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robrae-headquarters · 4 years

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The Beast (Beastfire Commission)

Pairing : Beastfire (Beast Boy, Starfire)

Word Count : 5,888

Warnings : Swearing, Implied Death, Violence, Animal Death, Near Death Experiences

Commission : Yes!

Description : Beast Boy is hiding something from Starfire, and she is determined to find out. But all knowledge comes with a price.

~ ~ ~

Beast Boy’s eyes slowly blinked open. The image of the world faded in and out of his vision. He squeezed his eyes shut and then reopened them, allowing him to see the scenery around him. When his eyes met the sight of an alleyway and not his bedroom he did a double take. What the fuck was going on. Beast Boy started to look at the area around him.

The alley was dimly lit by a streetlamp at the opening of the alley. Deep, rugged claw marks appeared on the concrete of the surrounding buildings, stopping where he stood. The entire alley was trashed, for a dumpster had been completely demolished and strewn all over the ground. Other than the trash, the claw marks, and him, the alley was empty. As he inspected how deep the claw marks went into the building, Beast Boy noticed out of the corner of his eye something he hadn't caught before. A trail of blood. A massive trail of blood, leading directly to him.

Immediately his mind kicked into overdrive to find the wound. That was a LOT of blood and if he was that seriously injured he needed help now. His hands became cold and sticky whilst frantically checking his body for the catastrophic wound. Finally, Beast Boy concluded that he was not injured, which made him vomit on the pavement. That was not his blood. That was someone else's. There is no way in hell that person is alive now.

“Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!” Beast Boy shouted as he punched the wall in fear, his emotions getting the better of him. His thoughts were too much in overdrive to register the pain and a small section of the building crumbled beneath his fist. Had he killed someone?? There’s no way a Teen Titan could kill someone who’s not a villain and be fine. Beast Boy was so fucked. The sound of a door opening nearby snapped him out of his panic as he realized he couldn’t be caught here.

The green boy transformed into a hummingbird and sped away from the scene, desperate to be somewhere else. Blood dripped from his wings as he flew, causing him to cringe. He was leaving a small trail, but probably not one that could be traced. Beast Boy headed for the ocean, knowing he needed to rid of the blood before he returned to the tower.

He flew over the ocean, letting the cold breeze embrace him before diving into the icy water, transforming into a sea otter to aid his swimming abilities. Slowly the blood washed out of his fur. The process helped calm his mind some, until a thought struck him. The Press. Holy fuck, The Press.

The Press nor the public could know of the Werebeast, who was definitely the culprit behind what he had seen. He would lose his social media following. His extra inflow of cash would be gone. His reputation as a Teen Titan ruined. They could not know one of their heroes had a dark side this bad. They could not know that he probably killed someone tonight. Beast Boy shuddered at the thought. Taking another’s life… It wasn’t something he’d ever thought he’d do. Quickly he jammed the thought down. He could not have a breakdown about it. He needed to buck up, move forward, and solve the problem.

“My DNA shouldn’t be at the scene, I’m not injured in the slightest. The body wasn’t there… Maybe they survived?” He clung to the thought like a lifeline.

Once his bones felt as cold as the arctic and he couldn’t take the water anymore he swam to shore and turned into a cheetah, racing home to be in the comfort of his room. This night needed to be over. He could worry about the rest later.

***

Whilst most Titans were asleep in the tower, Starfire was not. In fact, she was wide awake. It wasn’t because she couldn’t sleep, X’Hal knows she could, it was more that she had a feeling she shouldn’t. She couldn’t quite place where the feeling was coming from. It didn’t feel like her intuition or her gut talking to her. Just this nagging in the back of her mind. Don’t go to sleep. Don’t go to sleep. There’s something important you have to see. Over and over again until she resolved to wait. And wait she did.

Starfire overhauled her entire room that night trying to keep herself awake. Everything was neatly put away, the floors freshly clean and sparkling. She had spent hours folding and organizing all her clothes until her hands ached. All the surfaces were dusted and everything looked like it was exactly where it should be. Her bed appeared like a lush heaven to her, the silk pillowcases and plush blankets just calling her name. But, she didn’t. Instead she lit multiple candles, ranging in scents of sugar cookies to lilacs and began to exercise.

The exercise gave her mind something else to think about besides the small mound of anxiety it was producing. She was going to discover something soon. She just knew it. It was something big, something important. She had to know what it was. Sweat started to drip down her temples as she reached the 200 sit-up mark. After grabbing a swig of water Starfire began to do push-ups.

Starfire stopped mid push-up as the clock struck 3 am. She slowly raised herself into a standing position, every muscle in her body feeling tense. There was someone in the hallway. Cautiously she moved towards her bedroom door, opening it as quietly as she could manage. What she saw was not what she was expecting.

There trudged Beast Boy down the hallway, one arm limp at his side and the other lightly dragging against the wall. His body was tense and he kept looking all over as if watching out for something. Starfire thought it would be best if he didn’t see her, so she ducked back every time he turned to look. His hair was damp, like he’d just gotten back from a swim. Starfire could tell he looked guilty as if he didn’t want anyone to know what was going on.

Star closed her door and sank into her bed, nuzzling her face into her pillows before letting out a deep sigh. Slowly she relaxed her body, starting with her neck and ending with her toes. There was something going on with Beast Boy, something obviously big and possibly dangerous. Worry gnawed at her mind for the green boy, someone who she cared for very deeply. More deeply than anyone else knew. She sighed and turned off the lights, resolving to find out what was going on, no matter the cost.

***

Just about every muscle in Beast Boy’s body ached when he awoke the next morning. Or maybe he should say afternoon, since it was around 12pm. He felt as if he’d been run over by an 18-wheeler. “So much for no injuries,” Beast Boy muttered as he dragged himself to the shower. He needed a warm pick me up after all the fuckery that was yesterday's events.

Whilst the steamy, hot water rejuvenated his body, Beast Boy joked with himself, “If only I believed in gods, I’d probably be praying to a higher power. Not that that ever works out for anyone anyways.” Instead he put all his hopes into good luck. Maybe today will be his lucky day and everything will go smoothly. No mention of yesterday's bullshit today, tomorrow, or ever again.

As soon as the doors opened to the common room of the tower to let Beast Boy in, Starfire was at his side. She smiled at him and he grinned back, not even having to fake it. That’s how it always was with Star. He felt good around her, always feeling like he could tell her anything. He knew he loved her. He felt that emotion strongly whenever she was around. He’d planned on confessing eventually, but there never seemed to be a good time to do so. And right now was certainly not a good time.

“Hello Beast Boy! What a lovely day it is today! Did you sleep well?” Starfire chirped to him as he began to make tofu bacon and fake eggs for breakfast. Well, breakfast was a stretch but fuck it.

He nodded to her, unfortunately not having the energy to speak, let alone speak cheerfully, even if it was Starfire. Beast Boy hoped she’d take the hint. She was determined though, and spoke again.

“What are you making, friend?” Beast boy let a small sigh escape his lips before responding in the best cheerful voice he could manage.

“Brunch! Fake bakey with fake eggs!” He smiled at her as he flipped the food, the smell making his stomach gurgle.

“Oh! I love the brunch! It is both breakfast and lunch, put together into one joyful meal!” Starfire smiled as she began to gather the ingredients to make pancakes. Maybe all this talk of brunch stirred her appetite. Robin appeared at the counter, seemingly out of nowhere, gave the pancake ingredients a quick glance before settling his gaze on Beast Boy.

“Late night last night Beast Boy? You’re usually awake early for breakfast, not brunch.” Beast Boy froze in his tracks, dropping a piece of bacon on the floor. Robin raised an eyebrow at the fumble and Starfire stopped what she was doing to watch the encounter.

Beast Boy swore under his breath before quickly scooping up the fake bacon and depositing it into the trash. He proceeded to turn back to Robin and prepared to tell the most convincing lie he’d ever told.

“Yeah man, the game I’ve been waiting to play for months got released yesterday and I played it for twelve hours straight last night. I do not regret a second of it.” Beast Boy pulled off his signature grin at the end to add to the credibility.

Without missing a beat Cyborg spoke from his spot on the couch, “Yeah, sounds like classic Beast Boy. Proud of you my man.” Cyborg gave him a thumbs up and resumed his game. Beast Boy silently thanked the power of luck for Cy’s comment. His lie was foolproof now.

Terra, who was currently destroying Cyborg at the game, laughed. “That does sound like some shit bird for brains would do. Next time invite me, I love nonstop gaming.”

“I’ll leave you to it then.” With that Robin arose from the counter and sat back with his girlfriend, Raven, whose nose was currently pressed into a book.

“If you were playing the video games all night then why did I see you soaking wet walking to your room last night?” She had thankfully lowered her voice for only him to hear, but his blood ran cold at her words. Quick, think of a lie think of a lie…

“I was so fucking tired after playing and I was also disgusting so I went to take a shower before I went to sleep. Must have showered in my clothes, what a dummy.” He gave a small chuckle and waited for her reaction. She seemed to think about it for a moment before returning back to a normal, cheerful Star.

“Ah, that makes sense. I hope you sleep better tonight friend.” Star returned to pancake making and Beast Boy let out a sigh of relief. Everyone believed him. There was no need to worry. After quickly chowing down his food he flopped on the couch between Terra and Cyborg, settling into his normal schedule. Maybe everything would turn out okay after all.

***

Starfire was skeptical. Everyone else had believed what Beast Boy had said, but she did not. Maybe it was because she loved him, or maybe it’s because her gut had been leading her this whole time, and it had never been wrong before. But before completely jumping to conclusions she decided to converse with someone else who had once been very close to Beast Boy.

It took three knocks until the door whooshed open with Terra standing behind it. Her face had a blank, bored look to it until she realized it was Star. Her face soon broke into a grin.

“Starfire! For what reason do I owe the pleasure? Come to get your ass kicked at video games?” Terra smirked, thinking this visit was for fun.

“Could I come in? There was something I wanted to ask you about Beast Boy.” Terra’s face fell slightly but she nodded, standing aside to let the Tamaranian girl in. Terra sat on her bed and Star quickly spotted a bean bag chair and dove to it immediately.

“Oh! A bag of beans in chair form! I do love these!” She smiled as the chair formed around her.

“We totally need to order you one then, but that’s probably something for later. What did you need to ask me?” Terra’s attention was entirely on Star as she rested her face in her hands. Star grew serious instantly. The palms of her hands started to sweat, for she was nervous.

“Do you think Beast Boy has been acting… Strange lately?” She fiddled with the bean bag chair whilst waiting for a response.

“Not overly. Staying up playing video games isn’t out of the norm for him. Neither is fake eggs and fake bacon, or getting his ass kicked by yours truly in games.” Terra beamed, clearly proud of her achievement.

“I suppose those are not. But what if I told you I saw him walking back to his room at 3 in the morning dripping wet. And when asked about this, his response is that he got into the shower with his clothes on and didn't realize?” Star frowned, still upset that she believed he lied to her. She was a good friend, was she not? Why would he lie to her? What did she do wrong?

“Oh. That is odd. Even for bird brains.” Terra seemed equally puzzled by this information. She stood up and grabbed a rock from her desk, making it form different shapes quickly. “Sorry, it helps me think.” Star nodded, still fiddling with the beans inside the chair.

“Okay, this isn’t the soundest advice I’ve ever given, but ya could follow him. If you think he’s being dishonest, and he lies when confronted, then you gotta take it to the next step if you think it’s serious. Which I take it you are, seeing as you came to me about it.”

“Yes, and I’d appreciate it if this stays between us. I do not know if this is something everyone should know about yet, seeing as even I do not know what it is.” Terra nodded immediately.

“Of course! Scouts honor that no words will pass through these lips.” Terra held up her fingers to prove her point, producing a small giggle from the other Titan.

“I think I will follow your advice friend, thank you for the help!”

After saying her goodbyes with Terra, Starfire began to develop a plan.

***

Blood pounded in Beast Boy’s ears as he bounded through the sewage underfoot. He was large. He was powerful. And he was out for fucking blood. He wanted to sink his massive fucking fangs into some flesh and rip it to shreds. Destroy. Destroy. Destroy. And destroy he would. Nothing would stop him. Absolutely fucking nothing.

His paws grew nastier as he tore through the sewers, looking for prey. Any prey would do, it didn’t matter to him. To find prey, you needed a scent, so he began to search for one. Once one was located, Beast Boy’s mouth started to water. He moves slowly at first, his nose stuck to the ground. Then suddenly he was off like a cheetah honing in on its prey. A large sewer rat came into his peripherals before it was completely obliterated.

Blood, guts, and fur went everywhere as Beast Boy the Werebeast devoured its prey. The rat let out a screech, its body torn in two. The carnage was horrible, but the Werebeast didn’t care. Licking his chops, he let out a huff. This was not enough. He needed more. He needed it now.

It took him a while to locate a way out of the sewers. It knew that out of the ground there would be bigger prey. And bigger prey meant more flesh. The Werebeast grinned at the thought, although to anyone else it would look more like a sinister grimace.

His paws hit grass as he emerged into the cool moonlight. He howled, low and quiet. It was a fair warning to any prey that could be around. Scared and knowing prey was always more fun to hunt than unknowing.

The Werebeast prowled around the area, searching for a scent. He seemed to be in an open wooded area, no buildings or street lights in sight. Perfect for hunting. He searched and searched for a scent, but couldn’t seem to find one of a worthy prey. His anger rose. His claws needed things now!

In an outburst of anger the Werebeast attacked a tree. He threw his entire body weight at it, lunging and clawing and biting at the old oak, growling until the tree toppled over. The tree cascaded into another and two resounding snaps filled the air. The sound echoed throughout the forest. He clawed the tree twice more for good measure and howled to the sky about his conquest, satisfying some of his need.

It seemed to be the Werebeast’s lucky day, for a lone night hiker heard the commotion and couldn’t help but investigate. The Werebeast sensed her before she even arrived, and his twisted grin returned. Dinner has arrived.

The girl cautiously moved towards the scene. She had something in her hand, probably pepper spray or a horn to scare bears off. In her other, a shaky beam of light from a flashlight filled the area. Her demeanor quickly changed from curious to frightened once her gaze fell upon the deep marks in the tree. This is not somewhere she should be, and she knew it. Fear and sweat radiated off her in waves. Waves that he could pick up on. Let the games begin.

He intentionally snapped a twig underfoot before silently moving to a different position. The girl whirled around to the location of the noise, shining her flashlight around. Finding nothing, she sighed. “It’s probably just my imagination. I should head home…” The girl turned around and started a brisk pace out of the area, only glancing back once.

The Werebest began to stalk her. He stayed far enough behind to give her a false sense of security. Make her feel calm before ramping up her heartbeat once more. He followed her until they were in a more open area. It appeared to be a park. There was a clear walking path, with trees spaced out and park benches here and there. He could see buildings from here, which meant it was time to strike.

A bone chilling howl shook the night. The girl stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around and the flashlight fell out of her hand, for before her stood a beast unlike any other. A huge green beast, with massive fangs and claws. It smelled of sewage and blood. There was visible blood and guts covering the front of the creature as well as dripping from its jaws. A scream tore it’s way out of her throat as she broke out into a dead sprint. She wanted as far away from this creature as fast as she could, or she was dead. She knew it.

