Quiet whispered words in the dark.
Six Sexy Words
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It's not that she dont want help. Yes she might say that she dont need it. But sometimes, although she desperately want it, she choose to do it by herself. Because thats what she's used to. You see, when somebody's used to doing everything by themselves, they might find it really hard to accept any sort of help, no matter how much they want to. So even though she might say that she dont need it, she might still want it.
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So, thus far, we know that Michael's nicknames for David are:
1. Dai (Welsh pet name for David that also means "beloved.")
2. The Thin Dark Duke
...I love that these nicknames are so personal and so uniquely Michael. I love how they speak perfectly to the way he sees David, and to the relationship between them. Intimate. Sensual. So full of thought and feeling (because of course Michael would have a Welsh nickname for David, since both are so close to his heart). Nicknames that show how everything about David--body and soul--has filled Michael's senses and utterly enchanted him.
Now if only we could find out what David's nickname is for Michael. Other than "emotional support pet," of course...
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Could John start hurting himself in trial 3?
TW FOR SELF HARM
So I’ve got a lot of theories for trial 3 and stuff but this is the one I want to talk about first since it was the one that stuck out to me most yet I haven’t seen people talking about the possibility
I actually wrote about this theory quite a while ago which I’ll just link to but I definitely do think it’s very likely but hasn’t been discussed much.
For a brief summary of the post I made it’s a theory on how John may have self harming desires but doesn’t physically hurt himself as he’s afraid of hurting Mikoto. Basically it’s how the reason why Mikoto’s clothes are so tattered is because John has been ripping them apart in another way to harm himself but not physically hurt Mikoto. Heck, there’s very clearly bite marks on the clothes so I highly doubt it was from the fight with Kotoko. And as well as just ripping his clothing it probably explained the breakdowns John is said to have at night especially in that one minigram where Es heard on it and there was a lot of crashing sounds and stuff breaking, even ripping sounds which definitely matches with what I was saying. So John does all of this in a method to self harm as a stress reliever but not physically harm Mikoto.
So here’s the trial 3 theory. As of recently Mikoto has stopped denying John’s existence as everything he’s seen in heard it’s just too much for him to deny anymore. And instead of that he’s began to hate John so much and blame him for every bad thing that’s happened, even going as far to blame him for what happened to Mahiru even though it was very clearly Kotoko’s fault. And with John, he loves Mikoto. Dedicates his entire existence to him and despite all the constant trauma and suffering he’s endured the only thing that keeps him going is the possibility that Mikoto will love him and praise him for saving him.
“Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying?
Cling to me, hoist me up as your "savior", stand up and sing out your gratitude, that'd be good.”
Judging by these lyrics, it seems John is somewhat aware that Mikoto is denying his help but still wants to believe it. Even Neoplasm he says how Mikoto’s entrusting him with his heart, which can either be he doesn’t fully know about the hatred or is denying it. But what I’m really worried about is how much Mikoto loathes John in trial 3 and what he could do.
As I said earlier John dedicates his existence to Mikoto and I couldn’t explain how John may feel after he would realise his hatred for Mikoto aside from his entire existence being denied. I already discussed this in another theory but for John to so deeply love Mikoto and dedicates everything to protecting him and only holding on with the possibility of approval and being told he did a good job, only to be met with unimaginable hatred from the person who he idealises as someone who could never hate anyone must be devastating on so many levels for John and… you can tell where I’m getting at here.
So what would happen next? Could perhaps John feel so betrayed by Mikoto that he could go to actually physically hurting himself out of conflicting feelings around Mikoto? Loving him like that but feeling so betrayed and hurt that he just tries not to care about Mikoto any more and harms himself out of both previously established coping mechanisms and spite?
It’s hard to tell here, as John is one of those characters who it’s very hard to predict what would happen next so who knows what he might do. I just believe this may be the most likely based off things that have been implied and established.
And just to address a potential elephant in the room is I highly doubt John would disappear in trial 3. That’s not how it works, and just because Mikoto may not be Guilty any more doesn’t mean he would be relieved from all stress so John definitely would still have his purpose. And I think it’s most likely why John claimed that he would disappear was that he believed Es hated him and wanted him gone, so he claimed that he would disappear if Mikoto were to be voted Innocent as a way to sway Es to that verdict. And there are lines such as “I’ll play dead even if I’m alive right?” And “can’t get rid of me now” that definitely imply that he will stay or perhaps pretend to go dormant which perhaps would be interesting as we’ve seen him masking as Mikoto in the minigrams before so it would be interesting if he does that in trial 3 perhaps. And side note even though this is kinda cheating theory wise but it would be stupid to remove John from the story like that so uhhh.
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I hate that people have the audacity to hug my body
when they discard my words as if they're nothing.
Sometimes people are far away, so your voice doesn't reach them, but sometimes they are so much close that it dies before even coming out.
People want to be somebody to someone, but I want to be a nobody to everyone,
so that I can be somebody to myself.
Source: @areebianights
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In the dark, a whisper heard.
Six Sexy Words
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i hide behind daydreams
because i’m afraid of the truth my pain brings.
sippin on the things i never had,
how can i give away this pain
when it has become so integral to me?
i got nothing else in me,
might as well take away my dreaming.
cuz when i feel peeled back
and exposed,
i hide myself in fantasies
coated in dark chocolate;
i can’t help that it feels like sugar in me.
it’s what is familiar;
i’m reverting,
and a part of me does not care that it’s subverting
a flavor that has become bitter over the years—
tasty nonetheless.
this is what i’ve been avoiding;
the permeability of my thoughts,
hanging on a thread
of every word you say,
sweet and violent delights
gone bad.
i thought poetry was my gateway
to healing,
but my fear that one cares about i have to say
sours whatever’s left of my aims.
what if i move this way,
or touch upon my pain in that way?
will that reveal its true purpose?
or is it all just
honey glazed in malaise?
it’s true.
decades of candy
can make the brain rot;
it’s a curse to feel it all so deeply.
thought it was raining candy drops,
when in reality it’s been raining mercury .
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