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thefatedthoughtofyou · 2 years

Text

He Tastes Like the Blood in His Mouth

Summary: Steve and Eddie start weekly movie nights with Dustin. But Dustin starts bailing on them, leaving them alone together. One evening Eddie goes to get them a popcorn refill and doesn't come back.

Word Count: 5,547

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Jason's asshole friends beating up Eddie, one insinuation of homophobia.

Ao3

They're at the movies when it happens. Steve and Eddie. Dustin was supposed to come but he'd gotten into the habit of ditching them at the last second. It was a downright suspicious habit, Steve was definitely gonna have to question him about it soon. If he ever saw the kid again. The little brat. But, if Steve was being honest. He didn't mind. Spending time with Eddie had been... different. New. And kind of exciting.

He was weird. No doubt about that. And maybe the most hyper person Steve had ever met. He couldn't sit still to save his life. Even at the movies. His leg constantly bouncing. When they first started going he'd apologized to Steve and gotten up to move. Steve had grabbed his arm and pulled him back down, dismissing the apology with a nonchalant "It's fine dude you don't have to move." And so Eddie hadn't. And Steve had been granted the privilege of feeling Eddie's leg bouncing against his for an hour an a half about twice a week.

Eddie had gone to get them a refill about twenty minutes ago. More popcorn. More soda. Probably more candy even though Steve said he was fine. The movie had gotten slow, and Steve was pretty sure Eddie had already seen it. But Steve had suggested it and he'd agreed enthusiastically. But it had been too long. Something was wrong.

Steve left the theater, the movie on the screen the last thing on his mind. He turns the corner and his foot hits something, he looks down and his heart drops into his stomach. It's the popcorn bucket Eddie had gone to refill, their empty cups lie scattered a few feet away too. Steve is out of the theater in seconds, the setting sun blinding him as he looks up and down the street. No sign of Eddie. Or anyone. That's when he hears a yell, a yell of pain. His eyes jump to the mouth of the alley next to theater and his hands clench at his sides as he starts running.

He sees them as soon as he enters the alley. Three of them. Surrounding Eddie. Who is on the ground, curled in a ball, ringed fingers splayed out over the back of his head as he tries to deflect the blows being rained down upon him.

"Hey!" Steve yells, not slowing as he barrels toward them, it's Jason's friends, he knows that. They're still wearing their fucking letterman jackets. Jason had been locked up for assault, after attacking Lucas, his friends seemed to still be doing his bidding. They turn to look when Steve shouts. He throws himself between two of them and plants himself between them and Eddie.

"Steve?" Eddie's voice, from the ground, quiet.

"It's me. You're alright." He tells Eddie, not looking away from the assholes in front of him.

"Alright guys. It's over. You can fuck off now." He says, his fists raised, knowing they probably won't just leave. Not that easily. They laugh. Because of course they do. Steve feels Eddie uncurl at his feet, hears his feet scrape the concrete as he struggles to stand.

They're still laughing, one of them lunges forward and pushes Eddie back down before Steve can stop him. Steve grabs the guys shirt and shoves him backwards.

"Do you guys really not have anything better to do? Go see a movie or something." Steve says, giving Eddie his hand as he reaches up, Steve pulls him to his feet. Eddie wipes blood from his mouth with the back of his hand as he sways next to Steve.

"Oh hey! Would you look at that. There's a theater right there. What a coincidence, huh Steve?" Eddie slaps Steve's arm and points to the theater they'd just left.

"Huge coincidence. And so convenient." Steve deadpans, keeping himself in front of Eddie.

"Oh we know there's a theater. We saw you and your," jackass number one starts, his eyes move from Steve to Eddie as he pauses, looks him up and down, and then back to Steve,

"boyfriend. Walk in as we were coming out. That's how we knew you were there. Asshole." They all sneer and elbow each other. Clearly thinking they've said something clever. Steve feels Eddie move away from him, just a fraction, and bites the inside of his cheek, hard, to stop himself from saying something stupid.

"Yeah, no man we know. I was being..." Steve pauses, what a fucking great time to not know a fucking word, but Eddie's on it.

"Sarcastic." He supplies, swaying back into Steve's space to supply the word and then swaying back out again.

"Sarcastic. Yeah. That. I was being sarcastic." Steve agrees, nodding, but not dropping his fists.

"Yeah." Eddie echoes, and Steve's not sure he can help it. He does it so often, to everyone.

"Okay whatever man. We don't care. This freaks got a storm coming. And we're here to deliver." The guy spits in Eddie's direction.

"You're here to deliver a storm?" Eddie asks, ducking closer to Steve again as the guy who spit faints jumping forward, Steve moves back and into Eddie, feels his hands brush his shoulders like he was going to rest them there, and then feels them move down his back and away from him.

The boys laugh again, all of them roughing each other up a little, slapping each others backs. Steve narrows his eyes and leans further into Eddie, pressing his back to Eddie's chest and tilting his head so that Eddie can hear him.

"Get ready to run." He whispers. He feels Eddie's hesitant "ok" breathed against his neck and plants his feet.

"Ya know somethin?" Steve calls, interrupting their idiotic laughter. Their laughter dies down as they look at him, all of them still chuckling.

"What?" The guy asks, smiling smuggly at Steve.

"You talk too much." Steve says, shoving his fist into the guys face as hard as he can. The guy falls back as the other two catch him and Steve grabs Eddie's hand.

They run out of the alley and make it to Steve's car just in time. The other boys slamming their hands down onto the hood of the car as Steve backs out and floors it, speeding away from the theater. He waits for the boys to follow but they don't. He drives another mile before he looks over to check on Eddie.

His face is pinched in pain, his hand pressed to his ribs as he breathes through his nose.

"You good?" Steve asks, doing his best to keep his eyes on the road when all he wants to do is look at Eddie.

"Oh yeahhh, totally good. Guess I should be used to getting the shit kicked out of me by now." He mumbles, sucking in air as he adjusts himself in the seat. But his words make Steve pause. He slows to a stop at a four way, the streets are empty, he looks at Eddie.

"Has this happened before? Since Jason went away I mean?" Steve looks at him, it's probably closer to a glare, he can't help it, the anger boiling in his chest is white hot. Eddie glances at him and then looks away, moving again so he's facing the window, hiding from Steve. But Steve sees it anyway, the guilt. He looks back to the road and starts driving, a heavy sigh leaving him.

"Why didn't you tell us man? We'd help you ya know?" Steve says, because it's true. And because he needs Eddie to know that.

"It doesn't matter." Eddie sighs, his head leaning further away to press against the window.

"It does so matter." Steve huffs, and he knows he shouldn't be mad. Not at Eddie.

"Guess I just figured... you guys have been through enough. Don't need you all worrying about poor little Eddie Munson. I can take care of myself. I don't need anyone's pitty." He grunts as he moves again.

"It's not about that. Hey." Steve stops the car, pulls to the side of the road. Eddie lets his head fall to the side to look at Steve, the guilt still swimming in his eyes.

"You don't have to take care of yourself. You're our friend. It's what we do. Ya know? We take care of each other. And that includes you now." Steve says, his knuckles reaching out, pressing gently to Eddie's thigh and then pulling back. Eddie's eyes move to Steve's hand and stay there.

"You just gotta tell us when stuff happens alright? So we can help you." He finishes, still looking at Eddie, who's still looking at Steve's hand.

"Yeah okay. Will do. Next time I'm getting chased by some jock assholes I'll let you know. Just stop at a pay phone and call the 1-800-Harrington-Help-Line." Eddie's eyes move finally, and when he looks at Steve that mischievous glint is back, and that blinding smile is easing onto his face and whatever it was that was constricting in Steve's chest relaxes. Steve snorts, and Eddie laughs before looking away, his head falling back on the headrest. Steve's eyes trail over Eddie's face, the blood on his lip and his temple making Steve frown. He puts the car in drive and pulls away.

They ride in silence for awhile. Steve pulls into his neighborhood and hears Eddie move again.

"Whoa. Where the hell are you taking me?" Eddie asks, his head snapping to look at Steve as he pulls into his driveway. He puts the car in park and takes the key out.

"I'm not taking you back to your house when a bunch of assholes just attacked you man. They know where you live. And it's a lot harder to break into a house in this neighborhood than it is your trailer." He gets out and walks to the other side of the car, opens Eddie's door and looks down at him, his brow furrowing.

"No offense." He tacks on, realizing how what he said sounded. Eddie sits there, not moving.

"And your parents are just gonna be okay with you bringing a murderer home?" Eddie asks, picking at the hole in his jeans.

"Hey. Alleged murderer." He smiles down at him.

"Besides they're on vacation. Come on man. We need to get those cuts taken care of." He slaps Eddie's shoulder and starts walking to the house. Giving him no choice but to follow. He climbs the steps to his porch and finally hears Eddie following, his feet scuffing the ground as he hesitantly moves closer to Steve's house. Steve holds the door open and gives him an encouraging smile, a little nod, motioning for Eddie to go inside with a wave of his hand. Eddie rolls his eyes but goes inside anyway.

~*~

He's in Steve Harrington's house. And that could be the weirdest thing that's happened to him during all this. But it gets worse. Because he's not just in his house. He's sitting on Steve Harrington's bathroom counter. And Steve Harrington himself is dressing his fucking wounds. Fuckin wild.

Eddie's fingers tap a rhythm on his knees as he tries to stay still. Steve's wetting a washcloth to clean the blood off Eddie's face. The cut on his temple doesn't hurt so bad. But the split lip is throbbing, which is almost definitely probably certainly being made worse by the fact that he can't keep his tongue off of it.

Steve moves into his space and he flinches, knows he does. Knows Steve sees it. He puts up one placating hand before he begins wiping at Eddie's head.

"Ow fuck!" Eddie yells, making Steve jump.

"Shit are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Steve asks, his fingers reaching out and gently touching Eddie's shoulder. Eddie smirks at him. Steve's face drops. He goes back to cleaning the cut.

"Asshole." He says, but his hands are gentle as he cleans the cut and tapes a square of gauze to Eddie's head. He takes a step back, looking at the bandage and then moving his eyes to Eddie's lip. He makes a few moves, like he's not sure how to get close to Eddie to get to it.

And Eddie. In all his goddamn wisdom. He fucking looks Steve right in eyes and fucking spreads his legs, making space for Steve. He'd love to say he did it to be cheeky, to be flirty, love to say he has that much fucking forethought about anything in his life. But the truth is, he just did it. Thought it would be the best way for Steve to reach him. For Steve to help him.

He can see in Steve's eyes he was wrong. That the gesture was maybe more than a little suggestive. He curls his fingers agaisnt his thighs, is about to apologize when Steve steps into the space he's made. Eddie goes to bite his lip to stop himself from gasping and ends up gasping anyway, his teeth sinking right into the cut on his lip. He grimaces and hisses in pain.

"That was smooth." Steve comments, and Eddie's heart jumps in his chest but then Steve's fingers are on his chin and he figures it out. Steve meant 'smooth. You hurt yourself way to go' and not 'smooth move, the way you literally spread your legs for me'. Eddie says nothing, just closes his eyes so he isn't looking at Steve fucking Harrington so close up. Closes his eyes so he doesn't do something stupid.

