#this is something I do not have capacity to change rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-conscious · 1 year

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I am not and will never be in the business of burning myself to ash for the hateful. If you enter a discussion by being viciously hateful and self-righteous to boot, I am not going to be kind to you, I am not going to gently hold my hand and compose the hostility out of my voice. I'm not going to be a fucking saint while you're a rampaging monster, because that's fucking abysmal for my sanity and you aren't worth it if you're hateful. You just aren't, and you never will be until you clean up your act. And even then, I have too many things to do to hold your hand. I'll give you my words ONCE and if you double-down, I'm blocking without reading it. I write my one message with consideration that the chances I'll be listened to at that point are low, but I also know that my words orbit people's minds like angry bees. So you can let your ego get ahead of you, you can trip over my advisory and punch yourself in the face about it all you want.

But I won't be hurting myself for you.

If I let myself be burnt by every self-righteous prick that was hellbent on killing me because it bothered them that much that I asked them to care about other people, I wouldn't be here. If I let myself be burnt by half of them, I wouldn't be here. A quarter, a fifth, a tenth, a twentieth--I still wouldn't be here.

Turns out it really pisses people off when someone cares, and especially when they're loud about it.

They decide that I'm personally accusing them specifically of a global, collective problem and decide to refuse to grow about it, because I delivered imperfectly. So I don't try to deliver perfectly anymore, and if you hurt people I'm not going to be so careful as to make sure I don't give you a headache.

Hateful arguements are rarely unique in any way shape or form. The amount of times I've had to explain to a bigot (and, just fyi, there's a staggering increase in "woke" biggotry, so it's become increasingly normal to see tons of leftist labels in the description of somebody that spews fascist propaganda on the regular, as if it's different because they changed who the them in us vs. them is) that no, this opinion isn't new, and yes, I know vaguely where you got it and no, I'm not going to listen to you regurgitate something I've heard a million times and no, I'm not rude and ignoring your own personal opinion. It's not your personal opinion. It was a designed opinion that you just as millions of others were tricked somehow in to believing you made as if there wasn't hundreds of different things angling at you, nudging you in to that exact belief--which is precisely why it's not remotely unique. If you make this a personal moral thing you'll get nowhere except Worse.

What you give is what you get, so if I'm snapping at you you should be paying attention. You don't know me, or not yet, but I don't fucking snap at people who don't deserve it, and I'm not disproportionate with it either. If anything, I've been told a lot that I'm far, far too kind. And I agree. But unfortunately that's the only way to make anyone grow up at all, because at the point that you're hurting people and refusing to listen you sure as shit aren't going to listen to a "please" despite how much some of you will throw around insults, and slurs, and vitriol, and wishes of violence. You beg for a perfect saviour and attack anyone for having the slightest bit of care for anyonelse; use their imperfection as a further reason to attack them.

So next time you wonder where all the nice people went, Try looking in the mirror, and asking yourself what needs to change.

Either you've been a massive prick, resulting in you being surrounded by massive pricks, or you found yourself stuck in a pattern that kept you surrounded by them, at which point it becomes inevitable that you become worse because why wouldn't you?

You have to survive, don't you?

Keep bad company, become bad company. Be bad company, make bad company.

Ignore reality, don't learn from it. Run away from reality, fail to fix problems.

If a problem won't go away it's because you don't have the complete solution, perhaps none of the "right" solution at all. If you're constantly miserable, and argueing, and don't know why nobody's hearing you?

You're not doing what you need to be doing.

Somebody with the right words will do what you're trying to do. And if they aren't, then it's just because it wasn't the thing to do. And that's fine. We all make mistakes. A lot of the time they're unavoidable mistakes that are unfair to claim are individual. But it's still our jobs to fix it, so if you keep sabotaging the movement to heal, to fix things, and then you bitch that you're being left out of the help...hm...

Consider that you're asking for something more expensive than you seem to think, and actively increasing the cost every time you're difficult, mean, violent, and we have to put our sanity on the line in order to teach you anything at all--unpaid, to boot. Unrecognised, to boot. And insufficiently supported, too.

#Sick of the lack of collectivism.#Sick of people's refusal to talk about it.#Sick of the increasing presensce of hatespeech on Tumblr.#Sick of the fact that you can scream and cry and wail in to the void but nobody will listen because they're too afraid of reblogging new #serious posts but will reblog propagandic incomplete news post number 21982108120948091280 #and wonder why the app's vibes are increasingly rotten and fascist.#This behaviour is killing me #I have activist work to do so much of it #so much better than anything i have been physically capable of outputting in this environment #and I can't because nobody puts forth the effort to help me #i can get like max 30 notes on a serious post rn #and have no hope of gaining the mental capacity to do better until something changes #because tumblr gave me actual brain damage from stress that almost killed me in january #rage seizures. not even my abusers usually did that to me #and I qualify as a childhood TORTURE victim

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hijinxinprogress · 9 months

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Young Justice spends all of their time violating the Geneva conventions or mocking their mentors bc they’re traumatized theater kids without any capacity for a verbal filter which is also why they’re not allowed to watch movies at the tower

YJ is watching some hero movie and a character with a gruff voice sternly says “we don’t kill…we’re better than that” so Tim gives the most dramatic sigh and goes “this is giving me back the migraine from our last lecture from the league” which leads to YJ doing their best to dramatically reenact disappointed justice league lectures

Cissie, offhandedly: Most superheroes having that dumbass code that’s some variation of “we don’t kill, we’re better than that…” make me fucking nauseous because who’s we? I’ll have you know my mother assures me that I’m a piece of shit everyday so no I’m not better than this.

Greta, in a mocking disappointed tone: Cissie! I’m very surprised at your behavior, we’ve taught you better than that! We’re here to protect people not to hurt them

Kon, in his best angry Cissie impression: Well, who’s gonna protect my sleep schedule? You woke me up at 3am to stop some idiot that wanted to steal kryptonite? Are you serious?They’re not going to jail they’re going to the nearest cemetery that I can promise you

Anita, in a dramatic hero pose: I’m not like you…you made me realize something, I have friends and people that love me so I’m not going to-

Bart, doing an excellent mimicry of Anita’s unimpressed face: He killed your family wdym you’re better than that, that’s dumb as hell you even look at anyone I know with the tiniest hint of malice you’re leaving in a bodybag

Kon, turning to Bart and making his voice echo the way Greta’s does when she’s annoyed: what is this nonsense I wouldn’t let anyone get away with doing that to you guys I promise they’d suffer immensely

Cassie, hovering in the air doing a terrible impression of disappointed superman: We can’t kill because then we’re no better than they are

Anita, glaring at Cassie with her best Kon impression: I’m okay with that…let’s not pretend you don’t expect this from me, am I supposed to care? They deserve to suffer, why should I be the only one that has to suffer?

Anita, pretending to storm off dramatically while Cassie tries to look disapproving:

Cissie, doing her angry Bart impression: You’re not gonna waste people I actually like then get to chill in jail and breakout in a couple days

Tim, in a dramatic ‘I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed’ tone: I’m not sure how you did things in the future but you can’t do things like this, do you understand?

Cissie, snorting and crossing her arms in the agitated way Bart does: I understand that our first fight will be our last because we’re not doing this shit again I’m not superman

Greta, in a gruff Batman voice: People can change if you give them a chance

Cassie, in a sarcastic Tim impression: I’ll start a timer I’ll even give him five minutes why are you playing with me rn Batman

Bart, sighing disappointedly: You're so angry and I wish you’d find an appropriate outlet for all this aggression. You don’t know what taking a life will do to you, what it’ll take from you….

Tim, in an irritated Kon impression: why not? we can find out let’s do an experiment and find out I like science I’m game hbu??

Cassie, who does the second best Batman voice: Neither of you can even begin to understand-! How do you know you won’t end up ending low tier criminals like pickpocketers? We can’t play judge, jury, and executioner… what happens when you’re wrong? What’s going to stop you?

Greta, fiddling with a phone and shrugging before giving Cassie Tim’s patented ‘I can ruin your life and you’ve just given me a reason’ look while doing her impression of the way Tim stands when he’s pissed and rolling her eyes: Self control? Common sense? When have my hunches ever been wrong? Don’t play with my intelligence, it will not work out for you

Bart, doing his best to copy the way Cassie stands and messes with their hair when they’re pissed: I’m just saying, if you blow up a city block you lose air privileges I have debris in my shoes rn for what?

[JL was meeting with a bunch of reporters in the tower and later had to do a lot of damage control after the press released a statement about the JL failing to rehabilitate young villains]

#YJ is completely aware that Tim is unhinged and petty as hell but they think it’s funny bc they’re also unhinged and petty #cissie king jones #greta hayes #tim drake #kon el #kon el superboy #anita fite #dc empress #dc secret #bart allen #dc impulse #impulse #cassie sandsmark #wonder girl #red robin #young just us #young justice

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twisted-king · 6 days

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OOOO IDEA, how about the OB boys with a s/o who has an ESA (Emotional Support Animal) that they somehow convinced Crowley to allow them to have (because they literally need the animal). And the esa comforting them after their OB 🥺

Literally kissing you on the forehead rn.

Sorry about the exlusion of Jamil, idia and Malleus.

No ideas about Jamil, not sure how Idias would fit in... and Mal mal isnt finished

This is angstier than I thought it would be <3

TW: Panic attacks (Isolating + silent types), narcolepsy

Feel free to correct me if i got a certain experience wrong, I am a studying Psychology major so it would help me with my understanding of anything!

Remeber: ESAs and Service animals are different!

Overblot gang with an S/O with an ESA

First things first:

Lets say you're in second year, so you're dating the OB boys before the OB.

Going to keep the particular support need vauge, but it is panic related, reader is sensitive to loud noises and textures feeling wrong.

