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r0mantic-f00l · 26 days

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(sooo finally did it, sorry for posting late! just a fair warning, this is super sad, so read with discretion. also not proof read)

Just a Man

Sirius Black was pathetic.

Nothing more than a man who found delight in people's suffering.

In your suffering.

So you ended it with him. You did not know how, did not know where the strength and courage came from to put yourself first, yet you did know that the infatuation, the excitement that Sirius Black was, it faded. Like a mere illusion.

It was as if you woke up one day from a dream, or was it a nightmare? Is it possible for an experience to be both?

Every connection with him was cut off. You no longer talked to his friends, no longer possessed his shirts and vinyl albums and jewelry he had gifted you. You put it all in a box and left it outside his door.

It sounds as if it was easy, just leaving him in a heartbeat. Not loving him anymore. It was not easy, no. It was a battle. A battle with him, yes, because he refused to let go. But a battle with your heart too, because it refused to let go of him. Hope still lingered that perhaps all those things he would whisper to you in the midst of lust or drunkeness were true, were statements that he meant deeply.

You knew he didn't.

That's why you left.

But he couldn't leave you.

That is why Sirius Black was pathetic.

-♡-

The glow of the streetlight near to your apartment slid through the cracks of your window's blinds whilst you lied on your bed, reading a book that you had only begun a couple days beforehand.

Ticking of the clock that rested on your bedside table would distract you from your reading, reminding you that it was nearing midnight and you needed to get sufficient rest to make sure you would wake up the next day early enough to do everything you wanted to do.

However, the book was too captivating.

A knock on the door, followed by the shouting of your name finally dragged you away from the novel.

You knew who it was.

You hoped it wasn't him.

But you knew it would be.

You walked out of your bedroom and into the living room, where your front door was being abused by a repeated knocking.

Exasperated, you unlocked it and only opened the door by a smidge, a little crack showing two familiar faces.

Peter Pettigrew, holding up Sirius like a broken doll.

"No." You protested before Peter could even utter out a word.

The man sighed as he begged you silently with his eyes to listen to him whilst Sirius swayed where he stood.

"He keeps shouting your name."

"So?"

Peter scoffed.

"So he wants to talk to you, and he won't rest until he does."

"This is the fourth time this month, Peter." You spoke through gritted teeth, your patience running very thin.

"And it won't happen again. Promise."

It was an empty promise. Of course it was. Any promise made on Sirius' behalf always failed to come to fruition.

Yet before you could say anything further, Sirius murmured your name with his head hung low, seemingly too inebriated to recognise the door in front of him.

"I can't do this again, Peter. I want to move on." Subconsciously, you opened the door a bit further, the creaking noise gathering the attention of Sirius, who rose his head and widened his eyes when he saw your face.

He smiled widely, drunkenly, and cheered your name as if you were the answer to his prayers.

"I'll pick him up in the morning." Peter rushed his words out and left, making Sirius stumble in his footing and instead balance on the wall beside him, leaning against it as he grinned at you.

You sighed and fully opened the door, wrapping your arm around Sirius' back as you helped walk him into your apartment.

"Hello, my love." He murmured into your ear, the smell of vodka and cheap beer wafting into your nose as he leaned down to you.

You scowled and dropped him on your sofa, going to walk away to the kitchen to get him a drink of water before he held tightly onto your wrist.

"Where are you going?" Sirius pouted, like a spoilt child.

"Kitchen. Need to get you some water." You replied simply, and walked away when Sirius begrudgingly let go of your wrist.

The trinkle of water into the glass was not loud enough to cover Sirius' shouting as you stood by the sink, sighing as he spoke.

"Y-You would never beli-believed what happened to me tonight." Sirius slurred, turning around on the couch to face the kitchen.

"This girl, some random girl, came up to me and started- just started flirting!" He gasped out, shocked for some reason whilst you walked towards him with a glass in your hand.

"So, so I told her I have a girlfriend--"

"You don't have a girlfriend, Sirius." You placed the glass of water down in front of him and walked behind the couch.

The man grinned and rolled his head back, gazing at you with that typical arrogant, dangerous look.

"Yeah, but, I will do."

Your eyebrows furrowed as you crossed your arms.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Sirius leaned forward and took a sip of his water, humming as he drank it, and placed it back down as he turned to face you.

"Well, whatever thing you're going through now, you-you'll snap out of it soon." He smiled and ran his hand through his hair.

"And we'll be back together like nothing happened."

You scoffed and walked away from him, tired of his naivety.

"No, we won't."

Sirius chuckled and stood up from the couch, following after you.

"Hey, where you going, darling?"

"I'm not your darling!" You snapped, turning around to face him.

Rage filled your bones with the energy of your broken heart as you stared at Sirius, who only appeared perplexed, as if your reaction was unwarranted.

"I'm not your love, I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not your safety net to fall back on whenever you're bored and desperate and alone." You stepped towards him, watching as his eyes became clearer and his back straighter.

"I will never be any of those things ever again, because I don't love you anymore."

That hit something within him, Sirius appearing to become sober and shocked. And finally hurt by you. Finally he knew the feeling of rejection, of not being good enough.

"Y-you don't love me?"

You shook your head, willing away the tears building up in your eyes as Sirius' hands lifted to hold your face, but then staying in the air as if they did not know where to go anymore.

"I don't love you. Not anymore. Now that I know you're nothing special."

Perhaps that was too far, too cruel, but you wanted him to experience the same feelings you felt whenever he would complain about you to his friends, whenever he would flirt with other girls, whenever he would ignore you like you meant nothing to him.

You could see in his eyes that his would crumbled, could hear the shattering of his heart as he stumbled back.

"But you... you don't mean that." Sirius sniffed, chuckling dejectedly as he stated into your eyes. He half-expected you to laugh and say it was all a joke, or to beg for his forgiveness and hold him in your arms until the morning.

After all, he only came to your apartment for your warm and familiar embrace. An embrace that made him feel safe and loved.

"I do mean it. I've never meant anything more. I don't love you, and I want you to go."

Sirius shook his head, a tear slipping from his eye.

"No."

"Sirius, leave."

A sob broke out of him before he knelt on the ground before you and hugged your body, clinging desperately onto you as he cried.

"No, I don't want to leave, I-I..." He couldn't form words properly, sobbing with the overwhelming emotions of sadness overtook him.

"I can't leave you."

You shut your eyes, holding your head up as you fought the strong urge to sink to the floor and kiss away his tears.

"Please, Sirius. If you... if you feel anything towards me at all, please go away."

The man turned silent, his hold on your body slipping away slowly as he remained knelt on the floor.

The sight reminded you that he wasn't a saint, a god, a dreamer with the purpose of putting a little excitement into your life.

He was just a man. Nothing more. Nothing special.

Sirius stood up, his cheeks wet and his eyes red whilst he avoided looking at you.

He nodded, appearing to respect your wish as he began to walk away.

He took slow steps towards the door, leaving you frozen in place as you watched him walk away.

Before he opened the door, before he could go away for good, he turned back to you.

"I'm sorry."

Then the door opened, and shut.

And you cried.

You did not know why, perhaps it was the overwhelming emotions of relief and misery and love that made you crumble and cry, yet you did know that with every tear, every smile, every laugh and every frown; none of it would be as strong as it was with him.

-♡-

#marauders #marauders era #sirius black #sirius black x reader #angst #angst with no comfort #toxic relationship #Spotify

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wzrd-wheezes · 1 month

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What I Think of You - Toxic!Ex!Sirius x Reader (Part One)

AN - Hello! sorry it's been a minute since I last posted but I had an itching to write a toxic Sirius fic and really enjoyed writing this. It's pretty much just them arguing but I want to do a part 2 to it with toxic!reader (maybe with some smut) so let me know if you guys enjoyed this!

1.1k words

Contains: toxic!sirius, arguing, swearing, mentions of alchohol and drinking, mentions of sex (no actual smut in this part)

Outside, the rain poured relentlessly, pounding heavily on the pavement and filling the air with an earthy, damp scent. The sky had darkened rapidly on her way home, now covered almost entirely with dense, black clouds. Y/N heaved a sigh of relief as she entered her apartment building, ready to find solace in her flat after a particularly long day.

She kicked off her shoes as soon as she was through the door, hastily shedding her damp coat and hanging on the hook to dry. ‘Exhausted’ felt like an understatement; she wanted nothing more than to just curl up on the sofa and unwind for a few hours.

“Long day, love?” a voice rang out from the living room. Y/N spun around rapidly, her heart pounding in her chest at the sudden noise.

“What the fuck are you doing in my flat?” Her arms folded across her chest, Y/N stared down at her ex-boyfriend who sat confidently on her sofa.

“Our flat.” he corrected her, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. The dim light from the lamp on the side table cast eerie shadows across his face, accentuating the smug smirk playing on his lips.

“It hasn’t been ‘our’ flat since I kicked you out six months ago.” Y/N countered; her tone sharp.

“Technicalities.” Sirius waved his hand flippantly.

He reached over to the coffee table, picking up the whisky glass that was already halfway empty and bringing it to his lips. The clinking of ice against glass filled the silence. The dark liquid swirled within the glass as he took a leisurely sip, his gaze never leaving Y/N’s.

Sirius lounged back against the cushions, his legs spread wide, his posture oozing nonchalance. Y/N’s jaw clenched as she fought to regain her composure, refusing to let her cold demeanour slip and let him see how his unexpected presence unsettled her.

“What do you want, Sirius?” she narrowed her eyes at him, “Actually, how did you even get in? I thought I took your key off you the last time that you showed up unwanted?”

“You seem to forget that I know where you keep the spare key,” he swilled the contents of his glass, “I just thought I’d drop by, see how you’ve been holding up without me.”

Y/N silently cursed herself for being so stupid and not removing the key from its hiding spot.

“I’ve been doing just fine, thank you very much.” she replied, her jaw clenching as she forced the words out. Every single cell in her body wanted her to lash out, scream at him and demand that he leaves and never return. She didn't, she crossed the room to sit in the armchair adjacent to where Sirius was splayed out on the sofa.

Sirius tilted his head at her, his eyes raking over her with a mixture of amusement and curiosity. The familiarity of his gaze made her stomach hurt.

“You can’t just waltz back in here like nothing happened.”

“Can’t I?” his voice was as smooth as silk, “I seem to remember a time when you couldn’t get enough of me. Practically begging me to come over and fuck-”

“Fuck you, Sirius.” she spat, her face contorting with disgust.

Sirius chuckled, a cold glint in his eyes as he shook his head at her. Rising from his seat, he sauntered over to the drinks cabinet with an air of entitlement. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and another glass, setting them down on the table with a dull thud.

“You’ve been ignoring my calls.” he remarked, his tone betraying a hint of irritation between the veneer of indifference. He removed the cap from the bottle and dropped it so it clattered against the table. He filled his own glass, the then other and pushed it towards Y/N.

“Because you keep calling me twenty times a day.” Y/N said hotly, “Move on, Sirius.”

“Move on?” he barked out a laugh, “Yeah, you’d know a lot about that, wouldn’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Y/N reached for her drink and near enough drained the glass in a single gulp. The liquor burned as she swallowed it down, but at least it made Sirius slightly tolerable.

“You seemed to have moved on pretty quick when you found someone else to warm your bed.” Sirius finished, his voice dripping with venom.

Sirius’s emotions had suddenly shifted, his cool, calm demeanour switching to cold and hard. His face twisted into a sneer as he looked down his nose at her, his lips curled up in disgust.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Y/N avoided his eyes as she reached for the bottle, refilling her glass.

“Oh, darling, don’t play dumb with me.” his face softening into a sickly, sweet grin, “After all, I’m the one that knows you best, aren’t I? The one who knows all your little secrets.”

“I don’t have any secrets.” she denied, gripping onto her drink so tightly that the etchings on the glass left an imprint on her palm.

“We both know how quickly you moved on to the next as soon as I was out of the picture.”

Y/N’s chest tightened at his words, a surge of anger coursing through her. She refused to let him see how deeply his words cut her.

“That’s rich, coming from you. You’d fuck anything with a pulse. We both know that.”

“That’s not a very nice way to speak about yourself.” Sirius drawled.

“Don’t twist my words. You know exactly what I meant.” her voice was laced with frustration.

The room seemed to crackle with tension as they locked eyes with each other, the air was thick with unresolved emotions and bitter accusations. The rain outside still poured, pattering against the windowpane, a relentless rhythm that mirrored the storm brewing inside. Each tick of the clock served as a reminder of the fragile balance hanging in the air. Y/N’s chest heaved with each breath, her pulse pounding in her ears. In that moment, the world outside ceased to exist.

“You always did have a sharp tongue.” Sirius broke the silence, his tone dripping with condescension.

“And you always had a knack for manipulation.” she shot back.

A flicker of something unreadable flashed across Sirius’s face before he regained his composure, “Is that what you think of me, darling? Just a manipulator.”

“You know damn well what I think of you.”

The accusation hung heavy in the air, and the expression on Sirius’s face nearly made her regret saying it. With a defiant lift of her chin, she looked at Sirius with a stoney expression.

“Get out.”

“Fine.” he said, his voice laced with thinly veiled contempt, “But we both know that this isn’t over.”

Sirius slammed the front door shut behind him – just for old time’s sake.

#toxic!sirius #ex!sirius #sirius black x reader #sirius black fanfic #sirius black #exboyfriend!sirius #marauders

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marauders-peace · 10 months

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Tangled in lies

Summary: When your longtime crush is your best friends ex, things aren't really going well. And on a party you go together everything changes.