It doesn't take long for Steve to clean his cuts. Maybe five minutes, total. But it feels like forever. Steve's thigh bumps the inside of Eddie's at one point and he knows his whole body twitches, he can't help it. Steve graciously says nothing. Just keeps cleaning the cut on Eddie's lip. He taps Eddie's arm when he's done, Eddie opens his eyes and sees Steve offering him some aspirin. He takes them, hopping off the counter as Steve takes the first aid kit away, tucking it back into the hall closet as Eddie pops the pills in his mouth and fills his hand with water, swallowing them as Steve pops his head back into the room.

"Come on." He nods his head and walks down the hall. Eddie follows, his fingertips reaching out, moving over the walls as he goes. He follows Steve into his room and stops, standing in the middle, looking around, at all the posters, and the trophies.

"Here." Eddie turns just in time to catch the clothes Steve has thrown at him. A pair of sweatpants and the softest shirt Eddie has ever fucking felt in his life. He opens his mouth, takes a step back, about to go back to the bathroom to change when Steve pulls his shirt over his head.

"Oookaaay." Eddie breathes, quietly, Steve doesn't hear him, or ignores him if he does. Eddie turns around, his back to Steve, mainly so Steve can't see... all of him? He's not sure why. Steve plays sports. He does this all the time. Eddie on the otherhand, always found the locker room to be a goddamn nightmare. His eyes wander the wrong way once and he's a fucking dead man. So he turns his back to Steve, toes his shoes off and then wiggles out of his jeans. Tucking the shirt between his teeth as he goes.

He steps into the sweatpants and yanks them up before he shrugs off his jacket and vest, he fights off the urge to glance over his shoulder. Eddie rolls his eyes at himself and then yanks his shirt up over his head. He drops it on the floor and grabs the shirt from his mouth, and drops that one too. He bends to get it and yelps, the pain shooting through his rips suprising him. He manages to grab the shirt but not in time. Steve had heard him, and immediately come to help.

"What happ- jesus christ Eddie." Steve breathed, coming to a stop in front of him, his eyes glued to Eddie's stomach. Eddie immediately moves his arms to cover himself, knowing Steve is looking at the bruises, and not at him. But it's hard to separate the too currently, standing half naked in Steve Harrington's room with Steve fucking Harrington staring at him.

"Lemme see." Steve says softly, his fingers curling gently around Eddie's wrist where he's hugging himself, tugging his arms away slowly, letting Eddie decide if wants Steve to see or not. Eddie sighs and lowers his arms awkwardly to his sides, his fingers latching onto the sweatpants and worrying at them, his eyes on the ground as Steve's eyes are on him.

"It's not a big deal Harrington." He huffs, feeling defensive. Not sure why. He knows he doesn't need to feel like that around Steve. He knows Steve knows about Robin. But he also knows Steve doesn't know about the huge fucking crush Eddie has been harboring for him. And it's different, with Robin. It just is. He looks up from the floor when he hears Steve scoff at him. The look he's giving Eddie. Eddie can't read it.

"Not that bad? Eddie there are bruises here that look almost two weeks old. These right here?" Steve moves his hand, presses his palm flat agaisnt Eddie's side and he almost yelps again, but not from pain. He bites his lip instead, another mistake. He groans in pain, shrinks away from Steve's touch, and rubs his hands over his face.

"Look can we not do this? I know when the bruises are from man. I was actually there when they happened." He says, words falling out of him in a frustrated rush as he struggles to find the hole in the shirt that he needs so he can pull it on and cover the bruises so Steve will leave him alone. He drops the shirt again and makes a frustrated noise low in his throat. He moves to bend down again but Steve rushes forward.

"Hey hey hey I got it. Don't- just let me." He stands slowly, the shirt in his hands. He juggles it around and finds the opening easily, then he holds it out for Eddie. And he can't be fucking serious. This guys is literally offering to fucking help dress him. Eddie narrows his eyes. Steve rolls his.

"Come on man. You're clearly in pain. Can you just let this happen so we can get this over with?" Steve huffs now, taking another step forward. Eddie licks his lips, carefully, and nods. He ducks his head a bit as Steve moves the shirts onto him, sliding his arms up through the holes Steve has his hands through. Eddie's arms brush Steve's all the way up to his elbows before Steve pulls back and lets the shirt fall onto him. Before Eddie can move to do it, Steve moves closer and pulls Eddie's hair up and out from where it's tucked under the collar. Eddie is sure he has to notice the shiver this time. But he still says nothing.

"Umm... thank you?" Eddie says, because he can't say nothing. Never learned how.

"Sure man." Steve says, nods, and then walks to his bed and jumps in, scooting to the far side, next to the wall, leaving the covers pushed back. Eddie just stands where he is, looking like an idiot no doubt. And this was a bad idea. He should have just made Steve take him home. His hands shake at his sides, he fists them in the sweatpants to make them stop.

"Am I..." Eddie starts, trailing off and just pointing to the bed instead. More of a strange wobbly wave of his hand to be honest, but it gets the point across.

"Anytime you're ready, yeah." Steve sounds amused. And Eddie really wishes he could feel the same way. His heart pounds in his chest as he shuffles across the floor and crawls into the bed, tucking the sheets under his arm as he lays back and stares at the ceiling.

~*~

It's been at least an hour. And they're both just laying there. Eddie swears he can feel his heart beating in his toes. He hears Steve move finally, hears him turn over. He closes his eyes, praying and hoping and wishing he's turned to face the wall.

"Hey, I know you're awake." Steve's whisper is close. Eddie grimaces, definitely not facing the wall. He opens his eyes and glances to his right, Steve is laying on his side, hands tucked beneath his head, looking at Eddie in the dark. Eddie moves his eyes away and clears his throat awkwardly, sighing and gathering courage before he turns as well. Rotating under the sheet to face Steve, one arm wrapped around his middle, the other lying between them, picking at a stray thread in the sheet.

"Good observational skills ya got there Steve." He says, quietly. Both of them are whispering though there's no one else in the house. Steve snorts, tells him to shut up. But, unless Eddie's eyes are deceiving him, he looks... fond. Eddie can't take it. Can't take Steve fucking Harrington looking at him like that after having saved his ass, and patched his wounds, and giving him fucking clothes to sleep in.

"Hey Steve." He starts, drawing his attention, making sure he's listening.

"Yeah?" Steve's eyes are on him, twinkling in the dark with something Eddie can't identify.

"Thanks for not leaving me this time." Eddie says, not looking away from Steve, he needs to see this. Needs to know if he remembers. He watches Steve stare at him. Watches his face change. And then he sees it, the guilt seeps onto his features as Eddie watches him in the dark. Steve swallows, hard, and clears his throat awkwardly. Eddie swears he sees him wiggling a bit further away from Eddie.

"I um... I didn't know you remembered that." He says finally, and Eddie nods, slowly.

"You didn't think I remembered getting beat up at school, by my old friends' new friends? My old friend just letting it happen, and then leaving with them while they laughed. You didn't think I'd remember that?" There's no malice in his voice. He's not angry.

But they've never talked about it. Not when Steve showed up at the boat house with Dustin. Not in the upside down when Steve was thanking him for saving his ass. And at no point since everything had been over. They'd never once talked about what happened when they were kids. And this was a nice moment, so Eddie figured, perfect time to ruin that. He'd never admit it, but he prided himself on his terrible decision making sometimes. If he was good at one thing, it was putting his fucking foot in his mouth and syaing the exact wrong thing at the exact right time.

"I'm so sorry-" Steve starts, his voice edging into panic far too quick for Eddie's liking.

"Hey it's okay. We were kids. It's not. I'm not... I'm not mad. Anymore. Never really was I don't think. I don't remember being mad about it..." he isn't lying. He doesn't remember being mad. He was sad, for awhile. But that had passed too, eventually.

"I don't really know why I brought it up." And that's a lie. Sort of. Steve just looks at him. Clearly trying to figure out if Eddie is fucking with him. And to be fair, Eddie does do that, a lot. But he's not right now. So he gives Steve an akward smile and he he waits.

"Because we never talked about it. And we should have. I should have. Should have said something." Steve sighs, and Eddie watches him move closer in the dark.

"I've been thinking about it. Off an on, since we found you. That day at Reefer Rick's." Steve says, one hand moving from beneath his head to push through his hair. Eddie's fingers twitch with longing against his ribs as he watches.

"Oh yeah? What were you thinking about it?" Eddie asks, his teeth worrying into his lip despite the pain. Steve smiles a little, shakes his head, his arm now resting on his head as he talks to the ceiling.

"I don't know. You uh, you mentioned running away, when Chrissy died. And I don't know, I was standing there thinking, 'he's gonna make a comment about running away to me. I know he is. Cuz I ran away from him.' But you didn't." Steve looks back to Eddie. Eddie's breath catches in his throat at the look Steve is giving him.

"You never said anything about it. Never made a mean comment. But that's just you, isn't it?" Steve asks, his voice is different now, soft in a way Eddie's never heard it.

"What is?" His brow furrows, he's confused. This conversation is not going at all how he'd expected it.

"You're not mean. Like, even when you're angry, you don't like... take it out on people. I mean hell, I don't know that I've even actually seen you genuinely angry. Not about anything that's happened to you." He's moved closer again. Eddie swears he can feel his breath on his face. He definitely just felt Steve's knee bump his, and had to inwardly congratulate himself for not jumping out of the bed and across the room, the way it made his heart flutter he may as well have done all that.

"I've seen you get mad on other people's behalf. But that's like, just you being protective. Which is... attractive." The last word out of his mouth is barely audible. He can't have said what Eddie heard him say.

"It's what?" His hands are shaking, his heart is beating so loud he can hear it, and Steve Harrington is looking at him softly. And then he smiles. Steve fucking smiles. He moves fucking closer. Again. And then reaches out, his hand moving to Eddie's face, fingers moving gently to his lip.

"I said it's attractive. Does that still hurt?" He says it nonchalantly, and then fucking covers it with a question, that fucking smile still on his goddamn lips. Eddie's brain is sinking into some kind of fog, he's been in Steve's presence for too long. That's what's happening. It really doesn't help that all he can fucking smell is Steve. His clothes, the sheets, fucking Steve himself, being so goddamn close. He feels like he's drowning in him.

"No, it's not bad. Did you say you think I'm attractive?" He can't believe he gets the words out. Shocked they don't get stuck in his throat. Steve nods, his fingers moving over Eddie's cheek now, and he knows the skin there must be burning.

"Good. Glad it feels better. And yes. Yes I did." He cups Eddie's cheek then and Eddie can't stop his own hand from moving to Steve's wrist.

"Yeah. Me too." He says, voice shaking. He doesn't address the second comment. Has no idea what he'd even say.

"I've been thinking." Steve says, his thumb soothing over Eddie's hot skin.

"That's dangerous." Eddie tries, tries to joke, tries to lighten this up, not sure he can take this.

"Mhm. 'Specially what I've been thinking." Steve nods, and then he presses his knee between Eddie's, just slots it there like that's where it belongs. Eddie's entire body is shaking now, he's sure he's going to vibrate out of his skin.

"What uh.. what have you been thinking?" He manages to ask, his fingers tightening on Steve's wrist, trying to ground himself. Steve sighs, keeps moving his thumb.

"I've been wondering if your split lip would hurt too much if I kissed you. Cuz I don't wanna hurt you." Steve's eyes drop to Eddie's lips as he licks his own.

"Don't wanna hurt me." Eddie echos.

"Nuh uh." Steve shakes his head, once.

"But you wanna kiss me." Eddie says. Statement. Not a question.

"Yeah. I really do. Is that-" he licks his lips again.

