#Again I may just be severely mentally ill
Text
Does "narcissist abuse" exist?
Well, I'll try to think of this as unbiased as possible.
Narcissist and Abuser are not synonymous. Many narcissists make an effort to not harm others and have never been or are currently not abusers.
NPD is a disorder with different presentations and sufferers have differents traits and severities: some narcissists are aggressive and external; some are more internal; some may be concerned with being a good person; some may overcompensate for their narcissism; some may take out the issues of their disorder on others; some may have trouble self-reflecting and hurt others; some may never hurt anyone; some may know how to deal with their traits while others may not.
NPD is a disorder that impacts both the sufferer and the people around them. It is important to talk about the sufferer, but also to acknowledge that it affects others as well. Especially if someone is untreated and unaware of their disorder.
It can cause someone to hurt others if it is left unchecked, if they were taught to hurt others, if they are unaware of their behavior, if they lack self-control, or if they simply have no desire to be a good person.
An abuser with NPD's reasons and ways of abusing someone may be different, just as an abuser with autism's would...and an abuser with depression, an abuser with bipolar, an abuser with schizophrenia, or an abuser who is not mentally ill at all.
I have heard a story about a woman with schizophrenia who was convinced her children were possessed by the devil and tried to attack them. Does this mean everyone with schizophrenia is dangerous? No. Absolutely not. Did her disorder affect the way she treated others in a negative way? Yes, because it presented in this way, and she was completely unaware and untreated. She is a victim in the fact she was dealing with these delusions and this fear, just as her children were victims for having to deal with the way she acted. Again: someone being schizophrenic does not mean they will hurt you. If someone who is schizophrenic tries to hurt you, that isn't representative of everyone with schizophrenia. (Many people with schizophrenia do not try to harm people at all.)
I also heard about the difficulties of a child living with bipolar mother who treated her disorder with alcohol, causing her to accidentally harm her child in many ways. Obviously, her disorder and addiction are relevant in talking about the experience, but we all know people with bipolar disorder are not abusers just because they are bipolar; and addicts are not abusers just because they are addicts.
Abuse can be done on accident, especially if someone was raised around it or thinking it was okay, or if they have a disorder affecting how they see things. In some cases, explaining and trying to help people realize their behavior can work. In others, it won't; some people don't want to listen or get better. If thats the case, thats on them. But no matter what, abuse is a choice. It can be done without awareness; but it is still a choice.
Anyone can be an abuser, and the equation of one disorder with abuse is not only dehumanizing to the people with this disorder, but can actually hurt victims of abusers who aren't narcissists, or victims who are narcissists.
My point is that it can be relevant to say your abuser had NPD. But someone being an abuser doesn't mean they are a narcissist, and the NPD isn't what needs highlighted...its the abuse. Yes, you can say your abuser had NPD, I don't think it's wrong to make a space to discuss this with people who had a similar experience either.
Many people in my family are narcissists/narcissistic, and quite a few of them hurt people or have been abusive. So I won't deny that a lot of narcissists (especially ones who externalize their narcissism and who are completely untreated, also when they refuse to admit they have a problem) treat others badly. I also know some of them don't actually have bad intentions and that others do have (in a way) bad intentions. Some were raised to think it was okay. I also know of narcissists who internalize it, who are aware of their narcissism, who do their best to not hurt others, who are victims themselves.
NPD should be talked about from the perspective of people with NPD, but this doesn't mean people who dealt with abusive people with NPD can't talk about it. As I said, I had no problem with an article about an abusive mother who had bipolar disorder; it was relevant.
A lot of "narcissistic abuse" described is just abuse. A list of abusive behaviors doesn't need to say narcissist at the top. It is completely irrelevant. Say it if it is relevant.
---
TLDR; Your abuser being a narcissist can be relevant, and you can talk about it, narcissists can be abusers and their disorder can play a part in it. But not all narcissists are abusers, and "narcissist" is equated with abuser. This is why people do not like the term "narcissistic abuse." It, in a way, equates narcissism with abuse. "Narcissistic abuse" is as real as "autistic abuse" or "bipolar abuse."
Don't use narcissist as a word for abuser. Say it if it's relevant.
I have no problem with a subreddit, therapy group, or community for people who dealt with abusive narcissists, but I want people to not perpetuate a stigma.
I sympathize with those who were abused, but narcissism isn't abuse; abuse is abuse. Narcissism can play a part, but that is not what the abuse is, and that is not THE cause of the abuse.
Abuse is abuse, and anyone can abuse.
#not art#narcissist abuse#npd safe#narcissistic abuse#I find just saying something is ableist doesnt explain anything so I went ahead and wrote too much#txt#anyways ill post silly things again soon
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been seeing people say people here are being more optimistic about the state of the qsmp
Bitch wh e re
On a more serious note I have so much empathy for quackity rn. Irl I recently just had had a community event I was helping plan ("helping", it was mostly me :///) fall through and it fuckin SUCKED. Similarly enough it was due to me naively trusting people to do their jobs without 247 oversight. Thankfully it was just group project shenanigans and not like financial embezzlement or whatever the hell is happening over there. I felt and feel like a shit failure for my thing and I don't even have masses of people on Twitter to deal with so I respect the guy a lot for not imploding and booking a trip to Niagara
#I may just be severely mentally ill#but for real I need to tune out qsmp stuff for the time being cause this situation is so upsetting and discouraging to see#such a cool project falling apart so soon after a project I was involved in had#Both of which i was really passionate about#its disheartening too because my confidence in myself and my ability to get shit done has tanked#and I get to see this and be like “this is what could happen if you ever shoot for something bigger. dont do it :)”#Again I may just be severely mentally ill#and grasping onto whatever can make me feel worse about my abilities#I dont wanna say I feel horrible for the guy because of the business side of things that I dont understand but I do#the dissapointment is palpable#It might ruin some friendships too ayy just like my thing ayyy#cw dark humor#cw negativity#qsmp neg#<- for blocklists. I really hope that tag doesn't attract weird people
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)
#self#mori kei#jfashion#NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj#I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat#and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol...#the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly#a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing#sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower...#I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something#but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP#why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no#reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere#in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I'#already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate#anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or#whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ#tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons#and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE#hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like#doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at#some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them#and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like#close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s#etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst#d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol..#AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol#(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i#s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
looking at pics of myself from a year ago makes me so sad lol
#🗞️#the cissona was real .......#but like. you can be trapped in a cissona but you can make the cissona gay. somehow ive straightened myself out to a point of where+#my new friends seeing those pictures of me r like thats not u that person is literally straighter than me (i dont have many queer friends-_#& im like. 😬😬hahaaa.......#i wanted to say idk why i even trapped myself like that but i was literally helplessly in love with a straight dude#to whom i was just the other woman#& i wanted him to just bear my existence bc we didnt click at all. so i wanted to be as attractive as possible to him.#STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and also my inner monologue looked like. i know i could be happier but id rather be a fraud and attractive than true to myself & ugly. girl#me 2021-2022 get help......... what even is that mentality.............#anyway now im better i think. its a recent development i literally stopped going after straight guys at the end of may. so.#then i read stone butch blues and now here we are. very confused but at the end of the day. the cissona is gone#if im being honest im scared ill bump into that guy bc of whom i developed this severe of a cissona bc although its been a year since#we havent seen each other. im still so down bad. we havent talked in a year and a half💀#and ill put on the cissona again#ahnywayz hope you all are having a good night
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Story from the Washington Post here, non-paywall version here.
Washington Post stop blocking linksharing and shit challenge.
"The young woman was catatonic, stuck at the nurses’ station — unmoving, unblinking and unknowing of where or who she was.
Her name was April Burrell.
Before she became a patient, April had been an outgoing, straight-A student majoring in accounting at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore. But after a traumatic event when she was 21, April suddenly developed psychosis and became lost in a constant state of visual and auditory hallucinations. The former high school valedictorian could no longer communicate, bathe or take care of herself.
