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littlefreya · 4 years

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The Way to Hell - Part 5

*No permission is given for reposting my work, copying it or parts of the source material and claiming it as your own*

Summary: Post Mi6 - August manages to escape with his face intact and just won himself the title of being the most dangerous man on earth. With every agent in the world on the hunt for him, life became a living hell, but that’s okay because hell is where he reigns.

Too bad for the woman who’ll stand in his way.

Pairing: August Walker x OFC (Ingvild)

Word count: 4K

Warnings: Dark themes, kidnapping, gore, slight violence, mentions of sexual encounters, dirty words, sexual threats. It’s August, he’s the baddest of bad boys!

A/N: Thanks again for reading guys, I am having fun with August and Igni 💖 and really enjoy reading your feedback so keep it coming! Thanks @agniavateira for editing my work and consulting me through and through!

Title: History of a Bad Man

“Sit down,” August commands coldly, his hand pushing her bony shoulder, forcing her to sit on the bed. Ingvild’s behind lands on the mattress with a bounce, her gaze remaining on the strange menacing man as he moves through the room with harsh steps. An irritated look mars his face as he looks for something.

She exploits the sparse moment of false freedom, searching for his well-concealed arsenal. Liam’s words of wisdom from her days of training echo in her mind. “There is always a slip,” an absentee of the mind. This large dangerous man might be an equal opponent yet he is just a man.

And this agent of chaos had his plan interrupted, ironic as it may be. In his fine work of hiding most of the weapons from her reach, he remained negligent, keeping his handgun next to the laptop on his desk.

Keep in mind he carries that knife with him. The scar on her torso should be a keen reminder.

“Can I at least have my undergarments back? Or do you plan to keep me here naked, Mr. Walker?” she calmly asks.

“I don’t plan to keep you.” August speaks with no real emotion in his voice. He has left her clothes to dry on the radiator throughout the night. Her tactical suit is still damp but her ridiculously small underwear and bra seem to have dried. He picks them up, then carelessly throws them at her face before grabbing the large medical kit.

The garments are warm and pleasant to the touch. Ingvild manages to slip into her underwear beneath the bathrobe with haste before August returns to sit in his chair.

Appearing determined, he unzips the blue medical bag, preparing some bandages and pulling out a bottle of antiseptic. “Open up,” he speaks, gesturing at the white cotton robe around her body.

She stares at him oddly, her hands latching onto the fabric.

He sighs, rolling his eyes at her. Fine lines of irritation are drawn on his forehead. “The bandage is wet and needs to be replaced. Do you want your wound to get infected?”

Cautiously she observes him, wondering what brings a malicious man who tried to kill her only a few hours ago to tend to her wound. It seems like any action he performs is robotic, as if he is still in the CIA, following protocols. Curiosity sets her mind, driving her to follow his request with obedience and untie the cotton bind that holds the robe together.

August keeps his leer on his face, whether she is frightened by him or not he can’t determine. She seems trained in hiding or faking her emotions.

As most women are.

His fingers pry the robe open, just enough to uncover the fusty bandage on her torso.

Carefully, his eyes descend from her face to her chest, unable to ignore the way the fabric hangs on the edge of her small perky breast. The roundness of it appears tempting enough to sink his teeth in and leave a nice, bleeding bite mark for another scar on that beautiful pure skin.

You love it when they’re pure.

He brushes that vampiric thought away, trying to keep a clear, indifferent mind as he begins to peel the medical tape from her pale flesh.

The coldness on his face is mesmerizing. There is not an inch of care as he removes the old bandages and exposes her ghastly injury. The crescent line is bulging out, looking purple and irritated while the damaged skin around the area of the wound is white with a tint of blue. She stares at it with almost clinical fascination, her gaze tracing the shape and the amateur-looking stitches without saying a word.

Not even a complaint about damaging her fine-looking body?

“You haven’t answered my question.” His deep voice disturbs her exploration, forcing her to avert her gaze to his face. He is stern, focused on the wound as if he has any care for her well-being. Using the back of his fingers, he moves one side of the robe to further examine the status of the stitches.

“Which one? You ask so many August, you’re like a really boring date.”

If truth be told, the last 14 hours have been anything but boring. She kissed death on its fickle lips and was brought back to life by the devil himself to later share moments of carnal euphoria in front of one another.

All in a day’s work.

Yet she prevents him from having that pride, gifting him with snide in her voice and one of her trademark scornful smirks. He smirks back, giving her just as much as hatred in return while opening the bottle of alcohol and pouring some of it onto the sterile gauze.

Oh princess, I’m about to enjoy how much this is going to hurt.

“One: I asked you who Liam is.” he raises his voice and presses the damp gauze onto the wound without warning. His eyes shine with child-like anticipation, waiting for the scream that never leaves her controlled breath. The torment in her glassy grey eyes is apparent yet her face is stoic, not even a twitch of a muscle as she swallows her suffering and keeps her pride.

Impressive.

“Let’s play a game then,” she suggests, her voice strained as she forces herself to speak without any sign of tremor from the searing pain that’s inflicted upon her. August cocks one eyebrow up, curious to hear her suggestion.

“Quid pro quo.”

His head tilts to the side, considering the idea. If anything, August Walker always loved to speak about himself, even when people didn’t know it was himself he was speaking of. Hiding behind the pseudonym of John Lark, he speaks about his horrifying actions as if he was some ghost or a myth, while all the glory was always his.

“Whatever.” He agrees to her terms and continues to wipe the wound clean, applying a wisp of more alcohol to cleanse the blood clots that formed around the stitches. He imagines this hurts like hell, if he was in her place right now he’d be squirming with agony yet she keeps her composure, eyes still as death.

Ingvild watches as he leans closer, his head nearly rests on her chest. He takes his time, patiently examining and cleaning the injury he inflicted on he. August Walker is a patient man. She takes a mental note before deciding to answer his question. “Liam is my job trafficker.”

“You mean your pimp?” he mocks her, his stormy blue eyes granting her a glimpse of his disrespectful reaction before he places the bloodstained gauze away.

He is answered with silence, cold and unyielding, just like her. “Does he or anyone else know I’m here?” he asks, taking an antiseptic ointment and applying it onto a new piece of gauze.

“Are you not a man of your word, August Walker?” she asks and leans back as he presses the bandage onto the wound. “Quid pro quo, remember?”

No, I am the great deceiver.

Her eyes are at him, claiming sincerity from a man who tried to lie and trick her from the moment they first met. But then again, she also was never honest with him to begin with, pretending to be just a girl when she was anything but.

A deep arduous sigh escapes his mouth. He takes a larger piece of dressing and places it onto the wound to cover the entire area.

“Fine, ask away.”

She stares as he takes the medical tape and cuts it into smaller pieces, placing the first piece between her skin and the dressing. He then smooths his finger over the tape to keep the bandage tight on her wound.

“Why do you want to destroy the world, August Walker?”

August pauses, lifting his eyes again to meet her face. She has her chin resting on her fist, staring at him with pure and sick fascination. Almost as if she’s excited to hear the history of this very bad man. It occurs to him in that very instant that the girl who was sent out to eliminate him has not a drop of idea of who she’s been sought out to hunt. Typical Erica Sloane, he thought, let the dogs sniff him out but tell them nothing.

“You really know nothing do you, little girl?”

“I got your file, it tells me everything about you: army service, height, weight, all your operations, skills, achievements, and ex-girlfriends. All the boring stuff.” She explains, watching the frown that forms on his face as if his ego is bruised. “I know that you tried to detonate a nuclear device almost a week ago, but I don’t know why, it’s as if, pieces of the puzzle are… missing?”

She nearly hisses as August places the last piece of tape on her dressing, the careful, clinical touch from before is now replaced by a crude, punishing one. “Did Erica mention what she did?” he asks, pressing his thumb against the tape to create more pressure. “Did she tell you about the rot in the CIA and the government? A system so biased and corrupt that it forces people like you to fall victim to the sickness the old world order created.”

Ingvild watches him intently, ignoring the punishment his fingers wrongfully inflict on her wound as if she’s the one to blame. There is a blazing hot fury in his eyes but also an emotion she hasn’t seen before, deeming those ocean blues to look like an animal that was injured, or stripped off of its pride.

Curious, she thinks to herself while his thumb tightens another tape to her skin and slides onto her torso, grazing the naked skin unkindly.

“I am going to fix the world, princess.” He answers with a rasp in his voice, glaring fiercely into those rain cloud eyes when something hard and cold pushes beneath his chin. The black barrel of a gun, of his gun, sinks into the softness of the tender flesh beneath his jaw.

There is a sick smile dancing on her face as she holds the gun to his face, her finger resting on the trigger, flirting with it while August stares at her in a mixture of surprise and fury.

“No you won’t,” she speaks, and pulls the trigger.

The empty metallic click rings in his ears, but not even a twitch or a wrinkle forms at his face as she pushes her finger against the little nub. She pulls the trigger for the second time and then for the third. All the lines in her brow become apparent, her eyes narrowed with hatred and frustration as she continues to shoot the unloaded gun with gritted teeth.

August grabs her wrist tightly, pulling her hand away and forcing the gun out of her hand. “You really thought I didn’t see you take my gun?” He asks with an arrogant smirk on his face. “That I’d be stupid enough to leave a loaded gun unsupervised with a woman like you, princess?”

She utters a small growl, staring at him with deadly determination while trying to wrest her wrist free from his grasp to no use. “Stop calling me princess. I will kill you, August Walker.”

August hisses with disrespect while staring deeply into her eyes, as if seeking for something in them. Her glare is bewitching. He imagines she has great power over every man who stands in her way like a black widow, luring her prey into the web.

But he is not falling for these tricks. These days are long gone.

With the brisk move of his hands, her wrists are captured and she is forced flat onto the mattress. He places one knee over and shoves her crudely to lie straight between the pillow before slamming her hands onto the bars of the bed. There are no screams of fear or protest from her mouth, but small whispered grunts as she slightly squirms beneath him instead.

It would have been so fun to break her, to strip her from her tightened control and expand her range of emotions to new heights of fear and suffering. But time is not his ally and he imagines it would take more than a few hours.

With wrists so slender he manages to easily subdue her with one hand. Ingvild sucks her breath, watching as the large man hovers above her, appearing much larger and stronger than he did before. If not for her injury, she would have fought him and flipped him over before he knew it but he disarmed her without difficulty. He made her weak and it only makes her heart throb and her skin crawl with tingling anger.

“Don’t try to fight me, it’s not gonna help,” he warns her as he reaches one lengthy arm to the nightstand where remnants of the rope are hidden.

“Convenient,” she teases fearlessly and watches as he moves back and slings the rope over the bars and around her hands several times. His hand tugs at the binds, making sure it’s tight enough to make her hands turn white due to the blood circulation being cut off. The rope hurts her skin, her fingers splay succumbing to the pain and a small moan leaves her lush pink lips.

There it was, the sound he’s been waiting to hear all day long. She’s yielding to her suffering, letting the pain flow through her form. Letting go of the binds, his hand moves to hover above her face, the phantom of a memory of those same eyes soaked in pleasure in his mind. Ingvild stares back silently, yet the bemusement in her eyes is distinguished. She looks like an animal, unsure and untrusting of the predator who stands before her.

August allows his thumb to stroke her cheek, feeling the small flinch beneath the tip of his finger. He traces the outline of her jaw, giving her a small hazy grin. His lips inch closer to hers, his eyes shutting as he visibly inhales the scent of her body. “Don’t provoke me angel, I won’t stop even if you cry.”

Her eyes focus on the freckles at his nose, secretly counting them before her gaze drops to his lips, studying the shape beneath the coarse hair of his moustache. August awaits for that rewarding expression of fear to shadow her face yet she gives him not an inch of vulnerability. Twice he had the empty pit that is her soul naked. Once at the lake, the other in the shower. This is a woman he saw in two of her very worst moments in life yet her composure is a desert of ice.

“Huh…” He huffs with intrigue and shifts away from the bed, leaving her captive and helpless with pain building in her wrists.

“Where are you heading next?” Ingvild teases, knowing she will not receive a solid answer. Her eyes follow August as he rushes through the room, trying to learn every detail that may provide a hint of where he is heading next.

Ignoring her he grabs the leather traveling bag, placing it on the desk and pausing as he begins to carefully calculate his steps. The sun highlights his tall frame as he stands still. Ingvild stares at how the light makes him look golden and almost god-like.

“Will you just leave poor little me like this?” She asks with false sweetness on her tongue, her hands tugging the ties fruitlessly, making the bars shake and the pain in her wrists worse with the friction of the rope cutting into her skin.

August chuckles, turning to look at her as she attempts to provoke him. “Don’t worry love, housekeeping will pick you up at one point.”

He collects every item meticulously, sweeping through the room to make sure nothing is forgotten. The room appears more tidy and organized than it was before he walked in, except of course, for the half-naked woman tied to the bed posts.

I’m sure it will make for some hilarious stories among the hotel staff.

His mobile phone buzzes, a message from Knight_of_Darkn3ss has been received.

“Fucking idiotic nerd name.” He mutters and shakes his head as he opens the message:

“I have arranged an exit point for you. The Love boat leaves in 2 hours. Better hurry, Lark.”

“I’ll keep coming after you, Walker Texas Ranger…” She sounds peaceful as she makes her threat, as if she’s speaking politely of the weather or asking him about his day. “I always finish a job.”

He slips the phone back into his pocket and turns to stare at the girl who is no longer afraid to die. Now vamping with death instead, she lies relaxed in the sun-shower of the bed, surrounded by a sea of white sheets with red floral patterns. They look more like splatters of blood from where he is standing.

She doesn’t fight the bind that holds her anymore, remaining calm with her hands above her head like a sacrifice.

“Should I have left you to die then?” August asks darkly, making his advance toward her with long, heavy strides. His eyes are shadowed with lust for the kill, like a hunter that hunts for sport. He hovers above her once more, staring deep into those icy grey eyes.

“I wanted to grant you the gift of always knowing I took your life and gave it back.” He answers cruelly, and bites his lower lip. His hand hovers over her form, moving like a maddened composer. “Enjoy whatever life I gave you, sweet Ingvild. Don’t play the hero and try to save the world, or try chasing me. I won’t be merciful next time.”

A cold grin begins to spread across her face, slowly growing into vile laughter that thunders in his ears. “I don’t care if this world burns, let it go to ashes.” She stares at him sincerely, her grin now replaced by a determined hateful glare.

“All I care about is the job. I will terminate you.”

The world was indeed in her last concern. It was never kind to her and she cared very little about the stupid people who harboured it and even less about the ugliness and toxicity that it stenched from. Her only concern in life was to never fail a mission. And Liam, who was the only person she had what she believed to be a relationship of some sort.

Bewildered and impressed by her brutal honesty, he nearly allows himself to fall deeper into the trap that is being offered in front of him. The temptation to delve deeper and seek those vulnerabilities, to rip her to shreds now when she is in her weakest moments. But he clears his mind from thoughts, forbidding them to pester him of ghosts from his previous life. He is a man on a mission and now he must leave the girl behind.

“Farewell, dear Ingvild.”

Ingvild watches carefully, trying to comprehend his actions as he crouches above her, imprisoning her square chin with his forceful fingers. As he sinks closer, his breath caresses her skin, and she smells the scent of coffee and cologne mixed with his natural musk. Her heartbeats become abnormal, as if preparing her body for battle. She tries to escape his grip as his fingers travel to her throat, realizing he means to snap her neck.

But instead she is assaulted by the tender brush of his lips, slow and feather-like they land onto hers. August feels a delicacy so tender that his instinct is to sink his teeth in it. Yet he reverts from it, pulling away before these thoughts grow into actions.

Silence takes the room as he departs, making strong hasty strides while grabbing his traveling bag. Ingvild watches how his long coat flings in the air like a cape of a villain as he hurries to the door. He doesn’t look back, not even when he shuts the door, leaving her alone in the room with her lips tingling.

*~*~*

It took nearly 20 minutes to fight for her freedom. She tugged, pushed, and tore off the skin from her wrists until the wooden bars gave in before her hands did. At one point she felt as if she was close to blacking out. She was injured, starved, and dehydrated yet she endured. Adrenaline is spiking liquid in the tendons of her throat, keeping her fighting like a berserker.

Being beaten was a physical concept she never experienced before. She got her ass kicked in the past, during training, during a combat. But she won and bested every target. Even Liam who was heavier and skilled eventually fell on his back with her heel shoved onto his chest.

August Walker taught her the true meaning of failure and lack of control. The more thoughts of killing him sprang in her mind, the more it felt like butterflies that were locked fluttering in her chest.

Dressed in her still damp suit and a pair of gloves, she unlocks the door to her apartment with a meek hand. She’s not so surprised to find Liam sitting on her couch with a look of disdain on his face, not even bothering to look concerned at her sickly pallor.

She gives him an odd glare as she shuts the door behind her. “Were you waiting here all day long with the same face and didn’t move until the moment I walked in, or did you time this?”

“Where the hell were you? I couldn’t call or trace you,” Liam ignores her joke, giving her a stern glare while quickly observing her messy appearance. “This isn’t like you, Ingvild, you are not clumsy.”

“I dropped my phone into the toilet while I was on a date,” she teases again, shaking her head at him with fake disbelief and then throws her key at the stand near the door. August’s folder is on the coffee table in the living room, just where she left it before leaving on her failed mission.

She ignores Liam’s unsatisfied face, bouncing on her feet lightly and then sitting down next to the coffee table while grabbing the file to reread it.

Liam glares at her with a clenched jaw, his lips stretched to a thin line while he looks at the girl as she acts so juvenile. Legs crossed together while her eyes sift through the documents urgently, she tries to find anything that will give a clue.