While she was fast, the Werebeast was faster. He let her think she could outrun him. It would be more fun this way. Soon he tailed right behind her and knocked her form aside with his massive claws. Her body slammed into a tree like a rag doll, knocking the wind out of her. She whimpered and tried to get up, but was slammed back down by the beast. His claws raked her arms, causing her to cry out. Blood began to drip down her arm, the flesh torn wide open. The Werebeast could barely contain his excitement.

Not wanting her to run again, the Werebeast leaned over her and set both limbs on either side of her legs. The girl struggled and screamed, which only urged him on more. An audible snap rang through the clearing as the Werebeast broke the girls leg clean in half. The girl stopped struggling. Tears streamed down her face and sobs wracked through her body.

The Werebeast backed off to admire his prey. Soon to be his kill. Once it raised itself on its hind legs, he let out the loudest and most haunting howl of the night, and went for the killing blow. Green light filled his vision and the world grew dark before his body slammed into the ground.

***

Starfire was in shock. She was going to have to battle Beast Boy. Beast Boy, whom she loved dearly. She couldn’t kill him. Please, X’Hal, don’t make her kill him. She wouldn’t be able to bear it.

The last couple hours had been a blur. She’d basically sat in the hallway outside of Beast Boy’s door, pretending to read a magazine. That way, if he left his room, she would know, and would be able to follow him. Except he didn’t leave his room. For hours. Eventually Star grew impatient and knocked on his door to see what he was doing. ‘So much for secret spy work’ she thought to herself. Maybe being direct was the better way to go about this anyways. She got no answer. After knocking a few times she let herself in. Was he just sleeping?

Except he most definitely wasn’t. Beast Boy was nowhere to be found. The only thing that left a sign of where he was was the broken glass all over the floor. Broken glass from his window, which had a giant sized hole in it, as if someone had flung themselves out of it. Why would Beast Boy do that? Starfire immediately flew through the window in an attempt to find a trail. And a trail she did find.

Giant footprints in the dirt. Leading directly to the sewage entrance. “Fuck.” She had a pretty good feeling she knew what the cause of this was. And X’Hal did she wish she was wrong.

After entering the sewers and finding what she believed to be the trail Beast Boy left, Starfire pulled out her Titan communicator. Quickly whilst flying through the sewers she called Terra.

“Hey girl, how's the spy work going?” She shot Star a grin through the camera. Little did she know all hell was breaking loose.

“Terra! You must gather the team immediately and get all citizens inside! Tell Robin I fear the worst… I believe the Werebeast is back. I am currently tracking his location as we speak and I’m…” Star’s voice broke as she spoke her next words. “I am prepared to take any measures necessary to protect Jump City.” Starfire began to lose her composure so she ended the communication, knowing that Terra would do what needed to be done.

She’d stumbled upon the scene where the rat was decimated. The sight and smell made her stomach sour, and she did her best not to lose her dinner. Still, she carried on. Star managed to follow the trail up through the sewers and into a forest before losing it. She muttered a string of slurs in her native language, cursing herself for not being able to follow the trail any longer. Panic rose in her chest, and she quickly squashed it. Now was no time for her shortcomings.

Starfire resorted to flying above and around the forested area, trying to locate where Beast Boy could possibly be. The task was similar to the phrase ‘finding a needle in a barn’ or something to that effect. Her heart sank and her chest started to constrict once more. Beast Boy was lost and she couldn’t find him. He might even die before knowing her true feelings, and Star couldn’t bear the thought. She hurled a starbolt into the forest out of pure rage.

At the same time she heard a loud crack. She snapped her head up and saw in the distance some trees falling. Beast Boy!! Her heart sang. She had found him! There was no actual evidence that the disruption was him, but she knew that it was somehow. She raced towards the spot, which looked to be a couple miles off. She could make that. She would make that.

By the time she reached the destruction, there was no one around. She couldn’t give up yet. She was close, and she wasn’t going to fuck it up. Not this time. She could see in a short distance the forest gave way to a park, and decided that towards civilization was a good bet. And the sight she saw once she got there destroyed her inside.

A girl lay dying against a tree stained with her blood. Her leg was broken, and she didn’t appear to be moving. Above her leered Beast Boy in his Werebeast form, about to go for the killing blow. Starfire had to act fast, so she did the first thing she could think of. She threw a starbolt at his face. Hard.

It wasn’t hard to accomplish, seeing as she was so fucking furious at the gods and cosmic balance for letting this shitshow take place. Couldn’t things just go good for them once?? Did happy endings even exist?

Her starbolt hit the Werebeast like a ton of bricks, knocking him unconscious momentarily. Starfire knew she couldn’t count on it to be for long. Quickly she called for urgent backup and medical aid to her location. That was all she had time for before the Werebeast stirred. More slurs tore through her throat as she prepared to battle her love.

The Werebeast looked fucking pissed. It shook itself awake, taking one look at its prey before glancing back to the floating being in the sky with the glowing green fist. That sure caught his attention. He flung himself towards her, ready for a fight.

Starfire made the first move, flinging a series of starbolts at him, most of which he dodged. Whilst she did so she moved backwards, causing him to have to follow her. She wanted him as far away from the victim as possible. She needed to buy time for the rest of them to get there with the tranquilizer darts, for she had none on her.

It worked at first. She stayed up high enough for him to not be able to grab her. He dodged her starbolts. He flung things, like small trees and boulders, and she slashed and dodged those as well. The starbolts didn’t seem to slow him down enough when they did hit, and Star was losing stamina from having to dodge such massive objects at a rapid pace.

Her heart beat fast as she readied another attack. Sirens suddenly lit up the air, causing a momentary distraction to Starfire. Help is on the way! Her heart bloomed. She could do this until they got here, it would be a piece of cake. But the Werebeast was smart, and used this window of opportunity to launch a park bench at her. One she wasn’t able to dodge.

She hit the ground with a loud thud. Her body felt like splintered glass, and she had no air in her lungs. The Werebeast was on her in a second. He removed the park bench from her with a flick of his paw, like it was weightless. It was replaced by his massive form. He pushed his claws onto her chest, slowly adding to the pressure, toying with her. Starfire coughed up blood, her whole body burning.

Starfire had to make a choice. She was going to die if they didn’t get there this instant. Unless she killed him first. His eyes looked cold and dead, nothing like Beast Boy. Nothing like the one she loved. She couldn’t see any remembrance in his eyes of who she was. A tear rolled down her face.

“I’m so sorry, my bumgorf, I have failed us. Please forgive me. I will always love you.” More tears soaked her face as she slowly raised her hand. The Werebeast looked at her in confusion. She slammed her hand into his chest, blasting him directly with a starbolt. The Werebeasts eyes closed, and he fell off her, slamming into the ground. His form changed back into the small frame of Beast Boy. He didn’t move. He didn’t breath. Starfire’s entire body felt dead. Her heart felt as if it was torn in two. She let out a tortured sob as she let herself succumb to the darkness of unconsciousness.

***

The steady beep, beep, beep, of a heart monitor slowly filled Beast Boy's ears. His mouth was as dry as a desert, his lips cracked. His eyes felt like sandpaper as he tried to pry them open. He was successful on the third try, and his eyes were met with the bright lights of the med bay. There was something warm next to him, and when he turned his head the beautiful Starfire lay next to him, her face in shock. She looked ragged and tired, the bags under her eyes massive. It looked like the life had been taken out of her. His heartbeat kicked up just knowing she was this close to him, the heart monitor betraying that to her. Tears rolled down Star’s cheeks.

“I… we... “ She struggled to form a sentence, her body shaking slightly. “We thought you were dead. I thought.. I thought I killed you.” She sobbed slightly, and buried her head in his shoulder. Beast Boy was confused. Dead? He brought his hand up to her back and rubbed slow comforting circles.

“Dead?” He coughed out, not having used his vocal chords in a while. “Why would I be dead? I’m healthy as a horse, Star.” Her sobbing seemed to lessen after a moment, and she lifted her head again.

“Beast Boy, how long have you been turning into the Werebeast?” The question shocked him. “Don’t lie to me. We all know.” He sighed deeply.

“Uh, at least once. That’s the only time I can remember, it’s hard to say. How do you know?” Panic rose in his chest, the heart monitor picking up pace as his hands began to sweat and his head clouded up. “Does the press know? Please star, don’t tell me everyone knows.” His body trembled. Star’s face creased with worry as she rubbed his arm in comfort.

“Last week, I decided to follow you after you seemed to be acting strange. I found you attacking a girl. I had to attack you as well, and…” She stopped for a moment to regain her composure. “And we battled. Intensely. And you caught me. In order to survive, I had to strike you directly with a powerful starbolt. I thought I’d killed you. You’ve been in a coma for a week. I thought I’d never forgive myself.” She broke off again, a small sob breaking her voice. Beast Boy put his hand on hers. He couldn’t believe he’d done that. He almost killed a civilian. He almost killed Star. How could he do that. What a fucking monster. He was a monster.

It was almost as if Starfire could read his mind. “You are absolutely not a monster Beast Boy! Do not think that. It is not something you can control!” She took both his hands in hers. “Besides, do you believe I could love a monster Beast Boy? Because… I love you. I am in love with you, and I always have been.” Her eyes shined at his, her heart so full of the love she held for him. Beast Boy was amazed. She loved him!

“I love you too Star. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’m so so sorry I hurt you, I should have never done that. I will never forgive myself for that.” They looked at each other for a long time, just staring and basking in this newfound feeling. The love sent cracks through their ever growing despair. It didn’t make all the awful things go away, no the consequences for those things remained. It did lessen the burdens, ever so slightly.

Beast Boy had to break himself from the trance, knowing there were other things that needed to be discussed. “That girl… Did she live?” He asked it quietly, afraid of the answer.

“She did! She will make a full recovery and has been advised to not go on anymore walks at night alone. She’ll probably need a lot of medical help, but she will be alright.” She gave him a small smile of reassurance.

“As for the press, some did find out.” She gave him a small frown, for his body had gone rigid with the news. His whole life… over. If they knew, it was all over.

“Do not fret, love. Robin had it taken care of! Wayne Enterprises has paid that press company handsomely to keep it from the public. It should not ever become a problem.” Beast Boy’s body relaxed, relief flooding his system. Maybe everything would turn out okay.

“We’ve also come up with a plan, so that you will not have to worry as much about doing something awful. There is a safe room similar to the one we had for Raven. All of us will carry around tranquilizer darts as a safety precaution. Cyborg has also created a tracker chip to put in you as well as one that can sense the biochemical changes that happen when you shift into the Werebeast, giving us more of a warning. Only if you’ll agree to them, of course.” She gave him a small smile, proud of the work her and her team had done for Beast Boy.

“Of course I consent! I can’t believe you guys have done so much for me… I couldn’t ask for better friends.” Beast Boy trailed off, unsure of where to go from here.

“I can help you, I think.” Starfire smiled at him, determination in her voice. “I think we can battle this together, you and I, if you’ll have me. You don’t have to keep anything from me. We can solve your inner demons, and win! I just know it.” She flashed him a smile that always melted his insides, and his heart swelled. Starfire loved him. She accepted him how he is, and is even willing to help him. He couldn’t ask for anything more. He leaned over and captured her lips in his, kissing her passionately. She was still for a moment, before returning the kiss with a firepassion. Their lips melded together perfectly as if meant for each other. He never wanted this moment to end. He was ready to put all this shit behind him and move forward. He wanted to conquer it, and make things right, with Starfire by his side. And they would, together.

#beastfire #beast boy #starfire #beast boy x starfire #Teen Titans #dc #teen titans fanfiction #TT #writing commissions #commission

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generallynerdy · 5 years

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Laughter (Bucky Barnes X Amputee!Reader)

Summary: Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers hope that it’ll only take one person-- you-- who refuses to tiptoe around Bucky Barnes and his metal arm. With your shared experiences and terrible, terrible senses of humour, maybe he’ll start to open up.

Requested by WaywardRose0216: I'm so happy and your the only one who actually has taken up my requests before! Btw I kinda have another lol. It's one where the reader is one of Sam's army friends and lost a leg so she has a prosthetic and she and Bucky meet and fall n love and it just sounds adorable. Thank you so much!!!

Key: (Y/N) - your name

Warnings: cursing probably, mentions of violence, mentions of war, mentions of loss of limbs, kind of touches on PTSD, and terrible terrible humour

Word Count: 1,583

Note: woah this did a thing?? god this is adorable,,, you guys can blame my boyfriend for inspiring me to write cheesy bullshit

The first time you met Bucky Barnes was at one of Tony Stark's galas. It was fancy, a little too fancy for your tastes, so your best friend and war buddy, Sam Wilson, dragged you to a back corner of the room.

It was there you took a seat beside the infamous Winter Soldier, who barely glanced at you. From what you could see, he was terrified. Too many people, you figured. You got that way sometimes, especially at events like these. It didn't help that people would stare and gawk at your prosthetic leg, asking too many questions that definitely weren't appropriate.

Sam awkwardly introduced you both before the three of you slipped into silence. Glancing at Bucky again, you knew you had to break the ice.

So, you did the smartest thing you could come up with.

“Guess this party cost them an arm and a leg, huh?” You grinned cheekily.

Sam instantly reeled and looked terrified, but he had nothing to fear. For maybe the first time since coming to live with the Avengers, Bucky Barnes burst into heavy laughter. This drew more than a few eyes, but it was mostly other members of the team, shocked at such a sound coming from the man's mouth. They'd never heard him laugh like that before.

For Bucky, the joke wasn't even that funny. Just the concept of someone refusing to tiptoe around his arm, or him, for that matter, was so refreshing that it left him giddy. That joke cleansed his muddled soul like a warm hug.

That, you realised, was the start of a beautiful friendship.

When Steve Rogers heard you were the one making Bucky laugh so hard, he begged Sam to let you visit more often. Considering you didn’t have many other friends, Sam was all for the idea. He kept coming up with excuses to have you around the compound and, eventually, you would just start asking if he’d take you.

Conversation came rather easily for you and Bucky, especially when you were complaining about how other people acted about your prosthetics.

He told you all about his team, about how ridiculous they were, though he loved them to death. He told you how he wished they would tiptoe around him like he was a firecracker. It frustrated him to no end. Sometimes your conversations became really serious.

Bucky Barnes was the first person you told about how you lost your leg. Sure, Sam knew how it had happened, but that was because he was there. He never forgave himself for it, even if you had never blamed him in the first place. Bucky understood. Steve was the exact same way.

After that, the four of you hung out way more. They would go on morning runs together sometimes and, though you couldn’t run, you joined them anyway. You would sit under a tree and read a book, laughing as Sam suffered. For once, he was the one being beaten.

One day, you were having it particularly rough. Watching them sprint around Washington D.C. was a little disheartening. It brought back a lot of painful memories.

Bucky was back before you expected and noticed you staring at your prosthetic. “You could run with us.”

“Huh?” You raised your head and furrowed your eyebrows.

That stupid prosthetic didn’t let you run. It was an older model. You couldn’t afford much better, though Sam had tried to convince you to let him pay for one. You refused, mostly because you knew he was offering out of guilt.

