calypso having an emotion-centered character and being viewed & getting treated as the ‘evil woman’ is actually a reflection of how every woman's emotions are villainized when they’re shown vividly and are a main part of their character in popular media.

in general media and riordanverse specifically, women with emotions are always looked down upon because showing emotions is regarded as a dramatic act so when a female character shows and acts on their emotiotions they get degraded and instantly despised because of it. this is done with every single female character while male characters who show emotion are treated like saints and found worthy of self redemption. this happened with annabeth when she didn’t want to believe luke was the bad guy and wanted to try bring him back because she was manipulated by him her entire life, meanwhile luke, who did batshit crimes like causing hundreds of innocent deaths, manipulating little girls by flirting with them, admitting his crush to a 16 year-old at his ripe age of 23, is remembered as a hero and considered ‘redeemed himself’ after sacrificing himself while annabeth was called insufferable when she didn’t believe he was evil in the first place. let’s not forget piper, who’s a lesbian that was forced into a relationship with a man by a goddess and thought she was in the wrong for not feeling right with jason. during the entire relationship she was experiencing a very hard comphet and couldn’t figure herself out because of the fake memories, everybody was bashing her when she was acting confused, when she was, in fact confused. i have a longer post about this specific topic, so if you guys wanna check it out it’s right here. 

 coming back to calypso, first we need to clear out the misconceptions about her curse on percy that affected annabeth. she wasn't blind nor was personally attacking annabeth, her curse was to make someone feel like how she was feeling all time and that’s why percy and annabeth couldn’t reach out to one another while being right next to each other. annabeth’s blindness came from the titan she defeated in the sea of monsters and is actually the first curse to be put by the arai on them, so it has nothing to do with calypso. the curse was affecting annabeth because she happened to be the person percy loved and was right next to him. if percy was there alone either percy would feel alone and abandoned or the curse wouldn’t affect him at all, since there’s no person he can go back to save. and the curse itself wasn’t even a death wish type of curse she just wanted to be heard, be acknowledged and wanted free off her island. not to forget the curse wasn't harming or killing any of them yet it’s still demonized more than by literally every other thing that happened in the books. nothing luke has ever done is seen as evil as her curse just because it was by her and i’m pretty positive if something like this was shown in pjo by luke it would be glossed over and romanticized in the fandom. further proof of how a male character's actions get brushed off and forgiven easily but soon a female character does something even slightly questionable they get villainized on the spot.

she is also despised because she doesn't let everyone's favorite man get away with his misogynistic stuff. calypso doesn't treat leo any worse than he treats her. whenever she starts arguing it is a response to something leo has said or done, which in the most case she's in the right but leo gets so much slack from his past and being fandom favorite to be held accountable for the way he treats people. he's always been written as a misogynist, he never treated any women with any respect. he always had some sort of disrespect for every female character he seems have some sort of closure with like piper, hazel, calypso, the list goes on, but yet calypso is always expected to be more 'tolerable and understanding' bc of his trauma, as if every single character in the series isn't written upon a single trauma they had and have their character built on it. and he always had a problem dealing with others and their emotions and instead of expecting him to be working to change that, calypso is expected to adjust his manners.

oddly enough, she's also expected to show some gratitude towards leo for saving her, when she never asked him to do so and not for a second believed that he was actually going to come back when he said he would. is she grateful that he came back and freed her? yes. should she feel any obligations to make him feel greater because of it? NO. everything leo did for calypso was his and only his choice and nobody else's. calypso is happy that he did so, but expecting her to tolarate every single thing he does solely because of that is wrong.

delicate pov.

pairing/s: Allison Cameron x Fem!Reader, platonic Robert Chase x Fem!Reader, brief James Wilson x Daughter!Reader

summary: tales of the second, third, and hundredth time you saw Dr. Chase try to make a move on your girlfriend.

CW: angst, Chase’s unrequited and unreciprocated love for Cameron, a lack of dialogue??? Cameron is a canon lesbian idgaf

word count: 1600 words

a/n: oh god. my second house fic. Another mid classic from Amy less go, as always, feedback is always appreciated!!! I am also very gay for Jennifer Morrison!!!

At this point in your and Allison’s relationship, you were regretting having such great taste in women - Your girlfriend was easily one of the most beautiful women you had ever seen in your life, and it was blatantly clear that you were not the only person who thought so. In the 6 months you had been seeing Allison, it had taken 3 of the 6 months for you to notice the way that Chase looked at her - He looked at her like he loved her. At first, you had brushed it off - you knew that she wasn’t interested in any man, never mind her co-worker. But then she started flirting back at him.

You watched the two of them discuss their case from across the room, you sat alone, deciding that you didn’t want to make yourself involved in something that didn’t concern you, even if it meant watching your girlfriend talk and almost flirt with the man who was deeply in love with her - It would have shocked you to see if it were not the first time you had noticed what was going on between the two. It hurt, but who were you to stick your nose where you weren’t wanted; You were just a paediatrician, nowhere near a diagnostician, even though House, on a few occasions had sought after your opinion - which he proceeded to insult but only after you were proved right. But you had grown to expect that from house - you had known him for most of your life since you were born from the first of your dads car crash marriage, House had been a part of your life since your parents divorce when you were 3 years old. Now, it felt like House was trying to piss you off for some reason - that he wanted Chase and Cameron to be together instead of you and her.

The third time you noticed them flirting was during a charity event that the hospital was hosting. Chase and Camerons ‘friendship’ had driven a wedge between you and your girlfriend, so much that you had been staying over at your dad’s for the past week - Not like Cameron noticed, she was too busy out late with Chase. You were so unsure of what to do. Did you risk losing the woman you loved over something so silly like her having a close male friend? No, you were just being paranoid, right? Right.

Wilson sighed as he watched you down another glass of champagne, looking at your girlfriend from across the room, nothing but admiration for her in your eyes.

“I can feel you watching me, dad,” You alerted your dad that you were aware of his presence behind you. “Don’t you have to following House around like a lost puppy?” Wilson knew that you were verging on drunk, so opted to take the empty champagne flute out of your hand, despite your protesting and furious pout.

“Why don’t you, I don’t know, talk to her?” You rolled your eyes at your dad’s suggestion - as if you hadn’t tried that already. “I’m just trying to help you, honey. I know that you love her,” Wilson had already had this talk with you - however, after considering your dad’s track record of marriages and failed relationships, you didn’t listen the first time when you were sober, so there was minimal chance of you listening when you were drunk. Wilson also knew that you weren't going to listen to him - but he thought it was better to try, he knew that you loved Cameron with everything in you, but it was hard to love her when all she did was spend time with Chase, a man so obviously in love with her.

"I do love her," You trailed off, looking over at her and Chase, watching as he leaned in to kiss her - but you looked away, you couldn't watch that. Your heart stopped as you turned your back on the two; You did, however, miss that Cameron smacked him for trying to make an advance on her. "I'm going home."

You were gone before your dad could try and convince you to stay, and before Cameron could find you.

She had grown tired of him now - of how he would always bring up old memories of their times out together; conveniently leaving all mentions of you out. She was tired of him flirting with her, despite her shutting him down every time, she didn't care if it was harmless flirting - it was harming her relationship with you. You had stopped taking your lunch break at the same time, you were always home late or working a nightshift. Cameron knew now that she had perhaps taken this thing with Chase too far - she knew that you were sometimes too shy or reserved to speak about how you were actually feeling, you were a people pleaser, even if it meant you would lose your girlfriend. She watched as you sat by yourself in the cafeteria, you looked exhausted, your concealer barely minimising the bags under your eyes - Cameron's heart broke at the very sight of you. Ignoring whatever Chase was talking about, she made her way over to you, sitting down on the chair in front of you.

"Y/N?" You looked up at the familiar mention of your name, giving your girlfriend a weak smile as you looked up at her. 

"Hey," You greeted her quietly, a dam of tears building behind your eyes, frightened if you spoke any louder than you did, that the dam would break. "Is Chase not here today?" You questioned her in the same quiet voice as before, you weren't in any way being snarky; as of late, it just felt like you were an afterthought to your girlfriend. Letting out a defeated sigh, she frowned and reached out to hold your hands.

"I know I've been a terrible, terrible, girlfriend recently," She started, looking you in the eyes, trying to be as sincere as possible - she needed you to know how much she loves you, to know how much she admires you for every single thing you do, for how much you love her from the deepest corners of her heart despite everything. "And I know that you'll tell me that it's okay but it's not. I never meant to make you feel this way and I feel terrible for doing this to you, but I need you to know that I love you, Y/N." You looked at her blankly as she spoke. "Your dad told me that you left after the charity event after you saw Chase try to kiss me, but I need you to know that I didn't let him. I turned away from him and then I smacked him, I came to find you but you were gone by the time that I found your dad." She explained.

"And what about the flirting? Did you mean any of that?" You asked, a little louder than the last time you had spoke, your voice breaking. Cameron shook her head fervently, still holding your hands in hers.

"No. Not at all. I love you, and I know it doesn't feel that way but I love you so much Y/N, and I want you to come home, to our home," You knew she was being sincere, but how could you guarantee that she wouldn't immediately go back to being inseparable best friends with Chase. Sighing, you nodded. You accepted that you would just have to trust her word and that she loved you - You knew that trust was just as important as love was in any relationship, and you suspected that this was why your relationship had survived this hardship, because a part of you trusted Cameron to not get involved with Chase. "Please, come home."

"Okay, I'll come home."

-

Going home that night, you felt some sort of relief knowing that you'd be going home and that Cameron was definitely going to be there, waiting for you since she got off work before you did. As you opened the door to your shared apartment, you kicked your shoes off and hung up your jacket, making your way into the living room, where Cameron had fallen asleep on the couch, wrapped in your throw blanket. You smiled to yourself before kneeling down in front of Cameron, gently nudging her shoulder, laughing softly as she groaned.

"Hey sleepy," You greeted her jokingly, smiling as she gave a sleepy pout. "Come on, let's go to bed." You said quietly, taking your throw off of Cameron and folding it up, then placing it behind the couch on top of her own. You followed her to your bedroom, watching her get comfortable in bed as you stripped down and into your pyjamas then get into bed beside her.

"I love you...so so so so much," Cameron assured you, despite how obviously sleepy she was. You smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, smiling against hers as you finally felt settled once more in bed with the love of your life.

"I love you more."

I think it’s super interesting how the patriarchy is so embedded into our culture that our modern language helps push patriarchal values.

I’ve done a bit of personal research into this topic and thought I would share it here

(Note this was a quick highschool project so it’s not super in-depth but I would love other people’s thoughts on it) sorry this is long :)

I’m currently taking a class in my high school where we are talking about gender, feminism, sexuality, and the patriarchy. Specifically how the patriarchy is imbedded in our day to day lives and how it’s effects intersect with other issues such as racism, homophobia, classism, etc.

I looked into the English language and linguistic relativity.