You 100% convinced crowley to let your ESA to stay with you because:

he is sooooo kind

you wouldn't let a poor defenseless panic-prone human in an ALL MAGIC BOYS SCHOOL alone would you????

Now with that out of the way:

Riddle Rosehearts

Animal: British Shorthair (cat)

I'm gonna call this cat Queenie

Riddle's Overblot wasn't really something you were ready for in any capacity.

Your usually kept together boyfriend was suddenly some... angry, monsterous thing.

This wasnt the Riddle that got you high quality noise cancelling headphones for unbirthday parties, the same Riddle who you spent so much time learning and growing with. Your dutiful boyfriend who was learning how harsh his punishments were with you...

That Riddle wasnt here right now.

Queenie circles you, nuzzling into your legs.

But its too late, you've shut down. Its hard to move, your heart feels like it doesnt have a beat but the hurt of an ever beating heart remains present.

Your breathing quickens, your knees buckle in from under you.

the dull thud of of your body hitting the slightly overgrown grass of heartslabyul is the last thing you hear as you slowly drown further into your panic.

Riddle, on the other hand, Just came to from his OB, staring at his dormmates worried and horrified faces. He feels weak, he knows what just happened, and he feels HORRIBLE....Oh god.

Are YOU okay??? where are you? Where is his S/O

That's when he spots you, your tear striken face, Queenie laying on top oof your chest, your hands shakily petting her back in sporadic, unrythmic strokes as her face snuggles further into your chest.

What has he done?

Riddle feels awful.

He promised to never be the cause of any panic for you. He wanted to be a safe space for you.

But his need for order seems to have taken over and ruined yet another important relationship in his life.

Despite his fatigue, he hesitantly appraches, keeping about 2 meters away from you. He knows you don't want anyone too close by right now.

When you show signs of calming down, He's there, silently and patiently sitting across from you.

"Do... do you want to talk about it..?"

You respond with a shake of your head.

He nods, you two remain in silence. One preparing for a potentially life-changing talk, the other rocking about as they cradle their cat

Leona Kingscholar

Animal: Corn Snake

His name is Zazu (shhhh)

Leona liked things quiet, and calm.

Thats what made you two work, at least according to him.

But, you knew and Malleus and Magift was a sore subject for him, you were kind of ready for his yearly temper, it caught you off gaurd last year, but this year you felt like you could really stand by his side!

Besides, a year in this hectic world with Zazu really helped stabilize your mood!

Until it wasn't.

A roaring stampede instead of a crowed, screams of terror instead of cheer, and your boyfriend, slowly turning your friend, Ruggie, into sand.

It was too much, too many shoves, too much noise, your friend almost died

You hold Zazu's little head gently, the soft, smooth texture of his scales your only vice as you duck under the bleachers of the magift stadium.

It's there and only there, all alone with your snake that you're able to break down and cry.

Leona groaned as he came to, he knew this was a stupid plan and a stupid decision. He could have just trained everyone properly, spend some actual time with you. He could have- Wait... where were you?

Despite his drained energy, he needed to know where you were. He put a hand up, stopping the chatter of his former victims, attemping to listen in for any sign of you.

He hears the soft mumbling of your attempts to talk to yourself

"Can't even trust em enough to tell me, I knew i should have stayed at home, this is why no one will accept yo-" hisssss

Okay, he had to do something

He rushes across the nearly empty stadium, suprising everyone (Except Ruggie maybe, he's kind of used to Leona)

"Herbivore?!" he stands outside the stands you're under

"I don't... I don't want to see you right now... I don't want you to see me."

"Babe- I... alright. Can I be with you right now?" "no." "I'm coming in anyway."

and he does.

He enters the darker space to find you huddled ong the ground, gripping onto your sleeve with one hand, the other coiled but zazu, who seems to lay still across your shoulders.

"I'll just be here." "Why?" you mumble "For you." he states

That makes you chuckle "You sap.."

Hisss <3

Azul Ashengrotto

Animal: Mop dog

Mop dog named Max...uh... Maxie

Okay so, unfortunately Azul did NOT like Maxie at first

But he got used to him because you two are a package deal

You knew Azul had insecurities, and his own...moments

You and Azul had a comfortable routine, you and him are both realtively particular, he needs a level of order in his life, and his comfort zone is very well kept. So you two kind of fell into a step.

Despite your realtive bliss spending most days in his office or the backrooms of the Lounge. You knew his business was his passion.

You also knew he tended to get a bit... ambitious.

You and Maxie knew to stay away during midterms, it was bound to get chaotic. And Azul gets kind of... gift-bomby around this time... it isn't the most comfortable.

Things typically died down a few days after midterms, so you decided to visit your boyfriend.

On the complete wrong day.

You took Maxie with you, ready to greet Azul after his busier week but instead you find...

Leona? with a pile of sand around him by Azul's vault... Oh no.

Maxie softly appraches a sullen Azul and nudges his leg with his paw.

Something seemed to snap because all of a sudden the sneaky yet loving Azul Ashengrotto you knew was... huge eight tentacles and crazed.

He shoves Maxie away, sending him to the ground (mind you, he's a pretty big dog)

He shoved your dog.

He's stealing things, he's refusing to be "worthless" "weak" "stupid and clumsy"

Everything you've always secretly felt you were... oh no...

Maxie rushes toward you.

You slowly place yourself on the ground.

You've fainted.

Azul comes to, he sees Ace, Deuce, the Prefect... Leona... and you? when did you get here? on the ground... Maxie gaurding your sleeping form.

He... overblotted.

How could he be so stupid?? everything seemed to be in pla e did he not count something or- WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Azul approaches you and Maxie, he dismisses the prefect and gang, solely focused on you.

Maxie opts to lie on top of you, promptly waking you up

"oof... what... what happended"

"I'm... so sorry" "Oh. right."

Maxie greets you with kisses, happily nudgeing your cheek accompanied by his happy barks. You sratch his head "I'm ok... down boy."

Azul apologetically stares at you, hesitant to say more.

You look up to him, sighing against Maxie. Your eyes narrowed "I thought we agreed." "I know I just... I can't help it." "Therapy." "I'll apply tomorrow afternoon, I promise."

Vil Schoenheit

Animal: Poodle

Her name is Georgette

Vil and Georgette get along realtively well. She doesn't shed, you keep her well groomed, and you're usually more on task with her around.

You like to joke that Vil reminds you of Georgette. He claims he is much more refined than your dog. She doesn't seem to like it much either.

He likes taking you out to set with him. He trusts you to behave and know's you feel safe both around him and whenever Georgette is around, he respects that.

Vil pets Georgette like an evil mastermind sometimes? So maybe that should have been a warning sign.

The VDC was fast approaching, Vil is under a lot of stress; he's been a harsh coach, his popularity stays at the same place consistently, he's FINALLY given the opportunity to beat Neige "once and for all"

VDC happens, you're helping the Prefect overlook how things are running. Overlooking the practices.

Vil does absoltely beautifully! and for once, Georgette agrees.

Neige does this old nursery song, and you're more than confident Vil will win.

You leave the prefect to handle the rest while you head to the stalls to buy a drink for Vil.

He deserves a treat after all <3

When you come back, everything seems fine but, the stadium is empty though...

And suddenly everything is falling around you

You take Georgette and quickly duck behind one of the seats.

Vil's distorted voice echoes throughout the stadium, you cannot quite see him but you see the giant MONSTER lurking behaind him.

When he comes to..

Vil is downright ashamed. He knows trying to poison someone is wrong. He knows he doesn't get to decide whether or not someone lives... Especially not for a glorified popularity contest.

And that's when he spots Georgette's thankfully obnoxiously large bow peeking out from behind one of the seats.

That is when he knows he has to check in on you. You are never far from Georgette.

"Darling? Meine Geliebte, are you alright.." You're huddled with your poodle. Rubble is strewn about around you. Your eyes remain shut as you mutter to yourself.

"It's ok, it's fine. you're safe. I-it's okay.." Georgette's fur is soft, you continue to trace little patterns into her well groomed coat.

Vil sighs to himself, relived you're at least ok, but he's worried. You have Georgette for a reason, and he knows just how much progress you've made to gain the confidence to live your daily life and he may have just destroyed that.

He remains by your side

#twisted wonderland #twistedwonderland #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst azul #twst vil #twst leona #twst riddle #riddle rosehearts x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #vil schoenheit x reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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WIBTA for blocking my suicidal friend?

TW for suicidal ideation, mental health.I know this sounds bad but hear me out.

I (25F/NB) met F(26M) in January 2017, a few months after I started university through a mutual friend, and we quickly hit it off. We started dating a few months later. We split near the end of 2021, but aside from a few awkward months right after the split, we've stayed friends. We've both seriously dated other people: F had a girlfriend, A(mid-20s F), for a little under a year, and I've been dating my boyfriend, H (30M), for about 9 months.

Throughout the time we were dating, F and I had a few problems. Money was a big one: he would borrow money a lot and not always pay it back (either when he said he would or at all). He currently owes me about £8000 that he borrowed for uni. For most of the time since he borrowed it he hasn't been in work, so I haven't been pushing the matter. One of the last straws for our relationship was when he bought a brand new PS5 and lied to me about it when he had recently borrowed money from me.

The other big one was his mental health. F has been dealing with poor mental health for about as long as I've known him, but he refuses to do anything about it. He often talks about how much he hates his life and how he should just kill himself. He often punched himself in the head or punched walls when he was upset, but he refused to admit that this behaviour was unhealthy. He wouldn't go see a therapist or doctor, or speak to anyone except me. Once, when I was visiting family, he became upset about something and I was worried he would hurt himself, so I asked a mutual friend to check on him. He refused to let the friend in, and got very angry with me.I wanted to break up with him sooner but he'd often tell me I was the only good thing in his life, and I was scared he'd kill himself if I left him. We eventually broke up near the end of 2021. Fast forward to this summer. In August, A broke up with F and F had to move back in with his abusive parents. He initially asked to stay with me but I said no (I live in a tiny flat, I can't afford to financially support another person and to be honest I'm just not comfortable with it). I later changed my mind and offered him my sofa when I realised how bad the abuse was, but he declined.

