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my-lovely-writing · 2 months

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Obey Me! Lucifer with an abused teen MC.

Little notes: Haha, sorry that was a bit of a hiatus! I've been struggling with, well...life. You know how it is. But I'm back because I have fictional person brain rot. If you don't want to see anything besides my hero/villain stuff, feel free to blacklist the obey me tags.

Also, I'm kinda new to the obey me! fandom, so I'm sorry if the characters are a bit off. I won't be writing about some of them until I've learned more about them.

With that said, if you have any triggers, please check the tw tags before clicking below. This is about an MC who's been abused.

Lucifer

Lucifer found it a bit strange how quickly you took to him.

He makes you do your homework before class tomorrow? No complaints. He reminds you of bedtime (which you have because nobody's allowed to stay up later than Lucifer in the house of lamentation due to the fact that there may not be one left by morning)? "Okay, no problem! I can study TSL later." (Still trying to hang out with Levi, are you?) If anything, you seem grateful for his overbearing tendencies.

Really, with the chaos of his brothers, he's a little bit weirded out by how much trouble you don't cause. Maybe you're just scared of the demons?

Yeah, that has to be it. Works for him.

Except...it doesn't.

Not when he comes in screaming at Mammon for yet another failing grade and you start trembling, face pale and legs locked from your place on the couch, as if you don't quite know whether to freeze or run.

Dammit, he needs to take care of this lest the angels see you as a hostage and another celestial war is started. Besides, Diavolo doesn't want the human exchange student terrified, he's trying to foster relations.

So, for once, Lucifer forgoes stringing Mammon up from the ceiling, much to everyone's surprise (and your and his shared relief) and instead stalks off to his office to calm down with his favorite cursed records.

Later that night, when he's sending everyone to bed, he saves you for last. "MC, please follow me to my office."

His tone is gentle, reassuring even, but you know better than to mistake it for a request. Your mind races as you follow him on shaky legs. What have you done now? Idiot!

When you reach his office, Lucifer gestures for you to sit in the armchair across from his desk. It's surprisingly comfortable as you sink into it, but you can't help feeling like you're being swallowed up. Is he going to eat you?

As he sits in the chair across from you, it doesn't seem like it. Yet.

"How are you adjusting to life in The Devildom?"

You can't figure out his game here. His face reveals little, but you get the sense that he's asking a question without asking it.

"I'm adjusting," you say simply, expecting him to drop it at that. You're just a mortal, after all.

"I asked how you are adjusting," he counters. "It must be a big shift for you."

Really, it must be, he had realized earlier in the confines of his office—he and his brothers struggled enough after the fall, but you, in your human ways, had not even realized the existence of magic or god before coming here, and now you're surrounded by demons? Not to mention that you're still a child. Lucifer doesn't like to curse, usually finding such foul language beneath him, but he doesn't know what to call it other than a mindfuck.

The Avatar of Pride's efforts to push away the tinge of guilt that accompanied said realization have been in vain. He and his brothers haven't exactly been nice to you, have they?

He's long decided to help you adjust, if only to get rid of this stubborn and unbecoming guilt, but he can't exactly do that if you won't tell him what's wrong and you're just staring at him like a gaping fish, so he doubles down. "Are you experiencing any difficulties, MC?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck—if your mind was racing before, it's moving so quickly now that it's burning into ashes that, somehow, through the magic you've just learned exists, are blown away by the wind to spell those three words.

"MC?" Lucifer repeats your name, eyes widening in that half a millimeter of concern Diavolo talks about (referencing that one chat, I forget the actual measurement and I know his eyes technically widened in surprise, but give me a break) . Is this a human thing? No demons he knows of are this...weak. It's an active effort for him to restrain his judgement as he raises his eyebrows at you which, finally, seems to prompt a response.

"P-please, I'm sorry, I'll do better! I'm sorry for whatever I did. I w-won't do it again, don't eat me!"

Well...

Suddenly he feels like an ass for judging you. Just what ideas has Mammon been putting into your head? You look like you've seen your own ghost. And again, he reminds himself, you are a weak and defenseless human child in a world of demons.

"Nobody, not even Beel, is going to eat you. As our human exchange student, I won't allow you to die before the year closes," he says, lips pulling into a frown, studying you more intently now and watching the way you squirm as he looks at you, back ramrod straight against the armchair. What is going on with you? "Why do you believe that I would eat you?"

"I, uh..." Okay, so you don't think he'll eat you, but it's never good when an adult looks at you like that. "I don't know, you seemed upset earlier and now I've been called in here, so I thought I might have screwed up somehow—not, like, arson or anything, but I thought...I thought you'd find something."

"You thought I'd find something?" Lucifer stresses the word.

"...Yes?" you say with all the hesitance of someone on death row confessing to a crime. You swear you see Lucifer's eye twitch for just a split second.

Meanwhile, Lucifer's got it. At first, he didn't really pay all that much mind when Diavolo mentioned that you come from "troubled circumstances", mostly hoping that you wouldn't be just as troubled and therefore troubling yourself, but he's starting to see that you are—just in a different way than the others.

Of course, he doesn't outright mention or address the clues he's just put together—The Avatar of Pride can tell better than anyone that you're hiding your past as well as you can, which is, admittedly, not well, but he's been persuaded to humor you.

"I am not a sadist." Okay, he is, but it's better that you not know that. He continues, "I am not looking to find something to punish you for and, while there are some things I would kill you for such as threatening my brothers, Diavolo, or the Devildom, I have no intentions of causing you harm under regular circumstances. You may get an F on your math test without fearing me or any punishment I would give you, MC."

You blink as you process the words, a little bit of the fear edging out of your body. "I can?" Your voice is tentatively hopeful.

"You can," Lucifer reaffirms, shuffling his paperwork around, if only for your benefit, as tears begin to brim in your eyes. He allows you to save face. "Go to bed. You're welcome in my office if you ever need to talk."

"Thank you," you mumble to him as you hurry from the room. You don't know what this means, but you know you're not dead and that's good enough.

The next morning, Lucifer's brothers are woken up earlier and met with a stern talk about being kind to you, accompanied by the reminder that you are a child even by human standards who is adjusting to life in literal hell and the threat of them having to adjust to hell a second time over (a punishment—Lucifer's punishment is the second hell). "We're building relations with the exchange student for Diavolo," he justifies explains.

His brothers aren't terribly thrilled with the idea of cozying up to a human, but they agree because they remember how hard the fall was for them.

Asmodeus, being the most familiar and cool with humans due to his pact with Solomon and finding your fearful, doe-like nature adorable, offers to take you out clubbing—to which Lucifer reminds him of the child thing.

Fine, fine, no clubbing. He'll pamper you instead, you certainly have enough split ends to suggest you could use a haircut.

From then on out, a new rule is established where each of the brothers, Lucifer included, have to spend time with you every so often with one or more brothers spending time with you each day of the week.

Needless to say, you're confused by the sudden kindness but you soon don't mind it, finding yourself slowly warming up to them—and, much to the shock of your ruined self-esteem, they to you.

Lucifer is pleasantly surprised and secretly grateful to find that his brothers get into less trouble with you around and, eventually, even more pleasantly surprised to find that you seem almost normal around them. You no longer eat in silence at the dinner table, refuse to meet their eyes, or cower like a puppy used to getting kicked when they raise their voices at each other (everyone has learned not to raise their voice at you, even Satan).