Pairing: Sirius black x hufflepuff!reader

Warnings: toxic friendship, past toxic relationship (not with the reader), insecurities, self conscious , fake dating (not in this but in the next parts)

Wc: +4100 i hope you like it. The last week I was working on it <3

Masterlist

Prologue part 1

"Did you see that? He just winked at me! I told you there's still something between us!" Seraph whispered in my ear. It seemed like he winked at m-… But she was probably right; I shouldn't think narcissistically.

Three months ago, she and Sirius broke up because he saw her apparently fooling around with another boy. She insisted that he meant everything to her and the other boy meant nothing, but he didn't listen.

In the past few weeks, tension had been building up between them. Seraph saw it as a sign that he couldn't be without her. I don't know what he was thinking; I don't know him well.

But I wish I did.

"Whisky? Are you listening to me?" Seraph brought me back to the present.

"Yes, sorry. I just remembered something."

She looked at me skeptically. "What is it?"

'Hey, what's your name?' His voice echoed in my ears. It sounded so beautiful. 'I'm-' 'Whisky, where are you?' Seraph searched for me. 'Always the same with this girl…' she whispered, but I heard it anyway. But she surely didn't mean it that way. 'Whisky?' he asked with a grin that, with anyone else, would have seemed like he was making fun of them. But with Sirius, it just looked charming.

'Ah, there you are!' Seraph came over to us before I could say anything. She glanced at me briefly, then at Sirius. Then she smiled at me. 'Come, Whisky, you must be tired; after all, we have a test tomorrow, and you wanted to go to bed early.' I still don't know why she said that back then; I never said I wanted that.

She turned to Sirius. 'She's a real nerd.' She laughed loudly, but I didn't understand what was so funny. 'You know, once when she didn't get enough sleep before a test, she vomited on her exam paper! That's why she had to retake the test under difficult conditions. She was embarrassed for weeks.'

Why was she telling him that? I was still ashamed.

Sirius grinned at me even wider. 'Then I won't stop you, little Whisky. You can go to sleep before you vomit again tomorrow.' He laughed, and she laughed with him. I eventually left without her; she had probably forgotten that she came for me, after all.

"I just remembered your first encounter with Sirius." My first encounter with him.

She smiled. "Yes, I remember it well too. We clicked right away." While I couldn't get a word out.

"That's why I'm shocked that he's resisting reconciliation now! We were such a beautiful couple!"

Yes, they were. Better than I could ever have been with him.

"He'll surely come to you soon and listen to you," I reassured her.

She smiled at me even more brightly. "Thanks, Whisky, you're the best!"

The bell rang. The next class was about to start.

"I'll head to Potions now. See you later." She quickly gathered her things and was about to leave, but then she turned around.

"Wait, Whisky, I have a small favor to ask. Could you help me with the Defense Against the Dark Arts homework? I got detention with Slughorn and don't have time to do it anymore."

I nodded to her as she turned away.

"Thanks!" she called out as she rushed to the next class.

Sometimes it felt like she couldn't wait to get away from me.

I had Transfiguration class with Professor McGonagall. During these classes, the Marauders, including Sirius, were also present. I sat next to James, who, for reasons I won't mention, was seated away from Sirius.

At first, I thought maybe he would hate me because of the whole Seraph and Sirius situation, but he was surprisingly nice to me. He always worked with me in partner activities and didn't leave me to do everything alone.

Today, he smiled at me as we started working. "Okay, my favorite Hufflepuff, what do you think today?"

"Well, I think we need to transform the chair into a crocodile," I replied sarcastically. He laughed at that.

"No, that's not what I meant. I wanted to ask if you're coming to the party tonight?"

Party? Usually, Seraph would tell me about it, but this time, she hadn't mentioned a word.

"Actually, I had plans for tonight…" "Oh, come on, you have to come! Something big is going to happen at the party tonight, believe me. You need to see it!" he boasted. I chuckled at that.

"I'll ask Seraph," I said finally. He looked at me strangely.

"Why do you have to ask her? That self absorbed Slytherin already knows about the party and will be there; we already know that."

We. He wasn't just talking about himself; everyone knew she would be at the party. Sirius knew she would be at the party. Everyone except me.

"Don't talk about her like that. She's very nice, you know?" I defended her. Yes, she was nothing but nice to me. She was the first friend I found here.

But he just laughed. "Nice? Come on, 'Whisky,' she uses everyone around her! Sirius has seen it up close, and I'm sure you know it too."

"I told you to stop talking about her like that!" I snapped at him. He looked surprised, but he didn't say anything more. I hated that his words were making me doubt myself. Seraph was my best friend. If I couldn't trust her, then who could I trust?

James cleared his throat shortly after. "Will you still come? We'd love to have you there."

We.

"I'll consider it. I would like to come too." I finally said.

He gave me another smile, and we continued working.

"Why didn't you tell me about the party?" Why did you tell me you had detention when you were actually going to a party?

Seraph looked surprised. "Well, the last time at one of the parties, you left early. I thought you would feel uncomfortable."

I left early because you and Sirius were making fun of me. Because you ruined any chance I might have had with him.

"I'd like to go with you."

She looked briefly disappointed. Almost angry that I said that. But then she smiled again. "If you want to. Let's go together tonight."

Relief washed over me. That was Seraph, my friend. Why was I thinking all these things about her? Do you really don't know?

"Do you really want to wear that? I mean, I don't mind, it just looks a bit weird. It accentuates that you've gained weight, don't you think?" Seraph explained without stopping.

I suddenly felt uncomfortable. I had wanted to wear a dress, but now all I saw was myself looking like a duck in it.

"It somehow doesn't suit you, right? I mean, there are other things that look better on you! Like…" she paused painfully long.

Finally, she just said, "Forget it." I ended up just putting on a big sweater and loosely fitting pants.

"What do you think of this?" Seraph came out of the bathroom with a beautiful dress. It accentuated all her curves, and the color suited her black hair and blue eyes perfectly.

I smiled at her, even though something inside me tightened. "You look great."

She smiled back at me. "Could you help me with the makeup?"

Of course, I helped her.

She didn't even ask if I wanted to wear makeup too. Maybe it wouldn't help me anyway.

"So! Finally done," Seraph said, looking into the mirror once more. "It's not my best work, but whatever."

She looked like a goddess next to me. She was perfect, oh so perfect. How much I wished…

No, I'm being unreasonable.

She turned to me and smiled. "Shall we go then?"

She didn't even think that maybe I'd get ready too. I have to follow her lead.

I nodded and smiled. "Sure. You look wonderful."

She laughed. "Be careful not to fall in love with me!"

I forced myself to laugh along with her.

No worries, that won't happen anytime soon.

Then we went to the party.

It was loud. Many people were there, pushing and squeezing together. Seraph seemed to thrive in this environment. She just rushed into the crowd without waiting for me.

But I was used to it, and I managed to keep up with her anyway.

She danced on the dance floor, laughing and singing along with the others. She danced with the people there, and the lights illuminated them all perfectly. She moved through the sea of lights like the sun amidst the planets.

I didn't even bother trying to dance; I knew I was terrible at it. Seraph moved so naturally, while I just felt awkward.

So I stood outside the dance floor and watched her. Without her, I felt somewhat lost. Although I actually liked being here, without her, everything felt so new. She was always the one pulling me along everywhere. Without her, I was on my own.

I shook my head. I wanted to be here! So I should make the most of it.

I sat at the bar where I had a good view of the dance floor. That way, Seraph could easily find me too. I ordered a drink and looked around. There were really a lot of people there, almost too many for my taste, but it was still okay.

"Hey, it's good to see you here," I heard the voice I never expected would talk to me.

Sirius sat next to me as if I were a close acquaintance, and it was the most natural thing in the world.

I glanced at him briefly, then looked away. "I think you've got the wrong person."

I felt his gaze on me, and his voice sounded amused. "Why do you think I'm in the wrong place?"

I gave in and looked at him. "Do you know who I am?"

He laughed and stared at me for a while. When I looked at him inquiringly, his smile disappeared, and he looked puzzled. "Damn, you're serious. 'Whisky' , did you forget? We talked last Christmas. Besides, we have many classes together, and my friends and I literally invited you. You're not as invisible as you think," he said, looking bewildered.

His words overwhelmed me. I always thought I went unnoticed when Seraph was in the same room. Everyone immediately talked to her. There was nothing wrong with that, when she was seraph and i were me.

Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable under Sirius' gaze. If he knew who I was, why was he talking to me? Did he want to ask about Seraph?

Yes, that must be it. He wants to ask me how to get along better with Seraph.

"Hey, are you still there?" he suddenly asked. I nodded briefly and took a sip of my drink.

I stared straight ahead. I couldn't meet his gaze again. There was something intense in his eyes, and it made me nervous.

"Do you like it here?" he continued undeterred. Despite me not contributing much to the conversation, he was making an effort.

"Yes, it's pleasant," I replied, wanting to say more, but only thoughts about Seraph came to mind, and I didn't want to mention her first to him.

I could hear the smile in his voice. "I'm glad. We put in a lot of effort. Today is meant to be perfect."

I couldn't help but wonder what he meant by that. Was he finally going to reconcile with her?

"Sirius!!!" I heard her shout. She ran towards us, no, towards him, trying to hug him, but he dodged her. Eventually he couldn't dodge her longer and she clung on him like a koala bear.

Speak of the devil.

"Seraphine, could you please let go of me?" Sirius' eyes were narrowed as he looked at Seraph, who was pouting.

"Full name? What happened to Sera? You're so cold, Siri!" she said but eventually let him go.

Sirius rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I wonder where that comes from."

She just shook her head in response. "Come on, Sirius, you can stop pretending to hate me. You know it was nothing serious with him!"

He snorted and wrinkled his nose. "I know it wasn't serious. You were making out with three other guys that week, and those are just the ones I know of."

She did what??

Seraph glanced briefly at me, as if she just noticed I was there, then looked back at Sirius. "You broke my heart! You can't blame me for wanting to have some fun!"

"I don't know how much 'fun' you've had during our relationship, and honestly, I don't want to know." Sirius finally said, then he turned to me.

"Where were we? Oh yes, preparing for the party! Yes, we had a lot of fun, and I'm glad you're enjoying it. Have you danced yet?"

Before I could answer, Seraph spoke for me. "Oh, please, Whisky and dancing? Come on, stop pretending you're actually interested in her; it won't make me jealous!"

He didn't even turn around; he just looked into my eyes. "Did I talk to you, Seraphine? No, I didn't. And unlike you, I don't talk to people just to use them, so shut up!"

I felt out of place and wanted to leave when he asked again, "Have you danced yet?"

After Seraph's words, I felt embarrassed to shake my head, but saying it out loud would only make it more awkward.

He smiled gently, as if Seraph wasn't standing angry behind him. "Would you like to dance with me?"

He extended his hand towards me, and I could hear Seraph sharply inhale. "Sirius, you're acting ridiculous, don't you realize? I mean, why are you asking her when I'm right here-"

"CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I REALLY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU??" he angrily yelled at her.

She fell silent after that. I saw something glimmer in her eyes, and I immediately felt guilty.

"I hate you!" she shouted before rushing off to the restroom.

He sighed, almost relieved, and turned back to me. "Would you?" he asked, with that smile again. And there came my problem. I wanted to. And it felt like I was the worst person in the world for it.

Tears welled up in me as I thought of Seraph, probably crying her eyes out.

Sirius' gaze was still focused on me, but I had already made up my mind.

"Sorry, I have to go through, can you move aside?" I asked him without looking at him.

I could feel his disappointment as he stepped aside and let me go after Seraph.

I quickly ran after her to the girls' restroom, so I wouldn't change my mind.

Inside, it smelled, and the air was stuffy.

Seraph stood in front of the mirror, reapplying her lipstick. She didn't turn to look at me and just kept going. "There you are. I thought I had lost my best friend to that wannabe Casanova."

She wasn't crying. She was fine. "I thought you were -" I started, but she just laughed.

"Those crocodile tears I pulled out? They were just for show."

She inspected her eyes and sighed in annoyance. "But now I have to redo my eyeliner! Well, hopefully, he feels guilty now and comes begging for my forgiveness!"

"I thought you weren't feeling well. I thought you needed my help!" I was bewildered. Was all that just for show?

She didn't even look at me. "Come on, Whisky, it's not a big deal. I'm just trying to get back together with my ex-boyfriend; after all, he broke my heart!"

She now did her other eye. "And he's just as terrible. I mean, asking you to dance in front of me? He's trying to use you against me, that bastard! You should be much more upset about it!"

"I don't think -"

She burst out laughing. "Please, Whisky, as if he ever really wants to have anything to do with you! He was a jerk to you from the moment we first met; you just don't interest him!"

That hurt. Even though I should already know that. But hearing it from her hurt more than it should. Tears welled up in me, and I tried to turn away so she wouldn't notice, but she already did.

She sighed loudly and finally turned around. "Whisky, please don't cry again. I don't mean it in a mean way; I'm just being realistic."

I nodded vigorously, so she would stop talking and I could calm down. But then, a sob escaped me.

She came from behind me and hugged me. "I just want to protect you. He will only take advantage of you. I don't want to see you hurt, especially not because of him. Isn't one broken heart because of Sirius enough?"

I nodded and hugged her back. After a while, she gently pushed me. "Come on, that's enough crying now; you'll ruin my dress."

I quickly let go of her and went to the sink to wash my face.

Then she took my arm. "Come on, we can leave. By now, he should feel guilty enough."

I just nodded and followed her, as always.

Seraph walked with her head held high through the crowd, ignoring the people around her. She tried to act as hurt as possible, to make it 'not so easy for Sirius' – her words, not mine.

I tried to hide behind her and shrink myself. I looked down and followed her fast steps.

It was a weird situation that I couldn't handle. I hoped Sirius wouldn't approach me again.

Seraph headed for the bar, but on the exact opposite side from where we were before.