April was diagnosed with a severe form of schizophrenia, an often devastating mental illness that affects approximately 1 percent of the global population and can drastically impair how patients behave and perceive reality.
“She was the first person I ever saw as a patient,” said Sander Markx, director of precision psychiatry at Columbia University, who was still a medical student in 2000 when he first encountered April. “She is, to this day, the sickest patient I’ve ever seen.” ...
It would be nearly two decades before their paths crossed again. But in 2018, another chance encounter led to several medical discoveries...
Markx and his colleagues discovered that although April’s illness was clinically indistinguishable from schizophrenia, she also had lupus, an underlying and treatable autoimmune condition that was attacking her brain.
After months of targeted treatments [for lupus] — and more than two decades trapped in her mind — April woke up.
The awakening of April — and the successful treatment of other people with similar conditions — now stand to transform care for some of psychiatry’s sickest patients, many of whom are languishing in mental institutions.
Researchers working with the New York state mental health-care system have identified about 200 patients with autoimmune diseases, some institutionalized for years, who may be helped by the discovery.
And scientists around the world, including Germany and Britain, are conducting similar research, finding that underlying autoimmune and inflammatory processes may be more common in patients with a variety of psychiatric syndromes than previously believed.
Although the current research probably will help only a small subset of patients, the impact of the work is already beginning to reshape the practice of psychiatry and the way many cases of mental illness are diagnosed and treated.
“These are the forgotten souls,” said Markx. “We’re not just improving the lives of these people, but we’re bringing them back from a place that I didn’t think they could come back from.” ...
Waking up after two decades
The medical team set to work counteracting April’s rampaging immune system and started April on an intensive immunotherapy treatment for neuropsychiatric lupus...
The regimen is grueling, requiring a month-long break between each of the six rounds to allow the immune system to recover. But April started showing signs of improvement almost immediately...
A joyful reunion
“I’ve always wanted my sister to get back to who she was,” Guy Burrell said.
In 2020, April was deemed mentally competent to discharge herself from the psychiatric hospital where she had lived for nearly two decades, and she moved to a rehabilitation center...
Because of visiting restrictions related to covid, the family’s face-to-face reunion with April was delayed until last year. April’s brother, sister-in-law and their kids were finally able to visit her at a rehabilitation center, and the occasion was tearful and joyous.
“When she came in there, you would’ve thought she was a brand-new person,” Guy Burrell said. “She knew all of us, remembered different stuff from back when she was a child.” ...
The family felt as if they’d witnessed a miracle.
“She was hugging me, she was holding my hand,” Guy Burrell said. “You might as well have thrown a parade because we were so happy, because we hadn’t seen her like that in, like, forever.”
“It was like she came home,” Markx said. “We never thought that was possible.”
...After April’s unexpected recovery, the medical team put out an alert to the hospital system to identify any patients with antibody markers for autoimmune disease. A few months later, Anca Askanase, a rheumatologist and director of the Columbia Lupus Center,who had been on April’s treatment team, approached Markx. “I think we found our girl,” she said.
Bringing back Devine
When Devine Cruz was 9, she began to hear voices. At first, the voices fought with one another. But as she grew older, the voices would talk about her, [and over the years, things got worse].
For more than a decade, the young woman moved in and out of hospitals for treatment. Her symptoms included visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as delusions that prevented her from living a normal life.
Devine was eventually diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which can result in symptoms of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. She also was diagnosed with intellectual disability.
She was on a laundry list of drugs — two antipsychotic medications, lithium, clonazepam, Ativan and benztropine — that came with a litany of side effects but didn’t resolve all her symptoms...
She also had lupus, which she had been diagnosed with when she was about 14, although doctors had never made a connection between the disease and her mental health...
Last August, the medical team prescribed monthly immunosuppressive infusions of corticosteroids and chemotherapy drugs, a regime similar to what April had been given a few years prior. By October, there were already dramatic signs of improvement.
“She was like ‘Yeah, I gotta go,’” Markx said. “‘Like, I’ve been missing out.’”
After several treatments, Devine began developing awareness that the voices in her head were different from real voices, a sign that she was reconnecting with reality. She finished her sixth and final round of infusions in January.
In March, she was well enough to meet with a reporter. “I feel like I’m already better,” Devine said during a conversation in Markx’s office at the New York State Psychiatric Institute, where she was treated. “I feel myself being a person that I was supposed to be my whole entire life.” ...
Her recovery is remarkable for several reasons, her doctors said. The voices and visions have stopped. And she no longer meets the diagnostic criteria for either schizoaffective disorder or intellectual disability, Markx said...
Today, Devine lives with her mother and is leading a more active and engaged life. She helps her mother cook, goes to the grocery store and navigates public transportation to keep her appointments. She is even babysitting her siblings’ young children — listening to music, taking them to the park or watching “Frozen 2” — responsibilities her family never would have entrusted her with before her recovery.
Expanding the search for more patients
While it is likely that only a subset of people diagnosed with schizophrenia and psychotic disorders have an underlying autoimmune condition, Markx and other doctors believe there are probably many more patients whose psychiatric conditions are caused or exacerbated by autoimmune issues...
The cases of April and Devine also helped inspire the development of the SNF Center for Precision Psychiatry and Mental Health at Columbia, which was named for the Stavros Niarchos Foundation, which awarded it a $75 million grant in April. The goal of the center is to develop new treatments based on specific genetic and autoimmune causes of psychiatric illness, said Joseph Gogos, co-director of the SNF Center.
Markx said he has begun care and treatment on about 40 patients since the SNF Center opened. The SNF Center is working with the New York State Office of Mental Health, which oversees one of the largest public mental health systems in America, to conduct whole genome sequencing and autoimmunity screening on inpatients at long-term facilities.
For “the most disabled, the sickest of the sick, even if we can help just a small fraction of them, by doing these detailed analyses, that’s worth something,” said Thomas Smith, chief medical officer for the New York State Office of Mental Health. “You’re helping save someone’s life, get them out of the hospital, have them live in the community, go home.”
Discussions are underway to extend the search to the 20,000 outpatients in the New York state system as well. Serious psychiatric disorders, like schizophrenia, are more likely to be undertreated in underprivileged groups. And autoimmune disorders like lupus disproportionately affect women and people of color with more severity.
Changing psychiatric care
How many people ultimately will be helped by the research remains a subject of debate in the scientific community. But the research has spurred excitement about the potential to better understand what is going on in the brain during serious mental illness...
Emerging research has implicated inflammation and immunological dysfunction as potential players in a variety of neuropsychiatric conditions, including schizophrenia, depression and autism.
“It opens new treatment possibilities to patients that used to be treated very differently,” said Ludger Tebartz van Elst, a professor of psychiatry and psychotherapy at University Medical Clinic Freiburg in Germany.
In one study, published last year in Molecular Psychiatry, Tebartz van Elst and his colleagues identified 91 psychiatric patients with suspected autoimmune diseases, and reported that immunotherapies benefited the majority of them.
Belinda Lennox, head of the psychiatry department at the University of Oxford, is enrolling patients in clinical trials to test the effectiveness of immunotherapy for autoimmune psychosis patients.
As a result of the research, screenings for immunological markers in psychotic patients are already routine in Germany, where psychiatrists regularly collect samples from cerebrospinal fluid.
Markx is also doing similar screening with his patients. He believes highly sensitive and inexpensive blood tests to detect different antibodies should become part of the standard screening protocol for psychosis.
Also on the horizon: more targeted immunotherapy rather than current “sledgehammer approaches” that suppress the immune system on a broad level, said George Yancopoulos, the co-founder and president of the pharmaceutical company Regeneron.
“I think we’re at the dawn of a new era. This is just the beginning,” said Yancopoulos."
-via The Washington Post, June 1, 2023
#mental illness#schizophrenia#schizoaffective#psychotic disorders#psychology#neurology#autoimmune#autoimmine disease#neuroscience#medical news#medical research#catatonia#immunotherapy#immune system#clinical trials#good news#hope
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
The young woman was catatonic, stuck at the nurses’ station — unmoving, unblinking and unknowing of where or who she was.
