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#zodiac humour
piscescrown · 2 years
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Pisces: well, I think that's all... If you need anything, just call me, okay?
Aries: don't worry, I'm actually a very independent person, I just needed to vent.
Capricorn, who was hearing the whole convo from a dark corner: wHY CanT I bE TrEaTEd thE SAmE waY ???? I hAvE ProBlEmS ToO !!
Pisces to Capricorn: you IGNORED ME WHEN I ASKED YOU HOW WAS YOUR DAY GOING!!
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incorrecthoroscopes · 8 months
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Leo: I see you're paying attention to someone who isn't me. Why is that?
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your-astro-mami · 2 years
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he's a 10 but he has a scorpio moon
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richo1915 · 7 months
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There is something extremely satisfying about using the same pen until the ink runs out.
It has nothing to do with being a Virgo….
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xutxfxrder · 2 years
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Libra: You know those things will kill you, right?  Virgo, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.  Capricorn, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.  Pisces: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*
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don-dake · 2 months
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先排喺架𨋢入面睇到嘅書法。八成係 「龍」 嘅美觀 (僻) 字。未見過 「龍」 用過噉嘅寫法。好似係由 「登」、「門」、「龍」 合成起嚟。幾得意。
Calligraphy seen not too long ago. Most likely an artistic (rare) rendition of the character for 🐉 「龍」. Never seen 「龍」 rendered like this before…interesting!
Edited-to-add: Thanks to cantonese.class @ Insta, I've realised/learned that this is a special made-up compound character comprising of the characters 「登」, 「龍」 & 「門」 to make up the auspicious sounding phrase of 「登龍門」, which can be translated as “Ascending to the Dragon's Door”!
The fact that I saw this in a lift (elevator) makes it really amusing now too! Whoever wrote and/or put up this character has a sharp sense of humour! (笑)
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fuckzodiacsigns · 2 years
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Fuck zodiac signs, which of the four humours are you
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bivht · 2 months
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Astrology Observations
😎Virgo moons are polite and respectful until you cross their boundaries. But people accuse them of being rude even when THEY were the ones put in a super uncomfortable situation
😎Aquarius and sagittarius placements are free-spirited. You tell them to do something and suddenly it’s an obligation rather than a choice and they don’t want to do it anymore lmao
😎Cancer risings and their low-key unhealthy relationship with food :0
😎Taurus is branded as the foodie of the zodiac but I think Sagittarius is the ultimate foodie
😎I like to see the moon sign as who a person is at their core. And the moon sign in your mercury persona chart is very insightful to how you express yourself.
for example:
Aries moon- expresses themselves passionately, perseverant, doesn’t give up easily, likes to keep things tidy, hard working
Taurus moon- sweet and charming way of talking, logical, doesn’t like believe anything without concrete evidence, self care, words of affirmation, has definitive personal boundaries
Gemini moon- domicile (home sign), real sweet talkers, witty, critical thinking skills on point, charmers, know how to talk themselves out of a situation, scatterbrained
Cancer moon- sweet, will remember your birthday, wants to include everyone, confused easily
Leo moon- humorous, dramatic af, will spread love to whoever gives them attention, gives their love to everyone
Virgo moon- domicile, polite, respectful, knows how to remain professional in awkward situations, hates the feeling of being stuffed full?? 7/10 full is sufficient for them, due to this they’re usually slim, “perfect” self expression, neat and tidy, expresses gratitude for every tiny thing, eats slowly, critical thinking on point, extremely private (esp. about relationships)
Libra moon- diplomatic, likes to agree, charming, soft and sweet but also vengeful, avoids confrontation, talks shit behind backs instead of addressing issue directly with person
Scorpio moon- opinionated, probably a coffee addict, death stares at people they dislike, private but not the same as virgo, virgos tell you things but won’t go into detail, scorpios just won’t tell you. so fiercely loyal, their charm is fatal
Sagittarius moon (detriment)- happy, seems like they’re always having fun, don’t take themselves too seriously, charmers, funny facial expressions, stuff themselves full. they DEVOUR food, tendency to overindulge so can be chubby cheeked, struggle to articulate themselves in a professional manner, hates being nagged, lacks critical thinking, they get bored easily so consistency is an ongoing struggle
Capricorn moon- logical, down to earth, realistic, charming, articulate, their smart little jokes, a bit reluctant to try new things but they will, loves feeling in control (more than anyone else), really patient, consistency is key
Aquarius moon- they talk in a very self-important way, very recognisable tone of voice, an intellectual, research whore, likes to share their found knowledge with people, lecture people
