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#sirius black x reader angst

stxr-slut · 15 days

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Sirius x slytherin!reader who grew up together, him, regulus, and reader used to be inseparable.

Then sirius got sorted into gryffindor.

Sure, they still talked every once in a while, said hey when they passed in the halls.

Until he stopped. He stopped smiling back, stopped waving at her, stopped caring all together.

Regulus was so caught up in trying to fill the crack that sirius left in his family that he forgot about her too.

She feels abandoned, alone, unwanted. The two boys she grew up with were forgetting her, moving on to bigger things, and she was left behind.

Until one day, she sees sirius again, but it doesn't turn out how she thought it would. He doesn't apologise and take her away from her equally shitty family, as she'd always dreamed he would.

He sneaks into her dorm room late at night, talks her out of her clothes, and when she wakes up, it's to him sneaking back out. Whispering something about it being 'their secret'.

And so they contine like that. He's too blind to see he's hurting her, and she's too desperate to care.

She sees him around school but doesn't dare to say hi. She doesn't fit in with his new friends, with his new life. She's just a bad habit he can't be bothered to kick.

And it stings. It sends a sharp pain through her heart every time they make eyecontact at dinner, and he instantly turns away. He can't even risk looking at her.

And of course she's not the only one. She knows that. She sees him at parties, openly making out with other girls. Never her.

So she starts plotting. It starts off small, sending notes or sneaky hexes to girls interested in him, scaring them off without them ever knowing who it was.

Then, it was small inconveniences to his day. Hiding his books, sabotaging his homework, spreading a rumour. She knew it was hurting him, but it got him back in her bed at the end of the day.

And then it all got out of control. He started to slowly pull away, despite her best efforts to draw him back in, the small things weren't working anymore.

So she went bigger, messier. And then she slipped. He figured it out.

She was behind all the frustrating little things that made his life worse. She was behind the rumours and the lies and the things she didn't even care was hurting him.

And so it all comes to a front. Screaming, crying, accusations, insults. It's a mess of angst and hurt and pent-up emotions.

She's yelling about how he left her behind. How he forgot her and used her and how she'd struggled without him.

He's yelling about how she's needy and pathetic, and she could've ruined his life. How she needs to let go of the past. They were kids, for fuck sake.

He didn't need her anymore, but she still needed him.

#cassies thoughts !! ☆▪︎☆#marauders #marauders era #sirius black x reader #sirius black x slytherin!reader #sirius black x childhood friend!reader #sirius black x reader angst #sirius black #sirius black fic #sirius black angst #toxic!sirius black #toxic relationship

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remusluvr · 10 months

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words i used | sirius black

summary: Sirius learns the consequences of treating people he loves bad. content: angst, fighting, crying, one use of y/n note: part 2 - do i wanna know? (sirius black)

You knew from the beginning that this relationship was not one made to last. Sirius wasn't the relationship type. Yet, you let yourself get excited anyway. You let yourself get excited over when he'd hold your hand in the hallway, and sit next to you during meals, and go out of his way to hang out with you when there were other things he could be doing.

But with excitement comes disappointment. Disappointment when you see him flirting with another girl in the hallway or when you'd catch him hanging out with his friends while you were supposed to be together. There was always a counteract that threw you off. Did you mean anything to him?

The final straw was seeing him pressing some sixth-year against the wall during a party, lips attached to hers. It's like any and all hope was drained from your body, leaving you feeling unusually empty. Even walking out of the common room was a feat.

And the trek to find somewhere private was even harder of a journey. Slinking down against some wall in some abandoned hallway, you can't fight off the burning feeling in your throat anymore. You bring your knees to your chest and cry. He was never yours but you really hoped that maybe one day he could be.

It hurts too much to put any more effort into the dead-end of your relationship. By the time you finally will yourself to pull things together, your eyes are puffy and red. You don't want anyone to know. It's embarrassing. Especially when everyone had warned you not to get your hopes up but you brushed them off, blinded by the boy.

Sometimes, you'd have sleepovers where he would hold you close and run his fingers through your hair whilst you talked quietly. He would tell you how much he liked you and wanted to be with you. But it was never real. Just another check on his never-ending journey to make out with every girl in school.

It feels like a completely different world when you wake up the next morning. You wouldn't say that the world is brighter or duller, just different. It's like you have been forced to finally open your eyes and see things for how they are.

Breakfast is the first noticeable change. He comes in late, taking his unassigned-assigned seat next to you.

"Good morning," he smiles, plucking a piece of toast from the pile. You hum from your position next to him, not turning to look at him. You chew on your lip and he swats at it like usual, telling you to knock it off but you can't. You can't be around him.

If the bench below you was able to move, it would be halfway across the room with the way you stood up so abruptly.

"What's wrong?"

"I just, god-" you cut yourself off. He doesn't deserve an explanation so you storm out, leaving him even more confused. Sirius wants to follow and beg you to tell him why you're upset with him but he's never seen you this way before. He's not sure what you need him to do, if you need him at all.

He's sure that something is very wrong when you don't show up to class, one that you sit together in. Racking his brain, he's trying to figure out exactly what caused you to turn so cold to him out of nowhere. There's not much work being done in McGonagall's today as the only thing on his parchment is a list of things that could've upset you.

You're hidden away in a secret alcove that Sirius had shown you. Maybe it's not the best place to go when you're trying to get over him but it's the only place you know that the teachers won't be able to find you. This used to be one of your favorite places to go. Sometimes you and Sirius would sneak off here to make out at random times throughout the school day.

The memory of his hands tangling themselves into your hair as he pulls you closer onto his lap floods your mind. It's cruel. He was never officially yours but for a little while you could have your fantasy that he was.

Sirius isn't stupid, maybe it takes him a little longer to come to conclusions on things but he's not an idiot. Well, not a total idiot. His list of things he's written just keeps going and even if he can't pinpoint the exact reason for why you're mad at him, he has several that showcase how bad of a friend he is. He makes it his mission to fix whatever is wrong.

"(Y/N)-" he starts when he sees you passing by in the hallway. You glance over with a thin, tight-lipped smile on your face as he gets cut off.

"Sirius! I had fun last night, I was thinking that maybe we could go to Hogsmeade together this weekend?" a random girl interrupts, driving the knife further into your heart. His face and your face fall as he turns to the girl.

"Oh, uh no," he states rather bluntly, following after your figure with his eyes before trying to catch up with you. He has to shove through the crowded hallway so that he doesn't lose you.

And when he finally does catch up to you, he grabs your shoulder and pulls you off to the side. Your breathing is heavier than usual and he realizes you were really trying to get away from him.

"What?" you grit, anger evident in your voice. You're blinking more than usual to try and keep the tears from falling and he's not sure what to say. "Don't you have better things to do with your time? Things that don't involve leading me on and then making out with someone else?"

"I'm sorry," is the only thing he comes up with. You laugh at him because that's all he can say. He looks like a hurt puppy as you rub your hands over your eyes. He doesn't get to be the hurt one in this situation.

"I tried, Sirius. I don't understand what else I can do to make you like me. Do any of those girls mean anything to you? Was I just one of them?" you spit. His gaze is fixed on the ground and you know you'll never get anywhere. He doesn't care. "I can't be around you anymore. I can't look at you."

"Please," he mumbles, "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I act like this. I like you so much. I shouldn't have made out with her or anyone else when I knew all I want is you. It's like I only know how to ruin things for myself."

"D-don't turn yourself into the victim here. That's not fair. You hurt me and you're trying to make me feel bad for you. It's not hard to not make me look like a fool. All you had to do was not go after other girls. Did you think I never noticed until now? Maybe I didn't see all of them but I saw too many for it to be a one-off thing."

"I'm sorry, really. I want to be with you but that scares me. Will you please give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me? I want you to be my girlfriend."

It's the words you want to hear but the circumstance is wrong. Why couldn't he have realized this before? Why did he have to make you feel so shitty?

"I can't, Sirius. None of your words mean anything to me when you go and do the opposite almost immediately. I know you'll make someone really happy one day, but it won't be me. I can't put myself through this again."

"No, please. Let me prove it to you," his words fall on deaf ears as you walk away. Staying any longer would just increase his chances of you saying 'yes.' And he doesn't get to recover that easily. Your hands are shaking and your body aches. "Please."

part 2 - do i wanna know? (sirius black)

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madwcman · 4 months

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he should be here

pairing: sirius black x reader

summary: inspired by “the moment i knew” by taylor swift

warnings: angst, mentions of food, the marauders are aged up, sirius sucks, and use of y/n

authors note: it’s my birthday! so here’s my gift to you guys <3

you watch the door, you’ve been watching the door most of the evening waiting for your boyfriend sirius to walk in at any moment with a big smile on his face ready to celebrate your birthday with you. but it’s getting late and he still hasn’t shown.

you shouldn’t feel worried about this, he’s your boyfriend and he should be here for you, but sirius hasn’t been the best boyfriend to you. he doesn’t show up for you as a boyfriend should, he leaves you out a lot, hearing how he’s going out with your friends from lily and mary. but you're feeling hopeful it is your birthday after all. he’s going to be here.

“what are you doing standing here?” you turn and see your good friend, marlene. she gives you a wide smile tilting her head to look at you better. “waiting for sirius.” you mumbled, turning your whole body to speak to marls. “he’s still not here?!” she asks with a frown, upset with her friend's behavior towards you. “no he’s not.” you say simply turning to look back at the door, seeing that remus has arrived. you turn back to marlene when you hear her mumbling “when i get my hands on him.”

“it’s okay!” you give her a reassuring smile, that’s clearly fake but your hoping she’s buying it. but she can see right through your fake smile, she shakes her head at you. “it’s not okay!” you just sigh and look back at the door waiting for sirius to burst through the door with a smile.

and the hours pass by and still no sign of sirius. all of your friends and family have been asking where he is, or how he’s been and you can’t bring yourself to talk about him. your friends and family are enjoying themselves while you stand alone in your own thoughts. you weren’t enjoying yourself, you kept thinking about the one thing missing: sirius.

starting to tear up you remove yourself from your living room making your way to your bathroom. entering the bathroom, you quickly shut the door and lock it. you lean against the door and allow yourself to cry. he isn’t here. he promised he would be here for you and he didn’t keep his word. it breaks your heart to know you’re not one of sirius’ main priorities.

“y/n?” you hear james voice as he knocks on the door slowly. “i saw you rushing past us, upset. what’s wrong?” james ask. he was always concerned about what’s wrong with others, and you appreciate that about james but you want to be alone right now. “y/n you can tell me.” you hear james speak through the door, you contemplate telling him how sirius not being here really bothers you, but you don’t want sirius looking bad in front of his best friend. you hear remus and peters voices mumbling their concerns with james.

“y/n its remus what’s wrong?” and you let out a loud sob. letting them know you’re really upset. “he said he would be here!” you sniff, you bring your hands to your face; wiping the tears off your face. “who?” james asks softly, a little confused. you can’t see james but you can tell he has a small frown on his face “sirius.” peter answers sourly. “oh- i’m sure he-“ james, stutters trying to come up with some excuse for sirius. “don’t make excuses for him james.” you hear remus meanly utter to james, clearly agitated. “i’m not.” james states, and you can hear remus mumble a snippy “sure.” as he knocks on the door again. “y/n, come out please?” you rub your eyes as you open the door for james, remus and peter. they give you encouraging smiles as you meet their eyes.

“he should be here.” you whisper, more to yourself then the boys. “we know.” remus breaks the distance from you and the boys and wraps his arms around you giving you a hug. “Let's clean you up, yeah?” james says as you and remus lets go, and moves in to hug you next. “then we can sing you happy birthday!” peter states excitedly, trying to defeat the sad atmosphere. “yeah, okay.” you let go of james and go to calm yourself down.

a few minutes later go by and you calmed yourself down with the boy's help, you walk into the kitchen where the rest of your friends and family wait for you. you take a seat, as lily places down the double stacked round cake she made for you. she lights up the number shaped candles. as soon as they are lit everyone starts to sing happy birthday to you. it was almost perfect, you just wish your boyfriend could have been here for you. the song comes to an end, and you hear your friends cheer as you blow the candles out. “happy birthday y/n!” your friends say as they get handed plates of cake, you give them a wide smile before eating your first bite of cake.

the party comes to an end, most of your friends and family have left. except for james, lily, remus and peter they haven’t left yet. they stayed back to talk to you for a little but, it’s getting late and they all have finally decided it’s time to go home. “are you okay?” lily whispers as she hugs you goodbye. “yes i’m fine! i promise.” you laugh, trying to reassure lily and keep her concerns at bay. “okay.” she shakes her head, she lets go and waits for the boys to say their goodbyes. “i’m sorry sirius didn’t show up.” james speaks for them, awkwardly. you smile, shaking your head “it’s okay.” but you see remus and peter shake their heads. “it’s not!” they state at the same time. “we’ll talk to him.” peter states, seriously. you smile softly. “okay.” you say as you go to hug each of them goodbye. they all say a few more goodbyes as they walk out the door.

you’re alone now. you take a breath and slump back into your couch. just looking around your living room thinking sirius never showed up. you hear your phone ring, you know it’s sirius calling to apologize. you answer the phone “hello?” a second later sirius answers with a loud “hello!” and there’s a small pause before sirius awkwardly coughs. "hey! i'm sorry, i didn't make it.” you don’t know what to say to sirius, you really don’t feel like talking to him. you’re disappointed he didn’t show up. “i’m sorry too.” and sirius lets out a loud and maybe a little too joyful for your liking laugh. “you have nothing to be sorry for!” you pause, not knowing what to say to sirius. you sigh an “i know.” it’s quiet on sirius end, he feels guilty. “i promise i’ll stop by tomorrow.” sirius quietly promises you, but you don’t know if you believe him this time, he not good with keeping his word. “okay.” you murmur back. you and sirius have a polite small conversation about how your party went, you won’t tell him how you cried about him not showing up, you’re sure remus, peter and james will give him an earful about it. and the phone call ends with quick goodbyes and that was the moment you knew this relationship with sirius wouldn’t work.

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ma1dita · 7 months

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liar, liar

part two cn be found here-> truth be told

words: little under 2k

summary: sirius black is a good liar. spot how many times sirius lies in this fic.

warnings: slight nondescript smut!! errr cursing & another self-deprecating marauder, mostly unrequited love/being led on, sirius’s trauma response, fem!reader is too good for sirius, fem!reader has ‘i can fix him’ complex

a/n: guys… i thought of this prompt and the necklace Alex Russo wore in WoWP and suddenly, complex by katie gregson-macleod started playing so…sorry if this gets sadder.

(posted 9/8/23 & edited 11/6/23)

—

At the very core of him, Sirius Black is a liar.

It’s not directly his fault, but a subliminal result of the loveless household he grew up in. Lies roll off his experienced tongue more naturally than when he’s ever tried to say I love you. So he’s convinced himself that it’s easier to live life this way, without love. If love ever fell into his hands, he’s not quite sure what he’d do with it.

If Sirius Black could be defined, he thinks it would lack the word love and instead encompass a lot of his anger. Fiery, palpable anger, deep set in his core. That’s what he is. There are a lot of things to be angry about in this life, after all.

—

You’re 16 and this birthday party might’ve been your best idea yet. Your friends are dotted around your dorm room, along with some people you’ve invited from your classes. Among the forming crowd, you spot one Sirius Black. You don’t talk much outside of being Potions partners, and you get by with smiles in the halls and friendly touches. He’s looking at you from across the room like he knows you intimately, but that is far from the truth. Sirius Black is an enigma if anything, but what’s more unusual to you even after three shots of firewhiskey is the fact that he doesn't have any of his friends in tow. He meanders around the open space before circling back towards your direction as if that wasn’t his plan in the first place.

“Trouble in paradise?” you joke, gesturing to the space his posse would usually occupy behind him. He scoffs, avoiding the question, giving you a proper kiss on the cheek instead as he loops his arms around your waist. It piques your interest; you’ve always loved a challenge.

“Happy birthday, gorgeous.”

Sirius is handing you a small jewelry box, and you look at him dumbfounded. You’re barely even friends.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Black. I just called you over to get drunk with me and my mates.” You giggle, cheeks red from the alcohol.

It’s a necklace. A magical, really expensive one. Sirius is gauging your reaction, scratching the back of his neck. It’s easy to put a price to something rather than show you all of his cards.

“Well, aren't I special? This is too much, Black. I shouldn’t…” Your soft hands are pushing the box into his impenetrable wall of a chest as you shake your head in disbelief. No one’s ever gotten you something this nice or expensive before. You wonder if he does this to all the other girls that fawn over him.

“It’s nothing. I insist. You keep me distracted in Slughorn’s class and for that, you get a prize just as pretty as you.” He’s holding your wrists now, rubbing them casually like this isn’t the most intimate encounter you’ve had with him yet. Somehow you can sense that he needs this more than you do. To be needed. He doesn’t want to tell you that you’re the only one making him smile nowadays since his friends haven’t talked to him in weeks. You indulge in this behavior, because it’s new and exciting, and who would say no to Sirius Black?

The party ends much later after you tease him until his wit’s end, and then it’s your whispered approval that moves him to move his body over yours, the rest of your clothes quickly flying off in his pursuit to become a part of you. Physically and metaphorically, his being overtakes you quickly. Deep into the night, when he’s fucking you into your mattress, the necklace he gave you swings back and forth against your chest with every thrust of his hips, every bump of the headboard against the wall thumping the final nails into the coffin. You can’t help but feel special as he lays kisses on your spine. You know this isn’t intimacy in Sirius’ world though. This isn’t love, it’s bodies yearning for connection, to find something meaningful. To string the words to define how to pass the time. You hope he finds what he’s looking for between your sheets and as he breathes into your hair.

Sirius is angry at the world and he’s chosen you to be his target. What color on your necklace can define the fact you wanted him to fuck you brainless anyways? What can accurately portray the shaking of his hands as he slaps the fat of your thighs? Both of you don’t remember, but all he knows is your naked bosom is glowing amber as you pant, and it looks and feels like you’re on fire. Lust has a way of consuming the body, both of you moving until you cannot anymore, anatomy animated by the need for touch.

He needed this, a distraction. And you just wanted a crazy story to tell. You keep note of the fact that Sirius likes it when you moan his name, and he makes it his mission for you to scream the name he grew up hating because it sounds pretty coming from your mouth. Because here in this room, it means something other than disappointment.

“Oh my god, baby, right there!”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your baby.” he pants, pulling your hair roughly as he jackhammers into you. No pet names or endearments are allowed. Just Sirius, and he’ll correct you if you get it wrong. By the end of it, you’re slurring your words and screaming nonsense anyway. You think nothing of it.

He wants you as much as you’ll have him, which, when you’re 16, you think can be made a priority just to keep his eyes on you. Everyone wants a piece of Sirius Orion Black. And your hands are stretched out in hopes of partaking in this transaction of physicality and sin. Weeks later, after you seemingly fall asleep in the boys’ dorm, James asks Sirius if you’re his girlfriend. “She’s…alright,” he mumbles into the air. They’ve finally forgiven him for The Prank after your urges to get Sirius to swallow his ego. He never got to thank you for it. Gratitudes and endearments were a rarity at Grimmauld Place.

Peter whispers in the dark of their dorm and asks Sirius if he could ever fall in love with you. With your eyes closed and your head lying against his chest, you feel him shrug as he traces a hickey he left on your collarbone. What is love to Sirius Black? He’s looking at your chest glow red, and his hand clutches the pendant in his fist, trying to dim its light. You go to sleep instead. The incandescent glow of the pendant seeps beneath your eyelids.

—

You’re 19 and sometimes you wonder if it’d be easier to be dead. Good days are a relief for all to have, presenting themselves as scarce and far apart in your new normal. There’s a war going on and you think it’s criminal to consider yourself adult enough to fight in it, but you and your friends–and your boyfriend do. You sleep in Sirius’ apartment more than your own now, but he never calls you his girlfriend, he just calls you his, and you convince yourself to not worry so much about it because death itself is coming for everyone you know. You’re together, and that’s what matters, right? There are bigger problems at hand.

Between Auror missions, Sirius has a bad habit of picking fights with you in front of your friends, which now include his friends. A lot of you comes from him, which you don’t resent. They’re lovely, but they see through the struggle. They know him too well, and you go to every gathering with an inkling that they know how mean Sirius can truly be. Old habits die hard. Tonight he yells at you because you won’t let him get a fifth beer.

“Always thinking you know better than me, (Y/N). You’re not my fucking wife, so I don’t need to listen to you! No one wants to hang around a killjoy.”

He wrenches his grip from your thigh, nearly toppling your chair over to stomp over to the bar himself. Everyone stares at you, waiting for you to react before they judge. Before they defend their friend. His behavior has been erratic lately with his world crumbling as he knows it. But then again, Sirius has never known life without chaos.

“I know it’s not… ideal. But he’s a good guy. We’re all just going through shit right now. His brother’s missing, so I’m there when he needs me.” Which is always, you omit from your response. You don’t mind being needed though. Helping him fight his demons is a part of being in a relationship with someone so damaged. You bring him light when his mind darkens. That is not transactional. It’s something deeper, though the words dissipate before either of you can utter it at night.

Lily reaches over the table to hold your hand, with Remus pulling his arm around the back of your chair, and rubbing your shoulder. Your chest is still glowing red, your love for him triumphing over any embarrassment he’s caused you. How you feel has always been clear, evident on your chest. What a weakness to have, to lay yourself bare to him and you wonder if Sirius did it on purpose.

He gets piss drunk as you expected and you have to side-apparate him home while you insist to everyone else that they should stay and have fun. They’re not as easily convinced, but you bid them farewell anyway. You get to the apartment and Sirius mumbles a ‘thank you’ as you help him take his clothes off and you gently tuck him under the covers, kissing him goodnight. Small moments like these are tender. They say more than anything you could put into words.

Moments later, you pretend to not hear Sirius cry, but his chest is heaving and the sound coming from his throat is so gut-wrenching that you lift yourself out from under him where he was weeping into your shoulder. In the dark, your eyes adjust to find his face in the moonlight.

“Sirius?” you breathe, fingers ghosting over the tears on his face.

“He’s dead.” he whimpers. You’ve never seen Sirius Black let himself be vulnerable like this. Not to the Marauders, and especially not to you. There’s no carnal aspect in sorrow, though it leaves one gutted, worn down to the bone.

“My baby brother is dead, and no one knows. I don’t even have a body to mourn over.”

