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y2kbugs · 7 months

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Why Rincewind deserves your love

Tumblr loves characters like Rincewind right now. The sad, weary one who really doesn't want to be here but does it anyway cause no one else bothered, and is often vulnerable, cowardly, and a weakling compared to everyone else. In other words, the pathetic wet cat, the poor little meow meow.

Vimes is also a perfect example of this archetype, he's there and he's great, but Rincewind to me is a sort of hidden gem bogged down by the author's early writing and the struggle to live up to those later, more deep characters. It doesn't really help that Pratchett also got bored of writing him, and only felt obligated because he had fans (which in a way sounds like Rincewind himself), but...

The first two books aren't even bad. The only thing I'd say is that TCOM has some confusing writing going on and feels more like a collection of stories but it's good and could be better if rewritten. Rincewind is a wonderful character and Twoflower is a delight. TLF is a definite improvement writing and character wise and gives development to Rincewind.

He's not "a weak character who doesn't do anything but run". He is not badly written. He is a character who does not want to be the hero but does it anyway. He has deep empathy and believes that throwing your life away for a good cause is inherently selfish rather than selfless (and! he does this himself, kind of. He does make a sacrifice to help somebody, but he lives).

He isn't stupid. He might be the smartest character in his books, but that's more because the other characters are relatively kind of dumb. The only thing he's really bad at is being a wizard, that's it. He's not a good wizard, but he's a great strategist, he knows a lot about magic, knows almost every language on Discworld and this was how he got to know Twoflower in the first place. I would call him an average intelligence and very high wisdom character in DnD. He's intensely rational and will point out gaps in reasoning and logic. He might be a pessimist, but he has experience and he's going to use that.

That's not to say he doesn't make mistakes. He absolutely does, but making dumb mistakes is much different from willful and sheer ignorance which he does not display.

His hat says "Wizzard" because it's supposed to be a pun on "he can't spell", and it's highly unlikely that he actually misspelled it not knowing the actual spelling considering he reads a lot.

He is very, very defensive and adamant about his identity as a wizard. It's pretty much everything to him and he has a crisis whenever other characters mock and have general distrust of wizards.

He's done the following:

Beat the shit out of an eldritch horror until it ran away from him (TLF),

forced an extremely powerful spell out of his head with sheer will (TLF),

Defeated the most powerful deceased wizard possessing a magical staff with only a brick in a sock, and took both himself and the wizard's son into the Dungeon Dimensions, where he fought back creatures to allow the boy to escape. (Sourcery)

Gave the boy a speech about how it's important to not let anyone define who you are as a person and no one should have to tell you what to do (Sourcery)

Used a whole terracotta army to beat an entire army, and succesffully intimidated them via psychological tricks. (Interesting Times)

Brought rain back to Fantasy Australia and talked back against Death who convinced him to give up. (TLC)

Maybe he's not the most sympathetic character, because he's not chivalrous or manly. He has no bravery and freely admits to being a coward, he's kind of a jerk who cools down as time goes on, and he's selfish enough that he thinks being selfless is a total waste of time and is selfish in itself. He's a cynic and a pessimist with a worldview shaped by his terrible experiences on Discworld, but he's very well-traveled even against his own will, and from this experience he knows precisely how to get out of danger, how to outsmart an individual (or a whole army) and more.

He's shown empathy. Being tired at the world at large and not liking the other wizards very much but going out of his way to save the world from a wizard gone rogue anyway because nobody else bothered to and he's angry, saving a boy from his abusive father's power and diving headfirst into the Dungeon Dimensions, trying to convince an "army" of mostly children why trying to fight against a legitimate army of warriors is a horrible idea and will only get them killed, Helping some thirsty sheep out to get access to water despite not needing to, bringing rain back to Fantasy Australia even though he could have given up and gone home at any moment, being made a "test subject" for the wizard's project in creating Roundworld/Earth, learning aabout the life on there over millions of years and talking about how hard it is for life to grow on there in its earliest millions of years, teaching Roundworld inhabitats the importance of art and creativity not only to outsmart the elves but because he wanted to (while the other wizards considered him stupid for this idea).

And he doesn't want to be a hero, he has no obligation to and is perfectly happy just being alone in the library and reading old books. He wants a life of peace and quiet and nothing life-threatening, but unfortunately he's pushed into these situations. Often though instead of simply resigning himself and giving up altogether, he sucks it up and goes and does it anyway with the expectation that he can go home in the end. That, and by now he's already expected this is his role: to fix shit and go home, even though he'd love to have someone else do his job.

It rubs me the wrong way to see people call him one-dimensional or just "the guy that is scared and runs away"...That to me is like simply calling Vimes "the depressed cop who drinks a lot" or Granny Weatherwax "the old witch who kicks ass". Of course the character will seem one dimensional if you describe them that way. Vimes is better written overall and gets better development for sure, which is also what his character is built for, as well as a more serious story that doesn't lend itself as well to basically slapstick. Rincewind isn't built for overcoming his fears, but rather his selfish attitude and to finally find peace with himself, and he works as a comedic character while also balancing out the fact he can be anything other than a clown or coward.

He gets what he always wanted in the end too. Pratchett might not have wanted to write him anymore, but instead of simply putting him on a bus, he gave Rincewind a position at Unseen University, only dampened by the fact the other wizards clearly don't respect him, therefore he can't really be a professor as a job, but he doesn't mind. In fact, he loves that. He gets free food, a quiet place to stay, and has zero obligations. He's happy, and the last thing we know of him is that he's studying the effects of plants on the nervous system (Raising Steam), and he's very important in the Science Of Discworld series, initially being a test subject and later being the "to go" for information about Roundworld/Earth, even getting to keep the globe in his room.

#discworld #rincewind #this initially started out all casual but then it got long and essay-like as i am prone to writing #i probably got things wrong...correct me

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yanderes-galore · 10 months

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DBD Michael Myers yandere alphabet????

He acts the same as he would normally so I'll try and make it more focused around trials.

Alphabet Found Here

Yandere Alphabet - DBD! Michael Myers

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Stalking, Obsession, Violence, Blood, Murder, Dubious relationship, Sadism, Darling is not having a fun time obviously.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Michael Myers is primarily a stalking yandere, shocking news I know.

During trials he'd spend most of his time watching you, maybe even farming his power to remove the other survivors around you.

Trials become your version of Cat and Mouse. He stalks and hunts you and you run like the prey you are. It'll take a few trials before you're deemed his favorite, his obsession.

Michael Myers has a strange form of love. You could argue it isn't love. It's torment.

Safe to say he's intense in his own way.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Michael Myers lives for messy. Murder fuels his bloodlust, for a purpose or not. Michael would kill for you like it or not.

It seems it doesn't like your fellow survivors all that much.

Considering he aims to kill those around you with his blade rather than hooks for the Entity.

Don't be surprised when you see him he's covered head to toe in gore.

He did just shove a blade into someone's gut before greeting you, dear.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He would mostly stare if he caught and cornered you. The silence in deafening in the trial, until you hear his heavy breathing from behind the mask.

He doesn't mock, he doesn't even talk... he stares at you like he's studying you.

Sometimes he reaches to touch you. Sometimes he yanks your hair. Sometimes he may even cut your skin.

You will never knew his next move... so all you can do is sit and endure until the trial ends.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Yes. He's fully capable of it in this realm.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

That's unknown but many can have a vague sense of how focused he is on you.

He gets aggressive if you're removed from him and seems placated when you're in his grasp... that's all anyone really needs to know.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He'd shut it down with violence of his own. He doesn't care if he hurts you in the process. Michael will force you into a more docile state then continue what he was doing before with you.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Yes, presumably. He does get some sort of gratification from chasing you. He also likes to watch you escape, only to pull you away from it last moment. Closing hatch in front of you is a good example.

He's sadistic like that.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Literally the first trial you have with him or anytime you suffer. Which, unfortunately, is often in this realm. That is the way Dead By Daylight works.

You could say the first sacrifice... or the first mori... take your pick either way.

Him being docile with you is the best experience you've had during your time in this realm.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He doesn't have one. He just thrives on your reactions.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

It's hard to tell. If he does feel jealous you can't read it. He's also clearly not coping with it if he had jealousy, either.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He mostly stalks you, maybe hovering over you when you do a generator. It gives off the vibe of him hiding in your shadow. Some survivors don't even notice him until they look up and he attacks them.

He acts really strange with you. There's clear favoritism... although he doesn't exactly treat you with kindness, either.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Other than stalking you he tries to corner you alone. Once alone, either in the corner of the trial or the basement, he takes his time with you.

He'd slowly reach out to touch your face or hold you. It's as though he's exploring you, if you stay still and let him... you may be fine.

Maybe.

It scares you as he hovers his hands around your hair and your neck and you're scared he'll squeeze. Being around Michael is like walking on eggshells.

One minute, he's docile and holding you in what seems like inner peace.

The next, he's a violent killing machine.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

A little, yeah.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Murder or some other type of violence. If he knows you care for someone else, he'll kill them in front of you.

That or he'll mark your skin with his blade, even if it isn't permanent.

Then there's him just killing you...

But that would be too easy, wouldn't it?

He likes it when you suffer.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

All of them if he could. Far as you know, he doesn't care.

Who says you even have rights in the Entity's realm?

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He's seemingly patient but that could easily be a facade. He leaves you as the last one to deal with in a trial as a survivor before pursuing you.

You could say that's patient.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

It's hard to read but he may get more aggressive if he loses you. However, that won't happen... there's no escaping the Entity's realm.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

No and no.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

When it comes to Michael, that's unknown.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He just... stares. He just watches you cower in the middle of a trial, completely ignoring the others unless he's already killed them.

Maybe he'll reach out from curiosity, but most of the time he waits it out.

The staring only makes you more uncomfortable and upset.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Most of his obsession is dedicated to stalking.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Honestly, I can't think of any for Michael. He seems to always read what you're doing/planning.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He doesn't worship you. Although he becomes an unstoppable force when it comes to hunting you down if you ever somehow left.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

A long time. One of Michael's biggest traits is to just observe.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Most likely.

#yandere dead by daylight #yandere dbd #yandere michael myers #yandere halloween

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givehimthemedicine · 1 year

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not to get the morbs on main but do you ever just sit with how incredibly sad "Goodbye, Mike" is? that little El is that ready to sacrifice herself?

the fact that she paused to say goodbye means she expected to die, or at least to get incapacitated and recaptured, which is also extremely sad. I lean towards thinking she didn't know she'd disappear to the UD.

I still don't get what exactly is happening when she does That to Henry and the demogorgon, but regardless, she seems to think it's killing ("if you touch her again I will kill you again") so I don't get the impression that she's aware getting transported is a possible outcome (she doesn't remember '79 in '83). she's already drained from killing the agents and doesn't have the option to recharge, and I think she accepts that the exertion necessary to kill the demogorgon will be more than she can survive.

El has spent a week hearing that Will is important, finding Will is what really matters. and of course she gets the idea Will is more important than she is. he is loved. this is El's first lesson in what that even looks like. this boy is sorta like her real-world counterpart - she's occupying his space in his world, and she's getting a glimpse at what it looks like for a kid her age to be a person, loved and missed, and not just a thing with a serial number on it that its owner wants back.

for that week, El is important because Will is important.

nobody has ever valued anything about El except what she can do with her powers, so she thinks her only value to the party and Joyce is in her usefulness in finding Will, or protecting them. tbh they didn't do a ton to challenge that assumption in season 1 in ways that would be clear to her (not that they had any idea of her experience).

"but the hug at the quarry!" yeah I love it, but she had just saved their lives. even though hugs are nice and she never got them at the lab, she still could think it's because she did something for them. "Joyce hugs her at the end of the bath!" one of the best moments in the series, but again, El had just done something for Joyce. that may be the only motive she sees for it. maybe it's all just lab taffy. what affection has anyone given El that doesn't look to her like part of an exchange or a reward for performance?

El's willingness to sacrifice herself isn't just about loving her new friends and wanting to protect them but like. by that time, she'd done all she could on the Will mission. he's Schrodinger'd at this point, it doesn't even matter the outcome. he's either irretrievable or being retrieved, either way, now that she's served her purpose she's of no further value to them.

if that's her impression, is she proven wrong? while she's still vulnerable from submitting herself to a triggering, exhausting experience to help them, Hopper betrays her location to Brenner in exchange for a longshot chance at finding Will.

(Yeah I know his options were limited and of course he's gonna be more committed to helping Will because he has a longtime relationship with Joyce. but. an authority figure handing a horribly abused child back to her abusers after she trusted him for help does not make me a big Hopper fan, even if he planned to try to doublecross them later. "I'll tell you where your little science experiment is" please.)

but as hurtful as Hopper's trade is, the saddest part is that El is willing to make a very similar one herself. it's more important for Will and these people to have each other back than for her to try to have her freedom. she wouldn't want what's been stolen from her to be stolen from anyone else. it's better for her to be the one that goes away, to make it safe for all of them. she has no one to miss her, not how Will does.

I have to wonder if the way she killed the demogorgon ("killed" "the demogorgon") was the only way she could've gone about it. like, she didn't try to snap its neck first or anything. her Plan A is a method that jeopardizes her own life.

does she see a future for herself in the outside world? one where she isn't forever hunted, and a constant danger to her friends? one that doesn't dead end back in the lab, under crueler conditions than ever before? is that a life she hopes to survive for?

imagine if ST really ended up being an anthology, and all she went out with was one resigned little "Goodbye, Mike" and we never found out any more about it. I would be in an institution

#angst #character analysis #eleven #mine #the way she acted in the UD school scene looked like it was her first rodeo. it didn't seem like she knew that was gonna happen #she was definitely unfamiliar with the portal/goop situation #and the fact that she goes straight back to Mike's house and sees all the fbi cars and THEN realizes she can't return #I don't think she planned to fake her death and disappear for the party's safety #long post #tw death #<- i guess #st: what precious children let's watch them accept their mortality. yes that one. and that one. and th

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danses-with-dogmeat · 1 year

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Day 29 -- Colonel James Hsu

The (nsfw) details for Kinktober, Day 29 are just below the cut!

