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thecreelhouse · 4 months

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part time soulmate, full time problem

Paring: Gator Tillman x Alt Fem!Reader (she/her pronouns) || MDNI!

Summary: The day after Gator’s rotten drunk decisions, you have no intention of interacting with him for the rest of your stay.

Fate always has other plans, though.

CW/Tags: language, toxic banter, angst, hurt and maybe some comfort if you squint

Word count: 2.2k

Series Masterlist // Read on AO3

Day 2

The sun barreled through the sheer curtains in the room, and the reflection off the snow didn’t help with the blinding brightness.

You pulled your hoodie over your head, tugging the edge of the hood down as far as it would go over your eyes; you weren’t up for leaving the bed as long as your body would allow you.

Drifting back to sleep, you’re on the edge of falling back into a dream when your phone buzzes. You ignore it, but it buzzes again. And again.

“Jesus Christ who the fuck-“

It was Gator. Three texts.

Gator: I’m sorry.

Gator: not expecting forgiveness. but i’m sorry.

Gator: had to go into work, so i’ll b out of ur hair. i’ll keep to myself when i’m back.

You’re pissed all over again, and lazily throw your phone on the floor before forcing yourself back to sleep.

———

Today and tomorrow. That’s it. And today’s halfway over. You can do this. Then you’re outta here, enjoy Christmas with your family, and then you’re on your way back home.

Just two more days.

The house is so quiet without Gator. It’s peaceful, but kind of eerie. You always hated how wide open the Midwest was, especially how vast the expanse of property was here.

The sun’s hiding behind an overcast sky, and last you checked the weather, it’s not supposed to snow much. Still, you didn’t miss this kind of winter. It’s fucking freezing here.

The day goes on, boring and quiet. You work on a project you were crocheting, doom scroll over what the trending tragedy of the hour was, make soup— only enough for yourself. Gator can make his own damn soup.

You almost wished Gator was here, though, desperate for a distraction, even from his annoying ass. Thoughts painfully loud; mind bouncing all over the place, you’d think of memories with your sister. From painting her nails, to picking her up from school, and gossiping about her latest crush in class while kicking your ass in Mario Kart. She used to tell you everything, trusting you over everyone else in the family. How you cherished that trust more than anything. That kid went through hell only to be stolen from you just as things started turning around. For the both of you.

Then you’d think of Gator, how your past has been complicated with him. How he pushed you away when you needed a friend most. Watching him change into the absolute jerk-off he is today. He was never perfect, and you never excused any words or actions that took things over the line, but there was a time that he didn’t feel the need to bury emotions to pass as a “real man”. He hid what had any cycle of grief or loss, even just with his fragile ego. He got sucked into that toxic masculinity deeper than before, all for his dad’s approval that he’d never fully receive.

One of the final breaking points motivating you to move was witnessing him abuse any power he had over anyone, or anything. He had the upper hand in nearly every power dynamic, and was rotten to nearly everyone— except you.

Because the two of you weren’t talking by that point, and it went on for so long, you wished he would at least be a dickhead to you.

Shoulda’ left the glass in his legs.

Except, last night you saw a glimpse of Gator’s true self, the one you used to know. Like maybe there could be hope he can change. It’s never too late.

But you still want to ignore his existence.

… And you also still want your friend back in your life.

This is tiring.

Gator wasn’t the drunk driver the night your sister died, you couldn’t take that part of the anger out on him. That part wasn’t his fault. But how could you not be angry? He could’ve easily added to the statistics of these kinds of deaths. He’s supposed to be protecting people. Helping them.

You knew that was rarely the case with a lot of cops, and you know it made you naive, but you hoped he would actually do some good in the world.

Instead, Gator only cared about protecting and helping his shitbag father and his awful actions.

You left North Dakota for a lot of reasons, but the biggest was Gator Tillman.

———

When Gator gets home, it’s dark while the wind whips and howls around the house’s old exterior. There’s no slam of the door, both open or closed. You didn’t know he was home until he made his way upstairs, finding you in the bathroom, drying your damp hair.

You had no clue when Gator would be back, so you didn’t think twice about staying wrapped in your towel, the door partially open so the heat of the hair dryer and leftover shower steam wouldn’t overwhelm you.

The dryer is loud, drowning out all sound around you, so when Gator comes in, you’re startled as the door opens wider, dropping the hair dryer as you clutch your towel to your chest.

“Gator! Get the fuck out!”

“I called your name like, fifty times.” You narrow your eyes at his exaggeration. “I just came up to tell you there’s a storm coming.” He murmurs, eyes landing on your figure, but he forces himself to look away from you quickly. What a fucking gentleman. “You’re welcome.”

“And you couldn’t have just texted that because… ?” You snap, pushing past him in the doorway to get to the guest room. Throwing the door closed behind you, the sound of it clicking into the frame never comes. You spin around to see Gator holding his hand against the door. “Gator, get. Out.”

Gator isn’t even sure why he’s being persistent like this. His mind is still spinning from walking in on you half naked. You can feel his eyes travel down your legs, studying more tattoos exposed now, while you dig through your suitcase; your legs weren’t totally covered, but you had some really intricate pieces of your favorite things, both sentimental and some silly. Probably inside jokes, or something, with your new friends out in the city.

There’s a pang in his heart for a quick moment, almost jealous your new friends got to see the real you. You never showed him that. Not fully. And whenever you tried, he had no problem making you feel insecure about it. That’s all on him.

“Can we just fucking talk?”

“Not while I’m in the tiniest towel in the world. Seriously, how the hell are y’all using these? Don’t you get cold?”

Gator stifles a laugh, scratching his temple. “That’s— those are the hair towels, freak.”

You feel your skin warm up, embarrassed. “Alright, good to know. Now can you please let me change?”

Gator lingers for a second more before nodding, backing out, and closing the door softly behind him.

That was fucking weird.

Once you’re changed into warm, comfy sweats, slipper socks, and an oversized tee, you leave the room, finding the light at the opposite end of the hall spilling from his old room.

Gator’s in sweats, rolled up past his knees, occupied with cleaning his wounds from last night. Your eyes travel around his childhood room; not much around on the walls except a lone, slightly creepy crucifix above his bed, faded outlines on the walls where posters were tacked up at one point. There’s some clothes thrown around here and there, on the end of his bed, some on the floor, and other than those and a small area rug, the hardwood is bare. Some of his belongings and police gear is scattered across an old desk, where he was sitting. Besides that, not much was around to gauge his personality on.

“Pretty tame compared to the room at your place, huh?”

Gator stops tending to his knees to glance up at you. “How do you know what my room looks like at my place?”

You huff a laugh out, walking over to his bed to sit on the edge. It creaks from the worn springs in the mattress.

“Because you’re always posting the same damn shirtless selfies in your mirror. They all look the same. It’s easy to see most of the walls in them.”

His face turns red as he mutters, “Didn’t realize you still followed me.”

“I don’t.”

“Oh.”

It’s silent for a beat before you elaborate.

“Just was looking on the way over to see if you still looked like a douchebag.” You nonchalantly admit with a shrug. “Congrats, you do.”

Gator bites his tongue and goes back to bandaging his knees.

“So…” You kick your feet out in front of you. “Gonna tell me why you wanted to talk? I thought you said you were gonna leave me alone.”

Glancing your way, he softly says, “Just wanna apologize face to face, is all. And… and properly thank ya’ for helping me last night. You didn’t have to do that.”

Coldly, you snap, “You’re damn right I didn’t.”

“I meant it when I said I’m sorry, but it goes for everything.” Gator makes his way over to the bed, leaving space in between the two of you before sitting down. Then, he flops onto his back, pushing his hands onto his eyes. “I pushed you away when you needed a friend. I was a shitty friend to begin with.”

“I won’t argue with that.”

“This… fuck. This is gon’ sound so stupid, but I was a coward. I wasn’t sure how to be there for you. I couldn’t even be there for myself. Still can’t.” Gator moves his hands to his sides, but his eyes refuse to look your way. He looks so pained admitting this. “And that’s the worst ‘scuse in the world. But you deserve the truth, I think. At least. Maybe it’s worse though, I dunno.”

You’re trying to ignore the tiniest fleck of a soft spot in your heart for Gator, but you’re losing. Awkwardly you joke, “I wasn’t asking you to bring her back from the dead, or some shit.”

It doesn’t make Gator laugh, not even crack a smile.

“I just needed… a distraction, sometimes. Or a shoulder to cry on.” Don’t start crying over this fucking idiot. You couldn’t, however, hold back your own truth. “You were already calling me a freak long before that. I had no one else, not even my family. Ma kept to herself, kept sweet and obeyed Pa’s backwards mindset. He drank more, still does. I switched to homeschoolin’ ‘cause of you. I left this place behind for a lot of reasons, but … I wasn’t joking yesterday when I said you’re the reason I left… you were the final one to push me over the edge.”

Gator looks hurt, like, physically hurt over your words. He leans up on his elbows, finally looking at you, guilt all over his face.