Pisces moon (detriment)- ehhem OVERSHARER to the T, silly humour, a bit unreasonable as they don’t follow logic, poor critical thinking skills, either super empathetic or lacks any empathy
😎More of an assumption but Leo+Virgo (and/or taurus)= hating slimy and mushy textures like eggplant, okra, durian
😎Chiron in the 6h can be obsessed with hygiene and cleanliness. My brother has this and he will not eat from the same spoon or drink from the same straw as anyone else, not even his own mother. He’s criticized and scolded by his mother because of this
😎A mother with 10h mercury is scrutinizing their childrens’ speaking abilities and how they interact with people in public
😎Aries mars has a fit looking body
😎People with sun 1h in the mars persona chart can seem really athletic
😎Sometimes individuals with neptune hard aspects (esp. square) are accused of having a mental illness (bullied)
😎Mars square neptune is a really anxious placement. Their panic is so clear on their face. They get really nervous about things more than others. Their intentions are confusing and people find it hard to figure out what your intentions for your actions are
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skewbforty · 2 years
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"Rachael, you are actually cancer" - NASA (indirectly)
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astro-royale · 4 months
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AstrologyObs: Appearance
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Disclaimer:my opinion
Cancers are the cutie of the zodiac!! Round facial features. Cozy, comfy, warm and inviting. They may look great in Asian make up styles or old classic make up styles. Bohemian. 70s look or even 50s.
Gemini have a cheekiness to them that’s apparent in their features. They look like troublemakers in a wholesome way. They usually have quite sharp smiles. They have a very on the go energy , and I think they can get away with being sporty or even messy. But they also look so good with a basic 90s style which reflects their logical mind.they may also have a “rebel” “punk” or even Avril Lavigne vibe.
Pisces just feel like a wave of tranquility and I just want to chill with them. They have such dreamy eyes that make you want to get lost in them. They look so good with shimmers, in make up and clothes. Also metallic colours. Glowy make up. MERMAID. They suit modern style of clothing a lot.
Sagittarius, the free spirits, can actually look great with more revealing looks. They can get away with over the top things, and they will make it look cool, like their way of dressing is part of their philosophy. I feel like Sagittarius also has a lowkey sense of humour to their style, “ I did it for the fun of it, why not” also look so good in red:::
Scorpio.. you guys just remind me of Johnny Depp in pirates of the Caribbean, looks wise that is. Very alluring, darkness around the eyes. You change and transform people so no one will ever experience another you again. Your dress sense may have elements of danger. Leather jackets. A sense of shock, uniqueness . Darkness. Alternative or femme fatale.
Aries yall look good in office things, or just sophisticated and sharp styles tbh. There’s an angularity to you but it looks very cool and dramatic, it makes you interesting and cool. Lush, and sharp.it gives lip gloss and matte outfit vibes.
Capricorn, your organisation influences your dress sense so much and i actually think that Capricorn represents a mainstream dress sense or something conventional and basic you see everyday. So you look good in that. Simple. Classy. Timeless. Capricorns with Aquarius placements may disagree
Taurus, yall look really good with heavy makeup up looks, or full face glam. you guys look good with mullets. And electric colours. Graphic liners. Cool eyeshadow looks. IG baddie make up looks. May also suit dip dye hair styles or highlights.
Virgo, I feel like many of you may have had a hipster phase, plaid shirt and boots situation. Or some kind of lowkey emo phase . Even a tomboy phase. But anyways, you look great with slicked back hairstyles, neat loose natural hair. You Look Royal, in a laid back way. No matter your aesthetic. Virgo, you look best when you take care of yourself, when you look very clean, and tidy. Clean girl aesthetic
Leo, Animal prints look so great. You’re royal in a flashy way. You may feel like you look great in designer clothing or higher end brands. The quality and brand may be of importance to you and you won’t just buy things from anywhere. You’re going to attract looks, because the planets revolve around the sun. You look good being flashy and fully expressing your authentic self and uniqueness, don’t hold back your greatness.
Libra, yall could wear a potato sack and still look great asf. Your facial features are usually very proportionate and balanced. I think your natural glow is what suits you best, and an elegant outfit. You look great showing everyone the embodiment of Venus on Earth, and I think you have “aesthetic” in your genes.
Aquarius, you look good in unisex or androgynous, long or short hair, any colour, you will make it work. Doesn’t matter if things clash, you can make it work. The innovated. Unique style. Dreamy aura, they have an intelligent vibe. You’re giving the audience a taste of the stars. Of intelligence beyond this earth. Cyber /rave styles can look great on them too. Or very artsy looks. Many of them also get into cosplay. They look ethereal so they can embody what isn’t real (anime, cartoons, movie characters etc) People may even say they look like an anime character.