Minors, please don't interact.

Authority Kink with Hsu x F! Six

I like... REALLY like Hsu. Idk what it is about him, but he's just... he's great.

I hope you all love it! ❤

And just a head's up, tomorrows might be out a little later (like this one was) because I'm really getting down to the wire here, but it will be out! And the one for Halloween is already ready, so that one should be out on time on Monday 😁

Here is the link to my Kinktober 2022 Event list so you can stay up-to-date, or re-visit these works as you please.

Included: Authority Kink, cunnilingus, cum eating, sub/dom dynamics, role reversal, orgasm delay/denial, coping, vaginal sex, riding, following commands, verbal bondage (is that a thing?), feelings, cuddles, developing relationship.

3.5k words.

“Doesn’t it feel good, Colonel?” Six stroked her fingers through his clean cut hair, tugging at the short strands just as she jammed his nose into her clit. “Doesn't it feel good to turn that loud mind of yours off?”

Her eyes were hazy with pleasure, but her expression was rather smug as she gazed down at him.

Hsu was… well, he was a bit of a mess. He had been, all day.

He needed this.

He needed Six, to take his mind off things, to make him feel supported, to make him feel not so alone, and even, not so in charge. Hsu didn’t know how he did it before her, before this.

His thoughts drizzled away like a passing storm as he delved deeper between her legs, a hand on either of her thighs, spreading them to get as close as possible to her most intimate place. Everything about her was a distraction, in the best of ways. The orders that she commanded him to follow, the heavy sound of her breaths, the restrained rumble of her moans, the sight of her, with her furrowed brow and flushed face, her wanton expression, the taste of her, sweet and tangy against his eagerly lapping tongue, the feel of her heat on his mouth, the softness of her thighs where he gripped them with strong, calloused hands. He wasn’t sure how he ever lived without it all.

“That’s it, baby. Now, move up a bit.” Her eyes closed in bliss as he dutifully followed her direction, pressing the point of his tongue over that sensitive nub nestled within her sopping folds and grinding against it with a willing fervor. “There. Shit, that’s just right."

He felt her fingers grip tightly in his hair.

"Atta boy.”

Hsu groaned against her in response, his own eyes falling closed as he poured all of his attentions into her pleasure, into her engulfing heat. His thumbs dug into the plush skin of her thighs, prying them as far apart as they could go, and he pushed his face all the way into her. His tongue delved down to her entrance, pressing inside as he ground his nose into her clit, sacrificing his breathing in order to satisfy her.

The Colonel allowed so many others to do so much for him, for the NCR, for the cause. Men and women who'd given everything, their families, their time, their morals, and their lives. Now, Hsu reveled in every opportunity he had to give back. He wanted to make sacrifices for his soldiers just the same, wanted to be right alongside them on the front lines, but someone has to command.

And the NCR had chosen him.

So with Six, he gave back. He was selfless, he put himself in a place that brought her pleasure, brought her joy. He never took, only gave, because in here, in this room, with only her, he could.

Hsu could be vulnerable with Six, he could let her take charge, and he never had to worry about her image of him, her respect, her belief that he could still lead, despite this need to let go once in a while, to let another take charge of him. She’d never doubted him, not once, and he could hardly say that for anyone else, especially himself. Beyond his incessant need to give back wherever he could, he truly did just want to please her.

He truly did care about her. More than he could see himself ever letting on while she was under his command, while she was still an outsider.

Hsu didn’t much care for the politics and policies of it all, but duty is duty, whether or not you personally agree with it.

Six’s hips bucked up off the cot, jamming Hsu’s nose into her and making his eyes water, dragging his mind from his troubling thoughts once more. He migrated the grip of his hands, smoothing them up over her thighs to grasp now at her hips, to hold them firmly down on his cot.

Small breaths and whimpers began to spill from Six’s lips. Her sense of smugness and control were gone for the moment, as she felt herself climbing that blissful mountain to ride down the avalanche of her explosive release. Hsu basked in his ability to drive her to this point, and his eyes snapped open to witness it, as he ground his nose into her before dragging his tongue upwards and settling his lips around that swollen point of her clit. Once there, he sucked as though his life depended on it, hollowing his cheeks from the force and teasing at the twitching nub with his tongue with each attempted buck of her hips against him, until she finally bit into her wrist and cried out her release. Her legs and hips shook beneath his hands, testing the strength in them as she writhed against the pleasure. Her eyes, her face… they were something to behold.

Whether he wished it to be true or not, Hsu lived for that expression. It was her truest self, not any of the numerous fronts she put up on a daily basis. And he understood why she did it, why she put up those walls, by God, did he, but the fact that here, with him, she could allow herself that vulnerability, that she could show him that kind of authenticity… it honored him beyond words.

As Sole's legs stilled and turned to jelly beneath his hands, Hsu at last pulled away from where he was ravaging her clit, setting his lips upon her lower ones as slick spilled from her with each clench of her stomach and each deep, haggard breath leaving her heaving chest.

The Colonel drank her up like a divine desert nectar, his eyes shielded by half-closed lids as he messily consumed everything she had to give him. The grip of his hands on her hips was strong, almost bruising, as Six came down from that all-encompassing high. He felt her fingers tug tiredly at his hair, dragging him away from his feast as Hsu leaned against the pressure, desperate still, for more of this delicious distraction.

“Enough, Colonel.” Her firm voice did the trick, and Hsu relented to her command, falling back to sit on his heels, his knees crying out in discomfort as he knelt on the hard, concrete floor. “Calm down, I’m not finished with you yet.”

Hsu licked his lips in anticipation, cleaning a bit of her slick release from around his glistening mouth. He nodded to her in understanding, and awaited her next command.

Six sat up on her elbows, and then rose into a sitting position, prepared to stand up, until she noticed the glaring arousal tenting the Colonel’s ASU-grade trousers. She tutted at him, and that smug look made itself comfortable as it rested upon her face.

Hsu looked down, unaware, at first, to what exactly she was noticing, until it became glaringly obvious, and thoroughly uncomfortable all at once. He gulped and looked away as he felt a blush alight upon his cheeks.

“Don’t even need to get you ready, huh, officer?” She folded her arms over her still-clothed chest. “Just burying yourself between my legs for a few minutes, and you’re all ready to burst.”

Hsu’s jaw clenched.

Should I be ashamed? That her pleasure bleeds so easily into mine? That it inspires it?

Her tone suggested it, but he couldn’t find a reason to be… Not when he got to see and feel the thunderous results of his efforts.

“Well, your eagerness might not be an issue now, but…” She looked at him hard, her eyes dark with deviousness as she stood from her place on the cot. “I’m feeling pretty ready to get off again. And whether you can last through it or not…” She leaned down until their noses were almost touching. “I’m getting mine, Colonel.”

He nodded to her, excitement pouring through his veins as determination furrowed his brow.

“Good.” She threw him a small smile, and stood up to her full height, as Hsu still kneeled from the floor, looking up at her.

“Now, on the bed.”

Her hand waved to the small cot, and Hsu hastily got on his feet.

“Oh, and undress for me. Completely.”

Six waltzed over to the other side of the room, looking at herself in the mirror as she fixed her hair, as she wiped at the running bits of her makeup and pulled her shirt down where it had began to ride up over her curves.

Hsu pulled his uniform from himself quickly, as though the task were being timed, and once he was fully nude, he crawled onto the bed and settled himself in a seated position, one that served to at least slightly conceal his extremities.

“Nuh uh.” Six shook her head as she spotted him in the mirror, and turned to face him. “Lay down. Spread your legs, and keep your hands down on the mattress. And to yourself.” She turned back to the mirror, and grabbed her lipstick from the nearby table, reapplying until it looked flawless.

Quickly, Hsu became conscious of his own appearance, and he tried to hastily smooth down his ruffled hair, wipe any remaining slick from the sides of his face, from his chin, but Six’s stern look halted his efforts as she turned again to face him.

“Hands down.”

He did as she asked instantly. Without question.

Hsu remained silent as Six slowly approached him, her eyes drinking in the sight of his fully exposed form, no detail was safe from her scrutinizing glare, and as her eyes settled to that hardened place between his legs, he felt himself twitch. He could see the way she held back a smile as she noticed his body's reaction.

She moved onto the bed with the speed of oozing tar, and Hsu unconsciously ground his teeth in frustrated impatience. Six smiled at that too, and slowed even further.

Eventually, she made it to him, climbing up over his body until she was straddling him with her heat pressed to his thighs. Six hovered there a moment, and he wondered if she was waiting for something from him, but he couldn’t venture a guess as to what it could be, he couldn’t. His mind was growing so hazy and disorganized, his thoughts were light and empty-feeling, and he couldn’t for the life of him recall any of the issues that had plagued him, what? An hour ago?

Six really was something. More than just a distraction. It was like she took him to an entirely new world, a new life where his responsibilities had no place, where his title was just his name, where he could be care free, without consequence.

It was so unlike the true life he lived.

Just as Hsu was obtaining the frame of mind needed to voice anything to her, Six’s cool hands grasped at his searing cock, pumping over it for half a moment, just long enough for the action to steal his breath, before she was lifting herself up, and aligning that begging, leaking tip with her slick entrance.

Hsu groaned out in bliss as she sank onto him, the feel of her warm, soft walls spreading around him sending that distracted feeling in his mind into overdrive until there was nothing in the world but this. But her.

Unconsciously, Hsu’s hands rose off the mattress, instinctually going to her hips to guide her as she began to move up and down over his shaft. Six’s hands quickly slapped his away, and pinned them to the mattress.

“No touching, remember?”

“Yes. Sorry.” He said through gritted teeth, and she gave him one single nod of approval at his apology.

“Good. Don’t let it happen again.”

“Yes, sir.” He said, and this was instinctual as well. Six grinned at the sound of his obedience. At that, she began to move in earnest, hauling herself up, before pushing down hard and landing in his lap. Hsu fought back the urge to buck into her, believing that that too would be off-limits.

She was just using him. That’s what it seemed like. He was just a way to get her off, and his pleasure would only come from his proximity, the friction of her finding the best rhythm for her release to be ushered forward. Yet, even knowing all this, Hsu couldn’t bring himself to regret a damn thing. He… liked it. He liked being useful, he liked following orders, of course he liked the feeling of her fucking herself on him, but he also like her disregard of him. It was strange, but the lack of attention to him, the lack of consideration, even the lack of respect, it made him feel… good. It made him feel free.

As Colonel, he could never escape the attentions of all his soldiers, the respect of them, yes, but also their constant scrutiny, their judgment of him. With Six, it was inconsequential. His thoughts, his decisions, his opinions and actions, they hardly mattered at all.

It was a goddamn relief.

“Christ, Six.” Hsu’s head fell back as he felt his stomach clench in pleasure, as he felt a growing tightness being pulled taut in his belly.

“Shh. Let me get off, baby.” Her eyes had closed now, and he could feel her growing steadily wetter. He hadn’t even thought that possible, but it felt delicious against him, as she glided up and down over his shaft, her walls gripping and massaging him until he felt fit to burst.

His cock twitched within the confines of her wet heat, and Six blinked one eye open.

“Remember what I said. Don’t care if you’re done or not, Colonel. I’m still getting mine.”

He grunted below her at a particularly harsh thrust that drove the sensitive head of him against that spongy place deep within her.

“And I’m not there yet. So you’d better hold off. For your own good.”

Hsu's teeth gritted together to the point of pain as he closed his eyes, trying to black out the image of her, all made up, with her flawless makeup and her styled hair, so different than anyone he’d ever seen, anyone he’d met, especially at his post in the NCR. New Vegas maybe had a few diamond gals like that, but Six was just… different.

She was everything he’d ever wanted, in all his wildest dreams, in those lonely nights he spent coming up with the perfect partner in his head, one he didn't think could ever even exist, but she was it, and he knew her, and she was doing this with him, and yet… Still, he knew, he had to tell himself, that she was unobtainable as a romantic partner. She was off limits, taboo, against the rules, and maybe… Maybe that too was one of the many things he adored about her. One of the many things that drew him to her, that made him crave her, and crave this, unlike any other.

Closing his eyes wasn’t nearly as effective as he hoped it would be. Sure, it shut out the image of her grinding against him, of her pleasured expression, her jostling chest, but it only enhanced the feeling of her around him. Every twitch and clench, every rush of slick, every time he reached the back of her, he could feel every minute detail of her pleasure, and that spurred him forward even more, ever closer to the threshold of his forbidden release.

“S-Six. Please.” His voice groaned out against his will, and he didn’t need to open his eyes to see the way she was smiling down at him. Her walls clenched him hard at his words.

“Please?” Her voice echoed through the room smugly. “Please, what, commander?”

Hsu groaned, his fingers rapidly clenching and unclenching at the sheets of his bed.

“Please. Finish. Grind against me. Take me, take your pleasure on me. Just finish.”

“Hmm.” She hummed, and her pace slowed. Hsu nearly choked in disappointment as the friction against his yearning cock halted.

“Let me think for a moment… Do you deserve it? What all have you done for me recently? I can’t indulge you, can't spoil you. That would be irresponsible. Unless you’ve done enough to earn this. Isn't that what you say to your soldiers?”

His mind was shrieking with want, clouding with frustration and need, but Hsu forced his tone to remain steady.

“I made you cum. With my mouth.”

“Yeah, but I’ve done that for you before. Plenty of times. I’m not sure that quite qualifies. I'm not sure it's enough.”

He grunted as her walls clenched him teasingly, and his cock pulsed inside her; prepared, with just the slightest bit of stimulation, to spill out his release.

“I’ll do it again. Whatever you want. I’ll sleep with my mouth between your legs, I’ll please you until the sun rises, and then tomorrow night when you return. Please, Six, sir, please use me. Use me to finish, and please, let me finish myself.”

She thought a moment longer, and Hsu felt a bead of sweat slide down from his temple. He was practically trembling with want, with anticipation, and finally, Six saw fit to indulge him.