“Then I moved, and things were so… different. It gave me some hope. And things got better for me. I found people I could care about and trust, who cared for and trusted me, too. I’m livin’ somewhere that doesn’t gossip over minuscule life choices, like dyeing your hair an unnatural color. It’s loud and bright and full of life. It’s not hollow like North Dakota.

“Gator, I don’t tell you this to upset you. Just… wanted to be honest. I didn’t want our friendship to crumble the way it did.” Tears were threatening to fall, but you did your best to hold them back. “Can you promise me something?”

He sits up fully, nodding. “Yeah, a’course, what is it?”

“Don’t ever fucking drink and drive again, or I’ll kick your ass.”

“Can do. Will do. That was fucking stupid of me. I’m sorry.”

You accept it. That’s all you can do, while hoping he keeps that promise. You’re still disgusted he even did it, but you truly do hope he can just get his shit together.

“Also do you ever drink water while you’re drinking? Because that’s kinda important. And spacing drinks out. And now I sound like I’m lecturing you.”

“Well… ya’ kinda are.” Gator smiles ever so slightly, but it’s not cocky, for once. “I deserve it.”

Glancing down at the floor, you thought of how you should leave things off. Maybe it was time to start over, rekindle a friendship, if it was even possible. But you weren’t certain you were ready for it. So much damage had been done, it couldn’t just be magically fixed in one conversation.

“I… thank you, for apologizing. I hope you mean it. I think you do.” You’re getting up, heading for the door, before he stops you with a question.

“Wait, hold on.” Gator looks like he’s holding himself back from following you. “Does this mean … things are gonna be okay? Between us?”

You can’t face him. You can’t bring yourself to turn around and look at him when you say, “I really don’t know, Gator. Honestly… I don’t think so.”

It’s quiet, so you leave with a quick ‘goodnight’, heading for bed. You don’t hear Gator murmur, “fucking idiot” to himself, nor do you notice how heavy the snowfall was outside, before closing your door for the night.

#gator tillman x reader #gator tillman x y/n #gator tillman smut #gator tillman x fem!reader #my fics #part time soulmate full time problem

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mamawasatesttube · 3 months

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no wait your jack drake lives au is so interesting. time being robin while his parents were still around was such an interesting concept that couldve been explored more

yeah!! especially in that era when jack knew and was for the first time in his life like... actually trying to put effort into their relationship. i think tim saying "dad, i know it scares you, but i am going to do this because i'm needed, and you can't stop me," was such a wake-up call to jack that he doesn't, like. actually know his son anymore. the way he and tim talk to each other in that one rooftop convo is SO different from how early in the run, jack didn't even notice tim's injuries, shipped him off to boarding school as punishment, threatened him and took away his stuff and yelled at him and never listened to him.

i think a jack who lived would've had to realize that tim is growing up and very independent. and tim loves him so much, but like... he's already losing him. he's been pushing him away for so long without even realizing it.

to be clear i generally read jack as fairly emotionally abusive towards tim. not intentionally, but he's just... really emotionally immature + written with dixonesque Machismo™ aka toxic masculinity that comes out in how he treats tim. and tim certainly would never admit that his dad treats him kind of poorly because he loves him! he wants them to have a good relationship so bad and he hates lying to him. he doesn't even admit it to himself, honestly.

but if jack stayed around longer, i think the cracks in that façade would have started to show through. and it would have been pretty bittersweet for both of them. because, like, a tim spending more time with the kents would get to see a family where communication is prioritized. the ariana situation would Never have gone down like it did with his dad, if it happened to chris or jon kent. tim's an observant and introspective person. he wouldn't be able to just... not notice these things. and once those seeds got planted in his head, it'd only be a matter of time until he was forced to confront what he really, really didn't want to: that not all of the issues in his and his dad's relationship are his fault.

(also i still just think it's really funny if bruce, in a very emotionally constipated attempt to let tim know he's supportive of him after tim awkwardly mentions having a date so he can't go on patrol that evening, and, uh, yeah, it's with a boy, buys tim a bi flag mug, and jack sees it and goes Where did you get that. and tim's like oh haha bruce gave it to me after i told him i'm bi. and jack is FUMING bc now his choices are Be Less Homophobic or Lose "Supporting Tim" Points To Bruce.) (but also it's still tragic because the thing motivating him to do better by tim isn't tim. it's his jealousy and insecurity about bruce.)

#answers #largergulp #tim #jack drake

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dramatic-shitpost-poet · 1 year

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So Clay Puppington sleeps in a bed as he hugs a pillow. His bed sheets and pillow are covered in stains, but never really confirmed as to what they are unless you take the movie premiere episode into account. The stains are yellowish in color which leads me to think it is either truly piss, his liquor, or some type of oil or non bodily fluid liquid.

I think the last option is the least likely based on lack of evidence, but hey, people do weird shit when drunk and he might have dragged something in one night. It might also be like just body grease because I doubt this fucker showers often, but I don't even think THAT much can be produced. Really unlikely it's an oil or non body fluid. Also it's not tears from crying himself to sleep because tears aren't yellow and do not stain that color.

Middle option is his liquor which is more probably as he always has some liquor on his hand, even while in his study, just walking around, the second he wakes up, etc. Chances are he could have spilled some liquor as he is sleep deprived and still waking up in the morning. It would be in character for him and easy to write off as a "joke" to his character. So very likely, but not that interesting.

Last option is his piss. This was kinda confirmed in the Movie episode and all the other characters treat it as such and Clay doesn't correct them either. So canon he pisses his bed, but why? The analysis is always fun. Well first explanation is him being a fucking alcoholic and sometimes when you are wasted you don't recognize your own bodily functions, so he might have been awake, drunk, and not realize he needed to use the bathroom but he was too drunk to care or too drunk to get up and walk efficiently. He might have also been so drunk he knocked out HARD and slept for like 20 hours at a time, wetting the bed in his sleep because he neglected his own bodily needs.

Now, let's say he wasn't utterly wasted to that point or hell, even kinda sober, why would he piss the bed then? Probably repression and childhood trauma. Kids of trauma or abuse tend to wet the bed a lot because they are constantly scared and anxious. Also maybe just hormone things and development stunts as they were either forced to grow up faster than ready or held back and repressed. Clay was mostly like developmentally stunted because of his mother's sheltering and doting on him, not allowing him to really face the world as is and kinda being treated as younger than he was in some aspects, that that didn't help his development. Also if he wet the bed as a kid his mom would never be mad at him for it or correct it I think, letting him think it's acceptable and never helping him grow. Sheltering and doting parents are better in sone aspects, but still stunt development for their children. If his dad tried to correct it, then his mom would guilt trip the fuck out of him and nothing would change. This probably also enforced the idea in Clay's head that it's a woman's job to clean up his piss sheets because how you were raised and Oedipus complex shit seeping into his adult life. So there's the childhood aspect of being sheltered explaining some, but after his mom died it probably also affected him as losing a parent is majorly traumatic, so he probably still wet the bed as he was coping with grief and guilt. His dad would probably never clean it either and Clay had no clue as to how to do laundry, so he would just sleep in his own piss without issues. This reflects to his adult life.

Now, most kids grow out of this behavior as they become somewhat adjusted adults and move past the mindset of childhood, but Clay never got over the loss of his mom and carried that with his Oedipus complex into adulthood. Clay is too of a toxic masculinity stereotype to ever seek therapy or better himself in any way too. So as an adult he probably kept that piece of childhood with it, but in adult life he is constantly stressed and in a loveless marriage too, adding to a deteriorating mental state. When your mena health takes a toll, so does your body as your brain, where mental illness is, controls everything. He is also seen clinging onto his pillow in episodes as he sleeps, like a needy child as he is deprived of love. It's all stress and childhood trauma sticking with him along with the refusal to better himself. Maybe his lack of love, but still needing it makes him scared enough to wet the bed as well or his pillow at least. That basically explains it though.