He chokes back a sob, and you let his arms shroud your body, leaving the red glow of your pendant trapped between both of your ribs. You hope some of the light and some of your love seeps into him. You have plenty to give, and it’s all his for the taking, if only he’d let you.

Sirius falls asleep hours later, and you’re pinned to the bed underneath him. There’s a crick in your trapezius that you try to ignore as you stroke his hair. Maybe in his dreamless state he can find peace. You close your eyes and wonder if Regulus has found solace in death. Maybe it would feel something like this.

—

You’re 21 and most of your good friends are dead or in hiding. It’s the night before Halloween, but there’s not a lot to celebrate if real life is much scarier now.

Over the years, Sirius and you have come to an understanding. He’s flawed, with a viciously large ego and oftentimes he’s mean when he doesn’t know how to react. But he’s human. He tries now, more than ever to quell the anger born in the Black name. He tries to be gentle, though the instinct to hurt is in his blood. You’re patient, and resilient enough to take the blows, knowing what you feel is deeper than his anger, often revealing itself as his darkest fears. You like him ‘because’ and love him ‘despite’. Your cue to comfort him is usually right before he gets the look on his face that tells you he’ll say something knowing it’ll make you cry. You’ve always loved him, but now you know why. Sirius wonders every day how you’re still with him. He’s a runner, but since the day you’ve met him, you haven’t quite let go of his hand.

Usually instead of an apology, he’ll usually fuck you to oblivion, making sure your legs shake and your brain is jumbled enough to not talk about the hurt he causes you. He strokes the fire in you, and the feeling of anger that continually wracks his being can only be satiated by your touch. His skin on yours is the best place to be, but maybe there’s a part of you that likes the hurt, his anger. It's almost passionate, the only emotion he knows how to express well. You love him in a way that only you can, despite all of that. But it all blurs when he kisses you, consumes you. You especially like it when he pulls your hair.

You shriek as you come down from a release, hands rubbing the expanse of his chest. His thrusts slow as he grapples with reality, pawing at your breasts. Your hips milk him for his worth, and he groans lowly.

“You’re too good to me, wife. You’re all mine.”

Your ministrations come to a stop as you look down at him, pendant hanging between your faces. Nicknames were a growing commodity lately.

“Wife, huh…”

The air is heavy between you two, still connected as one while you wait for his response. Let him take the lead, as it’s the role he’s more accustomed to.

“If that’s okay.” he breathes, not knowing what to do with his hands. Love has fallen into his hands, and her physical form is sitting in his lap. His grip eases as he accepts you wholly.

“Maybe someday soon.”

A slow smile stretches across your face.

“Ask me properly and I’ll consider.” But the glow of your necklace is more vibrant now, and you two both know your answer as he grabs your waist and pulls you down for another round.

Sirius tries to sneak out of bed in the early morning as you doze off. You wake, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, bare feet padding across your shared apartment in search of him until you see him dressed in the kitchen and holding a letter.

“I have to go… deal with some business,” he mutters, not stepping away from the window nor sparing you a glance. Lying to someone he loves is harder than he thought it would be.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” You’re standing in the doorway wearing his shirt and his boxers. He likes it when you say his name. You could call him anything you want and he’d come running.

“James and Lily, they’re in trouble. I’ll be back by morning.”

You turn to grab your wand, planning to go with him, but he’s suddenly grabbing your arm and pulling you into a kiss, stopping your advances. He has something to lose now. You’re his, and he’ll be damned to let you follow him blindly into danger.

“You have to stay here. Everything will be okay,” he says, holding your chin. The lie sits heavy on his tongue. Maybe if he focuses he’ll see the rose-tinted hue of your irises every time he shuts his eyes.

“You’re scaring me...” You look at him in apprehension, his movements erratic and you wonder if he’s cracked and needs an exorcism. Then your heart is thundering in your chest and the red glow turns ice blue. A new feeling has taken a larger form than your love, and its fear. Briefly, you wonder how Sirius lives on edge like this. Something is dangerously wrong. He looks into your eyes, and then the cold glow on your chest. He takes a slow step back away from you, looking almost apologetic.

“Sirius Black, don’t you fucking dare.”

“I love you.”

He’s apparated and long gone before you register what he said. It sounded unfamiliar coming from his mouth, but you weren’t surprised. It was something you’ve always known. You just didn’t think that hearing it would hurt this badly.

—

The doors of the dreary prison cell screech shut in Azkaban. Visiting hours are over, and Sirius hadn’t left his space the whole two hours you waited outside in hopes of seeing him.

Tossing the lunch you packed into the bin as you push through the exit door for the last time, you think that killing him would’ve been easier than this, but he is not the victim in this story. You at least hope he got your package, as you think that maybe you could find a different adventure now, one that doesn’t involve having your feelings splayed across your chest for a murderer to come in and kill you dead. What a fool, to know someone so intimately, so innately, and for him to be a killer.

The envelope is slid under his cell door, and he opens it slowly. The necklace. Sirius sighs, and he wonders if you’ll finally let him go. It’s what you deserve anyway, now that he’ll rot in here for the rest of his life for a crime he didn’t commit. He’s hurt you enough that even if he did tell you everything, there’s a chance you wouldn’t believe him. No one does, after all. The cool silver of the chain makes goosebumps rise on the back of his neck as he slips it on. Red.

With all the time in the world to think, he realizes that he can easily be defined by the sound of your voice calling his name. He’s called many things now besides a liar; a murderer, a deranged madman, a traitor. The only definition of himself he prefers now is one where he is described to be loving you. There are a lot of things to love about you, after all. He spends days, weeks, months, years, keeping track. He finds new ones every time he closes his eyes.

But Sirius Black is first and foremost a liar, and if there’s anything he’s sure of, is that he’s damn good at it.

—

“You say you love rain

but you open your umbrella.

You say you love the sun

but you find a shadow spot.

You say you love wind

but you close your windows.

This is why I am afraid

when you say you love me.”

William Shakespeare

love me some tunes! i listened to this while writing: complex by katie gregson-macleod

taglist: @jsjcue

#sirius black x reader #marauders x reader #sirius black x reader angst #sirius black x reader smut #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x you #marauders era #made by ma1dita ♥︎#Spotify

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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years

Text

rip-off

sirius black x slytherin!potter!reader

w/c: 2.9k

summary: sirius is so enamored with you, his best friend's sister, that he's too distracted to play properly. when a poor play by sirius renders you severely injured, he and james must handle the aftermath.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Tensions were high between you and James the day of the first Gryffindor-Slytherin match of the year. Walking into the Great Hall together, you jumped up to tousle James’ untamable hair, earning a mocking laugh from him as you came up short, just managing to grasp the tangles at the back of his neck. You groaned.

“This is bullshit! My birth was a rip-off! You got every damn tall gene and I came second and you saved me none, you… you-” You were cut off by a pair of strong arms across your waist, lifting you in the air as you shrieked. Sirius grinned mischievously at you as you realized what he was doing. Practically tackling James, you jumped onto his back and clung your arm around his neck as you were finally able to dig your fist into James’ head as he let out a strangled yelp.

“Get off me, you pest! You should’ve never been born in the first place,” James shook you off as the three of you burst into laughter, Sirius shoving his friend forward as the two approached the Gryffindor table and you departed to the Slytherins.

“Your sister is… really something.” Sirius glanced over his shoulder at you, who was slapping your knee with mirth as you caught your breath at something Regulus had said. His stomach panged with jealousy— no, pre-game nerves—as he watched his younger brother swing an arm around your shoulders.

“She means well. Being friends with Regulus, I mean. I know you guys aren’t on the best terms, but I think they’re good for each other. Keeps the two of ‘em from hanging out with that crowd.” He juts his chin towards Severus, Avery, Bellatrix, and Mulciber.

“You’re right, it’s just… don’t you wish she was a Gryffindor sometimes? She’s fun and nice, and she gets along with the lot of us so well, and…” and pretty too, he thought guiltily.

“Don’t tell me you’re going soft on her, Padfoot. You know her, she’s an absolute menace.” James elbowed his friend good-naturedly. “Now eat. She’s also a mean seeker, and I am not about to get beat by my younger sister in the first quidditch match of the year.”

Remus caught Sirius’ eye, eyebrow raised subtly. Curse Moony and his stupid perception.

Sirius was caught up in his thoughts the rest of the morning, even as he was putting on his quidditch gear. Godric, what is wrong with you? Have you truly gone mental? She’s your best mate’s younger sister. Younger, too! Too young for you, and too good for you, and she’s James’ sister! James Potter, your friend who would kill you if he found out about your feelings. Which don’t exist, of course. No, you don’t have any feelings for her. It’s brotherly affection. It’s-

“PADFOOT!” James’ face was right in front of his. “You’ve been off your game all day, mate. We’re starting in 5, you gotta get your shit together. And I know you have a tendency to go easy on my sister—which I normally would appreciate, by the way—but this is war! On the pitch, she’s not my baby sister, she’s the enemy. Act like it!” James clapped as he led the team into the stadium, cheers exploding from each of the houses, minus Slytherin. Opposite the Gryffindors approached the Slytherins, led by their keeper and Captain, Emma Vanity, whom you had gushed about on multiple occasions. You wiggled your eyebrows at your brother, meeting Sirus’ eye with a poorly suppressed smile. Sirius pursed his lips to hide his own.

The older Potter and Vanity shook hands, his face immediately hardening as the young Madame Hooch called, “mount your brooms, please. Now, on your marks…” Hooch’s silver whistle cut through the stadium as the teams shot upwards. Davey Gudgeon’s dramatic throat-clearing as he amplified his voice filled the air.

“AND THEY’RE OFF! LOOKS LIKE MALFOY IS QUICK TO GRAB THE QUAFFLE WITH POTTER ON HIS TAIL; OHH, BLACK IS QUICK WITH THE BLUDGER AND POTTER HAS POSESSION OF THE QUAFFLE!” From your peripheral, you saw Mulciber lean forward on his broom to catch up to your brother, with Malfoy closing in on the other side.

“AND POTTER DODGES A BODY BLOW WITH A SLICK DIVE, LIVING UP TO HIS REPUTATION AND THAT BLOODY PRIZE I HAVE TO SCRUB DURING DETEN-”

“STAY FOCUSED, DUGEON.”

“Right, my bad Professor… THERE GOES THE LITTLE POTTER AFTER HER BROTHER, YOU KNOW THE TWO OF THEM ARE QUITE ATTRACTIVE, I’VE ALWAYS WONDERED IF THEY HAVE VEELA BLOOD-” With a huff, Gudgeon’s commentary was cut short with an impatient elbow from McGongall.

Your smile only grew at the Slytherins cheered your name; you relished the stinging wind against your cheeks. You swore you caught a glimmer of gold underneath James as he escaped Mulciber and Malfoy, but it was nowhere to be seen now. Returning to a circling position above the rest of the players, you made eye contact with the Gryffindor seeker, Patricia Rakepick, a seventh year who couldn’t help her soft spot towards you, despite the complaints of the older Potter. You grinned at each other, until Rakepick broke eye contact and whizzed right past you.

“RAKEPICK, LOOKING LOVELY AS EVER, HAS SPOTTED SOMETHING! POTTER IS JUST BEHIND- OW, LOOKS LIKE A NASTY HIT FROM MR. SIRIUS BLACK HAS INCAPACITATED WILKES. NEVER FEAR, ROSIER IN POSESSION OF THE QUAFFLE… MACDONALD’S BLUDGER MISSES… AND HE SCORES! 10-0!” The Slytherin stand roared, a sea of green and silver erupting from their seats.

While Wilkes pumped his fist and blew exaggerated kisses to the Slytherins, you took an opportunity to find Rakepick. There she was, with the snitch just a few meters away!

“IMPRESSIVE SLOTH GRIP ROLL FROM RAKEPICK TO DODGE MEADOWES’ BLUDGER… LOOKS LIKE THE SNITCH HAS GOTTEN AWAY.” Sirius took a second to glance up at you, as if to assure you hadn’t been caught up in the bludgeoning. Of course, you were fine. You were a perfectly capable quidditch player; why wouldn’t you be fine?

“POTTER STEALS THE QUAFFLE FROM WILKES, WHO’S BACK IN THE GAME… NICE TWIRL FROM POTTER AS HE MISSES LESTRANGE’S BLUDGER… MALFOY COMES IN AND SLYTHERIN IS IN POSSESSION OF THE QUAFFLE AGAIN!”

“Sirius Black, what in Godric’s fucking hell are you doing? You’re supposed to be bludgening Malfoy and his lot! Get your head in the game!” Sirius woke from his trance as fuming James flies past him, chasing after Lucius.

“MCKINNON INCOMING… SHE’S GOT THE QUAFFLE AND SHOOTS… AW, A GOOD SAVE FROM VANITY AND MALFOY’S GOT THE QUAFFLE AGAIN!”

The glint appeared right in front of your eyes. As Malfoy sped towards the Gryffindor goalposts, the snitch followed. Your blood raced with adrenaline as you wove between your older brother and the other chasers, hot on Lucius’ tail. Lucius was fast, but the snitch was faster.

“LOOKS LIKE THE YOUNGER POTTER HAS SPOTTED SOMETHING; COULD IT BE THE SNITCH? LOOK AT THAT- GOING HANDS FREE AS SHE FLIES OVER MALFOY’S HEAD… RAKEPICK COMING IN FROM THE LEFT…”

Amidst the chaos, the snitch had begun a rapid descent. You and Patricia Rakepick dove after it, but your smaller frame pushed completely against the handle of your broomstick gave you just that extra push of speed. Your fingers were mere centimeters from the snitch as Sirius raised his bat, knowing James would murder him if he let Gryffindor lose with 0 points just because of his reluctance to attack James’ little sister—perhaps even worse than what he’d do if he found out Sirius liked… no, Sirius didn’t… he was just…

In his internal fight, he hit the bludger with a resounding crack as it began spinning and gaining momentum as it whizzed towards you. It was too late for you to react before you were violently knocked off your broomstick, one arm reaching desperately for the handle. There was screaming from the stands as you fell through the air clutching your hands to your chest, but you couldn’t hear anything with your heart thundering in your ears. The players froze as James let go of the quaffle to race after his sister, your eyes closed as you cursed Hogwarts for not letting students apparate and cursed yourself for not being able to apparate anyways. Sirius, momentarily frozen, heard Remus and Peter’s voices shouting for him to do something, anything. His stomach twisted as he followed James down, hoping that at least one of them would be able to reach you in time.

He was wrong. You hit the ground with a dull thud and a whimper, followed by a crunch that made both James and Sirius wince. How many meters was that? Sirius didn’t want to know. Madame Pomfrey was quick to rush to your side while Madame Hooch motioned the players to come down for a time out.

“Give me space! Out of the way, boys, I need to see her.” Pomfrey fought her way past the panicking Sirius and James, who turned as they heard Remus and Peter’s footsteps approaching with Lily in tow; Regulus coming from the Slytherin stands. Sirius glanced at his younger brother, who pressed his lips together in a forced smile. Sirius was about to open his mouth and say something when Vanity stormed over, face flushed, Marlene and Dorcas following behind.

“Sirius. Fucking. Black.” She emphasized each word with a shove to his chest, standing a couple of inches above Sirius. “What was that? What were you thinking? You nearly killed her! Wait, did you kill her? Is she dead? Holy shit, you’re fucked up, you know that? What the fuck is wrong with you?” She was crouched next to you only moments later, gently brushing your hair out of your face with calloused fingers. Pomfrey swore under her breath, tapping her wand against your chest rhythmically, her fingers pressed against your neck checking for a pulse.

“Good news everyone! She’s not dead.” Pomfrey announced to the small group which had gathered around. “But the bad news is she’s severely fractured multiple ribs, appears to have major head trauma, which would make sense because she fell off her broom for the sake of this stupid, dangerous, purposeless game,” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose, “a broken arm, and a bruised tailbone.” Pomfrey stood up and gestured to allow the students to check in on you as she and McGonagall spoke in harsh whispers.

“Shit. Shit, shit shit. Fuck.” James was the first to jostle through, collapsing to his knees in front of you. McGonagall didn’t even look his way as he spewed profanities. Sirius couldn’t move. It was his fault. He got distracted. James told him to get his shit together, not kill his little sister! And, like the screw-up he was, he did exactly the latter.

Your eyelids fluttered as you saw James’ terrified face above yours. With a weak groan, you opened your hand, the snitch in your scraped palm. “We win,” you chuckled hoarsely, wincing as pain tore through your chest.

“You’re such an idiot. You’re incorrigible, you know that? Can’t ever stay out of trouble,” tears slipped down James’ face, leaving tear marks as they washed away the grime on his cheeks.

“Is she okay?” Lily whispered in James’ ear, who was too caught up in his worries to even think about how close the love of his life was to his face. James could only sniffle. Dorcas rubbed Marlene’s arm while Peter patted Sirius on the back and Remus rubbed his shoulder, sensing his distress. Sirius could only watch as Regulus took your hand, fingers passing over the small scuff next to your eye with Sirius’ eyes fixed on his brother’s movements with a clenched jaw.

“Listen, you’re gonna be okay. I’ll take you up to the infirmary and stay with you until you feel better,” Regulus smiles reassuringly. “C’mon, up you go.” Pomfrey levitated you onto a stretcher and headed for the castle, Regulus by your side. McGonagall shooed Remus and Peter away, insisting they weren’t needed here and instructed the two captains to deal with their respective teams. But Sirius couldn’t move; it was as if he was tethered to the ground in chains of guilt and jealousy watching your figure disappear.

“You good, mate?” James threw his arm around Sirius’ shoulders as Peter and Remus walked away with concerned glances thrown over their shoulders.

“Prongs, I nearly killed your sister! Why the fuck are you asking me if I’m okay?” Sirius hissed as he pushed James away, storming towards the locker rooms.

“Hey, don’t ignore me!” Sirius ignored him. “I said, don’t ignore me!” James slammed his hand against a locker as he blocked Sirius’ path, hoping to force a word out of his friend, but Sirius only looked at the ground.

“It’s not your fault, Pads. She’s the toughest quidditch player I know. More so than you and I, even,” he forced out a laugh. When Sirius continued to refuse to make eye contact, James grabbed him the shoulders and shook him roughly.

“Hey, I hate to resort to this, but this isn’t bloody about you and your guilt. First of all, it’s not your fault. You did exactly what you were supposed to, and an accident happened, and she’s gonna get Pomfrey treatment, which means she’ll be on bed rest until she’s completely good. That woman’s ego could not handle having a patient leave without full recovery, you know that. She’s in good hands.” Sirius’ red-rimmed eyes flickered between James, looking for any trace of blame. There was none.

“Second, moping around and drowning in your emo feelings will do nobody any good, except maybe Slughorn, who’ll get a real kick out of your silence in Potions. Go shower or something, you smell like Snivellus; meet me in the infirmary when you’re done, okay?”

Sirius watched James disappear into the distance, just as he watched the water disappear into the drain, and just as he felt any chance of being your friend disappear into thin air. All he ever wanted to do was keep you safe, and make you smile that radiant smile of yours, and if he was lucky, bring out that infectious laugh that turned him stupid every time he heard it. Now, he was lugging equipment up to the infirmary with damp hair and puffy eyes, not ready whatsoever to face you.

“Padfoot, you’re here! She’s still asleep.” James motioned for the sullen boy to join him and Regulus at your bed. Regulus was once again, by your face, threading his fingers through a strand of your windblown hair. There it was, that feeling in his gut. It was probably hunger; he hadn’t eaten a proper breakfast and then he’d played quidditch.

Sirius sat across from Regulus, who looked up from beneath hooded eyes with a silent glare which Sirius read to mean, “don’t you dare come near her. You don’t deserve her. She’s mine.”

“Alright Mr. Potter, you smell awful, and Mr. Black, you’ve been here for too long. The both of you—out!” Pomfrey ushered the two boys out, much to their protests, and turned to Sirius with something that looked like pity in her eyes. “As for you… you get eight minutes.”

Sirius watched as you slept, brows furrowed. He reached to brush away the dirt on your forehead, but his hand froze just as his fingers came close enough to feel the warmth of your skin. He stiffened, wondering if he even had the right to be sitting next to you when he was the reason you were here in the first place.

“Please… please, you have to be okay. You have to. I don’t know what I’d do…” Sirius murmured, finally finding the courage to swipe his fingers across your skin. “You know, James says he doesn’t blame me for this. Is it selfish to wish I wasn’t here right now? You- even when you sleep, you’re so-” he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud; it felt dirty, like a betrayal to his brother. You’re so beautiful. You’re so reassuring. You’re so strong.

“I haven’t even gotten the chance to tell you how I feel. I don’t know how I feel, actually.” Sirius laughed mirthlessly. “But I feel like I should. I should know how I feel, I mean. I should know how I feel about you because you- you’re always so confident and I can’t be that for you; I can’t even get my shit together.” He sighed, pulling his hand away from where he had been rubbing gentle circles against your temple, wondering if you’d hate him. The worst part was, that he knew you wouldn’t.

Sirius sat by your bed for a while, head between his hands as he replayed the fall— the way your eyes closed as if you had resigned yourself to the inevitable impact, the way he foolishly thought he could save you, and the way he didn’t. He jumped at Madame Pomfrey’s chill hand, freshly sanitized. You don’t belong here, all sterile and bland. You’re nothing like that. You’re the light. You’re my brilliant, Gryffindor red and I’m not even brave enough to tell you how I feel. Or to fucking admit how I feel to myself.

Sirius could hear Pomfrey’s foot tapping in concern as he left the infirmary, picking up his quidditch equipment from the floor and wishing he had never stepped foot in the stadium at all.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

#sirius black imagine #sirius x reader #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x reader angst #sirius black angst #sirius black x potter!reader #best friend's sister #maurauders era #maurauders angst

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camywamycam · 10 months

Text

what was left behind in the rubble P.2

1,150 words

soon to be harry x reader

summary: you moved in with your father Sirius Black from California two months ago and he completely ignores you when Harry arrives for your birthday your adoptive father visits you and hell breaks loose.

