#getting less and less realistic to set. kind of Any art goal anymore :’
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The Best Medicine
Summary: You are in the hospital, but you can never sleep in hospitals. Good thing you have a very attractive night shift nurse who is willing to help out.
Word Count: 4.5K
Warnings: hospitals, light med talk, bad medical writing, fluff
A/N: Please ignore the plot holes or the fact that this isn’t the most realistic and also I know this isn’t how discharge works at the hospital.. It’s called fiction for a reason, darling. Also, I left the reason the reader is in the hospital open ended bc some of us may have medical conditions/reasons that we can attach to this, but if not I tried to keep it vague enough on purpose so that you can imagine whatever. Also if you like Nurse!Tom and have requests for him lmk bc i’m happy to write for him.
Toss and turn. Toss and turn. The routine was getting old. This was your third night in the hospital and sleep just wasn’t coming to you.
Maybe it was the medicine they had you on. Maybe it was the constant symphony of sounds and people passing in the hallway. Maybe it was because you weren’t at home in your own bed.
Maybe it was just because you were in the hospital.
You couldn’t be sure. What you were sure of is that you weren’t falling asleep anytime soon.
Feeling another presence in the room, you looked from the ceiling to the doorway where you saw Tom, one of the night shift nurses, standing cautiously.
“I didn’t wake you did I?” He asked as he eased his way inside.
“Nope.”
“So no sleep again, huh?”
“Nope.”
“Sorry darling. Let’s go ahead and get these vitals over with.” He took your blood pressure, oxygen levels, temperature and wrote it down in your chart. Putting the clipboard back on its hook at the end of the bed, he looked up at your tired face. “Okay. So now about that sleep. What do you think will help?”
“Not being in the hospital.”
He chuckled lightly while walking back towards your bedside.
“I know. You hate it here. You’ve made that very clear and I try not to take too much offense to it.” You let out a slight laugh and held back the fact that he was the best part of this whole experience. He almost made it worth it. “I’m sorry we can’t give you any sleeping medication. Do you think it’ll help if I talk to you?”
“You mean tell me bedtime stories?” You couldn’t help but tease him at the adorable suggestion, though it sent a swarm of butterflies off in your stomach.
“I was thinking more like bore you ‘till you fell asleep. But whatever works.”
“You’re the nurse. If you think it’ll help.” You both sat there smirking at each other for a moment. Something unspoken floating in the air between you two.
“Well, I need to finish my round of vitals first. I’ll come check on you when I’m done and if you’re still up we’ll see about those stories.”
“I’ll be here.”
About fifteen or twenty minutes later you heard a light tap on your door followed by “Still awake?”
“Always.”
“You up for a chat?” Tom asked as he made his way to the stool then rolled slightly closer to your bed.
“Got nothing better to do.” You teased again.
“Okay. Well you should probably lay down.”
“Oh. It’s going to be that kind of story, huh?” His laugh was so beautiful and you were happy you were the cause of it.
“No.” He corrected in between laughs “The goal is to get you to sleep. So sitting up won’t help.”
“Right. Right.”
“Well.. anything in particular you’d like to talk about?”
“Why did you choose to become a nurse?”
“Ahhh. Good question. So I actually went to an art school.” You couldn’t help the brief expression of surprise that crossed your face. “I know. Shocking. I did training specifically in dance and gymnastics and I loved it.”
“Wait, so what happened?” You asked, turning on your side to face him more comfortably.
“Well one day we were rehearsing for a show and I fell. Ruined my knee. Had to do physical therapy for months. I tried to get back into it, but it just wasn’t the same. However, through that process I learned a lot about medicine and the health side of things. It really turned me on to it. And when my Plan A got a bit messed up I thought ‘hey, this could work’. So far it’s treated me pretty well.”
You smiled at Tom, admiring his passion for his career and the determination he had to keep pushing after his accident. You enjoyed hearing him talk about it too. If you didn’t know any better you would say it was helping you relax.
“My story that boring?”
“Obviously.”
“Your sarcasm has no end.”
“Oh… goodness.. you thought that was sarcasm?”
Tom only laughed and shook his head the way he often did with you.
You may just have been his patient and he may have just been your nurse, but you both bonded. He kept you company and gave you comfort. In return, you kept him entertained during the quiet night shifts.
“I’m not going to sleep. I'm just resting my eyes. But still listening.” You told him as you nestled further into the hospital bed, trying to find a position that would make it comfortable.
“Okay, darling.” He grinned at you.
“Tell me more. What kind of-” You had to stop to yawn, “What kind of art stuff did you do?”
“Oh. Well, I was in a few musicals. I really enjoyed dancing. I did ballet ever since I was young and I love the control I have over my body. The tricks I can do with gymnastics or the turns and leaps. I mean I can’t do them to that level anymore, but I try to stay active.” He glanced up and noticed you hadn’t moved, “Are you still with me?”
“Mhm.” You barely respond.
“Okay. Well it was a performing arts school so we really were trained in many areas. We had classes in acting, singing, dancing, all of it. It was a lot of fun and I met my best friends there.”
Tom began telling stories about his time at school. Before he knew it, he lost himself and track of time. He looked back at you, quiet and still.
“Y/N?” You were finally asleep. “Goodnight, darling.” He whispered as he gently made his exit.
Because Tom worked the night shift, you never saw him when you woke in the morning. Instead, Tanya, a sweet nurse that felt like a big sister, or Linda, Nurse Ratched in the flesh, came in for morning vitals and meds.
You counted down the days until your release. Life in the hospital was pretty uneventful with the limit on visitors and limited activity. There’s only so many sitcoms one can take in a given timespan. The only thing that you really looked forward to each night was when Tom clocked in.
“Hi Y/N.”
“Hi Tom.” You would smile at each other.
“How are we feeling today?”
“Better. Ready to get out of here.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear you are feeling better and still ready to jailbreak.” He smiled while writing something down on your chart. “They should be bringing up your dinner tray soon and then I’ll bring by your evening meds after that.”
“Okay.”
“If you need me you know what to do.” He called to you before walking out the door.
You were disappointed when Shelley brought your evening meds by later. She was a nice enough nurse. She just wasn’t Tom.
You’d grown accustomed to mainly having him as your nurse during the evening shift. At first you weren’t sure if it was coincidence or on purpose, but after a few nights of staying up and talking, you grew closer to him. You saw less of the other nursing staff and more of Tom.
You tried not to build anything up in your head. You were sure everything he was doing was in his job description and a part of being a good nurse.
He would sneak you extra pudding cups from the cafeteria and bring you an extra heated blanket because you could never stay warm. If you needed a new IV, he held your hand to ease the anxiety. He kept you company and made you feel less alone in such a sterile and intimidating place. And when he noticed you had trouble sleeping he chose to sit with you to help you fall asleep. You couldn’t help the butterflies that built in your stomach.
It became a sort of routine. He checked on you during evening vitals, even if someone else was doing them, and you were always still awake. He would then come and sit with you and chat for a bit, telling you different stories until you eventually fell asleep.
Some nights when you were extra restless he would help you walk the halls.
“The doctors have to see you’re stable enough before you can be discharged. Plus, maybe it’ll tire you out.” He suggested.
He would help get your IV pole ready so you could walk with it. He helped you into your slippers and eased you out of bed after passing you your robe.
Walking the hall slowly, Tom knew he had to remain professional, yet he found a few excuses to graze his hand across your back to ‘steady you’ when you turned corners or he thought you were looking tired.
“It might take me a while to get back to my usual jogs in the park, huh?” You laughed in spite of yourself.
“You’ll get there. Baby steps.” He encouraged, as you turned around the Nurse’s Station. You missed the faces the other night shift nurses were giving you both, but Tom was sure to subtly flick them off. “So, do you like running?” He asked as you headed back towards your room.
Throughout your late nights together, he told you of his three younger brothers and his dog named Tessa. You spoke about what you would do when you were out of hospital. He talked about his friends and flatmates and the adventures they had. He told you many stories, but each morning when you woke up he was clocked out and the day shift nurses were there.
Tonight was your last night. You’re set to be discharged tomorrow and while you are ecstatic to go home, you’re going to miss one thing about this place.
“I bet you’re too excited to sleep tonight. I don’t know if my stories will even help.” Tom said as he sat down next to you.
You smiled up to him sweetly.
“What are you looking forward to the most once you get out of here?”
“Sleeping in my own bed.”
“Well that’s no surprise.” Tom laughed, a contagious sound making you giggle as well. “Isn’t there anything you’ll miss about this place?”
“Yeah.” He smiled “There’s one thing.”
“What’s that?” He asks.
“The pudding cups.”
“Ahh the pudding cups of course.” You giggled while fiddling with the IV line.
“They just don’t taste the same in the outside world.”
His smile grew wider as you giggled.
“No, but really. As much as I give this place grief and say I’m ready to get out of here - which I am,” You gave him a pointed look to which he held his hands up in mock surrender, fully believing you, “it hasn’t been too terribly awful I guess.”
“Oh, well, I’m glad we could make your stay not too terribly awful.. I guess.” He teased. “Do you have anything exciting to look forward to once you’re a free woman?”
“Nothing huge planned, really. The doctors did say to take it easy.”
“That’d be wise.”
“Yeah. I’ll just lay low for a while. My sister said she may try to come visit me though so that would be nice.”
“Oh that would be nice. She’s your older sister right?”
“Right. She moved away last year to be closer to her boyfriend.”
“Ah. Do you like him?”
“Sorry?”
“This boyfriend. Do you like him?”
“He’s alright, I suppose. He makes her happy.” Tom nodded along.
“And do you have a boyfriend that makes you happy?”
“N-No. No I don’t. Not at the moment.” You began fiddling with the IV cord again.
“No boyfriend or not a boyfriend that makes you happy?” He asked.
“Neither.”
“Well that’s a shame.” If the heart monitor was connected you would’ve been screwed. “I just mean someone needs to look after you once you get home. I hope this sister comes through for a visit. You’ve got to take it easy.”
“Oh I’ll be fine.”
“I’m sure you will be.” He smiled.
“How has your shift been tonight? Busy?” You asked, fighting back a yawn.
“A bit busier than usual. There was a slight emergency earlier which is why Shelley handed out meds tonight. Sorry I didn’t come around.”
“It’s alright. I know you have other patients.”
“Yeah, but none like you.” You were sure he said that to all of his patients. After all, you’ve heard similar lines ever since you went to the pediatrician as a child. But it still gave you butterflies.
“Are you getting sleepy?”
“A little. But it’s okay.” He gave you a pointed look but continued to talk anyway. “It’s the last night. One final request for storytime. Make it a good one.”
You thought for a moment before asking your question.
“Do you ever wish that life turned out differently? That you never had your accident and you could’ve followed your dreams to be a dancer?” You asked while turning on your side and getting more comfortable.
“Sometimes. At least, I used to. But I think I’ve accepted it now. And I really can’t see myself doing anything but this.” You nodded taking in his answer “I look at it this way. If it wasn’t for my injury then I never would’ve changed my career path and found my love for medicine. I never would have made so many of the friends I’ve made or the memories I’ve made. I never would have met you.” He finishes with a sweet smile.
“That’s a very positive way of looking at it.” You told him. “Be honest, are you a therapist during the day?” He laughed out loud.
“No. I’m not. I guess I’m a big believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’.” You nodded while covering a yawn.
“So I’ve been curious to ask you,” He began, “Do you usually have this much trouble sleeping? Because you can get help for that you know?” You smiled at him.
“What? I thought a night nurse talking to you was the cure?” Tom smirked and shook his head. “I’m kidding. No, I normally don’t. It’s just the stiff sheets and hospital sounds I think.”
“Darn hospital.” He rolled his eyes and joked. “So this time tomorrow you’ll be sound asleep in your own bed then?”
You knew it was meant to be a happy statement, but you were a little sad at the thought of not having any more late night chats with Tom.
“Yes. Thank God.” You forced a smile.
You felt another yawn coming and tried to hold it back. It was already past the usual time that you fell asleep.
Tom could tell you were exhausted so he launched into a story from nursing school, hoping to lull you to sleep.
You yawned your way through listening, trying to soak up every last moment with Tom. In the morning he wouldn’t be here. You’d leave and likely never see him again.
When he finished, your eyes were half open and he wondered how you were still awake. Or maybe why.
“Why are you fighting it? The point is to sleep. Give in.” He told you gently after another yawn.
You looked up at him, half asleep and rubbing your eyes, not finding the confidence to tell him the true reason you were trying to stay awake.
“I’m happy right now.”
He smiled down at you.
“I am too. But you need your sleep, darling.” You weren’t sure what to say and you didn’t have much energy left in you anyway. “How about this. I’ve probably been in here too long as it is. Let me go check in at the Nurse’s Station and then I’ll come back and check on you soon and see if you’re still awake okay?”
The thought that he was leaving gave you a sad feeling in your stomach. You tried to remind yourself that he was just your nurse. Nothing more.
“Okay.” You smiled at him, sleepily, while settling further into the bed.
He stood up and instead of walking towards the door he walked closer to you. He grabbed the thin, white hospital blanket and pulled it closer around your shoulders.
“Goodnight, Y/N.” He whispered before he walked to the door.
“Tom?” You called out just before he opened it. He turned around with an expectant look, “Thanks for everything.”
Even though the room was dim you could see his smile.
“You’re welcome, Y/N. Get some sleep.”
You don’t remember much after that. You don’t know if Tom came back to check on you. You just remember falling asleep with a smile on your face.
When you woke up the following morning it felt like any other morning in the hospital.
The hallways were much louder. Beeps, chatter, and phones were constant. The lights were brighter.
But you were quickly reminded that it wasn’t any other morning. You were going home today.
The door creaked open and Tanya, one of your regular daytime nurses, poked her head in.
“Oh good you’re up.” She made her way inside and over to the gloves. “How’d you sleep?”
“Pretty good. Thanks.” She gave you a smile, something hidden behind it.
“I’m sure.” She said quietly to herself. You gave her a questioning look. “Oh I just mean I’m sure you’re excited to get out of here.”
You nodded as she took your vitals one last time.
“Everything looks good. What do you say about getting this IV out?”
“I say that sounds amazing.”
She took it out and bandaged up your arm while informing you of how the morning would go.
“Dr. McCoy is making rounds now then he’ll be by soon to go over your discharge. You can get dressed whenever you’re ready. If you need help, buzz me. You’ll still have a breakfast tray come, but you don’t have to eat it.” She gave you a wink while taking off her gloves.
“Thanks Tanya.”
“Of course, sweetie. And in case I don’t see you before you go, you’ve been a wonderful patient. Take care of yourself.” You smiled at her as she left you to change into some leggings and a sweatshirt.
You were packing your remaining things into your bag when your doctor walked in.
“Y/N! How are we doing today?”
“We’re doing great because we’re going home.” You smiled while taking a seat to rest for a few minutes.
“I know you’re excited.” He laughed before explaining the conditions of your discharge. You had medicines to take, a follow up appointment, and strict instructions to rest for the next few weeks. After signing some forms he left you with a stack of papers. “Is someone coming to pick you up?”
“Yeah my neighbor should be here within an hour.”
“Sounds good. Don’t hesitate to call us or come back in if you have any trouble or questions.”
“Will do. Thanks.”
A few minutes after he left a nurse brought in your breakfast tray. There wasn’t much of a point for it but since your discharge wasn’t technically until 10:30 am you were still a patient during breakfast.
You took the pudding cup that you requested with every meal off the tray before sliding it away. Smiling to yourself, you tucked it away in your bag. All you had left to do was wait for 10:30.
Tanya came in to check on you again and told you to buzz the Nurse’s Station when you knew your ride was here. At 10:27 you had a text from your neighbor that they were out front in the pickup zone. So you hit the call button.
“Yes?” Linda, the scariest dayshift nurse, answered.
“Um hi. Tanya told me to buzz in when my ride was here so I could go down.”
“Okay we’ll be right in.”
Not even a minute later you heard your door open. Expecting to see Tanya or maybe even Linda you looked up.
An audible gasp left your lips when Tom stood in your doorway with a wheelchair.
“I hear someone needs a ride?” He smiled as he made his way closer to the bed.
“Tom. What are you still doing here?”
“I pulled a double.” You wanted to ask why, but decided against it. You were still in a little bit of shock from seeing him again. “If you’d rather I can go get Linda to walk you down?” He pointed back towards your door.
“No! No.. I’m just surprised s’all.”
“Well come on. I thought you’d be running out of this place once the clock hit 10:30.” Glancing up you saw it was now 10:34. Your neighbor is probably tired of waiting already.
You grabbed your discharge papers and reached for your bag when you heard, “I got it.” Smiling at him, you sat down in the wheelchair. Tom placed the bag around his shoulder and kicked the brakes off the chair. “Ready?” You nodded up at him.
He rolled you out of the room that felt so small for a final time. You passed the Nurse’s Station and waved bye to the staff. He turned by the elevators and when you looked up at him in question, he read your mind. Looked down at you he said, “We’re taking the staff elevators.”
When you made it there he hit the button, turning you around and backing you in once the doors opened. He hit the button for the Lobby and leaned up against the wall of the elevator, briefly glancing at you, as you rode down together.
“Well you made it. You’re a free woman.” He smiled shyly.
“Yippee.” He met your eyes for a moment before looking back to the floor. The dynamics felt different. It wasn’t like your late night talks together.
“Listen, Y/N.” Tom began as he stood up from the wall and faced you. He was about to continue when the elevator ding cut him off, signaling you had reached your destination.
Maybe that was what was different. You had reached your destination.
You had a fun time talking with Tom and entertaining each other when you were both up late at night. He was fun to get to know and you enjoyed having someone care for you. He was easy to banter with and certainly easy on the eyes. But your time at the hospital was up. You knew it would be eventually. You wanted it to be.
Tom was a nurse. He was just doing his job. He was helping take care of you. He was being nice. He was trying to make your stay more comfortable. There was nothing to read into.
Your time being his patient was up and your time with him was up.
You tried to remain realistic, but the sadness still crept up as he rolled you closer to the door.
Once outside, you saw your neighbor exit the car and wave you over. Tom steered in the direction and slowed before rolling to a stop and hitting the brake locks on the wheels.
“Hi, I’m Taylor.”
“Tom.” They shook hands as Tom passed off your bag for Taylor to put in the backseat.
“I’m sorry for the circumstances, but it really has been a pleasure having you as a patient and getting to know you, Y/N.” Tom admitted as he walked around to face you. He grabbed the papers from your lap. “Take care of yourself, okay?” You had shared many smiles with Tom, but this one felt sadder.
“I will. Thank you for everything, Tom. I mean it.” You reached up and squeezed his hand. He gave you a light squeeze back while smiling down at you. Taylor returned from the backseat of the car and Tom turned to them.
“These are her important papers about follow up appointments, medications, what to do at home, all of that so please make sure she doesn’t lose any of them.” He emphasized the point.
“Got it. Thanks.” Taylor held onto the stack while Tom turned back to you.
“If I can’t handle a few papers on my own, then maybe I shouldn’t be going home yet, Tom.” You laughed.
“I know, I just wanted to make sure they made it home with you.” He walked closer. “You ready to get in?”
“Yeah.” You nodded. He helped you up, supporting you just as a precaution. Once seated, you took a moment to catch your breath as you pulled the seatbelt down. He met your hand, taking it from you to buckle you in.
“You good?”
You nodded with a smile, “Just a little tired. No biggie.”
He looked you over before returning your smile, though his didn’t quite reach his eyes, “If you need us, call us. Otherwise go home and rest.”
This was it. This was goodbye.
“Thanks, Tom.”
“Goodbye, Y/N.”
He shut the door. He walked back to the wheelchair, released the brake locks and headed inside. He looked back only when your car was driving away.
“Here’s those papers that are so important.” Taylor handed you the stack after they got in.
“Thanks.”
“So how are you feeling?”
“Better. Thanks.” You felt them looking at you as they joined traffic.
“You sure? You sound like you feel awful.”
You try to remind yourself to forget the sweet and attractive nurse and start moving forward.
“Yeah. Yeah I’m okay.” You decide to distract yourself by reading through your discharge paperwork, when something caught your eye. On top was a sticky note with the hospital’s letterhead. You were sure it wasn’t there before. Looking closer it read,
Y/N,
In case you need someone to talk to when you can’t sleep.
555-5555
P. S. I have a connection to some pretty good pudding cups too.
Tom
The smile that grew on your face was undeniable. All the feelings you suppressed came flooding in. He wasn’t just being nice. He actually liked you.
One thing you knew for sure was that even though you would be in your own bed tonight, you still would be up, talking to a very special nurse.
