#trying but not getting anywhere not feeling like I'm making any progress
Text
Honorifics
A/N: Yeah... I don't know about this. I'll probably take it down since I'm unsure if it's got enough of a consistent vibe. Let me know if it's actually something you enjoy since I don't write angst or hurt/comfort often. I ALWAYS WRITE HAPPY ENDINGS THO. That's a damn promise.
Summary: You've given Ghost a title he hates, and takes it out on you. The situation goes too far, and you're both left trying to figure it out. Reader is nicknamed "Brass" since she's a long-distance shooter/sniper.
T/W: angst, cursing, Ghost being an emotionally unstable human, yelling, the reader having a breakdown, smidge of not eating, smidge of not drinking anything, comfort, feelings, female reader, not proofread.
When you joined the task force, things didn’t exactly go as smoothly as you had hoped it would. Training sessions usually ended up with you either getting your ass beat or nearly surviving a full-on embarrassment by the skin of your teeth just to be told that you still weren’t in good enough shape to keep up with them in the field. Surely being a woman didn’t excuse you from being in shape for the kind of work Laswell and Price had brought you in for, but damn if it wasn’t difficult to try and have a one-on-one fight with someone like Soap or Ghost without the benefit you would typically have in a real-world battle situation. The reality that all of the men in the squad were literally the best of the best aside, there could be just barely enough room for you to compete on the same level when it came to sheer physical strength. While that wasn’t your specialty anyway, the Captain made it clear you needed to prove you could handle your own against serious physical fights without assistance. After nearly five weeks of having one of your squad mates slam you on your ass one too many times in the training hall, you finally were able to prove to Price that you could go out in the field and he didn’t have to extend any extra worries for your ability to survive.
Logistically as a sniper, it meant you frequently held a much more distant role in missions. By watching from a scope you could ensure that infiltrations, covert ops, and other hush-hush kinds of operations that typically the 141 wouldn’t have the luxury of. Being the skilled marksman you were, it made sense to take advantage of your talents and also extend you a job that progressed past what you’d experienced in your “standard” military career and multiple tours overseas. However, that meant communications were essentially the backbone of your usefulness aside from your rifle. Next to nothing else, your daily and mission-based work almost exclusively went through Lieutenant Ghost. Which… often proved to be the largest obstacle that you faced aside from making sure that your scope didn’t get bumped off sight the -often- rough flights and drives to insertion points.
The Lieutenant was particularly mean… he certainly didn’t give a single thought to if anyone thought that he was a little too harsh of a personality to swallow. That went for everything you came to learn about Ghost. From his lack of willingness to speak unless required of him, to his unique ability of appearing and disappearing from anywhere without the slightest sound or hint of where he’d come from or gone to. Trained as a distance marksman, even you were impressed that such a massive man could move around like smoke on water. That and his physical appearance; good god above. Surely a man like Ghost had never graced the face of the Earth before, else he’d have been just as mythical in his legendary life and would’ve been known by thousands of people. He stood towering over just about everyone, in whatever room he was in, and compared to your own height it was downright laughable the difference between the two of you as operators.
The one thing that made the biggest impression on you after meeting the Lieutenant was his voice and how he spoke. That thick accent always sounded rough and a little gritty. His deep timbre gave such a commanding authority that if given the choice between getting yelled at by Captain Price or Ghost… there was no choice you’d sit for hours listening to Price threaten you over Ghost. He just sounded so scary and attractive all at the same time. Unsurprisingly, it developed into a subconscious dynamic where you saw Ghost as such a superior officer -and human- that no matter how much you liked to daydream about Ghost in less-than-professional situations… You gave him the utmost respect at all times. Easiest of all to recognize was that from day one, you had never addressed Ghost to his face as anything other than ‘sir’. Not even his rank gave enough nuance to his character and presence, so for you, Ghost was inextricably attached to the name.
Ghost however… didn’t like it.
Such a simple address actually made Ghost grit his teeth beneath the shield of his mask. When he heard you call him that, he automatically related it to how he had called General Shepherd ‘sir’ as a subtle sign of mockery and defiance. Thinking about that made him more than necessarily angry and confused, but he couldn’t really accuse you of having ever been given much of a reason to detest him. Therefore, he had to come to the conclusion that you were doing it out of some kind of respect that a drill sergeant or boot camp instructor had bashed into your brain so hard that it stuck permanently. Not surprising since you were much different from the rest of the task force. Yet he had to revise that after the first six months of you being with them permanently. You had gotten settled in. Enough so that you called the Captain, ‘Cap’… Soap, ‘Johnny’… and Garrick, ‘Gaz’ like everyone else did. Exceptionalities only appeared when it came time for you to be around him or have any sort of interaction that wasn’t the occasional silent nod of acknowledgment when walking past each other in the hallways.
He honestly tried to ignore it and you altogether for that matter in an attempt to keep his bitter anger at a minimum. Seeing such a small and fucking happy woman always lingering around somewhere in the corners of his sight couldn’t be anything but a distraction waiting to happen. A bad habit that he didn’t have the mental capacity or emotional willingness to take on. Fuck… he already had to worry about the 141 as a whole, to begin with. Now you on top of that? It was more responsibility than he’d signed up for initially. Hearing you call him ‘sir’ day in and day out began to take its toll on his self-control. Ghost needed to either find out why you were hellbent on calling him that, or at least be enough of a bastard to you to be reassured that you did it because you wanted a polite way to tell him to shove it up his ass sideways.
The Lieutenant had been being nothing short of a prick in the last few months.
He was making paperwork back at HQ a nightmare that couldn’t be solved alternatively through someone like Gaz or Soap who often didn’t mind playing the part of the unbiased third party. Refusing to sign things when you stopped by his office, outright ignoring your necessary questions, and stonewalling you at every single stop along the way just to yield at the last moment and do everything you’d been asking for so the both of you wouldn’t face heat from any higher-ups. That alone was enough for you to consider talking to Soap privately since he knew Ghost the best… but you’d kept putting it off hoping that it was just a passing phase of shitty attitude.
Your patience and emotional strength fell through the floor after attempting for the third time in a week after something so fucking simple as trying to get his approval and official signature on a post-mission report Price had delegated to you after being called to Washington D.C. for a meeting. It wasn’t a major task, but knowing that the Captain had given you the responsibility first over anyone else made you want to impress him and take care of business without incident. God forbid you do something as simple as ask Ghost to pick up a pen and scribble his name at the bottom of a page so that you could send it on through the higher-up channels. It resulted in the Lieutenant straight-up yelling at you in the middle of the hallway outside his office when he’d found you standing there patiently waiting for him to show up. He wasn’t threatening physically, but it cut much deeper into your pride and feelings than it should have.
With every word that dripped venomously out of his masked mouth, you lost a little extra peace of mind on having such an untouchable and unshakably good opinion of Ghost for so long. This moment of undeserved verbal punishment was enough to make the corners of your eyes burn with inner disgrace, self-doubt, and plain old sadness which motivated you to get the hell out of there before the Lieutenant saw you cry. When you turned your back and walked away right in the middle of his berating for you being “too fucking annoying to tolerate”, your only destination was your personal quarters on the other end of the building where a lock on the door could shut out the entire base for as long as you saw fit. Upon the first estimation, it would be after Captain Price returned so that you could have at least one single chance at not getting a second punishment or dismissal from the squad. The sound of your door slamming shut and your back sliding down against it on your way down to the floor silenced the entire room around you, leaving just enough room for the papers clenched to your chest to flutter onto the ground and your weak cries to sounds amplified.
It was hours before you could drag yourself off the floor and into bed, too tired and wanting to fall back on the trained and instinctual desire to hide away somewhere isolated and not move for hours on end. Being a long-distance marksman gave you the talent of patience insurmountable to the average person, allowing days to pass by without you needing to do more than go to the bathroom before coming right back to a motionless position. That’s what you wanted tonight. You needed to focus all of your energy into your brain alone and use it to sort through the hurt burning through your eyes and throat, and the questioning that gave such a sickening feeling a chance root in your stomach. Questions of if it had been foolish to trust Ghost as much as you did the others, knowing how you’d been warned that he would be difficult to work with. Hoping you hadn’t been truly so ignorant of judging behavior to think that the Lieutenant was something much greater than his behavior had been not only today but for the past months.
The next two days were spent laying near motionless… not hungry or thirsty.
Just thinking, sleeping, and staring at the wall across from your bed.
A solid knock on your door was the first human sound that hadn’t been made by you in over forty-eight hours. You’d not looked at your phone or any communications since locking yourself inside, and there was a good chance someone from the squad had come searching for you after such a long period without seeing or hearing from you. When you refused to answer right away, another harder knock banged on the door twice and rattled the steel in its doorframe. Impatient. Testy. Quite familiar with everything you’ve been through lately. Recognizing the Lieutenant was the one outside made your gut churn all over again. Questioning whether to get up or not wasn’t hard. Laying perfectly still in bed, you waited. If you were being honest though, it’d been a long time since you’d spent so long restricting yourself from basic needs for the purpose of acting like a living phantom. Close to three years since any sniper position had left you utterly abandoned without resources. Only this time it was self-induced and nothing short of a trauma response you wanted to hide away from. Truthfully you couldn’t tell if walking to the door was an easy feat or not. After not drinking anything, using the bathroom wasn’t necessary and the last time you’d stood up didn’t cross your memory clearly.
Ghost slammed his fist against the door again one last time. But he didn’t wait long enough for you to answer before rattling the handle to the door with a heavy sigh that was audible through the cracks separating you. Metal on metal gritted softly and moved the door handle a bit further. Recognizing that as nothing short of Ghost picking the lock to your quarters without the slightest care of how he’d be breaking multiple stipulations laid out for them living in HQ. Either your physical or mental state kept you from giving a damn when the handle gave way fully, leaving a bright fluorescence light flooding in from the hallway into your pitch-black room. It made your eyes water and the urge to turn your head away was strong enough to budge your head into the blankets and pillow surrounding. Heavy boots made the paperwork scattered on the floor crunch softly and the sound of his deep breaths gave away his current state of frustration. Clearly not appreciating being locked out of a room that he had no fucking business being in. A long pause led to shuffling around, and the sound of your desk chair creaking under his weight.
“Gonna say somethin’?” He sounded no less irritated than the last time you’d spoken.
It made your throat burn to even think you’d allowed his to get in your head so deeply just to utterly rip every last bit of security and respect away from you for no damn reason. Your silence made quite the statement, even if the actual task of speaking hadn’t been a totally voluntary one. You’d not moved your jaw in days at this point.
“You’ve missed five drill sessions, two mandatory meetings, and one phone from General Shepherd.”
Listing off your offenses hardly bothered you. The consequences of this had been fully accepted days ago, and Ghost would have to do a lot more to get you up from this bed. You’d trained for hell, and no matter how badly Ghost had ruined your almost loving and patient view of him there weren’t enough men on the planet to make you get up voluntarily. Drastic… yes. Satisfying to your own pride… undoubtedly. When you didn’t even let out a single breath loud enough for Ghost to hear instead of that instant apology or willingness to appease him… please him even, with that little quip of ‘sir’ ready on your tongue, the Lieutenant was up out of that chair so quickly you heard it roll into the wall behind him hard enough to thud against the drywall.
“Goddamn it Brass, I demand a fuckin’ answer!” His loud bark caught your attention, but the feeling of your blankets being ripped off your body was a far more startling sensation.
Baring you to the cold air of the room, all your body managed was to raise chills on your skin in a feeble attempt to keep you warm or alert you to seek out that heat again. Tension exploded into shocked silence when Ghost didn’t utter more than a sharp inhale after getting one, shadowed glimpse of your body totally frozen on your stomach. You knew it couldn’t look great. Snipers could come back looking like skeletons sometimes after a long mission if they were given the orders to stay put. You’d not been laying nearly long enough for that to be the case, but dehydration was certainly a symptom you were ignoring quite easily, as well as the possibility of some minor pressure ulcers that would linger for a few weeks if you didn’t move soon. Ghost wasn’t as familiar with the sight of how you felt internally. Snipers weren’t commonly used or in collaboration with Task Force 141. You’d been their first real look at how the inner workings moved or didn’t, and much of your personal way of doing things had dispelled or blown away any misguided assumptions they’d made about your skills early on. Viewing a sniper after days of doing literally nothing, of her own free will…? That wasn’t healthy or accepted in general military companies. Lucky Ghost got the front-row seat though.
When you heard his movement next to you, weight pressed down the mattress at your side in the shape of his hands, and a low sigh registered.
“Brass…” Failing to even say something, you wondered if your own assessment of yourself wasn’t accurate. “It’s been five days.” His faltered tone was truthful, and it destroyed your semblance of time that had been misled by the absence of sunlight coming in through your room.
You thought about trying to say something, resolve falling flat when swallowing felt difficult. A gloved hand rested against your thigh and Ghost almost growled again, sounding a lot more like he was resisting the urge to squeeze you hard. Only his fingers traced along your hip and over the curve in your waist with a tense and heavy swallow. He was being gentle beyond your concept of his depth of emotion and understanding. Nearly loving as he paused over your ribcage with another pinched sort of sound. Staying like that for what felt like hours, you struggled to keep yourself awake. It had been a struggle to move your tongue in your mouth, testing what mobility you’d lost in the short term. Only Ghost wasn’t leaving like you expected, and suddenly his voice returned it its normal stature.
“This’s Ghost. Get a bay ready now, I’m bringin’ someone in.” The reverb of his voice crackled in a radio you knew hooked to his vest. A backup short-range alternative in the case that SAT couldn’t be established or wasn’t clear enough to rely on in the field. Apparently, he used it to keep in contact with someone on base. Or multiple people for all you knew.
“Copy Ghost.” A static voice could be heard and quickly the room was pitched back into a silence you wanted to remain in, but Ghost was adamant to keep infracting alone with a whole list of other rules that, for whatever reason, just didn’t fucking matter or apply to him.
His other hand searched around the dark until he found your face resting amongst the fabric of your bed, curling his hand around your head and meticulously lifting you so very slowly away from the bed with his other arm steadying your legs that had also been taken up off the mattress. You’d never touched Ghost once in all the time you’d known him. Understanding that with his sour attitude, there couldn’t be a single chance in Hell that touching him was an acceptable action. Whereas with Soap, Gaz, and even on occasion Price: hugs, handshakes, shoves, and other physical touches were common, Ghost totally ignored all human contact. Maybe Hell had frozen over outside of your quarters for your weak and still motionless body to be lifted up against the Lieutenant’s chest and carried preciously outside of your room into the burning light of HQ. His chest heaved deep and quickly against you. Both hands curled around you and flexed tighter each time you were able to hear another set of shoes approaching closer to you. Possessive like a soldier. Silent like a Ghost. Determined.
He takes you straight to the medical hall where three nurses and two of the on-shift doctors are fast to respond to your condition. Only Ghost refuses to let them take you away from him for any reason. Stoically stonewalling them just like he habitually did to you as they begged him to lay you down on a transport bed so they could take you back to a room for assessment. The Lieutenant took you there himself, with the group of nurses and doctors hot on his heels and surrounding your bed once Ghost had you settled down inside a private room.
The whole place smells sterile and like alcohol. It’s not the first time you’ve been here, but these are far different circumstances. You’re still too sensitive to open your eyes, but hands are all over your body, gloves fingers touching around the sore places on weight-bearing points on your body, pricks in your fingertips, and a needle poke to the back of your hand. It’s overstimulating, to say the least, and you’re worried they’re going to think you’ve tried to starve yourself to death or decided that living altogether wasn’t worth it and simply wasting away into your bed was the solution. Right away, one of the voices of the medical professionals breaks that worry in your mind by calling for some of the tests to be staggered, needing time between them for nothing other than your own benefit.
“Treat this no differently than prolonged active reconnaissance,” The female voice states softly. “Being on-the-gun for this long is detrimental to all senses, and she’s going to need a while to wake up in a meaningful way.” She added, voice coming clearer the closer she got to your head.
“You’ve been working very hard, I suspect. Maybe not in the field… but you’re one tough lady.” She commented to you quite personally, her hand falling to your shoulders. “We’re going to get you plenty of fluids and start you on a vitamin drip to get everything running as it should again. You’ve also got some slight bedsores, but as long as we take care of them now, you’ll be right as rain soon, sniper.”
Tests were run, treatments began, and nurse after nurse was brought in with both doctors running rotations in and out of your room for the rest of the night. All of them were under the hard watch of Ghost who’d not moved from his position sitting in the corner of your room where he could see not only you but anyone approaching the door. He’d been very quiet throughout the process, watching and waiting for someone to give him some news about your condition with actual certainty. Stewing over the guilt he felt knowing damn well he was the reason you’d shut down so far and were still unable -or unwilling- to come out of it yet. You’d been nothing but the perfect little woman, doing her job with skill and grace, making everyone around you happier just with one glance in your direction. But fuck, he couldn’t stand seeing someone do the callous profession of killing people with one single squeeze of her finger and still have so much innocent and emotional humanity inside such a small body. Ghost couldn’t wrap his mind around it. So instead of trying to do the right thing and figure it out, he did what a man so out of touch with empathy did: Try to snuff it out.