Her name was April Burrell.
Before she became a patient, April had been an outgoing, straight-A student majoring in accounting at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore. But after a traumatic event when she was 21, April suddenly developed psychosis and became lost in a constant state of visual and auditory hallucinations. The former high school valedictorian could no longer communicate, bathe or take care of herself.
April was diagnosed with a severe form of schizophrenia, an often devastating mental illness that affects approximately 1 percent of the global population and can drastically impair how patients behave and perceive reality.
“She was the first person I ever saw as a patient,” said Sander Markx, director of precision psychiatry at Columbia University, who was still a medical student in 2000 when he first encountered April. “She is, to this day, the sickest patient I’ve ever seen.”
It would be nearly two decades before their paths crossed again. But in 2018, another chance encounter led to several medical discoveries reminiscent of a scene from “Awakenings,” the famous book and movie inspired by the awakening of catatonic patients treated by the late neurologist and writer Oliver Sacks.
Markx and his colleagues discovered that although April’s illness was clinically indistinguishable from schizophrenia, she also had lupus, an underlying and treatable autoimmune condition that was attacking her brain.
After months of targeted treatments — and more than two decades trapped in her mind — April woke up.
The awakening of April — and the successful treatment of other peoplewith similar conditions — now stand to transform care for some of psychiatry’s sickest patients, many of whom are languishing in mental institutions.
Researchers working with the New York state mental health-care system have identified about 200 patients with autoimmune diseases, some institutionalized for years, who may be helped by the discovery.
And scientists around the world, including Germany and Britain, are conducting similar research, finding that underlying autoimmune and inflammatory processes may be more common in patients with a variety of psychiatric syndromes than previously believed.
Although the current research probably will help only a small subset of patients,the impact of the work is already beginning to reshape the practice of psychiatry and the way many cases of mental illness are diagnosed and treated.
“These are the forgotten souls,” said Markx. “We’re not just improving the lives of these people, but we’re bringing them back from a place that I didn’t think they could come back from.”
– A catatonic woman awakened after 20 years. Her story may change psychiatry.
#block JavaScript in site settings if article is paywalled#April burrel#disability#schizophrenia#lupus#mental illness#catatonia#chronic illness#institutionalization#psychiatry#medical science#healthcare#autoimmune disease#Washington post#knee of huss
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Cute headcanons with Tokyo Revengers boys P.1
f.t.: Mikey (Manjirō Sanō); Draken (Ken Ryūgūji); Mitsuya (Takashi Mitsuya); Chifuyu (Chifuyu Matsuno); Baji (Keisuke Baji);
Takemichi (Takemichi Hanagaki); Angry (Souya Kawata), Smiley (Nahoya Kawata); Hakkai (Hakkai Shiba); Kazutora (Kazutora Hanemija), Koko (Hajime Kokonoi); Inupi (Inui Seishu); Hanma (Shuji Hanma)
Mikey clings tightly to you when he sleeps and cuddles. 1. because he gets cold quickly in his sleep and 2. because there are moments,
when he hates himself so much that he thinks you'll leave him if he doesn't. He thinks that you would leave and that he will end up alone.
Draken sends you several messages throughout the day in which he either reminds you to eat, drink and sleep enough or that he loves and values you above all else. Most of the time the messages aren't really long, but it's enough to make you smile every time.
Mitsuya also makes you a bento every morning when he makes one for himself and his sisters, just to put it on your table before the main break. He thinks it's so cute how your eyes sparkle when you find your favourite food, but doesn't have the courage to look at your adorable expression for more than two seconds.
Chifuyu is extremely worried when you don't come to school, even if you just have to go to an appointment or something like that. He always thinks that you're lying in bed at home, terminally ill, and that you're feeling terrible. Sometimes
he skips school to look after you straight away and if he doesn't, he goes to see you as soon as possible after school.
Baji can't handle seeing you cry. He just can't. Every time you start crying, he feels like something inside him is breaking. The thought that he might be the one making you so unhappy spreads through him extremely quickly the moment he sees the first tear. However, when they tell him that someone else has made you cry, he comforts you first and then disappears as quickly as he can. I think we all know why the mean person somehow stops coming to class from then on.
Takemichi cried during your first kiss. He cries quite often for different things, but it just made him cry with joy. How close you were to him, how soft your lips felt on his and how perfectly you fit in his arms. How could he not start crying?
Angry loves the way you smell. Of course he likes your perfume, but your natural body odour smells a thousand times better to him.
He's far too shy to do it in public, but when you're alone he likes to put his head in the crook of your neck because that's where your body smell is strongest. He would kill for it
Smiley, unlike his brother, is not at all afraid of showing affection in public. Whenever he can, he literally sticks to you. Whether he's holding your hand, putting an arm around you or hugging you from behind. Sometimes he just comes up behind you when you're talking to someone and wraps his arms around your waist from behind.
Hakkai talks quietly in his sleep. He usually talks about trivial things or tells you about his day. It may sound confusing, but after practising a few times you understand what he is mumbling to himself. The first time you noticed it was when you spent the night at his place and you went to bed, but he suddenly started talking in a drunken stupor. He is such a shy soul and usually he is the one who listens while you talk and he loves to listen to you, but in his sleep
he always starts talking non-stop. How ironic…
Kazutora keeps writing you letters. He got into the habit when he was in juvenile jail. He sent you countless letters and you answered him as quickly as you could. You gave him therapy from afar and he was able to tell you about all his worries and problems. You made plans for the time when he got out again. That was one of the few
things that kept him alive.
Koko can't help but take you to every one of his business dinners and show you off excessively. He buys you the most expensive dresses and simply takes you with him as his mental support. He has one arm around your waist the whole time as if you were a trophy.
Inupi can't fall asleep without you. He makes sure he spends every night close to you and therefore always comes home on time. When you're not by his side, he feels so lonely, almost empty. As if every happy memory around him has completely disappeared.
Hanma cannot stand arguing with you. It feels like he's pushing away the only person he's ever loved and who has ever loved him for who he is. He was never loved by anyone for who he was and so he just couldn't bear to see you go. Although he teases you all the time, he deliberately avoids arguments with you so as not to give you a reason to turn your back on him.
Attention: The characters and the gif do not belong to me. All credits go to the actual owners. If you want anything to be changed or removed, please write to me.
I hope you liked it, If yes, here ist P.2
~Requests are open~
#x yn#aesthetic#tokyo revengers#fanfic#headcannons#tokrev x reader#mikey sano#mitsuya x reader#mitsuya takashi#sano manjiro#mikey x reader#dreamy29#draken x reader#smiley x reader#nahoya kawata#nahoya x reader#angry x reader#souya kawata#souya x reader#tokyo revengers souya#hakkai shiba#hakkai x reader#tokrev hakkai#hanma shuji#hanma x reader#hanagaki takemichi#tokyo revengers takemichi#takemichi x reader#tr takemichi#baji keisuke
382 notes
·
View notes
Text
Upper Moon Yandere Headcanons
Characters: Douma, Akaza, Aizetsu, Kokushibo.
Description: If I’m being honest, I suppose this is how some of the upper moons would express their love normally, but a lot of it is unhealthy. For that sake, I’ll classify this as yandere headcanons for the upper moons with a female reader.
Warnings: Verbal abuse, death, forced affection, unstable behavior, paranoia, etc.
Douma..
Once Douma declares something his, it belongs to him until he says otherwise.
Douma’s love is sincere but expressed in a twisted way.
As a cult leader does, Douma provides a facade of a perfect life with him if you stick by his side.
The lack of love and nurturing from Doumas parents causes an insatiable desire for the foreign feelings within him.
Douma uses you to replace the love he never received as a child.
His affection begins in a controlled manner. Consisting of little things such as random hugs, quick kisses, or asking you to hold him for a little while.
Over time, Douma would get a bit possessive. You were lucky if you managed to go more than five minutes without Douma forcing you into hour-long cuddle sessions.
