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bedoballoons · 6 months

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Hii! My b-day was on 8 of oct but I had to celebrate it today (2 weeks later). I threw a party, and invited 9 people, yet nobody showed up. Not even my closest friends. So, I would like to request if possible a hc with yandere Venti, Xiao and Ganyu and reader threw a party yet nobody showed up. If u cant do the request dw, I perfectly understand. Have a nice day and ty for reading my request!

Awwe I'm so sorry to hear that, I can only imagine how heartbreaking that was. Usually I don't write requests right after I get them (I go from oldest to newest.), but I wanted to get this out for you while it was still your birthday.

I hope it makes the day a little better! Happy belated birthday as well!! 🎁🎂🎈🎉🎊❤️

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎉𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎉

{༻~Happy birthday~༺}

CW: Yandere themes, slightly angsty with fluff at the end!

P.s. I haven't written Ganyu before so I hope she's not to ooc!

(Includes: Venti, Xiao, and Ganyu!)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𑁍༄Venti:

You sighed quietly, watching as droopy streamers started fall from their places and brightly coloured balloons deflated by the second, even the cake looked depressed. It was your birthday and no one even bothered to show up..."What a great day to have been born..."

"Oh ho ho, someone has such a frown! Perhaps I can aid you in turning it upside down!" You perked up slightly upon hearing Ventis familiar happy go lucky voice, maybe no one else had shown up...but he had and you couldn't be more thankful, "Venti! You made it...thank you!" He chuckled sweetly, pleased beyond belief that he could make the most beautiful person in the world smile, "Of course I made it! It's your birthday and I want it to be a very happy one! Speaking of which, it's not much because...ehe I'm not the best with mora but..."

Your cheeks blushed a pink tint as the bard held out a small gift for you,...the first one you'd open. "You really didn't have to you know..."

"Of course I did! What kind of person doesn't bring a gift to someone's birthday, especially when that someone is as amazing as you!"

You bit your bottom lip, feeling slightly flustered as you opened the box...lifting up the lid to reveal a quill pen and ink, along with what seemed to be a small handmade notebook. The feather of the pen was what caught you eye as it was a bright sky blue decorated with small jewels of your favourite colours, "It's goregous Venti..."

"I figured together we could write fun memories in it and then one day after its full, I can use it to write songs for us both about our favourite moments."

𑁍༄Xiao:

"Are you...alright?"

That question seemed to sting more than it normally did, not only because the answer was a painful one...but because it was being asked on a day that should have made you happy...one that should have been all about you, if only people had actually showed up. "I'm...as alright as I can be. At least your here, I think if you hadn't appeared, I truly would have had to of celebrated all alone."

"Normally...I don't show up for birthdays, I find them crowded and feel that you should celebrate ones birth everyday, but your birthday is a special one. Someone as wonderful as you... deserves to be celebrated. I...even got you you a gift...though it may not be anything you enjoy."

You smiled slightly, watching as Xiao sat down beside you...setting a messily wrapped gift in your lap, "Xiao...I am going to love whatever you may give me, because it's from you."

His heart raced in his chest and as you began to open his gift he silently prayed to the geo archon you'd like what he got you, he'd spent hours choosing it.

You gasped, shocked to bouquet of Qinxing wrapped in adepti sigils, each of them were beautiful and smelled of the mountain tops..you couldn't even begin to imagine how long it took him to gather them all, "Xiao I-"

"The sigils will make it so they never wilt, they will always remain how they look right now...a symbol..of how I feel for you. A love that will never cease."

𑁍༄Ganyu:

Ganyu pulled you close, resting her head on top of yours while she hummed a lullaby and rubbed your back, hoping she could at least ease the pain you were feeling. Not even in her wildest dreams could she imagine how anyone wouldn't want to attend your birthday, she thought of you as the most amazing person to ever exist...a star roaming amongst a sea of darkness and a day to celebrate you to her...was something incredibly special.

"I'm so sorry no one else made it...perhaps they all got caught up with work or other things and just couldn't get out of it?"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Ganyu...I highly doubt everyone just somehow got busy on my birthday...thank you for trying though. I'm sad I didn't get to have alot of people, but having you here, it's enough to make my birthday perfect." Your words left her speechless, she loved you more than she could truly handle and hearing that she could still make your day perfect after all that had happened...

"I have a gift for you, I thought long and hard about it, made sure it was absolutely perfect for you." She moved away from you just long enough to retrieve the gift, it was wrapped in a pale blue paper and scented like flowers, you hadn't even opened it yet and you could see how much effort she'd put into it, "Awwe Ganyu this is to much, you didn't have to.."

"Oh but I did...please open it, I think you'll love it."

You smiled at her, carefully peeling back the wrapping paper and opening the box just enough to see what was inside. "Oh my gosh...it's a plushy and it's handmade, Ganyu did you-"

"In between shifts I learned the pattern for you and made sure it was sewn the absolute best I could. I've never made anything like it before and I was worried I wouldn't finish it in time...but I wanted you to have something that showed my determination and attention to what you like. I also figured it could help you sleep."

ଘ(੭*ˊ��ˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚*⁠.⁠✧Happy birthday~

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immentallyunstableus · 8 months

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Im so sick of everyone and everything I just want to scream and cry my eyes out

I had plans with my friend grup (6 people including me) to meet up today, go to the zoo and maybe grab drinks later

One person (E) said she couldnt go two months ago. Understandable i respect that. But we can still meet as 5.

The evening before the meet up 3 people say they cant go (J, P, R). R sais that hes feeling ill and going straight home. I understand R but feel sad nontheless. I cant reach the fifth person (M).

M has a birthday coming up and we pinched in to buy him beer. I was tasked with buying it. It would be ideal to give it to him that day.

Here comes the day of the meet up and M is still silent. E sais that shes free for a few hours and can go. So i go there with E its short but sweet.

Literaly why do I bother with them. I try to think of something fun to do as a group. Ive been trying to go out somewhere with them since may (or even december). Its not the first time that we have something planned and everyone quits right before. Am I the only one who cares? Am I asking for too much? Is one afternoon and maybe evening too much?

Im so sad and angry it was supposed to be a great day but instead im miserable like i havent been in a long time im disapointed beyond belief. Yes the time spent with E was fun i was happy then but now I feel like a fool.

Its the first friend group that ive organicaly fit in amd i dont feel like a stranger with them. But maybe i should reconsider? I really like them but they cant keep treating me like this.

I just feel idk of its the right word but betrayed I guess? I was on vacation in the moutains and came home especially to spent time with them and they failed to show.

Im just really confused and sad and angry about the whole thing. I understand they have their own obligations but a week ago everyone was willing to go

If youve read this far congrats i guess why do I even bother tying this bullshit

#please dont reblog this #i try not to get personal on my blog but this was too much for me #i cut my vacation short for these fuckers and all they did was shit on my effort #if someone even reads this and is willing to say something reasuring that would be welcome but dont feel obligated to

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littlefireofhestia · 3 years

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hi! i'm sage and i was going through the "hestia devotee" tag and found a post of yours that said you were open for questions about her. i don't know how old that post is or if you're still taking questions, you can ignore this if you're not, but since i'm here i wanted to talk/ask about something.

i'm a baby witch (like the babiest of babies, almost a new born) and most of my experience is through reading and watching since i don't currently have time or resources to do any practice other than lighting incenses or candles or working with crystals. and i definitely don't know any form of divination, like tarot or pendulum, that would allow me to do actual deity work and properly communicate with them.

the thing is, i've researched deities from multiple pantheons multiple times, mostly out of curiosity, but the moment i came across a prayer to hestia my heart skipped a beat and i immediately felt a kind of comfort. it could have been nothing, but i still researched all i could about her and just. i've never felt this drawn to a deity before, much less felt a pull to actually worship one. but i feel very much that way about her.

i looked up ways to honour her and i'm genuinely shocked at how happy it's been making me. i'm finding joy in domestic activities i used to loathe, like washing the dishes or helping with house cleaning. i tried baking a cake all by myself for the first time and lit an orange candle for her while doing it. it turned out absolutely delicious, i discovered i actually really enjoy baking and even started my own cook notebook with some of my grandma's old recipes. i make a point to always tie my hair back when i'm doing something that makes me think of her or in her honour, like making tea or baking or making dinner for my family or cleaning, because i saw people talking about how she appreciates veiling but i don't know how to do it so i just tie my hair in a bun instead of putting on a scarf. and i used to hate tying my hair, but now i feel very good about it!

i've always struggled with feeling connected to religion and never really understood how that could bring peace to someone, but i haven't felt this grounded or loving towards my family and pets or in peace with myself as much as i have since i started doing things as acts of devotion to hestia.

now, on to the actual problem: i'm scared it's all in my head. i'm worried i'm not enough of a witch to worship a deity yet, since i'm still trying to learn ways of communication and can't directly ask her if she's with me. i'm scared that the little things i'm doing aren't enough and the comfort and faith i feel while doing them are my imagination and not actually her watching over me and appreciating my effort.

anyways, i'm really sorry for dumping these worries on you but i didn't see many hestia related blogs and i really needed to ask someone about this. is what i'm doing enough of a worship right now? do you have any tips on how to worship her better? thank you!

Hi Sage! I don’t know when you sent this ask so I’m sorry if it’s been a while since you sent it and my response is late. When I read this ask for the first time I nearly cried tears of joy. Before anything I do want to say that you’re doing amazing sweetie!

I’m always open to questions about Hestia.

First off, there is no prerequisite to worshipping deities. I am admittedly not a witch and worship the gods exclusively for religious reasons and not for witchcraft. I have not learned many divination methods yet (although I have used the very handy Greek Alphabet Oracle a few times) and my rituals are still relatively basic, mostly not even occurring on an altar. But I have felt Hestia. I have been in her presence. I have received dreams from other deities and signs. None of this is required to happen to believe in or worship the theoi, but I just want to assure you that beyond doing some research to figure out who you want to pray to and how to do prayer and ritual, there are no prerequisites to worship. My first prayer to Hestia was literally me throwing a scarf over my head and talking to her in the dark with a flashlight to represent a flame. No formal structure. Didn’t even know how to correctly hold my hands yet. And still she accepted me.

The vibe you get from Hestia is very much similar to my experience. I’ve been drawn to her for YEARS but didn’t know I could worship her. But she’s always felt like home and comfort and just right for me. I never ever had a reason why she was my favorite deity before becoming pagan. She just was. My connection to Hestia has been a fact for over a decade that I just didn’t know was religious until a year and a half ago. Me wondering if I could worship her is the reason why I started researching Hellenic Polytheism in the first place. She brought me to this faith and I am so thankful to her for that.

You finding joy in domestic activities you used to hate is something I’ve discovered through Hestia too, although it’s still a journey I’m early on due to depression and physical disability and having a lot of work to do on figuring out how to make things accessible for me. I’m excited to go further for and with Hestia.

I understand the thought about it being all in your head. I had those thoughts early in my practice too. Basically, belief is a process. It takes time to switch from whatever religious thought (or lack thereof) that you grew up with to polytheism and worshipping a variety of deities or even just one deity, and from there to truly believing in them. I’ve been practicing for a year and a half and it probably took me at least nine months to truly feel secure in my faith in the theoi. Research, pray, do ritual, devote acts to the gods, think about the gods, notice the influence of the theoi in your daily life, and gradually that belief will solidify. You may or may not receive signs, which may or may not speed this process up. I promise, if you want to believe in the gods, in Hestia, it just takes time.

Also on feeling that you aren’t doing enough, the video at the bottom of this post (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhRRYqQo8Y) might help. And I promise: you are doing enough, you are enough, just as you are.

Now as for worship tips. You are honestly doing great so far. Thinking of her while doing household chores and tasks or dedicating those tasks for her is a great way to worship her. I’d also recommend checking out her Homeric and Orphic hymns, one translation of which can be found here, and a copy of the Homeric hymns can likely be found at a local bookstore or definitely through online ordering. The Homeric hymns can also start to teach you some stuff about prayer structure, but prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Hestia, or to any of my other deities. Tell them about my day, thank them for things in my life or the world, and sometimes asking them for things (although I find that I ask for aid much more rarely than when I prayed as the Catholic I was raised to be). I also have perpetually in progress playlists I have made for my deities, and if I want to spend some non-ritual time just focusing on a deity I’ll put on their playlist and read something religious or talk in religious discords. I actually had my most profound spiritual experience with Hestia while doing this.

Last but not least, worshipping Hestia, or any other deity, is something you have your whole life ahead of you to do. Take it at your own pace. Faith is all about the journey. The destination is irrelevant. There is no deadline or leveling up system, no authority checking your progress. As I have experienced time and time again, the gods will very much meet you where you are. A few months ago I was in a deep depression and did not do any ritual for several months. When I finally did a ritual again, I felt Hestia’s warm hand on my shoulder, as if to say “I miss you, welcome home”. I promise, Hestia will always welcome you home.

youtube

P.S. I know this ask is anonymous but Sage, feel free to message me with any additional questions about Hestia or worshipping deities in general. I’m here if you need any more help.

#hestia devotee #hestia worship #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan

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kingofthewilderwest · 4 years

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What's amatonormativity??

I’d encourage you to go to Google or check out tumblr tags and posts on amatonormativity to learn more!

Amatonormativity is the internalized cultural mindset that romance is default and central. It especially conceives of romance as the single most important relationship in someone’s life, to the point it should be focused upon and sought out above any other bond. It treats romance like the universal ultimate solution to any of our emotional bond problems (loneliness, intimacy, trust, support, longevity of relationships, etc.). Amatonormativity is heavily ingrained in many societies, like the mindset I find in people in the United States.

Of course romance isn’t a bad life experience! For many people, it can bring great joy. When people criticize amatonormativity, people aren’t criticizing that romance can be a great thing in someone’s life. The problem with amatonormativity is that it treats romance as the ULTIMATE thing, the ONE solution to our need for emotional fulfillment.

It’s important to understand that amatonormativity has profound negative side effects, whether you’re allo or aro, whether you’re queer or straight, and whatever gender you are. Society takes a lot of things for granted regarding romance and this can stunt our happiness. It stunts our ability to bond with other people around us or find satisfaction within our lives.

Amatonormativity underlies emotionally stunting assumptions like..... (disclaimer... I will often use language defaulting to the Western cishet perspective, because that’s the mindset of my broader society... I myself am an aroace enby and have more nuanced understandings of gender, gender expression, gender roles, sexual attraction and identity, romantic attraction and identity, etc.)

Automatically assuming that just because a man talks to a woman, the interaction MUST be romantic in nature (this of course intertwines with heteronormativity -- many of my points will intertwine with heteronormativity). It assumes there’s no such thing as “just friends” between people of “opposite” genders. This in turn can result in us losing opportunities to bond to, understand, or properly respect... literally half the human population.

Treating friendships as secondary. Treating friendships as temporary. Treating friendships as more replaceable than romance. Treating friendships as less “deep” and important to our time than romance, even a romance you started two days ago with someone you met last week. By doing this, we lose the chance to grow deeper with someone near us. It limits the potential by which we can bond with another human soul and find happiness.

The belief we are unlovable and not worth anything because we can’t find a romantic partner. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen people disregard their own worth because of this, and it makes me deeply sad. The truth is that our worth is not at all tied to whether we have a romantic partner. We can be so deeply loved and cherished in all sorts of relationships. Of course it’s still valid if you feel single blues because you want a romantic partner, but tying the concept into “I am worthless OR I’m dating” clearly is an emotionally harmful concept. It can result in everything down to hooking up in a relationship that you aren’t ready for or don’t like as much as you pretend you do.