You threatened him whether you or he realized it in the beginning.
But now he could see it with that crystal fucking clear hindsight. How monstrous he was for punishing you with no foundation other than his own selfish fear of seeing a dynamic he didn’t know was possibly wrapped up inside of you. Sweet and little you, never saying anything to him other than a ‘yes sir’ or ‘no sir’. Goddamnit Ghost knew he’d nearly killed you in a way. Seeing days of neglect in your sallow expression, darkened under eyes, and weakened body was more than even his cold heart could take all at one time. Wasting away for someone as useless as himself, all because he’d never given you enough credit for finding something worth liking in him where no one else had. Screaming at you. Cursing your existence. Right in your face, while he’d been too big of a pussy to even take off his own mask he hid behind every day as he utterly destroyed your meaningful position and life working alongside of his and his squad. Owing you his life wouldn’t nearly cover his offenses. Laughably, Ghost admitted his own life or death couldn’t measure up to yours. So instead of saying any kind of bullshit apology, he sat in the corner of your room and denied himself sleep, food, and water because there wasn’t anything else he could do until you’d been considered healthy and strong again.
Almost one week to the day you had been signed off for return to duty with zero restrictions. Your physical and mental evaluations came back clean, and with both Price and Ghost signing off on the doctor’s orders, you returned to your quarters where you expected to see your room exactly as you’d left it before Ghost brought you into the medical wing. Only nothing was as you’d left it. All the paperwork left on the floor was gone, as well as the other documents that had been left on your desk that still needed finishing. All of it was gone. Your bed and all of the bedclothes you’d been taken from were also missing. Replaced with totally brand new bedding in dark hues of dark green and navy blue with a decidedly feminine pattern on the quilt. Items you didn’t own. Or have any idea where they came from. Even the smell of stale air was traded for a woody, and familiar smell that wasn’t of a candle, or room spray; It was from a person. The person who sat in the corner of your room in your desk chair with his massive arms crossed over his chest and dark eyes staring at you through the painted visage of a skull gracing a black compression mask.
“Sir,” You greet hoarsely, still working through some of the non-significant parts of your recovery that lingered. Ghost stood from his seat and met you halfway across your room with a silent nod, his hand reaching out and motioning for you to step closer to him. Warily but complicit, you make the few steps forward and watch his hand turn to slide against your jaw and stay there firmly. “I expected you to be at drill.” You say with a tinge of surprise at the touch of his bare hand resting against your cheek.
“Should be,” He replied flatly. “But I’m not.” You nod a little, biting your tongue when his fingertip rubs over the curve of your ear. His eyes were soft and his unarmored physique was highlighted by the shadows made by the lamp on your side table. He’s inspecting you, you know as much. Clear by his thumb pressing over your pulse point and the minute exactly that he waits before speaking again.
“Do you like the color green?” His question knocks you off guard and his eyes slide over the quilt laying neatly over your bed. You were quick to answer honestly out of mere habit.
“Yes, sir.”
His hand stiffens against your cheek, and Ghost takes another step closer. His boots graze the tips of yours and his chin is nearly tucked against his chest to look down at you properly. You’re breathing a little harder, anticipating another break of his patience and an onslaught of screaming all directed at your apparent mistakes made right in front of his face. Judgments you’d still be unable to solve no matter how much you thought about it or what you did to try and find a solution of healthy -or not- motives. Ghost doesn’t yell though. He actually lowers his face down to yours, eyes locked right on you and an intensity burning there.
“Why do you call me that?” His low growl made you shiver, especially when his hand dropped lower to your throat. Now squeezing, but holding your gaze steady on him, reminding you of his strength. The power over you he’d always held, and given you the instant to call him ‘sir’ in the first place. Everything about Ghost was overwhelming, and you’d always been one wave away from drowning under him.
“You deserve the honor…” You answer, certain. Even if he’d broken your spirit and came back in the aftermath with questions you still believed to be much too complex for a single-sentence answer. Hopefully, he understood a little bit better but the way you leaned against his hand, letting him actually feel the pressure of your throat pressing into his palm. Literally offering your trust in him over again, testing the Lieutenant and watching as his eyes widened. His other hand came up to your face, counteracting the pressure you’d applied to keep your breath and blood flow uninterrupted. His face is still only inches away from yours but unflinching at the close contact.
“Brass,” He murmured, masked face teasing closer with his own lack of control. “I’m not what you think I am.” Your chest tightens with his words, soaked in desperation that heats your lips and cheeks.
“What’s that, sir?” You question, earning another flinch of his fingers against your skin.
“Safe… Trustworthy… Honorable.” He replies, getting even closer. The smooth material ghosted over your lips, and his breathing fanning over you wetly through the damp material. You sigh, feeling lightheaded. Weak in his hands, confused yet happy to have your life held in the palms of his hands. Confused about where his mistrust comes from, but gaining perspective every time he flinches when you address him in the way you always believed he’d feel the most revered and… loved.
“You’re wrong,” You challenge, hands moving from your sides to run up the thin shirt covering his chest. “You’re a man of fear. One that death shakes at the mention of. Even looking at you through my scope a mile away is enough to remind me you’re capable of inhuman things…” Your voice lowers, hearing thoughts straight from your soul escaping without filter from your brain. “Yet you’re human. So much more than anyone sees. Because it’s not evil that keeps you going. It’s the fear and hatred of losing anything that means something to you.” Your hand rests over his chest, hearing his heart thundering against his ribs.
“You’re not a monster, you are terrified of losing everything. That is why I call you ‘sir’, is because you’re a man unlike any other, Ghost.”
Hearing your own voice say his name like that feels so foreign. Coming off your tongue with the letters not fitting together in a way that you’d experienced. But Ghost… he reacts differently. His hands tightened around you and he hugged you against his chest tightly. His chest heaves up and down and the thunder of his heartbeat impossibly quickens until your left ear can’t hear anything but the repetitive thrum of blood coursing through his body. Heavy arms snake around you, one around your head to secure it to him and the other clinging to your waist with his hand fisting into your shirt until it’s skin-tight on your stomach. The Lieutenant practically shakes against you, using your much smaller frame to steady himself.
Yet he’s dropping to one knee on the ground, bringing you down with him until he’s nearly cradling you and softly rocking your weight back and forth. Soothing himself in much the same way a child would after scraping their knee on the sidewalk and the tears have begun to dry up. God, it made the massive man feel so weak; much like you did after he’d yelled at you a week ago. Both of you kneeled on the floor now with all of your wounds opened up to each other and had silently found a calm within the eye of a destructive storm that had been raging against the pair of you while everyone on the outside had been simply looking on with bated breath to see how the ending would play out.
“Brass - I…” Ghost’s voice choked up again, his arms tightening around you. “God, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t ignore you anymore… I’m losing my mind.”
You lean into his chest harder, arms struggling to reach all the way around his wide back in an attempt to support him a little bit. You understood through the way he was grabbing at anything on you he could desperately. So you did all you could and rubbed your hand up and down his back quietly allowing him the time to work through his thoughts. Both of you had been hurt by this, and while the Lieutenant’s form of apology came in the way he’d ushered you for help when you needed it most and unquestionably been the reason behind the way your quarters looked. Now it was you, cradling a man who’d never shown a single crack in his armor, feeling the weight of so many emotional wounds that he was practically bleeding out with pain and palpable regret.
“You don’t have to…” You whisper, resting your forehead against his.
Ghost just nods his head, panting heavily and giving a low sort of whine. “I’m so sorry…”
You smile sadly. “I’m sorry too.”
His eyes soften more, blinking away at wetness brimming at his waterline. “Say it again… please. I need to hear it. God, please.”
“It’s okay…” Your hands cradle his cheeks, feeling the sharp lines and hard muscles. “I’m right here, Ghost. We’re going to do this over again… Together, Ghost.”
Nodding weakly, he meets your gaze as you say his name again. Reveling in it. “Together… together, with you.”
#simon ghost riley#ghost x reader#cod#cod mwii#simon riley x reader#simon ghost x reader#velvetures writes#velvetures#hurt/comfort#angst with a happy ending
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
e-42!Miles Morales headcanons (fluff) ㅡ
Okay, so, I've seen a lot of people headcanon that Miles is going to buy you anything and everything you even look at
but while that's fine because they're headcanons, let me remind you the boy is 16. He's not gonna be walking into Gucci and buying everything off the displays like a webtoon.
That being said, if he has a little extra cash he'll most likely spend it on you.
I'm talking little meaningful things though. Flowers, books, little trinkets that reminded him of you and such,
if your hobby needs supplies, he'll discreetly scan your stock when he's over and get you a refill of whatever you're low on.
He also cherishes whatever you gift to him and refuses to throw anything from you away.
Like once, you got the both of you matching shoes. They've been his favorite pair ever since.
And also dates.
Dates are a little rare between the two of you ngl, because 1) New York is literally Gotham atp, and 2) being the Prowler takes up a lot of time.
so you mostly hang out at each other's places as a substitute.
But when you do go out, Miles will plan everything down to a T
because let's face it, he tries to act cool but boy is nervous
You're the first person that isn't family he's actually opened up to. He doesn't want you to have a single bad experience with him.
But even if your dates go sideways, either one or both of you always find a way to make it better :)
At the start of your relationship, he's not too big on PDA.
but as it progresses, he starts getting more comfortable about stuff like holding hands or chaste kisses in public.
Once he's completely sure of himself and the two of you, he's always touching you in some way;
linking pinkies, holding hands, hand/arm around your waist, etc.
Never, I repeat never in front of Uncle Aaron though.
It's not that he's embarrassed of you or anything, but his uncle will definitely tease the living hell out of him
Speaking of Uncle Aaron, he likes you.
The first time he heard about you was a week or two after he taught Miles the Shoulder Touch™
Keep in mind, this is before Miles's dad passed away and all that,
so the boy was awkward.
When he tried it out on you, you couldn't help laughing, just a tiny bit.
Then he made the mistake of telling his uncle, who made it so much worse
"Can you please stop laughing? I'm being serious!"
"I'm sorry man–"
"No you're not 😒"
Back to physical affection, Miles is a sucker for any that you give him.
hugs, cuddles, kisses, you name it.
He will literally melt into your arms.
He'll try to deny it at first but it isn't fooling anyone, so at one point he just gives up the tough guy act when it's just the two of you.
Forehead/top of the head kisses? PLEASE PLEASE P L E A S E
he needs some soft affection.
He is down bad.
You get back hugs. all the time. extra when he's sleepy.
he will literally penguin walk you everywhere.
A lot of times he'll put his head on your chest and hear your heartbeat to remind himself you're still there and his. Especially when 'work' was hard.
Speaking of, he also told you he's the Prowler.
Of course, he tried to delay it as much as he could, but once the two of you were absolutely stable he felt wrong keeping it a secret.
Especially when he had to bail on plans for some inpromptu work thing and couldn't give you a reason why.
You'd kinda put two and two together at that point, but it was nice to hear him actually tell you.
After Miles comes clean though, his protective tendancies will double.
He isn't controlling or smothering, but he has some strong feelings against you walking in the streets alone after dark and such.
And they only get stronger after he tells you what he does. If something happened to you because you knew, he'd never forgive himslelf.
So he takes precautions. Whenever he drops by your place after work, he always changes first so that no one sees the Prowler frequent some random apartment.
he'll never let you anywhere near his job. You don't need to watch all that nasty shit.
and so on, so forth.
He's also a big whiner. He will drag his words out to the ends of the earth if he has to.
"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa–"
"Miles, my paper's due in two days."
"Finish it tomorrow then. Necesito sostenerte, hermosa."
"...Fine."
Mrs. Morales also loves you. You're basically her daughter in law already.
Which is great!
Until she starts showing you the baby pictures.
"Miles had the cutest little face–"
"Má, please–"
She loves having you around and will let you stay the night whenever (as long as the door's cracked open).
You're invited to every single family event courtesy of Rio.
Miles will try to participate in anything you're interested in.
you like doing makeup? put some on him pls.
he'll also watch youtube tutorials to learn how to do it himself and do it for you.
which doesn't work too well the first few times, but now he's a natural!
his first time doing your eyeliner though:
"Miles, you've been at it for like 10 minutes. Let me see!"
"..."
"Is that– is that a wing?"
"..."
"🏃♂️🚶♂️"
"No, no, it's nice– it's so nice–"
Rio almost died laughing.
If you like to draw, he'll take you on grafitti dates !
But if you're nervous about that, then he'll just sit and draw with you or something.
don't look at his paper, he's drawing you and will be very flustered (he'll try to play it cool but blushing isn't rly something he can control)
so yea look at his paper
If you're part of a fandom, he'll study everything he can find on it so that he can understand what you're talking about.
He'll most likely like it too, and you guys could spend hours talking about it if you want.
but if he's not that into it, he'll just sit and listen contently to you talk about it with the stupidest smile on his face like :]
He has the softest spot for you even a blind person could see it.
He just loves you so much pls love him back
probably do a pt.2 soon
#anti writes spiderverse#across the spiderverse#miles morales#miles morales x reader#prowler miles#earth 42 miles morales x reader#miles morales headcanons#miles morales fluff#miles morales x you#prowler miles x reader#prowler morales#prowler miles morales#miles 42#e42 miles#earth 42 miles fluff#earth 42 miles x reader#earth 42 miles
2K notes
·
View notes
Note
Long ask. I didn't see that you had answered anything similar.
How do I do activism? Yes, I could Google it, but I would rather learn from a stranger with claimed yet unverifiable experience on Tumblr than from a stranger with claimed yet unverifiable experience anywhere else, and I'm here and so are you and we can talk and have a [para]social interaction. I won't bore you with a condensed autobiography, but I have a lot of experience fixing mistakes, not unlike being a physician, but far less noble, what David Graber would call a "duct-taper". It's partly what led me to socialism. I fixed mistakes but could not fix the root causes and, when I investigated those causes, I ran into structure. I couldn't explain the human behavior I witnessed as human nature, because it wasn't my nature and, as far as I know, I'm human, so the only explanation I could come up with was that the structure of the company I worked for created the problems I was trying to solve, and I had no power to change that structure, and no desire to join the psychopaths failing up the corporate ladder. I expanded my thinking outward and saw the problem inherent in capitalism and all the associated -isms and -archies, all the while trying to figure out what I could do that could possibly change any of it. I dove into progressive politics, read theory, consumed all the lefty content I could find, and thought, and keep running into the same problems. But even if the root causes cannot be addressed, the effects still need to be, because the effects are people, hence activism.
How do I talk to congresspeople? I email them about issues, but am frankly afraid to call them. Shall I get voice mail, or does a person pick up? If the latter, I'm assuming it will be a secretary. I don't want to be mean to a person answering phones. I've been one of those people getting yelled at or threatened because of events I did not cause and could not possibly prevent or change and, maybe I'm oversensitive or have PTSD or just a hyperactive amygdala, but I cannot overstate the damage those negative experiences cause. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, the lives that can be saved or improved outweigh a few people's hurt feelings or possible psychological trauma, but I would prefer not to turn this into a trolley problem if at all possible. Maybe it's a stupid question. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I can be charming and I have no lack of empathy; I can politely disagree. Shall I have to argue with anyone? Or is it a thank-you-for-your-participation-I-will-tell-the-congressperson-have-a-nice-day situation?
How do I get a job doing good things for people? This is somewhat pressing as I quit my corporate job five years ago, to have what turned out to be a midlife crisis, and have been living off savings (that are running out) ever since. I want to help and don't want to be ashamed of what I do for a living. I've always been able to do anything I've ever tried to do, but I'm 45 with little formal education or qualifications, and am thinking it's maybe too late to go back to school. Most of the non-profits I see seem like little more than scams. And perhaps the most serious complication: I'm a loner, more out of habit than inclination. I'll spare you the background, but I have no connections and no idea how to make them, and I don't believe I have any particular skills so valuable that should confer an immediate advantage or demand for my labor, but then again I don't know what is in demand.
It's OK if you can't answer some of these things. I simply have no one to talk to about them who can give any actual advice and figured you might. Thanks.