“You think this is a game? You know the terms of your contract, don’t make me remind you what happens if you fail.” He looks at her, reminded of the day he collected her from the orphanage, a weird little girl with a murderous look on her face. Much of her remained the same. The ability to know what really went through that complicated mind of hers was impossible..She was blocked, incapable of feeling anything but starvation in her heart. He only assumed it was for violence.

“I want to read his manifesto,” she lifts her gaze to meet Liam's face. Curiosity is shining on her weary eyes. “Why was it not in the file?”

The older man shrugs, curling his mouth. “Sloane didn’t include it. It’s irrelevant to your mission. Have you made any progress in tracking him?”

“I was naked in bed with him,” she answers nonchalantly, giving him a fake smile and then returning her eyes to the section on the file that mentions his past relationships. Her finger travels down through the list, mouthing the names of his many conquests. No wonder they called him “The Hammer”. There were so many of them.

“Are you going to answer me, Ingi?”

“I need a new phone and I need to get to England tonight if possible.” She finally answers, closing the file and jumping to her feet which she immediately regrets for the astonishing pain in her torso. All day long, since the moment she opened her eyes to find herself in August’s bed, all she wanted to do was throw up from the pain and scream into a pillow.

Liam gets up from his seat as well, the older man towering above her and taking a step forward while studying the determination on her face. “What’s in London, girl?”

“A lead.”

_____________________________________________________

Disclaimer: I do not own Mission Impossible and August Walker!

#August Walker #Henry Cavill #August Walker Smut #Henry Cavill Smut #mission impossible fallout #Mi6 #August Walker x OFC #Henry Cavill x OFC #Henry Cavill Fanfiction #August Walker Fanfiction #augustwalker #augustwalkersmut

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louloubabys1992 · 3 years

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Five Favs of 2020

I was tagged by the amazingly talented @mercurial-madhouse to do this and I thank you for it as its been a while since I’ve looked at my fics or any of my work really....so here goes :D

RULES: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work.

1-Hang there like fruit, my soul/Till the tree die

Fic summary;

''You still want me?'' he asks, voice thick. ''Yes,'' Harry's answer is absolute, almost defiant. ''But my hands are empty,'' Louis shakes his head. ''I've got nothing to offer you.'' ''I don't care about that. Do you see my hands?'' Harry asks before he cups Louis' face. His touch is gentle. He's always gentle when it comes to Louis. ''When I'm not holding you, I feel empty, but like this,'' he presses closer until their faces are inches apart. He caresses the apple of Louis' cheeks and that's when Louis realizes that he's spilled tears and Harry's wiping them. He didn't even notice; too busy looking into Harry's kind, kind, kind alpha eyes. ''I feel like I'm holding the world and I don't feel empty anymore,''

Louis knows he's a defective omega. He knows its also not his fault but it is what it is. He takes the world head on even when the world is unkind to him. Not Harry though; stubborn as he is, he doesn't back down, not when it comes to Louis

Note;

Those who read this fic know that this is my first ever abo fic. I wrote this in a time when I thought the world was ending. I had been on lockdown like the rest of us with not much to do and yet all the time in the world to finally do what I’m truly passionate about, which is writing. I don’t know if anyone noticed this but the difference between this fic and my latest one was six months (aside from a 16 chapter fic which I was writing almost simultaneously with ‘’Hang there’’ so for it to get any kudos or comments at all is quite unbelievable to me and I am really proud of the journey it took me on. It was one bumpy but amazing ride.

2-As the snow flies

Fic Summary:

’'I can’t sleep without you anymore. Got used to you.’’ Harry is always like that, so transparent with his feelings, so abundant with his love. He cuddles Niall the most, always stares up at Zayn like he’s something cool and out of this world, always attentively serious with Liam and always helping Leona out in the kitchen. He’s not so different from the shy, timid boy he’d first met, still stands pigeon toed when he’s waiting for Louis and the lads to go home after school, still stands with his shoulders all hunched but then he sees Louis and suddenly he’s taller, brighter, smile and dimples on full display.

He’s so beautiful.

-Or the fic in which Louis and Harry are foster kids who get separated long before they could even understand what loving each other means. They were so young and since then, circumstances had made Louis tough, had forced him to harden up. What happens when he and Harry meet again?

Notes:

Probably the easiest fic I’ve ever written because the idea had been swirling in my head for years, I just never had the time to sit down and put pen on paper (or letters on a word document hahah). It’s not for the faint of heart, I know, but I’ve always wanted to write it and flush it out of my system and when I did finally start writing it, it wasn’t as hard as writing my other fics. Like, I knew how it would end, I knew what scenes I had to cut out, what fit, what did not fit and I have to say, even though the outcome is not the way I had imagined it at first but it is everything it was meant to be in the end :D

3-The Boy with the Tin Chest and a Glass Heart

Written for the @bottomlouisficfest

Fic summary:

Alpha Harry Styles, world-renowned author of fairy-tales, is being persuaded by the Beta, Liam Payne to hire a new illustrator. Since Harry’s own illustrations are too graphic for what is supposed to be children’s stories, Liam feels the need is dire. Omega Louis does not agree with Liam since he believes that Harry’s stories are fine just the way they are. Of course this has nothing to do with Louis being totally biased or totally head over heels for Harry. It certainly has nothing to do with being jealous of the mysterious omega illustrator Liam has in mind to team Harry up with. Seriously, it has nothing to do with that at all. Nothing, absolutely nothing, zilch, nada. Yeah...

Notes;

During my time of self isolation while the world tore itself apart, I busied myself with writing and watching k-drama series to distract from being anxious and swept by it all. It did wonders for me, occupying my time like that as I have always loved writing and this year, I found a new love for korean actors and their dramas and I have to say, their stories have such amazing plot lines. This fic is heavily inspired by one k-drama series called ‘’its okay not to be okay’’ starring Kim Soo Hyun and Seo Yea-ji (I hope I got the names spelled right). Please do watch it if you haven’t already :D

4-The Importance of being Earnest

part of the @1000feelingsfics

fic summary;

Harry cannot help but pay extra attention to Louis' order, even if it is just a warm cup of tea with a dash of milk and no sugar. He also makes sure that the Danish Louis asks for is warm and fresh from the oven and not the one in the display, even if it means delaying Louis a bit when he fetches said Danish from the kitchen. It's all worth it when Louis smiles his crinkly smile at him before he rushes off to work.

Man, he's hot, he cannot help but think.

Or Harry is a barista who's been harboring a crush on Louis for months. Little does he know that Louis actually likes him back.

Note:

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before but this fic was included in a podcast which has never happened to me before and I am so so so happy and proud that my fic got that type of attention (or any attention at all hahahaha) so like, it is quite special to me and honestly, a lot of the fics written for the @1000feelingsfics challenge are really, truly incredible

5-Bed of Nails

fic summary;

Louis has been keeping a secret for a very long time. The boys don’t know because he doesn’t tell them, not because he doesn’t want to but because he doesn’t think they need to know or be bothered by his troubled past. When they find out, they look at Louis differently. But Harry doesn’t. No, he loves Louis and will do anything in his power for his love to find its way through the cracks.

Or the one where Louis has a troubled past that catches up to him and Harry does his best to save him from it.

Notes:

This is my longest fic ever, not just in chapter count but in time (it took me actual years to finish it, whew, what a journey). A lot of things happened while writing this fic but one event that stands out among the rest; I lost my younger brother back in 2016. He was only 23 years old. I started writing this fic in 2015 and finished it January 2020. Losing George crippled me both mentally and emotionally. I had no power, no inspiration and definitely no will to do anything but try and seem okay for the sake of my grieving parents. I bottled it all up to try and seem strong in front of them and in return, I forgot about anything else, including my passions and my hobbies. It took me a herculean effort to finish this fic and I mostly did it because writing to me, is like an itch. I can stop writing sure but every once in a while, that itch that nags at you like an incessant person knocking, begging you to just open up the door on the swirl of words blasting your brain in the middle of the night, begging you to just do something, doesn’t ever completely go away. So, I didn’t ignore it and decided to finish it, no matter how long it took. The itch to write went away after that and a sense of calm and accomplishment took over instead. I miss George till this day. Nothing will ever turn off that feeling but writing to me, in any form, whether in my journal or fics or whatever, does have the power to push me through the day.

And there goes; my 2020 fics. I want to tag a lot of people but I think most people I know here already did it but if you see this or read this, take that as your cue to do it too. We all need some self love in this world and self love is what we deserve.

Happy new year everybody :D

#fics #larry fics

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evilishei · 3 years

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Saw this from @itsthemoofacewriting. It honestly looks fun and what better way to start 2021 here in Tumblr? 😊

3... 2... 1... START!!!

1. ZoNa. Romance... with a hint of suggestiveness and a dash of nsfw.

2. The first one-shot in the Treading Uncharted Waters collection. It was NSFW, smut. Something I haven't tried to write ever since I started fanfiction writing. It was then I realized that: "Boy this stuff is HARD!" My respect for the authors who are able to write it flawlessly tripled, even quadrupled!

3. The Whimsical Kisses scribbles. It's like chose one prompt and there all done!

4. The Importance of Not Being Nosy and Behind Closed Doors from the Little Bits and Pieces of Heaven collection. I've enjoyed everything from it. Thinking of scenes, writing the scenes, the way the story just flowed out. It turned out to be really a fun piece.

5. Hop around. Most of the times, the scenes will just come to me at random. From that one scene, I work around to complete the whole story framework. Very rare it happens that the scene would be the actual start... if it does, I still hop around.

6. Yeah. For another fandom. It was the first story I've ever written and I honestly didn't like the way it turned out, planned to fix it and forgot all about it.

7. To just keep writing, regardless.

8. So far... none that I can remember?

9. No. I haven't done that yet.

10. So far the official count is 34. Not including those that are in my phone notes or wasn't officially titled "draft #".

11. Every single one of them. I can't choose really. I wrote them with everything I've got. Be it a scribble, drabble, a vignette or a one-shot.

12. I Don't Dance & Sweet Dreams by Anonymous Being and Mystery Pants by AshaRose. Everything I want in ZoNa is there. I can read them over and over again and still feel what I felt when I first read them.

13. There's this one review I've received this year that was really thoughtfully written. And I appreciate it so much. It made me feel really good that I still kept writing for my ship. I didn't know how much my stories can affect other shippers especially since my OTP is not one of the popular ones in the fandom. It gave me the drive to continue writing.

14. I wouldn't call it worst... though I'd give points for that reviewer for speaking his/her mind. To be honest, I don't really care what he/she thinks, I have writing style preferences and if it the style proves to be a bit uncomfortable for you... you're welcome not to read it.

Funny thing, the reviewer does not even ship my OTP.

15. Uhm... I don't think I want to touch that. I sincerely believe that each writer have their own take on their stories and I'm afraid if I try to write a a prequel or sequel, I might end up sullying their story. Hahaha!

16. Yes. That's what happens when fics for you OTP is scant.

17. Not the stories for my ship. Hahaha! Probably for a more novel-like story I would?

18. Nami.She's an easy character to write. And Usopp. They're both upfront with their thoughts and emotions.

19. I struggle with Zoro. And Luffy to be honest. Both are simple-minded. And the simplicity is what honestly gets me most of the times.

20. Yes. And miserably fail at them. That's how the WIPs reached 34.

21. Any Zona writer is automatically my favorite writer. I'm that biased.

22. Yeah. A lot. But I want a babyfic or a time travel trope.

23. Hmm... same sex relationship tropes probably, for now.

24. Let's see... 18 years if we count my writing hiatus in between 2003 up to now. Dear god I'm old.

25. A lot actually. Writers who wrote really superb stories, my favorite book authors... in the end everything is mixed up that I cannot pinpoint whose influence is in what.

26. Writer's block. And drained enthusiasm. Both gets you stuck in a place that's really hard to get out. And eventually leads to procrastination and forgotten WIPs that just keeps piling up.

27. The sudden, random idea that pops inside your head, making you jot it down the nearest available, writable surface.

28. When it's done and up in your blog or page. You get to stare at its entirety while thinking: "Damn I can't believe I finished this! I can't believe I wrote this!".

29. It's a fantasy fic. My OTP is a witch and a man cursed to become a familiar who met accidentally and ventured on a random adventure together, helping people and unwitttingly causing mayhem every where they go until they eventually end up in a kingdom where the familiar came from. The kingdom was in an uproar because one of their nobles who was supposed to marry another from a neighboring country, had disappeared three nights before his wedding day.

That's all I'm willing to share. Hahaha!

30. I honestly don't know. Hahaha! The OTP? Hahahaha!

#opening the year with a bang!#honestly this is fun #let's have a good ZoNa year fellow shippers!

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felineincognito · 4 years

Text

Just A Tentative Theory

So I'm new to the Larry and 1D fandoms -brought in by Harry and Loui's solo careers- and I've just binged so many proof videos in literally the two months I've been a part of this thing. Along with all of those I've seen a fair few proof vides of other ships within the fandom, some really biased and others that almost make sense.

Not hating on or discrediting other ships!! This is all just based off my own observations and what I’ve been able to piece together from all of the content I’ve gone through. And I'm sorry it's so rutting long and rambley at bits, I am running on so little sleep I wanna cry and caffeine fumes.

So... this is my babyfan theory and feel free to comment or run with it just remember I'm new to all this and had to get this idea out?

So what if in the beginning, when Louis and Harry met on X-Factor, you have these 2 sweet young boys who like each other but don't really have a lot of hope of anything working out because they're both contestants shooting for the same prize so they harbor these innocent little acquaintance crushes like you'd get on someone you sit down the row from in class in highschool or something right? But then they get made into a group and all of a sudden they're all up in each other's space and they're bunking together and they realize they really do like each other but neither have much experience in relationships yet or more intense emotions so they keep it fairly quiet. They figure that with the press they're getting with the show and the stress of wanting to do well and everyone feeling each other out as a group they really would rather their little romance be just theirs for a little while longer. And of course people in charge of publicity encourage this mindset, telling them that if they come out as a new/forming couple or let it be known they like each other (or just boys in general) that way there would be more attention on that (not all of it good either) than their actual talents or performance(s) and the other boys would be pushed to the sidelines in favor of them and that's just not fair to the other 3 now is it?

Then they don't win X-Factor and they think that's it until they get brought in to make a boyband even though they didn't win because they're just that f-ing popular. But this thing between them is still new and fragile and they haven't had time to work out just what it is or if it's something that's going to last and the label swoops in with a legal gag dressed up as a temporary fix. They don't tell anyone about them, don't do anything overt in public, maybe be seen/paired off with a girl or 2 as a red herring for the press, giving them time to just figure this all out and see if they really will work. And they take it because they're young and this is the chance they've always wanted and there are 3 other lads who will suffer if the two of them turn this down. So they sign and they try to follow the scripts and listen to what their handlers and managers tell them but they're cheeky kids in puppy love and it's almost like a game to see how far they can push it and just what counts as too much when all of the boys are so tactile and affectionate with each other.

And they really do fall in love. In the whirlwind that is the first couple of years, the song writing, the tours, the hours put in at the recording studio and every single press conference and public appearance in between, they fall in love. And it's great and it's good and somewhere along the way they think this might be it for them and they're ready to come out but then the label hits them with the gag they signed and they realize just what it means. They realize that they basically signed away their rights to talk about it or show their love or share it with their fans because it might hurt their image, affect their popularity and hurt their profits. But that's okay, because they have each other and they're in love and the girl Louis is 'dating' isn't so bad and she's cool about the whole thing.

But then it gets hard. The press is making Harry out to be this womanizing sex symbol and pushing for Louis and the girl he's with to start getting serious because supposedly they'd been together while Louis was on the show and really it's about time isn't it? And during all of that the Larry Stylinson fandom has been born and they're putting the pieces together and the lads are cheeky things who are hurting because they can't tell the world they're in love and while Niall supports/ships them (at least from how he acts in proof videos I've seen) Liam agrees with management about not being open about it while Zayn is an odd mix of the 2. So they push it and they let things slip and they give the fans enough to put it together without violating their contracts and yeah management pushes back and takes measures so they don’t seem as close and to hopefully quiet the rumours but overall it's okay again for a while.

Then Harry starts figuring parts of himself out. And he wants to start wearing pretty shirts, bright colours and flashy patterns and painting his nails but they tell him he can't because those are girl shirts and it's too femme to paint his nails and wear bright colours and pastels and it hurts because he just can't be himself. And he wants out. He's tired of being scared he's going to mess up on stage or people won't like their songs enough for the label's liking and he just wants to be able to love Louis without worrying about what everyone else thinks and their little codes and touches just aren't always enough anymore.

So they start to fight. Louis is too scared to leave because he doesn't think he's good enough without the band and they're both still so young and have only been in this world for a few years how can they be sure they'd make it? How do they know that they won't just crash and burn and that will be the end of it? So they fight and they hurt each other and they're already living apart and barely seeing each other outside of work related or group functions because of management and Louis kind of lets himself fall into the illusion of the relationship he's being made to partake in and Harry finds himself growing closer to the other lads and pushing his limits with his wardrobe and public persona.

Now the next bits are where my theory starts to get a little more wobbly because like I said I'm new and my info digging skills are not as good as others in the fandom. A lot of it is based off of videos by freddieismyqueen (before she took them down), larrystylinson 28, Larry Stylinson's Utopia, s e p t e m b e r 2 8 and FireproofLarry.

So in the midst of the fighting and the hurting and both being so scared for so many different reasons they kind of fall apart. To Harry, Louis has chosen his career over their relationship and Louis is hurt and upset that Harry can't/won't see where he's coming from on all of this. And this is where Zarry comes in.

Throughout the Larry jealousy videos one of the things that stuck out to me was that there were a lot of Zarry moments and they seemed closer to the end of the 1D timeline. Before that most of them were just the references to Harry with girls, him being 'flirty' with interviewers or fans or just general cheeky sort of passively possessive moments probably played up to irk management and give the fans more to go off of. But then we get to the points where Harry and Zayn interact more on stage and Louis starts to look right pi**ed and just watches without doing any sort of possessive holding or touches or cheeky little looks and whispers like we're used to. No, Harry and Zayn start flirting on stage or being closer during interviews and Louis is angry and passive aggressive. And in the background Niall looks like he has no idea what the heck to do about all of this and Liam is just done with their cr*p.