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here, there, and everywhere • graham coxon/reader
this fic is based on two prompts y'all sent me:
and
this fic really tested all of my blur knowledge holy Fuck. blur as talking heads au i guess. how cool would it be if they
1. had a girl bassist instead of the cheese tory dude
2. werent as unhappy as they were in the mid 90s (just a bit)
3. were just a little 🤏🏻 bit more female friendly lets just pretend this is a universe where the blurjob passes didnt exist heh
it took me everything i had to make this sound as realistic as it could be. u know these girls who think they could fix patrick bateman or don draper? perhaps y’all could fix blur
consider this a gift n not only me writing for your prompt, @nottuned! thank u so much for all your support n encouragement n for always bein so sweet 🥺 i hope u enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!
let’s see how many references to unfortunate britpop moments y’all can find in this
also i hope i captured the silliness of the gossip and drama in that era well. if you enjoyed it, please leave an ask telling me more! ur feedback is rly important to me 😔✊🏻
tw (?) reader has shitty parents
word count: 7.938 (this one's quite long!)
smut. set in the 90s. au.
You were unlocking your door when you heard your house phone ring. The shrill sound echoed through the empty corridors as you hurriedly unwrapped your scarf, tossing your keys and backpack on nearby furniture as you ran to answer the call.
“Hello?” You answer, panting.
“Y/N?”
“Dave?” You smile, that call was a very welcome surprise. Your friend owed you an answer.
-
A few weeks ago, Dave Rowntree, your music classmate who became a close friend, told you that he had teamed up with two other proficient musicians to form a band. Dave was ecstatic, and every day he had new stories about his new friends to tell you between breakfasts and lunches that you shared between the countless hours of rehearsals. Even though you weren't part of the group, you already felt that you knew Damon and Graham like the back of your hand. Yin and Yang. One was expansive, ambitious, vain, impulsive. The other, shy, introspective, anxious and careful.
Damon Albarn wanted to be an actor, Graham Coxon had a firm foot in the visual arts. One was a fan of grand classical compositions, the other was a Beatles fan. They had been friends since they were children, in a seemingly unbreakable bond. Damon dropped out of his theater class not only because out of a sudden he had found a bigger calling in music instead of acting, but also because he couldn't stand being away from his best friend for so long. You found yourself often imagining their faces and voices while trying to make all of the wild and endearingly funny stories Dave told you more tangible in your head.
It was not long before Dave started dropping little hints that they needed someone else for their project. “It’s not that Graham isn’t good at bass,” he’d say, “but we could do better.” It wasn't at the top of your plans to be part of a band right now, especially as you were preparing intensely to join the Royal Academy of Music, and he knew it. When you mentioned the conversations you had with Dave about the boys on your family dinner, in quiet wonder and timid want of being part of something really exciting, your parents wrinkled their noses. Focus on the greater things, they’d say. Don’t let these boys distract you from your goal.
Our goal, they meant to say. Since you were born, you never knew if the things you wanted were really your will or theirs.
But anyway.
That dynamic went on for a while, until the day Dave invited you to audition for them while you shared a Diet Coke in the tube home.
“Will it take too much of my time?” You asked, coyly.
“Bold of you to assume we’ll let you in that quickly.” He chuckles, amused by your confidence. You playfully elbow him in return. He knew how good you were at what you did, though, and there’s lightness in his tone when he continues, “But no, unless you let it. You’ll probably have to stand up to Damon every once in a while.” He sips the drink, handing it over to you.
“What about Graham? How much is he determined to make it big?”
“Damon’s the one who wants it the most. Graham’s studying Fine Arts at Goldsmiths, so. There’s still cautiousness in him.”
“Huh. Okay then.” You reply, thoughts running wild. “Do we have a time and date?”
“Is tomorrow ok to you?”
“Sure. After our class?”
“Perfect.” The train reaches his station. He ruffles your hair: “See you tomorrow then.”
“See you.”
You don’t tell anything about it to your parents, you just warn them that you’ll arrive a bit later than usual. Dave’s intel was crucial to your choice of songs: knowing Graham was the beatlemaniac and also the rational brake to Damon’s tireless ambition, you knew who to please and have as an ally, so you build an innovative and fresh mashup of Paul McCartney’s greatest basslines to play for them. Of course it could backfire, but you didn’t care. You had a hell of a good ear anyway and if Damon wanted you to play anything out of the blue, you would improvise beautifully over it.
The day comes. You didn’t know why you were that nervous for an amateur audition. You weren’t even sure if it was the right path to follow, given that, depending on how focused Damon really was and how contagious his aspiration was, being part of a band could really take you out of your predestinated course. The reason why you were so nervous, now thinking a little more about it, may be because deep inside, you want your path to be a little less predictable. You didn’t want to fill your heart with hopes that you might make it big and travel all over the world because you didn’t even know them. But… what if it clicks? You knew some people in the scene whose work was getting seriously recognized out there.
Meeting them for the first time was an enigmatic experience. Damon was incredibly brash and cocky - not the first theater kid you’ve met in your life. Graham was way more approachable, though also a bit conceited when pushed just right. You wondered if you’d fit in that boys’ club, and decided you wouldn’t be an easy target for discredit or any kind of shit they might give you. “Took me a while to fully get their trust. You’ll do just fine”, Dave said, out of their earshot.
That gave you more fuel to play amazingly well. Damon definitely wasn’t one to be impressed quickly, but he was, when you finished your set. So was Graham - Graham was starry eyed with your performance, actually. Albarn showed you a song and asked you if you could improvise to it, just as you imagined. Of course you could, on the first play. You even suggested some adjustments to its structure. Your feedback was welcomed and noted.
-
Even though everything went surprisingly well, you still weren't sure if you would be a member of “Seymour”, as they called themselves. (You knew it wasn’t the best name, but you didn’t have a better suggestion at the time so you’ve kept your opinion to yourself.) Graham became eerily quiet out of a sudden and wouldn’t cross eyes with you the entire time you were there. Damon, well, was Damon. Perhaps he thought you were too ordinary and mainstream for deciding to play Beatles when he’s trying to be the new avant-garde Jesus.
But Dave's news was different than you expected. “They really, really enjoyed your audition. As I thought they would.” You can hear the smile in his voice. "When can you rehearse with us?"
-
Months after, on your first gig as a fully formed and integrated band, Damon was hit in the face by a guy twice his size, Graham vomited onstage and you and Dave had to take care of both. A beautiful way to close the already exquisite day you had, after you fought with your parents, got kicked out of your childhood home and gave up on entering the Royal Academy of Music two days after you received your acceptance letter featuring rave reviews of your entrance exam.
Dealing with these boys - no, grown-ass men - was hard, but not completely unpleasant. If it were totally unpleasant, you wouldn’t give up on your entire life to embark on such an adventure.
You - plural you - were so gifted and Damon’s compositions were so good. You could see that artsy pretentious mess of an act going somewhere. Of course, you were a bit lost in your life, but so were they, as you ran from city to city meeting new people and trying new things in your journey to fame.
Loneliness, once a close friend, became a distant acquaintance. One you didn’t know anymore.
You confess you were getting worried, though, with how much money you had left on your savings and how much you were spending lately now that your parents weren’t an active part of your life. Wanting to eat something you cannot dream of buying without that money being really useful in a much more critical situation, not having nearly enough money to replace something important that broke or got torn off was frustrating. Some basic things became luxuries out of a sudden.
One day in particular, you very briefly mentioned that you were dying to eat a slice of chocolate cake, but your voice was so small and everyone was so immersed in their duties you thought no one gave two shits to what you said. Two days later, Graham arrived late at rehearsal with a small chocolate cake in his hands, handing it over to you like it was a completely ordinary act. Nothing in the way he acted told you he expected a reward, it was so natural and… gentle. You knew no one in your band could buy a chocolate cake without it being apocalyptic to their personal finances during that time.
That day, you were assured by fate that feeling lost together was better than feeling guided alone.
-
The band finally got on track - strictly musically speaking. Personally speaking, many contemporaries who followed you at parties and other events described you as an ever-growing odd, annoying and intermittently disarming bunch - and Blur and its members became household names, at least in the UK. It became harder and harder everyday to impose yourself as an entire industry and its target public aimed to tear you down. Men couldn’t understand.
(Graham Coxon was the one who tried the hardest to.)
It was four in the morning. You’ve got used to following your bandmates to hospitals, running away from trouble or knowing when to relish in it. But it was the first time you offered yourself to clean up dried blood from one’s face, given how much you hated seeing the fluid and even fainted when younger whenever exposed to it.
You, so delicately, wipe the saline solution-soaked cotton across Graham’s face, who flinches at the cold sensation on his still sensitive skin. He stares at you with the eyes of a child, and you couldn’t help but give him a slight, warm smile in return, which he retributes. Your face conveyed gratitude and affection towards the one you were taking care of. Your hands still struggled to stay completely still after the surge of adrenaline your body received a few hours ago.
Being the only girl in a massive band, and one the music magazines and mainstream media loved sexualizing, meant having paparazzis in your window in odd hours (not that that’s acceptable in any hour, but you had to lower your standards even more these days), meant having different photographers trying to pressure you to get into all kinds of uncomfortable angles with skimpy-ass dresses and just count on the intervention of your fellow bandmates so they would stop, also having invasive male fans who would try to harass you in any way they could.
Of course the day where one of your bandmates would get into a fist fight with one of these men inserted into these categories would come. And even though they were all protective of you, each in their own peculiar, increasingly contradictory way, Graham’s dedication to it was sometimes commendable.
You were making your way through a small corridor of people on your way to the stage when a random guy cupped one of your breasts. It’s not like the venue was incredibly tight, it could not have been on accident and it made your blood boil. You turned around to scream at him, and Graham, who was just behind you, threw a punch directly towards the man’s face, without thinking twice.
And oh boy, took a lot of people and a sweet amount of time to separate the two after that.
After all was said and done, Graham had a few scratches, a black eye and a cut brow. He kept dodging your many “sorrys”, “you didn’t have to do this” and other expressions of guilt. “You have nothing to be sorry about, he deserved it”, he kept assuring you, like a mantra, just giving in to your pleas when you supplicated to take care of his wounds during intermission and after the show.
“I get why you did what you did, Gra. I hate that you took such a risk because of me, but I understand.” you say, voice cracking from not using it for a while after spending some good minutes in complete silence taking care of him. “However,” you soak another cotton ball in the saline solution a roadie got you, punctuating the word with a squeeze to the cotton to remove excess liquid. “I was worried sick about you. What if he… had a knife or something? You could’ve got seriously injured. Or killed.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m perfectly able to have a good fight,” after wincing from the contact of the cold wet cotton with his dried blood, he purses his lips in a forced, shy smile, trying to light up the mood. He notices your hands are still shaking from the adrenaline, and takes one of them in his bigger ones, trying to calm you down. The fact that he did this for you, coupled with the fear and how tired you felt of having to go through that kind of situation once again, made you cry-laugh from how overwhelmed you felt.
His expression changes to one of pure compassion in an instant. “Hey, don’t--oh my,” he gets up from his chair to embrace you as you pour your frustrations through fat tears running down his shoulder.
“It’s so exhausting,” you mumble, through sobs. “Now I’m putting you in danger too. I feel like I did and I’m still doing everything wrong. I should be the one giving you a shoulder to cry on.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong! Anything at all, I promise you,” he says, tenderly, running his hands through your hair, still holding you tight. “It was his fault! I decided it was the right thing to do. You’re worth the risk. What people have been putting you through is unacceptable.”
“I’m not worth the risk!” You break apart from his arms, trying to get your point across. “What would I do without you if someone killed you? You need to be more careful!”
The silence hangs heavy between you two thanks to the weight of your words.
“You should’ve asked me before you lunged at him, at least. I don’t know.” You wipe your many tears as you move towards the nearest bottle of water to try to calm yourself down. “It’ll never end. I’m so afraid that these situations will get even worse. That,” you motion at his wounds and dirty clothes, “is a bloody tragedy. It’s a tragedy things escalated to this point. You can’t do that forever.”
“This is just a consequence. And something I would do for you in a heartbeat whenever necessary.”
“Graham, I don’t want you to get hurt because--”
“They hurt you. I won’t let you go through that alone. Besides,” he comes closer to you again. “As I already told you, I can take care of myself, most of the time.” He takes your face in his hands, his fingers so delicately running across your cheeks to dry your tears. You knew that gesture wasn’t his way of asking you for anything you weren’t ready to give him yet. He just wanted you to feel safe. “And I want to take care of you.”
“I’m the one cleaning your wounds.”
“A great partnership, I think.” Coxon chuckles softly, and finally gets a smile out of you. As he always does. “And they make me look cool, don’t you think?”
“Shut up.” You giggle, still feeling too emotional to return to the stage. You sigh: “Thank you for being there for me. You know I’m still not very used to it. Just please be safe.”
The roadie returns, a little flustered by interrupting your little moment together. “5 minutes and you’re back, guys.”
“Okay!” You both turn to answer her.
“I’ll be. No need to thank me for anything, Y/N.” He answers, giving your forehead a little kiss. “Let’s go.”
“Give me two minutes. I’ll be right behind you.”
-
“What’s it like, being the only woman in the band?”
Four eyerolls at once don’t seem to faze the interviewer. She waits for your response.
Apparently the thousand invasive questions regarding Damon’s love life and the same bullshit treatment of women as either rare specimen or sex dolls is what pleases the audience of music TV shows these days.
“What do you think?” is what you say.
“Must be a thrill to have these beautiful boys around you all the time. And we’ve heard you never even took advantage of it!”
You don’t like where this is heading. “Is that… a bad thing? I don’t know what you mean.”
“Perhaps some of our lady viewers might think it is. No judgement though!” She raises her hands. “You do you, it’s just that it’s quite unexpected to see prudes in non-Christian bands. I mean… from what we’ve heard.”
“I’m sorry? What are you trying to say? What did you hear?”
Her tongue clicks while she stares at you with defiance and mischief on her eyes, as she goes a little further and raises her voice so it can overlay yours. “Oh love. You do know what I’m talking about. There’s no need to be ashamed of being a virgin.”
Your cheek burns intensely and the only thing you wished for was for the ground to swallow you whole. Dave and Graham are especially uncomfortable. Damon’s a bit amused. The three knew almost everything there was to know about you. The one topic that surprisingly they didn’t know about is that you’re still a virgin.
They know you’ve been single for a long time. They know that’s part of what draws so much attention and twisted lore regarding you and your past, but that’s not something they felt they needed to know about you at all, and you truly never felt the need to comment about that with any of them, and they haven’t asked. Not even Mr. “the way to be successful in this game is to make all the boys wanna be you and all the girls wanna sleep with you. In your case that’d work in reverse” Damon Albarn.
“Is that even something that should be discussed in an interview about our music? Is that what your boss told you to ask her about?” Dave answers, his tone venomous.
“Musicians are way more than just music. You’re entertainment in every sense of the word.”
“Who told you that about me?” You asked, not sure if you want to know the answer.
“A lovely elderly lady who lives in Elgin Crescent. She knows you so well.”
That’s your mum. That’s how far low your relationship has degraded. You’re not surprised. That doesn’t feel less like a punch on your gut, but you don’t feel like tumbling again. Not today.
“I know who you’re talking about. Tell her I asked her to go fuck herself and burn in hell. In that order.”
“But that’s your--”
“Yes, she is my mum!” If people are going to expose you anyway, then why don’t you do it on your terms? “We’re truly entertainment in every sense of the word, aren’t we. Not everyone’s mum’s a cunt. Some of us aren’t that lucky.”
“You want to be the next Gallagher sister with the spicy remarks?”
“Not sure. But I do want to be the last person you ever get to interview.”
-
The management of the band wasn’t at all surprised your interview became UK’s topic of the week. People were heavily divided between family is family and we shouldn’t hate our relatives and blood isn’t everything, family can be shitty too. Your bandmates were proud of you. The management was angry but tried to understand, and didn’t press you for further explanations. They suggested a two-week break from everything so Blur could rest their image and start a fresh cycle after that, and you gracefully accepted it.
The whole thing seemed so ridiculous the more you thought about it. Did your mum tell the reporter about that gratuitously? What was their conversation like? How did that even happen?
You became the butt of jokes in some places. You saw other famous people doing challenges between them, countdowns, all sorts of crude remarks. What a pathetic, sad chapter of your career.
You dial Graham, and you feel like your heart was about to burst out of your chest.
“Hey, Gra. It’s me.”
“Hey, Y/N.” He sounds pleasantly surprised. “How's it going?”
“Better, I guess. I have to take my mind off all that chaos though. Are you available right now?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve been owing me a movie night for quite a while now and I miss spending time with you. Wanna come over?”
“Aww. Sure, I--um. Do you want me to bring anything?”
“I’m pretty sure I got everything we need here--ah… I think I don’t have any more beers.”
“I’ll buy some then. See ya in a few minutes.”
Actually, you couldn’t take all that chaos off your mind because that was the only thing in it. You’re feeling so nervous.
The main reasons sex wasn’t a priority for you until now were:
You didn’t have any real opportunities of losing your virginity in your teens. You were impossibly introspective until, like, 3, 4 years ago, and the way your family worked hasn’t really allowed you to get really close to people. Be it boyfriends, girlfriends or just friends. Anything that threatened to take time off the various tasks and classes your parents assigned to you just couldn’t be part of your life. To be honest, you still struggled a bit to form meaningful connections with people thanks to how you grew up.
The moment you stopped being shy, you noticed it was a real man’s world out there, especially in music, classical or not. You didn’t want anyone to think you fucked your way up to the top, you didn’t want any messy affairs. Also, you had yourself, and you didn’t get all of the hype regarding the concept of screwing someone. But apparently there’s a lot you’ve been missing, given the importance people seem to give to it. After that incident, even though you swore to yourself you wouldn’t give in to any kind of misogynistic pressure, that was one that really got under your skin.
You never really found someone who you felt 100% safe with in that sense until the one who’s about to arrive at your house appeared in your life. Bloody hell, and you don’t even have anything romantic going on. By the time you were a Blur member, you’ve fooled around a bit, but not all the way. You knew how to kiss, knew how to touch yourself and even brought manual satisfaction to some random fool you thought you were into one time. But perhaps this is the time to go all the way. Why not? Everyone knew how close you two were. He made you feel special. He was so kind. And gorgeous. And--
You hear a knock on your door. It’s him. Beers in hand, hair somewhat in place, twitchy as ever.
He comes inside and you feel like your legs will give up anytime. It was not the first time he visited you. It was one of many, actually, and he noticed you were acting… different.
“Y/N, are you okay?” He asks after a brief dialogue between you two, after plating some snacks for both of you.
“Graham...” You sigh, being really careful with your words. “What is your perception of me?”
“My perception of you?” He smiles. “I… think you’re great. You’re fun to be around. You’re one of the best musicians I know, if not the best. Why are you asking me that?”
“N-nothing. It’s nothing. Also, I asked the wrong question. What was your first perception of me?”
“Uh… the day of your audition?”
“Exactly. You barely talked to me that day.”
His eyes lower to his own feet. “I was really timid, actually. I wasn’t used to being near any girl, especially one who… w-would spend so much time around me if everything went well.”
You giggle. “I thought you hated me.”
“Never!” his smile turns into a full blown laughter. You melt at his confession. “Also because it seemed like you were trying to read my mind or something.”
“Of course! Because I thought you hated me!” Now that was a laughter you two shared. You do a voice: “‘Why is that pesky girl trying to get in my band?’”
“My goodness, no! I don’t even sound like that - you know what, I changed my mind. You suck. Because, besides the fact you don’t even know what I sound like, you still haven’t told me why you are asking me that in the first place.”
You couldn’t help but notice how he slightly cornered you physically in one of the kitchen corridors. Graham could be really persuasive when he wanted to.
“Okay. Right. Um. I’ve been thinking about some stuff.”
“What, exactly?”
“Everything that happened this month. The great virginity debacle,” you roll your eyes, and he scoffs.
“You don’t own anyone any information about what you do or don't do with your life. Everyone’s being so invasive. That was incredibly childish of the reporter to do, and we talked about that hundreds of times.”
“Yeah, but… you know what, forget it.”
“Tell me, Y/N. I just said that because I want you to know you were not in the wrong.”
“I know. It’s just… I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s silly for me to… keep closing myself for affection. Any kind of affection.”
“What are you talking about?” His brows furrowed in curiosity.
“I’m not sure if it’s the pressure that finally got under my skin, but… I’m willing to learn what all the fuss is about. Maybe it’s silly that I’m still a virgin.”
He bites his lips, still processing what you just said, expression unreadable. Perhaps you’ve treaded a ground you shouldn’t. You step back both literally and figuratively. “I’m sorry I even brought that up--”
“No, no, don’t be.” He assures you. “I’m just… surprised, that’s all. I swear.”
“And...” You know what. You already went too far, so why not go all the way. You’ve already gone way past the point of no return. “I was wondering if… you would… popmycherry?”
His eyes widen, yours still closed. When you finally open them, he’s closer to you again.
If his head was a machine, you’re sure it would be releasing lots of steam and shaking due to overprocessing. You felt like you just ruined everything.
