#and she cant expect her to behave like she wants all the time bc shes literally a dog | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bookwyrminspiration · 2 years

Note

tam and linh being the opposite of what their outward persona is inside (tam: angsty/surly->an absolute sweetheart; linh: absolute sweetheart-> pessimist?/trying her best) anyways so sophie introduces them into human music (bc they’re yk, Songs) and she expects Tam to like the heavy metal, but no, it’s linh! bc it’s a way to express what she feels/hears on the inside w the constant sound of the water just, screaming at her, and her wanting to scream back but -t1sb (pt1)

(pt2) she cant scream back bc she has to be sweet and calm and quiet or everyone else would be right ab her just being a violent Hydrokinetic who only knows the destruction of water, but she can scream they the harsh lyrics and it brings her a freedom she’s longed for. and then Tam mildly enjoys punk rock, but mainly the soft sweet songs, or the quiet sad songs where he can just sit and reflect and relate and be at peace and relax -t1sb

Oh I love every part of this! Characters who subvert your expectations of who they are and turn out to be both in part what you expected but with quirks opposite how you think they'd behave are so much fun. Tam being so intense becomes his intense compassion, protective streak, and gentleness towards those he's let get close to him. Linh's open and kind nature becomes her motivation for talking back and fighting and levels of destruction no one else is capable of.

I think on top of the heavy metal being a kind of screaming that Linh can do without proving everyone right, without causing destruction by giving into the pull of the water, it could be a sort of distraction. When the water isn't pulling her to flood everything in anger but is just there and won't leave her alone and she's not getting upset over it but really doesn't want to have to fight against it, she turns the volume up and then the call of the water is drowned out by the screaming. She doesn't need to scream along then, just lets it overpower the call until she can't hear it anymore and doesn't have to fight against it.

It's both protection and release, a distraction and an outlet. When she screams the lyrics she's focusing on something entirely different than the commands the water is trying to give her, the ones she wants to give herself over to.

Then Tam!! When you said the quiet sad songs I just started nodding along because you're right! He's so angry and guarded all the time so why would he want to carry that over into his music? He needs a chance to relax, to unwind, to just let himself feel like and feel the quiet without having to put on a mask for anyone else. Because his persona is part of his defense, and he can let that down when listening to music because it's just him. it's quiet and gentle, two things he's missing in his life. And it's an acknowledgement of everything messed up that he's gone through, that it's okay to be sad about it and that's it's an appropriate reaction!

He's on guard like all the time but the soft songs? They're soothing, they help with his anxiety and his worries about everything. Bittersweet, downright sad, hopeful, anything goes. Just the soothing tone is what he's looking for.

These both fit with their characters so well! Absolutely splendid ideas for both of them I am now wondering what kinds of playlists they'd curate.

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #quil's queries #ts1b nonsie #tam song #linh song #my love for them knows no bounds #they are the characters ever #for some reason I keep thinking of agoraphobic (by corpse) when thinking of quiet songs for tam #like I'm not 100% sure about it but my brain keeps going there #so figured I'd mention it :)#long post

22 notes · View notes

curedeity · 2 years

Note

For the bingo game: Hikaru if you haven't done her yet? :)c

Sadie you have given me the greatest gift imagineable. You really just said youre gonna give me everything i could ever want. Buckle up everyone lemme talk about one of my two most hc characters (i actually have an essay in the works about hikaru so i can talk about her for a while)

I think my thoughts about hikaru are pretty well known if youve taken even the slightest glance at my fanfic page. Shes one of my favorite characters, and i think the show and fandom did her dirty.

(Not actually that much of the fandom tbh thats a joke yall are great)

So, metal fusion hikaru. A solid if underutilized character, she has two temporary rivalries and is practically treated as one of the weakest characters on the series (normally around hyoma level but i dont think hyoma ever got wrecked by a no name). Shes used to demonstrate the powers of other bladers by constantly weakening and embarrassing her.

And then she quits battling.

Heres actually where i seem to have a separate take than most of fandom. A lot of people interpret her as having taken on her moms dream of blading and therefore her giving it up is her recognizing her new goals and moving out of her mothers goals.

Other people say she should never have to return to blading bc of trauma (to simplify that interpretation)

I agree with both of these to an extent, but i tend to take a different approach. I think she actually got out from under the expectations of her mother weighing her down all the way back in season 1, where she realized she was battling out of someone elses expectations and not having fun. After that, she proceeds to try (and in my mind succeed) to make beyblade her own joy.

So because of that, i want her to return to blading! Not full time, but i love writing her trying to address her issues and return to just having matches against her friends!

I have a lot of headcanons in regards to that. I innterpret hikaru as avoiding it because of how brutal her last loss was. She thinks that she wont even have a chance to fight, and will be shattered by another loss. She struggles to feel powerful and autonomous. She also is constantly feeling out of place bc she has all these instinct to battle but cant use them.

But she also comes into her own at the wbba and learns to enjoy blading through helping other people. By watching other people have fun, she can also assure herself that the stakes will mever be that high for her again and when she returns she can have fun.

I think iits absolutely sexist of the show to let tsubasa return and not hikaru, and then give tsubasa hikarus rightful job in shogun steel. Im very bitter.

In the terms of dynamics, i love that himaru gets basically adopted by ryo. I wish the show had more scenes of ryo behaving like her father and comforting her rather than hikaru constantly dealing with ryos idiocacy (see @lady-lazagna post about sexism in beyblade for the point about how the female characters are "mothering"). But their bond is very sweet and i think what hikaru needs while trying to deal with her complex feeling about her mom. Ryos a completely different type of parent.

Hikaru and gingka as siblings are also sweet. They have a bit of a rivalry and insult each other and both are a bit dumb (hikaru pretends not to be), but ultimately they care about each ither and are well meaning. I wish hikaru got to actually serve as gingkas rival within show.

And hikaru and madoka. Theyd get along. Theyre both very much moving away from the active blading scene and i think madoka would help hikaru settle into her role, and theyd both understand the others stress. Also theyre just cute and i love them. They should be coworkers.

Anyway i love hearing others interpetations of hikaru, and sadie yknow that yours is one of my favorites. Shes a great character and i wish she got more to do, so ill give her that. Read my hikaru fics on ao3 yall. Thanks again!!!!

#beyblade metal fight #character ask game #yall are so nice today giving me these characters #sadie you enabled me too much #i hope i explained well im so much better at explaining in fic form

6 notes · View notes

fuckingfinwions · 1 year

Note

love that gondolin idea 👀 i cant help thinking about a variation: maeglin sees all this but figures turgon doesnt need a spouse, but idril does bc she has no heirs. sure shell be controlling and awful but that's how relationships are, and he's a gift from her father.

meanwhile turgon also thinks this but for different reasons - maeglin is illegitimate and needs to not produce any more bastards to shame their family. easiest way to fix that? make him marry into the actual royal line and have idril's kids.

idril is not a huge fan of this plan but she does feel the pressure to have heirs, and maeglin is good about doing everything she says without complaint. he just needs to be taught how to behave in noldorin society - or, alternately, just never go anywhere.

I love this idea.

Turgon is thinking through it all so coldly and politically. Maeglin doesn't have a strong claim to the throne but he has some, and Turgon saw the strife between his father and uncle. Better to nip that in the bud. And it doesn't raise the question of do the bastards of bastards count as anything, if instead Maeglin has a very prominent wedding to Idril and all his kids inherit status from her.

Maeglin is going along with it because what else is he going to do? At least he's heard stories of the life he'll be joining when he joins his spouse, whispered tales of Gondolin from Aredhel. He has no idea of the details, but he is in the city he wanted to be in. Other people (like his mother) have had worse marriages.

