Revelations (we could do without)
Content warning: pure chaos
My brain refused to let me sleep last night because it took a random dialogue line in Punk Hazard and ran away with it and decided to make it everyone else's problem xD I hope it makes someone laugh just a little bit :)
[ READ ON AO3 | KO-FI ]
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Nami couldn’t believe it. She had thought that with Robin and Usopp there, Luffy and Zoro wouldn’t do anything completely stupid or insane on that burning island. She had also thought that staying on the Sunny would be safe.
But here they fucking were.
In but a few hours, Nami found herself standing in the broken remains of some laboratory in the absolutely freezing, semi-deserted half of said island, stuck in Franky’s giant, iron body while surrounded by children of various sizes playing happily around them. An alligator centaur was glaring at her. They barely just got rid of a talking severed head only for it to get put on a walking pair of severed legs—going off to search for his creepy moving severed torso. Her body was likely currently being groped by Sanji and ogled by Brook. At least the charges she was planning to collect would be somewhat worth it, she supposed…
But then the children started collapsing from terrible drug withdrawals and Nami really had to wonder what kind of cursed star she was born under.
And if all of that wasn’t enough, now the creepiest fucking guy Nami’d ever met was just standing there, casually chatting with Luffy as if 90 % of everything she just recounted wasn’t his own damn fault. And he wouldn’t even get her back inside her own body! Sure, Sanji was still better than Franky but she wanted her beautiful, delicate figure back, goddamn it! She didn’t work so hard to stay in shape, pampering her skin and hair just to lose it, simply because Mr Warlord here thought it was funny or something.
And as if that wasn’t enough—
“I am going to go with your decision, but Luffy—” Robin said, tone serious— “but betrayal is all too common with pirate alliances.”
—there was this goddamned alliance thing.
Nami knew there was no point trying to talk Luffy out of it but that didn’t mean she was happy about it or didn’t try. And god, did she try.
The entire walk back from the stupid mountain back to the laboratory, she did nothing but argue with him, trying to explain all the reasons why an alliance was a bad idea but it was like talking to a snickering wall.
She loved Luffy and she would die for him but she really hated him sometimes.
Stubborn idiot.
He was so lucky Nami was too tired to get mad about it anymore.
“Who’s the doctor?” Trafalgar Law asked, full of exasperation after his short-lived, pointless argument with Luffy about helping the children, then groaned when everyone wordlessly pointed at Chopper, lying immobile on the ground after Franky and Luffy’s collective abuse.
“I’ll help you with the drug antidote but I can’t really walk right now,” Chopper said apologetically. “Can you carry me?”
For a moment, it looked like Law was regretting every single life decision that led him to this point—and good riddance, it was his own fault—before he clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Fine. But you’ll have to hide.”
“I’ll get you ready, Chopper.” Usopp hurried over before he grabbed Chopper’s little backpack and started stuffing all the equipment he had used on the children earlier inside.
Meanwhile, Law was rubbing at his temples and Nami was sure he was having a headache about as bad as she herself did.
Just then, Luffy approached Law, that bright, blinding smile of his plastered on his face. “By the way, Torao,” he started, poking Law’s side a few times to get his attention.
“What?” Law sighed, sounding absolutely exhausted.
“You said there was something you wanted to take back from me earlier? What did you mean?” Luffy questioned, his eyebrows furrowed into an adorable frown while he tilted his head to the side curiously.
Law was silent for a moment, simply regarding Luffy silently before he clicked his tongue again, looking away. And this time… he looked almost embarrassed as he opened his mouth to speak.
“I meant my heart, Straw Hat-ya,” he muttered, obviously trying to keep his voice down enough that the rest of the crew didn’t hear. Unfortunately for him, however… this cave-like structure did nothing for secrecy, with all the echoing.
And so… Nami could still hear him loud and clear.
Her eyes blew wide as her mouth fell open. She exchanged a look with Usopp, the man looking about as horrified as Nami felt. She wasn’t sure if that made her feel better or worse.
