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fyonahmacnally · 10 months

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Thing I Didn’t Say

The day Kara went to the Phantom Zone - 2021

"KARA!" Lena screams. She sees the panicked look on all her friends' faces and wants nothing more than to kill her brother for a second time. What’s a little murder between siblings? This could be considered self-defense, right? He has tried to assassinate her on multiple occasions after all.

Once they subdue the asshole and get back to the tower, everything becomes real. The minute she realizes Kara is truly gone, she panics. For once in her life, her mind is blank. She has no idea where she is going, but she has to get away from everyone. She needs to find somewhere that she can go to feel close to Kara, to be able to feel her presence. Before she knows what’s happening, she is standing in front of Kara's apartment door unlocking it. As she closes the door behind her, she collapses onto the floor and deep, wracking sobs surge from her body.

She isn’t sure how much time passes, but she wakes up on the floor in Kara’s apartment feeling like she’s been run over by a truck and then backed over again for good measure. Her phone is vibrating incessantly in her pocket and she couldn’t care less. She knows it is one or all of the Superfriends trying to check-in, but she just can’t deal with it right now. She just got Kara back and now her piece of shit brother sent her to a place that is sheer trauma for Kara. The two of them were definitely on their way to repairing their friendship and there are still so many things she never said, so many things she should have said.

Now, she may never get the chance.

Tears sting her eyes again. She didn’t think she had any left, but here she is crying on Kara’s apartment floor thinking about all the things she never said to the woman she knows she’s been in love with for years. Fuck. She may never get the chance to tell the one person she has ever truly loved how she feels.

Get up off the floor, Luthor. You know Kara wouldn’t want you to isolate yourself and box up your emotions.

So, that’s what she does. She gets up and takes in the apartment. It is so full of warmth and is just so Kara. She walks into the kitchen and makes a mental note to throw out anything that could spoil before they get her back. That thought stops her in her tracks.

What if we don’t get her back? What if…No. Nope. They will find a way. If it’s the last thing she does, they will get her back.

She decides she needs to sit down and sort through her thoughts. She sees a notebook and pen on the coffee table so she grabs them and makes herself comfortable on the couch. She absently flips through the notebook. What she finds halts her movements and starts a fresh stream of tears. There on a page in the middle of the notebook is a masterful sketch of her laughing with her head tilted and full dimples on display.

Is this how she sees me? She wonders. Before she realizes what’s happening, she has started writing Kara a letter.

Two hours later, she blinks back to reality and decides she needs to get some sleep. She takes the notebook with her to Kara’s bedroom, places it on the nightstand, and heads to the shower. She will sort through the rest of her thoughts and feelings tomorrow. Tonight, she wants to be surrounded by Kara.

And that’s how it goes almost every day. She keeps writing and will continue until they get Kara back from the Phantom Zone. Lena spends everyday at the Tower and every night in Kara’s apartment writing her letters. First, it’s to tell her all the things she never said, then, it’s to keep her up to date on everything that is happening while she is gone. Who knows if she will ever give them to Kara, but it helps her cope with the missing piece of her life.

The day Lena leaves for Fortune Bay - 2021

With Lex in prison and Lillian god knows where, Lena was the one that took over Luthor Manor. Plus, she needs a break from the Tower. Getting Kara back was great, but it’s still a little awkward. While she was at the manor, Lena found some information about her birth mother. She isn’t sure why, but she feels a deep pull to find out more about her life before the Luthors. With Andrea’s help, she is able to get the name of a town in Newfoundland called Fortune Bay. She knows she has to go. She has to see if she can figure out who she really is.

But, she also doesn’t want to be away from Kara. There are so many things left unsaid between them and she knows Kara is going to need her friends and family more than ever. She’s torn about what to do. So, yet again, she finds herself standing in front of the apartment that has been her home during the time that Kara was gone. Pulling out the key and unlocking the door, she steps into the safest space she has ever known. Kara isn’t there, she made sure of it before she came. She already let the blonde know that she was leaving for a while and why. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but as she always is, the superhero was understanding.

She sighs, pulls a letter out of her purse, and makes her way into the blonde’s bedroom. Gingerly, she runs her fingers over the neat letters spelling Kara’s name and places it on the bedside table under the glasses sitting there. The raven-haired genius has no idea when her best friend will find it and she is more nervous about leaving it than she has been about anything else in her entire life, but she promised herself that she wouldn’t bury her emotions anymore so she’s taking a risk.

At least I won’t be here when she finds it. She thinks. God, you’re such a fucking coward, Lena. She actually laughs out loud at that as she walks back toward the door taking one last look around before she locks up and heads out.

Hopefully this is the beginning of a new adventure.

The night after Lena leaves for Fortune Bay - Kara’s apartment

Kara's exhausted. Putting on a strong face for her friends and family is tiring. She doesn't want to pretend, but she doesn't know what else to do. A lifetime of trauma and stuffing everything down has conditioned her to do this and it's a habit she doesn't know how to break.

And now, Lena's gone for who knows how long.

Lena's the only one who can understand and she's not here. She thinks as she drops her keys and bag by the door to get a shower. Having dinner at the tower was draining and she just wants to go to sleep. She grabs some clothes and heads to the bathroom.

The water is as hot as it will go and she stands under it hoping it will wash away the feelings of dread and hollowness. She knows her sleep will be riddled with nightmares and restlessness, but her body is tired. And god, she misses Lena so damn much. They've barely spoken since she got back and now the raven-haired woman is gone indefinitely. She's incredibly supportive of Lena getting answers and finding a connection to her mother, but her heart hurts being away from her best friend. There's so much they still need to talk about. Not to mention the fact that she knows with her entire being that she is desperately in love with the genius woman. They promised no more secrets and here she is sitting on yet more deception.

Okay, Kara, get your shit together and stop pining after your best friend.

She sighs and turns the water off. She really needs to get in bed and try to get through this night. Getting dressed and through her routine, she heads to her bedroom. As she plugs her phone in, she sees an envelope sitting on her nightstand. She knows that handwriting as much as her own, that's a letter from Lena. Her heart is suddenly in her throat and her mind is racing. Lena must have put it there before she left and she's not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.

The blonde grabs the letter and sits back on her bed. She gently runs her fingers over her name written in the most neat and elegant script she's ever seen. It makes her heart flutter and she smiles. Running her free hand over her face, she forces herself to open the letter and tries to calm herself down. Surely her best friend wouldn't leave a letter containing something horrible and then leave town. Right? She sighs and pulls the pages from the envelope.

Here goes nothing. She thinks.

My Dearest Kara,

By now, you know I've left to try to find more information about my birth mother. I hope I won't be gone for too long. Especially since we just got you back and gods have I missed you. We have so much we still need to talk about and I know we will, Kara, but I wanted to leave this for you in the meantime.

While you were gone, I spent a lot of time here in your apartment. For many reasons, but there are two that are the most important to me. The first is that being here made me feel close to you and I desperately need that. The second is because your apartment is one of the only places I've ever felt safe. I hope you don't mind that I was here. I tried to keep everything in order and well taken care of for you. I hope it shows.

Now, on to the real reason for this letter. The first night I was here, I was a wreck, Kara. Losing you like that right after we had just gotten each other back was devastating. It felt like my whole world fell apart, again. When I came in and looked around, I realized I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I could feel you all around me and it was what I needed. It was then I noticed a notebook sitting on your coffee table. I decided to try to sort through my thoughts, write something down and try to make sense of what was swimming around in my head. About halfway through the notebook, I found a sketch. Darling, it took my breath away. It was truly breathtaking to see how you view me through your beautiful blue eyes. I was so mesmerized by it that I think I stared at it for hours. Anyway, it made me realize that there were so many things I never said to you. So many things I didn’t say and should have. Of course, I could go on and on about the reasons why, but that’s for another time.

For now, I want to leave you with the first letter I wrote to you on that first night when the pain was so fresh and raw. We will have time to talk about things and say all the things that need to be said, I promise. Until then, Kara, here are some of the things I kept to myself, some of the secrets I kept. Please read them with an open mind and an open heart, Darling. These words are from the bottom of mine. I will see you soon.

Love Always,

Lena

Tears are streaming down her face as she tilts her head back onto the headboard of her bed. She has no idea what she is about to read, but the fact that Lena stayed in her apartment while she was gone simultaneously shatters and heals her heart. The idea that she felt close to the blonde and safe in her apartment is not what she expected. The sketch Lena referenced is ingrained into her mind. She remembers exactly which one and suddenly needs to get her hands on it. So, she sits the letter on her bed and runs into the living room to grab her notebook. Once she settles back in bed, she opens it up. It’s still there, but Lena placed a pastel green sticky note on the opposite page with a note that says, ‘You are truly an amazing artist, Kara. I hope you know that. xo, L’. She smiles and holds the notebook to her chest. It makes her wonder if Lena left any other little surprises to be found. She shakes her head and thinks, another time, Kara. She has a letter to read.

She picks the letter back up and gets back to it. There are several pages of Lena’s wonderfully elegant handwriting. For reasons she can’t even begin to fathom right now, her stomach has a nervous swarm of butterflies skipping around in it. The superhero knows that whatever words she is about to read will alter her life forever, she just doesn’t know how. Regardless, she is diving in head first.

Hi Kara.

We just lost you. It hurts more than anything I have felt in a long time. I’m not sure if I will be able to put words to it that make sense or that give it justice right now. What I do know is that I can’t breathe. When I got here earlier and opened the door, I collapsed into a heaping, sobbing pile onto the floor in front of your door. I’m still not sure how long I stayed there, time seems to have stopped and everything is a big blur. It’s all just…I don’t know, bland and colorless. Without you, I am a drifting ship in the middle of a hurricane. I know what it is like to be without you already and I don’t want to go through it again. You mean far too much to me for that. Right now, it feels like my entire soul has been ripped from my body. It feels absolutely hopeless. For tonight, I am going to let myself feel hopeless. I am going to let myself experience the emotions I need to, but I promise you, tomorrow, all of us will fight to get you back home, Kara. You taught me that there is always hope. I will not stop until you are back here. I hope wherever you are and whatever you are doing, you know we won’t stop. I will never stop fighting for you.

There are so many things I didn’t say to you over the years. So many things I wanted to say or needed to say, but always came up with a list of reasons not to. I guess, in a sense, I was keeping a secret too, Kara. Just as we start working our way back to each other, my brother fucks it up, and you’re gone without me ever having told you my biggest secret. Where do I start with this? How do I go about telling you some of the things that should have been said so many years ago? Especially now that you aren’t here to hear them from me directly. I don’t want it to be too late, Darling. I hope it isn’t.

I suppose I should just start from the beginning. That’s what you would do, right? Ha. Or maybe you would just blurt it out in one big classic Kara Danvers ramble. Boy would I love to hear one of those right now. You have to be the most adorkable person I have ever met, Kara. You’re probably my single most favorite person on this planet. Well, probably the entire known universe, but semantics. Anyway, I am rambling now. You’ve rubbed off on me! I’m nervous about this and you’re not even here for me to have to actually speak the words. You have a way of making me a little nervous. Not many people have that effect on me, but you always have. So, the beginning, let’s start there.

Your appearance in my office that day with Clark was something I will never forget. God, you were just beautiful standing there in your cute little cardigan and nerdy glasses. I was taken with you right away. I’ve never had that kind of reaction to anyone before, Kara. I know if it wasn’t for my Luthor upbringing, I would have been a rambling mess. Even in that first encounter, I was drawn to you and I meant every single word of it when I told you I hoped it wasn’t the last time we talked. I wanted to know you. I would even venture to say that I was enamored with you, I just didn’t realize it yet. You waltzed into my office with your cousin and walked out with my heart in the palm of your hand. It was terrifying, exhilarating, earth-tilting, and unsettling. I didn’t quite know what to do with that reaction, but I knew I couldn’t stay away. That was the first time I knew there was something different about you.

Something I still laugh about is when I went to CatCo and invited you to my charity gala. You know, I was actually asking you out on a date. It makes me laugh at how completely clueless you were to that fact. At the time, I thought it was because you just weren’t interested in me, and maybe that is still part of it, but in hindsight, I think it had more to do with the fact that your Kryptonian heritage and customs are so different from ours here on Earth. No matter how long you have lived on our planet, I know now that you still miss some of the social cues, but then, I had no idea. Regardless of whether you were interested in dating me or not, I knew I wanted you in my life. For me, that was when I realized that I already liked you more than I wanted to ever like anyone again. It scared me in the same ways it made me giddy.

Filling your office with flowers. It was another thing that I did trying to get you to realize how much I liked you. Again, it’s a little funny to me now that you didn’t see it for what it was. I think I have liked you for so long that so many things stand out as I look back. The closer we got, the more painfully obvious it was to me that I was falling in love with you. When you started dating Mon-El, I was pretty sure I had lost my chance for good, but still couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. It was always about you being happy. It never mattered to me who played that role as long as you were truly happy. I won’t lie and say that I ever like that guy, Kara. He was never, ever going to be good enough for you. You deserve more than anyone on any planet could ever give you. Anyway, I am rambling again.

When you lost Mon-El, it was hard to watch you in so much pain. I felt so much guilt about it and when you pushed me away, it hurt, but I felt like you were justified since I played such a pivotal part in him having to leave. Then, you pushed me to date James, I thought you had figured out how I felt about you and were trying to use that as a way to let me down kindly. I knew from the start that it was never going to work with him, but wanted to give it a chance since you seemed to think so highly of him. I still have a lot of questions about that and why you pushed that so much, but I never asked. I have been a coward about a lot of things, Kara. It is so obvious to me now, but at the time, I just wanted you in my life, no matter what that meant. Looking back, I know I never should have dated James. He was never who I wanted.

I know this is all out of order and might seem jumbled, but like I said before, I just need to get this all out and to ‘tell’ you all the things I should have said, but was too fucking scared to. You deserve to know my secret too.

When Jack died, it hit me hard. Like you, I have lost so many things in my life that I just expect everyone to leave in some way. He was part of so many of the best parts of my life. At least my life before you. I know you felt guilty about what happened with Jack. I didn’t know at the time that it was my Kara that I saved, but I do know it wouldn’t have mattered, I would have made the same decision. It was the right one. As much as it hurt to make it, I would make it again, every time. I could go on and on about so many things, Kara. There are a ton of things that we need to talk about and talk through. We will do that when we get you back. I promise.

Until then, I will leave you with my truth. My own little secret that I never told you, but most definitely wish I would have. So, here it is, Kara…

You are my perfect partner at game night.

You are who I think about first thing in the morning and the last at night.

You are quite simply the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Ever.

Losing you last year felt like losing a part of myself.

I never knew what it meant to be truly loved, unconditionally, before I met you.

Kara, I love you.

I am in love with you.

I think I always have been.

Please come back to me so I can tell you to your face.

Yours now and always,

Lena

Kara is sobbing now. She cannot even begin to process what she has just read. How had she missed this? She knew Lena flirted with her. She is oblivious, but she isn’t stupid. She just chalked that up to Lena being, well, Lena . She is quite charming and always a bit flirty. Lena loves her. She’s in love with Kara. Now she’s not here for Kara to tell her that she feels the same way.

She has to do something.

She picks up her notebook and grabs her journal from her bedside drawer. The blonde knows she won’t be able to give a letter to Lena tonight, but she knows she has to respond. Screw being tired, she has some feelings to return. Tomorrow, she will fly to wherever Lena may be and leave her a letter.

Maybe this is the beginning of saying all the things that need to be said. The beginning of something even better than before.

For the first time in a very long time, Kara feels…Hope.

On Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45726514

#supercorp #lena luthor #kara danvers #lena #kara #fanfic #fic #supergirl #fluffy

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thatonebirdwrites · 1 month

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This is another interlude chapter that covers three different perspectives: Kelly, Kara, and Andrea. Each wrestle with some alarming truths that they are not quite sure how to handle yet.

Act 2 will feature more of these interludes so I can weave all the parts together appropriately. It will also be a little more Kara heavy. In Act 1, I broke Lena down on her identity and who she understood herself to be and then built her back up. Sam mirrors her arc, where a similar thing happens with Sam. Though Sam isn't as angsty as Lena was. Act 2 it's Kara and Andrea's turn! Whee! Time to break them down and build them back up. Alex is also getting some of this as well. P.S. Thank you to the awesome person who said it was okay for me to use their Kelly Headcanon. :) EXCERPT:

Since the war, Kelly found shooting ranges an excellent location to bleed dry her anxiety over things she couldn’t control. The heft of the weapon in her hands, the careful aim, and the click of the trigger — it all served as a harmonious symphony that rattled and roared with the tumult in her spirit.

As a therapist and social worker, some truths she kept close to her vest. To do well at her jobs, she required a clear mind and active listening. It bled into her other relationships, sometimes to the point where she’d forget her own needs. Since James' recovery from Harun-el, Kelly had made it a point to keep a sharp demarcation on the needs of others and her own needs. Hence her growing friendship with Lena, who excelled at such boundaries.

Lena sat on the bench next to her in the women’s locker room. She’d donned the protective gear, and held the headphones in her long fingers, turning it over and over like it was a novelty. “This is more than just you being stir crazy, isn’t it?”

Kelly sighed. “In a way, yes. Alex and I are talking through the whole over-protective bit. But it’s my job that has me worried. We’ve had a massive influx of alien kids, where their parents went missing. Plus, I got offered a part-time gig at Obsidian. A chance to use their software to help treat PTSD.”

A frown creased Lena’s face. “The gig sounds promising. But missing parents? Is anyone looking into this?”

“They’re aliens.” Kelly stood and walked to the row of firearms. She brought her own, but sometimes playing with the other types gave her a bit of thrill. “I’ve tried to push for it, but I’ve gotten nowhere.”

“Right.” A hint of bitterness coated Lena’s voice. “Xenophobia I take it.”

“Maybe.” Kelly selected a shotgun. She hefted it and noted it was fairly well balanced. “Kara and you may have exposed Lex's xenophobic plans, but America hasn’t really recovered from the Children of Liberty. Nor their views. There’s still a lot of folks angry that Alien Amnesty was reinstated. Polls claim the nation is split fifty fifty on it.”

“It’s absolutely necessary though.” Lena walked over to examine the firearms. She chose one of the pistols. “Aliens are here to stay. They deserve the same rights.”

“And yet the systems that ensnare us fail to catch up to the law.” Kelly shook her head. “It hurts to see all those kids alone, Lena. I wish I could take them in myself, but I can’t. Finding them homes is difficult. Alien children are less likely to be adopted.”

Lena scowled. “Of course. It’s not right. The kid isn’t at fault. They deserve a good life.”

Kelly knew Lena well enough now that her words held an undercurrent of grief, for the fact she’d been denied a loving childhood. Since she’d met Lena at the hospital when she'd saved her brother, Kelly had taken time to talk with the CEO more often. Go to shooting ranges with her. Teach her better firing stances since Lena’s brother had been a shit teacher.

She supposed in a way the two had bonded over their respective traumas, and being the last two not in on Kara’s secret. “How are you and Kara?”

Lena buckled a belt and slid the pistol into its sheath. “She asked me out finally.”

“Good for her!” Kelly led the way toward the door. “I honestly thought you two were dating until Alex explained you were just best friends a week before you left for Ireland.”

“You too? Nia did as well.” Lena smiled with a slight shake of her head. “I’d wished for it the entire time I’ve known Kara.” She paused with her hand against the door. “I asked Kara to come to therapy with me. She’s… you know? Was that the right tactic? Do therapists know how to deal with alien psychology?”

Kelly slipped on her headphones. “Not all. I can find you one that deals specifically with this, but it’ll be an alien therapist. Most human ones aren’t equipped, and Kara in particular?” She didn’t know how to explain in words.

Lena looked at her expectantly.

“Kara’s gone through a lot of trauma. Layers. She’s woven a delicate web to keep herself going. Her way of thinking isn't human, so what works for us likely may not for her. Tread gentle with her if you two go together, okay?” Kelly wished for a better way to explain Kara's unique psychology; Kryptonians seemed to have steel-trap minds, Kara far more than her cousin. Likely since she grew up on Krypton when he hadn't.

“Understandable. I want to build a healthy relationship with her. That means going through some of our baggage. It's more for that than to touch on her trauma.” Lena adjusted the headphones on her head. “What of you and Alex? How are you two doing?”

“As well as can be.” Kelly pushed open the door and led Lena down the hallway toward the shooting range itself. “I worry about her though. She works herself ragged. I think not having solid leads on her cases is making her restless and prone to jumping to conclusions. I told her I'd give the hiding three days before I return to work. I'm really needed there.”

“I noticed. Well, I may have a lead for her.” Lena smiled tightly. “I am going to see Florence again this afternoon. She's my Great Aunt apparently. Her sister married into my birth mother’s family. She’s the one teaching me control.”

#supercorp #lena luthor #Kelly Olsen #Kara Danvers #Andrea Rojas #Ruby Arias #supergirl cw #cw supergirl #kara x lena #kara zor el #supergirl #Kelly and Lena bonding is the best #Hopefully everyone still sounds in character as I worry about this all the time and probably need more confidence injected in my veins #unraveling realities #dansen

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loyalshipper · 3 years

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May I introduce the Tumblr DC community to one of my two favorite Batfam AUs I have created. Bruce Wayne owns a hotel/museum near an ocean cliff and still has a chronic adoption problem but doesn’t fight crime. (If anyone writes this you can make it to where heroes still exist, the Batfam are the inly no capes)

WE still exists but it isn’t run by Bruce it is run by Lucius because back in the 60s Thomas and Martha bought the hotel and wanted that to be their legacy. They still die the same way but Bruce puts all his efforts into running and blossoming the hotel which was his parent’s dream project.

I’ll get back into the hotel in a minute I’m taking about the kids now

Dick is gotten a similar way, he visits the Cape with Haly’s Circus, his parents die because of faulty wiring sold to the circus by Zucco and Dick becomes an orphan. Bruce just so happened to use his one night off in a while to go see the circus. He keeps thinking about Dick and ends up adopting him. He helps Dick and the Circus bring Zucco to justice and sues the hell out of him and shuts down his business. (Adopted at 8))

Jason was found living in one of the shut down rooms of the hotel. Because his dad left and was in prison and his mom od. So Bruce treats him like a wild animal and starts to leave food out on a regular schedule until Jason gets comfortable with him and he adopts Jason. (five years younger than Dick)

Tim was the son of two wealthy archaeologists who were gone 11 out of the 12 months. Bruce met Tim because he liked to come into the museum and take pictures of the museum exhibits and hotel architecture and shoreline which he would develop and give copies to Bruce. So he opens his house to this little boy with a penchant for photography. Until one day Tim’e parents call Tim telling him that they are staying in Egypt permanently because the archeological dig is producing wonderous results and they’ll be hiring him an around the clock sitter. Only for Tim to wait three weeks and no one shows up. They went so far as to fire Ms. Mac but never hired a sitter for their son. So he goes to Bruce in tears and explains everything, because this is it-his parents finally did abandon him, and Bruce sues them for custody of Tim. (Three years younger than Jason, adopted at 7)

Damian was the result of a relationship Bruce had in college while studying hotel management and hospitality. Talia is the daughter of a hotel conglomerate owner who is currently trying to buy Bruce’s hotel so it can be torn down and Ra’s can built a new hyper expensive hotel in its place. Damian was sent to live with Bruce to try and get Bruce to have Damian inherit the hotel so Ra’s can get it and destroy it, but that backfired because instead Damian falls in love with the hotel and his new family (reluctantly) and wants to see the hotel and museum flourish, not tear down this historical piece of architecture to replace it with a soulless hotel only available to the wealthy elite. But something available to everyone that families vacation to because there is so much history and beauty in a thing that has stood for centuries. So Damian turns against Ra’s. Due not that while Damian and Tim do have a sibling rivalry it is not as vicious and cutting as it is in canon. They love each other they just don’t mesh well while in the same room. And yes, Damian still has his variety of pets (7 years younger than Tim)

Cass came to the hotel with her “father,” David Cain, who went to the Cape for business, and just ended up leaving and forgetting Cass at the hotel. He was still abusive and Cass had trouble speaking but he wasn’t “turn Cass into the world’s greatest assassin” abusive. After Bruce finds Cass, he sues Cain for parental custody and then ruins his life unrepentantly. (Couple of months older than Jason)

After Martha and Thomas died, Alfred took over managing the hotel while Bruce was still growing up and while he was getting his degrees, now he is the grandfather to Bruce’s many kids and helps to keep them running and cared for while they run and care for the hotel. He’s also the one that helps the new kids transfer into the life of running a hotel.