"Is that okay?" There is the smallest amount of self doubt in his voice and that's all Eddie needs to hear before he's nodding, enthusiastically, nearly knocking Steve's hand off of him. Steve laughs then, it's loud in the dark but it's fine, because when the laugh stops he's looking at Eddie with hopeful eyes, and he's pulling Eddie toward him with that dumb smile on his lips and Eddie thinks he might faint.

Steve's lips are soft, and warm, and sweet. Eddie knows he moans into Steve's mouth the second their lips touch, he can't help it. He feels Steve smile agaisnt his mouth and knows he doesn't care. Steve's tongue runs along his bottom lip gently, dragging another moan from him and Steve's hand moves into his hair. His fingers clench around Eddie's hair and hold him still as Steve pulls back to look at Eddie. He just looks at him. Says nothing.

"What? Is everything okay?" Eddie asks, getting worried. Maybe the moaning had been too much, but he's not sure how the fuck he's supposed to control that when Steve is licking into his mouth. Steve pulls his hand from Eddie's hair and moves his thumb over Eddie's lip again.

"You taste like blood." He whispers, and it doesn't sound like a complaint. Eddie licks his lips, his eyes moving over Steve's face.

"You don't." He breathes, he's nearly panting now, this is ridiculous. Steve breathes a laugh, ducks down and presses his lips to Eddie's, moves back again.

"What do I taste like?" He asks, proping himself up on his elbow, his head resting on his hand as he looks down at Eddie.

"Good." Eddie says dumbly, all descriptive words having left his brain the moment Steve Harrington said he wanted to kiss him.

"Good huh?" Steve says, clearly mocking him.

"Really good? I don't know man I'm kind of at a loss for words here." Eddie huffs, shrugging against the sheets. Steve smiles again, leaning down, his lips brushing Eddie's.

"Should've kissed you sooner." He whispers, smiling into the kiss as he deepens it. Eddie whines this time as Steve's leg presses further between his, moving dangerously close. And then Steve's words register in his kiss foggy brain.

"Hey!" He shoves Steve back a little, but not too far.

And steve is laughing, and then pulling Eddie close and kissing his face, his cheeks, his forehead, his nose. He moves the kisses down his neck until Eddie is moaning again when Steve drags his teeth over Eddie's collar bone and then Steve pulls Eddie on top of him, settling on his chest as he looks up at him.

"We should get some sleep. You need rest." His hand is cupping Eddie's cheek again, and then pushing his hair out of his face and behind his ear. Eddie nods. And lets himself fall onto Steve's chest, his head resting above his heart. Steve's hand moves into his hair, his fingers moving over Eddie's scalp gently. Eddie's uncle had once called him a cat, because, he'd said, all you had to do was pet Eddie's hair and he'd fall alseep anywhere, turns out he was right. Eddie drifts off to sleep as Steve's fingers move against him, the gentle touches sending him into the dark.

~*~

Eddie wakes to sun in his eyes and Steve Harrington's hand in his hair. He groans as he stretches his leg and rolls off of Steve to stretch his back. Another low groan pulling out of him.

"Jesus Christ. The noises you make are obscene Munson." Steve's groggy voice says, even as he chases after Eddie's warmth, cuddling into his side, his arm gently wrapping around Eddie's middle. Eddie lets out a shaky laugh and moves his hand into Steve's hair, the itch in his fingers finally, finally, sated.

"Am I dreaming?" Eddie asks, his chest suddenly filled with pressure, maybe it was worry, maybe it was happiness, he wasn't sure. So he figured he should ask. And Steve must hear it in his voice because he shifts to look at him, pressing himself up on his hand, so he can look down at Eddie.

"You're not dreaming. This is real." He moves his hand to Eddie's cheek, presses his lips gently to his and then pulls back.

"I'm gonna do that all the time now." Steve says. Matter of fact. And then he lowers himself back to Eddie's chest.

"You make a lot of noises when I kiss you. It's nice." Steve says, his fingers dancing along the waistband of the sweatpants on Eddie's hips. Eddie chuckles and moves his hand back into Steve's hair.

"You caught me off guard. You just wait til I have my wits about me. Then we'll see who's making noises." He says it like a promise, giving Steve's hair a gentle tug. He can feel Steve smiling against his chest, he snuggles closer the harder Eddie pulls on his hair, and that's a good know, Eddie tucks that away as he soothes his hand over the hair he's tousled.

"Can't fucking wait." And the way Steve says it, mumbled sleepily into Eddie's chest, well, that sounds like a promise too.

#steddie #steddie fic #steddie ficlet #steve x eddie #steve harrington x eddie munson #my writing #mine #my fic #stranger things fic #stranger things

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rikeijo · 10 months

Note

I saw you point out the fact that if Ice Ado released it would make less money then if it released in 2019, and while I agree with that, I feel like it should be pointed out that no matter what, MAPPA will get a LOT of money from it. From fans who stuck around, to people who left the fandom but see the movie coming out and watch it or even rejoin the fandom for the nostalgia kick, to new fans, or even to the figure skaters who are/were big fans of the show, MAPPA will no doubt make a LOT of money from Ice Ado.

Hi! Thank you for the message!

Yeah, I agree that the amount of money they would make would still be a big number looking from eg. our perspective, but would it be a number big enough for people in the industry?

About profit - we need to take into consideration that it actually costs money to produce the movie, then to advertise it and then to actually release it in theaters. The budget and distribution plan for the movie was decided when YoI was hyper popular and just thinking about the quality and how difficult it was to animate the skating scenes for TV anime (and on big screen everything has to look much much better) we can safely assume that it is expensive to make. So if the movie is released, it first needs to at least not be a flop and not earn less than it cost (production+marketing+release in theaters) and then we can talk about profit (that MAPPA most likely will again see a very small part of).

Another important thing is that it's one thing to like a fanart here or on twitter, and another to spend 1500 or 2000 yens + transport and 2 hours of your life to go to a theater and see the movie - the question is: would enough people be willing to do that? And what if there really is no Yuuri in the movie? Just Victor + a few others and new characters? What if eg. very androgynous Victor is seeing another man in the movie? Would enough people be happy with that and still want to spend their money on the movie? I can bet a looooot of money that many VicYuu fujos absolutely wouldn't, eg. What I mean is that there is a high chance that a significant portion of the fandom (that in 2023 is much smaller than it was in 2019) will hate the movie, anyways, if they released it.

But all in all, I think that it's still possible that somebody with money and power will decide it's worth to reactivate this IP instead of creating a new one, and then if the circumstances are right IceAdo will be released, as well. I personally don't think it's very likely that they will just release it one day, all of sudden, at this point.

#ask #ice adolescence

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void-wolfie · 2 months

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Hi, here are some asks that you wanted, hope it's not too many lol

🖤 favorite hobbies outside of your blog

🍅 least favorite food

🍌 what is one talent you wish you had

✏️ when did you start writing fanfic

📚 how do you come up with the fics you write

📌 what is the fic you’re know for

💔 is there a fic you wish you didn’t write

🌝 a show you would recommend to anyone

🌚 a show you’d tell people to stay away from

⭐️ what is one of your biggest accomplishments? Why is it so important to you?

🍀 what is your comfort show/series and why is it your comfort show? How has it helped you?

this definitely is a lot, but not too many at all (honestly I've been bored out of my mind all day so I'm happy for the interaction) 😂

(thank you for the asks <3)

🖤 - favorite hobbies outside writing?

gaming and drawing, I'm not very good at either but who says you have to be good at your hobbies lol

I generally game by myself since most of my friends like first person shooters and those might just be my least favorite lol, and when it comes to drawing I usually just trace stuff and then put my own twist on it

🍅 - least favorite food?

to be honest, so many... I have the diet of a picky five year old and it pretty much consists of like 5 meals and that's it lol

ironically enough, my girlfriend is a chef, and you would not believe the amount of teasing I have to endure for my picky taste buds 😂

but to answer the question, probably tomatoes? or pickles maybe? the smell of pickles alone will make me nauseous 😂

🍌 - talent I wish I had?

singing, hands down.

I was this close 🤏🏻 to being an actor and pursuing that until I realized I hate the sound of my own voice (especially the sound of my singing) and the theater program at my school only did musicals 😂

✏️ - when did I start writing fanfics?

highschool, I was in tenth grade I believe (so roughly 15yrs old) 😂

I would always get bored doing assignments or finish early, and parents would work late, so I turned one of my hyper fixations into a hobby, and here I am 5 (?) years later still enjoying it 😂

📚 - how do I come up with ideas for my fics?

most of the time it's just day dreaming, I get bored in class and my mind will wander, happens a lot when I'm in my math classes (college professors are so boring guys) 😂

a lot of the time my mind will wander before I fall asleep too, making up fake scenarios about things I wish I could experience or cute scenes I saw in a movie or something lol

and then the very rare occasion, sometimes it's actually based on true events, I don't think anything I've posted on here is based on true events, but I'd have to reread to tell you for certain 😂

📌 - which fic am I known for?

honestly I'm not sure, I don't think I'm very well known as a writer so I wouldn't necessarily say I'm "known" for something (other than apparently my angst stories lol)

but anywho, my most popular fics (in order) are Music to My Ears, Puppy Love, and Inhale... so hopefully that answers the question 😂

💔 - is there a fic I wish I didn't write?

honestly not really, I'm proud of most of my fics. even the ones I'm on the fence about or don't exactly like, I wouldn't say I regret writing them

so to answer your question, no 😂

🌝 - a show I'd recommend to anyone?

honestly a bunch, but depends on what you like lol

sci-fi? stranger things

historical drama? reign

supernatural? supernatural, teen wolf, or originals

drama / crime? criminal minds

drama / doctors? the good doctor

comedy / sitcom? the big bang theory, modern family, or how I met your mother

(this is so many, my bad, but honestly these are all good shows and you should check them out if you're bored 😂)

🌚 - a show I'd tell people to stay away from?

I have no serious answer to this so I will leave u with this;

cocomelon 😌

⭐ - biggest accomplishment?

it's not a fact I talk about often, especially because it was so long ago, but I'm actually a first degree black belt

I started taekwondo when I was maybe 9 (?) and it took maybe 4 or 5 years but I worked my way up and earned my black belt, I wanna say it was about a 3 hour long test and it was hard to push myself to do it, but after lots of hard work and determination I got there, and I'm proud of myself for that lol

🍀 - comfort show?

it may sound a bit funny, but teen wolf, yeah it may not have had the best plot or special effects, but I started it one day and couldn't stop. I've watched that show so many times I can quote it like the back of my hand and it's always something familiar I can turn to when I need comfort

#ask game #asks #ask game answers

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emeraldgreaves · 10 months

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For the Weird Questions for Writers please and thank you! 1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting? 16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark? 25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story? 29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry? (#16 is kinda personal, because I used to work at a library and we had an unofficial contest to see who could find the weirdest thing someone left in a book as a bookmark! Trust me, we found some weird and gross things! lol)

[weird questions for writers]

What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

usually I go for the default when I’m just starting out (calibri on word), then switch to something that feels tonally appropriate when i need a change of pace! e.g. for the bridgerton fic, I was using a serif typeface called book antiqua because honestly how could I not, lol. also jazz recently clued me into a relatively barebones word processing program called stimuwrite, and I just use the default there!