Idril doesn't want to be tied to someone else's plans and someone else's life. A husband who shared her dreams would be amazing, but if she can't have that Maeglin works pretty well. He knows that his goals and desires aren't as important as hers, and is perfectly complaint with just doing what she tells him to.

I bet Idril would decide Maeglin never has to go anywhere. He can be taught the correct protocols for formal events where the crown princess's husband would be expected to attend, but the rest of the time he'll spend in their wing of the palace. His father was a smith, and that's always an acceptable hobby/skill for a Noldo. Idril finds a private smithy for Maeglin, and tells everyone her husband is so shy, but isn't the necklace he made for her beautiful?

Maeglin learns Idril's rules, and the rules for formal occasions. He doesn't learn how much you should tip at a restaurant, or the appropriate way to haggle, or what parks are more for sports versus quiet reading, because he never gets in those situations. He learns Quenya, so that his wife can tell him about her day in her native language, and so that he can tell the difference between "fuck my tits" and "suck my clit" when said in half-whispered moans. He learns to read tengwar rather than cirth letters so that Idril can leave him notes about what to do that day.

The big question is, what happens when they do produce heirs? Nan Elmoth was isolated enough that Eol could just keep his son from ever talking to strangers, and therefore keep his controlling relationship secret. Idril though will want her children to have the full freedom of Gondolin, and eventually they'll want to know why their dad never leaves the house or talks to their friend's parents.

#gondolin fucking #fucking finwions answers #vague thoughts: Aphrodite/Hephasteus vibes for them

6 notes · View notes

moes-depreposting · 2 years

Text

oh god with every passing day my gen X mither starts to behave like a boomer and in fact for some reason out of the blue she now believes that 5g causes cancer and that the only way to prevent it is by walking barefoot

Also she has recently adopted a more "conservative" way of thinking so yeah I'm glad im leaving soon lol

And since i dont want to put this in the tags, she claims that suicide is caused by the devil so you can imagine how it went the only time i openly talked about my suicidal thoughts

Si instead of being understanding she berated me and insisted that if i killed myself i would burn in hell while I was trying not to cry so hard

Like that wasn't recent but it still bothers me because she herself has admitted to me that she got hospitalized twice because she tried to commit suicide by OD so yeah kinda hypocritical on her behalf

I mean I can kinda co exist w my suicidal thoughts and i mostly ignore them but yknow there are times that somethings trigger me so bad that my immediate reaction is to actively try and commit suicide

And I am afraid of telling these things to a therapist because I do not want to go to a hospital and the thought of it scares me

Like my previous psychologist forced me to present more feminine and wear make up and I stg I spent the whole time I was seeing her in a dissociative state bc I couldn't cope

It just felt like she was forcing me to heal years of trauma in a 45 minute session

Lol one thing jumped to the other anyways one last thing

I kinda realized my mom low key didn't want me to leave bc she is codependent on me for a lot of things like online things like payments and whatnot and refuses to learn oh and she openly told me that she had expected me to stay w her and just work and a hospital and go back home to stay w her

Which is definitely not my plan bc i want to do so many things and though I do feel sad bc im leaving at the same time I am getting the freedom ive been craving for so long

And yeah she guilt tripped me by saying i had everything here and there was no need for me to move out??? Like my sister in christ Ive been craving freedom since I was a kid

I will finally get to live my fantasy of living somewhere far far away from them all and I cant wait

0 notes

dreaminginvelaris · 2 years

Note

hiii random question but do you still hate elain?

hi anon <3

this turned into a rant lmao but i’ve been needing to get this out i think, i’d been thinking a lot about my feelings towards elain for a while now.

i’ve got surprising news for you.

no, i do not hate elain anymore.

idk how it happed tbh. i think it was a discord discussion i had where i honestly just felt bad for elain and how she was and still is being treated.

dont get me wrong, i cant say i like her—not yet at least. but i’ve been sympathizing with her a lot. i dont like the way nesta treats her. i dont like the way azriel treats her. and i dont like the way feyre treats her.

shes not a baby or a fragile little thing. shes a grown female who has shown she wants to do more than what shes just been designated too. but the ppl around her stifle her and tbh im glad rhys called that out to feyre. nesta and azriel need to back the fuck off and let her try to help when she can. not immediately say no as if its their fucking right. i used to think elain was weak for that, for not having a back bone but now im just like how would be able to stand up to them when all her life shes been surrounded by people confining her into a box. it’s honestly infuriating when i think about it.

im still mad at elain for what she did to feyre in acotar. i still believe elain hasnt apologized bc to me an acknowledgment of her past behavior is not an apology. but i can also acknowledge that shes been kind to feyre since and yk isnt a terrible person to her. i would say my stance on elain is pretty neutral now and im just gonna wait until her story gets written to see where i finally stand with her.

i do think she treated nesta horribly when she visited her in the house of wind. expecting nesta to get better in what? 2 weeks? not elains finest moment. do i think elain should have tried harder to help nesta when she was spiraling? absolutely. but i also dont think elain should have forced herself to help someone that didn’t want help, to stay near someone who just constantly throws abusive words at her and belittles her. elain took some space from nesta, rightfully so and i cant blame her for it. especially when nesta just kept claiming elain chose feyre over her like girl please.

i want elain to flourish. i want elain to gain a better personality. i want elain to have a purpose. i want elain to stand up to her overbearing family and friends. i want elain to do better in the way she behaves with her sisters. i want elain to apologize for her misbehaviors of the past. i want elain to find who she rlly is. i want elain to stop using her sisters money to finance herself and earn it instead. feyre has been providing for elain for too long, its time for elain to step back and earn her living, i wholeheartedly believe that adds character to someone. i want elain to have a great story in the end and gods i hope sjm doesn’t just ignore her character development in favor of porn.

elain has the potential to be a great character and i hope sjm displays that.

anyways thats it lol this has turned too long when it was just supposed to be a yes or no answer lmao. im still honestly surprised about my feelings towards elain now but opinions change i guess :)

#elain archeron #elain #elain acotar #elain acosf

10 notes · View notes

vennilavee · 4 years

Text

the soul of a flame - ch 1

the spark

pairing: levi x reader of color

summary: levi follows his squad to a new bar called the silver sapphire and finds you, a pretty girl with a knack for making drinks.

warnings: alcohol, cursing

word count: 2022

a/n: reader is a reader of color because that's how it's going to be. if i feel like i cant relate with some of the fics posted here/ao3 bc of obvious physical attributes assigned to reader, then im sure many others feel the same as well. ENJOY

***

Levi suspects that his squad is getting shitfaced. Again. It’s only the end of a grueling few weeks after they’ve been appointed to his squad and had to go through a stricter, more regimented version of Cadet training.

It was Levi’s version of training.

He had them training from early hours into the heat of the mid afternoon until the sun began to dip into the sky. They never outwardly complained, not to him at least. They knew better.

Levi had granted them an early evening, to which all four of them had been surprised by-

“What? You four earned it,” Levi says with his arms crossed, “Don’t look so surprised. I’m not a tyrant.”

“Of course not, Captain Levi,” Petra chirps, an always sweet smile on her face.

Oluo elbows her, telling her to stop being such a kiss ass and Petra gapes at him.

“Me? Look at your hair! You can’t even pull off bangs the way Captain Levi can,” She scoffs, arms crossed over her chest.

Levi rolls his eyes, not bothering to conceal the fondness he has for his team.

“Get outta here,” He says not unkindly.

He didn’t think they would end up finding their way to a bar for two nights in a row. They’re getting ready for their third night at the same bar and Levi has to know.

What the hell has gotten into his team?

“Which one of you four idiots is gonna tell me where you’ve been sneaking off to?” Levi asks, appearing suddenly in front of Oluo and Gunther.

“We told you Captain! There’s a bar not too far from here,” Eld says enthusiastically, “There’s a rumor that they make their own alcohol with gold there.”