Because holy shit.
Trafalgar Law, the Surgeon of Death, one of the Warlords of the Sea… really said that.
“Did he just confess to Luffy?” Usopp mouthed in her direction.
Nami’s eyes flickered between Law, Luffy, and Usopp before she nodded stiffly. Then, she turned her attention fully to the pair, taking in the scene before her.
To her surprise, Luffy didn’t look the least bit shocked or taken aback or creeped out or… anything along those lines, really. Instead, he was standing in front of Law confidently, perfectly relaxed; only his frown had deepened even more while he stuck his bottom lip out in a pout.
It looked like he was actually unhappy about what Law had said—or maybe disappointed?
“But why?” Luffy whined, this time grabbing at Law’s sleeve and pulling sharply—an action that only got him a dirty look. “I like it! It’s not like you need it.”
“Straw Hat-ya, a person can’t live without a heart,” Law retorted, unimpressed.
Luffy simply rolled his eyes in response. “You know what I mean, you ass.”
At that… Law chuckled. Actually chuckled.
“Fine, have it your way. Don’t blame me if you die later because of it.” There was a teasing smirk on his lips as he spoke.
And then…
Nami’s eyes blew even wider if at all possible as she could do nothing but watch while Trafalgar fucking Law leaned down, pressing his mouth to Luffy’s. While Luffy let him. Then laughed happily when Law pulled away again.
If she wasn’t so frozen, Nami would have screamed.
Because oh god.
Oh.
God.
They kissed. They fucking kissed like it was nothing, like it was normal, like they had done it a hundred times before.
Nami had no idea what was even happening anymore. Luffy did mention Law had saved him after the war but this? This was something completely different. It was absolutely insane, actually.
“I think your crew’s going to explode,” Law noted, finally breaking the oppressive silence that had settled over the lab—or at least seemed to have; it wasn’t like Lufffy and Law had stopped talking after… that but Nami couldn’t hear anything they said over the static in her brain.
“Can you blame us?!” Usopp cried, his hands flying up to cover his eyes as if the sight had burned them.
“Oh.” Robin chuckled. “I think you’ve neglected to mention something, Luffy.”
“Huh? What do you mean?” Luffy asked, full of confusion once again.
“You didn’t tell them we’re dating?” Law asked, his eyebrow raised as he glanced at Luffy.
Luffy, who merely hummed in a way that made it clear he thought it didn’t matter—or thought it was too much of a drag to explain. But finally, he turned to the present members of his crew, placing his hands on his hips and proudly declaring, “Guys, Torao’s my boyfriend.”
“Tell us these things before you scar us for life!” Usop screeched, his face still buried in his hands in despair. Or maybe he was trying to claw his eyes out. “I don’t even want to know what that thing about his heart was anymore.”
A happy smile spread on Luffy’s face and he started talking animatedly. “That one’s so funny, actually! Torao’s power is super weird. He can take organs out and it’s so cool, okay? He let me play with my intestines and stuff.”
A strangled, horrified noise came from Chopper, the only reaction from the one normal and sane doctor around, apparently. It was a reaction that perfectly conveyed how Nami was feeling in that moment.
“Luffy, please—” Usopp started but Robin interrupted him.
“Please continue, that sounds fascinating,” she said, apparently paying rapt attention to whatever creepy shit Luffy had just said.
“No! Please just shut up!” Nami begged, her hands quickly coming up to cover her ears in a vain attempt to stop the words from reaching her.
Luffy, however, paid neither her nor Usopp any mind, his grin widening at Robin’s prompting; he continued, now even waving his hands around in excitement. “Yeah so, we couldn’t have a vivre card made on Amazon Lily so Torao just took out our hearts and switched them so now I have his heart with me. It’s such a funny feeling, you guys should try it!”
Nami didn’t have the brain capacity for this anymore.
She really should have just stayed with Arlong.
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