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#the show is y'know. REALLY GOOD. But not THAT good jesus christ

javiscigarette · 3 months

Text

Teacher's Pet, part II

Joel Miller x virgin f!reader

Summary: Joel gives you a few more lessons and a few more feelings start to surface. (Picks up right where part one left off so I recommend reading that first!)

Warnings: unbalanced power dynamics, virgin!reader, neighbor/bff/more experienced! Joel, age gap, oral (m!receiving), fingering, thigh riding, dirty talk, ungodly amount of pet names, unprotected sex, virginity loss (it's the real deal this time), he's back and more annoying than ever but still just as sweet, disgustingly fluffy at times, reader has hair he can run his fingers through but no other physical descriptions, no use of y/n

w/c: ......10.5k I am so sorry

a/n: It's here! I kept changing my mind with how I wanted this to go so hopefully I landed on something good. I'm absolutely still blown away by the amount of love and support you guys gave on part one :'))) you are all incredible. Hoping and praying this one lives up to everyone's expectations

Part One

my masterlist

"Well, excuse the fuck outta me" he huffs, but the feigned offense is betrayed by the way he’s positively beaming down at you. "I'm about to give you the best fuckin' lay of your life, and here you are makin' fun of me." "The best fuckin' lay of my life? I haven’t even had one lay. Don't exactly have anything to compare it to." "Yeah, well, trust me. Best you're ever gonna get.” "That's some big talk, cowboy. Let's see if you can live up to that."

Getting on your knees for Joel Miller wasn’t exactly on your agenda for today.

Not that you’re really complaining.

He doesn’t look bad from this angle, you have to admit. His chest looks broader from where you are on your knees in front of him, if that’s even possible. His hair is messy and tousled from where your fingers pulled and tugged with a pretty red flush spreading down his neck and chest, and the soft curve of his belly looking positively sinful.

“First lesson is how to take a man’s pants off,” Joel starts. “Think you can handle that? Or do you need a demonstration first?”

You scowl up at him, his words pulling you out of your transfixation on his body.

“Shut up,” you hiss. “I can take your pants off.”

He grins and raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah? Go on then. Show me.”

You roll your eyes but take a steadying breath, trying your best to calm your pounding pulse and trembling fingers as you reach up for his belt buckle. The metallic jingle has your heart fluttering in your chest, and you make quick work of the rest, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans until they’re hanging open in front of you.

You stop for a moment and glance up at him. He’s looking down at you, a soft encouraging smile playing on his lips.

“S’okay, baby. Keep goin’,” he murmurs, nodding his head once.

You give him a small nod and a tight swallow around the lump in your throat, dropping your gaze back to the task at hand. Gently, gingerly, you hook your fingers in the waistband of both his jeans and boxers, pulling them both down simultaneously.

A tiny, barely audible gasp escapes you when his cock springs free and bobs heavily in front of you.

“Jesus Christ,” you whisper, too stunned to stop the words from slipping out.

“Just Joel if fine, actually.”

You barely even register his jab and you definitely don’t have the bandwidth to come up with any kind of witty comeback right now, your mind too busy processing the sight before you. Sure, you’ve seen plenty of dicks before, the internet can be a magical place. But this, in person, up close and so real, is an entirely new experience.

He's big, thick, heavy, and long with a slight upward curve. The tip is flushed a deep pink, shiny with smeared precome with more beading at the slit. A few thin veins run from his base to his tip up the length in a twisting pattern, the dark hair at his base neatly trimmed. And he’s hard, so much so that it looks nearly painful and your stomach flutters know that you're the one who did that to him.

"You can touch it, y'know." Joel says softly after a few moments of silence. "It ain't gonna bite."

"Oh my god" you groan, bringing up a hand to scrub down your face as he pulls you out of your awe.

"Again, just Joel is fine."

He laughs proudly at his own joke and you drop your hands in your lap and stare up at him in disbelief.

"Oh c'mon! You walked right into that one, no need to get all-"

He cuts himself off with a hiss, the air escaping between his teeth and his head falling back as your hand wraps around him, squeezing just a little too tight to be pleasant. He staggers half a step backward, hips jerking away from your grip.

"You were saying?'' you ask sweetly, grinning up at him.

"Fuckin' christ, woman. You're tryin' to get me off not break it off"

You loosen your grip a little but keep your hand still and look at him with expectant eyes, waiting for further instruction. It's not that you don't know what to do, you just don't know how to do it well. How to do it for him.

You want to do well for him.

The realization should alarm you, scare you even. But you find it only spurs you on, only makes the want burning inside of you even more potent and pressing. You want to make him moan, gasp, make his body writhe beneath your touch. You want him to be breathless, shivering, and panting with pleasure. You want to make him come undone, just like you did for him.

"Okay" he starts, clearing his throat and taking a deep breath. "Lesson two is learning what he likes. Everyone's a lil different, but the basics are the same."

The nerves in your gut twist almost painfully, the anxiety of it all getting you half a second away from tapping out.

But your decision is set in stone when he drops his hand to yours where it’s wrapped around him, giving a light squeeze before he starts to gently guide your movements.

"Start slow,” he starts, a light strain tainting the edges of his voice. “Nice and gentle. Wanna work up to it."

You nod and watch, focused intently as if you were actually a student in class as the head of his cock disappears and reappears in your fist. His hand covers yours nearly entirely as he drags it up and down while you try and memorize where he squeezes a little tighter, when he swipes his thumb over the head.

“Can give a little twist at the top,” he murmurs, voice low as he demonstrates what he means. “There you go, baby. Just like that,” he sighs when you do the same.

Once satisfied, he removes his hand, letting you take control. You continue to pump him, trying to replicate the movements he just showed you. His cock is a warm, heavy weight in your hand, twitching and pulsing every now and then when you twist your wrist just right or swipe your thumb over his head like he showed you, collecting and spreading his precome to ease your strokes.

Your confidence builds with each stroke and soon enough you start to experiment with your pace, switching between faster and slower. He gently rocks his hips in time with your hand, unable to resist thrusting forward just slightly.

The fire inside you burns even hotter at the shaky breath that he lets out above you, heat spreading through your veins like wildfire before settling low in your belly, your core aching and pulsing with it.

"This good?" you ask concerned, your voice barely above a whisper.

He lets out a breathless chuckle and looks down at you with heavy lidded eyes.

"Yeah, honey. Real good," he rasps, a small smile spreading across his lips.

You match his smile, biting your lip and basking in his praise, a warm, gooey feeling spreading outwards from your heart to the tips of your fingers and toes. It's like he has a direct link to the inner workings of your brain and body with how effortlessly he can make you melt, with just a soft, easy smile and a few well chosen words.

"Should I...do you want my mouth?" you ask, glancing between his flushed, leaking cock and his hooded eyes.

"God yes, baby. J-just start slow. Lick the tip, get a feel for it. Don't try to take too much right away," he instructs, his voice constricting more and more with each word.

"So I shouldn't try to fit all of your giant cock in my mouth on my first go?" you quip, raising a brow.

"Please don't" he chuckles. "Don't want ya pukin’ all over the place. Might kill the mood," he adds with a grin.

You shake your head and let out a light laugh, the sound trailing off into a content hum when he brings his hand to the top of your head, his fingers tangling in your hair, dull nails scratching lightly at your scalp.

"You're ridiculous," you sigh, leaning into the touch.

"You love it."

You do, so, so much.

"Now c'mon. You've got work to do," he teases, his hand gently tugging at your hair.

You comply easily enough, leaning forward and tenderly swiping your tongue across the slit, licking up the precome that's gathered there. He hisses, a rush of hair pushing past his clenched teeth as his cock twitches in your hand, a fresh bead of precome forming.

With your confidence renewed by his reaction, you do it again, pressing your tongue flat against the slit and swirling it slowly around his swollen tip all while your hand still works him at a steady pace.

Emboldened, you take it a step further and close your lips around him, sealing them around the head to give him a slow, experimental suck. The groan he rewards you with has sparks shooting down the length of your spine.

"That's it. Good girl. Just like that," he pants, fingers tugging and tightening in your hair.

His praise washes over you in another wave of warmth, a feeling akin to a full-body shiver that has goosebumps breaking out over your skin. It strokes your ego, pride and confidence filling you as his soft moans and grunts fuel the fire burning in your belly.

Encouraged by the way he’s already falling apart, you take him a little deeper. It’s only a few inches but your lips are already stretched wide, a slight ache already settling in your jaw from how wide it's being forced open.

You keep your tongue flat against the underside of his cock while you start to bob your head, trying to match the pace of your hand. But the motions are new and unfamiliar, your movements clumsy and uncoordinated and when he hits the roof of your mouth, your gag reflex kicks in forcing you to pull off quickly, coughing and sputtering.

"Easy. Easy," Joel soothes, his fingers scratching at your scalp again. "Try to breathe through your nose. And don't don't force it, yeah? Feels good, just the way you were doin' it."

"Sorry," you apologize sheepishly, looking up at him through your lashes.

"Ain't nothing to be sorry for. S’your first time. It takes practice. Now, c'mon. Try again. Nice and easy. And if this man tries to-"

But you're not in the mood for another Joel Miller Life Lesson, especially when he’s about to mention the other man who's name you can barely even remember anymore.

Thankfully, his words dissolve into a groan when you take him back in your mouth, your lips wrapping around his sensitive head, tongue flat where it slowly glides down the underside of his cock as you take him deeper.

The ache in your core is quickly growing more and more incessant. You can still feel the ghost of his fingers and tongue on you, your inner thighs wet and sticky with the memory. And the sinful sounds he’s making, whispered curses between breathy moans and grunts, are not exactly helping your case.

You manage to take a little more, his thick cock stretching your mouth wider, forcing your jaw open even further. You gag slightly around him again but you’re determined to push through it this time. YOu squeeze your eyes shut and breathe in harshly through your nose as saliva dribbles past the tight seal of your mouth and drips onto your hand, your fist diligently pumping what you can't take.

He responds with a low, guttural groan, his hips jerking forward, chasing after the sensation of your throat convulsing around him.

You're still only a little over halfway down and it's a quick realization that you'll never be able to get it all down your throat. Maybe you can try and practice, but it’s practically a pipe dream to even think about getting his whole cock into your throat without choking to death on it.

But that's a problem for another day.

For the next time.

For now, you hollow out your cheeks and suck as you pull back, tongue swirling along the underside until his cock leaves your mouth with a wet pop, a string of saliva connecting your swollen, spit-slicked lips to his glistening tip.

You use your hand to spread the wetness, mixing it with the precome that's leaking steadily from the flushed head. The smooth glide allows you to speed up your pace as you look up at him through your lashes, trying to gauge his reaction.

He's staring down at you with hazy, lust blown eyes, his jaw hanging open, panting heavily.

"How am I doing, Professor?" you tease with an innocent smile. A lazy grin slowly spreads on his face in return.

"You’re a fuckin’ natural, baby," he mumbles, his hand moving from where it's tangled in your hair to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing over the apple of your flushed cheek, "My good girl."

And maybe, most likely, the words slipped out unintentionally, the heat of the moment forcing out things that he doesn’t really mean. But all the alarms and sirens in your head warning yourself to not fall too deep into this trap that is Joel Miller with his pretty words and sweet praises and soft smiles are all dead silent right now. There’s not a single part of your brain that’s trying to resist him right now. You doubt you could even if you wanted to.

Because he just called you his girl.

His.

To say you’re fucked would be the understatement of the century.

You hum, pressing your cheek into his palm, wanting, needing, craving more. More of his touch, his taste, his warmth, his cock, his praise. So you take him back in your mouth with a renewed determination, spurred on by his words, wanting to prove to him that he's right, that you are his good girl. Determined to show him that you can make him feel good, that you can please him, that he'll want more of you, need more of you.

And judging by the way his grip on your hair is almost painful, his thighs trembling as he holds himself still, fighting the urge to jerk his hips forward and shove his cock down your throat, you'd say you're doing a damn good job

"Makin’ me feel so good, baby. So fuckin' good," he pants when you take him a little deeper.

You whine quietly around him as you press your sticky thighs together. White hot heat pooling low in your belly, your neglected cunt throbbing and aching, slick, wet, and messy.

You squirm in your spot, rubbing your thighs together and grinding down on nothing in desperate search for the slightest bit of friction. You pray that the movement is subtle enough for Joel not to notice.

As if that’s possible.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” Joel starts, his tone annoyingly saccharine and condescending as he smirks down at you. “Did we forget somethin’ important?”

Another small whimper is all you can muster, too focused and preoccupied with the way his thick length is filling your mouth, the weight and taste of him on your tongue dizzying and addicting.

“Well look at that,” he coos, his hand leaving your hair and sliding down your cheek to cradle your jaw. He swipes swiping over your bottom lip that’s stretched around his length, smearing the spit that’s gathered there.

“Think I finally found a way to shut ya up. We should’a done this a long time ago. Woulda saved me a lot of headaches,” he chuckles, the sound dissolving into a sharp hiss when you dig your nails into the tender skin of the back of his thigh, hard enough to leave a mark.

You pull off his cock with a wet pop, jaw aching as you glare up at him.

"I'd shut up if I were you" you warn, the threat of your words completely lost in the breathless, desperate way they leave your mouth. "Just one good chomp is all it would take" you add, clicking your teeth together for emphasis.

But Joel's face just splits into a grin, a full blown, infuriating smile that makes his eyes crinkle at the corners.

"Biting huh? Now that’s a little kinky. Didn't know you had it in you, sweetheart."

"Shut up," you snap, but it still lacks any real heat, not with the way your lips are twitching at the corners, fighting a smile, your eyes undoubtedly sparkling, your heart definitely leaping out of your chest at the way his eyes are boring into yours.

"Careful, sweetheart. Might have to knock you down a whole letter grade for that type of talk. Gotta respect your professor ‘n all, y’know."

"You're insufferable," you grumble.

"But yet, here you are, still on your knees."

"And I'm gonna get up and leave if you don't stop talking."

"Leave before or after you chomp my dick off? Cause I'd really like a heads up for that, if ya could."

"Jesus fucking christ, Joel!" You huff, rolling your eyes so hard it actually hurts. "Do you ever just shut the fuck up? I'm literally on my knees right now with your dick in my mouth and you're still finding ways to piss me off!"

“What can I say? It’s a special talent of mine,” he says with a nonchalant shrug, the smug smile on his face making you want to genuinely bite his dick off now.

You drop the wet hand you had wrapped around him and start to move to your feet.

"You know what, I'm just gonna go. Maybe I'll call my coworker. He's not nearly as irritating as you," you huff, pushing yourself up onto shaky legs, your knees stiff and sore.

But you can't even take one step before he's grabbing your waist, his large, warm palm resting firmly on the swell of your hip. His fingers flex, his grip tightening, not enough to hurt, but it's enough to halt you in your tracks. You're not particularly fond of the way your heart skips a beat in your chest, the way you can feel goosebumps breaking out all over your body from just his touch.

He pulls you in closer until your chest is pressed against his, hard, wet cock pressed against your bare thigh.

"You really think you’re gonna leave with your pussy drippin' all over the place like that?” he says, his voice seamlessly switching from teasing to low and rough as his dark, hungry eyes bore into yours. “You're about to ruin my floors with the way you're leakin' right now, baby. Wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

Your cheeks flame with embarrassment from how easily he was able to see your desperation, and with anger at how right he is.

"Shut the fuck up, Joel," you mumble, giving him a weak push at his chest. "I'm not leaking I-"

The rest of your sentence stays lodged in your throat when his free hand slips between your thighs. Two deft fingers drag through the slick mess, collecting your arousal and spreading it around, a soft, wet, obscene sound filling the space between you.

You don't even think to stop the high pitched, breathy whine from escaping your lips when he slides a thick finger inside you with no warning, your pathetic sound dissolving into a moan when he immediately follows it up with a second one, his palm pressed flat against your clit.

"Not leaking, hmm? Sure don't seem like it, baby," he purrs, his voice a low, rumbling drawl, his warm breath fanning across your cheek. "Feel that? How easy it was for me to get two fingers in ya?"

"Fuck," you whine as you dig your nails into the bare skin of his shoulder, hanging on to him and desperately searching for any semblance of stability as you try not to sway on shaky legs.

He crooks his fingers in you, fingertips digging into the spongy spot on your front wall that has your knees buckling, tiny stars dotting your vision momentarily as a rush of arousal gushes out of you, a pitiful whimper falling from your lips. Joel chuckles, low and dark and the sound shoots straight to your neglected clit, a bolt of lightning arcing down your spine.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," he murmurs, nosing at the sensitive skin below your ear, the faint scrape of his beard against your cheek sending a shiver down your spine.

The feeling of him removing his fingers is a cruel, sudden jolt, the emptiness and lack of pressure and friction has you keening, a needy, impatient noise bubbling up from your throat.

He's moving before you can complain though, stepping around you to sit on the edge of the bed and then promptly pulling you down onto his lap. You let out a small squeak of surprise as he forces you to straddle his thigh, pulling you down until your aching cunt is seated firmly against his bare skin. The position has his cock pressing against your hip, a drop of precome smearing against your skin.

"Fuckin' soaked for me, honey,” he drawls, his fingertips dimpling the soft skin of your hips. “And to think you were about to leave without gettin' what you came here for.”

You can't even speak, too enraptured with the feeling of his strong muscles flexing subtly under your hypersensitive clit. So you ignore his teasing and just grind down instead, past the point of desperation.

But he would never let you win that easily, would he?

He laughs and tightens his grip on your hips, stopping your movement and holding you in place.

"Ah-ah, not so fast, baby. Let's talk about the terms first."

You give him the best glare you can muster while suppressing a needy whimper.

"Terms?"

"Yeah. Terms. Of all this. Like if this is a one time thing, or if we're gonna be havin' regular...lessons," he replies, his hands slowly sliding up your waist and coming to rest on your ribs, his thumbs stroking the undersides of your breasts.

"If you're gonna go out with this guy," he continues, his thumbs brushing over both of your nipples. "Or if I'm the only one who's gonna get to see this," he says, leaning forward, his warm breath fanning over your skin. You bite your lip, holding in the soft, needy moan threatening to spill out when his lips press to the hollow of your throat.

"If I'm the only one who gets to have you like this. If I'm the only one who's allowed to touch you. To kiss you," he says, punctuating his last word with a kiss to the center of your chest, his hands squeezing the swell of your breasts, his tongue flicking out and licking at your nipple.

"Or do you plan on letting him have you too?" He asks, the tip of his tongue swirling around your nipple before closing his lips around the pebbled peak, sucking it into his mouth, his teeth lightly grazing it before he pulls back. "'Cause I'm not too keen on sharin', baby."