One of his favorite things to do is cling to your body and nuzzle his head into your chest.
The feeling of your body's warmth is the only thing that calms his nerves.
Denying Douma’s love is like stabbing him in the heart from his perspective.
"You don’t really love me, do you..? You're just like my parents."
Denying Douma only makes your situation worse.
In Douma’s world, if he forces enough of his affection on you, you’ll eventually love him.
There are periods when Douma is severely mentally unstable.
During these periods, Douma made it clear that you could not and would not leave his side.
You're extra careful when he’s unstable. Any wrong move, and Douma’s threatening to end everyone close to you.
It’s hard for Douma to understand human emotion. Due to his lack of feelings, he can’t possibly understand why you would want to ever leave his side after he’s provided you with a perfect life.
Regardless of how you feel, Douma needs you too much to ever let you go.
Over time, Douma may possibly turn you into a demon to trap you with him for eternity.
He can’t risk losing something that he may never find again. Your love.
Akaza..
Akaza would kill for you in a heartbeat if it came to it.
The word love itself isn’t nearly enough to convey how much he loves you.
He would love to buy you little things, such as hair pins, just to see your face light up a bit.
Every time you leave, Akaza must be accompanying you.
Akaza always keeps at least one hand on you.
He wouldn’t mind if you didn’t have much physical strength; that’s what he’s there for.
Akaza would rather die than ever see you hurt.
He has a tendency to hurt anyone who causes you just the slightest bit of inconvenience.
Nobody should ever dare gaze upon you with any ill intent.
The other upper moons avoid interacting with you; they know how Akaza can get when it comes to you.
You're sacred in Akaza’s eyes; he’s practically on his knees for you.
Akaza can become delusional about your love for him. If you don’t hold the same feelings for him, he’ll convince himself otherwise.
Akaza will literally spend hours kissing every inch of your body to prove himself to you.
With night comes Akaza’s paranoia.
There's much more danger for you once the sun sets.
He won’t leave your side for a single second.
In bed, you're always in Akaza’s arms; he’ll refuse to sleep any other way.
Once the sun rises once more, his nerves calm just a bit.
He simply can’t bear the thought of a life without you.
Akaza will pursue your love until the end of time.
Aizetsu..
Aizetsu is pretty sensitive. Please don’t be too harsh on him.
He craves your affection constantly; it’s the one thing he needs to keep going.
Aizetsu can get aggressive when you refuse to show affection.
He won’t hurt you, but he might get verbally abusive.
Once he’s calmed down, he’ll cry at your feet, wrapping his arms around your waist begging for forgiveness.
He always regrets his behavior once he’s rational again.
Aizetsu sees the world as a depressing place, and you are the only light in his dull life.
One of his many nicknames for you is Sun.
When Aizetsu gets deeply depressed, he tends to get distant.
He’s running back into your arms soon enough.
His favorite thing to do is hug you from behind and follow you around.
Aizetsu is excessively clingy on a normal day.
If he is not all over you, something is wrong.
He’ll ask you to hold him when his anxiety gets hard to bear; you're the only one who can get him to calm down.
He struggles immensely with his mental health.
You happen to be the one to handle Aizetsu when he’s at his lowest.
A lot of it is taken out on you, and he hates himself for it.
A few hours of being in your arms is usually enough for him to be able to function again.
Aizetsu will always do anything he can to make it up to you the next day, starting off with flowers in the morning.
If you don’t forgive him immediately, he’s on his knees once again choking on his own sobs.
He can’t sleep without you next to him, helping him keep his depressive thoughts away.
At night, he’ll often rest his head in your lap and ask for you to play with his hair.
The feeling of your hands touching his scalp takes his mind off of the billions of things running through his head.
Aizetsu depends on you, don't fail him.
Kokushibo..
Kokushibo is always lurking in a corner, watching your every move.
He prefers to watch you in silence rather than interact with you.
Kokushibo is aware of his unhealthy attraction to you.
Small gifts, such as earrings or handwritten notes, would be left by Kokushibo on most mornings.
He manages to find something to give you each time he goes out.
Kokushibo secretly has a soft spot for you; you're the only one who knows this, of course.
Any affection coming from you stays on his mind for at least a day or two.
Don't upset him. Kokushibo is quick to completely disappear for a few days to teach you a lesson.
Leaving without Kokushibo by your side is forbidden. Once night falls, you can’t leave at all.
His rules may be harsh, but they're for your own good.
On nights that he’s feeling extra stressed, he may ask you to play with his hair.
There's not too much physical contact between you and Kokushibo, despite his hidden obsession.
He has to have a lot going on within himself to flat-out ask for your touch.
Kokushibo will die protecting you. He vowed to keep you protected, always.
You’ll be kept secret from everyone except Muzan. He won’t have you around the upper moons, especially Douma.
If you're feeling particularly stressed, Kokushibo will sit you down and tell you stories from all throughout his 480 years of living.
Kokushibo deeply appreciates your simple presence since he’s been alone for so long. Knowing that you're there is enough for him.
He spends hours watching you sleep at night; he doesn’t sleep much at all himself.
It brings him a sense of peace to watch your sleeping face, knowing that you're at ease.
Kokushibo can live in some type of peace knowing that you're safe and his.
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#akaza#douma#muzan kibutsuji#demon slayer x reader#anime#aizetsu#kokushibo#kokushibo x reader#kokushibo x y/n#kokushibo x you#douma x reader#douma x y/n#yandere akaza#yandere douma#yandere kokushibo#akaza x reader#akaza x y/n#upper moons#12 kizuki#aizetsu x reader#demon slayer imagines
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
D&D Vampire Lore Dump #1
Feeding and Diet
It's actually more complicated than just "they bite you and eat your blood." Plus what they're able to eat; how often they need to eat; what happens to you if they bite you and what happens to them if they don't feed- spoiler: it's unpleasant.
Incidentally, you should reload and kill Cazador again.
(I was comparing stuff across editions and compiling it into something more coherent and then figured I'd info dump about it in case my fixations are useful to somebody out there.)
DISCLAIMER: There are two things to note about the lore presented here:
First, while the standard stat block in the monster manual is the default, in terms of lore vampires have this annoying tendency to be incredibly, stupidly varied. They are magical monstrosities ruled by the power of symbolism and superstition above anything else.
The next is that D&D is decades old, spans five editions, several settings and hundreds of writers. One guy establishes a piece of lore, and then the next picks it up goes "nah" and writes something else. I collected info from four different source books, all from different editions, which naturally don't entirely agree on how vampires work. Lore never stays consistent and may contradict itself. You may see information somewhere else from a source I don't have that contradicts what I wrote here. If you read this and like some of this stuff but not other bits, take the good and ditch the rest.
Basically, in D&D, canon is what you decide it is.
Feeding | "Biology" | Hierarchy | Weaknesses and Cures | Psychology
They only need to feed once in a 24 hour period.
Vampires can survive between 3-9 months of starvation, but it's a terrible idea.
-
There are three different categories of "Undead Hunger."
Vampires have two of them and actually need to consume more than one thing to stay "healthy": Blood and life force.
-
The blood is obvious. This is categorised as a "diet dependency." It's required to preserve their bodies and powers, and without it their powers* are suppressed as their bodies begin to shut down.
*This refers to the powers a vampire gains with age; they cannot lose power they had as a newborn (the base stat blocks given for vampires and spawn given in the monster manual)
A vampire requires the equivalent of 12 hit points of blood a day, or it begins to revert into a corpse-like state. Mentally they slowly regress into a desperate, mindless animal frenzy where they'll kill and drain anything containing blood they can get their hands on.
Ultimately, if they don't get any blood then they revert into a corpse and they're trapped in their own body as it begins to wither and mummify. They're trapped in a coma, vaguely aware of the passing of time in flashes of awareness until somehow they are fed blood. If they ever wake up again, they will probably wake up feral and absolutely ravenous.
-
Vampires rely on the victim's blood pressure to expel blood from the wound they create, lapping and mouthing at the wound rather than actually sucking on it.