“Very well.” She rose up until she was almost completely off him-- "You keep your word, and I'll keep mine. I'll let you finish." --And then she slammed back down, before grinding viciously into him. The head of his cock pounded against that sensitive point inside her, driving him swiftly to the brink of his end with all of the stimulation.

He grit his teeth hard, trying with everything to hold off, to wait for her release before indulging in his own, and he managed to hold fast as Six brought one hand between them to rub over her clit.

God, how he wanted to do that for her, but he couldn’t. He had to follow orders. Had to keep his word.

Just a few more thrusts, and thankfully, Six found her release. Her head fell back as her walls clenched wildly around his rock-hard length, and she stifled a groan of… of what?

Was that his name leaving her perfect lips?

As Six groaned out that word, hardly more than a throaty whisper, it crashed lightly against his eardrums, and James was able to make sense of it, make it out. He was able to hear his name.

It had been so long since he heard his name spill from another. It was always sir, Colonel, Hsu, commander, and a slew of other impersonal titles that left him feeling like… Like he wasn't a person. Like he was only his station, only his command, only his authority. Even Six, for all her perfection, all the good she's done for him personally, for knowing him so well, so intimately, he could never recall his first name leaving her like this.

It was enough to send James spiraling over the edge, and he pulled her off his lap just as his cock began to spew out his milky, white release in frantic spurts. He allowed himself the indulgence of moaning her name out in return as his hips twitched and his cock pulsed between their writhing bodies.

In the end, Six collapsed on top of him, her body half on the mattress and half thrown over his as she caught her breath, and as he spilled the last bits of his seed out onto his clenching stomach.

A few final tremors went through the both of them, until finally, the dark cloud of intensity lifted and left them both light, both airy, both… happy.

James didn’t often feel happy these days. But that’s what he felt now, as Six settled in at his side, her arms curling around him, one leg settled between his, her fidgeting foot sliding over one of his calves as they both came down from their blissful highs.

“Thank you, Six.” Hsu spoke softly, still catching his breath as his affectionate gaze locked to her closed lids.

“Mm. My pleasure, sir.”

A grin tugged at his lips.

We’re back. Back to Colonel and Soldier.

It had been so stressful, not two hours ago, to think of himself that way; that way, in relation to Six, but now, with a clear mind, with that need to please effectively satisfied– for the time being, at least– he could be Colonel again. He didn’t feel the need to shy from it, to escape the title, the responsibility, as he had earlier that same day.

“I…” Hsu started, biting at his lip as a blush rose to his cheeks. “I hope you know, too, Six, that… Well, I wasn’t lying.”

Her eyebrows scrunched at that as she looked tiredly up at him.

“Hm?”

“I’d still like to keep my word. My promise to… to please you. In whatever way you wish.”

He heard an amused puff of air leave her nose, and Six’s grip over his chest tightened.

“I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Right now though, you want to know what would please me most?”

“Tell me.” He drew a hand up to gently swipe a strand of hair from where it fell over her face.

“If we both got some sleep.”

“Mm.” Hsu nodded in agreement, wrapped an arm around her warm body, and drew her close. “That would please me too.”

#fallout #fallout companions #fallout npcs #fallout new vegas #fallout new vegas companions #fallout nv #fnv npcs #fnv #fonv #colonel hsu #hsu fonv #james hsu #courier six #f!six #james hsu x six #kinktober #kinktober 2022 #dwd.nsfw

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artekai · 2 years

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lying + pancake + moon + spider + clover + megaphone (v curious abt voice claims if you have any 👀) + present + package + rainbow + red heart + green heart for kai!!!!!!!!!!

Hell yeah!!! Thank you so much my beloved!!!!!!! 😘

Under the cut because I got a bit carried away, haha! ^^

🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

He's not a great liar, but he's not Ann lol. Something he tends to do when he has to lie is that he anchors himself in a half truth as a base, if that makes sense? It's easier to pretend when not all of it is a lie. As for tells, hmm 🤔 I feel like his eyes dart around a lot more. As in, glancing at you to watch your reaction but only for a few seconds before you get suspicious, that kinda stuff.

(I feel like the difference between him lying and him being honestly vulnerable is that when he's opening up in earnest he'll mostly avoid looking at you out of embarrassment. He's more over the place when he's lying, you know?)

He probably also just does what he usually does when he's nervous, but that's easier to mistake for honest vulnerability, heh ^^

🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast?

Oh, I haven't really thought much about it... 🤔 I do know he's a fan of protein, and the only thing he knows how to cook in the P5R AU is eggs (because pet chickens...) so maybe that? Scrambled eggs? ^^

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

For Artekai, probably to die for a greater cause. I just think he hasn't found a moment significant enough. And he's already come this far, where isn't he willing to go? I definitely think that what he truly wants is a life purpose, he's just channeling it towards death (if that makes sense) because, even after learning he's not a bridge between humans and machines like he thought, he still idolizes Banukai and wants to die fighting for others just like her.

(I do think he would've died protecting Beta with Varl if Fross hadn't been there to stop him. But I digress)

And Kaito... he just wants to be able to protect his loved ones :') And all of the time and effort he's put into his training shows what he's willing to do to protect them. He doesn't want to lose anyone else ;-; (he'd also be willing to sacrifice himself to protect others though, it's just not his end goal)

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

His biggest fears are both being abandoned and being forgotten. I think there's a pretty clear link between his trauma and his fears for both versions of him hehe ^^

I can't think of any irrational fears he has rn, hmm...

🍀 CLOVER - do they believe in luck? are they lucky?

Hmmmmmm I'm a bit torn on this one, but I'll say (tentatively) that I think Artekai believes in luck more than Kaito does 🤔

I've always had this idea that Artekai always carries an animal talisman on him for good luck (yeah it's because that's how I play HZD asdfghgfd sorry) but... huh. Now that I think about it, it might be for comfort more than for good luck. You know, because sometimes it's grounding to just touch a thing ^^ But hey, it's probably a mix of both.

As for Kaito, he's been getting ready for something bad to happen ever since the Rumi incident. I think it's inevitable to him. Not a matter of good or bad luck, but just... life is hard and something is bound to happen to everyone. You know? You win some, you lose some. Idk.

Both of them believe in skill more than luck, but I think the difference is that Artekai is playing with the odds way more than Kaito does 🤔Does that make sense?

Either way, he's not very lucky, but he's certainly luckier than those who didn't make it out with their lives at least :')

📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?

He's loud! :D He's loud and youthful and cheerful and a great singer ^^

I haven't thought of a voice claim for him though 😔 He can't have the same voice as Takuto as he's not on HRT... But I haven't really gone looking as I feel like I'd be too picky with Kai specifically :/ sorry bestie 😔

🎁 PRESENT - what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

I think Kai really loves homemade gifts! And I think he holds himself up to that same standard, haha. He's not good at arts and crafts, but he'll try his best when he wants to show his appreciation for someone he loves ^^

📦 PACKAGE - what are some "most likely to..." that can apply to them?

Hmmmmmmmmm 🤔

I'm totally not looking up ideas lol

Most likely to run off and attempt to live off the grid? (I guess in this one he'd be tied with Aloy in the Horizon AU but hey)

Most likely to accidentally kill someone? (ok that got dark quick)

Most likely to do weird things in public?

Most likely to attempt to flirt with a stranger?

Most likely to punch a wall?

Most likely to run away to join the circus?

🌈 RAINBOW - what advice would they give to their younger self?

Hmm. It depends on what era Kai is currently in and how young is the younger self he's talking to. But, as a baseline, train hard, cherish the ones you love, and keep them close? 🤔 It's not too different to what his younger self was already doing, but I don't think he'd do much differently (with the information he had at the time, if that makes sense). He did his best with what he had and it was a learning experience and he's content with that ^^

Though I can picture him asking his younger self to try to be less petty and let go of grudges. Like, for P5R!Kai, he lost a lot of valuable time he could've had with his dad pushing him away and refusing any attempts to connect out of spite :(

❤️ RED HEART - their love language(s)?

Out of the classic ones, I feel like it's quality time (especially for receiving) and a close second is acts of service (but especially for giving)!!!

I think it's clear that words of affirmation alone don't do it for Kai, you need to show that you really do want him around, that you appreciate his presence and want to create memories with him. It's here where Takuto comes up short in the P5R AU, and also why Artekai's so obsessed with Fross, who just clings to him like a moth to a flame.

(I guess the opposite would be his hate language too lol. When he gets pissed, he straight up just leaves lol)

As for acts of service, I'm putting "training hard and polishing his fighting skills so he can protect his loved ones" in this category. His first aid knowledge too. They might not be errands, but it's the very best thing Kai can do for you! ^^

I like to look at Frosskai's humble beginnings as an example of how Kai shows love ^^ Aside from patching Fross up after accidentally stabbing him, hehe, one of the first things he did was go hunting to get breakfast just for him. And to show him he could provide for him, hehe. Artekai will hunt for you! He'll get you furs to keep you warm during winter! He'll find shelter for you in the wilds! Maybe that blurs the lines a bit with gift giving, but it's mostly about the survival skills, you know? He didn't just learn those for himself but to be able to protect those around him ;-;

As for non-traditional ones!! Love love love the idea of his love language including doing other people's hair and face paint. Especially weak for the idea of P5R!Kai braiding Sumi's hair and Horizon!Kai helping Aloy with her face paint :3 And I also like thinking of P5R!Kai becoming a hairdresser when he grows up! (he would not only enjoy it but he could be the most trans-friendly hairdresser around. Just saying ^^)

But I guess those sit at the intersection between quality time and acts of service so it checks out! :D

💚 GREEN HEART - what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food?

Well, I headcanon that, when his hair is in a braid, he tends to grab it or play with it when he's nervous, so we could interpret that as him being comforted when people play with his hair ^^ It'd definitely align with his love languages :3

But he's also one for keeping his mind occupied. I feel like playing the drums and practicing archery genuinely help him unwind. It's the familiarity of it, you know?

There's also music. Since I first thought of the P5R AU, I had this idea that, when things get really, really bad, like bad enough to not be able to distract himself with anything else, what he does is he huddles up in a corner (it's safer if no one can sneak up from behind) and slips on his headphones to avoid the silence :')

#ask tag #akeshuharu #THANK YOU MY LOVE!!!! ❤️ these were all very fun to talk about!! :D #(sorry i took so long tho!)#i'm getting so soft for him now......... my precious boy ;;;-;;;#oc: artekai #kaito maruki #oc tag #horizon au #p5r au #phantom thief kai au #long post

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despairandregretentertainment · 2 years

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Illumination || Jun || Trial 3.3 || RE: Rafe, Sorano

There was just… so much. Too much going on. The trial had devolved into chaos. Loud, aggressive arguments left and right. Who was more threatening? Who was the worst person? Who ultimately deserved to die here? In his vulnerable state, he couldn’t bring himself to listen to it all. He tried to drown it all out by hiding away in his head, but the sound of Aurora’s voice brought him back to the commons.

Slowly, Jun looked up at Aurora, and down at the cloth she left on the ground for him. Then, to his side, his trusted teammate, Chris. These people… They cared for him. Did he deserve it? He still couldn’t say, but it was a warm feeling that offered him solace in this chilling atmosphere. Through the tears, he couldn’t help the weak smile that glowed through his medical mask. “Thank you…” He said, reaching down for the shawl, and placing it on his lap. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with it, and he didn’t want to dirty it with his tears or anything, so it just sat there, unused. Just having it as a token of Aurora’s kindness was enough.

Of course, that comfort couldn’t last long with the trial, especially in its current state, at hand. He wasn’t ready to get involved again, but alas, he was dragged back in by Lister’s insistence on the matter of Jun’s sacrifice. He was at least fortunate enough to have Chris by his side, defending him. That offered him a level of calm he wouldn’t have otherwise. Rather than blow up again, he just gave Lister a cold, indignant stare.

“Rafe. Lister. I might not have as much life left to live as the others here do, but I haven’t lived yet to begin with; are you going to try to end the life of someone whose life has just begun?” Ah, the callback to Lister’s initial attempt to get Jun to offer himself up. “You’ve already played on my conscience. And I’m aware of the way this trial is going. All of this is your fault; if you hadn’t suggested that I die here, then no one would be arguing like this. You’re the one that endangered Willow, after also endangering Capernica by accusing her. We need to get to the truth of the matter before deciding anything, and no one’s presented anything definitive yet.” Lister kinda did, but… Jun wasn’t going to acknowledge that. “And killing an innocent person, no matter how we feel about them, unprompted, would make us just as bad as any killer before us.” He glanced at Sephirot. “Making the incorrect decision to ensure that you thrive… To fuck over the innocent… That’s something Tomo would do. And anyone that takes the easy way out of this by not confronting the truth, and instead choosing to damn someone else for no good reason, is a selfish person no one should be willing to deal with. Nothing's settled yet. There's still more to discuss.”

He returned his attention to Lister, and narrowed his eyes. “You claim that you last wore that butler outfit with Momo. That hair isn’t hers. It’s too long to be hers, and her hair is darker than what was left on the suit. It had to come from somewhere else. But you have no explanation for it. And no one else has come forward to explain it.” His eyes fell upon one member of the group to the next, mulling over the possibilities. Finally, his features softened, and he looked sadly down at the shawl in his lap. “... No. No one but you should’ve been able to access the suit if it were sealed in your locker. Not until investigation…” He sighed.

“The hair in Peach’s hand didn’t come from a natural struggle. If he had pulled at his attacker’s hair during the struggle, then there would’ve been more hair present than just the few strands we found. And the killer would’ve known that Peach had their hair, and removed it from the scene. The hair was planted.”

“Chris, Aurora, Chloe, and I have been cleared because of our alibis. That leaves Kei, Willow, Capernica, Lister, and Sephirot.” He wasn’t going to acknowledge the last two by their real names. Sorry. “If the hair was planted in Peach’s hand, then the killer wouldn’t have used hair similar to their own, eliminating Willow. If Kei were the killer, which was already unlikely because of her passing out in the atrium at the time I saw she did, then she wouldn’t have used hair similar to Willow’s, either. That leaves Capernica, Lister, and Sephirot.”