You take a deep steadying breath, trying to clear the thick haze that's clouding your mind and focus on his words, his questions about the fucking terms.

And you do think about it, about your coworker who's been nothing but so sweet to you, who doesn't get on your nerves in under a millisecond. The coworker, Micheal, you think, his name finally returning to you, who doesn't tease you and play games and leave you a panting, needy, dripping mess.

And while he is really such a perfect gentleman, he isn’t the one that’s been there for you, listening to you complain about all the shitty things that have happened to you in the last year. He isn’t the man that lets you use him as a punching bag whenever you’re frustrated, has never been the calm, reasonable voice that challenges the anxiety that overwhelms you and threatens to pull you under.

Michael has never held you when you've cried, never helped you cook dinner after a hard day at work, never fixed the flickering light in your bathroom. He certainly has never dropped a key to his front door in your palm accompanied by a lopsided smile and the words just in case ya need anything.

Michael isn’t the one who’s been the one to pick up your pieces and put you back together, so gently and tenderly, making you even better than you were before.

It's useless, trying to avoid it. Trying to push it down, bury it, ignore it, how you've been feeling and what you want.

It’s Joel.

All of it.

You want Joel.

All of him.

You've wanted him since the day you showed up on his porch with a six pack. You've wanted him all those times you watched from a distance as he fixed something in your house, so capable and competent, casually waving away your slew of thank yous. You wanted him every single time he invited you over for a movie night, sitting close enough to you on his couch that you could feel the warmth radiating off of him. You wanted him every time he made your blood boil and your eyes roll so hard you swore you could see the back of your brain, and every time you genuinely thought you were going to smack him.

And now, you have him.

Right here, naked and hard and underneath you, your pussy leaking on his thigh.

The answer is so painfully obvious, the words falling from your lips before you even have a chance to process them.

"M'not gonna see him," you finally manage to say, your voice barely above a whisper. "Want this. Want you."

Joel hums, indicating that he heard you. But again, he would never let you win that easily.

"Speak up, baby," Joel says, releasing your nipple with a soft pop, his eyes dark and intense, a predatory, feral glint in them. "Can't hear you."

And it's infuriating and annoying, absolutely maddening. And it's the last straw.

You're not sure if it's the frustration, or the pent up desire, or the heat burning inside you, or the fact that Joel's still hard, and still leaking precum against your hip, as your cunt slides against his thigh, but you break.

You absolutely shatter.

"I want you!" you practically shout, hands balling into fists where they're resting on his shoulders.

"You, okay? You! You and your stupid, fucking, annoying ass, and your dumbass pickup truck, and your stupid, charming grin, and the way you always call me 'baby', and 'honey', and 'sweetheart'. It drives me fucking insane! And the way you're always fixing shit, and being so fucking helpful and sweet and you always, always make me laugh, and smile, and there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by in the past year that I didn’t think about you and I can’t get you out of my fucking head, not even for a single fucking second.”

The words spill from your lips in a breathless tirade, and it feels good, freeing. It's like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders, like a great burden has been taken off of you.

But the feeling doesn't last long.

Silence stretches between you and it's suffocating, oppressive, and you feel like the walls are closing in on you, panic rising in your chest.

Your cheeks burn, nauseating embarrassment and humiliation coursing through you as you realize the full weight of what you just word-vomited all over him. Your chest heaves, and you hang your head, unable to bring yourself to look at him.

But then, a bright laugh sounds through the otherwise quiet room. And your eyes snap to Joel's face, only to find him smiling.

He's fucking laughing.

"Joel!" you scold, a mixture of mortification and confusion washing over you.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he placates, but the laughter in his voice doesn't help to ease your nerves. "I didn't mean to laugh, it's just...I just can't believe how dense you are."

The daggers you shoot at him are truly deadly.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Do you think I just go around callin' everyone 'baby' and 'sweetheart'?" he asks, quirking an eyebrow.

"I..." you stammer, trailing off as his words sink in.

"I mean, my southern charm is one thing,” he says, obnoxiously wiggling his eyebrows. “But you’re seriously thick if you think I'm like this with anyone else.”

You stare blankly at him, trying to process what he’s saying.

“Do you think I let all the neighbors just use me for free handy work, think I cook dinner with all of them, think I keep a stash of everyone’s favorite snacks in my pantry, give everyone a fuckin’ key to my front door? And you think I just go around agreeing to sex lessons to anyone who asks?” He rambles, squeezing your hip.

Your brain is reeling as you try to wrap your head around everything.

"Well...no” you stammer, your brows pinching together. “But…"

"How many other girls you seen me bringin' home? Huh? How many other girls you see me with?"

"None" you admit sheepishly.

"Mhm. Because I don't. Not since you moved in next door."

You frown, confusion clouding your features. You open your mouth to speak but Joel cuts you off.

"I like you, baby," he admits with a sigh. "A lot. Maybe too much. But I wasn't about to lose you as a friend just because I'm crazy about you. And if being your friend is the only way I can be close to you, then I'd take it and die a happy man."

You can only stare at him, the words he just spoke bouncing around in your brain, and a warmth blooms in your chest, your heart fluttering wildly in your ribcage.

"Are you kidding me?!" You exclaim suddenly, hitting his shoulder.

"Hey! Ow!" he barks, his eyes widening as he grabs his shoulder. "The fuck was that for?!"

"You've been trying to sleep with me for a whole year?!"

"I wouldn’t say trying," he says with a casual shrug. "Just waiting. Wanted you to take the lead but you’re a little stubborn, baby."

You scoff, glaring at him, not missing the way his lips twitch at the corners, the way his eyes sparkle with amusement.

"So, the reason why I haven't been able to catch a break the entire time we've known each other, has been because you've been trying to get in my pants? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Well, that part is just natural. You're just too easy to get riled up. And that’s not my fault."

You open your mouth to argue with him but his sliding over your hips to palm at your ass and his lips are ghosting over the shell of your ear, his beard scraping against the sensitive skin.

"But no, I can't deny that I like it," he rasps, his breath warm against the side of your neck. "The way you get all fired up and angry, your face all flushed, your chest heaving. Mmm, it's nice. You look real pretty when you're all worked up and pissed off," he whispers, his lips curled in a smile when he presses a kiss to the spot below your ear before pulling back to look at you.

"Why didn't you tell me,” you say, voice softer now, the rough edges of your tone smoothed out by the feeling of his lips on your skin.

"Didn't want to make it weird. Didn't want you to think I was some creepy old man and ruin our friendship" he explains with a small shrug. "But then you came over here tonight askin’ for a sex lesson, which was not easy by the way, acting like I wasn't already about to burst outta my pants as soon as you asked. Thought for sure you were onto me. But then you started going on about that douche canoe Michael-"

"Joel."

"And then I got jealous and pissed, and figured it was time to cut my losses and just enjoy it while I can, but-"

"Joel."

"Then we were kissing and you were touchin’ me and you're so fucking sexy and-"

"Joel!"

"What?"

"Just kiss me, you idiot" you breathe, and before the words are even fully out of your mouth, his lips are on yours, crashing into you with enough force to knock the air out of your lungs.

It’s bruising, searing, all consuming.

His fingers dig into the meat of your ass as he pulls you forward, the seam of your pussy dragging deliciously against the strong muscles under warm skin.

Your fingers tangle in his hair, and tug, the base of your spine tingling when he groans softly into your mouth, and you grind your hips against his, the wet heat of your cunt grinding into his thigh, pulling another soft, low sound from his throat.

"Fuck" he groans, pulling away just far enough to press his forehead to yours, his breath coming in quick, sharp pants, his chest heaving. "Baby, are you still okay with this?" he breathes, voice ragged and gravelly.

You look at him as if he's grown a second head.

"Are you serious?"

""I...well, I was serious when I said I'd be fine with being your friend, and I don't want you to think I'm tryna pressure you into anything."

You can't help but roll your eyes, the soft, endearing side of Joel coming out at the worst possible time.

"I literally just admitted that I've had a crush on you for months, and now I'm sitting on your lap, soaked, and grinding on your thigh and you're worried I don't want this? I think you might be the dense one here."

He grins, wicked and wide, a flash of sharp teeth, the dimple in his cheek deepening.

"Guess so," he says, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

You don't respond, and instead choose to silence him by pulling him into a kiss, licking at the seam of his lips and sucking his tongue into your mouth. He groans softly into your mouth, and you swallow the noise, rolling your hips again, chasing the sweet friction that's sending a delicious heat through your veins.

"God, baby," he breathes when he pulls back for air, hands on your ass gripping and guiding you against his leg, encouraging your movements. "Makin' such a mess, ain't ya?"

You bite your lip, nodding as a wave of arousal surges through you.

"Yeah, you are. Soakin' my leg, sweet girl," he says, his eyes flicking down between you, watching as your pussy drags along his thigh, coating him in a shiny, slippery sheen.

"Fuck, Joel, please" you whine, your hips jerking and rolling against him.

And that's all the encouragement he needs.

In the blink of an eye, you're on your back, Joel hovering above you, a wild look in his eyes.

"Don't worry, baby," he says, his voice low and husky, and he trails his fingers over your hip and up your ribs, his touch light, teasing, barely ghosting across your skin and it's almost ticklish, making you shiver. "M'gonna take care of you. Gonna make you feel so good."

Your heart thunders in your chest, and your cunt throbs, your arousal leaking out of you. It feels like you’re about to crawl out of your own skin, the desperation growing with every passing second.

He trails his fingers down your sternum, and over the flat expanse of your stomach, goosebumps breaking out across your skin in his wake, the muscles under your skin rippling and twitching at the soft, fleeting touches.

And when he reaches the crease of your thigh, you let out a shaky, trembling breath, and he chuckles softly, his lips curling into a crooked grin.

"Eager, are we?" he teases, dragging his fingers over the slick flesh between your legs, gathering the wetness pooled there before slowly sliding a single thick digit inside you. "We're gonna get there, baby. But gotta make sure you're ready first. Don't wanna hurt you.”

You whimper, your walls fluttering and clenching around his finger, and your hips roll forward, seeking friction, wanting, needing more.

Joel curses under his breath and groans softly when your wet, warm walls constrict around his finger. His cock leaks and twitches where it’s pressed against your thigh, and you whimper, both of you caught up in an endless cycle of keying each other up.

"Please, Joel" you beg, and the words come out soft, pleading, and desperate. You should probably be embarrassed at how quickly he's reduced you to a begging, quivering mess, but the way his eyes go dark, and his pupils blow wide, makes the embarrassment worth it.

"Please, what, baby?” He prods with a devilish smirk. “Use your words"

"You're such an asshole" you snap, but the venom in your voice is diluted with pleasure as he slips another finger inside you.

"You keep saying that. What d’ya want me to do about it, sweetheart? You want me to stop?" he taunts.

"No!" you cry out, reaching down and grabbing his wrist with an iron grip when he starts to pull out.

"Then tell me what you want, honey."

"Fuck you,” you mumble weakly.

"Mhm. Okay, honey" he drawls, his thumb moving to circle around your clit as his fingers curl inside you, still pumping in and out of you at an agonizingly slow pace. . "I'll just wait then. Take my time. Tease your pretty little pussy until you can't stand it. I'm in no hurry, baby. Gonna take all night, if that's what it takes. I've waited this long."

"Joel, please" you whine again, the ache between your thighs turning to an unbearable burn.

"Tell me what you want,” he repeats casually.

"You," you try with a needy whimper.

"Me? You got me, sweetheart. What else?"

“Oh my fucking god can you please just fuck me? Or do I have to spell it out for you, old man?"

"There she is," Joel says with a laugh, his grin splitting his face "There's my girl"

And then his fingers are gone and you whimper at the sudden emptiness. But before you can protest much more,, they're sliding back in, this time joined by a third.

Your hands fly to his shoulders, gripping him, nails digging into the soft flesh of his muscles.

"Oh fuck" you pant, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as he starts pumping his fingers again.

"Gotta get ya ready, baby" he breathes, and his lips are ghosting along your jawline and up the shell of your ear, his breath warm. "Such a tight little pussy, but we'll get you nice and open, don’t worry. Then I'm gonna sink in ya, fill you up real nice. Take real good care of you, baby. Fuck you nice and deep, make you forget your name. Would you like that? Hmm?"

A strangled moan is all you can manage in response. His words, filthier and more deranged than any you've ever heard him speak before, sending your brain into overdrive.

You can’t help but roll your hips, and bucking, and gyrating, meeting his thrusts as his fingers pump in and out of you, the lewd, wet, sloppy sounds filling the otherwise quiet room, and the coil in your gut is threatening to snap.

"Joel, Joel, fuck, oh fuck" you chant, your hazy and thick with pure arousal. It drips down your spine and flows through your veins, liquid heat burning, searing, and scorching you from the inside out.

You manage to open your eyes long enough to look down and see the tendons flexing in his wrist, the muscles and veins in his forearm bulging as he works you, his face brows pinched in concentration as he focuses on your reactions.

"Oh shit, honey," Joel curses breathlessly, a smug grin stretching across his lips as he feels your slick pooling in his palm. “So messy, baby. You gonna cum? Hmm? Gonna be a good girl and lemme feel your sweet little cunt clench and drip even more around my fingers?"

You whine, throwing your head back against the pillows as he thrusts his fingers into you, the heel of his palm rubbing deliciously against your clit. Your fingers scrabble for purchase, desperately seeking something, anything, to ground yourself. You settle for the firm muscle of his arms, your nails biting into his skin and leaving bright red marks that'll undoubtedly leave little half-moon bruises later

"Fuck, yeah, c’mon, sweetheart, lemme feel. Give it to me."

You come with a cry, the dam breaking, the tension in your gut exploding outward, a wave of euphoria crashing over you, washing through every inch of your body. Your legs tremble and shake, and Joel works you through it, his fingertips nudging that spongy spot inside you, dragging his thumb across your throbbing clit, milking you through the aftershocks, and when you start to come down, you're panting and breathless, your chest heaving.

You look up at Joel, and his eyes are blown wide, the deep, rich brown of his irises nothing more than a thin, dark ring around his dilated pupils. There are no words, at least none that you can manage to articulate at the moment, so instead you let out a breathless laugh, and a contented hum, a smile spreading across your lips.

Joel grins, laughing, and he leans down to capture your lips in a chaste kiss.

"Good girl" he breathes against your mouth, his words a low, rough rumble that has you keening. "That feel good, baby?"

"Fuck, yeah" you sigh, melting into the matress.

"Good,” he says before pressing a kiss to your forehead then pulling back to look you in the eyes again. “ Think you're ready for me now?"

“Mhm,” you murmur with a lazy nod. “Want you, Joel.”

Joel laughs, the sound sweeter than it’s ever sounded before.. "You've got me, sweetheart. You've had me. Always will."

"That's awfully fucking sappy," you tease breathlessly, threading your fingers into his soft dark hair.

"The best fuckin' lay of my life? I haven’t even had one lay. Don't exactly have anything to compare it to."

"Yeah, well, trust me. Best you're ever gonna get.”

You scoff and roll your eyes, raising a brow at him.

"That’s some big talk, cowboy. Let's see if you can live up to that."

Joel barks out a laugh, the sound coming out more like a snarl, his eyes flashing with something feral, predatory, and dangerous at your challenge.

And then he’s abruptly pulling his fingers from you then bringing them up to his lips, his tongue darting out to taste the slick coating his fingers. The sight nearly puts you into cardiac arrest.

"So fuckin' sweet" he murmurs, his eyes slipping closed momentarily, and a low, satisfied hum rumbles in his chest. It's downright obscene, the way his lips wrap around his fingers, how he licks and sucks, cleaning your arousal off of them.

"Joel," you breathe, your voice nothing more than a shaky exhale.

His eyes snap open, and he gives you a lopsided smirk.

"Sorry, baby,” he starts, pulling his fingers from his mouth and wiping them on the blanket underneath you. “Can’t help myself. Just had to taste ya again. Gonna have a hard time not doing that every time,” he finishes with a sly smile.

Every time.

The words are like a shock of electricity shooting through your veins, setting your blood ablaze. Every time. As in multiple times.

How the fuck is this real?

He stupid smirk is still glued to his face as he leans over to rummage around in the drawer of his nightstand. Your brows furrow when he pulls out a condom and goes to open it.

"I...uh..." you start, but the words die in your throat.

"What's wrong?" Joel asks, his smug expression immediately morphing into one of concern.

"I...well...it's just, I'm- I'm on the pill… We can use a condom, but...it's not necessary…just wanted to put that out there. In case, you know…you didn't wanna use one. Since it's not...like, not entirely necessary,” you say quietly, casting your eyes down to where your fingers fiddle with the edge of the blanket.

"Ahh, I see,” Joel responds, all too pleased. “You just want me to raw dog it, huh?”

"Wha-no! Oh my god, Joel, you are so fucking embarrassing," you groan, covering your face with your hands.

"S'okay, honey, don’t be embarrassed. It is all part of the full Joel Miller Experience anyway,” he reassures you with a sickeningly sweet tone..

"Oh my fucking god, I told you not to say that ever again,” you groan, shoving at his shoulder, which only makes him laugh. And you can feel yourself smiling too, despite how irked you are.

"Alright, alright, I'll stop," he relents, still laughing a little. "If you really don't want me to use one, I guess I can make an exception, just for you"

And it's as if he knows that you're about to lash out at him again, because he leans down and presses his lips to yours before you have a chance to say anything, all the fight in you draining away as soon as his mouth is on yours.

"You tell me if you want me to stop,” he whispers when he pulls back. “Or if I do anything you're uncomfortable with, or if you just need a break. You let me know, okay?"

You nod.

"Promise?"

"I promise, Joel. Please just get on with it."

"Impatient" he breathes, but kisses you again nonetheless, soft, slow, and tender. And when he pulls away, his eyes are searching yours like he's looking for any signs of hesitancy. But all he sees is the same raw desire reflected back in your wide, eager eyes.

You see the exact moment that the last vestiges of his self-restraint disappear, his gaze growing darker and hungrier as he pushes himself up to sit back on his knees, one hand around the base of his cock, the other on the inside of your thigh as he tenderly spreads you open and settles himself between your legs.

He teases you of course, dragging his length through your folds, letting the swollen, leaking tip catch on your clit before sliding back down to nudge at your entrance. You whimper, and try to grind against him, but his hand is firm, holding your hip still, not allowing you any friction.

He hushes you softly, his thumb gently stroking the soft, delicate skin where your hip meets your thigh. "Just let me do what I need to do, baby. Let me take care of you.”

"You're evil," you whine, squirming underneath him.

