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youremyheaven · 3 months

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Outcaste Nakshatras: The Outsiders (part 3)

Here's part 1 and part 2

The more I study Mleccha nakshatra natives and the art they make, the more I understand how deeply lonely it is to have a Mleccha nak (Bharani, Ashlesha, Vishaka, Shravana) and I really feel for them. To live your whole life feeling misunderstood and othered is so difficult.

The movie Edward Scissorhands is a really good example of the "outcast" trope. The titular character is played by Johnny Depp who has Ashlesha Rising and his love interest is played by Winona Ryder who has Mercury (amatyakaraka) & Venus (atmakaraka) in Vishaka

I find Outcaste nak pairing very interesting because obviously you only feel like you belong/truly feel accepted in the presence of another Outcast.

Sidharth Malhotra, Vishaka Moon is married to Kiara Advani, who has Mercury & Venus (atmakaraka) in Ashlesha (if you have 2 or more planets in the same nak that energy is very concentrated even if its not your big 3)

they're both known for being pretty low-key people which is unusual in Bollywood lmao

Sid is an "outsider" which is what we call non-nepo actors in India. imagine the extent of nepotism in cinema in India that its the exception to be an "outsider"lmao. anyway Sid is pretty reserved and introverted and is known for not fitting in with the Bollywood crowd. Kiara is also kinda like that I guess but idk too much about her personality. They both seem happy together tho

Kareena Kapoor, Shravana Moon is married to Saif Ali Khan, Ashlesha Sun & Shravana Moon

Kareena's parents are famous actors who are separated (her dad was misogynistic and abusive and didn't want women to act) and even tho she's a nepo baby she didn't grow up with the same privileges as others in her famous family. Her elder sister had to drop out of school to support the family by acting as they were raised by a single mom and had fallen on bad times. You can see how the "outcast" themes were present in Kareena's life even though she's a very privileged nepo baby

Saif is also a nepo baby (welcome to bollywood lol) but he married a much older actress when he was 21 and had two kids. they later got divorced and Saif received a ton of bad press for alleged adultery, not getting custody or visitation rights of the kids, not paying child support (the amount was absurdly high tbh) etc he didn't fit in with the other actors of his generation. The media & public went crazy when news of Saif & Kareena getting married came out bc Saif is a divorcee with 2 kids (this stuff is still taboo in India unfortunately) and Kareena is one of the most successful stars of her generation. But they've been married for 10+ yrs and have 2 kids and are as happy as ever.

Even Kareena's longterm ex-boyfriend, Shahid Kapoor was a Mleccha caste nak guy (he has Vishaka Moon)

Expanding on the outcast tropes, Shahid's parents separated when he was young and he saw little of his biological father. He had to work very hard for very long to break into the industry and even now, he's not really given his due as an actor.

Alia Bhatt, Shravana Rising is married to Ranbir Kapoor, Shravana Moon

their marriage seems hella toxic to me ngl BUT they've both had similar childhoods.

Alia & Ranbir are both nepo babies (welcome to bollywood), Alia is like a tier 3 nepo (her father is a notoriously controversial filmmaker) whilst Ranbir is like a tier 1 nepo (he is a 4th generation actor from the biggest film family in India) however both their parents had unhappy marriages, and both of them had abusive fathers. trauma bonding, mayhaps? they're both also extremely close to their mothers as well (Moon dominant people often tend to be)

Its another example of Outcaste naks bonding over their shared experiences/feelings of being the outcast.

all members of Blackpink have an Outcaste nakshatra in their chart that is prominent in some way.

Jisoo- Shravana Moon, Venus in Vishaka (darakaraka), Ketu in Bharani

Rose- Venus conjunct Jupiter (debilitated) in Shravana

Jennie- Vishaka Moon, Mars in Shravana

Lisa- Jupiter in Shravana (debilitated), Swati Moon (Swati is a Shudra nak, which is the lowest caste so the themes are similar to that of outcaste naks)

This is interesting to me because BP is the biggest girl group of all time yet they are also probably disproportionately hated for things they cant even control. they were mismanaged by a shitty ass company with very few comebacks and barely got to display their true calibre as artists and their media interactions, promos, other activities etc were severely controlled and restricted. all of this is to say that despite being the most successful group their actual experiences are far from sunshine and roses. they were treated like outcasts by their company and the industry and fans. they trained for 4-6 years, enduring a brutal and toxic system, worked very hard with what they were given, with 0 creative liberty to come this far im glad theyre pursuing solo careers now and hope to see them thrive<333

the movie Lost in Translation is a good example of two outcasts/lonely people who find comfort in each other

Bill Murray is Shravana Moon and Scarlett Johansson is Vishaka Moon

Sridevi, Ashlesha Sun & Rising and Boney Kapoor, Vishaka Sun & Mercury

So they had a really fcked up marriage that I won't get into but they were both people who felt like outcasts in their lives. Sridevi grew up with a stepfather and was pushed into acting by her mother when she was 3-4 years old (she's like an Indian Judy Garland tbh) who deprived her of formal education and a normal life so that she'd be the family cash cow. Being South Indian, she also found it hard to fit in among Bollywood folks as she initially spoke neither Hindi nor English. Boney's the ugly duckling of his family and his younger brother is one of the most famous/iconic actors ever, he had to become a movie producer since his brothers became actors and his father (who was a movie producer) thought it would be better if he stayed behind the scenes. themes of exclusion and outcast-ness crop up in their lives and in the lives of all the people I mention here.

Lady Bird is a good example of a movie about a female teenage outcast. The titular character is played by Saoirse Ronan, who has Bharani Moon

Recently I came across the content creator, Alana Lintao who often makes shorts about social behaviour. This one in particular stood out to me because its literally about one person being excluded by a group of friends or being treated like "the other".

Alana plays the excluded friend in this short as well. She has Bharani Sun, Swati Moon and Mercury in Revati amatyakaraka (Swati & Revati are both Shudra naks)

Outcaste naks are vilified and crucified for mistakes others get away with.

Janet Jackson, Vishaka Rising & Ketu

Janet's career took a hit and her life took a tumultuous turn after the Superbowl incident. She did not deserve all the vitriol she received then especially considering how so many others get away with wayyy worse

Jennie, Vishaka Moon gets hated on for absolutely nothing

Lana Del Rey, Ashlesha Moon, Vishaka Rising (&stellium)

Lana does say dumb things from time to time but she gets soooo much unnecessary hate

I have noticed how Outcaste nakshatras often tend to have really difficult childhood experiences

Jeanette McCurdy- Ardra sun, Bharani Moon & Pushya Rising

Jeanette opens up about her abusive mother and terrible childhood in her memoir. I mention her other placements as well because I've noticed that both Ardra & Pushya natives also experience abuse in their early lives

Britney Spears, Shravana Moon

she has endured so much abuse from so many people including her family. i wish her peace.

