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sparklingchim · 2 years

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long way home 24 | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

word count: 2.7k

genre: dilf jungkook, angst, friends to lovers

rating: pg

warnings: sleepy nabi on an adventure w uncle joonie 💅🏼, jaykay going thru the 5 stages of grief, soft nabi x jungkook moments <3

summary: the one where jungkook regrets everything.

a/n: nabi is honestly a mood in this one 🫂

chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08| 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |

masterlist | long way home masterlist

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

Jungkook has never felt his mind inundated with so many emotions, feelings and an unbearable tide of conflicting thoughts.

What did he do? Why did he do it? At some point in his life, the truth would have come out anyway, so better now than when it's far too late.

At least that's what Jungkook keeps repeating in his head like a mantra to calm his anxiously beating heart, which was foolish enough to be carried away by the blow-up of emotions that hurled out of Jungkook.

He didn't mean to say it. It slipped out. He had no control over it. Not the slightest. It was as if his body forced him to say it.

But what Jungkook had control over was how he handled the situation after the three unlucky words slipped out.

You didn't believe him. And instead of going along with your assumption, he continued to allow his heart to pour out all the secret truths and details about his love for you that he had holed up in the deepest recesses of himself.

He revealed to you his most vulnerable secrets, which he has been hiding for years. And you didn't even bat an eyelid when you told him to leave.

Jungkook is frustrated. Sad. Angry. Disappointed.

There is only one place he wants to be right now.

Jungkook turns the key in the lock and enters the large room. He switches on the light. It's already shortly after closing time.

It is always an odd sight when the boxing training centre is empty, but at this moment Jungkook has never been happier not to have members of the training centre around him He welcomes the silence and emptiness.

Moments like these are rare. Jungkook's shoulders sag and a long exhale passes his lips. He cherishes the quietude. He tries to relax and sort out the chaos of thoughts in his head, but it doesn't work.

He needs to do something to take his mind off things.

Jungkook snatches a pair of boxing gloves. He skips preparing his hands with handwraps – it's contradicts a bit what he advises and teaches the members of the boxing gym, but Jungkook couldn’t care less about injured knuckles and aching hands. He wants to feel pain. He is bearing too much of it in him already – Jungkook needs to let it out.

Before putting on the gloves, Jungkook pulls his sweater off from his body and tosses it somewhere behind him. Then, with the boxing gloves around his hands, he begins to pour out all the bitter feelings that scurry around his body like an annoying insect.

The punching bag lurches with every punch that Jungkook strikes at it. The deep frustration fuels his consuming emotions, but the longer he stands there and hits the bag, the easier it is for Jungkook to breathe clear his mind.

Having boxing as an outlet for Jungkook’s feelings has helped him a lot in his life. Whenever he doesn't know what the next step should be, whether he has made the right decision or is unsure about his future – his legs bring him here. Lately not so often and only during his shifts when he works here because he has to take care of Nabi at home. Jungkook owns a punching bag at home, but with a baby who is almost always napping, it's impossible to work out at home.

The anger is pouring out of him like lava. It's the bajillionth time he watches his reflection perform in the mirrored wall and wonders if the man looking back at him will ever be good enough. It's the fear that maybe he never will be.

Jungkook’s hands are in flames. With every punch they ignite further – like a magnet they absorb all the seething glints and hurl them into the world.

Jungkook can’t stop thinking about that he has lost you. That he destroyed the last remnants of the friendship that was only hanging by a loose thread between the two of you.

When Jungkook drove to you, he didn't know what to expect. But he didn't imagine that the situation could get any worse than it already was.

He just wanted you back in his life again. Jungkook didn't want to lose you forever.

The last dazzle of hope has thus been extinguished.

Maybe it was Jungkook’s fault – why was he harbouring hope when is love was already, assuredly, doomed for? Why did he try to convince himself that there was faith? He only brought disaster upon himself.

His furious blows slow down, the punches are weak and without any determination. Jungkook lets his head hang, his forehead touches the punching bag and he closes his eyes. He’s tired. Exhausted.

Jungkook feels beads of sweat running down his face and neck. He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing there, but he has completely wore himself out.

“Jungkook?”

Jungkook flinches. He turns around with wide eyes.

Namjoon stands there. Nabi pressed against his chest, his arm securely around her, keys dangling in his other hand. A confused expression contorts his features. “What the hell are you doing here?” His eyes wander down to Jungkook’s bare chest.

“What are you doing here?” Jungkook retorts. He tears open the velcro of the boxing gloves with his mouth. His knuckles are a bit scuffed and burn but he couldn’t care less. “With my baby?” At the sound of Jungkook’s voice Nabi’s tiny legs start kicking against Namjoon’s tummy and she tries to turn her head around.

“I asked first.” Namjoon gives Nabi a helping hand, so she can look at Jungkook.

Jungkook drops the gloves to the ground. “I’m just letting off steam.” He levels Namjoon with a prompting glance and strides towards Nabi’s grabby hands.

“We’re on a little adventure.” Namjoon laughs uncomfortably as Jungkook takes Nabi in his arms.

“Couldn’t do that before her bedtime?” Jungkook alertly observes Nabi. She’s searching for something to grasp because Jungkook isn’t wearing anything on top. Her little hand settles on his shoulder and closes her fist tightly around his skin.

Nabi is watching him with teary eyes and small sniffles coming from her nose. Jungkook’s eyebrows draw together in pity. “You’re so sleepy, aren’t you?” Jungkook mutters. “Namjoon, why are you dragging my baby around town when she should be sleeping? I told you to take good care of her.” Jungkook narrows his eyes at him.

“In my defence, Nabi was sleeping the entire time till we came here. She only woke up when I carried her up here." He has a nervous glint shimmering in his eyes.

“You just woke up from your sleep?” Jungkook eyes trace down to Nabi again. No wonder she is all sulky. “My poor baby,” Jungkook coos, pushing back Nabi’s soft strands of hair from her face. Her lips are twisted into the tiniest pout. Forcing his attention back to Namjoon, he asks again, “Why are you here?”

“I forgot my phone somewhere here,” Namjoon answers. “At least I hope so.” He takes a swift look around. “I think I left it in the office. Or the changing rooms?” Namjoon walks closer towards Jungkook. “But before I go looking for it,” – he picks up the boxing gloves – “We’re gonna talk about why you have to break into the boxing centre to let off steam.” He points the gloves accusingly in Jungkook's direction.

“I just needed a place where I could get rid of pent-up energy.”

“And you really hade to break in here for that?”

“I didn’t break in,” Jungkook grumps. “I have keys.”

“What got you throwing a tantrum like five-year-old?” A subtle smirk curls Namjoon’s lips and Jungkook briefly considers introducing him to his fist.

Jungkook dabs his neck with his hand to get rid of the sweat. He could beat around the bush, lie or not answer at all, but he decides that maybe he could use a friend to talk to right now.

“I confessed to y/n that I love her and she told me to leave”

“You said what?”

“She made me leave right after.”

“You confessed?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook’s tongue pokes his cheek. “And I regret it.”

“But – but that’s amazing! That you confessed, I mean.” Namjoon’s previous taunting smirk grows to a genuine smile.

Jungkook is stumped. “Are you not listening to me? She kicked me out. Right after my confession.”

“I’m just glad that one of you finally had the guts to say it.”

Jungkook pushes his sweaty hair from his forehead. “Namjoon,” he says. “She doesn’t have feelings for me.” He pauses, cocks his head. “How did you know I loved her?”

Namjoon emits a humorous laugh. “You think I’m blind?” When Jungkook doesn’t reply he adds, “Everyone knows, Jungkook. It’s obvious to everyone but you and y/n.”

While carefully trying to lift his jumper off the floor without disturbing Nabi, Jungkook pauses. “I’ve never told you about my feelings for y/n.”

Namjoon shrugs. “You didn’t have to.” He puts the boxing gloves away and offers his hands to Jungkook. Jungkook slowly transfers Nabi into his arms. She fusses, eyes filling with tears.

“Shh, I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere,” Jungkook soothes her.

Nabi's whimpering abates and she watches him pull his pullover over his head. “It doesn’t matter, Namjoon,” Jungkook takes up the conversation again. “She doesn’t reciprocate my feelings.”

“Tell me what happened. You just told her that you love her?”

“I visited her. We talked. I apologised. And then…” Jungkook’s teeth play with his lip piercing. “Somehow I let slip that I love her.” He feels his tummy churn with discomfort. Maybe it was a mistake to open up to Namjoon.

“How did the conversation go?”

“Okay? I guess. We kinda argued at the end. And right after I confessed.”

“You confessed while you two were arguing?” Namjoon's mouth parts in disbelief. “How did you think she was going to react?” Namjoon shakes his head. "All those years of friendship with her and you decide that was the right moment to tell her?"

“I didn’t mean to say it,” Jungkook defends himself. “It just happened.”

“Give her some time,” Namjoon says. “It was probably a lot to take for her.”

“Maybe she was confused,” Jungkook agrees. “But it still doesn’t change the fact that she doesn’t love me. She could’ve said something, Namjoon. Anything. I was pouring out my feelings in front of her. I’ve never been this honest about my feelings and she just- “ Jungkook closes his eyes. He’s getting angry again. “And she just tells me to leave?” Jungkook walks towards a supply cabinet where they store bottles of water. “Y/n gave up on me, on our friendship a long time ago.”

Namjoon slowly follows him. Nabi feel asleep in the midst of it all and he doesn’t want her to wake up again. "Don’t say that.”

Jungkook pushes the cabinet’s door shut. “She didn’t want to talk for nearly three weeks.” He flicks the lid off the bottle. “She is done with me.” Jungkook tips his head back and chugs the water.

That's what he was afraid of. That you wouldn’t give him another chance. That you listen to his apologies and explanations and still decide that you don’t want him in your life anymore. And that’s exactly what happened.

Jungkook believes that dreams coming true is a hoax created by adults to entertain the children's imagination, because so far Jungkook has experienced nothing but tales of misfortune.

Maybe he was just born unlucky.

“Y/n is better off without me, though,” Jungkook concludes his spiraling thoughts. “I know she is.”

Namjoon stares at him with a deep look. “Jungkook,” he calls. He sounds defeated.

Jungkook doesn’t look at him. “Just this once, I go against what my insecurities are telling me and I fuck up. Again.” A maelstrom of annoyance at naively reckoning his insecurities as trivial stirs up within him. What was he thinking? “And I’m really fucking trying my hardest to please everyone, but so far all I’ve only hurt people, and it’s exhausting to keep everything under control when I have so much going on.” Jungkook rubs his hand over his face. “I don’t want to feel anything anymore.”

Sometimes, at rare occasions like these, when Jungkook becomes a concept of his emotional situation, he wishes for a moment to feel purely nothing at all – just a split second of serenity, that’s what he wants. Just once he wants to know how it feels not to have to carry a load on his shoulders.

He longs for the inconspicuous, yet fundamental feeling that comes shortly afterwards when you have overcome all obstacles and arrive at your destination. It’s just that Jungkook runs and runs but despite every hurdle he goes through, he doesn’t get there. And he has the fear that he will never get to experience that feeling.

Life falls apart and you try to get a grip on it, but then you realise you have nothing to hold it together.

“I know that you’re trying your best. I’m proud of you for facing what you’re going through.”

Jungkook raises his eyes at Namjoon’s words. “I don’t know what to do anymore.” He closes the bottle cap with a drained sigh.

“You did everything you could do,” Namjoon answers. “I think you need to give yourself a break. A lot has happened lately and I think it would be best for you to take things a little easier. Things that are meant to happen, will happen. Don't stress yourself over these things." He pats Jungkook’s shoulder. “You can call anytime. I’ll babysit Nabi if you want.” Namjoon eyes are downcast as a smile naturally spreads across his face at the sight of Nabi sleeping peacefully within his hold. “Or we’ll reschedule your shifts, whatever you need.”

