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clownrecess · 11 months

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(Tw for discussions and descriptions of meltdowns, panic attacks, and self injury)

"Well why is it okay when you listen to music full volume with headphones, but it bothers you when my radio is loud?"

Because they are two different things. My music is the same music I've been listening to for years non stop (fully serious. I listen to music at all times. At school? Music. Drawing? Music. Sleeping? Music. Peeing? Music.). They are sounds I am used to. Sounds that my brain and body are VERY familiar with, along with that, they are sounds that make my body and brain feel good. Listening to them at a loud volume makes me feel good and stimmy. It makes my body feel calm and happy.

Even music that I LIKE hurts my body at a loud volume if I'm unfamiliar with it. I need to listen to it quietly for a long time first.

Once I know it super well, I can BLAST it, and it makes me feel good!

But if it's a song or audio I don't like, it hurts me no matter what. It causes my body physical pain if it plays long enough. Once I become familiar with it, it still hurts, only a little less. But if its loud? No, it's still horrendous pain that has made me have meltdowns and panic attacks.

Whilst yes, I don't like listening to music tastes that aren't my own because I just don't find it enjoyable, it is more than that for me. I am not being bratty or overreacting. Unfamiliar or unpleasant songs at a loud volume (and even a quieter volume if I'm already feeling unwell) cause me PHYSICAL PAIN.

I can't explain it any other way.

A lot of allistics I've spoken to about this don't understand how I can easily blast my music on FULL VOLUME in HEADPHONES for hours on end, but begin to hyperventilate and hit or bite myself if a cars volume is just barely too loud with a genre I don't like or am unfamiliar with.

It isn't that I'm just displaying my usual pain reaction when it plays so I can get you to stop. Its just that some music makes my body feel good inside, and some makes my body feel like it's being actually attacked.

#tw meltdowns #tw autistic meltdown #tw panic attack #actually autistic #neurodivergent #aac user #autism #nonspeaking #nonspeaking autistic #disabled #the tism #neurodiversity #autistic experiences #sensory issues #sensory differences

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gaybae1021 · 9 months

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Hey, heads up this is a heavy comic. I think I’ve tagged everything I need to but if you think I missed a tag let me know. The darker themes are implied, but if you’re uncomfortable with anything in the tags feel free to scroll on.

Uh oh, heat wave in Phoenix Drop. You know what that means? Summer outfits! And you know what that means? New scar reveals! And you know what that means? Unpacking childhood trauma!

Panels fused version:

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socially-anxious-wizard · 5 months

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Old Yaomomo sketches. Autistic stuff.

#momo yaoyorozu #my art #tw autistic meltdown #not in detail but still #Sketches #yaomomo #autistic artist

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honeyed-latte · 3 months

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Headcanon time again:

Tw Autistic Meltdown described

The worst meltdown Hiccup ever had was the day they left The Edge for good. It was a massive change and he was giving up a chunk of freedom and individuality to go back to his social and familial responsibilities. He hated it.

Nonverbal, crying, hyperventilating, pacing for hours until his leg is chaffed and bleeding, then it devolved into pained whimpering and rocking in place, clawing at his hair and his thighs.

He ended up maiming his legs with his jagged nails before Toothless was able to warble and gentle Hiccup into sitting in his wings. Even then he kept whimpering and rocking.

He still has a few pale white scars on his legs from that day.

#hiccup haddock #httyd #autistic things #tw Autistic Meltdown #headcanon

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partiallypearl · 2 months

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happy birthday, baby. i wonder if you hate me? 'cause i love you more than the moon and the stars

#keedie darrow #akos #a kind of spark #akosedit #keediedarrowedit #akindofsparkedit #gifs #gif #*mine #song is it's ur birthday by xana!!#in my head it's one of keedie's fave songs #deffo on her spotify wrapped #tw autistic meltdown #tw panic attack #my girl i both love and hate this scene #love it for it's rep #hate it for how she feels

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kitcatcourt · 6 months

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I don't think you guys understand. SHE IS AUTISTIC!!! SHE HAS AUTISTIC MELTDOWN!!! HERE!!!

Btw, if people want me to gather even more autistic Courtney TDR clips, I WILL. Also, you obviously don't have to headcanon her as autistic. You do you!