"Yeah, well, that's a matter of opinion" he grunts, your breath hitching when he lines himself up and finally, finally pushes the blunt tip of his cock inside you.

Your lips part on a gasp, the feeling of his thick head stretching you open, the slight burn of the intrusion, a mixture of aching and pure pleasure. And you can feel his eyes practically burning holes in your skin, drinking in every little reaction, every flutter of your lashes, every twitch of your brow.

"How's that?" he asks, his voice tight and strained. He looks just as wrecked as you feel, his jaw tight, a sheen of sweat already on his brow, the muscles in his forearms bulging with the effort of restraining himself.

"More," is all you manage to rasp out, pushing your hips up, trying to get him to sink deeper.

Joel grunts, and then obliges, his eyes screwed shut in concentration as he tries to feed you only a little more of his considerable length. You can see him chewing on his lip, his nostrils flaring, a slight tremble in his thighs, his fingers digging into your skin.

"Jesus fuck, you're tight" he grits out, his chest heaving as he tries to regain some of his composure. "I-I didn't…fuck, I didn't think- shit. God fuckin' damn, baby"

You smile a little, the corners of your lips curling upwards. It's the first time you've ever seen him truly at a loss for words, and it's a very welcome change.

You reach up and card your fingers through his hair, his eyes fluttering closed, a sweet sigh escaping his lips at the feeling.

"I can take more," you say softly.

Joel shakes his head, his brow furrowed. "Not yet."

But you don't listen. Not that you ever really listen to him.

Your impatience gets the best of you and you push yourself further down the bed, forcing another inch of his cock inside you, your walls fluttering wildly around him as you let out a low moan.

"Ah fuck, honey," he groans, his eyes flying open.

"C'mon, Joel. More. Please," you beg, grinding down on his cock, taking just a little bit more with each roll of your hips until his fingers dig into your hips so hard, you're sure they'll leave bruises.

"Baby stop fuckin' movin'" he hisses, his grip tightening even further. "Please."

You can hear the strain in his voice, and you can feel him trembling above you, the muscles in his arms and shoulders flexing and tensing.

"Why not?" you pout.

"Cause m'tryin' not to fuckin' come right now, alright?" he grunts, his teeth gritted. "So please, just stop. For a minute."

"You can't possibly be serious," you breathe, a smile creeping on your face again. "You're not even all the way in yet."

He glares down at you, his eyes narrowing. "Not my fault you're fuckin' tight as shit. It's like your cunt is tryin' to strangle me."

You giggle a little, the sound coming out breathy and light. You don't miss the way Joel's cock twitches at the sound.

"You're being so dramatic," you sigh, rolling your hips again.

"Fuck, honey, please," he begs, his eyes pleading, and the sight is almost enough to make you stop teasing him.

Almost.

You can't help the devilish smirk that crosses your face as you bring your hand up to his cheek, stroking your thumb across the stubble on his chin. He lets his eyes fall closed again, leaning into your touch.

"This isn't very 'best lay your life' behavior."

"I will fuckin' strangle you," he mutters, his eyes still closed, a smile playing on his lips.

"Is that part of the Joel Miller Experience too? Because I don't remember seeing it in the brochure. Was it next to the premature ejaculation section? Or maybe the-"

The air is knocked right out of your lungs, cut off mid-sentence when Joel pushes forward. He keeps it slow but unrelenting, sinking into you in one smooth, fluid motion. You cry out, your back arching off the bed, eyes screwing shut as your fists twist in the blanket underneath you.

It's more than overwhelming, it's absolutely mind melting the way he buries himself completely, stretching your walls, forcing them to make room for him, to mold perfectly around his length. You gasp for air between harsh pants and weak cries, the sensation of him filling you up, so much bigger than you expected, so much thicker than his fingers. You squirm underneath him, trying to get used to the feeling of his tip pressed against your cervix, the pressure building deliciously as the ache radiates from your core through your belly, to the tips of your toes.

"That what you wanted, sweetheart?" he asks, his voice strained and gruff, one hand still gripping your hip as he presses the other into the mattress by your head, holding himself up. "Is that enough for you?"

You struggle to find words, but you're not even sure if there are any in the English language that can convey just how good it feels.

"Uh-huh," you nod, blinking rapidly as the edges of your vision start to blur. "Fuck, Joel. You're so fucking big, oh my god."

You hear him chuckle, and he presses a chaste kiss to your temple.

"Not too much though, is it? Cause you were begging for more just a second ago. Thought you could take it, sweetheart," he croons, nuzzling his nose against your cheek.

"No, no, 'sgood, " you whimper, the words slurring together as he starts to grind into you. "F-fuck. Joel. Shit, that feels so good. Holy fuck.

"There's my good girl," he murmurs, pressing more kisses to your cheek and your jaw, trailing down the column of your neck. His lips brush against the sensitive skin, his breath hot against you. He lets you get used to the feeling, cursing under his breath and trying to think of anything else but the tight, wet heat convulsing around his cock.

"Doesn't hurt?" he asks with a sudden tenderness, his voice vibrating against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine.

"No," you sigh, finally starting to relax around him.

"Good. You gonna let me know if it does, right baby? Or if you need me to stop?"

You nod weakly. "Mhm."

He kisses you then, a soft, languid, and lazy drag of his lips against yours. He slides his tongue along your lower lip, and you let him in without any hesitation, parting your lips with a breathy sigh. He takes the opportunity to swallow down every little sound that spills from your mouth, kissing you with a kind of reverence, a kind of tenderness, a kind of patience and passion that makes your heart feel like it might beat right out of your chest.

He pulls away leaving you even more breathless and dizzy, your lips tingling and swollen. And you're not sure if it's because of the kiss or the way he's stretching you so fucking wide, but your fucking drunk on it.

He kisses you once more, on the corner of your mouth, his lips curling up into a smile when you nuzzle against his cheek, seeking out more.

"You still with me, honey?"

"Yes, yes, I'm here," you answer, your voice sounding far away, distant and dreamy. Joel chuckles, the sound making you smile.

"You wanna keep going, sweetheart? Or d'ya need a minute?"

"I'm good, I'm good," you assure him, trying to lift your hips a little. "You can...keep going."

"Alright. Let me know if you change your mind, okay?"

You nod and then close your eyes, taking a deep, shuddering breath as Joel pulls out, just a little, his cock dragging along your walls. It's another wave of overwhelming sensation, your entire body shaking. But it's nothing compared to the feeling when he pushes back in. The same full, aching, almost painful stretch, except it's somehow even better this time, your walls gripping him tighter, pulling him in, trying to keep him there.

"Fuck, oh my god, oh my god," you cry, your breath catching in your throat, your eyes fluttering open to look up at him. "Oh, Joel, fuck."

He's hovering over you, his brows furrowed in concentration, the muscles in his arms, chest and stomach flexing and contracting as he moves above you.

"Good?" he asks, a slight sheen of sweat on his brow, his eyes hooded.

You answer with a nod, followed by a long, low moan when he starts to slowly pull out again, pushing back in a bit faster this time. He builds a rhythm, the slick drag of his cock filling you up again and again, each thrust a little deeper, a little harder, a little faster.

"You're taking it so good," he pants, his hips snapping against yours with a particularly hard thrust, the force of which has you keening and crying out his name. Your walls clench around him, a gush of slick pouring out around his cock as you subconsciously try to pull him in even further.

"God you're so fucking tight, baby. Fuckin' soaked too, dripping all over me. Fuck. So fucking wet and perfect," he groans, his voice sounding strained, almost like he's in pain. "Such a good fucking girl."

You can't do anything more than just lay there and let him fuck into you, the sounds that spill from your lips a mix of moans, whimpers and desperate little cries. Your brain feels like mush, all thought processes reduced to a single loop of his name, your lips chanting it over and over.

And Joel's not much better, the only coherent words out of his mouth a string of praises, calling you his good girl, telling you how well you're taking him, how fucking tight you are, how heavenly you feel. His hands are everywhere too, caressing, stroking, kneading, squeezing, leaving no inch of your skin untouched.

He finds a steady rhythm and you know it's not nearly as hard as he could go, not by a long shot, but every thrust and drag of his cock hits you so deep and so hard, it's a miracle that you don't shatter beneath him. And the sounds, god the sounds are so obscene, the slapping of skin against skin, the wet, squelching noises of him pounding into your dripping cunt. It's a chorus of pure debauchery, music to both of your ears, only adding to the building pleasure.

And just when you start to think that it can't possibly get any better, he hits a spot deep inside you that has your body bowing, a strangled cry tearing from your throat. You clamp down around him and he curses, his hips stuttering, his rhythm faltering for just a moment.

"There it is," he grunts, and you can hear the smug smirk in his voice, the absolute bastard. "Right there, huh? That the spot?"

He doesn't wait for you to answer, pulling almost all the way out, and then driving back into you, hitting the same spot dead-on. And you keen and wail, your body thrashing wildly as a new wave of ecstasy washes over you.

"Yes, yes, yes," you chant, clawing at his back, digging your fingers into his shoulders.

"Yeah, I got ya," he husks, leaning down to suck and bite at the skin just below your jaw. He keeps pounding into that spot, making sure to hit it every damn time, and your vision starts to blur again, black dots dancing at the edge of your eyes.

You don't even realize you're about to come until it's crashing into you, a sudden and violent wave that threatens to tear you apart. And Joel can tell, from the way you start to shake, the way your walls are clamping down around him, the way your legs lock around his waist, and the way you're desperately gasping for air, that you're right there.

"There you go, sweetheart," he coos. "You're so fucking close aren't ya? I can feel it. You gonna come on my cock? Huh?Gonna let me feel that tight little pussy coming all over me?"

"Oh god, Joel," you sob, tears welling in your eyes, his words alone pushing you even closer.

"I know, honey. I know. Just let go, baby. C'mon, that's it. You can do it."

And then he's snaking a hand between your bodies, his fingers finding your clit and rubbing rough, tight circles against the swollen bud, and the pleasure reaches its peak, the coil in your belly snapping, sending you careening off the edge. Stars burst behind your eyelids as the most intense, powerful orgasm of your life tears right through you. Every muscle in your body tenses and contracts, the rush of blood roaring in your ears as white-hot bliss erupts throughout every fiber of your being, your walls pulsing wildly, gushing slick around his cock.

He's there with you every step of the way, murmuring praise in your ear, fucking into you and grinding his cock against your cervix, prolonging your orgasm, extending it for what feels like an eternity. And then you're boneless, spent, and helplessly limp, barely aware of the way he's still rutting against you.

"So good, baby," he rasps, his voice sounding wrecked and broken. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

And then you feel him start to swell and his thrusts become erratic and you know he's right there with you, teetering on the edge, ready to fall. A few more pumps of his hips, his pace frantic and uncoordinated before he pushes himself back up on his knees and pulls out of you with a hiss. He jerks himself for half a second before spilling all over your belly and your cunt, hot, thick ropes of cum splashing against your skin. He grunts and hisses through clenched teeth, a few last drops spilling out onto your pussy, his cock throbbing against you.

You feel completely and utterly destroyed, every part of your body buzzing and tingling, still trembling. And your head feels stuffy and foggy, a hazy, peaceful kind of bliss settling deep in your bones.

Joel slumps down next to you, breathing heavy, a low, rumbling groan escaping his lips. You glance over at him, a lazy smile tugging at the corners of your lips. He's a sweaty, disheveled mess, and the sight makes your heart ache and swell, a rush of warmth flooding through your body.

He notices you looking at him and turns his head to meet your gaze, his own satisfied smile matching yours. You can't help but laugh, the sound bubbling out of your throat and spilling past your lips in a breathy giggle. Joel's smile spreads even wider, his eyes sparkling.

"What's so funny?" he asks, propping himself up on his elbow and rolling onto his side.

"Nothing, I just," you giggle again, and it's almost a hysterical kind of laugh, a nervous kind of relief flooding through your body. "That was…"

Joel chuckles, brushing a lock of hair out of your face, his fingers trailing across your forehead.

"Yeah, it was," he says, his voice a low rumble.

"And I…I just really like you, Joel. A lot. I don't know. I guess I'm just happy."

His face softens and he stares at you for a moment, his expression so fond and tender that you forget how to breathe for a moment. He leans down and kisses you, his lips gentle and warm before he pulls away.

"I guess I like you too," he murmurs, his signature smirk playing on his lips. "I dunno about a lot, but-"

"Shut up, you ass" you giggle, slapping his shoulder. "I'm trying to have a moment."

He hums delightedly and presses another kiss to your forehead."M'kay, you have your moment. I'm gonna clean you up, alright?"

You pout but let him go, letting the afterglow of your climax envelop you until he returns a moment later with a warm wet cloth. His touch is tender, gently cleaning between your legs and then wiping the cum from your belly. You're still shaking, every touch sending little aftershocks through your body.

"So," he starts, tossing the cloth into the corner of the room before looking at you expectantly. "Best lay of your life?"

You laugh, your heart bursting at the seams, your cheeks starting to hurt from smiling so hard.

"Not even close."

Thank you for reading!! I apologize in advance for any errors I do not enjoy editing!!

tagging those who asked and who might be interested:

@shewantstoknow @pedritoferg @khindahra @wand-erer5 @akah565 @thereaperisabitch @first-edition @lilyevanstan1325 @lovelyjess69 @elliesswearjar @iloveenya @harriedandharassed @c2ss1e @paleidiot @starry-eyes-love @lola8888673 @saguchiya @milla-frenchy @cayleejz @missyorkswhore @farrowroyale @abbyandersonsragdoll @glimmering-darling-dolly @katiexpunk @worhols @thecasualnope @ahintofkiwistrawberry @lulawantmula @sawymredfox @prismaticpizza @serenadingtigers @venturawriter @kyloispunk @millercontracting @jjhayhay20 @bitchesuntitled @bean-is-reading @lvl-2005 @kamcrazy123 @covetyou @survivingandenduring @pinkiec6-rubi @la-vie-est-une-fleur29 @pedroshotwifey @perfectlyfreeanalyst @plsdontmisfire @lokigonnakmsforbucky @kr-ickl3

I will not tag ageless/faceless (no pfp) blogs. If you asked to be tagged and weren't you either did not have an age/pfp or Tumblr wouldn't let me :(

#joel miller smut #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller one shot #joel miller fic #the last of us #tlou fic #joel miller #pedro pascal characters

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percheduphere · 5 months

Text

You know what I would find really hilarious?

CONSIDER:

The Avengers meet God of Stories Loki and Mobius. Mobius is very charming, very folksy. He pours everyone coffee. Makes sure the thermostat in the conference room is at a comfortable temperature. Offers croissants. All the markers of a good host.

The Avengers all like him right away but are wary of Loki. After a comedic abridged version of a TVA infodump, in which Loki and Mobius ping-pong little details and show their whole squabble and tease dynamic, one of Kang's underlings is captured.

MOBIUS: Okay. Think I got a read on this guy. You wanna take a swing at him for intel or should I?

LOKI: I think you should. Y'know, trying out the whole 'good guy' bit.

MOBIUS: Sounds good. Gentlemen's competition. Time me?

LOKI: Of course.

And the Avengers watch as this cozy little human goes in and just EVISCERATES the underling. No weapons. No superpowers. Just WORDS.

The underling is on the floor, in a fetal position, sobbing and begging no more. He spills all the critical information they need. Mobius steps out.

The Avengers are in SHOCK.

BUCKY: (mumuring) ... Jesus Christ ...

HAWKEYE: (whispering) Holy shit, he's scarier than Nat.

MOBIUS: (to Loki) How'd I do?

LOKI: 2 minutes and 43 seconds. Not bad.

MOBIUS: Eh, still haven't beat your record.

LOKI: Well, I do have the advantage of magic. Should I take a handicap?

MOBIUS: Don't insult me.

#loki #mobius #lokius #loki series #fanfic idea

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graves4girls · 7 months

Note

Johnny x celeb reader n there’s a party for other celebs etc. and there’s a bunch of paparazzi, a day or two before Johnny n reader had a quarrel and reader shows up to the party in a revenge dress. basically giving a show for all the paparazzi while avoiding johnny

up to u on how it ends! (sorry if my request didn’t make sense😭😭)

☆ paparazzi | johnny cage

✮ wc. 1.3k ⚠︎ warning(s): fem!reader

lowkey wanna do a nsfw part 2 but idk i'll think abt it ⟡ be sure to check out my work on ao3 → gravesforgirls !!

He'd been pissing you off all afternoon, whining about how you shouldn't have even taken the role because your co-star was way too friendly with you. He'd spam his socials with selfies of the two of you, you'd get swarmed by paparazzi for grabbing a coffee together in between scenes, and there were even rumors floating about that you'd dropped Johnny for him. Of course, all of it was utter bullshit to stir up drama and get clicks, but you didn't think it'd get to Johnny the way it did.

"Oh, c'mon. He was all over you the whole goddamn interview!"

You roll your eyes, pressing a manicured finger to your temple. "Jesus Christ, Johnny, I'm not in the mood for this right now. You know there's nothing going on."

He huffs as you plop down on the edge of the bed to pull off your heels.

"Do I? Cause the more shit that leaks, the more it looks like there is something going on. He's always touching you and shit."

"C'mon Johnny, do you really think I'd cheat on you with some guy I met five months ago?"

He sucks his teeth, staring down at you with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Y'know, I don't really know what to think right now."

You gape at him for a moment, scoffing as you stand from the bed.

"Are you seriously accusing me of cheating on you? Oh my God, you are such an asshole." You move to walk out the door.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"The guest bedroom. Come talk to me when you're done being a dick."

He's still out of the house by the time you're stepping out of the bedroom, the satin of your mini dress hugging every curve perfectly, heels clicking against the shiny tiled floor as you make your way out of the house. You knew he'd be blowing up your phone the minute he gets home and realizes you're gone, but you're too worried about getting to the party on-time to think about it too much, slipping into the sleek black limo parked in front of the house.

You walk down the moonlit street, arm locked around your co-star's as the cameras flash behind the barrier, snapping any and every angle as you wave to the crowd. You stop for a minute to scribble a couple signatures and pose for some selfies before you're escorted into the venue, giggling to the girl clinging to you as you make a bee-line for the bar. You part ways as you lean against the varnished counter, tapping your nails against the wood as you order a drink.

"Hey! I didn't know you were gonna be here!"

You turn to the voice, grinning at him as you pull him into a short hug.

"I wasn't planning on it actually, but there was a little trouble in paradise so…"

He hums softly, giving you a sympathetic nod. "You're still with Johnny?"

You swipe your drink from the counter, taking a sip as you nod. "Yeah, despite what the media thinks. God, I can't believe people actually think I'd ever cheat on him. It really pisses me off."

