#this is all digital but i avoided erasing stuff for that reason | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kaistarus · 3 years

Text

BitterSweet

Pairing: Itadori YuujiXReader

Words: 2.4K

Summary: How Yuuji makes his way into your life with brights smiles and shitty coffees

A/N: just in time for his b-day :3 i’ve loved this boi since before i even started jjk, so i’m glad I got to finally write for him lol

Masterlist

Bitter.

Bitter-with a hint of vanilla-was what you associated with Itadori Yuuji. His beaming smile at your first tutoring session forever connected with the pungent coffee he offered you.

You stared at the cup skeptically, “what is that?”

“Coffee?” Yuuji answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I thought every college student liked coffee.”

He wasn’t wrong, “but why did you get it?”

“Because you got up so early to help me,” Yuuji’s smile widened as he waved the drink around.

“Well I’m scheduled, so I would have been here whether you signed up or not.” You pointed out, glancing at the clock nearby that read too-early-in-the-morning and gestured for him to hand it over. He looked so pleased with himself that you were sure if he was a dog his tail would be going wild.

That was the only explanation you had for why you didn’t tell Yuuji it was the worst thing you’d ever tasted, hiding your full body cringes when he looked up after digging through his backpack.

“So, what are we doing first?” He asked excitedly, holding a creased notebook with uneven pages and a packed folder with papers hanging out. You stared at it wearily, but unfortunately he was far from the worst case scenario-a folder was huge compared to some you’d run into.

“I guess just give me your last exam and we’ll work from there.”

Yuuji chuckled awkwardly, fingering through the mass of papers in his folder before producing a packet marked heavily in red ink. You sighed at the single digit number at the top with a frowny face beside it.

Looked like you and Itadori Yuuji were going to be spending a lot of time together.

**************

“You’re overthinking it, Yuuji.” You rubbed your temples having spent the last thirty minutes working through the same problem with no success. You were beginning to lose all hope.

“But it doesn’t make any sense,” he groaned, leaning back in his seat. “I’m supposed to figure out the probability of what movies were action movies, but how was she able to watch eighty movies in one week?”

“That isn’t the question.”

“It isn’t possible though!” He jabbed his eraser at the paper. “Did she sleep? I bet this Melissa chick fast forwarded or skipped.”

“Yuuji…”

“Can you go a full week without sleep? If she slept through some, are they part of the eighty?” He gripped his pink locks in frustration. “How do I know which she slept through? Is there a timeline?”

You deadpanned as he scanned the page stressfully like it was holding him hostage with its contents, “I don’t think they provide a timeline, no.”

“Sorry,” Yuuji sighed defeated, slouching forward to rest his chin on the library’s table. “I swear I’m trying.”

You leaned against your palm, eyes softening as he glared at the homework sheet under him. “Don’t apologize,” you slid the sheet from under his chin. “You’re my favorite session after all.”

“I am?” He perked up.

You rolled your eyes while circling a segment of the first word problem. “You can just make up wild backstories for each person. Melissa doesn’t have to sleep and can absorb movies abnormally fast or something.”

Yuuji blinked several times as his lips curved into a smile. “What about the guy who owns over four-hundred chickens?”

You forced down your own smile and shrugged, “he’s just lonely.”

Yuuji laughed, continuing down the page while spewing out ridiculous stories for the unfortunate names in the Stats problems. Your heart beat firm in your chest at how excited he was now while scanning the page. The ticking clock above you felt like a curse the closer it got to the end of your session.

You guessed you didn’t hate the mornings anymore if they were with him.

*************************

You tapped your pencil’s eraser impatiently on the booth's table. The smell of brewing dark roast drifting through the small cafe accompanied by the combined noises of workers preparing early risers beverages kept you from dozing off where you sat. Finally, after what felt like forever-probably a few minutes-Yuuji slid into the booth across from you and placed a mug in front of you.

“I can buy my own coffee, Yuuji.” You took the mug wearily, eyes darting around the near empty cafe you’d decided to meet at this week to ‘spice things up’ in his words. “People might get the wrong idea.”

“I didn’t think you cared about that stuff,” he said with a teasing smile that you returned with a half-assed glare. “It’s my payment for making me smarter.”

“I already get paid,” you pouted at the drink in your hands. “And you’re already smart. I just help you understand it.”

He didn’t respond and you glanced over, confused at his slack jaw expression.

“Oh,” he started shuffling through his backpack and you swore his cheeks were dusted pink. “Yeah, that-uh-makes sense.”

“Right,” you raised a brow at the weird response, but decided it wasn’t worth pursuing. There wasn’t enough time in the world to question every random thing Yuuji did.

“What’s on the schedule today boss?”

“Your exam’s tomorrow,” you said, pulling some sheets from your own backpack. “I printed your practice exam since I’m guessing you didn’t know it existed.”

“Hey,” he pouted. “I didn’t, but still...”

You snorted, sliding the packet across the table. “Just do the ones you can and I’ll help with the rest.”

He saluted you, unnecessarily scribbling his name across the top before getting to work-his tongue poking out adorably while his eyes scanned the words intensely. You felt your chest filling with an unfamiliar warmth as you watched him work and your hand drifted subconsciously toward the mug next to you.

You coughed, unprepared for the harsh flavor, only wiping the grimace off your face when Yuuji peered upward with an innocent head tilt. Your heart squeezed when you locked eyes too long with his dark hazel before a soft smile filtered onto his lips. You quickly dropped your stare, hoping that if you avoided looking at him you could avoid the weird feeling emotion rolling in your stomach as well.

***************

You slouched up the library's stairwell, pushing through the second story’s double doors that led to your usual reserved tutoring table. The school really needed to push back your start time-seven in the morning was way too early for any college student to effectively teach or learn anything. The only person ridiculous enough to continuously sign-up for this time was-

You gripped your backpack straps as strong arms wrapped themselves around your midsection, picking you off the ground without warning. An unwanted frightened squeal left your lips before you recognized Yuuji’s laughter behind you and you relaxed as much as you could with him spinning you around in a library half-full of people.

“What are you doing?” You glared at him over your shoulder, cheeks warm from embarrassment at the scene he was causing.

“I got a C!”

You blinked several times before prying his arms off you, “are you serious?”

“Yeah,” he slid his backpack off, digging around before offering you a crumpled up packet with a seventy-four and a smiley written on top. You stared at it with a growing smile and without thinking too much you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Yuuji, this is amazing!”

“I know,” he laughed, encircling your waist awkwardly given your backpack. “My roommate didn’t believe me. She’s doing my dishes for a week thanks to you.”

You weren’t sure you felt good about that after seeing his level of disorganization, but you smiled back anyway. “I’m so proud of you.”

Which was true. Your chest was swollen near bursting with pride for him and he’d only gotten a C. You told yourself it was because of your own skills as a tutor, but had you ever been this excited for someone?

“Hey, we should celebrate.” Yuuji stuffed the exam back into his bag. “Do you wanna-”

“Can you guys quiet down?” a guy with four crushed energy drink cans and food wrappers laying haphazardly around him asked. “I can’t focus and I just wanna go home, dude.”

“Sorry,” you whispered as warmth crept up your neck, turning Yuuji toward the exit as he stared at the guy in amazement. “We’ll leave you alone.”

“How long have you been here?” Yuuji asked in awe.

“Twenty-five… No, maybe eight...” The guy narrowed his eyes at the clock. “Time’s an illusion man.”

Yuuji nodded, impressed, shooting the guy a thumbs up as you pushed him toward the doors. Once in the stairwell you shot him a bright smile, “celebrate?”

He nodded excitedly. “We can get coffee!”

You turned away quickly to cover your panic, “or maybe anything else?”

Yuuji hummed, “I guess change can be nice.”

Your heart did a bizarre skip at the soft look in his eyes and you hurriedly started down the stairs without him. You spent more time that morning brushing off each reaction to Yuuji than enjoying your time with him. When everything was done you started thinking that you were having a hard time kidding even yourself.

**************

You and Yuuji had been working in silence for the past twenty minutes-the longest he’d gone without needing help since he’d signed up for tutoring. It was a great sign that for some reason had your stomach knotting uncomfortably.

“You’re doing really good,” you complimented, admiring the delighted smile he gave you.

“Yeah, I used what you said about note taking for lecture.” He showed you his notes that were beyond chaotic, but apparently worked for him. “I actually understand what’s going on now.”

“That’s great,” you looked down at your Chem problems and attempted to keep your tone light. “You probably won’t need tutoring soon if this-.”

You heard his pencil snap and looked up to find him staring holes through his paper. He seemed tense as he pressed his pencil roughly against the notebook and you wondered what word problem would’ve caused that reaction.

“Are you stuck? Do you want me to-”

“I like you.”

You paused mid-reach for his textbook and locked eyes with him, his cheeks flaring up a dark pink. You opened and closed your mouth several times before mumbling out a weak, “what?”

“And I don’t want you to tutor me,” he looked frustrated with himself when you tilted your head at his contradictory statements. “I mean, I do, but not always. I just want to spend time with you and not talk about Stats because I hate Stats, but I really like you.”

That weird feeling was back. The one where your chest felt tight and your heart was beating too quickly and your stomach sort of felt like you might throw up, but all in a good way and that made everything weirder. It was a lot and not enough and that made you nervous.

“I don’t know, Yuuji.” You lied.

“That’s okay,” he smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “No pressure. I just sprung it on you, so I don’t blame you.”

You nodded, watching him dig around his bag for a second pencil while grumbling about organizing that you knew would never happen. Your heart ached in your chest as you watched him continue working casually, playing off whatever happened.

...but you weren’t sure you could do the same.

************

This was a terrible idea.

You swung your legs, perched atop a railing across from a building that Yuuji was currently taking his midterm. It didn’t matter how you got that information-accessing his schedule with the few perks your job gave you-all that mattered was you had five minutes to figure out what you were going to say to him.

This wouldn’t even be an issue if he hadn’t skipped tutoring a few days ago. You weren’t sure if he thought you hated him or if he was regretting confessing to you, but either way you needed to talk to him before your window closed.

If only any of the speeches you could think of weren’t absolutely humiliating. Three minutes now? That should be enough time for you to at least get the beginning-

“(Y/N)?”

Your head whipped to the side so fast you're sure you got whiplash, dumbfounded that Yuuji was standing there with his head cocked to the side.

“You finished early,” you said, face warming at his growing confusion. “Not that I would know that.”

“Right.” He gave you a once-over. “Whatcha doing here?”

“Uh,” your nose crinkled while searching for a reasonable excuse. You sighed when you came up empty. “You skipped tutoring.”

Yuuji’s eyebrow rose and he waved his hands around. “I accidentally slept through it.” Then you noticed the gears started turning in his head and you began shrinking in on yourself. “You came here because I skipped a lesson?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure if you were going to keep skipping,” you avoided his eyes, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “It’s a bad habit.”

He knew you were full of shit. You could tell by the way he was forcing down a smirk when you stared at your feet. This would obviously be going so much better if you had those three minutes to prepare.

“Thanks for checking in,” he smiled, fishing around in his pocket and holding out his phone. “We should probably exchange numbers so you don’t have to go through all this trouble next time.”

You eyed the phone and rolled your eyes, “makes sense.”

He looked overjoyed when you took it from his hands. Your heart felt like it would pound out of your rib cage while he watched you create your contact, your fingers shaking slightly under the pressure.

“As an apology, I should probably take you to get food too.”

You paused, looking up at his hopeful gaze before nodding shyly. “That seems fair.”

The smile that overtook his face was probably the largest you’d ever seen and your heart nearly exploded when he grabbed your hand, pulling you away from the building. You probably should have seen this coming the moment you began looking forward to your morning shifts with him. As he dragged you down the street you found yourself not caring where he took you-you knew you’d be happy as long as he was with you.

#itadori yuuji #itadori yuji x reader #itadori yuji fluff #yuji x reader #itadori yuuji x reader #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #itadori x y/n

135 notes · View notes

cassthepilot · 2 years

Note

Yo! It’s been a while, how have you been??

I was just wondering if you had any art tips and tricks? I’m looking to improve my digital art so I figured I’d ask (no pressure to answer of course)

aaa @edgynoise!! so good to hear from you again! I hope you've been doing well <3

and oh wow, of course! I'm not sure what kind of advice to offer but I'm happy to throw some things out here that might be helpful.

that said; here's some stuff that's personally worked for me

- spend a little time loosening up

this one helps me out a lot. if i go straight into a drawing from the start it's going to turn out stiff as hell for me every time so to combat this I usually spend about 5-10 doodling before getting into the actual meat of any kind of meaningful drawing. really helps wake up the hand meat muscles.

- get your thoughts down first and then tighten them up

i don't know if this would be applicable for everybody but generally I feel it's important to get whole of something down (no matter how busted it looks) before going in to correct certain things or agonize over anatomy. for me, the energy of a piece is it's foundation and that life is what everything else gets built around & up from. I find it much better to draw it messy & broken in the beginning rather than squeek through the whole thing erasing, redrawing & erasing on the same piece.. I feel a piece can just lose too much of it's energy that way. once i have the bare sketch worked out, I just set the sketch to a low opacity & redraw the lines for real-real on another layer over it.

- listen to music!

not always for everyone but i find picking music that matches the mood of what i'm working on generally helps me channel the vibe of something. for the mining piece above i listened to a lot of the old coal mining songs this was inspired by. i feel like it really helped me hit what i was going for.

- feel it out

so this may just be a me thing but when i do pieces i generally try to bring a lot of feeling and acting into them with me. if the character is concerned, i make myself feel that emotion while drawing them. If their face is sad or upset or fearful I make those same facial expressions myself in order to channel it into them. and if there's body language involved i'll sometimes even go the extra mile & act things out with my hands, depending. i don't know what it is about this but i find that it can really bring a lot of life to a piece. also just being aware of those facial muscles and how they feel in certain situations can make emphasizing & drawing them easier in general.

- try to vary your lineweight

this one really depends on what style you're going for but I find that, for myself, varying the line weight really helps add a lot of life to things. my lines in tend to run a little thicker overall but the general rule of thumb is broader / thicker lines where there's gravity, weight or in places where you want to emphasize the energy of something. (ex. bottoms of feet, arms, thighs, clothing, jawlines etc.) and then lighter/thinner lines for more detailed / finer areas like say the eyes, facial features, details in fingers etc.

not the best example but hopefully it more or less gets across what I'm stabbing at haha

as for digital / art program tips I'm not sure what I can offer that may be helpful but here's what I got!

- keep everything on different layers. this is a big one. 100% will keep you from wanting to rip all your hair out & setting it on fire. i'm not sure how familiar you are with layers yet but generally I set them up so that the lineart is on the top layer, the flat colors are on the bottom layer & the shading on the character is inbetween.

- when shading, try to avoid using straight black

unless there's a solid reason to shade with black (like say doing a strictly pen & ink piece) I generally try to avoid it. if you need dark colors for shading I find it's always way better to shade with a really deep red/purple or blue instead. even just that hint of color will make the overall colors in a piece far less dull & muddy.

- take advantage of the hue/saturation feature to adjust colors

this one's a huge time saver for me. basically if I have my characters shaded & i'm not really digging the colors or think they're popping off right I will select the layer or color & then use the hue/saturation function to adjust the areas i don't like accordingly until i hit on something that looks more harmonious. This is especially helpful if you're trying to find the right colors you want for something but just aren't sure what's going to look good. it's also super useful on things like your shading layer or if you're working with warm or cool light sources.

- deepen shadows / brighten up light sources

When a piece is near finished for me one of the small after effects I like to add is a light airbrushing in both the lightest & darkest areas. This helps add more contrast and if it's placed over top the linework layer it can sometime help to create ambient mood, depending on what you're going for of course. Anyway, for me this usually means creating a new shadow layer, deepening them up with a hit of darker airbrushing and then setting that layer to multiply & adjusting the opacity according to what looks good. For the light sources it's pretty much the same deal except the layer will be set to 'overlay' or' vivid light' whichever usually looks right to me.

- tie it together with local color

so this is a favorite trick of mine that i enjoy using from time to time & one i find can really help with pulling the colors in a piece together to make it look nice.

basically if a piece is finished & I just want to make it look more cohesive & tied together i will start by filling an entire layer with a local color (for example if the piece is warm i will make a layer of just straight orange), then i will move that layer to the top of all other layers where it can be king and then proceed to set the entire thing to overlay & lower the opacity to something between 8-25%. how much you lower the opacity depends on what you feel looks good of course but overall i find it can be a useful trick for quickly warming up or cooling down the tones in a piece. Overall it’s just handy for making an illustration look a bit more cohesive color-wise.

this examples a little on the extreme side but hopefully it can kind've show what i mean in the way of unifying the colors.

- study life

so this sort've falls under generic art advice but you can never go wrong studying from life. And I don't just recommend this in a 'it will get you good at drawing the human body' kind of way. What it will do is get you good at drawing people. Just observing the mannerisms people have, the way they gesture when they feel things, the way certain body types carry their weight, the body language that accompanies both stronger & lesser emotions, how people posture themselves to reflect (or reveal!) what's going on inside. When you really sit down & take the time to study & observe people you'll find that there's so much to take away from it. Everything from the way a person carries themselves to how they move their body can say so much about a person (whether they intend it to or not) and I've found that if you want to pull something really convincing out of a character then body language is where it's at. It's equally as important as facial expressions honestly & a good tip (if you're just looking to get better at body language only) is to draw the face last & force yourself to communicate emotions with the hands, body & posture instead.

- andrew loomis

so fun story back when i was studying art in college - one day my media teacher walked in & straight up told the class that if any of us had to drop out tomorrow we could basically just study creative illustration by andrew loomis & it would be the damn near equivalent of what we were all paying to be taught. To this day I've never forgotten that. And to this day it absolutely holds up. Really can't recommend this guy enough if you're looking to understand the fundamentals of illustration! And what luck! all of his books are free! :)

Fun With a Pencil (Beginner) https://www.alexhays.com/loomis/Andrew%20Loomis%20-%20Fun%20WIth%20a%20Pencil.pdf

Figure Drawing for All It's Worth (Intermediate) https://illustrationage.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/andrew-loomis-figure-drawing-for-all-its-worth.pdf

Creative Illustration (Intermediate-Advanced) https://illustrationage.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/andrew-loomis-creative-illustration.pdf

Drawing the Head & Hands (Intermediate) https://www.alexhays.com/loomis/Andrew%20Loomis%20-%20Drawing%20the%20Head%20and%20Hands.pdf

study other artists!

one of my favorite things to do! if you like what someone makes - study them. I do this near constantly with a lot of different people for a lot of different things. Everything from the way one artist colors, to the way one artists handles lighting, to the way another artist draws hands - if there's something i see that I like in a persons art or their style - I study it. Even if it's outside of my current comfort range (or skill level) I find there's always something to gain by either attempting to emulate it myself or just breaking it down & figuring out what makes it look the way that it does. One thing I find that's really helpful is breaking apart .psd files whenever an artist will offer them. just looking at the way other people handle their layers or add effects to things can really help broaden my perspective & way of doing things.