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

story time. i once signed up for a work event where a mildly popular tv chef cooks rapidly over video call while you and your coworkers frantically try to keep up. said event came with a promotional cookbook, which i flipped through most of before putting it away to look at later. it was not a very interesting cookbook, so later never really came. because i use my hands a lot, i have a habit of taking off my wedding ring and putting it out of the way on the nearest available surface. this means it sometimes goes missing for days at a time. so i’m rearranging the cookbooks on the kitchen counter and starting to wonder if I’ve accidentally knocked my ring down a drain or something without realizing, when i realize the books are sitting at a slight angle and refusing to line up. i come to realize that the culprit is said promotional cookbook, so i take it out and open it, and what is sitting nestled close to the spine?

TLDR this man ate my family jewels.

(fabio was sent to the donation pile as penance, although honestly he was headed for it anyway. it wasn’t a particularly good cookbook.)

more answers under the cut!

What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

The following is actually for a fic, so standard disclaimer that shepherds of haven & its characters of course belong to lena, and I’m just making up things based on them. because take your daughter to work day is a time travel story that starts a generation after the main game, i had to nerf the future!versions of the inner circle somehow so they couldn’t just go back and fix things themselves. for the most part time has done the work for me—the early shepherd recruits skew so young that future!tallys is the only one who could still pass for recruitment age, and there’s obviously already a tallys running around—but there is one person who that still might not stop, and that’s our favorite planeshifting academic/mad scientist liefred antiqua. so i took a bat to his knee. more specifically, at some point he was up on the roof of their house fixing idk, their magic satellite antenna or something, when he slipped on a wet patch and fell off, breaking his leg in a couple of places. he’s healed from it, but definitely can’t run like he used to, a fact that is leveraged to keep him from joining the travel part of the time travel mission LMAO

Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

Mostly books, theater, and art! The scope of my life is very small and fairly boring i.e. not good creative fodder, so i have to draw inspiration by proxy. If I get stuck, I try reading something that’s tonally in the same wheelhouse, which I can usually analyze for ideas for sentence construction or new ways to advance the plot. I tend to write out of order, so I’ll sometimes reorganize my snippets to put them in the order of the story to see if that clarifies anything. And if that doesn’t work, I hop to a different WIP. While I wish I was better about not constantly abandoning stuff (and am working to change that), I’m not on any deadlines except for my self-imposed ones.

#ask meme #weird questions for writers #book antiqua has also become the go-to body font for my typesets #i prefer the relative openness of the letters to garamond #this is what happens when you get into bookbinding btw. you start developing Font Opinions

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billiethetween · 10 months

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at some point i'd love to dig more into the production of oppenheimer, because if there was any co-operation from the DoE or DoD at any point and if so how much and if it was enough to have influence over the final product is an important question. as far as i can, most of the location shooting took place on national park land or off the hill on what i assume is land already regularly used for movies and tv (of which there is quite a lot), which goes a long way to explaining why it isn't exactly "oh ra oh ra USA" in it's tone.

that being said, i've seen way too many people who haven't even seen it or seem to only be capable of digesting media when it's hyper-literal calling it propaganda, which is a bit weird considering an actual propaganda film is currently number 3 in the box office. sound of freedom is a film explicitly made to promote a cause and a person with a pretty loose relationship with the truth despite presenting itself as a 100% true story, which like... that's what a propaganda film is. you can and should pick apart the messaging of oppenheimer, because it is a movie about real historical events with ongoing consequences. but i definitely wouldn't call it a "rallying cry" to much of anything, and it wears the fact it's ultimately a work of fiction on it's sleeve. some of the well meaning ideologues that live in my phone were shocked that the cast walked off the premier, which is pretty funny considering a huge chunk of the movie is devoted to unionization. things can surprise you!

it's frustrating to live in times where our taste in media is so thoroughly entangled in the culture wars, because by a lot of metrics everything is propaganda and easily categorized into "good, because i think it's on my side," or "bad, thus on the side of my enemies." anything deeper than that is often met with hostility. i like barbie and oppenheimer because they're difficult and weird. i already plan on seeing both of them in theaters again because i don't think i caught everything on my first viewing. i like that i might walk out of the theater a second time with a completely different take. do people not like that anymore?

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cerebricarchives · 1 month

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Little Timmy: ... Colgate toothpaste commercials, I cameoed on a Limp Bizkit music video, that wasnt really my best of times. But yeah no yeah, Calvin and I go a long way back. Believe his first film he was with me was a little comedy known as "Little man, Big plan." Ah, lotsa back and forth in the writers room, two directors quit. You know who wanted to be on that? Michael j Anderson. He didn't even need to duck to dodge that bullet, and I sure as hell took a bullet for him. But Calvin and I were very chemetic... Like you know we both knew each other beforehand or whatever but we stuck together like glue.

Interviewer: is that why you've been in five films with him five times?

Little Timmy: well it's really not like a got much on my plate really. I mean you've seen my act, Lieutenant Magnum is like one of the best characters of the series. You know second to Joey Explosion.

Calvin Lawson: it's it's more than just parody here. I mean when's the last time you've seen an action packed movie filled with explosions, and instead as for irony it's played straight? This generation needs a movie like die hard, and no one that's supposed to be played as a joke. Straight to the point hard ass action for men.

Interviewer: and I'm hearing in this new installment there's some new changes to it.

Calvin Lawson: if you've geard any of those rumors they are bullshit. We're not taking any twists, psychological horror, or any of that drama BS. The only thing different is it's run time.

Interviewer: well I hate to be a sourpuss but the whole script for "Joey Explosion 5: Deplore The Implode", out theaters on June 1st, but there's a magnificent scene where Joey Explosion actually takes off his sunglasses is that true?

Calvin Lawson: ... No that's not supposed to happen, I mean we haven't shot any scenes so far but.... No because of my hyper sensitivity to light...

Little Timmy: I like I said it's a, you know writer's room is always throwing ideas everywhere, would be surprised of this was AI generated. No no the script the script is always the draft when we shoot things on site it's always you know we changing the script the line. I mean hell "I'm going to shit down your rug", that long run in catchphrase of Joey explosion was done on the spot, we roll with all those sort of punches.

Interviewer: well, if there's any more questions I could-

Calvin and Little Timmy, and unison: this interview is over.

Little Timmy: listen buddy I'm sorry about the fucking script man, I must've missed that part out when I was skimming through this whole thing. 400 pages for this movie dude, I swear it's triple space.

Calvin Lawson: does it even matter anymore? "My eyes are hypersensitive to the sun." Like you realize how gay that sounds?

Little timmy: it's going to break the most ultimate rule in the the ToJ code book if your identity got out, you want to go back doin your quotas 10 times a week during film season?

Calvin Lawson: oh yeah sure, and the only damn reason why you wanted the sidekick gig is to avoid those damn quotas.

Little Timmy: yeah you know what any little person isn't unique about? Facial shapeshiftin, that is. Ain't no way I'm going to be wearing a fancy gowl when it could be out there on the set. Now listen I'll talk to the director about this maybe they'll cut the scene out, but unless we think about something I think we're going to be on thin ice that's about to crack.

Calvin Lawson: hey not bad line.

Little Timmy: Calvin for real, if we don't got ourselves a real alibi, the sure as hell will be the last Joey Explosion movie.

#creating writer writing #heroes die #out of thought #comic book style #Syfy #Syfy spell like sci-fi #okay why would you do that #sci-fi #there we go

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handicappedbuenchico · 9 months

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21. What is your most marked characteristic? (hint: A marked characteristic is a term used to describe something that is very obvious and easily noticed)

1754. In what way are you too hard on yourself?

433. Have you ever cried at a movie?

DITTO. SAME QUESTIONS.

21. What is your most marked characteristic? (hint: A marked characteristic is a term used to describe something that is very obvious and easily noticed)

My most marked characteristic? I mean, that would depend on who I'm around I'm being honest. My therapist points out my intelligence, resilience, and kindness a lot. My younger brother loves to point out my yellow teeth and the fact that I'm fat A LOT (even though he has no room to talk considering he still looks like Jack Skellington with a skin suit on at 19 years old and teeth that are WORSE than mine). My dad always points out my hyper-empathy, an aspect of myself that I have never had any control over, in the most condescending ways possible ("You whiner!" "You need to learn to let what I did to you shit go!" "You let things get to you too easily!" You know, shit like that.) My mother always feels the urge and need to point out my body hair whenever she sees that I haven't shaved in a while, you know, because goodness forbid a woman doesn't shave for a long period of time 🙄. Honestly, it's interesting to me that a lot of the characteristics that have been pointed out to me over the years are direct results of me being a formerly undiagnosed autistic girl who was never taught basic self-care and hygiene and with deep rooted trauma that I will probably never fully heal from.

1754. In what way are you too hard on yourself?

Would you like the summarized version or my entire scroll that circles the earth 5 times over? Right now, the main things I am really hard on myself for is the fact that I couldn't even finish college, yet my younger sister with ADHD could get her bachelor's degree in psychology, nor can I find a job to at least contribute monetarily to my living situation. It also doesn't help that my hypocrite deadbeat father who refuses to apply his own "advice" to his own life keeps fostering this feeling within me by reminding me and my younger brother (who college also didn't work for and is also ADHD) that we "better figure out what we want to do," and "should look at trade school if we don't want to go back to college," you know, because trades aren't an oversaturated field BECAUSE of people like him giving advice like that. My dad doesn't even have, nor does he even want to get, his G.E.D and he's preaching "facts" at me and my brother like he FUCKING KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT! AHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm also hard on myself for struggling with something as simple as starting a task, or struggling to do tasks that I KNOW I can do normally, but for some reason my brain and body disconnect from each other, like Bluetooth headphones that are too far away from the phone their connected to, and then I feel fucking stupid because I either forget how I was taught to do it OR I'll stop mid-task and stare into the ether wondering what the fuck I'm doing. I'm also exhausted constantly even though most days I barely do anything, unless you count having anxious and existential dread thoughts, as well as most definitely having autistic burnout, as extraneous activities. I've been really hard on myself for that lately too.

433. Have you ever cried at a movie?

Not going to lie, I don't remember ever crying while watching a movie in the theater, but I KNOW that I've cried while watching movies at home. My most recent movie cry was while watching the last Guardians of the Galaxy movie when Rocket's having his own moment of "dying character meeting his dead friend/relative/love interest again after a long time in a white void and the dead person tells the dying character that it's not their time to go yet." Like, I KNEW it was going to happen, but it still had me crying like a baby FOR REAL. 😭😭😭

#betterto-die-thanto-crawl

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tce070 · 2 years

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The Mass Shooter Phenomena

We live in a hyper connected world where news information is constantly reported to a mass of news media companies and released to the general public 24/7 365. I do not know if they have an agenda or motive but they are extremely busy in what they do and honesty why should they not? In a world of billions of people, crazy stories are going to happen! The focus of this essay is the mass shooter phenomena.

The end is near! Religions have been claiming this for thousands of years! And who is responsible? The angel of death! A man with a gun! Like many of you, I am personally sick and tired of hearing about another mass shooting but first; who wants to become a shooter? They are mostly outcasts, weirdos, and nut jobs that perhaps loose touch with reality. Our world is constantly creating them!

Let’s start with 2012 although there were some serious shootings prior most notably the Virginia Tech massacre. It was during my freshman year of college that this event happened and it cost the lives of 32 students and teachers! 2012 however is when the Mayan Doomsday occurred and I firmly believe it had an effect on the Aurora movie theater shooter and the Sandy Hook elementary school shooter. 40 Americans murdered in cold blood!