How to do activism: The first thing you need to know is your axe to grind. It was easy for me. I've been out since I was 13, nobody ever believes a girl is bisexual, it's always "you want attention" or "you're secretly a lesbian." That was in 1997. I went through hell and I'm bitter about it. So when I realized I liked medicine, I realized I could turn my life into an extended revenge arc by moving home and telling everybody it's OK to be gay. Two birds, one stone. I work with a woman who didn't get her axe to grind until about three years ago. She realized she was fed up with people abandoning dogs. She's one of the most active volunteers at the local shelter now. She's saved a lot of dogs' lives. She didn't start out knowing anything about it, but she told the shelter she wanted to volunteer, and they've helped her grow through the rest of it. My husband works with the local food bank, because his mom's neighbor (who is a family friend and sweetheart) wrangled him in to serving on the board, so now in addition to board meetings once a month he goes in sometimes to do things like help his mom's friend unload trucks. Sometimes the cause picks you, sometimes you pick the cause, sometimes you are the cause. And no matter what the cause is, someone else is already working on it. Someone else already cares deeply and if you show up ready to be hands on and help out, with humility because you know that you don't know everything, they will help you learn how to be effective. I started out in medicine by volunteering at the emergency room near where I lived. I pushed a linen cart around and restocked gowns in rooms, and when I couldn't fit any more washcloths into drawers I cleaned doorknobs. One of the nurses once told me she really appreciated that I cleaned all the doorknobs, because it wasn't getting regularly done. I am in medicine now because of many, many people I asked for help and who helped me because they wanted to contribute to justice and equity in medicine, whether for queers or rural people or women. This is, and has always been, a combined effort. Alone we beg, together we bargain.
Calling elected representatives: Oh god I know, me too, calling strangers is the LITERAL WORST. I'm 40 and I'd rather pepper-spray myself than argue with a human on the phone. Wait until after hours and you'll get a voicemail. I like to leave voicemails that start with "My name is Dr. Rex, I'm a constituent of yours, and I VOTE, and I'm calling about ____." That's honestly about all it takes--when I was hanging out with the lobbyist she told me they keep lists with tick-marks for how many calls, emails, etc., they get on a topic. Calls count for more. The more effort you have to put in, the more engaged they know you are. So call, but if people scare you (and the people who pick up are almost always nice, if you do get a person, and they will 99/100 times say "thank you for your call, we will pass your concerns along to so-and-so"), call at night.
Going back to school is probably unnecessary. Spin your past experience aggressively and start applying to nonprofits. (You "took time off from the working world in order to sharpen your focus on what matters most to you," which will be whatever this particular group does.) It's OK if you pick a bad one to start with; most of them are shit-shows, and lots of them still accomplish good things. Nonprofits are a bloodbath when it comes to actually being an employee--they know that part of the compensation is the sense of living ethically and they will use your altruism against you--so keep your resume updated and be prepared to bail if grant funding doesn't come through, but most areas have food banks and pet shelters and human shelters and jails and medical clinics and hospitals (for every doctor who works at the local hospital there are at least 10 support staff by the numbers, and they are utterly critical and always under-staffed). Sometimes if you start by volunteering somewhere, once they realize you're dependable, you can get a job there. I am zero percent kidding about working for a hospital, clinic, or jail, by the way. Those are places I know well, and there are always civilian jobs available. You want to make a patient's day better? Be the front desk, front line staff who use the right pronouns and cheer them up.
I think it's completely reasonable to have procedural questions about how all of this works, and I am grateful to you for giving me a chance to talk about it a bit. Please feel free to ask any follow-up questions. And for reference, when I was just starting out in research at a time when the market for research-trained people frankly sucked, I applied well over 300 times and got well over 300 rejections (I was counting) before I ended up with a job that I loved (even though it was hellishly stressful and I made just barely more than minimum wage for working well over my alleged, salaried "hours") and felt like I was making a positive difference for the world with. And from there, I kept making changes as I realized what I wanted and needed. Just keep doing it. You don't have to feel good about every step, you don't have to know what you're doing, just keep putting one foot in front of the other as you try to figure out what will make you happy. Because nothing else is a good proxy for happiness, and happiness, for a whole lot of humans, means finding something meaningful to do in life. Helping others. Be okay with changing, be okay with sacrificing who you are right now for the sake of who you can become. You've survived four decades on this bizarre and cruel planet, and you have inherent, intrinsic worth as a human being. You deserve your own kindness.
150 notes
·
View notes
Text
His Anchor
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Fem!reader
summary: sometimes Kaz needs a comforting presence.
fic type - angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship
warning - Kaz's haphephobia and trauma :(, also a little ooc Kaz at the end??
word count - 1,494
a/n: hiii! hope you guys enjoy!
●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●
It wasn't unusual for Kaz to get overwhelmed and slip into one of his episodes. Too much time spent in interactions, physical or not, would cause him to feel the water rise up his spine and start to consume him. In the past during times like these, Kaz would run off and lock himself into his room. No one was to come in, and no one was to go out. Now things were different. Now he had (Y/N).
The girl had become apart of his team of Crows early on, but it wasn't until a little while ago that the two crossed into a relationship status past friends (one that Kaz refused to call "lovers" due to his hatred for visible weaknesses). Since they had reached this point, the two had been working on trying to break down Kaz's walls. Understandably, the couple had been taking it slow, and didn't try to go to far out of Kaz's comfort zone.
So far, they had managed to make some progress. The first step had been hand holding in short time frames - which was okay, with or without gloves.
Next had been opening up about Kaz's childhood. (Y/N) still didn't know much, due to the fact that she didn't want to push him to far to fast, but it was enough for her to understand where he was coming from. Now, when he had the episodes, she was right there with him - staying far enough away so to not make it worse, but close enough that he wouldn't have to go through it alone. She was now his savior, pulling him back to shore when the waters threatened to drown him. And he needed that safety, especially in moments like these.
●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●
Kaz was crouched in the corner of his room. His goal had been to huddle up on his bed where he would be more comfortable, but the waves had become to much for him to go any farther. All he could see was Jordie. All he could see was Jordie. There was no escaping him. He could feel the cold hands of Jordie and the others gripping at his body.
Kaz had been alone in his study when the attack hit him, so he didn't have far to go to hide away. Unbeknownst to him, (Y/N) had seen his shaken form enter his room. She subtly excused herself from the conversation she was having with Nina and Matthias, and calmly made her way to the room. Inside, her brain was running a mile a minuet. She knew how bad Kaz could get sometimes, and she could only hope that he was alright.
Inside the room, the boy had curled into himself farther, trying to get any slight piece of relief. He was too far into his own head that he didn't notice (Y/N)'s knock on his door, nor did he notice her enter the room.
"Kaz?" she quietly called out. Her gaze drifted to the boy on the ground - the boy she had grown to truly care about. She could tell he was hyperventilating, a common occurrence during these episodes, but his breathing was far more erratic than usual. "Kaz, sweetheart?" (Y/N) closed in on the boy, arms cautiously open and outstretched. Kaz still didn't notice her. Once more, she stepped towards him. "Kaz, I need you to listen to me, okay?"
His gloved hands were painfully clasped around his shoulders. He couldn't take in anything other than the water and Jordie. Nothing else seemed to be real.
(Y/N)'s hands reached for Kaz's. She didn't know what she was planning on doing, but she knew that she needed to bring him out of the episode fast, for his sanity and hers. "I'm here Kaz." she mumbled, soft hands winding around the leather she had become happily accustomed to. "You're safe. You're here with me." Her words and movements were gradually becoming more frantic. While keeping one hand on his, she brought the other back to herself for a moment. She knew that holding him anywhere else was way past the boundaries they had broken, and although it could possibly help, she wasn't sure if it would make things off between them afterwards.
A broken gasp brought (Y/N)'s attention back to the boy in front of her. Kaz's chest was rapidly heaving, trying to take in unnecessary amounts of air. His already shaking body seemed to increase in speed. She needed to do something, and fast.
(Y/N) knew that even the slightest bit of cold flesh may send him farther into his episode, so she quickly pulled both hands away and started rubbing them together to get some friction. Once they were as warm as she could get them, (Y/N) placed her hands onto his body - the left cradling his neck, and the right caressing his face. She pulled his body tight against hers, resting his head on her clothed chest. From this angle he would be able to hear her madly-paced heartbeat. "Kaz, darling, please." she loudly begged.
In Kaz's head, and behind Jordie's angry yells, he started to hear a steady 'thump'. Warmth enveloped his face and neck, pushing away some of the violent waves.
Soft cries started to leave the girls mouth. She couldn't help the frustrated and scared tears misting over her eyes, or the overly panicked thoughts rushing through her head.
Kaz could feel the waves dying down, but he still couldn't get away from the cold and damp feeling of the death he experienced. The thumping was still a steady tune, pulsing through the back of his conscience. He knew something or someone was there, but he couldn't get away.
"I'm here." her choked words returned to their former softness, but still repeated rapidly, as if speaking them over and over would bring him out of his trance. "Please..."
The thumping grew louder, and faster in pace. Whatever it was, Kaz was sure would burst in minuets. It echoed in his mind, blocking out Jordie's yells - blocking out the smell of sea water and the feeling of water filling his lungs. Then came the call of a soft a familiar voice - one that he could recognize and point out within all of the crowds in Ketterdam. (Y/N). The dark haze started to clear from his mind, letting him take in the sight of the girl holding him.
For a moment everything stopped. It was as if Kaz was someone else - as if he hadn't lost Jordie, or been dumped with the other bodies, or as if he could freely touch anything and anyone he wanted. He felt the soft skin pressing on his neck and face, and subconsciously leaned into it. Fresh tears streamed from his eyes, coming into contact with the soft skin he now adored, and he couldn't help but let out matching whimpers and cries of his own.
A soft gasp sounded from about him, "Kaz!" He could feel the girl start to pull away, the feeling of her warmth leaving his cold body, and he swiftly pulled her back.
"Stay." his broken voice whispered. "I'm sorry." Her heartbeat rang in his ears, proving to him that she was real, not some body he was forcefully sat beside.
"Don't be," she hoarsely muttered. "You have nothing to apologize for. Not to me." Her right hand ran over the rough skin of his cheek, brushing against the small scars that littered the area.
"I do." his voice vibrated against her shoulder. "You shouldn't have to deal with this."
(Y/N) pulled his face away from her, and used her hands to force his stare back in her direction. "Kaz Brekker, don't start with that. I am here - to help, to hold, to get you through the unnecessary suffering. I will be here every step of the way." Her voice never raised above a whisper.
"But-" he started, but (Y/N) cut him off.
"No. I will be here. I will be your tether back to reality, whenever I am needed. I will bring you back to me - back to the crows - back to yourself. We will get through this. One day, things will get better. One day, I will have you, without your armor. But until then, I will be with you every step of the way." (Y/N)'s eyes pierced into his own throughout her entire speech. Her words and look were enough to render Kaz, for the first time, speechless.
Kaz leaned forward, securing himself back into her arms. He didn't know how much longer this moment would last, or how much longer he'd be able to hold her without feeling the need to throw up, but he knew she would wait as long as it took for him to be free of his fears and hold her like this always. He knew that he had her. he finally had his anchor, and he wasn't letting it go.
#reader insert#grishaverse#shadow and bone x reader#netflix shadow and bone#six of crows imagine#six of crows#six of crows x reader#kazzle dazzle#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker#shadow and bone#freddy carter#kaz dirtyhands brekker
800 notes
·
View notes
Text
Evil Twin | Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Floyd!Reader
Summary : Who would have guessed that sweet and discreet Bob had a twin sister who was his opposite ?
Not the Dagger Squad, that's for sure.
TW : mention of past abuse, mention of abusive relationship, mention of alcohol, mention of sex, angst and fluff, angst with happy ending
Length : 6980 words
AN : Bob is the sweetest and I'm sure he's an overprotective brother.
posted on AO3 July 22, 2023
You were the quintessential of the pop-rock star.
You had a lot of problems with the press, both concerning your love life and the setbacks of your ex-band.
The first problem was that you were often seen leaving hotels with different partners : the press loved that you didn't settle down and always made a big deal out of it. You didn't really care, you knew the tabloids always twisted the truth just to sell more garbage. What bothered you was that your mom kept calling you about it, wondering why you couldn't be discreet and serious, have a normal job like your twin; the perfect little Robby, pride and joy of the family. He was in the navy, serving the country, and your father liked to remind you that Robert was doing something useful, something great.
Yet, you didn't care what the public and your family thought of you. You just wanted to play your songs, have fun on stage and in the studio. It was your cop-out after some traumatic experiences you went through in high school.
As for your problems with the band, it was a different kettle of fish.
You were the lead vocalist and guitarist. You loved being on stage, it made you feel powerful, in control. You were backed by three talented but lazy guys about your age. It was your agent's idea to put you in charge of them. And what a great idea.
At first it was fun, you had a good time. But as time went by, their excesses slowed down your rise in the charts. And they wasted all their time, energy and money on the wrong things. Every day, the press had a scoop about them doing something illegal or immoral.
The last one on their list was being seen exiting a bar with underage fans.
Those recent events forced your label to give you a choice; either the whole group was fired or you could continue as a solo artist; your producer and staff knew that you weren't really a troublemaker, so it was a once in a lifetime opportunity for you.
You didn't even hesitate to sign your new contract ; and that led to a new scandal in the press, creating false drama between you and your ex mates.
But as much as you were determined to make a name for yourself, you also needed a break from all the “scandal” that was going on. You made a deal with your producer and new agent: you had one month to come up with at least two singles, while you could go anywhere you wanted to find inspiration and relax.
And what could be more relaxing than the seaside ? The beach, the sun, the salty air, the feeling of being in an eternal summer ? It was perfect.
You booked your flight to San Diego and rented a small beach house on Airbnb.
What could possibly go wrong?
Well, maybe running into your twin brother at the local bar.
The Hard Deck seemed like a pretty chill place and the owner, Penny, was really nice. You spent some evenings there, trying to come up with some lyrics over a Coke.
She was curious and you were happy to share what you were working on, even though you hadn't made any progress. She had that reassuring aura, and talking with her was like talking to an old friend that you knew all your life. She was genuinely interested in what you had to share, and gave you some advice when she could. She also was curious to hear your voice and tried a few times to get you at the piano. You refused politely each time, feeling strangely shy.
It took you a week and a half to work up the courage to go to that piano.
The bar was rather empty, which was unusual for a Saturday night but made it easier for you to convince yourself that it was okay. You discreetly started to warm up your voice and started a version of Your Song - Penny confessed to you it was one of her favorite songs.
In a corner of the bar, by the pool table, a group of pilots were surprised to hear the piano playing at this hour.
"Looks like someone stole your seat, Bradshaw," a tall blond man sneered.
"Looks like it, Seresin." Bradley raised an eyebrow and leaned over to see who had taken his place at the piano. The others gently urged him to join them; after all, he was the musician among the squad. He pretended to be annoyed by their request and joined you for the last chorus.
You were surprised, but smiled quietly and finished your "performance" with him. You made room for him on the little bench, and with a look of approval, you moved on to another song of his choice: Ain't no mountain higher .
The patrons of the bar, who had become more numerous, were delighted to have a private mini-concert. Some of them started to dance, others joined in singing. It was a fun experience.
After the end of the song, you smiled and shook the hand of your partner of a moment and let him enjoy the piano by himself. You made your way back to your stool and asked Penny for a glass of water. You felt a presence next to you and turned a little to see who was there. You easily guessed it was a navy man ; the uniform - talk about obvious -, the perfectly styled hair. You grinned at the tall blond man in front of you.
“So, does that pretty voice have a name ?” asked Jake with a smirk. You rolled your eyes at his flirtatious tone and his pushed Texan accent.
“Well yes actually, I’m-”
“Y/N ?”
You frowned, immediately recognizing the voice that had spoken your name. You easily spotted his surprised face among the other navy people that were close to you and Jake.
"Robert?"
"Don't tell me you're his girlfriend..."
"What? No!" you shouted at the same time, making a few of the others giggle.
"Gross!" you pretended to vomit.
"She's my sister, Hangman," Bob sighed.
"Twin sister, to be exact," you precised.
You couldn't help but giggle at the shocked looks on the faces of who you assumed were his colleagues. He was suddenly flooded with questions, and you enjoyed watching him turn redder and redder. Then they focused on you.
"You two don't look alike at all," Reuben said, scanning you in detail. You rolled your eyes and smiled, leaning against your brother as you poked his side.
"Robert took the height and brains, I took the charm and talent."
Your brother sighed and ran his hand over his neck, slightly embarrassed. His teammates were happy to meet you, especially happy to annoy Bob, and Natasha seemed to realize something.
"Your voice sounds familiar... I've heard it somewhere before... in a band, right?"
" Nemesis ," you smiled and nodded, mentioning your old band, "but I'm solo now. Kept the stage name though."
"Quite a few scandals with that band..." your twin mumbled.