An Analysis of Sexism in English

In the English lexicon, one of the most obvious evidences of sexism is the affixes which lead to a view of women as a deviation from men. This is commonly seen with suffixes such as -ess or -ette.

Example: Actor “ a person who plays the part of a character in a movie or play”, when attached to a feminine suffix –ess, becomes actress with the meaning of “ woman with profession similar to those of actor”. ← othering of women as if Femininity is inherently not human. Why is actor “a person” while Actress is “A woman” why make the distinction?

Other examples include:

Masculine Feminine

ambassador ambassadress

duke duchess

prince princess

poet poetess

Sometimes adding the suffix -ett or -ess completely changes the meaning and value of the word. (Govenor vs Goveness- one rules a country the other teaches children in their homes).

Why does this matter?

We need to considered how language is intimately tied to behavior, knowledge, and culture. Sapri-Whorf Hypothesis, more commonly known as linguistic relativity is the theory that a person's language changes how they perceive the world around them. Since its conception, this theory has been widely debated. However, most people believe the theory, it's debated how much language impacts our culture, but the idea that it has an impact is backed up by many studies.

Studies include Colour study, how Russian speakers could identify colors faster than English speakers + How German speakers lost that ability after years of speaking English. Note that Russian and German both have more labels for colors, differing them from English speakers.

How has our language accidentally othered femininity?

The acoustic and perceptual bases of judgments of women and men's sexual orientation from read speech.

This studies how people view sexual orientation based on their speech and voice. They found that gay men were easier to identify than lesbians even though they both changed their speech. Men would raise their voice, feminine while women would lower theirs to be more masculine. This shows how femininity is easier to identify because we see it as an “other” so when women show more masculine traits we gloss over it because we see it as more “normal”.

This is only one example that shines light on how we don’t even notice these biases. There are likely hundreds of more that we can't even begin to imagine because it is so ingrained in our day-to-day life, our culture, and our society.

Impact/intersect

Misogyny and Homophobia: Patriarchy, gender policing, and the Male Gaze

It’s hard to tell which came first. Did our black and white language accidentally push an anti feminine belief or has misogyny and the patriarchy impacted our day to day speech? Either way at this point it’s more of a cycle constantly pushing patriarchal values.

Misogyny is not only the act of hating women but hating anything seen as “feminine”. When it comes to homophobia gay men and lesbian women are treated differently. Homosexual men tend to suffer discrimination and abuse because they don’t fit what is considered “manly” This is why people say things like “that's so gay” as an insult. Men not adhering to masculinity or showing more feminine traits are discouraged.

On the other hand, lesbians get more hate due to fetishization and breaking the patriarchy. Many queer women in WLW presenting relationships have experienced comments including “Can I get in on that” or “I can join in if you want a threesome”. Interestingly, “butch” women and others who present more masculine are “treated with fear and contempt for trying to encroach on traditionally male territory and not conforming to normative ideals of female beauty” (Williamson, 7).

Obviously there’s more impacts that have resulted however I just focused on homophobia as an example of intersectionality. If you have any other examples feel free to add on and share them.

Anyways thanks for listening to my rant I just thought it was interesting :)

Drums Of War Review

Drums Of War is a Fire Emblem romhack Roxelana, Calista and their band of soliders as they are pulled between toxic powers and try to just live in the complex landscape that is being at war. This game doesn't have as many of the elaborate features of some other rom hacks but it does have a lot going on for it with a refined fire emblem formula.

Drums Of War is a hard game, a little too hard even for me who has played FE since the first game released but this is a problem across Fire Emblem romhacks. The base level is kinda made for people who play these games on their hardest difficulty and find that too easy so they look for ways to make that harder. They aren't typically made that hard but they are what that kind of player thinks is a fair challenge which can lead to a struggle to play. This game does had a nice feature where you can rewind to the start of a turn rather than the last action which is great but ultimately I suggest if you are like me to use save states, they will take you further. Eventually I hit a stride with the game, I had enough units I liked and learned to save state hard enough where I felt like I as going through maps at a good pace and the too hard turned into fine for me. It may just be a bit of a bump in the road until you hit I'd say about act 2 of the game.

Note since I wrote this review an easy mode has been added you can play, I haven't tested it but if your looking for an easier time but like the sound of the game there is an option.

Despite the difficulty the gameplay does add a lot of interesting little things to the classic GBA Fire Emblem formula without ever radically changing it from what you might have expected as a follow up to Fire Emblem Sacred Stones. After clearing most maps until fairly late game your given a chance to recruit a character or ransom them for money. Some people want to be sent back home, some want to join the army, some are gonna be thrown into a cell, you get a diverse set of situations to make a moral call but also a gameplay call. Would this unit do something for you that the money wouldn't, what's more valuable, do you like the character more than you like the money? This little tweak to recruitment makes it where maps are extra exciting when you see a boss you like the look of cuz your gonna get access to that character most likely.

It makes other tweaks that your millage may vary on, classes are remixed to have different weapon lay outs, archers got a massive expansion to their stats and an additional range for non mounted archers. This makes Archers probably the best class in the game, the whole game archers are this extremally annoying threat, I hated it, I hated dealing with enemy archers but the maps were at least designed clearly with these buffs and changes considered even if I think the game was way too hard on flying units for the FE community's perceived sin of them being too good.

Narratively, this game presents a complicated political war situation and for a long time I wasn't sure what the game wanted to say or where it was going with the politics but ultimately it landed in a fairly decent place. You end up leaving behind all the toxic powers your tossed between and leading your own front for your own ideals. Roxelana and Calista don't have wild ambition but even in earlier parts of the game it's clear that above everything the priority is to the lives of the people Roxelana has sworn herself to lead.

What the game does more impressively is have extremally captivating leading women and a lesbian romance at it's center. These sapphics are constantly flirting but Roxelana is living with the death of a previous girlfriend and so she pushes the romance away. We have other side sapphics including a blonde swords woman who falls for Roxelana as well and is as ride of die as Calista. This games take on queerness doesn't present us in a world with no homophobia or heteronormativity, no this shitty world full of shitty leaders of course is full of terrible bigots. However, it doesn't linger on it, like a real queers life they deal with it if it comes up which it rarely does because straight people mostly aren't very smart anyway.

The approach to characters and this slow burn romance are really what kept me hooked even if it was using a fairly limited support system where you can get unlimited B ranks with characters from a characters extremally small support pools and one A rank. I wanted to see what sweet little things were hidden in the games surprisingly solid writing. It was a captivating war story, it didn't present an anarchist utopia or how to build that but it did present hope for a better future by rejecting the idea of serving the lesser of two evils and fighting a hard fight even if it is so much harder then standing by a powerful persons side. This game is really fun and special and I think if you like hard SRPGs or just think the story or characters sound interesting you should check it out.

If you enjoy these reviews you can read more, I write lots of them and if you really enjoy them I can always use support over on Patreon and Ko-fi.

tagged by my buddy stark (@lastquincy) to do this one! thank you :)

last song i heard:

"honey i'm home" by destroy boys. this was the only song from destroy boys (current favorite band) that i hadn't heard until a few days ago when bluejay literally made me listen to it and WOWWW. extremely catchy and the lyrics hit hard as fuck for me.

favorite color:

wouldn't you believe it. it's red. shades of red that could be classified as 'blood' or 'wine' are esp my favorites, and i also really like black. i started wearing more colors in 2023 (red, of course) but recently i've been leaning more into dressing punk and wearing mostly black.i love black

my favorite shades. however im a little bit twisted and i REALLY like any shade of red that is purely R and has no Gs or Bs.

this is a fucking angel to me ok.

last watched series:

my last watched "series" in general would technically be the walten files since a new one came out. by god those files really are walten. specifically in terms of TV though right now i'm watching the sopranos and sometimes mr. robot from time to time, both very good i'm enjoying them a lot especially the latter, although i think my last complete TV series was black mirror. some episodes weren't all too great in comparison to others but for the most part i really enjoyed it.

sweet/spicy/savory:

i'm very much a savory person. the taste is always so great but there is also something that feels so fulfilling about eating something savory compared to something that is sweet or spicy. i do enjoy a little sweetness or a little spice in my food sometimes though. writing this and thinking about food made me go boil a pot of water i want ramen so bad.

relationship status:

i'm single (SHGOULDN'T BE!!!!!) but i'm looking to try and meet people soon. i'm still a little unsure of my sexuality (probably bi lesbian?) but i'm almost certain of the person i am and who i wanna be so that's good. expressing myself sexually has become really important to me so even finding a fwb partner would be nice.

last thing i googled:

the last thing i googled was 'is ramen considered savory'. i was googling a lot of questions about what's considered 'savory' because i saw that question about preference between sweet and spicy and savory and immediately forgot what foods are classified as savory. i don't know how food works

current obsession:

oh my god don't even get me started. it's a four-way between signalis, monument mythos, walten files, and undertale right now. however i'd argue that walten files is only growing again right now and monument mythos for me is always a constant because i love it that much, so currently it would probably be signalis or undertale. i replayed undertale for the first time in at least 7 years in the last couple weeks and it was incredible especially because i could finally understand a lot of stuff i didn't understand or pick up on before, i vaguely got it when i was younger but i never picked up on the deeper, subtle characterization of so many of the characters and all of the details. undertale is an absolute masterpiece. another masterpiece i've been obsessed with is signalis. signalis was my first survival horror and it was an incredible, tense, tear-jerking experience. its such a beautiful and horrifying game about women and sapphic love and uuuuUUGGH it's PERFECT. the soundtrack is beautiful, amazingly composed and performed, the graphics are perfect for the vibe it's trying to go for. the characters all have fun designs and the main characters and story are all so intriguing it just keeps me thinking about the metaphorical themes of it all. signalis is a huge inspiration to me and i have so many thoughts about it please check it out.

last thing i read:

the last thing i read was chainsaw man! i LOVE chainsaw man and it's another massive inspiration for me...asa mitaka makes me feel so fuckin happy. autistic high school girl that i relate to so deeply. last time i read it, the story left off at a pretty big point so i should definitely pick it back up again before i start getting far behind again. the story was going somewhere that i thought was extremely interesting so i'm excited to see how it continues.

something i've been looking forward to:

in the long-term, i'm looking forward to a lot of things in the summer! i'm turning 21, going on a road trip to see a concert and visit a friend across the state, going to anthrocon, and maybe doing some stuff for pride! i'll be doing all of this with two of my best friends in the world and i'm really excited, although i am definitely nervous about the road trip since i'll be the one driving but i think it'll be OK since i'll have my friends with me :) i think this summer will be great because of all of the above but this also feels like it's gonna be the first summer where i won't be almost entirely focused on my job and i feel like myself!

i don't have anyone in particular that i want to tag for this but if you want, feel free to make a post like this :)

things your muse will notice about mine.

