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violetrainbow412-blog · 10 months

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Decoy [S. R.]

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

word count: 6.9k

summary: when you go after an unsub who catches students making out, the unit is called upon to resort to desperate measures. Or in other words, where you and Spencer become the decoy to catch a voyeur.

warnings: +16. Making out, mentions of alcohol, mentions of violence, insinuation of smut, sexual tension

Do yourself a favor and imagine Spencer in these clothes during the case

You sighed, completely frustrated, while you looked for the thousandth time at the blackboard with some information from the profile that you had made for the criminal in this case.

You believed that the unsub was a Caucasian man between 30 and 35 years old, whose motive was to spy on and photograph university students who were escaping in their cars to make out at night, then force them to have sex in front of him and finally kill them cold-blooded. You imagined that he was a person with a mediocre job, that he felt insufficient, and that his voyeuristic behavior probably came from sexual frustration, something that could be corroborated by the violence that he inflicted on the genital area of the students whom he stalked using a knife, his mark on all homicides. You also believed that perhaps the rejection or abandonment of his last partner (preceded by a bad streak from his youth) due to his impotence had been the triggering event for all his repressed impulses to come to light.

All the psychological analysis was fine, it wasn't something you hadn't seen before, but the hard part of all this? Because he only threatened and killed people, he didn't rape them, at first it was almost impossible to tell who it was. He already had 20 victims in total and you weren't even close to catching him. In the last scene he had made the mistake of leaving a fingerprint and Garcia had been able to trace his true identity: Oliver Davis, a guy who fits the description perfectly. Unfortunately, this turned out to be useless because beyond the accusations of being a pervert, the man didn’t have much information that would give a clue to his whereabouts, you had even called the job that he had registered and all you had obtained was that he had several months without working there, which coincided with the beginning of the murders. After that Rossi suggested that he probably lived in a trailer (old, due to his lack of employment) where he developed the photographs and kept his trophies. That only made more sense when you thought that it would make it easier to transport or escape in case things got messy.

But words on paper and intelligent conclusions were of absolutely no use to you. You needed a plan to catch him.

"Do you have something, Reid?" Hotch had asked. You had already interviewed some students, you had set up guard duty to look for any suspicious behavior and you had even shared the photograph of the suspect in the media, but nothing had worked; The only thing left was to carry out the geographical profile to know the area in which he was attacking and thus be able to search for possible targets.

“I triangulated the locations we have of his previous homicides and I'm guessing he hits in this specific area,” he muttered, pointing to a space on the map he had on his blackboard with his middle finger. “Considering it's an area frequented by the age group due to its proximity to the universities and that it has several parks that the students told us they use to drink or go out as a couple”

"So what?" Morgan said from his spot. "We just wait until he kills someone else and hopefully we're near the scene to hear the screams?"

“Maybe we can ask the cops to patrol the area for the unsub's car,” JJ suggested.

“He's smart, there's a trailer park right here. It wouldn't be strange to find one on the streets as well.” Reid was visibly frustrated like everyone else and he ran a hand through his hair with some despair.

Your options were running out and frankly you couldn't think of anything else.

“And if we give him a target?” Emily murmured. Noticing that none of you said anything, she went on to explain her plan, “We ask police officers to send any young people they see around to home so we force our unsub to get close to who we want”

"And what are we going to do? Hire a couple of college kids to stalk them?”

“We can use our own team”

"Not to offend you, Prentiss, but we are no longer in the prime of youth"

"We don't, but Y/L/N and Reid do" when you heard your last name you were surprised, but when you heard your friend's you practically froze. First you looked at her and then at the doctor, whose gaze reflected the same stupefaction as you "You two are young, you might look like students"

"Are you saying you want to send us straight into the hands of a sexual predator?" you couldn't be offended, after all, those risks were part of the job, but you did feel somewhat reluctant about the idea.

“Do you have a better suggestion?”

“It doesn't sound so bad” Rossi murmured “It's a smart move”

“Besides, we would be watching around and we would intervene before that madman got close to you. Once we catch him, the photographs and personal items that he probably has in his trailer will be enough evidence, in addition to the fingerprint from the last crime scene” to your surprise, Derek was also pretty convinced of the plan that Emily had just devised.

"Reid, Y/L/N, would you guys be up for it?" Hotch exclaimed with his usual serious tone, looking at you and then at your partner.

Thinking objectively, the suggestion was very good. But thinking about it personally, you felt worried about the danger you two would be running into… oh, God. It wasn't until then that you realized that the plan to catch the suspect involved the two of you making out like a couple of hormonal college kids.

You knew that the options that remained wouldn’t be as opportune as that and taking into account the temporary nature with which Oliver operated, in addition to the fact that he was already deteriorating as a murderer, it was most likely that he was already looking for new victims, so if you did that same night the chances of success were quite high. You were between a rock and a hard place and all you could do was look at him while the gazes of the rest of the room were divided between the two of you.

“I… I'll only do it if you say yes” you exclaimed in his direction, with a cautious voice and a fearful look. You knew your friend and you didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable in any way, even though you knew that both you and he knew that your personal interests would take precedence against the possibility that another couple of victims would lose their lives if you refused. It was your job, you had to do it.

"Are you sure you guys are going to catch him before something happens?" Spencer asked your boss. You thought that with his background the last thing he wanted was to end up kidnapped or seriously injured again, even though the truth was that he was caring just as much about himself as he was about you. He had seen the photographs and knew that women were the most affected by the murder weapon… he didn't even want to imagine something like this happening to you.

"Of course. You will have communication with us and if something goes wrong we will get you out of there immediately" Aaron answered and your friend sighed nervously and then looked for your approval. You nodded slightly and he delivered the verdict, to which everyone agreed.

He was still standing, but after that he slumped into the nearest chair as he listened to everyone brainstorming ideas for setting up the scene, distributing the crew, and what they would tell the local police to do to make the decoy effective.

At some point you lost the whole point of the conversation, to start thinking about what was implied by what you were about to do.

The feeling of attraction for your co-worker had been latent in you for a couple of years, but you had never confessed it to anyone to avoid creating tension in the team or suffering the humiliation of certain rejection. Also, you knew that a crush meant distractions from what was truly important and you had tried, in vain, to eliminate it completely. But even if it hadn't completely gone, you had known how to control it, only allowing yourself to look at him with loving eyes from time to time and avoiding being too confident with him during group drinking outings. You even limited physical contact, not because you didn't like it but because you knew your greed would demand more and more of you until it became inevitable to beg for his touch. But now all that good work holding you back was screwed because in a few hours you would have to be passionately making out with him.

Still with the internal crisis, you raised your head to look at him and realized that he too had been submerged in his own tide of thoughts, which you hoped would be more positive than yours. At some point Spencer felt you watching him and when his eyes met yours he gave you that tight-lipped smile that was strangely comforting, to which you responded with the same gesture. After that it didn't take long for everyone to leave the room to fulfill their respective tasks, but you stayed seated because you honestly didn't feel enough energy to move. Besides, you had nothing entrusted to you, you were the bait.

"Hey, are you sure you're okay with this?" Spencer asked you, once everyone else had left. He looked so tired of everything, but at the same time there was a kind tone in his voice about him that made you smile.

“It's just kissing, Spence. I think we'll be fine" you assured him, trying to swallow all your embarrassment and nerves "And you?"

"I agree. I just hope we get lucky today or we'll just have to keep trying”

"Reid, I need you to tell the cops what area we'll be in," Hotch interrupted you from the door. "You still have time to regret it," he added, looking at the two of you.

You immediately denied and after that Spencer withdrew from there in the company of Aaron. When you were about to drop you exhaled, completely concerned about the last thing your partner had said.

We will just have to keep trying. You didn't know if the idea excited you, or terrified you.

As night fell, Spencer drove the old pickup truck the unit had managed to rent for the two of you to drive into the park, with you in the passenger seat and a six-pack of beer in the backseat.

Although you were sure that it would be cold, you had decided to wear shorts and a button-down shirt that you normally wore for work, but that you had adjusted to make it look more youthful. Spencer was wearing an outfit that Morgan had gotten for him from a department store, simple jeans with a rather baggy cotton shirt and some nice boots that you didn't know where he got from, since in Quantico you had never seen him wear anything like that.

Both of you had showered at the hotel (separately of course) and you had made sure to brush your teeth and put on a good amount of deodorant and perfume before getting in the car. You had paid special attention to your appearance, not because it was necessary, but because you wanted to look perfect for him. Even with all this, you were a nervous wreck next to him, not saying a word along the way and only soft music from the radio filling the air.

When you stopped, the two of you put your headphones on to the channel the team was supposed to be on, and Morgan answered in the affirmative.

"Remember, he doesn't have to see the communicator or your weapon," Rossi spoke, who was also in the van, along with Prentiss and Hotch. "García will be watching with the security cameras and he will warn us if the trailer is coming"

"And meanwhile what do we do?"

"Pretend to be a couple, sit on the tailgate and drink beer, laugh, I don't know"

“Did you ever run away like that in college?” you asked, directly at Reid.

“Do you remember that I was like 16 when I studied at the university, right? I wasn't even old enough to drive, much less a car" he muttered and you gave a short laugh "I guess you did"

“I was too busy being the best in the institution to even think about going out and making out with idiots,” you replied, proud of yourself for that. “I mean, it's not like you're an idiot, but they were. You're very smart," you rambled, still twiddling your fingers, "Hotch, you guys will tell us when we're going to start kissing, will you?"

“When the suspect approaches, yes”

"Okay, well... then we have to go out, huh?" you muttered to him as you reached for the beers and tried to open the door to get out. You turned, expecting to see Spencer do the same as you, but noticed that he had lingered in the car for a moment, checking himself in the mirror and applying his lips with chapstick.

My God, could that man make you more nervous?

When he finally caught up with you, you went to the back of the pickup, where you opened the tailgate to sit down with a little hop. Spencer was tall enough to keep up with you just by leaning over the edge, where you watched him cross his arms. You were silent for a few moments, listening to the sound of crickets and cars in the distance.

"Do you think it's a good idea to drink?"

"Only a little. I'm having a hard time thinking while sober, I don't want to ruin the little reasoning I have left” you exclaimed as a joke. Or maybe you weren't joking so much "Just empty a couple of cans and leave them on the floor so he'll think we're really drunk." Spencer was about to do what you said when you noticed an important detail and called him over to look at you "Come here, let me fix your hair."

"What's wrong with my hair?"

"You're very well combed, it's not the image we expect" you carefully took his hand until it was close enough to pass the other through all his golden locks, messing them up enough to give him that relaxed touch that he should have. He looked so handsome, but not in the style of a fancy FBI agent but just like a young intellectual who went to parties and smoked weed “Like this. Perfect"

“Do you think we have to think of some backstory?” he asked and you looked at him with a frown. “You know, something about us. What degree are we studying, what are our names…”

"This is not a play"

"It's rude to eavesdrop on conversations, Prentiss," you said visibly annoyed, although looking at your partner that expression softened "As you wish, Spencer. Although being honest, I would say that you study… literature”

"Really?" he exclaimed with slight enthusiasm. You knew that his mother had been a teacher in the subject and you wondered if he had ever considered it.

“Morgan wasn’t wrong to choose those clothes for you. It suits you” you complimented him and Morgan whistled from the other end of the line. You felt like you were having too much fun for the situation you were in, but you needed to talk about something else to put off the reminder of what you had come to do for as long as possible. “I think you would have that hopeless philosopher/romantic vibe who flirts by whispering memorized poetry in your ear.”

“I actually know some good ones”

"Sure you do" you smiled gently, suppressing the thought of him sighing close to your neck at Bécquer "I'd probably study science or something."

"The unattainable scientist with whom the captain of the soccer team has a secret crush, but she is completely unaware"

"Where did you get that? From a 90s movie?

Spencer's laugh was one of your favorite sounds and today that was precisely not helping your situation. You felt intoxicated by how handsome he looked, like you'd discovered a side to him that no one else had, and the thought of kissing him made you tremble a little with anticipation.

“Do you want to share a beer?” he murmured, carefully opening the can and offering it to you first. You knew your partner wasn't the most enthusiastic about doing anything that involved germs, so it made you feel good that he took the lead. You took a big gulp of the drink to gather something of value and when it was his turn to drink he kept looking at you intently, you would even say that he seemed entranced.

You had made sure you were in a strategic position, with enough light for the unsub to see you and quite lonely, except for the patrol cars and the van that had been positioned at a safe distance.

“How does voyeurism develop?” you asked quietly, with genuine interest, as you shifted a bit to get closer to him.

“Voyeurism usually begins in adolescence and since during that age it is usually seen with greater tolerance, there are people who continue with these behaviors until adulthood. When voyeurism is pathological, they spend considerable time looking for opportunities to watch, often at the expense of not fulfilling important responsibilities in their lives, and people reach orgasm by masturbating during or after watching. Although if you think about it a bit, everyone is a bit of a voyeur."

"Why you said so?"

“Many men and women enjoy viewing pornography, which can be classified as voyeuristic behavior. It's not a worrying thing, but it's interesting to think about it” he explained, with those expressions on his face that he had every time he shared knowledge with you. He liked that about you, that you were always willing to listen to his data and statistics even at the most inopportune moments.

"I'm still a little scared that Oliver is trying to do something to us."

“I have my gun. If he tries to do something to you, I'll use it" you knew that killing the unsub was always the last option Reid considered, so you widened your eyes a little to show your surprise "All lives are worth, but when that life has already taken so many and it puts you at risk, I would not doubt it. You have nothing to worry about” he assured you and your heart warmed a little at feeling so protected.

"Do you know if Oliver attacks at a specific time?"

"No, he doesn’t. Just as we can be here for ten minutes, we can also be here all night."

You exhaled loudly, before taking another gulp of beer.

“Drink some, boy. I feel kind of selfish around here."

"I am nervous"

"And why do you think I'm drinking?" you exclaimed wryly, still holding out the can to him, and when he finally agreed he drank a little more than you expected “Have you ever…” you started to say, but suddenly remembered that literally the whole team was listening to you. If the answer was embarrassing, you didn't want to hear Morgan and Emily taunting you all week, so you covered your microphone for a moment and spoke again, but so quietly that only he could hear you. "I suppose you kissed someone, did you?"

"Yes," he said quickly and you sighed with relief. It comforted you a little to know that it wasn't his first kiss, because you didn't want him to have such a bad memory “Do I look so inexperienced?"

"No, that's not what I meant" you smiled "You're handsome, I know you've probably kissed a couple of girls"

"You don't need to tell lies, you know I'll kiss you anyway"

"But it's not a lie. I really think you're handsome" you confessed, gathering all the courage in you, while you smiled at him in the most serene way possible "And if we weren't literally waiting for a murderer, you know I'd be happy to do this with you"

"Smooch me?"

"Having this bad date attempt, Reid," you hissed, flushing red, as you slammed your palm into his forehead with just a little bit of force. Spencer seemed quite pleased that he made you nervous, rather than the other way around, so he grinned, “Though I think we should have brought food. I'm starving,” you pouted, swinging your dangling legs back and forth.

"That's not a picnic, Y/N"

You hated for a second that everyone was so intent on the conversation. A part of you wanted a moment alone with the brunette, even if it was in the midst of such a strange situation.

You began to talk pleasantly about things completely unrelated to the case for a couple of minutes, staying where you were, until Hotch's interruption made you jump a bit in place.

"Garcia intercepted an approaching trailer, get ready” your heart immediately sped up and you noticed him tense beside you, too, probably with the same thought flooding his head.

"Okay, come closer," you exclaimed, trying not to panic, as you spread your legs a little to allow the man to step into the space between. He wasted no time and just as you wrapped your hands around his shoulders you heard the sound of another car pulling up.

"Is that our unsub?"

"It is"

You were about to turn your head to peek when Reid grabbed your cheek and stopped you.

"He's smart. If you look at him, he'll realize it” he reminded you with a serious voice. You were so worried about everything that you were forgetting about your training “Okay, so I… Is it okay if I put my hands here?” he asked with a different tone, nervously placing both hands on your waist. You had always admired the size and anatomy of those hands, but until now you had not had the pleasure of feeling them on your body in this way.

“Tonight everything you do is fine. I promise"

"It would be a good time to start, he'll see you" Emily reminded you and you could only sigh shakily.

You two were adults, why were you so scared about kissing?

"Close your eyes" Spencer whispered to you, masking his nerves better than you "I'll kiss you, just close them," he asked you and you did.

You felt his body lean against you a little until his chest almost touched yours and then his lips shakily pressed against yours. You would always remember your first kiss, which in essence was such a brief caress that you didn't even know if it could be counted as one, the one where he wordlessly asked your permission to explore your mouth. Still with your eyes closed, you pulled him by the neck towards you and started a new kiss, a little more confident and deep this time, allowing you to savor the beer mixed with strawberries and that strange flavor that each person has.