The belief that we are utterly alone without a romantic partner. I notice this often ties into the amatonormative belief that we can only get good physical touch, trust, emotional and physical intimacy, etc. through a romantic partner. I feel this mindset is especially pronounced in cishet men, since USA culture treats masculinity as lacking outwardly expressed vulnerability, and ergo you might not be getting your emotional needs met through your platonic and familial relations. The one “accepted” way of getting your emotional needs met comes through The Girlfriend / Wife. This belief prevents us from reaching out and finding support through other people in our lives. We can find love and comfort in friends. We can confide about our emotional struggles and find relational intimacy (great trust!) through familial and platonic bonds. Hugs, snuggling, other acts of physical affection are what humans need, and don’t need to be relegated to One Person Only. Plus... if we assume that our emotional struggles should be fulfilled by One Person Only... that puts enormous pressure on that partner to provide for everything. No one’s that strong. We need support networks, not one designated “save me” individual. It’s pure unhealthiness to mount burdens only on one person, and bottle yourself up otherwise. I often see this fallacy pop up when people start a new romantic relationship. You might barely know the person, and yet you’re trying to rely on them for everything, and you’re trying to be the person they’ll rely on for everything. You dive deep into the expectations before you really know how to handle it, and in the process become psychologically overwhelmed because of the Huge Responsibilities this role seems to entail. Being in a romance doesn’t automatically mean you’ve reached peak intimacy! Note: it’s not to say that romance can’t be a major avenue of security. Of course it’s a great way to fulfill intimacy, trust, physical needs, etc. Of course it can become a bond full of loyalty. But romance is actually like any other relationship... a familial relation can be weak or it can be strong, a platonic relation can be weak or it can be strong, and a romantic bond can be weak or it can be strong. The fallacy is that we are treating romance as *THE* way to fulfill all these diverse emotional problems, socking it onto one individual when it might be beyond their single load to bear, and then not seeking out help from the other sources that are around us.

The belief that the only person you can live with is a romantic partner. Living with non-romantic roommates (aka living with friends) is seen as an undesirable inconvenience and something you only do temporarily because you financially have to. It’s seen as an immature youthful thing rather than something an established adult might do. Living with friends long-term out of chosen happiness is not something that crosses the mind of many people... it’s assumed you’ll either move out to live on your own, or marry and go and live with your partner.

The belief that adulthood progresses through a very specific sequence of events. You go to school. You leave on your own. You marry. You get a house. You have kids. There’s a reason it’s common for family to nag you “When are you going to get married? When are you going to get married?” Because clearly you haven’t made an important step of adulthood, an important step in life, unless you get married. I’ve noticed that for many of my friends, even those who are comfortable with the life choice to not get married... they express they don’t feel “as adult” as their married peers. And many people in society won’t treat them “as adult.”

Harmful beliefs downplaying spousal abuse, like those people who try to argue “you can’t rape your wife / husband / spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend / significant enby / significant dumbass. That’s not what rape means.” Because a sexual-romance is the GOOD thing, right?

AND MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE!!!

Some people of course have a better handle on their relationships than others. Some people are better at ignoring what society considers most important or most default. Some of what I’ve said above is when these beliefs are treated to their utmost, rather than what some people will do (lots of people have close “besties”, for instance). But amatonormativity+heteronormativity creeps in everywhere in society.

It’s the reason why, in most Hollywood movies, the protagonist is a man and the main actress is his romantic partner. It’s the reason why these two characters might start a steamy romance even before they know each other well; who needs to write ACTUAL understanding between the two characters when they obviously are going to fall in love and fuck?

It’s the reason why advertisements are so sex-oriented (reminder note: society usually doesn’t distinguish sexual and romantic bonds). Advertisements try to make their product appealing by associating it to romance, the Ultimate Desirable. Here’s how to make you look hot so you can attract someone in a romantic-sexual relationship, because THAT’S the ultimate goal of life, right?

It’s embedded in linguistic expressions. If someone asks if you’re dating, you respond, “No, she’s only a friend.” Or. “No. We’re just friends.” Friendship is being treated as lesser. Breakups are treated as inevitably bad even if you choose to be friends afterwards -- because clearly being friends is “taking a step back”, right? Even the word “break up” -- oooo that’s bad sounding! (There have been multiple times I’ve ended romantic relationships where I’ve turned the phraseology on the head and told them it’s a step forward to better, happier, healthier, stronger bonds... and they had to think it through, because amatonormative society forgets this can be the case.) “Friendzoning” is seen as a crime in part because you’re not going to be as intimate with someone as you want to be... despite the fact that having a non-romantic and/or non-sexual relationship with someone could be JUST as meaningful and deep!

I’ve FREQUENTLY seen church study groups that offer only these options: young adult small groups, women’s small groups, men’s small groups, and married couple’s small groups. Because clearly the only “mixed” gender situations out there are when you’re too young to be married, or you’re married.

And frankly, I think it’s one of the reasons why fandom likes to play hook-up with all the characters. Shipping is SO much fun! I love shipping! This is not a comment against the act of shipping! But if everyone needs a romantic partner to be happy...... mmmmm.... yeah let’s rethink what the underlying assumption is here. It’s that default assumption that “romance=happiness, romance=ultimate goal, romance=happily ever after, friendship=lesser.” If two characters in a show don’t canonically hook up, fans can get angry... even if the relationship showed on screen is one with a lot of trust, loyalty, happiness, and intimacy.

I am aroace. I don’t know how many other friends in the aro and/or ace community have talked about how lonely and unhappy they feel, because all their friends around them are looking for sex and romance and ergo don’t treat their friendship deep enough for my friends to get their emotional needs met. It’s easy to feel left out in a world where everyone is looking for romance, and ergo you are never the bond they want to pursue.

There are many ways in which we can achieve close bonds with people. This is why I think it’s important to talk about amatonormativity. Again, I’m SO happy when my friends are happy in a good romance. That’s a good thing!!! But it’s so psychologically destructive, whether you’re aro or allo, to live in a world where romance is considered The One And Only Key to relational happiness.

Talking about amatonormativity has the goal of helping us be aware about how society idolizes romance and/or sex. The goal is to help everyone know we have many options by which to pursue good, deep bonds in a variety of ways. The goal is to make sure we don’t treat romance as the only acceptable way to live. The goal is finding ways for humans to get our needs fulfilled healthily and widespreadly. The goal is to be more comfortable with and more accepting of people who don’t follow The One Righteous Path Of Required Romance, so that we can all be more comfortable with ourselves and the relations around us -- including being comfortable with our romances!

#long post #amatonormativity #heteronormativity #analysis #my analysis #ask #ask me #non-dragons #LGBTQ #LGBTQIA #queer community #aroace #awesome anonymous friend #Anonymous

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watchathon · 3 years

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Avatar: The Last Airbender, Series Finale: Sozin’s Comet

In case you’re finding this post just by browsing the tags I’ve used for this post, this is the Watchathon, a blog where I’m hoping to watch an episode of a TV show every weekday, with a short blog post where I write down my thoughts as I watch. Each new thought starts with a hyphen and a bolded first word.

- Like so. Now that the introductions are over with, it’s time to break that one-episode-a-day rule and finish off Avatar: The Last Airbender with the climactic grand finale, Sozin’s Comet:

PART 1: THE PHOENIX KING

- Okay, so, Katara in the intro is still saying “He has a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone.” I could’ve sworn they removed that part by this point... Maybe that was just something for the DVD?

- I like that the “Previously on” segment is so long. It really emphasizes how much buildup there was to this. How much the Gaang has been through to get here.

- I gotta say, I was not expecting a beach party in this episode.

- Somehow, for reasons I can’t explain because I don’t understand them myself, this ambush from Zuko made the audio of Nicolas Cage saying “Surprise attack!” in Into the Spider-Verse play in my head.

- Zuko’s really lucky that he earned Katara’s forgiveness before this violent pop quiz, seeing as just a half season ago... “You take one step backwards... one slip up... give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang - and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I'll make sure your destiny ends right then and there. Permanently.”

- It never occurred to me that we didn’t get details on the war meeting before now.

- I’d bet hearing about this plan is the thing that tipped the scales and fully convinced Zuko to join the Gaang, and prevent the genocide of the Earth Kingdom.

- It’s so nice to see Zuko being welcomed into the group hugs. Especially when it’s Katara who invites him.

- I like that Zuko is teaching Aang to redirect lightning, the same way Iroh taught him.

- Even before it’s made explicit, you can tell that Aang’s uneasy about the idea of killing.

- Toph is just delighting in her role as Melon Lord, isn’t she?

- Someone out there has definitely written an AU fanfic where someone gets killed during this training and it’s Toph’s origin story as the malicious Melon Lord. If not, then I will write it myself, and it shall be the crackiest crack fic that ever cracked.

- Y’know what, I wish Toph could’ve actually gone on a life-changing field trip with Zuko too! Everyone else got one...

- This scene of Sokka climbing into Appa’s mouth is even more uncomfortable once you’ve... well, once you’ve grown up and... Okay, I tried to put it subtly, but I just can’t: Once you’ve been cursed with the knowledge of what vore is.

- Well, there’s a bait-and-switch if I’ve ever seen one: “Azula, you’re the new Fire Lord!” “=)” “But I am now the Phoenix King and still your superior who you will answer to.” “=O”

- Nice to see June and her Shirshu make a comeback.

- Does this mean Aang wasn’t running away on purpose? I honestly thought he was just going to that island to get some alone time, maybe meditate or contact the previous Avatars’ spirits.

PART 2: THE OLD MASTERS

- I’m not sure if this is something I forgot from June’s first appearance, or if it’s actually just never been brought up before, but I didn’t know her Shirshu had a name.

- It’s sweet that Zuko is seeking out Iroh’s help. Even if the method of finding him is, ah, well... unorthodox.

- Even Avatar Roku doesn’t know where Aang is. And here I thought it was some Avatar thing that had never been brought up before.

- It’s nice to see these people make a comeback. Bumi, Piandao, even Jeong Jeong and Master Pakku are here for the finale.

- I am surprised that we didn’t get an interaction between Toph and Bumi, though. The man Aang wanted to teach him Earthbending, the girl who ended up doing it... But I guess there’s only so much time, and I don’t think there’s any scenes that could be deleted to make room for it.

- It seems like Aang is just searching for confirmation of his beliefs, rather than actually seeking wisdom.

- I like that we get to see Bumi taking full advantage of the eclipse to take back Omashu from the Fire Nation, instead of just being told about it.

- It’s nice to see so many past Avatars beyond just Roku and Kyoshi, Avatars that we never heard of before, but now we hear their stories. But all of these past Avatars echo the same sentiment that Aang should kill Ozai, even an Air Nomad Avatar.

- What can I say about this scene of Zuko and Iroh reuniting? Forgive me for echoing a post I made on my main blog, but this is a scene that’s both sweet and sad.

Sad, because Zuko’s abuse at the hands of Fire Lord Ozai left him anxiously expecting furious punishment for crimes much less than what he did to Iroh. He can’t even comprehend the idea that Iroh would forgive him. His expression while apologizing to Iroh clearly shows he’s expecting the worst.

Sweet, because Iroh still loves Zuko like his own son, and doesn’t even need to forgive him because he never felt anger at Zuko’s betrayal: Only sadness and a worry that Zuko had lost his way, truly lost his honor. And Iroh is so clearly happy to see that Zuko has found his destiny, and joined the fight against the Fire Nation.

I could go on and on about this scene... It’s my absolute favorite scene in the whole series and it brings me to tears every single time I see it.

Gosh... it’s gonna be so awkward going back to the jokes and little mundane thoughts after this, isn’t it?

- Okay, I have officially given up on the idea of finding out what the heck this island is.

- I like the smile on Katara’s face, when she’s asked to team up with Zuko and fight Azula.

- It’s nice to know that Iroh will get the opportunity to run that tea shop, even if Zuko won’t be there to work with him.

- Okay, okay, so the island was actually a lion turtle. Frankly, I’ve still got a lot of questions. Even some new ones.

- It’s nice to see that the Netlix subtitles aren’t ALLCAPS anymore.

PART 3: INTO THE INFERNO

- Gotta hand it to the music, it can make even a scene of Azula making a fuss over a non-pitted cherry rather unnerving.

- Azula’s... Azula-ness has gone straight up to eleven with her newfound role. Hasn’t it? What with all the banishments, even banishing the entire Dai Li.

- Sokka, Suki and Toph are the real dream team.

- And we get a great final blind joke!

- I like that we get to see everyone doing their part in this final battle. All the members of the Gaang, even the White Lotus, get their moments to shine.

- The hallucination of Ursa shows that Azula, on some level, has an idea of what’s wrong with her. You can tell that they were thinking of a redemption arc for Azula come Book 4, though I am glad that didn’t happen.

- It’s chilling to see Ozai razing the forests of the Earth Kingdom like it’s nothing. And then to realize that this is what Aang will have to face.

- At first I wasn’t sure what Sokka’s plan was, but now that I see it in action, it’s really creative.

- I like the idea of a final one-on-one Zuko vs Azula duel(...a). It’s been a rivalry since Book 2, and it’s nice to finally see it get settled, even if I can’t imagine it’ll end up that easy: Otherwise, what would Katara do?

- It’s so cool to see Aang showing his prowess in all bending techniques, using them all in this final showdown.

- The background music during Zuko and Azula’s Agni Kai really sells it. It makes it sound almost tragic, and it is: two siblings pitted against each other, no choice but to fight to determine the future of the world.

- Azula might be slipping, but she’s still Azula, all too willing to cheat in what’s supposed to be a one-on-one duel.

PART 4: AVATAR AANG

- Netflix isn’t showing the intro for the individual parts, but I’ve gotta say... There’s no way that Katara’s still saying Aang’s “got a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone.” Right?

- I like that we get to see one last use of Metalbending from Toph in the finale.

- Dang, I hope this isn’t really the end for Sokka’s sword, or his boomerang. Especially when the sword was so cool, and one could say meaningful.

- I honestly wasn’t sure the Avatar State would ever be a factor again. But if there was ever a time, this is it. (ADDENDUM: This is probably the best time to clarify that I find and add the images at the start after writing the rest of the post.)

- And it’s so epic to see Aang bending all four elements at once.

- I like that Iroh got to burn down the Fire Nation flag.

- Since Zuko’s down for the count, I guess this means a battle between Katara and Azula, the latter powered up by Sozin’s Comet.

- To be honest, I could barely make out what Azula just said. “kjsdbksrbfkjvf family position to look after, kdcbkfh”?

- Katara may not be stronger than Sozin’s Comet-powered Azula, but she’s much more clever than Azula is right now as she loses her marbles.

- This is just the perfect kind of defeat for Azula. There’s no grace to it, no dignity, just writhing around, screaming and spewing fire as Zuko and Katara look on with pity.

- There’s probably a great practical reason someone could find for Spiritbending being a thing, but here’s why I’m glad it exists: Aang gets a happy ending. He gets to take down the Fire Lord, and hold true to his beliefs. If it weren’t for Spiritbending, if Aang killed Ozai, then he would be conflicted to the end.

And I don’t want that. I want Aang to get an unambiguously, undoubtedly happy ending, where the world is saved and that’s all there is to it.

Plus, Spiritbending is quite the spectacle.

- I’m guessing Sokka’s space sword and boomerang really are done for. But hey, there’s always headcanon. Maybe Sokka searched the forest and eventually found them.

- Weird to think that Ty Lee’s gonna be a Kyoshi Warrior.

- Again, I can’t believe Zukaang’s not the most popular Zuko ship in the fandom. Not a ship I’ll go to bat for, but it’s got all the hallmarks of a fan-preferred couple.

- It’s so nice to see Zuko’s coronation, and the official end to the war. It’s a happy ending for the whole world, the start of an era of peace.

- “Love and peace,” huh...? Now that’s funny to hear in the finale to this show, considering the next show I’m covering, come 2021...

- I like that we get to see one last confrontation between Zuko and Ozai. Even if Zuko’s question of where Ursa is doesn’t go anywhere (in the show, I know they touch on that in the comics), it’s nice to see the newly-crowned Fire Lord Zuko having evolved past a need for Ozai’s attention, or a fear of Ozai’s wrath.

- It’s nice to see the whole Gaang having fun at Iroh’s tea shop, in the end. And I stand corrected, this is where we get the final blind joke.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I’m lucky in that most of my childhood cartoons hold up as an adult. I watched Kim Possible, Phineas and Ferb, Code Lyoko, Courage the Cowardly Dog...

Still, there’s something special about Avatar: The Last Airbender. It had a unique aesthetic and world that no other show was quite like. It had a story that was like nothing I’d ever seen as a kid.

