#which is INCREDIBLY funny to me who knows that as a dog breed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

troglobite · 1 year

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no wait i have to get this thought out bc it's been coming around again a few times in my brain:

rando people online: eugh dog people are so stupid "oh my dog is a purebred whatever the fuck!" meanwhile cat people are like "he's orange and stupid and i love him" cat people are so much better.

hi did occur to you at all that might be because the overwhelming majority of pet cats are THE SAME FUCKING BREED

the american shorthair. and also the domestic shorthair. that's it, bro. that's what most of them fucking are.

did you pause to consider that it's because they were domesticated and bred in COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WAYS???

if you wanna criticize breeding practices, go right ahead! they happen with BOTH cats and dogs, and the frequency/spread of those practices is 10000% influenced by the fact that MOST pet cats are all the same fucking breed and most dogs ARE NOT.

literally they were domesticated differently

they are WORLDS different today

the way they were and are bred is very different

if you wanna criticize the concept of show dogs/cats, go right ahead. i hate that shit, too.

but wow once again it happens w both cats and dogs and the intensity/frequency of it is, once again, because of these huge differences between pet cats and dogs

like dogs all over the world were bred for specific jobs

cats were not

cats have had One Job, dude. like as far as i know, that has been and continues to be their Only Fucking Job.

dogs?

have had like HUNDREDS of fucking HYPER SPECIFIC JOBS.

of FUCKING COURSE THERE ARE MORE DOG BREEDS!

if you wanna bitch abt ppl who are condescending abt dog breeds--for instance, jackasses who think some dogs are "inherently violent" or whatever--go for it!

but saying that people who like dogs are all ignorant jackasses purely because they KNOW WHAT BREED THEIR DOG IS is fucking batshit?????

i love poodles.

i love them.

i think they're fun, smart, adorable, i love their hair--and also the poodle in my family never had a silly haircut. we kept it v practical for her (and it was practical bc she didn't need fur directly over her kidneys bc she wasn't diving in cold water to go hunting like poodles were bred to do). she was a small poodle. she loved having fun. we knew what breed she was and it mattered to us bc of the type of temperament likely, and most of all? because we're fucking allergic to dogs. so having a poodle, which has completely different fur (it's hair, really), was key!

does that make me a snooty condescending jackass? really?

i'm so extremely fucking tired of this anti-cat-person and anti-dog-person bullshit

can everyone shut the fuck up and accept that THEY ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PETS and people like them for DIFFERENT REASONS because they have DIFFERENT LIFESTYLES?

i think cats are adorable. i think cat breeds are also interesting. cats are hilarious and sweet and lovely.

and i could never live with one.

putting aside that i'm allergic, i CANNOT deal w a creature that can leap onto any given surface and who enjoys partaking in the wanton destruction of random shit for funsies. while funny and possible to live around for--clearly!--a LOT of people, it wouldn't be for me.

if i cannot hang fairy lights and decorations around my house without fear of them being disturbed, i cannot function.

i also have intense contamination ocd. if i cannot safely assume that my counters are as clean as i left them and that my food has been undisturbed while i wasn't looking, I CANNOT FUNCTION. i therefore cannot have a creature that would get into that shit.

so i cannot live w a cat, much as i enjoy them.

now before everyone freaks the fuck out--YES there are dogs who go batshit, too.

incredibly, i would adopt a breed or mixed breed of dog that is less likely to do that, and is of a size and physicality that would make it nearly impossible to do that.

y'know.

like a mini poodle.

ppl care abt breeds of dogs bc while all dogs are the same in that they're all fucking perfect and i love them (the same goes for cats, calm down)

every breed of dog IS ACTUALLY DIFFERENT

they're wildly different! they're trained to do different things! they want/have/do different jobs! so it's fun and cute and exciting when you have, say, a poodle, and they love doing puzzles. or they always know when you're lying or tricking them. or when you have a retriever or labrador, and they always know when you're sad and they love babies. or a husky who likes singing with you and has actually learned to be on key. or a terrier who, without fail, will always find some shit in the house or dig a bunch of holes or fend off various animals from your yard.

like--that's why it matters at all. that's it.

and i'm just. irritated.

like we can all love cats AND dogs and not deride people for liking one more than the other bc of personal preference.

if they're spouting misinformation abt cats or dogs, yeah, correct them, that sucks! cats aren't cold and cruel. dogs aren't stupid and thoughtless (though i really think king charles cavaliers are the MOST Head Empty dogs in the world, much like orange cats).

or if they're promoting shitty breeding practices, yeah, set em straight! we don't need that shit.

if they have misconceptions abt how to live alongside and communicate with cats or dogs, let em know! give em the info and tools!

but telling cat people or dog people that they're all fucking stupid or condescending or uppity bastards is fucking ridiculous

and i'd appreciate it if everyone could grow the fuck up and stop engaging in this POINTLESS, INACCURATE, THOUGHTLESS FUCKING "DISCOURSE" AND STOP MAKING ME FUCKING READ THIS SHIT OR EVEN GLIMPSE IT

cats and dogs are great

i personally love and prefer dogs bc of who i am and what my lifestyle is, but i love cats too. and that's fucking fine. everybody can chill the fuck out.

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uramichislefttiddie · 3 years

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Life Lessons With Uramichi Oniisan Alphabet

||Contains: Uramichi Omota + Iketeru Daga||

||Warnings: NSFW||

Reminder! Please don’t comment anything that implies your age, I cannot stop who reads this unfortunately but I can at the very least give out a warning that this contains nsfw content.⚠️

please forgive me I could not stop laughing whilst writing this, I had to skip specific words because it did not sound right to me and my childish behaviour😭

Uramichi Omota:

A: Aftercare (how they treat you afterwards)

If anything all this man will want to do is try and get a good nights rest even if it means only a couple hours of sleep. He will make sure however you are cleaned up and are alright before he deals with himself. He’d never leave you to care for yourself, he always makes sure he cares for you first. He’s very touch starved meaning he makes sure he gets cuddles and kisses before you both drift off into a slumber!

B: Body (his fav part of his body and yours)

His favourite body part on himself most likely would be his muscles specifically his toned arms, I mean he’s a former gymnast so what can you expect? On you his favourite part would be either ass or thighs, the reason mainly being it’s something he can rest on, or another reason being he loves to mark your thighs up not caring if anyone can see, also he just genuinely likes groping your ass however he’ll only do that in privacy, he’d rather not have the risk of someone having just witnessed him groping your ass in public. In make out sessions always expect his hands to be roaming either along your thighs or ass there’s no other option it could be.

C: Cum (well I’m pretty sure you can gather what I mean)

Majority of the time he will make sure to not cum inside you meaning hell either do it over your face or body, however once in awhile if you allow him he will not pass up the opportunity to cum inside you. When I say once in awhile, Uramichi will try and make it near enough every time that you allow him to cum inside, he just loves the idea of having the risk you could end up with having his children. (Russian roulette type beat/j) and a plus to him is that if he can cum in you it means less cleaning to do.

D: Dirty Secret (a secret of theirs that they haven’t told)

Now I get a strong sense that this man really wants to try bondage with ropes especially, wether it be you that’s tied up or him he doesn’t care either way he really wants to try it. But he doesn’t want to scare you off by asking so he still hasn’t mentioned it and he doesn’t want you to start making fun off him about it💀 however you’ve had an inkling for awhile that he’s got something about being tied up.

E: Experiance (Do they know what they’re doing?)

Now he may be 31 years of age but this man has never gone past kissing someone before he met you. You were his first and oh boy he had no clue what he was doing, mainly because he was nervous and couldn’t comprehend what was truly happening. He has watched his fair share of porn etc but when it came down to actually doing it himself he mind had become fog. Overtime though he’s come to learn what you like best and least and has took that into account and now it’s as if he’s been doing it for years.

F: Favourite Position (which he prefers to do)

Now he’ll most likely switch between a mating press or doggy style. The reasoning for mating press is it allows him to be more face to face to you and he can see your face during it which turns him on even more. And let’s be real he more than likely has a breeding kink. So mating press + breeding kink = heaven to him. Now the reason for doggy style is because he loves having your bare ass slam against him and watching it jiggle when he slaps it. He also loves leaving marks on your hips meaning doggy style makes that all the easier.

G: Goofy (do they laugh or are they the serious type)

Uramichi is probably the type of be serious, he might laugh there and than every so often if something a bit funny happens but overall he’s pretty much serious and that’s just him.

H: Hairy (shave? Unshaven?)

Unshaven, however he will trim it if you ask him to, but seeing as he’s 31 I think he couldn’t care less about body hair as it’s normal and he just sees it as a waste of time to have to repeatedly shave.

I: Intamicy (how they’re like in bed)

80% of the time he will be rough, releasing out all the pent up anger and frustration, but he still makes sure your ok. Although there will be them days where he just wants to be more romantic than rough and his whole demeanour will have flipped upside down and he’ll be acting all lovey dovey. Plus most definitely a switch.

J: Jack Off (Do they? Or not?)

Nah, not really, if he’s in that type of mood and your not with him he’ll either wait or come meet you wherever you are so he can get relief.

K: Kink (What kinks they have)

Gagging, Breeding, Bondage, Dacryphilia, cockwarming

L: Length (how big they are)

He’s more girthy than long, he’s probably about 6 inches which is a good length all in all.

M: Motivation (what gets them going)

When you start whining at him for attention or if you raise your voice at him because oh boy that really does set off something in him when you raise your voice.

N: No (something they will not do)

Knife play or anything that could seriously harm you even by accidental.

O: Oral (which they prefer)

He prefers giving than receiving but once in awhile he’d just want you to be the one giving it to him and making him fall under your touch.

P: Pace (how fast they go)

He’s not necessarily fast but rather hard. By that I mean he will go full force into you where both yours skins slap against each other and where he will grunt a lot which oh boy is hot.

Q: Quicke (do they do them?)

Surprisingly he does them a lot seeing as he has work 6 days a week which really only leaves him with one day where it can just be you and him all day. So either he’ll do one in the morning or at night but it depends if he’s feeling too tired after work.

R: Risk (are they one for taking a risk?)

Now he’ll hate someone interrupting so he always makes sure you both do it where the chances of getting interrupted are reduced drastically, plus it’d be very embarrassing for someone to walk in. Usahara now always make sure to knock before making his grand entrance into his apartment. The risk of you getting pregnant kinda excites him in a way so you gotta watch out with this man.

S: Stamina (how many rounds can they go for)

On an average he can last around 2-3 rounds but on a very good day it feels like it’s never ending, he just needs that motivation if you get me.

T: Toys (do they use them)

No. He’s never really been into them and they’ve never sparked his interest.

U: Unfair (are they fair)

He’s quite fair to be honest, he makes sure you both equally get what you both want but there can be times he can be a tease when he’s in one of them type of moods.

V: Volume (how loud they are)

Majority of the time he lets out grunts rather than moans, he gets embarrassed if he moans however after the time you told him you like it when does he doesn’t hold back anymore but like I said most of the time he grunts and breathes heavily.

X: X-ray (what they’re like under there)

Like I said, more girthy than long.

Y: Yearning (how high is their sex drive)

It’s shockingly quite high, although it may not show when he’s near you expect him to be quite touchy most of the time waiting for you to get the signal. In simple terms he’s quite the horn dog.

Z: Zzz (how fast they go to sleep afterwards)

I’ll say it straight. He goes to sleep incredibly fast, but he won’t before he makes sure your cleaned up and settled down!

Iketeru Daga

A: Aftercare (how they treat you afterwards)

This boy will give you the best aftercare ever. You hungry? Ok he’ll go make something for you. You want to go for a drive? Ok he’ll take you for a drive. You want a shower/bath? Ok he’ll go prepare you one. You understand me now. He will double check your ok and cleaned up as best as possible. Will always make sure you’ve gone to the toilet afterwards and have had some water. Will fall asleep with you in his arms always whilst reading to you.

B: Body (his fav part of his body and yours)

His favourite part of his body will be his hands, not only because they’re pleasing to the eye but because he knows his long fingers can make you come undone very quickly and easily and that gives him somewhat of a boost. His favourite part of your body to him will be your lips, he loves the feeling of them when he kisses you or when your kissing him anywhere (😏 /j)

C: Cum (well I’m pretty sure you can gather what I mean)

He loves seeing his cum dripping down your face, the way it leaves a shine along your face just looks so pretty to him. So he prefers to cum over your face or in your mouth to where he can see it dripping down yourself. Don’t get me wrong he’d love to cum in you but he’s responsible and would rather wait until you both want a child so he doesn’t need to worry about getting you pregnant.

D: Dirty Secret (a secret of theirs that they haven’t told)

He likes to be choked. Awhile back you had no clue until you accidentally did and that’s when the game got even more interesting. He really just overall loves seeing you in charge.

E: Experiance (Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s had a few girlfriends in the past but never gone as far as to do more than make out with them, he’s always said he’d save it for the when the right person comes along and he knows it the right person. But he very much does know what he’s doing, he knows how to make you feel good, he’s done plenty of research.

F: Favourite Position (which he prefers to do)

Reverse cowgirl. He absolutely loves you riding him and if it means reverse cowgirl it allows him to smack your ass and fondle it, also allows him to easily guide you with your hips. Damn he goes berserk when your in this position I tell you.

G: Goofy (do they laugh or are they the serious type)

Do I even need to say? Of course he’s going to be goofy, the man laughs at dick jokes. However once he starts laughing that’s it, he won’t be able to stop for awhile, it’s honestly become uncontrollable.

H: Hairy (shave? Unshaven?)

Honestly, he leaves it down to you and what you prefer, he doesn’t mind if you prefer shaven or not either way he’ll go with what you like.

I: Intamicy (how they’re like in bed)

Probably the slow but long stroke type of guy. He loves the way you start to become impatient and fidgety. He loves the look in your eyes when he’s facing you.