"Yeah, it's shit. But you're here to have a good time. C'mon."

You roll your eyes with a small laugh as he pulls you away from the bar, letting him drag you into the crowd.

You're posed for a photo op when your phone buzzes in your clutch, and you can already guess who it is as you step away to check the notification.

where are you 8:05 p.m.

You close the message with a sigh, tucking your phone away to join your friends back in the booth.

You hadn't noticed the constant buzzing of your phone as you go about the rest of the night, too busy dancing to pay attention to the device. It's only when you step away to touch up your makeup in the bathroom that you pull out your phone, sighing at the onslaught of messages that cover your lock screen.

where are you 8:35 p.m. where are you 9:03 p.m. are you still mad at me 9:42 p.m. missed call 10:01 p.m. call me 10:04 p.m. missed call 10:16 p.m. missed call 10:36 p.m. please call me 10:53 p.m. missed call 11:04 p.m. are you okay? 11:05 p.m.

You're about to turn your phone off when it buzzes again, and you huff out a small sigh as you answer the call, eyeing your nails as his voice cuts through the phone.

"Jesus Christ, why don't you answer your goddamn phone? I've been texting you all night. Where are you?"

You lean over the sink to prod at your makeup in the mirror. "Relax, babe. I was busy."

You can hear him grumble something under his breath. "Relax? My girlfriend disappears and doesn't answer the phone for four hours and I'm not supposed to get worried?" He pauses for a second. "Is that music? Where the hell are you?"

You roll your eyes, fixing your hair.

"I'm at a party, Johnny. Am I not allowed to go out alone?"

"No, I just would've liked a heads-up that you were gonna be out so I didn't freak out. Are you coming home soon?"

You hum as you think for a moment.

"Probably not, so don't wait up for me. I gotta go."

"Wait, are you–"

You hang up before he can finish his sentence, grinning at your friends as you emerge from the bathroom.

You're sat on one of the uncomfortable bar stools when you feel a tap on your shoulder, and your expression tightens as you turn around.

"What are you doing here?"

He gives you a look, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Can we talk for a second?"

You glance between your friends and his cute little frown, sighing as you slip off the stool.

"Make it quick."

He ushers you away from the crowd and out one of the back entrances, eyeing your outfit for a moment before he speaks.

"Since when do you go to these kinds of parties?"

"Since tonight. Why do you care so much that I'm here? It's not like you never go to parties." You lean back against the cool brick of the building, mirroring his posture.

"Look, if this is about last night, I'm sorry. Those stupid rumors got to me and I was being an asshole. I was planning on going out to dinner tonight actually, but obviously that fell through..." He steps closer to wrap a hand around your waist, the other tucking some hair back. "Can we just go home and go to sleep? I really don't want you to be mad at me."

You push his hand down with a small scoff, but you lean into his chest as you stare up at him. "You're so stupid. C'mere."

Your hands come up to cup the sides of his face, pressing a short kiss to his lips that he chases, pressing you against the wall as his other hand settles over your hip. Your arms curl around his neck to pull him impossibly closer, fingers combing through his short hair as he hums against your lips. He draws back for a second to run his eyes all over your figure, raising an eyebrow as you let a small grin pull at your lips.

"Where'd this pretty little thing come from?"

He leans in to drop a couple kisses to your throat, hands slipping over your hips to grab at your ass through the silky satin.

"I was saving it for a special occasion."

You tug at his hair to pull him away, sticking a quick kiss to his lips as you push a hand against his chest. "Let's get out of here before we get caught."

#j.cage #johnny cage #johnny cage x reader #mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #mk #mk1

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half-oz-eddie · 4 months

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Billy's been living with the Byers-Hopper family for almost 4 months. He still isn't very receptive to Joyce or Jim's gentler parenting methods, nor does he understand why Will and El keep bugging him to play as if he's some super fun guy to be around.

Jonathan doesn't bother him too much. Sometimes they smoke weed together and run errands together, but they don't exactly hang out and that's fine with Billy.

On Christmas morning, he wasn't expecting much. He thought he'd sit in the corner and watch everyone else open gifts while he was excluded, because that was what he was used to.

But it didn't go that way. Joyce invited Steve over for Hot Chocolate and presents, which, to Billy's surprise, he received many of. Steve bought him a new watch, El made him an ashtray, Will drew a poster for his bedroom, and Joyce and Jim...well, they gave him a big red box with a bow on it.

Billy slowly opened the box, his brows furrowing at the little shaking furball inside.

"A puppy?" He chuckled. "You got me a puppy?"

"He's a rescue from the animal shelter." Joyce smiled. "And you know what? His name's Billy too! It's almost like fate!"

Billy didn't hate dogs, but he didn't really care about having one very much either. "Gotta admit, you're pretty cute, though." He smirked at the puppy. "Guess you're mine, now."

2 days after Billy got little Billy, he caught him chewing on his shoes and he shouted at him.

"No! Don't chew on my shoes! The hell's the matter with you?"

The puppy cowered in a corner, whimpering and Billy sighed, remembering how frightened he was when he would get yelled at.

"Shit. I'm sorry. You're just a puppy, you probably don't know any better." He sighed, kneeling down and reaching out a gentle hand for little Billy. "Look, pup, you can't chew on shoes, alright? Bad." He pointed to the shoe. "Not food. No."

Little Billy cocked his head to the side, then peed on the floor.

"Jesus Christ." He whispered to himself. "Listen. You can't piss on my floor, and you can't chew my stuff, alright? We can't share space like this if you're gonna tear up my stuff." He lifted little Billy and brought him to the newspaper on the floor. "Pee here." He pointed to the wet spot on the floor. "No. Bad. Not for peeing."

Eventually, Little Billy understood to pee on the paper and not on the floor. Billy tried to take him out for walks, but little Billy refused to go outside.

"I don't like leaving the room much either, pup. But you can't be afraid of what's out there, okay? How about I carry you?" Billy offered, putting his arms out for the puppy.

Little Billy jumped into his arms and Billy zipped him up into his jacket. "Let's go."

Billy took little Billy outside and showed him the neighborhood. "That's a tree. You can piss on as many of those as you want. If you pee on it, it's yours. Sounds good, right? And that's a car. I have one of those. I'll let you ride in mine when you stop pissing everywhere, deal? And that's...that's Steve."

"Don't you 2 look cozy?" Steve smiled as he approached.

"Yeah, he was too scared to walk around on his own. He's pretty jumpy. I think he was abused in his old home."

"Probably, yeah."

"I yelled at him this morning and he got scared. Made me feel like shit. I remember getting yelled at like that when I was little. I'm trying to be nicer so I don't scare him."

"That's really sweet of you, babe. You're such a good guy."

"I don't wanna be like him—Y'know...my dad. I wanna be different."

"You are. I don't think Neil would have a puppy tucked into his jacket like a proud father swaddling a baby, would he?"

Billy laughed. "Probably not."

"You two are a perfect match."

"Why's that? Because I was an abused rescue too?"

"Well—No. You're a hero. Little Billy needed a hero too."

Billy smiled. "Let's go back home. I'll get us all some lunch."

#abuse mention #adopted billy #billy hargrove #harringrove #ivy.doc #merry crisis

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deeply-unserious-fellow · 4 months

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HOLY FUCKING SHIT HAZBIN WAS SO FUCKING GOOD IM GOING INSANE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKENFKCMKWJRKFNSMSMDMSMDN-

Okay. Okay deep breaths. Time for some cool and collected comentary. Okay.

Putting it under the cut so ppl can avoid spoilers :)

HUSK USED TO BE AN OVERLORD!?!?!?!?!? HELLO!?!?!?!?!? FUCKIN PLOTTWIST OF THE CENTURY WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?

Huskerdust my beloved

SIR PENTIOUS MY BELOVED

Vox was great. I love him he's so fucking cool-

If Vox wasn't already a Tumblr sexyman he's definitely gonna be one now. He's so fucking Onceler coded it's insane.

Velvette was amazing too. It's so funny that she's British lmao I was not expecting that

Velvette is also very Anne Boelyne(like from SIX not from Real Life) coded it's wild. Her part in that song with Carmila was giving so much Don't Lose Your Head

I swear I'll stop comparing them to other characters I SWEAR

Okay but me and my brother are working on a Hazbin Hotel swap AU where we swap the main cast with the overlords and in that AU we swapped Husk and Vox. The Husk used to be an overlord reveal is gonna make that AU soooooo much easier lmao

ADAM IS REALLY GOOD I promised I would stop comparing to other characters but he was giving SO MUCH Hades from Disney's Hercules like its insane

I think we should let Alex Brightman sing rocj and roll more often that song was such a fucking BANGER

SPEAKING OF THE SONGS- oh my god I love the soundtrack so fucking much-

Stayed Gone was a lil less hype then I was expecting but thats okay cuz it was still a banger and I loved the visuals

That song battle between Carmilla and Velvette????? Oh my god??????

Carmilla and Vaggie's song was also amazing but I think I know why they didn't have Stephanie Beatriz sing her own song in Elena of Avalor y'know, girl cannot hold a character voice while singing

LOSER WAS SO FUCKING GOOD- I love Huskerdust so much. I love Keith David so much. Blake Roman is such a phenomenal Angel Dust.

SPEAKING OF all the voice actors are amazing. Blake Roman, Brightman as Pentious and Joel Perez were the ones I was the most worried abt but I loved all their preformances so much it was fucking fantastic

Valentino can go die in a fucking hole <3

The other Vees are cool and fun to watch but I hope Valentino fucking dies

Okay to be fair he's also fun to watch when he's not in the same room as Angel Dust but tHAT DOESNT SUPERSEID MY HATRED FUCK 👏 THAT 👏 GUY 👏👏👏👏

Speaking of the Vees tho I do love their dynamic

My favorite episode was probably Radio Killed the Video Star bcuz of mY BOYS PENTIOUS AND VOX!!!!!!!!

And the most painful episode to watch was- no surprise- Masquerade

That episode was a fucking rollercoaster Jesus fucking Christ...

Those scenes with Angel and Valentino where so fucking visceral... like. Who the fuck wrote that. Who are you. Are you okay. Do you need help-

Tho I'm not sure abt how they're handling the ah- more serious bits of Angel's character. It is WAYYYYYY to early to tell and I think Loser wasn't like. Trying to downplay the situation. But the writers better have been careful moving foreward bcuz I can def see a world where Angel's arc goes very wrong very fast-

Also while we're criticizing: wasn't a fan of the pacing. Especially in episode two. Like I can look past it, but the way they breeze past some plot points kinda bugged me

Otherwise it was sooooooo fucking good man oh my god

THE HUMOR WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN PPL MAKE IT OUT TO BEEEEEE PPL NEED TO STOP SHITTING ON THE COMEDY IN THESE SHOWS MAN-

The gag where Niffty just fucking stopped thinking every time the camera turned on was so fucking good

Niffty in general was really fuckin funny

Alastor was a lot less prominent of a character then I thought he would be but tbh I think that's for the best. He's like Discord from My Little Pony, fun in small doses but if you don't set perameters for how often he appears and when he's willing to help it kinda breaks the show

Chaggie is adorable and I love them <3

I think this show does a really good job balancing the focus on the whole cast! These first 4 episodes seem to be pretty Charlie, Angel and kind of Vaggie heavy but everybody still gets their fair share of attention!

THE ANIMATIOJ OH MY GOD- IT WAS FUCKING PHENOMENAL IM LOSING MY M I N D

Im going feral IM GOING FERAL THIS EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS AKFNVKKENFEKFNDN

I love comedy. I love musicals. I love drama. I love silly characters. I LOVE ANIMATION!!!!!!!

It's like the South Park movie but longer and better animated and IVE BEEN WAITING FOUR FUCKING YEARS-

Just. So excited overall. Can't wait to see where it goes. May make more posts abt my thoughts in tbe future.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin spoilers #<- just to be safe #hazbin husk #angel dust #huskerdust #sir pentious #hazbin vox #hazbin velvette #hazbin adam #carmilla carmine #vaggie #hazbin valentino #hazbin niffty #hazbin alastor #charlie morningstar #chaggie

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keeksandgigz · 4 months

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painkiller (part three of lessons in alchemy)

barista!eddie munson x fem!barista!reader AU

summary: After a rocky start, you and Eddie seem to be turning over a new leaf, but a small misunderstanding is sure to change that. You help set up the cafe for the Halloween party, which you end up going to after much begging by Colette, you try to make Eddie jealous and a healthy dose of liquid courage helps things get sentimental.

cw: 4k words, jealous!eddie, swearing, allusion to smut, reader being essentially a sensitive baby, some miscommunication, eddie being a softie for reader, no y/n, no physical description of reader, boys being silly, mention of throwing up/ retching, drinking (everyone is of age), it gets a little bit fluffy towards the end

read part 1 here, part 2 here

if you wanna be added to my taglist the form is here

"You guys fucked??" Colette's voice booms in the car.

"Jesus Christ, Colette, the whole freeway didn't need to know that. And no, we didn't fuck" you take the exit that brings you into Daisy Street, the one towards the cafe.

"Then what? Steve keeps talking about how you guys look at each other like you wanna run to the back and fuck like bunnies" she nudges at you and you roll your eyes.

"Remind me to ask Steve to drive you to work next time, since you guys are such good friends" you smile at her.

"Yeah, whatever, so what happened?" she nibbles at her bagel.

You take a deep breath in. There are no secrets between you and Colette. "Well, he... spanked me" you hear her gasp, without giving her time to start talking you keep going; "Then he took me to his office and fingered me, but he didn't let me um...finish because I wouldn't apologize to him. Then he drove me home" you say, all in one breath.

"You kinky bitch" she laughs, a hearty laugh. After she comes down from her fit, she continues, almost like a phantom hand slapped some sense into her. "But what an asshole! Because you wouldn't apologize to him? And he drove you home?"

"I swear he's so confusing. He wouldn't let me take the bus." You just got your car back after two days without it because of a leak. You pull up into the parking lot.

"Shit, he's outside" you whisper. He's sitting on the curb, cigarette in hand, scrolling through his phone. Something tells you he isn't there to make drinks today. His hair is down and he's wearing chunky rings in both hands. You’re lucky I didn’t have my rings on. With the way you’ve been running your mouth you would’ve more than deserved it.

As much of an asshole as he is, you've been replaying the night before on a loop for the whole morning. You swallow.

"Too late to turn back and make a run for it" Colette quips as you park the car as further as possible from him.

"So what, do I just go in like 'Hey fancy seeing you here, remember when your fingers were in me last night?' or do I just ignore him?" you groan as you open your car door, grabbing your bag and jacket.

"Maybe wait for him to speak to you? I dunno. He should apologize, that was fucked" Colette says, closing the car door.

You both walk towards the cafe's front door. Eddie catches your eye immediately. Fuck it, your shift wouldn't start until two- thirty.

"Col, I'll meet you inside. Thanksgiving menu is launching soon, Steve'll have your head if you don't walk in right this second" you joke, she just nudges your shoulder and winks at you, as she disappears inside the cafe.

"Y'know" Eddie speaks, taking a long drag out of his cigarette "you shouldn't gossip about me when I can hear you from around the corner. I take it she knows?" he exhales a cloud of smoke, making you take a ragged breath at the way the smoke falls from his lips.

"Maybe you shouldn't overhear my conversations. Ever thought about that? And so what if she knows? Steve probably knows too" you spit.

"I usually don't tell Steve about the girls I fuck. Last night wasn't even a fuck, really. I just showed you what was so incredibly obvious to the naked eye, sweetheart" he puts the cigarette to his lips again.

"Which is?" you don't have patience for the slow drawl of his voice, sounding like he's just woken up. The way his fingers wrap around the cigarette, his lips puckering up as he sucks into the filter. You shiver.

"That we wanna fuck each other. Don't tell me that you're not looking at me and not thinking about what I did to you last night" Gotcha. He smiles around the cigarette.

"You really do think too highly of yourself" you sit on the curb, keeping a distance between you two.

"I've been thinking about last night the whole morning" he blurts out, putting his cigarette out on the sole of his boots “It was good, but you were kind of a bitch about me not letting you cum. Maybe you should rethink about apologizing” he smirks towards you.

“Well, I don't think last night should have happened at all" you shrug, pretending like the way he's playing with his chain bracelet isn't affecting you. He turns towards you.

"Is that so?" he says, voice a bit lower, gravelly. You inhale, then nod.

He takes out a stack of black papers from a folder in his messenger bag, you take the chance to change the subject.

"What's that?" you ask, trying to peek over the the wall of black posters.

"The posters for the Halloween party next week. My friend Nancy just designed and printed them out for me. I scheduled you on Friday to come in and help with decorating, I'll pay you extra, since it's not in your job description. I'll talk to Jim about it" it's a lie, he just wants to spend more time with you.

"Am I required to come to this thing?" you interject, taking one of the posters in your hands, it's very well designed.

"Well, no. But the staff is invited anyway and I'm gonna be at the bar making free drinks, once a year we turn our bad boy coffee bar into a, y'know bar bar" he says, a movement of his ringed hand follows it.

"Oh, so you're a bartender too? What concoction are you gonna brew for this party, Mr. Alchemist?" you ask, chin propped on your hands. A flirtatious lilt to the way you talk, you bat your eyelashes.

"Guess you gotta come to find out" he winks and stands up, opening the side door to his van.

"Where are you going?" you ask, squinting to look at his face, the sun in your eyes.

"These posters aren't gonna hang themselves around town, are they? I just came here to hang one on the bulletin board and one on the door. Wanna come?"

You're not sure how to feel. He's suddenly being nice to you? And you wanna say yes so badly for some reason, maybe because you're tired of fighting with him and he seems like an actually cool person to be around?

"My shift starts in five minutes" you say, standing up and dusting off your butt.

He shrugs his shoulders "Consider this your shift? You're still technically helping me with the cafe" his tone is bordering a whine, can this man be that desperate to want you to come with him?

You really are pondering your options, it doesn't feel normal that you'd want to go with him instead of a chill shift without Eddie Munson's hovering eyes.

"You coming or not? And the pun was intended" he chuckles to himself as you hit him in the arm.

"You're an asshole" Alright, fuck it.

"You win" you grumble, jumping on the passenger seat of his van. The same van you were in the night before, cursing the man because he had left you unsatisfied.

In the back of the van there are stacks of boxes full of prints. You reach for the black poster he was holding earlier.

"What's 'Corroded Coffin'?"

"The band I'm in" he says, a creeping smile on his lips. Nonchalant, like he hadn't dropped a heavy piece of Eddie lore.

"'Kay so, you're a barista, a bartender, a business owner and you're in a band?!" eyes wide in disbelief as a smug expression appears on the boy's lips.

