#without sounding autistic as hell. You don’t. You can’t
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hyperfixations are just soooo fucking cringe like what do you mean my thoughts have been consumed by the sims 4 vampire man from the sims 4 vampires for 5 yrs. how do i explain this to people at my grown age. the answer is you dont
#whenever someone is like what are your hobbies? :)#and i tell them well… i like to write…#bc how do you say Actually i’ve dedicated my heart and soul to my vladislaus straud webcomic as god intended#without sounding autistic as hell. You don’t. You can’t#i bet nobody can even tell i am autistic i’m so subtle about it
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Ahhhhhh, I’m so in love with your Fae au, you have no idea (your Cowboy Au as well but the Fae au is what I’m primarily focusing on at this moment). And I just….I must ask…..CHANGELINGS!!!! What are changelings like in your au? (It’s one of my favorite creatures and I’m just dying to know what you think of them and AHHHHHH, now I’m rambling, sorry). Also, can I be ☀️ Anon or is that already taken?
Hello Sun!! I have no emoji anons so feel free to take it! I look forward to seeing more of you.
Changelings are one of my favorite pieces of fae myth! They occupy a really important space in verbal/story telling history as part of the "why is my kid like that™️?" genre. I have my own thoughts on what changelings were meant to discuss and serve as a vehicle for, but I will save them for another day.
More importantly they do exist in this au! Neither of our current darlings will be saddled with one, but König's Darling would be able to identify them since she can see the fae to a certain degree. So I'm going to use her as the victim of babysitting a fae child, and also do a little cameo of one of my OCs. So without further ado:
It looks like a human toddler. You stare down at it, half way through flipping your shop sign to open. It stares up at you. Its little pointed ears and tail are almost cute, the thorny teeth it smiles at you with not so much. How did it get here? More importantly, what the hell are you supposed to do with it? Do you call the police and report a found baby monster?
König would know what to do. The thought is hardly in your head before sound and syllables form on your lips. You don't even hear what you're saying, it’s like a ringing in your ears, but you barely get through half before his hand covers your mouth and his arm wraps around your waist. You can feel König's smile against the shell of your ear before he nuzzles against your neck, nose pressing to your pulse.
"You called me!" he says, giddy. You didn't even realize that was what you were doing. You try to speak against his hand, but it comes out terribly muffled. "Ah," he laughs, removing his hand, "Pardon me."
"Who's goddamn baby is that?" You ask again. You feel all of König's attention shift to follow your pointing finger. Then his mask falls clothed and heavy against your shoulder, obscuring his face.
"Is it yours?" He asks, his fingers splay wide against your stomach, the tips of them starting to sink under your skin. "Ah but that would make it mine too-" you won't dignify that with a response, "-not yours then."
You glance at König, what you can see of him at least. His eyes stare wide and hungry down at the thing, you can tell he’s drooling under the mask even without seeing it. Goddammit, you can’t let him eat this kid. You smack at his hand where it has -you shiver and try not to think about it- until he lets you go. Then you scoop up the tiny thing and bounce it against your hip. It smells like baby powder, and roses.
Your temporary baby is quiet and watchful on your hip as you putter around the store helping customers, König never far out of reach. You think he’s… worried? About you and the baby monster, weird vibes from him today. The kid isn’t too bad though, sort of reminds you of your autistic niece when she was its age. It’s almost lunch when an impeccably dressed woman comes through the door and glances around the shop.
The baby monster reacts immediately. Screaming at the top of its little lungs so loudly that König’s hands clap over your ears. Thankfully the rest of the shop is fairly empty, but the woman fixes her eyes on it, and you. It’s not a large shop but you’re still shocked by how quickly she crosses it and plucks the baby from your hands. She has petals all over her face, and her eyes are just on the wrong side of too big, she’s pretty if unsettling to look at. She grabs your hand and you don’t have time to tell her no before she ignores your curling fingers and presses her lips to your palm.
“As payment for watching my child,” She smiles, and you’re glad to see that thorn teeth are genetic. You’re more happy when she leaves.
You and König stare down at the heavy seed in your hand.
“We are not planting that,” he says.
“Done and done, I’m not looking to turn this place into the little shop of horrors.”
“You look cute with a baby.”
“Not happening.”
#☀️ anon#Konig staring at the baby: I want one#Darling: to eat?#Konig: eye emoji#Darling: please say to eat#fae!konig#konig x reader#konig mw2#konig x you#reader x konig#cod x reader
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Korekiyo x Autistic!Oblivious!Reader
✨female pronouns are used✨
Korekiyo and Y/N are sitting on a bench together, watching the leaves fall from the trees.
Y/N starts to point at some of the leaves. “Look at that one, Kiyo!!! It’s red! And that one! It’s orange!!!” Y/N happily giggles and stims by clapping her hands. Korekiyo laughs. “Yes, I think they’re very pretty t—“ he gets interrupted bc he notices that Y/N has Kiyo in a gentle embrace. He blushes like crazy.
“Y-Y/N? This is a-a little unexpected.” Korekiyo says as he secretly grins. “I got cold because I forgot my jacket back at the Academy. At least I have my anime hat though. A-And it gave me an excuse to give you a hug. I… I needed warmth.”
Korekiyo is speechless for a moment. Then slowly wraps his arms around Y/N. Y/N giggles.
A particularly powerful breeze flows, causing Korekiyo’s hat to fly away. “Hey, wind, give that back!!! That’s my boyfriend’s hat! Not yours..! Gimme the hat!” Y/N yells, chasing after the hat. People start to stare at Y/N, but she doesn’t even notice.
Korekiyo watches Y/N chase after the hat and is amused. “This is so amusing… seeing her chase down my hat. I have never seen her do something like this before. I hope she doesn’t get herself injured. Last week, she tripped going up the stairs to visit me and her knee was bruised for a while. Kirumi would often ask about the bruise until she noticed that it was gone.”
✨time to switch to Y/N✨
“Hmmm, I remember seeing the hat fly this way, but I don’t see it.” She looks around and finds it hanging on a tree branch. “Ah, perfect! Now how the hell am I supposed to climb this damn tree?! I’ll try to reach for the branch to shake the hat off.”
She tries reaching for it and quickly gives up. Y/N then starts jumping in the air, in hopes of grabbing onto the tree to get this hat onto the ground.
✨switch to Korekiyo✨
“It’s been a long time, surely she’d be back now? I should’ve gone with her to help. I suppose I should go look for her.” Korekiyo stands up and starts to look around.
A person sees Korekiyo. “Man, did you see that stupid girl yelling at the wind? Like, who does that?” They say with a smug expression.
“That ‘stupid girl’ you were mentioning is my GIRLFRIEND. She is very smart, I’ll have you know. She’s unique and very sweet. In fact, the only stupid person…. is YOU.” Korekiyo menacingly responds with his eyes literally glowing.
“Ugh, you’re creepy, I’m walking away now so you don’t, like, put a curse on me or something.” The person responds, sounding annoyed and defeated.
Korekiyo sighs and goes back to looking for his girlfriend. He can hear a faint “hey, tree, drop that hat!!!” in the distance. He softly chuckles to himself. “There she is.”
He continues to walk closer to her and starts to smile. “There you are, dearest. I’m sorry, I should’ve went with to you to get my—“ he realizes that Y/N isn’t hearing him and she keeps yelling at the hat and keeps jumping. “I gotta get this hat!!! I promised!!!”
He walks up to her and smiles and laughs a bit on the inside. ‘She’s so cute.’ He thinks to himself and just effortlessly shakes the tree branch, causing the hat to fall while Y/N jumps up and grabs the hat. “YES!!! Got the hat! Now time to get back to— KOREKIYO??” She runs towards him, happily crying and joyfully tackles him to the ground.”
Like this:
“I tried my best to get the hat, I really did!! I missed you! Sorry it took so long to catch your hat… I really suck at looking for things and I tend to get a little stupid and yell at things that can’t even talk, like… hats… and trees… and… the wind.” She covers her face in embarrassment.
Korekiyo blushes and laughs. “Y/N, dearest, it’s alright. I promise. I’m not upset with you or anything. You have actually made me really happy. Your determination knows no bounds.”
Y/N is quiet and starts to actually cry. “Kiyo, I… I’m so stupid… I do stupid things without even realizing it. I know I just said that, but I just realized how dumb I can be.” She sits on the ground and nervously starts to stim.
“My dear, you’re not stupid, you’re the smartest person I know. Your eyes sparkle when you’re talking about your favorite things. It always makes me happy. I love to see you infodump about things.” He pulls her into a gentle embrace. “Can we go back home? It’s getting more chilly and I heard that a new fireplace was installed. I… would like to drink some hot cocoa and sit in front of the fireplace. Best thing is that it’s indoors.” Y/N asks, wiping the tears from her face.
Korekiyo puts his hat back on his head and nods. “Let’s go home. This fireplace you keep mentioning sounds nice.”
Eventually the two make it home. “Is it alright if I prepare some cups of warm lavender tea? It looks like you’re mentally exhausted. And lavender tea may help you. I’ll prepare it the way you like too!” Korekiyo asks. Y/N nods and smiles.
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Born “gifted”; grown chronically depressed
// long, personal post. basically a tutorial on express therapy (and by express I mean 10 years of rationalising, learning psychology on myself and fictional characters + 48 hours of not sleeping)
When I was grieving I spent 48 hours sleepless
it’s not that I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been on insomnia medication for 3 years now.