Also in August, I found out my grandmother was dying. I went to see her with my sister and brother-in-law, and the same day received a message from F venting about his life. I replied with: "Hey I'm kind of dealing with something right now can you talk to someone else? I don't really have the emotional bandwidth rn"When he asked what was up, I told him my grandmother was dying. He expressed his sympathies, and told me that his stuff could wait. He sent me the following message four hours later: "I think I'm going to kill myself""I've totally ruined my life, I've got nothing except daily torture from my parents". Again, this is four hours after I'd explicitly told him I don't have the capacity for it. I spoke to my sister and brother-in-law (28F and 30M) about it and they both said I should block him.

In September I started a new job (I recently qualified as a teacher) which has been very challenging, exhausting and intense. My grandmother died at the end of September, so the past few months have been hard for me. He knows all this, but he keeps sending me all these messages about how much he hates his life and how he should just kill himself.

Early October, I was added to a group chat between A, F's ex, and a mutual friend Z. A told us that F had sent her an email that was essentially a suicide note. I called F and made sure he was okay, and passed that along to the group chat. F was angry that, as he perceived it, we'd been talking about him behind his back. He didn't speak to me for a day or so but quickly went back to normal.

At the end of October, the day before my grandmother's funeral, I woke up to a message that was essentially a suicide note. This was not the first time this had happened. I had a panic attack, though I'm not sure whether that was due to the message or imminent funeral. I send him some messages saying that I didn't want to receive these kind of messages unless it was actually something I could help with, that he wasn't respecting my boundaries and that the friendship had become entirely one sided. I told him that I didn't want to block him but I would. He seemed to accept that, but this morning I woke up to another suicide note message. After verifying that he was still alive (he is), I started writing this ask. I feel bad, but I'm so tired of doing all the emotional labour. I have my own shit to deal with and i'm not his therapist. WIBTA if I blocked him?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #self harm cw #suicide cw

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otomes-and-tears · 7 months

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thoughts on shiloh and jb,,,, theyre so fun to think abt as a dynamic no matter how u choose to slice it

THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT THIS, ANON!! I want to smooch your forehead. I'm so happy rn.

Okay so-- I like to think that Shiloh initially only agreed to date JB out of self-interest, but eventually developed genuine feelings for her that he's in denial about.

We all know that he chooses to closely associate with people who will offer him something in return, and being with JB is DEFINITELY beneficial for him in the beginning:

First, by going out with her he's setting himself apart from the other jerks. He already acts differently from them, being nice, cheerful and helpful, and dating someone who others would consider desirable would do good for his social standing (and we know that shiloh has a bit of a reputation for being a manwhore, so actually settling down with someone for once would make him appear better) and it would solidify the idea that he's in the jerksquad by mistake and that he's "totally normal you guys" for people who still didn't catch on to him being a snake.

We also know that part of the reason is literally just that JB is the one thing that all the jerks have in common. They're all attracted to her in some capacity, and Shiloh can rub it in their faces in his own way that he "won" by being with her.

I think that JB being physically attractive and fitting his type are just minor points for him. If it was down to just physical attraction he wouldn't have bothered with a romantic relationship. He did, canonically, have a bunch of flings, so we know that for him accept a serious, exclusive relationship meant that there was a lot of incentive for him to do so.

So by all accounts, this is literally the perfect scenario for him: He's with someone attractive and fun, he pisses Pran off, people will see him in a better light and, the best part of all, JB is aware that he has ulterior motives and doesn't care about what they are, just as long he's praising her and being amusing.

There doesn't need to be any actual feelings involved. It's a mutually beneficial relationship that hinges on both parts fulfilling their pre-assigned roles. It's straightforward and uncomplicated, even if their dynamic is kind of fucked up if you think too hard about it.

But... And maybe this is just the hopeless romantic in me, but I do think that Shiloh eventually starts developing actual feelings for JB, and it would be fucking terrible for him.

There's this one post where GB lady talks about Shiloh's loneliness, and I think about it way too much. Even if you choose to see him as someone who just discards and replaces people in his life as soon as they're not of use anymore, he still feels isolated and lonely, because of course he does! Shiloh spent his entire life not letting people in and just following whoever established themselves as a leader, he even admits to it himself in Our life.

Shiloh doesn't have any actual, meaningful relationships because he can't have them and still maintain that same pattern of behaviour that he's used to, and letting go of these old habits would be incredibly difficult for someone whose entire childhood socialization was built onto this foundation.

Like-- I know that is a clichê for people to trace back everything to someone's childhood, but I cannot stress enough how CRUCIAL childhood socialization is for human development. Of course, people can grow and change even if they had difficult childhoods, but you need a good foundation in order to build healthy habits, and while Shiloh did have loving parents who wanted to do good by him, the behaviours and thought patterns he picked up during his childhood are still things we can see he struggles with throughout his life.

Building long-lasting connections with people means that he needs to allow himself to be vulnerable and genuine, It means that Shiloh needs to let go of the safety of the "boss and sidekick" dynamic that he's used to, and that especially, he would need to let go of his habit of entering relationships with the expectation of leaving them eventually.

I don't think these are things he's incapable of doing, if you choose to believe that he was being genuine with Liz during their conversation in OLBA, but these are things that he has resistance to trying because they have outcomes that are difficult to predict, and Shiloh is as his most comfortable when he's able to read someone and be what they need him to be or manipulate them into giving to him what he wants. He thrives on predictability and control.

I believe that actually falling in love with JB would be something he'd be in denial about for a long time. I think it would be hard for him to rationalise having actual, genuine feelings for someone after he spent an entire life avoiding them, and it would be even harder for him to deal with the very real possibility of this relationship having an expiration date, or, even worse, him wanting to be with her past her usefulness.

And it's not like he has anyone to talk to about these things, or that JB would even believe him if he admitted to actually liking her. I do think that Shiloh is the kind of person who would try to bury these feelings inside as much as possible to try and regain some sense of normalcy and you'd never be able to tell, bc he's just acting like normal.

By the prom scene, I think he actually likes her. I think he purposefully takes advantage of the fact that she doesn't take anything he says seriously to say things he actually means. I think him opening up about his manipulation tactics goes beyond him just wanting to manipulate her further (though I do think that keeping her interested enough she doesn't want to break up is a good motivator for him to keep on manipulating her too) and is also Shiloh's way of testing her boundaries and just how much she's willing to put up with if he starts being honest with her.

I don't think he knows whether or not to break up with her by graduation. She's asking him, but he doesn't know what to answer. Being with her beyond high school and putting effort into staying with JB long-distance doesn't really benefit Shiloh like it did when they were both in high school, and staying with JB long-term would mean that at some point he'd have to look deep inside and ask himself if he's willing to change.

And yeah, he's lonely, and he loves JB, but is that worth giving up everything you know?

Buuut if you want my honest opinion, which I'm guessing you do because you read through this mountain of text, I like to think that him allowing Liz back into his life is a good sign. It, at the very least, means that he is willing to maintain one relationship and that he's willing to be at least somewhat honest with someone. That's already miles better from where he was when Xoxo Droplets started.

By the way-- if you agree or disagree with anything I said here I'd LOVE to hear people's takes on this topic! I love talking about them!

#Shiloh makes me INSANE #I'm supposed to be studying for my organizational and industrial psychology test tomorrow but I'M HERE WRITING ABOUT SHILOH FIELDS #bee's writing #our life #xoxo droplets #shiloh fields #gb patch

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joyful-witch · 7 months

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Besties I strongly dislike Scott Cawthon but the fnaf movie was good and I’m annoyed that it was good. Like. The joy I felt watching the movie (and also cried like twice cus it hit way too close to home as an older sibling) is unparalleled. But also. Scott Cawthon is an awful person and supports people who want me dead? And also doesn’t believe women should have the right to basic medical care? And. My feelings are so conflicting rn. I want to separate my love for the series from Scott Cawthon. But if I did that I wouldn’t be any better than HP fans.

I think it’s okay to have these complicated feelings and talk about them. I’m still trying to figure it out myself?

I guess the big difference between JKR and Scott is that he avoids talking about his opinions and the only reason we know these things is due to his voting record and who he gives money to (which btw I don’t believe donating to lgbt charities makes up for voting for the party that wants to commit genocide against us. It’s still shitty. Like yay he’s donating to the Trevor project but also. Damn voting for these people that want us to not have rights and don’t want us to be alive really hurts).

He is still actively harming the community. Even if he isn’t outwardly spewing hateful rhetoric (unless he’s gotten worse. Or unless his opinions have rapidly changed over the past couple of years. If so please feel free to correct me, just not without sources).

But his series has basically transcended his control. It’s not controlled by him. It’s controlled by the fans. Half the shit that’s canon now wouldn’t be canon without the fans and it’s this big collaborative effort and that’s what’s so beautiful about it. Unlike jkr whose views and specifically racism are baked into her properties.

But he still gets money from it.

And he could be using that money to support some really awful people.

Idk. It’s complicated.

I don’t like or support Scott Cawthon. But I love fnaf. I grew up with it. I love the community. And it really influenced my love for horror media. And gods this movie was great. I had such a good time watching it.

I don’t know what point I’m trying to get at.

I guess I’m just sorta venting.

It sucks loving something when it’s creator who actively gains money from it supports some truly awful people.