"The four b's, baby" he laughs "Me, Jeff, Gareth and another dude have been in this band since high school, tried to strike out but uhhhh different plans I guess" his shoulders rise and fall in a shrug.

"Lemme guess, you're the drummer?" you ask, finding yourself oddly at ease as he drives the car around town.

He shakes his head, his ratty curls moving around his face "Lead guitar and singer" lips pulled taut in a thin smile, face scrunched up.

"Shut the fuck up, I hate you! That's why you're so fucking slappable" he laughs at your comment as he thrums his ringed fingers along with Love me like a Reptile on the steering wheel. You gulp.

"That's why you're so good with your fingers, then?" it escapes you before you can even register what your brain is computing, but he's turning on his indicators to pull over, because he's quite literally doubled over with laughter.

"Jesus I did a number on you, didn't I sweetheart?" he says in the midst of his fit, and you can feel yourself getting hot, embarrassed, like he's making fun of you.

You really thought that things between you two had smoothed over, but the way he's laughing at you has your cheeks growing in anger, the cockiness exuding from him doesn't spur you on or stoke whatever fire you're kindling, rather it makes you feel humiliated.

You grab your bag and coat, immediately opening the latch to the door of his van. Eddie stops laughing immediately.

"Wait, what are you doing?" he asks, head jerking towards you.

“If you’re gonna be an asshole about it, then you can hang your fucking posters by yourself. I’m going back to the store to do what I am actually paid for. Fuck you, Eddie” and he barely has time to reply before you slam the door of his van and you book it back towards the cafe.

The shift feels uneventful, until Colette and Steve take you to the kitchen to sample the menu for the party.

The boy fixes the glasses on his nose as he shows you strawberry brain jellies, spider falafels, mini spiderweb pizzas, and the sketch of a big Halloween cake.

“That was Steve’s idea, actually. It’s blueberry and cream cheese filling on one tier and then I think custard on the second one. You’re gonna die, Steve’s custard is actually to die for” and he blushes at that, a quick brush of his face as his eyes twinkle at the compliment.

Steve and Colette have been spending a lot of time together after all, you chuckle to yourself as you reach for the spoons with the cream filling samples. Colette was not wrong, that custard is an incredible explosion of lemon and milk and vanilla, you're astounded that Steve and Colette were able to pull this off in such a short time.

There isn't much you can tell them, as their culinary talent greatly exceeds yours, wondering why they didn't ask Eddie to do the tasting, who seemed nowhere to be found for the rest of your shift.

On Friday, he seems to be quite busy with various movers and decoration people to even pay attention to you as Jeff stands on a ladder with you yelling "higher!" every time he tries to hang a string of lights.

"Well, I'm a barista, not a fucking architect" he yells from atop of the ladder, as Gareth rolls out a bunch of boxes sitting in a cart.

"What's that?" you ask, still making Jeff mess with the purple string lights “to the right, man!”

You hear him groan.

"Our twelve- foot skeleton" he replies, taking the plastic parts out "good thing our ceilings are tall" he snickers as Jeff finishes setting up the lights and comes down.

"Why the fuck do you have a twelve- foot skeleton?" you lean against the ladder, watching him take the bone parts out of the boxes and setting up the first few bits.

"Eddie thought it would be hilarious if we got one our first year of doing these Halloween parties. We usually get the skeleton something stupid to wear, this year it's a giant clown nose" he laughs as you move the ladder towards him to help facilitate the building of this fucking monster of a decoration.

By the time night rolls, the coffee machines have been removed for the party and replaced with liquors, spirits, glasses and shakers.

Finally Eddie comes out of his office, hair mussed out of his messy bun, eyes puffy and tired as his eyes widen at the decorated party room around him.

Red, orange and purple lights hang around the perimeter of the walls, along with orange tulle fabric and various decorations on the theme of bats, skeletons and pumpkins. The twelve- foot skeleton stood tall in that stupid clown nose, at which he laughed at. He shot you a pained look before leaning on the bar counter.

“Wow you guys, you’ve really outdone yourselves this year” he mutters, taking a close look around at all the decorations.

“It was the girls, really, they’ve just been bossing us around the whole day” Gareth responds “we’ve just been their lackeys” he laughs.

“Regardless of that, I just wanted to thank you all for the splendid job, we should be expecting around 150 people in here tomorrow night, hope you guys are ready to party. Now get the fuck out of here” Eddie says as he motions for you and everyone else to leave as the guys protest “go get some rest, it’s literally midnight”

There’s a clamor of voices as you vacate the cafe, discussing costumes for the party, how fucked up everyone’s gonna get- Eddie being the last to leave and lock the door.

Before heading to his van, though he surpasses you, walking to your car.

“I trust you’ll be there tomorrow? You must be fun at parties, right?” he snickers, you roll your eyes.

“Sorry, Ed, previous engagement I have to attend to. Devastated to be missing the party of the decade, I’ll send a postcard” you unabashedly lie, there’s no reason you should be going to that party.

You give him a sour smile and head towards your car, as he stands stunned in the middle of the parking lot.

Without much ceremonies, you and Colette get in the car.

“Are you actually not going tomorrow?” your friend is outraged, a betrayed tone tinging her words.

“I dunno, I really don’t wanna see Eddie’s stupid face, plus I don’t have a costume” you shrug, entering the freeway.

You could do what you’ve always done since college- a sexy cat, make Eddie sizzle a bit, an unspoken revenge towards that unsatisfactory night where he refused to push you off the edge.

You don’t know what this is, whatever game you both are playing, a never ending tug of war of power and stupid fucking remarks at the expense of one another- why can’t you just sleep with him and get it over with?

“I’ll get you a fucking costume, babe! Just please come, Steve is being really weird to me and trying to ask me out, I’ll buy you lunch, dinner- anything” she begs, and you don’t see why Steve asking her out should be an issue, he’s handsome and the way he looks at her and the way she talks about him seems to be special, something you’ve never had in a person.

“Colette, I honestly do not see the problem in Steve trying to ask you out. You like him!” you bang your hands on the steering wheel in frustration, why can’t anything ever be easy?

“I like him in the sense that I want to fuck him, not go out with him. Besides, Gin isn’t going and Chrissy has a midterm Monday so she’s gonna have to dip early. Do you really wanna leave me in the middle of a pool of nerdy men?” she’s whining and pleading with you, it almost makes you fold. Almost.

“C’mon, I wouldn’t dream of doing that to you” she bats her big eyes, and she’s right, she wouldn’t do that to you because she knows that men put you off, being surrounded by them even so.

“Alright, fine, and you don’t have to get me a costume. Sexy cat is the way to go” you grin at her as she gets out of the car blowing you a kiss.

“I love love love you, I’ll see you tomorrow” Colette runs inside after that.

You can’t say no to her.

And that’s why you find yourself in the midst of countless amounts of people, a third martini and a couple shots in and Colette is nowhere to be found.

Eddie, on the other hand, is at the bar. Tight, black, form fitting shirt, his face looking pale and pasty as a rivulet of what looked like fake blood dripped out of his mouth. You could only see it when he smiled, but he had glued fake fangs on his incisors- a vampire, how original.

You approach him at the bar, mind already loosened and buzzed, as he’s pouring a drink out.

“Was expecting something more original than a vampire from you” you scream over the music. A smile creeps on his lips, and you have to admit, the fangs are really doing it for you.

“I was expecting nothing less from you, though.Thought you weren’t coming?” he leans against the bar counter, his arms flexing from the exertion of shaking drinks for the past hour and a half. You stare, and he’s sure you are.

“Didn’t wanna come, Colette begged me to save her from Steve asking her out, so now I’m here” you take one last swig out of your martini glass “that’s really good, actually, can I have another one?”

Eddie shakes his head “Steve’s asking Colette out? When was this?”

You shrug “apparently it’s been going on for a while. Honestly, I don’t know how she does it, I would not be able to resist Steve’s cute little puppy eyes” and here it is. The drunken ramble.

“Honestly I don’t know how you all do it, I’d be ogling at Steve and not getting any work done, actually. Have you seen his arms?” you giggle, maybe at an attempt to make Eddie jealous, maybe because those were your actual thoughts.

Either way, that made Eddie’s stomach turn in a way that he wasn’t liking. How you were staring at Steve, in his Marty McFly costume, the tight pants and the coiffed hair- biting your lip like you weren’t talking about his best friend.

He chalked it up to drunkenness, the intoxication vivid on your blushy cheeks, as jealousy bubbled in the back of his mind, a small version of himself in his head wishing you’d talk about him like that.

“Yeah, I’m not making you any more martinis” he says, a dry chuckle escaping him.

“Boo, first you don’t make me cum and then you take the martinis away from me? You’re an absolute bore, Eddie Munson” and you fake yawn with that, a silly laugh follows it.

“Sweetheart, you might not want to talk about that in a room full of people” he leans against the counter, and his fangs are looking really good in the glistening purple party lights.

“Are you suggesting we go somewhere private to talk about it?” you wiggle your eyebrows, which makes Eddie’s eyes roll.

Taking care of your drunk self for the rest of the night is the last thing he wants to do.

“No, I’m suggesting you go home. You’re drunk” he yells, shaking another drink and pouring it into a cup.

“I’m actually fine, thank you. I’m gonna go talk to Steve” pettily you stand up, turning away from him and booking it towards Steve, who is trying to talk to Colette.

You don’t make it far, though as you go back to the bar wobbling, stomach churning with bile threatening to leave your mouth.

“Eddie, I don’t feel so good” and he damns himself for how fast he comes around the bar to drag you to the employee bathroom.

You’re kneeled on the black tile, dress hiking up your thighs as Eddie holds your hair as you fight for your life bent over the toilet.

Eddie’s hand is running up and down your spine, the thin shirt making you feel every ridge and callus, as he feels your back flex and relax with every retch.

“It’s okay, let it out” he says, every time you tense up. You’re sobbing in between.

Cries of “I’m sorry, Eddie” and “It’s okay, I got it, you can go” echo in the tiled room, but he stays. His hand firmly planted on your back, caressing, a stoic expression on his face when you emerge, finally done and a bit more clear- headed.

“You good to stand up?” he asks, you nod meekly as he hooks his arms around yours, holding you up to walk to the sink. He opens the cabinet and takes out a little bottle of mouthwash, still holding an arm around you to help you stand.

“Wash your mouth, then take some of this” you watch him bewildered as he opens the faucet, and you lean over the sink, the fresh water is a relief against the acidity your taste buds have had to endure, not caring that it would wipe some of your makeup off.

“‘M sorry, Eddie” you mumble in a whine, between gurgling the tap water and spitting it out.

“It’s okay, I’ll drive you home after this” he says, as he turns off the faucet and feeds you the blue liquid, watching you rinse and gargle it, spitting it out.

“I’m okay now” you sigh, defeat in your voice as you escape from his grasp to sit down on the tiled floor.

Concern tinges his face as he runs to sit next to you “Do you have to throw up again?” you shake your head.

He looks at you, eyes glossy and a bit teary, your nose and cheeks reddened from the alcohol, or from the exertion of throwing up, your lips swollen. God, he really wants to kiss you.

“Thank you, Eddie” it’s a whisper, ashamed as you look at him. Fangs and all, with the bright white fluorescents hitting him, hair mussed up and sweaty and a look in his eyes that makes you soften a bit.

“Yeah, it’s- uh- no problem” he mumbles, he sees you shiver. He wants to put an arm around you, give you his jacket that he left in his office, but he wouldn’t dare leave you for fear of you leaving him and not coming back.

So you just hold yourself flush against him, he’s still warm from the crowded room of bodies and smells like a smoky cologne, leathery with a hint of coffee. The fluorescent lights buzz and it’s the only sound in the bathroom and he tries to fight the urge to not put an arm around you, but when he does, you look at him. Big brown eyes staring into yours, bewildered and a little relieved, you haven’t run away yet.

The makeup around your eyes is a bit smudged from the sobbing, stray glitter under your bottom eyelashes, he silently puts his thumb on it, getting black make-up and glitter all over his finger as his hand rests on your cheek. You blink.

The breath in his chest is trapped, waiting with bated breath for you to come to your senses, leave him angry on the bathroom floor, like you did a few days before.

Instead you stay, as you move in and kiss him.

taglist: @reidsbtch, @vintagehellfire, @fckyeahlames, @lavendermunson, @sunnythefriendlyghost, @onegirlmanytales, @aphrogeneias, @cryingglightningg, @munsonsuccubus, @strangereads, @gothvamp1973, @boomitsallie1, @thottywizard, @ali-r3n, @reysorigins, @yunirgo, @stqrgirl3, @neville-is-my-husband, @keikoraven, @minorlystuck13, @seexyyprincess, @sunnythespookyghost, @capricornrisingsstuff, @mandyjo8719, @xxhellfirebunnyxx, @hellfirenacht, @str4ngergirlw0rld, @strangerstilinski,

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #stranger things #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson smut #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x you #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #barista!eddie munson #barista!eddie munson x barista!reader #stranger things au #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson au #eddie munson series

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defectivefanboy · 1 year

Note

Hey there! I’ve read a few of your posts now and I truly enjoy your writing, you’re very good at it ^^

I was wondering if I could request an Alastor x gender neutral reader who is similar to Beetlejuice (personality and power wise). Like, how did he feel about them at first? And how did it progress into more of a relationship.

If not, that’s completely alright! I hope you have a great rest of your day <3

~ 🕷️🕸️

yessir!! this is actually the first time (and second for good measure) that I watched Beetlejuice fully through.

Overall notes: Stories written on this blog are GN until specified. While this story uses they/them pronouns, and I don't mind female readers on my blog, I do not write for y'all, and if you are a fetishizer fuck off????????????????? ew.

C/W: Cursing, Mentions of Pervertedness, its Beetlejuice, You're canonical Jesus Christ /j, or am I?, Dark humor, Possessive Alastor, Mentions of Bite marks, Dirt ball reader, just reader being gross here and there, nothing too much, youre Beetlejuice, reader has universal rizz

Notes: If you read the C/W warnings it was real late leave me alone. you'll understand when you get there. writing this my mind kept straying and just wanted to write Alastor love because god holy fuck I love him. Im an actual slut for domestic alastor I could write him all day.

The Radio Show...

Oh he's truly interested in you. Not remotely romantic or even platonically, but he is interested (at least at first)

Lets be real quick, he knows hes in hell, but what IN the hell is he looking at.

And what was that outfit you were wearing??? Did you just get out of prison prom???

But your first meeting with him was... interesting to say the least

But then again I think all your interactions are interesting (always more, never less)

But damn. He just had to think the 'sinner' was new to hell and could easily get a quick bite

Poor Alastor really thought the 'sinner' that looked around hell like a lost child as he strolled up with his uncanny smile

Last thing he expected was a jumpy, sporadic, and unfortunately a bit more then a little bit of a pervert.

The record stopped more than a few time at your comments–- Sorry Alastor.

And it had only been a few minutes of meeting you (rip)

And to be honest with you. come here. little closer

He did not know what in all of hell you were trying to pitch to him

He couldn't even get a word in with how fast you talked

And how many voices you did, you basically had a conversation to yourself.

"Ghost can't even scare humans away anymore, pfft. Can't you believe that shit. The last jack offs wouldn't even call me, I had to get some human girl to do it. Is it weird it happened twice? Second time her mom was dead! Gets funnier each time."

Oh?

Humans?

Now you have his interest

And you were able to travel to the human world

"So you're a hell born demon then, correct?" Alastor asked quirking a brow at the questionable individual in front of him, who quickly stopped talking to, well, themselves and snapped their head to him. They seemed to had just gotten here... or gotten back, as their clothes were slightly tussled and their hair was flying everywhere

With a quick dusting of your clothes you straightened your posture. Clearing your throat you spoke in a flat monotone voice. "Well, no actually, uhm, I was born in a manger inside of a barn, my mother, was a virgin and my step father Jospeh was a real piece of work let me tell you that. Died for your sins, y'know, should be thanking me."

This is the first time the radio show had gone radio silent... before he walked away.

Alastor had met a lot of demons, probably killed even more.

Hell he has even put up with that horny spider, but this was the first time he had to take a breather from another sinner? demon? enigma?

But damn it all to hell, he was curious

He had been for so long and he had only interacted with lower hellborn demons.

The occasional Goetia or hell royal would make a public appearance, but that that was all.

Never had he interacted with someone who went from hell to the human world on the daily

The first few meetings he truly tried to keep his distance, keyword tried

But you can only keep a person who teleports around at a distance for some long

Though it to end in you being pushed back by his microphone when you got a bit too close on accident more often then not

But overall he enjoys each of your meetings, enjoy being used loosely

He was more interested in the ever changing world of humans

You only get as knowledgeable of the new world as it comes in, but you have to find them

So having a way to always keep updated he truly enjoyed.

He kinda saw you as, well, while he would say a mole, as you get him information

Not that you honestly realize, you kinda just talk about random shit

He sees you as well, as uh, ahem...

"Quite the squirrelly fellow you are, aren't you?" He quipped with a smile on his face. The both of you walking along one of the many roads of hell as you talked about your latest excursion to the human world. Giving him a confused look you gave him a side eye a you spoke. "Now, what do you mean by that, hm? I don't storage tree nuts in my cheeks, I storage metal nuts in them." Taking your hand you drug into your cheek and pulled out a rusted nut before offering it to him. In which he squatted away with his microphone.

"No."

Alastor in or out of a relationship now seems like the calm one out of the pair whenever you two are together

And he always has a tilt to his head whenever he's with you as if he's always curious about your next move (well bc he honestly is)

Getting into a relationship is simple to him, but not to you.

He had to explain a few times (many times) to you that you two were on a date while out. Thank the lord he has more patience then he let's on

Truly he's only patient with you after learning he'll get no where either way

He tried threatening at one point, but it didn't work when you tried getting him to work for you in the human world.

Spoiler alert: that also didn't work

Alastor did tried to ask you out in a traditional way. Taking you to dinner, albeit at a cannibal restaurant, he really didn't know what you ate

He was disgusted when he found out, almost gagged, had to take a moment for himself

But he tried asking you out in a nice, classy, quiet place.

Spoiler again: didnt work

His question when right over your head.

"Go out? Aren't we already out? What we doing then? How more out do you wanna be? Gotta say though, never been to a place this fancy, must got some walking cash, huh? You know we could start a business together I be the brains, face and you can be..." You droned on as your hand flared around as you spoke. Alastor stared at you as static rumbled from his chest, one eye twitching in annoyance. Sighing he shook his head as he stared with a smile. Maybe you didn't understand what he was asking, or maybe you did. To be honest he doesn't know how much you know, but maybe letting you go on about whatever it is you're planning and get a deal out of you.

