#will post my full piece once we get the green light!
Text
I got my contributor bundle from @normandyzine today and all I can say is WOW WOW WOW!!! Everything came out beautifully, and you can tell how much love went into each and every piece.
I was so honored to work with so many talented and passionate people, and a special shout-out goes to the Mod team - they are incredible and helped make this project such a success!
A million thanks to those who supported this zine, and keep an eye out for leftover sales if you’re so inclined 👀
#mass effect#me3#mass effect 3#me2#mass effect 2#priority Normandy#mass effect zine#I pogged when I saw the package#will post my full piece once we get the green light!
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
HOW I’VE BEEN SUCESSFULLY LOSING WEIGHT: Notes from a former binge eater ♥️
*this guide is to show how ~I~ do things and offer advice on how to do it MY way. I am in no way encouraging anyone to do themselves harm. First off,
HEALTH IS WEALTH.
That being said.. this is literally the longest I’ve ever gone without bingeing. It’s just,,, easy this time. Once you get a feel of what it’s like to be skinny you just don’t crave junk as much anymore bc you KNOW it’s not worth it. The trick is to eat clean 90% of the time and allow your favorite treats 10% do the time. Fit them into your calorie limit!!! Here’s some personal favorites that have helped me lose like 20lbs in the past 2 months.
I tend to do one higher- calorie drink during the day (protein shake, Starbucks, etc) and one healthy filling but low cal meal and a sweet snack at the end of the night.
LOW CALORIE 90%
Mediterranean salad (~150): mixed greens, chopped bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, red onion. Little bit of feta cheese. Balsamic vinegar (not dressing or vinegarette!!!!) I don’t add meat but you could totally add chicken for low cal high protein choice. You could also add olives but I don’t fw them.
Chocolate Protein shakes from the gas station (loll). They’re 220 cal on average and a great treat. Strawberry one is good too.
SEAWEED SNACKS they’re literally 30-60 calories for a pack and kill my urge to eat chips!!! Please give them a try!
Soups. Soups that are already portioned and have the calorie amount posted. I add extra seasonings and spice to boost metabolism.
Coffee!! With almond milk and a little coffee creamer. It’s worth the calories if you want a coffee just make one it’s better than going to Starbucks.
Sushi: I’m vegetarian so I get an avocado and cucumber roll. It’s so good with fresh ginger and a little soy sauce. Sometimes I will be craving it allllllll day and have it as my OMAD so rewarding 🥹
Miso soup>>>>>> add tofu and seaweed and onions!! And mushrooms if you like them.
Monster Ultra energy drinks,,,, yeah I know they’re bad for you but I love them.
Fruits!!! I especially love strawberries, watermelon, cherries, blackberries, pineapple and mangoes.
TREATS 10%
Trail mix: dried cherries, pecans, walnuts, pistachios, cashews. High in calories but perfect for killing hunger. High protein keeps you full and muscles strong, high healthy fats will keep your hair and skin and nails beautiful.
Chocolates: SMALL PORTIONS. if you can’t eat just eat a piece without bingeing, do NOT buy a big bag. what I do is I buy a bar of whatever chocolate I’m craving for my bf and we share it piece by piece. Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white, hazelnut, with coffee beans, with toffee, fruits, chocolate is the best thing ever 🍫
Starbucks! My fav drinks are matcha lattes (hot/iced), iced white chocolate mocha, caramel macchiato, and occasionally a pumpkin spice latte. Peppermint mochas on the holidays. Oat milk always
Baked goods. Same deal as the chocolate, ONLY BUY THE PORTION YOURE GOING TO EAT. If you have been craving a croissant, go get one. One. Don’t buy a whole dozen of them. You will end up bingeing trust me. My favs are cinnamon rolls <3
Habits
I’m going to the gym!!! Consistently for the first time in my life. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Spend 30 min on the treadmill alternating between incline walking and easy paced jogging. Put on a YouTube video. Wear pink and bring a cute water bottle. You have to make an experience out of it! I stick to cardio and full body stretches plus ocasional (light) strength workouts w my bf.
I don’t drink anymore. Just 🍃. Alc is so high in sugar and carbs and it’s literally poison bro. I know it’s hard to stop but once you do you’ll feel so much better.
I rarely weigh myself. I’m at my bfs house all the time so I only step on my scale maybe 3 times a month. It’s been a game changer!!!
MINDSET
I practice mindfulness and speak kindly to myself. Basically sweetspo + affirmations to myself all the time.
Taking more pride in your appearance will also help motivate you. You think you’ll still want to binge after you took a full body shower, clean PJ’s or outfit, painted your nails, skincare and makeup done, whitened your teeth and lit a candle? No thanks.
Limit stupid, negative, useless media consumption. Watch things that have to do with your hobbies/ interests and your social media algorithms begin to kinda clean themselves up over time. My pages are all about exercise, study blogs, beauty tips and sciencey stuff. No more drama or celebrity nonsense. Cut down your following!!
Remember you only have one life on earth. You’re young and hot once. Don’t you want to grab this chance while you have it? Unfortunately your beauty is your currency especially as a woman, so if there’s anything I can do to give myself a better life I will. Losing just a few pounds of fat will make the craziest difference in ways you’d never expect. Free and discounted stuff. More people smile at you and listen to what you have to say. Both literal and figurative doors will be opened for you.Clothes fit better bc they’re more flattering when your body is fit and healthy. While it feels good to get validation from other people, the best part of it is looking in the mirror and feeling proud instead of ashamed. The inner confidence that comes from successful transformation………….there’s no other feeling that compares. If you know, you know. I’m just saying,, the choice is yours 🤷🏼♀️
#tw ana fast#ed bllog#tw ana shit#tw ed rant#tw restriction#ana rant#ana trigger#ed di3t#i will be thinner#thinspø#low cal food#recipies#low cal restriction#low cal diet#tw ana diary#anablr#anami4#edtwitter#ed tings#ed not ed sheeran#tw edd#skinnni#tw thinspi#thinps0#thin$po#dieta ana#pr0ana diet
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
the rebound girl: chapter three
pairing: nerd pro-gamer jeongguk x reader
word count: 20.7k
a/n: so sorry for not updating for like almost two months atp. had some personal stuff and with genocide that is happening in gaza, i personally felt like it wasn't appropriate for me to post. please continue to support in any way you can whether that's with uplifting voices, going to protests, boycotting and donating. the smallest action can make a difference.
just a heads up, i won't keep a update schedule which i apologize for but i will do my best to be consistent :)
also i write this authors note, the golden concert finished and we got the enlistment notice for vminkookjoon. it's fine everything is fine they sooner they leave the sooner they come back hahaha :( (i'm crying as we speak)
warnings for this chapter: kissing, lots of ass grabbing, oc is down baaaaad, and so is jk tbh, oral (fem and male receiving), two orgasms for you, 69 position, some very light spanking and praise. jk drinks it like water. some slight dom/sub undertones (jk is a switch but not in this chapter :o)
other tags: a good chunk of angst, slut shaming, spreading of fake rumors, finally oc backstory on the nickname!!, mentions of marijuana, jeongguk asks the girls how to eat cat 8-) and he is once again green flag obvi
fic masterlist
song for chapter: seven by jungkook ft. latto and slut! by taylor swift
enjoy!
-mal <3
You wake up surrounded by warmth. The streams of sunlight coming in from your window thanks to your slightly parted curtains bathe your skin in gold, along with the thick duvet thrown over your body, and the thick arms wrapped around your waist.
For a second, you forget everything that happened last night.
The way you were panicking and how it escalated to kissing, touching, marking; how your lips wrapped around his thick and long length and how Jeongguk’s fingers pushed you past the edge. You can’t believe it. That one of your childhood best friends is lying in bed next to you right now. A man who made you feel so good that you want another taste.
You cringe at your thoughts. You’re really starting to sound like Mrs. Robinson right now.
Turning your body in his grasp, you face Jeongguk who has been hugging you from behind. His cheek is pressed into the soft pillow, puffed up a bit so his lips look extra pouty. His eyes are peacefully shut, body raising with his breath, and his shirt is all ruffled from him moving around so his collarbones are slightly exposed. You can see the marks you left on him, vibrant and pretty against his honey colored skin.
Without thinking, your hand picks up to gently glide over the surface. The skin feels the same but internally, you feel waves of smug, almost masculine, pride at the sight of them. As if you’ve branded the guy to be yours.
Your cup his right cheek, smoothing underneath his eye with your thumb. There’s a little tug with the thin skin, slightly sagging with a lack of sleep, but he looks so beautiful and peaceful like this. Jeongguk has amazing eyebrows; full, dark and perfectly shaped. You run your thumb over thick short hairs before pushing some of the hair messily strewn over his forehead out of the way. Strands silky and smelling of his shampoo.
As another finger goes to trace his earrings like the pieces of a wind chime, Jeongguk stirs. A soft whine barely leaves him before he’s tugging you closer so that your head is tucked into the crook of his neck.
His arms wind around you tightly, squeezing you just a bit and forcing a laugh out of you.
“Hey,” you call, feeling like a boa constrictor has coiled itself around you.
Jeongguk murmurs under his breath. “Five more minutes.”
“But I can’t breathe.”
“Figure it out.”
“Jeongguk,” you giggled, playing with a lock of dark hair that was all fluffy without a brush, tugging slightly to get him further out of sleep. “Cmon, you’re already half awake.”
There’s a fullness in your bladder. You need to pee and fix your hair and brush your teeth and make yourself look presentable before Jeongguk can actually take a good look at you. And breakfast too. You’re hungry.
“Which means I’m also half asleep.”
“Hmm but you’re responding in full sentences.”
“Ugh,” he rolls over and away from you, something you instantly regret. “Okay, fine. I’m awake.”
His hair is a birds nest on top of his head, sticking up all over the place, but a thought crosses your mind of Jeongguk with a perm. A perm and longer hair, framing his face in a shaggy 90s style, and your insides turn to mush.
Anything would probably suit him with a face like that.
And his body is absolute perfection. You get the urge to reach under the covers, under the fabric of his shirt and feel his stomach once more. Like you’re confirming the presence of steel cut abs and wide shoulders and squishable pecs.
“Sleep okay?” You ask him, turning on your side to watch his chest expand and recede with his breathing.
Jeongguk nods, rubbing one of his eyes. “Like a baby. You?” His head turns to face you and he’s got this dreamy, half-awake, smile on his lips that makes you melt.
“Same.”
You want to kiss his cheek and snuggle into the warmth of his chest. Jeongguk was so comfortable to sleep next to you and his body, while taut, is huggable like a giant teddy bear. He didn’t mind you clinging to him at first, slowly turning away when it got too hot or you wanted to change positions. It was honestly some of the best sleep you’ve gotten.
Carefully peeling the covers off, you stretch your arms up to crack all of the tightened areas.
“I’ll put out a disposable toothbrush for you and,” you turn around to find Jeongguk slowly sitting up, looking cute with your patterned sheets underneath him, “then we can talk about breakfast. Are you a savory or sweet kind of guy?”
Jeongguk’s eyes flutter upwards in thought, lips quirking to one side. “Hmmm, I usually have savory but I’ll try sweet.”
“Awesome. Waffles?”
“Hell yeah.”
The rest of your morning is pretty simple after that. Almost as if Jeongguk never slept over. You do your regular routine and leave the bathroom to him. You feed Snowball and give her as much attention and love as she desires. She’s chirpy in the morning and the minute Jeongguk emerges from the bathroom, you’re forgotten news.
She trots over to him, fluffy tail bouncing, and flops onto her side as Jeongguk pets her side and scratches her cheeks and under her neck.
You can’t help but stare at the scene with a warm gooey smile on your face. Jeongguk has always loved animals and seeing him interact with them is such a soft, sweet, beautiful moment.
Going back to the kitchen cabinets, you pull out your waffle maker and make a few with the batch you’ve prepared. Some with chocolate chips sprinkled inside. Knowing Jeongguk, you put out some chopped fruit, bacon, and make some fluffy eggs. You want him to be full and happy when he leaves.
Plus, you like doing stuff like this; cooking for people and making them happy. It’s fun.
Jeongguk strolls into the room, humming a song under his breath and pausing when he sees the spread you’ve put out for the two of you. Looking like a continental buffet at a hotel. Your head turns and you smile as he stares down at the steaming plates.
“Wait…I should’ve helped you. I’m sorry,” he pouts, twisting his fingers at the base of his stomach.
The stove is turned off when you walk closer to him. Droplets of water cascade down his neck and you can see the bright wine colored hickeys you left on him last night on his honey skin. The sight is delectable. You want to mark him again, mark him even more, but also don’t want to get too hasty with how much you touch him. It was a one-off after all.
You wave it off. “Let me do this for you,” chiding, you push him to take his plate over to the coffee table/desk thing you’ve got then grab yours. “Now let’s. Do you want coffee later?”
He shakes his head, hair swishing with his movements. “Trying to cut back on that. It’s worsening my anxiety.”
You pause. “I didn’t know you had anxiety.” The air sizzles in silence, the only noise cutting through being the sound of your plate hitting the surface of your table. Snowball chomps on the pellets of her food. Your backs collide with the edge of your bed, shoulders brushing, knees inches apart with your legs crossed over each other, and all you can smell is Jeongguk.
His cheeks get pinker, pursing his lips while starting on his food. “Yeah. I was diagnosed in high school. Working out helped a lot with it and same with gaming and sketching but the more I drink coffee, the more anxious I get.”
“Oh… I’m sorry.” You wilt next to him.
You know how bad it can get. You’ve seen your friends struggle with it, having attacks before a large test or getting fidgety in public spaces. It’s terrible.
“S’ok. I’m doing a lot better than before.” You watch out of the corner of your eye as Jeongguk eats. He’s nonchalant about it which calms you. “Taehyung tried to get me into smoking weed with him but I feel like that would worsen it.”
Snickering, you start eating too. The image of a relaxed Taehyung and a paranoid Jeongguk, when it’s usually the complete opposite, is sort of hilarious.
“Yeah,” you laugh. “Weed is either amazing for people with anxiety or it will literally give you a panic attack. Especially if you smoke too much.” Thinking back to your first year of college, when you decided to go crazy by smoking a joint and from a pipe and then from a bong, while in the middle of a forest on a camping trip.
Safe to say, you thought someone was going to come out of the bushes and beat your ass for smoking underage. Jeongyeon had to take you back to the dorms and help you calm down. It was bad.
But it was a learning lesson and you know to pace yourself with weed now. Unlike your friends, you don’t do it as often. It’s great when you’re plastered though or if you want to really enjoy a meal.
Jeongguk laughs with you. Then his eyes focus on something and you stop halfway when bringing the fork of food to your mouth. Raising an eyebrow in question, he just reaches over to tuck your hair out of face and behind your ear.
“You can say no but,” he exhales, fixating on the way your lips pout just a bit as you chew, “I really want to kiss you right now. Can I?”
Then your stomach flips.
He’s such a good guy, you think. You aren’t used to being around good guys.
Probably because deep down you think you’ll ruin them or you don’t deserve them but hey, you’re no therapist.
Jeongguk is too good. He’s too sweet and you just know that whatever brew of emotions that is bubbling up in you screams trouble but you simply can’t hold yourself back. Not when he looks this cute and soft and pretty in your room, asking politely to do your hair for you, eating the food you made him after a night of passion.
Swallowing whatever was in your mouth, you drop your fork on the plate and get up on your knees. Jeongguk’s reaction is comical. His eyes widen like he’s going to get yelled at, hands jumping to his sides but that is far from the truth.
Instead, you settle on his lap, wrists crossed behind his neck to toy with the back of his soft hair.
“Wh–did I–” he doesn’t even get to finish. You kiss Jeongguk briefly on the nose.
His eyes blink largely at you, bouncing down to your lips in a silent plea, and who are you to say no to someone like Jeongguk who asked so kindly? Leaning back down, gently connecting your lips with his in a soft slow kiss. He meets your movements, smooth lips kissing you back wetly while his hands move to your hips.
You don’t mean to get lost in the kiss but it’s quite hard. Jeongguk is really good at kissing and his body's so warm against yours. Pressing closer, you try to lick into his mouth to deepen the kiss but Jeongguk’s hands slip down and grip your ass harshly.
Gasping, you pull away. An unexpected action from him since he was so careful and gentle with you last night but you liked it.
The sheer thought of him getting rougher with you has you wet.
You decide to finally answer his question. “You can do whatever you want with me.”
“Whatever I want?” He teases back.
“Mhmm.”
Jeongguk pushes some hair out of your eyes. “Giving me all of that power is a bit dangerous, you know?” And even though he’s joking and you know that, you take it literally, wanting him to know this before he leaves.
Because it’s the wholehearted truth.
“I trust you, though. I trust you a lot.”
Jeongguk isn’t going to treat you like most of the men in your life. He won’t discard you for someone better, stringing you along with kind words just to get you to do what they want, and leave you broken hearted. He simply isn’t that kind of guy. He’s sweet and patient and attentive. The kind of guy you should be going after.
Sadly it’s taken you this long to realize it and this much hurt for you to change but it’s a start.
His eyes glimmer at you from your spot. You almost don’t want to get up because of how breathtaking his eyes look reflecting the stars hidden by the light.
“I know you won’t hurt me,” you continue, enamored. “So do what you want and if I don’t like it, I’ll tell you, okay?” Cupping his round, soft cheeks in your hands, you wait for nod. A slow, sure, steady one to cement this declaration right then and there.
Just as you lean down for another searing kiss, your phone starts blaring from your bed. The alarm you forgot to switch off. Fuck.
With a groan, you press the off button and your normal phone lock screen shows a notification from your mother. Still on Jeongguk’s lap, you press on it to read her text.
mom
stopping by in thirty
wanted to drop off some kimchi before i go back home
Fuck, you forgot. Your mom had an offsite trip for work in Incheon and before going back to your apartment, she wanted to give you some food for the weekend since your apartment was in between.
There’s no way she’ll let it slide that Jeongguk slept the night and your mom is no idiot. With all of the hickeys on his neck and the awkward we-wanna-fuck tension that is ever building between you two after last night’s taste, you’ll be getting grilled till you’re on your deathbed.
Quickly, you send her a thumbs up and toss your phone onto your bed, then look down at Jeongguk’s confused, cute face. “My mom is coming over in thirty minutes. Do you think we can finish by then?”
“F-finish what?”
You’re confused for a whole second until you remember you’re on his lap and you were just making out with him. A soft giggle leaves your lips before you press another kiss to his nose and a quick kiss to his pouty lips.
“Finish eating.” Finger trailing along the soft cut of Jeongguk’s jawline, flicking the hanging hoops in his ears. “Sorry baby, we’ll have to reschedule the other thing.”
The pet name flies out once more but you’re less upset about it. Jeongguk doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, his reddened ears tell you quite the opposite.
You try to get up once more but Jeongguk’s arms wind tightly around you. With a soft thud, your ass hits his lap again. He isn’t hard and his sweatpants are thicker than you remember it to be so you don’t feel anything. But the action still surprises you.
“You can still stay here and eat with me.” He demands petulantly. Big eyes, the roundest nose, cutest cheeks, and all of those moles scattered across his face like stars in the sky.
And how can you say no?
Breakfast is finished with you perched on his lap delicately, back against Jeongguk’s chest, while watching some random children’s cartoons that happened to be playing this early. It’s comfortable, almost intimate to be eating this close to each other and not have it be sexual. You had fully expected things to get raunchy today, especially when you were kissing, and usually when you stay over with a hookup, morning sex is promised.
Considering the extraneous variables, that can’t happen today, so you imagined Jeongguk would drop the closeness and go back to being platonic to you. Having him do the opposite is surprising.
You really like it.
Jeongguk’s chest is warm, broad, firm with muscle, and he smells like a mixture of his own scent and your skincare products. His arms fit snugly around you, like you can melt into his touch without another thought. You love the way he feels. So much so that tearing apart to let him leave is borderline painful.
Snowball has it especially rough. She rubs her head against Jeongguk’s calf, purring and trilling fyr him to stay and pet her when he’s posted by the door.
“I’ll be back soon. Don’t worry,” Jeongguk coos, tugging at her cheeks and smoothing over the area.
You want to cry at the visual.
The walk down is silent. Your keys jingle in your hands, shoes tapping on the linoleum floor, and Jeongguk doesn’t say much until the elevator takes the two of you to the lobby and outside your apartment building. It’s a slightly overcast day out. The sun peeks through the clouds and happens to land right on Jeongguk, illuminating him like an angel.
“So uh… I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?”
You nod slowly. “See you.”
Fuck it, you think, stepping off the platform leading into the lobby and wrapping Jeongguk in a quick hug. Arms around his neck, hugging him close to your body and giving him a firm squeeze.
Jeongguk returns it quickly, like a reflex. It’s soft, warm, and just what you needed before letting him go.
Just before your arms slip, you kiss the mole on his neck once, and slowly push off. You really don’t want to. You feel so safe whenever he touches you and smiles at you but you really don’t have any other choice.
“Bye noona.”
“Bye.”
Jeongguk’s departure is quick, waving bye as he crosses the street to get to the subway station further down the block. But you still feel the lingering ghost of his lips and touch on your skin. Almost like you’re savoring it for one more second.
And you’re so caught up that you don’t even notice the camera aimed at you that’s been snapping pictures for the past ten minutes.
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
The day had been weird the moment your foot stepped onto campus.
Being the esteemed rebound girl meant that people looked at you. Mostly men but you still got glances, sexual ones or judgy ones or interested ones. Not that you’re bragging, you never warranted them in the first place as they always come with negative intentions, but the glances you were getting today felt different. People were whispering, more than usual, and it was starting to bother you.
The first thing you did was check to see if you were wearing pants. Which you were so we can count accidental nudity off the list.
Then you rushed to the bathroom to check if you accidentally sat on a chocolate bar or bled through your jeans or your bra is showing through your shirt or there’s a line of toilet paper stuck to your shoe.
It has to be a physical issue. Otherwise people would be reacting like this, right?
But you didn’t find anything on you. Not even a smudge of mascara.
It’s weird because you’re dressed rather simply. A black hoodie with some light wash jeans since you were in the middle of your period and didn’t want to deal with putting in effort today. What the fuck is everyone’s problem then?
Looking down, you walk as fast as you can from class to class, barely talking to anyone besides your friends and only if absolutely necessary. In between classes you have your earbuds in and you avoid any eye contact. Even during discussions, you sit in the back and draw in the margins, not even bothering to listen and contemplating leaving early. A group of girls that you recognize to be from Juri’s group are being especially nasty, giggling whenever you look in their general vicinity.
This is starting to get really annoying.
With a half a mind to ask them what’s so fucking funny, discussion ends early and you have a lunch date with the rest of your friends so you bolt out of there, slamming your lunch tray down on the table with much confusion from your two friends. You explain it to them while eating in hopes that they can crack the code too.
“Maybe they think you’re pretty,” Nayeon tries.
“I didn’t even put foundation on. I highly doubt they think I’m pretty,” you mumble the last bit, crossing your arms over the table and resting your forehead on them. “They’re laughing at me.”
Like a fly buzzing by your ear, their giggles irritate you beyond comprehension.
Embarrassing. That’s the best way to describe the surface of how you feel. Embarrassed and paranoid and scared because of how everyone seems to be in on a joke except for you.
For a second, you go back to the insecure teenager in high school who just wanted someone around. Who wanted love and affection and popularity because who fucking doesn’t at that age? Only for all of those popular cool kids to be making fun of you, laughing at your expense, and reminding you of everything you were insecure about. This feels just like that.
“Do you think Wooshik did something?”
You look up, scanning the cafeteria for a mop of black hair and he’s chilling with his new girl who he’s been absolutely obsessed with judging by his expression. He looks like he’s having the time of his life ever since you two ended your little spat.
Wooshik is petty but only when he’s been slighted. If he’s happy then he’s pretty harmless. So there’s no way it’s him.
“Nah. There has to be something else.” You start picking at the skin on the side of your thumb, where it’s gotten a bit dry thanks to the change in weather.
The cafeteria is loud today, more people opting to stay inside rather than walk around for a restaurant to eat at since it’s bound to start raining any time soon. It feels like millions of people crowd in every pocket of space available yet your brain fixates on the eyes trained on you. Like they are all pointing, laughing, guffawing at whatever joke they are making at your expense. You start to sweat, feeling cornered in your spot.
You should be used to this being the college’s rebound girl but everyone’s disdain for you has never been so apparent. People stuck to their occasional disapproving looks and maybe, there was a low comment when news of you hooking up with another person circled the campus but it’s never been this bad before.
All of the worst possible outcomes form inside your head. Did someone sneak into your house and take nude photos of you? Maybe someone from your high school came and told some bullshit story?
What else could the reason be?
“Hey guys.” Jeongguk smiles, setting down a cup of instant noodles and pulling you out of your spiral. “Taehyung and Jimin are in the bathroom but they’ll be here soon.” Gently, he plops next to you and the scent of him is enough to calm you down.
Familiar, sweet and soft as always.
And he looks great in a navy blue Nike hoodie and black jeans, oversized as always, but you’re one of the few people that knows what he looks like underneath all of those clothes.