I just had to “have a reason” and time to actually acknowledge my emotion and thoughts which caused my body to struggle with setting a “proper” circadian rhythm
Living with a 5 person family in basically a studio flat for 13 years of my life low-key harmed my ability to think and “feel” without privy eyes
this accidentally sent my brain into survival mode where I could only “think rationally” at night
So when we moved out and I got to have a room of my own
that’s when *serious* sleep problems started
my brain would just REFUSE to shut the fuck up
first off I was used to tv noise while falling asleep
i fixed it up with some rain sounds or watching ATLA when I was feeling funky
it distracted me enough
still I wouldn’t fucking sleep.
because my brain didn’t feel like it
probably hyperactivity which I could never “treat” with sport as an asthmatic kid
also an outcast but it is what it is
unable to name the cause of my insomnia I would just head to sleep at 10pm. Two reasons for that:
a) you know what they say! Don’t trust your thoughts after 10PM
b) 8h of sleep is THE healthy amount. And it seems like my brain likes waking up early for whatever reason!
yeah also I went through a fair share of medication before they got it right
anyways whoops I’m depressed now. Very depressed and even more anxious. Day by day my brain is giving me more compulsive behaviours and thoughts! Yaaay!
so I went through a 3 years worth of antidepressants
also a lot of unintended research (thanks, tiktok.)
basically I “subconsciously” KNEW what my problem is but “consciously” my brain refused I acknowledge it because haha living in the state of constant survival mode is way more fun!
right?
right?
basically it was like being a doctor and being pretty certain about the diagnosis but having to go to some other doctor to objectively either confirm or discard my diagnosis
yeah anyways I changed medication, SNRI, venlafaxine
known to help some adhd folk with severe vegetative depression for “no reason”
Yeah basically my new psychiatrist kept on upping the dose until I got “a kick in the ass” so we know it works
and then my aunt died.
wELL my workaholic and emotionally constipated child brain would NOT acknowledge it
hell you’d catch me dead before I’d admit that I felt shitty but didn’t know how to deal with that because at the same time I “saw it coming”
No one ever told me she’s sick
I just saw her hair loss (or rather a sudden haircut change and awkward silence that followed) and had some foggy memory of someone saying her sister died of cancer
Mind you I don’t fucking remember my childhood that well
hell I don’t remember it at all but it is what it is
I just “know” some things and some are more of a “hunch”
I have this information buried in my brain but I can’t recall how it got there, ykwim?
yeah basically I was suspecting she’s dying of cancer but I was trying to stay optimistic and told myself I’m “overthinking it”
and I thought the mourning was “good enough of a reason” to stay up for 48 hours, write down my “thoughts” and wail all day long (yes, everyone gave me shit for crying growing up, how did you know?)
anyways yeah I did this and suddenly I “solved” the root of ALL my anxieties and minor paranoias.
as if it was a fucking riddle. Or a fucking house MD episode.
I hope you can understand WHY I’m so livid.
I SPENT OVER 3 YEARS ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND MADE ONE THERAPIST CRY JUST BECAUSE MY BRAIN WENT SO FAR INTO THE SURVIVAL MODE EVERY TIME I INTERACTED WITH A HUMAN BEING. IM JUST FUCKING AUTISTIC AND TRAUMATISED NOT “ANXIOUS” AND “PARANOID”
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE
Also I’m fucking dyslexic. But hyperlexic at the same time. I mean I’m hyperlexic in my native language, and I “remember” the spellings so I went undiagnosed
but I love technology. I want to be a CS student and then I’ll see where I can go from here. I’d love to work on an online learning platform for “gifted” children
y’know so they don’t lose their childhood but at the same time can associate learning with something nice and actually enjoyable
I think a lot of “gifted kid burnout” comes from the | dopamine <—> habit making | mechanism
so if children can learn they don’t HAVE TO be good at every subject and learn their “strengths and weaknesses” early on
Hardships later on won’t be as depressing
cause hey maybe I’m not the best at english but I know a lot about maths and I like maths and maybe when I grow older I can be a mathematician!!
you see what I mean?
at least this is what I’m trying to do for myself
generational trauma and neurodivergency running in the family made me develop some shitty coping mechanisms (example - perfectionism in order to cope with my actual time blindness and the “need” for structure while hating organisation and refusing “unreasonable” authority)
I wasn’t raised catholic, not really
nor was I raised queer lol
but my brain reacted to religion the same way people who went through religious trauma did
basically I put myself through religious trauma on accident!
fun, aye?
what I mean is, I grew up religious because that’s what “felt right”
tradition and all that
and then I realised the catholics hate me for no fucking reason
and then I thought “well fuck you too!” And called myself an atheist
later it went into agnostic
and a couple of weeks back I grew OBSESSED with religion
christian one I mean
Fuck I even started reading the nsrv bible in english (!)
and then I tried to interpret it “by myself” using some historical context and googling some stuff
WHAAAAAAAT! Turns out the bible is a product of its own time and is not to be taken literally!
That’s crazy innit?
Yeah and then I realised all of my recent hyperfixations (last two years) were a silent ways of rationalising ALL my “unreasonable” anxiety and trauma caused by; you guessed it
NOT UNDERSTANDING SYMBOLISM AND SOCIAL CUES AS IT IS
IN MY NATIVE FUCKING LANGUAGE
I can learn *any* language
I just need some books, movies, music in said language
But don’t ask me about any grammar. I don’t care about grammar. And you can’t make me. Idfk what present simple is but I can shove it so far up your ass your own mother won’t recognise you.
so yeah
I’m great at learning languages cause they’re a “brainless” work for me
I mean
I learn languages for fun - it’s a tool to communicate with broader audience AND find more knowledge on the internet (I Google EVERYTHING in english)
and when someone tries to make it into an actual job of mine. This is when it goes downhill.
also english being coded as “language of knowledge” is my “main” language
my native language is way more complicated and I never really had to acknowledge my emotion in polish
I mean maybe I did but I just never wanted to cause I never learned that! English in comparison is simple. It allows me to communicate simple ideas without the need to “sound smart”
this and isolation from my peers (kids are bastards) gave me an actual “language barrier”
which isn’t the case really
it was just my overthinking
I started enjoying polish music way more recently cause I can never get the lyrics
so I listen only to what sounds “cool”
in english on the other hand the most of my music taste was built around midwestern emo and folk punk
cause I listened only to songs that felt “somewhat relatable”
yeah all of that understanding makes me want to write an essay but i kind of don’t care and I’m too lazy to do that!
so yeah this is how I “cured” my compulsions, anxiety, depression, irritability and perfectionism.
By having fucking adhd and being a massive nerd.
because I would hyperfixate on linux, customisation, open source applications, cybersecurity, programming
turns out I’m great at maths since I KNOW HOW to solve the problems
My brain is just too quick to do it step by step so I tend to skip and get lost in my own fuckin notebook 💀
schooling just made me believe I suck at maths and i should actually kms for trying to improve at it /hj /lh
And I suck at my own language. I know a lot of “complicated” words and can deduce what certain words mean (logically) but I have issues adapting my language to my listeners. I either cuss every other word (too comfortable; thanks mom LMFAO)
Or I speak like an university professor. To my peers. And they don’t know what the fuck is going on. And I end up isolating myself because of crippling fear of being misinterpreted. And people think I don’t have a sense of humour whatsoever because I don’t “get” jokes. But I joke a lot and am very sarcastic cause that’s just how I am. God damn it
When were y’all going to tell me not everyone thinks I want to use them and be a bastard overall when I need to ask someone for help.
when. were. you.
icb I had to go to paid therapy, feed myself some subliminal messaging, deprive myself of sleep for 48 hours, force myself to talk to my dad about things I don’t understand or scare me, go manic for a week on venlafaxine, my aunt had to die and I had to have a reason not to go to school for 2 days for me to actually acknowledge my emotion instead of rationalising it.
also everyone in school + my therapist thinks I’m still manic and in need of hospitalisation. How do I even begin to explain it’s not that I have superiority complex, and I just realised I’m hella smart, just in a pretty unexpected way….. because thorough my entire life I never acknowledged it for the sake of being “humble”. bitch it’s not humble it’s the lack of self worth and being someone else’s doormat.
y’all think that if I say “house md and one tumblr post cured me” they’ll let me off the radar?
no honestly I have too much to catch up on (maths, c++, reading in POLISH, and learning German for fun) to actually care about “depressing” things of this world
I mean sure it does sound unhealthy in hindsight
but thing is
this is the first time in my life where I don’t feel hopeless both about present AND the future
and I guess that’s enough for now
I have “a goal” and that’s enough
Later I might catch a job as an actual university professor. Maths or computer science. Biology or physics maybe?
it gives me an excuse to be “eccentric” lol
cause the students are here to learn not to make fun of who I am and focus on that
sure it’s a funny anecdote to mention like “dude my physics teacher is fucking nuts but at least his lectures are interesting”
and that’s all I care about
I get to express myself instead of internalising anything
and the students get to learn
yay and yay
mutual benefit!
yeah anyway fuck I have so much shit to catch up on and I’m so lazy I actually have to reorganise my room and desk so I don’t try to do my homework in bed……. (Yes I was THAT depressed and lazy)
when I do my chores in bed I keep on losing my pens and I’m one minor inconvenience away from doing something I might not particularly want to do…….
yah
thats it I guess
If this post made anyone realise something (“connect some dots”)
congrats and I’m sorry you had to find out this way LMFAO
if not
scroll ahead, not the target audience probably
#neurodiversity#gifted kid burnout#mental health#txt#long post#personal#also you’re not “evil” but possibly have some developmental trauma. Probably. Who am I to judge. Have fun with the realisation!#hate crimes md#don’t take this too seriously#Im the last person I would take actual advice from#🦐🦐
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Answering your questions and comments! Pt2
This is for most of the anon questions I got!
I actually haven’t considered that! Part of me wanted to say accents aren’t a thing in Unova, but then I remembered the infamous nugget bros...and their catchphrase “nuggetabout it!” It just makes me wish every single character in Unova was heavily accented in all variations. But to answer the question, I haven’t given it any thought at all so I can’t say!
I’ve answered this before I think? But my point remains the same. My art of them features them exclusively in a platonic way!
However, I don’t mind the ships, and I don’t mind people seeing it in such a way. I get comments all the time where people joke about “Elesa and her two malethings + her gf Skyla” Hell even I joke about it sometimes. But it’s all in good fun.