You decided not to pay attention to him. Like your parents, Robert had never understood your career choice, arguing that you were brilliant at school and could have done anything else. Of course you were pretty intelligent but you had fallen in love with music as an outlet for your pain. But your family didn’t seem to accept your way of coping with your traumas.
The rest of the evening went off without a hitch. You got to know your brother's second family. They all had their own personalities, but that's what made them so endearing. Jake invited you to join them the next day, since it was their day off and they wanted to relax at the beach. You gladly accepted.
Robert didn't say much to you, the atmosphere between you was cold and tense. Natasha noticed it, so she joined her WSO to chat.
"What's wrong, Bob? Your sister seems nice and yet you're here, not saying anything to her."
He sighed a little as he watched you chatting and having fun with the others.
"I'm worried about her," he confessed, "she… she hides herself in that personna… that Nemesis …”
“Aren't all artists ? I mean, they wouldn't take a stage name otherwise.”
“I guess… but I’m scared she’s losing herself…” he said softly, glancing at you. He grumbled when he noticed that Jake was flirting with you; and you didn't seem to refuse his advances either. Natasha let out a soft “damn” when Jake slid his arm around you and Bob almost jumped off his seat, mumbling an irritated “that’s it”.
You felt a strong hand gripping your wrist and you were drawn out of Jake’s embrace and out the bar.
“The hell Robby ?” you scoffed once outside, “I was in the middle of a conversation !”
“No you weren’t, you were flirting ! With one of my teammates !”
“First off, he initiated it ! And second, in what world is that your business ? We’re grown ups, I can handle some flirting !”
“Well, first off , you’re my sister and second , Hangman is… he’s not the type to settle down !” he tried to explain himself but you just rolled your eyes.
“Oh my god, you sound just like dad ! Why should I settle down ? I’m having fun, I’m happy that way !” You pinched the bridge of your nose, annoyed. “Stop trying to father me, I’m doing fine since I left !”
“Yeah, you seem real good in the local news,” he mumbles, putting his hands in his pockets. He didn't even look at you as he said those words. You hated it when he did that, always half-assing his thoughts. You couldn’t help but let out a nervous laugh, tilting your head back.
“And now you sound like mom. I can handle my life just fine Robert. I don’t need your concern, let alone your judgment ! I’ve never been better, ok ? Leave me the fuck alone !”
You were lying. You both knew that. He could read into you so easily, it made you sick. Call it ‘twin magic’ or ‘sibling intuition’, you still hated the way his blue eyes looked at you with worry and questions in them, knowing all too well that you were not fine.
You passed him, going back to the bar to get your stuff and pay Penny. Out of spit - and mostly because you wanted to - you handed your number to Jake and left with a smirk. You could hear the squad gently hassle Hangman who proudly showed off the piece of paper you gave him.
A little fun won’t kill you, would it ?
The next day, you joined the Dagger squad on the beach, near the Hard Deck.
They were playing a strange football game ; dogfight football , attack and defense at the same time, Natasha explained to you.
You watched their first round and second, it seemed fun. At least, Bob seemed to have fun. You remembered he was not a teamsport guy younger. He actually hated the fact that your dad made him go to the tryouts for the football team in high school. To his misfortune, he got in. You smiled and sighed remembering those days.
Sometimes, you missed the time you were close to your twin, when you could tell him everything, before it all fell apart in junior year. A cold shiver ran down your spine while you thought back about it. Your life changed so much at that time, you didn’t like to remember it.
Crouching in front of you, Jake snapped you out of your reverie.
“Hey there darlin, care to join us ? We’ll be gentle, promise.” he said with a playful grin. You arched an eyebrow and sneered.
“Oh please, don’t be, I can handle it.”
He laughed and helped you up. You were put in his team against Natasha, Bob, Bradley and Reuben. You were - to your own surprise - pretty fast and efficient. Javy and Jake joked around saying that being stealth had to be running in the family.
You really had fun, even laughing with your brother. You didn’t know who won but you scored the last point of the game, and Jake put you on his shoulders to celebrate before tossing you in the water. “You’re a dead man, Seresin !” you shouted, before laughing. Robert helped you out the water and gave you a towel without a word. You silently thanked him and you all took a water break while deciding what to eat.
Reuben and Mickey volunteered to go get the pizzas and while they did, Natasha proposed a volleyball match. She decided that Bob and you would be in her team and you smiled. Bob couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle ; the two of you loved that sport when you were kids. When you went to your grandma's house for the holidays, you used to play against your cousins. Of course, you kicked their ass. They called you the Evil Twins. Once your heads were in the game, you were unstoppable. And Bradley, Jake and Javy would soon understand why you and Bob were so happy to be on the same team.
The two of you didn’t even need to talk to understand the next move of the other. Even Natasha didn’t really understand what was happening. You won the first, then second, then third match. You laughed at the exasperation of Jake and Javy, Bradley on the other hand was just tired of running around. He quit with Natasha, leaving Jake and Javy to find a strategy to strike Bob and you down.
“Like the old times huh ?” your twin smiled, giving you a bottle of water. You returned the smile and nodded.
“Let’s show them. Evil Twins ?”
“Evil Twins.” He clapped his hands with yours with a grin. Oh, the other two weren't ready for the beating they were about to get.
Javy called it quits after the third set. They lost them all and he was getting tired. Jake was pouting while you jumped on your brother’s back. “Evil Twins for the win !” Natasha laughed. You giggled, while Robert ran around like a doofus, you on his back, taunting Jake.
"Don't tease him too much, you know he's a sore loser!" sneered Bradley.
"Nonsense!" sulked Jake, "I always accept my defeats, except they never happen.”
The rest of the team rolled their eyes, both annoyed and amused.
Reuben and Mickey returned with the pizzas, and the rest of the afternoon was less athletic. Some went for a swim, others played cards in the shade of an umbrella.
You chatted peacefully with Natasha and Jake, Robert never too far away. Strangely enough, you were glad he stayed close. Sometimes he would join in the conversation, but he remained Bob, preferring to watch and listen rather than talk.
It was a nice afternoon, you felt like a teenager on holiday with a bunch of friends. Bradley and Javy started a water fight by grabbing Bob and throwing him in the water. You and Natasha ran at the boys to avenge him and one thing led to another and you all ended up in the water, friendly fighting each other.
The sun slowly got low, the afternoon ending peacefully. You stayed at the bar with the squad, learning more about each one, more about your brother’s ‘new’ life. They told you about their life on base and about the bird strike that Natasha and Bob had suffered from. You scolded your twin because he never told you about it. He defended himself by saying that it was not that big of a deal, but by the looks on the others' faces, you knew he lied.
Part of you was jealous of him. You both left home around the same time, and he seemed so happy now, away from your parents and their intrusive presence, away from your father's demoralizing, degrading and demotivating comments. You couldn't understand how he could be doing so well when you were struggling to find yourself, to be happy. This question echoed in your head and made you feel too much in the room. You excused yourself and went outside for some fresh air. You were pale and shaking, and anxiety was getting the better of you. You tried to ease your breathing and closed your eyes to focus on the sound of the waves in front of you. You could hear the laughter and indescribable conversations in the distance, mingled with the music and singing. It was somewhat peaceful and yet you couldn't calm the flood of painful memories that invaded your mind. Every laugh reminded you of your ex's, every burst of voice a little too loud made you cower. You didn't want to think about it anymore. You wanted to forget everything. You just wanted it to stop. It had to stop. You had to get away from it all. You had to-
“Y/N ? Are you ok ?”
Your brother's gentle voice made everything disappear. You felt yourself breathe again. But you knew it would only be temporary ; because seeing him worried would make you weak and anxious again.
You took a deep, shaky breath before turning to him. You tried to hide the tremble of your voice, and put on a fake smile.
"It's okay... I... I have to go home. Thanks for today, it was fun!"
You passed him in a hurry, still pale and scrapie.
He sighed and bit his lip before summoning his courage.
"What are you running from? You... you looked like you were fine, and then all of a sudden you're running away. "
"Robby, please-"
"What happened?"
"Nothing, I-"
"Did someone say something?"
"No! I just-"
"Did I say or do something wrong? Tell me!"
"Then let me talk for god’s sake !" you clenched your fists then sighed. "You didn't do anything wrong, Robby. It's just that... I can't..." your voice cracked a little and you leaned your head back to hold back your tears. Bob's head tilted in concern and he stepped towards you.
"Can't what? You can't do what?"
You didn't answer, shaking your head. You couldn't put into words the confusion you felt. You searched for words and began to pace back and forth.
"Can't do what Y/N?" Robert insisted gently.
"I... fuck... fuck."
Your voice and your whole body were shaking. It was getting harder and harder to hold back the tears. How could you tell your brother that you envied him and hated that feeling ? How could you envy him for building his life, a life filled with healthy loved ones that were there for him? How could you hold a grudge when he was the one who got you out of your abusive relationship at the risk of his acceptance into the naval academy ?
He took another step towards you, reaching for your hand, but you stepped back.
"Hey, come on, tell me-"
"I can't get over it, okay?! I-I can't figure out how and why you managed to grow up and I'm stuck at 17! Why do I always feel like I'm in pieces, alone, like he 's still running my life, like he 's always there, over my shoulder, no matter what I do?"
"Y/N... it wasn't your fault-"
"I know!!! I fucking know it wasn't my fault!!” you cut him, almost screaming, “I know he 's the one who did this to me, who pretended to love me, who beat the shit out of me and abused me every single day for months! I know all of that ! Then why am I still stuck there ? Why am I the one still struggling?! Why am I the one who feels like a complete failure ? Why can't I let it go?!" your bottom lip was trembling as tears rolled down your face. “Why can’t I just move on ? Why do I always hear dad saying ‘told you so’ or mom sighing every time I mess up ? Why don’t they ever want to talk about what happened but they urge me to just forget about it ?! Why don't they support me ? Why don’t you ?!”
You gasped, trying to catch your breath, before you whimpered and cried like a baby.
Bob stood still for a moment before pulling you into his arms and hugging you. He suspected that the events of your past were still haunting you, but not to this extent. And you felt that he didn't support you... he felt like shit. How could he neglect your feelings so much, how could he act the way he blamed your parents? He let you cry against him for a long moment, swallowing his discomfort. He was the one to blame, and he had to focus on you.
"I... I'm sorry, Y/N. I... I didn't realize that my behavior was hurting you… I'm just worried, and I didn't show it the right way. I'm an idiot."
"A big idiot," you mumbled, sniffling.
"Yes, a big idiot. And I'd really like you to let me help you. We... We have contacts with some really good therapists for post-traumatic stress and stuff... I could give you their numbers?"
You just nodded, your tears finally stopping.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you..." you mumbled. Bob smiled and pinched your side.
"Don't be, I deserved it. I’m sorry I tried to interfere between you and Hangman…"
“He’s actually a sweet guy behind his smug facade, y'know ?” you smiled and chuckled to his falsely doubtful face and the little 'meh' he let out.
As promised, Bob put you in touch with the therapists he'd told you about, and negotiated a longer return period with your agency. You had a full month and a half more. You started to really work on the singles, and your sessions with the therapist were helping. You knew you'd have to keep seeing one when you got home.
But going wasn’t something you wanted to think about.
As the days went by, you didn't want to leave San Diego. Your brother and the Dagger Squad were stationed here permanently, and you needed him in your life.
Him and Jake.
You always thought that the two of you were just a fling, that you or he would get tired of it and move on. But neither of you did. You spent more and more time with him, he'd crash at your Airbnb - uninvited - every now and then with a movie or dinner.
The more time you spent with him, the more you fell for him and you didn't want it to end as a one-night stand, you knew that much.
As you got to dig beneath his proud, cocky, arrogant facade, you discovered a gentle man full of insecurities. He talked about his father, who was not exactly the ideal role model and the fact that he didn’t have the best of relations with him. He talked about his mama, and with the look he had in his eyes, you knew he worshiped the woman ; based on what he shared, you figured Mrs Seresin was more than strong and dedicated to her children. He told you about his sisters, both of them a couple of years older than him, and his nieces and nephews. He loved the munchkins - his terms, not yours - and you saw in his eyes how much he meant it. They were his whole world, but he’d never admit it.
You tried to take your time with him but he had a strange effect on you ; you found yourself opening up to him, faster than you thought.
You'd never told anyone about your abusive relationship - except Robert. And Jake had listened to you without judgment or interruption. He sat there, ready to absorb any information you wanted and were able to share.
So you were torn between your desire to get back to the recording studio in New York, to get back to work, and your desire to stay in the peaceful everyday life you'd created in just a few weeks. You had to go back. You had obligations to keep. Maybe after you fulfilled your part of the contract, you could negotiate and come back to San Diego? This thought was the only thing that kept you working hard. You succeeded in writing three more singles than the agreed two. You were quite pleased with yourself.
And sooner than you realized, you had to go back to New York.
Natasha, with the help of the rest of the team, had organized a little surprise going-away party at the Hard Deck. Penny was in on the secret and had given them the bar to themselves. You loved the surprise and the evening was unforgettable. Bradley had insisted on karaoke, and you dragged your twin along. Robert rolled his eyes, but played along. You had the time of your life and enjoyed every second of this last night with your new friends. They made you promise to call them whenever you could, to think of them and to come back as soon as possible.
They took you home and spent a few more hours with you before letting you rest. But just when you thought everyone was gone, you found Jake on the couch, waiting for you. You felt butterflies in your stomach as you saw him there, his eyes anchored in yours. You detailed his face, as if to remember it after you'd left; his slightly wavy blond hair, those beautiful green eyes, his perfect jawline, his cocky smile. That damn smile that made you weak in the knees like a teenager. God, you hated that smile as much as you loved it.
"Enjoying the view?"
You didn't realize that he had stood up and was now so close to you. A deep blush spread across your cheeks and yet you couldn't take your eyes off him, your gaze locked with his. You bit your lip and grinned.
"So what if I am, big boy?" you teased.
He huffed, amused, and his hand slowly reached for yours, your knuckles brushing. His other hand reached for your cheek, his thumb stroking it tenderly. You leaned into his touch, feeling yourself melt under his gaze. He said nothing, his eyes never leaving you.
"What?" you whispered, your heart beating a little faster.
"That's how I want to remember you."
"Like what? Tipsy and tired?" you laughed a little.
"Na. Happy... relaxed... you look beautiful." Jake whispered back, his cheeks taking on a rosy hue. Your stomach fluttered and you found the courage to interlock his fingers with yours.
"Sounds like I have you under my siren's spell, Lieutenant..." you teased, biting your lip.
"You certainly do, ma'am," he whispered again, the gap between the two of you only a few inches. You felt your confidence slip from your fingers, your eyes on his lips.
"Kiss me..."
It's an almost inaudible beg that escaped you, and you didn't even have time to be embarrassed that you felt him on your lips. The kiss was sweet, tender. You squeezed his hand into yours, and his free one slid around your waist, holding you close.
You wanted the kiss to last forever.
With amazing ease, Jake lifted you against him, his hands going under your thighs. You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. He carried you into the bedroom, his lips exploring yours, your jaw, your neck and your collarbone. Your fingers brushed through his soft hair and soon you felt your back against the mattress.
Your clothes ended up chaotically thrown around the room as you undressed and kissed each other.
The moon gave you just enough light to never lose sight of him. His eyes devoured you before his hands discovered your body. He asked you if you were okay every step of the way, and you never thought being asked for consent could be so arousing.
That night was the best sex you've ever had. It was slow and tender at first, and when you were both comfortable enough, it got rougher, in a good way.
You fell asleep curled up against him, rocked by his heartbeat.
The next morning you woke up alone in bed. Jake left a note on the nightstand, saying he had to go to work early.
"Call me when you can, have a safe flight. PS: Gonna miss you. PPS: If anything happens to you on the flight, I'll hunt the pilot."
You chuckled and tucked the post-it into your notebook. You quickly got ready and Robert took you to the airport.
The ride was rather quiet, neither of you wanting to be separated again. He helped you with your luggage and waited with you until you finally had to go. You hugged him tightly and thanked him for the past weeks.
"Call me when you get there, okay? And don't forget to hydrate. And eat. And..."
"Ok Dad," you joked with a smile, "I'll call you, don't worry. Love you, Robby."
"I love you too. Be safe."
8 months.
You have been stuck in New York for 8 long months.
You did a lot though. A new album, some concerts, some interviews and photo shoots. The 'scandals' in the press disappeared and the journalists finally focused more on your songs.
You video called the Daggers as much as you could - almost every day - and texted a lot with your brother, reassuring him that you continued to see a therapist and that you were doing well under the stress. But the one you called and texted the most was Jake. Every day you had a sweet good morning text, and every night you had an equally sweet good night text.
You missed him.