Thanks for coming to my meaningless analysis lol

#clay puppington #piss tw #i love analysis #character analysis #moral orel analysis #gos fucking help me I was bored #childhood trauma

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harringrovsonsworld · 2 years

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Jason Carver SFW Alphabet

I was struggling with my kas eddie thing so i decided to take a break and do something for Carver. i know hes an asshole but i do have a soft spot for him. his death was bs and he was clearly in need of help that he didnt get. a terrible waste that he went from the pep rally high to dead in a serial killers attic in less than a week.

anyways long post under the cut

Edit : I forgot j like an idiot fool.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

I've gotta be honest. Jason comes across as a shallow air head. The basketball equivalent of sharpee from highschool musical. BUT if any of yall have seen sharpee’s stand alone show/movie thing you'll know she's not quite as shallow as people make her out to be. Jason's affection is like that. He seems at first blush to be a cool guy but you can't think of anyone who’d put them as their emergency contact. Their first call when shit hits the fan. Then you get to know him away from his meat head friends, he can be quite genuine. I don't think he has the forethought to do this on purpose, but he can be very unintentionally sweet and soft with his words.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He's a very hands on best friend, especially if it came to a shared hobby like basketball, hiking or swim team. I think he’d have a hard time with stuff he doesn't like, to pick a completely random example, someone who likes DnD. He can be pretty dismissive of ‘that nerd shit’ whatever that might be, it's less out of meanspiritedness and more wanting you to fit in so you can still hang out without damaging his cred. Maybe not the most noble of ideas but it comes from a good place and you have to remember, he is only 18.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

If you were alone or in a more closed off setting, yes I imagine he would like to cuddle. I can see Jason having a pastor dad who probably wasn't the most outwardly loving. He’s maybe a little cuddle starved. He seems like he'd be the type to throw his arm around your shoulder whenever he could, put his head in your lap or hold your hand in church. I don't think he's the type for spooning, probably not allowed to bring anyone home with him, but he might fall asleep against your shoulder while you watch a movie.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I struggled with this one. Jason gives me very white upper class traditional roles sort of vibes. He absolutely wants to get married, in fact i think he’s the type to be planning his dream wedding and dream spouse for years in advance. But I also think he sees himself as the stereotypical man in the relationship. He's expecting to marry someone who’ll be a homemaker while he goes off to work, maybe follow in his fathers footsteps. Bit of internalised misogyny/ toxic masculinity i think. His parents would certainly expect him to do chores when he was younger, but it was on sufferance and it's stopped now he has to focus on college (maybe a basketball scholarship?) He's never learned to cook or clean for himself, even for the pleasure of making food only he wants. If you're into the whole, trad wife/ husband/ spouse thing, maybe this could work out. If not you're going to need to make that clear because jason has a hard time reading sarcasm

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Say what you will about Carver in season 4, he knows how to be a gentleman to his partners. He’d take you on a date to say goodbye and try his level best to go on good terms. I imagine you'd have to do something pretty egregious to force his hand but I can also see him being told you're not the right partner for him by his parents, then twisting his arm. It's pretty clear that if Chrissy had survived she was going to dump Jason and if Chrissy was an 8 out of 10 on the Jason pain scale, you're an 11. All that to say, oh boy is he going to take that hard. His friends might try to cheer him up with some sort of superficial lads night out but let's be real, there's only so long you can hang around someone miserable who won't cheer up. He's going to go hide in some sort of teenage angst misery pit listening to the 80s equivalent of Linkin park's Numb.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Oh hell yes. Jason is so excited about being someone's husband. He loves partying, every teenager does, but he is so excited to settle down with his best friend and build a life with them. He seems the type to give out promise rings, like “we’ll be together when college is done” sort of thing. I imagine he’d want a decent engagement period, mostly so there's enough time to coordinate the wedding and organise it between your two families and pick the right date. I think he’d want a fall wedding, kids soon after so they are born in the spring/summer.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

I think what we see of him with a bad temper and even worse intentions is Jason at his absolute lowest. A snapshot of him at his worst possible moment and it shouldn't be taken as normal. He’s kind of jockish, physically rough and emotionally immature and I honestly don't think he’ll get that much better. He might mellow with age, get rid of all that nervous energy that seems to follow him about. And I doubt that boisterous playfulness will last forever too, so he will probably not be as rough and tumble by the time he's finished college. I'm not saying you have to parent him but he does seem to need an actual adult to point him in the direction of maturity, talking through his problems instead of taking the huff or just letting things fester.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

I'd say so, yes he's a fan of hugs. He likes those little dancy swaying hugs you get when someone completely wraps their arms around you. I canon Jason as autistic so he likes the pressure and grounding effect they have. His hugs are wrapped a little too tight and he's just a little too into it. He definitely gets teased by his basketball buddies for how many hugs he gives you.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I imagine Jason has been taught to never say that unless he really means it. Brought up to think if you say you love someone, it means you're going to marry them and we all know how important that is to jason. For that reason I imagine he’d be really really slow to say it. He’ll have been thinking about it for a long time, mentally adding it to the end of his conversations with you.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He's not huffy so much as he is oh woe is me. Spirals a bit into self loathing when he thinks you have something better than him. Sometimes he goes a bit over board trying to prove he deserves you, trying to earn you back even though you're still with him and don't intend to leave.

He needs Therapy and a confidence boost.

Kinda chaste, short and sweet. He's not the makeout type normally, mostly just a quick peck on the cheek in the morning before class, a quick goodbye when he drops you home. He likes to kiss cheeks and hands and shoulders. I think he likes to have his neck and jaw kissed. He seems like he's ticklish, might devolve into a giggling fit if you blew a raspberry on his neck.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Hmm judging by his behaviour his parents seem a little absent . I'm betting like most boys in Hawkins he didn't exactly have a good male role model for fatherhood. I imagine he has a sort of idealised version of parenthood in his head that doesn't exactly line up with reality. He likes kids how he sees them in his head, having fun sitting with his daughter having a tea party, and teaching his son how to play ball. I don't think he's thought about all the late night feedings and nappy changing and wiping snotty noses. He's good with calm and fun kids but he has no clue how to deal with a fussy, scared or crying child.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Jason is a fitness nut, not to mention his strict parents. He's up at the crack of dawn for church and a morning run, maybe doing laps in the pool before class. He's perfectly happy to let you lie on until he's done but he's the kind of annoying morning person who wants you to come with him and have fun. He likes to go out for breakfast dates. Actually he likes pancakes and waffles so much he could give el a run for her money. He'd have breakfast for dinner if he thought he could get away with it.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Jason isn't failing any classes but that's mostly due to the fact he spends every moment he's not practising basketball and at church doing work. He doesn't really care too much about his grades, he's banking a lot on a free ride to a sporty college, he just doesn't want to incur his parents wrath and complaints of being a disappointment. He usually falls asleep with his nose in a boring book, maybe with you on the opposite sofa waiting for him to finish his work so you can go grab dinner. He's up at the crack of dawn most days so he's an early to bed sort. Doesn't mean he can't pull the occasional all-nighter for exams or victory parties.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

I think Jason is a nervous talker. He’ll info-dump about himself to just fill the silence. It’s all true stuff but it's just a constant stream of consciousness, rambling and going too fast for you to really take in. I imagine once he's past that initial awkwardness and the butterflies have calmed down, he’ll let a steady stream of things about himself be slowly revealed. For all his anxieties he's not super shy, does not hide things about himself and always caves when pressed. He’s not super deep, it's what you see is what you get with Jason 99% of the time.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s pretty average. I think he has a hard time putting himself in other people's shoes a lot of the time, unless it's something he's experienced. Stuff he knows well he’s got a lot of patience for, things he doesn't understand get a lot of “why can't you just do X” or “c'mon Y cant be that hard” he doesn't get angry easily but he does get annoyed, exasperated even. He's a serial problem sorter by which I mean he says the phrase “do you want me to deal with Z for you” rather than just listening or letting you solve the thing on your own time.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Jason is a lot like steve. He’s not stupid even if he isnt that book smart. He remembers a lot of little details and nuances and then does something daft like forget your anniversary. He's a little absent minded when he's focused on other things but he is good at making it up to you.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

I mentioned above he doesn't remember big things even though youd think theyd be easier to remember. He's a bit of a romantic at heart: maybe something like meeting eyes across the carpark or hearing your cheer over the crowd when he scored the winning point at a game.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

After Chrissy left him for someone he thought of as inferior, Jason sort of developed a bit of a complex. He’s a little jealous but more in a sulky passive aggressive way than an outright hostile and accusatory way. When he knows he's upset you he gets pretty melancholic and self pitying “oh woe is me, this is why chrissy left me, i get it now you should leave me too for someone better” that kind of thing. For all his bravado he seems like he has a somewhat low opinion of himself outside of basketball and even that might be taken away from him if he survived the earthquake/upside down of Hawkins with injuries. He doesn't like to be physically protected, he'd rather fight his own battles. But I imagine he might like to have things sugar coated, no harsh truths or telling it like it is. Sometimes you need those harsh truths though so maybe protect him from taking it too hard? Just be gentle with him is what i'm saying.

