#the next best thing is trying to help other people do that. i think.
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The Dork And The Nerd
Hello there!
I didn't post anything with Leah since like for ever, so there it is!
Please enjoy :)
TW : None I think, or please let me know :)
Looking around the room, you readjust the camera one last time before starting your stream. It’s your job, even if some people are still saying that it isn’t a real job and stupid things like that.
You were winning your life easily with it, living your dream. You always loved playing video games, you started alone because it wasn’t what your little sisters were loving to do. When you discovered online games it was a life changing for you. You started streaming when you were 18 years old, which was seven years ago now. It was hard at first to be honest, being a woman in this man world.
But you find some friends in popular streamers who took you under their wings and help you to be where you are now.
You have several thousand people who follow you to each of your live, four night each week. You still have some shit to deal with, like harassers, but you took a manager who is the one reading your mail. He takes on him to choose your different partnership and sometimes answer to the people sending you strange things.
You are openly gay, but that doesn’t make stop some of men to send you disturbing pictures. Thanks god it’s your agent who see them, but you are aware of it. Just like your girlfriend, though.
You start your stream like usual, saying hello to your followers and talking a little bit about actuality or what you did today. You have a white kitten, who you called Purrito, who is almost as famous as you are. He keeps coming when you are playing, sometimes lying on your hand, or trying to catch the mouse of your computer. You already have a lot of bloopers because of him, but you can’t be mad with him.
Lately, your passion for video games seems to have catch the attention of your girlfriend. She always was looking at you when you are streaming, when she can. You usually do it during the evening so she’s back from training or games.
When Leah asked you to learn to her how to play video games, at first you thought she was messing with you. But she was really serious and ask you one more time. And who are you to refuse something to your girlfriend?
At first it was just to have fun, but you soon have an idea, and you used your best puppy eyes to get your girlfriend agreed with it. You wanted to make her play with you, but without her showing her face in your screen.
You never talked about Leah being your girlfriend, even if you are together for two years now. The public know that you are in a relationship, you sometimes mention your girlfriend live. They just don’t know who she is.
You met Leah at a ceremony and Katie who is a fan of your job took Leah when she went to met you. You were happy to met Katie, but you find yourself thunderstruck by Leah. You don’t remember if you were really coherent that night, but Leah followed you back almost immediately when you did it on Instagram.
You waited the next Arsenal games to sent her a message, congratulating her for her performance. You even take a picture of you in the stand with your father (who really was surprised when you ask him to go with you to a women football game). Leah answered you that next time you come you have to tell her, so she could give you a better seat.
You didn’t know if she was serious or not, but she then asked you the next game in London if you are coming and she find you a seat in the friends and family area. After the game she offers you to go for a drink. You then had other dates, and the rest is history.
You got together one month before she did her ACL and even if it was a hard time, you both get stronger. You let Lia Wälti take the lead in Leah’s recovery, but you were always around to help too. When Lia return to her home, you were the one staying with Leah at night. And you kept taking her in her rehab and cooking for her.
The day Leah started to run again, you were at the training to watch her. This is the day where she officially asked you to move in with her now that she could do things alone again. Unless cooking maybe, but that’s another question.
You accepted of course and the blonde happily transformed one of her guest room in your studio of stream.
It’s where you are now, Leah peacefully setting on your living room, ready to go live with you.
“Oh, it looks like our guest is here” you smile when you see that Leah is connected too. “Hi Baby!”
You only said to your viewers that it was your girlfriend, without saying anything else. You are aware that maybe someone will recognize Leah’s voice, but it would be fun anyway.
“Hi Love” she answers.
You make a reminder of the game you were going to play, for her first live Leah chose a car games, Trackmania. It wasn’t your favorite game, but you were so happy that she said yes to you that you would have accept a Tetris game.
“How are you?” you ask her, while making the game ready.
“I’m fine. Happy to play with you tonight.”
“I am happy too” you smile before looking at the camera. “Let’s have her a good evening guys so she will accept to do it more often yeah?”
You hear Leah chuckle, and you can’t help but smile. You already are seeing comments saying that you look whipped, what makes you roll your eyes. It seems to you that Leah’s voice is a little different from what it is in reality, but maybe your mind is playing trick.
You play several runs with Leah, before switching to another game after talking with your chat who recommend to you to make Leah try an adventure RPG. When you look at the clock again, it’s past midnight.
“Oh wow I didn’t realize that it was already so late” you exclaimed yourself. “We are going to stop here guys, I’m sorry. Maybe next time we will try Minecraft or something else, I’ll let you know. I hope you had as fun as I had Babe.”
“It was really fun. Thank you for inviting me.”
You can hear Leah smile and you can’t wait to go to the living room for a cuddle and kiss session. When you played together until know, you were able to show each other or tease the other with kisses.
“You will be invited for more times” you smirk.
Leah left and you take the time to thanks your viewers a little more longer before logging off. You stretch, finishing your bottle of water before going to find Leah. You run on the stairs and Leah already knew you were coming before you jump on the couch next to her.
She laughs when you attack her with kisses all over her face, finishing on her lips.
“Did you really have fun?” you ask, looking at her with attention.
She nods, playing with your hair. She’s smiling and every time you look at her, you wonder how in the world you get so lucky. She’s perfect.
“I did” she smiles at you. “I’m not saying that I want to do that all the night every night, but it was great.”
“Mh I maybe have another idea for us to have fun all night” you smirk.
The tone of your voice is very obvious and if Leah had one doubt, she just has to look the way you are looking at her. Your fingers run on her tight and you kiss her one more time, before sucking slightly at her neck.
Leah gulp and just hums, tilting her head on the side for you to have a better access. You know what you are doing, after more than two years, you know Leah’s body and reactions like the back of your hand.
“Let’s go to bed” Leah decides several seconds after, taking your hand before dragging you in your bedroom on the first floor.
********
“It was a great session.”
You smile at Leah who came to your studio after you played together again. You were still sitting when she entered the room, and she passed her hand around your shoulder from behind to kiss your cheek.
“It was” you smile before turning your chair to face Leah.
She sits on your lap, and you pass your arms around her. It wasn’t the second time that you are playing together while you are streaming, today you chose Fifa and it was very fun. You made the pact not to play with Arsenal or England, but it was still very funny. Leah is a very bad looser, so you play several games in the same team too.
“People are starting to have some suspicion though” Leah says.
She was right, you saw on social media some things about your girlfriend being Leah. But it wasn’t the only name coming.
“Yeah, they said I will make a great couple with some of your teammates too” you shrug, before counting on your fingers “They are talking about Sabrina, Alessia, Kyra and Lia.”
Leah frown, not really liking the picture who comes in her mind.
“Nah. You’re mine.” she answers possessively.
“Do you want to tell people?”
Leah looks at you, thinking for several seconds before answering. This is lasting for some weeks now and you know that you can’t stay hidden forever. You attract the attention of the world by playing together.
“Not now. It’s fun like this, don’t you think?”
“It is” you confirm with a smile.
Leah has the habit to be coupled with every teammate and you are sometimes shipped with other streamers. You like to stream with other of them, certain being your friends too. There is nothing much, but that doesn’t stop people to imagine that you are dating one of them.
But you have to admit too that your stream with Leah attracts more people than usual, and you are a little scared that people will assume that you’re using your girlfriend for the views.
Your face being very close to Leah, she seems to realize very quickly that something is on your mind.
“What’s the matter?” she asks.
“Nothing” you say at first, before sighing. “Well, I mean… I already have some viewers saying that I’m using my girlfriend to gain more viewers, so I was wondering how they would react when they realize it’s you.”
You shrug to show her that it’s not really important, you don’t want to think you are worried about something so little.
“If someone say that you know what my answer will be?” Leah asks with a serious face.
“No” you mumble.
“I will tell them that we are together for two years, that you have been the best girlfriend in the world since. I will tell them how affectionate, caring, sweet, funny, clever and passionate you are.”
You can’t help but smile and feel your cheek being a little red at that statement. Leah smirks and kisses your cheek.
“And I’ll add that if you use me, it’s only in the bedroom and the way you do is actually very talented and also very private.”
You laugh this time, hitting her on the arm. Leah seems very happy about her joke, her eyes shinning with malice. She’s so beautiful. You bite her jaw before whispering.
“You’re such a dork.”
“The Nerd and the Dork, it would be a great book title” she smirks.
“You’re not totally wrong.”
********
“You’re cheating!”
You can’t help but laugh at Leah. You are playing once again against your girlfriend, during a live. You are playing at Mario Kart and you just won the race for the third time in a row. She’s fuming and even if you can’t see her, the noise coming from downstairs are letting you know that she’s actually kicking the ground right now.
“I’m not, Baby I swear. You can’t cheat in this game.”
“Yes, you are!”
You roll your eyes, not answering anything. You are of course very aware about of much your girlfriend hates to lose. You are at the first place while Leah is third, which is really good for someone who isn’t playing video games daily like you. But not for the great Leah Williamson.
“Someone in the comment is saying that I will sleep on the couch. I won’t Babe, right?”
“I’m not sure about it for now” Leah grumbles. “Or maybe I’ll go sleep to the trai…”
You cough suddenly and Leah stops talking, realizing what she was just about to say. You really hope that no one would understand what she was going to say. Or at least another end of sentence, not “training ground”.
“Alright, next game” you say right after.
“I’m gonna crush you.”
She doesn’t and when you join her in the kitchen after, she seems really embarrassed. You ignore the different messages asking what Leah wanted to say and the answer some of them gave. You saw that some people where right and you know that the research will start again.
“I’m so sorry” she says, coming for you while you’re entering the room. “I was fuming because I was losing, and I forgot for some seconds that it wasn’t only you and me.”
You smile, easily passing your arms around her to give her a hug. She cuddles against you when you kiss her temple.
“It’s ok, don’t worry. Plus, you are the most famous between the both of us, you will be the most annoyed by all that.”
“Why would I be annoyed?”
Leah back up her head a little bit, just to be able to have a better look at your face. You arch an eyebrow before answering.
“Because you always told me you want privacy.”
It was in the early hours of your relationship, and you never said anything against it. You understood Leah’s needs, at this time you weren’t as famous as you are right now. She wanted to be known for her skills, her job in football or her implications in different charities. And the point was very easy for you to be understood. Your friends are families know obviously about you two, it would be strange and difficult to hide a relationship when you live together. Plus because of her answer last time you talked about it, you were really sure that it was what she want.
“I told you that at first, but now I wouldn’t mind if people start to know about us.”