Sirius Black had many questions, as did everyone else. Harry had been talking with Sirius about something, but at this point, he couldn't remember because of how often the subject would change. that's when he heard a knock on the door and the hushed voice of Remus who was practically interrogating him. "who are you? how did you find this place" Remus said harshly. As the man was about to answer both men heard a loud gasp coming from the hallway. Harry and Sirius both watched as y/n practically jumped off the staircase into the grasp of the strange man. "I can't believe you're here!" "Of course I'm here it's not like I would've missed your birthday," Joel said in a sarcastic voice. Joel was a large man. standing 6'5 (taller than Sirius by 8 inches) and he had a scowl embedded permanently on his stubble-covered face. he was quite intimidating to put it shortly, although Harry could tell that wouldn't stop Sirius and his stupidity from picking a fight with the man. Joel smiled as he put down the strange object he was holding and spun y/n around. Harry looked at Sirius with wide eyes as Sirius stood up and walked cockily toward the much bigger man.

I'm sorry, and you are? Sirius said in a rude tone as Remus just stood back in shock. he and Molly had been trying to get you to open up to them for months. you never smiled or left your room. they would invite you to partake in activities with them but you would always refuse and opt to stay in your room with your muggle cassette tapes and guitar. seeing you switch up your demeanor and so easily jump into the arms of this random man made him reflect upon himself. maybe he should've tried harder. maybe he should try to bond with you over your interests. he felt as if he failed to be your godfather. Sirius despite having ignored you during all the time you had been staying in his house had a random rush of a fatherly authority. who was this strange man holding his daughter? Who the hell did he think he is? instead of wondering why you didn't act that way with him, he chose to ignore how happy you were with him and focus on getting this guy out of his house. "oh um Im Joel, her muggle guardian, that's what they call us right y/n? muggle?" "yeah Dad" Sirius felt his heart drop. all of a sudden his reality dawned on him. you never called him that. he never gave you the father-daughter relationship he was supposed to give you, instead he pushed you away just as he did your mother before she passed. though, he was much too prideful to let his self-reflection show in the presence of all these people. he was much too prideful to admit he had fucked up, it was a talent he carried throughout his life. his blissful ignorance. "I'm sorry but this home is being used by the order, you can't be here," he said in an attempt to get him to leave. Harry just watched as the other nosey children of the home started filling in the room silently as if they could smell conflict. Joel having picked up on the negative vibes Sirius sent his way instantly began returning the same hostility. "actually I was just about to leave" Joel said giving Sirius a fake smile "I just wanted to drop off y/ns gift before I take her out for the day" Sirius ignored the new information. he didn't know it was your birthday, he never bothered to ask. "what makes you think you can take out my daughter?" he said making a point to exaggerate the "my" "I'm not your daughter and I never will be" y/n said in a closed off tone. who the hell did he think he is? For the past month, he acted as if you didn't exist while he treated that Potter kid as if he was god himself. Joel noticed you're now closed-off manner and your fidgeting hands as he reached out to put his arm around you to calm you down. Sirius being the ignorant dumb child man he is ignored how uncomfortable you were and instead of backing down he chose to provoke Joel into arguing with her "I'm not letting some junkie take my daughter" "Oh please look at yourself you reek of cigarettes"

before Sirius could get the crap beaten out of him Remus stepped in and made him step down as you and Joel left. Remus had always wanted a family but he ignored the small one in front of him. having seen your beautiful platonic relationship with Joel Remus was now determined to make you feel more included even if he had to drag you out of your room. he was jealous and disappointed in himself.

you didn't come back for a long while. you showed Joel around the area that you were now somewhat knowledgeable about although you pretended as if you were an expert to make him impressed. Joel took you shopping in the muggle side of town, somewhere you haven't been allowed to go to. he even took you to the movies! Joel felt bad for the scene that Sirius he had caused. when you walked into the dining room the tension thickened. the children in the room looked between the adults anticipating drama. "so, how was your day with your drug dealer?" "Sirius that's eno-" "What the fuck is your problem? You never cared about me until now, stop trying to act like your my dad because you never will be!" the table went silent. "I am your father, you are my blood!" Sirius squared like a segal on drugs as Molly ushered the children up the stairs. all left but Harry since he was so entitled to push himself into your problems. "Sirius does everything for you and you treat him like shit!" Harry said ignorantly. "oh I'm treating him like shit? I've talked to him twice in the 4 months I've been here!" you retreated up to your room pushing the other teens who were eavesdropping from the staircase. you flopped on your bed as you curled up into a ball and cried.

Remus felt terrible. even if he had treated you kindly he still sat back and allowed you to be treated as if you were nothing. he should've intervened earlier but now all he can do is hope you are willing to forgive him.

Remus knocked on the door "May I come in?" Remus said wearily "Yeah sure..." Remus walked into the room that was dimly lit by your muggle "led" lights. he didn't speak. he engaged you in his warm hugs and held you as you cried. "shh it's okay, let it out."

tag list

@moonys0chocolate @venomsvl @quackitysdrugdealer

#harry potter fanfiction #sirius black x daughter!reader #harry potter marauders #marauders era #Marauders #harry potter x reader #harry potter angst #angst #Remus Lupin #remus lupin x reader platonic #sirius black x reader angst

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melodramaschild · 1 year

Text

“Was I just a fucking bet?!” You raise your voice and throw your hands around yourself.

Sirius gaps, swallowing his pride as he looks into your eyes. “I promise that I didn’t mean t-”

“Yes or no?” You’re calm. “Am I a bet, yes or no.”

“Yes. Yes, you are.” Sirius is disappointed with himself. He outstretches his hands to reach out for you. To grasps onto your arms and hold you close to him so he could explain everything to you.

But you just eye him, not moving, not blinking. Only eyeing him like you’re a robot who sees a human for the first time.

He expects you to cry and scream, to hit him and to curse him. But you only nod. “Alright,” you hum, not a single tear forming in your eyes.

Before he can say anything you interrupt him. “Goodbye, Sirius.” You say with a stern voice as you turn around on your heel, leaving Sirius standing in the middle of the night with your favourite flowers in his arms.

He watches you as you leave, as your long dress is swimming behind you and how you walk, slowly, bravely… tensely.

He turns to his friends, shaking his head. He drops the flowers on the cold street and runs to you. “Y/n! Y/n! Wait please!” his voice is cutting through the dense night.

But you’re already gone and he can’t find you in the streets.

#robies dialogues #sirius black #sirius black x reader angst #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x you angst #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x y/n angst

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ro-is-struggling · 1 year

Note

Can I pretty please request 6 with sirius black and perhaps slytherin! Reader?

Hi beautiful💜 Thank you so much for participating in the celebration and I'm sorry it took me so long to post your request!

This is so long for no reason I’m sorry!! I got soooo carried away I didn’t realize I wrote a fucking novel until it was to late lol But I really enjoyed wrtiring this one even tho it took forever and it was a pain in the ass to edit lol, I had a lot of fun so I hope you like it too

Dating 101 || Sirius Black x Slytherin!Reader

Summary: You and Sirius are not the best of friends, but you end up going to him in desperate need of help to get the attention of the guy you've liked for years but don't seem to be able to talk to. He agrees to help you and for the next few weeks you spend time together, getting to know each other better as he teaches you everything he knows about the dating world. The more time you spend together, the more you realize that Sirius is not the arrogant jerk you thought he was, which leads to confused feelings and doubts about who is the one who truly owns your heart.

Warnings: slow burn, rivals to lovers, attempt at humor, reader being awkward, fluff, a little angst kinda

English is not my first language

Word count: 16.700

This fic is part of my 600 followers celeration

You couldn't believe what you were about to do, your brain screaming at you to stop. You felt sick at the thought of turning to Sirius for help, but you truly had no other choice. You had avoided this as much as you could, but your situation couldn't go on like this, not if you wanted to get your crush to look at you at some point. You weren't a big fan of Sirius —you found that he could be annoying and arrogant at times—, but you couldn't deny that he knew all about the dating world. He was confident and was able to get the attention of anyone he wanted just by giving them a smile. You couldn't understand how he did it —how could anyone be so charming?—, but you couldn't argue with the hard evidence. Sirius was a master at the art of dating and you needed his help.

You felt a bit silly going to him for help with something like this. You weren't necessarily friends, more like frenemies. You usually argued and competed for points for your respective houses-Sirius for Gryffindor, you for Slytherin-you were both very good students and found your fights stimulating, but you also knew how to work together when necessary. You didn't hate each other, it was just that your personalities clashed easily and you both had a predilection for annoying the other to the point of madness.

"I need your help with something, Black." You announced when you found him at the Gryffindor table in the Great Dining Hall. He was with his friends, laughing as they plotted who knows what, but you didn't care. You needed to talk to him and you needed to do it now. "Can we talk... in private?" You added as you noticed James, Peter and Remus' curious glances at you.

Sirius looked at you with a raised eyebrow, noticing a hint of discomfort in your action. You were fidgeting, your fingers lightly tapping the edges of the book you held in your hands as you moved your feet constantly, shifting your body weight from one to the other every couple of seconds. Something was bothering you and for some reason you had gone to him of all people. Sirius didn't need to ask you any more questions to follow you into the hallway, too intrigued by what you had to say.

“What’s up, Y/LN?” He asked you when he saw the doubt in your expression, opening and closing your mouth a couple of times without making a sound. He had to admit that your behavior kept poking his curiosity to the point that he was willing to say yes to anything you asked as long as you told him something.

"I need your help," you mumbled as you searched for the right words to explain your situation. Your brain was screaming at you to shut your mouth, sure that Sirius would do nothing but make fun of you, but you had no other options left so that was a risk you would have to take.

"You said that already," he pointed out. "What do you need my help for?"

"I need you to help me get a guy's attention. I know you're really good at this stuff and I thought maybe you could help me out." You spoke quickly, the words running over each other and making the sentence almost unintelligible. It took Sirius a few seconds to understand what you had said, but when he did a cocky smile formed on his face.

“Really?” You regretted asking for his help as soon as you heard the amused tone in his voice. He was definitely enjoying this, it wasn't every day that you were so vulnerable in front of him. He would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy listening to you compliment his abilities in the love department. For the first time you were admitting that he was better than you at something without putting up a fight.

"Forget it." You turned to walk away convinced that you had made a mistake in trusting someone like Sirius with your problem. You barely made it two steps before you felt his hand close around your arm to stop you.

"Nonono wait! I wanna help." He was quick to say before you got too far away. "What's your problem?" You remained silent for a moment, watching his face to make sure he wasn't messing with you. You weren't in the mood to put up with his teasing and this topic was too sensitive for you. If he wasn't willing to genuinely give you his help then you would have to leave.

However, you found nothing in his expression that made you suspect that he had bad intentions, so you told him your situation. You told him how much you liked this Oliver guy and how incredibly stupid you became whenever he was around. You had a crush on him for the past two years and even though you were from the same house and shared almost every class, you had never been able to exchange more than two words with him. And it was always embarrassing. All he had to do was look in your direction and you completely lost your cognitive abilities, becoming a nervous mess who couldn't utter more than two words without stuttering.

After all this time you had almost gotten used to making a fool of yourself in front of Oliver, it was a constant part of your day to day life so you had stopped worrying about it the way you used to. You held out hope that you could get better with time, gather the confidence and courage to face your feelings and have a normal conversation with him at least once. However, all your hopes were shattered after the embarrassing moment you experienced this morning.

The Potions class had dragged on a bit so by the time you were finally able to leave the classroom everyone was running late for their next classes. Everybody rushed through the halls and in the confusion of people Oliver bumped into you, causing your books to fall to the floor. Like the gentleman he was, he bent down with you to pick them up and your fingers brushed as he handed them back to you, causing the skin on your hand to tingle. He smiled at you and apologized for hitting you, but your brain, overwhelmed by the contact and proximity, wouldn't allow you to do anything but mumble incoherently. When you noticed the confusion on his face you knew it was time to run, so you grabbed your books and ran down the hallway, bumping into a couple of students on the way.

“Wow! You suck!” Sirius laughed at your misery. He had a hard time imagining you as someone so shy and awkward given that with him you were Miss I-Know-It-All. Sirius always saw you as a confident and self-assured girl, ready to take the world by storm if it got in the way of your goals.

"I know!" you admitted with a tone of frustration, hiding your face in your hands. You didn't see the point in lying to Sirius, your pride was already crushed from the moment you decided to go to him. "That's why I need your help!"

"Okay, I'll help you, but what's in it for me?" The way he was looking at you, with a raised eyebrow and an amused smile on his face, made you suspicious of his intentions. What was he getting at? " What's in it for me if I help you, something that, let me remind you, I have absolutely no need to do?"

"My eternal gratitude?"

"Oh, it has to be something better than that! You're asking for a lot here, do you have any idea of how much work it's gonna take me to fix your awkwardness?" You knew he was joking for the most part and you were aware that there was a lot of truth behind his words —you were pretty much a lost case—, but it still hurt a little to hear him say that. You weren't used to taking his words without putting up a fight, but you knew that wouldn't get you anywhere. It was time to swallow your pride and listen to Sirius no matter how ridiculous and annoying it sounded.

"Then what do you want?" You asked him, letting out a frustrated sigh, crossing your arms in front of your chest in a defiant stance. You had no time for his games and you were pretty much willing to do anything for his help. "Name your price."

Sirius took a moment to think, but there was something in his expression that suggested to you that he already knew exactly what he wanted from you.

"Fine I'll do it, but only if you help me with my Herbology assignment." He stated after a few seconds of silence. You looked at him in surprise, doubting for a moment if you had heard correctly. For some reason you were expecting something more terrible, like him using you to make a prank against your own house or having you as a servant for a week, you know, something that felt more like a punishment than anything else.

"Really? That's it?" It was a reflex caused by surprise that you couldn't help but blurt out. You were more than happy with his terms, helping him in Herbology was something you could do with ease.

"No, now that I think about it I also want you to declare to everyone that I'm better than you in everything, but we can work on that."

And there was the Sirius you knew. You shook your head in disapproval, but couldn't contain the giggle that escaped your lips. He was an idiot, but a funny idiot.

"Fine! We have a deal?" You asked, holding out your hand for him to shake. He looked at you for a moment before taking your hand, closing his fingers over it in a firm grip.

"We have a deal."

Sirius refused to tell you what he had planned for his first lesson —his words, not yours. No matter how hard you pressed him for a clue, he kept his mouth shut. He told you it was best that you didn't know more than the day and time he wanted to meet with you to discuss your situation, so you had to spend the week between the stress of homework and exams and the nerves Sirius aroused in you with all the secrecy.

But finally, after so much suffering and uncertainty, Saturday came. You usually took advantage of the weekend to do your homework or spend time with your friends, but not this time. From the moment you woke up you spent the day counting down the hours until you could meet Sirius. You weren't even surprised that he took his role comically seriously, walking around you while talking as if he was a teacher and you were his only student. He even made exaggerated gestures, mixing several of your teachers into one personality. He only needed a board to write nonsense on and the character would be complete. You didn't mind that he found a way to joke in the middle of it all, you figured that was better than literally anything else he could come up with.

"Today's lesson is about confidence." Sirius announced firmly, looking down at you as if you were an innocent little girl and he was an experienced adult who had all the answers to your questions. And in a way he was, so you closed your mouth and listened to what he had to say. "If you want to ask this guy out then first you have to be able to be able to talk to him. And for that you have to be confident in yourself and your abilities. That's really the most important part of all. Confidence can get you far in life."

You knew very well that what he said was true, but it was much easier said than done. You were a confident girl in general, sure of your ideas and unafraid to communicate them. In any other area of life you had no problem making yourself heard, but when it came to love your brain stopped working. It was the one thing your brain couldn't master, the one thing that didn't seem to make sense and therefore was impossible to study. The world and everything you knew about it stopped making sense when Oliver got close to you. Your brain would fry when he smiled, overwhelmed by the perfection of his face, and suddenly forget how to function properly, making your strong and special personality get lost in a bunch of incoherent babbling.

“That’s easier said than done,” you complained, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but everytime Oliver looks at me I get all stupid and suddenly I forget how to speak.”

“You’re insecure because you lack experience in the matter, that’s completely normal.” You frowned at the confidence in Sirius' voice, but after contemplating his words for a few seconds you realized he was right. How he had been able to figure it out so quickly, you didn't know.

“That… actually makes sense. What do you think I should do?”

“Easy! You need to practice.” He said as if it were obvious, dropping down next to you.

“Practice?”

“Yep, right here, right now. Show me what you’ve got.”

“S-show you what I’ve got?” you repeated in a whisper, unsure how to proceed. You didn't have any lines if that's what he meant. You didn't usually walk around school thinking about which boy's attention you wanted to attract that day, so you didn't have a list of stupid, cheesy icebreaker phrases like you knew he had.

"Just pretend that I'm him. You have me sitting next to you, what's your line?" Sirius' eyes were glued to yours, looking at you expectantly. It made you nervous, so naturally, you made nothing but a fool of yourself when you opened your mouth.

"Hey there... you..." you hesitantly mumble, cringing at yourself. You wanted to slap yourself for being so pathetic. What was wrong with you? You were so much better than this, why was it impossible for you to sound like a normal person when it came to a guy? "I'm sorry, this isn't working. I'm not usually the one that initiates the conversations. Also when I look at you I just see you, so this is dumb."

You hid your face in your hands to avoid meeting Sirius' mocking gaze. You knew he was probably getting a kick out of your suffering and stupidity, although you were thankful he didn't make it so obvious. You wanted to run out of there, hide under your sheets and never be noticed again by any other human being. There was no hope for you, you were convinced of it. You were too pathetic and you would die alone because of it.

"Fine, let's try a different approach." Sirius sounded too optimistic for someone who had seen you make a fool of yourself like that. "You see that guy over there," he said, forcing you to take your hands away from your face so you could see the boy he was pointing at. When you nodded, he continued. "I want you to get over there and flirt with him."

You let out a long laugh that died as soon as you noticed the seriousness on Sirius' face. "Wait, seriously?" He nodded with a smile and you felt your stomach start to twist with nerves.

"Look, talking to Oliver scares you, right? The only way to get over it is to face it right here, right now. So I want you to go there and talk to that guy."

"And say what?" You panicked, your voice a couple of notes higher than normal. You didn't even know the guy Sirius wanted you to flirt with, which guaranteed not only that things would go horribly wrong but also that you would be humiliated in front of a complete stranger. Great! That was exactly what you needed at that moment. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I can barely talk to you. what am I supposed to say to this guy?”

“I don’t know, use a dumb line like…” Sirius took a few seconds to think, though you wished he had never opened his mouth again. "Hey, I could tell from across the room we might be into each other, now that I'm here I know it, your move." The exaggeratedly feminine voice he made as he recited the worst line you'd ever heard in your life did nothing to ease your urge to hit him. There was no way you were going to say that to a complete stranger. No, you refused.

"I'm sorry, have you met me? I couldn't get through three words of that."

"Fine! Walk over there and say hey there."

"Hey there?" You tried to protest, but he cut you off, pushing you to get up.

"C'mon, up, up!" you resisted his pushes, but Sirius was much stronger than you and eventually won you over.

You took several deep breaths before you decided to take the first step towards that mysterious boy who was so calmly reading a book sitting on a bench in the hallway overlooking the courtyard. You walked as slowly as possible without looking weird, turning every two seconds to look at Sirius hoping he would take pity on you and let you go back to your place. However, he just smiled at you, giving you the thumbs up in a gesture of encouragement and making you hate him just a little bit.

You sat on the unoccupied end of the bench, making yourself as small as possible to try to go unnoticed. It didn't make much sense since you were supposed to talk to him, but first you needed a moment to calm your nerves.

C'mon, you can do this!' the voice of bravery in your mind tried to encourage you. 'It's just a guy! The sooner you talk to him, the sooner you can get this over with.'

You tried to summon your inner Sirius and, letting out a sigh, you turned to look at the boy who was still concentrating on the book in his hands. "Hey there!" Your voice sounded smaller and more pathetic than you meant it to, but it managed to get the boy's attention.

"Hi," he said, slightly confused. A few seconds of awkward silence ensued as your brain struggled to function, thinking of the best way to continue the conversation.

"What are you reading there?" Without saying anything, the boy closed the book in his hands to show you the cover, giving you time to read the title. It was an old book from the library on the history of the magical world. "Ah, I see. Homework or pleasure?" You didn't know why you were so interested in the book he was reading, it didn't even matter for what you were supposed to be doing, but at least it was a topic of conversation. It was either that or a deep uncomfortable silence until one of you got tired and left.

"I'm doing some research for an essay," he explained as if it were obvious. What teenager would spend a weekend reading a history book for pleasure?

“Oh, about what? Cause I’m really good at History and I-”

“I’m sorry but I’m kinda busy,” he interrupted you before you could continue with your ramblings that were going nowhere. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Oh no, sorry!" you were quick to apologize, feeling the blood from all over your body pooling in your cheeks. Embarrassed, you turned your gaze away from the boy looking for anything else to focus on so you wouldn't have to face your humiliation. Your eyes met Sirius, who gave you a smile. On his lips you read words of encouragement, so you took another deep breath and returned your attention to the boy sitting next to you. "Actually... I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out with me sometime?"

An awkward silence formed and lasted a few seconds. The boy's eyes locked on you, but you couldn't hold his gaze as you waited for an answer. Your eyes searched Sirius once again for comfort and that's when you heard the laughter.

"That was good! Did Sirius put you up to this?" the boy laughed, humiliating you a little more with each chuckle. Of course he thought it was a joke!

"You got me!" you blurted out with a fake laugh, throwing your hands up in the air in defeat. "He dared me to come over and talk to you. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

The boy said something else, but you didn't hear him since you were already running back to Sirius. You felt humiliated and dejected. Not only had you made a fool of yourself, but it had all been for nothing. That experience hadn't taught you anything you didn't already know —that you were awkward and weird and that you would die alone because of your lack of flirting skills.

"See, that wasn't so bad!" Sirius encouraged you as you sat back down next to him. "You got him to laugh!"

"That was humiliating and I hate you."

"Well too bad because now I want you to talk to fifteen guys."

"What? No, forget it!" Sirius was crazy if he thought you were willing to do that again. You'd been humiliated enough for one day, you wanted to go to sleep now.

"Oh my sweet, innocent little bug." Sirius said in an almost condescending tone, putting his arm around your shoulders and pulling you close to him. You scrunched up your nose at the strange nickname he had chosen for you, trying to decide if you hated it or thought it was funny. "Confidence takes work. You can't just talk to one guy and expect everything to magically change. You need to work for it, take a few hits, learn that a negative response it's not the end of the world and it doesn't define who you are or your value as a person."

"It's easy for you to say! All you have to do is smile and every girl in school throw themselves at you."

"That's because I already put in the work, silly." He bumped your nose with his finger and you rolled your eyes, pushing him to break free from his embrace. Suddenly you weren't in the mood for his bullshit. "So now I want you to do the same. Go get them!"