And it doesn’t just hold up, it’s even better.

When I was a kid, it was as simple as rooting for the good guys to win, and for the Firebenders to lose, except for Zuko once he turned good.

Now, as an adult (but mostly as someone with a DVD player/Netflix account so I’m not just watching whatever reruns I can catch) I can appreciate the character development, the arcs, the entire story.

I can appreciate how Aang grew from a little boy who does indeed have a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone, into a hero who could save the world.

I can appreciate how Zuko was an abuse victim who did what all abused children wish they could do and left his abuser.

I can appreciate... Gosh, Iroh’s entire character and dynamic with Zuko.

Some people say that Avatar “starts off as a kids show, then turns serious”, but I’d disagree. Avatar is a show where our heroes change, where they learn lessons, where they come of age and become the kind of heroes who can end a war that’s been going on for over a century.

As relieved as I am to be (mostly) done with these posts for the rest of the year, I am still oh-so-glad that I’ve rewatched Avatar yet again, and I know that I will be whenever I rewatch it in the future.

Now, with all that said... Farewell! Until the Christmas special, at least...

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bellesowl · 3 years

Note

hi! congratulations on your milestone!! would it be ok to ask for either an appearance matchup or personality match up?! either one will do! you can pick :)

height: 5'1 1/2 i am smol... my aesthetic is minimalist + slight softcore. pronouns: she/her, mbti: infp, zodiac: leo sun gemini moon

things i like in a partner: someone who's straightforward and responsible. strong and sensible. also someone who knows how to take care of themselves and cares for others.

things i dislike in a partner: when they're wishy washy and have no motivation in life.

my favorite boys are akaashi, kita and iwaizumi :)

general likes: desserts!! i love anything sweet. art and music.

general dislikes: traditional gender norms!!! boys can cook and clean too 😤 not just girls. i hate when i come home after working 12 hours and my dad always expects me to cook a full course meal and then clean up afterwards because "thats what girls do" when im tired from work; and all my older brother did that day was sit around and play video games. he should be the one cooking for once!!!

anything else: i think its important to follow what your heart wants! to enjoy what you love to do without feeling guilt or shame. i think as long as you're happy then its ok! you'll always be able to find a way to make things work out in the end.

hii! ty for participating <3

I SHIP YOU WITH: OIKAWA TOORU

→ sawamura daichi, kuroo tersurou, kita shinsuke

i think you would both be very cute together! i hc oikawa as someone who jokes around but can also be very serious when he needs to be. like we can see in his role as one of the best setters, he can read between the lines and be very straightforward w you. he evidently has a very strong motivation and strives to be the best at what he does. he would definitely joke around w you and would help you around the house <3 i think you would ground him & he would help you loosen up almost.

you were exhausted beyond belief. after a long day of school and having to deal with unruly people at work, all you wanted was to wind down. you enter your apartment and immediately head to the kitchen. upon seeing the near-empty fridge, you almost break down. the only thing stopping you? the sound of someone knocking on your front door.

you pick yourself up and head to the door, slightly irrita by the insistent knocking. you open the door to find your gorgeous boyfriend smiling down at you. at your tired expression he rushes you toward the couch.

“hard day, my love?” he asks, heading to your kitchen. he frowns slightly at the mess before asking, “have you eaten yet?”

you shake your head and slump down.

“go ahead and shower baby.” he says, leading you to the bathroom. “i’ll whip something up for us, okay?”

you quickly finish your shower and the first thing that hits you as soon as you walk into the living room is the heavenly smell. the second thing, is the mess, or more specifically, the lack thereof.

“ ‘ru,” you start as soon as you enter the kitchen, “did you-” you stop when you look up at him, trying your hardest to contain your laughter. “what on earth are you wearing.”

your boyfriend, a world renowned setter, was wearing your pink apron with frills on it. you grab your phone to quickly snap a picture- his friends would definitely enjoy this for years to come.

“what?” he asks, winking at you, “you don’t think i would make a good househusband?”

you walk up to him, wrapping your arms around his waist. “i could get used to this, you know?”

“then move in with me.” he says, his determination evident in his tone, “we’ve been dating for long enough anyways, and-”

you cut him off with a kiss, “do you even have to ask?”

bonus: i would match you with yamaguchi tadashi <3

#—love letters #—isa plays matchmaker!#—milestones!#— they really are soulmates!

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rayne-storm · 3 years

Text

AUgust 5 - Science Fiction

Cooking With Crewmates - Hannigram & Among Us

This is some violent self-indulgent garbage, and also by far the longest thing I've written for AUgust so far, and I've had to edit this intro to fit the Tumbl's block limit. Contains violence and gore inherent in the fandoms. Possibly extraordinarily ooc. No beta, we die like men.

William Graham had not always wanted to do space things. In fact, if you had asked him ten years earlier if he would ever want to do anything on a space station, he would have flipped you off and run the other direction. He hated being cramped up. He hated not having control of his immediate situation. He would never describe himself as "works well with others" in any capacity.

Yet there he was.

In a fucking tin can in space. With a horrible murderer loose.

Fuck.

And all he could do was grumble as he went about his day, desperately trying to repair a rapidly failing piece of garbage, trying to avoid air vents and being followed anywhere.

His antisocial tendencies had never come so in handy.

There was one member of the team, however, that seemed determined to undermine his self-imposed Exile. The ship's cook and doctor (everyone tried to do double-duty where they could) Hannibal Lecter seemed hellbent on following him everywhere, and it would have been cute if it weren't so frustrating.

The other man wore bright red, with (of all damn things) a chef's hat on top of his helmet. He stood out, in every way possible. Admittedly, Will's little clip-on dog ears weren't the most subtle of accessories, but at least he was a solid color and could blend into shadows if he so wished. Like a ninja. Not like a fire engine.

But it was sweet, kind of, how insistent the older man was that he be with Will so often. He seemed to get his tasks done quickly, and his cooking really was delicious. It was enough, almost, to make Will forget there was a gruesome murderer on the loose.

Almost.

The first time he saw a dead body was back on Earth. He had, for a time, worked with the FBI's Behavior Analysis Unit. He had a sort of "superpower" to be able to get into people's heads, hyper-empathy they called it. He could still remember that first case. It didn't haunt him like it used to, but it was there, the first in a file-folder in his mind that he kept locked tight until he had space to process the things inside.

The things he had seen on this ship were leagues beyond the worst cases on Earth. These bodies weren't just dismembered, they were ripped apart, like they had encountered some kind of… well, creature. Whatever had done the things he was seeing wasn't human. It simply wasn't possible.

He had to reevaluate a lot of personal beliefs very quickly.

The crew eventually came to the conclusion that whatever was doing this to their members was hiding Among Them. They decided on the moniker of "imposter" for the thing.

Now to figure out who it was.

Will had his suspicions. Of everyone, unfortunately. But suspicion kept him alive on Earth, it would work alright here too. Especially as there were fewer and fewer people left.

Will imagined how it would go, if he were face to face with whatever had been destroying their Crewmates. He never came out alive. Best-case was he would airlock it and shoot it into space. Like they had done to several people already (he had refused to participate).

Curiously, Hannibal had also refused to vote, or participate in the discussion. Will wondered if it had anything to do with the Hippocratic Oath, or just personal morals. The strange thing was that the doctor didn't get nearly as much protest against his refusal to participate in these death sentences as Will did. Something about the man radiated this calm, cool authority that Will guessed people just accepted.

Whatever the case, he supposed it didn't hurt that the man was seemingly always on his side.

"They condemn you because they do not understand," Doctor Lecter had murmured to him one evening as another crewmate was launched into the cold void of space.

"Don't understand what?"

"You feel their pain as if you were the one out there, freezing and choking."

Will looked down, shaking his head. He knew that in the empty vacuum of space, ship walls between them, he couldn't really hear the screams, but he felt his ears ring all the same.

"Who are we to play God?"

"I think God must be laughing at this. He kills all the time, and are we not created in His image?"

Will felt a shudder ripple through him. Whether fear or something else entirely he wasn't certain.

He knew he was in trouble, falling way too hard for this mysterious doctor chef. It was ridiculous, frankly, to have even remotely romantic feelings for a fire-hydrant in a chef's hat, but here he was. He wondered numbly if Hannibal had any sort of reciprocity, feeling something for the little edgelord wolf boy Will was dressed up as.

He didn't have to wonder long.

He was in his private quarters after a long day of doing medical scans and fixing wires (reminding him so much of his former hobby of tying his own fly-fishing lures), and was halfway out of his suit when there was a knock at the door.

He debated putting the bulky gear back on, but chose against it, instead walking to the door and opening the little peephole.

It was… an extremely handsome man, in a tweed suit of all things. Will realized immediately who it was when he saw the gorgeous dish of food the man was carrying.

"Doctor Lecter?"

"Please, just Hannibal. We are friends, are we not?"

Will couldn't help but smile. Yes, somehow, despite everything, they were friends. Possibly more?

Will opened the door, stepping back, and he realized that they had never actually seen each other before, without the privacy afforded to them by their suits.

Hannibal was so much more than a red space man with (again) a comical hat. He was slender, and older than Will had initially anticipated. His hair was combed back neatly, and his gorgeous cheekbones looked like they could cut glass. His eyes were just as lovely, and Will realized he was staring only as he became aware Hannibal was as well.

Will wondered what the other man thought of him beneath the wolf ears. He knew he was scruffy and unkempt, far more so now in front of this immaculately groomed man. But Hannibal was looking at him like he was something… beautiful. He felt himself blushing.

Hannibal caught himself and smiled, glancing down as he stepped inside the room. He set the food down on the little table in the room, and Will shut the door behind him.

Hannibal took some cutlery from an inside jacket pocket, setting it down on either side of the dish.

"I didn't see you at dinner tonight, and I thought it might be kind to bring you some food myself."

Will smiled sheepishly and nodded. "Thank you. That is very considerate. It looks and smells amazing."

He sat carefully, wary that he still had his suspenders that attached his suit bottoms to him. He was rather mismatched. But Hannibal didn't seem to care.

He sniffed the meal experimentally, it was some type of meats and noodles in a thick dark sauce.

"What culinary delight have you served me tonight, doc- Hannibal?"

Will caught the little grin that the other man tried to stifle at the mention of his name.

"Teriyaki udon. With blackened chicken."

Will nodded.

"Will you partake as well, or..?"

"Oh, no, I ate earlier. Please, feel free."

Will nodded again, taking a cautious bite.

It was amazing, like everything the man cooked.

He couldn't suppress a small groan of delight, and he didn't mess the slight shiver that seemed to run down Hannibal's body. Interesting…

He devoured the meal, though he did try to at least remember his table manners. He felt embarrassed, honestly, but Hannibal looked so damn happy.

"I am so glad you like it," Hannibal murmured with a smile, packing the container and cutlery away.

"And, I must say, you are… exquisite. If we survive this ordeal, would… could…" he paused, glancing down, and Will felt jitters.

"I would, yes," he answered.

Hannibal blushed - blushed! - and smiled.

"That… makes me extraordinarily happy. Thank you, Will, I… I am so glad I have met you."

Will smiled and nodded. "I am too."

Hannibal ducked his head and waved as he stepped back out into the ship.

Will couldn't help smiling as he watched the man walk away.

This became their routine. A break from the monotony of every day, both the anxiety and the boredom. Will felt himself growing ever more attached to his companion, and found that he no longer disliked the doctor's seeming constant desire to be nearby as Will worked. In fact, Will would sometimes speed through his other tasks just to be able to meet Hannibal in Medbay as Hannibal finished his work.

Their evenings were spent together usually with Will eating something amazing Hannibal prepared, the other abstaining due to having eaten already. That was fine. They were together, talking about everything and nothing, confiding secrets. Will told Hannibal about his panic attacks, about how he couldn't work on Earth at the BAU because he felt himself becoming some kind of monster.

Hannibal in turn revealed his own tragic childhood, and confided that the Imposter (and subsequent hunts and ejection) made him uneasy enough to keep a knife on his personal at all times. His left rear pocket, he said, "in case something happens."

They tried to avoid that sort of talk, though. It just led to somber silences.

Mostly, Will enjoyed talking about folklore and food. Two universals of humanity. Hannibal had rich tapestries of experience in both, and Will was content to listen to his companion speak for hours on end, well into the night.

Will wondered, sometimes, when Hannibal walked back to his own quarters, what would happen if Will asked him to stay. To just… be with him, through the night. Nothing more. Nothing less.

He wondered what would happen if they survived this. What would happen if it came down to just themselves and the monster hiding in the ship.

Will knew, without a doubt now, he would die for Hannibal.

It didn't matter if that wasn't reciprocal.

One evening, they were down to six, and Will and Hannibal were having dinner (Will was eating, Hannibal talking). There was a knock at the door and Hannibal frowned as he stood to see who it was. He didn't make it to the door when it was forced open and their three remaining Crewmates were there, running in and seizing Will.

"It's you!" Pink screamed.

Will looked around, confused and terrified as hands grabbed at him, dragging him literally kicking and screaming from his own room.

"What?! What's- hey! Stop-!"

The crew didn't pause as they dragged him out, one staying by to keep Hannibal from following.

"We always knew you were a creepy little freak, but damn, Graham, I can't believe we've been so blind."

"It's not me! What the fuck?!"

"It has to be you. You and the Doc were the only two missing when we found the body, and we all know it's not him."

Will tried to process everything happening. He counted, there were only three people surrounding him and Hannibal, who was still shouting (he had never seen the man so upset, so animated), and it clicked.

It was Hannibal.

All this time, the man he was falling for was the monster he was afraid of.

He felt like the realization should have hit harder, should have hurt more, but…

Well it didn't really change much, now.

Hannibal was still the only one who had shown him a shred of decency. Hannibal listened to him, consoled him, cooked for him… cared for him.

Will felt everything move in slow motion. He met Hannibal's eyes. He saw the fear there, of what he couldn't be certain.

He felt a wave of calm come over him. All of this proof, and the crew still had not put it together (he, at least, had been blinded by affection and antisocial tendencies). Hannibal would almost certainly win this morbid game.

He didn't expect Hannibal to go full monster.

His jaw unhinged like a snake's, and his nails became claws, and there was just a pile of meat where the crewman holding him back once had been.

Everything stopped. The pair holding him let go and Will fell to the floor with a sharp cry, the air leaving his lungs all at once. He tried to catch his breath as Hannibal turned to the Crewmates. Will saw how terribly inhuman he seemed, even without the snake-jaw and claws, in the cold light in his eyes, the hard line of his mouth, the fury that Will could tell was bubbling just beneath the surface.

"You!!"

Will wheezed a chuckle. It was so obvious now to him. How Hannibal had almost always just "eaten," how he had so much knowledge about so many things, how he seemed to finish his tasks so quickly. He had attached himself to Will, who protested the ejections, who never noticed whether Hannibal could complete their tasks or not…

Will had to wonder if any of it was real. If he fell in love with a monster incapable of returning his feelings. It had felt real, had felt mutual, he knew he had seen affection in the man's eyes as they talked.

Maybe Hannibal could fake it. But it had been real enough for Will, realer than the simpering cowards who were rapidly backing away, cowering behind Will. As he got to his feet, one shoved him back down, towards Hannibal. Hannibal glanced down at him, worry briefly passing through his gaze as he continued to walk towards the pair of fools.

Will panted, slowly working his way back up to his feet, leaning against a wall. Hannibal stalked towards his prey, and Will was surprised at his own feelings of vicious satisfaction.

They deserved this. They deserved to suffer for all the lives they'd taken in their squabbling.

Hannibal reached towards the pair, a thick black… something… stretching from his hand and wrapping it around the pink crewmate. It squeezed, and with a sickening crunch, that crewmate was no more.

Will staggered towards the action, and saw the remaining figure pulling their gun up, aiming at Hannibal, still busy mutilating the pink body.

Time slowed down for Will. He ran, as fast as he could, reaching for Hannibal.

Back right pocket.

He felt the knife in Hannibal's pocket, gripping it as he felt himself fall, then what his brain could only describe as a chair leg punching through his chest. He gripped the knife as he lay on the ground, and while Hannibal had his attention torn between the crewmate and himself, Will threw the knife.