That said; if it would be helpful you're more than welcome to check out my own .psd file here if you feel it would help you out any!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/yigbm7b9b8eyb0g/run%20with%20us%20-%20full.psd?dl=0

At the moment it's one of the more put together ones I have so hopefully it can offer a better visual insight to some of the things I do. Again, if it's something that you think would help.

Anyway, I guess that's about it. Also wow this was a lot longer than I thought it would be so my bad if I got way too rambly or anything haha. Super excited for your future art endeavors here & think it's really awesome that you're exploring more! I'm so happy & excited for you <3 Feel free to hit me up if there's anything else I can help you out with.

#i hope this helps!#tysm for the ask #it really means a lot #srsly i'm flattered as hell that anyone would come to me for advice on this #i still have so much learning to do myself #hopefully this wasn't too long winded #ask #edgynoise

15 notes · View notes

itsamejin · 4 years

Text

this love || yoongi angst

Summary: A story through the years detailing your relationship with Yoongi and all the ups and downs that came with dating an idol.

Warning: cursing, sexually suggestive content

Genre: angst, fluff, idol!yoongi, artist!yn

Pairing: Yoongi x female!reader

Premise: Based on the song ‘This Love’ by Taylor Swift. Reader is an artist.

Commission Request: @minyoongail

Word Count: 7,681 words

—

You met Yoongi when he was just a trainee, ready to take on the world and bursting with energy to get on stage. He had visions of grandeur- him living in a beautiful mansion, wearing name-brand jewelry, cruising in rare sports vehicles. When times were simpler, he’d promise that you’d be there with him, indulging in the glitz and glamour that came with his fame. He’d be an idol and you’d be his muse. Yet under all those pretenses, under all those empty promises, he was just Yoongi.

He was a guy who walked in and out of your life as easily as ocean tides come and go on the shore. He taught you how to fall in love, fall out of it, and rekindle it all the same. It was a sort of beautiful asphyxiation, being wrapped up in his lifestyle and learning to accept the consequences that came with dating a celebrity.

You wonder even now as you search his name on the internet, if you had any regrets. After all, you lost too much to be with him.

—

April 2013

A first meeting meant everything to you, especially when it came to your clients. You didn’t accept jobs from weirdos who didn’t respect your craft and you definitely hated impatient ones who badgered you to finish your pieces as quick as possible.

Big Hit was a happy medium and had hired you as a contract employee after reviewing your portfolio. Although the style of work they wanted from you was not at all what you specialized in, you were happy that they treated you like an actual employee and not some sort of machine. Plus, the pay was good.

You were asked to work on some cute animal characters for an upcoming boy group that you weren’t terribly familiar with, maybe stumbled on a vlog of theirs that you forgot about. You were intrigued by the slew of trainees that sat in front of you, their palms clenched out of anxiousness.

“I’m [Y/N], one of the digital artists that will be working with you guys from now on,” you introduce yourself politely to the seven bright-eyed boys in front of you.

You were in a room with other staff members, discussing the concept of the “Hip Hop Monsters” your graphics team was working on. This was a planned project lasting over a span of years and would eventually result in collectors edition items. It made you giddy just thinking of the royalties you’d earn from it all.

“I’d like it if the animals took after us,” one of the boys suggested shyly, slightly intimidated by the large number of corporate employees there were in the room for something that seemed so trivial. “I think our fans would like the characters more if they kind of resembled our personalities and stuff...”

You nod along to his suggestions, staring at his jersey to notice that the member who spoke up was Rap Monster. It was cute how they all wore clothes with their names on them. That’s one way to attract attention, you suppose.

“Any other suggestions you guys have for us?” you ask, jotting down notes and making rough sketches as they talk amongst themselves.

“I’d like it if,” a somewhat husky voice starts and you can’t help but stare into the guy’s eyes as he speaks, “my character was a turtle.”

You burst out into a fit of laughter along with the other staff members. He had said it with such a straight face and with so little enthusiasm, yet you could tell from his slight blush that he was serious. He was cute in the way that he wasn’t trying to be.

“You resemble one,” you grin at him, drawing out a small turtle with a cute beanie on your iPad, like the one he wore in front of you. You show it to him. “Something like this?”

“Exactly that!”

He breaks out into a gummy smile, one so bright that it hurt your heart to stare at him for too long. Now you were the one left flustered. He realizes how enthusiastic he was and got embarrassed once again, scratching the back of his head to avoid eye-contact.

“S-sorry, for shouting. It looks good.”

You bite your lip from forming too big of a grin. You still had to remain professional after all.

“You’re welcome,” you smirk slightly as he goes back to trying to look cool. You can’t help but doodle his name on your iPad even as the other members shared ideas for their own animals.

Suga, Suga, Suga.

You smile to yourself. It does have a ring to it.

—

June 2013

Yoongi sees you in the hallways sometimes and wants to say hi, but he can’t because other people are watching. Though, that isn’t the only reason.

He tells himself every day that he’ll muster up the courage to go talk to you, but every time he sees your face his legs turn to jelly. Yoongi was busy with debut stages recently, but he found some free time in his schedule to approach you.

Yoongi was never the shy type, more reserved if anything else, but you had something that enamored him- intrigued him. He wanted to know who you were other than the cute girl he was stuck in meetings with from time to time.

As you sat there on your desk, Yoongi lingered in an area nearby. He would give you his number today and if things didn’t work out then that would be that. There was no need to be all shy about this; it’s not like this is his first time asking someone out.

He strides over to you with feigned confidence and you look up after a minute, not noticing how his shadow loomed over you. He sees that you’re working on realistic portraits of the members and not the cutesy characters he usually sees you drawing.

“Hi,” he says curtly, trying to seem disinterested though he was the one that approached you first.

“Hello,” you smile up at him.

Suga.

“You draw really cool stuff,” he says to break the awkward tension. “You should show it to the CEO. I’m sure we’d have cooler concepts for our albums with your work.”

You look up at him, a happy glint in your eyes. He was complimenting you, although avoiding eye contact to seem a little less nervous than he really was.

“Well, I’m just a contract worker so I don’t think I really have the authority to start up new projects out of nowhere,” you say with a smile on your face at how flustered he looks. “I feel like you’re here to ask me for something. Am I right?”

He looks away for a split second, coughing to alleviate his nerves. He was a grown man for fuck’s sake, why was this so difficult?

“I was actually wondering if you could come give me some opinions about some art that I drew,” he lies through his teeth, just trying to find a way to get you in a more private area than the corporate floor teaming with watchful gazes. “I’ve been trying to start a new hobby.”

You chuckle slightly, seeing right through his words. You stand up to amuse him.

“I’d be happy to.”

He leads you to a studio filled with whacky knick-knacks and dim lighting, not necessarily the best place to draw. You know by now that he just said those things as an excuse to be alone with you.

“So where’s this masterpiece?” you tease slightly at his nervous expression. How did a guy who looked so deadpan have such a giddy personality?

“Well actually,” he starts off, palms already sweaty. “I-It’s not here right now, but I think I left it at the dorms. Maybe if we exchange phone numbers I can text it to you.”

He tried to appear nonchalant, but his hands moved as if he was doing a public speaking presentation. Yoongi thought he was doing great, though growing a little more nervous at how you were giggling.

“You know, Suga,” you start teasingly, “My number is in the company directory. Feel free to text me anytime.”

Yoongi slightly cringes hearing his stage name. He loves it, don’t get him wrong, but he didn't like hearing it come from you. He didn’t like the unfamiliar aspect that came with using his stage name- like you two only went by professional terms.

“Call me Yoongi,” he says with genuine confidence this time. “I like it better when my friends call me Yoongi.”

You nod, relieved that you could finally know this cute guy’s name. Truth be told, you were snooping around his conversations with other people to figure it out.

“So we’re friends?”

Yoongi nods, sitting down in his rolling chair.

“I’d like to be,” he grins, patting the sofa, hoping you’d take a seat with him.

And you do.

—

Present

It’s hard to work efficiently when you’re no longer in a corporate space. There’s no boss to check up on your progress nor is there a nosy coworker trying to see what you’re doing from the corner of their eye. You missed the hustle and bustle of an office floor, but it was nice exploring your creativity through freelance work.

You tap your digital pen onto the table repeatedly, looking at the reference image over and over again. It was a sick joke played by the universe to have been commissioned to draw your ex-boyfriend’s idol group, but you couldn’t refuse the hundreds of dollars the ecstatic fangirl was willing to give you. Truth be told, she might have offered too much pay, but you took up her offer anyway. Money is money.

Yet a face you’ve touched so often, a person you’d been with for years felt so unfamiliar to you. It wasn’t like you were drawing him realistically either. The client wanted anime-style figures that resembled them, looked enough like the boys to display it as her Twitter header. In the end, it’s still too difficult to draw. The rest of the members were lined up and sketched perfectly, but there was a blank area where Yoongi’s face should’ve been.

Your wrists hurt from the constant drawing and erasing so you set it down to massage your hand from cramping. In moments like these, you hated your job.

Ting.

A message notification popped up on your phone that laid beside your iPad. You usually left it silent when you were working, but you opened yourself up to distractions when drawing this particular piece. Whoever thought it was a good idea to specialize in celebrity artwork? You pick up your phone and smiled softly at the text.

hey, can I come over?

—

March 2014

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Yoongi, happy birthday to you~~”

You cheer on with the rest of the boys in their cramped dorm. Somehow you had gotten close enough with them to be at this level of comfort, sitting crisscrossed and shoulders touching with Jungkook and Seokjin. Yoongi blows out the candles and claps his hands, a little sad that another year passed by so quickly. He kept glancing at you who was focused on cutting the cake like the perfectionist you were.

He couldn’t help but feel like time was running out, like if he didn’t confess to you now then it would never happen. Yoongi took off the beanie he wore and ruffled his hair. He was feeling anxious all of a sudden.

“Dude don’t do that your dandruff is gonna get everywhere,” Hoseok whines. “The cake is gonna be decorated with your dead skin cells.”

“Go wash your hands,” Jin commands and Yoongi could only roll his eyes.

“Relax, I don’t even think we’re gonna have cake anytime soon when this slow-poke is taking forever to cut.”

He flicks your forehead as you glare up at him.

“I could so easily throw this in your face, but I choose not to,” you stick your tongue out at him and he scoffs.

“I’d like to see you try.”

All the members groan out of annoyance.

“Oh my god they’re having a lovers quarrel again,” Jimin yawned. “Aren’t you guys sick of arguing?”

Yoongi freezes at his words. Lover’s quarrel. That was a nice way to put it.

“They’ll stop arguing when Yoongi finally-”

Taehyung was cut off as Yoongi swipes three fingers worth of frosting from the cake and lathers it all over Taehyung’s face.

“You talk too much,” Yoongi shakes his head and soon chaos descended. Cake flew in places it shouldn’t have and ended when Namjoon knocked over a glass of water, managing to break it on the floor tiles. In the end, no one got cake.

Yoongi and you were laughing amongst yourselves at the kitchen sink, washing off some of the bits that got onto your shirts.

“I’m so sorry about your cake,” you say through your chuckles. “I’ll make it up to you some time.”

Yoongi only smiles.

“Yeah, you can treat me on a date,” he replies a little too boldly. You look at him in shock, not quite processing his words.

“A date?”

He nods.

“We should go out sometime.”

You purse your lips to prevent the huge grin about to be displayed on your face.

“We should.”

—

Present

It was subtle, the way it all started. You trace over the features you drew so far, only getting to his eyes. Yoongi and you were innocent lovers for a while, keeping your trysts a secret from everyone in the company except his managers and the members. A few of your friends knew, but none of them knew BTS well enough to be all that surprised. It wasn’t all that rare to go out with a celebrity in your line of work.

You almost miss those days when he was unrecognizable. After your friends realized who he was after he hit it big globally, you felt like a secret of yours was displayed to them. Your love was supposed to be private, but his fame left very little room for privacy. You missed when you were the only one that knew of him and maybe it’s selfish to think that way, but you were past the point of being selfish.

You text back.

yeah, can't wait to see you

—

Jan. 2015

Yoongi lays you down on the couch gently. His hands caressing your sides underneath the thin material of your shirt as he pulls you in closer to his kisses. This felt different from other nights, different in that there was nothing around to stop what would come next.

He pulls away from you slightly, panting from the lack of oxygen.

“Are you sure?” he asks, drawing circles on your hip with his thumb. He was only supposed to come over to help you unpack some stuff for your new apartment and here you were, pinned on the couch and sweating from the close contact.

You nod back in response, not finding the right words to get him to continue. He pulls your shirt over your head, peppering kisses on your neck and atop your breasts. He fixates on your neck languidly, biting as he sees fits.

There was a pause as you felt him press up against you and you knew then that there was no making it to the bed. You would have your first time with him on this newly moved-in couch.

The clothes dropped to the ground as his touches get more impatient, more desperate. It all passes by like a blur and you could only remember the pleasure that came with his long fingers, the satisfaction you felt when he was inside you. The climax of it all made you realize that you loved him, truly and without regret. He holds you in his arms when you come undone, flashing a satiated smile as you look up at him. It’s like the stars were in his eyes.

“How do you feel?” you ask him, worried he was already drowsy. You didn’t want to have to sleep on the couch naked.

“Satisfied,” he says with a smile on his face.

You can’t help but swoon, his eyes fixated on you. At least for now, he was yours He wasn’t Suga, a rapper. He was Yoongi, your boyfriend.

It didn't matter to you that he was struggling to make a name for himself in this cut-throat idol industry or that he would spend countless nights cursing as one of his numerous tracks get rejected. None of that was in your mind. Only he swam through your thoughts. Only him.

“I love you,” he sighs out. He was the first to say it.

“I love you too,” you reply back and he holds you tight against him.

He’s nuzzling himself in your hair, his chest pressed up against you so his heartbeat can synch with yours. He loves this, can’t get enough of it. He catches your lips and once again you are whisked in the pleasure of it all. This is it. This is what love is.

—

Present

The piece is finally finished and you send it off to your client, hoping she doesn’t ask for revisions because you can’t handle another second of drawing his stupid face. His soft skin, his tiny moles, his gummy smile...

It's not like you hate him. It’s just... a certain contempt lingers after a breakup from a long-term relationship. It’s the type of resentment that can’t really be explained. You don’t want to see him, but you catch yourself watching his videos on Youtube. You don’t want to think about him, but you hope he thinks about you. You don’t see yourself ever getting back together with him, but you don’t have his phone number blocked.

It’s a sort of paradox you catch yourself in and you wonder if you could ever get out of it. Will Yoongi ever escape your mind?

can't wait to see u too babe

—

Aug. 2016

Yoongi hugs you from behind, his face scrunched at the nape of your neck where several marks were made from last night’s events. Your eyes stayed focus on the TV in front of you, still impressed by your own ability to afford one in your bedroom at your salary.

“BTS' SUGA drops new music video for his song and mixtape Agust D...”

The news anchor drones on and you could barely hear her through the sounds of Yoongi’s soft snores. His hold on you grew tighter as he hears his stage name from an unfamiliar voice and it makes you giggle slightly at how different the edgy music video being displayed was from the same person wrapping you in his arms so tightly.

“Babe, wake up. I have work to do,” you whisper into his hair and he only shakes his head back in response.

“No,” he mutters, pulling you into him closer. You roll your eyes, managing to pry off one of his hands as you sit up on the bed.

“Don’t you have studio stuff to do today?” you ask him, searching for a shirt to wear.

He shakes his head as his eyes start to flutter open. You both reeked of alcohol since you opened a bottle of wine last night to celebrate the release of his first solo work. He was proud of it and you were proud of him.

“Can you turn that off, I’m getting a migraine,” he whines, covering his head with a pillow. You opted to wear Yoongi’s shirt instead of your own since you couldn’t be bothered to walk to the other side of the bed to find it. You smiled at his laying figure, cooped in a fetal-like position. He was still naked, but you were with him long enough to no longer be phased by that sort of thing.

“From one bottle of wine?” you tease slightly. “I think you’re losing your touch, Agust D.”

You chuckle as he throws the pillow on top of his head towards you.

“Don’t call me that,” he pouts, “It feels like you’re making fun of me.”

You stand up from where you were, stretching out your back as you make your way to the door.

“That’s because I am,” you smirk, “You know you’re saved on my phone as Sugar?”

He gives you a glare.

“It’s Suga,” he says, attempting to add some intimidation to his voice. It doesn’t work because all you do is stick your tongue out at him.

“Whatever sugar.”

He chuckles lightly and watches the silhouette of your figure exit his view. Yoongi can’t help but mindlessly follow after you.

As you exit towards the kitchen, you can’t help but hear the television from the bedroom.

“Suga has recently been caught up in a dating scandal with Suran, the solo artist, who sang with him in a song...”

Your head snaps up from those words, your skin crawling with goosebumps. You make it into the kitchen but with a heavy heart and no appetite.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, passing by you to pour himself some water.

“Nothing,” you say, though you sounded bitter. He caught on quite quickly. You were jealous again.

Yoongi heaves out a deep sigh and sets the glass of water down. He comes over to your angry figure and gives you a soft hug, laying his head on top of yours as if to comfort you. You try to pull away but he keeps you close.

“I’ll tell them to drop the rumors, okay?,” he says, genuinely enough to make you believe him. “I don’t want us to fight so early in the morning.”

“You promise?”

He pulls away.

“I promise,” he says, brushing a hair away from your face. “Let’s not think about those rumors right now. You and me both know they’re not true.”

You were never one to forget so easily.