what they look like. lengthy version here, but a summary: the most obvious thing is that she's infuriatingly attractive, because that's aphrodite's whole thing. she's a little taller than the average height for women at 5'7. she's muscular, and though she's lean, you can tell when she moves her arms or legs that she definitely has more muscle than the average person. black hair, somewhere between wavy and curled, looking professionally done at all times (not relevant in verses she's not a demigod, since one of her powers is literally looking good at all times). golden brown eyes. a scar that cuts across her right eyebrow. a scar across her left cheekbone. her wardrobe usually consists of either an orange camp shirt or some kind of crop top, because she's annoying and wants to show off her abs as often as possible, jeans or shorts, and either white air forces or converse. the air forces are creased.

what they smell like. in all verses where she's a demigod, mikayla just naturally smells good without the need for perfume, because everything about her is supposed to be alluring. horrible at describing smells due to the fact that i can barely smell things myself, but her scent is probably a mix of vanilla, lavender, and sandalwood? i don't know. she wears perfume in verses where she's not a demigod, but i'm a cologne lesbian, so i can't name any.

what they taste like. like candy, i guess, which is the only sweet thing about this bitch. or just like mint, right after she brushes her teeth, but i think that's pretty obvious. but again, everything about her (aside from her terrible personality) is supposed to be captivating, so she tastes... good. whatever.

what they sound like. considering her voice is a part of her main power (charmspeak), she actually has a nice voice. her pitch is like? medium? so not too high and not too low, either. maybe one day i'll find a voiceclaim for her but today is not that day. mikayla having a pretty voice is unfair considering she only uses it to say horrible things half of the time, but whatever. after months of going back and forth, i've decided that she does have a decent singing voice, but she only sings when she's fucking around (in the shower, car, etc.) and has absolutely no interest in it other than that.

what they feel like. her arms and legs are hard with muscle. her hair is soft, since it's naturally healthy as fuck at all times. for the most part, her skin is smooth, without many flaws, except for her scars. her hands are probably the roughest thing about her, because while her palms are mostly soft, she has calluses at the base of her fingers from handling weapons so often. her knuckles are worse, with a decent amount of scarred tissue over them; she's also broken a few throughout her life, so some of her knuckles feel more prominent than others.

this is a really long ramble, babe, i am so sorry lmfao. but i've gotta rant about some fans for a moment ok.

seen a bunch of people on here say that it's illogical and bad writing for thomas to consider richard's marriage a breaking up moment because he was willing to turn a blind eye to phillip marrying mary in s1e1, and it's like ???

like idk if they're straight or if they're young or what, but as a lesbian in her 30s i have definitely noticed my feelings about closeted relationships change. when i was in my teens and early 20s i was completely sympathetic to girlfriends who were still closeted, who i would be just a "flatmate" to in the eyes of their family, who would only acknowledge our relationship in private. but nowadays i wouldn't even consider for a second dating someone in the closet. even if they were perfect in every other way, i could not face having to live a half-life and skulking around, walking on eggshells and checking over my shoulder in case her third cousin twice removed was looking at us before i held her hand. that would 100% be a deal breaker every single time at my age despite it being acceptable when i was younger.

there is no reason to look at 18yo (or whatever he is in s1) thomas being happy to live in secret with the duke and then assume that same thing still applies to thomas after everything he's been through since that time. he's been forcibly outed to everyone in his life. he's socialised with other gay men. he's nearly died at least twice. he's been arrested. he's living a life where everyone around him knows what he is and is fine with it. the idea of going back into the closet isn't going to be appetising in any way. like this is literally part of thomas' canon characterisation! he isn't foul! he doesn't need to change! society is wrong, not him! he wants his own husband, not a dirty little secret affair with someone else's husband.

and lol, i even saw one anti-guy person accusing people who liked the guy plot of being obsessed with the "sanctity of marriage" lmfao. like no! that's not it! we just think thomas needs the freedom to be himself openly to be happy, which can't happen if richard is married, not because we're all secretly conservative christians.

like idk why i'm getting so heated about something that doesn't really matter sjfhsjfs but omg i'm just so mad! they're all so dumb

Anon idk why you’re hiding because everything you’re saying is 1000% correct and you deserve to be getting the likes for this!!

Even aside from all your fantastic and true points, there’s a big difference between being with a married Duke as his valet (who will necessarily get tons of time alone with him / get to travel with him), and being with a married valet, who it’s going to be quite hard to fabricate excuses to spend more than a couple of hours a month with AT MOST. Unless he’s married an understanding friend, which the film gives no indication of seeing as it seems very clear he’s received a Dear John letter, it would be putting them at tremendous risk to see him with a wife knowing his business and probably rather keen he doesn’t go to hotels or b&bs without her, whether she thinks he’s seeing other women or men. And any likelihood of the domesticity and settled life he craves with the man he loves is gone.

That doesn’t make Richard a bad person, it makes him a person who clearly ended up feeling he had no alternative but to adopt the veil of normality a wife would offer. But is it fair to suggest Thomas could never possibly be happier than he would be as his secret lover sending him home to his wife at the end of their rare, rushed meetings? No, I don’t think so.

I was wondering if I could get some input on this? All good if not.

I’ve been obsessing over gender envy and tertiary attraction (mainly aesthetic). For the record, am an orientated aroace lesbian, so I’ve never been romantically/sexually attracted to men (or anyone). But when there are drawings or pictures of cool looking guys (usually with sharp jawlines or undercuts) I feel this weird sense? I can’t tell if it’s aesthetic attraction or the fact I really want to look like them. Maybe it’s both? I dunno, it’s really hard to unpack. And I sort of feel like I’m not a real lesbian either since I think guys with specific traits look nice. sorry if this is confusing, I’m just hoping for another person’s thoughts on it.

Okay, so I have two main thoughts.

One: thinking guys with specific traits look nice is not a conflicting position to being a lesbian. As language for more diverse experiences comes out and greater visibility is achieved, so evolves our understandings of such concepts. While classically defined as 'attraction to women by a woman', there's been a lot of evolving definitions these days (largely thanks to nonbinary folk) of being a lesbian as 'non-straight attraction to women', 'non-men loving non-men', etc. It's like...how if you want to look at aromantic history, you have to look into asexual history because aromantic used to be considered more of a subset of asexuality. And if you want to look into asexual history, you have to dig into bisexual history (sorry, I used to have better sources on this but they all got tainted by people who turned out to be Not Great, but peep that asexuality and bisexuality were both defined by 'lack of preference' and so may be been sister-experiences) because bisexual used to be a term that included allo bi people and aces. And if you want to look into bisexual history, you have to look into lesbian and gay history (and if you wanted to look into lesbian history, you'd have to look into gay history). (And this example may make you think that it's been linear but it's absolutely not. Like, today, a lot of people don't like the terms FTM and MTF in regards to trans people but that used to be the terminology, and in fact lesbian not only included bisexuals and aces, it also included trans men!)

Language is messy because humans are messy, so history is messy. Etc., etc., etc. I say it a lot these days, but labels aren't strict/rigid categories handed down by some omnipotent being. They are socially defined tools of communication and they will change with the humans and societies that use them. Language is inherently flexible, at least to some degree.

I think it's amazing how much language we have developed to express ourselves regarding our identity. But I do think the downside of this has been the hyper-separation of communities, leading to such panic like yours, and the pressure to find the Perfectly Fitting Absolutely Fitting Perfect Label(TM), which also implies that all feelings can be clearly and definitively understood and articulated when, for a variety of reasons, often they really just can't be.

A "real lesbian" is simply someone who identifies as a lesbian. And identifying with a term is the only qualifier to being any gender/attraction term. There's no test out there. No diagnosis. No correct answer. Identity is self-determined, for whatever reasons a person has for identifying a way.

Let me give you an example from my personal life because I'm super proud of my sister. She's not aspec, but she is a lesbian. And until she got into a monogamous relationship, she was actively pursing and having sex with both men and women. She had sex with men because she is sexually attracted to men and liked having sex with them. However, she labels as lesbian and lesbian only because her attraction to men is not really meaningful to her. She would only be open to committed and/or romantic relationships with women, and that's the most important part of her feelings/experience to her. And you know what? No one who matters has ever had a problem with that or tried to tell her that she's not a real lesbian. Not even the men who were having sex with her. As stated above, labels are just linguistic tools. Don't let labels control you. Make the labels work for you.

Two: I think there are two main ways we can react to struggles about self-gaslighting (and even general questioning) with your identity.

The first is to run away from being the thing. You eventually beat yourself into despair that you couldn't possibly be a lesbian, so you turn your back on the identity and try to fit yourself into a box that you may fit into but doesn't feel quite right or even into a box that maybe doesn't even fit right in any meaningful way. This comes off as inherently sad, but you know what? Discovery requires exploration. If this is the path you need to take to figure yourself out better and come to terms with whatever labels, then do it!

The second is to lean into being the thing. (Disclaimer: this is how I handled coming to terms with being nonbinary and genderqueer. This method worked for me because "fake it til you make it" tends to be my defacto reaction. It's also how I conquered my phobia of dogs.) Decide "fuck the semantics". Wanting to be a specific identity matters. Honor those feelings. Practice letting yourself be that thing without beating yourself up. It's definitely a difficult skill that takes mindfulness and concentrated effort, but it can also be such a release. Claim the label you want to be. Go out and be the proudest version of that you can. You may just find down the road that you've stopped faking it and are actually feeling it.

(And ofc, leaning into either path may bring unexpected results. By running away from a term, you may indeed find another that you like more. By embracing a term, you may realize it ultimately isn't the term you like the most. None of these paths are wrong. They are all about figuring yourself out, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.)

I am only going to celebrate learning more about ourselves. That should be the purpose of these terms. Labels shouldn't be a prison. They should bring freedom. If the labels you're using don't bring that - try something else. There's a lot of paths you can take to get to whatever the end destination, and the journey is a lot more work and time than the destination, so don't be afraid to take the scenic route and make it enjoyable for yourself! There's no rush. You've got this. :)

I hope these thoughts were helpful to bringing you some level of understanding, comfort, and/or peace.

Hi I hope this isn't weird but I saw you answering some asks and I think you're really good at advice <3 I hope you're doing better and I wish all the best for you. I've been confused about my sexuality for a looong time (I'm in my early 30s) and I've never had a relationship with a man or a woman. By God I've tried (with men) lol. But every time I try to date men, I feel disgusted like I don't want them touching me.. but I feel sexual attraction to men in theory, maybe more than women. But I want to be with a woman so badly. I'm just scared I won't be enough sexually with her. I do *not* want to be with a man but I'm worried that the sex won't be good with a woman and I'll be romantically but not sexually attracted. I don't know for sure though. Sorry I know you're not a therapist but sometimes the only place you can say these things is anon asks on Tumblr! I'm speaking to a girl I met on online dating and I like her so much but I do worry that the physical side I won't like it or I won't know what I'm doing.