Wheein, Vishaka Moon grew up with a single mother and later after she made her debut her estranged father tried to borrow money from people under her name?? there was a minor scandal about it many years ago. She also grew up quite lower middle class if not poor.

David Bowie, Shravana Rising

Bowie once said, "“It wasn’t a particularly happy childhood, my parents were cold emotionally. There weren’t many hugs. I always craved affection because of that.”

Cole & Dylan Sprouse, Ashlesha Sun

Speaking on the Call Her Daddy podcast, he explained that their mother's issues with mental health and addiction contributed to her being "financially the most irresponsible woman ever." He said that when their dad was given forced custody when the boys were 10, their mom had already spent everything they'd earned from their early acting jobs. Though their dad wanted them to be "normal kids," he ultimately decided that the boys' acting careers were a financial necessity.

Ariel Winter, Shravana Sun

Ariel Winter has spoken out about how acting wasn't her choice, but it was her mother's. Ariel shared that her mother, Crystal Workman, had dreams of being an actor herself. Ariel said that with Crystal as her stage mom, she dealt with a lot of abuse and exploitation.

Once Ariel's acting career began, she said her mom put her on a strict diet and neglected her education. Her mother also had her dress in outfits that sexualized her. Ariel claimed her mom put her in “the smallest miniskirts, sailor suits, low-cut things, the shortest dresses you’ve ever seen. People thought I was 24 when I was 12. If there was going to be a nude scene when I was that age, my mother would have a thousand percent said yes.”

Now Bollywood is an industry run by film dynasties, its very rare for someone from the outside to break in and make it big. Being an "Outsider" is very difficult, people bully you, try to sabotage your career, try to isolate you etc etc, needless to say its not for the faint of heart. So lets take a look at some of the most successful "Outsiders" in Bollywood who made it big without any family in the business

ofc we have to start with the most successful outsider of all time, Shahrukh Khan, Shravana Moon

he truly came from nothing (father died when he was a teenager, mother died before he made his debut, has a sister with special needs who he has taken care of his entire life) and became the biggest star in the world.

Akshay Kumar, Vishaka Moon, he was a martial artist, chef, waiter and worked numerous odd jobs before he started modelling in his late 20s and later started acting and today he has a net worth of $340 million

Anushka Sharma, Bharani Sun

her life is truly a case of being lucky af, she was a model and by the age of 19-20 she was cast in a film opposite Shahrukh Khan aka the biggest actor in the country produced by YRF, one of the biggest film production companies in India. its truly a fairy tale because neither can Anushka act nor is she gifted in any other way (bad dancer, heck she was even an awful model) but she's incredibly successful in every way and is now married to the (former) Captain of the Indian cricket team

Deepika Padukone, Shravana Rising

she is from a privileged background (her dad's a renowned badminton player) but she worked very very hard to get where she is today and has had more career longevity than just about any other actress.

Bipasha Basu & John Abraham, Bharani Moon

they were both a hot couple who were really popular in the 2000s

there are many other successful Outsiders but they don't have outcaste naks lol, these are the only ones i can think of rn :/

i hope this post was informative<33

#astrology notes #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #vedic astro notes #nakshatras #astro notes #vedic astrology #astrology #astroblr #astro observations #jyotish #shravana #bharani #vishaka #ashlesha

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jasonswh0rre · 3 months

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The Psychological Analysis of Jason Todd

I am a psych major, and my professor is allowing us to make an analysis of any character of our choice, so I figured who better to write then Jason Todd. This was very fun to write and I very much enjoyed rewatching Batman: Arkham Knight. Please enjoy. ☁️ Warning(s): Trigger Warning for Trauma, Mental Health Content, Violence, Graphic Imagery, Spoiler(s)☁️ Word Count: 2.6k ☁️: Authors Note: I am working on fanfics, more headcanons for Arkham Jason, unfortunately I am busy with classes, assignments and deadlines. I will try to be punctual but it may take time. Thank you for your understanding.

Introduction

Jason Todd is the secondary villain in Batman: Arkham Knight, which has the same moniker. He is the second Robin and Bruce Wayne's adoptive son.

Jason Peter Todd was born in the slums of Gotham City to two drug-addicted parents, who would eventually try to settle a debt they had by giving Jason away when he was a baby. Jason received no parental figure to help guide him, leading him to petty crimes such as theft to nourish his survival. Jason is a character who takes what he needs if it means prolonging his survival; his lack of a parental figure leads him to an identity crisis between longing for a parental figure and convincing himself he is better off without one. When the simple truth is that every human needs a mother and a father, we respond positively to a nurturing environment, and through early adolescence, our brains crave the structure needed to build us into well-rounded adults.

At fifteen, Jason inadvertently met Batman while committing robbery when Batman was fighting Gotham's notorious supervillain, The Joker. Believing Batman is in trouble, Jason jumps between pushing the hero from harm's way. Despite life's misfortunes, Jason possesses a remarkable code of morality enough to want to save someone. Jason, attempting to rid Joker of his breath, aims a pistol at the clown and, before firing, is knocked out of his hands by Batman's batarang. Unfortunately for him, Joker would leave Jason with a cryptic message, one for the young man to head.

Jason would later be apprehended and taken into custody in the back of a police car by Batman after Batman retrieved his gun and stolen money. However, rather than being charged, Jason receives a blessing through a Wayne Industries project that helped troubled teens; through the program, Jason was able to turn his life around. All attract the man who helped Jason find a new purpose: Bruce Wayne. Months after being released, Batman appeared in Jason's dorm, again offering Jason another opportunity.

2nd Robin and Kidnapping

Taking Jason in as his ward as well as dubbing him Robin after Dick Grayson, Jason sought justice and enjoyed being a hero. Like the previous Robin, he showed a keen aptitude for it; unlike his predecessor, he possessed a fiery temper and willingness for more lethal force. While Jason's temper is directed towards the criminals that harm the innocents, Batman views this as inexcusable, fearing the day that Jason will kill instead of reprimanding.

In the most twisted sense of irony, Jason's morality inevitably becomes his downfall. The Joker has blown up a school with kindergarteners; this leads to Jason's resolve that Joker needs to die. Knowing that Bruce would try to stop him, Jason abandons his comms and tracker so he can kill Joker. However, it is a trap, and Joker ambushes Jason. Jason was kept in a wheelchair, bonded by barbed wire that kept Jason leaning hunched over in excruciating pain. Throughout his pain, Jason's mind remained still; he was confident that Batman would find him; his sheer will at the beginning of his torture is, with all honesty, remarkable as Joker has been known for his mental abuse and mind games he plays with his victims including his sidekick, Harley Quinn.