Letting out a grunt, you got up and set off down the corridors of Hogwarts in search of boys who were isolated enough to give you some privacy while you made a fool of yourself —the last thing you wanted was to be the laughing stock of the whole school. And as you walked along you couldn't help but think that maybe asking Sirius for help hadn't been as great an idea as you had initially thought.

“How exactly do you kill two mandrakes in a row?” Was your answer when Sirius told you the reason why he needed your help in Herbology. As part of the practical exam for the OWLs, Sirius had to tend a mandrake plant until it was fully ripe and then present it to the professor. It was not an easy task —mandrakes, like humans, were complicated beings—, but not impossible either. Sirius was a very skilled wizard and you believed that someone like him would have no problem with such a task. But apparently you were wrong, because according to what he had told you it was the second time the plant withered and died before it developed squeaky roots similar to a very ugly human baby.

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking for your help." He shrugged, opening the greenhouse door and stepping aside to let you pass. You found his response suspicious, it was hard to believe that someone like Sirius couldn't take care of a simple mandrake, but you didn't say anything about it. Instead, you let him lead you over to where his pot rested. "What am I doing wrong?"

“Well, have you been watering it enough?” was your first question when you noticed that the soil in the pot looked a little dry. You motioned for him to hand you the watering can and you took it upon yourself to hydrate the poor plant. "You need to check on it regularly. Mandrakes are very similar to us, they need love and attention to grow strong and healthy."

"I'm not going to treat this thing like it's my baby or something." Sirius complained, leaning back on the table as he watched you analyzing the state of the plant. He had to admit that the light reflected off the greenhouse in a unique way, giving you a different aura. You were glowing in a special way that Saturday morning and he couldn't help but wonder what was causing it.

"You'll have to do it if you want to pass the exam." Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts, bringing him back to reality. "But don't worry, I'll help you. We'll co-parent this thing." You both shared a laugh at how ridiculous that sounded, but Sirius would be lying if he said that the idea of spending more time with you disgusted him. He didn't quite know what was happening to him, but lately he didn't find you as annoying and insufferable as usual. Maybe it was because you weren't looking to argue with him every five minutes, or the fact that he had gotten to know a different side of you, but he found himself enjoying the time you spent together. It was fun to joke with you without starting a war.

You spent the next hour talking about mandrakes and you gave Sirius a couple of tips on how to keep it alive. You ended up setting up a schedule for him, marking the times when he had to visit to water it and when to move it to get the exact amount of sunlight it needed to grow strong. If he followed your advice, the mandrake would reach its squeaky baby stage in a couple of weeks. You promised to help him dig it up and repot it as it grew, but assured him that the daily care would fall to him so you could make sure he was learning something —after all, you didn't want to help him pass his OWL Herbology exam by cheating.

You parted ways when lunchtime arrived, each of you going to the table of your respective houses to eat with your friends. However, Sirius approached you again a couple of hours later while you were waiting with the other students to go on the Hogsmeade trip.

"Ready for your next lesson?" he said as he put his arm around your shoulders. It took you by surprise since in all the time you had shared in the morning he hadn't mentioned anything about having your next lesson.

"Already?" you asked, remembering that it had only been a week since your disastrous first lesson. Well, it hadn't been so bad after all. Sure, you had spent the afternoon humiliating yourself, talking nonsense to the first guy who crossed your path, but in the end you had managed to get a positive response from one. The small victory had made you feel good, but you still needed some more time to recover.

"Well, you were really helpful this morning so I wanted to do something in return."

"Is it going to take long? Cause I wanted to go out with the girls."

"Just give me an hour, then you're free to go." You looked at him with hesitation in your eyes, the ghost of their last encounter haunting you. If his next lesson was going to be as terrible as the first you weren't sure you were ready, you needed time to prepare your mind for the humiliation. "C'mon, you're going to like this one." Sirius insisted with a smile and you ended up giving in to his charms.

This time you kept your questions to yourself about what you'd do to yourself, knowing that Sirius wasn't going to give you a clue. You walked around Hogsmeade by his side, making casual small talk and laughing at his jokes as if you were lifelong best friends. However when you arrived at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop you couldn't help but ask him what were you doing there.

"The second lesson is going to be about the date itself and how to create the proper atmosphere." Sirius explained as he led you to one of the overly decorated tables. "If you want the date to end with you guys making out, you have to think ahead." You wrinkled your nose at his choice of words, but didn't mention anything about it.

"What do you in your infinite wisdom advise me to do?" you joked as you settled back in your seat. You stayed silent for a moment as you were served your tea, before returning to your conversation.

"Close proximity is very important if you want to create an intimate moment." Sirius declared as he took a sip of his tea. "No one is making out if they're three feet apart, so no matter where you have the date, you have to make sure you're close to each other." You listened to him speak attentively, trying hard to retain the information he was giving you as if you were studying for an exam.

“Being close, got it.” You repeated nodding your head, making a mental list of his advice that you hoped you wouldn't forget by the time you returned to school.

"If you come here for your date, you have to make sure you don't sit across from each other. Instead, move your chair a little closer to his, like this." Sirius slid his chair until it was almost next to yours so you were nestled against one side of the round table full of corny decorations. You could feel the warmth his body radiated caressing your skin. It made you nervous, though you didn't quite know why. You supposed it was because you weren't used to being so close to a guy —especially him— in a place that looked so romantic.

"See, this is better for flirting, accidental touching and making out." His voice had turned into a soft whisper, leaning toward you so he could speak in your ear. His breath collided against your neck with each word that left his lips, giving you goosebumps. The blood rushed to your cheeks from embarrassment, making your face feel on fire.

When you dared to look up, your eyes met Sirius's deep gray eyes admiring your face. It was the first time you were so close to him, you could clearly note every detail of his face, every glint in his cold gray orbs. Suddenly you understood all the girls at Hogwarts who sighed lovingly every time they saw him passing through the school halls. He had a singular beauty that came completely naturally to him, effortlessly. It was hard to look away from his perfect features and captivating eyes, even though you felt small and self-conscious under his intense gaze.

Sirius' eyes trailed down your face, lingering over your lips for a fraction of a second. It was almost imperceptible, but you noticed it, just as you noticed the arrogant little smile that formed at the corner of his lips. The air caught in your throat as you felt the room grow smaller, trapping you with him, forcing you to be close to him. And when his fingers brushed the exposed skin of your knee you couldn't help but let out a shriek of surprise, jumping in your seat to get away from him.

Sirius laughed as you struggled to compose yourself, breathing deeply to calm the wild pounding of your heart, repeating in your mind that the tingling you felt in your knee was just the product of your imagination and meant nothing. "It's not funny, you jerk!" you complained, tapping him on the shoulder to shut him up.

"You say that 'cause you didn't see your face." He laughed and you rolled your eyes. He was an idiot.

"If you don't stop laughing I'll leave and I won't help you with your little Herbology project." You threatened him and that seemed to get his attention.

“Okay, okay!” Sirius exclaimed, raising his hands in the air in surrender. He moved away from you again and that allowed you to breathe easier as you regained your personal space. "So, moving on... How do you set the tone at the date? Lighting matters, okay? The darker it is, the better. It creates a more intimate atmosphere."

"Close proximity, lighting, okay." You repeated, adding more details to your mental list. "What else?"

"Body language! Is he leaning in? Is he sitting close?" Sirius moved closer to you again, exemplifying his words with his actions. Your heart rate spiked once again as you felt the warmth of his body envelop you once more. His hand brushed yours on the table, forcing your gaze back to them. You felt the strange urge to entwine your fingers with his, wondering what it would feel like to hold his hand, but you held back, trying to focus on his words to distract yourself.

"And then it's all about interaction." He continued, as if he didn't know the effect his closeness had on you. "Is he trying to impress you? Does he say complimentary things to you? If yes, chances are he's going to make his move."

"Wow, I had no idea guys like you even thought about this kind of stuff." you said in a sarcastic tone, hoping it would help ease the tension you felt in the air.

"Well, that's because you're mean and you always think the worst of people." he joked and you laughed. He was kind of right. "But it's okay, I forgive you." Sirius put his arm around your shoulders again, pulling you against his body as you laughed and shook your head.

The tension in the air was beginning to dissipate, allowing you to have a good time together without feeling awkward and weird. You shared a couple more laughs before your date was interrupted by the voice of your best friend, who had seen you and Sirius from the store window as she walked through Hogsmeade and couldn't believe her eyes. As far as she knew you hated each other, so why were you hugging while drinking tea at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, a place frequented by couples?

You jumped on your feet at the mention of your name, struggling to think of an excuse that would justify you and Sirius being there. Despite the fact that she was your best friend, you hadn't told her about your little plan to get Oliver's attention. Not only was it humiliating to need help in order to get a date, but it was even more humiliating to have to go to the guy you argued with the most in all of Hogwarts for advice. It wasn't a decision you were proud of and you thought it was better if no one knew about it.

In the end it was Sirius who saved you, telling your friend that you were there with him to honor your part of a bet you had lost. It wasn't the first time you two had bet when arguing about something and most of the time it was the humiliation of the other that was at stake, so your friend bought the lie without asking many questions.

Before leaving Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop to follow your friend, you made sure to thank Sirius for saving you. He smiled at you, downplaying it, though you could swear there was a glint of sadness in his eyes as he looked back at you. You wanted to ask him if everything was alright, finding the sudden change in his mood strange, but before you could open your mouth you were interrupted by your friend's voice hurrying you to leave.

In the end you could only give Sirius an apologetic smile before following your friend and disappearing out the door. But for the rest of the day you continued to think about the events of that afternoon, wondering why you felt so strange when Sirius was around and why you almost wished you could have stayed with him in the tea store for a while longer.

By the time the third lesson came around you were already having doubts about everything. Did it make any sense? Was anything Sirius was telling you really going to do you any good? Did you even want to go out with Oliver?

Wait, what?

Of course you wanted to go out with him! He had been your crush for years and you had done nothing but fantasize about talking to him, admiring him from a distance hoping that he would reciprocate your feelings. He was the only guy you had ever cared about all this time, so of course you wanted to go out with him. You didn't understand where that stupid question had come from.

And then, as if the universe was giving you an answer, you felt the weight of Sirius' arm on your shoulders. As you looked up you met his charming smile, the one that once seemed arrogant and made you roll your eyes in annoyance, but now awakened a strange but comforting warmth inside you. Could it be that he was the reason behind your confusion?

"Ready for your next lesson, dove?" He spoke with his characteristic cheerful and nonchalant tone of voice. He was so casual that you almost missed the new nickname he had decided to use with you on that beautiful Friday afternoon.

"I'm 'dove' now?" you asked, looking at him with a confused frown. It was a little strange, but you'd be lying if you said the nickname didn't awaken something in you, something you couldn't describe or put into words, but it made you feel good.

"Yes, because you're sweet and innocent like a dove." Sirius explained as if it were obvious, shrugging it off. It was clear that it wasn't a big deal to him, just a nickname he found amusing, but you on the other hand were a completely different story. You grew nervous all of a sudden and felt the heat of embarrassment on your cheeks. Never before had a boy used affectionate nicknames like that with you so you didn't really know how to react. So you didn't say anything, you just looked away and cleared your throat, pretending your heart wasn't beating at a dangerously fast pace.

"Don't you think it's a little late for a lesson?" you spoke after a few seconds of silence, watching the sun begin to set on the horizon.

"I tend to work better at night." He winked at you and you nudged him in the ribs, though you couldn't contain a slight chuckle that escaped your lips.

"Fine, what are you going to teach me today?"

For the next few minutes you and Sirius talked about the importance of your date outfit, not so much to impress Oliver, but to make you feel comfortable and confident and thus increase your chances of success on the date. He talked about how everybody has that one piece of clothing that is special and makes them feel like the best version of themselves. For him it was his leather jacket, it was the first piece of clothing he had chosen and bought for himself to piss off his parents who only wanted to see him wear old-fashioned and uncomfortable tunics. It represented his rebellious spirit, his freedom, and so he wore it all the time. It was a reminder of who he was, of everything he had to fight against in order to express his true self, and that's why it made him feel comfortable and confident every time he wore it.

You didn't have anything remotely like that. You felt quite comfortable and liberated when you were alone in your room curled up in your bed wearing your pajamas while reading a book, but you doubted you could wear something like that on a date. You had never been very interested in fashion and accessories, you found that world too overwhelming. You didn't even think you had a favorite style, just a pile of clothes in your closet that you wore hoping they would match.

"We have to change that!" was the answer Sirius gave you when you explained your situation. "Meet me in the third floor corridor after dinner, the one with the statue of the one-eyed witch."

"What?" you asked him with confusion. You hated his cryptic answers, why was it so hard for him to be direct and tell you what was on his mind? "What for?"

“Just trust me on this.”

You had to admit that Sirius wasn't inspiring much trust in you at the moment. Why on earth did he want to meet you so late and why couldn't you do whatever it was he had in mind right now? Why was it so important that it was at night? And what was the deal with the third floor hallway? What was he up to?

None of your questions got an answer because before you could ask them he got up and left, leaving you alone and confused.

You spent the next few hours debating whether it was wise to listen to Sirius or not. Wandering around the castle after dinner was forbidden and while you had broken that rule a couple of times, you never felt right when you did. It gave you too much anxiety and you didn't enjoy sneaking through the corridors looking over your shoulder every second. You weren't exactly a fan of that kind of adrenaline.

That said, you couldn't deny that the idea of wandering around Hogwarts at night with Sirius sounded tempting. He was the king of breaking the rules, so you were sure he had his fair share of tricks to avoid getting caught. Usually you hated the impunity with which he carried himself, walking the halls of the school as if he owned it, unbothered about the consequences of his actions. But now that you knew him a little better you couldn't help but feel a little excited at the idea of being his partner in crime.

Maybe there was some sense in his madness. Maybe he really was funny and you had spent all this time hating him for it because he annoyed you as a person. Since you had started this experiment with him you had done nothing but learn to see the world through his eyes. Every minute you spent together helped you to understand a little better his thoughts and the reasons why he did what he did. You had learned to like him, so why not give him a chance now? Maybe you would finally understand the reason behind his rebelliousness.

So, when you finished dinner you found a way to sneak up to the third floor undetected. You got there first, which gave your brain time to rethink the decision it had made as you paced back and forth nervously. However, when Sirius appeared a couple of minutes later apologizing for the delay all your doubts and fears disappeared.

"I had to make a quick stop to get some things." He explained, pointing to the crumpled piece of fabric he had hanging from one arm and the scrap of parchment he was holding in his hand.

"Are you finally going to tell me what the hell are we doing here?" You asked, crossing your arms. "If this is a prank I swear to Merlin-"

“I would never, dove.” Sirius interrupted you, awakening that strange warmth inside you once again by using the affectionate nickname. "I'm a man of my word and I intend to honor our agreement. But first I need to ask you something."

You furrowed your brow in confusion, but nodded your head without a second thought. "Sure, what is it?"

"You have to promise me that all this is going to stay between us. You can't tell anyone about what we're about to do." The secrecy seemed strange to you but it also peaked your curiosity. Why was it so important to him that no one knew what you were going to do? What did he have planned?

There was only one way to find out.

"I promise," you assured him, waiting for him to explain what was going on.

"Great!" Sirius smiled and then pulled out his wand. He approached the statue of the one-eyed witch and touched it with the tip of his wand, uttering the word 'Dissendium'. Then an entrance to a dark tunnel opened up, a secret passageway inside the castle that you had no idea where it led to. If you weren't confused before, you definitely were now. What on earth was Sirius up to and why did it involve a secret tunnel?

"H-How did you do that?" You asked, dumbfounded. You needed to know how Sirius knew not only that there was a secret passage in the castle, but also how to open it. "How did you know?"

"I didn't spend all these years wandering around the castle for nothing." Was the answer he gave you, winking at you before entering the secret passage. "C'mon, let's go!"

Cautiously, you followed Sirius into the tunnel, pulling out your wand to light the way as the statue returned to its original position and the light at the entrance disappeared. You kept close to him as you walked, scanning your surroundings as you tried to guess where the passageway would lead you. It seemed to have no end. No matter how far you walked, you seemed no closer to getting to the other side. The lack of lighting didn't help much, it just added a creepy vibe that gave you goosebumps. Was Sirius planning to kill you?

"Where are you taking me?" you asked him after a few minutes of silence. You felt like you had been walking forever and still hadn't reached your destination.

"You'll see."

"Are you going to kill me and leave my body abandoned here?" you joked and he let out a laugh.

"Why would I want to kill you?"

You shrugged. "To avoid confronting the fact that I'm better than you at everything."

"At everything?" He repeated, looking at you with a raised eyebrow. "Are you sure about that? Because last time I checked I'm not the one desperate for dating advice."

“Shut up!” You said, hitting him on the shoulder.

“Besides, you still have to admit to everyone that I’m better than you, remember?” He reminded you of his words the day you came to him for help. At the time you didn't think he was serious, but now you weren't so sure.

"You wish." You muttered under your breath, rolling your eyes. Being friends was one thing, but indulging him by admitting that he was better than you was something you weren't willing to do.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

“That's what I thought.”

You continued walking as you laughed and joked with each other, chatting to distract yourselves from the long time you seemed to need to get to the end of that damned tunnel. As it turned out, the secret passageway connected Hogwarts to the cellar of Honeydukes. Sirius led you through the now deserted store carefully, but not before wrapping you both in the crumpled piece of cloth he had slung over his arm. He put it over your shoulders first and when you questioned him about it he pointed towards your body which had now disappeared.

Suddenly the success of his pranks and the gift he seemed to have for wandering around the castle without being caught made sense. He had an invisibility cloak! He was a fraud! Anyone could accomplish the extraordinary things he did if they had such a wonderful and convenient object as an invisibility cloak.

You were about to let out a sarcastic comment about it, but the air caught in your throat when you felt Sirius wrap his arms around your body, pulling you close to him. His warmth enveloped you as he stretched the cloth to cover your body as well, making sure you were both protected by the magical fabric to make sure you weren't discovered.

Walking through the streets of Hogsmeade under the limited space provided by the cloak was uncomfortable, especially when you felt Sirius' warm breath against your ear. You had to constantly remind yourself to breathe, but not too fast because then he would notice the effect his closeness had on you. You hoped he didn't already know, although the way he wrapped his arm around your waist made you think otherwise. Damn, he was good! Just a brush of his fingers on your skin and you were already sighing like half the girls at school.

"What are we doing here?" You asked as you noticed that you had stopped at a clothing store.

"Isn't it obvious?" Sirius spoke without looking at you, pulling out his wand and muttering a simple incantation to unlock the door. "We're going to find your perfect outfit."

"Couldn't we have done that when the store was open, you know, in the daylight?" you pointed out, hurrying into the store before anyone on the street could see you. You were pretty sure what you were doing was illegal. Not only had you two snuck out of the school using a secret passageway, but you had also broken into a store and were about to rummage through the inventory of clothing without permission from its owners.

You should be terrified, for all you knew you could be expelled from Hogwarts if you were discovered —not to mention the lecture your parents would give you at home. However, there was something about Sirius that filled you with a sense of security. For some reason in your mind nothing bad could happen to you if he was by your side.

"Yeah but we would have to wait for the next trip to Hogsmeade." He responded, justifying his actions with the excuse that the normal —and legal— way would take too long. "Besides, it's more fun this way." Sirius smiled at you and you shook your head, but you couldn't help but think he was kind of right.

"So we're going to rob these people?"

"No! We can pay for what we take, don't worry." He assured you, though it sounded too casual for your liking. You were breaking into a store and he was acting like he was going through the clothes in his closet. It made you wonder how many times he had done something similar in the past.

"Now get over here and start choosing clothes!"

Once you stopped thinking about the weirdness of the situation you started to have a little fun. Sirius helped you sort through the clothes, passing you items he wanted you to try on. Some were serious and some were just to joke around with you. You had to admit that even though you normally hated shopping, the activity became infinitely more fun if Sirius was with you.

You lost count of the time you spent inside that store, making a mess of the clothes that had been neatly folded and arranged on hangers and shelves prior to your arrival. You tried on every style and aesthetic the store had to offer, modeling each outfit for the watchful eye of Sirius, who always found something nice to say about everything you wore.

"You suck at this!" you complained with a chuckle after he complimented the color palette of a ridiculously extravagant outfit you had put on for the sole purpose of making him laugh. "You're not helping me decide at all! Give me your real opinions."

"I am! I swear!" Sirius defended himself, raising his hands in the air. "It's just that everything looks good on you, dove."

You let out an incredulous laugh, rolling your eyes to hide the true effect his words had on you. You knew he didn't mean it, but you couldn't control the rapid beating of your heart every time he blurted out a line like that.

"I'm sure you tell that to all the girls in school."

"Never! You're the only one, dove."

Shaking your head, you disappeared into the dressing room once more. You didn't want to give him the chance to continue his meaningless flirting. You didn't quite understand why he was doing it. You knew he didn't love you —not in that way at least—, so why was it so easy for him to throw those kinds of comments around like it was nothing? Was he trying to boost your confidence? Or maybe it was because he was so used to jokingly flirting with everyone that he couldn't help but do it with you too. You honestly didn't know, it was hard to read him on that aspect.

Part of you wished he would stop because even though you knew he was just joking, you found it impossible not to feel things when he would tell you how pretty you were or call you affectionate nicknames. He was getting your hopes up for nothing, making you believe that someone like him could like someone like you. It was tiring to have to constantly remind your heart not to believe anything that came out of Sirius' mouth.

You tried to keep your doubts from ruining the nice moment you were sharing, shaking the thoughts out of your head and working on putting on your next outfit. Only, when you emerged from the dressing room to show Sirius, you found that he too was wearing an outfit he had taken from the pile of messy clothes. But it wasn't just any outfit, it was one that you had discarded after wearing it for a few minutes and ruling that it looked odd on you. And the worst part was that Sirius seemed to look better in it than you.

"What are you wearing?" you asked him, chuckling as he modeled for you.

"Am I a pretty girl?" Sirius said, looking at you through his eyelashes. He did a couple of exaggerated poses while pretending to be a high fashion model, eliciting from you one of the loudest and most genuine laughs you've ever had. But you had to admit that he did look good considering the clothes weren't the right size or cut for him.

"Yes, very pretty." You complimented him as you caught your breath, rummaging through the pile of clothes for another outfit for him. "Here, try this one."