Being bitten is a highly pleasurable experience that victims can't help but desire, even when they know they shouldn't.
-
While the damage done remains, the wounds from a Vampire bite closes itself quickly after the feeding (assuming you're still alive). It does however leave a mark. The bite mark itself is often "less than half an inch in length", and leaves behind a significant bruise that causes no pain or sensitivity to touch.
Other side effects include fatigue and a weakened immune system.
-
Vampires typically target sleeping victims (less likely to fight back) and favour the blood of their own race above others. So theoretically, Astarion finds elf blood tastes best.
-
Drinking animal blood tastes bland and is health-wise akin to drinking tainted water: yes it might keep you alive in desperate times, but it's ultimately bad for you and will probably make you ill. That said, it has no mechanical detriments and a vampire that's forced to live on animal blood will be just as strong as its kin, but considerably bad tempered about it.
-
A vampire's secondary feeding requirement is called an "inescapable craving", which means that if a vampire doesn't get that fix then their hunger begins to devour them instead. The pain is described as a spike boring into the vampire's brain, obscuring their awareness. They begin to obsess over feeding to the exclusion of everything else, they become willing to take ridiculous levels of risk to stop the hunger as they become more and more desperate. As they are consumed they become progressively more feral until they're just a rampaging mindless horror driven only by horrific hunger.
For vampires, their inescapable craving is life force, which a vampire leeches from their prey through touch leaving the victim weak. Direct skin contact isn't required, if you're wearing full plate and/or the vampire is wearing gloves and they lay a hand on you they can still drain you. Mechanically these were combat abilities, energy/level draining occurred when a vampire struck a target with their own body (usually their hands). Before 5e hit them with a nerf bat, vampires could permanently weaken you this way (you could lose character levels from this).
5e also seems to have rolled life drain into the biting, so a vampire can consume your blood and energy at the same time.
-
Post feeding, a vampire starts to look alive. Their skin is flushed and warm and they feel elated and energetic.
In contrast, a vampire that hasn't been feeding properly becomes more corpse like and feels "sluggish" (I'm interpreting that as flu-like symptoms). It's purely emotional however, the vampire is no less capable and dangerous and suffers no mechanical penalties.
-
Vampires can feed on other vampires, which is actually more filling than living humanoid blood and gives them the ability to communicate telepathically for a few hours. They don't like it though. If a vampire drinks from another vampire then they can be controlled by that vampire and the link forces them to feel affection for each other against their will until it wears off. The results of both vampires in question feeding on each other is described as "debilitating" since they both paradoxically become enslaved to the other's will and forced to "love" each other creating an absolute dysfunctional mess of control, obsession and resentment.
The good news is that it only lasts a few hours.
-
Some vampires can eat regular food (no nutritional value in it for them) while others would regurgitate it if they tried. As they retain their tongues, vampires can also taste food.
That said, it's a bad idea for them to eat garlic, even if they can eat solid food.
-
Some kinds of vampires don't drink blood. There's all kinds of weird and wonderful stuff a vampire might be required to consume instead. Spinal fluid stands out. Or the bit about ones who drain the ocular fluid from your eyes. Gale might find interesting things to talk about with the magic eating ones who prey on mages. They're much less common, probably something to do with most people not finding that very sexy. I don't think any of them exist on Toril.
#bg3#baldurs gate 3#astarion ancunin#astarion#vampire tav#long post#the screaming into the void will continue until the hyperfixation is out of my system
474 notes
·
View notes
Note
AITA for not helping my family pay for hospital bills?
🎷🔥 so i can find it later
This is going to need a lot of context right off the bat. I (20'sM) am a gay man that comes from an extremely conservative family. My sister (20'sF) is also a lesbian and recently got married and adopted a child. I'm very proud of her, but that's not the issue.
My parents seem to have little to no issue with my sister marrying a woman. They do have a very big issue with me liking dudes, however. Like, it was the reason my parents got divorced "big issue." I'm not gonna go into everything, but my sister ended up with my dad and I stayed with my mom for reasons I'd rather not share.
Our last parting was on... less than decent terms. Upon finding out that I was of the homosexual variety, my dad flipped his lid. He called me several slurs and said some other very hurtful things, and even made moves to physically attack me. My mom, also a very homophobic woman, stepped in and thankfully talked him down. Then divorce, etc etc.
I saved up enough money to move out when I turned 18 and may have done some impulsive things including completely trashing my mom's bathroom, which I know I'm definitely the asshole for, but in my defense my mom kept "forgetting" to pick up my prescriptions and I was manic (I have bipolar). But, again, I know I'm the AH for that.
I now live with my two best friends R (20sNB) and P (20sM) in a house we all pay for. R comes from money so they help out a lot, and I love them both to death. We kind of have a sort of situationship but none of us are poly? Idk it's weird we're just going with it rn.
Anyway, I bring them up bc we all went to my sister's wedding together, and my parents separately chewed me out for bringing them (and for R daring to wear a dress. They're amab for context) and I obviously argued back bc hey they're my best friends and my sister specifically said it was okay for me to bring them (she and R are also friends and they wouldve been invited regardless of me bringing P) and also because R looks very good in a dress and i can handle them shit-talking me but i will not tolerate slander towards R or P.
At the wedding, I went full no contact with them and told them to lose my number. They, ofc, did Not lose my number and I got several calls from extended family saying about what you would expect them to say, so I switched numbers and gave only my sister and her wife my new number.
My sister. I love her to pieces but sometimes she gets on my nerves. She gives my number to my mom to have "just in case," but she reassures me that she won't give it to my dad or any other family. So far, she's made good on that promise, I just have to deal with periodic calls about getting a girlfriend and having kids.
Now, my dad isn't the healthiest guy out there. He has arthritis, osteoporosis, and several other things that i don't really wanna get into. As he's aged he's only gotten worse and there have been several times he's almost died, but recently he's been put on hospice and has an estimated Not Very Long to live.
Here's where I may be the AH. My dad calls me while I'm at a very important, personal event for R (he got my number from my mom) and goes on a long rant on how I'm an unlovable disgrace and how he fed me and clothed me and I could make up for all that by helping him pay off hospital debt. I say no immediately and tell him that he's never been my dad, only my dna donor, and that he's going to be dead anyway and that selling his house could cover all the bills. He calls me many more names and tells me he wishes I was never born (calling my mom some very derogatory names too (she's asian)) and that i should just go ahead and off myself to save the world someone like me. I tell him he should die faster while he's at it because God knows the world already has enough bigots in it and there could never be too many mentally ill queers.
I hung up, but now I'm thinking I went a bit too far. AITA for not helping out with his hospital bills and yelling at him?
What are these acronyms?
400 notes
·
View notes
Note
Could I request a könig x reader in which she’s one of the best soldiers/snipers in the world, covered in tattoos, smokes and is a ‘I joined the military out of spite and somehow all that anger turned me into this’, and könig is just smitten with her?
its time you learn to accept yourself
Summary: Through König, you learn love and self-acceptance.
Tags: sniper!fem!reader x konig, strangers to friends to lovers, headcanon format, reader implied not to speak german, reader implied to be mentally ill, unedited
Word count: 1.7k
Note: im starting to really like this genre of ship-dynamic LMAO
When you joined KorTac, it was clear you didn’t give much of a shit about anyone there.
You kept to yourself, spoke in monosyllables, and had much more interest in smoking the cigarettes you kept sneaking into the base than talking to any of them.
He’d heard operators call you several things—none of them flattering to your image—however, one thing stood out clearly to him:
You were a good shot. They all agreed to that. To them, though your personality was shit, you had the eye of a hawk and the hands of a trained and experienced veteran who knew the sniper like the back of their hand.
He couldn’t help but admire you, regardless of the fact you’ve never acknowledged his presence or even looked at him.
He also couldn’t help but admire how calm you were, how you were just... yourself. Sleeves always rolled up with your tattoos in full display, a cigarette always nursed between your lips, the fact you never watered down your personality; he wanted that confidence—no, that sureness your character carried.