I love all this Ramses love. He IS the best and you’re both 100% correct!!
wags finger. this is inappropriate behavior.
I don’t have a discord server (don’t plan to make one) but I share a space with my partner in their vtuber server! It’s a place where we share our work, promote ourselves and others, and chat a lot about fandom stuff. If you’re interested in joining, send me a DM!
OUghguUGHhh thank youuu.
OKAY. I’ll be cynical for a second: From what I’ve noticed (this is a small observation, not a factoid) I think a lot of submas fans are new to Pokemon…so are maybe not used to gamefreak being huge disappointments yet. 😩 in my experience, they tend to drop lore or plot points and then ignore them for years.
I have no expectations for the sake of not getting my hopes up for nothing. ;-; though, it would be wonderful considering the themes. Even a subtle nod would make the submas tag trend on twitter without a doubt LOL
Wuahh…thank youuu…i love drawing… LOVE !!
EEEEE! I haven’t had the chance to draw up more big gay unovan family stuff yet, but Im glad its enjoyable to other gen 5 lovers. I do love imagining all region characters knowing each other in some way. 🥰 everyone has differing opinions on ingo and emmet but they can agree unanimously they are little weirdos.
;-;)9 its what im here for,,,
I have a whole comic script written for it…very emotional…verrrrryyyyy…gestures familyyyyy themed. But ah, we’ll see if I ever get to it!!! Sitting atop my pile of unfinished projects.
AAAAAAaah I super appreciate this!!! You’re so sweet!! Thank you!!
I hope I can keep making you smile.. its a very big motivator… ;w;
YEAAAA GOOD GOOD GOOD. THAT WAS THE INTENTION. THATS CRAZY THAT YOU CAN HEAR IT TOO LOL like obviously its near impossible to make sounds with comics, but I’m glad THAT part got to your brain HAHA!!
Fellow burgh lover i see you, I understand you, and i respect you.
Hahah, I haven’t really given it much thought, but I genuinely believe that three of them are some of the toughest trainers in Unova. I would say they got far enough to reach victory road. The twins’ talent speaks for themselves being battle facility bosses, but Elesa is nothing to sneeze at either. Since i like to HC them as childhood friends, it only feels fitting that Elesa was not only able to keep up with the twins, but probably bested them several times.
Maybe some daaaayyy….i love Adaman’s design (even if wayyy to many of the charcters are wayyy to pale eeergh)
Im always thinkin to myself i need to have comic ideas in order to draw certain characters. But I forget I can just … draw them……without giving them a reason to be. SO maybe someday haha! Im glad you like the way I drew him though lol!
It’s not so much that its canon (don’t believe much has been confirmed about them except they are clown inspired and have receding hairlines) but it’s apparent and obvious. I would dare say it’s not even debatable, but with these sort of headcanons, you have to consider that the people that feel strongly about it are more likely autistic themselves and therefore know more about the subject.
I recommend reading posts by @/1863-project! They go into detail about every detail and honestly it’s allowed me to learn a lot about how to write the characters!
https://1863-project.tumblr.com/post/676301481415262208/ingo-and-emmet-are-both-autistic-and-i-will-die-on
He’d eat his hat, I think.
Any kinda ugly, kinda clashing patterns... Turtle necks, or long coats. Outfits that are different, but still kinda match.
OH eelektross jacket…..
Anything that says transman swag…lmaooo
Im not very fashion forward myself, but I try to have fun with it. And when I draw them, i have unspoken hc for when they dressed themselves or when Elesa had an opinion.
I did draw them doin the based ball once…
But honestly, I don’t particularly think any of them is huge on sports apart from maybe getting excited by extension.
Unless of courss battling considered a sport?
Personally. I don’t think either of them gets mad often. Frustrated, annoyed, and cranky maybe…but all the way angry?
Kind of interesting to think about. I’m unsure if I’d describe it as scary. More so intimidating because it’s so rare to witness!
I’m reminded of how passively Ingo handled Melli’s fuckery…his customer service voice fell back in time with him. It can be attributed to his politeness, but it certainly takes a great level of patience. So yeah, honestly, I think Ingo would never allow anyone to see him completely angry. Similarly for Emmet, even though he does tend to be more expressive.
As of today, my commissions are currently closed!! But i welcome all inquiries!
It feels nice and warm… ;-;
Ah…………that description is so sweet…….thank you!!
Sadly i did picture that twilight scene with edward and bella JNFNDN BUT THE SENTIMENT STILL STANDS.
Tis a very very cute thought!! She’ll adopt some of their train themed phrases..since some of them are technically puns. Heehee..
Indeed. 🐷
THANK YOUUU!!!! AAAAAAA!! Thank you so so much!! Sometimes i worry more about the writing than the art itself, so it means a lot!!
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Y’know it’s really disheartening that even asking where the strainer is/what there is to eat gets met with being called childish. Like, ma’am I am trying to learn the whereabouts of the strainer I didn’t need to be fucking attacked for never being taught life skills and getting a job by myself! I am only 19 and I was offered the job! Sure bio mom may be general manager so nepotism was a bit at play, but you make it sound like I could never get a job without that! I’m sure despite being autistic I could still get a job somewhere! It wouldn’t be easy that’s for sure, not in this economy, but I’d fucking do it.
Like fuck, guess it’s my fault that the time I was supposed to be learning those skills I was actively being neglected, recovering from that neglect, and trying to identify my traumas. My eating habits still aren’t stable. Better than before sure, but my weight still fluctuates a lot and never goes above 115lbs. Not even mentioning that I can’t eat anything before having a cosmic brownie bc my brain will not let me think of it as food since it wasn’t available to me back then but brownies were.
I know I’m not the smartest or the fastest learner but I know the basics of cooking, cleaning, and using the washing machine now. Do I remember to clean my room often? No. Do I remember to shower or brush my teeth often? No. Am I trying to do better/be better? Hell yes! I know when my parents die I’ll have to fend for myself. Sure maybe I’m not actively seeking to learn the skills I need, but it’s easy to slip into complacency if there’s nothing to motivate you. I’m not saying I’m perfect, I know I’m not, but my efforts being acknowledged would be nice.
Honestly nowadays it feels like asking questions and having to be reminded of things is a fucking crime.
Not to mention being told that asking where something is should only be done at a someone else’s house? Like what?? If your married and you don’t know where something is and your partner is home do you just not ask them?
Im not certain but I’m also pretty sure other people struggle with learning this towards the end of their highschool career/early adulthood without even being autistic.
Idk, I feel like I shouldn’t even be upset about this.
#sorry for the rant#venting#autism#living with adhd#living with autism#life skills#trauma#parental neglect#stepmom
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There’s a part of me that wants to explain the whole story of what he did to me but I don’t have the energy rn, I’ll probably do it another day
My assailant has autism, it’s the main reason that he got away with everything he did and it hurts because he has forever left a stain on the way I view autistic people and I hate it I can’t even stim in a similar way to him without thinking about him. They kept telling me that he didn’t know any better why the fuck didn’t you teach him better you knew it was happening you knew it was getting worse and he was getting more inappropriate with touching and you didn’t fucking care and I have so much anger towards him but I don’t know how much of it is ‘justified’ because I’ll never be inside his head and know exactly what he thought was happening I’ll never know what justification he had for his actions and he has irreversibly fucked with the way I perceive things and most days I can’t tell if I want to beat him into a pulp or worship the ground he walks on and I just wish someone had properly listened to me when I got assaulted and handled it accordingly instead of leaving me in 7 months of hell in which I was trapped in a portable with him, getting harassed regularly and turning to self harm and splitting another alter who’s sole job was to take the pain for the rest of us even though he is the sweetest person I know
Everyone spent so much time focusing on his perspective and I just wish that even just once they had considered mine
I hope you’re doing well, thanks for giving me a space that I feel safe in ❤️
-s
Hi s,
I'm sorry about what happened. It sounds like your assailant not only used autism as a crutch to abuse you, but so did the people around him. You felt not only disrespected but invisible and non-existent because your boundaries were routinely violated and nobody seemed to care. And because of this, it even caused you to split. Nobody deserves to go through that.
I know you probably know this but there is no justification for abuse, not even autism. I understand how this experience has affected how you feel around other autistics, perhaps even made some elements of autism triggering for you. But please consider that you and I, as autistics, are aware that autism should never be used as an excuse to abuse someone, and most other autistics would (and should) agree.
I had a similar issue with pwDID after my abuser (...faked it, he faked it okay) to deflect blame after taking advantage of me. I think something that connects that experience to this is how it can be really touchy to object to the shield that their disorder can often create around them. Like "how dare you hold this poor little meow meow accountable for his actions?! he's (insert disorder here) he doesn't know any better!1!" But so that experience gave me the wrong idea about pwDID, which is why I proceeded to do a ton of research and interview various systems, at which point I learned a lot about how my abuser used that disorder for his own advantage. And now as a questioning system, it's a little rough to explore my own mind knowing what happened, which I think also connects to how stimming can be triggering for you now.
I also just want to say that your anger is justified regardless of his motives or mindset. I know it's always frustrating not knowing what was going through your abuser's head, but at the end of the day, his intent is less important than his impact. He may have "meant well" or whatever, but he still caused you pain and suffering either way, and it doesn't erase that fact.
Hope I could help. You know I'm always here if you need anything, or if you have any comments about this!
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Supergirl Season 1 Episode 5 Review and Thoughts
K: Sounds like a woman that knows what she wants
…Do you know what women want Kara? Sounds kinda fruity
K talking about Lucy: She's gorgeous, she's smart, she smells nice. Hell I want to date her
Kara what the fuck
Poor Alex and her lesbian ass being left alone with Maxwell lord handsome bachelor man
Wow I hate the concept that a girl listening to a dude's romantic problems puts her in the friendzone. That makes no sense. My demiromantic ass does not relate at all
Ew not Maxwell coming onto Alex
Also what part of the government does anything to help people?? Girl what planet are you on
Ahhh the irony of Kara getting friend zoned by James and then Winn getting friendzoned by Kara
Fucking Lucy Lane calling out James’ crush on Clark
I do like this moment where Kara realizes that Lucy is just as vulnerable as she is. I appreciate that cus there's nothing worse than girls deciding they’re enemies just because they like the same person.