“The hair on Lister’s butler outfit… If we’re to believe that he last wore it with Momo, and the hair on it isn’t Momo’s, then the hair wouldn’t have gotten on it until after it was returned to his locker. No one else has spoken up to explain how the hair could’ve gotten there, so there’s no reason to believe that he lied about wearing it around anyone else recently. And if Lister were the killer, he wouldn’t place some hair on his belongings to incriminate himself. Nor would the hair have gotten there naturally if no one’s spoken up about it. But lockers were sealed until the investigation… So someone must’ve planted it there during the investigation. For them to be able to plant it, however, assuming our lockers were unlocked for evidence purposes, then that means that there already was evidence in one of our lockers.”

As Jun went on, his voice got weaker and weaker, reflecting the revelation he was gradually coming to.

“... Our group got to the tower first. Can anyone in the other investigation group confirm whether or not anyone had broken off from the group at any point before going to the tower? You apparently broke up after getting to the tower, but what about before? As outlined already, our group has not. If your group didn’t, then that hair would’ve been planted when our group got there, and…” He glanced at Chris, and sighed again before lowering his head and shaking it.

“... L-Let’s do wound checks, okay?” He softly, meekly suggested. It was unnecessary now. But maybe, just maybe… One last ditch effort could change things somehow.

Slowly, Jun stood up, accompanied by Aurora, who volunteered to help out.

#submission

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linkspooky · 3 years

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TOJI AND MAKI

The parallels between the two outcasts of the zenin clan have already been pointed out plenty of times in canon, for example they're both incredibly buff. However, I thought I would take a deeer look at both characters, as they share both a role as the abused child that destroys the system that created them, and the same fatal flaw.

1. The Child Who is Not Embraced by the Village Will Burn it Down to Feel its Warmth

"The Ones who Walk Away from Omelas" is a 1973 work of short philosophical fiction, about a summer festival in the utopian ity of OMelas, whose prosperity depends on the perpetual misery of a single child. The idea is written around the idea of the scapegoat, a reoccurring trope in stories where someone innocent is blamed, or outcast for the mistakes of other characters.

All of this to say that both Maki and Toji represent the archetype of the scapegoats of their generation. Just like the child of Omelas, all of the problems in the Zenin household are blamed on one child.

This is something Ogi does to Maki directly, and also Naoya recognizes that the other members of the clan did to Toji. They were unable to face their own inferiority, so they blamed it on a scapegoat. Ogi blames his failure to become the head of the clan on his children. The entire clan is unable to recognize Toji's strength, because it would make them question their traditionally held notions of strength, Toji requires the use of weapons and can fight without cursed techniques, which means the cursed techniques they were born with don't make them inherently better with other people.

This is also related to Gojo's criticisms of Jujutsu Society at large, of which the Zenin Household is a very toxic microcosm of. Gojo's critique is that the previous generation will sacrifice the lives of the younger generation, to maintain their power, and in the name of pointless tradition. In the Zenin family "tradition" is the idea that inherited curse technique determines a person's worth.

Their entire system is built around one, keeping cursed techniques in the clan, and two, passing down inherited curse techniques from father to child. Which would go farther to explain the treatment of women by the clan, but we're not getting into that this time. Basically, the "peace" and the "superiority" of the household are built on the idea of marking and scapegoating an outsider, that is anyone who doesn't fit in with the clan's traditions. "If you are not of the Zenin Clan you are not a sorcerer, and if you are not a sorcerer then you are not even Human". That quote alone should explain how Maki and Toji were both treated as subhuman 'monkeys' by everyone around them.

However, the story shows us by both Toji and Maki snapping how terrible these abusive power structures are. One person cannot handle all of that alone, so they snap. Of course they snap. It's not a sign of who Toji and Maki are as people, but rather how no one deserves to be treated that way. A major reocurring theme in Jujutsu Kaisen is no one person alone, can take responsibility for everything, not even Gojo who is the strongest can save everyone he wants to save or be responsible for all of society he needs allies too. Toji, and Maki without allies, they snap and lash out against the same abusive power structure that created them. They are so thoroughly othered by everyone around them, that they embrace their own inhumanity, Maki becomes a weapon bent on killing her family even murdering her own mother, and Toji outright calls himself a monkey.

This is also why Toji is referred to as the "destroyer of destinies" there are two reasons for this. One, Gege is making a thematic point here. The abusive system built on othering and excluding children among other things doesn't actually provide the stability it promises. The center does not hold. The abuse of the system perpetuates and only leads to more destruction. Toji's outcasting isn't something that just hurt Toji alone, everyone felt the consequences of it because the abusive system proliferates and only causes further destruction. The second reason is a Jungian idea on which the story is based on. Toji himself is much like a curse created by the actions of his entire family. If Mahito is created from the fear humans have for each other and acts as the shadow of humanity representing their dark side, Toji metaphorically represents the combined shadow and dark side of the zenin clan. In Watch Man, Rorsarch monologues about how the accumulated filth of all of the abuses that happen in the city will one day rise up and affect everyone.

"This city is afraid of me, I have seen it's true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will form up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout save us and I'll look down and whisper no."

This is expressing the same Jungian idea, a society that ignores these problems will only cause the muck to rise up further and further until it affects everyone. The Zenin clan was a microcosm for the abuses of Jujutsu Society as a whole, they weren't the only ones affected by their abuse because abuse perpetuates. They endured it until they snapped and then acted out that abuse. The Jungian idea put forth is that this sort of reckoning was always going to happen, as long as the Zenin clan continues to create these outcasts in order to hold themselves up as superior, another Toji will happen.

2. Love is the Worst Curse of Them All

Toji and Maki also share the same flaw as people. Their abuse revolved around the idea of outcasting them from the rest of the family, othering them, continually putting them down and also most likely not even doing the job of raising them as children or providing them with the help they needed. We don't see much of it, but in the databook apparently Toji regularly had cursed spirits sicked on him to mock him, and Maki was locked in the cursed spirit room as punishment.

This taught them not only do they need to be strong on their own, but also in order to prove themselves they both thought they needed to be stronger than anyone else in the clan. Toji left Jujutsu Society as a whole, whereas Maki just left the house, both of them with the motivation of proving themselves stronger than the people who looked down on them.

This strong sense of individualism is their greatest strength, and also their weakness, as the situation is more complicated than being stronger than a bully. Maki and Toji are made to feel alone because of their abuse, however, neither Maki nor Toji suffer their abuse alone.

Mai was abused right alongside Maki, they were both outcasts due to being twins. There's no point in arguing which one of them had it worse, because Ogi was perfectly willing to kill both daughters right alongside each other. Maki does and doesn't remember that Mai is right alongside her in her abuse, it's... a bit complicated.

I mention this because Makiaated reason why is that she would have hated herself if she stayed inside that household with Maki. She put pursuit of becoming a stronger sorcerer above her relationship with her sister.

Maki later states "I can't create a place where Mai would feel like she belongs". I don't believe that was always her intention from the start that she secretly left the household for Mai's sake, and wanted to get stronger to create a place where Mai belongs, because Maki's always been really clear she was doing it for her own sake. I think rather after the loss she suffered in Shibuya, and also the fight she had with her sister in the school met, that she came to change her mind and realized she wasn't just in this alone. She changed her mind, that she wanted to be together with Mai, but she didn't change it in time and tragedy struck.

I mention this because Maki and Toji both share the same tragic flaw. Both of them have no idea how to be close even to the people they love, so they end up pushing away the ones they love the most. Maki continually shows behavior of pushing away Mai, and in Toji's case he does everything he can to try to show himself he doesn't love his son.

Maki continually pushes away her sister Mai. Mai reacts to getting pushed away in a not-so-healthy way. Toji full on deadbeats his son. He doesn't raise him or participate in his life to the point where Megumi can't remember his face or name at all. Toji did everything he could to try to give Megumi to someone else, anyone else other than him and avoided his responsibility as a father.

It doesn't come from malice on Toji and Maki's part, but rather it's a less savory aspect of their abuse. Both Toji and Maki believe themselves to be worthless, and that they can't be accepted or loved. They've internalized the way the clan has treated them. They are so isolated that this comes out in how they treated their closest loved ones, their response is to always push them away and isolate themselves further. Toji narrates this, he chose to throw his son aside because he wanted to affirm himself and prove that he was better than Jujutsu Society. Maki says to Mai that she left the house and left Mai because staying would have meant hating herself.

They are both trying desperately to prove themselves as individually strong, to the point where loving anyone else, or even requiring that love from someone is a weakness. They prove they are strong by avoiding the vulnerability of loving someone else. Toji and Maki both try to separate themselves from their heart in order to become even more physically stronger. For Toji his heart was his son Megumi who he did everything to distance himself, forgetting his name, selling him to the Zenin clan, while at the same time paradoxically believing that he was somehow protecting Megumi and arranging for things that would have been better than Toji just stepping up as a father and taking care of him.

At the same time Maki pushes Mai away when Mai does not want that, and believes that also she can return to the clan and make it a safe place for her sister by being individually stronger than everyone else.

They both approach their loved ones this way, because they were taught that one, they are unworthy of love, and they choose to try to get stronger by throwing away anything that might make them vulnerable.

TWhich is why Maki breaks so hard, and lashes out at everyone when Mai is gone, because Maki believed that keeping Mai separate from herself and protecting her was her way of showing love.

However, Mai and Megumi are like... people. They're people entirely separate from Maki and Toji and also affected by their actions. Megumi was neglected his entire lives, whereas Mai didn't get to have a relationship with her sister and felt like she was worthless and only holding her sister back. This is the central idea of Toji and Maki's abuse narrative, that abuse is complicated, and abuse proliferates and hurts people you don't even intend for it to hurt. It has consequences. Megumi suffers the consequences of the Zenin family's abuse because it turned Toji into such an unfit and emotionally immature father. Mai was being abused alongside Maki, and even ended up dying from her abuser's hand as her father Ogi beat her half to death and locked her in a room. Now, as a consequence Maki is lashing out at everything around her. That's also why the connection between Toji and Maki is drawn, to show that as long as the abusive institution still stands, it's just going to keep creating more outcasts like Toji and Maki.

#toji zenin #maki zenin #jujutsu sorcerer #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen theory #zenin maki #mai zenin #zenin mai #megumi fushigoro #fushigoro megumi

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spoopy-fish-writes · 2 years

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Lancelot, Jonah, and Sirius for letters B and X? ( ˘ ³˘)♥

—B and X with Lancelot, Jonah, and Sirius

Suitor(s): Lancelot, Jonah and Sirius

TW: Mentions of war, mentions of Lancelot being willing to sacrifice you if necessary (I don't know what to say that is specifically)

Notes: Sorry for how long this took but I also definitely needed some red army fluff right about now 💜 || I finished the X bit for Lancelot aaaaaages ago and posted it as its own hc because I liked it a lot so that's what that bit might be familiar to you guys

—Lancelot

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

♡ A friendship with him would not start consciously on either side

♡ More of just a casual agreement between the two of you as he gradually comes to accept your presence around him

♡ As a best friend, Lancelot is a lot more open with you that he is with others

♡ You get to see the side of him that no one else gets to see, being able to see him more relaxed that most would ever be able to and looking less like the heartless king that most people got to see him as and more as just another person who has too many responsibilities piled on his shoulders but he's still fairly reserved with you

♡ He can't just let his walls down that easily but you get to know him on a slightly deeper level

♡ He lets you know what kind of pastimes he enjoys indulging in, allows you to find out what kind of food he enjoys, something that he probably wouldn't have found out without your help, and let's you see him in a state more vulnerable than he's used to being in

♡ In turn, he'll protect you though to a limited extent because of his role as king, and spoil you in ways that are much too discreet for anyone to notice, little gifts that, over time, accumulate to make your life more comfortable and easier to live

♡ But you have to be aware that he is willing to do anything for the safer and more stable Cradle that he wishes for, emphasising that point whenever he feels that you're getting too close

♡ A friendship with the king like one that you would have is something to be cherished because, even if he keeps you at arms length despite what he lets you see and, even if you know that it could end at any second for the sake of the world that he wants to build for the sake of the people, it's something that very few will ever get to experience

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

♡ Lance sometimes, not very often but sometimes, feels really insecure about his red eyes when he uses magic

♡ As much as he outwardly portrays that he's fine with being perceived as a monster, a part of him hates that people don't see him as the leader he wishes he could be

♡ One that they can trust and be comfortable with and seeing those red eyes just makes him think that all of those people are right

♡ So, some days, after he's used magic, he refuses to even look at himself in the mirror for fear of seeing red eyes and being reminded of the monster that he has forced himself to become, or, more accurately, act as

♡ Because of this, on these days, Jonah will come and help him with a while self care routine set up

♡ He won't force Lance but he'll knock on his door and then leave a basket of products and instructions outside his room, even sometimes putting blue contacts in the basket so he can make sure that Lance knows that he won't see red eyes when he looks into the mirror

♡ He'll be hesitant about it, but he likes to ask you for help with this routine because, more often than not, he will use the products and follow the instructions that Jonah has left him

♡ Having you there with him and reassuring thin that there is nothing for you to fear from him is comforting, especially when he can feel your hands almost cleansing away the feeling of self hatred that clings to him

—Jonah

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

♡ You have to be rather special to be able to become friends with the queen of hearts

♡ Jkjk, but friendships with Jonah start off kind of rocky

♡ He's usually a lot of ordering and more authority than most would like because he takes his job very seriously and strives only for perfection so expects everyone to follow his words to the T so there is a considerable amount of bickering initially

♡ He's offended that you would ever dare to question him so expect a lot of complaining and self righteousness at the start but it's the humbling that allows him to trust you

♡ Sometimes the two of you hit with rather low blows but it's being able to see each other emotional and so out of character that builds up the trust that Jonah is so dependant on

♡ He isn't one to intentionally upset people but he can have a rather sharp tongue so you'll have to find a way to work around that without tearing yourself down for him and he's just grateful to have someone who sees him for more than just the perfect queen - even though he would rather choke than say it - that isn't deterred too much by his bossy attitude