“Wakanda is kind of good with these things,” he said, glancing down at his arm. “Shuri would make you one if you asked, (Y/N).”

“I--” You hesitated, looking at your prosthetic. “I don’t know. I’d feel bad.”

He smiled. “I know the feeling, but...that girl has a lot of time on her hands. She’d love to figure something out.”

Biting your lip, you used the tree you were leaning against to stand up. “Are you sure?”

“Definitely,” he grinned suddenly. “She’ll make it badass.”

“In that case...okay.”

So, Bucky nearly dragged you to the compound, leaving Sam and Steve behind to do their morning run. Natasha gave the two of you a confused look as you entered, Bucky chatting almost excitedly. She swore she had never heard him talk that much. He was opening up a lot more since you showed up, the others would say. You were good for him.

Tony was almost knocked over by Bucky’s rambling when he begged the genius to let Shuri set up shop in the compound. Despite the initial shock, he eventually agreed.

Within a few weeks, Shuri herself called you and Bucky up, saying your new prosthetic was ready.

“I modeled it after yours, Sergeant,” she said, glancing at Bucky as she took it out of its case. “The new one, obviously. The other one hurt to look at.”

It was exactly the same as Bucky’s, except for the obvious fact that it was for your leg. Shuri attached it carefully, him hovering over your shoulder. She backed away once it was on, tapping a few things on her tablet and humming thoughtfully. Meanwhile, you attempted to wiggle it experimentally. It moved exactly as you had hoped, leaving you slack-jawed.

Bucky smirked at your expression. “Cool, right?”

You stood up and gained your balance, falling onto his shoulder when you almost tripped. You were back on your feet in moments, already getting used to the new feeling.

“Thank you so much,” you told the young girl.

She smiled. “It was nothing. I had a little fun with it. You could probably beat Barnes in a race if you wanted.” “Oh, yeah?” Bucky asked, raising his eyebrows.

You grinned mischievously. As he opened his mouth to ask something, you sprinted out of the lab, laughing maniacally. “Last one to the garage is a rotten egg!”

“You are so on!”

The both of you ran through the compound, running into almost everyone on the way. Bucky got extremely close to beating you, but was always just a few feet behind. You weren’t sure if he was losing on purpose, but it didn’t really matter in the moment.

Vision had to phase so neither of you would run into him, but he also had to shove Wanda, who had been walking with him, out of the way. Clint had to literally jump into the rafters of the building just to avoid getting knocked over, while you both just ran around Nat. Thor didn’t see either of you and was somewhat trampled, but he was a god, so he was probably fine. You ran into Tony, too, and knocked his coffee out of his hands, making him whimper a little.

“LOOK OUT!” You screamed to Steve and Sam with a break of laughter in your voice.

They were entering the compound, having just returned from a brief meeting with fury. They glanced at each other confusedly as you and Bucky passed, slightly awed at your new prosthetic. Sam was gleeful and laughed a little before elbowing the captain and raising his eyebrows teasingly. They both knew Bucky had stuck to you like glue these past few months, perhaps a little too much.

When you reached the garage, you whooped loudly, but found that you could not stop easily. You skidded to a halt, but not before tripping right out of the garage doors and falling face first into the grass outside.

Bucky jogged up to you as soon as you turned over and lied on your back, laughing so hard you gasped from a lack of oxygen. “That-- was-- amazing!”

“I would’ve won if you didn’t get a head start,” he sassed, though he was smiling.

“Bullshit, Barnes,” you said, sticking your tongue out at him.

Before he could reply, you grabbed his leg and pulled it out from under him, sending him toppling to the ground next to you. He yelped as it happened, but was laughing afterwards. His laughter only got you started again, struggling to breathe.

When your amusement died down, both of you froze, suddenly realising how close you were. Bucky’s face was inches away from yours, so he could not help meeting your gaze. His gorgeous eyes boring down on you was almost enough to make you look away, but you somehow refrained from doing so.

He lifted his metal arm to caress your cheek. It was cold, making the hairs on the back of your neck raise. However, you put your own arm on his hand to reassure him that it didn’t bother you. You understood-- and he knew that.

Just as you were starting to lean in, his closed the distance between you, taking your lips for his own. It was sweet and slow and, admittedly, a little silly, considering you were kissing on the cold ground right outside the garage of the Avengers’ compound.

Silently, you thanked Sam for introducing you to Bucky, but mostly you thanked your top notch humour.

When you pulled away, gasping slightly for air, Buck had a sheepish look on his face. He was nowhere near the flirty, confident man Steve told you he used to be. In fact, that was probably his first kiss since 1945.

“That kiss costed us an arm and a leg, huh?” You whispered, breaking the silence.

And at your awful, awful joke, Bucky Barnes burst into laughter, almost chortling. “God, I love you. Terrible humour and all.”

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wonderer-ru · 5 years

Text

my soul remembers us

☾ Taehyung|reader story

↳ genre: fluff and soft angst ↳ word count: 14.004 ↳ warnings: none ↳ a/n: fun fact. i wanted to finish writing this by Taehyung’s birthday… last year. so this has been a long time coming. i love this story very much, this is my favorite concept and i hope you enjoy. please, let me know what you think. oh, and there’s a little easter egg for those who read “under the spell”. happy new year!

⍣…your generation cracked a shell of something that was beyond one’s comprehension for thousands of years. What was made to be a matter of belief, religion and mysticism, took a form of the undeniable truth. Reincarnation. Yes, in your time, reincarnation was a scientifically proven fact…⍣

moodboard

☾ reincarnation au; soulmate au

Each generation had something that they thought was impossible at the beginning of their reign, yet later it sneaked into reality with such smoothness, the discovery was welcomed almost too nonchalantly to be fair. Some thought video phones were out of a fairytale, but decades later they found themselves using those daily, without a second thought or the initial feeling of novelty. That’s how progress worked, you thought. The most farsighted people would just stop wondering and fantasizing, deciding to bring unimaginable things to their tangibility instead. Sometimes, it was scary how quickly those miracles became nothing more than mundane accessories in people’s routine lives.

You hoped it wouldn’t happen to this particular notion, because your generation cracked a shell of something that was beyond one’s comprehension for thousands of years. What was made to be a matter of belief, religion and mysticism, took a form of the undeniable truth. Reincarnation. Yes, in your time, reincarnation was a scientifically proven fact, that also helped in explaining several psychological phenomena; many of which were previously considered to be purely trauma-based. How could this become ordinary? Admittedly, the break through was still fresh in society’s minds, so you didn’t worry about its oblivion. Not yet.

Nowadays, the theurgic discovery nested right in the sweet spot: the government just started to provide financials for research, while keeping the scientific details away from the general public, therefore the concept was still too vague for the scammers to get their hands on it. Sure, mediums offered a look into previous lives long before that, but now they strived to cash on the boost that would inevitably occur, forging some science degrees along the way. The good old psychic shtick was in the past. Claiming you can talk to the dead in a dimly lit room wouldn’t roll anymore. No, people would ask you for your diploma now.

And while grifters tried to figure it out, clinics were built, special nursing courses and programs were organized, and you were fortunate enough to get into one. Studying felt like constant research, as if you were a part of developing this new knowledge, and it felt invigorating. You were learning aspects of reincarnation right as they were uncovered, and isn’t it the best way to become a specialist on the subject? Every piece of information was cherished by everyone around you, so you couldn’t help but stock those close to your heart as well. It all became even more surreal, when you found out that your first internship would be spent under the mentoring hand of none other than the man himself. Dr. Kim Namjoon. A young genius, only a couple of years older than you, that shook the world with his findings and now, naturally, was leading as many research teams as he could handle. The rest still worked with his careful oversight.

The growing amount of brand new possibilities and fields of research seemed overwhelming at times, yet there was one phenomenon that attracted the most attention. Confabulation. A disturbance of memory that used to be defined as the production of fabricated, distorted, or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world, without the conscious intention to deceive. Now - dictionaries with this definition in them could be thrown away, because confabulation was currently known as “the glimpse into one’s past life”. Not really scientific yet, but, yes, those “fabricated” memories were proven to be very real memories that the soul experienced in one of its past incarnations.

People’s confabulations ranged from subtle alterations to bizarre fabrications, and - what’s even more fascinating - those people were generally very confident about their recollections, despite contradictory evidence. That’s why the subjects didn’t bat an eye at the contact with something much more modern than their previous self would be used to. The lucky peculiarity made Dr. Kim’s research much easier and a lot less expensive. After all, it would be highly inconvenient, if the doctors had to build entire eras around their patients - probably separate hospitals for people from certain decades - just for the results to be somewhat valid. It was crucial to keep people of interest calm and undisturbed, so, fortunately, they didn’t freak out when their soul from the 1920’s suddenly woke up hundreds of years later.

Surely, at some point, maybe half a century into the future, fruits of this work will become widely accessible - to wealthy people first, then to common folk - providing everyone with a peep into their distant adventures. Today, however, the thoughts of building any sort of business based on reincarnation were strictly put on hold, at least until Dr. Kim and his team figure out the safest way of putting a person into the state of paramnesia and, most importantly, bringing them out of it. The latter posed as a tougher task, because, at this stage of research, all existing records showed that patients could be stuck in ‘confabulation’ for, apparently, only God knows how long. From days to months, to even years. No trace of noticeable patterns or correlations.

“We have a new patient today,” Dr. Kim stopped in front of another hospital room, and you almost bumped into him, a little too intently scrabbling away in your writing pad. Namjoon (not that you could call him by his name) always had five to seven interns following him during rounds, because “I don’t know if you’ve gathered enough information about me, but I only have two eyes and one brain. I’d rather have all that, but times five. Gross, I agree. Plus, the surgery would cost a fortune. So I dutifully ask of you, interns, the fresh blood of this place, to be my extra eyes, brains, hands. The hospital will provide you with pens and paper. Quantity of your notes could result in quality of our overall data”. Dr. Kim was well aware that he couldn’t catch every single detail by himself - especially since he was the one asking questions - so he took all the help possible, which spoke to his humble nature. The man just really wanted to move forward with his discovery.

But, despite leading the most advanced scientific program in the world, he was quite old fashioned when it came to interacting with patients. Dr. Kim refused to install any hidden cameras in their rooms, because having interns by his side gave him several unique points of view on what his patients said and how they acted; which was priceless, unlike the equipment that would only lower his eyes sight in the end. Have you seen the quality of those videos? One-way mirrors were also unacceptable, as they would turn any conversation into interrogation, and the sheer vibe of the room could make patients feel uneasy. Not to mention the expenses that this kind of purchase would cause. Government could only help to a certain extent, and independent sponsors still found the research too risky and unreliable to invest into.

“I was informed that this case is somewhat special. The patient correctly recalled his name, which could mean one of two things: he just, for some unknown reason, remembered his current name, or, he had the same exact name in his past life. That we won’t be able to determine with certainty until he snaps out of it, I guess.”

“Is it possible that he has kept more memories of his present life? Of course, but we’ll have to wait and see. So,” Dr. Kim took the chart from a wall pocket and looked over it. “Kim Taehyung. Twenty three years old. Male. Car accident. Has a couple of bruised ribs and, of course, a head injury. The decade his soul is currently in: 1960s,” as you might have noticed, Dr. Kim favored answering questions before they were asked, which honestly made things easier, since your preference consisted of staying quiet, observing and writing things down. “You will all be given additional files with more information about him, what his family and friends could provide. Take your notes carefully, so later you can potentially point out similarities between his past and current lifetimes.”

You nodded, along with four other interns, and followed Dr. Kim into the room, laying out some preparatory work on the blank piece of paper: his name, today’s date and the date his soul thinks it is. As you walked in and proceeded to take your usual spot in the corner of the room, your gaze brushed the patient’s figure on the bed, noticing a book in his hand. A book that, according to his perspective of time, would be written half a century later, so, basically, the man was reading a story form the future and didn’t even know it. You made a note of it, even though it wasn’t your main task.

This late into the internship, you and your group-mates have made up a system where each intern had only a couple of aspects of the conversation to document. No one had to split their focus, and, at the end, you’d exchange notes to create the complete picture. Some had to pay close attention to patients’ nonverbal behavior, some listened to their voice and intonations. Your job was to write down the exact words that were said. That’s why you didn’t bother with getting a better place to stand, to look at the young man. Your ears would work perfectly fine from the corner. You were used to carrying this role by now, since it was pretty much the same group of interns every time, and everyone has settled into their groove. Although, maybe, you should’ve switched more often, because catching the words and writing them down became a chain of mindless, automatic operations. It didn’t matter what the conversation was about. You’d analyze everything later, when the puzzle is assembled.

Dr. Kim went through his usual set of questions - nothing specific, yet; minimal usage of modern terminology; just general check up - but, a couple of minutes in, his voice acquired lightness that was slightly out of character, and you even heard Namjoon laugh. Huh. This guy must be very amusing. The thought left your mind as soon as it entered, and you continued to be oblivious to the patient’s velvety voice, or the way a wide boxy grin made his eyes disappear. Words, words, words. You were only concerned with words, not noticing that the room was already charmed and completely in love with Kim Taehyung. Maybe, you’ll feel the same, once you read back everything that’s been written in the past ten minutes.

However, your fluent handwriting suddenly falters when Dr. Kim is interrupted mid sentence.

“Y/N?”

Your own name was left unfinished under the pen as your eyes widened in realization. The patient just called you, and, judging by the tone of his voice, he was pleasantly surprised. You looked up to find every gaze in the room turned in your direction. Taehyung was smiling, and, suddenly, you were very aware of him. Shouldn’t have ignored his presence before, because now it was a bit overwhelming. And there’s that flitting feeling... You’d call it a déjà vu, but it would contradict Dr. Kim’s newest theory. He thought that the concept of “déjà vu” was about alternative universes, not about past lives. According to him, déjà vu appears when you experience something that your alternative self lived through a bit earlier. As if they went through life a little faster, but in a moment of deja vu you catch up to them, hit the same point in time and space, then go your barely separate ways. Anyway...

You turned to Namjoon - who looked surprised, but also intrigued - hoping that your eyes screamed for help obviously enough.

“I didn’t realize that they’ve brought me to your hospital,” the man seemed very excited by the encounter, so, at least, he liked you. But how the hell did he know you at all? You opened your mouth (that appeared to be rid of any moisture) to say something, but Namjoon stepped in; probably to prevent you from answering with anything that could confuse or disturb the patient.

“Excuse me, Taehyung. Can I steal your...?” Dr. Kim paused, expecting for Taehyung to finish the sentence, and - oh boy - he did.

“Fiancée,” the man replied happily, a somewhat prideful look adoring his features. Meanwhile, your ability to breathe was packing its bags, ready to travel. A soft gasp - that sounded a lot like ‘fiancée’ - escaped your lips, and you felt someone’s hand on your back, pushing you off the wall. When did you lean against it? Now that you decided to concentrate on it - your legs were obviously shaking.