Jungkook nods absentmindedly. “Thanks, Namjoon.”

“Daaa,” Nabi whines in a squeak.

Namjoon winces a little at the unexpected loud noise coming from the tiny girl in his embrace.

Jungkook arms intuitively reach for Nabi. Her tiny hand makes a fist around the fabric of Jungkook’s pullover.

“Shh, I’m right here, baby,” he coos, gently rocking her in his arms. With her big eyes she’s staring up at him, a few displeased gurgles bubbling from her. “I know you’re tired.” Jungkook gingerly swipes the pad of his thumb over Nabi’s soft cheek. “Namjoon uncle must’ve forgotten that your bedtime started 2 hours ago.” Jungkook shoots a scowl his way. The soft smile on Namjoon's face as he watched Jungkook being so gentle with Nabi fades.

Namjoon grimaces apologetically. “I’ll quickly search my phone and then we can leave, yeah?” He dashes down the corridor and disappears into another room.

Jungkook looks down at Nabi in his grasp. Her eyelids are heavy from lack of sleep, but her lower lip is still quivering in grumpiness. “It’s okay little butterfly. We’ll be home soon.”

He walks around and rocks Nabi to get her to sleep again.

Jungkook and Nabi are on their own again.

Maybe they are meant to be like this – at least that’s how it all began.

When Sora announced that she was leaving again, Jungkook react much. He wasn’t surprised. It made him realise, that in the back of his mind he always had a suspicion that she might leave Nabi. He ignored it, after all she was the one who wanted to try again. And Jungkook wanted to believe that she came back with good intentions, that she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. For Nabi’s sake. But he was proved wrong.

The past days had been difficult. He had to come accustomed to being alone with Nabi again. Sora hadn't been with them for a long time, but having someone to rely on as a constant in life was a great help, and now that she's gone, it has shaken Jungkook’s routine up.

But he’ll make this work. He’ll figure it out. Somehow. Jungkook always finds a way.

He would do anything to give his baby a happy life. No doubt.

Jungkook bends down and tenderly pecks Nabi’s forehead.

“You’ll never leave me, right?”

#dilf jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook scenario #jungkook imagine #bts angst #bts fanfic #jungkook f2l

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delulupost · 11 months

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From Being Betrayed To Being The Betrayer

Part 2: The Painful Truth

"I'm not the Villian. You shouldn't have treated me as one"

-TF 141 x Reader

Part 1

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

The tv switched on and shows you the painful truth. It's shows you the recording of Ghost, Soap, Gaz, and Price discussing and assuming that you're actually the spy. You watch the recording as your eyes start to well up.

"This is the truth that I meant," the man speaks to you without a single emotion shown at his face. "Why you're showing me this recording? Why? If you got this video, that means the spy is still in the task force. They got the chance to sneak up into the meeting room and set up a hidden camera in it," you narrow your eyes to him.

"That doesn't important," he smile mischievously. "The main thing here is that your friends actually send you to here because they know that this is a suicide mission and they think you're the traitor. They wanted to kill you. They didn't care if you come back dead or alive. They didn't trust you but you trust them with all of your heart. How does that make you feel, hm?" He looks at you emotionless as the video on the tv plays over and over again.

You heart ache as you watch the video again and again. And then you start to get flashback about when you're with them. The whole task force member don't actually trust you at all. They just playing along, planing to kill you. You cry as you let those thoughts sink into your mind. The man infront of you just look at you while you're crying.

But then you stop crying as you feel a sparkle of anger ignite your heart. It ignites your heart into flames. Your anger start to take control over your body, and now you can't even think straight anymore. The only thing that can you think now is getting a REVENGE. Your eyes are full of anger as you watch the videos again and again.

The man infront of you stand up and walk towards you. He takes out a small knife from his pocket and cut the rope that tied around your body. "You want to take revenge? I can help you with that," he extends his hand towards you for a handshake. "The name's Mathias, and I'll help you to get revenge if you join me," he looks at you with hope that you will join him

You reach out his hand and give him a firm handshake. "Call me y/n," you give your name to him as you look at him with anger in your eyes. Mathias just look and smiles at you knowing that he has a new ally.

You walk up to the tv as it still plays the video again and again. The fire of anger engulf your heart as you know that the task force want you to die and they didn't trust you a bit but you trust them with your heart. The only thing that came across your mind is letting them what you feel, which is the feeling of being betrayed. You only feel anger, sadness, disappointed, and the only thing that can wash the feeling away is by getting a REVENGE.

#i wrote this instead of sleeping #call of duty #cod mw2 #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #soap x reader #gaz x reader #john price x reader #x reader #x you #tf 141 #ghost x you #simon riley x you #soap x you #gaz x you #price x you

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pattycakes5516 · 2 months

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Random Suguru Smut One Shot

Reader discovers their switch trait-Dominant Reader

“Baby…” His low voice had an unfamiliar whine to it, “Look at me.” You scoff and walk away. Heading to the small bar near the kitchen. You hear him follow on your heels. You watch him reach out but pull away, cautiously.

You grab a glass and the clink of the ice was the only sound heard. The tension was heavy throughout the room. You grab the bottle of whiskey and pour. Taking your time you lift the drink to your lips and sigh.

“Please…” The begging man was now lowering himself to you. His large frame is less intimidating as he kneels. “It’s not what you think.”

“Suguru…” You glare down at him, authority clear in your tone. Those dark eyes lower, a pretty pout on his lips. “You know I always take your shit. I never get mad or upset. Let me be upset.”

He nods solemnly and you lift his chin with your finger, your manicured nail digging into his flesh just a bit. He hisses and his jaw clenches. “Yes baby… But…”

You squeeze and he winces. “What Suguru? What the hell kind of excuse do I get now?” You lean down your lips inches from his. “You reek of alcohol and forget about our plans.” You take a longer sip shaking your head in disappointment.

Suguru doesn’t speak again, letting you scowl at him. You let out an exasperated groan and release your hold. “I always have to look for the redeemable qualities in everyone I meet!” You cackle and finish off your drink, you slam the glass back down on the bar.

“Did you have a good time?” You ask, crossing your arms. Suguru lets out a breath he was holding. “We’ll speak…” You order frustration building.

“No, it was business related. You know how Satoru is.” Suguru says this time taking hold of your wrist. “He doesn’t know how to not mix business and casual. I should have warned you.”

You roll your eyes. “I sat at the restaurant for over an hour. I texted and called but it went straight to voicemail. Maybe if this was the first time but Suguru it’s not.” Your voice does shake a bit as your emotions begin to surface. You yank back your arm from his grip.

“I know… fuck baby I know…” Suguru looks defeated. But you refuse to give him any reprieve. You were back to refusing to speak and you could tell it was killing him. “Just smack me… I deserve it…” You clench your fist tightly, you feel anger bubbling to the surface. “I’ll take any punishment.”

You glare into those dark eyes seething, the soft vulnerability in his gaze was hard to ignore. The soft sad expression was so desperate for forgiveness. Your anger sizzled out but another dark impulse replaced it.

“You want me to punish you…” You say a sadistic smirk spread across your face. Your hand wraps around his throat and his eyes widen. “Put your hands on the ground, all fours like the dog you are.” You whisper harshly and feel him swallow, a soft whimper escapes his lips.

Your stomach flutters at the image before you as he crawls to the position requested. This man who was always so confident and arrogant now looks up at you waiting for your command. Willing to do anything for your forgiveness. Groveling at your feet. He was the one always in control but look at him right now. Something clicks in your brain, like a switch.

“Please…” he pleads and you frown. You step on his fingers and he practically snarls. He does not get defensive, he merely looks at you, what an expression it was. You see his brow scrunches in pain but he licks his bottom lip seductively. “I’ll do anything. You can do anything. Just don’t leave…”

You tilt your body forward grabbing a fistful of long black hair and pull his head back. Suguru groans, his eyes rolling back. “How pathetic…” You watch as a dark look shadows his features but he bites his cheek to cause it to disappear. “You should make yourself useful. Prove to me why I shouldn’t walk out that door right now.”

“What do I need to do… I’ll do it.” Suguru says without any regret. You stand up straight and look down at him with a sneer.

“Stay.” You order as you walk towards the dining room table. You move the chair away and casually jump up on the table's surface. You glance over, still on all fours he waits for your next command. Your stomach flutters at the sight. “Crawl to me then. Tell me you're sorry like you mean it.”

Those dark eyes lower, he looks a bit too pleased as he tries not to smile. He crawls over trying his best to conceal his excitement. As he reaches you, there is no way to avoid seeing his imprint struggling against his dress pants. You lift your foot and add pressure to the bulge, the groan that escapes his lips is heavenly.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I am a horrible boyfriend. The worst. You deserve better….” He begins speaking, his low voice tinged with emotion. “I take you for granted.” You nod along and he lets out a breath. “But when we are together. You are my calm. You are my peace. You make getting up in the morning worth it.”

“How sweet…” you mutter with an eye roll. “Then why do you keep me waiting? Why am I always the one to worry? What if I stayed out late and returned home smelling like a brewery. Then my excuse is the meeting ran late. What images pop into that little brain of yours?”

His gaze darkens and you get a glimpse of his possessive streak. You laugh knowing exactly what he was thinking. “Do you imagine another man… hmm maybe Gojo… he is pretty…” You know you were being cruel by the way he clenches his jaw.

“I’d fucking kill him…” Suguru growls unprompted and you slap him across the face. He looks up at you surprised. You were always so gentle and took him so well, so obedient. He practically bites his tongue to keep his instinct to stand up, pin you down, and kiss you breathless. Touch you so that you admit your his.

“That’s your bestie though. How could you say such a thing?” You say in mock shock, you enjoy him fighting so hard against himself. “I forget why I put up with you. Why don’t you remind me?” You remove your skirt and panties kicking them to the side, he watches them fall to the ground. Then you spread your legs as he turns back to face you. “Show me what you're good for…”

You watch as his anger quickly fizzles to hunger. He slowly moves forward, pausing to lean back. You watch as he takes off the ponytail holder he always wears as a bracelet. You suck on your lower lip, always enjoying the moment where his large arms raise to pull his long black hair into a half bun. Those dark eyes never leave your own.

Your body no matter what you two were doing would react to the image, instantly reminiscing the memories you had when you were alone.

“So pretty…” You coo, seeing him now moving to kneel again between your legs. You pat his head affectionately, you could tell he was itching to devour you whole but his expression softens. He looks up at you almost lovesick. You lift your thighs to rest on his broad shoulders.

“Make me cum and I’ll think about forgiving you.” You whisper aggressively. You did not realize how turned on you would be being the one ordering Suguru around. The sound of your arousal when his thumb slowly begins to circle your clit was clear proof.

“So wet already…” Suguru groans, shoving his long finger inside, gliding against your slick walls. Slowly thrusting a few times, you bite your cheek attempting to keep your moans at bay. A deep groan manages to escape as he removes his fingers completely with a grin. You watch as he sucks your juices from the digits.

“Fuck… your practically gushing for me already…” His deep voice suddenly became a bit too confident again. You squeeze his neck with your large thighs and he looks at you mischievously.

“Stop fucking teasing me. Use your damn tongue and make me cum asshole.” You hiss with a cold glare and you feel him swallow.

“Yes ma’am…” He mutters, his dark eyes now lowing. He licks his canine and takes hold of your hips, pulling you forward. Without any more hesitation, you feel him begin to suck your clit greedily. Your back arching at the sweet pleasure.

His tongue now moves in persistent circles and you grab onto his arm, nails digging into the flesh. You let out a shaky breath, still holding back your cries, stubbornly. You hear him chuckle as his tongue drags across your folds.

You scowl and fight the slow haze of your mind. Your fingers grip roughly into his hair and your thighs tighten around him even more. You ride his tongue almost angrily, fueled by his laughter. You hear him gasp for air but a sexy whimper is heard right after.