It’s not weird at all! And I completely get it, sometimes sending an anon can be really helpful to get another person’s perspective or to just vent and know you are being listened to. ☺️💕

Also thank you! I think I’m okay lol. I’ve definitely been considering going into impatient again though. So we’ll see what happens when I talk to my rehabilitation lady 😂

I’m sorry to hear you have had such a hard and confusing time with your sexuality :( That must have been really difficult for you.

But congratulations on meeting a lady on a dating app!! That’s so wonderful!! I really hope things continue to go well for you two.

Now I do have to preface Ive never done the do with a woman before. I’ve done stuff but not ~it~. So I don’t know if I’m what going to say is fully applicable or not.

I think there is this weird expectation placed on lesbians and bisexual women that we will naturally just be amazing at sex and fully know how to please a woman since we too are women. But you can’t be amazing at something you’ve never done!! There has to be a first time for everything. You don’t have to be incredible. Especially since, I’m your situation (I’m assuming, forgive me if I’m wrong) you seem to be more focused on the relationship itself and not like having a one night stand or a casual relationship (which there is nothing wrong with!!) but that means you are more about the emotions and bonding that can come from sex. And I personally don’t think you need to be the most skilled person in the world to achieve that emotional vulnerability and connection. Because it’s about sharing a good time with someone you love. And you know, there are toys and stuff that can always help with that. I think communication is the most important part of it all. If you need a break in the session say so, if you are nervous or confused say so, ask her what she wants. Let go of expectations and just explore each other and enjoy each other’s company. As time goes on you’ll naturally learn what she likes, what you like, what you’re good at. It’s needs to be built alongside your relationship. There isn’t any point in expecting to be amazing at this one facet of the relationship. It all builds together and you’ll get there with her. It’s a joint effort, you can’t possibly know everything until you experience it with her.

Also!! Maybe try and read some steamy f/f novels written by bisexual and lesbian women. It might give you some ideas and help you come to terms with things that can be expected so it’s not like you are jumping in the dark. Or talk about it with her beforehand. It doesn’t all have to be spontaneous. It’s not the be all and end all of your relationship- it’s just a way of communicating love that you need to teach each other 💕 and you can take as long as you need to get that to point. You shouldn’t force yourself to things you aren’t ready for or don’t want to do.

I know it seems scary and daunting but if you are with the right person it should also be fun! I believe in you and I’m sure you’ve got this 💕💕💕💕 best of luck with you and your lady!! I hope it all goes well and I hope you have a lovely day ☺️🌻

Long ass thread

OC reference and lore part 1/2

So here on tumblr I haven’t introduced any of my OC’s yet, but I recently made references sheets so I might as well introduce them all.

These are all going to be on separate posts because doing all at once will be too long to me.

(Lore about all of them in thread)

First of all I should clarify that within this universe these species exists.

1. Humans, 2. Aliens, 3. Elves. 4. Mermaids, 5. Demons, 6. Angels, 7. Gods

(1-4 are common and usually live on Earth or on other planets within space, 5-7 are not common and live on separate realms of their own).

These four are who I call my main four OC’s

1. Yoru Ahyma

Yoru is the main protagonist. They go by they/them pronouns, is genderless and are a lesbian. They are the odd one out because they are the only demon that lives on earth which makes them feel isolated. The truth though is that while they seem like a demon, in reality, they are the descendant of one of the 6 Gods of the world which is the God of Reality (I don’t have a name for the God yet though lmao), This also means they are also an angel but prefer to be a demon. They were born into a human family called the Ahymas (a family of terrorists). Their parents didn’t take it too kindly that Yoru is a demon and thus neglect and belittle them, making Yoru in the future disown them and using their abilities to stopping terrorists groups (while also running their own casino). Their most iconic weapon are the Chaos cubes which Yoru can use for any reason they want to.

2. Akari (Ahyma) Suzuki

Akari is Yoru’s wife. She is sapphic, a trans woman and goes by she/her. She is an alien princess who comes from the planet Zuthara. Her being trans actually plays a big role in who she is and why she is on Earth in the first place. See in Alien society, it’s the woman who always becomes the leader of the planet since in their culture, since she can bear children, she is considered God-like. The men are usually task to protecting the women and children in society. Akari only has one sibling and that’s her younger sister Hoshi Suzuki. When she was male she was set to be the leader of the army while her sister ruled. However when she started questioning her gender and came to the conclusion she wanted to be a girl, she knew the consequence of that was potentially snatching away Hoshi’s role as ruler which she has been working hard for. So she leaves her planet secretly and comes down to Earth, starting over as a woman. There she met Yoru and was the first few people to accept Yoru and vice versa. They then eventually fell in love and got married. Male aliens can summon swords by pulling them out their back and Akari still has that ability.

3. Leiko Ahyma

Leiko is Yoru’s older sister. She is pansexual and goes by she/they pronouns. She is the only family member of Yoru’s that accepts her demon form and the only one Yoru still sees as family and has contact with. Leiko currently runs a small nightly business as an inventor and engineer in Japan. One of her biggest achievements is building a self aware and feeling robot named XANDRA (I haven’t designed her yet either but she is coming).

4. Niko (Ahyma) Nakano

Niko is Leiko’s wife and Yoru’s sister in law. She is lesbian, demisexual and goes by she/her pronouns. She is an elf who was curious of the city life, since elves’ homes are typically in forests. She now lives in Japan and works with Leiko as a mechanic on projects. Her and Yoru’s dynamic is sister-like yet Niko is also very cautious about how Yoru acts sometimes.

Here are Yoru’s Demon form, Akari’s Alien form and Niko’s elf form.

I Watched 14 Gallagher Specials in 2019 and These Are the Notes I Took.

An Uncensored Evening (1980).

Gallagher is 34-years-old here and has been doing comedy for 11 years.

On paper this is a fairly charming introduction to Gallagher. It has its moments (which I’ll get to), but I just keep thinking about how a lot of these jokes seem like first-year-in-comedy type bits. Or maybe that’s just me. So many things reminded me of things I tried to write my first year in comedy. Because yeah, Gallagher is a prop comic. Because that’s what you remember. But he’s mostly a joke machine here. I just can’t decide if his one-liners are under appreciated or if he uses his wordplay and observations the same way a magician or comedy hypnotist uses them.

Also, it’s 1980. So I don’t know if all of these are original Gallagher jokes, stolen jokes, street jokes, or what was considered ‘hack’ at the time. Just as an example, he does a bit about how women cary their purse if they have money in it vs. if they don’t. And when he says, “If it’s like this, that bitch ain’t got a dollar.” Like, he uses an affected voice and delivery for the punch line he never uses the rest of the hour. Like he got it off a black Comedy Store miker without permission. But I’m making a lot of assumptions. It just feels like anyone could tell these jokes since there’s no part of him in most of them. He has a joke about the wet spot. He makes fun of commercials. He has Polack jokes. He has a gay interior decorator voice. Mexicans in a car jokes. He basically says, “These are the things I think about while I’m getting high.” He does, “If I was in charge” jokes. And his crowd work goes over well, but it’s peak club hack. I just don’t know if it was in 1980.       

There were jokes I liked. Getting Jehova’s Witnesses to deliver the mail made me laugh. He doesn’t comb his hair because, “Parallel hair? Who needs that?” Which almost sounded like Hedberg to me. I found his transexual joke really interesting, “What if there’s a female spirit trapped inside my body and I don’t know it because she’s a lesbian?” And he follows it up with saying his preference for female bicycles. “Does it seem reasonable to you that the one with the balls gets the one with the bar?” But again, what are the chances that Gallagher’s take on bicycles was original? I don��t know. There were glimpses into who this dude actually is. Like, I can tell he really hates Jimmy Carter. And while I probably wouldn’t agree with his politics, I kinda wanted him to go there instead of just dipping his toe in.   

But I guess none of this is the point of Gallagher. He comes out on roller skates. He pulls a banana out of his pants. He tosses out candy bars. The point is the fun. And actually, the part where he pretended to almost fall down towards the end actually made me laugh pretty hard because of the tension he created by hitting on a woman in the front row. And honestly, the best part of this was the introduction of the watermelon. The crowd had never seen this shit before. So they had no idea what to expect. There’s a point when he’s basically taunting them with smashing it onto them if they don’t laugh at his jokes. And then he leaves it there as a reminder. I loved that. It added a layer of danger that had them giddy with anticipation. And then during this whole thing, his microphone cuts out and his riffs, plus the crowd’s reaction in support, is one of those magic moments that I’m so glad they kept in the final cut. Which also seems very ‘alt’ of them to do. Yeah, I guess I’m curious to see where he goes from here.     

Mad As Hell. (1981). 

Well, Gallagher is in a theater now. And someone must have given him the same notes I did from his first special because the whole thing is quasi-political, “if I was in charge” material. The one-liners are mostly gone. So is the watermelon. It’s like a deep-cut Carlin special without the gravitas or like, if “Weird” Al had reimagined Chris Rock’s “Bigger and Blacker”. I don’t know. The POV is more clear. But I am guessing it’s also entirely forgettable. 

Let’s set aside the fact that this is his second hour in a year. And that he has another one coming later in the year. Or the same night (I’m not sure how it works yet). And that’s really fucking impressive. But this is still just applause-break comedy with the crutch of a bigger audience. He still hates smokers. And balding. And he still thinks money is worthless. There’s still a slight element of danger with the crowd. But this time it’s just graham crackers and spit liquor. I honestly don’t know why he’d move away from that unless it’s coming later in massive amounts. 

Again, there were jokes that I liked. His chunk about traffic was pretty strong. I liked the line about left turns (”That’s your yellow, you paid for it with your green.”) He has a strong riff with the audience about what to call a car with a bathroom. His bit about gene splicing (in 1981, holy shit) and his cat is all pretty solid (”Why don’t they make a butt flavored cat food?”, “When’s the last time your cat brought you home a tuna?”, when he wipes his feet on the pre-flattened cat). But there’s still arguably-racist jokes about the Japanese, the Iranians, Mexicans and their cars, etc. And there’s still jokes I’m not sure if he actually wrote (”military intelligence”) or might not be the most original (”why does a man have nipples?”, getting charged more when a check bounces). 

But the weirdest part comes at the end. And I say this knowing full well that he enters the stage singing, with a roller skate on one foot and a spring on the other, and that stage hands toss him hats or American flags at various times throughout the show. But Gallagher’s big Hannah Gadsby moment is a ‘save the whales’ poem complete with illustrations, one of which sprays water. It has nothing to do with the rest of the show. And Gallagher’s seemingly anti-union, dog-whistle-racist commentary seems at odds with such a cliche-hippy message. I have no real problem with it. But shit was weird. Like, maybe just smash some watermelons, man. 

Two Real. (1981).