She shrugs like it’s nothing, but your mind just blown. You were used to the idea of people stay in the ignorance about your relationship and the love you have for this woman. As long as you have her, why would you complain?
“Do you… Really?” you frown.
“Yeah, I mean if you don’t want to be out…”
“No, I do. I just thought that you would like to stay private for like forever?”
“I love you. I want the world to know how happy you make me. But in several weeks. I want to play with your fans a little more.”
“Sounds good to me” you smirk. “And I love you too.”
********
For the next weeks, you chose one day of the week to play and stream with Leah. Between those days, you were careful to post some things on social media, giving little clues to your followers about the identity of your girlfriend. You never posted something with Leah or even with a part of her hand or hair. It was more subtle than that.
Until one day, where you were peacefully streaming while Leah went out with her friends. You usually go with her, but today it was more an unexpected drink, so you already have something planned on your channel. You have an entire trust in Leah, and you know that nothing would ever happen with anyone. If you go with her almost every time, it’s only to have a great time with her.
Plus, tonight she’s out with Katie, Caitlin, Steph, her boyfriend, and Kyra, so there are really no risks.
You usually wait for Leah to text you that she was coming home to cut your stream, so you have the time to finish what you are doing and say goodbye to your viewers. Tonight though, either you didn’t see her message, or she forgot to send it to you.
Still, there is suddenly a stunning blonde who enters your studio, showing herself in the camera at the same time. You are so surprised that you only can look at her on the screen of your camera.
“Hello Hot stuff! You won’t believe what I just learned about Kyra! Did you k- … Oh shit.”
That’s the moment she realizes. It was almost comical to be honest, the enthusiastic tone with which she began her sentence, the moment of silence and the last words spoken in a low voice.
You only have like two seconds to decide if you want to cut the stream and never talk about it again, or if it’s time to be honest with everyone. You chose a third way and turn to the camera.
“Well it’s time for me to say goodbye. See you tomorrow at eight. Thanks for being here!”
You wave and cut the stream and the camera before turning in Leah’s direction. She seems amused but she has at the same time the same look on the face of a teenager caught doing something wrong.
“Funny way to outing things, this clip will be viral” you comment with a small smile.
“I’m sorry?”
Leah can’t hide her smile and you can’t either. You can be mad at her for something like that. You let Leah comes to sit on your lap, kissing her softly when she’s settled. She taste like tequila.
“How was your night?”
“Great. But I missed you.”
She hides her face in your neck, and you feel the goosebumps forming when her breath stroke your skin.
“Did you have fun?”
She hums, start to kiss your neck and you know that the discussion you were supposed to have right now is delayed for now. You will have a lot of time to talk about it later. Your phones are way too busy receiving tons notifications to be able to do anything with it right now anyway.
********
YourInstagram and LeahWilliamson
liked by liawalti, leahwilliamson, alessia, bethmead and 199,937 others
YourInstagram Two years and a half with this dork. I love you ❤️🤍
comments have been limited
leahwilliamson I love you more my Nerd ❤️🤍
#woso imagine#woso x reader#woso fanfics#leah williamson#leah williamson x you#leah williamson imagine#leah williamson x reader
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say yes to heaven.
aitana bonmati x fem!reader
desc: gfs documentary made me cry so i had to write some fluff to make me feel better!!
you and aitana had been friends ever since you joined barcelona just a year ago. although the midfielder befriended and stuck with every newbie on the team until they found their closest friends, you and her instantly clicked and became best friends in no time.
what you werent expecting was for your platonic feelings for the brunette to blossom into a crush, which although you deemed would go away soon, never did and only became stronger.
you never acted on your feelings though, always too scared that she would never feel the same way, i mean you didnt even know if aitana was into girls or not, let alone whether she liked you back as well.
you had more or less successfully managed to suppress your feelings though. the multiple shots that mapi encouraged you to take at the club you and the team were at, seemed to make you temporarily forget about your tragically unrequited love for your best friend.
unfortunately, aitana wasnt the only one known in the team for not dating. and honestly, if anyone knew why you were laying off dating, they would not be able to blame you. however, as aitana wasnt one for teasing and pranking her teammates, they chose to not tease her for her inability to settle with anyone. opposite to aitana, you loved joining prank wars with vicky, jana, bruna, salma, pina and patri. which left you on the receiving end of relentless bullying about your lack of love life.
this night out in london was no exception, except this time, the group had decided to instead try help you find someone, and had now made it a contest of who could find someone for you first.
the rest of the team including aitana, who were much more mature than your group, had decided to come up to your table and sit with you all, making sure you wouldnt get into trouble. they had soon caught onto what your group was trying to do, and seeing the permanent pout on your face made it even funnier.
one person who was not amused though, was aitana herself, with her heart racing with fear every time someone pointed a random person out for you, and a scowl each time you winced when patri elbowed your ribs for saying no.
eventually it became too much for the midfielder to handle, as she told the group to grow up and stop being so immature and childish, before pulling you onto her lap.
your eyes widened in surprise and your cheeks flushed red as aitana then decided to loop her arms around your waist, her fingertips just dipping under the waistband of your skirt to rub small circles into your skin. your spine involuntarily shivered at the prospect of having aitana this close, and you blushed once again as she lent towards your ear to whisper something to you.
was this best friend behaviour in spain? honestly you werent too sure, but judging by the smirk that lucy sent your way, you were guessing that what you and aitana were doing was leaning more to the couple side of things.
most other people on the team who were sat around the table also seemed surprised and also amused at aitanas sudden behaviour. until vicky burst out laughing, interrupting everyones conversations as she said “i think i know someone whos perfect for y/n!” as she sent a very obvious wink at aitana, making you throw a cup coaster from the table at her head.
however it seemed that aitana hadnt found what vicky said amusing, as you felt her tense up behind you and her hands unravelled themselves from around your waist, before lightly shoving you off her lap onto the seat next to you, claiming she needed to use the bathroom.
you didnt see aitana for the rest of the night, she clung very closely to keira and ona much to your dismay. so to distract yourself from your crushes unusual and confusing behaviour, you decided to fully let loose. and what better way to do that than let pina and patri almost control your whole night, the duo were infamously known for their wild partying antics. so this came to a shock to everyone when you teamed up with them for the night, as you were know for your love to have a peaceful night in by yourself.
one of pina and patris dares was for you to somehow you and them free drinks, they waited at the end of the bar for you, incase they noticed you feeling uncomfortable and to also collect their drinks after. aitana and almost all of the rest of the team who had gone out that night were sat back down at the booth, all in their own little conversations.
you however had managed to find a spanish girl who looked to be in her late thirties, who you were almost certain looked easy enough to convince to get you free drinks. although your slightly tipsy state had you misunderstanding the dare, thinking they meant to get drinks for the entire table, which in theory it was almost impossible to get someone to buy that many drinks for a stranger. but you were a woman on a mission, and you didnt want to fail this dare at all, and you were determined to have a better night than aitana, who seemed to be completely ignoring you.
after talking and flirting with the woman for a bit, she offered to buy you a drink, to which you responded you were supposed to be getting your whole table drinks now. but as soon as you saw her pull a sleek black card out of her wallet, you knew you would be winning this dare. you managed to remember most peoples drinks, and glanced over to pina and patri who had looks of shock and disbelief on their faces at the number of drinks being made for you.
it was even better when she offered to take the two trays over to your booth after you claimed your arms were aching, pina and patri quickly trailed behind, curious at how exactly you had pulled that off.
as soon as she placed the trays of drinks down, her phone began to ring, as she spoke some fast, accented words in spanish to you, which your very tipsy brain couldnt comprehend, you quickly said adios to her followed with a drunken wave.
as pina and patri told the table the dare and how you had gotten it wrong, alexia, sandra, marta and irene shook their heads and lectured you for your actions, claiming that it was a stupid idea. whereas lucy clapped her hand on your back shouting “thanks mate” in your ear.
until ona spoke, drawing all the attention over to a very confused you “i cant believe she said that to you y/n”
you honestly had no idea what her words were, only comprehending the word “noche” making you guess she wished you a good night. “what do you mean ona? i didnt really understand it”
this made patri laugh “oh amiga, she said she wished she could have expanded her night with you, and said ‘preferably to get you in his bed’ you must have really been flirting with her”
upon hearing your newfound knowledge of what the woman said, aitana muttered under her breath of how she was tired and was going home, as she threw a glare your way, your stance visibly deflated and a deep frown settled on your face. you hated arguing with aitana, and it was so much worse that you had absolutely no idea what you have done.
you also excused yourself and began to follow aitana out, stumbling a few times as an effect of your ridiculously high heels and the large amount of alcohol youve had. you managed to catch up to her just as she was getting in her car, aitana hadnt had too much to drink tonight, so planned on driving herself home, even though she knew she would not be able to sleep with thoughts of you clouding her mind.
if you were sober, there was no way you would just rag open aitanas car door and fall straight on to the seat, but the drinks you had gave you the confidence and desperation you needed to to ask and find out what you did wrong.
“dios mio y/n! you terrified me, you cant just do that!” aitana shouted, your abrupt entrance had terrified the brunette, but you brushed her temporary shock to the side, a burning question on the tip of your tongue. “aitana have i upset you? why have you been ignoring me?” you asked with a frown on your face, completely averting your eyes from aitana. you were a sad drunk, often getting way too emotional, and the last thing you wanted to do was drunk cry in front of your crush.
“no, no- y/n, you havent! i- i just, im confused, okay? thats all, im not mad at you” aitana reassured, she avoided you tonight solely due to her confusion of her anger towards the people that your teammates had been picking out for you at the bar. if she knew how upset and anxious it had made you, then she would have stayed with you all night if it meant you were okay.
“do- do you want to come back to mine? or you can go to yours! thats fine too- honestly! i-” aitana noticed her rambling and cut herself of as she felt her cheeks heat up. “aita, i want to go back to yours please” you said softly to the midfielder. “vale cari, lets go” she responded.
as aitana navigated the streets of barcelona towards her apartment, you could help but laugh at her soft angered mutters of the irritating barcelona traffic and the dozens of traffic lights she had to stop at that she insisted were “unnecessary and a waste of time and money” as you approached a 24 hour food place on the side of the road, aitana moved her hand over to your thigh making your breath hitch. her question of whether you were hungry or not went unanswered, as you were too busy overthinking the hand on your thigh. as aitana pulled into a parking space she asked again however she was now met with your extremely flustered face.
this told aitana all she needed to know on whether her feelings for you were reciprocated or not, and the newfound knowledge that they were supplied her with enough confidence to lean over the centre console. aitana then grabbed your jawline softly, she noticed you glancing at her lips which gave her the confirmation she needed to press her lips onto yours.
the kiss started off slow, aitana not wanting you to feel uncomfortable and like you were rushing things. until you decided you wanted more and tangled your hands in her hair pulling her impossibly closer which prompted her to slip her tongue into your mouth, the kiss becoming rougher and more desperate. the kiss only ended when you were near to a point of gasping for air, and as you were still trying to catch your breath, aitana decided it would be a good time to ask “go on a date with me”. you couldnt tell if she had meant to demand you to go out with her, or whether she just forgot to form a question when translating what she wanted to say. either way, you didnt hesitate when responding “vale” with a small laugh at her way of asking you, as she turned to you with a smile at hearing the spanish fall from your lips.