“Fiancée,” Dr. Kim repeated, physically pushing you out of the room, because your body didn’t seem to cooperate under the severe shock. You could vaguely - very, very... very vaguely - understand what all of it meant, but the right pieces just bounced off each other, not clicking yet. “Fascinating. We’ll be right back,” Namjoon ushered you out, hoping that Taehyung didn’t find your terrified state too suspicious. He couldn’t let this chance go to waste, because for Dr. Kim everything clicked the moment his patient called your name.

“Y/N, do you know him?” he had to make sure that in this life you were absolute strangers. Your lungs came from their brief vacation and worked with full force, as you frantically tried to remember seeing Kim Taehyung’s face before. No memory came up, and, sure, you could forget a face, but certainly not the fact that you were engaged to said face. So you shook your head, confidently enough for Dr. Kim to light up with delight and anticipation. A new discovery was on the way.

“No, I’ve never seen him, and I am not his fiancée,” you denied the fact as if it was an outrageous accusation, when, in reality, everyone knew that the whole thing was just a trick, played on Taehyung by his own fogged mind.

“That’s excellent!” Namjoon was practically jumping on the spot, while your confusion slowly wore off. Very slowly.

“Excellent? Wha- why, why? Why would you-? I wouldn’t use that wo- ...Oh,” and then it hit you. “OH! It means that he knew me in his past life! Holy sh-“

“Yes, precisely! And it also means that you had the same name in your past life, which means that he probably did too!” Dr. Kim was hitting you with conclusions and calculations - rapid fire style - so your inner scientist was simply ecstatic, yet overwhelmed and a bit dizzy. “And it also means that you physically look the same as your previous self! This is unprecedented! You have to play along!” you were nodding along to everything Namjoon was saying. He was so enthusiastic and fired up, it was infectious. But wait-

“Wha- What?!” did you hear him right? “Play along as in... I have to pretend to be his fiancée?” Namjoon exhaled to calm himself down from excitement, before attempting to calm you down from panicking. His hands squeezed your shoulders, but Dr. Kim soon found that it wasn’t enough to ground you. “I have to do everything that it implies? I have to pretend... to be in love?” you whispered the word ‘love’ like it was something forbidden; like faking love is the most sinful and horrible crime to commit.

“Y/N, my dear Y/N, please, hear me out,” Namjoon’s hands altered to cradle your face, and he looked into your eyes as if you were the only one who could help him, save him; like you were the only person that mattered right now, and if the context of his pleas was any less professional, you’d feel weak in the knees. It made sense, though. Dr. Kim was in love with scientific progress, and you were the embodiment of it in that fateful moment. “We can’t destroy his world right now, because we don’t know- ...we can’t predict what it could possibly do to his mind. It could result in a catastrophe. But, more than that, just- ...just imagine how much we can uncover. You already gave me a lot just by standing in the corner of that room. Do this too, please. It could change everything.”

“I... I am not a good actress. And I don’t know anything about him... about us in his... damn it! Our past life. What if he figures it out?” to be completely honest, you were convinced the moment Namjoon started speaking. You’ve never seen anyone so determined and committed. It truly was the work of his life. Right now, your frightened mind just scrambled for more reassurance that, you knew, he could give you.

“It won’t matter to him. You know as well as I do that these patients don’t get suspicious about things ‘not adding up’. You just have to act like you know him and that, yes, you are a woman in love, about to marry the man of her dreams,” Dr. Kim was still pretty close, so you pealed his hands off your face, in case Taehyung came out of his room. He shouldn’t see you in a position that looks far from innocent. Was he a jealous type? Well, you were already in that mindset, might as well... Your head hit the wall with a quiet knock, and you closed your eyes, thinking things over one last time.

“You don’t seem like the kind of student that would have a crush on their professor, so I won’t ask you to do this for me... unless,” he stretched out the sentence, narrowing eyes at you. Suspicion was real. “...you do have a... crush on me?” you snorted at that. His cluelessness was truly adorable. He obviously didn’t know or care about the proper navigation of someone’s romantic advances. And your reaction to it - as if it was such a ridiculous implication (after all, it wasn’t far fetched at all, because a lot of students did have a crush on him) - didn’t hurt the man, even though he said “ouch”. “Okay, then do it for science, Y/N, because I know you care.”

Dr. Kim lifted his hand, and you were split between rolling your eyes and squealing with joy. Here goes nothing.

“For science,” your fist bumped into his, and that sealed it. You were officially science bros with Kim Namjoon.

...

“Were you really ready to use poor girl’s affection towards you? For your own benefit? Shame on you, Dr. Kim.”

“Uhh, not for my benefit? For science?”

...And you were officially engaged to Kim Taehyung.

The hospital staff was immediately informed of your unusual situation, and not being the only one who had to “play along” felt somewhat relaxing. Moving forward, for Taehyung and everyone else (in Taehyung’s presence) you were just a nurse that worked exhausting shifts daily and fulfilled her duties by caring for all sorts of patients. Now you practically lived at the hospital, not only because nurses in the 60s did that, but because Dr. Kim advised you to spend as much time with your new-old fiancé as you could.

You felt like a government spy, and Taehyung was your mission. In some ways, it was true. You were his lovely bride’s evil tween, and your task was to get close to him, because he held some important secrets. Dramatic, yet strangely accurate. His personal file - that also comprised everyone’s notes on the man - served as your desk book, and his parents’ narrative was your bedtime story. You were relieved to find that Taehyung was single, even though his current life didn’t mean a great deal at the moment. The fact that there wasn’t a romantic partner in sight eased your mind considerably. Directing “heart eyes” (even fake ones) at someone else’s lover would be guilt-inducing, surely. You just hoped that his family and friends were informed of his personal life as well as they thought.

This noble scientific swindle was destined to start awkwardly, so you were having an out-of-body experience during every conversation with Taehyung. Lookers-on see most of the game, and you could imagine how easy it was to point out the stiffness of your posture or the rehearsed nature of your sentences. Your own tongue felt heavy and foreign as it moved in your mouth, and, at one point, Namjoon seriously considered paying for acting classes. He couldn’t have you compromising the “mission” by planting seeds of suspicion into Taehyung’s mind. Admittedly, it would be really hard - or even impossible - to do, but your behavior around the patient was just that unnatural and forced.

By good fortune, Taehyung was completely oblivious to your struggles with communication, and, as irony would have it, played a crucial part in making the whole situation less tense. Of course, he did it without even realizing his own contributions to the success of Dr. Kim’s research. With time, you stopped dreading the interaction and your own heavy-handedness, because, when it came down to it, Taehyung was really easy and fun to be around. He had a gift of making people feel joyous, always ready to spark or endure some benignant foolishness. His ardour was infectious, and the man rarely failed in making you laugh.

One month into the “relationship”, you could unhesitatingly confirm that Taehyung was a sweet and caring boyfriend. More than that, you were convinced that the mastermind behind the term “puppy love” was inspired by the look on Taehyung’s face whenever he zoned out, staring at his fiancée - in this case, you - and it had nothing to do with teenagers being in love. The man was quite affectionate (note: understatement of the millennium), and if, at first, his urge to be close to you was restrained by the injuries and prescribed bed rest, now - you could barely find an empty corner and write your daily report for Namjoon. You had to do it while Taehyung was asleep, which wasn’t particularly problematic, since the boy always nudged you to take a nap on his lap the next day, while he read on a bench in the garden. Taehyung tied your tiredness to night shifts, you imagined.

Nonetheless, being his significant other was challenging in unexpected ways, so you still used Taehyung’s injuries as a protective barrier. The bruise on his bottom lip was pretty severe, so kisses were off the table, which saddened the man greatly. Plus, the complete healing was constantly postponed, because Taehyung would always cut the wound open by smiling widely at something cute you did. When an older nurse scolded the boy for making her tend to his poor lip again and again ( ...and again), Taehyung only shrugged and said that his fiancée was simply too adorable and he couldn’t help it. So. No kisses. Less smiling. Once, though, he turned his head at the right time - just as you leaned in to leave a peck on his cheek - resulting in your lips brushing the corner of Taehyung’s mouth, and it was the closest he got to lip locking with you. That little “accident” got the man so excited, he didn’t beg for kisses that week at all.

It was much harder to deprive him of cuddles, though. Not because there were no excuses to avoid them. He had a couple of broken ribs, and it would be painful to even hug tightly. Pushing the man away, keeping him at the arm’s length turned out to be emotionally exhausting and heartbreaking, because Taehyung didn’t hesitate to regularly remind you of how much he loved all the snuggles and cuddles, and how desperately he missed feeling that sort of closeness with you. Every time you left his side, so he could rest, Taehyung pouted playfully, not willing to let go and fall asleep just yet. On more occasions than your heart would like to admit, you gave in - just a little, but it was a big victory for him - and kissed Taehyung’s forehead, not missing the way he sighed deeply and contentedly as your lips pressed to his skin. The boy’s eyes always appeared a little more dreary when you pulled away, and he never omitted a chance to hold onto your hand for a second longer, before giving you a tight smile and a quiet “goodnight, beautiful”. The image never failed to create a lump in your throat. He deserved much more affection in return, but the “you” that could give it to him was long gone.

Your debt to him was becoming unmeasurable by the day, because, through Taehyung, you could also get a glimpse into your past life, without having to injure your head. It was a truly priceless gift, but its destiny was unknown and impossible to predict. Will Taehyung remember any of your time together after he “wakes up”? Will he remember all the love he spent? All the memories of you he shared? There was no way to tell with certainty. Most patients didn’t recall their “confabulation period” at all. They were left with completely blank pages, and no stories to fill those with. Being in a coma would probably be more entertaining and colorful. Yet, some lucky people remembered parts of different lengths. An even smaller percentage of patients - remembered everything.

You didn’t know for which outcome to hope, but you’d be okay with anything as long as Taehyung didn’t feel sad or hurt, or the wrong kind of foolish for giving away so much of himself; all to someone who failed to appreciate that fraction of time with him for what it was: a beautiful and unselfish gift of love. Sometimes you thought that it was your only chance to be loved like that... in this life.

“The 60s you” was obviously a nurse, but you kept discovering new details about her with every visit to Taehyung’s memory bank. He loved reminiscing about the most trivial things, and even the first time he saw you brush your teeth in the morning was special. That’s when Taehyung knew that you felt like home to him. Well, good for you and your notes to Dr. Kim, who was quite pleased with how detailed your reports were. He did point out that the way you wrote about Taehyung felt more... inspired - less formal and more poetic - though, it didn’t come as a surprise to you, because, with time, you became significantly more fascinated with your-past-self’s future husband... if that makes sense.

Kim Taehyung was a pilot, which slightly correlated with his current occupation: aeronautical engineer; although, it didn’t cover solely planes in your time. He seemed to really love the sky, and it reflected in his poetry preferences. Taehyung read and recited poems about the skies the most, be it the blue and fresh early morning or the mysterious starry night that rhymed within their lines. The “hopeless romantic” side of him was utterly endearing, which is why you struggled to hide your shock when his other passion was revealed. Your-60s-self was probably aware of it, so you couldn’t really react when Taehyung confessed that he missed street fighting almost as much as flying. It was hard to imagine Taehyung expressing any sort of aggression, but that particular hobby of his just proved that everyone needed an outlet. The darkness had to go somewhere, and the man not only let it out away from you or the job, but also got some trophies (or prize money) for it.

Later you found out that Taehyung was into a more... civil form of competing. Yes, it was still violent, but somewhat organized and restricted by a set of rules, which made the whole thing less gruesome in your mind. Taehyung was also strangely amazed at how ironic the cause of his injuries was: with duties and interests as dangerous as flying a plane and street fighting, he managed to be knocked out by a plain car crash. He talked about all of it with such ease that the very thing that should’ve pushed you away, made you distant, brought you a new appreciation for the love you once had for each other. Taehyung trusted you enough to let in on that secret, and you loved him enough to except that dangerous hobby of his. You must’ve been sure that he was worth it.

Yet, while you cherished the love itself, your young heart still couldn’t grasp what your old soul already knew, already lived. Multiple times, it could be. What could create a bond so strong, so powerful that it surfaced through Taehyung several lifetimes later? You couldn’t find the answer with the way you’ve been approaching the mystery so far. Your mind was so completely focused on the words that came out of Taehyung’s mouth, you failed to look past them. Subliminal messages got lost between the lines, because the information for research was your priority. And, even though Dr. Kim praised your reports, there were things about Taehyung that skipped your attention. Some of them were gearing up to hit you in the face pretty soon.

It was a very busy day at the hospital. Several new patients arrived, all with signs of confabulation, but their physical injuries had to be treated first, which made all the real nurses occupied and unavailable to do Taehyung’s scheduled re-bandaging. You’ve seen it done enough times on different patients to know the drill, so you didn’t think twice before agreeing to perform the procedure on your fiancé. Come to think of it, you were never present when his bandages were changed. Every time you went to remind him or ask, he’d already done it.

“Y/N?! What- What are you doing here?” Taehyung stuttered, wide-eyed, as you burst into his room with fresh bandages and other necessary supplies in hands. The man looked panicked, but you decided to write it off as the initial surprise.

“I will be changing your bandages today,” you practically sang and turned to the table for preparations, missing the way your uncharacteristically cheerful mood went completely unnoticed by Taehyung... ironically. On any other day he would eagerly channel, harbor and try his gosh-darn best to increase that rare excited lilt in your voice. He’d strive to make it last as long as possible... Not today, though.

“Are- Are you sure no one else can do it?” the man kept stumbling over his words, voice sounding painfully small, but it still wasn’t enough for you to get suspicious.

“Why? Don’t you trust me? I’m hurt,” you feigned offense, playful to a fault, but the tease went right over Taehyung’s head, who appeared oblivious and rushed to assure you that-

“No, no. Of course, I trust you...,” the sentence faded away as if he mumbled it under his breath, to himself, and the words felt so heavy with worry and nervousness that your movements faded as well, brows furrowing in confusion. You slowly turned to look at him - really look at him - for the first time since stepping into the room. The man before you clearly couldn’t decide what to do with his body, constantly shifting on the bed, not knowing where to place his hands or how to successfully escape your gaze... or his own skin, it seemed. Eventually, Taehyung crossed his arms, protectively hugging himself. You’ve never seen him so tense.

“Tae? Are you sure you’re alright? I’ve seen you shirtless... right?” you chuckled humorlessly, not even buying that that could be the reason for his behavior. Or could it? Why was he acting like this? Was your marriage arranged? Did you agree not to have sex before the wedding? It seemed- felt unlikely, but, before you could spiral into a full on panic mode, he answered...

“Yeah! ... Yeah, let’s just- let’s just do it,” he swallowed, reaching for the hem of his shirt with trembling fingers. You didn’t realize you held your breath until it whooshed out, all at once, at the sight of his bare torso.

In that moment, certain, relatively ordinary for a hospital patient phrases came rushing back to you. “I miss fighting, but with the way my body aches, it feels like I still do it every day”, Taehyung would joke, and your psychoanalytic brain would only highlight the ‘i miss fighting’ part of it, because that gave you new (and quite shocking) information. Now, though, you cursed at your own ability to pay attention to all the wrong details, because it should’ve been obvious. He was in pain.

You stepped closer, taking in all the bruises that covered his upper body. If they were fading now, what was it like before? The mere thought of it and the flashing images made you lightheaded, though they weren’t the main reason why your knees hit the floor in front of him.