So much honey toned skin; a chiseled stomach and chest; defined arms and legs; gorgeous, truly gorgeous.
Jeongyeon furrows her eyebrows at him. “Why aren’t you eating the cafeteria food?” She asks with concern.
“Ah, I'm not super hungry. I had a big breakfast,” Jeongguk waves off, showing the ⅔ full cup of ramen he had. “I’m probably gonna go home early too since I have a League of Legends match with my team soon.”
You nod in response, half-listening. Jeongguk had explained his gaming league thing to you a few days ago. He used to be on a team for fun but he’s currently trying to join a semi-professional one for fun since he isn’t in any clubs or organizations on campus. Not that Jeongguk is particularly interested in those but, these gaming leagues have been calling out to him for a while.
Anyways, this game is supposed to serve as kind of an audition and if he does well enough, he’s in. You silently hope for his success.
Then there’s a gentle nudge at your side. “How’d you do on the physics quiz?” Jeongguk asks, taking some steaming noodles to his mouth with a pair of perfectly split chopsticks.
“100%.” You beamed. It was a shock to you when you saw the score online but mostly relieving.
“Yay, that’s great.” Jeongguk held out a palm for a high-five which you reciprocated, wishing you could just kiss him. The way he smiles so brightly was enough to get you to forget about all of the eyes on you, almost increasing when you started interacting with him. “Knew you could do it.”
“Well I’d have to thank my tutor.”
His eyes roll. “Sure but I barely did anything. You knew most of it already.”
Nayeon and Jeongyeon laugh at the face you make, then prompt Jeongguk to try to get him to start tutoring them. When he asks what subject, they just say all of them, which makes him cutely blush for some reason. He’s a deadly mix of cute, adorable, sweet, hot and sexy and you cannot handle when each of those characteristics hit you in one go.
You almost start to tease him about it when a set of two drop harshly onto the table’s bench with an air of annoyance around them. Suddenly, all of the bright happiness floats away.
“Jeongguk, have you been lying to me?” Taehyung asks point blank with a hurt expression on his face. Jeongguk’s smile begins to fade.
“About what? You know I was just joking when I said your orange hair looked funny–”
The brunette’s frown deepens. “Not about that. I mean about the girl who supposedly dumped you? And who the fuck is RG anyways?” Taehyung asks with a shake of his head, coffee colored tufts swishing in the wind.
RG?
“What?” Jeongguk’s chin pulls back.Your panic is instant. “What are you talking about?”
Jimin cuts in with an annoyed groan. “Some guy in the bathroom was telling us about a rumor going around that this older girl dumped you and now you’re sleeping with someone else to get back at her.” Your stomach drops. No, this can’t be happening. “Apparently it was posted on some forum called–”
“GossipLeaks,” Jeongyeon supplies. The younger three look at her in confusion while Nayeon cringes. “It's this depraved site where losers with no social skills sit and refresh the page for drama from every department to fill the void inside of them instead of getting a job. Usually a person will upload a picture or start a thread and people will exchange gossip, start gossip, discuss gossip or talk shit until their fingers start bleeding. It’s hell on earth.”
You hate that fucking site so much. It played a huge role in creating your reputation after all.
Almost every single person on campus is there. Nayeon went slightly viral when she dumped her situationship for Jeongyeon by throwing a smoothie over his head after he said something rude to her. Someone threatened to leak their ex’s nudes to the website because they were cheated on. Incels crowd on so they can hate on women while others live for the gossip, scrolling relentlessly to point and laugh even though their lives aren’t anything to be proud of.
It has yet to be taken down since nothing bad is actually exchanged besides harsh words but the site is barely moderated. Not as much as it should be.
Anyone who crosses a line has the potential to be sued but since most college students are broke, the possibility is rare. Sounds amazing, right?
Now poor Jeongguk is at the receiving end. You can’t believe someone is lying about sleeping with him and about him rebounding with someone else. Jeongguk hasn’t even had sex before and (as far as you know) you’re the only person who has touched him. Who could do something like this?
“Show me the post,” he asks, resting his elbows on the table’s surface.
Jimin searches it up on his phone and then places the device down, scrolling through the threads with a small pointer finger and clicking on one, then turning it towards you two.
The pictures take a second to load but reading the post header was enough to make your mouth run dry.
RG’s newest conquest: some loser 2nd year that was brutally dumped by Social Sciences student representative Kim Juri over the summer.
Oh great, Juri spread the rumor. Now you have the perfect reason to manifest her getting shit on by a bird.
“Wh–” you can’t even finish your sentence. The pictures load and it’s even worse than you imagined.
First is the two of you standing outside of your apartment building. There’s a breath of distance between your bodies and you’re laughing at something he said. His face crinkles as well, the dimples on his cheeks pop out. It looks friendly but it can easily be misconstrued.
And the second one is of the two of you hugging, squished together like you’re trying to become one whole person, and that seals the deal.
Your heart drops to the heels of your feet. You’re RG. Of course you’re fucking RG. Rebound Girl = RG. It’s practically part of your identity.
Suddenly, everything is making sense. The people laughing, staring at you; it’s another scandal all over again only this time, you roped in someone you actually cared about instead of someone broken hearted you decided to sleep with a few times. Now his name is soured by the stench of your bad decisions.
You want to cry. You didn’t–you couldn’t drag Jeongguk or anyone else for the matter into your mess.
It was always your problem to handle on your own. It was always your cross to bear. The guys you fucked never mattered once it was all said and done. Most of the time, they got street cred or they were praised while you were the dirty slut so it wasn’t like you could feel bad for them. They were always painted as the winners. But you’re terrified of what this could do for Jeongguk.
Would he get harassed? Made fun of for giving in easily? Would he lose his chances of finding someone he actually likes this year?
Would he want nothing to do with you afterwards?
You begin to panic, spiraling deep into the depths of your self-hating brain. How could you miss someone snapping a picture of you two in broad daylight? You should’ve done better.
This is the worst possible thing you could imagine coming out of hanging with Jeongguk is that he would become privy to the mess that is your social life. A small part of your brain even considered this, especially after Jeongguk rejected Juri but you let it go and now you’re pissed because you should’ve been smarter.
You should’ve pushed him away, studied on your own that night. No, you should’ve been more careful.
You should’ve never thought you could openly hang out with him and not suffer the consequences. What were you thinking?
Once everyone has read the post, Jimin takes his phone back and continues scrolling through. No one says anything for a moment, then:
“Guys, don’t believe a word that comes out of Kim Juri’s lying mouth. She hates us,” Nayeon motions to you, her and Jeongyeon, “and she’ll do anything to make other people follow suit. Trust me.” She stresses, even abandoning her meal to reiterate. Jeongyeon nods animatedly. But the problem is much deeper than that.
You wanted to be friends but she never entertained the idea after you got labeled as the rebound girl. Constantly tormenting you, throwing your promiscuity in your face, and denying your efforts to reconcile.
At some point, you grew some humility and dropped the idea of you and Juri ever getting along. You’re a girl's girl but you also don’t hate yourself to desperately pine over some mean girl’s approval.
So, now things have turned out like this.
This is so annoyingly unfair. It's tiring living like this, pretending like you aren’t bothered and that taking the high ground will benefit you. All you do is let Juri get away because you know deep down that fighting back has no point.
“What a loser,” Jimin curses, turning to you with that apologetic look on his soft features.
Taehyung does the same. “Yeah, she must have a lot of free time on her hands if this is all she does.”
You return their kind words with a weak but meaningful smile. It doesn’t make the storm brewing up inside of you go away. It just makes things worse. Because yes, Juri is a loser but she’s only a loser in your eyes. Everyone else sees her as the complete opposite. People will always be on her side. She’s done great PR to make you look like a dick-thirsty, back-stabbing bitch. There’s no way anyone would support you.
At the least, you’d have your two friends but Jeongguk and Jimin and Taehyung don’t need to be dragged into this war with Juri. Let them have fun, mess around, and be normal college kids while you take the heat. It’s always been that way after all.
Jeongyeon snorts. “She’ll get some karma in return for all of this. I can just feel it.”
There’s a slight lull in the conversation. You feel like the boys are doing their best to hold back from asking the question, the one that you really don’t want them to, while your friends are doing their best to maintain the light composure that was just there.
It’s coming. That question. You know it is.
Those words were blatantly on the screen and they aren’t idiots. They’re probably connecting the dots as you sit here and panic about it and you simply cannot handle those words coming from their mouths. Especially Jeongguk’s.
Considering you watched him grow up, he’s the last person you’d want to know about being the rebound girl.
Jeongguk’s mouth opens. You can practically see the cogs and wheels in his brain turn and that’s it for you.
Immediately, you get up from your spot. They all look at you, concerned and confused. There’s a heavy layer of pity that now disgusts you too much for you to stay.
“I should go,” you mumble, grabbing your things as quickly as possible.
All of their faces morph into shock. “What?” The three boys say at the same time.
“Babe, no, it’s fine.” Jeongyeon tries but you’ve already finished your food and your phone and bag are slung over your shoulder.
A single touch grazes the back of your hand. “Noona, you don’t have to–”
You shake your head and dip your eyes down, refusing to be reasonable.
“I’ll talk to you guys later. Bye.”
This is for the best.
Put some distance between you and Jeongguk, let the rumor die down a little, and then maybe you can hang out with him in private. Obviously no more kissing or hooking up so you’ll have to force whatever is growing inside of you to die off but you can do that. Yeah, no problem.
Then Jeongguk can find a girl he really likes and be with her without the implications of whatever went on between the two of you looming over his head and ruining his chances.
You turn and exit the cafeteria before anyone can stop you, taking long strides and putting a surgical mask over your face to block out your features. You even draw your hood up and shove earbuds in so you wouldn’t have to hear anymore whispers.
Although the effort is futile; all your brain does is repeat the same words over and over again.
Slut.
Whore.
Rebound girl.
They’re starting to become synonymous with your name. Maybe you should stop pretending like you’re anything different and just accept the name for what it is. Maybe Junho was right after all. Seojoon too.
Maybe you’re good for nothing else but a fun romp every once in a while. A tight hole and a soft wet mouth, pliant for any man who gives you attention because you’re so desperate for it, desperate for love.
You always thought that you were hardwired wrong by always believing men when they tell you that they’re broken and beg for you to lick their wounds. That you simply just never learn from your mistakes no matter how intense they get because of that idiotic faulty screw in your skull that wants you to give this guy the benefit of the doubt.
But maybe, you’re simply an awful person.
Maybe you don’t actually care about the guys. You just have some shitty savior complex turned into a hunger for hurting men. Maybe you’re an awful person who deserves this.
Before you can stop it, tears stream down your cheeks, rolling down your neck and underneath your hoodie as you walk as fast as you can towards the subway station. That tightness in your chest worsening as the very last bits of strength you were holding onto crumble into nothing.
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
The hangout was extremely impromptu.
Jeongguk hadn’t seen you for the rest of the week and he was starting to get worried. You had responded to his texts in short, curt words, saying you were sick and that your professors were emailing you PDFs of classwork so there was no need to pick up anything. When he offered to bring some soup, you declined once more saying your mom was already bringing some and since then, he hasn’t found another excuse to come see you.
It hurt. It hurt watching you get hurt, it hurt watching you hold back tears as you ran off to hide your hurt and it fucking hurts watching you pretend like everything is okay when it’s not.
Jeongguk doesn’t care about the rumor. So what if people were staring and he got teased every now and then? It’s not true so it didn’t matter.
But he realized, seeing your reaction, that the two of you were getting treated differently.
While everyone was praising him for getting laid by “rebound girl,” and other girls began debating his potential in bed, you were getting vilified beyond anything. He heard girls in his class degrade you, calling you a slut, a whore, saying that you’d sleep with anyone if it gave you enough attention. Jeongguk would glare in their direction, scaring them off, but the whispers still swirled around him.
After that, he wanted that stupid website to be filled with malware and be destroyed. Hell, he’d do it himself if that wasn’t a cybercrime. This whole thing has been blown way out of proportion.
And, holy shit, the things men have been saying to him…
It’s honestly disgusting.
Ayyy, get it Jeon!
Knew you were a fucking stallion behind that nerdy look you got goin on.
Did she suck you off? I heard she’s really good with her mouth.
Someone came up to him and expressed regret that Jeongguk was the first and only second year to get with rebound girl, claiming he wanted to be the first but because you’re so picky, he couldn’t. Jeongguk had almost punched him but Taehyung held him back, reminding him that he could lose his scholarship too if he stooped too low.
He hates this and he hates that you have to go through something like this.
For the past few days, all Jeongguk could think about was how strong you were. He doesn’t know how you got this nickname, why it’s such a big deal to everyone around you, but he wished it never happened. Thanks to this rumor, you had to grow a thick skin so that you could simply be you and not have to worry about other people but unfortunately, misogyny is rampant. It made you become strong, become resilient, and he wishes that it wasn’t because of that.
Jeongguk thought up some kind of plan to get Juri to take the post down or to publicly clear the air but he also didn’t want to play the white knight, trampling all over a situation that barely involved him. Stepping on your toes by trying to solve this could only hurt you further.
So all he could do was wait.
Wait for you to text back, wait for you to reappear.
Jeongguk grows antsy and he tries to distract himself from worrying. School isn’t helping one bit so he plays games and goes to the gym as much as he can. And when that doesn’t work well–
Thankfully, his friends are an interesting bunch which brings him back to the reason why this whole hang out started.
Nayeon and Jeongyeon were walking over with Jimin while Taehyung was hounding Jeongguk at the campus entrance over something he absolutely hates doing: buying weed.
“C’mon, he’s literally giving it to you for free!” Taehyung whined, showing the text on Jeongguk’s phone to him like he hasn’t already read it, eyes rolling at his friends’ desperation.
Let’s get one thing clear: Jeongguk has no problem with weed. He almost had an edible once by complete accident but he spit the rest out the minute his cousin told him that the gummy was laced with contraband so the effect didn’t do much for him. Being friends with these two dipshits means that the smell constantly follows him and he’s used to dealing with their giggly asses every now and then. Taehyung has a bong hidden in his apartment while Jimin aptly had a bright pink pipe patterned with cats all over it but he dropped it and loudly sobbed when the thing cracked in half.
He isn’t a goody-two shoes but, speaking candidly, he’s never really felt the need to do it.
It’s the same with alcohol. Jeongguk doesn’t get the urge to sit down with a beer and crack one open after a long day nor does he ever want to get shitfaced for fun. He needs to have complete control over himself and everything he does and everything he says because he gets the feeling that he’d be the type to tell someone his PIN number when inebriated or irritate everyone with his antics which is probably related to his anxiety but whatever. So nothing about the practice is relaxing to him. Getting drunk or high can actually make Jeongguk really fucking nervous but his peers disagree.
Especially Taehyung who is a staunch believer that smoking weed is the best way to calm down and that food tastes better when high. Jeongguk is a bit curious about that last bit.
But back to the begging. To make a long fucking story short: Jeongguk knows a dealer.
Not voluntarily. A seedy 3rd year who he also tutored over the summer made sure to let Jeongguk know that he would give him some free shit he wanted as payback for all of the help passing Chemistry. Never did he think he’d take the guy up on his offer until now.
Taehyung filled everyone in on the backstory and now Jeongguk has four people begging him like dogs wanting a treat. He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing in irritation.
“What if I get caught?” He asked; the most important question.
Jimin countered back. “You won’t. He’s literally going to hand you a regular-ass bag and no one will suspect a thing. We can take it from you as soon as you get back here and smoke some today,” he offered, met with cheers of approval.
Jeongguk’s chest twists. He wishes you were here to help. You were still nowhere to be found and he misses you so much. You’d probably laugh that cute laugh of yours, egg Jeongguk on with the rest of them but have concern in your pretty eyes to let him know that this wasn’t peer pressure. That he could say no and it wouldn’t be a bad thing.
Unfortunately, he has to face this alone.
Jeongguk gives the two girls a surprised look. “Did you two already finish your tin of edibles?”
“Nah, we’re gonna save that for midterms so we can get zonked and watch Shark Tale while eating fried chicken.” Jeongyeon answers, tugging Nayeon close.
“Awww,” Taehyung pouted. “Can we do that?” Turning to his boyfriend and gently gripping the sleeve of his shirt.
Jimin winked at the younger. “Whatever you want baby,” then turned to the other, “but only if Einstein over here can grow some balls and say yes.” Taehyung directs his puckered lips towards him, batting his eyelashes like a cartoon character.
Jeongguk is a weak man. He can be a people pleaser but only to those who he loves. His sisters, you and his two best friends fall into that category.
Because one pout from Taehyung and he folds, like the weak man he is.
“Fuck, fine. I’ll ask,” he unlocks his phone and texts the dude. “But only once! Just go to your trusted guy after this, okay?”
Taehyung and Jimin salute him. “Yes sir!”
Jeongguk texts the guy to hand it over to him after his last class after lunch, who was more than happy to supply the guy who helped him pass his summer classes. In fact, he looked proud, jabbing Jeongguk with his pointy elbow and saying that he’s finally pulling that stick out of his ass. Whatever, Jeongguk is not that uptight. He can have fun in lots of other ways!
But Jimin was right. The smell is barely there and the bag itself looks inconspicuous. His curiosity took over him to peek inside while walking with the others. There was a silver tin, a bag of powdered weed, a pack of peach ring edibles and two brownies.
“Fuck, this is so much,” Jeongyeon marvels at the bag as they reach the outside of ana apartment building, pulling out the silver tin and gasping when it opens up to a set of rolled joints. “Oh my, he gave you pre-rolled joints! We’re hitting these right now.”
Which is how Jeongguk found himself in Nayeon's studio apartment. Sitting around a coffee table with the spiked food and her TV playing Sailor Moon. He did his best to not think about how her room looked a lot like yours with all of the cute stuffed animals and posters and how her little pomeranian dog yapped happily whenever he gave it attention. The bed that he’s leaning against reminds him of the same bed where the two of you laid while your lips and hands and tongue made him feel things he’s never felt before.
Jeongguk can’t stop thinking about you. It takes all of his restraint not to shoot you a text, not to associate everything he sees with memories of you and that night in particular.
But he should stop so he idiotically doesn’t pop a boner with everyone else around. Thinking of you usually does that for him.
So he focuses on the clouds of smoke blown right in front of his face as Nayeon starts on the joint. She coughs just a bit, then passes it to Jeongyeon who takes two indulgent puffs and then passes it to Taehyung and then Jimin. Their eyes glaze over, tension from the long school day disappearing as the drugs take their effect.
“You wanna try it?” Jimin asks, holding the flamed stick towards Jeongguk. He stares down at it, then up at his friends’ reddened eyes.
Does he?
Everyone else seems so relaxed and Jeongguk could use some relaxation. Besides, it won’t kill him to take one hit. He’s surrounded by seasoned potheads so they’ll know what to do. It’ll be fine. Everything is fine. Maybe he’ll stop fretting over you and relax. Clear his brain for once.
Carefully, he places the tip between his lips and Taehyung explains the process. Inhale, hold it for a bit, exhale slowly. It’s supposed to burn at first and then it’ll get better. He coughs like a motherfucker and his throat might as well be on fire. But he drinks some water, tries again, and it’s a lot easier.
Weed has a particular taste that Jeongguk doesn’t mind. The smoke is somewhat bitter on his tongue and then earthy. He feels nothing then, five minutes later, he gets this lightness in his chest and head. Or a fuzziness is more like it. He’s almost sleepy and really hungry. Jeongguk begins devouring a packet of chocolate covered pretzels and then scarfing down two slices of pizza right after eating lunch only two hours ago. Those two things have never tasted so good before.
Jeongguk also finds that weed makes him giggly. Like really giggly.
He spent two minutes laughing at the way his toes looked with his toe socks on. Then about how long Taehyung’s fingers are in comparison to Jimin’s, then about the word duty (hilarious) to the point of tears springing from his eyes. Then Jeongyeon wanted to paint his nails which Jeongguk was all for and he chose a metallic midnight blue which she skilfully painted before starting on the others. Taehyung got maroon and Jimin got lilac.
Afterwards, the conversation lulled and their stomachs were full. Most of them were on the brink of falling asleep until Jimin proposed they all play a game.
It was basically the game Hot Takes but without any cards with prompts and dividing up into teams. Basically each person had to share a “hot take,” or an opinion/commentary that’s uncommon or meant to start a debate.
Which is a great game to play when the entire gang is not sober.
Taehyung started off with a simple one: people who don’t like pineapple on pizza are immature babies. This sparked quite the argument to the point where Jeongyeon was questioning their friendship before the timer went off. Then she shared hers.
Men who don’t like cats are red flags. This is factually true though. No one really disagreed so they moved on.
Then Jimin went. His was: Men who refuse to listen to female artists are also raging red flags. Very much true. No debate there.
Then Jeongguk: Vanilla is the worst ice cream flavor. It tastes like a candle. Like nothing. Jeongguk hates tasteless things. Some agreed with him, Jimin glared at him from the side but his cheeks were puffed with food so he’s nowhere near as intimidating as he’d think.
Then came Nayeon. She cleared her throat, then popped a green tea kit kat in her mouth. “As someone who has hooked up with both men and women, I can surely say that men don’t know how to give head.” She says confidently.
Silence rings in the air for a moment. Jeongyeon is sitting smug next to her girlfriend, while Jimin and Taehyung look confused.
And Jeongguk…well, he’s a bit confused too.
“Excuse you, I give great head,” Jimin places a hand on his chest, offended. “Have you seen these luscious lips? And I don’t have a gag reflex!”
Nayeon rolls her eyes. “Okay, well I don’t know how it goes for men but I’m talking about going down on women. They suck at it and most women agree.” Her arms cross over her chest confidently.
Jeongguk immediately thinks about you. He wants to know if you would agree.
Taehyung rests his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder. “How so?”
“They don’t do the right things. Porn has rotted their brains to thinking that moaning into it and moving their tongue around you is enough when it isn’t. You can’t just wiggle it around and expect me to scream and come like a paid actress.” Nayeon huffs. “I used to think something was wrong with me until,” she trails off, pink dusting her cheeks and it’s clear what she meant. Jeongyeon’s shoulders grow even higher with confidence. “A-and you can’t even tell them that it doesn’t feel good because then you bruise their ego and they’ll never do it again.”
Hearing that, Jeongguk begins to panic.
Is he like that? Did he not listen to you that night?
Fuck, he’s so selfish. Did you even enjoy it when he touched you? Did he even ask?
No You definitely felt something, he felt you coming, but was it good? Was he being selfish?
Oh god. Oh godgodgodgod.
“Honestly, they should take note from us,” Jeongyeon pulls Nayeon close. “I’ve never gotten complaints.” She looks cutely proud.
Taehyung pipes up. “I think us gays are just better at sex,” he feigns nonchalance while everyone hollers and toasts to their perfect, idealistic, amazing sex lives.
Everyone but Jeongguk.
All he does is think
That night when he got hard, he had no idea things would escalate to where they did but he’s so glad because he loved every second of it. From kissing, to your teasing tone, to your mouth around him, to his fingers inside of you and all the way until you came; it was perfect. Since then, Jeongguk has thought about another opportunity way more than he’d like to admit. He’s more confident now and he wants to try more things.
Gone is the first time insecurity. Jeongguk wants to take control, watch you shake and cry and beg for more. He wants you to feel good. That, in and of itself, is hot to him.
But he also wants to do well. Jeongguk doesn’t want to be like the guys Nayeon was talking about.
He knows the best way would be to directly ask you what you like but you aren’t here right now and Jeongguk knows he’ll chicken out when you’re all spread out underneath him and pretty all because he wants to impress you.
Besides, he’s relied on porn this far and if Nayeon says it’s a bad example, then he needs to learn.
Might as well take advantage of having two people who know how to please women and understand the basics.
Sober Jeongguk would never. Sober Jeongguk would worry himself into a panic attack and then use the internet instead of an actual person but sober Jeongguk isn’t here at the moment.
At some point, Jimin and Taehyung fall asleep on top of each other with their hands half inside the pizza box and that’s when he gains the courage to go talk to your friends.
Meekly, he slinks over to the kitchen where Nayeon and Jeongyeon are standing. Their backs pressed against the counter while the kettle boils some water for ramen. They’re laughing about something until Nayeon makes eye contact with him and kindly raises a brow.
“What’s up?”
He wasn’t so nervous at first but looking at her, Jeongguk is now getting nervous. “Um, so–uh– about the-the game we were playing,” he wipes his sweaty hands on his pants. “I wanted to–and please feel free to tell me to fuck off if you’re uncomfortable, I’m not trying to be weird or anything, but–”
“Spit it out, kid,” Jeongyeon teases, poking the dimple in his cheek and making him flinch.
Jeongguk exhales shakily, trying to slow his heart rate down some more.
“Are all guys really that bad when they…um, when they, you know…” He circles his hands so they can fill in the blank and thankfully, the two pick up what he’s saying. Nayeon laughs at his stuttery behavior.
“Well, I’m sure there are some guys out there that are great at eating girls out but not the ones I’ve met.” She takes a joint that was resting on a tray on the counter top, inhaling deeply, and then offers it to Jeongguk who accepts. “They just don’t know what they’re doing and they have no interest in learning, unlike women. Sex is an individual thing for them. Their pleasure and their feelings only.” Locks of honey blonde float in the air with the gentle breeze from the open kitchen window. “Why do you ask? Plan on doing it?”
