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sheepgirl3 · 3 months

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I’m falling deeper and deeper down the CoD rabbit hole and I’ve noticed something that has driven me bonkers.

TW: talk of canonical SA

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So I’ve read the Ghost comics, which for one thing show how incredibly fucked up basically every area of Simon’s life is and was. He never had a chance and honestly, it’s amazing he’s not more off the rails.

But before I read the Ghost comics, I had extensively studied the wikis for Simon and you know what they never mention?

The sexual assault he’s routinely put through.

Even the wiki for the comic where Pilar is named doesn’t put a name to it or mention the horror around her presence. Nor does it touch on the man who we see buttoning up his pants in the cell with Simon beyond the fact that he licked his (Simon’s) lips.

I barely see it mentioned anywhere and it’s sparsely mentioned by the fandom, from what I can tell. I’ve seen it in fanfics before, but sometimes I’m decently sure writers don’t know that it’s actually a canonical event.

And I feel so bad for Simon, ya know? But I also hate the general lack of acknowledgement of that area of his trauma.

There’s very little point to this post other than expressing frustration. I also wonder if others in the fandom feel the same way and how widely Simon’s canonical trauma is known. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was not super widely; I’ve not been able to find the physical copies of the Ghost comics anywhere and only read them online.

Anyhow, yes, this has in fact prompted me to start writing another Ghost fic. Nevermind that I have like three in the works already.

#fic #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #ghost comics #ghost call of duty #tw sa vent #tw sa #i just have a lot of feelings #and Ghost deserves a lot better #and I have feelings about what feels like erasure

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easybreezyscatterbrain · 7 months

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tw discussion of assault

my therapist said to me that it didn’t sound like a “grey” situation, it sounded like i told him what i wanted and what i didn’t want and he didn’t listen to that.

and my instinct was to defend him.

because i’m telling the story wrong, because i came, because i laughed, i tried to make him happy i tried to make it work i tried to make it good. i wanted it to be good, i tried to make it good, i loved him. even though he still belittled me. embarrassed me. pestered me.

but i wanted to defend him.

and that’s not fair.

#sa vent #sa survivor #sa victim #tw sa #tw sa vent #sa recovery

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cannedbeefaroni · 8 months

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yknow what maybe i dont want to have sex. maybe i want to be held tightly by edward nashton and cry pathetically in his arms. i want to imagine what he'd say to me.

Oh god, my sweet angel. My pretty boy. They all failed you. You've been screaming out for help your whole life, and they sat back and let you suffer. I'll destroy the world for you. Nothing will ever hurt you again. I'll castrate the pig that stole the light in your eyes. I'll save you, and we'll be together forever. You'll be safe.

#mental illness moment #tw vent #vent #tw sa vent #tw sa #sa vent #edward nashton

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family-oddity · 1 month

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#vent #my writing #trauma #trauma coping #traumacore #ventcore #actually cptsd #trauma edit #vent edit #my edit #sa survivor #tw sa vent #sa vent

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dying-weeds · 2 years

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#mine #vent #trauma #tw sa #traumacore #ventcore #actuallytraumatized #actually ptsd #traumacore vent #trauma vent #tw sa vent #spilled words

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thatgenderfluidmonstrosity · 7 days

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Heavy vent

Tw: sa trauma mentioned

Don’t you love it when your mom tells your therapist that she doesn’t think you are asexual, but that your sexual assault (or sexual abuse? Idk what I consider it) trauma “did something to you” and how she doesn’t want you to miss out on anything in relationships because of your trauma

I am asexual

I have always been asexual

I would have been asexual even without that stupid motherfucker doing anything to me

But there’s nothing like a parents questions to make me question myself

Making me wonder if I really am just fucked up

Or that I’ll never have a good relationship because of my sa trauma and/or asexuality

Is anyone could give me advice or comfort, that would be so so so appreciated

Not necessary, but appreciated

#sa trauma #tw sa mention #tw sa vent #asexual spectrum #asexual #ace spec #acespec #asexuality #asexual issues #trauma

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refusetodisappear · 6 months

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Getting sexually assaulted by your partner is weird.

There’s so much anger at them for betraying your trust, and even more at yourself for trusting them in the first place.

There’s this constant unshakeable fear, always beneath everything you fear. Even when you break up and cut them out and go no contact, you’re still so fucking scared, all the time.

You never want anybody to touch you in any capacity ever again, you never want to date ever again, but you still long for emotional connection and you still feel attraction.

There’s constant doubt- they loved me, they told me they loved me, did it really count?

There’s this giant gaping hole in the life you built around them, and you have no idea who you are anymore.

It’s really fucking weird.