Barbara is the daughter of the Police Comissioner still who became friends with Dick and works, first part time at the museum/hotel and then full time. Same with Steph and Tim (1 year older than Dick)

Cullen and Harper work at the museum, Helena works at the hotel. Carrie does both. Duke is the newest acquisition. Only, his parents disappeared and no one has been able to find them yet. So Bruce currently had temporary custody of Duke who lives at the hotel with everyone. (Harper is a year older than Tim, Cullen is a year younger than Tim, Carrie is the same age as Jason, Duke is a few months younger than Tim)

Each person has different jobs. (Dick is concierge/check-in, Jason does guided history tours of the hotel/museum/grounds, Tim works in financials because he deals with the least amount of people, Helena, Carrie and Steph are both maids, Carrie also does janitorial stuff with Cullen, Barbara works hotel check-in with Dick, Barbara and Harper work cashier at the gift shop, Duke doesn’t have a job yet because he is still dealing with the disappearance of his parents, Damian does every job to see where he fits in best.

JARRO IS THE FAMILY PET STARFISH THAT TIM ADOPTED WHEN HE FIRST JOINED THE FAMILY AND RESCUED FROM BEING EATEN OFF THE BEACH

The hotel is still fully staffed with not-batkids, like grounds keepers and other hotel cleaners and janitors.

Location time!

I’m turning Gotham nicer and changing the geography of the city.

The hotel Museum rests about 200 yds from a cliff that overlooks a beach. There is a well maintained stair case put into the cliff for people to walk down, as well as a longer gravel path that follows the cliff edge down to the shoreline. It is frequented by seals, sea lions, and in the distance, dolphins and whales. The hotel it’s self has about 100 or so acres of land and a long drive but it is technically within walking distance to the city. And it’s a normal coastal town with a port and touristic areas. Kinda eerie at night when the fog rolls in but that’s part of the charm of the NorthEast.

Selina is just Bruce’s friend in this. She is Helena’s mother and Bruce was a surrogate for her. She decided she wanted a baby and Bruce offered to be a donor. So Selina had Helena and Bruce is part of her life but not as her dad, which was the agreement. Selina takes care of the stray animals on the grounds and favors the cats.

Clark is a reporter that was tasked to right an article on the hotel and it’s history, became good friends with Bruce and brings his family (Lois, Jon, Bizarro, Kon, Kara, Lena, Chris, Ma, Pa, and Lex) on vacation to it every year. Lex and Clark are divorced husbands that left on good terms and are friendly enough to coparent their son, Connor, who was made the same way as canon but less hush hush and illegally, Kara is Clark’s cousin and Lena is her fiancée, Lois is his wife, Jon and Bizarro are their two biological sons (Bizarro has autism), Chris is their foster son. Bizarro latches onto Jason in a way that he hasn’t before and always loves coming to the hotel, Jon and Chris are best friends with Damian, Connor and Tim are long distance dating.

Collin, Maya, and Maps are Damian’s best friends from school (Damian has a crush on Collin) and he’s trying to convince them to join the hotel staff like his siblings’ friends but they are a) too young and b) not interested.

Roy has all of his problems as in canon and gets help for it, so as a way to try and bring the family closer, Oliver and Dinah arrange a vacation to the hotel for them Roy and Lian. As a stepping stone kind of thing. Get away from daily stress. Roy is resistant at first until he and Jason hit it off and start talking and Jason talks sense into him and they strike up a friendship turned romance.

The Flashfam visit the museum diring a countrywide roadtrip and mad the stop because Bart is a history buff and wouldn’t stop talking about it the entire trip. He becomes fast friends with Tim and is the only person to ever get a Tim Wayne history tour. No matter what Kon tells you he is super salty about it. Wally and Dick were internet friends and used the roadtrip as a way to be able to meet up.

Thad is the obligatory complainer who doesn’t want to stay in a musty old hotel.

Ivy is the main grounds keeper and is in charge of the native wildlife sanctuary most of the land is used for, as well as taking care of the native plantlife and lives in town with her girlfriend, Harley. Harley helps the kids prank Bruce.

Harley is a children’s psychiatrist hired by Bruce to help the kids deal with their various traumas. Her coming to the hotel for sessions is how she and Ivy met.

They started dating between Dick and Jason and Dick talks up each of them to the other, but each individual kid that comes in think they’d be cute together (since they are both professional while working there isn’t immediate proof that they are dating. But they will flirt with each other if they see each other) and it’s basically a right if passage to try and convince their siblings to help them get together and then try and set them up on their own and find out the hard way that they’re already together. They love seeing all the different way the kids try and set them up. They tend to go along with it until either the kids realise or they take pity on them.

Their favorite was Damian’s where he set up an entire romantic dinner at the hotel restaurant and Dick managed to slyly convince him to set it on a certain day that turned out to be Harley and Ivy’s anniversary.

Alfred is the head chef for the hotel, making room service meals and the breakfast buffet line up. Jason will help him out if he isn’t busy with other things.

Victor Fries and his wife hold an ice cream social ever summer at the hotel with all the ice cream flavors they came up with over the last year.

Edward Nygma, famous escape room designer, is hired to make an escape room themed on the hotel and museum that is built on the grounds near the main building.

Another ritual that starts, begins with Tim, where the older siblings convince the newest one that the hotel is haunted and Jason takes them on a “haunted ghost tour” of the abandoned part of the hotel (the part that is too dilapidated and run down to remodel safely) while the others are stationed at different parts of the hotel and grounds to run whatever scenario to scare the new kid. The only one that hasn’t been done to is Cass because even after several years she still jumps a little too hard at loud noises. But one time Jason accident closed a door a little too harshly while Cass and Tim were doing something and it caused her to jump so hard she knocked over Tim and started crying. They were contemplating whether she was strong enough to do it or not and that cemented that she wasn’t.

Tim and Cass are nearly inseparable and are commonly referred to as the Wayne Twins. For Halloween they decided to go as each other.

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herpronuonsarefemslash · 3 years

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Satisfaction Brought it Back - TEASER

The one where Lena ghosted Kara rather than going villain, Kara went into reporting on human rights abuses in warzones and Lena started a project to take medical information for aliens and their anatomy to help human hospitals.

And then volunteer Subject 99 walks in for a full exam and Lena wonders if she can pretend she's doing anything other than "playing doctor" while learning about Kara's unique body. But her traitor heart just wants to play house. SEE THE REST HERE: https://www.patreon.com/posts/56078508 ===== Alana helps the gray-scaled Jorviunan gentleperson down from the exam table. Five genders on a three-pole gradient, the species file says. Subject 98 uses he/him according to the survey. But it's not right. She's gotten enough peripheral glances of herself in a ballroom's mirror, gritting her teeth and using the identity of least resistance when one of Lillian's friends slid a hand around her back. Lena's been in both the human medicine and xenobiology games long enough to know when a word tastes bad in someone's mouth. Or fangs. Or pincers. Or feelers. Or bioelectrically charged water-filtering membranes. Subject 73 was a Vyllnat who rolled in the other day who looked like she belonged on a Wikipedia article about the Dykes on Bikes movement with the zinger being that her partner was checking in for the session in the next bay during the same time slot. Mating for them involves snuggling close and sharing body heat until their physiologies sync up enough to allow genetic material to simply seep through softened skin. What Lena thought was a rather plain leather riding jacket was, in fact, skin that just looked like supple black leather. Membranous flaps that adults use to seal each other's bodies in an airtight embrace during one of these sessions. A mutually embarrassing moment involving Lena stumbling and nearly wiping out with a tray of sharps and some accidentally-spit acid revealed the tight jeans were really fifteen feet of muscular tail as thick as Lena's waist trailing behind 73 in a holographic concealment field. Lena even weaseled her into letting her take 3D scans of all five sets of interlocking fangs and slicing teeth and a venom sample.

Late that night, Lena might have put a few minutes of Clash of the Titans on loop while she got herself off. Sue her. The idea of reproduction by snuggling is even gayer than a race of medusa-ish beings who come in three flavors of what could only really be called female in a human framework.

"Next subject?" Lena asks, looking up at Alana who is tapping some commands to the repurposed attack drone of Lex's they use to burn any biohazards off the equipment.

"iPad," Alana replies, her eyes sparkling a bit too much as she directs three streams of particle-dissolving energy. Lena sometimes gets a distinct whiff of Kate McKinnon's character in Ghostbusters, except that not only is Alana weird and unapologetic and intense, she's also a first-generation immigrant. She tears through American pop culture like Kara tears through potstickers, so Lena's never 100% sure if Alana's showing up in an outfit that looks like business-safe cosplay on purpose or not. Some city in Nigeria is missing their resident mad genius, to National City's benefit. ===== "Uh, hi."

Rude, is all Lena can think at first. She had heard through the 'DEO to Alex to Kelly to the group texts of doctors who deal with aliens' pipeline that Supergirl had gone from on-patrol to emergency use only around the time that blogs gushed about one of CatCo's human passing journalists coming out as alien and then leaving the company. She was trying very hard not to stalk Kara's Instagram at the time so she didn't follow up. Something something independent reporter in the field somewhere somewhere bringing attention to the plight of someone someone.

Lena only avoided full-on alcoholism over the last year by screening out all reminders of Kara's existence, which let her pretend. Which didn't make it hurt any less when Jess came into her office a few months ago and said that Kara Danvers had come by to ask if Lena had gotten a new cell phone. Kara's first thought wasn't Lena being a cruel, overdramatic mess of gay thirst and Luthor trauma. She trusted Lena's good nature, so her first thought was clerical error.

Kara seems to have taken being ghosted in stride because she spent the last six months getting somehow even hotter than she already was, which probably violates some United Nations Convention on placing dangerous pressure on the human body or something.

Her hair is the same length, but it's tied in a hasty ponytail that's tied off with a scrunchy made of honest-to-god paracord the same crimson as her cape. She's let the curl come back in--how did she straighten it, anyway?--so it doesn't look like Supergirl's sheets of gold more suited for a damsel in diaphanous silk than the halo of an avenging angel. What it evokes is a stallion's mane, glossy in the harsh light and waving as the beast moves.

The dresses that never suited her are gone, and the button ups are back but now they're a thick flannel or something worn half-unbuttoned over a burgundy tee shirt that clings tight and reveals the corners of the suit's breastplate underneath. She could trace the glyph through it, which means if Lena could only get her out of the damn suit, it would revea--FOCUS, she reminds herself--and rather than CatCo-required chinos Kara is in black denim that hangs loose at rest but molds to her muscles when she walks over to put her coat across the 'patient clothing' rack. Each flex and tense tells Lena way too much about how powerful her thighs are and also not nearly enough about what it would feel to have the--FOCUS, Lena--and Jesus take the wheel Kara's even wearing combat boots covered in a fresh coat of pale dust that could just as easily be from a hiking trail north of town or a warzone in Somalia.

"It's funny. On the plane, back from Kasnia? I almost told you."

When she couldn't stop fidgeting with her glasses. Her hair was a mess when she escaped from the Eve clones. She had her glasses off and her hair down and she was going to show me... Lena realizes.

She makes a sound she doesn't even recognize and suddenly she's in Kara's arms, her knees sting from hitting the floor before Kara knelt with her. She's slapping ineffectively against the protective firmness around her and watching her own tears fall like it's happening to someone else.

Kara shushes her and rocks her back and forth and doesn't ask before kissing her forehead. Lena doubts she thought about it consciously. Maybe when she is released, she can complain about lack of consent or maybe she'll demand another kiss to make it all better.

=====

"Lena, I really can't do this. Not like this, not with you."

Reality slams down around Lena like the doors in a haunted house closing.

"Of course. I can schedule you with Alana or per-"

Kara molds her hands to Lena's hipbones and pulls her into her arms. She takes her with force, cupping Lena's head and holding her fast. She nips at Lena's lip and uses the moan as a chance to lick into Lena's mouth. Hot and wet and impatient, her tongue seasoned with ginger and orange and grease, cut with the waiting room mints. She kisses like she eats, greedily and curiously and bottomless. Kara hums and holds and presses and licks and nips and sucks. She brings one hand up to Lena's neck and curls around her pulse, rubbing her thumb along Lena's windpipe. She doesn't seem to notice or care that Lena can't do this forever because Kara wants to do this forever and fuck human failings like a need for oxygen. Lena has to bite her tongue to get her to retreat. It would've drawn blood on a human but Kara just moans and pulls back.

"Christ, Kara."

Kara licks her lips lazily. The chilly blue that reminds Lena of ice caps and winter skies is darkened and her pupils are swollen and fucking hell Lena can even see little white crackles in the depths of them, rising towards the surface like caged lightning.

#supercorp #soft butch #kara danvers #lena luthor #alien fun bits #supergirl

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pleasantwizardphilosopher · 3 years

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Blooming

This is chapter 4 of my current fic, I am posting them here as well as in AO3 just because, I really hope you like it, let me know if there are mistakes and your thoughts overall.

Supergirl arrived at Zor-El headquarters like a speeding bullet, almost breaking the sound barrier, out of sheer excitement. Things with the CEO went beyond her wildest dreams, not only was the joint project approved, almost, since Lena still has to sit down with the same old misogynists and make them approve the budget, however, the Maiden of Might has no doubt that the green-eyed genius will make them bend under her gaze. She herself, felt her knees growing weak every passing minute in the woman’s presence, she is now certain that the CEO can bend steel *wink *wink. Furthermore, the Kryptonian has gotten the opportunity of working side-by-side with Lena (isn’t that a beautiful name?), the same one she has been in awe with for several years; watching the CEO work up close was something the Kryptonian never even dared dream of, as it was something she always thought to be quite impossible, because although their companies aim for similar purposes, their markets and social statuses are entirely different.

Moreover, she is certain that there is something bonding them together, what, she isn’t sure exactly, there is just this itching crawling under her skin, making all her nerves tingle with excitement, wanting to grab the Irish goddess and hold her close, to protect her, to know her entirely, to pull a smile from crimson lips, to make sure that she feels safe, validated and supported in a way the Girl of Steel is now certain Lena has never experienced, she also wants to tear down all the walls she has built around herself and know the real Lena, the one that’s deeply hidden behind years of trauma and abuse, and it frightens her, her whole life she’s always wanted to make friends, sure, she’s friendly by nature, but this, this depth, she has never before encountered and albeit the horizon seems promising, scary as well but first and foremost promising; it’d imply bringing to light many things that she’d truly rather not. However, as they say, time will tell, and she definitely wants to see what lays on the other side.

The first thing the Superfriends get to after receiving the good news from Kara is to slightly modify the organization of the company’s headquarters; during the last year of their superheroing endeavors they installed a vigilance room to allow their crime-fighting activities to go smoothly (ish). Said room is in the basement, the vault where they keep their prototypes is still there, occupying one full corner; however multiple monitors and computers had been installed as well, to keep track of Nia and Kara while they’re on the field; there are several chairs, and a platform is installed on the middle for debriefing and planning. There are also four suit holders, where Dreamer’s and Supergirl’s suits are, as well as prototypes for Winn and Brainy’s, in case they ever want to join them on the spot. Since they are one of the most innovative tech companies, many of their security and communications prototypes are firstly tested by them on life-saving missions, taking the devices to their tipping point, that way they ensure that every single device and software launched works perfectly under their prompted circumstances. What they added were a few biometric locks to avoid being discovered and a false wall that hides the elevator leading to the lowest floor. The rest of the building remains the same. Safe for the fact that Nia and Brainy have their own office and lab, respectively, on the third floor and on the second floor, where Winn’s supercomputing lab is, they’ve added a med-bay, after several injuries on the field and only a little bit of alcohol and cotton to treat them, some of their most successful medical equipment are used there.

The first time the two of them actually get together to work on the project, or more specifically, to go through the details of their work together; Kara arrives at the CEO’s office with a paper bag filled with doughnuts and two coffees on a cup holder, she's done her research (aka asked Jess) and now knows that the green-eyed woman likes her coffee black, which is something she honestly doesn’t get the fuss of. The Kryptonian thinks it's a great way to start this project, this working-relationship, starting with the right foot and all that, especially considering that she'll put forward her own lab for them to work on the project, is more private than the L-Corp tower, brimming with scientists and business people; and she'll feel a lot more comfortable there, having her friends and colleagues close and being a few steps away from her suit, in case her assistance is needed, is a lot less likely that the genius woman finds it suspicious, she just had to make sure that no scribbles in Kryptonian were left on her desk and project board, the ones she did have were (not) carefully folded (more like threw) in a locked drawer, away from prying eyes.

When she's let into the office, after giving Jess a couple of doughnuts for her invaluable help with her ‘getting to know Lena’ research; she cannot help but be struck dumb (again), and surprisingly it never gets old, at the sight of the Irish woman. The CEO is standing facing the city through her office’s windows, her silhouette highlighted by the sunlight flooding the office, she is wearing a crimson red three-piece suit that fits her perfectly, after she turns around, Kara can see that underneath she’s wearing a black button up, and her signature red lipstick, the whole outfit paired with dangerously high heels. She gestures for the hero to sit down on her very white couch so they can thoroughly review the information they have and design their project’s timetable and budgets, her eyes are glinting like light reflecting from beautiful emeralds, unblemished, there is curiosity written all over them and she smells wonderful, the strong smell of the coffees the blonde is still holding do nothing to diminish the smell of cinnamon and a citric perfume coming from the CEO.

Lena, on the other hand, finds herself to be intrigued by the woman sitting in front of her, she’s wearing a white and black flannel paired with khaki pants and a simple belt at her hips, her hair is braided perfectly and falls over her shoulder; and the whole outfit makes her look so young and innocent that the CEO has to refrain from wanting to hug her, which is not a common circumstance she finds herself in, for someone as touch starved as she is. The scent of the coffees she’s brought still lets a scent of vanilla and lavender get to her nose and she feels at ease, for the first time in who knows how long. She should be worried, about someone having such strong effect on her, but she honestly isn’t, it feels as natural as breathing, there is something about those cerulean blue eyes that settle her heart and even her breathing, like coming home after a long day at work, or falling asleep into a mother’s embrace, she finds it to be really easy to just let go and be.

Both of them engage in shy smiles and deer eyes for a few moments, all boardroom meetings and upcoming deadlines forgotten. With the information they have now they know for sure that current solar panels are very inefficient, you can power two computers and a light bulb tops with the best ones available on the market, and not for a very long time, as their reliability is quite low. But with the system proposed by the Kryptonian who, with huge compliments to Alex, for helping her with the cellular growth and with her help as medical specialist to analyze the results; has spent the past two months thoroughly evaluating her cells solar absorption. The system will work as follows, the nanoparticles oscillate when solar radiation hits them, this is due to a quantum phenomenon called surface plasmon resonance that enhances the radiation through the oscillation of the particles, as a result of their electromagnetic fields, to the wavelength of certain radiations, solar now, and hence, the energy obtained is higher than that of the incident light, then, this enhanced energy in the form of light will go to the circuitry, which will do... something, Kara isn’t entirely sure as to what exactly, even with her engineering background the circuitry she can think of will be huge and inefficient; to turn the radiation into current and voltage so it can be stored in batteries and transported, if necessary.

Lena laughs softly at the woman’s circuitry perception and pipes in, explaining her own vision for the circuitry, she has been thinking about it for the past months, getting all her knowledge together to develop the best system, she proposes to build nanobots that will act as small transformers, turning raw energy into voltage with the aid of electron energies, which are directly bound to voltage, jumping from one orbital to another, however, now that she understands the blonde's idea better, she had been quite secretive about this, she thinks they can add a cobalt isotope battery that would allow the system to store the energy for further use and for long periods of time without any significant decay; the system would allow power to be distributed evenly with no current peaks or voltage drops. They also agree on having the nanobots programmed with a failsafe to prevent the system from supercharging. As enraptured as they are in their little science discussion, finally having someone who gets their brilliant minds and has more ideas, challenging one another, time flies for both of them, and suddenly they have to part ways to keep with their day, having been discussing ideas and details for several hours, there are now several pressing matters that they need to attend. As she is walking out of the office, Kara spears one more look at the green-eyed genius, who is now checking something on her laptop, after turning on the TV in mute, if she didn’t know better, she’d say she’s smitten, but that is a dumb idea.

When Lena is left alone in her office again, she feels light as a feather, in a way she had forgotten one could feel, this project holds many expectations, for both of them, nonetheless, she can finally let her mind free, without being afraid that someone may feel threatened by her intelligence. Smiling softly to herself she turns her attention to her laptop, in order to keep going through accumulated emails and paperwork; remembering then to do something she takes out her phone to call Sam, her CFO and best friend, to let her know about the project and the fact that although she will still be working as CEO and taking care of whatever fires need her attention, the rest of the every-day paperwork will go directly to her, as well as any boardroom meetings (thank God for that), as she herself will be busy with the project.

They are animatedly talking about a certain blonde when a streak of red and blue on her TV catch her attention. Supergirl is rescuing several kids from a severe accident, where their school bus was pushed out of the road and down a cliff by a lory speeding out of control, the images are startling, the destruction left behind by the bus rolling down the hill shows very bad premonitions for the kids’ safety and overall health. However, Dreamer and Supergirl are giving all they have to rescue them as soon as possible, the blonde hero is flying the children to safety five at a time, while Dreamer is holding the bus with blue-energy constructs, to keep it from sliding further into the ocean, from the images being shown, she can tell that the young hero is struggling, even though the Super is taking them out at an impressive speed. Emergency services have started arriving and providing first aid to the more severely injured ones, most of the kids have several bruises and cuts, but she can tell, even with how far the camera is, that some are at actual risk, the few ambulances that have arrived and the traffic piling on both directions are a bad premonition to those who were pierced by metallic pieces or have broken bones, particularly broken ribs.

Kara is gritting her teeth together, trying to keep herself as focused as possible, which is hard on the light of the events. The bus had twenty-seven five- to ten-year-olds, most of them managed to hold onto something the moment their transport was pushed off the road and only show minor scratches and bruising. However, there are a few who are severely injured, and Nia is struggling greatly to keep the bus from keep rolling down the hill and into the ocean, as it is quite heavy and the dirt she’s standing on is very unstable, making her slide further helplessly, hence, she cannot fly to a hospital those whose life is at risk, because even though she can fly extremely fast, human composition and physiology wouldn’t withstand such extreme conditions. She can only hope for the best and try to pull them all faster, one problem at a time.

Without thinking twice, the CEO activates a few codes on her computer and a swarm of aid drones are launched from a nearby warehouse. On screen she sees how the drones arrive on site, giving first aid to anyone that needs it and allowing kids to jump out of the bus by their own feet, the older ones helping those who need it or are too young, the bus driver is the most injured one, nevertheless, she has improved her drones from the first time she presented them, and now they can assess a person and act accordingly faster, by the time Supergirl gets to him, his life is no longer in danger, albeit he’s still pretty beaten up. Through the camera of the drones, she sees the hero waving a thanks and then speeding off with the driver to the nearest ambulance, rushing afterwards to move the problem-causing lory out of the way, so that ambulances may leave as fast as possible, otherwise, all the effort put forward by them, the rescue teams and Lena, would be for nothing. Finally moving to Dreamer’s side to lift the bus back into the road where cranes can dispose it properly.

Letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, the raven-haired woman drops on her chair, just as the news shift from the rescue efforts to a report on how "a xenophobic group declares war on all aliens", according to an anonymous letter that was sent to the news channel, this groups seeks to fight for their planet, to avoid alien invasion and for humans’ rights, as “aliens are a threat to our way of life”. She feels all blood draining from her face, that sounds an awful lot to what her twisted family believed in, it cannot be though, after Lex was incarcerated, she pulled several strings among the board members, with hard evidence on how Lillian posed a threat to the company, resulting from sharing the same world-domination ideals she pushed onto her son; and thanks to her friends, Sam, Jack and Andrea, helping her buy shares from her mother through shell companies, the woman started losing her spot on the board, eventually being left with absolutely no power over L-Corp, as she owns only about 0.2% of the total shares. That way, Lena prevented her twisted mother from using the company’s resources to do something along the lines of what her brother did, and also from her getting enough money to fund whatever twisted idea of patriotism and ‘right or wrong’ she has. But this, this could very much be their doing, she’ll have to dig into it and make sure that her sick relatives, have nothing to do with it, maybe even find out whoever is actually behind it and put a stop to this nonsense. There is a dread deep in her stomach, that tells her otherwise.

Lena parks her car at the entrance, she is at the direction Kara gave her. She’s wearing black jeans with leather boots and a deep green turtleneck sweater underneath a thigh-high grey coat, as it is the beginning of January and this year’s winter has been quite cold, she can see the puffs of her breath condensing on the air in front of her every time she exhales; the building she’s in front of are the Zor-El Technologies headquarters, she isn’t sure what she was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t this. The building is big, from the outside she’s certain that they would need a few hundred people to fill it, it has huge floor-to-ceiling windows on every floor, and the glass is, she’s certain, bulletproof (the fuck?), which is quite startling, and polarized, so that someone from the outside can’t see what’s happening on the inside but without preventing sunlight from streaming in, however, from the inside you could clearly see the outside. The only detail that differentiates this building as the one from a tech company is the huge Z hanging on the front from the rooftop. She approaches the glass doors, which slide open as soon as she nears them, and is stunned to see that there is no one, no secretary, no front desk, no security detail; there are a few cameras and the lobby is clean, open-spaced, with dark wooden floors and a few paintings hanging from the wall, in the furthest wall, there is an elevator, and coming out from it, is Kara.

The cheery blonde is wearing denim jeans with heeled ankle boots, making her look a few centimeters taller than the CEO; a light pink polo shirt covered by an open lab coat. She hands the green-eyed woman a card with her name on it, which she assumes is her access card, and is quite surprised to see the easiness with which she was given access to this building, family name aside and knowing that she may not have access to all floors and stuff, it’s still refreshing in a way. She is then led to the elevator, where she swipes her card and presses the button to the first level, where she now knows Kara’s lab is, and where she will be spending a lot of time until the end of this joint project. When the doors open, she gives herself a moment to observe.

There are several workbenches across the space, underneath them all are cabinets that contain chemicals and solvents, she assumes; there are tools scattered messily over some tables, screwdrivers, LED’s, tweezers, mixed oddly with Erlenmeyer flasks, hot plates, test tubes and other glassware. On the furthest left corner, right in front of the windows, is a desk, with a small lamp and a laptop, beside it is a cork board filled with scribbles, notes and drawings from other projects the blonde must be working on. There is soft music playing from a couple of speakers next to the elevator and a big painting of a sunset, she thinks, because of the red-ish color of the sky, on the wall to her right. Again, she’s surprised by the easiness with which Kara has let her into her space, her life, because, as a scientist herself, she knows how hard it is to open the doors of her lab to just anyone, so this small gesture amazes her and fills her with warmth, she feels welcomed, there is a knowing feeling that from now on she’ll feel a lot like that.

Research is hard she knows this, even though the background check, patents, recent developments and discoveries; is already done, the first months of their project have been a bumpy ride, to say the least. Their first experiments have been disastrous, to put it nicely, the nanoparticles vary in size to a level of polydispersity were they don’t fulfill their purpose, the nanobots the genius woman has been trying to develop don’t work, not only do they not do what she’s programmed them to, but they don’t do anything at all and is fucking infuriating. She should be able to do this, designing this kind of technology is not new to neither, particularly to the Irish genius, who has actually developed several nanotechnologies to improve life quality. In spite of that, good things have come up, the aching to know each other better, to find out more about them, paired with their constant failures has given them window to actually do so. And it’s heartwarming.

It starts with an invitation to get lunch together from Kara, after another very terrible outcome, they get on Lena’s car and drive downtown, which is only a few kilometers away from the warehouse. They eat at a Chinese restaurant, the best on National City, according to Kara. Engaging into small talk with the blonde, is easy, Lena finds, there is no judgment coming from her, she just listens, sapphire blue eyes earnest and filled with interest, honest interest, making her feel like she’s the only thing that matters; and gives reassurance whenever the Irish woman needs it, even without her actually voicing it, she just notices. What was meant to be a short lunch, became hours of them talking about everything and nothing, the outside world and that stupid project, vanishing for them. Lavender and citric coffee. Green and blue. Kara finds herself lost in kryptonite green eyes, warm and glinting, and a soft smile, the way her hair falls in dark waves only adding more and more to the softness of the woman in front of her, who has suffered and lost so much, she unknowingly and silently makes it her life’s mission to protect this beautiful human being, vowing to no one but herself to always stand up to that promise.

After a few more lunch dates they start getting close, the pull their hearts experience, stronger than ever. The first time Kara goes forward with a hug as a way to greet the raven-haired genius, Lena stiffens as a rock, not being used to such closeness, it takes her a few more attempts at physical contact but when she gives in, she finds her new favorite place, in the blonde’s arms. There is something about the way Kara hugs her that makes her feel at ease and safe, like a small precious creature that needs to be taken care of, as if she were fragile and invaluable, the scent of vanilla and flowers that she has now come to associate with the woman, dizzying, and her warmth, protecting. She feels certain that no one has ever said so much and yet so little with the simplest wrap of arms. She surely has gotten a little enraptured by her hugs. And her eyes, she’s not sure she’s ever seen bluer eyes than those, and she finds captured by them every single time. At first, she felt like they could be deceiving, however, as time went by, she has come to realize that she can read them like an open book, whether is worry or affection, she knows what Kara is feeling, and she’s now certain that the woman can also read her with that same easiness.

Will she ever get used to this woman’s presence? Somehow, she truly hopes not, is addicting the way the baby hairs at the base of her neck seem to electrify the moment she gets into Lena’s eyeline, how her breathing becomes shallower and everything else in her line-of-sight fades. After more than six months working together, she still loses her bearings every single time the raven-haired woman crosses the doorstep of her lab, it’s been natural, the way she seems to exist in her space, the way the move around each other as if they’ve been doing this for years instead of a few months. She has become attuned to the sound of her heartbeat, knowing the precise instant she arrives at the door of the warehouse, to her constant smell of citrus and coffee, she is now an addict of. Moreover, she’s addicted to her smile, her laugh, the way her dimples show whenever she is actually letting herself feel, long gone is the mask of the no-nonsense, cold-blooded CEO every newspaper feasted on.

Lena, on the other hand, has devoted her entire mind to this project, after the first months of failure, they both started gaining momentum and now they seem unstoppable, the device will still take some time as it is groundbreaking and will move Earth’s technology forward several years; however, their progress is excellent and is going ahead of their own agenda. The Luthor is so enraptured by the project that whenever she’s not working on it, her mind is reeling with possibilities; she can’t help it, she is so excited that whenever a new idea or pathway pops into her mind, she springs out of bed and drives to their lab, Kara’s lab, to keep working. After a few times Kara caught her in there, she made it her new purpose to make sure that the woman eats and sleeps properly, becoming aware of her terrible work habits. For Lena, it’s grounding in a way, the fact that someone actually cares for her, is new, and at first it scared her, but she’s come to realize that it’s deeply rooted into the blonde, she truly cares, and her kindness is blinding.

They have become accustomed to each other, and have started opening more, mostly Lena, since Kara still has a super big secret, she’s yet to come clean. The Kryptonian now knows about all the abuse Lena has endured throughout her life. How even though Lillian never actually hit her, she would still make her hate towards the green-eyed woman very well-known, criticizing every single detail, from her posture, to her eye-color, her freckles and every little imperfection she could find; humiliating her for sins she never committed, like that one time she decided to go to a party, during summer, and returned home soaking wet, as a downpour had broken lose, and Lillian made her cook for her and Lex, with her clothes soaked as punishment, and then berated her for dripping water on the floor, forcing her to clean with a rag and a bucket, on her knees. Kara’s heart broke that time, so badly that she couldn’t stop herself and hugged the woman trying to convey all her support and care. Running her fingers through black strands, whispering tenderly into her ear that it wasn’t her fault and that she is worthy.

Kara knows about the huge betrayal her brother committed that time when he went rouge and tried to kill Superman, using one of her own inventions to synthesize kryptonite and embed it into his Lexosuit. She has never trusted anyone after that. Simultaneously, Lena knows that Kara is adopted, she hasn’t given a lot of information about her life prior to the Danvers, but she’s certain it was horrible and traumatizing, she doesn’t want to pry, but she can tell from the way the light in those blue eyes seem to vanish, like a suffocated candle, the way there is a red glint to them, whenever she mentions that she failed, that she should’ve been better, smarter. And Lena holds her, rubs her back and lets her crumble and cry, she’s certain that this personification of the sun had nothing to do with whatever happened and she needs her to understand that, it’s hard. Without them knowing, their hearts started opening, giving the other a soft spot, always there, prevailing, waiting.

Kara has a drawer filled with snacks. Lena is not ever sure why she is surprised by that when the woman is literally always munching on something, how she doesn’t gain weight, she sure as hell doesn’t know; but there is just something about opening her desk’s drawer, which surface is always filled with scribbles, experiments records and calculations, and find it filled to the brim with snacks, from Poky’s to chips and… is that one of the pastries she bought last month? The CEO shakes her head in disbelief, a loving smile forming on her lips, and tries not to think about it too deeply, she absolutely doesn’t steal a chocolate bar. Sitting on a stool in front of the prototype she’s currently trying to make work, her thoughts inevitably drift to how her life has been for the past months. When she first started working in this lab, she got to know all of Kara’s friends and colleagues, and she was impressed again about the easiness with which they let her in. But being alone in Kara’s lab is something else entirely, it is not the first time this has happened, the blonde sometimes remembers she has to do something last minute and gets to it, leaving Lena on her own. Is a small gesture, but it never fails to turn her into goo, being trusted so blindly by someone so caring, she has seen the blonde playing with kids and eating unhuman amounts of ice cream, she is certain that the woman is the impersonation of goodness and the sun, and it makes her feel something she hasn’t given the time, nor wanted to for that matter, to analyze, shoving everything in little mind boxes, her life is pretty messed up without the added weight of feelings, especially with the whole anti-alien campaign.

She pinches the bridge of her nose to try and lessen the upcoming migraine she can feel the beginnings of. Whoever is behind that letter has been working from the dark, pulling strings here and there and planting the seeds of hatred towards aliens. National City has been one of the main destinations of displaced aliens and there were already growing sentiments before this whole thing, nevertheless, there weren’t any actual actions towards them, there are now. A few protests against the recognition of aliens as citizens has arisen, and there are now several youtubers who ‘state facts’ on how aliens are a threat to the human race, a speech about how aliens are taking their jobs and invading their spaces, how they will come and conquer, and who knows what other bullshit. At first she was sure this little uprising was going to end quite fast, and never really gain strength or followers, she was wrong, it turned out that a lot of humans had resentments towards aliens and this has just spurred them to the surface, many other humans who have lost their jobs to aliens have also joined and now is a very wide movement throughout the city that doesn’t seem likely to go down in the near future and is worrying, this kind of hatred-guided obsessions always escalate to more violence from both sides and who knows what could happen.

Sighing and hoping for the best, she turns around to keep working in her nanobots while Kara arrives and drags her to grab some dinner, smiling to herself at the thought of their now usual routine, where they work together all day, Kara always bringing something for lunch for them and at the end of the day she’d drag the raven-haired genius to either her apartment or the blonde’s and they’d have dinner, if Lena was in the mood she’d cook for them, not letting Kara touch anything, being remitted to chopping, if not they’d just simply order something and then watch some Netflix or another rom-com that Kara needs Lena to know (is general knowledge Lena). It fills her body with goosebumps the way they have gotten close, understanding each other easily, as if it had been always them, forever each other. She’s not usually this cheesy, though.

#supercorp #karlena #lena luthor #supergirl #i am supercorp trash #kara danvers #idiots i swear #please give me feedback #they are actual dorks #we love them

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masterofmagnetism · 3 years

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my head is the room, and the room's filled with broken glass (oh, the pieces i can't put back)

“She’d never seen him make a mistake, never seen even for a second Erik Lehnsherr lose a scrap of the control he always seemed to keep a tight leash on.”

WHO: Erik Lehnsherr, Jean Grey @jeaniegreysummers, and Lorna Dane @mistressxfmagnetism References to Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers, Lena Luthor, Scott Summers, Maddie Pryor, & Charles Xavier WHEN: 14 days before [redacted] WHERE: Genosha WHAT: A father-daughter sparring session goes terribly wrong. One slip of the tongue brings a two-decade-long deception crashing down, leaving no one unscarred. In which Erik royally fucks up many many times, Lorna discovers the truth of what happened to her mother and stepfather, and Jean questions whether her trust has been well-placed. WORD COUNT: 13.1k WARNINGS: Strap in: violence, gaslighting, manipulation, brainwashing, plane crashes, murder, PTSD, death mentions, trauma, infidelity, abuse, and egregious acts of hypocrisy.

ERIK: Peace was a fragile thing.

Sure, they'd won their island; won independence, freedom, safety, a breath of fresh air (well, fresh-ish; one could only ask for so much when New York City sat just a fifteen minute ferry ride away). Genosha was growing nicely, people were settling in, and everything seemed to be going well.

Erik should be happy, but instead he found himself agitated and on edge. Complacency was dangerous. Faith in humanity's ability to leave them alone had always been hard to come by, and a few signed pieces of paper did little to ease his worries; the Native Americans had gotten their treaties, too, for all the good it did them. With humans, danger was always lurking somewhere on the horizon, and he refused to lower his guard.

Which is where the training came in. Mutants couldn't understand their powers better without using them, without pushing their limits and seeing how far they could go. Ric had gone from quaking buildings to dragging an island out of the sea. Jean had the Phoenix at her disposal, sure, but even outside of it she was classed as an Omega-level telekinetic. No upper limit. Here, where it was safe, she needed to push what she could already do. ( He needed to know how far she could be pushed. ) And Lorna... well, he'd seen her do far more than she was doing now at a much younger age. She could do more, be so much more.

A good father, a good leader, would help them find out just how far they could go.

The last set of projectiles successfully deflected, Erik retaliated against their joint attack with one of his own, reversing the magnetic fields around his daughters' feet to off-balance them as he sent a return volley of his own.

JEAN: The war was won. That’s what Jean kept repeating to herself, in the brief moments she had in peace and relative quiet. The war was won, and yet she hadn’t stopped for even a second, barely an instant, to look around at what they had accomplished. Her days and nights blended together as she attended to training and patients at Sara Memorial Hospital, Genosha growing up around her as she built their new healthcare system from the ground up. She was desperately out of her depth and she knew it, but the level of education most mutants could hope to attain was slim to none. The people who arrived in her department wanted to better themselves, and she would do everything she could to pass on her knowledge, soon finding that her abilities could be used in new and unique ways to aid her mission.

The Phoenix would protect her. She would protect her family, her country, her people. Jean knew that now, without a shadow of a doubt (maybe a small shadow). The Phoenix would protect her, but the minutia of creating this new life? That was down to Jean, and she had been neglecting her training up to this point. Luckily, she had one of the best teachers in the world on hand, and a fellow student just as eager to refine her abilities.

“Are we playing dirty, Erik?” Jean called out, an exhilarated smile on her face as she pushed out her hands, focusing on the atoms in the air around her and forcing them to steady so she could float above the ground. “I thought we were going for a warm up round, first.” Of course, if he was going to play hardball -- as she knew he would -- Jean wasn’t going to hold back. She looked over at Lorna, winking at her as she formed a telepathic link between them.

Think of it as comms, she thought at Lorna. How are we getting around this?

LORNA: Winning Genosha had felt like a dream, and for the first few weeks Lorna was waiting to wake up from it. Waiting for their victory to be snatched out from under them. The war was won, but how long had they been at war? She didn't know how to be at peace any more. She didn't trust that it would last. Even in times when she felt unbreakable and untouchable, she was angry. Angry at the thought that they would try. Because she was sure someone would.

Training with Jean and Erik was a good distraction from that. She had seen Erik do things she could imagine having the power to do, but she was sure that anything he could do, she could too. He'd simply had longer to train, she reasoned. She could become stronger, especially with the right teacher. And now, she finally had the time to learn.

"Erik doesn't know how to play fair," Lorna countered, pushing straight back against his magnetic fields. She'd found that they seemed to reflect each other in that way; the polarity of her powers mirrored his, but perfectly opposite. She couldn't completely undo it, but it held her steady for now.

Hearing Jean in her mind, she glanced over with a grin of her own. Distract him. Break his concentration and I can try reversing it on him. Try being the operative word. This was unfamiliar to her, but hell if she wouldn't mimic what she felt. Unless you've got a better plan?

ERIK: He grinned across the field at the two of them as they stabilized themselves. "No such thing as playing dirty, Jeannie. You play to win or you play to lose." Erik tilted his head, felt his powers branch out and sink into the ground beneath them.

"Besides, you two don't need a warm-up round. Not my girls." Even now, he could see by their shared glances, the two of them were scheming. No doubt courtesy of Jean's telepathy. He'd expected that, though.

Lorna's magnetism pressed at his own, a tug that required actual work not to cede to.

An idea took shape, and Erik smirked before wrapping his powers around a piece of scrap metal in Lorna's side of the bubble, creeping up from the ground. He could resist her pull. It couldn't, not without direction, and he gave it none, letting it sail toward his daughter and pick up speed.

JEAN: Scott kept looking at her, lately. She couldn’t track his gaze from behind the shades, but she’d never had to in order to feel his eyes on her. He kept looking at her, reaching out over the kitchen table as they sat reading or eating dinner, leaning against her side when they walked. He wanted her to talk about it, she knew. He wanted her to let it go, wanted her to stop crawling back into that space where she bottled everything up, shoved it into cardboard boxes barely contained in the back of her mind and pretended desperately that they were never there in the first place.

(It was always Charles who told her to control it. Erik was the one extending a hand, that sharp smile on his face, suggesting that she was a little too tense for her own good, that letting off just a little steam would help. It was always Erik that had faith she wouldn’t crack the world in half when that happened.)

The problem with letting go, though, was she needed something to let go of. Jean’s family -- her biological family, at least -- were gone, dead, buried. All of them were dust with the exception of Maddie, and Jean felt nothing. Unless Scott, Erik or Maddie told their friends, Jean wasn’t going to be the one to divulge her latest failing (and tragedy). She had other things to focus on.

There was always another battle to focus on.

They’d fought so hard for this that Jean was content to focus all she had on the here and now, in this moment of relative peace. (A small part of her mind wondered how Erik could slip off Lorna’s tongue so easily when even as a child herself, it had been preceded by hesitation, always ... Erik, always on the brink of something else.) “There are different ways to win, though,” she called back, sending a telepathic confirmation to Lorna regarding her advice. “Alex Danvers seems a little irritated at you for throwing her friend down an elevator shaft.”

It was teasing, of course. Hurting people was never something Jean revelled in, at least not when she was in her right mind, but … well, she had to admit there was something appealing in it. “But if we are playing to win, you have to know my dirty is a little different to yours.” Only a little, and there was far less distance between them than Jean had once thought, but where Erik used a little more physical means of intimidation, Jean was all mental. “I might not be able to use telepathy, but there are other ways to get into your head. Everyone’s got secrets, right?”

LORNA: The last year had been a turbulent one for Lorna in more ways than she could count. But a prominent one stood before her. Erik. Magneto. Her father. Lorna had known for a long time that her dad wasn't her dad. That Magneto was her father. But for a long time she'd rejected it, rejected him, in the way she'd felt rejected by him. Abandoned even. Those letters, coming just once a year, was not enough to make him her dad. But these past months... Lorna had nearly slipped up more than once, even if Erik rolled off the tongue easier than anything else still. But after everything that had happened... He was finally feeling like her dad.

And they were more alike than Lorna had ever realised. Lorna had been told most of her life how much she looked like her mother. How she took after her. But she had seen this year that those things that no one could place came from her father. Her anger, her stubborn sense of justice. Her instabilities. She saw them mirrored in him more than she'd like to admit. But it gave her insight into him beyond what one ought to have in just a year.

"Definitely," she added to Jean. Although she was insanely curious about what Jean was saying, Lorna knew that she had no time to listen. Jean was giving her an opportunity, she had to use it. She wanted to know about these secrets, but she didn't have a chance right now. Not if she wanted to win this fight. She pushed hard, reversing the pull of their magnetic fields until he was thrown off. Feeling the scrap metal sailing into her own field, Lorna glanced over her shoulder and using the momentum it had already gained, flung it towards Erik, hard and fast.

ERIK: There were pieces of him in all of his children. Not just genetically, not in the literal sense--Jean and Scott were his as surely as any of them, blood ties or not. Each bore some glimmer of his best and worst qualities.

Lorna had his powers, of course. She had his drive to protect what was theirs, to pull no punches against enemies that would see them hurt or killed, his ruthlessness. There were other things, too, things he'd caught glimpses of here and there over the last few months; hints of the waves of manic focus and the subsequent crashes. They didn't talk about it, just like they didn't talk about Erik's drinking or Lorna's risk-taking or the million other unhealthy coping mechanisms they'd both collected.

Scott had his strategic mind, the sort that could fine-tune plans until they were elegant pieces of art rather than a simple series of hopeful steps. He had that charisma that drew people to follow him, into peace and war alike. He had the same distrust of authority figures, even the ones he cared for, after years of being abused at their hands, that creeping paranoia that colored Erik's thoughts more often than he cared to admit.

Jean had his fire--and he had Jean's, now, in the most literal of senses. Jean, who had known him longer than any of the others. Whose care for those she loved was enough to drag them back from the grave, who welcomed Erik back with open arms even after he'd left in a way that the others had taken longer to do. She'd been in his head, after all, one of only two people he trusted enough to let his guard down with; at least until the Phoenix. (It didn't make sense, he knew, because it was hers more than his, but it shushed that there was no need to worry her, no need for her to know all his secrets, and so the guards stayed up more often than not, these days.)

It was easy to get into their heads, because they were so much like his own. But he'd overlooked the all-too-simple detail that that connection went both ways.

Jean was right--she didn't need the telepathy to get in his head. She mentioned Alex Danvers, mentioned secrets, and had he been prepared for that sort of conversation, he might have been able to keep the expression of shock-guilt-annoyance off his face. But he wasn't, so he didn't, knocked off-balance by the non-sequitur.

How much did she know? That was the important question, and even though he got his face back in order quickly, his mind was slow to follow, branching out into questions and hypotheticals and what-ifs.

"I don't know what you--" he started, only to be cut off by a sudden push from Lorna, followed shortly thereafter by the piece of scrap he'd tossed in her direction. He cursed, and managed to bring up a small shield. It wasn't enough to stop the impact, sending him flying off his feet.

Erik grunted as he hit the ground, mind moved on from the topic of Jean and Kara to the fight. Adrenaline sang in his veins, and Erik rolled to flash both of them a grin before reaching out with his powers as he'd experimented with a few times while the Sentinels were a threat, curving the light ( electromagnetism was his ) that should bounce from him to their eyes up and away.

A disappearing act.

"Time to think bigger."