“We…” you started to say, once you separated “you have to do it slowly, what he wants is a show” you exclaimed. Spencer felt unable to say any words and your hands caressing him so deliciously wasn't helping at all “Slow,” you repeated.

You arched your back a little to get even closer and when you finally looked up you met his caramel eyes. You needed a moment to recover and you unconsciously licked your lips, as if you needed to pick up and savor his presence in your mouth again, something that didn’t go unnoticed by his attentive look at your movements.

It didn't take long for you to give up, as beginning the third kiss you felt that you no longer had any control over your body, your heart, or your mind. And while it was true that neither of you were experts on the subject, you guys managed pretty well as the seconds ticked by. Spencer gasped as he simultaneously felt you pull the hair from his neck and caress his lips with the tip of your tongue, while you were taken by surprise when his hands left your waist and lowered to the height of your hip, where his thumbs gripped firmly on the clip of your shorts.

There was a kiss, then another and another; they became too many to count. You didn't want to touch him anywhere and at the same time you wanted to touch him completely, in the grip of the fantasy that this was real and not just a performance. And even if you were aware that it was all fake, that would probably only have encouraged you to enjoy something to the fullest that you knew would never come back. Amid everything you didn’t know which of the two situations would be worse.

The sound of your lips colliding became so obscene that you were embarrassed, but you had no plan to stop. Your hands slid gently down the length of his neck until you reached his chest and cupped the soft cotton of his garment in your fists to make sure he didn't move away from you. The heat of the moment just went up and up, but a voice on the intercom brought you back with a jolt.

“He started the trailer. He's going to go"

Spencer closed his eyes in frustration, and you sighed. From the position he was in it wasn’t possible to get around him without being seen, so keeping all his attention was on you and him.

Maybe you weren't doing it right? You wondered what the hell this man wanted to see if you were practically eating each other, but suddenly you remembered that his motivation was even more sexual than a couple of wet kisses. Maybe he was getting bored because he needed to see that you were about to… well, do it.

"Take off my shirt," you said immediately, still too close to his swollen lips and looking right into eyes that seemed to be pitch black.

"Take... what?"

"Take off my shirt" you repeated, with a tone that made the man shudder completely. With the hands that were still holding his shirt you pulled him to you and he held his breath “And kiss me better. Like you really want me"

But Spencer didn't need to pretend that he wanted you.

He made you completely dizzy when he began to kiss you so hungrily and you managed to keep enough composure when you felt one of his warm hands travel under your blouse, limiting yourself to letting out sighs that were drowned against his lips. But what finally caused you to let out an indiscreet and unwelcome moan was when he pulled you by the hip until you were on the edge of the tailgate and you could feel the growing bulge in his pants pressing against you. Spencer had almost managed to suppress his, but in the end, you having your own situation down there didn't help one bit.

His trembling fingers fussed with the buttons on your shirt until it ended up somewhere on the floor at incredible speed, leaving you half-naked before him and the collection of FBI agents standing around. You might have been embarrassed if your brain could connect two coherent thoughts, but you'd lost that from the moment Dr. Reid first dared to kiss you.

You carefully guided his hands to the beginning of the curve of your breasts and now you both sighed in unison, feeling goosebumps on every inch of your skin. You pushed yourself forward just for the satisfaction of hearing that guttural sound again and your prayers were immediately answered, for it was enough for him to feel the slightest friction and he would go crazy. It was inappropriate to need him like that, but you couldn't help it.

Holding your lower back, he leaned over you and at the same time pulled you towards him until your breasts collided with his chest. In that position, your neck was exposed and your partner’s hot lips didn't hesitate to go down there, while you sighed agitated just at the height of his ear. Spencer asked you, between each kiss, to look in the direction of the trailer to see if he was still there and as you could you answered yes, which was victory enough for both of you.

As he could, he maneuvered to lay you down carefully on the cold metal of the truck without stopping kissing your neck, and by inertia you wrapped both legs over his hip. When you were hidden by the panels of the pickup he finally looked at you.

"I hope it's enough to get his attention," he said, sounding as agitated as expected, and although the circumstances meant that you two would be taking a break you flatly refused, pulling him back to kiss him.

That kiss did take Spencer by surprise and it was perhaps the sincerest of the night. It wasn’t as passionate as the previous ones, but rather it was loaded with softness and you would even say that a hint of supplication. You were begging for him not to stop, for the night to get stuck in an infinite loop where the two of you could kiss for eternity. And suddenly you felt how he, who had been so tense the whole time, completely relaxed against you, as if he understood exactly what you wanted to say. His hands came to rest on the sides of your head to be able to kiss you more comfortably and you dared to take him by the waist with the same care that you were kissing him, feeling even above the cloth the softness of his skin.

And then he broke up with you. You feared you had done something wrong due to the suddenness of the movement and your frightened eyes searched his gaze for a sign of the reason, without finding anything. He just looked at you with something you couldn't describe, but that made you feel butterflies fluttering all over your stomach... and he stayed like that for a few seconds: just looking at you, as if he wanted to memorize all your features.

You opened your mouth to say something, but your words were drowned in a new kiss, totally different from the previous ones. Spencer was taking time with him, trapping your lower lip between his and sucking on it gently, pressing himself a little more against your body, sighing heavily into your mouth.

Your hand was already running up his side to make its way to his cheek just as screams filled the silence and you hugged him reflexively. The screams had come from Morgan, who had already moved across the park to take down the unsub and was now wrestling with him to get the knife out of his hand. Spencer hesitated for a moment if he should come over to help, but he preferred to hold you better against his body to protect you and wait for Emily to place the handcuffs on the man under her partner's knee.

From a distance you saw that he only brought with him, in addition to the knife, his camera, and a small backpack with some other murderous instruments that they managed to confiscate without any problem.

"All clear, we've got him," Hotch spoke over the radio. As you exhaled in relief too many emotions washed over you, combined with the adrenaline coursing through your body and the arousal still flowing into your crotch.

"Are you okay?" Reid's gentle voice called to you, as he pulled away to check with his eyes that everything was in order. His hair was messy and his lips were so swollen that it was almost painful to look at the image without launching yourself to kiss him again "My God, your shirt..." he said, completely embarrassed, as he bent down to pick up the garment. You looked him up and down and blushed when you noticed how tight his pants were, feeling your stomach turn a little. When he got up, he took the opportunity to look at your chest covered only by the black lace bra and a big gulp of saliva went down his throat.

You thanked him quietly and put your shirt back on, feeling the sneaky glances Spencer was giving you, just before Hotch walked up to you.

"How are you?"

"Very good, excellent" you stammered.

You could perfectly feel your swollen lips, the light sheen of sweat on your face, the heat flowing from all the places Reid's fingers had been, and the abundant moisture between your crossed legs.

After Hotch congratulated you on your performance, the two of you walked as best you could toward the rest of the agents, who were already placing Oliver on patrol. Another group was analyzing the trailer and they managed to pull out enough evidence about the murders that would be very useful in prosecuting the man.

"All good?" Emily asked in your direction, once things had settled down and the rest of the team had gathered in a circle by the van. You and Spencer just nodded at the question.

“I honestly think I'm going to need therapy after what I heard,” Dave murmured, so serious that you couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"Don't you even dare make fun of this"

“No, we won't. I'm just saying you guys seemed to be enjoying it there."

"That's supposed to be the plan, right?" Spencer said nervously, finally daring to look at you and looking away almost immediately as he smoothed his hair back.

Once your boss said you could retire you escaped in a patrol car as fast as you could, wanting to get home so you could take a cold shower and soothe what wasn’t satisfied by the man. You could hardly sleep that night, still haunted by the ghost of the kisses you received from your gorgeous coworker, and the next morning you hoped that double coffee would do the trick. But apparently you weren't the only one who thought so, because at the same time that you arrived Spencer Reid crossed your path.

"Hey," he said, in that high-pitched voice that came out when someone caught him off guard, "How are you?"

"Fine, and you?"

"Fine too"

You knew that the two of you wanted to talk about what happened, but it only took one of you to have the courage to speak first. At the same time your phones rang indicating a message and you mistakenly assumed that it was JJ contacting you to announce a case. What was your surprise when you opened the file and found a collection of photos from the night before. You knew from Spencer's face that he had received the same thing.

"Garcia did you… did she send you the same evidence?"

"That's right," he said nervously. You had to admit that if Oliver had one quality it was that of a photographer: you were sensual and perfectly captured the desire that had existed between you. Well, the one you had pretended to feel… right?

Spencer held his breath as he came to a picture of you topless in which his hand was practically on your breast, immediately remembering how that had felt. He just hoped his memories didn't affect him too much or it would be embarrassing enough to walk into the boardroom with a boner.

"They're good," you said to the air and he suppressed a laugh "But I can delete them if that makes you feel uncomfortable"

“No, no, I… I think I want to keep them too. After all, the bureau will have them in the files as evidence of the case, I prefer to have access too”

"I just hope she doesn't send them to anyone else, I wouldn't want to see my bra photos going around."

“I'll tell Garcia, don't worry,” Spencer murmured, rushing to type something on his phone.

While you waited for him to type you took another look, feeling your whole body heating up again at the memories. A part of you was grateful to have such material in your custody.

"I never thought of being the protagonist of an erotic photo session and here we are," you said ironically.

“Speaking of which…” Spencer started to say, “Not the erotic sessions by any means, don't think I'm planning on inviting you to one or that, because it would be super weird and inappropriate, but I was thinking if… huh…”

“Sell them online? I thought so too, but it depends on how much profit there is. Garcia can help us find the highest bidder and not get charged for tampering with evidence."

"What? No!" he said, completely shocked, and you laughed because you got the reaction you expected with your joke "Why would we do that?"

“Just kidding, Reid. Those photos are something I prefer to keep to myself" you clarified and your smile made him feel shy "Seriously, sorry for interrupting you. What did you want to tell me?"

"What…? huh, yes, right. It's just that this morning I was thinking about what you said yesterday, about how under normal circumstances you would have liked to have a bad date with me, right? and it just kept spinning in my head, so I was asking if you wanted to go for a drink sometime. Not like a date, of course, I'm not saying it is if you don't want to. I can just be like… well, go get a drink. As friends"

Yesterday Spencer had practically eaten your mouth and now he was nervous about asking you out. So adorable.

“You're not doing this just as compensation, are you? because you know that it is not necessary…”

“I do it because I want to. And I want to believe that… that I didn't misunderstand what happened yesterday."

You no longer even cared that it was unethical to date team members, or that if things went wrong, you would probably go into the worst of depressions. What mattered to you was that Spencer was interested in you, even if he had implied it, and that he was asking you out alone with him. Just the two of you, with fun and alcohol involved, without gossipy colleagues or mortal danger.

"Then I'd love to, Reid."

“Wow, excellent then” he smiled, feeling lucky that you agreed “I know a great bar near here, the atmosphere is generally calm, I like it because they don't play loud music. What day is right for you?"

“I'm available any day you want” you responded genuinely, grinning from ear to ear just being around him. That was the effect Reid had on you.

It was stupid to try to deny that you were still attracted to him, especially since now you had a taste of what he could do with you. You wanted to kiss him again, of course, but you were also anxious to earn that completely adoring look you'd received the night before.

“Today?”

"Yeah, why wait?" you responded, more excited than you wanted.

“Hey, I didn't ask you, but I wanted to know if I didn't go overboard with you last night. I mean… did something bother you?”

It was a smart move, you could see it clearly. It was obvious that Spencer cared about you, but you also picked up on his intentions to find out if you were interested in him too. Well, that's how it was from your perspective, because that probably would have been your motivation being in his place.

Even if it wasn't the case, you weren't going to miss the opportunity to take a little advantage of the situation.

"The kisses on the neck were something he definitely didn't expect, but they weren't unpleasant at all," you assured him, feeling your cheeks heat up again. "Did it feel good to you?"

"It did"

"So everything's perfect," you murmured, shrugging off the matter. But you both knew you couldn't see each other in the office and acted as if nothing had happened.

Something had happened. Those kisses had only fueled the tension that had always existed between you but that you wanted to ignore.

"Do you want to go after work, then?"

“Sounds good to me”

Spencer gave you one last smile and then went to prepare his usual cup of sugar with a dash of coffee. All day you were thinking about him and more than once he caught you looking at him, but you didn't even care.

So, at nightfall, with a few drinks on you and more courage in your body, you finally confessed that kissing was something you had wanted to do for a long time. You almost didn't believe it at first, coming from him, but when you finally accepted it, it wasn't hard at all to rush at him and kiss him feverishly. And this time there did not impede for you to give free rein to your desires, which led you to the soft mattress in your friend's house and kept you awake until a few hours before dawn.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #dr spencer reid #matthew gray gubler #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #jason gideon #JJ #penelope garcía #david rossi #emily prentiss #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid smut

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speedycoffeedelight · 20 days

Text

An Animalistic Disaster

Summery : Where they go through the interview and you get a bit drunk

Masterlist

CH-16: Job hunting (part two)

After parking, you three headed towards the cafe you all talked about. The owner of the cafe was a pair of old couple and their son. Their son was a barista who wanted to make his dreams of a successful cafe come true.

Unfortunately, he wasn't great with communication and they couldn't afford to hire a waiter with a nice amount of money. So it was their last attempt at saving the cafe. How do you know all that? Well being in the news industry has its perks when it comes to information collecting.

The horns on Charlie's head and the antenna's on Vaggie's is kind of a big problem. You prayed that they would look past them. It was a small cafe in middle of the bustling road. It looked like it badly needed some renovations. Still it looked cozy enough. You four finally entered. A small ring sounded out from the bell above the entrance door, alerting the boy that was cleaning the tables of the empty cafe.

"Ah,new customers! Welcome!" A freckled, orange haired boy wearing an apron quickly rushed towards you all. His blue eyes were glittering with excitement."Please come this wa-" You cut him off quickly. "Oh no, you misunderstand. We're here for the post of the waiter."

The boy stopped in his tracks and scanned the lot of you. "Are you all here for the interview? " "Oh no only these two" you said pointing at Charlie and Vaggie.

"Gotcha, please take a seat. I'll inform inside."

You nodded and sat down nearby on a table. "Alright, we need to go through something first. Charlie, Vaggie."

"Yes!"

"Yes (Y/n)?"

"Try to act casual, okay. Try to give your best shot during the interview. If they ask you where you came from, just say overseas. It should help skip a lot of questions."

"Will do! But which country should we say if they ask?" Charlie said nervously scratching her neck. "We don't really know much about earth."

"Hm, Charlie could be from America and Vaggie from Spain I guess. I think that checks out."

"Alright then we'll say that!"

"Also about your age...."

"I'll turn about 271 this year I think -" Charlie replied.

"Great, you'll say you're 27. As for Vaggie"

You turned to the black haired girl "You can say 26 or something close to Charlie, got it?"

"Got it ."

While talking with the two and preparing them about various questions. The freckled boy came back. "I hope you're ready for the interview. Come this way please."

"Best of luck you guys!" You pulled Vaggie close before she could follow the other two. "Make sure Charlie doesn't say anything stupid. I'm trusting in you." Vaggie nodded and they followed him to another corner of the cafe where an elderly looking couple was sitting.

"Please take a seat girls."

They nodded and took the seat in front them. "I apologize we couldn't do this in more formal way...things have been a little hard." The old man said. "No, no it's fine, it's fine! We don't mind." Charlie replied laughing nervously.

"Did you two both come for this job? You know there's only one post right?"

"Yes, we know that. Well we wouldn't mind if any of us gets picked really."

"I see, are you two close friends?"

"Girlfriends, actually.." Vaggie replied.

"Oh my, that's great sweetie" the old woman said with a smile. During the whole interview, the orange haired boy stood close, listening to the whole process. (Y/n) was right, they didn't push them too much. The interview was going smoothly.

"Do have any other experiences in working somewhere?"

"Why yes, I run a hote-"

"What she means to say is, we used to work at a hotel, mam." Vaggie quickly chipped in.

Mostly smoothly, with Vaggie coming in clutchs to save Charlie's ass a couple of times.

"We probably wouldn't be able to provide you with much money yet...as you could probably see the cafe's not in its best shape right now. I hope this won't be a problem." The old man sighed.

" Oh no please, don't worry. We'll take what we can get."

"Thank you girls. Our son Adrian is intent on running this cafe. I told him he could do so much better but he insisted on staying with us."

The couple whispered at each other for a moment and then turned to Charlie and Vaggie. "Could you please go back for a bit dear? We'll come with answers soon."

Their son Adrian quickly came forward to guide them back to you.

"So you both are.... girlfriends...? Part of the LGBTQ?"

"Yes, we are. Why?" Vaggie replied.

"Nothing, it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

He turned his head away before both of them could say something and returned to you. Both you and Pentious were sitting anxiously. You let out a sigh of relief as they came back.

"So how did the interview go??" You asked pulling Vaggie close.

"I think it was fine. The owners were nice people."

"And did you pass?"

"They should announce it any time now"

After a few minutes, the couple came back alongside Adrian. You all looked at them nervously for the answer.