He meets your pace and you finally moan loudly as his tongue is buried in your cunt. You feel his body tense up and muscles strain as he thrust with your movements. “That’s it… mmm…” You grind against his face lost in the sensation.

“You’re so good at this… being a filthy whore for me.” You shout your head falling back as you feel yourself reaching your peak. Suguru groans against you and the vibration is enough to send your mind into a blank state. He struggles a bit to reach up and stimulate your clit with the vice grip around his neck. You feel him rutting his own hips against nothing. Your legs begin to quiver and you cry out, “cumming… that’s a good boy…”

Your legs fall limp and you call out his name as he laps up the mix of your cum and slick. When you glance down he looks so possessed, his cheeks flushed as he pants for breath. Those dark pupils dilated with pure lust. “Give me another sweetheart…” He growls and you push him away, your foot on his chest. “Please…” Suguru begs, a cute pout on his lips.

“I’m satisfied.” You sit up and stretch your body, you feel his gaze take it in. “Finish yourself off. Sleep on the couch.” You say hopping down from the table. You know if he joined you in bed you would give onto his pleas.

“Baby…” Suguru calls out again and takes hold of your wrist. You glare back at him and he looks away. “Okay…” He says and you turn back. You cup his face and kiss him sweetly. You watch as his hand twitches craving to grab onto you.

“Night Suguru.” You whisper against his lips and he sighs.

“Tell me you still love me… at least give me that…” Suguru looks a bit defeated and you kiss him again.

“I love you very much. No one else has even ever crossed my mind.” You say gently and he gives you a bright smile nodding.

#getou suguru x reader #smut #spicy fic #jjk fanfic #jjk x y/n #rough smut #fanfiction #oneshot #geto suguru #suguru geto smut

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lilac-hecox · 9 months

Note

the forbidden love prompt list is so good!

I'd genuinly love if you'd write smth for any of them! 💖

However, I'm particularly interested in

“if you don’t love, prove it to me. prove me that you’ve never felt something towards me. look at me.”

OH THIS IS VERY IANTHONY, ANON.

"What?" Ian asks, his heart beating too quickly in his chest.

"I don't want to say it again," Anthony says firmly, shaking his head. He won't even fucking look at Ian right now.

"No, I need you to say it again."

Anthony sighs hard through his nose, he's irritated, both of them hurting, their defenses going up to protect themselves. Ian knew it was coming, could feel it for months now, Anthony's unhappiness following him around like a shadow. He knows what Anthony said, but he can't spare either of them the pain of making the other man say it again.

"I'm leaving Smosh, Ian."

Ian closes his eyes, his mind reeling, jumping from utter disappointment, to sadness, to fear. What is he supposed to do now? What is he supposed to say? His eyes are still closed, but he can feel the weight of Anthony looking at him, waiting for something.

"Okay," Ian says.

"That's it?" Anthony says, "You're not even going to ask me to change my mind?" his voice is a mixture of hurt and annoyed.

Ian opens his eyes and shrugs, his chest hurting.

"Would it change your mind, Anthony?"

Now Anthony looks away, his mouth a deep set frown.

"So, there isn't really anything left to-" Ian begins, but then Anthony is cutting him off.

"Come with me."

"What?" Ian asks, not truly believing that he heard Anthony right.

Anthony, in one singular moment, switches from anger to something else, something foreign to Ian. There is a vulnerability in his eyes as he reaches out and wraps his long fingers around Ian's wrist.

"Come with me, Ian." It sounds like a plea.

Ian is almost tempted. Anthony's fingers are warm on his skin and his eyes are big, brown, holding a desperation to them. Ian is quiet a moment before he looks down at his shoes.

"I can't."

Anthony's touch is gone.

"Why?" the question is neutral, no real emotion behind it.

"If we both leave...what happens to Smosh? What happens to our co-workers?"

Anthony rolls his eyes, "Ian, who gives a shit what happens? This isn't our Smosh. This isn't even close to what we made! Let's fucking forget this crap and start over again, just you and me, you know, like it used to be?" Anthony starts strong, but by the end of his sentence his words are whisper soft, painful to Ian's heart.

He wants to. He'd give Anthony just about anything, but he can't leave Smosh. He can't leave the familiar for the unknown, even if it is for Anthony.

Anthony takes his silence for the answer that it is and he sighs again, like he's tired, like he's disappointed. For as long as Ian has known him, Anthony, when his back is against the wall, is not above playing dirty and this instance is no different. His eyes flick to Ian's face.

"If you fucking loved me at all, you'd leave with me."

Emotions as a weapon, cutting Ian where it hurt the most. Ian knows Anthony is waiting for a response, for anything. He shakes his head, feeling sick to his stomach.

"You don't love me?" Anthony questions, pain in his voice.

Ian hates this. He fucking hates this. Ian watches Anthony's fingers curl into fists at his side. He's not sure what he's expecting.

"Of course you don't...or you're a coward, both are likely outcomes."

Ian frowns, "Anthony, I just-"

“If you don’t love me, prove it to me. Prove to me that you’ve never felt something towards me." Anthony's hand finds Ian's jaw, tilting his face so their eyes meet, "look at me.”

Ian does. He stares Anthony down. The room is too quiet and all Ian can hear is Anthony's harsh breathing and the rapid beat of his own heart against his chest. He doesn't know how they got here? How did they get so far away from each other that Anthony doesn't even know how much Ian does love him? How much he fucking cares.

Ian is stubborn. Ian doesn't like to back down from a challenge, especially from Anthony.

Ian moves forward quickly and in one fluid movement he is pressing his lips to Anthony's. It is something that feels innocent, reminds him of high school in a way, even though he and Anthony had never kissed until well into their adulthood, and never outside of a sketch.

For a moment Anthony doesn't respond, just the warm press of lips against lips, but then his hand comes up, fisting in Ian's jacket. Ian expects to get pushed away, but instead he is drawn closer, Anthony's other hand finding the back of his head.

Ian gasps in surprise and then the kiss is deepening, he feels Anthony's tongue in his mouth. Ian's own shaking hands find Anthony's shoulders, hanging on for dear life.

There's really no thoughts, no questions, just the wet slide of their mouths as Anthony backs them up until Ian feels himself bump the wall, feels Anthony's warm body pressed flush against his own. He moans into the kiss and the hand in his jacket tugs him even closer if at all possible.

Their kiss breaks so the two of them can catch their breaths. Ian's head is tipped back against the wall as he stares at the ceiling, wondering what the fuck just happened. He feels Anthony press a damp kiss to the column of his throat and Ian can't hold back the small needy noise that leaves him.

Anthony's hands make a beeline for Ian's belt, set on undoing it, but Ian panics. Ian's senses smack into him like a hard wave, crashing thoughts and reality back into his mind.

"Wai-Wait," Ian says, Anthony's hands stilling as their eyes meet.

Ian's never seen Anthony's eyes look so dark, so hungry. Anthony's panting a little, cheeks pink.

"What?" Anthony asks, voice rough.

"I...fuck, Anthony, I do love you but..."

Anthony's hands fall away from Ian's belt. He takes a step back so their eyes can meet, but Ian doesn't miss the disappointment that lingers there.

"But?" Anthony inquires, the hurt in his voice clear as day.

"But that doesn't change anything," Ian says, letting the pain wash over him. It isn't what he wants, but it is the right thing to do. He's wanted to kiss Anthony for as long as he can remember, the idea a secret, lingering daydream in the back of his head. He wants Anthony, but Ian is a realist, and he knows in his heart that neither of them are going to budge on this issue, despite their kiss. "I still can't leave Smosh."

Whatever vulnerability that Anthony had let seep through, whatever magic spell had come over them to allow their kiss, to allow the more primal desires to take over, it's gone. Ian can practically see the moment that Anthony's walls go up, sky high, higher than ever before.

"And I'm still leaving," Anthony says, his voice cold.

Ian nods, knows this, knows it as much as he knows Anthony.

Ian licks his lips, can still taste Anthony lingering there.

"Okay, we'll uh...we'll figure out what to say...what to tell the cast and, um, Defy, and the fans...we'll figure it out."

"Yeah," Anthony says, not meeting Ian's eyes.

#ianthony #forbidden love prompts #angst #☀️🔍

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cartoonfangirl1218 · 1 year

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More hcs cuz it’s my blog and I have a terrible memory of what I have or have not posted.

Specific nightmares that the couples comfort each other

Elena's worst reoccurring nightmare is that she is stuck in the amulet. Only the amulet doesn't belong to anyone, it's just a ancient artifact buried in the dirt so it's very unlikely that she will be released again any time soon. And in the amulet she experienced the same claustrophobia and isolation as before only with a clear image of Shuriki killing everyone she loves. Over and over and over. Mateo's worst would be probably related to his dad or grandfather and failing. His worst would be like a vital moment in battle where he is supposed to do a spell and he just freezes, or messes up. Causing the battle to be lost and everyone dies, Avalor is brought to ruin and magic is banned once more. The guilt and shame eats him up as he thinks of all those who trusted him and believed in him, like Rafa and Alcazar and most of all, Elena and he failed them. Or alternatively his over-ambition causes the same results.

Gabe's worst reoccurring nightmare would probably just him as captain leading his troops into a massacre. Simply having his friends and comrades dying is enough but being the one who made the decision that led to it..worse. Probably just to rub it in would be the familiar disappointed look in Roberto's eyes and then Blanca turning away from him too. For once not on his side. Isabel's is very similar to Elena in that she is just stuck in an endless loop of seeing her parents death only it's worse. Since she didn't get to witness it, her imagination takes it to all the worse routes Shuriki could have done. Then always ending with an heart pounding chase where Shuriki is close to her heels, always closer and cornering her.

Naomi's worst nightmare would have to be something like being ignored and cast aside while someone who is more qualified and royal than her takes her place as Elena's friend, and in the council. But the kicker would be that she is speaking but no one is listening, it's like she's invisible.

Esteban's worst nightmare is depending on the big secret reveal. Pre-secret revel would be the family finding out about his secret and since we already discussed, their painful reactions of sadness, anger, confusion and betrayal at his treason. Compounded by the rest of Avalor shunning him. Pre/Post-secret reveal would be just the memory of him hiding like a coward as Shuriki invaded the palace, killing his aunt and uncle. Doña's worst nightmare is being poor again. Alone and slowly painfully starving to death.

Favorite game Eleteo: A kiss off! No no I'm joking. Maybe tag or hide and seek. But no, not just any. But a magical version where they use their skills in order to find each other. There is also a lot of running and flying around as the two try to escape each other's grasp and tease the other. Of course, the winner gets a kiss and whatever they want but the chase is just part of the fun. Gabenaomi: Olaball. Those two would have a blast running around trying to get each other's goal and showing off their sweet moves. Of course, it also involves a lot of tackling, shoving and joking around and the winner gets to choose the date or the number of goals is the number of kisses the winner gets. Estenaomi: Charades surprisingly. They are very good at deciphering what the other is attempting to say. Like Naomi's odd looking "dance" is her playing Pete with an eyepatch and a monkey. Gababel: Board games of any sort. Usually scrabble or some sort of monopoly that they switch off for more romantic questions or prizes. Estoma: Pool. It can get pretty intense what with their need to destroy each other. It can also be pretty hilarious when they have a "no holds barred" competitions and try all manners of distractions and cheating so they can win

Who curses when they argue? Eleteo: Neither. They very much prefer actually talking out their problems than yelling and screaming in anger at each other sinc that is counterproductive. Also I can't see Mateo having a cursing bone in his body and Elena wouldn't use that kind of harsh language to someone she loves. Gabenaomi: Naomi. Blame the sailor's tongue but she can start cursing up a storm. And though Gabe tries not to do it in a girl's presence (yes, Mama Blanca drilled it in) he would start too. Gababel: Again neither. For the same reasons as Eleteo.