You missed them all, of course. But Jake Seresin was under your skin. And as hard as it was to admit, you loved him. You couldn't wait to see him again. Of course, no one knew you were together. Natasha seemed to have doubts, and sometimes Bob was somewhat suspicious too but as long as they didn’t ask you didn’t say anything.
8 months of hard work and your agent agreed to let you go to San Diego as he made an arrangement between a recording studio and your label.
You told no one but Penny. You wanted to surprise the team. You had one last show to do in New York and then you would catch your flight to California.
Before the concert, you called your brother, knowing that he would probably be at the Hard Deck with the others, since it was almost 7:00 p.m there. As soon as he answered, you could hear the team around him.
"Wow, look at you Nemesis! You look great!" Natasha said, smiling broadly. You laughed and thanked her when you heard the other whistle and complimented you.
"Not too stressed?" Bob asked as the others calmed down.
"Well, it's the last show for at least six weeks. I’ll try to make it fun!"
"Of course you will," said a voice you recognized immediately.
"Hangman, you look good," you teased as you saw him appear on the screen. You noticed the slight blush on his cheeks as he spotted you in your dress and makeup. He didn't have time to reply that you had to go on stage.
"Ok bye guys, gotta go, love you!" you hung up and had time to see a text message on your phone : 'You better keep that dress'. You smiled. You may have fallen in love with Jake, but you also knew you had him wrapped around your finger.
The show went smoothly, and after a celebratory dinner with your team, you went back to your soon-to-be-outdated apartment. All your things were packed and ready to go. You couldn't wait to move to San Diego. Your flight was at 3 pm in New York and you were scheduled to land in California at 6 pm. Bless the time zone difference, if you were lucky, you could get to the Hard Deck before the team and wait for them.
But since nothing ever goes exactly according to plan, your flight was an hour late. That wasn't too bad, you could still surprise them, you just had to change the way. You contacted Penny and asked her if she could manage to distract them. She agreed and gave you permission to use the back door to be more discreet when you entered. Your excitement was through the roof, you felt like a child on Christmas Day.
By the time your cab reached the bar, your heart was pounding in your chest. You couldn't believe you were finally there, finally where you felt at home. But you had to be reunited with those you considered family to feel completely at home. You almost ran to the back door of the bar, re-reading the instructions Penny had sent you: she'd distract the Daggers by asking them to bring back some heavy beer packs and other beverages, and you could hide discreetly by the pool table.
The perfect plan.
You did as she said, a smile forming on your lips as you heard your friends in the distance. You were stressed, but not in an anxious way, you just couldn't wait. You picked up a pool cue to keep your hands busy. When you finally heard them coming, you bit the inside of your cheek to keep from screaming ‘surprise!’.
The first person to spot you was Mickey. His eyes widened and he stopped dead in his tracks, almost tripping Reuben, Natasha and Javy. They didn't have time to grumble before Mickey pointed at you, speechless.
A small laugh escaped you as they froze in front of you, one after the other. Only Jake, Bradley and Robert were missing. Bradley and your twin were chatting, a little bit behind, and you soon heard Robert's voice.
"Are you guys okay? You look like you've seen a ghost..." His voice became almost inaudible at the end of his sentence, as he realized they were all staring at you.
You smiled at them and tilted your head.
"Are we playing, or are you afraid of losing?" you asked with a bit of a laugh. Natasha couldn't hold back her laughter and almost ran to hug you. "It's good to see you again, Mini Floyd."
The others came right after to greet you, hugging you and sometimes lifting you off the ground. You laughed, happy to see them again. Your twin was still frozen, not believing his eyes. You scooted up to him and pinched his cheeks. "Good evening Robby, did you-"
You didn't even have time to finish your sentence before he pulled you into his arms. You smiled and hugged him as tightly as you could, small tears of joy escaping from both of you.
"It's good to see you," he finally said, "Missed your stupid face.”
"Oh I know you did, you can't live without me dearest brother !" you chuckled.
You caught up with everyone, admitting that you were on a break, but not telling them that you were here for good. You wanted everyone to be here to make that announcement but someone was missing.
You paid for your round of beers - and sparkling water for Bob - and went looking for Jake. Why wasn't he here?
Penny grinned as she noticed the look on your face. "Don't worry Y/N, he's just on the phone with his sister. One of his nephews' birthdays, I think."
"Thanks Pen- Wait, what are you-"
"I know everything dear, he talks too much for his own good if you ask the good questions."
"How did you find out?" you whispered, making sure no one was listening.
"Well, it wasn't really hard. Some of your interviews or shows have been aired," she pointed at the old TV, "and the calls you made ; he just had that look in his eyes. I can tell when a man is head over heels. He certainly is."
You blinked and shook your head in disbelief. Of course she'd guessed; Penny knew the squadron like her own children. She chuckled and handed you another beer. “Go surprise him.”
You smiled and nodded, heading to the front door. Your heart fluttered when you finally heard Jake’s voice. It was hushed but you could feel his smile through his soft laughter. You waited for him to end his call, still hidden by the door. You bit back a chuckle when you heard him saying goodbye to the kids with a baby voice. It was ridiculously adorable.
“Hello stranger, does that pretty voice have a name ? ”
He was a bit startled and turned to you hastily, not believing his ears. A surprised expression appeared on his face, but a flirtatious smile quickly took its place.
"That's my line, baby."
"Oh really? Supposed I forgot," You grinned proudly and took a step towards him, "Did ya miss me, big boy?"
He grinned and grabbed your waist, sending a sweet shiver down your spine. "Not as much as you missed me."
You rolled your eyes in amusement and set the beer you had brought him aside. You took a moment to just drown in his green eyes, the light of the sunset making them look surreal. How could he be so handsome ?
He was quite speechless to have you here, it made you smile. Jake was always so talkative, it was strange to have him so quiet around you.
"Cat got your tongue, Seresin?"
He chuckled and stroked your cheek. "Why don't you check?"
You smiled and finally kissed him. You had waited 8 months for this feeling and it was just so good. His soft lips against yours, his strong hands on your waist, fingers digging lightly into your flesh. You put your hands on his neck, parted your lips to let his tongue reach for yours. One of his hands slid up to cup your cheek and you leaned into his touch as the kiss ended.
"I have to admit, I missed that," he whispered with a grin, his forehead pressed gently against yours. You huffed and rolled your eyes, "Told you I had you under my spell."
He laughed and kissed the nape of your neck, holding you close. You smiled and stroked his hair before stepping back. "Let's join the team before ‘Tasha gets suspicious."
You took his hand and headed inside, eager to tell your friends the big news.
You missed the atmosphere of the Hard Deck. The soft songs from the jukebox, the always nice patrons, your favorite people at the pool table or playing darts... everything was so comforting. Your smile widened when you reached the Daggers, dragging Jake with you.
"Look who I found outside," you teased, "good old Hangman.”
"Ah, you should have let him out," Bradley sneered, sipping his beer.
“Real funny Bradshaw, I know you already missed me.”
You let the two men fight like two children and when you noticed Natasha's eyes on your hand in Jake's, you blushed a little. She grinned and whispered something to Reuben. You could read a little 'damn it !' on his lips as he frowned.
"Okay guys, Javy and I won! The bet is over!"
"What? No!" Bradley was outraged. He grumbled and handed Natasha a bill.
"Wait a minute, what bet?" your twin asked.
"Well, my dear Bob, it seems that our little Jake and your sister... are together."
You blushed and wanted to hide, not knowing how your brother would react. Jake was already arguing with Javy, telling him he was a traitor for betting on it, since he had confided in him on the subject.
"Oh, I've known for a while," Robert said simply with a smile.
"What?!" you huffed, letting go of your boyfriend's hand to face your twin. "What do you mean you knew?"
"Well, for starters, Jake stayed with you the night before you went back to New York. And you hid the hickey he left on your neck badly. Then I got suspicious when every time we ended our video calls, he got one in the next two minutes; and he's not the most discreet when he's on the phone. But I knew it when he bought that really nice necklace and asked me, of all people, for advice. A week later you were wearing it. So yeah, I knew," he shrugged with a smile, laughing a little at your expression. "What? I just thought that neither of you were ready to tell anyone? But you seem happy so it's okay."
You were surprised. You didn't think he'd take it so well, but you weren't going to complain.
So the evening began with a secret revealed. You didn't hesitate to stay close to Jake, even ending up on his lap when the bar was full. You listened to their adventures from the last few months - at least what they were allowed to share.
It was good to be with them again, to find that comfort.
After Mickey bought his round, he turned to you.
"Well, let's ask the burning question: how long are you staying?"
"To tell you the truth... I'm not leaving. I'm moving into my little house 10 minutes from here tomorrow," you smiled.
"And you didn't tell me?!" said Jake and Bob at the same time, making them blush under the laughter of the others.
"I wanted to surprise you! I've got a new deal with my label, so I can stay here."
"Cheers to that! To the definitive return of Y/N Nemesis Floyd," Bradley decreed, raising his beer.
You all laughed and toasted each other, happy with the news.
All was finally well.
You had finally found your place, and you wouldn't change it for the world.
#top gun maverick#top gun imagine#post movie top gun maverick#twin brother!bob floyd#robert floyd#jake seresin x reader#jake seresin#bradley bradshaw#natasha trace#penny benjamin#javy machado#mickey garcia#reuben fitch#pov second person#angst with a happy ending
219 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pick a Card: Which patterns or beliefs do you need to release?
I still have a few free readings to go through but I felt like doing on of those pick a card/pile reading because ngl I consume a lot of them recently and they surprisingly work..?
Topic of the day is: Which patterns or beliefs do you need to release?
I don't care about likes are reblogs, but if you could tell me what pile you got and if it resonated, that'd be great!
How does it work?
Look at the picture, select the one that draws you in the most and go read your pile. Take what resonates and leave out the rest. These readings are meant for multiple people so all details might not resonates with your situation.
PILE 1
Cards: 9 of Swords + 7 of Cups; 3 of Cups + The Ocean; First Light: "Beginning a new Cycle" + Aletheia: Truth
There is an intense sense of inner worry, tension and despair, might even keep you up at night or give you nightmares. You have a tendency to daydream or over-focus on various things as a way to distract yourself from the situation. Like a magpie going for one shiny thing to the next, never feeling fully satisfied or stopping to settle mentally anywhere. You running away from your feelings as a coping mechanism and indulging in escapist tendencies.
The pattern in question seems to be excessive indulgence, may be partying. I see something that involves more than you, in any case. Perhaps you are using relationships/social stuations or substances. Either that, or I'm getting that some of you might be stuck in a toxic relationship or some kind.
I see you drowning yourself in harmful behaviors or situations in order not to face your emotions, over-relying on your ego, in other words, staying on the surface of the waters of your self and avoiding to look inside the murky waters.
The advice on how to release is to accept that a new cycle is starting, which implies the death of something old and rotten and the beginning of something new. Face your fears of the unknown and embrace the new cycle you are called to step into. Winter is melting away and spring is just around the corner, as long as you're willing to step into it!
You need to reconnect with your deeper self, face your own truth in order to embrace a life of authenticity and a greater sense of health (mental, emotional and physical). How are you lying to yourself? Don't make excuses, don't gaslight yourself. There is a sense that you not only need to realize that, but you also need to make a act of truth. That can be changing your behavior or acting towards something that's good for you.
PILE 2
Cards: Temperance (reversed) + 8 of Wands (reversed); 7 of Wands + Kairos "Mythical Time" + The Threshold (reversed) + The Lovers (reversed); The Chariot (reversed) + Wise Leader "You are a beacon for others"
You are currently feeling completely depleted and in need of a good rest. You also feel like there is no movement in your life, that you are stagnant, unmotivated and exhausted. You balance is out of whack and no matter what you do it seems you can never bring your energy levels back up.
The pattern to be released is your stubbornness to fight through everything with sheer willpower alone, which is not possible since your inner fire is depleted. You are also in some way trying to prove other people something but it's suffocating you. There is a sense that you are fighting against the timely order of things, that you are not accepting that some things take time and patience to progress and change. You are being asked to change your ways but there is a great rigidity coming from you when it comes to that. The Lovers here I think indicate a choice of you to do things differently that you are refusing to make, which causes disharmony and imbalance between the different parts of yourself. Perhaps the core issue is also you trying to keep a balance between you and other people, but it's a very toxic situation because you are sacrificing yourself in the process.
You can face this pattern by releasing your underlying fear of failure that is pushing you to run yourself on overdrive. There is also a sense that you are indecisive and struggling to make the choices that will bring back into balance (also indicated by the Lovers). I get the sense that your restless energy is making you run around in circles, completely wasting your sense of direction.
The overall advice is to grab the reins of your life, be your own leader and stop trying to please others and compare yourself to unattainable standards. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost, listen to your own rhythm. Life is not a race and you've got time to figure your shit out, but you need to heal yourself first.
PILE 3
Cards: 2 of Wands + Queen of Wands; 7 of Swords (reversed) + The Temple + The Underworld; Page of Cups (reversed) + Choosing your Path "All is possible" + Wondrous Universe "Walk in Beauty"
Just a heads up but I feel like this is the spiritual pile.
Your current situation is that you are seeking something that is missing, be it some type of truth about yourself or the universe. However it seems you are not in possession of your own power and you are looking in the wrong direction. The Queen of Wands is a really strong card signifying personal wisdom and power, but in this position, it's like you don't see it and you're giving it away. The cat is the only one who's looking forward so I get that deep down you know that something is not right, but it's buried deep within in the darkness.
When it comes to the pattern at hand, it seems you are not listening to your own inner voice and relying too much on external advice which might be misleading. Again, with the Temple I'm getting that you are looking in the wrong direction, that you are not listening to yourself and your own guidance but rather focusing on something that is untrue for you. Perhaps even you are relying on your spirituality too much and it's making you lose touch with your physical life. The Underworld signals being in denial about the warning signs about this situation and that you are avoiding walking on your own path.
The advice on how to release that pattern is to stop over-relying on external spiritual wisdom. You might need to detach yourself from a negative influence.
Remember that you are free and that you should not accept the rules and expectations placed on yourself by others. You need to move forward and embrace the infinite form of goodness of life that you seem to have forgotten. Reclaim your power. There is beauty all around and within you and it's time to see it. Reconnect with the wonders of life, of nature, of love in all its form. Only then you'll be able to move foward again.
PILE 4
Cards: Justice + The Sun + Ace of Pentacles (reversed); The Moon + The Mirror; 3 of Pentacles (reversed) + Ascending the Mountain "Keep going forward" + Wise Leader "You are a beacon to others"
It seems you are struggling to make a decision and seizing the opportunities offered to you. I get a sense that you are overly positive about something in a slightly delusional way and you are struggling to have a balanced outlook on your situation, which is making you miss out on something else that's actually beneficial for you. The Sun is usually a super positive card but in this context, I feel like the light is so bright that what you see is becoming hard to see and out of focus.
What needs to be released is signified by the Moon, which again speaks of illusions cast by yourself and your beliefs. This is also shown by the mirror. Mirror can shatter and distort reality, so I think this is really speaking of something you're currently doing or believing that is not real. You are failing to see the truth of the situation.
The way to release that is to realize that you need to be willing to open up, be truthful with yourself and learn from your mistakes. All hope is not lost though, far from that! You have the strength to carry through, you just need to find the determination to move forward and put in the work and diligence. You might not make a linear progress and feel like you're making three steps forward and two steps back, but you must continue regardless.
Don't hold back and honor your truth. There is a well of wisdom within you but you need to be willing to tap into in, be brave, and make the decision to shatter the lies you either tell yourself or are being told. At the end of the day you are the one in charge, you are the one in power, but you need to learn to be truthful, authentic, and make informed decisions.
103 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi!
From someone who is disorganized and discouraged, I would love advice on weight-lifting/building muscle. Would you share your understanding of building muscle and the breakdown of diet?
If possible, could you share how you apply what you know to yourself? If you use any tools to help you?
Struggled with working out, gaining weight, and eating my whole life. Thanks!
prefacing this with some important info for fellow disorganized scatterbrains!!!!
the main reason why ppl have trouble sticking to a lifestyle change is because they try to make very drastic changes too quick, and you get overwhelmed and it becomes unsustainable. this is especially an issue for neurodivergent folks, and since it's Tumblr I assume a good chunk of y'all are (me too dw)
DON'T immediately overhaul ur diet and hit the gym 5x a week from day 1!!! hitting tiny goals consistently is also more rewarding than working towards one very large arbitrary goal that you might not reach, esp when it comes to working out. start veeery small if u need to, such as only 10 bodyweight squats per day like i did and go from there. you wanna program ur brain into feeling accomplished to keep you motivated. patience is key!!!!
ok!! now onto the more detailed info below
Disclaimer: I'm still a newbie myself!! only consistently lifting heavy for about 3 months as of this post. I did a good deal of excessive info diving on lifting using the power of Sheer Autism, and my main gym buddy is very experienced & taught me a good chunk of this shit so shout-out to my pal for making all this possible xoxo
so good news!! "building muscle" is very easy for beginners starting from zero. newbie gainz are absolutely real. at this stage you can do just about anything at the gym and get stronger bc u can only go up. BUT!! if you structure it, you can make the process enjoyable and much more efficient. if you're goal oriented (lookin at u ADHD menaces), you'll love the concept progressive overload.