"Charlie's hired! I think we could use a nice cherry girl like you around here." The old man laughed. "Thank you! I'll do my best to help!" Charlie jumped off the seat in excitement.

"Just call me Mr.ronald." He shook Charlie's hand. "Could I expect you to work form tomorrow if possible? We need all the help we can get..."

"Yes of course. I'll be right here." Charlie said smiling. "Thank you Mr and Mrs.ronald."

After saying goodbyes and going outside, you let out a cheer. "You did it Charlie! I'm so proud of you." You hugged her in joy and she returned it just as happily.

For the next stop, you went around the market for cheap and broken things. You also bought some tools and equipment that Pentious said he needed. They weren't cheap, but you hoped it would be worth the money.

On your way home, you bought a bottle of wine to celebrate the victory. The others were happy to hear the news as well. Both you and Pentious jumped to work first as soon as you came. In the night, you popped open the wine bottle and poured it for the ones that transformed. You set aside some wine for Pentious since he still insisted on working outside.

Husk got caught trying to drink from Pentious's cup and you quickly moved him away. "Husk that's bad for you!" Husk just grumbled unhappily. He hadn't had booze in such a long time that it was making him go crazy.

You kept Husk on your lap and kept petting him while talking with others. Alcohol was clouding your sense a little bit so you forgot about the fact that you were fondly petting a grown man, or well a demon. Husk tired to leave couple of times but you kept a firm grip on him. And as much as he would hate to admit it, he kind of liked it. He began making purring noises unknowningly as he gave up on getting away.

Alastor and Angel were snickering looking at him from across the room. 'You finally got used to being a pet huh?' Alastor said teasingly making Husk hiss at him. You noticed this and picked up Husk and smothered him against your chest.

"Bad deer! Don't annoy my precious kitty!" You scolded Alastor and looked at Husk who was blushing madly and trying to get away again by pawing at you. "Are you alright kitty?" You held him in front of your face and he mewed in annoyance.

Charlie chuckled looking at you two. "I think you had quite enough drink (Y/n). You should rest." You wanted to say no but your head was pounding quite a bit. "Okaaay, but I want to pat the bad deer first! He still didn't let me touch him!"

Alastor's ears perked up at this statement as he quickly moved towards the door to make a run for it. But you were faster in your wobbly legs. You quickly attached yourself to his neck and nuzzled closer. Alastor briefly considered pushing you away with a violent shake. Briefly since Vaggie sensed it as well and decided to speak fast.

"Don't you try to shake her off Alastor. You'll hurt her." Vaggie replied from the chair she's was currently sitting on. She tried to gently peel you away from Alastor but you wouldn't budge making him groan. This time it was Husk's turn to laugh.

"Just indulge her a bit will you? She'll be normal once she wakes up." Charlie requested Alastor. 'Do I look like- gah, fine...'

He sighed giving in after seeing the girls glare at him. You smiled in happiness when you sensed no resistance from him anymore and dragged one of your hands to his ears. All the other demons in the room watched this eagerly.

'Shit, I really wish I had a camera right now...' Angel whispered.

'Same..' Said Cherri and Husk in unison. They both knew they won't get to see this type of thing so soon again. Cherri thought about how much money she could sell the picture for if she got it and Husk thought about how he'd have something to blackmail against him.

The fur on his ears was soft, terribly so. You carefully moved your hands from the base to the tip of his ears. You were drunk, but you were still gentle. Alastor could feel all the eyes burning at him. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so embarrassed. Unknown to him, his tail was swaying behind him making others have the time of their life seeing it.

"Soo... fluffy...." You whispered softly. Alastor's ears perked up again as he caught that. 'Okay I think that's enough. Charlie please move her before I shove her off.'

Charlie, who was having a hard time holding in laughter, immediately jumped into action. Prying you away from Alastor was no easy task. You still had a lot of strength in yourself. While you were getting dragged to your room, you got a hold of Husk who let out a meow of help. But this time, no one came to help.

Charlie tucked you inside your bed with you still holding onto Husk who just accepted his fate at this point.

"Now just rest up okay?"

"Mmhmm, I will!!"

You replied with a childlike glee making Charlie's heart swoon. She couldn't resist planting a small kiss on your forehead before exiting the room. Husk raised a eye brow at that but decided not to question it. After all, Charlie is normally known to be pretty affectionate.

Resting Husk on your chest, you began to softly pat his fur, making him purr again. He hated how much power you had over him. He was grateful no one was there to witness it this time. Charlie probably told others to keep out of your room for now.

Then suddenly you started crying. Husk was stunned. He mewoed at you to ask what's wrong.

" *Sniff* I miss you... cotton..tails..." You whispered softly. 'Who the fuck is cottontails? That can't be a person.' Husk looked at your crying face once again. He sighed and then nuzzled his head to your cheek trying to comfort you.

"Thank you kitty...." You held Husk close and rubbed your face together. 'Ugh..gross...' Husk mumbled. Then you settled him on your chest again and finally passed out.

'Finally you sleep..god I can't handle these shit being sober. I was so damn close to that wine.." Then he looked at you and found you crying softly again. 'Oh for the love of-' Although he was mentally cursing up a storm in his head, it still sucked seeing you like this. He leaned his head over and softly licked your cheeks while purring.

'What the fuck am I even doing? This shit ain't normal...' But seeing you finally stop crying and then pop up a small smile, if his eyes weren't mistaken, it felt like it was worth it.

'Sleep well kid. I'll be here when you wake up.'

He looked at you with an amount of softness he hasn't looked at anyone in a long time. He rested his head down and closed his eyes.

'Maybe feeling like this ain't bad sometimes..'

Soft yellow light engulfed the room. This time it wasn't as intensely as the ones before. It still bothered you so you turned around while holding the cat. Well the cat who just got turned into a human without either of you knowing. The light was so soft this time, others didn't notice it either till next morning.

Several half-humans and animals surrounded your bed, mouth agape in shock and astonishment. Vaggie and Charlie were the first to find you like this. Charlie then called everyone to ask what to do. There you were, cuddling a grown ass man who they recognised as Husk, sleeping away peacefully like there's no tomorrow. And the other thing they all noticed was that Husk was shirtless. Charlie refused to believe he was naked with you since you were both still under a blanket and they couldn't see downwards.

'I'm going to wake them up. I can't stand this cheesy show in front of me.' Cherri said suddenly.

"No no you definitely should let her sleep a bit. Maybe we could get Husk to get up.." Charlie said.

'Do ya think they fucked before sleeping like this? Cause it feels like it.'

"Angel you're not helping!"

'I'm just sayin what I think.'

"Angel!"

'Cannonball!'

While they were busy chatting, Cherri took the liberty of jumping on your face,promptly waking you up. She used her tail to swat Husks face as well.

Needless to say, you never expected to wake up cuddling a half naked guy in the morning. So nobody could really blame you for the scream you let out.

A.N: (Please read) There's one thing I wanted to make clear early on is that this book may contain some spicy stuff in future. Not full smut though. I don't believe I have the capability to write those stuffs. Mostly it'll be chill and normal with some shenanigans.

Also let me apologize for writing the two things shit with Pentious 😭. I thought it would be funny to add since it's already canon. But then later I wanted nothing more than to go hide in a hole and decompose from embarrassment reading some of the comments.

That being said, although it would be bit of a spoiler but lemme just say Husk is not naked. I don't want a return of those comments :') they all wear the outfit of season 1 when they transform.

Also Charlie's age thing is reference to an annoyomus ask on Tumblr. I quite enjoyed the scenarios so I decided to throw a bit here.

Tag list: @legostars @glowinthedarkbones1150 @darifes @aria-tempest @rainbowcake1212 @luxylucylou

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gimyeongbestboy · 7 months

Text

Now Playing: Interview with Jujutsu Kaisen Cast

A/n: this is written in a script-like format. Basically kind of like watching an interview video in youtube or smn. This one is basically branching off from this fic.

Characters include: Sukuna, Toji, Geto and Gojo

[Today's Guests: Jujutsu Kaisen's "Big Boys"]

Gojo: Hi, I’m your good looking sensei, Gojo Satoru. (Gojo playfully winked at the camera)

Geto: I’m your resident curse manipulator, Geto Suguru. (Geto introduced himself with a soft and gentle smile)

Sukuna: I’m the King of Curses, Sukuna Ryomen.

Toji: And I’m the sorcerer killer, Toji Fushiguro.

[Today, these four men will be answering five BTS FAQ’s fans have regarding the hit show, “Jujutsu Kaisen”]

[First question: Is Sukuna Ryomen related to Yuji Itadori?]

Gojo: Oh! A lot of people really want to know the answer to that. (Glances at Sukuna)

Sukuna: He and I have got quite the spitting image of each other, huh? Am I related to Yuji or not? In what sense? In real life or in the show? You know, not long ago, he and I actually went on a trip together. We went to Maldives, and we came across Todo.

Gojo: How was it?

Sukuna: Honestly, it was so fun. We went scuba diving, snorkeling, watched some dolphins and whatnot. Oh you know, Yuji is actually a really good swimmer believe it or not. (Laughs) The seafood was really fresh too, and then at some point Yuji started craving wagyu.

Geto: We should go there together.

Toji: A guy’s trip? (Looks around at Sukuna, Geto and Gojo as they all nod to each other).

Sukuna: Anyways, we’re twins, or it’s what people like to say. I can’t give you a proper answer if you don’t specify. (Smirks at the camera as he shrugs).

Gojo: All that information about their trip, and he still wouldn’t say. (Amused)

Toji: A true menace. (Nods)

Producer: Your castmates, surely know, right?

Geto: (Teases) Do we though? Do we?

[Second Question: Was Toji’s reaction to Gojo losing it real?]

Toji: I’m guessing they’re talking about the fight. We were flying, huh? (Looks at Gojo).

Gojo: It was so fun filming that! We had harnesses attached to us pretty much the entire time—flinging us everywhere. I bet none of you guys ever felt like what it’s like to fly, huh? (Playfully smiles at the camera)

Sukuna: Other actors that filmed something similar?

Geto: People on amusement rides?

Gojo: You know what I mean!

Toji: Anyways, when we were all doing the script reading, we kind of get into our characters and deliver our lines with voice acting to prepare for the scene we’d film. During that time, Gojo delivered his lines really well, but when we were filming? Gojo… really seemed like he was losing it. (Laughs)

Gojo: What can I say? I slay✨

Sukuna: He was quite drunk when filming that scene was he not? (Smirks knowingly)

Gojo: (Whispers to Sukuna aggressively) Bro, shut up.

Toji: He was drunk? (Surprised)

Geto: After you guys filmed all the action scenes, we gave him a shot of alcohol before you guys filmed the scene where he was “lucid”. He’s very lightweight (smiles as he points to Gojo).

Sukuna: It was a shot for a shot (lightly giggles)

[Third Question: What did Gojo say to Suguru?]

Gojo: This is like that one question asking if Sukuna is related to Itadori. (Laughs).

Geto: Even on the script itself, his line was literally just a line.

Gojo: I had to think of something to say during filming, because they needed that scene of me saying something to Suguru. I didn’t know what to say because in the script it was just a line— a dash. So, during filming I just simply said, “I want kikufuku.” (Laughs with amusement)

Geto: I almost pulled some kind of face, but I had to hold it in (Laughs).

[Fourth Question: Are the twins Geto’s actual daughter?]

Geto: The twins are not my actual daughter, but the little girl that played Rika is.

Sukuna: Isn’t Megumi also Toji’s actual son? The set is filled with real life parents and children. (Laughs with amusement).

Toji: How did she get casted?

Geto: Basically, the director wanted to film the fight scene between me and Yuta first, and the little girls that were casted before her got scared of me during the fight scene. They had to re-cast like 3 times. They all ended up crying, and then eventually my daughter said, “Oh! Let me try!” The director liked how it turned out, so they just did all the scenes with her.

Sukuna: Wow, you out there making children cry, huh? (Says teasingly)

[Last Question: What’s the best part about filming?]

Sukuna: For me, it was definitely working with Yuji. That kid, I’m not even going to lie, is fun to be around. Although sometimes, he has too much energy. He’s very goofy and definitely brings a fun and light mood to the set.

Toji: I tend to have a very busy schedule, and so does my son— especially with both him and I being in the same industry. Though it was only for a short while, I’m glad filming Jujutsu Kaisen together gave us more time to hang out.

Gojo: For me, it would be the amount of team work that we’re all putting in to make this show a success. Everyone is honestly so easy to work with. I know Sukuna seems very menacing in the show, and maybe in real life too because of his tattoos, but he’s actually nice. (Laughs) Honestly, I’ve made quite a few new friends working on this project.

Geto: Honestly, it’s nice to be able to work on a project with Satoru again. Last time we ever worked together on the same project was when we both walked the runway for one of my wife’s collections— maybe 7 years ago? Yeah, and my wife being involved with the outfit production and my daughter being on set, it kind of made the set more comfortable to be in.

#jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen toji #sukuna #toji fushiguro #ryomen sukuna #jjk x y/n #jujustsu kaisen au #jujutsu kaisen suguru #geto suguru x reader #geto x you #geto x reader #jjk gojo

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avatarmerida · 10 months

Text

So on twitter the other day, @rebeccaartsy mentioned she was thinking about how different things would be if Hunter was there from the beginning and it really got my mind moving.

So like my totally self indulgent headcanon or whatever,is that Hunter in season one is spending his time hunting wild witches and no one really takes him seriously so the whole time he’s trying to prove himself by trying to capture the most famous wild witch, Eda. But I like to think he doesn’t have a very strong artificial staff at this point and isn’t seen as much of a threat. He’s also either not the Golden Guard yet or just wears normal scout stuff to draw less attention. So he is always setting traps and stuff and Luz meets him and his vibe is like an annoying neighbor kid. He just gets roped into the occasional adventure because he’s there and just when he's starting to question life in the coven he gets promoted to coven head and he works even harder to be taken seriously.

Because I love how Hunter and Willow meet so much where they see the true version of each other right away in a way no one else has, I imagine their first meeting is still outside Luz and everything. Like, Hunter is messing with something plant related (maybe making a trap or liking for a rare plant to help Belos, idk) and gets tangled in some aggressive vines and Willow finds him and helps him. But the vines are from like a really complicated plant that requires extreme patience and talent and he’s like even Terra would have trouble with it and while his spitting facts Willow just untangles him effortlessly. She’s just like “boop! You’re good :)” and at first he’s worried she’s gonna tell someone or blackmail him but she’s just “no prob yo.” But she’s also very impressed that he found the plant that he did, cause they're super elusive and he’s like uhhh thanks.

So he offers to walk her to where she’s going and they start talking and he’s info dumping things on plant magic and they’re vibing and he realizes no one has ever let him talk so much before. And she likes talking to him. Then he realizes exactly where they are and before he can make an excuse to leave, Luz comes out to greet Willow and when she sees Hunter she groans. And they dive into their sibling banter slinging shots back and forth and Willow just stands there thinking like “huh, this is the guy who’s always annoying her? He’s not that bad.”

And so it’s just like a little bit where he’s always like “ugh you guys are the worst! But not you Willow, you’re great obvi.” Like he has no idea anyone would ever think she’s weak because he still met her in her element and she just thinks he’s a dork. But the crushing doesn't really start until Understanding Willow because I love that episode and I say so:

“Gus, listen,” said Hunter, as he walked through the open door of the Owl House. “Obviously, there is much I can’t divulge but upon consideration I am willing to grant you an interview for your class. The Emperor’s Coven values education, and so I could definitely offer you information on our selection process which I’m sure your teachers will find impressive and- why is Willow upside down?”

“Oh, Amity set Willow’s mind on fire and now she’s losing all her memories,” said Luz with a nervous chuckle. “But uh, what’s up with you?”

“What?” He said running over to her side and helping her sit correctly on the couch. “Is she okay?”

“Don’t worry blondie, we’re gonna get these knuckleheads in there to set things right,” said Eda. “Or at least less wrong.”

“You’re gonna entrust Willow’s mind in the hands of… them?” Said Hunter in disdain as he glared at Luz and Amity who honestly couldn’t argue with him. “They were the ones who put her in this situation in the first place! Not to mention, this location isn’t zoned for a spell of that caliber and as a member of the Emperor’s Coven I could-.”

“Listen, do you want it done soon or do you want it done legally?” Asked Eda. “Cause by the time we get the permits to do it your way Goldie, there won’t be any of Willow’s memories left to save.”

“Very well then,” said Hunter, pretending as though it was a hard decision. “I’ll allow it. Just… be careful with her.”

“Alright then,” said Eda. “Lemme whip up something to put her to sleep. She’s not gonna wanna be awake for this.”

“Oh look, the prince is here,” giggled Willow, leaning on Hunter’s shoulder for support as she noticed his presence for the first time. “Helloooo, your highness.”

“Uh, hi,” he said, not expecting her to be this close to him. “A-re you oka-.”