“Taehyung-,“ you gasped, reaching out to touch his stomach gently. The man hissed at the sting, but you didn’t move your hand away, only willed it to be even gentler. His presence was a miracle in more ways than one now, because he shouldn’t have survived a crash that left him in so many shades of purple. Not only his soul was a traveler, but his body seemed to have gone through so much as well.

“I didn’t want you to see this,” the man sighed and shook his head in defeat, not looking up to meet your eyes that, he imagined, were wide with horror. They were.

You blinked away the tears, stood up and quickly moved to get the bandages. Suddenly, you wished they were made from the softest material imaginable. They weren’t, but it just meant that you and your hands had to be as careful as ever. Butterfly wings had to have nothing on your fingers. Without realizing it, you promised yourself that he wouldn’t feel a thing as you worked.

Unfortunately, like most things, it was easier said than done, and, even though, you stepped in Taehyung’s direction with determination to soothe his aching body, your lack of experience with “real” nursing tasks was bound to ruin the plan. You weren’t sure what kind of pressure to apply or what was the best way to wrap bandages around his torso, which, combined with the overall painful nature of the procedure, only interrupted the quietness of the room with Taehyung’s grunts and hisses, always followed by his strained “it’s okay, keep going”. Your hands froze every time he made a distressed sound, but, when a number of them crossed what seemed like a hundred, you only wished to finish faster.

The less bandages there were left - the more concentrated you became, finally finding your groove. Later, it would feel like an out of body experience. Like you’ve done this before, or, rather, your soul did, and it took the reigns in that moment, not asking for permission. You moved around Taehyung with much more swiftness, getting lost in your own repetitive movements. One roll of stretchy fabric later, you were ready to tie the final knot over his right shoulder. Taehyung moaned in pain, again, when you applied more pressure to make the knot tighter, and the next words escaped your mouth before you could think about it.

“I’m sorry, baby. It’s almost done,” your soul seemed to take over you completely. The phrase slipped out so naturally, you appeared right where he was - in your shared past life. Taehyung turned to look at you; so fast, you thought you heard his neck crack. And you realized why the man was stunned, yet, strangely, you didn’t feel the urge to be surprised about it as well. This moment felt too right to ruin it with stuttering excuses.

“What?” you asked innocently, referring to his wide eyes and the fact that his mouth was hanging open. The boy blinked a couple of times, still unmoving, but when you shrugged and moved again to check if the bandages were wrapped around him comfortably, Taehyung snapped out of it.

“You didn’t call me that- baby in awhile,” he paused, looking down at his lap. “I missed it,” Taehyung wished you didn’t say it now; not when he felt so undeserving of it. From where you were standing, though, he deserved to be called the sweetest of names all year long.

You circled the bed to stand in front of him. When Taehyung didn’t look up, guilt radiating off of him, your fingers reached for his chin to gently brush and tilt it up. Your eyes locked with his, and you felt your soul flutter... No. You felt your soul shudder as it desperately gulped for air after being suffocated under miles and miles of water for the longest time. You guessed, it was because you looked at him with a clear, unselfish purpose for the very first time.

“Don’t hide things like that from me again,” you said - quietly, yet firmly - right before your throat started to tighten with emotions under the intensity of his gaze. He looked back earnestly, like he couldn’t believe the sight. He couldn’t believe that he got to see you like that: brave and terrified, determined and vulnerable. So beautiful. Still, he didn’t deserve it. But he would take in every detail, until his own eyes would start to water, matching yours. After all, he was just as terrified and just as brave as you were. Just as beautiful.

The air was charged with rawest intimacy, yet, it felt empty. Not void of emotion or meaning, no. Quite the opposite. It simply felt freeing. Like you could spread your arms and spin, and you wouldn’t bump into a bed, a table, chairs. Your wild limbs wouldn’t touch a thing. You didn’t dare move and explore this vacuum, though, because, when it came down to it, you’d much rather spend every moment of that freedom next to him. You were zoned in on each other. Cocooned in this blissful nothingness that was supposed to make you shiver, make your skin crawl, and still, you felt warm... like your souls were hugging.

Suddenly, it wasn’t enough, and soon Taehyung’s hands were on your waist, guiding you closer. Your shaky knees nearly buckled, when the man buried his face in your stomach, wrapping the whole length of his arms around you and holding you tightly. A bated gasp escaped your lungs, but even your heartbeat slowed down and got quiet as soon as you realized that Taehyung was mumbling something into the material of your white coat. You could tell by the waves of warm air spreading against your belly and his lips moving to let it out. It tickled a little, but you managed to make out a couple of phrases. “I’m sorry” and “I won’t”.

In that moment, you felt beyond any time any place. It was scary and felt so immeasurably bigger than both of you. Did Taehyung sense it as well? Did his soul? Your fingers reached for his hair, running through it, and you felt an exhale against your core - trembling with relief - like he was going crazy without your touch, and now was on the verge of insanity, because he finally felt it. You smiled, letting the tears fall freely on top of his head. Your mind wasn’t quite set on why you felt like crying for hours. Were you just deprived of such pure human contact for so long, or was your soul crying in a mix of pain and happiness at having him so close again?

“You worry about me so much as it is. I didn’t want to add to it,” Taehyung pulled away a little, his chin still attached to you, and looked up. He seemed miserable and exhausted, making you wonder if he felt this way too often lately and was just really good at hiding it. But then, from a different perspective, he looked at ease and, somehow, younger. His eyes appeared less clouded, almost crystalline, and, for what it’s worth, you were happy that Taehyung didn’t have to mask his feelings anymore. Not from you. For as long as this incarnation of him would stay here.

“You are a miracle,” you whispered as your fingers left his hair, sliding down to cradle his face instead. This phrase belonged to multiple versions of you - to “the scientists” you, to “the 60s nurse” you, to “the fiancée” you - but, ultimately, it belonged to your soul. Taehyung’s eyes widened for a split second, giving away his surprise at your words, but then a brilliant smile spread across the man’s features. He smiled like he realized something you didn’t, you couldn’t, because he was in this relationship with you for much longer, so he studied you that much closer. Now, it seemed ridiculous that you ever felt more aware of things than him, when you only knew one thing - his condition - and Taehyung has lived years by your side.

“I missed you calling me that too,” he said teasingly and placed a quick kiss to the inner side of your wrist. You said that to him before? Wow, you really did, didn’t you? Of course. “Although, it would usually be ‘you are my miracle’, but we’ll get there again.”

Again. So he noticed the change, the setback. He felt the distance you’ve put between them. Taehyung might have been oblivious to the fact that the books he read were from another century, but he was attuned to you and your moods this whole time. Did your behavior confuse him? How did he explain it to himself? Did he suspect that something wasn’t right? Just like that, the research was on your mind again...

And, just like that, you also realized that that research wouldn’t be your priority anymore when it came to Taehyung. Taehyung himself would become your main focus. Not only his words would concern you, not only the information he gives you to fill out reports, but his feelings, his well-being, his heart.

You promised yourself to keep Taehyung’s heart safe, dreading the fact that he was probably right. You will get there. One day, you will want to call him yours, and that will become your downfall.

After what could only be described as a life changing experience you felt the shift. You felt your soul move for Taehyung whenever he was near. It arched stubbornly towards his soul, kicking and screaming, like it wanted to hug its newfound lover again. You felt your heart beat faster every time he smiled at you. This relationship danced on the verge of being too real for comfort and was destined to end in a catastrophe, given the speed at which your affection for Taehyung was growing. Hell, sometimes you had to physically pinch yourself to keep from daydreaming about your shared past life. You found yourself wondering, quite frequently, if those versions of the two of you really loved each other till their dying days. Or did they divorce years later? No, that didn’t feel right. Could you Google that?

It didn’t help that Taehyung felt the shift as well. He started to initiate more physical contact without fearing your rejection, and you didn’t have it in you to push him away anymore. So you just held you breath every time his hand casually slid down your back and stayed on the small of it, all while he quietly watched you fill out fake reports at the nursing station. Eventually, seeing your frustration with the task, he’d start to rub your lower back in soothing circles, which made you relax almost instantly. It’s like he knew exactly what you needed... He knew you.

Sometimes (and it started to happen more often as the time went on), you forgot to separate your past and present lives from each other, eagerly listening to Taehyung’s stories like they were all a part your grand character ark. You saw yourself as the manifestation of all the previous incarnations, finding that you always agreed with your own views on life and love, and the world... however different those worlds may have been.

You grew more curious with each passing day, gradually becoming fascinated not only with Taehyung, but with his version of you. You liked her. She seemed wiser then than you were now, and you wondered which path she took to become that at this age. She was impressive. A lifetime ago “you” had enough courage to change your career’s direction halfway through college, from journalism to medicine, realizing you wanted to take care of people the way you helped Taehyung through some rough fighting aftermaths. You still loved to do research and write, and the boy confessed that watching you mull over the right order of words was very calming.

At least, “the current you” was wise enough to bite her tongue and not ask Taehyung and excessive amount of questions... most of the time. Yes, he wouldn’t bet an eye and just rationalize your curiosity, coming up with an explanation on his own (you had a feeling that he often settled on “a semi-subtle check-up of his memory for a medical record”), but Namjoon gave you specific instructions that you had to follow... or try to follow. It was hard when Taehyung lit up like a Christmas tree every time you answered “fine” to his question of “how are you today, beautiful?” That’s an odd reaction, right? So you had to ask. As it turned out, a couple of years ago you and Taehyung came to a conclusion that being “fine” is way better than being “great! excellent! happy!” Why? Because every time you feel happy, inevitably, you also feel that ounce of fear that that feeling will soon end.

“I am always a little scared when I’m with you, though,” he confessed, and you felt your heart skip a bit. That goddamn charmer! What was even more infuriating is his complete obliviousness to the fact that one of the most romantic and smooth lines just came out of his mouth. Taehyung simply kept watching you with a gentle smile on his lips, absolutely loving the way you didn’t seem to know what to do with yourself. You kept avoiding his gaze, looking everywhere, but mostly at your lap. You were blushing furiously, all the way to the tips of your ears. And you were smiling so wide, you had to bite down on your lip to suppress it. Your painfully endearing shyness seemed to have awakened a strange sense of déjà vu within him, and you heard Taehyung hum softly beside you.

“What?” you asked, finally being able to look at him directly.

“I don’t know,” the man shrugged, reaching out to play with your hair. “Somehow, it just felt like when we first started dating.”

A sudden gust of nostalgia for something you’ve never known, never experienced hit you in the chest, quickly spreading to engulf your whole body and making you gasp in surprise. Anemoia’s the word, right? Dr. Kim was writing a paper on it at the moment. You could definitely help him with some interesting insight now, because your entire being was lovingly placed into another time and space. Almost the way a song that played at your prom takes you back to the night, so your body is momentarily tricked into believing that you are actually there.

Only it wasn’t a song this time, it was a person. It was Taehyung that lead you to that feeling and made it last for more than a split second. You could taste the difference on the tip of your tongue as if the air around you really shifted into something tangible and full of memories. And you remembered how it felt to simply exist back then. How it felt to be you, living in your skin in another time... And it was your second or third date, yet you could still feel the butterflies just looking at him. Faint jazz music suddenly reached your ears, and you wanted to hum a tune that you’ve never heard before.

Was it where Taehyung’s mind went? Did you feel the right things? You couldn’t possibly be sure, but nostalgia was never this striking or lasted that long.

“You fully intend to keep making me fall for you, don’t you?” Taehyung whispered mindlessly, as if to himself, but the implication left you more breathless then seemed possible. There was a negative amount of air in your lungs now. “Over and over again,” he was closer somehow, fingers brushing your neck without a specific intention. He was just submitting to the pull he always felt near you. The one that makes you move and touch, and watch intently. It’s when you register every drop of her eyelashes, yet you don’t seem to notice yourself leaning in. The movement is barely there, but oh wow, it’s impactful. “I have to say, I don’t mind one bit.”

You feel his words on your lips now. They are full of breath that you lack, and it would be almost too delicious to make him share it. You had the chance to be selfish in the most acceptable and pleasant way. But... You simply wouldn’t come back from it. You would be going for seconds every chance you got. But...

You make him fall deeper in love? This you? This present-time-you? The thought was dangerous with how flattering it was, making your heart stutter. Taehyung’s eyes were already closed and he was angling his head slightly, looking like the angel he is. Gentle, even if a little impatient. Meanwhile, you felt like a mess. Overwhelmed and very conflicted. You swallowed and shut your eyes tightly, already scowling at what you were about to do. And when did your breath come back, making your chest heave this heavily?

“Tae?”

“Yes?” he sounded so shaken by mere anticipation, you had to keep yourself from whining and giving in. It was just cruel how undeniable his need for you was.

“I need to go back to work,” the broken exhale that he let out was bound to haunt your dreams. You didn’t look back as you walked away.

You couldn’t figure him out. You couldn’t “predict” him. It seemed like he instinctively dodged every romantic comedy cliche. There were countless melodramatic tropes paved for him, but he always chose to swerve and draw his own patterns. You imagined, he was always the kid that, on his way home from school, would be tempted to mark the perfect white canvas of fresh snow with his footprints - and would do it too, eventually, dragging his feet through the deep drifts - while everyone else just followed the padded path.

Taehyung didn’t seem upset or hurt. He didn’t question your escape nor did he try to make you feel guilty about it. As if the boy refused to see that hurried exit of yours as the door being shut in his face, and, instead, saw it as your trauma of almost loosing him melting away a little more. To Taehyung, your soul needed just a little more convincing before letting him in again and trusting that nothing will happen that could put his life at risk. Not if he could help it.

Apparently, the key point of his strategy was to remind you of how good and fun you were together, often acting like teenagers in love with total disregard for whether the time and place were appropriate. Yet, your displays of affection never crossed the line into something provocative or deprecated. True to his pure and innocent nature, Taehyung’s “moves” always looked playful and, dare you say, cute in everyone’s eyes, with your overflowing fondness towards each other making people around you go “aww”.

And the boy would definitely be lying if he said that your flustered appearance and blushing cheeks didn’t make it that much more fun for him.

“You should be more careful next time, Mrs. Lee,” since you were helping with Taehyung’s bandages more often and leveled up your nursing skills training on him, it wasn’t a rare occurrence for you to look after other patients as well.

“I know, dear. I guess the kettle was just too heavy for me,” the old woman sighed as you wrapped her burnt wrist carefully. Mrs. Lee was a sweet lady - always put together and endlessly welcoming - but a bit too clumsy for her own good. It was her third minor injury this week. Previously, she managed to hit her toe against the bed frame and get a pretty nasty paper cut on her thumb. Ouch. Her soul thought it was 1920s, so maybe people were more careless about their health back then.

“There you are!” Taehyung’s booming voice entered the room before the man himself burst inside, and you didn’t miss the way Mrs. Lee’s eyes lit up. She adored him. Everyone did. “Good morning, Mrs. Lee! New day - new adventure, I see. I’m glad you keep my fiancée on her toes,” Tae winked, and you heard the woman actually giggle. The power he possessed was truly boundless.

