#this is definitely a complicated topic in that it's not universal - it is however something i've seen a lot throughout the years | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sliceofcake-cupoftea · 1 year

Text

Batter... Batter... Swing!

Character(s): Murayama Yoshiki (x reader)

Plot Line: Soulmates; A troubling concept. Especially when you are meant to be the perfect boring golden child to your parents but yours is a high school deliquent that can't seem to stay out of trouble. Seems like a perfect match in your opinion.

Warnings: High and Low (Violence, mature content, etc.)

Life was fucked.

Though, you guessed you couldn’t really complain.

It wasn’t as if you were poor. Your parents weren’t abusive (technically; maybe leaning a bit towards emotionally in certain situations). Everyday, you were welcomed home to a nice house and a warm meal. Hell, you had the necessities every teenager craved (and a bit more if you were honest).

But, you loved to complain.

To be fair, teenagers liked to complain. A lot.

If you had to pick where your problems began, it would be your parents. It started with encouragement in getting good grades. Then it turned into praise for perfect grades. Next came a suggestion to learn an instrument. Which eventually spiraled into multiple. However, it didn’t stop there. Like as if shoved down a set of concrete stairs, you were slammed into sports, tutoring, after school clubs, community service, multiple language classes. The list just seemed to go on and on.

Though, you weren’t all that different from many of your classmates. All of them were breaking their backs in order to appeal to their parents and society's standards. Hell… and people wondered why Japan had one of the highest suicide rates in the world.

To be fair, the only thing that kept you from going insane and losing your mind were three things in life.

The first was pretty simple. You were a third-year in high school, technically an adult in age as of two months ago, and almost done with the shithole town you called home. Though, the pressure of going to University was a fast approaching issue especially concerning your parents; hiding your numerous acceptance letters that came in the mail kept that topic away from view and mind. At least for now.

The second thing was the thing most people your age held onto during dark times. Your soulmate. While you weren’t wishy-washy with the topic like some of your peers that spent hours daydreaming about there's, you also weren’t horrified and against the idea like the others. You were in the middle, neutral in opinion, maybe drifting a bit towards wishy-washy at times.

It was likely the reassurance and the type of mark you had. There were many types ranging from average ones like tattoos and timers to more complicated ones like how you couldn’t speak if your soulmate was talking. Thankfully, you were given one of the simpler ones. When you closed your eyes, you were able to see things your soulmate experienced during the day.

You liked it.

Though that was likely because your soulmate was one crazy motherfucker. He definitely wasn’t the average law abiding citizen nor the rich successful man your parents dreamed of. But, he had… this spark. Even if your parents would never truly grow to like a man that was a delinquent part-timer in high school that got into too many fights, you would always appreciate him. It was never boring closing your eyes to tune into what was going on in his life.

It was something you craved. Like a child walking by a candy shop as it was eating a gross vegetable, it appealed to you.

However, you couldn’t help but feel your gut wrench whenever you tuned out of your soulmate's world. Compared to his, yours was so… boring. And if there was one thing you knew about your soulmate, he hated being bored.

…

…Fuck.

…

Finally, the third thing you clung to… was rather odd.

Baseball.

Not Softball–though you did start off there and it was pretty good as well–you loved baseball. Only baseball.

It reminded you of peaceful times. When you visited the countryside to see your grandparents, your grandfather used to play catch in the backyard with you. He loved baseball just like you. Playing in a club team in town far into his late-adulthood until his joints couldn’t take it anymore. Something your father hated, how his father could have been much more successful if he hadn’t taken to the peaceful and calming life. A money-hungry pig, that's what your father was. Your mother close behind him in the trait as well.

That was likely what got you in arguments with your father so much later on in life. Especially when you joined the Boys Baseball team in High School. You would have been more than fine joining a softball team or girl’s baseball team but they had neither at the school you went to (likely a thing your parents planned for when they transferred you there now that you thought about it two years later) so you went with the only option.

You were the first girl in the history of your academy to join the school’s baseball team. It wasn’t against the rules in the High school league to have a female player and you had one hell of a swing so your coaches begrudgingly couldn’t give up the opportunity to not let you on.

You were pretty popular as well in the league. Earning yourself quite the fan base as High School baseball is quite popular in Japan. Even hearing some rumors that you might be picked up by—

All of a sudden the feeling of a warm breath blowing against the shell of your ear causes you to flinch. Opening your eyes and taking out one of your earbuds, you turn to look at the two smirking first-years next to you. While annoying, Kenji and Sota were two boys on the team you could call friends. Even though they got into trouble more often than not.

“Stalking your soulmate again?” Kenji teases, making you roll your eyes. Though this only makes his smirk wider, “Anything interesting? Like…”

Upon seeing his wiggling eyebrows and the inappropriate hand gesture he makes, you don’t hesitate in punching his shoulder. Hard.

Though that only causes him to bump into Sota, making the blonde-haired boy fall off his bus seat at the end and into the aisle, and for Kenji to let out a loud cackle of a laugh as he lays across both seats. Very loud. Catching the attention of two second years sitting in front of you; Ren and Keita.

While Ren looks amused at the scene behind him as he watches from the crack in between the seats, Keita is rather not. Being the serious and intense pitcher he was, he grumbles about you guys distracting him from his pregame meditation and turns back around.

If you haven’t given enough of them today already, you roll your eyes once more at the chaos and stupidity surrounding you. Especially as Sota kicks Kenji in the stomach, making the boys begin to wrestle in the aisle of the bus as it continues driving down the highway. All the while you overhear your Coaches begin to yell at them and the rest of the student body begin to make group bets of who will win.

Suddenly the call of your name snaps you away from your first year friends brawling in the aisle, “You aren’t getting nervous on us, are you?”

You scoff as you look behind you at your fellow third year–Ryo–one of your captains and one of the few in your year that respected you on the team.

“Never.” You answer simply, using the available seats to put your legs up and lean against the glass window of the bus.

“Even though you are facing Oya High School for the first time?” Ryo says, raising an eyebrow in amusement. To be fair, your team traveled a long way to face Oya once every season for three games; an 4 day grueling excursion that allowed you to be excused from classes. Though while it was fun to skip classes, the game itself wasn’t. It was well known in every school, no matter the prefecture, for it to be brutal to face Oya in any sport as they never played fair; more interested in fights breaking out on the field than the actual game at play. You missed it your first year as you got a bad cold when it was time to travel for the game and there weren’t any games facing them in your second year due to the fact your pitcher was sent to the hospital the previous year. So, as a third-year, this would be your first time facing them.

You couldn’t help but wonder how that would go. A girl on a boys baseball team facing off against the brutal Oya High.

“Holy shit look at this place!”

All of your peers who were previously chattering excitedly amongst each other had suddenly grown eerily silent. As you turn around to face the window behind you, you suddenly understand why. You had entered into S.W.O.R.D territory and it was… well it was something. You would like to say it was something you had never seen before but…well, that would be a big fat lie. It was all too familiar to you and you knew exactly as to why.

Shit.

You feel an anxious lump settle in your stomach as your bus comes to a screeching stop in front of the infamous Oya High School.

Holy fucking shit.

It was an odd feeling looking at this school as you knew its layout like the back of your hand even though this was your first time physically being here.

“Oh my god.” You overhear one of the first years mutter nervously as the school in front of you–which looked deserted before–practically erupts. What looks like students begin to come from out of the concrete graffiti building. All yelling and screaming at you guys. Some students start throwing items at your bus from above while other, more adventurous ones, begin to come up to your bus. Banging on the windows or shaking the large metal vehicle.

It was freaking terrifying. Though fascinating. Especially as you actually recognize a part-timer banging and pointing at a terrified second-year. Someone who you know from looking in your soulmate's eyes enjoyed cooking for his friends at the local Ramen shop his grandmother owned. Making him seem all bark, no bite to you now.

“Senpai,” Sota squeaks out as he watches as you get up from your seat from his spot on the aisle floor, beginning to take down your sports bag from the overhead storage as if unaware of the chaos breaking out outside, “What… What are you doing?”

Unable to stop yourself, you let a small smug grin spread to your face as you look down at him as you shrug on your bag, “I’m getting off, it's been a long bus ride and my legs kill.”

As the first-year sputters, you make your way past him and to the front. The terrified bus driver looks at you confused before you gesture to the doors, signaling him to open them. He chokes on his words in pure shock and you can’t but shake your head and sigh as he continues to sputter inconherently. Reaching over you press the button to release the pressure off the bus doors and watch as they swing open.

Like wolves to a bleeding lamb, two large full-timers appear in front of the waiting doors. Seeming to want to climb in to cause some chaos but stop short once they see who was in front of them. A girl in the opposing team's boy’s baseball uniform.

“Hello,” you greet the two, not quite recognizing them from the link, as you proceed to get off the bus. Once you take the last step off and your feet touch the concrete ground, the doors behind you very quickly slam close.

Slowly, you look behind you to the terrified and horrified filled looks of your team inside. Most thinking you had likely gone insane.

“Hey.”

Suddenly, your shirt is grabbed and you feel yourself lifted off the ground until your toes are just skimming the surface of the concrete.

“Is this some sort of joke?”

Now, you would be lying if you weren’t just a bit terrified. Especially as more full- and part-timers begin to come up to you. All seeming to be interested to see what was your deal.

Though, you knew what to do. After all, your soulmate dealt with these assholes every day. You knew some of them like the back of your hand and the others you could assume probably had short fuses.

“Nope.” You say out, looking around at the other guys around you, “Just curious as to where the field is.”

“Huh?” One of them starts, though he is quickly stopped by another student from approaching you closer.

“The direction of the baseball field? Is it out back?” You mumble some more, using the guy's fist that was holding you up as leverage as you attempt to look as if you were peeking behind him, “I should probably get started warming up if we want a good game.”

As you stop speaking, it’s suddenly silent from the group around you before all of a sudden a part-timer next to you breaks out laughing. He slaps his knee once, then a second time, and finally wipes his eye as if a tear slipped out. The action causing some of the others to be rather amused.

“All right that's enough, Kou.” The part-timer says, shoving the guy holding you in the chest, making you fall from his grasps. Thankfully landing right on your feet safely.

“But–” The student goes to rebut but all it takes is a glare from some of his seniors and he falls quiet.

The heavy weight of the part-timer’s arm falls across your shoulder and he begins to lead you away from the group. Some grumble in annoyance for a moment until they hear the sound of an alarm breaking out. From the upcoming sounds of girlish sounding screams, you guessed one of the Oya students was able to get an emergency window to open from the outside.

“Hey, Kid.” A second part-timer calls out from your other side. One you recognized very much as you turned to look at him. Furuya; A close friend of your soulmate. “You got a good swing?”

He grabs one of your bats from the side of your bag, examining it. Seemingly interested in the overly expensive bats your parents (for while they hate the sport) forcibly had given you so you don’t appear poor or lesser than the other students on your team.

“You bet,” You say with a grin, turning to look in front of you as students continue to scream at you. Calling you all sorts of names and making gestures as if they want you to fight them, “It’s why I made the team.”

“Really?” He says, unimpressed and bored as he lifts an eyebrow at you.

Though that doesn’t faze you in the slightest as your smile only gets bigger at the challenge in front of you. Adrenaline practically pumping through your veins at your next words.

“Let's make a bet then,” You start, gaining the attention from not only him and the one around your shoulder but the other part-timers that followed close behind. Quickly catching up in interest, “If I get a strike out at any time during this first game, you can have my bats.”

“Both of them?” Furuya asks, twirling the first in his hand before grabbing the second on your other side to see. A different model but just as expensive. An entertained and amused grin on his lips as he seems excited at the prospect.

“Sure, I’m willing to risk it.”

“Hey, Hey.” The part-timer around your shoulder chimes in, seeming not to want to be left out, “What about me?”

“Well, what do you want?” You start, seeming nonchalant as the male looks you up and down quickly. Upon the second take, something catches his eye.

“That watch. That's the upcoming model right?” He says, taking his free hand to touch your smart watch. A model that wasn’t even on the market yet, but your father had somehow gotten ahold of and had given to you due to your grades this past semester.