J: Jack Off (Do they? Or not?)

He only will if he hasn’t seen you for a few days or hasn’t been able to do anything with you. He prefers doing it with you actually.

K: Kink (What kinks they have)

Choking, Food Play, Cockwarming, Spit, Praise

L: Length (how big they are)

Longer than girthy, he reaches about 7.5 inches, he can definitely reach the high spots.

M: Motivation (what gets them going)

When you start to praise him, especially with “good boy” that will get him going almost immediately, it just switches something on in his mind so very quickly.

N: No (something they will not do)

He’s willing to try most things as long as you feel safe and he feels safe and you both know to be careful and know how far to go with everything.

O: Oral (which they prefer)

He prefers receiving than giving, he just loves being able to watch you go down on him and struggle. But when you want some he will be more than happy to give.

P: Pace (how fast they go)

Life I previously said, he’s the type of guy that goes slow but he makes sure he’s hitting all the right spots that you like and that gets you going.

Q: Quicke (do they do them?)

He prefers to not have them but if it comes down to it and you really want one he will do so, but don’t expect it to become a regular thing.

R: Risk (are they one for taking a risk?)

Oh he’s scarred many peoples eyes and mind because he simply “forgot” to lock the door and close the curtains/blinds. Poor Uramichi as if he hadn’t enough going on. He doesn’t really want to risk getting you pregnant though, so he will use a condom.

S: Stamina (how many rounds can they go for)

He can go for a straight 3 or more rounds, it normally stops when it’s you that can’t take anymore not the other way round, he always waits until you’ve had your pleasure before he’ll stop.

T: Toys (do they use them)

Now he’d never admit it, but before you two started being sexual he had quite the few toys. He most likely had a flashlight, tenga egg and a cock ring for example. Them type of ones.

U: Unfair (are they fair)

He’s the fairest of them all, he’d make sure your getting what you need and than sort himself out, he’s never once been unfair to you.

V: Volume (how loud they are)

Now…this mans a full on moaner and he has no shame about it. He honestly has that type of pretty moan too, where he whimpers at the same time and he will not look away either. Oh and if your the one sucking him off, be prepared because he can’t hold back at all, it’s honestly like heaven to him.

X: X-ray (what they’re like under there)

As already said he’s quite long compared to others, he reaches about 7.5 inches.

Y: Yearning (how high is their sex drive)

Probably around average but if you get him going well-

Z: Zzz (how fast they go to sleep afterwards)

Will not go to sleep no matter what before you, it always has to be you that falls asleep first before he can fall into a slumber. He always wants to know your safe. And plus if you’ve fallen asleep he will clean you up if you haven’t already, and will leave some water and paracetamol next to you for when you wake up and if he leaves before you in the morning or wakes up before you he’ll always leave a little note next to you too.

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weirdmarioenemies · 3 years

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Name: Aphid

Debut: Real Life

Welcome to Funky Friday! This Friday is particularly special to me, you see, I get to talk about a creature I am very passionate about, if you know me outside of this blog, it should come to no surprise that Aphids are up there as one of my favorite earthlings ever! They’re part of my username, and hence, my internet persona, I even put little antennae on emoticons like this ==:) I’m obsessed! But I swear it’s all justified!

To protect the peace of those who may be afraid of bugs, I’ll be talking exclusively about Aphids in Videogames! They haven’t had the biggest presence, but in recent years they’ve made some lovely appearances!

Aphids. Just look at them! They’re very green, very round, and very small! They have very long antennae as well! Instantly checking off all the marks that make a perfect creature design!

Aphids are sap sucking insects, they just hang around in colonies sipping sap from plants, a very peaceful life, they’re incredibly good at just hanging out and slurping plant juice! So much so that they are sadly considered as pests by humans, but they’re just trying to get by! Like you and me, the way they’re vilified everywhere is really unfortunate, they deserve to live just like any other earthling, but whenever you google em you just get stuff on how to get rid of them, I believe their presence in art like movies and videogames can be very important to change this perception!

Name: Aphid

Debut: Bee Swarm Simulator (Roblox)

Let’s start with the face of the post, Roblox aphid! Look at this simple model! Just a pea with 2 red orbs for peepers and sticks for antennae, I love the charm of such a simplified bug!

Bee Swarm Simulator is a lovely little farm game that has you collect nectar and breed all kinds of bees! While out in the flower fields, you may find an aphid while collecting nectar. Like all bugs in this game, they will attack you, but to be fair, you are very tiny, so it makes sense a giant bug could damage you, even if they don’t do anything particularly dangerous!

When your bees defeat them they can drop rare items! And as such, aphid encounters are quite a blessing, matter of fact, they have rarity tiers! And they change their appearance accordingly, there’s Rage Aphids

Armored Aphids

and Diamond Aphids!

Overall very charming inclusion, aphids now come in new flavors! Every time I play this game I hope I get to encounter one of these sweet peas! Silly models of bugs are fantastic, so Roblox aphids make me very happy!

Name: Aphid

Debut: Bug Fables

Now THIS is my personal favorite fictional aphid appearance in media ever! In the world of Bug Fables, they are livestock! And you even get to go to an aphid farm! Here, they keep regular Aphids for their honeydew, Cochineals for their red pigment, and Woolly Aphids for their wool! That’s right! This game gave us representation for TWO kinds of real life aphids! It’s such a delight!

Everyone in the world of Bug Fables respects and loves aphids, people find them very cute! Some of them even keep them as casual pets! Could you imagine? A cat-sized aphid for you to hold? The people in Bug Fables are living my dream and I want in! I hope you can also agree they’re extremely cute, the artists nailed that sweet little drop-shaped face I adore so much!

On April Fools, the Bug Fables devs released a short game all about aphids! Aphid Festival! Here you can train and breed your aphids! Which allows you to get all kinds of different color patterns for your aphids! Can you believe this? If you told me “In the year of 2021 there’s a videogame that’s completely centered around aphids.” I would’ve never believed you!

Name: Aphid Lurker

Debut: Jax and Daxter

Now I know what you may be thinking, “this is just a dog!” And yeah they’re definitely the doggiest bug I have ever seen, or is it the buggiest dog? Regardless of how you feel on the validity of their buggyness, you gotta admit it’s very impressive we have an aphid-based enemy in a game from 2001, most other aphid appearances I could find were very recent, was Jax and Daxter a trendsetter? Probably not, but maybe at least one kid out there saw Aphid Lurker and went “Woah aphid? What’s that?” googled them, and proceeded to fall in love with them!

Regardless of their good impact for all of aphid-kind, they are very round, very green, and have antennae! So I really can’t dislike them, they even got spikes!! Which is something I like to see in my round creature designs sometimes, it just works!

Name: Aphid

Debut: Grounded

Returning to modern games, Grounded is a survival game that has you shrunk down to the size of an ant! So you gotta survive among the towering grass blades in the middle of a garden! Fortunately for us, this means you get to interact with tiny insects very up close! Including aphids!

Don’t be fooled by the fancy graphics and realistic aesthetics, aphids in Grounded are arguably the cartooniest creatures you can find! They almost look like a real aphid, but they have a vertebrate mouth! Perfect for opening in surprise when you get close to one, they’ll jump, chirp with an extremely cartoonish expression, and then flop into the ground, before scuttling away!

Now that’s a silly little mouth!

Aphids in this game are peaceful creatures, they’re a bit timid so they’ll run away from you but they will let you get close over time, they also drop honeydew, which you can use as food, so you really want to befriend and protect these little dudes if you can!

Name: Aphid

Debut: Scribblenauts

Scribblenauts is a game where you can type anything and it’ll come to life! So the devs really tried their best at including everything they thought a player could think of, and they thought of silly bug fans like me! People who would type “aphid” in hopes an unloved little bug they love could appear in the game with them, and instead of being met with the usual disappointment, were met with a cute little rendition of this sweet green bug!

Design-wise, I’m a bit sad they added a neck, they have no necks! They’re funny teardrop shaped bullets! But they DID add the cornicles! (The two little horns on their butt). Out of all the videogame aphids I’ve shown you, this is the ONLY one to include the cornicles! Not even Grounded who went with a semi realistic design got it! So thank you Scribblenauts, for considering the aphid, as well as giving them their anatomically correct defense organs.

Finally, I’d like to give a shoutout to Aphie from A Bug’s Life! Not a videogame aphid, but 100% one of the earliest aphid representations in media! And they’re very cute, just a little puppy! They got a puppy tongue and all, given ants herd and take care of aphids, having one of them keep one as a pet is a very cute way to humanize an ant! Also Aphie has the cornicles!! Good on you Pixar, you did your research.

And that’s all for this special friday! Thank you reader for coming in this journey with me, here’s hoping there’ll be more aphid representation in the future!

#aphid #insects #funky friday #mod sockop #not mario #aphib post.... I did it #can't believe i'm just allowed to do this #ty everyone who reads these posts by us! We just love silly creatures!

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mashiraostail · 3 years

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Hiiii, i was wondering if i could request some vlad king and gang orca taking care of their s/o pets. Like if the reader was out of town and asked them to take care of their dogs👉👈 i feel like vlad is such a good doggy dad that the dogs play together and i feel like gang orca would be lost but doing his best and if he was taking care of a cat i like to think it would love being around him because cats love fish and he would just always have his s/o cat cuddling on his lap. Im sorry for ranting lol i love your work you're doing great💕

awwehehe this is so cute since you mentioned dogs for vlad and cats for kugo that's what i went with! also indulged myself and included kugo/ jiro/shoji content bc that seems like such a GOOD FUNNY AND WHOLESOME trio and i wanted more content than we got smh

Sekijiro Kan/Vlad King: "Hey Sek, I need a huge favor.” You look up from your phone at the taller man who is currently scrunched into the corner of his couch scrutinizing a piece of paper with really terrible handwriting on it. “Sounds dangerous.” He replies without looking up and you snort dropping to the cushion beside him. “Only a little, but I think you’re good for it.” “Alright then, so what’s the favor?” His eyes flick up to you. “I need to go visit a friend out of town.” You sigh, “she had a baby last month, I used to work with her husband and she asked if I wanted to spend some time back home with her for her birthday next week, I should be about five days.” You rest your hands on his knees, “so while I’m out there..would you mind watching Kilo for me? I hate to leave him behind but It’d be a pain to travel so far with him I know he hates trains.” “That’s a huge favor?” He raises an eyebrow at you, “sure I can watch him. I bet they’ll get along fine.” He glances at his own dog curled up under a chair. “But only If you can figure out what the hell Monoma tried to write here.” For all intents and purposes, Kilo was a good dog, a little stupid, but a good dog nonetheless. To be honest, he’s really honored you trust him with the task, you’re the only person he’s met that seems to love your own dog as much as he loves his. Plus it also meant that Kilo had to like him a fair bit which was also a relief, as a dog owner he knew any potential partner was only as compatible with him as they were with his dog, and his dog loved you, he was sure you felt the same way, any partner that Kilo didn’t get along with would be impossible for you to get along with, he found it more than a little reassuring that Kilo seemed to enjoy his company. Past all that, and maybe even most important this was a perfect opportunity to introduce the two dogs. He was sure it was no secret to you but this wasn’t exactly a casual fling, with the way things were going it felt pretty inevitable that he’d ask if you wanted to move in together; but if the two didn’t get along well then..that’d be an issue. Though he was sure if things got tested out now you’d have some time to at least try to get the dogs to be comfortable with each other or hopefully think of some sort of workaround. In his eyes, this was a blessing for him as much as it was a favor to you. “Are you sure you don’t mind keeping Kilo at your place?” Sekijiro is slightly embarrassed to say how early he arrived at this park, he wanted to tire his own dog out before introducing the pair, he’d advised you to do the same so you were walking to the park, you'd called him on your way. “Of course I don’t mind babe.” He tosses a ball from his seat on the bench and watches his pudgy bulldog trot over to it, “it’ll be easier this way, right?” “Yeah that’s true, I just don’t want Kilo wrecking any of your stuff, he always means well but he gets into trouble sometimes-” “Don’t worry about it, he’ll be a model student by the time you get back.” He hears you laugh into the receiver at that. “I don’t doubt that, I’m almost there, I’ll see you in a few okay?” “Yeah sure thing, can’t wait.” You huff out another laugh at him before hanging up. “Sekijiro!” You chirp brightly at the sight of the man, he’s too busy taking you in to respond. Kilo’s trotting a foot or so in front of you on his leash, that old joke about dogs looking reminiscent of their owners was certainly true in your case, you both looked delighted to see him and beyond that, you were practically glowing... Maybe he just had a thing for people who were good with animals. “Hey Sek?” You lean down in front of him. “Hey! He welcomes Kilo between his knees, the mixed breed was a bit larger than his dog who was currently bounding back to him with a ball and sufficient slobber hanging from his mouth, the size difference in mind though Kilo was a hell of a lot less bulky, he was practically streamlined, Sekijiro had seen how fast the dog could run with his own eyes. He could see why you took so much pride in the dog, he was definitely beautiful his coat was long, wavy, and shiny and he had big blue eyes and admittedly the cutest pink nose and spotted tongue Sekijiro had ever seen. “Thanks so much again for doing this I really-” An excited bark pulls your attention downwards, “look who it is!” You sing, crouching down to pet the panting dog, “you sure look tired. Sekijiro is working you too hard.” You frown at him as he hops up to rest his front paws on your thighs. “Don’t be ridiculous.” Sekijiro laughs, “but he is worn out, I guess Kilo is too though.” Kilo’s head is on his knee, the larger dog is panting too. They seem to notice each other, and approach with a lazy curiosity. They sniff around each other for a bit but after that return to their respective activities, seemingly unbothered by each other and the proximity of the other dog to their owner. Kilo didn’t mind your cooing at Vlad’s dog who didn’t seem to mind Kilo’s head in his owner's lap. With that little bit of reassurance, you hand him Kilo’s leash and a bag of his stuff; food dish, some toys and treats and the like, and then you part ways after promising to call him when you get to your home town safely. All in all the coming days are pretty uneventful, Kilo joins them on their daily walks, eats at the same time with no trouble, finds a comfortable place to sleep each night. “Is Kilo alright?” Your voice is nervous in the receiver. “He’s better than babe, seriously they’re getting along great.” “God that’s such a relief.” You sigh, “the pictures you’ve sent are cute..gosh I miss him.” You pout a little. “Gee I miss you too babe.” He mutters it with a playful edge to his voice and you gasp, “I was going to say I miss you too but forget it!” “don’t be mean!” He complains back, “I was kidding! And anyway I miss you. How’s it been out there?” You go off on your usual tangents before ending up back at square one. “Oh! I called you for a reason actually!” You remember, “I’ll be a little bit late getting back on Sunday, one of the trains is going to be down so I’m taking a later one, I should be back around midnight now would you mind-” “Of course not babe, I’ll get you from the station so-” “No no! It’s okay you’ve already done so much that’s not what I was going to ask! I just wanted to be sure you wouldn’t mind keeping Kilo around for the extra time...I can get a taxi, seriously don’t wait up for me!” “Well just come to my place when you get back right?” “I wouldn’t wanna wake you up-” “It’s been way too long since I saw you last, so I don’t mind, if you won’t let me pick you up from the station at least come right here.” “You’re convincing.” You laugh a little, embarrassment heating up your face, “I guess that’s fine with me then...” A distant sounding voice pulls you away from the receiver, “Sek I have to go, I’ll call you again soon though!” “Don’t worry about anything babe.” He reassures you as you hang up. There is one minor spat over a rope toy but it’s resolved easily enough and the pair seem to get on swimmingly after that, even sharing a couch cushion and occasionally resting their heads on each other, they become incredibly fast friends, which is probably the biggest relief on the planet to Sekijiro. Watching the two of them play tug of war in his living room or witnessing their schemes to get leftovers off the counter on Thursday night essentially cement his vision of a future with you. If you were being totally honest it was embarrassing how attractive you found Sekijiro getting along with your dog to be, you’d never got the obsession of handsome guys holding cute babies but seeing some of the photos he’d sent to you over the almost 6 days you were gone made butterflies crop up in your stomach the likes of which you’d only felt when he was actively trying to fluster you...but this seemed totally unintentional. To say you were incredibly eager to go home and see him (jump his bones) felt like an understatement. It’s past midnight when you get back and the place is mostly dark, you see a vaguely bulldog shaped blob partially under a blanket on the couch, but the snoring it emits gives away it’s identity easily. You leave your bag at the door and venture into the apartment, poking your nose into the bedroom. Of course, Sekijiro is there, dead asleep on his back, and who’s with him but Kilo, his head resting on the blood hero’s chest one of his hands resting on top of it. “Oh Vlad-” You coo, you practically sing it at him. “Wha-whatsitwhat-” He rubs his face as he picks his head up, “oh, hey welcome back ‘s good to see you, missed you-” “You’re so sweet-” You’re already at the side of his bed, leaning down and kissing him. “What’s-” Sekijiro takes a minute to process everything before he realizes it’s Kilo’s head on his chest making you act like this. “Oh no way, he’s been a total angel-” “I’m so glad he likes you so much-” You murmur it between kisses, to his lips and various other spots on his cheeks and jaw, “you guys are adorable together.” “I’m glad you think so-” He cuts himself off with a yawn and turns into your lips, kissing you again before speaking, “you weren’t kidding about that late train huh? It’s almost 1 AM, you must be exhausted, there’s plenty of room for you in here so come on.”