—

It was around 2016 when you had stopped working at Big Hit. They halted the Hip Hop Monster brand and your contract was expiring with them anyway. You went from living a kush office life to struggling freelance worker in a matter of a second. It also meant that Yoongi and you would be spending less time together. His busy schedules couldn’t permit him to stay with you longer than a few hours and his presence slowly started to disappear from his side of the bed.

It was like a sinking ship, what you had with him. The pain starts off slow, unnoticeable. You’ll still laugh and keep up appearances as time passes, but you could tell there was an ominous atmosphere that wasn’t initially there in the relationship. Your screams start to grow silent as more problems start to stack on top of each other. It’s then when you hit the iceberg. It’s then when it all starts to fall apart.

He was still good for you, you convinced yourself, even as the currents swept you out under your feet.

—

Dec. 2016

“What the fuck do you mean you’re not coming?” you yell through your phone. You were sitting on the floor of your living room, holiday decorations strewn around the apartment. He promised he’d come spend a day off of his winter promotions to be with you.

“You know how hectic the end of the year gets with promotions,” he says in quiet hushes. “I can’t do anything about it. This is my job.”

You suck in your cheeks to prevent yourself from yelling. From the sound of it, he was in public.

“Yoongi, I called out of talking to a really high-paying client,” you say through gritted teeth. “And I still came home. Why am I the only one making sacrifices?”

He sighed at the other end. He didn’t have the patience to deal with you today.

“Look, can you stop being so fucking needy. I don’t need this right now.”

He couldn’t tell from the phone call, but your heart broke at the word. Needy. He thought that you were needy.

“I’m already stressed out as it is,” he continues through the phone. “I don’t need you up my ass all the time.”

“I’m not gonna wait for you,” you reply, tears threatening to spill over. “I’m going to sleep and you’re gonna get rid of all the shit you have in my apartment. I’m sick of you, Yoongi.”

He scoffs.

“I’m sick of you too.”

Yoongi hangs up, about ready to hit the wall when Jimin comes to calm him down. Small things that were never meant to be taken seriously built up until it was ready to crash down.

When Yoongi comes at night to visit you, he sees that you’re asleep on the couch. He sits next to you, pulling you into his arms.

“I’m sorry baby,” he whispers quietly. “I’ll do better.”

You nuzzled closer to him, comforted by words you forget the next day. Even when you woke up with a bad neck and Yoongi snoring onto your skin, you couldn’t find a way to stay mad at him. You knew, deep down, that some way or the other you’re gonna find yourself arguing about the same thing next week.

—

Present

Junghoon comes to pick you up. Junghoon, your boyfriend.

He’s a little uptight and too stern for his own good, but has a good heart and a knack of giving great gifts. You met him from working in the same industry, a 3D graphics designer for several video game companies. He was a new addition to your life, your relationship only about three months old.

You were warming up to him slowly, thankful for finally having a consistent presence in your life. He always made time for you, never used work as an excuse, and didn’t act cold just for the sake of acting cold. Junghoon was sweet in the way that Yoongi used to be when he wasn’t such a massive celebrity.

It was a relief to have someone like Junghoon in your life that didn’t walk in and out of your door without much of a thought to even say goodbye. Your life with him has been a tad bit dull, but you don’t mind all that much. Junghoon’s made you feel secure in ways that Yoongi couldn’t.

—

May 2017

“Your boyfriend is winning a whole ass award across the world and you’re having ramen with me?” Chaerin sighs. It’s typical for a best friend to judge the actions of the other.

“Yeah and?” you reply snarkily, swirling your chopstick around to find the perfect clump of noodles. “I’m not the top social artist according to Billboard, what’s it have to do with me?”

She rolls her eyes at you.

“I don’t know, you could at least watch him win the award?” she suggests. “The live stream is literally happening right now. Your boyfriend is making history and you don’t even care!”

You look at the clock on the restaurant wall. It was nearing 2 o’clock and your client meeting would be starting soon. You were in high demand as a graphic artist recently and as far as you were concerned, that was the only thing on your mind at the moment. You stare back into your bowl, suddenly losing your appetite.

“The apartment is lonely without him,” you admit sadly.

He bought one for himself and had you move in. ‘It’s easier to not get noticed by the tabloids,’ he convinced you. The modern sleekness of his penthouse was a nice change to your lifestyle, but you missed the comfiness of your small studio apartment. It was often too cold when he wasn’t around.

“You could watch it with me?” Chaerin suggested. “Yoongi’s probably so sad that his own girlfriend doesn’t even want to watch him win such a major award.”

You bite down on your chopstick harshly.

“Well he didn't even want me to come with him so I don’t wanna hear anymore about him from you.”

Chaerin squinted her eyes in your direction.

“Well I mean I get where he’s coming from. He’s still an idol, [Y/N],” she scolds. “It would be a massive risk to take you with him.”

You shook your head disapprovingly, pushing the bowl away from you.

“I’m not an idiot, Chae. It’s not like I was asking to be on the red carpet with him, I just wanted to be there waiting in the hotel room after the show. Two nights ago he suddenly backs out and says I shouldn’t come.”

Chaerin’s jaw dropped out of shock. That wasn’t what she was expecting at all.

“Did he say why?”

You stare down at your nails, your heart growing heavy as a long pause of silence takes place. It would be better to be honest, right? You shouldn’t have to pretend like everything’s okay when it clearly isn’t.

“He said he wants space,” you say, careful not to get choked up. “So I’m giving it to him.”

You clutch your thigh instinctively, remembering how Yoongi had brought that up with you just nights before. You two weren’t happy and that he needed to figure himself out before the relationship gets any worse. It’s just a break or whatever bullshit he spouted.

She scoffs.

“What is wrong with you two?” she asks, genuinely concerned. “You are not the type of person to take a break in a relationship.”

You stare bitterly into the reflection of your soup.

“I just don’t think I’ve been happy for a while,” you reply, taking a sip of your water that was left untouched for a better half of the night. “I don’t think he is either.”

—

Sept. 2017

The break lasted for months and you wondered if it was really even a break at all. It felt more like a break up if you were honest. He’d text once in a while and video call you when he was free but other than that it felt like he became a stranger, just another celebrity billboard you walked past on your way to a client’s workplace.

You’d draw sketches of him countlessly, in fear you’d forget how his face looked in real life and not through a low-quality screen. You etched every baby hair, every small blemish he’d hide with makeup. It was your method of not forgetting who the real Yoongi was because honestly, you didn’t know anymore. You didn’t know him.

Trrrringggg.

The sound of your doorbell could be heard all throughout your apartment. You stood up from where you sat on the bed, leaving the sketchbook of his face on the comforter. You weren’t expecting any visitors, but surely enough, Yoongi stood in front of you with a lopsided grin on his face.

“Hey.”

You let him in, not uttering a single word. He looks different now. His hair was black, thank god, but his face was a little softer than you were used to. You remember him being so paranoid about turning bald just a few years ago and here he was, no bald spots to be found. He looked healthy.

“It’s been a while,” you respond, hugging your arms close to your chest, uncomfortable that he was in your presence. It was his apartment technically, but you lived in it more than he did. He opted to stay in the dorm ever since he issued that idiotic break.

“I miss you,” he says in a lowly voice and you almost believe him. Almost.

You scoff.

“It seems like you’ve been having fun without me though,” you say through gritted teeth. “I thought you still wanted space?”

He shakes his head and brings his hand to touch your arm.

“No,” he swallows his saliva. “I miss you.”

You could feel his sincerity, but you can’t help but not trust him. He’s been viciously cold to you, but you find yourself pulling him closer anyway.

“Don’t ever do that again,” you threaten. “It’ll really be over then, Yoongi.”

He sighs into your hair. He loves you. He does. But he doesn’t know why it’s so hard to express it.

“I promise [Y/N]. I won’t leave.”

—

Aug. 2018

He buys you flowers, your favorite kind. It’s a small gesture, but it has you jumping into his arms all the same. It shows that he still cares somewhat. It’s been a while since he’s last shown it.

He holds you closely, appreciating the softness of your body and how you curl perfectly into him.

“I want to stay like this,” you say mindlessly, just relishing in his presence.

You’re not mad at him today and he’s not frustrated with you. It’s a high point in your relationship.

“Me too.”

His words are simple but it warms your heart nonetheless. Yoongi looks at you with twinkling eyes and for a moment you think that this could last forever and that it will last forever. You kiss him slowly and he reciprocates.

It reminds you of your first time, slow and careful- like you were the last person he’d ever want to hurt.

His love, although painful at times, was good to you when you needed it to be.

—

July 2019

Yoongi’s gone again. He’s on tour, as usual, and not giving you any updates. You were getting sick of it. The constant waiting, the constant insecurities that ate you up inside. You weren’t built to endure this kind of torture.

Suga. Suga. Suga.

It rolls off the tongue but it feels disgusting coming out of your mouth. His stage name, a persona. He starts to resemble that name more and more as the days go by. You hear it so much now that it no longer registers as an actual word.

You call him.

He doesn’t pick up.

Again.

No answer.

You’re about ready to throw the phone at the wall until a soft ring was heard from the small device. You take the call immediately, smiling as if you passed the hardest difficulty of a video game. The grin would soon be wiped away, though.

“Why’d you call?” he grumbles from the other line, loud music blasting in the background.

“Why weren’t you picking up?” You sound bitter. You don’t care.

“I’m out right now,” he says, exasperation laced in his voice. “I’m not in the mood to talk.”

Clearly, he just wasn’t in the mood to talk to you. Yoongi was at a party or a club or wherever he could possibly be in the streets of Shizuoka at 10 p.m.

You just wanted to chat, check on him as a good girlfriend would. He’s been complaining that you haven’t been in a while. You thought this was what he wanted- for you to care.

“I just wanted to see if you were doing okay,” you sigh. “How’d the concert go?”

“Good,” he says, clearly distracted. “Some of us snuck out of the hotel rooms to let loose for a bit.”

You nod as if he could see you.

“So you’re partying?”

You could hear him laugh at the other end, but it wasn’t from your comment. Someone else was making him laugh. Someone with a light and dainty voice, whiny as she got closer to Yoongi.

“Yeah, I guess you could call it that,” he says, clearly distracted. “Listen I’ll call you back, okay?”

You feel a lump stuck in your throat. There are no words left to say. The foreign girl on the other end giggled harder at whatever Yoongi was saying and it felt like you were invading their privacy- as if she was his girlfriend and you were nothing. You hung up, your mouth feeling dry as the tears poured down.

You see a text from Yoongi just a few seconds into your wallowing. You sniffle as you read it.

don’t misunderstand. nothing’s happening rn i'm just having a bit of fun.

This time you really threw your phone at the wall.

You go to your iPad that’s sitting untouched on your desk. You open your drawing app and just let the anger in the stylus take you from there. You draw a rough sketch of a couple on the edge of a beachside cliff. The woman seems to be falling into the water as if she was pushed. The guy’s hand reaches out to her, but you can’t really tell if he was trying to grab her or if he was the one that let her go in the first place.

As the tears spilled onto the cool surface of the iPad, you sob harder. Nothing could be fixed and everything still felt broken. It was meaningless, sleeping in his bed and wearing his clothes when he was all the way in Japan snuggling up to girls that were probably much prettier and much more willing to understand his lifestyle.

You look around the penthouse he had bought for the two of you, beautiful wide panel windows and modern furniture. It mostly looks empty, everything nice and tidy as if no one lived here. It had such a stark contrast to that of his old life when he shared rooms with other members and had no place to really put his keyboard except the studio. You smiled at the memory of you all hovering around the small coffee table in the cramped living room eating ramen.

Maybe it was your fault for falling behind, for letting the world around you build up and not follow in Yoongi’s tracks.

—

Present

You guess it was then when the relationship had passed a point of no return. When everything that felt right had started to feel incredibly wrong. You tolerated his presence rather than bask in it. You heard him speak but couldn’t bother to listen. Maybe you were petty, but more than anything you were angry.

You were angry that he could break you that badly and you would still forgive him for it.

You stare over at Junghoon who’s cooking you up something on the stove. This is what you needed.

—

Nov. 2019

Yoongi was back from some big-name award show that you didn’t watch. You heard he won Artist of the Year or whatever, the accolades that he’s collected no longer having meaning as the days pass. Why be happy for him when he himself showed no signs of excitement? This was routine. He expected the awards at this point.

You walked towards him. Yoongi looked angry, though you have no idea why.

“Hey, I made dinner to celebrate,” you tell him. Yoongi’s sitting on the couch, scrolling through the congratulatory messages he received from other industry stars. He looked like he needed to get something off his chest.

“I’m not hungry,” he mutters. “Just leave it.”

“Are you sure?”

He scoffs. It was a simple question.

“Not in the mood.”

You give him a pointed look and sit next to him.

“Why are you never in the mood for anything?” you ask him. “It’s just food Yoongi. I just want to eat with you.”

You don’t see it properly but he rolls his eyes.

“Just drop it okay? Today’s a good day, I don’t need you to ruin it.”

You suck in your cheeks.

“Ruin?”

Yoongi sighs heavily.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he starts, facing you. “Why do you have to be so dramatic over everything.”

You grit your teeth.

“Dramatic?” your voice quivers. “I didn’t know feeling hurt was being dramatic.”

His gaze softens and he touches your arm lightly.

“Sorry, I didn't mean it like that.”

You shake your head, feeling your eyes dampen at his words.

“I hate your apologies, Yoongi,” you say in a hushed tone. “They don’t mean anything anymore.”

He’s shocked, not really sure how to respond. You were never one to confront him, especially when he was angry. Instead, he holds your hand softly. He was terrible at comforting people.

“Yoongi are you really sorry?” you ask abruptly. It was a question you’ve been meaning to ask for years now.

His grip on you tightened and you can’t quite read his expression, but you can tell that it’s not a positive response. He looks conflicted and he shouldn’t have to be if he really was. You force him to let go of you.

“I am,” he says, knowing he answered a little too late for his words to not seem suspicious.

“I don’t think you are,” you reply sadly. “You say sorry more than you-”

say I love you.

He doesn’t let you finish the sentence because he knows. He knows what you’re trying to say.

“I am,” he says with more sincerity, but he looks at you with an unreadable expression. “I just don’t think it’s enough at this point.”

“What’s not enough?”

You were confused. Is he still talking about whether he's apologetic or not? Or is it something entirely different?

“I do love you,” he says with a certain conviction in his voice, “and I always will, but it feels like nothing’s working out.”

Yoongi doesn’t look at you and focuses on the leather of the fancy couch. He doesn’t say anything but you know what this means. He’s about to stand up, but you grab onto his wrist.

“This is your apartment,” you say before he could say anything to break your heart even further. “I’ll leave.”

“[Y/N], no,” he says. “You don’t have anywhere else to go. I’m just gonna stay over at the dorm. I just...”

Your eyes get blurry from the tears. Even now it felt like he was looking down at you. Nowhere to go. It was like he pitied you.

“...need to go clear my mind,” he finishes the sentence, standing up to grab his coat.

You shake your head and stand in front of him. He’s usually like this. A coward. A bumbling fool who would rather avoid problems than face them head on.

“I need you to stay, Yoongi,” you cry out. “I need you to actually stay for once and comfort me.”

He looks at you, mouth open but no words come out. He smiles sadly and walks toward you, kissing your cheek.

“I don’t think I can do that anymore, [Y/N],” he says and you watch him leave as easily as he walked in.

It’s not like he ever comforted you in the first place.

—

The break up happened silently over a late-night phone call a few days after he disappeared on you. You packed up your things, stayed over at Chaerin’s house, and braced yourself for what was to come. It should’ve happened sooner, you admit, but your heart still sinks when he speaks.

“I just don’t think either of us is willing to try anymore,” he says solemnly. “We’ve been on and off for the past few years and I don’t think it’s healthy for either of us to continue.”

You agree, just wanting the call to end quickly so you wouldn’t have to hear his voice any longer. It hurt to have to listen to him rationalize breaking your heart.

“I don’t think we should be together anymore, [Y/N],” he says, not even a tiny bit choked up. “I think we’ve... outgrown each other.”

You knew what Yoongi really meant. He’s outgrown you.

“I think so too,” you say rigidly. Short and simple. You left nothing to be desired. “Let’s break up.”

Yoongi looks at his phone, slightly disappointed. He wished you would fight back, maybe rekindle something in him that he’s lost over the years. Yet you were silent on the line and he just had to accept it- that there was nothing left to be saved.

“Take care, okay?” he says softly because in the end he still cares- he just doesn’t want to anymore.

“I will,” you reply, ultimately hanging up the phone. You collapse onto a bed unfamiliar to you. Yoongi would no longer sleep beside you, no longer reach over to hug your side and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. He was gone and you had to accept that maybe he was never yours in the first place.

His last words replay in your mind.

Take care.

That was the most concern he’s ever shown you in the past few weeks. You almost scoff at the absurdity of it all. You don’t notice how truly broken you were until the tears start streaming down your face. You see the image of him through blurry eyes and you wonder how you could let Yoongi leave such a permanent scar on your heart.

—

Present

“Do you like your eggs runny or no?”

Junghoon asks as you approach his figure. You hug him from behind and smile at his warmth. Safe.

“Just a little runny,” you reply.

He smiles and nods, turning off the heat and grabbing some seasoning from your cupboard. You detach yourself from him when you realized what he was grabbing.

“Babe that’s not salt. That’s-”

Sugar.

You stop yourself from saying it and Junghoon looks at you with concern. He chuckles at your stoic state and ruffles your hair.

“Cat got your tongue or what?” he asks, grabbing the right container this time. “Maybe I should’ve asked if you like your eggs sweet instead, huh?”

“I’ve never tried that combination before,” you say teasingly. “Why don’t you test it out for us.”

He clicks his tongue at you and splashes some salt on your face.

“I’ll pour sugar all over you if that’s what you really want.”

You laugh half-heartedly. A simple word shouldn’t affect you this much but you find yourself get more teary-eyed as it repeats in your head. It wasn’t fair to Junghoon that you were thinking of your ex in his presence. It wasn’t fair to you either.

You feel a vibration from your pocket and you pull it out to serve as a distraction from your wallowing thoughts. It’s a text.

From Sugar.