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incorrecthoroscopes · 2 years
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Pisces: Romeo and Juliet is a love story, right?
Capricorn: Romeo and Juliet is NOT a love story. It is a tragedy about how young love is stupid and short-sighted.
Libra: Romeo and Juliet is indeed a tragedy, but the love between the two stars is not stupid or short-sighted. It is genuine and beautiful. The tragedy comes from the fact that the rivalry between the Capulets and the Montegues destabilizes their community and kills two innocent kids who loved each other.
Aquarius: Mercutio is gay.
Sagittarius: NOW I'm interested.
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theoccultz · 9 months
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Astrology observations -ll
Mini
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Moon in 3rd house- they might look different from their siblings like they have a major feature that stands out .
Capricorn sun,moon,rising doesn't always mean being the elder sibling but being more mature than others
Neptune in 1st/8th house- is not a manipulative or a mask placement these people are just "adaptive to situations" and have control over the environment ,they can pick up or learn social Etiquette faster .
Neptune 1st house doesn't mean not knowing your identity these people always learn from others hence they change every now & then .
Uranus in 2nd house- is earning money through various resources not going brooke lmfao
its a placement where an individual have multiple interests and they wish to even gain from it .so yep these people appreciate a different lifestyle from their peers
Pisces in 5th house -is a famous placement these people are not stupid let me tell you just leave them in a classroom,streets and they'll get people on their side also its a good placement to catch shady people in entertainment industry these people are aware of everything .
If you think someone is sassy and leaderlike its a leo moon in disguise , they have a reputation for being the tough ones but no no they are pretty emotional and mind others reactions towards them also they are pretty protective of their loved ones .
I'm sorry but scorpio suns have tons of connections its actually insane how they know literally everyone like bae you fbi?
Saggitarius moons are skeptical and they hide it very well also they can catch liars easily i would say "THIS" is the placement of jester .
Aries sun's are actually funny without even trying i could write about them all day ,they are clumsy and just aries y'know
Ok but no one talks about Libra moon stare ? Hello
Kim novak hirai momo Leo di caprio
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They have this intense stare ,they look like they know your shit .
9house saturn are unseen by the people around them growing up ,yet they have the most significant glow up in terms of power
Taurus moon on the shadow is aggressive and restless
Scorpio mercury talks in a sluggish way it feels like they are just tired of speaking at this point and no that is not annoying they sound pretty chill
Cancer moon look like they have been through hell and back meanwhile they went to shopping ,i swear they're in their feelings most of the time &they don't give a damn lol
Cancer venus-are misunderstood ,clowns or just going through life i feel for ya guys .....Its masking hurt using humour actually
Oh lord i gotta talk about pisces saturn its like a push and pull feeling you have ,you know you are working towards it but its still pretty tricky to figure out
I know scorpios are observant af ? But Aquarius moon's top the list its like they are so keen on studying every little thing .
Cancer moon x Capricorn moon -toughest duo of zodiacs
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Pics not mine -credits to their rightful owners ,i do not own any pictures.
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richo1915 · 7 months
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blingblong55 · 6 months
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Stay professional- 141
A/n: I have no idea what picture to use…
Based on a request:
Doctor reader who has incredibly dark humor that most times their patients/the guys think their serious --- GN!Reader, doctor!reader, platonic!relationship ---
A/N: Just the jokes ig because my head is a mess rn
The first time meeting you did scare them. "You have very little time," You told Price as you fixed his arm during the flight. His eyes widened, "what?!" Gaz, Ghost and Soap swore the injury was minor. "What?" you asked and Price swore it was the morphine messing with him. "Oh, no…you aren't dead…dead.whatever I said, I meant, with the scar…you have very little time with this scar, it'll heal fast," you reassure and he breathes a sigh of relief. "Who the hell got us this doctor?" Ghost asks the team and you shrug. "I'm not even a doctor, just an infantry soldier," you casually mention and Price nearly faints.
"Oh, I'm kidding!" you laugh. "Y'all need to have some humour," you nudge Gaz who was beside you. "Humour? Humour?! Look 'ere you little-" Ghost gets stopped by Price. "Not now, they have a needle in their hand." Your hands working fast to get Price ready for the long way back home. Now and then check on him and then glance at the others. "Weather is nice out there?" Soap and Ghost glare. Gaz stays silent. "Not a friendly team?" You look at the three men. No one said a word. "Good thing I showed up, huh," you once more try and make the flight back to baseless awkward.