“Right,” Levi scoffs, “That has to be the only reason why you four come back shitfaced every night. Because of gold.”

“Not me, sir!” Petra protests, earning herself a glare from Oluo.

“Who are you lying to, Petra?” Oluo says, “And it’s not gold, Eld. I hear it’s diamonds and rubies. Sapphires, too.”

“How the fuck do you make alcohol out of diamonds, rubies and sapphires? Do you hear yourselves?” Levi says, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“That’s what it tastes like, Levi. That’s what her alcohol tastes like,” Gunther says dreamily.

“So which is it? You like the alcohol or you like her?” Levi says, a faint, uncharacteristic teasing in his tone.

“Doesn’t help that she’s very pretty, sir,” Petra says thoughtfully, tapping her chin.

“I’m sure it doesn’t,” Levi rolls his eyes, turning his back on his team, “Enjoy. You’re expected to be ready for training at dawn.”

“Yes, sir,” They all chorus while saluting.

“Levi,” Gunther says, “You should come later, if you want. Hange and Mike will be coming later.”

“Tch,” Levi waves him off without another word and Gunther shrugs.

He has better things to do than drink shitty alcohol from a shitty bar with his friends and fellow soldiers.

***

It turns out that Levi in fact, does not have better things to do than drink shitty alcohol from a shitty bar with his friends and fellow soldiers. Hange had convinced him to join them. And her version of convincing had been blackmailing him into holding his most favorite tea leaves hostage and loudly telling him that he needed to get out more often otherwise he’d turn shrivel up and turn into a grump-

“If we hurry and go, we can reverse the process before it’s too late.”

Which is how he found himself walking to the bar that Hange coerced him into going to. It’s called the Silver Sapphire, and honestly, he can’t think of a shittier name for a bar. Sapphires aren’t even silver.

Levi hates any amount of attention on him, and the way the bar goes silent for a moment when all eyes land on him makes his skin crawl. He sits at his own table, away from the ruckus of the other squad leaders and his own team as the noise around him resumes. He fully expects his team to see him and surround him soon.

At least none of the shitty kids were here.

“Captain Levi! You caaaame,” Oluo says, as Petra sits across from him.

“Came to see what all the fuss was about,” Levi shrugs, “And Shitty Glasses decided to hold my tea leaves hostage if I didn’t show up.”

“Orrrr Captain Levi wants to see the pretty bartender,” Petra says in a singsong voice, eyeing him curiously.

Levi lets her have her fun. It puts a smile on her face, so he lets her have it.

“Try some of my earthwater, Captain,” Oluo says, pushing his glass towards Levi.

“I’d rather die by the hands of my own blades than drink anything you’ve put your shitty tongue in, Oluo,” Levi says tonelessly, “Earthwater? What the hell is that?”

“The stuff made of diamonds,” Hange appears from around the corner and sits next to Petra, “You were right, Oluo.”

“Hange,” Levi says curtly, crossing his arms over his chest. Hange lets out a peal of delighted laughter at his irritation.

“Shorty’s upset with me because I told him to get out of his office for the first time all week,” Hange whispers to Petra.

Levi rolls his eyes so far back he’s certain he sees his own skull.

Suddenly, Petra elbows Hange, discreetly looking at the bar and whispering to her with a tipsy giggle. Levi hears Gunther and Oluo sigh like lovestruck fools, even Petra and before he can ask them whether they are soldiers of the Survey Corps or whether they’re idiots in high school-

He sees you making your way to them from behind the bar and can kind of understand why they have hearts in their eyes, and why they’re behaving the way that they are. His own throat is a little dry but he clears it subtly, eyes not leaving you.

“Third night, huh? To what do I owe this pleasure?” You murmur, all smiles and warm, dark eyes. You have a notebook and a pen in your hand to take their orders.

Levi is aware of the intensity of his gaze over you. Your dark green silk shirt is neatly tucked into your black pants that hug your hips and your legs. It’s loose and yet sits on your torso like it was made for you. The dark green is a shade or two darker than the Survey Corps capes, but you wear the color much better than anyone in the Corps ever could. Levi catches a glint of gold at the base of your throat attached to a thread of gold wrapping around the column of your neck. The top two buttons of your shirt unbuttoned carelessly, allowing him a peek of your deep skin glowing with the lights of the bar.

He swallows.

“These four idiots have been raving about your drink, what is it dirtwater?” Levi says tonelessly, “Must be pretty shitty if it’s called dirtwater.”

“It’s called earthwater, actually,” You reply easily but Levi catches the bite in your tone, “You should have one. On the house. It’s my own recipe and maybe it’ll loosen the stick up Captain Levi’s ass a little bit.”

His teammates, all traitors apparently, snicker at your comment.

“Fine,” Levi scoffs, “I’ll have your shitty drink. And what happens when I decide that I don’t like it?”

“That won’t happen,” You wave him away with a smirk across your painted lips, “After all. I made it.”

And with that, you saunter away with the rest of their orders and Levi sinks into his seat imperceptibly.

You look over your shoulder and toss him a reckless wink and a rogue smile. It takes a second for Levi to realize that you’re looking in his direction. He turns his gaze away from you, ignoring the heat creeping up in his neck.

***

The minute you see Levi of the Survey Corps walk into your bar, you know you had to see him up close. You’ve only heard stories about him, rumors mostly. That he’s a well oiled Titan killing machine. That he’d climbed the ranks of the Corps quickly, too quickly. You’ve heard that he’s an Underground kid, and that has your interest piqued.

The entire bar goes silent when he pushes the doors open. Clearly, Captain Levi doesn’t just walk into bars very often. Your eyes immediately shift to the rest of the Corps, in a separate corner of the bar.

He looks disinterested as he observes the bar around him. You have an eye on him, as you do with all your new and high profile customers. You notice how he relaxes in his seat, but he has a watchful eye on his surroundings, too.

Maybe it comes from being from the Underground. Always trying to be five steps ahead of any perceived threats. Maybe it comes from his Corps training. Maybe both.

You can’t help your eyes from wandering as you watch him subtly from the bar. He’s handsome, somehow both rough and effortless at the same time. The planes of his face are lined with cues of life and loss and you wonder how close you can get to him to see more.

You prepare five mugs of earthwater, adding a little extra mint to their drinks to spruce it up. You strive to impress, and Captain Levi is no exception. Carrying all five drinks on a tray with one hand, you head back over to their table, ignoring the hollering of your patrons around you. You turn your head towards them while you’re still walking, and flash them a gratuitous wink to quell them. They sigh happily and you roll your eyes fondly.

They’re just drunk and happy.

“I’m back,” You announce, “One earthwater for each of you.”

You hand a mug to each of them, careful not to slosh the liquid over the rim. Levi eyes the mugs impassively- they’re made of shiny brass and have a thin handle on the side. And they’re clean, he realizes as he inspects the mug.

“I’m curious to hear your thoughts, Captain,” You say with a smile, your right hand on the table and your left hand on your hip. You lean on your right hand and Levi tries to ignore the way the collar of your shirt slips to the side, the hollow between your neck and shoulder exposed. He catches the glint of something shiny on your left hand before taking a sip in front of six pairs of waiting eyes.

They all lean in close to hear the verdict.

“It’s not shitty,” Levi says, pleasantly surprised. Not that you’d be able to tell. It’s a little sweet but not overwhelmingly so. He can taste richness in the aftertaste of the drink and the combination of it with mint is unlike anything he’s ever tasted. What exactly is in this drink? No wonder Oluo says it’s filled with diamonds and sapphires.

“Ha! I’ll take it,” You say triumphantly, “Well, enjoy. You know where to find me.”

Your dark eyes linger on Levi for a second longer, searching for the hidden roughness that only an Underground kid can have. But he’s no kid, and he hides it well.