“Yes,” You answer, bringing your wrist up higher so as to allow the male to look.

“I want that.” He says, the after smell of smoke from his breath wafting on your face as he grinned excitedly down at the object.

“Same bet?”

He nods excitedly in response and you bring your hand out, shaking it with his to signal the bet was confirmed.

Soon more part-timers begin to chime in, all interested in the chance of possibly owning one of the items you had on your appearance. One even pressing up close behind you suddenly, causing you to come to a screeching halt, to see if you two had the same shoe size.

“You a 26?” He asks as he squints down at the slightly beat up pair of blue shoes you were wearing.

“25.5”

“Shit.”

“But, I think the pair I have in my bag are 26. They were a little big–”

Without another word, you hear the sound of your bag opening up. Okay, maybe you bit off more than you could chew. Especially as suddenly more part-timers and even some full-timers approach, the others telling them about the betting situation that was currently happening.

“Hey. Hey! Hey!”

Everyone came to a screeching halt as someone’s angry voice echoed across the crowd. The crowd of students seemed to break apart like the sea as this boy came through.

Shaggy black hair with a blue bandana; a black tight tank covered by a blue checkered flannel and an intricate blue and white baseball jacket; and a pair of ripped blue jeans. This boy…

“What did I tell you guys?” He asks, a blank expression on his face as he looks amongst the crowd of his peers. However as everyone stays silent, he repeats again this time slightly more aggressively, “What did I fucking say?”

He picks up a can and throws it across the yard in frustration as he looks around. Very much annoyed with his classmates.

This boy…

“We agreed I would go out to greet the team! Go…” He crouches down and then jumps up with a big leap with his arms up, “Ja Jang! And then everyone would come out and do their thing! I told you guys this!”

This boy…

…you have absolutely no damn clue who he is.

It might have been a good time to realize that one of the major flaws of your soulmate mark is you can’t see the face of your soulmate, hear their voice nor get any indication of their name while gazing through their view.

So, while to you, there are plenty of boys here who could be your soulmate but, to him, there was only one girl on the entirety of the incoming baseball team that could be his.

“Hey. Hey.” The boy barks out once more, seeming to finally notice your group. As he makes his way over he shoos the boys away as if they were flies. The more tougher ones that wouldn’t easily let go and part from your stuff, he kicked them in the side or kneecap. Forcibly making them scatter in fear. All the while cursing them out under his breath, “Fucking Assholes.”

“Ah—“ You are caught off guard as the boy, now likely older than you now that you see him up close, suddenly puts all your stuff back in its places in your bag, zips it up and finally grabs your shoulders from behind. Beginning to steer you away from the crowd around.

“Okay, resume.” is all he says as he continues to wobble his way through the crowd with you as if he didn’t completely disrupt everything.

Though that wouldn’t settle for one person.

“Murayama!”

“Not now Todoroki-Chan,” The male yells back nonchalantly as a man with glasses, one you recognize quite well, begins to follow after you two. However, before Todoroki can say something once more, Murayama brings you inside the building and shuts the door in the other’s face. Locking the door before sticking his tongue out and continuing his way as the full-timer begins to pound on the door. This time taking you by the hand instead of your shoulders now that you two were alone in the hallways.

“Wha—“

As if nothing had happened, the loud yelling and chaos resumes from outside. Echoing throughout the halls of the concrete building, making you wince at the volume. Though you quickly unfocus from the noise as you notice your surroundings. Eerily knowing exactly where you were going in these chaotic halls of Oya.

“The gym?” You can’t help but mumble, “You’re taking me to the gym?”

Was that where your soulmate was? He did seem to hang out there a lot from what you saw in his view. Was this guy one of his friends? Or maybe a rival?

You quickly cross that thought out from your mind as quickly as it came. You would have seen the male in front of you known as Murayama before. So, he was of no acquaintance with your soulmate.

“Oh? You know this place pretty well.” Murayama says as he leans down to look you in the eyes as he begins to walk backwards into the gym. Seeming smug about what he was saying as he tucks his hands in his jacket pockets.

“Ah…” Your voice trails off as you notice no one else was in the gym right now except the two of you, “Just a lucky guess.”

“Really?”

You nod your head stiffly as the man stares at you in disbelief and maybe a bit of annoyance before suddenly approaching you once more.

“Hey!”

You grit your teeth as you are once again grabbed by the wrist and led forward. Now this guy was beginning to piss you off. You weren’t some sort of dog on a leash that he can drag around as he pleased.

“If I bring you up here—“

Perhaps your next choice wasn’t the best one. Quickly pulling your wrist out of his grip, you watch as the Marayama turns his head around to look back at you in confusion. However, as he does so, not even allowing him to say anything or even turn his body around fully, you sock him right in the cheek.

Now you weren’t by any means a fighter. Not at all. That was likely your first ever punch outside of play fighting with the annoying underclassmen on the team when they got on your nerves.

So, maybe punching a guy from Oya High wasn’t the best choice.

But… you couldn’t help yourself. You blame your soulmate for your decision on this.

“Whoa…” The boy lets out a low whistle as he begins to stand back up to his full height. Rubbing the skin of his cheek, you could already see a bruise begin to form. Likely the only reason your swing was so hard was because of your experience as a batter. “That was one hell of a hit.”

As he playful and lazily starts hitting his cheek on the other side, you feel the urge to hit him once more.

So you do.

“Mmm…” As he stumbles back for a moment, he appears to think, “your left needs a little work.”

“Oh shut—“ As you go to punch him again, the man easily grabs your wrist, pushing it away and while grabbing you by the shoulders, knees you in the stomach. Though, it hardly hurts you at all and doesn’t even make you fully wince. The action nothing more than a playful act kids would do while rough housing.

“Come on. Come on.” The boy playfully calls out as he laughs and bounces between each of his feet, his hands gesturing for you to come at him.

This mother—

Not even hesitating, you shrug off your backpack, allowing it to fall to the ground in a loud thud and quickly coming at him.

Though as you swing and even attempt to kick the guy, your hits landing only a couple of times as you weren’t that accurate, Murayama at most shoves or playfully attempts to punch you. Stopping his fist short of even coming in contact with you.

“Stop fucking with me!” You finally snap out, suddenly grabbing the boy by the collar and tackling him to the ground.

As your fighting transpires to only wrestling and rolling on the ground, you begin to grow tired. Your body, not used to the excursion of fighting, already begins to feel sore as muscles you had never known about are being used for this fight.

Your fight finally comes to an anti-climatic end as you no longer have the strength to kick nor shove the male off of you. You yell out in annoyance as he cheers. Playfully celebrating as he sits on top of you, trapping you underneath him.

“Fuck…” You murmur, briefly closing your eyes in frustration. However as you do so, you flinch as you see yourself punch yourself across the cheek.

Wait, yourself?

You snap your eyes open as it suddenly hits you. That wasn’t yourself, that was you hitting your soulmate.

“You— You—“ You begin to sputter as you lean up onto your elbows to gaze at the man on top of you, “You're my soulmate?”

“Huh?” He says, caught off guard by your question, “I’m hurt. You don’t recognize this face?”

As he gestures in what you guess was supposed to be a “kawaii" way to his bruised and busted face, you can’t help but reach up and pull at his nose in annoyance.

“Ow, Ow.” He curses as he tries to escape your grasps.

“You know very well that's not how our bond works, idiot.”

As Murayama finally escapes, he rubs the edge of his nose, “Yeah but–”

He gestures to the rest of him, “You must recognize all of this.”

Sadly, the gesture wasn’t all that innocent as you see the slight wiggle of his eyebrows as he gestures to the lower part of him. You really wanted to punch him again if it weren’t for the fact your knuckles hurt so badly, “freaking pervert.”

“We all have needs– Ah.” Murayama suddenly stops short once he realizes something, “I don’t even know your name.”

“Yeah you don’t, Mur.a.ya.ma.” You say, purposely pronouncing each character of his name.

“Well,” Murayama grins as he finally gets off of you and sits crossed legged in front of you patiently as you fully sit up as well. He reaches out his hands and takes one of yours, shaking it, “Murayama Yoshiki. I’m 22 so I’m probably your senior, right?”

“Yeah, you are… Senpai. I’m 18 right now,” You let out, a little awkwardly as the man bows slightly to you and you return it back. Telling him your name as well.

“Oh, drop the horrifics, it’s a pain in the ass. You are counted as an adult now anyways,” You nod your head, understanding he was talking about the legal adult age in Japan being changed from 20 to 18 this past April, “Lucky! I had to wait two more years than you before I could be considered one.”

You nod your head once more. Allowing silence to overtake you two. You didn’t expect your first meeting with your soulmate to go like this. It was pretty awkward. Though, you weren’t quite sure what to say. You two didn’t really have much in common. He was an adventurous, rebellious guy and you were a boring student. Hell, you weren’t even sure if he liked baseball.

“Ah– Sorry.” You finally speak up, a bit shy as you slip your hand out from his grasps, bowing slightly, “It must have been a bit boring watching me at times.”

“Huh? Wha—“ You are caught off guard as he cranes his neck to look at your face while you are bowing. Instantly making you sit back up as he got too close for your liking, “Boring? Boring?”

“Ah. Yes.” You hummed, caught off guard by his loud question and bewildered expression.

“Hey.” Murayama says. Suddenly serious as he slaps your shoulder, “You aren’t boring.”

“I’m… not?”

“No. No. No way.” He says, a blank look on his face, “you are always doing something. Hmmm, A bit too much at times actually.”

“But…” You are a bit taken aback by his statement, “It’s nothing really exciting.”

“No. No.” Murayama denies, seeming to think for a moment, “hmm… ah! Your English classes! You do a lot of those. I would have failed and retaken a class if it weren’t for you.”

“Yeah, but that’s not fun,” You rebut instantly, huffing in annoyance as he tries to make you feel better about your boring life.

“Well,” He gets on his feet and crouches down in front of you, “what do you consider fun?”

“Ah—“ You pause for a brief moment before answering, “Baseball.”

“Ah… Hmm.” You watch with amusement as suddenly Murayama gets up and walks away. In a couple of minutes, he places four traffic cones around the area to what you believe are meant to represent bases and a pile of rags in the middle to be the pitchers mound. He gets on the mound and points at you with a baseball in hand.

“Visualize it.” He says blankly before suddenly getting loud, almost like an announcer, with his next words, “Bottom of the 12th and the lovely, most tremendous, earth shatteringly gorgeous–”

“Okay, just get to it, lover boy.” You scoff, grabbing your bat from your bag and rolling your eyes at Murayama. Deciding to play along with his antics. Though he only blows you a kiss in response.

“--is up to bat. With her team one point behind and two outs, will. She. Do. This?”

You roll your eyes but follow along by standing on home plate and get ready to be up to bat. All the while Murayama pretends to be the fans in the crowd by screaming your name.

As you lift an eyebrow at him and get ready, Murayama responds by sending you a wink and pitching. Technically, you could have easily hit a homerun with Murayama’s pitch. He was a good pitcher but not as fast as the guys you practiced with everyday.

But, that wouldn’t have been as fun.

“Ah and she bunts it!” Murayama screams as he sees you tap it with your bat and run. Quickly scrambling off the mound to grab it. As you whisk by first base, you hear his hammering footsteps behind you.

“First! Second! Third! Can she make it home?” You hear him yell behind you as you see homebase just in sight. Almost tasting victory.

However, just as you take a step to go skid into the cone, you feel two arms slink over your waist. Making you squeal as you are picked up and Murayama crashes you two in a pile of soda and beer cans nearby. Him on the bottom to make sure you don’t land on the ground with a thud.

As you laugh out loud, he continues his commentary, “Oh my god! A major upset has taken place! The best batter on the team is stop by–”

He stands up and screams to the sky, “Murayama Yoshiki from Oya High! The best fighter and pitcher to ever exist!”

Your stomach begins to hurt from laughter as you watch in bewilderment at the man in front of you who begins to pose and wave as if a crowd was there.

“And what does the loser have to say about this?” He asks, sticking out his hand as if he was holding the microphone.