Nothing big, just a small pact that you two are "partners."

Cheeky Bastard.

He did tell you eventually someday, he's not heartless

Don't mention that it was after he had convinced you to move in his home (or apartment?? he staying at the hotel?? like??)

But it's another story for getting you to take a shower or a bath.

While Alastor isn't a clean freak or anything he much rather keep his house clean and smell free.

Alastor had quite a few sleepiness nights when you decided to sneak into his bed without a shower.

He almost banned you from the house until you agreed to take a shower after 'work'

now onto the good part

While he doesnt enjoy physical touch from anyone, only part taking in it when he's making someone uncomfortable

He settled on the fact you were gonna keep making every effort to get into his personal space

You only found out he enjoyed having you near him when your items from the guest room you had been staying in were now in his room

Be it having a hand placed on the middle of your back or letting you fiddle with his fingers as you talk

He always finds a way to get a touch in on a daily basis

What can he say? he likes to have a hold on what's his

That's another thing

He's a possessive lover, or person in general but ignore that right now

He just doesn't understand

Why do you have so much rizz

Both sinners and hell born demons seem to love you

And he hates it

Loathes it

If we wanted to get Nsfw real quick

He likes to leave bites and marks on you so even humans know where you belong <3

Going back to sfw

On the outside, beyond the walls of his home. He's well, he's Alastor

Cunning, Cruel, and Evil

But inside? .......Hey Siri, can you domestic a deer?

We already know he enjoys cooking, his mothers recipes are always a hit. He does have to convince you to eat something if it's new.

But he's decently domestic within the comfort of his own walls. As domestic as he can be will a feral dog in his home now. At least you're potty trained, right? Right??

He always enjoyed being alone, especially when he needed a break.

But as weird as it was for the first few months

Going to bed alone in a quiet home, everything neat and orderly was always a treat for the

just to wake up to a god awful mess like a hurricane had hit only the inside of the house.

Thankfully he's unable to fully freak out when he feels the weight of a body laying on him.

Arms wrapped securely in place as he moved around trying to view the full scope of the mess.

The look of defeat only rested on his face for a moment before he was pulled down by striped arms.

"What are staring at, red?..." You said half asleep as you pulled on the back up his shirt collar. "it's still too early to worry about the mess. Come back to bed" He gently shook his head in disgust opening his mouth to speak before getting cut off by a strong pull of his shirt. "I was setting up... sandworm traps. Couldn't't let them get my dearest deer." Alastor gave you a questioning look wanting to ask, but knowing better not too.

Sighing he let himself relax back into the comforter and wrap his arms loosely around as you laid right back on top of him. One of his hands softly treaded through your messy hair causing you to sigh and melt into his body. It was a quiet few moments until he had a passing thought.

"Wait... deer with an A, correct? Correct??"

He wasn't getting an answer from you anytime soon...

#foolish writing #request #request open #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin alastor #X reader #X gn reader #x male reader #Hazbin hotel x reader #Alastor x gn reader #hazbin hotel x reader

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d34dlysinner · 7 months

Note

Said iI'd make another, couldn't resist after listening to Amen. I need some Angstsy ahh shi to live, but with good ending lmao, kings + Lucifer, our lovely butcher devil, sitri, and Zagan. (and anyone else if you feel someone wld work for this lmao) With a mc who was highly religious and devoted to our lord and savior Jesus h Christ, stemming from past loss of a lover. Y'know how people sometimes after loss turn to religion to help get through it. idk brain not braining typing this whole typing am essay for my Paleobiology class lmao. And well, y'know when they meet the reality of heaven and hell it's like.

'Aw shi-' cue internal mental crisis as they find out their faith was a lie, God is dead. And angels want their soul but not for the good reason.

So it's like, the grief starts all over again n'they're just sitting in the corner vibrating ready to claw the next angel they see in 'WHERE TF IS [insert dead partner]' and probably tried to out of sheer gremlin energy. It's like, they're going through the emotions again n'feel like an idiot for believing such things. Y'know musing over the loss all over again, yadda yadda In the end they come to terms n'shi and move on for real for real.

Ik this is a lot but it's a thought I had how things would go on an mc who was really religious and experiences well, that the religion was a lie xD. Bonus Angst points if the religious belief started to help quell the person after a loved ones death. Lol

Ok enough rambling, I need to finish this essay before I get thrown out a window again.

(Hope I interpreted this well- thanks for the ask!! XD keep on brainrotting)

There you were shivering in the corner of a small room as your mind started to race. Pictures of angels and your dead lover flickering through your mind as you started to doubt what reality and truth was. Your eyes pricked as continuous tears poured out. You seemed too deep in your thoughts. Almost to the point where you cancelled everything and everyone around you.

Satan could feel your rage and happily fed of from it. But at the same time he felt useless as he saw how shattered you seemed from learning the truth.

"I know that humans learned from the angels lies, but I promise you some sense of relief during this battle when we cam finally put an end on them...", he said as he wasn't the best to console someone who was as broken as you were right now. He didn't understand how you felt tho.

Beelzebub understood your anger. He wouldn't show it himself, but he was angry too. Of course he wants peace and to relax. This can't happen when there are angels literally hunting him and other demons. He would sit with you and allow you to cry it out before trying to convince you to join him. He promises to aid you to fight the angels. Even when you can't see him.

Mammon stared down at your saddened frame as he stood in front of you in silence. He took some time before trying to speak to you. "If you're sad about them taking away what's yours. Then demand it back from them. Or make them pay.", was all he said. He wanted you to feel determined to take back what was yours. But he had to he honest that it saddened him to see you so greedy for a past lover and not him.

Leviathan looked down at your form. He didn't know why you cried. But he felt as of he should be jealous. Where you crying for another? Or was it for him? It didn't matter at that moment as he said: "I don't know why your crying. But let's stop using time on crying when you could possibly avenge what your crying for by fighting angels." He isn't the best at consoling others. He is someone who likes to do things efficiently.

Lucifer did enjoy the tears that streamed down your face. What he loved even more was knowing that these tears came to be because of the betrayal and anger you felt towards the angels. Yes, he was an ex angel, but he just as any other demon wants and needs to put an end to the torment that the angels put on the demons. "Join us and fight. It's better to seek for some sense of peace than to do nothing in a tiny room. You could help us and put a stop to those who lied.", he says as he referred to the angels.

Andrealphus could only smell revenge. He knew how you felt and tried to convince you to fight with him. He wishes for you to join and help and hoped that it would give you some sense of peace as you go against the thing that ruined your life even more.

Zagan wasn't a man of many words, but that didn't mean that he would wait out with you and listen to you vent. When you were done he would only nod, stand up and reach a hand out to you. "If you hate them so much... please fight against them with us. We're stronger with you at our side...", was all he said as he waited for you to accept his hand.

Sitri heard your sniffles over your heartbeat. It saddened him as he sat next to you and tried to embrace you. He waited it out and was set on protecting you while you vented incase anyone tried to hurt you during this time. Only when you were somewhat calmed down did he dare to speak. "Solomon...", he started referring to your ancestor again. It somewhat made you feel inferior, but for now it didn't matter as you understood that the demons like you also lost someone dear to them because of the angels.

"I hope you're willing to fight at our side. I understand that this might be a huge change for you since you like other humans were misled by the angels. Please, understand that we also need you.", he said as he stood back up, reaching down to you.

Whether they could console you or not. You appreciated that they tried as you yet again see how wrong those lies of the angels were. You understood that like you, those demons also lost things they thought were precious. You accepted their request as you want to atleast have answers and see if you can atleast find some peace with your lost.

#whb #what in hell is bad #what in “hell” is bad?#whb asks #whb satan #whb beel #whb leviathan #whb mammon #whb sitri #whb zagan #whb andrealphus #whb lucifer

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ysabelmystic · 4 months

Text

My friends and I are rewatching a bunch of Christian films from my childhood and we completed the original Left Behind trilogy the other day. Here were my observations

I do think it's funny that the plot essentially begins with GMOs. GMOs are bad because more people being fed means world peace and globalism. That is bad.

"I'm Buck Williams and I'm standing in a wheat field" is now doomed to be repeated within my friend group for at least the next two years.

The antichrist's name is Nikolai Carpathia. He has the accent of a guy mimicking a Russian accent. This feels on par with JK Rowling naming her one Asian character "Cho Chang".

The character names also include (aside from the aforementioned antichrist and Kirk Cameron's character) Rayford Steele, Chloe, and Patty. Somehow it has the aura of a porno.

Despite the only demographic to be exclusively raptured is children under the age of 10, this fact is pretty much ignored.

Kirk Cameron's character (Buck) confronts police officers who are shooting at looters and teenagers for lacking compassion. By today's standards, this is woke propaganda.

I'm pretty sure the prior thing is to show that Buck is a good and pure soul who just needs to read a Bible to be fully redeemed because how else can you have a non-Christian protagonist in a movie like this. Or maybe this is to show that he's misguided and worldly. However, despite being a hot, sexy, prolific journalist, the movie also points out that he is a virgin.

The alleged romantic tension between Buck and pilot-not-porn-star Rayford Steele's daughter is painful to watch because Kirk Cameron will not kiss anyone other than his wife. There's a lot of awkward side hugs and leaving room for Jesus. Given that they end up getting married later, this is amusing to me.

These movies really want you to know two things: World Peace Is Bad, and Jews Are Bad. There are direct plot points specifically about converting Jewish people to Christianity so that they cannot usher in the rule of the antichrist.

I think it's really funny that, despite TV and the internet existing during the time this series takes place, the connection between the rapture prophecies/fanfics and The Fucking Rapture is only discovered by our protagonists and a handful of other random guys. I think a mass disappearance of certain branches of Christianity and children would provoke some kind of doubt and curiosity, but no. That's bad for plot. Instead, the whole world goes straight to "y'know what? Let's just get rid of all religion at once. Forever." This is because all other religions are made from faithless heathens who just really hate Christians, and since there are no longer Christians, they no longer have to Do Religion. I guess.

I also think it's funny that the main characters, though they themselves were convinced to convert because of the rapture, do not use the rapture as a means to convert the masses. They jump straight to bunker church and secret Bible brigades. When they do successfully convert others, it is either by trotting out the tired, "YOU THINK THIS WORLD WAS AN ACCIDENT???" Case for Christ nonsense, or basically threatening their victim with damnation.

Case in point, Rayford Steele talks a guy out of suicide by reminding him that he will never see his wife and child again if he goes through with it. Suicide = Straight To Hell.

There's a scene where the antichrist like... tries to "test" Rayford Steele by revealing his uber spoopy ghost face and seeing if he reacts. Because I guess the uber spoopy ghost face only works on believers. Te uber spoopy ghost face is his figure showing up in infrared, then his face stretching out cartoonishly, and his eyes turning black. This scared me as a child. It is the second funniest part of the movie.

Also, the title of the second movie being "Left Behind: Tribulation Force" is giving big "Electric Boogaloo" energy.

The antichrist reveals of the evil Global Community organization to the protagonists by handing them a piece of loose leaf printer paper with a logo that I would've made in the computer lab in 2005. This is done to the tune of sinister and dramatic music. This is the funniest part of the movie.

The third movie begins with the introduction of The President. It was previously stated that the president had been raptured. There was no mention of presidents up until this point. I know the line of succession exits but it really felt like they just forgot.

Oh yeah...the Pope was also raptured because he was secretly protestant.

Buck marries Rayford Steele's daughter at the same time Rayford Steele marries a random blonde lady. It feels weird and icky, which is furthered by the fact that the now married daughter will henceforth be referred to as "our girl" by both of these men for the rest of the movie.

We also had to stop the movie several times due most of the female cast consisting of skinny white blonde ladies. We could not tell the difference between any of them except for by their eyeliner. If she wears dark eyeliner, she's a whore.

Due to the plot involving the release of a virus that mainly only affects Christians, this film was definitely the most fun to dissect.

The virus is stored in badly CGId glowy green goo bottles, which for a series that has tried very hard to be serious, was awfully cartoony.

This movie does not give a fuck about the protagonists. This movie is about the president. I'm pretty sure this is because the protagonists, who are Christian, are no longer allowed to commit murder. The president is not a Christian, so he gets to use a gun.

The president has random warehouses to do casual interrogations in wherever and whenever he wants. It is clear that the creators were really struggling to make due with the set.

We know the antichrist is bad because he wants to take everyone's nukes. The president's main goal in this movie is to keep the nukes.

Back in the side plot, it turns out that the Christians are getting infected with green goo disease because the antichrist hid it in their Bibles. As the protagonists drown in guilt, the suspense of the plot really starts to fall apart. Their entire goal is to Get More People Into Heaven, and in this series, reading the Bible will automatically make anyone a Christian (the Bible's words cannot be resisted). If anything, they just fast-tracked a bunch of people into heaven, and they no longer have to endure the next seven years of apocalypse.

We should've all watched these movie pre-COVID. The only person who wears a mask and gloves is the antichrist. The protagonists also mention avoiding vaccines and relying on God/sacrificing themselves instead. This movie predicted 2020.

The super advanced green goo virus has an instacure antidote. Fucking red wine. This seems like a helluva lot of oversight to hand the "drinks red wine as part of religious rituals" group a virus that can be instacured by red wine.

WW3 starts. Somehow, this does not cause a nuclear winter.

The antichrist discovers that he can force-choke people.

The president suicide-bombs the antichrist's tower in order to "slow him down". Given that the antichrist cannot be killed and cell phones exist, I have no idea what exactly that was supposed to do.

As someone who grew up fully believing that Obama was the antichrist and Muslim (which is conservative for "literally a member of Al-Queda/ISIS").... and Black but they didn't say that part out loud), it was interesting in retrospect to watch this movie unfold. The president in this movie is a Black, non-Christian man who is initially for world peace, but then converts to Christianity and suicide-bombs the antichrist. We all have different interpretations of this, but we do agree that they would not have made that specific set of choices today. That said, my interpretation is the correct one /hj

#left behind #the rapture #exvangelical #fundiesnark #fundie snark #conservative christians #kirk cameron #religious right

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starpirateee · 3 months

Text

To the dear guest who requested this, thanks so much! I was personally expecting a sickfic at some point, so it's my honour!

Paul was never late. Ever. He'd basically made it part of his personality to show up to work and little events within a reasonable margin to be considered "on time".

But, somehow the luck just had to run out eventually. Like the day his car broke down and he had to catch the bus to work. that day, he was a good forty minutes late (most of which was spent on the phone to Tony Green, trying to find a time to drop his car off, and subsequently missing the bus that may have gotten him to work on time), and that was so late that he managed to walk into Ted in the hallway.

Ted was normally one to amble into work late, but this time felt a little different. The two of them shared the lift up to the right floor, and Paul couldn't help but notice the way Ted seemed to be having a little trouble staying entirely upright. He spent the few seconds that the journey took leaning against the wall, and avoiding looking at Paul and the lights above their heads.

As Paul had pretty quickly discovered, there was nothing particularly interesting about Ted's shoes.

"Uh, Ted... Are you okay?" he asked eventually, just as they reached their floor.

the lift stopped and the doors opened. Ted made quick work of exiting, mainly so he could avoid being confronted by anyone, but Paul's words drew him back. He turned around slowly, ignoring the way his head screamed it's protests, and nodded. "Yeah, 'm fine. Just hungover." He could get away with that, it was a Monday, right? People drank on a weekend...

"Ted, it's Wednesday..." Paul pointed out, in a manner that he thought was rather helpful.

Shit.

Of course it was.

Granted, Ted didn't know what day it was at the best of times, but he had been working the rest of the week, so he should've known that it wasn't a Monday. "Yeah, and? I'm... Allowed to drink on a Tuesday."

"... Okay. I mean, yeah, sure you are, but-"

the two of them walked onto the office floor, and Paul insisted on seeing Ted all the way to his door, just to really make sure.

"- y'know, not a lot of people do."

"Get off my case, Paul... I'm fine." He opened the door to his office, fumbling first to get his keys, and then again when he tried to get them in the keyhole. Paul watched the whole time, his head tilted like he was about to make some claim that Ted was lying. Ted raised an eyebrow at him. "don't you have somewhere better to be?"

That seemed to snap him out of it. He nodded and backed away to join the rest of the technical department. On the way, he shot a couple glances back at the now closed office door, knowing full well that Ted wasn't as fine as he made himself out to be.

those suspicions were only confirmed when he heard Bill sigh heavily in the next cubicle, shift in his seat, and mutter, "Jesus Christ, can't he keep that to himself?"

Paul leaned around the divider, brow furrowed. "What's the problem, Bill?"

"Can't you hear it? I mean, we all know what Spankoffski gets up to in that office of his, but he's not exactly making it subtle today..."

Initially, Paul winced in agreement. They did all know what Ted got up to when he was alone. The last time they confronted him about it, Ted only grinned and explained that the office network didn't have a blacklist put in place, so technically speaking, they had free reign to do whatever they wanted. But, he was never normally a problem about it, so reluctant as they were, they had left the matter alone and just tried not to think about it.

Paul realised there was probably a good reason why Bill could hear Ted today, and thankfully, it had nothing to do with... That. For once.

"I don't think that's what you're hearing," he hummed, shooting a quick, sympathetic glance towards the door.

"What're you saying? Bill asked. "He's clearly-"

"I know what it sounds like, but he said he was hungover when we got here, but I dunno whether I believe him..."

"It's Wednesday."

"I know. That's what I said. I don't think he's doing so hot. Uh, that is, I think he's sick."

And Paul wasn't talking about him as a person. Bill's brow creased, and he actively tried to focus. This time, both men heard what they thought was a shaky sigh, and a groan that sounded much more like a protest than a pleasure. They glanced at each other and Paul shrugged, his point having been proven.

"Yeah, no, I'm not buying it. He's not fine, and I don't care what he tries to tell me." With that, he stood up and started towards the door. Bill didn't try to stop him, but kept his eyes trained on the office as Paul approached.

He knocked first, half expecting Ted to have locked himself in.

"... 's open." Came the voice from inside, slightly more strained than it had been a few hours ago.

Oh.

Taking a quick, prepatory breath, Paul opened the door, dropping his other hand to his side. Ted was once again hunched over himself, discarding a tissue in the bin by his desk. He looked up, caught the concern so clearly written across Paul's face, and sighed. "Didn't I already tell you to get off my case, Matthews?" He asked, somewhat drily.

The only response Ted got was a nod.

"Then... What's the big idea, huh?"

"Bill thought- uh..." He glanced back, stopping himself mid sentence and deciding it wasn't worth it to follow that up. Ted probably already knew what Bill had assumed, anyway. He certainly didn't seem disappointed by being the name behind such a reputation. "You're... Not hungover, are you?"