I want to be able to put my feelings aside so I can joyfully rant about this movie without mentioning “gosh I wish Scott wasn’t involved” but that obviously isn’t the case.

I don’t expect any response to this post. Im just sorta putting my feelings out there into the void. And if someone relates I hope they know they aren’t alone.

And if you’re gonna say something hateful or something that outwardly supports conservatives I will gladly block you. There is no excusing the active genocide being perpetrated by the Republican Party against the queer community, but more specifically trans people. And if you support that then you can gladly get the fuck off my page. I will not tolerate bigotry.

Also don’t harass anyone mentioned in this post. I really don’t want their fans to harass me and don’t want them to have a reason to. I’m not very popular but last time I posted about Scott I got a bunch of death threats from a bunch of middle aged white men and trolling teenagers. And I do not have the mental capacity to deal with that right now. I’m dealing with a nasty bout of Covid and a nicely sized second degree burn from a cooking accident on top of my chronic illness I don’t need to be harassed.

K thanks bye

#fandom posting #TW Harry Potter mention #TW Scott cawthon #fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf movie spoilers #kind of?#idk it’s established quickly he’s an older brother but still #anyhow #fuck Scott cawthon #but the movie was good #vent post #tw jkr mention #TW genocide mention #TW republicans mention #trans rights #trans rights are human rights #my post

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baby--b4t · 13 days

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hey snookums it’s me again :3 I have another minific or bot idea that i’m just leaving here because my ideas are spilling out of my head like soup rn :p

dottore (somehow) being trusted to babysit pantalone’s little, and he just doesn’t know what to do at all. “you want a beer?” “he’s four!!”/ref

the sillies I lub them :3

-🐠

PLEASE KEEP SENDING ME LITTLE IDEAS LIKE THIS (this goes for everyone !!) these ideas help me with my writers block and give me inspiration for other stuff (*^▽^*) I DID KINDA GO OFF TOPIC WITH THIS ONE but its still silly stuff with dottore :3

(minific under the cut)

"Why am I being put in charge of someone with the mental capacity of a child?" Dottore grimaced as he cleaned off one of his counters. He had planned to start on a new experiment today, but it was clear that was going to have to be put on hold for the time being.

"Oh please, dont sound so disgusted by it." Pantalone replied, setting you down in a nearby chair. "I just need you to watch them for a little bit while I attend a meeting. Everyone else is away or busy at the moment. A couple hours is all I ask, Dottore."

Dottore was clearly not the happiest about the situation, but he understood. He let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Fine! But if that little parasite messes with any of my equipment and breaks something, I expect better equipment to replace it with." He grumbled, turning to set a box of flasks aside.

Pantalone smiled slightly, setting down your bag he had packed for you.

"There are snacks, toys, an extra pacifier, and a change of clothes in there for the little one. Oh! There are also a few comfort items in case they start having a meltdown. Take care not to lose those, would you?" The man explained as he gave you a gentle hug. "Now, you be on your best behavior for Dottore, alright darling?"

You whined and tried to keep Pantalone with you, but he left you with Dottore in the end. He knew you would be upset, you always were when he left, but he reassured you he would be back very soon. Dottore watched you for a moment, not entirely sure how to care for someone as vulnerable and innocent as you.

"So... What is it that Im supposed to do with you, parasite?" He asked, leaning on a nearby counter as he seemed to study you. "Do you need fed or something?"

You reached into the bag Pantalone had packed for you and pulled out a small stuffed animal. Dottore tilted his head quizzically.

"A toy? Hm..." He thought for a moment, debating on just putting you on a makeshift leash somewhere until Pantalone came back. Play time wasnt really something he wanted to participate in. He wasnt at all fit to handle such childish things... But he couldnt lie and say he didnt find it intriguing.

"Do you play with it? Like a doll or puppet?" Dottore crouched next to the chair you sat in. You shook your head at him and hugged your stuffy close to your chest.

"Ah, I see. Is it like a companion to you?" Dottore smiled slightly, looking more creepy than happy. That somehow made you giggle. You tried to hide your face a little bit in hopes that he wouldnt see you, but it was fruitless.

"What? Whats so funny to you, parasite-" Dottore frowned slightly, trying to look at your face as you continued to try and hide away from him. The way he spoke and seemed frustrated seemed rather funny to you as well. The giggles wouldnt stop coming out of you no matter how much you tried to suppress them.

After a bit of pestering, Dottore finally just picked you up to get your attention.

"I didnt think looking after you would prove to be... So exhilarating." He mumbled, walking over to a more cleaned out area to keep you for the time being. Be stopped in his tracks as he heard you mimicking him, or what he thought was mimicry. You were just trying to repeat the word 'exhilarating' and figure it out and Dottore took that as you trying to poke fun at him.

Dottore sat you in a small corner with the blanket Pantalone brought you with. He chuckled as he plotted trying to get revenge for your 'mocking', feeling as though being a bit silly at a time like this wouldnt hurt.

"Well, well, well.. A misbehaving brat, hm? I know what will fix that behavior quickly." Dottore smiled once more, moving his hands to your side to try and tickle you. That was the start of a nearly twenty minute tickle battle between the two of you.

Dottore finally admitted defeat and was sat in the corner he originally put you in. He crossed his arms over his chest, pouting slightly.

"Im the adult here. Why do I have to sit in the corner?" He questioned, leaning against the wall slightly. You yawned and babbled something in response to him, but it was all gibberish to the man. He sighed and pulled you close to himself, settling you on his lap.

"Youre yawning so that must mean youre tired, right? How about we play a quieter game that ends in you falling asleep, hm?" Dottore suggested as he moved some hair out of your face. You perked up, reaching into your bag and pulling out a simple story book.

Dottore furrowed his brows under his mask for a moment. He didnt want to read a childrens book, but the pleading look on your fave made him cave.

"Give it here-" He grumbled before opening the front cover. You had shifted a bit, holding your stuffed animal and being covered in your blanket nicely. Dottore made sure to support your body with one arm as he held the book with his other.

"Once upon a time..." The man began to read the story aloud to you, his voice quieting slightly. He felt you starting to relax in his embrace, getting comfortable for your nap. He had no more than finished the story before realizing you fell asleep.

"Well that didnt take long." Dottore mumbled, trying to speak softly to make sure he didnt wake you up. He adjusted the two of you a bit, leaning comfortably against the wall with you all snuggled up in his lap. It wasnt long before he found himself dreaming alongside you.

Pantalone came back into Dottores lab after the meeting, expecting to be met with chaos and tears. The man was worried that Dottore would end up being a bad babysitter or that you couldve gotten into something. He let out a sigh of relief as he saw the two of you cuddling, but was a bit confused as to why you were cuddling in a corner.

You sat in Dottores lap, playing with one of your toys as he was still fast asleep. Your naps were quick and easy, so it wasnt surprising to see you were awake after only about an hour of sleeping.

"Well, look at that. You wore poor Dottore out, didnt you sweetheart?" Pantlone chuckled as he reached down to pick you up. He cradled you in his arms, planting a small kiss on the crown of your head.

You looked back down at Dottore, thinking for a moment before trying to throw down your blanket to him. Pantalone saw your efforts and smiled.

"Should we tuck him in so he can finish his nap?" He asked as he set you back down so you could cover him up. You pulled the blanket up further on him, up to his shoulders, before tucking your stuffed animal in with him.

"Such a thoughtful little dear." Pantalone praised, gently ruffling your hair.

#sfw interaction only #genshin agere #agere genshin #agere sfw #sfw agere #i didnt proof read this ¯\_(-w-)_/¯#🐠 anon

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gen-is-gone · 1 year

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having some Weird Thoughts currently about tumblr's place in the modern internet ecosystem, vis a vis twitter melting down, macebook/feta losing its shit, and a bunch of folks joining up here either for the first time in years or the first time at all.

namely, I really do believe that automattic/tumblr's current leadership is very very slowly and very very carefully implementing a bunch of changes in preparation to bring back adult content in its entirety, as part of a larger scheme to try to monetize without resorting to data scraping (which is basically impossible to do here the way it is on other sites anyway). it certainly seems like that's what they're doing, between post+, the tip jar, community labels, and the ability to make posts non-rebloggable. obviously these features have plenty of use outside of adult content (except maybe post+, which makes literally no sense outside of sex work), but what they seem to be doing is building up a logistical means by which to allow adult content, and allow it to be monetizable.

and like, no, I don't think tumblr the company is Our Best Friend; yes it is a company that needs to profit under capitalism to survive, but so is everything, and there is genuinely something funny and weird (in a very stupid, ironic way) about tumblr as a social media site operating in the 2020s. It just legitimately doesn't have the capacity to scrape data and sell targeted ads the way the giants of the modern internet do, both because it is a product of an earlier age when that wasn't yet a standard profit mechanism, and also just 'cause like. tumblr's fucking code is shit. I'm sure it's a lot better than it was circa 2012, but jokes about tumblr's legendary goof goof dildo spaghetti code used to be really common, and anyone who's been here longer than a couple months either remembers or at least has heard of just how weird and fucked up and bad the site's basic functionality used to be. Legitimately, the reason why tumblr feels so nice rn compared to the heyday is as much because it's just so genuinely more functional than it was ten years ago as it is because there's so comparatively few people.

but point being: if tumblr under yahoo had been handled with any semblance of basic competence, they might've seen which way the wind was blowing w/r/t targeted ads and data sales and we might have an entirely different, much worse hellsite than we actually have. or it probably would've died because yahoo would've actually fully ran it into the ground, more likely. but also it probably wouldn't have worked because the assumption of anonymity is so much more baked into the incredibly weird, broken, decade and half's worth of layered bullshit code that even if anyone previously could've realized that the smartest way to make money would be to scrape and sell data, they'd never have been able to implement it.