“Y/N, you don’t need to do it if you don’t really want to.”
“But I want it! At first I thought I didn’t, but then I thought...”
“I don’t want to be part of that if you’re just doing it to fulfill weird expectations.”
“But it’s not that. Not just... that. I asked about your perception of me because I really like you, Gra. I think we should be more than friends and I wanted to know what you think about me. And I want to know what the fuss is about, yes, but I’m not telling you that just so I can lose my virginity to prove some point. I’m telling you that because I like you, I want to kiss you, and I think it would be a great idea if you showed me what it’s like. Y-you know, sex.”
“I-I can’t believe it. Did you even have any movie in mind?” His smile’s back, but you’re still not confident about what his answer will be.
“I didn’t. I’m sorry. You don’t have to--”
He sighs. “I was in love with you the moment I first saw you, actually.” He says it like he’s releasing a huge load out of his back, his arms crossed. Now your eyes widen, and you hold your breath without even noticing. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I know how you feel, or, felt about relationships, so… there wasn’t any reason for me to tell you that. And what I said about being timid was just half of the truth.”
“Huh?”
“I also was really intimidated by how pretty you looked. You can’t imagine how.”
“No way.”
“It’s true. I felt like I wasn’t even worthy of looking at you, really.”
“You’re joking. That’s mean, Gra.”
“I’m not. I’m really not.” He doesn’t look like he is joking. He looks relieved. “I’m really not. That’s why I’m so surprised by your request.”
“I’m nothing special.”
“You are everything to me. But I can’t accept your offer, not now.”
“Are you… seeing someone? Am I too late?”
“No. Definitely not. I just want you to be sure you’re not doing it because people are saying you should.”
“Graham, I’m a grown woman.”
“I know.”
Graham carefully presses his slightly chapped lips to yours, kissing you for a few precious, heart stopping seconds before pulling away; his voice is impossibly silky when he suggests, “Let’s watch a movie. How about The Godfather? I heard it’s airing tonight. Then, if in two weeks you don’t change your mind, tell me and I’ll be glad to help you with what you want. Do we have a deal?”
“That’s so unfair. I want you so bad.” You whisper.
“Tell me if you still do in two weeks.”
You sigh, defeated. “...Deal.”
-
You definitely notice the subtle shift in Graham’s personality and actions after that fateful night. If you were already close, both figuratively and literally, it now seemed like he would use any excuse to always touch you, be near you, sometimes tease you. The shift was subtle, though, don’t forget it’s still Graham Coxon we’re talking about - the constant “is it okay if”s or “is it alright if I”s were still there, as careful as ever. You don’t even talk about your deal that entire time, or even kiss again - sometimes you wondered if it was even real or just a fabrication of your mind.
The way he now caressed your hand discreetly when you listened to Damon’s ramblings, the way his hands now went directly to your waist when your games became too handsy, the way he seemed to be madly in love with everything you were and still are from the start - made you realize you were ready for this man to be a consistent part of your life.
The dust of the controversy was settled, and your own intentions were 100% clear to you now. The societal pressure has waned. The need for Graham to be your first persisted. After exactly 2 weeks have passed, you call him again, yearning to share the answer with him.
One beep.
Two beeps.
Three beeps.
Four beeps. “Hello?”
You release a sigh hidden deep inside of your lungs. “Graham, it’s Y/N.”
“Oh. It’s been two weeks.” You could hear the contemplative tone of his voice.
“...Yeah. That’s precisely the reason I’m calling you.”
“Do you still want to…?”
“...Desperately.”
“Ok.” He chuckles, flustered as hell on the other side of the phone, probably one of the prettiest sounds you’ve ever heard. “Right. Ok. Your place or mine?”
“I think there’ll be an element of mystery if I go to your place this time.” You lose some of the constraints this silly shyness has been tying you on. “Do you have everything we might need there?”
“We don’t need a dungeon, you know.”
“The basics.” You make your smile heard.
“I do have… I do have the basics.”
“See you in a few minutes then.”
“Will you want to… ease into it? Or just go straight to it?”
“God, don’t make it awkward!” Your cheeks burn, your smile turning into contagious laughter. “Maybe… I don’t know. Ease into it, I guess? A movie night… but with s-something else?”
“Okay. Sounds good.”
“Alright then. See you.”
“See you.”
-
You don’t choose any particularly fancy or sexy clothes, instead settling for a slightly oversized yellow striped shirt he gave you as a birthday present some months ago and some skirt that fit you well. He wasn’t one to lavish his loved ones with gifts all the time, but few things were as precious as the look on his face whenever he saw you wearing something he gave you or, hell, even eating something he paid for you. You’re thrilled to see it again when he opens the door for you, it easing some of your deepest doubts.
2001: A Space Odyssey is already playing on the TV when you arrive. Despite it being one of your favorite movies of all time, and his, you’re not mad it was already halfway through when you arrived. It wasn’t your main priority to rewatch it for the 17th time tonight.
He offers you some wine, which you accept to ease the nerves. You sit on his couch, and he shares the cozy space with you, now mindlessly throwing one of his arms around your shoulders. You cuddle up to him, and everything seems peaceful in the world for a while.
The tip of his fingers softly caress your lifted knee, absentmindedly. You couldn’t help but notice how well his body fits with yours, how your skin was apparently made for him to touch, and the anxiety rumbles in your stomach like a storm in a wild wavy sea. After some minutes, you raise your head, his big brown eyes meeting yours as if asking you a silent question. You leaned up a bit more to press your lips to his, in a silent answer. The sweetness in him makes this moment as precious as every other moment you ever shared with him. His hands enter your hair, making you shiver a bit from the unfamiliarity and the electricity of it all - but it doesn’t sway you from deepening the kiss, wanting more of his taste, more of this, more of him.
“Do you wanna take this to the bed?” He whispers, after noticing your moans were becoming more frequent and needy. You nod, and you are taken by surprise when he carries you bridal style to it, hiding your excited giggles in his broad shoulders.
Graham wasn’t exactly the most organized man in the world - so the fact that his bedroom was now impossibly tidy was something that positively caught your attention. He put some planning into this. He lays you down and you part your legs, beckoning him to meet you between them. He does, and you go back to the breathtaking makeout session. You notice he’s holding himself back a bit, taking his time, his warm tongue moving smoothly, not hurriedly, against yours. His self control falters a bit though, given how he can’t stop grinding against you. You follow the rhythm of his hips a bit timidly and not nearly as in sync as you’d really like, though the pressure his covered cock is creating against your core can already be felt and some particular thrusts are able to fill at least partially the aching, wet need growing within you.
“How do you feel about oral?” He asks, breath warm near your ear, his voice raspy and spent by his desire for you.
“Um… It would be my first time receiving or doing it.”
“Would you like me to go down on you?”
“Wow. I never thought I would hear you saying something like that.” You smile, still assimilating the situation you’re in, trying not to show how badly his voice is affecting you. “Sure.”
“I never thought I would get to propose this to you. Aren’t we full of surprises lately.” He smiles back, warmly. He notices your hands trembling a bit from how anxious you are while you’re taking off your underwear with his help, and as he lowers himself to where you need him most, he takes your hands in his as an act of reassurance. “Tell me what you like. Tell me if what I’m doing works for you. I want this to be a great experience.”
“You want me to get addicted to you, that’s what you want,” He chuckles, lovingly kissing your thigh as a reply. “Okay, Gra. Guess I’ll find out along the way.”
You quickly take a peak below you to see the lower half of his face disappear in the middle of your thighs. The sight alone sets your fire ablaze, as he hooks his arms around your thighs and lifts you closer to his mouth, his lips ghosting over the curls between your legs tantalizingly and his breath catching when your hips jerk forward.
As he begins his ministrations, you immediately notice it’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt. That feeling was completely alien to you. It was even wetter than you expected, and weird, but powerfully pleasant. Before this exact moment, you had a firm belief that hardly anyone else would make you feel the same way, or better, than you do yourself, but apparently you were very wrong. Thankfully you were wrong. “My god,” you gasp as the flat of his tongue drags over your folds, too much and not enough, and you jerk at the contact. “This is great. So weird, but-- great.”
He moans at your response, his movements carefully enthusiastic. He works his tongue between your folds and traces up to curl the tip of it around your clit, and it’s quite endearing and madly arousing to see how he eats out you like you’re the sweetest and tastier dessert he has ever tasted. You involuntarily buck against him with a desperate sound the moment he moves his tongue and lips in a particularly wicked way, something that definitely doesn’t go unnoticed by him, but you still feel the need to highlight in case it didn’t - “That. Keep doing that, please,”
And he does. The building of this climax is also different than the ones you already had by your own hands, and is more coy. As he sees the drops of sweat sliding along your soft skin and the expressions on your face as you get lost in this new but enchanting sensations, his hesitation and self-control fades away; there’s nothing uncertain in the way he buries his face in your cunt now, nothing restrained in the groan he lets out as he devours you and drinks you down as if you’re the first stream of water he has seen in days.
His tongue glides deeper in your folds again and again, swirling up through the wetness you’re coated with to tease at your clit while he grunts and strains closer, squeezing your thighs with both hands tight. The wave of heat inside of you is cresting so fast, you don't even know how to tell him, how to signal that you’re nearly done for and, in the end, it happens too fast to even try. He sucks at your clit, circling it with his tongue, once, twice, and then you’re crying out, shaking underneath him, trying to keep your thighs from clenching too hard around his head as he laps you through it with with urgent whimpers and moans, as if he cannot have enough of you.
You’re still trembling when he rises, the look on his face revealing to you how proud he feels by making you feel this way. It looks so good on him.
You fail miserably at the simple task of connecting words together after that, choosing instead to collect your remaining strength, prop yourself up and beckon him again to keep kissing him and learn, through his talented tongue, how you taste. He kisses the thin fabric of the shirt at your chest that covers you from view, your throat, your jaw, and before he reaches your impatient lips, he notes, sinfully, “Seems like you enjoyed yourself, love.”
“That was… unbelievable. Stars, I want to make you feel good too. Please show me how.”
“Keep kissing me,” he begs, voice still strained from how aroused he is. “I want to be inside you so bad. Let’s get you prepared.” You’re still so sensitive, you tread on overstimulation when his fingers lightly touch your clit, making you break the kiss in a hiss. He traces a line on your folds, inspecting the impact his mouth had on you. “So wet for me.”
“Bit slower, Gra,” He complies to your breathy plea, his fingers now more tame as he slowly spreads your wetness throughout your pussy. He stretches towards the nightstand to grab a bottle of lube, interrupting his contact to spread some on his fingers before unhurriedly slipping his middle finger inside of you. The coldness of the gel makes you shiver in surprise, the easiness brought by it very welcomed. Again - the sensation is odd. Completely unfamiliar. The feeling of having something inside of you for the first time, going further than you ever dared to try, probing, exploring; the coldness of the lube clashing against your burning hot cunt. But it also felt nice. The focused look on his face was adorable, he looked like he was a scientist in the middle of very complex research.
Despite the panting, the messy hair and the fire in his eyes.
Your body already has a lot of new sensations to process simultaneously, so when he asks you to take off your bra and shirt so his tongue can work on your nipples - which you gladly accept, you feel like you’re on sensual overload. His tongue, again, so talented, takes your mind off the slight burning you feel when he introduces his ring finger to your soaked, throbbing core, his focused, carefully overpowering and constant stimulation driving you insane.
“Does it feel good?” He asks, voice muffled by your breast. You nod, carried by the wave of pleasure sweeping you.
“Yes. God, yes.” You pant, tangling your fingers tightly on his thick hair as an encouragement, a desperate sound escaping from your lips the moment he reaches a certain point within you you didn’t even know existed, hot mouth continuing to lick and suck your nipple. Even though you were spent by your last orgasm, he was indeed getting you addicted to those new feelings, and even though this was heavenly, truly heavenly, you needed more. “Gra, I’m ready, I think.”
“You sure?”
“Yes. Please.”
Releasing your nipple from his lips with a sounding pop, he eagerly frees himself from his trousers - hard as a brick - and puts protection and lubrication on, swiftly positioning himself between your thighs while stroking himself to the sight in front of him. You motion to take off your skirt, and he holds your hand, not letting you. “Don’t. It’ll be really hot to fuck you in this.” He confesses, giving your forehead a kiss in a very different context than before. He aligns his forehead with yours, each of your lips just barely touching while you breathe each other’s air. He looks deep into your eyes, slowly running the tip of his cock between the slick folds of your pussy, coating himself in the remnants of your pleasure. “Do you trust me?”
You trust me to know your limits? Not to go any further if you don’t really want me to?
“Absolutely.”
The only response you get from him is a shuddering, helpless moan into your mouth and you hold him tighter to you, grinding your still sensitive cunt up against his cock while he pulls hard at the soft fur next to your head. You feel your soaking pussy lips part around the solid curve of his length and gradually coat the underside of him in slick with every gentle circle and roll your hips make, as he finally pulls away from your mouth to drop his forehead to your neck. He then, very slowly, penetrates you, stopping when he hears the noises you make indicating you’re struggling to adjust to his presence. Out of everything you’ve felt in the last minutes, this was by far the most painful sensation. “This-- is new,” you note, your face completely incapable of hiding the discomfort. He also notices that.
“Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”
“It’s okay. I’ll get used to it.”
“It’s not supposed to be about endurance, you know.” He says, a bit breathless and worried, caressing your hair. “Tell me when it’s okay to move. Or if you feel too much pain.”
After some long seconds and some deep breaths, you say: “Okay. Go on.”
“As you wish.”
He moves inside you at a very slow pace, the lubrication clearly making it easier for you to handle it. It still hurts, significantly, but the sensation of being filled is also surprisingly arousing.
His hand moves to your sensitive clit again in small, measured circles, your little moans being a mixture of the pain of penetration and the sheer ecstasy of seeing him falling apart because of you. The way his chest heaves while the drops of sweat start pearling his fair skin, the furrowed brows and broken groans, the thickness of him as he rests heavy up against your entrance, the way his voice presses deliciously tight in his throat as he gasps out into the quiet room - everything’s making your chest burst in love and satisfaction. You tighten your grip around him and roll your hips up into his cock, letting it break you open nice and slow; it stretches you wide with a deliciously sharp fullness and pleasure rips through you, and Graham becomes even more vocal as he picks up a steady and gradually faster pace. He turned all of your keys, it’s about time you turn some of his.
“Graham, deeper,” you whimper, continuing to tighten your legs and hoist yourself up, lifting your hips to take his cock deeper inside you. His name rips itself from your throat while Coxon clenches his jaw and starts to lose himself in the pleasure, holding you down into the bed while he allows your desperation to guide him to the perfect angle and speed to sate you. He found denying you to be impossible.
He snarls and curses as he holds you down and rails you, determined to make you sing again before he finishes, and to his delight, your heightened sensitivity gives him what he wants. And this time, he couldn't hold on.
Graham kisses you one last time as he groans and gives in, head dropping to your neck again. You didn’t reach a second climax, but stars, what an experience you just had.
When he comes back to himself enough to realise he still had you practically folded in half, he carefully pulls his softening cock free, taking the condom off and taking the strands of hair out of your face as you struggle to catch your breath. You suggest a shared bath, a suggestion he gladly accepts.
Too tired and too sore for pillow talk, comfortable silence falls as your hand finds his, and you lay, listening to each other’s breathing slowly settle.
I could get used to his little snore on my chest, is the last thought that twinkles on your mind before you fall asleep snuggled with him.
#graham coxon#alex james#damon albarn#dave rowntree#blur#britpop#smut#imagine#reader insert#graham coxon x reader#graham x reader#y/n#fluff#au#fanfiction#blur band
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It’s an Update
Hello, Riddle here! I know I’ve been pretty quiet on Tumblr lately. Here’s an update on my situation:
I will definitely post more fanfic updates soon. I’ve picked at drafts, but haven’t posted anything lately. Here are the reasons why:
I got a new IRL job. It’s a good fit for me, but I have less free time than I used to, of course. It’s a job that involves writing lots of articles on a variety of topics, and I enjoy how every day is a little different
Most of my free time for the last year has gone towards my mod work at the Creature-Crossing ARPG, and to my personal CC writing. I’ve been working on new activities over there (my recent favorite being our seasonal familiar shows... I won first place in the summer show!) and I have a lot of plot plans that are coming together now. If you ever want to see my original characters and read my CC writing, you can find my character directory HERE and my Table of Contents HERE.
Once November 1st hits, I won’t be preparing for the release of any more CC activities or events. All future activity or event releases will be overseen by the other mods, and I’ll simply be someone they can ask for extra help if needed. This is a big change for a mod who spent the last 12 months working on new releases, and will give me back some of the free time my IRL job will eat
The Creature-Crossing admin (my boss) greenlit my request to bring an assistant on the mod team who will specifically help me with a lot of my behind-the-scenes work, such as data entry and organization. I’ve never had another mod who specifically helps me with the back end duties before, so that will be awesome. I will need to spend some time training them, but once they are official, that will take some of my workload off and allow me more free time for this blog and personal writing time.
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Fanfic updates you can expect to see soon:
- Reedfilter Rules
- Frayed Knots
- Origin of the Pixies
- Debut of Factor It In, my Kid Math-centric “WordGirl” fanfic (Subtitled “Tales of a third-grade superhero in training”)... Yes I am still in love with this idiot boy, expect lots of doodle pages soon
- The 130 Prompts project is on a slow-burn writing schedule... I’ll write for it when I want to, but I mostly want to focus on Origin and Knots this year.
Further info below the cut. There is more info about non-Fairly OddParents ‘fics in here too (under “non-FOP fanfics”), so if you’re looking forward to Mario World or “WordGirl” ‘fics from me, give this a click so you know what’s coming!
So, what does this update mean for your fanfics?
They’ll be active again soon! I’ve been picking at them behind the scenes, trying to build up a buffer. In an ideal world, I would love to release a new chapter for SOMETHING every Friday. I doubt this will be possible, but it’s something I would love to work towards in the future. Realistically, you can probably expect some kind of fanfic update once every two Fridays (two updates per month).
There might be some Fridays where posting an update is not possible. Instead, I’ll make a post about what progress I made instead. In the past, I often overworked myself to get a chapter out in time for my old deadline. I will not be doing that anymore, but will instead hold myself to a goal of “Make progress on something every week.”
In the best ideal world, I would love to post one FOP fanfic update per week and one non-FOP fanfic update per week. This is not likely to happen for a long, long time, but that would be the dream.
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Here are the things I most likely worked on if there is no fanfic update:
- A fanfic chapter draft that needs more time
- A sideblog profile
- A Toyhouse profile for personal characters
- IRL work or mod work may have kept me busy this week
- Creature-Crossing writing... I will try to prioritize my fanfics more, but my CC writing is still important to me and I will be working on it in a lot of my free time too. At the moment, I have a hard deadline of December 14th that I need to meet if I want to release huge plot drama on the day that it happens in canon. I’ve been building up to this for a long time, so I’m really excited about that.
I currently have summer or autumn 2022 planned as the “finale” for the majority of my plot to explode. I will be hosting a member-run event in Creature-Crossing that will last for two months, so a lot of my time from January until the event’s release will be spent doing event prep. Once the event ends, my story content will mostly be a “return to slice of life.” Stories will be more casual one-offs as characters grow, live their lives, and start their own families. Hitting seasonal deadlines for plot will no longer be so important. I’ll be giving Creature-Crossing work less attention after that, and much more attention to my fanfics.
- I may not have a fanfic chapter out each week, but I WILL post a note every Friday to let you know what I have been doing with my time. You’ll see me around. Feel free to send Asks and talk!
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What non-FOP fanfics would you like to work on?
For literal years, I’ve been claiming I want to post Mario World fanfics. This is still something I want to do. I tag Mario World posts as “mushrooms and more.” I’ve already done a lot of worldbuilding, I have thousands of words of content written for this fandom... I just haven’t posted any of it. I hope to do this soon.
- “WordGirl” fanfics are prioritized over Mario World fanfics. After I finish my first “WordGirl” multi-chapter, I will probably be ready to post my Mario World ‘fics. I may possibly post some Mario World one-shots in between other fanfic updates. Might take another year or more before I touch Mario stuff unless there’s high interest in seeing it sooner?
I also really want to write some WordGirl ‘fics and get more involved with the fandom community. I’ve been building headcanons and lore for this show ever since I was a kid, and I have multiple ‘fics for this fandom that I want to write.