Kugo Sakamata/Gang Orca: “Hey, Kugo...” You approach him from behind and wrap your arms around his shoulders, leaning against the back of the chair he’s sat in. “Yes?” One hand comes up to cover your forearm the other stays dutifully at work. “You love me, right?” You rest your head against his and he pricks up at the inquisition. “Of course I do, why would you ask a question like that? Is something wrong?” The way his hand subtly squeezes your arm isn’t lost on you. “Hmm..no nothing's wrong.” You lean into him and close your eyes as he sighs good-naturedly. “Then what? Did you just want to hear me say it?” He leans back into you, “I guess I could entertain that...” His thumb swipes a long stroke over the skin of your forearm, “I love you, dear.” He can feel you prickle up at that behind him. “I love you too Kugo.” You squeeze him tighter and he huffs out a quiet laugh. “I’m glad to hear it. Now is that all you needed?” He puts his pen down to bring his other hand up to your arms, “I’m a bit busy. You’re welcome to stay there if you like though I just need to finish some paperwork and make a few phone calls. After that, we can do whatever you like for the night.” “Well, now that you mention it there was just one more thing. I’ll be fast I promise.” Your hand slides underneath his lapel and into his jacket. “Don’t worry I can make a bit of time for you then, what’s the matter?” You make eye contact with him through his darkened computer screen. “My boss invited me to this big conference next week, it’s a pretty great opportunity and I could meet some important people..” You explain, biting your lip, “it could be really good for me to branch out even she thinks so, and getting some more experience will be great, and it’s pretty close to my hometown so I figured I'd stop in and see some old friends after I got done..It’d be about 5 or so days and I’d really like to go.” You sigh and he seems more than a little confused based on his reflection. “That does sound like a great opportunity for you, you’re right..what’s the problem then? Do you need advice about something?” His confusion doesn’t quell even as you kiss his temple. “I probably will later but for now the problem is Luna.” “Your cat?” Kugo piques, “why is she a problem?” You sigh, “if I’m not around no one will be there to feed her and make sure she stays out of trouble.” “Oh is that it? That’s no problem at all dear, I can look after her for you. Is that what you were going to ask me?” “You don’t mind?” You perk up, “I don’t want to trouble you...and I know I could just as easily leave a key under my mat and have a neighbor do it but I trust you so much more and-” “It’s no trouble, really.” Kugo laughs a little, "I pass by your apartment all the time on patrols, I’m sure the interns won't mind if I make a stop and head up to check on her every now and again.” “Oh! You can totally bring them up if they like cats!” He laughs at that too. “Was that all?” “Mhm.” You nod and use the motion to nestle into him a bit, “Thank you Kugo.” ”It’s really my pleasure. Leave it to me, alright?” All things considered, Kugo’s also pretty honored to be trusted with the task of watching your pet cat, he knows how much you love and worry about her, you dote on her all the time, and if the copious amount of photos you send him of her say anything she’s definitely your pride and joy. For the most part, you spent the bulk of your time with Kugo at his own home, due largely to the fact that he was larger than average and he existed a fair bit more comfortably there, but he paid you visits in your apartment from time to time and had met the cat, she seemed to like him plenty which was a relief as well. You stop at Kugo’s before you leave and give him a list of things to double-check when he stops in, though you reassure him that there shouldn’t be any problems, Luna was pretty independent and mellow she didn’t like going outside so he didn’t have to worry about her escaping or anything like that. He tries to stop in at least 3 times a day, before, during, and after patrols, he knows that’s probably overkill, you spend all day at work and have never had an issue but he hates the idea of something happening to the feline on his watch. Plus even if he wouldn’t readily admit it he saw this as a perfect time to get on the cat's good side, you said she already loved him but he wasn’t convinced. He knew how much you loved her and any vision of your future that he had always featured the mellow feline so in his mind it was imperative they got on well. On top of that, he was glad you trusted him with something as small and delicate as Luna, she fits pretty comfortably in his hand and was as fragile as she was petit, but you never seemed off-put by the idea of him holding her or petting her, in fact, you encouraged it. The way you even wanted him near her when you weren’t around to supervise put him at ease about his strength and size, he always worried about breaking delicate things, but that wasn’t a worry you seemed to echo. “Is something going on in that building?” Shoji looks up at your complex as he pauses by it, “you’re stopping here a lot since yesterday.” “Huh? Oh. Actually no... well nothing of importance to you. I’m...catsitting.” Jiro holds her breath the hold in the laugh, “Catsitting?” “Yes...my partner is away at a work conference, the cat in question is theirs.” Kugo nods, “if you like cats you can come up and meet her, she’s actually quite friendly.” Kugo was pretty used to Luna at this juncture, but whenever other people met her it was easy to see why you were so proud of her, she was quite the stunning cat, a long dark grey and black coat with big green eyes and a swishing tail, her paws were colored as if she was wearing boots. “Wow...she’s really pretty, I’ve never seen a cat like this.” Jiro was crouched on the ground, stroking her neck. “I was surprised too.” Kugo confesses, “they found her in a box on the side of the road about a year before we met. She was only a kitten then. Her name’s Luna.” She seemed to like the pair equally alternating between them, rubbing against their legs and shuffling her head into their palms. “She is very friendly.” Shoji remarks as she purrs at him, attempting to climb into his lap. “She’s good at getting into trouble, but she usually means well. You can stay with her for a minute.” He sets off to double-check the usual; food, water, litterbox, the loose window that she’s always wiggling open despite having no desire to climb out of it, he waters a few plants and straightens up anything she knocked over as well. When he returns she's overturned on Shoji’s lap. “You’re getting along well.” He swipes a pillow she’d knocked over up and replaces it on the couch. “She’s really sweet!” Jiro is scratching her stomach. “I’m glad to hear it.” “Hey..sorry if this is too personal or whatever but I didn’t know you were.. dating someone... We didn’t snoop or anything though!” She swears, holding both hands up, the cat looks disgruntled at the loss of attention. “It’s alright I trust you.” Kugo waves her off, “Luna looks too comfortable anyways, you’ve clearly been petting her this whole time.” He adds with a small chuckle. At the sound of her name, she rolls over and winds around his feet, circling through his ankles and pawing at his pants until he lifts her up. “To answer you though yes I am seeing someone.” He holds Luna with one hand, his ring and middle finger scratching the patch of grey fur on her chest. “Are they a hero too?” She wonders, straightening up. “No...no they’re not, I’m not very public about this sort of thing.” Shoji contemplates that, “they have a nice apartment.” “That is true, it’s a good job, and they do have a pretty keen eye for decorating” He agrees, looking around amicably. “Have you guys been together for a long time?” Jiro blurts out before feeling color float up to her cheeks, “sorry I don’t mean to be rude... I just never pictured you like this I guess I’m curious-” “It’s okay, most people don’t, and yes, we’ve been together a while now.” Kugo raises a hand to calm her, “but like I said before I’m not very public about things like this which is why you wouldn’t have heard..though either way, even when we do go out together... most people don’t assume I do that sort of thing, and to be frank, we aren’t the most...visually compatible pair..” He says that with a distinct fondness in his voice and then continues, “like you said, you don’t really picture me in this sort of light, most people don’t so hero gossip tabloids tend to leave me alone for the most part, I get a fair bit of freedom when it comes to this sort of thing because of that. There are probably plenty of photos of us together out there, though people usually assume they’re my manager or a secretary or just a friend.” Luna is purring loudly in his hand, her body largely slack against his chest. He walks her over to the couch and sets her down, which she warbles angrily at, “to be honest though I prefer it this way. I’m a private person.” “That makes sense...well, their cat sure likes you.” Shoji points and Kugo chuckles. “I’m fond of her myself.” Kugo admits, “everything is as it should be here so we can head out again, sorry for the tangent.” He scratches Luna’s neck and sighs, “as for you I’ll be back tonight. So try to behave until then, for my sake alright?” Jiro tries not to laugh at the sight. “I didn’t think you’d actually bring them up! Did they like her?” You sound delighted about it over the phone that night. “I may have knocked a few intimidation points off of myself, but yes they thought she was cute.” He was sitting with her, contemplating staying the night here. He was embarrassed to say it but this was the longest you’d spent apart in a while and despite any appearances, he had gone soft and was starting to miss you, being around your stuff was nice even if he didn’t fit too well in your bed. “I don’t think you’re very intimidating at all.” You peep back thoughtlessly. “Well, I’d sure hope not.” He chuckles and leans against the couch, “she’s been good too I was,..expecting her to break more.” Truthfully Kugo wasn’t sure what he was expecting, he never had pets growing up and hero work didn’t give much free time to consider one, it took a day to get comfortable with her, and even now he was watching his every step for her. “I’m glad to hear that!” You laugh, “she’s a pretty great cat isn't she?” “I have to agree..” Kugo wouldn’t mind having her around all the time, the longer he sat on your couch and contemplated it the more he realized he wouldn't mind having the both of you around all the time. Was this some sort of emotional sign to ask you to stay with him? He’d give that more thought at a later date. “Kugo are you listening?” “Of course I am.” He was not. You don’t seem perturbed though, chuckling and then sighing fondly, “I’m gonna go shower then call it a night, I miss you two though.” Kugo looks down at the cat on his lap and he nods, “we miss you too. I’ll be up for a bit longer so call or text me if you need anything.” “You shouldn’t stay up so late Kugo it’s bad for you-” “I know, I know, I’ll turn over a new leaf when you get back.” “Sure you will.” You snort, “I love you Kugo.” “I love you too, I’ll see you soon.” You wanted to see Kugo first thing when you got back but you were so exhausted that you can’t help sulking to your own place, things had gone well enough but all the commotion and travel really drained you. You were sure it wasn’t anything spending some time or even a night with Kugo couldn’t fix though. When you shoulder your door open though there’s Kugo, sitting on your couch. “Kugo, you’re here?” He’s holding some papers in one hand, the other is holding Luna’s back, keeping her against his chest. “I was just checking in on her but every time I tried to leave she started..making a weird noise.” “Weird like how?” You chuckle, suddenly feeling much better. “Sort of like screaming. But cat-like. I sat down and she clawed her way up here, then fell asleep and almost fell off, but I caught her and she hasn’t moved since.” “And... how long ago was that?” “What time is it?” “Half-past 6.” “2 hours ago. I didn’t want to wake her.” “Kugo.” You laugh and sit beside him, “you’re so sweet.” You wrap both of your arms around one of his and lean into his shoulder, “I missed you so much.” “I missed you too.” Kugo sets the papers down on the pile by the arm of the couch, “It's sort of embarrassing but I even stayed here a few nights because of it. I can’t remember the last time I went even 2 days without seeing you.” He appreciates the way you seem to melt into him at that. “That’s not embarrassing it’s sweet, you’re so cute Kugo...” You lean up and kiss him, “such a big softie aren’t you?” A soft hum is his reply as you pull away, “was she any trouble? Be honest.” “I was worried at first that I’d screw it up somehow but it went fine.” He confesses as he lifts the cat off his chest and she’s sleepy and limp in his big hand, purring contentedly. “She was acting up the 2nd day but I think she was just confused about not seeing you. Then she got used to me and was alright.” “That’s cute..” You yawn and clamber onto his lap, “god all that traveling tired me out...you’ve been stuck here for 2 hours but I might have to trap you a little longer to take a catnap of my own. I think Luna’s onto something...” You nestle into his shoulder, grateful to feel his arms come around you. “Don’t worry about me.” He hums as Luna curls up in the sliver of space between your bodies, “I just want to finish reading over some things. Then I'll bring you both to bed.” “You’ll stay tonight?” You yawn again and he hums, you can tell he’s smiling even though you can’t see him. “Would you like me to?” You nod into his shoulder, “yeah, I would...” “Alright then I will. Now go to sleep, you need it.”