In the six months of his torture, Jason's unwavering mental resolve was slowly crippling as Joker had wanted; throughout the game, Jason's voice mixed with crippling fear and small doubts about Batman coming. The Joker feeds into his doubts by showing him a photo of Batman with his replacement, Tim Drake. This leaves Jason troubled as he slowly loses hope for Batman.

The last act of Jason's torture involved a video sent to Batman via The Joker of Jason, who has undergone all his brainwashing; in the video, Jason is sitting down in a chair; he is not chained, barbed, handcuffed, or kept sitting still in any way by all means Jason could easily walk away. This is a significant and crucial part of Jason's torture as it symbolizes just how much mental anguish and emotional exhaustion Jason went through to the point that he no longer had a yearning for freedom—making him downright timid and submissive towards Joker enough to out Batman's identity when asked by the latter. This results in Joker shooting Jason point-blank in the chest, as Joker "never could stand a tattletale." However, this was only a ploy to make Batman believe Jason is genuinely dead.

On the contrary, Jason was kept alive for another year, endeavoring more torture, mistreatment, and malnourishment. Harley Quinn did the final touches of Jason's emotional and mental brainwashing; a former psychiatrist who manipulated Jason into believing that Batman was the cause of his anguish and his pain was his doing; she did this long enough, even punishing Jason by waterboarding him and electrocuting him when he refused to say Batman, indicating he still had some level of awareness of who was torturing him.

However, once Harley could get Jason to say Batman's name, Jason was drugged and beaten by two prisoners dressed like Batman; he was given a gun by The Joker and was ordered to kill them. Jason's resolve and humanity were a cord, still entrenched in him before Harley convinced him further, snapping his humanity and getting him to shoot the two dressed-up prisoners dead.

During the riots of Arkham Asylum, The Joker paid mercenary Deathstroke to keep Jason there and shoot him if he escaped. However, Jason convinces Deathstroke that Joker will not keep his promise and that if he helps, Jason will triple whatever Joker plans to pay. Accepting the offer, Deathstroke assists Jason in escaping, stealing a helicopter, and flying to Wayne Industries. Jason steals millions of dollars from his former guardian. Ironically, crossing paths with Tim Drake, who assumes Todd to be Deathstroke's sidekick, when Jason's ankle is caught between Tim's grappling hook, Jason cuts the cord, allowing Tim to fall when suggested by Deathstroke that killing Robin would bode well for them with the Dark Knight. Jason Coldy says that if he dies in a fall like that, Batman needs to pick his sidekicks better.

Jason's psyche has been torn and scattered, leaving him a hollowed carving with a mocking J branding etched onto his face, from birth his eyes were already met with darkness, born to parents who never showed him recognition, let alone love, and through the Wayne Industries Project and his adoption by Bruce his eyes were wide, and remarkably hopeful, to be free of the weight of Gotham's misfortunes finally; those eyes that looked with gleam forced shut until he saw nothing but blackness.

Arkham Knight's Birth

Jason adopts a new persona built on the pain and suffering in the wake of his escape from Joker. He feels betrayed by the one person he only had in the world and wants vengeance. Jason works alongside Scarecrow, one of Batman's enemies. The two begin a plan on Halloween to take Gotham and Batman's legacy along with it. Jason gathers all Batman's enemies to join, assembling a militia with Deathstroke. While working with each other, Scarecrow "tests" his fear toxin on the young man, sending him on a psychological spiral. One of his more apparent fears is the Joker, who can be found near, in the background, or standing right in front of him laughing and mocking him, but beyond the clown prince of crime's appearance, Jason also sees his replacement, Tim Drake, and "fights" him.

The fight has Jason severely outnumbered in the beginning, with Tim succeeding, even using his staff to choke Jason, forcing him to the ground as the Jokers around him laugh. Further into the fear toxin, Jason appears in front of Wayne Manor, where he throws down his helmet and says the following: "Someplace warm, someplace safe, someplace where I'm needed, someplace where I'm loved," Joker once again appears in front of him laughing and mocking him on whether he even deserves it, this is Jason's internal struggle in a manifested form of the person who caused him harm, of the person who convinced him from the start that he was alone and would not be saved. Jason is mischaracterized as always being angry or standoffish, but anger has more truth than any lie detector can scoop. Jason feels this anger is not just because of some personality trait; anger is his cry out, and he's shouting to be seen and loved. This is most likely due to being tortured at 15 or so, which, despite the fact that at the time of Arkham Knight, he was in his early 20s, his mental age was regressed to the age when he was captured. This makes Jason appear at first glance as someone emotional, cocky, and arrogant. He values safety and love; he doesn't want to be on his guard 24/7, but he's grown up in an environment where letting your guard down gets you killed. He follows Joker into Wayne Manor, where he sees Bruce; suddenly, several versions of Batman appear in the room. They beat him and told him they never wanted a partner or even a son. This is a conflict that has always waged war in Jason's mind. Jason's biological father attempted to give him up and then belittled him when he explained that Jason's worth was so low that he couldn't even leave him; he has low self-esteem that he internalizes into rage in the way that he fights to prove his strength.

This is why Jason has a strong attachment to Bruce/Batman it maybe due to an underlying desire to seek his approval especially by the time when he adopts him. Bruce gives him everything he could ask for and anything he could think of, and Batman gives him a purpose. Ironically, this is still the case despite Bruce himself having an avoidant attachment style.

Conclusion and Diagnosis

Jason Todd's character in "Batman: Arkham Knight" exhibits a complex interplay of psychological factors that align with the diagnostic criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). One prominent feature of BPD is emotional dysregulation, characterized by intense and rapidly shifting emotions. Jason displays various emotions throughout the game, from anger and hostility to vulnerability and despair. His reactions often appear exaggerated or disproportionate to the situation, indicating difficulty regulating his emotional responses.

Furthermore, Jason's sense of identity is notably unstable, which is another hallmark feature of BPD. Having grown up in a dysfunctional environment with absent parents, Jason lacks a stable sense of self and struggles to define his identity. This is evident in his adoption of various personas, including Robin, the Arkham Knight, and, later, the Red Hood. His shifting identities reflect a profound inner conflict and a desperate search for validation and purpose. Jason's interpersonal relationships also reflect the interpersonal instability characteristic of BPD. He forms intense and unstable attachments to figures such as Batman, vacillating between admiration and resentment. His interactions with other characters are marked by rapid shifts in perception, alternating between idealization and devaluation. For example, while Jason initially idolizes Batman as a mentor and father figure, his feelings of betrayal and abandonment lead to resentment and hostility towards him.

Moreover, Jason exhibits self-destructive behaviors as a coping mechanism for his emotional pain, another hallmark of BPD. He engages in reckless actions, disregarding his safety to seek vengeance against those he perceives as enemies. His confrontations with adversaries are often fueled by a desire for self-assertion and control, masking more profound feelings of emptiness and despair.