———
yourinstagram
caption: shes not a very good driver 😇😇
liked by: alexiaputellas, lucybronze and 54,324 others.
comment:
lucybronze: i think we all know who that is..
-> yourinstagram: i think we all know who you left with last night (your not as subtle as you think you are)
fbcfemeni: is that caption really true?
-> yourinstagram: aitana get off barcelonas account 😭
-> fbcfemeni: its not aitana!!
-> yourinstagram: mentirosa 😬😬
user1: omg its a for aitana!!!
user2: has everyone seen barcas comments 😭
user3: not aita on the teams account 😭
#Spotify#woso#woso community#barcelona femeni#woso fanfics#woso x reader#barcelona femeni x reader#aitana bonmati#mapi leon#mapi león#ona batlle#alexia putellas#keira walsh#lucy bronze#aitana bonmati x reader#aitana
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𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐆𝐨𝐝 ꨄ Zaros
˜”* ❝𝙃𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙖 𝙂𝙤𝙙, 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙩 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣, 𝙨𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙖𝙮; 𝘼𝙢𝙚𝙣❞
⎯⎯ ୨ ୧ ⎯⎯
ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ: ᴅᴇᴀʀ ꜱᴇʀᴜʟʟᴀ,
⎯୨⎯ " " ⎯୧⎯
“Look at you, my Earis.”
You smiled at the compliment, knowing you looked ethereal. Even though it wasn’t the reason you were there, you still enjoyed picking out nice outfits. Give the people something to look at. People around you were stunned by your entrance, though, they weren’t the only ones.
Giggling, you take your elegant steps forward to your rival. He looked astonished by you. That wasn’t new though. Zaros tends to give you your credit where it’s due, especially regarding your appearance. He may be bitter but never dishonest.
“My Earis.” He takes a bow.
“My Zaros.” You tease.
He smiles at your comment, looking you up and down. Zaros tends to try to make you nervous. It only works sometimes.
“I must say, you look otherworldly.”
You smile at his compliment. His compliments usually felt better than others because even though you two weren’t on the best of terms, you knew he meant his words. However, you weren’t like that. Not at all. Sometimes, you’d make it obvious that you were lying but sometimes you’d do whatever you could to sound truthful.
“You look…” You started, “Okay.”
Zaros scoffed. He knew how you were whether it was teasing or genuinely being dishonest, he knew. And he couldn’t help but appreciate it a little.
“Shall we?” He reached out his hand, waiting for you to take it.
“I suppose we shall.”
This was a last-minute event. Everyone had been gathered together and invited to hear a speech from the two of you. It wasn’t originally in the plan but of course, Zaros suggested it. You were excited to speak your truth and to hear what Zaros had to say. However, at this point of the trials, you were less focused on winning. If anything, this had been teaching you something that extended beyond the throne.
The trial before this was a dance. It was just a way to show off how well you could follow choreography and that you did. Although, that day brought you and Zaros closer to one another. In one of the portions, you didn’t dance with him but rather you brought other people who were watching into the dance and encouraged them to join in. It was truly beautiful. Zaros had even told you how much you’ve matured through the trials.
However, rather than living in the past, you focused on the future. You smiled at the familiar faces of the people you danced with. You waved at people you used to ignore. It seemed you were becoming a new person that even the commoners could see themselves in.
“And now, please welcome The Earis.”
You smiled at the introduction and stepped up. As you looked around, people seemed to be more excited about your appearance. They seemed like they wanted you there because they liked you. Not just because you belong here.
As your speech went on, people would nod, smile, and cheer a little. It was like they already decided. A few times during your speech, you would glance at Zaros and instead of having an unfriendly glare, you would have a spark in your eyes that showed just how happy you truly were.
It was like a scene from a movie as you talked about the things you’d like to improve, change, and keep. You felt like this was the most authentic you’ve vocally been with the people of Serulla. Of course, it couldn’t go on forever. You closed off your speech in a very sweet manner and left it at that.
The people were given a few minutes of intermission to truly think about what you said and to let it sink in before the next speech. You were excited to hear what Zaros had to say.
“And for our next speech,” The next introduction started.
You felt your heart beating. You were nervous but you were also looking forward to this.
“Hello, everyone. As you may know, my name is Zaros Atha’lin and I am competing with the Earis for rulership of Serulla. I have many things I would love to discuss but first, I’d like to draw some attention to you, my Earis.” He turns to you and smiles.
However, it wasn’t the same smile you gave him. It wasn’t full of the same light and hint of love. No, it was dull and cynical.
“I have seen the way you changed over time. I think everyone has seen it and is just as astonished as am I. However, it’s not that simple. My Earis, you still have so much to work on. Your smile cannot erase the years you spent lying about others. Your dancing cannot take back the harsh, cruel words you’ve muttered to people who love you. Your truths do not take away from your many lies.”
You looked around, staggered by the words coming from his mouth. You thought that the two of you had been getting along. You thought there was a genuine friendship rebuilding itself.
“My Earis,” He initiates, “You look at me with endearment in your eyes yet you used to use those same eyes to look down on me. You smile at me with the same mouth you used to call me ‘Leech’. The people of Serulla do not know you. I know you. I know that deep down, you are bitter, savage, brutal, and heartless.”
Tearing up, you take another look around. This time, the audience looks more baffled than they did before. You felt that all this time you spent working on yourself had been for nothing. It didn’t matter how different your views were now. It didn’t matter if you were deemed the new ruler of Serulla because this would always follow you. It didn’t matter how much you’ve grown, you will always be an ungrateful brat.
“You cannot change my mind and I will not let you change the minds of the people. They deserve to know the real you. The real, nasty, selfish, and spiteful you. At the end of the day, you will always be that to me and I will always be a so-called Leech to you.”
You couldn’t take the whispers and the stares as Zaros continued his speech. It was too much to take in. You never would’ve thought he would use this to bash you and humiliate you in front of everyone.
But now, it all made sense. He did suggest this.
“Leech.” You said under your breath before storming out.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
saurrr dont get mad at me for this okayyyy....
THE NEXT THING I WRITE WILL HAVE A VERY GOOD ENDING I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING
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I love your toddler reader Batfam story’s.
I love them so much
I've been meaning to make more Toddler x Batfam but the writers block is killing me, also Thank You( ◜‿◝ )♡. I was starting to wonder if people really liked my stuff.
Holidays with the Waynes-⑅꒱
"Why did the city give us fireworks?" Tim's gaze was trained onto the large box of fireworks placed on the front lawn of the manor.
Everyone was currently stood outside, relishing in the fact that the city was for once a quiet and peaceful place.
Nights like this were rare, especially on Holidays like this one. Everyone was trying to enjoy it to the best of their ability, including you.
You sat next to the large crate, a blue lollipop in one sticky hand while your other was struggling to wrap your tiny fingers around the lighted firecracker they'd given you earlier.
The strength in your arm was quickly waning away and all you could really do was watch as your arm slowly but awkwardly fall to the side, the weight of the firecracker becoming to much for your poor little arms to handle.
Since you were sat directly next to the large crate, the small sparks of fire that flew off the burning base of your cracker came into contact with the stem of the firework. Soon igniting the closest one to you.
Now you definitely didn't know how a firework worked at your age so the sight didn't alarm you at all.
With childlike wonder you watched as the pretty flame slowly burned the fibers of the stem, finding the dancing flame quite interesting at that moment in time.
"Father told us earlier, were you not listening?" Damian asked in an irritated tone of voice.
"Of course I heard him, all I'm saying is that this city doesn't need a bunch of supposedly airheaded celebraties setting off dangerous flaming objects on-" Tim little rant was cut off by an abrupt popping noise, followed by the familiar sound of his baby sibling's soft giggles.
Both their heads snapped to you immediately, in the short time they'd turned their heads away from you you'd somehow managed to light all the fireworks in that crate?? They looked at each other and for once they definitely knew that they were thinking the same thing.
'Who would give a toddler a mini firework?"
In their stupor the final firework in the crate ignited, causing the crate of fireworks to begin setting off right beside you.
The small sparks coming from the stems of the fireworks blazed the grass below, surrounding you in a small field of fire while you sat excited in the middle.
If those fireworks weren't setting off madly behind you in every which way they would have stopped to admire the wide toothless smile you'd had plastered onto your face.
They'd admire the way the fireworks reflected off your irises, the way the blazing flames seemed to fall so perfectly around you, surrounding you in its blazing heat and lastly they would have admired the way you sat so confidently in the blazing heat as if the sight of fire mixed with the atrocious sounds of the ignited fireworks didn't bother you at all.
They would've have admired all of that but instead they were running around like mad men.
The loud commotion summoning everyone in the area.
It didn't seem like their vigilante instincts had kicked in yet, their bodies being to relaxed by calmness from not to long ago to actually step in and help you. Instead they settled for freaking out and yelling at each other, trying to find out which one of them actually gave a toddler a mini firework.
"It seems holidays never do go well at the Wayne manor indeed" Alfred said from afar, a clicking sound resounding in the quiet, empty hallways of the Wayne manor.
This scene before him was much to beautiful for him to pass up the opportunity to photograph. Your beautiful smile was on display, how could he not take a picture?!
Of course he did this with no worry, already knowing that no one would ever allow the dancing flames to come any closer to you.
Let alone harm you.
No you were much to precious to them for them to allow that to happen...
#batman x child! reader#batman x child reader#batfam x reader#batfam x you#batfamily x reader#batfam#batfamily#dc#dc x you#batman#batman x reader#tim drake x you#damian wayne x you
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I swear after this I will do requests... this is just something old for me to put up! I've had a busy past few weeks and I swear I'm fighting to do my requests.