Assuming he’s still able bodied after the whole, vecna incident, he’d definitely go to bat for you. If not, well he's not particularly cutting, quick or sharp witted. I think he might defend you with somewhat empty threats. But know this, able or not his team still has his back and by extension yours. One dude on crutches isn't much of a threat, but an entire varsity basketball team who wants to kick your ass is a pretty big deterrent to anyone who might mess with you. Less scary dog privilege and more scary wolf pack privilege.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Jason is sort of one note with his effort. He picks stereotypical date ideas, gifts and so on: flowers, chocolates etc. He doesn't do it intentionally, that's just what he assumes girls/guys/nb partners are meant to like. Wining and dining people are really the only string to his bow at the start, it's all he's been taught. Like I said, he's a romantic so once he finds out more about you he’d try to bring those things into his dates. He loves aquarium dates, one of his special interests is sharks and sea life. I think he’d love it if you took him and just let him ramble for a few hours about jellyfish and deep sea creatures.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He's got a habit of making things quite grandiose. He tends to blow things out of proportion, like good is great and bad is the worst. He's got a habit of giving lectures and speeches and so on. He can be quick tempered but it's usually just as quick to fade. I really put a lot of this down to immaturity.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

It's not his top priority, but he likes to look good for you, you know? Always showers in the morning and after practice at night, wears some nice but subtle cologne and keeps his hair

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

I don't think Jason as we know him has enough emotional complexity to put any thought towards the concept of completeness. He doesn't really get the concept of another half to make him whole in anything other than a religious sense. Maybe when he meets you it'll be the catalyst to realise he did feel like he was missing something and just never noticed it until now.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

As I mentioned, i canon jason as autistic and absolutely adores sharks. I imagine his room is a mix of basketball trophies, photos from church and sea life stuff. He's got shark posters, ocean themed bedspread, a starfish lamp and maybe some sea world plushies on his bed. Lots of calming blues with a sand coloured carpet. Maybe he has an ocean themed music box from his childhood that he keeps by his bed. I can also see him with one of those jellyfish ceiling light covers. His room is hella childish but it's his and he doesn't want to change it. His dad probably hates it but his mom is just happy he's not trying to grow up too fast. Not like anyone has ever seen his room because he isn't allowed to bring partners back and his friends only want to see his pool and wine fridge.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He's kinda squeamish. I imagine if he had a partner with a uterus he’d get squicked out by blood from periods or childbirth. He’s not going to make it your problem but he has absolutely fainted when he saw someone get a nose bleed so maybe be careful around him during that time of the month. I think he might find spitting or smoking a deal breaker too. He's sort of a “my body is a temple” type. Drinking is fine but he draws the line at drugs, even weed. He doesn't have THAT much of a problem with other people doing it but you aren't just any old person so i can see it being a point of contention.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Jason sleeps like a baby, all swaddled up in his blankets. He is a blanket thief and will literally pull you off the bed if it means pulling the covers towards himself. He does snore a little but is absolutely adamant he doesn't. Once he finally has his blankets he sleeps like a corpse: can't be woken by anything except his alarm and doesn't move a muscle for hours at a time, no tossing or turning and if it wasn't for the snoring you might not even think he’s breathing.

i didnt intend to write for jason a lot but this was fun. if you wana talk more about jason hmu.

ao3 link is here

#jason carver #stranger things #sfw alphabet #headcanons #my headcanons #jason carver headcanons #jason carver x reader #jason carver x y/n #jason carver imagine

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riverkidian · 4 months

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Levi has always been a soft spoken, shy, nervous and nerdy/geeky boy who preferred the company of his six, same age grouped, female cousins to that of the rest of his cousins and other children. The female cousins preferring Levi’s company as well to that of their obnoxious and violent brothers.

They’ve done everything together from the time they were born till the present. Played, shopped, cooked, baked, took self defense classes, constructed and built, (the silverstien clan had a delicatessen and construction company and all the children helped out) they helped him invent, they read comics, had sleepovers, danced, played music, sang, were In plays. They did it all together as a group because they genuinely enjoyed one anothers company (and because their parents collectively forced the kids to have a well rounded education in the arts).

His cousins, who he affectionately refers to as “A group of hyenas.” Or “The yeens.”are extremely protective of him since hes been bullied and beaten relentlessly by their brothers since childhood. But the abuses were in house too with their uncle (Levi’s father) verbally accosting him any chance he got. Why? For the crime of being “Soft.” (Levi not learning till much later that was his dads way of trying to protect him and make him tough enough to deal with the real world.) So the yeens who adored him became his protectors and he theirs.

Once when Levi was around eight years old, his father fed up with his sons seeming inability to be manly took him aside, dressed him in girls clothing and stood him in front of the mirror saying something along the lines of “Since you want to be soft like a girl you should dress like one too. See what an ugly girl you make? You would never make it in the world like this. This is why you need to toughen up and be a man.” His father didn’t know anything about fashion so the hair, makeup and dress he styled his son in did indeed make him an ugly “girl”.

It devastated Levi. The boy who already at his young age had a poor view of his own looks thought he was hideous. Breaking into heavy sobs he ran to his cousins, showing them how hideous he was. The yeens argued that he was cute, despite the horrible way he was dressed. When Levi was finally calmed down and they were able to get ahold of him, they tore the hideous clothes off and dressed him in their cutest and frilliest clothes, his hair done in a micro side pony with those charm hairbands (you know the ones with the plastic or wood charms that hurt like a bitch if they snapped you in the skull) and some light makeup. They put him back in front of the mirror and showed him how cute he REALLY was and how if he WERE a girl he’d be a very cute one. His view of himself changed, if only a little bit. But It was there he learned of his love of crossdressing. He liked being cute with his cousins and when they all went out dressed up he often got compliments he never did in his usual dress. (That eventually changes when he starts dressing better)

As he grew older he kept up with the crossdressing in secret. Putting on a feminine voice to keep his identity secret when he went out with his cousins or alone. Even inventing a wearable voice changer in the style of a choker he could swap out with various outfits to save his vocal cords the strain.

The Yeens being the only ones in the know about his continued crossdressing and online show Levy’s Space. Levi made it a family friendly two hour long variety show seven days a week with weekday ratings never reaching passed tv-g/pg and weekends being reserved for teens/adults with a more mature nature never passing tv-14/R. He baked, cooked, danced, sang, read stories, played games watched movies and did makeup, nail and hair and outfit tutorials. Talked to the audience and generally made it as fun and friendly as he could while in the Levy persona.

Thanks to Levy, Levi eventually becomes confident in his own masculinity without it turning toxic. The other men in his family eventually follow suit, learning to become more relaxed and accepting of themselves and some even (like his father) trying to express themselves in more adventurous ways.

#levi silverstein #Facts about Levi #levi facts #facts about the boy #levy's space #Levy Space

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hdjinam · 1 year

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𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓’𝐒 𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍, 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 ? no one new here, it’s just 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋 back with a third muse ! i’m continuously inspired by this space, & by all of you, & couldn’t help myself ! my new creation’s name is 𝐑𝐎𝐇 𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐌, & he’s from the hustle & bustle of seoul ;; the songpa district, to be more specific ! he entered the world on 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟑𝟎𝟕𝟏𝟖, making him an emotional ( mess ) & nurturing cancer sun, as well as 𝟏𝟗 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐎𝐋𝐃. in april of 2021, he was officially signed to 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐒, & hopes to one day début in a boy group as a vocalist, songwriter, & maybe even a visual, he doesn’t know, but he’s been around for the last few years & has been having a really good time. below the cut is a brief rundown of him, & if you’re interested in plotting with us, 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 ! ♡♡

𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒. death tw.

——— jinam is the unfortunate victim of his environment in many ways. his parents are business & academic oriented, as well as religious, & while they tried their best to instill their values, morals, & work ethic into him, he fought them every step of the way. he hated going to church, he hated participating in school, & it was clear from the time he learned to speak that he didn’t get along with his father — the pair of them being polar opposites in basically every fashion. his dad is rigid, commanding, forceful, & ( toxically ) masculine, & growing up, he had no idea how is own flesh & blood, his own son, could be so different from him. it filled him with a disappointment that he still grapples with, & jinam has spent his whole life wondering why being himself is so wrong ;; why his father won’t accept him for everything that makes him him. despite not having much of a relationship anymore, these thoughts are a burden that jinam lives with to this day, & it’s safe to say that he has quite a bit of ❛ daddy issues. ❜ i do not use this term lightly, & it will be elaborated on later in this introduction post.

——— his biggest safe place growing up was his maternal grandmother’s house. at least once per week, he would spend the night there, & she allowed him to blossom however felt natural to him. as a kid & teen, jinam had a lot of interests, all of which were located in the realm of art, performance, & creative literature. he adored painting, sketching, writing poems & short stories, as well as singing along to whatever music came on the radio — all of which his grandmother supported, nourished, & allowed in her household. in truth, he reminded her a lot of her late husband. he, too, had a knack for the arts, as well as a gentle personality that many claimed was overly ❛ feminine, ❜ but that never stopped him from expressing who he was, authentically. when jinam was born & became his own person, the resemblances were uncanny — not only in spirit, but also in visuals — & she wanted him to know that he was just fine as is, no matter what his dad told him. her home, & her presence, were the only things that made him feel seen.

——— unfortunately, he wasn’t only bullied at home, but also in school. because of this, he kept to himself for the most part. he wasn’t entirely friendless, thankfully, & he cherishes the friends he made back then more than anything ;; considers a lot of them his chosen family — particularly those who are also queer, or the ❛ black sheep ❜ of their families. note: it goes without saying, that these are all possible connections up for grabs if your muse is from, or lived in, seoul, & is near the same age as jinam. anyway, in school, he was made to focus mostly on academics & keeping his grades up, but he also had quite the rebellious streak — one that drove both of his parents bonkers. whether it was ditching class, sneaking out to meet up with his friends, or skipping church as a protest, it caused problems for him. his home life was chaotic because of it, but he always had his grandmother. that never faded or changed, & one day, with her help covering for him, he ditched school with his friends to audition for hydra labels. it was done mostly on a whim, & two of their group of four were luckily cast ;; him being one of them, as well as a newer pal to him.