- “AlgoRhythm” is a ‘fic I have already posted on FFN and AO3, about WordGirl introducing Kid Math to the villains in town
- 28 Cities is a ‘fic I started about Rhyme and Reason before they arrived in Fair City. I put it on hiatus since it didn’t seem like anyone was interested, but I’m willing to post more for it if there is interest in it now that years have passed and I’ve gotten more followers who like WordGirl. I have a lot of worldbuilding and plot I never shared for it
- Factor It In is a ‘fic I’ve been working for a while that parallels the official show from the moment Kid Math arrives in town. It focuses on Rex’s struggle to adjust to this world as a child coming into his superpowers for the first time (Y’know, the whole “superheroes don’t have powers when they’re on their home planets” thing), his struggle to adapt to the social world of a non-logical planet, and Becky’s struggle to help him become accustomed to Earth and learn to share it with her as well. If the episode “Kid Math” was a full-length novel about Rex’s arrival and character development, that’s what this story is. This is the highest priority of all my non-FOP ‘fics... I’ve had a cover image made for 6 months and even though I tried setting it aside, I’ve always been super inspired to write for it. If I felt like it would be a good idea to commit to weekly updates alongside my FOP updates, I would, haha.
- I have two one-shot WIPs called “Squishy Feelings” and “A Little Ambiguity”, one of them focusing on Becky and Rex talking about the events of “Rhyme and Reason” and what it means for Rex’s secret identity, and the latter being a future ‘fic showing WordGirl and Kid Math dealing with life 10 to 15 years down the road. I’ll probably post the latter, not sure yet on the former.
- If desired, I may make a WordGirl specific sideblog where I post lore, answer Asks, post character profiles [smaller than my FOP sideblog ones], and mention fanfic updates. If you would be interested in this, feel free to send me an Ask requesting I do this. If there’s not interest, I’ll just keep my WordGirl stuff on the main blog.
- I’d like to get more involved in the WordGirl community, so I’ll probably post more content and reblog more art and headcanons
I also have a handful of miscellaneous ideas I might follow through with. I’d like to write at least one “TUFF Puppy” fanfic so I can say I did. In a perfect world I would like to finish the two “Danny Phantom” and “Bunsen Is a Beast” fanfics I started because... I just kind of want to dip my toe in each of the Hartman shows once since I already went through all the effort of worldbuilding for them to make them canon in a single Hartman show universe. “ChalkZone” is another show I adore and might touch someday (You may recall I have a full outline planned for an FOP/ChalkZone crossover ‘fic called “Dust to Dust”).
Will I write all of these things? Maybe not. I have no idea if I want to spend the next 10+ years writing fanfics, or if I’ll simply be done with all misc. fanfics immediately once I decide to be done with my main ‘fics. I definitely intend to write for a few more years and finish my main ‘fics, but I might not go through with some less popular side ‘fics if life is getting busy for me.
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What is the posting schedule for FOP ‘fics?
Reedfilter Rules, Frayed Knots, Origin of the Pixies, the 130 Prompts project, and “Come What May” are all high priority FOP writings. I will swap between them depending on my mood that week.
Here are some other ‘fics I want to work on.
- If you like, you can send me Asks requesting I work on a specific story above the rest. I will try to prioritize whichever stories interest you guys most.
Snips and Snails is a ‘fic I started and posted the first chapter for years ago. I’m not sure when I will get back to it, as I ran into some writer’s block. It’s still on tentative hiatus for now..... Possibly forever, though I hope it isn’t forever since it’s only supposed to be, like, five more chapters.
Pink and Gray is on official hiatus. I actually have a lot written for it, but I know it’s a little weird to put so much time and energy into Gary and Betty content when... well, let’s be honest: they’re my niche favorites and most of you probably don’t care. So, I am lifting my usual “no spoilers” policy from my Ask Box. If you would like to ask about my Gary and Betty backstory headcanons, feel free. I will tag my replies as “ridwriting spoilers” for anyone who wants to blacklist the tag, and spoilers will be hidden under a Read More line.
I’d like to return to this story someday because there are tons of things I like about it (ranging from Betty’s secret tattoos to Gary’s plot drama with his mom to the background drama between Talon and Anti-Cosmo, but I always feel immense pressure to make it extra cool to make up for the fact these are weird side characters, so... it’s officially at the bottom of the priority pile. Once Talon shows up in Frayed Knots and readers understand who he is and why he exists, I’ll consider coming back to it.
Identity Theft is a story about Foop and his time in the alternate dimension he was flung into following the episode “Playdate of Doom.” To put it short, Foop was abused by alternate versions of his parents in this dimension and he witnessed some pretty intense stuff, including the death of the alt version of himself who existed in that reality. The trauma he experienced resulted in his alternate personality, Hiccup. Foop himself has very few memories of what happened, as Hiccup has all of those memories. This story is canon in my works, and it is regularly referred to during the 130 Prompts as part of Foop’s backstory. It’s my highest priority side story to work on.
Along the Cherry Lane is a 20-chapter work focusing on the lives of the main human cast from age 11 to age 30, with one chapter showing a snippet of their lives each year. You see Timmy raising Tommy and Tammy in this ‘fic, and it ends with them receiving godparents. Since the 130 Prompts don’t give humans much attention, this ‘fic does. You’ll probably see it debut two years from now, closer to when the 130 Prompts is ready to talk more about humans.
If this becomes a popular ‘fic of mine, I’ll probably write a sequel or continue it past Chapter 30 and write about Tammy and Tommy living with fairies, but I won’t if there’s no interest in that.
Little Imperfections is a Pixie AU ‘fic of mine about what life would be like in a universe where the Fairies are even more like insects than I play them as during my main works (where I already play them as semi-similar to insects). In this world, the Head Pixie is a figurehead whose duty is to reproduce for the sake of the colony and do nothing else, and he’s bored out of his mind until he befriends Sanderson, who introduces him to music. It’s extremely self-indulgent and silly because I like Pixies.
Francis is a multi-chapter ‘fic about bully Francis’s life getting yet another fairy godparent in a long string of memory wipes and godparents. It takes place during the canon series, and when you see an “orange fairy” mentioned in some of my writings, it’s usually referring to this fairy. His name is Rover and I occasionally post art of him. I feel like I can’t truly call myself an FOP fanfic writer until I actually write about a godkid and their godparents, haha...
Hawthorn Haven is a side ‘fic that will be posted towards the end of the 130 Prompts, as it veers off from the prompts in its own self-contained multi-chapter story. It will be approximately the length of “Baby, You’re a Rich Man.”
Acacia Arcadia is a far-past ‘fic detailing the fall of the ancient fae, the imprisonment of the nature spirits, the rise and fall of the chimera nation, the fall of the Martian genies, and the early days of the cloudlands. This is close to the bottom of the priority pile... It’s something I spend time on for personal reference to ensure accuracy in my other ‘fics, but it’s probably not what you guys came here to read.
AA has a bunch of characters in it that you might vaguely recognize, such as Ezekiel Whimsifinado, Evadne, Ione, Two Feathers, Rho, and Sablewood (If you’re astute, you might recall cloudland legends and landmarks in modern day that refer back to these characters). There are also a lot of characters who were reincarnated as Anti-Fairies, in accordance to traditional Anti-Fairy beliefs; Foop for example exists as a main character in one of his past lives, and you’ll see a hint dropped about each of his lives in the first chapter of Identity Theft. My tentative plan is to use Foop’s past lives as my central characters, following the events of each part of the timeline until he gets killed and reincarnates at a later point of the timeline.
I also keep some one-shots in a file I call Mixed Nuts and I may possibly post them someday (they’re mostly just one-shots of main cast characters I do to get a feel for their personalities, I have some Wanda and Cupid in here). @zachbrightside and I are also working on a collab ‘fic called Like a House On Fire that shows more of Timmy and Chloe’s lives during Season 10 (especially around the time of “Which Is Wish?”) No news on a release date for that yet.
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As I’ve said before, once all my other FOP works are complete, I will write Devil’s Backbone, which is my far-future ‘fic and the finale of my FOP writing. I do not plan to write any more FOP content after that story is finished, as I expect to have all other FOP projects done by then.
- Devil’s Backbone is a finale 'fic, so all worldbuilding from all stories is fair game to blend together, and it’s highly recommended you read everything else first. This story has been outlined since 2016, and it might not be published for another 10 years... Who knows! But it’s something I always work towards as a concrete endgame goal.
- If something serious comes up in my life and I officially decide I don’t want to write this story, I will post the outline for it. The link to this draft is included with all the other Google Docs links I have in a far-future queued post unveiling my WIPs in case I unexpectedly die and you still want to know how my stories would have gone, so you’ll get access to this story eventually even if I die young. Yes, share access is turned on for them all and I do take extra careful measures to be sure that post doesn’t get posted early skldfj
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What is the plan for the main blog?
Every Friday, I will post either a fanfic chapter or a progress update. You can blacklist the tag “ridlife” if you do not want to see the progress updates on your dashboard. Fanfic updates will not have the “ridlife” tag, so you will not be blocking them.
During the rest of the week, I might post doodles, reblogs, or general comments. Basically... you’ll see the blog become active again. Feel free to send in Asks about my worldbuilding and thoughts on fanfic characters.
@fountainpenguin is my personal blog, so you will see non-fandom things on here sometimes
@riddledeep is my FOP-exclusive sideblog. It contains all my lore notes and goes into a ton of depth, more than my fanfics give in one breath
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What does this mean for the Riddledeep sideblog?
I really want to go back and edit those character profiles that were posted early by mistake. The reason they were queued is because if I turned them into drafts, they would have been buried all the way at the beginning of my draft collection, and I have many, many drafts saved. There are no page numbers to navigate quickly through the draft collection, so I would have to click through each page one by one if I ever wanted to look at them. I hated doing this, which is why I kept my posts queued.
I was regularly updating the queue deadlines, trying to keep things in the order I wanted to post them in, but Tumblr made a change to the way drafts are dated and it kept throwing off my system. My inability to remember when my queued things would post combined with my busy schedule led to some profiles being posted early and incomplete. I want to fix these.
Over a year ago, my good friend Vulpix150 helped me finalize my designs for the Aos Sí and Daoine Sith. I’ve been sitting on that art in secret for a while, and at some point I plan to post it on the sideblog and talk more about that lore.
Updating fanfics is my higher priority (and it was the priority my followers voted for when I asked you to send votes to my Ask Box a while back). So, I will usually spend my free time working on fanfics unless I need a break from them and want to work on sideblog profiles instead. Thank you for your patience!
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TL;DR
I’m posting fanfics again soon. I’m going to take a more relaxed approach to posting them. I’m going to post more of what I want to post and what I feel motivated to post, not always a main ‘fic update. If I’m not “feeling it” when working on a draft, then I’ll set it aside for a while unless I know my followers and readers have high interest in the next chapter of that story. I always write for me first, but if I know there are other people who care a lot about a story, then of course I want to write it for you too!
I’m going to embrace my decade-long love for WordGirl and post more ‘fics and art or this fandom. I’ve always been a little shy about doing this, but I’m ready to make it an official fandom on my main blog (unless there are lots of requests for WordGirl things to be contained in their own sideblog). I will be posting the first chapter for a ‘fic called Factor It In very soon. Love my easily frustrated alien kiddos having a long day.
I am working on Creature-Crossing stuff too, and will be especially busy in November and December. Updates will be slow for a few months, but I hope to find my groove and a good pace soon.
Each Friday, I will post either a fanfic update or a mention of what I am working on. I will be checking in on Tumblr regularly. Feel free to talk! I much prefer you send messages to my Ask Box, not my private messenger, please <3
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Is there a specific story of mine you like and want more updates for?
Asks and reviews help me know which ‘fics people are enjoying. I plan to keep writing ‘fics no matter what, but I definitely give more time to the ‘fics that get more attention (and I have been spending so much time writing for Creature-Crossing because that’s where the attention was coming from)
It’s easy to stay motivated and get the next part of a story out soon if I know that people like it. It’s always harder if you feel like people are silently judging you and ignoring your posts. So, let me know what you’re interested in. And if you only leave Likes or Favorites instead of asks and reviews, that’s okay too! Thank you for interacting anyway and enjoying my work.
Thanks for reading!
#WordGirl#Factor It In#Kid Math#FAIRIES!#ridlife#riddleverse mention#ridwriting#Mushrooms and more#Satirical vocab alien child show#Frayed Knots#130 Prompts#Origin of the Pixies#Pink and Gray#Acacia Arcadia#Devil's Backbone#Hawthorn Haven#Along the Cherry Lane
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You are adrift in a vast ocean of sadness and confusion much as I am, anon. Come, let us hold each other, in the knowledge that perhaps we cannot save each other from drowning, but at least when we complain about how much it sucks, we’ll have the other to nod empathetically and mutter “valid, same” through a mouthful of water.
Nole has been a source of visceral disappointment for me lo these many months. I too unhitched my wagon a few years back -- when the true extent of his bad opinions started to come to light -- and can truthfully say that at this point, I don’t wish him well in his professional endeavors, the way that he is. Being misinformed about food sensitivities is one thing, but being against equal pay? Being an antivaxer?? Being irresponsible with his influence by endangering the health of others??? It isn’t HILARIOUS QUIRKS anymore. Something about this incredibly disgraceful DQ from the US Open feels weightier than mere coincidence, even though 1. he’s physically expressed frustration before without managing to hurt anyone, 2. other players have physically expressed frustration in stormier ways, and 3. his on-court temper isn’t even what I would consider his greatest shortcoming. These points don’t seem to matter, because this DQ incident dovetails so seamlessly with the other genuinely terrible stuff that he’s been doing lately. Accidental though it might have been, it’s shaped like it’s part of a pattern, and that’s so unfortunate. I wish it had felt like the accident it was.
Maybe the sadness you feel is similar to the sadness I feel, anon. I’m sad that he couldn’t be a better person (or, even, a good person). I’m sad that someone who had so many qualities I liked couldn’t remain a source of joy for me! And I’m sad that he seems so resistant to change. Those are some of my feelings and I hope that my rambling has, in whatever small way, been helpful as you navigate this garbage time!
You’re too kind, thank you @magicmaks! I think that I might not be the best person to give any art tips, most of all art tips that help you find a style different from anime (everything I do is so heavily indebted to anime!) but... I support you in this journey. And as David Cage would famously have it, I suppose that anyone who has ever drawn reverse AU Gavin has dabbled in ANIME STYLE CONNOR so we are none of us innocent in this.
I think that for faces, especially, thinking about the proportions of features in relation to one another is really helpful in establishing style. There are TONS of guides and tutorials on this subject and BASICALLY EVERY OTHER SUBJECT that you can find on Instagram and elsewhere, but it can be a bit overwhelming when you’re just trying to settle on one concrete thing that you can do first to develop as an artist! So perhaps what I would find helpful at your moment is to gather some art that you like, and to dissect the features on those faces to see how they measure against one another. If you draw a tight circle around each eye, for example, how many circles of that same size fit between the eyes? What is the ratio of height to width for each eye? What other features on the face seem to have the same length as the nose does?
This doesn’t really give you solid anatomical fundamentals to build the head on top of, which I think is really important too! But the study of anatomy starts from realistic proportions, which might not even be the style that you’re aiming for-- I’d say that identifying the general look you want and setting it as a specific goal (as opposed to something more general like “less anime”) will allow you to adjust as needed when you DO start getting into anatomy. Also HOW COULD I POSSIBLY RECOMMEND STUDYING ANATOMY FIRST WHEN I STILL HAVEN’T EVEN FUCKING DONE IT OH MY GOD I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ART WHY HAVE YOU SENT IN THIS ASK?????
Thank you, Pastor, but what aboUT MY IMMORTAL SOUL????????
*It’s Always Sunny theme starts playing*
“The Gang Explores Incest”
Well, you know, I don’t really incline towards fixed headcanons -- and if I were to search my soul, I’d probably say that I think of Elijah and Gavin not being related in any way much more often than I do -- but this definitely seems like something that Nines would dispassionately try to argue is no deterrent to whatever they have going on, all the while as Gavin freaks out and paces the break room.
“In the absence of any true imbalance of power--” Nines pauses. “Let me rephrase. In the absence of any imbalance of power which the elder family member holds over the younger, I fail to see how figurative kinship could function as an obstacle in this scenario.”
“I’M JUST FUCKING CREEPED OUT,” yells Gavin.
“Ah,” says Nines, “irrational human taboos.”
Later, Gavin barges into Kamski’s Fortress of Solitude unannounced. “YET ANOTHER THING THAT YOU HAVE RUINED FOR ME, MY NEMESIS!” he yells.
“Please get my brother a glass of water, Chloe,” says Elijah.
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*Cracks knuckles* Ow. Let's see, how about: A6, 16. B1, 12. C1, 2, 3, 5, 8. D4. E2, 3, 7. F2, 5, 10, 12 (Sorry, but also not sorry) I6. L1, 2, 4, and 9 :)
hoo boy that took a while
A6) Does your OC tend to assume their interpretation of events and reality is correct, or do they question it? I.e., “I’m sure that’s what you said” versus “It’s possible I misheard you.”
Ah, he questions himself a lot. Maybe he wasn’t listening well enough because he was too distracted by being anxious? Maybe he misinterpreted this event, because his background knowledge on it was lacking, he doesn’t know the full story and opinions from all sides, he’s not sure he can form a well educated opinion on this--
A16) Does your OC have to go through their own trials to learn a lesson, or do they listen and learn from observation and lecture? I.e., does your OC listen when someone tries to tell them the importance of budgeting, or do they have to go experience what happens if you don’t budget first?
Hector needs to do it himself for Science, because how else is he to truly know, if not from his own personal experience? Trusting what people tell you is good and all but gathering data yourself is better.
Unless we’re talking about raider politics, in which case there’s not really a good way for Hector to gather data without seriously endangering him and friends, so he’ll just listen to Gage.
B1) Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it?
Generally, he believes it’s necessary to give people respect before you can expect it in return. He learns that many people do not in fact think the same way. He’ll still want to extend basic courtesy to them even if they’re assholes, unless they disrespect/piss him off to the extremes, or if their actions threaten his position and in turn the well-being of himself and friends.
B12) Your OC orders something to eat and gets their order done in a pretty wrong way, something they can’t just pick off or whatnot to correct, or something major is missing. What do they do?
Have a back and forth about it in his head – ah it’s not so bad it’s still fine, but then again he really wanted it differently… but he doesn’t wanna bother them and be entitled about it, but man… :( Might get close to pointing it out but chances are slim that he’ll actually get someone to correct the order. It’ll be disappointing but he’ll eat it.
C1) Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?
Eeeh, not a super strong one. His baseline are general societal morals and norms, like… help person good, kill person bad. Most of the time he’ll base his actions on what feels right for him and for his friends. He’ll consider: will doing this make me feel bad afterwards? Will it have a negative impact on other people, who don’t deserve it? Is that consequence worth it because it saves my own skin or helps/protects my friends?
C2) Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it?
Bringing back the point about sacrificing for the greater good. He’d consider that the morally right thing to do because it impacts fewer people negatively. But making that sacrifice endangers his friends, whose lives for him personally are worth much more than an abstract crowd of people. So he chooses to not do the thing for the greater good and save his friends instead, and yes, he would feel very bad on the one hand, because oh boy. As far as most people are concerned, he did a horrible terrible thing and was extremely selfish and absolutely chose wrong. But on the plus side, and that’s a very big huge plus- he still has his friends. And still having his friends makes him feel less bad than how he would have felt if he didn’t have his friends anymore.
So uh… yes and no.
C3) Is it important for them to be with people (socially, intimately, whatever) whose major ideological tenets align with their own?
More or less. He can’t hang out well with people he completely disagrees with in every way, of course that’s not going to work. But Hector is… how to say… kinda boring when it comes to ideals and opinions and all that stuff. He just doesn’t have very strong ones in general. Which can make him a little bland and potentially spineless, but also pretty agreeable. As long as they don’t constantly shove their great big opinions in his face, they’ll get along well enough.
C5) Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?
I think I kind of answered this in C2. Basic morals do get thrown out the window if friends are threatened, or if he gets pissed off enough. He’d have to be really pissed off though. As well as being post having-grown-a-spine(-at-least-partially). Hurting people bad but being insufferable to Hector also bad so guess what fucker
C8) Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?
Again a little tricky because I’m having trouble coming up with a scenario that would help me make up my mind with a definite answer. I’m leaning more towards a practical approach 1) because Hector is more of a realist/pessimist in general, 2) he doesn’t want to like… be overly demanding
D4) Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?
The more he thinks about it the more meaningless life seems to get for someone like him. Solution: don’t think about it! Repress that shit because it’s not like you can do anything about it anyway. Also an involuntary solution but one that helps nonetheless: have shit memory so that you don’t feel like you’ve lived too many lifetimes.
If you were to ask him, the answer you get completely depends on the headspace he’s in at the moment. If he’s just vibing, going about his day and things are going well then yeah! Immortality isn’t so bad. If you catch him on an off day, things aren’t going so well, maybe he just thought about having to deal with losing his friends eventually… then you obviously get the opposite answer.
