#the evil stuff was all of our friends who looking back were so insanely jealous of our friendship for no reason | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zalrb · 1 year

Text

valentine’s day {elena/stefan/katherine fic pt. 2}

Link to Pt. 1: https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/707929608286240768/toxic-elenastefankatherine-fic

[The ending is purposefully abrupt]

“This is probably the best Galentine’s Day I’ve put together,” said Caroline, laughing, taking a sip of her mimosa.

She, Bonnie and Elena were sitting outside a cafe, enjoying brunch, balloons tied to their chairs and table.

Bonnie laughed. “Caroline, you know you didn’t come up with Galentine’s Day, you saw it on Parks and Rec like everybody else who celebrates it.”

“But I perfected it,” said Caroline seriously. “They did breakfast yesterday. Why should we not celebrate our friendship on the actual day? The boys can have the evening but brunch is for us, Valentine’s Day or not.”

“Well, you don’t know when Valentine’s Day starts for some people, what if there was breakfast sex?”

Caroline looked at Elena. “Did our Galentine’s Day brunch interfere with breakfast sex, Elena?”

Elena furrowed her eyebrows. “What? No--”

“I was talking about me,” said Bonnie.

Elena mimed vomiting the same time Caroline cheered. Elena hit Bonnie playfully on the arm.

“That’s my brother, Bonnie.”

Bonnie shrugged. “He provides a very good service.”

“Ugh,” said Elena.

“You know what, you were a little late to brunch,” said Caroline.

Bonnie fluffed her hair and gave a knowing smile. “Yeah, well....”

Elena shuddered. “Please stop.”

Caroline giggled and clinked champagne glasses with Bonnie.

“Honestly, Elena, I’m surprised that wasn’t on the menu for you today,” said Caroline. “Doesn’t Damon still do--” she paused, gagging, “-- sex coupons?”

“Well, yeah...”

And he did indeed try to get her to cash one in that morning but Elena had been too preoccupied to indulge him, thinking of all the possible ways Stefan could’ve been spending Valentine’s Day morning with her evil, seemingly impossible to kill or get rid of, doppelganger.

“But that’s not all he does, you know, he can be romantic,” said Elena.

Bonnie raised her eyebrows. “Really?”

“Sure,” said Elena, nodding. “He does stuff, movie stuff, like... a violinist playing for us at a secluded dinner or a midnight picnic on the clock tower.”

“Oh, OK that sounds sweet,” Bonnie offered, looking at Caroline who shrugged lazily in concession.

“Sure,” said Caroline. “So then what’s been your best Valentine’s Day? Clock tower?”

Elena didn’t say anything but glanced at Bonnie who nodded in understanding.

“Oh,” she said.

Caroline looked from Bonnie to Elena and back again. “What do you mean ‘oh’?”

“So, Bon,” said Elena. “What else are you going to do today besides taking my brother’s innocence?”

“We’re going to have a really nice candlelit dinner later on tonight. He’s going to cook and I’m going to provide the candles.”

“Sweet,” said Elena.

“No, no, back up. What’s ‘oh’?” said Caroline. “I don’t know your best Valentine’s Day.”

“It’s nothing,” said Elena.

“Obviously it’s not nothing. I thought we were past this whole you two leaving me out of stuff thing. Why aren’t you telling me?”

Bonnie reached over and took Caroline’s hand in hers. “Because you would be insane with jealousy. I was even jealous.”

“How petty do you think I am?” said Caroline. “I am your best friend, Elena, if you had a fairytale Valentine’s Day experience, I should know about it, it’s my right.”

Elena shot Bonnie an exasperated but amused look and Bonnie just grinned, shrugging in response.

“Fine, fine,” said Elena. “It was with...” She could barely say his name, not after the last time they talked -- a conversation that had shattered her. “It was with Stefan,” she managed to say. “When he took me to New York.”

“Wait a minute, you told me about this,” said Caroline. “He took you for a night on the town.”

“Yeah, but not exactly how I described.”

It had been a two-day affair. Stefan hadn’t flown to New York with her but had a car waiting for her at the airport. A key was already waiting for her at the hotel and when she checked into the suite, in the middle of the room, there was a ballgown draped on a mannequin: blush pink, a fitted bodice, a ruched, off-the-shoulder neckline with taffeta and tulle --- the real deal. Before Elena had the chance to do more than marvel at the sheer drama of the dress, there was a knock on the door. She smiled and rushed to open it, only to see ---

“Jenna?” Not who she was expecting. “Uh, what are you doing here?”

“Well,” she said, making her way into the suite. “My dating life is so pathetic that I have nothing better to do on Valentine’s Day than act as my niece’s chaperone.”

Elena furrowed her eyebrows. “Chaperone?”

“At Stefan’s request,” she said, looking around the suite, nodding her head appreciatively at the fresh flowers, the lacquered doors, the chandelier.

Elena shook her head slightly. “I am so lost.”

Jenna smiled, reached into her purse and then took out an envelope, handing it to Elena. She opened it.

“A ball?” Elena exclaimed, reading the invitation. “He’s taking me to a ball? Stefan?”

“A themed ball,” Jenna confirmed.

“Like a Valentine’s Day ball?” That sounded even less like him.

“Like a Victorian-esque ball with all of the outfits and the etiquette, hence the chaperone,” said Jenna, gesturing to herself. “Though I will not be a chaperone for the entire night, once you two find each other, I will be firmly hands off.”

Elena could barely speak. Once, she’d asked Stefan if he would enter a dance competition or get staked repeatedly for an hour and it took him a minute to answer.

“OK. So, then, what are you planning to do?”

“Well obviously, I’ll be having a few dances of my own and will land a baron before the night is over.”

Elena nodded. “Of course.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ve got my own room, not on this floor, that would be awkward, but speaking of rooms...” Jenna gestured around. “How can he afford this and my suite?”

“Uh... You know the Salvatores. Founding Family money,” she said.

“If this is Founding Family money, I have no idea what we have. I don’t even think the Lockwoods could swing this,” said Jenna. “Either way, This hotel, this suite, this dress? That boy loves you.”

He did. This was massive and extravagant, so unlike him, but the intimacy of the night, the way it was catered to her, well, that had him all over it.

From time to time, she’d asked Stefan what life was like in certain decades, marveling at the sheer number of years he’d been on the earth, the things he was alive for, the inventions he’d experienced when they were first made, and a few months ago when watching Pride and Prejudice during a girls’ night with Bonnie and Caroline, she texted Stefan about balls. She’d asked him if they’d been similar to the ones in England, if he could remember ones before the one he went to with Katherine. She told him she’d wished she could’ve gone to one with him, a real one, but didn’t think he remembered their conversation.

“So, he’s meeting us there?”

“I guess so,” said Jenna. “With you being unmarried and all, it’d be improper if he went with you.”

Elena bit her lip, excited.

It had taken forever to get ready. Jenna curled and pinned and braided and coiffed Elena’s hair, and then the two of them helped each other with the corsets and the hoops and the layers of petticoats.

When it was time to leave, they pretended not to hear the gasps or see the expressions of amazed confusion as they glided through the hall to the ride waiting for them out front.

The car had taken them to a massive Georgian manor covered in ivy where Elena and Jenna joined a line of other bedecked ladies, invitation in hand. Once inside, they exchanged their invitations for another piece of paper before being directed to another room.

“Oh, I think this is a dance card for you,” said Jenna.

“A dance card?”

“Yeah, see? When a suitor asks you to dance and you agree, they put down their name next to the name of the dance. No impulsivity in that era,” said Jenna to herself.

Elena giggled and tried to see if she could spot Stefan before following Jenna and the other women into a cloak room to put away her shawl and coat.

The ballroom was massive and Elena looked around the room, at the sea of black suits, trying to spot that familiar face. The moment she started getting anxious, she saw him, coming toward her. Jenna made an approving noise.

“Your boyfriend cleans up nice.”

Elena couldn’t respond, she was too busy taking him in, and wondered if she was actually, literally going to swoon. She could never resist Stefan in a suit

but broad-shouldered and all sharp, defined lines in full dress, with a hint of smoulder in his stare, Elena felt a giddy weakness that dizzied her and could overcome her at any moment, making her buckle and collapse. She was sure the only reason she managed to stay upright was because she didn’t want to miss him even for a second.

“And who is he bringing with him?” said Jenna, intrigued.

Elena had been so focused on Stefan, she didn’t realize that there was another man accompanying him --- a date for Jenna. She smiled to herself -- he’d thought of everything.

Stefan stood a few feet away from her, bowed, motioning with his hand and looking up at her, his expression a combination of mischief and total commitment and asked, “Will you favor me with your hand for this or the next dance?”

Elena bit on the inside of her lip to keep from smiling too widely but knew it was probably a losing battle and that she most likely looked like a grinning dork. Stefan remained slightly bent and Elena realized he would stay that way until she gave an answer.

“With pleasure,” she said finally.

He then held out his hand for her card and then wrote his name at the top.

“Just one dance?” she asked.

He wrote his name again.

“There’s only one name I want to see on that card,” she said.

Stefan grinned and filled up the card. He bent his arm and she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow. As they approached the dance floor, she clutched nervously onto his arm. “I don’t know how to waltz, like actually waltz.”

He whispered back, his voice in her ear. “Follow my lead.”

Chills erupted all over her body.

A trumpet sounded, signalling to the guests that it was time to get ready. The band played and they danced among dozens of other pairs, spinning and gliding on the floor.

During their third dance, Elena could feel that they were being watched, that others wanted a chance with her, yes, but mostly women wanted a chance with him, ensnared by the poise and the elegance, yet Stefan never took his eyes off her.

She was held captive to his green eyes, he seduced her with his gaze, with the way every so often, his fingers would gently caress hers, the way their noses would brush or his hand would gently squeeze the small of her back;

little touches, focused gazes, intermittent whispers of how beautiful she looked that spurred in her a desire for him that was becoming increasingly unbearable with each passing moment.

She was torn: she wanted to stay there, in his arms, all night, and she also wanted to waste the night away, still in his arms, but naked.

“Stefan, this is amazing,” she said. “This is,” she laughed. “But it’s — I can’t — this must’ve cost — this is so much.”

He shook his head and didn’t speak right away. “We were meant to meet when we did and I would have it no other way, but now that I’m with you, now that I know what that’s like, a part of me does wish that I’d met you then, in this decade, that I’d spent every decade of my life with you and this is just … I don’t know, one way to do that.”

Elena breathed out — she knew which want she’d give into.

“I need to talk to you,” she whispered.

He looked at her, a hint of concern in his eyes, before he nodded and they left the dance floor.

When they walked out of the ballroom into a hallway, she turned and kissed him with such zeal he was flattened against the wall. A quick noise of surprise sounded from his throat and then transformed into a moan when he deepened the embrace

his hand on her neck, sliding up beneath her chin, she gripped his wrist, burying herself in him, drowning in him and then --- air.

They pulled away. He exhaled deeply, blinking rapidly, stunned and sagging a bit against the wall. Elena felt slightly drunk, her head was swimming, her skin flushed, and a deep, low ache throbbed incessantly.

He asked if she wanted to stay, suggested that they go back to the suite, and through the pleasant buzz that had taken over her mind, she felt herself shake her head frantically. He didn’t understand her urgency, she needed him now.

Before she knew what she was doing, she took his hand, and as she started to walk, she turned back to look at him, her eyes purposeful and clouded with a roaring lust but felt her chest flutter when he returned her gaze with a primal focus that told her he felt what she felt.

She was suddenly dazed and could barely feel her feet as she walked. Still, she led him through the corridor like she knew every inch of this mansion she’d never once set foot in and the first room she looked in — a study with a chaise, a desk, and built-in bookcases for walls — was empty.

Elena led Stefan inside and he pulled her toward him, turning so that her back was against a bookcase next to the door, his mouth on her, all over her, making her sigh and moan. He was kissing her neck, grazing his lips across her shoulder, her collarbone, she put her hand on the back of his head, ruffling his hair, guiding him to her cleavage, gasping and laughing when he tenderly bit her and tried to pull down her sleeves so he could access more of her skin.

She brought him back up to her and kissed him again, moaning in his mouth,

as he pressed her to him, moving her slightly away from the bookcase so he could start unlacing her gown, his fingers moving rapidly as she nipped the bottom of his ear with her teeth, kissed along his jaw, sucking on the underside of his chin. Elena started to tremble and shake with impatience — God, how many laces were there? — her body quivering in frustration, as she whined softly with the need to have him, she was on the verge of having a tantrum.

When the gown pooled at her waist, Stefan flipped Elena around, pressing her front against the bookcase to loosen her corset. He started undoing those laces as he kissed the nape of her neck, his lips whispers on the skin of her back and Elena grabbed onto a book as she arched. He slipped one hand to the front, cupping her breast and she reached behind her, trying to touch him, just some part of him. The corset fell away. Now he ---

Elena couldn’t take it anymore and turned back around, kissing him, biting and sucking his lower lip, quickly loosening his tie, helping undo the buttons of his pants, as she guided him over to the chaise.

She pushed him onto it and he stared up at her as he started lifting her layers, and she helped him, her hands hastily bunching up the fabric so she could sit astride him.

The hoop skirt made it awkward but she was past the point of return. She reached down to take a hold of his readiness, eliciting an appreciative groan from him that compelled her to kiss him as she guided him into her, the contact making her moan.

She held onto the shelves above them, her fingers digging into the books as they gyrated together, as he angled himself to move deeper in her. Still, there were too many obstacles, too many things keeping her from having him as deeply and fully as she wanted to, she was greedy, she wanted him all, wanted him bare, and this tryst only served to whet her appetite, she ----

Caroline cleared her throat, blinking at her and Elena pulled herself out of her memory, realizing that she’d lost herself in describing just how hot the whole thing was.

For a few seconds, no one spoke.

“So, you’re telling me,” said Caroline, “that Stefan wasted no expense and swept you away to New York, took you to an actual ball where you had crazy hot library sex a la Atonement, which, by the way, is probably one of the most romantic movies of all time ---”

“Well, not exactly like Atonement, it wasn’t actually against the bookcase ---”

“ --- and then you went back to a suite where you had more crazy, hot sex and then you had a post-Valentine’s Day New York trip, which is what you told me happened on actual Valentine’s Day, but that was a bonus and for Secret Santa I got a snow globe?”

Bonnie pushed her lips to the side in thought. “Well, he wasn’t going to give you crazy hot Atonement sex.”

Caroline looked at her who pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh.

Elena cleared her throat and kept a straight face. “He just really didn’t know what to get you...”

Caroline shook her head. “That dick.”

Damon searched through his closet while speaking on the phone. “Yes, white doves, if they aren’t white, they’re just pigeons. Why would I want a bunch of pigeons released when my girl walks onto the terrace?”

He picked out the suit he was going to wear to the dinner that night. “Great, bye.” He hung up. “Idiots,” he muttered.

He tossed the suit and the phone on his bed and walked over to the bar and poured himself a drink. After taking a sip, he sighed. “So, you and Stefan are doing overnights now, huh?”

Katherine stood in the doorway, her arms crossed. “Does it bother you that the only reason why you know it’s me is because you know exactly where Elena is so it’s virtually impossible for you to be confused?”

“She’d also never dress like such a slut.”

“Oh, how proud she must be to date such a feminist.”

Damon shrugged. “I went to a march once in the ’60s. Kind of a drag.”

“Charming,” said Katherine. “Seriously, though, I heard you on the phone, you’re going all out tonight, the doves, the private chef.” Katherine walked farther into the room. “Makes a girl wonder.”

Damon rolled his eyes and put the glass on his desk. “About what?”

“What it would be like, if you were making those plans for me.”

Damon laughed without humour. “OK.”

“Don’t be so dismissive. I remember what it’s like to be doted on by you, to be worshiped by you. My life hasn’t been the same without it.”

“Well unfortunately, that train has left the station. I hate you now, it’s kind of my thing.”

“You only hate me because I hurt you.”

“I got over that a long time ago, sister.”

Katherine smiled, shaking her head. “Damon, you spent 145 years loving me, that doesn’t just go away simply because you’re dating my carbon copy.”

Damon scoffed. “You sound jealous.”

Katherine shrugged. “Maybe I am.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Words I never thought I’d hear Katherine Pierce say. Jealous of Elena Gilbert.”

“Of Elena? No,” said Katherine, “Of you and Elena … maybe.”

Damon looked at her, visibly trying to piece together the angle she was working. “Why would you be jealous of me and Elena?”

Katherine was in front of him now, her eyes searching his, her eyebrows furrowed with curiosity.

“So if I came to you now, after all of these years, after everything I’ve done.” She inched closer to Damon and put her hands on his shoulders. “And I told you I was wrong about all of it, that every time I’ve lied to you...” She put her hands on either side of his face, “Every time I’ve hurt you, abandoned you, that I’ve regretted it, I just wouldn’t let myself feel it. If I told you that, you wouldn’t care?”

Damon gulped but said nothing. Katherine started brushing away his hair.

“And what if I told you...” She caressed the outline of his face with her finger, “that I made the wrong choice.”

She could see his eyes flash slightly, “that I’ve been chasing the wrong Salvatore, that it should’ve been you all along, that I wasted all this time on the lesser brother, when it’s so clearly you...” Damon exhaled slightly. “You wouldn’t care?”

Damon watched as Katherine slowly inched toward him. She was lying, he knew she was lying, she had to be lying … right? He didn’t move ---

In an instant, he was thrown to the ground, Stefan on top of him, gripping his shirt.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”

Stefan grabbed Damon and moved again, slamming him against the wall, making the wood crack.

“Get off of me!” Damon wrenched away from Stefan.

“Elena doesn’t deserve this, Damon!”

Damon pushed him away. “NOTHING HAPPENED.”

Katherine hopped up on Damon’s desk, crossing her legs. She smiled and started to finish his drink.

“Katherine’s back for five minutes and she’s already in your head?”

“Spare me the sanctimonious speech, Stefan, you’re the one screwing her!”

“I don’t have anything to lose,” said Stefan. “You have Elena! What the hell is the matter with you?”

“I said nothing happened!”

“What was about to happen?”

“Nothing! She’s a liar, I saw right through her!”

Stefan’s eyes hardened and Damon made up his face, indignant.

“Don’t ripper out me, nothing fucking happened!”

Stefan shook his head. “Get out of here.”

“It’s my room,” said Damon.

“Go find Elena! It’s Valentine’s Day! Don’t you have pigeons to look after?”

“DOVES.” Damon grabbed his suit and phone off the bed and headed to the door. “Don’t fuck up my room,” he muttered.

When Stefan faced Katherine, she was still on Damon’s desk, smirking and a rush of hatred surged through Stefan. The thought of her causing Elena anymore pain, of her twisting Damon up to do it, fueled his harsh desire to want her gone, want her dead; he hated her for her ability to mess everything up, to mess the people that he loved up. And then there was that twinge, that annoyingly persistent spasm of jealousy that had been part of the reason he threw Damon to the ground, that was now igniting another, smaller desire, to possess her without a second thought and he hated himself for that part even existing. So, all he could do was pace.

“Tell me,” she said. “When you saw us together just then, who was it that you wanted to kill, me or him?”

Stefan’s anger made him speak low and slowly, the pretense of calmness. “This is so predictable, Katherine, the minute you get bored, you stir shit up for your amusement? You don’t have any new tricks?”

“Why, when my old ones serve me so well?”

“Really because it didn’t work this time, did it? Because this isn’t 1864, you don’t have the two of us on leashes.”

“You on a leash?” Katherine shivered and let out a small squeal of delight. “Don’t tempt me, Stefan.”

Stefan opened and closed his hands in an effort to contain his emotions. “If you were ever going to take anything seriously in your life let it be this, if you try to get into Damon’s head and do anything to hurt Elena, I will send you back to hell!”

Katherine threw the glass she was holding against the wall and Stefan flinched in surprise more than anything else. The mischievousness and playfulness in her expression replaced with rage.

“Elena, Elena, Elena your one-track mind, that’s what starting to get boring, Stefan.” She jumped off the desk and strode up to him, speaking furiosuly. “And you don’t want to see the kind of amusement I’ll drum up for myself when I’m actually bored.”

“What are you doing, trying to threaten me into loving you? Can’t compel me anymore so you resort to extortion? Fuck you!”

“No, fuck you, Stefan! All this vile coming out of your mouth is just because we both know here is where you want to be and it’s about time you accepted it!”

Stefan shook his head. This was sick. She was sick. He was sick. “Not anymore because I’m done.” He pointed at her. “I’m fucking done with you!” He turned to leave and then ducked, missing a lamp that was thrown.

“I’m not done!” Katherine yelled.

He whirled around, eyes blazing with rage. “TOO BAD.”

“If I’m not done, you’re not done either!”

Stefan put his hand to his forehead. He was going out of his mind. “Katherine. You can’t hold me hostage!”

“You still feel it between us and you and I both know the lengths I’ll go to to prove that to you. Damon is collateral damage and I couldn’t give a flying fuck about Elena but I will wrap him around my finger and use him whichever way I please, how many times I want, wherever I like because I know it will drive you crazy!”

#stelena #steferine #the vampire diaries #stefan salvatore #elena gilbert #katherine pierce #dobsley #stelena fanfiction #steferine fanfiction

65 notes · View notes

faunusrights · 3 years

Text

yeah, all i got is this belly button lint: a happy huntresses short fic

wrote this real quick because i love thinking about the random crap fiona has in her Inventory(tm). also i just like thinking about these clowns in general, so,

"Okay, so, what's actually in your Semblance right now?" Joanna asks one day in third year, when Fiona and May have sneaked away to Robyn's dorm to lose at cards and help edit her new batch of flyers promoting union creation in the workplace. Fiona had given a couple a look and accepted them as good enough, but May is weirdly exacting about her standards and is currently trying to convince Robyn to nudge the text headers over by ten pixels to the right. That's why, as she's sat on the floor and wrapped up in the drama of watching Robyn try and slowly fail to ignore May's insistent pleas for her to boot up her editor, Fiona's caught just a little bit off-guard by the question.

"My Semblance?" she asks, and Joanna nods all serious-like from her place on the bunk above Robyn. Joanna often looks very serious, because she suffers from what Robyn calls resting thoughtful bitch face, so sometimes it's hard to gauge how actually serious about something she really is. "I mean, it's probably a mess in there right now."

"I keep forgetting you actually use it like storage space," Robyn adds cheerfully, having now progressed onto shoving May away from her laptop computer every time she tries to creep closer. "Since most Semblances are, y'know, combat-only things or like... special occasions, I guess. And yet here you are, telling people you really don't need a bag for all your groceries!"

It is fun to flex on all the people struggling to carry like six bags to their car or their home, and Fiona preens. "Yeah, it's nice. I mostly keep things in it that I'd wanna have in an emergency, but it's been a while since I last sorted through it, so, who knows what garbage I've put in there."