"I really need a drink," she whispered to me. I just nodded and followed her to the bar.

Instead of the guy who was serving drinks before, James and Peter were there now, apparently discussing something. Peter looked concerned, but James was just smiling and shaking his head.

Seraph went to the bar and raised her hand, demanding attention. "Bartender!" she called as if they were her slaves. Although she knew James and Peter well as they were friends with Sirius, she didn't let it show.

James came over to us, while Peter looked worried in our direction. I wondered what that was supposed to mean.

"What can I get for our snake?" James asked with a sugary voice and a fake smile.

Seraph didn't even flinch. "Your humor is still in the basement, Potter."

"I think it's yours that's in the basement, considering you took that as a joke. I was quite serious." he retorted.

Seraph looked challengingly into his eyes. "I just want a simple lemonade, but if that's too difficult for your little brain, you can also make me a cocktail, as you seem to know them by heart with how much you drink!" With that, she turned around and went to the dance floor.

I probably had to bring her the drink.

James grumbled. "Inflated bit-, what do you want, Huffle?" he asked me finally.

I pointed to the first drink on the menu and kept an eye out for her, so I wouldn't lose her.

Seraph danced energetically with the crowd. She laughed with a few Slytherin girls who were her roommates.

It makes me sad that we are in different houses, but on the other hand, I'm glad that we are still good friends.

Yet, an uneasy feeling arises within me when she laughs with these girls. It always feels like they are looking down on me.

"Here are your drinks." James placed two drinks on the counter. One was a lemonade, the other a fancy fruit and sugar drink that I didn't recognize. Oh God.

"Thanks." I said and waved to seraph to come and get her drink. Normally, I would go to her, but it wouldn't be a good idea to run around with my drink.

Seraph was engrossed in her conversation with them, so she didn't notice me. Then, one of the girls smiled at me, but it wasn't a friendly smile. She laughed and said something to seraph. She laughed in response and slowly came over to me.

"She always leaves you alone," I heard James' voice behind me. I ignored him and smiled at seraph, handing her the drink.

She looked at my drink for a long moment. Then she looked at me skeptically. "Do you really want to drink that? It has a lot of sugar and calories, and you already had a piece of cake today. So it's your decision. But I'd trade with you; the lemonade has not that much sugar in it."

My stomach suddenly felt strange, and I felt even more uncomfortable in my skin.

I just nodded and handed her my drink, while she gave me hers.

"Thanks," I said before she took a big sip from my drink, no, from her drink.

"No problem, I just want to help you," she said finally. "I'll go over to Cassie and Phina for a moment, okay?" she said before going to the other girls.

I felt terribly abandoned. And I know it's childish, but it hurt that she didn't even ask if I wanted to come too.

I finished my lemonade and turned to the bar.

But then, I saw James' pale face.

And then, everyone around me fell silent.

I looked around, and all eyes were on me. Then I heard laughter around me and saw amused looks.

The laughter grew louder until everyone was laughing.

"Hey, are you sure you're not in Slytherin?" a boy asked with a smile before bursting into loud laughter.

I looked at my reflection in the glasses, which reflected my new neon green hair.

I slowly went to the restroom, until I eventually ran away. I swung the door to the restroom open and suddenly got drenched in water.

A bucket full of water had fell on me, from on the door and the laughter behind me grew louder.

I quickly closed the door behind me to muffle the laughter. I locked myself in the restroom and stared at my neon green hair, which hadn't lost any intensity despite the water.

Tears welled up in me as I looked at my ugly appearance, and I hoped seraph would come soon.

I waited.

And waited.

But she didn't come to check on me.

After a while that felt incredibly long, I heard footsteps going into one of the other restroom stalls. I tried to be as quiet as possible, suppressing my sobbing and breathing softly.

I heard the flush and footsteps going to the sink.

"Hey, do you need help?" The female voice was unfamiliar. At first, I thought she might be talking to someone else, but then she came to my stall.

"It's not as bad as you think, really. It actually looks pretty." she said.

"Yeah, sure. I have eyes, I know how bad it looks, you know?" I whispered back. I was very quiet, but she seemed to have heard me.

"I'm serious. Really."

There was silence. "Aren't you going to come out?" the girl asked.

"No." I whispered, and at the end, it turned into a sob.

"I'm Marlene. What's your name?"

She was kind to me, but I wasn't really in a condition to answer properly. As her footsteps moved away slightly, panic surged within me.

"I'm (y/n)." I finally said in a firmer voice.

"Okay, (y/n), you can always come to me and my friends if someone bothers you, okay?" Her voice turned serious, and it held a promise.

"Okay." I replied. "Thank you."

I could hear the smile in her voice. "Always happy to help."

Then she left.

I was alone for a long time. I had already given up hope that my friend would come and check on me, so I hid, hoping that eventually, there would be no one left outside.

But eventually, I heard voices approaching the restroom. They stood outside the girls' restroom door and seemed to be arguing. And then, I recognized them.

"Omg, I just don't understand you! Your best friend is in there, and you're out here laughing as if nothing happened!" Sirius scolded my friend.

Seraph just groaned annoyed. "And here I thought you were following me to apologize."

Sirius took a sharp breath. "Are you even listening to me? (Y/n) was just humiliated in front of everyone, why don't you go in and see her?"

Seraph's voice grew louder. "Just because something stupid happened to her, and she's hiding in the restroom, doesn't mean I should let it ruin my fun too. Fuck, if we hadn't swapped drinks on a whim, I'd have the green hair, right? I can be thankful for that; that would've been the worst!"

Tears welled up in me again.

Sirius' voice also grew louder. "Is it always just about you? Wait, I know it is, I've been with you long enough. You're one of the most selfish and narcissistic people I know! There's your reason why I don't want anything to do with you!"

Seraph laughed loudly in response. "Now I'm the bad one? Oh please, Sirius, don't make a fool of yourself! I think we both know why her hair is now this disgusting green. You and your friends wanted to dye my hair because you know how much I care about it!"

Her voice grew slightly softer. "Your actions have consequences, Sirius. You know you're to blame for her crying her eyes out in there."

Then it was silent. I heard my breath and my heart beating for a while. Than there was a loud clapping sound. It was sounding like a slap.

"Are you going to check on her now?" Sirius said much calmer than before. Seraph had slapped him.

"You know what, Sirius? Fuck you, seriously! Instead of apologizing to me for this prank, I'm now supposed to clean up your mess!" Seraph yelled at him.

"She has the green hair, not you. She's your friend; I don't think she wants to see me. Besides, it's the girls' restroom." Sirius said, almost accusatory.

"That's your problem. I don't have to cling to my friends all the time like a parasite; I'm allowed to have some fun too!" Then I heard her running away.

She didn't have fun with me? Was I just a clingy parasite to her?

I heard Sirius sigh. Then I heard his footsteps fading away, and I had never felt so alone.

I stayed in the girls' restroom for a long time. I was ashamed to come out. Eventually, when I couldn't hear anyone anymore, I sneaked away in the shadows of the darkness, heading to the Hufflepuff common room.

From there, I went to my shared room with other girls. They were already asleep; I must have spent quite a long time in the restroom. My eyes burned from all the tears that had been shed, and my hair seemed to glow in the darkness.

I tiptoed into my bed and pulled the blanket over my head to hide my hair. I was afraid to face the school. But now it was the weekend. I could continue hiding here for a while.

"(y/n)? Are you there?" Lydia, one of my roommates, asked. She seemed nice, but since I was always with Seraph, we had never really talked. Until now.

"Yes?" I whispered back. I was afraid she might see my ugliness, afraid she would laugh at me too.

"Don't you want to have breakfast?" Her voice was gentle, with a hint of concern.

"No, I'm not really hungry," I replied, not moving an inch under my blanket.

"Okay, we'll go then."

"Mhm…" I hummed and waited until everyone had left. Then, I slowly got up and went to the small bathroom. I locked the door and looked in the mirror.

Unchanged.

If my tears hadn't run out from last night, I would have burst into tears again.

I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then I stepped into the shower. I scrubbed and scrubbed my hair, but the color wouldn't fade away.

I spent a lot of time in the shower. At some point, I just let the water pour down on me, drowning my thoughts. My skin turned red, and I sank to the shower floor.

I was simply exhausted.

Eventually, I turned off the water and just sat there, too exhausted and scared to come out.

Knocking woke me from my slumber. I had fallen asleep on the floor.

"(y/n)? Are you in there?"

I tried to answer, but my voice wouldn't obey me. I layed helplessly on the floor, attempting to say something, but nothing came out.

"(y/n)? Hey, what's wrong?"

I tried to sit up, but I felt dizzy. I leaned against the wall and finally managed to say something. "Nothing, I'm fine."

There was a brief silence. "Have you eaten anything?"

"Yes," I lied, not wanting her to worry unnecessarily.

"But you weren't at dinner. Black asked about you," she said.

Dinner? How long had I been lying here on the floor? Sirius asked about me?

"I'll come out soon," I said, attempting to get up. But suddenly everything spun, and my stomach churned. I looked down at the sink, and before I realized what was happening, I vomited.

"OMG, ARE YOU VOMITING? DON'T SAY YOU'RE FINE!" Lydia suddenly shouted from outside. I vomited again, and in the end, my legs gave out. I collapsed under the sink, new tears streaming down my face.

"(Y/N), LET ME IN!" Lydia continued to scream. She was panicking.

"Don't worry. It's over," I whispered weakly. "I'm okay now, I just felt nauseous."

"Are you sure?" Lydia asked in a calmer but still concerned tone.

"Yes, I'll be out soon."

I waited until they were asleep, then I tiptoed to my bed in the darkness. Once again, I hid under my blanket, hoping I would never be seen again.

When I woke up again, it was early. The others were still asleep. I didn't move and just waited to fall asleep again. I could hardly feel my legs, and my stomach churned.

Under the blanket, it was stifling, and after a while, breathing became painful. But I didn't want to uncover myself because then my hair would be visible.

I was scared. I could only hide today. Tomorrow, at the latest, I had to be there for the first class. The thought sent a cold shiver down my spine.

Would Seraph help me? No, actually, I didn't want to think about her. It would only remind me of her words in front of the bathroom. Just like Sirius and his friends.

Eventually, I gave up and sneaked into the bathroom. There was no trace of what happened yesterday. I washed my face and brushed my teeth again, looking into the mirror.

No matter how I looked at myself, the neon green hair always caught my eye. This color simply didn't suit me and didn't look good on me. Seraph would definitely rock it.

"I think we both know why her hair is now this disgusting green. You and your friends wanted to dye my hair because you know how much I care about it!"

But she wouldn't want to. And she doesn't have to.

I crept back into my bed and pulled the blanket over my head again. I had fresh oxygen now. Slowly but surely, I fell asleep again.

I was awakened by the movements of the others. They were getting ready for their weekend. I wished so much to be someone else and just enjoy my weekend. But with my hair, I wouldn't go anywhere.

"(y/n)? Are you still alive?" Maya asked ironically. I had never spoken to her, just like Lydia. "Yes, don't worry," I whispered back.

"Do you want to have breakfast with us today?" Maya asked. I had never had breakfast with them. We only saw each other in the room.

"Nice of you, but I'm not hungry." I felt sick and felt like a corpse.

"Hey, you didn't have breakfast yesterday either. Are you sure you don't want anything today?" Maya asked, and I answered with a soft yes.

She was silent for a while. But then she said in a new serious tone, "But you'll come with us tomorrow! And you will have breakfast, okay?"

I wanted to trust her, but I was so afraid that the same thing could happen as at the party. That they would all laugh at me. Still, I gave her my agreement and waited until they were out.

Then I slowly got out of my bed and got dressed. At first, I wanted to read, but the letters blurred before my eyes, and my head hurt terribly.

I locked myself in the bathroom again so that no one could see me when they came into our room. The others were nice, but I just didn't want anyone to see me.

I combed my hair, hoping that they would lose some color, but then I gave up. There was nothing to be done; my hair was green. I had to accept it.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I became as quiet as possible, so no one would think someone was inside. The others weren't here, so the person would leave soon. It definitely wasn't Seraph.

"Whisky? Hey, I come in slowly, okay?"

Sirius. Of all the people here, Sirius was here to check on me.

He had done it. He and his friends. James, whom I trusted. Whom I worked with. Sirius, who wanted to defend me in front of Seraph, had humiliated me in front of everyone. And now he wanted to check on me? It had to be a bad joke.

"Are you in the bathroom? Am I disturbing?" he asked, sounding almost nervous.

"Yes." I just wanted him to go away.

He laughed nervously. "I'll wait here in the room for you, okay?"

NO, NO, NO! Anything but that!

"How did you even get in here?" I finally asked to get him to leave. But he answered quite normally and didn't seem to be ashamed of being in a girls' room.

"Your roommates gave me the password, and coming to the girls' sleeping quarters was no problem."

I fell silent and sat back down on the bathroom floor. If I stayed in here long enough, he would eventually leave and give up.

After a while of silence, he said something again. "Hey, is everything okay with you? What are you doing in there for so long?"

Since I had no answer to the second question, I just ignored it. "I'm fine," I said simply, hoping it would be enough.

He sighed. Apparently, it wasn't enough. "Whisky, I can understand that you don't want to see me, but I've been worried. You didn't even eat yesterday, and Lydia said you vomited."

"Don't call me that."

His voice changed from concerned to surprised. "What?"

"Don't call me Whisky!" I said louder. I couldn't stand hearing that nickname right now, especially from him.

There was silence for a while, but then Sirius laughed softly. "Okay, darling, if that's what you want. But actually, I'm here to bring you some food."

What?

"I'm not hungry," I said softly. I heard him sigh in response.

"Darling, you didn't eat yesterday; you have to eat something. Come out, please." His voice sounded almost pleading. Something in me weakened at that tone, and the anger towards him faded away.