JEAN: There was so much of the world that Charles and Erik respectively had prepared her for. Charles taught her empathy, compassion, built on an innate, natural desire to help people that Jean had been fostering since she was a child, that was threatened when Annie bled out on that pavement and when she spent her teenage years facing off against hatred and discrimination. Erik taught her something sharper, bringing out that other side, the side that was desperately angry at what her family was facing. Jean saw the way people glared at Hank on the street. She heard the thoughts that went through her parents’ minds when they looked at Scott. She knew what every single person thought about mutants within the city’s boundaries, and it was enough to drive her insane -- if she hadn’t had Erik.

It was Erik who taught her how to breathe, how to recentre herself, how to trust in her own instincts. Mutant abilities, he said, were their birthright, their culture, the only legacy they were allowed to keep. They were protective mechanisms and the way for them to propel their people into the future. Being mutant meant being powerful, and for so long Jean had been terrified of that power. Erik never was. He never faltered. He never thought to hide her away, never told her to dampen those flames.

In many ways, as ironic as it was to admit, the skills and qualities Erik had taught her were more likely to attract the Phoenix in the first place rather than anything else. He was a part of her, even if there were years when they both pretended they were nothing other than mutants on opposite sides of a civil rights movement, employing completely contradictory tactics to get what they deserved.

Now, Lorna got that opportunity to learn. She got the opportunity to teach. Jean knew Lorna long before the truth was revealed about her parenthood. The young girl was already leading mutants underground, navigating borders and laws, putting herself at risk to defend those most vulnerable. It wasn’t Erik who made her that way -- it was all Lorna. Spending time with two of the people she loved most was as close to paradise as she could get.

(Death, she told herself, was inevitable. It would happen to all. Her parents, her siblings, her nieces and nephews -- they would just come back. Sara hadn’t, not yet, but it was all a matter of time. The Phoenix wouldn’t let her suffer.)

Erik faded from view, and Jean closed her eyes immediately, focusing on a lesson he had taught her once more. The atoms in the structures around her -- the ground he was standing on, the air that moved around him, the breath leaving his lungs -- moved and interacted, painting a telekinetic picture of exactly where he was standing. Two metres to the left, three in front, she sent to Lorna, but he’s moving quickly.

Her focus maintained until a niggle in the back of her head made it waver ever so slightly. The look on his face when she mentioned secrets … it was likely to be a trick of the light (surely that would be his justification) but Jean and psychology always ran closely together.

“Are we hiding today, Erik?” she called out. “I thought we were all about transparency these days.” (Half teasing, half serious -- the perfect balance, Jean thought, even as she could feel in her chest something would come of it she wasn’t anticipating. She was telepathic, not psychic.)

LORNA: Lorna envied Jean in some respects. While Lorna had been left with almost nothing from Erik, no guidance or support to speak of, Jean had been half raised by him. Jean had had what Lorna had yearned for from her father, even when her longing turned to resentment. And it was evident now with how easily Jean could affect the usually stoic Magneto, with just a few words, knowing just how to distract him so that Lorna's attack would land. Lorna just hoped that Jean didn't feel that flash of jealousy in her. It wasn't Jean's fault after all. And now wasn't the time, she had to focus.

Especially as Erik disappeared. Lorna's eyes widened in surprise. I didn't know that was possible. Her thoughts immediately jumped to the possibilities; anything Erik did, surely she could do to some extent. Lorna took Jean's advice on Erik's location and reached out mentally, letting the world around her fade into one of magnetic fields. Looking for Erik's patterns, for the disturbances. She couldn't focus on what Jean was saying, letting the conversation happen around her for now. Instead, she picked up the scrap metal around them again and flung it at Erik.

ERIK: Appearances were often deceiving. It was a cliche for a reason--90 years of life had proven it true time and time again. People pretended to be things they weren't, situations were rarely so clean-cut as they appeared, and your senses could be made to betray you a million different ways. Most people focused on what they saw in front of them, plain as day, and let that control their actions. But there was so much more to focus on, especially in a fight. Neither Jean nor Lorna let his disappearing act throw them off-guard; Jean closed her eyes to focus on her telekinesis instead, near-instantly, and after a moment of visible surprise, Lorna was stretching her hands out and feeling at the world that thrummed around the two of them constantly, that web of magnetic fields and electricity that Erik hadn't properly seen until the Phoenix.

He was moving fast, trying to stay ahead of their senses as best he could, and so he didn't have a qualm about speaking when they were focused on so much more than the source of his voice. "I am transparent, Jean, or are you not paying attention?" he tossed back cheekily.

Another toss of scrap metal in his direction, and this time he was ready for it. His focus on keeping himself hidden dropped, energy instead directed toward freezing the projectiles in their path like he had on a beach in Cuba a lifetime ago. It had been harder, then, but this came as easily as breathing.

"Well done, Lorna," he praised, because controlling as many different things as she had been with any degree of accuracy was difficult and she'd done so beautifully. He waved a hand, and the scrap began to liquify into bands of silvery metal around him, falling into orbit around him at its center. "You're still thinking small, though. Scrap is easy for your opponent to see, easy to predict. We're surrounded by bigger metal, in buildings and the ground and the sky that you can use without anyone seeing it coming."

He'll regret his next words for the rest of his life. He'll regret them the heartbeat after they leave his lips, in fact, but they come out anyway. He'd try to blame it on the Phoenix, later, blame it for a looser tongue, for focusing him too much on the fight and not enough on the conversation.

But it was all him. Getting lost in the fight was easy, and he didn't realize how little focus was on his words rather than the metal swirling around him until the damage was already done.

"We're surrounded by buildings, and drowned ships in the bottom of the harbor, and drones and satellites and a hundred other things above our heads, anymore. In a fight, use them. What's buried, what's hidden, what's aloft. I've dragged a submarine out of the sea, you've pulled a plane out of the sky, I know you're capable of more than flinging scrap metal."

He realized a second later what he'd said, but it was far too late by then to suck the words back inside.

JEAN: This was what it was all for, Jean thought to herself as she looked over at Lorna, her sister, watching the exhilarated smile on her face and seeing how she moved and adjusted to the fight. It was so easy for them to think themselves invincible, at least when they first developed their powers. Jean was the only child in school who could rip the gym from its foundations, who could hear exactly what her crush thought about her, who could manipulate teachers’ opinions with the click of her fingers if she wanted. When she was among the others in the Institute, she realised how much technique came with being in the big leagues -- and Lorna was by far a major player. This was the purpose of Genosha: a place for them to grow and develop in their gene given abilities, somewhere they could learn and teach and feel the world around them in ways only mutants could.

“I pay attention to everything, Erik,” Jean called back. “It’s just what I comment on that you know of.” The lessons that he was giving Lorna now were the same ones as he had only started when Jean was so much younger. While others prophesied control, boxing her emotions, Erik always encouraged her to let go (perhaps if she listened to him more, she would be a different woman now. Maybe if he had stayed, she wouldn’t feel this way). “Feel the environment, Lorna,” she said. “You’re a part of it, it responds to you.” If there was anyone who could think outside the box it was Lorna, who was quick witted and sharp in a way few other people were.

Of course, it didn’t take a quick wit to catch onto the implications of what Erik said. Even Jean, who had no knowledge of what he was referring to (a fight they’d faced together, perhaps, without her -- an idea that pulled unnaturally towards jealousy, even as a grown woman) could read it all over Erik’s face. It was unintentional, a slip of the tongue.

She’d seen Erik on the opposite side of a battlefield, watched him as he lost soldiers and families alike. She felt his grief, his guilt, his pain -- heard him talk about it, counselled him through it, bonded with him because of it.

She’d never seen him trip up like this. She’d never seen him make a mistake, never seen even for a second Erik Lehnsherr lose a scrap of the control he always seemed to keep a tight leash on.

“Erik,” she said, her focus disappearing entirely, the world settling down around her, the fight cold and forgotten. “What are you talking about?”

LORNA: She needed to think bigger. To pull from everything around her. The world was made of metal, she could control it all. Part of Lorna wanted to snap at Erik that maybe she'd be better, more advanced, if she'd had a teacher. If she hadn't spent her entire childhood hiding her powers and her adolescence being self-taught. But she bit her tongue, nodding instead. Taking Jean's advice, her mind began to try and rework how it viewed the room, try to see another angle. Until Erik caused the fight to come crashing to a halt.

Lorna half stuttered to a stop, all focus on Erik's use of their shared powerset, and how she might use that, gone. Instead, his words echoed in her brain, louder and louder until it felt overwhelming. ...you've pulled a plane out of the sky...you've pulled a plane out of the sky...you've pulled a plane out of the sky... She went deathly still, eyes locked on her father, her hands glowing without her even meaning to. To say Lorna hadn't been on many planes was... both true and untrue. Her dad--her mother's husband--had been a pilot, and up until the age of three, Lorna commonly travelled by plane with her parents. After the engine malfunction sent his plane crashing to the ground, leaving her the only survivor thanks to her powers manifesting, Lorna had hardly stepped foot on a plane. She'd only been in one crash. Only seen one plane crash. No. No way. The engines had malfunctioned. Lorna's powers just protected her.

"What are you talking about?" There was no room for taking it back, no acceptance of excuses in her voice. Erik wasn't making a grand statement of what she could do, he said she had done it. "Erik." It occurred to her briefly that he might be making it up, but for one thing she didn't believe he was that callous or cruel. For another, his own shock spoke otherwise. (And lastly, though she wanted to ignore it, something niggled inside her. Deep within her mind, she knew he was telling the truth.)

Lorna turned on Jean. "Do you know what he's talking about?" she demanded, half accusing and half begging for answers. But Jean seemed as lost as she was.

ERIK: The moment seemed to stretch on forever, the three of them standing frozen in silence. His daughters staring at him in shock--and anger, judging by the slow green glow appearing at Lorna's fingertips. There would be no convincing either of them that he'd misspoken. No way to take the words back, to pretend like he'd said or meant anything other than precisely what he had. Maybe one of them, one-on-one, he would be able to sway. But not both.

Damn it all.

The moment stretched taut, and then they were demanding answers almost in unison, and Lorna was turning on Jean, and Erik sidestepped and cleared his throat, watching the two of them carefully. Erik was rarely on the defensive. Even more rarely with his own children.

"Jean doesn't know, Lorna," he said, snapping their attention back to him. "It was a long time ago. She was a child, still.” Erik looked between Lorna and Jean, took a half-step forward and then lingered there, unwilling or unable to coax himself closer. "You know what I'm talking about, Lorna," he said quietly. "You don't remember it. You were too young." He took another half-step closer. "It wasn't your fault. I need you to know that."

JEAN: There were parts of Jean that Erik would always understand more than almost anyone else. There were parts of Erik that Jean didn’t need telepathy to understand on a fundamental level, to empathise with and connect them together. Some of those parts were good -- their determination, their curiosity, their desperate pursuit of knowledge, their dedication to family and mutantkind. Other parts …

Well, other parts were this. Other parts involved Jean, mere minutes after seeing her parents’ blood soaking into the carpet, looking down at a traumatised teenager and deciding that the best course of action was to make her forget. Derry was dangerous. She was angry, she was desperate, she missed her father and her aunts and uncles and everyone she’d ever known. She was, arguably, better off not knowing what happened that day, better off passing all the trauma onto Jean and living her life as best she could with a family who always wanted kids, a family who Jean knew would treat her well --

But that didn’t mean what Jean did was the right thing. It was easiest, perhaps. It was the most simple solution. It was the best one for Jean, instead of being looked at as a murderer by one of the last blood relatives (no, not blood) she had left. That’s what it came down to, in the end. The decision she made along with Maddie, the decision she made to the sound of Scott’s silence, was to clean up one of her own mistakes, to make it easier to live with.

Is that what Erik did here? Was that the legacy she was doomed to repeat, and Lorna as well?

Erik corrected Lorna quickly, and Jean blinked. He protected her, she knew that. He protected all of them. His daughters were his life, and she’d long been considered in that group. Protecting your family meant doing what was right for them, didn’t it?

(Jean loved Scott more than life, and she dragged him from the grave after he died fighting for a cause he believed in. She adored Maddie, and she never put voice to the fact that she doubted her sister was even real, that she still believed even now she was someone else entirely, someone she lost long ago. Jean loved people. She protected them. But what she did to them … it wasn’t right.)

It wasn’t your fault. It was the same thing he said to her when she approached him about her family, when she told him of the massacre that had occurred. It was the same thing she would say to Rachel, if the roles were reversed -- taking the responsibility onto her own shoulders, even if it was a lie. It wasn’t a lie, Erik said, and this time, when it came to Lorna, Jean believed it without a doubt.

She was only a child. A plane from the sky. (Jean thought of the nightmares that haunted her husband, then, of a parachute strapped to his back and propellers in flames and his brother screaming, clutched to his chest as they tumbled through a field, their parents long gone above them.)

“I think we need more information, Erik,” Jean said quietly, finally, the inside of her cheek tasting of blood on her tongue. “Just … tell us what you mean. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, right?”

LORNA: Jean didn't know. Even before Erik said anything, Lorna could see that. She trusted Jean implicitly. More than she trusted Erik some days (although she'd never really know if it was just that part of her that had felt rejected talking or an actual gut feeling that led her to question him). But Jean didn't know, and Erik wanted to protect her from Lorna's potential misguided anger. Lorna wasn't angry yet. She was confused, wary, but not yet angry. Erik's hesitant walking towards them and beginnings of an explanation, however, were making her think that was about to change very quickly.

You know what I'm talking about. Lorna's mouth twisted slightly as she summoned the words. She so rarely spoke about it. "The crash that killed my parents. The engines malfunctioned. My powers protected me." Erik had found her before emergency crews, brought her to her aunt and uncle. Too traumatic for memories was what the doctors had told her, what they'd told her aunt and uncle when she hadn't remembered any of it. It was her mind protecting itself. She'd been so confused. But Erik didn't say that... "No. I didn't remember it even as a kid." She did remember the aftermath though, even now. The grief, the loneliness she felt. The funeral. But not the crash.

She had to know. Because if it wasn't an engine malfunction... If it had been her... Why? Most mutants powers didn't trigger until they were teenagers, unless they were needed. Lorna had assumed it was her powers saving her that triggered them early. But she couldn't have brought down the plane if that were true.

She had to know. Her eyes turned to her sister.

"Jean. Show me. Even if I don't remember, the memories are there somewhere, right? Can you show me? I need to know what happened." She looked back at Erik. "Maybe it will help me understand what I can do," she added, daring him to argue.

ERIK: It wasn't anyone's fault, right? Erik huffed, shaking his head and scrubbing a hand through his hair. "Oh, no, it was someone's fault. But certainly not Lorna's."

Erik nodded slowly as Lorna mentioned the crash, though what she was saying wasn't the truth. It's what she'd been told, what she'd been led to believe. She would know that was a lie, soon enough, but Erik could still do damage control. Keep her from getting the full story, because some things were better left buried.

Lorna asked Jean to pull out her memories, and Erik's response was near-immediate. "No. Teasing them out by force could be retraumatizing," he said, crossing to stand next to them. "I can tell you what happened. Show you my memories of that day. If it brings the memories forward on its own, that's one thing, but Jean should not have to go digging up things that were buried."

He turned to Jean, and let his mental walls come down a bit. He knew she'd feel the anxiety, the frustration, and hoped that she didn't care to follow it to its source as to why he didn't want her in Lorna's head. "Let me show her."

JEAN: It was far from the first -- or the last, undoubtedly -- time Jean had been caught in the middle of a family dispute. The X-Men were closer than anything Jean had experienced before, but they were still volatile kids who had no idea how to be a part of something, and that came with challenges. She spent the majority of her teenage years smoothing over disagreements between the boys, and it seemed as if that legacy was continuing now -- only this time, it wasn’t petty disputes over what girl they were dating or how long they took in the shower. This time, it was something ground shaking, something that made a pit drop in her stomach and had her mind fading into silence for the first time in as long as she could remember.

(It hadn’t been that long. Her mind had been silent since she found her parents bleeding out in the carpet. Try as she might to distract, she hadn’t found something yet. Maybe this was the universe answering her prayers in the most masochistic way it could. It seemed fitting, given her history.)

“Memories are never completely gone,” she agreed, but then Erik was speaking and he had a point too (he always had a point. He always had a fucking point. That was how he got out from under everything, wasn’t it? Their last conversation about Kara, that day on the Raft, the hundreds of missing days they hadn’t discussed since they happened). She turned to look at Erik, meeting his eyes for a long moment before letting out a sigh. “Fine,” she said. “But if either of you start to splinter in any way, I’m done, and I don’t care how angry you are at me. These memories are only being shown if they come naturally. I’m not messing with heads.” After all, Jean was more inclined to break than heal, these days.

She looked over at Lorna, gaining her consent silently once more, and then touched a hand to Erik and Lorna’s forehead, closing her eyes, focusing on allowing the memories to filter through from father to daughter, using her as the bridge.

ERIK: Erik will be happy if he never has to set foot in fucking Tennessee ever again. The music grates on his nerves more often than not, the accents grate worse, and while he doesn't have anything against a good mountain, he does have something against the idiots who built roads two steps from a 700-foot drop.

He's on one such road, in the middle of nowhere with the radio of his car crackling in and out despite his best maneuvering of the antenna, when he feels it. He's not sure what it is, but it may as well be a flare to his senses in a sea of nothing but trees and the muted thrum of iron and copper in the mountains beneath his tires. A sharp flash of energy that actually steals his attention away from the road for a moment, because it feels almost like a blast from himself. What the hell--? Not very much sleuthing is necessary, though, because in the next few moments, a plane that had been frittering at the edges of his sense in the clouds above comes quite literally crashing down into the forest perhaps two kilometers away.

A rescue team will take hours to get out here, at least. He can fly (or close enough), and he's not one to leave well enough alone, and a little niggling at his conscience sounds feels suspiciously like Charles’ expectant stare, so he lifts his car clean off the road and carries it across the sea of trees until he can navigate it down to settle in a small clearing a few hundred meters from the crash. He's out of the car and making his way toward the plane in moments, shirt pulled up over his nose against the smoke. He stumbles across the first body with the bulk of the scattered wreckage, a face that strikes him as familiar making him pause and stop to wipe the blood from her face. "Suzanna?" He reaches for a pulse, and nothing meets his fingers, so he moves on to where he sees the bottom of the plane and the seating on its side.

Then he hears the crying, and sees a young girl with hair greener than the trees around them sitting unharmed in the wreckage. He's drawn to her, almost like a--oh. She was the flash.

LORNA: Lorna didn't really want to accept Jean's terms, but there was no arguing. She nodded to Jean, closed her eyes, and let Jean connect her mind to Erik's memories.

Lorna watched Erik's memory, somehow both separate from him and in his mind and feeling what he felt. Was this what telepaths felt constantly? Maybe not so intensely for one person as this though. But still, she felt the irritation from Erik as he drove, then the shock to his senses that Lorna recognised. She'd felt that before, but in reverse; when Erik used his powers, especially if he was close. Then the plane fell, and Lorna's heart clenched in her chest. It was familiar but she still couldn't remember it. As if there was something preventing her from accessing that, like it was shouting from behind glass.

Lorna tensed as they got closer, and the unstable feeling she couldn't shake intensified. Part of her didn't want to see this. She'd hated planes for years, but she'd never had nightmares of this night. The doctors her aunt made her see had said it was her brain repressing the memory (just like Erik said). She had insisted on knowing, had to know if what Erik said was true about the plane. Had to know why she'd made it crash. But this wasn't those answers. This was just the destruction she'd caused.

Even in memory, the smoke irritates her lungs and her eyes. She followed Erik's memory, right beside him until they both saw her. No. No no no. Lorna didn't want to see this. This wasn't what she was looking for. Her mother, injured and bloody. More than injured. Dead. Lorna felt it like a stab through the heart, and she's sure it's strong enough for Jean and Erik to feel through their shared connection too. Lorna knew she'd lost her mother that night, but looking at this wreckage and knowing what Erik felt... she knew she'd done this. She'd killed her mom. And her dad. Where was he?

Before Lorna could look for him, she heard the crying. Her crying. Unharmed, she looked dazed and frightened. Confused. And she can feel it in Erik's memories, as well as in all the metal around her--calling out like only metal she'd manipulated did-- that she'd done this.

"That's enough," she snapped, easier to indulge her anger than any of the other feelings. Some of which she didn't know if she could name. They were feelings she'd had in her mind for years, but brought to the front. "This doesn't show me how I did anything or why. I want to see my memory."

ERIK: Just like that, they were snapped out of the memories, Erik's focus landing squarely back in the present just in time to hear Lorna's frustrated demands.

His own remembered grief from finding Suzanna melded with Lorna's response to seeing her mother dead; her anger was nudging at his own, her concern.

Her questions.

Erik shook his head immediately. "No. Lorna, those memories got buried for a reason. Your powers manifested early, you brought the plane down on accident, I found you. There's no need to go combing back through buried memories for something that will only make you more upset. It's for your own good, Lorna."

He looked to Jean, and there was something like fear edging into his mind, and he knew she could probably feel it if she was paying attention. "You said you wouldn't force out any memories. If that didn't bring them out for her, you'd have to dig them out yourself. Tell her you won't."

LORNA: They might have been buried, but they were closer than they'd ever been. Lorna knew she knew those woods, knew that that smell was familiar, even if she couldn't place it with a memory. And it would never leave her alone if she gave up now. Even as it was, she was upset and on edge (she killed them. She downed the plane and killed them) but not knowing wasn't going to help.

"I wasn't asking your permission," she snapped at Erik. He'd been there, he'd known this entire time what she did. Had he taken her straight from there to her aunt and uncle? Left her like she was a stranger he didn't care about? He'd known she had powers, that they were out of her control and he left her. Was she even angry right now? If she was, it felt hollow and that scared her too. What she felt more than anything was cracked. Twisted. And muted, like something was trying to get out but it was stuck.

She turned to Jean. "Please. I need to know." The tremor in her voice was slight, but there, as was the one in her hands. She didn't want to say what she said next, but she had to convince Jean somehow. "I'll find someone else to do it if you won't."

JEAN: History repeated itself. Jean knew that all too well. Every battle she faced, every loss she suffered, it didn’t come by itself. No experience was ever truly unique, and she used that to relate to the people around her, used it to come closer to them even when she was underground for years before, used it to remind them that she was human too (even if she wasn’t so certain of that fact, these days). History repeated itself, and she almost knew what would happen long before she acted as the conduit for this memory, for emotions that were as turbulent as they were intense.

They were the same, Lorna and Erik. They felt things more strongly than most, felt them in a way Jean could scarcely put into words, and she adored them for it. Her family were dead, and a part of her died with them, but standing here between Erik and Lorna, two people she loved desperately, she could almost forget all of that. She could almost convince herself she was still breathing, that her lungs weren’t made of lead.

They were the same as each other, and they were the same as someone else, too. The memory uncurled, the recognition settling deep in her gut. They were the same as Jean and Charles.

(This is for the best, Jean. The last thing you want is to hurt someone. Trust me. Let me in.)

That’s how she knew what it looked like. That’s how she knew.

For years, she’d focused on telekinesis. She’d locked the part of her mind off that could traverse through neurones, could pull apart memories and traumas, the part that could hurt and heal in equal measure. She used the power that could wound physically, but not in a way that would last (sometimes death was better than the alternative). For years, Jean pretended she wasn’t an Omega level telepath, denied her training, and Charles … well, he’d never fought back against it. He’d focused his efforts instead on Betsy, or Emma, because playing with an atom bomb never ended well.

Maybe she would’ve missed the signature if she didn’t know how it felt to have that block in her mind, that empty spot -- maybe she would’ve missed it if she didn’t love a man whose consciousness was a patchwork quilt. Maybe she would’ve missed it if she didn’t know it all along.

No. No, she didn’t know it all along. She would’ve told Lorna if she did. She would’ve--

Would you? a voice asked. Did you talk to Kara Zor-El, Jean Grey? Did you ask her?

Jean swallowed thickly, lowering her hands from Erik and Lorna’s temples. Erik was looking at her, she could feel his gaze on her side of her face, but she was focused on Lorna.