Everything spiraled out of control then. You momentarily forgot that you were trespassing in a store late at night as you played dress up with Sirius like two little kids. It had been a long time since you had felt so free and relaxed and a part of you couldn't believe that Sirius was the one who had awakened that chill side of you. Usually he would do the opposite —annoy you and stress you out to the point of insanity—, but since you had started this little experiment together he kept surprising you.

Now that you knew each other a little better, he made you laugh and for some reason he inspired reassurance and trust. All your fears that he would make fun of you or take advantage of the situation to humiliate you were behind you. He wasn't that kind of guy, no matter how immature and silly he usually seemed. Honestly, you loved this new relationship you had, where you still maintained a certain level of healthy rivalry combined with lots of laughter and inside jokes. Even if things with Oliver didn't turn out the way you wanted them to, you were still happy because at least he had left you with a new friendship.

What you weren't happy about, however, was fixing up the store after the mess you had made. Even with magic it took quite a while to put everything back in its place, but somehow Sirius found a way to make that tedious activity fun too.

But your jokes were interrupted when you came across something that caught your eye. As you were rearranging the clothes on one of the shelves you found a dress. It was black and had long sleeves made of the most beautiful lace you had ever seen, with detailed patterns that added a special delicacy to the piece. It was truly beautiful and you didn't know how you hadn't seen it before.

"You should try it on." Sirius' voice alerted you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

"No, it's okay. We should just go, it's getting late." You put the dress back in its place, stepping away from that rack to rearrange the last remaining pile of disarranged clothes. That dress was beautiful, almost too beautiful for someone like you. You didn't think you could pull it off, so you preferred not to go near it. You didn't want to destroy your self-esteem if it turned out that the dress looked bad on you.

By the time you got back to school it was so late that everyone in the castle was asleep. It wasn't difficult for you to navigate the halls of Hogwarts undetected since Sirius had one of the best inventions in the history of magic: a map that told him the exact location of all the students and teachers within the school grounds. He didn't want to give you many details about it other than that it was a project he had done with the help of his friends and you didn't press him for more. Now you understood why he had made you promise not to tell anyone about tonight. Apparently he had more than one magical artifact that was best kept secret.

"Thank you for this," you said when you reached the entrance to your common room. Sirius had insisted on accompanying you to make sure you arrived safely before heading to the Gryffindor tower. "I had a great time."

"Me too," he admitted with a smile. He had really enjoyed spending time with you. He found that he really liked the relaxed and fun version of you that he had met tonight and wanted to see more of you. "I hope that after this you will realize how beautiful you look when you are more relaxed. Laughter suits you, you should do it more often."

You remained silent for a few seconds, not knowing what to say. That familiar feeling of warmth ran through you at his words, your whole body buzzing with joy. A smile formed on your face, a genuine sign of how much you appreciated his kindness.

"Goodnight, Sirius." You gave him a kiss on the cheek before turning and disappearing behind the doors of the Slytherin common room.

Sirius stood in place for a few seconds, staring at the spot where you had just been seconds before as he felt a tingling on the skin of his cheek where you had kissed him. Your scent still lingered in the air entering his system through his nostrils and clouding his thoughts with images of your smile.

"Goodnight, dove." he murmured to the air, bringing his hand to his cheek.

He knew then that he was screwed.

You noticed something was wrong with Sirius the moment you saw him walk through the greenhouse doors. You were meeting to change the mandrake pot as you had promised him you would. It was a relatively simple process if you took the proper precautions and a job best done in silence —you wouldn't be able to hear each other anyway because of the earmuffs protecting you—, but even for that he was too quiet. He lacked his characteristic sparkle, that mischievous twinkle you always noticed in his eyes. His smile had been replaced by a frown and he was distracted. He seemed to be worried or upset about something that he couldn't stop thinking about.

You tried to ignore him, unsure of what to do. You wanted to ask him what was wrong, but you didn't want to pressure him to talk if he wasn't ready or just didn't want to. Maybe he was trying to forget whatever was bothering him and your questions would only remind him of it. But eventually curiosity got the better of you and you decided it didn't hurt to ask.

"Okay, what's going on with you?" you finally spoke up, putting aside your gloves and the earmuffs you had worn to protect yourself from the mandrake's screams once the job was done. "You seem... off today."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I... I just have a lot in my mind." Sirius said, letting out a frustrated sigh. He leaned back against the counter, shoulders slumped in a pose that showcased his mood perfectly. He was staring at the floor, as if lost in thought, and you were suddenly curious as to what was so important to have him in such a state. You'd never seen Sirius so quiet or so serious before in the years you'd known each other.

"Do you want to talk about it?" you offered, giving him the option to use you as a shoulder to cry on, a friendly ear to vent to.

"It's my family, as always." He let out a bitter laugh, lifting his head so he could look you in the eye as he spoke. You could see the pain reflected in his expression and felt the urge to hug him. You knew about his family and how troubled they were. He had never fit in with them and had ended up being kicked out of his home by his own mother. It was a sad story and you had always felt sorry for him.

“I had a fight with my brother last night and I can’t seem to let it go… They're filling his head with those horrible ideas and there's nothing I can do about it. He doesn’t want to listen to me.”

You knew exactly what he was referring to, you had seen the people Regulus was hanging out with and sadly you shared the same concerns as his brother. Many of your peers in Slytherin were being caught up in dangerous hate speech and you completely understood Sirius' frustration about it. It hadn't yet touched you as closely as it did him - none of your friends shared those kinds of ideas - but you could imagine how painful it was for him to see his brother involved in something so horrible.

"Oh Sirius, I'm sorry." You didn't quite know what to say, there were no words that could ease his sadness or concern. You could only support him at that moment, hoping that your understanding would be enough to make him feel a little better.

Without even realizing it, your hand slid across the table to rest on Sirius'. It was a desperate attempt on your part to show him that you were there for him, something you did without thinking. Sirius's eyes lingered on your joined hands for a few seconds, staring at them as if he found it hard to believe what he was seeing. It made you feel a little self-conscious and you considered moving your hand, but before you could do so he moved his so that he could intertwine his fingers with yours. This time it was you who looked down at your hands as you felt him give you a light squeeze. It was such an innocent act, something so common, but it still awakened that special tingling inside you. It was the first time you were holding hands and it felt... good, comforting.

When you looked up you were met with his sweet smile. Sirius didn't need to utter words for you to understand that he was thanking you for your support, it was written all over his face. You had to fight the urge to hug him, thinking it might be too close and personal. You had a strange relationship - you weren't enemies but you weren't technically friends either - so it was hard sometimes to realize when something was too much.

Then an idea formed in your mind. Images of your special place flashed before your eyes like a movie and you decided it was an appropriate time to show Sirius that he wasn't the only one who had extensive knowledge of the Hogwarts grounds.

"C'mon, I want to show you something." You told him, pulling his hand entwined with yours to guide him out of the greenhouse.

You didn't have to go far to get to your special secret spot, just walk down the hill until you reached the edge of the lake. There was a large tree that provided plenty of shade and between its huge roots was a comfortable hole that you liked to sit in. It was the most beautiful and peaceful place you knew in the whole school. You liked to go there when you felt overwhelmed or stressed, sitting under the shade of the tree and just think for a long time, the world always seemed better after that. You were convinced that there wasn't a single problem that couldn't be solved with a meditation session in your special place.

"Welcome to my special place!" you announced with a smile when you arrived at your destination. "Come, sit here with me." You settled into your usual spot at the foot of the big tree and patted the free space next to you inviting Sirius to join you. He stared at you for a moment, but finally sat down next to you.

"How did you find this place?" Sirius was amazed at the beauty of the scenery around him. He obviously knew this place existed, but he had never paid attention to how beautiful and peaceful it was. There were no other students laughing and running around, just him, you and nature.

"You're not the only one with extensive knowledge about the castle, Black."

"So, what happens here?" He forced himself to look away from the landscape to return his gaze to you only to find that you were staring off into the horizon. The sunlight reflecting off the water of the lake illuminated the whole place in a different, more magical way, especially your profile. It gave you an ethereal aura that took his breath away for a moment.

"We sit here and we think." You replied without taking your eyes off the birds flying through the trees on the other side of the lake. "I always come here when I'm sad or stressed out. There's something about this place that makes all my problems go away."

You sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the scenery, letting the tranquility of nature bring you inner peace. Sirius tried to push the negative thoughts from his mind, concentrating on the birds singing and the sound of the water, hoping that would be enough to make the frustration and anger that was overtaking him disappear. It wasn't working out so well, but he didn't have the heart to tell you that your special magical place wasn't as powerful as you thought it was.

Well, that was until he turned his head so he could look at you. You were completely lost in thought, gazing forward with no idea of the way Sirius was looking at you. You seemed so happy, so relaxed, that he couldn't help but feel a warm feeling spreading inside him. He found comfort in you, in the special sparkle in your eyes, in the way you cared for him despite your shared history. For Sirius, the healing magic was not in where you were, but in you.

"Things are going to get better." You broke the silence, turning to look at him. His eyes were glued to yours and you discovered that the dark patch of sadness that covered his signature cheerful glow had dimmed a bit.

"How do you know?" Sirius' voice was low, almost a whisper that you were able to hear above the noises of nature thanks to the short distance separating you.

"I have to believe that they will. We all have to." Sirius wasn't so sure about it, he didn't have your blind optimism, but for a moment as he lost himself in the depths of your eyes he found hope. Everything seemed simple as long as you kept your eyes on him. He could face anything if you were by his side to guide his path, to hold his hand and remind him that everything would be alright. He found peace in you, something that both calmed and scared him. He was much more screwed up than he originally thought.

The more time you spent staring into each other's eyes in silence, the more the tension in the air increased. Sirius was suddenly aware of how close he was to you. He could feel the warmth of your body against his side, the touch of your leg against his and the smell of your perfume that assaulted his nose every time he took a breath. He only had to extend his hand a few inches to touch you, or lean in just a little to brush his lips against yours. Those beautiful lips of yours that tempted him since the first time he had laid his eyes on you. The same ones he had fantasized about kissing many times in the past, even when all that came out of them were insults and ironic laughter dedicated to him.

Sirius leaned towards you without even realizing what he was doing, lost in thought, mesmerized by the sight of your lips. He felt your breath against his face, mingling with his, and the touch of your nose against his. And then your lips met in a kiss that took you both by surprise. He captured your upper lip between his, reaching out his hand to grab the back of your head and pull you closer to him. You surrendered to the expert movement of his lips without putting up a fight, letting him guide you as you melted into the kiss.

Multicolored fireworks exploded behind your eyes, the butterflies in your stomach going crazy as you struggled to keep up with Sirius. It wasn't your first kiss, but it was the first time you felt wave after wave of electricity coursing through your body from one. You felt like you were flying, completely lost in the intensity of the moment. It was a special kind of high you never wanted to come down from. Sirius' lips just felt right on yours, caressing you with such passion and delicacy at the same time. It left you breathless and desperate for more. So much more.

But the kiss was cut short as quickly as it began when Sirius suddenly pulled away from you, leaving you confused and a little stupid.

"I-I'm... I'm sorry, I-" he struggled to come up with an excuse as he realized what he had done, feeling awkward and somewhat embarrassed that he had let himself get carried away by his impulses.

"Nono, it's okay, I..." you tried to intervene as well, fighting the fog that clouded your mind to try to form a coherent sentence.

"You know what? That was practice!" Sirius blurted out without thinking, making you frown.

"Practice for what?"

"J-just f-for the next step of the plan... in case you hadn't made out with anyone in a while." Sirius didn't sound confident in what he was saying and if you were in different circumstances you might have realized that was a lame excuse he'd made up on the spot. But your mind was still a bit affected by the kiss and you couldn't think straight, so you didn't notice.

"Is that what it felt like? That I hadn't made out with anyone in a while or whatever?" You tried to sound casual so as not to let him know how much you cared about his answer. To you that had been the best kiss of your life and it hurt a little to think that it had meant nothing to him. It made sense though, Sirius had a lot of practice and a lot of girls to compare you to. He'd probably had millions of better kisses.

"Well, I'm more of a tongue guy myself." Sirius joked, trying to ease the tension in the air.

"You don't say. I think I felt it poking at my throat." You played along and you both burst out laughing. The sweet melody of Sirius' laughter traveled through the air to your ears, entering your system and filling your insides with joy. All you wanted was to hear him laugh, to make him happy so that he would forget his problems at least for a moment. Everything stopped mattering to you as you watched the characteristic happy glow return to his eyes, concentrating all your efforts on keeping him distracted for as long as possible.

"Are you giving me kissing advice, dove?" he looked at you with a raised eyebrow, as if he couldn't believe the words that had come out of your mouth. No one had ever criticized his kissing technique.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Dove, c’mon.” Sirius said, making a funny face, and you nudged him playfully.

"You need it!" You assured him with a chuckle.

“That’s how people kiss.”

“Yeah in porn maybe.” You said rolling your eyes, exaggerating things to sound more dramatic. "You know what? I'm going to be the one giving you a lesson for once. This is how girls like to be kissed." Sirius looked at you cautiously, but let you guide him into the position you wanted, intrigued by whatever it was you had in mind. You moved too, and soon you found yourselves sitting across from each other. "Close your eyes." you instructed him and he obeyed without question. "Now lean in, slowly. Let the tension build."

Your eyes were focused on admiring the beauty of his face as Sirius moved closer and closer to you. He was the definition of masculine beauty with the sharp angles on his cheeks and those enticing lips that called out to you. His long hair framed his face perfectly, looking so silky and soft that you couldn't contain the urge to touch it. You brushed aside a couple of rebel locks that fell over his face, delicately tucking them behind his ear before letting your hand slide down to his cheek. You felt him lean a little into your touch and had to bite your lip to avoid kissing him at that moment.

The distance that separated you was shortening with every second. You could feel his breath mingling with yours, all you had to do was lean forward and you would once again be enveloped in the warmth of his body, feeling the soft caresses of his mouth on yours. You took one last look at his lips and prepared to make contact with him. Only it wasn't your lips on his, but your tongue licking his left cheek.

"Oh no you didn't!" Sirius exclaimed with a mixture of surprise and horror, bringing his hand to his face to wipe your saliva off his cheek. You let out a laugh and he couldn't help but laugh along with you. "You are a phenomenal kisser!" He joked and you gave a small nod, accepting his compliment.

“Thank you. That’s how we like it!”

“I’m taking your word for it. You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?”

“Never! Trust me, girls love to be kissed like that.” Sirius shook his head, as if he still couldn't believe what you had done, but he laughed with you. You had taken him by surprise and he had to admit that a part of him was a little disappointed at not feeling your lips on his again, but he couldn't deny that he was having fun.

"Are you feeling a little better?" You asked him when the laughter died down.

"Yeah, a little." He answered honestly. You had really managed to do in a couple of minutes something that even his best friends hadn't been able to do in hours: make him forget. You had an ability to get through to him that no one else had and it was nice to see you using it for good for once —instead of using it to get on his nerves like you used to.

"Thank you, dove." You could tell by the tone of his voice that Sirius was genuinely grateful to you. Apparently your nonsense had managed to help him a little and that made you happy. It was nice to be able to give him back some of the positive energy he brought to your days since you had started your arrangement.

"Don't mention it." You shrugged, downplaying it. "Just know that I'm always here for you if you ever need to talk. And this place is yours too now if you ever need it." You rested your hand on his again and Sirius felt that tingling under his skin again as his insides filled with that warm feeling at your words of support.

Oh, he was completely screwed.

You couldn't get that kiss out of your mind. Ever since that day at the lake Sirius was all you could think about. You caught yourself looking at him when you thought he didn't see you, remembering that kiss, what you had felt as he held you, the warmth of his body enveloping you and the softness of his lips on yours. You wanted to feel it again, to experience again the sensation of pure ecstasy that took over you the moment your lips collided. His kiss had made you feel alive in a special way. You had never felt anything like it before, an electricity so intense that it coursed through your whole body, awakening every cell inside you with the simplest of touches. It was pure magic, something out of the most perfect romance novel, no one could blame you for wanting to feel it again.

But then you remembered how you had gotten into that situation in the first place. You had come to him for help in getting another boy's attention and that's what Sirius had done all along. All those cute little moments that awakened butterflies in your stomach every time you remembered them weren't real. You were fooling yourself, seeing things that weren't there. He wasn't spending time with you because he loved you, he wasn't interested in you —at least not in that way—, he was just holding up his end of the bargain. Sure, you had improved your relationship considerably since all this had started, but you had to keep in mind that if it wasn't for your proposal you would still be fighting every chance you got.

Sirius wasn't in love with you and you weren't in love with him. You were just confused because you weren't used to getting that kind of attention from a guy —especially not from a guy like Sirius. Your heart belonged to Oliver, it had for the past three years and that wasn't going to change because of a silly kiss that hadn't meant anything anyway. You had to focus on what was important, what you had worked so hard to get: the date with Oliver. Once you finally managed to get it your mind would be able to focus on that and then you'd realize that your feelings for Sirius were just temporary.

So that's exactly what you did. You mustered all your courage, remembering every lesson you'd learned over the past few weeks, and looked for the perfect opportunity to talk to Oliver. The moment presented itself in Potions class. By sheer luck you ended up being paired up to work on a project together and you took advantage of the opportunity to start a conversation with him.

For the first time in three years you were able to form coherent sentences in front of him, alternating between comments about the project you were working on and casual small talk. The nerves and fear that usually overcame you when he was around were gone, allowing your personality to surface. You spent the entire class chatting and laughing as if you were lifelong friends. As it turned out, Oliver was a really nice guy and really easy to talk to when you didn't overthink every single thing you were going to say to him. You thought Sirius would be proud of you if he could see you acting so relaxed and free.

That's when you realized that he could probably see you since Gryffindor and Slytherin shared a Potions class, so you looked up to find him among the groups of students. Your eyes found him at the back of the room, sitting next to James as they worked on their potion. Your eyes met for a moment and you gave him a victorious smile, a silent way of letting him know that things between you and Oliver were going well. You thought that after all the time he had spent preparing you for this moment he would be happy to know that his efforts had paid off. You expected him to smile back or even give you a thumbs up in support, but he simply looked away and turned his attention back to the brew he was preparing with his friend.

You frowned, puzzled by his attitude. Was he angry with you? Had you done something to upset him? He couldn't possibly be mad at you because you were talking to Oliver, could he? That was ridiculous! He was probably in a bad mood about something else that had nothing to do with you. It was most likely about his brother, maybe they were fighting again and that's why he was acting strange. You had to stop obsessing about Sirius and focus on what really mattered.

You tried to ignore your concerns about Sirius at least until the class was over, returning your attention to Oliver and the story he was telling you. You worked and laughed for the rest of the lesson, turning in a perfect potion at the end of the hour. And as you gathered your things and prepared to leave the room you realized you had to make your move. It was now or never. So you summoned all your courage and asked Oliver if he'd like to go out with you sometime.

For some reason you fully expected him to refuse. That voice inside your head that loved to overthink everything you did and imagine the most catastrophic and improbable scenarios kept telling you that it was too fast. You had only shared one successful conversation and you were already asking him out on a date. It had been a mistake and you had to take it back immediately!

But that voice in your mind was muted when Oliver accepted your offer with a smile.

You stood in your place for a moment, watching Oliver leave the room with the rest of your classmates as your brain tried to process what had just happened. You had spent so much time imagining that moment that now it didn't feel real. A part of you thought it was an overly realistic dream that you were going to wake up from at any moment, though the illusion was shattered when your eyes met Sirius' as he left the room. It was only for a second, but it was enough to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

Why did his presence affect you so much?

"Ann, you're not going to believe this!" You exclaimed in excitement when you found your friend in the crowd of students walking through the halls to their respective classes. You pushed her to the side to get a little more privacy, waiting for a group of second year students to pass by to give her the big news. "I got the date!" you said, emphasizing the word 'the' so she understood what you meant.

"With Sirius? I thought you guys were already dating." Your best friend's response took you by surprise. Why would she think you and Sirius were dating?

"What? No! Sirius and I are not dating. Why would you think that?"

"Oh." She murmured, genuinely surprised. "It's just you guys are spending so much time together lately and look so happy all the time that I just assumed you were dating and were keeping it a secret." She shrugged. "Plus there's that one time I found you two at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop."

“That didn’t mean anything. He was just helping me get a date with Oliver.”

“Oliver? You still like that guy?”

“What’s wrong with him? I thought you liked him.”

“I do! He’s a nice guy, but…” Ann trailed off, like she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence. You looked at her with a raised eyebrow, crossing your arms over your chest waiting for her to say whatever was on her mind.

"But what?" You pressed her, noticing she wasn't going to speak.

"I just think Sirius it's better for you, that's all." You scrunched up your nose at her words. How could Sirius be better for you when just a couple of weeks ago you weren't able to hold a conversation without fighting like little kids? It was ridiculous, and honestly you were starting to get tired of the universe continuing to insert him in the middle of everything. Oliver was the guy you wanted, not Sirius, was that so hard to understand?

“That’s ridiculous! Plus, Sirius doesn’t even like me like that. We are just now starting to get along, I’m not even sure if he even considers me his friend.”

“You’re joking, right?” Ann looked at you as if she couldn't believe the words coming out of your mouth, something that only added to your confusion. "Have you seen the way he looks at you? That guy is head over heels for you." You let out a laugh that echoed throughout the hallway, but died down when you saw the serious expression on your friend's face. She couldn't be serious, could she? There was no way Sirius had feelings for you.

"That's a good one!" You patted her shoulder, congratulating her as if she had told the funniest joke you'd ever heard.

"I'm being serious, dummy! I've seen you two together and there's no way he doesn't have feelings for you."

"Then you're seeing things!" you exclaimed before turning around and starting to walk to your next class. You no longer wanted to hear what your friend had to say. You had gotten the date you had been dreaming of all this time, why couldn't she just be happy for you? Why did she have to make everything so complicated?

"And do you know what else I think?" She insisted, walking up behind you and raising her voice a little to make sure you heard her. "I think you have feelings for him too but you're too stubborn to admit it."

You decided to ignore her, but her words echoed in your mind for the rest of the day. Could she be right? Could you be in love with Sirius? It sounded ridiculous, something completely impossible. But then you remembered that kiss you had shared by the lake shore. You remembered the tension in the air, the softness of his lips on yours, the way he had held you close to him and the waves of electricity coursing through your body. You weren't sure if you were in love with him, but you couldn't deny that there was a spark between you that was much stronger and intriguing than your relationship with Oliver. Maybe you were too stubborn or too scared to call it for what it was, but it was evident that it was there and apparently everyone could tell. Everyone but the two of you.