#kugo sakamata x reader #gang orca x reader #vlad king x reader #kan sekijiro x reader #bnha x reader #bnha requests

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sleepymccoy · 4 years

Text

Aziraphale’s demon aspect

As voted by 246 people!

The winner is

Owl

with nearly 26% of the primary vote

many people added in their free form answers that they were imagining a barn owl specifically

Owl was the front runner the whole way through this survey, but most of the time by a very beatable margin. The 40 or so people who voted in the last night really tipped it over, it was a tight race! And the results are crazy split imo, a quarter of votes constitutes a win! I love the different opinions and ideas we all have so so much

Ram/sheep came in a hearty second with 16.5% of the vote

A very regal demon there.

After that it gets a little murky, so I’m going to share the second graph I made when is every animal that got more than 1% of the vote. So it’s the top six animals

Magpie and Lion holding strong! Then Moth and Goat looking very good

The second question let you vote for as many options as you thought were appropriate for Aziraphale! So, there were a lot more write-ins! It’s crazy!

I’m using google sheets so I can’t get it to show you every name, but the raw data will be in a read more so you can scroll through everyone’s beautiful imagination there

Again, Owl winds with a solid 20% of the vote. Ram/Sheep coming in with about 15%, followed by Moth, Magpie, Goat, Lion, then Tortoise.

Tortoise was 11th in the first round, tied with Snake (but pale), and managed to surprise me by coming through so strong in the second. Slow and steady, baby.

Nearly everyone who wrote in about Magpies told me that Magpies hoard stuff, so it’s nice to see the hive mind at work there!

Five people told me they were voting goat because of that one piece of art by @hollow-head that shows Aziraphale scaling a bookshelf like goats do cliffs. As an artist myself I found it legitimately moving that this one image had stayed with people so strongly. That’s just beautiful. Here’s an example of just one person’s comment

idk dude i just remember one person posted art of him scaling the bookstore shelves like those goats scale mountains and just eating his clothes while he reads it was so fuckin funny but anyway goat eyes are great or he could have lil stubby horns that r covered by his hair

One moth enthusiast took the time to give me a short essay on their choice of moth. I have included a portion of it, cos it was so great

So if I had to choose an insect, it would be a moth, preferably a Megalopygidae, also known as the Flannel Moth. They are fluffy, white-beige and look innocent and fluffy, but their larvae can cause painful inflammations. A poodle moth would also fit because it's almost pure white.

Here’s a flannel moth for everyone

and a poodle moth, which i honestly thought was a hoax but i looked into it just now and it seems legit? There’s not a tonne of proof, but the og pictures are from a scientists who stands by them, so like, wow

And then a DIFFERENT PERSON put this in;

the moth i had in mind is Acherontia atropos, in polish called Zmierzchnica trupia główka (meaning more or less "dusk death's head"). i have a whole symbolism planned out and stuff

Fucking, moth fandom come through!!

I’m vaguely scared of moths, fun fact. I don’t like the thick thunking sound they make when they hit stuff.

Here is the second round but with all the animals that got four or less votes removed for ease of viewing

the one segment there at 12 o’clock that google hasn’t labeled for me is Swan at 0.9%

I cannot believe I didn’t put swan in as an option, that’s all write-ins

So, to summarise, I suggest you take a lot of this with a grain of salt. It is not meant as an instruction to fandom or to railroad creativity. I have a narrow corner of the Good Omens fandom that I interact with, and while this quiz was up for a week I’m not sure it reached a great variety of people. About 250 folks filled it out, which was tonnes more than I expected and I love each and every one of you for filling it out!! But I have noticed that Owl was first on my list and in the free form answers the example prompt I gave included, “such as a breed of owl that specifically speaks to you,“ so I think it’s possible I did that unknowing bias thing that practiced survey folk know now to do. So, grain of salt.

I also think that if animals like Swan and Cat were in the list of options they’d’ve gotten more votes because the people who voted for those were coming up with it fresh themselves. I suspect people would’ve voted for them, but it just didn’t occur to them in the moment. In much the same way it didn’t occur to me in the moment I was writing this survey.

So people know, I got the ten or so animals that I put in the survey from searching the demon!aziraphale tag on tumblr, so it was all stuff that other people had come up with. I was trying to avoid my own bias, but i think in hindsight i could’ve done better!

Having said all that, this was all so much fun and the results are clear!!! Love a good owl!aziraphale

Imma continue to draw my boy as a ram, though. Cos this was all just for a laugh <3

numbers and a few more things under the cut

So some of these have half a vote ascribed to them. That’s for people who in their freeform answer said things like this;

ngl, that one post about him being a swan still makes me laugh

Mourning Dove. Though that Scallop answer was fucking brilliant

And I kinda made a judgement call that that wasn’t a vote, but it was kind of a vote. So I gave them half a point.

There were a few situations where people would write in a specific species. If I got more than one vote for the root animal I just grouped them together, but if it stayed the only vote then it kept the species. Cat got the most specific species mentioned, and in the second vote Bat had a few species mentioned (albino bat being my fave), but I ended up grouping them all just under Cat and Bat to give them a better chance of getting on the graph. There were probably a few other examples but I can’t think of them. The one exception to this is the person who wrote-in Duolingo Owl specifically. For that one I figured Owl is already pretty solid, and that’s just fucking funny, man

I was also pretty generous about some stuff. So, this person didn’t vote for Moose but they clearly regretted it so I added a vote for Moose in the second one where you could vote for multiples. They kept their Ram and Goat votes, of course, but I added Moose for them

I get very bastard energy from my demon az headcanons. Like f-ing shit up for a laugh more than anything, but otherwise indifferent. That's kinda why I like the ram/sheep/goat thing so much because it reminds me of indifference and random chaos. Or a moose. Shit, I should have written in moose

So yeah, it’s hardly a double blind study that’d stand up to any real criticism, but it was fun and I think the essence of it is fun!! Scroll through and have a read. Imma pull a few more of my fave write-ins and put them down the bottom cos it’s great. Esp the ones that only got one vote, the reasonings were stellar on some of those

Here is the first vote results, where everyone could only vote for one animal each

Owl 63 Ram/Sheep 40 Magpie 28 Lion 26 Moth 21 Goat 17 Swan 4 Eagle 4 Dove 4 Cat 4 Tortoise 3 Snake 3 Scallop 2 Rat 2 Rabbit 2 Mongoose 2 Badger 2 Shima Enaga 1 Shark 1 Porcupine 1 Orangutan 1 Mouse 1 Long Furby 1 Hippopotomaus 1 Goose 1 Duck 1 Dragon 1 Cow 1 Cereberus 1 Boar 1 Bee 1 Bat 1 Alpaca 1

Second Vote results, where everyone could vote for as many as they wanted

Owl1 82 Ram/Sheep 136 Moth 108.5 Magpie 98 Goat 96 Lion 72 Tortoise 61 Snake 37 Eagle 33 Cat 9.5 Swan 7.5 Lizard 4 Rabbit 4 Badger 3 Mongoose 2 Dove 2 Mouse 2 Squirrel 2 Bear 2 Raccoon 2 Capybara 2 Dragon 2 Bat 1 Long Furby 1 Rat 1 Boar 1 Goose 1 Peacock 1 Pangolin 1 Lindworm 1 Moose 1 Chinchilla 1 Duolingo Owl 1 Cackatoo 1 Crow 1 Cow 1 Alpaca 1 Dodo 1 Shark 1 Big Dog 1 Snow Leopard 1 Scallop 0.5

All voting was optional. To help explain how scallop lost 1.5 votes from first to second, I believe the people who voted for it in the first question just skipped the second cos they’d said their bit.

In terms of how many people engaged with the questions, Q1 had 245 answers and one skip. Q2 had 241 answers and 5 skips, and Q3 where I just let people talk at me if they wanted to had 84 answers and 162 skips.

So please enjoy my selection of free form answers. They all made me smile but putting all 84 in seems excessive to me, so I’ve chosen the ones that are either full blown mini essays or that make me laugh. It’s still a lot, this project brought me so much joy

Shima enaga - It's the hair man

Cow (aka golden calf)

Scallop. He is a snack.

Swan. Elegant but very capable of fscking you up. Mates for life.

basically anything that is both gentle in nature and fiercely loyal, territorial and protective (but prone to anxiety). Also hedonistic esp. with food. For all of these reasons, I think a dog would be the best choice.

Dragon with his hoard of books

it’s about the teeth. just too sharp and too many to be human. (comment from op here, this person voted for shark, just for context)

Turkish Angora cat. Magnificently fluffy, incredibly intelligent, love heights and will jump off crazy high things and land on your head, gloriously dignified until they see a string and run into a wall, love one or maybe two persons to distraction and want everyone else to fuck off, will drape themselves over their person’s shoulders and go to sleep, range from “will jump in the sea to hunt fish and has a murder pit full of seagulls they’ve massacred” to “will fall over at the sight of a baby bird”, very particular about food and will yell at you if you get it wrong. Also the breed that some asshole took three cats from and bred parent to child to make Persians. The cautionary tale has been acknowledged and we love our crazy smart, single braincelled children.

I usually imagine him as an owl because they are nocturnal (and we know that Aziraphale can easily stay awake the whole night reading). Also the image of an owl puffed up is kind of ridiculous and reminds me of him, of how an annoyed Aziraphale would look. However the options above have made me think that a lion would suit him very well, too. A lion or just a very BIG cat. I mean, he makes pleading eyes to get what he wants, likes to be confortable, is a bit of a bastard and often puts himself in awkward situations from which he needs to be rescued. He just... acts very cat-like in my opinion. Also owls and cats are both predators, but are usually imagined (or, at least cats are) as cute little creatures, just like Aziraphale is an Angel of the Lord (a Warrior, actually) but looks all soft and cute and huggable. I dunno. Maybe I just want to pet an Aziracat.

I love all the other people's thoughts about demon!Aziraphale, but what about the honey badger? I try to explain why I have it in mind for demon!azi: its name (I think it's funny, expecially in English because 'honey' can make you imagine it's something sweet (it is for me), while the 'bad' in badger can be an alarm bell (like 'be careful! It is not like it seems!')); its face (ok, who can say its face isn't cute? I think, and hope, nobody can, and like the name, it is a misunderstanding: as always, be careful, it's not like it seems!, I think demons can say something about demon!azi as like "you don't seem like a 'good' demon, you can't be, your face (animal and human) is too f-ing disgusting sweet to be a demon!", I think maybe even angel!crowley, at the beginning, can think something like this ("how in the world somebody so cute like you can be a demon?"), then he discovered how demon!azi can be a very talented demon sometimes, but in Crowley's mind azi is still his little cutie angry furry); its furry's colour (black=demon, white/grey/silver/idkitsname= color of demon!azi's wings, because even if he fell, I can't say no to his white wings 😭); it is a snake's predator (and in my mind angel!crowley is still a snake); its solitary life (demon!aziraphale is alone and he doesn't mind it, unless it's angel!crowley we're talking about, then our cute demon minds it); its behaviour (demon!azi, even if he's cute, can be a really very talented demon: honey badger is fearless and dangerous, it can fight bigger animals if there aren't other chances and it can't escape); its skin is very tough (except for a soft/safe spot, behind its neck if I remember well, that only angel!Crowley knows and sometimes he uses it to calm demon!azi down or make azi do some good deeds); its diet (it has a sweet-thooth, for honey in primis, but it can eat everything it wants... Doesn't it resemble demon!azi?); it's smart (search for Stoffle on your browser if you don't know)... Ok,I think I finish, sorry for the novel 😅

I tend to think of animals that meet three criteria: (1) they exemplify “faults” in his character exaggerated to “sins”—gluttony, greed/hoarding, sloth, (2) they are species that favor fawning or flight as a defense mechanism but can also be bold on occasion, and (3) blend very well or have a keen affinity with human society, specifically thriving in urban (i.e., city) environments. This is mostly because I can’t see “Aziraphale” in a reverse AU that doesn’t preserve some of his core traits as an angel (a little hedonistic, hoarding, anxious, etc.). So I like city-dwelling bastard animals with bonus points for relation to scripture, like a rock dove or a fox or an owl.