---
It was months since the initial welcome they gave you and now they've gotten used to you. Well, not really but you just believe they are.
You were sent back for them on a different occasion. More men in the team as they had just come back from another long and deadly mission. You were fixing a patient when one taps on your shoulder. After some conversation, you tell them, "Take one for each day of the week," the pills sit on your palm. "But there's only three pills," the soldier said. Price sighed. "Exactly." The man's life flashed before his eyes. "I'm just kidding, these three will help until we get back," You pat his back and the man's life comes back to him.
---
Price and his men were in the infirmary when you walked in. White attire on you as you walked to a man who had been waiting for results. His file on your hand as you walk to him. Ghost listened to whatever bull shit would come out of your mouth. "So, what's the problem doctor?" the ill soldier spoke. "What's your zodiac sign?" You casually ask. "Uhm…cancer I believe." You nod, "what a coincidence no?" The man was about to tear up when you walked away and to the next patient. Ghost was beyond bewildered as he watched you leave the man.
---
Another time when the team was left with a gasp was when you had to inform a child that their parents had died in combat. The little girl didn't know where to go or who to until they tugged on her white coat. "Excuse me, doctor, can you help me?" The little girl said. You knew well who it was, and out of nervousness, you said, "I wish I could, but I'm currently helping families and you're an orphan."
Price was left with an audible gasp from his sergeants and a deep chuckle from Ghost.
---
A soldier who was known to be the barracks bunny got tested and you had to deliver the news. Once more, 141 was there for a routine checkup when they saw you walk to the person. "I have your diagnosis," you carefully said. "Well what are the results, I don't have all day." The soldier said. "Well it's a clear positive for being a slut, but you go and slay your way on their infected dicks, honey," you walk away from the patient and to them. "Gaz, you're up next, then Soap, Price and then Ghost, we need a serious talk sugar," you walk into your office.
"Seriously, the rookie?" Soap looked at his lieutenant.
---
On another mission, Chimera and 141 worked as allies, and Soap got injured. You walked to him. "Hi, how are you?" You ask as you sit beside him. "I'm fine, thank you." He says politely. "So why the fuck did they say you need medical attention?" Price rolled his eyes as Gaz chuckled when he understood the joke. "To work, doctor," Price's gravelly voice said.
---
A young recruit needed serious medical attention after a bomb exploded by him. After hours of working on his body, Price who commanded the soldier came up to you. "Is he okay? The bomb exploded by his left side-"
"He's all right.." you chuckle and then apologise. "Sorry, uhm..yeah… stabilised" ---
It was time for you to end your shift, the men after some time got used to you and just waited for you to walk with them. "Night, doc," Soap walked his way with Gaz to their rooms. "You have some dark humour, doctor," Ghost comments. You grin, "Well you know what they say," you shrug. "What do they say?" Price made the accident of asking. "Dark humour is like food-" Price walked away when you said that. "R/N, don't you dare finish that sentence," Ghost commanded but gave you a fist bump. "Good one though," he chuckles.
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the baftas: my eyes need bleach after the livestream chat.
I SAID I WOULD COME TO TUMBLR AND SLUT-SHAME ALL OF YOU, AND YOU BET YOUR GODDAMN BILDADDY I'M HERE TO DO IT. First, a huge thank you to @good-usernames-were-taken, Valerie, for enabling this entire chaos and streaming it. And of course to Disappointment the Main Maggot.
Second, as per requests from you maggots, I have to give an honourary mention to the tragic lack of an emotional support gaseous orange, the late half-eaten packet of Lays on my desk, and my nearly empty can of Monster energy. Idk either, you asked for the mentions you got them.
Without further ado, presenting the BAFTA Awards 2024:
I am busy drawing out the neckline stitches of Crowley's wedding dress, when I am reminded of the stream and I crash into it midway. Little do I know what I am getting into.
Everyone is here for David Tennant. No one is here for the actual awards. This is made very clear very quickly.
KNEES. JUST KNEES. ALL EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT, THROUGHOUT THE STREAM, IS DAVID TENNANT'S KNEES. ARE YOU ALL OKAY WHAT THE FRESH HELL.
For context, David is in a kilt for the first half. I finally see why my relatives disapprove of skirts above knee-length. I never knew humanity's unholy worship of knees till I came here.
SOMEONE ASKS IF DAVID HAS TANNED HIS KNEES. MAGGOTS. PLEASE.