But not the shame.

"You can leave it outside the door, and I'll eat it later," I said to make a compromise.

"But then I won't know if you really ate it!" he said now, desperation in his voice.

"I promise you I'll eat it," I said then. I could only hope that my word was enough for him.

"But I also wanted to check on you, see how you're doing," his voice became softer.

"I already said I'm fine."

Now his voice was so soft that I could barely hear it. "But I actually wanted to see you."

The anger from before suddenly rushed back, and I felt like some special animal at the zoo. "Sirius, if you came here to make fun of me, you can leave quickly," I said, my voice cold.

"No, I don't mean it that way. I didn't come to see your hair but to see you. Please, come out. Please!" Now he was really pleading.

I was afraid to meet his gaze, afraid that he had to hold back his laughter.

But something in me gave in, and my trembling legs moved towards the door. Slowly, I unlocked it. Then I waited for a moment to catch my breath before pressing down the door handle.

Sirius was sitting on my bed, looking down at the floor. I slowly walked towards him. Then I stopped and didn't know what to do next.

Then he looked up at me, meeting my eyes with that concern, but also with something I couldn't decipher. I had never seen such a look before.

"Come, darling, have something to eat," he whispered to me, pointing to the spot next to him, where he had brought some food.

I sat down slowly next to him, keeping a visible distance. Then I took the cutlery he had brought and tried to focus on the food. But it was difficult with Sirius Black sitting next to you, looking at you with that expression.

I took a bite and chewed. Then I swallowed, and for a moment, everything was fine. The next moment, I rushed to the bathroom and vomited.

"Damn it, darling, you look terrible! Why didn't you say anything? You need to go to the infirmary!" Sirius stood behind me, pulling my hair out of the way. He stroked my back and continued whispering to me. "Come on, I'll take you there."

Then everything went black.

I saw white. The ceiling was white and seemed so far away. I wasn't in my bed. I was in the infirmary. Alone.

I slowly sat up, which demanded a lot of energy from me. I was separated from the others by a curtain around my bed, which relieved me.

But why was I here? What happened? What time was it?

I looked at the small nightstand next to me, where a little bouquet of flowers lay. There was a card attached to it.

'I don't know if you want to see me, but I hope you get better very soon! And take better care of yourself!

Sirius.'

The card was small but nice, and somehow it meant a lot to me.

Suddenly, the curtain was pulled aside, and Madam Pomfrey stood in front of me. She looked at me critically and shook her head. "Well, at least you're awake. But I've never seen anything like this! What were you thinking?"

"What?" I was confused. I didn't purposely faint; I couldn't control that.

"Well, not eating anything and drinking so little! Your circulation, especially your stomach, completely collapsed, which led to vomiting and fainting. Now your stomach is irritated, and you'll have to eat soup for a while." She placed some things on my nightstand, probably tablets.

"And I've never seen Sirius so panicked, and I see him here often. About every month to be exact, but this is different. Don't scare your boyfriend like that!"

I felt heat rising inside me and tried to suppress it. That was wrong; he was seraph's ex. But hadn't I already liked him before?

"I'm not his… I mean, he's not my-"

She furrowed her brow. "Not? He wouldn't leave your side and literally carried you in here. I thought you two were… well, maybe that will happen later. For now, you should focus on your health. You should've done that a long time ago!"

I only vaguely registered what she said. Sirius brought me here? Carried me here? THROUGH THE WHOLE CASTLE??

And I thought my hair would make me stand out, but now everything is ruined. I could already smell the rumors and suddenly had a terrible fear of leaving here. I used to never stand out next to seraph. But now? Now, I had attention, only the bad kind.

"What time is it?" I asked to distract myself.

"It's 6 PM on Monday. I'll bring you your dinner, and you'll eat it, young lady! You won't leave here until the day after tomorrow when your circulation is fully recovered." She said with a threatening tone. I nodded and started eating. I had slept for almost an entire day, and yet, I was still tired.

Somehow, I managed to finish the soup and almost immediately fell asleep again.

I woke up to footsteps. Steps coming towards my bed. I became more nervous as they got closer. Then the curtains were pulled aside, and Seraph stood in front of me.

When her gaze met mine, she frowned. Her eyes fell on my hair, and I felt terribly small. Then she looked into my eyes. Her gaze was cold. No smile, no encouragement.

"Well, well, our little attention seeker is here." She spat the words out and looked at me as if I had committed the greatest crime.

"What do you mean?" I asked, even though I knew it would make her angry. But I couldn't apologize for something I didn't know.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Oh, please, all this playing the victim is disgusting. All for the attention of a boy! And my ex, no less! You're truly a snake!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't pretend to be innocent! You're a little parasite who always clings to others and seeks their attention! I'm sick of you! And you wonder why I didn't tell you about the party? Simply because I'm ashamed of you! I hate being seen with you, and yet I put up with it! And how do you thank me? You try to go after my boyfriend! I don't regret giving you that potion! At least with that hair, there's something special about you, apart from your best friend!"

Every word stabbed my heart and tore it apart a little more. Every word seemed to drive her further into a rage. "You purposely gave me the potion drink? You knew about the prank?" I whispered with tears in my eyes.

"Well…" She laughed briefly. "It wasn't hard to figure out that something was in the drink. And I thought, why not let you try it. Don't worry; you weren't a bigger laughingstock than usual."

"I don't know what's gotten into you, but I never tried to take Sirius away from you or whatever you think!" I couldn't believe what was happening here.

"Oh, don't worry, I know you wouldn't have a chance with him anyway. He's only with you because he feels guilty and wants to annoy me. But we both know he's not interested in you." She mocked me.

"What's your problem?" I finally asked. "What have I done to you?"

She stomped aggressively. Then she looked into my eyes and came to my bed. Before she could say anything, her gaze fell on the flowers. I wanted to put them away, but she already grabbed the card.

"You've always attached yourself to me and hoped to get something from me. You waited until you could steal everything from me!" And then she ran away.

I stared after her and cried. I cried for a long time. Even though I knew none of the things she said were true, a part of me believed her. I had always been with her; maybe I really was too much. Perhaps I deserved all of this. Maybe I really was a snake.

"Love?"

Sirius.

I tried to wipe away my tears as quickly as possible and compose myself.

"I heard you woke up yesterday. Couldn't you have done that when I was here? I waited here yesterday until evening."

He was at my bedside now. "You really scared me."

He sat on the chair next to my nightstand, right beside me. I looked away so he wouldn't see my tear-streaked face.

"You waited for me to wake up?" It didn't feel right, not after the conversation with Seraph.

"Yes, of course. I was worried." Then there was silence. Seraph hadn't been worried. Seraph didn't even ask if I was feeling better.

"Wouldn't you have wanted me here when you woke up?" he asked, his voice suddenly vulnerable.

"What? Of course, I would have wanted you here?!" I said nervously.

He chuckled softly. "Are you saying you want me here with you?" His voice was playful.

I blushed. "What do you want from me?" I asked. I didn't know how to handle Sirius. I just didn't know what he wanted from me.

"Just the truth, darling, just the truth. Now tell me," he turned my face to him so he could look at me. "why were you crying?"

His hand remained on my cheek. "It's stupid." I whispered, trying to change the subject. But he shook his head. "It's not stupid if it made you cry. Please be honest with me, love. What hurt you so much?"

I had to look away to avoid his gaze. "Seraph was just here. She said some things, and I…" I didn't know why I was telling him this; I barely knew him. But there was something about Sirius that made me open up to him.

"What kind of crap did she spew this time?" Sirius's voice became tense and almost aggressive.

I looked into his eyes. Despite his tone, they were warm, soft, and kind. Yet, because of him, I had these hair now. Because of him, I was humiliated in front of everyone. Seraph's words echoed in my head. What if he was only here to make her angry?

"It's nothing important. But she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore." I said finally, looking away.

"She doesn't want anything to do with you? She should be grateful you put up with her for so long!" He said, annoyed. "Probably because of me, right? Because I brought you here yesterday?"

I couldn't look him in the eyes. "She thinks that…" I couldn't say it, but I didn't have to.

"I know what she thought."

We sat there in silence, and I felt terrible. What was I without Seraph? She had always been my friend, always decided what I should do.

But part of me was angry. Angry that she was playing with me like this. Angry that I could let myself be so influenced by her.

"Would it bother you?" Sirius suddenly asked.

"What?" I asked back.

He looked into my eyes. "If she thought we were together?"

My heart started racing, and I tried to look away, but I couldn't. His eyes seemed to hypnotize me.

"If the whole school thought there was something between us, would you be ashamed?" he continued.

"I don't know-" I was speechless; how could I answer that?

He laughed softly. "Do you not want to make Seraph really angry?"

Not really. But when I realized what he was talking about, my heart

continued to weaken.

"We can give her ego a little blow," he said with that irresistible Sirius Black smile.

"Sirius, I don't know…"

"Besides, it would take the focus off the prank, you know?" he said softly. His enthusiasm suddenly wavered. "And if it's too much for you, we can always stop! Let's just pretend to be together for 1-2 months or something."

1-2 months with him? Actually, I wanted to spend more time with him, get to know him. But doing this would only make Seraph angry. Seraph would think she was right.

In a moment of weakness, I nodded. "Okay."

He smiled at me. "Then starting tomorrow, we'll be a couple, darling."

#marauders era #marauders #the marauders #dead gay wizards #harry potter #sirius black #james potter #sirius x reader #sirius black angst #sirius black x reader #sirius black fic #sirius black x female reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #toxic friends

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prettybabybaby · 13 days

Note

Toxic! Sirius taking the readers virginity but him not knowing until after they have sex. Obviously pre-breakup!

wait but what if it was post-breakup…

toxic!sirius somehow finding out that he was your first after you broke up and suddenly he’s extremely obsessed with that… like he doesn’t like you anymore, he’s completely uninterested but the thought of someone else fucking you just triggers something in him. every time you get even remotely close to a guy he comes crawling back to you, sending you texts and loving gestures that have your heart fluttering the hope that he will get back together with you growing. he always ends up convincing you to sleep with him, telling you that no one will ever fuck you as good as he does and you don’t know any better because you’ve never been with anyone else…

even better if he never even satisfies you… he always leaves you frustrated because he only fucks you for his satisfaction. as soon as he cums he pulls out while you lay spent but so close to an orgasm you’ll never get…

#sirius (belle’s version)#by belle !#toxic!sirius #sirius x reader #sirius smut #marauders #marauders era #marauders smut #hp marauders #marauders x reader #sirius black x reader #sirius #sirius black

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soapyblubbles · 1 year

Text

⟡˙⋆𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤⋆˙⟡

pairings: toxic!sirius x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of cheating, dacryphilia, degradation, bondage (readers hands are tied), orgasm denial, overstimulation, toxic relationships, sirius covers readers mouth

summary: sirius figures out what you and james did a few weeks ago.

a/n: so there will definitely be more to this. i’m not going to promise when because for some reason every time i do, i spiral. anyways here is the filth, enjoy!!

It had been weeks since that night with James.

You both had been shying away from each other, memories replaying in your minds over and over with each accidental shared glance. You thought you’d been hiding it well.

Not well enough, apparently.

“Thought you could get away with it, didn’t you?” You shake your head, protests muffled by the palm on your mouth. You long to reach for him like you always do but his tie is wrapped around your wrists, meant to deter you from doing just that.

Sirius’ hips push into yours meanly, angry and unrelenting. “Thought you wouldn’t get a punishment after letting poor Jamie fuck you?” Sirius sneers out. He quickly gets the pressure in your abdomen to build, dragging you until your right on the verge of cumming before abruptly pulling out, leaving you panting and twitching. Aching for relief.

“No!” You cry out, tears filling your eyes at his words. You’re too far gone to realize that he’s just fucking with you at this point. Trying to get you back to the brink of tears. It works though.

Every. Single. Time.

“I bet you're secretly waiting for the right moment. So you can get all of our friends to take their shot. And you.. you’ll let them, won’t you?” He remarks cruelly, quickening his pace. He hasn’t come yet, the pleasure of watching you be pushed to your limits quickly overcame any desire he had to.

“If you ask me— only if you ask me to.” You gasp out, trying not to let your legs close in order to stave off the mounting pleasure.

Sirius groans, looking positively gleeful. He chuckles derisively as he mutters a quiet disbelieving, “Of course you fucking will.”

His hips slows as he pushes away the hair clinging to your damp forehead, a mocking smile suddenly flitting across his face. “You know why pup?” His voice is far too sweet for you to fall for his trap. The saccharine tone warning you of the filth about to spew from his mouth. You tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop but the sudden feel of his soft lips pecking the tip of your nose startles you.

You look up at him hopefully then, stars in your eyes. “Because I’m yours?” It’s whispered pitifully, questioningly, and all you desperately want to do is please him.

“That’s right, you’re fucking mine.”

#hunnie.writes #lovesick au #marauders band au #marauders era #sirius black x reader #dark sirius black x reader #sirius black #sirius orion black #dark sirius black #toxic sirius black #sirius black smut #sirius black blurb #sirius black one shot #sirius black fic

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inkdrinkerworld · 9 months

Note

honestly this is controversial but for me sirius with a cry baby reader is always like “what’s the matter baby” “no come give me a hug” like he shelters you 100% anytime you’re crying he’s there to help like he just needs to feel wanted and needed by you i think

like he thinks it’s so pure and sweet when you cry he just wants to shelter that innocence

however when ur crying in the bedroom? then the sympathetic nature becomes mocking

YES!!! THIS IS THE EXACT VIBE I GET FROM HIM TOO!!! the only time he really teases you for your tears are if it's in the bedroom or he'd be holding back a smirk as you cry about a crappy ending for your favourite characters in a book or movie!! but in general, sirius sees tears and he does the opposite of what he got!! he coddles like crazy because he knows from the many times james has gotten him in a cuddle that it really does help!