Owls aren't smart, and the pedant in me says not an owl. But, thinking on it, demon aspect, owls are perceived as smart, but designed as deadly silent predators, patient and solitary. So actually demon Aziraphale could take on more owlish aspects. I just like cockatoo better, since they are smart, and showy. Or a crow, although that does amusing things with Crowleys name.

god imagining him as a chimera is !!! (comment from op, there was this odd flurry of mythical animals being voted for one night. i think the survey hit a corner of fandom that leans that way. there was also dragon, another chimera, a griffon, and a lindworm all at the same rough time)

Magpies are great because they’re cute and fluff themselves up (go look at Sophie the magpie) and like hoarding their favorite things but also I’ve watched one just straight up kill another bird before because corvids are sneaky little bastards with no lack of a mean streak if they’re crossed

It’s the duolingo owl, I’m so sorry op but it just is. I genuinely don’t mean to clown on your post, but this take was delivered to me in a sleep induced haze and I believe it’s the god given truth. Demon Aziraphale WOULD try to make you learn a dead language and he’d go about it in a vaguely threatening way (comment from op, you’re so fucking right dude. also, shit like this is made for clowning, i’m with you 100%)

When choosing a demon aspect for a Aziraphale, I usually tried to keep in mind the artistic tradition of which animals are linked with demons. The Good Omens team seems to have drawn inspiration from that source because all the animals we do see are either reptilian or insectoid. Those species were often shown inhabiting hellish landscapes in Renaissance and Baroque paintings. However, Aziraphale never struck me as cold or slimy or hard like an exoskeleton. So if I had to choose an insect, it would be a moth, preferably a Megalopygidae, also known as the Flannel Moth. They are fluffy, white-beige and look innocent and fluffy, but their larvae can cause painful inflammations. A poodle moth would also fit because it's almost pure white.

Ok so the only reason I pick magpie is because those bastards are smart as hell but also know how and when to inconvenience the shit out of you, and if you gain their trust then they're absolute darlings but if they decide "nah, dont like ya" then you're basically done and you'll wake up every morning with shit on your car window. I also chose sheep/ram cuz I mean... idk it suits him. I don't remember my other choice but I'm sure I had a good reason.

I feel like a barn owl would suit him well but I'm not really sure why, I also think that a moth would suit him really well because of the whole "moth to a flame" thing and as a demon he would have gotten burned because of that attitude.

I write a reverse AU fic called Lambs to the Slaughter where Aziraphale's demonic aspect is an albino sheep! I imagine him as a mix between a wild Argali ram and the first woolly domestics. I chose an Argali because they're the largest species of wild sheep, but I wanted him to have traits of a domestic breed because he obtains his animal aspect from a sheep in Abel's flock which would be several generations down from the original wild species in Eden. I really think a sheep suits Aziraphale! They're an incredibly common animal and have been since they were first domesticated. Likewise, since the start of human history, Aziraphale has been living side-by-side with humans, providing for them, and protecting them. Due to how common they are, sheep are often unnoticed, which Aziraphale leans into. Crowley wants to stand out. He has a dedicated aesthetic and an obsession with human invention, where Aziraphale leans more towards simpler, known things and creature comforts. He fades into the background, and that suits him fine. He doesn't have to be outstanding to Heaven or to humans or even to Crowley -- it's enough to do his part, to trust in a bigger plan. People associate sheep (especially lambs) with innocence or ignorance which foils nicely to Crowley as the serpent tempting with knowledge, as well as with Aziraphale's own sharp mind and ongoing embers of faith in a system that is failing him, Crowley, and all of humanity. Sheep are, like Aziraphale, soft, cute, and hiding a hard-headed stubbornness and a surprising strength that makes them absolutely fearsome. Aziraphale is very much the sort to put his head down and push relentlessly forward regardless of the pressure and strain. Rams in particular have thick skulls to withstand the brutal force of headbutting one another in displays of dominance. While Aziraphale is clever, he's not above rolling up his sleeves and getting the job done, as messy and unpleasant as it might be (see: pulling a gun on the Antichrist). Also sheep are associated with Pan, a god associated with food, music, theatre, and the criticism thereof, which hit many of Aziraphale's personal interests and hobbies! I like the idea that in a reverse AU, the demon formerly named Aziraphale might be the original basis for Pan!

I wrote in Orangutan for the first question because if I remember correctly they are some of the most violent apes. Although I'd accept bonobo for him too. They fuck alll the time.

mothman aziraphale,,,,, thats it

Snowy owl, speremint's tortoise, and I just adore the goat.

moth - dusty and eats books

Long Furby the way Loni-Capri draws it.

I keep thinking about that Black Philip quote "doest thou wish to live deliciously" because... it fits so much with the general epicurean/hedonism vibe the Fandom has for him ... but in a demonic way and also I think a lot abt that art piece (already referenced many times probably but what the hell) of him climbing his own bookshelves, it's just so good!!

Albino Lion/white lion (matches his hair). I feel like maybe I should explain why I think Lion would fit him best, lol. Lions actually are rather sedate, inactive for 20 hours of the day (see: Aziraphale reading and unmoving- yes I pulled wiki for this to make sure I didn't spout anything terribly wrong, shhh) but also there's nomad lions. Lions that range widely and move around sporadically either alone or in pairs (*looks at Crowley after apoconope*) (pairs are more frequent among males who have been excluded from their birth pride) but also I think of lions as protectors, defenders, and what is Aziraphale if not that? If not an angel who fiercely protects humans, crowley, earth? (When he finally overcomes heaven and it's abuse) lions don't hunt unless they're hungry, don't attack unless they're defending. They've been known to sit directly next to jeeps full of people and just watch them, not attacking or being aggresive.

I saw art once (I have no idea who the artist is) of Demon!Aziraphale climbing his bookcases like a goat and absentmindedly chewing on his sweater while he reads. I felt like the goat aspect suited him perfectly.

Honestly I wrote Az with a rat aspect because, well, it fits who I see demon Az as. He's not super powerful but he is very consequential, like rats carrying plague fleas (this also describes how I see Az tempting). He tries to blend into a crowd, which is arguably one way rats survive, and can get himself into places/situations that should be impossible or super difficult. Like snakes, rats have been unfairly maligned by our culture for a long time, even though they are very social with their colonies, smart, affectionate, and generally good beans. Finally, male pet rats are known far and wide as the lazier of the sexes while the girls are super curious and adventurous.

Somehow his tartan pattern becomes either his colour scheme or his coat/feather pattern.

Eurasian eagle owl. A big, unapologetic grump of an owl that is soft as soft can be underneath. Possessor of the glare to end all glares to be used in such dire situations as being interrupted when reading or being told one has "had enough cake".

#demon!aziraphale #reverse omens #sleepy speaks #fandom vote #aziraphale's demon aspect #this was so fucking fun you all

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namjoonfluff · 4 years

Text

A Sausage Surprise

pairing: Jungkook x Reader

genre: sounds like it could be smut but it’s very much fluff, Jungkook gets you a surprise before going on tour.

word count: 1,500

No sooner had you and Jungkook had moved in together, it was time for him to leave for a world tour. Despite knowing the dates of the tour for months, it really hurt to watch him pack his bags from across the bedroom. Over the last few days, you had secretly hoped the tour would get cancelled and you wouldn’t be alone in the massive apartment you shared. However, you knew how much touring meant to Jungkook. There wasn't anything in this world that would stop him from performing - not even you!

“I know you’re sad, baby,” He hummed as he turned around to see you pouting from just above the bed sheets. “But it won’t be long until you come see me anyway!”

What Jungkook said was true but you hated even the thought of being away from him for two weeks. Their world tour started in Seoul before the boys flew to the States for over a month. You were planning to join them for a week in the USA to explore the new cities and watch your boyfriend do what he loved.

“It’s just not the same!” You moaned, folding your arms across your chest. Jungkook giggled at the way you sulked like a child who didn’t get what they wanted.

“Well, you’ll be pleased to know, I have a surprise for you before I go,” He teased. “Oh really!” You raised a brow and smirked. It wasn’t unlike Jungkook to treat you before he left for tour. Powered by the guilt of not seeing you for months on end, he would always take you out for fancy dinners or buy you some new jewellery before he left. You wondered what exactly he could have got you this time. “It’s a sausage surprise!” He giggled, folding some pants into his suitcase absentmindedly.

“I have to admit,” A look of disappointment spread over your face as quick as he could say the word ‘sausage’. “Your penis really isn’t a surprise to me anymore!”

“First of all, that’s rude,” He said mockingly, throwing the t-shirt he had grabbed from the wardrobe at you. It hits you straight in the head and messes up your already sleep-crazed hair. “Second of all, it’s not that kind of sausage!”

“What is it then?” You laughed, chucking back the shirt he had assaulted you with and giving him a glare. “I don’t even like sausages - the food kind!”

“You’ll find out!” Jungkook replied. There was a glint in his eye that just told you mischief was in the air and you couldn’t wait to find out what it was.

A few hours later, Jungkook is still pottering around the apartment, picking up all of his essentials for the tour. You had followed him into your open-plan living room to watch TV but you could still hear him reeling about your penis comment earlier.

“I can’t believe my dick doesn’t surprise you anymore,” He said quietly, wandering around the kitchen to pick up a pair of chopsticks he carried wherever he went. You giggled at his words.

“Is this what it means to be in a relationship for a year?” Jungkook mutters to himself as he moves from the kitchen to the living space. Still concentrating on the TV in front of you, you simply just shake your head and roll your eyes. He knows exactly what he’s doing!

Rather than entertain his silly game to get you to fuck him (although it’s definitely something you would partake in later), you turn your mind to his surprise. What could it be? As you had already explained, you didn’t have a particular fondness for actual sausages. Then again, what kind of surprise is that? A plate of sausages? It’s not the type of surprise that you run to your friends and boast about! You just had to wait it out and hope that the surprise didn’t disappoint. Otherwise, you’re not sure you would be able to hide your annoyance with the man you loved.

Your thoughts of speculation are soon interrupted by the sound of the apartment buzzer. However, before you have a chance to get up, Jungkook is running for the door - almost slipping on the tiled floor as he leaves the room. “I got it!” He yells. You quickly settle back down onto the comfortable sofa, finishing the show you had started about half an hour ago. You imagine it’s one of the guys or someone from management dropping off an essential Jungkook had forgot. Something like toothpaste or shower gel. He was always forgetting those.

However, Jungkook is gone for nearly ten minutes and that’s when you start to get worried. Had he been kidnapped in his rush to answer the door? You started to get up from the sofa, thinking you will have to fight some attacker. Although it’s not long until you got your answer on Jungkook’s whereabout. You hear the door open and relief floods your body. He must be home. But it wasn’t the familiar sound you expected to hear! Jungkook normally entered the apartment by singing out your name and rustling to take off his jacket and shoes as quickly as possible. Instead, you heard the pitter patter of tiny feet on the flooring like raindrops. Immediately confused, you got up to see what it was.

Entering the hallway of your apartment, you saw a tiny puppy waiting for you. It looked up at you and let out a pathetic bark - the kind that couldn’t be heard even if you were standing at the end of the hallway. It was funny to see how the little dog compared in size to the rest of your things in the hallway. The dog was swallowed by even your pair of shoes - and you had really small feet! It wasn’t long before Jungkook re-emerged from outside with a smile.

“Somebody lost their puppy!” You gesture down at the dog, which had started sniffing around the furniture in your hallway. “He just walked in!” “Oh baby,” Jungkook looked at you with so much love and adoration. He couldn’t believe how innocent you were being at this moment. “I don’t think anybody lost their dog” “Well, it’s not ours!” You quickly retorted. He sighed and said: “What breed is it?”

You looked back down at the puppy and examined its tiny body. It was no bigger than your fist with dumpy, little legs and a long body, which definitely looked out of proportion. “A sausage dog!” Jungkook smirked as the realisation dawned on your face. “You bought me a puppy?” “I thought you might need something to keep you company!” He said, looking down at the dog which was now chewing the hem of his jeans. “I both love and hate you right now!” You laughed, crouching down to tempt the puppy over to you. As you moved to the floor, you caught a glimpse of Jungkook’s face. He looked so offended at the mention of ‘hating him’.

“You go away on a world tour and leave me to train this little one,” You said. The puppy ran towards you, bounding straight into your lap. It immediately began to play with you and you knew that this was going to be a fun few months.

“Oh yeah,” He said dejectedly. “I didn’t think about that!” You looked up at him. All of a sudden the happiness on his face had faded away, replaced with a semi-sadness and regret. It was at that moment that you felt really bad. He always knew you wanted a puppy. You also got incredibly lonely while Jungkook was away - not to mention, scared when you were alone in the apartment. You couldn’t actually think of a better surprise right now! “JK, I was joking,” You smiled. “This is going to be amazing. I’ve always wanted a dog - thank you!” His face immediately lit up again. “Plus, he can come with you to America so you won’t have to look after him all on your own! We can train him together.�� “What’s his name?” You asked, letting the puppy chew away at your fingers. Jungkook giggled. “How about Sosiji?”

“I am not calling our dog, Sausage!”

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook fic #jungkook fluff #bts fic #bts army #bts fluff #jungkook fiction #jungkook au #jungkook x reader #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #btsfanfic #jungkookfic #jungkookfluff

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aspidities · 3 years

Note

What's your favorite species of snake? And do you have a favorite morph?

This one!

Although I named myself after the Aspidities genus because they’re funny little weirdos, I have been in love with Morelia viridis, the Green Tree Python, since I was probably seven or eight years old. They’re a ‘lifetime’ species for me. And it’s pure aesthetics—they’re just incredibly gorgeous. Even when they’re simply pure green, or lack the blue/yellow/white pigmentation, GTPs always look good. They’re a diurnal basking species, too, so they’ll sit right out in the open in the cage on a perch, looking all fabulous and green and mysterious, whereas most of my snakes spend most of their days curled up sleeping in a hiding spot, so when people come to look at the snakes, the GTPs are always the thing to see. I think they’re so pretty.