You felt like your head was going to explode from so much overthinking and questioning what you were feeling. It was driving you crazy and you weren't even able to come to a conclusion. Every time you were close to finding the answers you were looking for a new voice would pop up in your mind and ruin all your progress with its comments. You were so wrapped up in denial that it was impossible for you to understand how you truly felt.

So you decided to stop worrying about it. If you had learned anything in the last few weeks, it was that everything was so much easier when you turned your brain off for a while, relaxed and let things flow. You had time to figure out your feelings and think about what to do about them. Right now all you had to do was celebrate because your plan had worked. You had gotten that date with Oliver and that was all that mattered.

In the spirit of your new decision you didn't worry about what hidden message could be behind the strange note you got from Sirius asking you to meet him at your special place. You two hadn't spoken in the last few days. The last contact you'd had with him was in Potions class when he practically ignored you. The cryptic message he had left for you inside one of your books made you curious, wondering the reasons behind his interest in meeting you at your special place. However, you tried not to think too much about it, limiting yourself to showing up at the right place and time to hear from his own mouth whatever it was he wanted instead of driving you crazy imagining the worst.

"Hey!" you greeted Sirius awkwardly, feeling a strange tension in the air that took you back to the events of the last time you had been there. He was sitting in the exact same spot as that time, waiting for you to occupy the empty space next to him. "I got your message. Why did you want to meet here?"

"Oh I just wanted to talk to you. We haven't done that in a while." He gave you a smile, but you noticed it wasn't reflected in his eyes. You wondered if maybe that was because the situation with his brother had gotten worse. Maybe that was the reason he wanted to talk to you, after all, you had promised him that you would be there for him when he needed you.

You took a seat in the empty slot next to him, hoping that the conversation would focus on his family once again. However, the next words out of his mouth took you by surprise.

"I saw you talking to Oliver the other day." You froze, your brain short-circuiting as you tried to think of how to respond.

"Y-yeah, I was... I was talking to him." You responded awkwardly. Why was it so weird for you to talk about Oliver with Sirius now? You didn't seem to have a problem with it just a couple of days ago. What had changed? "It went pretty well. I got a date." You smiled, but your smile didn't show in your eyes either.

"That's great, dove! I'm really happy for you." He almost sounded sincere, but you had heard the real joy in his voice too many times in the last few weeks to recognize when he was faking it. His voice was low and quiet, as if he struggled to utter those words. Your friend's voice echoed in your mind and for a moment you wondered if she might be right.

"I have something for you." Sirius' voice snapped you out of your thoughts. He turned for a moment and it was then that you noticed the package resting on one of the large tree roots. "Let's say it's a graduation gift." He added, handing you the package.

You carefully unwrapped the gift, discovering a black piece of fabric inside. But it wasn't just any piece of fabric, when you held it in your hands you realized it was a dress. It was that dress you liked so much but hadn't had the courage to try on when Sirius took you shopping. You froze in place, your eyes traveling from the delicate piece of clothing in your hands to Sirius' face, who was looking at you expectantly.

"I saw the way you were looking at it at the store so I went back and I bought it for you. I don't know why you didn't try it on at the time, but I'm sure it'll look great on you."

You were speechless, your brain unable to put into words how much that small gesture meant to you. He had noticed. He had seen the sparkle in your eyes as you admired that dress in the store. He looked at you when you didn't notice and paid attention to every detail. That thought alone made your heart race. He cared about you, it wasn't a product of your imagination or your heart getting confused. Sirius truly cared for you.

"Sirius, I... You didn't have to..." you struggled to say, trying to find the words to describe what you felt. You didn't know why such a simple gift moved you so much. You supposed it was the principle of the thing, the thought behind it. That dress was a perfect summary of your relationship, a delicate and intricate piece of fabric that you refused to try on out of fear. And just like that dress, you too were afraid to try things out with Sirius. Both were unfamiliar territory for you so you preferred to avoid them rather than face them.

But Sirius seemed to have a different idea.

"Of course I did! I just knew you would look beautiful in it and I need it for you to have it." Sirius sounded so convinced that for a moment you felt confident, forgetting your fears about the dress. He looked at you with such adoration that there was no way you could feel any different. He gave you all the confidence you needed. Everything was so much easier when Sirius was by your side holding your hand and saying exactly what you needed to hear. He was good for you.

“Maybe you can wear it to your date.”He couldn't hold your gaze when he said that, averting his eyes to the lake that reflected the beautiful orange colors of the sunset in its waters. The idea of wearing that dress in front of anyone but him felt wrong. That outfit was your little secret, your special gift - just like that place was.

It was then that you understood what you had to do. It was time to put denial and fear aside and face reality. You had feelings for Sirius and that wasn't going to change because you forced yourself to be with someone else. It wasn't fair to Oliver or Sirius, and it definitely wasn't fair to you. Even if things didn't turn out the way you hoped, you deserved to explore your feelings for him without fear.

"I don't know. To be honest, I don't know if I want to go out with Oliver anymore."

Sirius returned his gaze to your face, a frown drawn into his expression. "What do you mean? Wasn't that all that you wanted?"

"I used to, yes. But lately I've been thinking about this other guy... he's a real charmer, I can't seem to get him out of my head. It's a tough situation because I used to hate him, but I had the opportunity to get to know him better and I think I'm falling for him." Sirius looked at you with his eyes full of doubt for a moment, refusing to listen to what his heart thought you were saying. But then you smiled at him and he understood your hint.

"I think I know who you're talking about. Is he by any chance the most handsome guy in Gryffindor?" The characteristic cheerful twinkle returned to his eyes as well as a mischievous grin that got a chuckle out of you.

"Maybe." You played dumb. "He's also a huge dork, but I kind of love him for it." This time it was Sirius that let out a chuckle, throwing his head back as his body shook with laughter.

"Well, then you're in luck because this handsome dork is also in love with you."

You shared a meaningful look that was stronger than anything you could say to each other at that moment. And then, just like that other day at the lake, Sirius leaned toward you and pressed his lips to yours. It was a much longer kiss than the first one you shared, one that you both could enjoy in the moment given that it wasn't the product of an impulsive decision. You both wanted it, you longed for it from the moment you parted after your first kiss.

Sirius' hands framed your face, pulling you closer to him. He needed to feel you against his body, to feel your warmth enveloping him. He had missed the feel of your lips on his, caressing his mouth so delicately. He had spent every second since that kiss cursing himself, fearing that he might never feel you so close to him again. His world had crumbled when he saw you talking to Oliver in Potions class, thinking he had pushed the girl he liked into the arms of another guy. He hated to think that anyone but him could have the chance to caress your lips. They were made just for him to kiss, no one else could touch them.

But now that he had you back in his arms all his concerns disappeared, fading away thanks to the intoxicating mixture of your perfume and the sensation of your lips on his, moving so gracefully together that he couldn't help but think that you were meant to be together.

"Since we're being honest, I have a confession to make." Sirius spoke as you broke apart, struggling to catch his breath. "I never needed help with Herbology, I just needed an excuse to spend more time with you."

"What?" you exclaimed in surprise. You didn't see that one coming. "Then whose plant was that?"

"It was Peter's. He sucks at Herbology." Sirius admitted and you let out a chuckle as you shook your head, unable to believe what you were hearing.

But your laughter died down as a realization hit you. "Wait a minute. You liked me before all this?" Sirius just nodded, as if such a revelation wasn't important.. "So why were you being such a jerk to me?"

"It was fun, it's very easy to get on your nerves." He shrugged. "Plus, you look adorable when you're angry."

#sirius black x reader #sirius black x female reader #sirius black fluff #sirius black angst #sirius black x fem reader #sirius black #sirius black x reader fluff #sirius black x reader angst #ro's 600 followers celebration

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fuckmymunson · 2 years

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could you write an angst thing where reader finds out sirius only started dating her for a bet but she doesn’t take him back? like he admits to what happened and says he actually ended up falling for her but she decides to leave him anyways? idk it just pisses me off when the reader is so forgiving like i would never recover from that 💀

Liss is my Hufflepuff OC, lol. Hope you like it! Thanks for the ask♡.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

When you woke up that morning, you didn't have any plans to eavesdrop on your two best friends' conversation.

It just sort of happened.

The long, old and dusty tapestry covered your entire figure, from head to toe. A clammy hand was pressed against your mouth, as you listened to a conversation that was supposed to be private. The worn material was see-through enough to let you figure out who was who, and if their voices weren't enough, you recognized the yellow and red jumpers.

“Please tell me you are joking, Lilly. Please.”

“Liss, you can’t say a thing, less to y/n.”

Your stomach twisted in anxiety; They were hiding something, a secret.

“Lilly,” Liss spoke again, she was mad, you could always figure it out by how her accent deepened. “This isn't fair.”

“I know it isn't.” Lilly agreed with her, mirroring the other girl's frustration. “I overheard it from a conversation between James and Sirius.”

Your stomach made another painful jolt at those words, your boyfriend, Sirius, was hiding something, and not only your two best friends know, James, Lilly’s boyfriend, knew too. The loud click of the clock hung up on the stone wall was all you could hear for a few minutes, minutes that felt like hours.

“I'm going to tell her,” Liss said, scoffing loudly. “This farce needs to stop.”

“Hey!” Lilly grabbed her hand before the Hufflepuff girl could walk away. “Believe me, there’s nothing more I want than to tell her what's going on.”

“And then?!”

“It's not our responsibility, Liss.”

“But as her best friends—”

“Liss! Sirius is the one who needs to be sincere about this!”

So he was hiding something. The nauseous feeling only gained weight inside your stomach, all the way to your chest. Your lungs struggled for air, the whole hallway felt suffocating, and you could taste the vomit in your mouth.

“He’s not going to! He’s going to keep lying to her! Because that's what he's been doing the past three months!” Liss practically shouted.

Three months, three months ago Sirius asked you on a date.

Three months ago he kissed you next to Blake Lake.

Three months ago he asked you to be his girlfriend.

“What do you want us to do then?” It was Lilly’s turn to shout, swinging her hands in the air.

“For Helga’s sake, for being Head Girl you are such an idiot! We have to tell her Sirius is only dating her over a stupid bet he had with the boys! I don't give a fuck if it’s not our responsibility! She’s our best friend!”

And with those three words, your whole world shattered, just like your heart.

Over a bet.

One of them stormed away, quickly followed by the other, but it didn't matter much, all you could think about was those three words.

Over a bet.

You released a breath you didn't know you were holding. The world felt distant as if someone used a spell to stop time, even the seconds felt slow; The tears were silent but the thoughts inside your head were messy and loud. The anxiety, the shock, the anger, the sadness, everything was mixed, combined into this big, green monster that threatened your satiny.

With shaky steps, you walked towards Gryffindor’s common room, knowing that's where your beloved boyfriend was going to be. And he was, leaning against the stairs as he talked with Remus.

“So I told Prongs— Oh hey, doll.” He smiled the second he looked at you, a smile that faded when he noticed your teary cheeks, your puffy eyes, and how you carried your broken heart in the palm of your hand. “What's wrong babe?”

He sounded worried, but you knew better. It was a lie, just like everything else had been, for the past three months.

Remus gasped in shock when your hand collided with Sirius's pale cheek. The whole world froze again, but this time the sadness and anxiety were far gone, there was only anger.

“What the fuck—” Sirius started, but you quickly stopped him, pushing him. You were never the one for violence, but this time it just felt right.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You asked through hiccups. “A bet? That's all I am?”

His grey eyes melted, you could read the guilt, but it was fake, it had to be, just like his love was, fake. Everything was fake. All the kisses, all the dates, all the late-night conversations, everything.

“I—” He said, stuttering, glancing up at you with his doe, breathtaking eyes. “I'm sorry.”

“I'm sorry.” He repeated, biting his lip.

“Over a bet.” You hissed, nostrils fluttering with rage. “And for what? To boost your pathetic ego? To prove you can pull every girl you want?”

“I didn't—” Sirius choked, with his own words, with his lies. “I tried to call down the bet, I promise.” He promised, just like he promised he loved you on your second date, holding your hand, stargazing. “I tried to when I realized I was falling in love with you.”

In love, those sweet words only fueled your anger.

Remus, who looked beyond embarrassed, stepped away, slowly, silently.

“And you.” Your attention was now on the tall boy, and he shrunk in his place. “You knew. You fucking knew!”

“I'm sorry,” Remus muttered, blushing, even the tip of his ears were crimson. “I tried to talk to them about how wrong it was—”

“Save it for later.” You snapped, flipping him off. “I wouldn't be surprised if you started dating Liss over a bet too.”

His honey eyes widened at your words. “N—no!” He replied, shaking his head. “I promise!”

“Sweetheart, please,” Sirius spoke again, diverting your attention from Remus who used it as an opportunity to run away from the catastrophe.

“Don't call me that!” The tears made their way again down your cheeks. “Don't ever speak to me again.”

“y/n, please.” Sirius pleaded, standing up. “I love you, I do. I know it was wrong, I know it shouldn't have done that.” He continued, word after word, he rambled, about how much he loved you, about how hard he fell for you, about how special you were.

“I love you.”

He was crying. The tears were like shiny diamonds, staining the marble stairs.

“I love you.” He whispered again, as the remorse and shame coated him.

Sirius shouted your name, as you walked away, away from him, from his love, from his lies. Back facing the man who fooled you. You heard his pleas, his promises, but those were lies too.

Your first relationship was over, dramatically, it even felt like a novel. That night, you laid in bed, safely wrapped under your duvet, crying your heart out, over a bet, over what could've been.

#Anya is writing! ᜊ( ᜊ ´ ˘) ੭ #Anya dreams of Sirius!(〃＾▽＾〃)#Anya’s love letters! ۪ 💌 ۫#sirius black #sirius black angst #sirius black x reader #sirius black x reader angst #sirius black fanfic #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius black imagine

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irulaan · 1 year

Text

THE ONE | SIRIUS BLACK

— I persist and resist the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different. Would everything be different today?

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✧ PAIRING. sirius black x fem!reader

✧ WORD COUNT. 3.6k

✧ WARNINGS. angst. cheating. inspired by my own last breakup. mm slightly proofread and all over the place, expect mistakes, sorry! chronology? who’s that? very ooc sirius

The Christmas dinner that year had a gloomy aura. And everyone pointed the finger at your miserable frown and lost eyes, and of course the big sign above your head with bold crimson letters, ‘heartbroken’. Most of them cataloged you as selfish and whiny; why bring your long face to such sweet festivitie? As if you wanted to have those judging eyes all over you, as if you wanted to be there.

You’ll have a few spoonfuls of whatever that doesn’t trigger your desires for throwing up. Maybe you’ll still do, since your emotions are tied up in knots in your stomach.

Poor of them if they dare to ask you how it all started…

Steadying your breathing, you tried to locate your friend without success. She isn't there, because if she’s not early, then she’s not attending. Resigned and a bit anxious, you decided to take a seat. Alone.

The professor just walked in. “Page number 58” Was all she said.

A ragged breathing and faint footsteps caught your attention and your eyes followed the sound to found one of the most eccentric sixth graders. The blond one, well blond, you weren’t sure—his hair resembled the warmest sand. And he was always hurt, a few scars marring his soft skin. You didn’t like to stare. But you had seen him before, of course, he was in that group—the marauders, as they’d named themselves.

He sat beside you. Trying to tame his breathing, he wiped a few beads of sweat from his forehead. His darkish hazel eyes found yours, by his expression you knew he didn’t recognize you. It’s okay, so you smiled, and he did his best to try to imitate you. Maybe he wasn’t very used to smiling at strangers? But there was something else. His constant movements and his wandering eyes were screaming something that wasn’t your business to translate.

But there you were, concerned, once more, by a stranger who didn’t even knew who you were.

“Are you alright?” You whispered to him, and he turned his face towards yours, what it felt like a whiplash. He had piercing eyes and an expression shouting “lunatic”. But he ends up nodding.

It’s weak. And you’ll curse yourself until your death for scavenging into your pocket for a piece of chocolate. “On bad days I like to have one of these. Not much but they’re delicious” You offered to him, and he was clearly confused. How could you mind if you knew he was a troubled soul? “It’s yours” It’s the confirmation he needs to accept it, after all, he just cataloged you as nice, bit weird tho.

This time his faint grin matched his eyes. It isn’t uncomfortable to watch. “Thanks”

He looks hesitant to eat it, but ends up devouring the small theat. It was his favorite flavor. He isn’t searching for new friends but in that second, even if it sounds pathetic, he thinks you’ll be a good friend.

The boy clears his throat, startling you, so you shoot him a look. He’s fine, and he mutters, “Oh, uhm,” He’s looking at your possessions scattered around your open book, searching for a name. And you don’t have a problem understanding what he meant.

With a smile, you say your name.Then you pointed at the forgotten aluminum wrapper tossed on the table, near his own open book. “It’s good, right?”

He finds himself surprised. He felt caught and he doesn’t even know why. “Oh, yeah, it’s perfect, it's not about this… I was wondering, ubm” He’s not usually this awkward, he’d built a confident façade over the years. This was just the full moon’s residue. “Do you have… Can you lend me your last week’s homework? … Please?”

You nodded, almost too excited. Not a lot of people asked for your homework. It’s dumb to feel proud. It’s stupid to feel great because you’re being needed by a stranger that probably is about to forget your name.

“Oh, yeah, of course, you’re lucky she didn’t give us much…”

It's okay to regret that pivotal moment when you saw someone crumbling before your eyes, despite your good intentions. You couldn’t despise Remus, he just opened a door but you shouldn’t have entered into his world. Introducing you to the raven-haired boy was his doing but it was your fault to fall for his empty words and ghostly promises and with it, you destroyed everything.

His laugh makes your heart flutter, but you won’t admit it, not now. “Do you have something to do this weekend?” He inquiries, looking down at you with his bright grey eyes and a playful grin.

You held his stare, as you enjoyed searching for undiscovered eye’s details or marks across his face.

“Oh, no, not really…” There’s a beat of silence. Sirius is about to open his mouth, but you formulate a quick question to rescue you from the second hand embarrassment. “What about you? And the boys?”

He frowns, it’s subtle, but still noticeable. “I don’t know about the boys… not really” There's another awkward pause, which seems to drag on and yet is over too quickly. This is far easier for him, you should’ve known. “I was wondering that, because I think it would be great if we go out… to Hogsmeade, together?”

Oh, there are birds chirping in your heart so loud you could hear them. “Yeah, absolutely” You tried to not smile too big, too enthusiastically. It’s pointless, you don’t really want to hide what’s happening inside you, but you’re afraid too.

Now you know you shouldn’t have to accept it, you shouldn’t have jumped into his sticky, harmful webs.

That day you gave him your best smile, your best content eyes. Your softest tone. “We’re going to have a really great time!”

In the present day, and far away from that memory, you understood why your friends hated him so much, even if at the start he hadn’t technically done anything wrong. They knew. Maybe you knew too, but choose blindness.

You thought you'd never understand how things changed so fast, the thing is they didn’t. It was subtle, almost unnoticeable how everything was much more vivid and tender than everything before he asked you to be his girlfriend under the beating sun of august. Everything after felt like a weird, gloomy dream.

“I’m sorry I didn’t think you’ll care that much” He had the cheek to shrug.

Your face softened, no longer holding a frown. Angry melted into disappointment. “Of course I care…” Your voice is delicate and he felt like the worst human on earth.

“Don’t make that face,”

Swallowing a knot in your throat, you gather the strength to speak your mind. Fighting how afraid you’re to mess up the relationship. “Siri, it’s just—You know I, we see each other almost everyday and I don’t—I can’t understand why.” You paused to take a breath, to stabilize yourself, to not go to dark places of your mind. It’s inevitable. “It makes me think you don’t wanna go out with me…”

He desperately shakes his head, like he thinks he can change your mind. “Of course I do! You make me laugh, you’re intelligent plus you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen” Outside, you rolled your eyes. Inside, even knowing it was the most common and ordinary line ever, you feel your heart warming. But your face still had that pout. Those glossy eyes. That dark grey cloud above you, ready to wet your cheeks. “I’m sorry, I just have a lot going on right now, You know, with the boys, and other stuff”

And you act like you forgive him. Because you’re good, because you love him, because you’re worried you’re doing everything wrong. “It’s okay,” I’m getting used to it already, you don’t say. There’s thoughts sharp as daggers threatening to cut your poor heart. You had to get away. “I think I’m going I—“

“—How about we go out next week? I don’t think I have something to do” Your heart beat again with anticipation. And you’ll hate him for every word he has ever said to you.

“Sure, but promise me you’ll remember…”

“Of course I’m going to remember. I’ll make it up to you... you’ll see” He promises, once again. And you have no option to believe him. Because he says he loves you. Because maybe you’re being unfair; he has a lot going on in his mind, and you had to be fine being the last of his priorities. “I love you, and I’m really sorry”

He loves you, and you love him. “Love you too,” You suppose love it’s enough.

At some point everything went downhill. He can’t even remember why he was so vexed by you. You couldn’t go to this place with him because you had plans with your friends? Fine, until he started to feel insecure, until the mind that their parents created could see the sun.

You were tired of canceling any plan just for him to forget almost every single time. So you don’t actually realize when you stopped doing it. It seemed natural, like you left behind the sweet feeling of being excited to find out where you were going, what you’ll be doing… all of that replaced by an icy and somewhat uncomfortable feeling of waiting for something that won’t be coming to you. A kind of longing you despised, but couldn’t shake off your mind.

And the first time you realize, was all Sirius fault.

“Don’t look at me like that, Siri, I’m trying to understand you,”

It hurts you seeing him so distressed about something you did, or say. His breath quivers and you could see his fingers are shaking from the anger he felt. And in your mind it was your fault.

“What's so hard to understand?” He whispers, then, he looks at you. Meeting your confused expression hiding your desires to cry underneath. “Fuck, are you stupid?”

You gasp. There must be something else stressing him to this point. It couldn’t be just you, could it be? “Siri…” It’s soft and inviting but he can’t return from his state. “I’ll cancel, okay? And we’re going wherever you want, uhm?”

He shakes his head. His raven waves are disheveled by the many times he had passed his fingers through it. He wanted to come back, but there’s something stopping him. “No, I can’t keep telling you everything you need to do—let me finish!” You opened your mouth again, to say something. To try to get the pieces together, to fix it. But he wasn’t that kind of person. He needed space to think—you had guessed some time ago, because he doesn’t acknowledge it. “Go have your fun, I’ll have my own”

He disappeared, out of your reach. And forever.