♡ However, once he considers you his friend, consciously or not, you are pampered, seriously

♡ Not to an extreme extent but he's more conscious of your likes and dislikes, gives you little gifts and self care tips and trust me this guy has some of the best tips to offer

♡ Just make sure that you don't knock him too far off his high horse. A friendship with him needs to be equal give and take so you both need to be concious at least a little of what you guys say to each other

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

♡ Jonah is really perceptive if the differences between different fabrics

♡ He can tell just through how it looks whether something is 100% polyester or a polyester and cotton blend with a scary amount of accuracy and has certain fabrics that he likes more than others both in how they feel and how they look

♡ All of his clothes are so ridiculously comfortable because he only gets the fabrics that he know feel nice and look nice because he is not about to put his appearance over his comfort

♡ He isn't too willing to have it the other way around either so he creates a balance and it shows. There is no such thing as too much because he will comission clothing just to get a nice blazer, he's not about to look or feel shabby

♡ Your clothing is half of your confidence and he's not about to let his wane at all

♡ His wardrobe is organised based on the fabric and the occasion and he has a pile of clothes that he'll let you steal if you ever want to wear something of his

—Sirius

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

♡ He is still very much the mum friend

♡ It would definitely just start with general conversations and meetings

♡ Despite how intimidating he can look, he's surprisingly easy to get a long with just because of how caring he is, making sure that you're okay, if you've eaten, if you've drank water or if you've gotten enough sleep

♡ A friendship between the two of you wouldn't even necessarily be voiced, he just kind of adopts anyone and everyone because that's just how he is

♡ He's more easy going with you as a friend, still just as mothering with how cautious he is around you with his role in the army and whatnot and making sure that you don't get hurt but honestly just a really good friend

♡ He's a tad bit stricter with you in comparison to how he is with , say, Ray or Fenrir for example, but it's for your own safety; unlike those two, you (probably) don't have army training

♡ He'll listen if you need to ramble, take you to his family's flower shop of you ever need a space where you can just get away from everything and ignore the whole war thing and expect and want nothing in return

♡ Actually, no, that's a lie

♡ All he wants in return is for you to be safe and happy but he'll prioritise you're safety first just as he does with everyone else

♡ If he needs to hurt your feelings to make sure that you stay out of harm's way, then he will which is arguably easier when you're his friend because he knows you and knows that you're aware that his priority is people's safety

♡ It's one thing that he can clearly have out in the open with you to make sure that you know that he cares about you enough to make sure to let you know that there may be a time where he'll have to push your friendship to the side

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

♡ Sirius most definitely knows the language of flowers and has 99% of the meanings memorised

♡ Everyone in the black army knows this and wanted him to teach them so they could send secret messages through flowers. He said no, of course, but be never actually let go of the idea

♡ Whenever he wants to tell you something small or just wants to be reminded of something sweet whenever he looks at you, he'll choose certain flowers and will make them into a flower crown for you

♡ Whether you understand what he is trying to say or not doesn't make too much of a difference to Sirius since he's glad to just know that he's given you the message and he can see it in you through the flowers but sometimes he slips you little notes to give you hints about what the flowers mean

Tags: @a-chaotic-dumbass @shad0cat @kaeyas-beloved @rurifangirl @ikerevandotherthings @101waystobeadumbass @your-local-ikemen-simp @wtf-0w0 @notapinklasagna @chaosangel767 @fangirlinindia @roses-of-rosalie @character-design-who @kisara-16 @simpingforsatan

If you want to be added or removed from my tag list, dm me, send me an ask off anon or fill out this form

Do not repost, edit or claim. Only reblog 💜

#ikerev #ikemen revolution #ikerev jonah #ikerev sirius #ikerev lancelot #ikerev headcanons #Ikemen sfw alphabet #sfw alphabet #ikerev sfw alphabet #ikerev headcanon #ikemen revolution headcanon

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probablytenderjourneys · 3 years

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THE FOLK OF THE AIR

I went into reading this trilogy with low expectations because I've seen a lot of people saying that it wasn't worth all the hype. I am very pleased to say that those people are very wrong and this trilogy is worth all the hype it has been given, and more.

I love everything about it- the characters are extremely well written, the plot is immaculate and unlike some other series I have read, the sequals did not feel dragged out, or boring in any way; the story is very cohesive and never boring. I love how well developed the enemies to lovers trope is and how Jude and Cardan never really stopped their cute banter.

I love Jude and her growth- she truly becomes Madoc's daughter, with all the resilience and hunger for power that he installed in her. But I also love how she isn't never cruel for the sake of being cruel, and how everything she does is for a purpose. She wants to follow her own dreams and pursue her want and need of power but she also takes into consideration how what she does may affect other people. She is willing to make the diffcult choices, do the wrong things, sacrifice her own heart to achieve what she wants to. She is fierce and powerful and the best part of it is that she knows it. She's confident in her own skills and abilities and even when she doubts herself, she proves herself more and more resourceful than even she would think.

Cardan... so many things I can say about Cardan. He broke my heart. Everything about his story and his life broke my heart, just as Jude's did. However, Jude had her family- she had Taryn, Vivi, and for all its worth Madoc. But Cardan, he never had anyone by his side. Forgotten by his mother, discarded by his father, made a criminal by Dain, abused by Balekin, ignored by his sisters. Even his friends- if anyone can call them that- were by his side for their own reasons. For Locke, being by Cardan's side gave him the thrill he needed, the possibilites of an interesting story arising everyday. Valerian, who was by Cardan's side because it gave him the opportunity to be cruel. I believe Nicasia was the only one who cared for him, truly cared for him, enough to beg Jude to help him in The Queen of Nothing. I just think she realised how much she cared for him way too late, and by then, Cardan finally had other people he could count on. Nicasia might've loved him, but she wasn't there when he needed him most. I like how Cardan's cruelty is not just a product of him being a prince and being able to do whatever he wanted to. His cruelty is the only way he knows to protect his heart. The only times he is in control, is when he hurts others, when he makes them feel insignificant, when it's his words and his actions that cause pain. Just imagine, being forced to live with your abusive brother, who not only hits you, but finds ways to belittle you as much as he can. The court, who is supposed to respect their prince, view him as a fool. He knows he has no way of escaping his life, and he knows that no matter who takes the throne, it won't be good for him. He has lived in fear most of his life, and when it wasn't fear, it was shame, or fury that could not be unleashed on those who deserved it. He was the weak one at his family's hands, especially Balekin's, and so he used what little power he had over those who he saw as weaker than him. Once he becomes king however, he does not rule by cruelty. Because of Jude, of course, but also because he simply might not be as inclined to cruelty now that he isn't the most vulnerable member of his family. He's not frightened anymore, or at least not as frightened as he was before, and therefore has little need to be cruel every chance he had. And his feelings for Jude are even more overwhelming once you realise that of course he doesn't know how to deal with these big emotions he is feeling- he never experienced love, no one ever gave it to him- so how could he know what it looks like, how it truly feels like, what to do with it except bury it under cruel acts and remarks? He knew he cared for Jude, falling in love with her, so he started to feel vulnerable because of it and decided to protect his heart the only way he knew how.

What I like best about Jude and Cardan's dynamic is that they understand each other. Like truly understand each other; they can see their own feelings mirrored into each other- the fear, the vulnerability, the need to protect themselves, the shame of not knowing how to do so- it's all there for the other to see and recognize. They simply had dfferent ways of coping. In the end, they do complete each other so well and become what the other needs and wants. They rely on the fact that one has what the other lacks, and it works incredibly well. Their relationships doesn't take away from who they are, but much rather enhances what is already there. The only thing I wanted to see more of was the two of them being vulnerable to each other- I would've loved to see Jude and Cardan talk about her time with Queen Orlagh, or her being stabbed by Madoc. I have so many thoughts that it is difficult to put them into words, so I'll just add some of my favourite quotes.

'If I cannot be better than them, I will become so much worse.'

'Instead of being afraid, I could become something to fear.'

'Sweet Jude. You are my dearest punishment.'

'Mortals are fragile.

Not you. You never break.'

'After all, being born mortal is like being born already dead.'

'Cardan won't forgive you for what you're doing with her.'

'Kiss me again, he says drunk and foolish. Kiss me until I am sick of it.'

'If you're the sickness, I suppose you can't also be the cure.' '

'If he thought I was bad, I would be worse. If he thought I was cruel, I would be horrifying.'

'I have heard that for mortals, the feeling of falling in love is very like the feeling of fear. Your heart beats fast. Your senses are heightened. You grow light-headed, maybe even dizzy.'

'By you, I am forever undone.'

#the cruel prince #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #holly black #cardanandjude #cardan greenbriar #jude duarte #quotes #the folk of the air #faerie

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sweetiebriar · 2 years

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Will Mads Mikkelsen be a convincing Gellert Grindelwald?

Okay, I just rewatched some of the Marvel movies and suddenly remembered that it was Mads Mikkelsen who was playing one of the villains in Doctor Strange, which made me think back to Fantastic Beasts and his upcoming role as Gellert Grindelwald in the movies franchise, and really… I wanted to share my thoughts on this, so here I am:

— Like some other fans of the franchise, I chose to boycott the next FB movies out of principle for what happened to Johnny D. but also for other reasons that only concern myself (I’ll however read the screenplays books). Nonetheless, this doesn't prevent me from wishing all the best for the saga as well as for all the viewers who will watch the next instalments, and unfortunately, I fear that the interpretation of Mr Mikkelsen of Grindelwald's character won’t be up to it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about acting skills here, but about his understanding of the character and his way of showing it on screen.

— In fact, I'm afraid that he will only interpret him as an umpteenth villain like any others, without grasping his depth and complexity. As good an actor as Mr Mikkelsen is (I confess I don't really know him. I just know his reputation as Hannibal Lecter, and his portrayal of Kaecilius in Doctor Strange has satisfied me although I admit to having been left hungry for more), I feel (and hope to be proven wrong) that he won't be able to get everything that makes that Grindelwald CANNOT just be listed as a villain.

It's something that can be read so often in newspaper articles, with critics, or even on his Wikia page, Gellert Grindelwald is described as a nemesis, a mighty wizard who sought only to destroy the world and rule on a wizarding supremacist society. He is like a poorly written first version of Voldemort. But true fans of the universe know this better than anyone, that's not what Grindelwald stands for...

— Call me a fangirl if you want, I am not defending his actions, but we all know very well that there is more to his actions than what he chooses to show to everyone. Gellert Grindelwald is not a being devoid of compassion, nor is he devoid of regret, much less devoid of love. He is poles apart from Voldemort/Tom Riddle. He's a man of many facets, facets that he reveals only to a few, if not to none. He chooses to wear a different mask for each person he speaks to.

He can be cruel, but his cruelty stems above all from his belief that vulnerability is a weakness. He's fighting for a cause that he sincerely believes is right. He's willing to do anything for it, including doing unforgivable acts, making sacrifices, and surrounding himself with the worst people there are.

Too often, I see him being described as some kind of psychopath, a sociopath who doesn't care about anything or anyone, but that's wrong… He's a man who loved and who was betrayed, a man who dreamed to create a world where wizards and muggles would live together as one, and where wizards would no longer have to hide. A society that Albus Dumbledore believed in with the hope that what had happened to his sister Ariana would never happen again, before realising that such a utopia was impossible...

— Anyway, all that to say that behind this character with a cold and detached appearance hides someone, much, much more difficult to define. A man who refuses to let his weaknesses show through, who is ready to sacrifice himself for the cause in which he chooses to believe (small reminder that he gave his life to prevent Voldemort from knowing the location of the Elder Wand and stoping him from desecrating Dumbledore's grave), and who is far from revealing all his cards (Tbh, I suspect that this whole Greater Good revolution thing is just a pretext and that he has actually a secret agenda on his own).

And yet, I fear that Mads Mikkelsen won't understand all of these intricate things that make Grindelwald such a fascinating and incredible character. I'm afraid that, unlike Johnny Depp who understood that the character had a hidden side (hence the idea of having eyes of different colours, black and white like light and darkness), Mads M. sees in him only one of those power-hungry and fascist villains whose his film repertoire is so full of...

— There you go… Sorry for the monstrous length of this stuff, I think I just needed to clear my mind of these unanswered questions… I just wish for Grindelwald's character not to get bad-categorised because of a simple change of actor…

Once again, I have absolutely nothing against Mr Mikkelsen, I've no doubts about his acting skills, I just hope he'll live up to such a difficult character as Gellert Grindelwald. I know that I might stumble upon some refractors and detractors to my thoughts, even haters, but I take the risk of leaving the comments of this post open. You are free to give me your opinion on this.