They’re also one of those ‘advanced’ species that’s a bit harder to care for and can be tricky to raise and breed, so there’s that nice feather in my cap for having not one but two of them thriving at the rates that they are. And mine are absurdly tame and handleable, despite the species having a well-deserved reputation for defensive behavior—but that could honestly come down to my own experience, as I’d say they still require more ‘reading’ and watching for strike behavior than other snakes. They strike fast so you need to learn them quick or you’ll take a few bites. But my two are absolute babies, which means I have these very sweet, very calm, very gorgeous medium-sized bright green snakes to show off and stare at, and I honestly just love them for it.

As for the second q, I’m not really a huge ‘morph’ person, tbh, because I’m one of those ‘reptile snobs’ who just likes animals the way they look in the wild. The ‘wild type’ is usually my favorite, because I’m a total snake nerd and if it looks like it did in the book I owed as a kid, I’m hooked. There’s so many different colors and varieties in the natural snake world too, so I don’t really see a point in a lot of morphs, and there is a significant controversy over breeding for certain colors or patterns in the reptile community, and it’s growing in concern. There are common ‘beginner’ species that are easy for novices and general businesspeople to breed with little to no training—animals like corn snakes, ball pythons, boas, etc—and they can easily be churned out in massive numbers, which they sadly are. The ‘morphs’ are just a new way to put a higher price tag on the same snake, and sometimes it results in truly harmful long term effects like neurological issues (‘stargazing’ and ‘wobbling’ found in both boas and ball pythons of certain morphs) and heart/liver/general organ health issues. Some lines have fatal rectal prolapse disorders. Some lines are prone to blindness and poor vitamin A retention. I have a ‘sunglow’ boa, which is a mix of a hypomelanistic trait and an albinistic trait, and is an animal worth easily $200-300 on the regular market as a cute baby, but she was given to me for free because she had a massive respiratory infection due to poor handling and husbandry, so just because it has a nice price tag when you buy it or the breeder sells it, doesn’t mean it always ends up in good hands, either. My boa is fine now, but she’ll always be slightly smaller and stunted, too, as a result of this morph, and some find that attractive and desirable. Not me, man, I want a big wild Brazilian boa, around 9’ and thick as a golf cart tire! But that’s overbreeding for you.

It’s just as complicated and nuanced an issue as dog breeding, honestly, and just because snakes aren’t cuddly like dogs doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be something folks are aware of when they look at a cool snake. Sometimes that pretty color can have a much higher cost than just the seller’s cash, and you’d never know, as a novice hobbyist. Now, all that preaching being said, do I understand the curb appeal of a morph? Absolutely! They’re cute! And some of them, like albinos and hypos and general single gene morphs, aren’t really all that harmful. It’s just a choice of how much research you want to do before you buy, for one, and, more importantly, if that research is even available when you purchase the animal. Reptile hobby breeding only really exploded in the last 40yrs of keeping, and it’s a new ‘science’. We still don’t know yet what the effects of breeding for color or pattern will be, but I can guess—lots of other animals paved the way for that. If reptiles go the way of purebred dogs, we may be seeing some really severe and common ailments start cropping up and it would be too late to fix it.

So yeah, all of that soapbox to say I just like the snakes to look like the type of snake they is!

#ask me #reptile asks #snake asks #reptiles #snakes #reptile posts

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tintinwrites · 4 years

Text

Telling Pedro Characters ‘I Love You’ During Sex but it’s Accurate (I’m kidding) and I’m an Asshole to the Characters

Again, I love Pedro and all the fics you guys write, this is for fun!

Agent Whiskey

you enjoy your eight month anniversary at Denny’s, romantically eating from the same Grand Slam meal

yes he takes you there in his car like your first date but

“I ain’t done with you yet, sugar dumplin’.”

y’all go back to your place for another two minutes of sexy fun

halfway through is when he actually does a pretty good thrust and you say it: “I love you, Whiskey.”

he stops thrusting for a second and you’re like OH NO HE DOESN’T LOVE ME EVEN THO WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR MONTHS AND HE’S OBSESSED WITH ME

“Oh, baby doll, I love you like a hog loves the sound of a red-headed woodpecker as it square dances in a patch of mud.”

6/10 for being in love with even if the sex is mediocre

Dave York

please don’t say it

pLeAsE dO NoT tElL dAvE yOrK tHaT yOu LoVe HiM!!!!!!!

WHY WOULD YOU LOVE THIS MAN HONESTLY

WAS IT THE SWEAT DRIPPING FROM HIS DRESS SHIRT AS HE FUCKED INTO YOU FOR 30 SECONDS

NOT EVEN SURE HOW YOU FOUND THE TIME TO TELL HIM DURING SEX BUT “I love you!”

why

anyway he kills you

-408/10 for being in love with and I don’t have to explain why

Din Djarin

he’s been alone for a long time

there is something so easy about falling in love with this intimidating, yet gentle and patient man if you’re with him

and, hell, maybe it’s only sex because you’re both lonely and you don’t know if he’d ever want more but

“Mando...Mando, I love you.”

the man doesn’t take his helmet off to fuck you and you’re still in love with him like a pining little fool

he doesn’t say anything, but he is more protective of you and more considerate with you and maybe he...

4/10 for being in love with bc the boy is a little awkward but I think he might love you too

Ezra

I am not sure how you get a word in edgewise with this man and the sonnets he recites when he’s fucking you

“Oh would that I could cut these ties that bind me. Out, damned spot! Out, I say!”

who says that when they come i would like to know please

he makes you cum pretty good tho so yes you’re gonna tell this man who is your fuck buddy? fuck acquaintance? that you love him as he rocks into you

he doesn’t even pause

“If I could love thee any more impenetrably, I think mine heart would climb out of one of my many orifices to allow your full claim upon it.”

does that mean he loves you i dont really know

4/10 for being in love with bc he’s just so confusing let’s not pretend any of us are smart enough to put up with him

Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales

you’ve been dating him for a few months when you realize the squeezing in you that you notice whenever you see him means something else

the puppy dog eyes that follow his every move is pointed out by Pope any time he’s hanging out with the two of you

it’s not until he’s asked you to stay the night and he’s slowly rutting into you that the words tell themselves

“I love you, Frankie.”

he pauses and he lets out this charmed little laugh

“Love you too, baby.”

honestly the best sex you’ve ever enjoyed with him

10/10 for being in love with bc he loves you very much too :)

Javier Peña

oh sweetie you knew he was going to break your heart when sex became a casual thing between the two of you rather than a one night stand

Javi is grumpy and he is sad but there are times when he is too sweet and funny not to fall in love with

not to mention that he knows your body like his own and he’s the best sex partner you’ve ever been with

you don’t mean to say it you want want to say it don’t say it dont say it “I love you, Javi.”

he stops, then he keeps fucking you like you didn’t say anything to him

he immediately rolls off you and smokes a cigarette without really acknowledging you

“This was a lot of fun.” he says like you’re some random person he barely knows and you tell him to call you about lunch and he grunts and you cry

1/10 for being in love with bc maybe with some time he could be convinced but I’m not sure

Marcus Pike

it is not you who says I love you during sex

it’s Marcus

totally

he smiles at you as you ride him and just says, “I love you.”

and you love him too because how could you not love this man

lots of kissing and giggling and ooh that orgasm tho

IDK HOW TO SAY THIS MAN IS LITERALLY PERFECT!!!!!!!!!

400/10 for being in love with bc he will offer you a life and a home and a family if you want DON’T LOOK AT ME

Maxwell Lord

how

why

was it his self-obsession about his looks that made you love him?

maybe the way he liked to slam you over furniture to pound into you?

you probably say it bc he pays attention to you and you don’t know what love actually is

he laughs so hard his thrusts into you from behind are jerked and rough

he thanks you for the laugh and keeps fucking you, letting out a little laugh every time he thinks about it

-4,443/10 for being in love with bc are you kidding me have you seen the man

Max Phillips

he’s really charismatic if not incredibly perverse which is why you fall for him

it’s also possible that he um compelled you

or maybe it’s bc he turned you haha who knows

“I love you, sir!”

he totally gets off on the idea of you being in love with him that he cums right there

and then he drinks from you so oh maybe he didn’t turn you!

he does not love you back tho lmao he just likes the power of someone loving him

0/10 for being in love with bc he’s arguably not bottom of the barrel here

Oberyn Martell

everybody loves Oberyn

you’re on top of him with him doing some fancy orgasmic move to your titties

“I love you” you say bc this man can make you orgasm by licking your fucking knee so

there is a chorus of “I LOVE YOU” from all the other people in the room

it’s not really special when he says it back bc you’re not sure if he LOVE loves you or if he’s saying a general “I love my harem of people”

but then he sucks on some part of you and it’s like whatever

you’re fine with whatever bc he he can also make you orgasm from licking your chin

4/10 for being in love with bc the sex is good and he doesn’t treat you cruelly

Pero Tovar

he’s typical of his time so im not gonna fault you for being in love with him

but he also fucks you so hard i am IMPRESSED that you sound intelligible

“I. Love. You.”

robots weren’t a thing so you don’t sound like a robot but if it was modern days yes you would sound like a robot

you’re probably married so he grunts it back

so sweet

probably turns into a breeding kink kind of thing tbh look at him

7/10 for being in love with okay he will make sure you are fed with a roof over your head along with your 12 children

#pedro character headcanons

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heavenlyborne · 3 years

Note

You say your family has dogs. How many do you have?

Shalria grinned, her expression the pinnacle of smugness as she considered one of her favourite topics. “Why yes, we do keep dogs in our family. We’ve seven in total, all of which are different breeds you’d expect only people of class to own as well as a few rare kinds only a World Noble could afford to purchase.”

The Rosward Family were notable for their fondness of dogs, even going as far as keeping a Dog Mink as their most esteemed servant but usually they were content with the company of their hounds and always had at least one by their side whenever they were travelling outside of the Holy Land. “There’s Saru who is truthfully my father’s dog. He was born a day before my own so wasn’t suitable as a birthday present, but we liked him anyway and he’s like a baby brother to Charlos and I. Sometimes he doesn’t behave himself at all, but it’s funny when he does things like urinates on foolish slaves like that one who ran away on Sabaody Archipelago. He knows exactly how to treat those beneath us!” The young woman laughed at the memory, shaking her head as she listed off her other pets. “In case you couldn’t tell, Saru is a Long-Legged Pug. That breed originated on Long Ring Long Land so you’d be pretty hard-pressed to find one of your own since it’s difficult enough just getting there. We also have Fluté, a Cloud Poodle who is as light as air. Legend says they came from Sky Islands, but there are so few left of them now it’s hard to tell if that’s true or not. Custos is a Warden Mastiff who was bred in Impel Down. He’s trained to hunt down any slaves who run away and drag their sorry hides back home. Gahiji is a Sandora Hound from Alabasta. They’re an ancient breed once used to run down smaller animals, but they also carried messages between towns given their incredible stamina. She’s always the one who asks for walks first...”

“Titan is my brother’s dog and is his one and only. He’s a Holy Sainthound and is every bit as lazy as my older brother, but he’s big and strong enough to carry Charlos around our homeland even if he grumbles about it. There’s Saladin too, but he’s different from the rest given that he’s actually a Dog Mink.” Shalria continued before trailing off. Unlike the others, Saladin could not only talk but he was well-educated on top of being a refined swordsman, easily one of the strongest and most intelligent servants to be found within the Holy Land. "He’s my father’s oldest servant who has been with us since before my brother and I were born. Last but not least is... ah, but I won’t talk about that one just yet since he’s still only a pup. Let’s just say Dr. Vegapunk designed him specifically for me.”

#Anonymous #;; asks #Thanks for this anon!#Sorry it took a little while to do as I was going through One Piece looking at all the weird creatures #These are definitely not canon but they sounded cool #I might draw them at some point who knows #Saladin is counted as a 'dog' despite being a Dog Mink #Been thinking about Shalria's last dog and I'm def tempted to go the Rufus Shinra path #Where it's a 'dog' but a one-of-a-kind breed #Probably a chimera of different creatures to be as strong and intelligent as possible since it's intended to be her protector #✨;; long post

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johannestevans · 4 years

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Livetweeting Hook & Smee in Barrie’s Peter Pan: Part One

Going from the Gutenberg edition for copy and paste ease.

I’m gonna be separating this into parts because I get long-winded when talking about how I love these piratical homos, but I just want to state for the record in case you’ve never read Peter Pan before and think that you might want to based off of these two, like...

Fair warning, Peter Pan was published at the beginning of the 20th century, and it is racist as fuck, particularly with anti-Black sentiment and some nasty stuff about Native Americans. The latter is not as bad as it is in the Disney adaptation, where they actually added in a lot of extra racism, but it’s still present.

With that said, I was raised on Peter Pan, and the queer vibes and gender vibes from the fairies were really positive for me, and I do still love it - what I don’t want is anyone to think “oh, this book Peter Pan looks fun” and then getting a gut punch when it has That Shit. The book is honestly not all that great, and Peter Pan himself is a violent serial killer and abuser disguised as an eight-year-old, so if you want to give Peter Pan a pass, you absolutely should.

So, first, their introductions!

...and the Irish bo'sun Smee, an oddly genial man who stabbed, so to speak, without offence, and was the only Non-conformist in Hook's crew...

I love Smee... so much. I love that he stabs without offence - Hook is very regularly described as evil and intimidating and scary, whereas Smee is constantly established as this kindly-looking uncle figure who is going to disembowel you with charm, and yes, that’s absolutely a contrast I have firmly internalised and that shows up regularly in my own work.

