my favorite movie.

Anastasia.

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

I’ve been stuck in my head about past mistakes lately, and this was definitely what I needed to be reminded of…

You can't go home again

A therapist told me that the desire to accumulate items from your childhood, or even buy your childhood home, represent a kind of grief and loss. In my mother's case, she insisted that I leave my childhood items at home to 'keep them safe' - and then she used them against me. She ultimately threw them all out, especially the ones from my grandmothers, or the ones I bought myself with kid-labor money. I grieved the loss for a long time. She and my aunts made sure I had nothing of my grandmother's except photos, and I held onto those despite being asked to 'share' - give them to my extended family.

I looked and found my childhood home is on the market. It's been changed into a colorless trendy box for storing people. Everything is grey, white, or beige. There is nothing left of the place it was when Gran lived there, filled with color and art, lively and graceful - built by an impoverished WW1 refugee girl from Scotland who came up struggling, and was robbed and railroaded by her own kids.

It's to be expected. The safety was illusory, the comfort tenuous, and the bad memories - now that I am an adult and Mom is dead - outweigh the good memories. I miss objects associated with good memories, but they are dispersed and will never find them. The memories, good and bad, go with me still.

I did correct some of the information. The home was built in 1969, not 1972. We moved in that August - the deed is still in Mom's things. There were no numbers on the homes pre-911. It was the green house on the south side of the street between the vacant lot and the Colonial era stone bridge. Gran's gardening efforts are still there in the hedges, the flowering dogwood, the array of tulips and daffodils, hydrangea and apple trees.

Maybe that's the memory I want to take with me the most.

You are not the trauma you were made too go through and it was never your fault and never will be.

guidance of night (31/12/2022)tarot & oracle

as you know I'm going through a really uncool moment, at the start of the year, I even cried about it in the metro, I said to myself another shitty year, what am I going to do, it's not really January 2023 (it is 8:54 p.m. French time)

tonight i'm all alone (again for new year's) i thought to myself i need some emotional strength or i'm not gonna make it, so i took my tarot cards and i asked for a collective message.

We start with the thread of destiny oracle:

paradox: it feels like being in the hollow of a wave, swimming, swimming and swimming again, but when will fate let us breathe, rest, find our land of rest? especially since we have the shadow still hanging over our heads, will we succeed? I do not believe it anymore ! here are all the phrases that come to mind. However, we have the truth, the transformation with the butterfly, but we have the image of a leaf = versatility, letting ourselves be carried by the wind which will take us to our final destination? maybe ! we end with 2 compassion cards (beauty and being gentle with yourself and patience also with the turtle, our races are well settled and we are moving forward too. At the back of the deck, we have soul work = our soul simply works with the bee, it follows its path with its honey, it reaps the fruits of its labor.

With cerle de femme here are our sentences: - spring: welcome what comes your way. - Power: when your mind is clear and peaceful your strength will carry you - summer: let your soul shine

with the oracle of energies: we have the angel of love, a cure is there, a possible meeting is there too if you learn to let go and let the universe do its job, focus on your projects, careers or goals.

even if you don't see, your life is growing, he may have financial problems, take a step back from this situation, know that better days are coming for you with the door card to value

Others imply that they know what it is like to be depressed because they have gone through a divorce, lost a job, or broken up with someone. But these experiences carry with them feelings. Depression, instead, is flat, hollow, and unendurable. It is also tiresome. People cannot abide being around you when you are depressed. They might think that they ought to, and they might even try, but you know and they know that you are tedious beyond belief: you are irritable and paranoid and humorless and lifeless and critical and demanding and no reassurance is ever enough. You’re frightened, and you’re frightening, and you’re ‘not at all like yourself but will be soon,’ but you know you won’t.

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

Hayle! :)

I am proud to talk and advocate about my disorder and I channel a LOT of my mental health healing thru my art. I have been in therapy since I was about 20yrs old, and I’m finally reaching the near end of the therapy road at my current age of 32.

Hayle emerged from my brain at around 13. He is not my first alter but he is one of my most treasured. On moments when thoughts of self-harm and worse became too overwhelming, he appeared to comfort and calm me, to just help me get thru today, to just get to tomorrow.

I’m always open for questions about dissociative identity disorders and subtypes because I want people to understand that the TV trope of people with DID as “evil” or mean spirited people is just not true. We are fragile, fragmented beings who never even KNEW what safety looked like in childhood. We were abused at young ages, most of us before we could even talk. These fragments such as Hayleos is the reason I’m alive. I stopped running away from that reality at 28 and my diagnosis at that time exponentially changed me in a positive direction. I finally felt validation for the first time that no, I’m not crazy. I’m just a little different. 💗

Shout-out to the addict that is still suffering. Contact me if you want to get clean!! I will help you every step of the way.

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You are not your past, you are the person that you chose too be today.

also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.

there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.

you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.

but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.