So Louis gets his head out of the dirt and tries to make it up to Harry. And it works because this lad is head over heels for Louis and Zayn is left behind. But maybe Harry doesn’t realize that things were a little more on Zayn’s end. Maybe it hurt a little more than expected when the two lads finally figure themselves out. Or maybe Harry and Zayn really were just friends and the ‘Zarry’ moments just ruined his friendship with Louis and he felt it ruined his friendship with Harry too because Louis sees Zayn as a threat now so there’s bloody tension and such all over the place. (personally I’m leaning towards the last and that Louis’ jealous streak probably came out and he had a few a**shole moments because come on guys, he’s only human and they went through a lot as performers in the public eye and if you listen to a lot of his interviews there’s a lot of insecurity issues he’s dealt with over the years)

Then that blessed September 28th happened and it helps their relationship because honeymoon phase yo. But that’s 2013. Life goes on and it gets hard again and they’re pushing it again and life happens. Zayn leaves and it hurts the band because they’re in the middle of a tour and from what I’ve gathered he kind of just shut them out of his life. And so Harry is hurting because losing a friend is hard and Louis is upset that the band is falling apart and the media is having a heyday with the story and they’re in the middle of a blasted tour and that good old jealous streak comes out with Harry being so upset over Zayn leaving. So he’s scared and hurting, and mistakes are made.

Now we know that Liam confessed to a drinking problem at one point and there have been references of Louis having his moments as well. And Louis and Harry still have to ‘date’ girls and Louis is always the long-term one so it would stand to reason that he would have a decent rapport with the girls he’s seen with, that these would be people he learns to be comfortable with. And overindulgence in the presence of someone you trust or are familiar with when you’re hurting can lead to lapses in judgement. Which is probably how we got little Freddie. (And that is all being said of him because we don’t need to drag a child into all this drama people)

Louis being unfaithful, even if it wasn’t intentional, right after Zayn left would put a strain on their relationship and would cause another off period. But they’re still fools in love and married at this point so they try to make it work and they kind of come together again and they figure out how to move forward. But Louis is going to be a dad and their contracts are almost up and Harry still wants out.

So the band splits and Louis is so scared of what comes next and he’s trying to make it all work and the songs he’s released get good responses but not as much as he’d hoped and X-Factor doesn’t pan out and the other 4 are off living their lives. Zayn’s music career is a success and Niall waits awhile but his music is popular fairly right off the bat as well and Liam at least is still in the public eye and Harry is making waves. He’s wearing clothes he couldn’t before and he’s wearing all of the bright prints and flashy colours and those pearls happen and he’s in a movie ya’ll and he’s good at it.

And it takes Louis awhile but he finds his sound and he starts to make music he’s happy with and proud of and he’s finding himself. But he’s still with that old label and the same management.

So here’s where it gets closer to the present. Harry has a thing with Kendall but they part on good terms and I’m guessing it has to do with he tried for appearances sake and she gets it and probably low-key ships them but understands being discreet and giving them time to work it out.

So Louis wants Harry. Harry wants Louis. Louis is probably bound by another form of that dratted legal gag. So Harry waits. Because Harry isn’t scared anymore and he’s figured himself out and he’s happy with himself and he’s in a place where he can be himself and can encourage others to do the same. He gets it now that he’s older and seen more of the industry outside of their 1D bubble and he’s had to handle stuff on his own and he’s killing it.

Louis writes songs about them and being young fools and how love hurts and you have to be either young and dumb or just f-ing brave to go through with it. Harry writes songs about the stages a relationship (specifically theirs) goes through and they have their little rendezvous and Harry fosters this community of love and acceptance of others and Louis talks about finding yourself and being happy with yourself. And Harry has found himself, is happy with himself and Louis is almost there and he’s got that pesky legal gag anyway.

So Harry waits and he’s okay with that because in the end they love each other and he knows where Louis’ heart is and no matter what they have each other, He’s waited this long he can wait a bit more to tell the world just how much he loves this stupid wonderful man.

#larry stylinson #larry is real #larry theory #larry stylinson theory #harry styles #louis tomlinson #treat people with kindness #only the brave

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readersguidetotheuniverse · 4 years

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Folie a Trois: a group read of... More Than Maybe by Erin Hahn

The supporting characters

Ariadna: From Zack to Meg, Phil to Marcus... I really liked that the supporting characters had background and depth... for a YA romance novel, that it is. Ok, they are not the deepest, most exceptional characters –they are a little bit stereotyped, and everything is sooo rose-coloured tinted–, but I appreciate how the relationships between them are depicted and how every one of them has their own unique quirks and background story. Nevertheless, I must add... I think Hahn’s attempt to make all the characters these goody-two-shoes has made some characters sort of a decaf version of what they should realistically be, see Charlie Greenly, Phil Josephs, Cullen... At times they were so soft they became even boring to me. I understand Hahn’s religious views, but honestly, no one is that good.

Alicia: I liked the supporting characters quite a lot, actually, all of them. In many young adult novels you find rather flat secondary characters that only exist to complement the main characters, but not in this one. All of them were complex, with their own defined personalities and their own stories. There were a few moments when I got a bit irritated by someone's actions, Cullen uploading Luke's song behind his back, for example. But real people are flawed and make mistakes so it's only fair that fictional characters do, too.

Marina: First off, I have to say I loved all the secondary characters. I have to agree with Ariadna though, they are not overly deep but they get you right on the feels. I especially enjoyed seeing the different relationships between them –Zach and Cullen <3–. To be honest I found it a bit frustrating that they all kept telling Vada how amazing she is and how well she’s doing but it takes Luke, a person whom she’s officially met recently, to stand up to her dead-beat father. Talking about fathers, Phil is an amazing father figure and I’m really glad he at least encouraged Vada to follow her dreams. On a side note, can I just say that the first time I read about Cullen and Zach I pictured a more lanky version of Emmett Cullen dating Zeke (from high School Musical)? And that’s why I found it hilariously amusing when they started talking about Teen Wolf. Whatever happened to those DVDs?!

The ‘Bad Apple’ club aka Charlie Greenly

Ariadna: We all grasp to certain extent how business —corporate, big-money businesses— work, and it is understandable Charlie’s nasty partners took advantage of a teen’s rage burst, but, oh, man, how it bothered me when they tried to ruin poor Phil’s fund-raiser... What bothered me the most, though, is how Charlie Greenly was that blind, how he couldn’t see, beyond his own interests, how important the Loud Lizard was for Luke, his friends and for Ann Arbor, or to what extent the whole ‘Break for You’ issue bothered his own son. I honestly think his heroic act at the end doesn’t quite redeem him of the harm he has done. Besides, Charlie was supposed to be a Punk-rock star... What’s really left of that personality? Has her wife and kids completely transformed him into a dull wimp? Not quite believable, this character is.

Alicia: Charlie made me so mad at him that sometimes I wanted to throw the book across the room. I understand parents always think they know best, it's in their parent DNA. But it was really frustrating and irritating how he kept trying to get Luke to do whatever he wanted, without considering what his son actually wanted. He kept trying to convince Luke to do something he had stated time and time he didn't want to do and was not going to do. He used him for his own interests and treated him kinda badly just cause he didn't fit with his own expectations for him. Realistic as it could be for most people, it's still shitty. It's almost cathartic how he redeems himself at the end by quitting Bad Apple to support his son but that doesn't change his shitty behavior towards Luke during most of the novel.

Marina: I mean Charlie didn’t seem the brightest of the Greenly family, to be honest. I think he should probably listen to his sons more (and his wife). I find it hard to believe he didn’t know what he was getting into. He was a famous punk-rocker at a time where you had to be clever and sharp-witted, like, is he smart enough to stay away from hard drugs and keep his career afloat (and later become an accomplished music producer) but not know how to choose business partners? Apparently. And talking about his previous life as a punk-star… Can he stop trying to live his life through Luke? It finally dawned on him in the end, yes, but throughout the book Luke (and later Cullen) explicitly told him he didn’t want to be famous, it doesn’t excuse his behaviour!

Soundtrack

Ariadna: While some of the tracks on this book’s OST are not my cup of tea (see Demi and Taylor), I must confess: I’ve been listening to TøP the whole week. Hahn got me at Car Radio *shrugs*. Working in the book industry, I’ve always felt books, when possible, should offer something extra. I really love that this book, even more considering it is addressed to teens and YA, offers this little something to connect it to the readers’ real world, to make the story even more realistic. I think it is a loss that the book itself doesn’t include a QR code or a link to a playlist itself, but it is an easy search away in Spotify, thanks to some nice reader that has already put it up!

Alicia: I just had this one little issue with the music/artists mentioned in the novel: Vada hates Stevie Nicks and consequently I hate Vada. There won't be any hate towards Stevie Nicks in my presence. She is an excellent artist and I will not hear otherwise. Other than that I actually loved how important music in general is in the novel and how many real actual songs are shared along the story. I expected to find mostly alternative/indie bands so there was no surprise there. And music can tell a lot about someone so it was interesting to see the music Luke and Vada listen to, to understand them better. Also it was really nice to get so many songs in so many different styles to actually discover new songs myself. I'm really happy about how music really does play an important part in the book.

Marina: I’ve mentioned I like it when authors add their little soundtracks to the books but this one goes far beyond that. You get to listen to the songs throughout the characters’ actions and feelings and the music is not only an add-on but it becomes part of the plot. Which, granted, it’s a book about a girl who writes reviews about bands and a boy that writes songs, how can music not be part of the book? But it goes beyond the “here’s a song that inspired this chapter/book/scene” to a basic subplot. Coincidentally, we all looked up different songs on Spotify because we hadn’t heard them before and we found a playlist made by a reader, we hope you enjoy it too!

Vada and Luke’s relationship

Ariadna: It is interesting to read a YA romance novel in which the main action doesn’t revolve 100% around the romance. It is way healthier than most: both Vada and Luke have clear goals and motivations that are not biased by their relationship, they motivate and encourage each other, there is no narcissistic chauvinist - submissive flower dynamics going on —thank the gods–, and they are supercute and honest with themselves. However —I always have one of these–, it is still a naive teen relationship, mostly in terms of the plotting and the writing. Surprisingly —see the irony— they both have had crushes on each other for years, but they haven’t acted upon it until now. They NEVER fail, get mad, do any bad deeds... ANYTHING. Are they even teenagers? Honestly, I hate when the characters in a book are these holier-than-thou perfection vessels. Added to the not-really-that-big-of-a-deal problems (what happened with the instagram issue? What about Vada’s funds for college? They don’t even really get *really* mad because of the Bad Apple thingy...), they feel kind of bland and not too realistic for my tastes.

Alicia: At the beginning I thought it was a bit rushed, how quickly they trusted each other considering they had barely interacted before. Even if they had a crush on the other that doesn't mean they actually knew that person, not really. As they spent more time together and got to know each other, their relationship evolved pretty organically and naturally, to a point when it just made sense. It was really cute to see how they got closer through awkward encounters and how their passion for music helped them connect and relate to the other. Having read many young adult romances, it gets old very fast. The stories get kinda predictable and hard to believe. This one also had some predictable moments, almost all of them do, but overall it was a really nice love story, one I could actually believe.

Marina: To be honest, I expected this book to be less about the music and more about the relationship between Luke and Vada. I think what Erin Hahn accomplished in this book is to show a much more mature relationship than I expected. I thought this would be your typical YA-Romance with a lot of drama and kissing, but instead I got a slow-burn story (so slow, it felt like moving through molasses) with depth, insecurities and, yes, drama. I think both these characters are more mature than expected on a YA romance novel and it was surprisingly refreshing. You still get some teenage-y sub-plots, i.e. the prom or even the 15-minutes of fame; but it doesn’t take away from the blossoming relationship between Luke and Vada.

The Grass is Greenly and Behind the Music

Ariadna: I must be growing too old for this s**t, but I don’t get the whole podcast/blog thing. I get it, social networking does this kind of thing: turning a nobody into an internet sensation in a matter of days, but... I agree with Alicia, it is too much of a coincidence (one of the deus-ex-machina I so much hate) that both the main characters are internet-known... in a blog, nonetheless! Maybe Hahn could have used precisely this internet presence to make Vada and Luke meet each other, instead of the too-worn-out high-school cliché. And Marina has made me think... maybe some interludes as Cullen’s podcasts, letting us know some behind-the-scenes gossip (The Lindsay issue, Luke and Vada’s first kiss becoming viral, and so on...), would have spiced up the novel a bit more.

Alicia: Okay here's the part I just didn't believe and kind of threw me off a bit. What are the chances of a music blog and a podcast, both run by teenagers of the same age in the same city in the same bar, becoming really popular and actually viral. Who even reads blogs anymore anyway? (Says while writing in a blog). It was just quite hard to believe so many people read Behind the Music that even ROLLING STONE became interested. Yeah sure this extremely known successful music magazine wants a fresh out of high school blogger to work for them. And then the podcast. What could two teens have to say to have a podcast so popular that when Cullen uploads Luke's song it literally gets millions of reproductions and attracts attention everywhere. And both of them being run by two people working in the same place, going to the same high school… the world is not actually that small. Sorry it's just kind of extremely unrealistic and didn't particularly like that part.

Marina: Seeing the “behind-the-scenes” of the day to day of a podcast was very interesting. I guess it would have been better if Cullen told the story as he is the one that does most of the work. Also, how did they get that famous? Is it just because of their dad? I don’t really get it. On the other side, I find it incredibly unbelievable that a teenage girl has that much input on a music blog that isn’t even hers and gets to go to concerts and stuff like that. I get that Phil is a cool guy but how come the blog is so famous and he doesn’t really care about it or mentions it much during the book besides sending Vada places? I just don’t understand that.

Overall

Ariadna: Honestly, I’m not one for YA romance novels, I think I’ve outgrown them by far, and they usually bore me. That said, this book has surprised me for good. It is a light read, doesn’t follow the genre clichés, it doesn’t make everything revolve around the main characters’ love interest, the supporting characters have personalities of their own and it has a wide-ranged well-put playlist, which I think is great for teens and young adults to read. I particularly didn’t like the religious issues coming up from time to time, but, overall, this is the best written book of the three we’ve already read for Folie a Trois, and that’s a lot to say!

Alicia: Overall it was a really cute book. Initially it took me a while to get into it cause the plot wasn't exactly what I thought it would be, that was a tad disappointing. But then once you begin knowing the characters and they begin to know each other as well it's quite captivating and easy and quick to read. I really enjoyed the love story, I loved how diverse the characters are and how they interacted. I really like how the plot develops, too. If you're looking for a soft, cute, easy enjoyable read I definitely recommend this one.

Marina: As most YA books that I read, it was entertaining but it didn't change my life. I really did like Vada and Luke's relationship, as I said I find it more mature for this genre; the music was a big highlight and the drama wasn't overwhelmingly dumb (as is the case in some other books). Overall a good book for summer and a light read for any other season ;)

#folie a trois #group reading #group read #goodreads #feel good #music #romance #love #ya #ya book #young adult #ya novel #more than maybe #erin hahn #book #beach read #readers guide to the universe #rg2universe #rg2u

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starrybethany · 4 years

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William Nylander: Part 8

Word count: 2092

“And why did the whistle blow now?” I question, snuggling closer to William.

His arms tighten around me by instinct. “Offside.”

I throw my head back and let out a loud groan, which causes him to laugh.

“What?” He asks, fingers brushing my bicep lightly.

“We’ve been watching this game for three hours and I still don’t know what offside is!”

“Babe, I explained it to you ten times in ten different ways, I don’t know how you still don’t understand.”

I grumble, sigh, and return my attention to the game. William and I have been hanging out a lot since we first kissed, which was only a week ago. I find any excuse I can to leave my apartment and it’s stench of alcohol and weed to come over to Willy’s to watch some TV and cuddle and kiss.

The hockey player’s phone buzzes on the couch next to him and he picks it up, texting whoever it is back. I have to refrain from peeking at his phone. He sets it back down on the cushion, clearing his throat.

“Some of the boys and their wives and girlfriends want to come over and hang out, are you okay with that?” He asks. I love how he checks and makes sure that I’m comfortable with the idea of his friends coming over instead of just springing it on me. It’s a breath of fresh air from what Mills does.

“Yeah I’m okay with that.”

“Okay, they’ll be here soon.”

We wait in silence for his friends to get here. I’m supposed to be watching the game, but I slowly drift into my thoughts. I’ve only met and talked to William’s friends two times, when I saw them and had breakfast with them that one day and also when I went to the game.

It’s not that I don’t like them, I do, I’m just worried that they don’t like me. I don’t know how much Willy’s told them about me and I don’t know how much their opinion of me would change if he were to tell them about everything I’ve done.

I want to get to know them better because they’re a part of Willy’s life and I want to be more involved with his life, but that includes the approval of his friends.

When his friends arrive they just walk through the door. I’m surprised that so many of them showed up but I shouldn’t be- the team is comprised of like, thirty different guys. They take seats around the room, greeting us and settling in like they live here.

“Have you guys all met Y/N?” William asks. Everyone nods and I get a few smiles, which relieves my nerves.

“What are you guys doing?” Mitch asks.

“I’m trying to teach her how to understand hockey,” he explains.

Now they exchange looks of confusion, which makes me nervous once again. What? Do they only hang out with hockey players? Is it dumb that I don’t understand hockey, will they look down on me now?

“Y/N, where are you from?” Auston asks.

“Toronto, born and raised,” I answer with confusion.

I don’t understand how my birthplace is relevant to this.

“And you don’t understand hockey?”

I shake my head.

“You’ve never been to a game?”