There are too many for me to remember but a few more definitely stick out to me and they come a little bit closer back to the present. The Pulse Nightclub shooting ended the lives of 49 people in 2017. That same year a mass shooter took out 60 human beings in Las Vegas, Nevada perched in a VIP suite at the Mandalay Bay! Two years later in 2019, a mass shooter killed 23 Texans at a Walmart in El Paso.

Not all mass shootings occur in the United States. In 2011, a political extremist murdered 77 in Norway. At the Bataclan theater in Paris, France 2015, religious extremists killed 137 concert goers. Another example is the shooting in New Zealand that was live streamed on the internet as the shooter entered religious establishments and ended the lives of 51! This is a global phenomena.

The past two years have been especially hard on America. There were shootings at festivals, grocery stores, massage parlors, churches, elementary schools, workplaces, and just randomly on the streets like at a 4th of July parade! Now I must ask the question: What is going on here?

Some of these shooters end their lives before law enforcement can apprehend them. Some remain alive in their cells today. Regardless of their reasoning they gain mass attention and fame if not only for a few days before the general populous forgets and the victims lay paralyzed forever! Is it war? Do these perpetrators see themselves in battle? Are they part of a vigilante army? Killing unarmed civilians that don’t see it coming! It is a terrible thing. What are they accomplishing? Just ending lives because who knows why?

Is this biblical prophecy? The end of the world for an unfortunate amount of people? Are these shooters agents of the devil? Are they the Antichrist? These are questions I ask every time another mass shooter story breaks! Thoughts and prayers thoughts and prayers! Why don’t I name a few more mass shootings that I can remember: The 2015 San Bernardino workplace attack that took the lives of 16. The 2017 Parkland shooting that killed 17 students and teachers. In 2015, mass shooters entered the Charlie Hebdo office and murdered 12 French cartoonists! Do you get my drift? What is happening on Planet Earth?

POLITICS AND RELIGION

tce070 the ameba virus

#mass shooting

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epigstolary · 2 years

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Out and About

I think I have the most fun when we get to go out and spend time together, just the two of us. I’m sure that’s not uncommon for someone in a relationship to say -- but most couples don’t include someone who’s 800 pounds.

No matter how many times it happens, I never get tired of seeing the alarm on people’s faces wherever we go -- the sight of you laboring up behind me, rolls of fat wobbling all over your body, red-faced and sweating, breaths coming in ragged gasps, all your effort focused on just advancing forward and controlling the movement of your bulk as best you can with your overmatched frame. The staff of whatever store, restaurant, theater, or other place we happen to be visiting clearly terrified that you, putting the morbid in morbid obesity, will become an emergency for them to deal with at any moment; but having to keep up their best customer service face because you’re joining me, a normal person who isn’t a walking heart attack waiting to happen. The obvious effort it takes them to ignore the literal elephant in the room never ceases to amuse.

And then there’s how other patrons react to you trying to operate normally in an environment your engorged body clearly isn’t suited for anymore. Most public spaces aren’t designed for someone with a 100+ inch waist, and they always show some vicarious embarrassment at seeing you try to perch your extra-wide ass on two chairs in a restaurant, or struggling to squeeze your bulging love handles into two theater seats even with the middle armrest up. They studiously avoid looking like they want to look at you, despite their morbid curiosity, even when you’re lumbering by them in the aisle or next to their table, your heavy footfalls and labored breathing all but impossible to ignore. Most of them must wonder how you can stand to have grown as huge as you have. Little do they know how recently you were more or less their size, and how hard you had to work to accumulate this much lard on your body.

Your reactions are always adorable, too. How self-conscious you look when you see the furtive glances of the other patrons in your direction, silently judging you for letting yourself get like this and still expecting to be able to go out in public. The pleading look you give me when I make you struggle to the buffet counter to get your next plate, or to the lobby for yet another round of movie snacks. The snide comments about your size or lack of fitness from the bolder customers or staff — the kind that turn your already flushed cheeks bright red with embarrassment. You know the shock, revulsion, and disdain in everyone’s minds must be far worse than anything they would say within earshot of you.

But when we eat, you have every reason to suspect it’s far worse. However self-conscious you may be, however hyper-aware you are of their judgments on your gluttony, you’re too used to the scale of your usual meals to limit yourself. When your routine at home involves eating a family-size portion for every meal and snacking almost without interruption in between, there’s no way an ordinary serving will satisfy you. And so you find yourself returning again and again to the buffet line, your burgeoning belly and tits heaving and wobbling as you fill plate after plate to take back to your seat; or ordering multiple meals under the questioning gaze of the waiter, who takes in the hanging rolls pushing out from your undersized clothes and whose raised eyebrows wordlessly communicate the question, “Are you sure eating all of that is a good idea? Aren’t you fat enough already?” The other customers, too, look like the same question is on their minds, watching your fat bob up and down with each bite your take of your oversized meal, undoubtedly adding even more blubber to your excessive bulk.

It’s in moments like these that you’re most keenly aware of just how outrageous your body is to an average-size person. A typical civilian wants to diet at the first appearance of a muffin top or softening midsection; your waistband disappeared long ago under a belly that hangs over your knees, whether sitting or standing. Normal people would hide their legs at the first sign of dimpling cellulite; whereas you proudly display legs bigger around than most people’s waists, your thighs bulging out to fill the space between your legs, and the rest of the massive, wobbling rolls piling more pressure on the bloated feet anchoring you to the ground. They work to have toned arms and a lean upper body; but you’re content to have arms laden with blubber, so puffy that your wrists and elbows are completely obscured, so heavy you can lift them to feed yourself another mouthful of food only with conscious effort. When you’re not eating, you have to rest them on the thick flab of your chest, the rolls on your forearms folding and bunching atop the two massive tits plopped on that out-of-control belly. To these people, your body is a monument to a lack of control, a cautionary tale about what unrestrained gluttony can do to someone. It’s a wreck, and you’re a subject of revulsion and pity, buried under hundreds of pounds of bad decisions that you have to waddle around with every day.

But that isn’t what I see. I see someone who eats exactly what they want, has made their body exactly what they wanted it to be, and does exactly what they want to do whether they’re too fat for it or not. Sure, you might say that I’m the one who made you this way, that you never wanted to get this huge, or that you’d never subject yourself to the judgment and derision of the public if I didn’t require it of you. But would you really have let me keep encouraging you if you didn’t want a life like this? Would you have kept eating if you didn’t want to be wobbling on the edge of immobility? Would you pass up all those snacks and buffets and feasts, just to avoid the odd comment here and there about being too out of shape to haul your lard-packed body anywhere outside the house without looking like you’re about to collapse?

I think you know the answers to all those questions. And I think it’s why, however much you whine and wring your hands, you never refuse to go out when I tell you to. Because you want to be the fattest one in the room just as much as I want it for you. You never feel fatter than when all eyes are on you, when you can shock a room with your immensity, and when you know you’re offending someone just by being super-morbidly obese and existing around them. It drives them crazy that you’re quadruple the weight of a regular person and you haven’t eaten yourself into a power chair or hospital bed yet. And, deep down on some level, you love every last second of it.

So really, we may as well enjoy it while we can. One thing is true: you won’t be this size forever… not if I can help it, anyway.

#feeder fiction #gainerfiction #gaining #ssbhm #weight gain fiction #wg fiction #extreme weight gain #wg story #weight gain story #gainer stories

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audreydoeskaren · 3 years

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Have fashion trends been popularized or created by sex workers?

Hi, this is a great question but a very difficult one to answer because this happened way too often in Chinese fashion history but is also difficult to prove. I will list some instances of this from the Qing and 20th century that I came across in my readings. Sorry it took so long for me to answer, I tried to find as many examples as I could but it’s very hard :(

In my review for the costumes in The World of Suzie Wong, @d-m-a-c mentioned that the cheongsam in that movie were inspired by those worn by sex workers at the time. I wasn’t sure exactly how sex workers’ cheongsam stood out from average cheongsam, but I guess the popularity of that film and the costumes in it partially owe themselves to sex worker fashion.

Source here

There are a couple entries relating to fashion trends popularized by sex workers from the 1910s collection of Qing Dynasty accounts 清稗类钞 compiled by 徐珂 Xu Ke. This probably isn’t the most reliable source since it was written after the end of the Qing and frequently featured rumors and unverified stories, but I think it would be interesting to read. The translations are my own and not the most robust, just so that you understand the gist of the texts.

《沪妓之服饰》

同、光之交，上海青楼中人之衣饰，岁易新式，靓妆倩服，悉随时尚。而妓家花样翻新，或有半效粤妆者。出局时，怀中皆有极小银镜，观剧侑酒，随置座隅，修容饰貌，虽至醉，亦不云鬟斜軃宝髻半偏也。至光、宣间，则更奇诡万状，衣之长及腰而已。身若束薪，袖短露肘，盖欲以标新领异，取悦于狎客耳。而风尚所趋，良家妇女无不尤而效之，未几，且及于内地矣。

又有戴西式之猎帽，披西式之大衣者，皆泰西男子所服者也。徒步而行，杂稠人中，几不辨其为女矣。

Clothing of Shanghainese sex workers

In the transitional years between the Tongzhi (1861-75) and Guangxu (1875-1908) eras, fashion among the Shanghainese courtesans changed rapidly; all the beautiful clothes followed the latest trends. The prostitutes, on the other hand, came up with new modes or followed Cantonese fashion to a certain extent. During outings in the theater, they would hold these tiny glasses and wear heavy makeup. Even after drinking their hair wouldn’t become the least bit disheveled. In the Guangxu and Xuantong (1908-1912) eras their attires became more bizarre, with robes that reached just the waist. Their clothes were tight and the sleeves showed the elbows, using these strange trends to attract customers. Once the trends solidified, respectable women imitated them religiously; soon, the inland would follow suit.

There were also some who wore Western coats and hunting hats, dressed like French men. They walked by foot and mingled with the crowds, making it difficult to tell that they were women.

The phenomenon of sex workers wearing menswear is corroborated in another account from the same book.

《妓效男装》

光、宣间，沪上䘕衏中人竞效男装，且有翻穿干尖皮袍者。然《路史．后纪》云：「帝履癸伐蒙山，得妹嬉焉。一笑百媚，而色厉少融，反而男行，弁服带剑。」此女子男装之初祖也。

Prostitutes wearing men’s clothes

In the Guangxu and Xuantong eras, the sex workers of Shanghai often wore menswear, some even sporting fur trimmed coats (not sure what 干尖 describes). (A quote from an historical text I can’t understand) This was the origin of women wearing men’s clothes.

Some more about shoes:

《秦淮妓女之方头鞋》

乾隆末叶，秦淮妓院之衣裳妆束，以苏为式，而彩裾广袖，兼效维扬。惟用睡鞋者颇少，咸以素帛制为小袜，似膝袴而有底，上以锦带系之，能使双缠不露，且竟夕不松脱也。其履地用方头鞋，如童子履而无后跟，即古靸鞋遗制，今之拖鞋也。灯影下曳之以行，亦复彳亍有致。

Square toed shoes of Qinhuai prostitutes

At the end of the Qianlong era, brothels in the Qinhuai region (around Nanjing) followed Suzhou fashions, with colorful collar trims and wide sleeves. Sleeping slippers were seldom worn; instead, plain silk cloths were used to make socks that were shaped like breeches but closed at the bottom. Once tied with a ribbon at the top, they concealed the feet and wouldn’t loosen even in the evening. Their shoes were square toed and without heels like children’s shoes. A relic of historical flat pumps, worn as slippers nowadays.