#autism headcanon #total dramarama #courtney td #hissterical headcanons #tw meltdown #cw meltdown #tw autistic meltdown #cw autistic meltdown #video #((I'd tag it as my stuff but all I did was put clips together so... yeah))#total drama

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venting-town · 7 months

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I was so fucking autistic/adhd as a kid

Yet nobody understood/cared. They just wanted me to behave/act like a “ normal “ person

Bitch, YOU ALL were the ones who “ weren’t normal “

What with forcing me to eat foods I didn’t like ( or be like the fat fucktard Beau and force me to stay in the kitchen for hours (( even all day )) until I finally caved and ate the food he made, or until I hid the food and lied to his face and told the fucking stupid-ass bitch that I ate it )

Making fun of things I was interested in

Making fun of my meltdowns

Blaming me for getting treated badly by adults

Taking away comfort objects

Making fun of me for taking things literally

Calling me names/mocking me for “ being stupid “/not understanding what they’d say

Forcing me into doing social shit when I didn’t want nor need to be in

Among HUNDREDS upon HUNDREDS of other things

#vent #tw vent #vent 10/5/23 #tw autistic meltdown #tw child abuse #tw ableism #and my mom used to be an ‘ autism mom ‘ when she was married to Beau. and stayed as one for a couple years afterwards #and even though she was a failure as a parent/human in general. DESPITE her having sources about autism/autism spectrum. she continued #failing me MISERABLY. every. single. day.#tw mom

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peachesnabsinthe · 7 months

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After brutally ending some friendships (after 10 years), they finally showed their true colors when I got a text yesterday with one of them trying to gaslight me. Literally trying to pull the "you never told me how you felt" when I have had soul-crushing, heart-to-heart moments with these people.

And my severely traumatized ass actually DID call them back. And I don't think they will ever contact me again. I basically ripped them a new asshole. And I also blocked both of their numbers. It's awful to hear someone's voice and realize that they sound like a stranger to you, and also a bit pathetic. I've spent 29 years of my life trying to fit into other people's molds of how they want me to behave, how they want me to respond, how they want me to react to things. The majority of these "people" that I'm talking about are my own loved-ones.

The worse part is that I am basically bed-bound today because I'm now so physically sick. My fight-or-flight response is so FUCKED now, and since around 2pm yesterday I keep having panic attacks. My ARFID issues have been especially difficult the past couple months so I physically don't have much energy from not being able to eat as much as I should. All of this, because of repressed anger (and you know, from someone telling me how I should process my own fucking trauma THAT THEY CONTRIBUTED TO).

One of the things nobody tells you about demasking is that you have to get passed not wanting to be the "bad guy". Narcissists and Groomers LOVE folks like me, because my brain isn't wired to pick up on their shit a lot of times. But not anymore. You know why?

Because I'm fucking "mean" now. I'm "confrontational" now. When I notice something "off" now, I say it. I have a bad habit of ghosting people, but it's because a lot of times, people really can't handle the truth. But honestly, SAY IT ANYWAY. Don't care about their feelings anymore.

I'm not mean. I'm taking no shit, and not letting people cross my boundaries. And you should too. And if anyone ever makes you feel bad about it. FUCK THEM. Because you ensuring your own SAFETY and HAPPINESS is priority.

#tw cptsd #tw autistic meltdown #tw arfid #personal #digital diary #diaryposting #online journal #personal post #journal

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chai-sweets · 8 months

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I think my new approach to my mental health shenanigans is to just assume I have autism along with my already diagnosed adhd. I get really upset sometimes and now that I’ve been reading about autistic shutdowns/internalized meltdowns, and external meltdowns, it’s possible that those are what i’ve been experiencing. TW mentions of minor self harm under the cut

Yesterday was probably my worst one, I actually hit myself and my pillows and yelled. They’re not super common, but when they’ve happened before I never yelled because I couldn’t or I would get in trouble (which I think would be relatively normal if I was yelling curses). I’ve hit myself on the head a couple times before but never as much as I did yesterday, and also my legs. The past “events” have been mostly sobbing and silent screaming into my pillow- or freezing up completely. I’ve only gone completely nonverbal twice to my memory.

Internally, they’ve felt like I was at war with myself in my head. I yelled at myself and cried and begged myself to stop being mean to myself, and then yelled at myself more. My thoughts have raced uncontrollably to the point where I wanted them to just stop completely but I can’t get them to stop and it has always been very stressful and frustrating. It feels like the world is ending. I always thought these were panic attacks.

Anyway, my final thought is that regardless of whether I am actually adhd + autistic, or just adhd + anxiety, I’m going to try using the (healthy) coping skills that go along with meltdowns to see if that helps. If I feel one coming on (I read this is called “rumble stage”), I will get myself into a more quiet environment and probably under my weighted blanket, as I’ve historically curled up under my normal blanket in bed. I also would like to get a toy or something I can hit and a toy I can break apart methodically, as I have torn apart light cardboard-think of cereal boxes- to calm myself down before.