PROGRESSIVE OVERLOAD & SETS/REPS
wikipedia defines progressive overload as: a method of strength training and hypertrophy training that advocates for the gradual increase of the stress placed upon the musculoskeletal and nervous system.
in layman's terms, it just means gradually adding more weight as you work out to increase the difficulty as you get stronger. progress is VERY easy to track because of this, and you'll be hitting PRs pretty much every week for the first couple of months and that shit feels fantastic because you physically feel yourself getting stronger so rapidly. I use the app Strong to track my workouts.
so, how do we structure progressive overload? that's through sets/reps.
A rep is a single execution of an exercise. 1 squat is one rep. 2 squat is 2 reps. and so on.
A set is a collection of reps.
The format is Sets x Reps, for example: 3x5 means 3 sets of 5 reps.
You will rest between sets, and it's typically anywhere from 1 minute all the way up to 5 minutes depending on the level of exertion/type of training you are doing. Heavier weights mean longer rest periods and vice versa.
WHERE DO I EVEN START??
For those interested in barbell training: the r/fitness beginner routine is pretty good! I also recommend 5x5 stronglifts. both are very straightforward, but also note the typical olympic barbell is 45lbs. If this is a weight you struggle with, you can begin with bodyweight exercises, dumbbells, or machines at the gym which are all very BEGINNER beginner friendly. especially when it comes to legs you're probably much stronger than you think. Most people can squat 45lbs first try. don't be afraid -- you're standing on those things all day, they can support hella weight.
Like I mentioned earlier, don't be afraid to start veeeery small and work your way up from there. I started at home with doing only bodyweight squats without the barbell, then added on benching with light 7lb dumbbells after a week, then impulse signed up for a gym membership a month later and began to go there to use equipment and now i'm deadlifting over 100lbs as a tiny girl that previously was too weak to even lift a 40lb dog. it snowballs quicker than you think once you gain confidence in your own body and its abilities!
WOAH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SQUAT/DEADLIFT/BENCH/THIS IS SCARY AND IM FUCKING UP
If you can, i highly recommend getting a personal trainer to assist you, or tag along with a gymrat pal to show you the ropes. This page is also a good resource to learn specific lifts. otherwise, youtube is your best friend. you can record your sets and compare your form to form tutorials on youtube, and actively take notes on what to change the next time you work out. Be an active learner!!! be aware of what muscles are engaged when you lift and how your body feels.
almost NOBODY gets it right the first time, esp with barbells. we've all made fools out of ourselves at the gym as beginners it's chill. i find people at the gym are very nice and willing to help you out if you're struggling, and people don't judge at all-- it's very easy to get in your own head in these spaces but most humans there are supportive and want you to succeed, especially since it's a hobby they are also passionate about. the more you do it, the less anxious you get. exposure therapy is very effective!!
Also, almost all the barbell exercises can be replaced with smaller dumbbells, and you can do them at home if you get your own set + a workout bench (pretty cheap if u get secondhand, check facebook marketplace/craigslist). i got mad social anxiety myself so i understand sometimes you just can't, and this is an option for those that find public spaces overwhelming.
DIET
I personally don't think specialized diets/precise macro tracking is super duper important for newbies/casuals, only moderately important (spicy take for some but whatever). but you probably naturally will take an interest in diet once you realize it'll help you perform significantly better in the gym. the only macro i track is protein.
You can use a TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) calculator to roughly estimate the amount of protein you need for maximum gainz. it's usually around .7-1g of protein for every pound of lean body mass (weight that isn't fat mass). Imma be real it's pretty hard for me to hit the recommended protein goal and most days I don't because my appetite just can't kick in for the amount it demands, and protein is super filling. I found that if i decreased the amount of carbs i eat, i am able to consume more protein bc i guess there's more room in my stomach lol.
i eat a fuck ton of greek yogurt, chicken, fish, and tofu. when i started working out, i begin cooking a lot more and found i naturally craved less processed junk foods and snacks because the protein was keeping me full all day which is a plus! Even when im not regularly hitting my protein goal my gym progress is still going well and I think it's simply because my diet is A LOT better than what it used to be in my gremlin days.
I also eat a lot more now that i've gained a bit of muscle, so do be prepared for food costs to go up as your metabolism increases and demands more energy to upkeep your gainz.
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR ME TO LOOK LIKE A MUSCLE MOMMY????
a whileeee. over a year, probably, unless if you're on anabolic steroids (dont ever do that u will quite literally die). and physique is mostly from diet since it's dependent on your body fat percentage, the saying "abs are made in the kitchen" is true. its why you see hyper skinny terminally indoors gamer dudes with abs, even if they'd snap in half if you farted in their general direction. those mfs barely eat they too busy being gamers
i am no longer interested in lifting for aesthetics personally since i get more joy from hitting PRs and i'm pretty content with my body image, but ik physique is the reason why most people get into lifting so i'll touch on it.
Weightlifting on its own will not make you lose weight or fat. Again, it needs to be supplemented with a healthy sustainable diet (DO NOT DO CRASH DIETS THAT SHIT IS GARBAGE) and a form of cardio.
I actually gained 8lbs since I began lifting from water retention & new muscle mass (muscle is more dense than fat, your body retains water when repairing muscle after a gym sesh) but my measurements and pants size have remained the same. I'm short, so something as small as a 5lb increase usually bumped me up a pants size but it didn't this time bc im gettin swole :') if you want to track physique changes, measuring your waistline & progress pics is a better way to do so than the scale.
If you want bigger muscles, look into hypertrophy training. it's a tad different from strength training, mainly because you do higher reps at a lower weight.
384 notes
·
View notes
Text
-> Pansear ; any pronoun ; genderfluid bisexual (taken) ; Neurodivergent ; 21 ; April 9 ; Local Filipino
-> GAD and MDD (Please be patient with me, thank you)
-> If I blocked you(usually because you blocked me first or because I thought your account was a bot) and you wish to be unblocked, please lmk on an alternate account or friend.
Welcome to my blog. There's lots of important stuff under keep reading. So if you care and have the time, do read.
-> Hello. I'm Pansear. I have done stupid shit but also cool shit, and stupid cool shit. My stupid shit don't mean I'm being malicious- I think most of the time I was just silly or very emotional about it. I really like to draw, play specific video games, and enjoy animated content like movies and cartoons. I think animals are cool, plants are cool, sharks and aquatic creatures are cool, and for some reason I really like vending machines (I think they are exciting). I like to make food and eat them, and even draw them. I like video game music and music with guitars and bass in them. I really like plushies and collect those of my favorite characters.
-> Oh and speaking of Favorite characters... They're my blorbos alright and sometimes I accidentally project onto them. These blorbos include: Werewolf Cookie (Cookie Run), Legoshi (Beastars; look I even share birthdays with him!), Nick Wilde (Zootopia), Plague Knight (Shovel Knight), Artificer and Hunter (Rain World), Ichimatsu Matsuno (Osomatsu-san), Foxy the Pirate (FNAF), Pinkie Pie (MLP), Spamton (Deltarune), and a bunch of goth/edgy backstory and generally edgy/tired old men from Pokemon like Nanu and Larry. I could go on more but just know that if the character looks like they deserve some sort of hug, 90% of the time they're likely my most favorite character.
-> A troubled person trying to get by in college. Currently seeking therapy and found support with many lovely individuals (my friends!) and making some form of progress to fix myself. My primary form of coping is drawing and making stories where the characters fight similar struggles as mine (They are essentially my Earthbound Flying Men). This is one of the reasons why I make a lot of art and draw fast- It is not to chug out content- I just draw fast and a lot. Well... I used to draw fast, but with the advice of many, I'm taking it easy.
-> I also like to play video games and listen to music repeatedly until I get bored to help cheer me up. I do not want to go into detail about my trauma and its details and progression shouldn't be everyone's priority to know. I'm here in the internet to have fun and maybe earn incentives along the way, and whenever I get tired, I dock out until I feel better.
-> I'm not looking for attention, especially those that spout negativity. Let me know of anything that concerns you and don't be afraid to be honest. I don't want to hurt people, but I will bite if prompted or cornered. I apologize if my episodes do leak out and cause worries, and I apologize that I may go on manic, narcissistic and overzealous tangents at times. It may be hard to control my emotions, but it doesn't excuse it.
-> Most things I say are gender neutral and loose. Don't take everything too seriously. Sometimes my distinctions in art and portrayals are not clear to people so please browse with an open mind. I also might not know certain subjects for cultural and personal reasons, so if you wish to educate me on some manners, please do- I never mean anything malicious in my work. Feel free to request tags.
-> Everyone has the right to share and use my art anywhere as long as I am credited. (there are some exceptions to this such as using them for monetary purposes or using them for malicious intent)
-> For anyone who is willing to be patient, kind, and understanding of me, thank you. You make my journey less scary. I hope it isn't weird to say "I love you" platonically, and to a stranger nonetheless! I think, even on brief times, everyone deserves a form of appreciation, especially for taking the time to read all of this, haha. I have done a lot of mistakes in the past, and people who are mature and understanding of the such are to be treasured. I truly believe it is important to know that everyone here is only human, who all went through different experiences and learning journeys, and you are only human too.
🌈Links
-> Commissions CLOSED
-> Support me (Ko-fi)
-> Support me (Patreon)
-> ✨Patreon Supporters List✨
-> Linktree
-> Carrd
🌈Content Resources
-> Rain World Shipping Name Masterlist (semi-outdated)
-> Rain World Art Archives
-> Rain World Emotes F2U
-> My First Artihunter Comic
-> Rain World Anthro AU Series
-> Follower Contract (funny)
~Common Blog Tags and their meanings~
#my art - A majority of art I made use this tag.
#gift - Stuff made for me and sometimes for other people. Sometimes the gift comes from the creation of it, so some posts can have that too if I find that criteria.
#my anthro au, #anthro au - My Rain World Anthro AU uses these tags. The former is the new one that specifies my au in particular. The older tag is mixed in with other anthro aus people have.
#oc - Occasional posts containing my very original stuff.
#thoughts - Posts that have my random rambles. Somewhat unimportant but my mind works like that. However, since my second personal blog, these posts will be less frequent.
#rw shipping, #shipping - As most of you know, I am a shipper and I actively participate in doing it. My blog is filled with shipping content and I'm very vocal about #artihunter . This is not the only thing I do though, but if you do not wish to see it, I would tag such posts as this so people can filter them. Please lmk if I forget to tag.
#vent - This and the self harm tags used to be prevalent in this blog. I realized that these are things that shouldn't be revealed so publicly, and in front of the potentially vulnerable. This MIGHT come in rarely, but I'm hoping that not anymore from here on out. I'm sorry to those who witnessed such tags.
Occasionally, this blog may tackle sensitive and more mature topics (which would be tagged as such). This does not mean this blog is completely full of that. If you have any issue with them or if you wish for me to tag them, please let me know!
Out of everything, thank you for supporting my content and acknowledging my humanity, sincerely.
I have more to say. If you are willing to hear it.
520 notes
·
View notes
Text
-🎃Scares and a Sudden Friendship🪓-
yes i am aware it is no longer halloween and it is now december. after this oneshot i will exclusively focus on winter themes, but i just HAD to get this idea out. Horror belongs to Sour Apple Studios.
Reader goes by They/Them pronouns as always. 🧡
Warning for swearing!
Horror goes by Sans here since this is in a Horrortale Post-Pacifist exclusive timeline.
It's a cold Halloween night.
You and your boyfriend decided to go to a Haunted House for the occasion after you finally managed to pester him enough.
"C'mon, c'mon! Hurry up!" You walk hurriedly along the sidewalk in your shark onesie, spotting the closest Haunted House that's covered in decorations, lights, and signs. Your boyfriend following slowly behind.
"I'm coming, jeez. I don't get why you get so excited over all this. We're grown now. This is kid stuff." He looks bored, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He didn't even dress up for the occasion, just wearing his normal fall clothes to keep warm.
"Hey, Halloween is fun for all ages." You point at him accusingly. "Besides, we can finally have some fun together tonight! You've been so busy doing your own stuff and I've missed you a lot, so this is a perfect chance to-"
"Yeah yeah..let's just get this over with. Maybe if we're lucky we can get some candy little kids dropped." He stomps on some old wrappers. Jeez..such a buzzkill. Oh well, he won't ruin your fun in here! You're sure his mood will turn around once you both get inside.
You both reach the entrance, you practically bouncing with excitement while your boyfriend seems to be distracted by some of the scare actors passing by.
You're both eventually let in after signing a slightly concerning waiver, walking inside. You admire the decorations and care put into the environments, occasionally having little jumps when animatronics pop out at you which just results in laughter afterwards. Your boyfriend on the other hand looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here, rolling his eyes at some of the scares and pulling out his phone at one point.
Truth be told, the last few months haven't been..ideal with him. You've hardly had any time together and when you finally do he just ignores you or seems like he doesn't want to be there. You've started to wonder if he even really wants to be your partner anymore..
You shake your head. Now is not the right place to be thinking about that. You should be having fun!
You greet some of the scare actors, having more fun than fear. You assume this is what happens to most people with Bravery souls. There's a large variety of them, some monsters, some humans. All of them doing a very good job!
You both make your way through an escape room section, you doing most of the work. You finally find the key, unlocking the door.
"Here we gooo, next room, woo!"
"Yaaay."
The next room you enter is filled with props like mannequins and hanging objects that are meant to look like ghosts.
You cling to your boyfriend's arm, feeling unsettled as you both progress. He actually seems to tense up this time as well, looking around. It's quiet in the room..you feel a chill go down your spine.
You make your way down a small hallway that leads into the next area, jolting when a tall monster jumps out at you both with a fake hatchet. You jump back, your boyfriend screams, pushes you aside and..runs off. Without you.
You stare in the direction he ran off in, eyes wide in disbelief.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" You put your hands on your head, feeling tears start to prick at the corners of your eyes.
He just..left you.
He ran off without you in a scary unfamiliar location.
He abandoned you.
You try to hold back your tears when a bony hand rests on your shoulder. You look up to see the scare actor lifting up his mask, revealing eyelights with one empty and the other having a bright red circle in it, focusing on you.
"...don't waste your tears over that guy. 's okay." His voice is deep, a comforting sound to hear in a way. It's oddly soft despite his sharp appearance. You try not to look at that large cracked hole in his head. He probably appreciates that.
He raises up the other hand, wiping your tears away.
"I am so breaking up with him."
"yikes. that guy's your boyfriend? some partner, leaving your datemate in an unfamiliar place alone."
"Not anymore. I'm dumping him."
"good call."
"..Could you maybe..show me where the exit is? I don't really have the drive to go through here all by myself." You hold your arm shyly.
"i'll do you one better." He holds out his prop hatchet, handing it to you.
You look at it then at him, raising a brow.
"let's go scare the shit out of him."
You grin wide, taking the hatchet from him as he goes to pull his mask back down.
The two of you run out of the room and the moment you spot him you start SPRINTING, the skeleton following close behind.
The moment he finds the exit the two of you burst out laughing, taking a few seconds to compose yourselves.
"So..I'm gonna be removing his number from my phone..any chance I could have yours, stranger?" You point finger guns at him.
He seems surprised for a moment, before simply lifting his mask back up and smiling.
"just call me sans. nice to meet'cha." He gives you his number and you make sure to save it.
"You too, Sans. Would you like to..I dunno, go get coffee or something? I'd like to get to know you."
"i wouldn't mind. how does tomorrow sound?"
"Great."
The two of you smile at each other before Sans' boss tells him to get back to work, and you wave goodbye before sending a text to your boyfriend to tell him you want to talk.
Part 2
#horror sans x reader#sleeplessflower's halloween oneshots#horrortale sans x reader#horror sans#horror!sans
119 notes
·
View notes
Text
long to be home. (intro)
pairing: huang renjun x female!reader
series genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, eventual smut
word count: 2.1k words
chapter warnings: fluff, light angst, reader is an aspiring writer, renjun being the best bf ever, mark talking about his dick for a second, nothing else really.
the page on the computer screen remained blank, like your thoughts as you tried to remember any childhood memories. you threw your head back groaning, trying to rattle your brain for any sort of progress. giving up, you opened the facetime app on your computer and dialled the only person who can help in this scenario.