Disclaimer: I haven't played COD, and reality is what I decide (kidding, feel free to educate me on COD)
Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Gn!Reader
Romance Readings
It was a guilty pleasure, and you knew it. Watching your money drain (as if you had any other need for it) as you indulged was saddening, but not saddening enough to make you stop. Other people got into drugs, or smoking, or alcohol, or some other high-inducing thing. Not you, though.
You got into romance novels.
The enjoyment of them started when you were a kid, curled up on a couch with a book splayed across your legs. Romance was, at its core, an idealized concept. Something to be chased but never obtained. And for you, the chasing was in reading about the relationships. You preferred the good - who doesn't? - but a bit of angst never hurt a soul. Certainly not you.
But in the military, you couldn’t exactly tout a romance book around. “The Seven Year Slip” was adorned with a cute and cartoony cover, sure to catch Soap’s eye and invite endless teasing. So, instead, you got clever about it. Price had a plethora of bookshelves in his office, filled to the brim with war books. All nice and shiny hardcovers with removable dust jackets.
All you had to do was slip one of those dust jackets over the cover, and it suddenly seemed like you were the best soldier ever. Everyone was none the wiser, and you got to indulge in what you enjoyed doing: smiling at the fictional couples you wish you were.
When you pulled it out to sit guard over the safehouse, Soap had groaned. Loudly.
“You take this soldier shit too seriously.” He had grumbled, rolling his eyes. You didn’t retort, didn’t bring attention, didn’t care enough.
His (mostly joking) opinion wasn’t important to you. Soap was nice, you loved joking with him, but when it came to this? You can put up with the teasing comments over what they think your reading habits are. God forbid they actually find out what you’re reading.
That’d be a very shit day for you.
“Never seen someone smile so much at a military tactic handbook.”
Your head jerks up, eyes wide, smile vanishing from your face. You knew that gruff voice, although you were far more used to it without the tilt of amusement in it. Ghost.
“...It’s riveting.” You say defensively, knowing Ghost isn’t the type to make a quip and let it go.
“I’m sure. I don’t remember it having characters, though.”
Oh. Oh shit.
You’ve been caught.
“Can’t believe you got away with it for this long.” Ghost huffs, sitting down next to you. “Hand it over.”
Wordlessly, you hold the book out for him. He thumbs through the pages, keeping a finger on the page you were on so you don’t lose your place. After a moment he slips off the fake dust jacket, holding up the real cover: a cheesy image of dandelions being blown away.
“Could be worse.” He notes aloud.
“...there have been worse.” You admit, cheeks flushing red.
He chuckles, going back to the page you were reading. It’s only after a minute has passed that you realize he’s fucking reading it, making you lunge for the book to pull it away.
“Don’t read it!” Carefully, you slide the fake dust cover back onto it to hide the actual book.
“I’m bored out here, and you’re denying me the only entertainment?” Ghost asks, somehow monotone and amused at the same exact time.
You hate him. Next time he’s getting his ass kicked in the field, you won’t help that asshole.
“It’s a romance book.” You spit, actively feeling your cheeks get redder by the second. “Hardly something you’re interested in.”
“I’m interested in not fallin’ asleep. I’m reading it.”
“It’s my book!”
“And I could tell everyone it’s a romance book.”
You stare at him, and he stares back. Ghost is blackmailing you. You’re getting fucking blackmailed over a book. Was it even worth it at this point?
“I’m still trying to read it. And no, you can’t read it aloud.” You try feebly, but your grip on the book is already loosening.
“I’ll read over your shoulder. Move it.”
“Ass.” You grumble, but shift so he can loom over your shoulder ominously. Settling your eyes on your book, you choke on air at the scene you’re on.
It’s definitely not a scene you’d want Ghost reading over your shoulder for, that’s certain. Your headstrong lieutenant, reading a rated-R scene. You’re never going to be able to look him in the eye again, oh God.
“Keep reading, doll.” Ghost says lowly into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “You dug the grave. Lie in it.”
Swallowing, you focus on the book, trying to speed-read through this part. Behind you, you can practically feel Ghost grinning. “What if I wasn’t done reading the page?” He asks.
“Shut the fuck up.”
#cod#call of duty#simon ghost riley#ghost#ghost cod#ghost fanfiction#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley#simon riley x reader#ghost call of duty#ghost x reader#ghost simon riley
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Major Character Dissection: Alastor (Part 2)
(MAJOR SPOILERS)
Three: Alastor’s Way of Coping With His Deal:
Alastor knows that his deal is infallible and there are no loopholes to get around it, but he certainly knows he can bend the rules of his deal and take charge of his own fate. @ohbother2 made a good point about this.
Alastor always presents himself as cool, calm, and collected. It’s all a façade so he can make people believe that he always knows exactly what he’s doing, and make them believe that he’s always in control. This is shown when Alastor treats Husk like his “pet” when he threatens him. He knows he has more control over Husk and he takes full advantage of it. He hates being seen as lesser than the other Overlords. He wants everyone in Hell to know his name, he wants to be known, to be feared, and he doesn’t like when he’s dismissed. During the Overlord meeting where he announces that he’s back “I’m sure you’ve all been wondering” The reaction he had after Carmilla dismisses him just goes to show how much he dislikes not being viewed as the big cool powerful Radio Demon.
With Lucifer too… Why does he instantly have a distaste towards him? Why does he instantly feel like he has to one-up him? Alastor knows Lucifer is more powerful than him, he easily outranks Alastor and that intimidates him. He also knows that realistically he will never be at the same power level as him… so he grabs ahold of something Lucifer can’t; a good relationship with Charlie.
Alastor is so incredibly calculated when it comes to finding others weaknesses, he’s had a lot of time to get used to it. He stings Lucifer where it hurts, and that’s how he gets under his skin. He mentored Charlie when she needed it, and was there for her when Lucifer wasn’t. He even claimed in the song that she could “call him dad.”
Why can’t he accept that he is powerful too? Why does he always have to be the best?
This abuse of power was shown once again in the hallway when Husk confronted him with, “big talk for someone who’s also on a leash.” His anger wasn’t cool, calm, and calculated. He wasn’t thinking, he was acting on a whim and it was shown when his jabs were personal against Husk which led him to also threaten to make him the next voice on the broadcast. There was nothing meticulous or collected about that response.
Everything about that response screamed fear. Alastor was fearful of his deal and fearful of the person he made it with. He wouldn’t have actually killed Husk, because if he wanted to, he would’ve already done so. Husk clearly serves a bigger purpose to Alastor, and Husk clearly knows a lot about Alastor, so I think that threat was genuinely to just shut him up… or to try and remind him that Alastor was powerful too. Alastor would hate if someone thought of him simply as a puppet bound to a leash.
Alastor is stuck at this hotel of redemption where he does not want to be, but where he has to be. He’s forced to follow Lilith's orders, he’s forced to deal with Lucifer who outranks him, so what can he do?
He can get Charlie’s soul.
And he did get Charlie’s soul. All it takes is a smile and some naivety and you’re already halfway there. He now has something to twist against Lucifer and Lilith. He has their daughter. This brings back some of his control. He finally feels powerful again.
Except for the fact that this stupid fucking hotel is growing on him.
He has been shown to protect the hotel, which simply is not part of his deal. He just has to be Lilith’s eyes, her camera. He’s to blame for his own attachment to the place. There is a scene where he admits to Niffty that he had grown accustomed to the place. He also assisted in the Extermination battle, and got Rosie to help with her Cannibals. He didn’t have to do that, but he chose to. He grew connected to the damn place and the damn people. He suffered because of it.
During the battle with Adam, the most daunting thing to him was slinking away and “cowering”. The last thing Alastor would’ve wanted to do at that moment is retreat from the battle. He had no other choice. It was losing, or death. Both of which are two important things to him. He was willing to take the sacrifice of his status over death. Knowing how much Alastor craves control, craves status, that shows you just how terrified he is of death. The wild look in his eyes too? Ugh.
If Lilith’s deal with him is centred around keeping an eye on Charlie, it makes sense why Alastor was absolutely horrified that he nearly died for them. He’s horrified at what the deal is forcing him to do, who it’s forcing him to be. When he originally made the deal there was no harm done, no real threat to him. But now he was sent to keep an eye on Charlie who was pissing off the entirety of Heaven and taking her father with her? Well, Christ. He really fucked up this time!
He had a panic attack in that damn Radio Tower, because he is absolutely fucking terrified. He’s losing control, everything that is happening around him is something he cannot control, and unless he finds a way around his deal, it’s not changing. He was literally pulling the hair out of his head because he couldn't believe what he was doing. It horrified him to no end.
To Summarize:
Alastor is a brilliantly methodically well crafted character. (Anyone who wants to say I’m looking too far into this, Alastor has been around since Viv was in high school so she has had a lot of time to let his personality and backstory cook.) He’s clever, and he’s powerful, but he’s also a little bit of a fool. He made a deal to gain control, and in return, it came back to bite him in the ass after a few decades. He knows he is nothing without his deal, but he also knows that his deal could ruin him.
He’s stuck in the most masterful way possible, and unless he figures out how to twist this all. Maybe use Charlie as his puppet? He’s going to continue to be a slave to his contract.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin charlie#hazbin lucifer#alastor theory#hazbin alastor#alastor#charlie morningstar#hazbin lilith
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Shadow
Amelie saves Rolan from the shadows and then gives him a piece of her mind. SFW.
“Wait, is that Rolan? I thought he had better sense than that.” Gale said with an eyeroll as the group consisting of himself, Amelie, Shadowheart, and Karlach found him surrounded by two shadow-fiends.
Fuck.
What the fuck is wrong with him?
ROLAN, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
It was a smaller battle than the one that just occurred at Last Light, but it still left all but Karlach with almost no spell slots left.
But that was of no consequence to Amelie.
ROLAN!!!
She hurried down the small hill, rushing towards him and Shadowheart. Please let him be okay. Please. Please.
“Gods damn it all. I can do nothing right---not a damn thing.”
“You’re supposed to be at Last Light.” She panted, staring at him like he’s mad because he is. WHAT THE FUCK?!
“I’m supposed to be saving Cal and Lia! Instead, I found myself cornered by shadow-fiends and in need of rescue. From you, of all bloody people.”
Biting back the urge to ask why her “of all bloody people”, she shook her head. “You were trying to help your family---you’re too hard on yourself.”
“Or not enough.”
The acid in his voice made her heart sink a little.
“I’ve failed Cal and Lia, again. Be on your way---I’ll return to Last Light…I know when I’m outmatched.”
Within moments, he was gone.