"Tell me Robyn's braincell is in there too," May says imploringly, still trying to slide an arm around Robyn to get at the keyboard, but Fiona just shakes her head. She can't and won't be blamed for that particular disappearance any time soon. Instead, she rubs her hands together, scrunching up her face as she tests the edges of the Semblance. It's a funny thing, a Semblance like this--she never really has to think about it, but it's always just in reach, like this extra weight in her chest that she can totally forget about. It's strange to think about, so she often just doesn't.

"Okay," she starts, and she goes for the biggest item she can sense, which is an easy one to explain. In her hands materialises an acoustic guitar, worn and scuffed with age, and this attracts to attention of every girl in the room. "Well, this one's easy. This is my guitar, and honestly? If I ever leave it behind in the meatspace and don't pick it up on my way out the door, know that you've just seen my evil clone and you have to kill her."

Joanna blinks, and Robyn seems caught between asking about the guitar, the evil clone, and also the fact that Fiona insists on referring to the physical world as the meatspace. So, she does as Robyn does best, and settles on an expletive. "Shit! You play?"

"Been playing since I was... like seven? Something like that." Fiona shrugs, because she really can't be sure; her first vague memory of even seeing this guitar was a long time ago, her uncle telling her it used to belong to her grandmother who'd never managed to learn a damn thing on it. So, Fiona had taken up practice, if only because it was something for a little lowlands Mantellian Faunus to do during the long, cold polar nights and the endless sunshine of the midnight sun. "But, yeah, this is always on me in some form or another."

"You should've played it whilst we were on watch our last mission," May says, with a certain scowl that Fiona knows is 100% directed at their team leader, who is currently off doing... some sort of bullshit with their partner, no doubt. Gods, this team is a nightmare. "All those hours trying to stay awake so we could stare into nothing..."

"Sorry," Fiona says, and she means it. She'd intended to, but, well, she'd sort of chickened out. The echo in the mountains is kind of insane. "Next time?"

May nods, but Joanna cuts off whatever she's about to say next by waving her hands through the air like she can physically dissipate the conversation. "Okay, okay, cool, but now I gotta else you got hiding in there."

Re-compressing her guitar--and oh, is Fiona thankful that dematerialising and rematerialising it doesn't leave it out of tune--Fiona has a mental root around. "Uh, okay, so, we've got--"

In no particular order, she starts pulling things out: a pair of thick gloves for the brutal Solitas chill, an extra pair of socks (hugely understated by most, but never by Fiona), a ushanka that Robyn instantly cheers for, and a couple of jackets ranging from light windbreakers to thick furred jackets that feel like she's wearing a mattress around her ribs. Her Scroll and wallet are in there too, naturally, as are her keys and some extra ammunition, and she pulls out a load of old train tickets with a grimace. "Hm. I was meant to throw these away years ago."

"You're basically carrying around a wardrobe in there, then?" May asks in a way that'd maybe be a little teasing if she didn't look about as jealous as she sounds, but it becomes a thoughtful expression when Fiona shakes her head again.

"Bold of you to think I haven't got a whole pantry in here too," she says, and now Joanna looks very interested. "Check this out."

The first thing she pulls out is a gallon jug of clean water--endlessly fucking useful, she's found, especially when you're in some situation where you can't sit on your ass for an hour waiting for the water purification tablets to do their job--before pulling out a whole host of Atlesian MREs that she keeps around just in case shit really does hit the fan. Atlas rations are... not good, in a phrase, but she's owed them her life more than once, so, whatever.

"What dates are on those?" May quickly interrupts with a critical eye, trying to make out the printed numbers on the snow-patterned packets, and Fiona tosses her one if only to distract May's hands from trying to puzzle out Robyn's password when Robyn isn't directly paying attention.

"Things don't really degrade in my Semblance," Fiona admits. "I've tested it before on stuff with a short shelf-life, like cheese and milk, and honestly I can leave it in there for months and have it come out just as fresh as when it went in. Something to do with a sort of... internal stasis, I guess." Then, she adds, "One thing in my Semblance is a goldfish in a bowl, but he's part of a practical theory I'm running, so I can't materialise him for another fifteen years or so."

"That sounds very normal," Joanna says, and Fiona is glad she agrees as she barrels right over the inherent sarcasm.

As May agonises over finding the date, though, Fiona continues to unveil her pantry--there's plenty of snacks, like dried fruit and nuts and energy bars and chocolate, and when she reveals she carries extra for every member of her team and then some (then some in this instance being Robyn and Joanna, not that she'll admit it), Robyn looks delighted. "That's so sweet! Look at you, making sure nobody goes hungry. You're one in a million."

That's cute and very gay, but Fiona has a lot of stuff to be working through and so she keeps on going--there's a flask of coffee that, thanks to the maybe-stasis, is eternally hot, a bottle of dark Mantellian ale she keeps as, uh, moral support, and she blushes when she pulls out half an uneaten tuna sandwich. "I wondered where that went. Whoops."

May looks up from the MRE for a second, and then does a double-take as she takes in the sight of the very limp and sad-looking sandwich, made courtesy of the Atlas Academy cafeteria. "Wait! Isn't that the sandwich you accused me of stealing last month?!"

"Anyway!" Fiona says with a forced grin, quickly making it disappear back into the void where it can safely continue not existing. "I think the final thing in here is... wait."

She blinks, and suddenly in her hands are at least a hundred little booklets entitled The Pocket Guide to Communist Outreach, scattering right over the floor. Robyn yelps, and then reaches down the side of her bunk to pick them up. "Oh shit! I forgot I asked you to hold onto these! I thought we ran out, nice."

Joanna's face is in her hands, and May sighs long and hard before tossing the MRE back to Fiona with a distinctly pained expression.

"It goes out of date in a month," she notes with distaste, and Fiona just sucks it up without a word. She'll be thankful for it when they end up down a dark cave with no backup, but Fiona figures she'll sit on that one for a bit before being able to make the greatest told you so call in history. She can wait.

"So," she says, watching as May takes advantage of Robyn's momentary distraction to try and access her computer again. "I guess... do you wanna hear me play a song?"

Joanna watches as her partner leans too far over the side of the bunk, yelping as she nearly slams her head directly into the hard vinyl of the floor, and she grimaces. "Please do."

Grinning, Fiona finds her guitar again--somewhere buried, she mentally notes, beside the gallon of water but under the coats--and she slings the broad strap about her shoulders before settling it on her lap, crossing her legs tightly beneath herself before finding her place on the fretboard. After having not played since being back home, it relaxes her more than she'd ever realised it did. It helps to be surrounded by friends, though. Helps to be with family.

"I don't take requests," she adds, flatly, and Robyn laughs from her place on the floor before music fills the dorm, soft and deep and achingly familiar of a place far, far below.

But she's okay with calling this place home, too.

#is the title really a spongebob refer--#rwby #happy huntresses #fiona thyme #robyn hill #may marigold #joanna greenleaf #my writing #sorry this was in my brain for a while there sdfhjgsdfgjh #BUT ITS OUT NOW. ITS FREE.#what else would you have called this #fiona doesn't mention this but she also has emergency condoms and a literal handgun. just in case.#JUST IN CASE...

59 notes · View notes

memzhay · 3 years

Text

The Tonight Show

“Welcome back to the Tonight Show, everybody!” Jimmy says with palpable good humor. “We’re back with more from our good friends Rhett and Link!”

The audience cheers. The camera cuts to Rhett and Link seated on the couch next to Jimmy’s desk. Dressed to the nines. Big smiles. Having so much fun.

“We’re going to play a game for you tonight we are calling ‘Blank Thinks Blank is a Blank!’ Here’s how it’s going to work. In front of me are these 3 opaque jars.” He gestures to 3 large white mason jars in front of him on the desk. “In this jar,” pointing to the one on the audience’s left, “are our names, Rhett, Link, and Jimmy.”

“I’m Rhett!” Rhett offers helpfully.

“In this jar in the middle, we also have our names, Rhett, Link, and Jimmy.”

“I’m Link!” Link says proudly.

“Very good,” Jimmy chuckles. “And in this final jar there is some sort of mystery thing that one of us thinks another one of us, or himself I suppose, is. I will draw a slip of paper from each of these jars, and we will enact a scene based on what comes out. Sound good?”

The audience claps. Rhett and Link look ready for action.

“Alright for our first scene,” he draws slips of paper from the jars, “Jimmy,” gestures to himself, “thinks Link,” the camera snaps to a close up of Link who gives an adorable ‘who me?’ look, “is a kitten!”

Link instantly gets down on his knees on the floor. Licking the back of his hand and grooming himself like a cute cute kitty.

“You’re missing the premise of the game here,” says Rhett. “You don’t have to be a kitten, he has to think you are a kitten.”

Link turns and looks up at Rhett. “Mew?” he says in a tiny kitten voice, and goes back to grooming himself.

Jimmy gets up and comes around the desk. “What an adorable little kitten!” he exclaims. “Can I pet you?” Jimmy reaches his hand down to Link who purrs and rubs his face on Jimmy’s hand. Rhett shakes his head from the couch looking embarrassed and a teensy bit jealous.

“Clearly evil,” says Rhett. The audience laughs, and a few cat people make sounds of mock outrage. Link hams it up, arching his body and rubbing his side against Jimmy’s leg.

“Do you want to play, little kitty? Do you want to play with this feather on a string?”

Jimmy holds up an invisible feather on an invisible string and Link wastes no time batting at it with his paws. “Mew!” he cries in delight. He barrel rolls on the ground and lays on his back pawing up at the invisible feather.

“Good kitty! Pretty kitty!” Jimmy praises. The Roots play some nice “TA DA!” music, and the scene is over. The audience cheers. Link gets up from the ground, dusts himself off and goes back to the couch.

“Alright, for our next scene,” Jimmy says, pulling slips of paper from the jars, “Rhett thinks Jimmy is a koala.”

Rhett springs up and does some warmup stretches. Jimmy stands in front of the desk looking slightly bewildered. “How am I supposed to-“

“Here,” Link gets up and stands next to Jimmy. “I’m a eucalyptus tree,” he offers helpfully. “Climb me.”

“What?!” Jimmy laughs.

“For goodness sakes,” Link says in mock exasperation. He grabs Jimmy’s arms and wraps them around his shoulders. He reaches down and hooks a hand under Jimmy’s thigh, picking it up and holding it in front of him. “It’s ok, man. I’m a tree,” he assures adopting a neutral ‘tree’ expression.

“G’day children!” Rhett says to the audience in a passable Australian accent. “This cheeky little fella here is a koala bear, and isn’t he a beauty?!” The audience laughs. Jimmy smiles sheepishly.

“Now we all know that koalas eat eucalyptus leaves.” Rhett picks up the discarded slips of paper from the previous rounds and approaches Jimmy. “This little guy just loves them!” he says holding a slip of paper up to Jimmy’s mouth.

Jimmy looks at Rhett like he must be insane, but Rhett doesn’t back down, and Jimmy opens his mouth and accepts the paper. Chewing miserably while the audience has a good laugh.

“See! Look at that hungry little fella! Now when the leaves fall off like that, you really should just put them back in the tree. Keeps everything nice and neat.” He holds the rest of the paper slips up to Link, who rolls his eyes but opens his mouth and allows Rhett to stuff the rest of the paper slips in it.

“Now remember children, these little buggers are cute, but if you see one, you mustn’t try to pet it. They can carry chlamydia.” The audience cackles. Jimmy laughs and looks insulted. “This one definitely has chlamydia,” Rhett declares.

“TA DA!” play the Roots. The audience hoots and the scene ends.

Jimmy sits back behind the desk as Rhett and Link return to the couch. Jimmy is snickering and muttering about chlamydia.

“Alright, and for our final scene,” he says reading the last of the paper slips, “Link thinks Rhett is a motorcycle.”

Rhett and Link stand up and confer for a second.

“Do you think?” asks Rhett gesturing to the floor.

“Yes,” Link nods sagely. “I do.”

Rhett sighs. “I thought so.” He proceeds to lay down on the floor on his back, lifting his arms. While he is getting situated, Link gives a long-suffering look to the camera. He then doesn’t hesitate to get down on the floor, straddling Rhett, and grabbing his raised fists like handlebars.

“Time to hit the open road!” Link proclaims. He lifts his knee and brings it down like he is kick starting his bike. “Huh,” he ponders. “This motorcycle doesn’t make any noise when you start it.”

He tries again and Rhett makes enthusiastic vroom vroom noises. Link lets out a whoop and leans the motorcycle this way and that. “Let’s see what this baby can do. This is an excellent motorcycle! Top of the line!”

“I’m a Harley!” Rhett exclaims and continues making vroom vroom noises.

“You sure are!” calls Link. “You’re a big ol’ hog of a Harley! Let’s see if we can get this thing to pop a wheelie!”

Link grinds is hips down into Rhett, grabbing his wrists and lifting his shoulders off the ground. GIF makers all over the internet abruptly die of cardiac arrest only to be instantly resurrected by the power of the pure awesomeness of it!

“Whee!” Link yells in delight. He lowers his arms and Rhett’s shoulders return to the floor. Rhett is laughing now, and his arms go limp.

“Oh no!” Link yells. “Something’s gone wrong with my bike! We’re gonna crash!!”

Link flings himself off Rhett and rolls down the stairs, off the stage, and splats dramatically on the floor in front of the audience, limbs splayed every which way, tongue lolling out. He dies with a groan.

“TA DA!” the Roots play. The audience laughs and hollers and applauds like crazy.

Link hops up and bounds back up the stairs, helping Rhett off the ground. They take a moment brushing each other off and adjusting each other’s ties. Rhett smooths Link’s hair back. Link raises a hand to do the same, then shrugs as Rhett shakes his lion mane of hair into place majestically. They give the audience a wave and return to the couch laughing.

Jimmy is smiling and looking a bit dumfounded. “There were like a thousand ways you could have done that,” he says, “and you just mounted him!”

Link considers. “It was the best way to do it,” he says simply. He turns his head to Rhett who nods enthusiastically. Obviously!

The camera cuts back to a close up of Jimmy, a bemused smile on his face. “Legendary,” he says. “Ladies and Gentlemen, the new season of Good Mythical Morning hits YouTube on April 19th! Give it up for the incomparable Rhett and Link!!”

Cheers, music, and cut to commercial.

#rhink #rhink fic #rhink fanfiction

25 notes · View notes

golden-babbles · 3 years

Text

Keep the Party Goin’ (Part 1)

Part 2

Yuu Nishinoya x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, college AU, obv aged up characters. Alcohol consumption. Part 1 is gonna be mostly SFW, with just implications, but part 2 will be all smut. You’ve been warned!

Summary: Your friend invites you to a party celebrating a win for her boyfriend's volleyball game. One of the guys catches your eye, and it looks like you've caught his too...

Inspiration: Flirt by NEFFEX, Rumors by NEFFEX, Tidal Wave by Portugal, The Man

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: This is my first time writing a fic and I’m so excited for how it will turn out! Let me know what you think! ^-^

It was Taylor who had come up with the idea, whispering in your ear a plan to make her possessive boyfriend get a little jealous. You had glanced at where he stood, leaning against a kitchen countertop, then your gaze travelled downward to the attractive, shorter man beside him.

You grinned as you turned back to your friend, responding with, “Let’s see if we can’t both get a little extra attention.” You whispered back your plan to her, and she giggled and nodded before playfully shoving you in Hinata’s direction to begin your ploy.

“Yo, Shoyo! You taking requests?” You yelled to the redhead over the music as you sauntered over to where he stood on his phone, controlling the bluetooth speakers from where he leaned against the wall.

He looked up at you and smirked as you leaned in close. “For you, babe? Sure, but it’ll cost ya.”

You rolled your eyes and groaned at the cocky little prick before leaning one shoulder against the wall as you faced him. “Name your price, Carrot Top.”

He laughed at the nickname and jutted a thumb towards the liquor sitting on a nearby counter. “Take a shot with me.”

You smirked and straightened, pulling away from the wall. “That’s it? You got yourself a deal.” You moved to grab a couple of shot glasses. “Do I get to pick the poison?”

“Sure, anything but tequila.” He winced. “That stuff messes me up.”

You opted for some fireball and poured a shot for each of you, giggling to yourself as you thought of how the liquor matched the redhead well. You handed his shot to him and held yours up for him to tap his glass to. “Bottoms up!” You downed your shot easily, laughing as Shoyo gave a light cough after he took his own.

“Fireball? You trying to kill me?” He laughed, but held out his phone to you, as per your deal. You queued up two songs, ready to put your evil plan into motion, and grabbed some solo cups of spiked punch from the kitchen before heading back to where your best friend waited for you near the makeshift dance floor.

By the time you reach Taylor’s spot, your first song has started. You hand her her cup of punch, then let the music flow through you as you begin dancing closely with your best friend, swaying your hips to the electric beats and pulses. You were both smiling and laughing, careful not to spill your drinks as you grinded against each other.

"Think we’ve got Tsuki’s attention yet, hmm?" She whispered in your ear as the hand not holding her drink came up behind your head and she pressed her forehead against yours.

You giggled conspiratorially and swept your own free hand over her hip as you glanced at Tsukishima out of the corner of your eye. He was watching you both attentively, clearly paying close attention as the first song came to a close.

“Oh, definitely. The cute guy next to him is watching, too.” Smirking to yourself, you turned back to your friend, downed the rest of your drink, and set the empty cup on a nearby coffee table, Taylor quickly following suit.

"C'mon Tay, let's make this interesting." You said as you grabbed her by the hips and turned her so that she faced away from you, pulling her close until your hips were flush. She began to slowly grind against you, bringing her hands back to run across your shoulders and down your biceps as she shimmied downward to the beat of the blaring music, rubbing her ass against your thighs as she moved.

The two of you ignored the crowd surrounding you, eyes finding the pair across the room, Taylor's flitting to her tall, frowning, blonde boyfriend as yours landed on the friend beside him. Your e/c gaze locked with wide dark chocolate irises as you continued to dance, whirling Taylor back around so that the two of you were facing each other once again, with her arms laced around the back of your neck and your eyes watching the pair of men over her shoulder.

You smirked when Tsukishima downed the rest of his drink and watched as he leaned down to say something to his friend over the thumping music. After a short nod, you watched his friend down his own drink and refill it with spiked punch before he followed Tsukishima across the room to where you danced with Taylor. You shifted your gaze back to your friend's and once again leaned your forehead against hers as you grinned victoriously.

"Uh oh, here they come." The two of you giggled together before Tsukishima grabbed Taylor's shoulder and gently but possessively pulled her away from you.

You feigned a pout up at the frowning blonde. "Hey, Tsuki! Why are you trying to ruin our fun?"

He scoffed. "Don't start. I know you're trying to make a move on her." He pulled your best friend close and wrapped his arms around her smaller frame. You had to fight back a smirk when she winked at you as she pressed her cheek to his chest. "And don't call me Tsuki."

Taylor huffed at his words as she looked up at him, clearly trying not to laugh. "Don't be rude, Kei, we're just trying to have a little fun." Then she turned her attention to the brunette who had walked over with Tsukishima.

"Hey Noya! I didn't know you were here!” She lied. “It's good to see you." She tried to pull out of Tsukishima's embrace, presumably to hug the smaller man, but Tsukishima held tight. She huffed in indignation and turned back to you.

"Y/n, this is Yuu Nishinoya. He's also on the volleyball team with Tsuki. He's the libero. Lots of strength and stamina." She giggles and winks for the second time since the males joined you and you roll your eyes. She's definitely a little tipsy.

You turn your gaze back to the man standing in front of you and find him blushing, a hand rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. How cute, you think, he's shy.

"F/n l/n. You can call me n/n." You stick out your hand for him to take, and he hesitates before removing his own hand from the back of his head to take yours, his eyes focusing on your clasped hands instead of meeting your gaze. You marvel in the strength of his grip and the calluses on his palms.

"Y-you can call me Noya." His voice is just barely audible over the sounds of the party going on around you.

You smile and release his hand and he glances up at you, seeming to blush harder, but he finally finds the confidence to meet your eyes. His hand returns to the back of his head, scratching lightly.

When your attention shifts away from Noya and back to your friend and her boyfriend, you find them passionately making out, even in the midst of everything, and you scowl.

"Yo, get a room, guys!" You lightly smack Tsukishima's arm where it lies across Taylor's shoulders. You can see Taylor blush as Tsukishima growls and glares at you. You stick your tongue out at him and he scoffs.

"Fine, we will." He smirks and grabs Taylor's wrist as he pulls her towards a hallway, presumably leading to Tsukishima's bedroom.

Taylor squeals and turns back to you before calling out, "Have fun, you two!" And placing two fingers in a "v" over her lips before sticking her tongue between them. Then she disappears behind the other partygoers, and you assume that you won't see her again until morning.

You send up a silent prayer of good luck for your best friend. Tsukishima always got insanely jealous of you when you and Taylor teased him, and it always ended in Taylor getting dicked down so good she had trouble walking in the morning.

You turned your attention back to Nishinoya and found him smiling in amusement toward where you last saw Taylor and Tsukishima, before he turned back to face you once again.

With your distractions gone, you took the opportunity to fully drink in the man in front of you. He had dropped his hand from behind his head, now opting instead to cross them over his broad chest, the black muscle tank he wore revealing the strength in his shoulders and biceps. He stood at about the same height as you, give or take an inch or two. Now that his initial shyness had seemed to wear off, likely due to the now empty cup held loosely in one hand. His dark brown eyes glimmered with confidence and a spark that you could only describe as spunky. His gelled spiky brown hair had one bleached spot at the front and center of his head and you couldn't help but wonder what it would look like between your thighs. Your gaze travelled downward to the black volleyball shorts he wore, probably the same ones he wore to practice, and the muscular thighs and claves peeking out of them.

Once your eyes finished their adventure, they traveled back to his face to see him combing you over in much the same way, taking your low cut black crop top and deep red, faux leather pencil skirt in stride before travelling back up and lingering on your black lace choker for just a moment, and then meeting your e/c eyes once again. You smirked when he did, and you could've sworn that you saw a gleam of amusement in his eyes as well.

"Like what you see?" You asked cockily, placing your hands on your hips.

"Mm, you could say that." He cocked a crooked smile back at you and took a step closer.

As he did, the song playing changed and your face lit up. "This is my favorite song! Dance with me?" You asked excitedly.

Noya's blush returned. "Um... sure, but I'm not a very good dancer."

"That's okay, just follow my lead." You wink at him and hold out a hand.

He takes it and you pull him in, hooking your arms behind his neck as the song rolls through a slow verse.

Lonely days will follow,

Days will follow

And that gaze that stuck

The halls will know your name

You heard him inhale sharply as the beat dropped and you thrust your hips close to his, his eyes lowering to watch your body move as his hands found your waist.