He blushes, holding the smoke in for a few seconds before releasing it. “Y-yeah,” avoiding their eyes because this is so goddamn embarrassing what is he doing and it’s you he’s talking about. But they don’t have to know that. “I want her to feel good and you said that women are better at it. So I wanna learn how.”
Jeongguk wants you to feel good.
Ever since he first touched you, he can’t get it out of his head. The noises you make, the way your legs twitch and your hips rise when you’re just about to come is so fucking hot. Jeongguk can’t imagine how much sexier you’d sound with your legs wrapped around his head or seated on his face as you come over and over and over again. Wet and sobbing and spent on top of him just like you deserve.
But, he needs to gain some understanding before he does anything.
Jeongyeon smiles. Jeongguk is unsure if they know he’s talking about you or if they’re assuming he’s got some other girl on the side that he wants to please but he can’t worry about that right now. Golden advice is being poured into his ears like fresh ambrosia from the gods themselves.
“Alright, all you have to do is…”
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
“Are you almost home?” You hear your mom’s voice pour from the speakers in your earbuds.
Looking down the end of the street, you see your apartment building, so you bring the microphone close to your lips to speak. “Yeah, like ten seconds away.” Thank god too, your arms were hurting from carrying your tote bag and the packaged food your mom sent you away with.
After Tuesday, when you were publicly humiliated, you didn’t go back to school. Walking home in the rain without an umbrella gave you a slight cold and that combined with the pain you felt emotionally, resulted in you needing to go home for two days. There’s something about being doted on, eating home-cooked food, and the comfort of a parent that makes all sicknesses feel like nothing. Thankfully, she lives a 30 minute train ride from here on the opposite side of Seoul.
It was nice. You didn’t tell your mom about what had gone down. Just gave her a basic run down as to why you got sick and not much else.
Oh and you did tell her that you and Jeongguk reconnected but that’s about it. There’s no telling how your mother would react if she found out the two of you hooked up. You’re close with her but not that close.
But now that you’re feeling better, you;ll probably call him and explain yourself. Then put an end to hooking up for good so you don’t repeat this mistake.
“Make sure you carry that mini umbrella in your bag. I keep on telling you and you never listened to me,” she lectures, making you groan.
“I know, I know, you were right,” your tone is light so she can tell you’re just messing with her. “I’ll put one in my bag as soon as I get home, okay?”
“Okay,” she sighs. The sound of the doorbell rings in the background. “Oh shoot, okay. I have to go darling, the repairman is here to fix the washing machine. Bye! Stay safe! Eat the soup!”
You reach the front of your apartment building anyways so no need to call. “Bye mom,” you mumble back, opening the front door and then walking to the elevators because you are too exhausted for the stairs. To use them, you scan the sensor on your keys and press the up button.
It’s quiet in this lobby. No music, no group of people giggling or talking about their plans. It’s a Saturday evening and this building, filled with college students, is pin drop silent.
You hate it because it leaves you alone with your tired, buzzing brain who has not been kind to you these past few days.
Ever since that cursed post on GossipLeaks, you’ve been regretting the day you ever let a man into your life romantically. The day you had sex for the first time has been the catalyst in all of this. No peace, no happiness, just slut shaming and pain.
Honestly, what’s the most annoying part about all of this is that your body count isn’t that high.
Not that any number of hookups should warrant this kind of treatment. It’s no one’s business and shaming people for having healthy consensual sex is so lame.
Leaving Jeongguk out because you didn’t sleep with him, you’ve fucked about 30 guys. That’s over the course of almost four years since you had sex for the first time in high school. It’s not that bad. There are guys on this campus bragging about their count being in the 200s yet not a single word of criticism or judgment is thrown their way. They’re praised and seen as gods.
But when you have some fun casual sex every once in a while, suddenly you’re a harlot and you deserve nothing. Yeah, that sounds fair.
Switching the song on your playlist to 505 by the Arctic Monkeys, you exit the elevator to your floor and pull your keys out from the pocket of your hoodie. It’s dinner time and your mom packed your favorite.
You open the door to find Snowball yowling at you for attention. You had Nayeon and Jeongyeon take care of her while you were back home. She’s usually pretty okay with them but some days she simply needs to have you around. Today must’ve been one of those days. Cooing, you set your bag on the ground and reach towards her to scratch the side of her face and pinch her cheeks.
“Sorry baby, I’m home now, okay?” Snowball purrs in response. You pick her up and cuddle with her in your lap for a little bit until she’s had enough attention for now.
To compensate for your absence, you got some treats too and the little ball of fur happily eats up the salmon treats while you put the food away.
Then you light up a candle, open your windows to let the stuffy air out and begin on a few simple chores. Mainly putting the dry dishes back in the cupboard, cleaning the cat litter, some laundry and finally taking out the trash.
You always enjoy doing these kinds of things, especially after a long few days of eating garbage and wallowing in your sick sadness. It feels nice to have fresh sheets and an empty trash can (you do the others daily already). Like a reset, a new start, which is just what you needed.
Although, part of you feels bad for avoiding your friends for so long.
Let’s be honest, you were embarrassed beyond anything and then the rain actually gave you a cold so some time away was 100% necessary. However, you wish you didn’t storm out without much of an explanation. You were just so embarrassed and sad and you didn’t want to cry in front of people who were clearly laughing at your demise.
Bolting was the best choice but now that you’ve had your space, you really just want to explain yourself to the three of them, specifically Jeongguk who is directly affected by shit like this.
While boys have it infinitely easier because they aren’t ostracized for their sexual activity, he must be uncomfortable with all of the questions being thrown his way. Maybe you’ll call him over the weekend for coffee and let him know or you could actually just facetime him so you won’t have to leave your house. Whatever, you’ll figure it out later.
Before depositing the bags of trash to the large bins outside the apartment building, you take a quick shower, changing into a freshly washed set of clothes that are still warm from the dryer.
Smelling like fresh laundry and the flowery scent of your lotion, you hum a song under your lips while taking the three bags outside to the bins. You think nothing of it. It’s around 8pm, most people are out right now, either going back home or leaving it. Tons of bodies are expected.
Quickly, you round to the back of the building, dump the bags, and just as you turn the corner, your eyes meet that special pair.
Big, sparkly, innocent when they want to be, salacious at times, but endearing nonetheless.
“Jeongguk,” you exhale.
He looks good, great, actually. The wind has tousled his hair around, making it look like he styled it to be messy and fluffy. Jeongguk has mastered an effortless look with a dark blue windbreaker, black cargos and white chunky sneakers. You can even see some rings on his fingers that match the ones hanging from his earlobes.
Jeongguk turns at the sound of your voice and immediately rushes over to you. “Noona,” his eyes soften immediately, “Are you feeling better?” He asks, delicately holding you away with two hands on either side of your arms.
His touch is warm, even through the thick material of your hoodie. Makes your stomach flip.
“Yeah, lots.” You giggle barely, patting his arm softly. “What are you doing here?” Jeongguk removes his hold on you, shoving them into the pockets of his jacket.
“I had a meeting with my league captain’s place two blocks from here and I was going to catch the train using the station near your place.”
“Oh.” You open your mouth to say something but his stomach rumbles loudly and Jeongguk covers the area up with his arms in embarrassment, making you smile. “Hungry?” He blinks at you widely and cutely.
“Yeah but only if you’re okay with it. I know,” he looks to the side awkwardly, “I know you wanted space and all so it’s cool if not. I can get Subway or something.”
As kind as it is for Jeongguk to respect this boundary that you haven’t verbally admitted is already somewhat gone, you’d feel bad letting him walk around on an empty stomach.
“I’m cool with it. My mom packed way too much anyways.” You shrug to make him more likely to say yes. Thankfully, it works.
Jeongguk scratches the back of his neck, sniffling from the cold once and then nodding. So you beckon him to walk next to you, back inside your apartment building and inside the elevator.
The conversation is brief and minimal, mainly asking about his week and how his meeting with his league went. You get brief responses in return which make you think he’s either annoyed with you or simply too hungry for chit chat. It’s slightly annoying that you don’t have the courage to be forthright and ask him how he’s feeling as if you didn’t have this man’s dick in your mouth a week ago.
Come on, you think as the elevator doors part. What’s the worst that he could say?
“Yeah, I am annoyed because you left for three days and I haven’t heard from you since.”
Well, you had a reason and a valid one at that. Besides, Jeongguk wouldn’t be annoyed over something so understandable.
The keys unlock the front door and you hold it open for Jeongguk, who slips his sneakers off and is immediately met by a curious Snowball. The moment she recognizes him, she headbuts her head into his calf, purring loudly.
“Hi baby,” he coos, petting her after plopping on the ground. You watch from halfway to the kitchen, a smile instantly forming on your lips as Snowball practically melts under his touch.
“She missed you,” you muse. “Looks like you’re the favorite.”
Jeongguk snorts. “Doubt it,” he looks up at you through his lashes, flashing the one deep dimple he has on his cheek along with the various creases in his skin.
Your heart flutters immediately.
“I’ll reheat the food.”
There’s a comfortable silence that resumes among the two of you. Jeongguk moves to the coffee table, leans against the edge of your bed and pets a purring Snowball while you tinker in the kitchen. He turns on the TV, watches a replay of some Mnet performance and hums along softly. You bring the steaming dishes out along with rice and chopsticks, settling a comfortable distance from the younger and eating.
He doesn’t say a word. You change the channel to the k-drama you were just binging during the train ride that you’ve watched maybe 900 times and Jeongguk doesn’t say anything.
Your eyes well up at the romantic scenes and you bury your feelings into green tea Kit-Kats and tea. Jeongguk doesn’t say anything.
He doesn’t say a single word until the food is all done, the drama rolls the credits and Snowball has moved to a corner far away to sleep. Then Jeongguk gains the courage to ask you.
“Do you…do you want to talk about it?” Jeongguk asks meekly.
At first, you had no idea what he meant. Then it hits.
Of course he’d want some answers. It’s his name that’s attached to your stupid label. Not like you can keep Jeongguk in the dark forever, right?
You had prepared yourself for this so you weren’t as uncomfortable but when the time hits, you sort of want to crawl into a ball and die.
You sigh, keeping your eyes on the half-finished bag of Kit-Kats. “No… yes… sort of.”
The thing is, only two people know the full story: Nayeon and Jeongyeon. Your mom knows about high school but those two have every detail.
Usually, you wouldn’t be so keen on spilling this out to anyone but the look on Jeongguk’s face is genuine concern and he isn’t some sleazy hookup you met at a bar. Jeongguk actually cares about you. He won’t use this against you or shame you. He’s asking because he cares. So it should be okay.
Besides, it gets tiring holding all of this in from your mom and adding on each shitty story to the pile. It’s close to overflowing inside of you and you need to let some out.
Jeongguk is trustworthy. He knows you. So you decide to start from the beginning of all of this.
“My track record with guys isn’t exactly clean,” you start, staring at the Hello Kitty pattern on your socks. “The first guy I slept with only did it as a bet because he knew I really liked him.” There’s a drop in your stomach at the mere mention of Seojoon. His gentle laughter and rough hands and how he barely even flinched when he saw how much you were crying when you found out. “He told me we were dating and that he was in love with me. I stupidly believed him and let him take my virginity because I wanted him so bad that I didn’t even see the red flags. Then I saw him making out with another girl and… it sort of broke me.”
Back then, you were quite the target. You were poor, your clothes and books were cheap, you didn’t have the newest phone or the nicest stationery and other classmates loved to point that out about you. All you wanted was to be accepted, to have friends, and fall in love.
Everyone seems to romanticize teenage love but they never seem to talk about how difficult teenage loneliness is either.
Seeing couples or hearing people talk about love like it was so easy made you want to scream into the void. Why couldn’t you have that? You wanted it so bad but why wasn’t it coming to you? Were you not lovable? Not worthy of a crush?
Seojoon was supposed to be your chance at teenage love only for him to hurt you the most.
That summer break, you swore you were going to die alone. The empty loneliness began to consume you. All you wanted was for someone to care about you and instead you got ridiculed. For having feelings. It was awful and you never cared about love again.
Some part of your brain is convinced that men are incapable of feeling love. Look at your dad, leaving without a second word, and look at Seojoon. You loved them and they burned you.
“Then, I started college and I decided that I wouldn’t let another guy manipulate me like that ever again. I was going to stay single for a while which was fine because my department got along. We weren’t super close but it was cordial, especially us first year girls. We’d get snacks, do homework, bake together and gossip a lot. Mostly the latter because all of us were kind of obsessed with this older guy, Junho.” You explain, imagining his honey sweet smile and eyes. “He was a class representative for the Econ department with a reputation for dating around and all of the girls, aside from Jeongyeon, used to dream that one day, he’d pick one of us and we’d get our happy ever after.”
It was fun. He was sort of like the department’s prince charming or It-Boy. Girls would flock around him, sometimes you included, just to get a glimpse of the Junho.
Jeongguk rests his chin on his knees that are folded up to his chest, staring intently at you as you continue to speak. “The thing is, Junho was actually really nice even though he was a total fuck boy. He just had a quality about him that made everyone like him. He was sociable and easy to talk to and cute but I never made a move. I was perfectly okay with finding him attractive from a distance because in my head, he was just this guy I thought was cute. That’s all I allowed myself to feel while the other girls kissed his cheek and asked for photos when they could.”
You knew that was for the better anyways.
Guys like Junho were a lot like Seojoon. Their egos were nice and fluffed to the point where they saw girls as expendable. If one said no, there’s a high chance one will just because they’re so blessed in genetics. Back then, you didn’t want to suffer the pain you felt because of Seojoon so you kept a distance and smiled as the other girls were living the dream.
“At some point, one girl he was messing around with absolutely rejected him in front of everyone and you could tell it hurt because he actually liked her. He didn’t show up at school for a few days and when he did, he wasn’t the old Junho. Instead, he was standoffish and quiet. Girls still wanted him but the interest changed from wanting to pin him down with commitment to healing his broken heart.” You stare at your fingernails, chipped nail polish revealing your pink nail beds. “I still kept my distance. I mean, what happened sucks but I wasn’t going to worry about it.” That’s what happens when you treat girls like shit. “Until I found him buying soju at a convenience store one night.”
A big mistake.
Jeongguk’s expression doesn’t change one bit and you’re glad for that. It makes you think he isn’t judging you in his head.
“He says hi and asks if he can talk to me and even though I wanted to say no, I couldn’t. I was starving and I wanted to eat at the store but I couldn’t disrespect him by rejecting him unless I wanted to get mauled the next day at school,” you explain. The seniority was insane. Still is. “So Junho and I ate together and then he just started trauma dumping on me about his failed relationship.”
Going on and on about how he was such a good guy and she was the first girl he ever really liked and that she was different and that she could change him for the better. Looking at it now, that was a sack of shit but nineteen year old you was eating up every word.
Especially when he started hitting deep.
“He was crying on my shoulder and I just felt so bad. I mean, sure, Junho was a player but I know what it feels like to want someone so bad and almost be punished for it. So I tried to console him by giving some basic ass advice like it’ll stick around if it’s meant to be. I don’t even think he was listening,” a sardonic laugh leaves you at what comes next. At how idiotic you were. “I guess halfway through my spiel he realized I was a girl with boobs who was a inches away from him and his primitive man brain just connected these imaginary dots. Since I had sympathy for him, I must want to console him even further with sex. So he asked if he could kiss me.”
Jeongguk doesn’t say anything but his chin tucks in and that’s enough of a reaction for you to continue.
“And you wanna know what I said? Yes.” You laugh again at your utter stupidity. “Not only because I was attracted to him but because I actually felt so sorry for him that I was willing to be his one-way ticket to happiness. I didn’t want him to feel worthless anymore, not like I did when Seojoon rejected me.” White hot shame burns your skin, your insides, all throughout your body. “I wanted to give him the fraction of attention I wished someone could’ve given me back then. I thought it would maybe soothe some of my old wounds too, maybe we…we both could move on from this.” It sounds so illogical right now but back then, it made complete sense. “We slept together one night and the next morning, after leaving me in his bed without another word, Junho tells everyone.”
It started with his chummy friend group, typically bragging after getting laid and getting his ego boosted. Like how every rumor or story passes around and Junho made sure to leave in the juicy details.
“He said I was the best rebound lay he’s ever had and that I made sure to make him feel like a king again,” you roll your eyes. All you did was blow him before letting him put it in. That should not constitute this much embellishment. “His friends told their friends who told other people and somehow the entire school knew I slept with him. That day, I walked onto campus and guys who never gave me the time of day before were suddenly so interested in me.” Which you didn’t mind but it did get annoying when they would look everywhere but your face. “I didn’t think anything else would happen. Only, I forgot how the girls would react.”
Remember, Junho was the It-Boy. Everyone wanted him and if you got to sleep with him, you were either harassed and slut-shamed or praised. It depended on how Junho reacted. Now, you didn’t hurt him so you thought you were in the clear but that rule ended up changing.
Because now all the guys wanted you and some girls didn’t like that.
“They were annoyed that I got with him first without consulting them. Thinking I wanted all of this attention and I wanted to be the first girl from our year to sleep with them like this was some kind of competition when that couldn’t be the farthest from the truth. I explained myself and I told them it was a one time thing and I was only trying to comfort him but it didn’t matter. They made their decision. My fate was sealed. I became rebound girl.” It took one simple night for your entire college life to be ruined. “Guys would come to me, complain about their broken hearts, manage to get to me because I’m easy and I always manage to convince myself that they mean no harm when they always do, sleep with me, then tell the entire school the next day. Rinse and repeat. I’m an idiot,” you exhale, hiding your face in your hands.
It’s such a painful sensation to want to cry but no tears come out. You want to scream, shout into the sky about how frustrating this entire thing is but you don’t have the energy.
All you feel is exhaustion. Accepting this fate is your only option. You dug this grave, now go lie in it alone, like you deserve.
“I should’ve known. I should’ve been smart enough to stop after the first person but I keep on giving these guys the benefit of the doubt and trusting them when they actually say they want me when–I just–ugh, I’m so–”
Then something warm gently scoots across your back and your nose is filled with the scent of cotton and floral notes. The arm curls around you, cupping your shoulder as the other one rounds your front and Jeongguk is hugging you.
Okay and maybe the position is awkward and maybe you’re about as red as a tomato with anger but this hug is just what you needed.
Throughout the week, all you did was blame yourself and convince yourself to keep some distance from Jeongguk. You didn’t want to ruin his reputation or bring him into your mess with this weird love triangle with Juri because he simply didn’t deserve that just for being your friend and letting you suck him off once. But your heart simply wasn’t in it. You didn’t want to leave the one person that reminds you of your childhood and feels like home.
“You’re not an idiot,” Jeongguk says.
You sigh. “You don’t have to–”
Jeongguk interrupts you. “No,” he presses firmly. “So what if you slept with that Junho guy? What does it matter to everyone else?” He huffs cutely with his thick brows all furrowed and lips slightly pouty. “Why do they get to shame you when there are tons of other college students doing the same thing? Why are you the only one in the wrong?”
Jeongguk is right. Lots of people have lots of sex. Guys are on the higher side but there are people out there having regular hookups. You get chastised for it.
But at the same time…
“I allowed this to happen, Jeongguk.”
Even if those guys tried to get to you with their sob stories, you still said yes at the end of the day. You played into this reputation. Aren’t you at fault too?
“You didn’t allow anything, though.” He sighs, turning more to you, hands cupping your cheeks to get you to meet his gaze, thumbs tracing the skin under your eyes. “Noona. This isn’t your fault. Please don’t blame yourself for this.”
“It feels like it. No matter what I do, people will always see me as some big bad slut. How can I not believe it?” It’s your turn to sigh, gently pushing Jeongguk’s hold off your face and turning to the side. “Have people been treating you differently?”
Is it as bad as you think? Are girls refusing to talk to him? Boys usually never get the kind of treatment you do but you can’t help but panic.
Jeongguk waves it off. “No,” his eyes roll heavily and it doesn’t soothe you. “Like there are a few comments here and there but it’s all praise.”
Momentarily, you are relieved that he isn’t being ridiculed for sleeping with you. At least, you think, at the very least boys will always get away with their promiscuity. You can count on that.
“Still. Being associated with me in that way is just no good, Guk,” you remind him, even though pushing him away is the last thing you want. You want him close, to feel his touch, to kiss his lips and be with him. There’s a fire brewing inside you and it hasn’t been quenched since the first time you got to kiss him. All it does is ask for more chances.
To kill that flame would take a lot from you and you already don’t have much to give.
Jeongguk links your fingers together and rests them on his outstretched thigh, searching your eyes to gain your attention. “I don’t care about a bunch of random people and their opinion. It’s not going to stop me from seeing you. Not them and not that Juri girl, okay?”
Fucking Juri.
She spearheaded all of that hatred towards you when Junho spilled the beans on you sleeping with him. She was the one behind the scenes telling all of the other girls in your grade just how awful and back-stabbing you were. You hadn’t even wronged her. Sure, she liked Junho just as much as everyone else did but you still had yet to hit her where she was really sensitive.
“Juri never liked me. The first time we met, she had this impression with the way I dressed or if some guy looked at me too long. As if she could already tell I was the type of girl to seduce every guy in my vicinity.” It didn't matter what you wore, some guys just stared because the way society oversexualizes everything about a woman. You weren’t a person to them, you were an object with tits and a nice ass. “When the rumor got out, it was like her first impression was confirmed and she was telling everyone else how awful I was.” It just gets worse and worse delving into this topic and while Jeongguk hasn’t been scared off just yet, this might be it. You sigh, avoiding his eyes for your conjoined hands to comfort you. “After Junho there was this other guy, I think his name was Sunghoon, and he was best friends with Junho. Juri had a massive thing for him, even more than whatever she felt for Junho, but I didn’t know because we were never friends.”
No one knew but Juri’s circle. It was a secret crush after all.
“Sunghoon heard about me from Junho and wanted to sleep with me too. I was already upset about Junho telling everyone so I ended up rejecting him since it was too soon but he still told everyone we did it anyway. Of course, everyone believed him no matter what I said. My reputation was set in stone.” You feel Jeongguk squeeze your hand tightly when your voice wobbles slightly. You swallowed down any pain you felt inside. “Juri was furious and now all of the other girls had perfect reason to hate me because I apparently stole her man. I tried to tell her that I didn’t know and that I’m sorry and that it wasn’t even true but she didn’t want to hear it.”
Part of you doesn’t want to blame her. You know what it feels like when the guy you like chooses another girl. It hurts more than anything else, digs at your insecurities, begs the question if you are loveable or some ugly beast.
But Juri was never kind to you to begin with. She isn’t a girl’s girl, she’s someone who will do anything for male validation. Even if it means losing all of her friends.
So you know what? You don’t need someone like that in your life.
Nayeon and Jeongyeon would never do something like that.
“Did anyone else lie about having sex with you?”
A sad scoff leaves your lips. “You wanna know what the actual number is?” Jeongguk nods. “30. But ask anyone in our school, they’ll easily say 300 or some shit. Most guys have lied.”
Not like anyone will fact check. Junho did enough embellishment so all of the other guys could simply say your name and they’d believe it.
That’s what reputation is. A label attached to a person so powerful that it does things on its own. And you had a reputation for being a slut who fixes broken men.
Jeongguk groans, breaking you out of your train of thought. “This is so frustrating.” Your head turns, finds genuine anger on his boyish features. “All of those guys came to you. Junho and that Sunghoon guy and Seojoon all came to you and made you think they needed to have sex with you to feel good,” Jeongguk stresses. “And then you get punished for being a victim to their games.”
A man can be promiscuous all he wants but a woman has to remain pure. Not for her own sake but for the sake of men. Whenever women put themselves first, they’re bullied into silence. They aren’t supposed to act like men. They’re supposed to be proper, beacons of purity and grace.
Well, who fucking made that rule?
Why can’t men be the beacons of purity? Why do they get to slut around and get away with it?
Why are you the spawn of Satan for even looking at a guy while there are boys at your university who have actually slept with over 100 women.
“People suck,” is all you can say back. You’re just one person. There’s no way you can change the way society has been structured for years on end, right? A twinge of despair sits heavily in your chest as you’re consistently met with the reality of your situation.
“They do. And you know what?”Slowly, you look back up into Jeongguk’s sparkly bright eyes. He’s got the beginnings of a smile on his lips and you swear your stomach rushes with butterflies. “It’s their loss. Because they are missing out on getting to know a beautiful, kind, smart, accomplished and hardworking woman.”
You soften immediately. Sure, you’ve been called beautiful before but never the others. After being sexualized for years on end, no one else ever saw your worth beyond that so you had to tell yourself. Sometimes it worked, sometimes your insecurities got the best of you. But you know that you’re hardworking and smart and kind.
It’s different coming from Jeongguk.
He’s saying it for you, not to benefit himself later on. It’s real, not a blanket statement. There’s no promise that you’ll blow him and he won’t go around telling people that you did because he isn’t like that.