#sirius unlearns a lot of toxic shit for you #im CONVINCED #my nonnies🤍#siriusblack #sirius black x reader

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hearts4court · 9 months

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this one should be angsty but,,,,

like a tattoo by sade with regulus black

specific lyrics – he told me sweet lies of sweet loves heavy with the burden of the truth and he spoke of his dreams broke by the burden broken by the burden of his youth

Like a Tattoo.

A/N: ahhh i felt very villainous while writing this. I added Sirius into this because i just love the idea of Toxic!Regulus getting his girlfriend taken by his brother. 🤭 Also this song went straight into my playlist and has been on replay for 45 mins.

Started: 8/6/23 — 8/23/23

Pairings: Regulus Black X Fem!reader, Sirius Black X Fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, manipulation, toxic!Regulus, bad spelling, cheating, kissing, mentions of mental health, horribly translated french, this was so short m’sorry.

Lemme know if i miss anything! :)

He told me sweet lies of sweet loves, heavy with the burden of the truth.

“I love you, Y/N. I’d never do anything to hurt you.” were the words Regulus spoke to you, as he hugged you, rocking you back in forth.

“You’re the only girl i want. No one else.” he said softly. “No one will take you from me.” he whispered sternly and coldly making you hum in response, he brought your head to his chest as he rocked you back in forth.

“Sirius lied to you. I would never cheat on you. Nor would i hurt you, i love you.” he said, continuing to sound stern and cold, clenching his jaw at what his brother said.

