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schrijverr · 1 year

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Life Is Ours, We Live It Our Way 6

Chapter 6 out of 18

Genderqueer Stevie with platonic soulmates Robin and Eddie living their best queer life.

In this chapter, after celebrating Halloween, the horror movies creep into Stevie’s nightmares. When they get too much he drives to Eddie’s house in a panic. She snaps about her name and comes out, Eddie and Robin accepting him. Meanwhile, the kids have figured out the fake dating and Will, who found support in Stevie feels betrayed. It all comes to a head at their weekly DnD game.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: Nightmare, panic attack, the misgendering that comes of not being out, unintentional biphobia, unintentionally nearly getting outed

~~~~~~~~~

Halloween

Halloween falls on a Friday, which means they are celebrating instead of playing DnD. Everyone in Hawkins is gathering at the Byers house to eat too much candy and watch scary movies.

They have agreed to dress up, because the kids love it and they’re all sad that they’re getting too old to go trick or treating. The only one who still can is Erica, but she thinks herself too cool for it, so she isn’t going.

Stevie isn’t going to do anything drastic, but it’s a good excuse to ask Robin to do his makeup and he’s not going to let that pass.

The three of them have told the kids they’re going as characters from The Breakfast Club, but what they haven’t told them is that they’re going as the opposite of who they stereotypically are. Robin is going as Clair Standish the princess, Eddie is going as Andrew Clarke the jock, while Stevie scored himself John Bender the criminal. A part of him wanted to go as Allison Reynolds the freak, but that would require too much conversation.

Still, Robin managed to get her hands on some of Nancy’s clothes and thrifted some, while Stevie raided Eddie’s closet and Eddie hers. And indeed, Robin did his eyeliner, which feels very nice and validating even if no one knows.

All in all, she’d say that they look pretty good.

When they turn up, they’re greeted by Hopper, which isn’t unusual since he has moved in with Joyce as had been a long time coming. He’s in his uniform, not very creative, however, it is very Hopper.

Then Joyce greets them, dressed in a striped prisoner costume and Hopper’s ‘costume’ makes a little more sense. She waves them in with a big grin, laughing at the costume choices.

The costumes are also a hit by the kids, who all laugh at Eddie in something other than his usual attire with Dustin exclaiming that he can’t believe Eddie would betray the nerds like that. Stevie also gets attention, with Erica noting how he basically switched styles with Eddie, which isn’t really incorrect. Max comments on Robin: “I still can only see very shittily, but even to me that’s just wrong.”

It’s a fun night even if the kids get way too hyper on sugar and practically bounce around.

At some point, Stevie needs to get away from the movies for a bit. He has already seen this one and she needs to rest her eyes to prevent a headache. So, he does the dishes, finding peace in the repetitive motions.

In a similar manner to last week, Will comes up next to him and grabs a towel to dry. Stevie knows that Will wants to talk about it again, but he leaves the pace up to the kid. She of all people understands needing to take some time.

“I- I’m gay,” Will says softly after a few minutes.

“Thank you for trusting me with that. I’m so proud of you,” Stevie smiles, stopping with washing the dishes to hug the baby Byers.

Will melts into her arms and she sways them gently. After a second, Stevie says: “That isn’t an easy thing to say, but I’m glad you told me. If you ever need anything, you can come to me, alright. And if you ever do want to tell people, I’ve got your back.”

As a reply, Will clutches closer and takes a shudder-y breath. Then he softly admits: “I want to tell my mom, but I don’t know what she’ll say.”

A stab of pain goes through Stevie’s heart at the words. Joyce is the best woman, the best mother, he knows. If he had a mom like her, he’d likely anguish about it too. And the worst part is that Stevie also doesn’t know what Joyce Byers thinks of queer people. The not knowing makes it so much worse that she’s so nice, because it will only hurt more if she’s terrible about it.

“That is very scary,” Stevie agrees, searching for words to make it better, but being a bit at a loss, since his only similar experience was with the kids. “Do you want my advice?”

“Yes, please,” Will says, not letting go.

Stevie dries her hands, so she can hold Will better as she says: “I think it’s good to put a feeler out first. Mention a queer celebrity, like Bowie, Boy George or Elton John, see how she feels about them. Make sure it can’t become personal. You want to be able deny it. And I know that sucks and I have faith that your mom will be so nice about it, but we’ve got to be safe.”

“I hate this,” Will mutters.

“God, me too,” Stevie sighs. “It’s the worst part about the whole thing, but trust me. You won’t be alone. We stick together. I’m looking out for you now. If you need support or help or just a listening but non-judgmental ear, I’m here for you.” He echoes Madame Tucker, his example in how to deal with all of this.

She can feel her shirt becoming a bit wet where Will is resting his head, but she doesn’t mention it and just holds him close.

“You’re the best. Thank you so much, Steve,” Will says fiercely.

Stevie just smiles and ignores the name – he’s used to that now. He replies: “It’s not a problem, Will, I promise.”

They stand there a little longer, before Will lets go. He wipes his eyes, but doesn’t acknowledge it, so they wordlessly go back to doing the dishes.

By the time, they’re done, the group is picking another movie. It always gets loud, so they hear the racket and share a look, before making their way back into the fray. When they appear in the doorway, Eddie immediately exclaims: “Stevie! Come, I need you to have my back.”

“What do I get out of it?” she asks as she comes closer, planning to retake her spot in front of the love seat, leaning against Robin and Eddie, who are squashed together on it.

“My undying gratitude?” Eddie offers.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Stevie pretends to consider it. “What am I backing you up on?”

“You’ve got to tell these idiots that The Labyrinth is a cinematic masterpiece,” Eddie tells him, sending him a look that says ‘we both know Bowie is hot, don’t leave me hanging here.’

“Give me a better bribe and I’m right there,” Stevie replies with a grin, ignoring the protests from the kids.

“Hell yeah, Stevie,” Eddie exclaims, pulling Stevie onto his and Robin’s lap, as he says: “A throne for your cooperation, princess?”

Stevie feels his own cheeks burning as he feels the weight of everyone’s eyes on him. She’s aware the kids semi-know she isn’t straight and this looks a certain type of way. And it’s a certain type of way he’s trying to avoid feeling.

Yet, he can’t ignore how nice it is to be close to Robin and Eddie. They’re her people and she loves them and sitting in their laps is much better than the cold floor. So, she leans into it, dramatically swooning as she exclaims: “Oh my, a strong jock is sweeping me off my feet, how can I refuse?”

“I hate that you just called me a jock, even under these circumstances, but I shall take the support!” Eddie grins, situating Stevie better before saying: “Babysitter’s on my side, we’re watching The Labyrinth next.”

All the kids start to protest, voices lapping over each other, until Joyce cuts in and rightfully points out that Stevie hasn’t picked a movie all night and if he supports Eddie, then they’re watching the movie.

Stevie notes that she hasn’t said anything about how Stevie was pulled into Eddie’s lap by the man and is now comfortably lounging against him, legs thrown over Robin’s.

Once the movie starts, he looks to meet Will’s gaze and gives him a grin and a thumbs up with a nod to Joyce. It wasn’t intentional, but if it helps it helps and by the look he gets back, it helps. So, he can’t be mad about it.

By the time the movie ends, all the kids have fallen asleep on top of each other, making Stevie wonder why they even wanted to pick so badly.

Eddie, Robin and her help Joyce with the clean up, before softly saying their goodbyes. They bring Eddie home first, before Stevie drives Robin to her house, letting her excited mom take a picture of their ‘couple costume’ something that had been unintentional, but works out well. Telling her some lie about a party they’d been to and how neither of them had drank, which was true.

At home, she removes the makeup with a smile, before falling into bed, exhausted after the fun night.

However, his brain has decided to be a dick. He hadn’t been scared of any of the movies, but it seems his brain has taken the imagery and decided to revamp all his nightmares with the new pieces it has collected.

This pattern continues on for the rest of the week. By the time Thursday rolls around, she’s gotten maybe ten hours of sleep total that week and is running on fumes, glad she has Friday off this week due to picking up a shift for someone earlier.

Robin has been sending him glances all week and he knows he looks like shit. She hasn’t had the energy to style her hair, making it more noticeable how much it has grown, as she keeps blowing it out the way. Not to mention the concealer he used for his eye bags.

“I know,” he says as she comes in. “I’ve been sleeping a bit rough. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine, I have tomorrow off and I’m going to rest, okay. Naps, all goddamn day.”

“Okay,” she replies, giving Stevie a smile that speaks much louder than anything she could say about how happy she is with the reassurance.

After those weeks when he was struggling, it seems everyone has gotten more worried whenever he’s a bit out of it. On one hand it’s nice that they care, but on the other, Stevie doesn’t really know how to handle the fact that they care. Still, he thinks he’s getting there. Maybe. If he’s lucky, she doesn’t have to be and can just rest Friday and be okay again and not worry them more.

But it’s not meant to be.

Stevie can’t catch a break and his restful night to start of his weekend is more terrible than any before it.

She shoots up in bed in cold sweat and heavy breaths, scream dying in his throat. In her minds eye she can still see Eddie die, feel how the life drained out from underneath her hands. He knows he needs to see him. Now.

Before he’s even aware of it, she’s out of bed, uncaring about the fact that she’s in tiny shorts and a big shirt and it’s November. He stumbles out of the house and into his car, driving on autopilot to the Munson bungalow.

If it gets truly bad, he usually goes to Robin after nightmares, but she also has parents who think they’re dating, so maybe showing up in the middle of the night isn’t the best idea.

And that’s how he finds herself on Eddie’s doorstep, desperately ringing the bell at 3:00 AM, feeling like she can kneel over any moment. She isn’t sure whether it will be from anxiety or exhaustion.

The door flies open and Eddie stands there in full sleep mused glory, holding lamp as weapon, which he drops when he sees Stevie standing there, shaking. Blinking the last bit of sleep out of his eyes, he asks in a soft voice: “What are you doing here, sweetheart?”

Afterwards, Stevie isn’t sure what aspect of the question broke him, but he lunges forwards and buries her face in Eddie neck, heaving a deep relieved breath, before bursting into tears. She just needs to make sure he’s warm, alive and breathing. The release of seeing him alright and well is enough to break him after the horrid week he’s had.

Eddie is probably even more confused, likely also concerned, but he just holds Stevie close and whispers assurances in her hair.

The two of them must make quite a pair as they stand on the Munson doorstep.

They could have stood there for hours or only minutes and Stevie wouldn’t have known. But at some point Eddie deems it long enough and leads him further inside, softly saying: “You’ll freeze out there, Stevie. What were you thinking in those clothes?”

He leads them to the couch and pulls Stevie closely next to him, so that she can rest her ear over his heart while he hugs her tightly with one arm. His other arm is used to pull a blanket over them so that they can warm up.

Stevie is hardly aware of any of it. All she can focus on is Eddie being alive, trying to tell herself that her dreams aren’t real. Everyone is okay. He’s okay. They’re all fine.

She only becomes aware that Eddie must have been unsuccessfully trying to get his attention for a while when he hears him say: “Just hurry, Robbie. He seems really out of it,” before there’s a click of the phone.

“Wha?” he asks, blinking.

“There you are, sweetheart. Hi,” Eddie practically coos, trying to keep his voice soothing so that he’ll stay and pay attention. “Focus on me. Yeah, that’s good, like that. You’re okay, Stevie. We’re all okay. It was just a dream.”

“You’re okay?” he asks to check anyway, because it just seemed so real and she’s so scared right now and she feels so very small.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Eddie assures him. “I’m right here. You’re doing so well. Just stay here with me, Stevie.”

And Stevie truly tries, but he’s just so exhausted and Eddie is comfortable, warm and real. So, it’s really a loosing battle. Her blinks become heavier and heavier and he hates to see Eddie look so panicked, so she offers an apology before blinking out again.

When he wakes up again, it’s with a terror of something he can’t remember amplified by waking up alone when he hadn’t gone to sleep like that and a sound in the hallway. He shoots into an upright position, hands ready to fight as he wildly looks around.

He meets Robin’s terrified eyes with her own, Eddie right behind her. It catches up to Stevie that she’s had another nightmare and that Eddie has apparently called Robin here.

Any fight she had left, drains out of her and she falls to her knees. He’s been through much already this night and his heart is still trying to beat out of his chest. She hates how she woke both Eddie and Robin with her own bullshit, that he couldn’t even deal with this on his own.

Tears start to fall and she heaves deep breaths that do nothing to supply air. Around him, he can hear her friends move, but it all feels like it’s far away.

A hand grabs his own and he startles, meeting Robin’s eyes again as she puts it on her own chest and starts to breath. She tells him: “Come on, breathe with me. Follow my lead. Please. I need you to breathe, Steve.”

She rarely calls her Steve and somehow she can’t handle it on top of everything right now. So, he snaps: “Don’t- Don’t call me th- that. I ha- hate it,” before choking on another breath.

“That’s okay, we won’t, sweetheart,” Eddie assures her, rubbing her back. “It’s no problem. Right now you just need to focus on breathing. In, yeah like that, that’s good. And out. Slowly. And in again.” He demonstrates. “And out. There you go. Doing so well, princess.”

Slowly Stevie starts to come back to herself. His breathing becomes more regular and easier and with it, exhaustion sets in once more, along with the guilt. He whispers: “’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, dingus,” Robin tells him.

“Yeah, you scared us, but I’m so glad you came to me. I hate to think about you dealing with this on your own,” Eddie backs her up, still cradling Stevie to his side. “You did so good, I promise. Don’t be sorry.”

Like it has done all evening, the comforting praise settles into Stevie’s chest and calms her. He’s still exhausted, but he doesn’t feel as much anxiety anymore.

Still, he is so tired of being on edge, of being afraid to go to sleep, of being slow in his brain and movement, of feeling that bone deep drag of exhaustion. And she can’t help but whimper: “I’m just so, so tired,” in a broken voice.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Eddie murmurs sympathetically. “I know. You’ve been so strong and you shouldn’t have to be. You need the rest. Lets get you to bed, promise me and Robbie won’t leave you, okay? We’ll be there all night and you can check that we’re okay whenever you want. How does that sound, sweetheart?”

“Good,” he sniffles.

He’s feeling absolutely pathetic, but unable to stop it. She’s too exhausted to do anything but follow Eddie’s soothing voice as he leads her to bed and holds her closely to his chest like he’d done in the motel. Robin is on his other side, never letting go of his hand.

When she falls asleep, she’s curled into a little ball, clutching Robin’s hand and burrowing as much into Eddie as he can.

Waking up for the third time is very different. It’s much slower and without terror for the first time that week. She’s surrounded by warmth and feels peaceful for a moment, before she realizes what that warmth is and how he got there.

She freezes, loosing whatever calm she had. He doesn’t open his eyes, only screwing them close as she curls further into a ball. Stevie isn’t ready to face the day.

However, that’s not for him to decide, because both Eddie and Robin are already awake and notice how she froze up and hid. Robin squeezes the hand she’s still holding, while Eddie whispers into the ear he’s still cuddled up behind: “Hey there, sweetheart. We won’t bite, promise. Can you open your eyes?”

Last night’s tears have turned crusty in her eyes, so he has to blink a few times, before she can properly open them.

Mentally she tries to convince herself that it won’t be that bad. Eddie and Robin were cool in the motel when he broke down and they were glad he showed up last night, now all he has to do is find an explanation for how she snapped about her name in the middle of a panic attack.

With his eyes open, she meets Robin’s, who smiles kindly at him and asks: “Sleep well, dingus? You know after everything. I mean, I know you didn’t sleep the best overall, but you didn’t wake up again after, but that doesn’t have to mean anything, you know? So, just checking.”

Her rambles are a welcome comfort and he smiles: “Yeah, I slept well. Sorry for bothering both of you.”

“Oi, don’t be a dumbass, Stevie,” Eddie scolds, still very much pressed up behind her. “We said we were glad you showed up instead of trying to deal by yourself and we meant it. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help.”

Stevie tries to curl into herself to get away from the nice words, blushing as he hides. “I know,” she softly says, “but I can’t help it. I know you two don’t always sleep the best either and I don’t wanna be the one messing it up when you do manage to sleep.”

“Dingus,” Robin sighs, giving his hand a squeeze that he returns.

“I’m sorry,” she says and Eddie and Robin groan, making him wince.

“No, you’re not allowed to be sorry,” Eddie tells her, sitting up and nearly making her whine at the loss of the heat behind him. “It’s against the rules now. I’m going to make us breakfast and you are going to enjoy it and not feel guilty about it. We all sleep better together. It wasn’t a hardship, okay, Stevie?”

“Okay,” she gives in, not really feeling like making more of a fuss. One good night’s rest doesn’t solve a week of exhaustion and he’s still on edge about the name thing that both of them have yet to mention.

Eddie shoves a sweater in her face, telling him: “You’ll catch a cold otherwise, I don’t know how you didn’t freeze on your way over here.”

“Thanks,” he says as he slips it on, not commenting on what Eddie said.

Robin follows Eddie down the stairs in her own stolen sweater, while Stevie cleans up in the bathroom. She looks a mess, but not too much. However, without the concealer it will be even more noticeable in the morning light.

He softly pads down the hall aware of the fact that Wayne must have come home at some point and is now sleeping.

In the kitchen, Eddie is playing his music on a low level, equally aware of that fact, as he dances along and makes eggs, one of the few things he can make. Robin is making coffee, because she can’t make anything else at all. For a moment Stevie just watches them, wondering how she got so lucky with his friends.

Breakfast is a quiet affair, all still waking up and enjoying the silence.

“Do either of you have work today?” Stevie asks after a moment, remembering that it’s Friday and he just got lucky to not have to work. She doesn’t want to be the reason Eddie or Robin get shit form their bosses.

“I got an afternoon shift,” Robin shrugs.

“I also got today off, I try to plan Friday as a free day whenever I can to dot the last i’s on the campaign and stuff,” Eddie explains. “Doesn’t always work out, but it’s nice when it does.”

“That’s good,” Stevie smiles, before realizing that he is now the one that broke the peaceful silence, practically giving the others an invitation to start questioning him.

“You told me yesterday you’ve been sleeping a bit rough. How long has this been happening?” Robin asks.

Okay, that’s a question she can answer. Might be a bit embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as the breakdown yesterday. “This past week,” she admits. “Turns out I don’t do horror movies that well anymore, which sucks.”

“Jikes,” Robin winces in sympathy.

“Why didn’t you say anything, sweetheart?” Eddie asks then. “We could have done something before it got this bad.”

“I’m stupid,” Stevie throws his hands up. “Is that what you want to hear? I’m an idiot, who let it get bad and now I ruined everyone’s night. Happy now?” She already feels terrible about what happened, she doesn’t need a lecture about how stupid he’d been, he already knows.

“No, I’m not happy,” Eddie says, crossing his arms and frowning. “Why would I be happy with that answer, Steve-ie, Stevie?”

Great, not only is Eddie disappointed in him now, but they definitely remember the name thing, not to mention that Eddie wanted to use his- his normal name? Old name? Eddie never uses Steve. So, he’s double disappointed, because Stevie keeps messing up.

Both Eddie and Robin are looking at her now and she wants to disappear. He makes a helpless movement and says: “I don’t know.”

Immediately their faces soften and Stevie isn’t sure if that’s a good thing, until Eddie sighs: “That’s okay, Stevie. We’re not happy with you thinking you’re stupid, because you’re not. You’re not, sweetheart, and I hate it when you trash talk yourself.”

“Oh,” Stevie says. A part of her knows that her friends don’t think the things his father always tells her. But it’s still new to hear people say he’s not stupid, even if they don’t really think it, it can be a bit of a joke among their friends. Though Stevie has noticed Eddie and Robin haven’t been making it recently.

It’s a nice revelation.

“God, Stevie, you’re making it really hard to be disappointed at your self-care skills when you pull that cute face,” Eddie smiles.

“What?” Stevie squeaks, feeling how she blushes. Eddie can just say those things and it messes with him, because he probably doesn’t even notice he does it, but he says those things and they’re so validating. Stevie wants to be cute. And according to Eddie he is and that’s nice.

“There you do again,” Eddie groans. “Come on, Robbie, back me up.”

“You do look a bit like a puppy,” Robin agrees. “But more like a kicked puppy. Like, you are surprised by the fact that someone was nice and it’s a bit heartbreaking and also kind of makes me want to squeeze your face.”

“Stop,” he protests, blushing.

“Alright, alright,” Eddie laughs, before turning serious again. “But we really mean it when we say come to us, princess. We’re soulmates, right? We support each other. We want to support you, so why won’t you let us? We want to. Do you get that, Stevie, do you understand?”

His tone clearly demands an answer and though it makes Stevie uncomfortable, she’s also flustered and overwhelmed by the love for these two people. They want to care for her. It’s still crazy, no matter how many times they’ve shown him.

“Do you understand, sweetheart?” Eddie prompts, before Stevie can reply, finally processing that he’s not going to deny them something they want. Even if he’s not at the point where he understand why they would want to.

“I understand,” she says softly. “Thank you for caring.”

“Hey, no problem,” Eddie smiles. “That’s what friends are for.”

A small silence falls wherein they all just take a second to breathe. Stevie almost lets herself hope that they’re not going to mention the whole name thing.

Though, he can’t deny a small part wants them to ask. If they do, he won’t deny it, he can’t. She cares too much for them to be able to do that and she wants to tell them, really, she does. It just terrifies him and he doesn’t know how to bring it up.

But he’s only just accepting that Eddie and Robin are there for her, that they’re not going to leave him behind. And if they do after that, well, he doesn’t know if he’ll survive that. So, she still hopes that they’ve forgotten.

“Dingus,” Robin breaks their silence, looking like she’s picking her words carefully, which she doesn’t often do. “You said something else yesterday. About your name. Want to talk about that a bit more?”

Stevie is sure she must do a great impression of a deer in headlights, because Eddie puts a placating hand on his shoulder and says: “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to, sweetheart.” Eddie gives Robin a look. “We ask, because you seemed upset about it.”

Shamefully, Stevie looks down. This is going to be the moment of truth. She quickly glances around, she didn’t bring much since she fled here last night, so he can see his keys on the coffee table. They know how he likes to sit closest to the door, which means he has an easy escape should that prove necessary.

“Usually, I- I can handle it. Sorry for snapping yesterday, it’s not your fault I haven’t- I haven’t told you guys yet,” Stevie sighs, hyping himself up with little success. Fuck, he’s really doing this right now. Holy shit.

“Told us what?” Eddie says, sounding concerned when Stevie stays quiet for a moment. Robin behind him with anxious eyes.

“I’m- I’m not a boy,” he whispers. “I’m just not. I don’t like being Steve, I don’t want to be Steve, it’s not me. I like being Stevie, just Stevie. Not a boy, nor a girl. Just me.”

The silence is deafening.

Stevie doesn’t dare look up. She doesn’t want to see confusion turn into hate or disgust. Right now, he’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the explosion that’s bound to come. It was stupid for him to say anything.

A hand lands on her shoulder and she nearly jumps out of her skin, as she’s tugged to the side. Soon he’s wrapped up in the smell of weed, motor oil and sweat. Eddie. It takes him a moment to compute that Eddie is hugging her.

Fuck, Eddie is hugging him. He’s okay. They’re okay. Stevie is not being beaten up or insulted by friends today.

Relief floods through her and he clings to Eddie, unable to stop the tears. He just cries, soaking Eddie’s shirt, because he was so goddamn scared. But Eddie is hugging him and he’s pretty sure Robin is holding her hand from across the table.

It’s not the most comfortable position, but Stevie is pretty sure that not even the threat of a demogorgon could move him.

After a few long moments, sounds start to filter back in as she comes back to herself. She hears Eddie say: “We’re so proud of you for telling us. Thank you so much, Stevie. You did great. Just let it out. It must have been so scary. But you did it! You did it. We’re here for you. We’re so so proud that you told us.”

“Yeah, we love you,” Robin says squeezing his hand. “We want to see you happy and if this makes you happy, we support you. Thank you so much for trusting us with it.”

She pulls herself out of the hug to wipe the tears from his eyes with his sleeve. He lets out a wet chuckle and says: “Sorry, I just keep crying. Not the best company.”

“Don’t be silly, sweetheart,” Eddie says, aiding in wiping her face clean of tears. “You just came out, we all know how scary that can be. Not to mention the shit nights you’ve had.”

“You truly look like shit, Stevie,” Robin agrees, spoken like a true best friend. “You’re allowed to be sad is what I mean. That sounded a lot worse when I said it than in my head, because I was thinking about it more, like, you look like shit so you probably feel like shit, because life has been a little shit, you know. But when I said it, it was just mean. You know I’m blunt. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Robbie,” Stevie smiles at her. “I get it, thank you. Both of you.” He makes sure to look them both in the eye as she thanks them, because she truly means it.

“Of course,” Robin smiles back.

“Yeah, no problem,” Eddie agrees. “Is there anything else you want to change besides the name? Or people we can or can’t tell? Words that make you uncomfortable?”

Stevie ducks her head. He’s so relieved that they’re being cool and nice, but she has already discovered that she has difficulty talking about it. When he officially came out to Madame Tucker over the phone after experimenting, this was the hardest part.

However, it must be done. Stevie knows he’ll feel better after and she knows Eddie and Robin well enough to know that they’ll keep pushing if he doesn’t. They’re really adamant about making sure she’s comfortable.

“I- I don’t mind he/him, but I’ve also been using she/her in my head,” he stammers. “But either is fine, really. And- and I don’t like being referred to as a man or a boy or a girl or a woman, you know, those sort of terms. But what you’ve been doing is just fine, mostly. Like, I don’t mind the ‘sweetheart’ or ‘princess’ those have been kind of validating honestly, and ‘dingus’ is totally fine too.”

“That’s good to hear,” Eddie smiles, looking a bit proud of himself, which is honestly adorable.

“As for telling people, I don’t know,” Stevie shrugs. “The kids seemed okay with the whole bisexual thing, but this is a whole other ballpark, you know. Not to mention that none of us know what Joyce and Hopper think. For now, I’m just keeping it on the down low. Only you and Madame Tucker know.”

“The drag queen?” Eddie asks.

“Told you I get phone numbers,” Stevie smirks, before nodding: “She’s been very helpful. We talk on the phone.”

“So just not around anyone, like the kids, we can do that. Right, Eddie?” Robin says, looking a bit scared. “I mean, I have a motor mouth. I really don’t want to mess up, because I don’t want to hurt Stevie, like I would be the worst friend, person even, if I did that and what-”

“You’re not gonna out Stevie, okay,” Eddie cuts Robin off before she can spiral. “You wouldn’t do that to her. You know that, Robbie.”

A warmth fills Stevie’s chest at their words. There is such an easy acceptance, neither of them really missing a beat as they incorporate the new pieces of him into their life.

“Robs, don’t worry, you’re gonna be fine,” Stevie assures her, as she backs up Eddie. “You knew how to shut up even with Russians interrogating you and injecting you with truth serum. If you can do it in those circumstances, you can not tell the kids. You’re gonna be fine. Besides, you can keep using Stevie with them around. We can pass that off as just a nickname.”

Robin takes a deep breath. “You’re right. You’re right. I can do that,” she nods, almost as if she’s giving herself a pep-talk.

Eddie and Stevie meet gazes as they simultaneously turn to the other with a fond look, as if to ask ‘are you seeing this? Our soulmate is such a sweet dork’ and their fond look only turns into a grin as they see that the other agrees.

There’s a weight off his shoulders now that Stevie has told Eddie and Robin. They still love him, they’re still here.

She’s going to be okay.

It’s the best feeling and he lets himself bask in it as they continue drinking their coffee. Until Robin has to leave if she wants to get ready before her shift. Stevie chokes up a bit when she finds out Robin walked to Eddie’s bungalow just to be there for her.

He offers to drive her, but they find out he’s forgotten his glasses at home in his hurry to get to Eddie in the night. They scold her for being unsafe and Eddie drives Robin to her house to get changed before driving her to Family Video. Stevie promises to pick her up so she can hang around while the others play DnD later.

Eddie also drives Stevie to her own house. He asks Eddie if it’s okay to come back with him and just hang around until it’s time to pick up the kids, not yet wanting to be alone. Luckily, Eddie gets that and assures her it’s not a problem.

Hanging around Eddie has always been great, like he can be herself around him. But now, she feels even more free.

At his house, she picked up a pair of more light gray high-waist sweats and a pink cropped sweater, to give himself a figure he’s more comfortable with. It’s not like he feels the need to do something extreme, the dresses and skirts he has squirreled away from her mother’s closet are nice as is the makeup, but Stevie mostly wants to be comfortable. She found it can be the little things that validate him the most.

It’s a bit nerve wracking to change out of his day clothes that she’ll wear later when going out, but when he comes back into the room, Eddie only gives him an up and down, wolf whistling as he winks: “Looking good, princess.”

“Shut up,” she rolls her eyes, but he can’t deny that happy feeling in his chest at the words.

She doesn’t have much to do, but being alone has never been a good time for him and Eddie is more than happy with the company. They’re both a bit lonely like that with Stevie’s parents always away and Wayne working the night shift and having an opposite schedule. So hanging out together works in their favor.

Eddie, however, religiously keeps his notes away from Stevie, who likes being surprised too much to peak, though he gets it.

Still, as he lays there on the couch, listening while Eddie scribbles away at the table, he can’t help but say: “I changed my backup character. Remember when I asked you for a new sheet two weeks ago?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Eddie tells her, looking up from his writing.

“That wasn’t because I didn’t want to fuck with you,” Stevie admits. “Well, that too, but- uhm, I- I made a female backup.”

It’s terrifying to have that in the open and she hears a surprised noise from the table, something she pointedly doesn’t look at. He doesn’t want to see Eddie’s expressive and inquiring eyes right now, she tells those eyes too much.

“I don’t know if I ever want to play her, you know. After the bi thing I dropped last time, I don’t want them poking around that notion until I’m ready, but I like having it there. DnD is all fantasy, you know, I can still hide behind ‘it’s just a game’ and have it mean nothing,” he continues.

He sighs and fiddles with the hem of her shirt. Eddie is waiting for him to go on, sensing that he isn’t done, just needs a moment to gather her thoughts.

“And it’s not like I want to be a girl or some shit. I thought about it for a moment, but it’s not for me. Seems like a lot of work,” she says and Eddie snorts. “But everyone everywhere will always see me as a man. That’s just a fact. So having DnD character be a girl would kind of be like having a space where the opposite is true. It’s a nice fantasy to have, I guess.”

“DnD is all about fantasy,” Eddie agrees. “And the moment you feel comfortable with the kids knowing you can tell me and I’ll find a way to kill Sir Stephen, so you can switch.”

“That’s nice, thank you, Eds.”

“No worries. Do you want me to do anything during DnD? You know, about Sir Stephen, since he is very much a guy when you’re not.” Eddie is looking at him with questioning concerned eyes, now that he finally managed to scrounge up the courage to look back.

“Nah,” she shakes her head assuring Eddie. “I have come to live with Sir Stephen. I’ve been removing him from myself and what I would do a bit. It helps me view him as a character instead of a fantasy version of me.”

“Alright, that’s good,” Eddie smiles. “Tell me if it changes.”

“I will.”

“Can I ask about you backup?” Eddie asks. “Or do you want to keep your mystery lady to yourself for a little longer?”

Stevie shoots upright. He is really proud of her, okay, give him a break. She’s been dying to tell someone since he made the character, Madame Tucker just doesn’t get DnD (and it is frankly hilarious that he is in the position that Dustin was in back when Stevie first started babysitting the kids).

“Her name is Lady Stevie the Striking,” he excitedly tells Eddie. “She’s an elf barbarian and she is like the prettiest most ethereal person ever, I’m talking high elven noble blood in her veins, but she’s just so mad at the world. Because she wants to fight, but her parents didn’t let her because she’s supposed to be a lady and help in their political empire, but she went out anyway. She’s kind of disowned.”

And Stevie rambles on about Lady Stevie for little while. Glad that Eddie gets that it is nice if someone listens.

When she’s done talking Eddie is looking almost as excited as she is. “Holy shit, Lady Stevie sounds fucking epic, princess. That backstory alone gave me so many ideas. I’m usually not a DM that gets joy out of killing party members, but killing Sir Stephen will be delightful.”

“Maybe a bit cathartic, honestly,” Stevie pipes in happily, before sagging and sighing, “If I ever get the courage of getting him killed.”

“Hey, no pressure, if you never do that’s fine. You don’t owe anyone shit, okay,” Eddie says fiercely. “If you decide you won’t tell the kids, we’ll bully Robbie into a oneshot and you can play Lady Stevie the Striking there. Don’t you worry.”

“Fuck, you’re so nice about this,” Stevie chokes out, nearly crying again. “This is so much better than I ever expected. Thank you. Thanks, really.”

“I feel like respecting your identity is just basic human decency, but in today’s social climate, I get it. But still, it’s not a problem, Stevie. I do it with pleasure,” Eddie assures him. “Besides, I’d be a pretty shit soulmate if I didn’t.”

“Are you going to keep using the soulmate thing to bully me and get me to accept your care for the rest of time?” Stevie complains.

“Yup, better get used to it, sweetheart. You’re stuck with me,” Eddie grins, sticking out his tongue.

“What a nightmare,” Stevie swoons dramatically, though she doesn’t mean it in the slightest and both of them know it. The thought of being stuck with Eddie and Robin forever sounds like the greatest fucking thing ever.

When it’s time to pick up Robin and some of the kids, Stevie changes his clothes. The kids will all bike, save Will and Erica, so he’s swinging by the school beforehand to get them too. He’s already excited about tonight, glad to hang out with his twerps, plus Eddie and Robin.