It's not long before Lucifer is calling you his best behaved child sibling. He even goes so far as to have everyone retake the family photo with you in it.

Is there any way he can turn you into a demon? He'd like you to be his child sibling for forever, and humans die far too quickly. As far as Lucifer's concerned, Satan has something new to research.

And it's not as though you don't seem to have some level of darkness in you. Just the other day you heard screams coming from the lower levels of Lord Diavolo's castle and followed them in spite of your fear, kind heart wanting to aid whoever was suffering.

According to Barbatos, you didn't even flinch when you found him torturing your parents, pliers still gripped around one of your dad's bloody fingernails.

Hell, you even asked to join in! (How Barbatos responded to that, I'll let you all imagine lol)

Also, Lucifer will never admit it, but he's quite possibly never felt more pride than the time you, Satan, and Belphie pranked him with a whoopie cushion on his desk chair. Normally he would have beat his brothers with it, but he could tell from the less than ideal invisibility cloak over the object that you were involved and hid a smile from prying eyes as he sat on what felt like his throne despite the ensuing fart noises.

And that's how his family of seven became eight once again.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obm #writing #drabble #I'm back #again #tw implied abuse #tw abuse #tw abused teen #tw low self-esteem #lucifer #lucifer morningstar #avatar of pride #mine #my-lovely-writing #tw implied neglect #tw torture #tw mentions of low self-esteem

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natasha-in-space · 1 year

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Safe and Sound

GE!Saeran/gn!reader:

Saeran's love for you was unconditional, just like the promise of happiness you've made to each other in the blooming garden of discord. However, learning to accept that kind of love was not as easy as you thought it would be. While, undeniably, some days were bright and happy... on days like this one, you couldn't help but struggle with your insecurities concerning your relationship.

TW for: feelings of severe insecurity, low self-esteem, depressive thoughts.

There was no doubt in your heart regarding Saeran's feelings for you. No, his love for you was undeniable and unwavering in its affection, even as the warm summer sun would inevitably flow into cold autumn winds and merciless winter storms. After all, after even the harshest of winter comes the comforting warmth of Spring. Such is the rule of all four seasons. And, each new passing season that you've spent by each other's side would only lead to new happy memories for you to look back on and smile as you flip through Saeran's diary whenever he wanted to share his new colorful scribbles with you. The promise of happiness that you two have made to each other all those years ago never faded away with time: it only grew stronger with the soil you've provided through your shared love and patience toward one another even in the darkest of times. Much like nourishing a flower, your love was growing and changing with time.

But... it wasn't Saeran's love that bothered you so much that you barely left the bed throughout the day. The source of your distress was a much more complicated enemy to beat since it was your own mind trying its damnest to make your life as miserable as possible. Some days were better than others. In fact, there were even some days when you felt like you were truly happy: like you could finally see the world for what it truly is, instead of focusing solely on depressing things that would only bring you down. And some days felt like you were living a nightmare. So, like the aftermath of any nightmare, all you could really do was hide yourself away inside of your comfy bed, tucked away in a bundle of blankets and pillows, and hope that it would all pass you soon enough.

You made an effort to shut out and ignore the insecurities and doubts that buzzed inside your head like a swarm of angry wasps, and were determined to destroy the enemy that dares to oppose them. Why did your own brain view its rightful owner as a foe to be tortured like this, you had no idea. But, you had no choice but to deal with it one way or another. Not like you could turn off your own thoughts, even if you wanted to.

It's possible that lying to Saeran was a bad idea rather than relying on him for support during this challenging time. No, it was definitely a bad idea for you to isolate yourself like this, but you did it anyway. You were slowly learning to accept your own shortcomings, to stop punishing yourself for messing up every once in a while, but... today, it seems like all you could do was make one stupid mistake after another. So, you refused to reach out for help, your own isolation serving as a twisted form of self-punishment you were inflicting onto yourself for being so weak-minded. It wasn't healthy, and it wasn't helping you in the slightest.

As you lay there, listening to the clock tick by, you slowly but surely fell into the self-doubt pit that you knew all too well. It was no surprise to you to find Saeran in the center of it all. You hated your mind for twisting the truth like that. However hard you tried to fight it, eventually, you were simply in too deep to get out. These hateful thoughts of yours were like a swamp full of thick tar that would never let you leave unscathed, once you were unlucky enough to fall in. Picking apart every kind word he ever said to you, trying to expose the lies that weren't even there to begin with, convincing yourself that he was just confused... It was painful. You didn't want to do that. You didn't want to do that to Saeran and you didn't want to do that to yourself, either. But, you couldn't help but question this newfound happiness you've found with him by your side.

Did you really... deserve someone as warm and loving as Saeran in your life? Maybe he would have been better off without you and your depressive episodes. After all, he wanted to see the world, to be happy and free... and you were only holding him back from achieving that. What is he getting out of babying you, as if you weren't a full-functioning adult who should be able to take care of themselves just fine? Sure, maybe you did help him sometimes... but, it was all overshadowed by your worst days that he had to withstand by your side.

As you immerse yourself further in the messy blankets, you shut your eyes tightly, helplessly hoping that this pathetic attempt to hide from your cruel thoughts would finally be successful. You hated being confined to your own bed like this, but you hated the idea of getting up even more. On days like these, you tended to avoid looking at yourself in the mirror or... looking at yourself overall, really. Your choices weren't ideal, but you'd much rather spend your day hating your character, rather than your body. So, burying yourself into the blankets up to your nose until you couldn't see much of yourself was the only option that worked best.

It felt like every single thing about you was wrong, both in and out.

But, Saeran viewed you differently. You were his love, his angel, and his promise of happiness. And, even despite your worst traits being at play here, just the thought of his tender smile and soft voice made your chest ache in a much different way than before. You missed him. It felt so silly. You isolated yourself like this on purpose, but here you were, already desperately hoping for him to come in and chase all of your demons away with his warm touch like he always did.

So, so stupid...

As you were about to shed a few tears, the bedroom door swung open, causing you to almost fall out of your bed from shock. Maybe getting so tangled up inside of your blankets wasn't as functional as you initially thought after all. Either way, you were way too embarrassed to show your face, since you didn't have to guess on the identity of this bold intruder of yours. There was only one person in the entire world who could come barging in into your room like this whenever you were having a hard time. Knowing full well how stupid you were behaving, you hid your head under the blanket regardless, staying quiet as the soft pitter-patter of footsteps hurriedly moved closer and closer to you.

Well, 'be careful what you wish for', as they say. Still, if you said you weren't happy to see Saeran close by, you'd be lying. Just knowing he was right there was enough to dull your negative thoughts, albeit slightly. If it wasn't for your inner shame for hiding yourself away from him like this, you would have already nuzzled up close to his chest, seeking the comfort that his closeness would bring you. But... truth is, you felt guilty.

You made a promise to each other that you wouldn't lie about things like that. That you would trust each other to lend a helping hand whenever one of you needed it. And yet, you did exactly the opposite of that. You knew Saeran wouldn't get upset with you for this, but that did not take away your own shame on the matter. Maybe you were being way too harsh on yourself for something terribly small, but you didn't care. It didn't feel right to throw yourself at him for comfort when you were the one who let things get this bad in the first place. It felt fairly selfish even.