“Hmmm…” You pause and think for a moment. That is until an idea suddenly pops into mind, “I would agree. He’s pretty great.”

“Oh? Complimenting the enemy now are we?”

“Yeah, I mean he is a good fighter, the best at Oya High.”

Murayama takes a seat in front of you with a grin, your knees slightly touching, “yeah?”

“And, he has a good pitch. A bit of a handsome fella as well”

“Hah? A bit?” He exaggerates, acting hurt. Popping up onto his toes as he comes closer to stare at you. A bit of a pout forming on his blank face.

“Okay, okay.” You give a playful shove to his chest, almost making Murayama fall over backwards though he catches himself as he swings his arms to stay balanced, “Maybe more than a bit.”

As Murayama gives up on catching himself and falls onto his behind, sending you a glare.

“Okay. He’s very handsome.” You finally admit with a laugh as you slightly slide forward so your legs are on either side of his bent knees. Allowing you to wrap your arms around his legs and rest chin on his knees as you look at him, “I’m very lucky to have Murayama Yoshiki, Part-timer and an amazing fighter, from Oya High as my soulmate.”

“Ah. You sap.” He says as he sits up, bringing up a hand to lightly mess with your hair. As you slap it away with a small giggle, the male extends his legs, sliding them under yours so your thighs are practically resting on top of his. You let out a relaxing sigh as Murayama wraps his arms around your shoulders and rests his chin on top of your head, “I guess I am pretty amazing–”

“Murayama!”

The blank expression on Murayama’s face returns as the part-timers begin to slowly flood the gym. Some taking seats by areas in the rumble, not sparing you a glance, while others stare at you while they pass. To which Murayama quickly unwraps from you to throw a can in their direction to get them to knock it off with the stares.

“You guys couldn’t have taken longer?” Murayama says with a sigh. Falling backward so he was laying down as Furuya and Seki approached him.

“The cowards drove off the first chance they got,” Furuya responds, taking a seat on a broken chair nearby. Though as soon as he notices you, he turns his attention away from Murayama, “So, about those bats…”

“Hey.” Before you can even respond, Murayama is quickly on his case. Actually he was on the whole rooms’ case. “Announcement! Hey! Everyone listen up.”

As he stands up and claps his hand to grab everyone’s attention, he makes his way to the top of the pile of rumble nearby. Getting the high ground so everyone was watching him.

“See this.” You can’t help but scoff as he points at you, “This is mine. You touch it,”

He sticks a finger out and drags it across everyone in the room while staring them in the eyes, “I’ll break your fucking face in.”

Silence falls upon the room at Murayama’s words. However, it doesn’t last very long before Seki says something.

“Ah, Murayama-Sama found his before me! Now I'm all alone.” Seki yells, falling to his knees in what looked like despair.

“Hey, Hey, what in the world are you going on about,” Furuya starts, hitting the male in the back of the head, “Murayama is the only one to find his soulmate out of this bunch. You’re acting like you’ll be forced to be the third wheel.”

“Yeah but hanging out with you guys…”

“Hey. Hey. What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

As Furuya and a couple of other part-timers begin to shove Seki, you watch as Murayama gets down from the rubble. Nearly tripping along the way before stopping in front of you.

With a slight smirk on his face, Murayama sticks out his hand to you and, as soon as you hear the first slap of a punch go off in the background when you interlocked your hand in his…

…you knew your life would never be boring again. Ever.

Especially if Murayama had any say in it.

#high and low #high & low #high&low #high&low the story of sword #high and low fic #murayama yoshiki #murayama x reader #high and low murayama #high and low x reader #soulmate au #h&l

252 notes · View notes

kommikoira · 6 days

Text

2024_06_06 // love: complicated, all-encompassing, necessary

happy pride month to every queer person out there and shinji's birthday also to every queer person. today i will take on the sisyphean task of explaining love to some degree, as it's veen affecting me greatly lately.

so. love. i believe love comes in many different types- all of which show themselves in various forms. first and foremost you have the obvious ones, platonic, self, and romantic love which many people experience to some degree in their lives. these things affect everybody differently, especially when intimacy, sex, ace-spec, limerance and come into the equation. then there is the love that you can experience from the world and all things within it and the love some have in return for all things, which i will call divine love and universal love.

as this is my blog, i will mainly be touching on my own experiences with these things and how they have affected, shaped, and impacted me. to begin with, i would say that i am a person who is filled with love, there is so much love within me, particularly platonic and universal love. so much so that i find myself overwhelmed by it in my daily life (so you can imagine how i feel on mushrooms). i crave nothing more than to craft a perfect world for myself and those around me and would be willing to martyr myself immediately if it meant i could foster a process by which humanity and life could be saved from itself and the pain that too often characterizes it. i care for those close to me unyieldingly, willing to do absolutely whatever i can to ensure they have comfortable lives and grow into people they can love, yet i cannot express all of this as quickly as it fills me, especially with my schizoid personality disorder, leaving me in a place where i have to resign to pray that i hopefully express this adequately and frequently enough so that others may understand.

self-love is something I have never had a problem with, however younger, previous iterations of me have definitely had problems with it, and i have seen many struggle themselves with such things, which pains me to a degree as i wish they could simply see how great they are or could be. often, it is simply a matter of needing to grow and wanting to see for themselves that leads to the realization in most, in my experience and observations.

now, it's time for the one i struggle with the most.

i would consider myself on the aromantic spectrum to a degree, but not for the reasons you may think. the person I am is one who is extremely in-tune with themselves to a degree of being basically unaffected by many things and able to personify and practice my principles to a level i haven't seen from too many others, but much of that comes from experience. one thing i lack experience in is romantic love, which leads my mind to immediately have a disadvantage at navigating it, and with such heavy consequences on the line, it isn't something i am too privy to work at through trial-and-error. the next reason is a result of my autism and schizoid personality disorder. both things as well as just the person i am make me both not particularly inclined to give constant affirmation or physical affection or even attention, all of which can be problematic in a romantic relationship in my observation. both of these things culminate into a desire to avoid romance and romantic attraction, which i have openly expressed, so all is fine then, yes? no. the problem is no matter how hard i fucking try, i cannot purge this love type from my mind and heart. every single iteration of me other than one has tried to a degree and nothing has worked, only reduced it, which leads to an annoying problem of mine.

emotions of mine that are too specific, complex, and difficult to describe i compartmentalize under a distinct noun. for example, i have The Dictator, the King of the Graveyard, the Esher, the Evereffervescence, and the topic of this discussion- the Weeping Cardinal. the Weeping Cardinal, in the easiest way i could describe it, is effectively a paradoxical yearing and negative reinforcement loop that my brain can fall into, exemplifying one of my catch 22s in regards to romantic love. i am in pain because i do not and cannot have that sort of love becauses me to be in pain. the feeling is a disgusting yearning yet something so beautiful and human within me.

speaking of human, my inhumanity has a part to play in this mess as well, as because of it i have effectively convinced myself i am not ever capable of doing romantic love healthily and properly. my inhumanity is not just from my therianthropy is why this is.

now, for that second catch 22. when my mind makes the mistake of falling in love with somebody, i do not act normally toward them, as i find it harder to regulate myself as i often do in the face of such strong and specific attraction, therefore i begin to fear that the integrity of the friendship may be at stake, but then if such a love for some reason progressed, i would be now in a relationship that is obviously doomed to fail for the previously mentioned reasons i said before, leaving me with my second catch 22. if i don't do the relationship, the friendship will be jeopardized, and if i do, then the friendship will be jeopardized.

and now you know why i don't do romance in the best way i can explain. welcome to my love dilemmas. i want to give the world to my friends but i do not have the means to do so, i want to save the world but i may not be able to, and i yearn for romance but know i could never do it, so i shut myself off from it.

this post isn't meant to be negative, as i hope the first half really exemplified just how much love is in my heart and how much i love you, yes You! even if you're somebody i haven't met yet or somebody i want gone permanently from my life, i love you a lot and hope you can return the favor by loving those around you just as unconditionally.

happy pride month :)

#blog post #pride month #aromantic #divine love #universal love #unconditional love #i love you #yes #you reading the tags #hope this shed some light into my weird broken beautiful mind #or at least that's how i see it

2 notes · View notes

nagisadelune · 1 year

Text

Headcanon: Luke as Your Tutor (Part 1)

(Definitely not edited)

Time for another headcanon! As much as I want to imagine this one in the real universe for Tears of Themis, this one is going to need to be its own little AU, so here we go!

For the timeline, imagine that you are in high school with Luke and Rosa. Let's just set the age to around 16, and assume that Luke hasn't left yet.

⭐⭐⭐

"UGH!" The loud crash of your head on the table surprises Luke and Rosa who stare at you. With finals coming up, you know that studying is your first priority, but nothing seems to be sticking in your head. Even with the water and snacks in the library, you still can't seem to understand the topics on your notebook. Rosa peers over you to take a glimpse at what you were reviewing this time.

"Physics?" she questions, noticing the various force diagrams scribbled in the lines of your notebook. You can only sigh as you nod your head a little. For some reason, you know how to do the questions in theory, but you keep getting the wrong answers because you misunderstand what the question asks for.

After lifting your head up from the desk, you begin explaining how you feel, "It's like I know how to do the questions and apply what I need, but the question asks for something different than what I expect." Understanding your frustrations, Rosa just pets your back to show her sympathy. While she tries to comfort you, Luke grabs the notebook and textbook from you to read the question.

"Yeah, I understand what you mean," Luke cuts in. "Sadly, the only way to fully understand what the questions want is by doing them over and over to practice." You sigh, knowing that he's right. Suddenly, you remember what you might've written in your notebook and carefully pull back your notebook from his grasp, trying to hide your red face.

For awhile now, you've taken interest in Luke: he is always such a sweet guy towards you and goes out of his way to make sure you're safe. Maybe it's because you're best friends with Rosa, but you find him to be extremely caring towards you. However, that's where it gets complicated; you and Rosa are always together since she takes you under her wing as her junior, and it's hard to differentiate his feelings towards you and Rosa.

Either way, you like him to the point that writing his name in the corner of the paper helps you calm down and focus on your thoughts while working on homework or a test. Because of this, you forget that his name is written in the corner of a couple pages in the midst of your frustration; the only thing you can do is hope that he doesn't notice it.

To hide your red face, you prop your elbow on the table and hold your temples with your thumb and middle finger. Hopefully, this seems natural to the two people who are worriedly looking at you. You start getting ready to attempt another question from the textbook when you hear Luke speak up from in front of you.

"We can tutor you if you want," he quietly offers. You look up from your paper to see Rosa nodding happily.

"Yeah, I think that it must have to do with the wording of the questions since I know a lot of people who didn't understand it until someone explained it," Rosa explains with a smile on her face. "Trust me, I was one of those people before Luke explained it to me last year." I glance at him and notice his ears turning red from her compliment.

"I'll be back," Luke awkwardly coughs out before quickly escaping the room. While he leaves, his cheeks are already starting to turn red. Your heart sinks thinking that he might actually like Rosa, but you hide it to avoid any conflicts. You watch his figure become smaller before eventually turning back to Rosa who has a mysterious smile growing on her face.

"My beloved junior, you have someone you like, don't you?" she playfully asks, lightly pushing your shoulder.

Immediately, you start panicking, "M-me? No. No way. No one I like. I don't like anyone. I mean who would I-"

"Y/N, your face is so red now," Rosa cut me off. "As your senior, you know you don't have to lie to me." You immediately want to hide since she read you so easily. You can only nod slightly and not make any eye contact before you feel a hand softly pat your head. "No need to be shy. It's normal to have someone you like," she comforts you in a soft tone.

"Was I too obvious?" you mumble, trying to hide your face from her. You were definitely not expecting Rose to notice your little crush towards her friend.

"Not at all," she responds. "In fact, I think I'm the only one who would know." A small weight seemed to come off of your chest when she explains the situation. "So what do you like about Luke?" Rosa suddenly asks. In an instant, you feel your heart beating out of your chest and the blood rising into your cheeks. Before you can even stutter out an answer, Rosa looks at you shocked and questions almost too loudly, "You like him that much!?"