“Well, I went to a Leafs game a couple of months ago,” I answer.

“But besides that-””Besides that I’ve never been to a hockey game.”

Mitch begins to laugh and Auston looks even more baffled.

“How is that even possible?”

“You can’t make fun of her with that shirt on, Matts,” Willy defends me, tugging me into his lap now.

Everyone starts to laugh at Auston’s hideous tie-dye shirt which he instantly begins to defend.

We watch some more of the game before it reaches the second intermission, which is when some people get up to go to the bathroom and get drinks and a conversation resumes in the room.

“You know, if you really want to understand hockey the best way to do it is to go to an actual game,” Zach points out.

“But then who would explain things to me? Would I just Google my questions?” I inquire.

“I can teach you hockey!” Alannah exclaims. “I’ve been to just as many hockey games as these fools, I know the rules just as well as they do. Seriously, come to the game tomorrow and I can explain everything to you.”

“Yeah, that sounds fun,” I agree.

“Looks like you’re being replaced, Will,” Kasperi teases.

I can practically feel the jealousy start to radiate off of him and he moves his arms from casually resting over my shoulder and knee to grip my waist. I giggle at the action, resting a hand over his arm softly. He starts to calm down instantly.

I turn my head towards him so my face is two inches away from his. “No need to be jealous, shortcake, Alannah’s just a friend,” I joke quietly.

He smiles at me, leaning forward to kiss my cheek.

“You two are so cute,” Alannah sighs dreamily.

“Ah, young love. Remember when we were like that, Matts?” Mitch asks Auston lovingly. Auston rolls his eyes as we all laugh.

“So when did you guys start dating?” Kasperi questions.

“Oh, we’re not dating,” I answer, making sure to avoid eye contact with Willy.

“Yet,” he adds.

Everyone makes noises in response before the conversation moves onto something else. I just snuggle into Willy’s arms, listening in.

I screech in excitement, gripping the blonde’s arm next to me. She giggles at how enthusiastic I am, like she has been doing the whole game.

“Did you see that pass connect, Alannah? Zach just hit it and William got it, look at our boys working together!” I cheer.

I’m sure the people around us are annoyed with me by now and it’s only five minutes into the second period. But after all of Willy and Alannah’s efforts, I finally understand hockey. And I love it. I may be biased, but I really love Willy’s playing style and the Toronto Maple Leafs in general.

Everyone tried telling me about their favorite teams growing up but I have a soft spot for the Leafs- I wonder why.

“Oh no, is he okay?” I ask as one of William’s linemates, John Tavares, gets checked into the boards.

“He’s fine, he’s getting up,” Alannah reassures me.

We watch the game with some more comments before it ends, the Leafs winning over the Blues 3-2. Alannah and I wait in excitement for our boys to leave the locker room so we can shower them in kisses and praises. Zach comes out first and makes conversation with us while we wait for Willy.

Finally, the blonde emerges, hair damp and a gray suit covering his body.

“Will, that was such a great game!” I yell, throwing myself into his arms. He manages to catch me and laughs, wrapping his arms under my thighs to support me while my arms go around his shoulders. I bury my face in his neck, inhaling the fresh scent of whatever bodywash he uses.

“Thanks, babe.”

“Did you two lovers want to go to the club with us?” Mitch asks, walking out of the locker room beside Auston.

“Oh,” I hop down, moving to stand beside Willy and wrap an arm around his waist. He returns the favor. “I’m really sorry, boys, but I should be heading home.”

I don’t want to test the waters too much with Mills. He’s been busy with unpaying clients this past week so he hasn’t noticed my absence too much, but I don’t want to push it and be out every day and night all day and night. He for sure would suspect something then and I would get punished for it.

“Okay, maybe next time,” he promises, leaving with Auston.

Willy starts to move us in the direction of the players parking garage and we begin to talk about the game.

He explains some little things that I was confused about and we talk about what we liked and disliked about the game.

“I feel like all you listen to is Post Malone, Will,” I confess with a giggle as he starts the drive home.

“What? I listen to more,” he says defensively, “This is just a really good song.”

“If it’s such a good song then I dare you to sing along,” I tease.

He sends me an amused glance. “Fine, challenge accepted.”

He turns up the volume a little bit, humming along to the beat before attempting to rap along. I can’t help but burst into laughter. I haven’t been this happy in a long time.

And I would love to be this happy forever.

I want nothing more than to be carefree in William Nylander’s expensive-ass car listening to him fail as he tries to rap along to Post Malone for the rest of my life.

I want nothing more than to sit on the couch with Willy and watch game tapes and have his friends come over and talk all night long.

I want to go grocery shopping with him and I want to go to the doctor with him and I want to watch him succeed and fail and I want to have him watch me do those things too.

I want to change. And as much as I would love for Willy to be a big part of my life while I change, I want to do it for me.

I don’t want to rob people anymore. I don’t want to steal from hardworking farmers or even rich people, no matter how much I don’t think they deserve it.

I want to go back to college and turn my life around and someday marry William and have lots of babies with him.

We reach my apartment and he parks at the curb, turning to me and asking softly, “Do you want me to walk you up?”

I shake my head silently. He senses the different vibe in the car and stays quiet, waiting for me to talk. It’s something he’s learned to do after a while- just give me my own space and I’ll tell him what’s on my mind.

I close my eyes, leaning my head back against the headrest. “I don’t want to be with Mills anymore. And I don’t want to live in this apartment anymore.”

I open my eyes, tilting my head to look at him. “And I don’t want to steal anymore or drink anymore or smoke weed anymore.”

“You don’t have to,” he reassures me.

“I have to move out,” I ignore his words, “But this city is so expensive. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I think my best bet is to go home and beg for forgiveness.”

“Move in with me,” he offers. I give him a look. “No seriously! Stay with me for however long you would like. A day, a month, forever.”

“Willy-””Y/N, it’s your best bet to change your life around. And you’ve taught me so much already, it’s the least I could do to repay you,” he begs.

“What are you talking about, you repaying me,” I scoff.

“Y/N.” His soft tone makes me freeze. He grabs my hand gently, leading it to his lips. “Please let me do this for you.”

“Okay.” I nod.

“Do you know if Mills is home now?”

I shake my head.

“Then I’ll go up with you while you pack your stuff.”

I lead him into the apartment building and up to my floor. I open the door, the strong scent of blood hitting me as soon as I step foot into the room.

“Oh my god,” I gasp, covering my mouth.

William steps in behind me, letting out an, “Oh shit.”

In the middle of the living room is a dead man. He looks to be about our age and I honestly can’t tell how long he’s been dead. The pool of blood surrounding his body makes me want to throw up.

“Mills,” I scream out, tears starting to fill my eyes. “Mills!”

I start to run throughout the small apartment, searching for my ex-lover.

“Y/N, I’m calling the police,” I can barely hear William’s voice over my heartbeat.

Holy fuck holy shit. There’s a dead body in my living room- not only that, but an unknown dead body?

Who is this man? Why is he here? Where the fuck is Mills?

Everything is a blur.

#william nylander preference #nhl story crime #nhl story robbery #nhl imagines #nhl preferences

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heart-eyes-kippen · 5 years

Text

You & I

Hi, pls ignore the fact that this is like two days late okay thank u xx

Summary:

“So you’re dragging me to a party this weekend?”

TJ felt his face warm slightly. “Maybe,” he returned innocently, placing a hand on the locker beside Cyrus. “If you want to, of course.”

(In which TJ's teammates invite him to a party, and one of said teammates doesn't particularly like him and Cyrus together. Cue protective TJ.)

Word Count: 3.2k

AO3 link: (x)

Trigger Warnings: Slight homophobia

TJ’s face was still tinged red from the practice he’d just had as his eyes landed on Cyrus, who stood at the end of the corridor. A smile came to his lips and he quickened his pace, planning on calling out something sappy about missing him for the hour they’d been apart, only to be cut short by the sounds of hurried footsteps approaching behind him. He let out a heavy sigh and turned around, in time to see a group of his teammates all jogging after him with grins spread across their faces.

He rolled his eyes, trying hard to radiate the energy of someone who definitely wasn't the mood to exchange friendly small talk on a Friday afternoon, but the boys were either oblivious or they didn’t care. He had a sneaking suspicion that it was the latter.

“Kippen! Guess what?”

Glancing wistfully back at his boyfriend, he answered with a somewhat distracted “what?”

“We’re having a party this weekend to celebrate the game!” announced John, garnering a few nods from the others, “I know it’s last minute, but you have to come dude, there’s no way we would’ve won without you.”

TJ scanned over the group for a moment, narrowing his eyes, before giving a shrug. “Okay, sure.”

Shock registered briefly on John’s face, and TJ couldn’t blame him. He loved his teammates, but he never quite felt comfortable at the events they would always plan, surrounded very obviously by all of their girlfriends while he didn’t have one. Rationally, he knew they probably didn’t take much notice, but his brain managed to convince him each time that they’d somehow figure out he didn’t like girls.

John ran a hand through his hair then, face lit up by a smile. “Great! I’ll text you the details. You can invite a partner, obviously,” he said, dropping a wink, and TJ let a laugh that sounded uncomfortable even to his own ears.

He bit his lip before glancing back once more at Cyrus, who seemed to have found interest in his phone.

“Um,” he hesitated, and all of their expectant gazes were suddenly on him again.

He took in a breath, trying desperately to keep his tone even. “Could I invite my boyfriend?”

The split second of silence that followed those words felt like an eternity. He was looking back at eight expressions that had twisted into shock now, and he could feel his heart thudding away rapidly as he awaited the reaction. The corridors were empty at this stage in the afternoon, which made that second all the more agonising.

A grin appeared on John’s face. “Of course, dude! You didn’t tell me you’re finally dating someone!”

“Yeah, I was beginning to think you just didn’t have any game, Kippen,” Ben added, and TJ couldn’t help but laugh.

“You guys are assholes, you know that?” he told them, trying to mask the relief that had crashed over him.

The only person that didn’t seem to be smiling anymore was Flynn, but TJ forcibly pushed that thought to the back of his mind. They’d had a few clashes in the past after all, and he couldn’t help but think that Flynn didn’t exactly want him at their team party, despite trying to act like he did.

He exchanged a few more words with the group before heading over to his previous destination, where was Cyrus smiling as he leaned up against his locker.

“So you’re dragging me to a party this weekend?”

TJ felt his face warm slightly. “Maybe,” he returned innocently, placing a hand on the locker beside Cyrus. “If you want to, of course.”

The boy considered this for a moment, still smiling as he pushed himself off of the locker and right into TJ’s arms.

“Only if you don’t get completely drunk,” he murmured, arms wrapping around his boyfriend’s waist.

TJ scoffed at that, but his expression was fond as he looked down at Cyrus.

“Pft, when have I ever gotten completely drunk?”

Cyrus arched an eyebrow. “Does calling me at 3 am to let me know that you adopted a duck by the lake ring any bells?”

“None,” said TJ, although the lie was obvious to both of them and it had Cyrus giving him an amused eye roll.

They were on their way soon enough, stepping out into the pleasant summer air hand in hand.

“You owe me a dinosaur documentary,” Cyrus told him seriously.

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing,” he grinned back, “I love seeing you get excited over pre-historic lizards that could kill you.”

For a moment or two, the boy tried to bite back a smile, but he lost the fight as he leaned over to press a soft kiss to TJ’s cheek.

“I'll ignore that comment because you wove a compliment into it somehow.”

Wispy clouds were drifting peacefully close to the horizon, tinged a deep red by the fading sky behind it. The bustling sounds of cars driving home on the main road reached the large house TJ and Cyrus were stood at, flushed slightly from the rush to get there.

“What is it with us and being fashionably late?” TJ asked him, somewhat breathlessly.

He looked over at Cyrus, who’s hair looked lighter than it did normally due to the warm sunlight hitting it. For a moment or two, TJ was slightly caught up in how downright ethereal his boyfriend looked during golden hour, so much so that he completely missed what the boy had said.

“Earth to TJ?”

TJ blushed slightly, which added to the red on his cheeks.

“Sorry,” he apologised, clearly not meaning it in the slightest, “just admiring.”

As Cyrus gave his chest a playful swat the door swung open to reveal John, who’s eyes were glazed over in a way that seemed to suggest he’d already begun drinking.

“TJ! Cyrus!” he cheered, holding out a fist.

TJ‘s eyes shone with amusement as he accepted the fist-bump, and soon enough they were being ushered into a crowded living room that was sparsely furnished; a leather couch in the corner, a large TV on the wall and an empty bookshelf beside it. A square section of the tiles had been transformed into a dance floor, where there were already what looked like about a dozen people moving about wildly. With the blinds drawn shut the main sources of light were the coloured ones flashing above their heads.

“It’s only 8 pm,” Cyrus laughed as they watched various red solo cups leave the kitchen.

TJ shrugged as he took the boy’s hand. “It’s never too early to have fun.”

The pair wove in out of the talking groups that had accumulated around the dance floor, with TJ guiding Cyrus through. They came to an abrupt stop however as Flynn stepped out in front of them.

His gaze settled on their hands for a moment. It burned a little too much for TJ’s liking, but he really wasn’t in the mood to think about that so he forced a smile onto his lips. Cyrus seemed to pick up the sudden tension that had appeared in the air because TJ felt him squeeze his hand reassuringly.

“So this must be Cyrus! I’ve seen you around before. You’re friends with that boy who plays frisbee, right? And the girl that started that dress code protest?”

Cyrus’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, but other than that he remained neutral.

“That’s me,” he confirmed, and TJ bit his lip to will down the sudden anger that appeared inside of him. He knew well that Cyrus didn’t like being reduced down to his friends.

“I think we were actually gonna get some drinks now, weren’t we?”

Cyrus nodded frantically, and Flynn stepped aside with a scoff.

“I’m guessing TJ’s the man of the relationship, then.”

He ignored the remark completely as Cyrus began tugging him towards the kitchen. It was dark, which meant they had to fumble around for a light switch, but soon enough they were being met with a few cases of varying alcoholic drinks, all of which were stacked neatly upon the marble counter.

“Who’s gonna tell him that you’re the one who’s scared of horror movies?” Cyrus asked him, breaking the silence.

TJ let out an amused huff. “I think he’s just trying to get to me,” he said, as he moved forward to examine the cases, “he’s wanted to be the team captain since forever.”

Cyrus stepped forward to stand beside him, linking their arms. “I haven’t focused on him much during games, but I’m almost certain you’re better.”

TJ laughed softly. “Thanks, babe. You might be ever so slightly biased, but I’ll accept that anyway.”

He pulled out two bottles of apple cider after a moment and handed one over to the boy.

Cyrus accepted it, albeit hesitantly. “Is this alcoholic?” he asked.

“Kind of, but it’s not that much, I promise. Out of all these things, it probably tastes the best.”

He stared down at it, before shrugging. “Okay.”

Once they’d opened the bottles and headed back out into the living room, it seemed even more people had come in. TJ could officially say that it wasn’t just his teammates and their girlfriends anymore.

He wrapped a protective arm around Cyrus as they navigated the crowd, lights flashing obnoxiously above their head. The pop music pulsed from the speakers, reverberating from the walls with how loud it was.

“Let's go drink these on that couch!” TJ yelled, and Cyrus nodded.

The leather was cool beneath their skin, and it was small enough so that it barely fit the pair of them. Cyrus ended up on his lap after a few minutes, sipping away at his cider as they talked.

TJ kept catching Flynn’s eye from across the room, and each time he did his stomach would turn. The look on Flynn’s face wasn’t necessarily one of disgust. In fact, it seemed a lot more like discomfort - as if he couldn’t keep his eyes from dragging over to them.

“Is he staring at us?” he heard Cyrus murmur.

TJ nodded, running a hand absent-mindedly along the boy’s arm. “Yeah. I think so.”

They waited a moment longer, not speaking, before Flynn pushed his way to another area on the dance floor and began talking to a few teammates.

“What’s his deal?” asked Cyrus, voice tinged somehow with both annoyance and fear.

“It’s definitely me, not you. Don’t worry about it,” said TJ, and the boy just nodded.

They reverted back to discussing Doctor Who as they finished their drinks, and despite the relatively small amount of alcohol he’d consumed TJ could feel a warmth spreading through his body that relaxed his muscles and made his words flow more easily.

The night drew on slowly, and eventually, John began refusing people at the door to ensure his house didn’t become too crowded. The flashing lights stood out a lot more distinctly against the dark now that a few hours had passed since sunset. He could feel Flynn’s gaze on them almost constantly, burning holes into them both, and when Cyrus began to get visibly uncomfortable he guided him back to the kitchen.

Cyrus was about 2 ciders in at this point, while TJ was about 5 in, causing the room to blur by in somewhat of a haze. He wasn’t completely drunk, however, and he planned on keeping it that way.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, “I don’t know why he keeps staring.”

He was stood in front of the counter where Cyrus was sat, his arms rested on TJ’s shoulders.

The boy smiled, as warmly as the sun outside had been just hours ago, and TJ’s heart melted into a puddle.

“It’s okay,” Cyrus murmured, bringing a hand up to gently cup the side of his face.

TJ leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering shut, and when he sensed that Cyrus was leaning in he leaned in too.

Flynn’s voice filled the kitchen just as their lips were about to meet, making them both jump apart.

“Oh, sorry guys,” he said, in a tone that seemed to suggest he wasn’t sorry at all. He moved over casually to the cases and chose a small bottle of vodka, filling one of the few plastic shot glasses with it.

None of them spoke for a few uncomfortable moments, then TJ was clearing his throat and helping Cyrus down from the counter. Wordlessly, they entered the living room, confronted by the pulsing music once more.

“Another dance?” Cyrus asked him, quirking an eyebrow.