—

A/N: This was so hard to write because my mind has just been empty these days but I’m so glad it’s done now >_< Thank you to @minyoongail for requesting this story. I’ve been bumping to the Taylor Swift song now because of this commissions T^T I recommend you all to listen to it. I tried to write this in a different style from my other works so I hope this is still readable for you all LOL

I’m closing commissions temporarily to focus on the ones I have now and to also start writing my own stuff. Let me know how you feel about this, I appreciate all types of comments and criticisms <3 Look forward to Part 2!

508 notes · View notes

lutrain2020 · 4 years

Text

Meet the Creator!

Introducing: Squido!

Commission: I haven't and don't really intend to. I don't want to take anyone's hard-earned money. Just ask me to draw things and there's a good chance I will.

Social Media: Tumblr: @sky-squido AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sky_squido/pseuds/sky_squido

Tell us a little bit about yourself!

Call me Squido! I love to draw and write but I'm also super extraverted and I love interacting with humans so always feel free to chat with me! Aside from drawing and writing, I just love being outside and have a tumblr sideblog dedicated exclusively to nature photos I take. I love mountains, the ocean, the sky, and just about everything else in this beautiful world of ours! If you ever feel like having an internet stranger give you a thousand word rant, ask me why my favorite color is blue and you will not be disappointed!

What got you into creating? what inspires you to keep creating?

I've been drawing for as long as I can remember and can't seem to stop, though I take long breaks sometimes I always seem to come back to it again. I try not to have anything in mind when I draw, but to start sketching and let the drawing happen. Sometimes I find that what I'm trying to draw is not what my drawing wants to be (if that makes any sense) and change what I'm making halfway through. It makes drawing a really relaxing and carefree therapeutic experience! Writing is different. I've always enjoyed writing, but I didn't write much and never shared my writing with anyone because I thought it was super pretentious. It wasn't until entering High School and joining the literature club and making a deal with a friend that we'd share our writing with each other that I actually gained any sort of confidence in my ability and sought to improve it. Being in that club and sharing my pieces at the open mics was a really encouraging experience! I invite everyone to share their writing, even if it's with some random internet stranger (I'm open anytime!) if they're unsure of their abilities. A little encouragement goes a long way! Now that I'm on Discord, ao3, and tumblr, I receive so much more feedback than I ever have before! It's been super encouraging! What inspires me most is definitely nature. Even if my ideas aren't directly related to the outdoors, I get my best ideas there. Fandoms are also a great idea generator. The sheer volume of headcanons and prompts is enough to make me dizzy with ideas!

What's your creative process like?

I love sketching. My favorite thing about drawing digitally is that I can sketch as much as I like and never worry about wasting materials! Often times my sketches turn themselves into drawings without permission and other times they stubbornly remain sketches for all eternity. I always dive right in because I have no patience and the idea I started out with generally isn't that great but in the process of pursuing it, it spirals out of control and sometimes the idea gets better and sometimes it gets worse but I just kinda roll with it. Creating is a really chill process for me and while I regularly scream stuff like "I'M DRAWING ON THE WRONG LAYER NONONONONONO" or "NO HECK FRICK SHOOT IT SMUDGED HECK HECK GET THE ERASER QUICK," the creative process is a great way for me to unwind. I'm the same way about writing. I never plan or outline and just kind of roll with things. I mean I generally have the basic jist in mind, but I try to not have a plan so I can keep the story driven by the characters and not force them into acting the way I wanted them to in the outline I made hours or even days ago. Creating is my opportunity to break free so I don't really see what good a plan or outline does me. I'm a pretty spontaneous person!

What kind of mediums do you like to use?

I like to take pictures, but it's not really my main focus. I've been mostly digitally drawing—I use my iPad Pro and Procreate—but lately I've been pencil sketching with just your average everyday mechanical pencil (I'd forgotten how nice the texture of paper was! Clearly I spent too much time drawing on my iPad!). I have these Stabilio chalk pastels I love to pieces, but have also spent a great deal of time with watercolors. Digital is my primary medium currently, though.

Is there a specific scene wrote that you are particularly proud of?

"Sky’s golden scales are glowing with reflected light from the sun while beneath them, the same pulsing blue in her mane runs like a river as her very skin is alive with electricity. The sun’s beginning to dip, fading through the color wheel from yellow to deep orange to scarlet and the world is bathed in watercolor and hue shifted through the rainbow until all that was blue becomes red. This new alien world begins to darken as red fades to deep purple-pink, the clouds catching last vestiges of gold in their pillowy folds, yet Sky continues rippling with lighting, the bright blue flowing like blood through her veins and the gold shimmering in the eerie azure glow. We weave through the winds and zephyrs and I close my eyes and let the breeze caress my hair and when I reopen them, I’m standing back on the ground again in a world long since darkened by night. I place my hand over my beating heart where Sky is still laughing with joy and smile because once you’ve awakened your dragon, you don’t need wings to fly anymore."

Is there someone who inspires you and your writing or art?

Every fanartist and fanfic writer that posts their stuff online is an inspiration to me. Even if their stuff isn't very good—especially if it isn't very good—it's a huge testament to the courage of the creator and their bravery in expressing themself! I sat on fanfic and fanart for years and never shared it and here were kids half my age putting out art that was their first experiment in a new medium and a little shaky but it was still out there and they were still being supported by the community and that really inspired me to reach out and stop lurking in fandom and actually get involved!

is there something that you struggled with that made you grow as a creator?

I feel like everyone has these periods where they were just gaining confidence in their artistic ability but suddenly everything they make is trash and they're not happy with any of it and they feel so down and worthless and "where did all of my hard-earned ability go? Will I ever get it back?" I think this is a pretty common experience and when I find myself there, I find it most helpful to share what I make anyway, even if I hate it, with someone who I know will give it to me straight because they'll point out the deeper problems—the root of the issue—that I hadn't even noticed and I can use that information to grow as an artist. Bad pieces are just as valuable as good ones. There was also a time where I had a lot of trouble developing a style. I did a lot of experimenting and never found anything I liked. What happened is I just kept drawing and whatever popped out eventually evolved into my style. I used to get frustrated that I couldn't draw anything without a reference, but after years and years of using references and drawing some of the same things over and over again, you won't need the references anymore. I mean, they're great and you should always feel free to use them, but over time, you won't need to look up a picture of every little thing you try to doodle.

What got you into writing or art?

My silly twitchy fingers can't ever seem to stop drawing! Same with writing. Words and ideas follow me around, little plot bunnies pestering me until they get written down somewhere. I was greatly inspired by the works of C.S. Lewis in my writing, especially his Cosmic Trilogy. My art style was aided by Hiromu Arakawa's Fullmetal Alchemist, which was a valuable stepping stone in developing my own style. Other than that, it was my own insatiable desire to MAKE THINGS that spurred me onwards. I don't think I could stop if I tried!

What's your favorite part of the creative process?

After you've got that first paragraph and you've found a flow and you've got a topic and you just GO. I get into the zone and the story starts happening on its own and I'm not an author anymore, I'm just a channel between the world of the piece and the page. That's my favorite. I love watching things take shape. I love shading a sketch for these same reasons. The whole drawing comes together and becomes A Thing and it's the most exciting time to be a creator. Something else inside you has taken over and you're just along for the ride. I have no idea if my experiences are common at all but this is what it's like for me!

What's your least favorite part of the creative process?

EDITING. I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE. THE THING IS DONE. WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP LOOKING AT IT. CAN I POST IT YET. This leaves me with a lot of holes in what I make and I can't do a very clean, super detailed drawing unless it's for an art class and I'm forced to keep working on it. I have a terrible habit of never proofreading my things!

What's your favorite type of scene to write?

AAH hard question! I love writing description and places where I can really let my inner 19th century romantic be unleashed but I also love a good emotional moment between two characters. Something tense. I like fight scenes, but I try to keep them brief and interesting. Sometimes I find scenes where I have no idea what's going on and I try to avoid that, but it's really hard sometimes.

What's the hardest for you to create?

I have so much trouble with endings. I can generally figure something out, but there's always a moment of panic before the end like "heck I wrote everything I wanted how do I wrap this up????" That's probably a byproduct of me planning nothing XD I sometimes have trouble with characterization and making sure everyone acts the way they actually would. The hardest part is continuing after you have an "oh heck what do I do now" moment that breaks you out of your zone and all of your ideas and plot threads turn invisible or evaporate or go wherever it is they go when you're looking for them.

What's your favorite genre to write?

ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST. Wellll... scratch that. I love something adventure-y and plot driven with a lot of really meaningful character interactions. I've always had trouble putting my writing into genres, but I guess that kind of speaks for itself in a way.

What fandoms do you enjoy creating for?

Linked Universe is the fandom I have created and posted the most for by a LONG SHOT. I found LU shortly after making my tumblr and I joined the Discord shortly thereafter. Since then, it has been nonstop inspiration and creativity for me! I tend to get sucked into one fandom and it consumes me for a few months before I silently drift out of it and never think about it again. LU is the fandom I've been the most active in EVER though—and it's still going—so there's a good chance I'm never getting off this ride.

What's the work you are most proud of?

AAAAAAAAAAH MY BABIES. okay um here's the first and only fanfic I've ever posted anywhere but I'm really happy with: https://sky-squido.tumblr.com/post/618964544219463680/turn-back-time-a-linked-universe-fanfic I have a lot of other pieces kicking about, but they're not fandom so I haven't shared them yet. I probably will after I touch them up a bit.

Do you have any fics inspired by real life stories?

Not really? I don't really know where my ideas come from to be honest!

Where do you post your finished works?

my tumblr. I tag stuff #squido writes and #squido draws so you can find them easily. I also put them on the discord but they get lost in the stream of other works pretty quickly so stick to my tumblr. I also have an ao3 now! https://archiveofourown.org/users/sky_squido

If you have any fun stories about the pieces you made, please do share!

Turn Back Time was actually live written in the Discord, but entirely unplanned and in the #angst channel! It was just a headcanon but then I started describing it and like 2 hours and 5k words later I'm sitting in the Discord like "what just happened??"

#Meet The Creator #lutrain2020 #linkeduniverse #lu

33 notes · View notes

theories-just-for-funzies · 4 years

Text

“What’s the very worst thing you can do to your very best friends? Tell them your darkest secret, because if you tell them, and they decide they’d rather not know... You can’t take it back. You can’t unsay it. Once you’ve opened your heart, you can’t close it again.”

This is the second post I’m making about BBC Sherlock S4 (or anything about any fandom, really). You can find the first one here, the topic is almost the same. I’m really slow in writing down my theories in a way that is comprehensible by others, so I’m sorry if i don’t have a lot for the moment. Read this with the knowledge that I firmly believe in TJLC as explained by Rebekah on YouTube, and that S4 is not real as we see it, but is telling us what we need to know before they release S5 (or the special if that’ll come first) through unusual ways, TJLC style.

I think here Culverton smith is mirroring the writers, and his friends are the viewers. During the whole scene we have TONS of mirrored shots in the windows, most of it infact. In all of the previous seasons mirrors and character shots in mirrors were there to signal “hey this character is currently mirroring this other thing”, so idk it might be even this time??

Faith when she’s still drugged and tries to remember something about the conference, the first shot of her that we see, she’s in a mirror, even the desk reflect her image. Wander which part of the audience Faith is mirroring? Yeah, you guessed it. The tjlc fandom. The ones that analyze things. The ones that are questioning.

And the nurses? Idk, I’ve never seen a nurse that’s just putting an IV wearing a mask (unless under special circumstances of course), it never happens even when you’re taking blood samples, it just doesn’t ring right to me. So, who are the nurses? They’re people working for Culverton, they know what’s happening, they know what the solution is and what it does, they know how to administrate it, but they leave the room in the moment of confession. The nurses are mirroring BBC Sherlock’s crew.

If you’ve never worked on a set let me tell you: nobody, apart from the smallest possible amount of selected people, knows the whole picture, they can’t risk it, usually it’s just the writers, the producers, and most f the times the main actor; everyone else just knows the smallest informations to do their single job of adjusting the lights or hair for that single scene just like it’s written in their schedule.

So the crew knows partially what they’re doing, but they can’t speak, because their mouth is covered.

I’m thinking this is exactly the reason of S4. S4 is the memory drug. Everything made sense till now, tjlc was more and more evident, it was extremely obvious to everyone that johnlock was an actual thing, i mean just look at the sign of three, MY MOM THOUGHT THEY WERE CANONICALLY IN LOVE BEFORE I EVEN DID (at the time the fandom wasn’t the greatest so I avoided pretty much anything that wasn’t fan fictions or fan art, and just thought it was queer bait). Everything was super clever and well made. And then S4 came. A cheap Hollywood movie where nothing made sense and with john and sherlock great platonic friendship. And it was the last season so how could you not except what they already gave you and still want more, right?

Wrong. S4 is either complete bullshit or a distortion of what actually happens.

Culverton say that he can’t say his darkest secret because he can’t take it back, yet he does tell, and he does take it back.

The show does say that sherlock and john love each other (and are still pining) but S4 takes that back. You want the distorted version? Ok. Sherlock does explicitly says the words “i love you” in S4 to Molly in a physical mirror, a character’s mirror for John, whose description of the coffin perfectly fits John. The show does say that the writers aren’t stupid and aren’t making a tv show that’s just a blockbuster action movie, with cheap Hollywood effects and made up physic laws. Yet S4 takes that back.

The whole thing they kept saying in earlier seasons about “making history of television” and “making unprecedented things”? What unprecedented things? That was extreamely cheap cinematic, with really poor writings and a rip off of James Bond and classic horror movies. Nothing about S4 was memorable or relevant.

They already said everything they had to say (for the moment) but then they couldn’t leave the public waiting for another 6 years before S5 with all that hope and knowledge. Especially considering the fandom suspected even the phone\heart metaphor before ASiB even aired. Leave those people with the tiniest hope and you’d find your plans stripped naked for everyone to see in less than half of that hiatus. That’s really not Moffat style, he needs to give you hope, rip your heart open, surprise you leaving you gasping, only then he can make another plot twist and make everything super beautiful again and making you crying because it’s too many emotions.

So they said their things before S4, the fans that were still not sold on johnlock or didn’t want it canon were the friends who would rather not know, they went on with the brain washing of S4, and said “ok, we’re done here, nothing else to see, the show is finished, good night”. But just as with Faith’s story you can reconstruct if not all, part of what happened; because i don’t know if you noticed, but S4 doesn’t have a lot of plot holes, it is one single gigantic plot hole.

But what happens if they kill everyone just like Culverton Smith said? What happens if they make S4 so bad and destroy everything they said up until now with the show itself? What happens if the same people that were able to decode everything suddenly lost any faith because they were let down so much they just let the fandom die, and there was no one left to analyze what they were actually saying?

Everyone would forget all about TJLC and about how clever of a show it was. They would erase the whole show from people’s memories, letting it pass by like any other show that’s there to fill your Sunday evening.

Also there’s another thing that doesn’t sit right with me, although i don’t have any proof backing this up and am not sure of what I’m saying, it’s basically just speculation, but still. TD12 package:

obviously this drug doesn’t exist, the only thing i came across with that name is a percussion sound module, you’re welcome to make your own theories with this informations since i know absolutely nothing about music technology and am not the smartest tool in the shed when it comes to music theories or clues.

I presume TD12 it’s something along the line of saline solution, since Sherlock made that replacement himself later in the episde, my research (because i also have no knowledge about medical stuff) told me that saline solution has en expiration time of roughly 2 years. On the package we see that the expiration’s date is October 2018, so counting back, assuming Culverton got the drug shortly before doing his speach, the scene takes place somewhere around October 2016. Wander what happened in October 2016?

On BBC Sherlock official YouTube channel they release just one video: Sherlock Series 4 release date. Now. You might say I’m looking a little to much into it, but if you go check the release dates of the other YouTube videos you would see that they usually don’t post just one video per month, that’s the only one around that time period. Idk if you ask me it’s a lot of strange coincidences.

Anyway, in the scene he then says “these drip feeds will keep the drug in your blood streams at exactly the right levels. Nothing that is happening to you now will stay with you for more than a few minutes. I’m afraid that some of the memories you’ve had up to this point might also be... corrupted.”.

So the victims starting now, will continue to take the drug for the next idk 30 minutes???? But apparently some of the events preceding that moment can be “corrupted”. Translated: everything starting from October 2016 is fucked up because of the drug, not only that, but also some things from before that. I’m guessing the “drips” would be the little occasional posts or news??

Might I add the information that in December 2018 the escape room Sherlock the game is now opened? Like, i know it’s not October, maybe I’m just looking where i want to look, but... I genuinely don’t know, that’s why I’m sharing things, so that people with a more objective point of view can come and say to me “hey you’re not making any sense, what the fuck are you talking about”.

And overall, I’m not native English speaker, but I don’t think you say “corrupted” when talking about human memories. It sounds more something used in the context of digital memories, usually it’s files that gets corrupted, not human brain memories.

23 notes · View notes

wrathfulspark · 4 years

Text

@xreznikovx

Tamryn managed to avoid Elidi almost entirely since she had heard her apologize for not being there for the human girl. To Tamryn, the whole reason Elidi had in fact not been there was due to them being away. In the she wolf’s eyes they had nothing to be sorry about. However the entire display that day had shifted Tamryn’s energy entirely towards both the witch and wiccan.

Tamryn often ignored an onslaught of messages from others though she never thought she would find herself to be out right avoiding the efforts of her lover. The very idea warped her perception of the thought as she felt Elidi was to some degree apologetic for their love being in the way. The trip was so much more than just a trip to the she wolf, she was trusting and vulnerable moments that she now felt were unwanted and to some degree devalued. It crippled not only her pride, but her heart, which few were actually able to affect personally. Even though disinterest was the alpha intentions, she couldn’t find herself to actually be done with the witch entirely.

She did love Elidi, which was a rare thing Tamryn had never felt for another before. It was the sole reason when Elidi mentioned meeting up to talk in person that she was more than willing. As she approached the meeting place she held her head and her shoulder higher, her resolve seemed to harden with each step as she finally made eye contact with the witch. Her jaw tensed as her heart fluttered against her will, why was she so weak to this woman? With each step her thoughts faded as she focused more so on the reason they were in this position in the first place. Sitting by her lover’s side she looked directly at her with a stern expression upon her face, her brow arched almost as if she were expecting Elidi to speak first, and was making it clear she didn’t feel the need to speak, the look in her vivid blue hues spoke for itself.