Hit me like a tidal wave,

Triggered by the aftershock

He found himself stunned into stillness as you swayed your hips, stepping back to swish your hair behind you and swing your arms out to your sides as the song progressed, bringing them back to his shoulders before shoving lightly to break his hold, then turning away from him as you had turned Taylor, pressing your back to his front. He hissed as your ass brushed against his member, slowly stirring in his shorts.

The contact was enough to wake him from his stupor, and soon he was moving along with you as you danced, gripping your waist and dipping his head into the crook of your shoulder as you swayed in time to the music. When the song ended, you were both panting and you could feel the stiffness in his pants against the curve of your ass.

He leaned up to take your earlobe lightly between his lips before speaking just loud enough to be heard over the music. "Let's make this a private party, hmm?"

You nodded breathlessly, and turned to face him with flushed cheeks, mirroring his expression from earlier.

He smiled and took your wrist, leading you back to the hallway you had seen Taylor and Tsukishima enter earlier. He produced a keyring as you walked, using one of the keys to unlock his bedroom door when the two of you reached it.

Once he had unlocked the door, he held it open and stepped to the side, beckoning for you to enter. As you stepped up to the threshold, you cocked an eyebrow at him, wondering at the extra security.

“Is the lock really necessary?” You eyed him suspiciously, lingering in the doorway.

He shrugs. “Can never be too careful with all of the people coming in and out of here all the time.”

He releases the doorknob and steps in close to you, bringing his hands to your hips and gently pushing you backwards into the room. Once you were both clear, he kicked the door closed behind him and pressing his forehead to yours.

“Now, whaddya say we keep the party goin’ on our own here?” He smirked as his lips crashed against yours, and you felt the wall behind you as your back was pressed against it.

#haikyuu #haikyū!!#haikyuu!!#haikyu!!#yuu nishinoya x reader #nishinoya x y/n #hq nishinoya #nishinoya smut

60 notes · View notes

janiedean · 4 years

Note

I was wondering what you feel about the opinion that GRRM hates feminine/non-warrior women because they (Catelyn, Cersei, Sansa) are written with intentional flaws while his warrior girls (Brienne, Arya) are not? Do you agree with that? That Brienne and Arya have no flaws? It was some dumb meta about how the world is against Brienne, but she never does harm to the world, so she's a bad character and GRRM is a misogynist or something. (1/2)

I disagree obviously. Just because Brienne is not a demon doesn't mean she doesn't have flaws or she's a bad character lol. Like... why can't we have an angel in a world of monsters? What's wrong with that? Are these people jealous that Brienne is one of those pure character that their faves are not, so they feel like dismissing her as a bad character to make themselves feel good? I'm asking you because I know you love Catelyn and Brienne so I know you're the best person to ask this. Ty (2/2)

... I mean this has a long answer to give but this *meta* seems to me like it was written by someone who has no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to who grrm hates in his writing or his supposed misogyny because they have it all wrong and I think you pretty much guessed the point, but in order, let’s... tackle this one by one:

grrm doesn’t at all hate cat and sansa and their flaws are... flaws in the sense that he’s writing them like good people who aren’t 100% perfect but like.. sansa’s *flaws* from the beginning are stuff that’s common to most 12yo girls in existence and she overcomes them and she’s generally a good and kind and caring person whose main trait is that she’s good and kind and stays like that so how exactly now she’s written... like you’re supposed to hate her? bc she’s not. grrm never wanted you to hate sansa. he wrote her like a realistic 11-15yo but like most of us were like that at that age or have had friends who were like that, so... what the fuck. catelyn.... like guys the one heavy flaw she has is her treatment of jon but she’s written as a smart person who’s trying to live in a misogynistic society as best as she can and she’s written like a tragic character but grrm obviously likes her/loves writing her, it’s.... like if you read her chapters you can see how much work/love/craft went into them and how he worked on her bg very carefully also she is more of a protagonist than ned until asos when it comes to the stark side like.... how is giving her human flaws meaning he hates her?? grrm doesn’t hate her. the fact that she and brienne end up doing the knightly/lady sworn sword thing is even more of a proof he doesn’t but more on that later;

cersei... well I mean grrm obv doesn’t like cersei that much but a) he’s written a version of that character at least thrice already including the asoiaf one so I think he has an ex like that that he doesn’t particularly remember fondly or smth but like... she’s written to be a villain. she’s a villain. she’s a very well-crafted/thought out villain with a realistic background but diff. from cat and sansa she’s there to be the antagonist period, and just like... cersei and cat are aesthetically the same archetype and they couldn’t be more different so idk wtf are people smoking when saying that and if they can’t read cat chapters without fandom-hates-her glasses idk what to tell them;

brienne and arya have flaws are we serious, like arya has the flaws everyone has at that age (too impulsive/tends to judge people very fast/is too fixed on things/doesn’t listen to people etc) but like she’s fucking nine when it starts and she gets traumatized to hell and back, like arya’s sl to me is creepy af because no 12yo should be like that and it’s a very good trauma exploration but like....... she has faults but she’s not a bad person for obvious reasons as in SHE’S A KID same as sansa same as EVERYONE UNDERAGE IN THESE BOOKS except partially joffrey and even he has a background that explains how he is, like.... arya and sansa are supposed to be written in an equally sympathetic but specular way because they have opposite ways of reacting to trauma ie sansa holds on to her kindness arya gets progressively detached because she has to kill people to survive but you’re not supposed to hate either of them? honestly grrm wrote them with the exact same stakes, anyone who thinks it’s qualitatively different needs to go back and reread it with some intellectual honestly;

brienne... I mean we serious? the thing with brienne is that she’s a fundamentally good person who is written to become the ultimate example of a good knight™ and who is supposed to restore decency to the title after the institution has crumpled into the dirt, so... she’s... good, same as dunk is in the novels, but like: lmao she has a lot of faults, first thing that at the beginning she judges everyone on sight and sees everything in black and white, she has zero preservation instinct and nonexisting selfesteem because she thinks her life isn’t worth her vows and she thinks she’s not fit for anything she tries to do and would have died for a guy who danced with her once like sorry that’s not healthy, which are all things,... she’s... getting over.... because she has a character arc, but saying that brienne isn’t realistic or doesn’t have faults is ridiculous because she is;

now, this concept that grrm is misogynist is idiotic because a guy who has an insane number of female povs - some of which are the same trope ie brienne and arya - and have all a distinct different personality and voice and none of them are like too idealized or too evil and are to a level relatable means he’s everything but because a misogynyst wouldn’t be able to pull that off. like, in any other book brienne and arya would have been the same character, in his they’re not, so maybe like... give him some credit in the sense that the moment half of your povs are well-written realistic female characters and the ones without povs are equally well-written/manage to be fan faves (ie marg and olenna) maybe he’s just... not... a misogynist nor hates women so that’s out of the way;

re cat and brienne: like... saying ‘ah he hates catelyn’ when catelyn is literally the first *lady* who treats brienne like a friend/peer/person she cares about is completely fucking idiotic because guess what if you’re like brienne usually most Attractive Girls™ the way cat is are not your best friends in life (I mean c. calls her a cow and they didn’t even meet on paper lmao and it’s obvious from b’s povs that she has bad experiences with other women in general), so the fact that cat actually sees her worth, accepts her as her sworn sword doing a thing that’s usually just between men, trusts her with her daughters’ lives, thinks she’s a better knight than jaime could be and treats her as it befits her station (in riverrun she had dresses made for her but brienne wouldn’t wear them) and is actually good to one of the few good people in these books who gets treated like dirt by most others should tell you exactly what grrm thinks of catelyn, ie nothing too bad, and that she’s a good person who fucked up on one thing that the narrative knows and doesn’t excuse, but like.... lmao that entire argument falls flat just for that;

Are these people jealous that Brienne is one of those pure character that their faves are not, so they feel like dismissing her as a bad character to make themselves feel good? you’re on to smth but as I ranted on twitter once: this all falls again to the fact that people Cannot Accept The Fact That An Ugly Girl Who Is Going To Stay Ugly is one of the moral hearts of these series and is An Actual Good Person Who Deserves Good Things in spite of not performing femininity, and who’s going to get the guy of her dreams (who is Hot) without settling and without becoming beautiful, and she’ll manage to realize her dreams even without becoming beautiful and regardless of having been treated like dirt because of her looks all her life, and like... apparently that is too much or too complicated to conceive and so either they have to decide she’s not That ugly or make her things she’s not or decide she’ll die early wow and whatever else, but like: the problem is that usually the Pure Moral Center Of A Story Who Happens To Be Female and gets her dreams and the hot dude is standard attractive. brienne is not, she has trauma because of that, and she’s still the best person in there (or one of the best) and she’ll get her dreams and the hot dude, and people can’t handle this specific concept nor admit that grrm, having done a thing that no one else has until now because there’s no other brienne in genre literature/in that way, is everything but a misogynist, since he actually, ah, wait, gave decent rep to people who most times are relegated to playing the best friend who stays single or are usually evil bc ugly antagonist women are everywhere, ugly protagonist women who are actually Good People™ and aren’t a paragon of Pure Virtue and don’t die virgins? not really. so: people can’t handle that brienne the way she is is a Good Person and The One True Knight In Westeros and it’s a sad thing but it just shows that maybe more people should go for that trope and that’s my two cents;

other than that no guy who can write the range of women grrm does can be a misogynist by definition, especially a guy who managed to get perfectly how it feels being a straight nonstandard attractive woman in society in general because my friends if before I stumbled into asoiaf I never related 100% to one fictional character ever there was a reason, and I read a lot, so people can bite me on that thing;

to end and comment on one thing:

how the world is against Brienne, but she never does harm to the world

congrats to OP they went THAT close to it: that’s the entire fucking point. being like brienne in her society (and not performing femininity™ correctly in ours) means that whatever you do people will criticize you and treat you like dirt even if you don’t mean them any harm. the world is absolutely against her because all the circumstances are stacked against her - she’s a woman, doing a man’s job, looking nonattractive and therefore other women treat her like dirt and men don’t consider her or see her as a threat and hate her for it because she’s better at their job than they are, wanting to be a knight which is a thing that’s technically forbidden bc women can’t be anointed as far as the westerosi law says, who’s doing that because she knows she’s good at it but every single person in her way doesn’t want her to succeed except for a handful, can’t use femininity to navigate the world and she has to survive as a woman in a men’s world in an extremely misogynistic medieval society and there’s a reason why no one but three people takes her seriously, ie that if you don’t count a few people in f&b that are history book material in her context/timeframe she’s an unicum and people tend to dislike it when you’re an unicum/sticking out/wanting to go against the system. the system is absolutely stacked against her, when everything she wants is do good to others and making her father proud and be a knight and find love, and even if it’s not that much to ask for her it’s, on paper, impossible.... and the entire point is that as impossible as it looks she’s definitely going to get it because she’s written exactly for that, and if people haven’t grasped that it’s her arc - overcoming a misogynistic society and living beyond gender roles regardless of your looks which in itself is groundbreakingly feminist - sorry for them but they’ll have a bad wake up call when grrm gets wow/ados out.

and that’s my two cents, but like: there’s nothing wrong in liking characters With Faults or evil ones and you can find Good Ones boring, just don’t try to make it pass like the author is a misogynist because the Good Character is a nonstandard attractive gnc woman because that’s actually a thing no one else ever did.

and this stated brienne is more similar to book!sansa than book!arya personality-wise so it’s an argument that doesn’t hold on even joking. /two cents

#brienne of tarth #janie writes meta #anti-cersei lannister #ch: catelyn tully #ch: sansa stark #ch: arya stark #idek #Anonymous #ask post

31 notes · View notes

popculturebuffet · 3 years

Text

Mickey Mouse Birthday Shortstravaganza!

It’s Mickey and Minnie’s Birthday! It was 92 Years Ago Today everyone’s faviorite mouse came in on a tide of whistling, romance and animal abuse and swept into America’s hearts and wallets. Okay I am a day late on this, I had a busy day, but hey a belated celebratoin’s still good right? Right? Eh i’m doing it anyway. Anyway since then he’s been one of animations most iconic characters, and while out of the classic power trio I vastly prefer donald and goofy, they still woudln’t be around without Disney’s big cheese and having not seen a ton of Mickey’s shorts, I felt I owed it to the big eared one to take a look at a bunch of his shorts for his birthday and see how I liked em. If your curious about my previous Donald Duck marathon, it’s CLICK THIS LINK. Unlike last time all of these shorts are on Disney+ as more of Mickey’s library is on there and one or two of these were added recently, as Disney tends to add a few a month. I do wish there were more on there.. but unlike with say the handful of shows they haven’t put on there, i’m a bit more forgiving here. For one thing, YouTube has all the shorts available from various uploaders and DIsney hasn’t touched them despite Plus’ launch. Given like most companies Disney usually has their bots a cirlcing for their content, this has to be delebrate on there part and it’s a good gesture from the company. So while not in crisp HD like the Plus copies, or as easily avaliable, you can find any short that’s happened. So the shorts not all being up at once isn’t an issue like most of the shows that are absent on Plus.

They also heavily need to cherry pick their library as some shorts simply haven’t aged well or have offensive stuff. With the exception of “The Beach Picnic”, which has a racist caricature of native americans via ants.. yes really, most of the shorts are fine to show kids, and have aged pretty well. And as my last marathon showed some shorts.. just haven’t. While not you know racist, seriously why is the Beach Picnic on there?, “Donald’s Penguin”, while utterly adorable at first, ends with Donald trying to murder a baby penguin with a shot gun. No amount of content warnings is going to get past one of their beloved icons pointing a shotgun at a baby. While Disney’s self conciousness can be silly, the splash edit and not putting the Darkwing Duck episode “Hot Spells” on plus for instance, this is one time when I can agree with them: if someone is curious about a paticuarlly offensive short or a propoganda one, youtube exists. But given Plus is trying to be all ages and dosen’t have censoring they have to be careful what they put on there, and I can respect that. I don’t think anyone’s crying a river over the fact that the goofy short where his reflection keeps saying “Hey Fat”, over and over while he struggles with his weight isn’t on Disney Plus and thankfully never will be. But seriously get rid of the “Beach Picnic”. It’s not a good short and you already have one batch of native american stereotypes with “Peter Pan”, I don’t think racist ants are the hill you want to die on disney.

So yeah, this time all of these are from Disney Plus, and since I watched them all at once, their in Watch order rather than chronological like last time. So with all that out of the way...

After the cut

1. Steamboat Willie (1928): It’s All Fun and Games Until Mickey Strangles an Innocent Duck Starting from the obvious source, Steamboat Willie was the start of Mickey’s career. And it’s.. okay. The animation is fantastic and the first half is pretty good: Theirs a pretty good gag with one of the cows. But the finale, with Mickey abusing various animals just isn’t that funny A LITTLE rattling of an animal for comedy is fine.. but the things Mickey does here are just sociopathic> And yes I know it was the 1920′s, but even in that lawless, racist, sexist time, they knew better than to strangle a duck, or, in the moment that puts it over the top, remove suckling pigs fromt heir mom and then play a pig’s teats like an insturment to make it squeal musically.. I assure you I did not make this up. That actually happens. The pacing is also fairly slow at points, with some gags dragged out, though that can be chalked up to having no way to edit the damn thing, so that part I can forgive more. What makes up for it, like I said, are some good jokes, and some gorgeous animation. Decades later and while clearly made a long time ago, it still looks vibrant and really pops even in black and white. It shows just how talented Disney was and how far the company could go with this medium. One last thing to note is Mickey’s Early personality. While he’d retain trickster aspects at times, here he bounces between the loveable jolly mouse we’d come to know for the rest of his career who sometimes has a wild streak.. and a total asshole who strangles a duck. It’s just intresting to see such a diffrent side of him, most of which would end up going to Donald over time. Overall the short is decent, not the best of Disney’s catalogue but worth a watch for the historical significance despite it’s shortcomings, pun unintended.

2. Thru the Mirror (1936): That Was a Weird One This was easily my favorite of the bunch and as of now, my favorite Mickey Mouse Theatrical Short. Part of it is that it’s entirely bonkers; The film STARTS with Mickey , sound asleep, some how astral projecting as his soul, his spirit or whatever lead shis body and having been reading Alice Thorugh the Looking Glass, goes into a mirror world. But instead of encountring evil goatee mickey, he encounters a bunch of living objects and a bunch of fun set pieces for jokes ensue. He dances with playing cards, fights an army of them, has a sword fight with the king after dancing with the queen which.. no Mickey, bad mickey, your in a relationship and so is she. Bad Mouse bad. It is entirely fucking insane, even including a living nut cracker which.. words can’t.. look

They.. they had to know how this looked right? did the director have a ball busting fetish? I mean okay if he did, nothing wrong with that, but maybe don’t put it in your children’s cartoon. That being said it does eat the shells which I find creative. And that’s what really makes this one pop. The creativity. Not a single minute is boring, every minute has something intresting going on, but without throwing too muchi n your face. It’s just a wonderful short and one that like Mr. Duck Steps out, i’ll be rewatching a LOTTTT.

3. Mickey’s Rival (1936): Mortimer: The Original Bro From the same year we have disappointment. Having grown up with the disney classic House of Mouse, I was a huge fan of Mortimer. So when I first saw this, I was happy to see where he came from.. then justifably blocked it out of my mind till this review. While I love mortimer, I love Mickey having a sleazy rival and one diffrent than Pete who has different goals and tactics than the big guy. But his debut just has him as an obnoxious snickering bro.. which to be fair is who he is, but without the venre of charm his later version would have. Mortimer just spends the short being a pranking douche, and blatantly hitting on Minnie in front of Mickey while their on a date. Which even in an open relationship is a no no, so he has no leg to stand on.. metaphorically. He also walks weird in this one because, and this is true, he’s carying 9 volt batteries in his pants. Yes really. That’s the level of Douche we’re dealing with. Someone so up their own ass they carry batteries int heir pocket instead of money or a mask or children’s trading cards like a normal person or a me. What makes it frustrating is Minnie just swoons over the guy. And not like “Awww he’s so funny”, I mean romantically then has the gaul to say “your just jealous” when Mickey is understandably fuming over the jackass who swooped in, pranked him, is hitting on his girlfriend in front of him by teasing a bull, and in general is just the worst. Yes.. yes he is. Justifably. Jealousy is an ugly emotion but there’s a line between some dude bro like Mortimer getting mad your friends with someone you could be in a relationship with, boy, girl, neither, both, whatever your into, and Mickey getting mad his girlfriend is chuckling all over her ex who agian, crashed their date and treated him like garbage and is very transparently hitting on her in the middle of it. It’s also just not a very funny short, outside of the bit pictured and tha’ts more for the sheer aburdity of Mortimer elctifying his pant for a really dumb gag about stealing people’s pants button. He’s very lucky we didn’t see Mickey’s Epic Mickey is what i’m saying. But given he’s a frat bro, the 1930′s version granted but a bro nonetheless, he’d probably find that hilarious until he noticed the sheer size and scope. Overall a forgetable, frustrating short. The one bright spot is mickey and mortimer’s cars which have faces and stuff and look neat.. otherwise it was just a waste of my time and the only good thing it did was bringing Mortimer into our lives. And that ain’t nothing.

4. Mickey Down Under (1948): ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This is a quick one.. because this one was a vacum. I mean I can at least say for Mickey’s Rival it’s interesting.. i’ts not good but it’s interesting. this is just.. Mickey farts around with a boomerang with his dog and then pisses off an ostrich. There’s not really a lot of consequence or intrest is what i’m saying. I can’t even find a good opening to make a letterkenny joke. No one got close to fucking an ostrich here. It’s telling by the fact theirs no gif’s of this one that no one cares and it baffles me this is one of the ones Disney chose to gussy up for D+ release. But still no donald messing around with a robot?

5. The Band Concert (1935): That’s More Like It. Okay scooting back a year we have the band concert. This is my third time watching this one and it’s a delight. Like the last one I don’t have a ton to say.. but it’s more because this one is just so good rather than because it wasted my time. It’s got a fun concept and the breakout performance from my boy donald duck as he constantly fucks with the band’s performance by either getting in their faces or hilariously pulling Flute’s out of thin heir. I miss that gimmick for donald, his love of pulling objects out of the either via magic and shenanigans. They should bring it back. Also his shenanigans remind me of opus and that’s never a bad thing.

Also Horace takes off his shirt. For the Ladies. A Classic for good reason.

6. On Ice (1935): Donald is a Bastard Man Another great one from the same year. This time around we have what i’ve come to call a Mickey and the Gang Messaround. This is back when Donald and Goofy were supporting characters, so generally each of the big three do something, usually coming together for the climax. In this case Mickey tries to help Minnie with her skating, with him adorably following her around with a pillow before showing off for her, just really sweet stuff. Goofy’s bit is hilariously dumb, as fitting my boy, as he feeds fish tobaco to get them to spit into a spitoon, and tries to club them, with predictable results. While not the most enivrionmentally friendly just the sheer oddness, the fact it sort of works minus him actually clubbing them, and one of hte fish smacking him in the face all make it work. The only bit that reallyd osen’t is Donald and pluto... it was present a bit before but here illustrates why I really dread Pluto based shorts. While I don’t hate the dog, he’s a dog I love dogs, most of the gags in his old shorts, and even up to mouseworks are him either being blamed for shit that’s not his fault, a pet peve of mine, or being tourtured in some way...

But dosen’t work at all now. He puts the poor dog on skates and then laughs at him and even sings a song mocking the poor dog, before justifably nearly ending up going over a watterfall, then ending up clubbed in the head. Good. I love donald but good god is he unsympathetic here.. and for some reason they teamed the two up again for more shorts! Why. It’s why I don’t get why Pluto was the star of his own shorts: if this is all they had.. why do it? Was the 30′s, 40′s and 50′s equilvent of a micheal bay audience really that into dog abuse? So yeah otherwise a good short but that segment drags it down. not Donald’s best work.

7. Clock Cleaners(1937): This is a Great One Not much to say on this one. It’s pretty good, has some fun set pieces, and some great jokes from all three characters. Mickey deals with a seagull, donald effs with a main spring and Goofy fights some statues. All good clean fun. My lack of brevity is more because I don’t have any jokes rather than this genuinely being bad. It’s pretty good.

8.. Mickey and the Seal(1948): More Pluto Torture Porn!

This one’s more of a mixed bag. On the one hand, it is really cute, as a young seal ends up going home with mickey after he visits the zoo to feed them fish. On the other hand.. it’s mostly Pluto chasing after the seal, Mickey being kind of a dick to pluto and not getting he clearly saw SOMETHING in his house, and then teasing him at the end despite him having been right. That being said the ending, with the seal brining back all it’s buddies to mickey’s house, is fricking amazing. ALso the seals in this unvierse who aren’t antrho can speak. That.. that raises a lot of questions I don’t think disney can answer.