Dangerous. Volatile. Better off not knowing. They’d both been told the same things -- and Jean found hot tears pricking at the corners of her eyes that she managed to blink away just in time.

“She’ll find someone else,” Jean said, turning only half to Erik. Someone like Sinister -- someone like Emma. “It’s deep,” she explained to Lorna. “Trauma must--”

She reached for her again, focusing her abilities, and that’s when her gut feeling was confirmed. That’s when she knew.

The block was intentional. The block was familiar, calculated -- exactly the same as what she had performed on Derry, Maddie’s hand clutched in hers, sweat pooling in their palms.

Jean stepped back, gaze shooting between father and daughter. “Someone altered the memory,” she said.

You could fix that.

No. No she couldn’t.

You’re powerful enough. Why do you hold yourself back?

She was a battering ram in a china shop. She would rip Lorna’s mind apart.

Is that the reason?

“I can’t get it,” Jean said. “I won’t risk you by trying any more.”

ERIK: Lorna was insistent, but right now, it wasn't her that he needed to convince. It was Jean.

Jean, who was avoiding looking at him straight on. Whose jaw was working, whose eyes were glimmering with unshed tears that she blinked away before they could fall, whose sentences came hesitant and incomplete.

Jean knew about the block, and he knew that she knew even before she finally said that the memory had been altered.

And she still couldn't look him in the eye.

But she said no. Erik tasted bitter relief on his tongue, and turned to look at Lorna. "Let it go, Lorna, please. Everything there is in the past. Leave it there."

LORNA: Lorna implored Jean with her eyes as she seemed to consider it, needing to know why these memories were so buried. Why she felt like they were clamouring to get out but slipping backwards? What had her mind pushed away? Was she so broken? Perhaps she didn't need to stand at the gates of hell to be twisted. She'd been called unstable before--even had it used to defend her once--and she hated it. She didn't like feeling like the ground underneath her was unsteady, like she was falling with no way to slow herself.

Jean seemed to understand, finally. And Lorna wasn't making an idle threat; she'd find someone. Someone would help her. She'd just much rather it was Jean. She trusted Jean, implicitly and unwaveringly, with her life and with her mind. With her memories and everything that she'd kept private or hidden from the world. Jean would leave that alone, just dive to this moment. Find out what was banging inside her to be released.

Someone altered the memory.

No. Lorna frowned. No way. There was no one who could have done that. She'd never remembered this moment. Ever. Her aunt and uncle had always said so, her medical records from the aftermath had always said so. She had no memory of it, no nightmares, no nothing. She asked for her mommy and daddy because she didn't understand where they'd gone, so genuinely and consistently that they'd surmised that she wasn't faking either. No one could have had a chance to tamper with her memories between when the crash had happened and when Erik had found her and left her with her remaining family.

No one.

Except.

Unless.

No.

Lorna's eyes narrowed.

He wouldn't. Not the man who had famously worn a metal helmet that kept out telepaths, who Lorna knew did not permit them in his head without his knowledge and consent. He wouldn't mess with her head as a child like this. Would he?

Lorna stared at the face of her father, inspecting his reaction to Jean's statement. She watched the relief when Jean refused to dig past this block.

There was the anger she'd expected to feel before. Igniting in her chest, twisting in her heart like the dagger she'd felt seeing her mother dead (killed).

"Jean. You can." She ripped her eyes away from Erik, letting the anger stay on him. "Please. I trust you. Whatever happens is on me. But I need to know." She looked to Erik. "Someone altered my memories. Shouldn't I know why?"

ERIK: Lorna always was expressive. Erik watched her face twist from pleading and doubtful, to confused, and then her gaze landed on him and something hardened between her eyebrows and in the set of her jaw and he knew she was putting pieces together.

And she was getting angry.

Nowhere near as angry as she would be if she saw the memories, though, and he was still certain that he'd done the right thing in burying them--not just for himself, but for her. Seeing her mother's body had triggered a strong enough response. Seeing the whole event? Out of the question.

But Jean was considering it, under Lorna's pleading gaze, and Erik's expression hardened. "Jean," he said, and his voice and expression went from desperate, pleading father to the sort of hyper-calm that settled right before a fight. "Do not drag those memories out. I'm not asking, I'm telling you. Do not. I forbid it."

That didn't sound like father Erik, but general Erik. King Erik.

JEAN: Whatever happens is on me. Her sister said that, a lifetime ago — long before Jean was a married woman, long before she was even part of the X-Men, back when her mutation had only just come to the surface and their parents worried themselves into a black hole trying to prevent their daughter from ripping the city apart. Jean had one of her migraines, and the house was shaking. Tears were streaming down her face, her parents were praying in the basement, her brothers were screaming, and Sara just walked into Jean’s bedroom, sat down beside her, and said, whatever happens, that’s on me. I’m choosing to be here.

Sara died for that choice. Jean didn’t kill her, at least not directly, but it was her fault that she was dead. People claimed to want to take the risk, but that was only until the adverse effects came around, only when things turned tragic, and with Jean ... well, tragedy was something of a given.

“You say that now,” Jean said, keeping hold of Lorna’s hands, “but if something goes wrong here, now, you won’t be around anymore. It’s not a physical harm I cause, Lorna, it’s so much worse than that. You’d never come back. You might want to take that risk now, but you’ll thank me for stopping you later.”

(She sounded like Charles. She sounded like Charles and for the first time, for a reason she couldn’t exactly pinpoint, the concept of that familiarity made her sick to her stomach.)

Erik said her name, and it stopped Jean from saying anymore. It stopped her dead in her tracks, because the icy level headedness he was demonstrating now … well, she had seen it before. The U.N. Those memories from Cuba. Every time she faced him as a teenager, and he pushed her to be the best she could be.

Or the worst.

Jean’s hair began to stand on end. She felt a flicker in her mind, knew instinctively her eyes must have flashed with fire. He thinks he can forbid us, came a curling whisper.

“No one tells me to stop anymore, Erik,” she said, calmly, even as her arms cracked with glowing amber. “Especially not you.”

And with the force of the Phoenix behind her, Jean reached for Lorna and cracked the memory apart.

LORNA: Lorna was about to open her mouth to argue, to insist against what Jean had said. But before she could, Erik stepped in. In a voice she had rarely heard from him, but one she knew instinctively. And one she immediately hated in this context. In a fight, a war, that voice was important. Someone needed to take charge. But here? The war was meant to be over, and her memories should not be a battlefield. And it seemed Jean reacted just as negatively to his command. Lorna barely had a chance to close her eyes as Jean reached for her and broke the seal on the memory.

Lorna was sleeping, curled up across two seats in main cabin of the small passenger plane. They were flying home after one of her daddy's jobs, and Lorna was more than used to falling asleep anywhere like this. But tonight, she was woken up by shouting. Fierce arguing, coming from the front of the plane.

Lorna hated the shouting. Just as she woke up, she felt the plane dip and her mom screaming something about killing them before it righted again. "Stop!" she cried. "STOP!" She started sobbing, hating when they fought. They fought all the time, and her mommy was always so quiet after. Her daddy got so angry.

In the cockpit, Arnold Dane had decided that right now was the time to confront his wife about what he had learnt; she had cheated on him. Here, where she couldn't run away from the conversation. It had quickly turned to a screaming match that had now woken the brat he now knew wasn't actually his daughter.

"Now you've woken Lorna!"

"Go make the brat shut up then!"

Her mommy came down to the back, looking both frightened and angry. "Be quiet, Lorna!" she hissed. But Lorna shook her head.

"Stop fighting! STOP. STOP!" With the last cry, there was a creaking noise and green light. Lorna, too upset to notice, kept shouting to stop. But her mother could only look on in horror and terror as her daughter lit up green. Lorna squeezed her eyes shut and screamed one last STOP.

Then there was an incredible sound. A tearing, creaking, scream of a noise, like the world was coming apart around her. And it was. The metal of the plane ripped itself apart in the air, the engines cutting off mid flight and the wings beginning to detach as the now flightless plane dropped like a stone. Lorna screamed again, terrified this time, but when she opened her eyes, she was on the ground. Hiccupping from the crying, but unharmed.

And now lost. She couldn't see her mommy or her daddy, only wreckage that she knew was the plane. Smoke filled the air, hurting her eyes and lungs, making seeing and breathing harder. Lorna began to cry again, but this time it was far quieter. No longer the screaming of a child, howling to be listened to, but the unstoppable tears of one who was lost and afraid with no one to help her.

She tried to stand up, to go find her mommy or daddy, but her legs wouldn’t move. Not because they were hurt, but her whole body seemed to not want to go anywhere. Too afraid, too shocked, too overwhelmed by everything. All she could do was cry and wait. She didn’t have to wait long. The sound of a car approaching reached her, and then soon after that, a man appeared. She watched as he found her mom, bending down and then standing up. Lorna knew then, though she didn’t know how, that her mom wasn’t coming back. She let out a quiet wail of despair, wanting nothing more than her mommy to comfort her.

The man turned to her, and Lorna was startled by the pull she felt. It was like the feeling she felt when the green lights started, like how magnets attracted each other. He came towards her and Lorna let him pick her up, clinging to him. She didn’t know why, but he made her feel safe. Safer than she’d felt on the plane when her parents were arguing. Than when her daddy shouted and raised his fists.

As if summoned by her thoughts, there was movement from the rubble. Bleeding and dazed, but still alive and mostly uninjured, Arnold Dane pushed himself from the wreckage he’d landed in. Lorna, seeing him and knowing how angry he'd be, clung tighter to the stranger. She always hated when her dad was angry. He was scary when he was angry. The stranger felt safer.

ERIK: Arnold Dane stood, looking dazed until his eyes settle on Lorna and Erik, and then his expression turned hateful. "So you're the freak bastard my wife fucked." Erik's arm tightened around Lorna, and he cupped a hand over one of her ears, pressing the other against his chest. Her arms tightened around him, too, and he knew she was afraid not of a stranger like she should be, but the man she thought was her father. Had he ever hurt her?

"That would be me," he confirmed coldly. "Which must make you the abusive swine she was trying to get away from."

Arnold sneered. "She wasn't trying to get away from anything. She knew I was the best she was gonna get. Came back every time I called, like a good bitch. She wouldn't have been able to take care of the brat without me and she knew it."

Erik shifted Lorna on his hip, glanced at Suzanna in the rubble, and then back at Arnold, expression frigid. "I should've killed you for her as a parting gift three years ago. She was insistent that you were doing better. I knew better, but she was so sure. The things love does to you. G-d knows you didn't deserve it from her." The metal of the rubble around them was buzzing, his anger charging the air. Erik tucked his head down against the girl's--his daughter's--and told her to keep her eyes closed.

And then, with a wave of his hand, pieces of shrapnel sharpened into needles. A clench of his fist sent them through the man's limbs and drove them into the ground, like a butterfly pinned under a microscope. Erik ignored the screaming, silencing it with a piece of metal over the man's mouth a moment later, and set Lorna carefully on a flat part of the rubble. He offered her a warm smile. "You stay right here, hm? I'll be right back. I promise."

Three minutes later, Erik was scooping Lorna back up into his arms, that same warm smile on his lips and a new splotch of blood on his jeans. "Come here, darling. Let's get you somewhere safe."

LORNA: She didn't understand a lot of the words her dad was using. But she recognised them as ones he'd hurled at her mom before. Ones that made her mommy flinch and shout back. Ones that Lorna didn't like. And clearly the stranger didn't like it either, because he covered her ears, pressing her head against his chest until the words became muffled and all she could hear was the beating of his heart in his chest. Rhythmic and steady, nothing like the racing of her own as she sniffled and tried to stop crying.

From where she was held, she could see her mother laying lifeless, and rather than calming down, soon Lorna was shaking. Trembling against the stranger. She didn't hear what he said to her dad, nor what her dad was sneering back. Nothing until the stranger urged her to shut her eyes. But even with her eyes closed and her ears covered, she heard the screaming. She felt the metal moving, like a sixth sense now blown open wide and sensitive, and felt it pierce something that screamed.

She was sat down, and Lorna kept her eyes closed at first. But she was curious. Too curious. She opened them just a bit, peering through her eyelashes, and watching as the man made sure her daddy was never going to yell at her or hurt her again. When he turned back, Lorna squeezed her eyes shut quickly, pretending she hadn't seen the images that burned into her retina. Nor heard the sounds that echoed in her ears. She didn't know why, but even still she trusted this man. Maybe it was the pulling in her to him. Or maybe it was that he protected her. He scared her too, but he protected her. But she let him pick her up, nodding as he promised to take her to safety.

Somewhere safe, apparently turned out to be what looked to Lorna like a doctor's office the next day. "Where are we?" she asked the man--Erik, she knew now. "Am I going home?"

ERIK: Erik had been plagued with the guilt of killing his own mother since he was 14. He wouldn't allow Lorna to live with that guilt. To know that she'd downed the plane and killed her mother, that her powers had saved her life but not Suzanna. And he didn't want her to remember Arnold, either--better to let her think there was just an accident. Nothing she could've done. It was for her own protection. And he didn't want to introduce himself to his daughter as the murderer of her stepfather. The memories needed to be wiped, buried, deleted.

Charles could do it. Whether he would was a different consideration, and Erik couldn't be sure the answer was yes. He didn't need the weight of Charles' disappointment on him for asking, or worse yet for seeing what Erik had done in the first place. Jean was too young. Emma Frost was absolutely out of the question. So Erik had reached out to some of the old network and heard of this man. Discreet and damn good at what he did, as far as his reputation went, and that was enough. Needed to be enough.

"Soon. We're just stopping for a quick check-up, alright?"

The telepath walked in, and Erik shook his hand, introduced himself, and explained the situation in quiet terms to the man, smiling over at Lorna every so often. Erik laid out very clearly defined limits on what he wanted wiped, the man agreed, money changed hands, and then the telepath was pulling up a chair to sit in front of Lorna, Erik standing off to the side between them, watching closely. Protective.

"Hello, Lorna," the man said with a smile, and something in his gaze was shimmering. Soothing. "Erik here was just telling me all you went through yesterday. How stressful that must have been, far too stressful for a young girl like you. I want you to relax for me--there's a dear. Just listen to me..."

The telepath pressed forward into her mind, and the last thing she saw was Erik watching over his shoulder, brow knit with concern.

LORNA: The memories ended there, with them being wiped from her mind, buried deep inside. As Lorna came back to the present, stumbling back away from Erik, she realised absently that that clawing feeling was gone. These memories were released from their box, and they were no longer crying to get out. But now she had to deal with it.

Her cheeks were wet, tears fallen when she wasn't aware. The metal around her creaked--much as it done in her memories--responding to her anger, her shock, her horror. She'd killed her own mother. She remembered more things more clearly now than just the crash too. Her 'father'--Arnold--had scared her more than she'd ever remembered before now. It was as though when certain memories were blocked, her mind allowed others, connected to them, to fade too. Lorna shook like a leaf, her mind running a thousand miles an hour. "You. You took my memories!" With barely a thought in her head, or a twitch of her hand, metal hurtled towards Erik to pin him to the wall. It was the easiest thing to grab onto, her anger at what Erik had done to her, rather than face what she had done to her own family. What he had hidden from her.

JEAN: You need to learn how to cast the thoughts out, Jean. Charles’ voice came back to her now, smooth and comforting and always so deeply in control, even when Jean felt as if she was going to scream as the world shook around them. Anything that isn’t yours, just let it pass by. Take some of the feeling, but you can’t take it all. No one person can hold the world’s pain alone.

No one person could hold all the pain. No one person could hold that much grief, or that much suffering, or that many secrets. No one person could hold all the cards, and yet here they were, once again, Erik pulling the rug out from someone he claimed to love.

(No. He loved Lorna. He loved her so desperately he built a country for her, protected him from himself in the most painful way a parent could. His absence had never been for his own benefit, Jean knew that, she’d seen the aching before Lorna came into their lives. She knew Erik, knew him better than almost anyone else. She was his daughter.)

But he just kept surprising her. He kept surprising her, and it was never with anything good. The memories of what happened with Kara, those flames in her eyes, her demanding that Jean stayed out, were still fresh and burning in her mind. The memories of the tears streaming down Lorna’s face, her shaking hands, they wouldn’t leave anytime soon. They wouldn’t vanish as quickly as Erik wanted them to.

He wouldn’t be able to talk her out of this one -- and yet, when Lorna reacted, Jean stepped in just as quickly. She waved her hands, forming a telekinetic shield that prevented the metal from wrapping around Erik’s arms, from escalating the situation further than she knew her sister would want, when she was calmer (they always ran so hot). “Lorna, that’s enough,” she said. “Erik, just--”

Shut up? What the hell did she say to someone who made fire burn in her chest and a cold pit drop into her stomach at the same damn time? What Erik had done, what he had altered, wasn’t all that different from what Jean and Maddie had done with Derry, the decision that she made for the greater good in spite of the grey it caused on her husband’s face. Who was Jean to judge, when faced with a similar situation she made the same decision?

“We have fought and died for this home,” Jean said instead, her voice strong and confident and not wavering nearly as much as her resolve (or her mind, which jumped from place to place). “If you think I’m going to let father and daughter tear each other to shreds on its soil you have another thing coming. Erik made a choice. It was a choice that you may not agree with -- God knows I’m not sure if I do -- but the decisions we make aren’t always the best. Sometimes we make mistakes. I am not going to let you do this, Lorna. You don’t want to do this.”

ERIK: The memories slipped away, leaving in their wake exactly what Erik had known would happen. Exactly what he'd warned against. Exactly the reason he'd buried them in the first place, and exactly why he'd forbidden Jean to try setting them loose.

Lorna's face was wet with tears, shivers of shock wracking through her body, and every parental instinct Erik made him want to wrap his arms around her shoulders and let her sob into his chest until she settled. But he didn't need to be a telepath to know that would be absolutely unwelcome; Lorna's emotions had the metal around them trembling, the same way it did when Erik's temper was at a breaking point, and he knew what was coming in the moment before it happened.

Except that the metal never quite touched him, because Jean threw up the defense that he himself wasn't going to raise. But she still wasn't looking at him. Whatever she had to say to him was aborted quickly, redirected to Lorna, and Erik felt a lash of anger curl through him. What would she have had him do? Had Arnold walked away from that plane crash alive, Lorna would have ended up in his hands again, or Erik would've been forced to reveal himself to the courts to fight it. And how was he to let her live with the guilt that had lived in his mind for over 70 years if he had a way to stop it?

A way that had been perfectly effective until Jean cracked it open. Anger sang at his fingertips, but for once, for once, Erik held his tongue, watching his daughters in deceptively stoic silence.

LORNA: She wasn't going to kill him. Not really. Probably not. She just wanted him immobile, stuck where she wanted him, so he couldn't get away. So he couldn't avoid this. Later, she'd almost certainly be more grateful to Jean, once she realised how out of control her powers were at that time. It had been a long time since she'd lost control like this, but it was to be expected. Her mind was trying to deal with a traumatic event it had never fully processed. It was no longer equipped for those memories, perhaps never was. So Jean was right to stop her. That didn't mean Lorna liked it right now.

"Enough? I haven't even done anything to him yet."

Damn Jean and her words. She had never needed her powers to get in Lorna's head, to convince her. She knew Lorna too well for that, and right now she knew what to say to get Lorna to back off. We fought and died for this home. It struck a nerve, but it worked. And she was right. Lorna didn't want to kill Erik. Especially not after learning what happened with her mother.

You killed her. You killed her. Youkilledheryoukilledheryoukilledher.

Lorna let out a cry of frustration, far more directed inward than at either of the people in the room. She couldn't get her mind to stop racing, tumbling over itself as it spun in circles and tore her apart. With a flick of her hand, she pulled the metal from Erik, throwing it to the floor and letting it spin away to the far wall. She wanted to break, to cry, to try and figure out how to even begin to process all the things she had seen. She wanted someone to hold her and tell her it would be okay, even if they didn't know if it was true. But she was so angry too. So angry that all of this had been taken away from her. Angry at herself for losing control. Angry that Erik had fought her trying to see this. Scared that she could hurt him and Jean.

"I..." She had no words. Nothing came to her. She swallowed hard, stepping back, away from them both.

JEAN: She wanted to be on Lorna’s side. More than anything, Jean knew the pain that came with being alone -- with feeling as if there was no one who understood the turmoil that was ravaging through your mind, that was changing things so irreparably you could never go back to who you were before. She knew what that felt like, and she always promised that she’d try to prevent other people from suffering the same emotions if she could, that she would prove to them they weren’t alone, that they had a friend, that they could work together. After all, Erik could stand up for himself -- was stronger than even Jean gave him credit for so many years ago -- and he would want her to defend his daughter, if she could.

But she couldn’t. Not entirely, at least. She could understand where she was coming from, could empathise, but condemning Erik’s actions were impossible when she had made the same decision less than a few weeks before -- a decision that had the last remaining member of her family outside of Genosha struggling to remember where she came from, no idea of who she truly was.

“Lorna,” Jean said. She couldn’t be on Lorna’s side completely, and she could feel their bond stretching. She could see her physically step back, could hear the pain in her thoughts. “Don’t do this.” Don’t leave. That was the worst thing a person could do when they were in pain, but it was what they defaulted to every damn time. “We’re here for you. Don’t walk away now, please.”

ERIK: Erik knew anger better than he knew anything else. Better than love, better than pain, better than fear, he knew anger. Like a shadow that never left his side. Charles had told him all those years ago on the lawn of the Institute that there was more to him than pain and anger, that he could be good.

But Charles had been wrong about a lot of things. Shaw, for all that Erik hated the man, had been right. About humans, about the world, about Erik. He'd won the day, won the safety he'd always said he wanted for his family and his people, and yet the anger, the fire in his veins hadn't cooled. It'd gotten worse.

( All his children fell to fire, eventually. It was only a matter of time. )

Lorna's anger was electric, ozone on the tongue, but she was crying out and backing away, and Erik wasn't holding his tongue, anymore--now it was lead. He wanted to reach out and stop her. To echo Jean, to tell her everything would be alright and tell her to stay.

Magda had looked horrified, just like this. Had backed away, just like this, one foot behind the other until she ran, and Erik could see how this was going to end already. Nothing new under the sun. He could beg her to stay, but he would beg and she would leave like she had, and the thought of begging and failing yet again made him sick.

Maybe it'd be better, if she left. Erik had a way of destroying the lives of all of his family, one way or another, eventually, a one-man wrecking ball despite all his love. Despite trying. She'd reappeared in his life and he'd dragged her straight into a war, put her on the frontlines and watched her plunge her hands into the mess with pride. She'd been better off with her aunt and uncle, that much was increasingly clear, and Erik wasn't sorry for what he'd done in the memories.

He was sorry he'd been selfish enough to let her come to him.

So he didn't reach out for her, despite the itch to wrap her in his arms and protect her (she needed protection from him, not from him). He didn't apologize, because it would've rang hollow. And he didn't ask her to stay, like Jean did, because he'd stopped asking people to stay by his side after Cuba. Because he was not a good man, he was a dangerous one.

Lorna backed away, one foot behind the other until she ran, and Erik stood there with a blank expression and watched her go.

#c: jean grey #c: lorna dane #f: discord #d: the pieces i can't put back #tw: violence #tw: manipulation #tw: gaslighting #tw: ptsd #tw: trauma #tw: brainwashing #tw: plane crash #tw: murder #tw: death mention #tw: abuse #tw: cheating

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hobbitkiller · 4 years

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She-Ra, Supergirl, and Tangled: A Tale of Three Female Relationships: Part 2

*SPOILER WARNING FOR SHE-RA, SUPERGIRL, AND TANGLED: THE SERIES*

For those of you just tuning in, I’m taking a deep dive into 3 female relationships in 3 of my favorite tv shows that all turned into toxic messes at some point. The point of this series of posts is to exam these relationships, where things went wrong, whether there’s a chance for redemption, and what conclusions, if any, we can draw from these relationships about media’s representation of female characters and female relationships.