"hey sexy," your high school best friend says as she answered the phone. "to what do i owe the pleasure?"
just hearing her voice instantly made you burst into tears. "i'm trying to write but i am fucking clueless. i'm trying to put together my childhood but it's so blurry. i can see it but i can't at the same time. it's so stupid but i'm so fucked. my brain is absolutely fried." you blurt out, holding your head in your hands.
"woah, wait. is this about your show that you're writing? the one about your life?" lia asks, confused and concerned at this sudden outburst bringing the phone closer to her face.
you nodded your head, pushing your hair away from your face and now properly looking at the camera. "yes. i'm like.. stuck. i'm not getting anywhere cause i can't remember all the details." you huffed after taking a deep breath in, trying to calm yourself down. "i'm getting so frustrated."
lia nodded her head before pulling a naughty smirk at the camera. "you know what i think?" she asked.
"what?"
"i think you need to come home. you've been gone for too long and can't remember anything. you need a memory refresher. and a holiday to come see me." she said, looking pretty proud of her suggestion.
you let out a chuckle, shaking your head at her. "i'd love to but i can't just drop everything and come over."
confusion flashed over lia's face. "why not? don't you have like a whole month off? and doesn't renjun get a two week break soon?" she asked, making a very valid point.
you thought about it. a trip back home to australia with your boyfriend and getting to see your best friend after four years. sounds great in theory but.. "i mean, i'm not sure. i don't know if i'm mentally rea- '' you started to talk and tear up but was cut off by the sound of the keypad to the apartment being used.
"shit, i gotta go. i'll keep you updated. talk to you soon!" you quickly exclaimed, shutting the lid of the laptop. you quickly wiped the tears away from under your eyes and smoothed out your hair as if you weren't about to rip it out moments before.
"y/n? you here, my love?" you hear your boyfriend, renjun, call out for you. you quickly jump out of the desk chair and walk out into the living area to see him and the rest of the dream members.
"hey guys, i'm sorry for staying for so long. i lost track of time. i'll head out now so you guys can rest up after working hard today." you explained, jolting your fist in a little 'fighting' sign as you look around at them all.
mark shook his head and asked, "what are you talking about? it's movie night! it's my pick tonight. plus rina will be over soon."
your face dropped a bit, knowing that you weren't in the right headspace to be around the boys. you just wanted to go lie in your own bed and contemplate the previous conversation you had with lia.
renjun's eyebrows furrowed as he scanned your face, coming closer and grabbing your hand. "have you been crying?"
feeling called out, you mirrored his expression. "no? what makes you think that?" you ask defensively.
his face remained firm, giving you a look that showed he knew you were lying. "your nose is red. that is such a tell tale sign for you crying."
you muttered a quiet 'shit' under your breath and tugged his arm that was still attached to your hand towards the front door. "can we go on a walk please?" you say, the room falling completely silent out of nosiness and concern. renjun silently nodded and followed you out of the front door and into the elevator.
the elevator ride down was silent. it was silent until the two of you walked out of the lobby and down into the street. "should we go to the park?" renjun asked, squeezing your hand that he has not let go of since he first grabbed it. you nodded, slightly swinging your hands together.
after walking quietly for about five minutes, the two of you reached the park and sat on a familiar park bench that you and the boys go to often.
renjun let go of your hand and grabbed a seat first, putting his arm over the back of the bench as if he was inviting you to cuddle into him. you flashed him a shy smile and sit next to him, throwing your legs over his lap and snuggling into him.
he has yet to say anything. he's learned over the year of being with you that you'll open up when you're ready and not to rush you.
it took a few moments before you found the courage to speak up, "i want to go home."
"but we were just at home?"`
"no. 'australia' home."
"okay."
you stared at him, puzzled. "that's it? you're okay with that?"
he nods his head, grabbing your hand. "i'm okay with it. the real question is are you okay with it? are you ready to go back?"
and that's exactly why you're stuck. you had thought about going home a lot recently, even before lia brought it up. the last few years in australia were life changing to say the least. you knew you'd go back eventually and face the past but not this soon. but over the last few days, you've realized it's something you must do in order to move on.
"honestly, renjun? no, i am so scared. but it's something i need to do." you answered, shakily while leaning on his shoulder.
you felt him nodding his head with a small 'mhm..' vibrating through his body. "may.. may i ask what's brought this on all of a sudden?"
you turn your head up to look at him, faces close together. "i've been trying to write but it's almost like i have writers block. except with my childhood memories. i can't seem to remember a lot. it started a few days ago. i thought about going home once. but then i thought about it again and again. then i called lia.. and she suggested the same thing. i think it's time. it's kind of bittersweet, thinking about going home. part of me longs to go back home but the other part is scared shitless." you rambled.
renjun peered down at you, looking between your eyes. "alright baby. it's no problem. we'll go back to the dorms and figure out the logistics soon."
you nodded at the start of his suggestion but looked at him confused as he finished it. "soon? why soon?"
he smiled and leaned down, kissing you softly. he put his free hand on your chin, holding you as you kissed. renjun then pulled away, "i don't know about you but i hear the playground calling our names." he said with a childish smile plastered on his face.
"i am so in love with you." you mumble, staring at him lovingly. you quickly looked around the park, making sure there was nobody around before laughing and jumping off the bench to run towards the playground. "last one to the swings is a rotten egg!"
by the time you two got back to the apartment, the lights were off in the hallway. only the tv light could be seen shining from the living room. you guys walked into the room and saw that the group were already about halfway through the movie and mark's girlfriend, also one of your closest friends, had joined.
spotting a spare seat next to mark and rina on the three seater couch, you let go of renjun's waist that you were previously holding and head towards the couple quietly. rina lets out a small sound of surprise as you fit yourself into the couple's cuddles. "hi, my rainbow. where've you been?" she asked as she leaned over and gave a quick kiss to your cheek.
"yo, why did my dick twitch a little?" mark mumbled, watching the two of you. both rina and you rolled your eyes at him. renjun walked behind the couch, heading to the only free seat in the room on the beanbag but not without smacking mark across the head first.
you couldn't help but laugh at the stupidity of them, knowing mark meant no harm. "renjun and i were at the park, having a chat." you explained, nuzzling yourself into rina. your friend shifted in her seat, turning her full attention to you.
"shit, what about?" she asked, pulling the blanket away from mark and onto your legs instead.
"well, we wer-"
"oh my god, here we go again. can you guys talk in another room please? you do this every time you see each other. the two of you literally talk for hours." chenle groaned, throwing his head back before looking at the pair of you. there were mumbles of agreement, even from your boyfriends.
giggles fell from both yours and your friend's lips as the two of you push off the couch and into the kitchen to talk. rina pulls herself onto the kitchen bench and you mirror her action but onto the kitchen island. "alright, spill." rina says, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl next to her.
"i'm going back home to australia for a while." you say, scanning rina's face.
she stopped peeling her banana and slowly nodded, thinking about what to say. "okay.. and am i invited?" she asked, taking a bite of the banana.
you looked at her confused at apparently her only thought. "you don't have anything else to say? any advice? am i being crazy?"
"well shit, if you're going back there then you'll need moral support. which will be me!" she exclaims cheerfully.
you thought for a second. you two had been talking about going on vacation for awhile and she is actually incredible support. it'll also give rina a chance to go back home too. "i mean, i don't see why not? renjun and i decided on going during his break. would mark be okay with that?" you asked. rina quickly shoved the rest of the banana in her mouth, letting out a muffled 'let me ask.'
she jumped off of the kitchen bench and walked back into the living room with you not too far behind her. "mark, wanna go to australia with us?" she asked quite loudly over the movie. the room erupted in noise, some of the boys talking amongst each other and others trying to talk to you two girls.
"shit, i didn't know i'd cause that much of a fuss." she awkwardly mumbled, returning to her seat next to mark.
chenle spoke up loudly over the noise, "why are you guys going to australia?" he asked looking between you and rina. you groaned, walking to the lightswitch and turning it on so you can actually see everybody properly. you grabbed the remote off the table and quickly paused the movie.
"me and renjun are going back to australia to go sort things out. some family things." which wasn't entirely a lie, "rina wants to come because we've been planning a holiday together long before renjun and i even started dating. she'll also be going home to australia so obviously she wouldn't go without mark." you continued to explain.
it was jeno that spoke up next, "well, can we come too?" he asked softly next to jaemin. the two of them both showing you a very similar innocent, boyish look. you look at renjun, silently asking for help.
he pushed himself out of the beanbag and made his way over to where you were standing by the tv, "well, how about we go, just us, for the first few days and then the rest of them can join us later?"
you nodded in approval, look at everyone else to see if they give the same approval. everyone was showing some way of saying yes. it was jisung who spoke up next, "where are we even going?"
"we're going back to my hometown on the gold coast." the room erupted in noise again, but this time in excited chatter. whilst everyone was talking, you turn to renjun with a half excited and half scared look on your face.
"i guess this is it. i'm going home."
#nct imagines#nct smut#nct dream reactions#nct dream smut#nct dream imagines#nct dream x reader#renjun smut#renjun imagine#huang renjun imagine#huang renjun smut#park jisung imagine#jisung imagine#chenle imagine#jeno imagine#jaemin imagine#mark imagine#nct 00 line smut#haechan imagine
142 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey! How are you holding up? Just finished the episode and I haven't really recovered. I am sad, I am frustrated, I don't really know what's happening? I thought they were mature and Tim is so dumb right now, I can't even.
And Lucy? I can't even start to imagine what she's going through. She has been so badass for the 5 seasons and this season she just gets fail after fail and loss after loss and doesn't even get a good job storyline.
So sorry I didn't reply sooner but I first wanted to take a little step back in order to fully digest the episode. As much as the waiting is killing me, I actually appreciate the hiatus for that.
I imagine your feelings may have changed a bit as well since then… or that was the impression I got from our different conversations here and there. How are you feeling now? A bit better or still frustrated?
I'm going to start with Lucy. I was rewatching the beginning of season 5 and this is hitting even harder now. Not because of the pining era. But because the narrative was already showing her isolation back then. I couldn't quite put my finger on why her storyline in season 6 felt so familiar but now I get it. This is merely the continuation.
As we all noticed, the scene of Tim breaking up with her had a very similar vibe to the one at the end of 5.02. But think back of when she went to Nyla for advice about going to UC school, when she was trying to confide to Aaron who was too caught up in his own drama to hear her… or when she spent hours locked in a freezer because no one realised she was missing - besides Tim, that is. And then, there was the whole Rosalind thing where Lucy had to push through her own trauma to help Chris deal with his and help Bailey stay calm. But no one ever took the time to ask her how she was doing with all of this (on screen). They all had good reasons, by the way, this isn't me trying to paint them as the bad guys. But this still has an eerie similarity to what is happening right now. Only there has been no payoff for any of this. Yet. It didn't seem to go anywhere. Until now.
Same with her career : she nailed UC Academy, something that was supposed to help her standout come promotion time… She helped the FBI on a raid, she was asked to be the acting Watch Commander, she was told that the whole station had her back… And yet, none of this paid off either. Yet.
So this is a great opportunity to finally connect all the dots that have been dropped for the past two seasons and give Lucy the amazing arc she deserves. I sincerely hope this will be the case.
As for Tim… Look, the reason why I didn't want a breakup (besides the fact that I dislike this trope so much), is that I was afraid that it would cheapen the whole "worth the effort / worth the risk" speech. You can't say that and leave at the first difficulty without downplaying the whole story. So I'm glad that the writers were able to find a way to circumvent that issue by showing Tim completely unravelling. Because this isn't about him thinking Lucy is not worth the effort or the risk… This is about him thinking HE is not worthy of her. And that changes everything. For me, at least. I still get the frustration. I still wish this storyline would have been done with them sticking together and trying to work through it. But I can understand his perspective, why he thought this would be better for her. And I can see how that could make them stronger in the end. So, just like with Lucy, I hope Tim's arc will be treated properly and carefully. I need to see the payoff, the progress… I need to see them heal. Separately and then, together.
It's always hard to see where a story is going when it is still unfolding… But for now, I choose to remain optimistic and hopeful. Does that help you even a tiny bit?
#thanks for the ask :) and again I apologise for not answering sooner!#ask & ye shall receive#the rookie#chenford#lucy chen#tim bradford
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
An Unexpected Confession (Leviathan x Reader)
Summary: Leviathan has confided in you for as long as you could remember. It's been an equivalent exchange for the most part, until the topic of relationships come up...
Tags: Romantic confession, mutual nerdy pining, fluff, a dating sim get's a little too real
"Ugh, this lead doesn't like any of the gifts I give her!" Leviathan complains, begrudgingly handing the controller to you.
"The Childhood Friend doesn't like sweets anymore, Levi. You'd know this if you actually paid attention during the dialogue," you chuckle teasingly, giving the character a gift that made the video game character swoon.
"Urghhh I'm a failure of a pro-gamer..." Leviathan groans in annoyance, folding his arms as he watch you continue to play the game.
You and Leviathan started playing a dating sim that he failed miserably going in blind the first time. He hated to admit it, but considering the experience you've had with dating sims was a little bit more than him, he reluctantly asked you for your assistance.
All of this struggle towards trying to woo the video game character made a part of Leviathan feel a little bit somber. As you silently cheer after successfully raising the character's love meter, you could see the demon's mood progressively sour.
"Levi, what's wrong?" you ask reluctantly. "We don't have to keep playing if you want."
Leviathan look away from you, trying his best to mask the rock you feel sinking through your chest. It was inexplainable, but you were the last person he would want to bring up such a problem to.
"N-Nothing! We can keep playing, it's okay, we're almost at the first good ending," he denies, looking at the monitor of the paused game.
You frown at his response, clearly not buying his sad attempt at covering up his emotions. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" you put the controller down and shift to your side to face him. "So what's on your mind, Levi?"
Leviathan takes a long pause, his eyes shifting around the room, anywhere but meeting yours. He was having an internal dilemma as he opened his mouth to speak, but words continued to fail. He wanted to run out of his room then and there, but where would he go? Outside?! He'd rather die...
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he takes a deep breath and decides to let out what has been bothering him little by little. "You might think I'm a loser, o-or maybe you already think I'm a loser... but I don't have any experience at all when it comes to romance," he sighs out, his hands shaking slightly as he spoke.
You listen to him intently, but your gaze makes Leviathan much more nervous than he started out.
"I-I just wonder when I'm gonna be able to have an experience like this outside of 2D, y'know?" he continues, his head feeling light, like he could pass out at any second.
You took a pause before you could say anything to Leviathan, just beginning his messy ramble that stemmed from a bad ending of a video game...
"Ah, forget it... Y/N I don't know when it'll ever be my turn. Maybe I'm just unlovable. Like the no-good loser I've always been meant to be," Leviathan was slowly slipping from a stable state of mind and started to spiral into madness.
"Levi don't say that," you quickly prompt before his thoughts would get any worse, your own nerves settling in watching him talk down to himself like this.
"B-But what if it's true?" he panics.
"It's not," you respond quickly.
He senses a sudden urgency in your voice and quickly tries to stop himself from talking. "I'm so sorry, Y/N... I didn't mean to start acting like this," Leviathan quickly doubles down.
"It's okay," you reassure. "Sometimes I wonder the same for myself," you speak while letting out a soft chuckle.
Leviathan looks up at you in curiosity. "Y-You? A normie like you has to worry about that?" he asks in a state of bewilderment.
"Well, yeah I guess everyone does at some point in their lives." As you spoke, Leviathan's panic tones down slightly. "But it's what you decide to do about that. If you really think you're doomed to be alone, then I guess there's no harm in trying, right?"
"H-Huh?! Like a confession? I don't think I can do that...," Leviathan's constant stammers descends into an incoherent language.
You encourage him with a sweet smile on your face, scooting to him closer on the couch, making him nearly melt from the action.
"Would it help to lead by example then?" you ask in an innocent voice.
"I-I guess..." Leviathan closes his eyes and nods rapidly.
"Well," you begin, putting on a brave smile for the anxious demon in front of you, despite you feeling embarrassed from what you were about to say.
"Leviathan, I like you! How about a date to the arcade sometime?" you follow up with a wink, watching the demon's face turn into one of perpetual shock.
"Woah Y/N that almost sounded real... I-If I didn't know any better I'd say you were actually confessing to me! Haha...," he blurts out in a fit of anxiety, the palms of his hands sweating as he spoke. He wonders how it came out of your mouth so easily, was it so impossible to think of dating someone like him?!
"Oh that was an actual confession," you smile mischievously. "I really do like you Levi!"
*Leviathan.exe has stopped working.*
You watch him freeze in his spot, his entire body shutting down as you spoke, wondering if he was so consumed in digital media that he confused the art of dating sims for reality.
"Now your turn," you tease, anticipating for Leviathan's response.