Arriving at the school dims her mood somewhat. The kids with their bikes take off when Erica and Will can get to the car safely, though Dustin gives him a knowing look she can’t decipher and Mike glares, while Lucas elbows him.

All of this becomes even less clear when Will enters her car, thunder cloud above his head. Stevie asks if anything happened, but that only makes Will more moody as he ignores the two.

Stevie tries pushing but it doesn’t work and when they get to Family Video and Robin gets in already rambling about how boring shifts are without him and how much customers can suck, Will huffs and looks out of the window.

Robin gives Stevie a questioning look and she shrugs helplessly. Both turning a bit concerned, but they decide to stay quiet. Though neither can help it as they steal glances at the baby Byers the entire ride to Eddie’s.

Will slams the car door as he hurries out the moment Stevie has parked. Both Stevie and Robin jump at the sound and Stevie asks Erica: “Did anything happened today? At school maybe?”

Erica looks between them, before replying: “Nothing at school no.”

“At home then?” Robin pushes, knowing how Stevie worries.

“Is he okay?” Stevie asks.

“Nothing like that, lets just go before I get blamed for being late,” Erica says, getting out and not giving them more.

With slight apprehension Stevie and Robin follow her into the bungalow, where the others are already setting up. When they get in Dustin practically materializes in front of them and demands: “Why didn’t you tell me you were dating?”

Oh, fuck, the kids found out about that. Stevie forces himself to give off a relaxed posture and answers: “Because it’s none of your business and I knew you’d be insufferable about it.”

“You could have told me! I had to hear it from Lucas, who heard it from his mom, because she talked to Mrs. Wheeler, who had been to brunch with Mrs. Buckley,” Dustin pouts, looking a bit offended. “Don’t you trust me?”

“I do. I do trust you,” Stevie assures him, hating the position he’s in even if he put herself there. “I just want some semblance of privacy and I know that you’ve been dying to say ‘I told you so’ ever since you found out.”

“Well, I did tell you so,” Dustin shrugs, placated. “Like ages ago. At Starcourt, before the Russian elevator even.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Stevie rolls her eyes, giving a look to Robin, who nearly dies laughing at the smug kid, who couldn't be more wrong.

“So, how long have you been together? Who confessed? What was your first date like?” Dustin asks them.

They haven’t really thought about answers for that and both of them look at each other, pulling a blank. Panic sets in a bit. Luckily Eddie is right there and also in the know, so he calls out: “Oi, dipshits, this is not the interrogate Robbie and Stevie hour. We’re playing DnD, lets go. I put effort into this shit.”

“Yeah, it’s not about them right now,” Will spits, almost venomous and Stevie gets a sinking feeling in his stomach that he knows what this is about. He gives Eddie a look, who frowns back, neither of them looking forward to seeing how this will unfold.

Everyone does catch on, however, and drops the topic as they all settle down around the table, while Eddie begins the narration where they left off last time.

It’s a bit tense at first, but soon they’re all having fun. Will relaxes a bit, though he still doesn’t really engage with Stevie, who tries to let it go and have fun anyway. But that’s not really helped by Mike, who has decided to back Will’s foul mood and is a bit more vocal about it, sniping at her here and there.

Eddie shuts it down when it happens so it doesn’t get out of hand, but when it does happen it hurts a bit anyway.

They all see how it’s brewing and it comes to a head when they’re trying to get into the dungeon past some guards. Stevie tries to seduce one of them as a distraction, so the others can sneak by, a routine move at this point.

“Steve is flirting with a girl, we’re back to normal,” Will rolls his eyes as he scowls.

“What?” Stevie chokes out in surprise.

“Yeah, you’re so fucking happy with Robin apparently. Bit out of nowhere. And you can’t even keep that up, already flirting with some girl, just like that guy last time,” Will snipes as everyone in the table turns back to look at Stevie, wondering where this will go.

“It’s just a game,” Stevie tells him, panicking. “It’s not like I’m cheating on her.”

“Oh, yeah, of course. It's just a game. It's fucking fantasy. Not real. None of it is to you,” Will says angrily and it’s unclear if the watery eyes are from anger, hurt or both.

The words punch Stevie in the throat. She knows how much her support meant to Will at Halloween and the game before. He hadn’t realized the kid would see this as a betrayal and it hurts. He bared his soul to the kid and now it’s getting thrown back in his face, like she has faked it.

She wants to explain. Wants to tell Will that he’s still on his side, but she doesn’t dare. The last thing they need is the kids questioning his relationship with Robin. She needs it for safety. At least until they can move out. Not to mention that he doesn’t want to out Will to his friends, since she hasn’t heard of him coming out yet.

But still, even if he was really dating Robin that wouldn't mean he’s less bisexual. Less queer. He still gets it. It’s still her as well.

However, after this shit show, the last thing she wants to do is officially come out to all the little twerps. It would seem like a defense and with the mood everyone is in, he doesn’t want risk any of them saying something they don’t mean. Or do mean. Both of which will suck.

Luckily, Eddie steps in again, his hero this evening. He slams his hand on the table and points to Will as he says: “Stop that. Don’t talk to Stevie like that, Byers. I mean it. You’re being unreasonable and you’re in the wrong here.”

“You don’t get it,” Will snaps.

“I get that you’re in a foul mood and taking it out on Stevie. And he doesn’t deserve it, so cut it out right now,” Eddie tells him calmly, but with an edge in his tone.

“No! You don’t understand, none of you do. He said he was b-”

“Stop,” Eddie cuts Will of before he can out Stevie and spit more venom. “I do get it, Will. I do. I know exactly what’s happening in your brain, so I know that you don’t understand right now. This will always be just a game in the end. It’s great for escape and trying things, but it doesn’t have to mean anything unless you want it to.”

“You’re on his side now?” Mike asks, backing up Will. “You can’t play favorites.”

“Right now, maybe I am, because this is supposed to be fun. Fun,” Eddie snaps back. He rarely snaps at any of the kids. “I’m a flaming homosexual and I still play all the girls you flirt with, as well as the guys. That doesn’t make me less gay. Same goes for anyone else here. It is just a fucking game.”

And with that, the whole room falls deathly silent, all the kids looking at Eddie with wide eyes.

A/N:

Oehh a cliff hanger, I don’t think I’ve done that in this work yet

Note: Outing anyone is never cool, no matter the circumstances and what horrible thing you think the other has done. Someone’s sexuality should never be weaponized against them. No matter how much I understand why Will felt betrayed, he will be told that wasn’t okay next chapter. This isn’t a dunk on his character, but he’s also a kid trying to find himself. He’s not going to be perfect about it.

Ngl, I hate talking about my gender to people and what does and does not make me comfortable, bc I hate the attention and talking about my feelings, so I’m giving Stevie the success I never had (like, I’m 90% certain my dad missed me coming out… twice now, bc I’m so bad at it… oops)

((I have a male DnD character, bc sometimes it’s just gender to play the opposite of your AGAB, even if you don’t have a gender yourself))

also for those wondering why Robin and Stevie won’t date for real bc now Stevie isn’t a man, I’m genderwise like Stevie but in a relationship I present myself on the women end (iew me as a woman) of the spectrum, for Stevie’s that’s a man, hope this helps <3

(also romantic Stobin creeps me out)

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missluckycharms · 3 years

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What is grief, if not love persevering?

Anon asked: heyyy! i love your writing sm💕 can you write angst please? make it hurt☹

Masterlist.

Summary: in which Harry is a single Dad due to losing his wife five years ago just shortly after their little love was born. Y/N has been there through it all. Harry has a rough night filled with whiskey and tears for his late wife.

A/N: this one is full of Angst and light hearted jokes to not get you too sad … sorry in advance, it’s a real tear jerker. Enjoy!!

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, talks of alcohol and drug abuse, talks of depression and very low mental health, curse words.

—

Five years.

It’s been five years since the passing of Myla Styles, the woman who granted Harry a wish he always wanted, the woman who loved him beyond all the galaxies and the woman who never saw any wrong in anyone, not even the worst of people, she always used to say “deep down, their heart is just aching” and Harry always admired that about her, she always looked on the positive side of life.

She held that same attitude as he held her hand in the hospital room, her fragile and pale body laying on the white bed as she peered up at him, oxygen tube in her nostrils and too many machines to count hooked up to her body, she was a shell of a woman, but she still had a heart of gold, the same hear Harry fell in love with when they were sixteen years of age. He hated seeing her this way, especially when their nearly one week old baby was resting in his other arm, fast asleep as her Mum clung to every bit of life she had left, but not once did her smile fade.

It all happened so fast, one day she was pushing life into the world and eight days later her life was being taken out of this world. There was complications with birth, the doctors and nurses finding undiagnosed ovarian cancer in her ovaries when they had to send her in for an emergency c section. Myla confessed she felt off, her body didn’t feel right, but she knew if something was seriously wrong, she wouldn’t risk the life of her baby getting treatment, she would rather her baby live over her. Doctors and nurses tried their best, trying to refer her to new hospitals to get stronger chemo if she wanted, but Myla refused, she told them to let her go, she was tired and she couldn’t stick around long enough to see if these treatments would work — she knew she was dying but Harry refused to believe it.

The day she left, was the day Harry felt like his whole world stopped, like the curtains were shut and he was left in a dark room with no way out. He promised Myla he would do his best to take care of their love, who they named Honey. He was dealing with the loss, Honey taking his mind off it a little and giving him reasons to pull himself from bed even on the days when he wanted to lay around and wallow in his own darkness — she pulled him out of those days, but two months later it all came crashing down on top of him.

He slipped into a wrong mind set, immediately knowing that Honey had to be taken away from him because he was living in fear he would hurt her, one day he woke up and he looked at her and just cried, he held her and he felt nothing, he didn’t even sympathise with her when she would cry for food, he felt nothing towards Honey and this scared him, terribly. Anne, his Mum took Honey in, letting Harry to relax and blow off some steam and get some help, his and Myla’s family all agreeing and saying he needed help and it wasn’t something to be ashamed about — he just lost his wife, they can’t lose him either.

Harry took the wrong route of clearing his mind and getting help, he found his therapy at the end of a bottle and a line of cocaine. He slipped into an endless spiral of week long benders and debts for drug money along with risking losing his home due to him quitting his high up job at his Fathers Law firm, he completely crashed and burned, he couldn’t live without her, he couldn’t stop his mind racing and the only way for it all to stop, and let him feel numb — was when he was drunk and high, passing out in every room of his home and in his garden, the neighbours finding him sometimes in their yard in a mess. They were the ones who got him help, they called up his family and they all rushed him off in an ambulance to get him sober and conscious again. Here is where he made the decision to sign himself into rehab, accepting the help the hospital offered and a few months later, he was out and clean, he stayed with his Mum until Honey turned one and that was the year Harry found his smile again, found his life and purpose again.

Looking back now, he doesn’t know how he ever made himself believe it was Honeys fault Myla was no longer here, he doesn’t know how he’s even alive because of all the drugs and alcohol he ingested every single night for three months solid, but he knows why everything turned around, it was his Angel looking down on him, guiding him and kicking him in the ass to get up and look after their little love, just like she asked him to do before she left, always look after himself and Honey.

It’s been five years since her passing, Harry is doing better than ever, he started working for his Dad’s company again and now he’s the president of the law firm, alongside his Dad who is the CEO, Harry being second in command and then being the CEO when his Dad retires from the firm. They kept their family home, even if it was just the two of them, they loved the home and it still felt like Myla was living here, her makeup still tucked away in her unused vanity in Harrys bedroom and her favourite paintings still hung up around the home. Harry even hired a nanny, she has been working for him for two years now, she’s even working alongside Harry in his office being his receptionist during the day and she’s Honeys afternoon and night nanny when she’s done in work and Honey is home from school.

Y/N is Honeys nanny, she takes care of the little lady and feeds her daily, even taking her to the playground and to the movies when Honey asked her could she go. She would do anything for Honey and Honey loved her endlessly, she loved the way she would allow her to eat sneaky chocolate bars after dinner every now and then and how she would always play dollies with her, kneeling down on the floor of the den and playing with the small girl until they were both in fits of laughter. Harry also adored Y/N, her passion for her job at the law firm along with her passion for looking after Honey is something he admires, she never once complains about being exhausted even though he can tell when she is, she didn’t have to think twice when Harry offered her the job as Honeys nanny, she knew the little one from her being in the office every now and then, and Honey was instantly drawn to her, the way she was so kind and the way she cared for Honey.

Tonight is a hard night for Harry, it’s Myla’s death anniversary and he’s been having a bad day, his mind racing and his heart breaking all over again, but this time he’s stronger, he’s able to power through until he could be alone and just let his emotions go, have a glass of whiskey and just cry a little flipping through old photo albums — he does this every year on her anniversary. Honey is tucked up in bed and he’s sat alone in the den on the sofa, the photo albums on his lap and his hand clutching a small glass of whiskey as he sips on it flipping through many photos from their wedding and from when they were teens and drunk in love in high school — so many memories can be attached to one person, and Harry knew one day they would be memories, but he didn’t know it would be so soon.

“Honey is fast asleep, left her door cracked open so she can shout if she- Harry? Are you okay?” Y/N stops suddenly, her eyes landing on her boss who was hunched over a photo album on the sofa, curtains drawn and the only light coming from a lamp beside a framed wedding photo of him and Myla on the table by the sofa.

“Yeah, thanks for putting her to sleep” Harry says weakly, not turning around which alarms Y/N, she’s seen him like this last year, she let him be as she was only new to it, but this year she’s determined to sit with him all night if he needs — he needs to have some company.

“That’s you?” She asks sitting next to him, Harry not moving or telling her to leave, he accepts her company as she looks down at the photo his eyes are laid upon — two teenagers at a party.

“Yeah, m’hair was a curly mess” he says with a low laugh, looking over the photo of a seventeen year old version of himself, smiling cheekily clutching a red solo cup and Myla wrapped under his other arm holding him around his waist, both their smiles wide and cheeky and their cheeks flushed pink from the alcohol in their bodies.

“I think it looks cute, pitty it’s not as curly now” she says with a light laugh, watching as his ring clad fingers turn the page, taking a sip from his whiskey as he goes.

“This was our prom, she made me wear a pink fucking bow tie — absolutely hated it” he laughs, the crinkles by his eyes evident as Y/N laughs along, looking down at the curly headed teenager in a black suit, white shirt and a bright pink bow tie, matching Myla’s floor length dress next to him, a shawl over her shoulders matching as the corsage around her wrist match the pink of her dress also.

“She hated that dress a year later, she was packing up for college and I was helping her when she found it, immediately burst out laughing” he says laughing loudly, remembering back at the memory he has, Y/N beside him happy at how joyful he sounds speaking of the memories.

“Oh here we go, Frat boy Harry!” Y/N says with a loud laugh, pointing down at a shirtless twenty year old Harry, backwards cap on his head and “Myla’s Bitch!” Wrote on his stomach in paint, two beer bottles in his hands and Myla on his shoulders cheering with her hands up in a red bikini, matching his swimming trunks and baseball cap.

“Some of the best years of m’life, raging parties and no more curfews, we were two hormonal teens absolutely smitten for one another” he says shaking his head with a laugh, his eyes bright as he flicks them over the photos ranging from Harry dancing, Myla being pushed into the pool by him and Harry passed out with a mustache drawn on him with Myla next to him holding the marker with a bright smile mid laughter.

The book is filled with their college days, to their graduation day from college, their photo in their first apartment, Harry on his first day of work and Myla on hers. They took photos of small things, but at the time they meant the world to them, they were milestones in their lives and they never wanted to forget them. Harry is forever grateful that Myla had an obsession with photography, otherwise he wouldn’t have these to look back on and hopefully show Honey one day what her Mum was like, even if she’s drunk and half naked in some of them at college parties.

Harry and Y/N are in fits of laughter, tears falling from their faces as Harry explains every single memory behind each photo, one photo containing a memory of Myla at her bachelorette party, Harry coming out as a stripper and giving her a lap dance as she slaps his ass and throws money all over her husband — that one will definitely not be shown to Honey. Harry is like a whole different person when he speaks about her, his laugh becomes louder and his eyes become brighter, he even ditched his whiskey after one glass to speak about his late wife, Y/N looking at him with pure amazement and proudness of how far he’s come, how he pulled himself from a hard time and carried on life for the sake of his baby girl. He’s truly inspirational in her eyes.

“It should be easier than this by now, right? Like I shouldn’t be still grieving” he says when their laughs and stories come to a stop, their eyes hooded with sleep and faces hurting from laughing.

“What is grief, if not love persevering? You were both childhood sweethearts, you’ve loved her since you can remember and you always will, she’s your whole world, of course you’ll still grieve her, you still love her, and that’s okay” Y/N blurts out, her words quick as she blabs on while Harry watches her, a smile on his face as she explains and accepts his feelings.

“Never knew you were Shakespeare” is all he says, she rolls her eyes laughing, slapping his bicep a little as he shuts the album, tucking it away in the drawer again before turning his focus back onto Y/N beside him.

“Seriously though, never tell yourself you’ve been grieving for too long, it’s okay to grieve and cry yourself to sleep some nights, I get that, I do. You lost a person who made you who you are, but don’t forget, you still have a little one that will need you to be the person who makes her who she is”

Harry thinks she’s amazing, she’s smart and she’s so empathetic towards everyone and anyone. She has a heart of gold and she will never let anyone explain hers or anyone else’s feelings for them, she always allows people to express who they are, heck, one night she brought Harry to a gym after hours, explaining how her brother is a trainer there and he gave her the keys on the condition that she does his laundry for a month, she let Harry rage out and punch the shit out of a punching bag one night because he was so upset. She cheered him on and he was smiling as he was punching towards the end, she helped him release the emotions that built up and would of lead him back down a dark path.

She’s been an Angel sent from above, he knows Myla sent her to him because of how much they’re alike, Harry knows for sure they were sisters in a past life, their kind hearts and understanding natures alike but they have their differences, Myla was very out spoken and loved to party but Y/N is reserved and would rather stay inside with a hot chocolate and her crosswords while watching TV, but that’s another thing that Harry finds fascinating about her, she’s younger than him by eight years, when he was her age he was partying.

“Thank you Y/N, I needed this tonight” he says with a smile, her own smile on her face as she nods leaning over to rub her hand over his in a comforting manner, the pair looking at one another as they soak in their presences.

“It’s getting late, I should go” she says realising it’s nearly midnight, Harry and her need to be in work tomorrow morning and Harry has to wake up to get his little lady ready for school also. He gets a bit saddened when she says this, he secretly wants to hear more of her own college years and her own prom much like he told her earlier.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow” he says with a smile, watching as she gathers up her bag and throws it over her shoulder, car keys now in her hand as she smiles at him once more before heading for the den door. She pauses and looks back at him, his eyes meeting hers as they hold contact for a few seconds before she speaks up.

“See you tomorrow, Harry”

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles au #harry styles one shot #harry styles fandom #fan fic author #singledad!harry #dad!harry #anon <3 #anon ask #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles prompts #fan fiction #fan fic prompts #fan fic requests

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rwprincess · 3 years

Text

Midnight Sun'd Prologue (Brian Johnson x Fem!Reader)

Masterlist

Word Count: 10.5K (She like...20 pages long. Sorry).

Synopsis: My movie/Canon Prologue, but from Brian’s POV. That’s right, I’m Midnight Sun-ing this b*tch.

CW: Underage marijuana smoking, suicidal ideation, self-deprecating thoughts/self-doubt, low self-esteem, swearing, child abuse, parents being terrible, sexuality (since this is based on the movie, nothing is really outside the scope of the movie in terms of content).

Saturday, March 24th, 1984

Shermer High School, Shermer Illinois

Brian knew why he was here. In fact, he thanked his lucky stars that Saturday school, or detention, rather, had been his punishment. If this hadn’t been an extremely out-of-character first offense for him, he surely would have been suspended, or even expelled. His family had made their disappointment clear, especially when his mother told him to find a way to study and make amends today, even if he was asked to just sit in a room with strangers and reflect on what he did. When he arrived in the library, he was surprised to see Claire Standish already sitting there. She, of course, did not look up or make eye contact with him, but he chose to sit at the table behind her nonetheless. Before he could gather the courage to ask her what a popular, polished girl like herself could possibly be doing here, another two figures approached the doorway. Andrew Clark’s large, stocky frame loomed there for a moment before excitedly spying Claire. Again, no attempt was made to include Brian; he was practically invisible at this school, which was a big part of his underlying problems and self esteem here at Shermer High. It wasn’t so much that Brian wanted or needed popular people like Claire or Andrew to notice him. He didn’t really look up to them or desire their attention. It was just that, sometimes, it felt like everyone looked through him, as though he wasn’t even there. Adults acknowledged him, sure. He was polite and an overachiever, the perfect student. But his peers didn’t take much stock in him. He had a few loyal, true friends, but rarely did anyone outside of his particular interest groups reach out to him.

As Brian settled into a seat behind Claire, he took note of the second figure who had entered, the one who came in shortly after Andrew. It was her. Brian had to restrain himself from gawking when she entered the library, as she was one of the absolute last people he could ever picture earning a detention. Brian knew her from his English class last year; he had been stunned by her beauty the moment she entered the room that first day of high school and felt the same nervous, heart-pounding sensation he felt now, seeing her enter the library. He lamentably had zero classes with her this year, but he would see her in the hallways sometimes and that old familiar feeling would come rushing back to him, reminding him of the crush he had on her all last year. Back then, he had sat behind her, across the room and would catch himself staring at her or admiring her answers and volunteered opinions. His strong suit was in the more concrete subjects: science, math, that sort of thing. So the insightful analyses she would give always impressed him, and through them he got the sense that she was smart but also kind. This was precisely why he was shocked to see her here now, having earned the same consequence he had for bringing a weapon into school. But he couldn’t imagine her doing anything like that, anything to warrant this. He not-so-discreetly watched her as she hurried across the room and took a seat in the front row opposite to him. She, like Claire and Andrew, had not made eye contact or acknowledged him. Her seeing right through him hurt more, though.

Brian had sat down, but had not quite unpacked as he was still reeling from the revelation of Y/N being in the same detention as him, and that meant he would be in the same room as her for nine hours. He hadn’t even noticed John Bender stalk into the library, surveying the landscape that he was clearly king of. That is, until Bender stopped in front of him and snapped his fingers to get his attention and indicated for him to move out of his seat. Even if Brian weren’t the type to try to accommodate someone, a people pleaser, he would have followed John Bender’s instructions. Everyone in school knew of his reputation, and while some things were probably a lie (like throwing flaming toilet paper over Mrs. Applebaum’s house), some were definitely true, including his penchant for getting into fights. Brian had never had to fight someone before and he was pretty sure he lacked the capability to do so. Simply put: he would get his ass kicked. So he got up immediately and moved to the next seat over...right behind Y/N. He noticed that she stiffened, sat up straighter, as he slid into the seat behind her. So she had noticed his existence. But from her body language, he assumed that she didn’t particularly enjoy his presence. ‘Great. Perfect way to start this whole shitty day,’ he thought. At one point, Brian would have fancied himself an optimist, but lately that attitude was all but gone...not that his current situation helped much.

He also noticed the girl with black clothes, heavy makeup, and messy hair quickly walk along the outside of the tables and sit behind him, facing away from not only himself, but the entire group. He raised his eyebrows in disbelief, ‘Should be an interesting time,’ he thought while taking stock of her, Bender, the populars, and...Y/N. It still puzzled him that she could be here. Bender made total sense. Everyone knew that he practically lived here in detention. Based on how she looked and seemed to make herself comfortable, Brian guessed that the girl behind him also was a regular here. While he didn’t exactly expect Claire or Andy to be here, he wasn’t hugely shocked by it. Claire probably skipped school or was rude to a teacher or something and Andrew was an asshole anyway. He fit into the jock stereotype pretty well, all brawn and no brains, picking on those that he saw as weaker than him. Maybe that’s why he was here.

Vice Principal Vernon walked haughtily in, looking down on each and every one of them; a lord surveying his fiefdom. Brian’s posture stiffened as he both tried to show respect and unconsciously showed his fear of the man. The last conversation with him had also involved his parents and that was abhorrent, a total disaster. The recollection of the event made him nauseous. Right after he spoke, Claire raised her hand, “Excuse me sir, I think there’s been a mistake. I know it’s detention, but, um...I don’t think I belong in here.” Internally, Brian rolled his eyes. He didn’t really know Claire (he suspected that no one really truly did), but he had always been under the impression that she was full of herself. All of the popular clique seemed to be that way, just full of arrogance. And here she was announcing how she was better than all of them in front of them. Vernon completely ignored her statement and told them it was 7:06, on the dot. Brian quickly looked down at his watch and aligned it to Vernon’s time. He was very particular about organization and precision.

As Vernon started his speech about rules, Brian tried to shift slightly over, get comfortable. But Vernon looked right into him and Brian could swear he saw into the depths of his soul as he said, “You will not move from these seats,” and pointed right at him. He froze like a deer in the headlights and quickly moved back. Brian had almost always blindly followed authority and now was definitely not the time to change that. Vernon continued and Brian only half-listened, looking around to gauge how the rest of the group was reacting, until he heard him say, “Good. So, maybe you’ll decide whether or not you care to return-” He saw this as the perfect time to redeem himself and started to stand up, raising his hand.

“Um, you know, I can answer that right now, sir. And that would be a no for me-”

“Sit down, Johnson.”

“Thank you, sir.” Brian sat back down, gulping. His embarrassment was only made worse noticing that Y/N had turned around to look at him when he started speaking. He wasn’t so invisible now, just his luck.

*~~~~*

There was little to no surprise that Bender antagonized the group. His main targets seemed to be Claire and Andrew, but he was making snide or crude remarks to everyone, and this made Brian very uneasy. He hated conflict and confrontation, which was probably why he had brought a flare gun to school rather than talk to his Shop teacher about replacing his failing grade or talk to his parents about how much he was truly struggling. He tried to take his mom’s advice about just doing work. He tried to convince the others to just write their assigned essays and not end up in a fight, but it didn’t work. He reasoned that he could at least do the right thing, but he couldn’t help but keep getting drawn into their conversations. It was almost like watching a trashy soap opera...or a staged wrestling match. “Go to hell!” Claire screamed at Bender, and Brian looked nervously to the door. Vernon surely heard that and would come storming back in, right?

But he didn’t, so Andy continued their conversation and got in a new dig at Bender, “You know, Bender, you don’t even count. If you disappeared forever it wouldn’t make any difference. You may as well not even exist anymore.” Brian gulped, thinking about his recent and frequent thoughts about how he himself ‘may as well not even exist anymore.’ He was doing...okay since the day he had had a semi-plan to take his own life, but the feelings didn’t just stop. He was still failing Shop, of all classes. He was still a disappointment and burden to his parents. He was still invisible at school, to Y/N. None of that went away when Mr. Ryan found the gun in his locker. Bender turned Andrew’s comment around and said he’d go out and join some clubs.

Now, Brian saw his opportunity to be less invisible, maybe. “I’m in a math club!” He blurted out. No dice. Bender and Claire just continued bickering, ignoring him completely. But he couldn’t help it when he stated “I’m in the Physics Club, too,” in their direction just hoping, praying that someone would acknowledge him. He hadn’t counted on that person being Y/N, though. She’d turned slightly towards him and his blue eyes flickered to hers and he froze. Having been lost in the argument between the others, he had almost forgotten that she was there. She gave him a gentle smile and a nod that made him gulp. He’d suddenly failed to remember how to breathe, how to function and his mind was only filled with a channel of ‘Oh shit. She’s looking at me.’

But then she added, “I’m in the Drama Club.” Of course, he knew that, but it was still nice for her, of all people, to be making conversation with him. He was immediately forced to snap out of it, though, when Bender addressed him.

“Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?” While Brian hated the look John gave him (it was much too similar to his parents’ frustrated looks when he was clearly ‘bothering’ them with something), Brian felt compelled to answer. He had wanted to be noticed, to be involved in the conversation, right?

“Well, what I’d said was, I’m in the Math Club, the Latin Club, uh, and the Physics Clu-Physics Club,” he stumbled through his words nervously. He felt regret instantly as Bender turned it around as a slight on Claire, and also managed to insult him by calling him a dork in the process. Still, he yearned for his attention and approval, so he eagerly answered John’s follow up questions. He just wanted to get along with everyone and have them accept him, and even though John was just using his input as ammunition against Claire, he liked that he was at least being included.

*~~~~*

It was a long, dragging morning. It was only around 10AM and topics of conversation seemed to already run out. Everyone was now more or less keeping to themselves. At first, Brian thought about writing his essay, as he said he planned to, but why bother? There were still many hours to fill, and how was he possibly supposed to answer the prompt of Who Am I? He truly did not know. He’d actually been pondering that a lot lately. All of his life he was praised for his smarts, but the ‘real world’ was showing him that that didn’t mean jack shit. Sure, he could understand difficult concepts and dissect complex equations, but that meant nothing if he couldn’t apply it. He thought he was taking the easy way out with Shop. It was meant to be a class he didn’t have to worry about; a stress-free A to keep his GPA up while juggling various clubs and volunteer opportunities to put on his college applications next year. But it ended up being a total nightmare. He was absolutely terrible at it, and he had never failed at anything before. Now the burn-outs and underachievers had the upper hand and were able to make their projects work and look good and he had...nothing. He failed so miserably that it tanked his self-esteem and now he was stuck in an identity crisis. It was much too early on a Saturday to confront those demons, so instead he chose to sit and daydream. And subconsciously, as with many teenage boys, his attention fell to girls. As much as he thought Claire was self-centered and spoiled, he had to admit that she was attractive. She carefully curated herself to be so. She had perfect, beautiful red hair that was never out of place, flawless makeup, perfectly fitting chic clothes...and she was staring into space licking and biting her lip, which had him completely flustered. Y/N only added to it by adjusting and stretching in her seat. Her beauty was more effortless than Claire’s, or at least seemed less...intentional. She did not have the designer clothes and her hair was more natural than trendy but alluring in her own right, and the way she was pushing her chest out was not helping. He could feel the shift and tightness in his khakis and tried to nonchalantly clear his throat, but now Y/N was turned three-quarters around and could clearly see him, so he tried to sneak his hat into his lap and acted like nothing was going on by setting his head on the desk. ‘Oh shit. Oh fuck.’ were the chorus of his thoughts as he could see her quickly turn back around and face forward. ‘I’m sure she thinks I’m a creep now. Great going, Johnson,’ he chastised himself.

Vernon was almost a welcome sight when he strode into the library at 10:20 to allow them to use the “lavatory.” Brian almost let out a sigh of relief. Almost. When they returned to the library and it was clear that Vernon wouldn’t return for a while, Bender started ripping up a book and when he threw it at Brian, the latter took that as his cue to walk away. He spotted Y/N looking through the catalogue of books and approached her. “Hey.” He nodded in her direction, trying to play it cool and seem neutral. ‘Smooth. Great opening,’ he thought. But to his surprise, she actually said ‘Hi’ back and smiled. He had no idea what to talk about and didn’t really think this through, but the black-clad girl let out a startling, “HA!” that made them both jump.

Brain looked back to the others and heard Andrew sarcastically say, “Oh, you’re breaking my heart,” to Claire.

“Sporto?” Bender asked, “Do you get along with your parents?” Brian started to look between the two of them nervously.

“Well, if I say yes I’m an idiot right?” Andrew responded. Bender leapt over the ramp’s banister and started at the other boy.

“You’re an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents, then you’re a liar too.” Not only did Brian not like being involved in confrontation, he also hated being witness to it. As Andrew followed Bender, he felt compelled to go break it up, put a stop to this.

“You want me to turn it up?” Bender asked, flipping off Andrew as Brian stepped between them, placing a hand on one of each of their shoulders. They smacked his hands away, almost in sync and he withdrew, but he knew words could be just as powerful as actions.

“I, I don’t like my parents either. I don’t know. Their idea of parental compassion is just...whacko.” Brian confessed.

“Dork? You are a parent’s wet dream, okay?” Bender replied, clapping him on his shoulder. It was a friendly enough gesture, but it actually dealt a devastating blow. Brian knew he was a disappointment to his parents. He was being open and honest with the group and was shut down immediately anyway. “...face it, you're a neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie. What would you be out doing if you weren’t making yourself a better citizen?” Another hit. This one made Brian sink against one of the tables. He hung his head and didn’t even notice Y/N approach him until she softly placed her hand on his shoulder.

“You okay?” She offered, gazing into his eyes. He was terrified that she would be able to read him and to see the truth, to see the sad and scared kid he truly was inside. Instead, he stiffened up and sat rigidly, clearing his throat of emotion.

“Yeah, thanks.” He also tried his best to ignore that she was touching him. If he weren’t in detention being told he was the epitome of geek by John Bender, he’d have sworn this were a dream. Bender now moved his disdain to Claire, asking if she were a virgin. Y/N shifted uncomfortably away from Brian and crossed her arms over her chest, but still stood next to him, watching the same drama unfold. Bender and Andrew soon stood in front of them, fully in a heated argument and Bender took a swing. Brian didn’t think twice and reflexively shot his arm up to shield Y/N. Sure, his crush on her might be stupid or silly, but he was not about to let her get caught in this crossfire and get hurt. He watched as Andrew wrestled Bender to the floor and Bender said, “I don’t want to get into this with you, man...cuz I’d kill you.” Andrew let him up and they seemed to separate and cool down, so Brian finally moved his arm back down, assuming the danger towards Y/N was gone but he was on-guard still, ready to move again if he needed to. “It’s real simple. I’d kill you and then your fucking parents would sue me and it would be a big mess, and I don’t care about you enough to bother.” For some reason, this hit Brian hard and he had to look away, look down to escape. But then he heard a click and his head shot up. Bender had pulled out a switchblade. His eyes went wide and he looked cautiously at Y/N who looked just as shocked. They all relaxed a little when he stabbed it into a chair instead of Andrew’s flesh, but immediately panicked again when the door audibly unlatched and opened. They scrambled to get to their seats, Bender quickly striding to the front and sitting far away from Andy so as not to implicate himself. But that meant that he had stolen Y/N’s seat. On her original route to it, she diverted and sat quickly and silently next to Brian. He swallowed hard in response.