Oh, and shipping, ‘cause this is tumblr after all...

So, in Part 1 I gave a summary of the female relationships in question in these three shows (Adora and Catra, Kara and Lena, Rapunzel and Cassandra). I also summarized how these relationships began and when they started to go wrong. If you already know that stuff because you love these shows too, you don’t necessarily have to go back and read it, but doing so is always encouraged.

In this installment, I will be exploring 3 themes related to the festering resentment within these relationships: Mother Knows Best, Chosen Ones, and Itty Bitty Boxes. Follow the jump to get started!

PART III: MOTHER KNOWS BEST

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I’ve heard a few people claim that Mother Gothel is not a top tier Disney villain. She doesn’t have the following that characters like Scar or Maleficent have. However, at the same time, I’ve heard many people saying something along the lines of “This is my mother.” There’s something uncomfortably familiar about Mother Gothel in Tangled. I recognized the same putdowns and microaggressions that I used to get from my stepmom in Gothel’s targeted jabs at Rapunzel’s confidence throughout the movie...all done with a smile and “It’s for your own good” attitude.

A lot of media focuses on the relationship between fathers and sons. Mothers in Disney have historically been silent or dead. (Except Perdita. That bitch was awesome).

This, of course, makes it interesting that 5/6 of these characters have verbally (and in some cases physically) abusive, manipulative mother figures. And for Adora and Catra and Rapunzel and Cassandra, that mother figure is the same.

Here are our three abusive mothers:

Shadow Weaver who raised Adora and Catra:

Lillian Luthor who is Lena Luthor’s adoptive mother (and played by the absolute joy to watch that is Brenda Strong):

And, of course, Mother Gothel who kidnapped and raised Rapunzel for most of her life and is the SPOILER biological mother of Cassandra:

There are, of course, good mothers sprinkled in. Rapunzel’s biological mother, Queen Arianna is great once she actually gets lines in the TV show. Lena’s birth mother was also, by all accounts, a very kind and loving person. Kara has two moms, and while both have flaws, both are inherently good people (particularly Eliza Danvers, her adoptive mother).

However, in spite of the presence of some positive examples of motherhood, the relationships between all three of these pairs is heavily influenced by the three narcissistic women above.

All three of these women are dishonest, withhold affection only to give it away as a special treat, and actively manipulate their children. Yet, at the same time, the children can’t help but seek approval. Adora and Catra both feared and desperately sought approval and affection from Shadow Weaver. Lena tries to cut ties with her family, but keeps being drawn back in when Lillian admits pride at her accomplishments or that she does, in fact, care about her. Rapunzel sought affection from Gothel growing up because she was her one human contact, and, when Cassandra learned the truth of who her mother was, Cassandra desperately wanted some validation that the mother who abandoned her loved her on some level.

These mother/daughter relationships scarred 5/6 of our characters (Kara has her own hangups about her mother, but not on the deeply psychologically scarred level as the other five.)

Adora is mockingly called paranoid by Shadow Weaver for understandably thinking the woman who lied to and manipulated her her entire life was up to something. Catra pushes everyone in her life away emotionally for fear of being hurt (only to create a self-fulfilling prophecy when they leave due to her behavior). Lena is constantly scared of being “betrayed” and manipulated. When she’s hurt by Supergirl asking Lena’s boyfriend to snoop on her, she says it was “something my mother would do.” When she and Kara first became friends, Lena was reluctant to do so because of the trust issues from her family (Lex Luthor is obviously also a manipulative, abusive jerk). Even Rapunzel, the embodiment of sunshine, has lingering trust issues. In the Season Three episode “Beginnings” she explains to Eugene that one of the reasons she likes Cassandra is because Rapunzel spent 18 years with someone who lied to her, whereas Cassandra was forthright and said what she was thinking.

Cassandra’s mother issues are a little more complicated. When she was four, Gothel abandoned her in order to kidnap Rapunzel and Cass was adopted by the captain of the guard. Cassandra has deeply repressed this memory by the time we meet her when she’s 22/23. Then, she’s given a glimpse of what life was like with Gothel:

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Early in the series, Cass talks about how her father instilled in her the value of “earning my keep.” It’s clear here, though, that love as a transactional relationship had been instilled in Cassandra early in life: “And when it (love/affection) came, it came with strings.”

This transactional view of relationships is something shared by all 5 members of our “bad moms” squad on at least some level. Adora constantly feels the need to fix things and be useful to her friends. Catra thinks if she just wins enough or is good enough, maybe Shadow Weaver will finally love her. Lena’s approach to relationships largely revolves around buying things for them and trying to unilaterally solve their problems for them without their input. Rapunzel has to go through an entire episode to learn that you can’t buy friendship through doing nice things, and that she doesn’t have to. Cass ties her self-worth deeply to her usefulness to others. They all struggle to find internal validation at times.

The other way mothers play a part in the downfalls of these relationships is the element of competitiveness. This is an issue with Adora and Catra and Rapunzel and Cassandra. As previously stated, both of these couples share a mother figure. And, in both of these couples, there is a deep resentment on the part of the non-golden haired child toward the other. Shadow Weaver did not hide that Adora was her favorite. She frequently praised Adora while berating and abusing Catra even when both had done equally well. Even when Adora abandoned Shadow Weaver and Catra for the rebellion, SW was more concerned with getting Adora back than appreciating the loyalty and accomplishments of Catra.

Mother Gothel literally gave up Cassandra to take Rapunzel.

Both Catra and Cassandra feel completely overshadowed by the blonde in their lives, and part of them can’t help but think that, if only Adora or Rapunzel were out of the way, or had never existed, maybe they would have been chosen as the favored one.

This, of course, brings us to our next topic:

PART IV: CHOSEN ONES

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I’ve never been a big fan of Ron Weasley. I didn’t read the Harry Potter books until I was in my twenties (yes, compared to many of my readers, I’m old), and I think this lead to me being less charmed by his humor or bullying of Hermione than I otherwise might have been. I found his temper aggravating and he is just...the worst...in the sixth book. Like, he purposely starts dating someone to punish Hermione who had already asked him to Slughorn’s party because Ginny pointed out that Hermione had probably kissed the guy she was dating TWO YEARS AGO. No, seriously, read that book again. That’s what happened. Then the seventh book happens and it turns out Dumbledore KNEW Ron was going to ditch the team at some point...

That being said, as I sat down to write this novel-length meta, I found myself thinking about what it’s like to be the support team for the “chosen one.” In the seventh book, Ron could have stayed at home with his pureblood family. He would still be in some danger due to their involvement with the Order of the Phoenix, but it would have been a lot safer than traveling around with “Undesirable No 1.″ Yet, because he loves Harry, he chooses to go on this mission.

In the three pieces of media we’re discussing, 2/3 have literal chosen ones--characters with specific destinies of supernatural origin: Adora and Rapunzel. Kara also largely fits into the trope as someone sent to earth from afar to “save us.” As I somewhat jokingly said in the first part, all three of these pieces of media feature a blond super-powered person who needs to save the world.

Can you imagine what it would be like to be the best friend or “sister” of the person who’s “burdened with glorious purpose”?

On the one hand, it’s constant fear over that person’s safety and wellbeing. On the other, there’s a bit that can’t help but feel resentful. Imagine having a friend that overshadows every accomplishment you’ve ever had seemingly by virtue of just who they are.

Now, of course we know that it’s no easy road being a chosen one. There’s a lot you have to sacrifice, and it usually involves injury, near death, and a boatload of trauma. And the support teams know this. For some, it’s never an issue. But for others...

In She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Adora, to Catra, always had the presence in her life of a chosen one, even before she got the sword and became She-Ra. Shadow Weaver had sensed something powerful about Adora when she was a baby, and thus treated her as the “Golden Child” to Catra’s “Scapegoat.”

This idea of the “Golden Child (GC)” versus the “Scapegoat (SG)” rolls a bit into this issue with “chosen ones.” In toxic, narcissistic families, parents often hold up one child as the great one while the other is the one to blame for their problems. Think Olga and Helga in Hey Arnold! (Is that reference too dated for some of you guys? Man, I’m old. Also, I remember finally being old enough to realize Helga’s mom was an alcoholic and it blew my mind.) This also usually entails encouraging a level of competitiveness between the siblings.

In some ways, it’s like a “chosen one” is the whole world’s golden child. Anyone who researches this dynamic knows it’s abusive to both the GC and the SG, which is clearly displayed in She-Ra when Adora is stressed by the pressure of expectations and the knowledge that her mistakes will most likely be taken out on Catra. That doesn’t change the fact that Catra resents the positive attention (the adoration if you will) Adora gets--that, no matter what Catra achieves, it will be nothing compared to Adora. This resentment is a big part of what fuels the escalation of their personal conflict leading to one of the saddest pieces of animation since Fry’s dog died sad and alone on Futurama. In the Season 1 episode “Promise.” (This is, by far, the best episode of the series), Catra airs all of her feelings she’d been repressing about what it felt like living in Adora’s shadow--how it made her feel like a “side kick,” something Adora never consciously tried to do and is shocked to discover.

Cassandra on Tangled:The Series has similar feelings about her role in Rapunzel’s life. Not only is her best friend the one with the magic hair and great destiny, but she is also her boss and monarch. Aside from the two songs I included in my last post, “Waiting in the Wings” and “Crossing the Line,” this conflict is best demonstrated early in Season One in the episode “Challenge of the Brave.”

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Cass didn’t suffer abuse in quite the same way Catra did (though Gothel was the worst mom for her first 4 years), but she does feel disrespected and overshadowed by Rapunzel even before learning about Gothel. In “Crossing the Line”--a song many likened to “Let it Go” when they first heard it, Cassandra lays out these feelings further:

There’s a line between the winners and the losers.

There’s a line between the chosen and the rest.

And I’ve done the best I could,

but i’ve always known just where we stood.

Me here with the luckless.

You there with the blessed.

Now, when this song first came out, there were negative reactions from some fans. How could Cassandra call someone who had been kidnapped and locked in a tower with the neglectful and verbally abusive Gothel for 18 years “blessed”? But, from Cassandra’s perspective, Rapunzel still gets everything, power, respect, etc., purely because she was born a princess while Cass has worked incredibly hard her entire life to achieve one goal, becoming a guard, and is constantly denied.

With Lena and Kara in Supergirl, the resentment, again, is mostly between Lena and Supergirl for most of their relationship. Multiple times during the show’s run, Lena has expressed concern about human’s relative helplessness in the face of aliens like Supergirl who have power. This is why Lena sees some of her shadier actions such as making Kryptonite or trying to give humans super powers as justified. She doesn’t go to the extreme levels of hatred that her brother Lex does, but that distrust in those who are naturally more powerful runs throughout the family as does the resentment that aliens have seemingly usurped the leadership role among humanity that should have belonged to the Luthors.

What makes this interesting is that, in most of her relationships, Lena, as a billionaire, is the more privileged and powerful one. This is really best demonstrated in her relationship with James Olsen, whom she orders around as his boss while buying him expensive gifts and going behind his back to fix his legal problems. And for much of their relationship, this is how Lena sees her relationship with Kara. It’s not a manipulative or cruel thing. Lena just sees Kara as her adorkable reporter friend who is hapless in the face of danger.

Then, all of these preconceived notions come crashing down when Lena learns that Kara is Supergirl. Suddenly, she learns that her hapless friend was actually playing her the whole time--that she was stringing Lena along and pretending to be only human.

Lena’s resentment may not be as explicit in this case as Catra’s or Cassandra’s, but it is layered within all of the emotions Lena Luthor is pretending not to have.

This, of course, leads us to our final subject for today.

PART V: “ITTY BITTY BOXES”

I’ve mentioned a few times throughout this novel-length meta the word “repressed.” Catra, Lena, and Cassandra are not good at expressing their emotions in a healthy manner. Much of this can be blamed on the aforementioned mother figures and the trust and intimacy issues that having narcissistic, abusive parents can lead to.

Narcissistic parents often place the burden of maintaining the emotional wellbeing of the family on the children. It is your job as the child to make sure they don’t get upset. It is you who has to keep the cool head and maintain the facade of positivity. Parents like Shadow Weaver, Lillian Luther, and Mother Gothel do not see it as their responsibility to help their children regulate emotion or address it. To them, “negative emotions” are character flaws.

Of course, anyone who’s watched Inside Out knows that emotions aren’t inherently good or bad and feeling, addressing, and understanding them are vital to good mental health.

Too bad Inside Out wasn’t there for Catra, Lena, or Cassandra growing up.

Instead, each of these characters has learned to bottle up and hide emotions like sadness, fear, hurt, and true, deep anger. Lena even outlines her approach to such feelings when helping Brainy, an alien who is basically like an organic computer, solve a problem:

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I was not the only person that was reminded of this gem after that scene:

Putting emotions away in an imaginary box is a real technique for keeping yourself from becoming overwhelmed in a situation where you need to focus. However, “forgetting the box existed” is not the appropriate use of the boxes. They need to be opened, and the feelings addressed.

Catra is interesting, because in some ways she’s very vocal about her frustration and anger. Yet, that surface level frustration manifests in yelling at her friends and subordinates over their job performance or just being a general jerk. It’s not an expression of her true, deep feelings. Catra doesn’t let anyone see the deep levels of hurt she feels when Shadow Weaver manipulates her to join Adora. Instead, she just almost destroys the world...as you do. Season 4 in particular features a Catra who is more mean to her friends than ever before, yet she is still repressing so much of her true feelings to the point of mental and emotional collapse.

Cassandra also struggles to express her feelings, particularly to Rapunzel. Part of it might be because Rapunzel is her princess, and it’s not Cassandra’s place, but it’s also something she struggles with in general:

The above line occurs in an episode where Rapunzel knows Cassandra is mad at her and keeps pushing her to share her feelings. As we can see, Cass is not a big fan of that. Even though they talk at the end of the episode, it’s clear that there are still some hurt feelings on Cassandra’s side that she doesn’t express until she has electric blue hair and is singing a rock ballad about “Crossing the Line.” This is also fascinating because, as previously stated, one of the reasons Rapunzel likes Cassandra is her honesty. But, like with Catra, Cassandra can be honest about surface level annoyances, but intensely represses anything deeper.

All three of these characters let their emotions fester until they become deadly infections that poison their relationships, not just with their best friends, but with everyone. Many of these relationships could have been diverted from their dark paths if there had been more honest and open communication both between the characters and internally. If Lena acknowledged the real reasons why she was hurt when learning Kara was Supergirl, if Catra had been honest about feeling overshadowed and pitied by Adora, if Cassandra had expressed the pain she was feeling in her relationship with Rapunzel, things could have been different. Instead, those feelings have turned toxic.

NEXT TIME IN THE NEVER-ENDING ANALYSIS:

Blond Bulldozers

I Don’t Care (I ship it)

Just going to do 2, because 3 subjects were a bit much.

Hope to see you there.

#she ra #spop #adora #catradora #catra #shadow weaver #supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #lillian luthor #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #rapunzel #tts cassandra #cassunzel

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this-is-lightning · 4 years

Text

Supercorp FicRec P.23

The next part in my ongoing ficrec series. I go through my bookmarks on AO3 and select the ones I like the best and add a little commentary on why. 5 fics per part.

Masterpost

Paper Cranes by ClaraZorEl

Supergirl has fallen. What if after the redK incident, Supergirl never had the chance to redeem herself? Forced to live as a human again, she moves back to Midvale. What if after Lex Luthor had gone bananas in Metropolis, Lena chose to flee and started a life for herself on the other side of the country, let's say, in Midvale ? And so Kara and Lena meet in this little coastal city where they have no choice but to carry their secrets alone and try not to fall in love.

w: 121,209

r: mature

Her fics are always so good and endlessly tragic and sad, but with a happy ending. This one is the first one of her I read and it blew me away. The characterization is top, the feelings, dialogue and internal stuff are just so well written. The story and characters feel more real and set into the world than even in the show. Realistic trauma. Epic ending. Must read for all her storys.

When the world is on your shoulders and you're falling to your knees, you know love will set you free by A_Dinsy

When she peeked her head out of the cart, what she saw was like nothing she'd ever seen before. Rows of people were jumping off the train, shouting and laughing, making their way to the big expanse of grass ahead. Kara was filled with curiousity and jumped down herself, taking in the view, but turned back towards the train when something caught her eye.

Daxam Bros, the most spectacular show on earth, CIRCUS.

She laughed, shaking her head, how'd I manage to jump on a circus train.

When a tragic event causes Kara to lose everything she's ever known, she happens to fall in with a travelling circus. There she meets Lena Daxam, a beautiful performer she knows will surely bring trouble to her heart.

The Water for Elephants AU no one asked for but me.

w: 37,493

r: mature

This one is so very real and so very magical at the same time. Dunno how that works but it does. Love it. tw/domestic violence and violence against animals.

Winter Song by CursedEstlin

Lex is dead but his trail of destruction lives on.

Supergirl doesn’t worry about saving the world anymore.

After a bitter feud, Lena and Kara haven’t spoken in three years but that’s all about to change.

Post season 5 dumpster fire compliant with not a Willy in sight.

w: 66,325

r: mature

Kid fic in a way. Dealing with forgiveness and mental health and aaaall the feelings with no-one there to distract them. Loved how this was done, especially the mental health stuff. Loved how their relationship was rebuild, how the whole stronger together finally got the gravitas it deserved. Angst, domestic fluff, little bit of smut. MUST read.

if i loved you less, i might be able to talk about it more by C_AND_B

sometimes love is too raw to express. sometimes one language isn’t enough. sometimes you don’t even realise you’re speaking a love language from half the globe away. or kara and lena fall, and be, in love through a series of untranslatable words

w: 9,236

r: mature

Poetry in 10k words. Don’t know what to say except read it for yourself and be amazed. Not a word out of place. Literary perfection. You actually want to sit down and do a literary analysis like in high-school, that’s how well this is written.

The Fifth Wall by Black_Tea_and_Bones

Kara goes to bed with Mon-El, and wakes up with Lena Luthor.

But it isn't Kara’s bed, and they’re not in Lena’s apartment, and that is definitely not their baby... Right?

w: 109,273

r: mature

Spoiler, it totally is their baby and it is their bed and it will stay that way if they want or not. They are both too repressed or afraid to get anywhere with their relationship, till a little help(er) from the 5th dimension arrives. Domestic fluff, angst, family fluff, action and a happy ending.

#supercorp #supercorp fic rec #mine #23

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lena-in-a-red-dress · 5 years

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Cadmus’ Revenge

WARNING FOR THEMES OF SELF-HARM, SUICIDAL IDEATION, PARANOIA, NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE.

A/N: This story is not a character death, and ends on a happy note.

----

Cadmus is resurrected, and abducts Lena. She's missing for over a year when they finally find her, in a facility packed with guards but devoid of any trace of Lillian. They find Lena pale and thin but alive in a small windowless cell. Down the hall and around the corner, they find a chilling lab, complete with a chair that looks like it belongs in a dentist’s office, if not for the manacles bolted to the arms and legs, and the macabre net of needled probes haloing the headrest.

Lena sleeps for days when they get her to the DEO. They clean the smears of blood from her forehead, examine her from head to toe, but when she wakes Lena is hale and whole and remarkably cogent. She doesn't seem surprised by her rescue, and is neither scared nor thrilled to be back.

She's a little distant, but otherwise well-adjusted-- unnervingly so. The Superfriends are all massively concerned, but Lena goes to therapy, she follows the doctors' instructions, and they don't want to make it worse so they just... let her be.

Until the day that Kara walks into Lena's L-Corp office as Supergirl, and finds her building a bomb.

A big one.

"Is that...?"

"A bomb?" Lena replies coolly. "Yep. I'm surprised it took you this long."

"Lena..."

"Don't come any closer," comes an off-hand warning, along with a head tilt towards a new arrangement of wall-mounted rail guns suddenly aimed at Kara.

"Those are loaded with kryptonite bullets. Not sure if kryptonite is needed against a construct, but just in case you're following the usual rules... even if it doesn’t kill you, it'll hurt like hell."

Kara swallows thickly. "I don't know what's happening, but I do know that this isn't you. Step away from the desk, and we can talk about what's going on with you, okay?"

"Nope. No more talking. No more interrogations, no more debriefing. No more scenarios."

Scenarios? "Lena, what--"

"I'm a little surprised to be honest. You usually catch on to my escape attempts a lot sooner. But that was my mistake, wasn’t it? Escape."

Finally, Lena straightens and turns, pressing a button that sets a countdown in red lights.

"Tell me, mother," Lena smirks, folding her arms against her chest. "Do you believe what they say about the Matrix?"

Kara doesn't understand what's going on, but she does understand that Lena is not well, and she understands that Lena is fully intent on blowing them both up. And the whole city block, if the size of the bomb and Lena's acumen are any indication.

"Lena, please..."

Green eyes regard her coolly. "You really do look like her. Its the closest you come yet. Fitting that it'll also be your last."

"What do you mean?"

"Scorched earth. There's nothing to reset if this explosion fries every neuron in my skull. So whatever you're looking for, better ask now before I'm brain dead."

"Lena--"

"Oh, and before you decide to blip out on me, I should probably mention that this room is equipped with an electromagnetic barrier. Again, not totally sure it works against what amounts to an online avatar, but I figured I might as well do my best to rid the world of both us Luthors."

"I am not your mother..."

"Obviously."

Kara's gaze flickers to the timer, ticking down. Less than twenty seconds.

"Lena, I am not Lillian, I am not here to hurt you, but I need you to let me get that bomb out of here--!"

"Ooh, the tears are a nice touch. For a heartless bitch I'm impressed--"

"I am not your mother!"

"You're not Supergirl, either--"

Without thinking, Kara surges forward, pressing her lips against Lena's. She can almost feel the surprised stutter of her heartbeat underneath the panicked roar in her own ears.

She pulls away, maintaining her grip on Lena's face to stare deep into her eyes. Shocked green stares at her, her calm confidence flickering in confusion.

"Would your mother have done that?!"

Lena's mouth works wordlessly, finally returning something human to her. Finally, she looks at the room around her as though seeing it for the first time. Too late.

The timer flickers from two seconds to one.

"LENA!”

She only has time to wrap her arms and her cape around Lena before the bomb detonates. The force of the shock wave throws them through the office wall, followed by a bellow of flame and debris.

Heat engulfs them both, swallowing them in a blazing inferno that seems to last hours. Kara's entire focus narrows to funneling cold air from her lungs to the hollow of her cape, cooling the air within before the superheated gust could sear Lena's lungs.

For an interminable moment, her world is fire and ice, and the desperate, panicked prayer that when it abates, Lena's heart will still be beating.

As soon as she can spare an ounce of focus she propels them both through the nearest window. The blaze chases at their heels, hungry for the oxygen accessible through the broken pane. Kara doesn't stop. Not until she's skidding against the floor of the DEO lobby, Lena cradled against her chest.

"Supergirl!" Alex calls, cutting through the blur of Kara's shock. "We just got the alert about--"

She cuts off abruptly as Kara peels back her cape to reveal the bruised and ashen features of an unconscious Lena. Her hair is dry and singed, soot staining every inch of her, blackening the raw, weeping burns the cape couldn't protect against.

Kara looks up at her sister, tears cutting twin tracks down her cheeks.

"Lena's not okay."

---

Lena wakes in the infirmary, bandaged, medicated, and under constant guard. Kara remains at her side, and straightens when she sees her friend's eyes flutter open.

"Lena?”

At the sound of her voice, Lena's eyes pinch shut. Gritting her teeth, her hands fist in the blankets.

"Are you in pain? Alex! Lena, it's all right, you're safe--"

"Shut up!" Lena cries. For the first time, something besides ready acceptance colors her voice-- despair. "Just shut up! You're not real. You're not real!"

Kara stares, helpless. Alex materializes at her side, watching with wide eyes.

"It should have worked, why didn't it work... You're not real. Not real..."