He’s a man who genuinely likes you for you. Not your body or your reputation.
Your legs uncurl and you’re inching closer to him. It’s an automatic response. You don’t even think to try to hold it back because you don’t want to and you shouldn’t have to. It’s safe in your apartment and no one will call you anything here. You get on your knees and swing one leg over his lap once more, inviting the soft scent of him as your face buries in the crook of his neck, arms wound around his shoulders.
Jeongguk is warm and his hands are back on your hips innocently. The touch isn’t sexual at all and it’s just what you needed.
Jeongguk’s chin rests on your shoulder as he starts speaking once more. “And you know what? Someone got caught fucking in the teachers lounge two days ago and it’s all everyone is talking about. No one has mentioned this story at all so don’t worry about it. I’m the least affected by this. I want to know if you’ll be okay.”
You smile against his skin, hopes he can feel you do that.
“I will.”
This rumor will pass, someday, certainly. But then, you refuse to be photographed with a man in any sort of context. All hookups will have to leave at 3am or something.
Speaking of….
“You wanna stay the night?” You pull your head out, fingers twisting with the strands at the back of his head. “It’s getting late and I don’t want you to take the subway right now.” You live in a safe area but still. And you want him around but only if he’s interested. “I could call you a cab too, if you want?”
“No, I’ll stay. I just don’t have any sleepwear.” He looks down at his cargo pants with a slight pout. God, he’s adorable.
“I have sweatpants,” you offer. Or Jeongguk could also sleep in his boxers.
Unlike some people, you can control yourself.
“There’s a high chance they won’t fit.”
Right. Boy has huge thighs. Muscular and toned. You can feel them underneath your legs and the brief thought of riding them until you cum all over him passes through your mind like a cheetah. Now is simply not the time to be horny.
Seriously, your cycle of terror finished two days ago. You have to relax. You just said you could control yourself.
Still, you let one of your hands slither down from where they were hanging behind Jeongguk’s neck to the planes of his chest, stopping right where his beating heart should be. It thumps soundly beneath your fingertips while allowing you to feel up the firm peaks of his chest that you so desperately want to squeeze like anything.
“Speaking from experience?” You smirk.
Jeongguk’s face dulls, pinching your side in retaliation. You yelp. “Look when you live with two sisters, laundry gets mixed up and I’ve had a lot of sweatpants barely go up my legs until I started running my clothes alone.”
Giggling, you flick under his chin.
Although, the thought of him doing his own laundry is also hot and–holy fuck, bro, get it together.
You tap his chest once. “Fine, I’ll get you a pair.” You sigh, waiting for Jeongguk’s hold on your waist to loosen so you can get up, which he allows you to do.
Except, sitting on your knees for so long left them sore and lacking in blood flow so by the time Jeongguk also gets up, your legs almost give out, resulting in you collapsing against his chest for balance and your hands landing right on his chest.
“Sorry,” you exhale with some laughter. Jeongguk’s hands first curl around your elbows, warm and comforting, and then down to your hips. “Gimme a sec. I literally can’t feel my legs so I’ll have to hold onto you for a–ah!”
Jeongguk uses the hold he has on you to lift you up, twine your legs around his waist with a little bounce in his movement. Your hands clutch at his body when you feel your feet lift off the ground, fear subsiding when he looks up at you with glimmering eyes.
Staring back, it’s obvious why women like him, why Juri was so upset when he rejected her. Jeongguk is so attractive it’s insane. From every angle, he manages to look perfect. Like an angel.
“I like it better this way,” he grins.
Doesn’t help that he’s sweet like candy on the inside too.
The blush on your cheeks must make you look like a tomato but you don’t care. The way Jeongguk looks at you, holds you, has your entire body covered in goosebumps. Fluttering inside your tummy, screaming at you to pin him down against that mattress and show him all of the things that you like too.
But all you do is playfully roll your eyes. “You nearly gave me a heart attack,” you pretend to scold.
“You like it.”
Fuck, he’s smirking and he’s right. You did like it. There’s something to be said about being manhandled and tossed around like some ragdoll. You’ve always been the submissive one in sex so the thought of Jeongguk bending your body to his will calls for a rush of arousal.
That coupled with the cocky look on his face. It’s fucking Niagara Falls down there.
“Just move, Jeon. Unless you want to sleep in the pants you’re already wearing.”
Jeongguk moves a hand up to salute you, still keeping a strong grip on the back of your thighs. You bite back a gasp when he subconsciously squeezes the mass to make sure his hold doesn’t falter.
You’re already throbbing. Both from the act of strength and the confidence wavering off him. When Jeongguk first touched you, he was so hesitant but now he’s reached a point where he can hold you without fear that he’s crossing a boundary. Thanks to the conversation you had at the beginning of the week and you’re glad about it. He’s one of the only guys you genuinely trust.
And currently, he’s the only guy you want to pin you down on your bed
Directing him to the chest of clothes, Jeongguk walks the two of you forward. Then sets you down in front of it. You could’ve easily gotten up but, you know, why do that?
With a still fuzzy brain, shaking fingers curl around the drawer’s metal handle. You pull open the first drawer of your dresser without much thought. Jeongguk is hovering behind you with curious eyes, allowing you to get drunk on the scent of him and the warmth of his body.
But being on cloud nine makes you forget that the drawer you opened just so happens to be your lingerie drawer.
And you pause. Like a dog getting caught doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing.
The contents are neatly packed. Lacy and skimpy, in multiple colors. No one should own this much lingerie but you love it. The confidence a nice set gives you and the way some react make spending all of that money online worth it. You feel powerful and you’ve had some great fucks in some of these sets.
However, this is not how you planned on showing Jeongguk your collection.
Yeah, let’s add this to the list of porno plots that you thought happened to no one but happened to you because you are experiencing bouts of embarrassment and bad luck at the moment. You might as well change your name and move to Switzerland to herd sheep now.
Jeongguk pauses behind you too. The hands that were on your hips, steading you for no reason, feel slightly detached.
Causing you to panic.
The drawer slams shut. “S-sorry! Wrong one.” You go to the 2nd one and pull out a large gray pair, pushing it into Jeongguk’s chest without another word.
Oh my god. Ohmygodohmygodhohmygod.
You should’ve actually thought this through! Instead of letting the lightness from Jeongguk picking you up dictate your every move like an idiot. Now what will he think?
Sidestepping him, you don’t even want to imagine what could be going on in Jeongguk’s head. A desperate ploy to sleep with him after complaining about the way men treat you? Trying to gain his sympathy just to get him in bed? Sounds hypocritical, right?
You should go. You should check on the dishes or make some tea or–
“Noona,��� Jeongguk stops you with a soft hand on your wrist. “It’s okay,” his voice is firm and sure, causing you to slowly turn your neck to face him.
His lips are set neutral, a little pouty like always. But his expression seems to be calm.
“You don’t have to apologize or anything.” You watch his Adam’s apple bob when he swallows. “Honestly, it was…” he trails off, the redness becoming more obvious on his cheeks and ears.
Oh.
Any rigidness in your body begins to melt and you feel that previous fluttering in your belly return, pushing you to take a step closer. “Did you like them?” You ask, boldly.
Gone is the fear that you’ve pushed him away, reaffirmed your reputation or behaved like the very assholes who gave it to you because he doesn’t believe in that. He likes you and trusts you and you have no reason to panic when things like this happen. Jeongguk won’t call you a slut.
He cuts contact, looks to the side, and you see the briefest nodding on his head. Your smile grows tenfold. How cute.
“Oh, I see.” Abandoning any plans of running from him, palms flat on the firmness of his chest that you so desperately want to sink your teeth into. The light hitting the top of his head illuminates his skin, making him all golden, and you don’t think you can handle your wetness any longer. Jeongguk is just that good looking. “Do you wanna pick one out?”
His eyes flash up to you. “What?”
“Pick one for me to wear.”
Jeongguk’s boy brain seems to put the pieces together slowly, realizing what you want to happen, what you’re greenlighting that he’s been thinking about for a few days now.
You take initiative by going back to your dresser, tugging Jeongguk along, and opening the drawer all over again. Now Jeongguk can actually look at it instead of relying on the five second glimpse he got before. Sees all of the lace and mesh cut outs, sees the box of condoms in the corner, some lube. Thankfully, you’ve hidden any sex toys so you won’t have to deal with that.
While him finding lingerie was pretty tame in retrospect, Jeongguk finding that 7 inch vibrator you’ve got would be the end of you.
None of your baby dolls are in here but you don’t think those are Jeongguk’s style. Too much frill and fabric, meant for guys who really desire stereotypical femininity in the girls they fuck and want a little show when fucking. Jeongguk seems a little more straightforward. Likes easy access while still being sexy. So all of your teddys, which are essentially bodysuits or swimsuits made mostly of lace, are in this drawer. His eyes travel all throughout, ignoring the pinks and teals and reds for black and white.
Inching closer, Jeongguk seems to be deciding on two in particular. Then gently pulls one out by the strap.
“I like this.”
Your jaw slackens slightly. It’s crotchless, first of all, and it’s completely see through. Even the cups reveal your nipples without much fabric covering it. There’s a single strip of fabric going down your sternum and there are two identical lace detailing on your sides, completely free where your mons would be. Open right at your entrance.
Jeongguk picked a much more revealing one. You wonder what on earth he has planned for you but you nod regardless, taking the article of clothing from him and brushing some hair out of his face.
“Get changed and then wait on the bed for me.” Kissing him briefly on the nose.
Thankfully, you took an everything shower yesterday. Not that you really care about hair and men who do are weird but this will be your second time hooking up with Jeongguk so you still want to look a certain way for him, just until you talk about preferences some more.
Jeongguk speed walks to your bathroom, has you giggling at the way he urgently shuts the door. Snowball’s head perks up from her bed and you carefully move her to a different bed in a farther corner so she doesn’t have to bear witness to whatever will happen. She isn’t happy about it, makes an irritated low noise when you hold her but it’s for her own good.
After patting her a few times to get comfortable in her new bed, Jeongguk emerges with your pants in his hands.
“They didn’t fit.”
Not that you’re complaining.
“Shame, guess your boxers will have to do.” You feign annoyance but the slight bulge in the fabric tells you the opposite.
Jeongguk’s expression is difficult to judge. He follows your body as you saunter to the bathroom, eyes burning a hole in your back. You purposefully sashay a little, making sure your ass is shown off, that your hair swishes around. You’re dripping in confidence and you didn’t expect yourself to be like this considering the beginning of your run-in with Jeongguk.
But, he helps bring you back down from that poor state of mind where you let everyone’s words get to you by reminding you just how amazing you are. Confidence is something you always had but it gets buried and Jeongguk just brought it back up.
At some point, you hope to grow strong enough to never allow stuff like what happened this week to bother you. Even better, that the rumor becomes squashed and you’re no longer rebound girl.
But that’ll take time and, right now, you’re willing to wait.
Stripping down, you get ready. Slipping on the lingerie, messing your hair up a bit, adding a touch of lip gloss, and humming Positions by Ariana Grande to get you in the zone.
Jeongguk should want to devour you. You should want to devour him.
The door creaks open slowly and your body is halfway out when you speak up. “Close your eyes, Jeongguk!”
Some rustling is audible. “Huh? Okay!” He calls back in his trademark polite gentle tone. A smile grows on your face right afterwards.
You got this.
The door behind you shuts, slightly colder air causing you to be covered in goosebumps but it doesn’t matter. You’ll be warmed up soon. Turning the corner, Jeongguk is seated on the edge of your bed with his legs spread wide (hot), propped up with his hands on the bed on either side of his hips.
And he’s done you the favor of already taking his shirt off, folded neatly at the foot of your bed. So Jeongguk is just in his boxers. How nice of him.
A scoff leaves your lips, too quiet for him to pick up, but your footsteps are loud and clear. Jeongguk moves his hands a little and he doesn’t flinch when you sink down onto his warm lap, arms around his neck like they belong.
“Can I open my eyes now?” Jeongguk hasn't touched you just yet. Honestly, he seems like he’d make the perfect sub with how good he is and how well he listens but you’ve never delved into that.
You have no idea if you’d totally enjoy it unless it was a teasing back and forth and Jeongguk got the chance to put you in your place too. Get you whining and crying into your sheets until–
Okay, fuck. You’re already soaking wet and bare. You don’t need the scenarios and you haven’t even responded to him.
Leaning close to his perfect face, you smack a quick kiss on his cheek, right below that scar of his. “Not yet, baby.” You purr, mapping a line down his neck with your lips. Jeongguk has such a nice neck and hickeys look so good on him. The urge to mark him up completely overtakes all rationality (not that you had much to begin with).
Kissing down to the middle of his neck slowly, your lips suction around his pulse point, digging your teeth in, and you feel Jeongguk stir beneath you. His hips raise slightly, desperate for some kind of friction that you refuse to give. All you can smell is his sweet perfume and feel his soft skin.
Jeongguk whimpers your name and you can feel your pussy throbbing, surprised that you’re not leaking all over his bare thigh.
“Fuck,” he groans, thrusting up. Jeongguk’s boxers are so thin so you can feel the defined bulge pressing into your bare mound and you almost falter from how thick and big it feels.
It’s been a few weeks since you’ve had a dick inside you and you are really craving it. Sure, you have toys that could easily help but Jeongguk is bigger than your biggest one. Suddenly, that 7 inch vibrator simply won’t cut it.
Clenching around nothing, you pull away from his neck. “You can open your eyes now,” exhaling heavily.
Jeongguk follows. Your eyes connect and it’s electric. Sizzling tension, blood pumping deep in your veins, breaths mingling. Two seconds go, passing atypically slowly, and then he moves.
Jeongguk makes the first move connecting your lips, taking you by surprise, but you kiss him back and try to match his vigor. He kisses you with passion and wanton, controlling you like he might never get another chance to taste you. Gets your heart thumping loudly in your chest.
Especially when his fingers curl around your ass, squeezing roughly to earn a gasp of rapture, and his tongue sneaks in and runs deep along yours.
Questioning if he was totally a sub? Yeah, you don’t know about that.
Getting strong switch vibes from him.
Jeongguk gets up from the bed after wrapping your legs around his waist, turning around and laying you down on the bed. Your lips break apart for a split second but Jeongguk changes the moment your back touches the mattress, as if he can’t live without your kisses. You moan at his eagerness, realizing he has yet to look at your full set yet and is going crazy over just kissing you.
Fingers wind in his soft silky hair, tongues mingling in your mouth. It’s wet and messy and vulgar, teeth clacking, but you don’t have it in you to care.
He breaks the kiss again to kiss the corner of your lips, your cheek and then your jaw before pulling away and finally looks down while hovering over you.
Watching Jeongguk’s expression change is like high art.
You swear his eyes get darker, a vein on his neck bulges. “Jesus,” he grits. One hand begins at your sternum and slithers down where your breasts threaten to spill out of the flimsy thing. Jeongguk’s thumb traces over your pert nipple, causing you to twitch at the brief stimulation. “You look so fucking hot.”
“Yeah?”
Jeongguk nods, sitting up a little so he’s kneeling between your spread legs. “Like a goddess.” His eyes take you in, eating up every inch of skin he can see. “A beautiful, sexy, amazing goddess.”
You smirk, bending your leg some more to expose more of yourself to him. His gaze dips down to your bare cunt, wet and swollen for him and you swear you see his jaw set.
“You’re talking like you wanna worship me,” you joke cornily. Honestly, you’re too taken aback by the way Jeongguk is looking at you to cringe but thankfully he doesn’t say anything against it.
“I think I do.” Is his response.
Barely processing it, Jeongguk lifts you up by your calves, resting them on his shoulders and leaning down. Your stomach flips, you gasp, trembling slightly as Jeongguk begins to leave hickeys on the soft flesh of your inner thigh along with occasional bite marks.
Is he going to do what you think he is? Does he even know how? It’s been ages since someone went down on you. Most men simply don’t know how or care to learn.
You think Jeongguk is the opposite. He isn’t pleasuring you for himself but because he wants you to feel good so if you don’t like something, he’ll fix it.
But still, eating girls out is apparently something only girls can do properly. Nayeon is a firm believer in that.
Your head tilts back with each teasing mark making you wetter and wetter. He’s certainly building up the anticipation correctly so you’ll give him a point for that. Soon you’re throbbing so bad from how sexy Jeongguk looks with his dark hair between your thighs and kiss-bruised lips that you almost beg for his mouth on you.
“Pretty,” Jeongguk growls, reaching closer to your dripping core. “Prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.” The muscles in his back flex and you can feel them against your calves. “Can I?”
You don’t even hesitate. He’s inches away from you and you don’t think you can go another second without his touch. “Please Guk.”
He doesn’t waste another second leaning down and licking a fat stripe up your core, making your legs twitch around his head. His tongue is flat and wide starting from your entrance all the way to your clit, tasting you once and groaning immediately after.
“Shit,” you wince. Fingers getting stuck in Jeongguk’s hair. “Jeongguk.”
Embarrassingly, you almost grind on his face but Jeongguk keeps a tight hold on your hips as his mouth closes around your clit, sucking the bud a few times like he’s making out with you which has you groaning out. His nose bumps into your outer lips and you imagine that it would feel like heaven to grind back onto the bulbous tip while sitting on his face. Big noses are so hot for that reason in particular.
Jeongguk pulls back, gets up on his elbows a little to drop a fat blob of spit onto your pussy, watching it mix with your juices as you clench again. This time he notices your neediness and he chuckles darkly.
“Cute,” lips closing around your clit as he looks up at you. “Want my fingers in you badly, huh?”
“Yes.”
Jeongguk’s lips pull off with a loud pop. “How bad?” Digits tracing your soppy opening. At first you can’t formulate a response when he’s everywhere but the places you need him. So he removes all contact. “How bad do you need my fingers in this needy little pussy?”
Definitely not a sub. Definitely not a fucking sub–wow, okay.
“Badly,” grinding up into nothing, hips getting shoved back down. “I–I need you to fill me up. Please. I think about it so much. Your fingers feel so fucking good, Jeongguk. Made me cum so hard.”
You don’t lie. He’s got long fingers and is definitely the biggest you’ve had, easily reaching spots others have left dormant. You’re glad to fluff his ego on that considering how mind blowing that first orgasm was.
“I could tell,” he mutters slowly. “You came so fast,” lips closing around your clit again as you whine out. Jeongguk continues speaking. “Like a good girl”
You can’t even respond to that, can’t even begin to fathom what praise from him does to you or how you must be gushing all over your sheets right now. Jeongguk’s middle finger inches in while his tongue and mouth focus directly on your swollen clit and you lose all ability to formulate a proper sentence.
Flicking the sensitive bud back and forth at an animalistic pace while his finger slowly pushes in and out of you is where you fucking lose it. Head thrown back, thighs trembling, moaning out garbled versions of his name and breathy swears.
This is it. Better than anything else you’ve had. This combination floods you with pleasure coiling in the pit of your stomach and your muscles going rigid.
“Fuck yes–yes, just like that,” you whimper some more, using your grip on Jeongguk’s hair to tug him in further. Big mistake. “Don’t stop—don’t fucking–no, no! Why did you–”
Your leg falls off Jeongguk’s shoulder and flops onto the bed. His nose and lips are shiny but his expression is hard. “Sit up.” He orders. Jaw set and clenched.
Part of you really wants to disobey, be brat because that always results in a good time, but you need to come and you need his touch back on you as soon as possible. Meekly, your legs curl in and you slowly sit up, getting on your knees and pouting at him.
Jeongguk takes the spot you were just laying down on, head meeting your pillow with a slight bounce. He motions for you to come closer then: “Face away from me.”
Oh.
Even better.
“Gonna have this perfect pussy right in front of me while you suck me off, okay?”
Swinging your leg over, you nod desperately, arching your back a little and leaning down. You’re interrupted with a light smack on your ass, causing you to moan out way too loudly. It almost sounds like a cry of pain but it’s far from that.
Jeongguk drops the act quickly. Gently reaching for you with soft hands on your hips. “Noona, are you ok–”
“I’m fine,” you gasp. “Do it again.” You push your ass out some more, bent over his body, staring back at him with tears of desire. “Please Jeongguk.”
He’s hesitant when he sits back down. You know he doesn’t want to hurt you but the way that the pain sizzled into pleasure coupled with how badly you want his hand print on you is far from hurt. It’s fucking warranted at this point.
Jeongguk spanks you once more, on the same cheek, and you flop down all limp on top of him. His teeth sink into the flesh of your thigh, spanking the other cheek much harder than before.
Arousal drips out of you and tracks down your skin. You feel needy and pathetic but in the best way possible.
“I fucking love your ass so much,” nails dig into the already sore flesh as he praises you lowly. Jeongguk’s arms curl around your back, tugging you close to him as he continues what he was doing to you. Tongue flicking your clit at an insane pace.
You can’t handle it. Even though his hard cock is inches away from you, you need a second to control yourself as the tingling sensation begins from your toes and starts creeping up.
Someone must’ve told him this or maybe he’s watched a ton of porn. Guys never eat you out like this. They move their tongue around and moan, thinking it’s enough, and get annoyed when you haven’t come. Some blame it on you and say that you’re the problem when it’s the complete opposite.
But Jeongguk breaches your entrance with two fingers in tandem with your tongue. Those long digits immediately find that g-spot and it’s fucking over, it’s done. You’re already there. You’re so wet and it’s echoing in your small studio apartment for the both of you to hear. The pleasure building up is rapid and way too fast.
After no action for days, you’re easy. The coil in your stomach gets tighter and tighter as Jeongguk’s fingers pound out of you and his tongue continues to play with that swollen bundle of nerves.
“C-close, I’m close–I’m gonna–” you feel it, the ball unravels and your legs go out. “I’m cumming!”
Faster than you’d like to admit. You start shaking, tears streaming down your face. Trying to muffle your noises on his thigh so you don’t get a fucking noise complaint.
“Good girl. So fucking pretty when you come like that,” his fingers slow down but they don’t pull out just yet. After such a hard orgasm, you would usually need a break but the slow pace just gets you needier. “Can you take another one, gorgeous?” Jeongguk asks.
Last time he touched you, you couldn't but now you want a second go. Besides, you want to return the favor too.
“Yeah, I can.”
With a slow pace and his mouth pressing timid little kisses on your wet thighs, Jeongguk leans back when you pull his boxers down and his length stands in front of you. Leaking and hard and so fucking big.
Now that you’ve come once, you lose all inhibition. You press a kiss to the wet tip, rounding up saliva in your mouth to lick up all of the cloudy salty precum before sinking down and taking in just the tip. He’s thick so your jaw has to stretch a bit but you definitely don’t mind that.
“Fuck,” Jeongguk whispers, licking another stripe to clean you up, gets you jolting and him laughing.
He’s so atypically cocky, something you’ve never found attractive until now. It’s warranted cockiness. Ate you out like a fucking champ and has a dick big enough to make you question whether or not you can take it all. Yeah, Jeongguk can have a bit of an ego.
But only a bit.
You fold your thumb into your clenched fist and squeeze lightly to stop your gag reflex for a bit. Allowing you to take almost all of his length into your mouth. Jeongguk’s hips raise a bit to help you so it doesn’t pierce through the back of your throat completely but just until your nose meets the base of his length.
“Mmh,” he moans, feeling his chest heave against your body. Jeongguk mumbles some more praise, calls you the most prettiest girl, leans forward to get his mouth back on you, and the dance begins again.
Gently, Jeongguk fucks your mouth while you grind back into his. The pace isn’t fast and hectic like before nor is it any bit graceful but neither of you seem to care.
Each thrust is awarded with a burst of precum and your thighs shake with every hit against your sensitive spot. The air gets hot and sticky, filled with the scent of sex and adrenaline. The sounds of your wet mouth and wet pussy along with Jeongguk’s whiny noises are noises you could hear for the rest of your life and never get bored of.
This is all you want. Him and his hands and his mouth and just him.
This sweet boy who held you so close and listened and makes you cum better than anyone else had.
Even after the second time, as your arousal drenches his fingers so much they prune as you release and he shoots his load down your throat, it hits you like a punch in the face just how much Jeongguk has ruined you.
Because after this, no other man will compare.
#jungkook x reader#nerdjungkook#jungkook fanfic#jungkook smut#gamerjungkook#bts fanfiction#thereboundgirl#bts smut#bts x reader#smut series
159 notes
·
View notes
Text
Qi Ye cast poster!!
This had started as a sketch, waaay back as I was still reading Qi Ye. The original is pretty different from this (I considered adding it in the post but I actually don't like it anymore haha), but the plan was already to make this big spread with most of the -more or less- important cast.
I will add here some thoughts about the whole piece, and I guess, Qi Ye itself.
My main goal was probably to express my deep and intense feelings for Qi Ye, its grandness, and its awesome cast-- and along with that, flesh out my mental image of each of them, their personality, their style.
Here is a table with the names, so we know who is whom, and so I can add some details about my perspective on them and their design.
Jing Beiyuan has always come quite naturally. I just go for the "prettiest face" I ever came with in terms of : my own taste, and the features I find the most delicate. I'd argue he's the easiest character to draw for me across both QY and TYK. On this image, he's probably around 16 or 17. I find his expressions to be very fun to work on in general.