You could hear a slight shaky breath from him as he carefully lowered himself onto the edge of the bed, the warm sensation of his palm touching the top of your head that was hidden beneath the blanket making you shiver. Really, you felt even more silly for tearing up at something so insignificant. It wasn't like you to be such a huge crybaby over a small thing like that. It's not like his kindness is something new to you... so why is your chest aching this much?

Caressing your head, Saeran was the first to break the silence between you, not a single hint of anger or disappointment present in his soft voice. "I knew something was wrong... My love, why didn't you tell me?"

You bit your lip, feeling your tears slowly forming an ugly, damp spot on the pillow that you buried your face in. "I told you I was just tired... How did you even know something was wrong? I thought you wanted to plant those tulips you showed me today."

Idiot, what are you saying-?

"I had a feeling that you needed me, and I couldn't stay still, so I rushed to check on you. I'm happy I didn't ignore this bad feeling of mine. I'd hate to know you were suffering all alone like this."

"That sounds like you, haha." You chuckled softly, imagining him dropping everything to run straight to you. It was such a strange phenomenon, this special connection of yours. While you'd like to say you were annoyed by it, it really wasn't true at all. Somehow, by some weird force of nature, you just knew whenever one of you needed someone by their side. It is how you found him by the lake right before his father could do the unthinkable, against all odds stacked against you. And, it's really no surprise to you that it worked in the opposite direction just as much. Truly, it was such a bizarre thing.

But... did you deserve to share such a special connection with someone? This all felt... too good to be true. Too good for someone so dark and bland like you. If you told Saeran this, he wouldn't take it seriously. You didn't know who was right between the two of you. It's hard to figure out the truth when your brain is playing all kinds of cruel tricks to keep you distressed and anxious at all times of the day. And, try as you might to shut out all your emotions in favor of staying rational... It didn't work all the time.

Well... no reason to hold back now. Saeran was already aware that something was wrong, and he would remain by your side until he was confident that you were fine. And, it's not like you wanted him to leave anyway. Call it weakness or clinginess on your part, but you couldn't possibly let go of him now that he was right there for you hold onto.

"I just... I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm fine, you're fine, and everyone else is fine. So... I should be happy, right? I should be bright and cheerful, exploring the world with you. But I... can't. I have no reason to feel so horrible and disgusting, but I still do. And I can't do anything about it! I don't... I don't want to hold you back from your happiness just because I can't even function properly, so... I decided that I should just wait it out on my own this time around. But, heh, as you can see, I can't even do that right." Bitter laughter left your lips in a suffocating burst, being accompanied by a series of hiccups and a new wave of tears now streaming freely down your cheeks. You were glad he couldn't see your face right now. You probably looked really gross, considering that you didn't even leave your bed to freshen up or brush your teeth today. God, you were such a mess. "I don't know what I did to deserve someone so kind and patient like you, but I... I feel like I'm just using you to feel better about myself, and I hate it. I shouldn't be crying like this over nothing and making you pity me. Not when I'm the only one who's at fault here. I don't want to feel like this, Saeran. I... I hate feeling like this. I want to be normal and just- Live my life peacefully. With you. But- But why can't I stop thinking all of these bad things? It's driving me crazy..."

After you released all of this negativity into cohesive words, instead of holding it in until it swallowed you whole, you felt relieved. But, another part of you felt guilty for burdening Saeran with all this pessimistic talk like this. You didn't need to look at him to know that he had a deeply troubled expression on his delicate face. Either way, you didn't try to push him away or deflect what you just said. There was no reason to. His hand momentarily stopped its movement, and you swallowed, feeling the bedsheets shift ever so slightly, as he hunched over you.

The next time he spoke, his voice sounded much closer, making your heart inadvertently skip a beat. "Can I... Can I see you, Y/N? Please. If you don't want to, that's okay, but... you need some fresh air to help you breathe better."

Pursing your lips together, you nodded, clutching the pillow to your chest. You didn't resist as he carefully found his way around the blanket that was wrapped so tightly all around you, you wondered how you even got this tangled up in it in the first place. Finally, after a few awkward movements of your numb limbs, you could feel the weight slipping off of you and fresh air rushing into your lungs.

Wow. He was right. It was definitely way too stuffy in there for you.

Saeran didn't hurry you to get up, but instead sat beside you quietly and gently caressed your back without saying a word while you cried into your pillow. You knew he wanted to say something. The only reason he was so silent is to avoid overwhelming you with his words. As always, he was way too patient with a crumpled mess like you. Either way, his tenderness did motivate you to eventually lift your head up from your scrunched up pillow, sniffling and wiping away at your damp cheeks.

"Do you feel better, my love?" He quietly asked, brushing your cheek with the back of his hand. There was nothing but worry in his bright mint eyes.

Your voice was too shakey for your liking from crying, so you nodded again and leant into his warm touch. You did indeed feel better after getting all of this negativity off your chest, as well as getting some fresh air for you to breathe. But... of course, this didn't mean you were feeling okay in any way. You still felt embarrassed and upset about this whole breakdown, and these heavy feelings wouldn't just disappear any time soon.

Saeran gave you a small smile and now fully cupped your cheek, but he didn't go any further than that. So respectful, as always. He sounded so calm and composed amidst your raging emotions that you automatically hang onto his every word, like he was your lifeline. In a way, he truly was. "Good. I'm sure it was painful to keep everything bottled up like that... Do you want us to talk about these feelings you're dealing with right now?"

"I think... I might be too tired for that. But... We can talk about this tomorrow morning. Maybe." You mumbled awkwardly, feeling a bit self-conscious about the prospect of discussing this incident any time soon. Saeran was right, though. You two needed to talk about it, or things would only get worse, not just for you, but for him as well. It was unusual. Accepting someone's love and care like that, as well as being so open with your inner struggles. But, you did want to try. If not for yourself, then for Saeran.

Sniffling the last of your tears away, you did your best to keep your focus on the young man beside you instead of any insecurities still buzzing around inside of your head. "And... I'm sorry. For not telling you anything right away. I should've-"

Before you could finish your thought, he gently kissed your forehead and now his other hand was also cupping your other cheek. All you could do was gasp, feeling your heart pick up the pace from such a lovely gesture. Leaning back, he rested his forehead against your own, steering all of your attention back onto him and him alone. You could see how much he wanted to say: it was all written so clearly on his features in the dim lighting of your bedroom.

"There's nothing to apologize for, flower. I know you're not ready for us to talk about this now, but... It's okay to not be okay sometimes. My love for you does not require you to be someone else or do anything you don't want to do. We can figure it out. Not because we have to, but because we want to. I love you as you are, just like you love me as I am. I know it can be hard to believe in that sometimes, especially when all love you've experienced before was conditional... But, we can take it at one step at a time. Together. We have all the time in the world now to love each other and ourselves as we are. And, I'll be by your side on every step of this journey, holding onto your hand tightly whenever you need me. That's what we promised to each other, right?"

You had faith in him in your heart. He wasn’t saying this out of mere pity or any sense of obligation to you... No, those were his earnest thoughts and feelings he decided to share with you on his own accord. It was okay to mess up sometimes, and it was okay to have bad days. Saeran had his low moments just as much as you did, you knew that fact all too well. You never judged him for that. You never judged anyone out of the RFA for having bad days of their own. So, why should he do that to you?