Okay not to laugh but I was not expecting Maxwell Lord's back story to be “When I was a kid my parents organs melted” lolol
K: I don't know anything about romantic love
*Me taking notes for my autistic headcanon*
I had to look it up. That kid does not look 12. When did children get so tall??
Episode 5 the first time Kara faces the moral dilemma of not being able to save someone:
I personally love stuff like this and its something we don’t talk about a lot anymore. But used to be a big part of coming of age stories geared towards boys. Usually a kid or young man who doesn’t understand the value of a life until he takes one away from someone. And then subsequently is overwhelmed by the gravity of their actions. For some reason we just don’t talk about that anymore?
But anyways! We don’t really talk about how this affects Kara beyond the fact that the man who dies low key leaves her a mystery. One that seems to tie back to Maxwell Lord. I hope that we do in the next episode, because again this is something very worth talking about. Especially in the grand scheme of a super hero’s journey. I remember during The Batman animated series, and in the Justice League animated series that when something of that scale happened.
It was of importance, because it showed that our heroes can’t save everyone. That when someone dies, even a stranger, they feel a deep responsibility to that person. Because it is their job to protect the people in their city. They are connected to each and every one of us. And yes its a massive savior complex, but its unusual to find a Hero without one. Its a part of why they don the mantel most of the time. And especially with Kara’s history with being sent to protect her baby cousin, you’d think that that would directly be projected onto National City.
But yeah I hope we talk about it more. Instead of just “It wasn’t your fault Kara” and moving on lickety split. This is a good moment to talk about Kara so I hope the writers use it.
K: So you can have it all?
C: Of course. Just not all at once or right away
Just a line I liked and obviously a bit of foreshadowing
I can dig Maxwell as an antagonist. A man too smart for his own good. Supergirl as a person is this massive mystery right on his front door. And isn’t it just a part of the whole super hero thing to have someone obsessed with discovering your true identity?
#supergirl#cw supergirl#kara danvers#kara zor el#text#textpost#tv show#episode review#episode thoughts#s1 ep5#season 1 thoughts#season 1 review
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The Entire Main Cast of Stranger Things are Autistic have some headcanons
El:
• Echolalia Echolalia Echolalia. Also a lot of verbal stimming in general.
• On the other hand, she tends to go nonverbal when she’s really stressed.
• Eggos taste the same all the time and that taste is pure deliciousness, most foods are either gross or change how they taste every time, therefore Eggos are the best food ever.
• Never makes the ‘right’ amount of eye contact - she either stares into your soul or can’t look at your face.
• Fluorescent lights are bad, both because of Hawkins Lab trauma (they used nothing but fluorescents) but also because they’re so damn loud.
• Shopping with Max was nice because a lot of clothes give her sensory problems and Max Got It so they found stuff that was pretty and comfy pretty easy.
• Plays white noise in the background a lot even if she’s not going into the void because it gives her ears something to do without being too loud so she can focus.
Mike:
• No, I don’t think it’s weird I dip my chicken nuggets in ice cream, why would it be? It tastes good.
• Routine good. Random interruptions bad. This has been a Mike Wheeler PSA.
• Constantly reads and re-reads his D&D books to fuel the special interest train.
• Always wore the same eight striped shirts and nothing else for like three years. Yes Mom I know I have more shirts these are just the GOOD ONES-
• What is sarcasm and how do you notice it. Hell if he knows.
• He also goes nonverbal when things are A Lot, he and El bonded over it.
• handflaphandflaphandflap
Will:
• I don’t care if my haircut is dumb looking Mike I’ve always had it it’s my haircut why would I change it-
• Special Interest in art, infodumps over family dinner, every desk he’s ever sat at has been covered in pencil doodles.
• Related to that, paint has a Good Texture, nice and squishy, finger painted all the time when he was a kid.
• Lonnie was predictably asshole-ish about it, Will doesn’t have a lot of obvious stims because he got used to hiding them, and it took him ages to feel comfortable stimming around the party even when the rest of them were.
• Has So Many Feelings about Everything and doesn’t know how to process them.
• Used to really like cold temperatures because sweat makes his skin sticky and gross. Not so much anymore, for obvious reasons.
• Doesn’t eat school lunches even when they don’t have food in the house for him to bring to school because it’s like playing roulette with his mouth.
Dustin:
• He can tell you what radio station played three Cindy Lauper songs in a row last week, the technical name for every part of an elephant’s body, and how to fix a completely smashed walkie talkie with duct tape and a prayer. He cannot tell you what he had for breakfast today.
• Lets Mews/Tews lay on his chest and purr, the fur and rumbles are a nice sensation.
• Waves his arms around whenever he talks because the point will be clearer if he gesticulates.
• Is the best of the original 4 party members at masking, which is why they declared him the Bard. He keeps trying to push it for way too long and getting exhausted, they’re working on it.
• Guess who hyperfixates on a different special interest every three months and has no control over it YOU DO YOU DO.
• Hyperfocus as well, sometimes doesn’t sleep because he just…forgets. He was busy re-reading The Hobbit for the seventeen billionth time, okay?
• The purring is a stim, do not question it.
Lucas:
• Subtlety is overrated, being as direct as possible is way more efficient.
• Doesn’t have as many issues as some of the others with lights and sound but he’s super sensitive to smells, he has to stand upwind from Steve at all times because his cologne is gross.
• Great gross motor skills, horrible fine motor skills. He‘s got amazing aim with the Wrist Rocket, but his handwriting looks like Norse runes and Jackson Polluck paintings had a baby.
• He doesn’t always realize when he’s done a Social Whoops and his attempts to fix it have a 50% chance of making things worse (see: him and Max with the canteen in 3x01).
• Please don’t touch my stuff Erica I have a dedicated mental map of where it all is and if you move it I will not find it for a week WHAT ARE YOU DOING-
• Also forgets to sleep, he and Dustin pass the time having long conversations over walkie talkie about really boring stuff in the hopes it’ll get one of them to pass out.
• Has three facial expressions: Excited/Happy, Upset, and Scared. If he wants to make any more he’s gotta try.
Max:
• Skateboards back and forth on the sidewalk outside for hours at a time because pacing helps her think.
• Real sensitive to sudden/unexpected touch, she likes it alright but you have to give her a two minute notice first.
• Possibly comorbid with ADHD, but I don’t know enough about ADHD to elaborate.
• California was not exactly a paradise, but people at school were less mean about her stimming, Indiana takes some getting used to.
• Meltdowns more than shutdowns, which drives her parents up the wall (why can’t you be a good polite quiet girl Maxine) but the party’s understanding and gives her space when she needs to discharge.
• The color green bothers her and she could not tell you why, it just does.
• Constant pen clicking. Constant.
To be continued because this is getting long
Update: Part 2 Here and Part 3 Here
#Stranger Things#El Hopper#Mike Wheeler#Will Byers#Dustin Henderson#Lucas Sinclair#Max Mayfield#Headcanons#Autistic Headcanons
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a new morning - a short, educational game about autism made by autistic people - is now on itch!
in the game you play as bee, an autistic child getting ready for school in the morning. the goal is to get ready without using too many spoons. the game takes 10-15 minutes to play, and has 25 interactable items to teach you autism facts from community knowledge, lived experience, and recent sourced studies
the game is free to play and is welcome to be used in educational settings
find it here on itch.io
signal boosts greatly appreciated! playable on windows only
-
[ID: one static image and three gifs of a RPG maker pixel art game. the game has a limited palette of mostly dark desaturated purple, light teal, and blue. the gifs show a house with a bedroom, piano room, kitchen, and dining room. the playable character is a young pale child with light blue hair, a red sweater, and ear defenders. the other two characters present are a white and brown spotted dog and an adult woman with brown hair and a blue dress
image 1 is the title screen showing a blue teddy bear sitting against the wall with an open window next to it. the words “a new morning” are in white font
gif 1 shows bee talking to their mother. a text box appears saying “mom is greeting you good morning. make eye contact?” with the options “yes” and “no” coming up. when “yes” is clicked, the text changes to “some autistic people find eye contact uncomfortable, unnatural, or even painful. -1 spoon”. it then changes to a bust of the mother next to the dialogue “good morning, bee! is today a talking day?” with the options “yes” or “no”. when “no” is clicked, the mom says, “can’t wait to hear what you have to say! don’t forget your tablet so you can talk at school”. then the textbox changes to “+ tablet with alternative communication app added to inventory”
gif 2 shows bee and the dog in the dining room, where there is a large clock. when the clock is clicked on, the words “tick ... tock ... tick ... tock ...” appear in increasingly large letters. the screen flashes bright orange and shakes. then a textbox appears saying “... you hate the sound of this clock. -2 spoons”. then the text changes to “bad sensory input can create sensory overload in autistic people, leading to anxiety, meltdowns, or shutdowns. an experience like this might be referred to as sensory hell”.
gif 3 shows bee leaving their bedroom and interacting with the dog. a text box appears that says “many autistic people feel connected to animals. pets can be a great comfort for adults and children, and allow them to connect with the world. this is your service dog, Lance. autism service dogs are becoming more common, and are frequently used to help ease social anxiety or stop self-harming behaviors. add lance to the party?” then the options “yes” and “no” appear. when “yes” is clicked, the box says “Lance is going to help you at school today. he’ll help you navigate the chaotic and confusing atmosphere. +3 spoons”. a bust of bee appears with text reading “(good boy)” end ID]
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Autistic Kaz Thoughts
TL;DR at the end because this is really long again
So, obviously Kaz is neurodivergent, that comes from the affects of his trauma, but it seems myself and many others have sen a strong basis for Autistic Kaz specifically, and I thought I’d like to explore that.