Okay. I stand corrected. This was incredible. I don’t even care if things didn’t necessarily work. Yes, there was still gay voice and his most anti-Mexican joke yet. But this was ambitious as fuck. The ‘stupid’ part of the show makes the first part (since this was the same night as ‘Mad as Hell’) almost come off as brilliant. It’s AM & FM by Carlin meets Steve Martin meets the Carnegie Hall show by Andy Kaufman. He’s got sketches with a female performer. More songs. More balloon animals. Even a song-and-dance act with a prosthetic woman on his back that I feel like would have murdered at the Lincoln Lodge in 2005. The sledge hammer is even bigger. He even has the watermelons perform in a trapeze act. And he still finds ways to sneak in commentary on Middle Eastern oil or says the network news ain’t real or whatever.  I’m trying to picture a 35-year-old comic from my generation pulling this off now and I’m coming up completely empty. Maybe Vatterott. It’s just hard to believe this is the same guy from the year before. 

Totally New (1982).

The name probably wasn’t meant to be ironic. But this is a lot of rehash from the first special. Actually, I think the watermelon routine is the exact same as the first special. But I just keep thinking about how the watermelon smashing is the only thing we currently remember about Gallagher, when so much of this is political in nature. The theme is essentially, “How do we beat the Japanese?” That comes with some pretty dicey commentary on Japanese people, themselves. The worst of which is when he asks a member of the audience what they did today to beat the Japanese. And when the man replies that he dug a ditch, Gallagher says, “And buried a Jap in it?” I mean, Jesus Christ. Even if that line was handed to him on a platter... yuck. And since his overall message reminds me of a nationalistic Trump campaign rally, it might be important to know that our president is only a month older than Gallagher. Take that for whatever it’s worth. 

I guess I miss the fun of the last special and was hoping Gallagher was finding his groove. Maybe the dislocated elbow has something to do with it, but the same magic isn’t there. And the odd editing and misplaced laugh tracks also distracted me to the point that I had to assume some the jokes didn’t land when he did them live. I’m not even really sure if any stand out to me. There’s anti-union stuff. He does gay voice again and says “fairy” towards the end. There’s a point where he says, “I want you people to respect me for my mind,” and I thought, ‘that’s interesting’, but then he follows it up by saying, “See how dumb that sounds, girls?” So yeah. That’s what I’ll probably remember. I don’t know. The observational stuff wasn’t for me. He had a bit about women loving shoes. He sang a country song (!) that would definitely not be okay in the MeToo era. At times, some of the sight gags reminded me of something John Oliver would do towards the end of his show. But most of it felt like filler. 

There’s a point where he takes a fuzzy bathroom mat and lid and pretends to be a baseball catcher, which is a pretty great sight gag. His spelling material was interesting, but lacked punch lines. And I liked when he talked about his daughter. Because maybe it was the only time we’ve really gotten to see the real guy behind all the mess. The title notwithstanding, I am ready for something from Gallagher that is totally new.      

That’s Stupid (1982).

Hey gang. This was bad. And I’m not really clear what it was for. It’s the same jokes for the most part, but this time it’s done in a frantic and oddly-edited public-access-style monologue. There were lots of takes he should have re-shot. And I’m wondering if these were originally supposed to be digested in 5-minute chunks between shows. And maybe they threw them together into a special at a later time? And I almost skipped this because it’s not live. Then I remembered Drew Michael’s HBO special, which is essentially the same thing. So oddly enough, the two most avant-garde specials of 2018 (Drew and Hannah Gadsby) had already been done by Gallagher in 1981 and 1982. But I guess that’s what happens when you have 100 specials.    

Just about the best thing I can say about this is that he looks like he’s having fun. He keeps going for a joke about a Japanese computer spitting out fortune cookies, which... no. He also complains about cab drivers not being from this country. Then again, I swear Seinfeld has the same fucking bit. And he has even more anti-gay jokes. Some of which appear while he’s shirtless with manikins, which seem like a fever dream. I guess I liked seeing his house in Malibu. He had two jokes I hadn’t heard yet that I liked (one about finding good parking spots for the gym and the other about how they should get the net out of the middle of tennis courts because it ruins the game). And the one genuinely funny moment, quick though it was, came when he talked to a blonde woman at the unemployment office who said a man exposed himself from behind a newspaper. And Gallagher asked if he was reading the want ads. It’s objectively funny. But yeah. This one should be avoided. But I guess his joke about E.T. is a kind reminder about just how long ago this actually got made.         

Stuck in the Sixties (1983).

So there’s a theme of sorts, even though almost every joke was on “That’s Stupid.” Again, the editing is distractingly bad. I always think how expensive it must have been for him to just buy all these random things just to hold them up to the audience and say they’re stupid. But again, that still reminds me of John Oliver. There’s a long chunk about women’s nightgowns, and I have to admit that the sight gag of him pretending to go to the grocery store while saying, “This is a hideous problem,” made me laugh. I find it interesting that he said we shouldn’t have phone books, we should have computers. And that we should be able to dial people’s names. So he was right on those ones. But really, this is forgettable. And still, nothing gets a reaction like the Sledge-O-Matic. This one includes cottage cheese, so that’s fun. And the anti-Mexican, anti-Japanese stuff was barely noticeable. He says “rice-burnin’ cars” and he points at a guy in the crowd and identifies him as a Mexican. Other than that, it’s peace and love. But not much else.     

The Maddest (1983).

Do I think this one is memorable? Yeah, because I remember it from when I was a kid. It’s the giant couch trampoline special. And I’ve noticed that Gallagher has developed a bit of swag over the last two specials. And why wouldn’t he? This crowd is with him on everything this time. And at the end, they know the Sledge-O-Matic is coming, a few people have brought protective sheets and these people WANT that watermelon. And they want that son of a bitch smashed. He’s definitely performing to fans. Finally.     

I also might be changing my mind, in hindsight, about the “That’s Stupid” special. These last two specials have been packed with that same material. So it’s like he crammed every joke he performed into an hour and did them as fast as he could. “That’s Stupid” is jam packed. It’s two-other-specials worth of material. Which also means a lot of this stuff is repeats again. There’s also an outsized number of jokes I have to wonder, again, if they were written by Gallagher. Hot dog packages and hot dog buns have different numbers. 7-11 has locks, but it’s open 24 hours. And agin, I have to wonder if all of that is besides the point since he’s also entering on roller skates, driving around a school desk, having an Exorcist baby spit water and doing backflips on a fucking couch trampoline that he bought “with yer money.”

Again, I think his stuff about his baby daughter is probably the strongest. I liked the bit where he says Californians were pissed they couldn’t go any farther west so they built piers. And he has a men vs. women joke that’s eerily similar to Chris Rock’s from “Bigger and Blacker”, which came almost two decades later. Also, there’s some homophobia (he calls a hat ‘sissy’, he repeats a joke about sexual confusion in San Francisco). And I’m curious if his “busses taking kids to the wrong schools” line (another repeat) is anti-integration, which would be fucking flagrant.   

Mostly I’m curious about all the repeat material. Like, what is the need for Gallagher and Showtime to put out multiple shows with the same jokes shuffled around? The sight gags are what’s new, which I guess answers the question about what was important. At one point we’re almost 55-minutes in, and Gallagher references being up there for an hour and a half. He’s done something like this before and it makes me wonder if he had a longer show they edited around or what. I guess I’m just confused as to why we keep getting two specials a year or whatever it is, just so another big sight gag can be introduced. Then again, I remembered the couch. But I couldn’t tell you a single joke. And I think it’s probably gonna stay that way.  

Melon Crazy (1984).

The jokes are no longer the point. You could argue that they never were to begin with. But things have fully devolved into a big messy finale, new gadgets and sight gags and nothing else even matters. The people have brought their tarps from home. There’s a kid in a welding mask. And you’ve heard a vast majority of the jokes already. Nobody seems to mind. Part of me is surprised Showtime didn’t mind. But again, the jokes are no longer the point. If they were ever the point. 

In fact, this time, Gallagher brings out Bill Kirchenbauer (Growing Pains, Just The Ten Of Us) to do 12 minutes of material and then another 5 minutes of riffing. But I guess, why do other people’s material when you can just get other people to do their own? And Kirchenbauer isn’t bad. He’s physical. He has props. He’s bald. Less charismatic, but more likable. I feel like I remember watching his set when I was a kid. 

But we should probably talk about the sight gags. Gallagher comes out with a train-set hat shaped like a watermelon. He has a giant inflatable watermelon. He flies a small zeppelin (also a watermelon) over the audience, telling them he spends money on these things because they’re tax deductible. Now there’s a cleaning bucket for the Sledge-O-Matic. And the big closing piece is a Jackson Pollock-style painted map of the United States made with condiments and goop.

The bit is also a vehicle for more racist jokes about Mexicans. The crowds all seem to be in California. And they seem to laugh and applaud at the jokes. He uses guacamole to paint California. Then bean dip to indicate the southern border. It might have seemed more innocent if he hadn’t already had a joke about Californians wanting to annex Mexico because, “If you’re gonna live with the people you might as well get the real estate that goes with ‘em.” And he’s already told you (again) that he’s not thrilled about foreign cab drivers (”I don’t have anything against foreigners, but it ain’t no reason to give em a job,”). He also alludes to Chinese people in San Francisco, but it seemed more innocent without anti-Chinese shit earlier in the act.      

Maybe none of this matters. Maybe it’s just a cadence, words to say while he does the thing they came to see. But as the credits roll, snippets of his act are repeated in audio form. Like, “Remember this one?” And yeah. I do. Because you’ve used it on four specials. Which, again, is probably besides the point. 

Over Your Head (1984).

Hey, some new stuff. Or like, 70% anyway. This time Gallagher is in Texas. And he’s figured out new ways to fuck with the crowd. He’s got a bucket of water in a paper bag. When they think that’s done, he sprays them with a water gun as they scurry for their tarps. At the end, the stage has sprinklers, which is actually pretty genius. And I have to admit that I love when he gives the crowd a knowing look. About 13 minutes in, he does just that while saying, “You’re very correct to have your plastic up at this point.” Because, really, what’s the fun if everyone is ready for it? 

This is almost a full-on variety show. He tap dances. Sharon Baird from The Mickey Mouse Club tap dances even better. Gallagher reads a poem about river pollution, while a blue screen shows videos to the home audience. He sings “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” while a zeppelin hovers over the crowd. It’s bigger than the one from the last special. Then the feed cuts to Gallagher flying an actual zeppelin somewhere. Presumably over a rainbow. All while wearing a top hat that turns into a rainbow. And it’s somehow all a message about air pollution. In Texas. In 1984.        

So he definitely gets an A for ambition once again. Because as I typed that out, it started to dawn on me how insane that sounds on paper. Plus he’s got jokes about the Phoenicians, he’s got a mascot-like character of guy with his head up his ass. His fake daughter hangs off the rafters. And he has giant swim trunks he turns into a dress and a bull whip he bought at a 7-11. Maybe I’d be more impressed if I liked the stand-alone jokes. It’s really broad, for the most part. Women be shopping. Lots of pandering to Texas. Lots of facial mugging. But when the slop comes out everyone roars. By now I should give up on the ‘smart’ portion, accept the applause breaks, and embrace the stupidity. 