Who wears the other clothes sometimes? Eleteo: Elena sometimes wears Mateo's oversized shirts on a lazy Sunday morning without shame and sometime teasing that she should just wear it to her meetings. She also puts on wizards robes (Yes yes yes basically it's your fic. You are totally right in that Elena would put on Mateo's wizard robe. It's just so comfy and warm and smells just like him.) I couldn't resist. Gabenaomi: They don't really do that. Although Naomi has nabbed Gabe's guard jacket once or twice on a cold winter night at sea. As well as shirt:) She says he has to practice his ability to withstand cold temperatures but Gabe thinks it more has to do with his gazing at his pecs. Gababel: Neither would. Just the size difference between them, it's ridiculous to try. Although Gabe's shirts make nice nightgowns lol Estebaomi: A few times, Esteban has tried Naomi's clothes on account of her dares much to Naomi's personal amusement. Naomi does the same and dresses in Esteban’s fancy suits and shirts. Usually for fun. Estoma: Very rarely, though once Esteban went out in Doña's robe which he staunchly insists was a traditional Satu kimono.

Who gives piggybacks rides? Eleteo: Mateo tries to give Elena some but upper muscular strength isn't one of his fortes. Besides doing it with magic isn't the same. Sometimes Elena gives him some and there is just a lot of awkward fumbling, falling and laughter. Gabenaomi: Uh Gabe duh! Oftentimes Naomi will come running and hop on Gabe's back when he least expects it and then insists on a piggyback ride to whatever destination. Or joke that he is like her own Fuego. Gababel: Gabe again, but he is the one who usually offers to ride her around and makes it a fun bumpy galloping ride. Estenaomi: Both. Naomi more often that not thanks to Esteban’s drama king ways on hiking trips or when he is sick.

Who arranges for a day off Eleteo: Elena arranges for special days off from work in the kingdom and work for the wizard so they could spend time together. Usually the dates vary between exploring the kingdom more, horse/Jaquin riding, swimming, picnics on the palace grounds, a day at the fireplace, fancy dinner and waltz. As long as they are together, they're happy. Elena is usually bounding with more enthusiasm and happiness than usual and Mateo just adores her smile. Gabenaomi: Naomi does with some help from Elena to get Gabe away from Captain work, and they spend the day doing whatever comes to mind first. They tend to be more spontaneous in that sense. Gababal: Once more, Isabel does since she can easily figure out a break in her schedule and see abiut guard duty. They spend more time at home, sometimes with one of their families just enjoying each other's companies and talking about their day. Also the occasional exploring. Who takes the covers? Eleteo: Covers? What covers? They go on body warmth alone. Lol. I don't think either would since it's more of a cocoon they wrapped themselves in but I'm going to go with Mateo. I feel like Elenais just more of a body person while Mateo can sleep with tons and tons of soft blankets and it reminds him of his wizard robes so it is extra comfy. Gabenaomi: Naomi, she gets easily cold at night and likes to bundle herself up with all the covers. Gabe tries to shrug off, that he is too macho to get cold but sometimes he tries to tearing them away from Naomi's iron grip when she's sleeping and that almost made her fall off. Estenaomi: Esteban!! The guy is a Duke, he is used to being a hundred percent comfortable. Forbid that he gets cold at night, it is the one thing he won't relent. He takes the covers he wants. Naomi usually wrangles it away but then she has to endure his complaints of how cold he is and equals it by lots of kisses. Gababel: Isabel take the covers. Moreover Gabe would gladly give it to her she use gets grabby when she's asleep so it doesn't matter if he gives it beforehand, she gets more and they end up hugging a lot. Most interesting date? Eleteo: This is hard since I bet Eleteo had a lot of interesting dates but I'm going to go with the one where it was after they were married and just had Julian. They decided to take a night off to themselves and relax with a simple dinner. But Julian wouldn't stop crying unless he was in his mother's arms so they decided to take him to the restaurant. But they couldn't just leave Ana and Bianaca alone so they came with. It was a bit harder to have any flirtations when there are two toddlers around. Not to mention how Bianca wanted to look at all the pretty decorations and Ana wanted to hold baby Julian. So the night wasn't what they expected but it just reminded them how lucky they were to be having such a family, and how adorable it was to see the other parent. Gabenaomi: It would have to be the time they almost lost the boat. They had went to the island from The Gecko's Tale but the rope snapped leading their boat out to the water. So they took a row boat and rowed to it until Gabe jumped out to garb the rope himself so Naomi followed and the two tried to figure how to pull it in since it was rather large. They managed to do it, and spent the rest of the date resting on the beach with a firm eye of the boat and talking about all the other things that could have happened like the return of Chiloya among others. Estoma: They decided to pretend to be strangers meeting at a bar and get to know each other all over again. At first it was awkward with some patrons staring, and doing their best not to reference any past event or figuring if they were meeting as themselves or their teen selves. A few drinks in, the two forgot all that and tried to be themselves. It spiraled on to dancing in clubs, Esteban re-enacting some of his youthful adventures and the Royal treasury, she taught him to ride bareback and the next morning they had to explain why a majority of food was found staining the guest bedrooms.

Who feeds the other? Eleteo: Both. Elena starts it at first in the beginning stages of the relationship since she is much more impulsive and Mateo is still very self conscious and aware of how it may appear to others. But then of course, he starts doing it too. Anything for his lady love. Gabenaomi: Gabe feeds Naomi after giving up trying to stop her from stealing pieces of food. Naomi secretly thinks it's cheesy but she loves it. Gababel: Gabe again. He loves Isabel. He would do anything and that means pulling all the stops and being a totally inner romantic just as Blanca encouraged. Estenaomi: At first, Naomi does it as joke usually mixing in purpose to make fun of Esteban’s pampered upbringing. Then attentive, changed man Esteban would do it similar to Gabe.

Who plays footsie? Eleteo: Elena!! Elena, Elena, Elena. She can't help herself. She loves to show any kind of affection to her boyfriend/husband and will mischevious do it under the table if need be. Estenaomi: Esteban, he is such a flirt and knowing him, he woudkd do it when he gets bored at meetings. Or sometimes he would do it just to get Naomi distracted. Gababel: Isabel. She's like her sister in being more public about her affection. Just because he has a reputation as captain of the guard doesn't me she particularly cares. Gabenaomi: Naomi to Gabe. Similar to Isabel, she doesn't care that Gabe has a reputation to live up to and just wants to be with her man. Also she's mischevious in that sense too. What kind of couple class would they do together? Eleteo: I feel like cooking (??) Totally unimaginative but there is a certain domesticity with cooking. It's a nice break from their crazy, magical work a day lives. Plus it gives plenty of opportunities for food fights, finger licking and food sharing. Gabenaomi: Mountain climbing. Can that be a couple class? I feel like it would be a good couple class for them. Working out, adventuring and sharing trust at the highest height possible. Estenaomi: A dance class of some sort. If it was a modern AU, probably hip hop. Delivering every move with grace, style and a hint of the heat between them. Gababel: Yoga. It combines the use of Gabe's muscular strength and always being there to lift up and catch Isabel while Isabel calculates the bets way to get into position without straining any muscles.

Estoma: Pool. They get extremely competitive trying to distract each other. Who slips innuendos? Eleteo: Elena. Because she can and she doesn't mince words when it comes to how much she loves her husband in every sense. Usually when she's bored or in a particularly flirty mood. Mateo does too but he'd rather do that in the privacy of his room. Gabenaomi: Naomi. She had heard quiet a few from days in sailor bars and often conveys them to Gabe especially after he comes from home after battle or on their dates. Gababel: Neither really. If it does happen it would be accidental or out of context. But I can't really see it happening. Estebaomi: Is this a question, Esteban. Only he would think his are incredible witty and charming and sexy. Not the result all the time but when it falls flat Naomi just laughs and shakes her head at his attempts.

#elena of avalor #eleteo #gabenaomi #estenaomi #estoma #gababel #my hcs #my headcanons

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alyjojo · 1 year

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The Person On Your Mind in May 🎢 2023 - Sagittarius

Whole of their energy towards Sagittarius: 4 Pentacles

This is a very loving relationship, probably with a current partner. Or a very close family member. They love you deeply and see you as the whole package in their life, there’s no worries about that. They are aggravated with you though, either they think you’re overly stubborn or they are, and they’re pretty pissed off at some point this month, but it should be something that blows over.

Feelings: The World

You two have been through a very difficult situation, or have gone through one recently, it’s taken a lot of Strength to get where you are. It’s something that’s caused sadness, disappointment, something has been lost, there’s possible regret involved, and it’s taken a very long time to get to the end of this cycle the two of you have gone through.

Intentions: Queen of Swords rev

This can be saying they intend to not speak, but so many cards can mean that…this Queen in rev is scary, pissed off, and she’s definitely got something to say about it. Her words cut like, well Swords. She intends to jump your case in regards to pleasures, spending money on “wants” vs “needs”, that type of argument. Pleasing yourself. With this energy, either they’re seeing you as a cheapskate or that’s their own energy, you also could be needing to save for something and they’re ready to knock your block off over it, because you’re not. I don’t get anything being toxic or heavily dramatic. Could be residual sadness, grief, disappointment - from some other thing spilling into their anger at you over some minor thing with money. Explosion 🤯

Actions: 9 Wands rev

They’re not actually going to bite your head off, they’re going to give up. They seem to not be able to tell left from right, either they’re really busy or you are, it’s an energy of “I don’t even want to deal with this right now.” I’m not getting this spat is an important one, or a life changing one, you’re just getting under each other’s skin based on…minor stuff. Or maybe not minor, but they’re trying to choose their battles rather than popping off about everything. I don’t think they’ll actually say anything, but if you see them prickling up like a porcupine, maybe do something sweet you normally wouldn’t. Take a hint. Slight nudges towards them letting the small things slide so you two can just enjoy your 10 Cups.

Messages:

Their side:

- Kind 😊

- I’m happy where I am

Your side:

- I like to cuddle 🤗

- I love our walks together.

Possible signs:

Pisces, Capricorn & Leo

If you’re dealing with:

3 Wands & The Hanged Man…you’re in pause. Some of your people have difficult, stressful, upset energies, and I’m not sure how much of a role you’re playing in that. You seem to be in the role of an observer this month, and everyone’s situation is different. If you’re involved at all, it’s probably for moral support. There doesn’t seem to be much you can do. You’re waiting for things to change with other people outside of yourself.

Aries - isn’t talking about their work or something they’ve been working on, because something isn’t working and they don’t know what they want to do about it yet

Taurus - either you’re venting to them or they’re doing this with you

Gemini - a very painful ending, possible betrayal, it could be you or you’re supporting them because they’re going through it

Cancer - cut you off because you’re a lying manipulator, or that’s switched, ghosting 👻

Leo - moving away from any drama with you because they love you and want to focus on happier things, a good relationship with them

Virgo - has no idea what’s even going on with you but would love some clarity about it

Libra - had to leave because you were being shady & lying or that’s switched

Scorpio - doesn’t know if they want to work together with you, but isn’t opposed to it

Sagittarius - a passionate & inspired new beginning that you’re both optimistic and hopeful about, could be something good ❤️

Capricorn - regretting something they’ve said or done, this could be about money or work

Aquarius - has some very difficult energy or is dealing with a hard situation, either at work or in the family, could be relating to illness, some could just need a break or a vacation

Pisces - being patient & balanced in regards to new opportunities, work, money, everything seems to be working out for them with time

#sagittarius tarot reading #person on your mind #may 2023 #Sagittarius #tarot #free reading #tarotblr

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letters-for-rei · 17 days

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Just got off of work. The rain is especially cold tonight. Today feels like how I've felt for some time - I went out to be productive and only ended up making enough to pay for going out to be productive in the first place. My windshield wipers won't stay attatched for more than 10 minutes. My engine sputters when I put my foot on the pedal. My tags are several months expired. Everything is a hot fucking mess.