TJ wasn’t usually one to dance, but there was cider flowing through him and with Cyrus his inhibitions generally seemed to be nonexistent, so he ended up following his boyfriend to the dance floor. He knew their cheesy dancing would’ve stuck out very obviously to any on-lookers, but he pushed that to the back of his mind. Instead, he focused on the adorable sound of Cyrus’ laughter, which blended right into the music, and the even more adorable way he held onto TJ’s hand as he spun around.

They were so caught up in one another for the next 20 minutes or so that all thoughts about Flynn slipped their minds, returning only once they’d retreated back to the leather couch, faces flushed red. John approached them where they sat, appearing more sober now than he had a few hours ago. The expression on his face seemed serious, and it had TJ’s stomach twisting as he looked up at the boy.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

John’s sigh was covered up by the music, and he gestured wordlessly towards a door that was tucked away in the corner of the living room. TJ and Cyrus exchanged a confused glance, but followed him regardless as he began to head over to it.

When the door had shut behind them with a soft thud, the music became muffled. They were stood in a dimly light garage, beside a car he could barely make out.

“Sorry, I know it’s cold in here,” said John.

TJ hadn’t even registered that fact until he heard those words, and a glance down at his arms confirmed that goosebumps were beginning to rise along his skin. He shuddered, and drew Cyrus in close when he noticed the boy looked cold too.

“I just...” John paused for a moment, sighing, “I just thought you guys should know that Flynn is talking about you to other people. I tried to tell him it wasn’t cool, but...”

TJ’s face hardened, and Cyrus placed a gentle hand on his chest as though reminding him to remain calm.

“What’s he been saying?” he asked.

John’s gaze shifted away from them. “He...well...he just thinks it’s ‘uncomfortable’ apparently that you guys are here together, but no one agrees with him, I swear! He’s saying some stuff about Cyrus too, but...I don’t wanna repeat it.”

TJ nodded slowly, processing the words for a moment. He flashed John a tight-lipped smile.

“Thanks for telling me. I’ll be right back.”

He headed straight for the door, but Cyrus grabbed onto the boy’s arm.

“TJ, you can’t just go punching people!”

He turned back to Cyrus, expression soft. “I’m not punching anyone, I promise. But...I can’t let him say stuff about you, okay? I just can’t.”

Cyrus scanned his face for a moment, the ghost of a smile flickering over his lips, before letting go of TJ’s arm.

“Okay.”

Loud pop music rang in his ears once more as he opened the door to the garage again, practically storming out onto the dance floor. Cyrus and John exchanged a glance as they trailed behind, weaving through the dancing crowds.

Flynn was easy to spot - he was tall after all - and he was leant back against a wall by the kitchen, talking to a girl he couldn’t recognise.

TJ approached him, feeling anger begin to bubble up inside him.

“Flynn.”

The boy turned, and shock registered briefly on his face. The girl gave him a glance, before slipping back into the crowds. Flynn tipped his head back, sculling what remained of his drink, before directing a grin at TJ.

“Kippen. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“If you have shit to say about me or my boyfriend, maybe you should say it to my face instead of whispering about it at a party.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, looking infuriatingly smug. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Dude,” John piped up, stepping forward to stand beside TJ, “you know exactly what he’s talking about.”

Flynn stumbled slightly as he stepped forward, and it was then that it hit TJ just how much the boy had drunk.

“You know, I didn’t think you were prissy enough Kippen, but,” he paused for a moment, smiling, “apparently you are. Who knew?”

TJ gave him a glare. “Say whatever you want about me, but leave my boyfriend out of it.”

The people around them seemed clueless to what was happening now that the alcohol was well and truly flowing, passing by casually to get to the kitchen.

Flynn smirked. “What are you gonna do? Kick me off the team for having beliefs?”

“No,” TJ sighed, exasperated now more than anything, “I’m not gonna kick you off the team. I’d just appreciate if you kept my boyfriend out of your shit talk, seeing as he’s literally never done anything to you.”

“Whatever, Kippen. I’ll do what I want,” he scoffed, forcibly pushing past both of them.

John’s face fell as he turned to the pair. “I’m sorry, guys.”

TJ looked after the boy, practically fuming, until he felt a gentle hand being placed on his shoulder. Cyrus was smiling softly, and his anger faded in an instant.

“Let’s go,” he murmured.

TJ nodded in agreement, directing his gaze towards John. “Thanks for inviting us, dude.”

“No problem,” he replied. “I’m sorry about...you know...”

TJ just waved him off. “It wasn’t your fault, don’t worry.”

Cyrus was guiding him through the crowd this time as they made their way over to the front door, pushing past it and stepping out into the cool evening air. The pulsing sounds of pop music eventually faded away, and the silence around them was filled instead by chirping crickets.

TJ gave the boy a confused smile when he stopped suddenly, turning to face him.

“What is it?” he asked.

Cyrus just shook his head, stepping up to him and looping his arms around TJ’s neck.

His smile was as gentle as the summer breeze gusting by them, and for about the hundredth time that day he had to stop for a moment to admire the beauty that was Cyrus Goodman.

“I love you,” Cyrus whispered.

TJ’s immediately face brightened. He forgot all about Flynn as he lifted Cyrus up, smiling fondly when he began to giggle.

“I love you too,” he murmured, taking in every detail of the boy’s face that he possibly could.

Cyrus let out a content sigh, before leaning in to connect their lips.

And so, when TJ thought back to that summer’s night, he didn’t think of his fight with Flynn.

He thought of the glowing smile that had appeared on Cyrus’ face when TJ told him he loved him, the peaceful stillness that had surrounded them, and the streetlamp that had illuminated them amongst the darkness as they stood alone.

A much more pleasant thought if you asked TJ.

#tyrus fanfic #tyrus week #tyrus #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #andi mack #tj x cyrus #my fics

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manggojooz · 5 years

Text

Close the Door Now (Part 1): An Epilogue Series to “Take My Hands Now”

pairing: Jungkook x reader

word count: approx. 2,400

genre: romance, fluff

summary: Jungkook gets a taste of jealousy and is insecure about why you like him despite his past

warnings: some making out at the end (??)

Taglist: @competativekook @flamingorosette (i’m just tagging you because it’s technically a related series but if you would like to stop being tagged, do let me know ^^)

Comments: this is the most fluff i have written up to now i think. never expected it to turn out this long but i dunno i dun care, i just felt so happy writing it...

“You could do this a little less reluctantly...”, you grumbled at Jungkook who is looking like he would pay a hundred bucks to not be following you right now.

He used to do this day in day out, you could even call it his natural habitat, although now he knows it wasn't really because he enjoyed it. He just never knew what it was like to enjoy anything and such settings had the facade of 'enjoyment', at least.

“That's because I really couldn't be more reluctant. Can we not just watch a movie? Or go to your place? Your mom makes such good food. Why do we have to be here??”, he gripes like a ten year old being dragged to school.

“Are you for real? It’s Hoseok’s birthday today and you want to skip the party?”, you let go of his hand and crossed your arms at him.

“Yeah about that”, he wiggled his index finger at you, “our friendship goes beyond this, I don’t have to be at the party to celebrate with him. We have our own way of celebrating...”, he narrowed his eyes cheekily.

“Playing Overwatch for three days straight don't count as celebration... OK then...”, you snatched the fancily-wrapped present out of his other hand and turns to walk towards the familiar manor, “... I’ll just go on my own!”

His eyes jumped around, catching up with your swift actions, first from the parcel that left his hand and then to you walking off towards Hoseok’s house.

“Are you kidding me?”, he rolls his eyes and huffs, before giving chase after you.

---

“Hey Jungkook, haven’t seen you around!”, if you didn’t know better, you’d think this guy was chummy with your boyfriend. But you knew better, Jungkook hated his guts, not sure how far that feeling went mutually though.

“Hey Casper”, Jungkook very, very unwillingly acknowledges him.

“It’s Jasper... dude...”, he sounded irritated.

“Oh, Jasper... guess you are less friendly than I remembered you to be”, Jungkook said with a sharp lift of his left brow, and a half-assed smirk.

You forgot how rude Jungkook could actually be since he was always so sweet to you but this is starting to bring back memories. After all, the first time you met him was right here, in this gigantic living room, surrounded by the same kind of people, under the cover of the same kind of music. Nothing seems to have actually changed, but everything is different.

You felt his recognisable grip on your hands as he pulls you away from the pack of frat boys.

“Can we just get the present to Hoseok and leave?”, he insisted. Seeing his constant reluctance, you agreed.

---

Turns out Hoseok wasn’t doing that great on his own birthday. Jungkook could tell with one look and followed him around asking “what’s wrong”, until Hoseok caved and answered that “she called”.

You eyed Jungkook to take Hoseok somewhere quiet for a while, and so your boyfriend lugged the birthday boy back to his bedroom after telling you to wait somewhere safe for him. He had mouthed the words “guest room” to you while dragging Hoseok away.

You had killed about ten minutes wandering around in the human-packed living room, then strolling along the chlorine-stenched poolside and even getting yourself a drink from the bar counter. You bumped into a few friends and noticed a few girls staring you down amongst the forest of people. And now here you were, sitting around in the guestroom, intriguing yourself with the number of figurines Hoseok had collected in his glass cabinet.

“You hiding from the party or are you hiding from your boyfriend's ex-es?”, a tacky voice suddenly made you jump.

“Oh hi Jasper”, you tried to appear collected.

“You know, it’s a pity that a nice girl like you ended up with Jungkook. I’d hate to see you turn out like the truckload of girls he ruined before. If you think you are any different from them, you may be wrong... But one thing's for sure, you are too good for him”, he walked into the room and took a seat on the couch next to you.

You shifted just enough to your left to keep a decent space between the two of you. Maybe you were biased against him, but there was a subtle sense of manipulation in his words, which somewhat reminded you of your first encounter with Jungkook.

“I’m too good for him... he’s too good for me... people will always say such things. It only matters when we think it matters... and I don’t really think so”, you replied in a customarily pleasant way, not entirely thrilled that a stranger was badmouthing your boyfriend so blatantly to you.

His hand ghosted your thighs before resting on your right knee, causing you to recoil at the contact.

“What I'm trying to say is that you really deserve so much better”, his smile was the only thing that appear to be innocent in the circumstances.

You were just about to swat away his advances when his smiling face disappeared abruptly, his entire body having been hauled off the sofa by Jungkook tugging at his collar.

“How dare you touch her!”, Jungkook shouted at the other man, looking as if he could bite his head off right here right now.

“Woah Jungkook, this isn't like you to get so worked up over one girl...”, Jasper was genuinely surprised by the force of his outburst and shrugs his collar out of Jungkook's hands.

Jungkook was livid and he grabs a handful of the guy's shirt, ready to punish him for talking about you like that.

“Jungkook! No, don’t!”, you gripped tightly onto his forearm which was now raised above his shoulders.

“Don’t ever let me see you near her again, do you hear me?”, Jungkook hisses at Jasper but resisted swinging his fist into the loathsome face, throwing him back down onto the couch. Hoseok quickly squeezes past Jungkook's towering form and collects a horrified Jasper, shoving him out of the room forcefully.

“I’ll give you guys some time...”, Hoseok whispers, amused and slightly shocked too, and he lightly closes the door behind him.

---

“Ugh, I just really hate it when anyone else touches you! What more a guy like him! I mean other than the fact that any boyfriend would hate it... what if you know, when he touches you... and it hurts you... and...”, he was pacing around in the guestroom.

“And... ?”, you prompted him to continue.

“That’s how we started too... what if...”, he said in a much smaller voice and pauses.

“Oh my gosh, Jeon Jungkook, you gotta be kidding me... you are actually worried that I might like him?!”, your voice was a little too sharp at the end.

“Isn’t it the motherly instinct thing? Isn’t that why you started liking me anyway? Because you could feel that I was hurting... and you pitied me and...”, he proceeded to lean against the edge of the table.

You squeezed your lips tightly together into a straight line, “Who’s been feeding you this?”

He looks up at you shiftily, “Nobody. I have just been wondering why you would like someone like me... with my horrible reputation and all. And people say it’s like how girls naturally have a thing for pitiful-looking things, it’s something about motherly instincts.”

“So it’s Hoseok then”, you nodded knowingly. Honestly if Jungkook was troubled by anything, the only person he would have confided in is probably Hoseok, and the lop-sided theory he had developed somewhat confirms it.

He looks up at you, stunned into silence. How did you know?

“I don’t think Hoseok is the right choice when it comes to relationship advice”, you sighed.

He lowers his head, reflecting on his choice to take Hoseok’s words seriously and still bothered by the image of that Jasper chap flirting with you so blatantly.

In the past he had also gotten upset before, when random guys came after the girls who were with him. But that was his ego. This, what he's feeling now, is entirely different. The moment he laid eyes on Jasper smiling at you, the moment he saw his hands resting on your knee, it felt like the whole world was on fire. Just thinking about it now makes him feel like could just combust too.

Luckily your voice that came towards him put out the fire a tiny bit. “Yes, it’s true, there are some instincts involved. But isn’t it just human instincts to want to help someone? And instincts can only get you so far. I can’t believe you think I like you because I pity you”, you rolled your eyes.

“Then why do you like me?”, he mutters, still staring at the floor.

You walk over to him, slipping your hands through the slit between his arms and his body since he had stuffed his hands into his pockets. Clasping your fingers together behind his back, you lock him into place. Then, you place your chin on his chest, tilting your face up at him so that you could meet his eyes.

He must have been really jealous, upset or just hurt by all his thoughts, given the tiny flutters of pain you could feel throughout your body.

“I like you because you were this broken only as a result of the love you still had for the people who hurt you. I like you because you knew regret and because you would rather hurt yourself than hurt those you loved. And I like you not only because I felt your pain, but because I felt you change for me, for the better. I like you a lot Jeon Jungkook... just you, only you, ok?”, you smile at him brightly and assuringly.

If emotions could kill a person, maybe dying from happiness is not too bad, Jungkook thought. Everything had a novelty to him. He never had anyone he could call his, he never had anyone whom he would get jealous over and he never had anyone who made him feel like... he was loved.

“But come to think of it, it’s kind of unfair isn’t it?”, you suddenly said with a change in tone, while he was still bathing in an emotional shower. “You had so much ‘fun’ before and I never got my chance! If anyone should be jealous, it really should be me right? Do you even know how many dirty looks I was getting from the girls outside? It's so unfair... hmm... where’s that Jasper or Casper guy again...”, you let go of your hold on Jungkook and pretended like you were about to seek out the guy he almost thrashed moments ago.

“Very funny... let’s see you try...”, he pulls you back without even moving an inch and now his hands were interlocked on the small of your back, holding you tightly against him. You put your palms on his shoulders, gently pushing at him to struggle your way out.

He just smirk-scoffs at your feeble attempt, then darts in to leave a peck on your lips. You closed your eyes for two seconds out of embarrassment, and tried hard to hold back your smile.

“Let me go...”, you whined. He childishly shook his head, his expression taunting you to try again.

This time you used your elbows to pry yourself free from his arm-lock around your waist. He smiles but still scoffs a bit, and instead of freeing you, he squeezes you against his body even tighter and kisses you a little harder and longer this time.

From then on he felt something else being lit within him. “Didn’t you say we will go off after you passed the present to Hoseok? Let’s go now...”, you put your entire forearm on his chest, pushing against it to try to signal to him that you wanted to leave.

He did not budge at all and when your eyes looked up at him, all his emotions culminated into the intensity with which he stared down at you.

“I like you a lot too, Y/N... just you, only you”, his voice was barely audible but yet so forceful, causing you to blink at him.

He kisses you again, softly, taking in every second his lips interacted with yours, reminding himself that he is the one you like. He felt your arms go up around his neck, pulling him closer, so he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. His heart literally fluttered when you hummed a blissful sound against his lips.

It must also be instinct, but perhaps animal instinct, because even when his mind busied itself cautioning him not to hurt you, he really couldn’t resist biting ever so lightly onto your bottom lip, his tongue then quickly brushing over it soothingly.

He felt you smile against his mouth, your soft lips enveloping his, and then he took the chance, opening his mouth slightly, leading you to part your lips, he slips his tongue into your mouth, entangling with yours. He finally let go of his strong hold on your waist and raises one hand to caress your face, his thumb stroking along your cheekbone. Every time your hand brushed his hair, his neck will shiver a little.

It felt like everything was in slow motion, but at the same time he felt like time was passing too fast, he never wants this to end. If feelings could kill a person, dying now wouldn't be too bad either.

But time has it ways and just about then, his phone started pinging on rapid fire with notifications and he could only reluctantly break away from you.

Taking his phone out from his pocket, he facepalms and groans while you angled yourself to see the series of messages from Hoseok:

“I got rid of that guy”

“and I’m sending this just in case...”

“I will really kill you if you do anything gross in my guestroom”

“and also the lock is spoiled”

“so seriously, don’t do anything there.”

You burst out into laughter, and rested your forehead on Jungkook’s chest, shoulders trembling from your giggles, cheeks burning from your blushing. Jungkook shakes his head as he stuffs his phone back into his pocket, his other hand patting your hair lightly as he also lets out a chuckle.

To close the door on doubt and jealousy, is to leave a wider door open for love.

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yaboylevi · 5 years

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Hello there! I couldn't help but notice that salty anon asking about your stance on Levi so I'll ask again because it sure sounds interesting! Do you mind telling us how you feel about him?

Okay, so the original question from a dumb hater was how I could even support a romantic ship between Eren and Levi if I am not a Levi fan*.

*If a ”Levi fan”, like that idiotic anon meant, is someone who excuses all of Levi’s bad behaviors, then no, I am not a fan.

Premise no.1: I’ve loved Levi for so many years, he’s been part of my twitter handle in the past, is in my Tumblr url, icons on various social media, I have a lot of merchandise and not only for “the sake of the ship”. I genuinely used to love him to the point that he was my favorite character alongside Eren, I couldn’t pick one. So I guess I am a bit of a fan, after all.