——— his involvement in the company wasn’t supported by his father, but at that point, he had all but stopped caring for whatever jinam was going to do with his life. allowing him to train at an entertainment company meant jinam was no longer his dad’s ❛ problem, ❜ so he remained silent — so much so that he & jinam haven’t spoken to this day. it’s bittersweet for him, but he remained focused on his training — opening up like a flower now that he’s quite literally surrounded by the arts. at hydra labels, he’s learned how to be a better singer, & songwriter, & how to feel more confident in himself in a variety of ways, & while it’s tiring & not fun all of the time, he wouldn’t change the experience for the world. however, that said, he’s prone to a variety of distractions. coming into his own, especially with age, has him focusing a lot on his love life, particularly the guys around him ;; the guys who are so tempting in all the wrong ways ;; the guys who seem to fill the void.

——— it’s been a wild two years, & throughout it, he’s written a lot of music, & has never felt so free, but just as he began finding his footing in life, he suffered the greatest loss he’ll ever face. ( death tw ) in the middle of the year 2022, his grandmother passed, & his heart has been broken ever since. grief is a hard cycle to break, & while he’s done his best to pick up the pieces & move forward, he can’t help but feel lost. he wears jewelry of her’s every single day, & writes to her in a journal she gave him whenever he’s feeling blue. though, in her will, she left him her home ;; stating she wanted for him to still have a place where he felt safe, where he could be himself. it’s created a stir in the family, but he’s unbothered by it. whenever he’s not at the company & has free time, he spends it there — maintaining it as best he can, & feeling her energy.

——— nowadays, he’s been doing his best to début, especially since it’s his two year anniversary with the company. he’s writing a lot, singing a lot, dating a lot, & doing his best to make his dream come true. he’s still hurting in ways, but he’s realizing that the hurt he feels will likely never go away, so he’s learning to live with it.

𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐓’𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄.

to find out a little more about his personality, click here ! i’m so excited to write him out & develop him more in this space, & he’s open to any & all types of plots. i value complex & deep connections, as well brainstorming something fresh for each interaction, but i’m just as happy to look through any wc’s you might have ! thanks for reading if you did. you’re the best ! ♡♡

#( ☽ ) ——— 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐. roh jinam.

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anonymous-tals · 1 year

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It’s very impressive that Gob, a character who so easily folds to his dad’s opinions and comments, managed to stick to his passion for magic. Like, his dad can be absolutely brutal in his comments towards Gob so for him to never stray in spite of his dad’s as well as everyone else’s disapproval must’ve taken a lot of mental fortitude. I feel like at the point he discovers his love for magic, he really didn’t have anything that made him happy. We see for his talent in the pageant was push ups, which was clearly supposed to be him trying to exert masculinity. They mention how he’s done push ups before for pageants, too. I’m going to make the educated assumption that he really didn’t actually care about push ups or anything of the sort. He cared about trying to put on a macho persona that would hopefully make his dad, a very toxic-masculinity, womanizing kinda guy, proud of him. He was trying to imitate his dad.

It’s hard to believe that Gob just didn’t have any sort of passion as he did with magic before that point. I feel like he’d be very much so into artsy, creative things. Just sort of drawn to anything regarding performing, especially. But, before Michael was old enough to inherit the role of future person in charge of the company, Gob would’ve still had that expectation on him. So, both because they’d think it was ridiculous or pointless as well as the fact that they were expecting him to be a business man, they would’ve discouraged any interest he had in anything creative. They probably also would’ve done it because, in my mind, Gob would’ve been someone who really would’ve struggled in school so they would’ve been discouraging anything that wasn’t regarding his school work(while at the same time not doing anything to actually help him with that). And, after Michael became their focus, they discouraged him out of resentment, punishing him for being a failure in their eyes, as well as, once again, just seeing those ventures as pointless and dumb. A peer and I were talking about Gob’s childhood and how he’d probably doodle on his work and stuff so I can see him enjoying that kinda stuff, especially since he could easily draw secretly without his parents finding out. While, other things would definitely be noticed, that could fly under the radar. This isn’t relevant to the point but I want to mention purely for just i-want-to-talk-about-the-hc reasons, I feel like his drawings would be basically just be stick figure level drawings(which isn’t a bad thing, to clarify, another interesting lens to look at Gob through is doing and pursuing things not because you’re the best at them but because they make you happy, you don’t need to be the best at your craft in order to do it and be happy doing it). Regardless of what he was interested in as a kid, it definitely would’ve been shut down by his parents and he’d be shamed for having interest in the thing.

And, this is all to loop back around to how it’s very impressive that he held onto this passion for magic in spite of no one of approving of it. He very much so cares about about what others think about him and it’s not like he’s not hurt by their comments. He just doesn’t let his interest falter in spite of their harsh words. It’s 1982 and, so far, his life has been awful. His parents hate him and actively shame him for everything he does and he’s desperately trying to gain their approval and constantly failing no matter what he does. He’s forcing himself into this persona and repressing who he truly is and it makes him feels awful and it barely feels worth it since his dad never approves of him in spite of how much he’s trying. So, he sees this magic kit and he’s absolutely enticed by it and he finds himself really enjoying the craft. It genuinely makes him really happy. And, as I said, at this point, there is nothing really in his life that makes him happy. He discovers this thing that genuinely brings him joy and he’s probably thinking that, at this point, it’s worth the harsh words because he’s gonna get harsh words either way. Might as well take the path that affords him at least some semblance of an enjoyable time being alive. So he clings to it. Allows himself to continue to do what brings him joy. Gob has little to no self worth but he really gave it his all with his love for magic and that’s pretty cool, I think.

#amending my ‘essay’ about how it’s good that he allows himself to cry #*he has two wins #i’ve been trying to form out an idea for what Gob’s childhood would’ve been like #it’s interesting to ponder on #another day another arrested development essay written #gob bluth #arrested development

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dustedmagazine · 2 years

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The Mountain Goats—Bleed Out (Merge)

Bleed Out by The Mountain Goats

John Darnielle spent the COVID lockdown watching action movies, obsessing, as he has in the past, on the mythic qualities of male violence. Bleed Out, as a result, is even more than usually rife with desperate characters — tough guys, militia men, mercenaries, special forces dudes, muscle for hire — all the more frightening because of their absolute certainty. Whether training for the knock-out round or ordering bullet-proof armor on Amazon, every one of his guys is a hero, at least in his own estimation. “We’re going to need more bandages,” shrills Darnielle late in the album, and indeed, the potential for collateral damage is very, very high.

It's at least tangentially interesting that this paean to/send-up of/commentary on toxic masculinity was produced by a woman, Alicia Bognanno of Bully. But maybe it’s more relevant that it was helmed by a rocker. This 21st Mountain Goats studio album is a stripped down, punch-drunk, rock ‘n roll affair, less suave and slinky than the Stax-infused Dark in Here, more brutally forceful than Knives Out. The band—as always Darnielle, plus Peter Hughes on bass and other instruments, reedist Matt Douglas and Jon Wurster on drums—is especially tight and emphatic. “Training Montage” begins, as Mountain Goats songs often do, with the tense staccato of guitar strums, the barked-out litany of well-chosen details, but it explodes like a footballer’s bicycle kick after Darnielle declares, “I’m doing this for revenge.”

We can argue all day about why men are the way they are right now (or ever), whether it’s economic anxiety or thwarted supremacy that’s pushed them to load up on ammo. But there’s no question that a thread of violence runs through every place where the male sex gathers, from the trading desk to the factory floor to the gun show. It’s not just in the movies that Darnielle has been watching. There’s an every-man-for-himself tilt to the world, where even the soccer dads and middle-management types might find themselves nodding along to lyrics like, “It’s losers all the way down, stay undefeated.” That’s from the album’s flat-out banger, “Wage Wars, Get Rich, Die Handsome,” a sing-along celebration of nihilism that pounds and punches and exults in itself. The song is not exactly uncomplicated — its lyrics are typically oblique and astute — but it reads that way.

The best of these noir-ish vignettes, however, is to my ears “Guys on Every Corner.” With a squall of sax and a sledge-hammer bass riff, it moves with a sleek assurance. It’s a decadent, polished kind of boogie, and it is layered over with terse, precise lyrics that build up an entire world between the ellipses. As Darnielle yelps out lines about tabloid stars and unmarked cars, special forces and inside sources, and mounted police in riot gear, the song turns lurid with threat.

These songs aren’t exactly ripped from the headlines, but you can’t hear the line “We may run out of bullets/we’re never going to run out of hostages” (from “Hostages”) without thinking of Uvalde and Buffalo and whatever mass shooting occurs between now and when you read this review. Darnielle never mentions January 6, but how can you hear “Need More Bandages” without flashing on the Oath Keepers. What I mean to say is that the imagery may have come from forgotten 1970s films, but it’s everywhere around us now, and we all know what happens to the minor characters in action movies.