So do you.

Levi is no stranger to pretty women, and he knows beauty when he sees it. At first glance, you look like you’ve been born and raised inside of Wall Rose. Your brown skin glows despite the absence of sun, you smile so boldly that your cheeks must hurt, your eyes are mischievous.

And yet. It only takes one sweeping glance at you, at your confidence and the twinkle in his eyes for Levi to see how much of yourself you’ve given to be here. To have something called your own. Your hands were rough when you had handed him his mug and he saw faint, old scars on your forehead and your neck when you had leaned in.

He can admire from afar, can’t he? No harm, no foul. It’s not like he’ll be coming back here anyway, right? He’ll probably be dead before he can.

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi x you #levi ackerman x you #aot imagines #snk imagines

120 notes · View notes

jungxk · 3 years

Note

// rant

i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.

my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.

nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?

nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?

this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.

at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.

last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.

it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.

sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj

i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x

#answered

5 notes · View notes

bowlegsandgrace · 3 years

Text

Is disheartening (although expected) that once again I need help and once again my so called friends and family wont help me

Im moving and for the first time I decided that instead of relying on the help of others who SAID they would help and not showing up, Im just going to hire help to move the big pieces.

It is infuriating giving so much of myself to others and yet when I need something they behave as if its such a burden. Why did I spend 4 months giving a coworker a ride home several times a week (with no compensation) even though she got out later than me and lived 20+ mins past my town thinking we were friends but now that we no longer work together and she has a car she doesnt actually want to be friends?? Why do I babysit my cousin for free when his parents cant be bothered to give me the help I want and instead try to force their ideas onto me?

And its not like I ask for too much help. I dont reach out a lot and when i do its simple things. Print off this paper for me, pick me up from the mechanic (in their town) and drive me home (10 mins away), sit on the couch and talk to me to keep me focused while I clean and pack.

Sometimes I dont even ask for help and people (usually men) force their shitty help on me anyways (bc they dont listen to what the actual problem is and what I actually need) and dont even fix the problem. I tried to fix my car ignition and my coworker interrupted me and insisted on fixing it himself. My ignition still doesnt work properly bc he didnt didnt re-install it right. I had to fight him not to go buy a new part bc the part he wanted to replace was $100 and wasnt the faulty part anyways.

Hell I once spent all day at a “friend’s” house bc she had broken up with her bf (again). This girl did not feed me and didnt want me to go home to eat and come back. So I ordered pizza for the 2 of us. Tell me how when it arrived her family ate most of it and left me 1 slice. When I complained I was told how rude it was to order food to other people’s house. Thats the thanks I get for dealing with your dramatic bullshit?

Needless to say Im not asking for help this time bc I know what the response will be. And yet everyone thinks its absurd for me to overlap my new lease with my current one to give me enough time to move everything by myself without losing my shit. ....are yall serious?? They think I should instead drop a few grand to hire movers to do everything. Next time I move there’s a good chance it’ll be to where I dont know anyone bc if I have to live without a support system then I may as well actually live without a support system.

#Musings #Ramblings #Neg

1 note · View note

mieczyhale · 5 years

Text

today from the talking trash can:: why didn’t reginald give klaus the power-suppressing medicine

( @hellomyguru )

so i saw a post about this, pointing out the fact that reggie had the medicine - he had it on hand - he knew it worked because vanya was officially “normal” - but even when klaus started experimenting with drugs, even when that started spiraling out of control, he didn’t give any to him. that medicine is the one and only thing he could’ve done for klaus that would’ve been considered good, it was the one thing that could’ve changed the entire path of klaus’s life, and he just… didnt fucking give it to him. didnt try it. didnt bring it up. didnt even think about it?? mmm maybe. on one hand i can believe he wouldn��t have ever considered it because.. well… when has he ever thought about doing something to truly benefit the children?? for real. but on the other hand i’m more on the hill of “reginald absolutely did think about giving klaus the same medicine he gave vanya, at least a partial dose if not a full one, but he decided against it”

why’d he decide against it?? besides the fact that he’s a fucking bastard??

he decided against it because the situations were different

he decided against it because he couldn’t benefit from klaus being drugged

he decided against it because the only one who would benefit from it was klaus himself and reginald didn’t give a fuck because it didnt affect him (outside of making training klaus a huge pain) so what the boy was scared?? it couldn’t be that bad and he’d get over it eventually and then, if his assumptions about klaus’s potential were right, the academy would have advantages no one could’ve ever imagined. he would be useful at the end of the world. and that is, was, and always will be more important than the human behind the powers right??

so like… okay

vanya was put on meds because she was dangerous, she was a threat, he needed to make sure he could control her. her being drugged benefited him, no matter how pissed he probably was that one of the kids had a power so strong he had to basically “remove it” which made it useless, made her useless. but.. at least she was quiet, well behaved, no longer a threat

klaus had potential, lots of it in fact, but at no point is it shown that reggie (or anyone tbh) considered him dangerous. what threat can talking to the dead possibly pose?? so him being drugged?? there’s no benefit there. reginald wanted klaus to grow his powers, to use them, bad enough that he was perfectly chill with breaking a child. if klaus went on the medicine all that potential was wasted. he would be useless. and why make your team lose an asset if you dont have to? plus i think he held out hope that if he just kept pressing and forcing klaus to face his powers he’d eventually get the results he wanted. he didnt start losing hope until the drugs started and it wasnt until one mausoleum visit, where klaus had managed to sneak some weed in with him and was completely unphased when reginald released him the next morning, that he then finally gave up on klaus.

this is?? the hottest of messes because i keep losing my train of thought as i’m typing but to try and uhhh make it make sense:: he didnt give him the medicine early on because there was still hope and he could still potentially benefit from klaus’s powers

he didnt give him the medicine when the drugs started because weed was just weed, its not addictive, and he cant be on it all the time right? so there was still a chance of getting through to klaus and benefiting

and then klaus was..13/14 and far gone enough that reginald had stopped his training, banned him from missions, and given up on him entirely. he wasnt worth the wasted time and effort. and well.. the kids already on street drugs, that he theorized acted the same way vanya’s medicine did though he’d never know for sure, so giving him an actual medication was pointless. and trying to get klaus off of drugs in order to give him medication?? ridiculous. too much work. more effort than number four was ever going to be worth.

SO WHAT IM SAYING IS

reginald is a piece of shit who cared more about power and control than he did about keeping one of his kids from ending up dead in an alley - he could have given klaus the meds when the ghosts clearly became too much, he could have given them to him at any time, and he just.. didnt. bitch knew what he was doing, like im pretty sure he had some idea of how bad things could get if klaus really never got a hold of his powers, but that changed nothing bc he gives no fucks and i hate him and now im extra fucking mad about this topic and im probably gonna keep fuming about it for the rest of the night so Fan.Tas.Tic.

this is, of course, just my take - my rambling nonsense - who the fuck knows anything ever for real

(oh and extra hc?? that’s fully how reggie expected klaus to end up - dead somewhere - within months of leaving the academy, though he never tried to find out what happened for sure. he expected it and he felt nothing but disgust and ;sd;fsdk yeah, shit and stuff, klaus was his greatest disappointment after all. why fucking bother having some heart right??

reginald hargreeves deserved to die 2k19

#hellomyguru #tinysquidrachel #mytuaposts #klaus hargreeves

5 notes · View notes

tangyss · 6 years

Note

have any headcanons for lance?