Some other people have talked about this but I wanted to put in my two cents
Disclaimer: A LOT of things about Kaz’s behavior line up with the effects of his trauma. My response to that is that Kaz can be autistic and traumatized at the same time.
Things That Make Sense In Canon (It’s Basically Everything):
Hyperfixation:
- Magic tricks (sitting in front of a mirror for hours practicing and trying to figure them out)
- Staying awake for hours wondering how things work
- He hyperfixates on every single job to hell and back, and he enjoys figuring out every angle
Special Interests:
- Goes hand in hand with above, but magic tricks and sleight of hand are definitely his special interests
- Lock picking might also count, and card games? He seems to like all of it. Robbing...?
- Being a criminal is Kaz’s special interest. Sounds ridiculous but think about it. It helps that it keeps him alive, but he does actively enjoy it
Sensory Issues:
- A lot of this is related to his trauma but again, he can be both autistic and traumatized *shrug*
- Regardless of the Reaper’s Barge, touch aversion could be another trait. Having gloves and clothing that covers can be a good buffer from sensations he dislikes.
- He dislikes crowds/crowded because of the higher probability of touch/the Reaper’s Barge, but you can also tie that back to autism since many many don’t like being in crowds
- He likes silence (talks about sewing people’s mouths shut). He’s used to Barrel noises, but he might not like voices stacked on top of each other. Auditory sensibility is really varied, and sometimes noises are fine/sometimes they’re torture
Behavioral:
- Again, so much of this is related to his trauma, but REGARDLESS!
- Dramatic af in the books, but both he and Inej say he’s quiet and reserved. Good with words and doesn’t seem to mind talking, but he really only talks about his hyperfixations:
- The exceptions make up almost all of the books, which is why he might come off as talkative, but he’s usually talking about a plan, having solved something/tricked someone (think conversations with Van Eck, Rollins), so of course he wants to talk. The other big exception is when he talks to Inej.
- Kaz is good at reading people, but there’s a lot to disprove that all autsitic people are bad at reading others. Many actually “over-read” and notice a lot/see things others don’t pick up on. Doesn’t make someone more socially competent (just because you know what’s happening doesn’t mean you know what to do about it). I don’t think it disqualifies him from being autistic
- Kaz is incredibly mentally organized, so over-reading people is actually helpful for him.
- With stimming, he’s amuses himself with cards, magic tricks, playing with coins and lock picks. It happens enough times to be a “thing” in the books. Sleight of hand can count as stimming.
Mental Capabilities:
- Autism doesn’t equal genius, but many autistic kids are also prodigies, and with Kaz I think it applies.
- Autism and really good memory aren’t uncommon, and it tracks with this from Kaz:
- “Once he learned a game, it took him mere hours to master it, and then he simply couldn’t be beaten. He could remember every hand that had been played, each bet that was made. He could keep track of the deal for up to five decks.”
- He can also do complex mental math, which can also apply to this if you want it to
Other Things That Don’t Technically Mean He’s Autistic But For Some Reason Feel Autistic To Me:
- Autistic people can wear whatever they want, but for whatever reason Kaz’s wardrobe, regardless of mocking Mercher’s, seems like it could be a product of Kaz’s specific brand of autism
- Birds of a feather flock together, all his friends are neurodivergent
- The crow motif. Neurodivergent people seems to really like corvids? Also many have animals that are just “their thing” so yeah, crows
There’s probably other stuff but I’m currently forgetting it all
Exploring This In Fics/Headcanons!:
- People can write Autistic Kaz however they want, but here are my personal thoughts:
- I noticed I already write young Kaz as autistic-coded, as he usually only touches and talks to Jordie and is very attached to him, is quiet and likes puzzles more than ‘acting’ games, and doesn’t speak a lot but has an advanced vocab.
- Kaz can eat just about anything for survival, but it’s easy to headcanon him as actually only liking a few foods. Some autistic people are picky, and others love food, because people are different. That being said, I’m picky, so I headcanon that Kaz doesn’t really like eating with a few exceptions (things like chocolate, breakfast foods, ice cream, chips, pasta, coffee, because I love those things) and greatly dislikes many other things (I like writing that he doesn’t like carrots?? Idk)
- In Alternate Universe fics that make it hard to justify Kaz’s touch aversion with Jordie’s trauma/more modern AU’s: Autistic Kaz With Touch Sensitivity! It keeps him in character, gives him a reason to wear gloves, and adds neurodivergence without compromising his canon traits.
- His boundaries being ignored or sensory overload could also work to explain why he’s so pissed off all the damn time
- Not a lot changed between Kaz and Inej. Autistic Kaz and Trauma Kaz overlap a lot and can both work in canon, so he can still want to touch Inej like in the books. Many people have exceptions, and Inej (and Jesper, and the other Crows) would make sense as being Kaz’s exceptions. Plus, it adds to Inej’s feeling of safety because Kaz wouldn’t even think to touch her without reason/without asking until they’re a LOT more comfortable. You can still write him as being touch averse to Inej regardless of romantic feelings though.
- I think a reason Kaz isn’t talked about as an autistic possibility very often is because he’s such a badass? The portrayal of autistic people is often that they can’t be leaders, or that they’re soft and a cinnamon roll. People are more likely to make, say, Wylan autistic, and ignore the fact that Kaz has a lot going for this. So, to write Autistic Kaz realistically, what do you have to do?
- Write him how he is in the books, with all his same habits and thoughts. In a modern AU, you can actively acknowledge it. Tag Autistic Kaz regardless of it being a focus. And in “canon universe” fics, you can still tag him as autistic, and mention how Kaz was like as a child or use introspection
- Autistic Kaz, using his canon character traits, probably won’t read as OOC
ALSO!
Jesper’s definitely ADHD and while I was writing a fic I realized Kaz and Jesper have an ADHD/Austic friendship. It’s true that Jes and Kaz don’t always understand each other, but:
Kaz actively appreciates and likes Jesper (otherwise he wouldn’t be so hurt by Jesper’s loose tongue), and similarly to being unbothered by Wylan’s disability, I don’t think Kaz would mind Jesper’s quirks.
Since Jesper often fixates in fights, Kaz doesn’t have to worry about interference from Jesper’s brain during a job, and when it’s casual hanging out, I think Kaz just doesn’t care/actively understands where Jesper is coming from.
It’s not too supported by canon other than Kaz internally deciding that one of his best friends is going to be the hyperactive and social Jesper, despite them outwardly seeming so different
And why Jesper would pick reserved, quiet, and oddly prickly Kaz to be his best friend too. They don’t match up but if they just kinda vibe with each other/understand their brains work differently, then you have a very interesting basis for why they’re comfortable with each other.
TL;DR A lot of Kaz’s traits in the books (hyperfixations, special interests, sensory issues, behavior, mental capabilities) can be read as very autistic coded. This helps with rationalizing his behavior in AUs that lack his Jordie backstory while remaining completely in character and can also help characterize Younger Kaz. Additionally, it would not and should not compromise his badassery or competence. He and Jesper are Autsitic/ADHD friends.
#kaz brekker#kaz brekker analysis#character anaylsys#autistic kaz brekker#neurodivergent kaz brekker#jesper fahey#adhd jesper fahey#inej ghafa#wylan van eck#Kanej#six of crows#six of crows duology#neurodivergent character#autistic character#my post#feel free to reblog#feel free to interact#my crows
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"Everything is so loud and annoying, can I please just sort through the files instead?"
"Everything is so loud and annoying, can I please just sort through the files instead?"
Gideon frowns. "What are you talking about, Reid? It's practically silent in the bullpen area."
"No, it isn't," Spencer insists. "Morgan is shuffling papers. Prentiss is typing. Anderson is on the phone. And someone has a fan on..."
"Do sounds like that always bother you?"
"Most of the time," Spencer admits. "Big sounds aren't really an issue, it's just smaller...background sounds? I guess? They just sound really loud to me..."
"Why haven't you ever said anything before now?" Gideon asks.
Because the Dilaudid has apparently taken away my filter, Spencer thinks, only now realizing his mistake.
"I guess I just thought I could handle it," he says instead. "But I really can't right now, and I think if I could just be by myself in the file room, that would help."
"Okay." Gideon nods. "But before you go - is there something you want to tell me, Reid?"
he knows he knows he knows he knows he knows he knows he
Spencer tries not to panic. He's been waiting for Gideon to ask. He thought maybe it would give him the courage to be honest. To ask for help. To get clean.
But now that it's happening, Spencer feels like he's been punched in the stomach, and he's scared, and overwhelmed, and Gideon's office is noisy as hell, too, and Spencer wasn't kidding about how much it affects him, and his ability for rational thought seems to be rapidly disappearing.
Something else happened to me in Georgia, he wants to say. And now I've developed an addiction, and I don't know how to stop. I don't think I can do it on my own. Please help me.
"I'm autistic," he blurts out, and then freezes.
He told Gideon the wrong secret. This is worse than telling him the truth about the drugs. It's even worse than not telling him the truth about the drugs.
It's too much, all at once. He can't look at Gideon's face. Spencer hopes Gideon's not trying to speak to him, because he is completely lost in his own head at his point.
He walks out of Gideon's office without looking back. Goes straight to the filing room and starts sorting. He stays there until he's positive everyone else has gone for the day, and then he stops at his desk to get his stuff and go home.
There's a note on his desk in Gideon's handwriting.
Spencer,
You don't have to treat it like a horrible secret. Don't give it that kind of power - it's part of you, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
I appreciate you sharing with me, even if you didn't do it on purpose. I'm proud of you.
Come to me if you want to talk about it, or about anything else that may be troubling you. Please. You're not alone.
G
#cw drug addiction#autistic spencer reid#jason gideon#maya writes more than 5 sentences#maya's autistic spencer collection#maya's spencer whump collection
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Why people keep telling you to block them if you support Pholo (Penumbra Edition)
Or: why jitterbug-juno really deactivated
I love when people categorize this as fandom wank. Really makes you feel like you’re putting the onus on either side of the conversation.