And Amelie had an urge to return to Last Light to give him a piece of her mind. “Let’s head back and get some more healing potions…then I need a long rest.”
“You and me both.” Gale snarked, stretching his back. “Gods, adventuring is not kind on the back, knees, and hips.”
The women laughed and nicely teased the wizard.
But her mind was preoccupied with another wizard.
***
“You can’t leave me alone, can you?” Rolan spat at Amelie, who after a quick bath and a change of clothes, found him at the bar and sat next to him. The children and most everyone else are in bed, so we’re kind of alone. Alone-ish. “Going to tell me I shouldn’t be drowning my sorrows?”
“I think,” she began carefully as she poured herself some water. “You should stay hydrated after drinking so much alcohol, Rolan.” She then grabbed a second glass and poured him some. “Here you go.”
He slammed the bottle on the counter, startling her. “I don’t need you pitying me. Haven’t you done enough?”
Something inside her snapped.
She turned suddenly and grabbed him by the shoulders to face him towards her. “You listen to me, you arrogant shit. That little stunt you pulled earlier could’ve fucking killed you. We are fucked, Rolan. We are so incredibly fucked, but I need you to stay here and stay safe, because I cannot lose another godsdamned person I lo—” Amelie shut her mouth and felt tears in her eyes. I lost Da. My mentor. One of my best friends. Uncle Ned. This journey has been nothing but death around every corner. Not you too. “I care about. So please, I am begging you, stay here.” She bit back a sob. “Please, Rolan. Please.” Before she knew it, her face was in her hands, her body wracked with sobs.
She did not expect to feel a hand on her head. She also did not expect his other arm to wrap around her thick waist.
“Shh, please don’t cry. I’ll have the bloody water, you damnable woman.” He grumbled, and Amelie could hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll stay, but you must…you must get them back safe and sound, do you understand?”
Nodding, she sniffled as she lifted her head.
She did not expect to see what many would describe as a touching look on his face as he handed her a handkerchief. “Now, dry your tears. A young lady such as yourself shouldn’t be crying over me.”
As she wiped her tears, she stopped for a moment and blinked. “Why?”
The question dumbfounded him. Well and truly. “Why what?”
“Why shouldn’t I cry over you?” She placed the handkerchief on the counter and stared at nothing across the bar. Because you’re wonderful and I like you… “You’ve survived being in the Hells all while keeping Cal and Lia alive and well. You stayed at the Grove, even when you so desperately wanted to leave…all to protect them. Because you stayed, the children are alive. They’re alive, Rolan. Because of you. You even did quite possibly the most stupid thing ever by venturing into the Shadow Curse by yourself because of your love for your siblings.” Turning her head suddenly, she once again faced him, a desperate look on her face. “How could I not cry over a person like that? Of course, I would…and have cried over you.” She offered him a tired smile. “I should go to bed. It’s been a long day, and tomorrow will be even longer.” As Amelie rose from the stool, Rolan also stood, as stiff and awkward as they come. But so adorable. “Goodnight, Rolan.”
He watched her trudge towards the staircase (I was given a room last night at Isobel’s request) and squeezed his eyes shut. “Why is tomorrow going to be long?”
Without looking back at him, she sighed. “Because we’re going to Moonrise Towers tomorrow, and I intend to find and free the prisoners.” She stopped and took a deep breath. “I’ll get them back. I promise.” No matter what. Make sure Shadowheart has Sanctuary prepared.
“I want to believe you,” he said softly. “I need to believe you.”
Amelie, more quickly than he thought considering how tired she was, descended the stairs and hugged him. Yeah, I did it. I needed to do it. And he needed it. So it’s fine. Rolan stood (somehow more awkwardly) but after a minute or two he wrapped his arms around the half-elf. “What does your heart say?” She whispered, holding him gently.
“I-I don’t—”
“Don’t think. What does your heart say, Rolan?”
He finally relaxed and shared in her embrace. “They will be back safe and sound. I trust…I believe in you.”
Never in a thousand years did Rolan expect her lips to briefly touch his cheek before she blushed and went upstairs to her room.
And the next day, some time in the late afternoon, Cal and Lia arrived at Last Light.
After thanking her profusely, his heart leaped at a realization that hit him like the metaphorical ton of bricks as she greeted one of her companions.
He was in love with Lady Amelie Wildheart.
#amelie wildheart#rolan#bg3 rolan#rolan bg3#rolan x tav#pre-relationship#plus size tav#chubby tav#sorcerer tav#half-elf tav#rolan x amelie#she is so tired and wants him to STAY PUT
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spoke to my father over lunch about my future, the field of psychology & neuroscience, advocacy law, etc. and i’m honestly beginning to seriously look into being a professor, most likely of psychology. because what i’ve been grappling with a lot lately is an interest to go into clinical psychology, but also the fact that while doing that may leave me time to pursue research endeavors, i may lack time to actually pursue the ethics of the field of psychology & psychiatry. which as we all know, there are so many ethical problems with how psychology runs currently, the DSM-5 is a disaster, my father (bless him) is going to get me an autobiography about someone who was misdiagnosed six different times under the DSM-4 (iirc?). like there are so many things i want to tackle rather than just sitting there and upholding the system; there’s a lot of good in therapy but ideally i would want to be a therapist who actually seeks to change systemic problems.
i think the ideal future for me, honestly, would be if i could juggle being a therapist, a professor, and a lawyer all at once. whether i can actually do this is unlikely because that requires (1) having the ability to get all those degrees which would cost so much money and (2) having the fucking time to do any of this, while working a job, which would get me that aforementioned money. so i don’t think this is actually plausible, but like.
being a college professor sounds like a good lifestyle i think. be it for political science (which i’m still thinking about in terms of lifelong prospects) or for psychology, i would find that interesting. i am just wondering how i can adapt law into this so i can challenge some ethics constitutionally or within the field of psychology, because i know for certain i can only do one of those two if at all.
i don’t know. i’ve just been thinking about it. we’ll have to see where this all goes.
#nightmare.personal#sound the alarms mare is rambling about her life dreams again#see the lifestyle factor of being a professor is very appealing to me. yes busy with interacting with students researching etc BUT#i would get institutional funding for that research and get to work with students WHICH. is immensely appealing.#also if i am not able to do advocacy in a way that is really lasting for whatever reason#the next best thing is trying to help other people do that. i think.#i'm seventeen so i definitely have time to sort this out. and obviously all this banks on circumstances#but. i don't know. i'm really excited for my future
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YOUR WRITING IS SO PRETTY I COULD EAT IT. YOU CHARACTERIZE THE CHARACTERS SO WELL TOO!!!
thank you so much!! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ happy you think my writing is very pretty!! and also makes me happy you think my characterization was correct.
when writing for characters always take a bit of extra time to ensure they sound good? thinking about having an actual conversation with them for a minute and what they’d do! ♧ personally a big fan of viginettes since that reveals a lot of a character more than mainstory.
Σ('◉⌓◉’) mini (huge) rant within the tags of the way of my process to understand a character!!
#i’ve been trying to work on characterization with trey for example because in the main story he is relatively nice#but within his viginettes he’s a bit more than that like a slightly smug teaser than boy next door.#the characters tend to have complexity rather than one dimension traits people tend to stick by#which isn’t a bad thing but to start writing it could help kick you off but majority of the time your characters do have many emotions to#aspirations- such as vil being mean BUT that coming with subtle charm of care- he does not derive pleasure from purposefully degrading other#he firmly believes he can see the beauty in everyone if they try and he attempts to get others to apply themselves so they can be pretty#he does not go around like ew you’re ugly go away unless you have a negative attitude like leona who purposefully does not put any effort#but sometimes his pursuit for beauty can go out of hand like with epel or neige but his dorm ssr perfectly illustrates he knows what he does#he does not always explain himself with having epel do heavy lifting which only helps epel improve but he would not tell him this directly#there are other characters i can rant about the way i write. such as sebek being a malleus fanboy#but that was not a central part of his personality to warrant every fic just mentioning malleus each sentence#the best way to learn how to write for him would be looking at his viginette or his event story without tsunotarou!! he is quite a wonderful#-ly designed character but gets overlooked due to his ‘louder’ part of his personality. but he genuinely has captivated me as a character#the best examples for eng players would be during harveston- when he was extremely passionate about what he did with a soft side for his#plush!! he’s a big softie. he’s just very confused because his grandfather openly hates humans. he acknowledges marja and complimented her#he’s not hating humans for no reason but because it was taught to him. he’s trying his best to be what he is but you can tell he is not too#prideful that he would refuse to acknowledge marja just for being a human. in fact in his viginette he HELPS humans with their lumber#though that is technically due to him being confident he can do so compared to a human thanks to being a guard for Malleus but he is quite#happy to be complimented!!-. he is a character with more depth: ceremony viginette next#he tells yuu to just let him handle things since he’s stronger which shows he’s also blunt and says things without thinking about others at#times. but people are MISSING out on fics with sebek yuu and tea bonding over tsunotarou because he has no hostility to those who like#tsunotarou. he is happy to teach!! his other viginette think pe??: lilia tricks him into eating steak with yogurt iirc and he does honestly#it’s disgusting but he trusts lilia and 100% believe the old fae. THE POTENTIAL. authors need to use that?? just lilia messing with him or#how he can sometimes be so gullible you can get him to trust you mixed together with how attached he was to squirrel plush#he’s actually such a cute character.#there’s also Kalim who KNOWS there are bad people. he is not innocent as he knows there are bad people that want him gone#his least favorite food is curry because Jamil got sick for a week after taste testing his food.#Kalim just chooses. he wants to believe the kindness of the world not due to purity but due to the fact he does not want to live in constant#fear. which in itself already makes him more than one dimension. he may seem carefree but there’s room to play with when describing him??…#questions of styx.