Maybe... you let your inner demons get the better of you today. It's not a good idea to punish yourself for that, though. After all... the thought of you being a burden unworthy of love wasn't planted into your head on its own. It was simply easier to justify the hurt you were given by believing that you deserved it, even if it didn't make any sense in hindsight. It was hard to accept that all the bad things you had to endure happened without any grand reason to them. It didn't feel fair.

"...Thank you. I was in great need of hearing something that." You acknowledged, letting out some of the tension that was still in your system with a deep sigh. It wasn't easy. Some part of you still protested and squirmed deep within your mind: demanding to be heard, urging you to throw away his hopeful reassurance and interpret it as nothing but a lie. But, you did your best to ignore it. Thankfully, now Saeran was right here to hold you in his arms, and he was a hundred times better than even your most favorite blanket.

He appeared to appreciate your response, his smile widening ever so slightly before ultimately pulling away. Although, it wasn't long before his hands took hold of your shaky palms, his fingers interlocking with yours in such a simple, yet lovely way. "I'm happy I could help, my love. Now... why don't I help you take a warm bath? I'm sure you feel exhausted. And, it'll be good for you to eat something."

"That would be lovely, Saeran." You said, slowly but surely gaining some of your former confidence back.

Maybe you'll never get the picture-perfect happy ending you've envisioned for yourself in your daydreams. Maybe you'll never be that ideal version of yourself you were striving so hard to be. Maybe you'll never know for sure whether or not you were on the right path in life at all. But, perhaps, your reality didn't have to be ideal for you to find solace in it. This moment in time wasn't perfect or pretty at all, not from a traditional standpoint. And yet, your chest swelled with a warm, ticklish sensation as you sat on the edge of the bathtub, waiting for the water to fill the space and listening to Saeran talk about his day.

Maybe, you didn't need to be perfect to find solace in the little things life offered you, even in the darkest of times.

Even though you had heavy limbs, burning eyes, and a pounding headache to deal with, you found peace, a tired smile slowly appeared on your face. The feeling of Saeran's hands in yours, the sound of his voice, the view of his warm eyes gazing into yours with nothing but care and affection swimming within them... It all felt so imperfectly soothing to you.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #ge saeran #saeran x reader #ge saeran x reader #tw insecurity #tw low self esteem #tw depressing thoughts #a comfort fic but i really really like how it turned out so decided to post it <3 #also listening to 'safe and sound' made me emotional jftjftht #no thoughts just saeran cupping your face into his hands like you're the most precious thing in the universe

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dumblemonchickenwing · 1 year

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continuation under cut

#deltarune #comic #long post #tw bullying #tw low self esteem #issues cw #insecurity cw #pink addison #spamton #spamton g spamton #namecalling cw #negative cw #dtr #alternative reality #tw discrimination

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mintflavouredwhump · 1 month

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An aspiring writer whumpee who has sunk into writer's block that has lasted for weeks/months. It seems a little embarrassing to say out loud but the immense inactivity has negatively impacted their self-esteem and has them convinced that they will amount to nothing in their life and that they'll die without ever writing a masterpiece that the world would celebrate or at least acknowledge.

#definitely not projecting on this post /hj #but seriously. why isn't writer's block a popular emotional whump trope yet #writer whumpee #author whumpee #writer's block #writer's block whump #writing whump #writer whump #emotional whump #low self esteem whump #whump #tw whump #whump writing #whump prompts #whump scenario #whump inspiration

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liesmultixxx · 6 months

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i hate everything and most of all myself

#tw vent #vent #venting #i just need to rant #i hate everything about me #i hate myself so much #tw selfhate #self loathing #low self esteem #mental health issues #depression #i want to die #tw sucidal ideation #tw suicidal thoughts #i want to end it all

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littleoanh · 2 years

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Hello lovely! I hope your well and thriving! This is another silly little request, a little bit of angst to fluff. Please feel free to ignore if you'd like!

I was thinking reader who's very good friends with all the bonten men, and has big body issues and often vents to them about it. Everyone disagreeing with her but reader never believes them so one day when reader comes into their office they make the day about her? Telling her why they love her body, and maybe fking the insecurities out of her? (If you feel comfortable withwriting this may I ask that reader has thick thighs, wife hips and love handles, and a small chest?)

Thank you for reading, drink lots of water and enjoy your day!

A/N: Zee, my darling ❤️! Always so thoughtful of me and reminding me to be human. I don’t normally write details of what the fem!reader's body shape looks like (same goes for race, hair color, and skin color). I do try to be as neutral as I can. Also … I haven’t done a group sex this large before 😂. It’s quite challenging but just this once, I will make an exception for you since you are my lovely darling. I hope you enjoy this piece!

Shape of You

Characters: Bonten x fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst (talking about insecurities and low self-esteem on body image - PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS IS TRIGGERING FOR YOU) and smut (handjobs, blowjob, nipple play, groping, oral [reader receiving], cum eating, kissing, hickey, voyeurism (I think?), mention masterbating and non con recording, raw vaginal sex, and creampie)

Special Thanks: EB for proofreading and beta reading!

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The mirror is one of the worst enemies because it shows you your deepest insecurities. It’s difficult to not look at all your flaws. Sometimes, when someone compliments you, you’re pretty sure they’re being nice. You try to find the positive sides of your body but your brain won’t let you. Another one of your worst enemies. However, you plaster a fake smile on your face and pretend you are okay.

Today, you’re visiting your friends, the Bonten Executives at their Headquarters. Many don’t understand your friendship with them. They are the most notorious group of criminals in Japan and you are a normal girl with a commoner job. How did your friendship start? Flowers. Everyday, you would walk by Bonten's Headquarters since it’s on the way to your job. You notice their flower plants outside were wilting and not wanting something beautiful to die, you secretly took care of them.

One day, you were approached by security guards and they escorted you to the executives floor. You, of course, were scared half to death because you thought they would be mad at you for disturbing their property. You met with Mikey, Koko, and Takeomi in Mikey’s office and they asked if you were a florist from down the street. Nodding, Koko tried paying for your ‘secret services’ since none of them knew how to care for plants. You completely rejected them since your intent wasn’t money. Takeomi asked what you would like in return, you said you only wanted to care for their flowers.

Mikey was surprised how sweet and kind you really are and invited you to have lunch with them to get to know you better. This soon bloomed into an unexpected friendship between the executives and you.

“Hi Koko!” You pop into Koko’s office first since he is one of the few executives who has potted plants in their office.

“Hello, pretty girl.” The nickname almost makes you stiffen. You don’t see yourself that way and it baffles you why he calls you this. “Day off today?” He takes a break from his laptop and watches you inspect his potted plants that he bought from your nursery.

“I worked this morning but took the rest of the day off since I have more employees now thanks to you.” You smile kindly. Koko has helped find candidates for your nursery so you can have more free time.

“Anything for you, pretty girl.” Your body tenses again. “Do you have any plans?”

“Hmm, just coming to hangout with you guys.” Koko nods, glances back on his laptop and finds a good stopping point to spend some time with you.

“Why don’t I take you out shopping and buy pretty clothes for you?” Your heart sinks. This makes you uncomfortable. Clothes shopping lowers your already low self esteem, knowing a lot of the clothes at the shops won’t fit you. That’s why you always order online, not wanting to have people to judge you or stare at your imperfect body. Koko catches your look of discomfort, “What’s wrong?”

“We don’t need to go clothes shopping.” Koko immediately knows what this is about and crosses his arms.

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?” You are now avoiding eye contact by turning your face away from him. Feeling your insecurities show.