I’m making this post not because I want to stir up spoiled milk, but because I want it out there that this wasn’t a purity culture war.
The TL;DR version of this is that fans of color tried to tell Rab (prev. jitterbug-juno) not to post her Omegaverse (or A/B/O) fic. And instead of taking the L, she posted it on Ao3 and deactivated.
But, if you want context, well, buckle in. CW for mentions of racism and transphobia.
What did jitterbug-juno do?
Before I get into this I do want it out there that I will not be linking Rab’s fic, but I will show you this screenshot of the summary of it.
[ID: It is a screenshot of a fic, “As You Are” by Pholo.
Summary: Peter can hide his scent glands behind cologne; makeup; concealer pads. He can quash his heats with suppressants. He can divert the urge to nest and fawn.
But he can’t feign another gender’s subvocals. He lacks the anatomical capacity. Mag taught him to distract from his silence with fast, flashy words. For longer heists he relies on social convention. Traumatic mutism is uncommon, but remarked upon by enough war vets and soap operas to be widely recognized. Peter’s marks assume he’s been harmed long before they assume he’s a closeted omega. It would take quite the backwater brute to ask why he doesn’t murmur or chuff or growl.
On the 'Blanche there are the usual furtive glances. Juno makes clear to Peter that should he ever want “to talk about what happened,” he’ll be there to listen. The gesture annoys Peter more than comforts him.
‘Nothing happened,’ he wants to scream. ‘There’s nothing to talk about!’
There are 14 comments, 85 kudos, and 11 bookmarks /end]
You decide what you’re doing with that information, but honestly, I’d rather you don’t give it anymore engagement than it deserves.
There was a period earlier this June (yes, even though it’s only the 10th, at time of writing) when Rab was posting snippets of the aforementioned fic on her blog and tagging it appropriately, putting it in the attention of pretty much the entire Penumbra fandom.
What’s Omegaverse or a/b/o and why is everyone so against Rab for it
If you know what Omegaverse is, I don’t have to tell you why it’s controversial. If you don’t know what Omegaverse is, well, Fanlore said it best:
a kink trope wherein some or all people have defined biological roles based on a hierarchical system, with the terms originating from animal behaviour research. There may be werewolf, knotting, or other animalistic elements involved, or the characters may be otherwise purely human.
The term is generally written with slashes (a/b/o). Many fans, particularly ones from Australia and New Zealand, are uncomfortable seeing the term without slashes because it is also an Australian slur for aboriginal people.
I won’t get into the history or the heaps and tons of other discourses (mostly about fictional male pregnancy, homophobia, transphobia, sexual assault, etc.) that go on within that. We’re here specifically on Rab v. Penumbra fans of color and we’re staying there.
Anyone who’s been in Penumbra enough to realize that everyone draws the Junoverse characters in a certain way knows that a) Juno is black, b) Nureyev is Asian, and c) as a fan you have to be aware of what you’re subjecting or saying about either of them because of the political repercussions that come with it.
And despite that, Rab proceeded to write Peter Nureyev, a gender nonconforming gay Asian male character that is widely headcanon’d as trans, into a fic using a kink trope that relies heavily on animal behavior.
Unlike most people new to fandom, Rab is aware of what Omegaverse is and is very much white. She is (and if she isn’t, should be) aware of the racist undertones that writing him in would get.
I couldn’t get a screenshot of what snippets Rab was sending out into the ether, seeing as a majority of my friends would rather not have seen any at all (I have all of the usual tags blocked so I wouldn’t have seen it either way), but needless to say, Rab got attention for it. Both positive and negative.
Anne (@hopeless-eccentric) even posted a satirical fic, in the odds that Rab was just writing this thing to be “the first” to write Omegaverse fic in the Penumbra tags.
But, I’m assuming more than one fan of color came into Rab’s inbox and messaged her about it, but someone I know (who would like to remain anonymous) was gracious enough to take a screenshot before he sent his in and let me use it for this post:
[ID: A message to jitterbug-juno about to be sent by a sender whose name is censored with a black bar. His messages says:
“as someone who is a person of color i think the nature of the fic you are writing right now is extremely racist and attributing animal characteristics to lgbt people of color is not at all appropriate, especially when you are someone who is white. i have to ask you to not publish this fic and to reflect as to why you would want to write this in the first place, these tropes are extremely harmful and”
There are 33 characters left to write into the message. /end]
I can’t speak for whoever else sent asks about the fic she was writing. If anyone was actually not-so-gentle with her, well, minorities don’t really owe it to you to be gentle about what they can tell is bigotry-tinged behavior.
But, the message was clear: this is different from your garden variety, lily white straight male character m/m kink fantasy. This is an actual queer Asian character that a lot of queer Asian people feel attached do. Do not post the fic.
What happened next: the beginning of the end
The next morning, I woke up to most of my friends being frustrated by this post on Rab’s account:
[ID: Dated 5 June, a post by jitterbug-juno:
“Gonna leave the fandom for a while. Wishing you all well.”
The tags say the following: not sure if i’ll be back, thank you so much to everybody who’s read my fics, and who’s sent asks or engaged with my art or any of that, you’re amazing and I’m sending love /end]
That... was not what fans of color wanted, but it was definitely an action they took. Some celebrated, as they were very much wary of Rab for having caused much of the same category of drama in fandoms like Voltron: Legendary Defenders and Warrior Cats. This also meant that she was probably not going to post the fic either.
Some, myself included, were relatively pissed, as they’d wanted even just the measly bit of accountability. An apology or an acknowledgement of having been called out in private and that they’ll take time to consider why. But instead we got Rab leaving in the face of fans of color telling her not to post her Omegaverse fic.
Well. The next day...
[ID: Dated 6 June. A post by jitterbug-juno titled, “Well... that was short-lived”
“I gave the situation a lot of thought yesterday. The reaction to my omegaverse previews made me figure I should leave the fandom. It seemed like the safest option.
But you know what?
Hell.
I don’t want to leave. The fic discusses the tropes of omegaverse and I spoke to several POC on Twitter, and I’m going to post it with plenty of tags so people can avoid it if they wish. I’m not going to be chased out of this space.
Thank you to everyone who sent messages yesterday. I shouldn’t have made that post about leaving. It was really reactionary. I’m okay and I appreciate your support so much.
(bolded on the post) To those who are angry and uncomfortable with me: Please block me. If you’re going to talk about this fic on Tumblr and Twitter– and this may sound odd– PLEASE NAME ME as Jitterbug-juno or Pholo. Don’t vague me. That way people who don’t want to see this discourse can add my name to their block lists.“ /end]
That certainly was short-lived, she wasn’t kidding.
This got a lot of outrage. Again, the fic is up on Ao3 and she has not taken it down. A lot of POC were pissed and I didn’t see a single fan of color actively support what she was doing, at least, not in my friend group. Everyone started making those posts to block them if you liked the fic or Rab’s content in general, in accordance to what Rab wanted.
Perseus (@mraudiodrama) noticed/pointed out that Rab deleted the part where she said she spoke to several POC about releasing her fic, as well as the part where she said she refused to be chased out of the fandom. This was an incredibly pointed detail to edit out, according to some.
[ID: A screenshot of jitterbug-juno's last post taken 11:00PM. Much of it is the same except the following bolded words are removed: "The fic discusses the tropes of omegaverse and I spoke to several POC on Twitter, and I’m going to post it with plenty of tags so people can avoid it if they wish. I’m not going to be chased out of this space." /end]
That same day, Rab deleted her blog. I actually caught this one on tape, believe it or not.
[ID: A screen recording taken at 12:01 PM of someone scrolling down jitterbug-juno's account. The posts and asks about Omegaverse and her post about leaving and coming back are conspicuously absent. /end]
Initially, I thought she deleted all mentions of it. I wanted to see firsthand if the rumors about her deleting portions of it were true. If she added things where she was saying that she wanted to write it because she was autistic and wanted Nureyev to be autistic too, regardless of the numerous QPOC telling her not to do it.
Instead, it turned out, she deleted her blog.
And now, we're here. The fic is still up. Her blog is down. Rab's public Twitter account @nataclinn is quiet about this. Her @cushfuddled Twitter account is on private after her run-in with the Warrior Cats fandom, according to a friend. And her Tumblr @cushfuddled account has nothing but memes.
Again, I didn't make this post to stir up drama. I wasn't even obsessively making this post as a call-out because she isn't in the fandom anymore. I just want it out there that this isn't a purity culture thing that got out of hand in a fandom as niche as Penumbra. This was a case of someone being called out and failing to acknowledge it before running away. And I want all that out of the way before I say:
If you are on Rab's side of this debacle, I, a queer person of color, want nothing to do with you either.
#the penumbra fandom#jitterbug-juno#pholo#racism#white drama#im not tagging this as fandom drama or fandom wank because that erases the fact#that this was legitimate criticism of a white person#the penumbra podcast#junoverse#i put it in a readmore so its not gonna clog up much#but if anyone doesnt want me to tag this w the fandom tags i'll remove it#once again though this is the furthest thing from anti/proship discourse
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Brothers x Autistic! MC Tidbits/Headcanons
I figured I’d do one as I’m autistic and I wanna be included in things. At the same time however, autism is a spectrum and each of us experience different behaviors and such. As such, each MC for each brother is different so everyone feels included! These are meant to be platonic but you can interpret this however you want. I’m asexual so writing actual romantic stuff makes me very uncomfortable lol.
|Masterlist is here|
MC is gender neutral, yall
Available on Ao3, Wattpad
Lucifer
♡ Clashing with one another from the get go.
♡ Lucifer tends to criticize you, and its mostly unintentional. He’s just looking out for you, though his pride prevents him from admitting that he cares about you.