Ping An is also quite an easy character to draw, just for how specific Priest is when describing him.
Wu Xi's design is mainly inspired by a discussion with my friend Hanya, who talked about how, in SHL, Wu Xi more resembled a northern shaman than a southern shaman. It made me want to explore the designs and characteristics a bit more, and come up with more colourful fabrics, patterns, and darker skin color. Same goes for Ashinlae and Nuahar, to have them matching Wu Xi's aesthetic.
Ming Hua was included in this just because of the mess the mention of his name caused in the story. The two jealousy tantrums are just so delightful!!
Su Qingluan was made to resemble Jing Beiyuan, of course. What I wanted to reflect in her face was her frustration, mainly.
Ji Xiang and Hua Yue... Well. Nothing particular about their design either, but they had to be there. Of course, of course they had to be there.
Finally, an opportunity to draw Zishu with his fan and henchmen! Not mad that he kinda looks like a villain, here.
Lu Yu!! I drew him with an Ashinlae mask, since he disguises himself as Ashinlae. I included him because he matters a lot in my headcanons about Siji Manor. (it isn't specified, in Qi Ye, whether or not he's actually part of the manor, but I like to consider that he is for various reason that I may detail if I ever make a Siji Manor post)
I'll skip Jiang Xue and Liang Jiuxiao because their designs are steady for me, now.
I hesitated a lot for Helian Pei's pose, but ended up going for this one (looking bored, out of his depth, lost in the distance with his birds around him). I considered showing him with a bird in his hands, but I guess that's not the main vibe I get from him. And then, well, golden, flashy clothing, suited for an emperor.
Helian Zhao had to be in a showy armor, and I hated making it because it's so much work, haha. I took inspiration from an armor in NiF. I'm quite happy with how he came out in terms of both vibe and showiness.
I tried going full out on Helian Qi. Making him the villain that Qi Ye deserved. Dark, showy, elegant and horrible.
Helian Yi is also pretty solid for me, by now.
About the illustration itself, the main challenge was definitely to make a nice colour palette while still differenciating all the characters. I wanted to go with something intense, eerie, that could also complement the main tones I would go for (= red, purple, blue and green). I'm quite happy with how the golden tones, along with the green and reddish lights, make the whole thing come together. I struggled a little bit with the composition at first, but once I got the flow and the main figures down, it just happened quite easily.
Anyway, I'm quite proud of this, and hope it conveys the love and admiration I have for Qi Ye well.
418 notes
·
View notes
Text
Caving In [4]
Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader
Words: 7,625
Chapter Warnings: Swearing, a nightmare, fluff, hurt/comfort, some paranoia, mention of torture, mention of abuse, Dick tries to kind of have “the talk”, Jason and reader argue (we all know sometimes Jason is an asshole, this is the only time this kind of argument happens btw), mentions of bruising and swelling, a mention of drug addiction, mentions of death
Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas:
What is heavier,
The world or its people’s hearts?❞
You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.
A/N: I’m really excited to post chapter 7 just so you guys know lol This feels kind of like a filler but this is the only one that feels like it I think?? I might try to post chapter 5 this weekend because of that lol I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 The first few chapters take place between season 2 episode 1 and season 2 episode 2. You can add yourself the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!
series masterlist | masterlist | tag list
Nightmares are a funny thing. They’re rarely anything realistic once you’re able to be calm enough to think about them. But they always contain some type of fear or traumatic event someone has experienced. Sometimes, it’s not rational or there is some deep hidden meaning behind the nightmare but other times, it’s just from trauma left unhandled. Those nightmares are the worst.
They make you revise the worst times of your life over and over and over like a broken record. No matter what you do, you lose in the nightmare. Years later, you might be happy and healthy but the nightmare comes back and you feel like you’re right back where you were. Trapped in the never-ending agony. Trapped inside a tilt-a-whirl made of panic attacks and broken hearts. And every single night, it’s a living hell.
And that’s where you are now, living your own personal hell with screaming so loud your throat is raw and ragged breaths beg your chest to finally cave in. The flashes of your “foster dad” scar the back of your eyes with every blink, like Freddy Krueger clawing his way to the surface. You might have escaped him physically, but mentally you’re trapped like a bear at a circus. Your hands shake as tears well behind your eyes and as the panic rages through your veins, the anger sets in. And you’re so mad that you’re allowing this piece of shit to haunt you even in your sleep, somewhere you might just feel safe. How are you ever supposed to be safe from him if you can’t even sleep? What if he finds you? What if, somehow, your nightmares are just a sign he’s coming after you? What are you supposed to do then? What if he has powers and that’s why he’s coming to finish you off?
A million what-ifs scramble through your brain as you sit in your bed, the bedside lamp still on. You get out of bed and it’s not even like you’re walking. With every worst-case scenario running through your head at once, you’re just moving through motions to exit your room. You need to make sure he isn’t here, need to make sure everyone here is safe from him, that you’re safe from him.
Your hands go up, right in front of you, slightly outstretched as if waiting for you to run into him. The palms of your hands glow green, ready for any type of attack you might come across in the secure tower while you tiptoe your way out of your room.
“Y/n?” A groggy voice from the right pulls your attention as you were just about to walk down the hallways. You jump and spin quickly, the glow of your hands intensifying in the dim light of the hallway. “It’s me.” Gar defends quickly, putting his hands up. “Gar?” His voice is still groggy but full of fear as he glances between your hands and your face.
You could see him with the dim lights of the hallway and the green glow of your hands but it still didn’t click, not until he said his name. You aren’t sure where your head was but a part of you is scared because of it. You were so lost in a state of fear and urgency to make sure everything was safe, you were blinded. It’s a bit terrifying.
You lets out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, dropping your hands as the green fades. “Fuck, what’re you doing?” You whisper-yell at him.
Gar takes a few steps towards you. “You were screaming.” He whispers back to you. “I heard you so I came to see if you were okay.”
The walls aren’t thin but Gar is pretty sure your scream could have woken up anyone. It was loud and pained, etched in terror. But, that’s a thing that happens here from time-to-time. Everyone has a habit of occasionally waking up screaming. It’s either childhood trauma haunting them or new trauma from Trigon. Gar figures that’s why no one else got up. They’re conditioned to be used to it.
You watch him carefully as the panic starts to cloud with feelings of regret and guilt. You didn’t realize you had screamed loud enough to wake anyone up. That’s not fair to anyone, to be woken by someone who can’t handle their own shit. And then to be standing out in the middle of a hallway at the crack of dawn with sleep still in their eyes talking about it. You look to the floor, shifting your weight on your feet and chewing on the inside of your cheek.
“Are you….okay?” Gar asks, coming a little closer.
When you fell asleep on him earlier, you looked peaceful. Normally, you kind of always have this look of fear. Your eyes always seem a little distant and you look behind whoever you’re talking to a lot. You don’t make eye contact for longer than a few seconds. But while you slept, you looked at ease and peaceful and calm, like you didn’t need to look over your shoulder anymore but then you shot up out of nowhere. Gar knew it had to have been a nightmare. He reacts the same way when he has one, maybe everyone does but he knows the signs. Wide eyes, ragged breathing, distant but sleep-filled eyes. And now, you’re awake again from a nightmare and it doesn’t sit right with the kind boy with green hair.
You nod. “Y-yeah.” You offer a fake smile. “You, uh, you can go back to bed.”
“Are you going to go back to bed?” Gar asks with a pointed look and he doesn’t want you to be alone. The shadows are a bit more haunting when you’re alone.
“Uh….I mean….eventually.” You answer softly, dropping your head slightly.
“I can stay with you until you fall asleep if you want.” Gar shrugs his shoulders, putting his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants.
You raise a brow at him, not looking pleased with the idea. You don’t want to inconvenience him or seem weak. You’re in a tower full of heroes and you can’t even sleep through the night. The last thing you want is for any of them to see you as the weak link. What happens if you can’t pull it together? Will they just drop you because you’re not strong enough?
“It-it’s okay.” You don’t smile this time, you just keep chewing your lip, pulling your sleeves over your hands, something Gar has been noticing you do.
“What were you doing out here?” Gar asks, his voice kind and not accusing but you shake your head, knowing it sounds ridiculous. “I won’t tell anyone.” He offers and there’s this sweet but subtle smile pulling at his lips.
Jason, a few hours ago, told you to talk to him. He said maybe it would help and the only way he’d know that, is if Gar knows Jason’s baggage, too. Jason doesn’t seem the type to wave the white flag and spill all of his secrets. Maybe Gar just cares about everyone and maybe it will help.
You sigh and cave. “I-I-I was….was just making sure….uh….he wasn’t….here.” You stutter but eventually get everything out and a part of Gar’s heart breaks at hearing it.
You aren’t looking at him, a sense of shame consuming you and Gar is not about to have you feeling bad for worrying that the person who tortured you is seeking you out in the one place you feel safe. It’s not fair and it’s not right. Gar knows whatever you went through was horrible but the fact you’re so worried that the person is in the tower? It’s unfathomable.
Gar starts walking past you, stopping a few steps ahead of you and offering you his hand. “We’ll look together.”
You look at his hand and then up at him with his words and you can feel your nose getting warm while your eyes burn. Your entire face softens and there’s something about the offer that makes you feel like everything in you is being warmed by a fireplace, warmed by a place one can only describe as home. He didn’t think you were crazy or that it was ridiculous or stupid. He just…offered to help.
So, you put your hand in his, following him through the tower.
As you walk, you hold his hand tightly noticing the soft callouses. His grip is tight but in a comforting type of way and he glances at you every few seconds as if making sure you’re okay. You walk from room to room, turning on the lights and verifying there isn’t anyone around before you end up in the comms room with the supercomputer. Gar takes a seat and shows you that everything is still secure and there hasn’t been a break-in. Everyone still needs their fingerprints to get in and the front door is done by facial recognition. According to the logs, no one has been in or out of the tower since nine the night before.
“I’m sorry.” You say quietly, standing to the side of Gar with arms crossed and eyes on the large screen in front of you. “I know this was stupid.”
Gar spins in the chair to face you but your eyes don’t move. “It’s okay, ya know? You’re scared and this is a new place. It’s not stupid.”
“It feels like it though, I-i-i….I see him anytime I close my eyes.” Your voice is so small.
You think maybe you should take Jason’s advice fully. Gar is awake with you anyway and you woke him up. He could have gone back to bed but he walked with you instead, knowing full well there wasn’t an intruder in the tower. It’s like you owe him some type of explanation.
“Foster dad.” You clarify. “He’s originally from Gotham, too, ya know? So him being a complete psychopath kind of tracks.” There’s a sharp bitterness in your voice but you keep your stare off of Gar, afraid that if you can see the look on his face you know he’s giving you, you’ll just shut down and go to bed.
“He just…did that to you?” Gar asks with furrowed brows and pain in his voice.
“Yep, he wanted powers. Some weird thing against Batman and Robin so he used me because ya know, the system doesn’t actually give a fuck about most foster kids.” You grit your teeth, your fists balling in your arms. “Then thought I was concealing my powers from him because he was certain his experiments were working so he’d try to literally beat them out of me.” You shrug a shoulder. “Guess he was right.”
Gar pauses, piecing it together. He was sure you would have tried to use your powers, but you didn’t? “Wait so….you never used your powers around him and—“
“Let him beat me until he thought I was dead?” You ask, just glancing at Gar long enough to see him nod. “Yep. If he knew it worked, he’d have killed me anyway. Letting him think he failed was…” You tilt your head side to side slightly. “Vindicating in a way. I, uh, I know it sounds so stupid but I was desperate to try and get out. Desperate people do stupid things."
“I’m so sorry that happened.” Gar’s eyes are glued to you, hating the idea of living through that.
He was tortured before and it haunts him every single day. He wasn’t even tortured for very long and it’s still hell. You were tortured for a lot longer. He gets your hesitance and your paranoia. He’d be paranoid, too if he were you.
“Yeah….” You sigh. “So, I might have escaped physically but the piece of shit really isn’t leaving my dreams alone, I guess.”
Gar sits on it for a few seconds. While he was kind of this weird experiment in a way, Dr. Caulder knew it would work and it would save him. He never had to fear for his life around him. He feared speaking up and being himself because sometimes the doctor wasn’t very nice. He didn’t really like other people being their own people, not if it contradicted what he believed or wanted. So, he can’t even fathom want horrors haunt your mind even in safety.
“I can check the tower for you every night if you want.” Gar offers. You jerk your head in his direction, surprise etched across every crease of your face. “And uh, if you have a nightmare, you can wake me up. I leave my door unlocked anyway…if it’ll make you feel better.”
“Y-y-you’d do that?”
Gar gains a sheepish smile as he shrugs. “Yeah, of course.”
You will never tell Jason, but maybe he was right about telling Gar. You feel a little better about it and he’s so nice. He’s offering to lose sleep when you have a nightmare which could be every night. You wonder how he’s chosen to be so kind despite whatever he’s been through.
“Thank you.” You look to the ground and then finally look at Gar. “Can you not tell anyone? Please?”
He chuckles softly. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“Thanks, it means a lot.” You suck in a breath. “Well, now that I know my delusions are just delusions, I’m gonna try and get some more sleep.” You give him a genuine smile this time.
“I’ll be up if you need anything.” Gar says, turning back to the computer to exit out of the security system.
“I’m so sorry.” You apologize again. “I didn’t mean to keep you from sleeping or anything.”
“It’s okay.” Gar assures you. “I should be getting up early anyway.”
“Okay.” You nod, offering him a closed and small smile.
It’s six now so Gar’s alarm would be going off in an hour anyway. But, you’re still going to go to bed. He didn’t hear you go to bed the night before and it was pretty late when you woke up from the first nightmare.
“What, uh what time did you go to bed anyway?”
“Uh….” You squint an eye, trying to remember the last time you looked at your phone. “Four? I think?”
“Wow, okay.” Gar’s brows raise quickly as he chuckles softly.
“I-I got talking with Jason last night so…” Your words fall off. “Couldn’t sleep and I ran into him.”
Gar nods slowly, ignoring the tint of a burn in his chest. You talked to Jason but not him? He’s been so nice to you and he feels like you trust him. All you do with Jason is this weird banter thing that Gar is slowly realizing maybe it’s flirting. Not that he’s actively trying to pursue anything because that doesn’t feel right either. But something about you talking to Jason, hurts. He’s always deemed himself a trustworthy person who’s a pretty good listener but you went to probably the worst listener on the face of the planet. He doesn’t really get it and he knows he has not right to assume you would tell him anything. Above everything else, he’s just surprised you got talking to Jason.
“What’d ya talk about?” Gar plays it cool, not digging but just asking.
“Uh….nothing really, I guess.” You lie and it’s at that moment you realize you lie a lot. Not that you intend to, it just feels like an instinct now either to protect yourself or other people. “I mean…not nothing.” You correct yourself. “Some of what happened in a very unserious manner.”
Gar nods his head again and you might be a little dense but you’re not so dense that you missed the way he stiffed in his chair. “Did it help?” He asked.
“Well, I, uh, I felt better after but then I had a nightmare so….not sure how much talking about it really helped.” You scoff as you roll your shoulders.
“Is it because it was unserious?” Gar asks, quoting your direct word.
You shake your head. “Nah, always been better with unserious ways of talking about trauma. When it gets too….emotional I don’t….” You look to the floor, tugging your sleeves over your hands. “I don’t like it very much, like it less than I usually do, I suppose.”
“You can talk to me.” Gar offers, looking back over to you.
“I know.” You smile at him softly, it’s almost a smirk that forms. “Can you get a little snarky and nasty about it?”
“Would it help?” Gar chuckles, his position loosening with the question and the burning sensation in his chest starting to dissipate.
“Yeah, you can’t give that look you do. With the big eyes and sad expression, makes me feel weird.” You scrunch the left side of your mouth upwards.
Gar laughs softly, putting his hands up. “Okay, I’ll try my best.”
“Thanks.” You look around the room and then back to him. “I do like talking to you and hanging around you. You make me feel comfortable here.” You admit and then realize you’re saying way too much. “Okay well, that’s enough for today. I’m actually going to bed.” You smile at him and it almost feels like you should hug him or something but that also feels like it might just get awkward so you opt for a small wave as if that wasn’t just as awkward.
“Sleep well.” Gar laughs softly, matching the wave with burning cheeks.
You finally get some much-needed rest, without a nightmare. It wasn't a lot of sleep by any means but it was a lot more than you’ve gotten in a long time and for the first time, you actually feel well-rested. You aren't sure if it's because you talked with Gar about what happened a little bit or if it's because you knew he was awake and wouldn't let anyone in your room if they tried. Or that he helped you look around the tower for Jerry like two crazy people. Maybe it's a combination of everything but you feel a lot better.
You find yourself walking into the kitchen once you’re fully awake, still dressed in pajamas. Your thing has always been you shouldn't need to get properly dressed if you aren't actively doing something or going somewhere. Why bother dirtying clothes?
When you walk into the kitchen, Gar and Jason are sat on the barstools while Dick is making some type of shake, Rachel is just coming in from the opposite hall. The boys look a little sweaty, devouring their food like they haven’t eaten in days. You assume they’d just gotten done with a training session and, apparently, were too hungry to shower first.
"Good morning." Dick chimes, bits of sarcasm in his words given it just being past noon.
You pause, glaring at him. "You're one of those aren't you?"
"What?" Dick chuckles, confusion in his face.
"Thinking the early bird gets the worm or whatever." Your voice is flat and you might be well-rested and it might be the afternoon, but you’re not a morning person.
Dick shrugs. "It's true."
"But the mouse gets the cheese, my guy." You give him a thumbs up, moving to the seat between Jason and Gar and sitting down. Gar gives you this gentle smile while Jason has this proud smirk pulling at his lips. "What?" You look at Dick who looks somewhere between amused and contentment.
Dick is looking at you with a sense of ease and accomplishment. He thought you’d be more...closed off longer. This is a new place, you’re traumatized and hurt. But, you seem comfortable, using sarcasm with him that isn’t hurtful and plopping down right between the boys whose expressions did not go unnoticed by Dick. Dick feels like he might be doing something really good here.
"Nothing." Dick's face settles with amusement. "Settling okay?"
"Mhm." You hum.
"Since she doesn't shut the fuck up, I'm sure she's fine." Jason states, his voice trying to sound menacing.
Gar and you look to Jason with annoyance. "You have not shut up for a single second I have been here and this is day three. You had no complaints last night." You look away, Dick looking between the two of you with his cup held to his mouth. He doesn’t even wanna know.
"You were whining, I wanted you to shut up and it worked." Jason mumbles and you let out a laugh. What is his issue?
"I don't whine, I complain. There's a difference." You hold your pointer finger up to correct him and Jason cracks a smile, Gar chuckles into his water bottle.
"Same shit." Jason fires back. "You could stop."
You roll your eyes and that's when the idea sparks. Jason isn’t winning this, this is your game to win. "Hey, Dick, question: What's your rule on dating? Ya know in the tower?"
Jason and Gar both stiffen in their seats, you catching it out of the corner of your eyes and it takes everything in you not to burst out laughing or break the stare you have with Dick. Gar is choking on his water and Jason's cheeks are turning red while Dick is stuck looking at all three of you wondering how the hell he got here. The last thing Dick wants to do is discuss this. Of course, he knew there was a chance of something going on, but he kind of assumed it would just happen. He didn’t think he’d get dragged into it, not like this at least.
"She's screwing with you." Rachel says from the other side of Gar. You give Dick a wide smirk, Gar and Jason looking a little displeased, Jason more than Gar who almost looks disappointed.
"Of course she is." Dick lets out a breath, his expression unamused.
"Sorry, you were a necessary casualty in getting Jason to shut up for a few seconds." You hold an apologetic smile.
Jason flirts a lot and in your experience, if you bring up dating out of the blue, it’ll shut someone like Jason up faster than anything because it’s out of left field. He’s caught off guard and it gets his brain going on if there’s something going on. You think it’s funny, you’ve won this bit.
"Well, since you wanted to bring it up..." Dick starts and all four of you suddenly look like you need seatbelts.
"No, not the talk, please." Gar begs with a groan.
Dick grimaces. "No, of course not. I trust you all know about that." Even if you didn’t, Dick isn’t sure he’d be able to give the talk. He’d call Donna and Dawn. They’re the responsible ones.
"Some of us more than others." Jason quips with a smirk.
"Gross." Rachel mutters.
"Dude." Gar looks past you and at Jason, shaking his head at Jason.
"Anyway, uh..." Dick fumbles for words, realizing he never had any intention of this conversation which was his fault given the Titans past of relationship in the tower. "Just make sure everyone is consenting and be safe?"
"You sound so uncertain about that." You raise a brow as your words are slow.
"I don't know how to have this conversation." Dick defends.
"We don't have to." Gar is grimacing in his seat. "We know, safety and consent, got it." It’s not that Gar is a prude, it’s just awkward and he’s not much of a fan of awkward conversations. If it were just him and Dick, it wouldn’t be awkward, but it's everyone.
"Don't bring drama into the training room or while we're out."
"Obviously." Rachel says, already tired of the conversation.
"That won't be a problem." Jason mutters.
You rolls your eyes at him before looking back to Dick. "You're doing great, bud." You give Dick a thumbs up.
"That's it. I don't care, don't do anything.....graphic..."
"God." Gar groans, making you laugh. But, everyone has gathered this look of disgust on their faces with Dick’s choice of words. "Please, stop talking." Gar pleads.
"In a public area of the tower." Dick continues.
All of your faces contort into a grimace, even Jason’s. That is such an odd and specific request. You did not think this is where that joke would go. You didn’t think it’d go anywhere, let alone here.
"I feel like there's a very specific reason you said that and I don't wanna know." You laugh. "I'm sorry, I didn't think he'd decide to have this conversation." You apologize to the room.
"And what did you learn today?" Dick asks, not too happy about feeling like he had to have the talk with the new Titans.
"You want me today something like pick my words more carefully next time but...I think I just learned not bring up interpersonal relations with you in front of other people." You scrunch your nose.
Dick lets out a sigh. "Well, are we clear then?"
"YES." Gar yells, dramatically. "Can we stop now? This is awkward."
"Come on, Gar. Surely this isn't new territory for you." You kick Jason under the counter. "Ow! What the fuck?"
"Shut the fuck up." You snip at him.
"Yeah? And What are you gonna do about it?" Jason looks you up and down.
You narrow your eyes and for a second you think about what you could do. You could give him a burn, something equivalent to a rug burn. But, that’s not right and you’d never actually try to hurt him, not like this. And you can’t punch him because that also seems a bit extreme. He’d probably see it coming anyway, block you, then hit you back.
"That's what I thought." Jason scoffs with a look of pride as he’s won.
You shove him with your hand, Jason falling off of his chair. He hits the floor with a thud, looking at up at you with a twisted face filled of anger and shock. For someone who can't fight and who's injured, you’re ballsy. Jason could fight you right now and you'd basically be defenseless but Jason wouldn't do that. He knows where the lines are when it comes to physical contact and he doesn't cross them. He crosses a lot of lines, but fighting people who can't fight back isn't one of those. So, he's even more pissed about it.
Jason gets back to his feet, closing the distance between him and you. "What the fuck is your problem, huh?" Jason yells in your face, Gar adjusting in his seat, ready to get up at any point and Dick is ready to step in if he needs to.
"You are, apparently. Why do you have to be such a fucking asshole? For no reason? Aren't you friends?"
"He doesn't need you to come to his fucking defense. I was fucking joking." Jason snarls, looking just past you at Gar before looking back at you.
"Right." You mutter. "Except it's obvious the whole conversation has made him uncomfortable so why don't you go cool the fuck off. You obviously need to." You sit straight in your seat, your face close to Jason's and you’re not backing down.
"You shoved me!" Jason flings his arm out in frustration.
"You asked me what I was gonna do about it! So I showed you!" You bark at him. "What are you gonna do about it?"
A dry laugh escapes Jason's throat and he doesn't want to actually fight you, but you’re making it a little tempting right about now. "Is that all you fucking have?" He taunts you instead.
"Wanna test me?" You open your palms, holding them just in front of your shoulders as they glow. Jason looks at the green and he doesn't get how people with powers are so willing to use them. He doesn't need powers. He's got his fists and those are plenty.
"Because you're just another freak, right?"
Gar gets off his seat at that comment, pushing Jason slightly and standing in between you and Jason. "Dude, go calm down. It's not that serious." Gar keeps his voice level, trying to diffuse the situation.
"You a team now, huh?" Jason looks in between you.
"Jason, come on. Cool off for a few minutes." Dick keeps his stance, choosing not to crowd the already heated area.
"Fuck you guys!" Jason yells, pushing past Gar and heading down the right hallway.
Gar sits down again and Dick's position relaxes with Jason out of the room. Gar's just surprised it went as far as it did but it's also Jason. He has buttons and pushing them sometimes leads to blow-ups. Jason is still his friend but sometimes, he really does not make it easy and this is one of those times. He doesn't understand why Rachel and now you are freaks but somehow Gar is never a freak. He has powers, too and as far as he's concerned, turning into a tiger is far more freakish than whatever you have going on. And he always acts like it's your fault, somehow. Rachel was just born like that, no one gets to pick their biological parents. And Gar and you were injected. How is that right? It hurts a little because Gar knows that if they weren't friends, he'd be the target one of Jason's freak rants.