Please remain courteous to each other and myself though, thank you very much! 💞

— Ask

— Follow up

#fantastic beasts #fantastic beats and where to find them #fantastic beasts crimes of grindelwald #fantastic beasts secrets of dumbledore #thoughts #reflexions #mads mikkelsen #gellert grindelwald #albus dumbledore #johnny depp #change of actor #warner bros #interpretation #will Mads be a good grindelwald?#just thinkin #johnny depp is my grindelwald

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cancerjupiter · 4 years

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astro notes: neptune edition (pt. 1)

neptune represents issues which are frequently unconscious, so all of this may operate without your awareness. if projected, the negative aspects of neptune become more emphasised. the more you reject it in your own life, the more likely it is that you’ll meet it in exaggerated ways outside yourself.

neptune in the 1st house

tends to be the kind of person who waits and sees, but your outward behavior doesn’t begin to describe what goes on inside. you feel connected to your environment because you’re aware of subtle energies, you pick up impressions from others they’re usually unaware to be giving. you find yourself in the uncomfortable position of knowing (beyond a verbal level) what others’ unconscious motivations are, what’s hidden behind their civility. you tend to be very idealistic, preferring to live in harmony: peaceful non-demanding relationships and quiet and aesthetically pleasing surroundings. you choose to think kindly of others, whether they reciprocate or not; your sensitivity gives you a natural compassion. you can be most charming, often whimsical, sometimes romantic, and usually empathic. you seem approachable and often receptive to a degree others find startling and deeply gratifying (if not a little scary lol). you want life to be perfect for yourself and others, and your desire for a better world can be channeled into artistic creative pursuits, social work, or mere daydreaming.

you often struggle with personal identity. you may be so open to others that you pick up their moods without realising it. you tend to mimic, unconsciously, the strong characteristics of the last person you were with. don’t become an emotional sponge; define your emotional boundaries and accept it is necessary for your growth to establish a firm identity. another thing i noticed about you is that you guys don’t mind suffering; no, i’m not saying you don’t hate it (everyone does!) but you seem to accept it when you don’t have to. you put others first and feel that it’s best to sacrifice your own well-being than to be responsible for someone else’s suffering.

there’s almost always a strong awareness of and interest in spiritual energies with this placement. you may actually be psychic, whether or not you’re comfortable with the ability. you may deeply religious, although not conventionally since institutions don’t satisfy you; you feel at home with a belief system you know, from personal experience, exists. your lack of interest in the real world can lead you into seriously bad habits like drug abuse or eating disorders and due to your dislike of physical activity, this can quickly damage your (often sensitive) health. alternatively, this placement can also lead to arrogance, depending on the sun and midheaven placements/aspects.

neptune in the 2nd house

you tend to be idealistic with the use of money and personal resources, not terribly attached to them. you look at them as temporary and although sad to part with something you own, you can let it go where others simply cannot. there’s an indifferent attitude towards finances, income and etc. some of you are v generous and will give things away to people who can truly admire it, believing nothing truly belongs to anyone. this outlook satisfies you greatly, making you easygoing but also easily being taken advantage of. this sort of gives you a fairy-tale attitude towards your money - it’s either always there when needed, or simply one of the world’s idiotic, materialistic preoccupations. you may be unpractical or simply forgetful with resources; not willing to sit down and figure what’s the best buy and choosing to go with intuition. purchases usually go by what you want rather than what you can afford (my friend has no idea how much is on her bank acc and doesn’t care to figure it out. she just doesn’t care lol). you should actually read the small print in contracts and not trust just anyone with your money.

alternatively, there may be a strong tendency to overvalue material things (neptune = beliefs in the house of money and possessions), specially if there’s an earth emphasis in the chart, making you inclined to putting great care and time into upkeep. you usually want your things to look aesthetic™️.

there’s also a strong creative tendency; it may be expressed in various forms but it will certainly be inherent. you need at least periodic access to music and inspiration, including the outdoors where you can soak up peace and serenity. since the 2nd house also relates to sensual pleasures, you probably expect these to provide a kind of ultimate ecstasy. in short, this placement forces you to face up to your tendencies to create illusions about money, possessions, sex, or creative pursuits. don’t expect more from them than they can provide.

neptune in the 3rd house

on one level, this placement can confuse and scatter the brain, giving it vagueness and disorganized thinking. sometimes, however, the mind exhibits uncanny insights into the subtleties of the environment. you sense the hidden nuances and meanings behind what’s being said. what you miss in terms of precise analytical ability, you can by being able to view the big-picture more clearly. there’s a danger to this however; your desire to view what’s beautiful and ideal around you can give a kind of selective perception in which only the good is seen and what doesn’t fit into that is ignored.

you don’t usually feel comfortable expressing yourself through normal channels of communication. what you have to say can be better demonstrated through dance, poetry, song, or picture (painted or taken). there’s often a shyness in the early school situation, which manifested in mental illness (my friend has dyslexia and this was a hard time for her) or simply confusion.

since this house also rules siblings, there may be some sacrifices to be made in relation to them; they may be a problem or have difficulties. since neptune fuses the boundary between the self and others, you may feel you’re responsible for their problems or everything which happens in the immediate environment (also ruled by the 3rd). if you don’t have siblings, you probably longed for the companionship of it, an idealized vision of what a sibling is. i also noticed this neptune placement showing exceptional ability as teachers - specially working w children who have learning difficulties. they can understand ways to communicate with and understand the child better than anyone else.

neptune in the 4th house

i have this one and it’s a loaded position: an unconscious planet in an unconscious house. to feel safe in a secure nest is fundamental, though that’s often quite unconscious. your idea of haven includes a lovely home, w lots of food and someone who will take care of your needs. there’s an assumption that the mother, early home life and emotional security all need to be perfect. that is, all needs will be met with ease, and there’s no upset or disappointment in these areas. the mom or other primary caregiver, is supposed to be there when needed, regardless of other commitments. the illusions connected to the 4th house (remember, neptune refers to illusions which must be exposed and released) are deeply intimate; and any threat to them is profoundly threatening to you.

neptune in the 4th generally has to overcome the strong need for the nurturing parent to not only be perfect but to continue being so into your adulthood. you have great difficulty separating from them; you may never fully do it. it doesn’t matter if they actually lived to your expectations, for their importance is in your head - the parent you idealized or pretended they were. sometimes, however, this desire focuses on the home rather than the parent. in this case, the childhood home was either perfect, or mysterious and elusive. you can react by trying to re-create the exact same nest.

with this placement, nurturing yourself becomes the ultimate value, a way to find supreme satisfaction. you can also make the most amazing caretakers and companions. your need to nurture others is a complicated expression of your own hunger to be taken care of; you give too much and eventually become resentful when no one appreciates your (not asked for) sacrifices. you might also project neptunian traits onto your parent; they may be v spiritual and loving, vague and confusing, or even absent, so you were left w only a fantasy of what they could - and should - have been. they might have also been a victim (similar to pisces moon) and you might’ve felt obligated to save them.

you feel like caring involves being swallowed up completely, and it’s something you either constantly yearn or are terrified of. you also feel if your (unrealistic) emotional security needs aren’t met, you won’t survive the disappointment (you did, and you will again). neptune in the 4th can make the most patient and loving parents, w a strong sense of their emotional bonding and spiritual responsibilities. you will do more to create an ideal parent/child relationship than anyone else and constantly remind others of how important it is to strive to be the best parent one can be.

neptune in the 5th house

this combo leads to a definite charisma, an aura of charm and power and importance (timothee, angelina, mlk, drake, etc). it’s a strong indication of some kind of acting ability, though it may be used as a teacher or a salesman rather than on stage. you’re likely to work in some area where applause and respect can be immediate and experienced personally. you need this; neptune undermines the self-confidence so you depend on others’ feedback to measure your worth. this can be a deadly dependency because even the highest praise and respect can truly fulfill the yearning to be loved unconditionally, only provide a temporary high, making you forever vulnerable.

some of the illusions related to this placement include the need to have perfect relationships and children, and the perfect artistic creation. whenever one expects perfection, they’re doomed to disappoitment, although the process of disillusionment may be needed to rethink your outlook on life. you may expect your love life to provide a complete sense of fulfillment. you can make a v romantic partner, the type to love cheesy romantic things and music, who can surround your lover with utmost affection. however, you might also expect them to sense your wishes and always meet them; or expect yourself to always be sensitive and caring at al times, regadless of your moods and/or needs.

you need to re-evaluate your tendency to romanticize lovers instead of seeing them for who they are. you may also harbor illusions towards children, your own or all, which hamper your ability to deal w them realistically and effectively. there’s a difficulty in developing a strong sense of self-worth, or maybe fancying yourself to be far more important than you really are. this placement is associated w a great deal of inspired creativity, however, and if other chart factors support it, it indicates exceptional artistic talent. with humility and self-awareness, you can use your magnetism to uplift those who have lost all confidence.

neptune in the 6th house

w this placement, neptune is in its polar opposite, since 6th house relates to virgo and neptune relates to pisces. this house is about the world as it is and how to manage it in a day-to-day basis. neptunian energy is the opposite: it yearns for and seeks to unite w the cosmos, which transcends this world. how can these two work this out?

when they’re well integrated in the chart, you can dream of neptune while using the practical 6th house skills to plan and organise the dream you wish to make true some day. it can direct the neptunian energy to envision something better, prettier, more creative and inspiring. without this, the 6th house is merely a housekeeping unit - a drive to organise and plan, but for what purpose? neptune supplies it with purpose and the house repays it with practical skills, usually related to some artistic work.

however, if the energies are at odds, there is the need to dream vs. the need to be practical and realistic. you feel a strong need to busy yourself w details and make everything as efficient as possible, tidying up and even criticising others (negative virgo energy). you may expect far too much from others and yourself, never able to say “no” when more work is piled on you. another expression is not being able to keep your shit together; you forget, are disorganized, feel tired and drained of energy, get sick often, or feel generally unfulfilled. my friend, for example, often seeks jobs for its glamorous aspects, only to get swamped by details and routine.

#astrology #zodiac signs #neptune #neptune houses #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #1st house #2nd house #3rd house #4th house #5th house #6th house

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wesimpforxiao · 3 years

Text

Say My Name and I’ll Be There: 7.1

"Don't make me say it again," Scaramouche warned. He conjured his catalyst once more, this time holding his palm out to you rather than charging at you.

"You want to fight? I'll make sure it kills you." Your eyes shone enough to further illuminate the entire room. Dottore made one of the Fatui agents note the brightness of your eyes in a notebook.

You didn't wait for Scaramouche to make the first move, and instead lunged at him. He evaded easily. Then he sent another bolt of electricity your way. You barely managed to duck in time, making sure to lower your weapon as close to the ground as possible to avoid shocking yourself again. You put your weight onto your hands and flipped yourself over, then stabbed at him the second you were back on your feet.

He's no Childe, you realized with widening eyes. I can beat him.

Childe leaned forward, his breathe hitching from the excitement. He itched to join the scuffle while Xiao kept his eyes focused solely on you. You performed his combo almost as flawlessly as Xiao did in past battles, this time being the one to pin the harbinger against the wall.

"How far do you want me to go, Master?" Your taunting angered the harbinger until a wild look consumed his face. "Is this far enough? Or do you want me to injure you? Tell me, what do you want me to do?" You hit the catalyst out of the air and it clattered to the ground several feet away.

Xiao marveled at your sudden change in personality. He had thought you were breaking, but maybe it was his own miscalculation?

"Since when did I give you permission to issue your own orders?" He threw himself at you and conjured his weapon once more. A fury of lightning strikes hit the air around you, but you were too quick in moving your polearm out of the way. The air charged with electricity, but it didn't do anything to you.

Well, except ignite a metaphorical lightbulb above your head. You sent a quick glance in Xiao's direction, but your attention was focused mainly on Childe. I don't need a vision. I can outsmart them. You slowly drew Scaramouche towards you until he was in the middle of the room again, then you charged at Childe.

"Huh?" It took a second for Childe to realize you were gunning for him and not Xiao. An excited smile played across his lips, and he let go of Xiao's shoulder. "I think I'll take this as an invitation." He summoned his bow and aimed a charged shot at your head. You ducked just in time, and it hit Scaramouche's catalyst. It exploded in a fit of electrical bolts and shattered across the ground. Childe cursed under his breath.

Scaramouche was beyond livid at this turn of events. "You--!" He turned his attention to Childe and was about to throw a punch.

"Now, Xiao!" You bolted for the exit as a precautionary measure.

"What?! NOW?" Xiao scrunched his brows together and glanced between the group of harbingers. He immediately began to concentrate a force of anemo around his feet, and the power slowly came to its crest.

"Wonderful!" Dottore cackled as he watched the two of you work together while Scaramouche and Childe were at each other's throats. "These were exactly the results I was looking for!"

Almost there! You nearly reached the set of doors when something pierced the back of your knee and sent you crashing to the ground. "Ngh!" Your fingers wrapped around Childe's arrow and yanked it out of your skin.

"--But unfortunately, this little performance is over," Dottore finished. One of his previously sleeping machines awoke from its slumber and shot a dart that landed in your shoulder.

"No!" You looked behind you to find Xiao also being effected by the wounds. "Xiao! Leave me! Go!" A fierce kick to your jaw shut you up.

Xiao bit through the pain and was near breaking the seal when a few portraits flared through his head of a small, purple-haired girl. Time seemed to slow down as he remembered her. I can't... His gaze slowly floated over to you. ...hurt you too...

.......................................

You woke up in your cell with your hands tied tight behind your back. "Dammit!" Your growl caught Xiao's attention, but he didn't dare look over. "I was so close--Wait. Why are you still here? I told you to get out. Xiao?" When he didn't look over to you, you wiggled your way into a sitting position despite the pain in your leg and scooted next to him. Unlike you, his hands were free. "Hey, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"...I'm sorry."

"H-huh? What are you saying that for?"

Xiao leapt from the balcony of Angel Tavern and had just about reached to your hand when the portal closed and he was met with the empty night air. 'If only I had been quicker to hear her--'

The image flipped.

'Forgive me.' The Guardian Yaksha closed the little girl's eyes as he whispered an incantation. 'I will give you a second chance at life.' The purple-haired child mumbled something about herbs as she gasped for a decent breath of air.

"I..." You trailed off. I wasn't the only one? But he did something different that time...what was that? Some sort of talisman? "Xiao--" You shifted so you were positioned in front of him, and he lowered his gaze to avoid yours.

His eyes were part of an expression that was the saddest you've ever seen before. The confident, collected yaksha had finally revealed his vulnerable side. It never occurred to you that he had one to begin with, so you observed his precious state for a few quiet minutes.

"Was...she collateral damage?" Xiao didn't answer. "Hey. Could you please look at me?" He reluctantly gave into your request and raised his head, but kept his eyes at chin level. "What happened to either of us wasn't your fault. I'm not upset with you for not reaching me in time, either. What matters now isn't failures of the past; we are here together. You deserve to be free and happy. I'm more than happy to sacrifice myself so you can escape and live on without me. I mean, I'm going to die eventually anyway, right?" You leaned your head forward so your foreheads touched.

"You are my...companion. Even if you wanted to sever our connection, it would be impossible now. It's too strong, even without my blood connecting the two of us."