"Lena..."

"You're not real!"

---

The chair, Brainy deduces, was a means to run a series of simulations. From the data he's able to mine, Lena has spent most of her captivity in that chair, trapped in an ever evolving construct of her own mind, where it learned her patterns and expectations until it could render even the most realistic and intricate scenarios.

For what purpose, they don't know.

"Information, perhaps," Brainy suggests, his anxiety betrayed by his habitual twisting of the Legion ring on his finger. "Something they anticipated Lena would only share with a familiar figure."

"Or maybe to mine her intellect?" Alex theorizes. "If they had a problem, Lena would be the one to solve it."

"Whatever the reason," Kara concludes, her voice low, "Lena caught on. She learned to doubt everything she saw. Us included."

"So how do we snap her out of it?" Nia asks.

They all exchange glances, hoping another has an answer.

None of them do.

---

Reason gets them nowhere.

Footage of Lena’s discovery and rescue is met with disinterest. Detailing the ongoing search for Cadmus and her mother puts Lena to sleep.

They take her to L-Corp to show her the aftermath of her bomb. Thankfully, they'd been the only ones in the building, but the damage was substantial even weeks later, and it seems that none of the prior simulations ever displayed such continuity. For a moment, her mask cracks.

They try to capitalize on their opportunity by immediately following up with a game night. Lena loses soundly, seemingly another distinct change. Lena's features soften further, enough for the tiniest of smiles to creep over her, and for a moment they can believe that they've finally gotten through.

Twenty minutes later, Alex finds Lena in Kara's bathroom, carving a long, deep line into her forearm with a razor.

Chaos reigns, and a hopeless fear creeps into Kara's heart as she cradles Lena in her lap. Alex wraps a hand towel tightly around the wound, lifting it above Lena's head while Brainy notifies the DEO.

"Lena... please," Kara whispers. "I don't know how to help you. Tell me what I need to do."

Hazy green eyes gaze up at her.

"Let me go..."

"No, Lena--"

"Please, Mom…" Lena's voice cracks. A tear squeezes from the corner of her eye, coursing down her temple to pool against Kara's hand. "Let me go."

It's worse than the moments before the bomb went off. This time, it isn't a triumph of spite.

This time, it's surrender.

---

It's a surrender none of them accept.

When Lena is stitched up and resting under sedation in the infirmary of the DEO, the rest of them gather to discuss a new plan of action.

"There is likely no way to convince Lena that this is the true physical world," Brainy delivers crisply. "The nature of the machine allows it to perfect mimic the world she expects to see, but any aberration to that effect is merely a glitch, or an instance of learning."

Alex shakes her head, hands propped on her hips. "I refuse to believe there's nothing we can do. There must be something we're missing."

Silence stretches between them, until Kara rocks back in her seat.

"If we can't convince her out here, maybe we can convince her in there."

Nia blinks. "In... where?"

Turning to Brainy, Kara takes a deep breath. "Brainy, you've found mind-palaces for both me and James. Do you think you could find Lena's?"

"You think we might connect with her there," James fills in. "Like Kelly did with me."

Kara shrugs. "It's worth a shot."

"It would be exceedingly difficult," Brainy warns. "Even before this recent trauma, Lena has relied heavily on compartmentalization, which I now know is not a healthy mode by which to operate. Her mind is bound to be in chaos-- if there are any boxes left, it may be wise to leave them unopened."

"Could you build a new one?" Alex asks.

Nia shakes her head. "Isn't that what got us into this mess in the first place?"

"I don't know what else we can do!" Kara snaps. "I am not going to just sit here and watch her kill herself! I won't! We--" Her voice cracks. "We just got her back..."

The others stare at her in stunned silence. Kara swallows her rising sobs, and looks omce more to Brainy.

Brainy shifts uncomfortably.

"I will try."

---

It takes days, but with Nia's help, Brainy succeeds. He finds the one quiet corner of Lena's mind, and with the aid of Nia's psychic powers manages to tethers Lena's consciousness to it. The moment he gives the signal, Kara puts white diode to her forehead and closes her eyes.

When she opens them again, she finds herself standing on the rocky shore of a wide flat lake, the water so still it turns the surface to mirrored glass.

On the shore stands a familiar figure, looking out across the water with an air of peaceful serenity.

"Lena?"

Lena turns, and when she lays eyes on Kara her features spread into a soft, sweet smile. "Kara..."

The next thing Kara knows, she's wrapped up in all she remembers Lena to be-- her warmth; the smell of her shampoo; the press of broad hands against her back, pulling her close.

"I've missed you," Lena murmurs. Kara hiccups a sob, half of a laugh. If only Lena knew... "But I think I've finally done it. It worked."

Kara's purpose catches up to her like a knife to the heart. She grips Lena tighter.

"You're not dead, Lena."

Lena pulls back, resting her hands on Kara's shoulders. "It's okay," she says calmly. "It means it's finally over."

"No, Lena. We saved your life. This place isn't real, Brainy made it so we could talk to you."

Kara braces for Lena's reaction, but it comes in the form of lines crinkling at the corners of Lena's eyes.

"It is real. Real enough, at least." She turns to look out across the water. Though she pulls out of Kara's embrace to do so, their fingers lace together in a gentle grip. "My mother died here."

Kara's heart pounds against her ribs. This isn't a construct of Brainy's design. It was something else.

Lena turns to look at her, giving their joined hands a squeeze. "I'm glad I got to see you again."

Absurdly, Kara's reminded of The Deathly Hallows, and Dumbledore's final scene in a quiet, sterile version of Kings Cross Station. That's what this place feels like: a waystation. A platform to say goodbye.

"No."

Her voice cuts through the quiet, sharp and incisive. She pulls Lena back around to face her, and gets a startled pair of green eyes staring back.

"Four months ago, we found you and rescued you from a Cadmus facility. In that same facility, we found a chair."

Alarm sharpens Lena's gaze. She tries to pull free, but Kara tightens her grip. "No, no, I won't--"

"You're not there anymore," Kara promises, rubbing her thumbs against Lena's hands in comfort. "We brought you home. We thought you were fine, but-- six weeks ago, you built a bomb in your office. And then you tried to stop eating. And then..."

"Stop," Lena said. "Let me go--"

"I don't know what Lillian wanted from you--"

"LET ME GO!"

Lena tore free, stumbling backwards from the force of it. Suddenly, the placid aura of the lake shattered with the sharp, heaving sobs of Lena sitting among the rocks, hands pressed tight to either side of her head.

"It wasn't enough... it's never enough! Why won't you let me go?! Please! Please just let me go..."

Kara sits on the pebbled beach in front of Lena. When she reaches for Lena, it's to place one hand on a pale ankle, exposed by a denim cuff.

"I don't know what she wanted from you," Kara says again, more gently. "And I'm not going to ask."

Rocking, hands pressed tight to her head, Lena says nothing.

"I don't know how to convince you the real world is out there," Kara continues. "I don't know if I can. Maybe... maybe you just have to choose to believe that it is."

"I won't give you anything--"

"The only thing we're asking for is you, Lena."

Lena opens her eyes, meeting Kara's gaze for a brief moment before the anguish returns, and Lena rocks backwards once more, breath quickening with anxiety as her features pinch in distress.

"We won't ask you any questions except what you want to have for lunch," Kara continues, desperate, "or what movie you want to watch on Friday night. We don't even have to stay in National City. We can go up to the mountains-- find you a lake just like this one, where no one can find you."

Lena stills. Her eyes stay closed, her body continues to tremble, but the rocking stops, and Kara hears the steadying breath that cuts through it all.

When Lena makes no move to speak, Kara tries one last time.

"I know it won't be easy. I know how tempting it is to just let go. And I know I can't stop you." Her hand firms on Lena's ankle. "This is your crossroads, Lena. Whatever happens next, you have to choose. All I'm asking, right here, right now, is that you choose us."

Kara's breath catches in her chest.

"All I'm asking is for one more day with you. So that tomorrow I can have one more chance to ask you to stay. However many times it takes."

Lena sags, exhaling into a sob. She reaches for Kara's hand.

"I'm so tired, Kara," she whispers.

Nodding, Kara blinks back her tears. "I know... I know."

They sit together for long minutes, until Kara senses that her time here is down. Whatever happens next, comes from Lena, and no one else.

"If you do choose to let go," she croaks. "Please know how sorry I am that I didn't find you sooner. And know that we don't blame you. We love you, and we'll miss you every day."

With a final squeeze, Kara climbs to her feet, letting Lena's hand slip from her fingers.

"Kara--!"

"I love you, Lena. With all my heart."

Kara blinks open to the sight of the med bay ceiling, and the weight of Alex's hand in hers.

"Kara?"

Brainy and Nia both exhale, turning to face her.

"It worked," Kara croaks. She pulls the sensor from her forehead and sits up, scrubbing the tears from her cheeks. "I saw her."

"What happened? Did she believe you--?"

"She needs to choose," is all Kara can say. "She has to choose."

Together, they wait.

---

Kara stays at Lena's bedside as she sleeps, long after the sedative wears off. As the minutes and hours tick by, Kara waits for the ever growing expectation that the only change in Lena's condition will be the flatline of the heart monitor.

Which is why she jumps a foot in the air when Lena's hand tightens on hers, well into the next morning.

"Lena?"

The room wakes around them: Nia bolts upright from where she'd slumped against Brainy's shoulder; Alex pushes off the wall, crossing towards the bed; James jolts awake, blinking and bleary-eyed.

Lena flinches when her eyes open to find shadows looming over her, as her heart monitor jumps alarmingly. Kara motions them back with her free hand, the other still locked around Lena's.

"Lena, can you hear me?"

After a long moment, Lena manages to turn her head, focusing a blurry gaze on Kara.

"Kara...?"

"It's me." Kara coughs out a smile. "It's us."

Lena blinks sluggishly against the hairs sticking to her forehead with sweat, jutting out over her eyes. Kara reaches up to smooth them away, then lets her hand linger against Lena's skin. Lena breathes softly, turning her face into Kara's touch.

"I choose you."

#supercorp #cadmus revenge #cw suicidal ideation #cw paranoia #cw self harm #pls avoid if you're not comfortable #idk where this came from #but i def worked on this all day instead of any of my other ideas #but i like it #happy ending #not a character death

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ravenforce · 5 years

Text

Muse

Prompt: "Hey, could you write a Lena Luthor Alex Danvers (you can choose the one you like) where the reader is an artist (painter) and have been secretly in love with one of them and the reader paints about how they feel but Alex or Lena don’t know why they paint such things??"

Requested by: @pressolo23

Pairing: Lena Luthor x Reader

Word Count: 1912

Warning/s: None, except it’s long.

A/N: Hey guys, you know the drill. I don’t own there characters. Also, all mistakes are mine. Sorry! I hope you guys like it.

***

Art has been a part of you for as long as you can remember. Growing up, you would much rather stay indoors and draw than go outside and play with other kids your age. You're an only child, your parents indulged your every whim; which in that case is just art materials. Your parents would even take you on a trip out of town sometimes, so you can, as they say, find inspiration elsewhere.

You just moved to National City. After your parents' early demise, you moved around a lot. Until recently, your art curator best friend, Markus, asked you to come to National City and work in his gallery as a resident artist. You agreed easily, you haven’t seen him after he moved away and what do you have to lose anyway.

Moving to National City proved to be a wise decision. You're putting some roots; you're renting an apartment a short distance from the gallery, you're getting along well with your employer and his other artists, you're also making friends outside of work. For the first time in a while, you feel like you're finally living again. Painting though is still a struggle sometimes. After your parents' accident, you struggled with your art. Even Markus noticed when he was viewing your latest piece.

"Don't get me wrong (Y/N), your technique is spot on but something seems to be missing," he mused while carefully studying your work.

You sighed, you know it's true. It doesn't have a soul.

He saw you looked down, he patted your shoulder and said, "you'll find it again, I know it."

***

A few days after, Markus announced that the following week a benefactor will be visiting the gallery and the studio to meet them. The gallery will host a small party. You're not new to these types of events, so you just shrugged and went back to your studio to try and rectify your current predicament. Of course, you know it's somewhat futile to force inspiration to come when it won't. So you just ended up sitting cross-legged in front of your last creation and staring at it.

The day of the party, you decided to play nice and dress up for once. You're wearing black trousers, a white oxford shirt, and black oxford shoes. You look nice, most of your friends you left at home would even say you look like your normal self if they can see you. When you stepped into the gallery that night, you expected the setup - typical. What you didn't expect was for the said gallery benefactor to be a beautiful, young woman. Probably the same age as you.

She looked up and met your eyes. Not to be cliche but when your eyes met, you felt like the wind has been knocked out of your lungs but the colors of the world that you've been missing for the past year has returned. You were speechless, you felt like you're on auto-pilot. Next thing you know you're standing next to Markus and he's introducing you.

"Ms. Luthor, this is one my artist, (Y/N)(Y/L/N)."

She offered her hand. "Hi, nice to meet you," she said.

You shook her hand. "Pleasure is all mine," you answered as confidently as you could.

“(Y/N)? You’re the one painting the dystopian cities? They’re inventive,” she said with a smile.

You fought down the urge to blush, but when someone as beautiful as Lena Luthor compliments your work, there’s no fighting it. “Ah! Yes, they’re an experiment though. A way to explore another subject and style,” you said politely.

“(Y/N) used to paint portraits,” Markus said.

“Used to?” Lena asked. You just smiled sadly at her.

***

The next morning, Markus was beyond surprised to see you at the studio bright and early. You’re already on your studio, priming your canvases and preparing your brushes and paints. “Are you gonna say hi, or are you just going to be creepy out there,” you teased him without looking up from your canvas. He let out a genuine belly laugh.

“I was actually trying to be polite. I didn’t want to risk disturbing you when you’re clearly on a roll,” he said. You turned towards him and rolled your eyes lovingly. He’s a really good friend, even after all this time.

“Get out of here, and don’t disturb me unless you’re dying,” you bantered back. He walked away from your studio laughing. After Markus left, you put on some classical music and started painting. You didn’t hear from Markus or anyone of the artist in-house artists until lunch time. They asked if you wanted to join them, which you politely declined.

It was two hours after lunchtime when you decided it’s time to get some food in you. So you washed your hands clean of paint, and the smell of turpentine. You pass by Noonan’s; it’s past lunch hour so there’s not a lot of people. Plus the smell of freshly brewed coffee is calling you. You were waiting for your takeaway when you heard someone call your name. You turned around and saw none other than, Lena Luthor. You took your food and coffee-to-go and walked to her table. She’s sitting next to a bubbly blonde woman, and a broody redhead.

“Late lunch?” she asked when you step beside their table. Everyone is watching you.

“Yes, I forget to eat when I’m in painting.”

“Oh, you paint! You must be (Y/N) from the art gallery. Lena talked a lot about you. I’m Kara, by the way, I’m Lena’s best friend,” Kara said, beaming from ear-to-ear. Lena bowed her head trying to hide her blush. Kara seems to be unaware of what she just said.

“I’m Alex, Kara’s sister. Lena’s less nosy friend,” the brunette said, clearly trying to diffuse Lena’s embarrassment. You chuckled.

“Yup, I’m (Y/N). I guess that makes me Lena’s new friend?” you said. They invited you to sit down and you ended up eating there too. Before parting ways, the Danvers sister invited you to game night the next day. You looked to Lena before agreeing.

“I guess, I’ll see you tomorrow at game night,” she said before leaving.

***

Since that day at Noonan’s, you have been accepted to Lena’s group of friends. You got closer over time. Close enough to visit her in the office with lunch, or drag her out early for dinner and drinks. Close enough that she invites you in her penthouse when she has a particularly bad day and doesn’t want to go out. Close enough for her to talk about her family history, her trauma, her pain, her insecurities. On these occasions, you would come back to the gallery and finish your newest collection.

Lena never questions why you never invited her to your place or your studio. She trusts you, but sometimes she wonders if you don’t want her there. One afternoon, you texted Lena if you can come by her office. When you arrived, she’s already on her sofa with her shoes on the floor.

“Wow, isn’t it a little too early to be slacking off, Ms. Luthor?” you teased.

She stuck her tongue out at you. And you marveled at how lucky to be witnessing this side of her. You sat next to her and handed her an envelope. She quirked an eyebrow before reaching out and opening it.

“Wow, (Y/N) your first solo exhibition in National City,” she said before she tackled you in a hug. “Congratulations! I’m so proud of you.”

***

Your exhibit was opening a week after you dropped the invitation to Lena’s office. Your exhibit features your works through the years, including a portrait of your parents, the landscapes from your home town, the dystopian cities series, and the one you’ve been working hard for all these past months. Lena arrived with Kara, Alex, Nia, and Querl. Markus met them at the entrance and guided them through the gallery. The group was pleasantly surprised to see some of them as a subject in one of your paintings - Alex laughing at Kara in-game night, Querl and Nia cuddling at movie night, Kara with a mouthful of potstickers.

“(Y/N) has a very good eye, and control to produce such intricate details using a brush,” Querl commented. Markus laughed.

“She’s been my friend since we were kids, (Y/N) has a talent remembering faces. It’s some sort of photographic memory,” Markus said. As they walked deeper into the gallery, the paintings have shifted from portraits to portraits of a woman’s back; sometimes hands, smile, and eyes.

“Guys, does this paintings look like,” Nia started.

“Lena,” Kara answered. She’s bouncing on her feet.

***

Lena is quiet while they continued to walk to the last room in the gallery. Everyone’s breathe caught. There are only three artworks in the room. On the left side of the room is Lena in her office; working in her computer with a very serious look in her face. On the right side is Lena laughing at game night. In the middle is Lena in her penthouse, wine glass in hand, without makeup and smiling softly. Lena is stack still in the entrance of the room, while your friends went in to inspect the paintings more closely.

“Don’t you like it?” you suddenly said beside her. She turned around so fast, you worried she might get whiplash. Your friends noticed you and started to congratulate you. You beamed at them.

“Why?” Lena asked quietly before she stormed out of the room. Your friends are confused, you’re not. Kara is already going after Lena, but you stopped her. You walked out of the room to follow Lena. She’s already out of the gallery when you caught sight of her. You jogged up to catch up to her.

“Lee,” you said as you caught her arm.

“Why?” she wants to cry. She thinks this is some prank. She doesn’t feel worthy of your attention, your affection. She doesn’t feel worthy of you. She’s out of breath from the power walking. You tucked a stray hair out of her face before looking in her eyes and said, “because Lee, you’re worth it.”

A sob escaped her before you pulled her into a hug. “In all the times, you’ve told me about your insecurities, I come back to the gallery to paint something about you that I love. And I love everything about you, Lee.”

She cried some more and hugged you back.

“I love you too,” she said after her tears died down.

#lena luthor x reader #lena luthor x you #lena luthor imagine #lena luthor #supergirl #supergirl imagine #raven writes

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ninjagoat · 6 years

Text

Notes on Supergirl 3x23

Heroism is about sacrifice.

Much is made of what heroes can do, less so of what they give up in order to do it. But, as the episode title tells us, it's not just about battles won.

M'yrnn gives his life to save the Earth, and that's just where it starts;

J'onn has to give up the DEO to follow in his father's footsteps...

Alex has to give up her adoption plans, or at least put them on hold...

Sam gives up her career so she can finally be the mother she feels Ruby deserves...

Lena - ever in search of that one grand gesture that will cement her as a hero in both the minds of the world and herself - gives up yet another piece of her soul gambling that the substance that makes World-killers can also be used for good...

Mon-El - with the only real happiness he's over known almost within his reach - has to stop reaching. He cannot know happiness in the 21st Century as long as there is work to be done, and, as we all know, a hero's work is never done...

Kara - having spend the entire season contemplating her dichotic nature - splits herself in two...

And Winn gives up... everything.

Absolutely everything. Everything he's ever known, everything he's ever loved, every chance to put what he can do in front of a world that's never respected him, and show the big players how it's *really* done. He has to give up his family - not just his mother, who has only very recently upgraded herself from "absentee" to "friendly acquaintance" - but the people really love him, and to whom he has quietly dedicated his life by providing operational and emotional support. Kara, J'onn, Mon-El; they all had to leave their homes because it would have killed them if they'd remained - Winn is doing all of this voluntarily.

Because a friend asked. All they had to do was ask.

All anyone has ever had to do is ask.

Yes, he'd been looking for a calling - whatever that actually means - and yes, he will still have Mon-El - who has a radically different public status in the future than he does in the present; but this is, fundamentally, a trip into the unknown. Maybe he'll succeed. Maybe he'll fail. Maybe he'll get fragged on his first field mission, and Mon-El will return with Winn's lifeless body in his arms (unlikely).

It's disappointing that this is where his journey ends. When (if) he returns, it will not be as narrative, but as epilogue; most likely, his experience will have changed him, probably for the better.

But what will that mean?

If he's flourished, if he's become as much a member of the Legion of Superheroes as Imra and Mon-EL are; then why couldn't he do that in his own time? What exactly was it about his circumstances in the 21st century that was holding him back?

And if he hasn't changed... what was the point of him even going?

But I digress. Back to the subject at hand.

Let's talk about who isn't making sacrifices. Who isn't giving up anything? Who ends up taking the final steps toward getting everything they ever wanted, as they've finally decided that everything will work out alright in the end, just as it always has?

Yep, it's time to talk about James.

I have written many times before about James's need for validation, his constant need for praise in the public eye, and how that drives every single thing that he does. His only significant action as the head of Catco has been to publish his own love letters to himself. "Everyone knows Guardian is a hero," Lena told him in 3x19. Who does she think made that happen?

The only thing keeping him from taking credit as himself was fear, entirely justifiable fear. But showing his face to one person - just one person - without immediate negative consequences is enough to convince him to overpower that fear.

And so, this monument to effortless success...

...a man who lucked his way into a Pulitzer prize and global fame, which turned into an art director position for a media empire based on that, and then a CEO position, based, seemingly, on being nearest when Cat was leaving...

...a man who managed to court Lucy Lane (twice), and Kara Danvers, AND Lena Luthor without ever being shown to stretch himself beyond bringing them a takeaway...

...a man who was somehow lucky enough to have a friend who was both willing and able to build bleeding-edge military-grade body armour for him, and to maintain it, and provide operational support all the time James was using it, FOR FREE, a friend who James nearly let get killed and then belittle for being upset about it, a friend whose biggest personal trauma James compared to his own selfish adolescent tantrum under the guise of 'being supportive'...

...he gets to sit in his office, in the ivory tower his girlfriend owns, sipping champagne with her; two egomaniacs believing their own bullshit and gradually making each other worse, resembling nothing so much as two supervillians teaming up (if only either of them were that interesting); and make all his dreams come true in a single phone call, without having to sacrifice a single damned thing.

...And he has the fucking AUDACITY to compare his struggle to Winn's.

If nothing else, READ THE FUCKING ROOM, douchebag.

Other observations:

- Kara's time travel plan makes no sense. At all. Using a disruption to send your consciousness back in time to your own body from a few minutes before? Where did that come from? I've been watching sci-fi for thirty years, and switching your time-travel from a simple, diagetically-uncontrollable wormhole method to Donnie Darko right at the end of your season is diabolically bad.

- I get why they can't do it, even as a fake out, but... if you're going to end the season arc on Kara concluding, once and for all, she is Kara DANVERS... you have to kill Alex. That has to be the thing that drives Kara to take the next step. Having it be Mon-El makes it weird.

- Especially if you've set the two of them up all season, only to blow them off with no real closure. Especially since, narratively, you've left the door WIIIDDDEEE open for him to come back. But then, Kara has been split into two at this point, which leads me to...

- You cannot end your season spent trying to reconcile someone's dual identities by SPLITTING THEM INTO TWO while SIMULTANEOUSLY claiming they've found their place in the world. These two concepts undermine each other entirely. It's so shoddy.

- Alex and Lena have a conversation about Alex adopting, mainly because they do very little else for the rest of the episode.