In the midst of them, the blackest and largest in that dark setting, reclined James Hook, or as he wrote himself, Jas. Hook, of whom it is said he was the only man that the Sea-Cook feared. He lay at his ease in a rough chariot drawn and propelled by his men, and instead of a right hand he had the iron hook with which ever and anon he encouraged them to increase their pace. As dogs this terrible man treated and addressed them, and as dogs they obeyed him.

This isn’t actually the initial introduction of Hook in the book - he’s initially talked about in conversation between Peter and the Darlings, where Michael just bursts into tears at the mere mention of the man.

Hook is terrifying, not just to children, but to his crew, who he kills so casually - there’s a lot to be said about why Hook is so frightening, because it isn’t just how easily violent he is, but his comfort in commanding others. Hook is a posh cunt who went to Eton, so he obviously lacks a soul in the way that people like that do, but conducts himself as though he’s the centre of the universe, and uses that to intimidate.

In person he was cadaverous [dead looking] and blackavized [dark faced], and his hair was dressed in long curls, which at a little distance looked like black candles, and gave a singularly threatening expression to his handsome countenance. His eyes were of the blue of the forget-me-not, and of a profound melancholy, save when he was plunging his hook into you, at which time two red spots appeared in them and lit them up horribly.

Someone get a Ouija board and tell Barrie that there are ways to describe scary people that don’t involve pointing out how “dark” they are, Christ

ANYWAY, I do think it’s interesting that Barrie presents the guy as looking like a corpse, while also being like “he was a bit of a ride though, like, he was handsome”. I’m also just... so obsessed with Hook’s eyes, because Hook is consistently described throughout the book - as well as in the good adaptations, like Hook (1991) - as being a man utterly consumed by depression, anxiety, and doubt. Like, he’s this deeply sad, unhappy man, and I’m obsessed with the idea that you can see that when you look in his eyes - the only time it seems like he feels anything other than crushing emptiness is when he’s killing somebody.

Sexy!

In manner, something of the grand seigneur still clung to him, so that he even ripped you up with an air, and I have been told that he was a RACONTEUR [storyteller] of repute. He was never more sinister than when he was most polite, which is probably the truest test of breeding; and the elegance of his diction, even when he was swearing, no less than the distinction of his demeanour, showed him one of a different cast from his crew.

“He was posh which, as you understand, reader, means that he was a monster and a sadist, and he was at his scariest when he was at his poshest.”

A man of indomitable courage, it was said that the only thing he shied at was the sight of his own blood, which was thick and of an unusual colour. In dress he somewhat aped the attire associated with the name of Charles II, having heard it said in some earlier period of his career that he bore a strange resemblance to the ill-fated Stuarts; and in his mouth he had a holder of his own contrivance which enabled him to smoke two cigars at once. But undoubtedly the grimmest part of him was his iron claw.

I’m obsessed with the double cigar thing. Like, you know how Cruella de Vil’s whole thing is that she has her cigarette on one of those long cigarette holders? I wish that Hook’s insane two-pronged cigar smoker was as iconic a part of his character design as that is of hers, because it’s genuinely so funny and so unnecessary and also just...

Imagine how depressed you must be as a man to need that much fucking nicotine and tar in your lungs on one inhalation.

Hook fainting over his own blood, iconic, love it; Hook dressing himself in his red brocade and his long coats and with his calves on show because some guy one time told him he looked like a Stuart? Incredible. Adore it. Hook is literally a theatre kid with no self esteem to speak of.

Let us now kill a pirate, to show Hook's method. Skylights will do. As they pass, Skylights lurches clumsily against him, ruffling his lace collar; the hook shoots forth, there is a tearing sound and one screech, then the body is kicked aside, and the pirates pass on. He has not even taken the cigars from his mouth.

Such is the terrible man against whom Peter Pan is pitted. Which will win?

So this post is meant to be about Hook and Smee, not about Peter Pan, but I do want it said that while this is obviously a very horrible thing to do, especially because Hook killed Skylights for no reason than he messed his clothes up, Peter Pan traffics small children to Neverland and slaughters them in the woods, offscreen, when they’re too big to fit in his clubhouse anymore.

Tragically, huge spoiler, Peter Pan does win.

Anyway, ensues a description of stuff that doesn’t matter, and then the pirates find the hideout of the Lost Boys (Peter’s club of soon-to-be-lifeless-children), and the Lost Boys scatter, and the pirates want to find them so they can kill them, especially Peter.

“Shall I after him, Captain,” asked pathetic Smee, “and tickle him with Johnny Corkscrew?” Smee had pleasant names for everything, and his cutlass was Johnny Corkscrew, because he wiggled it in the wound. One could mention many lovable traits in Smee. For instance, after killing, it was his spectacles he wiped instead of his weapon.

“Johnny's a silent fellow,” he reminded Hook.

“Not now, Smee,” Hook said darkly. “He is only one, and I want to mischief all the seven. Scatter and look for them.”

Smee is so often described as pathetic, which he absolutely is, but - and Hook does later muse on this - although he is so pathetic and so not intimidating, he is completely content in himself and his life, whereas Hook is terrifying and very impressive, and wants to die all of the time with the depression, so who’s really winning here, James?

AND HE CALLS HIS SWORD JOHNNY CORKSCREW! HE IS SUCH AN ADORABLE UNCLE-ESQUE MURDERER!

“One could mention many lovable traits in Smee,” is so good, it delights me very time, because YES, one COULD, but you really should wipe your weapon, Smee, the blood will make the metal tarnish!

#as defined by dictionary #jas hook #smee #peter pan

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ruensroad · 4 years

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challenge

Second installment for the Unicorns are Assholes AU for @bloody-bee-tea who wanted some pining Nie Mingjue. I was only too happy to oblige!

---

It was not for his kind to love passively. In all honesty, it was not for his kind to do anything passively, for they felt too much, too fiercely, too completely. Surely it was against his very nature to stand by and watch this. Surely he’d go mad the longer he sat here.

But watch he did, because there was little else he could do. He knew his own heart, knew the power of feeling Lan Xichen stirred in him, knew his own desires and wants.

He knew Lan Xichen’s heart, too, and that was the problem. He’d been by the Immortal’s side during the fiasco of his first love, had held him in the long nights of grief after Meng Yao’s Fall. Had been the first to hear Lan Xichen’s new resolution to close his heart, if only for a while, and no longer chase Love’s red strings. Had heard and listened and remained by his side, wanting and waiting, while Lan Xichen closed himself off to the world above and below, his heart under guard and no longer free to win over.

For Nie Mingjue, it was a special kind of agony to bear witness now, to see Lan Xichen’s heart bloom open once more. Not for Nie Mingjue himself, but for a man with a scowling face and glittering dark eyes, who talked curtly and swore often and looked at Lan Xichen like he was every star in the universe. A man who was about as different a man to Meng Yao as any man could be, which he was grateful for, even if his resemblance to Nie Mingjue made it torture.

But his kind were made to stand tall, to protect and guard their temple, even at the cost of their life. And he’d long considered Lan Xichen the most precious of temples to guard, so he would, especially at the cost of himself.

He’d been in love so long he hardly remembered a time he did not. There was a time when he’d lost track of the moment it’d happened, or at least had become aware of it, a time that no longer mattered. Even his life was skewed in two: his life before Lan Xichen had been in it, and life after. Even that had become little more than a haze.

Lan Xichen had become the center of his world, the pivot of his orbit, and the man was wholly unaware. It’d be funny if his heart wasn’t breaking, he was certain, having to watch Lan Xichen go red and flustered and not for him.

Jiang Wanyin was not someone he would have thought Lan Xichen would fall for, nor someone he’d think would want to be won over. He was coarse and rough and prideful, the staple of his creature’s breed, and though he was the kind of stunningly, if very sharply beautiful that made even Nie Mingjue’s heart skip in startled confusion, he was far from courtly, or soft, or anything else Lan Xichen deserved.

But perhaps that was an early judgement, or the uncharitable musings of a bitter wretch. Even if Jiang Wanyin was not a soft man, he was a loyal one, and though his caution of Immortals was hard to shake off - another staple of unicorns, flighty, stubborn beasts that they were - he was trying, and it was all for Lan Xichen. And that was all that mattered, really, wasn’t it.

So Nie Mingjue tried to make nice, did his best not to scowl too fiercely at every scowl he got in turn. Tried not to think too much about the coldness in his chest or the way those flashing eyes made his heart pang in puzzlement. If Jiang Wanyin could ignore his very nature to love Lan Xichen, after all, then Nie Mingjue could do just as much, if not more.

He just wished it was less painful.

“You love him,” Jiang Wanyin told him, apropos of nothing, as they watched Lan Xichen tend his beloved garden patch. His voice was level, too controlled and purposeful to be a proper question, so Nie Mingjue did not take it as one.

“Always,” he said, and there was a shake of relief in the word. “Forever.”

Jiang Wanyin’s eyes were dark, so dark, as they regarded him. Sharp featured, face like stone, he was hard to read when he wanted to be and Nie Mingjue hated he found the man beautiful even like this, even as he stole away Nie Mingjue’s love before his eyes. Even his star mark, usually glittering and vibrant in the center of his forehead, had gone a dull, solid violet as though it were afraid to give something away.

“You should tell him,” Jiang Wanyin said, incredibly, and looked damn stubborn about it too.

“He is in love with you,” Nie Mingjue shook his head. “I will not interfere.”

“He is,” Jiang Wanyin’s chin lifted, proud of that, and Nie Mingjue had to bite down a bemused snort. “But he loves you as well. His heart is just confused, but true. My eyes can see this.”

He hated the hope that filled in him, hated that he’d forgotten unicorns had the ability to look into hearts. Hated, even more, that they did not lie. Especially not when the truth hurt far worse.

“He loves you,” Nie Mingjue said again, the only thing he was certain of. “He wants to be with you.”

“He has me,” Jiang Wanyin promised, an odd relief, and his lip tilted a little, showing a hint of fang, far sharper and thinner than Nie Mingjue’s own. “He has you as well. He just needs to remember that.”

“And you’d be fine with that, with him loving us both?” Nie Mingjue had to ask it, trying to figure out the man’s angle but failing. It was frustrating, his inability to reach past this stone facade Jiang Wanyin used like a weapon, so lovely and cold and disarming.

“He already does. That doesn’t change my feelings.” Jiang Wanyin lifted a brow in total challenge and nodded once, as though shooing him off to Lan Xichen. “It doesn’t change yours either, does it? So tell him.”

Damn, fucking unicorns. Assholes, all of them. Still, Nie Mingjue growled and pushed off, unable to back down from such provocation. His own kind never did. He was a Lion Dog Guardian, a man in love, and powerful with defiance at the turn of Jiang Wanyin’s lips into a knowing, cutting smile.

Perhaps it was time to start acting like it.

#ruenwrites #nielan #xicheng #mingxicheng #that is endgame #also past xiyao #but so sparse i wont tag #unicorns are assholes au #they really are too #i love them #jiang cheng #nie mingjue #lan xichen

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angelofbenignmalevolence · 4 years

Text

Sealed with a Kiss

TITLE: Sealed with a Kiss CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Oneshot AUTHOR: malignedangel/angelofbenignmalevolence PROMPT: Gordon/Lady Penelope – Pirate/Mermaid AU prompt submitted by @darkestwolfx for International Rescue & Relief which is being overseen by @gumnut-logic. Also @agentfreelancer1 might enjoy this as well :D

RATING: T

WORD COUNT: 3,573 words Story Notes: This is my first foray into writing fanfiction in awhile so I may be a little rusty. I have used this prompt as a springboard, but I have taken the term “merperson” and applied it quite loosely. And since there was little consensus on the exact terms of the selkie mythology in my research, I have been a little creative with the application of that as well. This is my first foray into writing TAG fanfiction and I’m not entirely sure I didn’t bite off more than I could chew starting with Gordon and Penelope lol. Hopefully this still makes you smile! It turned out a little longer than I expected, so I do apologize for that as well!

~@~

“Hey Gordon, you coming?”

Gordon stood atop a juncture of three rocks near the ocean shore, his hand on his sandy hair as he pursed his lips in thought. He could have sworn he left it here. He looked over to where the eldest of his brothers stood at the shoreline holding his sleek black coat in his hand. Gordon smiled at him. There was no need to worry him just yet.

“Nah,” Gordon said flippantly. “I’m just going to hang around on the shore for a while. I’ve got a few hours left before I need to be home yet.” Scott’s brow furrowed in the way that it always did when he worried. “Just go. I can handle walking around on the shore by myself. I’m a big boy.” Scott looked at the sun hanging low in the sky. Scott sighed but relented.

“Alright Gordon,” he said. “But you need to be off shore by 10, no excuses, alright?” he said. Gordon waved him off.

“Yeah, yeah, no worries!” Gordon said. “Now stop being a worrywart and go enjoy yourself. You’ve got six hours left in your day of freedom. Don’t spend them worrying about me.” He made a shooing motion which smoothed the frown away from his brother’s features.

“10 o’clock, Gordon,” he said. He fluffed out the coat in his arms and pulled it over himself, stepping into the surf. Gordon watched as the coat enfolded his brother’s form, morphing it into his sleek seal shape. Scott moved a bit more into the surf before looking back at his brother one more time. Gordon laughed and made a shooing motion. Scott dove into the waves and Gordon waited until he was sure his brother had swum off before he let out a deep sigh. Six hours until midnight meant that he had four to find his coat before Scott would go into smother-brother mode.

He began to circle the rocks that he had been standing on, looking for where he had stashed his own seal coat, scratching his head as his search yielded nothing. He frowned. He had buried his coat near the rocks for the express point and purpose of not losing the thing and the strategy had worked literally every other time he had come on shore. He scanned the shoreline. Maybe he had buried it under a different set of rocks? But no…there was the rickety staircase that had been abandoned for years. It had to be here.