E2) Which of the nine types of intelligence is your OC strongest in? Weakest? (Linguistic, existential, naturalist, et cetera)
I know I talked about this before and I grouped them from strong to medium to weak but I can’t for the life of me find the post anymore (thanks tumblr for your useless garbage search and tagging features). So I can’t even check if I’m still on the same wavelength with past me :v
From strongest to weakest we have…
Logical-mathematical
Spatial
Linguistic
Bodily-kinesthetic
Musical
Naturalist
Interpersonal
Existential
Intrapersonal
E3) How many languages do they speak?
Three… and a half.
The half language being Swiss German, because I don’t know what the fuck it is even after graduating from language uni
The others: Standard German, English, and French, from strongest to weakest.
E7) Are they a good note-taker? Are they a good test-taker? Do exams make them nervous?
Yes, yes, and yes. He’s very good at taking notes considering most of science is documentation. And even now when he’s not doing a lot of Formal Science things, he still writes in his journal almost daily, summing up events and making notes of important things. He gets nervous with tests with all the self doubt if he really prepared well enough and the unpredictability of the questions that will be asked, but once the pen is in his hand, he just blazes through it.
F2) What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it?
Someplace underground, safe and sturdy like a vault. Industrial aesthetic is welcome and he wants to have plenty of space, but it shouldn’t feel huge and empty. Needs to be homey, even if it might feel a little rustic to the average person. Having it built into a mountain would be sick, so he still has the perfect protection from the sun, but he doesn’t have to crawl out of a hole in the ground like some kind of worm – instead he opens the door and gets the most amazing view immediately.
… and I promise, only after writing the above did I remember that he pretty much lives in a mountain already, just a plastic one. Close enough.
F5) How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?
Quite handy indeed. He can fix most things, he usually just needs some time to (re-)familiarize himself with the object and its functions. A lot of it also involves trial and error, but he’ll figure it out eventually.
F10) Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are?
He’d actually be really good at pen/pencil drawing, what with making technical illustrations and blueprints of Science Stuff, but it’s not a skill that’s applied in an artsy setting. When the goal is to draw for the sake of drawing, evoking emotion, or paint with a brush, that’s probably when shit would fall apart. I can’t remember who the artist was, but it reminds me of this little comic about Paladin Danse – in which he’s extremely good at technical drawings but then he attempts to draw a dog and it just looks…wrong.
Now with music, he’s more likely to engage in it in an artful way. He likes to sing, even if he very rarely does it now that he has people around him more often than not. Before, he’d just be alone in his lonely place and sing and scream to his heart’s content, but now he’s too awkward to do it, because someone might hear him. He is pretty good at it though, considering how much alone time he’s had to practice.
F12) Would they enjoy a theme park?
The rides and junk food? Yes absolutely. But the giant crowd and every little consequence it entails, nope, no thank you, he’ll just leave it be.
You bet he’s gonna go on the rides at nuka world though once they got them back up and working, because the crowd isn’t as big as pre-war and he’s the fucking overboss and can skip lines and restrict access to others however he damn pleases.
I6) Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?
He can, but that doesn’t mean he enjoys it. The first month or so at nuka world he almost exclusively lives off of some shitty nutrient bars. In some scenarios, food just exists as sustenance and not as something to be enjoyed.
In a preferable scenario though, it is to be enjoyed. And I think while he would get bored of it after a while, it’d take longer than for the average person. And even then, he’s just happy he can eat something enjoyable at whatever pace he likes instead of having to scarf down Compressed Nutrient
L1) How have your characters changed since you created them?
He stopped existing in a void, which is a pretty damn big change. Now he has a whole world and other characters to interact with, that contribute to shaping and developing his personality.
L2) What do you consider the biggest themes in your character, if any?
Oof, this is hard. Maybe… getting to know yourself? Accepting change, personal growth?
L4) Would you hang out with your OC if you could?
I’m actually not sure sjdfsdnsv
Like yes he is sweet bean who must be protected, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is a weird little old man. I guess if we can just chill listening to music and he can go off about crustaceans or something and we speak The Horrible Language, why the fuck not
L9) How did you come up with your OC?
Masks cool. Me especially like gas masks. Unhinged science characters also cool. Make generic but still sliiiightly unique design and make it a point to not have him be a young pretty boy character despite having immortality. Add lots of weaknesses to compensate for the immortality. Add science personality things and complete the picture with projections of my own personality. Boom, you’ve got yourself the beginnings of a Hector
#hector messerli#i did not proofread please wish me luck from the future#corvidexoskeleton#ask meme#ask#hector ref
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About chapter 183...
Manga spoilers for KnY under the cut, just need to rant for a bit.
And so the time has come for KnY to fall down the rabbit hole so many other shonen series did. And it’s a damn shame. Up until the current arc, while there were a few slip-ups, Kimetsu no Yaiba was an amazing series that had cunning and powerful villains, realistic (within limits of man-eating demons and magical fighting styles) obstacles to overcome, one that paid attention to injuries of its characters and made a great deal about showing us the limits to human power.
HOWEVER
Ever since the Infinity train arc, something has been a little... different. The Infinity train arc was what started the very very annoying trend of downplaying a villain that was accidentally made too strong rather than actually dealing with his power and coming up with clever ways to overcome them. Enmu is estabilished early on as an excellent strategist. He came up with a way to use his blood demon art so subtly not even a demon slayer hashira suspected a thing, he made human lackeys since he knew the slayers would never kill a human and he even fused with the train to be hard to kill. All of this is excellent set-up for what could be an incredibly interesting fight. Except... it was not. Because rather than having to work out his plan, Enmu simply... made a slip of tongue? Let Tanjiro in on his plan? And completely forgot about Nezuko and didn’t notice when the other slayers woke up? A character smart enough to come up with such an amazing and smart plan? Yeah, something is off.
And let me tell you, it did NOT get better overall.
There were minor highlights. The Red-light district arc was beautifully crafted and the fight was won on a relativelly reasonable conditions (except for Uzui being totally overpowered but that’s something less irritating than what they’re doing now). The fight with Hantengu and Gyokko had several Mary-Sue moments but no downplaying on the villains’ side. The Pillar Training arc had no major fight but it was a really good way to show the growth of our characters. Even in the current arc, there were good moments. The fight with Akaza was very satisfying and enjoyable even and the conclusion to it was perfect. Sadly, everything else about this arc is not.
The premise here, again, is outrageously good. Being trapped in the Infinity Fortress with Muzan and all his Upper Moons is a beautiful concept that could’ve made for SO. DAMN. MUCH. of interesting fights, character-building moments and terrifyingly epic power show-downs. And instead, it just rings hollow.
The main issue with this arc is how awfully downplayed Muzan and most of his demons were. The author suddenly decided to ignore a lot of what has been estabilished about Muzan, Nakime and their abilities in particular. Of course, Douma, Kaigaku and Kokushibou also got downplayed horribly but really, what pissed me off the most was Muzan and Nakime suddenly losing or forgetting about their abilities.
Look, I love KnY and I love the good side – or parts of it anyway. Tanjiro is a near perfect character, the first protagonist ever to actually pull me in and get me to cheer for him. Nezuko is, after Makai ouji’s Sitri, first character meant to be cute and actually striking me as such. I even came to like Inosuke to a certain extent. Yushiro and Tamayo were one of my favourites the moment they first walked on screen. The hashiras are a little wacky and I still think some of them are just completely unneccesary or wasted potential and I still find Zenitsu horribly cringy and annoying but if there ever was a series where I wanted the protagonist to achieve their goal, it’s this one. And that’s another reason why I’m so dissatisfied with what I’m getting.
And chapter 183 is exceptionally bad for such a huge multitude of reasons.
First of all, there’s Yushiro making up a plan against Nakime. Nakime, as we’ve been shown multiple times, knows of everything that happens in the Infinity Fortress. She can transfer people she doesn’t even see and she can send multiple people to various locations at once. Yet, Yushiro was somehow able to come up with a plan, share it with Mitsuri and actually go through with it, all without her noticing. At all. Because she suddenly turned blind for that one spot of the Fortress or something. And even if Yushiro used his illussionary ability, he still had to share the plan with Mitsuri. So there should be no way she wasn’t aware.
That’s another thing as well. As far as we are aware, it was Nakime’s job to keep the slayers separated. Again, she knows of everything happening in there. She knew about the other Upper Moons getting to a disadvantage. She knew about them being close to dying. And yet, she did nothing to get them away or to move the slayers out of their presence, she couldn’t move her hand and play a note on her biwa and just send them all anywhere else? Anyone else feeling cheated yet? Well buckle up because it gets even worse.
Because now we get to Muzan. And, yeah, remember the Demon Moons meetings? Remember that he can just snatch anyone’s head off, both lethally and non-lethally? Yeah, good thing you do because he doesn’t! Does this affect only demons? He still could’ve killed Yushiro ON THE SPOT. Does it only affect demons created by him? Still cool, he could’ve snatched Nakime’s head off without killing her and take Yushiro’s seal off her eye. But no, instead he’s not gonna do anything of that. He’s gonna mind-fight Yushiro inside her head and then he’s gonna kill her. And not even immediatelly kill like he killed Mukago or Kamanue or Rokuro, no, he will let her die slowly so Yushiro can keep using her power.
Remember when he pumped his blood into people by shoving a finger or a hand through their head? Well, good thing you do, because, yes you guessed it, HE DOESN’T. He scratched Tanjiro’s eye out and he that’s it. This is the demon who’s supposedly the most powerful demon EVER. And the most damage he’s done so far is scratch Tanjiro’s eye.
Remember when he could grab anyone from anywhere in the Fortress like he did with Wakuraba? Well, he doesn’t remember that either. He doesn’t NEED Nakime to access any place in the Fortress. He can get in and out as he pleases without needing her biwa AT ALL. He has more control over the place than Nakime herself. But guess what, we’re going to ignore all of that because if we actually stuck with the abilities estabilished for him, our heroes might need to think before they act and come up with clever plans and maybe there might even be some ACTUAL loss!
You know, not just a supporting character-type of loss! You know, like a loss of a character we really, whole-heartedly care about! A character we were given enough time to come to like and enjoy and support! A character we saw grow and get developed! How horrible!
Let it be known now that while the Infinity Fortress arc blessed me with countless (actually there’s somewhere below 500, I counted) pictures of my sweetheart Douma and gave me the TamaYushi angst I longed for, I still find it to be the worst arc KnY has had so far.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe all of this is a part of Muzan’s masterplan. Maybe he’s actually far more cunning and terrifying that we thought and we’re yet to see his true potential. But I seriously doubt that.
If anything like this is revealed, if we get to see any sort of reasoning for why nobody seems to have a brain anymore, I will gladly take this rant back and apologize but I kind of don’t feel like that will happen. This whole arc feels incredibly rushed and like the author just wants to be done with this series. It’s no longer the gem it was when it started and you can’t feel the love poured into every frame like it used to be. It’s just meeting the similar end as DGM.
How ironic that when I saw the first episode, my first initial thought was “Oh, this is just DGM for the new generation!” Now it seems KnY will meet the same fate, downplaying its villains, disregarding the rules it estabilished in its own universe, boring its creator and disappointing the more demanding parts of its audience.
To put it as simply as possible, there is no way the Demon Slayer Corps should be getting off this easily and there is no way Muzan and all his demons would be this stupid if they have already survived for long long centuries. Muzan doesn’t need Nakime and he doesn’t need his twelve demon Moons, he did just fine before he got them. So him suddenly forgetting about his powers and options is especially disheartening and irritating. At this point, we can only hope the creator realizes this and makes SOME effort to fix these mistakes otherwise, well, there goes another great series, ruined and corrupted by nothing but the bad writing and the author not knowing how to (or not bothering to, pick your favourite) make smart plans without disregarding their own characters’ abilities and parts of what makes them what they are. Muzan was written as an extremely powerful enemy, a cunning master of all things evil, a nightmare in human (or demon) form, something ancient and terrifying and able to spawn centuries of troubles for everyone around without ever – except for the one time – losing the upper hand. And that one time, he was STILL able to make it out alive and well.
Well, this was one extremely long rant and if you’ve read this far, kudos and a cookie to you. I may be expecting too much of a shonen series but am I really? Is it too much to ask for keeping some damn consistency at least in your characters if you can’t even be bothered to research for your timeline properly? The more I look into the Infinity Fortress arc, the more sudden plotholes and mistakes I find and the sadder it all gets. It’s like the author no longer has the strength to keep up the high quality series they started and if that’s actually the case, maybe a hiatus would be a better option than forcing themselves to continue and possibly ruin their entire franchise with a rushed and plothole-filled event.
On a slightly related note, you know what would be the one thing that would make me drop my jaw to the floor? A plottwist of unseen scale. Something on par with literally everything since the Infinity Train arc being STILL just a dream. Something on par with “Muzan” as he is now being actually the new Upper Five while the real Muzan stands back and enjoys the show. Something on par with this “Muzan” being just an illussion or a projection of something, or someone, who’s been in the Fortress this whole time while the real Muzan heads over to Urokodaki’s place to devour Nezuko. Or something even crazier. If you have any ideas, damn hit me with them, I want to hear all you have to say and feed this little flame of hope that this series is not yet entirely lost!
#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#kimetsu manga#kimetsu no yaiba spoiler#chapter 183 spoilers#infinity fortress spoilers
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Here we are again, at the end of another year of our lives and nearing the beginning of one more. That means it’s time to look back and see how I did with my resolutions from last year. I’ll be honest, it’s not good. I’ll say that right now. This year seemed to kind of get away from me and it doesn’t help that in the last two months of it, I was in a depressive episode. That really put a dent in my goals. Excuses aside, here is how I did during 2019:
Run a 5k
Yeah…this didn’t happen. I started off the year pretty strongly, running on the treadmill a couple times a week. I just stopped at some point. I think I had to miss a couple times and I let that discourage me enough to just give up. I really didn’t exercise much at all in 2019. I tried to get Just Dance and do that regularly, but I just didn’t follow through. I have a fitness-related goal for 2020, but this is a much more realistic one.
Get 100 subscribers
I may not have hit this goal in 2019, but I am proud of the growth my YouTube channel saw. I started the year with 74 subscribers and ended it with 85. That may not seem like a lot, but to me, every new subscriber means so much to me. The fact that anyone watches my videos is amazing to me, so the fact that someone would subscribe to see them all is amazing. Maybe next year with be the year I finally hit that 100 subscriber mark I’ve been after for about 2 years.
Increase watch hours to 400
Just to remind those who aren’t familiar, watch hours are how many hours have been spent watching your videos total. At the end of last year, I was at 195 watch hours. And at the end of this year, I managed a grand total of 112 hours! Hooray! Yeah, so I didn’t do very good in this department. A huge part of that is that comes down to the fact that I haven’t really been making videos for the second half of the year at all. That is due to the aforementioned depressive episode.
Receive 10,000 views on my blog
My goal for 2019 was to go from 3,450 to 10,000. Instead, I regressed back to 2,866. My theory on why I set such a lofty goal is because, at the end of 2018, I got a big boom of search engine and Pinterest referrals. It seemed like things were on the up. And maybe I would have been able to reach such a goal if I actually wrote a good amount of posts in 2019. However, from basically September onward, I didn’t write any posts at all, let alone good, searchable, relevant ones. I think I could have hit that goal if I had been writing.
Complete the Popsugar 2019 Reading Challenge
This resolution might be the closest I came to succeeding all year. Instead of just giving myself a number of books to read all year, I wanted something a little more creative and challenging, so I decided to do a reading challenge. Popsugar does a reading challenge every year. It’s two pages of prompts relating to different aspects of books, from specific words in the title to the art on the cover. There were 40 regular prompts and 10 advanced prompts. I did 35 regular prompts and 0 advanced ones. So all in all, I completed 70% of the whole challenge! I think that’s not bad. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Finding books that fit such random criteria as having a plant in the title or on the cover or set in Scandinavia AND I also thought it sounded interesting and compelling? Not so easy. It led me to reread a lot of books that I knew were short, easy reads that matched a prompt. I don’t want to have to do that again, so 2020 will not be featuring this type of challenge.
Learn sign language
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Onto 2020!
Find a form of exercise that I enjoy doing
This resolution is about as simple as I could make a fitness-related goal. I’m tired of trying to make running more interesting or fun. It’s just not that interesting or fun. Neither is doing different workouts on the ground or mindless cardio. I want to find something I actually look forward to doing and does not feel like a chore to do. There are a million and one ways to get my body moving out there, and I’ve only tried such a small percentage. Things I am going to try first include: Just Dance, Ring Fit Adventure, yoga, and some fitness classes.
Listen to music every single day
This goal might seem lofty since it requires I do something 365 times, but this one is important. Music makes me feel good. It inspires me, energizes me, and makes me want to get things done. The only reason I don’t already listen to it every day is that I know it’ll make me feel this way and my depression brain would rather lay in bed and be sad. If I listen to anything, it’s My Favourite Murder, which is an amazing podcast but hardly does anything to inspire or motivate me. So from now on, I have to listen to at least one song a day. I think I can take 2-5 minutes a day minimum to help with my mental health.
Get 100 subscribers
Yep, we’re doing this one again! I swear, one of these days I will reach 100 subscribers, it’s just taken a couple years longer than I thought it would take. No biggie. 2020 is the year, I can feel it!
Reach 5,000 views on my blog
Last year I really shot for the moon with trying to go from less than 4,000 to 10,000 in just one year. That’s a pretty lofty increase to try to complete. This year I am going to shoot lower and then I might be able to blow the goal out of the water instead of failing again. I know that all I need to create content regularly and the new views will come. For over a year I’ve been getting views on my blog every single day. Not a ton, but its the consistency that is the key. Search engines are working for me. I just need to work for me.
Read 60 new books
As I mentioned in my wrap up from 2019, I have a bad habit of just rereading books in order to reach my reading goals. I choose short, easy reads that don’t really challenge me and definitely don’t give me a new experience. So instead of doing some big list of complicated prompts or just giving myself a number to reach, I just have to read all new books. I can read sequels of books I’ve read before, but not if I’ve read that sequel before. This should be easy for me since I have such a huge to be read list, I just keep ignoring it to meet arbitrary goals.
Those are my 5 new resolutions for 2020! What resolutions do you have for the first year of the new decade? Do you bother to set resolutions anymore? Let me know!
How did I do meeting my goals last year? And what do I have planned for 2020? Here we are again, at the end of another year of our lives and nearing the beginning of one more.
#2019#2020#books#goal digger#goal setting#goals#happy new year#new year#new years resolutions#opinion#personal#recent#resolution
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☆ mga5 auditions ; june 14 ; hanlim multi art school !
— part three; interview
the interview portion of the auditions is something sungwoon is actually looking forward to. talking, especially in front of a camera or a big audience, has never been much of a challenge for him. for the most part, he feels comfortable speaking to a crowd and rarely ever trips over his words (practiced or otherwise) when he feels like he's in his element. getting the opportunity to elaborate on himself and his musical goals definitely qualifies as 'his element' this time around. sungwoon thinks he's in a better place to articulate what he wants out of this whole process than he was previously. if he'd been uncertain about what path to take in the future, he isn't anymore.
the interview is also his one chance to plug empty enigma's new album. it's part of the reason why the rest of the band decided to do the mgas, after all, so sungwoon definitely cannot afford to forget about it. but on a more personal note, this will also be his first time acknowledging his alternate identity and his band as part of him. sure, he listed it on his entry form the same as everyone else, but saying it out loud makes it real and concrete. and to do so in this room makes it a truth he can't run away from. there's no going back after this, and part of him questions if it's the right thing to do. will it do more harm than good? but it's too late for doubts—the information is already in mnet's hands.
when he arrives at the interview area, the staff members quickly touch up the make kenta applied earlier in the day (one of the stylists looks impressed, and sungwoon happily tells her his friend was responsible for his look) and offer him a bottle of water before leading him to a chair. sungwoon polishes off half the bottle and sets it down next to the chair before turning to the interviewer and giving her a thumbs up, indicating he's ready to begin. his posture is relaxed, open, his body language inviting as he looks at the interviewer in anticipation of the questions.
“please go ahead and introduce yourself to the viewers.”
sungwoon blinks, the corners of his mouth curving into a smile. this really feels like deja vu. "yeah, of course." he clears his throat before launching into a standard introduction. "my name is ha sungwoon. i'm a twenty two year old student in my final year at seoul national university." he pauses, momentarily startled by his own words. final year. he's really almost at the end of his academic career here. it's strange to think about, but the interviewer is waiting for him to continue, so he pulls himself out of his thoughts and grins.
"my major is in crop science and biotechnology—i grew up on a farm, so it makes sense for me, even if music is my first love." science is a third love, maybe, but a love nonetheless. "i work as a research assistant in my department, and also part time time at a cute little french bakery in itaewon called eclaire de lune." and finally, the big one. he sucks in a breath and adds, "aside from that, i'm the frontman and keyboardist of a band called empty enigma."