“Shhh,” she said, putting her finger to his lips, whispering as though it was the most serious thing on earth. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“What?” he said despite his lips being smushed, hanging on to her words with concern.

She took a deep breath. “You have beautiful eyes.” She whispered with intensity.

His face turned bright crimson as he tried to laugh, assuming it must be a joke of some sort. But Willow’s voice didn’t carry the disdain most jokes at Hunter’s expense carried. She wasn’t in her right mind, but maybe that didn’t mean she wasn’t serious.

“Oh uh… thank you?” He said, clearing his throat. “So uh so do you?”

“Hmmm,” she giggled then hiccuped, squinting at him and then leaning in closer as though she couldn’t quite see something. “Do they make you wear that mask because you're so handsome all the time?”

“What?”

“Woo, you could cut something with that jaw ouch,” she said, her voice low and playful before erupting into another sea of giggles.

“I uh, I don’t think that’s-.”

“Nap time!” Said Eda, and Willow instantly fell asleep, leaning forward onto Hunter’s shoulder. He was unprepared to say the least, but tentatively put an arm around her to keep her steady, his eyes wide as his movements were careful.

“Alright coven boy, you keep Princess Planter comfy while I tell these two how to keep things from getting worse,” instructed Eda, pointing to Luz and Amity.

“Yeah sure okay,” replied Hunter, barely listening. Eda was telling Luz and Amity something but all Hunter could hear was the gentle sound of Willow snoring, her breathing slow and deep and peaceful. He has never been so close to her, he could see every delicate freckle that decorated her face. Her glasses were askew so he carefully removed them, because it just seemed like the thing to do. Her mind was on fire, the least he could do was make her more comfortable.

—

He watched as her eyes shifted behind her eyelids as she… dreamed? Would she think this was all a dream? She would mumble things occasionally, hopefully that meant something good? She just looked so-

“Hey Hunter, you want in on this?” Asked Gus.

“Huh?” He looked up quickly as though he was being accused of something. He hadn’t been listening. Hadn’t he been tasked with monitoring her? Is that what Eda said or had he just done it naturally? “Sorry, what?”

“King and Eda are competing to be the subject of my interview,” repeated Gus. “You want in?”

Hunter had forgotten all about being the subject of Gus’ report as he became engrossed in watching Willow sleep. Was that creepy? He didn’t mean it to be. He just felt… protective. He felt responsible. He could never fall asleep like this with anyone unless he trusted them completely. He had never fallen asleep around anyone. And he knew Willow did not have a choice in the matter but he wanted to be worthy of her trust anyway.

“Uh, no thanks maybe next time,” he said, uncharacteristically soft. “Someone should keep an eye on Willow.”

“Eh, she’s not going anywhere goldie,” said Eda as a twinkle entered her eye. “Buuuut when she does wake up, she’s probably gonna be hungry. Having the essence of your inner being threatened really takes alot out of you.”

“Oh yeah, sure,” said Hunter, looking at her in wonder. She seemed to be doing fine, but no doubt there would be brutal side effects. “Should I-.”

“Snacks! Snacks! Snacks!” chanted King.

“Oh yeah, uh I guess I could… do that,” he said softly. He wasn’t sure why he was being quiet, no one else was. But his usual tone didn’t seem fitting now. Normally, he would not take orders (or even suggestions) from civilians but if it was for Willow then it didn’t feel like succumbing to rank. It felt like helping. It felt purposeful. He carefully removed himself from Willow’s presence, mourning the loss of warmth for only a moment, and placed her comfortably on the couch. As he made his way to the kitchen, his eyes were glued to her until it was impossible to continue. Eda,King, and Gus were too occupied in their debate to notice.

---

Willow was going to be fine, she had to be. Everyone would be acting more worried if she wasn’t, right? She had always been strong and capable, he knew her mind couldn’t be much different. He turned his focus from concern into purpose. He wouldn’t admit it to the others, but he was thankful for the distraction. He felt foolish just sitting there not being able to do anything for her. He had never actually made something before, but how hard could it be? He had studied under the head of the Potions coven, how different was baking from that?

As he looked through Eda’s cupboards, Willow’s words echoed in his ears. Well, not all of them. There was one in particular, occupied by the way the ends of her mouth turned up as she said it that made his stomach flip.

Handsome.

No one had ever called him that before, not even ironically. Did she really think that? Why did he care so much if she did? Why, suddenly, did he want so much for her to?

Was it really suddenly though?

Ugh! Why hadn’t he said something cooler? He wasn’t sure she’d even remember saying it, but if she did he didn’t want his surprised reaction to prevent her from possibly repeating herself! He had never had issue thinking of clever retorts (though, to be fair he did do a fair deal of practicing in his bedroom mirror each night) and they often fell into a comfortable conversation. But sometimes she would say something a certain way or look at him too long and it would throw him off. Not in a bad way, no nothing at all like that, just… unexpected. She laughed at the jokes people would roll their eyes at or ask him to continue where normally he was cut off and all the little things just kept adding and piling up until Hunter didn’t know how he was supposed to carry them. She was so many little things, like the way she tilted her head when she asked him a silly question or how her glasses would slide off her edge of her knows when she got excited or the way she would stand close to him and sometimes their hands would brush like she didn’t care if they-

Focus! He thought, taking ingredients from the cabinets. There wasn’t much and what there was seemed to have no organizational system but he could resolve that after he figured out what to whip up. Something simple, something to show Willow he wanted to help. He didn’t know her well enough to enter her mind with Luz and Amity, but secretly he hoped he was getting there.

---

He managed to make something that resembled cookies, the smell filled the kitchen and it surprisingly wasn't an awful smell?. He remembered Willow mentioned once she was eager to get home as her father had made some and they were waiting for her. Truthfully, Hunter had never tasted a cookie but he had seen them when he walked by the bakery in town and knew the basics of their structure. Surely if he had taken a wrong turn the smell would reflect that, right? He imagined the look on Willow’s face when she saw his creation, and maybe even liked it. The flipped feeling returned to his stomach and spread through his whole chest like a wild fire when the potential look of delight on her face graced his mind.

In his efforts, he had made quite the mess. But he couldn’t help but feel pride as he quickly plated his creation, eager to return to Willow’s side. He didn’t think too much into this, he was always excited to see Willow. He tried not to think too much into that, chalking it up to the fact that she was interesting and a good listener and funny and smart and pretty and-

The point was she didn’t find him totally annoying, so why shouldn’t he enjoy her company?

And if she happened to think he was a little handsome then, well, that wasn’t the worst thing.

As he set the cookies to cool, he heard a sudden commotion from the next room. He quickly ran to see the cause, hoping it was a good sign. There was a bright flash and then he heard Luz and Amity. He stood back a moment, trying to deduce their tone before he heard Willow speak. Her voice was horse and soft, but he could tell she was back to normal. Good, he thought, feeling as though he could finally breathe again. She’s okay, she’s okay.

He went to greet her but before he could leave the kitchen, he was stopped by Luz. Before he could offer a snarky question as to what exactly she thought she was doing, she looked at him with wide, concerned eyes.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, furrowing his brow. He tried to looked past her to see what was going on. “Is she okay? Did something happen to-?”

“Willow’s fine.” she assured him, putting her arm up to stop him. “There was just some… complications.”

“What complications? Was she hurt? Does she need-?”

“No no, nothing like that but um there were some memories… we couldn’t save,” said Luz carefully.

“Like what? Did she forget something for a test she has? Because I can always-.”

“No, no uh there were more… recent memories,” Luz tried to figure out the nicest way to say this. ”Hunter, I’m sorry but we were still figuring out how things worked and it all happened so fast but… Willow doesn’t remember you.”

“What?” He felt something shatter.

“I’m so sorry, but hey, it’s an easy fix! Right? We can just introduce you now!”

“Yeah, uh I guess…” he said, looking at his current state. He had thrown on an old apron and was covered in flour, his hair a mess. This night was already so chaotic, it hardly seemed like a time Willow would want to meet someone new.

And then it dawned on Hunter: he had a second chance at a first impression.

Their first meeting had been… interesting. If you count hanging upside down by your ankle until a girl who took a wrong turn stumbles upon you helps untangle you interesting. Hunter did. But he had been so grumpy and flustered, and he wouldn’t have been had he only known who exactly had come to his rescue. She didn’t seem to care or be bothered by it, but he had come to value her opinion and he’d like to start again on the best foot possible. He had a chance for her to see him exactly as he wanted to be seen from the beginning and it felt like a chance he needed to seize.

His mind made up, he looked around for a way out before the human could return with Willow. Quickly, he climbed out the window and landed in a bush, He ducked beneath the window and pressed his back againythe wall as he heard Willow and Luz enter the kitchen,

“Huh, where did he go?” he heard Luz wonder.

“Who was this again?” Willow asked, her voice still raspy as though she was utterly exhausted.

“Uh, it’s kinda hard to explain,” Luz admitted. “But, he’ll be around again. I know he really wants to meet you!”

“Okay,” said Willow, uncertain. “If you say so.”

He couldn't help but think about the chill that went up his spine when she looked into his eyes. He didn’t understand exactly what it was but he knew it wasn’t nothing. He wanted Willow to know a better version of him. He cared what she thought. When she met him this time, he wanted it to be a meeting worth remembering.

—-

And so for the rest of the series up until ASIAS he’s trying to work up the nerve to meet Willow again as Hunter. Just when he’s ready, he gets promoted to coven bead and that’s when I’m also promoting him to Golden Guard or maybe like Golden Guard full time. So now he has more on his plate and he gets a more advanced staff and now he’s a real threat. But of course because he’s a loser and can’t stay away from her so they do interact when he’s the Golden Guard and he has that masked confidence. He’s still getting to know her so he’ll like run into her in the market or something and flirt but didn’t realize it’s flirting and he’s planning the perfect way to “re-meet.” The whole time Willow is like bugging because there’s something so familiar about him but she doesn’t know what and the others don’t tell her because they’re like still figuring out his deal. So when he does come to Hexside during ASIAS it’s much more thought through and intentional and feelings have already been caught.

Anyway sorry for a long pointless post but that’s just been on my mind k thanks bye.

#huntlow #winter toh #toh #the owl house #willow park #Hunter toh

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throwaway-yandere · 1 year

Text

"I AM HERE" (Yandere Modern CEO! Alhaitham/Reader)

a/n: btw, the logo's made by Esther anon!!! ❤️ Thank you so much!!!! Ily!!!

Unreliable Synopsis: You got recruited as Alhaitham's assistant... But honestly? You'd rather be a damn idol producer.

Mother of Klee, Alice's note: We (Our cutie pie Lumine and I) just wanted you to know that it wasn't our idea to make you Alhaitham's assistant, ✾... That's all! I'll have Barbara pray for you every Sunday <3

Yandere Idol!1k event masterlist

--------

You didn't get the job.

Technically you did get to work for the company, but you still didn't get the job. It's a strange predicament, truly. It would be comparable to learning how to prepare fried eggs in a culinary class and then being informed that you must serve medium-rare steak with sauce for the test.

Yes. You didn't become an idol's producer.

But anyone can imagine the kind of stress you're under when you found out you were hired as the CEO's assistant.

-----

"Ohohoho, a lost guest! It's always nice to see a new face around here! Can I get you something to drink? I promise you can trust me!" A man approached you with two bottles of iced coffee.

You raised an eyebrow, clumsily scratching your neck.

The taller blonde man beside him sighed exasperatedly. "I don't think anyone in their right mind would accept drinks coming from..."

An idol wearing a weird bonnet? Yeah.

"Geez, trainee, what's with that look? I don't spike drinks. Is that sooo hard to believe?"

"You're Kaveh and you're Venti of 5wirl, aren't you?" It's clear to you who they were after that brief exchange.

"Yep yep!!!" He does a tiny little finger-gun gesture. "The one and only– wait a minute, that's Itto's line."

"S-Sorry to bother you, but I'm quite lost right now..." You stuttered. "If you could lead me to CEO Alhaitham's office, that would be fantastic."

"Aaaahh, so YOU'RE (Y/n)! We heard rumors that you're going to work as that idiot Alhaitham's assistant, is that true?"

Your nose scrunched. Sadly, that does seem to be the case based on TeyvatPro's employees' behavior towards you.

Venti gave you a look of pity, "maybe you'd have a good life if he wasn't the CEO and a cum laude Akademiyan graduate. Unfortunately for you, that guy is both."

But you're also an Akademiyan graduate...

"That bastard's an absolute numbers guy for a linguistics major, if I were you, I'd purposefully bomb that interview," Kaveh said.

Venti shrugged. "Do you even have to try? I'd crumble if I'm stuck with him in a room for more than an hour. He probably got that attitude from his seniors."

But based on the magazine you've read, you were a senior when Alhaitham was a freshman...

"Yeah, yeah, we get it. Enough slander, Venti." Kaveh scoffed. "Like, hello? I was Alhaitham's senior you prick!"

You perked up. "Oh? What did you major in?"

Kaveh gazes at you proudly. "Architecture."

You raised a hand and you shared a quick high-five. "Nice! I love to idle around St. Deshret's building back then--"

"Aaaaaaaalright nerds, we're here!!!"

Venti loudly announced, bowing in front of the door.

A closed door, huh? There are unspoken things about doors when it comes to superiors. It's a pseudo-science that when a superior's door is always open, they value employer-employee relationships and are willing to hear out inquiries. Considering how Sir Alhaitham's closed...

Well... You shouldn't make a mountain out of a molehill.

A pink-haired lady opened the door.

"There you are, little one. Come, wait inside."

---

"We didn't expect someone like you to apply here. Your GPA is astoundingly high– what exactly made you want to apply here?"

The money and the location, but mostly the former. You had a similar salary before your old company faced bankruptcy, but the workplace here has some pretty decent coffee and a nice dental plan. Those standards may be low but at least they weren't nonexistent like your newbie self's preservation skills.

Miss Miko smiled slyly.

"You know what, don't answer." She said. "The boss should emerge in 3... 2... 1..."

You heard the door open, but you can't see who it was yet since a bookshelf was blocking your view.

"Well then, I'll be taking my leave~." The ex-idol giggled. "Farewell, little one."

Of course, it was none other than the CEO himself. Alhaitham walked to his desk, ignoring Miss Miko as he sat down, which amplified your nervousness. He's known as a genius businessman for a good reason. With a demeanor imbued with confidence and wit, his face glows in a rather youthful light.

"I'm certain you've deduced why I called you here."

You're wary of how his cologne smelled like money. He smells like he's trying to prove something to you.

"Y-Yes, sir, but I don't think I'd be fit to be your assistant–"

"That's right. You're still incompetent." He deadpanned, "I'm only hiring you because you have neat handwriting, and based on Lumine's analysis, you're something of a realist. My criteria are usually stricter than that."

You know little regarding the full business Alhaitham conducts, but if his standards helped him stay as the CEO instead of Madam Alice, it must be a challenging one.

"But...?" You droned.

"But?"

"W-Why me, then?"

Alhaitham scoffed, "there's no use explaining more than half of my reasonings to you. Let's just say I enjoy how you're something of an odd one out. Uniqueness as an asset is something I value, especially in this industry."

"If I'm not worthy, then may I propose that I'll only be a temporary assistant until you find a suitable idol for me? O-only if you'd allow it, of course."

He raised an eyebrow, not expecting those words from you.

"You're seriously determined to be an idol's producer?"

"I am."

"Even when being MY assistant provides better benefits?"

"Yes, sir."

"How stupidly honest. No, scratch that off the record: you're stupid AND honest."

You laughed uncomfortably. You're not sure why you're so direct with the CEO. Being straightforward with your potential employer is quite a welcome change from your usual practice of masking your true thoughts with formalities. You usually keep your opinions to yourself, but his mere presence implores you to speak frankly.

"I know that look." He said. "You notice it too, right? We communicate rather naturally for an employer-employee relationship."

"Yes, sir. It's a bit strange."

"Hmm. If you look deep within your past, you wouldn't think it's strange at all."

What does he mean by that?

Alhaitham reached his hand out. He smirked as you accepted his handshake.

His strong grip feels oddly familiar... You would think that you've known him from somewhere but you are still an Akademiya graduate. You need more evidence to support that gut feeling of yours.

"I like you. Let's get along for the next 5 years."

"Until you find a suitable idol for me." You answered without malice.

His face clenched slightly.

"Sure. Until you no longer need this company."

At that time, you should've noted that there's a difference between those two sentences.

-----

"I AM HERE." Your phone spoke in an AI voice.

It's been a long time since you had your first encounter with Kaveh & Venti and that interview with Alhaitham. Nowadays, you work hard to please the latter.

You opened your phone. TeyvatPro's app logo is a heart-shaped leaf, but it's anything but natural and comforting. It's corporate and cold. The AKASHA - Device Policy app served as a reminder that you've long abandoned your old job and entered a new business environment.

You miss your old boss. You miss your old colleagues.