Wishing for you to be honest with me for so long turned out to be another double-edged sword. I wish I could just call and catch up and talk for a while, but... neither of us are ready for anything like that, and won't be for a long time. Especially me. I fear the anger, the frustration, the cross in your voice that I know I have earned and yet shrink at the thought of. I don't wish you weren't upset - I just wish I weren't so inconceivably terrified of the disappointment you feel of me.

I've realised a few more things about myself. Whenever I don't have complete confidence in something I said, I sorta mouth it back to myself when they can't see, like I'm second guessing how I said it and what I said and why I said it. It's a tic, that I know for sure, but it's one I've been quite insecure about for some time. I just didn't notice how prevalent it was until today.

Another thing I've noticed is that the itch in the bathroom incident may have traumatized me a little bit. I can hardly step into my bathroom without thinking about it. The itch spreading across my body, scratching it until my skin burned, screaming uncontrollably from the pain. Begging you for help and constantly saying I was sorry as I sobbed and yelped and itched and panicked. I don't think I'll ever get it out of my head.

I crunched some numbers on that computer last night. I actually only started the build on the 15th of March, when the case arrived. It feels like it's been a lot longer, but I guess it hasn't. In the less than a month since, I've sunk over 500$ of my own personal work/savings money into it. I think the only money of yours I used was to help with the motherboard. I was really hoping that we could both use it jointly someday. I don't think I'm going to look at it for a long while.

I hope things are going well at the apartment. Me and my mother are considering putting in hardwood floors in my room in the basement before I move back in. She was really sad when I told her that we were through. You would not believe how fond of you she was.

I finally got Mario Kart 8 on the Switch. I am still the goat that I thought I was at Mario Kart. I will beat you several times over if you want to test that theory.

I think I'm going to sell the Cutlass. I simply do not have the time or money to keep working on it right now. I night just tuck it away at my moms until I can, but... I just don't see it being a feasible thing for me right now. It hurts to think about.

I'm going to make myself a can of soup and a drink and I'm going to watch youtube for the rest of the night. Let me know if there's anything you want me to expand on or clarify or whatever. I should stop adding that at the end of every message, because you know already. Be safe, be kind, be strong. Have a good day at work tomorrow.

- Jack.

04/11/2024

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adam-brooks · 6 months

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I expected to be destroyed by disappointment. Or cry over the frustration of it all. Because I do that. But I'm mostly just...I guess I accept it. The things I was called. The animosity.

Heh...I suppose I should have expected it really. Very few people understand it. I barely understand it. The only thing I understand is the retarded response I get from it. Where it comes from and why.

I dunno. Fuck me, I'm an asshole. My issues are bizarre and stupid, and I'm trapped by many of them. Though I've overcome many of them, too. I can't lose sight of that. It's no small thing to claw yourself out of your own grave and force yourself to walk. I have to maintain that momentum and never forget where I came from.

Then why is it all so sad? A person brings about expectations, the expectations you build for them especially, and when those expectations are shattered its jarring. You've misread something. You missed SOMETHING. Or maybe the package was just too pretty, and your fool eyes refused to see. Maybe it was you all along. MAYBE you're just too much for some people. Specially if you require such a gentle hand and patience beyond imagining. If you're too fragile.

You meaning me, of course.

I can take a hit like I'm being paid for it, but kick me in the feels...well. I wax prose and whine like a child. It's a gift, really.

But you do so love my writing, don't you. You meaning you...of course.

Siigh..I can't see your messages anymore because I restricted them and removed them entirely. I can't bear it, really. Your anger. Or pain. Or whatever you want to call it, if it's even anything. I'm not so arrogant to think I could illicit much, now. I know that switch that turns everything off. And I'm not special, right? Just. Like. Them. I think you alluded to that. It was really stupid of me to think otherwise anyway. Because who the hell am I? I can't even give you anything you want.

So it's for the best. Truly. And I'm sorry this is how it ended. Whatever it was. And you can share this to whoever you want. You can call me a dramatic piece of shit. Or a drama queen. Drama asshat? What would you call me right now, I wonder...something emasculating I'm sure.

And when I think about you, I'll remember your words. Specifically, the last ones. And how much they cemented my resolve with each accusation and turn of phrase aimed to stab at me. You left me that. That is your legacy within me. Thank you.

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gh0stchoir · 2 years

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Y/N took a deep breath from his cigarette, blowing the steam up to the ceiling. His room was as run-down as the other's, but at least he had a cool roommate. Spinner had to bunk with Twice and lost his sleep over it, having Dabi wasn't so bad in comparison. They had a lot in common, and bonded quickly. Same deal with Shigaraki, as soon as the initial urge to murder each other was gone, they found a lot of common ground between the three of them.

And now, they were a trio. Kurogiri was glad that two more people were now loyally protecting Shigaraki, and didn't comment on the varying ages. They were villains, and all above 18. Who gave a damn if they were kissing? Certainly no one in the league. That could change today, though. Dabi would bring a newbie, and while said newbie wouldn't meet the boss just now, he'd meet the others. That guy, gal or nonbinary pal better said noting about the relationship. It was all Y/N had, since his family had left him behind. Not like his parents were any good, they were deadbeats from day one. But Keigo's betrayal had hurt.

It had stung like a million knifes in his young heart, back then. Now, that pain was nothing but a dull throb that surfaced every other month, but died just as quickly. He was over that, he no longer loved that man. The man that chose a hero career over his own brother and left him behind like an unwanted toy. Once Y/N had realized Keigo wasn't searching for him, the pain had ended. Like a switch was flipped, the pain, anger and sadness had become numbness. Numbness that stayed until All for One had found in, had taken him in. Introduced him to the League, where he was just as much of a misfit as the others. A team of misfits that belonged with each other, they were family. And this family stayed together, the others had proven it time and time again. Y/N may be a villain, but at least he was home and happy. Home and happy with the League.

With a sigh, he sat up, putting the cigarette out on his arm. He didn't even flinch at the heat, he was too used to it. His arms and legs and even his neck were covered in the tiny scars of cigarette burns, all carefully placed around his tattoos. Countless black feathers adorned his skin, so different then the bright red ones growing from his back. He preferred black over red. With another sigh, he stood up and got dressed. All his clothes were black, his tank top, his jeans, his boots, his beanie. The piercings in his nose, his ears. The wings were the only thing not fitting, with their stupid red. Gods he hated red. "Very well", Y/N mumbled, "Let's meet this newbie."

Y/n waited around in the common area, scrolling through his phone at the news when the door unlocked and was pushed open. He rose a brow, glancing over to see Dabi walking in. The person behind him made himself known, with his bright red wings, his notably bland hero costume. It was Hawks. Y/n flinched, staring at Keigo. He only ever saw him on tv and the news. How he was such a big hero, number two. So young yet everyone felt safe and happy around him, all feeling protected. But what about y/n. He never got that. All he felt when he thought or saw Keigo was a deep feeling of hatred towards him. No love, no happiness, nothing positive. He hated Keigo with all of his heart.

Y/n smirked when Keigo stopped in place, staring back at him. The look in his eye told it all. Had he thought y/n was dead? Had he thought he left Japan? He surely didn't know. He raised a hand and waved. "A hero huh, Dabi?" Y/n said as he looked over at him. Dabi nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets and actually noticing how much the two brothers looked alike now that they both were together. Y/n stood up, walking to Keigo as his wings twitched behind him. "Don't disappoint, little hero. Don't want your wings to get clipped, right?" He let out a laugh at Keigo's expression. It was priceless! A mix of guilt, worry, and confusion. How funny, y/n thought. That now, after so long, his brother can finally see what he and their parents turned him into.

#ace—♡#sorry for such a late response😭#lights went off then I fell asleep

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kyuuppi · 4 years

Text

“You lie to your best friend/crush that you have an OnlyFans just to see their reaction”

Ft. Sugawara; Nishinoya; Tsukishima; Oikawa; Kenma

Pt. 2

A/N: My bias is so obvious here LOL

KARASUNO

↳ Sugawara

➣ You are over at his house, the two of you idly watching a sitcom while browsing your phones and chatting in between; it’s comfortable, as times with Sugawara usually are.

➣ Every time Suga leans in to show you a funny meme on his phone or throws his head back in laughter at a joke from the show, you find your heart skipping a beat.

➣ He is beautiful, basically an angel in your eyes, but he is also your best friend and you don’t think he has any interest in you like that. Not in the way you do.

➣ That’s how you get the idea to test his feelings.

➣ Being the troublemaker you are (how else would you and Suga get along so well?) you decide to shake things up by casually mentioning you’re interested in starting an OnlyFans and asking if he thinks its a good idea.

➣ You expect either of two reactions: either he’ll be as supportive as usual, possibly advising you to be cautious with strangers online like the mother hen he is, proving he only sees you as a friend—or he’ll tell you not to, possible evidence that likes you.

➣ The response you receive is not quite what you were expecting...

➣ Once the words leave your lips his head immediately whips around in your direction, light brown eyes looking at you with a serious expression on his face, something you’d never really seen before. It makes you uncomfortable and you begin to regret all of your life decisions.

➣ Suddenly though, he is leaning into you, his arms coming up to trap you against the couch as you try to back away. Your eyes are as wide as saucers and face completely flushed as he continues to stare you down before speaking.

➣ “Even though I’m your best friend, I’m still a man, you know. You’re being awfully cruel right now.”

➣ You audibly gulp, suddenly feeling light-headed but he keeps speaking, close enough that you can feel his hot breath fan across your cheeks.

➣ “Asking me to watch the person I like show off in front of thousands of other men? Even I have my limits.”

➣ And that marks the day of you and Sugawara’s first kiss. ♡

↳ Nishinoya

➣ Your best friend, Nishinoya Yuu, is notoriously unabashed with his affections.

➣ The two of you have an interesting relationship—Noya has no qualms with expressing how pretty he thinks you are, borderline flirting with you at times, and you frequently return the favor.

➣ But you don’t take any of it seriously, of course, regardless of how much you secretly wish it were real. Everyone at Karasuno knows about Noya’s undying dedication to the volleyball club manager, Shimizu Kiyoko, and he confesses his love to her at least twice a day.

➣ Unbeknownst to you those professions became less and less frequent after he met you and now most of Karasuno thinks the two of you are basically dating

➣ The two of you are at the mall, a frequent hang out place where Noya can look at volleyball gear and you can browse manga at the bookstore, when you get the idea to prank your friend.

➣ “Hey, Noya? I’ve been thinking about finding a way to make more money but I don’t have time for a part-time job so I decided to make an OnlyFans—I already have a few subscribers.”

➣ Nishinoya nearly trips and falls flat on his face. You would have laughed if it weren’t for how he immediately grabs at your shoulders, staring at you with a mix of anger and fear.

➣ “Absolutely not! No one should be allowed to see your beautiful body like that but me!”

➣ You immediately fluster at his loud declaration, acutely aware of how other customers in the mall are giving the two of your strange looks as they walk by.

➣ “B-but Noya, we aren’t even dating—”

➣ “Then let’s start dating!”

➣ And what are you gonna do? Say no?

↳ Tsukishima

➣ Being friends with Tsukishima could be frustrating at times—a sentiment you and Yamaguchi frequently discuss when the blond isn’t around.

➣ Tsukishima likes to think most things are beneath him and he��s too cool to find enjoyment in activities most other friends enjoy, ranging from mini golf to video games. The man seems content to waste his life away studying and listening to music if it weren’t for you and Yamaguchi forcing him out of his room.

➣ Naturally, something like a prank war would be something Tsukishima would want no part of—not that that has ever stopped you.

➣ Usually, your pranks are failures. Either Tsukishima easily figures out what you’re doing before it can happen or he doesn’t give you the satisfaction of a reaction, chastising you for wasting your time pulling pranks when you have a failing grade in mathematics you’ll later beg him to help you study for.