Instead of Vernon, Carl the janitor walked in. They collectively sighed with relief and he addressed Brian. “Brian, how ya doin’?” Brian quickly averted his eyes, both embarrassed to be seen here by Carl (he stayed late in many clubs and had built up a good rapport with the man and didn’t need him thinking less of him for being in detention) and by being seen as associated with him by his peers. Carl was a great guy, really funny and nice; accommodated every need each one of his clubs had...but Brian was still a teenager and image was everything and being thought of as ‘dweeb who is friends with the janitor’ was not how he wanted to be seen.

“Your dad work here?” Bender inquired, smirking deviously. Brian just shook his head in response and didn’t answer Carl, either. “Carl, can I ask you a question? How does one become a janitor?” Bender continued.

“You want to become a janitor?” Carl asked, knowing that Bender didn’t really want to know.

“No, I just want to know how one becomes one. Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.” Bender glanced over at Andrew and smirked again, pleased with his implied put-down.

“Oh really? You guys think I’m some untouchable peasant, serf, peon? Maybe so. But following a broom around after shitheads like you for the last eight years, I’ve learned a couple of things.” Carl looked towards Brian and Y/N, “I look through your letters.” Brian thought he saw her stiffen and freeze, just a little bit, as if Carl were addressing her. She suddenly shifted away from Brian and he wasn’t sure what to make of that. “...I am the eyes and the ears of this institution, my friend.” Carl stopped and smiled, “By the way. That clock is twenty minutes fast.” Brian looked at it and then his watch, noting that he was right. He wasn’t sure if he should adjust his wrist piece or not; to go with the time on the wall or the time Vernon was keeping. But he couldn’t be bothered with the choice when Bender stood up and faced his table. He was afraid of what he might do or say to them, but he simply nodded towards Y/N’s seat, indicating that she could have it back.

“I’m good for now,” she said, surprising Brian. He assumed she would have moved back, a moment ago she moved away from him, but now she was looking at him out of the corner of her eye before glancing back up at John, who was raising an inquisitive eyebrow. “Thanks for not dicking with my stuff though,” she said.

“Oh, shit.” Bender said “Do you think I should steal something or has the moment passed?” The tension seemed to drop and they all smiled as he went back to his seat, but he turned his attention back their way. “So, you’ve been pretty quiet, what’s your name?” Brian had a bad habit of blurting out. He liked answering questions as it was, showing his knowledge. A lot of the time, it didn’t matter if he was being asked or not. So, without thinking, he responded to Bender’s question and told him Y/N’s name. It was a reflex, but one he instantly regretted, feeling like he just shot himself in the foot. Bender gave him a look and he steeled himself for his worst, for the mockery sure to come, but instead he just looked at her and followed up with “Is that true? Is that your name?”

She didn’t acknowledge his weirdness either. She simply nodded and told John, “Yeah, (Y/N). Or, I guess you could call me (Y/N/N) if you want,” and Brian let out a quiet shaky exhale in relief. That could have been...disastrous. After a moment, while Bender was otherwise occupied, she turned to him and said, “Thank you, for earlier. I mean, blocking me when those two were getting into it.” He felt his heart race; he wasn’t sure she had even noticed that earlier, even though he wasn’t exactly subtle.

“N-no problem.” He responded, trying to restrain the smile creeping up onto his face. He wanted to play it cool, like it was no big deal, like that’s just what manly men such as himself do: put themselves in harm’s way for others.

Vernon came in to dismiss them for lunch much too early for his liking. He didn’t really have much of a chance to talk to Y/N while she was sitting next to him, and as soon as they were allowed to mill about like the caged animals they currently were, the remaining members of their detention gravitated towards Bender near the center of the library. Brian was slightly disappointed when she wandered off into the stacks as Bender looked through books and Claire continued her daydreaming. Not really sure what to do with himself, Brian folded his long legs over one of the ramp railings and sat atop it, hunched over. He looked up when Bender called out, “Hey, Peachy!” There were a few moments of silence before Y/N looked back over in their direction and Brian froze, immediately disliking Bender addressing her as such and worrying what uncouth thing he might say to her. But he just asked her what she could be in detention for, because she didn’t seem the type, which Brian wholeheartedly agreed with. He waited intently for the answer, as every interaction he had with her (or every observation, rather), she seemed so...sweet.

“Oh. Well, you know how in Biology they dissect like, frogs and shit every year?” She looked a little defeated and a blush crept up her cheeks as she continued, “I---sort of stole and freed the frogs.” Brian couldn’t help but laugh. That seemed like something you shouldn’t get detention for, anyway, but it was definitely on-par with the personality he knew her for. He felt relieved that the reason aligned with how he thought of her. She was in here for something nice, and debatably, the right thing. His heart melted a little when she told Bender that she had researched enough to let the frogs go responsibly; that she would have adopted them if they wouldn’t have made it on their own and he couldn’t help but smile in her direction. Bender, of course, moved on quickly, scanning one of the books in his stack to find new material to talk about, to bother the girls with, but Brian’s gaze was still fixated on Y/N. She was running her fingers along spines of books, seemingly in her own world. He felt like maybe it was fated that they were both here, like he was getting a second chance. He still hadn’t really conjured up the courage to talk to her yet, but they were only half-way through their day; there was still time.

“Claire? Y/N? You wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts?” Bender asked, “Pretty tasty. How do you think he rides a bike? Oh Claire, would you ever consider dating a guy like this?”

“Wait,” Y/N’s eyes lit up and she looked their way again. “Elephantiasis? Like the movie The Elephant Man? Great movie! Really sad though.” Brian grinned at the way she scrunched her eyebrows together in remembering the emotion from the movie. He had seen it, too. It was really good...and touching. Maybe that could be his ice-breaker. Movies were normal things that normal teenagers talked about, right? He didn’t really notice that Bender and Claire were still conversing until it implicated him, though.

“Oh! Watch what you say. Brian here is a cherry.” Brian looked at him, startled.

“A cherry?” He asked, indignantly, cheeks flaring up with a red hue. “I am not a cherry.” He didn’t need Bender calling him out like this, embarrassing him. He didn’t need the obvious association that the nerd was a virgin. Especially in front of beautiful girls, particularly Y/N. She didn’t need to know that he was an inexperienced loser.

“When have you ever gotten laid?” Bender asked, doubtfully

“I’ve laid lots of times.”

“Name ONE.” Bender said, sarcastically, hoping to catch him in a trap.

“She lives in Canada. Met her at Niagara Falls; You wouldn’t know her.” Brian said, prepared with this answer from previous conversations about this topic. It wasn’t the first time he’d been involved in a conversation about virginity that he couldn’t be entirely honest about, nor was it the first time he had been mocked for being a virgin or doubted about the non-existent relations that he didn’t have. Even though part of his brain felt like it was glaringly obvious to the outside world and must have been stamped on his forehead that girls did not typically talk to him, nor had he even kissed a girl before, but he still lied about it anyway. He knew he didn’t precisely have an ‘image’ to protect, but he didn’t want to seem like a total lost cause or dweeby stereotype.

Bender, however, wasn’t having it. “You ever lay anyone around here?” He scoffed and Brian panicked. He had noticed that Y/N had turned back to the aisle of books and was praying she wasn’t listening, and Claire didn’t seem to be paying attention, so he tried to gesture to Bender to keep it down, to let him off the hook before either girl noticed him or this conversation. Bender immediately twisted it around and attacked him with it, though. Brian felt his heart being squeezed and felt overwhelmed, instantly, as Bender said, “Oh. You and Claire did it.”

“Oh, uh I-Let’s just drop it, okay? We’ll talk about it later,” Brian attempted to get out of it again, praying that John would have one ounce of mercy on him. However, Brian was never really very lucky.

“Well, Brian is trying to tell me that in addition to the number of girls in the Niagara Falls area, that presently you and he are riding the hobby horse.” Brian’s eyes slammed shut in embarrassment.

“You little pig,” Claire growled at him and his eyes shot back open wide. He scrambled to defend himself.

“No! I’m not! John said I was a cherry and I said I wasn’t. That’s it. That’s all I said.”

“Well then what were you motioning to Claire for?” Bender followed up, not giving Brian any wiggle room.

“You know, I don’t appreciate this very much, Brian.” Claire sounded more disappointed and hurt than anything, which made Brian feel like a slug, instantly. He didn’t mean to implicate her or to bring her down. He was just trying to hide his embarrassment from John and the girls.

“He is lying!” Brian tried one last attempt to deflect.

“Oh, you weren’t motioning to Claire?”

“You know he’s lying, right?”

“Were you, or were you not motioning to Claire?” Brian hated this. He’d been stuffed in lockers before and yearned for that over the torture Bender was inflicting now. He couldn’t save face; either he was a disgusting creep saying he had had sex with Claire when he didn’t, or he’d have to tell them the truth and feel humiliated at telling everyone he was a virgin. He grit his teeth and chose to go with the latter.

“Yeah, but it was only- it was only because I didn’t want her to know I was a virgin, okay?” They looked almost...shocked by his response, which he wasn’t expecting. He thought it would be a ‘Well, duh, you’re a virgin, Johnson! Who would want to touch you?’ But Claire and Y/N looked surprised. “Excuse me for being a virgin, I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you want me to know you were a virgin?” Claire asked honestly, like it was no big deal. If she only knew...

“Because it’s personal business. It’s my personal, private business.”

“Well, Brian, it doesn’t sound like you’re doing any business,” Bender snuck in another jab and Brian was brought down to what he knew all along, that they were just going to laugh at him.

“I think it’s okay for a guy to be a virgin.” Claire’s unexpected response gave him instant relief. She was taking his side and Bender had no more ammo. Brian perked up even more when Y/N agreed with her. It wasn’t an embarrassing secret for him now because they didn’t mind. They almost seemed to admire him for it. The thought caused his lips to twitch and he hid his smile by leaning his head against his knee.

*~~~~*

During lunch, Bender didn’t have any food, so his appetite turned to targeting the rest of the detainees again. He started in on Claire for a bit, but then came over to taunt Brian. It seemed like it could be friendly, at first, as John just examined his lunch. But as he drew out each item, his tone became more and more sarcastic. “Here’s my impression of life at Big Bri’s house.” Bender went on to mock him, painting his life like it was some episode of Leave It To Beaver where the family would all hug it out at the end. Brian’s throat became dry and he could feel eyes on both Bender and himself, trying to judge his reactions to John’s farce. He hated being such an easy target. He hadn’t done anything towards John personally, but he was still constantly in the hot seat because John could get away with it and the others would laugh and enjoy it. At least Andy fought back...even Claire did. And Bender didn’t even really bother to mess with Allison. She had an aura of ‘don’t fuck with me,’ and he didn’t even touch her as a subject, even though she was just as odd and out of place as Brian. Not to mention, he was wrong. It wasn’t all peachy-keen happy endings at Brian’s house. If it were, Brian wouldn’t be here today.

Still, it was hard not to be drawn in by John, and he watched his next dramatic retelling of his own home life in stunned horror. John’s dad called him terrible names in this act and hit him. “Is that for real?” Brian asked, brows furrowed. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe John, it was just that...well, the situation sucked and he needed to be told it wasn’t true. Like a kid hearing that a ghost story was made up and there was nothing to fear. But he knew by John’s pained expression that it was, even before he spoke.

“Wanna come over some time?” Bender asked him and he flinched away. Andrew didn’t believe him though, and questioned it so John revealed to them all his very real cigar burn scar on his arm, claiming he got it from spilling paint in the garage. The group collectively flinched and no one moved for a few moments while Bender said, “I don’t need to sit with you fuckin’ dildos anymore,” and raged through the library.

“You shouldn’t have said that,” Claire admonished Andrew.

“How would I know? I mean he lies about everything anyway.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.” Y/N snapped at him and looked back towards Bender as though she wanted to follow him. Brian tried to will her silently not to; he didn’t really trust that Bender would control his emotions and she might get hurt. He felt relieved when she turned around, but then his heart began pounding once more as she gathered her lunch into the sack and stood up. ‘No, don’t do it, Y/N.’ He stared at her, but she didn’t seem to notice as she cautiously walked past and crept up the library stairs to where Bender was and sat next to him. Brian felt a little calmed when Bender didn’t lash out; he just rolled his eyes but stayed rooted to the spot. Meanwhile, the rest of the group at their lunch in silence.

*~~~~*

Brian felt guilty for leaving Bender behind, for allowing him to sacrifice himself for the group. Hell, they all did. Especially when Vernon started shoving him around and saying he was going to be in jail. Brian couldn’t help but wonder if he could become like John. It’s not like he was born into that life. But he had it tough at home, struggled at school, and had problems with authority (particularly when they lied). Brian could see some parallels. He, too, was unhappy at home. While his parents didn’t beat him like John’s did him, or berate him to the same degree, he couldn’t help but feel like a disappointment. And he felt like he was just slipping. Now he had broken school rules, brought a gun to school, watched as others destroyed school property, and was gaining a healthy distrust of authority by seeing how Vernon acted today. He’d even corrected him once, when counting Bender’s detentions, not that the truth seemed to matter to Vernon anyway. What if he continued down this path? What if things just kept getting worse at home? Would it really be that bad to be like Bender? Despite being a total jerkwad, he had the charisma to draw people in. He’d even had Y/N eat lunch with him! It just didn’t seem like the deal was all bad when he looked at it that way. ‘What’s next? Are you going to take up smoking?’ His brain scolded him, even though he had completely forgotten that he had drugs stashed in his pants right now...until Bender fell through the ceiling and asked for them back. He dug them uncomfortably out of his underwear and handed the bag over. Bender took off to smoke in the library and Brian realized he had a choice to make. Boy, was he tempted. ‘What’s one more rule broken today?’ He felt more emboldened when Claire stood up and followed John. Andrew tried to talk him out of it, shaking his head. Brian drummed his hands on the desk. He wasn’t sure he’d have another opportunity. Most of his friends and acquaintances didn’t do drugs...to his knowledge, anyway. He thought momentarily about his cousin Kendall, and how he started smoking pot and didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere. ‘You already don’t feel like you belong anywhere,’ His mind reminded him, and with that, the decision was made; what did he have to lose? So he slunk off to join Bender and Claire.

It was...definitely a different experience. Brian didn’t care for the way his thoughts seemed so disjointed, that he couldn’t keep one train of thought going. For someone who was known for his intelligence and felt like his brain was his one good quality, it was a little scary to have that slip away. But, there was a sort of numbness that came with the drug that made him worry less about that. He felt less worried and anxious in general, actually. His focus was being pulled in too many directions to wonder what his parents would think or if he was saying the right thing, or if this could even be a mistake. He felt relaxed and oddly open. He was even making Bender and Claire laugh, which he hadn’t expected. It was like there was a new persona underneath that was unlocked. He didn’t know what he was doing, but it wasn’t the worst thing ever. He was, however, surprised by how long the effects lasted. It was a little more than an hour later and the whole group was sitting in a circle (Y/N and Allison never seemed to have joined them in the marijuana. Not that he had noticed, anyway) and Allison was telling the group that she was a nymphomaniac, which was exciting. Particularly to someone with zero experience, to hear someone claim she’d done ‘almost everything’ was utterly fascinating. However, his head was still swimming and he seemed to have a lack of filter between his brain and his mouth. He couldn’t catch his words fast enough, which was often a problem for him sober, but now it wasn’t just supplying corrections or information, the more cruel thoughts slipped through, too.

“Obviously she’s crazy if she’s screwing her shrink,” he added to the group without even thinking. Y/N was sitting to his right and promptly hit him on the arm with the back of her hand.

“Brian!” She hissed and gave him a glare. ‘Oh shit. Did I say that out loud?’ He thought, looking at her with wide-eyed fear. The realization sobered him up pretty quickly and he was much more in control of his thoughts and words after that. Despite the weed taking away most of his worries, he still cared how she perceived him. From then on, he was more focused on the conversations in front of him and how he added to them, but it was harder to control his emotions when Andrew began telling them about why he was here today.

“You guys know what I did to get in here today? I taped Larry Lester’s buns together.” Andy said, with a hint of a smile. ‘How can he just smirk like that? He has to know it was a shitty thing to do and that he hurt Larry.’ Brian thought. He knew Larry had been attacked this week by one of the sports, but he didn’t know who. Larry didn’t even know the kid’s name, had never talked to him, but still got jumped anyway. An experience that Brian was all too familiar with.

“That was you?” Brian asked, somewhat surprised, but started to get angry.

“You know him?”

“Yeah, I know him.” He said quietly, trying not to let the anger bubble past the surface.

He had to bite his tongue when Andy made Larry into a joke, “Then you know how hairy he is right?” Bender and Claire chuckled at his joke, at him bullying one of Brian’s friends. ‘I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything different,’ Brian thought dejectedly. But he was hoping that they were all better people than...this. The realization that they weren’t better than that, coupled with Andrew expressing his feelings about his father got Brian thinking. “I...hate him. He’s like this mindless machine that I can’t even relate to anymore.” Brian felt so disconnected from his parents, too, even though the rest of the group thought they lived in a fairytale. He was their pride and joy once, but it felt like ever since he started high school, he just wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t a good enough student, he didn’t do his chores right, he wasn’t setting himself up for college correctly, he wasn’t a good role model or brother to his sister...it all just added up and weighed on him immensely. He covered his face with one of his hands to hide his emotion and expression from the group. He didn’t even react when Andrew started screaming what his father had told him, but when everything settled down, he took the chance to speak.

“That’s like me, you know, with my grades. Like, when I step outside myself. A-and I look in on myself...and-and I see me, I don’t like what I see,” it was a difficult thing to admit but after what Allison and Andrew shared, he felt like maybe this could be the space to do so, too.

“What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you like yourself?” Claire asked. He knew it was meant to be nice, encouraging even, but it just made him feel worse. This beautiful, popular, and rich girl asking someone why they weren’t happy with themselves? Like she could have any sort of clue. No wonder it baffled her; she had everything. But he could also see Y/N nodding vigorously, agreeing with Claire. He didn’t want to put her on the same plane as Claire, he felt like she would be above that. But she clearly didn’t understand the way he felt, either. That just made him feel more alone.

“It’s stupid, but,” Brian said, “because I’m failing shop. We had this assignment to make this, uh, ceramic elephant. Anyways we were supposed to-it was, it was a lamp. When you pulled the trunk, the light was supposed to go on. But my light didn’t go on. I got an F on it. I’ve never got an F in my life. When I signed up, y’know, for the course, I thought I was playing it smart. I was, uh, ‘I’ll take Shop, it’s an easy way to maintain my grade point average.’”

“Why’d you think it would be easy?” Bender chimed in, not making eye contact. Brian had been lost in his own thoughts and his story and not looking at the group either, really. He had wanted to be honest, but he was also embarrassed. Honesty would have been hard to maintain if he was looking at them and seeing their judgments in real time.

“Have you seen some of the dopes that take Shop?” Brian asked, not realizing it would strike a nerve.

“I take Shop.” Bender responded, now turning his eyes to him, “You must be a fucking idiot.”

“I’m a fucking idiot because I can’t make a lamp?” Brian snapped defensively. He should have known it would be a mistake to put himself on the line like this, to open himself up to their judgement. He knew Bender was lashing out because he was insulted, but that didn’t make his jibes hurt any less.

“No, you’re a genius because you can’t make a lamp.” Bender shot back, sarcastically.

“What do you know about Trigonometry?” Brian fought back.

“I could care less about Trigonometry.”

“Bender, there’s no engineering without trigonometry.”

“Without lamps, there’d be no light.” Bender replied grumpily, grasping at straws for a fair comparison.

“Okay, so neither one of you is any better than the other one,” Claire jumped in. Before either of them responded, Allison added her own odd addition.

“I can write with my toes!” Both Bender and Brian looked at her incredulously, but she did calm the two of them down and add levity to the moment.

“I can make spaghetti!” Brian said cheerfully after a moment. Y/N smiled at him and his heart fluttered. He returned the smile and for a moment, forgot all about his blunder. Maybe that smile had given him the courage to participate again, to be open and vulnerable. Claire and Bender began fighting again, which wasn’t a surprise, but it opened a door for Brian to ask what had been weighing on his mind since their circle began. He felt like they had all bonded. They had told each other some of their deepest secrets and biggest pains, but did that really make them friends? “I know it’s kind of a weird time, but you know, I was just wondering...what’s going to happen to us on Monday? I mean, I consider you guys my friends,” he continued, looking around the circle, “I’m not wrong, am I?”

“No,” Andy reassured him. So, he wasn’t imagining it, they felt like friends, too.

“So on Monday, what happens?”

“Are we still friends, you mean? If we’re friends now?” Claire asked.

“Yeah.”

“You want the truth?” Claire couldn’t meet his eye, and Brian knew from the question she posed, he really didn’t want the truth. He knew what was coming, but he continued anyway.

“Yeah, I want the truth.”

“I don’t think so.” Claire responded and he somehow still wasn’t prepared for the blow. It still hit him hard, causing a squeezing pain in his chest and he looked away, clenching his jaw to hold the tears back that were welling in his eyes.

“With all of us,” Allison asked, “or just John?”

“With all of you,” Claire confirmed, looking away from the group.

“That’s a real nice attitude, Claire,” Andrew said gruffly.

“Oh, be honest, Andy,” Claire groaned, “If Brian came up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? Picture it, you’re with all the sports.” Brian glanced up at his name and looked at Andy hopefully. In his heart, he knew Claire was probably right, but he wanted to believe that Andrew was really his friend, that they all were. “You know exactly what you’d do. You’d say hi to him and then you’d laugh and cut him all up so your friends wouldn’t think you actually like him.”

“No way.” Andy denied, and that gave Brian a glimmer of hope, one he so desperately wanted to believe.

“What if I came up to you?” Allison asked.

“Same exact thing.”

“You are a bitch!” Bender yelled at Claire.

“Why?! Because I’m telling the truth? That makes me a bitch?”

“No. Cuz you know how shitty that is to do to someone and you don’t have the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them you’re gonna like who you wanna like…” Bender continued berating Claire, but Brian now started to fail to hold back the tears that had been threatening so long to fall. He didn’t make eye contact with anyone in the group and tried to quickly wipe the tear away, hoping no one was paying attention to him; that they couldn’t see how they had impacted him. But he still felt eyes on him, particularly when he wiped the next tear away. He let Claire and Bender’s argument surround him. They called each other out, that neither would associate with him or Allison, that their image was too important to protect to reach out. It was a story that Brian had lived all of his life. ‘How could I think that one day would change everything?’ He thought, pitifully.

“So I assume Allison, Y/N, and I are better people than you? Us weirdos?” Brian interjected when Claire and Bender were silently fuming from their spat. “You, would you do that to me?” He asked Allison.

“I don’t have any friends,” she replied, which made Brian smile a little, even though he rolled his eyes some.

“Okay, but if you did?” He let out a light chuckle, urging her to answer.

“No. I don’t think the kind of friends that I’d have would mind,” Allison replied and Brian nodded, then steeled himself to turn to Y/N and ask the same question. He saw her quickly swipe at her face with her sleeves and realized, suddenly, that she had been crying too. He wasn’t sure why; she had been very quiet through this whole exchange, but maybe that was because it hit home hard for her, too. He felt a painful pang in his chest, both from seeing her tears and from fearing the possibility of her answer. He had spent the day hoping that this was a second chance, that he could get to know her. This was a bold move and would tell him if there was even a chance or not; and he feared the ‘not.' She locked eyes with him and he gulped, petrified to dive in but knowing he had to.

“What about you, Y/N?” He asked, quietly. It felt like the question hung in the air for an agonizing eternity, even though she answered right away. Time worked differently when you were waiting to hear if your world was going to be shattered.

“I would be honored to be your friend,” she replied with a shaking voice. Even though it was strained, it filled him with instant relief. He believed her as he had believed Allison and nodded, biting his lip.

“I just want to tell, each of you, that I wouldn’t do that,” he turned to the group,” I wouldn’t and I will not. Because I think it’s real shitty.”

“Your friends wouldn’t mind because they look up to us.” Claire told him and he couldn’t help but laugh derisively in response. Next to him, he heard Y/N give a sort of squeak but figured that it carried the same disbelief towards Claire as his gesture did.

“You’re so conceited, Claire. You’re so conceited. You’re like, so full of yourself. Why are you like that?” Brian noticed the tears falling again and swiped them away. He didn’t want Claire to think she wounded him, that she had the upper hand. While it stung to have all of his beliefs about how the popular kids perceived him and his friends confirmed, that wasn’t what really was bothering him. It was more that it reminded him that he was invisible, he didn’t matter, which was exactly why he was here today.

“I’m not saying that to be conceited. I hate it. I hate having to go along with everything my friends say.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Claire sighed, and Brian noticed that she was drying her own tears. He didn’t necessarily like having caused them, but it was nice to know she was still human, that she was feeling the way he was, too. “You don’t understand, You’re not friends with the same kind of people Andy and I are friends with, you know? You just don’t understand the kind of pressure that they can put on you.” That, however, lit a fire within Brian. ‘Pressure from other assholes is so important? Try your own parents, Claire.’

“I don’t understand what?” Brian began, gesturing towards himself and planting his fingers into his chest. It relieved some of the dull ache there. “You think I don’t understand pressure, Claire? Well, fuck you! Fuck you!” ‘Also, fuck ‘bravery’ or saving face,’ Brian broke down into sobs in his elbow before calling out from his hiding spot, “do you know why I’m here today? Do you?!” He sat up to look at the group, the people he considered friends, to share his pain with them. “I’m here...because Mr. Ryan found a gun in my locker.” The words turned thick as they left his mouth and took on a life of their own. His eyes darted quickly around the circle, noting Claire’s dropped jaw, Allison’s tearful eyes that couldn’t meet his own, the way Andrew looked away and Bender seemed to know how he had felt, but also how he was surprised that Brian had the balls to do such a thing, and finally...tears silently and consistently slipping down Y/N’s face.

“What’s the gun for?” Andrew asked, interrupting Brian’s thoughts.

“I tried. You pull the fuckin’--trunk and the light’s supposed to go on and it didn’t go on, you know?” ‘You’ve said too much. They all thought you were a weirdo, now they think you’re a psychotic weirdo.’ “Forget it. Just--forget it,” he said in an attempt to brush it off, as if everything could go back to normal with the bombshell he just dropped on them.

“You brought it up, man,” Andrew insisted.

“I can’t have an F. I can’t have it and I know my parents can’t. Even if I aced the rest of the semester, it would only be a B. I’m ruined.”

“Brian…” Claire started, but there was nothing she could say to make this alright. ‘You’re a failure, Brian, and now you’ve become a freakshow. Look at her pity,’ his brain taunted him and he lashed out to hit the stool on his right, not even thinking about it until Y/N jumped up in her seated position, startled. The last thing he would want to do is hurt or scare her. ‘Shit, great. Another fuck up.’

“Sorry,” he mumbled in her direction before setting his head on his knee and continuing with his story from before, “Just considering my options, you know?”

“No, killing yourself is never an option!” Claire yelled at him, which made him scoff.

“Well I didn’t do it, did I? No, I didn’t think so.” ‘She really just doesn’t get it, does she? She still can’t picture why I’d want to--’

“It was a handgun?” Allison asked

“A flare gun. It blew up in my locker.” Brian sighed, but then he heard Andrew start to laugh. “It’s not funny.” Brian asserted. Andrew tried to clear his throat to stop laughing, but he couldn’t and Brian bit his lip and smiled in realization, “Yeah, it is.” The laughter was contagious...and better than crying. “Fucking elephant was destroyed.”

“You know what I did to get in here?” Allison asked the group, and Brian almost feared her answer. “Nothing. I didn’t have anything better to do.” That completely brightened the mood and Brian fell over laughing. It seemed like he was forgiven and that no one here was judging him for the failed lamp or the gun nor would they tell anybody about it. They...they had accepted him in the end after all.

*~~~~*

“...we trust you.” Claire was trying to talk him into writing one essay to cover all of them, and she was using flattery. Lucky for her, it worked. He looked down the row to seek approval from the others and they all nodded. But he liked knowing that they thought he was the smartest and the most capable, that they trusted his words would win over Vernon in a way that they wouldn’t be punished for not doing their own essays. It was a big task and a lot to entrust to him, so he took pride in fulfilling it. Claire took the other girls with her somewhere and it was just Andrew and him sitting silently in the library, so he decided to get to work. Andrew was just lurking about, playing with his jewelry, but he wasn’t a distraction. However, Allison passing by looking completely different was. Brian looked up, shocked that this was the same person he had spent all day with. Her hair was away from her face and he could actually see her brown eyes and she was wearing...white, the opposite of all of the layers of black before. He caught her glare at him staring at her so he tried to give her a reassuring smile, that it was a good look for her. She said, “thank you,” and moved on toward Andrew. Brian turned back to his essay and finished the last couple of lines, not noticing Y/N approaching behind him. If he had, he probably wouldn’t have kissed the essay or given himself a ‘good job’ punch in the arm.

He sat up in startled revelation when she spoke, “That good, huh?” He realized she had just seen everything. He had never felt more like a dork in his life and a blush crept up into his cheeks.

“Uh...yeah, I-I guess. I mean, do you want to read it?” He asked as she started to pull back the chair next to him to sit down.

“If you want me to, but I trust you.” She took her seat and placed her arm gently on his forearm. ‘Holy shit. She is touching me! She’s looking at me. What do I even say? Do I acknowledge the touch or do I just--’ “I’m impressed that you came up with something so quickly though.” Brian felt pride bubble up within him, knowing that she noticed...no, she was impressed by him. He cocked his head and looked at her sideways, trying to figure her out. She quickly looked away and pulled her hand back, now fiddling with her sleeves. ‘Is she...nervous?’ He thought, trying to decode her reaction. “So, um…you said earlier that you were in the Math Club? Um, I mean, if you have the time, do you think you could tutor me? I’m like totally lost in Clarkson’s class.”

He blinked. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t exactly that. Not that he would say no to spending more time with her. He had wanted that second chance, after all. “Yeah, no, I could do that,” he told her and watched as she twisted away and looked behind her, grabbing paper off of Allison’s desk. She leaned back forward and reached for his pen in front of him. She was actually close enough now that he could smell her shampoo and his body threatened to turn into jello on the spot.

“Here...is...my...phone number.” She said as she wrote it out on the paper and handed it to him. “Call me so we can set something up?” She looked up at him and knocked the breath right out of his lungs.

“You--You want me to call you?” He asked with raised eyebrows, wholly surprised by the request. He’d not only not kissed a girl, but one had never given him her phone number before.

“Yeah.” She smiled at him and his heartbeat picked up even faster, if that was possible. She cleared her throat and nodded towards Andrew and Allison. “So, those two, huh? Unexpected, right?”

“Oh. Yeah.” He was suddenly hurtled back to Earth, to reality. “Definitely. Wait, where’s Claire?”

“She...she said she was going to go ‘check on’ Bender.”

“Wow. So them, too.” ‘Everyone is coupling up maybe we should--’ he interrupted his own thought and shot it down. All he could say was, “That’s really...weird.”

*~~~~*

After they were finally released and Brian left his essay on the desk for Vernon to collect, and hopefully reflect upon, they all walked out together. It made sense as they all had to go to the main entrance, but there was a feeling of solidarity within it that made Brian think that the members of what he dubbed The Breakfast Club would continue their friendship come Monday.

Allison and Andrew branched off together, as did Claire and John. Brian looked quickly at Y/N as she walked down the steps with him. His dad was there to pick him up, which he was thankful for. His mom would definitely notice him walking with a girl and have a million questions and a lengthy lecture lined up, but his dad would barely notice, much less think anything of it. He reached for the door handle as Y/N was about to depart, but then she called his name, “Hey Brian,” he looked up, not sure what else she could possibly have to say, especially since they had been silent while the couples had veered off. “See you Monday.” She reminded him and gave him a small smile. He gave a grin in return.

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you on Monday.” He replied, beginning to get into the car, her phone number burning a hole in his pocket. For the first time in a long time, he was actually looking forward to another week school.

Tags:

@criminalwipes

#the breakfast club #breakfast club #breakfast club movie redeux #midnight sun'd prologue #you're not the only one stephanie myer #brian johnson x reader #brian x reader #brian johnson #john bender #claire standish #allison reynolds #andrew clark #80s fanfic #reader-insert

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harrysgloves · 4 years

Text

Three’s Company (part 2)

Harry Styles x Reader x Florence Pugh

>>>PART ONE<<<

Story Summary: You deal with your breakup.

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: Language // Angst // Pretty sure I made the reader an alcoholic // oh and you know smut!! YEAH bet you didn’t think you were getting makeup sex but oh you are. (threesome so proceed with caution, thanks)

Authors Note: I got carried away... but don’t we all when it comes to them? Anyways, feedback is always wanted and deeply loved. Hope you you guys like it!! xx

>>>

"Is this color too moody?" You asked your neighbors cat that was lounging in your living room.

The midnight black ball of fur lazily blinked open his eyes long enough to croak out a "meow" before going back to sleep. Your head nodded in agreement as your 5th beer bottle of the day pressed against your lips.

"No, you're right. It's allowed to be moody." You agreed with the very large, very old, cat who always wandered over to your apartment. His owner, Ms. Thompson, gladly let you babysit him for a few days after she came to your door to find him the first night. Your blood shot, tear filled eyes when you answered the door, fully gave away the fact you'd been crying for the last few hours.

A bowl of Tupperware with hot chicken noodle soup laid on your doorstep the next morning along with the first gorgeous bouquet of flowers.