“Stay away from Sirius.”

~~~

“I’m telling you, Y/N! He’s manipulating you into staying with him!”Sirius whisper yelled as you two sat in your dorm. “I know i just— i don’t wanna leave him. I can’t hurt him i’m not-“ before you could finish your sentence Sirius cut you off. “that kinda person. Yeah, yeah, i know. Look, as your best friend i’m just gonna say i think you should break up with him. He’s toxic and he’s gonna ruin your mental health.”He said as he placed a hand on your shoulder.

“I know, i know.” you said with a sigh.

and he spoke of his dreams,

“i love you so much, Y/N. i wanna spend my life with you..” Regulus said as he caressed your temple. “but i can’t..it’s not you it’s.. My brother. Sirius is trying to steal you from me, but i won’t let him.” he added, making you perk your head up at him”Reggie..Sirius is just my friend nothing more.” you reassure causing him to scoff before he softened his gaze.

“Tell me you love me.” he said as he stared daggers into you making you gulp,”I love you, Reggie.” you say, “say it again.” he said, “i love you, Regulus.” you say once more, making him smile.

“Good.”

Broken by the burden, the burden of his youth.

Sirius didn’t see you in potions, he got worried. At the end of the day after al of his classes, he skipped quidditch practice and ran straight to your dorm. His heart shattering at the sight of you curled up on your bed, crying your eyes out.

“Oh.. Y/N, what happened, darling?” Sirius asked as he approached you and comforted his best friend.

“Regulus he— He cheated on me!! with a-a girl from Slytherin…”you sob as he cooed and pulled you into his chest to hug you, you quickly wrap your arms around his chest and cry into his shirt. Sirius was pissed. How could Regulus do that to you? someone has beautiful, loving, sweet and smart as you?

He wanted to find his brother and kick his ass, but he didn’t. He wanted to, he needed to stay and comfort you. “ma belle.. don’t cry, he doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone who will treat you right and not just use and manipulate you.” Sirius said as he kissed your head making you look up at him, locking eyes with him.

The room was quiet, the tension thick. Very thick. Sirius hesitated, but he leaned down and kissed your lips softly and lovingly. To his surprise, you kissed back quickly, melting into his arms.

Regulus was always so rough and needy with his kisses, but Sirius.. his kisses were loving and soft. He pulled back and opened his eyes, moving your hair out of your face,”Sirius i.. i love you. i love you so much.”you admit as your wrap your arms around his chest once more, causing him to pull you into his lap wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face into your neck. “je t'aime..” he whispered into your ear.

Don’t copy, translate or repost any of my work w/o my permission.

#the marauders era #the marauders x reader #regulus black x reader #sirius black x reader #sirius black #regulus black #reggie black #regulus black x female reader #sirius black x female reader #regulus angst #sirius black fluff #regulus black angst #toxic!regulus x fem!reader #bsf!sirius x fem reader

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aza-writes · 9 months

Text

Masterlist (Taylor’s Version)

I cry a lot but I am so productive, it’s an art

All fics I’ve written based on Taylor or her songs

Call Him

Tom Holland x sister!reader

Ticket Master Fiasco

Tom Holland x sister!reader

Right Where You Left Me

Past Bucky Barnes x reader

Illicit Affairs

Abo universe, Sirius black x reader, regulus black x reader

Don’t Blame Me for What You Made Me Do

Matteo Riddle x reader

#bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barns imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x sister!reader #bucky barnes x reader #tom holland #regulus black x reader #regulus black smut #sirius black smut #sirius x reader #sirius black x reader #toxic!sirius

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pandemoniumskey · 2 years

Text

I’ve Got You - Sirius Black X Reader

The Masterlist

Heyo Everyone,

Request by @turvi: Like dark mafia Sirius and reader comes from a toxic family comes up to him crying and upset he can't see his bunny upset he "takes care" of them tells reader she doesn't need them he will give her a family just his pups and him?

Just saying, this request is awesome and I had a blast writing it. I hope I was able to do your idea justice.

For more Harry Potter content, go check out their stuff as well.

If you have a request idea, just let me know.

WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS VERBAL ABUSE AND MURDER.

Love you all,

Pandemonium

-------------------------------------------------------

Sirius Orion Black was your everything. It didn’t matter to you that he was part of some mafia gang, he always treated you like a queen and gave you the world. He said it was what you deserved. Though you didn’t always believe him.

You loved the moments you spent alone with. The lazy days where you just laid with your head on his lap, the breeze playing against your skin as you sat in his private back yard. Or the days where he took you on dates, or went for long walks.

What you loved must were the days where you just stayed with him in bed most of the day and just cuddled. He gave the best cuddles.

It was unfortunate that these days happened so rarely. You were often stuck at home with your toxic family.

A day like today, was one of the days you wished you were with Sirius. You were in your room, you hadn’t eaten in three days after their last slew of insults. Your families favourite pass time was making fun of you.

You heard all that time that you needed to lose weight because of how fat you were, and that you were ugly because of all the weight. They said you took up too much space.

You were also used to being called a waste of space, useless, a cow, among other hurtful things.

Though you were used to all the insults, it still hurt and often caused you to stop eating. It would take Sirius a long time to get you to eat something and the on-slot of insults would come and the cycle would repeat again. It was wearing you thin, and you didn’t know how much more you could take before you did something stupid to yourself.

You really did wish they would stop and just love you instead, but that was a no go. The day your family stopped insulting you was the day the pope would come to your house for dinner, and not the living pope, the dead ones.

There was a tap on your window. You turned around and saw that lovely face of Sirius looking at you through the glass. You slid your window open and allowed him to crawl in.

He sat on your bed, the look of concern you knew too well on his face.

“How long has it been this time?” You tried acting like you had no idea what he was talking about. “(Y/N), I’m being serious.”

“Three days,” you let your head drop not meeting his eyes. You couldn’t. You knew he would be disappointed and you hated that look on his face. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this Sirius. I can’t handle much more from them Sirius.”

You began to sob, pressing your hands against your eyes. He pulled your hands away from your face and pulled you into a hug. You wrapped your hands tightly around him and sobbed harder into his shoulder. “I can’t do it.”

“(Y/N), the offer still stands, move in with me and you won’t ever have to worry about them again,” he said and you protested.

“I don’t want to be a burden to you,” you whispered. You remembered all your families insults included you being a burden to them and to Sirius. “What about them? Do you know what they would do if I left and they lost their favourite punching bag?”

“Don’t you worry about them, I’ll take care of them,” he said. “Pack your bags and come with me. Please.”

It wasn’t often that you heard that pleading in his voice. You nodded and got your things together. Within the next hour, you got everything you held precious in your heart, your clothes and other amenities and were in his room lying on his bed.

He was laying next to you playing with your (h/c) hair with gentle fingers. He always knew how to make you fall asleep, and soon your eyes drifted shut.

Sirius POV

It made him so angry seeing you lying on his bed looking so broken, knowing it was your family that did this to you. He was going to take care of them once and for all. No more would they be able to hurt you. No more would you hear the insults they threw at you.

He had enough of picking up your broken pieces and putting you back together when you could just be whole and happy all the time.

He went to their house. He knocked on the door, but not waiting for an answer, he knocked the door over striding into the house.

“The fuck are you doing!” Your father shouted, producing a gun.

Sirius growled, his vicious side coming out. Few people knew his ability of becoming a giant dog. He and the mafia he was part of were the only people he knew of that could change their forms. (Y/N) had the ability too, but he refused to allow her to join until she could be his and only his.

Because so few people knew of this ability, he intended to use that side today, to tear them limb from limb and make them unrecognizable.

“Sirius what are you doing here?” Your mother said coming into the room, she always had a thing for flirting with Sirius when your father wasn’t in the room, he thought it was disgusting. It always made his skin crawl.

“Fucker just comes barging in here!” your father says waving the gun around. Sirius wasn’t scared. He was angry, when he felt intensely angry, no other emotion could permeate. “He’s probably here to get that fat bitch and bring her to his house to fill up like the disgusting cow she is.”

Your mother laughed at that and the switch flipped in Sirius’s head. That was all he needed. He snarled, sinking to all fours and becoming the great black dog everyone associated with death.

He lounged for your father first. His claws sank into his chest and the man began to scream as he was forced onto his back on the floor. As a dog, you were his mate, and nobody hurt his mate without paying for it. And once he mated, he was mated for life. He would love you and love you forever.

His jaws opened and he snapped at the mans arm shaking him like a toy before his arm tore away. He screamed more and Sirius moved on to clawing and ripping away at the rest of his body until he stopped moving. Blood covered the living room. He was satisfied with his work.

The woman laughed again hysterically, “you did that all for me didn’t you handsome. Now we can be together without any interruptions. Dump (Y/N) and be with me instead.”

Sirius turned to her and walked closer. He snapped at her quickly, making quick work of her. Once she too was dead he made his way back to your father and lifted his leg, urinating on his remains and left the house. If you would have had any siblings, he would have either saved them, or killed them as well, but you were the only child, which made his job easy.

He didn’t become human again until he was in his house. He made his way to his room where you were still sleeping. He prayed he wouldn’t wake you up before he could get into the bathroom. He looked at you for a moment, all the love he felt for you bubbling up in his chest.

Quickly, he turned away and began gathering his things for a shower. He didn’t want you seeing him covered in blood.

Your POV

You woke up with a yawn and noticed Sirius with his back to you. He was covered in blood, and all sleepiness was removed from you.

“Sirius, is that your blood?” He frozen and turned around.

“No,” was all he said.

“Who’s is it then?”

“Promise you won’t be mad at me?” That question made you worry for a moment.

“I promise, just tell me who’s blood it is.”

“Your parents. I told you I’d take care of them and I did,” he said it quickly, pleading with you with his eyes not to be mad at him.

You never would have thought Sirius would do such a thing for you. It made your heart swell with love, how could you be angry with this man for setting you free. You smiled.

“I’m not mad at you. Thank you,” you whispered, standing up and walking over to him. You hugged him tight, not caring if you got blood all over you. You needed Sirius to see how grateful you were.

“Now that they were taken care of, we can move on with our life,” he said eagerly. “We’ll build our own family, with little pups of our own. I’ll start right now.”

He picked you up, carrying you into the bathroom. You giggled, you loved this man so much.

#sirius x y/n #sirius x you #sirius #sirius orion black #sirius x reader #harry potter #harrypotter #toxic parents #murder #animagus

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r0mantic-f00l · 1 month

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(sirius and the Marauders are not like good people in this story fyi, I apologise please don't kill me :D )

Thunder

Sirius Black was an intoxicating man.

That was a feature most admired of him yet most feared.

He was exhilarating, he could make you feel as if you are eternal, as if you could fly through the clouds, as if you could stay forever young and naïve.

He was also dangerous. Not dangerous in the sense of crime, but rather in the sense of entrapment. Once you felt the exciting rush that came with the mere presence of Sirius Black, you were trapped. Imprisoned in a constant cycle of happiness, of waiting and of misery.

Imprisonment is not the right word, no. Rather, you willingly stayed, going along with a cycle that became normal. Because no matter what he did, no matter how painful he tugged your heart, you stayed. Your heart was his.

-♡-

Booming music vibrated against the floorboards, yet the roaring laughter of Sirius Black and his friends rung over it.

It was a small gathering, not a party, could not be defined as one with only a handful of people there. All were Sirius' friends, friends that you had met only a couple of times. The person you were closest to the most from his little circle was Lily, yet even then it could barely be called a friendship.

You sat in the corner, feeling the water droplets from the condensation of your cider can running down into your fingertips as you watched Sirius with his friends.

He grinned brightly as James told a story about his job or whatever it was, and laughed when Remus mumbled something whitty.

The girls were talking in the kitchen about something, whilst you waited for Sirius to invite you over to his side. You scolded yourself for being so dependant on him, yet you felt like you had no choice but to depend on him in that situation, when you were surrounded by people you barely knew.

"You OK there?" You lifted your head up to Lily, who smiled softly at you, holding a wine glass in her hand.

You nodded and took a sip of your cider.

"Yeah, are you?"

She nodded and took a sip of her wine.

"Can't complain."

She then sat down next to you and glanced over at her fiancée talking to your boyfriend.

"How're you and Sirius?"

Not good. Not healthy. Stuck in a loop of arguing and apologising. Yet you would not exchange it, would not leave him, for anything.

"Good. You and James?" You replied.

"Never better." Lily smiled whilst gazing at James with such adoration in her eyes.

James felt her gaze, like their minds and souls were connected, and smiled at Lily, looking at her in a way that showed his strong love for her, in a way that made everyone know just how much James Potter truly treasured his future wife.

It wasn't fair. It felt cruel watching their love, seeing the way his smile only grew whilst her cheeks deepened in its red colour.

Sirius seemingly had forgotten you were there in the corner, talking loudly to his three friends.

"God, you lot have no idea how frustrating it is to date someone so needy and desperate and clingy. I just want her to fuck off, you know? To just leave me alone sometimes and... I don't know, cling to someone else."

The group laughed in shock to his words.

"No, I'm not joking, honestly if she came home and said she wants an open relationship or some shit, I'd be relieved. Maybe she'd give me a fucking breather or something." Sirius mumbled, grinning when James patted his shoulder whilst chuckling about how 'awful' he is.

"Oh my God, I can't believe he said that." Lily gasped, staring at Sirius with wide eyes as if she was suprised.

You knew she wasn't. You knew she expected that of him, that she knew how harsh he could be with his words. How he broke hearts as if it was nothing but a bit of fun to him.

"It's OK." You murmured, plastering a smile on your face whilst your eyes turned glassy.

This was not the first time you had pretended you were not hurt by him, and it wouldn't be the last. You would let him say the most vile things about you as long as he would come to you with open arms and hold you delicately like you were his everything.

Because you believed you were. Like he was your everything. You loved him. And you believed he loved you. Even if the only times he would say it was when he was inside you.

"Really? You're not gonna say anything to him?" The red-haired girl raised her eyebrow at you, staring at your smile as you stared at Sirius.

You didn't answer her.

"If that was James saying that, I'd throw my ring at his head." Lily murmured whilst lifting her glass to take a sip of her wine.

Her words stung, made you feel like you were a weak, stupid girl.

You weren't. You were in love. You were addicted to Sirius Black.

Lily then left your side to go join the other girls, and you felt truly alone.

Then he looked at you.

Just one glance, one second before he turned away.

And you felt like you had everything you needed right there, with him.

-♡-

It was midnight when you both returned to your shared apartment.

Sirius was drunk, although he argued he was only tipsy whilst slurring his words, and you were sober. You were always the sober one whilst he was always the drunk one, and it would always lead to something different, something that he would say once and never again.

He stumbled into the living room when you unlocked the front door, immediately taking off his shoes and throwing them somewhere that you would have to find the next day.

He unbuttoned his white shirt all the way but left it hanging on his shoulders, and he walked over to the wall-length mirror, pointing at his tattoos and smiling whilst he explained the meaning of them to you.

You grinned, already knowing the meaning of them all, but you let him explain nonetheless.

"We-we should get matching tattoos." He gasped, turning to face you.

"Yeah?" You smiled, knowing he didn't mean it, knowing he would forget he even thought of it the next morning, yet you would still cling to the idea of having an imprint of you on his skin forever.

He nodded enthusiastically and walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Yeah, we could get hearts or flowers or something..." Sirius trailed off, bending down to nuzzle your neck, sighing like he had found his permanent home.

You ran your fingers through his soft hair whilst your other hand rested on the back of his neck, letting yourself relax in his arms.

Unexpectedly, he picked you up and began spinning around, laughing whilst you squealed but joined in with his laughter.

"I'm dizzy." He murmured, and he stopped spinning, yet he still held you like you were a fragile doll.

Before you could say anything, Sirius walked over to the couch and dropped onto it, groaning as you fell with him.

You shook your head whilst chuckling, moving to straddle him as you brushed his hair out of his eyes.

He was gazing up at you like you were the Sun, like you were a goddess, like you were his everything.

"I'm gonna marry you."

You froze.

"W-What?"

He smiled in a goofy way, moving his hand to caress your cheek whilst the other cupped your jaw.

"I'm gonna marry you." He repeated, firmer in his voice, and you kissed him.

You didn't say anything, not even when he called you his bride, not when a couple days after he told you he wanted four children with you, not when two weeks after he told you he wanted to grow old with you.

You didn't say anything when he ignored you, when he complained about you to his friends, when he stepped too close to pretty girls in bars and clubs.

You didn't say anything because deep down, you knew he didn't mean any of it. Yet you still loved him. You always would.

Even if he came home at 4am smelling of beer and perfume, even if he pretended you didn't exist, even if he didn't care when his friends talked shit about you.

You would always end up in his arms.

-♡-

#for some reason tumblr is being stupid but this is based off thunder by lana del rey #bet you guys are glad i came back with this :D #marauders #marauders era #sirius black #sirius black x reader #angst #toxic relationship

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flourish-and-firebolts · 1 year

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L'hésitation de Patmol, Quatrième Partie. Avec Sirius Black x OC (Club des Maraudeurs, Harry Potter) 🐾

❀ Première Partie, Deuxième Partie, Troisième Partie

❀ Cette mini fanfiction raconte l'idylle entre Sirius Black et mon OC, Lysandra Lufkin.

❀ A part Lysandra Lufkin, tous les personnages cités sont issus de l'univers Harry Potter, créé par le génie de J.K Rowling.

❀ Les maraudeurs entament leur cinquième année à Poudlard et le béguin de Sirius pour la belle Lysandra Lufkin n'échappe pas aux yeux observateurs de James. Celui-ci pense qu'en rapprochant les deux tourtereaux, il obtiendrait l'attention de Lily. Une histoire d'amour singulière naît alors entre les deux jeunes sorciers. Sirius pensait tout savoir d'elle mais se rend très vite compte qu'il ne pouvait pas plus se tromper à son sujet.

❀ “J'ai toujours pensé que tu étais le soleil et que moi j'étais la tornade qui te balaierais. J'avais tort. Tu n'es pas lumineuse. Tu as une part d'ombre toi aussi, que tu dissimules derrière des sourires et ton altruisme. ”, Sirius Black à Lysandra Lufkin

Sirius fut réveillé quelques heures plus tard par une lueur bleue. Le mugissement du vent avait été remplacé par le clapotis relaxant de la pluie. Il tâtonna ses draps, à la recherche de sa baguette magique, à peine conscient de ce qui se passait autour de lui.

- Ne mets pas ta baguette si près de son visage,entendit-il Remus chuchoter. Tu vas finir par le blesser.

Il ouvrit les paupières en marmonnant et découvrit trois paires d'yeux braquées sur lui. James brandissait sa baguette en sa direction, dessinant une ombre vacillante sur les visages de ses compères. Il fallut quelques minutes à Sirius pour émerger totalement de sa torpeur.

- Qu'est-ce que vous me voulez ?grommela-t-il.

- James a quelque chose à te dire.

L'intéressé releva brusquement la tête vers Remus, le maudissant à voix basse. Le lycanthrope se contenta de le bousculer avec son épaule. Il s'empourpra. Sirius haussa un sourcil, l'air de le défier de dire quelque chose qui valait la peine d'être entendu. James poussa un soupir mais capitula finalement.

- Je suis désolé de t'avoir piégé,lâcha-t-il en se grattant l'arcade sourcilière. Je pensais vraiment t'aider en faisant cela.

Sirius se redressa et haussa les épaules, sa façon de lui signifier qu'il l'avait déjà oublié même si le souvenir du visage triste de Lysandra brûlait encore dans sa mémoire. Il jeta un coup d'œil par la fenêtre. Le croissant de lune brillait avec désinvolture dans l'épaisseur des nuages noirs d'encre. Il massa l'arête de son nez en soupirant de nouveau. Ses amis ne le quittaient pas des yeux.

- Quoi encore ?

- On t'a ramené quelques snacks de la cuisine, répondit Peter en montrant des sacs pleins à craquer au pied de son lit.

Ils descendirent à pas feutrés dans la salle commune, prenant garde à ne pas tirer leurs camarades de leur sommeil. Ils se regroupèrent tous dans le canapé rouge qui faisait face à la cheminée. Peter déballa sa marchandise volée sur le sol. Sirius se rendit compte que son estomac gargouillait et se jeta aussitôt sur les tartes à la mélasse.

Ils engloutirent leurs victuailles en silence. James et Remus évitaient soigneusement le regard de Sirius et Peter était sur le qui-vive, impatient de savoir qui allait parler le premier. Remus se leva et disparut dans les escaliers en colimaçon. Sirius s'attarda à peine sur le départ de Remus, concentrant toutes ses pensées sur le morceau de jambon qu'il fourra dans sa bouche.

Remus revint des minutes plus tard, chargé de livres et de parchemins. James le regarda comme s'il assistait à un crime.

- Qu'est-ce que tu fais ?

- Je prends de l'avance sur mes cours,expliqua Remus.

- Mais...pourquoi ?

- Tu as jeté un coup d'œil au calendrier récemment ?

James eut une moue de réflexion et son visage s'éclaira.

- Petite balade nocturne en perspective, n'est-ce pas ?

- D'ailleurs, j'espère que vous avez pu vous dégoter vos feuilles de mandragores,rugit-il en déroulant un parchemin. N'oubliez pas, vous devrez en garder une dans la bouche entre les deux prochaines pleines lunes.

- Pour qui tu nous prends ?s'offusquèrent Sirius et James en chœur.

Ils échangèrent un regard entendu. Remus les soupçonna de n'avoir pas encore réalisé la seule tâche qui leur avait été confiée. Il se promit de demander lui-même quelques feuilles au professeur Garlic avant de quitter le château la semaine suivante.

Il retrouva sa place dans le fauteuil, coincé entre Sirius et Peter. Il ouvrit son livre sur les genoux de ce dernier et s'attaqua à l'étude de schémas. Sirius y jeta un coup d'œil par-dessus son épaule et découvrit le schéma de l'objet le plus étrange qu'il n'eut jamais vu. Il fut cependant subjugué par les courbes des différentes pièces en métal représentées. Quoi qu'il fût, l'objet sous ses yeux ne faisait pas partie du monde des sorciers. Il lut la légende en bas du schéma :

La motocyclette, un symbole de liberté et de rébellion.

Un court texte accompagnait le dessin, apparemment tracé à la main par Remus. Il le parcourut en silence, s'émerveillant de chaque détail, allant de l'invention à la popularisation de l'objet dans le monde des moldus. Comment se déplaçaient-ils sur une telle beauté ? Fendaient-ils les airs sur leurs selles, filant à travers les étoiles et rugissant comme des dragons ? Ou alors, glissaient-ils sur le sol, arpentant les montagnes tels des serpents ? Sirius s'émerveilla du génie dont les moldus faisaient preuve pour inventer les moyens de transports. Chaque début de septembre, il les remerciait secrètement d'avoir mis au point les trains qui se révélèrent bien plus confortables que les manches à balais pour les voyages de longue durée.

Symbole de liberté et de rébellion, relut-il. Il pensa à l'arbre généalogique de sa famille qui illustrait la tapisserie du 12 square Grimmaurd et fut frappé de l'envie irrépressible de faire l'acquisition d'une moto.

- Ce sont tes cours d'étude des moldus ?s'intéressa également Peter en se penchant sur le parchemin de Remus.

Il acquiesça distraitement, son index survolant les pages de son livre.

- Qui se charge de prendre des notes pour toi quand tu es absent ?

- Lily et Lysandra m'aident beaucoup.