“Your negative thoughts about your body.” Koko approaches you, he gently turns your face for you to look into his dark eyes. This isn’t the first time he witnessed your inner turmoil, you often vent about them whenever someone brings up going clothes shopping or you feel uncomfortable going around Fashion District.“You are beautiful. No matter what size you are.” Tears glisten in your eyes and you begin to sniff.

“No, I’m not. Stop saying that!” Now your tears are rolling down your face. You hate talking about your insecurities and people saying their superficial words when they are perfect. “I am nothing like your pretty girl friends.” His eyes remain still, “I hate when people are judging me when I go out with you guys. Knowing they’re thinking that I don’t deserve to be friends with you all.”

When you go out with any of the executives, you always feel judged and it eats you up inside knowing you are not worthy to be by their side. You hate these negative thoughts but it just won’t go away. No matter how hard you try, it always lingers. Koko stays silent, watches you cry and his mind churns, thinking of a way for you to listen and understand.

“Come with me.” Koko takes your hand, leading you to the big conference room and sends out a mass text to all the executives. In several minutes, the executives are piling into the conference room. Once everyone is settling into the conference room, Koko grabs their attention. “Thank you for coming here on short notice.” Koko turns to you and takes his seat, “[Y/n], sit on my lap.” Patting for you to sit. Your eyes widen, feeling completely insecure. Did he want you to crush him under your body? Why is he trying to make you uncomfortable more than you already are?

“What? I want her on my lap!” Sanzu pouts, then looks at you with his big droopy puppy eyes. “[Y/n], come sit here!”

“No, I want her-” The room erupts into chaos, until someone quietly takes your hand and you look down to find Mikey pulling you towards him.

“Sit.” Referring to his lap, everyone is now watching you. You are hesitant to sit on him, afraid he wouldn’t be able to hold your weight. “[Y/n], sit on my lap.” His voice is more stern this time, you didn’t want to make him angry. Nervously, you approach his lap and try to sit but you take too long and Mikey ends up pulling you down on his lap. You squeal in surprise, worry that you are hurting him by putting on too much pressure. You try to ground your legs and squat a little to reduce putting all your weight on him but he kicks your legs from under you. His strong grip holds you in place when you try to wiggle around to get off him.

“Mikey, I am uncomfortable and I feel like I am hurting-”

“You’re not hurting me.” Mikey interrupts, his hand is now tracing every curve on your body. “You have nothing to be uncomfortable about.” You tear up, feeling your insecurities seep out. You tense, hating that Mikey is feeling your hips and curvy belly. You feel disgust looking at your own body, and now someone so perfect is feeling it with their hands. All the executives look at you, worry in their eyes.

“I can’t help it. I don’t like the way I look.” You cover your eyes, feeling shame. “I’m nothing like those pretty skinny girls. My thighs are too thick, my hips are too wide, and my chest is too small.” You start sobbing, your hands covered in your tears. You hear someone approach you, they kneel down and gently move your hands away from your face. It is Kakucho.

“Please don’t say all those hateful things about yourself.” He wipes away your tears gently, “I love the way you look.” Then he takes your hand and places it over his heart and it’s beating furiously, “Do you feel this? No one has made me feel this way before. Only you.”

“Your thighs are not too thick,” Rin steps up next, then kneels next to you and stroking your thigh, “they’re sexy to me.” He grips them, making you squeak a bit, “All I want to do is kiss them all over.”

“Your hips are not too wide,” Koko is the next one to speak and approaches you, “it’s the perfect size for me to grab and hold you.” He touches your hips, teasingly grazing them.

“And your chest isn’t too small.” Ran saunters his way over to you, “They are wonderful to look at.” His lilac eyes trails down to your breasts.

“You are beautiful no matter what size you are.” Sanzu ambles towards you, placing his hand under your chin. “Small, big, wide, tall, short… You are gorgeous.” You are sniffing, trying to calm yourself down.

“Really?” Your voice is small.

“Really.” Mochi appears by your side, “We may be notorious criminals but we’re not liars when we see beautiful women like you.”

“If you don’t believe us.” Takeomi leans down and talks into your ear, “We will show you just how beautiful you are.” You slightly nod, giving them your consent and in a blink of an eye, chaos ensues. Your clothes are flying everywhere, their pants drop and cocks are being whipped out.

Mochi and Takeomi grab your soft hands to stroke their cocks, Mikey gropes your tits while Ran and Rin licks and sucks your already pebbled nipples. Kakucho and Kokonoi spread your legs wider to have access to your pussy, and Sanzu shoves his cock into your mouth. Everyone is enjoying your wonderland body.

“Fuck baby, you feel so good.” Rin’s drooling over your nipple while gripping your thigh. He loves the softness of your plush skin. Bending down to place pepper kisses all over your thigh. Ran is biting and sucking your tit to leave a heart shaped hickey.

“You are so pretty when your body is being played with.” Takeomi groans while feeling your delicate hand playing with his length. Mochi is thrust in and out of your hand, loving the feeling of your touch.

“Your pussy tastes like honey.” Kakucho is messily making out with your pussy while Kokonoi is licking and sucking on your clit.

“Need’a fuck this mouth of yours so you can stop saying these poisonous words.” Sanzu holds your head while thrusting his cock deep into your mouth. Your legs are twitching, feeling yourself about to cum.

“Are you about to cum?” Ran asks, his hand is holding your leg to prevent you from closing your legs. You moan into Sanzu’s cock as though to answer his question.

“Shit, I’m about to cum too.” Mochi moans and Takeomi grunts in agreement.

“Gonna cum soon, sweetheart.” Sanzu coos, beads of sweat dripping on his forehead. Your body starts to squirm but Mikey, Ran and Rin hold you in place.

“Cum.” Mikey whispers in your ear, giving you his permission. Right at the same time, Takeomi and Mochi both cum into your hands, Sanzu cums in your mouth, and you cum into Kakucho’s mouth. You can hear him licking and slurping every juice leaking out of your pussy. Once your body stops shaking, Mikey orders for everyone to stand back. Sanzu pulls out of your mouth with a loud pop sound. The others take a step back from you, your glossy eyes stare into Mikey’s dark orbs. Wondering what he is planning to do.

Mikey easily lifts you up in his arms, making you squeak in surprise. He lays you out on the conference table and takes out his cock from his pants. You are surprised how thick he is and lifts one of your legs up and places it over his shoulder. “You were worried about hurting me,” Mikey reminds you of your words, “You should be worried how you are going to handle my deep affection for you.”

Not understanding what he meant, Mikey shoves his thick cock into your drenched pussy and you feel the burn of his stretch. He lets out breathy moans while ramming you hard against the table, it squeaks with every hard thrust. You are moaning loudly, completely forgetting about your insecurities. You wrap your hand into his hair, pulling hard trying to match his thrusts. My god, he feels so good. You can feel Mikey’s fondness for you, hit the back of your throat, he’s so deep. He leans down, capturing your moans in his mouth and into a deep passionate kiss.

You never thought about kissing him before, now you can’t remember why you haven’t. His lips feel good against yours, the feeling of his thrusts along with it makes it even more pleasurable. Your cunt is making loud squelching noises, creaming over his cock and creating a white ring. His hand reaches to grab your tit and squeezes, you mewl into his mouth. He releases your mouth, his dark orbs are dilated and staring intensely into yours. You have never seen so much raw emotion in his eyes.