"Just because I'm willing to sacrifice myself doesn't mean I want to sever our bond. I've...never wanted to sever it."

"Hm?" His eyes finally met yours, and his saddened expression held a tint of confusion. "You never wanted to sever it? ...You...really are a difficult being to comprehend..."

"That's because I..." the words caught in your throat. "I..." Archons, why can't I get the stupid words out? "Xiao, listen," you took a deep breath to steady your racing heart as you stared directly into his eyes.

"Let me untie your hands," he interrupted the moment and gestured for you to turn around.

"U-um, okay." His fingers made quick work of the rope that had dug into your skin so much that the slightest brush of fingertips made you wince.

"There's something we need to discuss," he continued once you faced him again, eyeing the hallway to confirm that the bird device was completely out of the prison. "The others will be coming soon."

"Others?" The sudden change in topic made you want to kick yourself. There's no way you could gather up the courage to tell him again. "You mean Zhongli and Aether?" Why did he have to change the subject like that?

"Childe intentionally set out to hunt us down on the Tsaritsa's orders. I was woken by the fighting," Xiao continued to watch the door out of paranoia. "I passed out before I could be of use in battle, and didn't wake up until I was brought here. "Zhongli gave me a vision, a message while I was unconscious. He said he will return soon with help, but something about this is off. Something doesn't sit right with Childe."

"You think he might be helping us in some way?" You scoffed. "I'm not putting my faith in that monster."

"I'm not saying you have to. Just trust me when I say they'll be here soon. Don't lose hope, and don't sacrifice yourself for me." He put some distance between the two of you, and your heart shattered when you recognized he was emotionally distancing himself from you again.

"Right..."

.......................................

You decided to chase after your own confession once more a few hours later. "Do you have any desires, Xiao?" You absently traced the seal lines on the ceiling while you lay on your back.

"Desire?" The yaksha scoffed. "Do not judge adepti by your mortal ideals. I have no desire." He too lay on his back, with his arms folded behind his head as he stared absentmindedly at the most powerful sigil that was painted above him.

"That...kind of sounds like you're hiding something," you baited.

"Hiding? I'm hiding nothing. I just won't speak of desire to others. Do you mortals not have a rule about spoken wishes never coming true? Hm?" The cute way he upturned his nose at you brought a blush to your cheeks.

"T-That's not really the same thing...!"

"What do you mean that's not the same?!" He peered over at you when he heard a giggle escape your lips. It was light and airy, and he cherished the joy in your eyes when you met his. A small but unmistakable smile formed upon his lips. The two of you were grinning at one another, and a comfortable silence ensued as you continued to hold his gaze.

"Okay then, since you put it that way," you grinned to yourself and faced the ceiling once more. Xiao did the same. "Do the adepti ever fall in love?"

"Occasionally, yes." This prompted a side glance from you. "There is a half-human, half-adeptus in the Liyue Qixing. Ganyu."

"I think I've heard of her before." His recollection ignited a portrait of her within your thoughts.

"She is constantly faced with living between two worlds, both never quite having a place for her. She fought alongside Rex Lapis and I in the Archon Wars. But returning to your question, yes, there are occasions in which adepti will fall for mortals. I've never understood it myself."

"I see." You fell into a small silence as you dug further into anxiety. "Have you ever loved anyone?"

"No." The answer was way too quick for your liking, but Xiao continued. "I know nothing but death and destruction. Love does not interest me."

A weird feeling of vertigo hit you, and your eyes illuminated the cell a bit. "That's a lie."

"Huh?" Xiao snapped his head in your direction.

"Why are you lying to yourself? What are you lying to yourself about?" You weren't exactly conscious of the words spewing out of your mouth as if you were in some sort of trance while you gazed at him.

"I'm not," he defended.

"That's another lie. Whatever it is, you know you can tell me, right?" Your eyes dimmed back to regularity.

"Tsk." Xiao resumed his previous position on the floor and grumbled something under his breath that you couldn't hear. "Then what about you? Has a mortal as strange as you ever come to love someone?" This'll get her to drop it--

"Yes, actually." You regretted answering the second the words left your mouth, and heat rose to your cheeks. "Er, I mean..."

Xiao received a pang of what he assumed was the human emotion of jealousy. How absurd that he had been reduced to human standards of emotions ever since he joined Aether's team. "You haven't mentioned them before," he commented. "Does this happen to be the desire you spoke of earlier?"

"U-um...yeah..." Your fingers fidgeted over your stomach, and you clenched the fabric of your shirt as you contemplated your next words. You made a conscious effort to refrain from accidentally praying or wishing for him to know who you were referring to.

"Don't worry. I'll bring you back to them safely." He rolled onto his side so his back faced you.

"I-I...!" Your eyes wavered at his back. I can't do it. I can't bring myself to tell him. Dammit, why does this have to be so difficult? He's right here. We could die any day now. So why can't I just come out with it?

...............................

Coming up: Manipulating ojou-chan. The yaksha bears his mask. A breached contract. A deal with the devil.

#xiao x reader #xiao #xiao genshin impact #genshin impact xiao #fanfiction #xiao fanfiction #xiao one shots #genshin fanfiction #genshin x reader

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sagefzy · 3 years

Text

PART ELEVEN: THE PERFORMANCE

perfectionism | prev | next

After sitting down for about ten minutes, Atsumu redirected his attention to the now dimming lights. The once lit up auditorium was now only being illuminated from the light appearing on the stage. There was almost an entrancing aura in the room, everyone gathered in the same room for the sole purpose of watching people showcase their musical talent. Though completely different activities, he couldn't help but be reminded of the similar feeling when watching a volleyball match.

Although Suna had mentioned to him many times that he and you had two very distinct and different personalities, he couldn't help but disagree. From the little he'd observed, you both had strong passions that you had dedicated your whole lives to. Even though you two may approach situations differently. You both have a mutual understanding of the thrill that comes with pushing yourself to the limit for something.

He had never really chosen to get to know another person on a deeper level. Of course, there was Osamu, but that didn't really count since that was his brother. Additionally, his friendship with Suna was only a byproduct of Osamu's friendship with him. Atsumu constantly had girls throwing themselves at him, and even though he enjoyed basking in their attention, he knew that they were only in love with the idea of him.

Outside of volleyball and his family, he never got the chance to have a close relationship with someone, but that was something he was willing to sacrifice for the sake of achieving his dreams. Not to mention, he always had the lingering fear that, in the end, people only hung out with him to get close to Osamu. He really hoped that you were an exception to that case.

The competition had to at least been going on for an hour now, Atsumu thought to himself. When he imagined attending a piano competition, he envisioned a relaxing show that he could attend for free, but that wasn't the case. Instead, he spent his time watching musicians attempt to play grand, complex pieces to perfection, but at most they only achieved mediocre performances. Just how long was it going to take for you to come on stage?

"Now presenting contestant 105, l/n y/n. Playing piano concerto number one in E minor, opus eleven: two. Romance larghetto."

His eyes were directed to your figure that now walked onto the stage. Your head held high, your footing confident. Atsumu grinned, noticing that you were sporting that perfect smile of yours. He watched as you took a deep breath while fixing your stool.

Before your hands touched the keys, he observed how, for a quick second, your eyes changed from confident to anxious when studying the crowd. Your eyes were glued in the same spot briefly, however they were quickly averted back to the instrument. Could it be that large crowds made you anxious? No, it couldn't be, you seemed way too confident walking out on stage. He wondered just what made you apprehensive.

He continued to watch you intently.

Your fingers graced the keys. They quickly found their tempo and danced to the rhythm. You didn't miss a single beat nor note as you played. Everything was played to perfection, just as it always was.

Your smile disappeared, only to be replaced with a face of precision and focus. Your hands produced a soft melody, making the sound glide into his ears. No previous performer enchanted the audience like you did. The notes danced and swayed in the air.

Your song had so much power to it. It was as if a mystical spell was casted in the room the minute that you started to play. Atsumu's eyes widened as he watched you get lost in the song. There was absolutely no hesitation as you played. Your body was completely in tune with the instrument.

Although you weren't saying anything, you were telling a story to everyone in the room, captivating them. It was all perfect. Your rhythm, notes, tempo, and tone- it was exactly as written on paper. You quite literally were playing the piece perfectly. However, the story you were telling with your music, wasn't quite your own, but rather the composer.

You were guaranteed a first place win since you were playing a technical piece perfectly, but it lacked the emotion. You played it exactly as the composer intended, nothing more, nothing less.

Atsumu recognized the seemingly stoic look on your face. It wasn't something he could decipher easily at first, but now hearing you play, he could understand it. You were so obsessed, so intent with playing it perfectly, something he often found himself partaking in when in an important match. You were perfect, but at what cost?

There was no denying that you were extremely talented, certainly more talented than himself, he thought. But, he could only imagine how much more captivating you could be when expressing your own emotions with your talent.

As your song neared its end, the whole room stood up in applause. You stood up, knowing you played it perfectly, but you still felt empty. You remember a time where you used to love savoring the gratification from an overwhelmed audience. Now, however, you stood in front of everyone clapping for your perfect performance, and you couldn't feel less accomplished. Perhaps you were being too hard on yourself. When did playing piano turn into a chore?

You glanced to the top of the audience, the same place you were looking before the performance, and locked eyes with your dad. The same unreadable expression was present on his face. He shook his head and walked out the exit door. Your chest grew heavy, trying its best to hold in your tears in front of the audience.

You bowed in front of the audience, trying your best to conceal the emotions running rampant in you. You swiftly paced yourself offstage, running past your mentor who was there for support and into the backstage bathroom.

Your back leaned on the heavy door, all of your bottled feelings washing out. You looked at your face in the mirror, placing two hands over your heated cheeks. Your eyes started to sting, but you still stared into the reflection. Anger, disappointment, humiliation, vulnerability, and most of all, loneliness. You let it all spill out at that moment.

There was so much more you wanted to do with your music, but at that moment no amount of praise could convince you that it was worth it. All in life you ever wanted to do was make your dad proud, show him that you are worthy enough to be your mother's daughter. Was anything you did ever going to be good enough for him?

"y/n, it's Haruka-sensei." A voice from the door knocked. "I thought you played the piece perfectly, I'll be in the lobby, so come out when you're ready."

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Your hands made their way to your face again, this time cleaning up the tears and smudged mascara. Looking up one last time, you smiled into the mirror. Over the years, you convinced yourself that if you faked being happy enough, eventually you will be. It's not like anyone could tell the difference from it anyways.

You opened the door slowly, trying to gain your composure again. You bumped into many kids roaming the halls backstage looking anxious to perform. The maze of people was something you were now used to navigating.

The lobby was empty with the exception of your sensei and dad, everyone else still in the auditorium watching the final stretch of the performances. Haruka-sensei and your dad didn't get along for the most part, which is why you weren't surprised when you saw them standing in completely opposite areas of the room.

Your dad was first to approach you. "What did you think that was?" His voice was laced with alcohol. Your gaze met his. His eyes filled with resentful judgement. "You think you can get away playing like shit and make your way to the top?"

Droplets of tears fell to the ground once more. "I asked you a question!"

You looked to the ground. "No, I know I'll never be good enough." You sniffed harshly, still trying to maintain your composure, but failing. You hated crying in front of your dad. It was arguably the worst feeling in the world, like you were being isolated in a dark void with nothing but disappointment.

He watched you cry. You could feel his gaze burning into the top of your head, which still faced the ground in fear. All of a sudden, you felt a harsh grip on your wrist that was sure to leave a bruise.

"And don't you ever forget that," He spat. "I bet your mother is even more repulsed by you than I am. It's a joke that you think you'll ever be anything great." He shook your arm firmly, forcing you to see the aggravation displayed on his expression.

"That's enough," Haruka yelled, shoving your dad to the side. She might've been a small lady, but she sure did know how to stand her ground. "I can't stand hearing you spread such bullshit hatred to your own daughter. You make me sick. Why don't you go and get yourself even more drunk. Maybe you'll wake up and find yourself passed out on a park bench."

He rolled his eyes and scoffed. He left the building, leaving just you and Haruka.

"Listen, y/n, I think you played beautifully. Your technique was perfect, and with just a few tweaks here and there, I'm sure you'll be more than ready to take the top spot at nationals." She praised. She gave you a genuine smile and pulled you into a hug.

Feeling overwhelmed, you started to cry for the third time that hour. "Shh- don't worry about your dad, he's just a loser-asshole that projects all his issues onto you." You felt comforted by her embrace. Although she'd only known you for about a month now, Haruka had quickly become one of your favorite piano mentors. She had the loving presence and embrace of a mother, something that was so foreign to you at first.

After your heavy tears and emotions subsided, you re-entered the backstage hallways. You sat in the corner of the hallway, directing your attention to a boy- who couldn't have been any older than twelve. He sat next to his mom, holding her hand as he kept on muttering about his nervousness.

You watched as the mom eased his nerves with a single statement. "My child, I love you now, and I'll still love you after you go out and perform." The words warmed your heart. The affection from a mother was a distant memory in your mind. You could never recall a moment you were sad around your mother. Why did she have to leave so soon?

Before the kid could respond, he was called out to perform. He hugged his mom quickly and scrambled to the stage. You sat there lost in your thoughts, imagining what life would be like if your mother didn't pass away so early on.

You sighed. There was no use in fantasizing about a false reality even if it brought you temporary peace from your discomfort. What only mattered now was the present moment.

You noticed that the boy was back, a giant grin plastered on his face as he met up with his mother, it'd only be a few minutes until the winners were announced. Soon enough, all of the competitors were asked to reconvene at the stage.

You looked out at the audience again, but this time it was different. Rather than feeling anxious when meeting the gaze of someone, you felt content. Atsumu flashed his famous smirk and displayed a thumbs up, only to be quickly smacked down by Osamu. The two seemed to get into an argument after that, making you look at Suna who was now a giggling mess. The whole event made you laugh, momentarily forgetting about the heavy reign of disappointment on your shoulder.

However, the three of them got their act together once the top three standings were being announced. This part always made you fidgety. The uncertainty of the outcome always twisted your stomach in knots. Once second and third place were announced you took a deep breath, hoping that you were to be crowned first.