My triggers have been mostly changes to my “routine” or abnormal events, or uncomfortable feelings all day. I have PMDD so I get very uncomfortable physical symptoms during certain days of my cycle, and a day of unshakable discomfort doesn’t help.

#tw self destructive thoughts #tw self harm mention #tw autistic meltdown #possibly i’m not sure #chai speaks #hahah see that’s a pun on my username

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theautisticfroglord · 9 months

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anyways parents who record/post their autistic child having a meltdown are awful people :)

#“but its for awareness!!!!” shut up #there is no excuse #actually autistic #actually autism #meltdown #autistic meltdown #sensory issues #autism #autistic #tw ableism #ableism #autism moms #proship dni #<- this is so those ppl dont interact w this #ik it's unrelated but it's for my safety 🫶

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clownrecess · 1 year

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(tw for talk of autistic meltdowns and shutdowns)

I want to talk about autistic shutdowns and meltdowns Everybody experiences them differently so please be aware that I am only writing this from my personal experiences.

When I have shutdowns, I begin to have an extremely difficult time moving any part of my body. I become very stiff, and "locked in". My facial muscles tend to stiffen a bit, and I'm not quite sure what this looks like, but I know I can feel the muscles near the front of my eyebrows get tight and I can not relax them.

During shutdowns, because I can not move my body very well (Like it's close to nothing, my movement is severely limited during these times), I can not use my AAC device properly. If I tried, I would probably be only to press something like "I bad", and even that would be very difficult. This is not only frustrating, but very overwhelming for me, because when I have shutdowns I have a ton of thoughts all at once. When I have this many thoughts at once, I need a way to release them. But I can't. This is different from a meltdown, because in a meltdown I have very few thoughts, and the thoughts I do have are usually just very distressed thoughts of "Stop it. Stop it. I need to leave. No." but with a lot of cursing. In meltdowns, my body movement is not restricted, more so impaired, because my body will move a lot, it just won't do what I want it to do. Due to this I tend to run away from everything and everyone (when I really just want to leave the sitiation), violently stim such as hitting or biting myself (when I just want to express that I feel bad), yell or scream (when I just want to try and self regulate but my body WON'T stim helpfully), intense crying, and more things.

There is a similarity between shutdowns and meltdowns though, despite them both being very different. In both scenarios, my ability to communicate is super limited. If I am having a meltdown, I might hit my device, throw my device away from me, or hit myself with my device. If I am having a shutdown, my body literally just can not move enough to use it.

During my last shutdown I was able to write a short message in my phones notes app, to try and communicate my thoughts to my mother. What I was trying to say or explain was that I was feeling nervous at that time, because I was dressed interestingly (let's be honest lol. I was dressed EXTREMELY emo, and I was in a place full of rich looking probably cishet people who kept looking at me weirdly before the shutdown even started) and I thought that the people around me would think that because I was already dressed different, and was now acting different, that I was being attention seeking. What I ended up writing was "All Think I attention whore". (also I want to note that my clothes or how I present was not at all related to the shutdown. I was just extremely overwhelmed.)

#tw meltdown #tw shutdown #tw autistic meltdown #tw autistic shutdown #autistic meltdown #autistic shutdown #actually autistic #neurodivergent #aac user #nonspeaking autistic #autism #nonspeaking #aac device #aac users #disabled

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a-sip-of-milo · 6 months

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You didn't deserve to be filmed during your most vulnerable moments. You didn't deserve to have them put on the internet for everybody to see, even if it was "just for friends and family". It's not funny and you're not overreacting for feeling humiliated, upset or uncomfortable because of it.

That goes for the people who initially gave consent as a child. It doesn't matter. Shouldn't have happened regardless, and I hope you can find peace.

Believers in narcissistic/borderline/anti-social/histrionic abuse DNI

#parental abuse #tw abuse #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #autistic meltdown #npd safe #cluster b safe #bpd safe #aspd safe #hpd safe #emotional abuse #childhood ptsd #childhood abuse

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beep-beep-robin · 9 months

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quinni gallagher-jones + common autism traits

had to make gifs of her again, and felt the need to make a list (does anyone get that feeling?) - so, i combined both and more gifs are incoming soon-ish <3

#vanessas gifs #original post #quinni gallagher-jones #quinni gallagher jones #quinni heartbreak high #autism #autistic #asd #actually autistic #autism traits #heartbreak high #heartbreak high 2022 #heartbreak high gifs #quinni gallagher jones gifs #tw: sensory overload #tw: meltdown

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 2 months

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They think Autism is just being a bit ‘odd’, But they don’t see…