“Mi-Mikey, I’m about to cum again.” You whine loudly, the rest of the group is either masturbating or recording you.

“Do it.” His husky voice commands you, your gummy walls squeezes his cock tightly and throws your head back to let out an undignified moan. “Gorgeous.” He kisses your forehead, continuing to ram you before painting your walls white. His warm cum feels so good, you want more. Mikey gives you another kiss on your lips and pulls away from your soaking pussy.

“Fuck, darling you’re beautiful.” Ran runs his hand through his short purple and black hair.

“Anyone else who wants to show [Y/n] how beautiful she is, go.” Mikey tucks his dick back inside his pants, watching Koko to go next inside your pussy and everyone else circles around. He sits back on his chair like a throne, with his arm plop on the arm and head leaning against it while he watches your radiating aura shine brightly. Mikey softly smiles, he hopes after this, you learn to love your body just like him and the others do.

2022 © littleoanh — do not repost or translate my work on this platform or any other platform. likes, reblogs, and kind comments are welcome. must be 18+ to interact.

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rongrii · 5 months

Text

me when

me when this eerie feeling my moots and friends will break contact with me any time now because I'm not interesting and good enough to be their friend

#help i hate thiss #I don't have like low self-esteem #sometimes I even think I am better than some people #AEEEEGHTHH #rongrii talks #cw vent #tw vent #put this just in case

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lily-janus · 1 year

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Why Would You Be Interested In Someone Like Me?

Summary: Logan and Roman want to ask each other out, but neither thinks the other would be interested...

Pairing: pre-romantic Logince

Warnings: kissing, insecurities, low self esteem.

Word count: 4,215

For @loginceweek2023 day 1 - Insecurity

-----------------------

The minute Logan walked inside the school building he noticed something was different. The place seemed emptier than it usually is before classes start… or so he thought until he heard excited murmurs and saw up ahead a big group of students huddling in front of the announcement board.

Logan sighed, knowing what this was about now. It's the end of December, meaning New Years is coming up this weekend… and, of course, the school hosted a party to celebrate. Not only that, but as if to make matters more stressful, there's a dancing competition too that everyone suddenly became so obsessed with winning at, that they stopped talking about anything else!

It was truly exhausting each year… for Logan, at least, everyone else always seemed perfectly happy and excited. Everyone, including-

"Specs! There you are!" Before Logan even had time to replay, Roman tugged his arm until they were both in the middle of all the huddled students. He tugged him along until they,, at last reached the front and he saw the poster featuring this year's theme. "Look! This year's theme is royalty!" Roman gestured excitedly to the poster.

Logan scoffed. "Yes, I can see that Roman." He pushed up his glasses, reading it over.

Logan failed to see why Roman was showing him this, since he knows full well Logan almost never showed up to these kinds of things and his deep dislike of such events. But Roman needed an audience for his excitement, he supposes.

"Oh, this is going to be so fun! I already have the perfect outfit in mind and I'm totally going to win this year! I can just feel it!" Roman grinned, hoping in place as the crowd of students slowly disbanded, leaving only Logan and Roman.

"Yes, well, you're not going to win anything if you're late to class… again, so I suggest we'll start making our way there." Logan pointed out, turning around and starting to walk to their classroom, expecting Roman to follow.

"C'mon, Teach, I know it's not your favorite thing but you have to be at least a little excited about this dance," Roman said as he fell into step next to him.

Logan gave him a pointed look, making Roman roll his eyes. "Right, mister top-student has more important things to occupy his mind than a silly dance," Roman said mockingly.

"I know you're mocking me, but yes, I do." Logan agreed.

Roman groaned in the exaggerated way of his. "How can you make even mocking you boring?"

Logan gave him a tiny, teasing smile at that. "Years of practice."

The day passed on in an unusual slowness, everyone once again starting to obsess over what they were going to wear and who they were going to invite, he was honestly starting to get a serious headache. It didn't help that he was best friends with the number one fan of these kinds of things.

"So this is the first outfit that I thought of…" Roman said, showing him a picture on his phone of a fancy king costume, complete with a ridiculously huge crown. "But after a while, I started thinking if this might be better…" he swiped to a picture of a prince costume, much tamer than the previous one but no less fancy for it, a white and gold dress shirt with a red sash going from the right shoulder to the left side of the waist and a black pair of pants. And, of course, a tiara.

Logan could already see Roman in that outfit, it suited his usual mannerisms perfectly… for some reason that mental image made him feel a tad bit warmer-

"So what do you think? Which should I choose?" Roman was looking at him expectantly.

Logan looked away, feeling a little flushed. "I think the second suits you more um… excuse me for a moment.." he got up from where he was sitting opposite Roman in the cafeteria and walked quickly towards the bathroom.

It seemed to happen more and more often recently, Roman and him would hang out like they did countless times before… and then, suddenly, Logan would start feeling… strange. It was highly confusing and Logan always found some kind of an excuse to run off and compose himself, but he has to admit it had gotten harder to avoid these strange emotions as time went on… but he didn't know what else to do!

Finally, the school day came to a close and he and Roman departed, each going to their house. Logan had decided at last on what to do regarding his… feelings, he shall ask for advice from his older brother, he has always been more capable of navigating these kinds of social interactions.

"Well, if it isn't my dear brother." His brother smirked at him when he entered.

"Janus, enjoying winter break I see," Logan said, hanging his coat and stepping out of his muddy shoes before stepping from the doorway and into the house, shuddering slightly as the warmth enveloped him.

"Quite indeed, how was school? I know you simply adore this time of year." Janus teased as he looked at him from where he was sitting on the couch, watching Netflix.

Logan sighed tiredly. "It was… tiresome, as always…" even more so than usual…

Janus frowned slightly, pausing whatever he was watching to give him his full attention. "What's on your mind, Lo?"

It was incredibly frustrating how easily Janus could read people, Logan especially. Most people consistently told Logan how stoic and unexpressive he was and so it always baffled him how Janus sees through him with ease.

Logan hesitated, true, it was his original plan to ask Janus for advice… but now… he didn't know what to say, a rare occurrence for him.

Janus' smirk widened at his hesitation. "Wait a second… Are you embarrassed? Oh, now I gotta hear it!"

Logan took a deep breath. "It's… about Roman…" he started hesitantly. "I've… just been feeling… strange, around him lately." He flushed slightly.

Janus' eyes widened in sudden realization. "Oh my-"

"You know what? Forget I said anything, this was a bad idea and I should just shove these feelings down and hope they'll go away." Logan suddenly felt uncomfortably exposed and wanted to hide in his room, but Janus stopped him, clearly trying to hide his smile.

"Wait, wait, sorry, I'll be serious now. It just… took me by surprise." Janus gently guided him to sit next to him.

"You and me both…" Logan muttered under his breath.

"So, you have a crush on Roman," Janus said after a beat of silence.

Logan sputtered. "I… what? That's… that's not what I said! The mere suggestion is ridiculous!" He protested.

Janus rolled his eyes. "You're right, of course, how silly of me."

"Incredibly silly." Logan agreed, still flustered by Janus' statement.

"So, what, pre-tell, are these mysterious feelings you've been having around your best friend?" Janus asked with a sarcastic tinge.

"Well… I would suddenly start to feel… warmer than I was, mainly in my cheeks, and my heartbeat would increase like it does when I'm nervous but… we've been friends for years, why would I be nervous around him?" Logan wondered aloud.