He felt guilty, and he wondered if it would ever stop. He was out of his mind, thinking you’ve done the worst to him. Even at some point, his wasted mind told him you were both done. He had seen you angry—or maybe afraid? He doesn’t even remember, but he hadn’t seen that expression on your sweet face before. He swore he would recall, but he never did.

Deep down he knew he had screwed up a long time ago, and a long time ago he stopped caring. After all you’ll feed your heart full with his excuses, empty promises and words he can’t believe he said so lightly.

He took you for granted.

Now he hates you. For not being there, for not standing your ground and trying to change things… and trying to make him a space where he doesn’t deserve to be.

Your heart was falling off your sleeve when you saw him at the table. He was alone. While the others are still sleeping upstairs. The italian summer breeze won’t be enough to soothe your tormented mind, it won’t heal your wounded heart. You didn’t even want to remember why you’re doing this — weren’t you enough?

It was hard to believe you were still there. After everything you knew, you’d still given him a chance. Every step towards his form was touring your crushed heart. “Can we talk?”

He smiles, leaving behind everything he was supposed to do. You don’t miss how his eyes try to avoid yours. “Oh, darling, I’m going somewhere, maybe later?”

At his futile attempt to leave, you became desperate. “No, I can’t wait. I need to talk to you right now.” He caught how your hand is trembling, while trying to reach for him. But it’s late, and the guilt has started to eat his rotting mind. He can’t say it to you. And maybe you wanted to talk about something else—how could you know? “I won’t insist again, please”

He’s being reckless and carelessness, but he doesn’t have the courage to ignore your plea. So he stays glued to the chair. “Fine but it has to be quick”

“Don’t you have something to tell me?” Your voice is breaking under the pressure of what you know. And it’s impossible for you to look into his eyes and confront him. But he shakes his head. And you see everything falling down. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. “I just have one thing to say, but I was just thinking…”

He takes all of his strength to smile. And it’s a pathetic excuse. “Nope, not really. I love you, that’s all”

You frown. Feeling your tears raining down, wetting your cheeks. “But it means nothing now,” He screws his eyes close. Drowning in guilt. In despair because he doesn’t know if you’re going to forgive him. “I know what you did, Sirius”

An horrified expression hardens his features. And he stands up, to embrace you. “I—I can explain it, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

In your misery, you accept it. Because it’s his arms. Because he smells familiar, like safety. You had to indulge in it, before losing everything. And it’s not too late when you realize he’s none of that. And had to rip yourself away from him. Your big heartbroken eyes stared straight into his soul. “You weren’t even going to tell me…” Your lower lip twitching, under your faint voice.

His heart shrinks, and he doesn’t know what to do. “I was waiting—“

“—You’re always waiting, it seems” You cut him off, suddenly annoyed by his pathetic cries and words. It almost seems like he doesn’t care at all. Then, why’re you there? Your voice can’t help but keep breaking. “I don’t care about your explanation… your acts have been screaming you wanted this to end. But I assume you’ve been waiting,”

His glossy eyes found yours again to deny your sayings. “That’s not true, please, how could I ever want to break up with you?”

There’s a soft humorless laugh slipping through your mouth. “But you did. Or were you thinking fool me would forgive you for this?” And there’s a bittersweet after taste in your mouth. And he’s shocked, because you never had tried to hurt him with words. In fact, he only was hurt by the collateral damage of things he did or said. “I don’t deserve this, Sirius”.

He falls to his knees, knowing you won’t take him back. “I’m deeply sorry, I swear I can make it up for you,” But you both knew he can’t, even if he was given the chance, he’ll just keep hurting you.

His head hangs low, and there’s some satisfaction in the back of your mind. Knowing he was hurting—or at least he’s good at pretending—even if you’re going through the same.

Suppressing a sob, your voice is a foggy punishment, “We’re done” It’s all you say, leaving him there. And everything after is a blur. No one asked, no one tried to stop you. You didn’t travel alone back home. No, one of the girls decided you couldn’t be left alone. You weren’t expecting anything, they were Sirius’ friends after all.

And Christmas passed by, and other festivities, birthdays, and parties. And you were a ghost. Only your closest friends saw you, as you kept yourself away from Sirius’ circle, not even wanting to hear his name in conversations. But time keeps passing by. Time wasn’t waiting for any of you.

You thought you’d gathered some strength by the time Remus’ birthday came around. It wasn’t foolish to think you could bear seeing Sirius, probably with a pretty another one wrapped around his finger—holding hands and dancing heart to heart to the torturous beat of your favorite song, by his favorite muggle band.

The bricks are cold and rough against your bare, tender back. You light a cigarette, trying to calm your nerves of not seeing him accompanied.

His smell, how his feet struck lightly the pavement gave it away in an instant. This wasn’t supposed to happen, this was—he’s supposed to be a stranger, someone you’ll be meeting again under different eyes.

He stopped and stayed glued to that spot. Near the wall. Only sighs came out of his mouth for what you felt was an eternity. You know he’s dying to speak, but he’s no fool, he knows he has only one opportunity, before you come back inside, running away from him.

He’s helpless if he thinks he still has time. “I’m sorry,” His voice wavered. He never learned how to approach hurt animals, especially if he was the perpetuator of their bubbling anxiety and misery.

You look at him, and you can only be sorry for your buried relationship, for what his hunger for self sabotage and poor emotion control has done. You don’t care if you’re unfair, he deserves all the credit for burning everything to ashes.

A humorless grin adorned your face, “It’s okay, Sirius, you don’t have to do this”

But it’s not okay. It never was.

He closes his eyes, “I regret every single day what I did at that party,”

And you sigh, “I know, I regret that too”. But it wasn’t all, you wish ti add.

And Sirius has to stare at you with his silver eyes, there’s no grin on his lips. He had to know you’re being honest. That you’re not a stranger.

He takes a deep breath, encouraging himself to ask for forgiveness, to explain everything he couldn’t back then. “I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have let my thoughts taint what we had” Sirius takes a pause. You had a worried expression on your face — you don’t want to go through this, to awake your resentment for him. “I want you to know I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. And I want to tell you that I care, I tried to send you letters and all”

You nodded, you knew, even if he didn’t say it. Entering into Sirius’ mind wasn’t easy. He had to let you in order to get to know the real one behind every mischievous grin, teasing eyes and flirty words. It was just a slip. That, you understood.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t read them. I despised you, and then you stopped sending them”.

Now it’s his turn to understand your doings. “Yeah, I didn’t want to push yourself more” There’s a silence loud enough to push Sirius to an edge and he wasn’t prepared to jump, he doesn’t feel he has the right. But he opens his mouth, “Do you think we…?” And his eyes are shining silver, under the dim yellow lights.

“Siri…”, You whispered, feeling almost sorry for him. He knew it was bad news. “I know you regret it because you broke us, and I hated it, because it doesn’t let me come back to you” His breath wavers and his heart shatters to sharp pieces. “We should stay as friends, as I still care about you”.

He closes his eyes, as a flow of undesired anger sends shivers down his spine. “I can’t be your friend, I’m in love with you!” He lifts his arms, trying to reach for you. He can’t. He knows you’re already so far away. Have been for a while. “I can’t bear having you so near yet so far away. Like life is mocking me!”

Waiting for him to finish, you watched how his hand carded through his thick, raven curls.

“Sirius, I thought so too. I thought I would be forever and always in love with you—I was head over heels, but not anymore.” You paused, “What I'm trying to say, it’s that everything will pass. Time would work things up, and then we’d just remember the good times, and we won't turn these gatherings into our personal hell”.

He shocks his head in disbelief. As if he has a right to deny your feelings—to deny you’ve moved on. “You don’t love me anymore?” In his eyes there’s a plea, and you don’t have what he wants. Lips disappearing into a thin line, you lightly shook your head. “When did you realize?”

“Sirius, I don’t think—“

“—Please,”

He just wants to bury the idea you’ll ever be together again. “When I saw you earlier… and I didn't feel my heart would explode. Didn’t hear the birds chirping…” You pause to smile, and it’s warm, nostalgic. “When I saw you earlier and realized you couldn’t hurt me anymore”.

Your voice fainting at the end of the phrase was everything he swore he wouldn’t do to you. “Shit, I really screwed everything”

When his red rimmed eyes connected with your own, a pang of pain spread through your stomach. You longed to reach for him, embrace his body, shield his mind from anything that could harm him. But he was the one responsible. So you stop yourself.

“Hey, maybe I was distracting you from meeting the love of your life,” He smiles. And you finally feel relieved.

#—୨୧ ˖ ˚ siri #sirius black x reader #sirius black angst #sirius black x reader angst #remus lupin #sirius black

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strawberrysodaslut · 2 years

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Brother’s Best Friend - Sirius Black x Potter!Reader

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[ masterlist ] [ 30 day challenge ]

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word count: 2.8k

warnings: smut, 18+ MDNI, sirius being hot, oral (fem reviving) titty worshiping, fingering, unprotected sex (this is fiction, your sex life isnt, wrap it before you tap it) slight hand job if you squint (lmk if there are any more)

summary: being the younger sister of James Potter was tough, you never knew who was friends with you for you or to know the marauders. But Sirius always made you feel safe, and on your graduation night, you finally let eachother know exactly where you stand.

a/n: day 3 of my writing challenge, first time posting ANY of my smut, i hope you enjoy!

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Having James Potter as your brother was a whole other experience. As much as you loved him, sometimes you wished he wasn’t your brother just from how the other students treated you because of him.

You’d lost count of the number of girls who pretended to be your friend just to get to one of the marauders. Once they realised you were not a pathway to getting in their beds, they’d ditch you.

You were close with Remus and you were friendly with Peter, but Sirius and you had a bond that you didn’t have with the others.

It all started in your third year. Your brother and his friends were the year ahead of you, so you didn’t share any classes, but you hung out around them long enough to know how closed off Sirius was about his home life. Rarely mentioning his family when you were around.

That all ended when you found him crying in the common room in front of the fireplace, you made the decision to sit next to him. You didn’t hold him, neither of you spoke a word to each other. You just rested your hand on his shoulder as he sobbed.

That night shifted your relationship with Sirius completely. Instead of you being “James’s younger sister” you had become someone Sirius often went to for comfort when he needed it, and he was always there when you needed comfort from him.

In your fifth year, you started dating your first boyfriend. It was fine for the first couple of weeks, but eventually, he tried to pressure you into going further than you were comfortable with. Once you’d made your boundaries clear, he dumped you.

Sirius found you sobbing where your now ex-boyfriend left you, he’d never felt angrier in his life. Holding you, seeing you cry over a guy who never deserved you. No one had to ask how the boy got a black eye the next day.

When Sirius moved in with your family, you couldn’t help but develop a school girl crush on him. Every time he’d sneak into your room at night to talk to you about his plans to prank Snape, you wished he’d just stay with you all night. But every time he went back to his shared room with James, you knew all you would be was James’ little sister.

You and Sirius remained friends even after he graduated, constantly writing to each other about your days. As much as you loved your friends at Hogwarts, you missed the marauders so much, especially Sirius.

The boys swore to you and your brother that they’d be there for your graduation, and they followed through on that promise. You were shocked when you saw Sirius after the ceremony, he was always attractive, but you really noticed it this time.

He’d let his beard grow out and he cut his hair short. You were sad when he told you that, you loved his long hair. But the story of James putting charmed gum in his hair still made you giggle.

“Hey, bug!” He said, picking you up and spinning you around like he always used to do. “I missed you so much.”

You giggle, wrapping your arms around his neck. Although he looked so different, he smelt just like he always did. “Missed you too.” You mutter shyly as he puts you down.

He furrows his brows, “You okay?”

Shit, you think. He can’t know the thoughts that are running through your head. He’s James’ best friend, he always has been. You shook the thoughts out of your head. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Your parents take all of you out to dinner at a muggle diner. Sirius pulls out the seat for you to sit next to him, you smile, sitting in the chair.

You struggle to behave normally around Sirius, all the feelings you had when you were younger coming back- with a new angle. All you want is to drag him to the nearest bathroom and fuck him then and there- what the hell is wrong with you? This is James’ best friend! You need to calm down, You think to yourself.

But when Sirius notices your weird demeanour, he places his hand on your thigh, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. You look up at him, and he sends you a soft smile, raising his eyebrows as if to ask “Is this okay?”

You nod, relaxing into his touch and settling in for the dinner. But as the night goes on, Sirius’s hand seems to drift… higher? You’re convinced that you’re just making it up, it feels like it’s going higher because you’re focusing on his hand. That was your line of thinking until his thumb brushed just under your skirt.

Your breath hitches when you realise that he’s doing it on purpose. Nervous arousal fills your stomach as he slowly shifts his hand under your skirt, stopping once his hand is covered by it.

He left his hand there for the rest of the night. When it was time for you to leave, he gave your upper thigh one final time before slipping his hand out from your skirt.

Although Sirius and Remus shared a place and James had his own house with Lily, they all decided to stay with you and your parents for the night- for old time's sake.

You were exhausted from the day, and still reeling from whatever the fuck happened with Sirius, so you excused yourself to bed. You were lying in your bed for hours, staring at the ceiling, unable to get to sleep.

Eventually, there was a knock at your door. “Come in.” You whisper, confused as to who it could be.

Sirius emerges from the doorway, that famous smirk plastered on his face. “I thought if we’re ‘reliving the old times, I may as well sneak in here again,” he says, walking into your room.

You smile at him, feeling relieved about having a friend here with you.

His face shifted to something… worrisome. He gulps before sitting on your bed, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier today,” he says, hand reaching for your ankle.

You look up at him, “No, you didn’t, it's fine.” You say, moving slightly closer to him.

He takes a shuddered breath, his face relaxing, “Good, I was worried I crossed a line. It’s just- I haven’t seen you in so long and you look… just- wow.” He says, looking you up and down.

A smile plasters itself on your face, feeling warm at his compliment, “I was thinking the same, you’re also very- wow.” You say, giggling.

Sirius’ hand comes up to graze your face, you lean into his touch, “I missed you so much bug,” He says, shifting so the two of you were sharing breath.

You think to yourself, debating on whether you should say what popped into your head, but it’s now or never, “Show me.”

He groans, pushing his lips into yours, you immediately reciprocate the kiss. Carding your hands through his hair as he rests his hands on your waist. The kiss is fast, heated, chasing the passion and pleasure you’ve desired for so long.

Sirius breaks the kiss and moves across your jaw down to your neck, finding your sweet spot and biting to suck a bruise. You let out a soft moan, tugging on his hair. He groans, sending vibrations down your body.

You're guided to lie down on your back, you spread your knees to give him room and he slots in between them, grinding down onto you. You moan into his ear, causing him to sit up and fiddle with his jacket pocket.

You look at him, “You okay? Did I do something wrong?“ You ask.

Sirius turns back to you, eyebrows furrowed. He leans down and places a chaste kiss on your lips. “No baby, you’re doing perfect.” He sits back up, “Just getting… this.” He pulls his wand out of his pocket.

He casts the muffilato charm, tossing his jacket and his wand off the bed to come back down to you.

Sirius returns to the place he was before, rolling his hips into yours as he pushes back into the kiss. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer.

He moves his hand to tug on the hem of your shirt, asking for permission to take it off. Your nerves hit your body, but you bite them back to lift your body to help him pull it off you.

He leans back to take you in, letting out a shuddered breath, “Fuck, baby you’re beautiful.” He leans back in to kiss your collarbone, moving further down to take your nipple in his mouth.

“Fuck Siri,” you moan out.

He hums, the vibration making the stimulation all the more pleasurable as he rolls your nipple in between his teeth.

You buck your hips into Sirius’, eliciting a moan from him. You tug at his shirt to pull it over his head, he releases his mouth from your breast to let you. You look down his torso, you knew he had abs, but fuck- man’s got abs.

He plays with the strings of your sweatpants, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips, “Is this okay?” He asks.

You nod, lifting your hips to let him pull your sweatpants off of you. You go to pull down your panties, but he stops you. Looking up at him, you furrow your brows.

He presses a kiss to your lips, then your cheek, then along your jaw, neck, collarbone. He presses one kiss to each breast, then down your stomach to the waistband of your panties, biting the elastic and dragging the fabric down your body.

You giggle, trying to cover up how much that turned you on, but since he can see the wet patch in the panties he just pulled off of you, it’s probably no use.

He kisses up your thighs, leading up to press a lingering kiss to your pussy lips. You buck your lips into his mouth. He lets out a laugh, “So needy,” he says. “What’d you want baby?”

You lean on your elbows, Sirius already looked fucked out. His face is red, his hair is a beautiful mess, his lips are swollen, you don’t want to think about how far gone you look right now.

Sirius goes back to pressing kisses into your thighs, “Please- please touch me Siri.” you mewl.

He smiles, immediately diving into your pussy. He licks a long stripe from your slick to your clit, causing you to let a loud moan out. He sucks on your clit while he toys at your entrance with his middle finger, shallowly pushing it in.

Desperate for more stimulation, you roll your hips into his mouth, he pulls back completely. “Are we gonna behave?” He asks, rubbing your thighs with his hand. You nod, needy for him to let you return to the ecstasy you were experiencing.

He hums, leaning back in. Immediately pushing two fingers into you and curling them. You let out a loud moan, gripping your sheets with one hand and carding the other through his hair.

He laps at your clit as he searches for your sweet spot. Fuck- this guy knows what he’s doing. Not that the fact is that surprising… you heard all the rumours, and adulthood seemed to leave him even more experienced.

When he finally hits your spot, a guttural moan escapes you. “There she is…” he murmurs, the vibrations only adding to your pleasure.

You can feel that coil in your abdomen, Sirius knows it too, your moans and breathless praises only encouraging him to go harder. He continues to hit that spot inside you until you’re a sobbing mess, the coil about to snap.

“Come on baby,” he praises, sinking a third finger into you, “Cum on my fingers.”

You release at his words, your orgasm so strong you think you’re gonna black out. You ride on his mouth and fingers until you’re on the brink of overstimulation, but when you stop- he only keeps on going.

“Siri-Siri…” you warn, “please,”

He chuckles, pulling his fingers out of you and resting his head on your thigh. You try to ignore the fact that his face is wet. He presses a few kisses to your thigh.

With how pleased he looks, you would’ve thought he was the one who just got head. You let out a breathy exhale, still coming down from your high.

“You okay?” He asks.

You nod, breathless. “That was fucking amazing- holy shit.”

He smiles, crawling up to kiss you. It’s strange to taste yourself on his mouth, but you kind of like it. You toy with the waistband of his sweatpants while the two of you lazily make out. He smiles into the kiss, moving to help you pull his sweatpants off.

Well… the grey sweatpants did him justice. You were intimidated by his length, leaning forward to stroke his cock. He moans into your lips, rolling his hips into your hand.

He shifts, gripping his cock out of your hand. Pushing your legs out to get a better angle, and lines up with your entrance.

“Ready?” He asks. You nod, but he tuts, shaking his head and going in for another kiss. “… words, bug…”

You whine, “Yes… yes please.”

He smiles, pushing in, his mouth immediately contorts. You grip at his arms, overwhelmed by the pleasure, barely feeling the burn because of how well he prepped you.

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight.” He moans.

He slowly bottoms out, looking at you for any sign of discomfort. You meet his eyes, pulling him down for a kiss. He puts his hand on your cheek. Pulling back to look at you with raised eyebrows, you nod, and he starts to roll his hips into yours.

“F-fuck.” You moan as he pulls out nearly completely, immediately thrusting back in.

He groans as he continues to bottom out in you, “Shit baby, taking me so well.”

His thrusts grow faster and deeper, gripping your breasts and kissing down your neck, biting another bruise.

You’re not sure if the muffling curse will be enough to cover the moans you let out. Sirius continues to mutter praises as he thrusts in you, his moans sounding pornographic.

His hand slides down your body to rub your clit, a gasp escapes you. You card your hands through his hair, tugging at the short strands. He moans, pushing his mouth against yours, messily kissing as he swallows your endless moans.

His cock hits your same sweet spot, your eyes roll to the back of your head. He groans as your walls clasp around him. “Fuck baby,” he says in between kisses, picking up his pace.

You can feel his pace get sloppier as the coil in your abdomen returns. You pull from the kiss, “Cum in me Siri, please.” You beg, your body just about to fall into your high.

He buries his face in your neck, “Please cum baby, it’ll feel so good when you cum.” He begs, rutting his hips into yours.

The coil snaps and your high washes over you, you’re so far gone you don’t even notice that he’s cumming until you feel the warmth fill your abdomen. Sirius slows down, picking a pace to fuck you both through your highs.

Eventually, he comes to a stop, collapsing on top of you, burying your face into his neck. You brush the hair on the back of his head, kissing his cheek. “You okay?” you ask.

He nods, “Fuck, you’re amazing, you know that right?” He says, voice muffled and tickling your neck.

You laugh, you just lied there while he ravaged you, and you’re the one being praised. You pull his head up, leaning forward to kiss him.

He groans, pulling out of you to lie next to him. “James is gonna fucking kill me if he finds out,” he pulls you into his chest, and you relax in his hold.

“Nah,” You smile, “I’ll beat him up if he tries.”

He kisses your forehead, “Y'know you just made like… sixteen-year-old Sirius’s dream come true.” He jokes.

You roll over to face him. “You liked me back then?”

He smiles, “I’ve liked you since then,” you start giggling, “what?” he asks.

“That was when I started liking you.” You say in between laughs.

He strokes your back with his thumb, you’re telling me we could’ve been doing this the whole time?”

You nod, a playful smile on your face.

He mirrors your smile, “Guess we gotta make up for lost time.”

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astraeaalstroemeria · 9 months

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Sirius Black Masterlist by Astraea

Rules & Navigation | Wizarding World Masterlist

Sirius Black

He was famous with women in Hogwarts in his youth and he slept with every one of them. But to him, those were just flings and no strings attached. When he truly falls in love with someone, he truly loves them and will do anything to prove his loyalty and love to them, and them only.

i can serenade and gently play on your heart strings (one-shot) (soon...)

ohh! my wifeyyy, where are you? (one-shot) (soon...)

it's not inside me to forget her (part-one) (all; soon..)