#tw sa vent #tw sa #trauma #healing #trauma recovery #mental health #i refuse to disappear #relationship trauma

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longing-for-rain · 27 days

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On sexual abuse, trauma, and recovery

I’ve wanted to post something like this for a long time, because of things people have said directly to me and other things I’ve seen. It strikes me how people who haven’t experienced this really don’t understand how it feels, both in the moment and in the aftermath.

The reason I finally decided to make this post is actually on a more positive note—I’m writing this just after I’ve had my first real date in years. My first real date I’ve had the courage to go on after escaping a sexually abusive situation I endured for nearly a year during the COVID pandemic. I’m writing this to say that even though what I’m talking about it going to sound bleak and disturbing, it doesn’t end there. We can still move on. I used to think I would rather die than be looked at sexually again. I didn’t even want to go out in public. But I’m sharing because no matter how bleak what I’m about to say sounds, I’m still here. We don’t have to stay trapped; we don’t have to stay silent.

I’ll put the rest below, and please, read at your own risk because I will be discussing heavy topics such as sexual abuse and the aftermath of that.

I’ve learned a lot over the past few years, but probably the most important thing I’ve learned is that the idea that recovery is quick and easy is a myth. The idea that it’s easy to get justice when you’re abused is a myth. Some people will probably get angry at me for saying this, but in all honesty, I wish I’d been warned. That’s the part I truly wasn’t prepared for—how isolated I would feel in the aftermath, and how the people and systems that promised to always support victims failed me. I’m tired of being told that it’s easy to simply report and move on. It’s never that simple.

The first time it happened, I was naïve and drunk and blamed myself. I just blocked it out. By the time it fully hit home that I’d been assaulted, it was too late. I had no evidence of the event and knew nothing would come of it if I reported it. So I didn’t. It was painful enough that it happened. I couldn’t handle also being accused of being a lying whore trying to ruin an “innocent” man’s life for no reason. That’s how women like me are treated when we try to say anything.

That was right before COVID. During COVID, I was mostly online and that’s how I got into fandom again. I found comfort there, especially after what I’d been through, but unfortunately I repeated the same mistake I’d made the first time—I was naïve, I was somewhere unfamiliar, and way too vulnerable. Someone took advantage of that.

I don’t really want to go into details, but I was sexually groomed and abused over the course of about a year. I didn’t realize it at first, because that’s the cruel thing about grooming. When it starts slowly, you don’t realize what’s happening to you until it’s too late. I spent hours a day at times on the phone with this person. What I thought was “advice” was really just her pushing me into places (sexually) that she knew I wasn’t comfortable with. To this day I still don’t know if it was because she was interested in my sexually or if she just liked the idea of “corrupting” a much younger woman into destroying herself just like she had.

But at the time, I was blind to it. I thought it was just a toxic friendship. I felt hurt and traumatized but didn’t understand how to express why I was feeling the way I was. I didn’t yet recognize it as abuse, and even the slightest hint of that was crushed by my abuser and her friends. She knew the community better than me and how to manipulate it—how to make me look crazy for trying to come to terms with what happened. So ultimately, I simply blocked her, deleted every account I’d been associated with her on, and thought it would end there.

At the time it seemed like the best option. But later, I realized what I’d done. Those conversations were evidence, and I’d gotten rid of them all. So now I’m suffering the same fate I did the first time. I have no evidence. I have to deal with what happened, and I can’t prove it.

I did try to speak up, eventually, as many abused women do. I got a taste of why rape has a 2% conviction rate, why this is a crime that goes so often unpunished. People who barely knew the situation got involved, because they were friends of friends of the abuser. I was called things like “shit stirrer” and accused of “disrupting the community” for trying to say something. I lost friends I thought I could trust, either because they sided with my abuser or because they were too cowardly to say anything. And nobody has ever apologized for anything—not one. I’ll be honest. I seriously considered suicide multiple times and attempted once. The aftermath was even worse for me than the abuse in some ways. I was still living under the lie that as a victim, I’d have support and understanding from my community when in reality it was the opposite. Sometimes I feel like if it ever happened to me again, I would actually end my life. I don’t know if I could go through this whole process again.

So yes, that’s why it’s isolating. That’s why it’s so painful; why “just report it” is bullshit. If you haven’t been through something like this, don’t even pretend to understand. You will lose friends. You will be isolated and ostracized from communities you thought could support you. You will watch people repost essays about supporting victims on their social media turn around and blame you for your own abuse. You will watch people use sexual harassment and abuse in ship wars about fictional characters and then participate in your real life abuse. People will make fun of your sexual abuse. People will tell you your sexual abuse is hot. People will tell you that they understand, then side with your abuser anyway, after you’ve already opened up to them.

That’s the reality. Why is it this way? I don’t know. I think a lot of it is deeply ingrained misogyny, which is why I think it’s so so important to recognize and call out the misogyny intertwined in our culture and communities. It’s what creates the environment that allows this to happen and isolated victims from each other.