"Good job, detective." Ted's chest heaved, and his next breath sent him into a bout of coughing. Paul noticed how raspy it was, and how rough Ted sounded when he came out of it. "It's nothing. Some... Flu or something I picked up from my brother, or one of his dorky classmates... I dunno. But I'm fine."

"Sure."

Quite surprised, Ted's eyebrows raised. "Was that sarcasm there? From you?"

Paul just shrugged. He could add sarcasm when he needed to. He totally knew the context for something like that... Thankfully, the subject was dropped before he could think about whether he'd done that intentionally or not.

"Why are you so bothered anyway?"

The fast attempt at giving an answer was broken off by another coughing fit, and in that time, Paul tried to refine his answer before realising he didn't really have a good one in the first place. He sighed. "I'm worried about you, man. You've gotten paler every time I look at you."

Ted faltered, his head lifting just enough to fully catch Paul's gaze and decipher that he did indeed look worried. He seemed sincere enough, and the thought of it- the thought of someone he didn't actually know that well, all things considered, seeming genuinely worried at his expense- made his eyes widen.

Paul picked up on the extended silence and shifted, now humouring the thought that he may have done something wrong. "What?"

"You're serious?"

"Huh? Of course I am. You need to get yourself home, you look like you're going to pass out. In fact... No, I can drive. If you want."

"You took the bus this morning," Ted reminded.

"I know. I meant your car. That way, you don't have to leave it here to forget about by tomorrow..." Paul hadn't thought this through. In his eyes, that just meant Ted wouldn't have to wake up the next morning and completely forget where his car was. Besides, it's not like he lived close...

"You're asking me for my keys? When I can just as easily drive myself home?"

"Will you make it?"

There was a silence. Ted realised pretty quickly that this was an argument he was going to lose, so he sighed as he stood up. It was fine, at least he wouldn't have to keep face here when all he wanted to do was sleep until his problems went away. "... Fine." He muttered, shoving his hand in his pocket for his keys and handing them out to Paul. "Wreck it and I kill you, 'kay?"

"Okay..."

#ted spankoffski #paul matthews #starkid #the guy who didn't like musicals #tgwdlm #void offering #nova's tags →#sickfic! hell yeah!!!#do these two have a ship name? is this even ship territory???#someone with more knowledge than me tell me what this ship is called idc if this fic is shippy or not i wanna know #... are they dirty chai/chaicoffee? is that them?

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robertsmithclone · 1 year

Text

I Wait For You (Its What I Do)

Xavier Thorpe x Female Original Character (Sade Ricci)

Sade Ricci’s fangs just came in two weeks into the school year, so that means a transfer to Nevermore academy. (Does not follow show plot)

1.9k words (part three)

TW: cigarettes, vapes, mention of pills, blood, mentions of making out, falling and becoming unconscious, eating disorder if you squint, weed, smoking

Posting to Ao3 under wonde_rr and Wattpad under SHADYGROVEE

Playlist: it’s in the works

chapter three masterlist

“So, Sade, why don’t you wear glasses like Yoko? I mean, I never really asked why she wears them…have any of us? Yoko’s usually with Divina nowadays…”

Having Ajax as a partner in Thornhill’s class was not Sade’s favorite part of Nevermore, and she doubted it ever would be.

Sade liked Ajax. He was nice, funny even, but sometimes he wouldn’t not stop talking and asking questions. Sade would bet most of her money that he was high right now. Despite that, she hoped they would make good friends now that Xavier convinced her not to remove herself from the group the other day.

That was Monday, which meant it was Friday. Sade couldn’t wait to get out of third period. Staring at the back of Xavier’s and Wednesday’s heads while they worked on the assignment together was making her sick.

“Sade?”

The girl turned to see Ajax staring at her. She smiled slightly.

“Sorry, Ajax, I zoned out.”

The gorgon smiled back at her. “It’s all cool. You’ll have to provide some answers to my questions another time.”

“Oh yeah…” Sade wasn’t sure what to say, she almost felt bad (mostly for the fact she wanted to drain his blood. Only slightly, though).

She quickly scribbled down her phone number in her notebook and ripped out the paper, handing it to Ajax. “Here. Text me later.”

Ajax looked confused for a moment when he picked up the paper, before grinning at her again. “You don’t have snapchat or instagram?”

She just kind of looked at the boy and he laughed. “I’ll take that as a no. Jesus, I’m hungry. Do you think anything in here is edible?”

Sade tuned him slightly out again, focusing more on the assignment than anything else. She was smart, yes, but she knew she couldn’t focus on trying to stab both Wednesday and Xavier with her eyes the whole period. Plus Ajax certainly wasn’t getting much done.

“Is it because you’re like a baby vampire? Y'know, the blood pills and shit?”

The vampire sighed.

——

“…Dude, you’ve never seen How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days?” Ajax had a bewildered look on his face and Xavier wanted to shoot himself.

“No, Jax.” The artist sighed as he watched his best friend take another hit of his blunt.

“Enid made me watch it back when, y’know, she wasn’t out of the closet. It’s actually so good. I should’ve told you about it before so you could’ve used Ben’s sexy tactics to get with Wednesday. Wait, I think she’s dating Enid. Hey, where’s Rowan?”

Xavier sighed again, before inhaling the smoke Ajax was letting out. “I don’t care about Wednesday anymore. Rowan is probably with Sade at this rate.” The boy ended with a sour look on his face, feeling extremely jealous.

Ajax looked at him. “Wait, did you seriously just get over Wednesday like that? I mean Sade is attractive, but we’ve known her for like, not even a week yet.”

Xavier shook his head. “I’ve been getting over Wednesday. She made it obvious she wasn’t interested back in like, sophomore year. Her getting with Enid was the last push I needed.”

The gorgon looked at him skeptically. “You sure it wasn’t Sade?”

“Yes! I’m sure! This isn’t about her, or Wednesday, or Bianca, or Tyler!” Xavier burst up from his seat in the corner of the dorm. He had a hand on his hip and one rubbing his temples.

Ajax put his hands up in defense. “I’m sorry dude, you know I didn’t mean it like that,”

Xavier looked up at the boy before Rowan walked in. Both their heads turned to him, his lips seeming slightly swollen and his hair mussed up. “Hey, guys.”

“Christ, what happened to you?” Ajax questioned.

Rowan flushed as they heard loud music start, flowing in from the window.

All three boys went to look out of it, seeing a window from the girl’s dorms open, and out of it flowing an Italian melody. A sweet voice singing the Italian perfectly started to flow over with the music.

Xavier slammed the window shut and the other two boys flinched. The artist stormed away from it to the other side of the room and started pacing.

It was silent for a moment before Xavier spoke. “So what, Rowan, you were just with her, weren’t you?”

Neither boy had to ask who the taller boy was talking about, it wasn’t even a question.

“…It-it’s nothing serious…just…fun…?” Rowan spoke and it sounded like a question. Sade had made it clear to him that she just wanted to make out. That was it. What Rowan hadn’t expected was a cut along his lip and a small hickey on his upper jaw.

Xavier was fuming and Ajax looked slightly frightened.

“What fun?” He spoke with venom in his voice that felt thick.

“She told me she just wanted to make out, I dunno. I doubt it’ll amount to anything if that’s what you’re worried about, Xavier.” Rowan sighed. “She’s all yours.”

Ajax looked between the two boys before taking another hit of the blunt and texting Enid what was happening. The girl had sent various emojis before responding with actual words.

Enid

this is almost council meeting worthy!!!!!!

Enid

like what do we do about Sade

Enid

i hate to say it but she’s been messing?? things up a little bit. rocking the boat if you will

Ajax

yeah

Ajax

really nice tho

Ajax

we’ve all been in a routine with each other for so long and she’s just altered it yk for better or worse

Enid

EXACTLY!!!!!

Ajax put his phone down to see Rowan had gone into the bathroom and Xavier had sat down again, but he was sulking. Not too unusual.

“Dude, we kind of knew Sade was flirty, I really doubt it’s anything.”

Xavier didn’t say anything for a minute, just sitting with a jealous look on his face.

“I know I can’t control her, but I already really like her. If she’s just running around doing shit with guys for ‘fun’ then how am I supposed to try and get with her anyways?”

“You’re overthinking it! You just gotta try. If she’s not into it then you can’t do anything about it. We just met her, she could be the devil for all we know. Chill out and if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. I’m sure we’ve all made out with people before without it meaning anything…hormones, Dude.” Ajax provided surprisingly good insight and Xavier looked at him.

“You’re right. I can't take this shit out on Rowan…I’m just scared I guess. I’ve already taken this liking to her and I don’t wanna lose what I don't even have yet.” The boy sighed, running his hand through his hair.

Ajax nodded and pat Xavier on the shoulder. “This shits tough man, I get it. Your past romances don’t help. You deserve something good. Let this be good!”

Xavier looked up at his best friend and smiled slightly before looking down to his phone.

——

Saturday came around and Sade found herself in the woods again. Her jeans and sweatshirt weren’t exactly suited for the rain and a damp vampire was not a happy one. Her umbrella would have to suffice.

She was upset because of the rain, itching for a cigarette, her stomach was growling, and she couldn’t find anything to help her thirst for real blood. Sade knew the blood pills would help that over time, that’s what they were meant to do, but she couldn’t be bothered to listen to her Dad anymore.

Her Dad was a vampire and she didn’t know her mother, so she was probably some sort of half-breed, the reason for her not knowing she was a vampire till her fangs came in and her lack of sunglasses so she didn’t go blind. This was her working theory, but she had never asked her Dad. He didn’t like to talk about her mother.

“Christ I need a cigarette…or a vape…something to stop this headache.” Sade muttered, cursing herself for leaving her cigarettes in her dorm.

After finding nothing to drain the blood out of, she stumbled upon Xavier’s shed again. There was no one in it and Sade was desperate.

She picked the lock with a stray bobby pin and started rummaging through anything and everything to find some semblance of nicotine.

Eventually Sade found an old vape, thrown in a drawer with a few crumpled pieces of paper. She hit the vape a few times, which surprisingly wasn’t dead, before she calmed down. What felt like animalistic urges were gone.

The vampire threw the vape back into the drawer, closing it quickly. She stopped for a moment before opening the drawer back up and taking out one of the crumpled up pieces of paper. Sade unfolded the paper, straightening it out on the desk as she saw what was on it.

Fangs, eyes with slight red penciling, lips, and hands with long fingernails. A look of confusion twisted on the girl's face as she took out more of the crumpled papers, seeing similar things on all of them.

Sade looked at the drawings laid out in front of her, biting the fingernail of her thumb before crumpling them all back up and stuffing them in the drawer. She took another hit of the vape before slamming it shut.

The vampire stood there for a moment before spinning around in horror as she heard laughter and footsteps begin to draw closer.

“Merda, merda.” She mumbled under her breath, unsure of what to do.

Her mind seemed to move on autopilot as she quickly took off her shoes and slipped out of the crack in the door, abandoning her umbrella where she left it outside. The voices and footsteps were getting closer and closer. Sade stuck her shoes down the front of her sweatshirt before running to the nearest tree. She climbed it quickly and with skill. Perks of vampirism.

Xavier, Ajax, and Rowan had approached now, confused at the sight of the umbrella and unlocked door. Sade watched from above, not daring to breathe. She seriously didn’t wanna fuck up the already fucked up friendships she had going on with these guys, especially Xavier. She knew he’d be pissed.

“Jesus, things were going well after last night.” Xavier was pissed alright. “Is someone in there?!”

The boy stormed into his shed, Ajax and Rowan looking at each other before following after him.

Sade could hear what was going on inside, another perk of vampirism! There was shuffling, the voices were muffled but she could tell Ajax and Rowan were trying to calm the artist down. She was fairly certain she hadn’t left anything out of place, not touching anything but the door and the drawer with its contents.

Xavier stormed out of the shed, his two best friends right behind him. He started looking around the nearby woods as Ajax and Rowan tried to come up with explanations.

Sade hoped she was occupying the only place they wouldn’t look; up.

The combination of all three boy’s blood almost made her want to jump to the ground and—she needed to focus.

It was hard, though. Last night she had cut open Rowan’s lip ‘on accident’ with her fangs while making out with him. She had tasted exactly what she had been craving, and she would bet her life—not that she really had one, in a literal sense, she was technically dead—that Xavier’s blood tasted even better than sweet Rowan’s.

That was the last thing she thought about before slipping out of the tree and falling to the ground. It was all black.

——

translations

merda - shit

—

tags:

@solacestyles

@wxnderingthoughts

#Spotify #xavier thorpe #wednesday netflix #enid sinclair #xavier thorpe x female oc #xavier thorpe x oc #xavier thorpe x reader #wednesday fanfic #wednesday addams #ajax petropolus #rowan laslow #rowan laslow x reader #yoko #tyler galpin #bianca barclay #vampire #fanfic #yoko tanaka

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sungbeam · 2 years

Text

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨! — two

ep. 02 ☆ big brother *gulps*

1.5k words (whoops sorry) + social media

Xu Minghao literally could not believe his eyes when he saw you walk into the living room of the SVT frat house, clad in a cool leather jacket and dark, pleated skirt. You had your arm tucked into Xiaojun's as the two of you searched for the best way to get from one end of the living room to the kitchen across.

Christ, you were so goddamn pretty. Minghao couldn't even describe in words how effortlessly you made his heart pound in his chest with a simple look. You hadn't even looked in his direction, actually. Where he was, tucked away and out of people's immediate view in a nook between the window and a bookshelf, there was no way you would even look in his direction. Even if he was wearing an awfully vivid shade of sapphire blue. And showing a lot more skin and very little button than usual.

Now he was glad for that. As long as he could get your attention though.

But as he watched you and Xiaojun start moving again, he thought to himself once more that there was no way the two of you weren't an item.

"Ey! Minghao-ah, hey!"

Minghao's eyes left your form and smiled as he greeted NCT's Qian Kun, who had found Minghao with his friend Jun—SVT's Jun, not your Jun. Oh god, he really needed to stop referring to Xiaojun as "your Jun".

"Hey, ge. How are you?"

"I'm good," he replied, nudging Wen Junhui with the back of his hand. "Me and Jun were about to grab a drink. Wanna come with?"

The universe was on his side and Minghao had some thanks to give tonight. He nodded, perhaps too eagerly because Jun narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Yeah, I'll definitely tag along."

"Ah, that's the spirit!"

When Kun went ahead of them to start the journey to the kitchen, Jun murmured into Minghao's ear, "You're not slick, y'know that?"

Minghao plastered a smile on his face as he waved to Vernon and Chan, who were on the couch setting up Mario Kart. "Who says I'm trying to be?"

Jun chuckled, shaking his head. "I hope you actually talk to her this time."

"I do, too."

The three of them were somehow able to maneuver themselves into the kitchen with minimal problems and stops. Kun made a beeline for Seungcheol and Wonwoo who were seated at the breakfast table with playing cards. Jun clapped Minghao on the shoulder before following after.

Minghao channeled every ounce of calm that he could muster, then made his way to the island where all of the drinks were set out. But the one thing he hadn't anticipated was... Xiaojun wasn't there. Only you were.

You were calmly busying yourself with surveying your options, then picking out liquids to carefully pour out into two different cups. It seemed like you were deliberately choosing things to mix together into your own special cocktail.

Minghao couldn't believe his luck.

He cleared his throat, plucking a cup from the bag, and heading over toward you. "Any recipe you're going by?" He asked, reaching for the vodka. Jesus, Hao, can you be any more lame?

Your head perked up at the sound of his voice, and he could have melted on the spot. "Oh, this? Nah, just playing by ear." You paused, reconsidering. "Or I guess, by eye?" There was a half smile sort of expression on your face, and it somehow had the power to make Minghao's heart take flight.

You nodded to him. "What about you?"

"Same here; whatever looks good." He traded the vodka for the jug of apple juice. "I'm Minghao, by the way." And my heart's gonna fall out of my chest any second now.

"Oh, I know," you smiled. "I'm Yn. Do people call you by your frat name or do you go by Hao?"

Minghao suppressed a grin. "Either one. But my friends call me Hao."

You took a pair of chopsticks and began stirring one of the drinks. "Okay, cool. Nice to meet you, Hao."

"Nice to meet you, too, Yn." Finally. "I don't really see you around often. I'd definitely remember someone as pretty as you." He almost cringed; that was so lame.

But there you were, making him forget everything, because you were giggling. "Yeah? You're not too bad yourself."

Were his eyes tricking him or did you just glance down at his very exposed chest? Was that blush? God damn—he was not going to last. How were you this cute?

Minghao took his finished drink and shifted so he leaned one hip against the counter and faced you. He brought the cup up to his lips for a small sip then licked his lips. "I'm guessing you didn't come by yourself since you have two cups."

"Ah yeah." You brought one of the two up to drink, shrugging when you decided you liked it. "He's gone off somewhere."

Minghao asked over the rim of his drink cup. "Boyfriend?"

But before you could answer, there was a loud holler from the kitchen entrance. You and Minghao turned your heads in that direction, only to see that Xiaojun had come back. Right beside him, however, was Dong Sicheng (more commonly referred to as Winwin), your older brother.

Great.

"Look who I found!" Xiaojun exclaimed, hurrying over to your side to accept the drink cup from you. "Thank you, Ynnie. Hey ge." The latter was addressed to Minghao, to which he replied in kind.

You hummed in response, idly sipping your drink while Winwin walked up to the island and stopped on Minghao's other side.

"Hey," Minghao greeted Winwin pleasantly.

Winwin smiled warmly at him. "Hey."

It wasn't that Minghao disliked Winwin. Actually, it was the complete opposite. Minghao respected Winwin so much that he feared not living up to his expectations. They were the same age, but Winwin had made a big name for himself on campus for his acting in the theater, as well as his impressive traditional dance training. Minghao dabbled in that realm as well, but preferred more contemporary styles. He just found Winwin intimidating half the time, even though Winwin was very friendly toward him.

Minghao looked up and made eye contact with Jun across the room. Jun wagged his eyebrows up and down at him, and Minghao deadpanned. Help me, he mouthed.

Jun snorted, shaking his head. You're doing great, bestie! He mouthed back, then returned his attention to the round of cards he was currently participating in.

"Gege! Are you DDing?" You suddenly asked, peering around Minghao to look at your brother.

Winwin wrinkled his nose, gulping his new concoction. "Uh, no. Kun usually DDs."