Premise no.2: I am a gigantic bag of salt about this topic so tread carefully if you’re easily offended. I won’t sugarcoat my VERY BIASED opinions, and if you strongly disagree, that’s perfectly fine. I won’t change my opinion with the information we currently have, because this isn’t a gut reaction I spent two seconds on, I actually soul searched (lol) for the reasons as to why I felt so negatively about Levi. He was my fave, and I felt deeply hurt and confused and frustrated, so I thought long and hard about it. I am open to change my mind if anything else comes out of him in the future.

Also, I have already spent a lot of words on how I feel about Levi’s character as of late, here, here, and here, here, here and here for example, also here and here (I haven’t exactly been silent about it lol) but let me reiterate it into one incomplete post. It’s really freaking long, and a wall of text at it. I don’t expect people to put up with this messy rant, but suit yourself if you want to.

@ the people who sent these new questions almost a month ago, I’m sorry this isn’t the reply you hoped for. If you guys want a more positive take on this, just look through my ereri meta tag.

Levi as a character can be simplified in 3 points, in my opinion: 1) the deep, caring feelings he has for his comrades and as such the responsibility he feels for them and their deaths; 2) his violent side and how he resorts to violence to solve situations. These 2 merge together into 3) what used to be his main goal, free humanity. He lent his strength (that at times he uses for violence/to get his way) to the cause: helping in freeing humanity inside the walls because the sense of freedom is worth everything.

So, harsh opinion: I believe he has lost sight of his goal – as Isayama has stated in the past even though I didn’t wanna believe it because it made zero sense and cheapened everything I loved about Levi – and he has fallen back into his worst behaviors. Add to that a lack of active presence and engagement in the actual story, and you get this predictable, background character that I can’t for the life of me enjoy currently. Because apparently, he forgot how to live on his own without Erwin’s guidance (and here I’d have another bag of salt to pour but this would get too long, and I don’t have the patience to word it in a way that wouldn’t bring me the ire of his fans).

I don’t know if Levi is really supposed to be seen this way, but at least to me, the focus has been mostly on this: his anger/violence/flaws, and his lack of involvement.

I never liked the way he resorted to violence to “resolve” not life-or-death situations or simply to vent his frustrations, in the first place. It’s something Eren had to let go of, he was rewarded when he used his wits, abandoning pure rage for the sake of revenge, and it’s always been Isayama’s intention, imo, to show as much with the story in general and with Levi as well, as Levi has never been rewarded for it either.

So, witnessing his character revert AGAIN to kicks and straight-up sadism, as a fan, has been a big disappointment. Then, the shift of his goal because “saving humanity” wasn’t Erwin’s goal, after all, has been another point of disappointment – but this happened way before the current arc. His obsession with “making the dead soldiers’ sacrifices worth it” can be commendable, but the way he’s going about it is totally blind and dictated by anger and loss of hope, in a way, so I don’t see it as something positive either. He lacks vision, he lacks a voice in the things that are happening around him as if he doesn’t care whatever happens to all of them, as long as he can make Zeke suffer and kill him. I know it’s not totally the case, because we have seen (and I want to believe) that he still cares about his comrades who are still alive, as seen during the battle in Liberio and his reticence at following direct orders to kill Eren, but at the same time, the obsession with “repaying the lives of the dead” is making him being absolutely heartless for the sake of his “hope” (like, I’m paraphrasing here but he literally went “let’s go to war again and let Historia become a shifter if she so wants to, who cares, more deaths, yay”), though he himself doesn’t seem to care about hope and freedom and all this stuff that much anymore, or he would’ve spoken up about the mess Paradis and Hange were throwing themselves into, like Eren did.

Another point of dissatisfaction is that it seemed to me like he was forming stronger bonds with the 104th and he was becoming better at voicing his opinions without becoming violent, but I guess he either regressed, or I always read him wrong. His violence in 114 was downright revolting to me, I felt nauseous and, in a way, I’m glad he got k.o’ed. It put a stop to his metaphorical downfall, at least — I see post-timeskip Levi as a cheapened, worsened, “hyperfocused-on-just-one-side-of-him” version of the Levi I used to love in earlier arcs and he was only getting worse, imo.

And, as a special mention re: his violence and his relationship with Eren… It was interesting to observe how he slowly changed in regards to Eren, learning how to lift him up and get the best out of and for him, caring about and paying attention to Eren’s emotional state when no one could or would. It was also very interesting how he opened up to Eren just because he wanted to help him, always, from the beginning. THAT’S what really made me fall for the ship and for Levi.

Also, he thought that violence wasn’t the answer with Eren, and I guess I can excuse him for his behavior in Shiganshina because it was a charged challenge of sort for every character. But he really did think that nobody could make Eren submit with violence, yet he’s the one who tried to do exactly that as soon as they met again in ch.105. I was so disappointed that their relationship seemed to have regressed so much, I kept being hopeful only because of his face/words after the kick: he felt betrayed and saddened by Eren, so it meant he still cared deeply about him. And yeah, he does, but the reasons are also partially…bad.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe he cares about Eren as a person, the boy he met and decided to protect all those years ago, but now saving Eren has become deeply intertwined with saving his last remaining goal: making it up to the dead soldiers (and I’ve already explained why I think it’s not a “positive” goal). And it’s unfair and a skewed view, imo, because Eren really didn’t have much to do with every single death. But I think it’s Levi being desperate about it all, he clings to it or he’d lose it if he had to, um, reconsider his current mindset. He’s like…grasping at straws, I feel. Like he was doing with Erwin when Erwin revealed his true colors. Levi ended up reconsidering his own ideals and goals, back then, but in a bad way (he had no goals of his own, he just blindly followed Erwin, who cares about humanity, right? Even though he seemed to care oh so much before).

I guess it’s the downfall of the “Hero”. @/Isayama, was this necessary? Is this entertaining? I am personally not a fan of this, there were so many ways to challenge Levi’s belief & trust in Eren, and to still have Levi be an active player. This just feels like a cheap way to get him out of the picture and turn him into a really secondary character. He doesn’t feel like a main player in this arc.

So long story short, I’m very disappointed in his development. I was willing to go along with it in the hopes that it would be leading us to something very interesting and it seemed it could go into a good direction as I stated here. But when he seemed to be confirmed basically dead (literally, or anyway when it comes to his importance in current events), I’ve kind of lost all hope in regards to his character, and I felt so done about it. He is either gonna stay this way, or there’s gonna be some small, cheap, background-ish closure (though atm I fail to see how, seeing as the story is about to end) and if that’s the case, I fail to comprehend the purpose of his arc, then. I don’t think his is an unreasonable development, I just fail to see how the direction Isayama has decided to “develop” him in has any relevance to the story and its themes, as he used to be a major player with some good-ass, relevant presence in the story. As I said in some posts I linked above, Isayama may have lost motivation to develop Levi any further and dropped it from the “main players” roaster, probably when he decided to change Levi’s motivations halfway through the story (because yes, the problems I have with Levi started towards the end of Uprising).

I used to be a great Levi fan, if my username and icon are anything to go by, and I still like him when I reread some parts as I stated elsewhere, because I really, really love when he interacts with the 104th or like, with his subordinates or even Hange. It’s fun to watch and even cute, when he’s not being a violent arsehole. So it’s really a shame that it’s come to this.

And yeah, I’m sure some people may have noticed already, but the ereri content on my blog has become quite scarce, S3 and the shitfest that went down there in regards to Eren&Levi parts also dampened my hype for the ship, my dissatisfaction with Levi’s character and the way his interactions (or lack thereof) with Eren went recently just pissed me off. But I loved this ship for like 5 years, I’m attached to it, and I am capable of separating the good parts of it from the bad ones (though it’s become increasingly difficult). And most importantly, I still love the way their canon relationship was developed up until before the serum bowl. Almost nothing has happened with them since then, so that’s why I was still really hyped for the next 2 years, but recently, and with Levi’s return, I’ve just grown more frustrated and bored with it.

After all, I fell in love with the romantic fanon ship BECAUSE the canon relationship was so interesting, had potential, and seemed to be going some incredibly cool directions, as both the characters seemed to be similar, had the same goals and understood each other on a basic level. It turned out to be almost nothing in the end, but alas.

So, how can I ship them if I don’t like one of them?

I still like Levi, especially when I reread the early arcs. This doesn’t mean I have to accept the worst sides of him that have apparently taken over his whole personality. His violence ISN’T a flaw I - or anyone, imo - should accept. Snoring IS a flaw we can/have to accept if we love someone. Violence is something that must be overcome. My annoyance with people implying they are better fans because they accept and embrace and excuse him and his violence, compared to those who don’t like that, is also a factor in my frustration. Understanding why exactly he’s the way he is is part of being a fan of a character, wishing for him to become a better person and ultimately letting go of toxic (yeah) acquired behaviors, imo, is better than defending and hyping them up. Some people even LOVE and WISH that violence will be his downfall because it’s violence for the sake of avenging [redacted] so it’s sooo romantic. lmao, ok. And I won't even get started about the ones who SERIOUSLY say that adult characters don't need to change, because I'm gonna start laughing for 3 hours straight. Dudes, there's not an age where you stop changing. If you stop trying bettering yourself at age XX, then I already know you're a shitty adult irl, goodbye.

Anyways, back on track. As I said in another post I may have linked above, I thought his encounter and resolution with Kenny would have amounted to something in this regards, since Levi used violence to get acknowledgment and to feel like he was “worth” something, imo, but it was only a set up for serumbowl. Wasted chance.

And I get it that violence is the way he was taught to deal with things, but 20 years have passed since then and he had a whole character arc in Uprising about opening up, trusting, feeling trusted in return, and feeling good and grateful and happy about that BECAUSE he was open with his squad and learned that it was better to use words rather than fists. So I thought he had grown out of it at least a bit. But I mean, there are other characters who have regressed or haven’t changed at all after their supposed character arc, and that dampened to a great degree the enjoyment of such characters for me (Historia, Ymir, Reiner), so whatever I guess? I can definitely see it’s something of a “cruel” way of storytelling Isayama really seems to like, maybe because he wants the characters to suffer. I guess you can’t have a story if all of your characters become better people and overcome their flaws…well, actually you can, but I guess Isayama doesn’t want this to be that kind of story.

But anyway, just to be clear, it also ties in with wanting the characters you love to better themselves and let go of things that ruin their lives or that have roots in trauma. Wouldn’t you want that for someone you love, even and especially in real life? So, if his violent tendencies have been portrayed as “wrong”, Bad Coping Mechanisms, and rooted in childhood trauma, why is it so frowned upon in this goddamn fandom to wish for him to let go of them, since it’s something that has caused him and characters around him pain or distress or downright failure. Overcoming these flaws would mean he’d feel better about himself, and others, and his past, etc. Why is it SO wrong to wish him the best? Lmao, I don’t get it.

So when his “real fans” be like “Levi’s violence is a part of him, you don’t love him for real if you can’t accept that part. anyway he’s perfect the way he is”, I’m like…that’s actually bullshit. I just want him to be a better person, just like I wanted to be a better person when I had detrimental (for me and for the people close to me) behaviors due to mental health stuff.

It’s not even on the same level of wanting him to stop being rude, that’s part of his charm. Violence…is not a cool personality trait, and it’s something you should want him to get over.

–

I still love lots of things that were shown in the manga in regards to Eren and Levi, so I don’t get why I should justify myself for liking them together just because I don’t like some parts of one of them. I still think some of Levi’s best personality traits came out when he interacted with Eren, and I like the Levi who cares about Eren the most. Hence why I ship the goddamn ship. That’s all there is to it, really. Here I talked about what I loved about their relationship, though now I feel like a bit of a hopeful fool.

#nobody will read this 10k words long rant but whatever #shingeki asks #salt #Levi #unnecessary post but it was a good chance at venting #I feel like I haven't even touched one of the main big reason #but I don't want to talk about e*win tbh #arekupacific

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jaydadraws555 · 4 years

Text

The MHA fandom as a whole...

“The more mainstream and anime is, the more toxic the fandom will be”

-Lord Daiki (YouTube)

———————————————————

So, I’m fairly knew to this fandom, and so far it looks like a decently good fandom. The people who’ve I’ve been able to talk to over this fandom have been supportive and respectful. But after a quick YouTube search referring to the fandom, people believe that his fandom is very toxic.

Now, obviously i respect these people’s opinions about the fandom being toxic, but I didn’t watch through all the videos cuz, I just don’t have the attention span for that.

But, I’m gonna try and see why people think it’s so toxic from what I’ve gathered.

————————————————————-

1. Leweding female characters: this one was brought up by Lord Daiki on YouTube. And tbh I kinda have to agree with him on this.

Now. Almost all the girls in that series are curvy and very attractive, that’s fine. That’s just how Horokoshi decided to design the his characters that fine (as long as it wasn’t for a perverted purpose) but it’s the fandom man! The fact that some people believe that the females in this show are only there to look sexy! Um, can I go over all the girls and their amazing quirks and abilities? Like how their body looks should be completely taken out of the picture. Now I get it “but Jayda, they are just characters!” Im aware of that. But that’s the point! They ARE just characters, so stop trying to make them into someone for your to try and bang, cuz guess what buddy. The closest thing your gonna get to bang to them is a body pillow. Just please leave the characters alone (male or female) cuz their not there to be Leweded, they are there for the show...

2. The toxic shippers (oh boy, where do I begin?!?!?)

“Oh Kiribaku is so cannon

-no it’s not

“Tododeku is so cannon

-no it’s not

“Todomono is so cannon”

-no it’s not

“Kachacco is so cannon”

-even tho I ship it. No it’s not!

Fans will literally get upset if their ship dosent end up being cannon, like bruh! You don’t run the show, stop being so entitled that you think your ship should end up in the show, it’s not your show. So sit down and shut up. Making fanart is fine, books are fine, comics are fine, AU’s totally acceptable. But don’t try and rub it in people’s faces that you think your ship should be cannon. It’s fine to say why you like a ship, it’s fine to give reasons. But don’t go around shoving in people’s faces that your ship diserves to be cannon bc it’s your “otp” like stop....

On the subject of toxic shippers. RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE’S SHIPS! if it’s not abusive, toxic, pedo, incest, or something like that then just leave it the frik be! Don’t go around saying “oh I don’t ship it” bc your not gonna change anything. Your just looking for trouble. It’s fine to give legitimate reasons as to why you think a ship wouldn’t be good. Like in my example, I don’t believe bakudeku will never become a thing, let me list my reasons, 1. They hate each other. 2. It would probably be abusive bc deku fears bakugou (and you shouldn’t ever be afraid of your partner) and Bakugou dosent respect deku (you need respect in a relationship) fear + a lack of respect = a toxic relationship. Even in season one bakugou told Deku to go kill himself. Not to mention Deku has only showed interest in girls. So I’d say respect WHAT SEEMS to be Deku’s heterosexuality. Just like a gay or bi person would want you to respect their bi sexuality or gay sexuality the same right goes to straight people or characters. But of course the fact that bakugou and deku would be an abusive ship is not cannon, so therefore I am not given the right to go around talking like my opinion is cannon, and neither does anyone else.Case in point, just respect other people’s ships, if you believe that ship is morally wrong then sure say something, but be respectful about our opinion. As humans we all diserve respect.

3. It’s kinda like #2: respect sexualities, I know that no sexuality has ever been confimed by any means. But if a character seems straight, or bi, or pan, or whatever. Then respect that. Don’t ship what could be the straight characters with the same gender, and don’t ship what could be a gay character with the opposite sex. It’s pretty easy to pick up signs in most anime’s (I think, I guess I can’t reall say tho cuz I haven’t watched any other than MHA so correct me if I’m wrong) and the character’s sexuality.

4. Being a nasty content creator, (this is seen thought ALL fandoms!) but sometimes someone can have Really great art, but be the nastiest person. Bruh, if you can’t be nice or at least respectful to the people who literally follow you cuz they like your art or whatever your create, then you might as well delete your account rn, bc if you can’t be respectful at the very least, then you don’t diserve the attention you get... it’s kinda like if you only become famous on Instagram bc you decided to be a thot. Like, some people have spent their ENTIRE lives working on their trade and maybe have like 500 followers but then you have that one girl who posts a picture of her boobs and then boom! Blue check, 7 million + followers, all within a couple of months. So, don’t be a nasty content creator, be respectful to your audience. Like honestly, it’s not hard.

5. Personal biases.

It’s fine to have your personal bias, but don’t shove that bias into someone else’s work if they didn’t ask for it (kinda like constructive criticism) you might mean well, and that’s great. But remember, everyone has different values and different opinions of what is right and that’s ok. As long as their not like “oh incest is tOtAllY fInE Hahahahahah” then don’t shove your bias in their face. It’s their trade. The thing they enjoy and their form of art. It’s their playground and they can do as they wish. So unless it’s asked for then please don’t shove your bias in their face. It’s disrespectful to their art and to the talanet they have built years upon years to get.

So those are the reasons that could make this fandom seems toxic. I respect the people who believe this fandom is toxic, that’s their opinion. But remember it only takes on bad apple the create a steyotype and then the whole fandom has to carry that around. So please don’t jump to conclusions about this fandom and say that all of us are toxic, I’ve met some amazing and talented creators who definitely aren’t toxic. And it’s wrong to stereotype and entire fandom bc of that one or two people. It’s also not fair to us if people outside the fandom purposely only look at the bad and totally ignore the good. That’s if anything being toxic to us. So again. I respect your opinion. But don’t generalize us, cuz then your the toxic one.

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #fandom #ships #toxic fanbase #toxic fandom #stereotypes #generalizations

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shaz-imagine-nation · 4 years

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A Curse so Dark and Lonely : HONEST review

“Not all scars can be seen.”

There’s no denying that there’s a small child inside all of us that can’t get enough of fairytales, this had to be true otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading this review (Ha! Score one for me). And when these old classics re-emerge and combine all we held near and dear in our childhoods, with adult angst and witty romance. My gosh do you have something incredible on your hands.