A l'évocation de son prénom, un nouveau silence tomba, percé de temps à autre par le crépitement du feu dans la cheminée et le frottement de la plume de Remus sur son parchemin.

James se lança :

- J'ai hâte de me retrouver sur le terrain demain. Le premier match de la saison, Gryffondor contre Poufsouffle, ça promet d'être épique.

Ils se concertèrent du regard et se mirent à brailler, imitant une foule en délire, comme si la victoire leur appartenait déjà. Remus fut aussitôt enchanté de prononcer ses pronostics, prédisant des scores serrés entre les deux maisons. Sirius s'affala sur le tapis rouge et or.

- Ce n'est pas juste que je ne puisse pas jouer. Au lieu de vivre mon quart d'heure de gloire, je serai coincé dans les tribunes avec les fans hystériques de James.

- Pas juste ? répéta Remus. Tu sais tout autant que moi que tu méritais cette punition.

Sirius bondit sur ses pieds, un rictus jouant sur ses lèvres roses. Sirius, tout comme James, faisait partie de l'équipe de Quidditch de Gryffondor. Il était fier de jouer au poste de batteur et faisait honneur à son titre sur le terrain. Il était doué. Il aurait dû jouer sa deuxième saison consécutive avec James mais il avait été suspendu par le professeur McGonagall, à la suite d'une farce pendant la cérémonie des répartitions qui avait mal tourné.

En début de cette cinquième et nouvelle année, Sirius voulait son nom sur toutes les lèvres. Son plan était simple : pendant la chanson du Choixpeau magique, il libèrerait des lutins de Cornouailles dans la Grande Salle. Ces derniers créeraient le désordre, retardant la répartition de quelques minutes. Il avait décidé de signer sa blague avec des feux d'artifices épelant son nom dans le ciel de la grande salle. Il avait prévu les enchantements nécessaires pour que tout se déroule selon son plan. Sirius n'avait seulement pas prévu que ses lutins s'en prennent au professeur Garlic ; ces créatures lui inspiraient une phobie irrationnelle. Dans sa panique, elle avait sorti sa baguette magique dont les lutins s'étaient emparés pour la pointer vers le ciel magique de la Grande Salle. Les feux d'artifices furent activés mais n'eurent pas l'effet escompté puisque, au lieu de former des lettres sur le plafond, ils fusèrent dans tous les sens, ricochant sur le Choixpeau magique qui fut hors d'état de répartir pendant tout un mois. Evidemment, les nouveaux élèves se retrouvèrent sans maison, créant une confusion totale dans les salles de classe et les salles communes.

A sa grande surprise, le professeur Dumbledore trouva la farce amusante mais le professeur McGonagall ne fut pas de cet avis et fut bien moins clémente quand elle mit la main sur Sirius. C'est ainsi qu'il fut privé de Quidditch pour toute la saison.

- Avoue-le Remus, c'était un coup de maître.

Remus pouffa et fit mine de se prosterner aux pieds de Sirius.

- Je m'incline devant toi, ô roi des farces et attrapes.

Sirius posa pour un photographe invisible, coiffant ses cheveux de sa cravate qu'il noua autour de sa tête pour imiter une couronne. Ils se rassirent dans le canapé, toujours pliés de rire.

- Il n'y a pas à dire, je te préfère heureux et insouciant,commenta Peter. J'ai l'impression que ton air de chien battu te rendait encore plus séduisant qu'à l'accoutumé.

Remus et James hochèrent la tête pour soutenir ses propos. Sirius retrouva son sérieux. Il se détourna légèrement du feu pour cacher son visage.

- Lysandra m'a invité à sortir, dit-il de but en blanc.

Le malaise enveloppa la salle commune des Gryffondor. Sirius n'entendait plus que le ronronnement essoufflé du feu dans l'âtre. Il se leva pour attiser les flammes avec de nouvelles buches.

- Qu'est-ce que tu lui as dit ?s'enquit James, apparemment très intéressé.

Sirius posa sa tête contre le manteau de la cheminée, les mains plongées dans les poches de son pantalon pour les empêcher de trembler.

- J'ai refusé, évidemment. J'ai prétendu avoir un rendez-vous avec quelqu'un d'autre.

- T'es vraiment un crétin, ma parole !

L'exclamation de Peter surprit tout le monde. Sirius le regarda avec dédain alors que Remus en restait bouche bée. James rit sous cape et enroula son bras autour des épaules de Peter.

- Il a raison, Sirius. Je sais que j'ai été présomptueux en te poussant dans ses bras mais il est clair que tu es dingue de cette fille.

- Je ne suis pas dingue d'elle,réfuta aussitôt Sirius. Je ne la connais même pas ! En cinq ans, on a dû discuter une ou deux fois.

- Ça, c'est parce que tu évites désespérément de te retrouver seul avec elle.

Remus l'avait donc remarqué ; il pensait pourtant être subtil. Il le fixa sans vraiment le voir. Il ignorait pourquoi il s'obstinait tant à cacher ce qu'il ressentait. Il doutait que ses amis comprennent. Lui-même avait encore du mal à se l'expliquer.

- Je l'admets, elle me plaît mais je ne veux pas sortir avec elle. Je ne veux pas lui imposer...ça,ajouta-t-il en en esquissant un geste pour désigner sa personne.

- Je ne comprends pas en quoi c'est une si mauvaise chose.

- J'ai eu une vie plutôt tourmentée, vous trois vous êtes la seule chose de stable dans ma vie.

- Justement, je suis convaincu que Lysandra pourrait t'apporter encore plus de stabilité,répliqua Remus. Enfin quoi, aurais-tu peur de lui briser le cœur ?

- Vous ne comprenez pas,se contenta-t-il de dire en se laissant tomber sur le fauteuil à côté de lui. Ça te paraitra sans doute égoïste Remus, mais ce n'est pas pour son cœur que je m'inquiète.

Il prit la dernière tarte à la mélasse mais au lieu de la manger, il la garda dans sa main, enfonçant ses doigts dans la pate sablée.

- Donne-lui au moins une chance, tenta James à son tour. Tu seras peut-être surpris de découvrir à quel point elle est compréhensive.

- Toi, tu veux juste me caser avec elle pour te rapprocher d'Evans.

- Je veux juste que mon meilleur ami soit heureux. C'est ce que tu souhaiterais pour moi toi aussi, je me trompe ?

Sirius resta muet, attendant la suite. James ne faisait rien au hasard. Certes, c'était un bon ami mais il rendait service aux autres uniquement s'il pouvait gagner au change.

- Ecoute, je te mentirais si je te disais que je n'avais pas eu un but précis en te coinçant seul avec Lufkin.

- James !

Le visage serein de Remus changea brusquement. Il paraissait en colère contre James. Ce dernier l'ignora, préférant lui tourner le dos. Il s'invita sur l'accoudoir du fauteuil où Sirius était assis.

- Tu n'as pas à lui ouvrir toutes les portes de ton cœur, juste assez pour qu'elle ait suffisamment confiance en toi. De cette façon, c'est toi qui gardes la main. Quoi que tu aies peur de lui montrer, ça restera secret.

Il enfonça taquinement son coude dans les côtes de Sirius qui ne décrocha pas l'ombre d'un sourire.

- Si tu ne le fais pas pour être heureux, fais-le pour moi !

- Par la barbe de Merlin, tu t'entends James ?s'écria Remus. Sirius, ne l'écoute pas. Si tu demandes à Lysandra de sortir avec toi, fais-le parce que tu es amoureux d'elle et pas pour aider James dans sa stupide conquête. Sois honnête avec elle sinon c'est elle que tu risques de blesser.

James et Sirius se fixaient, essayant de deviner les pensées de l'autre. Le dernier baissa les yeux pour réfléchir.

- T'es malade,s'indigna Sirius.

Remus poussa un soupir soulagé alors que Sirius se levait de son siège pour dominer James de toute sa hauteur.

- Dis plutôt que tu ne t'en sens pas capable,dit James avec un sourire moqueur. C'est peut-être un défi trop osé pour toi.

- Un défi ?

James acquiesça d'un signe de tête. Sirius recula d'un pas, comme déstabilisé. Qu'est-ce que James pouvait bien avoir en tête ? Il s'était pourtant bien exprimé plus tôt en lui avouant ses appréhensions quant à sa relation avec Lysandra.

- Ou peut-être as-tu peur qu'après avoir passé du temps avec toi, elle ne te trouve plus aussi attirant ?poursuivit James. Elle est si solaire et toi à côté, un esprit tourmenté et vicieux.

Remus les rejoignit, s'imposant entre les deux silhouettes massives de James et Sirius.

- James tais-toi ! Tu vas trop loin.

James ne l'écoutait pas, son regard perdu dans celui de Sirius. Remus sentit ses jambes trembler tandis qu'il priait pour que ses deux amis n'en viennent pas aux mains.

- Qu'est-ce qui te prend James ?demanda Sirius.

Il se contenta d'hausser les épaules.

- Qu'est-ce qui te fait peur ?

- Je n'ai pas peur.

- Alors accepte !

Sirius poussa un soupir. James était comme un frère pour lui et même s'il se moquait ouvertement de lui quand Lily refusait catégoriquement ses avances, il ne pouvait s'empêcher d'avoir de la compassion pour lui. Il ferait tout pour lui, quitte à tuer quelqu'un ou même, lui briser le cœur. Il était prêt à blesser, tromper si cela devait suffire à rendre heureux son ami, la toute première personne à l'avoir aimé et accepté tel qu'il était ; la première personne qu'il put qualifier de famille. C'était son désespoir qui lui faisait parler ainsi, qui le poussait à faire l'impensable.

Sirius fut pris d'un sentiment de culpabilité. Il avait l'impression de trahir James, de bafouer tout ce qu'il avait fait pour lui jusque maintenant. Soudain la perspective de blesser Lysandra au prix de son amitié pour James lui parut moins insupportable. Il n'avait pas à s'ouvrir à Lysandra, juste à lui faire croire qu'il pourrait. Il resterait sur ses gardes. Il passerait du temps avec elle mais il était hors de question qu'il lui parle de ses sentiments. Il s'assurerait que ceux-là restent bien enfouis et ne laisserait transparaître que son charme et son charisme. Il ne lui donnerait pas l'occasion le posséder, il ne lui donnerait pas l'occasion de lui briser le cœur.

- Il ne sera pas question de mes sentiments pour elle,précisa Sirius. Je ferai ce qu'il faut pour qu'elle ait confiance en moi. De là, il me sera facile de me rapprocher d'Evans pour chanter tes louanges.

Remus exprima son désappointement avec une grimace horrifiée. James balança son poing dans les airs.

- Nous avons un pacte !

Le samedi suivant, le château était en effervescence à l'approche du premier match inter-maison qui opposait Gryffondor et Poufsouffle. La météo annonçait une journée radieuse et le soleil couvait tout Poudlard de ses rayons. Le parc fut envahi très tôt par des vagues jaunes et rouges. Sirius avait préféré délaisser les couleurs, beaucoup trop vivaces à son goût pour se parer de sa plus belle veste de cuir. Sur son dos, un lion brodé rugissait fièrement. Remus avait ensorcelé le vêtement pour animer le lion qui se promenait maintenant autour de la silhouette athlétique de Sirius.

James n'avait pas dormi de la nuit, étudiant les techniques et les parades qu'il désirait tenter pendant le match. Il ne laissa à aucun de ses amis le loisirs de s'endormir, les gardant auprès de lui pour qu'ils l'aident à parcourir les listes d'enchaînements dressées par le capitaine de l'équipe de Gryffondor. Au bout de quelques heures, Peter avait prétexté une envie pressante et n'était jamais revenu. Ils l'avaient trouvé emmitouflé dans ses draps au petit matin.

Les quatre compères discutaient avec fièvre sur le chemin du terrain de Quidditch. James semblait plus prétentieux que jamais, soutenant que la victoire reviendrait à Gryffondor.

- N'en sois pas si sûr,contesta Sirius. L'attrapeur de Poufsouffle est redoutable, bien plus que le nôtre. Il faudrait qu'on marque 160 points avant eux pour nous assurer la victoire.

James eut une moue qui se changea très vite en un sourire fat quand il aperçut Lily à l'entrée du stade. Lysandra et Mary l'accompagnaient toujours. Une quatrième personne complétait cette fois, le groupe de filles. Sirius reconnut l'attrapeuse de Poufsouffle, la pétillante Margaret Ebony. Elle avait maquillé ses yeux aux couleurs de sa maison, complémentant sa peau caramel. Elle esquissa un vague mouvement de tête vers James pour le saluer. Même pendant les tensions d'avant-match, un Poufsouffle n'était jamais hostile.

- On se retrouve sur le terrain Potter,chantonna-t-elle avant de disparaître dans un clin d'oeil.

James l'ignora, préférant accorder toute son attention à Lily. Cette dernière devina son prochain mouvement et leva les yeux au ciel, en réponse à ce que James s'apprêtait à dire. Sirius tenta de croiser le regard de Lysandra mais elle gardait obstinément les yeux rivés sur un point invisible entre James et Lily.

- J'espère que tu as ramené tes lunettes de soleil Evans, autrement tu risques d'être éblouie par ma beauté et je ne voudrais pas que tu rates ma performance pendant le match.

Lily poussa un soupir excédé mais les coins de sa bouche se tordirent légèrement, comme dans un sourire. A côté d'elle, Lysandra et Mary ricanaient.

- Ne l'encouragez surtout pas !brailla-t-elle en les poussant vers l'entrée du stade. Eclipsons nous avant d'être contaminées par sa bêtise.

Sirius, Remus et Peter quittèrent James à la porte des vestiaires et rejoignirent les tribunes. Dans la foule, Sirius aperçut Lysandra et n'eut pas besoin de réfléchir à deux fois. Depuis qu'il avait décidé des termes de son marché avec James, l'idée de se retrouver à ses côtés lui paraissait beaucoup moins angoissant que d'ordinaire. Il se sentait plus léger également, comme s'il fut tout à coup capable d'être lui-même en la présence de Lysandra. Et il ne désirait rien d'autre ; qu'elle le découvre entièrement, qu'elle l'aime entièrement même s'il refusait de se l'admettre.

Il rejoignait son banc pour s'asseoir à côté d'elle mais les places restantes furent bientôt prises par Barry Shellman et Gloria Diaz. Sirius ne fut pas assez rapide et se contenta de s'asseoir deux sièges loin de Lysandra. Plongée dans une discussion intense avec Lily et Mary, elle ne s'aperçut pas tout de suite de la présence de Sirius jusqu'à ce qu'une fille, assise quelques rangées derrière eux ne la révèle.

- Salut Sirius,cria-t-elle pour couvrir le brouhaha.

Sirius se retourna pour l'aviser. La fille fit papillonner ses cils vers lui en tordant son cou pour faire balancer ses cheveux bruns. Serpentard, troisième année, devina-t-il. Il lui sourit, lui donnant brièvement ce qu'elle demandait. Son attention. A côté d'elle, ses amies se mirent à glousser, la traitant de chanceuse.

Lysandra glissa une œillade vers lui. Ils surprirent leurs regards l'un sur l'autre et rougirent. Sirius se passa la main dans les cheveux en se mordant la lèvre inférieure, le regard toujours posé sur elle. Elle rit sous cape et haussa un sourcil d'un air moqueur. Elle était bien trop futée pour tomber pour ça et Sirius en fut presque soulagé.

- Il n'est pas trop tard pour retrouver le chemin de la raison tu sais,s'enjoignit Remus entre ses dents.

- Tu parles comme un préfet.

Remus et Peter avaient fini par l'abandonner. Jamais le premier n'avait été aussi peu d'accord avec les agissements de James et Sirius. Il avoua bien s'entendre avec Lysandra et regrettait que Sirius puisse la traiter avec tant de frivolité. Sirius eut beau promettre qu'il ferait preuve de respect envers elle, refusant de lui faire miroiter l'impossible mais Remus restait sourd à ses paroles.

A présent, il attendait. Seul. A l'entrée du terrain de Quidditch. La foule se pressait à la sortie, acclamant les deux équipes qui avaient terminé le match sur des scores exæquo grâce à Margaret Ebony qui avait saisi le vif d'or alors que Gryffondor marquait son quinzième but.

Le terrain se vidait de plus en plus en vite mais il n'y avait toujours aucune trace de Lysandra. Du coin de l'œil, il aperçut un petit groupe de Serpentard qui se pressait vers le lac. Les cheveux noirs corbeau de Regulus se détachaient du corps de la bande. Sirius observa son frère cadet de loin.

Il progressait en silence aux côtés de ses camarades. Sa peau blafarde n'enlevait rien à sa beauté, caractéristique des Black. Tout chez lui, de sa démarche à sa façon de se frotter les yeux, respirait l'élégance et la perfection. Comme Sirius, il avait perpétuellement l'air ennuyé mais semblait réellement perdu dans ses pensées en cet instant. Il agissait étrangement depuis quelques temps.

L'un de ses amis le ramena à la réalité en le bousculant gentiment. Regulus s'éveilla pour rejoindre les rires et accepta ce que lui tendait la seule fille du groupe. Il jeta des coups d'œil autour de lui en fourrant précipitamment l'objet dans sa poche. Son regard tomba sur Sirius qui inclina sa tête sur le côté, lui faisant savoir qu'il avait l'œil sur lui. Regulus piqua un fard et accéléra sa cadence.

La foule s'essoufflait. Sirius pensait avoir définitivement manqué Lysandra mais il l'entendit rire. Il fit volteface pour la découvrir à quelques mètres de lui. Il fut secoué d'un haut-le-cœur quand il remarqua qu'elle était déjà accompagnée de quelqu'un d'autre. Elle discutait avec Barry Shellman. Il avait passé un bras autour de ses épaules et la suppliait de participer à la fête en l'honneur de Poufsouffle qui se tenait dans la salle commune. Elle acquiesça et Sirius sentit sa poitrine s'ouvrir comme si le lion brodé sur sa veste avait pris vie et le dépeçait avec ses griffes. Il n'avait jamais senti une telle douleur pourtant, il était sûr de ne pas être blessé. En tous cas, pas physiquement mais la douleur semblait encore plus vivace que s'il l'avait été réellement.

#sirius black #sirius black x oc #sirius black x reader #sirius black x y/n #harry james potter #harry potter #james potter #remus lupin #peter pettigrow #le club des maraudeurs #marauders era #fluff #fanfiction #romance #toxic friendship

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marauders-peace · 9 months

Text

The Whims of Fate

Summary: The big game is coming up and you can't wait to see Sirius fly again. But he seems to be more excited for after the game and just before that he surprises you... While seraph has an internal crisis.

Pairing: Sirius black x hufflepuff!reader

Warnings: past toxic friendship, past toxic relationship (not with the reader), insecurities, self conscious , fake dating

Wc: 2.5k anyone who wants to be tagged, just say so there is always room! And I am sorry if my writing isn't as good in this part :')

Masterlist

Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

As we entered the Great Hall for lunch, I could feel the tension still lingering in the air. Sirius was walking beside me, his steps purposeful but his expression stern. The incident with Leander had left him seething, and it was evident in the way he clenched his jaw and the occasional glares he shot in the direction of the Slytherin table.

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, unsure of how to address the situation. It was clear that he was trying to maintain composure, but the anger was simmering just beneath the surface. I knew he wasn't upset with me, but I couldn't shake off the uneasiness.

As we settled at the Gryffindor table, I tried to focus on my plate of food, but the tension was palpable. Sirius seemed lost in his thoughts, and I felt like an intruder in his world of frustration. The conversations around us were a mere buzz, distant and unimportant compared to the storm within.

Then, a soft nudge against my shoulder brought my attention back to reality. I turned to see Sirius looking at me, his expression slightly softened. He offered me a small, reassuring smile. "Sorry about earlier. I didn't mean for things to get that heated."

I managed a weak smile in return. "It's alright, Sirius. I understand why you were upset."

He nodded, his gaze lingering on me for a moment before he turned his attention back to his food. Despite his attempt to make amends, I could sense the turmoil still swirling within him. It was as if he was battling his emotions, struggling to find a balance between his protective instincts and his desire not to cause further stress.

As I ate my meal, I couldn't help but steal glances at him. He was so beautiful. How could anyone be so beautiful?

He was putting on a facade of nonchalance, but his clenched fists and furrowed brows betrayed his true feelings. I wished there was something I could do to ease his anger, to let him know that I appreciated his concern.

Meanwhile, a little bit right from us, I noticed Lydia and Maya engrossed in a hushed conversation. Lydia's animated gestures and Maya's attentive nods suggested that they were deep in thought about something. I wondered what they were discussing, but my focus was quickly pulled back to Sirius when he spoke again.

"Are you nervous about the game?" he asked, his tone softer now.

I shook my head, grateful for the change of topic. "Not really. I mean, you are the one playing, so I don't really feel the pressure here. But, I'm excited to watch you play."

He smirked playfully. "Planning to cheer for me?"

I rolled my eyes, trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe I'll just shout 'Sirius Black, you're not as cool as you think!'"

He chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Oh, you wound me."

We shared a genuine laugh, and for a moment, the tension seemed to lift. It was as if we had managed to carve out a small bubble of normalcy in the midst of the chaos. As lunch continued, our conversation flowed more easily, and I found myself forgetting the unease that had gripped me earlier.

Unbeknownst to us, Lydia and Maya were observing our interaction from afar, their heads close together as they exchanged whispered thoughts. Maya nodded at something Lydia said, and they seemed to be sharing some sort of silent agreement.

Later, as we made our way out of the Great Hall, I caught a glimpse of Lydia's mischievous smile. She winked at me, and I couldn't help but wonder what they were plotting.

As we went on, I couldn't help but look after them. I wondered if they would talk about their feelings, or if they would just ignore what was so obviously there.

"Oh, shit!" Sirius looked at me with an apologetic frown. "I already have to go, because James wants to go over the planning we did. Hope you can forgive me."

I smiled at him. He looked so apologetic like a little puppy that disappointed someone. "Don't worry, I understand. Go you have a game to win!"

He smiled at me and ran up to the field, while I watched him go. Without him, the halls felt empty and at the same time overwhelming full.

I already wanted to leave to the library, because we still had time till the game, when I saw Sirius ran up to me.

He was panting heavily and red like a tomato as he stood before me, like he just played the quidditch game of his life.

"What's wrong? Did you forget something?" I felt like I was missing something here, as he took my hands and smiled at me with a red face.

"Yeah, I forgot something very important." He hold my hands tightly and looked me in the eyes. Something plagued his mind and I so desperately wanted to know what. But it remained a secret behind those beautiful eyes.

"What did you-"

"Wish me luck." he suddenly said. His eyes were avoiding mine and suddenly found the ground very interesting. "Please?"

"You don't need luck," I replied softly, my voice filled with faith in him.

He chuckled, his fingers briefly intertwining with mine. "Maybe, but a little extra never hurts."

I chuckled at that. His eyes found mine and sucked me into them again. His right hand let go of mine and wandered off to my cheek. As he hold me captive in his warm touch, he seemed to beg for something.

"Good l-"

Then, in that moment, when I least expected it, he closed the gap between us, his lips capturing mine in a kiss. It was an innocent little peck, like he didn't want to do anything wrong. Time seemed to stand still as our lips molded together, and the world faded away. All that mattered was the sensation of his mouth moving against mine, the taste of his lips, and the rapid beat of my heart, which seemed to run a marathon.

He stroked my cheek while softly breaking the kiss. I missed the contact, but was at the same time overwhelmed by the thing that just happened.

He gazed into my eyes, a fire burning within them. "For luck," he whispered, his voice husky.

My cheeks flushed, and I nodded, my voice equally breathless. "For luck."

We stood like that, with intertwined fingers and gazing at each others eyes, for a minute or two, as he cleared his throat.

"I should go."

"Yeah, you should."

But neither of us wanted to let go of each other, our fingers still intertwined. But after one more minute he let go and smiled at me, with this unreadable expression that so often visited his face.

"I will see you after the game right?" he asked and smiled brightly, as I nodded.

"Then see you later, darling."

I looked after him and couldn't control the smile that was slowly creeping on my red face.

You don't need luck, you idiot. I know that you will win. I saw it with my own eyes.

---

~1974 Third year. ~

The little girls eyes were shining as she watched. 'Was this fake?' she wondered as her eyes followed his broom. His flying hair in the wind, his bright smile as he beat the ball at one of his opponents and lastly his promising eyes. All of it was beautiful.

The seeker in red should have been the main attraction for the audience, but his best friend was like a shooting star for her. Bright, fast and so out of reach. Hoping he would grant her a wish, she looked at him with a wish written in her eyes.

As she wished for once to be noticed, the girl in green next to her followed her gaze. The girl was angry that her house was losing and she was even more pissed that she was here with her.

This naive girl in yellow, which didn't belong here between the people in green. This clingy parasite with this annoying expression. That begging look not to be abandoned, that made the girl in green reconsider.

Why did she even bring her?

Why was she even friends with her?

The girl in the warm colors of the sun, looked at the star of the field, again with this annoying expression. And the girl in green next to her was jealous as she realized how beautiful the emotions behind this gaze were. 'How can you feel this kind of emotions?'

As their eyes were focused on the star, his best friend's eyes caught the golden ball and his broom was racing towards it. The other seeker slowly realized why the boy was suddenly flying so fast and tried to follow just as fast. But he realized that it was no use. The feeling that he already lost was creeping in and he became even slower.

Then a ball hit him from above and threw him off his broom. The beater Sirius black took the chance to cover his mate. He dodged the ball himself and hit it right towards the green seeker.

"And James Potter caught the snitch!!!"

The Gryffindor audience burst into cheers, while the slytherins were glaring at them. The other beater in green was looking at the boy with the name black and wanted so bad to be better. "Next time you hit him leander." his teammates said, but they knew just like him that that was very unlikely.

The green side of the field was full of anger towards those red prideful bunch of kids, that were so obviously the favorites of hogwarts.

Only two girls seemed to be out of place.

They didn't cheer and they didn't get mad. They were both watching the boy in red and wished.

Yellow to be visible. Green to be yellow.

I smiled, as I thought about the memories. The first game he played and the first I watched. I know that he doesn't need a Goodluck kiss.

I kissed you out of pure desire for you.