He began to widen his circle, his toes digging into the sand in the hopes that he would feel the sleek fur against his toes. The wider his circle got, the more worried he became. What if he couldn’t find it? Worse, what if someone had taken it? By selkie law he’d be bound to that person until he could gain his coat back. His brothers had warned him about it and scolded him when he had been too careless with his seal coat. Scott had always had to be so incredibly careful and for once, just once as his worry mounted, he wished he had been as careful as his brother.

He moved around another large rock outcropping and stopped dead in his tracks. Sitting on the beach was a woman, a human woman. He couldn’t help but notice that she was stunning in the light of the setting sun. The other thing he couldn’t help but notice was that she sat with her arms cradling a seal coat.

His seal coat.

Gordon ducked back behind the rocks for a moment to consider his next strategy. He supposed that it would be too much to ask the universe for the young woman to not know the significance of the coat she held in her arms. He let out a breath. Well, he had really put his foot in it this time. He was not ready to give up the sea or the freedom that it offered him, unlike Virgil who had given up his seal coat to a human woman that he had fallen in love with or John who had given his coat to an old sea dog that had promised to teach him the stars and return the coat when John wanted to return to the sea. The sea was everything to him. Perhaps if he appealed to her emotions…

“You know, I saw you earlier. Hiding behind that rock doesn’t make you any less obvious.” The voice was full of good breeding and sophistication. He came around the rocks again with an embarrassed laugh, running his hands through his sandy hair once more.

“Yeah, sorry about that…I didn’t mean to disturb you. I was looking for something,” Gordon said. “Actually, I found it, too.” The young woman raised an eyebrow expectantly. Gordon cleared his throat. “The seal coat…it’s…mine.” He hesitated as he answered, wondering if perhaps this was the wrong way of gaining back his seal coat. The young woman frowned and tightened her arms around the coat.

“I’ve heard lots of stories of men who comb the beach looking for seal coats to bring home an unwitting bride,” she said. Gordon laughed, despite the seriousness of the situation on his part.

“Yeah, believe me, my brother Alan had a pretty close call with that,” he said. The young woman frowned.

“Forcing young women into marriages isn’t funny,” she said, as if she knew from experience. “And I’m going to make sure that this seal coat goes back to the young woman it belongs to.” Gordon’s eyes widened as he realized they were talking about Gordon being the one looking for a bride. He threw back his head and laughed.

“Oh no,” he said as his fit of giggles died down. “You misunderstand me. I’m a selkie. My brother too obviously. All of them. I have several.” He felt the words tumbling out in an awkward rush. Even angry, the woman was very pretty, and he couldn’t help his laughter at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. “Let me start over. My name is Gordon and the seal coat you are holding is mine. As in, I use it to take my seal form.” The young woman frowned in thought as she considered him before loosening her grip on the seal coat, her anger dissipating quickly into something more melancholy.

“Well…this is an unexpected turn of events,” she said. Gordon placed his hands on his hips with a slight smile on his face.

“Don’t sound so disappointed,” he said, hoping to lighten her mood. She shook her head and set the seal coat aside, as if she no longer wanted anything to do with it.

“I’m sorry if I sound disappointed,” she said, her sincerity obvious. “I had been hoping that the coat belonged to a seal maiden. I was protecting it so she wouldn’t be forced into marriage with a human if that wasn’t what she wanted. I never intended to keep the coat for myself. I was just…looking for a friend, I suppose.” Gordon frowned slightly and approached, sitting down on the other side of the coat as Penelope adjusted her skirts.

“Well, just because I’m not a seal girl doesn’t mean we still can’t be friends,” he said. She looked over at him.

“No,” she said after several moments where she looked at him, as if trying to figure out his angle. “I suppose it doesn’t.” Gordon smiled.

“Though, you do have me at a slight disadvantage. I’ll have to start calling you the shore maiden if you don’t give me your name,” he said with a wink. The corner of her lips quirked in a smile.

“I’ve been called worse,” she said. “But my name is Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward.” Gordon smiled and reached for the hand nearest him, bringing the back of it to his lips.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lady Penelope,” he said. Penelope took back her hand and brushed some hair away from her face.

“I have to admit,” she said. “It’s the first time I’ve ever met a selkie in person,” she said. Gordon leaned back on his hands, looking up at the sky above the waves.

“Yeah,” he said. “That doesn’t surprise me. We tend to keep mostly to ourselves. Partially because of the coat thing but also because most humans forget us pretty quickly.” Penelope turned to look at him, intrigued.

“Seems like someone like you would be pretty hard to forget,” she said. Gordon laughed.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, as I’m sure you meant it,” he said, enjoying the blush that rose to her cheeks and thinking that it only made her look prettier. “But yeah…we can’t come on shore very often. It’s part of the whole merfolk life thing.” Penelope frowned.

“That sounds lonely,” she said. Gordon shrugged.

“I mean…it could be worse. I could be one of the finfolk and that would mean I couldn’t come on land at all. That…might suck a little more.” Penelope laughed.

“I can see where that might be a bit more inconvenient for forming friendships,” she said. He nodded.

“Yeah. Besides, seal guys are much cooler than mermen,” he said with a wink, earning another laugh from her. He smiled and let the moment settle before he cleared his throat. “So tell me a little more about yourself.”

“I’m the daughter of Lord Creighton-Ward. And I’m expected to marry well,” she said. Gordon made a face.

“Sounds like an exciting future ahead.” The lack of enthusiasm in his voice was nearly palpable. “If it’s wrong to make a seal girl marry if she’s not in love, it seems to me that a human girl should be given the same…I don’t know…courtesy?”

“One would think,” she said, sliding her feet out of her shoes and letting her toes dip into the sand. Gordon could see the distance in her eyes as she thought ahead to an uncertain future. He knew he had to do something to bring her back from wherever it was she was going in her mind, especially if it had the power to erase the smile from her features.

“What would you want for your future if it was in your hands?” he asked, hoping the suddenness and the personal nature of the question would shock her back to reality. He knew his plan worked when Penelope looked at him, an amused smile lighting up her features.

“You don’t waste any time getting to the point, hmm?” she asked. Gordon shrugged, inwardly celebrating his personal win.

“There’s too little time to waste on small talk, what with the whole ‘can only go on shore so often’ thing,” he said with a grin. “So come on, tell your new friend what you want for your future. I may not be a magic fish, but I know a guy.” He winked at her, causing her to shake her head and look out at the water.

“Hmm…if I could have anything I wanted for my life? I’d like to do something to help those in need. The voices of those less fortunate than I are not often heard. I’d like to be in a position where I would be free to use my voice to help make things better, perhaps be able to actively make the world a better place.” Gordon looked at her. He probably couldn’t say what answer he expected to hear from her if he had been asked, but whatever it was he had expected, it wasn’t that answer. His smile softened into one of admiration. She was such a purely good person. He would consider himself honored to count her among his friends.

“So what’s stopping you?” he asked, breaking the silence that had settled over the both of them with her pronouncement. Penelope shrugged.

“Unfortunately, in this day and age, women’s voices aren’t nearly as loud as men’s voices,” she said. Gordon shrugged.

“So make them listen. If anyone can do it, it’s you. I believe in you. You have the freedom to rewrite your future,” he said. “And I’ll be rooting for you. And if there’s ever anything I can do for you, I’m happy to kelp in any way I can.” He grinned at his own joke and Penelope arched an eyebrow, holding the expression for only a moment before allowing herself to laugh.

“That was a terrible joke, Gordon,” she said. He grinned.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think that my jokes be the start of a beautiful friendship between the two of us,” he said with a wink.

“I suppose you think they will seal the deal?” she asked, as if resigned that the joke was going to come out one way or the other, and she might as well beat him to the punch. Gordon’s eyes lit up.

“Say, that was pretty quick,” he said. “I think even my brothers might have approved of that. I’m just mad I didn’t get there first.” Penelope smoothed her skirt with a smile.

“Will you tell me about your brothers?” she asked. He nodded and started to regale her with tales of their exploits in the open ocean and some of the more humorous stories. He didn’t notice as the sun set below the horizon and night crept over them, the hour growing later and later.

“And then of course, there’s Alan. He’s the baby of the family. And like I said, he was the one that had a close call with his seal coat. He-” Gordon began, but a grumpy seal cry cut him off, causing both Gordon and Penelope to jump. Perched on a rock was a very annoyed looking black seal. Penelope looked at Gordon.

“One of your brothers, I take it?” Gordon put a hand on the back of his head, his cheeks pinkening. It sure was one of his brothers; a very upset eldest brother who looked like he was about ready to drown Gordon in the surf for forgetting about the time. He waved awkwardly at the seal.

“Oh hey, Scott. That time already?” he asked. The seal vocalized angrily. Gordon laughed and turned back to his new friend. “I suppose this means that my time is up. I’ve got to head back into the water.” He got up and offered a hand to Penelope to help her to her feet. Once both of them were standing, he picked up his seal coat and shook off the sand. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Lady Penelope,” he said. “And I hope to see you again when I come back on shore.” Penelope nodded.

“You’d better. You owe me a story,” she said. She moved closer to him as he batted away the sand from his seal coat. She leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek before she slid on her shoes and started to head up the beach once more. Gordon placed a hand over his cheek and smiled.

“I do indeed,” he muttered to himself. The moment was interrupted as the seal behind him barked at him and he shook his head.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming, Scott. Keep your coat on,” he said, sliding into his seal fur and following his brother back into the surf with one last look up the beach at Penelope’s retreating form.

~@~

Gordon lay on one of the rocks that jut from beneath the ocean outside Tracy cove, sunning himself as he watched the sky. His seal coat was tucked safely beneath him. His thoughts strayed back to Penelope and the few hours they had spent together on the beach only a few weeks ago. He doubted he would ever see the feisty blonde again, but he knew that he could never forget her. She had given him his freedom despite obviously wanting to keep him by her side. And he had almost considered staying with her, but the ocean had a siren’s call all its own. No matter how much Penelope had drawn him towards land with her own siren’s call, they had both known that he would never have been able to drown out the call of the sea.

He let out a deep sigh. Man, sometimes the extended time between their visits to shore sucked hardcore. He already had begun to miss the easy companionship with his human friend. He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of the ocean: the waves lapping against the rocks, the call of the sea birds that flew and dived for their meals, the creaking of a boat as it rocked on the….

Wait a second. Gordon sat bolt upright. Boats never came this close to the cove where he and his brothers had made their home. The sailors that ventured out this far into the ocean called the place Hullshatter Cove for a reason. He looked out over the ocean and sure enough, a boat was making its way in the direction of the cove. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, wondering if he hadn’t gone sea mad, but the boat remained where it was. He got to his feet, gathering up his coat and frowning. He had to keep the boat from coming into the cove somehow.

He pulled his coat over his body, feeling the transformation as he leapt into the water. His seal body cut through the water swiftly and in no time at all, he was at the side of the boat. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to do to stop them, but he had to try. He looked up to consider his next move when a lifeboat dropped, the craft hitting the water so close to his head that if his reflex to dive hadn’t been quite so quick, he would have been seeing stars. His head surfaced again as he stared at the small craft. Gordon wasn’t one to look a gift horse, or boat for that matter, in the mouth. He jumped into the lifeboat, letting out a series of barks to warn the sailors of the impending danger.

Underneath him the small boat lurched as it began to be hoisted up on deck. Gordon realized that he may not have thought this plan entirely through, but there was no turning back now. He allowed himself to be hoisted to ship level, where he jumped onto the deck and barked at anyone who came near him, trying desperately to call their attention to the dangers that awaited them as they floated closer to the island.

“Now is that any way to behave?” Gordon froze, his head whipping around. He knew that voice. There stood Penelope. Gone were the skirts and trappings of high society. Instead she wore trousers and a long captain’s coat, and Gordon couldn’t deny that the look somehow suited the young woman more than the skirts ever would. She looked comfortable and happy in a way she hadn’t when last he saw her. “You can close your mouth, Gordon,” she said. He snapped his jaw shut, having been unaware of when it had dropped open. He began to shed his coat, taking human form there on the deck of the ship and looking at her with wide eyes.

“Penelope? But…how…why…?” Gordon wasn’t sure what question he wanted to ask first. Penelope shook her head.

“Why? For you, of course,” she said. Gordon’s expression went from puzzled to completely bewildered.

“Me?”

“Yes,” she said. “You longed for the freedom of the sea, and I decided that I wanted a taste of that for myself. So I pulled a few strings and got myself a letter of marque to sail the sea. I was hoping I would find you again.” Gordon’s heart melted. She had done all of this…for him?

“Penelope…I…don’t know what to say…” Penelope waved a hand dismissively.

“The only thing that you have to say is that you are going to give me the full story about your brother and his near marriage miss. You said that you couldn’t come on shore again for quite some time and I wasn’t willing to wait that long. So if you couldn’t come on shore, I would come to the sea,” she said. Gordon stood frozen for a moment as he processed her words. Never before in collective selkie memory had a human made the attempt to figure out a loophole to remain close to a selkie companion on their terms. He laughed, happy tears threatening to make their way to his eyes. He moved forward to her and wrapped her in his arms, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“Thank you, Penelope…thank you so much…this means the world to me…and I promise…I’ll tell you all the stories you want…” he said. She smiled up at him, her arms draping around his waist as well.

“Good,” she said. Neither of them moved for several moments, allowing themselves to just be in each other’s company before she pulled back slightly and smiled up at him, moving her hands to his chest. “Now what say you and I go have a bite to eat and you make good on your promise?” Gordon nodded, willing to follow his feisty little captain anywhere, letting her guide him toward the lower decks. He stooped for only a moment to pick up his seal coat before taking her hand.

“Well you see, Alan’s near brush with marriage all started when…”

#thunderbirds are go #gordon tracy #Lady Penelope #scott tracy #alan tracy #virgil tracy #john tracy #irrelief #irrelief2020 #one of mine #fanfiction #my fanfiction #my aesthetic boards

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