We interrupt our regular scheduled program of David knees to have an intense discussion about British versus French humour, and the misgendering of croissants.
RDJ wins an award and calls his wife his Alpha and Omega.
We're back to the knees. I can't handle how slutty David's knees are, says a worthy maggot.
This goes into a discussion about tickets for David's Macbeth, because, you guessed it, the kilt and the knees.
A lot of gorgeous and talented women in the BAFTAs tonight. I am floored.
I am not allowed to dwell in my awe because the chat is not a place of the lord. Curtain calls of Macbeth are discussed with unnecessary lasciviousness.
Thankfully, in the midst of this, I get a great Zodiac pattern reference for Crowley's wedding dress cummerbund. I was going to have to research the night sky for star charts but this is better.
People show their beautiful brainrot-induced Doc Marten purchases.
The knee thirst has moved into X-rated territory. I am terrified.
A song is sung in memory of film industry people who passed away this year, and people are sad about Dumbledore but at the same time are imagining Aziraphale and Crowley dancing to the song. The brainrot is real.
I accidentally spoil Saltburn's freakshow for someone. When I ask how I can make up for it, they say something about GOAD. I'm alarmed. Is that an OnlyFans, I ask. It's Good Omens After Dark, the chat answers. Is THAT an OnlyFans, I ask. Close enough, the chat says.
David has now changed outfits to a suit, which finally makes people pay attention to the BAFTAs, if only to alternatively thirst over the suit and bemoan the loss of knees.
Things, uh, happen, which I will have to include as quotes in another post. Cheers, @thearoacemess and @vitrilol.
Barty Crouch Jr is debated about as the Wolfstar child. Bratty Crouch Jr is said to be Crowley.
I obtain a banana, which I associate with blowjobs.
@thearoacemess talks about someone deepthroating a seven-inch banana without a hitch.
The stream does a flashback to the kilt time. It is a mistake. @queermarzipan barrels in and is being too slutty about the knees.
I tell them they need jesus, and they yell about how they've gone to mass twice today and they're an atheist.
Thankfully, @vitrilol starts chanting about the glory of Ireland. The only thing that will distract Marzipan from David Tennant is Ireland.
He proceeds to start screech-singing in all caps.
🎵IRELAND IIIRELAND TOGETHER STANDING TALLLL.🎵
The BAFTAs end. People are still thirsting over David Tennant.
🎵I KNOW YOU'RE MISSING HOME IT'S SO LONG SINCE YOU'VE BEEN🎵
Uh, more dubious things about David, suits and the absence of said suits are discussed. I'm trying my damndest not to notice.
🎵AND THE LIFE YOU HAD IN DUBLIN NOW AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A DREAM🎵
There is accidental Mascot lore: I am apparently from a different timeline (I mixed up timeline and timezone) and that's how Apollo deposited me in an illegal sushi restaurant where I became Neil Gaiman and Michael Sheen's intellectual child.
I am compared to a cat.
TOM HIDDLESTON AND DAVID TENNANT WERE IN THE STAGED-LIKE THING IN THE BEGINNING AHAHAHAHAH LOKI AND CROWLEY MY TWO CELESTIAL GENDERFLUID ICONS.
OKAY so I will end the summary here and make a list of out of context quotes in a new post. Because. Boy oh boy. That deserves its own post.
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ning2lilac · 3 months
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SUPER SHY; PARK JISUNG
MASTERLIST
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PAIRINGS: park jisung x fem!reader
TAGS: slow burn, fluff, humour, college au, smau, a lot of chenle’s pov too, both characters are shy 😔
SYNOPSIS: Chenle is tired of his friend being the shyest (he actually says “lamest”) person on earth, so he takes matters into his own hands and starts the mission to get him a girlfriend. However, there is one problem: the girl he considers to be the perfect choice is just as shy as him, so he will have to find a way.
WARNINGS: maybe suggestive humour
UPDATES: Mondays and Tuesdays
comment if you want to be added to the taglist (not sure I will make one)
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CHAPTERS
0. characters
CHAPTER 01: I am not that lame
CHAPTER 02: girls I’m tired of this
CHAPTER 💫 park jisung’s woman mission by zhong chenle
CHAPTER 03: what’s his zodiac sign?
CHAPTER 04: introvert wants introvert
CHAPTER 05: the livie
CHAPTER 06: jisung?
CHAPTER 07: the answer is no…or maybe
CHAPTER 08: who is this???
CHAPTER 09: your mother
CHAPTER 10: 20 questions
CHAPTER 11:
CHAPTER 12:
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