《沪妓所著画屧》

同、光间，沪妓所著画屧，镂空其底，中作抽屉，杂以尘香，围以雕纹，和以兰麝，凌波微步，罗韈皆芳。或有置以金铃者，隔帘未至，清韵先闻。且又有曳男子履者，绣以蝴蝶，虽镂金错采，制作精工，而行步则绝无婀娜之致矣。

Painted shoes of Shanghai prostitutes

In the Tongzhi and Guangxu eras, the prostitutes of Shanghai wore painted shoes. The soles were hollow and contained drawers, which were carved and filled with aromas. Some attached bells, whose clangs were heard before the person was seen. Some wore men’s shoes and embroidered them with butterflies; although they were gilded and immaculately made, walking with them was not particularly elegant.

I have read some theories about how the 1910s and 20s 文明新装 aoqun was invented or at least popularized by sex workers pretending to be students, but I have no proof. Some people also say that cheongsam was invented by sex workers, which isn’t supported by real evidence and could potentially be a misunderstanding due to the many hyper sexualized versions of the cheongsam floating about nowadays. However I wouldn’t really be surprised if it were true, since sex workers were usually very innovative when it comes to fashion.

Source here

1916 photograph of girls in uniform, first from the right is Lin Huiyin icon and one of China’s first professionally trained architects. By the way I don’t know why idiots on the internet call this photo 1920s the clothes are so obviously 1910s.

Oh and I know of something that wasn’t popularized by the sex worker herself but rather the movie adaptation of her story. 小凤仙 Xiaofengxian was a prostitute in the 1910s who apparently helped one of her suitors, a famous general, escape Beijing, and the heavily embellished story was turned into a popular movie source material. In the 1953 movie adaptation of her story, the lead actress 李丽华 Li Lihua was given an updated, fashionable New Look version of the aoku (robe and pants) outfit Xiaofengxian wore in real life, and the style blew up overnight. Eventually it became so popular that some people mistake it for a traditional wedding ensemble, whereas in reality it was the 1950s take on a normal 1910s outfit worn by a prostitute...

Source here

Allegedly a photograph of Xiaofengxian from the 1910s.

Source here

Li Lihua as Xiaofengxian in the 1953 movie of the same name. You can see that the robe is a lot more tailored and hourglass than the 1910s original.

Source here

Taobao search result for “凤仙装” (Fengxian attire). A lot of things have changed in the popular perception... The pants became a skirt and the tall ingot collar is worn folded, but the namesake of this type of clothing is still a sex worker :3

I couldn’t find any more at the moment if anyone has more info please add to this post!

#historic fashion #chinese fashion #qing dynasty #republican era

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ricksroaches · 3 years

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Jungkook - Dysphoria ch. 1

pairing: Yoongi x Reader, OT7 x Reader (platonic)

summary: Jungkook, a burnt out gifted student, comes home from summer camp not ready to start his sophomore year of highschool, but his friends are there to help him feel better. Although not in the best of ways.

notes: This is a Euphoria-ish au but mostly it's just heavily inspired by the show (I use a few quotes), and each chapter is based on a character. There's a few parts where I cue a song title that's because I made a soundtrack to listen to while reading but I deleted it a while ago so :( if you feel like it listen to the ones I did write down. I'm apologizing now bc my writing can be a bit choppy/rushed its just cuz i have a more drabble-like style and don't know how to write between big scenes. THIS IS A DARK FIC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Hope you enjoy and sorry for this big ass paragraph.

word count: 3.9k

warnings: ass-load of angst, mental illness (depression, anxiety, bipolar, OCD, and probably more), drugs (all of them. just all of them), underage drinking, cursing, mentions of self-harm

Next chapter

[Slideshow - Labrinth]

When Jungkook was 5, he wanted to be an astronaut. He wanted to fly into the sky and zip around space exploring things never before seen. His little mind was so strong, wanting to learn anything and everything. When he first learned how to read, he would read every sign he passed in the car and play games with the letters he’d find. It wasn’t long before he was placed in advanced classes with kids he'd never seen before and for the first time in his academic career, he was challenged.

When Jungkook was 10, he wanted to be a doctor. He wanted to wear a white coat and glasses and race around a hospital busy saving lives everyday. He wanted people to look to him for advice and treat him with respect. He wanted to feel needed.

When Jungkook was 14, he wanted to be a paramedic. He didn’t think he’d be smart enough to become a doctor so an EMT would have to do. His classes had begun to pile up in work to the point where he didn’t have the time to think about anything but school. He ate, slept, and breathed homework, projects, and term papers.

When Jungkook was 16, all he wanted to do was graduate. He no longer had any desire to pursue his childhood dreams. When he was asked what he wanted to do when he was older, his mind was a void. He couldn’t see any future for himself past high school. He went day to day not bothering to care about what might happen the next day. He coasted through all of his classes and dropped out of the advanced programs that his parents put him in.

His potential was like a flame. It was small at first, but still had loads of potential, so more kindling was thrown on top. The flame received it well, quickly spreading over the new material. But they kept stacking kindling. Stacking and stacking and stacking putting more and more pressure until finally….the flame died. All because he liked to read.

[Forever - Labrinth]

The clouds inched across the sky and rows of crops and fencing whipped by the car window. A stark contrast between the two. Jungkook rested his head against the glass and watched as the car began to pass more and more houses. The familiar area told him he was almost home. He should’ve been glad, elated even. He would finally get to see his friends again, but after three weeks of summer school to catch up on the class he skipped last year he’d lost the ability to smile or show any form of positivity. To say he felt like a zombie would be an insulting understatement.

The car pulled into the ever so familiar driveway and the rest of his family piled out of the car. He didn’t move. He heaved a long, anguished sigh before snatching his duffel bag from the other seat and throwing open the door.

He was out the front door again before his mom could even ask him where he was going. Speeding his bike down the empty road that he’d ridden countless times before. He could make this route with his eyes closed. The house in question came into view and Jungkook pedaled harder to close the distance. He swung one leg to the opposite pedal and straddled it until he swerved to a stop in the driveway. The house was old, hadn’t been lived in for years, wasn’t on the market, yet wasn’t scheduled to be torn down. It was the perfect place for a group of teenagers to tear apart and put back together. Without knocking, he stepped inside and was hit with the welcoming scent of booze, pizza, and weed with notes of cigarettes and coffee. Music blasting from a distant room in the house led him to the living room where he counted one, two, three, four, five people sprawled about the room. Upon noticing him standing in the doorway, they jumped up and raced to pull him into the room.

“Kook! How you been man? How’d surviving summer school go?” Taehyung was Jungkook’s best friend and unsolicited wingman. He was always trying to set him up with girls so he could get his v card punched. Taehyung was ever the ladies man. Never had trouble finding a date or a hookup. No one could blame him though. If they had that flawless, arrogant face they’d use it too. Despite his fuckboy nature, he was the best friend Jungkook ever had. They’d gone to the same school since they were 7 and Taehyung’s untamable charisma sniffed out Jungkook’s shyness rather quickly. They were inseparable and the rest is history.

“Fine I guess.”

“Kookie, come sit down! I’ve been saving your spot on the couch for you!” Jimin pulled Jungkook to the left corner of the C shaped couch. Jimin was like Taehyung in the sense that he also had no issues with finding partners. He wasn’t near as promiscuous as Taehyung, but he made up for it with his bisexuality. He had an entire other gender to choose from. Jimin was probably the nicest of the group. He always gave the best hugs and was their personal therapist. His aura seemed to coax you into opening up to him even if you hadn’t originally planned on it. He had a way of saying all the right words to make you feel better, even if it was just for a moment. On the other side of him, he was the biggest party animal the group had ever seen. Anywhere else, he was the purest angel that everyone believed could do no wrong. But at a party? Park Jimin was a demon. Seductively dancing in a stylish jacket, pants low enough to show his v-line, sweaty hair flipped back pounding shot after shot until he was the last man standing. That guy could party from sun down to sun up like it was a baby shower.

“Did you at least learn anything you missed last year?” Namjoon. Ever the parent. He was surprisingly humble given his father’s status and money. He easily had the best grades among the friends. School always came easy to him, no matter what it was. However, if you saw him outside of school, you’d never be able to guess he was one of the school’s top students. He carried an energy with him that dared anyone to mess with him or his friends. Although you didn’t see it often, he could make himself scary if he wanted to. All in all, he’s just a gentle giant that made sure everyone turned in their work.

“Absolutely nothing. I don’t know why they keep wasting their time on me.” Jungkook sighed. Hoseok threw a pillow from across the couch, smacking him in the face.

“Yah! Don’t talk about yourself like that!” Hoseok was the human charger. It didn’t matter if someone’s mama died if Hoseok was in the room there would be shenanigans. He was always the one to make some crazy dare that would end up getting them in trouble but they wouldn’t be mad because it was totally worth it. He also had great music taste and almost always was on aux. Hoseok’s vice was coke. Often the driving force behind his hyper nature, it started out as just a thing he did at parties, but slowly creeped into his everyday habits. It hadn’t become a problem yet, he vowed that as soon as he started getting nosebleeds he’d stop, although Jungkook was wary of how difficult that was going to be.

“Where’s Y/N and Yoongi?” Jungkook asked after noticing their usual spots empty.

“They left to get food. They should be coming back soon.” Jin assured him, giving him a comical slap on the thigh. Jin was the eldest, but rarely acted like it. Whenever he wasn’t making stupid dad jokes or eating he spent his time at the classical theater where he worked and sometimes acted. He planned on pursuing acting given his “world wide handsome face.” “It just has to be seen! People around the world need to swoon at my beauty” as he would put it.

No one heard the front door open and shut or noticed Y/N and Yoongi standing in the doorway of the living room.

“Food’s here.” Yoongi finally croaked. Hoseok and Jin yelped and sprung up.

“JESUS! Ever heard of announcing yourselves?! I swear you guys are the exact same person!” Y/N just gave a shrug and plopped onto the large bean bag that she’d claimed.

“Hey, Kooker.” She dragged out.

“Hi Y/N..” His unusual bland reply didn’t go unnoticed by her, but she brushed it off.

“You ready to get shit faced?” A playful grin plastered her otherwise tranquil face. A small smile poked at Jungkooks pursed lips. There was something about her character that always put him in a better mood. She was the one who invited him and Tae into the friend group in the first place, and because of that, he couldn’t be more grateful.

Yoongi tossed him a beer can and his car keys. “Start us off Jungkook.” Yoongi was by far the most terrifying one. It took some time to get to know his true person but there were still times when he still scared the shit out of him. Jungkook remembered when he first met Yoongi. He looked like he’d served time with the seasoned look in his eye that said he’d seen some shit in his day. He hadn’t spoken the entire time the group was talking and Jungkook was beginning to worry that he didn’t like him. It wasn’t til he finally spoke that Jungkook could release the breath he was holding. For someone so stoic and cold looking, he never expected him to have such a low, soft voice. He realized, Yoongi wasn’t scary, he was just quiet like him.

Jungkook took the keys and poked a hole in the bottom of the can. He pressed his lips to it and pulled the tab, sending the amber liquor shooting down his throat. He finished it with ease and crushed the can in his palm while the room cheered and chanted.