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fh fandom back to wishing death on a fictional teenager for being mentally ill and not learning how to cope with that in a healthy way. what else is new
#do i think klck is correct? no#do i think a fandom full of grown adults should stop holding this (manipulated) (not sound of mind) teenager to wack standards? ya#like.... some of you are... how do i say this.... ~projecting~#and dont get me wrong this isnt me trying to say shes some kind of innocent misunderstood blorbo 🥺🥺🥺#i think shes a freak and a cunt. but im going to be normal about it and NOT say that she deserves to be killed (????)#pre-overtaking she was clearly aware that her behavior wasn't healthy#the fact she even went to jawbone at all (and was honest with him!) proves that imo#personally i feel like she might be neurodivergent -> struggling with knowing which rules to break and which ones to not#we literally JUST had an episode where the principal of AAA told students to their face that studying and working hard is dumb#i think kipperlilly came to aguefort. couldn't get a grip on what they Actually wanted from her#(parents went to mumple. she couldnt have been prepared for aguefort)#and out of frustration she fixated on people who were doing well and compared herself to them#and the only major surface difference she could find? tragic backstories#it only makes sense that she'd assume that THAT is what was missing. her inability to adapt to AAA was out of her control#so instead of blaming smth abstract (neurodivergence/other mental illness)#this single. concrete. and obvious difference is way easier to latch on to#but yeah. imo she just reads as someone super neurodivergent who received No Help because she 'made do'#and when thrown into a situation that required a skillset she wasn't born with. she shut down and got defensive#noone is born wanting to die yadda yadda#i think it's very interesting that when jawbone turned the question around on her (asking what SHE could do to get better)#she got quiet and awkward#its almost like she was trying her best? and just couldn't figure out where to go next?#and OH would you look at that. jace offering her a trip to the mountains of chaos. for a ~super dangerous adventure~#🙄#anyway.#awfully convenient. isn't it.#this has been me. having takes on ms goldendoodle shibainu#goodnight everyone (its noon)#not tagging this out of fear of the *** stans out there who will not stop taking things personally
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My rants
#here are partly because i feel like i have no one to talk about this in real life#i feel like no one ever notices i struggle too with stuff like that which i don't hold against anyone#today a friend at uni said about me when we talked about the next upcoming presentation#...and i was telling my presentation partners about how i won’t have much time this weekend and i'm sorry for it...#so she was like: don't worry flora 'will manage' (not exactly this - it's an austrian term) she is awesome - with uni stuff she meant#which is sweet but no pressure 😅 and i don't feel like that at all at least not rn 😶🌫️#it's like no one gets it that it's also tough and what is behind it#i feel like i have to hold up the image other people have of me as a smart person who doesn't need to try or never has stress and problems#i don't even think i'm smart idk just lucky or has good strategies maybe i have some talent#but i don't see myself that way#and i always ask my friends and just people how they are doing in general and with uni but hardly anyone asks me that#everyone always assumes i'm doing great i guess maybe because yeah i come off as a very happy go lucky person#and i do smile a lot make jokes and try to be positive and not take life too seriously which is a good thing#but i'm not like that all the time yeah i guess i pretend i'm happy sometimes but it's not always pretending either#it often just also helps me making others feel better but also when you have a bad day making the best of it helps#additionally i don't like people worrying about me either but there's a difference between that and being seen#i would like to have someone to talk to about stuff like that sometimes it often feels lonely#sometimes it's my best friend ... but i don't see her often enough to do that#i could not blame anyone for that it's understable i guess#for example when i do try to bring it up that it's a lot with so much stuff going on or that i had no sleep and feel really worried#they're like 'don't worry you'll do great like always' or even 'it will be easy for you'#and i can't talk to my parents either as they would be worried then and doubt me even more despite doing well overall#so it often feels like i have to keep these thoughts to myself#writing it down here is kind of therapeutic :))
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Lucifer Morningstar X Fallen Exorcist Reader
Ever since his split from Lilith Lucifer has been a reck feeling like no one can love him, need him, or understand him again
You have been an exorcist for a couple of thousand years now being one of the best exorcists Heaven could ever ask for
But deep down you always felt bad for those you had killed feeling like yes Hell is for those who have done wrong but what about those who did the wrong things for the right reasons
So on the next extermination day you tried to run away from it all but when Adam found out he took it upon himself to kill you
You were able to get away before Adam could finish you off but nothing could prepare you for meeting Lucifer himself
For some reason Lucifer took you in and helped you out and yes you did come out to him about you being a “fallen angel” and your ideals on heaven, earth, and hell
Lucifer just sat there and listened and for the first time since Lilith someone understood him
Now at first you two became roommates in a way, mostly helping him out with his work, giving him duck ideas, being his bodyguard and secretary, and you did try to push him into talking to Charlie more but you understood on why he couldn’t do it himself
You did face palm as when he called her all he did was tell her to have that meeting with Adam, at least it’s a start
Charlie dose know of you but saw you more as her fathers secretary or his best friend, like an aunt, she is happy how you think there is a way to get sinners in to heaven and how you told her if she ever needs help or to talk to someone you are just quick call
Lilith dose know of you and you may have never seen her face to face she is happy someone is keeping her ex happy
Now if you ever get together it would be the best for the both of you cause I’m sure you would want to confess first but with the thoughts of you killing his people and Lilith, it just made you hesitant but with a simple duck jester (making a duck quack an “I love you”) Lucifer confessed his feelings to you
Charlie I think would be happy for her dad to have found someone and yes at first she did see you as her aunt but she is happy to call you her step parent sand she isn’t afraid of telling everyone that either
That’s one of the major reason on why Lucifer likes you, his daughter loves you like a parental figure
This Lucifer is just a sad boy so if you just sit there and cuddle him he would love you forever and if add words of praise he is just melting
Definitely will vent to you cause he is that comfortable around you and he is happy that you feel the same way when you vent
You always support his duck creations and yes late nights would consist of you two role playing with the ducks, when you two started dating he made three duck versions of you, him, and Charlie all matching clothes sitting next to each other, this man had a whole collection of duck versions of you and he was embarrassed when you found out but you called it cute
When extermination day hits he could see how tense you get and when you told him on what happened before he found you he couldn’t help but hate Adam more and so every Extermination day Lucifer would hold your hand and comfort you may even play a little music and it just grew more loving when you two started dating
You do help out with Lu Lu World as it’s one of Lucifer’s passion projects and no one could believe how upset you were when Mammon created Loo Loo land, you almost put your exterminator skills to use but Lucifer stopped you and let Mammon have his way cause he didn’t want to argue with Mammon so you just had to let it go
You both do play music together as when you were both angels all you did was play music, duets and you can’t tell me you, Lucifer, and Charlie didn’t sing together once
You remember seeing Lucifer’s wings for the first time and how amazed you were as you kept complementing him and that just made his face all red and what made you stop was when he commented o how your wings could have been more pretty then his, you just smile at him
Now here you two have more of a bodyguard/ secretary and famous person kind of relationship even though he may not need it he likes keeping you around and that just help made his feelings grow for you
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel headcanon#hazbin hotel imagines#hazbin hotel imagine#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel episode 5#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel Lucifer Morningstar#hazbin hotel x female reader#hazbin hotel x fem reader#hazbin hotel Lucifer x reader#lucifer magne#lucifer x reader#exterminator reader#helluva boss#helluva boss x reader#hazbin hotel Lucifer Morningstar x reader#fallen exorcist au#female reader
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chicken shop date | ln
the one where your boyfriend gets invited to the chicken shop date and you’re not really happy about it.
lando norris x gender-neutral!reader
word count: ~1.1k
warnings: just reader being a tiny bit jealous and insecure & fluff at the end
note: based on this request. took me a little longer than it should had but i wanted to watch the interview before to know how to approach it, but hope you enjoy it!
"i'm just not really fond of the idea!" you huffed, sinking further into your boyfriend's couch, dramatically crossing your arms under your chest with pouty lips.
your reaction got a laugh out of lando and he let his body plop down next to you, looking over at your saddened expression with a soft smile on his lips.
"baby, come on. i'm gonna be late," he cooed, his fingers trying to reach for your chin to get you to look at him so he could give you a kiss goodbye, but you easily managed to turn your face in the opposite direction before his lips could touch yours.
this gesture got a sigh out of lando, making him drop his hand to your lap in defeat.
"it's gonna be alright," he said, his voice still sweet as he tried te reassure you, knowing that under your over dramatic reaction lied the anxiety of him getting even more popular.
just the previous evening, his team had informed him that he was scheduled for a new interview in the morning. when he finished telling you all about it after hanging up the phone, your eyebrows were furrowed and the pout you made hadn't left your face since that very moment.
the chicken shop date.
you usually watched the show, so you knew how big of an audience it had. it wasn't the fake dating part that worried you, but the huge amount of fans it would get him.
it was a little stupid, you knew, considering that he was one of the most popular faces of the sport. but you couldn't help the little insecurities that surfaced from time to time, thinking that he could find someone to replace you at any given minute.
lando's hand squeezed yours softly, making you get out of your mind and look back at him. he knew what you were thinking, so he gave you a reassuring smile before bringing your hand up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your knuckles. so you gave in.
"just don't be funny. or nice," you said, trying your best to forget about your worries and trust that nothing would change. "don't be cute, either."
"i can do that," lando chuckled, and with your hand still in his, he leaned closer to you to finally peck your lips.
"good, cause i don't want to share my boyfriend with any more people," you added, making him smile as he pulled away and got up from his spot next to you.
he found your overprotectiveness rather cute sometimes, and every single time he tried to comfort you, reminding you that you were the only one he wanted.
with your little act over, you looked up at his figure in front of you as he gathered his things before leaving the house. he looked extra good; you had noticed how the color of his hoodie was bringing out the blue of his eyes a few minutes earlier and how his curls were still a little damp from his shower, one of them perfectly falling over his forehead.
he turned to look at you one last time, leaning to kiss your forehead and whisper an "i love you" before he left the apartment in a rush, your little tantrum surely making him arrive a good couple of minutes late.
୨୧
lando had asked you to join him in australia so you could spend a few days exploring the city before he had to go back to work. and naturally, you had accepted.
as any other day, you woke up in his arms, limbs tangled under the bedsheets and your cheek softly pressed against his bare chest.
you lazily turned around, trying not to wake him up, to reach for your phone to check the time. that was your intention, but as you saw your phone blowing up with notifications, you remembered.
the episode had come out only a few hours earlier.
not wanting to spoil yourself scrolling on social media, you quickly opened youtube and looked it up, feeling a little uneasy once again. you weren't sure what you could expect, lando hadn't said much about it when he returned home that day.
you couldn't help the smile that creeped up to your lips the second he appeared on your screen, his soft spoken voice warming your heart and making you snuggle closer to him, your back against his chest now.
you felt the grip around your waist getting a little tighter, his knees tucking behind yours.
"are you serious?" his voice was hoarse, his breath on your skin as he hid his face on your neck.
"you didn't think i wouldn't watch, did you?" you giggled when he pulled you closer to him, only getting a soft groan from his lips as an answer.
he didn't say anything else, just kept pressing soft kissis to your skin as you finished watching the interview, your smile growing wider at his shyness.
once you were done, you put your phone down and turned around to face him again. your eyes met his under the soft morning light, the corners of your lips moving upwards at the beautiful sight in front of you.