OH MAN DO I HAVE LANCE HEADCANONS!!! here are some soft, kind of random ones just for u

lance would be that one human that literally all animals love. he’s like a capybara. no matter how dangerous the animal, they all feel really safe and chill around him and just.. stroll up to him and sit on his lap or smth lol, and at this point lance is just like “cool” and scratches the back of their head or runs his fingers through their fur

lance had gotten into the habit of buying treats for animals he finds on the street. he has a whole selection and has looked into what animals are allowed to eat what

he gets a little homesick seeing the empty packet of cat treats in his pocket, and he hopes tiffany the stray cat and her kittens are doing okay without his daily visits

he loves animals too.. after working on the farm, he’s found animals so calming to be around and watching all the different ways animals behave

this also goes with spiders as well… like he was fucking Terrified of them as a kid but that fear left when he needed revenege on his sister for doing the whole “water bucket on the door” prank and surprisingly, chasing after her while she screamed and sprinted in the opposite direction while a spider chilled in his palm made him feel a lot better about them

in space it still happens!!! he’s a little surprised at first when twenty bat like creature start hanging from different parts of his armour, but he goes along with it like “alright so this is still a thing” and enjoys the little coos and hums they make when he walks along

one day the team is trying to make their way through a cave system, but they get stopped by a tiny dragon (tiny like. bigger than a house but smaller than a voltron lion) and this dragon is MAD and STRONG and tbh they’re considering just bolting so that they dont get any more serious injuries than the bad burns and cuts they’ve gotten.

lance is lagging behind due to sniping a few galra sentries that were following them, yet as soon as he arrives, the dragon kind of stops and looks at lance

and everyone is like “oh shit this cant be good”

but the dragon sort of tucks its wings away and shuffles over to lance and plonks its head down right in front of him and stares at him with expectant amber eyes

its really silent for a moment before lance carefully reaches a hand out to touch the dragon’s snout and just runs his fingers along the scales, his skin tingling as he feels the hot breath from the dragon’s nose through his armour

the dragon just. falls alseep.

lance looks up at the team with a smile and says “alright lets go” and continues on with the rumbling snores of the dragon echoing down the cave’s passages way, and the team staring after him like he was a god lol

lance didn’t think it was a big deal. it’s what his cousin’s snake liked, so he thought a dragon would appreciate the same

(hunk is laughing his head off at their reactions bc he’s seen this happen a hundred times before)

(allura and coran are even more fascinated with humans)

on the topics of animals…. if you asked him if he was a cat or dog person he’d probably just break down into tears because “you cant make me PICK between a CAT or a DOG, HUNK!!! I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH!!!! THEY DESERVE ALL THE LOVE I CAN GIVE THEM!!”

just because he pilots a big robot cat doesn’t mean his day isnt made whenever he see a dog run up to him with its tongue hanging out and its tail wagging so fast its just a blur

like,, obviously i have to talk about cuddly lance because this is the inspiration behind my url… my branding…..because IN MY HEART HE IS THE CUDDLIEST PERSON EVER. he loves giving hugs to people!!! it honestly makes his day getting to pull someone he loves in close and squeezing them with all the strenght he’s got

his heart SOARS when the person he’s hugging is laughing because he can feel it rumble in their chest and bubble out through their mouth by their ear and he’s like!!!! i made someone do that :D!!!!

u can’t convince me that lance wouldn’t be the type of person who after talking to someone one time, he’s throwing his arms out wide and then tugging them into his arms the next time he meets them, like they’re an old friend

it surprises a lot of people, but after a while (and if they’re comfortable with it) people are throwing their arms just as wide and being as excited as lance is when they hug him back

he definitely always makes the little squeaky toy noise every time he gets hugged. that’s canon and it shouldn’t be ignored.

ALSO u might look at lance’s shoulders and be like “hmm they look strong and broad” and like duh ofc but IT’S A BARGAIN BECAUSE HIS SHOULDERS ARE SUPER COMFY TO REST UR HEAD ON!!! they’re like pillows!!!!!! watching movies with lance is honestly the best thing ever because u just rest ur head down and suddenly it’s like ur resting ur head against a cloud,, no matter what angle, it’s perfect, it’s like he’s a big teddy bear with no bones and lance has had his nephews and nieces fall asleep on his shoulders so many times he’s unphased by drool now lol

lance’s broad shoulders being soft like pillows is the best okay

keith thought that he’d hate movie dates with lance, mainly bc he’s got a lot of energy and isn’t too big on sitting in the same spot for a few hours just staring at a screen, but after one stress filled day that needed a relaxing popcorn, chick flick and cuddles evening, keith discovered the absolute bliss that is lance’s shoulders and tries to find as many movies as possible as an excuse the cuddle up to lance and take naps on his shoulder isuhgsidug

this one kind of goes without saying and it’s basically canon at this point but lance is 100% photogenic in every picture ever and he can put on any piece of clothing. literally ANYTHING. and he’d look absolutely fantastic,, vogue is shaking!!!!!

idk why but i can see lance being amazing at trampoline flips and shit?? like his mum would just look out the window to check on him and nearly faint at the sight of her 8 son lance doing some fuckin olympic level backflips in mid air and basically shooting off into the sky like a gd rocket hdiusghs

he calms down when he’s older tho because he doesn’t want to break through the trampoline, but he’s really elegant in the way he jumps and spins

he only started jumping when he first decided he wanted to go to the garrison/go to space, and he wanted to see what it was like being off the ground

lance’s mom when he was 8: be careful lance! if you keep jumping so high, you’ll end up in space!

lance, now floating in the middle of space as a paladin of voltron: mom warned me about this

sorry for the long post i just love lance lol

#THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG IM SORRY DSIGUHSIGUS #but yahhh here u go!! thanks for the ask my buddy my pal my bro my girl #isdughsiud these are really dumb i hope u like them anyway tho #i havent proof read this either so sorry for any typos lol #lance #lance voltron #voltron #voltron legendary defender #i love lance.txt #long post//#anons #asks

151 notes · View notes

bumblegem · 7 years

Text

i dont think i really covered how amelia sorta. fell into beatrice’s and marion’s care, ive touched on her situation being Bad and that she was older when adopted. so like, even tho micha was adopted first, i see him being adopted as an infant vs mel being adopted when shes almost 5. so like. to touch on that really quick?

edit: i said quick but this got. really long. heres an early tl;dr since this gets lengthy oops: a 4 yr old mel poisons herself twice, once on accident and once on purpose, bc she’s a very unhappy kid and her doctor-soon-to-be-mom was the only adult that’d had the patience and caring to even attempt understanding her.

essentially, when amelia was 4 she was in foster care that part has already been discussed before. at this point she’d been seperated from al for a little over a year, and she didnt know where he was or that he’d already been adopted out. she was old enough to remember him, and she was suffering extreme stress for a tiny body and couldnt properly process all of the emotions she was feeling and it resulted in her being a very very angry child who was often getting written off as poorly behaved and ill-mannered (especially if ever compared to al bc he shut down in a completely different way! he just stopped talking! he would just do as he told bc he didnt know what else to do!)

beatrice had been pulling a night shift when a 4 yr old mel was admitted with severe abdominal pain and vomitting. turns out it was accidental detergent poisoning, and it landed her in the hospital for about a week. (she was 4, it was figured to be an accident, she didnt realize what she was eating, and after a small investigation of the home it was determined to be an accident) during this time, beatrice had already sort of begun to fall in love with this kid. it took a lot, but when she /could/ get her to smile it was. it was great. she could see she was.. /struggling/, but mel couldnt ever really put into words why. bringing up her twin to anyone made everything feel like too much. towards the end of the week, during a shared lunch between beatrice and amelia, bee almost got a glimpse at it. asked amelia why shes got bruises on her knuckles and shins and mel kinda defensive. she cant explain it. she just gets. she just gets really mad sometimes and she doesnt know what to do so she hits and kicks. its probably something beatrice has seen, shortly after mel was told she couldnt go home with her temporary foster parents. and bee gently presses if amelia can tell her /why/ she gets so mad and for a moment she can see amelia wants to say something and instead. tears up and pushes herself back against the chair shes in and suddenly shes melting down and it takes a long while for beatrice to help her calm down.