9. Ye Olden Days (1933): Jaunty Dueling Music Now this.. this was a fun one. Mickey and Minnie head to Medivil times, proving that the current shorts tendency to jaunt to various settings isn’t a new thing, and it’ sjust a much of a fun change up here as it was there. Mickey, a wondering minstral, ends up trying to rescue Minnie after her father throws her in a dungeon for not wanting to marry Prince Dippy Dog, who hopes she can learn to love him. I can’t tell if he’s genuine or a dick here. But it’s fun, especially the part where, after Minnie declares she loves mickey which.. it’s been a few hours slow down, they decide on a duel and thus sing some ragtime, 1930′s getting ready for duel music that’s just catchy. if X Of Swords ever gets a movie, I want to use this song. Just.. really good stuff. A fun short with some great gag,s a great concept, and my boy goofy as the villian. What’s not to like? Alright one more.

10. MIckey’s BIrthday Party (1942): Big Chicken Breasts We end on another all together now, Mickey and the Gang Messaround that was a great note to end on. I did watch another short, Pluto’s Birthday party.. but it was both more of a Pluto short and more Pluto torture nonsense, so yeah, skipping that one, as I ended up one short of my 12 goal because I can’t count, apparently. So Mickey gets 10, but this one’s a good note to go out on.

Minnie throws a suprise party for mickey which almost turns into a live sex celebration as Mickey clearly is a wee bit horny going in. But it turns into a fun dance party, with Donald throwing out razzes like a good buddy, Goofy making a cake, and some fun gags with a piano they all bought him. It’s a really good short. That’s the problem with Mickey Shorts and doing all D+ ones: There just isn’t the weirdly offensive stuff to talk about there is. He’s not a bad character, but there’s a reason in every short that features all three, Donald and Goofy easily outshine him. Mickey’s not a bad character, but when not in trickster mode, there just isn’t a lot for him to do. It’s why the comics reinvented him, much like they did for donald, into a plucky detective/reporter who reguarly sovles crimes. He’s not bad, and as seen with Ye Olden Days and Thru the Miror, his blank slateness cna be put to good effect and house of mouse gave him more of a personality, but here he’s just the bland good guy to Donald’s loveable scmap and goofy’s loveable dumbass. It’s an issue comedy has to this day: having a lead whose just.. not as intresting as the rest of the ensemble. There is weirdness to note, as Donald dances with Clara Cluck> That’s not the weird part, he and daisy took a while to be etched in stone. The weird parts are 1. Donald wearing a sombrero and smoking a cigar, and 2. Clara’s MASSIVE boobs.. yes really. Clara Cuck has giant breasts. Like actual boobs that sway around while she dances with donald. it’s.. bizzare. Not terrible, who doesn’t like big chicken boobs but just.. really really weird to see ina Disney cartoon.But yeah it’s jus ta fun note to end on.

And that was MIckey’s Birthday special. I enjoyed it even if I had less to say than I thought. If you liked this review, you can comission your own for five bucks, just hit up my pms or my discord , avaliable on request. You can check out my ohter disney reviews in the disney tab on my blog and until next time, ther’es always another rainbow.

#mickey mouse #minnie mouse #donald duck #goofy goof #clara cluck #hoarace horsecollar #clarabelle cow #mortimer mouse #mickey's birthday #classic disney shorts

9 notes · View notes

zi-i-think · 4 years

Text

11 | World’s Worst Ex-Girlfriend

Pairing: Zuko x Ama (OC)

Word count: 4800+

.☽☼☾.

~ Ama ☾ ~

I knew that there was something up with Suh. From the moment I met her, I had a bad feeling. And I only grew more suspicious when Suh acted completely normal during dinner. She mentioned nothing about the letter. And I understand that if it were something personal, you wouldn't exactly announce it to the class. But there wasn't even a difference in her deminor.

I didn't tell anyone about what I saw. Katara and the other girls would just say that I'm jealous again. Sokka probably would laugh at me. Aang would probably side with Katara. And Mai just found her annoying, not suspicious. I was the only one that thought there was something wrong with Suh.

I was left to investigate on my own. The next day I had committed my day to keeping an eye on Suh. I pushed back a few of my duties and what I could get done over night was done. I got a total of 3 hours of sleep. Which to be fair is an hour more that I originally thought I was going to get.

The morning was normal. Katara and Aang got to their wedding stuff. Ty Lee, Suki, Sokka and Mai went out to train and then go out to lunch. Zuko had his Fire Lord stuff. And Suh was a sitting duck. I was sure that if I spied long enough I'd catch something.

Unfortunately, I got nothing. There weren't any messenger hawks. No suspicious activity. No strange visits. And it didn't help that the woman didn't do anything. She picked up a book in the library and just read. Spirits, I was so bored the entire time.

So I decided to do what any normal and sane person would do. And snoop through her things to try to find that letter or anything else interesting.

I made sure no one was around when I carefully entered her and Zuko's shared room. It looked standard and clean. The bed was made, the clothing in the closet were hanging nicely. There wasn't anything out of place. Which made my job a little bit easilier.

I decided to start with the nightstands. Knowing Zuko, he slept on the right side of the bed. The lavender oils on that stand only confirmed it. He always had trouble falling asleep, and lavender always helped me, so I recommended it to him. After all these years he still used it.

I went over to the nightstand on the left. A curse left my lips when I saw that the drawers were just filled with jewelry. I went into the closet, searching through her clothing for literally anything. Still. There was nothing out of the ordinary.

Stepping out of the closet again, I looked over at the nightstand again. My intuition was telling me something was off about it, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

Then I realized that there was a book on top of it. But she was reading a book in the library. Not saying that it was something completely unusual to finish a book and leave it on the nightstand, but it was something to perhaps look into.

I picked it up, immediately noticing that it was a lot lighter than any normal book and opened it. This wasn't even a real book. The entire inside of it was carved out so that it looked like a normal book, when in reality, it's a secret hiding place.

A small smile tugged at my lips, seeing a rolled up piece of paper. I sat down on the bed and set the book aside before I unrolled the paper. It was the letter. I knew because it was addressed to Suh and had yesterday's date on it. It read:

Dear Suh, our plans changed. Unfortunately, some old friends are coming to finish things off. We'll be at the usual place and expect to see you there. Best regards, A.

A? Who's A? Who are the old friends? What plans? I had so many questions but at least now I had a lead. I just have to keep a close eye on Suh. If this little meeting of theirs occurs before they leave to the Fire Nation, I'll follow her and-.

"Ama?" Shit. I didn't even hear the door open. Or the heavy footsteps.

I gulped nervously as I looked up. "Hey, Zuko. How've you been?"

My friend crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows. "What the hell are you doing in my room?"

"I thought you were working." I dodged the question, standing up from the bed.

"Well considering that dinner is in thirty minutes, I thought I'd come freshen up. Didn't think you'd be in here, though." Was it really almost dinner time? I hadn't noticed how quickly the day had passed.

"And I can explain that." I didn't want to have to bring this to Zuko until I had more solid evidence, but this letter is still good enough. "I think Suh is hiding something from all of us." Zuko scoffed and looked away. "Just hear me out. She got this letter yesterday." I handed him the paper, letting him read it. "There aren't any specifics, but then again. If you were hiding something, you'd stay as secretive as you can."

Zuko stayed quiet. Staring at the letter. He was a quick reader, so I knew he'd be done reading it by now. He was thinking to himself and processing this new information.

"Evening, Zu-bear! How was-" Suh loudly entered the room. She stopped talking and her smile disappeared the moment her eyes landed on me. "What are you doing in here?"

Zuko avoided looking at both of us, instead he stared at the wall. I snatched the letter from his hand and went over to Suh. I held the paper in front of the woman. "Suh, I know you're hiding something." I said with an authoritative tone.

Suh looked taken aback. "You went through my stuff?!" She angrily took the letter from my hand and skimmed over it.

"I saw you receive it yesterday, and it just didn't sit right with me." I told her. "I'm just trying to look out for my friends and family, you have to-"

"That gives you no right to go through my things." She hissed defensively. Her cheery demeanor was replaced with this venomous one. "This letter was from my mother. We're having a family reunion in a few months and some old friends are joining us."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I just stood there with my mouth agape and a horrified expression. I was a complete fool. "I am so sorry, I-"

"You need to leave!" She fiercely pointed at the door.

I said nothing out of embarrassment. I glanced at Zuko, seeing that he was still avoiding looking at me. With my head down, I hastily left the room and closed the door behind me.

I can't believe I just did that. Did I really just start to believe that Suh was evil? For getting a letter? Ugh! I'm so stupid. I let my mind spiral out of control.

Maybe the others were right. Maybe I am just jealous. But then if that were the case, then that means I still have feelings for Zuko.

.☽☼☾.

"You broke into their room!" Katara burst into my room, closing the door behind her.

I groaned into my pillow and pulled it closer to my face. "I'm already wallowing in my own self pity, Katara."

"Are you insane?" She shouted. Before I could say anything, she continued. "I thought it was odd that you didn't show up at dinner. Then Suh explained everything."

I jumped up to a seated position. "She told everyone everything at dinner?" I worried.

"Yes, Ama." Katara crossed her arms over her chest with that look she always gave when she was annoyed with someone. Her frown was a bit crooked and her eyebrows were pinched together. "Suh was very upset. Zuko said nothing the entire meal."

I flopped back onto the bed and draped my arm over my eyes. "I really messed up."

"You need to apologize to the both of them tomorrow." She ordered me and I felt the bed dip where she sat down.

"I know. I know." I cringed at just imagining how that would go. The awkwardness that would come of it. And even after I apologize, Zuko isn't going to trust me. He probably hates me right now.

"At first we were all just teasing about you still liking Zuko." Katara continued to speak, not making me feel any better. "But now, everyone actually thinks you do. This was way out of hand, even for you."

"I know." I grumbled.

"Sis, I know it's hard to see Zuko with someone new, but couldn't you just-"

"Spirits, Katara! Do you ever shut up!?" I snapped, my arms up in the air in frustration.

My sister let out a huff of air. "Just apologize. Okay?"

My hands covered my face. "I already said I would."

"Good." Katara nodded and got back up. "I hope this-"

"Ama, I gotta say, I didn't know you had it in you!" Sokka barged in, interrupting Katara. "As bad as it sounds, this entire thing is hilarious!"

"Sokka!" Katara scolded him and smacked his arm. I grabbed my pillow and covered my face with it.

"What? I just-"

"We're leaving Ama alone." Katara pushing him in the direction of the door.

"Okay. Okay." He scoffed, listening to his sister. "Good luck getting out of this one, sis!" He called one last time to me. I groaned to myself and moved my body to lay on my side.

I wished this were a nightmare. That I'd just wake up and it was all just a really bad dream. But it wasn't. I was still in my bed. And I still accused my ex's girlfriend of spirits knows what. I was officially the world's worst ex-girlfriend.

.☽☼☾.

The next morning, I got up, got ready, and mentally prepared to apologize for the biggest mistake I've made in the past year. I decided to start with Suh. After all, it was her that I accused. Might as well get it over with.

I found her at the dining table, eating breakfast and drinking her morning tea alone. She had a very stoic expression. She saw me walk over and immediately looked down at her breakfast.

"Morning, Suh. Can I sit here?" I pointed at the chair beside her. She didn't say anything and I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, or at least more unforgettable, so I stayed standing. "I just want to sincerely apologize for my behavior yesterday. It was completely out of line and I should have accused you of hiding something. It was wrong of me and I'm sorry."

Suh took a sip of her tea, still ignoring me. I nodded awkwardly and started to leave the room.

"You know, I didn't know much about you before I came here." Suh said before I could actually leave. I turned around, seeing her bitter glare. "I knew you were a waterbender and that you used to date Zuko. I was jealous of you, I admit."

The woman stood up, sinisterly walking towards me until she was right in front of me. "But I tried to push past that and get along with you. But looking at you now. I don't want to know you anymore. You're just a pathetic and whorish ex." I sharply inhaled at her words, ready to pounce on her and fight. "And I know I don't need to worry about you. I'd be surprised if Zuko even forgave you. He had a lot to say about your behavior last night."

I held off on fighting her. I didn't want to worsen things. And when she mentioned Zuko, my body tensed. Will he really not forgive me? I didn't want to lose him. He's my friend. We'd been through too much together.

Suh sharply turned around, getting back to her breakfast. I took her example and also started to leave. "Good luck apologizing to him." Suh called to me, only giving me more anxiety.

The entire walk to Zuko's temporary office felt like walking on needles. The palace was big, but it wasn't that big. It would take 10 minutes tops to get from the east wing of the palace to the west wing, where the offices and meeting rooms are. But it felt like an eternity until I finally found myself standing in front of his office door.

My clenched hand hovered over the door. The nerves were getting to me. I shouldn't be so scared to talk to my own friend. But if I said one thing wrong, he could ignore me forever. And I didn't want that.

Taking in a deep breath and holding it, I knocked twice. There was no sound coming from inside for a moment and I wondered if he was even in there. Maybe he went training with Sokka or to the market. "Come in." His voice finally spoke up.

I let out my breath and opened the door. Zuko was sitting at the desk with a large stack of papers on it. He set down his pen and stood up when he saw me enter the room.

"That's a lot of work." I pointed at the papers. Why do I do that? I just needed to apologise and leave. Not start random conversation. I didn't want to be in the awkward atmosphere longer than I needed to.

"Yeah." Zuko agreed, glancing at the papers.

"Look, I'm really sorry about last night." I started, walking over until I stood in front of the desk. "I shouldn't have accused Suh of hiding something, I was just letting myself come up with some crazy conspiracy. It almost came between you two and you guys make a great couple. I'm sorry."

Lie. I didn't like Suh. Not because the idea that she was hiding something, since I was so obviously wrong. But because she was still annoying and rude. But if Zuko was happy with her, I'll support him.

I looked down at my hands, picking at my nails as I waited for a response from him. Suddenly, he started laughing. I looked over at him. His eyes were closed and he was hunched over the desk as his broad shoulders shook.

"I'm sorry, are you laughing?" I wondered with worry in my voice, narrowing my eyes sceptically. "I'm trying to apologize for something that I genuinely feel bad for... and you're laughing."

"Ama." He cleared his throat and stood up straight. His laughter subsided, but he still had a humored look on his face. "I'm laughing, because you're right." I tilted my head in confusion, letting my carry on. "I know that Suh is hiding something."

.☽☼☾.

~Zuko ☼ ~

The past few years have been bland and stressful. Between creating the United Republic of Nations and undoing all the horrible things my family has done, I was beyond overwhelmed.

The only thing that seemed to calm me down were Ama's letters. I knew they weren't much different than the ones she sent everyone else, but they still brought me joy. She'd describe the landscapes she's been to and the people she met with such beauty. Her way with words was extraordinary and with great care.

A part of me wished I'd gone with her. A majority of my travels were spent being angry and hating the world. But I had my duties and a path of my own. But with Ama's letters, it was like I was experiencing everything with her.

I'd write back often. Sometimes about politics, other times about my family, sometimes about my own problems. And Ama always was able to input her own opinions. Some good, some bad. I can't count how many times she's told me to shove a councilman down a trash shoot.

And when her letters got less frequent, I was saddened. It gave me more time to focus on my job and on other things, but I missed her. Even the little doodles she made on the parchment were excluded from her letters.

Then Suh came into the picture. Unfortunately. She was so talkative and overbearing, I wondered how the council even accepted her. She was so different from the other women that were recommended to me. Not in a good way.

But on the first date, Suh mentioned something that no one would've known. In her failing attempts to sympathize with me, she mentioned something about the kemurikage. "And for Azula to kidnap her own half-sister. How psychopathic." She knew that it was Azula behind all of it. I hadn't made any public announcements or let the news leave the palace walls. It could have brought more panic through the nation.

After that date, I decided to look more into Suh. Her father, General Yuru, was a respectable man, but he also kept this personal life quiet. He had a wife, Ylune, and two daughters: Suh and an older sister Leiza.

The councilmen had detailed notes about the family. Their lives seemed normal for a rich family. They went to galas, lived luxuriously, took grand vacations. Suh's sister was the only not so normal person.

Leiza was sent to a mental institution at 14. The same one that Azula went to. This was what got the wheels in my head to start rolling. Leiza was recorded to have gone missing from the institution, just like many other girls that Azula broke out.

And even crazier, she went to get revenge on her family for putting her in the institution setting the mansion and everyone on fire. She and her parents died. Suh was the only one who survived.

I understood then why the council accepted her. Pity. But the entire profile was odd. The sisters looked incredibly alike. Almost like twins. I speculated if Suh was even Suh. If she was actually Leiza.

"And you think that she could still be with Azula?" Ama asked me. She caught on fast. We must have been sitting here for half an hour with me explaining everything while she listened attentively.

"Exactly."

"Well then why haven't you confronted her about it?" She wondered.

"Ama, if your sibling were some sociopath wild card and there was a person that could lead you to them, would you rather cut them off or have them close by." I pointed out, leaning my body on the desk and raising an eyebrow.

Ama groaned and buried her face in her hands. "Point taken." She sighed and then fell back into the chair she was sitting on. "Why haven't you told anyone?"

"Suh isn't as dumb as everyone makes her out to be." I explained. "She's good at reading people and lying, hence why Toph hasn't been able to catch her lying. Everyone would act weird and unlike themselves. She'd catch on."

"So, now what? We just wait for her to carry out her plan?"

"Your snooping actually helped us." Ama groaned when I mentioned yesterday. "We know they'll be meeting up eventually. They have backup. And the A is clearly Azula. We just need to keep an eye on Suh. This means that..."

"Please don't say it." She shook her head already knowing what I was about to say.

"She's going to need to be at the bachelorette party."

"And he said it." Ama shook her head and grimaced. "I don't wanna have her there, though. I'm already going to have to deal with other girls while they're drunk. I love them to death but they're a mess."

"Considering that it's the only night where Suh would even have the chance to meet up with them, we need to have her there." Ama glared at me while I just shrugged back. "You won't have to talk to her, at least. She hates you now."

"I've never been so happy to have someone hate me before." The waterbender giggled lightly, running her hand through the top of her hair. She gave me an amused smile. "Anyways, I never knew you could act so well."

"Well I did spend a good while in Ba Sing Se as a boy named Lee." I sent her a smug smirk.

"Right, Lee from the tea shop." She giggled again with that gorgeous smile. Shit. Don't make me fall in love again. If I even fell out of it. "I still can't believe it though. Six months of her whining and inability to stop talking. How'd you do it? Therapy? Weed?"

I huffed a laugh and rolled my eyes. "A lot of patience. Spending more time working to spend less time with her. Practicing my firebending was great when I got too frustrated."

"How'd you react when she first called you Zu-bear?" She bounced her eyebrows tauntingly.

"I don't ever want to hear that come out of your mouth ever again." I pointed at her threateningly.

"Whatcha gonna do tough guy?" She teased. Standing up from her seat and crossing her arms. "Challenge me to an Agni Kai?"

I scoffed as she stepped closer to me. "You know that's not how it works." Ama shrugged and leaned on the desk next to me. She stared to zone out, staring at the animal skins on the wall ahead of her. "What are you thinking about?"

She turned her head and looked at me. It's been a while since I could look into her eyes like this. Seeing the deep blue. "Just how after all these years, trouble still finds us. Can't we catch a break?"

"Considering that Aang is the Avatar and I'm the Fire Lord, I doubt it." I responded, earning a light smile.

"A hot cocoa sounds really good right now." She randomly said and I chuckled at her.

"Leave it to you to say something completely unrelated to the conversation." I lightly elbowed her side.

"Or Sokka." She reminded me.

A light knock on the door caught our attention and we looked over at it. "Come in." I told whoever was on the other side.

The door handle turned and Aang walked in. "Hey, Zuko sorry to interrupt- oh. Hey Ama." Aang started, slightly thrown off guard seeing me and Ama leaning on the wooden desk and talking.

"Hi Aang." Ama said so purely.

"Are you guys good?" He asked. "Like, there's no hard feelings."

Ama and I shared a glance and then looked back at him. "Nope." She shook her head.

"We talked it out. We're good." I added.

Aang seemed curious and confused, but just shrugged it off. "I just need to go over some things about the bachelor party." I nodded at him.

"That's my cue to leave." Ama pushed herself off the desk and went out the door. "I'll see you later, Zu-bear." She called right before she turned and was out of sight.

I shook my head at her and then turned to focus my attention to Aang. He had his arms crossed and his eyebrows pinched together in confusion. "Are we just going to gloss over that?" He pointed between me and the spot that Ama was just in.

"There's nothing to gloss over." I told him confidently. "She came in to apologize, we talked, that's it."

Aang sighed. "Zuko it's great to see you and Ama getting along so well. But that looked a lot like when you two were still together." My mouth dropped slightly, ready to rebuttal. "Look, I'm not going to tell you who you should be with, but I really advise you don't do anything while you are still involved with Suh."

I walked over to my friend and placed an assuring hand on his shoulder. "You aren't going to have to worry about that, because there is nothing happening. Beside, we're here for you." I lightly punched his shoulder and he chuckled. "You're marrying the love of your life. You have to think about no one other than yourself and Katara."

"Thanks Zuko. I'd really like the same for you one day." Aang responded. I smiled at him lightly. I'd like that, too.

.☽☼☾.

I couldn't sleep. Not with Suh trying so hard to snuggle beside me. The lavender wasn't helping either. Careful not to wake Suh, I got up from the bed and left the room. Thinking maybe I needed some water.

I was truly amazed at how much had changed about the Southern Water Tribe in just a few years. They were able to conserve their traditions and their values while also adapting to the changing world. Hakoda was truly a great leader, bringing everyone together to work forward. I knew that all three of his kids were also natural leaders, personally experiencing them take charge in their own way.

I admired the decoration of the halls as I made my way towards the kitchen. I didn't expect to find Ama sitting in the living room. She sat beside the fireplace, leaning her back on the bricks and her legs curled up to her chest. In her hands, she held a book and tilted it towards the fire, illuminating the pages so that she could read it.

I walked further into the living room and stood by one of the couches. She didn't notice me come in and I crossed my arms over my chest. "Why don't you just use the lantern?" I asked.

Ama jumped slightly at the sudden question. Once seeing it was just me, her body relaxed. "I couldn't see as well." She answered matter-of-factly and went back to her book. "Plus my arm was getting tired."

"Maybe that's a sign that you should go to bed." It must have been the middle of the night. Ama had always been a night person, but given how busy he'd been the past couple days, I'd assume she's exhausted.

"Not yet." She shook her head 'no.' "I'm almost done."

I smiled at her determination. Taking a seat on the large couch, I pat the spot next to me. Ama furrowed her eyebrows and gave me a puzzled look. "You can't possibly be comfortable on the floor." I pointed out and then created a ball of fire in my left hand. "And I can light your pages for you."

"Shouldn't you be sleeping, mister Fire Lord." She questioned me instead, using her finger as a temporary bookmark to close the book.

"Can't sleep." I responded.

Ama looked hesitant for a moment. But after a moment she caved and pushed herself off the floor. The couch dipped as she sat down, careful not to get too close to me.