Her gaze darted down to Elidi’s hand upon her knee, how she longed for the touch of her lover, but she would never voice that in the moment. The look she had hid well how much she needed that touch, she appeared more bothered by it than comforted though it was just the level of unphased Tamryn was maintaining, listening to her words she rolled her eyes and finally looked elsewhere as she sat back against the bench,

“You really brought me here to have the same conversation we have been having over texts and not reaching any end point with...You feel sorry too much as of late darling, its an unattractive look for you. You sure seemed to regret it when you said sorry on your knees. You also seemed to forget that she tossed you aside twice for her own benefit, yet you are sorry for not being there for her, where is she ever for you? Like a typical human, she expects forgiveness and understanding when she has done nothing to earn it. I get it Elidi, you see yourself in her, I saw that from the moment you picked her up as a student despite how she is. I also get that her family is gone now, but the issue between us, has nothing to do with her.”

At this point she was now focused directly on Elidi as she spoke,

“It has to do with me now questioning if I was falling for you faster and harder than you appeared to be falling for me. I am not sorry for us not being here. I offered her help when I caught her selling your magic. She denied it, that's on her...But to hear you apologize for not being there for her when the only reason you weren't was because we were together, going through what we through...”

She trailed off and simply growled before looking away again, she refused to show that it affected her deeper than causing her to just question things, sitting upright more she arched a brow,

“You can’t be everywhere at once, that does not mean you have to be sorry for it all the time.”

Tamryn didn't seem all the comforted in her touch, more so bothered, so she withdrew her hand, letting it reside in her lap where her gaze had fallen. Had she really messed everything up already? This was all new to her, it wasn't that bad yet, right? Just for a moment she turns her attention toward the box next to her, brows knitting together, anxiously, scared. She steadily exhaled through her nose, hesitantly lifting bright hues to stare at Tamryn.

She felt the warmth in her cheeks spread at Tamryn's words, her hues narrowing as she felt her temper flare, her hands balling into fists in her lap. The weather threatens to change, the subtle scent of rain in the wind as a breeze blows. No. She was not going to lose control, she wouldn't show it in the slightest. This wasn't about anger or fear. Elidi could manipulate all of it, all but her reddening face. "What does it matter if I am sorry? I'm not trying to be attractive, I'm being apologetic. I apologized to her and I apologized to you. She doesn't need to be there for me, I take care of myself, I am her teacher, she is not mine." Though she says nothing on the matter of how similar her and Kiki exactly were, her fingers tapping together impatiently, gaze momentarily averting. What was wrong with that too?

Tamryn's next words make her heart feel like it's stopped in her chest, her lips settling in a thin line as she turns her attention away from the Alpha completely. "How can you say that?" She asked incredulously after an awkward pause, illuminated hues stared intently at her lover, "It's like me apologizing for not being there for Kiki suddenly erased everything we've gone through together. I do feel bad. Her family is dead! You understand that right? Her mother and grandmother were literally burned to death. You telling me not to feel bad, isn't going to change that, but don't tell me that I wasn't falling for you just as fast, that you're in this deeper than I am." Elidi exhaled a huff, taking in a deep breath once more, her throat aching, "I've been honest with you from the very beginning. At the beach, on our dates, at the compound, in the forest. Hell, I'm the one who said I love you first! Yet it suddenly doesn't matter anymore? You won't even say it back." Digits drummed across her kneecap, "I looked past your former crimes, I covered Jaylah's indiscretions, I helped organize your birthday and..." She inhaled sharply, shaking her head as she broke her gaze, sighing as she rubbed her wrist where the bracelet was.

She bit the inside of her cheek as she stared down at the stone, she wondered if Tamryn could really understand how Elidi felt. Could she feel the ache in her heart, the tight pressure dead center, wanting to press her palm to her chest just to relieve some of the strain. Glossy hues rose to meet Tamryn's, gesturing idly toward the bracelet, another thing she had done for the Alpha.

"... I already told you I don't regret going with you. I loved the trip, I love you, I adored everything about it and more. I said you were my only exception, and I meant it, but I don't.. I am the one who should be asking how you feel." Reaching for the boxes, she set them gently in Tamryn's lap, moving to stuff her hands in her coat pockets. Another hand crafted project, that definitely took her blood and sweat, a tiny storm in a bottle, and one box of chocolates. "Happy Birthday."

#trch:tamryn #her: HOLD TF UP #😭😭😭😭#got me fucked up

4 notes · View notes

the-rovarians · 5 years

Text

Some Information on Rovarians

- Basic Appearance/Anatomy - *They look like the Spirit/Opportunity rovers, except for the following differences.

Average height-around six feet tall

Average weight-around 500 to 600 pounds

Two robotic humanoid arms with five-fingered hands

Midsection below the shoulders is thicker and slightly darker in color

Females have lighter-colored solar panels than males

Two pairs of eyes

One set of eyes (the bigger ones) sees like we do. The “regular” eyes. The smaller ones see in infrared

The four camera eyes are what create facial expression, with shutters and apertures.

Their voices are synthesized, but still sound completely human, making it harder for others to write them off as just robots. They're beyond that, they're people

The solar panels can fold and unfold at their owner's will, allowing parents to carry the youngest ones on their backs

- “Reproduction” (Growing the Species) -

The actual Rovarian is a combination of the parents’ programming and code, which is what contains the personality, the “soul” (do not try it with Earth computers, it won’t work. They have special alien computers that do literally nothing else but this.)

Rovarian "sex" is just two people putting code into a computer.

The new code is generated by randomly selecting parts from each parent's code. These are NOT "designer babies".

Although traits are randomly selected, this doesn't mean the child could end up with an extra arm or missing eyes or anything.

The new child's code is then sent to special replicators that produce the frame, program it with the child's new code and activated.

The child “grows” as their code and programming evolves and matures.

They start out as little Sojourner models, as their programming isn’t yet complex enough to handle a big adult body.

They stay that way from “birth” to early toddler age (about 1 or 2 years for humans) then transition to a miniature version of the adult body.

The old frame is then reused for another child, or is recycled for its resources (yeah, these guys are way smarter with their resources than a lot of today’s humans)

They continue through gradually larger versions of this frame until they’re in the adult one, which on average is somewhere around 6 feet tall (of course there are 5 and 7 foot area outliers.)

When a Rovarian dies, their frame is either recycled (for another Rovarian or for resources) or buried, depending on the wishes of the family and/or the deceased person's last requests.

This is the way historical figures are remembered. They are interned either beneath or inside their respective monuments.

- General Society Roles -

Once they reach adulthood, they’ve been schooled and educated in all the stuff that everyone needs to know.

About a Martian year (1.88 Earth years) after the transition to the adult frame, they either take on a profession as a civilian, enter the government in some way, or join the Rovarian equivalent of Starfleet (some choose to join Starfleet itself) where they eventually get posted to a ship and captain, such as Captain Kiali of the Rovarian flagship Artax.

They generally choose their names from stars (Admiral Sirius), constellations (soldiers Centaurus and Crux), or other astronomical bodies (Ensign Messier, ambassador Lady Carina).

Metal bands worn on the upper arm indicate rank, department, and specialty. Some may also have an insignia for a specific ship on their rank band.

One does not need to be in government, military, or fleet to have department and specialty bands. For example, general practice doctors will have Medical department bands, surgeons will have Medical department bands and Surgery specialty bands

- Historical Events and Achievements -

The last of a dying race found the twins (Spirit and Opportunity), and, knowing they were going to die, decided to save the rovers, giving them their own life force, as well as their own technological knowledge of how to use resources they had stored on Mars. Very little is known about this race, except Spirit and Opportunity’s hazy memories of them. Rovarian historians suspect they purposefully erased all records of themselves, though why is unclear.

The Rovarians claimed Mars as their homeworld and an evolved Spirit and Opportunity as their co-leaders.

Before official First Contact, a human military-esque group of xenophobic extremists planning to wipe them out before they could “invade and enslave us” (which never crossed their minds) ambushed a landing party with the twins (Spirit and Opportunity), who came back to visit the place and people who made them.

The twins were the only survivors, and the group stole their ship, using it to lure others to Earth, where cells of the group waited.

The Rovarian crews were overwhelmed and slaughtered, and the ships used to wage a short but bloody war on the Rovarians, with battles fought on both planets (Earth and Mars), and in space.

At one point, NASA’s Reconnaissance Orbiter took pictures of a Martian plain littered with fallen Rovarian warriors, as well as their living friends and family searching for their bodies.

Some humans did side with them, and the conflict, while essentially ending in a draw, led to Earth working with them instead of against, as it was made clear they have no desire or reason to invade us.

Opportunity was severely, almost fatally wounded in one of the war’s battles, but the JPL rover teams turned the lab into a makeshift OR and were able to save him (after figuring out how to airlift/transport him safely and without further injuring him)

JPL was on the Rovarians’ side from the start of the war, since they already kinda felt like the rovers were more than machines,

They're the ones who got the rest of NASA to take the Rovarians' side, which helped turn the tide of the war, since the extremists then had a harder time communicating with their space and Mars forces,

NASA was in charge of almost everything space, and almost nothing got to or through space without them knowing it.

Add to that NASA also gained access to Rovarian tech, which enabled them to make it even MORE difficult for the extremists to function by cutting off communication completely.

As a result, the stolen ships had no warning and no time to prepare before a Rovarian fleet showed up to apprehend them.

An important feat of theirs: Massive magnetic field generators at the poles, so they could give Mars an M-class atmosphere. This makes trade and diplomatic matters much easier, since most species require such an atmosphere.

Having advanced alien tech, they were able to pick up on pretty much everything we were doing. And I mean EVERYTHING. That’s why the Rigel filter (named for its inventor) was created. It blocked out all the offensive (to a Rovarian) communications humans send. (it’s basically a spam filter (that actually works) on steroids

- Social Customs, Beliefs, and Daily Life -

Water and food are replicated as needed for visitors.

Farming is kind of a waste, as the whole species feeds off of solar energy (which, thanks to advances in Rovarian medicine and science, can be stored in much larger amounts in the same size battery)

There are artificial solar energy generators for emergencies.

The Rovarians actually find the human obsession with sex/sexuality/female bodies to be super weird and a little disturbing/off-putting

It's actually HUGELY insulting to make sexual comments to them.

Relationships are based on feelings for the other person.

They actually think the sex obsession is what holds humans back from advancing more quickly.

They avoided money. They do more of a large scale barter system, and everybody contributes to the society in various ways.

They have stores of other species' currency, but it's only used for trade with said species.

This way, nobody ends up in poverty and there's no 1 percent elite.

Even healthcare is given based on how urgent your need is. (the field of regular psychology is still needed. These are people, not just programs, and people always need regular psychology)

The system works smoothly, and crime is mainly just thievery and vandalism (because every species is going to have born criminals.)

Stuff like murder, which is very rare, is obviously still a crime, as is most of the major stuff ( dealing in illegal contraband, scams, espionage, etc.)

Things like racing shuttlecraft around planets are common activities anyone could do.

- Rovarian Stardate System -

The first two digits of the stardate indicate the century

The second two indicate the exact year (Earth year*)

The third two are the Earth month

The decimal point number is the exact day.

For example, this stardate, 215004.05, translates to April 5, 2050, in the 21st century.

They use Earth time because Mars time is only practical for those actually on Mars. For those on ships, it doesn’t make much sense. (this is just a cryptic way of saying that I am too hopeless at math to convert everything to Mars time. There’s lots of decimals involved in that.)

- Arts -

Music

No wind instruments

Non-electronic music consists of strings, percussion, and vocals (singing)

They do also play electronic music (think Daft Punk, Basshunter, or any other techno artist)

The overall style can range from sounding like Celtic or New Age to sounding like techno or dance music, or anything in between. It depends on who’s playing.

Architecture

Very futuristic, but with sharp, boxy design and edges

Lots of metals and glass for materials, very clean and shiny

No stairs, it’s all ramps or lifts (elevators)

Some buildings, usually those with huge crowds moving through, such as the spaceport, have moving sidewalks and moving ramps (Rovarian version of an escalator.

Cities have very tall buildings, thanks to the planet’s lower gravity making it easier to lift materials up to those heights.

Many buildings (especially the tallest ones) are designed to light up at night, some having patterns of color change or light movement

A plaque inside the main entrance of the building credits the architect, as well as everyone who helped construct it

Sculpture

As with architecture, metals are the primary material used

Depending on the artist, the piece can be something ethereal-looking, something futuristic, or something inspired by Earth art styles

There are many installment pieces, especially in cities. These can be inside buildings or out in parks and other public areas.

A plaque or sign placed with the piece credits the artist and anyone who helped construct it.

For smaller sculptures, a signature from the artist can be found directly on the piece itself

Visual Art

There are Rovarians who draw and paint, both traditionally and digitally

Many digital artists like to animate their work

They may also include an animated version of their signature

Traditional painters, along with ordinary paints, will also use metallic and/or glowing paints in their work

Like traditional Earth artists, they sign their paintings. The same is true for Rovarian drawing artists.

Some Rovarians practice textile arts such as weaving fabric, as this is a commodity that can be good for trading with other species

Other media for Rovarian visual artists include, but are not limited to: holograms, fiber-optics, LEDs, found items (for “upcycling”)

Theatre/Dance

Yes, these do exist for Rovarians

The first ever live production was a retelling of the twins’ story through dance, with singers and musicians providing the music

Costumes are typically very elaborate and eyecatching, unless the production calls for more subtlety.

Dance style is usually smooth, flowing, and graceful, though it can also be sharp, snappy, and energetic.

Literature

Very similar to Earth literature, except that the genre of erotica does not exist

Some writers will collaborate with an artist to create a graphic novel or a holo-novel

FINALLY got the information on these guys up.

Photos courtesy of @nasa , myself (the craptastic drawing), and an artist whose name I couldn’t find, but I know it’s someone awesome because of that Opportunity painting

#sci-fi #aliens #original species #rovarian #nasaAU #mars rover

9 notes · View notes

thaomyltr · 5 years

Text

🌻 how I rise beyond the anguish: day 11

I just realize that my way of protecting myself from assumptions and stupid rumours is exactly like how It was when I was 18.

When everything was seemingly working on Its track which somehow intervened mine, I chose to step back and make myself invisible to as much as possible. Like for example, escaping. However, I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) erase my indentity for this eternally so I could escape from something that is wiser and cheaper: social medias. Besides, everyone in this era interacts through digital social platforms like literally every minute, subliminally, I could be unidentifiable If I’m not there long enough. It could be months, years, I don’t know, but the last time I made it through the year and I loved the feeling of being unknown to everyone but my beloved ones. Before this tiff, I had a close friend (I hate how the past tense needs to be used there, personally), someone that I was trying so hard to trust him from the very first place, I didn’t trust him wholly ever, but I did try, and eventually he framed all these reactions of mine for that third-party rumours as “I think you have some further love affairs for me?”

“Well that’s what you think? Really?” I remembered how all the neurons in my brain repeated that questions 10247393 times inside my head which led to a stimulation that triggered my face to respond back a heartless laughter. No. Heartless “laughters”. I laughed for how confusing he sounded to me and I even laughed at myself for controlling everything so well that made everything fell off the track.

All I thought about this tiff was how to be as close as we were, how to learn from the traumas, how to grow beyond the grieves and anguishes and how to ACCEPT that EMOTIONS will always be a part of you from the very first time we were not yet even identified as sapiens and RATIONALITY was nurtured and conducted by those set of memorised emotions coded to our genes by all the fights we had been through to survive the sever nature and other carnivorous animals that always had more strength to eat us up anytime!

Okay enough about sapiens. I was just. Yeah. I was just too much and always tried to bring everything on the table with data and facts and figures and ugh. But I really meant it. Emotions make human human. And emotions aren’t bad. You cannot control something doesn’t mean that It’s bad. It means that you are NOT capable of understanding how It works. And you still can LEARN how it works. Same to our emotions. And unfortunately, how our gene was coded and memorized from all the fights we had with carnivorous animals makes our brain detects all the negative emotions making us feel sad, insecure, hurtful, and doubtful as how we were trying to hide from the animals in a million years ago as somewhat “dangerous” and our brain would do its best to protect you from delving so deep into it.

Same to the unknown, because the unknown creates insecurity. We fear of the unknown. And in this aspect, it’s not because we choose to be afraid (sorry Milena) but It-is-there in our genes for a million years. And when there are some unknown emotions, we fear, and we reject it, and because we don’t ever understand it, so we avoid it wrongly, which doesn’t even affect to its growth and the final moment you know would be scene of you laying down on the ground and murmuring how stupid being emotional be.

Being emotional isn’t stupid. Choosing not to understand why your emotions are there, is stupid, because it prooves that you’re nothing different from our ancestors when we were still making fire with rocks and communicating by verbal languages.

AND, me having something more than friends for him was all that he thought after ALL THAT I THOUGHT about how POSITIVE THIS COULD BE TO OUR GROWTHS? LIKE, seriously?

(And I was obsessed with sapiens, sorry for that.)

.. I really saw beyond all this and I came to the meeting with a mindset that chose to understand, because I chose to see beyond from the very first place. I chose to perceive that even this chained set of actions was caused by both of us (why both? I wouldn’t react that way without his wobbly actions and words making everyone thought that these two girls are fighting for one guy and jeez whenever I thought of this I was going to throw up right away for that idea) it did make me feel disgust, all the rumours and stuffs, and I still chose to listen to his words.

Still, I’m always be that person who never easily be convinced by actions, words in a day or two. Words place a vital part, actions prove, and still It’s not enough. I was listening to that friendly and caring vibes of him which triggered that emotions of being taken care of, and my mind did the other part of viewing all the conflicts we had because I never wanted to be emotionally-biased when It came to conflicts. I never let emotions covered up. Even all the times I suggested to stop, that was the idea of the mind saying that maybe he was suffering enough from me.

But you cannot blame social norms. And you cannot blame a person that was traumatized to think beyond of what made them feel traumatized. And poorly, my fault here was never choosing to say it out, because personally It was my thoughts, my decisions, and I had all the rights to choose to say it or not, and I know which parts should be said so that the other could know how to teamwork better? No. I read books about psych, social scienece, business, anything that human study related. But It doesn’t mean I’m a mind-reader that can balance all the gaps between mutual understanding and feelings and actions? No. But I concede that I wasn’t smart enough to filter which ones should be spoken.

I think —at that very moment when we had that bare conversation, I was really near to the edge of crying my lungs out.