♡ One day though, the usual comment that falls from his lips about you ends up making you snap. As a result, you are calling him every name under the blocked sun in the Devildom. (Satan LOVES this.) This is when Lucifer realizes he made a fucky wucky. (Thanks @error-code-606 lmao)
♡ Lucifer gets a super harsh reality check from Satan, reminding him that you are autistic and that constant put-downs is bad for a persons self-esteem/image issues. For once, pride feels guilt bubbling in his gut.
♡ From then on, Lucifer is more mindful of how he words his issues with you. (Still staying blunt, which you appreciate.) All the while he praises you from time to time for all the good stuff you’ve done thus far.
♡ Lucifer would keep mental notes of all your stims and triggers.
♡ Entertains stim toys and isn’t bothered by such as he tries to work.
♡ Lucifer would play soothing music for you, mostly classical or easy listening. Something to tingle your sensory.
♡ He stops your meltdowns before you could fully lose control of yourself.
♡ Soft hands are your weakness and Lucifer’s hands don’t disappoint. He’ll let you hold his hands anytime you desire.
♡ Lucifer's office is the best spot for you to have quiet time.
♡ You can talk his ear off and he would love every second of it, deep down.
Mammon
♡ He was quick to pick up on your behaviors before you could push him away.
♡ He is able to joke with you, both of you laughing like hyenas all the way.
♡ Mammon would never make fun of your stutter or mispronunciation of words. He’s patient and tries his best to help you. He absolutely hates when the other demons (not his brothers) make fun of you for something you have no control over.
♡ Both of you would find comfort in each other.
♡ You would absolutely adore his hair. Being a fan of bright colors and his hair being as white as angel wings. Bless his heart, he will allow you to play with it while denying how much he likes it.
♡ He knows the sound of coins is one of your favorite sounds sensory wise. He always makes sure to have some coins on him.
♡ Mammon would remember all of your fixations and then try to shower you in gifts relevant to your current likes.
♡ He loves music and will sing with you no matter how goofy you both sound.
♡ Late night Hell’s Kitchen runs are mandatory.
♡ You are the only person he would try so hard not to steal from. (He’d fail miserably and just keep your stuff instead of selling it.)
♡ Class would be hilarious with him, he’s a class clown.
♡ While he may be a class clown, I think he would somewhat try a bit harder on his work because you encourage him to do his best every single day.
Leviathan
♡ Things between the two of you are tense at first as both of you are socially awkward and standoffish.
♡ Though once you’re both comfortable, you will talk each others ears off about anime, video games, and everything under the blocked sun of the Devildom.
♡ You two will develop a secret language that the other brothers won’t understand. Imagine all that shit talk.
♡ You’re both stimmers! While Levi has physical and vocal stims, yours are mostly vocal with the occasional twitch and thigh slap.
♡ You both are major plushie enthusiasts. Prove me wrong. (You can’t.)
♡ Eye contact is difficult to maintain between the two of you, with both of you either yelping, blushing, and looking away while sputtering nonsense.
♡ Mention your love or interest in aquatic life or the sea and watch him fall in love with you, (he’s a sea monster, duh) though he will deny it smh.
♡ You both share a love for slime and will buy a lo of it on your trips to the human world. (When you two feel like doing things like that.)
♡ Levi will most certainly dress as a cat maid so long as you do it too.
♡ Stim games are 100% your favorite games to play with him. (Minecraft, Terraria, Fortnite, No Mans Sky...)
♡ Levi figures out that the sound of the ocean soothes you, and will imitate the sounds in his fish tanks to help you relax.
♡ You two make the best cosplay duo. No question about it.
Satan
♡ He is more understanding than you were led to believe. (Shame on you, Lucifer.) You avoided him at first until you found yourself in a heated debate with him regarding human world fauna kingdom. This conversation, though heated, gave you the chance to actually talk to him. It was then the realization hit that Lucifer intentionally kept you two apart.
♡ You two end up becoming close friends.
♡ You hate reading alone as its not engaging and gets boring quickly. So you tell Satan that you would like for him to read to you, which he’d accept without a second thought.
♡ He would remember your likes and dislikes. He would always encourage you to talk about your latest obsession. He’s always interested in hearing about what you have to say.
♡ Jingle cat ears. No explanation needed. (Might dress up as a cat maid with you and Levi, tho.)
♡ He would learn all your stims and triggers so he can help you when you need it.
♡ If you’re the artsy type, you bet he will learn all the crafts for you.
♡ The sound of turning pages satisfies your sound sensory.
♡ Nature walks, lots of them. Quiet moments together means the world to the two of you.
♡ Occasionally you fall asleep next to him as he reads to you. His voice is soothing enough to lull you to sleep.
♡ You two are so close in fact, he rubs it in Lucifer's face.
♡ Satan always finds himself holding your hand whenever you two go out to crowded public places.
Asmodeus
♡ Physical contact wasn’t your thing until you met the avatar of lust.
♡ He took it personally at first when you would stand awkwardly whenever he hugged you or how you would pull your hand away when he would try to hold it.
♡ Once you explain that you are autistic and physical contact was a weird subject for you, he is quick to understand. After all, he is all about consent and wanted to make sure you were comfortable.
♡ Friendship blossoms between the two of you quickly and smoothly.
♡ Asmo would help you with being more extroverted by inviting you to parties.
♡ He would make note of your stims and to satisfy your sensory, he would buy lotions and perfumes.
♡ Getting your nails done is fun and Asmo is perfect for that task.
♡ You have a best friend who will listen to you intently and give you good advice.
♡ Going shopping is less nerve wracking with him. Plus he would give you fashion tips so you can look and feel your best.
♡ The first time you gave him a hug on your own, he wept tears of joy.
♡ Spa days are mandatory.
♡ There is a love between the two of you that does not require a relationship to be valid.
Beelzebub
♡ Beel warmed up to you quickly, especially when he witnesses your appetite at dinner.
♡ He is always curious and asking you questions to better understand you.
♡ You are quick to share your food with him and vice versa.
♡ Eating competitions, though you would lose to him always, unless if he was going easy on you. (Good luck, chief)
♡ Playful and friendly flirting/banter.
♡ Beel would be interested in whatever you obsess with that week.
♡ He is patient with you and doesn’t judge you for things you have no control over.
♡ Includes you in all family activities because hes all about family first.
♡ You two will gush to each other about any and everything.
♡ Hell’s Kitchen dates? Fuck yeah. Those are mandatory.
♡ Though you are picky in terms of texture, Beel would gladly eat whatever food you won’t.
♡ You aren’t a very active person, but that will change with Beel. Eat first, then run it off, human.
Belphegor:
♡ Warmed up to you quickly despite killing you, mainly because you forgave him and still treated him with kindness despite the fact. (Simp *cough* *cough*)
♡ He is very understanding in regards to your sensory, stims, and meltdowns.
♡ Loves laying in silence with you (and vice versa)
♡ Belphie would show you constellations with his magic to help you sleep.
♡ Slime? You bet Belphie would be as entertained as you are on that subject. Cloud slime would be one of his favorites.
♡ You two communicate with each other better in silence.
♡ He would share his cow pillow with you.
♡ Your sensory craves anything that is soft. Belphie would be surprised at first when you mindlessly play with his hair as you lay together.
♡ Your troubling dreams became a little more peaceful with Belphie at your side.
♡ Both of you are big plushie enthusiasts and have a plushie club hangout spot with Levi.
♡ Belphies voice does satisfy your sensory.
♡ Tea time is a fun activity between the two of you. It leads to good naps as well.
#obey me#Shall We Date? Obey Me!#obey me!#obey me one master to rule them all#lucifer obey me#mammon obey me#leviathan obey me#satan obey me#asmodeus obey me#beelzebub obey me#belphegor obey me#shall we date?#headcanons#autistic headcanons#hc#anime headcanons#anime#otome#dating sim#demons#autism mention#imagines#wattpad#archive of our own#ao3#main character#gender neutral
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Gay Oar!!! ✨💖 - second post
After I wrote my nerdy little text about the appearance of Oar Oar in the Mansa Musa PH ep (you can find that post here), I naturally also had to write one about Sword Oar appearing in the Smallpox ep.
I honestly should have expected him to show up sooner or later after his boyfriend already did but it still caught me off guard. ✨
I’ll use my beautiful “autisticwatcher” tag for this (and if you also have to say things about Watcher-related autism stuff or autism-related Watcher stuff, feel free to use it too). Here is an attempt to justify it even though this topic probably is not inherently autistic: a) I experience every part of life through an autistic lense and b) the ways I express joy are... let’s say, atypical.
Here’s what I mean by that (and don’t worry, this is going somewhere): I am not a very outwardly expressive person. My face is kind of neutral most of the time (you could call it resting bitch bastard face), I have a voice that is often monotonous, and I don’t like showing strong emotions.
And this is what I did when Sword Oar showed up: I sort of jerked back in my chair and clapped my hands once. Then continued watching the episode with the biggest autistic grin (i.e. with what probably looked like a mild smile from the outside). ✨
Let’s get into it! Once again, it brought me great happiness to write this, and - be warned - some of this stuff is pretty specific. And once again, I did not expect that I would spend my time writing about a sponsorship part. ^-^
Enjoy! 💖
“Okay, moving along! Oh-” - “Oar are we!” Never stop with the oar puns, please. I live for the oar puns.
I think I already talked about Oar Oar’s voice and how much I like it but Sowrd Oar’s voice is equally amazing (sometimes a bit hard to understand but I can live with that - I love that voice). I also enjoyed his soft little laugh in the beginning. It was sweet.
We get a little more info on the Professor who apparently smells like “rotten cotton candy mixed with expired vinegar” (also, the sound effect after that killed me lol). Oof. Didn’t have to expose him like that lmao. I like that Sword Oar says to the Professor “I like you but you are a smelly guy” - confirming that he indeed likes him (I have one or two headcanons about this but I am... not going to mention them here, for reasons I will write about below).