and so we have the tumblr of today: weird, unmarketable, ungovernable, proudly cringe, and deeply resistant to the mainstream. so not actually that much different to tumblr circa 2012, if a lot smaller and more battle-hardened.

but like. by the standards of what's available on the modern internet, tumblr is honestly one of the best, most versatile spaces still standing with any amount of a userbase? straight up, the dominance of twitter and instagram has made a lot of people really oddly perplexed by the concept of being able to write detailed essays in the body of a post, let alone the idea of dozens of images per post, or audio like, at all. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things about tumblr that I wish were different or better that just aren't compatible with how tumblr is set up at a base level as an LJ user every day I miss threaded comments and LJ-style cuts I LAMENT them I tell you, but of the options out there, tumblr is fucking wild in what it can offer. but I don't just mean for artists and fandom and weird little gremlins like those of us who've been here this whole time, I mean like. fuck. like.

watching the White House's twitter account try to lay out complex policy initiatives in 280-characters is fucking painful sometimes, and yet we've all gotten used to it in the past decade plus. leaving aside the fact that it's bonkers and deeply unsettling and generally bad that world leaders are beholden to usamerican for-profit corporations to communicate in general, of all of the socmed sites out there, it's kind of insane that twitter is the one that got big in the official political scene. (don't get me wrong: twitter is genuinely quite useful for disseminating quick bursts of information in crisis, and it's been fucking brilliant for coordinating in both natural disasters and evolving political/social disruption. but it's terrible at detailed, nuanced information sharing)

I don't know where I'm going with all of this necessarily, and I think twitter eating shit and going down in flames is pretty terrible for global democracy even as it is also on a surface level funny as shit. I don't want tumblr to replace twitter, or facebook, or insta, or tiktok, in being the place where everyone lives online. I want tumblr to stay as the little gremlin art ho fandom clown car, and lbr, it probably will. It'll probably never be what twitter is, for better or for worse. who knows if it'll ever be what it was in 2012 again. I like the ecosystem the way it is these days, with way fewer users, most of whom have been around the block more times than we can count, and are too jaded to start shit anymore. but tumblr needs money to survive, and as much as we're all enjoying posting cringe, tumblr's twitter is pulling off a masterwork balancing act luring twitter users over here, and it's working.

tumblr needs to do what it can to survive. we still don't know if all of this effort staff has been putting in these past ~10 months or so will be enough; the writing has been on the wall for years now that if tumblr doesn't find a way to financially justify itself, it won't survive another sale. automattic took a maybe unprecedented (and extremely positive, imo) risk this past year, and has been trusting current staff to listen to user input and implement positive changes, including finding ways to monetize without invading users' privacy, which who knows if the site even has the capability of doing anyway, even now. if we are all very lucky, and are willing to pitch in and treat this place like our community, we might even collectively succeed, and prove to the wider internet that it is possible to run a popular, high-traffic website without compromising user security. if tumblr is doing what I think they're doing, and very carefully building up a secure, socially, financially, and legally defensible way to support adult content on a site with american servers and a place on the app store in the 2020s, then we're off to the races and who knows where we'll go. if twitter does actually implode beyond salvaging, a huge chunk of the world will feel its loss, and many people, including all the normies and politicians and your mom, could very well cast their gaze to the website people wrote off as in its death throes four years ago. they probably won't, but as I was just vividly reminded earlier today, the White House did, in fact, have a tumblr once upon a time. who knows what the future holds.

but John Green deserves an apology, you weeaboo shits.

#tumblr #twitter #important blue checkmark #tumblr crabs #twitpocalypse #our cyberpunk future #megan whines into the empty abyss of cyberspace

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twistedsongstressofstarz · 4 months

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🌠Kayliore Kathlena🌠

(she does have a general design, but i don't have time to finish the ref rn tho)

Name : Kayliore Amaria Kathlena

Nicknames : Kaylz, Kayli, Kiya, Mademoiselle Chanteuse D'Étoile, Lily (Rurianne)

Age : Undiscernibly fucking old (not even I know anymore)

Height : 5'5

Homeland : Briar Valley (Magic Kingdom Levianta too, somewhat)

Birthday : Jan 4

Species : Half-Fae (?)

◌☆————————————————☆◌

⟬••General••⟭

Hair Color : Purple (of different shades, but still purple anyway)

Eye Color : Right yellow, Left pink

Gender : Female (she/they/star)

Sexuality : Bisexual

Family : Thiz iz private information

Favorite Food : Shrimp (Not yall tho, I'm not Banica), Iced Tea, Cake

Least Favorite Food : Broccoli (Ew)

Likes : Music, Songs, Drawing, Writing, Sewing, Rhythm games, Creative work, Vil (<;3), Causing Chaos

Dislikes : Being interrupted, Crowley, Being called weak (or vurnerable in any capacity), Harsh Rain, Loneliness, Art block

Hobbies : Music composition, Drawing, Writing

Personality : Being Pomefiore's resident songstress, Kayliore appears intimidating on the outside, concentrated on one goal. That is, what she appears like to people who don't know her that well. If you do, however, prepare for one of the most chaotic people you've ever met. Whether it be openly simping for her own dorm leader in front of her friends, indiscriminately stalking people in other universes through a music box, or talking nonsense about another world star's been in, Kayliore is an enigma to the majority of the school. And not to mention how cryptic they speak when something weird is happening.

There is, however, another side to her that even fewer people know. Even the most dramatic of songstresses have their vulnerable moments.

Occupation : Student, Resident Songstress (and apprentice Butai Shoujo™️)

Twisted from : Technically Twilight Melody and Stage of SEKAI (not really tho)

◌☆————————————————☆◌

⟬••School Information••⟭

Dorm : Pomefiore

School Year : 2nd Year (Skipped several a grade!)

Class : 2-B

Best Subject : Ancient Magics, Musicology

Worst Subject : Flight

Club : Film Club <3

Dominant Hand : Right

◌☆————————————————☆◌

⟬••Unique Magic••⟭

Defy all doubts, by Twilight's Sound!

Twilight's Sound allows Kayliore to boost someone's mood, as well as their abilities connected to said mood. However, in return, Kayliore's own mood will go down. When the person they use this on goes about a mile away, the effect of the UM will stop, leaving both Kayliore and the person it was used on in a really, really bad mood.

They've only used it once before, and only save it for dire situations.

◌☆————————————————☆◌

⟬••Backstory••⟭

Something happened one day and I decided it'd be a good idea to record history through songz, whether that be of thiz world or many of the otherz. There'z more, but why would I tell you that right now?

[A Songstress' Tale of Origin]

◌☆————————————————☆◌

⟬••Trivia••⟭

Seemingly always knows where Aiyuu is

Knows things she isn't supposed to, but star really doesn't care.

Weirdly can change her voice to just about anything, like mimicking anyone's voice or making her's sound more robotic.

Stars magic seems to fluctuate in power sometimes, mostly because of her… trip.

#☆~songstress' oc friendz #☆~ kayliore #Kayliore Kathlena #twst oc #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland oc #disney twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst

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dotterelly · 3 months

Text

Hey, so I just wanted to say how nice it's been to vibe with you all today. Seriously, thank you. It's been a long time since I last really interacted with any kind of fandom community, and I wasn't sure about joining one again. I've not been in the best place mentally recently, but I've had such a good time and I'm so grateful to everyone for facilitating that.

I have more to say but I'm throwing it under a cut because it'll be long and not relevant to most people here.

For a long time I've not chosen to join communities for things I liked, either because I already had friends to chat with about it, or because I just kind of felt like people would hate me (I have an internal voice that's always telling me people hate me it sucks ass). Like I seriously think the last time I interacted with a fan community in any meaningful way was the yogscast back in 2012 (yes, I am old.).

In the time between, I've had some big life upheavals and some subsequent mental health breakdowns. I've never got really bad with it, but this last year a lot of the big changes in my life have caught up with me. Turns out immigrating to America the day they closed the borders for covid to enter lockdown in an unfamiliar country with barely any local friends isn't good for your mental state. (Still worth it, I got the best husband ever out of the deal. I'd do it again every time.)

I found the qsmp at my lowest point of last year, when a situation with a colleague and a sudden change in position and responsibility at work caused a 2 week long anxiety attack in a way I've never experienced before, with a side of insomnia. I fell back on old coping habits and found something to escape into, and starting with technoblade I consumed a vast amount of media in a short amount of time, catching up with half a decade of minecraft stuff I'd missed out on. Finally deciding I wanted to follow Philza going forward, I then spent 2 months catching up on all his qsmp vods. I've not been this into something for a long time, and my desire to find people I could screech with when stuff went down brought me round to dusting off my mildly neglected Tumblr account. And I'm so glad I did. I didn't know how much I missed this sort of community.

Thanks to everyone who's interacted with me directly or with my posts in the last couple of weeks. As a heads up, I am not good at consistent tagging and I will just reblog and post any random crap I like in a sort of crazed stream of consciousness, so follow at your own risk! Also I truly intend to just vibe and not engage in any fandom drama. If I reblog anything controversial it is most likely because I'm new and didn't know, or because my neurodivergent ass did not pick up the context or subtext of the thing I reblogged. I do have opinions about things, but I simply do not have the emotional or mental health capacity to properly research situations or deal with discourse like that rn. I just want to vibe and see cool art and fics and theorise a bit and maybe make some friends if I find people I click with.