It had been four days since your break up with Harry and Florence. Four days of sleepless nights, alcohol filled days, and meaningless activities to keep your mind off how you were feeling.

Four vases of flowers that you couldn't bring yourself to throw away sat on your cluttered counter. The delicate petals were starting to turn brown around the edges from your lack of care. The notes on each one seemed to glare at you everytime you walked to your fridge to grab another drink.

Each one a variation of, "I'm so sorry. -H"

"When we broke up it was for totally different reasons. I wanted to raise the kids Jewish; you wanted to sleep with men." Debra Messings' voice and the horrible laugh track of 'Will and Grace' filled your lonely apartment. Your comfort show played on repeat. The same jokes, the same voices, the same fucking void in your heart.

It'd be four days and you felt like you were a second away from losing mind.

And sure, maybe, you could have called them. You could have said you overreacted and that you messed up so badly. Instant regret hit you as soon as you had walked out his door.

You'd get over it, get over them but it didn't seem to be as easy as you originally thought.

Everything reminded you of them.

"Love this one." Harry said the last time he'd spend the night with you. Your favorite record played softly in the background when he placed the needle down on it.

"Oh, this is one of my favorite episodes!" Flor cheered as she ran out of your kitchen to the living room at the sound of a 'Friends' episode starting.

"Got yeh this when I was out today." Harry handed you a dumb pen holder. A small Julius Caesar that had pens jetting out of his back.

"Take this before you freeze." Florence mumbled as she moved your blanket slightly off Harry and towards you while you all cuddled in your bed.

Everything that reminded you of them had been boxed off, separated, put away somewhere else until you could look at it again. You were left in an almost barren house that no longer felt like a home, with a cat, that wasn't even yours, sleeping on your coffee table that was littered with empty beer bottles. All while you drunkenly painted your walls at 2 in the afternoon.

How did shit get this bad?

The sound of a knock at your door called you out of your mind. An instant sinking feeling started in your chest as you walked across the floor. The wave of alcohol that ran through your system calmed some of the nerves but not all of them.

They wouldn't show up here, right?

You could feel the sweat starting on your hand as it rested on the doorknob. Another knock came from the other side of the door made you jump in your skin.

"You haven't answered your phone in four days! Open up!" One of your brothers yelled from the hallway as his fist pounded on your door. You rolled your eyes as you stood there debating if you could avoid him. Your plan to stay as quiet as possible quickly went to shit.

"Y/N, do not make me call dad." Your other brother, the one who's slightly fucking scary, voice boomed through your door like it wasn't even there.

You threw your door open to the absolute shit show that was your family. All four dumbass brothers stood outside of your apartment door. All four let out a simultaneous sigh of relief before walking into your very messy apartment.

"Jesus." Jason, the youngest, breathed out when the smell of alcohol hit him right in the face. His nose scrunched as his worried eyes flashed over the room.

"Did you drink an entire liquor store?" Tommy, the one you were closest to, asked as he scanned the damage done to your living room and what the hell you'd been doing to your liver the last four days.

"Shut up." You mumbled as you sat down on the floor, the couch was deemed unusable by you until further notice. Way, way, too many memories on that dumb thing.

Raphael's lips pursed as he studied the new living room color. He didn't even bother to hide the fact he was judging your meltdown as he turned to you.

You two were the closest in age. You were only 6 months older, and were both adopted at the same time. It definitely didn't make getting along as children necessarily easy. The both of you butted heads so much the other 3 acted more like referees than siblings. Which is why the room seemed to shift dramatically as he turned to you.

"So, you stonewall your way out of a relationship and then ignore everyone who checks on you?"

"Here we fucking go." Jack, the middle child and probably the most sensible brother groaned as he sat down cross-legged on the floor. His head rested in his hand as he stroked Marshmallow's black fur.

"Hey! We said we weren't going to bring you if you started a fight." Tommy snapped right before Jason interrupted.

"He has a point, Tomás."

"Like you haven't had your heartbroken."

"She's the one in the wrong!"

"No she isn't!"

"You can't defend her forever. She has to own up to her shit."

You groaned, your head laid back as you listened to them argue about you, right in front of you.

There wasn't enough alcohol in the world to deal with this.

"Get out." You said as you stood from your place on the floor, all eyes darted to you as you demanded for your own space.

"Wait, what?" Tommy asked as the rest of them looked at you like you had magically grown three heads.

"I said, get out. I'm not listening to this. You guys want to fight, go to dad's." You opened your front door, held it wide open for all of them to filter out. Each one gave a sad or sympathetic smile as they left.

"Y/N, I think you should really give them anoth-" Jack tried to reason with you before you shut the front door, hard. The slam echoed through your now quiet apartment as you stood there yet again, alone.

>>>

Your hooded eyes stared at the same spot on your ceiling. Your back rested on the cold hardwood floor of your wrecked living room. Your head swam with a fuzziness that only happens when you spend too many days on a bender.

You were fucked and your heart, your soul, hurt in a way you didn't think was possible.

You could feel the prick of tears starting again in your eyes as your mind ran over everything. The good times, the bad, the moment you wished you could take back.

Why did you leave that damn house? You could have at least let him explain.

You sighed as you sat up. The uncomfortable feeling of the room spinning only got worse as you shifted forward to grab the drink you'd poured earlier. The glass pressed against your dried out lips as the same laugh reel ran in the background.

Was this your life now? You wondered as you sat on that cold floor of your apartment. You used to be okay with nights like these. You used to be fine being alone.

Now, the silence felt like a stab to the gut.

Your phone that laid on the table vibrated non-stop. The worried texts of people who loved you flooded your phone, you were worried about you too but you couldn't admit it.

Why did this hurt so bad?

Was it because you'd never experienced a loss like this before?

Or was it because deep down, shut away in the corner of your mind you dared to never go to, you knew exactly how you felt about them? And it scared the shit out of you.

You gulped down the rest of your drink. Not wanting to begin the vicious cycle of why you were so quick to give up on them. Why you were so determined to leave before any explanation could be given.

Fucking hell, you needed therapy.

Your shaky legs walked over to the TV, turning off the reruns. Your glass placed on the edge of your coffee table as you made your way to your bathroom. A hot shower would always fix everything.

The stream of warm water pounded against your back as you sat in your bathtub. Your mind fluttered around the idea of taking a job that required you to permanently leave the country for a while. Maybe you could fall in love with a nice coast side in Italy or a small Cafe in France.

You didn't notice the sound of your front door opening or the footsteps in your apartment. Your eyes were already so heavy. The steam of the shower only made the low lullaby of sleeper louder in your mind.

Sleep and everything will be better.

>>>

You woke up the next morning in your bed. The bright sun burned your eyes as you blinked away the foggy feeling of sleep that still lingered around you. Your brain felt like a pile of mush as you reached for the bottle of water you kept on your side table.

How did you even get to bed?

The last few days had blurred together into a muddy picture. Everything jumbled together; drinks, painting, TV, organizing your kitchen, looking at apartments in foreign countries online.

"Morning!" Your brother chirped happily as he walked into your room.

You could have literally jumped out of your skin. You screamed, loudly, almost falling out of the bed.

"What the fuck!"

"I came back last night and you were asleep in the shower!" He said like you were the dumb one. "A thank you would be nice."

"Why are you in my apartment?" You asked, but only received the blankest of stares back. You knew why he was here. "I don't want to hear it."

"Too bad. Obviously, you need to hear it 'cause your apartment smells like a bar and you haven't talked to anyone in almost a week." He shrugged as he sat on the edge of your bed. The black ball of fur you'd eventually have to give back to your neighbor wasn't far behind him. Small black paws circled around you before he found a place to sleep comfortably.

"This sucks." You mumbled after a bit of silence. You could tell Jack didn't want to push you. Usually, this was a thing Tommy would handle but for some reason, the tribe had sacrificed Jack to be the emotional voice of reason this time.

"You know," he said as his hand ran through Marshmallow's fur. His teeth bit the inside of his lip as he debated what to say for a second before continuing. "you could just admit you were in the wrong and go apologize. I mean, you clearly fucking regret it."

"I don't." You answered so quickly even Marshmallow didn't believe you. His green eyes stared in lazy disbelief. "I mean I do but… I don't know, Jack. It's weird 'cause I'm so sad but… what if this never gets better? What if it's always like this? Like, we're always struggling to be a normal couple?"

"You're not a normal couple so why would you try to act like one?"

Your eyes shot to his at the words that poured out of his mouth so carefully. You'd never thought of it that way before. Your brows furrowed as you stared back at the bed.

Was there a chance for you to make this work with them?

"Look, Y/N, relationships are fucking hard no matter what but you can't just… walk out on people before they get a chance to hurt you."

"I didn't."

"You did. It's kind of your thing, you know?" He smiled softly to you. Not condescending or in a know it all way, in the way only a sibling could without getting smacked. "Not that it doesn't make sense but if they made you happy, maybe you should try to hear their side of it."

"When did you become the smart brother?" You teased with that wide smile across your face.

"Right after I came out of the closet."

"Shut up." You said through a laugh. The first one you'd had in days. That weight that laid on your chest seemed to have lifted a small amount.

Maybe, just maybe, you could talk this through with them.

>>>

You stood on the same doorstep you angrily stormed across not even a week ago. The pink door that you used to love, suddenly felt like a door to the electric chair.

Maybe you couldn't do this.

You sighed, your eyes darting back to the old Camero you loved just a little too much. Arms crossed over your chest to keep you warm as you stood in your place. You knew you couldn't go back to your apartment this quickly without getting asked questions.

Raphael, Jack, Tomás, and Jason were all waiting for your post-breakup meltdown if this didn't go well. Each one said they'd stay with you on rotation shifts until you felt better if you needed it.

Which was sweet, but you kind of wanted to rot in silence and alcohol if this went as badly as you thought it was going to.

Your tongue grew thick as your stomach churned. Your eyes closed as you sighed heavily, your ass plopped down on his front steps, head rested in your hands.

You didn't know where to even start when it came to talking to them. Your feelings were hurt but you shouldn't have walked out without giving them a chance to explain. You didn't want to feel like the odd man out but didn't want to broadcast your relationship.

The whole thing was messy and complicated. You wished so hard that it'd be easy. That talking about what you felt would be easy.

But you knew it wasn't, it never was, at least not for you. You shoved all your emotions down and kept chugging along your whole life. You pretended everything was fine, even when it wasn't. Which was exactly what ended you up here in the first place.

If you would have told them sooner they would have ended the PR shit.

"Hi." The thick accent from behind you startled your thoughts for a second but you didn't turn around. Your fingers messed with the edge of the rip in your jeans as your eyes focused on the crack in his sidewalk.

"Hi." You said quietly after what felt like a full minute of silence. You heard him let out a small sigh, his feet shuffled forward until he sat down quietly beside you.

You tried to not look at him, knowing if you did you'd burst out into tears. So you stayed focused on the ground, the dead leaves that floated along the road, the grass that was getting crunchy from the cold weather.

"Y/N, 'M-" he started but you waved your hand to get him to stop. Your head rested against his shoulder that tensed up from your touch.

You didn't want to talk for a second, just a second. You breathed in the familiar smell of him, the cologne he always wore was faint on his skin. The sleep shirt he wore was your favorite, you realized. The blue sweatshirt always made his eyes look so beautiful.

"I missed you." You said into his shoulder. Your lips brushed against the soft fabric as you spoke.

"'M missed yeh too." His voice cracked as he rested his cheek against the top of your head. His fingers laced through yours as you moved closer into the warmth of him. "Flor's inside if y'wanna talk."

You sighed, you knew you needed to talk, knew you had to talk about it. You just didn't want to. The feel of him being close to you again, the intoxicating smell of him near.

Your head lifted from his sweatshirt, only to see how rough he'd been doing himself the last few days. His bloodshot green eyes had large bags under them. His scruff on his face, messy brown curls. He'd done just as bad as you.

You only caught sight of his lips for a second before saying fuck it. Talking could happen later, you'd missed him so much.

Your lips pressed against his with a force that knocked him backwards for a second but you didn't care. No, this was the most "at home" you'd felt in days.

He felt like home.

His lips molded to yours so perfectly, once he got a hold of himself. His hand slipped to the back of your neck to pull you closer to him.

Your heart felt like it was going to pound out of your chest as your lips parted, welcoming him back.

He pulled you up with him. His hands around your waist, lips still connected with yours as he walked the pair of you inside.

You wished you could slow down the moment. The way he was holding you tightly to him, like he never wanted to let you go again. The fleeting feelings ran through your mind but they all ended the same way.

You fucking loved him, so much.

All your energy was going into not crying from your surge of emotions. The rush of adrenaline was intoxicating, your shaky hands danced in the messy tangle of his unkempt brown curls as you tried to hold onto that shred of sanity you had left.

"I missed you." You breathed out when you came up for air. His forehead pressed against yours, his body crowded yours to the wall. "God, I fucking missed you."

He chuckled, a slight smile on his now swollen lips but you couldn't help it. It was the only thing your brain could come up with besides how sorry you were for not giving him a chance to explain.

"Miss me any?" Her voice made you look around Harry. Her arms crossed over her chest but that hint of a smile smoothed across her lips as she leaned on the doorway that led to the entry.

"Wanna see how much I missed you both?"

>>>

Maybe this wasn't necessarily the healthiest way to deal with your problems as a couple. But at this moment you could have cared less what a therapist would say about your tendency to avoid things that were important.

You laid on your back, your legs wide open, toes digging into the mattress as Florence's tongue pressed a wide thick lick through your folds. Circling around your bundle of nerves before slipping into you.

You would have moaned out loud, if it wasn't for the dick rammed down your throat. Your head laid off the side of the bed, your vision upside down as Harry's pulsating member slid down your open and waiting mouth. His hand around your neck, squeezing himself.

"Missed fuckin' yeh throat, pup." He groaned out as his hips snapped against your spit soaked face. He backed out long enough for you to catch your breath before shoving his way back in. Your abused throat would hate you for this in the morning but right now you didn't care.

"Feel good, baby?" Flor asked as her finger curved inside of you, hitting that sweet spot that always made your eyes roll back. She didn't have to ask if it felt good, she knew it did, she just wanted the bragging rights of who gave you the better orgasm of the night.

Harry's member pulled out of your throat. You tried your best to catch your breath as he crouched down to your level. His hands doing the best they could to wipe away all the saliva that ran down your cheeks. Playful green eyes met yours.

"Gonna cum, sweetheart?" He asked even though he really didn't need to. The sound of your moans alone was enough to tell you were close.

"Mhm." Was all you managed to get out, your hands threaded through Florence hair as her mouth joined her fingers. Your eyes closed as you got closer to your high, your skin raised in goosebumps as she did that fucking flicking, swirl, of her tongue that always did you in.

"Good, 'm gonna make you cum harder than that." Harry's words faded in your mind as that crashing sensation washed you away.

Florence scoffed as her head lifted from between your legs. The back of her hand wiped your juices away as she rolled her eyes at Harry.

"Good fucking luck trying to top that one."

"Guys," you groaned, your hand over your eyes. "Supposed to be makeup sex, not a competition."

"Can be both." Harry mumbled under his breath, quietly, but you still caught it. Your eyes glared at him as you turned around on the bed.

"Shut up." You mumbled as you reached forward, your hands around his neck as you brought him up to your level. Your mouth enveloped his quickly to stop the argument.

You pulled him onto the bed with you two. His knees hitting the edge before climbing up the rest of the way as your tongue took control of this kiss. It didn't happen often but when it did you ran with the opportunity. His mouth following your lead until you pulled away slightly, your teeth catching his bottom lip softly causing him to moan.

"Fuck," he cursed as you pulled away that sweet smile on your face like you didn't know that he loved that.

Florence came behind the pair of you, her lips pressed against your shoulder, up your neck, small love bites left here and there before she took the chance to kiss you when Harry pulled away. Her hands pulled on your waist, tugging you down to the bed to lay on your back.

"Ready?" She asked as Harry stroked himself, the nod of your head was all he needed to hoist your legs up. His pulsing tip ran through your folds as you reached for Florence, your arms wrapped around her thighs as you pulled her down on your mouth.

Harry continued to tease your opening. His tip slipping in and out of you easily as your tongue ran rapid through Florence's pussy. Her wetness was almost to the point of dripping down your face. You groaned as you pulled her by her thighs down harder onto you as your tongue circled into her hole. Fuck, you missed her taste.

You heard the sounds of their kissing, her moans, before he finally pushed his way into you. Your walls clinging around him immediately, pulling him closer into you, making him hiss lowly.

"Jesus, she always so fuckin' tight." His hands embedded themselves into your thighs as he held you open for him. His fingers pulled back the lips of your pussy briefly before you felt Florence shift forward, her core off your mouth as her tongue circled your clit.

Your loud, unabashed moans filled the room. Your mind clouded with nothing but desire and lust, barely functioning at all. Thoughts weren't making sense, you were going based on instinct when your fingers slipped into her cunt that was inches in front of your face.

Harry's grunt and groans as he fucked into your tight cave halted for a moment, his erection pulled out of you briefly. The unmistakable sounds of your girlfriend choking on your boyfriends cock filled the room.

You moaned at the sound, your core clenched as your fingers finally twisted into the right angle. Her velvet walls pulled you in as she tried her best to keep breathing around Harry's thick member.

"Fuck, keep doing that." He panted, accent thick, voice deep with pleasure as you hit that spot in her again. A flood of her arousal coated your fingers as she let out another loud moan, her body slacked on top of you as Harry pulled out of her throat.

You weren't prepared for when he thrusted himself back into you. Your moan cracked as you gripped tightly onto Florence's thighs.

"Told yeh I was gonna make you cum harder." He mumbled as Florence let out a laugh. She rolled over to lay beside you, her lips lazily kissing yours the best they could through Harry's rough thrusts into you.

"Make her cum harder than I did and you can cuddle her tonight." Florence smirked, her hands ran over your hair as you pouted.

"Deal."

"Hey! I wanted to cuddle both of you." Your head shot off the bed as you glared at the both of them, who were both very very clearly taking their competition too far.

Leave them alone for four days and you come back to them acting like children.

"Tomorrow night, sweetheart. I got somethin' prove." Harry smiled as he leaned down to you, his lips capturing yours before you could protest, a roll of his hips had you moaning.

Maybe this bet wasn't that bad.

"Yeah, proving I'm better." Florence scoffed again, adding fuel to the fire as her hand leisurely traveled between her legs. A soft moan passed through her lips as Harry basically growled at her through his teeth.

You rolled your eyes at her as she gave you a shrug and a smile. His length pulled out of you again as he lifted you up, switching you over to be on top of him.

He was pushed back into you in less than a second, his hands grasping the round flesh of your ass tightly as he leaned you forward into his chest. His legs pushed himself upwards, hitting your sweet spot every single time.

You were thankful he pulled you into his chest. Your moans rolled easily as his hands dug deeper into your skin, you were teetering on the edge with in minutes. His gruff groans as his sensitive pulsating member pushed into you only added fuel to the fire.

"Come 'ere, baby." He said as he slowed down his punishing pace his hand left your bum, fingers slipped into Florence's mouth for only a few seconds before finding their way back to you.

The pressure from his finger prodding into your back hole had your eyes rolling in the back of your head. The deep, low, sound that resonated in the bottom of your chest had a smug grin on Harry's face.

He knew he'd won.

His finger and along with his cock fucked into you until you could hardly register your own name. You could feel your heart beating in your core, your nipples so sensitive you could barely stand to have them brush against his own chest.

Harry hummed as you seemed to lose yourself in the feeling of your mounting high. Florence's hand between her legs, stroking herself faster as her lips pressed to Harry's.

You felt a pressure in your stomach you'd never felt before, building and building, ready to bust any second. You didn't even have time to warn him when you felt the dam release. Your head floated in the clouds as your juices ran down him, soaking the bed.

"Well, fuck, I've never made her do that." Florence mumbled after Harry's final thrust into you. His gloating laugh filled the room as you laid limp.

"Told yeh so." He cooed as his hand ran down your back in soothing circles. Florence kissed softly on your shoulder, your arm, wherever until your eyes finally focused on her.

"You okay?" She asked as she brushed away the hair that was stuck to your face.

"Mhm, wanna sleep." You whined, your head pressed into Harry's shoulder tightly as you felt him soften inside of you. Your hips shifted to move off him but his hand quickly pressed your ass down again.

"Go to sleep, darlin'." He kissed the top of your head before he nuzzled into your. Florence arm wrapped around the both of you as Harry opened one arm for her to cuddle into his side.

>>>

"Mornin', sweetheart." Harry hummed as he rounded the corner to his kitchen. A quick kiss placed on Florence's lips before he picked up the cup of tea she already had made for him.

"Morning." She mumbled into her cup. Her legs pulled up beside her as she sat on the counter.

"Wot's wrong?" He paused before taking a sip, his eyes studying her as she sighed.

"It's just…" she stared at the coffee pot that hadn't been used in a week. The steaming brown liquid dripped into the vessel below it. She sighed, shaking her head. "I woke up this morning and the first thing I did was make sure she didn't leave again."

Harry's eyes softened, his hand ran through her hair, lips pressed to her forehead. Trying his best to comfort her which is what he tried, and usually failed, at doing all week long.

"We'll talk to her, okay?"

Flor nodded her head, her lips pressed to his one last time as they heard the door to the bedroom creak open. A shirt you'd taken out of Harry's closet hit your knees as you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes.

"Morning." You said as you gave both of them a kiss, your eyes more trained to the pot of delicious coffee than either one of their faces.

"Y/N?" Florence asked as you poured your first cup, the smell wafting into your senses had your knees almost buckling.

"Yeah, baby?" You asked without turning around. The glass pressed to your swollen lips from all of last nights kissing, the warm mug felt like a relief to them.

"Can, uhm," she started, you finally turned around to see her looking uncomfortable. Her tongue wet her lips, eyes glanced to Harry before she continued. "can we talk, you know… about everything now?"

"Right, yeah of course, we should… just-" You could feel the nerves pit in your stomach growing as you nodded towards the table. The three of you sat in your usual chairs, your usual mugs in your hands, but it wasn't an usual morning.

No, now you actually had to talk about what was bothering you.

"Right." Harry said, hoping to get the conversation started with already but the room was dead silent.

"Right." You repeated mostly to fill the awkward silence that was growing thicker in the room by the second. You could feel your ears rushing, the room was so quiet. No TV to drown out the weird atmosphere, no music to cover up the fact you had to talk about what happened.

"So, I guess 'm gonna start." Harry said after he glanced at the both of you two, seeing he was going to have to get the ball rolling on this whole thing.

"Yeh know 'm really, really, sorry 'bout the Gemma stuff. I was gonna tell her the next week after the last interview but she decided to come in early and surprise me." Your lips rolled in your mouth as you listened to him. You knew the whole time you sat in your apartment, drunk, that a version of this was what happened. "And I didn't want yeh to get hurt and 'm so sorry it seemed like I was hiding yeh away from people."

You could feel the start of tears in your eyes. You sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down from a blubbering meltdown that was about to happen. Which you might have been able to avoid if his hand didn't wrap itself around yours from across the table.

"Just," you sighed, your hand squeezed his as you tried to wipe away the tears that rolled down your cheek. "Just, I should have said it was bothering me before it got to that point and I'm sorry I didn't and I blew up then walked out."

"It's okay." Florence said softly, her other hand laced through your free one. "But… maybe, we should agree to talk about stuff a bit more."

"Yeah, think that would probably be good." Harry agreed as he scooted forward in his chair, his hand wiped away the rest of your tears. "So, yeh gonna stay, right?"

You smiled up to him, your hand laced tighter through Florence's fingers as you nodded your head.

Yeah, you think you'd stay with them.

430 notes · View notes

beifongsss · 4 years

Text

playing with fire pt. 7 [sokka]

Pairing: Sokka x reader

Summary: You’re a Fire Nation citizen who saves Sokka and Katara from some angry villagers. Aang “convinces” you to come along with them, finding your knowledge of the nation useful. Not everything is smooth sailing though as both Water Tribe siblings have their doubts about you.

this will be a series :D this is a filler tbh set in the serpent’s pass

w.c.~3.1k

prologue. one. two. three. four. five. six.

.masterlist.

if you want to be added to the taglist PLEASE use the taglist form in my bio!

It had been a few days since the truth had been revealed and things had only gotten rougher.

As you trudged through the desert with the rest of your group, you couldn’t help but think about just how twisted the relationships between you were. Tensions between you and the Water Tribe siblings were still sky high and the only people talking to you were two twelve year olds. Things on Toph’s end hadn’t gotten any better considering Aang blamed her for losing Appa. During the sky bison heist, you had been outside the library with Toph but had been knocked unconscious before the fight even began. As pissed as the group was with you, this was something that they couldn’t blame you for.

You still couldn’t help but feel guilty, knowing that blaming Toph wasn’t the right thing to do. She was so young, she definitely didn’t need that type of pressure placed upon her. Aang had been so upset that he had flown off to who knows where, claiming that he would be able to find Appa on his own.

Things had come to a head when you all encountered the sandbenders again and Toph had told Aang that she recognized one of their voices. After finding out that they had muzzled Appa, Aang had entered the Avatar State and attacked before Katara managed to calm him down. It was then decided that the group would travel to Ba Sing Se and look for the sky bison there.

And that’s how the five of you found yourselves at the Full Moon Bay ferry station, tagging along with a family as you tried to get to the famed city.

“I can’t believe how many people’s lives have been uprooted by the Fire Nation,” Katara commented casually, shooting you an unreadable look before glancing at the people who were anxiously waiting to escape to Ba Sing Se. You looked down uneasily, clenching your fists as you tried to ignore her words.

You all approached the ticket lady, cowering slightly when she snapped at Aang and Sokka before Toph stepped forwards confidently. She placed something on the counter before glancing up. “My name is Toph Beifong and I’ll need five tickets.”

The lady’s eyes widened at the sight of the flying boar before glancing at all of you. “Ah, the golden seal of the flying boar! It is my pleasure to help anyone of the Beifong family.”

“It is your pleasure. As you can see, I am blind and these three imbeciles are my valets,” Toph stated plainly before turning to point to you. “And she is my most trusted companion.”

“But the animal-”

“That’s her seeing eye lemur,” you quickly interrupted, ignoring Aang’s snort. “She needs him with her at all times.”

Momo chittered quietly, nuzzling against Toph’s neck to add dramatic effect.

“Well, normally it's only one ticket per passport, but this document is so official ... I guess it's worth five tickets,” the lady commented, stamping five tickets and handing them over.

“Thank you very much,” you said, smiling softly as you gathered the tickets and guided Toph away.

You all walked away, Sokka commenting on how cool it was that Toph was able to scam the lady. You were trying to tune out his words before silence ensued and you turned to see Sokka being held back by a guard.

“Tickets and passports please.”

“Is there a problem?” you asked politely, catching Katara’s panicked gaze and giving her a simple nod. You stepped up next to Sokka, avoiding his surprised gaze. The girl looked at you briefly before turning back to Sokka.

“Yeah! Is there a problem?” Sokka asked, repeating your words as he tried to stay calm.

“Yeah, I got a problem with you! I've seen your type before. Probably sarcastic, think you're hilarious and let me guess, you're traveling with the Avatar,” the girl said. You exchanged a scared glance with Katara.

“Do I know you?” Sokka asked, leaning in slightly to get a better look at the girl.

“You mean you don’t remember? Maybe you’ll remember this!” the girl leaned in suddenly, placing a brief kiss on Sokka’s cheek. His eyes widened almost comically and he casted a panicked look at you, only to see you looking down as you turned and walked away.

“Suki!” Sokka exclaimed, rushing forwards and gathering the Kyoshi Warrior up in his arms.

“Sokka! It’s so good to see you,” Suki replied, hugging him back tightly. Greetings were exchanged as the Gaang reunited with their old friend, with the exception of Toph. Noticing the way you had abruptly left, she went after you, finding you seated alone as you stared off at the water.

“What’s wrong, Princess?” Toph asked, coming to a stop next to you. “Are you really moping over him?”

You smiled softly at Toph’s words. “I don’t know, shortcake. I guess so.”

Toph sighed dramatically as she leaned against the railing, turning to face you. “If you really like him you can go talk to him. Or fight for him.”

Copying Toph’s actions, you turned around, your back now against the railing. Your gaze landed on the pretty girl standing in front of Sokka, watching her as she smiled widely. “She’s pretty.”

“And?” Toph replied, crossing her arms and huffing lightly.

“I’m not going to fight for him,” you muttered. Toph opened her mouth to argue but you quietly shushed her. “They’re right, Toph. I’m Fire Nation and I can’t change that no matter how hard I try. I’m going to try and do my part to help Aang defeat the Fire Lord but when the war is over, I can’t simply go on and live my life. I’m either going to have to return to the capital and claim the throne or I’m going to be hunted down as a traitor to my nation. I can’t be focusing on my dumb feelings when there are bigger things at stake.”

Toph hummed lightly before she punched you in the arm. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard you say but whatever. C’mon let’s get going, Princess.”

You rubbed your arm before trailing after the small girl, noticing that the family that had arrived with you was frantically talking to Aang. The group moved over to the ticket lady and you could faintly hear Aang arguing with her before turning and walking back over to the family dejectedly.

Five minutes later, you all found yourselves walking back the way you had come from. Nervous glances were exchanged all around as Aang declared that he was going to lead you all through the Serpent’s Pass, and you found yourself lagging behind in order to make sure that no one was getting left behind.

“Hi.”

You looked over to your left to see the girl from before: Suki. She had joined the group after changing into a green dress, makeup covering her face in a style reminiscent of Avatar Kyoshi’s. You nodded softly, acknowledging her presence as you came to a stop.

“We haven’t met yet,” she continued, shooting you a wide grin as she stood next to you. “I’m Suki!”

“I’m (Y/N),” you introduced yourself before bowing deeply. “It is an honor to meet a Kyoshi Warrior.”

A blush spread across Suki’s cheeks, partially hidden by her white face paint.She smiled bashfully, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she started to walk slowly. “You’re too kind. Really, there’s nothing special about us.”

“I beg to differ,” you replied quietly, walking next to her. “Kyoshi was a powerful Avatar. Your group is equally as amazing.”

Suki opened her mouth to reply only to be cut off when the ground underneath Than, the man you were traveling with, gave away. Toph reacted instantly, bending a piece of the cliff out in order to catch the man.

“I’m okay!”

“They’ve spotted us!” Sokka yelled, pointing to the Fire Nation ship that Suki had pointed out earlier. “Let’s go!”

Aang took off into the air on his glider, deflecting the fireball that was coming your way. It crashed into the cliff behind you, sending multiple large chunks of rock flying everywhere. You heard Suki yelp lightly and looked over to see multiple chunks of earth heading her way. Without thinking twice, you threw yourself at her, tackling her and sending the both of you out of harm’s way. You landed roughly, your body curling around Suki’s to protect her from any wayward debris before Toph came in to save the day. Suki was the first to sit up, throwing her arms around you as she muttered multiple ‘thank you’s’. You hesitantly wrapped your arms around her waist, helping her up before separating and brushing yourself off.

“It was nothing,” you replied quietly, shooting the girl a small smile. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Suki! Are you okay?” Sokka asked worriedly, rushing over and wrapping the girl up into a tight hug. “You have to be more careful! Come on!”

Suki gave you a warm smile as she was pulled away by Sokka, leaving you standing alone with Toph. The earth bender turned to you, opening her mouth to make a comment that you had no doubt would be sarcastic. You quickly spoke before she could. “Thanks for saving my life Toph.”

“Now that’s what I like to hear, Princess.”

The group had settled down for the night, exhausted after running from the Fire Nation. You were unrolling your sleeping bag, sighing softly as you searched for a decent spot to set up in. Your eyes drifted to Suki, who was placing her sleeping bag down a little aways from you before it was pulled away by Sokka.

“Suki, you shouldn't sleep there. Who knows how stable this ledge is, it could give away at any moment!”

Suki looked at Sokka with concern, following him as he walked away from the ledge. “Sokka, I’m fine! Stop worrying! Besides, (Y/N) no doubt had a bigger scare today. Fuss over her instead.”

Sokka ignored her words and you looked down, setting your sleeping bag down close to where Suki was originally going to place hers. Ignoring everyone else, you slipped into it, curling into a small ball as you stared up at the moon. You felt all your worries subside as you fell into a deep sleep, a small smile spreading across your face as you mentally thanked Yue for being there for you.

When you woke up, you felt well-rested and refreshed and ready to reach Ba Sing Se. Once again, you trailed behind everyone else, keeping an eye out for any Fire Nation ships that could be tracking you. You were so distracted that you didn’t notice everyone coming to a stop, causing you to bump into Sokka’s back before tumbling to the ground. You muttered out a soft sorry, picking yourself up when he ignored your words.

“Everyone, single file!” Katara called out, her eyebrows furrowed as she noticed that the path in front of her was underwater. “Aang I need help!”

Katara proceeded to bend the water out of the way, clearing a path for your group as Aang conjured up a large air bubble to surround you. You chuckled softly when you noticed Momo’s curious gaze aimed at the water, a full blown laugh escaping you as he dived into the water to chase the fish. Your laughter died down when he leapt out of the water, clutching onto you as he curled himself around your neck.

“What’s wrong, Momo?” you asked, softly scratching the back of his ears. He was trembling, chittering softly as he hid his face in your neck. You glanced at the walls of water surrounding you, flinching when you saw a large shadow pass you on your left. “G-Guys?”

“What is that thing?” Katara whispered, also noticing the large shadow. The thing in the water broke through the walls Katara had created, forcing Toph to bend the earth and send you all back up above the water level.