He hoped that his sense of aim was at least passible and as he felt himself starting to black out, all he could think was that he had been right.

He would die for Hannibal.

He hadn't expected to wake up, later. He gasped and sat up, hands reaching blindly, frantically, into nothing. A burst of pain in his chest forced him back down, and he nearly blacked out again.

He looked around, body slick with sweat as he panicked, looking around to figure out where he was, mind trying to figure out what had happened.

He felt a gentle pressure by his feet, and a warm hand pressed to his forehead.

"Welcome back, Will."

That was Hannibal's voice. Quiet, sure. Perhaps it was his own confusion, but Will could have sworn there was something… different. Perhaps a bit of a warble that inferred something beyond the man's usual brand of steady confidence.

It didn't matter.

"I… you… you're okay?"

Hannibal came into view, the same composed man in the tweed suit.

"I am. You very nearly weren't, my silly, foolish, brace Will…" he murmured, sitting down by Will's side.

Will looked down, his chest was covered in bandages, a couple little tubes running from them. So he really had been shot.

"Why did you do that? Why did you put yourself in the way?" Hannibal sounded nearly… angry.

"Because I couldn't lose you," Will croaked.

Hannibal's hand stroked Will's hair, soothing, tender, nothing one might expect from a creature that had done so much damage.

"Even though you knew what I was?"

"You were the lesser evil in my eyes."

"And what now? Will you try to flee as soon as you are well? Will you kill me yourself?"

Will chuckled softly, leaning into the warm hand.

"Seems a bit pointless. I'd starve to death without your cooking."

Hannibal managed a smile, though it was very nearly a grimace, and Will realized with some amusement (and some sadness) that there were tears in the man's eyes.

"Hey now, I'm the one with a hole in my body, no crying," Will chided gently, his own hand reaching out to wipe the tears away.

"I am sorry. I never intended to… get so attached."

Will hummed in agreement. He hadn't either. But that's what they got for being lonely fools, he supposed.

"Just to clarify," Will started, carefully adjusting, "did you feed me my Crewmates?"

That would be… problematic, to say the least, but he would understand.

"I… yes."

"To get rid of evidence?"

"Partially. Partially to… initiate you."

Into what? Was there some kind of monster cult? Hannibal saw his confusion and continued.

"I… wondered, perhaps, if you would… ever consider becoming… more. Than you are. Becoming the purest form of yourself."

"Becoming like you, you mean," Will interpreted, and Hannibal nodded.

"I confess, it gave me great excitement to think about."

Will could imagine. Hannibal must have been even more alone than Will felt, with no one truly understanding anything about him.

"Why not finish it?"

"I would need your consent. I could, in theory, turn you, but…"

Hannibal looked down.

"I would rather you kill me than resent me for turning you against your will. I knew you would likely starve yourself in protest. I… I could not watch you do that."

It was the most vulnerable Will thought he had ever seen Hannibal. There was something deeply endearing about it.

"Well, now what, then? Will you turn me now? If I consent?"

Hannibal looked up at him, tears even greater than they had been.

"You would want to become such a thing?"

"I think I would. If it means I can be with you. If you'll have me."

Will scarcely had time to blink when Hannibal's lips were on his own, and those tender arms were cradling him to the monstrous man's chest.

For such a powerful creature, Hannibal seemed so delicate and fragile now. Will carefully returned the embrace, mewling into the kiss.

He'd never felt like this before. He felt… known. Perceived, all that he was. He loved it.

"Are there many like us?" He murmured as Hannibal pulled away to rest their foreheads together.

"No, there is no one like us."

Will chuckled softly.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I can't say I do, please enlighten me."

"Now you're teasing me."

"I would never," Hannibal purred softly.

"Right, right. I mean, are there more, I guess, imposters? What are we called?"

"Probably. I never cared to know any before. All I need, all I desire, is here, with you."

Will laughed, shaking his head.

"You're lucky you're so charming."

"I am. I'm lucky you appreciate my special brand of charm."

Will hummed in agreement, leaning up for another kiss. He could easily see himself getting addicted to this. It seemed Hannibal could to, because the man was straddling his hips.

"Easy, now, I'm grievously injured, remember? You have to play nice with me," Will teased.

"Of course, of course. Just getting comfortable" Hannibal retorted.

"That so? Well alright, I suppose I can't be mad at that, then."

Hannibal smiled, genuinely, pressing gentle kisses to Will's forehead.

"Don't worry. I'm a patient man. I've waited this long for you, I can manage a few more weeks. Just be patient with me as well. This… is all new."

Will nodded, yawning and adjusting himself again. He felt exhaustion tug at his mind, and though he tried, he couldn't resist just resting his eyes.

"It's alright, my Will. Sleep. You have time to Become something amazing."

#rayne writes #my writing #violence #gore #among us #hannibal #hannigram #not sfw #au gust 2021

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itisi-asimplegay · 3 years

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26, 40, 42?

oh ty <333 idk if youre one of my english speaking followers or hebrew, so with your permission i will answer in english

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you? hmm, i. honestly thought this would be harder to answer, but as soon as i read it a specific moment jumped into my mind - 2018, i think, or maybe 2017 - my first pride it was in tel aviv, the parade itself just started a few minutes before and i was maybe a hundred meters in, and i look around and i see all those people who are just like me, who make up *my community*, i see all the different flags, the diverse array of people, and everyone's smiling and laughing and its just so so happy that i couldnt stop smiling - im smiling now just thinking about it. just, knowing we were all so, so different and still *so* similar; it just hit me it was the only time i went to pride in tel aviv and i honestly cant wait until i can finally go again

40. Do you believe in love? oh, definitely. more than just believe *in* love, i believe love is the driving force behind people, behind humanity. not necessarily romantic love - in fact, specifically *not* just romantic love, romantic love is honestly such a small part of all the love we feel in our lives.

think about it, so many great, wonderful things have been invented out of love - not necessarily even a need from a specific person, but just - people that saw other people who needed *something*, and rose up for the challenge

honestly, i will link this question to a video game i just finished and am currently obsessed with; Horizon: Zero Dawn in it (and, uh, major spoilers for the plotline) the world, our world, with all the plants and animals and *people*, ended something like a thousand years ago. however, some people discovered ahead of time whats going on and created a project to save life itself - not any life currently on the planet, but the *possibility* of life. they worked so hard, 80 hour weeks, they faced failure after failure and hardship after hardship and they still kept going and you know what? that's love. obviously its a video game and not real people, but beyond the in-game love that these characters had to have had, that *portrayal* of humanity? that belief we will do whatever we need to to preserve our world, even in the face of complete annihilation, even when we know it wouldnt help us, specifically? thats love, in and out of itself.

42. Are you okay? honestly? yeah, yeah, i am. it feels, hm, kind of unreal to say that - but i can honestly say that i am. thank you so so much for this ask, i honestly had so so much fun answering it<3 worked on it for like half an hour lol

#ask #anon i love you

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dialovers-translations · 4 years

Text

Diabolik Lovers BLOODY BOUQUET Vol. 9 Sakamaki Kanato [Track 1]

Original title: 不安という悪魔

Source: Diabolik Lovers Bloody Bouquet Vol. 9 Sakamaki Kanato [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here��(00:00 ~ 16:52)

Seiyuu: Kaji Yuki

Translator’s note: This was a long first track but I got through it, wooh! Kanato is definitely a bit of a spoiled brat in this. I thought it was starting out nice with the very peaceful monologue but then it went straight to him smashing plates against the floor and throwing a tantrum. ;; That being said, I am curious how the plot of this CD will play out with an emotional, unstable character such as Kanato.

This track was requested by an anonymous user! If you would like to request a translation, please contact me through IMs or drop an ask!

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5

Track 1: The Demon that is Anxiety

Every fairytale ends the same way. The two lovers are united (1), finding their blessing. And they lived happily ever after. ー The End. Similarly, I obtained my ending in which I get to live alone with her.

Yet, my heart is filled with nothing but worries and anxiety. Has she truly become only mine? Exactly. I could not feel satisfied just from living my her side. I wanted to make her entire being mine. However, she remains out of my grasp. Just who does her blood, her body and her soul belong to?

Henceforth, as if a curse had been placed on me, I continued to ponder over how I could make her mine.

***

*SHATTER*

“Are you...trying to say these sweets are more important to you than I am...!!?”

*SHATTER*

You try and calm him down.

“Calm down...? As you can tell, I am clearly composed. ...Aren’t you the one who is being weird right now!? To say that these sweets are the reason why you are living together with me...Unforgivable!”

You try and explain yourself.

“A misunderstanding? ...That shouldn’t be the case. After all, day after day, you make such a happy expression only when you’re eating these sweets from the Demon World! You’re horrible...!!”

Kanato walks away a little.

“So this is why you’ve been together with me like this...Haah...Of course...It all makes sense now. Ugh!!”

*THUD*

You frown.

“I won’t allow you to feign ignorance now. You truly are a bad person for upsetting me this much. ...Hey, have you realized how you’ve been tying me down this whole time?”

You shake your head.

“You haven’t? ...You truly are dumb. Or are you doing it on purpose perhaps? You always take on that innocent attitude. Because of that, I end up thinking about you around the clock. I’m the only one who is being held captive...No matter how you look at it, this has to be unfair!

Therefore, please tell me right now. That you belong to me and me only. Prove it to me.”

You tell Kanato you like him.

“Is saying you like me really the best you can do? Hmm...’Like’, huh? Hah! Are you trying to trick me with those words which might as well come from a child’s mouth? Honestly, you are beyond belief.”

You repeat your words.

“Like I said...Just words isn’t enough! Prove to me that I’m the only one in your eyes, the only one on your mind...!!”

You hug him.

“Keh...What’s this? Even if you embrace me, it doesn’t make for any proof. This is somehting anyone can do after all.”

You seem at a loss.

“What you should do? There’s plenty of options, right!? For example...How about you become my little marionette? You’d listen to everything I say, living your life thinking only about me. Doesn’t that sound very lovely?”

You frown.

“Let’s see...For starters, change into this first. I prepared these clothes, figuring they would suit you very well.”

*Rustle*

You seem a little hesitant.

“What’s the matter? Hurry up and get changed. I wish you would trust me a little more...PUT IT ON ALREADY!!”

You flinch before nodding.

“Yes, just like that. Make it quick, okay?”

You start walking.

“Wait.”

You come to a halt.

“Hey, where are you trying to go? There’s no reason to go to a different room just to change. Please put it on here, right in front of me.”

You seem somewhat flustered.

“If you truly love me, you can do as much, right?”

You start to get changed.

“Heh...Fufufu~ You are very cute like that, changing clothes while clearly embarrassed. However...Ugh!”

He rips part of the outfit.

“I think it would look even better if we make the hem of the skirt just a little shorter.

Taking this part...Like this...”

*Riiiiiip*

“About this length...Don’t move, okay!? It makes it difficult. Ugh...Ugh...!!”

*Rustle rustle*

“WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN TO WHAT I’M SAYING!?”

You seem distressed.

“What’s the matter? ...Ah, you’re bleeding it seems. I only wanted to cut your clothes, but I must have made a mistake. Ah-aaah~”

Kanato pins you against the wall.

*Thud*

“Tell me...What must I do for you to be a good girl? I wonder if I should just...turn you into a Vampire already? In that case, you too will...”

You try and push him away.

“...!? What are you doing, all of a sudden!?”

You once again try and get your point across.

“I’ve been telling you this the whole time, I just can’t trust you on your word. Haah... I thought that finally...my curse would be lifted...”

You tilt your head.

“It’s nothing. More importantly, what other methods will you use to prove to me that you are mine?”

Kanato grabs hold of your arm.

“Answer me...Please...”

You convey your feelings again.

“Haah...That again? Even though I’m telling you just words aren’t enough.”

You repeat yourself.

“I’m tired of hearing your ‘I like you, I like you’. ...Whatever. Just being told you like me smells of a lie. Please try specifying what part of me you like.”

You reply.

“...’Everything’? What is this ‘everything’? Rather than giving me such a vague concept, please try naming them one by one.”

You start naming everything you like about him.

“My voice and...face? That’s all?”

You continue.

“The color of my eyes and hair. What else?”

You continue once more.

“My expressions and...heart (2)? What do you mean with ‘heart’?”

You explain yourself.

“My feelings of...wanting to keep you all for myself? You mean to imply you like that as well?”

You nod.

“Why?”

You explain.

“Because that’s what makes me who I am? You like my entire being, huh? Haah...You really are a fool.”

Kanato embraces you.

“Very well. I’ll forgive you for today. I accidentally lost my temper as well. However, you are still to blame.”

*Smooch*

“Because you make me anxious with your ambiguous attitude. Isn’t that right?”

You apologize.

“Fufu~ In that case...I suppose I should punish you. Please repent with your body, so you’ll never make me worry like that again. You want my fangs, don’t you..?”

You shake your head.

“There is no point in denying it. I can read you like a book after all. ...Right?”

Kanato bites you.

*Gulp gulp*

“Mm...Haah...Aah~ No matter when I suck it, your blood is always so delicious.”

*Sluuurp*

“...Fufu~ Piercing deep holes through these cute ears of yours and putting accessoires on them so they won’t disappear might be nice as well. Haahn...Mmh...”

*Gulp*

“However, if I were to do that, I wouldn’t be able to suck from your ears again. What to do?”

*Gulp gulp*

“Haah...You’ll still love me, even after being punished like this, right?”

He continues to drink your blood.

“...Are you listening to me? Don’t just space out. If you don’t give me an answer, I’ll have to hurt you.”

*Sluuuuurp*

“Your reply?”

You nod.

“Fufu~ Just as I thought. Mm...”

*Smooch*

"Of course. You like this. You like feeling my fangs sink deep into your flesh, inflicting pain upon you. ...That’s okay. I’ll give you aaaall the things you like~”

Kanato bites you once more.

“Mmh...You are mine and in the same way...I also belong to you.”

***

A few months have passed since we came to this manor. Every day consists of this same arguing back and forth. It is something vital for me to be able to remain myself. Even though I finally have her as mine, and she acknowledges this herself as well. We may be living together like this, but I still can’t seem to shake off this feeling of anxiety.

However, in the progress, I am able to experience how she belongs to me. Even if uncertain and temporary, at that very moment, I felt fulfilled.

Without realizing, we had been approached by the one who covers everything in a deep darkness, the demon that is anxiety.

I wonder when I will finally be able to trust her?

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) 結ばれる or ‘musubareru’ already has that (possible) connotation of being united/connected through marriage.

(2) In Japanese, the word 心 or ‘kokoro’, while often translated as ‘heart’ does not refer to the actual organ. Instead, it refers to a person’s emotions, feelings, soul, mind, etc. depending on the context.

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #kanato sakamaki #diabolik lovers bloody bouquet #diabolik lovers translation #diabolik lovers drama cd #drama cd

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just-let-us-love-you-darling · 3 years

Note

I am a hopeful romantic what if matteo proposed to s/o on Valentine's day? Haha 😹 I guess I am too early. Cupid anon.

Truthfully it wasn’t until he overheard a stranger gushing to her friends about her upcoming wedding, that he even remembered that marriage was a thing that people did. Now that it’s in his mind though, he can’t stop thinking about it.

Thanks to his years of analysing people in order to complete missions with the utmost efficiency, Matteo is actually really good at figuring out exactly what kind of things would make his s/o happy. A quick glance at the valentines decorations already starting to fill stores, is enough to remind him how much of a romantic they are.

Coming up with a plan after that, is child’s play.

Despite not quite understanding the appeal of all of these things himself, he’s insanely good at setting the perfect romantic proposal up, the idea of having yet another thing tying them to him, only encouraging him to pull out all the stops. Not that he wasn’t prepared to do so for them anyway.

His s/o will find themself being pampered beyond belief on the days leading up to the proposal, with Matteo gifting them a lavish new outfit perfectly tailored to their body and tastes.

With a firm and reassuring grip, he’ll lead them into a suspiciously closed park, where they will find a beautifully set table, complete with candles and their favourite flowers.