Underlying Jason's behaviors is a pervasive fear of abandonment, stemming from his traumatic upbringing and experiences of betrayal. This fear drives his desperate attempts to maintain connections with others, even as he pushes them away with his volatile and unpredictable behavior. Jason's fear of abandonment manifests in his interactions with Batman and the Bat family, where he oscillates between seeking their approval and rejecting their authority.

Jason Todd's character in "Batman: Arkham Knight" embodies many of the core features of Borderline Personality Disorder, including emotional dysregulation, identity disturbance, interpersonal instability, self-destructive behaviors, and a fear of abandonment. By analyzing his actions, relationships, and psychological struggles within the context of the game's narrative, it becomes apparent that Jason's character aligns closely with the diagnostic criteria for BPD, providing a compelling framework for understanding his complex and multifaceted personality.

Besides indicating various symptoms of BPD, I would also consider diagnosing Jason with Complex Post post-traumatic stress Disorder (C-PTSD). Given Jason's background of severe trauma, including childhood abuse, neglect, and prolonged torture at the hands of the Joker, it's worth considering Complex PTSD. C-PTSD typically develops in response to chronic trauma and is characterized by symptoms such as emotional dysregulation, disturbed self-concept, difficulties in relationships, and a persistent sense of threat. I would include diagnosing Jason with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD): Jason's experiences of profound loss, trauma, and betrayal may contribute to symptoms of depression, such as feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and a loss of interest in activities. His struggles with emotional regulation and chronic feelings of emptiness could also align with depressive symptoms. Following my diagnosis, I am also inclined to believe he suffers from attachment disorders; given Jason's tumultuous upbringing and experiences and a multitude of parental figures involving neglect and abandonment, it's possible that he may have developed attachment-related difficulties. This could manifest in insecure attachment styles, fear of abandonment, and challenges in forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

Furthermore, I would consider Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD): While Jason displays empathy and compassion at times, his willingness to engage in morally questionable or violent behavior, as well as his disregard for societal norms and rules, may align with some features of ASPD. However, his capacity for genuine care and loyalty makes this disorder out of sorts with his character.

Lastly, Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder (PTED): PTED is a proposed diagnostic category characterized by intense feelings of injustice, betrayal, and embitterment following a traumatic event or series of events. Jason's experiences of betrayal and abandonment, particularly by Batman and the Joker, may resonate with the symptoms of PTED.

In conclusion, the character of Jason Todd in "Batman: Arkham Knight" presents a compelling portrayal of psychological complexity shaped by a tumultuous history of trauma, betrayal, and profound loss. Through a comprehensive analysis of his experiences and behaviors throughout the game, it becomes evident that Jason embodies many psychological struggles, warranting consideration for various diagnostic possibilities. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) emerges as a primary candidate, given Jason's emotional volatility, identity disturbances, and interpersonal difficulties. His tumultuous relationships, intense fear of abandonment, and self-destructive tendencies align closely with the diagnostic criteria for BPD. Furthermore, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) offers another lens through which to understand Jason's psychological profile, considering his history of chronic trauma and its pervasive impact on his functioning.

Additionally, Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) may contribute to Jason's experiences of profound despair, hopelessness, and emotional emptiness. His struggles with attachment-related difficulties suggest the possibility of underlying attachment disorders stemming from his early experiences of neglect and abandonment.

While Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder (PTED) offer alternative perspectives, they may not fully capture the complexity of Jason's character, given his capacity for empathy and genuine care, despite his propensity for morally questionable behavior.

In essence, Jason Todd's character in "Batman: Arkham Knight" is a poignant exploration of the human psyche's intricacies, illustrating the profound impact of trauma on identity, relationships, and emotional well-being. By delving into his psychological struggles within the context of the game's narrative, we gain valuable insights into the complexities of mental health and the enduring resilience of the human spirit.

#arkham knight #jason todd #red hood #headcanon #positive thoughts #psychology #psych student #arkham batman #psychological analysis #psyche student analyzes #jasonswh0rre

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ddollfface · 5 months

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God, I love golden retriever men so much.

*Intensely staring at my fav athlete*

Now, that I have a brainrot~

1. Our lovely Athlete with a nerd darling.

- This would be funny. It is giving black cat × golden retriever. So hard.

- Darling has anemia? She's used to sitting around and reading? Can't walk too long to save her life? He's fucking carrying her everywhere.

- Can you imagine darling bringing a book about his sport (I don't know if you've mentioned what he plays) to the game and reading as they watch him play cuz they don't know crap about sports? He'd be so, "But you're supposed to be watching me." :Insert puppy eyes:

- He's isolating darling? Eh, Darling needs a 4 hour nap after every social gathering anyway.

Ok but-

2. Him with a nerd darling who's a childhood best friend, where darling has a childhood filled with emotional and physical abuse. (I'm finna design a whole ass character to ship him with. If you don't mind, of course.)

- This.

- Don't let me get started on this.

- They would be so power couple coded fr. (Darling knows Athlete is trying to manipulate her. Doesn't care as long as she's getting taken care of.)

- Darling is snarky with a S.

- Darling: "The cheerleader was flirting with you."

Athlete: "I know. :3"

Darling: "Go marry her."

Athlete: "But you're the love of my life. :("

Darling: "Oh, really? I could've sworn it was Cindy instead. Go to her, shoo."

Athlete: "No."

Darling: "Who's bestie are you?"

Athlete: "Yours."

Darling: "Exactly."

- Don't let this fool you, tho. He's def the dominant one in the relationship.

Athlete: "You're my baby :D."

Darling: "Mhmm. Don't say that infront of anyone else."

Athlete: "Why not?"

Darling: "I'll bite your head off, that's why."

(spoiler, he says it in front of everyone and darling does nothing but get shy.)

Darling: "Why would you say that?"

Athlete: "Becuz you're my baby?"

Darling: *cuddles closer to him.* *Whispering* "I'm his baby."

- 💗 anon (if I may) (also, he's my baby now, thank you. I'm keeping him in my head and heart.) (It's so late at night. I just keep thinking about this 😭 and I can't put my thoughts into proper words rn, bear with me on this)

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈

𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗦𝗶𝗰𝗸!𝗔𝘁𝗵𝗹𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝘅 𝗮𝗳𝗮𝗯!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

Trigger Warnings; yandere behaviors, possessive behavior, talk about trauma bonding (both reader and yandere or mentally ill), yandere masking, bad writing, and me rambling (I'm so sorry 💗Nonny lol) If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡ I offically declare you 💗Nonny!! And I don't mind you coming up with your own interpertations of reader and LoveSick!Athlete! Just share 'em! Also, I may or may not have gone on a tiny, just tiny, tangent, so sorry 💗Nonny... Feel free to submit more asks if 'ya want

LoveSick!Athlete can really mold and mend well with most personalities and darlings, this is due to his manipulative personality. A little off-topic, but he really has a hard time understanding who he is because he's always pretending to be what others deem "acceptable". This causes him to have a multitude of identity crises, but when his darling, you, comes into the picture, it makes it easier for him to find himself. He feels like he's the real him whenever he's with you. You just feel so natural, he feels natural, too. It's just right.