König knew you liked to lurk near the shooting range—since you’d joined, he avoided disturbing you and had often gone to the other side of the range to practice his shots.
However, in a fit of uncharacteristic confidence, he decided to approach you.
He was prepared for your scathing words, or the silent look of disgust you often wore around the other men.
But, when he approached, you regarded him neutrally.
“Hey, you’re...”
“König.”
“Yeah, König, you’re König.” You echoed the accent of the word, looking proud. “I pronounced that well, right? König.” You repeated his name as though it were a flavorful candy.
He was rendered mute; German sounded so nice on your tongue.
“König?”
“A-ah, scheiße, I was lost in thought for a second,” he laughed awkwardly. “You said it well, yes.”
“‘kay, good. Anyway, what’d you want?’
It was a blunt but reasonable question, but with your eyes trained on him, it was suddenly hard to speak or think.
Bashfully, he spoke. “May I shoot with you?”
“Uh, of course? This isn’t my shooting range, man. Have fun.”
“No, with you.”
“With me?” You echoed, dumbfounded. “How’d that work?”
“We’ll make it a friendly competition—if you’d like, of course—whoever gets the most bulls-eyes wins.”
You smiled. It was brighter than the sun. “Sure! Sounds like fun—you go first, then.”
König does. It was an easy shot, anyone could hit it, but he could feel your eyes watching him.
Trying to steady his hands, he set his sniper on top of the heavy crates and tried to aim, trying to clear his mind.
It was difficult. Again, your eyes—he wondered if he was making any mistakes he didn’t even know of. He was sure he was doing everything right, but... was he?
“Your hands are shaking, König. Try steadying them like this,” roughly, you took the hand that had been on the trigger and made the weight even.
His cheeks erupted in warmth. Too close.
He quickly takes a shot, and it was just about to hit the bullseye.
“Time to show ya how the pros do it!” You sit right beside him, kneeling in front of the crates and setting your own sniper onto them. He noticed rough engravings on the snout of your gun, a rough shape of a butterfly and snake.
Before he could ask about them, you shot. You had barely paused to even adjust.
When he looked up, he couldn’t help the wave of admiration that hit him.
You hit the bullseye perfectly.
“Maybe one day you can be as good as me,” you teased, voice light. “But your ass needs practice. Can I help?”
He couldn’t trust his voice so he merely nodded. Thank God he had a hood over his head because he was sure he resembled more tomato than a human.
After that though, the two of you became closer—you saw each other more, interacted more, etc.
You had taken a swift liking to him; he was eager to learn, polite, and soft-spoken, how could you not?
König, though? He’s skipped the ‘friend’ part and went straight to crushing; honestly, he was flattered enough that you just acknowledged his presence, being one of the best snipers and all, but the fact you went out of your way to teach him—talk to him—it went all straight to the heart.
Even on missions, you’d talk to him. You’d often favor being quiet, whistling the odd tune or two before taking your shots, but now you’ve come to just take those small pauses to tease him incessantly.
König was about to maul an enemy before a bullet shot through their head.
His earphones sparked to life.
“You should be more careful, I almost couldn’t save you there.” Your voice crackled through.
He couldn’t help but huff, half amused, half worried. “Didn’t Aksel say for you to clear out the enemies on your end?”
“Did already. They were like sitting ducks.”
You two are an actual powerhouse in missions; König with his physical prowess, easily overpowering anyone in his way, and you with your sniper, taking any enemies behind him down in an instant.
You only grew closer to him and vice versa, and eventually, the daily conversations nearly became constant—attached to the hip, understanding each other to the extent that quick glances would equate to hundreds of lines of dialogue.
It was during this that you realize you’ve grown... attached.
It worries you—no, it scares you.
You were, in your eyes, a poison that could do nothing but harm a soul like König’s; despite is outward brutality, you knew inside he was nothing but gentle—or maybe you were blind. Maybe you were in love and refused to see the dark that tainted his inner consciousness.
Or, maybe, you liked that too about him.
In any case, it was worrisome; it bit at your insides, at the quiet part of your mind, it lit everything to flame then ash.
You weren’t the woman you were before the military; fuck, maybe that version of you never existed—you were always so fucked up, so full of incomprehensible anger that set every step you took on fire.
That worry turned to anxiety, and it only increased when you realized that your stable, steady hands have become a shaking mess.
It was during a pause between missions that you try to clear your head, to purge those feelings you thought and knew wouldn’t lead to any good.
However König—oh, König—followed.
You told him not to, but he knew something was wrong, that you weren’t quite as steady as he’d known you to be; it was a weakness, a vulnerability that, right now, could harm you.
Neither of you had the comfort of being weak, especially in a safe house that could be overridden with hostiles at any moment of the day. If he couldn’t help, he’d at least want to be able to protect you during this time.
So, he followed, through the murky corridors and under the cloak of night, finding you outside with a cigarette between your lips.
You saw him and you were ready to snap at him, to drive him away, but he spoke so fucking softly.
“Are you okay?”
You weren’t. He knew you weren’t, and you knew he knew that.
So you sighed. Gestured for him to come, and he did, leaning against the concrete wall beside you.
You were particularly loose-lipped, but at that moment, all inhibitions of restraint were gone.
“It’s all a lie—when people join the military, it’s rarely for that strive of good.” You took a harsh suck of the cigarette. “You think any person with a good head on their shoulders and love for life would want to be in a fuckin’ military? Or a merc group? No amount of money makes this worth it, no... never.”
König was silent. Listening. Thinking.
“More often than not, people just join to just—run. Die. Cut their losses and just engulf themselves in the worst of the worst because of their own flaws—hamartias. Know that word?”
König nodded.
You laughed airily. It was hardly a laugh, more like a throwaway noise. “I learnt it back in high school in English class—’fatal flaw of a hero’, or something. Flaws... good, bad, right, wrong, villainous, heroic, it’s a mouthful, isn’t it?”
König nodded again.
“So many labels for those who, in hindsight, or just cogs to a greater machine. A twisted machination—isn’t that the true evil? The machinery?”
“You make it sound difficult,” König breathed. “When everything is so much simpler than that. Personal principles define those beliefs, right and wrong is as broad as it is small.”
You hummed. “Never struck you for the philosophical type.”
“I’m not. Philosophy is redundant. The answer is always found within our hearts.”
“Hmmm.” You took another puff of the cigarette. “The answer in my heart was anger. Always anger. Violence, insults, it always seemed most effective... I thought the military would set me straight, make me more controlled, but it did the opposite.” You stared at the ground, smoke spilling out your lips. “I’m worse now, a festering disease. I can feel myself burning out day by day, and, König? I want you to stay away from that—from me.”
“I won’t.”
“What?”
“I refuse. I will stay by your side.” I can’t bear to leave you alone.
“But... why?” Why, why, why?
“Because you’re the most beautiful flame I’ve ever seen.” I love you. Accept that. “Don’t cut yourself short, liebe. You can always change and grow. Or remain stagnant. Either way, my eyes will always be on you.”
You, for the first time in your life, couldn’t trust your voice.
But when you looked up at him, you hoped that the message was there. That he could see.
And he did, and you couldn’t help the smile when you saw that the corners of his eyes crinkled.
AO3
Masterlist
Requests are open
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
PSA
-OCD is not a synonym for neat or preoccupied with tidiness. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is all about distressing intrusive thoughts and rituals (compulsions) used to combat those thoughts.
-Intrusive thoughts are not synonymous with silly things I want to do. They're deeply upsetting, often taboo mental apparitions. Letting them win is the last thing anyone wants, and nobody is immoral for having them. (See 'impulsive thoughts' if you need a term.)
-Anorexic is not a synonym for thin or emaciated. The majority of anorexic people have OSFED atypical anorexia – that is, their BMI is above 18.5. You cannot judge the severity of someone's illness by their appearance. (If you're worried about someone, look out more for rapid weight loss than thinness, even when it's occurring in someone in a larger body. 10kg in 10 weeks is never a good thing.)