Though it’s probably best that they don’t ask for the specifics, somehow he’s managed to get hold of the chef and some of the staff from a rather popular restaurant for the occasion. His s/o will be treated to their favourite meal and a surprisingly casual conversation given the setting, with Matteo not giving them even a single hint of what’s to come.

It’s not until dessert is finished, that he’ll finally get into his real reason for all of the extravagance.

Choosing the most traditional option, he will rather abruptly sink to one knee before his s/o, a soft smile pulling at his usually rather stoic face. Despite his struggles with understanding other people and their emotions on a personal level, his proposal will be surprisingly passionate and romantic.

Hopefully his s/o is a little too distracted by the whole thing, to notice the dark satisfaction that flickers through his eyes when he finally sees the custom made ring sitting snug around their finger.

(A hopeful romantic? I like that one, I’m a hopeless romantic myself. And it’s never a bad time for some delightful romantic corniness. Hopefully you enjoyed this, I did try my best.)

#yandere #matteo x reader #yandere x reader #spy #yandere spy #x reader #reader #yandere x you #matteo #headcanon #headcanons #this felt messy but I tried #it's hard to write a proposal that everyone will enjoy #so I just went with the most over the top option lol #cupid anon

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my-oh-my · 4 years

Text

silver bullets and red roses: chapter one

hi! this is my first post, i started writing this series literally months ago and i forgot about it. i read it over again and got the cringe sweats but i edited it so its not overly horrific. dunkirk! harry was my late sexual awakening. so be kind!

Alex! Harry x Female OC

Warnings: PTSD (in a sense), war scenes - please, please, please don't read if anything makes you uncomfortable! its not worth it!

Summary: Rose Harrington joins her father in an attempt to save the men trapped at Dunkirk

Word Count: 1.73k

next chapter

masterlist

It was not difficult to spot Rose Harrington in a crowd of people. Her luminous smile was easy to find in room of others, her smile lit up the entire room – it was near impossible for her expression of happiness to catch onto your own. Though it seemed more challenging to find her than it originally seemed in the eyes of the Nazis situated in Dunkirk.

Rose Harrington was an exceptional young lady. Fluent in four different languages; Italian, French, German and English, the top of her school in academics, nurse and a British spy under the orders of the S.O.E to pose as a German Nazi nurse on the wretched battlefield in Dunkirk.

Though here she sat, on a dreary June day, listening cautiously to the radio cracking out words to keep the Nation up to date on the war situation. She watched as they steady rain tapped against the windowpane, the droplets racing each other to the bottom of the window. It had been a month since she returned from her deathly mission in Dunkirk, scenes which she had seen, endured, flashing through her mind every now and again causing her to inhale sharply or pinch her arm. She had seen death beyond belief, she had escaped death too many times to count on her polished fingers, but she would do it all again to know that she had helped a multitude of people by her actions.

A sudden noise awoke her from her unconscious daydreaming, the entrance door opening, causing her to jolt in her spot on the armchair. Rose gently rose to her feet, chasing the sound of the door and rattling. Her father’s figure came into view, making Rose ease her mind. She furrowed her brows as she noticed him search through doors of the cabinet, throwing keys onto the dark wooden surface on top.

“What’s happening?” Rose questioned, walking closer towards her father, who looked up at her in light shock, “They’ve called for little boats to rescue the men at Dunkirk, I’m going” He muttered, inspecting a key before placing it in his pocket and turning around in a hurry to the cupboard on the other side of the entrance. Rose studied him, determination beginning to course through her veins, “Ok, I am coming too” she pronounced softly, slipping on her black oxfords, “No. No you are not. You have done more than enough with this war. Plenty” He ordered, pointing his finger towards Rose sternly to which she returned with a shake of her head, “No. I want to do more. I can do more. It is for my country. You need help anyhow.” She insisted, clearly not straying from her decision by shrugging on her coat.

Joseph Harrington was a Captain in World War I. He suffered, he had to make several hard decisions which would haunt him in his later years. He loved his family dearly, but the weight of war on his shoulders sometimes became too heavy for him. On some occasions, when fireworks would boom through the neighbourhood on New Year’s Eve or he would read a newspaper recalling the events in the war, he would burst into fits of rage. Chairs, glassware and the delicate skin of the ones he loved would break when he came into these fits, leaving tears stained on everyone’s cheeks as they began to clean the mess made, Joseph sitting in his arm chair; a glass of bourbon resting in his trembling hands. The Harringtons knew that it was just shell shock, that he did not mean to do such things and they still loved him, but that did not stop them from pits of fear overwhelming their stomachs. Joseph was positive that letting Rose come with him was one of those decisions which would leave him overcome with distraught in the future, but he also knew his daughter. She was determined, she never gave up.

“You’re just like your Mother” he sighed, grabbing a bundle of ropes out of the cupboard and opening the front door, Rose smiled graciously before walking swiftly out the door.

“Diese britischen Bastarde werden keine Woche länger durchhalten (These British bastards won’t last a week)” a man spat, blood pouring out of his arm, a sizable gun shot wound evident in his bicep, “Wir töten sie wie nichts (We’re killing them like its nothing)” he continued. Rose sat him down on a stretcher, tying a bandage around the wound tightly whilst trying to not listen to the Nazi’s gross bragging. “Was passiert da draußen? (What’s happening out there?)” Rose asked innocently, looking up at the man’s wicked blue eyes curiously.

“Sie schicken sie nur unvorbereitet ab (They’re just sending them off unprepared)” he replied glancing at the other men in the open area, “Wir greifen sie heute Abend an, ein offenes Gebiet entlang der Küste des Strandes, wo sie sitzen (We're attacking them tonight, an open area along the coast of the beach where they're sitting)” he smirked proudly as Rose returned it with one of her own (of course it was fake, unbeknownst to him). “Ich weiß, dass du einen guten Job machst, das machst du immer, was mir den Job als Krankenschwester erleichtert (I know that you do a good job, you always do that, which makes my job as a nurse easier)” She smiled, beginning to clear the blood made by the man, who chuckled lightly at her joke.

“Heil Hitler (Hail Hitler)” he proclaimed, to which Rose strained a smile of pride. The man rushed away, laughing along with a bunch of men in their Nazi uniforms a few metres away from her. She made a mental note to ensure she did not leave any details out in her telegraph back home, these details meaning life or death for many men.

Rose could not see home. Nor could she see the blood-stained beaches of Dunkirk. She could only see the unforgiving deep blue waters of the ocean which stretched for kilometres, and boats. There were boats of all different sizes and colours littered along the water, all come together to save their men. She inhaled deeply, smelling the saltiness on the sea breeze and the petrol fumes expelling from her boat’s engine.

“It’s quite amazing, isn’t it?” Rose spoke out against the apprehensive silence which clouded the boat, “What is” her father muttered, eyes on the water in front of him as he steered the boat, “The number of people, number of boats” she replied looking around them at them all, a sense of patriotism filling her insides. The flag of the union jack whipped around behind them, cracking with the pride of the British.

The boat was a moderate size, with a timber finish and a deck below. It had become slightly rusty from the lack of use, blue paint beginning to crack and chip off on the sides. Nevertheless, she was still the Harrington’s beauty, Pegasus was her name. Before the war, before Rose had grown up, it was a family boat. On warm summer Saturdays, the Harringtons would take Pegasus for a dip into the Iris Canal, with packed ham sandwiches and a treat of a biscuit, courtesy of Doreen Harrington. Doreen and Joseph would sit back in the boat, Doreen perhaps reading a book whilst Joseph nostalgically smoked cigarettes. They seemed so calm in comparison to Charles and Rose, who were playfully splashing the cool water of the river at each other, laughter floating down the canal.

If you had met Charles and Rose, you would be surprised to hear that they were not Siamese twins separated. They were each other’s best friend, they never fought, they simply enjoyed one another’s company. Charles was a year older than his sister, a shy young man with outstanding engineering talents. As the war began to unfold, the unspeakable idea arose in the Harrington household brought up by Charles. “I must go, it would be cowardly if I didn’t” he spoke calmly to Rose who stared down into her lap, tears rolling unconsciously down her rosy cheeks.

“Its not cowardly at all Charles. It is ok to not go, to say no to being killed.” She choked out, looking up at Charles who was standing in the doorway of her bedroom. “I’m not going to be killed, Rose. I will survive.” He breathed, walking towards Rose and kneeling in front of where she sat on her bed. Rose looked back down into her lap, fiddling with her perfectly polished hands. “Rose” he whispered, wrapping his hands around Rose’s little ones to stop her anxious fiddling. Rose stared deeply into her brother’s, the calming blue matching her own. “I promise, I will survive” he continued, a small sympathetic smile growing on his face. Rose breathed deeply, the thought of losing her brother becoming a little less overwhelming at his promise. “Even if you do survive, you’ll turn out like Dad” she muttered, a single tear falling. Charles sighed shakily, wiping the tear away with the back of his hand. “Not if I can help it” he smiled sympathetically, “I don’t think I’ll ever be as bald as him” he joked, grinning largely. Rose chuckled, sniffling up her last bits of sadness and pulling her broken parts back together.

The faint outline of the grey shores of Dunkirk beach began to appear as Rose and her father drew closer to the men. Rose inhaled, looking out towards the shore. She began to feel a slight pull at her stomach, and she hated herself for it. These men had been sitting ducks for months, a multitude dying in the meantime, she had merely spent a month in Dunkirk. Now was not the time to be fussed about her own apprehension, but rather saving heartbreak from families.

The dreadful smell of smoke and burning oil filled her nostrils, making her become suddenly alert. She studied along the surface of water, noticing a large ship beginning to capsize – smoke puffing from the wreck. “Dad” she walked over to the port side of Pegasus, trying to catch a closer glance. Joseph looked over to his daughter, staring past her shoulder at the mess of ships and smoke on the water. He remained focused on the sight, turning the boat around and accelerating her to the fastest she could go with a great roar from the engine.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles series #dunkirk alex #alex! harry #harry styles imagines #please give feedback!#harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff

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kloolass-larspawn · 4 years

Text

Bun in the Oven

Took me long enough to get this written out! Inspired from a discussion on the Discord.

P was helping Dough with the apple tarts when the brothers arrived at the bakery. When she saw them through the open door, she squealed and ran over, dropping the peeler in the process. Dough looked over and smiled before cleaning his hands from the flour to pick up the peeler. Vognaut smiled, Numnaut laughed and Tommynaut knelt down to give P a hug.

“I missed you too, P!” Tommynaut said warmly and gave her a little kiss on her hood, making her giggle. “And how was your day in the bakery?”

“Make any new muffins?” Numnaut asked. P laughed and shook her head. Dough walked out to see the brothers.

“If you really want to guess, I could give you a hint.” Dough said. “It's to do with the season.”

“Well, that narrows it down a fair bit.” Vognaut chuckled. He looked at the display. “Pumpkin bread?” P laughed again and shook her head. Dough laughed as well.

“No, but good guess.” Dough saw P whisper something into Tommynaut's ear. “Hey! Are you helping Tom-Tom cheat?”

“No!” P cooed coyly. Dough went over and tickled her chin.

“Yes you were, you little dumpling!” Dough and P laughed, Tommynaut giggled.

“Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.” Tommynaut smiled. “Actually, Dough, could I speak with you for a moment?”

“Sure, what's up?” he asked. Tommynaut's face went a little pink.

“Um... privately?” He asked, a little embarrassed. Dough was now confused.

“Uh... okay. You can help me finish up in the back.” Dough smiled and helped Tommynaut up to his feet. “I just need to touch up some things before putting everything in the oven.” Tommynaut smiled.

“Sounds good to me.” he said. Tommynaut patted P's head as Dough went into the back room. “I won't be long, sweetie. Be good for your uncles, okay?”

“Okay, Tom-Tom.” P said, then took his hand and kissed it. “I love you.” Numnaut awwed and Vognaut chuckled quietly.

“I love you too, P.” Tommynaut said, then kissed her hood again. “I'll be right back.” P let go of his hand and he went into the back room with Dough. Tommynaut closed the door behind them as Dough went to get one of the bowls of apple filling and a ladle.

“When you're ready, you can come help fill up the tart shells as we talk.” Dough held out the ladle to Tommynaut. Tommynaut's face got even pinker. He took a deep breath and went over to Dough to take the ladle and they got to work. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?” Tommynaut hesitated as he thought of what to say.

“Uhhhhh..... have... you... put... more...buns... in... ovens?” He asked; his face was getting redder with each word. Dough was confused beyond belief.

“Erm... no, not recently.” he answered. “That's more a morning thing for me, and P prefers to make sugary things.” Between thinking about the question and looking at Tommynat's ever-reddening face, Dough figured it out. “I'm an idiot!”

“N-no, you're not!” Tommynaut insisted. “I didn't know how to word it. Sorry.” Dough gave him a pat on the back.

“It's okay. It can be a pretty heavy thing to bring up in the first place, so don't worry about it.” He gave Tommynaut a reassuring smile. “Actually, I've been meaning to congratulate you since I learned about it.” Tommynaut looked at him surprised.

“You know!?” he asked. Dough nodded.

“P told me when she first came here.” he explained. “I figured she could work out some of her feelings while helping me out. She's going to be a big sister, after all!” Tommynaut chuckled quietly.

“Yeah... That really helped me out... Thanks.” Tommynaut's voice drifted. “The past few weeks were hard enough without being pregnant.”

“Academy exams?” Dough asked. Tommynaut nodded. “Man, that's rough! Do the adjudicators know you're expecting?”

“Not yet.” Tommynaut said. “I figured I'd tell them once the exams are over. Thankfully, it's all paperwork and nothing physical.”

“Not yet, anyway.” Dough commented. “The sooner you tell them, the sooner it's in their system and you can take a break from the mud-travel drills.” Tommynaut covered his face with his free hand and groaned.

“Flub, I forgot about those!” Dough patted his back again.

“Yeah, you'd better tell them soon.” he said. “I don't want anything happening to you and the baby to be.” Tommynaut sighed and smiled at him.

“I will, Dough. Thanks.” Tommynaut blushed. Dough giggled.

“Any time, Tommy.” He said. Dough finished filling up his tray of tart shells and set his ladle down. “Um... actually, when the exams are over, you can stop by with the father to celebrate if you want.” Tommynaut's face suddenly went pale.

“About that...” he started. Dough became worried.

“What's wrong?” Dough asked. Tommynaut looked at him and saw the concern in his face.

“N-nothing, I promise.” he said. “Just nervous.”

“The father doesn't know yet either, huh?” Dough asked. Tommynaut hesitated and nodded. “You want some support? It might make it a little easier.”

“I don't know if you can in this case.” Tommynaut answered. Dough smiled at him.

“Nonsense! Big news like this is always easier to tell with baked goods.” Dough left Tommynaut's side to get a notepad and pen. He returned to Tommynaut and started writing down an order for cookies. “I can get these done for you whenever you want me to so they're fresh for the family.”

“Uh... th-that's not necessary!” Tommynaut panicked a little. Dough stopped for a moment then scrapped the order. He set the pen down.

“Sorry, I got a little excited.” Dough said. Tommynaut turned back to the tart shells and filled that last of them with the apple filling. Dough leaned on the table. “Look, Tommy, whoever the father is, they have my support. And you have my support. P has the best parent in you to begin with, and I'm really happy that you found someone to share that with.” Tommynaut looked at him. Dough smiled, but he could tell he was sad.

“You sound hurt.” Tommynaut mentioned. Dough stopped smiling.

“I guess I am, a little.” he said. “We were in a bit of a whirlwind romance. Kind of thought we had something.” Dough suddenly smiled at Tommynaut again. “But if we can't be together like that, then I can be your friend with baked goods for when the cravings kick in.” He gave a forced chuckle, but stopped when he saw Tommynaut's concerned expression. Dough sighed and looked at the floor. He rubbed his face, and he finally asked.

“Who's the father?”

Tommynaut slowly took Dough's hand into his and waited until they looked into each other's eyes. He could feel his face heat up.

“You are.”

Dough's eyes widen in shock.

“W-wait, really!?” he asked, and Tommynaut nodded. “Are you sure!?”