You looked around, unfazed. It's just one of many features the AKASHA app has; it allows Alhaitham to make your phone speak whenever he's searching for you. Since you're usually around wherever he is, this tracker sufficed.

The door opened. You committed the painful error of fulfilling his demands at an ungodly hour of the night, and now Alhaitham has sent you more tasks.

Alhaitham pocketed his phone after seeing you. He just used it to make your phone ring. The AKASHA app doesn't allow you to silence his calls. It'll only stop saying "I AM HERE" once your boss turns it off.

"Mx. (Y/n)."

"Here are the files, sir."

Miffed at the exasperation in your boss's tone, you cast your eyes downwards as you passed his folder. However, you have to face him head on or he'll begin his streak of "professional" insults.

You won't let him run his mouth just yet. "Would that be all?"

Alhaitham didn't look like he was in his best mood. As he looked through the folder, skimming through each page with hawk-like eyes, you noticed two strange papers on his desk.

Is that... your file?

"S-Sir, permission to speak?"

"Granted."

"Why is my resume on your desk?" You showed your best poker face because you knew that your next words aren't pleasant.

"Am I fired?"

Alhaitham spoke immediately, not looking up to face you. "You're uncharacteristically confrontational. Is it because it's 2 in the morning?"

He's wrong about the hour– you're always begrudgingly bending your schedule for your bosses– but he's right about your "lack of spine." However, while you don't need another ulcer, you need this job.

Alhaitham continued, now sporting a more pronounced frown.

"How did you arrive at such a conclusion? I took you as my assistant for good reasons and your groundless inference shames this company."

"I... Pardon?" Rude.

"Perhaps it was wrong for me to assume that you possessed a greater aptitude for critical thinking," Alhaitham spoke sardonically. "Take a look at the desk again. The reason why your resume is there should be obvious."

"Is that right?..."

You glanced at his desk again, gaining unspoken permission to touch and move papers on your boss's desk. When you did, the underlying reason became apparent.

Kaveh's file is also on his desk.

With nowhere to turn, you came up with a single hypothesis.

"Does... Does this mean..."

You beamed a wonderful smile at your boss, unable back your excitement. "Does this mean I'll be reassigned as Kaveh's producer?!"

He smirked.

Unbeknownst to you, Alhaitham was pleased as you started associating his motivations with another cause entirely.

You grabbed Kaveh's resume, grinning from ear to ear as you fan your face. "Holy. Oh my God. I'll finally be an idol's producer!"

"Kaveh is still a trainee," Alhaitham replied but you didn't hear him.

There's no better fit for you to work with than someone as theatric as Kaveh. Visual kei, rock, disco– it makes virtually no difference what Kaveh's idol genre will be; you don't care as long as it sounds nice! In addition to being the only noisy members of the "ABC" or "Alhaitham Bashing Coalition," you both graduated from Akademiya, thus it's impossible for you two to not be close friends.

"I've never seen a person this happy for getting a downgrade."

"Then clearly you don't know what it's like for people who abandoned their engineering careers to pursue art."

"No. No, I don't." Alhaitham said, picking up more folders in his drawer. "Send this to Miss Minci down the first floor and you'll be excused for the day."

As you should've been in the first place. Today was a Sunday.

"Of course! Thank you so much, sir Alhaitham!"

He nodded, uninterested.

"Don't forget to close the door on your way out."

--------

"I'm taking Kaveh off the list."

"No, it's nothing personal– never mind. Yes, it is. Alice, I can't tolerate it. If I could swap out Venti for Scaramouche on 5wirl, I would. They're too enmeshed with my assistant's business. They don't know (Y/n) any longer than I have, yet they act like they've been friends with them since they were young while they can barely recall who I am."

"I've looked at Kaveh's file and honestly, only an idiot would miss that he wants to join TeyvatProductions to spite me. He knows my history with (Y/n). He knows what I did to their old company."

"... Hah. Please. They're not going to resign. I listen to their phone calls– they're not going to leave until they pay off their student loans and other debts."

You swallowed dryly. By now you were supposed to be at home, but Miss Minci instructed you to return Alhaitham's folder with her revisions and now you can't help but listen while hiding behind the bookshelf in morbid curiosity.

Consequently, you are now hearing sounds that were not intended for your ears.

"... (Y/n)? A pet?"

Alhaitham laughed.

A pet...?

Your breath hitched as you recalled a conversation you had with Venti months prior.

---------

"Haven't you ever wondered why the big boss never takes his earphone out?"

Whenever you two are alone together, Venti makes sure you turn off your phone when speaking to him. You never understood the reason why before this talk.

"Nope."

"Seriously?" Venti blew a raspberry. "Bullshit– ain't no way. You've never thought that, hmm, maybe he's listening to our conversations? Not even once?"

Alhaitham looks at you like an ant lining up in a row: with clear indifference and little regard, yet he is confident that you serve a purpose no matter how insignificant it may be. You noticed that the ability to exercise control matters to him. Alhaitham is obsessed with omniscience in the most subtle way. He is slightly despised by his people, therefore he used you as a subpar pawn to observe their behavior.

Deep down, you know he has no need for an assistant; you're only here to boost his pride. Hence, you tossed that hypothesis out the window.

"No, I doubt he has the time for that." You said after contemplating.

"Gosh, you're naive," Venti sighed. "You're book smart but not street smart, aren't you?"

"Hah?"

"C'mon, just admit it, (Y/n)," the idol frowned.

"Isn't it obvious that Alhaitham's keeping you like a pet?"

----------

So that's what you are.

Now that you overheard Alhaitham's phone call, everything pieced itself together and it terrifies you.

"They're not a pet to me. They were once my mentor–" Alhaitham muttered.

You took a step back.

Shit.

He must've heard that.

You didn't mean to snoop around. You're not a bad person. You just wanted to drop a few more folders. You didn't mean to eavesdrop–

"... (Y/n), are you there?"

You didn't breathe as you continued hiding behind the bookshelf.

You can't handle this right now. Confrontations are something you do not trust yourself with.

You stole a glance at Alhaitham as if seeing him for the first time. There sat a man with a veneer of calm. A man you've never met before.

"... Hmph."

Alhaitham pulled out his phone.

His face, his smirk, his breathing... they're now entirely alien to you.

Your phone rang.

"I AM HERE."

Your blood froze.

Anxiety coursed through your veins, not to recede but to possess. Your reaction is almost immediate yet his impinged movements served to make your heart run faster. You propel your heels to the door in a noisy attempt to leave even while you heard his chair drag against the floor, making his way toward you effortlessly.

Then his cold hand was clamped above yours, holding you and the doorknob with intense firmness.

You trembled.

His grip feels like deja vu.

"There you are. Why are you still here, my assistant?"

ANSYTEA: hehe thank you ✾ anon for joining the 1k event <333!!!

#yandere genshin x reader #yandere alhaitham x reader #yandere al haitham x reader #al haitham x reader #alhaitham x reader #yandere x reader #yandere genshin #yandere genshin impact #yandere male #yandere #yandere male lead #yandere fanfiction #yandere oneshot #tag: yan!1k idol event #✾ anon #ansy-writes

1K notes · View notes

choco-pudding · 1 year

Photo

Space Channel 5 Part 2: Sugoku Sugoi Guide Book p. 118-125 (Translation by @lavoszero and myself. Edits and typesetting by myself)

Second part of Report 5.

Imgur link to all of the Sugoku Sugoi Guide Book translations we’ve done thus far.

Plain text below.

p. 118

Shadows シャドーズ

Lv.10 Groove 113

Right Right Chu- Chu- Chu- Chu- Chu

p. 119

Hey! [2] Hup [3] Ho! [4] Hyahh, moro! [5] Yah!

Lv.10 Groove 114

Up Down Up Down Chu Chu Chu

p. 120 Mystery Zone · Back Room A

Playing

Ulala’s Stars: 12 This is where we had our pandemonic showdown with The Shadows. As usual, excluding when it’s time for Ulala's "Chu" or "Hey," you can use any of the directional buttons for your inputs. Pressing different combinations of directions makes for an even flashier performance. After this battle, we got a peek at Shadow's true face; to think he was an ally all along…

“Battle of the Bands!”

021 ⬇ ⬇ x x 022 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ x x 023 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ x x x 024 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ x

025 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ 026 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ 027 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ 028 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ 029 ⬇ ⬇ x x x

Lv. 4 Groove 115

Up Down Up Down Woof Woof Woof

p. 121

030 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ x x x 031 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ o o o 032 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ o o o 033 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ x o x

9. Timed Chu

034 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ 035 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ 036 ⬇ ⬇ x 037 ⬇ ⬇ x 038 ⬇ ⬇ x 039 ⬇ x 040 o o 041 o o 042 o o 043 o o 044 ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ ⬇ x

Pine Comment: After set [39], there’ll be some quick "hey, hey" exchanges, but it'll switch back to directional inputs at set [44]. It's pretty easy to get struck on the previous pattern and continue pressing "hey, hey" by accident.

“Couldn’t you buy me just a lil’ more time?”

Lv. 4 Groove 116

Left Left Right Right Woof Woof Woof

p. 122 Mystery Zone · Back Room B

Ulala’s Stars: 7 Time for the climactic shooting game of Which One is the Real One. During sets [45] ~ [48], the real one is easy to spot since he looks and sounds different, but after set [49], we had to identify—and rescue—the real one by his pose. This Jaguar guy left a bad first impression on me, but we still worked together for one last "whoo."

“Time for a game! Think ya can spot the real one?”

10.

“Which one of us doesn’t belong?” 045 “Which one of them doesn’t belong?” ⬆ x x x x o “Which one is the real one?” 046 “Which one is the real one?” ⬆ x x o x x

11.

047 ⬆ x x x o x 048 ⬆ o x x x x

Lv. 4 Groove 117

Up- U- Uh- Up Woof Woof Woof

p. 123

12.

049 ⬆ x o x x x 050 ⬆ x x x x o 051 ⬆ x o x x x 052 ⬆ x x x o x 053 ⬆ x x o x x 054 ⬆ x x x x o

Tchalaalaa Fu! [6]

Lv. 4 Groove 118

Right Left Right Left Woof Woof Woof

p. 124 Pudding’s Interview? About Ulala’s Weakness, the Space Pirates, & Jaguar

…My blood type is AB, my specialty is knowing the latest gossip, five years ago I used to just be an idol, but I decided to become a reporter. One of my hobbies is riding around on my space bike. Wondering if that’s all I have to say? I’m all done talking about myself, so I guess I’ll go home now. (A minute later)… Fine, fine, since you’re fussing so much, I’ll stay in the interview room. It’s like I’m a prisoner here. Huh? You want me to talk about Ulala and Jaguar? Tch, so that’s what you want to know. You should’ve said that from the start so I wouldn’t have rushed to give my profile information. That’s way more interesting. Now I’m upset. (The hosts bring in one of her favorite foods, kuzumochi) Oh, well now, that’s smart of you. Fine, I guess I’ll tell you about them. Alright, this gives you 20 minutes, after that, I’m leaving.

About Ulala A while back, then…Ulala was…Ah, just the other day I was tricked into advertising for Channel 5, but I didn’t know it was for them at the time… Even though it was for our own publicity too, I can’t believe we were promoting our rival station of all things…That has to be one of the biggest regret I’ve ever had in my entire life… Pretty shocking, huh? Not only that, but I even lost the guitar duel, I was sure I was gonna win that. Double the shock there. If this keeps on happening, I’m going to have to do everything in my power to get Ulala to lose ratings for Channel 5!

Well, I know all of Ulala’s weakness, so if I need to fight her, I’ll be prepared~. What, you wanna know them, too? Hmm, Ulala’s weaknesses. She’s afraid of deafening silence. I guess drifting all alone in a spaceship accident was very traumatic for her since she was so little. But this weakness could be fading; the scars on people’s hearts can heal. Anyway, I know a way more direct weakness! Spicy things. Things like space wasabi, space mustard, and spices, she can’t handle any of those. Teeheehee. I wonder, what kind of trick should I pull to get her to eat something with space wasabi?

Lv. 4 Groove 120

Right Right Righ- Righ- Woof Woof Woof

p. 125

Her favorite food is roasted space duck so maybe I’ll make it and season it with a good amount of the spices under the skin. It’d be delicious… (looks off into the distance absentmindedly for about 47 seconds). Ah, I made myself drool. Hehe.

And then there’s Jaguar, I’d call that a weakness, too… heh (couldn’t stop laughing for 1 minute and 9 seconds). Jaguar is a person Ulala admires (old news). Well, Ulala throws a tantrum like a little kid if I even sneer at her, I could lure her out with just Jaguar’s name, then prank her or whatever, but I’m not gonna do that. I’m not that mean!!

About Jaguar Well, speaking of Jaguar, he’s honestly really cool. Especially since he’s the leader of the Space Pirate Broadcasting Station (a group that goes around in the Space Pirate ship, Bad Tuning, and broadcasts all over the galaxy. Naturally, they’re all space pirates). He’s a man, who no matter what happens, always seeks the truth. I guess you can call him irresistible, right! Hehe. Oh, also, don’t mention that I drooled earlier… If you do my reputation will be ruined! By the way, apparently he looks like the person who saved Ulala, when she was all alone during that one accident. He’s the dashing type of guy that’s always coming and going like the wind, and always comes to help even if you don’t ask for it.

There’s a lot of rumors going around about his past too, like that he went into hiding ‘cause someone wanted the those connected to reporting that accident out of the picture, some say he used to be a reporter for Channel 5, but others say he wasn’t. Or that he was just a random man that happened to be there during the time of the incident. With Channel 5 under new management now, there’s even newer rumors about him springing up. Like that the Space Pirate Broadcasting Station was really made to get revenge against Channel 5. It must be kinda nice to have that kind of popularity, it’s like Ulala and Jaguar are the stars of a Space Romance. Ah, anyway, was there anything else I needed to talk about…?

[Translator’s notes: by “out of the picture” he means end his career for ever. Basically have him blacklisted (or worse). Space Romance as in the genre.]

Lv. 4 Groove 120

Up Down Down Woof Woof Woof

#space channel 5 #Space Channel 5 part 2 #Sugoku Sugoi Guide Book #shadow #jaguar #ulala #translations

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mysteryshoptls · 1 year

Text

SSR Azul Ashengrotto Bloom Birthday Personal Story: Part 1

"Happy Birthday"

Part 1 (Part 2) (Part 3)

[Octavinelle Dorm – Birthday Party Venue]

Azul: This birthday interview is a prime opportunity for others in the school to understand me better. I must take full advantage of this occasion.

Azul: My research into the interview questions has been perfectly compiled. No matter what they ask me, I'll respond flawlessly.

???: I got the worst luck in having to interview this guy of all people. Out of everyone in Octavinelle, he's the guy I can't stand the most.

Azul: …Oh my, it seems my presenter is here.

Jack: It's Jack Howl, your presenter. Azul…...senpai. Happy Birthday.

Azul: Thank you very much, Jack-san. I am looking forward to today.

Jack: Sure. Let's just jump right into the interview. The first question is…

Jack: “Are you good or bad at flying?”

Azul: This one of all the possible questions…?

Azul: Ahem, please ignore me. You said flight, yes? I am receiving grades sufficient enough to pass my courses.

Jack: You usually get the highest grades on your tests, right? So, when you say, "sufficient enough to pass"…

Jack: So basically, you're definitely saying you're terrible at flying, huh.

Azul: …I can't say whether the term "terrible" is relevant to this situation, but I have been putting forth an extreme amount of effort this whole time.

Azul: I would prefer you to not lump me in with others who just decide it's impossible from the start and give up without trying.

Azul: It would be foolish to simply give up. Even people who aren't able to use magic have developed aircraft, you know.

Jack: …I guess I have to agree with you on that point.

Azul: I am truly pleased you agree. And while there are many crafts that can fly through the sky...

Azul: Out of all of them airplanes are quite spectacular. They can transport you safely to distant lands, and in a short amount of time.

Azul: But what surprised me even more are the abundance of the different transportation facilities on land. I never expected there to be that many alternative modes of transport!

Jack: When you say land… Are you talking about cars and trains?

Azul: Indeed. As long as you pay the fare, public transportation will very conveniently bring you to your final destination.

Jack: I mean, the cost is pretty outrageous if you travel by airplane, let alone trains or busses.

Jack: I'm a little… no, a lot surprised that you'd even suggest you're willing to pay that fare.

Azul: Of course, I would rather limit any unnecessary expenses. However, it is well worth the price to use those modes of transportation.

Azul: Not only does it reduce travel time, but there are other various benefits.

Jack: Other benefits…? Like what?

Azul: Perhaps this is simply so obvious to someone who has lived their whole life on the land that it's just taken for granted.

Azul: Some time ago, I took the bus to the town at the foothills.

Azul: Spending the trip watching the scenery drift by the windows was quite the pleasant respite.

Azul: And the greatest benefit of all would be that I am able to use that time efficiently.

Azul: While on the move, I am able to gather information, check my mail, study, or read. There is nothing better than that.