Janus let out a deep sigh. "I sometimes forget how oblivious you are, are you even hearing yourself?"

Logan frowned, was he missing something? "What are you-"

Rising body temperature, increased heart rate… oh no…

"I have a crush on my best friend." Logan suddenly realized. "Janus, I have a crush on my best friend," he said again with a panic. He shook his head. "No, no, no. This is bad, this is worse than I thought! What am I supposed to do?!"

Janus chuckled, grabbing him by his shoulders. "I suggest you'll calm down first."

Logan nodded taking deep breaths. "Yeah, you're right, no reason to freak out, I know what to do now."

Janus nodded.

"Ask him to the dance."

"Avoid him until it goes away."

They stared at each other. "Wait, what?" They said together again.

"Ask him to the dance? Have you figuratively lost your mind?!" Logan sputtered at the mere thought… He and Roman, dressed like royalty… dancing. His cheeks warmed again.

"Yes, because avoiding him forever is very realistic. But if you want to take the cowardly way, be my guest." Janus rolled his eyes, waving his arm in a dismissive gesture.

Logan sighed, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses. "Maybe you're right but… asking him to the dance? You know I don't fare well in these kinds of social events…"

Janus gave him a small smile. "But you do want to go with Roman, don't you? It's worth a shot."

Logan nodded, considering. "Okay, yeah, maybe I do but…"

Janus raised an eyebrow. "But?"

"But what if he says no? Or worse, says yes? He's… well he's not just my best friend, he's my only friend… I don't even know why he hangs out with me half the time. He could go with anyone he wants… why would that be me of all people?" Logan rubbed the back of his hand furiously as he voiced his concerns.

Janus took his hands, squeezing them reassuringly. "He hangs out with you because he likes you, Logan, you'll never know if you don't try. If he says yes, great, you'll have a fun evening of dancing together. And if he says no, it may take a while but you'll go back to being friends in the end."

Logan thought this over, this is all very new to him, and he's scared of messing things up with Roman and ending up alone… but, Janus was right, he'll never know if he won't ask.

After a few more minutes of consideration, Logan nodded. "Can't believe I'm saying this but… I'm going to ask Roman to the dance… not scary at all…"

Janus chuckled again, patting his back encouragingly. "That's the spirit! And if he breaks your heart, I already have an incredibly tall staircase to nudge him off of." He winked and got up from the couch. "Go get him, tiger." And with that, he walked to his room.

"My name's Logan…" he said, but Janus was already gone.

-------------------------

"Remus, stop it, I'm not going to ask him," Roman said for what felt like the millionth time as he was making adjustments to his outfit. He reached his hand beside him, "gold thread."

Remus handed it to him as he groaned. "But why? You've been mooning over him for years!"

"Because, Remus, he made it very clear he hates this dance and I don't want to pressure him to go, red thread." Remus put it in his waiting palm. "I can ask him out when this blows over."

"Really? Then why didn't you do it yet huh? You're just a big coward is what you are." Remus huffed.

Roman dropped his needle and turned around to face his twin. "I'm not a coward, I'm a romantic, I'm waiting for the right moment-"

"Which is now!" Remus argued, throwing his arms in the air in exasperation. "Maybe he hates this dance so much because no one ever asked him! Did you think about that?"

Roman huffed. "Yeah, like Logan, of all people will care if he gets asked or not, just stay out of my love life okay? I can handle myself."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Trust me, I'm dying to, but it's kind of hard when you fucking don't stop talking about him! Just ask the damn guy out! It's not that complicated!"

"Trust me, now is not the time to ask Logan out, he's always in a bad mood this time of year with Christmas and New Years and the school dance, I just don't wanna add to his plate-"

"Blah, blah, blah. Excuses, excuses. You always find a reason why 'it's not the time' just man up and ask him already! I don't understand why you keep avoiding this!" Remus cut him off. "You know what? I don't care! Ask him, don't ask him, throw him off a cliff for all I know! Just stop whining about him like a little bitch!"

And with that, Remus left his room, slamming the door behind him.

Roman looked over at his outfit. He imagined what Logan would have chosen to wear if they went together. Probably something tame and serious, maybe a suit that'll hug his frame tightly-

He shook his head, it's not going to happen since they're not going together. Even if he'll ask and Logan will agree, he won't have fun there… it's just not Logan's style.

Remus was right though, he was kinda… maybe, avoiding this. But can you blame him? It's Logan for heaven's sake! Sure they've been friends since practically day one but why would serious, confident, smart Logan ever go out with someone as insecure and um… expressive as him?

Roman is pretty sure he'll say no, and then what? The chances of them staying friends after that are pretty low…

But what if he says yes?

He fantasized about this scenario plenty, of course, but he just doesn't see it happening in reality. So…. He's just been avoiding the topic.

Besides, Logan has been acting… strange, lately. Running off at random times with a rushed excuse… not meeting Roman's eyes… he fears maybe he doesn't want them to be friends anymore, maybe he finally had enough of Roman's theatrics and just doesn't know how to tell him that…

Roman sighs, folding his outfit carefully and putting it in his closet. He can't wait to go to this dance and forget about all this for a while, maybe he'll even win the contest!

But, as his mother called him and Remus down for dinner, he couldn't help but wonder what it'll be like with Logan… rather than without…

----------------------

The following morning, Logan was walking to school.

That alone was far than unusual since he did that each weekday morning since first grade, the things that raced through his mind as he walked though… now those were highly unusual if not down right delusional.

Was he really going to do it? Ask Roman Prince out for the school dance everyone knows he hates? What was he thinking? He must be going insane, it's the only logical explanation as to why he's considering this…

And yet… and yet he can't help but get nervously excited at the prospect. The idea of him agreeing and them going together made Logan feel… warm, was the only way he can describe it, inside.

If he doesn't however…

He shook his head, just as he stepped into the hallway, there's no use dwelling on that… he'll just um 'shoot his shot' as they say and see what happens, afterwards he'll figure out how to deal with the outcome.

Logan nodded to himself, mind decided-

Until he saw Roman.

At the sight of his best friend, and apparently his major crush at the moment, all thought fled from his mind and he just stared for a long, embarrassing moment.

Luckily, Roman's back was to him so he hadn't noticed Logan yet.

He can't do this.

Logan suddenly realized as Roman finally turned to him and smiled, waving at him.

Logan forced himself to smile back, walking over to him to greet him.

"Good morning, Teach!" Roman grinned at him with his dashing smile.

Logan nodded at him. "Morning, Roman, how are you today?" He asked as they started walking.

"I'm super! Getting ready to rock this dance! How about you, Lo?" Roman answered excitedly.

At the mention of the school dance, Logan's stomach churned.

Ask him.

Said a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his older brother. Logan took a deep breath, looking around at the bustling hallway.

Here? In the middle of this huge crowd?

Logan shook the thought away. No, not now, he'll wait until they're both alone.

"...Specs?"

Logan snapped back from his pondering to find a concerned Roman looking at him expectantly. He blinked. "Yes, Roman?"

Roman frowned at him. "Are you okay? You're acting… strange. Are you sick or something? How many times do I have to tell you, the world won't end if you miss a few days of school to get better!" He stopped walking, looking Logan up and down.

"I'm not sick, Roman." Was all he said in response.

"Then what is it? You're starting to worry me…"

Just say the words, it's not that hard!