“I didn't see anyone before we met, and I couldn't see anyone after we met because of exams.” Tommynaut explained. “I'm sure.”

Dough was stunned. Tommynaut's nerves were on edge even more now that he told him. He was about to tell him that he didn't need to worry about caring for the baby when Dough pulled him close for a kiss. It didn't take long for Tommynaut to relent, letting go of his hand and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Dough wrapped one arm around Tommynaut to pull him closer and cupped his face with his free hand to deepen the kiss. They both melted into the sensation; heartbeat next to heartbeat, powerful yet gentle arms holding them close, the sweet warmth felt in their mouths, exactly what they remember when they first met. Dough stopped kissing Tommynaut to look into his eyes. So warm they could feel the heat grow in them. So sweet they could smell their love. Although, Tommynaut remembered a different scent from their first meeting and started to come back to reality because of it.

“Um...” Tommynaut quietly croaked out. “Is something in the oven already?” Dough paused for a moment, then snapped back into reality himself with a sense of dread.

“Oh flub, the shortbreads!” Dough let go of Tommynaut and bolted to the oven. He opened it and pulled out a tray of cookies, then promptly dropped it because of the heat. Dough started cursing at himself and Numnaut and Vognaut rushed into the room a moment later with a scared P. They saw the tray on the ground and the open oven, and with P's direction they helped get the rest of the cookies out of the oven safely while Tommynaut ran the sink with cold water for Dough's hands.

“You have a first aid kit in here?” Vognaut asked as he closed the oven door. Dough nodded.

“There's a burn box next to the door.” he said. Vognaut went to get the supplies as Numnaut cleaned up. P went over to Dough and hugged him, whimpering. “I'm sorry, P, I lost track of time on our cookies!”

“Are you okay!?” P cried. Tommynaut patted her head.

“I'm fine, Patty Cake!” Dough cooed. “I'm okay. I just made a little whoopsie, that's all.”

“Little!? You're palms are red!” Tommynaut turned the water off and started pat-drying Dough's hands so Vognaut could treat them. “Are you sure you're okay?”

“Positive.” Dough reassured him. “This hasn't been the first time this happened, and it's not about to be the last either.” Vognaut handed Tommynaut the gauze and started applying the salve on Dough's hands. Numnaut finished cleaning up and sees the trays of tarts.

“Want me to put the tarts in the oven?” Numnaut asked. Dough nodded, and he opened the oven again to set down the trays of tarts. “How long do we need to wait?”

“Until they're done.” Dough answered. Tommynaut snorted, trying not to laugh. Vognaut grumbled.

“That wasn't what he meant, smart alec!” Vognaut snapped. He closed off the salve and Tommynaut started wrapping his hands with the gauze. Dough chuckled.

“I know, I couldn't resist.” he said. “Honestly, there's never a set time with that kind of oven. It's mostly instinct and sense cues. In the tarts' case, they're done when the edges are an even gold-brown.”

“And how long is that?” Numnaut asked.

“Even longer than it needs to be with the oven door open.” Dough answered. Numnaut closed the oven door and Tommynaut continued tying up the gauze.

“You really need to practice your first aid, Tommy.” Vognaut sighed. Tommynaut rolled his eyes.

“What else is new?” he asked.

“Our baby in a few months?” Dough cooed, making Tommynaut blush. P squealed and hugged Dough even tighter.

“MY NEW DAD'S THE BAKERMAN!” she cheered. Dough chuckled despite having the air getting squeezed out of him.

“Yup! I'm excited too!” Dough winced. “Uh, you mind loosening your grip a little, P?” P nodded and let go of him, then went to hug Tommynaut.

“We're going to have so much fun, Tom-Tom! Bakerman's the best!” she giggled. Tommynaut smiled and looked into Dough's eyes.

“Yes, P.” he said. “He absolutely is.”

#armikrog #tommynaut #numnaut #vognaut #P #dough #baby #pregnancy #cute #mpreg #male pregnancy

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the-cloud-walkers-hut · 3 years

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Finding Sense

It makes the most sense to start this off with the story of my spiritual journey. First of all, I just want to say that I don’t expect any followers. I don’t expect pins or comments; I actually haven’t had a tumblr in years so I barely remember how to manage this thing :’-)

But lately, I’ve been desperate for a space in which I could be candid about my spiritual beliefs and stay connected to them. I’m an extremely busy college student; I double major, I’m an intern, I’m an events coordinator for other clubs, I’m a mentee. There was a point when I also worked 15 hours a week at my school dining hall on top of that, and it was a lot. I felt like I barely had any time to even *think* about anything else besides the endless sea of deadlines in my wake. At the same time, I was also diagnosed with PTSD and trying to patch up my mental health with what little hours of free time I had. I was so drained, and more than anything, I really missed my spirituality.

The connection I felt to my guides at one point was something unlike anything else I’ve experienced. I looked up at the stars at night and felt something looking back- something that cared, something that rooted for me. I had no doubts, no skepticism of what lurked beyond our world. I had pure faith in my guides and in the structure of the universe I’d learned from my studies.

Let me start from the beginning now. I was born in a really weird religious dynamic; my mother was an atheist for a large portion of my life (I think she’d identify as agnostic these days), and my father was a very traditional Christian. We never went to church together, however. I have older half-siblings that I would attend church with from time-to-time, and I really tried my best to be connected to God because I was deeply afraid of the idea of nonexistence. So from around the ages of 10-20, I was an off-and-on Christian. I would attend youth group from time to time, I would try to speak tongues, I would try to pray, but I could never shake the feeling that there was an emptiness above me. There was no one listening, no one blessing me the way my relatives thought they were being blessed.

I also felt somewhat uneasy with some of the lessons my youth pastor would teach us. For example, we had one day where my pastor preached about abandoning those who were not “godly” enough. If your friends partied, smoked weed, had premarital sex, or just generally did not believe in God, it was time to distance yourself from them so that your godliness could stay intact. I hated the idea of that, of abandoning those I love just because they don’t think the same as me. My closest friends were Buddhists, amazing people with hearts of gold that my pastor would recommend me staying as far away from as possible.

And then this past year, I ended up in a group of women reading a book on female empowerment through Christian ideals. I can’t remember what it was called, and I actually don’t want to say as I’d like to keep anonymous on here for now. Anyways, I was looking at this opportunity as a way to reconnect with God whom I’d felt disdain for because of my youth pastor and because of how unresponsive I felt that He was to me.

We made it through about 10 chapters of the book and I was very rapidly losing my mind. It was a horrific book of gender roles and condemning the LGBTQ+ community. It simplified women so much that it boiled the entire gender down to “girls who want to be pretty, have a strong man, and feel like a princess”. It supported the idea that women are the support, the right-hand-man to the leader of the house, which was the man. It deeply disapproved of men who were not strong, who were not the leaders, who showed any lick of emotion. And the whole time I had to hold my tongue because everyone in the group agreed with every judgment the book made. I quickly exited that group and realized that I deeply despise organized religion. Now let me say, I don’t despise those who are in an organized religion. I think Christians are good people. I think those who participate in organized religions are good people. I respect their beliefs, though I disagree heavily. But I deeply hate the influence organized religion has over politics or social norms, I hate the God-fearing point of view, I hate tithing. I overall just hate the weaponization of organized religion and how some use their religion to pass hateful judgments. It’s not something I can be a part of, and I know that so many Christians and those of other organized religions are amazing people who are accepting, loving, and kind, but I truly believe organized religion give those who are not accepting, loving, and kind an excuse to spew harmful judgments on others.

So with that being said, I was in desperate search of something else. It was at that time that I started watching YouTubers like West Indie Ray and Sadhguru and I realized that my spirituality doesn’t need a name. I can believe what I’d like without a label; I can have a blend of philosophies that resonate with me because we are all on different spiritual journeys. That’s what I think all of us who believe in a higher power need to recognize. It is okay to be on different paths. It is okay to disagree with how others view the worlds beyond ours. What is not okay is condemning others for their way of thinking, forcefully trying to convert them to your way of life to “save them”, or disowning them for not being as godly as you.

My interest in spirituality deepened to the point where I finally sought a reading. I went to a metaphysical book and crystal store at a nearby port town, and I received my first *serious* tarot reading. I asked for guidance on how to connect with my spirituality, and the cards gave a very clear answer. All three cards that I pulled had to do with spiritual practices, which the tarot reader was surprised by herself. It’s been a while so I can’t remember the exact reading, but it gave me the tools I needed to start self-studying. The cards recommended that I study dreams, align my chakra and meditate in the moonlight. So I bought a crap ton of books from the store and started my intensive spiritual studies.

One of these books was Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss.

This book changed me.

Have you ever read or watched something that resonated with you so deeply, it just felt like a truth? You had no questions, you had no doubts in your mind that this was undeniably correct? Maybe not, but that’s exactly how I felt, and it was the first time I’d ever read spiritual literature that made sense. The idea of living many lives, each one with the intention to teach you something so that you can elevate to the next plane of spirituality made so much sense to me that I literally felt myself changing. I felt that a new stage of my life was unraveling, and I was so beyond excited to finally be connected.

I spoke to my guides, my masters, and they spoke back. They spoke back with images in the sky, sudden thoughts, dreams. It’s been a struggle to fight back my skepticism and accept these instances as true messages, but I feel that I’ve come to a place where I can now fully embrace it. I have guides watching over me, they are listening to me and they are responding. All I ever wanted was for God to show me He was listening, but I never heard from Him. I believe now that it’s because I was always calling the wrong name.

So tying this back to why this Tumblr exists. Like I said, I’m extremely busy. Regular life and responsibilities has severely hindered my ability to practice my spirituality or continue my studies, and frankly, I feel really disconnected at this point. Starting this blog will not only keep me accountable for making time for spirituality, but I think it also signifies the next turning point in my life. Skepticism does not hold me back anymore from my guides; I fully and willfully accept that I am here with a lesson to learn and that I’m being shown the way. I hope that if you come across this blog and have a similar story that this blog can help you reconnect as well :-)

***I want to finish this off by reiterating: I do not judge those who practice organized religion. I myself don’t believe in Jesus, but I would never try to prove Christians wrong for believing in Him. As I said, we are all on different paths, and if Christianity is the path that works for them, I am grateful they have that space. My tiff is with organized religion itself as a concept, and my opinion of it solely comes from my own experience. If you like organized religion, that’s great. I feel like religion can be such a toxic topic as people try to force ideologies onto you, and I want to make sure this space is never that. Believe in your journey, believe in what resonates with you, and I’ll be happy for you <3

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gothpanda · 4 years

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A Little Bit of Attitude Ch. 18: Purple Moon

WORD COUNT: 5.1K

A/N: I’m unintentionally making this a PLL/Motley/The Dirt fanfic and I ain’t sorry Enjoy and thank you!

WARNINGS: Drugs, Language

TAGS: @madamsixx

READ ON AO3

PREVIOUS/NEXT

July 1984

"Number 325" someone announces from the inside of the advising office. Sammi rested her head against a bulletin board with inspiring quotes for students and reminders of the new semester. She looked down at her ticket, seeing 334 in bold black letters that made her groan in her seat. "Number 326 for Mrs. Stogger," the speaker said in the lobby of the academic building. Sammi looked around at the people waiting to speak to someone just like her, a mix of ages in the hall. People brought books to read or sketchbooks to draw, or had their friends pass the time. Sammi only carried her notebook that was filled with tasks to do at Elektra. In terms of school, she was officially alone. She read over what she needed to get done by the end of the week. She also flipped through to see what she needed to finally have a degree in her hands. She interrupted her train of thought when Sammi heard someone elegantly sit on the wooden chair next to her. Sammi glanced up from her notebook for a moment to find a familiar face. A tall slim girl with long brunette hair read through her journal, writing down at a fast pace. Sammi looked over at her scholarly sense of style, appreciating it from afar like always. Sammi went back to keeping her eyes to the front of her, trying to keep her mind occupied.

"Oh hey, you're Samantha. The new secretary, right?" the girl said, making Sammi's eyes grow to her. She had a friendly smile to her, with soft dark eyes. Sammi smiled shyly at the girl, picking at her nails, and nodded.

"Yeah, it's Sammi outside in normal life. And You're one of the interns at work?" said Sammi politely.

"Of course, and yes, I'm Sabrina," said Sabrina, extending out a hand to Sammi, which she gladly accepted. "I didn't know you studied here. I thought you would've already graduated by now,"

"I almost was but decided to be adventurous and travel earlier in the year. I'm kinda surprised also to see you here. I've never seen you around on campus before," said Sammi.

"Well that's because I just transferred from Sacramento, I really needed a change of scenery. I'm happy I have another familiar face to talk to while on campus," Sabrina said, putting her notebook in her messenger bag.

"Honestly, me too. I would see you around the office but never got a chance to talk" said Sammi, soon seeing a long dark haired tan girl who looked as tall as Sabrina walk towards them. She threw her bag to the floor and dropped herself onto the chair next to Sabrina, gaining her attention. The girl looked like a full athlete, with toned arms and legs from whatever they did. She tossed her hair over to one side, fixing her grey tank top.

"Hey S. Do you gotta wait long?" the tan girl said, peeking over Sabrina to see the small Samantha, knees tucked under her. "Oh sorry, I didn't see you there! I'm Emma," the girl extended her hand to Sammi, gaining a smile. She tilted her head for a moment, trying to remember the small girl.

"Sammi. Um, have I seen you before?" Sammi asked, raising an eyebrow to Emma.

"Yeah we went to the same high school. You were on the volleyball team, right?" Emma asked, tying her shoelaces together.

Sammi nodded, "Yeah I was, were you a grade below me?"

"Correct on that, I was also on the swim team. You're one of Tommy Lee's sisters, right?" asked Emma

"Yep I am, now I'm getting that question asked a lot," Sammi chuckled along with the girls.

"I'm sure you do. Since it looks like you know Sabrina, do you wanna go get a bite to eat after this? Unless you have other plans to do," Emma asked, Sabrina, smiling at Sammi to try and get her to say yes.

"Totally!" Sammi said, in perfect timing for her number to be announced.

October 26, 1984

Sammi and Sabrina walked down the halls of Elektra records, passing the records and plaques hung up on the walls. Sabrina held eight hot coffees while Sammi scanned at the multiple folders that were in her hands. Both of the young women entered an empty conference room, a long, mahogany table in the middle of the room. They placed each coffee with a folder on the office chairs, even matching the assigned names.

"You don't have to stay for this meeting, do you?" Sabrina asked, throwing out the cardboard coffee trays into the trash.

"No, Mr. Harrison had let me go early. Em's heading to your place at 7, right?" Sammi asked, fixing her blouse a bit from any wrinkles and pushing up her glass from slipping off.

Sabrina nodded, adjusting her ponytail. "I don't know why she wants to go to this club so bad. She would not stop blabbing about it in class,"

"Because you've never had a night on the strip yet even though you've lived here long enough," Sammi muttered, peeking down the hallway. Soon a team of suited men appeared marched in unison towards the young women. Mr. Harrison, a man who was taller than everybody with every inch of hair white as snow stepped in first, seeing Sammi and Sabrina. He scanned the office, nodding in approval and patting them on the shoulders.

"Thank you, girls, for the setup," Mr. Harrison said, rubbing his hands together.

"You're welcome, Mr. Harrison," Both girls said in unison.

"I would say you're free from being my shadow, Samantha. Have a good weekend for both of you," said Mr. Harrison, walking away to sit at the table's head. All eyes immediately went straight to him. Sabrina and Sammi smiled professionally at everyone, closing the door behind them on their way out.

"Okay well, maybe I'm busy with stuff of my own? You haven't thought about that?" Sabrina asked Sammi, throwing her hands in the hair as the two walked to the rest of the office. They walked past all the cubicles of co-workers, some they've never even talked to since working at Elektra. Sammi passed Sabrina's desk, grabbing the water bottle she left there by accident.

"Studying doesn't really count if you're a walking encyclopedia, S," Sammi said, walking into the empty breakroom. She sat down by a big circular table, taking a sip of her water. Sabrina sat right next to her, grabbing an apple in the middle fruit basket.