Jack: Yeah, that's true. It feels like a waste to just zone out while sitting there.

Azul: Right? I can work or study with light background noise, and also look out at the scenery to take a break at times.

Azul: The transportation methods on the surface are truly convenient. I am sincerely in awe.

Jack: HM? Somehow the topic completely shifted to transit. I can't help but feel like he skillfully sidestepped the conversation…

Jack: …I guess I got an answer out of it, so I'll just call it good.

Part 1 (Part 2) (Part 3)

Requested by @pianostarinwonderland.

#twisted wonderland #twst #azul ashengrotto #jack howl #twst azul #twst jack #twst translation #twst birthday

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codename-mom · 8 months

Text

Let's talk about Hotch

Waiting for me to (write and) publish the next chapters of “Code Name: Mom”, here is a little post about a stunning scene which happened in season 9, in the famous episode: Route 66. Yes, I’ll talk about this moment where Hotch apologizes before he passes out.

Why I want to talk about that? Well, because, most of the time, the reaction of fans is to laugh at it. People find this scene hilarious because they think that the attitude of Hotch is ridiculous. In everyone’s mind, nobody apologizes before losing consciousness.

True. And then, I don’t think that this moment was that fun to be honest. I think that it illustrates pretty well the complexity of his way of thinking and even the way he sees himself around his team members.

Let’s explain it.

I think that nobody will be surprised if I say that Hotch received a strict education. He’s always stiff, he phrases distinctively, he has a great culture and he’s always polite no matter what. We know that his father was a lawyer (so wealthy) and that his mother went to a prestigious school. Now, if we think about the reasons why we excuse ourselves, it can be:

because we want to go somewhere but someone prevents us to go further,

because we hurt someone (physically or morally),

because we bump into someone else,

or because we need some information and we have then to disturb someone.

In the last two examples, the need to be forgiven comes from the fact that we know we have disturbed another human being. We break into their daily routine and stop their activity, which means that they can be angry. We apologize to avoid to be hurt in return.

What’s the matter with that scene, you’ll tell me? Actually, think again about the reasons why we apologize. Hotch didn’t excuse himself because he tried to get into the meeting room, and he didn’t seem to have hurt anyone around. Then, he bumped into no one and didn’t ask for information, but he still apologizes because he knows that he’s going to disturb the members of his team. Even if he has a poor inner perception, he knows that he’s losing consciousness and knows that his agents will have to drop everything to take care of him even if they have better things to do (like start the investigation, for example). And as he was raised to be polite, he says: “Excuse-me” (like you can do when you’re feeling nauseous and have to escape in a middle of a family reunion: you fail to be there, and your relatives will be worried about you).

That said, we can dig deeper.

There is a thing that uninvolved people mustn’t know, and this is that shy people can be ridiculously polite. “Ridiculously”, because they’ll ask for forgiveness when they haven’t done anything wrong (for ex, someone bumps into them, and they apologize). Hotch is clearly a shy guy who doesn’t like to be the center of the attention. He’s tall, impressive, has a deep voice and he’s good looking, so gazes are naturally attracted by him. But unlike Derek who’s playing with that, Hotch avoids to put himself on the front of the stage. He never says that he’s the BAU director (and as so the superior of the others), never took credits for their work (that’s why he knew that Spencer was sending a message to him when he said that he was narcissist) and stands always in the background when his men talk to witnesses (except when there are violent individuals – then he stands in the middle – he is always standing behind his agents and let them lead the interview).

And his shy side rises all the more when he’s back to civil life (and when he puts his protective suits into the closet). We all see it when he’s with Jack, Jessica, or Beth: he’s lacking confidence, lows his eyes and he looks clumsy. He’s afraid to hurt, to do the wrong move and to be ridiculous. Aaron is light-years away from Hotch talking about self-confidence. And this mistrust in us comes often with shyness. And what shyness is? Well, it’s only the fear to disturb someone else. And when you’ve got this fear, deeply rooted into your heart, you can excuse yourself because you’re going to pass out. Because you know that the people will going to stop their activity to watch for you. Hotch excuses himself to become suddenly the center of the attention when people are dying at the other side of the country. Hotch apologizes to disturb his neighbors when they have to catch a murderer.

And we can even go further.

Indeed, in place of asking for apologize, he could have said: “I’m not feeling good”, “a moment please” or “call 911”. With the BAU we are in a team dynamic where everybody’s helping the others and where we do care for each other. Helping a fallen comrade must be natural. With this logic, he shouldn’t be worried for his coworkers to taking care of him. And then, he apologizes. Why?

Well, the answer can come from this headcanon of mine that Hotch thinks that the agents under his command don’t like him (at least, not as much as he loves them). In his mind, his employees are, for the better, indifferent to his presence or, worse, hate him fiercely. Let me remind you that the only time he asks them what they think about him, he helped them by saying that he has no sense of humor (which is not such a big flaw in my opinion) and then they said, in return, that he was a drill sergeant, a bully and a macho. And if, like I think, he took this for real, those three flaws – which are quite big actually – are engraved in his memory for ever. For him, the members of his team appreciate each other, but they tolerate him because they have to (he’s their boss and he involves himself in all their cases). It means that when he was about to pass out, he didn’t think: “everything is fine, they’ll take care of me”, but thought: “Darn! They’ll have to take care of me” (subtext: “when they clearly have other things to do that to deal with this dude who follow them everywhere”). Proof is that he is surprised to see that there is someone of his crew to his side when he wakes up (Penelope). We don’t have this kind of reaction when we know that we’re appreciated (we react that way when we are convinced that nobody will be there).

So, we then have a character who apologize before passing out, not because he’s stupid or something, but because he doesn’t want to disturb the work of people who can’t stand him.

Which is, if I may, not that funny in the end.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #hotch #agent hotchner #headcanon #wednesday thoughts

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biggerbetterbat · 8 months

Text

WITH YOU [1] SHATTERED DREAMS

Daryl Dixon x OC

Summary: Charlie didn't want to believe in the virus until she saw it on her own eyes.

Warnings: blood/injuries, dead bodies, language, death

Song: Dog Days Are Over Florence + The Machine

Author's note: This chapter is just about the OC, because I want you to know her. I hope you like it and please let me know somehow if you do.

DAYLIGHT ON WATTPAD

Not many people could say this - especially at the age of twenty-four, but her life was perfect. If you can define what these two words perfect life means to you, her life was probably a hundred times better. Living alone in a fancy and big apartment in the middle of Atlanta with a view of the whole city. She had an amazing job that gave her a free gym pass and fruit on Thursdays. She had many friends and, a new fast car and her face was well known among people not just in Atlanta, but in the whole state.

"Yes mom." she said to her phone. "Are they coming with you guys?"

She was listening to her mother ranting on and on about them moving to Atlanta, because of some virus that was going around lately. But it was like that for a week at least. Her mom was freaking out, she was listening to it and scientists or other smart people couldn't tell what is the cause of the infection and how to stop it.

She fixed her hair and smeared pink lipstick on her lips.

"Charlie! Five minutes. They're waiting for you!"

"Okay Mommy, I have to go." she cut her mom short. "I will call you later and I'm seeing you in a week."

Charlie didn't know she won't see her family in those seven days and that was probably one of the last conversations she had with her mom. She would listen to her more carefully if she knew that she would never hear her voice.

"Yeah. Love you too." she said. "And don't worry about it, it's probably temporary. Bye."

"Is she scared?" asked Vanessa, who was responsible for doing her makeup.

"Yeah. She's paranoid."

Vanessa smiled and put powder on her forehead.

"I saw the video." she replied."This virus might be true, Charlie."

She rolled her eyes and stood on her legs, touching her hair. "Mhm. Dead people walking on the streets. What next? Brat Pitt will be trying to find the cure for that? Please."

"Charlie!" the producer yelled her name.

"I'm coming!"

So around one week before, the whole country panicked as they found out about the virus going around. There was a shooting in LA - nothing new, but someone leaked the video of a man being shot at by the police. He had around ten or so shooting wounds but still was able to walk around like nothing had happened. What killed him for good was a bullet between his eyes. After the video was seen by almost everyone in the country, the authorities informed that there was something bad in the air.

And here's the thing, Charlie didn't believe any word she heard in the news, because for the whole seven days, everyone was quiet, there was no virus or anything similar before. What she was sure was that the video was edited or it was a shot from some kind of video game, because a man could not be a walking sack of bullets and still breathing.

That was no virus. That was bullshit.

That's why she couldn't understand why she was doing what she was doing. Right now she should be in the studio, asking some fancy chef what he has got for them this time. Lamb or maybe octopus? She should be in the studio doing pointless interviews, so all housewives of Atlanta and the nearby area could be happy. Instead, she was ready to walk into the safe zone...

She sighed heavily.

Atlanta was the safest city of all - at least that's what they were saying. It was fortified, and the sight of tanks, military cars, or soldiers with serious-looking weapons on the streets of the city was pretty normal by now. That's why the authorities asked everyone who could to move here and wait for what was coming in a safe place.

Bullshit, because nothing was coming.

"Hello." said the woman, dressed pretty normally for someone who was the boss in charge of the safety of this place. "My name's Olivia Clark."

The whole accommodation was also normal. One alley and a couple of useless buildings secluded from the rest of the city with a wire fence. They also put up some trailers, so there would be more space for newcomers.

Some kids were running around, playing with toys, or drawing with colorful chalk. It wasn't crowded yet - some people here and there, talking or doing other day-to-day things, but at the same time Charlie didn't expect to see anyone here, so that was really shocking to her.

"Thank you for coming here today. As you can see there's not many people here yet." said the woman. "We should do everything in our power to tell as many people as possible about this place."

Charlie smiled tightly.

She was here because that's what she got paid for, she wasn't some type of Miss Universe to pray for the peace in the world. It wasn't her choice to come here and she just wanted to have things done.

"You can film this building and trailers. That's where people sleep, eat, and just spend their time. Over there, there is a canteen, so feel free to go there." said the woman in charge. "Just don't go in the building over there."

"What's in that building?" asked Charlie immediately.

Olivia looked over at the building and gulped, then she looked back at Charlie with a heavy sigh.

"I guess you' 're a part of this now, so I can show you," she said. "But no cameras. People can't find out about this."

This place was probably some old police station or something of that type. At first, it was just a normal place, where they were probably keeping all of their medication and where doctors were. Because everyone was walking around in blue uniforms and gloves. Hospital was her first thought and in fact, she wasn't that far from the truth.

"If you want to pass those doors you have to leave your camera and everything that would record anything. We will search you." she informed and some people just walked to her, cameraman Jerry and the rest of the crew. "You have to promise that you just forget what you're going to see in a moment."

Charlie shrugged and signed a paper that was probably some kind of agreement. She couldn't care less at this point and to be honest, she didn't want to be part of this, she was just curious. They also got white masks. The lady who handed it to them said something that sounded like good luck followed by: "You're gonna need it."

"Isn't that exciting? We're one of few people that get to see whatever's in here." said excited Kyle - he was a part of the crew, responsible for the sound. "I love our job." he smiled and entered to the next room.

"Bubble baths are exciting," she mumbled under her nose.

When they walked through the doors they found themselves on a long corridor with different types of doors.

First, they saw some cells with pale-looking people. They looked pretty normal, but just like people with a fever. Doctors or nurses were walking around them, making sure that they took medication or measuring their temperature.

In the next cell, people looked much worse. They were shivering and droplets of cold sweat were running down their faces. They were just laying there with probably cold compresses on their foreheads. Not many healthy people walked around them, they were kind of left alone.

Right next to it was yet another cell with people that could barely blink and even that seemed painful. Those people were just waiting for death to come at this point and it was very painful to watch. Not that she felt for them, it was just inhumane to keep them alive like that. She could imagine her brothers or parents or even herself like that and Charlie knew that she would rather be killed.

"We segregate them on stages." informed Olivia. "We don't know which ones are just sick and which ones are infected."

The whole crew with Charlie looked at Olivia with narrowed brows.

"Oh, we searched them before we let them in. We checked if they have any scratches or bites." she explained. "We have no idea how that happened."

Oh, it was the only sure thing in the recent situation. Smart people didn't know how the virus got awakened, but people could be infected in two ways: scratch or bite. Charlie didn't know why another person could bite another human being, maybe it was caused by hallucinations? Or fever?

Charlie was lost.

What did Olivia mean when she said that? Those were human beings, but they were just sick. Why did she become so tense as soon as she walked through those doors? What the hell was going on here?

"Let's go."

Reed stood for a moment longer next to a cell. There was something that caught her eyes inside. It was a man who was just lying there and could barely breathe on his own, but as he moved she was able to see a bloody stain on his stomach.

It was a bite.

She was horrified because that's not how she imagined the bite. She had four brothers and being the only girl wasn't easy growing up. When they were younger Charlie often found herself in the middle of a physical fight, tackling them, biting them, or being bitten. But any of her marks looked like that. The bit wasn't big and it looked as if a human being was a cause of it, but there was something scary. It was deep, to the bone - just a piece of meat gone. Bleeding torn wound, almost as if some hungry animal did it.

Before she had a chance to take a closer look, she heard gagging and gasps. She looked in the direction of her coworkers and headed to where they stood.

This time they didn't stand before a cell, they stood before something that looked like an interrogation room. But it wasn't important- not in comparison to what they all saw inside. It was something that no news or viral videos could prepare you to see. She held her gag herself as she saw what was inside.

"We have two more full of these," said Olivia. "And two more just waiting to be filled."

It was maybe ten walking things and around five sitting ones. They looked horrible, but as much as she would like to just look away, she was hypnotized in a way. They all were moving their jaws, walking around to find something else than the rotten body. She has never seen anything like it. Rotten bodies, pale skin, and nails that could tear flesh easily. Its eyes were empty as if hidden behind a gray cloud. It looked like a person but surely wasn't anymore.

She knew that there was a special glass separating them from those things, but she didn't feel safe at all. They could probably sense them somehow - maybe by their scent or maybe they could hear them because one of those things was facing them. Snarling and bringing the attention of others' dead bodies, and soon all of them were on a glass, trying to reach them.

"We should go." said Olivia."Once they hear you, they won't calm down."

She was looking at the camera, the microphone shaking in her hands that she just couldn't stop. She swallowed but still had this horrible picture in front of her eyes. The lifeless body of a thing that was once someone. Empty eyes and yellow teeth move in a hunger. Snarling still in her ear as if one of them was behind all the time.

"Charlie you good?" asked one of the members of the crew. She just looked at him, so he came up to her. "I know it's scary. I want to run away from this place just like you, but...there's work to do."

Charlie furrowed her brows at him.

"You want me to lie? It's not safe here," she whispered, so Olivia couldn't hear. "I have a family too and I wouldn't want them to come here."

"And they won't." he said. "Charlie. Just do your work."

She swallowed what wanted to leave her insides and looked over at her other friends. They were as pale as she was and their eyes showed that they think just like her. Kyle was no longer smiling, but sitting in front of his console looking at it with an empty stare. She didn't know if people could hear anything from what she was about to say, as their sound specialist was just sitting there, not moving as if those things ate his insides. Cameraman Jerry could barely hold the camera as his hands were shaking.

"3...2...1..."

"Good morning Atlanta." Charlie smiled as wide as she could. "You probably wonder where I am today? Today I visited Atlanta's safe zone..." her voice stuck in her throat because what she had to say next was just a bunch of lies. "Atlanta's safe zone...the best place to stay during the epidemic."

Charlie swallowed looking into the camera.

"If there's a safe place somewhere, it's here in Atlanta. You will get medical help, food and water, and a place to sleep." she said. "There's also military supervision at the gates, so nothing alive or..." Before she finished her sentence the dead eyes of the dead flashed right in front of her face. "Nothing alive or dead would get through."

Charlie smiled even wider to encourage anyone who would watch her to come to Atlanta.

"So if I were you...If I would have a choice, I would want to be here. In Atlanta's safe zone. Please bring your families and let's stay safe." she appealed. "It was Charlie Reed. Have a great day Atlanta."

As soon as she ended her broadcast and got rid of all the mics, she entered her car and just sat there. Tears of fear ran down her face and she knew that she would do anything to stop her family from coming here. To this day this whole virus was just a gossip, a dream and nothing real.

But she saw it, with her own eyes. She saw it, heard it, and even smelled it.

Another thought formed in her head, the one that took her breath away and crushed her ribs. The news that was surrounding them was just a bunch of bullshit. People out there didn't know shit about the virus and what was really going on. They didn't know what those things looked like and they just thought about them as sick people.

Now Charlie was sure about a different thing- there was no something like a safe zone or place.

It was all bullshit.

[masterlist] [next]

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl x reader #daryl fanfiction #daryl twd #daryl dixon twd #daryl the walking dead #daryl dixon series

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samueldays · 6 months

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'Effectively, Ukraine has eliminated Russian ground forces'

...claimed an 'Eastern Europe expert' in this thread in March 2022, one month into the Russian invasion of Ukraine.