"Rosa, please don't expose me that much!" you exclaim before covering her mouth and looking around the library. Luckily, there aren't many students in the library since today is Friday, but you prepare yourself for making apologies to the other students there. You also don't know if Luke is nearby, and you hope that you never have to find out his reaction to what she just said.

"Sorry, sorry," Rosa starts apologizing in a hushed tone, pulling your hands down from her mouth. "Why didn't you ever tell me that you liked him though?" You can only look down at your twiddling fingers as you try to form an answer.

"I felt like he liked you, and I didn't want to make anything awkward between the three of us," you murmur, picking at the dirt underneath your nails. "I don't want to ruin any relationships with you guys because I'm pretty happy where we are as a group." You have to stop yourself short to make sure you weren't rambling to your busy senior, but when she doesn't respond, you look up to see her soft smile.

"You wouldn't have ruined anything no matter what. Even if he liked me or you, you're allowed to have your feelings," Rosa softly speaks in an attempt to calm your nerves. "Plus, do you really think I would resent you or something for liking my childhood best friend?" You could only shrug to her question as you contemplate what would have happened in a different universe.

"Do you think he even likes me in any way? Even as a friend is fine," you ask her, embarrassed to be asking such a question. You can hear Rosa stifle a small laugh before she tries to respond to you.

"I think he at least doesn't mind being near you," Rosa answers after calming herself. "If he really couldn't stand you, why would he be here with all three of us?" You automatically think of an answer, but you keep it to yourself knowing that Rosa could easily refute your statement in an instant. Slowly, you shake your head no, and Rosa squeezes your hands. "Trust me when I say this: just be yourself around Luke. Either way, he will care about you," she whispers to encourage you. You can only nod before you hear Luke hurrying back.

"Are you guys okay?" he asks concerned, looking between you two. He seems to be sweating a little bit while carrying a plastic bag. His hair sticks a little to his forehead as he tries to wipe the sweat away, and you have to mentally tell yourself to stop staring before it becomes too obvious.

"We're okay," Rosa answers on our behalf. "Our little junior was just getting stressed about that physics final she has coming up, but I should be able to help her." She makes a little lie up to cover for your confession to her. Seemingly understanding the situation, Luke nods before setting the bag down on the table.

"Well maybe it was a good thing that I ran down to the convenience store for some snacks," Luke sighs in relief, revealing the various chips and candy he bought from the nearby store.

"Senior, why so many snacks though?" you question, picking up a packet of gummy bears. You raise your eyes to meet his, but you freeze as his eyes are deeply looking into yours. For a moment, time stops, and you can only hear your heartbeat and barely feel your breaths.

"Our favorite junior deserves some snacks for working so hard," his clear voice rings in your ears as it seems like you two are in your own world. His soft smile seems to radiate the warmth of sunlight, and your body warms from the inside. You clear your throat before looking back at the candy packet in your hand.

"Thank you," your shy voice thanks him, your eyes not able to meet his anymore. You can barely hear him respond back before you open the packet and try to distract yourself from what just happened. Snacking on one gummy, you focus your eyes on the notebook in front of you. However, your mind can't seem to focus on your work, distracted by a certain someone in front of you. While your hand instinctively reaches for the corner of the page, you have to stop yourself because it would be way too awkward to explain what you are writing.

As if on time, Rose suddenly stands up from the desk and starts freaking out, "I totally forgot I have to get back home and help Granny down the street with dinner!" Luke and I look at her shocked; she's never late to help Granny with dinner. "I have to run back right now. Luke, can you tutor and walk Y/N home when you guys are done studying?" Rosa quickly asks as she stuffs her thin jacket and study materials into her backpack. You help her gather her items to speed up the process.

"Yes, don't worry about us," Luke reassures her. "Just get going before Granny gets too worried about you." You see her barely nod as she slings her backpack over her shoulder and leaves the library. Watching her diminishing figure disappearing down the stairs, you can only sigh at the timing.

"I've never seen Rosa run like that or be late," you comment out loud, noticing her uncharacteristic behavior.

"You're right about that," Luke agrees as he peers behind himself for a second before setting his eyes back on you. When you look back at him, you feel frozen seeing him watch you. In the panic, you don't realize it, but she just set you up with Luke. When you realize it, you feel your heart racing and your mind wandering. The vibration from your phone pulls you away as you look at the text message from Rosa: "Good luck."

⭐⭐⭐

Okay, so this is way longer than I thought. I'm going to be making this a two-part headcanon, so you can enjoy the amount of fluff and not-angst this story has. Either way, I hope you liked it! See you in the next one!

Next: Luke as Your Tutor (Part 2)

#tears of themis #tears of themis luke #luke pearce #tears of themis x y/n #prose #luke fluff #tot luke #xia yan #tot xia yan #luke x you #fanfiction #fanfic #luke headcanons

20 notes · View notes

sapphos-darlings · 11 months

Note

i think i might be both lesbian and ftm (definitely homosexual, female, dysphoric, have considered transition for years and think it genuinely may help - its just putting the pieces together that gives me hesitation). im single, have dated a few other trans men when i identified differently, but ive never tried to date in the lesbian community. im trying to figure out how it would, i guess, work if i did transition? my current plan of "meet women & transmascs looking to date women or transmascs, tell them im a transmasc lesbian immediately, hope they understand what i mean and also mutual attraction is there" seems honest but possibly unlikely to work. am i missing something, or is it just a hard path im considering? i know one of the mods previously lived as a trans man so i was hoping you might have some experience or advice to share

Your identity, while it will sound wildly conflicting by the book, is actually not at all out there or anywhere near as rare as you'd believe. People are rarely black and white or fit into neat boxes, and transmasculine people have a long history with homosexual women. There have been, and continue to be today, butch lesbians who are taking testosterone or who have had mastectomies, and who go by male pronouns. Gender dysphoria and breaking the rules of our gendered society, in both gay and lesbian communities, has always been so prevalent that this cross-gender expression is rightfully part of our recognised cultural heritage, and one of the most rooted stereotypes associated with us. Even with the rise of transgender people's own, clearly separate rights movement, there is much more overlap in reality than these easy to identify labels would let you believe.

You, as an individual, do not have to be "lesbian" or "ftm" or "female" or "male" or "man" or "woman" in any particular way. It's up to you to express yourself, not your categories; while people instinctively assume that a label will cover all that you are, this is never the case for a person. We are so much more than these aspects of our identity.

And yes, the opposite is still true: there are gay men who date transgender women, and gay women who date transgender men. I follow plenty of trans channels to date as it's both relevant to my life now and to my history before and remains an interest, and some of these channels are for partners of trans people. One of the most common topics brought up is how to match one's identity label to the seemingly out-of-bounds relationship that is happening now, and seeing so many of them, and the unique situations of the people behind them, you come to realise that a label is not a natural fit for people, it's just something we make up to find community.

Further... beyond just exclusively gay people, we bisexuals are also here, we are plentiful, and we are absolutely wonderful. Not all of us, of course, are open to dating gender diverse people - but many others are, and we're typically quite relaxed when it comes to label complications simply because they don't challenge how we're expected to be dating, which is often a source of distress for both exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual people when confronted with a relationship that isn't quite what the handbook said it would be.

Lastly, yes, you are choosing the hard path. That's just how things are, universally, for transitioned and transitioning people, and for lesbians, and for anybody else who is not the norm in our society. There are fewer of us, we are less understood, and we have fewer people whose attraction will naturally match with us either because it isn't how they're wired or because they've never brushed up with the idea beyond a hypotethical concept. However, this doesn't mean you're doomed by any means. Just using myself as an example: I'm truly a mess when it comes to gender, both trans and not trans at the same time and which label applies to me more depends entirely on the subject and the alignment of the stars, and though it's taken its sweet time coming, I've now been in a relationship with a wonderful nonbinary/gender diverse partner for well over a year. While they may not always understand the fine details of how my identity works, that can't really be expected of anybody, even somebody using the same label as I hypotethically might. I don't understand how theirs does all of the time, either - I'd say more than they don't get mine, as my struggles are largely of the transsexual variety, more about the body than expression, and theirs are more of the gender variety, where their identity and inner perception of self reign superior to the matters of the meat. But we don't have to be fully up to date on any of that: what we have in common is much more relevant to our everyday life than the fine details of the things we don't, and at the end of the day, what we have is a gay relationship, which - while it comes with its own struggles and difficulties - still allows for an amazing variety of self-expression in gender and identity both, even within this simple overarching label and state of existing in the world.

Whatever you choose, you'll find people you match up with, and in the end, it's better to be happy with yourself than unhappy with somebody else.

#mod sade #ask #gender identity #gender expression #wlw #lgbt

10 notes · View notes

acewithwords · 1 year

Note

you're free to ignore this if you want, but what are the relationships (whether it be platonic, romantic, or familial) each of your mcs have with the characters in their respective games?

*slams down the door* HELLO I WILL NOW BE EXPOUNDING A BIT ON THE RELATIONSHIPS OF MY MCS (I'll do like a visual relationship chart when I remember)

Obey me

• Akio:

They are way closer to the brothers compared to the side characters during the 1st year of their stay in the Devildom. Eventually they do get closer to the side characters. They mainly see the newest characters in season 4 as acquaintances.

They mainly have a more familial bond with most of the brothers including Luke. They considers Luke as a little brother they never got to have. They teach him a couple of cooking tips they got from their grandparents. But they'd consider the dateables as friends.

They're very close friends with Levi since the two share a common interest in video games and Akio likes listening to him ramble.

They also are close to Solomon since they technically have a mentor-mentee relationship but they also have genuinely vibed well together even before Akio were taken in as an apprentice so they're good friends.

However, when it comes to the romance department they have a crush on Satan and Barbatos. They're just kinda nervous and unsure whether to confess or not so they don't really do anything about it.

• Ace:

For Ace, she genuinely considers nearly everyone as family but Thirteen, Raphael and Mephisto are people she's still not very close to. So she'd consider the three as like a weird family friend currently.

She sees the 7 brothers as like her weird older brothers with Lucifer being the single parent clearly.

While, Simeon is the cool uncle who Ace trusts a bit more. She sees Luke as a younger brother and they hangout a lot together. Barbatos is also the other cool uncle who Ace considers as a baking mentor. They bake a lot of things with him once Luke invited her for baking sessions with him and Barbatos when she told him that they wanted to learn how to bake as well.

Ace sees Diavolo as like a rich older cousin. She finds his presence a bit overwhelming sometimes but she enjoys hanging out with him. Meanwhile, Solomon is their weird shady uncle/teacher they're close to especially during Nightbringer.

Arcana Twilight

• Why:

Why doesn't particularly view anyone as family but she does mainly consider the guide committee as her friends. She struggles a lot with her memory so she's glad they're doing their best to help her out a lot.

She's pretty close friends with Alpheratz and enjoys sitting near him doing something else while he naps.

She also likes hanging around Spica sometimes even if they aren't super close. They usually hangout together while in the meeting room or while he does paperwork. She also occassionally hangs out with Arcky and Polkux but she couldn't really say she was particularly close to the two either.

Sirius and her have a complicated relationship? They're sort of like frenemies. They bonded a lot while painting nails and talking about the weirdest topics. She didn't expect to get close to him but the universe can be quiet strange.

Rigel is someone she doesn't really know so she can't really form a proper opinion on him. Principal schedar on the other hand is someone quite strange so she mainly just considers him as an acquaintances.

She rarely has ever felt romantic attraction to anyone but then she met Vega again and now she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't think he likes her back and only sees her as a friend. Somehow everyone else is confused about it.

Twisted Wonderland

• Thorn:

Thorn never really considered someone as Family outside of his own but now he doesn't really have anyone else but Grim and the ghosts. It's a little Ramshackle family!