And for that reason, I think LoveSick!Athlete would go really well with a childhood!reader, seeing as she's been with him since they were young. And, I'm not too sure if you've read my Yan!Alphabet for him, but I mention LoveSick!Athlete's childhood; let's just say it wasn't the best situation for a kid.

LoveSick!Athlete would feel a special bond with his darling now, seeing as they've been together threw thick and thin. He's trama bounded to you, and you to him. We'll run off the assumption that reader has also had a bad childhood, whether it be an absent parent, abusive sibling/family member/or parent, whatever it is allows you to feel a connection to LoveSick!Athlete, seeing as you have a mutual situation. You both have something to bond over, something that locks you together.

He has a bad home environment, you have a bad home environment. He doesn't feel at home, so you become his home, and he to you.

And I like to run on the assumption that reader is all talk, no bite. And if you've read any of my writing where the reader talks, you'll see that I prefer to write reader as more "real" (to me anyway) because I'm personally not the hugest fan of the "helpless" reader. I like to write a darling who has a mouth, someone who's bratty (but that's 'cause I'm a brat lol).

Anyway, I'm getting off-topic, back to LoveSick!Athlete.

To your idea about a snarky reader, I totally agree. Honestly, LoveSick!Athlete would eat that shit up, no joke. He would love it, as he enjoys the back-and-forth between you two. He loves to press your buttons, wanting to see what sarcastic reply you have ready for him.

The thing is, he knows your just talking shit, never willing to actually do anything. You just run your mouth, and he lets you, but whenever you step outta line, sometimes, he's gotta put you back. Though, you'll never think of it like that. No, no, he's too sweet for that. He's gotta keep that golden retriever vibe going, y'know?

He just swat you on the ass, telling you that you got such a dirty mouth, mamas? I thought you were my little princess, no? Girls with a face like yours shouldn't be speakin' that like-

He'll just move on, as if he didn't just grope your butt, nope, not at all. And you'll be standing there awestruck, face red, and biting your tongue as you try to not overheat in embarrassment!!

It never ceases to entertain him, watching your face widen with surprise whenever he refers to you as his girl, his cute little girlfriend. The way your face heats up when he wraps his strong arm around your waist, putting his cap on your head (a silent sign of possession over you, trying to get the guy in the back to keep his eyes to himself, but you don't need to know that ;)).

In your little monologue, you go over some cheerleader girl (named Cindy??). Though I would agree that chicks (and some dudes) practically flock around LoveSick!Athlete, I would say that he doesn't even pay them any mind, not even entertaining the thought. Don't get me wrong, he'll talk to them, but make it painstakingly clear that he's only got one girl on his mind, you.

Most of the time, the girl will just find it endearing, slapping his shoulder, and telling him that he'd make a great husband or some shit like that. Of course, the chicks joking, making some nice comments to leave the, now awkward, conversation, but LoveSick!Athlete will take it to heart. Now, he's imagining a pretty ring on your finger, something he paid for, he got you. Because he'd be such a good provider for you, don't you know?

Another thought, 'cause I'm on a role, but I'm not sure if I've directly said this or not, but LoveSick!Athlete is a hockey player. I've tried putting strickly hockey photos on all my posts (you should see my Pinterest feed, it's filled with hot guys lolol).

Hockey is an aggressive sport, I would know. I used to ice skate every day for an hour or two. And, trust me, I got to see a lot of hot guys, though I was always too nervous to say anything, that's beside the point.

I can imagine that reader would be the same, intimidated by these testastrone-filled, young men who just wanna get all sweaty and gross. And I prefer to think that reader also doesn't know how to skate, much to LoveSick!Athlete's enjoyment.

Just to torture you, he'll take you to his ice rink, partly wanting to show you off, and also wanting you to rely on him to move around. He won't even let you hold onto the side, nope, all you got is him, babes.

And anyone who's been to a rink before knows that if you're not on the wall, or smack in the middle of the rink, you're in traffic, especially if it's busy. And this means that you gotta go fast, keeping pace with everyone else. And there's always a handful of assholes (usually hockey players) who will purposefully do a hockey stop, flinging a shit tone of ice at newbies.

I imagine that this shit would happen all the time and LoveSick!Athete is enjoying it sm. He gets a rush every time you flinch, clinging onto him tighter, especially when the really fast skaters zoom by you, scaring the crap outta you.

And he won't let you go at your own pace, forcing you to follow his lead. This means you're going far too fast for comfort, leaning on him for support. You're arms wrapped around his bicep, which isn't recommended btw. Your cheek pressed against his arm, holding on for dear life.

You'll snap at him, telling him to shut up and stop enjoying this, you dork. I'm only clinging to 'cause I gotta!

And he'll just take it, giving you a lopsided smirk.

#𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙠!𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙚 #𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙡'𝙨 𝙮𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙚'𝙨 #💗!𝙉𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙮 #lovesick #anon #ask away #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere oc x you #yandere oc #yandere male #yandere imagines #obsessive love #x reader #oc x reader

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oneforthemunny · 1 year

Text

dark shadows |rockstar!eddie munson x nepo baby!reader|

prompt: the start of something new between you and eddie.

contains: 18+ minors dni. dom/sub themes, mentions to smut but nothing graphic. trauma bonding, shitty parents, drug and alcohol abuse, past abuse, mean-ish eddie and mean-ish reader??? kinda.

"Uh, do you want me to do it or..." You moved your head back, drool still pooling on the satin, black sheets beneath you. Eddie's inked skin glistening in a sheen of sweat in the low lights of his room. "Or can you move?"

"Just... Just hand it here." You reached your arm back for the cloth, thighs still trembling with every movement, waves of aftershock settling in with the familiar burn and uncomfortableness.

This was typical. You'd clean yourself up, sticky and sweaty, cleaning his release from you with the cool rag. Eddie would light a cigarette, tossing you a water bottle and a bottle of Ibuprofen for the pain.

It was routine to the two of you now. Finding comfort in the uncomfortable; in the unknown that was... whatever this was the two of you were doing.