its noted by other hospital staff and the foster parents that amelia reacts best to beatrice. shes really warmed up to her and she doesnt talk much but when she does its about beatrice. something they did together, maybe an art project or a book bee read to her. they’re grateful, kinda gives them hope that they can get through to her eventually. goodbye is kinda hard, more so on amelia who has a tantrum on the way out of the hospital. insists that they can bring her to visit but they’re. kinda hesitant, admit that she likely wont be staying with them much longer before moving on. not a whole lot bee can do, thats hard for her to hear but...

but then hey, shes back again, with more severe symptoms and the foster parents are giving up. shes been a wreck since coming home, they dont know how she did it, and they /really dont/, but they’re scared she got into something else and here they are again, less than a week later.

its after this that beatrice expresses interest and even gets a lawyer involved in the hopes of finding a way to bring amelia home with her instead. shes probably already told marion all about her, she works with a lot of kids but this little girl really resonated with her. and like... its not a story any of them tell. micha probably doesnt even know the full story, only knows the ‘bee was amelia’s doctor’ and might know about the first incident, bc that one /was/ and accident, but not the second. bc the second scared the fuck out of beatrice. bc she knew mel did it just to go back to the hospital, and she cared too much about this kid to let that happen again or let something /worse/ happen to her.

its not something that mel brings up, i dont think most people think to even ask how someone met their adopted parents, but i know nosy people do like to ask about adoption stories. mel isnt gonna say ‘i almost killed myself when i was 4 bc i was desperate to see the one person that had the patience and care to listen to me’. maybe a light hearted, ‘haha yeah i drank some detergent on accident when i was a kid and then my doctor became my mom’. but even then its probably visibly clear shes uncomfortable with the story, and so are her mothers. and this isnt exactly family au specific, but it might play a role in her caution there. shes relaxed and locking up poisons is normal and expected, but like. in the instance of the swapped family au, when daliah is withdrawing and mel is struggling to fix things, remembers what herself did as a desperate kid and taking measures to make sure thats not a possibility.

#bumble buzz #nt family au #since this is sorta.... her background here too but its sorta a general 'when mel is their kid' background

2 notes · View notes

shxujobrave · 7 years

Note

ALL THE PALACE QUESTIONS JUST ALL OF THEM

Send ‘Palace’ + a number and I will explain;

oH GOD HERE WE G O I GU ES S?? ??

What the my muse palace look like

Riku’s palace would very much look like an overpoweringly elegant Grand Hall, plopped right in the middle of massive amounts of attractions for entertainment. Beautiful yet hectic, it’s a place of folly and glamour; complete with flower petals falling outside, and constant music somewhere in the distance.It’ll eventually come to light that the palace, despite looking so beautiful and well-put-together in appearance, is a complete mess by design. Diving in further and further into the Grand Hall, it becomes quite twisted and confusing, almost wonderland-esque, trying to meld the group’s desires into it’s design---as if to fit in and make everything seem ok, or make them like it. There are often many dead ends, many rooms have completely contrasting themes that seem to have nothing to do with Riku, hidden catwalks above are abundant, and it seems like shadows could use even the most unassuming things as weapons. When the final boss comes around, Riku’s desire to keep everything happy fun time crumbles almost immediately---Her sudden rush of fear and shame causing the figurative ‘veil’ to lift from the group’s eyes to reveal just how crackled and downright horrifying the palace becomes in it’s dissonance.

Riku’s palace is the reflection of a heart of a girl who wants to be everything she can be for the sake of someone’s happiness, and indirectly her own; and fool everyone when it’s not working. Her heart’s cracked beyond compare---She’s been (and in some ways, still being) abused, neglected, and used, but she succeeds in hiding it all from everyone, depriving herself comfort or understanding because she can’t bear the idea of showing it to herself, let alone anyone else. She glues the with the tiny amounts of genuine happiness she feels, try to protect herself by willingly being used instead of being fooled into security. The fact that no one ever believes her, turn on her when she’s not what they want, she just. Stopped. Put everything in boxes and left it there, never to be touched again. She puts a mask over her own heart so she can go on with life, and if it’s torn away, the amount of raw shame she’d feel for not being what people expect her, what she’s been through, would be heartbreaking---whether to you or to her, I’ll let you decide.

Many of the palace’s symbolism wouldn’t make sense to those who haven’t taken the time to get to know her (which would take awhile), causing it to seem even MORE of a nonsensical mess.

The keywords to get into the palace

Hall

What their treasure is within the palace

There’s massive amounts of “treasure” in the treasure room, mostly of stereotypical womanly desires (jewelry, perfumes, clothing, a very beautiful sculpture of a man) the correct choice is a pearl necklace adorned with the ‘most expensive jewels in the world’ as it’s broach. It’s a glorification of her Mother’s most prized jewelry.

Her shadow, though, references it as a ‘collar’.

What the treasure take form after being taken out of the palace

It turns into a worn out blue ribbon.

Completely useless, though it will definitely be pointed out that it’s a replica of the ribbon Riku wears in her hair. If the Protagonist chooses to keep it, there WILL be an option to give it to Riku as a gift.

How the shadows look like

Shadows come in all shapes, sizes and appearances in this palace---which goes along with the many things her palace has to offer in account of appearance. adults seem to be dressed extravagantly, very bourgeoisie yet with very similar clothing, different colored cocktail dresses and suits, shining jewelry and champagne glasses. Teenagers are either dressed in uniform clothing or in very high-fashioned outfits. Their masks are very reflective of traditional Venetian masks (ie: teens/student’s have Colombina masks while normal adults have Morettas), and could also depict the danger levels, as well as differentiate the normal npc’s to ones u can fight/who can attack.

These shadows are very...selfish. They won’t do anything they’re interested in, and will only do something if you have something to give in return. Despite Riku being the ‘owner’ of the palace, no one really has many good things to say about her, saying ‘who?’ and ‘oh that girl’.

What their shadow self look like + how they behave

Her outfit is pretty reminiscent of a marionette---short skirts puffed up with ruffles, and ribbons in places where. She’s even referred to as a puppet to the ‘Madame’ of the Grand Hall---and honestly, everyone’s puppet. The fact that she dresses so pretty isn’t bc she see’s herself in that outfit, but because everyone else expects it of her. Riku’s outfit is the most personalized out of all the other shadows in the palace ( besides the final boss, who is another woman ).

Shadow Riku plays on how ‘playfully perfect, angelic and sprite-like’ people think of her as, yet seems to be more avoidant. She dances out of view quite often and is quick to run away if you ask too many questions, as if being too close will do something to her. To make up for this, she’s massively blunt, shedding all of the sugary kind talk and just telling it like it is. When confronted at the end of the palace and you defeat the final boss, sHE WILL CALL OUT AND ROAST THE FUCK OUT OF YOU. Call you out on all your shit, dig into the depths of your heart and throw it back at your face---especially when it comes to the topic of her. The truth of what you’ve thought of and about her, what you’ve done to her, the things she hid, sacrificed and protected you from for the sake of your “fragile pride and weak happiness”. It’s only made worse by the fact that she speaks so happily while dragging all your transgressions to light, she giggles and laughs while talking shit about you aND herself. The fact that she can easily figure things out about someone and is generally known as the group confidant makes her words seem like a knife, easily cutting deep to the point of someone wanting to lash out and harm her---Which is pretty much what she wants. You’ve seen too much, she needs to break all bonds with you or else she cant take your disappointment.