“I do what I can,” Mrs. Lee was full on beaming now - bright and happy - the pain in her wrist seemingly forgotten. You smiled to yourself too, finishing up the procedure.

“Mornin’, beautiful,” Taehyung lowered his voice, and it took less than a second for you to start blushing. Blood rushed to your face somewhere between his breath hitting your ear and his lips briefly pressing to your temple. You were used to a lot of “Taehyung things” by this point (barely): holding Taehyung’s hand, brushing Taehyung’s hair while he slept, Taehyung’s fingers dancing across your back while you worked. Always teasing. Sometimes tickling. Like right now. Up and down. Up and down. Down. Down, down. Wait, what?

“Taehyung!” you gasped. He pinched you! He pinched your butt!

Your hand flew to cup the “violated area” (on pure reflex) as you turned, wide-eyed, to Taehyung, who was clearly trying his best to stifle the fit of giggles. He had the audacity to look surprised by your animated reaction, like it wasn’t his intention all along. Oh, he was so amused! The boy quickly hid his hands behind his back as if trying to dispose of the evidence, but you were already on a mission to give him a piece of your mind.

“Out!” you grabbed Taehyung’s arm and proceeded to drag him out of the room, unwilling to scold the men in front of another patient.

“Mrs. Lee, save me!” he pleaded, not really trying to put up a fight, even though he definitely could.

“You are on your own, young man,” the older lady just laughed and, rather entertained, waved the two of you a goodbye.

“What the hell, Taehyung?” you whisper-screamed as soon as the door closed behind him. Your “disapproving wife” mode was all the way on, and you didn’t even know it was a part of your settings in the first place. Taehyung took in your crossed arms and furrowed eyebrows, feeling strangely endeared. Let’s keep it going for a bit, he thought. “That was really inappropriate!”

“Well, if you didn’t scream like that, she wouldn’t even notice. So, objectively, this is your fault,” he argued, mimicking your irritated posture.

“Objective- !? Don’t do this around other patients!” you hissed back, now vaguely aware of the fact that Taehyung was probably messing with you.

“Does it mean I can do it when we are alone?” the boy not-at-all-subtly wiggled his (gorgeous) eyebrows and stepped closer, placing his hands on your waist.

“Well, not anytime soon. You’ve ruined it for yourself,” you were still frowning - in a desperate attempt to appear mad - but your lips were starting to angle up in a smile, treacherously so.

“You are mean,” he pouted. Well, that’s not fair.

“And you are childish.”

“You like it though,” somewhere, in the back of your mind, you were painfully aware of how it all looked. Your palms rested peacefully on his chest, and you smiled at each other without saying a word, yet understanding everything. ‘I do like it. I can’t help it.’ You were in love. Really, really, really in love. “And you are right. It was inappropriate. I’m sorry. I just wanted to tease you and took it too far. It won’t happen again.”

“Thank you,” you sighed and leaned forward, so his lips effortlessly pressed to your forehead. You were so screwed.

After escaping Taehyung’s warm embrace (quite reluctantly), you snuck back into the room. The door clicked upon closing, and you were met Mrs. Lee’s knowing smile.

“Is Taehyung in trouble?” she asked, but, if your own tender smile was any indication, he very obviously wasn’t. You still shook your head ‘no’ and averted your eyes, suddenly shy. The woman laughed quietly at your timidity, while you busied yourself with her wrist. Taehyung’s little “tease” interrupted your work in quite a dramatic way, so you weren’t even sure if the task was completed properly. “Be glad he’s still playful. That boy has eyes only for you. I can tell.”

If you were blushing before, now your face caught on fire. It was one thing to experience Taehyung’s absolute devotion yourself, but to have it pointed out by someone else was another feeling entirely. Once again, you couldn’t help but think that your past-life-self got really lucky with him. Oh.

“How did he propose?” the question halted your movements for a split second. Oh. How did he propose? That’s right. You didn’t know. Because it wasn’t to you. The blush on your cheeks fainted, and you suddenly felt cold. It was so easy to smile just a second ago, but now you had to put in a tremendous effort in order to appear unaffected. Though, if you listened closely, you could still feel your soul sighing in content from having Taehyung so near and so warm, and not so long ago. A bittersweet feeling, but it helped.

“It’s almost time for your check up with Dr. Kim. How about we save that story for later?”

Mrs. Lee nodded, a little upset, and you couldn’t blame her. You’d love to hear all about it yourself. It would hurt even more, sure, but if you were to bet your life on anything, you’d bet it on Taehyung organizing the most wonderful and romantic proposal in the history of mankind. You didn’t dare coming up with something of your own right now, because it simply wouldn’t compare.

Millions of thoughts and questions flooded your mind even before you left Mrs. Lee’s room. It wasn’t really you Taehyung was in love with. Of course, it wasn’t. It was another girl that shared your soul and looked like you. But then... Were you essentially your soul? Did it matter what life made of the rest of you? Was Taehyung in love with your soul exclusively? He said it himself. He was falling deeper in love with you.

Taehyung’s beloved soul was your soul. It was just a lifetime older than he thought.

“Y/N?” Namjoon’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts, and, after looking around for a second, you numbly discovered that your feet didn’t carry the rest of your body too far away from the door. “You okay?”

You nodded, but he didn’t seem convinced. The man was probably on his way to Mrs. Lee, so you had to pull yourself together as to not hold him up.

“Could you, please, stop by my office later? I’d like to talk to you.”

“Sure,” you managed a verbal response this time. Short and sweet. Nice job all around, but it still earned you a concerned look from Namjoon. He regarded you for another moment, then nodded, disappearing behind the door a second later.

You probably should’ve blinked at least once.

It turned out that Dr. Kim unintentionally witnessed the quiet and sweet moment you shared with Taehyung outside Mrs. Lee’s room. The hospital hall could be considered a public place, so the display of affection wasn’t meant to be hidden, yet, Namjoon felt as if he was prying on an intimate exchange. That foreign feeling made him stop and pay attention to something besides science (though, implicitly, the issue at hand was related to it), which said a lot. He was notoriously unaware of... He was notoriously unaware. Period.

That, combined with faint mental notes he made while reading your reports, pushed Dr. Kim to invite you to his office for a private conversation. The way your descriptions of Taehyung’s past and present increased in poetic value as the time went on never really bothered Namjoon, because he could always work around that and still get a lot of valuable information. Plus, your expressiveness made it into a good read.

Your every word became more vibrant and meaningful after he saw the way you looked at your fiancé. You were a terrible actress, and no one knew it better than Kim Namjoon. The man wasn’t being overly dramatic when he confessed to having nightmares in which your acting was so bad that it made Taehyung “snap out of it” and leave. Namjoon bet a lot on you.

It was supposed to be a game of pretend, and he had to make sure it was still the case for you. Was Dr. Kim doing it for science? The man wasn’t sure himself. His research could still become groundbreaking, whether your heart ended up broken or not, but Namjoon just couldn’t stay unaware this time around. So now you were passing from wall to wall in his office, trying not to panic. Trying and failing.

"How much longer will I have to play along? He wants... to do stuff, you know? I am his fiancée,” Namjoon glanced up from his papers, slight alarm in his gaze, so you hurried to clarify. “No, he doesn’t say or do anything. I just feel it.”

"Just tell him he's too weak for that," Dr. Kim shrugged, but then paused for a moment. It’s been a little less than three months. Taehyung was almost completely healthy. “Wait, actually, just tell him that it's against hospital policy. Or both.”

"That's what I tell him, but he's just so damn eager and responsive to everything I do! Not in a gross way, but still! What if he never comes back from it? What if I-,” fall in love before he wakes up? You didn’t finish the thought out loud, but your breathing was rushed and uneven, so he knew. He’s observant at the very least, but it’s more than that. You both knew. Namjoon was surprised at himself, and you were surprised to see his eyes so full of untapped emotion. He looked a little sad, but mostly worried. Maybe a tad bit apologetic. You hoped you imagined a drop of regret in the mix, because that’s what you didn’t feel, despite hurting.

"Do you like him?"

I’m in love with him.

"I do,” you said, defeated, yet, somehow, relieved by acceptance and the openness. For a split second you got scared that Namjoon would pull the plug on the research. “But let me do this. I will never hold it against you.”

The man appeared conflicted, but not nearly enough to drop all the progress you’ve made. To put the work of his life on hold. And you wouldn’t let Namjoon do it, even if he was ready to quit for your sake. You were his partner in crime, just as involved, and your “timeless lover” didn’t make you forget that. At least your heart would be broken for science.

"His feelings for you are not real. Not in this life. Please, remember that and be careful, Y/N".

Yeah. It was a little too late for that.

Maybe you overestimated your own determination to finish the research, or maybe it was harder not to pretend and be in love, with clear mind and a heavy heart. Maybe it was harder to accelerate, knowing that you were gonna crash. That, eventually, Taehyung would come to his senses and leave to live his life.

Truth be told, you hoped it would happen sooner than later. Preferably before you married him, had kids and grew old together. Imagine trying to explain to someone where their whole life went and why another version of them got to live two.

To say that you were torn would be an understatement. Oh, how you wanted to just give in and love him, and be loved! It was agonizing, ironically so, because you couldn’t help but see it as the foreshadowing of the day that his love would be taken away from you, whether you decided to let yourself have it or not.

Your scale was looking more and more like the game of seesaw, refusing to balance, constantly tipping one way or the other. You went from being playful and engaged (no pun intended) to appearing cold and distant to everyone around you, not only Tae. The uncertainty was exhausting, to the point where you missed the days of just being awkward and nervous around “Taehyung the Patient”. Back when your love for him was only a memory that your mind would never be able recall, because, up until this point, it only echoed in the depths of your old soul.

There was no end to this back and forth, it seemed. But when, one day, you saw the way your internal turmoil affected the one you cherished the most, it became exceptionally easy to make a choice.

“Tae, I am leaving for the day,” you cracked open the door to his room and quickly scanned the space to make sure he was there. The lights were off, but as soon as your eyes got used to it, you found Taehyung standing by the window. It wasn’t an unusual sight, since he loved to admire the night sky every chance he got. The moon was full and visible for the first time in weeks, so, of course, the man was there to appreciate it in all its glory.

“See you tomorrow?”

On nights like this you always tried to say goodbye and make your exit swiftly, leaving Taehyung to have his moment of peace, but this time the boy’s profile didn’t seem serene to you. There was no dreamy smile playing on his lips. His eyes weren’t traveling from star to star, looking for constellations. Instead, his lips were stretched thin and pale, and probably bitten in worry. You could see that he was frowning, but the blank look in his eyes was the most concerning.

“Tae?” when he didn’t answer again, you stepped further into the room. The door creaked unpleasantly, pulling Taehyung from his thoughts. At the sight of you something in him moved, but stayed still. It felt like his soul immediately reached out for yours, and, for the first time, he didn’t let its urges guide him. The realization terrified you. He was uncertain. You hated it.

“Hey. Sorry, I didn’t hear you. Are you leaving?” Taehyung asked. He understood that you had to go home sometime, yet, it didn’t make him miss your presence less. The boy never wanted you to leave, and it was always obvious. Except now. Taehyung wasn’t sure if he wanted you to stay, because he wasn’t sure if you’d rather go. He hated it.

“Um, yeah. I was about to head out,” your thumb pointed towards the exit, but you proceeded to move forward and soon stopped, facing Taehyung by the window. “Is everything okay?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t-“

“Tae,” you cut in, suddenly desperate to resolve whatever was troubling him. “You can tell me,” when your fingers moved across the windowsill to touch his, Taehyung held his breath, because you never really initiated physical contact before. Not like this. Your touch was always meant to comfort or calm him. You never did it, because you yourself craved the closeness. “Please, tell me.”

“It’s you,” Taehyung breathed, and your fingers froze millimeters away from his. It broke the boy’s heart a little, but he couldn’t keep his own muddle to himself anymore. Because you did initiate touches before. You were utterly selfish and demanding when it came to keeping him close, and it was so very charming, he couldn’t stand being away. Taehyung felt needed. Sadly, that car crash seemed to have broken something between you. And it split his life in two.

“I don’t recognize you,” for a moment you thought that his old memories were leaving him, confabulation gradually wearing off, but no. The memories of two lives weighed him down, conflicting and contradicting each other. It pained you to see him so lost.

“And I don’t feel like you recognize me, either. Most of the time you look at me like I am a stranger,” Taehyung’s voice started wavering, confused and sorrowful, as if the boy never imagined that he would be saying this to you. Your fingers moved again, completely on their own, to touch him. To comfort him. “At first I thought that, maybe, you were just in shock after the accident. Maybe, you thought you were going to lose me. And I get it, I do. I can see that you still love me,” oh, thank God, he saw it. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself, if he lost his faith in your love - the only thing he wholeheartedly connected to in this world, in this time. “But it’s been months of up and downs, and I don’t understand, and- it’s just starting to hurt.“

Taehyung gasped a couple of seconds before your lips met his, because it was only the third of the things you did. First, you intertwined your fingers and tugged him closer. Second, your right hand flew up to rest on the back of his neck, pulling him down. Third. The moment fell into complete stillness as you stayed there, unmoving, with your lips pressed together way too tightly. If he was going to feel your kiss for the first time in months, you were going to make it count. You wanted it to leave a mark on his heart, deep enough to reach his soul.

And maybe that kiss felt like trying too hard at first - because, admittedly, you were a little desperate to heal his doubtful mind - but it all clicked into place, when his fingertips reached to touch the side of your face. Still unsure and nervous, but slowly starting to believe that it was really happening. In that moment, you heard your soul whisper something not so secret: it, and you, already knew how to kiss him right. You knew how to kiss Taehyung to make him smile. You knew how to kiss him to drive him crazy with want. You knew. So you pulled back to lessen the pressure, letting your lips move smoothly and tenderly against his. You knew how to kiss Taehyung to make him feel loved.

"Do I kiss the same?” you asked, breathless, hoping against all hope that you really did kiss his lips right now just as you kissed him a lifetime ago. The man swallowed shakily, nodding his head. Taehyung didn’t move away, not even a little, as if he simply missed the feeling of your breath on his skin. To him, there was something so singular and intimate about the face-to-face, skin-to-skin closeness and sharing the same air, that you never even had the “big spoon/little spoon discussion”. The pair of you always fell asleep and woke up facing each other, morning breath be damned.

“Yes. Yes, you do,” his hands cupped your face - understandably urgent, but still so very gentle - and he dove right back into the kiss. You had no choice but to keep up, because Taehyung seemed determined to have all the wasted time made up for. It wasn’t long before he lost himself in you: hands in your hair, fingers and thumbs; deep little sighs and sweet noises against your lips. The way Taehyung moved became almost chaotic as he tried to find some balance between holding you close and not breaking his ribs all over again.

While Taehyung was quick to melt into the kiss, you took your time, letting the inevitable impact build and build under your skin - with every slide of his lips, with every touch of his fingers - to, eventually, hit you all at once like a tidal wave. Taehyung wasn’t exploring you like this for the first time, (even though, judging by how eager he was, you wouldn’t be able to tell), but to you, in this body at least, it was the first. And, oh, what an absolutely maddening ride. To top it all off, you forgot to take into consideration that, as well as you knew how to make his body tick, Taehyung was just as knowledgeable about your weaknesses. Within minutes, naturally, he managed to make you mewl and pant, and tremble against him.