Eddie sunk into the mattress next to you, pushing the paddle and the clamps off the sheets. You swallowed your pills before turning, opting to lay on your stomach next to him seeing as how your ass was throbbing from his earlier handiwork. Your thighs twitched at the thought, how angry he'd been at you for making out with Malcom in front of him, letting that "grunge fucking wannabe" stick his hand up your dress in front of everyone. Eddie had played it cool, not caused a scene, eyes only barely glancing at you from across the room, but you knew; you knew what you were in for.

"You want one?" Eddie asked, offering his pack of reds towards you.

You nodded gently, eyes drooping ever so slightly. "Thank you." You muttered when Eddie lit you yours, passing it to you.

"So you can be nice, huh?" Eddie grinned, teasing, still a dark edge to his tone. "When you wanna be?"

"Somethin' like that." You rolled your eyes, propping up on your forearms, cigarette between your lips. Normally, you'd tell him you just had manners, but he'd always reply with a snarky remark about your upbringing, your parents. So you stopped doing that.

Eddie just laughed, smoke sliding out of his nostrils, eyes twinkling at you- soft. A rare side of Eddie you didn't see very often. It made your heart swell. You blinked, rubbing your eyes with your free hand. You'd blame the post-orgasm brain fog for those feelings.

"You're flying out tomorrow to Nantucket?" Eddie asked, eyes sliding cooly over to you.

You hummed, inhaling your own cigarette, the numbing sweet nicotine coating the inside of your mouth. It tasted like Eddie's spit, the rather large glob he spit in your mouth and made you swallow earlier- "washing your mouth out" to get rid of any trace of Malcolm.

"Yeah, me and Farrah are staying there for a while. She likes to go to the East Coast in the summer. Says the waters prettier." You blinked lazily up at him, head propped in your hand.

Eddie snorted. "Prettier than California? No way."

"Have you ever been to Nantucket?" You asked with a raised brow.

"Nope." Eddie chirped, tongue rolling over the front of his teeth. You could tell he was about to say something mean. "Not all of us grew up in a life of lavish like you, Princess." There it was. Predictable.

"Well, you have money now." You snapped. "You tour, don't you? You still have never been to the East Coast in the summer?"

Eddie paused, tongue gliding over his bottom lip before he took another drag. "Never been on the water out there."

"That's a shame." You sighed. "It's pretty."

Eddie wasn't sure what you were doing. Usually, this was your time to either hurl mean insults towards each other that lead to round two, or you'd slip out when you got the feeling back in your legs. You weren't ever this... genuine with each other. That's not what you did here.

"Thought you were a Hamptons girl." Eddie sneered.

"I'm an anywhere girl, Munson." You snapped. "I like to travel. See different places. New things. New people."

His heart lurched at the end of your word, that familiar heat creeping up his chest to his throat, burning and constricting. A feeling he tried to shove back down with another inhale of his cigarette, untrusting of his voice at the moment.

"Look at me." You said, his heart jumping again. Surely, you couldn't see his thoughts, know any different. Eddie turned slightly, only to see your furrowed brow gaze looking above him.

"Got something on your head, hold on." You muttered, pushing his bangs out to swipe at the... lipstick stain? No doubt from your intimate tussle earlier, but still you were shocked at how it ended up there.

Your thumb grazed over the smear of makeup, ghosting over a rather jagged scar. Your brows furrowed, feeling Eddie's body tense when you ghosted over it.

His gaze held yours, a little challenging, scared more than anything. he looked like you were about to strike him, brown eyes painfully alert and boring into your own.

"It's, uh... My dad was a big drinker. He got mad sometimes. Threw a bottle at me when I was a kid, so..." Eddie tried to brush it off like it was no big deal. Like it wasn't a painful memory that made his heart ache, made his fists ball.

You didn't miss the bob of his throat, swallowing hard around his words. You let your fingers smooth over it gently again, even years later it was still raised.

"Like I said," Eddie looked at you, lips twisting slightly. "Not everyone grew up as well off as you, honey."

You pressed your lips together, the fluttering of your own heart caged behind your chest. The cigarette dwindled between your own fingertips, and for a moment, you contemplated letting him think that. Let he be content in his opinion on you.

Instead, you rolled over gently, ignoring the buzzing of your enraged skin, lifting your knees. Eddie's brows furrowed, eyes drooped and following your movements curiously.

"When I was thirteen, I had a sleepover with all my friends. My dad did a watch party for Risky Business before it premiered. He was a producer on it, and we all had a crush on Tom Cruise," You grinned softly at the memory, fingertips brushing over your kneecap.

Eddie snorted, rolling his eyes. Of course you did, so predictable. "But, um, we were in the movie room, and Farrah and I went to get more popcorn." You swallowed thickly. "My mom... she drinks a lot. They both did, but like, she drank a lot. Did a lot of coke too, but she'd come home just blasted. Out of her mind. Bad."

Eddie paused, eyes trained on yours that didn't meet his. He watched the way you fidgeted, fingers grazing softly over your knee cap- soothing.

"Anyways. She-She swore she wouldn't come home like that. My dad told me he'd keep her under control but... he never could." You squeezed your eyes shut gently. "Farrah and I found her on the floor and.... God, we thought she was dead. She was just slumped over and-and she had vomited all over herself. I had never seen her like that."

"Farrah called her dad, because I mean he's kind of a doctor- a plastic surgeon. I kept trying to wake her up, do something." You could feel your body shaking, hands trembling with every deep breath you tried to calm yourself with. "She did wake up eventually. Was barely fucking speaking, just slurred and fucked up. I tried to tell her to get up, that my friends were here and she was going to scare them. I was crying, Farrah was sobbing, and-and I was trying to pull her up and she shoved me."

You looked down at the long scar, jagged over the top of your knee, slashed down to the left. Even after all the years, all the creams, it still was there. Faintly, but a reminder nonetheless. Eddie followed your fingertip that stroked it gently. "She shoved me to get off her. I lost my balance, went through the glass coffee table knee first."

Eddie's heart hitched. He certainly had never heard this in the tabloids.

"Farrah was freaking out so bad. Her dad showed up. All my friends came up, saw me bleeding and sobbing, Farrah screaming, my mom passed out. They thought we had been robbed. All their parents showed up, and when my dad finally came back, he wouldn't take me to the hospital. Didn't want this getting out to the press. Made Farrah's dad stitch me up and then made the others sign NDAs about it. Paid them off or something, I don't know.

None of those girls ever spoke to me again except for Farrah. I was never allowed to go over to their house... they certainly weren't allowed to come to mine. My mom... she never apologized. My dad sent her to some 'rehab' place that was really an all inclusive spa, and... she still drank. I just learned to leave her there after that." You looked down at your nails.

You didn't know why telling Eddie this was so comforting. It shouldn't have been. You hated him. He was mean and vile and gross, but... for some reason, you thought he might understand. Give you some sympathy you'd never got in your life.