“I think I just figured out why they call it the Serpent's Pass!” Sokka yelped, stumbling as the serpent sprung out of the water with a large screech. “Suki, you know about giant sea monsters, make it go away!”

“Just because I live near the unagi doesn’t mean I’m an expert,” the girl retorted, panic clear on her face.

Sokka walked over to you, taking Momo from around your neck and holding him up. “Oh great and powerful sea serpent, please accept this humble and tasty offering. Thank you.”

“Sokka!” you and Katara cried in unison, irritated expressions on both of your faces.

“I’ll distract it!” Aang yelled. “Katara, get everyone else across!”

Katara nodded, creating an ice trail for all of you. Everyone sprinted across, leaving only you and Toph standing on the chunk of earth she had sent up earlier. You took a deep breath and began to walk across, pausing when you realized Toph wasn’t following.

“Toph!” Sokka yelled from the other side. “Come on, it’s just ice.”

“Actually, I'm going to stay on my little island, where I can see!” Toph replied. You turned back, noticing that the serpent was approaching. You quickly lunged for Toph, grabbing her hand and tugging her behind you just as the serpent hit the earth she was previously standing on.

“Sorry, shortcake,” you said quietly, gripping her hand tightly. “We need to get across. I won’t let you go.”

Toph nodded meekly, gripping onto you as you proceeded to move forwards. You were moving slowly but surely, trying to focus on not being taken by surprise by the serpent.

“You’re doing great! Just follow that sound of my voice,” Sokka yelled, watching the two of you closely.

“Well it’s kind of hard to ignore!” Toph yelled back, causing you to let out a snort.

“You’re almost there!”

Just as Sokka said those words, the serpent reappeared and crushed the ice trail. The impact separated you and Toph, sending the two of you flying in opposite directions. Toph fell into the water unceremoniously and you found yourself landing on the tough rocks that the rest of your group was standing on. You scrambled to your feet, ignoring everyone’s worried looks before frantically searching for Toph. You could see her bobbing up and down a bit away, struggling to stay afloat.

“Help! Help! I can’t swim!” Toph yelled out, causing everyone to panic. You noticed Sokka taking off his shoes and Suki getting ready to jump but before they could, you launched yourself into the water, desperate to reach Toph in time. Everyone watched with bated breath as you reached the small girl, grabbing onto her and pulling her up so she could breathe.

“I got you,” you whispered, already starting to head back to the group. Toph clung onto you, gasping for air.

“Thank you, (Y/N)” she whispered back, hugging you tightly. You smiled softly, glad that she was now safe. You reached the rocks quickly enough, being helped up by Suki. Aang and Katara quickly rejoined the group, having taken care of the serpent for the time being. With a small cheer, you all kept going, smiling widely when you saw the walls of Ba Sing Se.

Of course, nothing ever goes according to plan and you soon found yourself sitting alone while Katara and Suki helped Ying give birth. Hope was born soon enough, all of you cooing over the newborn as Aang stepped away from the group.

“I promise I’ll find Appa as fast as I can,” you heard Aang say as you approached him and Katara. “I just really need to do this.”

“See you in the big city,” Sokka whispered.

“Say hi to the big fuzzball for me,” Toph chirped.

“Stay safe. Please,” you said, stumbling back when Aang threw himself at you and hugged you tightly.

“You’ll find him, Aang,” Katara said, smiling sadly.

“I know. Thank you, Katara,” Aang said, letting you go. “You ready, Momo?”

With a chirp from Momo, the two of them took off. It was silent after their departure and you suddenly felt more awkward than you had in a long time. Without Aang, you were left with Toph and two people who you were sure hated you. Sokka stood off to the side, talking quietly with Suki. You couldn’t help but watch them, not noticing Katara sidle up to you. Your heart fully broke when Sokka lurched forwards, connecting his lips with Suki’s as the girl wrapped her arms around him.

“They’re cute together, aren’t they?” Katara asked quietly, turning to face you with an unreadable look. “She’s good for him. Don’t ruin it.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” you breathed, trying to ignore the tears that wanted to well up in your eyes. “You have nothing to worry about, Katara, I know I don’t deserve someone like him.”

Katara’s expression softened as you walked away, gathering up your stuff before you continued to walk along the path. You had barely gotten more than a few steps away before you were stopped by a hand on your wrist. You turned slowly to face Suki, a determined look on her face. You looked at her curiously, tilting your head to the side as you waited for her to speak.

“Come with me,” she breathed, taking you by surprise.

“W-What?”

“Come with me,” she repeated more confidently. “The Kyoshi Warriors could always use someone like you. You’re strong and care about others. Join me.”

You paused for a few seconds, looking around at your companions (who were pretending to mind their own business) before facing her once more. Toph was the only one who would miss you and you knew that the Water Tribe siblings wanted you gone. Aang would find you eventually; they would tell him you had joined Suki. You nodded once, causing Suki to smile excitedly and pull you away. You dug your heels into the ground, stopping her before you could get any further.

“Suki. Before I go with you, you need to know-”

“That you’re the Fire Nation crown princess?” Suki interrupted. You looked up at her, bewildered. “I’ve seen the family portraits, silly. I know you’re the princess but I don’t care. You saved my life and you saved Toph and you’ve been helping Aang out for a while. I don’t care about your family. You’re a good person and I want you to join the Kyoshi Warriors.”

Overwhelmed by her words, you hugged her tightly. You nodded once again, tears dripping down your face as you laughed lightly.

“Okay. I’ll join the Kyoshi warriors.”

taglist!

atla: @musicalkeys, @mywigglybaby, @aangsupremacy, @iguessthefloorislava, @dekahg, @boxofteenageideas, @bottledcostcowater, @butterflycore, @coldlilheart, @the-firebender-girl, @ajediherowitchrunner, @lammello, @a—-rag, @astroninaaa, @samsmultifandomblogs, @sadskater25, @oddment-niwit-blubber-tweak, @eternallyvenus, @emberislandplayers, @sunflowerazula, @moonnei, @stilllivindue2spite, @knaite-solo, @riespage, @wastelandbbyg, @edgy-hufflepuff-bro, @a-monsters-love

pwf: @ilovespideyyy, @binaryssunsets, @existing-but-nonexistent, @milk-n-cheese, @itsthatsadbitch, @nin-tendou, @honey-ruel, @reclusive-chicken-nugget, @teenbiology, @davnwillcome, @fandomarchiveilyd, @minninugget, @sukifans, @nugget-barnes, @vintageroses1014516, @donteatmycookiesplease, @fanficdepot, @birdlovinghyena, @cipheress-to-k-pop, @my–shitty–art, @woohoney, @castalette, @lozzybowe, @spacelesbianfanclub, @macymafia, @deadsunflower01, @olsenholic, @thia-aep, @loganrwebb, @porkbumh, @awkwardnesshabitat, @romanticraccoon, @jackbamexpress, @marievanleeuw, @lunariasilver, @francesciak, @alive-ahahah-fuk, @reillykwatson, @naanlianid, @on-jah-bruh, @celia-not-cecilia, @lanie103, @heavensgaymenace, @dairy-peach, @ryryryleigh, @natsbelova, @kyoshiwcrriors

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bisexualdaemon · 3 years

Text

mad woman: iii (nessian)

a/n: *taps mic* does this thing still work? OH hey! hello! yes, this fic is properly old now and probably everyone thought I abandoned it but joke is on everyone including myself lmao...turns out I love these two..and after acosf well I would 10/10 die for them. so here we go! a ride to be sure! people do be getting naked!

warnings: 4.8k of smut (like woah). language. guilt.

Nesta wasn’t exactly sure what she was doing.

It had seemed like a good idea. Everyone in certain social circles knew the truth about Hewn City. Knew the dance club for the front it was for the shadowy bowels beneath. Here, she had thought yesterday morning, here she could be on even ground with him.

Him.

Cassian's hand was still in hers as she led them both down the long hallway toward room 3B. His words before hadn’t completely hidden his reactions to her clothes, her face, her body. She smiled to herself remembering the slight widening of his eyes. He probably thought he hadn’t reacted, but she knew. All men are weak. Just put on a dress and show some thigh and she knew she’d get his attention. Even if it was probably all for show. Cassian was a fine actor.

She thought back to four days ago. Or was it five, she thought. They had started to bleed together after the bender she’d gone on after wishing Cassian death on the phone with Amren.

Feyre was in her apartment for the second time in a week. An unprecedented occurrence. If the judgment in her eyes was any indication, she had come to check on things. Baby sister coming to her rescue. How rich. She stood on the carpet again, with her perfect heeled sandals and her tidy camel trench coat. Thankfully, she’d left the hat at home this time. Her arms were crossed tight against her chest as she surveyed the room.

“I see you’ve already made yourself at home again,” she observed, picking up a half-empty bottle of gin, “I’ll send Alis this afternoon.”

“I don’t want anyone else in my fucking apartment, Feyre,” Nesta cringed at the lingering slur in her voice.

“So you can drown yourself in this shit alone?” She held up an empty bottle of vodka in her other hand. “Nesta, it’s only been a few days since I was here the last time. Can you even stand right now?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Nesta sneered, settling back into the couch cushions. She couldn’t, but Feyre was a bitch for even asking, so she spat back, “At least I cope with my problems legally, High Lady.” In a fantasy world, smoke would have curled from her lips when she exhaled those last words.

Feyre stilled, breathing evenly. Nesta wasn’t sure if she was containing her rage or accepting the shame she had to be feeling.

“I see you gave Amren a call.”

“She didn’t tell you?” Nesta was surprised. Amren had seemed like one of Feyre’s inner circle, no matter how much money the High Lord and Lady may have given her.

“No, I told Amren that what you did with her number was your business,” she wrung her hands. She was….nervous. How odd. Feyre Archeron was a lot of things, but nervous was rarely one of them.

“Well,” Nesta exhaled, the anger fleeting like wind taken out of her sails, “yes, I called. Everything was very cryptic until someone showed up here who was not a therapist and started taking his clothes off. Honestly, what were you thinking, Feyre?!”

“I…” she hesitated, sinking down on the other end of the couch with Nesta, bracing her elbows on her knees, “I don’t know. I was desperate. I just want you to feel something again, Nes.” She hadn’t called her that since they were children. Nesta felt a little pang in her chest. I need another drink. “I know it’s...unconventional, but it really does help. Rhys and I...well, you know there’s a lot of stress involved in our lives.”

“So you fuck it out with strangers that you pay to keep silent??” Nesta asked incredulously.

“When you put it like that it sounds a lot seedier than it actually is, but,” she huffed, swallowing back some kind of emotion, “yes. There’s a lot of….relief, if you just give into it. Amren knows what she’s doing.”

“Are you and Rhys having problems?” It was the only explanation Nesta could understand for this. I mean it was one thing to hire a hooker if you weren’t getting any, but from the forced lunches and “sister dates” that Elain made the three of them go on, Feyre had always seemed to have a very active sex life.

“Oh, God, no,” Feyre visibly relaxed, caught off guard by even the implication. That made Nesta’s stomach relax. She hadn’t even realized she cared. “Rhys and I are fine, stronger even. There is power in giving up power, especially when you grapple with it on a daily basis. But this isn’t about me or Rhys.” Feyre leaned over and reached out to take Nesta’s hands, but stopped when Nesta visibly tensed at the mere idea of contact. “I’m really not lying when I say I think a little relief would help you.”

“Why do you insist I need help?” Nesta ground out through her teeth.

Feyre sighed and stood. There was something settling over her face, deep in her eyes. Sadness. “Suit yourself, sister.” She stood and, to Nesta’s surprise, took a swig from the half-empty gin bottle she’d pushed in Nesta’s face earlier. Her face screwed up in a grimace, “Jesus, how do you drink that shit?”

“I don’t even taste it anymore.” Nesta looked off, toward the window. Toward the empty corner where the wedding dress had hung for months. She’d taken it down that night after he had left.

That bone-deep sadness returned to Feyre’s eyes, “Alis will be here this afternoon.”

She left without another word.

Nesta sighed, catching Cassian’s attention, but she said nothing. She kept a steady flow of booze in her veins after Feyre left for three more days, sometimes just laying in bed for hours while the world spun. She saw Tomas, saw Elain, but most often she saw hazel eyes and bold, dark lines inked across a broad, tanned chest. Those were the torturous hours, when the desire would rise in her, when she would feel something just like Feyre said. Even if it made her soul burn. He was haunting her. He’d left her alone, angry and wet, for what? Because she refused to accept his “help”? Wasn’t this all just fucking anyway? What difference did it make how she responded?

The frustration had overwhelmed her until she finally realized that it didn’t matter how much she drank, he wouldn’t go away. She couldn’t chase him into a whiskey-soaked oblivion like she could the memories of her fiancé and her sister. He was real. He was still breathing. He was making her life a living hell.

He was going to pay for it.

So, she’d called Amren back. Had made him meet her here of all places. Had put on a dress and a pair of heels and more makeup than she’d been planning to wear at her own wedding. A costume. A mask. If he was going to “help” her, at least it wouldn’t seem like her that he was helping. She’d fuck him out of her life on her terms. Just once wouldn’t damn her to hell, right?

Nesta had never been to Hewn City before. Clubbing had never been her style. She was more of a library, bookworm kind of girl. But now that she was here, she kind of liked the secrecy of it all, the discretion everyone had whispered about. It made her feel like a character in one of her books, a different kind of escape than booze offered, with the rouge-tinted lights and shadowy, padded hallways. She could be anyone here. She would be anyone here. Anyone but herself.

“I think this is it,” Cassian’s deep rumble sounded behind her. They stopped in front of a painted black door, the marker flickering “3B” in the light of the candle sconce behind them. Nesta fit the key into the lock and turned it.

The room was cooler than the hall, but she wasn’t sure the temperature was what made her break out in gooseflesh. There was a massive four-poster bed in the center of the room covered in black satin sheets drawn back against a deep crimson comforter. Only a handful of hanging exposed bulbs lit the space, giving the boudoir decoration some industrial finishes. It was like a scene out of some vampire film noir. The light reflecting off heavy restraint cuffs at each corner of the bed only heightened the effect. A dark armoire loomed in the corner. Nesta was sure that if she opened it, she would find any number of instruments with which to tease and taunt Cassian with. This place was a sex dungeon and she had paid to be a mistress tonight.

Cassian’s mistress.

Nesta took a deep breath and settled into this new character, some confident woman who knew exactly what she wanted and knew exactly how to take it from a willing participant. She sauntered over to the foot of the bed and leaned back against it to look at him. He was so quiet tonight, looking around the room like she had, taking it all in.

“Cat got your tongue?” Nesta proded.

“No,” he hesitated, stuffing his hands into his front pockets like an embarrassed school boy rocking forward on his toes. It only lasted for a second before he hid it behind a smirk, “no, just a little….confused?”

“About what?” She crossed her feet at the ankle and let the deep slit on her dress fall open, revealing almost every inch of her long legs. His eyes widened momentarily before he cleared his throat. Was he….nervous?

“Well, uhh,” he was stammering now, the false bravado unable to keep up with the situation unfolding in front of him, “if I’m being honest, I’m not sure what to do.”

“You mean, Cassian, self-proclaimed sex therapist, doesn’t know what to do?” The teasing in her voice blushed his cheeks pink, “well, color me surprised. I thought it would have been clear by now.”

“It’s not that it’s...you’re…” he cocked his head, “different.” His eyes followed every inch of bare skin from her painted toe to the top of the slit an inch below her hip. “Something changed.”

Why does he make this so damn difficult?

“Yes, well,” she replied, biting her bottom lip for effect, “I decided that I want you to help me.” His head straightened.

“Do you?” He crossed his arms over his broad chest, emphasizing the size of his biceps. His nervous energy cooled in seconds, giving way to something else, something that had been simmering beneath the ice.

“I do,” she slipped back a little farther onto her palms, tilting her head back. She was a predator, setting a pretty, needy trap for him. If he got off on a savior complex, she’d play the part until she got what she wanted. “I just want to feel normal again.” She smiled internally as she watched her words wash over him. Watched him take a few deep breaths, watched him move for the first time since they walked in the room.

He kept his body closed, his arms a barrier between the two of them, as he stalked forward. Nesta stopped breathing, feeling his gaze shift from confusion and questions to calculated assessment. He paused in front of her and bent down, his hands sinking into the mattress on either side of her slim waist. The space between them was thinner than the air atop the mountains in Illyria.

“I think…” he looked her in the eye, no blinking, no touching, just a wisp of mint from his mouth, “that’s a load of bullshit.”

A rush of fury, so white hot it blinded her, licked down her arm. She raised her open hand and ripped it through the air.

Only to be caught in an iron grip.

“Ah, ah, dear Nesta,” his lips curled up on one side, “I like a little pain with my pleasure, but not without my consent.”

All she could do was stare him down as she huffed, imagining the breath leaving her nostrils in puffs of hot smoke. A caged dragon in pretty clothes begging to get out. But hell would freeze over before she moved first. She could feel the tension between them, feel the electricity pulsing through him where his fist gripped her wrist. Maybe it was her pheromone-laced delusion but she thought he might want this as much as she did. He wanted her challenge, her adamant wall. He wanted to break her, remake her. Little did he know that you can’t break what’s already broken.

Just a character, just a role to play...

“Oh, come on, Cassian,” she tried to free her hand but he remained hard as stone around her wrist. He hadn’t pinned her legs though. She slid one bare leg up the inside seam of his jeans. The muscles flexed and contracted underneath the well-fit fabric, higher and higher, until she reached the apex. He hissed. A feline smile spread across her face when she felt it, felt him, hard and begging for her. “I think you want this a little more than you’re willing to admit, more than you’re allowed to admit.”

His nostrils flared, barely imperceptible, but even the smallest changes in him drew her notice. Why? It was a question she didn’t want to even ask herself, but it kept coming, night and day. Why did this night feel like the edge of a dangerous cliff? Why did his agreement to come tonight feel like more than just a business arrangement? Why did the tension between them feel like her only anchor to this life? She pressed harder into him, needing to move, to get this over with, to fuck him right out of her head.

“Nesta.” His voice brought her back from those questions that haunted her like the inked lines hidden underneath his t-shirt. So close now, so close to her fingers, her mouth. She looked up at him, aware of her knee still cradled between his legs.

“Cassian.” Her voice practically sang. The song of his own personal siren.

He was so still. If he hadn’t said her name she wouldn’t have been sure he was even breathing. He placed his hand between his groin and her knee and stepped backward. His pupils were wide, endless pools, black as tar and eating at the hazel surrounding them. He was drunk on the lust, drowning in it just like she was.

“Take off that dress before I rip it off.”

A bone-deep shiver ran from the crown of her head to the tips of her toes at the command, reaching back up to settle between her thighs. She flushed from the heat of his gaze on her skin as she stood, reaching behind her neck to loose the three pearl buttons between her pride and her desire. Fuck it. The dress pooled at her feet.

The corner of her lip tugged upward when she heard his breath catch. She wasn’t wearing anything under the dress. Lingerie had felt like too much and her regular cotton cheekies would have been too conspicuous beneath her close-fitting dress, so nothing had been the only choice. The right choice if Cassian’s jeans had anything to say about it, clearly growing tighter by the second.

Nesta backed herself onto the bed again, digging in with her heels to push herself toward the headboard as gracefully as she could while burning alive. And she was burning under his gaze. Every flick of his dilated pupils, from her bare legs, to her full breasts, to her smooth stomach, to her glistening cunt, she burned. When her head thudded against the carved cherry wood headboard, his eyes finally met hers. A low growl sounded in the back of his throat.

“See something you want, Cassian?” she asked, struggling to keep her tone innocent, indifferent.

“Depends, Nes.” She ignored the heat that pooled at the nickname, especially when he said, “what are you offering?”

She bit her lip at his words. And spread her knees open for him. Now, come and take it.

He went wholly still as pink creeped into his tan cheeks. He was fucking blushing at her cunt on display for him. A filthy thought entered her head and before she could shut it down, she reached between her legs and traced a finger over her slit. The low lights flickered in the reflection off the wetness laced there before her finger disappeared….

Right between Nesta’s wine-colored lips.

His eyes tracked that finger in and out of her mouth as she sucked and swirled her tongue around it, moaning at the taste of her arousal, the eroticism of the gesture. She released her finger with a pop and smiled wickedly at him.

“Want to taste?”

Cassian moved swift as a thunderclap, as if her words were paddles jumpstarting his heart into quick, heavy beats. He pulled off his shirt. Those thick, black lines of ink that haunted her dreams were on full display, curling around his biceps and across his broad shoulders. She wanted to trace them with her tongue, taste the salt on his skin. He didn’t bother with some cliché striptease. His fingers fumbled with his belt, fumbled with the top button and zipper of those tight jeans. He tripped out of them, splaying his hands across the rumpled comforter as he kicked his pants somewhere across the room, losing his shoes and socks at some point between.

She would have smirked at the clumsiness, questioned his self-proclaimed prowess as a sex therapist, if her throat hadn’t gone completely dry at the size of him. Even through his underwear there was no mistaking it—massive, just like every inch of the rest of his body. Of course, he had a cock to match.

He grinned, following her eyes, guessing her train of thought. The bed dipped as he crawled toward her, full prince of cats on display again. A man who knew what people saw when they looked at him and enjoyed that power, that raw sexual energy dripping from his every pore. With that glint in his eye, she was happy to play along—for now.

Every thread in the expensive duvet cover beneath her set a thousand sparks rocketing across her skin. His movements were measured, purposefully kept from touching her skin. He was so close she could feel the warmth radiating off of him with every inch forward, every inch toward where she wanted him. All of him. His fingers, his mouth, his cock. Nesta started to fidget with anticipation, ready for him to spread her open and take, take, take, but she wouldn’t beg. Wouldn’t reach or claw or whimper, no matter how much she wanted to.

Feyre might be paying, but she would own him before the end. Even if she had to sacrifice her soul to do it.

When his mouth finally made contact with her skin, a whisper of a kiss along the inside of her thigh, it was a struggle not to moan. Loud. She was strung tighter than a bowstring and he knew. Her traitor body was going to beg for him with or without words, so she opened her mouth instead.

“Gonna fuck me senseless, Cassian?”

His head jerked up from between her thighs, that feline smile turning her molten. “You know, Nesta. I think I’ll shut you up instead.”

Someone as big as he was shouldn’t have been able to move that fast. Shouldn’t have been able to cover her entire body with his and claim her mouth between one second and the next. His hands curled behind her neck to pull her firmly to him and devoured her. Their tongues clashed, dancing together, as she moaned into his mouth. Whether it was surprise or pleasure or both that pulled it from her, she wasn’t sure. The mint and adrenaline still laced his tongue, this time with a natural smokiness that she hadn’t noticed before. He licked at her, sucked at her lower lip. She nipped at him, teeth as much a weapon as her words, her hands. She dragged her nails down his naked back and drew a hiss from him, maybe some blood too if the tang of iron was any indication.

It only spurred him.

“You know these lips taste better when they’re not liquor-stained,” he panted. He studied her face, she knew it must be flushed from his kiss, and slowly ground his hips into hers, with the same bruising intensity he claimed her mouth, drenching himself in her through the thin fabric of his underwear. Those really need to disappear. Her fingers continued their violent path down his back to the waistband of his boxer briefs, the only barrier left between everything she wanted. Wanted, never needed. They danced around to the front of him and sought purchase.

Another moan, loud and throaty filled the space between them.

My God.

“Off, off, off, off,” she was chanting when he finally released her mouth to move down to her neck, surely to mark her like she’d marked his back. It was going to be tit for tat with him. “OFF,” she clawed at his hips. He raised up and smirked at her.

“You just have to ask, Nes.” His lips curled to the side, “maybe say please.”

She held his gaze. Please. It was a chant in her head but she couldn’t say it. He saw it there, the challenge, the struggle, but this was a battle of wills. And Cassian was a seasoned general.

He ducked his head and nosed at her jaw, along her throat, peppering her skin with close-mouthed kisses. “Just say the word,” he ground into her again, not nearly the friction she wanted. His hands found her peaked breasts and traced her nipples, slow circles at first, then quick pinches accented by his teeth at her throat. There was no pattern, no guessing, no preparation. Every nerve ending was a live wire, screaming for his touch.

Nesta Archeron was going to die here. The flames in her belly were going to consume her and she was going to die at a high-priced sex club. And maybe she should. It might be worth it. Rhysand would never live it down. She wouldn’t sacrifice her pride for an orgasm. But, as his hips did another slow roll against hers and he scraped at her neck with his teeth, her resolve imploded.

“Please,” she croaked. She felt his smile against her skin.

“What was that?”

“Please,” she said a little louder, still barely a whisper.

“That’s awfully quiet, Nesta,” he licked at her collarbone and made her eyes roll back into her head. “Makes me think you don’t really want it.”

“Please,” she repeated, her head thrashing, “please, PLEASE.”

“Okay, okay,” he pushed up to lean back on his heels above her. “No need to shout.” The tease in his voice forced an impatient growl from her. He cocked an eyebrow as he toyed with the elastic waistband on his underwear, slowly pulling it down below the defined V set low on his abdomen, revealing inch after inch of smooth, tanned skin, until finally they were gone and there was nothing left between them but sexual tension and a promise of release.

Her eyes raked down his muscled body, unable to keep her hand from reaching to touch the hard planes of his chest and abdomen, reaching lower. His fingers wrapped around her wrist.

“Uh, uh, princess,” her cheeks flamed as he lifted her hand to his lips and left a tender kiss on her palm, “it’s my turn.”

She blinked and his mouth was on her. His hair, tufted at the back of his head, bobbed between her legs as he lapped up the wetness that had been pooling since they started their games tonight. Since he first leaned against her door frame, if she was being honest with herself. His lips wrapped around her clit and when he moaned around her, she saw stars. Her toes curled. Her fingers buried themselves in his hair. Her knees bent to capture his head forever between her thighs but he caught them before she could crush him with the force of her pleasure.

It might have been hours, days. He held her spread open and licked and suckled and fucked her entrance with his tongue. Careful, slow strokes to stoke the fire ripping through her veins but not enough to send her to her peak. Her thighs began shaking; her fingers knotted into his hair and held his mouth against her. His name was a holy chant in this unholy place.

“Cassian,” she sobbed as a tear rolled down her temple and into her sweat-soaked hair.

He groaned and release ripped through her. Waves of pleasure locked her body in a silent scream, her head tilted back and her mouth wide open. He kept stroking her through it, his tongue undulating against her clit over and over as her body jerked involuntarily once, twice before relaxing completely, melting into a warm, soft puddle of flesh.

There were no words. No thoughts. Nothing inside her head except for the truth of it. No one has ever made her feel like that, forced that kind of pleasure from her. Her harsh breaths were the only sound in the room as Cassian traced patterns on her inner thigh. She blinked furiously, clearing her eyes of any emotions that might betray her. Looking down, she caught his eye and his answering smile made her forget her own name.

He was looking up at her, his cheeks pink from the heat and pressure between her thighs. His hair was a fucked out mess. He looked...content. As if her orgasm was all he wanted, like he could do it again and again and not care if she ever touched his cock even though she’d never wanted anything more in her life.

But...what if he doesn't want that?

She tensed suddenly. He was an escort after all. This wasn’t his choice. What if all of this is just an act? She knew she shouldn’t care. She was a paying customer and shouldn’t care what he wanted. What his desires were. She should just take her pleasure, satiate her own desire, and leave. That had been the plan when she came here. Hell, she had just been acting when this all started.

Until he gave her the best orgasm of her entire fucking life. Until he called her on her bullshit, got naked, and got on his knees for her. Until he made her gasp his name and fucking cry for the privilege.

This was wrong. She shouldn’t—couldn’t—

I don’t deserve this.

Her breath caught in her throat. I need to get out of here.

She sat up so quickly her head spun. Her fingers caught on the restraints attached to the headboard and she recoiled. What am I doing? Why did I think this was a good idea? Cassian jerked up from between her legs at the motion, the perfect window for her to rip her legs from his vicinity and swing them to the floor.

“Nesta, what’s wrong?”

She heard him, confused, still panting, but she couldn’t find the words to answer him. The panic was bitter, the taste in stark relief to Cassian’s tongue. Stop! Where is my fucking dress? Her head swiveled frantically. A slip of navy stuck out from under the armoire in the corner. She lurched forward, grabbing and pulling on the dress that barely covered her ass, left nothing to the imagination. What have I done?

“Nesta, what is happening?” Cassian was louder this time. Loud enough to draw her eyes. He was leaning on one elbow, wide-eyed and still painfully hard. At this angle, she could see the angry red marks across his shoulder, darkening with dried blood in some places. A damning souvenir for what she had done. A claiming.

She couldn’t ignore the voice in her head. A betrayal.

“Was—” he sat up and leaned on his knees, “was it not good?” Some unfamiliar emotion danced across his eyes as he waited. She stared and stared and stared. “Did I—“ he kept hesitating, “did I not make you feel good?”

It was the doubt, thick and traitorous, in his voice that made her silently turn around and walk out the door.

------ *runs away*

tags: @sleeping-and-books @greerlunna @sjmships @cupcakey00 @queenestarcheron @awesomelena555 @mysticalunicole @lordof-bloodshed @courtofjurdan

#acotar #acosf #acotar fic #a court of thorns and roses #a court of silver flames #sjm #sarah j maas #nessian #nessian fic #nessian au #acotar au #acotar smut #my writing

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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 3 years

Text

Not just a soft princess - Azula x female reader imagine: Part Three

Your relationship with Azula develops but a reality check makes you question if you are wise to trust the princess of the fire nation...

Part one here

Part two here

Part four here

Part five here

Part six here

Your POV

Since the day Azula stood up to Ozai for you things changed. You supposed word got out Azula was protecting you that’s why people started treating you better but it could also be due to Azula’s presence herself. After that night you saw a lot more of her and you weren’t complaining. She attended your lessons more frequently and even took over some portions of them herself. You got more freedom granted to you and when you were with Azula you didn’t even need a guard anymore. Thanks to the clause Azula placed in the contract there was no reason to force you and Zuko together and so you no longer dreaded all the formal occasions. Instead you were free to do as you wished at such events and that often included Azula. You found her presence comforting but also enjoyable. She was witty and clever, making you laugh with her deductions and well timed quips. You liked the proud blush that would fill her cheeks when she made you laugh and the only thing better was when she’d laugh at one of your own jokes. The way her mouth upturned into her signature smirk, how her shoulders would shake lightly and then she’d realise you were admiring her and be unable to meet your eyes for a few seconds. You’d never seen a sight so beautiful and were convinced there wasn’t anyone as beautiful as Azula, ever. You realised you’d developed more than a fondness for her when you found yourself thinking about her when she wasn’t around. The realisation made you nervous but also excited for one reason in particular. You were pretty sure the fire princess liked you too.

You were thinking about Azula as you dressed for the party that night. You had been at the fire nation for 2 months now and the constant feeling of dread and uncertainty was now more of a memory. You still missed home but it was no longer painful being here, you were adapting. That thought in mind you frowned when your maid asked you what dress you would like to wear tonight. There were dozens of beautiful options but they were all green given Ozai’s desire to make you up as a earth kingdom doll. You were sick of the colour green now and wanted to wear any other colour at this point. You’d noticed Azula constantly wore red and it always looked flattering. You couldn’t tell if that was because of Azula herself or if red was simply a flattering colour but the fire nation certainly did fashion better than the earth nation and if you were forced to live here you thought you should benefit from that. "Are there any red dresses?" you asked and the maid looked at you "red?". "Yes...i just thought as i’m part of the fire nation now maybe i could show it?". The maid smiled 'that sounds lovely princess y/n, i’ll go find one right away".

Azula’s POV

Azula stared out of the window as her father complained about some nobleman. Typically Azula would hang on her father’s every word and rush to assure him he was superior to everyone but lately her mind had been elsewhere...well it’d been on you more accurately. The truth was Azula had greatly enjoyed her time with you and found herself looking forward to the next chance she’d get to interact with you. Sure she’d had her friends Mai and Ty lee growing up but she’d never had someone she could relate to or feel solidarity with. With you Azula felt that. She’d always figured she was the exception to the typical princess role but you had made her see that was incorrect. You were smart and outspoken, you weren’t intimidated by the fire nation anymore and it showed. Your confidence seemed to grow each day and while it clearly bothered her father Azula relished in it. Despite the nation you were from, she couldn’t help but root for you and it had nothing to do with the fact your fate was tied to hers. It was because she genuinely liked and cared for you, something she’d never expected to happen.

Azula was ironically pulled out of her thoughts about you because of you.

"What is she doing?" Ozai snapped and Azula was so distracted she didn’t turn around for a few seconds. When she did her breath was knocked out of her. Her eyes were drawn to you immediately and they widened as a smile formed on her face. You were wearing her favourite shade of red and you looked amazing. The dress was simple and so was your hair and makeup but that seemed to make the effect all the more impactful, Azula remembered when she saw you back in Ba Sing Sei and how then you’d been dressed simply but still managed to look amazing. You didn’t need to dress up a diamond, it was beautiful no matter what adorned it. Azula was biased but saw this as a good sign, you had donned their colours, surely this showed your willingness to cooperate?

Her father didn’t agree. "I ordered all the maids to give her green clothing only! What use is she to us if you cannot identify her as earth kingdom royalty at a glance". Azula thought the emphasis on colour scheme a tad ridiculous but tried to appease her father "i think it is only for one night, this is good though. It seems she is showing loyalty to us". Ozai scoffed "as she should given all we’ve done for her, less of a prisoner and more of a honoured guest considering we’re housing and educating her for free". "She will get us the whole of the earth empire". "So you keep saying but so far all she has brought is Ba Sing Sei". Azula’s eye twitched. Ba Sing Sei was the biggest victory for the war in decades and was the brightest piece of the earth empire. For her father to disregard that was ludicrously idiotic but Azula knew he was just in a strop. He knew your use he was just annoyed he couldn’t exploit every drop of it at once and she was more determined than ever to prevent him for ever being able to do that to you.