This is rambling, I know, but I’m getting frustrated by some of these anons spouting off about something they clearly know nothing about. Stop treating it like some easy thing that just goes away and that people actually care about sexual trauma and victims. They don’t.

#tw sa vent #tw sa #personal #tw suicide mention #tw misogyny #feminism

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sherbetpoetry · 5 months

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01/27/23

the day we had the sexual assault talk i came home and immediately googled

“was i raped”

i then googled

“was it really rape if i was drunk”

i took so many quizzes

(you probably have experienced sexual assault. talk to a counselor or trusted adult)

asked ai

(if you didnt say yes, you were assaulted) and even a suicide helpline

(you couldn’t give consent if you were drunk, and even with that you didnt say yes)

but everyone asked

“did you say no?”

i didnt say no, but i didnt say yes.

she always wanted to, but i just wanted to get drunk and have fun

my other ex friend that was there just told it to everyone and now my best friend calls me a whore

everyone knows, they just don’t talk about it

they say grief will hide until it’s safe to come out, sometimes running in a field of sunflowers, sometimes doing passe’s at barre, sometimes in my room journaling

that was all in the same week, i cried into my moms arms and told her.

she still thinks i just did it because i wanted to, even after she stayed up with me until 2 in the morning listening to my sobs

all she wanted was to get me drunk and fuck

and thats about all i was useful for

#tw sexualisation #tw sa vent #coquette #girl interrupted #girlblog #original poem #girlblogging #poem #poetry #poets corner #poets on tumblr #short poem #poems and quotes #poems and poetry #poems on tumblr #poetrycommunity #young poets #sa survivor #dissociation

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a-j-s-the-only · 2 months

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I wonder if you knew I said no

did you just not hear me?

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thelunarsystemwrites · 1 month

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!Vent!

trigger warning, the following content discussion mental illness, trauma, child sexual abuse, swearing, victim blaming, aggressive behaviour. You have been warned.

Honestly I don't know what to be mad at.

Like, I was a kid. Who the fuck does that to a kid? In HIS own damn house! Why did that happen? Because I feel like I deserved it, or like it's my fault? I was a kid, i was old enough to talk and say no??

IT'S BEEN OVER TEN FUCKING YEARS why am I still afraid!? I'm so fucking pissed at myself because I haven't got over it.

BUT I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT SO SOMEONE ELSE!?

Just-

I dunno I'm tired.

I'm tired of holding myself to a higher standard than everyone else but I don't stop doing it?? And I'm fully aware of victim blaming right now but i feel like I deserve to be blamed, and if I ever told my family they'd hate me.

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jackrants · 8 months

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I feel gross.

#sa trauma #tw sa #tw sa vent #sa vent #tw vent #vent post #vent

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easybreezyscatterbrain · 2 months

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tw / sa

i am constantly scared of other survivors hearing my story and saying “that’s not assault.” because it was coercion, because i had feelings for him, because i stayed in contact with him, because of so many things. even though survivors are the ones who helped me realize what happened to me wasn’t consensual.

i just am always worried that i’m telling the story wrong and one day someone will see.

#sa survivor #sa vent #sa victim #tw sa vent #tw sa mention

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cannedbeefaroni · 9 months

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TW FOR S/A TRAUMA

i want edward nashton to let me scream and cry and kick in his arms as he caresses my back and shushes me like a baby. i want him to say "It wasn't your fault" over and over again as he kisses my forehead while i violently weep. i wanna shove my head into his chest as i scream "I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU FUCKING RUINED MY LIFE YOU PIECE OF SHIT" and he says "it's ok let it out sweetie" and lets me cry in his lap for hours

#tw sa vent #sa vent #tw sa #edward nashton #the riddler #dano riddler #paul dano riddler #edward nashton x reader

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family-oddity · 2 months

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#vent #my writing #trauma #trauma coping #traumacore #ventcore #trauma edit #vent edit #actually cptsd #my edit #sa vent #tw sa vent #tw sa #sa implied #sa survivor #sa mentioned

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feralsapientia · 9 months

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Someone just tried to send me something straight up fucking illegal so I'm going to repeat this once again.

I do not want actual pedophiles, rapists or groomers here. If you can't divide between fantasy and real life then get the fuck out of my blog.

Fucking thanks. I am a victim or csa and I would appreciate it if you, the kind of detestable fucks who left me traumatized, stayed away from me and everyone else.

Fantasy does not equal reality. I don't condone any twisted or sick actions some of you actually want to do or have done. And to you??? Fuck you. Fuck you with all my heart and all my soul. Fuck. You.

I'm amazed I have to say this, but I won't stand any ilegal activity on my blog when it hurts someone. All of you proud MAPs can burn alive.

#you disgust me #not nsft #tw csa #tw csa mention #tw sa mention #tw sa #tw sa vent #disclaimer #important

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