The Bookkeeper (1985).

James Franco should totally play Gallagher in the movie. Anyway, I don’t know why I’m getting so annoyed at all the repeat material. Maybe because saying ‘14 specials’ is kinda misleading since it’s one or two specials, shifted around by theme or at random. The theme in this one is taxes. He doesn’t like paying them. And there are some funny lines in there. He breaks down whose seat payed for what and then says, “That’s why I love the balcony. You’re MY money.” And “Congress is the opposite of progress,” which I’m guessing there’s zero chance he wrote. But he also shoots a ball of money into the crowd with a cannon, so what’s the point of dissecting it?   

And I could complain about his ‘men don’t stop to ask for directions’ bit. Or tell you that his material about masculine female athletes would be problematic in 2019. Or that he does a bit about women breaking a nail. Because he also has an invisible elephant climb up a ladder (complete with bending bars) and dive off a diving board into a pool, splashing water on the first few rows. He also has new mallets. He’s got a peeled watermelon. He’s got a giant big wheel. He’s got strobe lights. And it still hasn’t gotten old to me when he fakes out the crowd.  

There were things I liked or found interesting. I honestly liked hearing him talk about Michael Jackson (”You sing about Billie Jean, I want to see the bitch,”) and Brooke Shields ("Her name even sounds like an anti-sexual device,”). It’s funny when he talks about all the ridiculous things he learned in school, which he pronounces SHULE. And the bit about the ‘W’ in ‘One’ and ‘Two’ is clever. And the commercial he saw for the suppository, where the woman saying, “Don’t take my world for it,” is just a nice way of saying, “Stick one up your ass.”          

He’s spending a fuckload more times on the props though, and it shows. Even if there are multiple repeats, he’s always a step ahead of his audience in the splash zone. Just not sure if you can fault him if he’s giving the people what they want. 

Overboard (1987).

Honestly, I think this might be Peak Gallagher. If this isn’t his pinnacle, I’d be shocked. The material is new (or like, 95%), and strong enough that an editing decision was made to just give a highlight reel of the Sledge-O-Matic starting at the 45-minute mark. He must have done over two hours by the looks of it. And he’s got the biggest stage yet, the biggest set yet and the biggest props yet. In other words, yeah, Overboard. 

Let’s also get out of the way, that it’s also probably the most ‘problematic’ of the Gallagher specials if it were released in 2019. He’s got a ‘Fat Bitch on a Stick’, basically a heavyset woman on a pole that he holds over the audience and says, “She’ll poop on ya.” Which she then does. And I’m laughing as I type that. He throws the mannequin of an ugly Soviet/Russian woman in a pool. He hands vibrating watermelons to bikini models. He has bikini models. He says he doesn’t like women who look like men. And if they want to pump iron... it’s a dumbbell made of clothing irons. He says prison overcrowding causes homosexuality. But that might just be for his street joke punchline of “nowhere to put their stuff.” He says ‘sissy’ again, regarding the names of nuclear missiles. He has more jokes about the Japanese (”a race of very short people who are always bending in half”) and does an L/R pronunciation joke for the Toyota Corolla. There’s also Japanese tourist material. But the real ‘yikes’ stuff is about Arabs. TWA stands for ‘Travel With Arabs’, Delta stands for ‘Don’t Even Let Them Aboard’. He mistakes ‘Arab’ for ‘Muslim’ again later in the show. This is in 1987, mind you. And then the skinned watermelon at the end is Muammar Gaddafi, complete with a turban. It might be Bugs-Bunny-level racism, but still. 

If we can get past that, this can be a fantastic spectacle full of fantastic spectacles. He has a giant car, designed to look like a boat. He has a seagull on a pole, which also shits on all the people in their raincoats. He swings on a rope over their heads, which looks fucking dangerous. He invented a beer gun. And a champagne gun. And a moose douche, which is so stupid, it’s hilarious. He has a muscle coat, which I wanted really bad as a kid. And at the end, his daughter (I assume) hits him in the face with a pie.      

I think the biggest relief for me was that the material was new. I think we get to the 43-minute mark before he does verbatim jokes I’ve heard him do. Sure, some of the ‘new’ stuff seems lifted. He does the Greenland/Iceland bit. He does the “the cops didn’t have anything to go on” street joke. A new joke about men not asking for directions. But it’s also commentary on Iran-Contra, the presidents since LBJ, and after he ranted about spending money on other countries and giving back the Panama Canal, I swear Trump has seen this special. Especially when you see Trump splashing water. If he could hand vibrating watermelons to bikini babes at his rallies, you know he would. 

In 1986, Showtime put out a special called, ‘The Messiest’, which was just clips from pervious specials. I joked to myself about how that’s basically what every Gallagher special was. Not this one. Maybe if five specials from now, he’s still splashing the crowd with a paddle while Frankie Ford’s “Sea Cruise” plays, but as of now, this one will be hard to top.                

We Need a Hero (1992).

I can’t quite place my finger on it, but I feel like this isn’t the same fun-loving Gallagher from the 80′s. Maybe it’s because he seems obsessed with ‘getting’ the audience now. He makes fun of them when he fakes them out with water and slop. He tells them they look dumb when they duck. He never used to do that. Maybe it’s because they bring massive tarps now. But the ‘pies’ he makes at the end just gross the audience out. They grossed me out too. A soaked diaper with mustard and beer? That’s pretty fucking disgusting. So is watching him hand-mix baked beans and apple sauce for some reason. But I guess he stands in the audience while his infamous brother smashes shit this time to prove he can take it, but still. At this point, if you go to one of Gallagher’s shows, he’s fully intent on ruining whatever you were wearing. Hey honey, I got tickets to a full-on food fight tonight. Can’t wait to come home stinking like god-knows-what. This is the same guy who used to throw out candy bars and cookies.        

Maybe it’s his age. Gallagher is 46 now. He’s got a shaved head, which is actually an upgrade, even though he looks like G. Gordon Liddy. And I can’t help but think he feels angrier or like he’s not having as much fun. At least until the whig comes off. Maybe he’s just seeing how far he can take things. All that being said, this is also Gallagher’s most topical special thus far. And it does have some truly great moments (which I’ll get to). 

He’s got jokes about Pee-wee Herman, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Baker (”It’s too much to ask the preachers to do more than laypeople”, “I’m not a preacher ‘cause I already got your money”), Mike Tyson, George Bush (he said, “Read my lips” because he’s lying out his ass), Bill Clinton, Ross Perot, the Kennedys (they’re “drunk butts” from High-anus), Pete Rose, Madonna, Dr. Ruth, etc, etc, etc. Everything places us clearly in 1992. And I believe it’s 100% new stuff. There were lots of lines that made me laugh. “Soup isn’t food. Soup is what’s left over in the dishwasher after a good meal”, “A fair is where we all go to get cheated”, “Women can’t keep a secret but they can hold a fart”. And the problematic stuff might not be as noticeable. He doesn’t like men who wear an earring or women who look masculine. But that might just be a way for him to reveal his shaved head or the bikini top he made for his muscle suit. He has a “Black Or White” joke for Michael Jackson, but I’m guessing every comic at the time thought of that joke. 

My favorite part is when he brings up Robert Morris, a 14-year-old boy, who is so perfectly dorky that he is probably a plant. Like, I rewound the part where he tries to speak into the microphone and gets sprayed with water three times. That shit killed me. Even thought I’m positive I’ve seen this before. I mean, Gallagher also sprays the kid with a fuckload of silly string, which could be considered mean. But he really walks a fine line between laughing AT this kid and still making it okay. This special is essentially topical jokes and passable relationship humor done by a guy who probably has the gravitas to not smash shit anymore. And maybe it’s making him resent them for making him. 

Smashing Cheeseheads (1997).

I’m pretty sure this isn’t a Showtime special, but it almost looks like one, so why not? Gallagher sticks with the topical. He’s got jokes about OJ Simpson and Lorena Bobbitt. After his Mike Tyson joke, a graphic comes on the screen that says, “Two hours after this performance, Mike Tyson bit off a piece of Evander Holyfield’s ear.” He also thinks the kids should pull their damn pants up. He points out how different men and women are. Men go off to the garage, for example. So it’s definitely not hip. And the hair is back, so maybe that’s a statement on how he’s 51-years-old and he’s not changing. But I also think the career decline is the most evident here, even though the theater in Green Bay is full.  

This is also the first special where Gallagher just flat-out calls something, ‘faggy’. He also says he’s gonna smash fruit cocktail for the homosexuals. Then he combines the fruit cocktail (aka ‘the queers’) with La Choy (for ‘the China people’) and calls it “a San Francisco treat.” We’re in Wisconsin, mind you, so who fucking knows why that would land. And the laughter seems pumped in for that line. The weirdest fucking thing to me is that, based on the montage at the end, there was a lot of editing done during the show. So he (or whoever edited this) left that joke in because they liked it. Crazy.   

I’m guessing this is largely forgettable. The Sledge-O-Matic has devolved into blatant gross-out time. There’s pickle water in a Depends diaper. Peanut butter becomes a shit joke. Jelly is cum. He hits chocolate Pop Tarts into the crowd with a tennis racket and says they're bound to hurt somebody. So like, why do it then? Just about the most interesting thing for me was that this is the first time we see Gallagher actually purchasing groceries for his show. And he spends $253, which would be about $400 in 2019. It’s all fresh food, Gallagher reminds the audience earlier in the show. So if it hits you with your mouth open, just go ahead and chew. It’s also the first time I’ve seen him walk into the crowd with a fire hose and spray the back of the crowd and the balcony. So nobody is safe. And I’m sure if he found a way to splash his gross-ness on me while I watched it 22-years later, he would do that too.  

Messin’ Up Texas (1998).

Wow. This is an absolute shitshow. I don’t even know what to say about what this has devolved into. Then again, the tastes in entertainment in the late 90′s and early 2000′s sure were going this way, but Jesus Christ. It’s almost entirely crowd work. A lot of it is downright mean. And then by the end, the stage is just a goddamn disaster. Again, there were parts I liked. 

First of all, Gallagher’s nephew, Logan, is a hit with the crowd. Some of Gallagher’s interactions with the kid are a smidge inappropriate. But one of the parts I liked the most from We Need a Hero was when he’d have ‘adult’ lines go over the 14-year-old kid’s head while the crowd laughed. So I have to accept that a boy scooping butter out of a tub with his hands gets told he should be a gynecologist when he grows up. And that’s before a thinly-veiled joke about the kid masturbating in the shower. Real fucking borderline. But those were the good interactions. 