"Is that what everyone meant by I'd get used to Jason?" You ask the room.
"Yeah." Gar answers and Dick nods. "He does that sometimes."
"Interesting." You hum quietly, your hands shaking slightly, Gar taking notice.
"Are you okay?" He asks, looking between your hands and your eyes.
"Oh..." You quickly move your hands under the countertop and tug your sleeves down. "I'm, uh I'm fine." You fake a smile at him.
It's not that you really thought Jason might hit you, him hitting you over a shove didn’t even cross your mind. You don't really know if he's the type that gets mad and hits people, you don't really know him at all. But, you'd think that would have been a warning from someone if that were the case. It was more that you don't like getting yelled at apparently. It wasn’t an issue before Jerry but, now it seems to be another trigger.
"He wouldn't have hurt you." Dick assures you, as if reading your mind.
"Jason doesn't hit people here when he gets mad, just yells a lot." Gar assures you, following Dick's lead.
"I didn't think he'd hit me." You tell them with ease. "Got that throbbing thing in the back of my head when someone's going to." You remind them. "And I just...I'm not scared of him. Guess I just don't like being yelled at when someone is in my face." You look to the counter. "I'm fine, honest."
"Are you sure?" Gar asks.
"Yeah." You give him a soft smile. "Thanks though. I'm gonna eat." You get down and find a bowl in a cabinet, moving around Dick.
"Okay, I'm gonna go check on Jason then, make sure he's cooling down." Dick gives Gar a look and a nod toward you. Gar nods in response while Dick leaves to find Jason.
You make your cereal while Gar watches you. Your hands are still shaking and he feels bad. It's not his fault that Jason blew up because it's Jason. He blows up at everything but Gar could have defended himself. It's nice that you did. He's never had someone defend him like that but it got you yelled at by Jason and after you had, what Gar assumed to be, a pretty nice conversation the night before. He just worries about you.
"Hey," Gar starts as you take your seat back next to him. "Wanna do something today?" Gar asks.
You furrow your brows at him, before taking a bite of your cereal. "Like what?"
"What'd you wanna do?" Gar shrugs, figuring maybe you should be the one to decide. He just wants to hang out with you.
"Mmmm." You hum and think for a second. "Dye my hair." You chuckle softly.
"That's what you wanna do?" Gar asks.
"Mhm." You hums. "Always wanted to and you have green hair, Rachel's hair is purple." You shrug.
You just want a change. This is a big change, being at the tower but that doesn’t have anything to do with your appearance. You like how you look but you want something different. Your mom never let you dye your hair even though you really wanted to. This place, this place allows you to do that and to change something about yourself. It’s a way to take control of something. The way you see it, with all the bruising and swelling, you don’t look much like yourself anyway. Might as well change the hair, too.
"Okay." Gar beams at you. "We can go get whatever dye you want today and I can help. I'm not sure how much help I'll be but maybe we can get Rachel to help if you want." Gar rambles off and he seems so energetic and happy about it.
"Uh..." You stutter. "Okay, yeah that'd be fun. Thank you." The smile you give him is wide and filled of joy.
"What color?"
You tell him your favorite color, beaming at him. "Always thought that hair was cool." You smirk at him.
"We'll go when you're done eating." Gar gets up from his chair. "I'm gonna shower first."
"Have a blast." You grin to yourself, going back to your cereal. "Meet me in my room after?" You look back to him and he nods with a cheery smile before turning on his feet, and quickly heading down the hallway. "He's so cute." You say to yourself, going back to your cereal.
After Gar's shower, he met with you in your room. You were already dressed and ready to go, you even asked Rachel for help when you got back which Rachel was more than happy to help. Once Gar was ready, he was the one that asked Dick for some money before you left and off you went with Rachel, you feeling more comfortable having both Gar and Rachel with you. You realize how great it is that Rachel was willing to help because you never would have gotten something everything you needed.
When you got back, Gar and you met with Rachel in a bathroom. Rachel got everything together and get to work with your hair. You explained to Rachel that you still wanted some of your natural hair color but the majority of it to be dyed. Rachel understood what you were explaining while Gar seemed a little confused.
As Rachel helped with your hair, the three of you got talking about past lives. You all avoided all talk about trauma and tragic backstories and instead talked about your favorite movies and shows, music. If you'd ever been to a concert, the best places you've ever eaten, random stories about family and friends you had before everything. And while these conversations are going on, there's warmth and comfort that consumes you.
This is the longest you’ve gone without thinking about how your face looks or how your body is sore or Jerry. It's just the three of you and you feel so at home because Gar and Rachel make it so easy. And you wonder if this is what real friendship feels like.
Sure, you had friends before your mom died. But that was then and this is now. You had a small circle of friends but only one that you really relied on and could tell anything to. But then your mom died and it all got so messy and heavy. You couldn't inconvenience even your best friend with your problems over it. Your best friend never really understood the person you started to become after. Vengeful and spiteful and angry. And desperate and cold and detached. It struck like a hurricane right through your friendship.
You couldn't handle anything and you were always running from CPS. What kind of friend would you be if you endangered your best friend's mom by getting in trouble with CPS? You knew it was only a matter of time before they threatened to take your best friend away if they didn't give you up. At least, that's how you always saw it. It was always such a big fear and you couldn't put them through that, on the chance it did happen so you just left one day and never came back. But you weren't a very good friend then either.
You had all these plans of hunting down the Joker and even though you'd probably die, too, hunting him down would have made it worth it to you. To look him in the eyes and just try to hit him or shoot him, if you had a gun anyway. You knew you would never make it out alive and that was something you deemed to be okay because you didn't have anything worth living for anymore. Your dad went off to choose drugs over you, your mom died, your best friend not knowing how to handle anything. A suicide mission seemed like a pretty sweet deal at the time. But, now you’re here with Gar and Rachel, in this bathroom getting the hair you’ve wanted to try and maybe you have more worth living for.
"Okay, what do you think?" Rachel asks, shutting the blow-dryer off, proud of the dye job she's done.
You look in the mirror and your face lights up. Stripes of the color consume the majority of your head and you could not be happier in this moment. "I love it!" You squeal before turning around. "Thank you!" You hug Rachel quickly before turning back around and there's a sweet and amused smile on Gar's face.
"It looks really good on you." Gar's smile turns shy as you look to him.
"Y-you think so?" You asks, your stomach swirling with his words.
Gar nods. "Yeah, I like the color." Gar’s smile is the softest thing in the world.
"How cute." Rachel giggles before cutting it short as Gar looks at her with wide eyes. "It looks good, yeah." Rachel agrees.
"Thank you." You look at yourself again and you’ve never had this hair before, but it makes you feel more like yourself. It's probably the self-expression it's allowing you to have but you really like it. "And hey, now people will have something else to look at that's not my face." You laugh softly.
"You're face looks good, too." Gar says so quickly, you and Rachel barely catch it, but you do and you both look at him with raised brows. Rachel looks in between you and Gar, waiting for something to happen. This is the most entertainment she's had since they got to San Francisco. "I mean..." Gar stutters. "The, uh, the bruises and stuff, they're healing."
"Mhm." You hum with burning cheeks. "Thank you, Gar."
Gar feels the embarrassment wanting to eat him alive. He can't believe he said that out loud. Now Rachel is looking at him with knowing eyes and he can't help it. Sometimes, things just come out and then he feels like he has to backtrack and now he's embarrassed even though you didn't seem bothered by it. Which then makes him think he didn't need to add in the last comment about the bruises. Surely, you know he didn't mean just the bruises are looking fine now and the meant your whole face but now he doesn't know and he has got to get his brain to shut up for five seconds.
"There you are." Dick says, looking into the bathroom, the door wide open.
"Yes?" Rachel asks.
"Training room." Dick says.
Gar checks the time on his phone, seeing they were in fact late for their last training session. Shopping with you took a little longer than expected since you stopped for food and were having fun together. Then dying your hair took a while but Dick doesn't seem mad about it.
The three of you follow Dick to the training room where Jason is already waiting, as if he hadn't left the room since this morning. You sit on a bench and watch as you’re not allowed to train yet. Dick mostly supervises after giving them some instructions on what to do and then gives pointers. You mostly watch Gar and Jason.
It's interesting watching them. Jason is clearly the aggressor. You can't tell if it's all his pent-up aggression or if it's just his experience as Robin that makes him the aggressor but you find it interesting nonetheless. Gar and Rachel seem to work together to go against Jason even though they're all supposed to be working against each other. Gar works more on a defensive tactic, going for Jason after Jason comes for him or while Rachel has him distracted and that's when Gar gets a hit it. They're being trained by the same person but they fight differently and it seems to match their personalities.
Dick walks over to you as the other three continue to spar. "Like the new hair." Dick compliments you.
"Thanks, Rachel did it for me." You beam up at him.
"Feeling more comfortable?"
"Yeah..." You sigh. "I give you shit 'cause it's fun but I think I'm gonna like it here. Thank you again for taking me in." You say candidly. You make a mental note to thank him regularly for it.
It warms Dick's heart to know his efforts mean something. He just wants to be the mentor he wishes Bruce was and he just wants to help. It seems to be working, with you and Rachel and Gar, jury is still out on Jason. But Dick knows Jason will not be an overnight success.
"Good, I'm glad." Dick offers you a smile before walking back to where he previously was.
The rest of the training session goes by, Gar and Rachel going to you when they had a water break and talking. Jason opted to be by himself, Gar noticing the concern on your face and assuring you that he'll be calm and be over it the next day. But it doesn't quite sit right for you. You don't want him mad at you, you do like to mess with him in a fun banter way, not him being pissed at you.
You like to push people's buttons but you’re not too fond of people being actively mad at you. If there's a line you aren't supposed to cross, all someone has to do is tell you and you'll respect the line. You aren't about making people unnecessarily uncomfortable or mad. But you nod along with Gar anyway and eventually training ends. You stay behind with Jason, Gar hovers a little more than he would given the events of the afternoon but he does eventually leave the two of you alone.
"So, you gonna stay mad at me forever?" You ask as you walk over to Jason who's seated on a bench, getting a drink and ignoring you. "Come on," You groan. "Can you not handle a shove from me?"
Jason glares up at you. "Just shut up." He groans.
"Nope." You sit next to him, your leg touching his. "I'm sorry I shoved you." Jason's brows furrow at you and he doesn't think anyone has apologized to him since he's been here, for anything. "Honest, I should have left it alone but I provoked you further than I should have." You are sorry for it. Sure, Jason owes you an apology, too but you can apologize first.
"Sorry for what I said." Jason mumbles, swallowing his pride.
He never wants to hurt someone's feelings, not really. In the moment, absolutely but then after he feels horrible about it. He hates when other people make him feel weak. You shoving him from his seat, it made him feel weak and he hates it. It’s how he’s felt his entire life. Weak. So, when he feels weak or when someone pushes the wrong bottom, he just starts talking and going off. It just flows out of his mouth before he can even think about it. It's not an excuse, he just can't help it and he is sorry.
"To you and Gar." Jason lets out a sigh.
The corner of your smile pulls up. "I forgive you."
Jason glances at you and he can’t stay mad at you. Normally, he’s very good at holding grudges. He still has a grudge against a kid who pushed him down a slide when he was seven. He’s very good at holding grudges but you’ve got this smirk that says you’re up to no good and this look in your eyes that sends this electricity through his blood. He can’t explain it but he can’t stay mad at you.
"Did you still wanna train tonight when everyone goes to bed?" Jason turns his head towards you, twitching his brows up and the grin starts pull at his lips.
"If you're still willing."
"Someone's gotta show you how to do more than fucking shove someone." Jason scoffs but a smile pulls at his lips as he chuckles softly.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, got powers now and never had issues on the streets, okay? People happen to like my quick wit and quips.” You lightly nudge him with your shoulder.
"Yeah," Jason chortles. "That's why no one fucked with you.” Jason nods his head and lightly nudges you back, not believing you.
"I'd like to think so, yes.” You hold your head up with pride and Jason has this genuinely kind smile on his face. “What time, boss?”
Jason shakes his head. “Midnight. Everyone is usually in their rooms or asleep.”
“Okay, I'll meet you here then." You smirk at him as you get up and lick your lips. He knows deep down he doesn't have a shot with you but his stomach burns with the thought of you. You get under his skin like no one else and he hates to admit it but he really likes it.
"Don't be late." Jason quips, his voice taunting.
You shake your head, turning around to face him again. “Shut the fuck up.” You laugh softly. “I’ll meet you here at midnight, on the dot.” You widen your eyes, mocking him before exiting the room.
prev. chapter | next chapter
series masterlist | masterlist | tag list
Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @thatfangirl42
#gar logan#jason todd#gar logan x reader#garfield logan x reader#jason todd x reader#gar logan fanfic#gar logan fanfiction#jason todd fanfic#jason todd fanfiction#titans#titans fanfic#titans fanfiction#caving in
141 notes
·
View notes
Text
Building Block Figs - Catching Light
Continuing on from the last Building Block Figs - Basking in the Sun and Building Block Figs - Beautiful Fight Scene in the Middle of the Lake, Part 1 and Part 2, we have this wonderful set.
These figs make me laugh - I love them so much! I don't know why, I just find them ridiculously charming.
This building block set is 1,544 pieces, measures 8.4 x 17.6 x 15.6 cm, and is rated 10 hours. I did indeed take all 10 hours to build this, if not a little bit more.
Here is the sales pic of what the finished product is supposed to look like:
Cute, isn't it? As usual, sellers do a much better job of setting the scene than I do. I will say, though, that I did make two little tweaks to the set to make it a bit more canon compliant. Can you spot them?
It'll be easier to tell as we get better pictures, so I'll get into it!
First, here's the box of doom bricks. Like the others, this came in a generic sales box, with a super handy little unsnapping tool, and a sticker with a black and white image of the set and QR code instructions.
Once again, you'll notice my line up of extra bricks from the previous sets hanging out in quasi-neat little rows. Originally I figured I'll leave them all out in case I ran short of any, but in reality, this set maker gives me extras of each color every time. Which is handy, as you will see for later posts, when I make some adjustments to the fig sets to make them a bit more canon compliant.
As you can see, there's a LOT of extra bricks left over. To be honest, there shouldn't be so many white bricks - those are from another set that I made a major change to. I'll post about that one tomorrow.
Here's the different order of assembly - I went ahead and started with the base and tree, as they suggest.
As you can see, this is a very beautiful terrain here. I did not remember this area being so green and flowery from the show - in fact, I remember it being kind of sandy and desolate, but my memory is pretty lousy, there might be a scattered flower or so. Let's check.
HUH. There is not a flower in sight, is there. Hmmm. Well, this is kind of gonna bother me. Maybe I should have looked up the inspiration before putting together the entire 10 hour plus set, huh! Well, the little flowers are easy enough to lever off.
Hmm, anyway, moving on (for now).
So a couple things here. First, as you can see, there are only two green colors. I mean, one normal color really - the light green here is actually a neon green. It's brighter than it looks here. It looks great here, don't get me wrong, but now all I can see is the very sandy terrain of that screenshot.
Second, I tried something a little different here. It actually takes a long time to sort all the individual bricks, so in an attempt to shave off some time, I decided to experiment with this set. As you can see, I dumped the entire bag out to the right and am just picking out individual pieces as I go.
You'll note it's now evening. This tree took a LONG time to build. I actually timed myself up to this point, and to get to this mostly-done state took 2 hours and 58 minutes. I was pushing hard, too, because I really, really wanted to get the whole tree done that evening before I went to bed. But there was no way. I was too tired and was hitting the point where it was less fun and more work. So, despite really not wanting to, I summoned my inner adult and called it a day here.
Fast forward through time to the next day, and I'm all bright eyed and ready to bust this tree out. And it's done! I like this tree a whole lot...I think they did a beautiful job modeling it. Imagine if they had the full Lego suite of colors and special pieces! It would be really something. I kind of like it this way though (although I would take more colors, I can't lie). It really has an old-school style charm.
You can see the grey rock there where Lao Wen will be propped up against. And of course, the cheerful greenery and pink and yellow flowers.
Feeling VERY accomplished, I put the tree aside, and moved on to A-Xu.
Yep, looks pretty good. I was a little surprised they picked the medium blue color instead of the dark blue color, considering how bright the dark blue color actually is. But this looks fine too.
I am going to proudly say that I did, in fact, knock this fig out in record time. I've put together two and a half A-Xu figs by now (the half is going to be explained tomorrow, I promise!), so this third one went like a breeze.
As you can see in the back, I couldn't help myself, I was starting to make a few little piles of the colors I was working on. The big messy pile of bricks was kind of a pain, and I had to keep resisting the urge to sort them out.
And here he is! All done. He has a very solemn no-expression on his little brick face, which is appropriate. Can you see how there's a little bit of a neck (nothing too saucy or anything), the thin white layer of his under-robe, and then the lighter blue layer? I love it. Very charming. We also have his black belt with a bit of the tails.
It was yet another evening by this time, but since I did manage to finish him before I went to bed, I did indeed sleep the sleep of the righteous.
I woke up even brighter eyed and with pep in my step, ready to rock this last fig out. 10 hour assembly time? I don't think so!
I had now made three Wen Kexing brick figures, so the fourth one was gonna be just as quick as A-Xu was, no doubt. I pulled up the instructions on my phone, and got ready to go. 95 steps for our battle-weary Valley Master, huh? Huh. That's kind of a lot. But considering A-Xu was 85, not too bad. The tree was 119, by the way.
As I looked at the picture, however, I noticed that they had Lao Wen's (virtually) omnipresent hair wispies here. Given that this red wedding costume is the one outfit where his hair is pulled back all the way, it kind of bugged me. Which is funny because I've never liked how he doesn't have the wispies with this hair style on the show. It's my least favorite look on him, which is too bad, because I did like how they at least mixed his hairstyles up some. In my defense, I feel like I'm right (so right!) about how much better he looks with the wispies with this hair style, because you could see it at the concert. And he looked spectacular.
Anyway. Warring between my extreme desire for him to have the wispies and the simple fact of it not being canon, I started to build.
I got the first big chunk done very quickly indeed. Many of these figs are done where you do a big piece, and then set it aside while you work separately on the next piece. This is where I was.
And that's where I stayed, for a long time. I built this piece three times. I had to completely disassemble the entire thing the first time I built it, because I was off on my brick count, and the second time I had to disassemble it down to the first third.
Part of the problem was the way the directions were. As you can see, they still have the first "set it aside" part showing up on the directions directly under the new piece. Unfortunately, all that red blended into each other when I rotated the image around, and it was very easy to accidentally think I needed more or less pieces than I actually did.
I went ahead and built it with the wispies, as directed...and then just couldn't do it. I disassembled half the head and re-built it again without them. I also think that this fig, just like Lao Wen, does not look as good without them, but canon is canon.
Unfortunately, it was so late and I was so tired by the time I finished him (and yet also pretty jubilant), that I forgot to take a pic of the finished fig! Yes, I literally finished this set late last night, despite my best intentions of finishing it up and then triumphantly posting about it on the same day. It did, in fact, take longer than the 10 hours build time.
It took a long time, in general. My finger tips have actually toughened up a bit, so they don't feel sore from snapping the bricks in place, but my neck isn't all that pleased with me from hunching over these various sets for so long. So, I've been taking a few more breaks to stretch and do other things.
But, I woke up early today, and very happily took this set's beauty pics in the clear light of the morning. I love it!
I love how this set all fits together. We have the tree growing over the edge of the base, and Lao Wen there leaning up against the rock. A-Xu is standing with his elegant posture, and their little brick hands are reaching out to each other. Cute cute cute!
Wow, this light is great. I clearly should get up early to take fig pics more often.
The tree looks great, I think (and not just because I spent hours building it!).
This is a good view of the rocks behind Lao Wen here, and his big ponytail (I do like this part of his hairstyle).
The green doesn't look so bad on the ground, I think. I'll pull off the yellow and pink flowers, and maybe make a brown patch on the corner closest to A-Xu. That'll keep it colorful but make it a bit more like the show.
A-Xu's hair looks great, as usual. You can also see how I removed the wispies on Lao Wen's hair. I'll get a close up later so you can see it better.
Shoot, not my best pic - can't really see any of the detail on A-Xu's glorious night-black hair.
There we go, now you can. Oops, I see I knocked a tiny piece out of kilter on the bottom of his hair, I'll have to fix that. But! Here you can see both changes I made from the instructions - the lack of wispies of course, and then I made Lao Wen's guan gold instead of white. This took a while too, because I didn't have enough yellow pieces. The only yellow I had from any of the sets was literally from the yellow flowers here and the few extra they gave me of it. I actually pulled a few yellow flowers off the base there and replaced them with green or pink, just because I needed them for his guan. I then also carefully checked to see what internal yellow bricks were covered up by the black of his hair, and replaced them with black so I could save the yellow ones for the parts that did show. I'm very happy with how it turned out! It looks just like the white one, except, you know, yellow.
I don't know why they didn't originally design it with yellow, given that it is gold on the show, and they had already included yellow bricks with this kit. Maybe they felt the white stood out more or something. Anyway, it was bothering me it was white, so I'm glad I was able to figure out a way to make it work.
Alright, we're back around! And a bit of a different angle here, so you can see the poses a little bit more clearly.
Alright, a true top-down pic here. May I just say one more time how much I like this tree! The detail in A-Xu's guan is really nice too.
The bottoms-up pics are always tough here with the bases. Not a flattering picture, sorry A-Xu!
A close up of our noble shixiong with his little hand outstretched...
...and our weary shidi. What a great set, I love it! I'm so delighted by it, I can't even tell you.
Alright! come back tomorrow, for the much hinted at next set. And the last one, for a while - I have to wait for the remaining sets to be sent to me.
(Come back tomorrow, she says, as she still has some assembly on the last fig to do! I'll wake up bright and early tomorrow, and hopefully finish up).
Material: Plastic bricks
Fig Count: 506
Scene Count: 35
Rating: They're actually both reaching for their light
[link to the Master Post Index]
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
SnowFall: Krel x Fem!Reader [Part 2]
Word Count: 820
Rating: G
Tags: First Meetings, Winter, Skiing, Adventure, Third-Person
Read Part 1: [HERE]
------
At the base of the mountain, once everyone had their skiing equipment, they huddled together with a map to decide which course to try first.
“Ooo, we should do this one.” Aja said, pointing at a course that started at the top of the mountain, marked by two black diamonds. Steve quickly wrestled the map away from her, pitching her a loving but ‘are you nuts’ expression.
“You can’t start on a double black diamond piste.”
“Why not?” She scowled at him, then smiled after a second thought. “Aw. Are you worried about me?”
“A-doy. Double-blacks are expert level. Aja, people die on double-blacks. How about we start on a green course?”
“Imminent death?” Varvatos chortled with glee. “Glorious! Only the most dangerous courses are worthy of Varvatos’s footfall. If today is to be our day, may we crash and burn in snow-blazon glory!”
Passers-by picked up their speed, hoping to get away from the seemingly senile old geezer.
“No, no,” said Steve, his voice noticeably higher at the thought of what horrors could face him should he go along with Aja and Varvatos’s plan. “I think I’m gonna stick to the green course.”
“Fair enough, my Palchuk. Safe travels, and may we meet again in one piece.”
Everyone noticed, but no one commented on Steve’s sigh of relief.
Noticing his lack of input, Aja cocked a curious eyebrow at Krel.
“What about you, little brother? Are you coming?”
Krel was rather aware of his mortality after the attack on his parents. Without Mother functioning at full capacity, it would be hard for her to repair the damages to anyone other than the king and queen. And given that Krel was stuck in his squishy human body whilst on the slopes, he didn’t think risking his fragile neck for a thrill ride was a smart choice.
That being said, he refused to be as cowardly as the lumbering oaf.
“I will do that one,” he said, pointing to a blue course that mostly swerved through the woodlands. Aja shrugged, already plucking her ski poles from the snow.
“Suit yourself.” She pointed to where they were standing. “Meet here in an hour. And be careful on the slopes.”
“I should say the same to you.” Krel huffed, but smiled when he saw Aja’s face light up at the thought of the day ahead.
*
They each went their separate ways, using different ski-lifts to ascend the mountains.
Krel wondered, now that he was alone, whether it was too late to sneak back to his room for a while. But by the time he thought it, the ski-lift had pulled him off the ground. The drop was too steep for his feeble, human legs to manage.
“What did I agree to?” He lamented, feeling the cold breeze on the one part of his face not covered by thermals. Humans were an evolutionary nightmare, he decided. They should have whittled out their thermoreceptors long ago.
But as he ascended the mountain, he could at least appreciate the great view. The mountain-range stretched on for miles, and the sky was so blue it left him with a reminiscent feeling of Akiridion-5. He had to wonder how the resistance was doing, feeling guilty for taking a break while they were still fighting.
There was a muddled congregation of people as Krel left the ski-lift. A sort of ‘I need to go that way but you’re coming this way’ as skiers shuffled towards their preferred pistes. Thankfully, the courses were sign-posted so once Krel knew where he was headed, he did his best to push through the crowds.