"There's no way he'll DD tonight if he's hanging out with them," Minghao mused, inclining his head to the poker table. "He's gonna get sucked into that shit quickly and he probably won't wanna leave the table until dawn." He had personal experience with that one. Wonwoo was impenetrable. Jihoon was even worse; they should feel lucky he was somewhere else tonight.

"I'm already drinking," Winwin shrugged, his comment directed at you.

Xiaojun nudged you with his elbow. "We'll just find Renjun somewhere and get him to stay sober."

"True," you agreed.

Xiaojun was grabbing your wrist and hauling you away faster than Minghao could grapple with an idea to keep you to stay. "C'mon, I saw Jieun just down the hall earlier!"

Your groan echoed in his ears as you left, but as you did, you glanced over your shoulder and sent Minghao a small wave. The corner of his lip quirked upward as he lifted his hand to wave back. And then you were gone. Not even a five minute conversation.

Beside him, Winwin swirled the liquid around in his cup. "They're so weird sometimes. But at least I can count on Xiaojun to repel all the cretins at these events."

Minghao raised his brows. "Are they dating?"

To Minghao's utter disappointment, Winwin shrugged. "Beats me. They never give me a straight answer." He smirked in a sort of laugh, eyes flitting over to Minghao. "Isn't that weird, that I don't even know my baby sister's relationship status? They look like a couple, don't they?"

"Definitely." He tried to not linger on that too much.

"Yeah, well." Winwin sighed, sipping his drink once more. "I dunno about..." He paused, suddenly deciding against it, "Ah, never mind."

On the outside, Minghao was calmly finishing off his drink. But inwardly, he clung to every word Winwin said. "You don't know about what?" Does he approve of them?

Winwin chuckled, waving his hand around. "Aish, I just don't know." He bit his lip. "They don't seem quite right. What do you think?"

Minghao's heart was currently a competitor in a Formula 1 race. "I guess I haven't seen enough of them to figure it out. Yn seems happy."

"Well, that's because they're best friends." Winwin dunked back the rest of his drink. "Poker sounds kind of good right now. I'll see you around?"

"Definitely. See you, Winwin."

Winwin saluted. "See you, Hao."

Minghao leaned his back against the counter again and shut his eyes. That was more nerve wracking than he wanted it to be. But he seemed to get a few things out of that conversation... Though there was one thing that stuck out the most to him: if Sicheng didn't approve of your best friend dating you, then what would he think of Minghao?

a/n: man, if only they knew huh :/

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#seventeen x reader #seventeen social media au #xu minghao x reader #minghao x reader #minghao social media au #kpop social media au #svt smau #seventeen frat au #minghao fluff

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hrodvitnon · 3 months

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*Near the end of the mission- the Titans have pulled off the impossible. They found Gigan, Abraxas bested him in combat, got from him the necessary failsafe they knew he had, and now they were trying to escape. Unfortunately- one of the groups was trapped. Godzilla, Rodan, Abraxas, Barb, and Tiamat were stuck in a room that had caught fire- likely from one of Abraxas's lightning attacks. The door was blocked by debris from the other side- and Godzilla banged on the door to get it to open while the fires licked at their backsides.*

Rodan: We're all gonna die, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die...

Godzilla, Abraxas, and Tiamat: WOULD YOU QUIT IT?!

Rodan: IT'S TRUE! THIS WAS AN AWFUL IDEA! WHY DID I LET MYSELF BE TALKED INTO THIS??? God I'll never get to see the Sun again- feel the wind rushing past me in flight- never *mate* with anyone again! This is the end...

Godzilla: STOP BEING A DRAMA QUEEN AND HELP ME ALREADY!

Rodan: It's curtain call- requiem's playing- fat lady singing... Quick- I gotta get some stuff off my chest, guys.

Tiamat: Fucks sake.

Rodan: Abraxas- Vivienne- San- whatever the fuck you go by- I love you. Despite all the snipping and teasing and rudeness- we go together great and I love being around you and I really really really wanted to have more time with you.

Rodan: Barb- I was just being an asshole when I called you a bug that one time. I'm sorry- you looked really sad when I said it and I felt like I couldn't say sorry because that would make my tough guy masquerade come crumbling down and everyone would see me for the glorified hatchling I was- putting up a front and deflecting everything with humor and wit so I didn't have to feel things.

Rodan: Tiamat- you don't deserve all the shit people say about you behind your back. Yeah, you're kind of a slut; but that's cool- y'know? You don't give a shit and I think that's really respectable and I wish I could be like you and not have such a fragile ego. You're also funny and fun to be around- and I feel like no one ever tells you that, y'know?

Rodan: And Godzilla- I've always sorta thought you were hot.

Godzilla: ...what-

Rodan: FUCK, your roar, your body, DID I MENTION HOW GOOD YOU LOOK IN THE PINK?? I got on your ass for it, I know, I'm sorry- but god, you look good. You're also just real quiet and sweet when you wanna be and super calm most of the time and JESUS CHRIST, YOUR VOICE-

Barb: Uh- Rodan?

Rodan: -I tell ya, if you ever showed interest I would've bent over. In. A. Heartbeat. But... I never knew how to tell you this. You're just really intimidating all the time and whenever I talk to you I feel like you tune me out and never really listen as you just have that stone-cold look all the time and y'know me: Rodan, King of The Skies who needs nobody but himself to keep him company. But you seem like a cool guy... and I wanted to be better friends with you before...

Mothra: What the fuck.

Rodan: what-

*The rubble had been cleared and the door was open. On the other side was Dagon, Shimo, Mothra, Behemoth, and Kong; and they were all staring at Rodan with agape maws- along with everyone else.*

Rodan: ...shit.

Mothra: Got one for me in there?

Rodan: You guys just leave me here- I'll be dying of-

Godzilla/Abraxas/Tiamat/Barb: Absolutely not!

*Godzilla grabs Rodan and throws him over his shoulder as the gang runs down the now open hall, reunited with their friends.*

Oh, Rodan, you drama queen.

Dagon: Honestly, this is going much better than I expected, but how did you get the fail safe from Gigan?

Abraxas: Classified.

*five minutes earlier*

Abraxas: Give me the fail safe or I'll never let you record me being carved open like a turkey again.

Gigan: Oh, sweetheart, you'll have to do better than that.

Abraxas:

Abraxas: Hey, you know all those grotesque leather family tree things you have hung up in that hallway, like Clive Barker Bayeux Tapestries From Hell? The ones your followers made out of their skin and gave to you as offerings that will be added to with every generation?

Gigan: ...you didn't.

Abraxas: I did.

Gigan: No.

Abraxas: It was easy.

Gigan: You MONSTER, THE AMOUNT OF HISTORY IN THOSE TAPESTRIES! THE BLOOD AND SWEAT AND TEARS THAT WENT INTO FLAYING AND TANNING THEM!

Abraxas: And now they're all tilted.

Gigan: THAT FUCKING HALLWAY IS GOING TO GIVE ME SUCH A GODDAMN HEADACHE, YOU CARRION SPAWN FROM THE DARKEST PIT OF EVIL!!

#frostbite814 #abraxasverse #monarch shenanigans

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cosmal · 1 year

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sza — send me a character and a concept and i’ll write some headcanons

OK HEAR ME OUT. what about rockstar!steve??? I’ve never seen anyone write for him before but he could def be the vocalist or drummer 🤞🏽

(also u can ignore this one if it’s too hard, hc’s are hard to write lmfao </3)

mal!!!! best idea ever. I feel like he'd definitely be vocalist. also bass player.

I feel like he'd have a very cocky personality at first because y'know... king steve. he's famous, of course, it's a definite ego boost.

then he meets you.

shy!reader x rockstar is definitely one of the best tropes idc.

you get hired as their makeup artist and every time you have to do his, he loves to say shit to make you squirm.

you're awfully close to my lips, love.

steve.

could kiss me if y'wanted to.

steve!

that's m'name. god, y'very jumpy.

eventually, he goes soft on you.

you're obviously at every show to do your job.

steve doesn't make it any easier for you, despite being his girlfriend.

what lipgloss are you wearing?

the one I always do.

can I have some?

you never want me to put stuff on your lips.

no, but I want you t'kiss me.

jesus christ.

he also knows that, despite being a full-time makeup artist, you've never travelled across the world with a rock band before.

he knows when you get burnt out.

go lie down, sweetheart.

you go on in an hour, I need to get your makeup done.

get someone else on your team to do it.

you hate anyone else doing it.

I'll do it, then.

steve.

y/n...

eventually, you find yourself on his tour bus between stops instead of your own van.

you share a tiny bed and steve loves it.

he holds you close when travelling, always making sure you're on the side with the wall. you've had to cover up a few bruises over the months from him falling out of bed.

still, when you're at a long stop he insists on putting you up in a big hotel room.

i'm fine in my van.

no, you're staying in a hotel. I'm not having you in that tiny thing.

steve...

I'm sorry, but there's a huge bed we can break in once the show's over.

steve!!!!

sorry, baby.

when you can you stay backstage between sets to give him good luck kisses!!!! his bandmates tease him to death for it but he loves it.

she's m'goodluck charm >:((((

I'm also your girlfriend.

exactly. that's why I love you.

really, steve is a big hard rockstar on stage.

but behind the scenes, he's a cheeky soft boy who loves his shy girlfriend to death.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x female reader #steve harrington x reader #rockstar!steve #rockstar steve harrington #steve harrington headcanon #steve harrington thought #stranger things headcanon

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aprillikesthings · 1 month

Text

I think I finally have the energy for more rewatch

We're on the home stretch now folks

*cries*

s5 ep9 An Ill Wind

Me when I started doing this nearly two months ago: oh my god I can't do this for every episode it'll take me MONTHS to watch them all I want is to refresh my memory of the show enough to write my damn fic

Me now, having done this for Yes, Every Fucking Episode: I'm not ready for the show to be over ;_; Also I am devastatingly obsessed with Catra and learned I have a specific kink I didn't know the name of before and I keep practicing eyeliner like every night so I can cosplay Catra :D

ahahahah oh god

also from here on out I am going to not read the synopses

(I didn't do that for most of the episodes anyway tbh)

Glimmer can teleport relatively far distances with multiple people again but Catra is NOT a fan

also they're toUCHING

Adora, looking into the woods: hey come look at this

Catra: *still suppressing puking from some form of motion sickness caused by teleportation*

oh they find the empty torn up camp

Glimmer: maybe they went to Bright Moon or Mystacor? Catra: dude you know they could all be chipped so maybe we should be careful Glimmer: oh you don't trust princesses? Adora: Catra's right Catra: *grins in satisfaction*

just look at her

the fuckin. lack of subtlety here. as always. *chef's kiss*

("ugh they didn't HAVE to be so obvious don't you think it's Too Much" listen I've literally seen people who've watched Arcane be surprised to find out that people are shipping Vi and Caitlyn. "Really? I didn't think that was romantic." You didn't? Did we watch the same fucking show??? The one where those two have romantic tension so thick you could carve it with a KNIFE? The one where they had an overdramatic breakup scene in the rain even tho they hadn't kissed or anything? The one where they lay on Caitlyn's bed and talked about Vi's past while making significant eye contact and holding hands and Caitlyn pet Vi's face? That scene where they hug on the bridge and Vi does that like, face pet thing before walking off and they're clearly both in AGONY at being separated?! Are you really that fucking oblivious??? Jesus H Christ. Yes She-Ra made it SUPER OBVIOUS because some people are BAD AT PICKING UP THIS SHIT also She-Ra is aimed at kids and they haven't learned subtlety. Arcane was aimed at adults.)

no really I've seen people express surprise that people think they're going to be a couple. when that ^ was after they'd known each other like two hours

(seriously tho, if you can handle violence (there's a LOT ngl, it is not a show for kids) then you should watch Arcane, the people who make it have made it pretty clear that it's gonna be canon, and the next season is out in November; but also leaving shipping aside it's just REALLY, REALLY GOOD)

ANYWAY back to other animated lesbians

lol Glimmer teleports them all again without warning and Catra really does look like she's gonna hurl

And Erelandia ain't looking so good, oops

(but also yes Adora helped Catra up again)

intro is the same as the last episode

AHAHAH a dozen planets are rebelling against Horde Prime he's so pissed. And they apparently all mention She-Ra

yeah I am again surprised at how much of the actual plot I forgot lol (but I remembered that Glimmer liked to sneak into the kitchen to eat cake with her hands. Y'know. Important things.)

given his tiny facial reactions I think that's Hordak-Hordak. Our Hordak. Not the Wrong Hordak. I think.

once again I ask myself: where did y'all get those outfits

Entrapta teaches Wrong Hordak how to wink and it's so cute. I also love that she explains what it means--because I'm sure she had to consciously learn it, too: "It signals unspoken intent behind my words. In this case, our mutual deception of the Horde. Now you try."

awww

but yeah everyone in town is terrified and won't talk to them, and especially doesn't want to talk about any princesses

"should I buy property here?"

"...go team."

C'MON THAT WAS FUNNY, GUYS

Also, note to self, Melog definitely understands human speech--they split up, Catra is told to stick with Entrapta and Melog (and Catra frowns at this, just barely) and Adora tells Melog to keep them safe and it does a little noise of affirmation. (wait is Melog a he or a she or a they?)(fan wiki says it's an it but dang I feel weird using "it")

Okay so the scene where Glimmer, Adora, and Bow hide in a shop and then end up arguing with the shopkeeper is like, fascinating on multiple levels

Because on the one hand: I can't blame the townspeople for just keeping their head down and trying to get out alive. On the other hand, reporting them to the Horde isn't cool; they could just pretend not to be suspicious of these guys; there are in fact lots of places on the spectrum between "actively collaborating with one's oppressors" and "mounting a full-scale armed rebellion."

But on the other other hand I also think it's interesting that Adora's the only one of the three who's like "nah dude just let these people live their lives omg," something about Adora having lived in an oppressive environment for her whole childhood maybe

poor Adora someone get her an ibuprofen

Anyway Spinerella found them ack

Also Melog steals an apple for Catra, just magically takes it from someone's basket and into Catra's hand, which implies they're communicating non-verbally more than just moods, though I suppose "hungry, that apple looks good" is a mood

speaking of things that would make ANYone motion sick--

(Adora is saying it) Catra's right there, dude. You spent the last four seasons fighting her. lol.

Oh I paused it too soon lol Catra says this line:

LOLOL

Back on Horde Prime's ship, Hordak keeps looking at the chip thing Entrapta gave him and gets caught by Prime, whoopsie

oh hey, lore: Horde Prime can't access ALL the memories in his previous bodies without going into them, and he keeps his old bodies around in that green goo, that's fucking weird and gross, anyway he plugs a connection into his old body

Horde Prime: "The First Ones sought a new source of power of ancient worlds. Why? Why bend themselves to the whims of magic and myth?"

Poor Hordak has flashbacks to Entrapta and the Fright Zone. Mostly Entrapta. Including a moment of her looking at him fondly--I think it's the moment when she says "Imperfection is beautiful."

Horde Prime: "The fools took their secrets with them when they died. But I will find another way."

(I've seen a fan discussion suggest that there aren't actually any First Ones left--that when Light Hope made it so Adora came through the portal, the portal itself went back in time. I like that explanation in part because it means in my fic I don't have to figure out why Adora doesn't go looking for her birth family. Which tbh most fic-writers don't worry about anyway lol.)

Back with the rebellion, poor Catra is once again trying not to lose her lunch because they've all teleported.

And Netossa is like WTF IS THAT BITCH DOING HERE

Melog doesn't like that

Adora: "It's a long story, but she's with us now" Netossa: "...really??" (Catra in the background: hisses)

BAHAHA and then Netossa spots Wrong Hordak and they have to explain, no that one's with us, too 😬

But yeah p much the entire rebellion has been chipped except like Netossa and Perfuma

Adora and Bow have a guilt trip about having been gone for so long (...to rescue the queen! and also Catra)

and Catra's remembering what it's like to be chipped :(

Glimmer gives them all a ra-ra little speech

Adora just makes the sword appear in her hand without transforming lol that's cool

but they're doing the "I'm in" "yeah me too!" thing and

like, on dates?

(lol)

yayyy

Anyway the team heads back to Erelandia and starts kicking some ass

there's a great moment when Catra's like "you go deal with Spinnerella we'll take care of the bots" and Adora says "be careful" and Catra grins and says "always am!" like ma'am that is a LIE

Spinnerella is torturing some poor villager, and Netossa is worried her wife isn't still "in there"

Adora would know. From literal, personal experience. ;_;

She transforms into She-Ra and Netossa literally does a whistle of appreciation and says, "New look?" and She-Ra grins back. And somehow that is, like. Super queer. Like literally just one lesbian to another, in a flirty-but-not kinda way. Like I have *had* those interactions, where the underlying meaning is "I know we're each in a relationship, so I'm not actually hitting on you; but as one queer woman to another I want you to know that I see what you're putting out there and I like it." It's one of the best things??????

Netossa gives a little speech to Spinnerella about how she loves her and Spinnerella actually comes back for a few seconds ;_; but then she's gone again, but She-Ra and Netossa convince her to disappear for a while at least? And the locals rejoice.

And Catra would know. ;_; (She rubs the back of her neck after saying this.)

Anyway word gets back to Horde Prime that She-Ra is back on Etheria :D and he's so fucking pissed he's going to go there

...and Hordak spends a long moment looking at that chip from Entrapta again

They go to where the rebellion is actually hiding out, Glimmer and Catra recognize it

and I'M BLANKING ON WHY THEY'RE REACTING THIS WAY HELP seriously I have spent like ten minutes trying to figure it out, I don't think they talked about it while on Horde Prime's ship? Fuck!! IF YOU KNOW PLZ TELL ME

Any Perfuma ties them up and makes sure they're not chipped and then it's Happy Reunion Time with everyone :D

Adora to Catra: it's time for you to meet everyone Catra: are you sure??

I got that one without trying I didn't know it was coming lololol I was trying to get a shot of Catra looking hopeful

poor thing

Adora: long story but she's with us now!!!

Adora (well, as She-Ra) gives them all a little pep talk

ANNND EPISODE OVER

and I don't have time to do another one tonight and I won't have time tomorrow until like after 6:30pm aaaaaaugh

ON THE UPSIDE I only work two days this upcoming week.

Because it's Holy Week. I'm going to be in church like every day starting Wednesday and twice a couple of days ahahaha including an hour in the middle of the night on Thursday.

It is DEEPLY HILARIOUS to me that I'm going to end up watching the last episodes of She-Ra mere days before Easter. Like I literally have four left. Assuming I watch one tomorrow, I could end up watching the next one Tuesday night and watching the last two BEFORE GOING TO CHURCH ON WEDNESDAY how tf am I gonna focus for SHIT lolol

#april rewatches spop #an ill wind

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