He's definitely close friends with a few people in school. He likes hanging out with the firdt years especially Deuce and Ace but even if he can be a bit mischevous he's somehow also really good at not getting caught so sometimes they end up getting the brunt of the blame. He's also pretty close to Malleus. Thorn has always had a messed up sleep schedule so he ends up hanging out with Malleus for long hours throughout the night. Along with this he frequently ends up hanging out a lot with Lilia, definitely unexpected by msot but they somehow got along well after the Savannahclaw arc.

He's fascinated by a lot of the people in NRC but he wouldn't entirely say he's super close to them but he'd consider them as "friends," sure. The ones he probably doesn't entirely get along with but respect are Vil, Leona and Sebek.

Thorn works a few side jobs occassionally as a waiter the Monstro Lounge and with the rare instances of helping out Sam in his shop. He does also actually get paid as well for making or fixing up a few things surprisingly.

The teachers are people Thorn wouldn't consider being close to but he does respect them. But Crewel and Trein do have a very small a soft spot for Thorn, he's pretty hardworking and dedicated to their classes specifically but neither would ever admit it of course they don't play favoritism.

Azul is still on thin ice though...

Crushes? He doesn't know 'em sorry. That's a lie he ended up getting a crush on someone but who knows really...

And that is all I think.

#arcana twilight #obey me #obey me mc #arcana twilight mc #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland mc #twst #twst mc #I promised I'd be normal #I lied #sorry this is so long #I enjoy talking about ocs apperantly #If I did characters individually for Thorn it would have taken way longer lol #Akio's a disaster #All of them are actually #ace speaks #Found family is very strong #Please keep asking I'm willing to share more thoughts

15 notes · View notes

lunanoc · 1 year

Text

I've been feeling some type of way about the DMBJ fandom for a while now but never really publicly talked about it for a variety of reasons, mostly because I generally prefer to mind my own business and avoid conflict when possible. But as time goes on, and I come across more and more people who feel the same, or who like I did, ultimately chose to isolate themselves because it's become the only alternative, it makes me feel like it's something that needs to be said in a public space, if only for cathartic reasons, and also for other people to realize they might not be as alone as they think.

I'll preface this by saying that this isn't intended as drama, which I understand comes across a bit hypocritical given the content of this post that's more of a frustrated rant than anything else. But it's also for this reason that I don't expect anyone who's uncomfortable with these kinds of topics to engage with it. This is also not a post meant to say that I'm right, and that anyone who disagrees with my stance is wrong, because no opinion is universally shared nor objectively correct unless backed by factual evidence. That being said, civil discussions around this topic are of course welcome.

I love DMBJ, and I would never discourage anyone from getting into it or joining the fandom. I've been in it for long enough that I can safely say I've not only discovered fantastic characters and stories, but have also met equally wonderful people. However, contrary to a very pervasive misconception that part of the fandom is happy to spread as fact, the DMBJ fandom, like every other fandom, has its share of problems, and is far from being the 100% accepting and unified front some purport it to be.

All of what I'm about to say is entirely my own personal experiences and observations in certain fandom spaces, and as such, isn't meant to be a universal reflection of the fandom as a whole, nor do I pretend to be 100% objective for precisely that reason.

That being said, I think using an example of what I'm getting at is a good place to start.

There's an apparently prevalent fandom opinion that DMBJ canon is a mess of plot holes that makes absolutely no sense. In and of itself, there's nothing inherently wrong with this take, but it does serve as a great segue into illustrating my point. The problem isn't the opinion, but the WAY in which it's treated. It's a very prevalent FANON idea, and while there's nothing wrong with fanon interpretations of things either, it however DOES become a problem when that fanon interpretation is purported to be a universally accepted truth within the fandom as a whole when that most definitely isn't the case. For the record, I personally disagree with this take, and find the books (the main series especially) to be incredibly cohesive in terms of both characterization and plot. The fact a lot of the sequels are unfinished does complicate things and leave some things either unexplained or open-ended, but there's still a consistent cohesion to them despite this, especially in regard to character development and consistency.

But that's beside the actual point. What I'm getting at here is that DMBJ fandom's greatest problem is that for all certain parts of it purport it to be a chill, accepting and fun space, it's also these very same parts of it that are blind to the fact that intentionally or not, they impose what in all reality are niche opinions and effectively shut out anyone who doesn't conform to what they consider a universal truth. As far as the example I used goes, my personal opinion isn't an isolated one, but from the way these more visible parts of the fandom are happy to present it, it may as well be an egregious opinion that doesn't exist and must therefore be silenced.

This is essentially what my general experience has been with parts of the DMBJ fandom. Nothing I've ever seen has ever escalated to the proportions it tends to in most fandoms, that's true. However, I find that presenting the fandom as unified in opinion and preferences is disingenuious at best, and insidious at worst. This also goes for character and ship preferences, though again, the issue at its core isn't about either characters or ships, but rather people's behaviors regarding them. You'll for example see a certain number of people claim that the DMBJ fandom has a tendency to find interest in minor characters, or that everyone in it is a multishipper, or shares the same fixations. Again, there's nothing inherently wrong with any of these preferences. But pushing them as universal statements about the fandom at large is both untrue and in bad faith. And herein lies the heart of the problem.

The problem isn't having these preferences. It isn't talking about or indulging in these preferences in public spaces. It's the shutting out of anyone who has different ones, of people being intentionally ignored by what I've come to perceive as an incredibly cliquey environment, of justifying talking over and excluding people from discussions under the guise of acceptance and open-mindedness, never putting that behavior into question. The problem of the DMBJ fandom is that a loud portion of it has a hard time understanding that not everyone wants to be bombarded with a certain type of content or discourse despite taking no issue with the fact that other people enjoy it, and has a tendency to quietly push people out of their spaces so that they can continue to present what's essentially an isolated opinion among others as a majority one, which ultimately leads to an ironically heavily fractured fandom space.

It's unfortunate that a fandom that presents itself as accepting and open-minded resolves its 'differences' by creating an environment in which they give people no space to exist outside of an openly catered to single-mindedness that's then all the more easily purported as fact. It's frustrating for anyone who exists outside of that circle and feels intentionally ostracized.

My point isn't to say the DMBJ fandom is an awful place that no one should ever engage with. It isn't. I love the people I've met through this fandom, and they've made sticking around for the wild ride of Wu Xie and co's tomb robbing extravaganzas one of the best fandom experiences I've ever had. But I do think it's important to acknowledge that the fandom is far from a perfect one, that no fandom is devoid of problems, and that the DMBJ one has its very real issues that merit being addressed despite some suggesting they don't exist to begin with.

#rant #dmbj #daomu biji #dmbj fandom #can you tell i'm incredibly frustrated?#because i am #i really wish i didn't feel the need to say these things #and i won't be doing it again for the record #because it doesn't feel great #discourse?#discourse #i guess #feel free to add if you feel like it #like i said civil and constructive discussions are welcome #because this is the elephant in the room that needs talking about me thinks

7 notes · View notes

theotherrookie · 2 years

Text

What was that about rejecting canon and substituting it with your own?

It's a great concept but also quite the challenge when you have to imagine how anything works in a universe briefly shown through a badly animated 20 minutes cartoon episode.

Anyway, have some headcanons on the Flipside:

Let’s start from the beginning. The Flipside is meant to be a mirror world, a place where life is dead, the hunter becomes the hunted and where the spooky is good while cute is evil. Ghosts and humans are the polar opposites here but really, not everything has to translate.

First of all, the ghosts residing in the Flipside are different from anything we’re familiar with. They were never ‘alive’, they simply get spawned into existence through various means and manage to fall within the definition of ghosts.

Ghost babies exist, yes. They’re just not made that way. Don’t be boring.

Still, I don’t think there are only ghosts in the Flipside. A certain number of paranormal beings exist and have their spot in the community one way or another.

The undead, however remain a complicated topic. Some ghosts are uneasy around them, as they used to be alive, human even. Others prefer to focus on the “dead” part and take them in if they can. If you’re lucky, it’s the equivalent of taking in a cat with about the same amounts of scratched and chewed things. Maybe. Hopefully.

Still, zombies and humans have something in common: both aren’t native of the Flipside. Zombies are generally treated better, though, and their presence isn’t really brought up when discussing how messed up the dimensional veil is to let all these intruders in. Bashing on humans is just more popular.

There are plants and there are animals. Some are horrifying, others are closer to what we’re used to. But as I stated earlier, they were never alive the way we conceptualize it. If you were to bump in, say, a ghostly kitten, don’t worry. Nothing terrible happened to it to end up made of ectoplasm. Though I’d watch my hands around them, if I were you...

Finally, the civilians love whining about humans but in reality the problem is much more contained than they think. The situation is actually decently under control, if anything, and this is demonstrated by the absence of Winston's counterpart. I believe he's at least mentioned by the Peoplebusters in some old comic so yes, they too had to hire an extra pair of hands (or several pairs, who knows). He just gets a lot of time off, unlike Winston.

#Rookie's log #long post #this will most likely see a revision in the future #you can only do this much with one episode

6 notes · View notes

laurensbookshelves · 8 months

Text

Why I Create Book Content

What is content creation? According to Conductors website content creation is "the process of identifying a new topic you want to write about, deciding which form you want the content to create, formalizing your strategy, then producing it." (Bhutani, 2023). I fall under the category of being a content creator - albeit a very small one. However, that means I make and create videos or posts specifically surrounding books. Now you might be asking - "Lauren, why would you make content around books? Isn't the act of reading dying?" To which I would repsond that reading is one of the things that saved my life and countless others as well. Books allow us to be taken out of the real world and into a new one, where we can let ourselves and our imagination run wild without bearing the consequences of the characters actions. However, if you find a really good book you may get sucked in enough that the characters feelings morph into your own.

Books are one of the things that changed my life which is how I ended up in English Literature at Trent University, although that's a whole other story for another time. As a young teen girl growing up in the 2000s I was exposed to the internet at such a young age and was given such easy access to it by the time I was twelve. That exposure led me to countless Youtube videos of teenage girls who read books and shared their love of reading on the internet. Growing up I'd always imagined myself doing the same, but some complications arose because I was a slow reader, which made me insecure to share my feelings so openly towards others. In 2020 - a time we all remember well, when the pandemic broke out, I found myself scrolling for hours on Tiktok and found myself on Booktok, a very niche side of the internet that shared everyone's love of reading. I was so excited to watch people's videos on the books they'd read that month, or the special editions they had accumulated, and especially the book hauls, and I remember thinking to myself, "maybe now's you're time to give this social media thing a go." A few weeks later I created and made my first video titled "The Books I Read in October and My Ratings", a lengthy title I know... The video was most definitely out of focus in some parts and my camera work was shaky, but it ignited a new passion I didn't think I had in me. I've since then kept posting and have gained over 500 followers on Tiktok and 200 on Instagram. I've had books sent to me, and most recently I became apart of Simon and Schuster's influencer program, meaning they'll send me arcs of books not yet released in exchange for my thoughts and opinions. All of these amazing opportunities have arose because of one common factor - social media and its power.

Booktok has allowed me to connect with people over the books I enjoy, through the content I'm creating. It has permitted me to design my page to however and whatever I desire, while also making it incredibly easy to change if that aesthetic no longer fits me. Booktok in itself has had a massive impact on the sales of books but also in gaining traction to bookstores, both independently and chains. Not only has it boosted the sales, but it's also had an impact on the types of books being produced, cover designs, preferred tropes and so much more. The #Booktok in itself has been used over 183.6 billion times, and that number is going up as you read this! It has formed a community, which in turn has helped millions of authors and publishers because the platforms like Tiktok permit us the accessibility in which we can receive arcs, or form partnerships with authors and publishers. It has also led to aspiring authors or indie authors the possibility to have their work seen amongst a larger audience - all by making a minute long video talking about what your book is about.