When you correctly smooth things over and portray to her that no, you’re not going to do all the shit she expects you to do, what everyone else has done, she’s silent for quite a long time---Before apologizing for what she said (not apologizing for the truth, but apologizing for saying it in the way she did) and saying you should go. You can hear a quiet thank you, before she disappears. Sorry, no tearful revelations here--You get that from the now going to be completely distraught real!Riku

Which sin they represent the most

FUCK IDK. I’d say it’s pride---referencing to Riku’s very...off colored sense of pride that’s PRETTY BIG once you understand how it goes. It also plays into how she’s too prideful to allow someone to see who she rlly is.

#Anonymous #Answered

2 notes · View notes

avasilvugh · 7 years

Note

Now that we know how they react with Kara getting hurt any head cannons on how the kids act when Lena gets hurt or is in danger? Do they have any concept of how many threats arise because of her family name or has enough time passed since Lex that it's just a bad memory?

so this ask sort of goes hand in hand with this other one i received so i sort of split the long answer between the two!! i’ll link it for ya babes, enjoy the angst and the superbabies Constantly Worrying abt their human mommy

so like?? if u think the kiddos react poorly when its kara that’s hurt, i need ya to remember that they’re still pretty confident that kara will always walk away from a fight in one piece. like she might get hurt?? but they (perhaps a lil naively) dont think that kara’s rlly ever going to be Hurt. like they’re terrified in the moment, but it doesn’t like?? stick i guess?? i guess it’s sort of like…….she’s a superhero, danger sort of comes with it and kara’s careful and she’s like??? invincible?? one time stella gets rlly scared for her, so maia gets the idea to prove that they cant get hurt and bends like all of the kitchen knives trying to stab her hand so like…thats what’s in the kiddos’ heads when kara goes off to save the city/world. bent kitchen knives and stella’s laughter and maia’s grin and finn rolling his eyes but going alone with it, holding his hand over open flame to prove he can’t get burned

but lena?? lena is terrifyingly human. lena can burn and bruise and bleed and each kiddo has their own relationship to that, like finn cries and frets and maia seethes and rages and stella worries and plans (mind u, stella probably is the most……not ok with it, but she’s the most comfortable with lena’s vulnerability if only bc she’s just as vulnerable, often has a similar target on her back from lex/lillian bc she’s the most easily hurt of the kiddos??)

god they dont handle lena being in danger well At All and they handle her being hurt even worse, bc like?? she doesn’t heal as fast as kara, she heals at a human rate and there’s no magic sun lamp to make her all better

like when the kiddos are p young (like finn’s eleven or so) lena gets in a minor car accident and breaks her wrist and they all sort of freak the fuck out and that first day after she’s released from the er, she’s taking pain killers and is sort of just lazing around and taking it easy and the kiddos wont leave her side, like kara runs out to pick up dinner and the kids r sort of hovering around lena, pretending like theyre doing their own things, but when she comes back, they’ve all just cuddled up to her on the couch and maia’s carefully painting the nails on lena’s injured hand and stella’s fallen asleep on lena’s lap and finn’s tucked up against lena’s good side and they dont rlly move for the rest of the night tbh

i would say they have a p good grasp of the sort of threats against lena, like they grew up knowing how to behave in panic rooms and learned several emergency drills as part of their routine and saw lena hurt, threatened more times than they’d ever like to remember. they react as well as can be expected from kids in that sort of situation, and it helps a lot that their moms r so good and rlly work to make sure they feel safe as much as possible and try and assure them as best they can

but like?? they’re all so protective of lena, they rlly are, and unfortunately they have good reason to be. she’s on several ppl’s shit list tbh, and there are a fair few attempts on her life within the kids’ memories, like stella was there for several just bc she generally spends more time around lena and every single time resulted in her refusing to leave lena’s side for weeks after the fact. she just Will Not, like when she’s older and has to go to school, she is just constantly texting lena and like normally lena would tell her to stop, she needs to pay attention in class, but she also saw stella all but wailing in kara’s arms when lena got loaded into the ambulance so maybe she writes a note for stella’s teachers asking that they excuse her texting for a couple weeks

woo that got Dark

finn like…..idk its not like he feels like As the Man of the House he needs to protect all the girls in his life bc thats ridiculous and ignores their agency and his mamas raised him right, but he grew up watching kara protect their family, their city, the earth and he carries those instincts rlly deep in him and like he worries abt everyone, he’s such a worrier, but its different for maia and for kara and its even different for stella, bc stella at least has powers, can sense things, but lena is??? completely human????

and the first time he’s fully aware of this is when he’s three and his little sister is still so small and round and giggly and he had a stomach ache so lena calls out from work, tells jess to push her meetings so she can stay home and she’s put maia down for a nap and is coming in to check on him when he hears her scream from down the hall and like?? u know how little kids dont necessarily know when bad shits going down, but they Know?? well he knows.

so finn forgets all abt how his tummy hurts and runs as fast as he can and he’s rounding the hall just as kara barrels through a window, shoves him into the bathroom and pulls the door closed, but he saw lena on the floor, face twisted in pain with blood at her temple, oozing sluggishly from her shoulder and down her arm, saw the masked man that stood over her

he doesnt rlly ever forget that. the memory fades a little, dulls over time, but he has a lot of nightmares abt it, can’t completely put it behind him bc it was the first time he realized his mommy wasnt the same as his mama, wasnt as strong, wasnt as safe

it’s rlly bad for almost half a year after that, like he has nightmares more often than he doesnt and ends up in kara and lena’s bed most nights after waking up sobbing

when he gets older he sort of?? he doesn’t outgrow that bone deep fear, but it gets channeled into different avenues i guess

the first time maia ever has to confront that shit, she’s eight and its the assassination attempt from sun is gonna shine above and she’s never?? realized??? like she saw lena with a broken wrist and she’s seen her sick and so on and so forth so she’s got a grasp on the fact that lena’s human, not quite so invulnerable, but she’s never rlly understood what the consequences of that might mean?? but then they’re all sprawled on the floor of the deo and finn’s wailing into kara’s arms abt how he thought they were dead and she looks at lena and she looks at stella and she looks at kara and she’s terrified suddenly and she starts to cry and it all becomes a blur after that but then it’s a couple weeks later and she’s finally processed a little and she sort of scares her moms bc she crawls into their bed one night very late and asks very seriously if lena’s going to die

and like??? shit what are you supposed to say when your eight year old asks if you’re going to die??? jesus, there was no chapter abt this in literally any parenting book either of them have ever read

they explain it as best they can, that there are some very bad people in the world and they dont like lena very much and sometimes they want to hurt lena, but kara’s quick to remind maia that they’re all very safe and that she and aunt alex and uncle james and everyone at the deo work rlly hard to make sure they all stay safe but maia’s sort of changed after that??

and like…..her anger isnt from this one flashpoint alone, but it is a launching point. like?? her mom is so kind and loving and soft, why would anyone want to hurt her?? why should the world allow her to get hurt??? it’s not fair. so maia gets angry and she stays angry and she takes it out on bad ppl that hurt her family, takes it out on bad ppl that try to hurt lena and the difference btwn how she reacts with kara and how she reacts with lena is that she never, never says a word of it to lena, she refuses, bc if she does that, she’s admitting she’s scared that lena’s going to get taken from them, she’s admitting that lena’s human, that she’s mortal, that she can bleed and die and maia’s not willing to admit that

stella is probably the kiddo that never rlly has the realization bc its so ingrained in her like and i dont mean this in a bad way but there’s this understanding that where kara and finn and maia are alike, stella and lena are alike and stella understands that she’s not as strong as her siblings so it makes sense that lena’s not as strong as them either, u know?? it doesnt come as a surprise or anything and her powers mean that the threats to her mother dont come as a surprise either, bc by the time she’s registered what those threats rlly mean, she’s already been living with the reality of them for years

and ive said this a bunch but stella responds by becoming lena’s shadow tbh, she just sticks even closer to her mom and freaks out when she can’t bc she feels rlly powerless??? she cant help kara, but that makes sense, bc stella’s not the same as kara?? but she’s like lena and she can’t help her either, so what good is she to anyone, what use is she, how does she deserve her mothers

and to be fair, most of these feelings arent hers alone, bc when she gets sad or angry or hurts, its a lot easier for her to sort of take on negative emotions from the rest of the world, so it sort of spirals but that is the reality of it, she’s sad and she’s scared and she refuses to let lena out of her sight every time lena gets threatened or hurt