-Eating disorders are not synonymous with just anorexia and bulimia. Anorexia is an ED, but it's nowhere near the most common. Bulimia is an ED, but again, not the most common. Together, they do not constitute the most common. The most common ED is binge-eating disorder, and the second most common is atypical anorexia, which is one of many, many OSFED categories. Those living with ARFID, pica, night-eating syndrome, rumination disorder, subthreshold BN, subthreshold BED, and orthorexia all deserve dignity, compassion, and acknowledgement. Remember: EDs are not necessarily thin, and never glamorous.
-Schizophrenic is not a synonym of all over the place, abnormal, unpredictable, dangerous, or crazy. Nor is schizoid or schizotypal. Folks with schizophrenia spectrum disorders live with hallucinations, delusions, disorganised thoughts/behaviour, and/or catatonia. They are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators, and go to huge lengths to act okay even when distressed by symptoms.
-Schizophrenic is also not a synonym of multiple personalities/volatile. For the disorder involving having different facets of personality that are generally unaware of each other, see Dissociative Identity Disorder, and even then, don't assume it's a) dramatic as it is in the movies; b) evil; or c) trivial. DID is a trauma disorder.
-Delusional is not a synonym of wrong. Nor is it the same as this politician/friend is saying something I do not like/that is potentially dangerous. Delusions are false, fixed beliefs held despite evidence. And generally, folks with delusions don't tend to proselytise them. I know that certain politicians have beliefs that seem to persist in the face of evidence, but nevertheless, we don't need to stigmatise mental illness further to call out poor political/social behaviour. If you need a word for the pundit spewing potentially dangerous content, use 'dangerous' or 'wrong', but don't call them delusional.
-Bipolar is not a synonym of all over the place or fluctuating results. Bipolar disorder involves mood states that, even in the rapid cycling form, tend to last at least 3-4 days (mania) and weeks (depression). If you need a word for the weather, use 'British' instead.
-Psychotic is not a synonym of evil. Psychosis is losing touch with reality, whether it be through hallucinations or delusions. It doesn't make a person bad or violent. It's just a neurological phenomenon that may be distressing. It's also relatively common: 6-15% of people will hallucinate in their lifetime.
-ADHD is not a synonym of just quirky/scattered/forgetful/unfocussed/lazy/careless. ADHD is fundamentally a disorder of being able to choose where to direct attention, rather than of just I can't focus. If someone can't tune out the noise of the crowd, but can't prevent themself focussing on something trivial because their brain is wired that way, it's not laziness or just being quirky/scattered.
-Autistic meltdown is not a synonym of temper tantrum.
-Borderline is not a synonym of harridan.
-Narcissist is not a synonym of abuser.
-Mentally ill is not a synonym of volatile or bad person. This doesn't mean we have to make something artificially positive out of mental disorders. If there is good to be found in certain disorders, great; if there is nothing positive about living with certain others, that doesn't make you any less real or resilient than anyone else. It's okay to have complex feelings about your own disorders. It's okay to feel exhausted or frustrated by a disorder. But never should anyone have to face stigma.
#vent post but also important#ocd#intrusive thoughts#eating disorders#eds#schziophrenia#delusions#bipolar disorder#bipolar#psychosis#adhd#bpd#npd#cluster b#mental illness discourse#i want to make this for a couple of reasons:#a) i have intrusive thoughts (and possibly inserted thoughts) and they're awful#b) i've had OSFED and seeing the AN = thin stereotype is... frustrating#c) so so many people live with the other disorders on this list and don't get help and support because of stereotypes#d) so long as stereotype persists the medical system will not acknowledge the needs of its patients#e) while i don't have the right to speak over anyone with any of these disorders i can at least try to start a conversation#those of you with the above disorders: feel free to correct me if i stuffed up a detail#nt people you may interact with this post#everyone: feel free to add more to the list
599 notes
·
View notes
Text
hi
i just wanted to come on here and talk about my experience with spirituality. warning: longggg post ahead.
basically ive been in the spiritual community for YEARS now. ive had existential crisis since the age of 11 and ive gone through many phases of many different spiritual trends. from law of attraction, to witchcraft, to religious devotion, to law of assumption and now finally non dualism. i read books, meditated for hours and hours, talked to spiritual ppl from all walks of life and watched all the episodes of ganga upanishad (a show i still highly recommend, you can watch on youtube). all this childhood trauma and mental illness made me crave for sweet relief. but nothing really made sense until law of assumption. i thought that that would be it yk. i thought i was done searching but i think that was when i was searching for things the most. i do know i have it in my 4d, when will i see it? i thought i would get all my desires but did not meet success. and then the non dualism trend began and i hopped onto it like pretty much everyone else. i was bewildered at the stuff teachers kept saying. what do you mean everything's an illusion? there's no way that's true. my very real surroundings are causing me VERY real pain and suffering. oh no no there must be a deeper meaning behind all this. and so i read all the books in 4dbarbies drive, but nothing clicked. yes it made sense intellectually, but i didnt want to believe it bc where is the materialisation satisfaction here? also i felt none of the euphoria that was supposed to come with self realisation. which means i must not be a realised being. and then i cried and cried and cried, isolated myself, literally stopped going to school and just lay in bed all day. but ofc, i continued to read the tumblr posts like i had been doing for the past several years. and yesterday i read 4dkelly's post about giving up. it made sense. by the time i had finished reading the post i had truly given up on everything. on wanting, hoping, fearing, striving etc etc. i was SO tired. so i gave up. fell asleep. i woke up really late as usual and missed the school bus. i ate breakfast in silence, switched the tv on and lied down on the couch like always. and like always out of compulsion and force of habit i reached for my phone and looked up non dualism on twitter. and then i came across a tweet that said a simple sentence only- "nothing is ever actually happening." woah. that kinda drove me to the edge of the cliff i desperately wanted to jump off. i turned on some dnb background music and turned the shower on. i stood under the boiling hot water like some dramatic bitch and started piecing together the "puzzle". it all made so much sense now. i got out of the shower and left the house for the first time in months with a cute outfit and makeup on and everything. i went to the mall, bought candles, stickers, eye masks, coffee, and a doughnut with absolutely no social anxiety at all. i sat by window, read some poetry on my e-reader, cried, peered down at the floor below me and cried some more at the sight of little kids sitting on santa's lap and taking pictures and marveled at all the christmas decorations around me. it was insane. i decided i was going to be neutral towards everything but im in love. maddeningly so. in love with this dream that i thought did not love me back. but love is all there is. I AM ALL THERE IS. and i need you to take this literally. there is nothing happening. there is nothing here except you. nothing to fear, nothing to desire. ik a lot of people are going to dismiss this post because it's not a "materialisation success story" but i honestly dont think i can ever want anything physically bc in all its true essence, what is there to materialise? i am already whole and complete. i am lying on this cold hard floor, but i have never felt warmer. also ik there may be a lot of things ive written you might not agree with but again, this is NOT REAL. I AM. i hope this post helps you.
thank you to all the blogs ive come across and all the pointers they have shared: @se1f @realisophie @itgomyway @4dkellysworld @4dbarbie-backup @infiniteko @iamthat-iam and many more i cannot thank enough.
lots and lots of love (more than you can ever imagine), and good luck.
#nondualism#consciousness#advaita vedanta#awareness#advaita#non duality#law of assumption#manifestation#manifesting#neville goddard
248 notes
·
View notes
Text
A positive Update
Friends, kind folk - Hello Again 🤍
Ever since my last update post, I've been thinking about it , a lot ;; I knew I needed time to cook and reflect, and im so glad I gave myself that...
2024 started rough for me; I fell severely ill again - I was too busy cursing my life and dwelling over how betrayed I felt by things still not getting better despite my efforts that I didn't realize I was walking into a self fulfilling prophecy. Its true that the struggles I'm going through are yet to be solved, that its gotten so much to the point giving up seemed easier, and that a couple individuals haven't been making it easier on me either; I swayed and i rattled and I steered within feelings ranging from confusion to anger to dismay and all of this back and forth did nothing but remind me of yet another self-destructive loop I just don't want to allow in my life anymore. Its exactly the kinda stuff that made me ill to begin with, and I've been so lost dealing with everything in between that i forgot to tend to the actual core centering all of this...