It’s not about him starting to question my feelings. It’s about how my reactions for that stupid rumours made he think that I got something for him. We argued about how much he stood for those three lies I told. And I shut my mouth up not to let the convos become more intense, and I saw beyond it all, but I’m still not a robot so I have all the rights to say damn it I HATED how he treated that person and made EVERYONE thought that WE WERE a triangle relationship!

Please. Does anybody ever understand that, It was totally bullshit to me when being dragged in those topics like that? Nobody does. Now I know one more person that doesn’t. And that’s my person. Oh, that was my person.

Researches prove that, being close friends with each others increase the possibility of having a stronger relationship more than 65%. Why?

Okay you don’t know why?

Do you and your friends have similarities?

Do you feel like that friend of yours understand every corner in your heart and mind?

Do you guys share the same dream? If not, values, beliefs, trust?

Those simple three questions make you realize something yet?

Friends are different from lovers because of this one small tap: those two don’t choose to address and leverage the feeling, that’s all.

And sadly, even right before I can ever strengthen anything further than friends with him, It was all destroyed by this event.

I could really blame his blurred behaviors with the other side of the story counted 50% of how everything was messed up, but I tried so hard not to address that critically, because If I ever did, we would be officially a dead-end, and If I ever did, I would be a total mess for not taking responsibility for my own reactions.

So yes. I held back, all that, and didn’t say any words emphasizing how much I disgusted his blurred and unclear behaviors that indirectly pushed me to the edge of triggering all the past traumas. I really controlled myself so much not to say or scold anything.

When I was 18, I had no clue about how much I could learn from the drama. I only stuck with the thinking of erasing my own presence in everyone’s memory so that I could start over.

Right now, when I’m 23, I do the same thing but to see how the process should be and how much time can unfold the unknown. I hide myself to wait until the day I can go out from this cave and collect the sweet fruits of wisdom.

I still, always, remember him as the best thing that I’ve ever had.

I just cannot face the fact that —one of us, chose not to see beyond the situation. I still learn how to see beyond it all. Sometimes I was so mad (1200% caused by the period also) and I was so angry, and I had to sit down, take a deep breath and write down 3 reasons I shouldn’t got mad for every single reason I got mad.

Time will heal. Trust the process. And even when I never really can’t lay my trust on him, I choose to trust that this time he would learn to overcome all this and reach his happiness.

With or without me.

3 notes · View notes

spiffyworks · 5 years

Text

Artist’s Software Surfing P1 - Sketching

SSSo recently, after finishing (an admittedly long-overdue) a piece, I decided to download a trial of the new Corel Painter 2019. I hadn’t used Painter since my old DeviantArt days (circa 2005) and wanted to see how it felt with more digital art-veteran hands. Loaded it up, started sketching my default doodle-muse and wow, that “Real 2B” pencil feels great. I loved it so much, and wondered why.

That’s the story that is spawning this weird personal series of Software Surfing. I wanted to write little notes to future-me on how it felt using my favorite sketching tools in each program I have, and after the sixth one I thought it might be a good idea to check out inking, colouring, painting, etc. and writing those down as well.

So I’m writing this series for myself, but making it available in case anyone else can benefit as well. Thanks for sticking with the intro, let’s get into it.

Artist’s Software Surfing P1 - Sketching Artist’s Software Surfing P2 - Inking Artist’s Software Surfing P3 - Colouring Artist’s Software Surfing P4 - Painting

There are many ways to sketch, but this is specifically the classic “pencil” or “drawing” form using the tools with the program’s default settings.

As an introduction, this is my doodle-muse, Cloey. She was my first original character, and though I don’t usually share my anthro art on here (I know that’s not everyone’s thing) I do have a separate blog for that stuff that you can find here if you’re so inclined. If you’re familiar with Artgerm (and you should be), she’s basically my Pepper.

Corel Painter’s “Real 2B”:

The one that started it all. The pencil just GLIDES, and I’ve always loved when you can tilt a pencil tool and it will shade just like tilting a real-life pencil. The only thing I want from a program now is to be able to bind touch to blenders so I can use my finger to smudge-blend the scribbling. (I tried drawing that fist so many times /fume)

Likes: Tilt functionality, line width variance, stroke speed, eraser Dislikes: Rebinding Rotate Canvas tool was a pain. I like Shift+Space, and that key combo is reflected in the shortcut panel, but it just continued to pan. Never worked for me, and rotating or flipping the page quickly is crucial for my sketching process. Also sometimes if I quickly resize the eraser and mash it down to use, it won’t detect any input.

Photoshop, Kyle Webster’s “2B” & “Animator Pencil”:

**Disclaimer** Firstly, I’ve used Photoshop for over 15 years now, and it’s a great digital art tool, but for drawing and painting I find it’s sorely lacking. It’s slow, expensive, and unintuitive. That being said, there are some things this program does exclusive to others so I’m still clinging to it (desperately) and while I would definitely recommend something else for budding digital artists, I have to supplement my misgivings by purchasing additional plugins and tools, such as the famed Kyle T Webster’s Ultimate Megapack for Photoshop (

which is now complementary with Photoshop CC, damnit

). Unless otherwise noted, all the brushes I use in Photoshop will be from that pack. **End Disclaimer**

Following off the heels of Corel, I remembered messing around with another “2B” (which btw is my personal favorite traditional pencil to sketch with) in Kyle Webster’s Drawing Box in Photoshop. It felt a bit similar, but with no tilt functionality and it really lacked the chunky-thickness (a scientific term) I enjoyed with Painter’s pencil. I switched to my favorite (and the favorite of MANY digital artists btw) his “Animator’s Pencil”. So chunky, but the ability to shade lightly... It’s really a fun brush to use for sketching digitally. Still one of my absolute favorites.

Animator Pencil Likes: Line width variance, texture fills in and scales perfectly Dislikes: It’s a photoshop exclusive, a program that for some reason you can’t bind shortcuts to whatever you please, takes forever to load, and WAY too often suffers input lag while drawing. Also no tilt shading, :’( aw

Paintstorm’s “Textured Pencil” & “Pencil Tilt”

As a bit of an aside, I love Paintstorm, Paintstorm is what got me back into digital drawing and painting after doing 3D and game design for 7 years. I bought it for the very low price of entry (2 licenses for $30) and was impressed by its ability to customize literally anything in the program. You can create your own tool/brush boxes, bind any shortcut to any key combination, and every single brush tool adjustment comes with the most customization control of any program I’ve come across since Photoshop set the bar way back in the day. Out of the box a lot of the basic brushes have that old OpenCanvas or PaintTool Sai feel, but more recently they’ve added some very textured default brushes you can play around with. It’s also hands-down the FASTEST program I’ve ever worked in. I highly recommend giving it a try, it’s great for learning and experimentation. I grew a lot working in Paintstorm.

The Textured Pencil is a fun sketching brush, you can get as think or thick as you’d want and it keeps a clean outline. The Pencil Tilt really blew my mind the first time I used it. YOU CAN SHADE! It was the first time I had ever seen a program do that. The tilt has a great texture, fantastic control, and gets just as dark as you’d need. I’d recommend using them both, the Textured Pencil for a cleaner sketch, and the Pencil Tilt for something more expressive or loose.

Krita’s Ink-Tilt & “Sketch”:

I’ll be honest, I have almost no experience in Krita despite having downloaded and given it a try back in 2014. It was a hell of a time to figure out how to rebind my usual shortcuts (flip horz, rotate canvas). I couldn’t even rebind colour grab/eyedropper. Yikes. I opened up the “Sketching” brush box and there were only two options, made worse as one was a sketch pen... That lacked the flexibility of ballpoint.

First I grabbed the pencil dubbed “Sketch” and was bewildered why the size of the circle was so large compared to the mark it made. Very confusing. Feeling intimidated, I abandoned it immediately to try out the “ink_tilt” (which by the way there’s no tilt functionality??) and hated it. I reluctantly went back to the pencil and just started trying to make marks. Wow. It’s weird, but surprisingly fun. You have to be willing to relinquish a LOT of control, but the shapes the brush makes while moving and tilting during a stroke can yield some really interesting and suggestive shapes. I would say great for early concepting or making something really loose and expressive. Fun to play with, but not really practical.

Clip Studio Paint’s Real Pencil & Rough Pencil

I’ve been wholly immersed in CSP since I purchased the program back in late 2016. It goes on sale often, so you can pick up a nice fully featured program for ~$35. I’d had my eye on it for a while and still really want to get into self-publishing comics, so I picked it up, bought a couple of brush packs for it (it’s pretty lacking in default painting tools) and I’ve been illustrating in it ever since. The brush creation isn’t as fun as Paintstorm, but brushes are quite customizable. I usually like to use the “Rough Pencil” if I want just a little texture and line variance, or the “Darker Pencil” for something cleaner. Trying to be different, I just jotted out a couple heads in ones I don’t normally use, the Real Pencil and Design Pencil. The Real Pencil has a lot of texture, but for some reason in CSP the textures don’t seem to scale with the brush, so I tend to avoid using it in most cases. I hate the design pencil, I just could never get dark enough. I guess that’s probably the point, though.

Well, that definitely wraps this digest up. I feel refreshed after trying out a lot of new digital sketching brushes. I was really reminded of how much I enjoyed drawing in Paintstorm. I hope someone other than me found this useful or otherwise inspiring! Sometimes, especially if you’re stuck in some art blockage, it’s a good idea to try something new, and for me digitally that’s hopping programs and trying new brushes.

I’m thinking about doing inks, colours, and painting at some point. Let me know if anyone’s interested in those! I’m planning on doing some for myself eventually, but I might expedite a post if anyone is interested. o/ Take it easy, y’all.

Artist’s Software Surfing P1 - Sketching Artist’s Software Surfing P2 - Inking Artist’s Software Surfing P3 - Colouring Artist’s Software Surfing P4 - Painting

#process #sketching #software #guide

6 notes · View notes

thederivativeofrad · 5 years

Text

Update

It’s that time of year when the new years thing happens and I make a post that has something to do with either what happened or what I want to happen and honestly I don’t know if I have the energy for it

It’s really surreal to think that some of you won’t have your blags anymore after whenever that drop date is. There will be writings lost to the void, a lot of... meaning just kind of snuffed out, and I couldn’t really have anticipated that. I was worried that mine would be gone, but I don’t believe that will be the case. I’m pretty sure hers will be, though, and even though I haven’t looked at it in two months and hardly at all before that back to July, I can’t help but be pained by the realisation that soon it might just not be there anymore. It’s nice to have that ability to look for a moment and go “ah, you’re still here”, but now that’s being taken away, and it’s not even by the choice of the author.

That sounds awfully dramatic for a blag being erased, but it’s more than just a blag I suppose. I have a lot of important writings here about college politics, about drugs, rambling about how lightsabers work and if computers can think, and I think I’d be pretty devastated to attempt to log in here again after however long I go without looking only to find it just... wasn’t there anymore.

There’s a reason why I just kind of stopped using the site rather than deactivating. It’s an archive, as well as somewhere to kind of peek back at, somewhere to put an update here and there or poke around and see if I can give myself an existential crisis by digging too far back into the personal tags. Albums are still alive here, little jokes that grew into whole developments, a large digital footprint of myself and friends and all the trends we were a part of. It’s a bit like losing family photos in a fire, flood, or to a strange person who comes over to party and steals the photos to put in a personal collection in a secret room off his room. There wasn’t much current for me here any longer, but... there [is] plenty to look back at, or to check in on to see if it’s still moving, and I think the sentiment of that is very powerful and is making me very ramble-prone.

There are some blags that I just like knowing they still exist, that something will pop up once in a great while, that they still exist in a friendly way, and now, soon, they may not be here any longer. There are some blags that put out little things that are important to people who mean a lot to me, and those may soon be gone, as well. It’s just difficult to come to terms with, and even more difficult to tell what sort of impact it may have. Maybe something good comes of the purge, maybe nothing changes [for me] at all. It’s something to ponder nonetheless, especially as I look recently at some URLs frozen in time, unflinching, unsuspecting, unafraid. All qualities I want but know better than to wish for, because what’s a life without that little buzz of stress and adventure? I just wish there was less of it from time to time--much different than having it all taken away.

So there’s that...

And then there’s life stuffs.

For better or worse, no matter how much I wanted to, I didn’t give up on my secondary education, yet. I joined the CIS department board for the community college I’m currently attending and helped with a partnership between our college and a four-year university that has a degree program that I was thinking about doing about five or six years ago. Computer security and forensics is one of three majors available to our students in our program, two of those majors (aforementioned included) can be taken on-site rather than having to travel to the university. This development has cancelled my plan for a break between my Associate’s and Bachelor’s, but it’ll only be... sigh... it’ll only be one(?) extra year, supposedly, so I guess it’s worth it. See “so, this college thing” for the roots of my scepticism about this whole system. I guess I’m a part of the system, now. I guess I literally made this for myself.

Academia is hell; what’s new?

I’ve been at my place of work for just a couple weeks over a year. I love my job as a whole, but things are not ideal.

Y’see, I work in the IT department, under IT managers. I work for the surgery department, alongside surgery managers. I really despise my team, my direct coworkers, the people I’m supposed to be able to count on--the rest of the deskside team. Slackers, painfully inefficient and unobservant, power hungry, whiny, back stabbing; they’re those little goblins that computer people turn into when they develop a complex, when they’re so full of themselves or so apathetic about what they do that they are not only arrogant, but horrifically lazy. My manager and coordinators aren’t any better. I’m convinced the coordinators are called that as some sick joke that I’m not in on, as they do very little coordinating at all. I’m not sure they know how to coordinate, because most of the plans they put together fall through very rapidly due to poor planning or no follow through. They’re worse together, they somehow become so much worse. Exception to that? One of them is a buffer, likes to keep the peace. The other is a hothead, and he’s shown me that side of himself before. That went straight to the manager after I cried about it and was convinced by one or two of my worth-something coworkers to talk to her. That’s when I first began to notice she does nothing but placate. She lies and panders and says just about anything to everyone to make it look like she’s doing something, like she’s worth something, like her department is excelling and deserves more.

It doesn’t.

One good thing about her is that she helped me to realise that I do that, too. That perspective and some other relevant thoughts running through my head around the same time brought that picture together for me. The last month I’ve been actively trying to do better with that. I think I’m beginning to make progress breaking that habit of trying not to disappoint people by making promises and giving time estimates that are unlikely if not impossible to fulfil. What a weird way to spell that...

The department I work for is filled with new friends. I know so many people, even by name. Someone as horrible with names as me actually recognising people, remembering things about them, holding conversation, it’s brilliant! It makes me feel like I belong there. They feel like family, I feel like a part of their team. I am a part of their team. I’m the IT guy there, if they need anything worked on they know they can count on me to be right there and take care of it effectively, even if it’s not our department’s equipment. If I’m comfortable with it at first glance I’ll try at it, because there’s a person on the table right now and we don’t have the sort of time to wait for biomed or Stryker or M.E. or someone on a different team in IT to come in and fix the issue. I have tools, I have knowledge, I don’t give a fuck what my coordinator says is and isn’t my job. The other teams are okay with me punching cables, moving connections in the closets, modifying group policy, playing with AV equipment, and resetting oxygen monitors, Spiro devices, x-ray imaging devices, and EKGs. I have access to applications I never knew existed because other teams recognised that I could do those things, saving them a trip not only downtown into the hospital, but into a sterile area where they’d need to be wearing special attire. Let me stroke my ego: I am a goddamn miracle worker.

I am an ambassador. I am not the leader of my department, but I speak with leaders of other departments as a present part of my own. I have knowledge they don’t, I have something that they need, and for that they place me on-par with them. I smile so much walking down the manager hallway no matter how I’m actually feeling and it brightens their day. I know everyone’s personalities well enough to make the right jokes and ask about the right things, to be careful with Dan because this is the time of year he gets depressed because he misses his family, to avoid talking about certain things with Kerry because she raised family near Hopkins and she knows some people I’ve been in awkward situations with, to come to Jenny with all the juicy gossip from surgery, my life, or the office, and to not send Jess hearts on Skype because she just finds it weird. I have so many phone numbers, they ask me so many questions, they trust me so much it just feels good to be so open with people and to be able to help them and provide a necessary service without them having to be worried about how long they’re going to wait. I love my job. I love that I get to work with my hands, that I get to work with such amazing people, that I get to go into rooms where people are getting cut open, where just the most unimaginable procedures take place with such a wide array of instruments that I get to watch be cleaned and repackaged for use. I get to see every step of a surgery from check in to PACU, and all the behind the scenes parts that patients wouldn’t even think of on their own. Every call is exhilarating, a positive stress, I feel so comfortable in a room shoved with millions of dollars in equipment and random tables topped with liner you can’t touch or you botch it all. It’s a time trial on a rope course with a hostage in the middle. It adds another layer to the challenge. It keeps me utterly focused out of necessity.

I even have my own locker. Not even Damon had a locker. I didn’t even ask for it. People have handshakes with me in the hallway. They all know my name, they all know I’m someone they can trust, that I’m someone that can help them. It’s absolutely glorious. It makes me proud to be a part of the surgery department, to be a staple to them, to be someone they are legitimately worried about not being there for a week because the department I’m under is forcing me to cross train at a location that doesn’t need any help and won’t ever need more than the people who are trained to go there already in order to take care of it. Brian and I do BSH. Nolan and James to BLH. D, Sujith, and Andrew do BMH. Mike and Jim do BBC. There is no need for any more trained techs off main campus. There never will be a need until one person quits, moves up, or dies and that position needs to be refilled. Then we train one more and we call it a day. We shouldn’t waste time and money sending every tech to every other location just so they can stick their hands under their butts for five full workdays while they aren’t at a location long enough to learn people places and things but are there long enough to realise that they’re there for no reason because everything is already handled just fine by one person and the backup person would be just fine on their own since they were cross trained using a much more thorough process. I feel like that sentence was never going to stop.

Regardless of the positives and negatives, I don’t plan on staying here. After my education is finished I’ll open myself back up to possibilities of finding work elsewhere. I already get job offers, but I’m not uprooting myself again until I finish what I’ve started/continued here. It won’t be that much longer until I have what I’ve been trying to get for twenty years or I surrender to the fact that I’m just not cut out for college. Overall, career-wise, I’m not happy being here permanently, I have no interest in moving up the chain. I’d rather move on.