THERES UR DAILY DOSE OF SUPERBABIES ANGST, UR WELCOME

#supergirl #supercorp #lena luthor #kara danvers #superbabies #aLSO V DARK IM SORRY #anonymous #human interaction

32 notes · View notes

yamlog · 4 years

Text

today i allowed myself to take a good hard look at the rows of photos i have buried at the bottom of my feed and i made sure to focus my eyes, not let them blur and glaze over his face. i really looked at him. i looked at the way the light hit the cheekbones i really loved, i looked at the curve of his eyelids, i looked at the hint of ribcage beneath his tshirt. i think i had to, because seeing how mj is avoiding-but-not-avoiding her ex is making me understand that avoiding is not the way to go. her heartbreak is fresh, not even a month, but in many ways i am still behaving like her. i don’t listen to good advice and i avoid and avoid the source of pain. i think that by locking up and burying photos of him that i took when i was in love, i can grow out of it. but of course i am wrong, again, as usual, because even now when i stare at his face in the photos, knowing full well that i can never see this again in real life (he might as well be dead and cremated) i feel an ache. a real ache, not a metaphorical one. my chest literally twinges inside as if something’s twisting. and it gets hard to breathe. meanwhile all i can think about is how much i like what i am seeing and how sad it makes me to never reach it again. what is wrong with me though like seriously is this an imprint? did i grow some kind of dysfunctional neural pathway in the short time i was with him? it’s like programming i cannot change, what the fuck. at this rate, i wish i could turn blind so i will never have to see his face again or feel tempted to look at photos. but that’s silly, bc i need my eyes to earn a living. so i guess the next best thing would be to wish he really was dead so i can cry at his urn at the crematorium every week until i have properly mourned and can move on. i feel like a zombie. or maybe he is the zombie, neither here in my present reality nor there in a past that can be said to no longer exist. or maybe my heart is the zombie. or maybe my feelings for him is the zombie. aiya this is a difficult metaphor to wrap my head around. bottomline is, i’m pretty sure i still love him. i’d go back to him in a heartbeat. but he’s gone. dead, figuratively. i dont think i am living in the past because i am really making an effort to be here in the present and be here for all my friends who need me sometimes. but i have brought my feelings with me. they’re not “past feelings” they are PRESENT FEELINGS. right here and right now i still have living feelings. for a dead person. so what does that make me? stupid?? probably. maybe i should enforce a rule whereby i make myself stare at photos of him until the pain subsides. like cutting yourself until the nerves in your skin are so damaged and scarred over you no longer feel pain. i don’t know how long i can distract myself by going along with everyone else’s pace and physically doing the things to “move on” when in reality thinking about him still makes my nose sting and my eyes water. but he doesnt exist!!!!!! he cannot. so much time had elapsed it is so unlikely he has remained the same. employment, politics, interactions with others, maybe even new lovers must have reshaped him somehow. the person i love is probably not there anymore, or he’s been melted down and recast into a different form that i will not recognise.

i wish he wanted to meet me, and cared to see what kind of person i have become after all this. i miss him every single day. i still think about him every single night. sometimes i catch myself about to say his name and i have to close my throat before i utter and commit the atrocious act. i don’t dare find his socials because i’m terrified of what i might see. im afraid i’ll go to the cinema with mj next week, 2 heartbroken girls, and run into him holding hands with a woman i don’t recognise. i dont know how i’ll handle that. i may fling myself over the bannister of the spiral staircase and end my miserable existence on the spot. maybe i’ll take out a knife and slit my wrists on the spot so i can bleed to death with my eyes fixed on him and leave earth looking at the person i love most. on some level i do hope he has found happiness and is capable of making someone happy in a sustainable way that doesn’t put a strain on his career too much, but a big part of me still wishes i could be that person. it’s so pathetic to admit that i still wish and wish and wish i could be the recipient of his love. isn’t it so stupid to pine for treatment i won’t receive? why cant i be happy with someone else giving me double? a serious question. why does it have to be him? if only i could email god to ask.

if i do reach my deadline without being able to find happiness elsewhere and i do fling myself off some building or another, i dont think i’d like to be a ghost haunting and cursing him for all eternity anymore. i much rather there be no afterlife. no women living in banana trees. no vengeance, no reincarnation, nothing. i just want to stop existing and stop being conscious or anything. i want to disintegrate and take all my hurt and futile desire with me. no more boundaries no more self no more singularity. it would be so blissful to just dissolve and leave the fabric of existence and no longer think of him because there will no longer be a “him” because there will no longer be a “me” who “thinks.”

i wonder if he thinks of me still. i wonder what he thinks of, of him in relation to me, of me in relation to him, of me like this, of the suffering he MUST know he has caused. i dont think ive been the same person since october. it’s not like a simple apology can patch up a hole. i forgive, but the wound doesnt disappear with forgiveness. i forgive the stake in the heart because at my core i love love love love him, but the stake is still lodged in there. and i can’t die. not yet, at least. i dont think he knows the extent of the damage done. i still have nightmares every single night. i can’t remember the last time i had a good dream. i consider myself lucky when i wake up and immediately forget 95% of my bad dreams. i am so busy everyday but when im asleep i can’t manifest happiness. it’s all violence, and hatred, and meeting spectres from my past, and decay and weeping and pain. sometimes i feel the pain in my body itself. phantom and ungrounded but pain demands to be felt. i can’t just Wish it away.

i no longer believe in the possibility of miracles. but i still believe in a divine plan. if i am still unable to kill my love for him, there must be a reason. a good reason. maybe my ache makes me the friend my friends need when they get dumped. maybe i will be led by my pain to decide to join some event or cause, even if as a means of distracting myself, and end up meeting someone who really needs my support and friendship. maybe i can contribute to society in a way that i wouldnt be able to if i were perfectly happy. i like to believe that there is a purpose behind everything, even failure. and im not naive enough to think that the reason god has allowed to me suffer is because he will bring deliverance and turn a stone-cold heart back towards me. life isn’t a storybook. he won’t come back, and he won’t love me again. it’s fine. it’s fine if my continued misery could serve a greater purpose SOMEHOW. let me save one person. let me have the wells of empathy needed to say the right thing at the right time and improve someone else’s life. i cannot live like this with just myself and no contribution to the nett happiness of the world.

i did a tarot card reading for SH today, she visited my cats and we had lunch and talked about books. despite what happened at the start of the year ive found it in my heart to forgive and reconcile and take the first step in repairing our friendship. ive readjusted my expectations so i wont feel betrayed or letdown again in the future. and i recognise that she needs me more than i need her, which is a good enough reason to stay. pride is stupid. i decided years ago that i will not let pride get in the way. even if he thought i was pathetic. i dont care. love IS pathetic. my only regret was running away from him that day because i didnt want him to see me cry again. not because of pride but because i didn’t want to burden him even more. he would have been late for dance if i had allowed myself to stand there and cry. but maybe i should have. so now i will just put myself out there and move past friendship-level hurts. the reading was eerily accurate, even down to her sun sign. and extremely extremely apt for her because she’s starting uni soon and everything on the cards aligned. she jokingly said i was a witch. i only wish i was a real one so i can do Something, Anything.

0 notes