You would not be able to get a response from Leviathan for at least minutes as he continues to recover. He has an internal battle of whether or not to say something, his words possibly being utter crap, or to sit there and look even more like an idiot in your eyes.
"C-Can I have some time...?" Leviathan pleads, hiding his face in his hands, close to tears over this reciprocation.
You nod in agreement. "Sure, but in the dating sim there would be a time limit~"
"This isn't that!" he retorts quickly, his voice muffled behind his hands.
Each word comes out of the shy demon's mouth slowly, but surely, a coherent sentence of "I like you, too" came to fruition. Despite being broken up by complaints of frustration and nerves rising to his throat, the message came across to you clean and simple.
124 notes
·
View notes
Text
Darl+ling You
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: Fluff, mention of lung surgery, hospital, care giving (mainly from S.coups), recovery, mention of 2521 ( a realistic k-drama that broke me to pieces) Happy ending I swear!!
Category:F/M
Fandom: Seventeen (SVT) (boyband)
Relationships: !Idol-boyfriend S.coups x !f non-idol reader
Summary: You are going through something that is going to be very life changing for you and S.coups, but you try to keep pushing for him, yourself and everyone else.
P.s. this is based off my current experience with being sick, and I just wanted to write about it with one of my comfort idols. S.coups, but mainly all of svt, and a few more kpop groups and idols have been keeping me out of a dark place since I've been diagnosed with my chronic histoplasmosis disease in my left lung.
ScScScScScScScScScScScScScScSc
As you lay in your hospital bed, weak and vulnerable after the lung surgery, S.Coups never left your side. He held your hand tightly, providing comfort through his mere presence when he could be there.
"Hey babe, how are you feeling?" S.coups said as he gently brush your wild hair out of the way. You smile softly, yet full of pain that can be seen. "Ugh... I'm in pain but having you here makes it bearable."
S.Coups pout slightly as he puts your hair in a silk bonnet that look brand new. "I'm not going anywhere; I'll be right here with you until you're back on your feet."
Throughout your time together at the hospital, S.Coups took on various roles - caregiver, cheerleader, and confidant. He made sure you, his darling Y/n followed all medical instructions while also showering you with love and affection.
"Ya, Y/n don't forget to take your medication on time; it will help speed up your recovery." He says in a soft tone as he breaks your pill in half so it'll be easier for you to swallow.
You roll your eyes at him with a cheesy grin on your face. "I hate taking pills... but if it means getting better sooner so we can go on that vacation we planned... I maybe can make an exception."
"Exactly! We have so many adventures waiting for us once you're fully recovered... plus I owe you front row seats to our concert that's coming to town soon, and the boys really want to see you." He stated as he sat one the recliner that was in your room.
Slowly as the weeks progressed with you getting better the conversations were filled with laughter, and light banter as you reminisced about past memories; plus shared dreams for the future. You loved how he found a way to take time off... to fly to the hospital that you had surgery at during his busy schedule all for you.
One evening while watching Twenty-five, Twenty-one together; your eyes filled with tears as you thought about the uncertainty of her condition.
Pausing the show, you sit up with tears in your eyes. "What if something goes wrong, Seungcheol?" You asked as you look at the wires and medical machines you were hooked to.. trying to contain the tears that weren't fully out of your eyes. "What...what if it comes back but worse like the doctor said it would if they didn't... they didn't get it all out of me."
S.Coups quckily shushed you and pull you closer into his body as he laid in the hospital bed with you. "Hey, hey, hey darling..don't think like that. You're strong, and we'll get through this together. I love you... Y/n my sweet darling, and I made a promise to you when we made us official, baby. Thorough thick and thin, me and you til the end... princess."
You sighed as you look in his eyes for any tells of him lying to you, but giving in once he kisses the tip of your nose. "I love you too, and I thank you for all that you have done for me while being a busy man for yourself." You say as you try to catch your breath once again for the 3rd time that day.
He just shushed you once more in a caring yet loving way, and turned Twenty-five, Twenty-one back on. "Let's focus on Na Hee-do and Baek Yi-jin for now, yeah." He stated as he wiped your tears and kissed your left temple.
S.Coups' unwavering support and reassuring words provided you with the strength to face your fears head-on. As days turned into weeks, the growth of your health gradually improved, thanks to S.Coups' constant care and encouragement... even with his busy schedule as an idol.
Finally, the day arrived when you were discharged from the hospital. S.Coups couldn't hide his excitement as he helped you and your mom who was also taking rotation shifts with him pack your belongings.
S.Coups pushes you in the wheelchair to the car as he thinks about what he is planning to feed you when your mom isn't feeding you what she has cooked with love for you. "No more hospital food! We can finally enjoy your favorite homemade meals again."
You shook your head with a chuckle as you both reach the car. "And no more uncomfortable beds! I can't wait to sleep in my old yet still cozy bed." You state as you get in your moms freshly cleaned car to head to your childhood home to recover properly, and safely.
You and S.Coups knew that your love had triumphed over adversity, and so much more. The both of you were ready to face whatever challenges life threw your way, knowing that together the both of you could conquer anything, especially with the love, and care you had for each other.
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
Thank you for reading! 🩵🩶
-Mrs.Cody-Song
#kpop#kpop fluff#seventeen#seventeen ambw#svt imagines#kpop imagines#kpopidol#svt scoups#scoups#choi seungcheol#scoups x reader#y/n x scoups#darl+ing#song based#comments really appreciated#rebloging#fluff#f reader#sad reader#2521#na hee do#baek yi jin#twenty five twenty one#kdrama#!idol boyfriend#boyfriend scenarios#s.coups#relationship#fan fiction#fan writing
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
Random vampire/werewolf au shenanigans I wanted to doodle after the au lore post the other day, and then spent way too long on pfft. A little glimpse at Keralis' skill! And also a look at Grian and Mumbo very soon after Grian became a vampire!
I'm not a comic artist, but this was still a lot of fun! Even if I did end up completly redrawing the first two pages, which made it take a lot longer than I'd hoped. Oh well, got there in the end. Under the cut is a little more context/info about this incident. Under a read more to stop this post from getting any longer lol
Also please ignore how vaugely inconsistant my artstyle is at the moment pfft
Grian was indredibly angry about the situation he'd found himself in at first. At the vampire court he's put in Mumbo's care, and Mumbo is trying. He really is! But he doesn't know how to handle fledglings, and his attempts at helping aren't particularlly successful. Fledglings can lose control so easily and become dangerous to themselves and others, but trying to calm Grian down isn't working. His anger is understandable, but they're not going to get anywhere with him in this state. Keralis knows what will work, it's not something he likes to do to other vampires, but sometimes it's needed. Grian will feel better after a nap, and maybe they'll be able to make some progress when he's calm.
Mumbo meanwhile, learns something new about someone he's known for a century, and still has no idea how he's supposed to handle this whole thing pfft.
#hermitcraft#grian#keralis#mumbo jumbo#mumbojumbo#hermitblr#mcyt#mcytblr#digital art#violetattemptsart#vampire/werewolf au
93 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pincushion
Having to work along side Caesar was never going to fair well for you. You were both devoted to your love of science, sure, but your morals regarding it couldn't have been more polarizing. Letting your guard down around him was one of the things you'd end up regretting the most.
CW: NSFW!!, MDNI!!, fem!reader, fingering, being experimented on, bondage, manipulation
There hadn't been any progress with this new serum in a few weeks, which was making you doubt the formulas you'd been testing out. You were determined to find the breakthrough you'd been chasing after but were weary of asking your colleauges for any assistance; their methods were a far cry from what most would consider ethical, especially their ringleader―Caesar.
Even after being ordered by your higher-ups to work alongside him in hopes of speeding up the process, you were reluctant to do so. The warm and inviting smile that was paired with friendly, open gestures seemed to always have an ominous shadow, yet this appeared to be something only you took notice in. Am I being overly judgemental towards him? Thinking to yourself, those skepticisms of his character began worming their way into your better judgement, blanketing doubt over it.
Having got lost in your conflictions, you failed to see the wolf in sheep's clothing approaching you. When you saw the bits of white cloud dissipating around your sides, you shot him a look.
Throwing his hands in the air at your glare, he tried to desfuse the hostility brewing in you, "Talk about if looks could kill! I come in peace." When your guard wouldn't fall, he added, "Promise" at the end.
Huffing at the stress he was creating for you, you impatiently asked what he wanted.
"I believe I've found the answer we've been looking for."
Spinning around, your disbelief was apparent in your line of questions, "Really? Are you sure? How can you know?"
"Oh, please don't act so surprised! Have you forgotten who you're talking to?" Setting aside his slight irritation at you for lacking faith in his skill, he pressed, "But there's a problem, you see."
When you raised an eyebrow at him, he continued, "Well, usually Monet volunteers her services when it comes to testing the quality of these types of serums, but I can't seem to find her anywhere."
"And? Don't you have your lackies who would do anything for you?"
"Hm, I do but they're far too busy carrying out my many other requests."
Understanding his real purpose for bothering you, unease set in. Picking up on this, he coaxed, "This is something that we've been trying to find the answer to for so long and this could be it! We must find out if it's the key. That is what you want, isn't it? To find a solution?"
Swallowing your fears, you agreed to help him, "Fine. If it's for the greater good, then I guess I'll help you..."
"And so many will have you to thank, I'm sure of it." Grinning at you, he motioned for you to follow him.
Leading you into what looked like an operating room, he gestured for you to lay down on the table.
Hestitation was your body's way of screaming at you to turn back. However, he was quick to act before your common sense took control; he offered you his hand to help you get up on it, "Let me help you, my dear."
Your hand was shaky when placing it in his, "Easy now," he soothed your worries.
"Now," he started, "to avoid any possible injuries, I must warn that these restraints are necessary."
Nodding for him to get on with it, your heartbeat quickened as you watched him take away your capability to flee. Pulling out the syringe, he assured you, "You'll just feel a slight pinch."
You avoided eye contact with him as he stood over you, watching intently, "How do you feel?"
Focusing on any changes, you answered, "F-fine, I think."
"You think or you know? There's an obvious difference."
Glaring at him, you waited to see if there were any signals letting either of you know about the possible side effects. When you felt your body getting warm, you told him in a hitched breath.
The sides of his mouth curled into a devilish grin.
Your thighs started twitching and rubbing together. The friction was bringing on lewd urges. Remembering where you were, you immediately stopped and demanded for him to let you go.
"I'm afraid I can't do that. We wouldn't want to run the risk of you hurting yourself from any other side effects that may appear, now would we?" denying you, he seemed to be enjoying the sight of your flushed face being overtaken by dread.
His hand hovered over your inner thigh, making you grip at the sides of the table in anticipation. "What do you feel when I do this..." His grasp sent shivers throughout your body. However, when he pinched the fatty upper part, shock waves shot directly across your folds and tangled around your clit―throbbing from the sudden neglect.
"Answer me, dear."
He had just witnessed your hips bucking from his teasing, yet he had the nerve to insist on hearing you tell him. You sobbed, "Fuck you," before twinging at the new waves of sin finding their way to your now weeping cunt.
Smirking at the pathetic mess you were turning into, he taunted, "That still doesn't answer my question."
He carefully lifted your skirt, exposing the shame you were holding between your legs. His hand was hovering over you again, which caused you to squirm more in a desperate attempt to evade him.
Stopping over your drenched pussy, he slid a finger over the lips. As you threw yourself against the table and muffled your cries by biting your lower lip, the sensation became more unforgiving; he swirled the tip of his finger over your hardened pearl, chuckling to himself when this broke your silence. Your disgraceful sobs were echoing around the room, while your hips were eagerly seeking out to abandon your prior morals.
"Use your words. How do you feel?"
Completely giving into his wicked ways, you admitted to how incredible it felt.
Upon hearing this, he slipped your panties to the side and shoved his fingers deep inside your aching walls. You couldn't hold on for much longer; you bounced yourself in motion with him, calling his attention to your breasts.
Ripping your top down, he hurridly grabbed at your expossed breast, which made your shrieks shrill from the overstimulation. Practically begging for him to stop the torment, this was only inticing him to push your limits further: pinching your tender nipple, flicking it for his own sadistic pleasure to see you descend into madness under his care.
Your walls clenched around him mercilessly, barely giving him any more leverage. Making him resort to using his upper arm strength to plunge into you, he admired the sight of your swollen and reddened lips gripping his hand.
The vulgar sounds seeping out of your slit were making it hard not to involve himself any further in his experiment.
Your mewls were intoxicating: your hitched breaths and begging were laced with the most addictive narcotic. When your finale had finally been seen through, you were barely conscious―having been forced to endure such abuse of power.
Clearly satisfied with your performance, he began releasing you from your restraints.
"It would seem that I'd grabbed the wrong sample," he informed, playing it off as a simple act of carelessness. "The side effects should wear off shortly, though."
Still unable to speak properly, all you were able to muster was a distressed whimper and scowl.
#just going to leave this here#i'm completely sane I swear#stop staring at me#one piece#one piece x reader#x reader#one piece imagine#caesar x reader#caesar clown#caesar one piece#one piece smut#one piece x you#caesar x you#one piece caesar clown#caesar clown one piece#low key proud of this
33 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey verse 💖
I am currently going through something which makes it really hard for me to persist and feel fulfilled. I find it hard to trust imagination and know I'm doing everything right because I feel insecure? unsure? unstable? I don't know!
It's hard to feel calm and relieved about the 3D, knowing it has to change to my imagination but what if I feel uncomfortable in my own imagination? What if I feel resistant? What if I can't properly imagine things going my way without feeling pain in my chest?
I would appreciate it so so much if you took your time to help me out! 🫶🏻
take a break.
don’t force yourself to do anything that doesn’t make you happy rn. don’t try to affirm or visualize if you’re not happy with your imagination. just take a quick break, get some rest, try your best to ease up on yourself for right now.
do a quick look inward. what is it that you truly want? it doesn’t have to be 100% clear if it’s still something in the works, just identify the main idea of what it is you want.
only imagine what you want and what makes you happy. not comfortable but happy. only identify with your desires.
it is common and completely okay to feel unsure or uncomfortable with your imagination (especially if it’s you imagining what you desire) because that means you’re going to get used to a new state of mind. you’re shedding the old you to make way for the new you.
you may not be used to the idea of things going your way or working in your favor but they are now.
think and really understand this. feelings about what you have ≠ what you truly have. you could feel sad about circumstances, cry and scream and sob. but when it’s over, realize that your true desire still lies in imagination; it has not gone anywhere.
come up with rules. what beliefs do you want to stand by when it comes to how you view loa? you decide what becomes true in your universe and you stick to it, just like with any other assumption you have. what are you deciding is true in your reality?
here are some of my rules as an example
doesn’t have to be these and doesn’t have to be perfect. you get the idea.
anything that doesn’t align with your rules or what you wanna believe? fuck it. don’t identify with it. don’t assign it any meaning. pay it literally not an ounce of attention. you follow your own rules and beliefs because that’s what YOU wanna do.
discipline yourself. be your own validation, build trust in yourself because you are doing everything right. you always have been. get back on your feet as many times until the new state of your desire becomes natural to you. progress doesn’t need to be linear, but it can still be progress.
come up with your rules and stick by them with everything you got because that’s how the law will work for you.
realize that when you stick it out through those feelings and circumstances that inevitably things will change for the better. but you have to stick with that “better” because that persistence is what brings your desires to life.
any negative feelings, doubts, worries etc. feel them, don’t push down your feelings for toxic happiness, but realize that once you’ve felt them and let them run their course, there’s only one place you need to return to.
your imagination.
─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───
tldr:
take a break. relax, let your feelings run their course and soothe yourself.
look inward. what do you desire? what thoughts or images does this desire bring forth in your imagination? identify what you want.
only imagine (affirm, visualize, sats, subs, simply deciding or knowing) and align with your desire. flip the negative thoughts or pay them no mind because they don’t align with what’s in your imagination.
come up with rules. make statements that stand out with what you believe in loa. “i can affirm as much as i want.” “i only need to affirm once.” “i simply know its mine and that’s it.” doesn’t matter what it is as long as its your personal choice.
discipline yourself. stick with these rules and your imagination and disregard anything else. feelings don’t matter. unwanted circumstances don’t matter. negativity doesn’t matter. it will not affect anything you have in imagination. get back on track as many times as you need to.
most importantly, take care of yourself.
#loa#law of assumption#loassumption#reality shifting#shifting#shifting realities#manifesting#manifestation#desired reality#asks
37 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
grovndzero
i mean, i’m a perfectionist,
imrankhan44
Imran Khan
kj-nanray
KJ Nanray
incorrectly-quoting-mxtx
*Out of Tune Flute Solo*
parinko4215
ちゃんと生きたい