"it wasn't that bad now, was it?" he whispered, clearly referring to your tantrum the day of the filming.
"it was fun," you admitted, running your fingers through his curls slowly.
he hummed, letting his eyelids flutter close once again at your touch.
"i'm still not happy about sharing my boyfriend with new people," you playfully added after a few seconds, the little pout on your lips, but lando was quick to kiss it away. "and i could've asked you those questions myself," you sassed, making him roll his eyes with a chuckle at your words.
"maybe you should go on a date with me if you want to ask me those questions so bad," he said, trying to nuzzle his face on your neck again to hide his smirk.
"smooth," you giggled, wrapping one of your legs around his body and pulling him a little closer to yours. "i'd love to go on a date with you, baby."
he smiled at your murmured answer, kissing your jaw before mumbling himself, "tomorrow night then?"
with a slight nod of your head, you hummed and let your eyes shut close to enjoy a couple more minutes in bed with your boyfriend before the alarm went off.
#lando norris#lando norris fluff#lando norris smut#lando norris blurb#lando norris drabble#lando norris fanfic#lando norris imagine#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#ln4#ln4 x reader#ln4 imagine#ln4 fic
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❦ CAN’T GIVE IT TO ME
“your best friend has always been the person you turn to when times are tough. so when your shitty husband refuses to give you a baby, what else are you supposed to do?”
cw: infidelity, unprotected sex, cream pie, breeding kink, pussy eating, squirting
KINKTOBER MASTERLIST
It was never a surprise when you made a stupid decision.
Sometimes, people thought you were purposely being an airhead, not paying attention, or being reckless in your life because Satoru was always there to fix things for you. It didn't stop him from letting you know his thoughts on your actions, but he was always there when you called.
When you married your husband, Satoru told you he didn't like him. Didn't think you married for a good reason, either.
Did you love your husband? Maybe. Maybe not. But you liked the freedom he gave you—credit cards and a house to yourself most days—while he was constantly away on business trips. You could spend your days spoiling your girlfriends on a shopping spree and your nights in expensive clubs.
You don't know when you began feeling lonely and bored, though. But one day, you started noticing mothers with their kids. playing in the park, shopping at the grocery store, and taking photos on vacation, and you began to think that maybe you wanted something else in life besides waking up hungover to an empty bed.
So when your husband got home that evening, tired and immediately pouring himself a drink, you proposed the idea. The look he gave you said it all, but he still told you no. He was a busy man; he didn't have time for a family, and you should know that.
It's not like he ever fucked you anyway; for most of your marriage, your orgasms and libido were taken care of by vibrators, dildos, and your best friend.
Which is why when your husband left the next day, you called over Satoru.
He never had to try to look good, showing up with a plain shirt, sweatpants, and those signature glasses. You, on the other hand, changed three times before he arrived, not being able to decide which outfit was going to help you get what you wanted. The formal dress was too much for daytime, the skirt was a bit too juvenile, and eventually you just decided on shorts and a tank top, loungewear that to anyone else would look like you were just having a day in, but the way the short fabric loosely covered your ass told a different story.
Satoru accepted the glass of red wine you offered when he walked in the door and took a seat at the kitchen table, spreading his legs casually as he took a sip.
"I want a baby." You told him straight up.
Satoru smiled as he looked at you over his glasses and said, "Nice. Congrats."
"With you," you clarified. He raised an eyebrow.
"Seems like something you should ask your husband," he said, nimble fingers playing with the neck of his wine. "I'm just here for the drinks."
You pouted, taking a seat in the chair beside him.
"Please, 'Toru?" you asked.
His eyes drifted down to your fingers as they trailed lightly over his thigh, knowing exactly what you were trying to do.
"And why would I help you?" He smiled lazily.
You got up and straddled his lap, setting down his glass of wine in favour of moving his arms around your body.
"You've helped me before." You whisper, and he nods casually, as if that was a good point.
You couldn't count the number of times Satoru let you use his fingers or sit on his face when you were needy. Or how many times you repaid him with your lips around his dick or riding his thigh. But no matter how many times he made you cum, he never gave in to your pleas to stretch your pussy on his thick cock. He refused to, as long as you were married. Was it right? Probably not, but Satoru had his rules.
And you've never minded the mind-numbing pleasure he would give you with his hands and mouth until now. Because now, what you wanted required something else of his that was previously off limits.
"I've helped you a lot of times, sweetheart." He sighed in defeat. "And you always ask for more."
You were confused, not understanding the meaning of his words until his fingers slid between your legs. With a soft gasp, you instinctively start grinding yourself onto his palm, forgetting what he was saying.
"I'm at your beck and call when you need my fingers or tongue," he said, letting you continue your ministrations. "And now you're asking me to fill your cunt and expect me to be okay with our kid calling your husband 'dad'?"
With a harsh press to your clit, you freeze, and a small whine escapes from your lips.
"You think that's fair, sweetheart?" He asked, eyeing you with contempt.
But instead of answering, you try to move your hips against his hand again for friction, only to get a harsh pinch to your thigh.
You yelped, but answered him. "No, it's not."
He seemed happy with your response and said, "What's in it for me?"
You furrowed your brows. In all the years you've known Satoru, he had never asked for anything in return; he always gives, gives, gives. There honestly wasn't any answer you could come up with. But when his long fingers started circling your heat again, making you melt, you asked.
"What do you want, 'Toru?"
He grinned at how easy you were and let you rest your head on his shoulder in response to his fingers. "Say you'll leave your husband, and I'll fill you up as much as you want."
You whined in response, but with your body rocking against his, breathing in his cologne, and hearing his husky voice in your ears, it didn't seem like a bad idea. So you nodded, light gasps dusting over his neck as you breathed out, "Okay."
Satoru's strong hands then left your pussy, but you didn't have a chance to complain when he grabbed the back of your thighs and stood up. When your head leaned back to look at him, you saw a dangerous look in his eyes.
"Good girl." His voice was low as he said, "Let's make you a mommy."
With that, he dropped you onto the table, the wine glasses shaking beside you as a result. Satoru dropped to his knees between your spread legs and reached for your shorts. Already wet with your slick, they stuck to your heat slightly as he slid them off, and you hissed at the feeling of the cool kitchen air against your pussy.
His breath grazed your thigh as he licked a harsh strip up your slit. Your body trembled as his tongue traced its way up, sending shivers of anticipation through your entire being. The dangerous look in his eyes intensified, fueling your desire for him. You couldn't help but arch your back, offering yourself fully to his skilled touch. As his tongue continued its tantalizing journey, your moans grew louder, matching the rhythm of his movements. The intensity of him led you to grasp at his soft silver hair in an attempt to ground yourself, but he smacked your hand away.
"You're gonna feel everything I give you." His sunglasses were discarded, so you saw every emotion in his darkened eyes. "And you're gonna take it."
After you nodded quickly, Satoru wrapped his arms around your thighs, locking your cunt against his tongue as he devoured you. His careful mouth probed every inch of your sensitive folds, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body. The way he smoothly flicked and sucked on your clit had you on the edge of ecstasy, unable to control the moans that escaped your lips. As his tongue delved deeper, you surrendered completely to the overwhelming sensations, losing yourself in the intoxicating bliss he was giving you.
In an attempt to warn him, you could only stutter out an, "g-g'nna."
But Satoru seemed to understand as his lips attached themselves to your bud, and one of his arms freed your legs so he could thrust his fingers inside your sloppy cunt. The combination of his skilled tongue and the added penetration sent waves of pleasure coursing through your body. Each thrust of his fingers matched the rhythm of his tongue, intensifying the pleasure and pushing you closer to the edge. As you reached the peak of ecstasy, your body convulsed uncontrollably, overwhelmed by the mind-blowing sensations he was delivering. You briefly understood your legs spamming as you painted Satoru's mouth with your cum.
It took a moment for you to calm down, your eyes opening to look at the ceiling as you realized your back was on the table. Unable to remember when you had laid down, let alone move your body on your own, Satoru pulled you to stand on your jelly legs.
His eyes held your gaze as he wiped his face and licked his lips clear of your cum. Before you could say anything, he gripped your hips, his wet hands sending shivers up your hot skin as he turned you around and pushed your stomach onto the table.
You looked over your shoulder at your best friend; his head was tilted back, eyes closed as he hissed in pleasure, the hand covered in your slick stroking his hard cock. The reminder of the fact that his dick was finally going to be inside you made you whine and wiggle your hips to gain his attention again.
Satoru looked down at you with a smile.
"Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm right here." He lined himself up with your hole. "I'll fuck a baby into you," he whispered before slowly pushing himself inside you.
The sensation of him filling you up sent waves of pleasure coursing through your body, making you moan and bend your back in response.
"T-'Toru..." You drawled, unable to think of anything else, as he stretched you open.
"That's it, baby, remember who's gonna breed this cunt for you." He hissed.
Your mind became consumed with the overwhelming pleasure as Satoru continued to thrust deeper into you. Every movement he made intensified the sensations, leaving you completely lost in the moment. The sounds of his grunts harmonizing with skin slapping against skin filled the room, adding to the urgency of the experience.
Your eyes locked on one of the wine glasses beside you. The table rocking with Satoru's harsh thrusts caused the silverware to fall over, staining the beautiful tablecloth beneath your face. You don't know why, but the physical reminder of how hard Satoru was going inside you made you moan. The combination of the sensory overload and the unexpected disruption heightened the raw passion between you and Satoru. As your moans echoed in the room, you realized that every element of this encounter was pushing you both towards an adrenaline-filled climax.
"Sa-Satoru—please!" You babbled incoherently as he slapped against you, his fingers digging into the fat of your hips.
"Fuck!" He groaned. "You're gonna look so hot pregnant with my baby."
Your pleas only fueled Satoru's desire, intensifying his thrusts as he whispered dirty promises about knocking you up in your ear. The intense connection between you both grew, driving you closer to the edge of ecstasy. With each moment, it became clear that this intimate encounter would forever be etched in not only your memory but also your life. And it turned you on so much more.
"You gonna great your husband today with your pussy filled with my cum?" You whined at his dirty talk. "S'it gonna drip down your legs when you tell him it's over?"
You don't know why, but the reminder of the fact that Satoru wasn't your husband was what did it for you. You came to the realization that it wasn't your husband fucking a baby into you, but your best friend. This forbidden affair intensified the pleasure and excitement coursing through your veins, causing you to clench impossibly tighter around Satoru's cock.