- James seems to think Lena didn't try to overdose Reign with Kryptonite, even though he basically suggested it; becuase James's understanding of Lena is based on how she fits into his superhero LARPing fetish, and not on her actual personality. James is dumb.

- Okay, I brought up the Kara/Mon-El goodbye scene already, but as it ends, there's a wide shot where Kara is crying her eyes out and WHY DIDN'T YOU USE THAT TAKE?

- Couldn't have Imra in the scene where Brainy recruits Winn for the future, could you? Couldn't even hint that an attractive woman might like and respect him, could you? #iampetty

- How... how is Alura getting home to Argo? Can she not hang around for a few days first?

- The goodbye scene. Some greatness (Ms. Leigh giving it everything), and a lot of quibbles, namely:

- "He's a hero." Say it to HIM, Kara.

- "Don't tell Clark I showed you that." Of course not, James. I'm sure after we tell him how you covered up an oligarch's private collection of Kryptonian murder rocks so you could get laid, he's going to have other things on his mind.

- "You're a true friend." Because we can't say 'best friend' anymore, because BASTARDS.

-Either way, he should have answered, "Always."

- Nope, no Winn/ Lena scenes. Of course there aren't. The show barely respects me as a viewer, they sure as shit don't give a fuck about having me as a fan.

- Originally, I wasn't going to do more of these for season four. But three episodes along, there's so much bullshit that it has to be done. #iamsopetty

#notes #superglue

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winn-schott-imagines · 6 years

Text

So here is the 5 times Alex hugged Winn, and the 1 time he surprised himself.

Given his past it wasn’t a surprise for anyone that Winn wasn’t a touchy person. It took him a long time to get used to everyday touches, such as pats on the shoulders; playful nudges, but his biggest enemies were hugs. In the beginning he couldn’t stand them, he wasn’t used to getting them, thanks to his parents and foster parents. When he and Kara became friends it took him months to get comfortable with it, but after sometime he even began enjoying them. But he never give hug to anyone, it was always the other person who hugged first. The only time he defied that rule was when he hugged Superman, but since he didn’t know the basic rules of giving hugs it turned out to be really awkward. He stopped trying then.

After a year of the forming of the Superfriends he wasn’t even surprised by getting hugs. Or so he thought, but then Alex (aka the least touchy person in history according to him) gave him a hug and he was confused once again.

So here is the 5 times Alex hugged Winn, and the 1 time he surprised himself.

1. When Kara woke up from the Black Mercy’s dream

Alex watched as her little sister woke up, she was sad and confused, but most of all, hurt. She itched to hug her, but she knew it wasn’t the right time. Soon a new emotion appeared in her eyes anger, a moment later she was out of the window, looking for Non.

People began to leave the room, first Max, then James and J’onn, only Winn lingered around in the room, looking lost and somewhat scared. She figured he was feeling the aftershock of the situation, the realisation sinking in, and the heart-rending dread leaving his body.

They weren’t close, sure they were friends, but the only reason they knew each other, and talked to each another was Kara. She doubted that, they have ever spoken about anything that wasn’t linked to Kara.

But now looking at him, seeing how miserable he looked, she couldn’t help but to feel sorry for the man. After all, he had just unburied some life-long traumas and got kidnapped less than a week ago, plus he was rejected by his crush, the very same person, who almost died in front of him less than 10 minutes ago. It was obvious he still had feelings for her, but he kept them at bay, he didn’t force himself on her which Alex respected. She has known many men with less of a spine.

The thing is, The-Big-Sister-Instinct is not something that you can just turn off. She couldn’t comfort Kara, and it was bothering her, like an angry itch. And Winn was looking like a kicked puppy. She couldn’t stop herself. She enveloped him into a hug, he froze immediately, and it took him a good 15 second the hug her back. They stayed like that for a bit, she couldn’t tell if he was grateful or confused, probably both, but she didn’t care.

Soon she let him go smiled at him, and left the room. From the doorstep, however, she turned her head back a bit, and said:

“Be at Kara’s apartment in 15 minutes, we need to clean that mess up.”

And with that she left, leaving him behind with a surprised expression written all over his face.

2. When Jeremiah betrayed them

When Winn and Mon-el first told her their allegation she was furious. She was hurt by the idea, and the fact that her friends could have thought of something like that. And then Kara too, it was ridiculous.

But then she heard the fight over the coms and when they got back, they saw and injured Winn and J’onn and her father gone. She felt guilty deep down, but she still had hope. She hoped that there was an explanation and her father was still a good man.

They chased him, they talked and then he was gone again. She couldn’t shoot him, she couldn’t. She cried her eyes out in the forest alone, and when the tears dried she headed back to the DEO to act like she always did, unaffected and strong.

J’onn was better, he healed fast. She talked to her mother, she took it well, or more likely masked her pain well. Eliza went home, said she go to bed early. Alex however stayed for a bit longer. She didn’t wanted to go home, instead she tried to bury herself into work, but there wasn’t much to do. She wandered around aimlessly for while. From the corner of her eyes she still saw Winn holding his neck and grimacing in pain. Guilt flowed through her. It wasn’t her fault, she knew that, but somehow it still was. She started to walk towards him, at first she didn’t even know what she wanted from, forgiving? Nahh, it was that, in a strange way, she hoped he could understand her.

“Hey, Winn!” he turned around fast, with a surprised expression.

“Alex?” his expression changed from startled to understanding. “How are you doing?”

“Good, good”

“You don’t have to…” he started to say, but he didn’t know how to finish the sentence. You don’t have to be alright? You don’t have to pretended? He meant all of them, but saying them out loud just seemed like a bad idea.

Even with the missing parts, she got the message, and the way he said it, the way he looked just made her eyes tear up. She didn’t wanted to cry now, she came here to apologize after all.

“I just wanted to say, I am sorry that he hurt you, and that I didn’t listen to you,” She said in hurried tone and started to fast-walk away. But he knew better than to let her do that.

“Uhmmm… You know what! I will forgive you, but only if you drink with me!” his tone was playful, but in the same time had some depth in it.

5 minutes later they were sitting in an empty room with beers in their hands. They didn’t say a thing, neither of them knew what the right words would be. Finally Winn broke the silence.

“You know, you can always talk to me about it.” All the response he received to that was a groan. “You know that, I am far too familiar with you situation.”

She looked up at that, she felt like she knows the answer, but it have just escaped her mind. At her questioning face, he laughed.

“Ah, come on! Don’t give me that look! You are talking to the President of the My Relative Is A Villain Club!”

“The what?”

“Well, it is a rather small club. It just me and Lena Luthor, but sometime Kara too, I mean Astra is a relative, but not a really close one. But you have definitely earned the right to join us!” They were laughing now. It was absurd and in a morbid way, hilarious.

“No, but seriously, I know where you are coming from. I mean, when my dad was first brought into questioning, I was sure he had nothing to do with it. Then the weeks passed and he changed, it was obvious he did it, but I still believed in his innocence. I hoped even when the FBI showed up on our doorstep, dragging him away. I gave up on him when he blew up an agent in our front yard. I spent months feeling guilty for being his son, and for not hating him. I tried so hard to hate him in the beginning, I just couldn’t. Then 2 months later, when I was left in my first foster home I for the first time I loathed him.”

“Winn, I let him run away!” She didn’t know what made her confess it, but she felt like she will collapse under the burden. “I should have shot him! But I let him run away, I didn’t even fight him!”

“I know.”

“You knew?”

“Alex, there is no person on the earth who could run away from you, when you have gun with you. But don’t worry, we will find him.”

“Why aren’t you mad?”

“Less than a year ago, I watched as a bunch of FBI agents shoot him down, well not him, but in the moments I thought this is it, he is gone for ever, I felt sadness and pain. He is my father, even if I hate him, and he can’t die without causing me even more pain. You couldn’t shot your father for the same reason. Somewhere deep down, we will always hope, that we are wrong, and they were right.”

She was sobbing now, again. She cried because it hurt, but she was grateful, because he did understand her. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she threw herself on Winn, and hugged him. He returned the favor straight away. He comforted her, hold her and rubbed circles on her back to calm her down. They stayed like that for several minutes, until Alex didn’t feel better. She dried her tears said thank you, and left the DEO.

3. when Lyra framed him

They have gotten closer to each other, actually she had adopted him to be her little brother. She didn’t tell him that, but it wasn’t needed, they joked, they teased, the bond was there between them even without naming it.

Maggie often called her, during work hours, for the most random of reasons, but this was by far the most unexpected one. When she said, Winn was brought in for stealing Starry Night, by Van Gogh, she laughed, she thought she was joking, but she wasn’t.

15 minutes later she and James stormed into the room, to see a pale and distressed Winn in a chair, across him Maggie and TV screen. It was obvious he was upset, angry but most scared. No surprise there after all, some of his worst memories were from the police questioning. When they left the station he took a deep breath, and some colour returned to his face. His hands were shaking, he tried to hide it, but didn’t succeed in doing so. She didn’t mention it, but made a mental note about it.

Things went downhill from there. The facts were, Lyra used Winn, framed him, and apparently never cared about him. Alex made another mental note, about Winn’s ‘bruises’, it seemed strange to her, why he used that word, he probably meant hickeys, right? In healthy relationship people do not receive bruises, you get those on the field, not in your home.

It took them an impressively short time to find out where Lyra was, they got there, they kicked ass and left with her in handcuffs with the painting in their hands. Alex didn’t hear the full conversation between Winn and Lyra in the trailer, but the look on his face said a thousands of words. He was betrayed and stabbed in the back, and now she twisted the knife his wound.

Lyra was taken to her cell, and Winn was left there in the headquarters staring after her. His expression was full of pain and hopelessness. She wasn’t telepathic like J’onn, but even she could hear his thoughts. All the rising self-doubt and shame too. He felt weak and defeated.

It was painful to see her little brother in such a state, and she wouldn’t allow him to be so sad. So she joined him and stood by his side for a couple of minutes.

“Why did she do it? Was all a set-up? Did she send those thugs after me, asked them to attack me, so she can save me?” he muttered. He wasn’t really talking to her, more like just said his thought put loud.

“It wasn’t your fault, Winn,” she said, and pulled him in for a hug. He responded straight away, holding her, like his life depended on her. And she let him, he deserved the comfort, he was put through so much pain and hurt in his life, he really deserved a stable loving relationship. And until the perfect girl comes his friends will have to do.

4. When Lyra showed her true face

After the art theft thing went back to normal in Winn’s and Lyra’s relationship. Alex often saw them together in the bar and other places too. They were sweet and she was happy for her little brother, but she always had a strange feeling about them. Like something was off. The bruises comment didn’t leave her alone,and when she looked at them for a long period of time, she noticed how possessive Lyra was. But she left those thoughts alone, because Winn radiated happiness.

Just like everyone else, she thought everything was fine with those two. And then Maggie came home with a troubled expression on her face. She said, she just came from the bar, asked if there has been any trouble lately, bar fights and such. She wrote some names, and then she heard a story, what she didn’t like not one bit. apparently, Winn broke some bad news to Lyra not so long ago, he even brought a present and her favorite drink, to wash away the bad taste of rejection (from the Guardian team). But even with his best efforts, Lyra was furious, she broke her present and her drink too. The bartender said, he was sure he would’ve had to step in soon, because the ‘lady’ looked like she will shatter the bottle on the poor lads head.

Alex had to sit down, she thought back to all the times she had seen those too together, at first she remembered how cute they were together. She was about to say, that is impossible, when the not so idyllic images filled her brain. When she hold Winn’s hand way stronger than appropriate, how she framed him, and attacked him later, how sometime Winn jumped, when he heard her voice.

“I have to go and talk to Winn,” Alex said, finally, and called Winn so the two can meet.

She ended up going to his place, because this wasn’t the chat they should have in the bar.

“Alex! Hey! What brings you here?” he asked smiling, his eyes filled with excitement. He reminded Alex of an over excited puppy.

“I am fine, I just wanted to talk to you. Are you alone?”

“Yes, yes Lyra left like 10 minutes ago. Come on in! Sorry for the mess, I was just about to clean up.” Winn said and went to the kitchen to fetch to beers. While he was gone, Alex looked around. The room was fine, sure there were some clothes lying around, but nothing too bad she thought when she first looked around, but when she looked around again, she noticed some unusual things. Such as the framed picture of his grandfather, lying on the ground broken. She knew how much he meant to Winn, he was the only one who have never left him down, he died before his son became the Toyman. There were books on the floor, like someone has throw them around.

She found it strange but, she tried to not to think to much into it. She was about to sit down, when she noticed something shiny on the floor. It was a glass fragment, green, looked like a shattered piece of a bottle of beer. Before she could continue her investigation, Winn appeared with 2 bottles.

“Here you go!”

“Thanks,” they clinked, and then drank.

“So, what did you wanted to talk about?”

“Uhmm I just wanted to ask how are thing going on with Lyra” She carefully watched his expression. He seemed startled, and then distressed, but soon he put on his usual smiley mask.

“Oh she is great. We are doing great! Yeah, it is cool all good” He lied terribly, his eyes darting around the room, and his hands holding the beer just a bit too tight.

”And how is Maggie?”

“She is great, the other day we went on a date…” she started to talk about her hilarious date with Maggie, but only paying half a mind to what she was saying, the other half of his brain was checking Winn out, looking for injuries.

The first thing she noticed was that he was wearing his favourite MIT pullover. The pullover have always held a special place in his heart, he told her once. It was a habit of his she have noticed over the years. Whenever he was a bit hurt after a mission, felt stressed or uncomfortable, maybe sad he always wore this. Kara and Alex always said that it was his transferable safe-place. Seeing him in it meant that something was off, and the way he was playing with the sleeves meant that he was hiding something underneath it. The second thing out of place was the way he held himself. Winn never-ever hunched over, only when he was in trouble. Yes, something is definitely up with him, Alex thought.

“… so we had to leave the place, before the dessert. But no worries, we stopped by our favorite little café, to finish the perfect date.” She said, still studying Winn, this time his expression. He seemed somewhat jealous, like he wished he could have the same thing.

“That sounds amazing! Man, I am so happy for the two of you, if last year, someone have told me you will be well like this, I wouldn’t have believed it.” he said smiling

“It is so good to see you so happy, you changed a lot Agent Danvers but t looks good on you”

“Ahh stop it!” she said and playfully punched him in the arm.

For a second he grimaced in pain, but he covered it right up with a laugh, like nothing happened. But Alex Danvers is not someone you can fool so easily.

“Winn, is everything okay?”

“Phfff, of course it is,” he said rolling his eyes and drinking from his bottle.

“Winn, is everything alright?” she said it in a different manner this time.

“Yes…” his voice trailed of and he stared in front of him, into nothingness.

“Winn, you know that you can tell me everything, right? You are not alone, because we are all here for you”

“Why are you telling me this? Why the sudden care?”

“Maggie heard a story from the bartender. He believes Lyra might be a threat for you.”

“That is ridiculous!” He was about to stand up, but Alex grabbed his hand.

“I think he is right. You are acting strangely, and I am worried about you, Maggie too.”

“But you have no reason to be worried. I am fine, and so is Lyra.”

“Then why did she broke that glass at the bar, earlier. Why does you room look like you were just cleaning up after a fight?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Books and broken glass on the floor, shattered pictures. You are in your comfort hoodie, and fidgeting constantly. Winn, I know you. I know that you wouldn’t let just anyone touch your Limited Edition Lord Of The Rings books, but now it is lying on the ground.”

“She might have a bit of an anger issue, but I am handling it, okay!” He was getting defensive. He reminded Alex to a spooked animal.

“Winn, having anger issues is not enough to justify abuse,” he doesn’t look up

“Did she hurt you?”

“No...”

“Winn!”

“I have had worse okay, it is nothing I can’t live with!”

“Yes you CAN live with it, but you DON’T HAVE TO live with it! Winn, she hurt you! You don’t deserve that! You deserve to be happy in a HEALTHY relationship, but this is toxic.”

“It is not that bad, really…”

“Let me see! Please” she used her commanding voice, and started tugging at his pullover. They glared at each other for a bit, but he was no match for her. In an awfully slow pace he took of his pullover. He was sitting next to her in a T-shirt now, avoiding eye-contact. Alex gasped. His arms were covered with bruises of all colours and age. He even had a cut on his left bicep. His hands were shaking and his face was red with shame.

Alex didn’t knew what to say, she have lost her words. She knew what she will, but she didn’t expect it to be this bad. Tears filled her eyes and pulled him into a bear hug. She noticed how he flinched at first, but she didn’t let go.

“Why didn’t you tell us? We would have helped you,” she whispered to him, while trying her best to comfort him.

“I didn’t know that I needed help. I thought we were doing fine,” his voice broke, but he didn’t cry.

“Of course you need help! Everyone needs help when they get hurt.”

“But…” he didn’t want to say it out loud, ashamed for some reason. “I didn’t know…”

“You didn’t know what? That you weren’t supposed to be hurt?” She almost laughed at the idea, but then Winn nodded against her shoulders. This stunned her, she pulled away to look into his eyes, because he couldn’t have meant that, could he? But he did.

“Winn, you didn’t know? How didn’t you know? You are the smartest man, I have ever met. And you don’t know that, you shouldn’t be hurt by a loved one?”

“Well, it is not like I had many references to healthy relationships! How would have I known?”

“Well, your paren…”she didn’t finish the sentence, because the realisation hit her on the face. Winn couldn’t have know, his parents hurt him, his foster parents hurt him, and the only girlfriend of his, she knows about was Shioban, and she used him, and attacked him. He was never thought how love shouldn’t come with pain.

They sat in silence for a bit, then she hugged him again. This time it wasn’t a bone-crushing hug, more like a gentle hug. A hug that tried to shield him away from the devils of this world.

5. When he had a bad day, and she didn’t notice

When she waltzed into the med bay she didn’t expect to see her sister and Winn in there. They seemed to be in a middle of a pretty serious conversation. She couldn’t see Kara’s face, but Winn’s expression was literally screaming: UNCOMFORTABLE! HURT! SHAME!

“Hey, Winn, J’onn is looking for you. What are you guys doing up here?”

The air froze a bit before, Winn tried to lie, and failed. Seriously, he is the worst liar in the history of mankind. Kara left the room, without a word, and so the two of them were left alone. It was obvious that he was feeling uncomfortable, his rambling gave it straight away.

“Just a normal day in the DEO… Nothing abnormal happening here…” he said trying to act normal. TRYING.

Alex knew something happened, that she needed to know, and she will get the information. She put on her cold, but intimidating look and started to close in on him. He started to back away, still rambling, but the bed stopped him.

“I am going to tell you everything...”he gave up, which she rewarded with a smile. So he started telling the truth but not in his usual manner.

His eyes were darting around and his breathing was a bit uneven, he was stuttering, and he kept going off topic, before he collected himself and got back to where he was.

“She had an other attack… you know like a panic attack, about she thinks it wasn’t that, because she it stronger than that… Kara said she is getting stronger… but Psi wasn’t even in the building… I mean we would have know about her being there… and no one reported familiar effects… I don’t know…. ahhhh I think she had a panic attack, but apparently she is too strong for those… but i didn’t see anything on the scanner… but I don’t get it, I mean that was some trauma, she can react to that in a way like this, right?... “ don’t know why she keeps on denying it… it is nothing to be ashamed of right?.. i mean it is a human thing, but she is human enough… and it is a result of post-traumatic-stress… that is not the victim’s fault, right?... but she is stronger than that…..”

“Winn, Winn, hey! Slow down!” Alex have tried for a good minute to get his attention, but he kept on rambling, while taking panicked short gasps. He was fidgeting and his legs were bouncing up and down, with a speed that even Barry Allen would have been jealous of.

He was spiralling into a panic attack and she felt somewhat responsible. He hadn’t been the same since Lyra, he was more anxious and tense. She shouldn’t have cornered him, it was a mean move, she didn’t thought she would receive a reaction like this. Of course, her rational side knew she wasn’t the one to blame for this panic attack, but her sister, who is apparently too strong for those.

“Winn, listen you need to breathe! Okay take deep breaths!” he still wasn’t paying attention to her, he is breathing became even worse. “Dammit… Winn! Winn!”

She knew it is a bad idea, but she was out of options, so she touched his shoulder. It worked, Winn looked at her, but he spiralled even deeper. She looked into his eyes, and started to calm him down. She knew how to, back in the days she had to calm down Kara a countless of times. She breathed with him, and counted, so he can get back in control.

She is protective of his little brother, even if she makes stupid jokes sometimes.

Soon, Winn was taking deep breaths, and looked a bit more collected in a way. She went and fetched a bottle of water for him, when she returned he was miles better. Big and regular breaths, his eyes were tired, and he was still a bit shaky.

“I am sorry, I didn’t meant to… breakdown like that…” he started, avoiding eye-contact. “I don’t know what caused it, I usually don’t… well… not like this”

“Hey, it’s alright! Nothing to be ashamed of.”

He snorted at that

“I shouldn’t have closed up on you like that, sorry.”

“It’s fine, really, not your fault.” They went silent for a bit, Winn slowly sipping water, while concentrating on his breathing.

“What did Kara say to you, that set you of?”She didn’t know how to say it.

“What do you mean?”

“You kept repeating, she is stronger than that…”

“Ahh, she panicked in the lift, at CatCo, and the thing is there is no way Psi could have been involved, I mean directly to it. I said she might had a panic attack, but she said that is impossible, because she is stronger than that.” he looked down at the ground, feeling ashamed again.

“You know that’s not true. When she first came to Earth she had many panic attacks, didn’t like small spaces. She is not stronger than them, no one is.”

“Yeah..” he didn’t argue, but he was still hurting.

“Can I hug you?” Alex asked, not daring to jump at him, it might set him off again.

He didn’t say a thing just nodded. And that was all she needed. She hugged him, and hold him, and soon he was crying. The stress of the past few weeks, putting up with Kara’s grief, while grieving his friend, and on top of that Lyra have left more damage than they first thought. It was a lot to begin with, he has been on the edge for some time, and Kara’s comment brought it up to the surface and Alex pushed him over the edge.

He cried into her shoulder, because he felt weak and everything was just too much at the moment.

“You are the strongest person I have ever met, I couldn’t live with the trauma you had to suffer through. I am so proud of you! We all are.” she assured him, while holding him tight.

+1.

Purity saw right through her. She knew all of her weaknesses and she wasn’t shy to point them all out. She said out loud her deepest fears, and she couldn’t do a thing about it. She couldn’t deny it, she couldn’t run away. It just hanged in the air, like some deadly gas. Kara sent her out, and she did left the room on the second order, but her sister didn’t follow.

She wished she had, she didn’t wanted to be alone. She didn’t know what she wanted. To be alone, to be free of her fears? She had no idea, but she was scared and lost. And so very hopeless.

She didn’t understand what was going through her. Purity didn’t say anything she did know, it was just… she never ever dared to say those thoughts out loud. Because this made it real somehow.

And she was alone. She didn’t wanted to be alone, because then Purity would be right. But where’s Kara? She should be here with her… Why was she alone.

She was holding her head and trying to collect her wandering thoughts, when Winn noticed her. She was in distress that’s for sure. She looked like she is going to cry. He can’t let that happen.

He crossed the room, and asked her what happened, with care in his voice and worry, like she always did so many time for him. She didn’t respond, she was losing a grip on reality.

Falling apart with every passing second, it was painful to watch. He wanted to comfort his big sister, so he didn’t even think about what he was doing.

He wrapped his arms around her, carefully and gently, drawing circles on her back, to calm her down. She didn’t return the hug, but in a weird way, she melted into it. Rested her head on his shoulder for a second, before breaking away.

He wanted to run after her, and help her with whatever her problem was, but then the crystal started to glow and he had to check on it. While he was trying to figure out the secret of the crystal, he had a sudden realisation: HE HUGGED ALEX DANVERS.

#winn schott #winn schott jr #supergirl #supergirl imagines #this is way too long #alex danvers #it might be grammatically incorrect at some point #sorry english is not my first language

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