The fire in my hand illuminated her face perfectly. Her caramel skin showed no imperfections and her blue eyes were piercing through me yet again. A part of me wanted to kiss her. But another part of me was reminding me that I was technically still with Suh, and that Ama had moved on.

Tearing my eyes away from her and looking at the book, I ignored the desire. "Can you read it out loud?" I asked.

Ama tucked her brown hair behind her ear and cleared her throat. "I mean if you want, I don't know if you'll understand what's happening though."

"Doesn't matter." I claimed, getting comfortable into the couch by leaning back into resting my arms on the back. "The ending is the best part."

Ama scoffed and looked at me with shock and an amused smile. "The ending is not the best part. It's the journey, the character development and the people along the way. The ending is just a result of all of it."

I raised my eyebrows at her and pointed at the book with my chin. "Okay, are you going to rant to me about the complexities of a book or are you going to read?"

The waterbender huffed and leaned back, her back lightly touched my arm until I moved it out of the way so that I don't make her uncomfortable. Holding the book up with my fire's light shining on it Ama began reading the last chapter.

I listened to her melodic voice read the words off the page. It sounded so natural, like honey dripped from her tongue. The eloquent words sounded ten times better coming from her.

I can't pinpoint the moment we fell asleep. Her body was resting against mine with her head on my shoulder. My head was resting on her's and my arm around her waist. But I can pinpoint the moment I knew I still loved her. When the stable boy proposed to the princess. Her lips curled upwards at the beautiful moment in the book.

My heart leaped at that smile. Spirits, even after all these years, I was wrapped around her little fingers.

I love Ama of the Southern Water Tribe.

.☽☼☾.

Zuko is a simp for Ama. I hope you enjoyed the Zuko pov. This chapter is very oddly done becuase originally it was two different chapters, but that was too short. Also. Please give any feedback you have or anything else, I'd love to hear it. Love you all lots!

Hang loose, amigos 🤙🏼

#zuko x oc #zuko fanfic #fire lord zuko #waterbender oc #zuko x waterbender oc #her sun his moon #avatar fanfiction

6 notes · View notes

bobasheebaby · 4 years

Text

100 Roseanne Prompts

I usually try to stick to quotes that can work for everyone but some of these were too good to skip. Break at 15 like always. Request a show

1 “Hey, all our lives suck.” — Roseanne

2 “Here's why you can't trust your kids 'cause they're stupid. That's why we don't give 'em cars or booze.” — Roseanne

3 “Etsy is like a yard sale except online because nobody can afford a yard anymore.” — Darlene

4 “All of your relatives died from alcoholism. The ones that didn't drink were killed by the ones who did.” — Roseanne

5 “Did all of your children's deliveries go according to your birth plan?” “Um, they found their way out, if that's what you mean.” — Andrea & Roseanne

6 “You gotta pick your fights in life.” — Roseanne

7 “Okay, he doesn't have to wear pants, but he's gotta wear underwear.” — Dan

8 “It is not my fault that I just happen to be a charismatic person who's always right about everything.” — Roseanne

9 “Why are you picking on me? What, did I take the last doughnut, or something?” — Darlene

10 [Person B is embarrassed after walking in on Person C nursing her baby] “Oh, now, NAME. It's not like you've never seen breasts before.” “NAME’s my friend. As far as I'm concerned, she has no breasts... It works for me, okay?” — Roseanne & Dan

11 “The car has heated seats? Thank God, I thought I was going through the change.” — Roseanne

12 [stoned and laying the bathtub] “Is this the sink? Am I shrinking?” — Jackie

13 “In this house, I'm in charge and father knows squat.” — Roseanne

14 “What's up? I smell fear. I love that smell! But what's up?” — Roseanne

15 “Do you have anything sharp I can stick in my eye?” — Dan

16 “You are really, really gettin' on my nerves today, man! I mean more than usual!” — Dan

17 “Well, you think you can stop me from seeing NAME, huh?” “I think I can stop you from seeing tomorrow.” — Mark & Dan

18 “You were always trying to push us apart. You were always putting me down!” — Mark Healey

19 “My marriage is not based on me listening!” — Roseanne

20 “Why don't you just kiss my butt?” “Well, haul it on over here, Jumbo!” — Becky & Darlene

21 “You are just evil!” — Jackie

22 “Oh good, go for the guilt. You better take a looong, hard look at yourself, NAME, 'cause if you are this obsessed with my life, there is obviously something missing from yours.” “Just figure that out?” — Jackie & Roseanne

23 “I thought you were just gonna go over there and scare him/her?” “Well, it started out that way.” — Roseanne & Dan

24 “Being your own boss isn't that great of a deal. Last week I sexually harassed myself.” — Dan

25 “Hell, even I don't hate her that much.” — Dan

26 “Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous.” “Just don't shoot any milk out of you nose, and you'll be fine.” — Becky & Roseanne

27 “Please, NAME, I don't want you to help me, I just want you to leave me alone ... Please.” — Darlene

28 “Don’t toy with me, NAME.” — Roseanne

29 “We, have had a fight, and we're not speaking to each other.” “Oh, well, what was the fight about? Maybe I can take a side.” — Roseanne & Jackie

30 “He/She wanted to do something; I didn't feel like it.” “Yeah, well, so what are you going to do?” “Nothing.” “That's what you did last weekend!” “Yeah, well I'm not finished.” — Darlene & Roseanne

31 “No, NAME always was the bad influence.” — Roseanne

32 “Talking - it's like yelling, only not as loud.” — Roseanne

33 “Yeah, but you know what they say, NAME. They say, ah, when you really love something you should, you know, make it go away or get rid of it, or whatever.” — Roseanne

34 “You're acting like a crazed psychopath.” [snorts] “Well the voices in my head disagree.” — Dan & Roseanne

35 [on getting married] “I always thought it was the smartest thing I ever did. You obviously don't agree.” “No, I do agree with you, it was the smartest thing you ever did, but we're talking about me now!” — Dan & Roseanne

36 [Person A and Person B bury the hatchet] “So, I guess we've finally approached the end of Bitch-Fest YEAR.” “Oh what a time we had!” — Roseanne & Darlene

37 “You can't tell NAME what to do. She's a big girl!” [snarls] “Compared to who?” — David & Roseanne

38 “What kind of list is he/she making? Not that it's any of my business.” “A hit list.” — Beverly & Dan

39 [feeling for pulse] “I think he’s/she's dead.” [steps back] “Check again.” “I know how to count to zero.” — Roseanne & Dan

40 “What was the second thing you noticed about me?” — Roseanne

41 “Aw, get off the sympathy wagon, NAME; there were plenty of guys/girls standing in line for you to treat 'em like dirt. I was just the lucky one.” — Dan

42 “You are rotten rotten kids, and I can't even believe I'm related to you two!” — Jackie Harris

43 “You'll just do something stupid that you're going to regret later.” — Roseanne

44 “I'm your husband/wife. That's my right.” — Dan

45 [finds present] “You're not going to open it, are you? It's two days away.” “Yea! Well I need time to practice pretending like I like it.” [pulls something ugly from the box] “Oh man, I should'a opened it a week ago.” — Jackie & Roseanne

46 “Oh, this is going to be soooo great!” — Darlene

47 “What's the catch?” “No catch, can't we do something nice?” “I don't know, you never have.” — Roseanne & Becky

48 “Oh my God. You're kidding me!” — Roseanne

49 “Save your breath, NAME, you're not gonna talk me into dropping this lawsuit.” “Well, maybe I can talk you into begging for your life.” — Fred & Roseanne

50 “I'm way more powerful than any law!” — Roseanne

51 “Well NAME, I guess you're just not the man/woman I thought you were ... and I wasn't too happy with that one!” — Roseanne

52 “We should've known, NAME, men stick together no matter how butt headed their argument is.” — Becky

53 [about Person b and person c’s sex life] “You're kidding? You guys have a night?” “Yes, we have a night. It's not only Wednesday, but it's always Wednesday.” You have a time too?” “Yeah. Twenty minutes, or until he gets a cramp.” “Well, you should make him wait half-an-hour after he eats.” — Jackie & Roseanne

54 “Oh, c'mon. Just because you guys aren't having "Wednesday", doesn't mean he’s/she's out ... "Wednesday-ing" somebody else.” — Jackie

55 “What's the matter with you, boy/girl? Can't keep your pants on?” — Dan

56 “Damn women! Who the hell do they think they are!” “We are sugar and spice, and everything nice. So bite me!” — Dan & Roseanne

57 “Have you met NAME?” — Roseanne

58 “Gee, I'd love to NAME, but I'd rather stay home and drill some screws into my toes.” — Darlene

59 “Remember one thing, NAME, I'm your worst nightmare!” — Jackie

60 “You always say how you want better things for us.” “Ah, yea, but I was talking about me and your Dad. You kids already got it too good.” — Becky & Roseanne

61 “You are a controlling bitch!” — Dan

62 “Boy I'll tell you, I wish I had never m - -“ “What? Say it.” “Nothin'.” “Well that makes two of us.“ — Dan & Roseanne

63 “Ooohhh, we all know what this is about, don't we? You're just jealous because I've made something of myself.” “Yeah, an ass ... And where do you get that hoity-toity accent anyway? You're from PLACE!” — Ronnie & Roseanne

64 “I can't believe that I wasted TIME hating you for something as stupid as a wedding, when there's a very good reason to hate you. You're a bitch!” [gasps] “I'm a bitch? Hah! I bow to the queen of all bitches.” — Roseanne & Ronnie

65 “Look me in the eye and tell me it was an accident. And remember ... I can tell when you're lying.” “It was an accident ... could you tell?” — Roseanne & DJ

66 “I could go for something to eat.” “Yeah? Well, then go.” [motions toward the door] — Arnie & Roseanne

67 “You're going to flunk marriage if you can't pass the oral ... oh my God ...” “We know too much, we know too much.” — Dan & Fred

68 “NAME, where'd you get those jelly beans?” “From the bin at store.” “NAME, I told you, you gotta finish eating them while you're in the store, 'else it's stealing!” — Roseanne & DJ

69 “I never thought I would say this ... I'm too depressed to drink.” — Dan

70 “Let's just cut the crap, okay. You're talking to NAME’s mother here, the mother of all mothers and she is majorly mad.” — Roseanne

71 “NAME, NAME, NAME. I have raised two of the best damn liars in the free world. Don't embarrass yourself.” — Roseanne

72 “This is for the pain.” “Owwww. Make it a double.” — Nurse & Jackie

73 “I hate to see you laying here in pain like this.” “Well actually, ever since he/she gave me that shot, I'm feelin' kinda neat.” — Gary & Jackie

74 “I want someone who will love me and support me no matter what. Just like NAME does for you.” “Are you insane! You know how many years I had to put into NAME? You think he/she came out of a box like that!” — Jackie & Roseanne

75 “What do you think your punishment oughta be?” “What do you mean?” “NAME told me everything.” “That little rat.” “But I told him/her I wasn't going to do anything until I get your side of the story.” “Well first we, wait a minute, uh, uh --“ “You're getting good.” — Roseanne & Becky

76 “I worked it out with NAME, he’s/she's gonna stay here and babysit and I'm gonna go out.” “Why would he/she do that?” “I have dirt on him/her. “ “What kind of dirt?” “Now if I told you, I'd have to stay home.” [person a leaves] — Darlene & Roseanne

77 [Person A is acting like a hunchback] “I brought the baggage master, where do you wish me to put it?” “Just put it anywhere Igor.” “Maybe later you and me.” “We'll see.” You're so kind.” [ kisses hand] — Dan & Roseanne

78 [about child’s behavior] “NAME you did stuff like that when you were NAME’s age right?” “No, the boy's odd.” — Roseanne & Dan

79 [offering to the family] “Hey, I got one more pancake.” “I want French toast!” “Well, you better move to Europe.” — Roseanne & DJ

80 [Person A, angry, grabs keys and leaves the house] “Oh God. This is really bad.” “Yeah, I know.” “Oh no. I mean, this is really bad. I'm parked behind him/her.” — Jackie & Dan

81 “Yeah, I do. And we're not going to put him/her through that again, are we?” — Dan

82 [comes in through the front door] “NAME, you all ready to go?” [whining] “I don't wa-haant to-o-o-o! I feel like a used piece of gum that somebody stuck under the table, just waiting for the excitement of drying up and hitting the floor.” — Jackie & Roseanne

83 “You HAVE to take this job ... you're the only one that applied!” — Marsha

84 [grabs the syrup bottle and comes up behind PERSON B] “Remember me, NAME?” [look of terror] “Not Mrs. Butterworth ... please not Mrs. Butterworth.” “Remember how your brother/sister NAME told you how I came to life at night in the cupboard? Remember how I would chase you around even though I have no legs? Well I'm back and I just want one more sticky kiss!” [PERSON B screams] — Roseanne & Jackie

85 “I hope I see you later, I mean, a lot later.” — Roseanne

86 [after the birth] “I didn't call you any horrible names back there, did I?” “No more than usual.” — Roseanne & Dan

87 [about kid dressed as a lawyer] “That's the scariest costume all night.” — Roseanne

88 [going through the candy bowl] “This is all sugar in here.” “Not true, there're chemicals too.” — David & Roseanne

89 “You should be giving children the stuff their bodies need.” [gets fruit from the kitchen] “What the hell is that?” “Wait a minute, honey, I've seen this before, it's food that doesn't come in a wrapper.” “That's unsanitary.” — David, Roseanne & Dan

90 “Did you see the Great Pumpkin last night?” “No, NAME wore pajamas.” — Jackie & Roseanne

91 [discussing Person C] “She's rude and selfish.” “I know, but, inside she's just a ... scared little girl.” Yeah, and I know what's scaring her, the raging bitch on the outside.” — Dan & Roseanne

92 “I'll be back later to give you your present.” “Why can't I just open it now?” “I haven't bought it yet.” — Jackie & Roseanne

93 “And don't you ever feed my dog!” “If I get drunk enough, I'll fight your dog!” — Roseanne

94 “I really don't think it's wise for anyone in this family to be giving away livers.” — Beverly

95 “Say 'I'm not taking any crap from anyone'.” “I am ...” “Stop! It's not 'I am', it's 'I'm'.” “I'm not taking any... do I have to say the C word?” “Yes you do, NAME, because that's the most important word.” “I'm not taking any crap from anyone.” “That was good but are you serving tea, NAME? Get mad and say it.” [louder] “I'm not taking any crap from anyone!” “Good, now personalize it, make it your own.” [louder] “I'm not taking any damn crap from anyone!” — Roseanne & Doris

96 “Hey, where's my 'My other mug is a shot glass' mug?” — Roseanne

97 “Why are you gettin' so mad at me?” “Because you are making me defend NAME.” — Becky & Roseanne

98 “I am not sexist. I'm much too frightened of women to be sexist.” — David

99 “Get me a beer.” “Get it yourself, slob!” — Mark & Darlene

100 “I can't believe you're jealous over this.” “Why not? It's very typical of me.”

#roseanne quotes #roseanne prompts #dialogue prompts #writing prompts #roseanne conner #dan conner #darlene conner #dj conner #becky conner #mark healy #david healy #jackie harris #beverly harris #quaratine sucks and making these keeps my mind busy #i live in covid 19 hell

14 notes · View notes

starryeyedsweetheart · 6 years

Text

What Happened to Us?

Author: @starryeyedsweetheart

Pairing: Peter Parker & Reader

Word Count: 2905

Notes: so this will be part one of four and i am insanely excited about this mini fic hehe

Today is the day. Today is the day that I will finally get over my fears and self doubt and just do what I’ve been wanting to do since fifth grade. I stare at myself in the mirror of my vanity at six in the morning. Despite how dead and tired I look on the outside from my lack of sleep, I can just feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins.

“You’re gonna do it,” I tell my reflection. I point at it and squint my eyes to be somewhat intimidating. “You, a badass bitch, will finally tell Peter Parker you’re in love with him.”

I point to my mirrored image before running my fingers through my hair to look somewhat presentable for today. A stray hair wouldn’t stay in place, and somehow that was enough to end my thirty second confidence.

“Nope,” I declare. “Today is not the day. I will continue to hide my feelings from that idiot of a boy.” Sighing, I tug at the roots of my hair. Never in my life have I had so much built up frustration over one person. Ever since I was eleven years old, I have had this inner battle, one where I lose either way. I just need to tell him.

I don’t care if he doesn’t feel the same way. I don’t care if it ruins the friendship we’ve had since diapers. Okay. No. Wait. That’s a lie. That’s the whole reason I can’t tell him. Peter has been my rock since we were younger, being able to calm me down even when he’s the one freaking out internally. He has been stuck to my side, fighting through thick and thin with me, and I would never trade a petty two month relationship with him for our whole seventeen years of living. I just can’t.

“You don’t need a man,” I tell myself. I tsk to my reflection before straightening out my shirt. “You are a strong, independent person, who don’t need no one.” I frown. “But boy, do you want someone.”

Groaning loudly, I slap my hands to my face and just feel the anger inside of me boil over. “Why can’t you see that I’m in love with you?!”

The door to my bedroom swings open, causing me to release a shrill scream, and the intruder to let out a girlish one as well. Upon seeing the familiar tufts of silky, brown hair and boyish smile that belonged to Peter Parker, I grab the pillow on my bed and hurl it at him. He catches it instantly and I groan in frustration once more.

“Ever heard of knocking, Parker?” I grumble, finally paying attention to my disarray of a backpack.

While I angrily stuff my textbooks into my bag, Peter leaps into my bed, sinking into my duvet and cushions. His dopey smile radiates like the sun on a warm summer day as he peers at me over a pillow that he hugged to his chest. “I haven’t knocked since I was eight,” he chuckles.

I whip around to glare at him. “What if I was changing? What then?”

“You’re acting like I’ve never seen you naked before,” Peter laughs. His laugh sounds like a warm mug of hot chocolate after a whole day of sledding. It just warms you up and makes your chest tingle. I try to tune him out as he rolls over to lie on his stomach and stare at me with his big, brown doe-like eyes. “We used to take baths together, Y/N.”

“Well, yeah,” I say, “that was before puberty though!”

He waves his hand at me to dismiss the conversation. A comfortable silence fell over us for a few seconds before he says, “What were you telling yourself before I walked in?”

A whole pole shoots up my spine and my muscles turn tense. Shaking it off quickly, I reply, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Avoiding eye contact, I can still see Peter laugh and finally slink down my bed until he’s lounging on my carpeted floor. “All I heard was “I’m in love with you!”” he mocks with a girlish voice.

“I do not talk like that,” I spit at him.

“So,” he says. Finally ready, I sling my backpack over my shoulder and turn to face him. From ignoring him since he entered, I didn’t get to see him in all his glory just yet. On my floor, his legs were sprawled out and adorned with some jeans. The blue sweater he wore over his chest was pulled tight in some places, accentuating the muscles he somehow gained over the span of two days way back when. Peter’s brown hair had one clump loosely falling over his forehead, and it was taking everything in me to not lean over and tuck it back. When he goes to speak again, I have to physically shake my head to end my drooling. “Is there someone you’re not telling me about?”

“What?” I question, voice wavering.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” he says, his voice somewhat softer. His silly smile is gone and is replaced by a shy one. My heart jumps in my chest from how soft and huggable he looks.

I really can’t tell you everything. I nibble at my bottom lip before saying, “Yeah, I know.”

“So, are you gonna tell me about this new...guy?”

I cock my brow at him. “Why? You jealous?”

Peter reacts by scoffing and puffing out his chest in some defiant way. I can’t help but laugh at his childishness. “No. I know I’m the number one guy in your life, so I’m not even intimidated,” Peter declares, his voice turning light again after that timid tone earlier.

“Oh, so we’re jealous and cocky now,” I continue to taunt, opening my bedroom door. As I step out, I hear Peter stand up and follow me throughout my apartment.

“Not at all,” he muses. He couldn’t see me, but I was rolling my eyes.

As I go to open the front door to begin our walk to Midtown High, his arm suddenly reaches over me and shuts the door before I could even open it fully. Turning around I was trapped between him and the wall, and I’m pretty sure a piece of my heart just broke off and went to heaven. From the close proximity, I could feel his breath fanning my face, but this was all normal. Being close to Peter was the norm for us. We hugged. We cuddled. We were just us, and I just have to keep reminding myself that everything we do, means absolutely nothing.

“You have pepper spray right?” Peter asks me, his voice suddenly turning serious. I laugh at his concern, earning an awkward chuckle from him. “No, seriously. You’ve seen all that crime and stuff happening. I just want you to be safe.”

“That’s why we have Spiderman.” Peter lets out an extremely forced laugh, causing me to raise my eyebrows at his discomfort. Nudging him lightly to get him off of me (more so to clear my mind of his intoxicating cologne so I could freaking focus), I roll my eyes. “Yes I have my pepper spray, and yes I will be on full alert of wherever I step if that helps you sleep at night.”

Peter swoops in quickly, pecking a chaste kiss to my cheek before pulling away with an excited smile. My breath gets caught in the back of my throat, heart ceasing for a small moment as well at the action. “Yes, that would make me very happy,” he claims.

With that, Peter lets out a heartwarming laugh before opening the door and shoving me aside to leave. While he continues his lively morning with a bunch of laughs and jokes, I can’t help but remind myself that today is the day.

Today is the day that I tell Peter Parker I love him.

---

“Hey, Y/N!” I whip my head around, almost slamming it into the door of my locker when I come face to face with Flash, the boy who has been messing with Peter since the beginning of time. “So, I’m having a party this weekend.”

“Oh,” I say. “I hope you have a great time.” I go to turn and sprint. I’ve never really liked Flash. Probably because he’s been calling my best friend Penis Parker for as long as I can remember.

After my pathetic attempt at an escape, I suddenly feel someone grab at my forearm. I don’t know what paranormal being possessed me in that moment, but for a second there my finger flinched, as if ready to reach for my pepper spray and attack. But then I remember, Flash is as harmless as a spoon. Peter has been brainwashing me into believing that every little thing is threat. Ever since our field trip a couple months ago, Peter’s really amped up his seriousness on safety. I think it has to do with his Uncle Ben. Peter’s been a little off ever since that, but who wouldn’t be?

“I would just like to ask,” Flash mumbles, awkwardly taking his hands off of me. I watch him hesitantly, trying not to show my repulsion too obviously. “Can you come?”

His dark brown eyes seem so sincere, his lips curling into a shy smile. Somewhere deep down was telling me to just go to the party. Maybe even bring Peter and Ned. Possibly drag Michelle Jones if she ever actually sits next to me at lunch and not four chairs away. But, then again, I couldn’t just go to his house, the literal home base of evil.