Jennifer Kelly

#dusted magazine #albumreview #jennifer kelly #mountain goats #bleed out #merge records #john darnielle #toxic masculinity #action movies

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thewingedwolf · 1 year

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after the 100 of it all, i’m always just a lil paranoid i’m gonna have people bitching at me in my ask box about how my shipping and character preferences offend them and clearly i’m not a Real Gay aksjdjdj but like. i like villain/hero dynamics when they are acknowledged to be fucked up!!!!! i love a good evil queen!!!!! she just has to be COMPELLING.

i genuinely enjoy the dynamic sandor clegane has with the stark girls, i think it’s a very interesting analysis of the ways in which toxic masculinity and patriarchy hurts everyone under it. but i’m not sitting here saying sansa and arya aren’t clearly scared of him (they clearly are and they are right to be, for all i hope he finds peace, he’s a violent man with no scruples about killing children & is only shamed into not sexually assaulting sansa when she starts literally singing to him bc she doesn’t quite understand he’s about to rape her. from a reader’s standpoint - fascinating!! the standpoint of the 13 year old he’s got a knife on? not so fucking good!) or that sandor is some innocent victim of the bwb, even tho they all know god damn well he’s a butcherer of children and innocent peasantry. i do hope he’s reunited with one of the girls bc i think it may be healing for sansa or arya to see the way their compassion shamed him into attempting some sort of redemption of his clearly tattered soul, and while there’s clear romantic imagery surrounding him, because of the way his story plays around with what a true knight is, I do not want that relationship to develop into the romantic or sexual, because he’s a grown fucking man who met them when they were 11 and 9.

i like theon because i find him to be one the only characters i’ve read who starts off as a villain and then genuinely, actually decides to reach for redemption when it presents itself before him, and i want him to live because i think it would be an interesting foil to robb, and also, while i would vastly prefer tyrion stays a villain and goes out in a tragicomic villainous reign of fire, i think it’s clear grrm loves him and wants him to die a hero’s death, even if it’s an eleventh hour turn, and i think the contrast of tyrion earning redemption through death while theon is forced to constantly prove himself until the day he dies without complaint because he understands there is no real justice for the harm he has done to the innocent - that’s far more compelling to me than theon just dying protecting the family he was a hostage to his entire childhood, especially when theon’s greatest sin isn’t being a turncloak (genuinely, who gives a shit, i do not think adult theon owes the starks his loyalty when he spent his whole childhood under the threat of ice) it’s the killing of the two miller’s boys and the sexual abuse of the women he interacts with, and dying for bran resolves neither of these sins.

but also - i have my limits aksjdjdj i am allowed to think petyr baelish is a shitty little pedophile and root for his death at the hands of Whomever (my favorite bet is LSH, my most likely to happen bet is Brienne in defense of Sansa/on Sansa’s command) while finding Daemon compelling as a character, and unlike the creepyshippers, i am Not out here pretending he is not 100% a targ weirdo out here fuckin his niece while randomly being a halfway decent dad and a mediocre to murderous husband aksjdj it is about The Analysis, and some of these villains and anti heroes are simply not written sexy enough for me to waste words on. call me when littlefucker dies as a teenager grasping his throat and reaching for his mother, another victim of the patriarchy’s toxic hold on this hyper violent culture (oh wait, that’s Joff, not baelish, bc baelish is an annoying little bitch and i can’t wait for him to fuckin swing lmao)

#it’s fine if sandor freaks you out bc he’s meant to!! i just personally find him fascinating even if i think sans@ns are out of their #fuckin minds if they think a teenage princess is gonna marry a landed knight twice her age who threatened to rape her. bruh.#rani attempts meta

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lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks · 3 years

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If you ever do write for Dash, what direction would you go with him? What would his motivations be?

(I like seeing him as a closeted romantic who drinks the toxic masculinity kool-aid and Danny is his "favorite" because he has feelings for him and that just makes him more insecure and angry, but I don't think that would be fun for you)

oooh I feel like Dash very much fits into the category of someone who has been moulded by his expectations

canonically we know that he collects teddy bears, and has a tiny dog named uhhh Pooky? I think? he's clearly got a soft side that he keeps very firmly closeted (literally in the teddy bear case)

I thought maybe his obsession with football could be a parental influence, the cliché football dad pushing him in one direction, but that's boring and overused, I want him to have a dad like the Coach from trollhunters tbh, big Sport Man but also Super Nice and Supportive, mean jock having nice parents is a dynamic I really dig

so then I thought, this would have to be either self imposed expectations or pressure from friends or the school, Dash has mentioned multiple times in the canon that he has a very bleak outlook for his future, he has very little confidence in his abilities outside of football

I propose that Dash struggles so much in school that he has to rely on football as his one only ticket to success, maybe he has an undiagnosed learning disorder or dyslexia, something that's made it almost impossible to study properly and learn at the same level as other kids, leading him to rely on his physical prowess alone as a career option

and his whole attitude wouldn't be solely because he has learning difficulties (that's rarely a reason or excuse for treating people like shit and also a stereotype I don't wanna lean into) it's more that he's surrounded himself with other jocks who've built this toxic environment that made him bury his shit deep down and he's become afraid to ask for help for fear of ridicule

he doesn't force other kids to do his homework because he has a learning disability, he forces kids into doing his homework instead of asking for help because he's been taught that asking for help is for losers, the behaviour is a direct result of his social group and the education system failing him by not looking more deeply into his struggles, teachers will just always assume he's lazy and not ask further questions

so he struggles in school without understanding why, relies on football as the One Thing he can do well, but falls into that awful jock mentality that makes him a pretty shitty person, but he can't get out of that because he relies on being good at football, he can't lose his place on the team or the respect of his teammates, it's all he has, he is trapped in that toxic cesspool

so he walks like them, talks like them, shoves other kids around like them, and when he finally starts to realise there might be a reason he's struggling, he keeps his mouth shut about it because he doesn't want to get special treatment because he doesn't want people to know, because teenagers are fucking awful and his 'friends' would absolutely give him hell about it

I'm sure his parents would have figured something out eventually and that's why he ends up being tutored by Jazz, maybe she was willing to research his issues and work with him to find a way to manage it discreetly

so I don't think Dash would have been an awful guy by nature, I think if he hadn't lumped himself into a bad crowd he wouldn't be so insecure and wouldn't have to take it out on anyone, I think he really does like soft things and cute things and little animals and he absolutely has a secret instagram full of softcore vibes, and he's probably really sweet to his parents and behind closed doors

I also think the only friend he's open to about this is Kwan because Kwan is also Peak Soft Boy but he struggles to hide it, which is why in the one ep where Danny was given a place at the popular table, Kwan was the first guy they kicked out, Dash probably felt pretty bad about that but he couldn't let the other guys think he was going soft, they all voted Kwan and he felt like he had to follow suit, otherwise it would be him next time

I think he picks Danny as a target because Danny is probably a lot smarter than he looks, Dash might have been stuck sitting next to him at some point in middle school and watched Danny scribble out his work at the last minute and still get pretty decent marks

it probably pisses him off that Danny is so clearly really smart but just can't be bothered doing the work properly (when really Danny is adhd as hell and struggles in his own different ways)

so Dash picks him to do all his homework, because he knows Danny can do it, and he thinks Danny deserves it for wasting the skills Dash wishes he had

and Danny does it, because he's scared of Dash and also because it keeps Dash from shoving him in his locker tomorrow, he'll do the damn homework because he just wants to get through the day

Dash probably gets a whole lot worse once the events of the show take place because Danny was barely managing to get everything done to begin with but now with a chronically disrupted schedule via ghost shenanigans, he can barely get his own homework done let alone Dash's

which is why Dash gets extra personal about it, Danny is once again wasting his potential, he's failing his classes because Dash can only assume he's being a lazy piece of shit, instead of being a cripplingly exhausted neurodivergent superhero

honestly if his teachers had picked up on his difficulties early and he was given the help he needed he could focus on more than just football and not be stuck completely relying on that social group, he probably wouldn't even resent Danny, I like to think that he eventually starts to mellow out halfway through high school as people start to grow up and become less petty

I like to think he chases down Danny after graduation and gives a genuine apology for how he treated him, once he's come to understand himself a little better (talking to Jazz really helped), Danny doesn't forgive him right away, but is willing to let Dash earn his forgiveness by proving he has really changed, he probably gets involved in support groups for troubled kids as a way of atoning, keeps the cycle from repeating

so yeah those are my Dash thoughts, a soft boy by nature who's the victim of a shitty education system and toxic masculinity, but he comes out the other side alright

#asks #lula's headcanons #danny phantom #dash baxter #I am both Dash and Danny tbh #I'm almost 100% certain I have dyscalculia #I got brutally humiliated for asking a question in math class in my first year of high school #NEVER ASKED A QUESTION AGAIN #I JUST S U F F E R E D

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k-s-morgan · 3 years

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I understand liking hannigram,merthur and sebaciel but destiel? What makes you ship it really? Dean is the straightest character i have ever watched.

Oh, I really have to disagree with this! Even without Castiel, who Dean is in love with on both subtextual and pretty much textual levels, I cannot see him as anything other than bisexual. Dean’s emotional repression is a huge part of his character. Embracing his sexuality, his softer nature, his quirks is a very long journey that stretches for all 15 seasons, and while it's still not resolved fully by the end, it comes pretty close to it.