"And what's wrong with wanting to study more?" Sabrina asked, sticking her nose in the air with pursed lips making Sammi give a tight-lipped smile to hold a giggle.

"Nothing, but it's healthy to breathe fresh air. Even if that fresh air just has a bit of tobacco smoke in the mix," said Sammi, checking her freshly done red manicure. "Plus, we deserve a little fun. Midterms ended, and I already know I did great so I'll just reward myself,"

Sabrina shrugged with a growing smirk on her face taking a bite of her apple. "Are we gonna meet up with your people?"

Sammi looked up to think for a moment, "Athena said yes. Tommy is in love with Emma, so yes. Vince will go anywhere I'm at. If Nikki isn't in a mood, he'll come. And Mick isn't feeling so good. I dropped off some food at his place before work," said Sammi, holding five fingers to Sabrina.

"Awe Tommy is so dumb to think Emma would love him back like that," said Sabrina, pouting out her lip like a sad child.

"You don't mind that we're gonna be with them, right?" implored Sammi.

Sabrina raised an eyebrow, "No? They're all pretty cool, crazy beyond belief, but I still like them. Nikki seems like a tough nut to crack, though. And Emma seems to love everyone,"

"Awesome. I'm glad you and Em like everyone. For once I don't have to worry,"

"And you shouldn't. If I didn't like them, I probably would have only hung out with you at school or here. Plus, I like to see people go batshit crazy sometimes. It's like free front entertainment," Sabrina said with a smile. Sammi felt at ease with Sabrina's words, not worrying about the happiness and comfort of others on the Crue. "Oh, by the way, you're doing Em's hair,"

Sammi rolled her eyes, "At this point, she's gonna need to pay me to be her hairstylist," said Sammi, making Sabrina laugh.

In the cozy warm apartment that was reasonably close to their college, the three girls looked in their bathroom mirror to get ready for their night. Sammi sprayed the last bit of hairspray into Emma's loose curled hair, running her fingers through it to make it perfect. Sabrina wiped any extra nude lipstick from the corner of her mouth, feeling happy with her look. Emma leaned closer to the mirror, smudging a bit of black eyeshadow on her waterline to make her bronze eyes pop. Sammi pulled down a bit of her low cut blue velvet dress, checking her rear in the mirror. Emma tied a thin white scarf around her flare blue jeans that matched her pink top perfectly. "Where'd you get the bell bottoms, Em?" asked Sabrina, adding a necklace that matched her white dress.

"Found them at a garage sale! Pretty groovy even a decade later, right?" said Emma, walking out to put on her silver chunky heels in Sabrina's bedroom. Sammi smiled at Emma, spritzing some of Sabrina's perfume on her that smelled of crisp lilies from her nightstand.

"Okay, you ladies ready for the night?" asked Sabrina, clapping her hands together as she walked into her bedroom.

"Someone seems finally happy to be going out," said Emma, bumping her hip against Sabrina with a smile.

"I don't want to be a Debbie Downer for most of everything. Besides Sam was right, we should have fun," said Sabrina, grabbing her perfume from Sammi's hands to spray some for herself. "Do you when Athena was gonna start heading over to Purple Moon?" asked Emma.

"No idea, but let's just wait and see when we get there!" said Sammi, swinging her black purse over her shoulder.

For being open for only two months, Purple Moon was the craziest club in all of West Hollywood. Let's Go Crazy blared throughout the two-story club with laser color lights jumping off the walls in the darkness. The three brunettes danced in the sea of people, bodies of strangers pressed up against each other. Sammi swayed to the beat of the music, feeling happiness around her already feeling the buzz of her drinks. As Emma looked out from the sea of people, her eyes grew with excitement when seeing three cool people. Athena, Nikki, and Tommy pushed their way to meet the girls. Nikki had a growing discomfort with this crowd, unlike Tommy loving the music. Athena turned Sammi around, engulfing her in a big hug with a smile on both faces.

"This place is so cool!" shouted Athena, giving hugs to Emma & Sabrina as she danced around the sea. Tommy hanged his arm around Emma's neck, kissing her on the cheek while Emma shifted her gaze to the girls. Sammi couldn't help but look past Nikki in hopes of finding a shaggy-haired blonde with them. She hugged Nikki, tip-toeing to his ear. "Where's Vince?" Sammi shouted, scrunching her eyebrows together.

"Your boyfriend didn't like the idea. Wanted to hang out with our friend Razzle," Nikki shouted, shrugging his shoulders. He eyed Sammi up and down, wrapping his hands around her waist. "You look beautiful. Didn't think a girl your size could feel up a dress like that," Nikki smirked, pulling Sammi into him. Sammi dropped her shoulders, slightly pushing away from Nikki. Athena grabbed Sammi's hand, twirling her around as the music changed to another upbeat song. Sammi glanced over to Nikki's discomfort, seeing him find his way to the crowded bar with Tommy behind him. Sammi tried her best to dance with the girls around her, but she couldn't remove the disappointed look on her face.

"You okay?" Sabrina asked, leaning down to Sammi.

Sammi shrugged her shoulders, "Yeah… Just wish Vince would've come,"

"Ignore it. Go get a drink and relax," Sabrina said, turning Sammi on her heels to the direction of the bar. Sammi smiled as she walked away from the dancing girls and passed the sweaty bodies. She squeezed between Nikki and Tommy on the bar, resting her chin in the palm of her hand.

"Here Sam, have my drink and smile!" Tommy shouted, hanging his arm around Sammi's shoulders and slid her a random cocktail. Sammi smiled, taking a sip of the drink and wrenched at the taste of the alcohol. It was more potent and something that could get anyone drunk fast. It was precisely what Sammi needed for this night. As Tommy disappeared into the sea to find his new favorite girls, Nikki sipped his drink, eyeing Sammi with the color lights bouncing off her.

"Really didn't think you'd let a guy ruin your night," Nikki whispered loudly into Sammi's ear, making her turn to his direction. Sammi sipped the random drink, thinking about Vince. "Wanna head upstairs? Fewer people to be annoyed by," Sammi looked over her shoulder, seeing all their friends enjoy their time together. Sammi thought they wouldn't miss her if she went away with Nikki. She nodded to the bassist getting a smirk and a hand to hold as he led them through the crowd. The second floor was designed mostly to be a balcony with some space to dance for overpacked nights. Even with a 'do not cross' sign up, Nikki and Sammi sneaked up the dark brick stairway. Dropping herself onto a small leather loveseat, Sammi laid her legs in Nikki's lap as she downed the rest of the strong drink. From the second floor, the music wasn't loud in comparison, seeing no speakers around them. Nikki rested one arm on the loveseat's head and the other playing with Sammi's heel strap. The two stared silently at each other for a moment until Sammi felt Nikki's hand rise up her leg. She tossed her legs off him, sitting up straight while lowering her dress a bit.

"You're good, Nikki?" Sammi asked, feeling the buzz of alcohol go to her head and batting her eyes.

"I am now that I'm with my best friend," Nikki slurred, draping an arm around Sammi and pulling her to his side. Sammi chuckled and rolled her eyes, dropping her head back. "What? You don't believe me?" Nikki asked.

"Do you make out with all your best friends?" Sammi smirked at Nikki. Nikki scuffed at Sammi, taking the rest of his drink. "If I am then thanks,"

"My ass wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, unlike some people," Nikki said, raising his eyebrows for a moment. Sammi's smile went away from her face, looking out at the balcony in front of them.

"Fucker should've told me he didn't want to come," Sammi mumbled under her breath, picking out her cigarettes from her purse. "He really just said he didn't like coming to a fucking club?" Sammi asked, lighting the tobacco stick. Nikki nodded, making Sammi roll her eyes and checking around to see no one catch them up there.

"Yeah I think he was gonna show Razzle the Tropicana on Hollywood Boulevard. Apparently, that ain't got that in England,"

"So he wanted to go see half-naked girls basically 10 minutes away from me? That's fucking nice," Sammi spit out with annoyance, blowing smoke into the atmosphere

"But hey you like that so you gotta deal with the rockstars. A nice boyfriend," said Nikki, pulling out his stash from his back pocket. He poured a short chunky line in the back of his hand, snorting it like a healthy routine. Sammi looked over to Nikki, biting her lip for a moment as her eyes shifted to the drugs. Nikki could see the curious little face Sammi had one, making him smile mischievously. Nikki poured a bit more on his hand, not even needing to say a word for Sammi to understand. She closed one nostril and snorted the chunky line, feeling the string hit her. She hadn't done drugs since the beginning of the year, and her body was already feeling it. Her eyes began to water, making Sammi pinch the bridge of her nose to stop any tears. Nikki snorted some more before finally moving back into the loveseat.

"And then he fucking asks why I still keep a distance!" Sammi shouted, flicking her bud into the dark corner. "Next time you all are on tour, you better keep an eye out for me on him!" Nikki chuckled at Sammi, slowly getting closer to her. All of a sudden, Sammi jumped up onto her feet, almost losing balance as she pulled Nikki up from the sofa. Nikki felt immediate dizziness from the sudden movement, ultimately colliding against Sammi. He hung onto her waist, seeing her face so close yet so far away. Sammi slightly moved away from Nikki, trying her best to maintain distance.

"Come on, let's go back dancing!" Sammi shouted, pulling Nikki by the hand as they stumbled down the stairs. Nikki tried his best to feel comfortable, happy the coke was making a bit of an effort in doing so. The crowd felt bigger to Nikki now, unsure if it was always like this while pushing past everyone. Sammi was oblivious to her surroundings, just trying her best to find their friends. Nikki let go of Sammi's hand for a moment, holding a tight grip onto her waist, trying his best to not lose her. Sammi didn't react, she felt great and happy, and being with people she loved made her more comfortable. Sabrina could finally see Sammi and Nikki again, making their group yell with excitement. Alcohol filled in their systems with possibly a mix of drugs could help any situation for this night.

"Why is food so much better when you're buzzed?" asked Emma, tossing a tater tot into the air and catching perfectly into her mouth. Athena, Sammi, and Tommy clapped alongside Emma as the six of them all sat together in a dark red restaurant. The Rainbow Bar and Grill, where girls offered blow jobs right as they saw Nikki and Tommy. Of course, they wanted to be one ounce respectful and turned the offer down just to have a bit to eat. Sabrina rolled her eyes with amusement, sipping on her orange soda while Nikki chugged a small whiskey bottle.

"Because carbs love alcohol. It's a science I can't explain," said Athena, chewing on a chicken tender.

"We probably burned all the food we ate today from dancing, so eat up," said Sammi, glancing at Nikki right beside her. "You're not hungry?"

Nikki draped his arm around the young girl's shoulders, stealing a french fry from her plate. "I might be hungry for something else," Nikki winked, making Sammi only chuckle and stuff another french fry into his mouth. Sammi squinted her eyes to Nikki's other arm, trying to see the red mark in the dark.

"Hey did you go to the doctor or something? What's with the marks?" asked Sammi, almost grazing her finger before Nikki winced away from her.

"Don't worry about it, Princess," said Nikki.

"Be careful, Sixx. Remember Sammi has a boyfriend now," said Tommy, flicking Nikki's ear with a dumb giggle.

"Yeah, who would rather see a mud wrestler with his other friends than me," said Sammi, feeding another fry to Nikki.

The girls around them all raised their eyebrows to Sammi, confused, and surprised by the thought of Vince's decision. Tommy shot a dagger look at Nikki, hitting his leg under the table as a form of communication. Nikki only shrugged his shoulders and took a bit of what was left on Sammi's plate.

"You mean that mud strip club up on boulevard?" asked Sabrina, pointing out towards the window in the direction of it. Sammi nodded as she took a sip of her cocktail. "Okay now, your sour face makes sense,"

"Damn didn't think Vince would piss you off that fast," said Athena, turning her head as she felt a hand on her shoulder. As if by magic, Vince and a long-haired British man wearing a top hat stand right in front of the group's booth, holding drunken smiles. They both had drinks in their hands, almost already finished. Sammi pursed her lips at Vince, looking away to see Tommy quiet and glancing at everyone.

"Oh Vince! Razzle! How were the mud wrestlers?" shouted Nikki with a smile on his face, not bothering to move away from Sammi. Vince's smile soon disappeared as he looked at Sammi's scowling at him with a glare.

"Oh it was great! I never knew America could be like this!" said Razzle, his thick accent, making it hard for some to understand in their intoxicated states. He hung onto Vince, happy as a child in a candy shop. "Hey youse are some gorgeous women. What are you all's names? Especially this dark-haired beauty," said Razzle, kissing Emma's hand only to make her cringe. Sabrina and Sammi covered their mouths to hold in their laughs to Emma's discomfort.

"I'm Emma. This is Sabrina and the girlies over there are Athena and Sammi, Tommy's sisters," said Emma, yanking back her hand from Razzle's grip. Razzle raised an eyebrow to Emma, smirking down at her.

"How do you do, I'm Razzle. A nice gentleman from England who would adore any woman like yourself," said Razzle.

"Yeah well… no thanks. So Vince, how was your night?" asked Emma, tilting her head.

"Um it was good. Listen, Babe, can we go for a smoke outside?" asked Vince, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jean jacket. Sammi shared knowing glances between Emma and Sabrina, motioning them to let her out of the booth. Sammi gave an icy look to Vince, heading straight for the door. Nikki kept a smirk as his eyes followed Sammi, shrugging to Vince. As the two walked out, Razzle sat next to Emma as he tried to put on the charm. Athena and Tommy eyed the couple walk away, slowly growing with worry.

"You know if you didn't want to hang out with me, you should've said something when I called you," said Sammi, crossing her arms as she faced Vince outside the busy sunset strip.

"It's not that I didn't wanna hang out, Razzle came by my place all of a sudden, and I couldn't say no. Come on, Sammi, don't be mad at me," said Vince, wrapping his arms around Sammi's waist and leaving soft pecks on her cheek and neck. Sammi only pushed him away from her, clenching her jaw at Vince. "I didn't fucking do anything! You're really gonna be pissed I saw chicks?"

"Yeah because your dumbass didn't fucking tell me! Nikki said you didn't want to come! Besides, I never liked seeing other girls before I got with your ass!" shouted Sammi, about to walk away from Vince until he got a hold on her arm.

"Oh really, Nikki told you that? And you also don't think I could be mad at you for having Nikki's arm around you? You really think I like seeing that? You're gonna believe him?" shouted Vince, looking right into Sammi's eyes.

"Tommy fucking hit Nik when he ratted you out, just fucking admit it," slurred Sammi, looking past Vince instead of giving eye contact. Right away, Vince was able to see Sammi's pupils bigger than usual, making her eyes almost black. "Are you high?" asked Vince. Sammi yanked her arm out of Vince's grip, almost stumbling onto the concrete.

"So what if I am? Are you going to be more 'pissed' at me now," said Sammi, scowling at Vince. Vince scuffed at Sammi, shaking his head as he looked away from her.

"Why do you keep doing coke?! Why do you keep listening to Nikki?!" hissed Vince, stepping right into Sammi's face.

"Oh shut the fuck up about Nikki giving me some coke, it's getting old. You can't say shit if I want to get high. Because I'm pretty sure if we went a fucking drug clinic, you'd be way worse than me," slurred Sammi, trying once again to move away from Vince.

"Oh don't give them that, Sammi. We're both two completely different people when it comes to that shit," said Vince, wrinkling his eyebrows together in a frown.

"Oh really? Because last time I checked, I'm a rockstar's girlfriend who works at a record company," said Sammi, returning to her icy stare. "Just admit you're wrong for leaving me hanging for some big tit bimbos, and we can go back inside,"

"No, I'm not gonna fucking apologize. From the looks for it, you and Nikki seem to have gotten close like always tonight. Pretty sure if I asked A, she'd tell me," said Vince, matching Sammi's face.

"You've got to shut up about Nikki and me every single time I'm around him. If you didn't want us without you, you would've fucking come!" said Sammi.

"Fuck this, I'm out of here. Tell Nik and Tom they can take care of Raz, and call me when you're done being fucking stubborn," said Vince, shaking his head and beginning to head down the strip.