The loud music, laughing, and drugs drowned out everything in the outside world. It felt like the world ended and they were the last people left on Earth. Nothing mattered but what was right in front of them. The hours flew by until it came time for everyone to crash. Most of them were still raging drunk or high which only made them fall asleep faster. Jungkook didn’t drink much and he barely smoked. He just couldn’t get in the right headspace to enjoy any of it. So there he was, laying awake among a pile of snoring boys at some ungodly hour of the night. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out to read the text in his notifications.

[We All Knew - Labrinth]

Y/N💜: come to my office

He shimmied out from under Taehyung and Jimin and tiptoed out of the room. He followed the smell of weed through the house because where there was weed, there was Y/N. He stepped into the backyard and found her leaning against the wall, blunt between her fingers. The tip of the dark stick swelled into a bright orange when she took a drag. Smoke rolling out of her nose, she held it out for him. He hesitated.

“You're upset. Take it.” Which was a dead-on observation for Y/N, who’s not normally revolving in the same direction as planet Earth. He hesitantly took a puff from it before handing it back. She spread her arms lazily and looked at him with a beckoning stare. He sighed and walked right into her arms that wrapped around his back. She was only older than him by a year, but her old soul and almost motherly demeanor made him look up to her like she was his idol. Sometimes, he forgot he was a whole head taller than her. “Welcome home, Kookie.”

Hers was the only welcome he got that day that brought a genuine smile to his face. She had a way of making him feel welcome and wanted even if she was in a bad mood. She broke the embrace and without a word headed to the old couch by the empty swimming pool. He eventually followed her and flopped down next to her. Another gush of smoke entered the chilly air and it was handed back to him. Feeling better, he took a healthy drag and sighed out the smoke as he sunk further into the couch.

“Was it that obvious?”

“Was what obvious?”

“Me being upset.”

“Not really.” She flicked the ash off the tip of the brown stick, her gaze not breaking from its spacey stare.

“Then how’d you know?”

“Pain recognizes pain.” Y/N wasn’t one for her genius epiphanies, given that nine times out of ten on any given day she was stoned out of her mind. She wasn’t dumb, god no. He wouldn’t doubt that she was smarter than him, but she rarely exercised her ability. As great of a gift that her mind was, it was an even worse curse. An inescapable tomb of her worst fears, thoughts, and intentions, with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. So naturally, she tried anything and everything to silence her mind; alcohol, weed, acid, coke, molly, you name it, she’s done it.

Jungkook wasn’t angry or disappointed by the lengths she went. He knew she was just trying to feel better, and to him, that’s all that mattered. He’d take high Y/N over no Y/N at all.

“Y/N?”

“Yep.” There was a silence while he worked up the nerve to speak.

“How…uh….how long have you felt…the way you feel?” She chuckled and let her head fall back against the couch.

“Well I smoked a blunt with Yoongi in the car this morning and then-”

“No, I mean like…w-without drugs.” Her lazy smile didn’t change, but her eyes unfocused and she grew quiet as if lost in a flashback.

“How long do you think I’ve felt this way?” He didn’t anticipate this question.

“Uh…I don’t know…you hide it really well.”

“I couldn’t tell you when it started. I don’t remember much before 7. I’m told I was a happy kid, but it didn’t feel like it at all. All my life I’ve looked around and seen that everyone was so much happier than me, and I’d ask myself, ‘Why can’t I feel like that?’ It wasn’t until I was older that I learned…I was born to suffer. That’s just my place in the world.”

“When did you finally tell anyone?”

“I didn’t. My parents found my razors.” Jungkook always thought he saw scars on her arms and legs, but her milky skin made it hard to tell. It hurt his heart to know that it was true, and that every one of those once caused her pain. The image of her forearms and thighs slick with her blood brewed tears in his eyes.

“They determined they didn’t have the knowledge to help me, so they asked me to take a tour of this mental hospital and think about their suggestion….” She paused to keep her voice from cracking. “I didn’t make it home that day. Never really forgave them after that.”

There was a long silence after that. Jungkook didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. Besides, he knew she hated condolences. “What made you start using drugs?” She took a drag of the blunt and thought about it.

“I was 13.” Really? “I found my brothers stash of weed in one of his shoes. I already knew what weed was and what it was used for, so I took about a gram and a rolling paper and taught myself how to roll a joint on my bathroom floor. I was shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds but when that joint hit, I thought…” She tilted her head to peak at him with an epiphanic smile, “This is it…This is the feeling that I’ve been waiting to feel my entire life. I thought I was sure to get caught and sent to juvie, but I wasn’t. The world went on, and I found a way to live. Now could my lifestyle kill me? Will it kill me? Yeah probably I don’t know, but at least I could’ve had a few years where I wasn’t begging the universe to put me out of my misery.” She paused to take another hit. “People often ask me, ‘Y/N why don’t you try therapy? Drugs aren’t the answer.’ Yeah well, drugs work. Therapy’s a guessing game; you never know if it’s gonna actually help or not and end up wasting your time and money. But when I take that hit, that line, that tab, the world starts to slow…and everything goes quiet…and I feel safe. In my own head. And I can see the world in color again.”

Jungkook watched her blissful face while she was lost in thought. She must’ve been pretty high because this is the most personal she’d ever gotten with him or possibly anyone that wasn’t Yoongi. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“W-what if I don’t feel what everyone else feels either..?” He pinched the skin between his fingers to keep his tears at bay, a nervous habit he’d picked up from her. She reached over and took his hand in hers, the webbing between her fingers had white and pink stripes from years of fingernails digging into the flesh.

“Jungkook,” she didn’t use his nickname, “I know how hard it was for you to say that. I want you to know how much I appreciate you telling me, because if anyone knows how you feel, it’s me. You can talk to me whenever, wherever. Even when you think it’s a bad time it’s not, because nothing in that moment is more important to me than you. I don’t want you to go through the same thing I did, so please, even if you don’t want to talk, maybe I can at least keep you company.”

For the rest of the night, Jungkook told her everything. About the pressure, the stress, the desire to collapse and let the world go on without him, his inability to see a future where he was fulfilled. The words often caught in his throat, having never said them out loud before. Y/N didn’t say much, she just wrapped them in a blanket and stroked his hair while she just let him talk. Sometimes, he’d have to stop to cry and she’d hold him a little tighter, wipe his tears away with her thumbs, and wait til he was ready again.

Eventually, he had nothing else to say, his tears dried, and his body stilled.

Babies didn’t sleep that good.

Y/N nodded off a little later but was woken up by a raccoon tipping a trash can. She rested her cheek on his head and tried to go back to sleep, but it never came. She just continued to rest her eyes while playing with Jungkook’s hair and tracing lines along his features.

She didn’t know how long she laid there but soon the birds began their routine morning songs and she was sure she wouldn’t get back to sleep now. The faint tap of shoes on the concrete perked her ears, but she kept her eyes closed. The footsteps stopped behind the couch where she sat. It was quiet before the person chuckled quietly. A warm hand smoothed back the hair in her face and a little kiss was planted on her forehead. She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face.

“Yoongi, I’m awake you creep.” She cracked her eyes open to see her boyfriend laid over the back of the couch hovering above her, his dark hair tickling her nose. He smirked.

“Well in that case,” he grabbed her chin and tilted her head up before capturing her lips in a playful kiss. When they parted, he glanced down at Jungkooks still sleeping figure. “You guys stay out here all night?”

“Yeah,” she looked down at him and smoothed his hair back, “he just had a few things to get off his chest.” Yoongi almost asked what it was about but her face gave him an idea.

“It’s cold, you want me to take him inside?”

“It won’t wake him up will it?”

“If he’s as out as as he looks, he won’t.” She nodded and Yoongi circled around and slipped his hands under the sleeping boy’s body. Much to Y/N’s pleasant surprise, he lifted him bridal style with ease and she followed him into the house where he placed him next to the other slumbering boys.

When he straightened back up he saw her in the sliding glass door, gazing at the now dusty blue sky. She could feel his body heat on her back against the nippy outside air.

“I always loved the time just before dawn.”

“Why is that?” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his cheek to hers.

“It’s so calm and peaceful. And incredibly quiet besides the birds. It’s the only time I feel truly left alone.”

“You want me to show you my favorite time of day?” She turned to him with a curious look. “Follow me.” Not long after, the two were perched on the flat portion of the roof with Yoongi’s bong sitting between them. His angular fingers effortlessly packed the bowl and held it out to her. “All yours.” She took it with a smile.

“What a gentleman~”

Soon, the sky went from a pale blue to pastel shades of orange and pink. He looked over to see her fiddling with a thread on his hoodie she was wearing. “This,” he took her jaw and guided her eyes up for her to see the sunrise, “is my favorite time of day.”

“Why?”

“It gives me hope. Kinda like you.” He was glad she didn’t say anything. She was lost in the color palette of the scene before her, the weed making everything so much more vibrant and striking. He could see the sky reflected in her eyes, making the view ten times better. More time went by and she rested her head on his broad shoulder while they watched the rest of the sunrise.

Back on the ground, Yoongi cleared the bowl and poured out the bong water before setting it on a table by the couch. Y/N was on her back in the center of the empty pool, slowly tearing a leaf above her face and analyzing how it separated cell by cell. He stood on the edge above and watched her do this another four times much to his amusement. “You wanna get breakfast?”

She was out of the pool and in his face before he could finish his sentence. “Like you have to ask.” He chuckled and rolled his eyes before turning and walking to his car. “Hey, Yoongi.”

He turned back.

“Carry me to the car like Jungkook.” He broke into a smirk and walked back to her.

“Yes ma’am.” She let out a yelp when he scooped her off her feet and marched the two of them to his car waiting on the street.

Cover photo: @BIGHITTED on Twitter

#bts #bts fanfic #bts x reader #fanfic #yoongi #yoongi x reader #ot7 x reader #bts fic #yoongi fic #bts angst

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decodingellipses · 3 years

Text

Alexis Nikole, The TikTok Forager

This piece is part of the Person of Interest vertical at @bonappetit

Alexis Nikole considers her TikTok fame a fortuitous accident. She knew nothing about the platform until she started an account for her day job as a social media manager. But when the 28-year-old from Columbus, Ohio, began experimenting on her personal page during the pandemic, she got more than she bargained for. Specifically: over 600,000 enthusiastic followers and 10.3 million likes.

Since April of last year, Nikole’s now viral account has been showcasing her immeasurable knowledge of foraging and cooking with wild plants: a sorbet made out of Japanese knotweed (Reynoutria japonica), hairy bittercress (Cardamine hirsuta) turned into lush salads, and common dandelions (Taraxacum officinale) battered and fried like fritters. She studied environmental science and theater at Ohio State University, and often combines her two passions on the platform—where you’ll find her singing original songs about cattails and sassafras.

By sharing excellent foraging tips laced with undiluted humor, Nikole’s intentions were for people to take agency over their meals and make the most of foods that were free and readily available all around; especially after COVID-19 hit American shores and shopping was anxiety inducing. During the early months of the pandemic, Nikole’s TikToks focused on how foraged goods could extend groceries and increase access to fresh ingredients, especially for those living in food deserts. This is precisely why Nikole’s videos are so grounding; in these times, it’s crucial to feel some sense of self-sufficiency and stability.

Amid global adversity, Nikole forages because it reminds her that she’s human—and humans, at their very core, are part of the ecosystem, no matter how much we distance ourselves from that truth. I called up Nikole to learn more about her foraging background, how she practices gratitude for what is all around, and why the world needs more hyper-localized food systems.