Gallagher loves telling people they’re fat. That’s a new thing he’s doing. And one poor kid named Adam gets told his mom picked a Biblical name because she’s in motels so often and she picked up a Bible and turned to the first page. And that’s before he tells the kid he has a ‘faggy’ pocket on his pants. There’s more homophobic shit when he starts bringing up dudes from the crowd who have pocketknives to open paint cans. He starts insinuating one guy’s earring is gay. And he tells him people with rainbow bumper stickers deserve to be rear ended. I felt the worst for a girl with the last name Campbell. Gallagher calls her a dumb bitch in a way that felt like he was barely kidding. He hits her with one of his gross-out pies when she wasn’t expecting it. And then has her lift her shirt up to wipe it off, exposing her bra. I felt so uncomfortable. But she was a really good sport and got to smash watermelons at the end. Someone her age now would dash off the stage bawling and her tears would launch 1000 blogs. And these were all the parts where it felt like Gallagher was in control. Not so much later on.  

Some of the audience members are not ready for prime time. One teenager is uncontrollable and starts grabbing random things off the stage. That stayed in the final edit, somehow. Gallagher also apparently blinds himself with one of the mustard splats and I felt like the wheels were coming off. There was a point a few specials back where I was sick of his material. Now I’m begging him to reel everything back in.             

Sledge-O-Matic.com (2000).

This might be entirely skippable. It’s essentially the same set as the last two specials. Except it’s somehow even more homophobic. He says ‘faggy’ more often. He basically tells a 10-year-old boy he looks like his mom and picked a ‘faggy’ candy. He thinks pro wrestling is gay. Men with earrings look like homosexuals and piss off all the queers that come up to them. Lots of YIKES-type shit. He even manages to throw in a Mexican janitor joke. It’s a little much, to say the least. I guess I’m surprised he put this out. Except I guess he’s got a shaved head and a goatee again. Because he’s trying to look like Steve Austin. And maybe he just wants to sell a new shirt. And I suppose when he tells the little boy he can’t tell his gender, it does yield the line, “What? It’s just a head sticking out of a plastic bag. Looks like Jeffrey Dahmer’s garbage.” So... worth it?

The crowd just wants the smashing. When he’s trying to complain about modern society, he starts to lose them. He seriously tries to sneak in anti-religious jokes in the middle of this chaos where the audience has essentially become children and Hot Topic teenagers with their parents. There are a few other good lines. A guy walks in late with (presumably) a NASCAR jacket and Gallagher says, “You walk in late with Tide on your jacket. Go do another load and come back.” And when he talks about precautions against a lawsuit for things that happen during his show he says, “The things I want to do at night for fun sound real dumb at court in the morning.” In fairness, I guess he didn’t have too much further he could have gone after Overboard. But at this point, we’ve hit a wall.             

Tropic of Gallagher (2007).

I can’t find the footage online and part of me is thrilled about that. 

Gotham Comedy Live (2014); episode “Gallagher”.

This is listed under his comedy specials on his Wikipedia. It’s not. He’s just hosting a showcase-type show on AXS TV. And it’s part sad, part fascinating to watch. For one thing, he’s not smashing anything, so Gallagher is limited to his old one-liners, which come off really awkwardly and past their sell-by date. He also has a fucking Arab joke that somehow still made it onto the show in 2014. But it’s interesting in that, this is basically back to where we started in 1980. Except he’s not 34 and on roller skates. He’s 61 and he’s had 4 heart attacks. It’s also the first time I’ve seen him with a regular microphone. But goddamnit, Gallagher looks like he’s having fun and happy to be there. It’s charming in an old-guy type of way. And I’m just kinda happy to see that he’s not flinging gross shit at idiots. At least not for this one night in Manhattan. 

Too many thoughts too little time.

I'm just gonna vomit dump all my ideas up in one spot maybe it'll help me focus.

If there's a ship you don't like you can just skip over that part.

Mizho/Fussa

The band gets together and Fussa backs off Mizho pretty much entirely, considering she was originally only doing so for The Money(tm) and that's changed. Mizho's grateful for it... at first. Mizho's pretty openly a lesbian and now 20, Rage and Paresse have been together for a while now, and Fussa, with three supportive queer bandmates around her, finally comes out as trans. It takes Mizho quite a bit to wrap her head around it.

Fussa decides to dress up just a bit more fem one day and asks for Mizho's help. Fussa has her hair down, just a casual blouse and jeans... and Mizho offers to do her makeup and suddenly they're very close and Mizho's heart is in her fucking throat as her brain finally gets with the program and registers Fussa as a woman and suddenly she realizes she has a thing for older women.

Insert soft bumbling mumbles about how Fussa should dress up more often and excusing herself when they're done... proceeding to go have gay panic 2.0 while frantically texting the boys; [WHAT DO??? PRETTY LADY???? IM FUCKING??? LESBIANS???]

Paresse/Rage

Rage's first break down since becoming human. He's a fucking mess and yelling at Paresse, even as he's being held and ugly crying. Mizho and Fussa not quite sure what to do, but Paresse just... instinctively trying everything he knows to calm him down. And both of them slowly realizing how much they care about the other.

They settle on best friends for a while.

Paresse does his best to be 'okay'. He has more energy and over exerts himself for the other three as if he has to make up for what he couldn't do as a robot. Paresse with a caretaker complex, even if he's arguably one of the most traumatized of the band. Eventually, it does break him down, too, but it's more quiet and Rage ends up repeating a few of the phrases Paresse has said to him countless times... and they realize what they have isn't a friendship, it's something much different.

Fussa/Paresse

Vice dies, early on. Paresse steps up suddenly as the ultimate evil. No one believes it when he is the one calling for a meeting. Only Jealousy shows up and Paresse goes to yank every last one of his other new subordinates out of their homes to drag them to the meeting.

Fussa finds this particularly terrifying and cannot explain why it makes her FUCKING hard. Paresse, having copied Jealousy's heart reading, picks up on it immediately and uses it to his advantage. Fussa is very blatantly against following Vice, but Vice is gone. And Paresse would very much like to have her loyalty. And so manipulates her based on her fear and arousal and turns her and Rage into his personal playthings.

Vice/Rage

Rage fawning after Vice as douji in the way an obsessed henchman in a video game fawns over their supervillain master... except Rage has money and loves to occasionally buy shit for Vice. He doesn't say anything more other than some shit like, 'got it on a whim' or 'forgot I already had one you can have this one'.

Vice knows exactly who the gifts come from, but cannot fucking fathom why other than maybe Rage is trying to buy his favor so Vice won't kill him? That's gotta be it, right?

Except the gifts don't stop when they become human. He offers Vice the body guard job... and suddenly Vice is the henchman, in a way. The band gets drunk, celebrating a milestone, Vice is on duty.

Suddenly Mizho whispers something to Rage and the next thing Vice knows is an alcohol-wet pair of lips on his.

Mizho/Rage

Two curious teenagers who grow into a fucking power couple like the world has never seen before. May or may not kill people behind the scenes for a while after the douji become human to satiate their own bloodlust. They're an open relationship but god help the person who tries to get between them. Just general metal goth couple GOALS.

Mizho/Paresse

Generally angsty shit. Both chasing after Michel in their own ways. All around unhealthy. Also an excuse to write v on v sex. Could become healthy if they talk any of their shit out but... they're sloth. Good luck with that. Mostly I wanna write cooch grinding.

Hi! Weird Dune question. Are there any specific mythos to the worms? Like, are they lovecraftian with some agenda or just animals?

I mean I could just say "In highly reductive terms, and if we're talking in terms of just the first and second books, yeah, they're just animals and the worm's only agenda is tunneling through sand and attacking the shit out of anything that makes vibrations, but also that just kind of ignores the part where they are a major cultural focus of the Fremen and one of the coolest fucking things in Dune" but where's the fun and infodumping in that?

Major spoilers for the Dune Universe up ahead!

So, here's the thing about the worms: They're not actually a native species of Arrakis. Their larval form, the Sandtrout, was introduced to Arrakis sometime before the Butlerian Jihad when the universe was being colonized. Sandtrout look like this:

And Fremen children play with them like these!

More on that later!

But the thing about Sandtrout is, they absorb water in their environment. They're what terraformed Arrakis into a desert planet by shlorping up all the moisture! Liet Kynes talks about finding fossils of sea creatures on Arrakis!! There was a sea!! But it all got sucked up by sandtrout!! And then once Sandtrout get bigger, they link up together and eventually develop a hard carapace that allows them to tunnel through the sand and grind up the sand for sand plankton! And then they vent all this superheated oxygen out between the plates of their carapace so there's like this FWOOOM smoke rushing out from between their plates when they burst out of the sand!

"But Nite," you're saying, "I was asking if the worms have an agenda. Why are you going into the weird life stages of the worms?"

So here's where we get really spoilery.

So Paul and Chani have babies (yaaaay!!! I'm not gonna talk about the sad parts!!) but due to a whole shit-ton of circumstances that we're just gonna skip over, Paul's son Leto II fakes his death and goes out into the desert and--remember the water wiggler toys? You know how you can kind of... slide them around your hand? He does that with the sand trout. They swarm around him and he does that with his whole body. And they become an exoskeleton. And this exoskeleton gives him crazy super-strength even though it's slowly eroding his human body underneath. And he can tunnel through sand and even communicate to the worms--I mean to a limited extent, he can get one to stop in its tracks. This is his metamorphosis into the God Emperor. A horrible worm-human hybrid who rules for 3500 years. So, Arrakis is already a holy site thanks to the religion established by Paul, but with more and more pilgrims coming, and with Leto taking on this fucked up God Emperor form, Arrakis gets terraformed into this oasis world, which actually kills off pretty much all of the sand worms because, fun fact, water is deadly poisonous to a fully-grown sandworm (Which I know is weird considering their larval form are all about shlorping up water). So Leto II, who is a huge giant fucked up worm-human hybrid--see figure 3--

(fig. 3)

rules for 3500 years. So as far as "Worm Agenda" goes, there is one Worm-human-hybrid, controlling the whole goddamn universe for 3500 years. And it's fucked up. His hyper-prophetic vision has totally stagnated human civilization. How can you advance, how can you catalyze change, when the person in charge sees everything coming? I mean it's kind of cool because his army of fanatical fish-speakers is all women and there's a lot of lesbian-ing, but Frank Herbert is a homophobe so he's an asshole about this. But anyway, since most of the worms have died off, Spice becomes super rare so basically we can't really explore space anymore. We become stagnated. We become fanatical. We're all fucking obsessed with Worm God Leto. But thanks to Siona Atreides, who is genetically invisible to prescience, along with a Duncan Idaho Zombie Clone and the reluctant Fish-speaker Nayla, God-Emperor Leto II falls into a river, he fucking dies, and his body dissolves into thousands of--you guessed it--sandtrout!! And over hundreds of years they re-terraform Arrakis back into hell-fuck desert!! Spice is back!! The emperor is gone!! We can explore again!!! HOWEVER!! All of these sand trout possess a small itty bitty nugget of Leto II's consciousness! They are technically his fucked up corpse babies! SO you fast forward another 1500 years, and you have one of my favorite characters in Dune, Sheeana, this kid, a descendent of fremen and probably more than a few Duncan Idaho zombie clones (you can blame Leto II for that), has just had her village destroyed by sandworms, but--this is how Sheeana learns she can control the worms.