I go to speak, my face contorting into an expression of pure discomfort, until I suddenly feel someone walk up beside me. “Hey.” To my surprise, Michelle’s standing there, her slumped posture and ratty hair and all. To me, she looks like an angel in disguise. A blessing sent my way. “I was wondering if—“

“Of course I can help you!” I shout, throwing my hands up in the air in a spastic way. I start ushering her towards the cafeteria for lunch. Quickly, I look over my shoulder and say, “Sorry. We’ll talk later. Bye!”

I’m furiously shoving Michelle away. An awkward smile is gracing my face as I maneuver us through the crowds of a high school hallway.

“Okay, I was just gonna ask if you had the English homework,” she grumbles while digging her heels into the ground as soon we’re at the entrance of the lunchroom.

Huffing immensely from the sheer panic of being put on the spot and moving the tallest girl I have ever seen in my life, I had to take a break by leaning against my knees and trying to take deep breaths. Waving her off, I shake my head. “I can um…I can give it to you. Oh my God—I am so out of shape,” I wheeze.

From the corner of my eye, the one where the sweat isn’t blinding me, I see her look at me with her brows furrowed and mouth curled into a grimace. “Your boyfriend over there is looking at you like you’re dying,” Michelle says, eyes looking over my hunched over body.

Slowly standing up, but with my chest still heaving up and down, I turn to see Peter and Ned, looking over at us with concerned faces. In the midst of it, they were speaking to one another, a heated conversation at that.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I correct her. My heart aches for a second there. I shake it off, now realizing my voice dropped about three octaves with my last sentence.

Michelle quirks an eyebrow at me, arms crossing over her chest. “I thought everyone knew you two were in love,” she inquires.

“Okay, no. We are talking about English homework, not my nonexistent love life,” I interrupt.

“You know what?” She smirks. I feel all my confidence shrivel from within me.

“The only thing I know as of right now, is the English homework due next period.”

“I think everyone in the school knows you like Peter, except Peter himself,” she muses. The little live piece of me, the one that somehow hid away during my I’m-dead-inside phase, has officially flew into heaven.

Everyone knows?

“Also,” Michelle adds on. “I think everyone knows that Peter likes you, except...you.”

Nothing could stop the awkward laugh that bubbled past my lips. “Um...aha,” I chuckle. Scratching the back of my neck, I can feel myself start to sweat uncomfortably. “Haha.” Michelle looks at me oddly. “I’m gonna...I’m—aha—leaving.”

With that, I power walk towards my lunch table. I feel that a leisure walk was too slow for running from my problems and a sprint, well that’s just rude. As I approach the table, I can faintly hear Peter and Ned’s voices.

“You can’t just do that.”

“What else am I supposed to do?”

“Not do that!”

“Ned, I have to-”

“What do you have to do?” I ask as soon as I sit down, shocking the two boys.

Both let out a girlish scream, Peter jumping so far up that I was worried for his ass when he slammed back down. Ned holds his hand over his chest, his big brown eyes staring at me in bewilderment.

“Nothing. We aren’t doing anything. Why would we be doing anything?” Ned quickly sputters.

Peter closes his eyes and exhales in defeat. In a moment, his eyes open once more, revealing the pretty brown eyes that always make my heart skip a beat. “How much of that did you hear?” Peter asks me. Just the sound of his smooth voice was enough for me to lose my train of thought.

“Not a lot,” I shrug. “What were you guys talking about though?” Looking up from the table at the sound of the quiet, I find that Peter and Ned were awkwardly shifting in their seats, their eyes meeting every now and then in panic as well. Furrowing my brows, I decide to change the topic. “So, Flash asked me to come to his party this weekend.”

Peter instantly sits up, his eagerness a huge contrast to his fidgety persona two seconds ago. “What’d you say? Are you going?” Ned looks over at his best friend, trying not to laugh at his rapid fire questions.

“I thought I told you I don’t really like him, so no. I’m not going,” I say.

“I kinda wanna go,” Ned mumbles. “I bought a new hat the other day and a party would be a nice place to wear it.”

Laughing, I tell him I’ll let him wear the hat to my house and I’d love it. As Ned rolls his eyes I say, “I have a higher chance of finding out Spiderman’s secret identity than going to one of Flash’s parties.” Looking at the two boys across me, I see their demeanor change once again. I’ll probably ask Peter about it soon, but instead I continue on my talk of the web slinging hero of Queens. “How old do you think he is?” Both boys shrug and I roll my eyes. “I bet he’s really freaking cute under that mask. I would definitely date him.”

Peter chokes on his water, Ned instinctively slamming his hand against his best friend’s back. I instantly start laughing at the sight in front of me as Peter reaches for the napkins and begins to furiously pat at himself.

“Okay, since both you losers are being weird, will you both be back to your normal selves to hang out tonight?” I ask.

Ned’s eyes widen before looking between Peter and I. “No, um, sorry,” he says quickly. “I’m busy. So, it’ll just be you two tonight.”

I nod and look over to Peter who gives me a small smile in conformation. The lunch bell rings, crowds of students coming in and out of the doors. As soon as I get around the table, Ned suddenly pulls me into a tight hug. “Goodbye, Y/N. Hopefully, we can hang out another time soon,” he tells me.

“You’re acting like I’m dying,” I laugh. Ned pulls away, his expression soft as he looks at me, as if it was the last time he’ll see me. “Oh my God,” I say. “I am dying, aren’t I?”

I turn to see Peter, standing there stiffly, hands in pockets and smile ever so slightly sad. I go to grab at his arm to pull him closer, but he shifts last minute. Whether it was intentional, or not my heart aches for a small moment.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” he says softly before he and Ned head out of the cafeteria.

“Well, wasn’t that weird…” I jump in my skin as I whip around to see Michelle, sitting close by, apple in hand with a book in her other. She smirks at me, for that girl never really smiles. “You and loverboy seemed a little off today. Trouble in paradise?” she taunts.

“I’m gonna do it today,” I tell her, not caring anymore about keeping up a front. She quirks a brow at me as I sigh, feeling the weight on my shoulders sink me down lower. Chewing my bottom lip, I smile to myself slightly. “I’m gonna tell Peter I love him today.”

670 notes · View notes

bisexualshrug · 5 years

Note

Uh has anyone given you the OTP numbers either SUPERIOR SHIP Paige & AJ? Cause if not I’m giving it to you. 11. 14. & 17. The ultimate lesbians.

11. Do they get married? Who proposes and how?

Okay so Paige and AJ are JUST friends. I mean, technically, they are BARELY even friends. So they are absolutely NOT in love. That’s ridiculous. Actually, Paige just finds AJ really annoying, but AJ like...won’t leave her alone. So, they hang out or whatever. But not because Paige WANTS to. It’s like...forced on her, alright? Back off.

So, anyways they’ve been kinda friends (NOT in love though) for years. And all of the sudden AJ is pestering her every day about how AJ is lonely and sad when she goes back home. And they should just move into together. Because Paige flies home with AJ more than she goes to her own home (Paige would argue this was not true...she could be wrong). And they are best friends so they would be great roommates. So, after weeks of constant badgering, Paige is like ugh okay fine whatever. Let’s live together. And AJ is happy and excited and kisses Paige on the cheek which is gross and DOESN’T feel nice.

And then AJ is like ok! Let’s pack your stuff and move into my place in Colorado. And Paige is like...don’t you live in New Jersey?? And AJ is like nope ! Moved to Colorado a month ago. Which is exactly when AJ started pestering Paige about moving into together. Which is weird. And makes Paige a little paranoid but whatever fine. Paige doesn’t really care where they live because they’ll be on the road most of the time anyway.

So they move in together in Colorado. And it’s kind of weird. I mean, Paige and AJ aren’t there often. But whenever they are, all the couples in the apartment complex wanna go out with them? And it’s very double date like but AJ assures Paige that everyone knows it’s not. But AJ always grabs Paige’s hand on the not double dates and clings to her and kisses her cheek again. Which is all gross and weird...but Paige just doesn’t push her off because hurting AJ is basically just kicking a puppy. And Paige doesn’t wanna look at her dumb completely NOT cute pouty face.

But everyone in the entire complex is ALSO really weird. They stop her in the hallways and are like “How are you and AJ doing? Still happy? Going strong?” And like...why are these people so intense about roommates?? Paige just lives with AJ. And travels with her. And works with her. And spends almost all of her time with her. But none of that involves sex so they clearly are not dating. And sex with AJ? Ew no no no. Paige is NOT attracted to her. She’s especially not attracted to AJ when she climbs into Paige’s bed at night in extremely tiny shorts and insists they need to cuddle and- whatever okay she doesn’t need to justify herself to you

But then she’s walking back to their apartment with food from AJ’s favorite takeout place one day and their neighbor stops Paige and tries to have a conversation with her. Which is mostly just annoying bc Paige is hungry and also AJ is waiting for her and this is supposed to be their last night at home before going back on the road. But anyways Paige is half listening to this lady when she suddenly asks “How is your wife doing?” And Paige is like great this woman doesn’t even know who she is. So Paige is like “Oh, you must be mistaking me for someone else. I’m Paige. I live in this apartment right here.” And the woman laughs “Oh yes. With your wife! Short one, quirky but very sweet.” Paige freezes and is like “excuse me a moment.”

And then rushes inside her apartment. AJ sees her and grabs the food and kisses her on the cheek. And Paige just stares at her in disbelief. And finally forces out “Why did our neighbor think we’re married?” And instantly AJ drops the food on the counter and freezes. Paige can already feel a migraine coming on. AJ slowly turns around and laughs “About that” and then makes a run for the door. But Paige grabs her by the waist before she can escape and wrestles her down to the couch.

And what follows is the most insane story Paige has ever heard in her entire life. AJ was...trying to common law marry Paige....behind her back. Without telling her!!! Without dating her!! AJ has been trying to MARRY her for MONTHS. She told Paige that she did research and in Colorado the requirements for common law marriage are cohabitation (check), a reputation of being married (check...thanks to AJ telling everyone in their apartment complex of their common law marriage), conduct which demonstrates intent (okay how the HELL did AJ file their taxes as joint MARRIED and Paige DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT IT), and the final one being consent. AJ said she had everything but the last one, which she was working on.

Paige sits on the couch in disbelief, frozen still for an entire 15 minutes. No movement. No speaking. Just staring at the wall. AJ is... she’s CRAZY. She’s INSANE. What the HELL is wrong with her??? Paige is just going to stand up, pack her things, and move the hell out of this apartment. Get the hell out of here while she still can...Wait why isn’t she standing?? GET UP. LEAVE. GET OUT OF HERE. FREE YOURSELF WOMAN.

But the only thing Paige can do is turn and look at AJ. Who is staring at her worriedly with tears in her eyes. Nervously playing with her hair, but eyes never wavering from Paige’s.

Oh God. Why. Why Why Why

Paige kisses her.

14. Are there any love rivals?

Paige hates CM Punk with a burning fiery passion. Because AJ has this almost hero worship, mentor relationship with him going on. “Oh Punk is so funny. He’s so smart. Did you watch his match last night? Pipebomb pipebomb pipebomb.” If Paige hears “Punkie” one more time she’s gonna punch a hole through a wall.

AJ does not do all of this on purpose because Paige is hot when she’s jealous. And Punk is definitely not in on it (he is. They’re both evil shits).

17. Describe or write a really fluffy scene.

I’m going to save writing an entire Paige/AJ scene later. Although that day might very well come. But not today. Because my marriage description answer was already too god damn long sdlsd

Here’s a description of After Paige Finds Out about the common law marriage. After Paige composes herself, she gives AJ a long, emphatic lecture about how it’s wrong to marry people without their permission and shouldn’t you already be aware of this?? And AJ very seriously listens to her the entire time, looking like she’s absorbing information she’s never heard of before in her entire life. And at the end AJ is just like “Gotcha. No more marrying you behind your back. Makes sense.” And Paige is like how the hell do I wanna kiss this girl right now and not get a restraining order??

But she DOES just want to kiss AJ. And sitting here thinking about it? Okay she also probably wants to hold AJ’s hand more and go on (real) dates and buy AJ chocolate on Valentine’s Day and not ever move out. All the gross disgusting couple stuff. Oh and sex. Yeah absolutely she wants sex. 100%.

So after finishing her lecture she asks AJ out on their first official date. And AJ squeals loudly and literally leaps in Paige’s arms, legs wrapped tightly around her waist. And Paige closes her eyes and tries to clear every single dirty thought out of her mind. Because they haven’t even been on a date yet, and Paige knows how to treat a woman.

So Paige plans out the date and they get ready in their separate rooms. And Paige snuck out earlier that day and bought AJ this comic series she knows AJ has been wanting for weeks. So she knocks on AJ’s room door and hands AJ the comics. And AJ geeks out and Paige is barely able to stop her from canceling the date to hide away in her room until she’s read the entire series. Then, AJ kisses her in thanks and Paige can feel herself grinning like an idiot. She schools her features back into place bc she’s not some schoolgirl with a crush here.

Paige takes AJ to an arcade and AJ is like an excited kid. Literally, she spends part of the night actually playing an actual child at airhockey and losing (on purpose to make the kid smile). And Paige plays games with her too but watches her sometimes. And it’s fun. But God...AJ is so beautiful. The night is perfect. AJ has a blast. And she’s carrying around the biggest armful of tickets in the entire place. She’s passing by kids who are staring at her tickets in literal awe.

Then...before they get to the counter. A fan comes up. She’s a little girl. Maybe around 7. And her Mom says she’s AJ’s biggest fan. And AJ grins so wide and shoves all her tickets into Paige’s arms. She scoops the girl up into a hug and excitedly starts talking to her. Even though they were about to leave, AJ plays a few games with the girl and then takes a picture with her. Gives her one last hug. Then walks over to Paige. She takes her tickets back. But then she walks back over to the girl and gives the girl all of her tickets.

The Mom is beyond thankful and the little girl looks at AJ like she’s her superhero. And then AJ walks with her to the counter. The little girl happily gets one of the biggest prizes on the shelf and thanks AJ with the tiniest, cutest voice Paige thinks she’s ever heard. The Mom and daughter leave after that and AJ skips back over to Paige happily and kisses her on the cheek. She asks if Paige is still ready to go and Paige just stares at her and nods dumbly.

AJ smiles and grabs her hand, tugging her out of the arcade. On the way back, AJ mentions how cute the girl was but says nothing else about it. Instead she talks happily about how much fun the night was with Paige and how perfect of a first date it was.

And Paige drives the car trying her best to listen. But the only thing she can think about is how kind AJ was to that little girl. And how she doesn’t think a single other person on the WWE roster (herself included) would have done all that. And AJ did it without a single hesitation. When she didnt have to. God help her.

This woman is absolutely crazy. But...maybe.. it wouldn’t be so bad to be married to her after all..

#bc idk what to tag them as #paige/aj #paige #aj lee #this is long as FUCK #damn #i love them #OG lesbians #rheaschild

11 notes · View notes

mrsevans1328 · 6 years

Text

215 Cute Prompt List

Please feel free to submit a request and reblog. Just some basic rules:

1) This list is purely for fluff blurbs/imagines. I am working on a different list for smut prompts/blurbs etc. So please do not request any smut from this list, thank you

2) Pick a prompt (obviously), and a character from the list below :

Shawn Mendes - Dylan O’Brien/Stiles Stilinski - any Teen Wolf character or their respective actor/actress - Tom Holland/Peter Parker

3) Please do not request a prompt that I have already written or am in the process of writing. Finished prompts will have a “ ** “ by it, works in progress will have “ ~ “ by it, followed by who the character in the blurb is. Only reason for this is there are over 200 prompts available to choose from. Once the list gets fuller, I will make repeats available.

***Note: I did not come up with these prompts on my own!! I do not claim ownership for any of these prompts!! I pulled all of these prompts from a mixture of different prompt lists already on Tumblr.

Thank you for the submissions, I love you all!! xxx

1. “ Not you again.. “

2. “ Leave me alone. “

3. “ Why do you hate me? ”

4. “ I lost the baby. ” ~ Shawn Mendes

5. “ I don’t need you anymore. ”

6. “ We cant keep this up forever. ”

7. “ You’re a disappointment. ”

8. “ Don’t die on me– Please. ”

9. “ I never meant to hurt you. ” ~ Dylan O’Brien

10. “ Are you upset with me? ” ** - Shawn Mendes

11. “ I’m going to kill you! ”

12. “ Please don’t hurt me like this. ”

13. “ Dont call this number again. “

14. “ Why did you spare me? ”

15. “ I’m sick. ”

16. “ I’m dying. ”

17. “ I wish i’d never met you. ”

18. “ I thought we were family!”

19. “ There was never an us. ”

20. “ I fucked up. ”

21. “ I came to say goodbye. ”

22. “ I don’t deserve to be loved. ”

23. “ About the baby… Its yours. ” ~ Shawn Mendes

24. “ Dance with me! ”

25. “ Isn’t this amazing? ”

26. “ I wish we could stay like this forever. ”

27. “ Will you marry me? ”

28. “ I’m pregnant. ” ** - Shawn Mendes

29. “ I’m going to keep you safe. ”

30. “ Do you trust me? ”

31. “ Can I kiss you right now? ”

32. “ You’re cute when you’re angry. ”

33. “ We’d make such a cute couple. ”

34. “ I want to take care of you. ”

35. “ Can we cuddle? ”

36. “ It’s lonely here without you. ”

37. “ Shut up and kiss me already. ” ** - Shawn Mendes

38. “ Is that my shirt? ”

39. “ How did we get here? ”

40. “ You own my heart. ”

41. “ You’d be a great dad. ”

42. “ I want to protect you. ”

43. “ You’re so beautiful. ”

44. “ Is that a new perfume? ”

45. “ Stop being so cute. ”

46. “ You’re making me blush! ”

47. “ You’re teasing me again… ”

48. “ This is why I fell in love with you. ”

49. “ Oh, Are you ticklish? ”

50. “ Of course I remembered! ”

51. “ You’re one hell of a guy. ”

52. “ Are you jealous? ”

53. “ Stop hogging all the blankets! ”

54. “ Are you drunk? ”

55. “ We cant go in there… ”

56. “ Well this is just great. ”

57. “ Don’t touch me. ”

58. “ Not sure if you could tell, but I’m not exactly a people person. ”

59. “ I don’t remember that! ”

60. “ Get that thing away from me! ”

61. “ You owe me. ”

62. “ Do you believe in ghosts? ”

63. “ Are you hitting on me? ”

64. “ You did what?! ”

65. “ Why are you bleeding? ”

66. “ Where did all these puppies come from?”

67. “ Don’t make me come over there myself! ”

68. “ That wasn’t funny. ”

69. “ Are you mad at me? ”

70. “ Can I borrow that book of yours?”

71. “ Let me help you with that. ”

72. “ Take that back! ”

73. “ I brought you your coffee. ”

74. “ Don’t fuck this up. ”

75. “ I haven’t slept in four days… ” ~ Shawn Mendes

76. “ Your turn to do the dishes. ”

77. “ Was I really that drunk? ”

78. “Give me back my phone! ”

79. “ Are you cold? ”

80. “ This place gives me the creeps. "

81. “ It’s just your imagination. ”

82. “ Stop being such a baby. ”

83. “ Go back to bed. ”

84. “ Are you okay? ”

85. “ What on earth are you wearing? ”

86. “ Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night. ”

87. “ Put me down! ”

88. “ There’s only one bed… ” ~ Shawn Mendes

89. “ It isn’t what it looks like! Okay.. Maybe it is… ”

90. “ How did I loose it? ”

91. “ I read your diary. ” ** - Shawn Mendes

92. “Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.” ~ Shawn Mendes

93. “I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.” ~ Shawn Mendes

94. “And you wonder why you’re still single.” ~ Shawn Mendes

95. “That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?”

96. “Were you dropped on your head?”

97. “Sorry. I don’t speak skank.”

98. “If I survive, can I go home?”

99. “My middle finger salutes you.”

100. “I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.”

101. “I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.”

102. “Oh darling. Go buy a brain.”

103. “Somebody’s cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.” ~ Shawn Mendes

104. “Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”

105. “What did I tell you about calling her/him the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?”

106. “I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”

107. “I need therapy after this.”

108. “You didn’t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.”

109. “I turned out liking you a lot more that I originally planned.”

110. “If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur.”

111. “I’m afraid I’ve been thinking…” “A dangerous pastime.”

112. “I’d explain it to you, but you’re brain would explode.”

113. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”

114. “Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”

115. “She’s hot, but she’s evil.”

116. “Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.”

117. “I already know that I’m going to hell. At this point it’s really go big or go home.”

118. “You’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers and people who talk at the theater.”

119. “I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.”

120. “So stick that in your juice box and suck it.”

121. “A little gasoline… blowtorch… no problem.”

122. “Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.”

123. “I know you can’t kill anybody, ‘cause I can’t kill anybody.”

124. “You’re insane, but you might also be brilliant.”

125. “Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.”

126. “I like you. You’re different.”

127. “Wow, somebody needs a Happy Meal.”

128. “I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”

129. “Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”

130. “Well behaved woman rarely make history.”

131. “The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.”

132. “You haven’t even seen my bad side yet.”

133. “How’s life treating you?” “Like I ran over it’s dog.”

134. “Rule number one: don’t bother sucking up. I already hate you, that’s not going to change.”

135. “You make no sense to me.” “Welcome to my life.”

136. “Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.”

137. “I made a new friend today.” “Real or imaginary?” “Imaginary.”

138. “Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.”

139. “Do us a favor… I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try no to do anything…stupid.”

140. “I know most people don’t like me; I don’t care, I don’t like most people.”

141. “I didn’t steal it. I permanently borrowed it.”

142. “If you pull out my earphones, I will pull out your lungs.”

143. “Are you crying?" "No, I’m impersonating a fountain.”

144. “You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?”

145. “My advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.”

146. “I’m just gonna pack up and go straight to hell now.”

147. “My ex? Yeah, I’d still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or baseball bat.”

148. “And just like everything else we do around here, it’s about to get weirder.”

149. “Such big evil in such a little thing.”

150. “Why do I still like you, knowing you’re a total asshole?”

151. “And hello to you too… little home wrecker.”

152. “I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.”

153. “What doesn’t kill me might make me kill you.”

154. “In another life, I think I was in a mental institution.”

155. “I’m not crazy. I’m just interesting.”

156. “This is fun.” “Seriously, we’re trying to hide a body.”