“you were a contestant on the last season of the mgas. what brings you back to the show this year?”
his mouth forms a small 'o' of surprise. sungwoon didn't think people would remember him from his ill-fated stunt in the mgas last year. his tenure on the show loomed large over most of 2018 for sungwoon, but he always thought he failed to make much of an impression on anyone else. "i got eliminated?" he tries, holding back a laugh, then falls silent as he ponders the question. it's not like sungwoon can admit the mgas made him question whether he should be a musician or not, and this is his opportunity to show that he's found his answer—he should be here. he deserves to.
"no, but i really do mean that," sungwoon continues finally. "i got eliminated in episode seven last season. it was a really humbling experience for me.” he doesn’t fight to keep vulnerability out of his voice. doesn’t know if he can, to be honest, when the memory is still a little raw. “i think what i regret the most is that i didn’t get the opportunity to show the full extent of my talents, and i’m hoping to fix that this year.”
"what do you aim to accomplish during season five of the mgas, then?"
“i want to show much i’ve grown as an artist,” sungwoon says honestly. not only vocally, but in other areas of his artistry as well. working on the empty enigma album, writing songs and working with producers pushed his creative skills to their limit. unbeknownst to most of his friends, sungwoon has also been taking dance lessons for the past year, and the thought of performing choreography no longer fills him with dread. the push to develop those skills came from the mgas last year, when he’d been mortified to be the weak link performance wise in every single team he was on. sungwoon didn’t want to care, but he hated not being able to keep up with his teammates. so he learned and he pushed himself to a point where he feels comfortable with choreography now. he doesn’t think he’ll ever be an amazing dancer, but he’s no longer awful. and part of him is excited to show that he can dance.
“and i suppose i want to see how far i can go in this show. i mean, i don’t have any aspirations of winning, but in many ways, this is my last chance to pursue a legitimate career in this industry.” he runs his tongue over his teeth, unsure of whether he should admit to this or not. no one else knows his future goals, not even the people closest to him. “if i don’t get anywhere, i intend to enlist next year after graduation.” the words fall easily from his lips, and he sends a silent sorry to the band for not telling them in advance. “when i say this is my final and only shot—it really is.” and he’s alright with that. sungwoon wishes he could be one of those people who can say they’ll keep pursuing music till the end, but he’s too much of a realist to cling onto a pipe dream past its prime.
"you said you're part of a band called empty enigma. where does the group fit into your goals? what makes you want to pursue the path of an idol instead of continuing onwards with your band?”
sungwoon sits up a little straighter, his hands folded on his lap. “i’ve been part of empty enigma since 2016 and it means the world to me,” he says carefully. “being up on stage as a part of the band… taught me to really love performing, and introduced me to some of the best friends i’ve made in my life.” he counts them out on his fingers. “daniel—he was on the mgas last year with me—woojin, kenta, and minhyun. they’re all auditioning for the show this year since this is something we want to do together.” well, he thinks privately, he’s not totally sure if that’s true. daniel spearheaded the campaign to get them all here, but sungwoon assumes the others agreed because they wanted to give it a try too. “we’ve been through a lot—we just released an album called between fear and faith—and this seems like a natural challenge for us to attempt, especially since daniel and i already participated last year.” he’s proud of himself for the not-so-subtle album plug there.
he hums a little under his breath before continuing. “i don’t think any of us want to be an idol instead of being in a band, you know? but all of my bandmates are talented in their own ways and deserve their own moment to shine. you can’t always share the spotlight equally in a band.” it’s his fault, in large part. sungwoon’s role and alter ego tend to want to dominate their stages. “in an ideal world, we could do both the idol thing and the band thing—or the ‘band as idols’ thing, like n.flying or day6.” sungwoon selfishly hopes they’ll get signed together, if that’s what they want. debut together, because he can’t imagine being separated from empty enigma. “i just know i personally don’t want to be boxed into one catagory, because i and the rest of my bandmates have a lot more to show.”
“have your musical influences changed in any way, or are they still primarily bands? what kind of music would like to make in the future?”
finally, a less weighted question. sungwoon shifts in his seat and rubs his chin in thought. “yeah, of course. i definitely still lean towards nell, royal pirates, jaurim, the koxx, so on as musical inspirations and influences. overseas bands too, like muse and aerosmith.” a chunk of his heart will always belong to the kinds of artists he would listen to late at night during his middle and high school years, tucked under the covers with his discman. “but i’ve diversified in the past year too; i like listening to artists like crush, dean, sik-k, paul kim, bolbbalgan4. some foreign pop artists like lauv, troye sivan, and bazzi as well.” the truth is, his taste has become a lot more eclectic, which makes it more difficult to answer a question like this one. “there are also a few idol groups i like. convex, for one, and also luxe. i dunno.” he lets his hand fall to his sides. “i’d like to make rock music, really, but i’m not opposed to branching out and trying new things.”
“last year you listed nova and sphere as dream companies, but this year you have nova and royal. what changed for you and what didn’t?”
“nova’s the dream company for the rest of my bandmates too,” he admits. “we just feel like our best chances of getting signed would be to a company that isn’t afraid to invest in non-typical artists—and they have nell.” the fanboy in him is still alive and well. “our second choices are all different, though. i put down royal because i do enjoy their releases, and i’m a fan of luxe. i’d love to meet them someday.” sungwoon throws the interviewer a cheeky grin before breaking off and shaking his head. “i couldn’t really tell you what appealed to me about royal this time around. i think i just respect so jisub and wouldn’t mind being a part of his company.”
“thank you for your time.”
“thank you.” sungwoon grabs the half-empty water bottle as he stands and bows to the interviewer and the rest of the staff. “you’ve worked hard!” so has he—though his inability to shut up should probably not be called hard work. massaging his throat with his free hand, sungwoon finishes off the rest of the water and tosses the empty bottle into the recycling bin before moving on to the next part of the audition. he’s almost to the end. well, to the break, but it could for something.
#rkmga5#rkmga5audition3#( c: solo )#danielxrk#rkpwj#rkkenta#rkminhyun#( because mentioned )#( jesus i hate tagging empty enigma individually )#( wc: 1893 )#( i'm SICK )#( this is really rambly i'm so sorry )
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Dudes and dudettes of tumblr (I love that i say this as if anyone actually reads my sad attempt at a blog... hahaha),
I have made my resolution for the year. Since I'm too broken to work (i.e. my body crapped out on me in 2016), I have determined that EVERY DAY i will read for at least 30 mins (which I've been doing with my tea at bedtime to signal my dumbshit body & fuckwit brain that it's time for the sleeps when the tea mug is emptied), I will sketch something every day, and will also work on another creative project (jewelry making, painting, making candles, messing with make up, embroidery, and so on) every day.
Once a month, I will accomplish one step in my mission to spruce up my space (living room, bedroom, or bathroom) to eventually get it the way I want it to be. I say once a month because I'm on disability so money is tight (and i don't mean tight as in super cool, although it is. I mean tight as in I have to make less than $1000 last a month).
These goals may seem silly or insignificant, but I've been kind of stagnant & lazy (and binging WAY too much garbage tv on Netflix & Hulu) since about November. I basically dropped all creative projects and let my physical issues overwhelm me and start to make me feel shitty about myself. And while i may physically feel shitty (which is unavoidable at this point), i don't want to feel mentally & emotionally shitty anymore. I don't like feeling as though i accomplish nothing 90% of my days, you know? So i set these goals so that i can have tangible proof that i accomplished SOMETHING, even if it is something small and seemingly insignificant or pointless.
I'm also tired of being unsatisfied on the whole with my space. I always have plans for decorating or fixing it up, but it seems i don't really take any steps forward on it. So, now's the time.
I am 100% about realistic goals and celebrating even the smallest victories. And even if I fall short (say I manage to sketch every day, but only work on other creative projects a couple times a week), i can still say i did my best. And honestly lately I've been a hypocrite because when my spawn stresses out over school or her grades i always tell her that if she did her best, then no matter what the grade says, she didn't fail. I haven't been holding myself to that standard. Yeah, my best is not anywhere near the same as it was, say... 1.5 yrs ago or even 6 months ago, but i still hold myself to that standard of what my best is and in doing so, I set myself up for failure every single time. So it's time to make realistic goals and celebrate all victories and achievements and stop holding myself to a standard of productivity that I can no longer live up to.
I will post updates here about what I'm reading (or rereading) & creating. The creation stuff will also go on my arts & crafts instagram. I'm starting next month probably because right now I'm down with a chest infection & need to grab a sketchbook since I'm lacking. I guess if anyone reads my drivel & wants the insta handle, let me know.
But I really doubt anyone reads this nonsense.
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In the months since I’ve started watching it, My Hero Academia has quickly become my favorite battle shonen series. It’s not particularly mold-breaking; it uses the same genre tropes as most other series of its ilk. Its main strength is that it brings the genre’s strengths to the forefront, with a supremely likable ensemble cast and exciting battles, while leaving behind many of the genre’s typical weaknesses. One of battle shonen’s greatest struggles has long been how to incorporate its female characters, and My Hero Academia handles the situation with rare grace and aplomb. However, no work of art is free of biases, and while My Hero Academia avoids many issues associated with the genre, there are still many sexist biases deeply encoded in the series.
“Battle shonen” refers to the subgenre of action-driven manga aimed at boys that focus on battles between characters, as the name implies, and are structured around arcs with the series’ overarching goal being only vaguely defined, if at all. They’re dominated by a number of conventions the audience have come to expect, such as a young male protagonist with a core group of friends, a rival, tournament and training arcs, and a series of increasingly powerful villains. Popular battle shonen like Naruto, One Piece, Bleach, and Fairy Tale can run for decades. My Hero Academia is a relatively new entry to the genre, drawing much of its inspiration from Western superhero narratives and synthesizing that with the typical ideas of the genre.
These series have long tended to struggle with what to do with their female characters. They are often introduced early in the series, when the protagonist has yet to set themselves apart from the pack, and become part of the core cast. However, as the male protagonist gets more and more powerful, the girls on their team often lag behind them in ways that the boys don’t. They become relegated to healers or support duties, but rarely get the spotlight in battle. They get designated female enemies to fight against, before they are neatly removed from the conflict. They become damsels for the boys to rescue. On the rare occasions that women are powerful fighters or mentors, they are often sexualized to the point of disrespect.
My Hero Academia neatly sidesteps most of these issues by treating its female characters as interesting, integral members of the ensemble cast. They have varied, likable personalities and appearances, with useful quirks that make them valuable contributors to the team both in and out of battle. No one embodies this more than Ochaco Uraraka, Izuku’s cheerful friend with the ability to make things float. She’s a clear choice for the love interest – a friendly girl-next-door type who meets Izuku by using her quirk to prevent him from tripping and falling on the day of the entrance exam – and he does indeed develop a crush on her. Despite his feelings, friendship defines their relationship, rather than attraction, and they thus far remain close but platonic. His crush on her is so secondary to their camaraderie that it’s easy to forget that it even exists. Such relationships between male and female characters are rare in any genre, but I honestly can’t remember last time I saw it in a battle shonen series; they tend to be mentor-student or focused mainly on romantic feelings. Rather than treating her as a means to an end or an object of Izuku’s affection, mangaka Horikoshi writes Ochaco as a person first, with same amount of interiority and individuality as any of the male characters.
The aniblogger sphere has heaped praise on the episode “Bakugo vs. Uraraka” for its approach to pitting Ochaco against Katsuki Bakugo, Izuku’s longtime rival, and for good reason. Bakugo, whose quirk allows him to combust his sweat made of nitroglycerin, is one of the most powerful and dangerous competitors in their school’s sports festival tournament. Izuku tries to help Ochaco by coming up with a strategy for her to fight him, worried that she’ll be immediately and thoroughly beaten by the volatile Bakugo. She enters the ring with a quavering smile that fails to cover up her nervousness. Once the fight gets going, it becomes clear that she never needed Izuku’s help; she develops her own strategy based around getting Bakugo to blow up the ground and making the rubble float above his head, crashing down at a key moment. She’s a bright girl who has been using her quirk for close to a decade; she is perfectly capable of coming up with her own strategy.
It seems possible that Horikoshi scripted this fight specifically to call out the sexism endemic to the genre. As the fight continues and Ochaco takes explosion after explosion, the onlookers jeer at Bakugo, angry at him for “picking on” her and imploring her to send her out of bounds. Ochaco is cute and harmless-looking, causing them to perceive her as less capable. Their teacher Aizawa jumps onto the mic, calling them out: “Was that a pro saying he’s playing around? How many years have you been a pro? If you’re saying that with a straight face, there’s no point in you watching anymore, so go home! Go home, and look into changing careers! Bakugo is being careful because he’s acknowledged the strength of an opponent who has made it this far. It’s because he’s doing everything he can to win that he can’t go easy on her or let his guard down.” Ochaco may be cute and lacking in raw physical power, but she has made it this far on her own strength; the audience asking him to knock her out because they’re uncomfortable seeing her fighting all-out against a clearly powerful male opponent is selfish and disrespectful, on top of making assumptions and not taking her seriously. Aizawa points out their implicit biases, that they assume she is not a worthy opponent because she is female, and this particular bias rears its ugly head over and over in battle shonen as the female characters are relegated to the sidelines. Even after the fight, their classmates tease Bakugo for looking like a villain beating up on a frail girl – it’s still an uphill battle for female fighters to be taken as seriously as male ones.
It’s not hard to see why the characters would assume girls are weaker; there’s plenty of in-universe evidence to uphold that. Thus far, we’ve only met four female professional heroes: the elderly healer Recovery Girl, Mount Lady, Uwabami, and Midnight, compared to about a dozen male professionals. In the Unforeseen Simulation Joint, not a single villain is female. Even in Class 1-A, under ⅓ of the students are female. In early planning stages, it was only four; two of them, Tohru and Tsuyu, were originally planned to be male. He changed them to make the gender balance more even, but that did not come close to fixing the problem. The rest of the school appears to suffer from the same imbalance. It’s an oft-quoted statistic that men perceive groups as majority-female once more than ⅓ are women, and My Hero Academia perpetuates that issue.
My Hero Academia has a relatively low level of fan service for the genre, especially compared to series like One Piece and Fairy Tail, which delight in regularly displaying the mostly-naked bodies of their female cast. The aforementioned Mount Lady and Midnight are both highly fetishized; Mount Lady, a literal giantess, introduces herself with a coy, “Nice to make your ass-quaintance!” and Midnight bases her whole aesthetic around sadomasochism, with the epithet “The R-Rated Hero” and a flog whip as a weapon. Uwabami makes her much of her living as a TV celebrity and hires her female interns on the basis of their looks. While the students of Hero Academy are quite realistically proportioned, those two are very busty with costumes that highlight their curves. Class A’s Mineta is particularly an affront, so much so that hating him has become a meme on social media. He routinely attempts touch or peep on his classmates without their consent. While the girls may retaliate, especially Tsuyu, these moments are played off as jokes. When he tricks the girls into dressing in cheerleader uniforms, they become angry, but they continue to wear them anyway, to the delight of the boys in the class.
A look through the series’ supplementary material reveals more of Horikoshi’s biases. Each character receives ratings in five different areas, including power, speed, technique, intelligence, and cooperation. Across the board, the girls of Class 1-A have low ratings in power, with an average of only 1.83 out of five, and high ratings in cooperation. While the female cast is truly a delight and I enjoy how they’ve worked together in risky situations, I’d love to see a female character as ornery and temperamental as Bakugo. Instead, this continues to prop up the stereotype that women are naturally better at working together than men, and that they must be sweet and gregarious. In a universe where the majority of people have supernatural powers, there is no reason for a lack of physical strength among the female cast as well. Many of the male characters’ quirks are so powerful we never see them throw a punch, including Todoroki, one of Izuku’s chief rivals. Even if you buy into the idea that women simply lack the physical strength of men, it would be simple for a girl to have a power that strong in combat.
These criticisms are not meant as an indictment of Horikoshi or My Hero Academia; everyone has biases they subconsciously insert into their work. “Bakugo vs. Uraraka” demonstrates a level of awareness that most battle shonen lack in addition to an effort to improve how girls are portrayed in these kinds of stories. Coexisting with the issues discussed above doesn’t make Horikoshi a hypocrite, nor should it necessarily reduce anyone’s enjoyment and excitement all the show’s myriad strengths.
My Hero Academia is a delightful series, and it has merited much of the praise it has received. However, that does not mean it’s immune to criticism or doesn’t have its own unconscious biases encoded in it. Weekly Shonen Jump’s readership is almost at parity; while it may be aimed primarily at boys, its writers and editors should still be aware of the female readers and takes steps toward inclusiveness. My Hero Academia is so close, but we should not simply ignore or excuse its shortcomings.
As someone that hasn’t gotten terribly far into this series (running since 2014), I’m curious what people that have gotten further think.
So far, I’m less forgiving than the author of this piece. Horikoshi created a world where the majority of the overall population have superpowers, but the superhero population is almost entirely male. It’s Deku’s story so obviously he gets the spotlight, but there’s a huge gulf between the male and female supporting cast. When All-Might needed a rescue (against an all-male group of assassins), it was the boy students that rushed to his side. Fukigkage dispatched of Momo (supposedly the top-scoring female student) and Mina with casual ease. There’s regular speeches about things like the “fiery passion of youth” and “fated rivalries” directed just toward the boys. I mean, I’ve seen “battle shounen” treat girls worse, but something so basic shouldn’t get graded on a curve. Does it get better?
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Why Tony Tony Chopper is my Least Favorite Straw Hat
I feel conflicted when I see people list characters from greatest to least favorite. Cut and dry lists in general - whether featuring power levels, most attractive, saddest backstory, etc - tend to elicit this reaction, because they’re so subjective and I think if an author has done a good job then the audience shouldn’t be able to make the list at all.
Which wouldn’t stop people from trying, but still.
Using One Piece as an example, there are certain characters that resonate with me personally, the chief of whom is Nico Robin. I’m a total sucker for the misunderstood badass bookworm - Raven from the original Teen Titans cartoon, Tris Chandler from Tamora Pierce’s works, Roald Dahl’s Matilda, and Thistle from Daughter of the Lilies are just a few examples of this in other media.
But apart from Best Girl Robin, my feelings about the cast of One Piece tends to vary depending on how you define “favorite”. I love Luffy as a main character, but would hate to meet him in real life. I appreciate Zoro’s place in the crew, but find him boring and long wistfully for the days when he was allowed to be a goofball. Nami, Usopp, and Vivi grew on me over time, and if I could graph my feelings on Sanji over the course of the series it would look like I have ventricular tachycardia
And then there’s Chopper.
Just as I’ve liked Robin since her first appearance, I have never liked Chopper. I know typing it is akin to blasphemy amongst the One Piece fandom, but I was left unmoved by his backstory, and he’s never grown on me in the hundreds of chapters since then. The first thing I thought when I first saw his unused concept art was “what a wasted opportunity”.
A lot of this is subjective. I work in health care, so the quack doctor Hiliruk rubs me the wrong way on a purely professional level, which in turn makes it really hard for me to care when he dies. I dislike Chopper’s “mascot” status and how it’s affected his character design. I wish he would do more onscreen doctoring. I find his naivete annoying. I think his post-timeskip transformations look dumb. And so on and so forth, ad nauseum.
At the same time, Nami is never shown drawing maps and I regularly have her in my top 3-4 Straw Hats. Usopp and Luffy are just as stupid, but their antics don’t bother me half as much as Chopper’s do. When I decided to sit down and write about Chopper, I had to figure out what made me less tolerant about him specifically when there are plenty of others who share his same flaws. This is what I came up with.
Want vs Need and Forgotten Development
In his book The Anatomy of Story, John Truby describes the difference between a character’s want versus their need. While written with writing screenplays in mind, many of Truby’s techniques can be used regardless of medium. It’s an excellent tool for would-be writers, and I highly recommend it.
When looking at Chopper through the lens of want and need, it’s pretty easy to see what Oda had in mind.
Chopper wants to become a doctor who can heal any illness, but he needs to reconcile his human and reindeer natures and see himself as a complete person. Ironically, in doing so he willingly becomes the “monster” he was so afraid of.
Since this transformation is for the sake of and with the support of his friends, it’s coded as positive when before it was negative. Chopper is no longer isolated and lonely, but an accepted and important member of an infamous pirate crew. Compare the above to his fight on Fishman Island
So Chopper does have a complete character arc through the first half of the series, and it’s a good one - simultaneously unique to him while bolstering the themes of One Pieces as a whole. Good job, Oda.
At the same time, I think there’s a secondary need that’s overlooked by the narrative, and by this point I doubt will be relevant to the story, and that’s the fact that Chopper needs to grow the fuck up.
To be fair, Chopper is only 15 at the start of the series, had spent the first years of his life as a reindeer and the rest isolated from the world for his own safety. It is understandable that he’d be naive. Dr. Kureha points this out for herself when he first joins the Straw Hat Pirates
What sets Chopper’s immaturity apart from, say, Luffy’s is that it is presented as something that he needs to overcome. This is especially true during the Skyepiea arc.