"And-" Here it was, you thought. The moment that decided whether or not you'd go to nationals. "-first place for the Hyogo Regional piano competition goes to-" You could feel your heart beating out of your chest. Your nails dug into your arm, the tension eating away at you. "-l/n y/n."

You almost jumped to the front of the stage when they announced your name. You did it, despite what your dad said, you did it. And it didn't matter what hateful words of disappointment he spat at you because in that very moment, you were enough.

Atsumu watched as you were handed a certificate. A radiant smile now present on your face. This smile was different, though. The one he was used to seeing was the seemingly perfect one, the one so perfect it was almost fake. The one you wore right now was one of genuine, heartfelt joy. Was this the real you? Just what else were you hiding under that perfect smile?

Osamu tapped his shoulder. "Stop staring at yer little girlfriend and let's go to the lobby before it gets too crowded. Suna said we're going to go out for udon."

"Yeah, yeah 'm coming," He muttered, never once taking his eyes off of your smile.

fun facts !

Osamu and Atsumu are notorious for always being late for everything, whether it be 10 minutes to an hour.

Atsumu daydreams when he's bored, only paying attention to what he wants to.

Every time Osamu cooks, he always puts on music in the background and it always differs depending on his mood.

smau written by @sagefzy

taglist: open just send an ask :)

@shephard17895 @art-junkie-13 @vhsryuu @qualitygiantshoepsychic @everytimeswift @kritiiiii @why-couldnt-it-be @sunahyejin @jbsonelesslonleygirl @tanakasimpcorner @iwasunshine @succulentmom @ashy-lyn @bakudummy @rinsangel @kachuuha @sakusasimpbot

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whydoeseverythinghurt · 3 years

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Someone tell me Lower Decks gets better

Edit: So I am hearing good things from very angry people, and I think that means that it’s fine.

I know that a lot of people like Lower Decks, and I think in isolation, I would be one of them, but this is supposed to be Star Trek, right? I like Rick and Morty’s particular brand cynicism, and hopelessness, and I know a lot of the people working on Lower Decks come from there, but that just isn’t Star Trek.

Disclaimer: I only saw the first episode, so most of this can be discounted if that isn’t an accurate depiction of the show as a whole.

Star Trek started off as a ‘perfect’ utopian future, that was about what its creators thought we should aspire to. But from the get go we are shown that there are many issues with it, and that it is a utopia because someone is always fighting against the bad actors, working to improve life, and deal with all those issues. Star Trek is about reform from the inside.

Kirk and Spock both think the Admiralty, the Starfleet Code of Conduct and even the Prime Directive are needlessly restrictive, so what do they do? They find loopholes.

Spock tells Commodore Decker that he won’t stand for the endangerment of the crew, and if he wants to call it mutiny he can do so the second they get back to civilization, where Spock will be allowed to plead his case. Kirk is told that all the Court Martial business can be swept under the rug if he’s willing to give up his pride, and he says no. He forces them to have to go through the process, so that he can plead his case, but also to demonstrate that the system should work, it shouldn’t ignore issues.

Picard and River find out that the Admiralty are being controlled by worms, and take it upon themselves to stop the damage that they are doing. (Such a Star Trek sentence, I know.)

Deep Space Nine as it progresses makes the show about how the ‘utopia’ is based on colonialist ideals, and leaves behind the most vulnerable in society. In the beginning this is done with the justification that if they help the people suffering and being discriminated against, then they may lose a potential ally, or gain an enemy. The government decides that it isn’t worth the risk, and let’s people suffer.

But Deep Space Nine is not just as amazing as it is because of the Holocaust metaphors, its also because it pushes at the moral fabric of the Federation. It asks the question “What happens when push comes to shove, and your perfect society descends into war?” And it shows the fallout, and it shows the toll on people’s lives, and it shows that even when you aren’t living in a perpetual state of war it’s very difficult to go back.

Voyager asks “What happens when no one is looking? What happens when all you have are your ideals and morals that come from a society you are no longer attached to (that we as the audience know, no longer exists)? Do you sacrifice your morals so that you can get back to your utopia? In fact, do you sacrifice your ideals for your utopia as a whole. Or would sacrificing them make it something other than a utopia?”

Haven’t seen all of them yet, so: Discovery says “What happens when you make the wrong moral judgment (or depending on interpretation, the right one, but no one allows you to go far enough)? What happens when you are the scapegoat that they blame an entire war, on? Even one that has brewing since before you were born. What do you do when they place the blame squarely on your shoulders, and solely at your feet? What do you do when the one person who gave you a chance to prove yourself turned out to be lying the entire time, and actually wanted you to be what everyone else thought you were?

“What do you do afterwards? How you trust someone again after that kind of betrayal? What do you do when some goodie two shoes, who has never seen the horror that you have, comes waltzing in and trying to apply their morals to your life? How could they possibly win your trust?” That one gets a definitive answer, they show their convictions, even when no one is watching, they say, “we have to do the right thing.”

It goes on to ask several others, (from what I know) which are in some ways similar to later seasons of Deep Space Nine, “What do you do when the utopia you loved and fought and bled, and that people died for, is gone? How willing are you to fight to get it back?”

Lower Decks introduces a character who sees the moral failings of Starfleet, shows them to other people and then encourages them to give up, and not try to make the situation better. They have influence, and could easily seize power, but what do they do? Nothing. They watch as people who should not be in charge remain in power and do nothing about it, and discourage anyone who wants to try. They don’t want things to be different, they want to rebel against their parents. And that’s it, not corrupt institutions, not bad protocols, or worse people in charge. They want their parents to notice them.

That is not Star Trek. Star Trek is about hope in the most dire of circumstances. It’s about persevering and going against the odds, even when you know you’re probably going to die anyway, but you still have to try.

It is about not just fighting for yourself, but for your family, your people, your crew, caring about the faceless and the nameless, the ‘lesser’, those that cannot fight for themselves. Standing up to and against the institutions which did the wrong thing, which did not protect the people they should have. (The waters get muddy with the different framings of the maquis, but you are meant to be sympathetic to their ideas, and morals, if nothing else.)

Nihilism has its place in Star Trek, (a cynical outlook can be seen as one of the most common character traits across series.) Existential dread has its place too, but it has to be tempered with that hope. And that hope isn’t unwavering, in fact most characters at one point or another lose it, briefly or for longer periods of time, but in those moments they rely on those around them to keep the faith. They continually pass the torch of whose responsibility it is. One of the most important things is that there is always someone who has hope.

And I would probably like Lower Decks if it seemed at all willing to explore the idea, “Well, what do you do when hope is completely lost? What do you do what there is no one left? And the thing you love is a shell of either what it used to be, or what it aspired to?”

Instead, all that is left of a green character who has never encountered that adversity and has their ideals forcefully beaten out of them. The central authority in their life tells them how they are wrong to cling to them (and then that person is demonstrated to be right.) I would be interesting to see the story if they wished to explore a slow dawning realization that hope is really lost, or even asked, “What do you do when there is nothing to hope for? And no one left to have that hope?”

To me it seems like they heard about Star Trek from parodies, and wanted to make jokes, so they set its central themes on fire, and then didn’t want to explore the implications. Just play in its dead carcass, and don’t you dare think about what it once was.

I know that Enterprise had its issues, but most people say that it improved greatly with the last season (besides the last episode), and say that it could have done more and been better if the network would have just kept it around a bit longer. People have their criticisms of Discovery and Picard, but I get the impression that they truly are labors of love.

Lower Decks gives me the feeling that it is just a blatant cash grab made by people who didn’t know, or understand the property and just had to do something with it. I know that their is diversity in the series, but I wish that I could say definitively that that the woman in the burka was actually meant to show the same sentiments as Chekhov in the Original Series. (As I remember seeing someone suggest as a viable option for how the New movies could handle Anton Yelchin’s death.) My thoughts right now is that it’s just an attitude of “Well, Star Trek is about diversity in thought, culture, and race, so we should make the characters diverse, because it’s a utopian future, right?” With no intention to to continue the way of dealing with current issues through allegory.

I hope I’m wrong. As far as I know it is a good show, but right now I don’t think it’s a good Star Trek one.

(Although again take that with a grain of salt, because I have seen so little, and I didn’t particularly like the Orville, or what I’ve seen of it. Mostly, because it felt clunky, unnatural, boring and like they took half remembered plot points/storylines and placed new characters into them. The heart was there, but the thought didn’t seem to be.)

Tl;dr: Can someone tell me if Lower Decks has the characters fight back against Starfleet, or the bad elements in it? Or even if it explores why that isn’t an option? Why they have lost all hope?

#star trek #star trek tos #star trek the original series #star trek tng #star trek the next generation #star trek ds9 #star trek deep space 9 #star trek deep space nine #star trek voy #star trek voyager #star trek disco #star trek discovery #star trek lower decks #star trek meta #long post

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

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What do you like about Saeran? Why is he your fave? I love to hear other saeran fans reasons!

I think this is a loaded and complex answer that Tumblr will need to invent a word count limit for if possible. After all, I've gotten a million words by now in fanfiction alone for this man at this point.

I guess the simplest way to answer this is just by saying, I feel like I am able to empathize with him emotionally in a way that I've never had with any other person. He gives me a sense of peace if I'm feeling anxious about what may be coming with the horizon. GE Saeran just makes me feel like it is okay to want the simplest, cheesiest, fulfilled love. He's so genuine and compassionate despite his trauma and he tries to be a better person, not for others, but because he wants to be free of all he has suffered. He chooses kindness in the face of anger and venom. I admire that.

He makes me think that maybe someday I'll feel that way. Maybe I won't be butter and angry all the time. Maybe I'll feel free, too. I think seeing it to fruition as he claims his happiness without any fear, well, it helps. As selfless as he is, I know why he does what he does because I'd be doing the same thing. Especially with the After Ending experience. Cue us having our first fight about who sacrifices themselves for the others to be free, haha. I just. I see who someone who is very strong in GE. I'm proud of him. I guess I want to see him be proud of me someday.

I've always liked Saeran. Unknown was the one that drew me in all those years ago, after all. I do not talk about Unknown and SE Saeran enough, but I'm trying to finally share that love for those two in my newest Reader Insert, Iris. Unknown is angry, untethered, and bitter. Everybody has all but burned him and he's left with nothing but the pain. He is numb. He is almost feeling to every emotion because if he didn't detach himself, he would die. Love and hope became a weakness and Rika snuffed out his hope years ago. There is somebody screaming for help and someone to see him in Unknown, but you'll never see it since he won't let you in. He is so angry, justifiably, in many ways, angry.

He validates me in knowing I can just be angry about the bullshit and want to scream, because I'm a nice person but I'm also an angry person, and even the kindest person you know is hurting or more angry than you think. Also, even if he looks like he went to the Combination Hot Topic and Rodeo, I just find his allure charming. Like a hushed whisper that leads you in before the trap snaps your arm.

SE Saeran is... well, you know when you want to just be close to someone and it feels right? You don't even need words but... you like being close to them. As much as SE has suffered, as much as he has lost control and purpose, he is still a person and he is alive. As angry as he is, he is so tired and beaten down. He just wants to see the sky all day and let go of everything. He is spiteful and snarky, but not cruel. He has walls and guards because he feels like he can't trust anyone ever again. I think there is beauty in his pain and his ability to choose to live despite his choices being taken from him.

He's never been able to make a decision in his life, not even after the events of the secret ending. His choice was always taken from him and even though it wasn't always done with the worst intention, the lack of being able to consent to your own life's path... well, SE feels caged in so many ways for a lot of reasons. But he still tries to hope. As broken as he is, he's... clutching onto the sky. He lived through hell. For some reason, he lived. Might as well not waste it, he thinks, might as well see what I've always wanted and make something. He is closed off but... I think there is peace in his heart by the end.

Suit Saeran is a... well, I think I've definitely had a time trying to explain the kind of person that he is to people because they just don't get it. People tend to think about his words at face value and don't try to look deeper underneath what is truly painted on the surface. I hate seeing people who think that he's just an angry person that wants to destroy everything because he's evil. He's not a evil man. He's scared. He's terrified. Wouldn't you be terrified if you watched Ray get tortured for believing in love and hope? Wouldn't you be angry that Ray was tortured nearly destroyed as far as you know? Wouldn't you be desperate to ensure that Ray never suffered again, and worse, that you didn't wind up tortured like Ray was?

He was taught that vulnerability was a weakness. If he shows any kind of weakness for a moment, he's going to wind up in that basement and he's going to be tortured. If he gets tortured, then who's going to protect Ray and who's going to keep you safe? His anger is a sword and a shield, it never justifies his actions, but if you look at him screaming, at his flashbacks and pain, you see the scared little boy screaming for help under all that shouting... and while I've never felt that power that Saeran has, I think a lot of people can relate to it.

Ray... I'm not sure that I even have to open this can of worms because everybody knows that I have a very strong bias towards him. But, a lot of the reason why I like him the most is because I relate to him the most. We're both the kind of people that would work ourselves into the damn ground to prove that our life has meaning to the people around us and ourselves. Ray is so very desperate to be loved that he's willing to suffer through all kinds of things if he gets to hold on to it. He likes to believe in things. He has hope, and it's literally stated that he is the one that keeps trying to believe in a reality where he's happy and nobody abandoned him. He lives in daydreams and loses himself inside of his work.

But he is also angry, he is angry because he wants to dream and he's not allowed to do it. He wants to live in his fantasy and he keeps getting told that he can have it if he keeps working, but he's never going to get it. It's like a bunny trying to chase a carrot on a string. He's never going to get the carrot. He's insecure and he can't stand the sight of himself. He is willing to do not great things if he has to. He doesn't want to, but he will do them. There's a lot to be said about his desperation and obsession. But that's something else.

There's all kinds of reasons why I like them and I don't think this even begins to cover all of them. This is just me rambling a little bit. It's hard to condense all of these thoughts because there's just so many of them.

#mod kait #ask #lesbiananas #about me #long post

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