157. “ She’s not yours. “

158. “ There is no us, there never was. “

159. “ Why didn’t you tell me? “

160. “ If lies keep spewing from those lips then i’ m walking out that door. “

161. “ Are you ever going to listen? “

162. “ Don’t leave me. Don’t you dare leave me. “

163. “ Shhh. I know. “ ~ Tom Holland

164. “ Tell me a story. “

165. “ Leave. Before we wake up regretting what we’ve done. “

166. “ All he ever did was use you. Why can’t you see that? “

167. “ Alcohol’s the only constant in my life. “

168. “ I was doing fine. Really, and then you waltz back in like you didn’t break my heart. “

169. “ You’re married!! “

170. “ He’s a fuck-boy and he’s never going to treat you better than this. “

171. “ H-how long? “

172. “ You still wear my hoodie? “

173. “ I’m too sober for this bullshit. “

174. “ How did you imagine our future together? “

175. “ That was supposed to be me, not him. “ ~ Dylan O’Brien

176. “ I didn’t have a choice. “

177. “ Compromise. "

178. “ His finger was right on the trigger but he wasn’t fast enough. “

179. “ Leave him and marry me. “

180. “ It’s okay if you have to go. “

181. “ Always and forever. “

182. “ You always cared more about her than you ever did about me. “

183. “ You had a kid and decided to walk out. You don’t get to call the shots round here. “ ~ Shawn Mendes

184. “ I fell for you. “

185. “ Daddy, how did you and mommy fall in love? “

186. “ I‘m never going to be good enough for you, am i? “

187. “ He already boarded the plane. We’re too late. “

188. “ That look in his eyes. That was enough to tell me he didn’t feel the same anymore. “

189. “ Who the hell abandons someone they ‘love’? “

190. “ The moment you saw me as a bet was the moment you fucked up. “

191. “ Meet me upstairs in 10. “

192. “ One more chance. “

193. “ It doesn’t have to be that way. Come with me. “

194. “ I don’t love you. “

195. “ You were my everything. “

196. “ You’re never seeing either of us again. “

197. “ Trust you? You don’t know the meaning of the word. “

198. “ You made me feel loved and wanted and for that, I’ll always love you.”

199. “ She’s lost without you. “ ~ Shawn Mendes

200. “ Don’t you get it? I’m in love with you and it scares the hell out of me. “ ~ Tom Holland

201. “ I want to be alone. “

202. “ D-did i ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are? “

203. “ Step out that door and i swear we’re done. “

204. “ What right did you have keeping it from me? “

205. “ Running seems to be all you’re good at. “

206. “ What the fuck is it that’s so funny? “

207. “ She always burned so brightly. “

208. “ We aren’t even in the same book, let alone the same page. “

209. “ I don’t want to live in a world where I’m not with you. “

210. “ Your hair still looks so good. “

211. “ You say this is what you want but your eyes are telling me a different story.“

212. “ Murder was apart of the agenda for today. “

213. “ What if i just break his nose a lil’? “

214. “ Hurry up, before we regret it. "

215. “Didn’t you read the sign?"

130 notes · View notes

krat395 · 6 years

Text

How To Make A Lizard, Ghost, and Robot Laugh (Chapter 3)

Chapter 3 of this story. In Chapter 2, it was revealed that Frisk and Chara made plans to tickle the living daylights out of MK and what started out as playful teasing tickles ultimately resulted in the two girls tying him up and getting him ready for a fun-filled "playful" tickle torture. 8D Undertale(c) Toby Fox.

**********************************************

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

**********************************************

HOW TO MAKE A LIZARD, GHOST, AND ROBOT LAUGH

Chapter 3: A Lizard’s Tickle Torture

After about ten minutes of continuous affection, Frisk and Chara officially began their large ticklish assault on MK.

Chara: Alright. 3… 2… 1…

MK: (OH NO!!)

Frisk and Chara: TICKLE ATTACK!!

In a matter of seconds, Frisk skittered her fingers all along MK’s torso and Chara skittered her fingers all along his soles. What followed was several squeaks and hysterical laughter from the young lizard boy.

MK: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!! AHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAAAHA!!!!!! *squeak* NOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!! AHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAA!!!!!! DOHOHOHOHOHOHHON’T TIHIHHIIHIHIICKLE MY FEEHEEHEEHEET!!!!!! *squeak* BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! *squeak* FWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!! STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAP!!!!!! *squeak*

Chara: No can do MK! Your cute feet have gone untickled long enough!

MK: YOOHOOHOOU THIHIHIHIHIHIHINK MY FEEHEEHEEHEET AHAHAHHAHAHAHAARE CUHUHUHUHUTE CHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHARA?!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA!!!!!!

Chara: Of course I do MK! They’re some of your greatest assets!

MK: *confused* SEHEHEHEHEHEHERIIHIHIHIHIOUSLY?!!!!!! AAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!

Frisk: Heck yeah! You may not know it MK, but there are several students at school who are jealous of you and Asriel! Ourselves included!

MK: JEHEHEEHHEHEHHEALOUS?!!!!!! WHAHAHAHAHAHTEHEHEHEHEVER DO YOOHOOOHOOU MEEHEEHEEHEEAN?!!!!!!

Chara: We’ll tell you later Lizzy Boy!

Frisk: Heck yeah we will! In the meantime, we’re just gonna keep tickling you to pieces!

MK: (Why the heck are people jealous of me?!) BUHUHUHUT I WAHAHAHAHAHAHANNA KNOHOHOHOHOOOHOOHOHOW!!!!!! PLEEHEEHEEHEEHEEASE TEHEHEHEHEHELL MEEHEEHEEHEE!!!!!! HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!

Frisk: Calm down MK, you’ll find out soon enough! *both Frisk and Chara tickle MK faster and harder*

MK: NAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!! *squeak* MEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHOHOHOHOHOAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

MK was very surprised to hear that there are students at school who are jealous of him and Asriel, and he is very curious as to why. One of the reasons why students are jealous of MK and Asriel is because the two boys never have to wear shoes. MK, Asriel, and other barefooted monsters are able to perform activities such as sports and hiking without any footwear. They are also able to walk on scorching hot surfaces, sub-zero temperature snow, gravel roads, etc. with hardly any damage to their feet. Many students wish they could walk around barefoot like MK and Asriel, but they can’t because their feet just aren’t durable like theirs are and they all need their shoes to protect their feet from damage. The students also think that MK and Asriel’s feet are more appealing to look at than their own feet and some have described the boys’ feet as “awesome looking” in addition to “cute.” And that’s just one of the reasons why students are jealous of MK and Asriel. There are many more reasons as to why they’re jealous; such as Asriel having fur (due to it being incredibly soft and providing him warmth during winter) and MK having a tail (A lot of human students wish they had a tail like MK’s).

About five minutes later, Frisk and Chara stopped to give MK a breather. And MK’s going to need it too. He’s still has A LOT of tickling to go through today!

MK: *breathing heavily* Come on guys. Just tell me why students are jealous of me! I really wanna know!

Chara: MK, you need to learn how to wait! Our friend Patty could give some excellent pointers in that regard!

MK: Come on, this is torture not knowing!

Frisk: You’ll find out soon enough MK. Right now we want you to rest before we tickle you again. We’re not anywhere close to being done yet you precious cinnamon roll. *pinches MK’s left cheek*

MK: *blushing*

Chara: Awww, look at him blush. Isn’t he cute Frisk?

Frisk: He sure is Chara. *talking in a silly voice and teasing MK with light tickles to his belly* Ain’t that right Mr. Tickly Lizzy? *starts making funny faces and making goofy sounds*

MK: *laughing at both tickles and Frisk acting silly* Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Frihihihihisk! Hahahahahaahahaa!

As Frisk playfully teased MK, Chara walked out of the room to grab a few things before she and Frisk resume their ticklish assault on MK. A few minutes later, Chara returned with a large bag of numerous tickling utensils including the rainbow feather she used to tickle her mother last Saturday and Frisk’s stick (the same stick she used in the Underground).

Chara: Check out what we’ve got in store for you MK!

Chara showed MK the assortment of tickling utensils and as she did so, she briefly tickled MK’s nose with her rainbow feather to tease him.

MK: Hahahahhahahahahahaha!! Nohhohohohohoho!! *sneezes*

Chara: Aww, did the lizard boy just sneeze?

Frisk: Chara, come on. That wasn’t necessary. *scratches MK’s nose for him to get rid of the tickly feeling* (Aww, I was hoping I would hear a kitten sneeze.)

Chara: Sorry Frisk.

MK: *frightened* Are you guys insane?! I’ll lose my mind if you use those things!

Frisk: Thanks for telling us Mr. Cutie.

MK: When I get out of here, I’m gonna get the two of you back so bad!

Chara: You can try MK, but Frisk and I WILL be able to stop you! Now do us a favor and just relax for us.

MK: How the hell can I relax when I know you’re going to tickle me even more?! And with utensils no less!

Frisk: Just take a deep breath MK, and let Chara and I work our magic.

MK: Magic, what magic?

Frisk: This magic. *does something to MK*

MK: *moan* Oh my god, Frisk that feels so wonderful! Thank you! Thank you!

Chara: *cooing* Shhhhhh. *places her index finger over MK’s mouth* No talking MK. Relax. *also does something to MK*

MK: *moan of pure happiness* Whatever you say you lovely angels. *so relaxed that he doesn’t realize what he just said* (Wait, what did I just say?!)

Right now, MK is the most relaxed he’s ever been. The reason for this is because… Frisk is giving him an amazing foot rub and Chara is lovingly caressing his upper body. MK has been very annoyed with the girls (at least it appeared that way to them) and they thought that showing him some more affection would help calm him down. Frisk and Chara have been giving each other foot rubs during the past month and a half and with all the practice they’ve had, both of them are now very efficient when it comes to giving them. They have yet to master how to rub Asriel’s feet however because every time they try giving him a foot rub, they just wind up tickling him. MK absolutely loves the attention Frisk is giving to his feet and Frisk and Chara are planning to treat him to an even better foot rub later. Right now, Frisk is only giving MK a taste of what to expect later because they are by no means finished tickling him yet.

Four minutes later, Frisk started coating both of MK’s yellow three-toed feet with a strange substance.

MK: *startled* Aah! Aaahhhh! Aaaaahhhh!

Chara: What’s the matter Lizzy Boy?

MK: Something cold just touched my feet! Frisk, what’s happening?!

Frisk: *continues applying the strange substance* No need to worry MK. I’m just applying some MTT-brand massage oil to your feet to make the foot rub feel even better! *with an evil grin* (The oil’s going to do something else too!)

MK: Is it supposed to be that cold?!

Chara: At first, yes. But that’s nothing compared to what it’s going to do in a matter of seconds.

MK: Wait, what do you mean by that?

A few seconds later, MK’s feet started tingling like crazy. The tingling feelings were very strong and as a result, they made MK incredibly nervous. MK has never had such strong tingling feelings in his feet before. So this is a brand new feeling to him.

MK: *very nervous* Aaahh! Aaahhhh! My feeeeeet! They’re tingling like crazy! Aaaaahhh! Why are they doing that?! Aaaaahhhhh!

Frisk: MK, calm down! That just means the oil’s taking effect. That tingling feeling will wear off in a minute or so.

MK: Gah! I hope you’re right! Oooohhh! Gaaaahhhh! This feels so weird!

About one minute later, the tingling feelings disappeared and MK’s feet were ready to be rubbed again.

MK: Hey Frisk, my feet aren’t tingling anymore. Does that mean…

Frisk: Yes MK, I can resume the foot rub. *starts rubbing MK’s feet again*

MK: *a huge moan of pure happiness* Oh my goodness, that does feel better! Now I understand why you wanted to put that stuff on my feet Frisk.

Frisk: I told you MK. *evil grin* (Little do you know, that’s not the only reason I applied the oil.)

Now that MK’s feet are coated with MTT-brand massage oil (It’s soothing for robots and ghosts as well as monsters and humans), Frisk and Chara can start their large ticklish assault on MK. MK believes that the only reason Frisk applied the oil was to make the foot rub more relaxing for him. He has absolutely no idea that the primary reason Frisk applied the oil was to make his already super ticklish feet even more ticklish. :D And the effects of the MTT-brand massage oil last for at least one hour. :)

After one minute of rubbing MK’s oil-covered feet, Frisk signaled over to Chara to wrap things up. Chara then stopped caressing MK’s upper body so she could position herself next to the young boy’s feet where Frisk currently is. Chara thought that MK was going to get all nervous once she stopped showing affection to his torso, but he was so relaxed from the foot rub that he didn’t even turn his head. As soon as Chara got all situated, she grabbed two hairbrushes and handed one of them to Frisk.

Chara: Ready Frisk?

Frisk: You know it Chara. *stops rubbing MK’s feet*

A few seconds later, Frisk and Chara rapidly scrubbed MK’s soles with the hairbrushes. Frisk scrubbed his right foot and Chara scrubbed his left foot and the very moment those hairbrushes touched his soles, MK unleashed lots and lots of extremely hysterical and maniacal laughter. This time however, it was different. Due to the effects of the massage oil, MK was laughing at a much louder volume than normal. And he was laughing more hysterically and maniacally than normal.

MK: BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! NOHOHOHOHOHOHHOOHOHOOHOHO!!!!!!!!! GUYS!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! GOHOHOHOHOHHOOHOHO BAHAHAHAAHACK TO RUHUHUHUHUBBING MY FEEHEEEHEEHEEHEET!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!! I LIHIHIHIHIKED THAHHAHAHAHAAT!!!!!!!!! GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!! (What the hell?! Why are my feet more ticklish all of a sudden?!)

MK’s already super ticklish feet are now MORE TICKLISH! MK is very confused as to why his feet are more ticklish and he’s way too busy laughing his head off to figure out why. All he knows is that he can feel EVERY SINGLE BRISTLE of the hairbrushes scrubbing rapidly against his suddenly more sensitive soles. And DEAR GOD they tickle so much! Poor kid can’t stop laughing to save his own life! Just as Frisk and Chara intended.

Chara: We know you did MK! And we might give you another one later if you if you’re REALLY GOOD!

Frisk: Yeah MK! We made plans to tickle you today, and that is what we intend to do!

Chara: Heck yeah! We’re gonna tickle you until you can’t feel a thing Lizzy Boy!

Frisk and Chara then started scrubbing much faster with the hairbrushes.

MK: NOHOHOHHOHOOHOOHOOHHOOOHOOHOHO!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAIHIHIHIHIHIHIHWHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHBABABAKAKAKAKA HOHOOHHOOOHOEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEHEEGAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Chara: *teasing MK* Yehehehehes! *evil laugh*

MK: GAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream*

Frisk and Chara: *both of them stop tickling MK*

Chara: MK, what the hell was that?!

MK: *breathing heavily and is a giggling mess despite not being tickled at the moment* I’m nahahahahahat suhuhuhuhuhure!! Heeheeheeheeheehee!!

Frisk: Well; whatever is was, it sounded really unusual. I mean, I’ve tickled you more times than I can imagine and I’ve never heard you make a sound like that.

For the first time ever, MK has let out a high-pitched “lizard scream” while being tickled. It caught Frisk and Chara completely by surprise that it made them stop tickling his feet upon hearing it. Frisk has tickled MK’s feet numerous times before and that never happened and the only thing the she and Chara are wondering now is what they did differently to make the young lizard boy scream the way he did.

MK: *giggles have stopped* I know! But guys, I have to ask you something. Why are feet more ticklish all of a sudden?!

Upon hearing what MK just asked her and Chara, Frisk realized what might possibly be the cause of MK’s “lizard scream”.

Frisk: Wait a second; I think I might know what’s going here. *scrubs MK’s right foot*

MK: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAAHAAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHA!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* OHOHOHHOHOOOHOOHOHOHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream*

Frisk figured it out. MK’s letting out several “lizard screams” due to the effects of the massage oil. This is similar to Asriel bleating every time someone/something tickles him in one of his worst spots (which he has several of). Except unlike MK with his “lizard screams”, no massage oil is necessary to make Asriel bleat.

Frisk: I was right! It’s because of that oil Chara! Since his feet are more ticklish now, that’s what’s causing him to make those sounds!

Chara: Ah, yes! That makes much more sense now!

MK: AHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAT?!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* YOOHOOHOOHOOOHOOU MAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHADE MY FEEEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEHEET MOHOHOOHOHOHHORE TIHIIHIHIHHIHIHIHHICKLISH?!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream*

Chara: Why yes, we did Lizzy Boy! Now do us a favor… AND LAUGH!!! *scrubs MK’s left foot*

MK: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!! FWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHEEHOHOHOHOHOAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* NAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!! YOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOU JEHEHHEHEHHEHEHEEHEHEERKS!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream*

Frisk: *flirting* Oh how we love your sweet, adorable laughter MK!

Chara: *cooing* We just can’t get enough it! Hahahahaha!

MK doesn’t know what to think right now. One moment the girls were being angels to him and then the next moment, they’re tickle torturing him. He enjoys being tickled but tickle torture is just too much for him and the two girls have absolutely no intentions of easing up on him. And now with his feet being rendered more ticklish, he’s doomed.

Chara: Coochie coochie coo Lizzy Boy!

Frisk: Tickle, tickle, tickle! Tickle, tickle, tickle!

MK: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEBABA KAAKAKKAKAKAKAKATATATATATATATATAHOHOHOHOHHOHHOOHOBWEEHEEHEEHEEHEE HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOOGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA AWAHAHAHAAHAHAGAGAGABABAHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEFWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* AHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHIHHIIHHOHOHOHO HOHOOHOHOHHOOHOKAAKKAKAKKAHAHAHAHHAHAHABABABABABABAKAKAKAKAKAKAAKA LALALALALALALAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream*

For one hour, Frisk and Chara tickled MK in 12 different ways (Five minute intervals with short breaks in between) and there wasn’t a single moment when the two girls weren’t working together to make him unleash laughter that was too pure for this world. Throughout the entire thing, Frisk and Chara tickled MK with many tickling utensils in addition to their fingers and they consistently flirted with him (Frisk, more than Chara) and teased him with extremely goofy tickle talk.

First, Frisk and Chara scrubbed every inch of his soles with 2 hairbrushes. They alternated between fast and slow motions with them as time went by.

Second, Frisk and Chara tickled his feet with 4 electric toothbrushes. They paid particular attention to his balls and toes (under his toes especially but also in between them).

Third, Chara scrubbed his soles with the 2 hairbrushes (She paid particular attention to his balls and under his toes) while Frisk tickled his upper body with 2 toothbrushes (She focused primarily on his belly, bellybutton, ribs and underarms).

Fourth, Chara tickled his feet with her rainbow feather (She poked his soles and toes with the quill and used the feathery end to tickle his soles and in between his toes) and Frisk used her stick to tickle his upper body (She moved it slowly against his sensitive skin and gently poked him it).

Fifth, Chara used her rainbow feather to tickle his upper body (She wiggled the feathery end of the feather to primarily tickle his belly, bellybutton, underarms, and neck and poked him with the quill every now and then) and Frisk tickled his feet with her stick (She moved it slowly all over his soles and in between his toes and poked his soles and toes with it).

Sixth, Chara tickled his feet with 2 combs (She focused primarily on his balls and the under his toes again) and Frisk used Chara’s rainbow feather to tickle his torso (She did thing Chara did moments ago, but in a much flirtier manner).

Seventh, Frisk tickled MK’s soles with 2 toothbrushes while Chara sawed in between his toes with the 2 combs.

Eighth, Frisk and Chara blew several raspberries all over his the front side of his torso. Frisk primarily blew raspberries on his belly and Chara primarily blew raspberries on his chest.

Ninth, Frisk sat on MK and scribbled her fingers all along his neck, collarbones, and ribs and tickled his underarms and sides with her feet (Frisk still has her socks on) and Chara tickled in between his toes with pipe cleaners (They feel like super fuzzy caterpillars).

Tenth, Chara leaned over MK and repeatedly squeezed his knees with her index fingers and thumbs and used her feet to tickle his underarms and sides (Chara also still has her socks on) and Frisk tickled his feet Chara’s rainbow feather (Like Chara, she poked his soles and toes with the quill and tickled his soles and in between his toes with the feathery end).

Eleventh, Frisk tickled MK’s torso with 2 feather dusters (She focused primarily on his belly, ribs, and sides) and Chara tickled his feet with Frisk’s stick (Like Frisk, she moved it slowly all over his soles and in between his toes and poked his soles and toes with it.)

And twelfth, Frisk scribbled her fingers all over every ticklish inch his feet (She primarily focused on his balls and under his toes like Chara did multiple times) and Chara scribbled her fingers all over his torso (She focused primarily on his sides, ribs, and chest) while blowing several raspberries on belly and over his naval).

Frisk: Awwwww! Who cutie-patootie lizzy boo boo boy! You are MK! You are!

Chara: Tee hee hee! Ha ha ha! Ba ba ba ba hee hee hee!

MK: GAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* FWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHIHIHIHIHIHIHIUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU HOHOHOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* STAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAP TEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEASING MEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!! FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!! *lizard scream* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

For one hour, MK was in sea of silly, precious, frantic, hysterical, and maniacal laughter. His face was soaked with tears due to laughing so hard, his entire body was tingling like never before (especially his feet), his tail was shaking very frantically despite having it tied to his legs, and his feet and torso were as red as they could be with blush. He laughed, screamed, shrieked, squealed, squeaked, and everything in between throughout the entire thing and having his feet covered with massage oil before it all started only made everything more intense for him. And the two girls REALLY did a number on his feet!

When it all started, MK immediately began begging the girls to stop tickling him and he continued begging them to stop as time went by. Frisk and Chara of course ignored his constant pleads for mercy and after about twenty minutes of tickle torture, MK actually stopped begging them for mercy completely. Frisk knows the reason why MK gave up trying to convince her and Chara to stop tickling him, but Chara doesn’t know why. All she wanted to do the entire time was make him laugh, and that’s exactly what she and Frisk did. And by the time Frisk and Chara nearly finished the tickle torture; someone showed up in the house unexpectedly and startled the two girls along with MK.

??????: Uh… hi kids.

TO BE CONTINUED...

#undertale tickle #undertale tickling

4 notes · View notes

luminisvii · 5 years

Text

So it’s pretty late right now and I’m liberally using the Bold function, but let’s talk about bad fanfiction.

Usually the first thing that springs to mind when it comes to bad fanfiction is My Immortal. Anyone who’s talked to me for more than five minutes knows that My Immortal is undoubtedly one of my favorite pieces of literature. And that’s not a joke, I think it’s an absolute masterpiece of bad. The misspellings, the reworkings of the characters to be goth/scene in an incredibly middle school way, to Marty McFly’s cameo to the chapter written by a self proclaimed troll--It’s a perfect storm of bad literature that makes for a hilarious read. I won’t get into a huge tangent but what makes My Immortal so funny is it has a certain level of naturalness to its writing where you’re never quite sure how serious the author is. The true joke is the mystery. We’ll never know who wrote the infamous fic and how serious they were when they did.

However, My Immortal is kind of scratching the surface. See, that’s a fic that’s actually funny bad. Most bad fanfiction is bad bad. Today, I intend to discuss the lesser known fanfic that I rank as being one of the most difficult reading experiences I ever had, and I only successfully pulled through after many years thanks to the love and support of my friends and us reading it out loud at 4 AM.