Once he was through, he stood to one side to watch the other skiers moving on the slopes. It seemed… easy. Surprisingly easy. Physics seemed to do most of the work.
He watched until he understood the general footwork, then got himself into position.
Admittedly, he wobbled as he set off. Until he learned where to put his weight, it was a lot of heaving and pushing. But soon he was off down the mountainside.
The firs lining the course were tall. With overgrown branches, they gave the course a sense of seclusion. Krel enjoyed the privacy. He picked up speed, using his precise knowledge of aerodynamics and kinetic energy to gleefully bypass the other skiers.
By the time he reached the bottom of the course, daresay it, he was actually enjoying himself. Skiing came with a thrill. It had a sense of victory. One that was much greater, given that he had not fallen over during the many twists and turns of his descent.
Figuring he still had some time before the meet-up, Krel decided to try another course. He headed back up the mountain, but chose a single black diamond piste instead of blue. Aja might have been on to something with choosing a tougher track, but he still wasn’t willing to risk 100% of his neck.
A single black diamond would be plenty.
------
Part 3: [COMING SOON]
[WRITING MASTERLIST]
#tales of arcadia#toa#krel#tarron#prince krel#x reader#friendship#imagines#x you#winter#Aja#steve palchuk#Varvatos#skiing#SnowFall#arcadia#3below#trollhunters#MTCfics
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
New Post! Sincember Event❄️❄️
Rating: Highly Suggestive/Light Smut🍭🍡
▶️sugar - trick daddy ft. ludacris & cee lo green
▶️sugar - maroon 5
"Okay, I've made out the list of ingredients that I'm gonna need for our almost life-sized gingerbread replica of UA Alliance!"
Sato announced happily, holding up a piece of perforated notebook paper, likely ripped from his class notebook.
"So who's going to help me pick up the ingredients?!"
Crickets.
A collective silence fell over all the members of Class 3A as they paused their random activities to peer up at their cheerful, robust classmate.
You, who was lounging on the couch with Mina's head in your lap as you twisted her hair, perked up at the sound of his sweet voice.
None of your other classmates had even uttered one sentence, not even in acknowledgement of Sato's words, and it made your heart clench.
Sucking your teeth, you tapped Mina on the shoulder so she could get up.
"So all of you enjoy eating 'Kido's treats but don't want to assist with the process, huh? Figures." You rolled your eyes at them then shot Sato a sweet smile.
"I'll come with you Riki', just let me grab my coat."
His eyes crinkled in happiness as he made little excited fists, incidentally crumpling up the paper in his hands.
He blushed once he realized his overexcited action and began straightening the paper out again.
"Thanks, Y/N! You're really the best!"
"So I've been told." You smirked as you grabbed your coat off the rack near the front door and replaced your slippers with your snow boots.
—-
Dutifully, you pushed the cart along while Rikido gathered the ingredients that you would need to create the oversized confection.
“Let me see…we've got liquid egg whites, cinnamon, butter, corn syrup, vanilla extract, ground ginger - huh,”
He stopped walking suddenly as he talked out loud and you almost ran into his heels with the cart.
Rikido then turned to you with a bashful smile that warmed your heart.
“I can't help but think that we've missed something really important!”
You giggled a bit and stopped the cart in the middle of the baking aisle.
E/c eyes examined shelves packed with holiday-themed baking products before you had your ‘aha’ moment.
“Our house won't have much of a foundation if we forget the main ingredients - flour and baking soda.” You gave Sato a wide, toothy grin.
Taking your foot off the cart, you bent down to begin searching through the shelves for said ingredients. A shaky intake of breath behind you missed your ears while you focused on the task at hand.
Upon spotting a ten-pound bag of flour, you began reaching for it when Sato halts you with a hand on your shoulder.
“Oh no, Y/N, that looks kind of heavy! Let me help you!”
The burly brunette squatted down to your level and maneuvered the bag of flour so the majority of the weight of it rested in the crook of his arm.
Your eyes trailed from the white bag and up the arm of your very buff classmate. They then moved over his face, which was slightly tinted pink.
Sato snapped back to reality and lifted the bag to place it in the half-full cart. You didn't miss how his movements made the fabric of his gray sweatshirt pull taut on his muscular back.
“That's that then. A few more things and we can head to the checkout.”
Sato reminded you of what you were here for. You shook your head to clear your thoughts.
“Right, let's hurry back before the snow picks up!”
—-
It had been hours now since Sato and you had left the grocery store.
Both of you worked tirelessly in the dorm kitchen, rolling out brown cinnamon-scented dough and then baking it.
Sato was whipping up the royal icing now while you sorted sugary gumdrops into pretty patterns.
Once the baking had concluded, you carried the garnishments up to his room while Sato carried the gingerbread slabs to begin assembling your UA Alliance copy.
—-
The small space heater against Sato’s wall hummed quietly while the two of you worked. A pleasant silence blanketed the room while you both exchanged furtive glances that neither of you thought the other noticed.
“Hey, Y/N, pass me the icing so I can start assembling the roof?”
A few moments passed before your head snapped around in his direction.
“W-what? Oh! Sorry, Riki, I was zoning out.”
Your sweaty hand held a loose grip on the bowl, the dexterity steadily loosening as you stumbled over towards where Rikido was seated at the edge of his bed.
And then your foot slid on a random sock lying in the middle of the floor-
“Oh shit! Y/N, are you alright?!’
Rikido caught you around the waist in his strong arms. You had been saved from making a complete fool of yourself, but the bowl of icing…
With feline reflexes, he managed to grab it up with one hand while still holding you with the other. A bit of the sweet, white icing splashed onto his lower lip.
“That was close, what a mess that would have-”
With your breath heavy in your chest and your heart hammering against it, you looked Rikido in the eyes before moving them to his soft, pillowy lips.
“Y/N…?”
Maneuvering up onto your knees to straddle his waist, you cupped both cheeks and moved your mouth over the small, golden hoop dangling from his ear.
“Can I kiss you, Riki?”
His heart thumped wildly in his ears and he opened his mouth to speak when you took your pinky finger and swiped the bit of icing onto the tip.
You stuck your finger in his mouth and his eyes dilated while you dragged your finger over his tongue.
With a quiet ‘plop’ you pulled it out, his mouth chasing after it in order to gather more of your taste.
“Oh…damn..” Rikido looked at you with a dark veil over his usually bright and friendly brown eyes.
He sat up on his elbows, shifting you along with him and making your clothed cunt rub along his muscled thigh in your thin gray leggings.
“Mmm, Riki…I want you so badly…been wanting you all day…”
His eyebrows shot up as he turned to study your face. “R-really?! Me? But, why me?”
Your heart grew two sizes in your chest at his adorable bashfulness.
“What do you mean? Why not you?” Your thumbs stroked along his cheeks, making him sigh.
“I just thought maybe you’d like someone…cooler…and with a better quirk. Bakugou, Todoroki, Kirishima….Midoriya…” He blushed.
H/c locks flew back and forth as you shook your head insistently.
“No, Riki. Those guys are all great, but…I doubt that they’re as sweet as you.”
Sato chuckled at your corny joke with his cheeks still aflame.
With a few bucks and rolls of his hips, he had you quietly groaning his name before you smashed your lips against his.
The gingerbread house sat forgotten on its makeshift pedestal while the two of you furiously made out and dry-humped.
Sato pulled his sweatshirt over his thick brown hair and let you roll your pussy over his abs and the waistband of his boxers.
“Who knew my quiet little classmate was so dirty?” He whispered in your ear and licked the shell.
You giggled then pressed your lips into the juncture between his neck and shoulder, making him gasp.
“If anything, you'll come to know that I'm anything but quiet.” You winked, hoping he’d get your hint. He did.
“S-shit…”
Thick but gentle fingers ghosted over your hip bones, rubbing small circles into them before sliding under your sweater and tank top to reach warm, bare skin.
Once again your mouths collided, chasing each others’ tongues down in a messy, wet battle.
You sucked Rikido’s bottom lip into your mouth and nibbled on it while his tongue massaged the roof of your mouth, sliding against yours every now and again.
“Fuck, babe…I-”
Just as he was about to ask if you wanted to go farther, you both heard a ‘click’ and Sato’s room door flew open.
“Hey, everyone nominated me to come and check how things were coming along- oh ho ho! What's this? See, I knew something was going on here.”
None other than Denki Kaminari was standing in the doorway with an irritatingly smug smirk on his stupid face.
With a squeak, you clambered to Rikido’s side on the bed while the brunette male sat up and pulled his white tee down.
“Kaminari, have you ever heard of knocking?” Sato griped.
Denki's grin just widened.
“Would the scenery have changed if I did knock? I doubt it. I always knew you two liked each other.”
“Oh yeah and how did you know that Denki?” You asked him while trying to focus on getting your face to return to a normal temperature.
“Pfft, why do you think no one else volunteered to go to the store? We planned that so the two of you could finally get together. My skills of perception are unmatched.”
“Well use your perception and get the hell out so we can finish the gingerbread house.”
“Finish the house or finish tongue and dry fucking?”
“GET OUT DENKI!!” Both you and Sato shouted simultaneously.
----
ʳᵉᵇˡᵒᵍˢ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃᵖᵖʳᵉᶜⁱᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁱ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ🫶🏽
#i rarely see him written and it makes me sad#this got long 🫣#satou rikidou x reader#rikido sato x reader#satou rikidou#rikido sato#sato x reader#mha rikido sato#mha sato#bnha sato#sincember#⋰❄︎gotta sin to win❄︎⋱#happyhornydays#💗💗🍡°my fics#💗💗🍡°mha masterlist#byp🌹holiday event#byp🌹2023 events#full fic on this? i think sooo bihh
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Felicity: Small, Emotional, Electric
This could've been out two to three days ago if only my WiFi wasn't being so mean - I currently have about a minute of WiFi every few minutes, so I'm using that and uploading while I can
WANTED
"Desert Fox" Felicity
Bounty to be determined
Once again, huge thanks to Alvita for the template for the poster!
▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄✼▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
They call you Cry Baby, Cry Baby
But you don't even care
Tears fall to the ground
You'll just let them drown
▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄✼▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
Normally, I'd put two small fics in an intro post, but the "small intro fic" accidentally turned into 4.5K words, so you can find the full fic on AO3 here!
-
Whereas Zoro was seemingly unbothered by the clowns manhandling him and dragging him to whatever the “green room” may be, Nami was actively struggling like a feral cat, trying to break free. If only she had claws, she would tear them to shreds. Buggy’s lair was bigger than she had thought, probably built into whatever remained of the town he had destroyed. The big top was only a small part of it. Finally, they entered a room, or rather a dark green tent, filled with equipment, crates and costumes. Fairy lights hung from the ceiling, along with various crinolines and ropes. A couple of vanity mirrors lined by lightbulbs were the only useable pieces of furniture in it. Nami saw Zoro jolt forwards in front of her, but four clowns worked together to pin him back down. They finally succeeded in pressing him against a large wooden disk with straps, one usually used in knife throwing acts. Leaning against a supporting beam were their belongings: Zoro’s swords, Nami’s staff and navigation gear. Nami, too, gave another struggle, but when she saw what was hiding in the corner of the room, she froze in terror.
Behind a wooden machine of which she didn’t even want to know what it was for stood a cage with metal bars and elaborate wooden décor. Inside the cage, however – that was what terrified Nami the most. Inside the cage sat a little girl, maybe five or six years old, with a canine nose, incredibly large furry ears atop her head and a fluffy tail emerging from her lower back. She was wearing a glittering leotard lined with fur that managed to miss all three shades of sandy blonde present in her hair, tail, and ears in an almost infuriating way, and was watching the happenings in the room through large brown eyes.
Nami didn’t even pay attention to how she was being handled as her gaze was locked on the little girl. It was only when she was lifted off the ground and forced into an oversized birdcage that she tried to fight back again. She almost succeeded, too, but the woman gripping her was incredibly strong.
“Look, kitty, now you’ve got company!” she announced without looking at the little girl. “Don’t we take good care of you, making sure you’re not alone even if you got stage fright?”
As two clowns were busy tying Zoro to his dartboard and the woman wrestled Nami into her cage, another man stayed behind, with messy scarlet hair and two-toned makeup, wearing a striped leotard and a belt with a battle-axe.
“You still aren’t eating,” he remarked in a voice as sweet as acid. “You know you’ve gotta eat. Uncle Buggy was already mad you refused to perform, so what’s he gonna say if he finds out you’re not eating either? You gotta get your strength up if you wanna put on a pretty show, tiny dancer.”
The man picked up a bowl of presumably oatmeal with a spoon in it from the floor in front of the cage. Immediately, the little girl crawled further to the back of her tiny prison, pouting.
“Afraid it’s poisoned?” the woman asked without turning away from Nami’s birdcage.
She was now busy securing a padlock to it, whereas her fellow freaks were done with their work and left. Zoro was bound tightly by the wrists with thick ropes that almost cut into his skin, and whereas he had looked fully unbothered before, he was now visibly annoyed.
The man in the striped leotard stuck a finger into the oatmeal and scooped some of it into his mouth, humming in exaggerated delight.
“Delicious! Come on, have some!”
He almost shoved the spoon into the girl’s face, causing her to retract it as far as possible. She pressed her lips shut in protest and panic, only getting worse the longer the spoon whirled around beneath the dark tip of her nose. Slowly but surely, the lights in the room started flickering, lightbulbs and fairy lights tremoring just like the girl was.
“Aw, don’t be like that,” the man cooed. “Come on, who’s a good kitty?!”
“It’s clearly a fox,” Zoro growled, causing the man to pause with the spoon less than an inch from the girl’s mouth as he looked back at him in annoyance. “And if you don’t leave her alone, I’m gonna-“
He didn’t get to finish his sentence before the little girl grabbed the man’s arm and yanked it aside, at the same time lunging forwards. A loud crackling sound cut through the air and one of the lights blew out as her hand made contact and the man collapsed. The bowl, however, landed safely in the girl’s clawed hand and she placed it back down, keeping the spoon in her lap.
The muscular woman gave an exasperated sigh and shoved the keys to the padlock into her pocket before turning around to the girl.
“Now, now, don’t act out like that,” she said in a low, manipulative tone. “You don’t do that to your family. You belong here, with us! We’re freaks, just like you!”
“She’s not a freak!” Nami blurted out. “She’s just a little girl! Why are you doing this to her?! Let her go!”
The woman scoffed. “Oh, she’s much more than that. She’s a monster and she’s not as little as you think. Let’s see how long it takes for your captain to break, maybe you’ll get to spend a lot of time with her.”
She grabbed her crewmate and threw him over her shoulder to carry him outside. Right before she was through the doorway, she turned around again.
“Besides, it was her choice to run away and go to sea. Wasn’t it, kitty?”
▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄✼▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
Taglist: @starcrossedjedis @oneirataxia-girl @daughter-of-melpomene - let me know if you'd like to be added!
#one piece#one piece live action#one piece oc#opla oc#oc: felicity#photopea adventures#fyeahonepieceocs#oc intro#moodboard#playlist
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Zodiac Miraculous’ and a couple of their fittingly portrayed Chinese number meanings
You know what I find so cool about the zodiac miraculous' within the show? There are alot of explicit ways in which they are used appropriately to their Chinese numbers meaning. Let me give you a couple of examples without elaborating too deep with others and please remember that I’m not of any chinese/asian heriantage myself, so my knowledge is limited to the research I can make. As per usual, if I made any mistakes feel free to correct me:
(btw, in the original Miracle box layout the Zodiac miraculous were indeed in the right order, they were merely upside down. So 12 (Pig) was the first from the top and 1 (Mouse; I know normally it's a Rat but the show calls it Mouse so that's what I'm using too) was at the bottom. But that's something for a completely different post in the future)
The real life zodiac order is:
Mouse, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog and Pig
So for example the Rabbit is animal number 4 and in Chinese 4 is the number of bad luck, like 13 in the western world, because it sounds so much like the word for "death" (四, pinyin: sì; Cantonese Yale: sei). So fitting to that, not only is the Rabbit narratively directly linked to Chat Blanc and DEATH, it is also color-coded with the color white (and blue, which often comes alongside black and green - CN and CB, you get it). Which, as many probably already know, was/is the color of mourning in Chinese culture.
Or the Goat! The Goat is animal number 8 and that's the luckiest number in China! And therefore in the show the goats power is like a light version of the Lucky Charm and concealed in the only other miraculous jewelry that is a two-piece pair - like Ladybugs earrings!
Or the Rooster as well, animal number 10. As far as my research could get me chinese people don't talk too much about the number 10 in these regards because of its "intense" nature. Basically 10 symbolizes having reached your full potential, being at your very peak, but that also means that from this peak onwards there is nowhere to go but downhill. Like the rooster miraculous within the show. The rooster has the unlimited power of CHOOSING his power himself and yet he is highly limited by not getting to use it to fulfill a desire.
His power has the potential to be boundless, the very peak of the miraculous powers, and yet from this very peak the way he can actually manifeste his powers will inevitably always be significantly beneath the high point he and his powers stand for.
Then we have the Snake, miraculous number 6 which sounds like the manderin word for " “flowing, smooth, or frictionless" (溜, pinyin: liū) which culturally indicates a smooth process in life. Just like the Snakes powers, which benefit everyone but themselves since from an outsider perspective the Snake just uses his powers once and thats it, the situation is solved/where is it, while from the insider perspective we of course know that there is MUCH more effort involved than that.
6 stands for an easy flow in life, just like the Snakes powers look like for everyone on the outside and this interestingly also applies to Luka himself. He is very easy going on the outside and wants to make life easier for everyone through his patience and help and yet season 4 also showed that not only are there more complex emotions underneath, the way he uses his methods as Luka and Viperion don't automatically lead to morally flawless solutions or even anywhere close to the best ones ("Wishmaker" and "Ephemeral"). Lifes situation is just where it is now and he and therefore everyone else is going with the flow he created because no one but him is any wiser of what happened within his power usage or what he himself feels regarding certain things.
And the Mouse is number 1, which isn't too special of a number in China from what I can gather, but its meaning is culturally linked to being alone, but in first place and the winner. Just like the Mouse miraculous being portrayed as basically a lonely one person-army, for both its good and its bad implications:
Btw, 1 having the meaning of lonely also explains the Dog Miraculous, the 11th zodiac animal:
11th of November is the Single's day in Chinese culture, which is 1x4 (remember 4 being the unluckiest number?) and therefore connected directly to loneliness and bad luck especially in relationships. This perfectly corresponds with Sabrina and Félix using the Dog miraculous in their respective contexts.
Aaaaaaaand that's it for now! I have wanted to point this and more out for a LONG while already, but I'm still waiting for a specific official confirmation in Canon that the s4 finale has now validated me in 100% that I'm right. I have much more to say in season 5 when we finally HAVE IT, but at this point I guess there is no need to not talk about a couple of things while we wait for s5.
#ml spoilers#miraculous ladybug#miraculous#Miraculous powers#Powers of the miraculous#Chinese number meaning#Miracle box#Zodiac miraculous#Chinese number coding for the miraculous#ml analysis#Ml meta
170 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ch 2 - Wines and Swords
Part 3
Fire OF A Stark
@queenieala
Raising the wine cup to my lips I hoped to drown my bordium in alcohol. Sansa was aweing over the young prince Joffery but I didn't understand the desire. Part of the reason she was attracted to him was because he was the soon to be King. She dreamed of marriage and becoming a queen. It's all foolish in my opinion. Pushing my chair away I quickly snuck outside carrying a full goblet of wine in my hands. Sighing when the winter air surrounds me. "Couldn't stand the formality either, Lady Stark?"
"Who is there?" I spun around on my feet drawing a tiny knife I had slipped in my boots from the dinner table just in case. "Show yourself!"
Searching for the voice that responded back through the darkness someone wissiled making my eyes lock onto the figure of the dwarf son of the Lannister's. Curly blonde hair and green eyes brightening in the torches on the wall. "I have never had a lady threaten me with a kitchen knife. I am intrigued."
"Tyion Lannister. Wow, I never thought I would meet you in person." Lowering the kitchen knife in my hands I walk over to him sitting beside him on one of the old stable fences. "Do you enjoy wine, my lord?"
He clasped his hands together, almost falling off in a joy of laughter. A huge grin on his face as he revealed an empty cup that I happily filled. "Oh my dear girl, I love wine. There is honestly no better drink." He takes a long sip shaking his head. "And please I'm not lord of my house. Call me Tyrion."
"Alright Tyrion. I'm Cadence. The rumors are you like books too. I have found an interest in the Dragons. No offense to your sister's husband and all. Um - King Robert is a great king." Rubbing the back of my neck feeling nervous that I just started rambling off. I tend to do that when I'm nervous and not sure what to say next.
Tyrion took the goblet from my hands pouring another round since he had finished the one I gave him. "If you come to King's Landing there's a whole library full of history books. I can show you the whole line of Targaryen books if you'd like. Would you mind if I asked why the interest, Cadence?"
"They ruled for quite a while over this land. Let's just say that seems to be something worth learning about. Now let's drink." Extending my cup we claimed them together taking a long sip together hearing footsteps coming towards us by the crunching of their boots in the snow.
Lifting my head up I nearly choked on the wine in my throat. Feeling the burn gp down my throat I gulped seeing ser Jaime. He was walking around in some leather tunic without a cloak clearly not used to the climate of the North. "Have you dragged the poor girl out here to get drunk off her ass with you, brother?"
"She came willingly and brought the wine herself." Tyrion declared pointing his index finger at me to his brother. "Lady Cadence, may I introduce you to my brother Jaime."
His brother now stands in front of us leaning against one of the stable posts arms crossed over his chest. "We've already met and if I recall you wanted to wield a sword. Is that right Cadence?"
Tyrion gulped down a large amount of wine grinning ear to ear. "Finally a lady who wishes to wield a sword. I already enjoy her company brother. You shall too, I assume."
"Brother if you wouldn't mind I'd like to speak with her alone." Jaime suggested with the tilt of his head. A smirk on his face as his hair glowed in the light of the torches.
Twirling pieces of my hair I glanced at Tyrion who pushed himself off the hay balls still holding his wine cup in hand. "I know when I am not wanted. Worry not, I have wine and ladies to keep me company. Oh and word of advice Lady Cadence he has quite the ego. Give him a run for our money."
Once he was back inside the castle Jaime drew a sword from the belt on his hip spinning the handle so that I could take it. "Lady Cadence." He then reached into the stables pulling another sword off a shelf swinging it around a little bit in his right hand.
"Wait a minute. You're serious?' I lifted my head up taken back that he just handed me a sword so easily. Mother always scolded me for even mentioning what it would be like to hold a sword in my hands. She even regrets that Arya is so much more like me than a normal born lady. "If my mother sees us she'll ring my neck to see me holding a weapon."
Jaime smirked, stepping up where our chests are almost touching. My eyes trailed up to his green ones pouring into my dark ones. "Do you not want me to teach you then. Are you far too scared to take a risk?"
"I….no Jaime." I trailed off placing the sword in my right hand pushing him away from me so I could swing it around towards him. "Let's begin shall we."
The Lannister lion raises his sword smacking it against mine gently. His eyes focused on mine before he took a stronger swing towards me. I ducked underneath the strike but he gently pushed me where I stumbled into the snow. "I never said I would go easy, Cadence. Get up and try again."
Rising to my feet I dusted off the dress, lifting it up then quickly cutting the ends of the dress off. So it was shorter and I wouldn't trip over my own feet. Wrapping both my hands around the handle I sucked in a breath drawing the weapon behind my head taking a swing. Jaime spun around on his feet causing our swords to clash. "How's that, Ser Knight?"
"Better. Although you must know there are only three men in the kingdom that might have a chance against me. You're not one of them." He smirked, pressing our swords tighter together then we broke away taking a few steps back from one another.
Turning my back towards the lion I slumped my shoulders then rushed forward and swung my sword up. Jaime saw the attack hitting my weapon and bending mine closer to the ground. "I'm not trying to best you, Ser. Just learning." I replied back to him before he knocked my sword from my hands twirling me into his chest.
My back pressed into his front with a sword up against my throat but somehow I trusted that he wouldn't hurt me. Shutting my eyes I needed to heed my mother's warning but my heart said otherwise. "Jaime…my mother seeks me to stay away from you."
"And yet here you are. Out in the dark of night…with me." He teased into my ear pushing my hair out of my face.
Slowly turning my head back towards him I felt my face turn a little red seeing our noses brushing against one another. I have never been this physically close to someone that wasn't one of my brothers. Shivering into his touch and somewhat comfort I whispered under my breath. "Jaime…"
Footsteps approached from behind us so I elbowed him a little in the gut separating myself from his grasp. Tucking hair behind my ear biting my lip seeing my brother Robb coming from outside the castle. "Cadence, there you are. Mother and father are discussing with the king. Mother requested you come inside now."
"It's good to see you, young wolf. If you're concerned for your sister, know that I didn't harm her." Jaime replied with a smirk nodding towards my brother.
Robb strides up grabbing my hand in his leading me away from the lion. "Good to know, Lannister." On my way back to my chambers we passed our parents' chambers and I paused in my step hearing the King's voice.