Logan swallowed. "I um… I was just wondering if you… I mean, if you wanted to um…" he fumbled with his words, getting increasingly more flustered.

"Logan, it's okay, whatever it is you can tell me!" Roman reassured him. Of course he did, he was always sweet like that.

Logan still hesitated, playing with the sleeves of his shirt as he was trying to find the courage to ask him.

Suddenly, Roman turned and walked to a nearby classroom, checking to see if it was empty, then motioning Logan to step inside. Closing the door behind him.

"Okay, just us now, what's wrong?" Roman asked again.

This is it…

Logan took a deep breath, stealing his nerves. "Roman, I wanted to ask you if…" he closed his eyes, irrationally unable to look Roman in the eyes. "Would you want to go to the dance… with me?" He finally managed to say, opening his eyes slowly.

There was a long moment of silence as Roman processed the question. He blinked in surprise. "Wait… what?"

Logan sighed. "Stupid idea, I know, forget I said anything-"

Roman takes his hand, grinning. "Yes! Yes, of course I want to go with you! I just thought you didn't like this dance." He explained.

A wave of relief washed over Logan and he smiled, lacing his fingers with Roman, his palm was so warm. "Well I'm certainly not a fan but… I feel like I won't mind it as much with you…"

Suddenly Roman pulled at their joined hands until their foreheads touched, his warm breath fanning over Logan's face. "I wanted to ask you out for so long I just… didn't know how." He said softly.

Logan flushed at their proximity and Roman's words, eyes drawn to his lips. "Really? I didn't think you'd be interested in someone like me…"

Roman chuckled at that. "Funny… I thought the same thing…" He looked down, taking a step back but keeping their hands together.

Logan took a moment to process that. "Wait… you thought I won't be interested in you? I'm pretty sure everyone in school is, how can they not?" Logan said, blant as always.

Roman looked up, blushing deeply. "I… I don't know… you're so smart and confident and perfect and I'm… not…" he shrugged.

Logan couldn't believe what he's hearing, of course he knew Roman was more insecure than he lets on but this? This is absurd!

He squeezed their joined hands. "Roman, you're my best and only friend. Sure we're very different but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy being with you. You're smart in your own way, you're sweet and caring and charming and of course I would be interested in you, I don't understand why you think I wouldn't but-"

And, before Logan knew it, they were kissing, sweet and gentle. Logan felt himself melting at the intimate touch, for once losing touch with reality as the sensations overwrote his senses.

They broke apart to catch their breaths, looking at each other, both of them flushed.

"So ah… dance?" Roman asked hopefully with a shy smile.

Logan shook his head, chuckling. "Yes Roman, dance." He clarified.

Roman gave him a sly smile that turned Logan's blush a deeper red. "Do you have an outfit in mind?"

Logan's eyes widened. "Oh no, please not-"

"Makeover time!" Roman declared with a flourish. "Come to my place after school and I'll fix you up in no time! Now come on, classes are about to start!" With a spring in his step, he led them out of the empty room and towards their first class of the day.

"Maybe the dance wasn't the best idea…" Logan said, but Roman just laughed.

"Too late! Get ready, nerd, you're about to become a 'fancy nerd' !" He accompanied the last phrase with jazz hands.

Logan rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile at Roman's… Roman-ness.

Him and Roman… going to the dance… together… this is really happening huh?

Yes. Yes, it was happening.

The rest of the days following their first kiss should probably have been a clue that this was indeed very much real and not some elaborate dream, but it was still hard to believe even with all the hard evidence.

After Logan finally worked the courage to ask Roman out, things moved rather quickly. That day after school he went with Roman to his house and they spent hours trying on different outfits and styles on Logan, trying to find something that'll fit Logan and the dance theme.

They finally settled on a royal blue coat with golden buttons with a white dress shirt underneath and matching blue dress pants. Complete with a gentle tiara with blue fake gems and-

"No." Logan said when he saw what Roman held up for him.

Roman pouted. "What's a king without his cape?" He said. "C'mon, the outfit's not the same without the finishing touch!" He wiggled the cape enticingly at him.

Logan rolled his eyes. "I feel ridiculous enough already, thank you."

Roman bit his lip, looking Logan up and down once again, he did that so many times even Logan stopped counting. "Ridiculous is not how I'll describe it."

Logan flushed but still shook his head. "No capes."

Roman whistled. "Gee Teach, pulling out the Pixar references. Have it your way then." He finally relented, putting the dark blue cape aside. "I think we found your look regardless."

Logan nodded, going to the bathroom to change to his normal clothes and go back to his house.

As he was heading out, Roman suddenly planted a brief kiss to his cheek. He pulled away and grinned. "See you tomorrow!"

A little stunned, Logan just nodded and walked outside.

Before Logan knew it, the day of the dance came.

"C'mon, let me see you, your highness"

Logan heard Janus' teasing tone from the other side of the door. Why was he doing this again? He wondered as he looked at himself in the mirror once more.

He felt utterly ridiculous and uncomfortable in the stiff outfit and his cheeks burned as he imagined Janus' reaction to seeing him in this.

"I… think I might be getting sick, it's flu season after all… maybe I should-"

"Nice try, Logan, you're not getting out of this that easy." Janus cut him off.

Logan sighed. "Fine, just promise you won't laugh?"

He heard his older brother chuckle. "I make no promises, but it's either that or be late to your precious date…" Janus pointed out.

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, he was right, damn him but he was right.

He took a deep breath, then twisted the door handle and walked outside. He barely blinked before he heard the click of a camera and saw Janus with his phone at the ready.

"Perfect." Janus smirked at him, taking a few more shots of him.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Great, you got your blackmail material, can I go now?"

Janus chuckled again, doing a mock bow. "Be on your way, your royal highness."

Logan huffed. "You're impossible." He muttered as he walked past him and out the door.

"Love you too, Lo!" He heard him call after him.

A short walk later, and he's at the school dance, looking around for Roman nervously. He could feel everyone's eyes on him and knows what they're most likely thinking:

Logan Sanders, top student and hater for all non-serious things, attending the dance with the most ridiculous outfit in existence…

A hand on his shoulder makes him jump and turn around sharply, only to freeze on the spot at the sight that greeted him, feeling his cheeks heat up.

Roman chuckles at Logan' jump, eyeing him up and down appreciatively… and looking like a prince straight out of a fairytale book. With his dashing smile, the white dress shirt laces delicately with gold and red threads, a red sash going across it from the left shoulder to the right side of his waist and a pair of black dress pants that hug his frame snugly.

Logan swallows as Roman smirks at his staring, biting his lip. "What? This ol' thing?" He indicated his outfit. "I just threw it on me at the last minute."

"I… um… You look… Adequate." He finally managed to say.

Roman raised an eyebrow playfully. "Just 'adequate'? That blush says otherwise."

Logan flushes darker at that, looking away from Roman's gorgeous green eyes.

Roman chuckles, hooking his hand in Logan's. "You're too cute for your own good, care for a dance?" And with that, he was pulled to the dance floor.

To Logan's surprise, the night went… really well, and he actually managed to have fun even with his awkwardness and everything.

Being here, with Roman, just felt… right.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #janus and remus are done with roman and logan's pinning lol #pre romantic logince #logince #loginceweek2023 #day 1 - insecurity #Lily writes #this came out way longer than intended heh #hope you all will like it #cw kissing #tw low self esteem

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