I was reminded of him when looking through some chatlogs today. At the time, I thought he was making absurd predictions, but figured he might try to water them down to claim something like accuracy if Ukraine won in the next month or two, stretching the definitions of words.

Now it's been a year and a half, and I want to revisit Sergej Sumlenny's bluster, not just for him being thoroughly personally wrong, but as a general reminder that anyone can call themselves an expert, and still be completely wrong.

In the first month of the war, this guy was saying shit like:

Russia and its army are about to collapse. RU obviously has no reserves left

Russia has been "about to collapse" every month for the last twenty months, somehow.

According to Ukrainian intelligence (and they get much info from the US I guess) Russia has already used 95% of all its ground forces gathered for the invasion, and it makes almost 100% of Russia's active ground forces. Effectively, Ukraine has eliminated Russian ground forces

If Ukraine would resist several more days, I am sure Russia will face the biggest defeat in its history. Nothing comparable. It will also trigger independency movements in Russia-occupied countries of Tatarstan, Bashkortostan, Ichkeriya, Sakha, Komi and others

I am not seeing these things that were supposed to happen after "several more days".

When Moscow army will be eliminated (and it nearly is)

I am also sure - very soon we will face a shiny glorious future without the Prison of Nations. Thank to brave Ukrainians.

"very soon" has come and gone, Sergej, why are you still here?

The simple explanation, IMO, is that this guy is a pure propagandist, nothing else.

Perhaps he was never attempting to say anything true at all, he was completely disconnected from the evidence, Ukraine paid him to say pro-Ukraine things so he said the things his paymaster wanted. If Russia had paid him, he would have said the opposite.

But the thing about the Sumlennys of the world is that someone has put quite a lot of money into making them look expert. A Twitter account is free and can be set up in five minutes. A website for the European Resilience Center, maybe fifteen minutes and ten bucks to host. The content over at European Resilience, with regular updates, takes a bit more work. But Sumlenny being interviewed by external sources like France24 is not so easily manufactured.

For more on Ukraine's planned counter-offensive and all of the latest in Russia's brutal year-long invasion, FRANCE 24 is joined by Sergej Sumlenny, Journalist, Political Analyst, and Managing Director of the European Resilience Initiative Center.

Sumlenny got similar treatment in a wide variety of news outlets from ABC to Al Jazeera. Journalism delenda est. Both for Sumlenny personally, and for the many other journalists who interviewed him, respected him, failed to fact-check him, treated him as an expert, and gave him the prestige of an expert. There's two different meanings of "expert":

"expert" as in "has a credential and is used as a source on the subject being discussed"

"expert" as in "consistently produces good results and correct predictions"

and Sumlenny was very much the first sort. Which also has two meanings when I say it: that he was not the second sort, and that people did cite him and invite him and treat his opinion as being worth more than some random Tumblr blog.

(One might like to have a word that only means the second sort of expert. Good luck keeping it!)

The information ecosystem is polluted by Sumlennys. It's easy and common to go "Russian bot", but one should also have a mental space for "Ukranian bot", and then expand that term far enough to include Sumlenny, or have some other term for the less-obviously-bot-like people performing expertise as they spout nonsense. There is no side that is free of lies and nonsense, there is no credential that is clean, there is no institution that is clean. The clown world experts are everywhere. Sumlenny was not acting alone, nor is he unique, Sumlenny merely happened to get my attention, and the "factcheck" system that journalists love to talk about didn't catch him. It's not going to catch slightly more subtle lies. Epistemology is hard.

#all #the death of expertise #or perhaps the death of credentialism #journalism delenda est #factcheck #rant #bluecheck

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not-wholly-unheroic · 8 months

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Thoughts on Off to Neverland: 70 Years of Disney’s Peter Pan by Jim Korkis

Now that I have finished reading Off to Neverland, I’d like to share some thoughts on it—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let’s start with the negatives and get that out of the way, shall we?

As mentioned in a previous post, the book starts out sounding rather clunky and more like a list of facts than an actual book. However, once we move past the original history of Peter Pan as imagined by J.M. Barrie and start getting into the history of Disney Peter Pan material specifically, it starts to improve. Korkis was, after all, considered a Disney historian, so I guess it’s no real surprise that he writes more excitedly about that side of things. That said, there are still some things that bugged me and made me feel like the book was slapped together in a hurry. I noticed several spelling errors, missing words, and/or weird punctuation throughout the book and while that doesn’t take away from the info itself, it’s rather distracting and unprofessional for a published book. It’s also troubling that Korkis has neither a bibliography nor footnotes in his book to indicate exactly where he got his information from. Some of it was, undoubtedly, from interviews he conducted himself, but even then, there is a way that you are supposed to write up interviews as source material for professional writing…and Korkis just…doesn’t for some reason. So if I want to look up more info on, say, a specific fact…I can’t really do that because I have no proof of an original source. Lastly, some of the “facts” he includes—and I’m being nitpicky here but the guy is supposed to be a Disney historian so I think I’m allowed to be—are straight-up WRONG. For example, in the Disney film, Hook is said to have a harpsichord in his cabin (it’s not; it’s a piano—listen to a harpsichord…it doesn’t sound like that) and a cutlass as his weapon of choice (cutlasses are curved on one side; his blade is definitely more akin to a rapier or a fencing sword). Smee is also said to be the first mate in the original film, and while it’s true that in some later Disney media like Jake and the Neverland Pirates has portrayed Smee as a first mate, the original film does not. Heck, the man has a bosun’s whistle that he uses to pipe up the crew and specifically mentions the first mate as one of the people spreading rumors about Pan having banished Tink during the scene where he’s pouring hot water on Hook’s feet. So clearly he isn’t the first mate, and you don’t have to be a Disney expert to know that. You just have to actually watch the film. The author also says that Cubby is referred to as Curly in the sequel, Return to Neverland…which, again, just listen to the film for yourself and you’ll quickly learn that isn’t true. Oh, and did I mention that he essentially defends the racist portrayal of the “Indians” in the original film? Yeah, so…there’s that.

On a more positive note, I did learn some interesting new things about Peter Pan in the Disneyverse (though, of course, since there is no bibliography, I can’t prove any of them…). So, here are a few fun facts for you fellow Peter Pan nerds, as promised.

(1) There were a LOT of changes made to the original script and storyline between its initial inception and the final version of the film we have today. A few things that were considered but ultimately not used include the following:

Wendy was originally going to be the one who wanted to go to Skull Rock while Peter warned it was too dangerous to go there, only giving in when she finally dared him to take them there.

In one version, Nana came with the kids to Neverland while John stayed home, being “too grown up” for Neverland.

There were several different suggested starting points for the film. One would have had an adult Wendy as narrator reading the story to her daughter, Jane. Another started with Peter’s backstory similar to his origins in The Little White Bird. In either this or another version with a backstory for Pan, we would have seen Tink as the queen of the fairies who, on being presented with the foundling baby Peter, decided that he should be raised by the fairies to protect them against the pirates and other threats and, in exchange, gave him the power of flight.

One version of the story that would have followed much more closely to Barrie’s storyline had Hook creeping down part of the way into Hangman’s Tree to poison Peter but getting stuck and weeping frustrated tears that land in Peter’s “medicine.” These tears, of course, turned out to be poison from the red of his eye as in the 2003 film. This version also would have featured Hook voluntarily jumping ship and being nabbed by a silent crocodile whose clock had run down.

Disney debated for a long time whether to make Peter Pan a live-action film, an animated film, or a hybrid of the two. In the case of the latter, Wendy and her brothers would have been live-action characters with Hook, Peter, and the other residents of Neverland as animated characters who sprung to life from Wendy’s storybook.

There was gonna be a fairy ball. And a scene with the fairies feeding the kids at a kind of banquet. Also a fairy jazz band. Yes, you read that right. Fairy. jazz. band.

(2) The very first Tink to fly over one of the Disney parks to head off the fireworks was a 70 year-old Hungarian woman of Jewish descent and former burlesque dancer. This lady, known as “Tiny” Kline, slid down a 784 ft long cable nearly 150 ft off the ground at speeds up to 30 mph nearly every night for three years…while fighting cancer.

(3) There was an earlier version of Return to Neverland titled Peter and Jane featuring Kathryn Beaumont reprising her role as Wendy and Corey Burton in both the roles of Hook and Smee. Most of the voice recording for this version was already complete when the directors decided to go a different direction with the film. Beaumont was ultimately replaced by Kath Soucie, and the role of Smee went to Jeff Bennett.

(4) Somewhere out there, a live-action reference model version of Return to Neverland exists, and I need it. I have no idea if any of the voice actors were used as models as in the original film, but either way, I really wish we had some way to access the recording, or at least stills.

(5) Apparently, the filmmakers’ reasoning for replacing the crocodile with the octopus was that they thought a toothy crocodile would be “too threatening” for younger members of the audience. That, and they wanted to come up with a new, creative way to torture Hook. (For some reason, Korkis seems to think that the octopus can’t see well because he views Hook and the crew as fish. This is another “fact” which I’m pretty sure is wrong. I always assumed the vision of the characters as fish was just to show that the octopus considered them all potential food, not an actual indication of the creature’s sight…but whatever.)

(6) And last but not least, I have to include Hans and Corey’s takes on Hook as a character because my thoughts on the book wouldn’t be complete without them. I’ve shared some of this before but it bears repeating.

Hans Conried:

“He is a much maligned character. If you read the lines with any sensibility at all, you must have an animus against Peter Pan who could fly, and took outrageous advantage of this one-armed man. Hook was a gentleman. Pan was not. His behavior was bad form.”

Corey Burton:

“He’s the nastiest of Disney’s comical villains. He’s conceited and bombastic and takes great relish in his evil and that makes him really fun to play. Captain Hook is so theatrical, like an old ham actor of the vaudeville and music hall days. It’s not that he really scares anyone because you can see right through all of his bluster. He’s really just scrambling for the recognition afforded Blackbeard and the other great pirates.”

I find it interesting that Burton, though his take on the character is more comedic than Conried’s, still has a rather sympathetic view of Hook—that his attempts at villainy are, in fact, so over-the-top precisely because they are meant to cover up a deep insecurity that he isn’t living up to what everyone expects him to be.

Overall, the book had some fun and interesting bits but wasn’t quite what I was hoping for. I’d love to send Korkis an email and ask him about some of the issues I had with the book and pick his brain. Unfortunately, he just passed away in July of 2023, so that’s no longer an option.

#Jim Korkis #captain hook disney #disney peter pan #captain hook #disney #disney villains #peter pan #Disney parks #return to neverland #corey burton #hans conried #tinkerbell #tinkerbelle #peter pan 1953 #disney history #disney facts #wendy darling

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lastweeksshirttonight · 8 months

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We're back with Strike Force Five episode two, which seems to have randomly dropped at some point after I went to bed on Saturday. I enjoy when podcasts just randomly drop episodes, honestly, makes the whole thing feel more authentically chaotic.

I started listening to this while trying to figure out how to draft for fantasy football. I am not a football fan. I don't follow football. I don't know how to do fantasy. I very much procrastinated on that by doing these notes. My team is graded C- by Yahoo btw, which is two full grades higher than I expected.

Notes under the cut y'all.

This episode opens with Fallon talking about how he forgot his show's shirts glow in the dark. Apparently Billy Crystal tried to sleep in one recently and discovered this; John also noted a time when he was trying to get his infant son to sleep while wearing one of Fallon's shirts and saying it glowed "too well".

The audience for this podcast is obviously 30-something office drones like me. I say this because Atlassian is now running ads during the podcast. They must sense that everyone listening to this has it open in tab one while having their task-overrun Jira boards open in tabs two through five. John also completely "ruins" this ad - which was very on the rails for a decent amount of time! - by suggesting that Atlassian sounds like "one of those plans G. Gordon Liddy had to relect Nixon". Fallon also claims Atlassian is the name of his Fortnite character. (I wonder how my boss feels about both of those lol)

Everyone opens by briefly talking about how many staff they have. Stephen has 210, Kimmel has about 180 + 13 writers + a bunch of crew, Fallon thinks he has 305, and John jokingly says he has 500 people before admitting he misses his legal and research staff. He's ready to say things he thinks are true, instead of "things that are legally defensible".

Stephen: "Would you guys be okay if I had a little Casamigos, I got a bottle right here...?" John: "It's 7:30 in the morning, why not?" Seth: "That's like a 24 ounce 7-11 cup..." I'm so glad this is all in an auditory medium.

John is going to continue shitting on whatever alcohol company he shat on last week, and called it "pond water". I am guessing it's somehow related to Bud Light but that doesn't really track with tequila advertising, so who knows. I have in a past life had Bud Light Margarita in a Bag once, maybe John also suffered that unique hell.

If it IS Bud Light John is talking about, I have no idea how Stephen talking about Budweiser wanting him to be the voice for a Budweiser energy drink/caffeinated beer called B to the E/B 2 the E didn't get cut. This was in about 2001-2002, so well before Four Loko, and the ad copy contained things like "your friends are heading home AND YOU'RE JUST GETTING STARTED!" (John is quietly dying in the background the entire fucking time before Googling if it ever came out. It did! Fallon is flatly like "that's illegal" in a completely baffled tone early on.)

We are 8 minutes into an hour-long podcast. Just informing you, in case you were wondering. Why yes I am obsessed/bad at football why do you ask

Kimmel insists that his early seasons - "for the first eight to eleven years" - were the worst of anyone's on the podcast. He said this after talking about, on his show, Mr. T and Jim Belushi hating each other and almost about to fight each other, his cousin doing pillow-fights early on and causing a catastrophe one episode by fighting Lennox Lewis culminating with Anna Nicole Smith falling into a cake, and another pillow fight with Tom Arnold ruining his suede jacket. I forget that Kimmel is partially of the Jerry Springer era, if not on his late-night show then from his other work, and this just really reminded me of that.

Mariah Carey wanted to be interviewed by Seth Meyers during Christmas in a functional sleigh. John tells a story about watching Watch What Happens Live where Andy Cohen, on live TV by himself, said that Mariah Carey was in the building but would not sit on the side where guests usually sit on his show and was desperately trying to fill time. Mariah seems fun.

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If I had to imagine Hell for Stephen Colbert, it would be "having to fill in for a guest on The Daily Show and turning down an advanced screening of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring". That scenario seems tailor-made to completely destroy him.

I'm glad I remember that Ben and Jerry bit Stephen and Fallon are talking about. I would love to know what this whole explanation sounds like to someone who does not remember the whole "best friends" late night "wars" of the time. Here's the bit btw. (Your daily reminder that the CC website sucks ass.)

I forgot Fallon started his show two weeks before Seth. I must have completely blanked out how quickly all of those hosts changed in 2014 (and then John starting the same year).

I'm with John on this one, "Allen key" makes waaaaaay more sense than "Allen wrench". It's a fucking key! The amount of shit I've had to put together with those goddamn things, it's not a wrench at ALL.

One thing I learned today: chairs are very serious business for most of the hosts. Fallon keeps a chair backstage to see how someone will look in chairs on the set, and to confirm that's okay with the guests. Seth, meanwhile, had chairs that John feel like he was being interviewed to be on Seth's show. And Stephen has all different sizes of chairs, to make everyone feel comfortable when they're on the show. (This is where things go predictably off the rails, as Seth then claims he has chairs that get smaller and smaller to keep guests on their toes.)

John's guest are was the most expensive part of his set, and they never used it. Somehow that doesn't surprise me. I was shocked they have a guest booker, though. (Stephen: "Wow what a cushy gig!")

Kimmel's live show ceased being live when Thomas Jane said "fuck" nineteen times on air and affiliates/censors were mad. Apparently on network you CAN technically say anything past ten p.m., according to Kimmel, but that's not the reality of the situation.

Seth: "People forget about the early 2000s. If you were a sports fan, you would often say, 'I wonder who won the big game... let's watch the Kimmel monologue.'" This is exactly what the 2000s were like, kids.

Seth and Fallon both were told by SNL showrunner Lorne Michaels that it would take them 18 months to get comfortable with their shows and figure out how to use them. Seth definitely felt that was wrong and he'd only take 6 months... but the first time he started the show from behind his desk was almost 18 months to the day from his first episode.

Stephen has an unaired 3-minute opening credits sequence that he wants to show on his last episode if possible. John also had a longer title sequence that he loved, but that his producer said he'd be constantly going over for time and he'd need to cut it down, lest he get continually furious over not having enough time for his actual show.

Fallon talks about how his first interview was with notoriously reticent and quiet Robert DeNiro, who gave Fallon one-word answers for literally everything. John asks if anyone told him he was starting from a high difficulty degree, but is interrupted by Stephen remembering a Space Train sketch in the middle of Fallon's interview featuring DeNiro.

Stephen remembers more about Fallon's show than Fallon does, which is wild. Stephen probably remembers more about everyone's show than they do, based on the first two episodes.

Stephen calling The Colbert Report "a totally different beast and maybe doesn't even fit in this conversation" made me sad. Tell me all the Report gossip!!!