I think it's a beautiful contrast to see Dean, who starts out as a walking stereotype of a straight masculine guy that has sex with every passing woman, abhors 'chick flick' moments, and desperately tries to earn the approval of his toxic father, gradually transform into a man who loves cooking, who sings ridiculous songs out loud, wears silly pajamas, underwear, and other clothes he wouldn’t be caught dead in before, who hasn't bothered to sleep with a woman in years and who openly enjoys domesticity. The Dean who loved putting on pink female underwear yet considered it shameful is still there, but now he's much more open about his personality - he's a happier and freer version of who he was. Sexuality and feelings for Castiel are just a part of this big picture.

About destiel and Cas in particular: he and Dean share an endless amount of both text and subtext. I've also never seen more mirroring with other romantic couples than the writers do with them. Here's a couple of fan edits that display just some of such mirroring.

Longer video

A shorter one with parallels between Destiel and Sam's love interests in particular.

Dean is a man who always wanted a family and a person who would love him unconditionally, and he always ended up hurt. As an abused child forced to grow up early, he's completely love starved, and his self-esteem is non-existent. He and Sam have an unhealthy relationship because Dean doesn't understand that people grow up and move on to build their families - Sam does, and this creates a rift between them.

Dean: “You and me and Dad—I mean, I want us….I want us to be together again. I want us to be a family again.”

This shows the state of Dean's mind and his views on love. Dean wants to stay with someone forever. He craves loving and being loved, he longs for constant contact. He wants to share his life with someone, and in his mind, it can only happen with Sam and John because they are the only people he knows how to love. It doesn't matter how flawed their family is, it's all Dean's got. Unconsciously, he's trying to assign the role of a life partner to Sam and John, and obviously, this could never work.

Like Sam says, "Dean, we *are* a family. I’d do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before."

The script adds: "Dean looks heartbroken."

But Sam is right. Their co-dependency emerged because in their childhood, they had no one else. No friends, no meaningful connections, no long-term bonds. And as life has it, most family members drift apart with time: they still love each other, sure, but they pursue different interests and they start their own families. Dean doesn't get it. Sam is ready to open his heart to others, but Dean isn't - this is all he knows and he’s too scared and too emotionally closed off to learn.

And that's why observing him with Castiel later is so fascinating. There is suddenly an angel of the Lord who worships him, who structures his whole existence around him, who loves him and values him above everyone else. And finally, after all those years, Dean starts to understand it. He's still fiercely attached to the concept of family, but it begins to expand, and the more he clings to Castiel, the more he lets go of Sam, the healthier and more balanced their relationship becomes. Sam finally becomes a brother who has his own life but who'll always be there if needed; Castiel becomes someone who is going to be there always, period. And Dean can finally become truly happy. Cas helped Dean feel special and loved in a way he's never been before, and this very premise is something I really love. I could probably write a novel about their dynamic alone :D

I think the fact that Dean is in love with Castiel back is confirmed canonically after Cas' confession, when Lucifer, who only ever turned into people's love interests, took Cas' form for Dean. To me, though, Dean's feelings were textually confirmed back in S10, when he expressed that there are "people" and "feelings" he'd like to experience for the first time, and in S11, after Amara's clone told him she senses love in his heart that's cloaked in shame (and we know it wasn't about an actual Amara). There are plenty of moments like this and plenty of men apart from Castiel that help illustrate Dean’s bisexuality.

#destiel #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #casdean

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deanwasalwaysbi · 3 years

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Castiel - First on his mind - 13x01 - 13x05 - Destiel Canon in Early Season Thirteen

So I’m still not over this. The confession before the confession. This is the moment that I completely stopped questioning whether Destiel was canon. At the end of season 12 Dean has just lost everyone but Sam at once. There is not much whiskey spilled for Crowley, and Sam is unwilling to accept the loss of Mary, but neither of those are what Dean is focused on.

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Dean prays to god - to chuck - I think for the only for only the second time in the entire series. Dean prays in earnest for the return of Castiel. He mentions others but he has just lost his mother and yet his first demand is “and now you’re going to bring HIM back. You’re gunna bring them all back.”

Dean mentions everyone, his family, bobby, even Crowley, but he starts with Castiel. It parallels Castiel’s first version of the 15x18 deathbed confession in 12x12. “I love you. I love all of you.” A mirrored response.

Below the cut for full analysis of Dean’s prayer, grief, and closet themes in the first 1/4 of season 13.

Dean’s prayer goes unanswered and he beats the door up in a visual homage to brokeback mountain (x). It is at this point chronologically that Dean completely loses his shit. In the car on the way to the pirate stop Dean is unable to say the words out loud.

“Let’s see, Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cass is... ... Mom’s gone, and apparently the Devil’s kid hit puberty in 30 seconds flat.”

Sam asks if Cass is really dead and unable to say those words Dean goes stoic as he can and says, “you know he is.” Dean’s upset, very upset, and that grief and anger is not focused on Mary.

Dean gains a tiny instantaneous moment of hope from a demon who then completely smashes it.

After his prayer Dean becomes completely inconsolable, an angry vengeance machine, the killer he used to project himself to be. The change is supposed to be such a plot point, such a surprise twist, that it is only revealed LATER that it happened. Such a major plot point that it must be teased and foreshadowed, with Sam asking Dean, “Dude, whatdiyou do to your hand?” Giving the viewer their third clue that Dean did not have this cut on his hand from the fight with Lucifer and Jack.

Dean spends five full episodes without Castiel after dropping to his knees beside Castiel in 12x23, and in that time we see Dean unravel.

In 13x01 he no longer cares about secrecy, immediately explaining the situation to the sheriff. We see him choosing to approach Castiel’s body alone, looking upon him with such deep pain, tenderly wrapping, pausing multiple times to steel himself so he can finish that task. Sam continues to get more and more concerned for Dean’s mental state. Dean taking out his anger and rage and grief all on newborn Jack who continues to do nothing wrong and idolizes Dean.

We see Dean drink himself under the table, rage against Sam and Jack, and actually become suicidal, killing himself in an unnecessary way with a flimsy excuse. Billie sees it and notes something has changed. He no longer believes he can win and no longer wants to live.

At the shifter Psychiatrist, Dean says that Sam is delusional because Sam won’t admit that Mary is dead, “If he admits it then it’s real. If it’s real, then he has to deal with it, and he can’t handle that.” Yet we repeatedly see Dean trails off unable to say the words that Castiel is dead. This is not how Dean has reacted to the loss of Sam, John, Mary, Charlie, or any other familial loved one.

In his loss of Castiel, Dean becomes John in the aftermath of his loss of Mary. Dean becomes the abusive father to Jack that he himself grew up with. Jack has a moment of self harm and Dean ‘comforts’ Jack by telling him he’ll kill him so he can’t hurt anyone else.

Jody’s Speech to Patience - In Contrast to Dean’s

In addition to Dean’s grief the writers show Dean struggle with his identity - with whether to stay in the closet. In the third episode of the season - Patience - Dean tells Patience to deny who she really is.

“This life, [hunting] there’s no joy in it there’s nothing but pain horror and death. So if you get a chance at normal, you take it.”

Jody corrects Dean. In disbelief. “You don’t have to listen to him, to either of them if it’s not what you really want.” Jody then talks about her daughter Claire, her gay daughter Claire.

“I asked her to stay in line, to fight who she really was ‘cause I thought it would keep her safe. It didn’t work. It never does. ... you try to force it down to make someone else happy, you will only make yourself miserable.”

If that isn’t a blatant acknowledgement of the metaphor I don’t know what is. This stopped being subtext and became... text. Jody has dropped Dean clues about overcoming toxic masculinity before. In 12x06 Jody and Dean talked about big feelings, and that conversation was preceded by Dean beings shocked that Jody could be both badass & like chick flicks at the same time. She’s been teaching him. However, this time was much more directly and specifically about coming out of the closet, about living in a way that is true to yourself.

After the loss of Castiel, the Dean that had developed over 12 years was gone - and he only returns upon the return of Castiel, right in time for tombstone.

Meanwhile we get Castiel’s side - where he is being tortured by the Empty with his love for Dean and his fear that Dean doesn’t love him in return.

Everytime Dean can't say Cas is dead I die a little inside.

"...no matter who we lost, whether it was Dad or -- or Bobby or... And I would take the hit."

"...and now Mom and ... and Cas... And I -- I don't know. I don't know."

Dean was in love with Cas. Dean is bisexual. Dean has spent 12 years unwilling to admit it.

Dean had been repeatedly lit in orange in the car rides, but the second he believes Castiel is alive his face is inexplicably relit in white light.

We then come to the final shots of the episode - where the camera COMPLETELY IGNORES SAM and focuses exclusively on zoom in reaction shots between Dean and Castiel while “It’s never too later to start all over again” plays in this conclusion to a five episode romantic longing and grief arc completely platonic reunion between two dude bros.

We also see the Orange Light / Dean’s Ongoing Fear of Loss Motif come to it’s climax, the burning of Castiel’s body (13x01), and Castiel’s return (13x05).

I legitimately don’t know what the writers thought they were doing if they WEREN’T explicitly writing a romance story.

It was much later that we learned there was an angle we never got of their reunion, where Dean was cupping Cas's face and neck in his right hand.

