my mom: *gets mad at my dog for exhibiting dog behaviors*

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

disabled people: we are still dying, can you please just wear a mask to the grocery store and doctor’s offices so we can live

conservatives: no, die or stay inside all day, no one cares

leftists: no 🏳️‍🌈✨💖

The most fucking annoying thing about all the "conflict of interest" gate is it's going to be F1 Academy and Susie that suffer as a result of it.

They're not going to lobby for Toto to move on and dissociate from Mercedes, they'll want Susie fired, so F1 Academy will lose the person spearheading it, despite her clearly being the best qualified person for the role right now. Just as the series is finally going to get an opportunity to take off, it will lose its rudder and get derailed before its begun.

And even if they DON'T find anything of note, it's Susie's reputation that will end up being tarnished, because its always women that bear the brunt of these things, despite F1 and 'conflict of interest' going hand in hand since records began.

And all this for a tabloid magazine article by someone who not only is banned from the paddock, but has been on the receiving end of numerous libel cases from people inside the paddock.

The FIA are trying to appear like they're being 'fair and thorough and authoritative' but they're not, they're just legitimising the accusations when it's not really their issue to investigate. It's shameful politicking and it's yet another example of the FIAs internalised misogyny. Where was their investigation into the allegations about Mohammed Ben Sulayem? Or is it only when it suits them?

So, I'm going to either make this joke more or less funny by explaining it, Colin Robinson-style:

Nandor isn't being an idiot by misspelling 'knowledge', he's spelling it phonetically.

Why? Well, it's probably not just that English is a horrendous abomination sent by god to punish us and an even worse trail for English learners either, but Persain is a (mostly) phonetic language!

This means each letter has a corresponding sound and words are phonetic in spelling (again, for the most part), unlike 'knowledge' in English where there are like...at least three?? unnecessary extra letters.

So, what's the phonetic spelling of 'knowledge' look like?

nolij

one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.

but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.

you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.

and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.

you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?

the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.

2023 Qatar Grand Prix - Sprint - Oscar Piastri

man

it’s hilarious to me that fushiguro went back to his old middle school and everyone talked about how his sister, who went to middle school with him, was the one taking care of him because I’m convinced that seventeen year old gojo had his ass in a chair every pta meeting starting shit with the other moms and the entire administration collectively said “that man cannot even take care of himself” and decided twelve year old tsumiki was the only possible caretaker

Bro I hate fundamentalists and culturally-fundie parents they'll say shit like "spare the rod spoil the child am I right haha yea my parents used to have to beat my ass with a switch almost everyday but I sure did learn my lesson" but like??? no you didn't??? you were hit multiple times for something you very obviously did not, in fact, learn

Like studies about how harmful even lightly spanking children is aside, you're literally contradicting yourself?? Some even admitted they got worse as they got older cause they wanted to see how far they could push their parents before they got punished

And studies not aside, you're gonna get child raising advice from the same book that tells you to stone your wife if her hymen doesn't break on your wedding night instead of the decades of research we have now?? Just say you're a bad parent and move on my guy. Skill issue

very interesting to me that the big three of the current hero gen in mha - shouto, midoriya and bakugo - are often portrayed as also being the closest in a lot of fics bc it's like. you've got shouto's two best friends as a boy with a volatile personality fuelled by his blind ambition and desperation to be the best, and a boy whose quirk destroys his body. like if you combined two of shouto's best friends you'd get touya but we're just not supposed to redeem him. okay

Something about Hua Cheng's expression here is killing me--I know this is supposed to be a delicate moment of reassurance but the pure hater energy radiating off of him is just immaculate

day 16

so instead of a drawing todays art is Babys First Embroidery

it will eventually be a patch for my Cool Patch Jacket once i get the border all filled in

it is in reference to the fact that i recently found out my state has a program that provides free naloxone to anybody who wants to carry it, no prescription necessary.

if you aren’t familiar, naloxone (brand name Narcan) is a medication that can be used to reverse an opioid overdose almost instantaneously in an emergency. in my state it is provided in the form of a nasal spray, but similar programs in other areas might offer auto-injectors, or other subcutaneous delivery methods.

BUT what i want to get across is that there are A LOT of these programs out there! if you’re curious, just google “free naloxone [your location]” and you might be able to get your hands on free or extremely reduced cost doses of naloxone to carry with you. most programs will train you how to administer the medication, and how to recognize signs of overdose.

harm reduction for drug users is important to me, regardless of who is using them, or for what purpose. and you can be part of that effort in your community SO easily by adding this to your first aid repertoire. it’s a bit like getting cpr certified! only literally so fast and cheap and easy like in my case i was in and out of the pharmacy in 15 minutes!!! you can literally save somebodys life with this, it is so so worth it.

a very merry birth to our most logical boy :]

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Day 166 | id in alt

When you wanna say something but the person you wanna speak to has his fucked up kids with him so you don't.

(to explain this thing, I personally believe if Tengen was to try and face-to-face speak to somebody she'd take some of their cursed energy to do so. It's a way to not expend so much of her own while not being around the tree, and because cursed energy is linked to strong emotions. Some may hallucinate a figure that has left a mark on them in Tengen's stead.💥💥)

the thought of icemav celebrating christmas together makes me a bit crazy. what do they give each other???

usually nothing . That’s kind of a big deal. in the 80s/90s they’d (reluctantly) celebrate Christmas with carole and bradley (who took that shit kinda seriously) so they wouldn’t really do anything by themselves. Maybe go out for a nice clandestine dinner just cause. After Carole dies and Bradley’s papers get pulled from the academy, ice’s low key newfound interest in celebrating christmas is one of his many many ways to try and normalize relations between him & maverick and try to improve their relationship in the conspicuous absence of the rest of their family. but yes he does make an effort—as does mav—to take advantage of holiday time to be with him as often as possible so, though their schedules don’t always line up, after 2006 they spend about 3/4 xmases together

Ice has very few hobbies besides a.) lovingly working on his cars & plane and b.) reading, so he is exceptionally easy to shop for (as most hobbyless men are): nice tie pins, cufflinks, those unnecessarily expensive hardcover books about weird random topics you find in airport bookstores, fountain pens, nautical /aeronautical themed paperweights, nice leather watchbands etc. highbrow rich guy stuff

Maverick has sooooo many stupid little hobbies that each last between 4-6 months so he is ridiculously hard to shop for— “i thought you were into woodworking so i got you some tools :)!” “uh no that was in April. im trying to learn how to make wallets now” :( so mostly if ice ever gets him anything it’s usually just an expensive dinner date in the city or cash in a blank card or a blank signed check for airplane parts for the next year. Buy whatever you want idc <3

any and all gifts are given with extremely little fanfare PLEASE don’t make it a big deal… hidden around the house with a little “merry xmas!” note attached, or shoved into each others suitcases pre-leaving-for-navy-reasons, or unceremoniously dropped into one’s lap while he’s watching tv, “here you go,” “oh, this is nice, thanks!” Et cetera. love language of gifts/acts of service, but, like, very quietly.