So that's a bit of an introduction to who I am and what I am about. Thank you all again so much for helping me start to rebuild myself again after a shitty end to the last year. I hope to continue this adventure with everyone going forwards! <3

#qsmp #a personal note

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totally-sapphic-posts · 5 months

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I'm sorry maybe this isn't gonna be entertaining. Can I have an advice? I met this person online, we chat sometimes mostly in groups but this time I adventure to chat one on one a little more. Days goes by and we talk a little more, nothing serious, just two strangers sharing thoughts. one day she had a problem and said I was the only one talking with her and she needed to let that out,we talked, she calmed down, we were fine. Since then we started talking a little more and more, about our day, jobs, family, share videos, say gm and gn. She had all my attention and I think I had hers. Until one day I said gm and there were no answer until hours later, strange, I ask later if she was busy and her answer was no. Days go by and we talked less, hours went by without answer, no gm texts, nothing about her day, after a couple weeks I ask her if something happened, I feel her distance, she said no, it's that sometimes she needs attention and sometimes she fixated in other thing but that I don't have nothing to worry about. But nothing changed, more weeks and more distance, a little worse, I noticed she wasnt sharing anything with me anymore, not her day, thoughs, plans, videos, pictures, we talked everyday but much less and hours apart when it used to be minutes, it was like she forgets my message or she didn't wanna answer me, bc I knew she talk on the group and with others but not me. I approached again and ask if she wanted this, if she didn't want to talk to me I would understand but please tell me. She said yes and no, yes because she felt a connection with me and no bc she wasn't good mentally and didn't want to connect emotionally and she knew she wasn't a good friend rn. I said she hasn't to be perfect but I needed to know that she still care for us, she said yes. I wanted to talk about a way that she felt okay not talking with me if she doesn't want to but letting me know she was okay or at least think about me, she said later. We talked two more days with the same answer after hours, you could tell it was when she didn't have anything else to do or talk with. And then.. we didn't talk for three weeks. We were chatting and I did a comment about something, I answered and she never replied, she didn't even open the chat, until weeks later. This group where we met, I keep my distance from, I don't talk there anymore for various reasons, but she's still there and talk with everyone at any time, actually it appears she had a gf there now. I don't know if I love her like more than a friend, I care deeply for her. I don't know if I'm overreacting or shouldn't feel like trash. I've been months crying waiting for her, wondering what I did wrong. I don't know what to do anymore . I'm sorry this is too long, can someone advise or k*ll me. .?

I’m so sorry this happened to you. If she’s moved on, just know it isn’t your fault. And just because she wasn’t in a good mental space doesn’t mean you can’t be upset about how all of this has made you feel. You didn’t do anything wrong and it sounds like she just didn’t have the capacity at that moment to maintain anything. I can’t say much about her since I don’t know her, but I can say that you don’t need to blame yourself for how things went.

Allow yourself to be sad. Process everything that has happened and how you’re feeling about everything. It’s really important that you process your feelings and allow yourself to feel. Be kind to yourself as you heal, and when you’re ready, move on from her. Because, while she may be struggling mentally, you don’t need to allow her to make you feel bad.

Wishing you the best ❤️

#ask

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welcome-to-the-end-of-eras · 7 months

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Live Reading: The Salt Miracles

I am only doing this for The Salt Miracles and not the other stories in The Winter Spirits because it's too much effort and I'm already going insane. I'm also going in 100% blind, I have absolutely no idea what it's about or whose perspective it's following, but my lord am I nervous.

I haven't even started yet but I just realised I've been calling it The Salt Mines by accident and put it in a twitter post oops-

OOO IT'S SOMEONE NEW

I STILL HAVEN'T STARTED READING YET BUT I SAW THEM REFERENCE A PRIEST AND NOW I'M GOING INSANE I NEED TO BE SEDATED

I'm chewing on glass and gnawing at the bars of my fucking enclosure

This (not) reading is more indicative of my mental illness than my actual diagnoses

If St Hilda is a fucking asylum I'm going to commit several crimes

I already love Mhairi she's so fun

Wait why is it changing to another dude Mhairi was fun :((( ik I'll probably like Flint but Mhairi is cool and I want her to write a proper female mc for once

Wait wait wait if the salt is pink it's probably Himilayan, and that along with Russia was where Mori said there was a weird no-clairvoyance zone thing so ??? I'm going to lose my marbles

Ohh nvm it's algae, that would've been cool

Okay Flint is also a priest, we have two priests now

"... I've been, you know, head first in a bucket the whole way" yeah okay this is a Pulley protag and I love him

" 'A whole...Christmas selection?' 'Nuts' " that may just become my new Twitter bio (probably not I like my Glass Onion reference too much)

He has a portable camera so this is probably taking place in like the twenties, but Kodak as a company was founded literally the same time tlfop was happening which is funny

Motherfucker are we getting animal-human hybrids???

I like fog as a metaphor, especially in tlfop, so I will probably write out something about it later

"...beehives, or cairns (graves)" this sounds like when Mori threatened Ito's wife who was allergic to bees

Why tf are there pilgrims??? Ik they're not like the Mayflower types of pilgrims, but what kind of religious journey thing are they doing???

I also want to write about the complete lack of respect for government officials and just general authority from the pulleyverse protags bc none of them have any fucks to give about authority figures

"...in his unofficial capacity as the bishop's shoulder-angel" PLS-

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was mentioned and now I'm 1.) thinking about tlfop again, and 2.) am fairly certain that this story takes place not far from the events of tlfop, because the first Sherlock Holmes book was published in 1887 and he references them as being "new:

"...now the bishop didn't believe in miracles"

"I'll be Eve in a cider factory" tbh I don't understand what that means too well rn but I love it regardless (ik Eve bit the apple and all that jazz I just can't wrap my brain around the metaphor please don't explain the Bible to me)

I auto-filled an Irish accent for Kerryn in my brain so when he called Flint "Father Kang" I thought he meant "King" for a minute

Okay so it starts December 18th, which is also the date that Mori said he would come back to Japan if I'm not mistaken??? (Edit: I WAS RIGHT AND I FEEL LIKE GOD)

But I must be slightly off because X-rays weren't invented until 1895 :(((

Also I know Kerryn is probably the secondary lead but there's something off about him I don't like, I can't put my finger on it

Either Ms. Pulley messed up her math or I don't know what an advent calendar is, because I was under the impression this was in December, so how tf has Rosemary been on the island for 38 days if she's been there since September??? She would've had to have come in November for that to be true

Flint out here profiling people by name like his name isn't fucking Flint (I also definitely laughed and thought of Batman when I read Bruce's name for the first time)

I can't handle references to the winter king rn don't do this to me-

I stopped to make dinner because I'm hungry, I started at like 5:30 and it's now like 7:35 and I have some yummy pasta and pumpkin tea (I also had like 1.5 margaritas)

I can finally use my insanely eurocentric art history class notes to explain the imagery of what Flint describes in Ezekiel's angels; each of the four creature's heads is representative of the four apostles who wrote the bible, and that coupled with the biblically accurate angels coming down from on high are clear indicators of the second coming in art, meaning the previous priest was preaching the end of days to these people

I've always been such a sucker for Catholicism in gothic media, especially when it comes to imagery, so this all is right up my alley

THE O W L ? ? ?

"...the Almighty had forgotten about the United Kingdom" she's so fucking real for that

Honestly??? The Bishop sounds like he'd be a good love interest for Flint. Maybe it's because I don't like Kerryn that much even tho he's the standard choice, but the whole "hearing them talking to you in times of stress" thing is a fun thing I like with all the pulleyverse couples and it happened with the Bishop so. Hmm.

Fliny's whole color metaphor for logic + Thaniel's synesthesia sounds like another essay for me

The optimism of Flint and the pilgrims is really going to make the horror aspect of this all hit so hard I'm excited

On that note, I love how the stones that looked like beehives so readily became cairns as the tone got darker

My computer started updating as I was making this and I was so scared that I lost everything but thank fuck for tumblr drafts

Anyways those salt rocks are a grade A prime example of Chekov's gun if I've ever seen one

The rocks are fuckin BIRDS???

The fear of machinery is something we have seen in Pulley novels before, especially around this time period, but it's just making me think of the Mars House and how that would tie in

HIMB BABY BIRD I'M ABOUT TO CRY-

N O NOT THE BIRD :(((

That was fast

"The islanders didn't leave a hundred years ago. We're walking in them." this line goes so hard, especially because it includes the audience in the "we"

OOO altitude sickness, very Bedlam Stacks-core

The cloaked devil imagery and unforgotten knowledge description is giving very much Edgar Allen Poe and it's gorgeous

I cannot say I care at all about Kerryn becoming salt but damn was it a creepy twist

And the way she physically started crumbling??? Genuinely horrifying

It took this short story for me to realise that that scene in twofs where Mori is giving his side of the argument with the priest in the future where he actually did go to the wedding, he's arguing about the story of Lot, which likely was derivative of the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Wonder why that would come up. Hmm. A mystery.

"He could taste it -- something electric." PLS I'M GOING NUTS-

What in the fucking Cthulu-

Oh Mhairi's back!!! Yay!!!

Alright maybe I spoke too soon with the whole Bishop and Flint thing

Wait it's not Flint??? I thought Bruce was Flint for a second

Oh f u c k dude that was HEAVY

That's so nuts

I literally do not have words what the fuck was that ending

It was really good and clever and fun but w o w

Ending thoughts: I genuinely have none, that was terrifying and beautiful and cool as FUCK, and I think if Ms. Pulley started pumping out only horror novels from now on I would be in full support. It's a really fuckin out of pocket move considering her previous works and even her last short story that had a relatively happy ending but my god it was good. 10/10, very creeped out. Also the sign at the end??? Knowing Flint probably wrote that out and put it around his own neck like a noose??? That's so fucking hardcore I can't believe it. Utterly amazed.