But we do get the look on Dean's face in 13x06 when he's able to get his arms around Cas after he's deflected and called Cas 'Pal' again, Gif via @inacatastrophicmind

Bonus - Dean’s stages of grief by @mariethalienne

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amesstm · 3 years

Text

AOT boys with a badass S/O

Characters: Eren, Jean, Levi, Reiner, Armin, Erwin, Zeke, Porco,

A/N: Not me secretly wanting to enforce my top energy into my writin. P.S. I do not own literally any gifs because I do not have that talent so check these folks out!

Eren Yeager

You bet that this boy came to you for help with his ODM gear

“Y/N, can you please help me?” Eren would ask with a pout and puppy eyes.

Ngl, you enjoyed having him beg for you. Okay not like that but maybe later

You help him out and all that, growing closer because you’re just that good

Mikasa gets jelly because someone is getting closer to Eren with as much gains as she has – seriously, how does she have such nice abs with little protein??

HOWEVER, when he shows off his Titan powers and starts to edge towards your Titan kills? >.>

Don’t do this at home, kids

Well, you two would make it a competition to see who could have more kills after every expedition

Levi would promptly kick your butts, as he could, because he’s the only one who can

The only time Eren could beat you in a fight was Post-Marley. Sorry, I don’t make the rules

Jean Kirstein

At first, he’d be intimidated by how strong you are

Let’s all admit it, this boy had a bit of toxic masculinity going on so he’d probably be like “wtf, a girl can’t be this strong.”

Did I mention that you could get this lanky, tall boy into a chokehold?

Because you do :

Afterwards, he doesn’t make those comments for obvious reasons.

He’ll start to respect you much more. Soon, he might even like when you show off your skills

Toxic masculinity? Gone.

Simping? Fully.

If you were to get into a fight, Jean wouldn’t even be concerned lol. He’d just watch like “yep, that’s the girl I love landing a roundhouse kick” - super casual

He loves when you stand up against people, especially if you’re small. When you landed a blow on Eren, Jean might’ve gotten a nosebleed.

Levi Ackerman

At first, it’d start with respect until it shifted into something more than that.

Again, he wasn’t looking for much when he went into the Scout Regiment beyond just saving his friends from trouble.

But when his friends – uhh y’know, stuff – the emotional strength you also had?

Your ability to comfort healed him and brought you two closer

When you two started to date, it wasn’t much of a surprise. In fact, it seemed like it was the right thing to do because power couple much???

Honestly, everyone is intimidated by you two when you’re both on the field

Regardless of your personality – be it bubbly and dorky or stern and quiet – there’s a presence you both carry

Like somehow you and him can go toe-to-toe with each other easily

Titan kills? Almost equal.

Assisted kills? Close.

Ability to make Eren Yeager shut up? Definitely equal.

Reiner Braun

Because of Annie, he was already used to strong girls in his life

What he wasn’t used to was being put into a chokehold from what looked like an unassuming opponent

Where did you learn this??? It wasn’t even in the program???

He doesn’t understand but he likes it – you being strong, not the choking. Just for clarification.

Or does he?

After that, he’s asking to spar with you in the hopes of not being forced to submit to you

Unfortunately for him, you always have him in submission

What can I say? Natural top.

Even if you’re not a top, you certainly can make Reiner a bottom

Armin Arlert

He’d love it without a doubt. Literal simp since day one for you.

Armin would probably remember meeting you beating up these bullies because

Sure, Mikasa existed but... why like her when you’re there?

At the beginning, you’d basically be his bodyguard.

No one was allowed to make fun of his bowl-cut without the consequences. Periodt.

But after his glow-up???

Let’s just say ummm baby boy don’t need that much protecting anymore

Erwin Smith

Okay imma be real, he probably just sees you as a means to his goals

Hold up, hold up. But that’s because he trusts you to get the job done

His confidence in your abilities is so high because he knows you could kick anyone’s ass in the whole regiment – except for Levi’s, of course.

But then his time working with you led to more than just respect

Unlike him, his façade about caring for humanity was a stark contrast to your willingness to die for the people around you

You were everything he wanted to be. You may show off sometimes but you surely had the credentials to back it up. You had a strong will and moral compass

You made him want to be better than he already was

Why did he charge into death on that suicide mission? Because you would do the same. Or you had already done the same.

Zeke Yeager

Y’all, brains and brawns but make it a couple

Okay, you can have smart moments but that’s not the point of this

You were the only qualified kid that had little interest in being a Warrior

It’s not that you didn’t want to help out your family, but likeee your dad was the past Armor Titan. You didn’t like saying goodbye to him

So, when Zeke told you he was entering the program, you might’ve punched him in the gut

And you might’ve ran off crying

For someone so tough, seeing you cry showed Zeke a whole new side to you. Because you hated being vulnerable, you refused to cry in public

Cue Zeke and you having a moment uwu

“You don’t always need to be so strong. You know that right?”

Porco Galliard

You know that he’d make it a competition.

If you’re competitive, too, it’d be a daily thing where you try to out-perform one another.

If you’re not competitive, but still win??? Nah, he’d demand rematches

He loves your natural ability, but he also admires the determination to enhance your technique

Porco is the type of guy that loves strength and respects those that are better than him

He just loves a strong woman

You were the counterpart that he didn’t think he’d ever meet. Someone that finally meets his standards without even trying? Wow.

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catie-does-things · 2 years

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I posted 2,070 times in 2021

586 posts created (28%)

1484 posts reblogged (72%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.5 posts.

I added 1,399 tags in 2021

#catie answers things - 289 posts

#anonymous - 236 posts

#dceu - 213 posts

#ultimate edition 2021 - 180 posts

#catie writes things - 99 posts

#urzai have lots of kids au - 85 posts

#same bat tag same bat time - 79 posts

#avatar the last airbender - 77 posts

#fire nation royal family - 76 posts

#art - 65 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#sun and moon and stars of heaven and fire and heat and cold and chill and wind and rain are all works of the lord and give him glory!!!!

My Top Posts in 2021

People will try to tell you about Zack Snyder’s “toxic masculinity” but he wasn’t the one who cut every scene where Cyborg shows an emotion or decided Aquaman could only talk about his feelings honestly if he accidentally sat on the lasso of truth, just saying.

448 notes • Posted 2021-03-20 15:17:50 GMT

Zombie King Zeus: I just want to reign over my rightly ordered zombie kingdom with my zombie consort and raise our zombie baby in peace

Humans: too bad we want Money

467 notes • Posted 2021-05-22 03:50:09 GMT

hot take what makes zuko’s redemption arc unusually good for television was not anything the character did or didn’t do but the simple fact that it was clearly planned from the start of the show and the groundwork was being laid for it from the early episodes of the first season rather than the writers deciding to bs a redemption arc for him later on down the line just because he was a popular character

919 notes • Posted 2021-09-28 19:19:24 GMT

A non-exhaustive lists of Good Tropes in fics about Luke and his Garbage Cyborg Dad:

Luke allows himself to be captured by Vader in order for his friends to escape.

Luke gets captured by someone else who, possibly not knowing who he is, treats him badly. Vader shows up in full rage mode to Save His Boy.

Luke gets captured by someone else who, knowing exactly who he is, tries to hold him for ransom. Vader shows up in full rage mode to Save His Boy.

Vader already has quarters on the Executor ready and waiting for Luke, obviously right next to his own. Bonus points if he also has an all black wardrobe ready and waiting.

Vader trains Luke and is really Proud of his accomplishments. Luke is bothered by how much this means to him actually.

The crew of the Executor are really confused about why this notorious rebel is suddenly wandering around their ship, in theory he’s a prisoner but he’s sure not being treated like one, but Lord Vader says it’s okay so.

Luke’s Force presence is Warm and Bright. Vader’s Force presence is Dark and Scary but also Luke starts to find it weirdly comforting.

Luke and Vader talking to each other with the Force.

Luke eventually being able to sense Vader’s emotions with the Force and realizing he’s a complete wreck.

Luke gets hurt and Vader is worried about him.

Vader gets hurt and Luke is worried about him.

Luke finding out about the extent of his father’s physical trauma and being like :(

Luke finding out about the extent of his father’s psychological trauma and being like :(

Luke asking Vader about his mother.

Vader telling Luke about his mother.

Luke sees Vader without his mask and/or sees an old holo of Anakin and realizes their eyes are the same color.

Vader says something very blunt to the effect that Luke is the most important person in the entire galaxy.

They’re stuck somewhere cold and Vader gives Luke his cape to keep warm/use as a blanket.

Vader accidentally reveals that he also grew up on Tatooine. Bonus points if podracing comes up.

Luke getting to fly alongside his father and having a blast.

Luke and Vader fixing droids or fighters or something together.

Luke and Vader finding out about the Leia plot twist together.

Piett is not paid enough to deal with any of this.

1229 notes • Posted 2021-01-25 23:13:14 GMT

some of you really think a religion is supposed to be like a cute little expansion pack of add-on beliefs to go with secular liberalism and not a fundamentally different way of knowing and understanding the world around you huh

2076 notes • Posted 2021-06-01 22:05:03 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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