It grew unbearable how much emotional and physical turmoil I was pushing myself into, and knowing how intertwined these two elements have been; I had to draw a line before i majorly screwed myself over, gathering any bit of inner will to discipline myself back into some sort of clarity, enough to at least look through a lens OUTSIDE my pain for once, towards the kind of life I want to lead, and the kind of life I don't; and I came to an understanding.
From my physical state to my mental, to the people and memories I've experienced, both the good and the bad - I want to prioritize the good.
Not in a shitty ass, toxic optimism kinda way but in a "I want to prioritize knowing and living the possibility that even when it hurts, even when i want to be gone, even when life doesn't align - There's still every good reason in the world to keep moving forward, to face things from a perspective of growth & compassion, and to grow to love the promise of a better tomorrow even when today was unbearable." To know that I don't end or begin in my suffering, that the infinite potential I speak so fondly of applies to me, as well...
I want to be able to wield and create and share that goodness, too, Especially when it is already in decline...And for all gods sake, to internalize that all of this STILL exists and STILL matters even when it doesn't work the first couple or dozens of times.
As for my place here in Tumblr...I know the sentiment might feel silly to some but the experiences, memories, and connections I've made here have truly been such a significant force in my life, and i don't want to give up on that ;; Not because of my own insecurities, or an inner state of hopelessness, and especially not over a bunch of emotionally immature Anons that dont know how to handle themselves; I want to forgive all of that.
I'm stubborn, and there's an unyielding force within me that no matter how many times it is struck down, it proved itself ridiculously resilient. I'm perking up with with a fiery confidence realizing just how many times it rose back up, enough to realize it is an unchangeable part of me ;_; I shouldn't underestimate that force, and I want to keep living by its side. Whatever positive change I can sprinkle onto my life and the lives of those I care for, I will! And the reason why this space in particular is so important to me, is because so much of that already exists here, alongside you folks;
THAT'S the kind of energy i want to nourish and walk into the new year with! I want to continue growing as a person, challenging my inner turmoils, undoing the self punishing dogmas that still haunt me, stop flexing my teeth over things that don't deserve my time and god DAMN, just - indulge in the stuff that makes me happy, even when I'm going through unhappy times.
So yeah...I guess that means, I'm back & I'm staying ;_;)🧡
I know i may seem like a broken record when it comes to expressing gratitude but - Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who have reached out for me, who so fondly kept me in their thoughts and kept encouraging me whenever i was hurting, both then and now...You folks mean more than whatever ailment or struggle I can go through, and while I'm unsure of how the future will look like as I'm still going through various challenges- I couldn't have asked for a cooler, sweeter audience to have by my side whenever Its time to take a rest or hype over our sexy delicious blorbos!
Speaking of which....................I have been cooking quite a lot of things in the time i was away 👀✨ I most definitely intend to serve them, eheheh
#Ronkey Posts#Waving a tired yet happy hello#Back from the dead and ready to SLAY or just to relax and chill and remember that goodness is a force undying ;_;#i missed you folks so much...
154 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have this horror game idea that has probably already been done where you fight grotesque abominations while the main character narrates what is happening on screen, alluding to the fact that he's telling this story to the person who is behind all of the goings on. Towards the end, you have a pretty gnarly fight with a series of hideous monsters in one room and then theres a cut scene as the final boss enters. You don't see their face but you know it's them because the main character starts his narration (perhaps seeming a bit more smug than you remember).
The screen fades out and then back in so you dont have to listen to it all again and, as he repeats his final narration, the camera starts to pan around and it's revealed that you the player were being shown monsters and demons and hideous monstrosities not because thats what they were, but because thats how the main character has been portraying them. You have been enacting his narrative. He isn't hallucinating or suffering from any mental illness or injury that might cause a distortion like that. He knows full well that he was killing actual people the whole time, but in his opinion the people he was fighting were monstrous and so he doesnt feel like theres a difference.
The story may not totally line up in other ways as well. People spared may be revealed to have been dead or hiding from him etc but the ultimate point is the main character was lying, exaggerating, and othering the whole way through in order to justify his actions.
The ending from that point could go several different ways but I like the idea that the final fight is actually you playing as the "final boss" defending against the main character and, possibly at the start of the fight but possibly just as you finish the fight, the narration picks back up, but it's the "final boss" narrating this time.
idk.maybe thats just like faux edgy and really cliche but i think it would be slightly interesting as a concept
153 notes
·
View notes
Text
Was thinking about just how much characters in the Silm and LOTR deal with pain an injuries on a daily basis. It’s not always said plainly but they exist in the story, they live, they are important, and I wonder how much of them are inspired by Tolkien’s own experience of war injuries/illness. How many of his fellow soldiers came back home disfigured and disabled and were faced with disgust or contempt?
Sure, there’s the whole fairy-tale/mythic aspect of loosing a limb in your heroic quest to get the Magic Object, but what about Gwindor, who was captured by Morgoth and, when he finally managed to escape, was so changed by his sufferings that his beloved rejected him? Gwindor’s not a hero, he’s a simple soldier who suffered through war and captivity and became disabled because of that. How much pain did he live with daily even if it’s never said on the page?
And, still in the CoH, there’s Brandir the Lame. He was born disabled, couldn’t be a warrior, yet held a position of power until his people wanted action and scorned him. Brandir is a healer, a man of wisdom and lore; how much of it is because he tried to cure himself? To ease his pain but also try to "fix" himself in the eyes of his people and be the worthy leader he thought they wanted.
There is Sador ‘Labadal’ too, who chopped his foot off in an accident and is looked down for that by several character (not the least of them being Morwen).
These three characters are all disabled and looked upon with pity, contempt or outright disgust. They did not become disabled in the doing of great deeds, their stories aren’t heroic, and so their disability makes them worthless in the eyes of many.
If you take Maedhros, on the other hand (pun fully intended), he is seen as made greater by his disability. He suffered unthinkable torments and was freed at the price of his right hand, and did many great and terrible things after that. It is similar for Beren, who also lost his hand (arm chopping is not a love language!) but it always portrayed as a good and heroic character, because his disability is the direct result of him taking part in the great designs of the world rather than a banal accident.
And that’s only for the Silm characters, because we don’t want to forget about Frodo of the Nine Fingers, who bore the One Ring to the very fires of Mt Doom. Frodo who returned home sickly and traumatised, plagued with chronic pain, nightmares and a poor health and was only looked at down by the hobbits who did not take part in the quest if the ring. Frodo may be a hero for Men and Elves but he has little to no recognition in his homeland.
Another character I nearly forgot (shame on me!) is Celebrían, She was captured and tortured and despite her physical wounds healing she was never the same again, to the point she had to leave her family to seek healing elsewhere. I see this as a form of mental illness, probably depression and PTSD. And Celebrían is not thought as lesser because of her disability. She is seen as a tragic story, yes, but it’s better than most of the other disabled characters in the Silm.
Anyway, I don’t really know what my point is here, just that I noticed a pattern in the representation of disabled characters in Tolkien’s works, first of all that they exist at all, and second that how they are treated certainly reflects the views of society on disabled people during Tolkien’s lifetime. The way he writes disabled characters isn’t perfect, far from it, but they are here, and I, as a disabled reader, am immensely glad for their existence and I play in the gigantic sandbox of the Legendarium with these characters and others whom I imagine as disabled in any way.
#tolkien#the silmarillion#the lord of the rings#gwindor#brandir#sador#frodo baggins#celebrían#disabled characters#tolkien legendarium#half baked ramblings by a sleep deprived tolkien fan#tolkien meta
72 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
jokesarehowicope
Trying to keep the humor alive.
ftm-daughter
FtmGirl
dawikalume
Untitled
forcefulanddetermined
Bull In A China Shop
blackmetalthot-blog
SVART KAFFE; SVART METAL