We all hear teachers nowadays talk about how advanced technology is, and how easy it is to find resources, but what about how easy it is to create something for the world and have it instantaneously change your life. For many young people like myself social media has made that possible. In an article written by Forbes, titled, "The Power of Social Media to Capture Today's Consumer" Julie Meredith comments, "The fluid nature of social media makes it the perfect launchpad for storytelling, product launches and new initiatives" (Meredith 2022). It's clear that when it comes to businesses or people wanting create a business, social media becomes a critical option to consider because of how easy it is to promote your business or yourself. With the right hashtags and being able to understand your audience, a person can find easy success among these platforms. An added benefit to content creation, or at least it's a benefit in my eyes, is that you can create whatever you want while also providing your audience with their desires, you just need to first find your audience. That's why visuals are so important because Social media has also allowed for us to use visuals in order to draw in an audience or in building a brand which can help to inspire their audience. Because of technology we are also given real time stats on how are videos and posts are doing, and in what regions they are most popular, which helps us to see our targeted audience.

Works Cited

Allie BhutaniAllie leads the Brand team at Conductor managing content. “What Is Content Creation? 3 Steps to Creating Web Content.” Conductor, www.conductor.com/academy/content-creation/. Accessed 5 Oct. 2023.

Meredith, Julie. “Council Post: The Power of Social Media to Capture Today’s Consumer.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 12 Oct. 2022, www.forbes.com/sites/forbescommunicationscouncil/2020/06/25/the-power-of-social-media-to-capture-todays-consumer/?sh=6c99ef19789e.

1 note · View note

wasabiandwellness · 9 months

Text

5 High Level Attributes of Therapy

What is therapy?

It goes by many names: talk therapy, psychotherapy, therapeutic interventions, counseling, and some may even refer to it as coaching. Regardless of what you call it, most people would agree that this type of professional service lives in a category of its very own.

Short Answer: A growth-promoting, professional and intimate relationship with a trained listener, empathizer, and strategic talker.

This is not the definitive answer, and I am in no way more reliable at answering this question than you just because of my position. My perspective is totally skewed and littered with ideals. My opinion on this topic is shared with the hope that you walk away knowing what therapy is NOT. This article will be a success if I can help one more person discover the right fit with their next wellness professional.

Primary Points

Intimate and ethical

Facilitated by a trained professional

A place to be heard

A healing space

What it is not recap

Intimate and Ethical

Yes, therapy is intimate but I’m not referring to sexual contact in any shape or form. Let me repeat this one more time for the people in the back with selective hearing. Therapy does not include sexual intercourse, leg stroking, tickling, or anything remotely similar to physical intimacy.

“No flirting. No dates. No Ghosting.”

It’s intimate because of the emotional proximity that naturally occurs when vulnerable details are exposed between two people. Think about the last person you became deeply vulnerable with and now remove the complications that came with the physical intimacy and romance. You may be feeling a sense of relief as you imagine what it would be like to be yourself with your therapist, while being confident you can’t have your heart shattered due to infidelity, lost trust, or abuse.

“The dynamic with your therapist is oftentimes referred to as a therapeutic relationship.”

Your primary obligation in a therapeutic relationship is to

“Show up & participate.”

When you stay active & engaged in your own process with a therapist who “gets you” then more than likely you’ll experience positive changes. Despite all the beautiful work done together, remember it’s still a service so compensation is expected.

“Your therapist is not your friend”

For some reason, there’s a false notion that wellness professionals should do their job out of the kindness of their heart and without the need or expectation of compensation. However, I do not see anybody offering these professionals special loan forgiveness, free housing, discounted groceries, or any other benefit of the sort.

Not sure where these feelings come from and I’m not afraid to say it.

Pay your wellness professional if you agreed to the fee when you started.

Just as you pay for your other loyal services:

Hair

Nails

Massages

Car maintenance

Taxes

Friday night VIP service

and the private services that you don’t want to talk about. All that!

True, we as a society need access to affordable mental health because everyone deserves to do this level of deep work. This is a systems issue not an individual issue. There are numerous examples of companies and heroic individuals who are champions at providing resources, and we certainly need the system to change for greater impact.

Recap: Intimate and Ethical

A therapeutic relationship is a service facilitated by a trained professional who upholds healthy boundaries with you, respects your privacy, and who is compensated for their relationship with you.

Facilitated by a Trained Professional

I felt this point needed its own section. While I can’t speak for all therapist, I can provide some insight into my journey to a doctorate of psychology (i.e. Psy.D.). It went a little something like this:

Bachelor of Science in Psychology (college) – 4 years

Doctorate of Psychology (graduate school) – 5 YearsFull load of academics courses (book knowledge) Onsite training at schools, rehabs, agencies, universities . . .Supervision by licensed psychologists critiquing every single client case, every note, and pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone40+ Hours of personal therapy required to do deep work on self and to better understand the experience of my clients. Paid for by me. No sponsorship. Internship training at a community center 40+ hours a week

Post-doctoral training; hands on with more responsibilities – 1 year

Licensing exams (*don’t even bring this topic up with me unless you want to fight lol!).

Finally, 2015 I was free to spread my ambitious wings to operate independently.

It may at times seem like we just landed in a role without much work or effort. However, it takes the average psychologist approximately 10-15 yearsto arrive in front of you independently licensed. By the time you sit on our couch (or your own couch – #pandemic), we have most likely worked with over 300+ people from diverse backgrounds, heard many unique life stories, and faced a variety of personal and professional challenges.

The investment a wellness professional makes into their careers goes beyond time and money. It takes a lot of dedication to give 45-50 minutes of focused attention to one person at a time. It’s incredibly important that you (the client) establish a therapeutic relationship with someone who fits you; who gets you. We may generally come from similar training backgrounds but remember, we’re still human beings with our own special quirks which we bring to our work with our clients. See post on FIT.

Recap:Facilitated by a Trained Professional

Do your due diligence to confirm you’re working with a trained professional (e.g. LCSW, Ph.D., Psy.D., MSW). There’s a whole lot of credentials out there to choose from and you’re not limited to just Western style therapy and wellness. I am in no way suggesting that one method is better than the other to be SUPER DUPER clear. What I’m saying is ask questions, understand what to expect, and if it’s isn’t working with that individual try again with someone else. Do the same thing you would with anything else in your life. You test drove more than one car to get to the one you purchased. You tried on multiple outfits before you made a purchase. You went to the wine bar and did a flight to taste test the liquor. So . . . yup I think you get it.

A Place To Be Heard

What a trained, mindful, and helpful professional does is demonstrate the ability to focus on you during the session. They are not spending 20% or more of the time talking about themselves. Typically, when we bring ourselves into the conversation it’s strategic to build rapport or to make an important growth promoting point. It’s not to brag. It’s not to derail. It’s not our therapy session.

It’s really freaking hard to not bring self into the room. Take a moment and imagine for a second that someone is telling you about the hard day they had at work, and oftentimes the natural response is to “connect” by talking about your hard day too. In therapy, a professional puts a majority of that natural behavior aside to make monumental space for their clients to wander in on their journey to their own personal goals.

I hear this all the time from my clients. “I can’t talk to X because the moment I say Y, they turn the story back on themselves. I don’t feel heard.” So, as an expert listener my job is to make sure my clients feel heard and not just feelbut are heard.

“Being heard by someone is a significant step in the healing process.”

Yeah, let’s jump right into healing next!

Recap:A Place To Be Heard

All you need to remember from this section is that feeling heard and seen by your wellness professional is invaluable to the therapeutic process. As a customer/client you have a right to challenge or question your professional. We are not perfect by any means so if you love everything else about them except for that, bring it up and request a change. If it doesn’t change then perhaps it’s not the right fit for you.

A Healing Space

This has to be my most favorite section! The word “Healing” brings me so much joy and it’s hard to express in words.

Ok… deep breath … so apart from being seen and heard one of the main reasons to invest in yourself is to have a healing experience.

Let me say that one more time in another way.

“A healing experience is worth more than diamonds, gold, and 10x growth in BTC (for the crypto-geeks out there).”

Somewhere deep down inside (and for some of us not so deep), there are some painful wounds that scar over but aren’t quite healed. In some cases there’s no scar, instead it’s a festering open wound oozing with fear, sadness, tears, trauma, anxiety, anger. A place where our younger more vulnerable self goes to hide away from the world. Seeking security in place that is uninhabitable but we go there anyways because of familiarity. For some of us, there’s a deep abyss of never ending darkness that we know exists but we ignore. And every so often we’re swallowed up by the “sunken place” filled with darkness and lost hope.

And yet on the surface, public facing, all that anybody else sees is “everything is awesome!”

You don’t have to be a therapist or doctor to guess the potentially harmful outcomes of repressed pain. Many of us have repressed for so long, we no longer acknowledge that pain is what we’re feeling. Our threshold for new hurt and trauma widen so much that we don’t recognize danger when we see it.

“Unfortunately, it means some of us will eat shit but only taste sugar, sprinkles and sunshine.”

So . . . HEALING.

There’s no goal of healing to perfection. The scars will remain as reminders but there’s security in knowing that under those scars is sensitive tissue instead of a wound.

Therapy is about a healing therapeutic relationship. Some people experienve healing by way of redefining the terms and definitions they use casually for example seeing a “weakness” as a “strength” and exploring examples of this in their life. Other opportunities for healing come through forgiving self of past behaviors and actively working on new behaviors that align with the person you want to be now. In other circumstances, the healing happens because your wellness person recognizes that you need someone to talk to you more gently, listens to you more persistently, and someone who gets you and laughs at your jokes genuinely. In some cases you need someone who cries with you and connects with your losses. I’ve witnessed a previous client have an instantly healing experience simply because I stood up for them without any hesitation. It was all they needed for the domino effect to take place.

If this is intriguing to you then continue reading more examples of healing experiences here.

Recap: A Healing Space

While establishing trust and connection in your therapeutic relationship you simultaneously open the possibility for wholesome healing. The puzzle pieces truly begin to connect as healing is achieved. The healthy boundaries, the consistency with your professional, and the hard work begin to pay off with a little time and persistence.

What It Is Not!

Just The Recap:Throughout this post, I’ve dropped a few ideas of what therapy is not to be. This recap is not conclusive and I’m only including the most extreme items. Why? Because no human is perfect and we bring our quirks to the session that can oftentimes positively influence the work. Therefore, I don’t want to leave you, the reader, with the wrong idea that somehow there’s a perfect person out there who makes no mistakes. However, the following items are listed because they are unethical and can cause direct harm to you.

Never Ever Should there be:

Sexual intimacy

Inappropriate advances like flirting.

Profusely talking about themselves (therapist) and their life challenges.

Intentional Ghosting or Abandonment

Misuse of their authority in the room

Not a long list right? These are probably all obvious to you but I wanted to state them anyway.

Summary

This was a high level look at “What is therapy?” from the perspective of a licensed clinical psychologist. I know my perspective is skewed but I’m confident it’s not too far off.

Do you have the urge to debate a little? Or something to add? Hit me up! I love to have my views challenged with the opportunity to grow. Thanks for stopping by.

Please get in touch. We will be happy to help.

#Coaching #Counseling #Psychotherapy #Therapy

0 notes

sekwanele · 10 months

Text

Standing on the edge of becoming an OT and beyond

Well, hello. Knowing where to start really with these blogs can be very challenging, in my experience. However, today’s topic my brain decided to take a liking to, and I felt like being honest about my journey of becoming an OT. “What is OT and why OT?”, “Well OT is sort of like physiotherapy, but the only difference is that we deal more with activities.” That was my response back in first year not knowing actually what OT was, thinking back I am a bit embarrassed with my response because we do so much meaningful work and now I know better. Needless to say, I’m going to enrich you with wonderful knowledge into my OT journey up until now and plans ahead.

My journey starts at UJ, studying Civil Engineering. This of course was a terrible year as I always wanted to do something in Health Science, however I was rejected by most universities for qualifications on paper I qualified for. I ended up studying engineering not because I wanted it but because I just did not want to stay at home. I relies now that I am the only one this led me to investigate the reason why I had little information about tertiary education. According to Ziderman (2009, 227), “the on-going thrust towards expanding university enrolment has left behind traditionally disadvantaged groups such as low income families, ethnic minorities and rural populations.” I realised that most students from rural background like myself lacked knowledge about university and how to get in and apply most students study things they do not know because of a lack of resources to get information about the courses they apply to. Having the information about what you want to study helps you in decision-making. Which fortunately I got guidance from those ahead of me in UJ. They helped me apply to OT as I wanted to do something in health science.