The sponsor for this episode is Scentbird, and Sword Oar starts talking about “smelling seasonally appropriate” which I like - we are transitioning into autumn, the leaves will change soon, it is almost Over the Garden Wall rewatch time (I usually start my annual rewatch in October), and I just like the autumn vibes, the thoughts of pumpkins and colorful leaves and little ghosts. It’s my favorite time of the year. 🍂
Here’s a quote from the episode: “put that light sexy summer fragrances on the shelf in exchange for a thick seductive scent for the colder months”.
Okay okay OKAY you... you can’t do this to me!! >:( I have Thoughts about this, okay? Again, I am not giving you any details here (see below) but I have one or two new ideas about Sword Oar’s and Oar Oar’s relationship, and all this talk about “sexy” and “seductive” is not helping.
Like... not to get too depressed in a post about anthropomorphic oars and a sponsorship but there was a time when it was not even legal to be gay (and that time was not that long ago) and there was a time when I did not see any happy queer representation in any media. (I had Brokeback Mountain and that movie is sad as all hell; it breaks my heart every time I watch it, it is incredibly tragic, and that was pretty much the only thing I saw happening to queer people in fiction when I was growing up - struggle, suffering and death. It does something to a queer teenager, is what I am saying. And you carry that pain into adulthood, even if things do get better.)
And then look at these oars - openly gay, openly in love and openly sexual with each other. Yes I am getting emotional about a goofy little quote in a friggin’ sponsorship part, goddamnit!! Even considering all the things that are better now, queer people still get hurt and harassed and harmed and sometimes killed for being queer, and queer sexuality is still stigmatized, and it means a lot to me to have these puppets who are just so unapologetically gay and talk openly about it.
Maybe all of this is an overreaction to a tiny little quote. But it makes me happy (and sad), and I want to talk about it. ❤️
Moving on! To more queer stuff (it is more lighthearted this time, don’t worry)! :D
He mentions not having arms or legs, and that’s the bane of my existence tbh. You probably know by now that I draw a lot of gay oars art, and I have complained before about the fact that these guys don’t have hands. Do you know how many gentle things I could draw if they had hands? You can’t lovingly hold someone’s face without hands, you can’t intertwine your fingers with them, you can’t hug them without arms. So. Yeah. The audacity! /lh
(Come to think of it, Maizey and Gebra don’t have hands either. Shane Madej, sir, I am begging you, please give your LGBTQ+ characters hands!)
Here is another quote: “Let me give you a rundown of some of the sweet sweet sniffs I’ve been dancing with thanks to Scentbird.” Ugh it sounds so charming. It’s just such a charming way to put it. 🌻
He then lists some fragrances and I especially want to mention Confessions of a Rebell - Morning After, and the quote “hot nights never smelled so good”.
I AM ASKING YOU AGAIN
WHY
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME
And again, I won’t go into all the new headcanons and ideas and thoughts I have about these oars and here is the reason - I don’t know how many minors are following me. Like, I don’t want to make this stuff sound too lewd or crass because I think that queer sexuality is already too often seen as something “dirty” instead of something perfectly okay and natural. Still, I will keep some of my thoughts to myself. Let’s just say, I am very fond of... all of this. 😊
Annnnyyyyways, Sword Oar lists a whole lot of other stuff, and I know that he has to talk about the sponsor, but what I am getting from this is, the guy really likes his scents.
He mentions amber+leather, he mentions lavender, and he mentions Gendarme - Sky which is a “complex and sultry blend of bergamot, cardamom and aged leather”, and I now have a few more ideas about what Oar Oar smells like. (Personally, I like “masculine” scents. Wood, leather and the like.)
Watcher has a code again (you can get 30% off). ✨
The last thing I want to mention is this: “you delicious thing, you”. I am not entirely sure if he is talking to the Professor or the audience but I am okay with both. Because a) I already have a headcanon about the oars and the Professor (which I will not talk about here because, again, there are probably some minors following me) and b) ... oh to be called a “delicious thing” by an anthropomorphic gay oar. 😘
That’s it for now. I spent the better part of three hours with this and hey, if you want to do me a favor, be kind to a queer person today (and if you are any flavor of LGBTQ+, please be kind to yourself - you are wonderful). 💖
I did not mean for this whole text to be this emotional and sometimes sad but I don’t mind it either.
Thanks for reading! ✨💕
❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜
Also, here is some of my older art. Seemed appropriate. ^-^
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Ratchet x Autistic Reader ( Transformers Prime )
🚑 The first time you met the autobots it was all a bit much to take in; even more so when Optimus had assigned you with Ratchet. Or, Ratchet with you - however you wanted to look at it. It made sense - the others were already paired off and no doubt Optimus realized you'd feel safer with the medic, despite his apparently grumpy demaner.
🚑 It did take a while to pick up on it but you definitely found that he was basically a teddy bear - grumpy on the outside but deeply caring on the inside.
🚑 Since he didn't really leave the base - Omega One - he had a pretty set routine. You settled into it easily as well. Still in school or in college? You can study next to him in content silence as you both plod along with your tasks. Simply interested in what he is doing? He wouldn't mind you watching - and he doesn't mind the questions, despite the way he talks which would make it seem he'd rather not be bothered with inquires. In fact, he's more than willing to give explanations about anything you're interested in. His day to day routine is fairly concrete; something you both enjoy and prefer .
🚑 Special Interests - he wouldn't mind listening. Believe it or not, he makes a good sounding board. Of course sometimes he's busy or something unexpected happens that means he has to interrupt- but later as you're both in his habsuite getting ready to sleep, he's more than willing to let you continue if you want. He's genuinely interested because he does care about you - even if it's not always obvious.
🚑 Once he discovers you're autistic, Ratchet is invested in learning what he can ( when he has the time he prioritizes it ) and often asks you about your own experiences. When he hears about organizations like Autism $peaks, he's appalled and utters more than a few irritated words under his breath. Don't be suprised if he sits you down and wants to know if you want to make a plan in case of Meltdowns/shutdowns, overwhelm, etc. It's extremely important to him to be able to aid you when you need it.
🚑 Because he does care - even if he likes to pretend he's too grumpy to care - Primus help when you DO get overstimulated. If it's because of anyone else in the base - they'd maybe get one warning, which was probably snapped out as an order at everyone else to be quiet while he hurries to get you to a place that you can calm down in.
🚑 You have a stim kit at the base, including a weighted blanket, in his habsuite. Because if you need to get away, and a drive wasn't an option or good idea, you definitely wouldn't be disturbed in there. He'd make sure of it. Ratchet would keep any questions to simple "yes" or "no" ones, just long enough to know exactly what you needed.
🚑 If you use a device or prefer to use a device to communicate, no problem. He's already made sure he can interact with the device and made it so you could talk to him at any point using it. It doesn't matter if you're non-verbl, Semi-verbal, or just can't speak due to no spoons - he would never judge and would look to take the best of care of you. If you take medication, he'd always remind you to take it when and how you needed. which - don't be suprised if he hovers. He doesn't mean to - he just cares and so worries ( sometimes obsessively ). Thank you for humoring him.
🚑 A rare treat would be quiet drives together - wrapped up in a weighted blanket with a comfort object or stim toy as you are perched in the passenger seat, you love evening drives when the twilight is dimming and the bright desert sun is no longer overwhelming sensory wise. His voice is nice to listen to; he could ramble on about any topic he knew and was passionate about... But there would also be rides of just comfortable silence. Sometimes you'd end up falling asleep and he's pleased you're getting rest.
🚑 He's aware of how difficult it can be to sleep... So he'd be extra careful to not wake you. His habsuite isn't far from the sick bay - so the soft whirls of the machinery and his spark combine into a soothing mix of white noise. You're small and often he'll gently place you on his chest as he powers down; for the love of the All Spark don't try to disappear without waking him- he'd panic. Then get upset from the fear ( being a war vet and a medic can carry a heavy toll on a bot; I suspect he has PTSD himself. ); Not at you ( though it can seem like it in the heat of the moment ) but at the thought that something could of happened and if he wasn't there wheb you needed help what could have happened.
🚑 Stims don't bother him; he'd rather you stim and be yourself around him than feel like you have to hide it. you're free to - and encouraged to - drop your mask around him. If someone dares try to be ableistic toward you - Primus help their soul/spark. Let's admit it - Ratchet genuinely upset and angry is kinda unnerving. But he's careful to keep it in check around you. Last thing he wants is to make you upset in turn or to cause you discomfort of any sort.
🚑 He'd fight through hell and back for you. That's just the kind of bot he is.
🚑 You both end up becoming very close and work together often. It soon seems as if you've both been always working together. On days you're not there, he'll catch himself turning to address you only to feel a tinge of disappointment when he remembers you're not there then. Not that he'd admit it, willingly.
🚑 If you have a learning disability/intellectual disability, he's here to support you. You don't have to worry about proving your worth to him at all; you exist and are worth more than he can measure. Though, again, not that he'd willingly admit that part and tries to hide the pleasure he finds in your company in case it shows too much. After all he has that "grumpy-persona" to maintain. Can't drive? He's got you covered. Can't work a "normal" job or at all? Human societies are flawed and he disagrees with the abelstic nature of a lot of the ideals in society- you're valuable because you're you, you're alive. And you're his partner, his assistant, and he's your guardian. ( A position he takes seriously).
🚑 Once he realizes he's become your "safe place/person", he's suprised, humbled and pleased all at once. We all know he still grieves the fact he couldn't fully restore Bumblebee's voice during the war; Ratchet has a deep sense of duty, but he also has a harsh inner critic. To think you trust him enough even in your most vulnerable state is overwhelming to him but also makes the medic all the more determined to be there for you.
( maybe Ill make a part two for this one too. I'd like feedback if you've got any. Allistics don't derail. I'm willing to write more of these if people are interested. I don't think they're all that good but they do come from my heart. I'm also autistic, etc, and as I've said I can't speak for all autistics just me. So there may be things you can't relate to. That's ok and I hope you still enjoyed.)
Thank you for reading.
#autism#actuallyautistic#actually neurodivergent#autistic#autistic writer#autistic reader#transformers prime#transformers prime ratchet#ratchet
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