~~~

Meanwhile in the slytherin common room

"You are such an idiot, Leander, seriously. You don't stand a chance against Sirius, why did you search a fight with him?"

I shook my head at his silliness. How can someone be so impulsive?

"I just had a little 'talk' with your whisky. How could I have guessed that he would be so angry?" the brown haired boy looked away from me and seemed to pout.

A cold feeling went down my spine. I tried to shake it off, but it came right back. What was wrong with me? Why was I so cold?

"Hey, is something wrong, seraph?" Leander looked at me with worry in his eyes and came closer to me. "You looked like something plagued your mind?"

He seemed to want to stroke my cheek with his hand, but I dodged him. "It's nothing of your concern." I stated, and his hand dropped like a stone. He seemed embarrassed and looked at the ground.

"Sorry."

'Your whisky' he said. Like I owned her. Maybe I did, but not anymore. She is off and has new friends now. Every time I see them, I feel like I missed something in my life. Like I got all of this wrong. Like I got her completely wrong. Like I regretted what I did. What I still do.

Those feelings that she has. This joy that she feels, when she is with her friends. This excitement when she sees Sirius. I never felt any of that.

Why was I so bored of those people around me? Why couldn't I be excited for the things that I had? Why does she have this explosive feelings for Sirius, while I can't make myself feel even excitement?

"I wish I could say i'm surprised, but I'm really not. And that's the thing I most regret, seraph. We were never really meant to be." his eyes bore through mine. Ice-cold. "I think you know that as well."

"Do you miss her?" Leanders soft voice snapped me back to reality. His eyes were gentle, with this strange smile. It wasn't threatening, but I could never really interpret it and it made me crazy.

"Who, whisky?" I tried to laugh the cold feeling away. "Oh, please, why would I miss this parasite? I abandoned her in the first place, sweet Leander." I smiled my usual smile. The i don't care smile that made me feel better of myself. I need to feel better about myself.

He looked at me with that strange smile again. Like he knew me better than I know myself. But he really doesn't.

"You know what I think?"

I narrowed my eyes. "I don't really care."

But he didn't stop, like he didn't hear me. "I think you're starting to realize that you really care about her and you've lost her. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it, she's a snake, but I think you're not so sure anymore and you miss her."

"You don't know anything!" But he did not let himself be stopped.

"You're not as untouchable as you think, 'sweet' seraph. In fact, you're still a little girl who whines when she doesn't get what she wants."

"Shut up!" I was screaming.

"That's why you ran after Sirius like a lost puppy. You just can't stand that he doesn't like you anymore."

"You have no idea, Leander! You have no idea how I feel!" Or what I don't feel. "So don't act like you really understand me."

He was quiet on that. But then he looked at me in such an intense way that Sirius never did. And my heart skipped a beat. Why? "Why did you make out with me if you love him so much? Why did you cheat with me if you miss him so much now?"

His gaze held me and there was a fire in them. The evening in which I let myself drown in self-pity came back, even though I tried so hard to forget it. Eventually, though, I managed to turn away. "You need to get to the quidditch field. It's getting late."

There was tension in the air at that, until he finally stood up. He grabbed his things he needed and went to the door, of the slytherin common room. Before he opened it, he looked at me.

"A little whining girl in green."

And then he left.

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