Your POV

"You must've been dreadfully bored to make such a bold statement" a silky voice called and you didn’t even have to turn to know who it belonged to. Azula always found you sooner or later but she was definitely getting quicker. When you looked at Azula confused by her comment she gestured to your outfit "the dress, I can’t imagine what provoked you to don our colours". You laughed smiling "i thought a change would be nice, plus if this is to be my home now i thought showing some loyalty to it couldn’t hurt, but given your father’s reaction...". Azula almost scoffed but caught herself. "He was anxious but i made him see it correctly, that this a symbol of unity. How you were proclaiming your support and love for the fire nation simply by wearing a colour...a very subtle but effective political statement”. You smiled "yes but honestly? I’m just sick to death of the colour green". That thought never occurred to Azula and it caught her off guard making her laugh aloud. Something the princess had never done at a formal event. She caught herself quickly but blushed to see you were beaming at her reaction. "I’ve seen you wear it so successfully i thought i would try" you smiled and Azula looked at you surprised. "I...i am flattered". Azula’s slight blush deepened making you more confident and so you stepped back from her and opened your arms "so what’s the verdict? Did i pass in red?". Azula glanced over you very quickly her blush still very evident as she purposefully avoided looking you in the eye "you know you did, the colour suits you rather well, especially with your skin tone...." Azula trailed off before coughing "so yes you passed". You blushed smiling too "i would wear it more but i do not know if that is wise". Azula shook her head "i think green is safer". You nodded your head but felt deflated "i thought as much". "It’s lucky you look good in that colour too then i suppose" Azula commented suddenly and you looked at her in shock. "Maybe it is simply all colours?" she suggested "that wouldn't surprise me". "It wouldn't?" you asked and Azula shook her head "not at all princess". You looked away first, flustered and now blushing too and Azula grinned widely.

Mai and Zuko’s POV

Mai and Zuko watched you and discussed your show quietly. Zuko was worried what this would provoke from his father and Mai was worried Ozai would like seeing you in red. They were discussing which outcome was most likely when Azula approached you. They carried on talking when they noticed Azula laugh. An actual genuine unprovoked laugh. The couple went silent and Zuko spoke first after a delay "did my sister just....". "Burst out laughing? Yes". "When has she ever...". "Never" Mai finished "i’ve only seen her laugh when somebody falls or says something stupid". Zuko nodded "what on earth did y/n sat to her?”. Mai narrowed her eyes wondering just that too. "Could Azula...are they friends?" Zuko asked watching you two talk and Mai paused "Azula did keep her promise to protect her and she did add that marriage clause to her contract risking your father’s wrath". "But Azula never likes anyone" Zuko frowned "especially enough to put her neck on the line". "She must really like y/n then" Mai frowned as Azula suddenly blushed. Her and Zuko watched the two of you both blushing vividly, glancing at each other excitedly and they both inhaled. "She really really likes y/n" Zuko gaped and Mai nodded "and y/n her it appears .

Azula’s POV

Azula knew she had secured your place theoretically but she still worried you were physically vulnerable. She knew you were a skilled earth bender but you didn’t know how sneaky fire nation fighting was. The earth nation was upfront in their attacks but the fire nation was a fan of knives in the back and so Azula thought it wise to prepare you. So she invited you to join her for an hour a day to train.

Your POV

When Azula first invited you to spar with her your initial thought was suspicion. Why would the fire nation want to train you physically? However that was quickly overshadowed by excitement as Azula assured you that you’d be alone and that she just wanted to show you some basics. You’d seen Azula fight and were more than eager to receive tips from her. Not to mention it would make the seemingly never ending days go faster. You arrived at the sparring yard before the agreed time to find Azula already there. "You’re early" she commented dismissing your guards and you frowned "i apologise i thought the walk would take longer". "Do not apologise being early or on time are the only two acceptable options". You smiled getting the feeling Azula was early for everything and your smile lingered as the princess had you warm up. After your cardio Azula started showing you forms. Basic crucial ones first like how to avoid a knife strike or block a blow. She made it look so easy but was also a very good teacher. By the end of your third session you were able to successfully block Azula at her fastest pace and you were thrilled. Azula had been springing surprise attacks at you all session and even once she declared the session over she attacked you once again. You didn’t even register it but instead your body reacted and blocked her using perfect form. Azula looked at you impressed and a smile broke your face "i didn’t even think about it I just blocked you! I did it Azula!". Azula smirked at your endearing excitement "yes well done". "You are a very good teacher, i am a slow learner but you helped me master that in three days!". "It is only one of many forms" Azula replied "we still have many more to go before you are truly a master or i a good teacher". "Of course but this is a good first step is it not?" you asked. Azula would’ve said no. She was always hard on herself and didn’t believe in small victories but your smile was infectious and so she agreed "yes, you did well".

Azula’s POV

As your hand to hand combat improved Azula turned her attention to your bending. She was more than excited to have you display your bending again and not just because she found it enjoyable to watch. She also knew you’d been strictly forbidden from bending ever since you’d stepped foot in the fire nation. She figured it might make you more comfortable to be able to bend again and so she quickly worked it into your curriculum. She was impressed again as soon as she saw you bend. Earth was the element of strength and you were very skilled in that aspect. Azula would catch herself admiring your back and arms as your muscles tensed before she’d catch and scold herself for being unprofessional.

It soon became tradition that at the end of every session you and Azula would spar using your bending and it was the favourite part for both of you, You were both in your element (no pun intended) and Azula could get caught up in the feeling easily. Sometimes too much...

The two of you were sparring and it was going as it always did. You would stubbornly hold territory and refuse to move while Azula would flit around attempting to dislodge your stance. It took a while for either of you to wear the other down and so when Azula saw you starting to grow tired she got excited. She attacked your left side with a flurry of attacks coaxing you into exposing your other side to attacks. Azula knew you’d block the attack with your quick reflexes but when she finally saw you neglect your right side defences she acted. Azula reached out for your exposed arm directing a whip of fire straight for it. She smiled as you noticed and went to block it when you lost your footing. The floor was littered with debris from all your rocks that Azula had shattered and a piece had wormed it’s way directly between your feet. You stumbled over the rock your defence forgotten as you tried to regain your balance and Azula’s fire sped at you. Azula tried to yell but it was no use as her fire hit you knocking you over, a trail of smoke following.

Your POV

“Y/n” you heard Azula yell as the blast hit you. You had been knocked flat on the floor but managed to sit up. You arm had took the brunt of the attack and you clutched your arm tightly into your side as it pulsed in pain. Azula appeared by your side and stared at your arm horrified. The moment you saw her worried look you tried to play it off and smile. "I’m fine" you assured her but Azula shook her head "no you’re not, come here". You glanced down at your arm but held it out to her.

Azula inspected the burn and frowned. It wasn’t serious, the skin would be healed in a few weeks and it shouldn’t cause you too much pain in the meantime but it would scar. “It’s not too bad but it needs dressing...come on”. Azula soaked your arm and apologised as you winced. She carefully dried it and applied a cooling balm onto it. You flinched and she frowned “does it hurt?”. “Yes but that feels nice, it feels cold”. Azula nodded. She waited for the gel to soak in before bandaging your arm carefully. “We’re lucky it was just your arm...if you’d fallen and my fire hit you somewhere else...” Azula paused “I should’ve been more careful”. “It wasn’t your fault, it was just an accident” you tried but Azula shook her head “fire benders aren’t allowed accidents, accidents get people killed”. You watched Azula’s concentrated tense face and wished you could ease the guilt she seemed to feel. Azula finished bandaging your arm and tucked the bandages away expertly, you watched amazed as her fingers worked softly and swiftly. For the first time you noticed there were many small scars from burns and cuts along her fingers and you watched her face closely. The princess was immaculate but on closer inspection, you could see the small scars and flaws of any person. It didn’t surprise you Azula kept hers hidden, she seemed like the type to tightly guard her weaknesses and you frowned wondering if she’d been told to do that as a child. From how faded some of the scar were you were guessing she had and it made you angry. Azula was a powerful force of nature but she was still a human with flaws. Not despite those flaws but because of them you viewed her as the most beautiful and intelligent woman you’d ever known and you wanted her to know that.

"Finished" Azula declared and then looked up to see you staring at her. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked. In response you blinked and leant across the table to kiss her. Azula jumped pulling away as soon as you touched her and you jumped back too, upset and horrified you’d read her signals wrong. "You shouldn’t do that" Azula said and you blinked "i’m sorry i just thought...we’ve been flirting and I thought you might like me...". "No i meant here" Azula said cutting you off "we shouldn’t do that here but other places...". You paused and slowly smiled at Azula’s tone "other places....so you do like me?". Azula shushed you "not here too many ears come on" and held a hand out to you "but yes" she whispered as you took her hand. You smiled at her and Azula’s cheeks turned a shade of pink as she shot her eyes away from you. Azula led you through the palace confidently and to the royal gardens. You frowned figuring this was an open space with many prying eyes and ears but Azula just smiled more "as a child i learnt all the best places to hide are in here". "You had need of many hiding places?" you asked as Azula led you into the maze. She nodded "this was my mothers favourite place and so the last place she'd think to look for me when she wanted to yell at me, i hid right under her nose and avoided detection". Azula led you deep into the maze before she stopped suddenly "here". A large hedge stood before you and you frowned “Azula it’s...” but Azula just smiled “watch”. She pressed her hands under the left side and pushed the bush to the side. It moved aside easily and Azula stepped through. You followed and found yourself behind large grass sculptures. They perfectly obscured you and gave you a small secluded area. You were still admiring how the hedge just bounced back hiding your entrance perfectly when you realised Azula was close behind you staring at you. Suddenly she couldn’t wait any longer and she kissed you. You laughed at her eagerness but kissed her back. As you were taller Azula wrapped her arms around your neck to be able to reach you easier. You rested your hands on her waist and smirked as Azula almost made you lose your balance in her excitement. You were thoroughly enjoying the kiss when Azula broke it and shot away from you "come on we have to keep moving" she laughed and tugged you out of your hidden area. “Why?” you asked and Azula smiled “you only go undetected as long as you keep moving so that’s what we’ll do”. Azula tugged you into another perfectly hidden alcove and brought her lips to your again before pulling away again just as you were slipping into it. Azula smirked at you exasperated look and you got the feeling she was toying with you. So in the third hiding spot Azula brought you too as soon as she had hidden your entrance you trapped her against it. Being taller had it’s advantages and you gripped Azula’s waist while hovering over her “No more running princess”. Azula grinned and happily accepted her fate.

You liked these hiding places in the garden and apparently so did Azula. She leant against your arms the most content you’d ever seen her. You could see why she loved it here. You could hear other people in the gardens but it felt so wonderfully private. The weather was beautiful and you laid down looking at the sun. “This is one thing I have grown to love about the fire nation, the weather...it’s so nice and warm here” you smiled. “Well it is summer” Azula smirked leaning on her forearms to look down at you “but it is beautiful, wait until you see the festival for the summer solstice. The sky stays light all night and the streets are lit with lanterns everywhere, the whole city glows and all night you just bask in the beauty” Azula sighed “I can’t wait to show it you all”. “Yeah?” you asked and Azula nodded “it’s beautiful even in winter too! We don’t get snow but it gets colder meaning there’s fires on every street corner. They even make a hot chocolate with fire flakes that you have to try” Azula told you “we can take a trip into town and get one....and the restaurants serve festive dishes that are spiced to perfection we will see it all” Azula declared and you smiled. “That sounds amazing”. Azula smiled up at you before leaning further into you.

A while later with a large sigh Azula sat up moving off you “I have to go...my father requested to see me and Zuko, it must be important...if it wasn’t there’s no way I’d go” she told you and you smiled “I know, it’s fine i’ll find someway to manage without you”. Azula smirked “I know Mai and Ty lee were going shopping, you could always tag along with them...they’re not as good company as me of course but it may distract you until i’m done”. “Until you’re done?”. Azula nodded “how about I come join you when i’m finished?”. You nodded your head “sounds perfect” and kissed her softly. Azula smiled and lingered with you as long as she could before pulling back “come on”. She stood up swiftly before helping you up. You walked out of the gardens together and Azula stopped at one path “Ty lee and Mai will be that way, you should hurry so you catch them”. You nodded “have fun at your meeting” and with a purposeful brush against her hurried away. You noticed Azula stayed long enough to watch you walk away before she rushed off for the meeting and smirked, she was definitely going to be late for that.

You came around the corner abruptly and both Mai and Ty lee jumped. “Y/n” Ty lee said surprised “are you okay princess?”. You nodded “I was actually looking for you both, I was wondering if i could accompany you into town? Azula mentioned you were going and suggested you wouldn’t mind”. “Of course we don’t” Ty lee cried and Mai shot her a look. You glanced at Mai who paused before sighing “of course you can come princess”. You smiled “thanks” and went to walk out of the open door but Mai held out her arm “are you forgetting something? A royal can’t leave the palace without a quadrant of guards and a royal precession”. “But she’s not fire nation does she really have to?” Ty lee asked and Mai sighed “you know she does” and turned to call the nearest servant.

It was easy to forget everything the fire nation stood for while you were running around the gardens with Azula but it had a way of reminding you. Mai and Ty lee were not permitted in the royal procession with you and had to walk behind you. The fire nation guards cleared the way through the streets mercilessly and you could see why Mai hadn’t wanted you to come. The citizens were either excited to see you and got beaten back or had been pushed forwards accidentally and suffered the same fate. When you finally reached your destination you felt so malevolent and cruel as the towns people stared but dared not come close. You’d never left the palace in the earth kingdom but there were often parties when normal people could come and they never hesitated to approach or touch you, here you bet the guards would have their hands if they tried. “Y/n?” Ty lee asked as you stared at the guards *controlling* the crowd. “Are you okay?” Ty lee asked and you paused before nodding “i’m fine” and you followed her inside.

Everywhere you went caused a fuss and you felt like you stuck out like a sore thumb. Ty lee wanted to go clothes shopping with Mai but because none of the shops sold green clothes you couldn’t join in. Every time you left a store you had to get back into your stupid cart even if the store was simply down the street. Each store you went into ignored Ty lee and Mai and only focused on you being the royal. You hated all the special treatment you received. You didn’t deserve it and you didn’t want it but there was no escaping it. This was the fire nation.

“What’s wrong y/n?” Ty lee asked “ you’ve barely touched your food” she said noticing how you were just pushing it around. You frowned “I just feel like i ruined your day, everywhere I go I causes a scene, it must be so annoying”. Ty lee shook her head “you haven’t ruined anything we’re used to it”. “How?” you asked and Mai fixed you with a look “you’re not the first royal we’ve travelled with, Azula and Zuko have the same rules but they revel in it a lot more than you”. “They enjoy it?” you asked shocked. “Well not so much Zuko” Mai admitted “but Azula does, she says it reminds people of their position....beneath her”. Mai’s disgusted tone wasn’t lost on you but it did make you think. You didn’t doubt Mai was being truthful, you’d seen first hand how Azula could act but recently you’d started forgetting. You realised with a crashing taste of reality that Azula was probably only like she was with you, with everyone else...who knows how cruel she was. You stared down at your hands feeling guilty for your morning activities with her. What on earth had you been doing sneaking around with the princess that conquered your city. Azula had taken over your home and sent your uncle into exile. The only reason you were here was because she liked you, if you hadn’t have appealed to her would you be exiled too or worse? These thoughts worried you and you couldn’t help but feel like a hypocrite. You’d personally sworn to detest the fire nation but had fallen for the princess? You couldn’t allow that and so you decided to call whatever this was off with Azula. As soon as she joined you.

However Azula never made it to the cafe. When you returned to the palace in the evening there was still no word from her and you weren’t sure if you were relieved or not. The evening pressed on when suddenly there was a knock at your door. You opened it to find Azula smiling widely. “I know I missed this afternoon but I have a good reason!” she waved some servants into your room and you watched confused as they started packing your belongings. “Azula what on earth....”. “We don’t have time!” she said excitedly “we’re leaving tonight! Mai, Ty lee and Zuko have to come too but it will still be great y/n”. “What will be...where are we going?”. “Ember Islands” Azula smiled.

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slythergirlimagines · 4 years

Text

Just Us With Some Hugging - Part 2

Let me just say how incredibly nice everyone has been?? You all are amazing and I really hope you like Part 2 as much as Part 1. Speaking of, if you haven’t read Part 1, read it first! Masterlist

Summary: Zuko asks you to be his fake girlfriend to stop his Uncle’s matchmaking. Angst and fluff

(GIF is not mine and has nothing to do with the story. Zuko just looks fine;))

Just Us and Some Hugging- Part 2

There were a few moments of perfect silence as you kissed, the calm before the storm. The music of the party faded away, and it was just the two of you. This is what people write about, you think. This is what all the girls talk about. Kissing Zuko is as powerful as his fire. The energy around you sizzles, and maybe you are burning.

You pull away, slightly breathless, eyes still closed.

“Y/N...” Zuko whispers.

And then reality hits you like one of Ba Sing Se’s trains.

“Oh no.” Flies out of your mouth before you can help it. “No, no.” How could you be so stupid?

You knew he didn’t feel that way about you. You knew this would all blow up in your face. All those feelings had just been burning under your skin, ready to combust at a moments notice. And the soft way he had said your name solidified it all. That’s the voice people used when they were about to reject someone.

Zuko’s eyebrows pulled together over his amber eyes.

“Y/n?” He asked, as you backed away from him.

Tears filled your eyes. You knew he was working out what to say to you, how to let you down the easiest. You couldn’t bear to hear it.

“I’m...I’m sorry.” You choke out, and then you are running.

_________________________________

You barely make it back to the house when you break down. Luckily no one is there, so you pound your way up the stairs and slam your door shut. How could you kiss him?

You had single handedly ruined the best thing in your life by being a complete idiot. You could have lied, said you were doing it for the show. You could have spun it so you could both brush it off and pretend nothing happened.

Instead, you had ran, telling him exactly what that kiss meant to you. Did you really have no self control, or did you just like being a masochist?

Slowly you head to the small bathroom to change out of your simple green dress. With a groan you remember that tonight wasn’t even the real party. Tomorrow is the honorary ceremony, and the reason you came. It’s the one that you brought your best gown for. The one that you thought would make Zuko fall madly in love with you. What an idiot.

Wiping the rest of your makeup away, you make your way miserably to your room and pull the soft bed covers over your head. What were you going to do about tomorrow? You couldn’t face Zuko after what you’d done. How could he even still want to pretend to date you after that?

You could try and catch a train. There wouldn’t be one tonight, but surely there would be one early tomorrow. Then you could go quietly and avoid making this situation any worse than it already was. You try to plan what you’ll do after that. You had lived at the palace your whole life, and you really had no where else to go. You knew that Zuko would never kick you out, his honor would forbid it even if you weren’t friends any more. Even so, you didn’t think you could stand it.

Maybe you could just say you were drunk. So drunk that you acted like a complete lunatic. You’d only had one drink, but maybe Zuko didn’t know that. Ugh. You were a disaster.

Someone opens the door and shuts up your inner monologue. You hadn’t heard any drunken stumbling, so you knew it wasn’t Toph or Sokka. Katara and Aang were too preoccupied to come check on you. Suki would undoubtedly be wherever Sokka was, and anyways you weren’t close enough to check up on one another. That left one person.

You freeze, grateful that you’re under the covers and he can’t see your face. You try to breathe as evenly as possible to make him think you’re asleep. Zuko stands there for an immeasurable amount of time, and you can feel that same energy from before connecting you. Now it’s even more magnetic, and all you want is to go to him. You forcefully lock your muscles into place. You will do no more harm tonight.

“I know you’re awake.” He says lowly, and you clench you’re eyes shut. You are not leaving this bed.

He stands there a little longer, giving you the chance to acknowledge him. When you make no effort to speak to him, Zuko leaves with a sigh and shuts the door quietly behind him. You don’t hear his footsteps as he walks away, but he’s always been a silent walker.

When enough time has passed, you let your body relax. Your pounding heart is loud in your ears, and you fall asleep replaying the exchange over and over.

—————————————————

“Spill.” A voice wakes you up.

Toph lounges leisurely on your bed, one leg underneath her and the other planted firmly on the floor.

“Toph what are you doing?” You groan, rolling back over. It’s too early to be dealing with this.

“I want to know why you and lover boy are pretending to date, and I also want to know why he’s depressed as hell this morning.” She snarks.

You sit straight up in bed, heart pounding.

“What time is it?” You ask frantically! If everyone is awake downstairs then you’ve missed you’re opportunity to leave.

“9. Why?” Toph flicks her loose hair over her shoulder. You had never seen her hair down before.

“Doesn’t matter now.” You say moodily.

Toph’s face lights up like she’s figured something out. Not good.

“You were going to leave!” She says jumping up. She’s being way too loud, and you know if she keeps it up everyone will hear her.

“Toph! Hush!” You admonish, scrambling out of bed and slapping a hand over her mouth to keep her quiet.

“Tell me everything or I’m telling.” She says, words muffled by your hand.

You quickly try to debate your options. You didn’t want Toph to tell anyone that you were going to run away, it was too embarrassing. Especially because they’d ask why, and Zuko would have the answer.

“Ugh ok, ok!” You remove you hand from Toph’s mouth and cross your arms. Toph mimics you and raises her chin.

“Well?” She asks. And then you spill.

It all comes out like word vomit. You tell her about the fake dating, about your feelings, and then the kiss.

“You kissed him, ran away screaming ‘no’, and you think he’s the one that doesn’t like you?” She asks incredulously.

“Toph it’s not like that. He was about to reject me, ok? He was using that voice, and his expression. You would understand if you had been there.” You defend.

Perhaps you could see what she was saying. Maybe it did look like you kissed him and ran away screaming, but he was seconds away from doing it himself. You were just saving him the embarrassment. Your argument sounds pathetic even to yourself, but you know you’re right about his feelings. Zuko could never feel that way for you. You weren’t a badass bender or even someone with a noble title, like Mai. You were just you, and you weren’t good enough for Zuko.

“So that’s why he’s sitting downstairs, depressed as hell, pretending to eat breakfast while he watches the door.” Toph sasses you.

“Toph he’s not depressed. He’s.... grossed out.”

Toph rolls her eyes for effect, and shakes her head.

“Idiot.” She mumbles. You aren’t even offended because it’s the truth.

“Toph, I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep this up anymore. That’s why I was going to leave early this morning.” You tell her.

Toph considers it for a minute, and then takes a seat on your bed.

“I think you should talk to him.” She says at last.

“No!” You shake your head vehemently. “I can’t. No way.”

“He’s probably scared and nervous too you know.” Toph says, and it may be the most gentle tone she’s ever used.

You try to imagine a nervous Zuko. You’d seen it a few times, when he came back from exile, or before a really big council meeting. That wasn’t the Zuko you had seen last night.

“He isn’t.” You say with finality.

“I still think you’re an idiot.” Toph says, getting off your bed and adjusting her green tunic. “But if you aren’t going to talk to him, we’ll just have to keep you apart as much as possible.”

——————————————————

Toph’s idea of keeping you and Zuko apart came in the form of a girls’ day. She had even convinced Katara and Suki to come.

Toph had given you some time to change, and then she had whisked you all away to a spa that she and Katara liked.

“We might as well get pampered before our big night.” Toph says, sarcastically. Katara rolls her eyes, and starts leading the group through the cheery streets. Ba Sing Se is even more decorated today then it had been yesterday.

“Are you feeling better, y/n?” Suki asks. “Zuko said you felt sick last night and had to go home early, before he left to check on you.”

Color flushes your cheeks as the wide eyed girl smiles at you kindly.

“Y-yes.” You say. “I’m feeling much better.”

“I bet Zuko helped with that.” Katara giggles, and all the other girls join in.

“Ok, ok knock it off.” You say, laughing uncomfortably. A flash of heat tears through you as you remember Zuko standing at your door.

“Come on ladies, we’re here!” Toph says, ending the Zuko conversation. You would feel more grateful if she hadn’t laughed at you.

The spa day turns out to be rather fun. You enjoy spending time with the girls, and the spa workers are excellent at their jobs. They have you all in tip top shape by the time you leave later that afternoon.

You’re on pins and needles as you near the house. Will Zuko be waiting? You bad barely managed to avoid him this morning, and now you didn’t know how to act around him. Did he still want you to keep up the act? Maybe Toph was right, you should have talked to him.

The house is empty when you all return, and you don’t know why it’s both a relief and a disappointment. Katara teases you for looking for Zuko, and you make a jab back at her about Aang.

There still a few hours left before you have to get ready, so everyone goes their separate ways for a nap.

You just make it through the door of your room, when it slams shut behind you.

You let out a shriek, and whirl around to find Zuko blocking the door. His arms are crossed, and his dark hair is down, strands falling over his eyes. His face is blank, and that’s how you know he’s mad. He also looks unbelievably sexy.

“Zuko? You gave me a heart attack!” You whisper shout at him. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re ignoring me.” Zuko says, icily.

“I am not.” You say, and you wish that you could come up with something better.

Zuko arches an eyebrow in response.

“I’m not!” You flush. “What are you doing hiding in my room?” You try and deflect.

“Oh? Well let’s see. I was dancing with my best friend and then she kissed me. And then to make everything better, she ran off screaming. Now she’s ignoring me when I try to talk to her about it, so I have to ambush her to get her to speak to me!” His chest is heaving when he’s done ranting, and your heart is pounding.

It makes everything different, speaking it out loud. Hearing him tell it. He wanted to talk to you about it, and you hadn’t the slightest idea what to say. You open and close your mouth a few times, trying desperately to find the words.

Zuko watches, eyes boring into yours mercilessly. You know he’s not going to leave until he gets an answer.

“I don’t know what to say.” You admit, blushing. “I was drunk.”

You decide to give the excuse a try. You know he doesn’t buy it, because he pushes off of the door and moves to stand in front of you.

“Drunk? Off of one glass of champagne. Come on y/n, I’ve been out drinking with you. I know you aren’t that much of a lightweight.”

That damned electricity is there, humming again.

“I was drunk.” You repeat again. You heard somewhere that it’s better to stick with the same lie than try to alter it.

“Really.” Zuko says, moving even closer. He’s too close, and your breaths mingle. You’re craning your neck to keep eye contact with him. If he bends down even a little..... No! That kind of thinking got you here in the first place.

“Drunk is really what you’re sticking with?” He murmurs, leaning down just a fraction more. He’s immobilizing you with his eyes.

“Uh huh...” you say, getting caught up in it all.

“Fine.” He says, abruptly. “I hope you can hold your liquor tonight.” He says angrily, but his eyes are telling you something else, something you can’t quite decipher.

He gives you a final searching look, and then marches out the door. This time he lets it slam shut.

—————————————————-

It takes all of ten minutes for you to burst into Toph’s room. She’s asleep but you shake her awake, giving her no time to wake up before you tell her what just happened.

When she wakes up enough to understand what you’re telling her, her face twists into an evil grin.

“Don’t worry y/n. I know just the thing to do.”

The thing to do is apparently get you ready for the celebration. Toph gets Suki and Katara, both of whom look like they’ve been doing something other than sleeping. Toph instructs them that they have to make you look pretty for Zuko.

“We have to make her irresistible, ladies. I’m talking the works. Y/n, go get your dress and bring it in here. Suki, Katara go get your stuff too. Bring all the makeup girls, we’re in for a night.”

The girls do an impressively good job getting ready. You all help each other with make up and hair, but they leave you for last. Suki tackles your makeup, while Katara weaves your hair into a masterpiece. They spend what feels like hours pressing various powders into your skin, and wrapping your hair around the curler.

When they’re finished, you look absolutely stunning.

“Oh my!” You say, turning your head at every angle. Your makeup highlights all of you features, and your hair is in an intricate updo. You feel like crying, never in your life have you felt so desirable. You force your tears away before they can ruin all of Suki’s hard work.

“You look gorgeous.” Toph says, and then laughs at her own joke. You roll your eyes, but hug her all the same.

“Ok, enough mushiness.” She says, punching you in the arm. “It’s time for the dress.”

You unzip the garment bag, and show them the brilliant dress. The ballgown is a deep crimson, embroidered with gold and red gemstones. They twist and turn around the bodice, patterned after flames.

“Oh wow.” Katara says as they help you step into it. She zips you up and spins you around to face the mirror. Everyone is speechless as they look at you.

“Zuko is going to lose his mind.”

———————————————-

Your stomach is in knots as you descend the stairs. You don’t know if your anxiety can handle this. After the bedroom incident, you don’t know if you can control yourself around him. He had been there, so close, and you had wanted to kiss him again. You clearly hadn’t learned any valuable lessons.

The boys are goofing around downstairs, when they notice you all. Aang airbends to Katara, lifting her into a hug.

“You’re gorgeous.” He says, kissing her boldly.

Sokka’s mouth is on the ground as he takes in Suki, and Toph snaps it shut for him helpfully. Toph looks incredible too, her green dress accentuating her usually hidden curves.

You look at Zuko last, unsure of what expression you’ll find there. When you finally see him, you think you’ll combust right then and there.

Zuko is devastatingly handsome. You know this, you’ve always known this. But it’s different tonight, when he’s dressed in a traditional firebender suit that matches your dress perfectly. His hair is away from his face, and even though you like it better wild, when it’s up he looks like a man. No, he looks like a Firelord.

His eyes are nearly golden when he looks at you. His expression is no longer guarded or angry, in fact you would say he looked awed.

“Breathe, dude.” Sokka reminds him as you approach. Zuko is still not saying anything, so you take it upon yourself to make the first move.

“Zuko.” You smile softly at him. You aren’t sure where the tenderness comes from, especially because you’re still embarrassed and a little unsure. But when he looks at you like that, it makes it all seem like nothing.

“I think you killed him, y/n.” Sokka accuses you. Toph laughs but shakes her head.

“Oh no, he’s very much alive.” She says, wiggling her eyebrows.

That seems to snap him out of whatever trance he is in, because he shoots Toph a dirty look. He turns back to look at you, and blinks again.

“Y/n. You look....” he starts, but is cut off by Iroh bursting through the door.

“Is everyone ready?” He asks, excitedly. His eyes land on you and Zuko, and they fill with tears.

“Oh my. You’re all so grown up!” He says. “We should have a painting done.”

“Uncle, the celebration will be over by the time the artist finishes.” Zuko says. His voice is raspy and low and it’s doing incredible things to your nerves, like internally lighting you on fire.

“You’re right, you’re right. Come on everyone!”

As you shuffle out of the door, Zuko offers you his arm. You try not to read into it as you wind yours delicately through his.

—————————————-

The celebration is bittersweet as always. The Gaang is honored for their heroism, and then there is the traditional moment of silence for those lives lost. Zuko grabs your hand during this, and you give it a squeeze. Talking about the people lost to violence gives you a new perspective on things.

Life is fleeting, and every moment should be made to count. You watch Zuko out of the corner of your eye, and start to think. Maybe you should be honest with him about your feelings. If he rejected you then at least you knew. Maybe it was time you really started living.

Your musings are broken by the cheers of the audience, and then the music begins playing and the party is officially in full swing.

———————————————

You’re smooshed around the same table again, and it briefly feels like fate is giving you a do over. Or it’s being cruel. You can’t really decide.

Zuko hadn’t touched you since he grabbed your hand. No one notices with all of the excitement, but you notice. And it’s bothering you.

Toph and Sokka are currently rematching their previous drinking game, and this time Suki is joining them. Katara and Aang are still making eyes at each other, engaged in a whispered conversation. Zuko is stiff beside you, looking at everyone else but you.

You think back to what you told him when this all started. “We both know I’d have to make the first move.” Zuko means everything to you, and his friendship does too. But now that you personally know what it’s like to kiss him, to dance with him, to hold his hand, you can’t let it go. You can’t go back to the way things were, and it’s time you do something about it.

“Let’s dance.” You say, and you grab Zuko’s arm leading him to the dance floor. It’s funny how the roles have reversed.

Zuko doesn’t protest, but he doesn’t seem overly enthused either. You’re not nearly as graceful or trained as he is when it comes to dancing, so you don’t quite integrate as smoothly with the other dancers. After a few bumps and apologies, Zuko rolls his eyes and takes the lead.

You let him whirl you around for a minute as you build up your nerve. His hands send tingles through your body everywhere they touch.

“Zuko...” you start. His eyes find yours and then you finally right your wrong and spit it out. “I wasn’t drunk.”

Ok so it was less poetic than you intended. You’re still doing better than before.

Zuko stares at you, and you know he’s waiting for you to finish.

“I kissed you, because I’m in love with you. I have been for a really long time, and I know you don’t feel that way about me. That’s why I ran. I was so scared that I had ruined our friendship forever.... but it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter?” Zuko asks, brows pinching together as he tries to decipher your meaning. His eyes are doing that thing where they pin you in place, but this time you let yourself feel it all. You’re done fighting.

“It doesn’t matter, because I can’t pretend anymore. I’m done fighting it Zuko. I love you, and I can’t pretend that I don’t.”

Slowly, Zuko’s lips curl into a smile and he starts leaning in.

“Are you drunk right now?” He asks. You shake your head, biting your lip to keep from smiling.

“No.” You say.

He leans even closer, and connects his forehead to yours. “How about now?”

“N-” but Zuko cuts you off with a kiss before you can finish your sentence.

This kiss is as passionate as the one before, except this time you fully lose yourself in it. Zuko kisses like he firebends, with an intensity and passion you’ve never experienced from anyone else. He pulls you to him, holding you there as he explores your mouth with his tongue. One of his hands sneaks up to cradle your face, and his thumb gently caresses your cheekbone.