➣ He still helps you though, he’s whipped

➣ Your newest prank however, you feel exceptionally confident in. Not only is it simple to pull off, only relying on your acting kills, but it also might answer your curiosity on whether you have a chance in getting your dearest Tsukki to see you as more than just a friend.

➣ The day you decide to do it the three of you are hanging out in Tsukishima’s bedroom as usual, you working on the math homework Tsukishima forced you to study while he reads a book and Yamaguchi sits in the corner reading a book.

➣ You had already discussed your plans with Yama beforehand, to which his expression looked suspiciously devious, like he knew something you didn’t know, as he proclaimed his support.

➣ You hear Tsukishima turning a page and decide to speak up.

➣ “Hey, Tsukki, have you heard of OnlyFans?”

➣ You hold back a snicker as you see Tsukishima visibly tense, his eyes widening behind his glasses for a moment before he relaxes. From the corner of your eyes you can see Yamaguchi smirking behind his comic, watching the blond closely.

➣ “...yeah, I’ve heard of it,” Tsukishima simply replies.

➣ “I’ve been thinking about making more money but I don’t have time for a part-time job so my friend suggested it. She said I could make over ten thousand yen a month.”

➣ “I think only the really attractive ones make that much.”

➣ You gasp, thoroughly offended, and Yamaguchi looks mildly annoyed by his friend’s response, already opening his mouth to chastise him for being so mean—but before he can say anything, Tsukishima is speaking again, still looking down at the book in his lap.

➣ “Don’t do it though.”

➣ “Why not?” You pout, refusing to look up at him when you speak.

➣ “...I don’t want the person I like to do those types of things.”

➣ You nearly choke on your own saliva, head darting up to stare at him in disbelief. Yamaguchi, for some reason, only smiles softly, looking unsurprised by the admission.

➣ “W-what? You...like me?”

➣ “Oi, shouldn’t you be studying? One more F and you’re gonna flunk out of the class, dummy.”

➣ You’re slightly disappointed by the change of subject but when you notice the soft pink on Tsukishima’s cheeks you can’t help but to smile the whole time you finish your homework.

AOBA JOUSAI

↳ Oikawa

➣ Oikawa is a busy guy.

➣ You were well aware of that before the two of you happened to be paired up for an assignment and got to know each other, eventually becoming close friends.

➣ Between volleyball practices, tournaments, magazine interviews, and appeasing a passionate fan club, Oikawa rarely has time for himself, let alone another person.

➣ Despite all of that, you could tell he always made sure to spend time with you, dedicating a few weekends a month to hanging out, just the two of you, and constantly texting you in the times the two of you couldn’t physically be together.

➣ From an outsider’s perspective, it was almost like the two of you were dating.

➣ But alas, you know the sad reality is that Oikawa is most certainly not your boyfriend and you have no idea if he has any interest in your like that…

➣ ...Which is why you decide to try to make him jealous one day to push him towards confessing his feelings, if they exist.

➣ The two of you are at a café, sipping lattes and gossiping about other students when you bring it up.

➣ “Y’know...I’ve been thinking of making an OnlyFans.”

➣ To your surprise, Oikawa’s eyes seem to light up, his lips curving into a smile of excitement.

➣ “Wow, really? Maybe I should make one too!”

➣ Oikawa immediately pulls out his cell phone and the color drains from your face as you realize your plan has completely backfired.

➣ “My fans are going to love this—hey do you think we can do a collab? The two of us in one pic would make us top creators for sure.”

➣ You can only nod numbly with a fake smile at Oikawa’s enthusiasm.

➣ Oh god, you’ve created a monster…

NEKOMA

↳ Kozume

➣ Unless you’re Kuroo, becoming friends with Kenma is a nearly impossible feat. Actually making him want to spend time with you alone, even more so.

➣ But somehow, you managed to work your way into Kenma’s tightly knit social circle more like a two point line segment of him and Kuroo and your evenings after his volleyball practice are usually spent in one of your bedrooms, playing Splatoon and Animal Crossing until your Switches die or your parents force you to come home for dinner—whichever comes first.

➣ You love spending time with Kenma, his quiet presence somehow making you feel comfortable—but over time those feelings of ease have shifted into something more akin to nervousness and excitement as you’ve come to develop a crush on the setter.

➣ Every moment with him, watching the small smiles tug at his lips when he wins a match or his cute, frustrated pout when he can’t figure out how to defeat a boss makes your heart flutter and it’s becoming more and more painful to idly sit by without expressing your feelings.

➣ A direct confession, especially to a boy with nearly 0 social skills, is scary, so you want to be sure your feelings are returned before you even attempt to share them.

➣ Thus, you’ve decided to take Kuroo’s advice.

➣ “Push him into a corner. Kenma will only act when he thinks he has to.”

➣ You take a deep breath to steel your nerves before you speak, eying him sneakily from behind your Switch.

➣ “Gamer girls and boys are kind of trendy these days; I’m thinking about starting an OnlyFans to make money to buy more games.”

➣ The only visible response you receive is a slow blink as Kenma continues to play his game, fingers tapping furiously on the keys.

➣ “Ah...I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

➣ “Why not?”

➣ There are a few moments of silence between you two, the room only filled with the SFX of your games as Kenma seems to finish his round. You recognize the victory music as Kenma pauses to finally raise his gaze to meet your own.

➣ “It's your body so I can’t tell you what to do but...I would feel really jealous of all your subscribers.”

➣ And just like that, Kenma returns his attention to the video game, unpausing and starting a new match, blissfully unaware of you struggling to calm your racing heart and flushed cheeks.

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oh-theseus · 3 years

Text

i hate you

pairing: eren jaeger x gn!reader

summary: you finally say the words that eren's been waiting to hear from you.

warnings: season 4 spoilers, arguing, NOT A HAPPY ENDING (all caps so hazel doesn't miss it this time), break up, lots of angst, slight violence (you give eren a good ole slap), swearing, mentions of death, mentions of murder

a/n: i saw a tik tok about how aot characters would react to you saying "i hate you" and i had a strong emotional reaction to it so this is me writing the prompt so we can suffer together. the tik tok is linked here so you should for sure go give it some love :)) also !!! the creator gave me permission to use their prompt in this - just so everyone knows !!! enjoy <33

eren felt like he was drowning.

the silence of his cell was so loud. he felt like his head was going to implode due to the sheer volume of nothingness that surrounds him. it's been like this for a few days now. just eren left alone with his thoughts and feelings. just like when the scouts had first found out he was a titan shifter. oh how far he'd come.

he felt an abundance of things as he stared at the cement floor. he felt relief, fear, anger - nearly everything but regret. he did not regret what he had done to marley. what he had caused the scouts to do. he didn't regret a single thing and would do it a thousand times over.

they needed to know what it felt like to watch their home burn. they needed to know the pain that he had been holding on to for nearly eight years now.

they deserved it.

mostly he thought of you though. he thought of what you thought of him. the letters he'd exchanged with you hadn't been what they used to be. there was no love in these letters - no small heart written after your name. they were short and they were formal. you spoke to him like everyone else did. like he was a man who had lost his humanity.

he supposed then that he did have a little regret. he regretted hurting you. but as much as he loved you, eren knew that his mission came first. his freedom came first. he realized that meant there was no hope for you and him. that he'd disappointed you too much this time. most of all, eren knew you hated him.

so when you somehow managed to convince hange to let you see him, eren was not delighted. he knew that this would be the end for you two. he knew that you'd leave this prison with angry tears on your face and clenched fists. he knew that you'd spend the rest of your day alone. you likely wouldn't speak much in the following days. he knew exactly how you were going to act. he knew everything.

"thought you forgot about me," eren greets, eyes meeting yours. you wear an expression that doesn't seem to fit you. you look conflicted. it's strange to see.

"wish i had," your reply is sharp. it's forced. but he knows you mean it.

"ah, well i'm sorry you can't," his eyes flicker away. to the mirror by the bars, the stain on the wall that looks like blood, the mouse hole near his bed, back to the floor. away from you. he can't look at you. "do us both a favor and just spit it out, yeah?"

you let out a scoff, and eren hears the shuffling of your feet as you move closer to the bars. he hears the soft clink of the ring he'd given you when you were much younger hitting the metal as you grab onto the bars.

"eren, look at me," you say desperately. you need to see his eyes. you want to see him and find regret in his expression. you need the comfort of his guilt. he doesn't look at you. "eren, please," you plead, voice cracking.

eren stands then, silently moving over to where you stand. at first his hands move to rest on top of yours the way he used to do, but he stops himself, and lets his hands fall to his sides. finally, his eyes meet yours. and he watches as you search desperately for what you want to find, and watches as you find nothing there. he watches as your eyes fill with tears, with sadness, and then he watches as they switch to anger.

he stands there as you extend your dominant arm into his cell and slap him. hard. the force makes his head turn slightly and his cheek burn. you watch as it starts to turn red, the faint outline of your hand forming.

you draw your hand back. you hadn't meant to do that.

"i'm sorry," eren whispers, just as you are about to say the same thing. you pause then and look at him with a wide eyed expression. sorry? how could he say he was sorry when you could so obviously see that he wasn't? it was beyond clear that eren held no remorse for what he had done. for who he had become. so how could he stand there and say sorry?

"you aren't. you aren't sorry, eren. not even a little bit. save your lies for someone you can fool. because that isn't me - not anymore," you reply, hurt and anger lacing your words with a deadly poison. a poison that eren didn't like, but one that he knew he'd created.

"i am. please, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to hurt you. i was doing what i thought was best for-"

"yourself! you were doing what you thought was best for yourself, eren! don't stand there and pretend to give a single flying fuck about anyone on this god damn earth except for yourself! you are selfish and self-centered. you don't care about any of us. and i'm not going to let you try to pretend that you do!" you shout, hands releasing the bars only to slam back onto them. metal hitting metal fills the room and both sets of eyes glance to the ring.

"i do care," he tries, hand raising to touch the ring on your finger. you don't realize that's what he's doing until his cold hand touches your warm one and you flinch back, away from the bars.

"liar," you reply, hand furiously taking your ring off and throwing it into his cell with him. a reminder of what could have been. if only he hadn't acted without you.

it grows quiet then, and you watch carefully as eren turns away from the bars for a moment before he begins pacing back and forth behind the bars. it's like watching a caged animal. he looks anxious, yet he looks calm at the same time. he's conflicted, you decide, just as he stops and stares right at you.

"is that all you have to say then? just wanted to return this stupid fucking ring and shout a little to make you feel better about yourself?" eren mocks, hands gripping the bars in front of him tightly. so tight that his knuckles turn white. "don't stand there and act like you didn't take lives too. i watched you kill officers trying to help families. you sent off thunderspears that killed dozens of people. so don't act all high and mighty."

"i did what i had to do to keep your sorry ass alive! do you think i wanted to do that? that's the difference between me and you, eren. you wanted to kill those people! you wanted to burn their homes to the ground and watch them run for their lives. i didn't! i wanted to go back to my home. i wanted to stay so far away from there that i would never have to hear the word titan again. don't make us to be equals when we aren't!" you shout again, hands clenching into fists at your sides. despite the space between you and him, eren can see the tears forming in your eyes. he knows they'll fall soon. you always cry when you're angry.

"they deserved it, why can't you see that? have you forgotten what they did to shiganshina? to us?" he shouts back, eyes trained on you. you want to shrink under his gaze.

"i haven't forgotten, eren. i just know how to manage my emotions," you taunt. this time eren's the one to slam his hands against the bars. he turns away from you and stalks to his sorry excuse of a bed and sits on the edge, eyes back to staring at the cement.

"i don't want to argue. you've said your piece - now go," eren states. it sounds like an order, and you know that it is. you know that staying here won't do any good. it'll just make you hurt more.

you stare at him for a few minutes, head tilting as he reaches down to the ground to pick something up. your ring - his ring technically. he'd given it to you after the battle of trost. it'd been a thing of friendship then, a promise to keep you safe. it became a thing of love eventually, a promise to one day live a peaceful life with you. and now, a ring of metal that did nothing but hurt both of you.

eren slides it onto his left pinky wordlessly.