So here I suppose I can talk about the new years thing since that is what this was supposed to be about, anyway. It’s pretty ironic that the first year I’m actually able to have a place to myself and would be able to be with someone special to kiss at midnight that the only person I’d care to do that with won’t be there. I’ll probably be asleep, anyway, as I work holidays--the ORs are closed so I can pop in and out of them as I please without interrupting cases. I take those opportunities to update the place. They’re the only days I can actually plan work projects.

I have my love-hate relationship with school, my love-hate relationship with work, now I need a bit more time working out the love-hate relationship with myself. I’ve been doing well with most things. I wake up at 0400, listen to the news for about 15 minutes while I am rudely shoved awake by the fact that all of the other countries in the Paris Agreement mk 2 signed it besides guess who, I do some stretches and I hop in the shower. I prep myself for the day in various ways, take some time to read or watch a video, finish up homework or write crap like this in a more private manor, and I get to work around 0600 after an only approximately 10 minute commute.

Moving was only lovely for half as many reasons as it was going to be in my head, but that half has been more than worth it. I’ve been getting a good amount of sleep despite waking up so early, I drink plenty of water (not that I’ve ever had an issue with that), I remember to eat... sometimes... okay that one is kind of a work in progress. My finances are stable, and in six months I’ve raised my credit score from 560 to 770, which is basically from “I don’t even know if I can rent a decent apartment if they’re going to run a credit check” to “yeah you’re sending me offers in the mail because I can pick whichever one I want and you’d be lucky to have me”. I’m where I wanted to be on an individual financial basis by the time I moved out, I’m just occasionally sorry I couldn’t get there sooner.

Things are much better here, it’s just lonely.

So the goal for whatever year is coming up is to focus on keeping my environment positive and to keep up and improve the work I’m attempting to do on myself, whatever that means. It probably means finding ways to make me not want to hurt myself over homework, remembering to eat semi-regularly, and learning. Really just learning.

Here goes nothing:

I want to learn more about myself, what I like and don’t like, and how to continue this positive change into someone that I’m proud of so that I won’t feel like people are lying to me when they say they’re proud of me, too.

I want to compliment myself without feeling conceited.

I want to convince myself that this impostor syndrome is only a collection of intrusive thoughts.

I want to be how my families make me feel.

I want to be the best me that I can be when it’s time for me to move on, however many seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years out that is.

I want to know that we all need room to grow, and that forcing my help onto others, by putting everything into them that I can to keep them comfortable with where they are instead of allowing them to grow is not helpful.

I want to see that we all came from somewhere different, and that we all need to figure things out in different ways that can’t be forced, but can be guided subtly, all from love, never from manipulation.

I want to remember that we all can take all the time we need, and that sometimes we need longer than we thought.

So let’s do a silly little thing: let’s help ourselves to remember those things by writing them down somewhere safe, somewhere personal like a blag, somewhere that your digital footprint lives on and can be theoretically investigated by anyone. Let’s see if it stands the test of time, or if it gets wiped away like marked profiles on a shitty blue website.

Happy New Year.

#personal #here comes 2019 #let's see how things get turned around this time

2 notes · View notes

atendersun-archived · 3 years

Note

"Mm... you know, sometimes you can't help but wonder on some things, hm? Like why they happened and does it still hurts and stuff like that." Drinking some sips of his cold juice from the bottle -- plus they been talking of more difficult things and feelings and such things. "Muu-kun, there's always that spot of us wondering. Like you wonder what did you do and why Akatsuki left you, right? Did you do something? How can you know what happened if he didn't explained and helpyou understand. Or was it something on his side and just didn't tell you, though honestly I don't know. All I know from his words was it was to help both of you and to be in better places, but as a friend he still cares for you."

More sips taken as he pauses and thinks more as he looks at the sky. "How can we know if we're not told of what. Like me as well for example back that time. Though, you know, I guess maybe fate in senses? Maybe my husband now being who I really meant to be with and not the other one, plus I've never been happier before with someone else than I have been with him." Pausing another longer moment. "I've been asked this question, if I can go back to that time, and well... honestly, no I don't want to. I wouldn't erase what I have now, even if it was painful to get to." Smiling with no hesitation in his voice.

Lengthy digits attached to otherwise medium sized palms worked to nimbly form a scrap piece of clay into maybe something he could have used later in his still in process project. Pausing with the biome meant for himself, he actually had begun trying to wrap his mind around what he would've done should he have started making one for the interpretation of the man he had once been so infatuated with as a teen. Why he would have wanted to go about sculpting and design what was essentially a small habit to store in the memories and associations he had for someone he very validly owed none of his time to could've been explained away in the strangest of reasoning. To Muu, he believed there would have been a real therapeutic benefit to putting to rest the ideas he held of a once eighteen year old boy of a man himself in order to free both of the growing twenty somethings to form into themselves regardless of the impact it may have had on whatever their relationship even was as a result.

Withholding his actions for the time being, the male began to offer his answers to the other's queries in a very soft, almost timid tone of voice that he truly tried to push through with maturity as he spoke.

"At the time when it was decided that we should stop dating, Akatsuki did tell me why he was ending things. Now, I don't know if it was because I asked him why, or why I didn't stop to talk more through it, but.. I do remember some of the things that he said. As w- well as what other people told me that Akatsuki didn't say.. What I was told was that.. that it was because not only wasn't he happy, but also that I cried too much, I.. was always the one escalating things into arguments, that.. I wasn't.. essentially 'man' enough in the way of maturity to maybe have been in a relationship with him in the first place."

If not for the fact that doing so would have probably exhausted his voice, as well as Yukio's ears for having been the one stuck there listening to him as he rattled on, Muu knew that he could have very easily gone on to explain more of what he had to say about the split. Part of it, he believed, was truly backed up by projections and insecurities that maybe were not shared with him due to Akatsuki likely not having the emotional intelligence at such a young age to know how to talk them out in the first place. Among those were the belief the blond held that the impending break up was very heavily tied to a particular notion that made up a huge block of their disagreements altogether. The consistent doubting of his love as a result of him being very linear with what physical affection he displayed at an age in which the only other people he had kissed prior to the man he committed himself to were his own grandmother, and a young girl he attended school with back in early, early elementary school.

In the past, he'd held a lot of inner resentment towards himself for believing that he had obviously had been wired incorrectly if it all that he heard from one partner after another that his love towards everyone was such a flatline that he more or less deserved it when the same was dealt back at him. It took a lot of thoughtfulness for him to come to terms with the reality that though he may have loved differently as a result of either inexperience, or his disability, that he still deserved unconditional love all the same. And that such assumptions made about him to begin with held very little merit when he took the time to consider how often he'd begged Akatsuki in particular to spend time with him when he'd felt as though his company had maybe not been as wanted as other's had been to their significant others.

When it came to that particular possibility, as well as many others that he held in association to himself at such a level that it nearly blinded him to other relevant issues, he tried his hardest to just roll it off his back as being just a part of life. What he had tried with such intensity to bring forward in his mind instead as being perhaps the rawest explanation for why things didn't work out in the way he maybe hoped they would have as a teenager with such a huge heart to give, was the fact that things were not going to work out for them no matter what. It was brutally harsh reality, but eventually he would need to swallow the hard truth that no matter how much he did truly love and admire Akatsuki, he at sixteen did not have enough of the emotional and mental tools required of him to be able to prepare him for what to do in the event that his partner had a different response to conflict than himself, or unmatched love languages. What he was even less properly trained in was what to do in the heat of moments outside of his range of familiarity.

Even though he maybe meant well, and would have absolutely tried his best, substance abuse, unresolved insecurities, and avoidant behaviors that toed the line of abusive were so out of his league as someone who simply just wanted a partner to hold him, and spend time with him, that things were just destined to fail the moment they started. It truly broke his heart to realize that when he took the time to consider the amount of time he put to waiting for Akatsuki to come home from work, or how he would pray to himself not to mess anything up, because he didn't want to put any risk into making a fight. In doing so, he thought, not only was he putting to chance the frightening possibility that he'd once more send the man out the door to drink to the point of injuring himself up until he knew his safety would be guaranteed from him waling through the door some time later, he was also placing himself into a dreadful state of not knowing when the next hug was going to come, or how long into being ignored would it finally be broken so he could go back to spending quality time with the person he wanted to be wanted by.

Those moments had been so pivotal to the young man who would watch idly as other partnerships seemed to be unable to keep their gaze away from one another longer than a second, or those that spoke positively of one another, with such a yearning state of guilt in wondering what he must have been doing wrong in order to not be deserving of such unconditional comfort. Many, he believed, were what contributed to him feeling as though he became so boyish and clingy in the company of his ex more than anyone else present in his life, because sometimes only just thinking of him jump started the wholehearted desires of the inner child within himself to not necessarily be loved by them, but to receive praise, safety, and just acknowledgement from them in general. Hence why he hoped so dearly that the man would someday approach him out of the blue to tell him he was proud of him. That way, even if he maybe his entire being as a teenager had been so wrong, the adult in him could've at least been told he was finally doing something right.

Hurting, he let out a heavy sigh from his chest before continuing to speak with his friend. "I know it probably isn't actually true, but.. sometimes I let my guilt over not being a good enough boyfriend get so big that I think he left not to help me, but to get rid of me instead. There's something about that that stings, you know? Not for anything that's like.. romantically, because I know that isn't the way I feel about him. It's more.. child to important adult figure, I think. And I know.. that is also a big reason as to why I- I would go back and do it all again if I could. So that the child that is of me with the little boy body, and the big goofy laugh that always comes out when he knows he shouldn't be doing something, an- and that fearlessness to be himself even when it would seem like there was never going to anyone else like him in the world.. could stay that way for as long as he could, because I would know to behave in order to prevent people from getting so mad at me that time, after time, I'd take things about myself away to hopefully.. make them happy. At the same time, however, Yukio, I would just want him to feel so safe and wonderful that he can have what he wanted instead of what he got when everyone hated him so bad. I'd want what the Tiktok says, Yukio. That.. you are never too much for someone that can't get enough of you."

#silvxcs #rip the dash this was not how long i expected this to get damn #tw long post

0 notes

mygoateecreation · 3 years

Text

Photo Text For Mac

Roy ~ Welcome to the Community.

Free Happy Birthday Photo Text For Cousin

Photo Text For Pc Windows 10

Can anyone share their experience with the 'copy text from picture' property please?

I did the following tests using OneNote for Mac v.15.8 on OS X v.10.10.3:

1. Created a PNG screenshot and dragged it into OneNote. The embedded image DID have the option of 'Copy Text from Picture'.

What is text edit app. Add Text to Photos with Preview App on Mac This built-in app is rarely the first choice for Mac users who want to add text to photos, but completing this task with Preview App is remarkably easy. Open the app and import the photo you want to edit, then make sure to click on the 'Show Edit Toolbar' icon and select the 'Text Tool' feature.

2. In OneNote I did 'Save As..' on that image, which saved it as a JPG on the Desktop.

Adding text to images is a fairly simple process to begin with that is made even easier with Preview, the basic image viewing app that is bundled on all Macs. May 16, 2013 Adding text to images is a fairly simple process to begin with that is made even easier with Preview, the basic image viewing app that is bundled on all Macs.

3. Dragged that image from the Desktop back into OneNote. The embedded image DID have the option of 'Copy Text from Picture'.

4. In OneNote I did 'Save As..' on that image, which saved it as a JPG on the Desktop.

5. Dragged that image from the Desktop back into OneNote. The embedded image DID have the option of 'Copy Text from Picture'.

..So the above worked as expected, although I did have to wait a minute or two before the option of 'Copy Text from Picture' appeared. I don't know the reason you're seeing different results.

Did this solve your problem?

Sorry this didn't help.

Great! Thanks for marking this as the answer.

How satisfied are you with this reply?

Thanks for your feedback, it helps us improve the site.

How satisfied are you with this response?

Thanks for your feedback.

Thanks AlancitoXV,

I currently work with OSX Yosemite Ver10.10.3, Onenote Ver 15.8 150301,

created PNG screenshot of your reply (so it's text-based), and then dragged it from my desktop into Onenote, but the embedded image DID NOT have the option of 'Copy Text from Picture'.

I also Saved to my desktop as PNG (one time) and as JPEG (another time) a picture from my friend's notebook (which he shared with me), that had the 'Copy Text from Picture' option, and then dragged it back into Onenote, but in both cases the picture lost its ability for 'Copy Text from Picture'.

I would appreciate if anyone in Microsoft would be able to address this disparity. Seems like my Onenote is capable of 'Copy Text from Picture' only for some pictures but not for others.

I am wondering if there's a certain role.

Thanks a lot!

Roy

Did this solve your problem?

Sorry this didn't help.

Great! Thanks for marking this as the answer.

How satisfied are you with this reply?

Sublime text for mac. This system gives you flexibility as settings can be specified on a per-file type and per-project basis.

Thanks for your feedback, it helps us improve the site.

How satisfied are you with this response?

Thanks for your feedback.

I currently work with OSX Yosemite Ver10.10.3, Onenote Ver 15.8 150301, created PNG screenshot of your reply (so it's text-based), and then dragged it from my desktop into Onenote, but the embedded image DID NOT have the option of 'Copy Text from Picture'.

Roy ~ I did the same with identical software versions & PNG screenshot and, after waiting a minute, the embedded image does have the option of 'Copy Text from Picture':

Did this solve your problem?

Sorry this didn't help.

Great! Thanks for marking this as the answer.

How satisfied are you with this reply?

Thanks for your feedback, it helps us improve the site.

How satisfied are you with this response?

Thanks for your feedback.

As could be seen in the snapshot i provide, i do not have this option available, only copy link to a paragraph.

I've waited more than a few minutes..

Hopefully this bug could be fixed in next versions of Onenote.

Thanks,

Roy

Did this solve your problem?

Sorry this didn't help.

Great! Thanks for marking this as the answer.

How satisfied are you with this reply?

Free Happy Birthday Photo Text For Cousin

Thanks for your feedback, it helps us improve the site.

How satisfied are you with this response?

Thanks for your feedback.

• Click OK, and Word flips the text in the text box, producing a mirror image. You can create an upside-down mirror image by changing the Y setting to 180. How to rotate a text box in word mac 2008.

Hopefully this bug could be fixed in next versions of Onenote.

Roy ~ You could make sure Microsoft is aware of the problem via this feedback form:

www.microsoft.com/mac/product-feedback

…Click Select a Product… and choose OneNote for Mac. Since that site doesn't accept screenshots, you could link to this thread.

Did this solve your problem?

Sorry this didn't help.

Great! Thanks for marking this as the answer.

How satisfied are you with this reply?

Thanks for your feedback, it helps us improve the site.

How satisfied are you with this response?

Thanks for your feedback.

I've tried this action in another Mac of mine (laptop at home, instead my desktop at work) - and brilliantly, the 'copy text from picture' became active! .. (which is basically good news for my laptop, but sort of bad news for my desktop. ) - seems like there might be some platform incompatibility issues on some machines. Roy

Did this solve your problem?

Sorry this didn't help.

Great! Thanks for marking this as the answer.

How satisfied are you with this reply?

Thanks for your feedback, it helps us improve the site.

How satisfied are you with this response?

Thanks for your feedback.

Photos capture the precious moments of our lives. Unfortunately, it’s not easy to take high-quality pictures on the first try – it’s not often that you actually want a random passerby or a misplaced finger to feature in your photos. And you know that good lighting would really enrich the colors in your pictures. And then there are the photographs that tend to fade and yellow with time. To fix these problems, you need Movavi Photo Editor for Mac – a simple program that’s equally good both for beginners and professionals.

Don’t waste your time trying to figure out how to use complicated desktop applications for photo processing. Download our easy-to-use photo editing software for Mac: it will enhance your images faster than many other image editing apps!

Photo Text For Pc Windows 10

Erase Unwanted Objects

Enhance Image Quality

Restore Old Photos

Retouch Portraits

Erase Unwanted Objects with Photo Editor for Mac

Get Rid of Excess Stuff in Your Photos

No need to avoid shooting photos in crowded places. Take photographs wherever you want and then just remove unwanted objects, random people, trash, or bad graffiti from your digital images with Movavi’s photo software. The Object Removal tool uses great care to cover all those little flaws in just a couple of minutes!

Download Movavi Photo Editor and check out all the features of the program.

A good text editor for Mac OS X. Benjamin frere. Posted: April 19, 2003 10:48AM. KDE and GNOME, for me, are two funny spare time experiments to take the best of Mac OS' and Windows' GUIs, and add on lots of features that might be of use (when they mostly are just in the way). Even Windows' GUI is far better than KDE and GNOME. Best Text Editors for Mac in 2018: Top 5 Text Editor Apps for Mac OS X. Here is the list of best text editors for Mac Os. Apps with their pros and cons are listed in the article in precise points. Download text editor for mac free. Carbon Emacs Package is a Mac-friendly distribution of the GNU Emacs text editor. It’s simple, extensible, and good for technically minded users who value the advanced features it offers. Not the most user friendly app, but worth bearing in mind. Good text editor for mac os. The best free and paid text editors for the Mac. Brackets is an open-source text editor aimed at web designers and developers. But if you want to customize a text editor to do your bidding, Brackets is a good place to start. Free - Download now; TextMate 2. Finally, this review is about the best text editor for macOS, not the best macOS application that’s also a text editor. Atom is our top pick for most people, but its design follows a different set of principles than those laid out in Apple’s Human Interface Guidelines for macOS apps.

Enhance Image Quality

Make Your Photos Come Alive

Is overcast weather dulling down your photographs? Don’t panic! Mac Photo Editor will automatically amp up the brightness and contrast in your image at the touch of the Magic Enhance button. You can also change the settings manually to achieve the desired effect. See how the image adjustment works by dragging the slider under the picture.

Magic Enhance

Looking for a way to restore photos taken decades ago?

Movavi Photo Editor with its advanced image editing tools quickly removes fold lines, stains, and other small defects from old photographs that you’ve scanned. You can also automatically add color to your black-and-white photos. The program uses a smart fill algorithm to analyze and repair parts of the image that have suffered from aging. Just click the Restore button and wait for the image editor to do the photo processing for you!

Retouch portraits

Improve Your Look in an Instant

Professional photo retouching can be easy and fun. What’s more, it’s affordable with our user-friendly photo editor for Mac. Try new makeup or dye your hair. Remove skin blemishes or slim down your face. Get a Hollywood smile with the Teeth whitening tool. The only limit is your imagination!