“Tae,” your attempt to pull away failed, so his name got muffled by his own mouth. You smiled at his unwillingness to stop kissing, but tried again, pushing lightly at his chest. Nightshift nurses took their duty seriously. “Tae, we should stop.”

The man made a faint noise of disapproval at the loss of contact, but nodded and gave you some space. It felt as if your lips would never stop buzzing.

“Sorry, it’s just,” he paused, catching his breath, and no one could understand him better than you. That was intense. “It’s been so long.”

Taehyung’s hold on your waist tightened, and you could feel those words coming. The anticipation in your chest was tangible, yet you’ve never felt more content.

“I love you.”

…

“I love you, too.”

Looking back, yes, it should have been an awkward interaction for you. By all accounts. Faking affection towards someone you barely knew, just to get data. Ridiculous. But… If someone asked you about it right now, you’d say that pretending to be in love with him was the easiest thing you ever had to do.

So you let yourself love Taehyung for another day. For another week. Trusted him with your heart completely, without caution or doubt. Became adorably clingy, just the way he remembered you. Whatever common sense that was left in your system was used to dodge the wedding plans discussions, and it was easier, too, because you could just kiss the boy into silence, and he would never complain about that or suspect anything. Taehyung just figured, you missed him just as much as he missed you. But, oh, how you wanted to indulge in those discussions sometimes.

Namjoon still tried his best to forewarn and protect you, but, at the same time, he understood that it wasn’t his choice to make anymore or his place to judge your decision. All he could do was go through your daily reports and gather all information possible. No one could halt the research, simply because it became more than just a research to you. Namjoon did hope, though, that it would come to an end before the point where your heartbreak overshadowed the triumph of science.

And it did.

“I will love you forever,” he said the night before, as a goodbye you both thought would only last till morning. You smiled, letting him kiss your forehead, and replied: “You better.”

Your coat wasn’t even off yet, when you spotted Namjoon coming out of Taehyung’s room. He was smiling to himself as he closed the door, and then his eyes found yours. Slowly, you moved towards him, even though Namjoon didn’t call. Not with words or gestures at least. The man’s smile turned into something undefinable, an anxious mix of dread and hopefulness. You finally stopped in front of him, eyes pleading.

“He’s back,” Namjoon said, clearly, but why did it also sound like “He’s gone” to you? That must have been the somber undertones in his voice.

“Oh,” you exhaled, fumbling with buttons on your jacket. Okay. It’s alright. You knew this was coming.

“He wants to talk to you,” the man continued, and, before you could panic, his hand landed on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You are going to be fine.”

Namjoon looked deep into your wide, petrified eyes and smiled again, a lot warmer this time. His other hand lifted fluidly, and you followed its direction to breathe in... and breathe out.

“Y/N,” Namjoon called, finally getting your gaze to focus on him. “Thank you. For everything.”

Your eyes suddenly watered, and you couldn’t help but smile at the man. He was your clarity and reason in all this madness.

“No problem, Dr. Kim,” you raised your fist for him to bump, making the lovely dimples appear on his cheeks. “For science,” Namjoon laughed at that, and quickly bumped your awaiting fist, before wrapping you in a tight hug.

“For science.”

“Hey,” the door creaked right as you said that, making your whole body wince. Great start. It’s wasn’t a loud hey in the first place, so you prepared to say it again, oblivious to the fact that Taehyung’s attention was already on you.

“Hey,” he echoed, straightening up a little. No longer oblivious, you let yourself look at him. He was sitting on the bed with a book in his hands, and you noted that it was opened on one of the later pages. He didn’t start from the beginning, but continued reading it. “Please, come in.”

The boy crossed his legs, making more room for you on the bed, but you moved to stand at the foot of it. He didn’t question your choice of position, wisely deciding to give you some much needed space. In that moment, it suddenly hit you that only yesterday you could come in and practically jump into his arms, starting Taehyung’s morning with a kiss. It wasn’t the case anymore.

A moment of awkward silence stretched through the air, but, eventually, you gathered enough courage to speak first.

“Do you remember-"

"I remember everything," Taehyung deadpanned, and you nodded, swallowing some of the nerves. Namjoon suspected he would. This was no ordinary case. “And I am glad I do.”

The addition made you look up from the floor. Taking a chance to study Taehyung closer, you didn’t expect to find the look in his eyes so... sympathetic. And curious. And anticipating.

“Oh, God, Tae,” sudden embarrassment washed over you, and your hands came up to cover your flushed face. “I am so sorry. I feel so terrible-“

“What? Why are you apologizing?” Taehyung was taken aback, seemingly surprised by the outburst of guilt. Trying to explain your embarrassment was, somehow, even more embarrassing.

“You weren’t in your right mind, and I sort of took advantage of that,” truth be told, you never saw it that way before. Not until you met the real Taehyung. “With all the kisses and touches. I should’ve stopped it. It’s your body, and I had no right-“

“No, no, no. I get it,” as if pulled by some force, the boy shuffled across the bed on his knees, eventually stopping in front of you. His fingers wrapped around your wrists, gently moving your hands away from your face. “You had to keep the story going for me. Dr. Kim explained everything.”

‘Right. Keeping the story going. That’s all it was,’ you thought ruefully, but said:

“Thank you for understanding,” it was easy to smile at Taehyung, even now, so you did. The boy smiled back, releasing your wrists, and, strangely, you didn’t feel like keeping distance between you anymore. “I feel a little less perverted.”

“Good. You should,” Taehyung nodded, looking proud of the fact that he didn’t let you think badly of yourself. “So,” the man shrugged innocently, letting his hands fall to rest of his thighs. “You said you sort of took advantage...,” Taehyung’s eyes glimmered mischievously, and you noticed his fingers tapping a playful rhythm on his lap. Wait... “Does it mean that you liked it? If it was to your advantage...”

Was he teasing you right now?

“Oh, wow. That was so bad,” you burst out laughing, which felt kind of anticlimactic, but so so needed. That’s Taehyung for you. The boy laughed along, showing off that infectious boxy smile of his. “How about I leave now, for awhile, and you come up with something better, okay?”

“Wait, wait,” Tae reached for your hand again, when you made a move towards the door. Both of you knew that you weren’t really leaving. “Do you want to get a cup of coffee? With me? Or tea? You like tea, right?” it’s like the boy wanted to prove that he remembered these things about you. It was sweet.

“Tae, are you sure? I mean, it wasn’t really you who liked me-“

“I said I remember everything, and I really like what I remember. About you. About us. I mean, if anything, the question is did you like the-past-life me, because, let me tell you, he’s not that different from the guy standing right here.”

“Well, obviously. The soul is the same.”

“See? Something tells me you weren’t faking it, not all the time. Not when it mattered,” his words carried certain weight, like he not only remembered, but, miraculously, experienced everything that happened. “So, did you like him?” Yes. Easy. “Do you like me?” Ooh, a little tougher. He did look exactly the same. (Duh.) Yet, there was something that made him feel more aware, more awake. More... here.

“If you remember everything, like you said, then you should know the answer to the first question.” I loved him.

“I do,” Taehyung said, turning completely serious for a moment, and you were thankful that he didn’t take your feelings lightly. “That’s why I-,” the boy cut himself short and bashfully shook his head. Cute. “Sorry, nevermind. It’s cheesy and a little too far.”

“No, tell me,” you tugged at his hand, consequently realizing that it was still holding yours. The comfortable nature of it didn’t surprise you. “I’ll be the judge.”

"I think he left something with me, and,” Taehyung’s free hand landed on his chest, near his heart, emphasizing where the change happened. “Who knows, maybe we will prove that eternal soulmates exist too," the boy was beaming, so proud of his charming line, and you didn’t make him wait too long for a reaction. Your cheeks got much warmer, and you lowered your gaze, trying to hide a shy smile that threatened to hurt your jaw with how wide it was.

“You were right. It is cheesy. But, maybe, not too far fetched.”

You cried yourself to sleep that night, realizing that, in some strange and gut wrenching way, you lost someone you loved. Forever. That bright and ridiculously romantic Taehyung from 1960s was gone. But you smiled before finally dozing off, thinking that you gained someone who could make you heart flutter just the same. Perhaps, equally bright and romantic. You just needed to give it a little time.

You fell in love with Taehyung once. You could do it again. Namjoon still had to prove it, but his soul belonged with yours, and...

He promised to love you forever, after all.

["thank you for stopping me, when i- uh, when i wanted to take things a little too far."

"um, yeah, no problem. though, i must admit, it wasn't too easy."

"how so? was i- was i pushing you too much?"

"no! no. it's just that- sometimes, you and... what you did... made me forget about, well, everything."

"oh? ... OH! i see..."]

a/n: thanks for reading! i really hope you enjoyed! for more of my stories go for masterlist here and here. feedback, as always, is needed and will be very much appreciated.

if you like my stories, you can support me here: buy me a coffee ✨☕️

#bts #bangtan #kim taehyung #reincarnation au #soulmate au #fluff #angst #fanfic #scenario #scenarios #story #oneshot #long #sfw #soft #my post #armyart #bts v fluff #bts v angst #writing

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ericleo108 · 4 years

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Video Journal 02/13/20 - Published 108

Hey, welcome to the Journal for Thursday, February 13th, 2020 “Published 108.”

youtube

My name is Eric Leo, I’m a sociologist, social psychologist, philosopher, author, and hip-hop artist and this is my journal where I talk about myself and my philosophy!

108 Book

I published my book. I have received copies and everything looks good. You can buy “108 The Story of Discovering Earth’s Consciousness” online through my publisher at Author House. Thank you for your support. I wish I had money to invest in promoting it but I don’t. I’m going to try and send some copies to select people and promote it to other blogs.

Moving, Diet, and Exercise

I moved into my own apartment at the beginning of January. I am much happier. My mother helped me get settled, afford basic necessities, and some work out equipment. She bought me a Bowflex 5.1 work-out bench and 552 series select-tech dumbbells. I work out 4-5 days per week.

On February 12th I weighed 242.4 pounds, so I’ve lost about 8 pounds since December 30th, 2019 when I weighed 250 pounds. I’ve lost less weight than I expected but I’ve been working out so I’ve probably been gaining muscle and muscle weighs more than fat. I just started taking measurements of my chest, stomach, and butt to make sure I’m making progress. I know I’ve been making progress because my pants fit better.

I started biking on my budget Peloton. I started out at 10 minutes per day and it was hard. I increased it by 5 minutes every week. Now I’m up to 30 minutes on the bike on days I work out. I put on a playlist of the late shows from the previous night and watch them while I ride. I have a pretty good system down. It keeps me motivated and gives me structure but is also why I don’t work out on Sundays and Mondays because there was no late show the previous night. I’ve been drinking my GFuel every morning as a pre-workout.

After I get done with the bike I do a muscle group of weight lifting like chest, back, shoulders, legs, or arms. I’ve been keeping myself sore. I had an issue with my right arm feeling pain but I stretched my peck and got a check-up at physical therapy and all has been well. All systems are a go.

I used to exercise like crazy in high school and college and was, what most would consider, ripped. I still have a lot of the muscle underneath all my fat and I plan to get back to being ripped. I hope to get a chin-up bar and gravity boots to do pull-ups and inverted sit-ups after I get below 200 lbs… like I also used to do back in the day.

I’m on Atkins or a ketogenic diet, it has been a lot better for my acid reflux. I keep a calorie deficit on my diet while staying in ketosis. I’ll cheat with carbs every other weekend. I try not to cheat on calories. I don’t count calories like I used too back in 2017 although I guestimate often. I probably get around 1000-1500 calories per day, burn 3-500 calories working out with 50-60 grams of protein, which I understand is less protein than recommended. My biggest concern is getting enough protein for my workouts and to maintain muscle mass as I lose weight. I stay in ketosis so my body burns fat and not muscle. I do intermittent-fasting and only eat between 1 and 9 pm, usually. I eat a lot of nuts, cheese, pickles, greens, carrots, protein powder, eggs, chicken, and diet pop.

Stem Cells

I recently saw Joe Rogan’s podcast #1066 about stem cells. I didn’t know it could be used to cure autoimmune diseases. I also didn’t know it could be used to regrow tissue like in tendons.

I personally got excited when I heard about the capabilities of stem cells. In 2010 I had a scope on my knee for a multi-lateral meniscus tear. It hurts most days by the end of the day. So I looked into getting an injection of my stem cells to regrow my meniscus and it’s not covered by medicare because it’s not yet approved by the FDA. I can’t afford the 5-7 thousand dollars it would cost to get the procedure. I’m disappointed in America but hope it will be approved and available within the next couple of years.

Living On Disability

I look forward to having a conversation with the nurses that work at St. Joseph Community Mental Health when I get my shot each month. I still don’t have Hulu, I can’t afford it yet. I plan on canceling my audible subscription this month to save some money. They’ll pull me back in eventually with another free trial like they always do.

My credit score dropped 12 points from 807 to 795 since December 20th, 2019 because I have a couple of hundred dollars on my credit card after buying that GFuel, audio interface, and moving expenses. Like I explored in the last journal when you only live on several hundred dollars a month and can’t make much extra money it’s hard to afford much. I have been utilizing the local food bank to save money on groceries. I’m on a spending freeze until I get it paid off. I’m focused on paying off the balance. This means spending little to no money on gas. I really want my credit score above 800 again.

I can’t smoke weed in my apartment without being evicted so I’ve basically quit after years of daily smoking. I only smoke with friends away from my apartment now; usually about every other weekend. Apparently, I can have a cat if I want one though.

Make America Think Harder

I want to vote for Bernie Sanders as long as he wins the primary and it seems like he will. My second choice is tied for Yang or Warren but I would be happy with Buttigieg. I’m not a fan of Trump, although I respect the president, I will be voting for whatever Democrat wins the primary. Besides being with Emma Watson, there’s nothing I want more than Bernie to win the primary and election.

It’s worth mentioning I support term limits for congress and the supreme court. They should have to live with the laws they enact in the private and public sectors whichever they choose to pursue after their term. I also think they should be paid retirement wages from social security and have the same healthcare from social security just like everybody else. If they want to improve their standing while in office, they have to do it for everybody.

The last journal I said I wanted to be a professor. I am also thinking about being a real estate broker or agent, get my real estate license, and also build wealth through real estate investing. It will probably take me a year or two for me to get where I want to be health-wise and solidify what I want to do. Both being a professor or real estate guru has been an appealing career for me for a while. I would be happy with either or both and could still pursue being an author and hip-hop artist.

In Conclusion

Check out the Treatise and Journal Description List

Thank you for being here Thank you for watching, Thank you for being a part of my family You're awesome! I love you very much

#Published 108 #book #published #stem cell therapy #BowFlex #Bernie Sanders #exercise #keto #ketogenic diet #atkins #losing weight

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paperficwriter · 5 years

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Friendly Competition

This is a fic I wrote for @linesporadic, who requested a crossover between the two best animes of our time Mob Psycho 100 and One Punch Man. What results is this AU of rival espers, trying to be the best in Seasoning City! Well...sort of. One of them just has a very enthusiastic ‘assistant’...