Stephen telling the story of how he made the Public Access Show for Monroe, Michigan prior to doing late night is incredible. I remember watching him and Eminem do that show the day the internet became aware of it, and it is just a fascinating bit of transitional Colbert work. Also, had no idea they took over a real show... or that they got almost 0 viewers for it, lol. Here's the link to the bit, for your viewing pleasure:

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Fallon must realize that John has said literally nothing for a while, because he asks how the first episode of Last Week Tonight went. John actually talks about hosting The Daily Show for three months. He says he'd never interviewed anyone before then (I'm guessing he means that as in "I've never interviewed someone seriously and with the eye of not taking the piss out of them", because he'd done MANY filmed interviews for correspondent pieces before then) and talks about the episode where the power was cut. They taped the episode on a camcorder and had to feed it to Comedy Central through Stephen's office.

Stephen then talks about how his first episode almost doesn't make it to air because it couldn't be exported from Avid. Everyone in the editing bay insists this is fine, and it did end up being fine, but the contrast between how CBS editing works and John having to go to another office to feed a show to Comedy Central is so interesting.

Stephen also kicked down a door after this. Please enjoy this mental image, you freaks.

John and Stephen sharing a bitter laugh over John's joke about Les Moonves in the background is fantastic.

John is the first person to bring up that Ryan Reynolds turned around Wrexham the team AND the city. I really should watch that show.

We now return to Last Week Tonight, which lawyers refused to allow to be live. (Knowing John's comedic sensibilities, I completely understand Legal's stance.) He acknowledges that they had too many ideas going together in the first episodes, including a pre-taped guest. The big thing they learned was that they were doing one show a week, which lead to research coming in throughout the week that undermined their segments, rewriting whole shows on Thursday, and the realization that doing the show that way was completely unsustainable. Having watched those early episodes recently (and I promise I'm still doing that in the background), this context totally explains the franticness and weird pacing early on. Of course things feel more didactic and surface level - they were writing full episodes in two days! The show completely restaffed and changed after year one, and John's "bones were as hollow as a sparrow". He also knew that anyone who didn't like episode one was going to hate episode two, because it was about the death penalty.

Seth's first guests were Amy Poehler and Joe Biden, because they'd been on Parks and Rec together and Biden gladly accepted being after Amy.

Seth's misplaced confidence in his pink eye sketch is very relatable.

Fallon texting everyone that he is basically dying of heat stroke in his room and is trying to leave to save himself is hilarious. Poor Jimmy, he's suffering and getting clowned so hard for it. AND THEN Stephen talks about the opening of Fallon's first episode and all the change he dumped on his desk and him. And Fallon had to run up to the roof with change falling out of his clothes. Again, all this while Fallon is having a heat episode. As John says, "we should rename this 'Asphyxiating Jimmy Fallon'."

Fallon is also vaguely losing his mind and forgets he can talk on a podcast, because he keeps texting the others his thoughts.

They actually address the hosting schedule! Next episode, Stephen is hosting. After that, it's John (I'm excited for the inevitable LMFAO retrospective and/or extensive discussion of penii on rooves), then "James Theodore Fallon".

Thank you for reading this ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE BLOCK OF TEXT I'm so sorry that this is apparently my niche right now, thousands of words on a 45 min to 1 hr podcast featuring five white guys. One day the John pictures will again outnumber my blatherings, I promise.

#strike force five #jimmy kimmel #jimmy fallon #stephen colbert #john oliver #seth meyers #lee has strong feelings about allen keys and wrenches #my gif #sang that in my head to the tune of my girl #my gif my gif my giiiiiif talkin boooout my giiiif (MYGIF!)#long post #Youtube

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houseofbrat · 1 month

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They should have never let Catherine take the blame for the photo altering. Even if she did alter it herself, it only adds to everyone’s suspicion. I think she felt the need to put a photo out quickly and it backfired. Why didn’t the RP cover for her photo blunder?

Right. Literally anything would’ve been better than her of all people personally taking the fall for this! William would’ve been better, a random, unnamed intern would’ve been better, one of the kids fucking with the computer lmao idk. Just such a strange strange tweet to send out.

Someone should call KP and tell them we’re on mega thread #4 over here and we can’t have our mods getting sick from the “stress and fallout”, so just trot her out for a second or an audio message or even just a true statement sans doctored photos. And if she’s too unwell for that well gee maybe a smidge of transparency would gain them public support back . Nobody wants her medical info , just them to stop acting shady and disrespectful. She can have her privacy and also stop the shiftiness and theatrics. Unlike Reddit mods, the BRF gets paid.

I think Kate is refusing to play ball. It's entirely possible she's had setbacks in her recovery or drew a line in the sand and said "I'm out until x/y/z date, so quit pushing," but this is a woman who's been in the public eye for 20 years. She knows how the media vultures and gossip mill operate. The speculation has now turned dark. We're getting everything from she's passed and they're covering it up, to she was injured in an 'incident.' Papers are running articles on William's rage issues. Kate could easily clear this up but she's choosing not to. It leads me to believe she's pissed at her husband and is enjoying watching him squirm.

Just found out my best friend has independently fallen down the rabbit hole—which just illustrates how out of control this has gotten.

we’re both thinking it’s just a series of ‘own goals’ but are seriously hoping Catherine makes an appearance at Easter. If not, I think KP will have to make yet another announcement, and given how inept they’ve been, it’ll probably just make things even worse.

I’m just hoping she’s chilling with her kiddos, and is either not paying attention to the whole debacle or is highly amused by the shenanigans.

I would think that she is making an appearance at Easter but then wonder why KP wanted it to be known that she isn’t confirmed the attend Trooping of the Colour? Which was stupid on their part tbh

Princess Diana’s former private secretary on the matter from a CNN interview.

He’s kinda repetitious but still clear enough. He comes out critical of William for poor communications. Williams’s office created the vacuum of information which fueled the interest which fueled the out sized interest and the conspiracy theories.)

They definitely mishandled this situation. Supposedly Prince William just got a new private secretary. Hopefully they get a proper PR team again soon. While I’m not on team conspiracy theories and believe what has happened is exactly what we heard (Catherine had major surgery and is now recovering), they were way in over their heads in how they handled this.

Crazily, her secretary, Patrick Jephson, was my neighbor 8 years ago, super nice and very genuine guy. I definitely put stock in his POV.

This has been extremely poorly managed by KP. They’ve done irreparable harm to their image. The pressure they are now under for the next step/stage/messaging is immense. This is a defining moment for the royal family. Charles is not well, to what extent is not known. Kate is MIA and now three very questionable ‘proof of life’ photos have been released. The state of Will and Kate’s marriage is under a serious spotlight. It’s an information black hole. VERY rocky overall.

Charles and Kate are unwell. That is all. Kate is obsessed with her looks and image and she doesn’t want to be pictured looking anything but perfect that’s all. She will be back once she is looking like her old self. I honestly don’t believe the marriage in trouble stuff. Kate will never leave William that too so close to becoming the Queen? No chance.

Is it possible, in light of everything that has occurred so far, that Charles is letting Will have enough rope so Charles can use this PR disaster as his excuse to shutdown Kensington Palace office so everyone falls under his office at BP? Get rid of Will's staff and his vanity projects so he has to get on with the everyday drudgery that being a royal entails? It's not just film premieres and photo ops. It's hands on in the community at events with little or no fanfare. Service rather than PR grandstanding.

With no more competing offices, Charles can have his people oversee everything. That at least might get some consistency.

I kind of doubt it. William has the duchy money now. He can spend it however he wants.

I believe the most significant thing is that - at the very beginning of this whole story- the surgery wasn’t planned at all… she had the agenda full of duties, included a trip to Italy… The narrative from the Palace was inconsistent from the first day.

Reposting, because I think my comment got removed.

My takeaway from all the conspiracy theories floating around out there is that no matter what the truth is, look at what the main themes have become. Essentially, there are several theories about Will's behaviour and being a less than stellar husband. Also, the feeling that KP cannot be trusted. No matter what the truth is, the fact that these are the themes that have emerged is interesting.

William has based his entire reputation on being a nice protective family man. He doesn’t really have any other accomplishments or character traits that the public cares about. He put all his eggs were in the good dad/husband basket. Somehow, the Harry & Meghan crisis only bolstered that image. Now Stephen Colbert is doing bits about his alleged affairs, and all the normies know about his anger issues. Now personally, I’m the kind of person who thinks where there’s smoke, there’s fire. But even if there aren’t any flames here, Kategate has done some massive damage to Will’s reputation.

KP PR team is giving toxic boymom energy. Anything to protect their precious son.

Is anybody else getting annoyed at all the normies acting like Rose is William’s Camilla? I mean, maybe she is. Maybe they never even slept together. We don’t really know. But the assumption is getting on my nerves. Not every side chick is a Camilla!!

My mum calls my dads best friend (another straight male) his Camilla.

I was filling in my husband about this mess, and his comment was that he thinks maybe the PR team WANTS this drama unfolding because it keeps the royals in the news. Like essentially, "all press is good press." What does this community think? I was inclined to think that as the figurehead of a political state and a future king, Charles and William really can't afford this type of bad press, especially about DV. Obviously, the royal family do bring in money and tourism for the country, and part of that has always been an uneasy relationship with paparazzi and gossip rags, but given that QE II is gone and there are a lot of people who find them irrelevant and an unfair state subsidy, I think this would be a terrible PR move. Thoughts? Could their PR team be milking this?

Their PR team are likely pulling their hair out. "All press is good press" applies to celebrities who need to keep their names front and center to remain celebrities. The Palaces never want bad press. I think the issue is that William is incredibly stubborn and won't listen to their advice.

I've never been the type of girl to need closure when things come to an end, but if the season finale to this saga doesn’t answer every single question and include some bombshells I’d never even consider, I’m going to cry.

“She deserves her privacy, though!” Shut up, we’re all here for the same reason.

I just find it hilarious that the most interesting thing Kate has ever done in her life is disappear.

The whole ''she went shopping and we saw it, trust me bro'' thing is bad for them any way you look at it.

Either she wasn't really seen shopping and the story was completely fabricated with colaboration from the media, which would be pretty sinister and in line with everything else we've been getting lately, and at the least it would be a very North Korean-esque way of deceiving the public.

She actually did went shopping, was in ''public'' no matter how limited and controlled the public was, which means that she's physically capable + her face isn't bad or disfigured or whatever, as some people have suggested. Which portrays her as very irresponsible and weirdly uninterested in keeping up her image and popularity. Amidst all those very damaging rumors that could directly influence and traumatize even her children (forget about adults and public), she has time and will for shopping but not for a 10 second video, which is everything needed to dispell all the rumors once and for all?

All in all, terrible PR one way or another. The clusterfuck continues.

Do they actually think it’s a good look that she went shopping on St Paddy’s Day? She’s involved with the Irish guards and cancelled her appearance at their annual event… so she can’t work but she can pop out to the shops with Willy? Sure, Jan. Just fuck the Irish guards then right?! I mean, not that I remotely believe she went shopping. But another terrible PR bungle. These KP PR people are fucking idiots and I don’t understand why they still have jobs when they’re so clearly incompetent.

Even if she wasn't capable of attending a quick video message expressing her good wishes for the Irish guards etc etc would have worked wonders in terms of restoring good feeling towards them from the public and simultaneously would have quieted the conspiracy theorists. I don't buy she wasn't well enough to do a simple 1 minute video but was perfectly happy with a trip to the shops and watching sports with the kids where she would have been seen and possibly photographed. My personal view is that the trip to the shop didn't happen. There's no way that there's not a SINGLE snap taken on a mobile phone that's made it's way to social media.

I'm continually amazed at how badly the Waleses are botching all of this.

To be clear, I've been a royal watcher since they got engaged in 2010, and I'd definitely fall into more into the "fan" camp than not.

I've thought the conspiracy theories about all of this are nonsense. And even now after "Photogate", I STILL think they're nonsense and that what is happening is what they said - Catherine had serious surgery and needs time to recover.

But the artificially constructed Mother's Day photo is such a huge unforced error, made worse by Catherine then taking the fall for it.

Catherine's clearly not ready to show her actual face as it looks right now, and that's fine.

But then don't fake a picture! Post a quick video of William and the kids making breakfast in bed for Catherine for Mother's Day, or making cards or something. It'd still have the conspiracy theorists buzzing about why we're not seeing her, but it'd have been SO much better received by the general public than what they did.

She's absolutely entitled to her privacy, especially while she recovers. But the deal that the Royal Family has had with the press for decades now is that they get privacy most of the time in exchange for occasional, official, REAL pictures. It's clueless at best - and outright deceptive at worst - to do something like this and think no one will notice or care.

With the farmer’s market story, I’m even more convinced that Kate’s story is a red herring and there is something else happening they don’t want people to notice or know about.

This is still so odd. Either something is up (and I have no knowledge and make no inferences as to what or why) or a lot of people are profoundly bad at their jobs. Ok, the photoshop happens. Then they lie about it, even when they are trying to apologize for it. Why not put out a quick official and genuine photo of just her. If she isn't ready for camera's yet, put out a voice recorded statement saying, "I appreciate everyone's interest in my well being. Rest assured I am recovering well and I look forward to returning to my royal duties as soon as I am able". They could so easily kill all of this speculation and non-sense if things are as they say they are (she is taking car rides and shopping and up out and about). It would literally take 1 hour of her time at most, and instead KP's continued silence invites more speculation. You know what happens in physics why you make a vacuum? It gets filled. The same happens in the media/press. So again I say, either something is up (and I have no grounds with which to speculate what it might be) or this is the absolute worst PR advice and self-made crisis in recent memory.

Edit: Grammar

I joked about this in one of the earlier megathreads, but what if the *plot twist* in all of this is that Kate handles her own PR. I just remember when they got married how one of the little factoids that came out was that Kate did her own makeup for the wedding day. Like, royals! They're just like us!

Can someone answer why Royal Rota media are publishing these pics if there is a deal that they don't publish unauthorized photographs or was this a planned pap walk LOL? Is there a thread somewhere talking about this. I was listening to the Times (UK) Radio on YouTube today and the Assistant Editor for the paper (Kate Mansey) was unfairly criticizing listeners as strange people who are conspiracy theorists and says there isn't a pact or agreement that the family has with the media...yeah right LOL (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIKUvQB2Z_M). Have these people read about the Royal Rota and the unprecedented-in-the-modern-era pacts the royal family has made with the British media.

If the British media are posting it its because they got the ok to do so.

Their PR team needs to pick a lane. On one hand they're selling that Kate is healthy enough to be out and about twice in one weekend, walking around a farmer's market, watching her kids play sports, but on the other she's unwell to the point she had to fake a Mother's Day pic and pull out of an event in June? Which is it? Their messaging is all over the place.

I hope that if we all take away one thing from this whole ordeal its that no matter how bad at your job you might think you are, you're still probably doing better than the KP PR team over the last couple of weeks so give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done and don't be so harsh on yourself.

what gets me and i know royal fans will call me a conspiracy theorist is that it's kinda obvious there's a story here. the impact or actual matter of it isn't what i'm questioning, but the motivation behind so many blunders. i am a writer/journalist and this entire story feels weirdly on edge of being something, anything.

like yes, let's presume kp was truthful from the beginning and she had abdominal surgery that took too long to recover from. great, but why throw her under the bus? or if all of this is a distraction, overplayed to the nines, what for?

i am sure any tea is probably regular people tea to the max, like relationship dynamics, family stuff and whatnot. it's not like i believed she was killed and it was hidden, but usually when there's smoke there's fire and i'm curious about what fire, you know?

i would love to be a fly on the wall and know what they disagree about, their relationship with staff and other royals.

i find kate stylish and their wedding hype was charming, if a little gauche. i am against royals in general, not specifically them, but they could be great philanthropists if they wanted.

the thing with Kate's personality (in public) is that it's nonexistent? i suppose that's the ideal, princess-like behavior that's expected from her. but i do wonder what happens behind the scenes with that. how curated it is x how many other blunders happened before.

The story seems to be that Will and Kate are going to find it much, much harder to be the center of the slimmed down monarchy than they realized. Though if it turned out that they’d never really thought about how that was going to work on practice, I would believe you. There aren’t as many working royals so the attention is on them, whether they want it to be or not. The disappearing and the stonewalling isn’t super unusual for Will and Kate, though not previously to this extent, but we’ll see if they make any changes moving forward. Judging from how this debacle has dragged on, I am guessing they won’t.

Well, I for one am very impressed by Kate's ability to emerge from her grueling 3 month surgical recovery looking like a radiant, bouncy 25 year old yoga instructor who doesn't have a care in the world.

#my gif #reddit #patrick jephson #media #british royal family #William The Prince of OWN GOALS #William The Terrible #William The Weak #prince william #William The Prince of Wales #kate middleton #Catherine The Princess of Wales #kensington palace #palace officials #pr games #strategery #PR fail #MESS!

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