So basically... the thing to understand here, is that worms in Dune represent a link between humans and the environment, and like, human structures of power are ultimately dependent on that link. So do not fuck with the worms! They will fuck your shit up! And if you hybridize with the worms, you will fuck the universe up for literal millennia! There are certain degrees to which the environment will react to human interference! We are a part of this environment! We are at the mercy of this environment! Don't be a dumbass!

This has been my lecture on worms.

dom, sub, switch or brat? - genshin women x female!reader

cw: 100% lesbian content with jean, beidou, rosaria, ningguang and lisa; NSFW, explicit sexual content, BDSM dynamics, soft and hard doms, praise, degradation, blasphemy (?) on rosaria's part, mention of face slapping in beidou's. MEN, NON-WLW, AGELESS BLOGS AND MINORS DNI. YOU WILL GET BLOCKED.

A/N: i told yall i was gonna take this matter into my own hands. 😈 as always, remember english is not my first language! i apologize for any mistake.

jean

ah, dear jean... she's not only a sub, but a pillow princess.

poor girl is so stressed with work... and what better way to de-stress than letting her girlfriend take care of her?

she loves being a sub. she loves not having to think or to make an important decision. she can just... let go. give up control. trust you to think for her. she knows that, at least during sex, she's not the Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius... she's just your jean. your girlfriend. your good girl. your pretty princess.

and you're so good to her. praising her in the way she deserves to be. she's such a hardworker, doesn't she deserve all the praise in the world? isnt't she just a good girl? you treat her so sweetly, kissing her whole body just to see her shiver and blush, all shy.

"you're so pretty..." you said, leaving another kiss at her pussy, two fingers working inside her. she was so embarrassed, poor thing. her right hand was covering her mouth and, once you noticed that, you used your left hand to remove it, intertwining your fingers with hers, making her look at you, all red and shy. "i want to hear you, baby. let me see how good i'm making you feel, yeah? nothing to be embarrassed about, princess."

beidou

a lot of people see beidou as a hard dom, and i see where they're coming from.

but, consider this: brat beidou.

she's not only a pirate, but also a captain. she has her own ship, her own crew and, similar to jean, she also has a lot of work and just wants to let go.

but here's the twist: she wants to let go, but she also loves to challenge you. she loves seeing you snap and putting her in her place. she's a total sucker for that.

she will tease you through the day, she wants to do whatever it takes for you to put your hands on her.

"huh, that's all you got?" she said, smirking at you, as if your scissoring haven't been doing anything to her. you rolled your eyes and squeezed her neck hard, making her moan and arch her back. "keep talking shit like that and I'll hit that pretty face of yours. i don't think you want that, do you?" that's a lie, you knew she did, that's what she looks forward to the most, such a little masochist she is. lucky for her, she has you, her little sadistic brat tamer girlfriend. ah, a match made in heaven.

rosaria

hard dom. i don't think i need to elaborate, do i?

i mean... just look at her. such a strong, independent woman... it's just natural that her personality would extend to the bedroom.

we all know rosaria doesn't like receiving orders. the reason? she prefers to simply give them.

she loves seeing her pretty little girlfriend squirming and obeying her like a good little sub would. the image of you bellow her, looking at her so ready to obey is enough to get her completly worked up.

she loves to degrade you. her mouth is so filthy and she's so mean to you, teasing you just to say you're the desperate one.

"you're such a slut... you know that, right?" she said, looking down at you between her legs, grabbing your hair and jerking your head up, so you can look into her eyes. "dropping on your knees and pratically crying to eat me out at the church. what would the sisters think?" she was being so unfair, she was the one teasing you! she was the one who has been whispering filthy things in your ear since the morning, she's the slut... right? totally not you for just acting like a whore - her words, not mine - and humiliating yourself just to eat her pussy on holy ground... right?

ningguang

dear ningguang here, is a switch. but most of the time, she's a soft dom.

she just loves to spoil you, in any sense. you liked a dress? she buys it. your favorite rock is cor lapis? expect an earrings + necklace set by your room in just a few days. that's her love language.

and it wouldn't be different in the bedroom. she spoils you with everything possible. kisses? touches? toys? whatever makes you moan so sweetly and makes you see stars, she will use. she just wants to make her girl happy.

and whenever she's a sub, she doesn't change her attitude. she'll do everything to please you. she will drop to her knees the second you ask her to, she will kiss every inch of your skin, she will put your pleasure above hers. "giving you pleasure gives me pleasure", she said once.

but you still don't let the night end without giving her pleasure too. she spoils you so much, she deserves to be spoiled too.

"is this good, darling?" she asked, kissing your inner thigh while two of her fingers were already inside of you, hitting that sweet spot that makes your eyes roll back. "y-yeah... like alwa- fuck" you gasped as she added a third finger and curled them upwards, stimulating you even more. you grabbed the back of her head and started slowly grinding against her fingers, making her bite her lip, just to let out a little moan after. she moves a little bit upwards to kiss your lower belly, right above your pussy. "i love seeing you like this, darling. i love to see you using me for your pleasure."

lisa

i see lisa as a dom, but here's the thing: she's a soft but mean dom?

let me explain.

she spoils you a lot during sex, always making sure you come at least three times and making sure to take care of your needs, but she constantly praises and degrades you at the same time - the perfect balance -, except it's a little tricky because she always has a sweet tone to her voice.

she uses her vision in her favor, giving you little shocks just to stimulate you a bit more. she even taught you how to manipulate it a little so you could use it on her too.

lisa, in my opinion, might be one of the kinkiest of this list, but damn if she isn't the queen of aftercare. overstimulating you until you're crying and shaking? expect a warm bath. spanking you until it actually hurts? expect lots of kisses after.

she knows the best spots in the library. that's all i'm gonna say.

"is there a problem, cutie?" she asked, faking sweetness in her eyes as she looks at you, all spread out for her, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel her wet pussy rubbing against yours "are you so fucked out you can't even speak anymore? my my cutie..." she just started to scissor your harder, not giving you time to relax. she was a little box of surprises.

What are your thoughts on gender neutral parenting?

This is the question I have next up. I have 30 minutes before I need to be on the Farm making kettle korn after a long, hot day yesterday of landscaping for a little side money. So here is goes My parents raised me in a sort of gender neutral way.. without awareness of it. This we the late 60's and early 70's. I still was praised for being "pretty in a dress" and told to smile because "I have such a pretty one". My mom wanted me to get perms and she always, always said when I was leaving to go anywhere, "don't be loud." (As a youngster I was very loud and outgoing. I tamed a bit as I got older, pretended I was shy so I didn't have to hide being a lesbian so hard.. just stay in the background.) But they also encouraged me to play with whatever I loved, to run around out side “GO OUTSIDE!!”, to be very independent, often riding my horses for hours without contact. They gave me chores from helping in the kitchen to cleaning the garage. They didn’t quell my passion for being rough and tumble AT HOME... in public mom tried a little harder to get me to settle and be more passive. They mostly let me dress in what I wanted except for fancy occasions like weddings and out to dinner with Uncle Jerry from Chicago. They did not force gendered things on me all the time for two main reasons. My sister (who is straight) was very independent and head strong. She did what she wanted and they figured I would too. AND my siblings were 17, 20 and 23 years OLDER than me. They were tired. They were over it. So they didn’t fight me on what I liked. (And dad was HAPPY to have help on the acreage since they moved there on my behalf to get horses and let me be more wild). When I told my mom, at 12, I wanted to be a boy she told me I did not (colorful description of why not... and not flattering to the male body) then said "what do you really want". I wanted to do what boys did. So she said "do it.. talk to your father". I did. He had been bypassing me in favor of the neighbor boys on manual labor since I was 9. He thought I was not interested. From then on, chainsaw, mowing, (not just the easy parts) hay, oil changes, and such. When he was dying he told me to take his belt, "good leather last you a life time and you pass it to your kids" and he made sure I got his "wedding suit". A brown 1970's 3 piece JC Penny suit that he wore for every "suit" occasion since he retired in the late 80's. He said I would look good in it. Mom was way more into making sure I followed the rules of my sex and the gender society applied to that. She was concerned I would not fit in, would have a hard time, or be bullied for not conforming to the expectations of females. Women=feminine. Which is odd considering she played softball, was known to be very bold and outspoken (there are stories worth telling there). She bowled, always worked full time and managed the financials of the house. She shared cooking with dad. Her worry came from a mom knowing her kid was different and if she could lesson that "oddity" she could protect me. OF course.. a butch in a dress is still a butch and everyone who can see knows it. So gender neutral parenting. It is a great theory. It should be a thing. When I say gender I mean the set of stereotypes and societal expectations placed on us because of our sex. The engrained response to gender is little girls get pink and teddy bears and little boys get blue and trucks. Most parents don't even realize (there have been studies) that they do it. They tell a little girl in boys clothes "you are so strong and tough" and a little boy in a dress "aren't you just precious and pretty... boys will love you". They are using visually gendered clues to determine the sex and therefore the gender and ROLES this child is supposed to abide by. Not just abide by but thrive on. Praise for following the rules. And kids figure that out very quickly. Little girls stop trying "hard or dirty" tasks and little boys stop being tender with a doll or each other because they don't earn praise for those behaviors. Unfortunately no matter how perfectly neutral a parent (or family) is the world exists. Day care, the park, grandparents, cousins and on and on also affect this child's view of themselves in the world. Gender Neutral purity can be dangerous. You child will get into the real world and be hit with reality. We are expected to follow certain rules based on our sex and not doing so can cause issues at school, jobs, summer camps etc if that child does not have an idea about what is happening. Gender awareness parenting is much more important once the child is past the stage of being only with mom and dad. Actively speaking to your son about the benefits of dolls (sesame street has a short clip about this and IT IS STILL amazing). Speaking to your daughter about what she loves and encouraging that. If a little girl loves pink and dolls GO FOR IT> Parenting is NOT and never should be a political statement. DO NOT use your chld to prove your wokeness on gender. If your little boy likes motorcycles and buzz cuts don’t make him grow long hair and ride a pink bike because “color is not gendered” Kids should be encouraged to love and pursue what they love not what their parents want or think they shouldwant  in order to make a statement. I am going to repeat that. Kids should never be a statement of their parent’s political wokeness. Kids are people.. they deserve to love what they are passionate about. THAT Is the core idea behind gender neutral parenting.  You can’t send your kid, unarmed and unaware in to a world still very flush with gendered jobs, clothes, actions, hobbies etc based on their sex and expect them to just blindly power through. Actively educating kids to understand gender expectations and empowering them to do as they please is parenting at it’s finest. A child kept in the dark about the reality of the bad effects gender roles has on each one of us can be dangerous. They need to be actively involved in making decisions to keep themselves safe, to understand why gender exists and to let them choose when and where to push back.