Foraging makes me feel I am a part of something bigger… and that feeling is really good at chasing the depression away. Typically I go out between two to five times a week on average. In the dead of winter, I might only go once, and during the dog days of summer, I’m in the woods and nearby parks every single day. I’ll jam to ’80s funk the entire walk to the creek, but the earbuds go away when I get there. I want to hear everything—the crunching leaves under my feet, the babbling brook, and people conversing and laughing in the distance.

I used to dream of being a pop star… by night and a scientist by day. I’ve been surrounded by music for a long time. I was three when I joined the childrens’ choir at my dad’s Baptist church, I started classical piano at age five, I was in choir every year through junior high and high school, I performed a cappella in high school, and was on the e-board of ukulele club in college. I was never a prodigy, but music brings me so much joy, so I love being able to sneak that into my TikTok videos.

The best meal I’ve made using a foraged ingredient is probably… chicken-of-the-woods mushroom (Laetiporus sulphureus) “crab cakes” and an American sea rocket (Cakile edentula) and steamed beach pea (Lathyrus japonicus) salad tossed in olive oil infused with goldenrod (Solidago). Very gourmet!

My curiosity for the outdoors… was nurtured from a very young age by my parents. My two sets of grandparents knew that scouting was good for building connections and recognized the importance of getting outside, and thus got my parents into it early. My mom scouted longer than my dad did and went to sleepaway camp in New Hampshire in the summertime. Eventually, while working at Procter & Gamble, she gardened on the weekends to decompress. I would help her, spreading mulch or digging into the earth with a tiny trowel while she quizzed me on the plants. Unbeknownst to my mom, I was picking up a lot of information. From there it grew into a love of all things growing plants outdoors.

You don't have to go full forager… to reduce your environmental impact. Over the past few decades society has trended away from a localized food system, toward a global one. On the upside, it’s much easier to find ingredients like star anise at the grocery store. However, access to tomatoes year-round means they’ve got a higher carbon footprint because they traveled thousands of miles to get to your plate. Even shopping at your local farmstand helps with lowering your carbon footprint; it’s also a little easier than identifying a plant and bringing it home to eat.

Everyone was afraid of going to the grocery store… when I started my TikTok foraging videos in April 2020. So I thought: Hey! Here are a few plants that are really common and probably growing in your neighborhood that you can gather, and maybe that’ll stretch your groceries a bit.

Poor and POC communities are hit hardest… when major disasters hit. We saw the same thing playing out in Texas with the massive winter storm. So I offer my knowledge to help someone who needs to get some fresh food on their plate.

As a Black, queer female forager on the internet… I’m not the person people expect to see excited about foraging, the outdoors, biology, botany, and history. I have delightful forager friends who are white, and I notice they don’t get questioned nearly as much as I do. That’s heartbreaking. When my dad learned that my account becoming viral also meant me becoming susceptible to online harassment, he got angry and told me, “I’ve been alive for 65 years. It doesn’t feel good that you’re still called into question because of who you are.”

Though, it all feels worth it when… a follower sends me a thank-you message saying, “Because of you, while I was out walking I recognized this plant and it made me feel like my neighborhood was a cooler and happier place.” To be less unacquainted with plants or more connected to surroundings because of me is a huge win. We take better care of the things we know.

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blueymoons · 3 years

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ADHD Brain Dump

Since my post the other day, asking for help with female experiences after being diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood...I've had so many people I don't know reach out to me and I really just want to say...Thank you. So much.

I posted the same message, exactly, on my FB...asking my female FB friends to reach out either in the post or privately and I had a few...but not nearly as many as I had here.

And let me just say...it's weirdly more reassuring to hear from people I've never met that it's okay to be afraid of the medication, but that medication is meant to help me. So many of you have addressed my addiction fears, sharing information your therapists have told you and things you've learned and it's given me a ton of things to add to my list of questions to ask.

I feel so much more prepared and ready for this.

I'm not as scared and I certainly feel less alone.

On a separate note...I think I'm realizing that my main superpower (I'm choosing to claim this as a superpower because for fucks sake...I've built my life from the insanity of this and I function really freaking well despite it) is hyperfixation. The more I learn about this concept (is that the right word?) the more I realize it's shaded my ENTIRE life.

Every movie I've ever watched and loved, I usually watch over and over for the first few days and weeks of owning it. The first movie I remember doing this with was The Little Mermaid. I saw it in theaters when I was 6 years old and when we got it on VHS tape (yes I'm that old...sorry y'all) I watched it every single day for a month.

Pride and Prejudice 2005 (The Hand Flex™ version) is my go to movie when I'm sad or upset or sick. And I will go through periods of time when I will watch it every day.

When I find a new show or book series that speaks to me (Doctor Who, Ted Lasso, Harry Potter, The Cormoran Strike series..etc) I dive into the fandom for that piece of media FULL FORCE and then wallow in it. So much so that I persuade everyone around me to get into it with me and then I get my feelings hurt when they don't love it the way I do.

I hyper fixate on music too and this is really hard for me because I FEEL music with every emotion in my body. I could have whole conversations with songs. You know how a lot of people have synesthesia (not sure I spelled that right) where they can taste words and names, or see colors for words and people's names...I feel people in music. Most everyone I know has a song assigned to them in my mind. One I associate with them, that when I hear it, I think of them, even though we may have never listened to it or talked to each other about it before. But something about that song makes me feel a certain way and I associate the way I feel in that moment to a person and then the song becomes associated to them. (Is this normal though? I don't feel like it is...but no one has ever understood it when I talk to them about it and they all just look at me like I'm super weird)

So it's been really wild learning about ADHD this past week and being able to see where it may have shaped my life and who I am. And I won't lie...There's a part of me that LOVES hyper fixating on things because I feel such comfort from them. I don't want to lose that comfort because the medicine makes me stop hyper fixating...

So...if y'all wouldn't mind answering more questions...Have you found that your medication dulls these things for you? Are you like me and learned to comfort yourself with one of your "superpowers" and then you lost that power with the medicine? Or did you keep it? Did it change in some way?

And again...thank y'all so much for being so lovely to a complete stranger on the internet. It means more than I'd ever be capable of communicating...even though clearly I like to use my words. (Sorry about the length of this y'all...but probable ADHD brain got me like...)

In the words of my current obsession, Ted Lasso...

I appreciate you.

#adhd #does bluey have adhd?#adhd problems #adhd brain #hyper fixation #adhd questions #blues queue

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veethewriter · 3 years

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Hi!! My pronouns are she/her and I’d like a MHA and Haikyuu matchup!! I’m 18. I am ENFJ, (but sometimes enfp). I’m outgoing and generally nice to everyone, but I have a very sassy, goofy personality. Naturally flirty and very affectionate, and my love language is physical touch. I have my moments when I get shy and anxious, especially around someone I really have a crush on(although I try not to show it).Yet at the same time I’m the person always trying to hug and cuddle my friends even after roasting them. My favorite colors are blue, red, purple and pink. I love some teasing. I’m passionate about acting and singing. I love to listen to all kinds of music. I’m African American. I have long curly blackish hair and I’m 5’1. I’m a Gemini Sun, Cancer Rising and Gemini Moon. I am a caring and adaptable person, and like to make people happy I always finding a way to slip a stupid joke in🙄( joking is my coping mechanism) . My favorite food is tacos. I like someone that I can relate to. I don’t have a specific type, but I do like someone with goals and passion. I like someone I can laugh with and also have real conversations with. I’m so into the romantic lovey-dovey stuff, yet sometimes I act like a little boy💀. I can be loud asf, even just when normally talking cause I usually have a lot of energy. As far as style goes, it varies from 12 year old boy with some joggers and a t-shirt wayyyy too big for me , to like a 90s baddie with some hoops on, to girly with skirts, sweaters and some knee high socks. As far as accomplishments go, I’ve won state in theater and continue to pursue film acting. It’s something I’m very passionate about and want to pursue as a career. Some flaws of mine are overthinking and my anxiety. I am a driven person with lots of goals and making them happen but,My anxiety can get kinda bad, i get all shaky and I care a lot about what people think of me (although I try to deny it). I’ll kinds just shut down and get uncharacteristically quiet. But im like scary good at hiding it, since I’m such an extroverted person..and I don’t like feeling like a burden...you have to be good at paying attention to detail, or I’ve gotta be comfortable to enough to confess whats really going on in my head. So I’ll need someone who can bring me back to earth every now and then. But it’s getting better with time and I’m trying to stress myself out less. When I’m out I’ve got such a big personality and I’m making dumb jokes and dancing, but when I get home I’m just chilling and watching anime. (Although I will dance and make jokes if I feel like it). I tend to hyper fixate on things I like and talk a lot about them. And I’m a night owl! I hope that this wasn’t too specific! And Please stay healthy and hydrated :) -🤩💖

Of course!! Tho it might be a little shorter than usual only because I just woke up, sorry! For mha I ship you with mirio!!

You and Mirio meet one day while he was out getting food with Eri, they were standing in a line for and Eri was asking about the different types of food. Mirio answered most of her questions but there was a few desserts there that he didn't know, that's when you stepped in a different answered the question. Eri thanked you when Mirio looked at you to also thank you, he was awestruck but he quickly thanked you and asked you for you name.

You gave him your name and the two of you talked while waiting in line until you both did your orders (Eri still with you two of course). When you asked to hang out, he apologize and said he was watching eri today but asked if he could have your number to tell you when he could hang out next time. From there whenever he wasn't watching eri he would hang out with you. You and mirio will hang out and watch your favorite shows together, after a few weeks this mirio started to fall for you and eventually asked you out.

For your first date mirio took you to see Hamilton in person (sorry if you don't like that one, you can just put a different one if you want). Mirio has plenty of experience dealing with anxiety so he has no problem helping you out when you need it. Mirio loves giving you affection and helping you with whatever you need, he'll make sure that you don't feel like a burden because to him you'll never be one. Mirio loves your personality and how passionate you are about the things you love to do. Mirio may be funny and goofy sometimes but will be serious when needed.

For haikyuu I ship you with kuroo!!

You and kuroo meet outside of school at the park, kuroo was practicing with kenma while you were sitting on the bench going through some of your school stuff. Kenma accidentally made the ball to far and it landed near you, kuroo goes to grab the ball when you grab it and hand it to him. He smirks and thanks you before starting to talk to you, kenma reminds him that they have to go soon. He hands you his number and winks before leaving with kenma.

Kuroo ends up calling you a few days later asking to hang out (something about you made him interested). You and kuroo started to hang out with each other often, he fell for you. When he did confess it was at the park you guys meet at and he had set up a picnic for you two. Kuroo helps with your anxiety however he can and tries to help you with whatever you need. Kuroo loves it when you dance because he thinks it shows that your happy with him and comfortable.

Kuroo will set up a movie night for the both of you sometimes whenever you two haven't seen each other for a while. He loves to cuddle you while you two watch your favorite shows together. Kuroo may be a pervert sometimes but he knows to shop if you get uncomfortable. He show he's affection to you through physical affection but will stop if you tell him to.

Sorry this was short and probably wasn't my best writing, I still am sick but I tried my best I hope you like it.

#mha x reader #mha matchups #mha #mha mirio #mirio togata #mirio x reader #short fiction #mha fanfiction #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu!!#haikyuu fanfic rec #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo x reader #kuroo fluff

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