Eddie paused, his brows were creased in an expression you couldn't quite read. Lips pressed in a tight line, cigarette dwindling in his own fingers, ash falling on his sheets. Waves of consciousness, vulnerability about what you just told him leaving you bare and defenseless to him.

Your heart hammered when he bummed his own cigarette in the tray, reaching over for yours. "I'm sorry." Eddie muttered lowly, turning so you couldn't see the shake in his head. "That's fucked up."

He hoped you couldn't hear his guilt seeping through his tone. Hoped you couldn't feel how sick and riddled with anxieties he felt. He felt mean, really actually mean. Felt like the bullies that used to torment him, like Jason Carver, like a piece of shit.

You shrugged, forced nonchalant, desperate that it would cover your own shaking nerves. "It's fine-"

"No, it's not." Eddie said fiercely, eyes flashing to you. "That's a fucked up thing to go through. No matter how you grow up or whatever. That's fucked, and I'm sorry." His eyes met yours, soft. You'd never seen him look so soft... so genuine and human. "You didn't deserve that shit."

Your heart jolted, stilling entirely in your chest. Throat constricting with emotions too thick to swallow down. His voice rang through your ears, a phrase you were never given. Most people, the few who knew, just apologized or ignored the topic all together.

You nodded instead, rolling back onto your stomach so you didn't have to face him. "Thanks." You muttered, breath catching in your chest, but you tried to keep your breathing even. You couldn't let him see how that flustered you, how it effected you.

"You didn't deserve that either, for the record." You tilted your head to look up at him. "Any of that, and I'm sorry. I know that can be... rough."

Eddie nodded slowly, throat bobbing. "Yeah, well, no kid ever does. Fucked up to bring a kid into the world if you're not gonna love them. If you're not gonna be a decent parent f'them." He muttered.

You nodded slowly, unsure of what else to say. The air was thick with tension, a little uncomfortable, a little unsure, a little... comforting? You could feel the lingering presence of the conversation, the unknown dynamic between the two of you. You weren't sure if you should continue being soft like this, or if you should go back to your normality, your routine.

"I, uh," You shifted with a groan, pushing off the mattress. "I better get going."

Eddie nodded gently, eyes on his hands. "I've got a long drive." You muttered, reaching down for your discarded clothes.

"You can stay if you want to." Eddie muttered. You stilled, spine stiffening. "'s a long drive. I went pretty hard on ya."

You turned back to look at him, how he was nonchalantly lighting another cigarette, but his eyes raised to yours softly, hopefully? You weren't sure.

"I don't want to impose." You scoffed lightly. "Disrupt any of your other plans with your groupies." You bit.

Eddie snorted. "Groupies are for tour. I'm not on tour right now." He rolled his eyes at you, exhaling slowly. "Besides, Kate's in Paris right now, so I don't have any plans."

It was your turn to roll your eyes. "Nice." You muttered, but you were already sinking back onto the mattress. "What if I had plans, hm?" You challenged, raising a brow.

"You don't."

"How do you know that? Could be going to see Malcolm-"

"-Then go see him." Eddie challenged, that same biting tone returning to his voice. "But something tells me if that was true, you wouldn't already be back in my bed, now would you?"

You blushed, jaw ticking. There he was, your mean man returned back to you. Long gone was the tender moment the two of you shared before.

You laid down on the satin pillows instead, watching Eddie take the cigarette between his lips, inhaling slowly. Your eyes lingered on this plump lips, soft and juicy.

"Maybe I need to come see Nantucket in the summer then." Eddie muttered, eyes flicking down at you.

You hummed, settling into the plush pillows. "You do. Change your life."

Eddie snorted. "Yeah? Maybe I'll come." He was inviting himself, but your didn't stop him. No huffs or cackles or mocking words. "Keep you in line. Don't want to ruin our progress we've made."

"Right." You scoffed, rolling your eyes. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Munson."

Eddie grinned, passing you the cigarette, holding it to your lips while you took a slow drag. Your heart raced when his fingertips touched your lips so gently. This was new, different, a foreign domain the two of you were unsurely discovering.

You hoped Eddie would show up to Nantucket. You hoped he come shock the quiet town with all his loud music, tattoos, black clothes even in the summer. Rock their little world like he'd done your own. You hoped he'd be happy to see you, like you were to see him.

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yanderepuck · 7 months

Text

@faust-bite and I were talking about this for a few hours.

But the mansion + the castle is doing secret Santa. Everyone pulls a name. BUT. rather than a gift they have to do a PowerPoint presentation on the person, just going off of what you can find in history books. You cannot talk to the person for information.

Minor rules:

The writers can't do each other

The Frenchies can't do each other

The castle trio have to do someone in the mansion

The brothers can't do each other

Sebastian will obviously not be part of this, but he is enjoying every single moment.

Theo got stuck doing Will. Which he was really upset about, but now he's invested.

Vincent is doing Charles...the lil angel baby is up there talking about ALLLL the shit Charles has done. Faust is covering Charles ears every now and then so he doesn't have to hear.

Leonardo: I hated researching you

Mozart: ...what the hell did you find

Leonardo: WHY would you write to your sister about SCAT

Mozart: ....

Leonardo: AND YOU MEOWED AT PEOPLE. Goddamn catboy

You also have to take a shot every time there is immense trauma.

Theo and Mozart bonding over how much they loved their wives

Arthur and Dazai bonding over being awful to their wives

Theo: you may be into scat.. but at least you were nice to your wife

Mozart: forget everything you've ever known about me.

Vlad is doing Dazai, aka Sebastian is saying half the word because this man can't say a damn thing in Japanese.

Vlad: here's a list of Dazai's drug abuse

Dazai: is it in alphabetical or chronological?

Also take a shot every time Leonardo attempts to say Mozarts full name. Johannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart

Dazai got Jean and he starts out with "So Jean is a woman."

Mozart is doing Napoleon and the title screen just says "Panty Sniffer". The weirder your title the more points you get

Mozart: so he wrote a self insert love novel

Will: yeah...ARTHUR MADE US READ IT

Dazai: it was the worst thing I read

Oh. The writers pregamed for this. They've been drinking all day just for this.

Theo starts his presentation on Shakespeare and Will sits up like "Shit. I wish I was sober for this one"

Theo: there's not much on his childhood...but he did get married as a minor

Arthur: you WHAT

Theo: he got a woman pregnant and then rushed to get married...she was 8 years older than him or something

Will: what can I say. I'm hot.

Jean got Isaac. That poor boy. He's not able to say anything of these science words.

Faust: ..and in conclusion Vincent killed himself

Theo: THAT'S WHAT THE PUBLIC THINKS??