When you finally pull away for air, you’re grinning. Zuko laughs a little breathlessly and rests his forehead on yours. He resumes your swaying.

“I’m case if that wasn’t clear, I love you too. When you ran away, I thought you were disgusted.” He laughs. You let your fingers trace over his face, his scar, and they finally stop on his lips.

You raise your eyes to meet his.

“Definitely not disgusted.” You say, and then kiss him again for emphasis. This kiss is sweeter and shorter. It’s a promise.

“So where does that leave us?” He asks, and it’s adorable how timid he sounds.

“Just us.” You tell him smiling. “And some kissing.”

A/N: Hey everyone, I know that this was super long but you all loved it so much I felt like you deserved it. I hope this lived up to everyone’s expectations:) Don’t forget to hit me up for requests, I do write for multiple fandoms. I’m going to get to my other requests this week, so keep an eye out for those. You can find everything I write under the tag slythergirlimagines. I hope I tagged everyone who asked, but if for some reason I missed you please let me know and I’ll add you!

Taglist: @darthsokaaa @a-random-queer-kid @astralsaf @myqueennadia @marvel-ing-at-it-all @galacticamidala @royahllty @whatthef-ckisupkyle @taeeemin @realimbo

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kopikokun · 4 years

Text

Lipstick Smears༄ l.jn

↳ Jeno never thought trying to get his makeup artist’s attention would be this hard.

pairing; lee jeno x mua!reader

genre; fluff

wordcount; 1359 words

Request 20: Jeno + “Don’t make me come over there myself!” (114) + “Stop being such a baby.” (144)

“Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!”

Jeno sincerely hopes that you heard him. If you hadn’t, either you’re deaf or actually ignoring him. He doesn’t know which is worse.

“Oh no, Jeno. Did I pull too hard?” The stylist standing behind Jeno frowns, face laced with genuine concern. Jeno feels a little remorseful for faking his pain now.

“Huh? Oh, uhm, no, it’s okay. I was just surprised,” Jeno says lamely, flashing a reassuring smile. The stylist seems to heave a sigh of relief, continuing her arduous task of styling Jeno’s hair.

Despite the fact that his current stylist has even outwardly voiced the fact that Jeno is in ‘pain’, you don’t even spare him a glance, too engrossed in conversation with Renjun. What are you two even talking about? Jeno frowns.

“Make it more obvious, why don’t you?” Jaemin whisper-shouts to Jeno, leaning towards him, his elbow resting on the arm of his seat and his hand shielding the movement from you. The two of them look like school boys gossiping about pointless rumours.

Jeno sputters a few words of nonsense, unable to come up with something to say. “I- No, what- I—”

Now Jaemin is the one to cry out in pain as his stylist tugs his ear. “Don’t move your head, Jaemin,” she says sternly, her gaze pointed as she adjusts the wig on Jaemin’s head, snipping off the edges. Jaemin grumbles.

Ever the rule-bender, Jaemin still continues whisper-shouting with Jeno, but this time he stares straight ahead at his own reflection. Only his lips and his pupils move as he speaks. His stylist looks like she’s about to say something but she only sighs and pushes forward. “You still trying to get her attention?”

Jeno’s shoulders slump. Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Just call her over. Or tell Ah Young that you want to switch make-up artists.”

Ah Young butts in, “Oh, do you want to switch me to switch with—”

“No, no! It’s okay! It’s fine, Jaemin was just kidding,” Jeno practically shouts in his panic. Almost everyone in the room turns to look at him and he swears he even hears you huff. A reaction! Too bad it’s a negative one.

“No way! I don’t want to make it super obvious,” Jeno argues, masking his shame.

“You’re so persistent.” Jaemin purses his lips. “Fine, have it your way. Just don’t sulk when Renjun steals her away.”

Jeno’s eyes bulge. Renjun? Stealing you away from him?

Jaemin snickers. Obviously, he knows Renjun would never do that. For starters, he would never betray the bro code and he isn’t even remotely interested in you. He just wants to see Jeno squirm.

After that rather interesting exchange, Jeno sits in silence, contemplating what Jaemin had said. You did seem rather close with Renjun these days… I mean, you’d been his make up artist for the past week because some higher-up randomly requested for a rotation in the make-up artists. Jeno grit his teeth. Stupid higher-ups.

Ah Young moves to stand in front of Jeno, she drags a chair over to sit on, raising Jeno’s slightly. It’s finally make-up time. Jeno glances at Ah Young. It’s not like he doesn’t like her. She’s great at her job and she’s sweet, but she’s not you. You with that stupidly pretty hair he’d like to twirl around his finger, you with that stupid skin he’d like to carress, you with those stupidly pretty lips he’d like to kiss, you with that stupidly goofy laugh he wants to hear as soon as he wakes up in the morning, you with those stupidly stupid jokes of yours, you, you, you, you. You’re so stupidly you and he loves it.

Jeno feels an itch below his lip and rubs it with the back of his hand absentmindedly, thoughts clouded over with little snippets of you.

“Jeno!”

He peers down at Ah Young who wears an irritated expression, something he’s never seen before. “You ruined your lipstick! It’s smeared across your cheek now!”

Jeno’s eyes shoot to gape at his reflection in the mirror. He’s not sure what he’s expecting, but his lipstick is smeared. His fingertips lightly graze his cheek as if in shock. Damn.

“Lee Jeno!”

His heartbeat accelerates.

“Stop being such a baby. Don’t make me come over there myself!”

Your intoxicating perfume is the first indication of you. Jeno can smell the faint scent of it. It’s sweet and light, fun and airy. Is it lavender? No, rose? Jeno doesn’t know, but it smells heavenly.

Ah Young whines to you. “Jeno’s been doing this since I started this week. Is he like this with you too?”

You meet his expectant stare through the mirror, smothering a snort at his bashful expression. Jeno feels dumb. Like a puppy.

“He’s just being a baby, Ah Young.” You pat her head affectionately. Now Jeno’s jealous of Ah Young. “Don’t worry, I’ll take over from here. Do Renjun’s makeup for me, please?”

Ah Young nods feverishly, and Jeno’s a little slighted but whatever. Right now, what’s important is that you’re doing his makeup. You.

His heart leaps in his chest.

Unlike with Ah Young, he can’t look you in the eye as you sit in front of him. He finds himself twiddling with his thumbs like a teenager.

“Jeno,” your index and middle finger are cool on the skin beneath his jaw as you tip his face upwards, “look at me.” Your sentence makes his stomach flutter. “I need to wipe off the lipstick.”

Jeno almost tries to nod but stops himself. That would only makes things worse. He doesn’t need a repeat of what happened with Ah Young.

“You’re such a baby, Jeno,” you sigh, swiping a damp makeup wipe across his skin. The cool air conditioning makes his skin tingle.

Jeno pouts, bottom lip jutting out. “I am not a baby.”

“Okay, baby.”

Jeno knows the term of endearment is meant to tease him, but he can’t help but flush under your cheeky stare. And the fact that you’re barely a breath away from him isn’t much help either. You’re so close to him that no matter where he looks, he can’t see anything else but that stupidly cute face of yours.

“I’m gonna do your lips now, so try not to mess it up again, okay?”

Jeno nods this time, lost in thought. You apply a layer of the tint, the flesh of your bottom lip between your teeth in concentration. The act catches Jeno's eye, and he blatantly stares without an ounce of shame.

You’re so close that if he leans forward, he could plant a kiss right on those pretty lips. He entertains the thought, wondering how you would react if he were to really do it. Would you be surprised? Shy? Would you like it? Would you try to kiss him back? He seems to have forgotten that it’s not just the two of you in the room right now.

Fully immersed in his delusions, he doesn’t realise that you’re actually done with his lips. He just gawks at you, a distant look in his eyes as he imagines what your lips would feel like against his.

“Oh, Jeno, did Ah Young already put your blusher on for you?”

Jeno’s cheeks burn in embarrassment. He doesn’t miss Jaemin’s quiet chortle of amused laughter. “What? No, not yet. It’s just my cheeks get rosy when it’s hot.” You seem unconvinced. “I, uh, don’t really like hot weather. I don’t do well in it.”

You smile, something sly hidden behind your seemingly innocent expression. “Hm, okay.” You pause. “That’s a shame. I thought I could ask you out today for some ice cream, but it is really hot.”

Jeno’s eyes widen. “What? No, it’s okay. I can handle it pretty well. You know all those years of running has made me pretty immune to heat.” Oh my God, yeah right. He literally just went back on his previous statement. You’d never buy that.

“Great. I’ll meet you after the shoot. How’s that sound?”

All Jeno can do is nod dumbly, heart beating erratically in his ribcage, threatening to leap out of his chest.

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chaoticallysapphic · 4 years

Text

Panda Lilies

Summary: You both are terrified of admitting your feelings for one another, but an old gift finally rips the truth out of you.

A/N: this was requested by a nonnie, it’s from the prompt list N1 and is number 9 in the surprise section. I hope it lives up to your expectations Nonnie!

Word count: 2K

You were a coward. Sure you’d taken multiple benders at once, won spars, and fought alongside others to right what was wrong. But when it came to your feelings, you clammed up and became something pitiful. It’s at your grandfather’s funeral that you reunite with your first love, snowfalls in little flurries, and the sun is already setting despite it only being midday. Winter had come and taken with it a piece of you.

She sets a hand on your shoulder and gives it a comforting squeeze “He was a remarkable man,” Lin says. You let out a sigh and look over at her, your grandparents had practically raised you, what with your mom dying while giving birth to your younger brother and your father dying a few years later in a shipwreck.

Suki had died two years ago, that’s the last time you’d seen Lin. The ceremony was a beautiful mix of water tribe and Kyoshi traditions, warriors that hailed from your grandmother’s homeland had all come to properly bury her in their traditional garb with the white makeup painted across their faces. You knew all the women who came, having trained alongside them growing up, and despite Sokka not having any ties to Kyoshi island, they had also come today to offer support. Your closest friend among the warriors eyes Lin’s hand and gives you a look of encouragement before turning her back and leaving.

“Thank you for coming,” you say, completely turning your body to face Lins. You shouldn’t have been surprised about her showing up, but she’d been so busy in Republic City, her letters had lessened over the years and the yearly winter solstice call you two shared stopped a few years ago. You remember idly sitting by your telephone as you twirled the cord around, waiting for it to ring. Lin always called you, the second she got home from work on the winter solstice you’d talk the night away.

Your brother used to tease you about it, going on about how you’d give up the delights of the delicious foods and games only held on this night for some girl oceans away, but he stopped when he came home to you staring at the phone with your knees brought up to your chest. Lin was a bit older than you, what with you only being thirty but you didn’t think that would stop her from contacting you… Until it did, because that had to be the reason she cut you out. You must not be mature enough for her.

“Of course, I…” Lin drops her hand, seeming to have forgotten it was even there. She clears her throat and sighs “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had skipped this.” Sokka was like a father to Lin, that much you know. Lin didn’t know her real father and so he had stepped up to fill that male role in her and Suyin’s life. When he had taken in you and your brother, he had immediately introduced you to all the Beifong women, you’d been crying about feeling so alone, the weight of it crushing you, and they all helped piece you back together. You were only seventeen then and terrified of a world without your father.

Now you’re thirty and honestly, you’re terrified of a world without your grandfather. You gulp and a shudder passes through your body as you try to keep it all down. Lin must notice this because she wraps her arms around you and presses you close. You immediately wrap your arms around her waist and bury your face into her neck as you cry. Technically you should become the new Chief, but you’d begged your younger brother to take the role, the idea of ruling a nation made your hair fall. You stay there in each other’s arms until your fingertips start to go numb and when you pull away with a groan, Lin leads you to your home. You ask her if you can go there instead of to the wake, you don’t want to listen to even more people offer their condolences.

“Of course, whatever you want” she replies, your arm is looped through hers and she sets her hand on top of yours, she states its to keep you warm and maybe it is, but you like to think its because she likes you back. Once inside she lets go of you, and you reluctantly drop your arms, it’s unbearably silent and you immediately try to busy yourself.

“Tea?” you say, grabbing the pot and filling it with water. Lin is used to seeing you do this to avoid any type of serious conversation, you busy yourself with something and usually, it ends up being tea. “I’d love a cup,” she says softly, it’s best to let you get it out of your system.

She sits down onto your couch that is covered in different thick fur blankets, Lin picks a familiar one up, it’s from your first boyfriend, he’d gone on a hunt with your grandfather and skinned it into a blanket just for you, he thought it was truly romantic whilst you held it with a look of fake happiness. Once alone you’d looked at Lin and laughed, you joked about how barbaric that was and how you’d never want a significant other to give you a dead animal in the future.

Besides, blankets were typical presents older relatives gave in the south pole. A chuckle escapes her as she fingers the blanket, you glance over and blush at the sight of Lin sitting so comfortably in your home. Even when she came to visit Suki she’d been quite distant, she still comforted you but left shortly after. It made you cry even harder than you already were, but your friends held you together and tried to convince you to get over her. But you knew you never would.

Lin has her legs spread open with her elbows on her knees as she stares at that stupid blanket. “Can’t believe you kept this” she says, breaking the silence. The whistle of the teapot keeps you from replying at first, you pour the hot water into two cups along with the jasmine leaves. You picked them both up and walked over to her, she leaned up and took her cup, “thank you.”

You sit down on the other side of the couch and hold the steaming cup between your hands. “I don’t throw out gifts people give me” you admit, softly blowing at your tea. Unbeknownst to the earth bender, you have a wooden box hidden away underneath your bed, and inside is every gift Lin has ever given you. Even the box itself was a gift from her.

“Not a single one?” She asks, raising her brows. You’ve been given some weird stuff over the years especially seeing as you were originally next in line to be chief, everyone tried to butter you up with so many things you’d never use nor want. “Nope” you reply.

You take a sip of your tea and let out a hiss at the burnt feeling it leaves on your tongue, but you like it, it distracts you from the pounding in your chest. “Even…” Lin pauses, she looks down at the teacup in her hands, its a set Iroh II sent you last year for your birthday, he said it reminded him of the south pole with the deep bluefish and the silver snowflakes smattered about. “Even my gifts?”

You swallow down a large gulp of tea that scolds your throat on the way down and nod, “Uhm, yeah I still have them all.”

“Can I see?” Well, you most certainly didn’t expect that spirits help you. “Sure, yeah I’ll go grab them,” You say, you hastily set your cup on your coffee table, some of the contents slosh out the side but you simply leave it be and practically race into your room. Your cheeks feel warm, you bring your hands up to your face and walk over to the mirror on top of your dresser.

Almost your whole face is red due to embarrassment, but you could never say no to Lin and so you take a deep breath and pull the box out from under your bed. It’s a carved box, with details of fish and polar dogs on the side, on top of it is your full name in elegant handwriting. Lin had made this for you using her bending, she swore it only took a few hours but with the craftsmanship of it your so sure it had taken weeks to prepare.

“You can do this, it’s just Lin,” you say to yourself, but that’s the problem, it’s Lin. You’d dated so many people in hopes of getting over her but at the end of the day, you’d always wish the person beside you in bed was a grouchy earth bender with a scar across her cheek. It’s honestly embarrassing, you’d never even dated, never even kissed. But alas, feelings are a horrible thing.

You finally work up the courage to leave the comfort of your darkroom and reenter the living room, Lin’s eyes widen at the box in your arms and you set it between the two of you on the couch, you don’t notice, to transfixed by the calluses on your hands to see Lin blushing at the sight. She made this for you for your first birthday as friends, she honestly forgot it even existed up until now.

Lin hesitantly flicks up the latch and opens it up. The box lets out a loud creak that makes you cringe a bit. Inside is everything, it’s like a time capsule and Lin is truly speechless. The necklace she metal bent you, the ticket you got from the pro-bending match you both attended together, which was your first-ever as well. A dress is folded underneath along with every letter ever sent to you. What makes Lin’s whole body freeze is the sight of a pressed flower encased in glass to protect it.

She had given you that flower when you visited republic city one summer, you had been crying over some stupid girl who decided you weren’t enough to make her happy, way before that day you had once ranted to Lin about how all you ever wanted from someone was a flower, you said it seemed so intimate and personal. She’d given it to you in hopes of cheering you up. It was worth going to the florist, your whole face lit up and your tears ceased as you marveled at it.

“It’s just a simple panda lily” Lin had said, trying her hardest to keep her composure at that moment, knowing that she made you smile that big made her feel like she was some kind of hero, she had thought about how she never wanted you to direct that smile at anyone else but her, it was different from your usual one.

You look up from your lap and your whole face flushes a deep red when you see what’s halted her movements. “I didn’t know you kept all this,” Lin says softly, she clears her throat and pulls away from the box, you hastily shut it, latching the lock back into place and setting it down onto the floor, out of sight.

“I told you, I keep everything…” you look down at your hands, you may keep everything simply to be polite, but you kept everything from her because holding it made you feel like she was with you.

“Even a stupid flower?” Lin quirks a brow and you gasp, your eyes shooting up to look into her green ones.

“It’s not a stupid flower, it was one of the best gifts I’ve ever been given!”

“It’s not even one of those rare ones, it’s just a panda lily” Lin replies. She doesn’t know why she’s saying this, maybe she wants you to say something, admit something that might give her even just a speck of hope.

“It’s…” you sigh, your brows knit together in frustration, “it’s the only gift I’ve ever received that made me feel special and I’d like it if you wouldn’t talk badly of it.”

“Why does it make you feel so special?” Again, she’s hoping you keep going, keep giving her something to go off of. You roll your eyes and stand up, picking up the box as well.

“It’s nothing, I should… I should get some sleep” you say before disappearing into your room. You aren’t sure when she leaves but you do know when you wake up the next morning the teacups have been cleaned and she’s nowhere in sight. You’re such a coward, she already hardly keeps in contact with you, she probably won’t at all anymore. There goes your twice a year letters.

You get ready for the day and head over to the Chief’s house where you know your brother and friends will be, maybe they can calm you down before dinner tonight where Lin will probably be. When you arrive your brother is nowhere to be seen, instead you find your Kyoshi friends who all give you tight, long hugs. When you reach your best friend she hugs you longer and murmurs “I’m sorry about your grandfather and Lin.”

You rip yourself out of her grasp, your face pinched in confusion “what happened to Lin?” you ask, the warriors all look at each other, waiting for one of them to fess up. “She told your brother republic city needed her back sooner than she thought, said she’s gonna take the first boat back.” One of your friends says softly with a pitying look, no.

You push past them and race down the stairs, the first trade ship docks around the afternoon and leaves the harbor only an hour after, It should still be in port if you make it in time. You race down the wide icy streets of your home as fast as you can, just two more blocks, you tell yourself. You zip around a corner and crash into something hard and wooden, you crash to the ground and let out a groan at the pain the erupts from your fall.

“My cabbages!” a man yells out and you open your eyes to see dozens of cabbages rolling around. “You-” he turns to you with a face full of rage but you pull yourself up despite the aches in your bones and run past him.

“I am so sorry!” you yell over your shoulder, there it is, the port. It’s in front of your eyes and there’s a trade ship still docked there, you don’t slow down as you weave past oncoming traffic and race down the steps before finally you’re on the icy dock, and ahead of you is her, she’s talking to one of the men loading the ship, probably ordering him around, you think fondly. You run over to her, her back is facing you so she doesn’t see you run-up, so you grip her arm and spin her around.

She’s surprised and you see her shoot out a metal wire which thankfully misses you, when she sees it’s you her face pinches in annoyance “I could have hurt you! You can’t just snea-” you interrupt her in a way you’ve only ever dreamed of doing and pull her lips down to crash into your own. She lets a sound of surprise that sounds like a mixture between a squeak and a groan which if she doesn’t slap you across the face and shun you for eternity you might just tease her about it.

At first, she remains completely still and the courage that finally pumped through your veins vanishes, you pull away from her, your hands dropping from her cheeks as you try to formulate an apology in your head. Before you can even think of one, Lin has pulled you back into a kiss and this time she readily returns it. Her hands thread through your hair and tilt your head back so she can properly slant her lips against yours and spirits, this feels better than your wildest dreams.

Her lips are so soft and her hands are rough from a lifetime of work and fighting away bad guys but you love it, you love the feeling of them against your cheeks, of her long fingers tugging your hair.

Finally, you pull away for air and you stare deep into Lin’s eyes, she keeps her hands in your hair as you blurt out, “I know this is a really bad time but if I don’t blurt it out now I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you. I think I’m in love with you!” Your voice raises a bit at the end. “It was special to me not because it was a flower, like I had ranted about years before you even gave it to me, but because you gave it to me!”

Lin looks deep into your eyes as you confess to her, all these years she’s been pulling more and more away from you in fear she might slip up about her feelings but you’ve reciprocated them all along if she had just told you sooner as she’d always dreamed of.

“I…” Lin blushes, she’s not good with words or talking about her feelings but she knows she needs to say this, even if you don’t make her, “I love you too, I think I realized that day when I gave you the panda lily.”

Laughter bubbles up through your throat and it escapes you, she’s loved you all these years? Spirits you both are clueless.

“If you’ll let me, I’ll like to give you a million more,” she says softly, you bite your lip to keep from grinning to wide as you slowly nod. “I’d love that.”

#request #lin beifong #lin beifong x reader #lin beifong/reader #lok #legend of kora #sokka #suki #kyoshi #toph #suyin #angst #fluffy ending

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nadisabug · 4 years

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Zuko’s Story

Summary: Y/n is a fan of tea, but she's an even bigger fan of the cute boy who sells it at the Jasmine Dragon. Prompts: 1. “I think I’m falling in love with you, and it scares me.” 4. “I’ve always been in love with you, since the beginning.” 11. “You look beautiful.” 23. "I really like having you around." Fandom: ATLA Pairing: Zuko x reader Warnings: none A/N: This is for @fromthewatertribe‘s 1k event! This was an idea I had before but saw your prompts and knew it would fit perfectly!

I slowly sipped on my tea, eyeing the cute server. I had been gawking at him for who knows how long, but I knew he wouldn't notice. He never noticed.

I knew his name was Lee by hearing it around the shop. I had been coming every single day for the past three weeks during my little brother Cam's bending lessons. I wasn't a bender, but he was, and I was determined for him to learn. Ever since our father had been taken away for bending when the fire nation raided our village, I knew he had to learn. I ran away with him the day I learned he could bend, refusing to let them take him too. As a result, we ended up as refugees in the last safe place there was, Ba Sing Se. And, even though money was so unbearably tight, I insisted that he go to regular lessons to learn how to bend. I was not going to let his talent be wasted.

"Would you like more tea?" I was startled out of my thoughts my a low voice beside me. I looked up quickly and had to fight back a blush. Of course it was Lee.

"No thanks, handsome," I blatantly flirted with him like usual and pressed a coin into his palm. He blinked a couple times before closing his hand around the coin. I got up and left him at the table, exiting the shop. It was about time I picked up Cam anyways.

I began to walk in the general direction of Cam's lessons. I didn't make it far, though. After a few minutes of walking, I was roughly pulled into an alley. I tried to scream, but a hand muffled my attempts. I twisted and thrashed, but my assailant had caught me well off guard so there was not much I could do to free myself. So, I stopped trying to free myself. I decided to wait until I saw an opening and take it. I had a whole plan in motion but it was shattered when I saw who had grabbed me.

"Lee?" I mumbled through his hand. I scrunched my eyebrows together and relaxed in his hold. It was only then that I processed how close we were. He had my wrists clasped behind my back, the rest of his arm pressing his body to mine. He was half a head taller then me, so he was looming over me.

"How to you know my name?" He rasped angrily. He lowered his hand from my mouth, which I appreciated, but when he brought it back he was holding a knife. I guess I preferred being muffled. He held the blade to my throat as a threat.

Well, I guess he finally noticed my staring.

"I heard it around the shop," I answered truthfully. To be honest, I was scared out of my mind. But, I was also a little bit turned on. This guy was really hot and the tough guy act sure wasn't helping my heartbeat. He was a lot cuter up close, I thought, then cursed at myself. That's what I was thinking about when I had a knife to my throat? However, for some reason, I didn't feel like he would hurt me. Be it the result of my crush or intuition, I just couldn't bring myself to be scared.

"Why do you stare at me all the time? What do you know? Do you know who I am?" He paused for a millisecond. "Answer me!" He shouted.

I opened and closed my mouth, I was sure I looked like a koi. "I, uh, don't know how to answer that," I replied carefully. "But I have no idea who you are or anything else pertaining to you for that matter."

"Then why are you always in the shop? And why do you always stare at me?" He asked the same question again and I knew I would have to give him a response. He wasn't going to let this one go.

"I like tea?" I said meekly. He gave me a hard stare in response. I sighed in defeat and slumped a little bit. I broke eye contact and looked off to the side to make sure no one was coming. It would be hard for Lee to explain his way out of that one. "Can you let me go at least?" I finally sighed. "I am not going to hurt you, you are the one with the knife."

Lee frowned but nodded and let me go. I shook out my arms, slightly numb from the awkward angle, and sighed in relief.

"Now tell me," Lee began, raising his knife to my throat again. "What business do you have with me?"

I rolled my eyes and pushed the knife away, no longer really scared. If Lee was a bad guy, he never would have let me go. "None? Listen if you want the truth, here it is. I think you're cute so I like going to the shop and watching you work. Nothing malicious."

"Oh," he said softly, lowering his knife.

"I am really sorry for staring at you all the time, I'll stop coming if that's what you want-well of course it's what you want of course you don't want some freak staring-"

"No." Thankfully, Lee cut off my rambling. "I, uh, well... I don't mind, well it's not that I don't mind but I really like having you around the shop."

"Oh," I breathed, a flush rising to my cheeks.

"Yeah," he muttered quietly and looked away. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and quickly added, "You bring the tea shop a lot of business!"

"Oh," I said again, this time less excited. "Yeah I guess so," I muttered dejectedly.

"Well that's not it," Lee quickly followed up. "I mean I like your presence in the tea shop, you're really nice and tip well and ugh that's not what I mean I am just going to stop talking."

"I think that would be for the best," I chuckled. Then I looked at him again. He was so unbearably cute and I was sure I would never get another opportunity like this again, so I decided to go for it. "Look, I think you're really cute. Want to go out sometime?"

"Uh, I just held a knife to your throat," he responded dumbly. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, now. Date?"

"He would love to!" A voice shouted from the opening of the alley. The old man who ran the tea shop, Iroh, walked towards us.

"Uncle!" Lee called indignantly. "Why are you here?"

"I was worried when you left so abruptly and good thing I came because you almost would have messed up this date with this lovely girl," Iroh shot me a wink.

"How long were you there?" Lee asked, a flush of embarrassment rising to his cheeks.

"Long enough," he quickly responded. "How about tonight at sundown in front of the shop," Iroh asked me.

"Sure," I nodded. "He's gotta make up for this whole endeavor somehow," I smirked and shot Lee a look. With that, I waved goodbye to the two guys and headed off to pick up Cam. This wasn't such a bad day afterall.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Okay Cam, I want you right in bed at sundown, you hear me? No waiting up for me."

"Why, you planning to be out late with your boyfriend?" Cam shot back all too happily.

"No, because you have your lesson at sunrise," I said quickly, making sure I had everything I needed. Would Lee pay? I wasn't sure but I brought my purse just in case. "I worked hard to get us to the middle ring so that you could have a proper teacher and I will not have you being late!"

I felt Cam roll his eyes and sigh at me. "Yes, mom," he groaned. "At least tell me his name."

I turned to Cam, pursing my lips. I had tried to keep this whole date a secret from him, but having a nosy 12 year old in the house wasn't conducive to secrets. He had found out shortly after I picked him up, asking why I was late and accusing me of being out with a boy. When I flushed and stammered in response, he jumped on the opportunity. That was his go to accusation, it just so happened that this time he was right. Not in the way he thought, of course, but partially I suppose. I mean I did ask Lee out on a date.

I thought for a moment, then figured Cam would find out at some point who it was, especially if we went on more dates. I tried not to get my hopes up at the thought.

"It's Lee."

Cam gasped dramatically. "From the tea shop?"

"Yes from the tea shop," I huffed and spun on my heel. I walked over to a mirror hanging on the wall and checked my makeup one more time. I needed to leave soon if I was going to make it on time.

"To imagine, a love blooming from malicious stalkering-"

"I keep thinking you cannot get more stupid and then you prove me wrong every single time," I sighed.

Cam gasped dramatically again. "Wounded, by my own sister!" He cried. "Besides, am I wrong that you stalk him? I bet what happened was he confronted you about your stalker-ering and you were all like 'I've always been in love with you, since the beginning of time-'"

"Oh hush." I turned towards the door so that he couldn't see my blush. I mean, he wasn't that wrong. Lee did confront me about the stalk- watching of him, and I did confess in a way. "I am leaving now. When will you be in bed?"

"By sundown," Cam responded in a high pitched voice, obviously mocking me.

"Okay, bye. Be good," I said as a final goodbye and left.

My walk to the Jasmine Dragon was uneventful at best. Once I got there, I saw Lee outside. He was wearing a nice suit, his hair parted in the middle and slicked to each side. I whistled as I approached.

"Nice 'do, hot stuff," I grinned. He turned to face me, and unless I was mistaken, a blush rose to his cheeks.

"You look beautiful," he blurted, then flushed a bright red that I knew I wasn't imagining.

I was caught off guard by his blatant confession, and I felt a heat creep up my neck. "Uh, thank you. You don't look to bad yourself, though I do think I like your hair all messy better."

"Oh." Zuko reached up and ruffled it, messing it all up. "Like that," he smiled.

"Like that."

"It took my uncle ten minutes to do my hair," he commented.

"Well it took you a few seconds to mess it up, now come on, let's go. I know a great restaurant that's super cheap but super good," I said and grabbed his hand, tugging him after me.

Eating was awkward if anything. Lee wasn't the biggest conversationalist, not wanting to talk about anything about himself, and the food was mediocre at best. It was cheap, though.

"Let's split the bill," I said when we were done eating. Lee opened his mouth to argue, but I stopped him. "I picked the place so it is partially my fault the food was so bad."

"I didn't know you were in the kitchen," Lee smirked.

"You don't know a lot of things about me," I grinned cheekily. At that, Lee's face darkened. He was hiding something big, I knew it. It was probably something about his past, seeing as he was so guarded about it.

"Come on," I said, breaking the tense silence. "Let's get out of here."

The waiter arrived and we paid our check. Luckily, they gave us two cups of tea to go. I took mine and Lee took his and we were on our way.

"Ugh," I groaned, sipping my tea. "This is disgusting, its so cold."

"Here," Lee reached out and took it from me. He held onto it for a second then handed it back. Miraculously, it was hot when he handed it back.

"What the..." Then it hit me. The only way he could have done that was if he was a firebender. I looked up at him in surprise, ready to make a run for it, but then I took another look at him. It wasn't like a Earth bender gave him that scar, and he was here for a reason, probably to start over. That's why he was so defensive about who he was when he questioned me earlier today. So I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He hadn't hurt me yet, and he didn't hurt me when we thought we were alone in that alley, so I doubted that he'd hurt me now.

"Thanks," I finally decided on with a smile. I let him walk me back to my place, knowing Cam was probably still awake. When we reached my door, I turned to him. "Thank you for taking me out."

"Thank you for uh, not getting mad I held a knife to your throat," he replied, shyly rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well, I don't know if I'm still over that," I said with a small smirk. "I might need another date to see if I forgive you."

Lee's eyes darkened. "I don't know if I can do this-"

"Oh come on," I sighed. "I liked spending time with you, I hope you liked spending time with me. It's not like we're going to get married, just hang out a bit more. Come on, one more date and that's it."

Lee sighed. "One more date. And that's it."

"And that's it." I agreed with finality.

After that, we started going out on dates every few days. We went to festivals together, tried out new restaurants, and even went out on picnics. It was on one of those picnics that I finally decided to confess to him. We were up on a hill under the shade of a great tree, looking out over the sprawling city. We had lapsed into silence.

"I need to tell you something-" We both said at the same time. We both flushed and turned away.

"You first," I said.

"No you." I stayed silent, staring at Lee expectantly until he sighed and caved. "Fine. I think... Well look. There's still so much you don't know about me. I've done some pretty horrible things in my past."

"I think people can change," I asserted.

Lee shook his head. "Terrible, horrible things. Things no one should ever dream of doing. But I did them. I thought that I had lost my honor and that somehow my father could restore it to me... but now... now I am not so sure." He turned to me and grabbed my hands. "Ever since I met you I've felt like I was an impostor, a fake pretending to be someone I wasn't. Now I think this is me." He sighed and closed his eyes. "What I'm trying to say it that I think I'm falling in love with you and it scares me."

I leaned up and moved to kiss him, but he pulled away. "Why?" I said, hurt in my voice.

Lee grasped both of my cheeks and pulled our foreheads together. "Listen, I have to do something before we can be together. I need to make up for my mistakes. I got a message last night inviting my uncle and I to serve tea to the King. I think it's a trap. The Avatar is in the city which means my sister is not far behind."

"Your sister... Who are you?" My voice was barely over a whisper, I was surprised it didn't get lost in the wind.

"I am Zuko, Crown Prince of the Fire Nation."

I paused, my head reeling. I knew he was a firebender but the prince? The prince of the Fire Nation? It was a lot to take in. Luckily he gave me my time and waited patiently for my next question. "And you think its a trap but you're still going to go?" I asked in bewilderment.

"Yes. I need to stop running away from my destiny. You helped me realize that I'm not bad, I can be good."

"What is your destiny?" I asked breathlessly.

"To teach the Avatar firebending."