Remember that early on in the arc Chopper is left alone to guard the Going Merry. Chopper fails, losing quite badly to the Priest with all the strings whose name I can’t remember. Even with Gan Fall’s intervention it was plot armor sheer luck that kept the both of them from being killed.
This loss nicely sets up Chopper’s battle with Gedatsu, which ended with Chopper’s first solo victory of the series.
Chopper screams to the heavens that he’s a “real” pirate, which in context refers to reliable, brave, and strong. Note that this ties into his main need of self-actualization as the chapter before Chopper calls himself a monster just before hitting Gedatsu with his finisher.
In doing so, Oda is effectively saying that Chopper needs to mature before he can become a complete character. In this way Chopper is like Usopp, whose desire to become a brave warrior the sea necessitates that he face his problems head on instead of run from them.
Later during the Davy Fight Back, Chopper is temporarily lost to the Foxy Pirates. He is understandably upset, but he goes overboard with his hysterics, causing Zoro to call him out.
Zoro in essence tells Chopper to man up. Now, masculinity as defined by One Piece is a pretty broad topic, and this isn’t the only time Chopper is told how to act “manly” by other members of the Straw Hat crew, one of the best examples I can think of being Sanji telling Chopper that “a man doesn’t believe a woman’s lies” when Robin tries to leave the crew. In this instance, however, I think “being a man” is interchangeable with “acting like an adult”, specifically in the area of taking responsibility for one’s actions.
So we have the problem of Chopper’s naivete brought up by Kureha, the first steps of maturity seen during Skypiea, and the exposure that Chopper still has a long way to go during the Davy Fight Back. There’s even a moment during Thriller Bark when he has to deal with the realization that one of his idols is an evil dirtbag of Spandam-like proportion - a loss of idealism that most go through as a normal part of growing up.
The development isn’t fast nor especially profound. It’s never the main focus of Chopper’s arc because it’s not his primary need, and in a gag-happy series like One Piece I think Chopper’s childishness would always be the brunt of some sort of joke. But there is a sense of steadily marching forward toward a goal, and if things had kept trending in that direction I think it would have been enough to elevate Chopper from his dubious position as my least favorite Straw Hat.
But immediately after the timeskip we have this abomination of a scene
Words cannot express how much I hate this scene. Every other Straw Hat gets an awesome reintroduction. Nami and Usopp, who along with Chopper make up the so-called “weak trio”, even get to beat the crap out of some of the Fake Hat Pirates.
Chopper mistakes creepy cucumber lady for Robin and runs away crying, undoing hundreds of chapters of development in one fell swoop. It’s stupid on so many levels I can’t even articulate enough to type them all out. The gag falls flat and makes it impossible for me to take him seriously going forward. I will admit that I’ve not done a lot of rereading of recent chapters to double check, but where Usopp and Luffy get plenty of moments post-timeskip to display a new-found maturity while maintaining their fun-loving nature, Chopper does not. He’s the same old Chopper.
I don’t have any way to confirm this, but I think part of this stagnation of character is due to Chopper’s status of cute mascot. To disrupt this status quo is to lessen his marketability. There is a reason why Chopper’s so damn cute when Oda originally wanted him to be kind of ugly. I mean, say what you want about Oda’s use of realistic body proportions, but there was a time when Chopper’s head wasn’t bigger than his torso.
Whether I’m right or not, I don’t think that it can be disputed that Chopper has gone through what I call “forgotten character development”. He’s just as immature (and in some places more so) as he was early in the series, and personally I can’t stand that kind of character.
And again this is a highly subjective thing, but I don’t even think he’s that cute anymore. It’s a serious problem when your mascot ceases to be adorable and has no development to fall back on.
In the larger picture of One Piece, the loss of Chopper’s secondary development is a small thing, but it’s enough for me to not care about him at all. Sanji, for all his polarizing actions, at least makes me feel something. These days Chopper is just...there.
I will admit that I might have let my initial distaste cloud my objectivity, so let me know what you think about Chopper’s development, or if there’s any other character that everyone else seems to like but you can’t stand. I’ll commiserate with the burden of having an unpopular opinion.
#One Piece#Writing#Analysis#Manga#Eiichiro Oda#Chopper#Tony Tony Chopper#Character analysis#Straw Hat Pirates#creative-type analyzes
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A New Years Self-Love Re[v]olution
The start of a new year is often a time in which people reflect on the previous year but also make resolutions for the 365 days that lie ahead. Here WU editors and contributors reflect on where they are in terms of their own self-esteem and self care and state their personal intentions for 2018.
At this juncture, how do you feel about yourself (honestly)?
Proud. When I look back on 2017, I finally worked up the courage to do a lot of things I had been putting off for my entire life. None of it was easy and 2018 looks to be even harder, but still. I gave this year all I had. - Shloka Ananthanarayanan ‘08
Unhappy. I feel like there’s a lot of choices I wish I did or did not make and it’s for some reason easier to continue to examine those choices as the source of all that’s wrong and as a result beat myself as opposed to making a solid plan to course correct. Further, I’m at a point where those around me are settling down and while I am not looking to be coupled/married anytime soon (or perhaps ever), it’s hard not to feel lonely or that I am lacking. Not having a person who is consistently there for me to rely on, even a family member, makes me feel adrift which in turn makes me question my self-worth. -Anon ‘09
Finally feeling like I have direction. When I finished my MFA in 2014, I wasn’t sure how to go about structuring my life around my writing. I’ve had a bunch of different jobs the past three years, from nannying to teaching high school English full-time, and finally this fall I feel like I figured out what jobs allow me the most time/headspace to write. I also finally feel like I know exactly what steps I need to take next to complete my book project… now it’s just a matter of actually doing them in 2018. - E.B. Bartels ‘10
Frustrated. I’ve discovered some of my limits this year and have been trying to streamline my life and commit to less. But I feel professionally and personally frustrated. And it’s difficult to be okay with my life as it is because I experience extreme isolation and am not progressing professionally as I would like. The more I try different things and don’t give up trying to feel better, the more frustrated I feel. And it’s particularly exasperating because I can imagine other people looking at my life and judging how privileged and fortunate I am, which I realize is true at some level but doesn’t help in the daily struggle. -Anon ‘98
Hard to say one word, so I’m going with “Work in progress”. I’m happy with where I am with my work (both paid and unpaid) and feel like I am in a field that matches my passions and challenges me. But I’ve definitely hit a wall this year in terms of my capacity and it’s been hard figuring out how to set up systems to scale back without totally disengaging with my work, communities, and friends. - Fei ‘10
Overall, really good. I feel really thankful for many things that happened in 2017: I met a lot of really amazing, wonderful people; I traveled to many new countries (and even rode a camel!); I tried new foods… I also learned a lot about myself and grew as a person, which is especially important to me. I started a journey I’ve been thinking about for a long time—the journey to become a doctor—and while it’s a hard one, it makes me happy to know that, whatever comes ahead, I will try my hardest to be kind to myself throughout the process. -May Sifuentes ‘09
Unsure. I came into 2017 feeling like I knew what I wanted, what I stood for and where I was going. I feel none of those things anymore. Professionally, I felt like I had to learn to be more guarded, less compassionate, and less empathetic just to survive the environment I was in. But now that I left that place...I always wonder ‘am I just an asshole now?’ 2017 was a big financial adulting year and as I moved into the world from graduate school, I found myself pleasantly surprised that I too could figure things out (be it finding an apartment, building furniture, figuring out how the heck credit cards work, or international travel to somewhere I don’t speak the language). On paper, where I am currently is not bad by any stretch of the imagination-and for now, it’s comfy. But it’s also not where I want my final destination to be and I don’t want to get complacent and stuck. Figuring out how to get where I want to go is daunting. -Anon ‘15
What self-care related commitments did you keep in the last year that you feel particularly good about?
Talking to my friends and going out (even when I didn’t feel like it). My friends were the most important thing about 2017. They gave me great advice, a shoulder to cry on, and helped to celebrate my successes and brush aside my failures. Also, I stayed in more than I went out, and read hundreds of books and watched hundreds of movies and TV shows. And that was pretty damn great too. - Shloka Ananthanarayanan ‘08
Doing more dancing and practice of an art I’ve always wanted to commit more to. -Anon ‘98
I set up a tally system for myself for saying “no” to events/commitments (and rewarded myself when I finally got a whole weekend day without anything scheduled!) and found accountability buddies to keep on track. Making time for rest was hard, but I made sure to get at least one night at home a week. - Fei ‘10
Learning a new skill I wanted to learn for awhile. Also, giving value to my time because it makes it easier for me to prioritize what I really should be doing instead of doing things because I have to. -Anon ‘15
I have gotten better at saying no to things. For so long, I would always say yes to everything everyone asked of me, even if it was something I didn’t really want to do. I’ve gotten better at protecting my time, because I realized that if I don’t make time for my own writing/reading/alone time, I will never recharge and will always feel low-grade lousy about myself and my choices. - E.B. Bartels ‘10
I committed to exercising regularly for my physical and mental health. I started walking several times a week at lunch and going to Pilates classes two times a week. I love it, and it makes me feel so good! Carving out that time is hard with two young kids, but my husband has been really supportive. -Yael D Sherman ‘00
In an effort to avoid burnout in any one thing, I decided last January that I would feel successful if I had done at least one artistic, athletic, or adult thing each day. So I made a Google spreadsheet for each month, and it wound up being a little bullet journal of sorts. Sometimes at 11:30 I would notice I hadn’t done anything that day, so I would hurriedly write a thank-you note or crank out ten push-ups. But hey, all 365 days have at least something! -Jessica Sirizzotti ‘10
I feel especially good about never passing on an opportunity to try new foods, especially tacos, whenever there is a chance. I’m very glad my friends like food as much as I do. -May Sifuentes ‘09
What plans do you have to feel better about or treat yourself better in 2018?
Keep repeating to myself “one day at a time.” I spent all of 2017 stressing about the future (my future, the country’s future, the entire universe’s future). In 2018, I’m going to take each day as it comes and try to remember that things constantly change and evolve, so there’s no sense in pretending I can prepare for every eventuality. - Shloka Ananthanarayanan ‘08
Stop beating myself up so much, to try less hard and just accept myself. To focus more on my needs and my immediate family’s needs instead of depleting my limited resources by putting everyone else first. And to throw all the bad juju in the ocean. -Anon ‘98
I’ve been thinking a lot about self worth and internalizing that I am worthy of love. I don’t know how that will look just yet, but it will probably involve a lot of rereading Brene Brown. - Fei ‘10
“Follow the happy”- do things and be with people that make me happy and (try to) cut the rest out. My foray into adulthood has felt like spending lots of time doing things I don’t want to do around people I don’t actually want to be around. And from 9-5, I can’t really change things, that’s true. But outside of that, I do still have choices about what to do. -Anon ‘15
I want to say yes only to things that I really want to do, stop beating myself up for and feeling guilty about things that no one remembers or thinks about except for me, and try to make more realistic goals for myself. I often set myself up for failure by telling myself I am going to accomplish an unrealistic number of things on my daily to do list, and then, even if I get a bunch of stuff done, I still feel like a failure because I didn’t do everything on my list. I need to stop doing that. - E.B. Bartels ‘10
Let go of my “family peacekeeper” role, especially in non-family dynamics like work. Not everyone has to be friends, and I definitely don’t need to make everyone friends. Also, checklists to help manage ADD “oh no I’m forgetting something” panic. - Jessica Sirizzotti ‘10
I lobbied my mom to gift me a membership to Healthworks in Boston, so I’m super excited about working out as much as I can in 2018. I’ve always wondered if it’s physically possible for me to get a six-pack—because, while I love to work out and playing sports, I also love food, so I guess 2018 is the year we’ll find out. -May Sifuentes ‘09
Have personal goals for 2018 that you’d like to share? Send them to us at [email protected].
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Weekly Update #176 - A Look Back At 2017 & A Look Ahead At 2018
Tomorrow's the last day of 2017. With that in mind I have decided that, rather than postpone it until the 1st or even wait until next Saturday, I will use today's blog post to take a look back at 2017 and give you an idea as to what you can expect from us in 2018.
So, without further ado, let's see what we have managed to accomplish throughout this past year!
Unfortunately, this year, we don't have anything as big as the release of SHINRAI - Broken Beyond Despair to look back on. Nevertheless, there are a number of things I'm rather proud of.
At the beginning of the year, I was mostly working on SHINRAI's sequel, Withering Without Hope, updating the sprites for recurring characters like Raiko, Nobara and Henjin, for example. I generally worked on a lot of basic things in order to lay the foundation for our next game. Like the story and setting, planning the layout of the new location and starting to work on its design. If you have read one of our more recent blog posts, you might already know that the events of WWH will take place at the Ginmaku Movie Theater. I'm planning to finish the first background of the game as soon as possible so that you can have an actual first look at it.
Over the past 1 1/2 months, I've gotten back into WWH again and I'm planning to continue working on it over the next few months as well... as opposed to pushing it aside almost completely like I did around April.
Why did I do that, you might wonder... Well, that's because I wanted to focus solely on GENBA no Kizuna, the other project we are currently working on and which we officially revealed in June along with its main cast.
Up until that point, I had referred to it as our "dinosaur project" and by now, you should know why that is (at least if you've kept up with our blog posts over the last six months).
GENBA takes place at the Kaseki Residence, home of a world-renowned paleontologist. As such, it features a dinosaur-themed interior, but this "dinosaur theme" is also seeping into character designs and other things, similar to how "Halloween" was the theme for BBD.
GENBA is going to be shorter, a bit more fast-paced and more gameplay-oriented than SHINRAI, featuring a lot more interactivity. With the police actively involved in the investigation, the story being told mostly through dialogue, as well as the ability to experience it through the eyes of multiple characters, it will certainly feel rather different from our previous VN.
Nevertheless, it is still a murder mystery and it does actually connect to SHINRAI in very important ways. A topic I've talked about not too long ago.
With our focus mainly lying on GENBA for most of the year, we naturally made quite some progress with it. By creating a whole bunch of assets ranging from backgrounds to sprites and even menus, the game's foundation is laid now as well, to the point that we're getting really close to the release of a first demo!
That's really what most of our energy went into this year. We did pull off a few other things too, though.
For instance, after all this time, we now have our own website, which we launched back in June along with the GENBA announcement. It still requires more work and I really want to finally expand the sections for GENBA and WWH as well as add some other things to it, but that will be one of my goals for early 2018.
Outside of that (after an eternal back and forth), we have also decided to launch a Patreon page, which we did back in September. Through this, we hope to get enough funds together to eventually hire more people for our tiny team. At the moment, however, it's main purpose is to help us with covering the costs of GENBA's soundtrack.
Now, you might wonder, what exactly you'll get in return for supporting us on Patreon. Well, here's a quick list of everything you currently get access to:
- 3 character design sketches for the suspects appearing in GENBA
- design sketches for Kenji and Misaki, 2 of the new characters in WWH
- 3 full-length BGM tracks for GENBA
- a look at the full script of GENBA's prologue
- the first part of WWH's prologue
- a post featuring unused BBD art + talk about visual clues
- higher resolution & alternate versions of seasonal artworks + a whole bunch of WIP-looks
Things patrons can look forward to in the coming weeks: the final suspect character for GENBA, WWH's first BGM track, the second part of its script and more character designs. You'll also be able to decide through a poll who will be featured in February's Valentine's artwork. And, last but not least, early access to our GENBA demo!
Patreon is really about getting to see things way ahead of everyone else and being able to influence the stuff we do by offering suggestions. Patrons will be able to help us prepare the demo for its public release, for example.
Another thing I want to use Patreon for, however, is to post more WIP-stuff and other things I've always been way too shy and embarrassed about to share publicly. One big other thing patrons can look forward to, for example, is a post about our very first VN project which never got released. I will talk a bit more about how we got started and share with you some very old assets to give you an actual look at our early work from way back in 2011.
So yeah, if you're curious about those kinds of things, please consider checking out our Patreon page. Your support would be greatly appreciated!
I'd actually like to take this opportunity to once again thank everyone who has supported us thus far, whether it'd be through Patreon or any other means.
Throughout this year, we had some incredible things happen. From something as simple as getting new reviews on Steam to even receiving fan mail, both digitally as well as physically. It still feels strange and very surreal to think that some people actually enjoyed SHINRAI that much. People have even asked about possible merchandise, which is kind of shocking to me. But I guess that will be something to look into in 2018.
One of the greatest compliments I have received this year, however, is that SHINRAI actually inspired others to go forth and make their own stories. That's quite touching to hear and... I dunno... like I said, it's surreal. Sometimes it's really difficult to believe that this isn't just a dream. Because these are the kinds of things I have dreamed about for the longest time. For a big chunk of my life, actually.
Really, I'm deeply grateful for all the support we have gotten. People going out of their way to leave us a good review or even send us a message simply to show their appreciation... things like that truly make me happy and I couldn't ask for more. And they certainly serve to fuel our passion. I hope that all of you will continue to stick with us until our next projects come out, no matter how long it will take!
Which I guess brings me to the final point: what's in store for 2018?
Well, like I said before, our main focus will lie on finishing that GENBA demo. It was already supposed to be released in late November, which didn't quite work out. And although not much is missing anymore, we didn't make too much progress on it in December. Which is mostly due to the fact that December is always a really busy month. Aside of a lot of RL stuff, we had to take care of the seasonal artworks and... I admittedly decided to rather devote myself to WWH, simply because I was in the right mood for it. And while I plan to continue work on WWH, I will definitely get back to that demo now, too.
When will GENBA be finished in its entirety? That's a good question. To be honest, I was hoping to release it in 2018, but it's always difficult to assess whether or not that will work out. I can't foresee what kind of hurdles we might stumble into or how long exactly certain tasks might take. That said, I still want to make it my goal to finish GENBA in 2018.
Please keep in mind though that whenever I set goals such as this (even the demo release for late November), it's more of a way to motivate myself rather than me making an actual promise. Might sound like a lame excuse, but... I know that, even if I don't manage to make the deadline, I will still do my best to actually meet it, resulting in more progress than I would achieve otherwise.
If I tell myself that releasing GENBA in 2018 is impossible, so I'll just say 2019... I will make a lot less progress on it, because I'll have that "there's still time"-feeling in the back of my mind. That's why I think it's always important to set personal goals and work towards them as hard as you can. Whether or not you actually manage to reach those goals doesn't really matter as much as the amount of progress you have made once their deadline hits.
Of course, those goals should still be somewhat realistic, so that you can actually feel as though they're perfectly possible to reach. There is no point in purposely setting completely unrealistic goals. That might actually be more detrimental to your work ethic than anything else. But finishing GENBA in 2018 seems doable to me, so I do want to work towards that. Just don't be mad at me please if it doesn't work out after all, haha.
Anyway, this is starting to get a tad too long, so I should finally wrap this up. I will talk more specifically about our January goals in next week's blog post. Until then, please take care and have a happy new year!
And once again, from both Natsu and myself: thank you so much for your interest in the things we do!
#shinrai#genba#genba no kizuna#visual novel#visualnovel#interactive fiction#vn#evn#visual novel development#vndev#game development#gamedev#indie#indiedev#Ren'Py#renpy#murder mystery#mystery#detective#detective game#patreon#retrospect
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At some point, every artist will ask themselves whether or not they’re upon the right path. The fork in the road is more confusing than ever. Passion versus possible comfortability. LAN Party is no stranger to such a fork, to such a moment of self-reflection. But it is the truth of art which guided his soul towards the truth: that creation is his salvation.
While the last years may have mirrored a rollercoaster for the Chicago artist, the few pit stops between rides was a wave of creative euphoria no challenge could upset. The free flow of expression and humanistic understanding was at a level nothing else in life could develop. Passion was David against the Goliath of modernity.
And as the story goes, David arose the victor. LAN Party similarly is in a spot of victory. He is set upon the beginnings of a journey with limitless opportunity. A journey where every fork in the road is positive and where decisions made are not with the possibility of a misstep. The future exists on the horizon, and for LAN Party, it is time for the horizon to become foreground.
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Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how have you been lately?
My day is going good! I’ve been working on this song all day and I’m really excited about it. Lately, I’ve been busy with school, but I finally finished yesterday, so my schedule is going to be way freer.
For sure, having that freedom is beautiful. Did you feel a sense of impossibility with music with such a busy schedule?
Not impossible, it’s just harder for me to get into the right headspace when I feel like I have other obligations that I need to take care of. I also make some of the craziest shit at like 4am, so having to go to bed somewhat early was kind of a drag.
During that time of difficulty, did you ever have doubts about your commitment to music or is it something that could never die no matter what came up?
I’m going to school for audio engineering, so my schedule still revolves around music just from the recording perspective. I’ve never had serious doubts because of my school schedule, but when I first got to college, I definitely went through a rough year trying to figure out if the music was worth it or right for me. Eventually, I just experimented enough and found my strengths and what I wanted to do with music.