"i wish the world had been kinder to you eren," you start to say, but eren extends a hand to stop you and lets it fall and lets his eyes meet yours.

"shut the fuck up. i don't want to hear anything you have to say, got it? i don't need your pity. i don't want it either. so go, leave. i never cared about you anyways. don't waste any more of my time than you already have." eren's words are sharp as a knife and cut you into many pieces like one too. you feel your tears finally fall, and before you can stop it, the words you'd been keeping trapped in your head for weeks now finally escape you.

"i hate you."

and there it was. those three words. the ones he'd been waiting to hear you say. the words you'd been trying not to say. it was funny, how similar an admission of hate was to admission of love.

"i know."

and the silence settles again.

he knew you hated him. he knew it with every fiber of him. that was the thought that kept him up at night. not the guilt of murdering so many people. not remorse for forcing his friends into a horrible position. the thought of you hating him. of you never speaking of him again. of you having children one day and not telling them of your first love. the thought of you never saying his name again with the same love and admiration you always had would haunt eren for the rest of his life.

and then you wipe your tears, stare for just a moment longer, and leave.

you issue no goodbye. you don't look when you hear eren slam a hand against the wall next to him. you leave him there. alone, and cold. you let the last thing he will ever hear you say be your admission of hating him, and you let his last image of you be you leaving him.

you're done with this war. but more so, you're done with eren.

taglist ;; @levis-hazelnut

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beauty-and-passion · 2 years

Text

@theepsizet Actually, I've talked about this theme several times, but not in a specific post and not in a fully comprehensible way. So, well, I suppose this is the post where I will do it :D

I believe Logan is very, VERY disappointed in Thomas. The seeds were planted long ago, from season one: Logan has always been the first one to tell Thomas he should get "a real job" and he talked about his decision to change his career with visible frustration and regret:

[Logan]: So many years of chemical engineering and science that you decided to flush down the metaphorical toilet. (Moving On - part 1)

So yes, Logan isn't happy with Thomas' decision. And we can easily understand why: a chemical/mathematical career would've involved logic a lot more, if compared to a more emotional/creative career such as acting.

And maybe, that's how it was. Maybe Logan was the most involved Side, when Thomas was a chemical engineer. Now Roman is the Side in the driver's seat (as he said in POF), but maybe Logan had that role before the career switch.

This could explain a lot of things, like why Logan is so bitter and resentful, why he's so unable to work with Roman and so on.

Still, this can explain why Logan is bitter, but why is he THIS bitter? Why is he still holding that grudge, after all this time?

I think the reason is Thomas himself and how he handled the whole situation during the career switch.

To put it simply: he didn’t. I firmly believe that Thomas didn’t confront Logan at all, nor reassured him. He just took the decision by himself, without involving Logan the slightest.

And this is why I also believe that, if Thomas did everything right, Logan wouldn’t feel like this. All Thomas had to do was involve Logan in this decision - maybe alongside with Roman, to show them they are both important and they can keep being important, by working together. Despite not being in the driver’s seat anymore, Logan would still feel useful and appreciated, because Thomas would keep listening to him during this new part of his life.

But, as we can see from canon, Thomas barely listens to Logan. Most of the time, he just completely ignores him.

And this led to two very important reactions from Logan:

1) A subconscious desire to be heard, to be noticed, to be loved. By ignoring him during that important moment, Thomas hurt Logan. He made him feel unimportant and useless, even though he was the one in the driver’s seat so - theoretically - the first Side Thomas should turn to.

And so, in order to not feel that pain again, Logan desperately tries to be listened to, to prove Thomas he’s here, he exists, he can help. Thomas can talk to him. Because if he talks to him, then Logan won’t be ignored again. He won’t be the last Side to know.

2) A very human anger and passive-aggressiveness. Unlike Roman whose vanity is just fake, Logan knows he’s important. He has a high consideration of himself. He was the one in the driver’s seat. And despite all of that, Thomas just ignored him while taking such a heavy decision? As if he wasn’t as important as he is?

He’s angry, of course. But he’s also a very controlled Side so, instead of expressing his anger by lashing out or with other theatrical ways, he chose the most subtle and hurtful way possible: passive-aggressiveness. And he’s so damn good at it.

The most recent update of this is Logan’s new drinking habit. If he was mostly frustrated at first, he’s relying on wine a lot more in the last episodes. And even though we can all collectively agree that he cannot get drunk, it’s still very sad that he relies on alcohol this much to keep himself calm and collected.

This is a still recent development, so we still have to see how Thomas will talk about it. But if he does it like I think he will, alcohol can become the next means for Logan to get everyone’s attention.

And, this time, he might succeed. It’s just so evident someone has to notice. And when the others do, then Thomas will. Who knows, maybe he will try to help Logan, because oh no, drinking so much is bad for your health, why you’re doing this, it’s not good.

And this, this could be the last straw. What will make Logan snap. After years and years of trying to get Thomas' attention, after years of showing that he's not okay, after he did everything to be noticed and listened to, Thomas notices it just now? Now he cares, while he never cared before? Not when he didn’t tell Logan about the career switch, not when he ignored him for years, not when he flushed so many years of chemical engineering and science “down the metaphorical toilet”? Just now? And only because of alcohol?

The conversation could be very heavy. And I would love it. I want Logan to bring dark themes, to talk about frustration and anger and how this kind of pain can’t ever be fully healed. I don’t want a happy ending.

And while we’re bringing anger on the table, I also would like Orange to be not Logan’s enemy, but his ally. I want him to add fuel to Logan’s internal turmoil, to make it explode: this would make Orange appear as a bad guy, while he’s actually helping Logan finally release years of accumulated tensions.

In the end, Orange will have the dark sides’ typical arc (looks/acts/seems like a bad guy -> he’s actually a helpful boy) and Logan will have a resolution that won’t be happy and joyful. As I said, I want a bittersweet ending. I want Thomas to finally give Logan that confrontation he deserved. I want Logan to calm down and finally understand Thomas’ decision. And I want him to not fully forgive Thomas, because what happened in that career switch will always leave a mark on him. Still, I want them to learn. And I want them to grow up, mature, accept themselves and love themselves a lot more.

#sanders sides #ask #logan sanders #thomas sanders #season 3 #I have so many expectations for Logan's arc #it's so promising

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midday0nightmares · 3 years

Photo

32 - forever lost (m).

Previous chapter a week later (m).

m.list.

warnings: this series contains themes of yandere\mafia, blood, violence, mental health, drugs, non-con.

author note: this is pure fiction and it is not intended to romanticize any of the situations mentioned bellow.

You were stirred awake by jaemin’s hands that roamed up your body, his hot breathes hitting the side of your face.

your mind registering that he must have uncuffed one of your hands whilst you were asleep, His lips letter gentle kisses to the side of your face as you eyes flutter open, “I’ll be back in a while” he whispers into your ear as not disturb you much, “go back to sleep baby” he buries his face in the crock of your neck, filling his chest with your scent, butterflies burst in your stomach at the sweet gesture..“mmh kay” you purr with content and joy.

And just like he was a fleeting dream, he withdraws form you and disappears letting you drown back into slumber.

.... The door was shut, it won’t open, it was cemented on every side expat for the small slit under it, you try knocking, shout for someone, anyone, but to no avail.

you try the window, it opens, but the sight is even scarier. The city is quiet, too quiet. No traffic in its usually busy streets, every window in the near buildings were closed, no birds in the sky, not a single sign of life, even the sun seems to be stuck in its place, time isn’t moving.

Outside the closed door, you can hear muffled sounds, you peak under the door and see the familiar white socks on a pair of feet moving around the room. you shout and scream for him, but he doesn’t even flinch, he just keeps going through his day.

You were forgotten, forever lost in his room ....

Your body jerks awake, the sun glares at you through the open window, you cant feel your left hand as it’s still cuffed to the bed, you sit up to wave the sleepiness, you look around trying to get a grip on reality.

Too grumpy and too sweaty to look for the key, you call for jaemin but no response, he must haven’t returned yet, Where the hell is he? Its noon.

You look under the pillows and over the bedside table, you look through the drawers but you can’t find it, You opt to ask jeno for help

“Jeno~” you call him but he doesn’t responds too, you know he’s home because the TV was on, you knock on the wall until the door opens with him standing with disingenuous smile.

“Yes?”,

you can tell by his tone that his tolerance of you is already thin.

“I need to pee”

you pout, but he doesn’t even pat a lash.

“so pee”,

he deadpans tells you to pee your pants.

“Come on don’t be like that, help meee”

you whine, but he doesn’t budge.

“I’m not getting involved between you two”,

he turns around and walks away..

“no no wait at least get me water, jeno!”,

but to your frustration your words fall deff to his ears. You huff and throw yourself back into the sheets muttering curses.

With nothing to do, you drift back to sleep..

The slammed door wakes you up, it’s dark outside and jaemin is finally back,

“Hey..you’er back”, you mumble happily, ready to be free again.

He flicks the lights on causing you to squint in attempt to adjust your vision, He dosn’t spar you a look and goes to the closet, he opens its door and takes out a bag and starts throwing in a random selection of clothes.

You still groggy with sleeplessness, you rub your eyes and sit up, “Jaemin, baby what are you doing?”,

he wipes his nose with his sleeve and you realize he was crying.

“We are leaving”,

he tells you with a tight jaw.

With too many questions crowding your mind you ask him “Leaving.. where? Why what happed?”,

He turns to face you, and you see his puffy eyes still had tears in them.

He keels next to the bed and opens the safe..

His strange behavior alarming you even more,

“jaemin, what going on?”, fully awake now, you demand an explanation.. and before he can gives you an answer a loud knock on the apartment door freezes him in his place.

“Police! Open the door!” The loud man’s voice echoing through the quiet apartment. Jaemin’s face goes pale like he has seen a ghost, he snaps out of his shock and returns to what he was doing, taking his gun out..

“jaemin please”,

you beg him, you are certain that whatever is happening is not good, the knocks get louder and more urgent.

He fumbles with the key and frees your other hand,

“get up!” he pulls you off the bed with one hand while the other holds the gun, you keep begging him, trying to sooth him, but his tears fall faster as he shouts at you to get up, you can feel the desperation radiates off of him.

Jeno comes running to the door, he opens it and you hear the sound of what sounded like a hundred foot stepping inside the apartment, jaemin runs and locks his door, a dreadful feeling filled you.

You know that this is a serious situation, the police knock on his door but he doesn’t responses, he keeps his back pushed against the door, and it downed on you.. you were locked in a room with a man who have a gun, fear ran through you.

You wanted to say something to soothe the intense situation but you couldn’t find the words.

jaemin opened his eyes and looked at you like an idea have flashed in his mind, your heat was thumbing loud in your ears, he walks towards you. “Jaemin” your eyes fill with tears and you cry without a reason but utter fear, your body moves by itself and you take a step back until your knees were met by the edge of the bed, you keens buckle when he comes closer..

you could barely hear the knocks on the door and the men who were trying to coax him out.. they all seemed too far away.

His tall body looms over you, his eyes had no tears in them, no love, no warmth.

Everything seems to disappear and time seemed to have stopped for a second, you break in violent shakes..

You can see the storm of thoughts behind his eyes, grief tugs at his lips as they twitch when he comes to his decision..

“no jaemin..” You hardly get the words out, he looks at his gun and shakes his head to himself, a sad, ironic laugh escapes his chest “just when I was happy…” his shoulder shakes, his laughter sounds painful, like it was being ripped out of his lunges.

His arm wipe the tears from his eyes and he looks at you, he’s back into his head again.

heated emotions rises up to the surface again, anger, fear, spiraling out of control as fresh tears burst out of his eyes. His hand comes to rest on the back of your neck and he pulls you into him, he rest his head on top of yours, his hand affectionately smoothes your hair, he sways both of you while shushing your cries “its going to be alright”, you stay like this for a minute and oddly it brought you peace.