Cut is for length, not for content!

Reigen and Saitama had never met, but they were at least aware of one another. After all, two renowned espers in the same city - even one as large as the Greater Seasoning Metropolitan, where Saitama lived in the east and Reigen in the west - meant that there was some overlap from time to time.

Especially when it came to rates.

“I’m not sure,” one woman said to Reigen as she looked over his menu of specials, like it was a variety of noodle dishes and not a guarantee of freedom from supernatural entities. “If I go across town, I know that the other office will give me a lower cost, since this is just affecting my apartment and not a whole building…”

Reigen’s jaw twitched, but he refused to let it affect his winning smile. “We have a money-back guarantee if you are at all dissatisfied with our service, ma’am. Would you like to see my ledger of refunds?” She nodded, and Reigen made a show of opening his desk and pulling out a blank piece of paper. “This is to show you how confident I am that we can handle your specific needs. Please, leave it to me.”

And Mob, he didn’t add, glancing at the boy sitting at the small desk by the door. His school was on break, and yet he was still wearing his uniform, sipping a mini glass bottle of milk. “I do not own any more professional clothes,” he had solemnly explained, and Reigen promised before he went back that they would go clothes shopping as a bonus for his hard work during what should have been his free time.

When she still looked uncertain, Reigen reached over the desk to touch her hand. Sometimes clients needed that little extra charm to seal the deal (something that he had heard rumors was not the strong suit of Saitama, who possessed a tendency to come off awkward and distant despite his good results). The client blushed and bowed in her chair, cheeks red. “Of course! You’re right, let me just get my credit card.” As she dug around in her purse, she glanced up, batting her eyelashes at Reigen. “Does your office have any policy on what you do in your off hours, Reigen-san?”

Without even breaking stride, Reigen pulled out a contract and pushed it across the desk with a pen. “Off hours?! I don’t even know the meaning of the thing! If you could just sign here, here and…”

---

“Sensei! I have the tea, and I picked up some of the onigiri from the corner shop! I also replenished your supply of soap and toilet paper and paper towels, since I noticed that you were running low! I hope you do not mind!”

Saitama jumped at the sudden reappearance of his new ‘assistant,’ who came in the door and was juggling several bags while taking off his shoes. It would be a lie to say he wasn’t a little grateful, given that his ‘office’ was an extra room on his apartment, and the lack of those things was not simply a problem for his business but for his personal life as well.

At least he had an assistant to do these tasks for him...of course, he hadn’t planned on having an assistant at all...or a business (which seemed to come with the assistant), for that matter.

Although Genos wouldn’t call himself an assistant..or an employee...no, he called himself his disciple.

“Oh, thanks, Genos.” He smirked as he took the tea and the bag with the snacks. “If I knew you were going to the shop, I would have given you a list…”

“I can go back out!” The exuberant young man’s dark eyes were wide with enthusiasm. His knuckles popped as he made fists, and his dark shaggy hair fell in his face. He should tell the kid to get a haircut. Wait, second thought, if anything happened and he went bald like him, Saitama would never forgive himself. “Tell me what you need, Sensei!”

Sensei. He sighed. “I need you to stop calling me ‘Sensei.’ Especially around clients. But here, you can just...put these away, okay?” He gestured at the bags he was still holding, dutifully, like he would have held them forever if he asked (or even if he didn’t ask, frankly).

“Yes!” Genos ran off towards the bathroom, leaving Saitama a moment to sit at his desk and get a reprieve.

Saitama watched him go, taking the opportunity to slide the crossword puzzle that had been occupying his attention under the stack of bills he actually should have been paying attention to. He couldn’t exactly turn him away at this point, knowing what he did about his circumstances. If he had just been some teenager, sure, but Genos was nineteen, out of school, and he didn’t ask to be paid at all. If anything, he had given him a stack of money for rent…

Yeah, most assistants don’t really move in, do they?

When he first arrived just a few weeks before, Genos made Saitama listen to his tragic backstory, all about how he had lost his parents in a mysterious fire that claimed their apartment building several years before. Evidently there was also an evil spirit involved? And some doctor who thought that the evil spirit was perhaps hosting some serial arsonist’s soul? And Genos had been living wih this doctor before Saitama, learning about and enhancing his psychic abilities? Genos had talked about this a lot...even when Saitama didn’t ask.

When Genos returned, he was holding a stack of envelopes, which he gave respectfully with both hands. “Sensei! The mail is here as well!”

Saitama thanked him, not nearly as enthusiastic since usually all he got was bills and ads (and most of the time it wasn’t for his favorite stores anyway). He picked through them until he got to one envelope that was handwritten. “Ah? What’s this…” Tearing it open, he unfolded the paper inside.

It was...well, the best way to describe it was a screed of angry letters and scratched marks. Whoever had written it was in quite a mood… so angry that there were some parts Saitama couldn’t even read, but he got the gist.

Fraud. Asshole. Loser. Give up.

Saitama jumped when Genos appeared at his shoulder. “Sensei, please allow me to pay a visit to the hurtful individual who sent you this and explain the error of their ways.”

“Don’t worry about it, Genos,” he said, waving him off. He did turn the letter over, and there was something else: a little note about how he would never be as successful as Reigen Arataka, and how anyone would be a fool to go to him when the best spiritual master in the world was right here in the city. “Ah, looks like he’s a fan of that Spirits and Stuff guy…”

“He is wrong, Sensei!” Genos sat down beside him on his knees, so intense that Saitama could swear he could feel the anxiety vibrating around him, bright lines visible in his aura.

“Genos, please stand up, we’ve talked about this…”

“The person in that letter has no idea how amazing you are! Reigen Arataka is not even half the esper that you are! The fact that he even holds himself in comparison with you is...absurd! Has he ever said anything about this to you?”

“No...ah, wait.” Saitama tapped his chin. “Come to think of it, we did run into each other at the supermarket one time. He was ahead of me in the line to choose watermelons, and he got the last one, and he said...something, I don’t remember. ‘Tough beans’? ‘Get here sooner next time’? I don’t recall exactly…hey, what’s that look?”

“He will pay for thinking that he is better than you, Sensei! I will not let this slight go unpunished!” Before he could stop him, Genos was stomping to the door, putting his shoes back on and running out.

“Hey! Genos! Pick up some soy sauce and eggs while you’re -- damn, he’s gone…” Well, that was all right. It would give Saitama a chance to play with the video game console he “borrowed” from his friend King. After all, it wasn’t like he was in a rush for more work.

---

Mob was finishing up lunch when he heard a knock at the door. Actually, it was harder than a knock...more like a pounding. “Better leave it, Shigeo,” Dimple mentioned, the spirit floating close like a green balloon. “It’s probably Reigen’s landlord.”

Reigen had gone out to handle the spirit that the woman wanted exorcised, leaving them alone. “I don’t know...the last time we left someone outside, they were here when he got home and it was even worse. Shishou was really mad…”

Mob stood up and opened the door, blinking up at a man who seemed younger than Reigen, with dark hair and severe eyes. He didn’t look like one of Reigen’s usual clients. No, he was unique, with his torn sleeves and jeans, the set line of his mouth. “My name is Genos. I am here for Reigen Arataka. He needs to be punished.”

“Oh,” Dimple said quietly, drifting off to the desk, “it’s that kind of caller, eh…you shouldn’t let him linger, Shigeo.”

Mob didn’t know what he meant, and he bowed at the stranger. “I’m sorry, Reigen-shishou is not here at the moment. He’s out on a job, but he should be returning shortly. Would you like some tea while you wait?”

“...very well.” Genos stepped inside and took off his shoes. For someone who was here to “punish” Reigen, he certainly seemed mild-mannered enough. He even sat down at the desk and folded his arms in front of him. Mob would have thought he would at least knock over the stack of papers in front of him… “Are you this fool’s disciple?”

Mob blushed a little at that. “Well, I work for him…”

“You should work for someone who does not lie and say he is the world's greatest psychic. Saitama is much more powerful.” Gens accepted the tea from Mob regardless. “Thank you.”

As he went to unplug the electric kettle, Mob struck his palm with his fist. “Oh, Saitama! I’ve heard of him. He lives in the city, doesn’t he? Is that who you work for?”

“I would never allow money to pass from Sensei's hand to mine. Also, do not get any ideas. I am Sensei’s disciple.”

“Of course not!” Mob pulled his chair over and sat down. “Is he kind? He looks nice in the pictures I’ve seen of him online.”

(Sensei certainly didn’t think so, Genos thought to himself as he sipped the tea. All he could talk about was the glaring sunspot that caught his head in every shot…still, he was glad at least someone in this office was mindful of Saitama’s prowess.)

“He is very respectful,” Genos said, “and quite humble, which is more than it seems can be said of this man.” He gestured flippantly at the picture on the wall.

“That’s true enough,” Dimple mumbled.

“Shishou isn’t humble, no, but he is a good man. He has done a lot to help me over the years with my own powers.”

Although Mob ignored Dimple - he had gotten used to doing so, since the clients could not see him - Genos glanced around when he spoke. “I sense something here…”

Mob was about to respond when Reigen came through the door.

---

By the time Reigen returned to the office, he was a wreck of sweat and grime collecting in his dress shirt. The “evil spirit” that had been shrieking in the night had been nothing more than a loose gasket on a hot water heater. Good thing he kept a few spare tools in his briefcase after the last home visit with the ‘water spirit that was actually a leaky toilet.’

When he opened the door to find the young man sitting beside Mob, it didn’t take more than a glance to know that he was angry about something. Judging from how that expression spiked when Reigen entered - hands around the tea cup he held tightening, jaw clenching, brows narrowing even more than they already were - that something quickly narrowed down to ‘him.’

Why?

Refusing to look ruffled, he closed his eyes, took a breath and said, “I had a feeling you’d be here. You’re still so troubled.”

“Shishou! Welcome back! This is Genos. He’s here to speak with you about Saitama-san.” Mob rose and returned to the kettle to prepare tea for him as well.

Mob...you couldn’t have done better if I had asked you to!

“Yes. Genos. I sensed the weight on your shoulders.”

Genos pressed his lips together tightly. “Do not pretend you know my tragic story. I can see right through you, Reigen Arataka.”

A tragic story. Okay. He could work with that. He smiled and gestured in the air with his hand before smoothing his hair back, touching Genos’s shoulder as he walked behind his desk. Wow, he actually was super tense… “You carry so much with you, Genos. I only want to help you. Has Saitama been unable to ease the burden you’ve had with you since that day?”

Was it too melodramatic? That line had backfired on him before…

Genos jumped to his feet, hands slapping the wooden desktop. “Do you know something about the spirit that started the fire?!”

Phew. Reigen reached out and rubbed his arms, eyes sharp and focused. “I know that it’s still with you. It’s trying to wear you down. It’s still trying to burn you down, Genos.” He turned and snapped his fingers. “Mob! We need the exorcism oils!”

“Yes, sir!” That had taken a while to bring Mob on board with (“I never use salt or oil, Shishou…”) but after watching the happy satisfaction of Reigen’s clients - most of whom were regulars - he no longer hesitated in helping.

Genos seemed to go along with it, and in only a short time, he was sitting across from him, noticeably less tense. The scent of lavender wafted in the air, and it had given Reigen a chance to change out of his nasty shirt. Win, win, win. Genos rolled his shoulders. “Well, I do feel more relaxed --”

“Consider it on the house!”

“--but this skill does not make you stronger than Saitama-sensei!” His loyalty restored, he straightened in the chair, resolute. “It is still shameful that you call yourself the most powerful psychic in the world!”

Reigen took a breath, swallowed down his pride (and defenses) and said gently, “Genos. If you set out to do something, and you are met only with success time and time again, what should you do? Reject your blessings?”

The young man stared at him, gaze only just wavering.

“And if you see someone else, who is not as successful as you, is it fair to say that they are better, just because they try to be? That’s not realistic.”

“But you still are not the best in the world! And Saitama is strong!”

“I’m sure he is, but...I am the best in my world. I can’t deny that.”

Dimple had been mostly ignoring the conversation, but now he returned to Reigen’s shoulder. “Don’t talk this boy in circles so he doesn’t realize you’re a fraud.”

Reigen twitched.

“You’re just trying to question him over and over until he leaves, and when he figures it out, you won’t have to deal with it. That isn’t even clever.”

“Quiet, you!” Admittedly, Reigen had not gotten as good as Mob in ignoring Dimple, especially when he was undermining him.

“Do you feel that spirit as well?!” Genos was on his feet again, pulling out an assortment of charms and trinkets from his pockets, scattering them on the table. He drew a circle (“Hey! Don’t chalk on my desk! That’s mahogany!”) and then chanted.

Dimple made a face, and Reigen peered up at him. Is it working?

The small green spirit scratched his head. “He’s making me all itchy, but does he really think those things work on something as powerful as me? Poor kid. I almost feel sorry for him.” Reigen let Genos continue trying, until he finally slumped down in defeat. “If only Sensei were here...he would know what to do! He can banish any demon!”

“Does he use all this...stuff?” Reigen pinched a bit of salt in his finger. It was larger grain than what he used… Maybe he should get some...

“Well, it’s different! He has strength and power! He creates energy directly from his fist and blows them away!”

Reigen smiled. Jackpot. “I don't need anything quite that intense. Behold!” he suddenly roared. “Ultimate Spirit Cast-off!”

(This was actually a technique that Reigen normally just yelled at Dimple, waving his hands to annoy and shoo him off when he was being particularly distracting.)

“Stop that!” Dimple glowered. “I'm more powerful than you will ever be! I won't be--”

“Shoo! Shoo! Scat!”

“Fine! I didn’t want to be here anyway! I can see you crash and burn any day!” With a red-faced huff, he disappeared through the wall and floated toward Mob’s home.

Genos blinked...and then immediately began to clap. “Reigen-san, I have been wrong about you! You exorced a particularly powerful spirit without the use of any supernatural tools!”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Reigen said, sighing in relief and straightening his tie.

“I am certain now that you would perhaps be a formidable opponent for Sensei in a battle of auras!”

A small shiver of discomfort passed through Reigen, although his face did not change. What the hell was a battle of auras?! “I would be happy to face him! Time permitting, of course...surely you can see why I am such a busy man.”

Genos nodded and bowed, first at him and then at Mob. “I thank you both for your time and hospitality. I apologize for taking your time, but please do rest assured that I am convinced that you are quite adept at the psychic arts.”

As he departed, Reigen sat down with a heavy sigh. “Shishou...shouldn’t we have just explained that Dimple was a spirit normally residing here? Did you have to kick him out?”

“Isn’t that what we are always doing, Mob? Kicking spirits out? Dimple may be one we know, but he is still a powerful entity. My tactics remain the same.”

Mob considered this, then smiled. “You are very right and wise, Shishou!”

“Yes, Mob, I know. Now, let’s take a break and see about those clothes I promised you!”

“Yes, sir!”

...an outing that certainly did not have anything to do with the possibility that Saitama might come take him up on his challenge...

#my paperfics #one punch man #mob psycho 100 #arataka reigen #mob #ekubo #saitama #genos

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