He groaned loudly at that, folding his body over yours as he reached his own orgasm.
"You're all mine now, sweetheart." He whispered into your ear as his cum shot into your cunt, filling you up better than you could've hoped for. The intensity of the moment left you breathless as you lay there, sweat clinging to your forehead as the scent of wine and sex filled your senses. You whimpered pathetically when Satoru slipped out of you and crouched down to watch the globs of his cum drip out of your pussy with each clench around nothing. Your trembling legs couldn't stop him when he scooped up the slick and pushed it back into you with a dissatisfied hum.
"Don't think it stuck, sweetheart." He sighed. "Might need to fill you again."
#kleftiko’s kinktober#jjk x reader#jjk smut#gojo x reader#gojo smut#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru smut#jjk x you#jjk imagines#jjk gojo#jjk x y/n#gojo x y/n#gojou satoru x reader
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most writing advice is good as long as you know why it is good, at which point it is also bad. the hardest thing (and most precious thing) about being an artist is that you gotta learn how to take critique. i don't mean "just shut up and accept that people hate your work," i mean you need to learn what the critique is saying and then figure out if it actually helps.
i usually tell people reading my work: "i'm collecting data, so everything is useful." i ask them where they put the book down, even though it's too long for most people to read in 1 sitting. i ask them what they thought of certain characters. i let them tell me it was really good but i like it more when they look a little stunned and say i forgot i was reading your book, which means they forgot i exist, which is very good news.
sometimes people i didn't ask will read my work and tell me i don't like it. and that is okay, you don't have to like it. but i look at the thing that they don't like and try to figure out if i care. i don't like that you don't capitalize. this one is common, and i have already thought about it. i do not care, it's because of chronic pain and frankly i like the little shape of small letters. you use teeth and ribs in all your work. actually that is very true. i don't know what's up with that. next time i will work to figure out a different word, thank you. you're whiny, go outside. someone said that to me recently and it made me laugh. i am on the whine-about-it website as an internet poet. you are in my native habitat, watching me perform a natural enrichment behavior. but i like the dip of whiny, how the word itself does "whine" (up/down, the sound out your nose on the y), but i don't know if i want to feel whiny. maybe next time i will work on it being melancholy, like what you would call a male writer's poetry.
repeated "good" advice clangs in a bell and doesn't hold a real shape, dilutes in the water. like sometimes you will hear "don't use said." you turn that around in your head and it bounces off the edges of your brain like it is a dvd screensaver. it isn't bad advice, but it feels wrong somehow, like saying easy choices are illegal! sometimes i will only use "said." sometimes i will just kick dialogue tags out to the trash. sometimes i make little love poems where the fact that i do not say "said" is very bad, and makes you feel bad in your body, because someone didn't say something. i am a contrary little shitbird, i guess.
but it is also good advice, actually. it is trying to say that "said" sometimes is clutter. it makes new writers think about the very-small words and very-small choices, because actually your work matters and wordchoice matters. "i know," you said. "i know," you sighed. "i know." we both know but neither of us use a dialogue tag, because we are in a contemporary lit piece.
it is too-small to say don't use said. but it is a big command, so it gets your attention. what are you relying on? what easy choices do you make? when you edit, do you choose the same thing? can you make a different choice? sometimes we need the blankness of said, how it slides into the background. sometimes we don't.
i usually say best advice is to read, but i also mean read books you don't like, because that will make you angry enough to write your own book. i also mean read good books, which will break your heart and remind you that you are a very small person and your voice is a seashell. i also mean you need to eat books because reading a book is a writer's version of studying.
my creative writing teacher in the 7th grade had a big red list of no! words and on it was SUNSET. RAZORS. LOVE. GALAXY. DEATH. BLOOD. PAIN. I liked that razor and love were tucked next to each other like birds, and found it funny that he believed we were too young to know the weight of razor in the context of pain. i hated him and his Grateful Dead belt, where the colored teddy bears held up his appraisal of us. i hated his no list. it is very good/bad advice. i wasn't old enough yet to know that when you are writing about death you are also writing about sunsets and when you write about love you are tucking yourself into a napkin that never stops folding.
back then my poetry was all bloody, dripped with agony when you picked it up. i didn't know there is nothing beautiful about a razor, nothing exciting about pain. i just understood sharpness, which he took to mean i understood nothing. i wrote the razor down and it wasn't easy, but it was necessary. that's what i'm saying - sometimes it's good advice, because it's not always necessary. and sometimes it is very bad advice, because writing about it is lifesaving.
hang on my dog was just having a nightmare. i heard that it is a rule not to write about dogs - in my creative writing mfa, my teacher rolled her eyes and said everyone writes a dead dog. the literature streets are littered in canine bodies. i watched the rise and fall of his ribs (there is that word again) and had to reach out and stop the bad dream. when he woke up he didn't recognize me, and he was afraid.
it is good/bad advice to say that poems and writing have to mean something. it is bad/good advice to say they're big feelings in small packages. it is better advice to say that when my dog saw where he was, he relaxed immediately, rubbed his face against me. someone on instagram would make fun of that moment by writing their "internet poetry" as a sentence that tumbles across a white page:
outside it is sunset and
my dog is still in a gutter, bleeding a galaxy
out of his left paw.
or maybe it would be: i woke the dog up/the dog forgot i loved him/and i saw the shape of a senseless/and impossible pain.
the dog is alive in this one, and he is happy. when i tell you i love you, i know what i said. write what you need to write, be gentle to yourself about it. the advice is only as good as far as it helps. the rest is just fencing. take stock of the boundaries, and then break them. there's always somewhere else you could be growing.
i love you, keep going.
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Questions To Ask Yourself If You Want To Become The Best Version of Yourself
What do I really care about? What things are really important to me?
What am I good at, and where do I need help? What am I strong in, and what could I get better at?
What do I want to achieve soon and later? What things do I want to do soon, and what are my bigger, long-term goals?
Am I trying new things and not just staying comfy? Am I doing things that might be a bit scary but good for me?
How do I deal with problems and when things go wrong? What do I do when stuff doesn't work out?
Am I nice to myself when things don't go well? Do I treat myself kindly, especially when things are tough?
How do I use my time, and what's most important? How do I plan my day, and what things matter the most?
Am I learning new stuff regularly? Do I keep finding out new things?
Do I have a good balance between work and fun? Do I make sure to have enough time for work and for things I enjoy?
Do I have good friendships and avoid bad ones? Am I friends with people who make me feel good?
Do I take care of my body? Am I eating well, exercising, and sleeping enough?
Do I think about my feelings and thoughts? Do I pay attention to how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking?
How do I deal with stress and make myself calm? What do I do when I'm stressed out?
Do I help others and make the world better? Do I do things to make people's lives nicer?
Do I have good habits and get rid of bad ones? Are there things I do every day that are good for me? Are there things I should stop doing?
Do I learn from what people say about me? When people give me advice, do I listen and try to get better?
Do I say no when I need to? Do I tell people when I need space or when something isn't okay for me?
What makes me really happy? What do I like to do that makes me feel great?
Do I use money wisely? Am I good at saving and spending money in smart ways?
Do I believe I can improve and get better? When things are tough, do I think I can get through them and learn something?Am I being kind to others and making them feel good? Do I treat people nicely and make them happy?
Do I learn from things I do wrong? When I make a mistake, do I figure out how to do better next time?
Do I try new things, even if they scare me a little? Do I give things a shot, even if they seem a bit scary?
Am I spending time with people who care about me? Do I hang out with folks who like me for who I am?
Do I eat healthy foods and move my body? Am I eating good stuff and getting some exercise?
Am I sharing and helping others when I can? Do I give stuff to others and lend a hand when I'm able to?
Am I paying attention when people talk to me? Do I really listen when others are speaking to me?
Do I take breaks and do things I enjoy? Do I give myself time to rest and do things I like?
Do I say sorry and make up if I hurt someone? When I make someone feel bad, do I apologize and try to make things better?
Do I imagine good things for myself in the future? Do I think about cool stuff I want to do?
Do I stop and relax when I'm feeling stressed? When I'm worried, do I take a moment to calm down?
Do I ask for help when I need it? Do I tell someone when I can't do something on my own?
Do I try my best, even when things are tricky? Even if it's hard, do I give it my all?
Do I pick up after myself and keep things tidy? Am I good at cleaning up and keeping things in order?
Do I use my time for things that matter most? Do I do important stuff before other things?
Do I think about good things that happened today? Do I remember all the nice things that occurred?
Am I okay with making mistakes and learning from them? Do I know it's okay to mess up sometimes and learn from it?
Do I show appreciation for the people around me? Do I let others know I'm thankful for them?
Do I take deep breaths and relax when I'm upset? When I'm mad, do I breathe and try to calm down?
Do I believe I can do better and keep growing? Do I think I can get better at things and keep getting smarter?
Am I happy with who I am right now? Do I like myself just as I am?
Do I feel okay when things don't go as planned? When stuff doesn't work out, do I stay calm?
Do I think about good things about myself? Do I focus on the nice parts of me?
Do I let go of things that make me sad? When something makes me upset, can I move on from it?
Do I notice when I'm feeling worried or scared? Am I aware of when I'm feeling nervous or frightened?
Do I believe I can do things even if they're tough? Can I do hard things if I try?
Do I try to make my mind peaceful? Do I relax my thoughts when they're racing?
Do I find things that make me feel relaxed? What can I do to feel calm and at ease?
Am I patient when things take time? Can I wait without getting upset?
Do I talk kindly to myself in my head? Do I say nice things to myself in my mind?
Am I curious about things and want to learn? Do I like to find out new stuff?
Do I think about good times and happy memories? Do I remember fun things that happened before?
Do I try to understand how others feel? Can I tell what others are feeling?
Do I imagine nice things happening in the future? Can I think about good stuff that might come?
Do I take time to rest and be by myself? Do I give myself breaks and quiet time?
Do I let go of things I can't change? Can I forget about things I can't do anything about?
Do I believe I can do things even if I don't know how yet? Do I think I can learn new things?
Do I tell myself I'm doing a good job? Do I give myself a pat on the back?
Do I stay calm even if things are really busy? Can I be relaxed even when things are crazy?
Do I know that I can make mistakes and it's okay? Do I understand that everyone messes up sometimes?
#personal improvement#personal growth#personal development#self worth#selfhelp#self improvement#self love#self care#journal#level up journey#positive mindset#success mindset#high value mindset#self help#self esteem#self growth#motivationalquotes#motivating quotes
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