He kisses the top of your head and pulls back, your hands grip his sides to bring him back to you, he stands over you, “I’m sorry.. ” chocks on his words “I’m taking you with me”..

“No jaemin we still can fix this” you desperately try to stop him, to get him to think again but all hope dies when he points the gun at you.

You heart sinks at click of the safety switch on the gun, his hand dangerously shaking, he sobs and wipes his eyes and blinks to clear his vision.

“Jaemin..”

Everything has stopped at that moment, too shocked and heartbroken to speak, the disbelieve dissipate quickly and its replaced by great sense of disappointment by your short life, sorrow to everything you haven’t had the chance to do yet, how could it all end this quick? like this?.

“Please don’t..” You beg him even you know it won’t help you now..

“Close your eyes my love” he asks you.

You close your eyes, letting go, peace rushing through your veins, you see the sequenced events of your short life flash, all the memories, all the regrets, all the mistakes.

“I will be right there with you” he tells you.

The violent hit pierced through your head, burning its way to the other side, your can hear your skull shattering, you lose your senses quickly as you fade away, the celling of his room disappears as you slip out of life.

Outside the door, jeno hears the gun fires and he knows he has just lost one of you, the ground disappears from under him as he collapse to the floor.

The police breaks the door, but another gun shot breaks as jaemin takes his own life.

What have started as a simple arrest, ended with a murder-sucide.

A new break in the case of jaemin’s mother suspicious death was made, a new piece of evidence was found proving that the only suspect they had was in fact her killer, it was non other than her son na jaemin.

#nct dream #nct yandere #nct mafia #nct dream yandere #nct jaemin #nct jeno #nct blurbs #nct drabbles #nct imagines #nct reactions #nct agnst #nct angst #nct fluff nct smut #na jaemin #lee jeno

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lb-desserts · 2 years

Text

Pran might be neurodivergent and/or depressed. Here‘s why! Pt.1

I‘m back from the circus after my fake dating theory 🤡

disclaimer: This is a THEORY. This post is not supposed to anyone except theorising about a fictional character. I draw my knowledge from personal and interpersonal experience, and not professional knowledge.

Emotions are weird - what a mood

As we've seen the smiley's are EVERYWHERE. It's a constant reminder for him that emotions exist and which exist. For people who have difficulties interpreting emotions, having a visual depiction is extremely helpful in one's understanding of it.

The whole focus on 'am i happy or sad?' can allude to borderline or bipolar disorder, however Pran's portrayal of his mood-switches is much more reminiscent of chronic depression (dysthymia). His default state is :I with some happy moments ):) and when he gets sad, he reaaaly gets sad (:( which is called a double depression.

Pran has difficulty reading his own and other's emotions, so he uses his post-its to track his mood. He also has difficulties communicating his emotions and needs, which we can see in how he uses a door handle to communicate his emotional state to others.

His parents also were probably never receptive to his emotions or wants, and there was no room for emotional closenessat home (at least from his mom). It didn't matter what he wants (e.g. playing music) and he had to fulfil their expectations: be better than the neighbour's son, no matter what. This creates stress.

Take away the joy → Result: Depression

The secrets Pran keeps combined with the suffering from their parent's feud and the expectation to be perfect, creates so much pressure that it's almost impossible that he didn't develop a chronic depression. Especially when his outlet, music and Pat, was taken away from him for years.

Hide the pain Harold Pran: aka 'masking'

However he still has to keep up the appearance that everything is fine, right? That's where 'masking' comes in. Many people mask on a day to day basis and it's not exclusive to Neurodiversity.

If other people look away or are engaged in another conversation, the mask might slip because it's exhausting to keep it up all the time, as we see Pran do multiple times. Pran puts on the mask to keep up appearances, to not make his true feelings known, or to not make anyone worry.

This does not only include smiles, but also put on anger, disappointment, annoyance, and even putting on a 'i don't care' face. It's not only hiding the pain, but also hiding that you are waaay to excited about something or someone.

When there’s too much drama at school many emotions, all you gotta do is WaLK aWaYyyAYAyy: aka avoidance

The vine said it all. Sometimes everything is too much and you can't just put on a mask and push through it. Escaping the situation completely to prevent emotional outbursts or even meltdowns, is the solution in these cases. Pran often can't deal with being confronted about his feelings in general, and more than often about Pat.

In his mind avoiding it is the path of least resistance. Confrontation is pain. Dealing with something is painful. Consequences are painful. He doesn't want the situation to get even worse than it already is, or throw his in an even deeper hole than what came from the Christmas concert many years ago.

Some last words:

this is just a theory. I've gathered sources and written out the whole thing which got waaaay to long, so you'll get about 4 or 5 parts total, which deal with a different aspect of Pran's mental state and possible ND or depression symptoms. As always: I'd love to hear your thoughts and emotions about this theory.

#bad buddy

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obeymepreferences · 3 years

Text

Obey me boys when you flinch

*disclaimer they don’t hit you, you just get scared they willl when your in a fight*

Lucifer

- you two were in a argument about how he have time to hang out with you

-it started getting pretty heated and his voice was raising quickly

-his hair fell into his face and as he went to brush it out of his face you flinch and cowered back a little bit covering your face

- his face has never changed so fast from anger to disappointment not to you but himself

-he was supposed to protect you and he scared you instead it broke his heart

-“mc i hope you understand i would never in a million years hurt you and i don’t know why i was yelling at you you were just concerned for me”

-hugs you for at least 30 minutes and cuddles with you and took the next day off to hang out with you

Mammon

-you get into a fight about him always spending his money on useless things and putting himself in more debt

-you have never seen him this angry as he tells you things such as “you don’t understand me you wouldn’t even care”

-you didn’t see it but there was dust in the air and as mammon raised his hand to swipe it away you flinch back to hard you ended up loading your balance and falling on the floor

-“OMG MC IM SO SORRY WHAT HAVE I DONE” he starts sobbing thinking your going to leave him

-he picks you up bridal style and cuddles you to his chest acting like your a newborn baby swinging you back and fourth

-“please don’t leave i’m so sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry you don’t deserve this i’m the worst boyfriend ever” he says his voice breaking and still sobbing

- is confused when you start to hug him and snuggle up to him he thought you would hate him

-you help him know that your ok and you just got spooked

-won’t stop cuddling you and buying you flowers

Leviathan

-the fight started about his games and him playing 24/7

-at one point he switched into his demon form scaring you more

-he talks with his hand when he’s mad and went to explain something and it went near your face

-you flinched back curling up into a almost ball with your face covered

-his face dropped and he turned back into his normal form and ran into his bathroom locking the door

-you sit outside the door waiting for him to come out and you hear him crying and stuff being thrown around

-after a good 2 hours he opens the door and sees you asleep at the door with a paper next to you he picks it up and sees a apology

-he started balling saying you shouldn’t apologize and he is a dumb otaku and how he shouldn’t even be able to see you

-you hug him and sit in his lap shushing him and playing with his hair as you try and calm him down

Satan

-you and him were outside petting stray cats and as you stood up you accidentally tripped on one and fell putting yourself in a painful position to avoid hurting the cat

-you hear satan gasp very loudly you thought he was gonna help you he picked up the cat asking if it’s ok

-looks at you like he wants to actually murder you and he puts the cat down ask yells “YOU COULD HAVE HURT HER BE MORE CAREFUL MC”

-he backed you up against a wall very close to your face and a cat was brushing against his leg as he went to pet it his hand went fast and it scared you to where you flinched and tried to make yourself look small

-Satan looks at with the most painful look his eyes are watery and he raises his hand up to you check holding your face

-“i’m so sorry sweetheart i would never hurt you, i would sacrifice my own life before any one even comes near you, for now on i will not yell at you if it means i scare you.” he whispers

-he kisses you passionately and picks you up and caries you back to the house and cuddles with you all day

Asmo

-you accidentally knocked over his favorite perfume and he was livid

-“MC WHY WOULD YOU BE SO INCONSIDERATE” he yells in your face as you flinch at that but he didn’t notice

-Your eyes are teary after he changes into his demon form and was getting closer and asmo also talked with his hands and was flailing his hands around one almost hitting your say as you cower back and cover your face and say “ok i’m sorry i’m sorry i will get you a new one please don’t hit me”

-his heart shattered he starts crying without saying anything and whispered “no no no no nononono i would never omg no” he falls on his knees sobbing in his hands

-you go to hug him but she shoves you away “no don’t i’m gonna hurt you” you ignore his request and throw your arms around him pulling him in your lap petting his head

-he falls asleep in your lap abs when he woke up he gave a sincere apology and treated you to a self care night

Beel

-it all started when he thought you ate his food and was lashes out at everyone and the person who ate it was mammon but he wasn’t home to when everyone said it wasn’t them he immediately thought it was you with mammon in his mind

-he starts yelling at you and we all know how scary beel can be when we want to and he’s pretty tall so he was standing over you looking very mad and slipped into his demon form

-he noticed what he did wrong and his voice calmed down and you had your eyes closed shut so you didn’t see his hurt expression for yelling at you

-he reaches for your face and at that moments you open your eyes not seeing his face clearly but his hand coming towards your check and you sink down on the wall falling down and putting your head between your knees and he looks at you

-your scared of him, his sweetie is scared of him he steps back almost as if he was scared of himself at that very moments looking at your figure

-“what have i done?” he whispered you end up hearing him and look up to see him looking at his hands like he’s a monster and tears start to fall

-you take his hands in your making him look at you and seeing you smile at him made him sad, sad that you were acting like what he did was okay, he hugs you and picks you up refusing to put you down and just hold you in his arms

-“i’m so sorry mc i should have made you scared i’m supposed to be someone you can trust and rely on to be there for you, i failed as a boyfriend i’m so sorry bub” he whispers but you don’t let him talk bad about him self and you hug him and reassure him that he is ok and didn’t do anything bad

-ya.....he still won’t put you down you are going with him everyone for the next few days

Belphie

-you woke up one night from a nightmare and you were crying making it remind you of a bad time, so you go to your boyfriends room to sleep in the same bed with him so you feel safe

-as you go into the room beel isn’t around probably eating so you go to get in bed with belphie and little did you know he didn’t sleep much that day and was mad when he felt someone trying to disrupt his sleep

-“what the actually fuck are you doing mc?” he said in a harsh voice making it sounds like he was spitting poison at you as you tell him you had a bad dream he scoffs at your response and says

-“ gosh humans are so weak i bet you can’t do anything without me you worthless excuse of a human, so sensitive, everyone has bad dreams get over it, you would be nothing without me i wish you ended up dying so i wouldn’t have to deal with your bullshit”

-he says all of this backing you up into a wall and he turns into his demon form as you are cowered in a corner of his room, he raises his hand to hit you but beel comes in and yells at him “BELPHIE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO THEM” he pulls him off of you as you scurry out of the twins room and into the nearest bathroom

- beel talked to belphie and then finally belphie snaps out of his little tantrum and realizes what he said and starts crying in heels arms saying “i almost hurt them they don’t desevere me why are they even with me all i do is hurt them”

-beel gets him to go and talk to you and when belphie starts to talk to you and when he sees you he tries so hard not to hug you and hold you in his arms and forget everything that happened then he realized what he said about your dreams being pathetic and then flashbacks of his nightmares of lilith and falls on his knees in frount of you

-gives you a long apology as you try to hug him he moves back a little bit scared he is gonna hurt you and is scared of what he might do himself but after you coxing him you get to hug him he dosnt hug you back at first and is confused why you are hugging him and why you aren’t mad at him

-you say you love him and that even tho he had his moments you still love him the belphie you fell in love with and he cuddles up to you and caries you to his rooms and cuddles you like your gonna die if he lets go

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me preferences #obey me scenarios #obey me shall we date #obey me angst #angst

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