#natasha pulley #the watchmaker of filigree street #twofs #the lost future of pepperharrow #tlfop #the kingdoms #tk #the bedlam stacks #tbs #the half life of valery k #thlovk

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alastairstom · 10 months

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As the resident Matthew Fairchild Expert™️, I was wondering what your thoughts were on the headcanon many people had that Matthew would have his marks stripped or turn into a Downworlder… did you like the headcanon or no? And, on a related note, I thought I could share my unpopular opinion about Matthew and see if you might agree: I’d actually think it would be a great final ending for Matthew if he eventually gave up being a Shadowhunter and pursued some sort of career in entertainment (basically similar to Jem and Tessa rn), where he’s not isolated from his friends and family but he’s finally able to be free from whatever constructs hold him back. I actually have a huge argument for this opinion lol but I don’t wanna bore you so pls lmk if you’re interested to hear 👀

So, I actually had mixed feelings on those headcanons. To explain why, I'm going to address your second question first.

There were two roads that I was hoping Matthew's story might go down. The first was exactly what we got: he conquers his addiction, bridges the gap he's created between himself and his loved ones, makes the decision to place himself in a better situation, and then we get a novella bindup about him finding love in the future.

The second road, which I liked just as much in a different way, is the scenario you've described. He gets his marks stripped and thrown out of the Clave, and it hurts for a while. But eventually his loved ones do reconnect with him regardless of the Law (he is Charlotte's son after all), and he makes it big in the entertainment industry. Like, he becomes a big-name, world-renowned actor, and the world loves him and he gets to live out his initial dream or putting some light into the world with his art. We get a novella bindup about him showing what it means for a Shadowhunter to readjust to life as a mundane.

So, yes. I really like the storyline that you described. I thought it would be especially interesting if Matthew actively enjoyed being a mundane after the fact - Shadowhunters can, after all, be a "stuffy lot." I wanted his ending to be happy and hopeful, but I also thought that he actively would come to enjoy this lifestyle once he realised that there were endless possibilities open to him. It would be an interesting and bittersweet ending.

It would be even more amazing to see him give it up willingly in a sort of Jem/Tessa scenario. I think this is a route I would have adored because it would mean that he made the choice of his own accord. A part of me, now that I am thinking of it, is sort of yearning for it.

That being said, I would not sacrifice the ending we got for this possibility. I would have been happy either way, but I really like how his happy ending was breaking off from the London set and traveling so he could find himself and take the reins on his own life. It's a story that currently is very near and dear to me because I'm in sort of a similar situation to him in various capacities. We're travelers, adventurers, and we're going to look forward into that part of our lives together. I wouldn't want to change that, and I think it's another odd way that I have grown with and still am growing with Matthew Fairchild.

As for the Downworlder theory, I have mixed feelings on it. It's not something I actively wanted, though I thought that there were ways that Cassie could make it a satisfying conclusion. I would not want to see Matthew forced into being a Downworlder, especially if it meant that he became immortal against his will. The only way I would have liked it is if Matthew actively chose to become a Downworlder to pursue his bohemian values and lifestyle. I'm intrigued by the possibility of a Shadowhunter who would want to be a Downworlder or who would embrace it, and that would have been interesting to see. But upon reflection, I don't think that ever could have been Matthew's story. I would have ultimately wished that we went down one of the two routes described above and felt unsatisfied with it.

Thanks for the ask! I always love to talk about my main man, lol.

#matthew fairchild #tlh #the last hours #i AM interested to hear also lol #please share

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microsuedemouse · 8 months

Text

vent post bc I’m in a crummy mood tn, sorry gang

I Know that if I want things to get better rn I need to act in some way. I Know that I’m basically the only one who can change anything about a lot of what’s making me miserable. but every goddamn problem I try to address seems to exist in a shitty evil cycle with some other problem

if I took better care of myself maybe I would be more appealing to the people I want to befriend -> if I had friends to see and didn’t feel so lonely maybe I would have the motivation to take better care of myself

maybe if I worked more I wouldn’t be perpetually broke, and I could actually do something else once in a while -> my job fucking exhausts me at ~22 hours a week; I don’t have the energy to do anything else even if I could afford it

obviously I need a better job than this one, which is sucking all the life out of me -> I do not have the energy a lot of jobs would require -> a job that suits me better might be less fucking exhausting, but I don’t have the qualifications for much -> maybe I should go back to school in some capacity -> school is expensive and I’m terrified to go further into debt without any certainty it’ll help me any

loneliness and isolation are taking an enormous fucking toll on me right now, and I’m desperate to try and connect with people around me, but I was socially anxious to begin with and the last few years have left me really out of practice -> I try to reach out to people but I fumble or my desperation shows through and progress is awkward and slow at best -> I only get lonelier and more desperate

there are people at my job I really, really want to befriend, and am slowly making inroads with, but it’s hard bc there aren’t a lot of opportunities to socialise -> again, I desperately need a different job, but I’ll lose touch with these few people and I don’t think I’m far enough along with them to stay connected, and even if there were potential friends at the next job I’d be starting from the fucking ground all over again

I am trying so hard but everything is so tangled up and difficult and I feel so small and tired and alone all the time and it’s so difficult to convince myself it isn’t all just futile

#personal #vent #I don’t rly want advice or anything I just need it out of my system #love you guys.

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your-dose-of-obidala · 2 years

Note

8 and 12 from the smut list🥵

My dear nonny, this was such a delight to write! Thank you for the prompt. I hope you like it, even though I have no idea if I did the right thing with your prompt. In any case, thank you!

Some people might not be able to relate to this side of parenthood but I can tell you that it's based on my own life experience ;)

If you liked this you can still prompt me. Smut or otherwise.

Rated: Explicit

Being parents to energetic twins is tough. But being parents and visiting the in-laws is another form of torture. There is only limited privacy in his own home as it is, but at his in-law's house, this gets bumped up to no alone time at all.

The twins sleep with them in their bed, because Padmé doesn't want to deal with a repeat performance of the night of their arrival when all of them fell asleep around 3 o'clock, exhausted and cranky .

It's ok, they are used to one or both of them sleeping with them. But of course, not every night.

So between one toddler that is like a face-hugger and another that sprawls like an octopus and a blanket stealing wife Ben doesn't sleep that well . Padmé isn't faring much better, even though she at least is warm.

Besides the restless sleep, there is also the matter of a bit of a dry spell that started two weeks or so ago. The twins have phases, where they are especially needy and demand their mother's attention more so than usual . He can deal. He has a right hand in all. But masturbation doesn't fill the void of real intimacy.

So, between the sleeping and the no sex thing and the no privacy and trying to stay in his mother-in-law's good graces he is a bit... Frustrated.

He loves his kids. He does. But they are cockblocking monsters. He recently googled if blue balls can affect the brain's capacity. It feels like it. Of course, they don't. But he is very sure that they are lying.

They are here for his mother-in-law's birthday. They arrived three days ago and will be driving home on Friday, two days from now. He loves them, all of them. But right now he could do with about two hours alone with Padmé. Preferably in a bed. But he would take any surface at this point. As long as there are no plastic toys that have blaring sirens attached, no lego blocks that can realign his chakras by only stepping on them, and parts of the miniature tea set from Leia's doll, Lola .

Gosh, he really wants to make love to his wife.

Right now he is sitting in his car, stuck in traffic after getting something or other that Sola needed for tonight's dinner . Leia is in the backseat, sleeping peacefully after throwing a tantrum in Wal Mart. He is not going to wake her up.

Future Ben can pick up the slack when she will be wide awake during her bedtime in about (he checks his watch) four hours. Jup. Not his problem.

It's hot in the car and the AC is not running properly . He has to bring the car to the mechanic when they get back to D.C.

His mobile chirps and he checks it absent-mindedly . There is a message from Padmé. He touches the car's screen and the mechanic voice reads:

Luke threw up all over me.

He groans and rubs his forehead. Hopefully , the boy will not get sick.

He found my licorice stash and went wild. Mom took him and went for a walk after that.

The voice tells him that there is a picture attached. When the car stops again, he grabs the phone and checks to see the pic. It's Luke, sleeping in his pram.

Well, at least both twins will be wide awake later. He gives a self-deprecating laugh.

Sighing he pulls into an opening between two cars and ignores the headlight flasher. His mind wanders for a moment and thinks about his wife at his in-law's house, having to change clothes.

Ruwee, Sola, and Jarred are still at work, that's why he had to pick up the groceries. And Jobal's out with Luke.

Padmé is alone at home.

His eyes widen comically when he realizes.

His mobile chirps.

I am alone rn. The monotone voice says and he shouldn't feel that much excitement at hearing a robotic voice. He checks the mirror to see if Leia is still asleep. She is.

" Just my luck," he mumbles and rubs his beard.

Another chirp, another message.

Call me?

He plucks the headset from the glove compartment and connects it to his mobile. He speed-dials her number and she answers on the second ring.

"Hey," she says and he can hear her smile.

"Hello," he answers and his voice is gruffer than usual. She gives a delighted laugh. He clears his throat.

"So."

"Yes."

"Luke is asleep and I am alone. Where is my husband?"

"He is trying to get past a well-timed construction site."

"I don't hear Leia."

"She is asleep."

There is silence on the other side.

"We have the worst luck." she sighs. And he hears her shifting and the springs of a mattress. Is she in bed?

"Are you--?" he asks and she breathes out: "Uh-huh."

He damns the construction worker, the traffic, and his bad luck.

"I could tell you what I am doing." she sing songs.

"Pad, love, I cannot have phone sex while our four-year-old is in the back seat of the car," he whispers.

"But you can listen to me," she suggests and he can almost see her stretching in bed and getting more comfortable.

"You're going to kill me."

He is functioning on auto-pilot. Both hands wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, looking at the cars in front of him. Drives. Stops. Drives a bit more. At this rate he will be home in about 20 minutes, he guesses.

"I am already so wet," she confesses. "It feels like I am still wet from this morning."