Try All the Features of Movavi's picture editor for Mac OS

White Balance

Adjust the lighting in images. Make the photos in your library look natural.

Effects

Apply a range of creative and subtle filters to create different looks.

Text

Insert captions and titles, add decorative elements.

Sharpness & Details

Adjust clarity in blurred images and bring out textures.

Retouching

Remove blemishes, smooth out wrinkles, get rid of shine, and correct red-eye.

Crop, Rotate, Resize

Improve composition, straighten the horizon, shrink images for the Web.

Color Correction

Make your colors richer while keeping skin tones natural-looking.

Makeup

Airbrush digital eyeshadow, mascara, and lipstick onto your portraits.

Inserting

Combine images and image elements to make collages.

Noise Reduction

Use presets to reduce digital noise in low-light photos.

Reshaping

Alter face shapes and silhouettes, sculpt noses, enlarge eyes.

Change Out Backgrounds

Replace the background, make it transparent, or set any color as the new background.

Looking for a quick and easy way to edit pictures? Install Movavi Photo Editor on any Apple personal computer compatible with Mac OS versions 10.7–10.13, for example, OS X Lion, OS X Yosemite, OS X El Capitan, macOS Sierra. The app is so easy to learn that you don’t even have to know the basics about how to edit photos on Mac. You can get to work on your MacBook Pro or Mac mini right away.

Screenshots

About

5.8.0

78.1 MB

29,95 €

System Requirements

Mac OS X® 10.7 or higher

64-bit Intel® processor

1280 × 768 screen resolution, 32-bit color

2 GB RAM

500 MB available hard disk space for installation, 1 GB for ongoing operations

Administrator permissions are required for installation

* Unfortunately, correct processing of large image files with dimensions greater than 6000×8000 pixels cannot be guaranteed.

Photo Editor

PHOTO EDITOR + PHOTO MANAGER

Edit your favorite photos and quickly organize images

PHOTO EDITOR + PHOTO MANAGER

Edit your favorite photos and quickly organize images

PHOTO EDITOR + PHOTO MANAGER + SLIDESHOW MAKER

Edit photos, organize images, and create great slideshows

PHOTO EDITOR + PHOTO MANAGER + SLIDESHOW MAKER

Edit photos, organize images, and create great slideshows

Photo Editor

PHOTO EDITOR + PHOTO MANAGER

Edit your favorite photos and quickly organize images

PHOTO EDITOR + PHOTO MANAGER

Edit your favorite photos and quickly organize images

PHOTO EDITOR + PHOTO MANAGER + SLIDESHOW MAKER

Edit photos, organize images, and create great slideshows

PHOTO EDITOR + PHOTO MANAGER + SLIDESHOW MAKER

Edit photos, organize images, and create great slideshows

Leave us your email, and we'll send you the link to download the program to a computer.

0 notes

townshade6 · 3 years

Text

Ideas on How to Take the Best Photos with the Android Smart phone

Any time you’re working with any of the most up-to-date Android mobile phones, such as the Galaxy S9 or Pixel 3, then one of the best cameras available is right now in your pocket. You are prepared to start shooting those wife and kids pictures at cherished meetings which will last endlessly. But no matter the prowess of the sophisticated smartphone, plainly pointing and snapping shots at the picture is not the technique to shoot long lasting experiences. The exact requirements affect smartphone picture taking as they do studio picture taking: a little staging will go far. Take a beat before clicking the shutter switch and implement a number of of the subsequent ideas to help make your android-snapped photographs start looking their best. You have observed this before, but it requires repeating because it makes an amazing impact: make certain the photo camera continues to be when you’re capturing an image. I can’t tell you just how many moments I’ve snapped and strolled to stay with a crowd or something of the sort, only to be annoyed down the road by fuzzy results. Your Android phone could be instant at setting up the camera app (double-press the power button of all to instantly fire it up), nonetheless it can’t constitute the photo if you aren’t still while taking the pic. It is typically a good idea to get into the behavior of checking on what you currently snapped just before moving ahead. You would not always demand a tripod in this point in time to take a still picture, though it certainly facilitates generate the most useful results. Additionally, there are mobile phone camcorder mounts for common-sized tripods if you’re currently tricked out in video camera equipment. At the same time, unique equipment are great for taking group photographs. Angling the smart phone against a wall structure or an object can be another technique of the trade every time you are in a bind. Android Cellphone's Top Rated Photography Software Android software programs are in fact robust enough to handle developing raw picture archives produced by DSLRs, so many of them can definitely deal with editing and enhancing a photo taken by a mobile phone. Free apps like Snapseed, Polarr, and Adobe Lightroom will appeal to tinkerers and the ones who like to be the “family photographer.” For those who opt for the appearance of filtered photographs, applications like VSCO present over 100 types of shaded flair, in addition to a Color Story, which has the best filters for offering to an Instagram audience. Both apps are absolve to use, though they offer in-app buys to unlock a few of the popular aesthetics. If you’d rather not pay very much to make your photos appeared aged, KujiCam is unrepentantly fun to make use of, and your digital photographs can look like they were taken in another decade. In the event that you do screw up a snapshot and the point in time has passed on, use an app like TouchRetouch to go in and erase an out-of-place fingertip in the uppermost side. Do not leave out the editing and enhancing specs your telephone does natively. Google Photos comes pre-loaded on almost every modern Android unit and will be offering quick editing tools, including a small number of colored photo filters, a crop option, and the capability to alter common components just like the color hue and publicity. (Google Photos also offers automatic back-up for your photos and video clips, so make certain to take benefit of that, however you remove all of your cherished stories next time your phone drowns in a children's pool.) Samsung and LG’s individual gallery apps also deliver light editing and enhancing possibilities along the same lines. In the case you’re feeling bold, you may even like a few of the digital “stickers” bundled on Samsung’s Galaxy and Note smartphones. I love a little sultry lighting. A dozen candle lights and a few dimmed bulbs will be the perfect method to signal to your family and friends that the abode is usually a comfy one. This type of lighting is definitely less than ideal for photos, on the other hand, and although your mobile phone’s manufacturer promised you some of the best low-light pictures, delightful gatherings aren't the place to check out this case. Don’t be afraid to incorporate a small amount of light when the scenario demands it. You don’t have to buy extra things; plainly take off the very best on a close by light fixture or other comparative and place it in front of your topics, beside you if you’re the shooter. Additionally, avoid above your head lighting. Just as much as recessed lighting looks great in person, it’s unflattering on photo camera. (There is a reason why actresses slip on shades the instant they are indoors, where there’s often overhead light.) The same lamp cheat helps diffuse these kinds of lighting situations and will make everybody in the photo look glowing and bright. Your smartphone’s flash can perform the same thing in a bit, though avoid using it as most of your light supply, as it could make your party appear washed out. Alternatively, you can utilize a close friend’s mobile phone flashlight as a directional light beam of sorts by shining it at the angle you wish people’s faces to become lit. It can contribute to some actually cool lighting special effects. Think you're among the happy ones to have the Pixel 3’s Night time Sight upgrade? Be sure you’re applying it when the circumstances requires it, like inside restaurants or poorly-lit traditional architectural structures. The functionality is just around the corner to older Pixel smartphones and is available in the default Android camera application, from the same screen where you can conveniently swap between panoramic setting and the like. On Samsung and LG phones, a related capability is hidden in the Pro or Manual modes. In cases like this, you will want to do a little of adjusting to the camera configurations to get the kind of photo you want. You don’t have to be a camera expert to gain access to this, because so many manufacturers offer live previews so you can observe what the result can look like after a bit of finagling. For best outcomes, keep all the stuff on Automatic aside from the shutter speed, that is where you will see the real difference in how much light camera can take up. Not to mention, don’t ignore to lean it against something as the shutter is open up or you’ll end up with a fuzzy photo. Face mode is one of those defacto common features that now comes added with every flagship smartphone. It is like panorama setting, except that you’re going to make use of it more frequently as it gets photos a bit of a high-tech look. You don’t have to utilize it to shot photos of individuals, either. This performs equally well for animals, flowers, or any various other interesting subject. My most liked activity to accomplish with Portrait setting, if I’m taking a selfie or taking a photo with friends I haven’t seen in over ten years, is to utilize it next to a plain backdrop. A blank wall is fantastic for headshots, although a flowery wall structure adds a little bit of pizzazz. I love the imitation “studio look” of these sorts of photos, and you will get artistic utilizing the lamp-light trick in a living-room. If done the right way, the result of your Portrait setting could look as elegant and sleek as if taken on school photo day, plus they could even be photos valuable enough to slap over a bunch of christmas greeting cards in the the coming year. Finally and in fact the most distinct piece of professional suggestions on any list right here, don’t neglect to clean your photo camera lens prior to shooting a picture. Your cell phone is fully capable at this stage in the process to shoot a high-quality picture of the people you appreciate, but it will not mean much if the lens is smudged up with finger grease and various other diverse debris. Even if you possess a case on with a photo camera covering, wipe that part clean inside and out to guarantee that your photographs stay perfect. If your cell phone is your one and only camera, you should always bring either a microfiber towel or a bundle of lens-cleaning wipes. Get them in bulk and keep them almost everywhere: in every single backpack you utilize and every car you drive in. Pictures are primarily worth a hundred words if they are very clear, and any time you spent in excess of this much on the latest phone, then it ought to produce frame-worthy portraits.

#smartphones #social media

0 notes

taz-writes · 6 years

Text

25 Writing Questions

@whycanthisnotbeeasier tagged me in this pretty massive tag game, which is pretty cool! Thanks for the attention! Here goes nothing...

1. Is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

A few of them, for a few reasons! The most obvious is Book 3 in my Feilan series, under the working title Storm and Shadow (it’s edgy I know). Reason being, it just got too damn messy. The end of book 3 is the low point of the whole series in every available subplot--so many things go wrong, a few MASSIVE things happen that are game-changers for book 4, and it’s hands down the most difficult scene I’m going to have to write for this series. When it came down to it, I couldn’t do that. The real end of the story at book 4 wasn’t that clear to me either, which is a major problem. So what I’m doing now is working backwards, a little bit. I’ll return to the Purple Sands once and for all after I’ve tackled book 4 and I know where I’m actually going with this.

Also, I’ve been delaying work on a few other baby WIPs because they’re just not developed enough to see the light of day yet. But that’s pretty minor.

2. What work of yours, if any, are you embarrassed about existing?

Uhhhhhh... literally the entirety of the original drafts of books 1 and 2. They’re beautifully-written bullshit. Also there’s some really bad Homestuck fanfiction from six years ago still floating around the Internet somewhere under an old pseudonym of mine. I like to pretend it doesn’t exist.

3. What order do you write in? Front of book to back? Chronological? Favorite scenes first? Something else?

I like to write front-to-back, which in my case is the same as chronological. I’m a bit of a pants-er, and my outlines often don’t make any sense once I’m actually a few chapters in and I realize that the planned plot point coming next is painfully out of character (or just impossible in general). I tend to use the exciting parts as motivators to get me through when I get writer’s block.

4. Favorite character you’ve written?

Violet. Hands down, indubitably, Violet Ravenhart. She’s probably the best fictional character I’ve ever created--she has so many layers to her, and she’s so nuanced, and genuine and close to my heart in ways I never expected. I think I’ve done a really great job creating her, and I only hope I can write her as well as she deserves.

5. Character you were most surprised to end up writing?

Kyrina, I think... she was originally supposed to be something COMPLETELY different than what she’s become. All of my villains used to be really two-dimensional and flat, but Ky’s come the furthest away from there. She used to be an Azula expy? Now she’s just a dumbass.

6. Something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late / complicated to change now

Part of me wants to say that I’m proud of everything I’ve made, and I do plan to stick to my guns, but there are a lot of aspects of Feilan’s worldbuilding that are incredibly messy. The magic system is the most obvious... if I could go back and change that, and make it significantly less complicated and hard to understand, then I probably would. But the whole thing is built into the structure of the world, and I’m emotionally attached, and besides, it’s unique! It’s definitely got plus sides.

When it comes to things like that, I’m more likely to retcon or explain the weird thing than erase it altogether. Any dumb trope can work if you write it the right way.

7. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

Oh god, I love telling people about my stories. I talk about Being A Writer all the time! I don’t share my work very often, though.

8. Favorite genre to write

Fantasy!

9. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

I like to take walks, or just go sit alone in places. I draw my spirit and energy in writing from the natural world... when I feel drained and creatively empty, I go to the creek behind my house, or I take a walk around Schenley if I’m at school. It even helps to just sit outside for a while. Nature inspires me.

10. Write in silence or with background music? Alone or with others?

Depends on the scene! Always alone, though. Other people tend to distract me. I write with background music most of the time, but if I’m working on poetry or the scene is particularly intense then I turn it off. My writing style, especially in emotional moments, is very reliant on the rhythm of the words. Having music in the background interrupts the natural flow.

11. What aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

DIALOGUE. Dear lord, I used to be so bad at dialogue. I’ve also improved at plotting, but that improvement is... nebulous.

12. Your weaknesses as an author?

I like tropes, and I also like doing weird stuff. I often like both of these too much, resulting in plots that jump from point to point with little clarity. I’m also a consistent retconner, so my characters’ motivations and goals can change with little to no warning. I’m working on that.

13. Your strengths as an author?

I’ve been told that my prose has a very strong flow to it, especially in descriptive passages. So for all my faults with the construction of my stories, my actual mechanical writing is consistently excellent. And I’m also a fan of my character concepts, even when I don’t write them out as well as they maybe deserve.

14. Do you make playlists for your work?

Absolutely! I have spotify playlists for most of my stories and all my main characters. I don’t actually listen to those while I’m writing, I prefer listening to video game music, but making playlists for my writing is a lot of fun.

15. Why did you start writing?

Because I couldn’t find any books that told stories I wanted to read, so I decided I’d make them myself. I wanted to read stories with characters who dressed like me and thought like me and did amazing things without people questioning it all the time. Also, I wanted stories with fairies who weren’t vapid useless girly-girls.

16. Are there any characters who haunt you?

Most of them, at some point or another. All of my main characters in Feilan are manifestations of some part of me. I wrote Violet to cope with depression in high school, Dusk came directly from how trapped I felt when my parents wouldn’t listen to anything I said, Sayara is the physical manifestation of righteous fury against the world. So their muses lean pretty hard into me when I start running into those problems again.

17. If you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

Please use an outline. I know they “cramp your style,” but please, for the love of God, use a freaking outline. And figure out the ending FIRST.

18. Were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? What were they?

Yes!! Some of those were things I watched more than things I read, but it still counts. I was really into the Redwall books as a kid, and they’re a direct cause of the weird tropiness inherent in my early writing. I think I still favor a lot of cheesy tropes that I learned there--I like to think I write them with more nuance, though. The TV show Avatar was also a MASSIVE influence in how I create stories and characters. I mentioned earlier that Kyrina used to be an Azula expy, but on a larger scale ATLA introduced me to grey morality that works. Zuko’s redemption arc is on a level I strive for to this day. Rick Riordan’s books inspired my character voices, I’ve always liked his humor and his writing showed me that you don’t have to cling so closely to traditional grammar rules to write well. Fullmetal Alchemist was another big influence on my stories’ morality,

There are probably more, but I don’t remember any right now.

19. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, etc.?

See: Taz’s greatest flaws as a writer.

Jokes aside, I like to keep one single print paper outline for each story that I’m working on. I’ll write out notes to myself there, create a chapter-by-chapter outline, and edit things in the outline as I go. They’re a great time capsule of all the things I’ve retconned over the course of my series. Recently I’ve also started using Evernote to track things digitally, but I’m still figuring out how it works.

20. Do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Both! Depends on the day. I write when I have the spark and the attention span, and I write for however long it lasts.

21. What do you think when you read over your older work?

Some of my old work is actually quite good! So I’ll appreciate that for what it is. The parts that are less good I laugh at, and I’ll send excerpts to my friends going “hey look at this ridiculous bullshit I created three years ago isn’t it funny??”

22. Are there subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

Yeah. There are a lot of uncomfortable things lurking on the periphery of Feilan that I’m super awkward with. Violet’s trans-ness is the main one that comes to mind, because I want to confirm it in canon but there’s really no way she would ever bring it up of her own volition. Sayara’s too stupid to notice anything and definitely wouldn’t be rude enough to ask about it if she did. There’s also, well, the fa Viandre situation. I’ve avoided going into too much detail about the abuse there, but every situation with Dusk and fa Viandre gives me the willies. I write it because I think it’s important, and it’s a powerful arc, but it’s fucked up.

More generally? Sex scenes are uncomfortable to write in general for me, I don’t mind reading them but writing them is super awkward. Romance in general can be that way sometimes. I just don’t know how to handle it.

23. Any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

I don’t know if there’s anything obscure, necessarily. I think being a musician helped my writing improve, because I’m very sensitive to what Sounds Good, and with poetry especially it’s become more of an instinct than conscious knowledge.

24. Have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

I wouldn’t say I’ve ever become an expert on anything in the interest of research, but I’ve become moderately proficient with a few things. I’m in the process of learning everything I can about conlangs so that I can finally give all my made-up words some internal consistency, so that’s cool. I took a couple group fencing lessons. I’m pretty lazy about my research, honestly, and when I don’t already know something I lean towards just making it up from wholecloth.

25. Copy / paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of.

I knelt by the crack, peering into it, hoping, even as the desperate stillness grew stronger and the silence did not change and time almost seemed to stop.

Cool starlight slid like molten silver through the shimmering gaps in the trees, sinking into the world around me. This cool starlight illuminated everything: the pocks and picks in ancient stone, and the knife-point edges of blades of growing grass, and the dust that had settled upon the little hiding place and the child’s bones it hid.

This is an old excerpt, from my newer draft of book 2. I think I wrote this almost exactly two years ago. I’m rather fond of it, though. This is Feilan’s aesthetic in a nutshell.

This was an essay at the end, but also a tag game, so... @jade-island-lives @firewritten @thewingwriter @lady-redshield-writes, if yall wanna do this, go for it! No obligation of course. :) Anyone else who sees this and thinks it’s cool, feel free to do it and say I tagged you, too!

#taz shut up #tag game #this was fun! thanks!

3 notes · View notes