When I got in my first year in 2021, it was a struggle but an enjoyable one as finally, I was doing something I wanted. First year was tough especially the four anatomies that we did. Honestly, I did not understand the reason behind so many anatomies, I was confused in terms of what this has to do with activities. “ Occupational therapy practitioners utilize their knowledge of human anatomy to understand underlying anatomical dysfunction and how it impacts occupational performance,” (JOTE, 2021). (https://doi.org/10.26681/jote.2021.050106).This definition rang true in my second year now when I actually got to see the anatomy and physiology coming through on the patients we finally got to see. It was amazing when you read about certain conditions, for example, seeing a flaccid limb because of a stroke and you know the reason behind it where you have the anatomical and physiological picture in your mind. You then take from your knowledge of how to place the client so they are in an anatomically correct position, therefore, preventing further complications. So only now in my third year of treatment do I see these modules all helping one another in bettering my effectiveness in client treatment. I believe it is what helped me and got me through my physical block without that knowledge I would not be here.

I speak now like seeing a patient was not initially hard for the first time, it was extremely so, you however get used to it. What you never get used to is the supervisor’s feedback which might at the time feel so negative, but it is beneficial in the long run. I feel like I’m better of now because of it.

In conclusion, as I continue my journey in OT and as near the end I am excited at the idea of finishing, and not touching a book again in my life, not true I know but I’ll tell myself that for now. I am looking forward to 4th year and mostly the year after that where I will be working with the aim of wanting to experience different facets of OT like Medico Legal. I now will be faced with the moral dilemma of do I chase the money within OT or do I stay on the ground and advocate for those clients without much and get less. I guess we will wait and see. To be continued….

References

Giles, A., Conrad, W., Lunsford, D., & Valdes, K. A. (2021). Exploring Anatomy Coursework and Perceptions of Occupational Therapy Students: A Survey Study. Journal of Occupational Therapy Education, 5(1). https://doi.org/10.26681/jote.2021.050106

Njoko, M. B. (2018). The impact of access to post-secondary education information on “rural origin” students’ access to higher education: a case of three schools in Ntabamhlophe, KwaZulu-Natal. South African Journal of Higher Education, 32(5), 173-189.

0 notes

spikeinthepunch · 1 year

Text

i have talked about it to some capacity with the post a made a bit ago about branding etc and hpw i feel about it and how i kinda got swayed into playing things safe with presentation bc of how people on the internet/esp professionals, read you.

which was something i got caught up in especially around my internship because even though i wanted to explore mature topics emotionally, i was still going to play it safe. i had that 'i could make a thing thats emotionally strong like steven universe, but nothing more'. the stuff i wanted to make i treated like that. the idea that anything i was going to make that i wanted to put into the industry i wanted to be in had to be safe enough for studio/execs. which is definitely a problem with current animation- everything needs to be in a certain range of safety.

interestingly i felt like i did escape this a few years ago- i was no longer caught up in getting a job in 2020 and all the complicated feelings about "i dont want to cater myself to kids because i dont want to make stuff for kids" hit hard by then after turning 21. i was drawing lots of nsfw (...which you guys here didnt see lol), i was letting myself make stories without any regard to a specific audience esp bc the wcrp i was doing gave me time to think about that in my free time. and the way i presented myself, in terms of my posts, did not hesitate on topics either.

which the recent (1 or 2~ years) change in branding that led up to the mikike 'mascot' i realize now that attaching to a mascot like this kinda entirely redirected my presentation. not exactly in terms of topics on my normal blogging (however i did stop posting a lot in general) but you know. the livestreaming nd video making, and in turn the way i would interact with the places people use for online marketing/audience building. interestingly, before mikike but when i had my website, i started my website with the intent of it being a place outside of social media where i could "do what i wanted without anxiety of whether or not i could post it". and uh, somehow i managed to do the opposite.

because eventually i felt like online presence wise, using mikike as a mascot to front me and my website, would be good! seemed simple enough. but then i ended up feeding into the cutesy design or more, felt like i had to present with this neutral design, one that would appeal to "everyone" which... sent me back to that mindset again. its a horrible conflicting mess when part of me was trying to be like "yes i want to post whatever on my own site!" and then "oh no im becoming a general audience streamer and play minecraft, i dont want people to see that stuff if they go to my website" (with the added, if i start to get involved with other people too, i would be nervous about them being aware of my website and ruining my rep). should be said, its not like i *am* posting anything egregious either- but theres inherent anxiety based off how people respond online in general, like im wanting on ice all the time regardless.

so suddenly i was back where i started. i really really wanted to hang on to this drive to get out there, make the videos i have in mind, etc. but in my head i get very caught up in whether or not my stuff will gain traction and then be criticized for things i cant control (the age of people, or just whether or not someone take some mature content i made as 'problematic'). reality is i need to not care-- but i have said it time and time again. it is SO hard as someone who grew up during 2014-2016 tumblr. because if you were there youd know how hellish this era was with its callout culture. it was insane, truly. and i like many other teens, felt like i needed to be loud and out there to judge problematic behavior in order to not be problematic, and be self aware all the time and to always judge my interests, and in turn be paranoid i may like something bad.

the urge to rebrand is built off of detaching from the image/mascot that is making me "play it safe". part of me is annoyed that i want to drop this overall look- i do like mikike, i do like the colors! theyre nice. buuut i do feel like i want something fresh. i have admittedly change my look quite a few times so, maybe this is just how i am too. idk.

0 notes

woodworkingpastor · 1 year

Text

Abide with me -- Psalm 102 -- Sunday, February 12, 2023

This week was like every other week in that there were many newsworthy events that caught our attention. Some were tragic, others set your teeth on edge. There was one significant event from the world of sports that I call your attention to: Lebron James breaking Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s NBA career scoring record.

youtube

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to achieve something that no one else in the history of the universe has ever done? Did the Guinness Book of World Records fascinate you as much as it did me? There was always one kid in our elementary school class who would use their Scholastic Book Fair money to buy the Guinness Book of World Records. When the books arrived, we’d get together and look at the tallest and shortest people, the person with the longest hair and fingernails (among other things!).

We may never be world-record holders ourselves, but I suspect each of knows something of this. Maybe it comes in the form of learning a new skill or technique in our favorite hobby. For some it might be when choir or bell choir learns a particularly challenging anthem. One for me was when in 2013 I ran my personal best half-marathon—an achievement that eventually came with the realization that for many reasons, I’ll never surpass that time again.

Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry come to you.

It is the realization that records will be broken and that inevitably our skill and potential will succumb to the passage of time that I want us to think about today. The uncomfortable but relentless truth that the bright possibilities of daytime become lost in the darkness and uncertainty of the night moves us toward today’s sermon and the themes that the hymn Abide with me confronts.

I must admit that after last weekend’s joy-filled and uplifting retreat, it’s a bit difficult to preach on a challenging topic like this one—I really should talk to the person who schedules the sermon topics! But isn’t life like that? The good and the bad all jumbled up together demanding that we take all of it, regardless of our personal preference.

Abide with me (#653) is a poem written by Henry Lyte, a pastor whose declining health required early retirement from his parish and relocation to another town. It presents a complicated topic; we should always encourage people take care of their health. This does not mean that it is easy to do so, especially when “taking care of myself” means “my world becomes smaller.”

The poetry is brutally honest about Rev. Lyte’s outlook on life at this moment of his life: darkness deepens, helpers fail, comforts flee, earth’s joys dim, change and decay are all I see, etc. Consider verses 1 and 2:

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide; / the darkness deepens; Lord with me abide. / When other helpers fail and comforts flee, / Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day; / earth’s joys grow dim; its glories pass away; / change and decay in all around I see; / O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

I chose this hymn because I wanted these last two sermons on prayer (which are part of an occasional series that began last October) to illustrate how the hymnal can aid us in our prayer. I was looking for an “evening hymn” for this Sunday and a “morning hymn” for next Sunday. It doesn’t take long, however, to realize that if we limit the definition of “evening” to “the time of day when the sun is setting,” then this hymn might be miscategorized. But we understand “evening” to more broadly refer to “the end of things,” then we begin to see it differently.

Abide with me provides an opportunity to examine our lives—something we may very well be inclined to do at an evening prayer service, either here or at Camp Bethel. That comes out in several verses of this hymn that are not included in our hymnal:

Come not in terror, as the King of kings, / but kind and good, with healing in Thy wings; / tears for all woes, a heart for every plea. / Come, Friend of sinners, thus abide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile, / and though rebellious and perverse meanwhile, / thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee. / On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

And then there is this one that I believe is my favorite—again, not in our hymnal, but included as verse 3 in one listing I found:

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word, / but as Thou dwell’st with Thy disciples, Lord, / familiar, condescending, patient, free. / Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Whether we use this hymn in the evening or at a time when we face the loss of important things, a question comes to mind: Do we trust God in the night times of our lives?

As profound as the poetry is in this hymn (and it is profound); as beautiful as the tune is (and it is beautiful), the hymn provides no answers. We come to the end of the hymn with exactly the same request we had at the beginning, “Abide with me.”

Night presents many difficulties.

Biblically, there are two broad understandings of night. The first is the Jewish notion of the day beginning at sundown. Viewing the day from this perspective can be reassuring, for it means we start the day by going to bed. Relinquishing control, we trust that God will care for us throughout the vulnerability of the dark.

This is important precisely because the Bible also recognizes that night can be dangerous and uncertain. Recently, I’ve been listening to the podcast The End of All Hope. It’s a serial science-fiction podcast, telling the story of three colleagues who travel from San Diego to New York for a work conference, just at the time Earth is attacked and invaded by aliens. An odd premise, perhaps, but it raises some interesting questions, because as the characters acquire a car and attempt to drive back to California, nighttime presents a question: do they stop and rest, or do they drive in shifts and keep going. Night is dangerous because they can’t see the aliens as well, and they can’t trust that another human might not sneak up on them and try to steal their car.

And while I would assume that none of us are concerned about alien invasions, we know that sometimes the night is filled with anxiety, as our worries spiral more out of control with each toss and turn. The nighttime is often when we confront our deepest fears.

This is the subject of Psalm 102.

Interpreting Psalm 102 is not rocket science, it is human experience. Reading through verses 1-12 we recognize ourselves. And whether these words are honest reflections on some really hard times or the Psalmist wallowing in self-pity—there is room for either interpretation—the Psalmist leaves everything on the table. This is a person being honest about the perceived absence of God. Psalm 102 grants permission to get our complaints out in the open, reminding us to interrogate our own emotions to make sure they’re not leading us astray.

But unlike the hymn Abide with me which leaves the invitation to God unanswered, Psalm 102 arrives at a firm conclusion: Whatever the future looks like, that future is in God’s hands. We can trust that God is with us; we can move forward into the future trusting Jesus’ words from the end of Matthew

And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20).

The struggle with spiritual night and the silence of God is one that has troubled Christians for generations. The reality that God is trustworthy and has not abandoned us has been an important spiritual lesson for those same generations.

Come be my light is the controversial spiritual biography of Mother Teresa; controversial because she intended her letters to be destroyed, not published. When the book was published, the world learned that as a young woman, Teresa heard God’s call to serve in India. After that, she never heard from God again. Pope Benedict said of her, “all believers know about the silence of God.”

The Psalmist and others have learned that whatever the future holds, the future is in God’s hands. For while the Psalmist here can say

Hear my prayer, O LORD; let my cry come to you. Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress. (Psalm 102:1)

The Psalmist can also say

But you, O LORD, are enthroned forever; your name endures to all generations (Psalm 102:12).

Writing in 1874, British pastor Charles Spurgeon wrote

Men will forget me, but as for thee, O God, the constant tokens of thy presence will keep the race of man in mind of thee from age to age. What God is now he always will be, that which our forefathers told us of the Lord we find to be true at this present time, and what our experience enables us to record will be confirmed by our children and their children’s children. All things else are vanishing like smoke, and withering like grass, but over all the one eternal, immutable light shines on, and will shine on when all these shadows have declined into nothingness (The Treasury of David, v. 4, p. 422).