"That scroll is from Tywin Lannister. He seeks to relieve Ser Jaime from his vows as a kingsguard and betrothed him and unite his house with others."
My mother questioned while I pressed my ear against the door holding a finger to my lips telling my brother to keep quiet. "Betrothal to which house exactly, my king?"
"What are they talking about?" My brother whispered.
"Sssh Robb."
Putting my ear back against the door, silence fell on the other end for a few minutes. I felt my stomach start to twist in knots hearing the words slip from King Robert Baratheon's mouth. "To your house. House Stark."
"What's happening, Sis?"
Shuffling my feet backwards Robb caught me in his arms grunting a little trying to help me steady my feet. "Seven Hells!"
Comments really appreciated ❤️
#fire of a stark#jaime lannister#jaime lannister x reader fanfiction#jaime lannister x stark reader#jaime lannister x targaryen reader#jaime lannister x reader#jaime lannister x oc#nikolaj coster waldau#oc : lynesse targaryen#oc : cadence stark#freya allan#tyrion lannister#robb stark#ned stark#arya stark#sansa stark#house stark#house targaryen#game of thrones fanfiction#game of thrones#game of thrones fic#game of thrones x reader#wattpad fanfiction#ask box is open for feedback#comments really appreciated
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
east coast
✰ summary: you have to go back into the upside-down, but you’re not going to let your boyfriend fend off the demobats alone, even if it risks both of you.
✰ words: 2.3k
✰ warnings: vol2 spoilers, character death, swearing, mentions of alcohol and drugs
✰ a/n: new sideblog! hope you enjoy, will hopefully be posting more ST and eddie content over the summer
my eddie playlist / ao3 / masterlist
Looking across the trailer, Eddie was bouncing in his seat. He was twirling one of the rings around his finger, a nervous tick of his, while his eyes darted from one object to the next.
“Okay, you’re making me feel crazy now,” you sat next to him. Your fingers interlocked with his, squeezing his hand, forcing him to make eye contact with you.
It had been a bit since you’d seen him this physically nervous, even over the course of the past few days. He usually internalized whatever he was feeling until it was bluntly obvious, like right now. But given the circumstances, he wasn’t the only one on edge.
Phase one of the plan would be underway momentarily. You’d crawl through the gate that ripped on the ceiling into the Upside Down again - this time with all the weapons and gear you could carry. Eddie had his garbage can shield with the spikes in one hand, the homemade spear in the other, and his bandana fastened around his head.
“Have I ever told you that I think you’re crazy for loving me?” Eddie titled his head, his wide smile infectious. He felt calmer looking at you, remembering you were wearing one of his baggy metal shirts and your own green jacket over it - equipped with the war paint under your eyes and the dagger in your hand. You opted out for the matching bandanas, but Eddie had packed an extra one just in case.
“You’ve mentioned it once or twice,” you said. He looked so soft with the evening light shining through the blinds and glowing on his skin. His lips looked full and his jawline was etched perfectly. Your hand reached out to play with a handful of his hair, his nose scrunching as your twirled some of it around your finger.
“When we get back, outta this mess,” Eddie was standing up but still facing you. “When I hold that damn diploma in my hands.” He outstretched his arm, offered his hand, which you took, and stood up with him.
“When Eddie the banished becomes Eddie the graduate,” you slipped your hands into the front pocket of his jeans.
Your faces were nearly touching. His thumb stroked the bottom of your cheek while his large puppy eyes poured into your features. His subtle smile curved until he was kissing you, taking his time to embrace you and keep you close to him. You could feel the rings on his hand that were wrapped around your head. He always wanted you as close as possible to him, even when he was charging your mouth.
The gap between your faces returned and he continued. “We’re going to a concert, baby. You pick. Anywhere in the country.” The hair on his head bounced from the way he smiled and shook his head adoringly at you.
“Anywhere, huh?”
“I’m gonna drive this piece of shit trailer out of here. Pick a coast, sweetheart.”
You wrapped your arms around his neck, naming off countless bands to see during your travels and cities to explore. Baseball parks to visit in the summer. Using his fake ID for one more year to get beer and then drink it around a fire. Beaches to go skinny dipping in after it gets dark. Laying in the grass and passing each other a joint while staring up at the stars. Thinking about the next few months, just you and Eddie, wherever you wanted to travel. Just getting out of this suffocating town.
After the plunge back into the dark reality.
Climbing through the gate, everything was dark and cold again. You were stepping through the inverted trailer park, weapons and supplies nearby. Robin was a few steps in front of you before she turned around. It was time to split up. They had a much longer trek to get through.
Robin, Nancy, and Steve headed towards the Creel house. Dustin, Eddie, and yourself had to distract the bats. The two groups separated, waiting for the future signals. They were out of sight in a few minutes, and you stabilized a trailer about a mile away from the gate with boarded windows and doors.
And then Eddie was standing on top of the trailer. His guitar - which felt like an extension of himself - strapped to him. He started playing, his fingers moving so quickly but gently. If you didn’t have to look for evil bats who wanted to take a chomp out of you, the only thing you’d look at was his hands. The chords of the song were vibrating, echoing through the woods, his fingers shredding the strings.
The louder Metallica got, the more bats emerged. Hundreds of them swarmed to the sound. It only took a few moments for them to get close. Dustin was yelling at Eddie to finish while you decided to yank the kid down, trying to get him inside the trailer first. Eddie followed you in, slamming the door, before the sounds of creatures trying to break inside surrounded the trailer.
“You had to have a fucking encore, yeah?” you sighed, rolling your eyes at him.
Eddie fake gasped, hand over his heart. He gently set the guitar down. “I think you seemed to like it, princess, by the way you were glancing.”
“Can we really not do this right now,” Dustin interjected.
“I was only looking at you, and y’know, not the horizon of bats, at first, because like, what if bats appeared behind you? It was so loud, you were so loud, you wouldn’t have noticed. That would be bad.”
Dustin nodded. “Very bad.”
“Terrible, in fact.” you agreed.
Eddie was about to chime in, surly ripping into your fake logic, when the vent on the trailer’s roof started wobbling. Dustin’s cursing was the only thing louder than the bat’s screech as it squeezed through. This time when you saw Eddie’s hands, it was holding the lid shield that pierced the bat and held the vent closed.
“Shit, shit, SHIT,-”
“Vents, are there any more vents?” you scrambled.
Eddie was running to the back, where the vent over the bedroom should be. You were right behind him, watching as the bats were piling through it, at least a dozen of them in the room in seconds. Eddie slammed the connecting door, but it wasn’t as strong as the exterior door. The bats were able to make imprints and dents, with the number of them flying into the room increasing.
The only thing keeping the door from instantly breaking down was Eddie’s weight leaning against it. He turned around, eyes wide, darting from you to Dustin. His hand gripped the wooden handle of the spear. “Get him out of here. Now.”
“Let’s go let’s go LETSGO” Dustin was hollering as he ran to the other door. His hand on the doorknob, you turned and noticed Eddie wasn’t behind you.
“EDDIE?” Dustin yelled.
Knowing your face was pale and frozen, your jaw clenched when Eddie’s stare turned from fear to sorrow. “What are you doing?” you panicked.
“Get him to the gate. Both of you, get to the gate, I’m going to hold them off so you can get there and get through.”
“That’s not-”
‘You have to go, now,” Eddie pleaded. The door hinges were starting to fall apart, the dents almost completely breaking through. The screeching was louder, surely at least a hundred bats swarming in the bedroom.
“I’m not going to fucking leave you here, Eddie-”
One of the bats broke through, making a hole in the wooden door. Eddie knocked it down with his spear but another one came right through the hole. Soon there were multiple, Eddie used his spear and flashlight to fend them off. The door creaked and started to burst open.
“GO!” You heard his desperate scream before you and Dustin were out the door and sprinting back to the gate.
It only took a few minutes to get back the way you were moving. But it felt like an eternity. Thankfully there was no trouble or delays getting back, and the gate was waiting right above. The both of you were standing in Eddie’s trailer, still in shock, but bent over trying to catch your breath. It was uncannily quiet, but Dustin was staring out of the blinds on the window. You looked with him, but it was so dark out, that it was impossible to make out much of anything.
“He should be here by now.”
“We have to stay here, Dustin, okay?”
The gulp in your throat felt like fire. Dustin was right, it had been almost ten minutes since you stepped foot outside. Eddie’s trailer, the gate, wasn’t that far from the decoy trailer. It only took you, what, 3 minutes, to get back? The stillness from the outside was unsettling, not knowing if it was positive or negative.
The deep scream from outside shook the walls.
Your stomach dropped, and your body felt like it was about to freeze. You both knew that scream. High, piercing, shocking. You couldn’t make your body move or your mind operate, but Dustin was bolting out of the door, and that’s what shocked your system back to the present moment.
You grabbed him quickly, hand on his shoulder to yank him around. “Dustin.”
“You can’t tell me to go back, dammit,” he sounded like he was holding back a sob.
Sobbing yourself was something you wanted to do. “I know it’s not fair. But I’m asking you, Henderson, please.” You watched tears swelling up in his eyes as he was trying to contain them there. “It’s not that I don’t think you’re capable. You’re better, smarter, than most of us.”
“So let me go,” he tried to break from your grasp. “He’s my friend-”
“Dustin, he adores you, yeah? And it’s that reason he wouldn’t want you risking your life for him. I know he’d pick your safety over his own every time.”
“We can’t just leave him there.” Dustin’s backpack fell from his shoulder with a thud on the ground.
“Give me ten minutes. Wait in the trailer. If we’re not back by then, you can come to find him.”
His face was still dopping, but he sighed in acceptance. He knew this was an argument he wasn’t going to win and wasting time would only be worse. “Ten minutes.”
“Promise me, Dustin.”
“I promise. Just- dammit- hurry, okay? One second after and I’m coming!”
You left and started to run to Eddie. To the sounds of agony echoing in your body. Your feet were carrying you back to his voice, not letting yourself slow down. You were sprinting past the same empty trailers and trees. One more corner and you’d be back to him, you’d run into his arms, and then you’d smack him for being such a fool. You’d yell at him for being so slow but kiss him for being a stupid hero.
His body, motionless, was still on the cold ground.
Your knees collapsed at the same time your chest exploded. You crawled over to him, lifting his head and torso onto your own body. His face was covered in blood and spots of dirt. His jacket was torn and his shirt was shredded to bits. His chest - you saw it now - was covered in deep bites, tears of teeth marks, and blood pooling out of the wounds and onto the soaked ground.
“Eddie,” you croaked.
You saw his little smile emerge when he heard your voice. His eyes were able to flicker to you. “Is my angel here, at last?”
“Eddie, you fucking idiot,” your tears rolling down your face and into your shirt. “We’re gonna, I’m gonna get you out of here. You’re going to be okay.”
“Baby,” he groaned. “Are you okay? Hurt?”
“I’m fine, we’re fine, but-”
“I love you. I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you. I loved you all those months we were friends,” Eddie lifted his arm, straining what little motion he had left, and grabbed your hand so he could squeeze it this time. “I’ve loved you these past 2 years, I just need you to know that.”
“I know that baby, I know, and I love you,” you desperately clasped his hand. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Your body was shaking, his body feeling heavier and heavier by the second.
You were not going to let him make his final words here. Arms under his body, you tried to prop him up so you could try to lift him. He seemed more tired every second that passed. Less movement, slower breathing, the more you could feel your own shakes vibrating on his skin. Like his body was literally protesting the help you were despairing trying to give.
“What coast,” Eddie whispered. “What coast did you want to go to?”
“East coast,” you replied. “See all the big cities. Get lost and miss our stops on the subway. Go see Dio, or Iron Maiden, or I’ll drag you to see the Police, Talking Heads-”
“Promise me you’ll go there,” Eddie mumbled. “Get out of here. You have to leave, for me,” his hand was starting to slip out of yours but you grabbed it back.
You kissed him, the taste of his lips soothing your ache, even if it was temporary. The palms of your hands were wrapped around his face as the bitter tears ran through the creases of your face. You always felt like Eddie tasted like pinewood, the rough but sweet personification.
“You’re coming with me, Munson,” you spoke. Your hand was gripping the fabric of his shirt waiting for a reply that would never come. “Always.”
But as he motionlessly stared into the stars, part of you knew he heard you.
As you sat there gripping one of Eddie’s arms, while Dustin’s footsteps and hysterics gathered behind from behind, you knew that he understood you both.
#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x oc#stranger things#eddie stranger things#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson x female reader
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
I posted 1,530 times in 2022
59 posts created (4%)
1,471 posts reblogged (96%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@ellivia
@baronessblixen
@neednottoneed
@viceversawrites
@gladlybeyondanyxperience
I tagged 1,498 of my posts in 2022
Only 2% of my posts had no tags
#fan art - 50 posts
#yeah - 9 posts
#dude - 8 posts
#srsly - 8 posts
#sigh - 8 posts
#yup - 7 posts
#you know who - 6 posts
#oof - 6 posts
#😍 - 6 posts
#my art - 6 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#then one of us probably makes a dumb joke & we pack up & say see ya at work tomorrow pal & pretend it never happened for several more years
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Tagged by @msrafterdark -thanks for remembering I used to be a writer!!
Rules: List the first lines of the last ten (10) stories you published. Look to see any patterns you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any.
Forbidden Adventure: Mulder drags her bag from the overhead bin and plops it onto her seat.
When the Lights are On (pt 3): A piece of you’s inside me, Mulder, she thinks, at least a dozen times a day.
Here Be Monsters (pt 2): She hates how much she wants him.
When the Lights are Off (pt 1): It’s not the chill that wakes her, late in her bed on a Thursday night.
The Fox Mulder Phonetic Alphabet: She brings her lunch from home most days.
Stay: She’s the practical one, always has been.
Something That's Not Soup: She grew up loving the water, could spend an entire morning exploring in goggles and a snorkel, fingers turned pruny and hair a saltwater mess that would make her mother groan.
Inevitable Things: He’s waiting for you.
There've Been Good Things, Too: Dark green leather.
Sparta, Tennessee: There’s something she never realized would happen once she and Mulder finally crossed that line: That she’d be aroused.
Once Upon a Time in a Basement: Her head lolls on her neck in that wonderful way heads sometimes do after consuming the perfect amount of wine.
This makes me miss writing, going back and remembering all these fics! These are some of my very favorites!
Observations/Patterns: Almost all of these are written from Scully's POV. I never introduce my characters, I just start right out using pronouns with the assumption my readers all know who I'm talking about.
33 notes - Posted January 28, 2022
#4
See the full post
42 notes - Posted February 25, 2022
#3
Hey guys, not txf-related, but I entered a self-portrait contest and would love it if you'd vote for my piece!!
Vote!
43 notes - Posted May 18, 2022
#2
See the full post
55 notes - Posted April 10, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
I turned 50 two days ago. FIFTY. Every year on my birthday I do a piece of art, and this was my painting this year. There have been some hard years in these five decades, some very hard ones, but there have also been a lot of really wonderful years. Here's to more of those in the future!
56 notes - Posted May 27, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#yeah it was a slow year for me#cool that my self portrait made number one with a whopping 56 notes!#I remember when my fic was all of my top postings#this is fun though!
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Outside, For Just A Moment (2022, digital)
"Katya, Katya Goncharov."
"Gonacharov? That’s a big name around here. A big name, if you mind me saying, in the wrong places."
"Your makeup is smudged Katya. No, please, let me get it."
Am I putting more effort into fan art for a film that came out in 1973 than I am for my actual portfolio pieces? Yes. Am I proud if it? Yes, because I love this movie, and I’m so happy that it’s built quite a fandom recently. It seems like no one knows it exists and yet, Tumblr finds a way to create fandom.
But like… The way Sophia touches her face in this scene. Katya's makeup is always so cakey, making her face almost powdery. She’s so malleable, so dusted over. You could almost wipe her face away. After she takes the pills, if you notice, she almost starts to glisten. It’s sweat from tension, yes, but you know she's freeing herself in a way. So much was in her mind, and then Goncharov's blood sticks like makeup once again. It’s too cakey. It shows that the "makeup" was his influence all along, and yet, in this earlier market scene Sofia can wipe it away. Really only noticeable on a rewatch because you know that soon the smudged lipstick will be blood. I’ve watched this movie so many times now but it always gives me chills.
The colors in the marketplace in this scene contrasted the boat scene so well. I love the little hints of green that come out through the oranges and reds. Also, the lighting on Katya's face matches when she looks in the mirror before she takes the pills. Such well done drama.
It’s kind of scary how much I’ve fallen in love with Katya's character. I seem to love unreliable narrators haha. It’s too bad we don’t see enough of her and Andrey's interactions. Those few scenes we have are some of my favorites in the whole film. Goncharov truly has both of them caught but in different ways. I don’t do a lot of digital art so this looked like a potato half of the process and I did not want to make the hair look decent, which is why I'm not posting the full face, but I actually really like how it turned out. I love seeing this film have a resurgence on here. the art I’ve seen is absolutely incredible. In the words of Katya herself: “use the time as you have it, for you never know when the clock might just… stop" you all have been using it well. Keep making magic through your works.
#Goncharov#goncharov (1973)#katya#katya goncharov#katya michailov#katya x sophia#unreality#martin sorcese#cinema#fanart#digital art
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Final Assignment: My Soft and Ethereal Manifesto
Over the course of this semester, my creative eye was really opened with all of the different enriching assignments and blog posts we have had to create. I will admit I began the course with one fixed mindset and goal: to complete the assignments as soon as possible to get this class over with. Once I began reading the textbook, I found that I began reading chapters ahead from where the course was and feeling really intrigued and inspired by what I was reading. One thing I really loved was the creative freedom I had to write about the concepts of our assignments each week, with very minimal restrictions on what I could write my blog post about. As I began looking back on the blog posts I have written, I found that throughout the weeks, there were certain overarching themes embedded within my writing, such as themes of softness, dainty colors, and aesthetic photographs.
In my blog post for Module 2: Representative Work, I wrote about the song “this is me trying” by Taylor Swift and analyzed how I am reflected in the song, whether it be lyrically, instrumentally, etc. I chose this song because it has a very ethereal vibe to it, and one can almost imagine listening to it in a secluded forest shrouded in mist and cool air. This theme of ethereality is carried out through a few of my other module blog posts.
Another post that has this theme of soft daintiness is my Module 3 post about abstract images, where we had to analyze an abstract painting or image and discuss certain themes within it and how they make us feel, such as the sensa of the painting, as well as the texture and color choices. I chose this very soft and simple painting by Edgar Degas titled “Dancer in Green.” It spoke to me due to the soft edges and how there seem to be no overly harsh lines, only soft and blended out edges. The colors are also soft and matted, thus creating a soft and ethereal feeling when one looks upon it.
Furthermore, in my Module 5 blog post about Architectural Interiors, I wrote about a space I inhabit regularly and why that might be. I chose to write about my high school’s library because it is the epitome of a soft and cozy space to calm one’s mind and escape the harshness of the outside world filled with assignments, tests, and long essay questions. I wrote about how the library is filled with soft chairs and cozy nooks, and how the absence of harsh, artificial lighting creates the perfect atmosphere in which one can almost nod off and fall asleep if not careful, thus tying back to my soft and ethereal manifesto.
This manifesto can also be seen in another one of my blog posts. It is the Module 9 assignment titled “The Photographer’s Eye,” in which the prompt was to pick a few photos that I have taken and describe why I took them, as well as how they fit into the theme I chose of “sudden happiness.” While the theme for this specific assignment does not particularly align with my overall manifesto of “soft and ethereal,” a few of the photos I chose definitely fit that aesthetic. I chose a picture that I took outside of my job during rush hour of a pretty sunset, and I remember feeling kind of sad that the cashier’s desk faced away from the windows with the pretty views. The picture was very soft and was full of colors that evoked that dainty and passionate feeling.
However, not all of my blog posts fit into that aesthetic, and, as a matter of fact, some of them fall completely on the other side of the spectrum. My post for Module 4 about Public Art, where we had to choose a public piece of art (a sculpture, in my case) from around us and explain its architectural elements add to the surrounding environment. I chose a piece of art that is very loud and bright, full of harsh edges and lines, called the Fire Dance Sculpture in downtown Fort Myers. It is a beautiful piece by David Black, and although its beauty can certainly be appreciated, it does not fit in very well with the overall theme and manifesto of “soft ethereality.”
Thus, my entire blog throughout the semester can be seen as somewhat of a paradox, one that has both soft and light elements as well as harsh, rigid elements. I think this type of contrast is one of the factors that get your mind to unlock its creative potential and see the world from a different lens, which I have definitely been able to do thanks to this course.
0 notes
Text
''Nothing happens the same way twice''
Some more thoughts that I've been having for a while now: perhaps a bit of an addendum to my last post - on being more present.
These photos are from a random spring day back in 2019. I was working on a random video project that day and decided that this would be the perfect place. It's a very small square of land next to my house. You know those really pretty places that sit randomly on the side of the road? This is one. I've always appreciated having any kind of nature near me, and for how it provides a nicer view from my front yard than that of other houses - especially in the spring!
At this time, the small field was alive with a lucious green, covered in all this lilac coloured.. flowers? I'm not even sure what they were. But it was beautiful. I had fun filming my own little video. However, the best part was simply lying on the soft grass, the sun shining, the gentle breeze blowing and the beauty all around me. It was oddly quiet for an afternoon in a place surrounded by roads and houses and people. It was a beautiful moment of serenity, and one of rare days in my life where I experienced little to no anxious thoughts or feelings. Nothing amazing happened that day, and I certainly didn't expect it to be one that would be so lovely that I would remember it four years later. But when I look at these pictures, I can still re-call quite vividly the feelings I experienced that day. A kind of lightness and a great sense of peace that seemed to come out of nowhere.
As days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, I found myself looking forward to the next approaching spring. I anticipated the beautiful blossoming of this little piece of nature, holding hope that I might experience those feelings again. It never happened. I never have experienced a day like that one a few years ago. Even the field itself has seemed to change each year, and has never been so full of life as it was that one time. I've now even heard rumours of possible plans to develop that land. A saddening thought and also quite a sobering one.
Which leads me to my point. A few months ago, I was watching the Narnia film series. In the sequel, Aslan quotes ''Nothing happens the same way twice.'' This quote definitely spoke to me and I've been pondering on it often these days. It comes to my mind when I look at these pictures and remember that day. The one I just expected that I would experience again. As I reflect on this, I've come to realize just how many things in my life do I treat the same way? I have now learned that we should never expect anything to remain the same. Life, like this little field is always changing. Anything we have and love can be gone at any moment. If we do get to experience some things again, this is a gift. Although I've found the quote to still be true here, because even the same things can happen a little differently, or perhaps time has a way of making them feel different or change how we may experience/perceive things.
Either way, I have learned that whether good or bad, you can never really have the exact same experience twice. Life changes, the world changes, even nature changes, and we change too. And you really never know what time will be the last time for anything. It's a sobering thought, but it's true. I think realizing this is the key to living a more present life. Once we realize that every experience has something to give us, even if it's the same one but at different stages of our lives.
One thing I have always known is that time, in it's fleeting nature is the most precious thing we have. Every time you feel the sun shining gently on your face, every laugh, any time spent with someone you care about, every simple and beautiful thing that brings you joy or peace right here and now. All the things you treasure, even down to the smallest things like a quiet spring day spent in a pretty field. Cherish these things. Appreciate them now, and don't wait until they're gone. Don't wait until the perfect time or even for the next time, because such a time is never guaranteed. There are beautiful things all around you, even during the hardest of days. And even those hard times can have something beautiful to give to you.
There's the common saying ''you don't know what you've got until it's gone.'' It's very true, but I think it's time that we start recognizing, at least to the best of our ability. Start remembering that very few things ever stay the same in this life. It's a scary thought, but it can also be a hopeful one. If anything I think it should fill our hearts with more thankfulness for everything we have here and now, and open ourselves up more to complete experience that comes from a more complete presence.
One final thought: although it's true that nothing happens the same way twice, and I think this should cause us to be more aware and thankful for what we have. I'm also working on not letting it be such a scary thought, by recognizing that this can be a beautiful thing.
I never did get to lay down among the lilacs again. But every year (including right now in the middle of winter) orange wildflowers grow. (Maybe as a reminder of things that are indeed eternal. Things like love perhaps. There's also a random section of yellow stands tall on one side of this nature spot. This wasn't there before, but it brightens my day every time I walk past it. This reminds me that though things don't always stay the same, that isn't to say that they can't be beauty in different times, in different ways.
When I think about my own experiences, past and present, I realize that it's true: I really never experienced the same thing twice, and the things that I have, I haven't. Not really. Because the same thing was experienced differently. This is how we continue to learn and grow through life. After all, to to live is to change.
I think being more aware of this, can also make us more thankful for whatever does stay the same throughout the ever changing seasons of our lives. It may be simple, but it's a little awakening I think we all need at some point or another. For open eyes will lead to fuller presence, and a fuller presence is to be truly alive.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
southernbabe365
SouthernBabe
festivaltwrk
trans-europe express
cashsub1
Untitled
certain-resonance-blog
welcome to my brain
washburnillustration
Washburn Illustration