↳ while she's been away, living day-to-day was tough (part-two)

↳ it's just like seeing her for the first time again (part three) (final)

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remusluvr · 9 months

Text

do i wanna know? | sirius black

summary: Sirius learns the consequences of treating people he loves bad. content: negative thoughts, fighting, angst, unedited note: this is a part two to my previous fic words i used (sirius black)

Sirius cannot believe how badly he messed up.

It makes his heart ache when he sees you talking to anyone knowing that you won't talk to him. You won't even glance at him in the hallway. The dark circles under his eyes worsen with each day. You notice them, of course, you do because no matter how hard you try to forget the boy, you can't.

Not talking to him is driving you crazy. Seeing him around is driving you crazy. You hate to admit it but you miss Sirius. And Sirius misses you.

He misses you so much that his body hurts. He's weighed down in bed each morning, unable to decide whether or not to even try and get up. That's when James realizes he needs to step in. He can't let his best friend hurt like this.

"Pads?" he calls quietly, peeling back the curtains to Sirius's bed. Sirius groans, turning away from the incoming sunlight. James mumbles an apology, although he doesn't really mean it, before continuing, "Time to get up. You missed class yesterday, you got to go today or they won't let you play in the quidditch game on Friday."

"I don't care about quidditch." James knows he's not getting anywhere. He won't budge without initiative. If quidditch can't be that initiative for him, he has to find what will work.

"Can you please just go and talk to him? Please!" James begs, practically on his hands and knees in front of the table you're trying to eat breakfast at. "You know you still like him. Feelings don't go away that easily. He's so mopey without you."

"He did that to himself, James."

"I know he did but he really likes you. He messed up big time. He knows that. All he wants is to talk to you."

"He had plenty of time to talk to me."

James looks defeated when you stand up, walking past him quickly. And whilst he thinks he's lost, you're stuck thinking about the conversation. You hate yourself for considering talking with Sirius. But you miss him so much, it would be nice to just talk to him for a little bit. You don't have to forgive him.

That's not a good idea. You know that you will forgive him if he starts trying to explain himself again. You won't let yourself be hurt like that again.

Although, your inner debate lasts for days and you find yourself in a similar position to Sirius's - rotting away in your bed, refusing to talk to anyone. You're grateful that it is midday on a Wednesday because there is no one around when you finally get yourself out of bed and out for a walk.

Your feet take you to an old spot that you and Sirius frequented. There's a big oak tree that overlooks the black lake. You and him would often bring a picnic out here or you'd come out here and cuddle away from prying eyes. You hate it here now.

And you hate it even more when you get closer, crunching a leaf under your foot, and scaring the boy sitting against the trunk. Sirius jolts up, rubbing at his eyes as he adjusts to the light.

"Did you sleep out here?"

"N-not for very long, only got here a little bit ago."

You nod idly, beginning to turn on your heel to leave when he reaches out for you. His hand grabs yours and the look on his face nearly has your resolve breaking.

"Can we talk, please? Just give me five minutes," he pleads, not letting go of your hand until he sees you nod your head. You pull your hand from his and go sit down on his blanket. He joins you. It feels just like old times if you don't think about all the hurt and cruel words spoken to each other.

"I miss you so much," he starts, noticing the way your arms are crossed over your chest and you're sitting as far as you can from him, "And I am so sorry that I treated you the way that I did. I should have grown a pair and asked you out properly but I didn't. I fucked up so bad. I hate that you're not talking to me. And I hate that I deserve it. You obviously don't have to forgive me but I just needed to talk to you."

His hands are shaky as they rest in his lap. You're not saying anything and he wants to cry. You hate him and you'll never forgive him and he wants to steal a time-turner.

"You made me feel so special, Sirius. All I wanted was for you to ask me out. And when I say that is all I wanted I mean that that is all I wanted. You made me think that I would get that one day. Seeing you with other girls made me think that I was just a joke to you. I feel so stupid. And I feel any stupider that I miss you."

"If you give me a chance, I'll prove to you how much I love you. I know you have no reason to believe me but I want to show you."

"Y-you love me?" Your voice is shaky and you curse yourself. His face drops and if you weren't so shocked, you would've laughed. He doesn't try to backtrack instead just sitting there, eyes trained on the blanket pattern.

You were screwed from the beginning of this conversation. You knew you shouldn't have stayed and listened.

"If you hurt me, Sirius, you won't survive it," you threaten, pushing yourself into his lap. He can't believe it and tears sting at the corners of his eyes. He knows it's embarrassing but it feels so good to have you touching him again. "I love you, too."

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madwcman · 4 months

Note

want something angsty? Sirius x reader except she's an auror and she's there when he gets arrested.

a/n: thank you for requesting!! i would like to apologize for this being late, but i hope you enjoy this :)

pairing: sirius black x auror! reader

“you have to believe me i wouldn’t do this!” you hear the familiar voice of your boyfriend, sirius black. as you arrive at the potter's home. you turn and see aurors you vaguely recognize holding sirius.

“hey, let him go!” you yell out as you walk hurriedly to your boyfriend. sirius turns to the sound of your voice. he yells out your name as an old auror who you worked with turns to you. “we can’t.” the older man states rudely, tightening his grasp on sirius.

“and why not? he hasn’t done anything.” you yell at the older auror, he gives you a glare opening his mouth to argue but quickly closing it. “miss y/n.” you turn back to the calm voice of an old wizard. “dumbledore! why are they holding sirius?” you point over to your boyfriend who is still being held. “sirius was the potters secret keeper, sirius betrayed lily and james.” you laugh in disbelief. sirius was one of the most loyal people to you but mostly to james potter. “but sirius wouldn’t!” you yell out as you hear sirius cry out your name pleading for you to listen to him, and that he wouldn’t betray james and lily as an auror takes him away from you.

“but who else could do it? only sirius knew where lily and james lived.” dumbledore tells you as you watch sirius being taken away with tears in your eyes. what dumbledore told you was true. sirius was lily and james secret keeper. sirius trusted no one during the war, not even you. he wouldn’t say anything about where james, lily and harry were located. you stayed silent and look over to dumbledore as the thought of sirius betraying the potters sink in. sirius betrayed you and your friends.

“i’m sorry miss y/n.” dumbledore broke the silence, with a sigh. turning away to walk away. “where’s harry?” you asked, wanting to see your godson. “with his aunt, petunia.” dumbledore stated, turning back to face you. “why?” you asked outrageous. you or sirius were supposed to to take care of harry if anything happened to lily and james, not petunia.

“it’s better if he’s not surrounded by magic miss y/n, i’m sorry.” and then he leaves before you can argue with him on the matter. you sigh defeated, you won’t argue with the old wizard. he won’t change his mind on this. you look around and know you are truly alone. your boyfriend has been taken away to azkaban for betraying you and your friends. and you can’t raise harry. you’re alone. you sighed and headed for home. you had to make a sad phone call to your friend remus.

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x reader angst #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius black angst #sirius black imagine #sirius black x female reader #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black fic #sirius x reader #sirius x you #the marauders fandom #james potter #lily evans #remus lupin #kiyahs requests₊˚౨ৎ ˖

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ma1dita · 4 months

Text

truth be told

can be read as a standalone, but part one can be found here: liar, liar

this was a request! here

words: 3k

summary: After everything, only the truth remains. A continuation of your life with Sirius. Loosely follows the events of the books. Sirius Black x fem!reader

warnings: one use of y/n, ANGST guys if i cried writing this you will too, non-descript smut for the plot, ending open to interpretation, Sirius deserved a better life. star-crossed lovers strike again!

a/n: it has been months but i wanted to get this right. Saddest shit I’ve written in a while, hope you enjoy! Let’s rant about how the Blacks have the saddest character arcs…. And this has an open ending, tell me what you think happened!! Tunes attached at the end for your reading pleasure.

(posted: 12/18/23)

—

There’s always a proper explanation for drastic life changes. Surely, there’s a reason this keeps happening to you.

At the very least, this time around you feel as if you owe it to your dead friends. You’d never thought you’d be the one to outlive all of them, with how much the world has gone to spite you, but then, you heard about Harry Potter. It was never fair, the way he lost loved ones that you loved too. Perhaps it was sympathy or your ongoing savior complex, but 12 years gives you a lot of time to ponder past transgressions.

So when Remus sent you an urgent letter about Peter being found alive, arranging your international portkey to meet them at Hogwarts immediately was a no-brainer.

Professor Remus, who is so eloquent with words, just casually had to omit the fact that your ex was also back in the picture. And that he was the most wanted wizard in Britain. Truthfully, your life has been much quieter since him. There’s truth in these details…

Now, as you follow Severus Snape to the Shrieking Shack under the guise of catching your ex red-handed, something about this scene feels familiar.

The seed of doubt that was planted back then still lingers as a big and scary thing, all twisted and it rips open old scars for those involved. It makes you stop in your tracks at the entrance of the base of the Whomping Willow and you can't help but be struck by the thought of how much things have changed since that fateful night all those years ago. And yet, somehow, it is all the same.

A pang of guilt stabs at you. The night was supposed to be about catching the big bad Sirius Black, but you couldn't help but be reminded of how important he had been to you back then, and how you loved him. Love him. It was almost as if you were playing the part of the traitor rather than looking for one...

You’re 33 now, after all. What else could go wrong?

—

You hesitate outside the entryway, listening to voices from your past and present intermingle, and the thundering in your heart drowns out the sound of your heavy breathing. Godric, and they said Harry has his life threatened every year? Isn’t Hogwarts supposed to be the safest place on Earth?

As Severus raises his wand to attack Sirius, you step into the light and wordlessly stupefy your colleague, his body dropping to the floor like a bag of rocks. Multiple pairs of eyes meet, some in fear and confusion, but you are immediately drawn to him, his presence calling something within your soul as it did 12 years prior. Sirius Black, your lost love, all covered in grime and more suffering than man. He has that look on his face, the one he’d get when he was about to make a point— and it irritates you so quickly that it’s almost debilitating.

The rush of emotions as you see him again floods you with a memory of a time like this long ago. It hits you like a tide that washes over your senses, the way one breathes in saltwater, all nostalgia and raging hurt, and as you gulp in oxygen, breathing heavily. For a second, the shadows in this dark room look like the friends you lost on a night this, one you no longer talk about.

Guilt, anger, and love all vie for your attention but your mind goes numb as Sirius steps closer, his face twisted in a wry smile as he meets your gaze.

"Hello, wife." He whispers, his voice tinged with affection and regret. He’s different now, older… starved. Sirius steps closer to you blinking slowly, hand grazing your wrist like he’s afraid you’re a figment of his imagination again. He’s spent a lot of time over the years imagining you. But then the anger comes back to the forefront of your brain before he can do anything about it.

You sock him hard in the jaw, and he crumples to the ground like paper. What a scene— Severus lying unconscious behind you, Sirius keeled over holding his jaw, and the Golden Trio stares at you with open mouths.

“Who even are you?” A ginger boy holding a ball of fur almost howls in disbelief. Is that…

“Good to have you back, love,” Remus says with a knowing grin, and then all you can hear is Sirius’s laughter. Despite the blood dripping from his lips he laughs, so filled with enjoyment that he hasn't felt in years.

“Someone’s gotta keep you two in line,” you huff, looking around quickly as you point your wand at the damn rat of a man hiding in the grasp of these children.

“Put him down so I can hurt him,” You spit, and Peter Pettigrew, ever the petty little man launches himself at you going down in a flurry of multicolored sparks and misfired spells.

“Kill him, baby, kill him! You knew it wasn’t me, didn’t you? I’ve been waiting for this… 12 years of it! In Azkaban!” Sirius chortles, almost rocking on the floor in glee, finding this hilarious.

“Quiet you git, or I’ll make sure you’re next!”

A low growl comes out of Remus, and you realize revenge will have to wait once more, pushing the Trio out of the shack. One thing is clear in your mind as you run for your life.

You have got to stop testing fate.

—

Tomorrow, you turn 34. What better way to celebrate than to pay a visit to your ex-boyfriend after he escaped from Azkaban? Clearly, Remus Lupin thinks it’s his best idea yet.

“He’s not doing so well, (Y/N). Can’t seem to adjust at Grimmauld Place and find a new normal…” Remus mutters over the floo network late at night.

“I don’t think normal and that place could ever belong in the same sentence,” you say with a furrowed brow. From one prison to another, you think.

“I just… I thought I’d floo you because I’m running out of ideas. You know… you knew him best.” The fireplace illuminates your face in the small apartment you’ve been residing in for the past month since your return.

“Does it matter? We’re strangers again, just bound together by hazy memories. I wouldn’t know what to do…”

“But I think you do, and he wants you there. Just doesn’t know how to say it. For some of us, memories are all we have.” The image of Remus’s head was getting licked at by the hot flames, and the idea of being in front of Sirius again, not for Order business, but to be even a friend, after everything…

You felt like you were on fire too.

“Isn’t it ironic that the happy memories hurt more than the sad ones, Rem?” Silence greets you from the other end of the fire, both of you knowing that it’s the truth

Sirius sees you approaching the house in the early morning as he watches out the window after another sleepless night. His body jerks up from his hunched position at the bay window, wiping at the corners of his eyes. You came. You’re here. For him.

He meets you downstairs, daybreak peeking in rays of blue and purple behind you, the frame of the doorway separating the two of you along with the realization that you’ve missed each other for longer than you’ve known one another.

You step back into his space, and he takes your coat quietly, scared to make another mistake, scared to push you away like he has many times before.

Something akin to grief holds you there in the foyer, staring at each other in a new light, faces changed by the life you should have lived together. For right now, there’s nothing more to hide, nothing less than the simple truth that you are two different bodies with the same souls. There is no struggle in the way your hand reaches out for his chest, to feel the steady beat of his heart, and for the first time in a while, you both feel alive.

“Sirius…” you whisper. No nicknames, because what do you call him after all that? The man who left that night with hushed promises and left you to handle the wreckage.

The world keeps moving and he’s still stuck there in that cell. In this house. Sirius can’t seem to walk away from what haunts him, but at the sound of your voice saying his name he smiles.

No one’s said his name that kindly to him in years. Not in the way that you do.

“Happy birthday, gorgeous.”

—

You’re 35 now, and you’ve realized that it takes time. Time is all you have when your love is in hiding. You’re caught again between the blurry lines of friends and something more, but the work that has to be done comes first before anything.

And it is driving Remus mad.

You moved into one of the many spare rooms at Grimmauld Place when Remus did, to keep Sirius company and organize affairs for the Order. But to watch you two dance around each other awkwardly makes him want to claw at his skin more than he already has.

“Friends stick together. We help each other out,” you say nonchalantly and Sirius’ head bobs as he helps you put the groceries away one day. Remus is not as amused.

There are a lot of things to fix here, with the house swarming with dark magic and cursed artifacts. You all spent weeks researching the combination of anti-sticking charms to tear down the family tapestry.

Wretched Walburga’s painting was almost one with the foundation of the building, so you found a way to magic it shut forever. To take down the bad memories brick by brick, hurt and shame—if that’s what he wanted, you and Remus made sure it was what he would get. It’s what he deserved. When you finally showed Sirius the closed-off wall, without the invidious glare of his birthgiver, he thought he could kiss you with the happiness it brought him. You have a way of doing that, so intentional with your words, and how you’ve been caring for him, giving him the room he’s learning to occupy again…

So he did.

Hesitantly, then desperately drinking you in like a man left starved, and he had years of a fill to catch up on. He could drown in you if you’d let him.

And you did.

You kissed in the middle of the living room he was once damned in, legs hoisted over his hips as you fall onto the sofa. Frantic movements, kisses conveying words left unsaid, and at one point you both cry in pleasure and relief at being in each other’s arms again. If everything’s gone wrong in life, dear Circe, was this finally right.

His thrusts are slow as he gazes at you from above, hair moved out of your face to properly see you. Calloused hands roam your body that he wishes to reacquaint himself with from the inside out, from your skin to your bones.

“It’s okay,” you sigh as you touch his jaw, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m scared to ruin this. To ruin you.”

Your hips slow as you reach around to hug him. Sirius had long come to terms with the fact that he ruins everything he touches, and you’re not an exception in a long line of proof. You gently pull his body down before rolling over him, placing kisses everywhere you could reach. The crease in his forehead, his sunken in collarbones, the lean of his chest until your eyes and lips fall upon the dark etch of your name on his ribcage, under his heart. It joins the many other tattoos that grace his slender body, but it’s the only one in bright, devastating red. Your eyes meet again.

“I…they kept trying to take the necklace away. I had to remember you somehow. I’m sorry,” he says bashfully, eyes flickering to the ceiling in timidity, and the apology slips out from his lips. It makes you smile at how far he is from the arrogant man you once knew.

“Then ruin me then. Again. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Your approval stokes the fire in him, hands grabbing for dear life to feel you more underneath his fingertips and with the movements he makes from under you, striking hard like he has something he needs to prove. As you sigh into his neck and hold tightly onto his hand, you think of how loving him has always been red. Necklace or not, that has always been the truth.

Naked underneath a throw blanket that might scar Remus’ senses when he gets back from his mission and surrounded by the construction job of a house he once hated, Sirius breathes easily with you resting upon his chest. He hasn’t dreamed in a long while, but here, he can conjure images of finally marrying you and making this house a home.

“What are you thinking about? Tell me the truth,” you whisper, and he stops breathing, thinking you’re already asleep. Your fingers rub a mark on his neck lovingly.

“I want you to call me anything else. Baby, sweetness, darling…” he muses with a crackly voice.

“I don’t like my name. You’ve always known that. I don’t think it’s ever been mine. But I have always been yours, even when I didn’t know it. Even if you don’t want me.”

You press yourself closer to him, if that’s even humanly possible, gripping onto his soul.

“Husband it is then.”

—

At 36, you didn’t think you’d be having this fight with him again.

It wouldn’t be Sirius if he didn’t put up a fight. The man who’s spent his entire life fighting to get everything he wants or even a fraction of what he felt he needed. So why would loving him be any more simple?

He won’t easily admit that he’s never experienced life the way he wanted to unless he was with you, the only constant, his only calm. But there’s no way in hell you’re letting him rush out into the night again to never be seen.

“Harry needs me, my love. I need to protect him! You need to stay here,” Sirius bites back at the desperation writhing through his being, needing for you to understand that he wants you safe too.

“I’m tired of fighting you, babe, I can’t…” Your hands slam onto the dining table as he paces around it, running away from you again as he grabs things he needs. The lack of air in your lungs is making everything rush to your head, anxiety making you spiral as you chase him again, reaching out for him like trying to grapple with smoke.

“I can’t do this. I’m not letting you leave without me again,” you wail, and he’s not listening, hyperfocused on saving one of the few people he has left to live for. He laces his boots haphazardly, keys being thrown into his jacket pocket, and it all boils over.

“SIRIUS!” you scream. He stops in his tracks and looks at you in the moonlight, face illuminated by the kitchen window. You’re crying, shaking, with your hand still outstretched for him to hold. He pulls you into his arms and kisses your forehead with all the love he can muster.

“I...can’t lose you again. Could it be easy this once? I’m not the enemy here. Please don’t fight me on this,” you heave between soft sobs, hands crinkling his shirt to keep you grounded.

“You’re coming.” he surrenders, and you nod, both of you knowing it’s the truth. The blue light of a refashioned heart necklace lights the space between you. Fear fills the air again, and he silently grabs your jacket, zipping it up and tucking the pendant underneath your shirt. His thumb brushes over your jaw in an unhurried moment as he looks at you long enough that you wish to stay here forever.

“I love you.”

“I know, husband. I love you.”

Your hand grips onto his and you apparate to the Department of Mysteries.

—

The quiet tragedy of your love will never truly leave your ribcage, and Sirius’s quite literally etched in the skin and bones of him, under his heart.

One moment, he’s fighting for his life with you beside him, and the next, he’s falling. The love never disappeared, though it appeared differently the second time around. You couldn’t love each other the same way twice, with everything that’s changed since the beginning of it, but the love was there. It evolved with you. It endures.

You’re the only family he needs, and this point is further solidified when his cousin sends a killing curse his way, and his saving grace is you letting go of his hand to to blast her into oblivion. He trips backward to the Veil all the same.

“Wife…” he breathes out, being pulled in by nothingness. Your body turns slowly and your eyes meet, his hand out his hand stretches to reach yours. His eyes reflect the red glow of the pendant on your chest, and then you know what to do.

“Husband!” The sound of your voice brings a smile to his face and he shuts his eyes not needing to know how this will end because you’re here, and barely a breath away.

There wasn’t even a second thought to grab his hand, and the both of you are falling, falling again. Hands intertwined, both ringless, yet all the more secure and true. This is how it was meant to be.

—

“I can’t decide if time

Is my enemy

Or my friend

Time takes the pain away

But time takes you away too.”

-Whitney Hanson

taglist (OPEN): @jsjcue

love me some tunes! I listened to these three songs while I wrote: cedar by gracie abrams, adam's ribs by jensen mcrae, the alcott by the national (ft. taylor swift)

#made by ma1dita ♥︎#marauders x reader #sirius black x reader #sirius black x reader angst #sirius black x reader smut #marauders era

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noideasforausername · 5 days

Text

the moon, the star and the asteroid.

description: angsty established wolfstar x pining fem!reader blurb that I wrote because there's a serious lack of them on here

word count: 0.2k

warnings: !angst! hurt no comfort (don't say I didn't warn you) ,, saviour complex if you squint? ,, death (?)

───────────

It was in the way Remus instinctively edged closer to Sirius whenever he was near.

It was in the way his cold stone façade would break at the smaller boy’s antics.

It was in the stares they shared, getting so lost in one another that the whole world seemed to disappear.

The star and the moon.

The perfect pair.

She was just an asteroid.

Destined to orbit around them temporarily.

Until the unrelenting force of gravity would inevitably pull her out of orbit, imploding her whole world and destroying everything in its wake.

Sometimes she wondered if it was all worth it.

Was simply existing in their presence enough?

Hoping against hope that for once, the most peculiar astronomical paradox would take place, and the trajectories of a star, an asteroid and the moon would intersect?

That same question played over and over in her head; and it replayed one last time when she jumped in front of her his star.

Because if there’s one thing an asteroid can do, it’s to sacrifice itself first.

To allow the star and the moon to continue shining under the same sky, with or without its presence.

And as she felt herself being tugged backwards into misty nothingness; two matching tears fell down her cheeks: one for each of them.

And she smiled.

The image of her last moments in orbit forever imprinted behind her eyes: the star and the moon, hand in hand, looking at her.

Finally seeing her.

The veil fluttered once.

And the asteroid was no more.

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