That fanfic is known as My Inner Life. Don’t let the title fool you, it was written well before our favorite goff showcase and it’s honestly a whole lot worse. This Legend of Zelda fic, written by one Jen and based on her dreams, features a young lady named Jenna who is a simple merchant traveling in Hyrule when one Link catches her eye and it goes downhill from there. The short version is that there’s a lot of overly dramatic sex, tedious clothes descriptions that include too many triforces, poor treatment of horses, Jenna getting praised and lavished with attention for no reason, and no research put into the lore. After a while it straight up forgets about being an Ocarina of Time fanfic and launches off into some nonsense about griffins and an evil lord I can’t actually remember the name of (It was very late and I was very tired so I called him Lord Asshole after a while, it has the same effect) and also that The Griffins, who live just beyond the Black Mountains, do not trust easily.

If you wish to read it, you should probably quit now, but if you are too weak (which is honestly understandable) here’s my recounting of the story.

Where to start is a little bit hard, but a good place is the insane 2,000 word author’s note at the beginning. Jen, seemingly unaware of how thin skinned she’s being, goes on about how anyone who leaves her a negative review is being is immature and thin-skinned. Here’s a delightful excerpt that shows the author’s view on all of this!

“Also as a side note, I NEVER physically hurt ANYONE with this story. I got one reviewer that said. “Oh God please stop writing, your hurting everyone.” Now I want to know where I physically touched that person. I want to know how I’m twisting anyone’s arms to read this. I have never done anything of the sort in any way, shape or form and I DO NOT appreciate being accused of that! If you’re emotionally hurt over this, its your fault not mine.”

She spends quite a bit of time talking about how reviewers need to be more mature as she dedicates that much time to complaining about negative reviews and methodically rebuking everything they say from her poor grammar to Jenna being a Mary Sue. Now, props to the author for straight up saying that Jenna is the obvious author avatar that she is--Jenna is simply the dream persona of Jen, which okay, fine, that is not that bad. It’s what happens with Jenna that really makes me want to drink.

The other majorly telling factor is the first line of the story itself.

“Dreams come in many forms. Some good, some bad, some very realistic, even ones that feels very real.”

You may have noticed a redundancy there. That is only the beginning. If you get tired of hearing about the same things repeatedly, you will be VERY tired very quickly in here. Jen likes to constantly explain things to the point where she has footnotes in the story, and just after citing a footnote she explains what was cited in text anyway so now you have a double explanation.

“A tale of love, passion, despair and hope. I enjoyed my inner life. I looked forward to going to sleep to it every night. And I look forward to ones that will come, because LOVE WILL NEVER DIE.”

I love quoting that. I’m also not sleeping so I guess I don’t know the meaning of true love.

Anything beyond this point is where I start to die because I actually grew up playing Ocarina of Time and I’m quite well versed in its lore, so if you are too this is going to be about as pleasant as root canal.

Since me recounting everything in detail means we’d be here into the next year, I’m going to try to boil this down to its essence. TL;DR: Jenna meets Link and they fuck. Badly. A month later and they’re getting married so they can fuck more. This whole time you have King Hyrule who is treating a random merchant off the street better than Zelda, the Sages are just inexplicably back despite now residing in the Sacred Realm. Zelda also inherently gives up the throne because she will not marry and thus is no longer in the line of succession but this random guy from Kokiri Forest who married a random merchant is! Ruto is turned into a jealous harpy and the other sages hardly appear at all.

After they get married they go to the part where I quit the first time I started reading this fic which was the Bonding Ceremony. If getting married to a guy you met a month ago wasn’t enough, going to a monastery and getting telepathically bonded by drinking his piss sure is. Okay, it’s not JUST the piss drinking, but that was enough to make poor 2014 me stop trying and go lie down. They also fuck in front of the monks because that’s a thing straight people do, I guess.

Somewhere in there Jenna gets pregnant and has a child. She names the child Link Jr. I don’t have anything to say about that, I think it’s comedy in itself. On top of that Epona also gets pregnant so they get new horses named Midnight Star and Star Dancer. That’s not an important detail at all, my friend simply hates those horse names and I’m bringing them up on the off chance that she reads this.

Oh yeah, Dark Link is an antagonist at one point and he inexplicably talks exactly like a stereotypical villain and ties Link and Jenna up in a room and leaves them there for no reason like a small time crook leaving Batman in a cage with all his gizmos nearby. And turns out Jenna has magical powers and is from some ancient race of super people or whatever. They have to explain this over and over again in the same few paragraphs and I want to die.

Beyond all the bad sex that has tiger metaphors (Somehow Jen knows how tigers fuck) there’s the Original Material which had me crying more than the tragedy that was the remain of OoT’s story. Once we get tired of Link and Jenna’s love story and Tiger Sex, there’s suddenly an invasion from Lord Ariakas who is threatening the Griffins who live beyond the Black Mountains, just a day’s ride from Hyrule. He’s just some evil guy who threatens the Griffins, who do not trust easily, and who live near The Black Mountains. If you think redundancy is painful then prepare for the worst redundancy you’ve seen yet. I went insane when we were reading this and tallied all the times The Black Mountains are mentioned and turns out it was a whole lot less than I thought, but almost all of them happened in a short amount of time so it felt like an eternity of explaining The Black Fucking Mountains. Turns out I’m a masochist of sorts because this STILL didn’t shake me off. In order to repel Lord Arakias’ forces, Link and Jenna need to talk to the Griffins who like to make a big deal about how they don’t trust anyone as they instantly trust Jenna and let her into their royal court to give her support and magical gifts. It’s kind of incredible how Jenna does nothing and is constantly rewarded for it.

Sadly this ends in a cliffhanger, like all good terrible fanfics. But that’s a semi-coherent retelling of the actual plot. It takes way too long to explain any of these plot points in story. Characters constantly repeat themselves, there’s a bunch of small plot points I left out because we’d REALLY be here all year if we talked about this, there’s the original material where I have to give credit that she went and did this BUT ALSO DID YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS MANY TIMES WHAT THE BLACK FUCKING MOUNTAINS ARE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

I’m not okay. Time for some deeper analysis of particularly notable parts.

The sex scenes are sadly some of the less entertaining sections. They’re pretty boring for the most part, but then you have shit like “I turned tigress” and my personal favorite, “when I took his nut sack and caressed it with my hand, it was his undoing.” That exact sentence shows up TWICE in the fic, same wording and everything. Remember this, ladies, next time you have sex with a man, caress his nut sack. It’ll be his undoing. It’s not just the silly wording, though, there’s some stupid stuff in there too about how having sex makes your children stronger and also exactly how much fluid Jenna is ejecting which is a little bit alarming to say the least. Otherwise they’re a bit bland and use the same flowery language that you’d expect from poorly written erotica. Also they fuck in front of a bunch of monks. It’s for the bonding.

If you’re into LoZ lore then you’re going to have a bad time, too. My favorite thing is showing people the segment where Jenna explains how the OoT timeskip works because it makes zero sense to everyone, OoT fan or not. Let’s take a quick history lesson for OoT if you’re not familiar with it. In Ocarina of Time, a major plot point and element of gameplay is that Link travels between past and future in a seven year gap. From Link’s point of view, the change is instantaneous, right down to the fact that his age changes from child to adult and vice versa. To everyone else, they’re living those seven years. Time continues without Link there to observe it, and in Link’s absence Hyrule collapses. Thus is the plot--trying to stop Ganondorf from destroying the future with a power that Link and Zelda accidentally gave him. The point is all Non-Link people experience time normally, and the world moves on.

Somehow Jenna missed something that I inherently understood when I was a wee child of 8, barely able to play Ocarina of Time due to poor reading comprehension and lack of Zelda Puzzle Solving Skills™.

“Gannondorf tricked the soon to be "Hero of Time" into unlocking the door to the Sacred Realm. I even noticed that Zelda was a little older then I. Last I saw her she was four years younger then me. It was told to me that when Gannondorf went into the Temple of Time and into the Scared Realm, time jumped ahead in Hyrule seven years. Yet only two years passed in my land. And in the rest of the world.

After the "Hero of Time" defeated the King of Evil, the hero was granted to either return to the past or to remain in the present time. Since he chose to remain in the present Zelda jumped ahead of me in age by four years. It seems that everyone in Hyrule jumped in age from the rest of the world.”

I’m not sure I really understand still. I’ve read this so many times trying to comprehend and maybe I’m just stupid but this doesn’t scan. But when you time travel it should affect the whole world or else that’d be pretty fucked. Back To The Future would be pretty wack if only Hill Valley was sent back to the 50s but everywhere else was still 80s.

God, I spent too much time on this. It still hurts my brain.

I also just have to have a section where I metaphorically hand Zelda a box of chocolates and a check for 5,000 dollars for even being in this mess. The real MVP of the story is Zelda for tolerating all this bullshit. She has to watch her father treat Jenna better than her, she gives Jenna a bracelet from her mother who is dead for Jenna’s wedding, she has to passively accept that because she isn’t married she’s lost her claim to the throne and it’s being handed over to Link and Jenna because despite both of them being nobodies they’re more legitimate heirs to the throne than the king’s own daughter. She also has to be the one to help Jenna birth her baby and it’s maybe a little bit weird to have the princess of a nation be your personal midwife. Even if she is your so called best friend. Were I ever in the circumstances of giving birth, I wouldn’t make my friends help. Please get an actual nurse. Also for some reason Jenna won’t stop calling her baby a miracle and it’s done so frequently it’s a little off-putting. Even the chapter where the child is born is called “The Miracle” like idk I know life is mysterious and miraculous but I’m not sure giving birth, something a lot of cis woman can do, is a “miracle.” Me not sobbing while reading this is a miracle. Zelda, honey, you deserve so much better.

I’m running out of things that will actually last a paragraph or so tangent wise, so time to wrap things up with smaller notes:

-Jenna thinks that you boot horses in the knees to get them moving. You are probably not riding a horse right if you can kick it in the knees while sitting on its back. That’s not even getting into other horse related mishaps like the fact that kneecapping them isn’t a good idea either.

-Link Jr. is capable of math at like, four months or something. I wish I was that talented.

-Ruto is my wife and I will not stand for this slander against her. Yeah, call me a fish fucker if you want, Sidon is cute too don’t @ me

-Take a shot every time Jenna mentions triforces on her outfit (actually don’t)

-Jenna makes a big deal about how Link has to go off to war and how she’ll miss him and he’ll miss her and it’s all very emotional but he’s back literally the next chapter

-One of my favorite moments is Mido rightfully pointing out that Jenna isn’t a Kokiri and thus has no right to receive a fairy but everyone thinks he’s being super rude for actually having common sense. They barely gave LINK a fairy and he grew up there!

-I inflicted this on my friends and it went as well as you’d think it would. Quote supplied by Jen who is not THAT Jen but a far superior one

-Somewhere in the fic suddenly Link and Zelda’s eyes are capable of changing color based on mood, or maybe they could do this the whole time and my eyes were changing based on mood alright, they were glazing over and I missed it

-Jen always types “threw” instead of “through” and it’s just enough to throw me off every time. Also every time a character starts a new sentence she starts another set of quotations even if they were already talking and occasionally she misspells “huge” as “hugh” which leads to some hilarious circumstances

-THEY DRANK EACH OTHER’S PISS

-Apparently when you are telepathically bonded with your Husband/Wife you aren’t allowed to be in a room with someone of the opposite sex AT ALL. Personally I think that reeks of insecurity

-Also because a good pal loses her shit every time we mention it, Jen couldn’t come up with a marriage ceremony that wasn’t just a christian one for a universe where christianity doesn’t exist, but she sure likes to put world building into those DAMN GRIFFINS

All in All? My Inner Life is not for the weak willed. It is INCREDIBLY long and redundant and while it’s still pretty funny, it’s mostly plain terrible. I consider is a much better showcase of what bad fanfiction is actually like, and also since it’s of a more standard awful, it means people can’t badly parody it while missing the point as to why it’s funny. So at least there will only be one My Inner Life and no imitators.

Seriously, I hate My Immortal imitators. Write your own terrible fanfiction, damn you! If I had a shot for every time a fanfic was compared to My Immortal I would be dead six years ago. Getting compared to MI is not a good thing, but not for the reasons you’d think. At least My Inner Life only shares the basic premise of a self insert character and the rest is a ride of complete bullshit that’s par the course for terrible Mary Sue fiction. Everyone loves Jenna for no reason and those who voice the valid concerns against her are seen as unreasonable and stupid. Characters are bent backwards to serve the threadbare plot and apparently Jenna’s love life alone is enough to constitute half of the story before we just plain forget it’s a Legend of Zelda fanfic and it goes off into some generic high fantasy horse crap with dragons and Griffins and some evil guy like what even is his name and it all ends without any real closure.

However if you are strong enough or maybe just a masochist (me) I highly recommend this fic for just being a test of endurance and also for all the funny little moments sprinkled throughout. It’ll certainly be a waste of time and it’s a good thing to read with friends. While it’s an oldie, it’s a goodie, and no one comes out unscathed.

Also the author apparently is a good sport about it now, although who knows. It’s just a thing I heard. While I like making fun of Jen throughout reading the fic, she doesn’t seem awful. Just perhaps young and unaware.

Truly, the real treasure was the piss we drank along the way. I’m sorry I will never be over that

#don't tell me tell #long post #REALLY LONG ASS POST #i couldn't sleep so i made this essay instead #i accept my fate as the bad fanfic expert #i might regret this later #but for now i need rest

0 notes

crabsticksforbreakfast · 7 years

Text

For no reason at all

Yesterday was a weird day. I ended up getting insanely jealous, then seeing something that made my heart skip such a beat I could have actually died on the spot! All day long, I felt like I was vying for S2's attention. For some reason, Twin was being more friendly towards him than ever before, and (probably completely undeliberately) I was getting shut out. At break, I almost had a glimmer of hope, but it was short lived (and very strange). S2 popped out to get something to eat, and on his return, he strode over to me with a confident smile, saying, "Can I ask a question?" I said he could, but somehow, within that split second, he'd been side tracked. Diva and Twin were having their own conversation next to us, and S2's question managed to escape. I never found out what he'd wanted to ask me, and the not-knowing consumed me a day. S2 and Twin sat together and ate their lunch on a table full of stuff, meaning I couldn't join them. I tried to rationalise it in my head. Twin sat there, seemingly with no preference of who, if anyone, sat with her. S2 sat there because he HAS to eat at a table, and that was the only available one. Because all the exam stuff was there, there wasn't enough room for me too. Neither of them seemed to consider it, and neither did they seem to be communication much with each other. They were just eating their lunch. But then, I went to our room to get something for Diva. S2 had gone in there to "get away from it all". I couldn't help but take it a little personally, as he hadn't invited me to join him. However, while I was there, he talked and joked with me, seemingly unaware that I was a bit put out. And at least this meant he was away from Twin who was still in the exam room. Back in the exam room, Twin informed me that some boys had moved the exam sign along the corridor for a laugh. She didn't know who they were. When S2 returned and was told about this, he was annoyed. I have honestly never seen anyone get so worked up over things as S2 does. He takes his job VERY seriously, which is admirable, but sometimes a little over the top. Anyway, he and Twin set out on a mission to find out who the boys were, during which time, they went off together, leaving me in the exam room to stew over it. I didn't like what was happening one bit. It felt like I was being replaced. The ill feeling continued when they returned and Twin pulled up a chair next to S2 who was at the computer. For the most part, he was just looking at his emails and ignoring her, but occasionally I looked over and saw them engaging in happy conversation. I was seething, not knowing what to do to stop them. After what seemed like an age, Twin got up to leave the room, and I caught myself giving her a bit of an evil glare as I watched her go. As I caught myself, I also caught S2 watching my face as I watched Twin. Feeling embarrassed, sad, and defeated, I simply looked back ahead of me, lowering my gaze and trying not to look too miserable, but I knew I was failing miserably at this. S2 continued to watch me. At the end of the day, S2 was in a bit of a subdued mood, and so was I. I tried to make good conversation happen, but it felt forced. I gave up and went to head back to our room. As I reached the door, I enquires whether S2 was going to join me, or stay in the exam room. He said he was going to stay. Feeling there was no more I could do, I quietly wished him a good weekend and left, sighing to myself as soon as I was out of earshot. I hadn't even sat down in our room before the door opened. In came S2, hesitating before making eye contact. With a cheeky smile, I joked, "You lied to me!" which raised a little crooked smile on his face. He sat down next to me and we talked about this and that. It was a good conversation, despite him being tired and fed up. The exams are really dragging for him and the fact that he keeps having to tell people off for disrupting them was getting him down. Once our conversation had dried up, S2 picked up his phone and was messaging someone on Facebook Messenger. Curious, I squinted and managed to read the name of who he was talking to. It was Naked Girl, his "old flame"... Unlike before, I didn't get jealous. I could see that his replies were only one or two words, and there was no visible excitement in his face. But then, something completely unexpected happened. He closed the chat with her, scrolled a few chats down... and opened mine. He didn't say anything to me, nor did he type anything, but for a few moments, he just scrolled up and down our chat... Bear in mind the last time I spoke to him on Messenger was two weeks ago. He had no reason to open it, so why did he? I don't even think he knew I was looking at his phone over his shoulder... Since then, it's all I've been able to think about. I've spoken to two friends about it and they both see it as a good sign. Both think it's strange that he just randomly opened our chat, especially after talking to Naked Girl. I wondered whether it was because he was comparing our conversations, just as he compared my night out with hers... Perhaps he was wishing it was me who was messaging him, despite me being directly behind him... All I want is for him to message me, but I know it's unlikely. I just get the feeling he's waiting for me to make the first move. I mean, that time in the car when he compared my night with him to Naked Girl's, when he said he had just wished she'd told him how she felt, and then paused... Did he want me to fill that empty pause with a confession? Is he still waiting for it? I think he might be... So what do I do now?

#love #love story #love stories

1 note · View note

shaydxox · 6 years

Text

Dear Alexa

I’m trying to think of how to even start this post without coming off as a total bitch. I post A LOT of things - random stuff I find cute, funny, moving, whatever the case may be.

It’s been brought to my attention, once again how someone specific, believes with all of her heart that I am making these posts TOWARDS her, when I’m not.

Over the years I’ve had to hide posts from people on Facebook because if I didn’t do that I would get treated as a child, like a fucking 10-year-old and actually have a real life problem because I’m VERY outspoken and share my feelings 110%. I DON’T hide how I feel. I never will, hence this blog post.

I’m basically writing this for one specific person who thinks I truly am posting things even the most random ridiculous shit TO her or her boyfriend who is my ex.

Now I can fully admit I am still EXTREMELY angry at what he did to me throughout our whole entire relationship. I’ve never in my whole life been so beaten down emotionally and physically. Yes he did hit me a couple of times. He is someone that destroyed me to the fullest extent of the word.

So when I see a funny shirt and I post it saying no one including me wants him and that’s why he’s with you, it’s the truth. He looks absolutely horrendous and disgusting and fat as fuck, balding...like at least he was cute when I was with him 😂. And to be even more honest, he looks absolutely miserable now.

Now I will *forever* be angry with what he did to me. No one knows even the half of it except me or him but he denies everything. It was complete insanity every single day. I mean to steal my medicine all the time to ignoring me and being allowed to only do what he told me to do...I honestly was lost. Ask him how many family things of mine he ruined or how he crashed every single car because he was so high or drunk.

The greatest gift he ever gave me was leaving me. The way he did it was an absolutely cowardly move to say the least. And I can absolutely guarantee he will do the same to his now girlfriend which does make me sad for her because she is a sweet girl but she’s VERY young and VERY naive. It’s who he is and he will never change. Most people don’t change. It’s in his DNA to act this way. His parents were pieces of shit. It’s what he learned from the time he was a baby.

Constantly having to curb what I post because of these two isn’t going to happen, EVER. His whole family is white trash shit. That’s why they all keep dying because they’re disgusting and don’t belong on this earth. Wow this is really turning into the truth how I really feel and I did not expect that 😂.

So the truth is I AM FULLY ALLOWED TO STILL BE ANGRY WITH WHAT HE DID AND DIDN’T DO. To leave me the way he did was evil. Pure evil and there’s no denying that. People I am friends with and some family members want to actually murder him and I still protect him. Why I do it is just so they don’t end up in jail, it’s not so he doesn’t get hurt because I could honestly care less if he even died. He’s going to OD one day and that’s an actual fact.

Anyway, Alexa, I am NOT posting things to you. I’m not posting them to hurt you or anything. You are a good person when it comes down to it. I honestly believe that. I will admit I am worried for you because I know Sean’s complete history with everything in his life. I know him like the back of my hand and the way he is, is NOT okay. He pretends and is a master manipulator. He, without a doubt, is one of the best liars you will ever meet. There’s things I’ve already heard from people you’re friends with that aren’t okay. Telling you you’re ugly with makeup on is not okay. And I’m telling you right now he’s doing it to control you. And you’re beautiful honestly so keep wearing your makeup if it makes you happy and do not let him tell you not to wear it because that’s what he does and it’s absolutely disgusting. I want you to know that I am still 100% angry with him and I will be for a long time. There is no getting over what he did to me. There just isn’t. I am in NO POSSIBLE WAY jealous of you or your relationship because if I was I wouldn’t comment to you happy anniversary or anything especially since your anniversary is not even one month after he did what he did to me which shows what kind of person he truly is. I’m a very easy going person. I’m super laid back and really don’t care about a lot of things like you believe I do. I am happy without him in my life. The absolute ONLY thing I miss is my dog. That’s it. If I cared about Sean that much he would have my real phone number and not a spoofed one.

So to end this, I am not posting anything to hurt you or so you see it or whatever you want to think about it. I can see why you would think that but it’s just simply not true. And if I did post something to you, believe me when I say you would know without a doubt. And just for the record you do not know anything about me. You don’t even know why he’s called peachy butt and you post things towards me and the nickname I had for him when it’s like you’re calling him the same exact thing which is honestly so freaking weird. I’m sure he doesn’t want you calling him that considering his ex that he hates called him the same exact thing. But once again, you do NOT know me...you know what Sean led you to believe and that’s it. Just like he led me to believe how Amanda was crazy when she’s actually pretty cool and super honest, just like I am. If there is anything and I mean absolutely anything you want to know, ask me and I will tell you. I have no problem with you or your relationship and I would have no issue at all talking to you. It’s just who I am. Most of my exes I am actually friends with and I become friends with their new girlfriends because that’s how I am. I’m probably the most brutally honest person you will ever come across. But I do need you to understand and one day you will because without a doubt in my mind the same thing IS going to happen to you, I am fully allowed to still be extremely angry that Sean did what he did. I won’t apologize for that. Ever. And I will continue to post whatever the fuck I want without worrying about if you think it’s towards you or him. And yes I post things about him because HE IS MY EX BOYFRIEND WHO DESERVES IT AND DESTROYED ME. I knew him long before you did and know exactly how he manipulates situations so I am warning you as another woman to be careful and not lose yourself in him because he’s going to leave and you will have nothing but devastation when he does.

That’s it...I can’t even believe I have to write this. ✌🏻🍑😘

0 notes