Absolutely, most creative-minded people have those moments at some point, if not constantly. But, how would you compare where you stand now with music to where you were when you first began? What challenges existed within that transition?
When I first started making beats, I was constantly trying to make stuff that I thought would fit an artist that I had in mind. I felt like I had to stay within certain constraints if I ever wanted it to actually reach an audience. When I started just making music that I would want to listen to, it was so much more rewarding and I realized that people would rather hear your unique perspective, and not necessarily your best imitation of someone else’s. It just took me a lot of time and frustration to come to that realization.
It’s a pretty large epiphany to have as an artist. Do you think part of that initial mindset was due to your influences at the time doing the same for other artists? Or were your influences more full-fledged artists that you were always trying to be more so like?
I think it was more that I felt like I had to be realistic and bend to the artists around me in order to get any kind of audience. So I wasn’t making the stuff that I was super passionate about, I was just trying to make other people happy.
Now that you’re more sure of your artistic, and I’d assume personal self; what would you say is the vision you've centered on with your music and what is it that you value within art?
Shit man, I honestly don’t have an overarching vision of what I want to do with music, I really just make whatever excites me and makes me happy in that specific moment. What I make is usually directly influenced by whatever I’ve been listening to lately or ideas that I think would be fun to try out. So I guess I have short term visions that I try to make happen, but no central focus for my music.
But maybe then the central focus is to always be happy and to combat any and all negativity persuaded by the outside influences of the world?
I would say it’s even simpler than that. It’s more just to make whatever that moment calls for. Whatever I think is “missing” or could be improved upon in music.
What do you feel this moment in music is missing then?
Nobody’s making bopping music anymore. We gotta do something about that.
You mentioned that you also care for music you're currently listening to and what you're currently influenced by. At this moment, what is that, both in and out music? What is it that you're finding to be your artistic motivation?
I’ve been really into Jim-E Stack lately. He has these big, natural drum tones and super sleek 80’s production but you can tell it’s modern, I’ve been using a lot of those elements lately. I think learning more about recording and engineering has also inspired me to record more real instrumentation and not be sloppy with how you record them. Other than that, my friends that I regularly make music with really help me get different perspectives.
Absolutely, your focus in school seems to be teaching you that tightness in sound and work. On the topic of friends in music, how do you find collaboration currently, not in a past sense when it was just beat making for others, to shape how you approach creation?
When I say that making stuff for others was holding me back, I don’t mean that it’s a bad idea to make something with someone in mind, it’s just that I thought that I had to only make stuff for others because I couldn’t do it myself. I think it can be super fun to dip your hand in different genres you don’t normally gravitate towards and try to put your own spin on things. As long as I and the other person have mutual love and understanding of each other’s music it’s super rewarding to work together, even if it’s not my comfort zone.
Now in terms of your work alone currently, how are you approaching your new creations and what changes are you trying to make within your sonics and lyrical qualities?
Lately, I’ve been trying super hard not to commit to one idea for what direction I want the song to go and just letting myself completely change the song if I’m not quite excited enough. It ends up being a super time-consuming process and I have 7 completely different versions of each song I’m working on, but I think it’s the best way to make something super crazy.
Is part of the process for you to attach an aesthetic component to your work? You do fit yourself into a more digital and computer-based visual world, but does that shape the music you make?
I really wish I had a better eye for visual art. I’ve always struggled with picking cover art and trying to represent the music visually so I typically leave that up to other people around me who have a better eye for design. My input is pretty much whether I like it or not.
Interesting, do you feel there is an importance to that aspect of an artist or is that something almost irrelevant and a total afterthought to you?
It depends on the artist. For some people image can be so central that it kind of outshines the actual music and I think there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just not super important to me.
You’ve said a lot that you have this newfound freedom and a lot of new ability with your music. That asks though what goals you are trying to achieve in the coming months and years and what milestones are key for you to hit?
I think right now I just hope to be able to reach a level where I can work with the people who I look up to and am inspired by. A sizeable audience would, of course, be cool too, but it’s less important to me.
Do you think part of your coming goals revolve within the live setting and if so, how do you hope to individualize it to your own artistry?
Live performing is something I’m still very new to. I’ve never played original songs at a show, I’ve just done DJ sets here and there. It’s definitely something I want to work on once I have more time, but right now, I’m focusing on just making more music. I want to make sure I can perform at a level that I’m proud of before I really start doing shows. I don’t want my shows to be me just singing over a backing track, it’s gotta be crazy.
Right right, it has to match the level of energy in the tracks. Do you plan to make it more of a show than just a performance? The idea of adding layers beyond just the songs and making it a full-fledged universe with the work?
Something like that, yeah. I’m not sure what it would look like but I want it to be memorable. I feel like I go to a lot of boring shows.
As a closing idea, what do you want the mark of LAN Party and your art to be in the future when it's all said and done and what do you want it to mean to the larger musical consciousness?
I hope that people think I tried to make something different from what was already out there, whether it be good or bad. I think the biggest contribution you can make is to make something that doesn’t yet exist.
Absolutely, that’s such a beautiful way to look at it. Do you have anyone to shoutout or promote? The floor is yours.
Chase Alex and Silver Sphere are the future of music.
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Listen to LAN Party on Apple Music and Spotify
Follow on Instagram and Twitter
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Words and Interview by Guy Mizrahi
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No Ghost for Halloween? Seven Takeaways from Flyers 4, Maple Leafs 2
I spent Saturday night on the couch under a blanket, with my head pounding and everything seeming foggy as I drifted in and out of consciousness rather than attend a Halloween party.
I can only imagine that’s what Gostisbehere is experiencing right now (minus the chills) after he had to leave the Flyers impressive 4-2 win over the Maple Leafs in Toronto Saturday.
He was a victim of an unnecessary hit by Leafs center Leo Komorov that drove him into the boards face first, resulting in a probable concussion.
It’s the second head injury this month for Gostisbehere, who was in danger of missing the season opener after a similar hit in the Flyers’ final preseason game, but he played and prospect defenseman Sam Morin sat in the press box for the first four games of the season before being sent back to the Phantoms.
With Andrew MacDonald already sidelined for at least a month with a knee injury, the Flyers defense could be in dire straits if Gostisbehere has to miss any extended time.
And since I’m feeling pretty crappy myself, let’s just move on to the takeaways:
1) What’s left of the defense?
O.K. first we have to look at the hit on Gostisbehere and once again shake our heads at the incompetence of the officials:
Shayne Gostisbehere isn't coming back to the game. Upper-body injury. http://pic.twitter.com/aYrbuoeCxA
— Chris Jastrzembski (@CFJastrzembski) October 29, 2017
I mean you can see the referee in the background watching this play happen, and he just turns away and lets the hit go.
Komorov hits Ghost from behind, right between the numbers, and drives him face first into the boards.
That. Is. Illegal.
How there’s no penalty called there is beyond me. I know it’s a fast game and things get missed, but that’s why several years ago, the NHL switched from one referee to two per game, so that things like this don’t get missed, and yet…
Credit to Gostisbehere, who after a minute, got up, made his way to the bench, and on his very next shift made a perfect bank shot pass to Travis Konecny who then made an even better pass to Valtteri Filppula for what would eventually be the game-winning goal:
But a goal for the second unit. Val Filppula with the wrist shot. #Flyers http://pic.twitter.com/ykp4hF5uRw
— Chris Jastrzembski (@CFJastrzembski) October 29, 2017
It was Gostisbehere’s 12th assist of the season, tops among defensemen in the NHL. His 13 points are not only best among league defensemen, but ranks tied for eighth among all players in the NHL.
But back to the hit… We are all assuming it’s a head injury, but the Flyers don’t tell you anything for certain. They keep you guessing and are calling it an upper body injury.
However, if you look at the hit again, there’s a chance this is an arm/shoulder injury as well as his left arm and shoulder really get pinned, and his left arm is crunched against the unforgiving dasher.
And, the fact that he came back onto the ice for another shift might mean it’s not a head injury ��� so we’ll have to wait and see.
But now, the Flyers are down to five defensemen, so someone has to be brought in. But who?
Sam Morin has to be the frontrunner since he was the eighth guy the first four games of the season, but the Flyers may want to opt for more of a puck-mover to replace Gostisbehere.
This is why I suggested Mark Friedman last week when MacDonald went down. He only has two assists so far with the Phantoms, but he’s similar in style to Gostisbehere and could fit that role better than Morin.
Mark Alt is another possibility, he’s gotten off to a solid start for the Phantoms and is more of a tweener because he isn’t an electric skater, but provides offense and uses his size on the defensive end.
T.J. Brennan has NHL experience, but he’s hurt. Anyone else?
@AntSanPhilly what could Mark Streit skating today at Skatezone in #Flyers gear mean? 🤔🤔 http://pic.twitter.com/dDlAmDDN2p
— Pete Mitchell (@CrangesMcB13) October 28, 2017
No. They couldn’t be… could they?
I sent a message yesterday before the game to both Ron Hextall and Streit’s agent Pat Brisson asking about this and neither answered.
I don’t think this is realistic. After not being able to play for the crummy Montreal defense, he was waived, went unclaimed (he was only making $700,000 with the Canadians, so he would have been really cheap as a waiver claim) and then rather than take an assignment to the AHL, agreed with Montreal to have his contract terminated, making him a free agent.
Streit, 39, did go to Pittsburgh to receive his Stanley Cup ring and probably made his way back here since he still has a home in Philadelphia.
It’s more than likely that he just asked the Flyers for permission to use the rink to get a skate in while they were away.
I was also told that Streit is debating between waiting for the phone to ring or calling it a career and getting into coaching – more in a player development role, which he has discussed with at least one team I am aware of (not the Flyers).
So, although the Flyers might be desperate, I don’t think they’re that desperate.
2) The new third line
I’m sorry, but I just can’t call the line of Taylor Leier, Scott Laughton and Michael Raffl the Flyers fourth line anymore.
They play like a prototypical shutdown third line and provide additional offense that you don’t see many fourth lines offering.
Not only that, Laughton and Leier also play together on the penalty kill. So when you see Laughton posting 16 minutes in a game and Leier 13 minutes – as they did last night – while a line of Matt Read, Jori Lehtera and Travis Konecny all had less than nine minutes of ice time, I think it’s safe to say this unit is not a fourth line, no matter what a scout may have told Elliott Friedman of Sportsnet in Canada.
They have been a revelation this season, and arguably the most impressive decision by Dave Hakstol aside from moving Claude Giroux to the wing and promoting Sean Couturier to top line center.
I mean, look at this play:
4th line the best line. http://pic.twitter.com/NFa4A9Be0r
— Chris Jastrzembski (@CFJastrzembski) October 28, 2017
Raffl doesn’t get an assist, but he makes the play happen in the neutral zone. Leier and Laughton do the rest moving the puck nicely and setting up Brandon Manning for the goal. It’s really smart hockey by that trio. Hey speaking of Manning…
3) Man-Dog
Woo is back!
“WOOO” -Man Dog http://pic.twitter.com/2xSk287qII
— Philadelphia Flyers (@NHLFlyers) October 29, 2017
Manning was stylin’ and profilin’ in the locker room because he had a damn good game. Seriously. And not just because he scored a goal either.
Nope, Manning may have played his best game as a Flyer. He also picked up an assist. He played 20 minutes – filling in a lot of shifts with Gostisbehere out, got a couple other good shots on goal, and played physical with three hits.
I normally don’t consider Manning anything more than a 6th/7th defenseman. But, the guy is a hard-worker and it’s nice to see him get rewarded for his effort.
He’s going to be playing under a bigger spotlight if Gostisbehere has to miss any extended time, so things could start getting tougher for him, but for one night, he can strut in that robe proudly. Good game, Man-Dog.
4) Scoreacheck
Jake Voracek finally scored a real goal:
More neutral zone play leads to another #Flyers goal. Voracek with his second of the year and the second in as many games. http://pic.twitter.com/dgStijo0TP
— Chris Jastrzembski (@CFJastrzembski) October 28, 2017
He scored against Ottawa, but that was a pass that ricocheted off a Senator into the net. This time, it was intentional. And it has to be a relief to him.
For all the times Voracek frustrates you with his defensive shortcomings, the guy can flat-out make up for it on the offensive end.
With two more points, he now has 16 this season, putting him third in the NHL behind only the sick duo of Steven Stamkos and Nikita Kucherov in Tampa, who are on a ridiculously torrid pace playing together for the first place Lightning.
Frankly, the entire top line is scoring at will for the Flyers. Couturier’s 13 points is tied for eighth in the league and Giroux’s 12 has him tied for 16th in scoring. That’s 41 points from the line in 11 games. Pretty impressive.
Oh, here’s Giroux’s goal from the game. Check out the pass from Voracek:
G with the snipe, but another deep assist pass from Jake. #Flyers back up 2. http://pic.twitter.com/DnURQVJIHE
— Chris Jastrzembski (@CFJastrzembski) October 29, 2017
5) Look, a good goaltending performance
Credit Brian Elliott for rebounding nicely from his woeful start against Anaheim. He made 28 saves, including this one on Kasperi Kapanen:
Elliott stops Sami Kapanen's son. http://pic.twitter.com/vW1vnr4zjK
— Chris Jastrzembski (@CFJastrzembski) October 29, 2017
The Flyers need more starts like this from Elliott. He has won five of his seven starts, but hasn’t looked good in all of the wins. This one he did, giving up two goals to Nazem Kadri, neither of which were his fault.
It’s going to be important for the goaltending to be reliable for a stretch here if Gostisbehere is going to miss extended time. This was an encouraging first step.
6) Nolan Patrick
Patrick missed his second straight game with an injury. The Flyers won’t call it a concussion. But this was my favorite quote from Patrick when interviewed by NBCSports Philly (that’s still so clunky to say) beat guy John Boruk in Toronto Friday:
“It’s my first time that I’ve ever had any kind of injury like this before,” Patrick said. “It’s a lot of protocol things you have to go through. I think the league is pretty big on that kind of stuff. There’s a few things I got to do first. I’m feeling good though.”
Don’t come down too hard on him, Hexy. He’s only 19. He hasn’t mastered the art of lying about injuries yet. Give him time. It’s O.K. that you still refer to it as an upper body injury. We all know he’s concussed. It’s cool.
This brings me to my final observation (since I was too sick to come up with a good Loose Pucks list:)
7) Shut it down
The Flyers in the third period really put a clamp on their own zone and made life miserable for the Maple Leafs.
They switched their style and went into shutdown mode, which is different than usual, as the Flyers are a team that likes to keep the gas pedal to the floor.
But, playing short a defenseman and against a good offensive team, the Flyers decided to go into a defensive-first system – and it worked.
The Flyers are now 5-0-0 when leading after two periods – and maybe found something that could work for them moving forward if they have a two-goal lead, or better, heading into the final 20 minutes.
No Ghost for Halloween? Seven Takeaways from Flyers 4, Maple Leafs 2 published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv
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Get greener for summer by trying as many of these 17 challenges as you can.
http://styleveryday.com/2017/08/19/get-greener-for-summer-by-trying-as-many-of-these-17-challenges-as-you-can/
Get greener for summer by trying as many of these 17 challenges as you can.
Warning: Acting on these tips may be incredibly fun and result in a cleaner conscience.
By now, even your grandma knows that solar panels can save you money and a bike ride to work is a greener option than a Hummer.
If you really want to help save the planet, then you’re probably hungry for new and creative tips you can actually do to make a real difference.
While many of us may not be ready to turn your home into a zero-waste household that only does laundry once a year, most of us are looking for some pretty awesome life-hacks to do good, all while reducing clutter, saving money, and pushing our families to get a bit more creative.
Sustainability feels more important now than it’s ever been, so we’re getting you these tips with no time to waste.
Image via iStock.
We spoke with Jeff Becerra of Stop Waste, an Oakland-based public agency that makes sustainability easier for residents and businesses and came up with 17 ways you can totally nail going green:
The first five are food-based because that’s one of the largest contributors to waste in the U.S. — over 60 million tons of produce per year — and the rest … well, you’ll see.
1. Organize your refrigerator to ensure perishables get eaten first.
And feel free to use freeze-dried foods for trail snacks, flavor powders, and more. They have a longer shelf-life. If you’ve got the funds to drop a few thousand dollars on a freeze-dryer yourself, go nuts. In the meantime, this option is becoming mainstream enough to be able to pick up at your local grocery store.
2. Freeze overripe fruits and vegetables, leftover meats, and discarded bones for simple, tasty, and nutritious snacks and staples.
Think smoothies, bone and veggie stocks, and frozen veggies as healthy additions to hot meals.
3. Buy fresh ingredients in smaller quantities more often.
Image via iStock.
This way, you waste less and enjoy fresher ingredients.
“A lot of people are shocked when they learn how much food ends up in landfills every year,” says Becerra. “It’s not just the landfills and how those can affect your soil and water. It’s also the methane that organic material releases into the air as it decomposes.”
4. Shop your fridge and cupboards first to avoid buying food you already have on hand.
Also, avoid marketing gimmicks that encourage you to buy more than you need. If you get 10 items for $10 and only eat five before they spoil, that’s $5 wasted.
Image via iStock.
5. Make A Smarter List
Plan ahead for meals, not just individual items you think you’ll need. For example, will you or your family members eat out this week? How many times? What do you need to make the remaining meals, and how much of it? Be realistic. If you’re up for taking the plunge, buy food package-free.
Image via iStock.
6. Take a stand with your takeout.
Some online services like Grubhub, Seamless, or restaurant websites will give you the option to skip the plastic utensils and paper plates, or they leave room for comments or special notes where you can make that request. Also, take note of any eateries that use sustainable packaging.
Green Mountain Energy also offers unique tips on their blog that are pretty innovative.
7. Win with weatherization.
On average, homes that are 10 years or older will have duct leakage of 27% or more. That means you’re likely paying to cool your attic. Sealing your ducts and insulating your home can cut your energy bills by up to 35%.
8. Get your floors green.
We don’t mean paint them (although, feel free, it’s your domicile). Next time you’re considering getting new floors, look for products that use plant-based adhesives and are free of urea-formaldehyde (visible on the ingredient list, takes some practice to say). Sustainable options include cork, bamboo, engineered wood, or other natural materials.
9. Round up binders, scissors, highlighters, crayons and pencils that work, but aren’t needed anymore.
Then, check in with area schools to see if the supplies could be used in the classrooms.
10. Know that your old pen could become art.
The Pen Guy collects ball point pens, dry erase markers, felt tip pens, mechanical pencils and more. Then, the writing instruments are repurposed into recycled pen art.
11. Minimize idling.
It’s equally important to stay green outside of the house, too: when parked, turn off your car if you will be waiting more than 10 seconds, so you aren’t wasting fuel.
Image via iStock
12. Drive nicely.
Aggressive driving, such as speeding up and braking sharply, can burn more gas.
13. Beautify your home with rare, one-of-a-kind, repurposed, and “upcycled” decor.
Keep yourself (or your kids) occupied, teach your students an array of subjects with hands-on activities, or make it a date night: use found, salvaged, and recyclable materials, make something new and beautiful. Creative reuse doesn’t just help the environment, it engages our minds and can even help us connect and collaborate with others.
14. Don’t ditch that dress: donate it.
If you ever wonder, “Who could possibly use this?” the answer is almost always someone. Your old stuff is more valuable than you think. Clothing donations create free or low-cost options for families in need. Even our most tattered belongings can enjoy the glory of a second life as building and manufacturing materials, and more.
15. Set goals and make stepping up your recycling and composting a game.
Image via iStock.
Conscious Carnival has appeared throughout the United States at major music festivals and tours, universities and schools, local fairs and farmers markets, and professional sports events. Take a page out of Conscious Carnival’s book and turn sustainability into a challenge in your homes and workplaces. How quickly do you fill your trash can? Now consider some easy ways to fill it more slowly, and see immediate results.
16. Take a page from “Zero Waste Girl” Lauren Singer, who has filled a small cup with the amount of waste she produced in a year.
And it’s OK to just take one page. Instead of overhauling your entire life and spending it refilling mason jars and making your own soap, maybe start with her small hacks, like declining straws in your drinks and choosing email over paper receipts.
Image via iStock.
17. Track down your local drug-take-back program.
From expired or irrelevant prescriptions to old bottles of the over-the-counter stuff, drugs in landfills can mean trouble for the environment. More cities and towns are instating this program at least once a year, so do some Googling!
Pretty painless, right? Taking on any of the above won’t just feel good, but may even be fun and keep your wallet fatter.
If you like a challenge, we dare you to check one of these items off the list for the next two weeks — but if you end up making one small lifestyle change or trying just one of these on for size this month, you’re still awesome in our eyes. Don’t forget to pass it on: After all, a digital footprint is carbon-free.
Green Mountain Energy is just one company that’s been walking the eco-friendly walk for over 20 years…get familiar with them if you want to take a stroll down greener-living lane.
#17 #Challenges #Greener #Summer
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