They had both snuck off after waking off with the twins sleeping in between them. They had shared a look over the kids' heads and gotten out of bed without speaking.

He had fingered her against the bathroom counter, kissing her furiously to keep her from making any noises that would wake them .

But their parents' radar had gone off anyway.

She had started jerking him off when they heard a soft "Mama?" from the other room.

"I wish you would be here. I want you inside of me so bad."

His breathing is getting a bit labored. The car is getting warmer. His clothes are stuck to him. Even his skin feels too tight.

"I wish I was with you. Can you--" he glances at Leia's angelic face in the mirror and drops his voice. "Can you put your fingers to good use? Imagine their mine, darling."

There is a sigh that makes him shiver.

"Can I take three?" she asks innocently and he wants to curse.

And he nods to himself, before adding. "Yes. Three. Is Good."

He remembers her pussy stretched around his own fingers and takes a steadying breath.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love your hands?" She doesn't wait for an answer. He is not sure he can say something anyway. "They feel so different from my own. They feel so good on my skin. You have those-- Callouses on your-- Your index finger."

He swallows and all cars in the front give a sudden lurch and roll. He can even shift into second gear for a moment before they stop again. Still too far away from her.

His cock is very hard and pressing against the zipper. He adjusts himself and presses a hand down for a moment. Fuck.

"It feels so good on my clit." she continues and he gives an involuntary groan.

"Tell me what you do, Pad."

"I have three fingers in me. And with the other I am--"

Oh, he knows what she is doing. He has seen her do it countless times. She cannot come without touching her clit, so he has a good idea of what her other hand is currently up to.

She moans in his ear and it's nothing like hearing her when they are in bed together. It's flat and tinny, while her voice is throaty and warm when she is like this.

There is a frustrated sigh on her end.

"I can't pinch my nipples," she complains. "Why do I only have two hands, Ben?"

He laughs.

"Usually I am helping you out with another two."

"You are too far away."

Again, the cars start up and they keep driving. The construction site comes nearer and could it really be that he will be past it in a few seconds?

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't want to jinx it. The three lanes merge into two and even though some people still don't get the zipper method, he is so not going to get frustrated by that .

And then he is driving. At a normal pace.

"Ha," he says and grins. " I might not be that far away."

" Really ?" she asks and it seems to pull her out of her trance.

"I am going to be there in ten minutes." Then he remembers Leia. "What about--?"

She seems to already know.

"You can park in the garage. We leave the door open and stay in the laundry room. We'll hear her when she wakes."

"You are brilliant, you know that?"

"I know."

"That also means that you have to be quiet." He loves it that she is almost incapable of keeping it down.

"I guess you need to kiss me a lot then."

There is some silence, where they listen to the other breathe and it feels good. It's not mindless frustration now, but anticipation that hums through him. It feels like they are in this together. Partners in crime.

"I had this fantasy that you would fuck me in my old bed, you know?"

"Yeah?" he grins. "You are a naughty girl, Padmé."

She giggles. It's delightful.

"How old were you?"

"Fifteen."

His eyes widen and his smile drops.

"Wha--?" he chokes. "I was almost 25 back then, love!"

"It was a crush. Just that first summer when you visited your uncle."

"I never-- Not until later."

"I know," she reassures him. A lot of people judged them and especially him after they had gotten together because of how long they had known each other and how much older he was . "I just remembered when we came back and I saw that my mother had renovated the guest room. I had dreamed about you sneaking into my bedroom and taking my virginity."

He draws a breath. There is something uncomfortable and hot in his belly. Underneath is still the simmering of arousal, but on top lays the big fat feeling that this is taboo. He shouldn't be thinking of it. But she is his wife and even though he never saw her like that back then, there is something about it. He feels almost flattered, awed, that she would trust him like that.

This girl, fifteen, with gangly limbs and big brown eyes. It's a gift, he realizes, It's safe to say it here, now. Even safer due to their distance. But also safe because it's part of their shared past. It's just for them.

So he gets comfortable with this feeling. Allows himself to sink back into that warm cocoon they have created here.

"I realize now that I wasn't ready for any of that, back then. But I imagined it. You. Because you were safe. I know you would've never broken my trust."

"Love."

There is so much intimacy at this moment and he swallows around his constricted throat. She laughs softly .

"But you know what?"

"Hmm?"

"We're so much better than everything I imagined."

He pulls into their street. He can see his in-law's house at the end of it.

"Almost there," he whispers and presses the little remote for the gate to open.

"There you are," she breathes and disconnects the call. He drives into the garage, opens his window all the way up, and kills the ignition. Getting out of the car is hard. He is definitely walking funny. The gate shuts with a soft click.

Stepping through the door at the side of the garage into the laundry room, he spots Padmé coming down the stairs on the other side of the room .

"Hey," she says and she looks done. Frazzled, tired, mom-bun hanging down loosely , too big shirt and black leggings.

"Hey," he replies and grins. They stare at each other for a second and it's awkward before they both start laughing and walk toward each other . Jup, still walking funnily .

"I guess this wasn't how you imagined me?" she says a bit self-conscious, between kisses, while he crowds her against the washing machine . He pulls her leggings down, realizing that she is not wearing any underpants.

"This is exactly what I had in mind." he says and grabs her hips to hoist her up.

"Don't lie!" But she seems pleased that he is being a besotted idiot.

"I am not lying," he mumbles against her lips. "I've never wanted to fuck you more than I do right now."

There is an instant when they lock eyes and he feels like all those years ago when he fell in love with her. They belong together, he knows it. They are like magnets and he feels sappy and lucky to have her.

"You need to fuck me now. I want your cock inside of me." Her breath is on his lips, warm and moist.

"Gosh, you have the best ideas. I really love you."

"I know, I know, I know. Come on now, Kenobi."

Padmé's hands are at his zipper and it's pure relief when it slides down and she pushes his jeans over his hips. Without preamble, she takes him into her small hand, firm, and guiding. He leans his forehead against her shoulder for a moment to buck up and feel her work him. She smells like fabric softener and her shower gel. Those slow steady strokes make him gasp. She knows exactly what he likes.

She pulls him forward, towards her entrance. He feels her slide onto the very edge of the washing machine so that she can meet him halfway .

That first moment of penetration is amazing. And he knows she enjoys it, too. He is being enveloped by her blissful heat. The noise she makes in the back of her throat tells him exactly that she wants him as much as he wants her.

Their bodies start a gentle rocking motion. The eye contact makes it that much more intense. He realizes that they are both testing the waters, waiting for something to happen.

"No one is going to come," she whispers. "Except for us."

And then they are on each other. They kiss, deep and urgent, her hands clawing at his neck and shoulder. Legs wrapping around him, urging him on with her heels digging into his lower back.

The sharp points of her nails make him lose his mind a bit. She begs for more and he gives in. He wants her with a passion that's borne out of frustration and missed chances. It's usually not like this. Not this hard, not this intense.

"I'm not gonna last."

"'s ok." she slurs.

"If you ease up I can--"

"No, just keep on fucking me. Come inside of me, please. I want to feel you come."

"Padmé!"

"Make me feel it."

Her muscles tighten around him and he yelps, his hips pistoning into her ceaselessly . She keens and grabs his arse as if she could pull him closer. As if there would be a way for him to get deeper into her.

But the idea alone, that she wants him like that, needs him like that makes him come. It's a rush and he can hear himself making strangled punched-out noises, but he doesn't care because Padmé is still chanting a steady yes, oh yes into his ear . It fades a bit while his body is getting the needed release. He shudders and holds on.

The low buzzing of rushing blood through his veins makes him a bit unsteady, but there is nowhere to go with both of them leaning on the washing machine .

He kisses her again. Her lips are red and lush and even if she would be dressed to the nines, her flushed face and glazed eyes tell a clear story of what they did for the last 10 minutes .

His hands glide over the sides of her face, to pull the hair back that is hanging into her eyes. Pulls her nearer so that he can see the gold in her eyes and rub their noses together.

"You look ridiculous," she says grinning. "You are so red. And sweaty."

He laughs and tries to pull away, but she doesn't let him.

"No." she searches his face. "Don't leave. Please."

It's a nice moment.

She holds him while he softens in her gradually . He holds her and pats her hair, kisses her soft neck reverently.

Then there is a whiny: "Mama?!" coming from the open door of the laundry room, where the car is parked . Like an afterthought, Leia follows it with a questioning "Papa?"

"I am coming, baby!" Padmé croons but doesn't move.

Before they do anything else, they kiss one more time. More like themselves now. Loving and tender. And he asks himself if the last twenty minutes weren't just a particularly good fever dream and he is going to wake up any minute now .

"Pass me my leggings," He steps back, sliding out of her and zips up. Leaning down he grabs the pants and helps her get into them. She hops down from the washing machine and pulls the black fabric over her arse.

The sight is lovely.

Leia calls for them again, but it's not frantic. Just a reminder that she is there. She seems to be talking to Lola.

Padmé licks her lips, leans forward into his space, and says quietly : "I can still feel you. If we get the chance you can lick your cum out of my pussy."

He came less than 5 minutes ago, but his cock gives a twitch. Thanks for the effort, buddy.

She kisses him again, very tenderly. He huffs a laugh.

"Fancy meeting you here, Mrs. Kenobi."

"What a lucky coincidence."

And with that, she hurries over to Leia who greets her with all the excitement only a 4-year-old can have.

"Had a good nap, princess?"

"Yes, Papa! Lola, too!"

She gives him a beatific smile and climbs into Padmé's arms.

He watches Padmé talk to Leia, while she tells her all about their grocery store trip.

Being a parent is not that bad, after all, he thinks and smiles.

#obidala #obi wan x padme #yddoo calling me #yddoo #my fic #smut prompt #anon prompt #lemon

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