Now, before we begin, I have something to disclose. I will never NOT love fairytale re-tellings. If there’s one out there, I will read it. (Please leave recs in the comments down below) And yes, before you say anything, I know full well that some of them aren’t good. Sometimes using the word “good” and the title of the book shouldn’t belong in the same sentence.

But you have to understand that I will always be biased. And I have come to terms with that. It’s fairytale stories. It’s my krypronite. It’s my full moon after a werewolf curse. So even when they’re so so so bad, I won’t be able to deny that a small part of me will love it to death. And that is the shame I will live with.

I digress…

A Curse so Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer. We all know why I picked this book up. It’s a Beauty and the Beast re-telling with a bit of a twist. And we all know how I feel about fairy tales (*glances at the 3 paragraphs of ramble that began this review*)

Now, while this book might not fall under the more esteemed Beauty and the Beast re-tellings, (I’m looking at you ACOTAR), it still definitely left a lasting impression on this readers soul.

*SPOILER FREE ZONE* (if you haven’t read it yet you’re safe)

A Curse so Dark and Lonely follows the story of Rhen, the handsome crowned prince of Emberfall, cursed to re-live some of his worsed nightmares season to season, while in search for true love to break the evil spell. Yes. It’s basically Beauty and the Beast, but in reverse.

Following the end of another failed season, Rhen’s brooding guard, Grey, sets out to find another suitor to break the curse. Then along comes Harper, our brave, feisty, heroin with a complicated past. Not only is Harper given the perfect “silent suffering” backstory. She also has Cerebral Palsy.

Now, this is the one thing in the book that I wish they elaborated on. I must admit that this is the first time I have met a character with CP in a book, and while it was a breath of fresh air. I do feel that it should have been explained more. Not all people with CP are the same. I felt that there was an opportunity to really raise some awareness surrounding this condition that the book just didn’t dive into.

That being said, I still really enjoyed this book. So before I get into my spoiler section, I’ll leave you with this.

A Curse so Dark and Lonely was a fantastic, easy read. I read a lot, and sometimes I yearn for a fun, easy book to read. This was that book. It gave me everything I could have asked for, from well written sass to a romantic love story. And it was just so gosh darn pleasant to read. It didn’t require a lot of “work” to keep going.

Skip past the spoiler section to see my final rating down below.

*SPOILER ZONE* (proceed at your own risk)

Ooooh boy here we go. Now I’m not going to go over every detail in the book. I’m just going to talk about a few of the things that stuck out to me.

I spent a good portion of this book shipping Harper and Grey. There, I said it. Don’t try deny that you thought about it too. Their dynamic was so refreshing and cute, and really made me think about how the “Beast” from the original tale tried to involve himself in Belle’s world and how she, in turn, learnt about his. I felt that this kind of character building and dynamic was sorely lacking in the Harper x Rhen relationship, and even though we knew they were end game from the start, I can’t help but admit that a small part of me hoped that if Grey also found love it would also help break the curse.

I really loved Harper’s growth throughout the book. I love reading strong female leads. I also believe that this story showed us that it’s so important to focus on your own personal growth, no matter what’s happening in your life. For a good chunk of the book I forgot about Harper’s brother and dying mother. And I think this also helped highlight how this often happens in our own lives. What I’m trying to say is that I’m glad Harper’s story felt real. It was very relatable, to me at least.

I felt like the final battle, when Harper returned to Emberfall, was a bit rushed. I wish we had more development on the monster and how she “tamed” him. I must admit that I loved the few monster perspective chapters, I just wish we had more. Some parts felt a bit hasty and convinient. I really think that there were some opportunities to really make those scenes shine. But don’t @ me! I still really enjoyed it all! I was just hoping for more.

And last. But not least. (I’m ending this review here otherwise I’ll end up writing my own novel on it.) Grey’s final scene was incredible. I cannot wait for the next book! I’ll definitely put my predictions in another post. But for now, I can safely say that I loved that he was the one to slay the evil enchantress (even though we don’t know whether she is dead or not.) So when it’s revealed that Grey might be the true heir and also possess some kind of magical ability, I couldn’t help but do a happy dance. Because now we know that the next book will have a lot of Grey in it, and this reader cannot wait.

My final thoughts. This book was great. It was fun, easy to read, and was just all in all a refreshing new twist on a classic fairytale. So that’s why I’m giving it 🖤🖤🖤🖤 (4/5 hearts).

Thank you for taking the time to read my discombobulated review. Don’t hesitate to check out my blog at https://thatiword.wordpress.com/ for more reviews.

Until then, keep imagining my lovelies 🖤

#Acursesodarkandlonely #Beautyandthebeast #Bookreview #Books #Reading #Bliblophile

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michellejackson · 5 years

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the Aftermath

This is part two of Writings on the wall. You can read both parts on ao3 here. :)<3

So this is Lucas’ reaction to seeing Eliotts painting, featuring the guys hyping him up.

—

Lucas was late. Like really late. He was supposed to meet the gang in the common room for about an hour ago, but he had fallen asleep on the bus and by the time he had awaken, his stop was long since passed. Getting to the school had been a pain in the ass, and to make matters worse: his phone had died.

By the time he arrived at school, he was in a mood. Lucas had thought about just going home, the possibility that the guys would’ve waited for him this long didn’t seem plausible, but yet here he was. Relief took over Lucas when he saw that the lights in the common room was still on. At least one thing in his life went right.

Opening the door, Lucas had already formed the perfect apology in his mind, but his words were lost the minute he went through it. He stood there dumbfounded. The wall was already painted, it was a huge black and white picture, two silhouettes, dark and light. He couldn’t take his eyes of it. Under the silhouettes stood big read letters. Lucas was done. He couldn’t.

The painting of Polaris hit him straight in the heart and he could feel it fall to his stomach. His mouth hung open, but nothing came out. The big red letters were screaming at him, he reread them time and time again.

“I choose you.”

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Lucas startled. He ripped his gaze off the wall and met Yanns eyes. Words wouldn’t form. Basile opened his mouth, “What took you so long, man? You need to learn to use your phone”. Lucas looked back at the painting. “I… What – Did you see who did this?” Lucas stumbled over his own words; unable it seemed, to function like a normal human being.

If Lucas would’ve looked at his friends, he would’ve seen the suspicious looks they shared. Arthur was the first one to answer. “Yeah, there was this dude, I think he was new or something? Pretty cool guy, he was kind of sad though…” he rambled on, “when I asked him what the deal with his painting was, he said it was an apology and he talked about how he had fucked up with his man and shit, I don’t know, it was kind of romantic man.” Yann nodded, “and then Basile went on about how much he wanted to fuck the guy, so he left”. Yann and Arthur laughed while Basile looked almost offended. “I just said that I would if I was a girl! I mean all the girls would probably fuck him!” Basile went on trying to defend his heterosexuality.

Arthur changed the subject, “It was weird though, because he said that Daphné had given him the mission, but didn’t you tell us that she had given it to you?” Lucas had not moved or reacted throughout their exchange, but now he finally blinked and turned his attention to the boys.

“Yeah… me and Eliott.”

Realization struck them, “Oh…” “Yeah…” “So this painting is-” “Yeah…” “shit…”

It was silent and all four of them had turned their attention to the wall, studying it closer this time. Lucas walked closer to the painting and tried his best to keep a straight face. His attention had mostly been on the big silhouettes and the letters, but first when he tried to look away from the painting did he notice the animals in the corner of the wall. Walking toward it he could feel his heart beat faster.

In the corner there were two animals. A raccoon and a hedgehog. The animals Eliott claimed were their spirit animals. They were both smiling while holding hands, and a blood read heart was centered above them. Lucas felt like screaming. “Fuck” he exclaimed, and tears finally started falling down his cheeks.

“You know, he only just left, you could… you could try to catch up with him” Yanns soft voice came from behind him. Lucas laughed, “why would I want that?” he turned towards his friends and waited for one to answer. His eyes were red, and his cheeks were wet. He must’ve looked like a mess, but he didn’t break his stare.

“This doesn’t mean anything! How do I know that if I go after him, AGAIN, that he won’t run back to his girlfriend right after? He kissed me publicly and told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend, then he distances himself, and the next thing I see of him is his face clashed with his girlfriends!” Lucas was close to screaming, Yann had never seen him more upset.

“Is that what happened?” Yann asked, drifting closer to Lucas. He nodded and closed his eyes, letting himself be caught in Yanns embrace. “I’m sorry Lucas. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone, and I’m sorry that you didn’t feel like you could tell us.” Lucas hugged him tighter. “But man, you should talk to him. Let him explain his side of the story.” That’s when Lucas pulled back. “Dude, listen, you told us that he left you all those drawings, right? And look at that wall! He has tried to find multiple ways to get to talk to you, and I think he really cares about you. Hell, I might be a little biased now, cause I saw him cry and I felt bad for him, but that’s besides the point. He spent hours painting that shitwall. For you, man. If you talk to him, what’s the worst think that could happen?”

Yann hadn’t expected an answer, but then… “I don’t to be vulnerable like that again, Yann.” Lucas tried his best to look anywhere but at his friends. “I… I haven’t opened up to a person like that in years… I don’t know, I gave him my heart and he just threw it right back at my face the second he grew tired of me.” He had a hard time talking without breaking down bawling. Lucas was tired, he was tired of feeling like he wasn’t wanted, and he was tired of feeling like he wasn’t good enough.

“I just don’t want to feel like that again” he sighed. Arthur walked closer to him now, saying his name while placing a hand on each of his shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. “Listen to me, dude. We love you, and we only want the best for you, so when we say that you should talk to Eliott, we don’t say that thinking that he’ll spit out back in your face. Do you know what he told us when we asked about what he had done for someone to deserve that painting? He said that he had ended a relationship because he was scared that they would think of his as a burden, that they wouldn’t want him in the end. He was scared, Lucas.”

Lucas did his best to try to calm himself, Arthur cupped his face. “You deserve to hear his apology, if not for the sake of your relationship, then for the sake of your own mentality.” Lucas pushed away and wiped his tears. “ok.” Arthur smiled “ok?” Lucas almost mimicked the expression “yeah, okay”. The guys all smiled and cheered before pulling him into a hug. “Go get him tiger!” Basile yelled, a little too in the moment. They pushed Lucas out of the hug and towards the door, and before he knew it he was running towards the bus station.

—

Out of breath, Lucas finally reached the station, but Eliott weren’t anywhere to be seen. He sat down, exhausted and frustrated “fuck…” he stayed there for a few minutes, head in hands, cursing himself. He had finally hyped himself up to talk to the guy, and he had missed him. Lucas didn’t know if he would be brave enough to talk to Eliott the next time he saw him. Maybe this was faith telling him to fuck off.

He was about to leave, mad at himself for having any type of hope yet again, but then someone sat down beside him. Lucas looked at the newcomer and his heart skipped a beat. Eliott looked at him with sad eyes, he looked nervous and tired. His hands were fiddling with something while covered in paint. Lucas opened his mouth, but his words couldn’t form. He thought that seeing Eliott again would be easier, but it wasn’t. So they just sat there in silence, none of them uttering a single word. In the end Eliott offered him the package he was fiddling with.

“Number 24, right?”

#Skam france #Elu #Lucas Lallemant #Eliott Demaury #Elu fic #fanfic #my fic

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youremyonlyhope · 4 years

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The Last Jedi

Here we go. The most controversial Star Wars movie ever (unless Rise of Skywalker has reviews that are just as mixed. I haven’t read any so I don’t know how it’s been received yet.) I actually really really enjoyed the Last Jedi, but I haven’t rewatched it since I saw it in theaters.

Also, unrelated, but literally just a few hours ago I met Oscar Isaac. I was doing a caroling event where I work, and he came by with his son to watch. During one of our breaks, he asked if his son could try the microphone and he held him up so he could whisper and sing stuff into the mic. It was adorable.

I seemed to be the only person who recognized who he was, though one of my co-workers said he had thought so too but he wasn’t sure until I confirmed it. So I went up to Oscar and said hi, asked if he was Oscar Isaac, shook his hand, and thanked him for coming. He says that it was great and that his son loves to sing.

I always joked that I’d bump into Oscar one day since he lives in Brooklyn, but I didn’t think it’d actually happen. And not while I’m wearing a Star Wars shirt and Star Wars socks (which he obviously couldn’t see since I was bundled up in a coat and a scarf and boots but whatever). And definitely not the day before I’m supposed to see the Rise of Skywalker.

I’m still freaking out oh my god. Ok. Time to rewatch the Last Jedi.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... This was the first Star Wars movie I’d seen in theaters in like 12 years at this point. Seeing those words on a giant screen again was amazing. “Certain that Jedi Master Luke Skywalker will return and restore a spark of hope to the fight.” I love that line. I love any and all comparisons of Luke to hope. Yes I am biased. But also, restoring the spark is exactly he does in the end so yes, I love it. It’s just now hitting me that we’re picking up exactly where we left off. Having 1 night between the two movies is every different than having 2 years. ...Was that whatsherface from Game of Thrones, Catelyn’s creepy sister? (IMDB says yes) *BB8 beeps* “Happy beats here buddy, come on.” BB8 sort of said the thing! Also, OH MY GOD I JUST MET OSCAR ISAAC AND NOW HERE HE IS ON MY SCREEN WHAT THE HELL. Was today even real? Oh General Hugs. “Skinny guy. Kinda pasty.” Knowing Oscar and Domnhall are friends makes this better. Oh BB8. Very honorable of Billie Lourd’s Lieutenant Connix to make sure she’s in the last ship leaving the base so everyone else leaves before her. I forgot about the chain reaction of bombs destroying their own Resistance ships... You know, Paige dying while dropping the last of the bombs was already emotional. Rewatching it after you know she’s Rose’s sister makes it worse. First Binary Sunset of the movie. General Hugs has a very good upset face that makes me not feel bad for him at all. More like I want to punch him. Snoke can use the Force across the galaxy... forgot about that. I realized I didn’t mention this in the last one, but I remember the crew complaining that when they filmed the end of Force Awakens it was a cloudy day, but then when they went back to the island for TLJ it was super sunny. And now that it’s been pointed out, I noticed it immediately. Luke throwing the lightsaber. I can’t remember if I was spoiled for this but I feel like when I watched it, I wasn’t that thrown off by it. Something else I didn’t mention at the end of Force Awakens is that I LOVE this set. The stone houses are amazing. Oh porgs. Also, that porg looking into the lightsaber always gives me anxiety. The first words we hear Luke say in 40 years are an annoyed “Go away.” which at least is less whiney than the Tosche Station. Oh Chewie’s like “DUDE. WE NEED YOU.” “Wait... where’s Han?” Awww. Throwing in a little Vader’s theme in there. More temper tantrums. People getting mad at Luke calling a lightsaber a laser sword (in a purposefully mocking way) even though George Lucas himself called them that in some interviews. Yes, it’s not a laser sword, but Luke is trying to show how ridiculous he thinks the idea of him taking down everything is by calling a lightsaber that. I remember being like “Luke... no let’s not just milk that thing... oh ew” I do love the shot of Luke using the giant stick to cross to the other cliff and kill the fish. God that’s a steep hill. “No one’s from nowhere.” “Jakku.” “Alright that is pretty much nowhere.” That’s funny. “It’s time for the Jedi to end.” Remember when that line in the trailer made the fandom literally break down? I love knowing that behind the scenes, Carrie had to slap Oscar a billion times. Also, I do not blame Leia at all. So many people were mad about Leia and Holdo demoting Poe, but Poe was too fearless in that moment. Yes, he destroyed the ship and it worked out, but they lost so many people and they already didn’t have many to begin with. It was worth it, but at a very high cost. So I don’t blame her. Heyyyyyy it’s that girl from that Black Mirror episode and what was that other show? Chewing Gum or something? (IMDB says yes it’s Michaela Coel) See and Poe’s already learning a little by asking permission. Of course... later on he doesn’t ask permission... but whatever. Leia’s Theme... causing me pain. Oh, Kylo didn’t kill his mom. We’re supposed to be happy about that? The bar is on the ground. The utter horror I felt the first time the control room was destroyed and Leia was pulled into space. Oh I love the moment when Leia flies in. Because I’d heard that in the books and comics, we get to explore Leia’s Force abilities and stuff but we don’t get it in the movies besides “I feel that Luke’s in trouble.” Which sucks, because she is the “other” if Luke didn’t work out, so she’s just as strong as Luke if she got trained. They should have just trained both kids honestly, why did they pick the boy? Not saying Obi-Wan and Yoda are sexist... but they’re probably sexist. Also, foreshadowing. I actually noticed the hologram of the ship and Leia flying through this time. Oh Chewie. I like the porg that literally has his jaw dropped in horror. Knowing now that the dice were kind of a symbol of Kira (was that Emilia Clarke’s character?) and Han’s relationship makes me not like them as much. Still, cute throwback that they’re still on the Falcon. We can just ignore they weren’t there in Force Awakens (I kept an eye out and didn’t see them) The way Luke laughed when he said “R2!” I just... my heart. “Nothing can make me change my mind” *R2 plays the Leia hologram* I literally just went “AWWWW” out loud because I forgot that that’s why R2 started playing it. Oh my heart. That hurt the first time. Luke standing over Rey, but offering to help her. Parallels. Oh Admiral Ackbar. I love Holdo’s dress. I love the draping. Someone teach me how to make it. “Thank you for making me aware.” Yeah Poe, she already knows. Stop mansplaining. This is literally a case of mansplaining, why would Poe think he’d have to explain to a commander that there’s no fuel? Yeah it’s a little harsh, but is Holdo wrong? All of these fanboys complain about Canto Bight, but forget that it was Poe’s idea. Then they go and say Holdo was too mean should have put Poe in charge. Guys. Poe’s impulsive. We love him, but he’s the ultimate Gryffindor with no fear and will just do anything without considering consequences. I do wish Holdo had been more open like “I have a plan. You don’t need to know all the parts of it. Just let me do what I need to, ok?” instead of “Just follow my orders.” but still. Oh poor Rose. “Doing talking....” Oh she’s so cute. “I’ve had to stun 3 people trying to use this escape pod.” We love a girl who can fight. Yeah. Once again. Not mad at Rose. Finn does have some selfish tendencies, he’s well meaning but ultimately selfish (or at least, only thinking of Rey). So I do not blame Rose for stunning him.