I pulled my head away from his so that I could get a good look at him. "Then go. And don't you dare not think about coming back for me."

"I will." Lee- no, Zuko looked like he was hesitating, then he pulled me into ferocious kiss, stealing my breath away from me. When we separated, we placed our foreheads together, gasping for air, our breaths intermingling.

"You have no idea how long I have been waiting to do that," I gasped, but smiled.

"I feel the same," Zuko smiled too. "Now come on, let's go."

With that, he walked me home and then walked right out of my life, leaving me to wonder if I would ever see him again.

#Ahhh sorry this was getting so long #i might make a reunion part if you guys like it #but anyways #I loved writing this and thank you to nina for hosting this event!#and congrats on 1k!#ninas 1k event #fromthewatertribe #zuko x reader #atla x reader #zuko imagine #prince zuko #atla imagine #atla #avatar: tla #ps i may be writing another shhhh dont tell nina lol

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tehfabbooty · 4 years

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Jealous Part 2

The next morning came quickly. You started the day by sneaking to houses on the outskirts of the city to find clothes to disguise yourselves in. While dressing your self in some green and black clothing, gou watched Katara helping Toph with disguising here intrigued by the waterbender's makeup skills.

"....And there. Not too much that you'll stick out to people, but enough to make it more difficult to recognize you,"Katara said as she applied the last touches.

"Thanks, Katara. I would've done it myself, but ya know...,"the blind girl said, grinning.

She was stunning with her hair down like that, you thought in jealousy. Her long black hair went down to her butt, her bangs pinned away to show more of her face. Katara somehow had adjusted Toph's everyday clothes to look a little different and a little more feminine and it made you jealous with how great she looked while you, a waterbender, looked awkward as hell in your earthbender clothing.

Zuko noticed your jealous looks at Toph, so gaining courage, he walked by as if in passing and muttered to you, "You look amazing, Y/N. Like a real earthbender."

You blushed, just now noticing him in his disguise. "T-thank you, Zuko. So do you."

Zuko was dressed in a pretty similar outfit to what he wore in Ba Sing Se, it was just missing the hat he wore to cover his scar. But his hair made up for it, being long enough for partially cover the scar.

His face reddened as well. "Thanks."

You two stood there for a few seconds, awkwardly waiting for the other to say something, but Sokka started talking to the group again.

"All right, everyone dressed and ready? Great. Oh wow, you look great, Toph!"he said, making the earthbender blush, which you have never seen her do before.

"Okay, anyways, we are going to split up in twos. Katara and Y/N, you girls do the shopping for anything useful to us since you're girls, you love shopping -"

Katara punched him in the arm.

"- You didn't let me finish!"Sokka whined, rubbing his arm. "And you're the most responsible and smart with money."

"Aww, thanks Sokka." You walked up and kissed his cheek.

The green-eyed monster flared its head again inside Zuko. It took a little bit of control, but Zuko managed to not huff and glare at Sokka. He just thinned his lips into a thin line.

"Toph, you come with me. We do well with food shopping. Aang and Zuko, you guys search the other areas looking for anything useful to us also, like weapons and other resources. Or information we could use. Also keep a lookout for any Fire Nation soldiers,"Sokka added. "You guys are our best defense. Anyways, we meet back here by evening or sooner. Got it?"

Everyone agreed, then set off for the city of Kuidaore.

......

Around midday, you stopped at a stand to get a drink while Katara scoped a jewelry store out.

"Hey, Y/N, come look at this!"

You paid for your drink before following the water bender inside the store.

"What is it?"you asked before freezing inside the door.

All around the store before you were jewelry pieces from all four nations. You have never seen a store so diverse that it included all nations, especially the Fire Nation. Your jaw dropped as you walked around, amazed.

"Whoa,"you whispered to Katara as you both gaped at Earth Nation jewelry before Katara and you set your eyes on the water bending pieces.

"Oh my God. It's so beautiful,"you said in awe as you stared at a neck choker. It had an opal gemstone, your birth gemstone in the center of the choker necklace. All along the rest of the piece were smaller Opal stones varying in shades of blue along the clear material of the fabric of the choker, making it appear as if only Opals adorned your neck.

"Ooh, that is beautiful,"Katara agreed in a hushed tone.

"May I help you ladies with something?"a strong male voice said behind you.

Gasping in surprise, you and Katara spun around to face a man no older than nineteen staring down at you with a smile on his kind, handsome face.

"Oh, I apologize for scaring you. My name is Lin Chang, and I own this fine establishment,"he boasted, puffing his chest out a little.

You and Katara exchanged glances before giggling a little. "Well, aren't you successful then,"you told the man. "You have gorgeous jewelry, Mr. Chang."

He beamed at you. "Please, call me Lin."

You smiled wider. "Okay, Lin."

He turned his attention back to Katara. "I see you ladies have an eye for our Water Tribe pieces. Would you like to try some on?"

Katara's eyes widened in excitement. "Ooh, yes please! Can I try that one on?"

As Katara tried on a bracelet, you smiled kindly at Lin. "I won't be trying on anything today, Lin. But thank you."

You made your way around the store, checking out the other nation's cultural pieces.

Stopping at the Fire Nation's area, you eyed the beautiful gold and red ornate pieces in wonder. Red had always been your favorite color for some reason.

Finally, you stopped at something that made your heart soar.

There, in a glass case by itself, was a gorgeous Fire Lily hair piece, a piece that looked similar to what the royals would wear in their hair, except it looked exactly like a Fire Lily. Orange, red and gold. You couldn't tear your eyes away from it.

Heart thudding in your chest, you suddenly remembered a conversation you once had with Zuko. How his favorite flower had always been Fire Lily's. Since orange was his favorite color.

Swallowing hard, you looked at the price tag and your eyes widened in shock before your face fell in disappointment. It was way too expensive for you to just drop that kind of money on. But it was so beautiful...

"Hey, Y/N. Find anything interesting?" Katara had suddenly appeared next to you, scaring you.

"Oh, uh. Nothing." You blushed furiously.

"Wait, why are you looking at Fire Nation jewelry? Don't you want to -" She stopped talking before a grin spread across her face. "Wait, are you shopping for your lover boy?"

You gasped in embarrassment. "Katara! He is not my lover boy!"you hissed, face so red it matched the Fire Nation pieces.

She giggled. "Whatever you say."

"He's not! I just like .. The uh, style. I like the jewelry they make. And, I love red." Your eyes darted away from Katara's, looking for an escape.

She giggled again. "Mmm, okay, Y/N." Her eyes landed on the hair piece you were just admiring. "Oh! That is so gorgeous!" She got closer to it, her eyes scanning the details of it. "This would look amazing on you!"

Your eyes widened, shocked. "It would?"

"Of course!"Katara replied. "You should get it!"

"But it's so expensive, Katara. I don't want to spend TOO much money...,"you said worriedly.

She scoffed. "Oh, please. Treat yourself this one time. I think it'll be worth it. And besides...." She got close to your ear. "I doubt he'd be able to resist you with this thing on."

"Katara!"

You both giggled to yourselves, unaware of Lin's eyes watching you.

.....

"Ugh this so boring! Why do girls like this?" Zuko complained as Aang just HAD to scope out every shop and stand.

It was already midday and they barely had seen a quarter of the area they were supposed to scope out, due to Aang wanting to read and learn and gawk at every little thing he found interesting.

"Calm down, Hot man. This is the last item here. Then we can move to the next shop, I swear!"

Aang had stopped to look at an air bending toy, amazed by how the air would keep it spinning without anyone physically touching it.

Zuko sighed. This was going to be a long day. Especially without seeing you. Is it sad Zuko was already missing you and it's only been a couple of hours?

By the time it reached late afternoon, Aang finally stopped checking out every detail, complaining about being tired and hungry and needing a rest. Relieved, Zuko led him to a nice little restaurant.

"So what looks good to you, Zuko? I can't decide!"Aang exclaimed excitedly.

"Oh, uh. I'm not really hungry. I think I'll take a walk while you eat,"he told the young avatar.

"Okay! Don't go too far."

Zuko grunted in response before leaving the small cafe and heading down the street.

Finally, some time to myself, Zuko thought.

As he strolled through the city, giving soft smiles to little kids and nodding at other citizens walking past, he suddenly noticed something intriguing.

Fire Nation colors through one of the windows of a store caught his eye, so he decided to check it out.

Upon entering the store, he realized it was just a jewelry shop.

"Meh,"he said to himself, turning to leave, but he noticed something.

He approached the counter cautiously, his eyes roaming over the beautiful piece of jewelry.

Remembering that you had told him your birthday was in October, his eyes stopped on a gorgeous neck choker covered in small opals around the clear fabric, before his eyes stopped on the Opal in the center.

He pursed his lips, considering.

A few minutes later, he exited the shop, accidentally running into Aang outside.

"Hey! There you are. I told you not to go too far,"Aang said.

"I didn't." Zuko leaned towards Aang's ear and in a low voice said, "But I need your advice again."

.......

Evening was slowly beginning to roll in, and you knew you needed to head back to the rendezvous point, but you and Katara were having too much fun enjoyingthe city, finally living like you weren't fugitives.

Stopping at a small cafe, you two decided to get a cup of tea before heading back to camp.

You told Katara your order before finding a nice table near the wall and the front door so as to keep an eye on anyone passing.

You sat down before closing your eyes and smiling to yourself. It was such an amazing day. Sokka was a genius, you thought to yourself.

Suddenly, a voice started speaking to you that you recognized. It was Lin from his jewelry shop!

"Hey, Y/N, is it? Funny seeing you again!"the boy exclaimed, stopping by your table.

"Oh. Hi, Lin! Nice seeing you too!"you replied with a small smile.

Suddenly Katara appeared. "They gave us to-go culs since they're closing,"Katara told you. "We should head back."

She turned to Lin, realizing his presence. "Oh, hey, Lin!"

"Hello. Would you ladies like me to accompany you back?"he asked politely, his eyes darting between you and Katara, but mainly staying glued to you.

"Oh, uh. That isn't necessary, but thank you!"Katara answered sweetly.

Standing up, you two headed out of the shop.

But Lin followed. He jogged to catch up with you.

"Then I can just walk you to the edge of the city. I figured you girls must be camping nearby. I've never seen you ladies before,"Lin said, smiling.

"Oh, uh, thank you. We appreciate it,"you told him, getting a tad creeped out now.

Meanwhile Zuko and Aang were also just starting to leave to head back to camp.

"Man, today was so fun. I miss days like these!"Aang said sadly.

"Don't worry. You'll get plenty more of these once we end the war,"Zuko assured him.

Aang decided to change subjects, so he started rambling on about something else, but Zuko wasn't listening now. His eyes picked up something. Something he didn't fucking like. At all.

Ahead of them were you and Katara. He was relieved to know you were safe. But there was a man next you. One he didn't recognize. One who was getting too friendly with you.

And you seemed to be enjoying it.

The green-eyed monster inside Zuko reared its head back again, furious. It threatened to break out. Zuko had to clench his fists and bite his lip to keep from blasting that asshole into smithereens.

Aang, who finally drifted off into silence noticing Zuko wasn't listening, finally seen what his firebending friend was glaring at.

"Uh, Zuko -"

"I'm not going to hurt him, Aang. I promise,"he muttered quietly to him.

Finally they reached the outskirts of the city, where Mr. Asshole finally parted ways with you, but not before touching your shoulder and smiling down at you.

Zuko could feel his blood boiling.

This was it. This was where Zuko was going to lose his shit.

Suddenly, a hand touched Zuko's overheated arm. He glared daggers down at Aang for a moment before stopping to take a breath.

"Good. You have controlled your anger. Now that's something Azula definitely can't do,"Aang complimented him.

Zuko chuckled lightly, but he was still furious. How dare this strange man touch HIS girl? The fuck. How dare she LET him touch her.

Ah, well. At least we'll never see that bastard again, Zuko thought to himself smugly.

Back at camp, everyone marveled about their finds. But Zuko couldn't concentrate or join in. His eyes burned into your face. He so badly wanted to just claim you now, in front of everyone. But he knew he had to wait.

But patience was something Zuko of the Fire Nation just did not have.

Standing up, he marched over to you, grabbed your arm and said, "Can we talk?"

You looked up, startled. You've never seen Zuko so mad before. Sure, you've witnessed his rage, but never seen such a wild fire burning in his golden eyes like this. It worried you. Did you do something wrong?

Before you could answer, he led you away anyways.

It was a good ten minutes later, and you wanted to ask where he was taking you, but you didn't dare. You kept quiet.

Finally, he stopped. His grip on your arm didn't loosen.

You stared at the back of his head. "Uh, Zuko, can you let go -"

He spun around to face you, anger and jealousy all over his face. This was kind of hot, you weren't gonna lie.

"Who was he?!"he demanded.

"Uh, who, Zuko?"

"Don't play dumb! That man you were flirting with!"he snapped.

Your eyes widened. "What? Flirting? I wasn't flirting with anyone!"

"Bullshit! I saw the way you looked at him!"

"I wasn't looking at him in any sort of way! Damn, Zuko, what has gotten into you -"

Suddenly he backed you into a tree, both hands slamming to either side of your head, trapping you between the tree and his body.

"Bull. Shit,"he said through gritted teeth.

You rolled your eyes. "He was just a shop owner. We went into his shop earlier to check out his jewelry -"

Zuko's eyes widened a little. Jewelry shop?! Must be that one he went into earlier. . .

Eyes not narrowing, he leaned in a little and whispered, "Yeah? So why was he walking you outside?"

Your face flushed. "Why does it matter?"

"Cause it just does!"

A smile started to appear on your lips. "Are. Are you jealous?"

Zuko stared at you in shock. "N-no! I just ... I just don't trust him! And you shouldn't either!"

"I was safe. I was with Katara, Zuko,"you explained calmly. Though you were not calm.you had goosebumps all up and down your skin, your heart was pounding in your chest at his proximity, and a blush was forming on your cheeks.

"Yeah, well. He could've killed both of you. Or followed you back to us!"he blubbered.

"We could've handled him even if he did!"you shot back.

"How would you know? Two water benders against - what - an earth bender? Or maybe a fire bender!"

You groaned. "I can take care of myself. Even if I somehow died, you still got Katara. Nobody actually needs me -"

His eyes bulged out of his head. "Nobody needs you?? I need you! I've always needed you! I'll ALWAYS need you!"

Before you could reply, he slammed his lips into yours, finally claiming what was his.

Letting the shock subside, you wrapped your arms around his neck, moulding your lips with his.

He shoved his whole body onto you, crushing you against the tree as his tongue invaded your mouth. You moaned at the feeling of his weight on you, and you felt him smile against your lips.

After a few, he pulled away, staring lovingly at your swollen lips. "You are mine. All mine. Nobody else's."

Before you could respond, he pulled you towards him and laid you down on the ground.

"And I'm gonna show you!"he exclaimed.

Suddenly you felt your pants disappear. Seeing that you have gone commando, Zuko groaned in delight before burying his face into your pussy, using his arms to pin your legs and body in place as he ate you like the queen he thought you to be.

"Ahh, fuck! Zuko!" you moaned loudly.

You felt him chuckle against you. "Keep moaning, baby. I want the world to know who is mine and who I belong to,"he told you in a sultry voice.

You groaned. Him talking dirty was SO sexy.

He laughed a small laugh into your crotch. "You like that, don'tcha?"

You watched as his eyes flickered up to meets yours as his tongue darted in and out and played with your clit, making you a moaning, sweaty mess. He loved watching you fall apart for him, and especially the fact HE was the one making you fall apart. Not that douche bag shop owner.

"Mm mm mm, Zuko. Please." You had a strong grip on his hair, guiding him in your pussy and keeping him there.

He glanced up at you again. "Mm what baby?"he murmured before tongue fucking your pussy again.

It was getting too much. After everything, the jealous, his dominance, now this. . . . You needed him inside you. Right. Now.

Suddenly he stopped. He pulled his head back to look at you more clearly.

You groaned in protest.

"Tell me what you want,"Zuko said.

"Zuuuukooo,"you cried. "Please."

"Please what? Tell me what you need."

"I need you inside me! Fuck me Zuko!"you rasped.

You barely got the words out before he was stripping himself, his cock bouncing free. He lifted your legs up before positioning himself and pushing in. No hesitation, no wait for you to stretch. He was taking what was his.

"Ughhhh!"you winced in pain.

"Shut your whore mouth. You were a bad girl, flirting with another man, when all along you knew you only belonged to one man!"Zuko bellowed. "Me!"he shouted as he bottomed himself out.

You cried in pain and pleasure as his cock filled you so good.

It was only a second before he was pounding you into the dirt, his chest crushing yours as he placed his lips by your ear.

"Tell me. Who's girl are you?"

You moaned loudly.

He lifted your ass up so he could spank it. "Say it!"

"Y-y-yours Zuko!"you gasped.

"Damn fucking right. About time you learned that too." He turned his head and started attacking your neck with kisses. Sucking and swirling his tongue all around. He took your ear lobe into his mouth before letting it out with a loud pop, then went back to leaving hickeys everywhere on you.

It was too delicious. You were so close and he was making it so much worse.

His lips found their way back to your ear. "Cum for me, princess. Let me hear you moan my name while I feel your body shake."

Oh fuck. There it goes.

You cummed so hard it finally got to him too. He pulled out right as his cum spilled all over the grass next to you.

After a few minutes of panting and calming down, you both sat up. Finally, he grabbed the back of your head and forced your lips to his for a loving kiss that said everything.

After pulling away, he smiled at you. "I love you so fucking much, Y/N. You don't even know."

"I love you more,"you panted, grinning.

"Oh I don't think so. I got proof."

"What?" You looked at him in confusion as he stood up and pulled his clothes back on. You did the same, waiting for him to answer.

"Close your eyes."

You did as you were told, facing the bright full moon that hung right above both of your heads.

Suddenly you felt something on your neck and before you could say anything, he told you to turn around and open your eyes.

You did, and then gasped.

Zuko was on one knee smiling shyly at you. You looked down to see that he had bought you the opal neck choker from the shop.

"So uh . . . I heard that when you want to, uh. Um," he stuttered, blushing profusely.

Aww, you thought. He's so cute when he turns back into the shy awkward boy even though he just got done being so dominant and jealous with you.

"Will you - Ugh. Fuck it. Fuck what Aang said. Will you marry me??!"he demanded. He stared into your eyes, his full of hope and nervousness and love for you.

Your cheeks felt like they were on fire.

"Yes!!!"you shouted.

You tackled him to the ground, kissing him hard on the lips before standing up and grinning at each other.

"I got a gift for you too. But it's not for you to wear,"you admitted, blushing.

"Oh?"

"Close your eyes."

You pulled the hair piece out before fixing your hair up into a high ponytail before securing it into place at the base of the ponytail, making sure the Fire Lily faced front and center.

"Okay, you can look."

His eyes opened. He looked at you confused for a moment before his eyes caught the hair piece. His mouth dropped open and his face blushed once again.

"I guess this could signify who I belong to -"

You didn't finish as he grabbed your face and kissed you again. Then he peppered your face in kisses before pulling back and staring at it in awe.

"Yes it does signify that you belong to me. But so do these." He tapped a finger on the side of your neck, making your face redden even more.

"To be honest, I think everyone knew already."

"Yeah,"he chuckled. Then his face darkened. "But not that shop owner."

Grinning, you pulled him back into another kiss.

You definitely have to make him jealous more often.

#jealous zuko #zuko x reader #atla zuko #zuko x oc #zuko #atla

212 notes · View notes

riverspatrick · 3 years

Text

Gender-Fluid

In preparation for a project, I watched an old Channel 4 documentary called ‘What Happened To The Gender Benders?’ the day before I received Ivan Coyote’s latest book (which I will discuss in another post) and read about Demi Lovato’s new identity and Elliot Page’s six-pack. All the while, I had to fill a form before being considered eligible for the project. I was told if I selected that I identify as male, I wouldn’t get the work. I was pressured to select ‘other’. I slept on it, then decided I had to share the thought.

Non-binary doesn’t sound right to me. It sounds divisive. Us and them, which is a binary concept. Everyone I have known have questioned their gender identity in their own way, even the toughest school bully who loved getting head from me in the woods after school eventually reciprocated (he was teethy as I remember it) as long as I agreed that it didn’t make him gay. We had long conversations after our rather short acts. He was tough and sentimental. Few feel they live up to the social construct that is imposed upon them, and the level of peer pressure varies depending on where you live too. In some places, men are killed for being effeminate. Growing up in my neck-of-the-woods, you rarely saw women wearing skirts and makeup, and many men were scrawny hippies with flowers in their hair. Behind the pronouns and the title itself are questions that have been raised by past generations under different names. Gender-bender, third sex, I prefer gender-fluid to non-binary.

I was born with a penis, male is my sex, but it doesn’t define my gender. Make no mistake, I love my pleasure zone, but having a penis never made me the man my father expected me to be. I’m half a man in his eyes, which by his standard is still better than being a woman. I’ve been called he, it and she (pejoratively) before, neither bother me, I see pronouns as purely practical, not factual. Bureaucracy. Most people call me by my name in my presence and those who are closer call me ‘love’ or other nicknames of their own. I could never be ‘they’ because I reserve the pronoun for them nameless people who rule the world in the shadows, you know, the ‘they-say-this’ people? They say you should eat three meals a day. They say men are like this. They say women are like that. They say I’m pansexual because I fall in love with a person regardless of what they have between their legs. They say I’m gay because I currently love a man. I’m not they. I am singular and depending on the decade, I have been labelled differently. My friend Brenda (né Paul) insists that I am non-binary now. “That’s all the rage these days,” she said after giving me a speech on the myth of the post-op phantom-limb.

What’s wrong with androgyny? I’ve always had long hair, I love a good dollop of eyeliner and I find skirt-like garments – be it an extra long t-shirt with a belt (how eighties of me) or a kurta – refreshing. You’ll find me wondering round the shops in nothing but a custom nightshirt and Crocs. My friend Brenda makes them. Looks like a dhoti but without the cultural appropriation, inspired by that famous picture of Klimt. I don’t want to be defined by what I am not. My name is River, not Not-John or Not-Jane.

#gender #nonbinary #fluid #identity #lgbtq #lgbtqa #lgbtqiia+#lgbtqplus #peer pressure

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ash-writies · 3 years

Note

Maybe something inspired by the song 'Ours' by Taylor Swift? (Female reader) Korra or Bolin, you pick!

Today is ‘Ours’

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s song Ours

A/n: Hey sorry for posting this so late, airplanes, hotels, sick baby goats, ya know :/ Anyway ever since I started writing this the song has been stuck in my head so Thanks Anon,,, anyway I hope you enjoy <3 (I actually really like Taylor’s old songs and I used to listen to this song religiously so thanks for reminding me of its existence ;) )

2k words, paring: Bolin lok x f!reader

A little angst near the end :-|

Getting up was one of the worst parts of your day. Of course you could overlook that just for today. Seeing how today Bolin’s new NukTuk mover was going to premiere tonight. Every little thing was exciting to you. Elevators, buttons and morning air, everything had a distinct smell, whether it was rust or vintage you almost smiled as you pressed the button to call the elevator. A couple people were already on before the doors opened. As soon as they looked at you they snickered and fell silent.

“Man,” you thought, “stranger’s silence makes me wanna take the stairs.” Relief washed over you as the doors opened. Leaving the building, you pushed the thoughts back, you weren't going to let that bring this great day down.

Walking to the boutique you smiled, you were going to get a green and black dress to match his suit. Ah you couldn’t wait to get a picture of you two together. You wished he could’ve been there to give his opinion but he had some last minute things to do. As you ringed the dress up, you noticed the cashier only half paying attention as they knocked over their cup of coffee.

You stifle a laugh and think, “If you were here we’d laugh about their vacant stares.” The person quickly cleaned up that mess.

“Are you okay?” you say as you pick your dress up off the counter.

“Y-yeah everything’s okay!” they chuckled awkwardly, throwing away the wet napkins from the mess.

“Okay, have a nice day,” you waved as you stepped out of the door. A cool wind hit you, it felt nice in contrast to the hot summer sun. Next you had to go to the salon to style your hair. As you went into the hair salon you sat in the seat and waited. To your left there were two girls, a bit younger than you, were giggling behind a couple magazines. You didn’t pay much attention to them and thought about Bolin for a little bit before you decide to text him and ask what he’s doing.

“There’s just a couple more photo shoots I gotta do” he wrote, “I don't think I’ll have time to meet up before the premiere, sorry :(“

“It’s okay-” you began before two voices interrupted you. You quickly hit send before looking over.

“Hey!” one of the girls said tapping you on your shoulder, “you’re the girl dating NukTuk Right?”

“Wow,” you thought, keeping your face as blank as possible, “right now, my time is theirs.” Almost every time you left the apartment that’s all people would recognize you for.

“Eyup! That’s me” you smiled , trying to be as nice as possible.

“I think he’d be better with Ginger!” the other girl added.

“Wow,” you accidentally said out loud.

“She’s so much better looking than you,” she laughed, “And she’s famous too!”

“Seems like there’s always someone who disapproves! They’ll judge it like they know about me and you...” your voice echoed through your head.

“Stephannie!” the original girl elbowed her friend. “I’m sorry.” She pulled her friend out of the store with the person who just finished their haircut.

As you sat down in the chair the hairdresser chimed in. “Maybe you shouldn’t be with him,” she sprayed your hair and combed through it, “it seems that the thought of him stresses you out is all.”

“The verdict comes from those with nothing else to do... The jury’s out,” her voice interrupted the rest of your thoughts.

“What kind of style do you want?”

The rest of the styling went fine and no more of your personal life was brought up. After that you went to your apartment to get ready. You carefully pulled the dress over your head, careful not to mess up your makeup or hair. Thinking about the whole day up ‘til now, you thought, “None of that matters, my choice is you.” you smiled after you thought that, savoring your feelings for him. You quickly press your hand to your face and chuckle. Of course you would think something so cheesy.

Once you were done you went downstairs and waved for a taxi so you could go to the premiere early. The drive was short and you could’ve walked but you didn’t want to be sweaty when you saw Bolin for the first time today. As you pulled up to your destination you made sure your hair was in place and grabbed all of your belongings. Stepping out of the Sato-mobile you brushed a loose strand of hair out of your face, suddenly you hear a whistle. Your head snaps up in the direction the whistle came from. Bolin stood a few feet in front of you with his hand extended. A blush spread on your cheeks as you took his hand in yours.

“I hope you didn’t miss me too much,” He said as he pulled you into a hug.

Laughing, you hug him back, “I totally did.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and smiled. You both headed into the building and walked to the balcony where you two were going to sit.

“I think you're really gonna like this one!” he started as you both sat down, “It’s a romance but it mainly focuses on the hero saving the day.” You were hit with a tinge of jealousy as he said that, just how close would they be with Bolin in the mover? You smiled over it as he continued to explain. “Nuk Tuk goes through a lot of lovers before he settles on one,” he finished explaining as the lights dimmed and a hush fell over everyone.

The mover starts at the south pole where the villain first attacked. The first woman Nuk Tuk “fell in love” with was a passive waterbender who only used him for clout. At the time he wasn’t aware because, plot, it took like fifteen “mover” minutes for him to see through her facade.

When he did you smiled and turned to Bolin, “I totally knew she was using him.”

He whispered back frowning, “How? I thought I sold this one pretty well.”

“She was acting sus, and it's good to be skeptical of characters, I mean, you never know what people have up their sleeves.” He smiled at how easily you read that character.

The show carried on and Nuk Tuk found himself in the earth kingdom. He was chasing a rather quick villain who always somehow evaded him at the last second. No matter how much water he threw at the person they ducked and weaved out of the way. A woman comes out of nowhere and puts herself right in the middle of danger.

“Oh no!” you gasp genuinely; and as you do Boling smiles to himself. He loves how you are actually interested in the movers he’s in.

Nuk Tuk goes out of his way to save the woman, injuring himself in the process. He passes out and the screen fades to black. When he wakes up the woman is leaning over him trying to help him. It is revealed that the woman is a non-bender but is very good at medicine. For thirty-ish minutes Nuk Tuk is confused at how familiar the woman is. He spends the time it takes to get better flirting with her and trying to learn more about her. When he gets better he leaves the woman without ever figuring out why she was familiar and starts going after the main villain.

He arrives in a place similar to Republic City and meets a firebender girl who starts attacking him. Like cliche enemies to lovers they stop bending at each other when Nuk Tuk pins her down. After that spicy exchange Nuk Tuk gets the information he needs and they go their separate ways. The camera is on her and she has a shadow covering half of her smirking face as the screen fades to black.

“What is she going to do?” You ask, startling Bolin.

“You’ll have to find out,” he mutters, smiling at you.

“Look at her though, lurking in the shadows with her lip gloss smile.” He laughed at the way you pouted at the end of that sentence.

Like you predicted she betrays him after multiple romantic encounters. She reveals herself as the daughter of the villain.

He meets another girl, This one is an earthbender who has almost no visible interest in him. She joins him and fights against the firebender in the final battle. The earth bender pins the other onto a wall to stop her from bending and rushes to help a struggling Nuk Tuk.

Even though it seemed like the mover was coming to an end Bolin laid his head in your lap.

“Isn’t it going to end soon?” you asked, “Are you tired?”

“Yeah, but there’s like thirty minutes left so I can chill for a bit.” His eyes closed and your fingers ran through his hair as your eyes flickered back to the screen.

You missed a little so when you looked up you saw the earthbender girl laying on the floor and Nuk Tuk hovering over her. When he attacked the villain he didn’t hold back, and with that attitude the villain was defeated quickly. He rushed back to the girl and healed her with her waterbending. He was surprised it worked because he had never healed someone before. When the girl came to, Nuk Tuk pulled her into a hug.

The mover ended what felt like centuries after that.

You tapped Bolin awake, “Hey, let’s get out of here.” He groaned, reluctant to leave the comfortable position he was in. When he sat up you fixed his hair and smoothed the front of his suit. Hand in hand you both walked out and down to the main hall. You both were swarmed by the paparazzi, Bolin tried to shield you from it as much as possible as you both headed to the Satomobile waiting for you.

A reporter stepped in front of you and asked, “So Bolin, who are you dating at the moment?” You both paused, a bit confused at the question before she continued, “It can’t be this raggedy girl by your side is it?” You were silent, shocked, who was she to ask you that question? You took off towards the Satomobile. Once you got to it you looked back at Bolin who said something to the woman and rushed over to you.

The whole car ride you both were silent. Your mind was flooded with thoughts of self-worth, insecurities, and Bolin. Nothing was said as he walked up to your apartment and held the door open for you. Nothing was said as you kicked your shoes off and plopped down on the couch. Nothing was said as he took off the first layer of his suit, revealing his off white button up and brown suspenders. Nothing was said as he sat next to you on the couch, ruffled his hair, and leaned forward with his head in his hands.

He was the first to break the silence. “Hey,” he looked at you worried, “Are you okay?”

“No! I’m Not Okay!” you yelled, slamming your fists on the couch. “I’m sick and tired of being known as just your girlfriend! What about My achievements?” You stood up quickly, he was shocked at your outburst.

“Your more than just my girlfriend-” he began, but you cut him off.

“You can’t say that! I’m trying to understand, to be quiet, and to try to talk to your fans, but I can’t anymore!” You choked out those words and sobbed as he pulled you into a hug.

“All that matters is you,” he whispered, “forget those toxic fans, they could take all my fame and I wouldn’t care, ‘cause right now you’re mine.” You didn’t know how much needed those words until he said it. You hugged him tighter as he continued, “It’s not theirs to speculate if it’s wrong.”

Sniffling you looked up at him with watery eyes, “your right,” he grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers, “Your hands are tough but they are where mine belong. I’m sorry for lashing out at you.” He cupped your cheek with his hand and smiled,

“It’s okay, cause I’ll fight their doubt and give you faith,” He pressed a small kiss to your forehead. He clapped his hands suddenly. “Let’s be positive now,” he smiled, eagar to change the subject, “Let’s list things that we like about eachother!”

“Okay,” you smiled and didn’t even need to think, “I love the gap between your teeth.”

“I love the riddles that you speak,” he pinched your cheeks.

“And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored.”

“Why?” he chuckled.

“Cause my heart is yours.” you smiled at him.

“My heart is yours too,” he giggled as he hugged you and lifted you into the air. You both were emotionally and physically tired after that exchange.

“I’ll let you take a shower first,” he said smiling and bowing dramatically while holding the door open.

“Are you sure? If I take one first you’ll probably fall asleep before you take yours,” you started.

“It’s fine, I won't fall asleep I promise,” He said. Reluctantly you took your shower. You made it quick and he jumped in right after you were finished. While he was in the shower you made some instant noodles for dinner for both of you. It was still warm when he came out of the bathroom in a white tank top and some shorts.

You both laid in bed while you ate, once you were done you set the empty bowl on the nightstand and cuddled.

Before you fell asleep you heard him say, “Don’t you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine, but they can’t take what’s ours.” He pulled you closer as you rested your head on his chest.

“The stakes are high, the water’s rough, but this love is ours.”you finished as your eyes fluttered shut and Bolin pressed a kiss to your temple.

#bolin lok #bolin x reader #bolin x you #bolinxreader #lok #bolin x y/n #Ours by Taylor Swift #send more asks and song stuff #don’t be shy #it’ll probably be a day or two til I post the next thing #I have written stuff I just need to find time to type it out #hope y’all liked #<3 #song asks #drop a like if you enjoyed #Bolin angst

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