"In that case might as well find a new girlfriend!" yelled Sammi at Vince, glancing around at some of the people staring right at her. She combed her fingers through her hair, marching back inside as the heels of her shoes clunked on the wooden floor. Walking closer to her table, she could see Emma had already moved away from Razzle and closer to Athena. Everyone reacted like foxes, turning their heads as soon as they saw Sammi come over.

"Where's Vince?" asked Athena, scrunching her eyebrows together.

"Gone. Stubborn ass didn't wanna say sorry," said Sammi, holding out her hand to Nikki to retrieve her purse. "I'm sorry guys, but I'm gonna head home, it's getting late anyway,"

"Wait, do you want us to come with you? We could crash at my place if you want, Sam," said Sabrina, looking up at her as she glanced over to Emma.

"Only if you two want to, I don't want to ruin your guys' fun," said Sammi.

"Trust us, Sam, you aren't. Do you wanna head with us, Athi?" asked Emma, smiling playfully to the other girl beside her.

"Athi?" asked Tommy, frowning at the two girls.

"Totally if Sammi's in a mood. Later boys. It was nice to meet you, Razzle," said Athena, sliding out of the rounded booth and waving toward the English man.

"You boys have fun tonight, don't get too crazy without us," said Sammi, passing air kisses to all the men.

"Goodbye loves, hope to all your pretty faces very soon," said Razzle, smiling happily at everyone. Sabrina chuckled along with Razzle, hooking her arm around Sammi's.

"Get home safe, ladies. Take some Advil, Princess," said Nikki, finishing his drink and motioning for another to the waitress.

"We will," announced Sammi as all the girls headed to the strip, feeling the California breeze hit them right away. The four girls trailed down the street, Athena trying her best to haul a cab for them. Sammi suddenly felt the lows of her high go away, developing a headache with all the noise around her. She leaned on Sabrina for support, trying her best not to look suspicious to Athena.

"What's it gonna be, my place or yours?" asked Sabrina, glancing at Sammi.

"Mine. I have PJs to spare for you all," said Sammi, crawling into the small backseat of the cab.

"What did you tell Vince while you were arguing?" asked Athena to Sammi, looking over the two girls.

"To find a new girlfriend because I'm not gonna say sorry for being around Nikki," mumbled Sammi, leaning her head on the window and shutting her eyes. Athena, Emma, and Sabrina all exchanged looks almost trying to read each other's minds.

"Well, in that case, tomorrow morning should be fun,' said Emma.

"Yeah, I doubt I'll see his ass tomorrow," mumbled Sammi.

One week later

A knock on the door surprises Sammi, looking up from her pile of books on the small dining table. She checks the watch on her wrist, wondering if it could be Athena fresh out of work. The knocks got a bit stronger, finally made Sammi walk over and look through the peephole. She immediately rolled her eyes, swinging the door open with a hand on her hip. In the hallway stood a sheepish Vince, holding a dozen red roses. He didn't look right into Sammi's eyes, only extending his arm to pass on the flowers.

"That's it? You're not gonna say anything?" asked Sammi, crossing her arms and scowling at her boyfriend.

Vince scuffed, scratching his head before straightening up. "I'm sorry for going out and not telling you. And I'm also sorry for being a jealous little bitch,"

Sammi unexpectedly chuckled at Vince, calling himself a bitch, taking the roses out of his hand. "I'm sorry for being stubborn and telling you to find a new girlfriend. I hope this isn't your way of telling me you did." said Sammi, smiling carefully at Vince. He walked into the apartment, engulfing Sammi in a tight hug, happy to feel her accept it.

"I don't think I'd call anyone my girlfriend if I fucked this up," said Vince, kissing Sammi with such love. "I know I can't get mad at you wanting to have a little fun like me or be around my friends. I just like to see you still be the same Sammi as I met,"

"Vince, I'm gonna be okay, but I do love that you care. It really does mean a lot. Besides, that was my first high since the beginning of the year, I'm not gonna go crazy,"

"And you're right, you're a grown adult who is way more responsible than most of the people my age I know combined. Also, my house is getting a little lonely without you," said Vince with an adoring smile.

"Well that's what happens when you buy a mansion for one person that's also drastically far away from me,"

"So we're good? We can go out tonight and head over to mine?" asked Vince, wrinkling his eyebrows together in worry. Instead of a verbal answer, Sammi kissed Vince deeply, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Yeah we're good, dumbass…" muttered Sammi.

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not-a-perfect-metaphor · 5 years

Text

Well, I deleted this original answer (and then deleted it again as a post...and then deleted it one more time after that), so here it is for a fourth time with a screenshot of the original ask, and LET US HOPE that I can manage to see it through to completion.

This ask has taken me quite a bit of time and thought, because what I’m hoping to give you is a summary that helps you to better understand without being too overwhelming/containing way too much information.

First, thank you so much for reaching out, and I’m really glad you did! The point you’re at right now (or the point you were at when you sent this anyway) is where every single one of us started, and it’s an amazing journey from here if you find yourself wanting to take it! Seeking out resources from others is absolutely the way to go about it, and I hope that you always feel free to ask me (and other tinhats) for any info/thoughts/anything you need in the future! I can’t seem to include links in-post, but I’m going to message you a link to Speak the Truth, a site documenting J2 ‘happenings’ so to speak from a tinhat’s perspective through the year 2011. And, basically, whether someone’s been a tinhat from day one or for one day, we all have different pieces of the puzzle, and that’s really why it’s so important for us to connect with each other and work together as a whole.

So, let me try to figure out where to begin.

I, like quite a few other tinhats I’ve spoken with over the years actually, didn’t put much stock into any of this when it first started to emerge. People fantasizing about two celebrities having a romantic relationship (especially two leads in a movie or a TV show and especially when those leads are of the same sex) is far from a new thing and has been going on forever, and naturally I assumed in the beginning that J2 tinhats were no different. Had I not actually looked into all of it further and eventually then started really paying attention to the comings and goings of Jared & Jensen/watching all the footage I could find/reading the interviews/seeking out candid photos etc., I might not have ever changed my views, and it still took me quite a while to fully come around to where I am now even with all that.

What caused me to start looking more deeply in the first place was the simple fact that Jared & Jensen, even during the still-fledgling days of their relationship (however you happen to define that relationship), had a very unique and pretty immediate closeness that separated them distinctly from everyone else.

***As an aside, like I always bring up, most Wincest shippers were born from that intense J2 chemistry that bled into the characters of Sam & Dean.

The Js had clearly connected on a deep level that they not only spoke about openly from the beginning but that was also more than evident in the ways they interacted with each other, looked at each other, talked to each other, and even just existed in each other’s spaces (they even shared and share clothing and have freely admitted that).

Jared: “It didn’t feel like a blind date. It felt like we were continuing a relationship. There’s no rhyme or reason to what happened.”

They’ve also frequently phrased things like that *points up,* using very couple-y terminology.

(note: speaking of couple-y terminology, they’ve been heard calling each other “babe” and “baby” on several different occasions)

They’ve always had the kind of body language with each other that you really don’t see often in non-platonic relationships and that you especially don’t see often between two actors who’s paths have crossed initially in a purely work-related setting, and it was that special intimacy between them that first sparked my curiosity.

Let’s take a very brief look at just a few of those examples (a mix of the early years and beyond):

And below I’m including an example of the clothes-sharing I mentioned:

My curiosity expanded VERY rapidly (almost explosively) from that point onward as I began to dive more heavily into ‘J2-research.’

Like I said above, I’m not going to overload this post with specifics (although I’m happy to send specifics to you by the boatload if you’re interested), but I will just wrap up this first part of my answer by saying that it was the candid J2 moments I came across that really started to sell me on the possibility of a non-platonic J2 dynamic, the pictures and footage where they didn’t know they were being recorded or photographed, largely during the earlier years when they weren’t as cautious, but certainly not limited to those years, pictures/footage in which they interacted with each other in ways that I certainly would not interact with someone I wasn’t romantically involved with or at least romantically interested in).

Here are a couple of well-known examples. Less intense than some choice video clips (that I’ll have to find a way to post in the future) but still beautiful and intimate. I actually just posted that first one a few hours ago!

-which ‘arguably’ could depict the body language of two very close platonic friends (more so than the first photo, above it, anyway), but...look more closely at the giddy, love-struck expression on Jensen’s face as he watches Jared:

It’s kinda a bit harder to call it platonic when you really see it like that....

And...gosh, I poured over so many of these moments, just...so, so many.

Even then, though, I wasn’t necessarily convinced of the fact that the two were together in any kind of serious way. I, like this blog’s first owner, co-owner (who became a tinhat almost right alongside me, actually, time-wise) felt that the Js were certainly at least not strictly straight, quite possibly that they weren’t at all straight, and that they were definitely attracted to each other, an attraction that had likely yielded physical results, but I had no reason to think at that point that they would go to the great lengths (and put themselves through the unimaginable hardships) of leading such intricately and immensely false lives, at great personal expense, if they were actually in a serious, romantic relationship with each other that they both felt would be long-term.

Not when it was almost 2008 (at the time) and being a gay celebrity wasn’t anything to even bat an eye at anymore...right?

But I still had a lot to learn back then.

The next ‘milestone’ for me, upon looking even more closely (and not just at the Js anymore but at those around them/in their circle/etc., not to mention the Js lives pre-meeting each other, just all kinds of stuff) came the discovery(discoveries) of the many inconsistencies, which I’ll explain further, that were ultimately at the heart of my transition from on-the-fence to full tinhat.

A good example to use, because most people have at least some knowledge of this, centers around the period of time that the Js publicly lived together and the many...many different stories that were told explaining their living arrangement. I actually posted a pretty humorous account detailing some of it, and I can link you to it if you’d like. That’s just one example of many, but perhaps it’s the example with the most number of slip-ups/cases of the Js forgetting the details of the lie/etc.

To briefly cover one of those “living together” slip-ups, at separate meet-and-greets, Jensen once told people that he had moved out of Jared’s house while Jared said that Jensen was very much still living with him. And that’s probably the least suspicious but the easiest to quickly explain of the slips.

Another example, from later on (that I’m using because, again, it’s one that people are generally aware of) is when Jared told a story about being out to dinner in Italy with his wife and accidentally flipping off the waiter and then Jensen retold the exact same story at another con, only that time, he was the one who’d been with Jared.

Once I knew to look for them, I was blown away by how often these kinds of inconsistencies had already occurred and continued to occur, things being covered-up or overly-explained, stories changing sometimes three or more times in ways too significant to be excused away as memory lapses, even attempts at erasing things altogether...which doesn’t work very well in the age of the interwebz.

And why...why would these cover-ups and excuses and erasures exist if there was nothing to hide?

•••••••••

Retracing my steps for a moment to talk a little about the Js lives prior to meeting each other, which was one of the other things I’d started looking into by this point and definitely played an important part in confirming my tinhat beliefs.

The first example that comes to mind is Jensen’s ex-roommate (and just ex, period, at least that’s what I personally think), Ty Vaughn, the one underneath Jensen in this photo:

And I’ve spent a good 24 hours trying to track down footage I once had of Chad Michael Murray teasing young Jared about flirting with him (to Jared’s extreme embarrassment), but I cannot find it ANYWHERE. If anyone reading this can help me out, I would be forever in your debt.

Other noteworthy things (just a few): An ex-girlfriend of Jensen’s has admitted that she used to beard for someone, and her only celebrity ex is Jensen, and a few of Jared’s teachers from high school have expressed surprise that he’s married now to a woman...so, make of that what you will!

•••••••••

Okay, back to the inconsistencies!Another big one for me has always been the Js saying “we” or “us” (and meaning each other) when, according to public knowledge, it should have been “I” or “me.”

(as well as other synonyms of the above like “our”)

“We got to spend some time with our family yesterday.”

“They were knocking on our trailer.”

etc. etc.

And on the exact opposite end of the spectrum...also ironically what continues to fuel my certainty that the Js are together even more than the “we”-and-“us”-isms: the separation-of-the-Js tactic (varying in severity/frequency), sometimes for an evening or even a single event, sometimes for lonnng stretches of time, but always very suspicious, because, like I’ve been saying for this entire time, everyone knows that Jensen and Jared are extremely close, even those who believe that their closeness isn’t sexual or romantic. What I’m referencing with ‘separation of the Js,’ by the way, is what many tinhats believe to be the PR tactic used to paint pictures of the Js as being much less involved in each other’s lives to (in theory) control rumors. But the Js’ are and always have been intrinsically interconnected, so the reason that J2 separate narratives feel so forced and unnatural, often cringingly so, is because they kinda directly violate who Jensen and Jared are as people with each other, and if anything, that’s likely caused some new tinhats to come aboard, but it certainly hasn’t succeeded in convincing anyone who’s already a believer that they must have just been mistaken all along.

And I should definitely mention the suuuper-duper weirdness surrounding Jensen and Jared’s respective engagements and then weddings, as well as the information, or lack of information in Jared and Genevieve’s case, that was presented to the public about both ‘courtships,’ because almost every single aspect of all of that was drenched in tinhatty suspiciousness right from the start and all the way through. Again, I can link you to posts that detail the topic thoroughly, but to summarize very generally: Jared and Jensen, in leu of increasing rumors about the nature of their relationship, even more so in recent months than had previously been the case, were most likely counseled to straight-en up their images drastically, and fast...the only real way people can do that, by marrying members of the opposite sex (pretty much simultaneously, by the way, & much to the startled disbelief of many, including a very-public-about-his-skepticism Ted Casablanca).

Ted: “Jensen and Jared would sooner marry each other than who they’re currently rumored to be getting hitched to.”

Alright. Yikes. I’m really slipping here with my “not too many details” plan. I’ll start reigning it in again, I promise.

So, around the same same time as the weddings was when I started researching the practice of bearding (fauxmances) in the entertainment business in general, although not as heavily as I’ve researched the topic in recent years, and what I discovered and continue to discover was and is both eye-opening and heart-breaking. I actually just posted about this a couple of days ago, so instead of rambling on about it again, I’ll refer you to that (under the tag ‘toxic industry stuff’ for anyone reading this in the future). A quick summary: the reality that Jensen & Jared face every day and the decisions they’ve made to enter into false marriages are tragically common in the industry....yes, even and especially in today’s age, and for many gay actors and actresses specifically, the choice can really come down to either living honestly or protecting their careers/livelihoods/even their true relationships should they have them.

Since then, I’ve come across a lot of information as well about personal reasons, alongside industry reasons, that might have played a role in the decision to go the route of bearding for Jensen and Jared, like family history, their relationships with/views on/obstacles surmounted to succeed in (etc.) acting as a career, past experiences that have been hinted at, parental influence and sacrifice, not to mention the significant detail of who they happen to play on SPN...brothers (far too many ignorant people out there wouldn’t be able to move past the incest connotation, if a romantic relationship between the Js had been revealed).

By about midway through 2009, I was 100% convinced of the fact that Jared and Jensen were absolutely in a long term relationship that I would guess began around season two of Supernatural but had been on its way since the end of season one and during the hiatus between seasons one and two (want to know why I think that? I’ll do a separate post on it), and that the relationship was, of course, being hidden from the public.

The things that ultimately convinced me as they kept adding up are what continue to convince people today, the same things I’ve been going over at length (too much length) in this answer: intimacy between Jared & Jensen that extends beyond friendship-

-inconsistency in the information presented to the public that revolves around J2 and their time together/circumstances relating to both of them/etc., Jared and Jensen’s respective pasts before meeting each other, and even what some people believe to be hints dropped by Jared and Jensen themselves about their true relationship.

A well-known example (again, among many) that I’ve talked about pretty extensively is Jensen posting a photo in front of a mural that reads “love is love,” a well-known LGBT slogan, and then Jared posting a photo of himself in front of a mural that reads “love will win” on the very same day and captioning it “every time.”

This did turn out to be pretty overwhelming *sighs* but I hope at the very least I’ve succeeded in giving you a somewhat clearer idea of why us tinhats feel the way we do about Jared and Jensen, and I want to encourage you again to reach out whenever you like about anything you’d like to know!

There’s no such thing as a dumb question, and there’s no such thing as too many questions.

Just remember that! ❤️

#j2 tinhat #asks

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