And now I will take a nap since I have to go to a show tonight. And then I will finish the last 3/4-ish of the movie when I get home later.

Annnnd I’m back!

See. Rose has good reason to be mad at deserters. Ok so it wasn’t Poe’s idea to go to the Star Destroyer it was Finn’s. I will give him that. But still Poe went along with it. “That... wasn’t exactly my...” Oh 3PO. I wish Maz had had a bigger scene. More Lupita please. I have one question: from what angle is this hologram filmed? And how does the camera follow her? I guess it’s multiple hologram cameras, but still, it followed her as she rolled and ran around. Also, did Finn call Maz or did Poe call her? Because as far as we know, only Finn knows her. It seemed like they both had the idea to call her, but that Poe had it first. Did Finn tell Poe about Maz? I’m glad they showed Finn handing Poe the binary tracker thing, since for a second I was like “What if Rey had popped up next to Finn on the Star Destroyer?” I’m glad Rey’s first instinct is to shoot Kylo. “Can you see my surroundings?” “You’re gonna pay for what you did.” “I can’t see yours.” Why do I remember that line so vividly? Why does it make me feel so unsettled? Rey, my sweet Rey, I wish you had just told Luke that you saw Kylo. I love Luke’s explanation of the Force. And him messing with Rey was funny. I love when Rey’s reaching out and feeling life, death, peace, violence, etc. And I love Luke saying the Force doesn’t belong to the Jedi, because it doesn’t. The Jedi failed years ago. “You didn’t even try to stop yourself.” Luke’s horrified. But also, Rey’s just like an extreme version of Luke. Yoda knew that Luke’s emotions could make him vulnerable to the dark side, Rey’s already vulnerable. Yeah, I don’t blame Luke for being scared of Rey after he feels like this is Ben all over again. Oh my god. I love the porg that has a metal piece over its head. That actually made me laugh out loud. Poor Chewie.

I just had to refresh tumblr because my draft wasn’t saving. It brought me back to my dashboard. Where there was a spoiler for the new movie and it wasn’t tagged. PLEASE tag your spoilers people.

The water hitting Kylo still confuses me. Say what you will about the Canto Bight plot... the costumes are AMAZING. The costumes literally make the whole side plot worth it to me. Literally I was just in awe by all the costumes during every single scene. And the set! The set’s fantastic too! I literally just paused every single second to take in all of the costumes. Do I care if the Canto Bight trip ended up pointless? Nope! Because it gave me some of Star Wars’ best costumes. Oh... to be an extra in the Canto Bight scene... Just show up... And put on a beautiful outfit... And do nothing else but pretend to drink, talk, and gamble... That’s the dream. Oh hi Mark Hamill! That was cute that they let him voice that little thing. I remember noticing the thing and being like “...is he important?” and nope, it’s just Mark doing an extra voice. Oh I love the Fathiers. Aww and it’s the little Force sensitive boy. I have thoughts about that kid that I can get into later. The way BB8 jingles with the coins. I love it.

Rey: *Does a move with her stick* Rey: *Does the same exact move with the lightsaber* Fanboys: She’s too good too fast! Mary Sue!

As I said throughout all of the Force Awakens, she’s just applying the skills she already had. If anything, a lightsaber’s easier since it’s half the length and she doesn’t have to worry about the back of it hitting her. LOL, remember when we thought this shot was an epic shot of Luke training her? Good times. Oh that poor fish nun. Everything Luke says about the Jedi is true (also did I not say they failed earlier in the post? Luke agrees with me). Rey’s right that a Jedi got Ani to come back from the dark side, but the Jedi’s system enabled him to turn in the first place. Soooooo yeah. Oh Luke. Don’t blame yourself. Kylo was already basically gone. Sure, seeing his uncle standing over him with a lightsaber definitely didn’t help... but it’s not the only thing that made him turn. Who is this captain of the medical ship? He looks familiar. (IMDB says he’s Danny Sapani. I probably recognized him from the Crown) Oh BB8. Finn, did you learn nothing from Rey? Put the cover back on the vent! Awww the Fathiers have such sad eyes... I love the Resistance ring. Can I buy one? Ok. The shot of the bubble egg lady singing felt like it was much longer the first time, but it’s really only a split second. I. LOVE. THE. CANTO. BIGHT. SET. I know it’s a real town in like Italy or somewhere near the Mediterranean. I want to go. I love it. I love that the first thing Luke does when he decides to use the Force again is to seek out Leia. Oh poor Adam became a meme after this. He just has a very wide and bulky body, ok? God Luke looks so scary in Kylo’s flashback. “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.” That reflection scene is so visually stunning. So in a way, it’s like Luke is failing Rey like he failed Ben. He’s not helping her in the way she needs, so she’s being lured by the dark side instead. I love the walls falling around Luke. “Did you do it? Did you create Kylo Ren?” Rey, he already told you earlier that he believes it’s his fault, so the answer from him is yes. I can’t remember if we hear this story of Luke and Kylo one more time after this or not. “Then he’s our last hope.” Ok ew. No. Kylo is not allowed to be compared to hope. Only Luke, Leia, or Obi-Wan can be. Oh for a second I thought that torch was a lightsaber. YODA!!!!! I think I had been spoiled for Yoda showing up. It was definitely still exciting though. “The sacred Jedi texts!” Oh Luke. Oh memes. Not as whiney as I remembered. “But that library contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already possess.” Because Yoda knows she stole the books. Oh Yoda. I love Yoda. Oh Rose. Ok, so I will give it to Poe that at this moment it doesn’t seem like Holdo has a good plan. Abandoning ship isn’t necessarily cowardly, but on the surface it does seem like it puts them in more danger. Literally earlier today I watched a video about the layout of the Millennium Falcon, and the escape pods were mentioned. And I thought to myself, wow that must be something from the novels since we’ve definitely never seen that in the movies. Welp... I was wrong... Rey’s in one now. I was about to be like “Do they not care that an escape pod just docked?” before I saw Kylo. LOL the iron coming down like a ship. I feel like I remember being completely terrified when Rey stepped in front of Snoke. Oh BB8. Bumping into stuff. I remember being super relieved that DJ (has he told us this is his name yet? I can’t remember) gave back the medallion. Captain Phasma! Hey girl hey! Leia shooting Poe is still funny to me. Also Lieutenant Billie Connix is smart. I love the scene of Holdo and Leia saying goodbye. Also, Holdo’s purple hair with her bright blue eyes is super striking. Good choice. Snoke puts down the lightsaber. Unknowingly sealing his fate. Literally when Snoke reveals he connected their minds, I was like OF COURSE. Because the whole time I’m like neither of them are strong enough to do this. “She was more interested in protecting the light than she was seeming like a hero.” See. And that’s the flaw in both Poe and Finn. And Rey to an extent. They’re thinking about the big picture, but in context of smaller things like seeming like a hero, saving Rey, saving Kylo, etc. But Holdo’s thinking of only the big picture. I knew DJ betrayed them, I just forgot how badly.

And here’s another annoyance (which I was sorta trying to touch on earlier). Everyone hates the Canto Bight plot, yet they complain about Holdo trying to take charge. If Poe just let Holdo take charge and ignored Finn and Rose’s idea, then her plan would have been a complete success. No Canto Bight, no DJ to betray them, all the transports make it to Crait unnoticed, and the First Order eventually destroys a ship that’s empty except for Holdo. They complain about Holdo, but don’t think about the fact that Holdo could have prevented another plot they hated if the main characters had just listened to her.

And then Snoke hits Rey and literally puts the lightsaber back to where it will kill him. Ok literally I just misread a caption that said “Lord Vader” as “Lord Voldemort” and I was very confused. Taking a second to say that I love this set of Snoke’s throne room. Been thinking it forever, but Kylo picking up the lightsaber off the ground and seeing the reflection in the smooth red floor is amazing. Kylo igniting the lightsaber through Snoke is amazing. Also, I typed “Ben igniting” before literally freezing for a second and being like “...ok that’s a lot to unpack” I guess when he does something good my brain thinks of him as Ben instead of Kylo. ALSO, arm #16 and #17, I love that Snoke’s arms were cut off too in true Star Wars fashion. And I am VERY excited to see this fight scene again. I told myself not to pause at all during the Kylo and Rey team up fight, but I paused literally a second into it because Binary Sunset yes.

And my idiot brother and my mom are texting in the family group chat so it’s popping up on my screen throughout this scene. Ugh.

All of these red knight weapons are so cool. And I forgot about the one that gets chopped up... Oh my god one is a sword that transforms into a whip. LOVE. IT. And I love the quick lightsaber ignite through the head. Love it. Woah how is there still 44 minutes? I remember this battle being much closer to the end. I was wondering when the red walls went away, but I rewinded and saw that they had been slowly burning away after Rey made something hit them. Nice touch.

Ugh my brother and mom will not stop texting.

“You have no place in this story.” Wow Kylo, harsh. Oh shoot I forgot about the lightsaber breaking until they started their Force tug of war with it. I’d always wondered what would happen if someone lightsped through something... I want to say that I realized what she was doing before they told us, but now I realize that they basically told us what she would do when the First Order guy said “they’re preparing to hyperspeed.” so I guess I just caught on to the obvious hints.

God that moment still gives me chills. The silence. The way it sort of goes black and white. The multiple angles. So good.

I know for a fact that I spent the rest of the movie from this point on with my hands over my mouth in a constant stake of shock/fear/anxiety. Oh BB8. Some people thought this was ridiculous. But I had just spent the last few months rewatching the prequels before seeing this, and compared to the stuff R2 does, BB8 clumsily controlling a walker is nothing. Oh how I love Gwendoline Christie. I FORGOT THAT WE SAW HER EYE IN THE MASK. I hope Phasma survived. She’s so awesome. Ok my quality is like horrendous right now so I’m gonna refresh. LOL I FORGOT ABOUT GENERAL HUGS NEARLY ATTEMPTING TO KILL KYLO. Oh I forgot how much I love Crait as a set location. OH AND THE ICE DOG THINGS! LOVE THEM! Poe petting BB8 when he comes back kills me. I like those space age two person laptops. “People believe in Leia.” *Binary Sunset plays* My heart. Ok for a second I was like “This first person camera is like a war movie” and then it turns and we see the trench and I’m like “...ok... ok fine but that was very literal.” The red footsteps. Just... guys this set is so AMAZING. Ugh, these red streaks of dust behind them are so amazing. And when Finn passes in front of the camera, it gets covered in the dust and blurs part of the lens. Just like the Rathtar goo in the Force Awakens. I wonder if that’s going to be like... the thing of the sequels. One shot that has the camera lens partially covered by something. Also, I just wasted time trying to figure out if there’s an official name for that or not... oh well. The winding stripes left behind as they weave around... just... amazing. YEAH! GO CHEWIE! GO REY! Oh my god I forgot about the porg roaring. “Oh, they HATE that ship!” I’M DEAD. Look at the salt and how it forms the crystals in the trench. I love it. I FORGOT ABOUT THIS SHOT OF THE CAVE FULL OF THE RED SALT. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I remember when the trailer had the first shot of the gorilla walkers, and I didn’t notice at first that there were normal AT-ATs next to them, and then I realized these things were twice as big as AT-ATs and I was horrified. See, and now Poe has learned that you can’t always be a hero and is making a good decision. I forgot about Finn’s speeder literally melting as he gets closer. I don’t understand the people who were mad that Rose stopped Finn. I for one was HORRIFIED at just the thought of Finn dying this way and thankful she stopped him. “That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” The kiss is pointless but I love the line and sentiment behind it. Oh god. Ok. Here come the emotions. Binary Sunset is playing. I was a wreck. And a little of Han and Leia’s Love Theme as she sees the dice. I remember actually noticing that in the theaters and half-sobbing. Oh god the forehead kiss. Oh and he winks at 3PO as he walks by. My heart. This is the specific shot of the gorilla walkers and the AT-ATs in a line that freaked me out. That shot of Luke standing up against all the First Order walkers and ships. Amazing. That shoulder brush though. Kylo’s so dumb, he literally just watched that lightsaber get destroyed, he HELPED destroy it. He should have known something was up, it couldn’t have been repaired that quickly. Purposeful shot of Luke’s feet not moving the salt. That Matrix back bend though. “I will have killed the last Jedi.” He said the title. Also, is that the only time it’s said? Because they say it a lot in Force Awakens but I don’t think so yet in this movie.. “And I will not be the last Jedi.” Ok so now it’s said again by Luke. Purposeful shot of Kylo’s shoe leaving a footprint as he runs to Luke. I’m pretty sure I probably shrieked when he tried to slice Luke in half.

I just now remembered that I’d actually kind of wondered if he’d be a Force projection or something when he first showed up. Because I’d just watched Return of the Jedi like a week earlier and saw Obi-Wan do it, so I wondered if Luke was doing it too. Especially when Poe said Luke was distracting the First Order. It passed my mind and was confirmed when Kylo couldn’t hit him. And here’s where I started to feel like my world was crumbling...

Oh god. My eyes are wet. It hurts. But when I watched it the first time, I really felt like my world was absolutely falling a part and ending forever while I watched Luke die. With the stupid binary sunset in front of him just like when he was a teenager and when he was a baby. One of the first things he ever saw was the binary sunset. I was like “This is beautiful, but that doesn’t mean I’m not completely in pain and dying.” That shot from above of Kylo with the stormtroopers, mirroring a shot from the prequels of Ani. Nice. So do they still have that connection even if Snoke’s dead?

HEY! Hey. Those dice were still visible to Kylo even after Luke was dead... was Leia Force projecting them to Kylo? It wouldn’t take as much work as doing it to everyone else at once from lightyears away. One person, your son, would be easier. So maybe... maybe Leia’s the one continuing the projection of the dice. I’m gonna stick with that theory thanks.

Awww BB8 asked Rey about his antenna, just like when they first met. Remember when people were like “Are Poe and Rey gonna be a thing?!?!?” and of course I’d much prefer that over Reylo thanks. The books! Somehow, that obvious shot of the books goes over so many people’s heads. So many complaints about the books getting burned, when they literally show us that Rey saved them. I had never noticed the bunks in the Millennium Falcon either until I saw that video earlier, and I’m glad I got to actually see one in use since Rose is sleeping in one.

Oh GOD the entirety of the Resistance can fit on the Millennium Falcon... that is NOT good.

I LOVE the scene of the kids retelling the story of Luke. I must have already gone in depth about this 2 years ago, but I love it. Luke became a legend in the end. He didn’t necessarily want to be one, but he’s become one. It was exactly what was in the opening scroll, he restored the spark of hope. That subtle use of the Force by that little boy. With Binary Sunset playing. And I love that last shot of him holding the broom up like a lightsaber.

I nearly forgot that they put in “In loving memory of our princess, Carrie Fisher” at the end. That’s what got me to finally cry. 40 straight minutes of covering my mouth in anxiety, then feeling like my world was crashing down around me as Luke died. Having it dedicated to Carrie made me just start sobbing so hard. Watch that happen again tomorrow.

I remember when I left the theater, at first I was like “What if the boys is Rey’s brother?!” but then... I realized that a huge point of the movie went over my head for a second there.

The fandom got so caught up in figuring out who Rey’s parents are, whether it’s Obi-Wan or Luke or Leia or even Palpatine, that they were mad when Kylo said they were no one. But like... guys... not every single Force user is related to the Skywalkers or anyone else we already know. There were hundreds of Jedi in the prequels, because anyone can be Force sensitive. Obi-Wan’s parents were nobody, Qui-Gon’s parents were nobody, Mace’s parents were nobody. They didn’t come from long lines of Force users (at least in movie lore), BECAUSE THE JEDI WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO HAVE KIDS. The Skywalkers aren’t even a long line, it’s just 3 generations at this point. So literally none of the Jedi of the past came from powerful Force users (or at least from ones who got the chance to become Jedi) since that literally goes against the code.

Luke found at least 11 other Force sensitive kids to train alongside Ben, their parents were all definitely nobodies since he’s the last Jedi. Ben is an anomaly, Luke and Leia are anomalies, the Jedi don’t have kids! The fandom got so caught up in figuring out who Rey could be related to, that they forgot that for millennia the individual Jedi were not related to anyone.

Anyone can be Force sensitive. Anyone can be a Jedi. Rey is an example of that. That little boy is an example of that. That’s why I love that the little Force sensitive boy was the final shot of the movie. He was meant to reassure and remind us after the Rey parentage reveal that anyone can end up Force sensitive. They don’t need a famous/powerful parent. They can come from anywhere and be anyone. And I love that that’s the final note of this movie.

Some people were not reassured. Some people couldn’t handle the idea that Rey’s powerful just because she’s Rey, not because she’s someone’s daughter. She HAS to be related to someone to be that powerful, right? But every Jedi before her who was just as powerful wasn’t related to anyone, so why does she have to be?

ANYWAY! I was actually worried over the last 2 years that I’d rewatch The Last Jedi and not like it as much as I did in theaters. I still like it a lot. Even the Canto Bight scenes get redeemed by the costumes and the set being so amazing. But I love the message of don’t be a hero, this is bigger than just you. And I love the message that even if you’re “nobody” from “nowhere” you could still be Force Sensitive and you could still be a Jedi. I love Luke’s send off, I love that he does end up reigniting the spark and being a beam of hope again. I love it.

And I’m excited to see the Rise of Skywalker tomorrow.

#hope rewatches star wars #ignore me if you want

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