Reflecting on this same Psalm about 1500 years earlier than this, St. Augustine of Hippo wrote

When the time came for God to show mercy, the Lamb came. What kind of Lamb is it whom the wolves fear? What kind of Lamb is it who, though killed, kills the lion? For the devil has been called a lion, going about and roaring, seeking someone to devour; by the Lamb’s blood the lion has been conquered (ACCS, v. 8, p. 210).

In many ways, Psalm 102 describes life and faith in a way not unlike last weekend’s talk about passing the baton. The lap we are running may not be the final lap of the race. But it is a lap of the race. And if it’s not the final lap, then we know that there is someone at the start/finish line, waiting for the baton to be passed to them so they can begin their portion of the race. And we know that there is some One at the finish line, waiting to welcome us home. In the darkness of the night, our job is to continue reaching out to God, asking God to “abide with me.” In the darkness of the night, we continue to affirm our faith, continue to reach out to God, believing that

The children of your servants shall live secure; their offspring shall be established in your presence (Psalm 102:28).

0 notes

cytobi · 1 year

Text

i think that as a species becomes more and more advanced it becomes more and more likely to conclude it is living inside a simulation.

if you are able to create and simulate an artificial - perhaps “lesser” - intelligence that thinks of itself as intelligent, then how can you argue that you yourself are not such an artificial intelligence which may or may not be less intelligent than some other higher intelligence.

this of course relies on the simulation being “complete” as in making sense as a whole when seen without prior knowledge. this, however, does not seem particularly complicated as the intelligence in question (read “humans”) might accept fairly wild models to make sense of their surroundings. quantum mechanics for example shows that the world is not as continuous as we thought but instead rather discrete, i.e. made up of small but non-zero units of reality, “pixels” if you will. furthermore our universe might be infinite or it might not be but the observable universe definitely is finite, effectively setting a boundary to our “map”.

taking this concept a bit further one might conclude that they are not only living inside a simulation but inside a simulation inside a simulation and so on. realistically there is just no way to know because even if you “escape” one simulation how can you know that this new reality isn’t just another simulation. even the civilization living inside the actual reality (if there is such a thing) has no way to know and might therefore just assume they are also just simulated intelligence.

of course at this point the distinction between simulation and reality has lost all meaning. what is reality if not the outermost shell of simulations you in particular know about? why should we care if we live in the matrix if we’ll never find out anyways?

one interesting consequence of this train of thought might be that nothing matters in the grand scheme of things. and that’s the truth; nothing matters. not only because we might not be real but also because we collectively are a grain of dust - stardust - in the infinity (?) of time and space. individually we are even less then that.

however, this does not mean that nothing could possibly matter to you. so go out there and live your life in a way that matters to you. also, don’t be an asshole because nothing matters and everyone is just an artificial intelligence anyways - they’re artificial intelligence in the same way that you are, they feel in the same way that you do, and they think in the same way that you do. besides, making other people happy tends to make you happy as well, and i’d assume being happy is something that matters to you.

in the end this does not change anything at all, we’re still the same old monkeys living our stupid little monkey lives. just maybe think if this stupid little monkey life is the one that matters to you. if not go out and change it, it is in your power to do so.

sidenote: Rick and Morty S2E6 exemplifies this topic pretty well

2nd sidenote: kurzgesagt made a whole range of videos worth watching about positive nihilism, etc

0 notes

writingwithcolor · 3 years

Text

Gingerbread man as golem

@yaronata asked:

I would like to write a character who is Jewish and uses a Golem. She's based on the D&D class of the artificer which looks magic but isn't, because they produce all their effects with inventions, like the "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" quote. Her story is that her very Jewish town was under attack from a terrible monster when she was little. Her Rabbis made a Golem to protect the town, and it succeeded but was torn to pieces in the process. She was fascinated by the Golem and as a kid didn't see a big difference between it's sentience and person's so was really thankful for its sacrifice like you would a person's sacrificing their life for you. They thought all the pieces had been devoured by the monster before it died, but she went looking and found the piece used to animate the Golem, which she, kinda misunderstanding called its "heart". She kept the piece and grew up to be an incredibly skilled cook, specialising as a baker in the town. I imagine she would make a lot of really good food for the Jewish holidays, or to break fasts on ones like Yom Kippur or Tish'abav. But she also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice and the town still being alive, because I feel "we are not dead woo" is a big theme for Jewish holidays from my research, so it could fit, for which she invented ginger bread men to be the golem, and gave them little "hearts" of fruit or honey, and you're meant to eat them limb by limb like the beast did before eating the heart. This would be the inspiration for using the "heart" piece later to make her own giant gingerbread Golem to help her save the world.

These are my questions 1) would it be considered bad or disrespectful for someone who isn't a Rabbi to make a Golem, or is this method of taking an animating piece someone else made disrespectful? 2) Her journey will take her far from her town and her Jewish family and friends and she will likely travel with gentiles. Would it be disrespectful for a Golem to be used to protect a lot of gentiles and one Jew in the course of saving the world? I don't want to fall into the stereotype of someone putting all their effort into valuing and protecting very specifically the group that in real life is oppressive to them. 3) While she is not using magic and is actually mimicking its effects with technology she invents, is this drawing too close to the line of "magical Jew"? 4) I like to "play test" my characters in ttrpgs to really get a feel for them before I write. Would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character when I am a gentile, and would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character in a setting where there are demonstrably real gods other than the one of Judaism?

I really like this character idea and I think it's cute and fun and rooted in Jewish culture but I really want to make sure it's respectful and as good as I, a gentile researching on the internet, thinks it is. Thanks so much! Have a nice day!

My answer to this is very complicated because there are things I both like and do not like about this premise. First of all, I love the idea of a cookie golem, and I'm even imagining the magic word that brings him to life (EMET/truth) would be written in icing. And I'm okay with the part about how she found a piece of the old golem and used it to build a new golem, because that makes sense for a golem made from a baked good when you think about how people use sourdough starter to make a new batch of sourdough.

However, here are the thing that make me cock my head to the side like my little sister's German shepherd:

1. re: "magical Jew" - that's not a trope I've ever heard of. Remember, marginalized groups don't receive identical disrespect across the board. It is indeed a trope to use Black people or disabled people as supernatural plot devices who exist only to further the stories of white main characters or able-bodied main characters. But I can't say as I've ever seen anyone using Jewishness that way. Usually if we are someone's one-dimensional plot device it's as someone's lawyer, fixer, "money guy", etc, not a supernatural force. So this isn't something you have to worry about.

2. I have a certain level of discomfort with you playing as a Jewish character just because playacting as a marginalized culture you're not part of strikes me as off, but I understand that that's how you gain insight into a character you're about to write so it's more of a writing exercise than anything else. (I wonder if D&D regulars from marginalized groups have written about this -- I've only played a few times casually with family so if I did run into this type of discussion in my social justice reading I wouldn't have absorbed it. If anyone is curious I played first as Captain Werewolf, and then switched to playing as Cinnamon Blade because lawful good was too hard. :P )

3. I would prefer you omit the detail about eating the cookies piece by piece symbolically, for two reasons: a. it unintentionally evokes Communion by having appreciative people consume a baked good symbolic of an entity who sacrificed his life for theirs, and b. focusing on the details of flesh consumption reminds me too much of Blood Libel (yes, a gingerbread man is in the shape of a person but how many of us actually think about it literally, the way this act would cause?)

As to your first question: I'm fine with her making a golem even though she's just a rando. Second question: I see what you're saying and maybe it could be more okay if it's really clear how well these gentile folks are treating her? And questions three and four are answered above.

I really do love the idea of a giant gingerbread man golem. Cookie golem T_T <3

--Shira

I would like to second Shira’s point about not ripping apart the gingerbread cookies. I honestly would prefer they were used as decoration, and other cookies eaten instead, since that part just feels so not-Jewish to me, but I don’t have golem-specific issues other than that. It seems like you have already been doing a lot of research, which is appreciated.

As far as the ttrpg/DnD aspect… I bounce back and forth on the topic of playing characters that are so very different from our experiences, other than in fantasy-related ways. However, I am aware that a lot of people will play with, and experiment with gender in game, and learn something about themselves in the process (the number of trans players of ttrpgs who tried out their gender in game before they were out is high). It’s different with Judaism, and even more significantly different when it comes to things you can’t convert into, like various actual, real-world races. But because people do sometimes experience growth from experiences like this, I’m hesitant to dissuade players completely. I do urge you to, at a minimum, bring the same care, research, and willingness to learn, that you brought to this question.

--Dierdra

This sounds like a creative storyline that you could have lots of fun with 😊

At first I was confused by this part:

She also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice

But then you really got me thinking about different types of Jewish holidays and how they come about, so thank you for that!

Because it’s often the little details that either make a story super powerful or kind of nonsensical, I think it would be a good idea to decide what type of holiday is being created here:

A full-blown chag with restrictions on labour and halachic obligations? These are commanded in Torah and new ones can’t be added.

A minor yom tov with halachic obligations but no restrictions? These were instituted by the rabbis prior to the destruction of the Temple, so again new ones can’t be added.

A public holiday or equivalent? This would usually be declared by the Knesset in Israel, and filter to the rest of the Jewish world from there.

A community-based yom tov with specific customs only for people in the know, such as certain Chasidic groups celebrating the birthdays of their deceased leaders? I asked around, but no one can really tell me how these holidays get started, which is probably a good indication that they arise quite organically from a group of people who all just feel that it should be celebrated. Probably not created by a single person, as such.

Something she runs from her bakery, not religion-based, but more like a day of doing special products and deals the way many small businesses do on their anniversary?

Now, if the people of a modern-day town were actually saved by a real live Golem, that would arguably be the most overt miracle for many generations, so there would be a decent chance of options 3 and/or 4 happening. It’s entirely plausible that there could be special foods for this day that become a tradition, including Golem cookies. People who directly benefited might also return to the site where the Golem fought the monster and recite the prayer, ‘Blessed is Hashem, Master of the Universe, Who performed a miracle for me in this place.’

Alternatively, if it’s important that your MC created the holiday, something like option 5 might be the best. Hopefully this will still fulfil what you need: you describe her as incredibly skilled, so I can imagine the day when she goes all out on the Golem cookies being one of the most exciting events of the year for the townspeople, just because her baking is that good. Plus, they already have a personal stake in the Golem’s sacrifice, so I definitely think it could be a thing without being an official holiday. Also, if she is outside of an all-Jewish environment, don’t forget that she would have to decide whether to commemorate the anniversary in the Hebrew calendar or the local one.

Coming back to the cookies, sorry if we’re getting a little repetitive on this point! But I don’t see the cookies being torn limb from limb as part of a celebration. First of all, this doesn’t sound like a very celebratory thing to do, to say the least. Can you imagine explaining that to a three-year-old on their first Yom HaGolem? They would be terrified! (I don’t read this suggestion as accidental anti-Semitism so much as getting carried away with a metaphor, which I’m sure as writers we have all done!)

But also, it’s worth pointing out that our commemorative foods aren’t usually that literal. If you think about hamantaschen, maror, or apple in honey, they’re all symbols. That’s not to say that having Golem-shaped cookies is a problem, as this sounds like just a bit of fun that the MC is having and not something that is directly at odds with Judaism or Jewish culture. But it’s worth bearing in mind that the more literal you go from there in terms of tying the cookies to the event they commemorate, the less culturally aligned your holiday food becomes.

Finally, about the Golem protecting non-Jewish people: I like this idea! There’s a stereotype that we only use whatever is at our disposal to help ourselves and other Jewish people, so a Golem being created by Jews but helping others as well is a big plus for me. Of course, as has already been pointed out, this would be an odd choice if her Saving The World team were anti-Semitic or otherwise disrespectful to her/her community, but I don’t think you were headed that way!

-Shoshi

I have to come back in here just to squee over the phrase “Yom HaGolem.” Well done :D

--Shira

#asks #Jewish #dnd #golem #food #Jewish stereotypes

415 notes · View notes