Napoleon got Vlad and the funny thing is...he isn't in history..so he's searching for Vlad the Impaler

Napoleon: He once ate a meal and watched a kid and the parents slowly slide down wooden stakes and made the rest of the town watch it

Vlad: oh come on! Comte you know I didn't do that

Comte: *still mad at him about something from earlier* I don't know that actually

Leonardo: I said he did it

Comte is now getting everyone therapy for Christmas. That's what everyone truly needs

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp napoleon #ikevamp mozart #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp theo #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp jean #ikevamp shakespeare #ikevamp comte #ikevamp sebastian #ikevamp vlad #ikevamp faust #ikevamp charles

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m-ilkiee · 13 days

Text

Deadly Affairs: Bonten! Manjiro ‘Mikey’ Sano x Bonten Reader, Bonten members x Bonten! Reader

“My name is BRUTUS, and my name means HEAVY. So with a HEAVY heart I’ll bury this dagger in the back of my enemy.”

Pairings: Bonten! Manjiro Sano x Bonten reader, Bonten! Members x Bonten Reader

Series summary: You’ve seen this story multiple times, where the girl does everything to end up as the wife of the king. In any other timeline, you would have done the same.

This time is different. You don’t want to marry the king. You want to be him.

Series warning: DARK CONTENT, NSFW, HEAVY ANGST, fem!reader Bonten timeline, virginity loss, power imbalance, gang bang, smut, misogyny, graphic violence, torture, noncon, dubcon, drug/alcohol use, parental abuse, domestic abuse, trauma bonding, baby trapping, forced marriage, major character death(s), time loop, canon divergent.

main masterlist||taglist link

Chapter 1: Genesis

Synopsis: your destiny starts on your 23rd birthday, at the back of Manjiro Sano’s car, with the loss of your virginity

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Chapter 2: The Aftermath

Synopsis: you deal with the shame of last night, when you realize all the executives know what you have done, unknowingly stirring up dark desires in their hearts.

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Chapter 3: Consequences

Synopsis: when a business deal goes awry, all hands point at you. As punishment kokonoi hajime decides to give you a glimpse of your worst fear.

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Chapter 4: Redemption

Synopsis: determined not to be permanently be assigned to a sex doll forever, you decide to take matters into your own hands and clear your name.

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Chapter 5: Glory

Synopsis: You’re finally an executive of Bonten, but the rest are not happy with Mikey’s decision, including Mikey himself.

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Chapter 6: Judas Iscariot

Synopsis: Annoyed that his initial plan never worked, Manjiro decides to bait you into a deal that would keep you with him. Permanently.

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Chapter 7: The Fall of Man

Synopsis: Everything you’ve worked for, shatters before your very eyes when the pregnancy test reads positive. Manjiro is surprisingly, happy.

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Chapter 8: The Evil within

Synopsis: All along you’ve fallen for Mikey’s traps, over and over again. This time, is different. This time, you want him dead.

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Chapter 9: Beware the Ides of March

Synopsis: Hanagaki Takemichi comes to save Manjiro Sano, but there you are, with a gun, ready to push both of them over the edge and attain true glory.

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Chapter 10: I want to be YOU

Synopsis: The power is in your hands now. And you will do as you please with it. Including changing your daughter’s destiny.

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authors note: i do not condone any action comitted in this fic. comments, asks and reblogs are highly appreciated. this fic was rejuvenated by the buttress' - "brutus" and for some reason my obssession to be masculine

taglist (please turn on your mentions in 'settings' before filling the form.): @officiallyjaehyuns @haikyuusboringassmanager @cockonoi @rindou24689 @short-cxke @kokoch4n3l @genawi @getonite @anxious-chick @reiners-milkbiddies @gh0stgirl333 @raven-nevra

#tokyo revengers masterlist #tokoyo revengers x reader #bonten mikey x reader #bonten mikey #bonten manjiro sano #manjiro sano x reader #bonten x reader #bonten kokonoi #bonten takeomi #bonten sanzu #bonten kakucho #bonten mochi #tw. dark content

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wangxianficfinder · 2 months

Text

Fic Finder

Apr 2nd

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1. hi there, can yall help me find a modern au fic where wwx was kicked out of the jiang household and he started to spend his nights within his school premesis? i remember lqr, lxc and nmj being the ones to find him one night. thank you for yalls hard work 💐

FOUND? Where is home? by SpicyRamen_10969 (M, 80k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Coming Out, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Supportive LQR, Good Sibling LXC, Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, JC Being an Asshole, Possible Smut?)

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2. Do you know fiction where wei ying travelled back to past but lan zhan feeling also travel back.

FOUND? 💖 Come Back to Me by s6115 (M, 9k, wangxian, time travel, fix-it, soulmates)

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3. Nsfw ask but this fic was one where wwx and lwj helps jc and lxc (jc was the one asking) how to have fun/ painless sex. They try multiple times but end up getting cockblocked or something of that sort @thatperson0-0

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4. Hi! I'm looking for a fic where during the Lotus Pier seige there is an array or something set up that protects it and results in a baby for WWX and LWJ that is about the same age as A-Yuan - they already know (can't remember how). As a result of that array, the baby, A-Yuan, and people involved can shift into animals. Thank you! @hpikachu2003

FOUND! 💖 Magical Marriage Ribbons Series by starandrea (Varies, 1m, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Accidental Marriage, Fluff, Happy Ending, Telepathic bond, Kink Negotiation, Family Drama, Magical Pregnancy, Dual Cultivation, Shapeshifters, Modern with Magic, Immortality, Yilling Wei Sect) has LWJ continuously struggling to vocalize nearly ANY of his sexual wants even well after wangxian get together

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5. looking for a fic that I thought I'd saved and hope i didn't dream it up... in this fic, I think wwx and lwj aren't tgt, but slept tgt? wwx finds out he is expecting, and instead of letting lwj know, he goes to the wens for refuge (I believe granny wen is mentioned in the description!) I don't know much else, other than it might be a modern au fic. thank you!

FOUND? Nothing but your heart by airinshaw (E, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Implied Mpreg, First Time, Getting Together, Angst and Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anal Sex, Whump, Breeding Kink)

FOUND? The Winner Takes It All by YilingSani (M, 46k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Parent WWX, Old Friends, One Night Stands, No Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Forgiveness, Second Chances, Inspired by Mamma Mia! (Movies) Teen Pregnancy, Mpreg, mention of miscarriage, Birth Trauma, amniotic fluid embolism) although Granny Wen isn't in the list of characters but she features in the story?

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6. Hi i am searching for a particular fic but it seems to have disappeared on me so the storyline was that LWJ and WWX were married but WWX wasn't happy in the marriage and LWJ comes to know this by hearing it from some where that WWX said so when he had gone to a flower house/brothel and then LWJ calls upon WQ to confirm if what he heard was true which she does and so he makes a decision to go leave planning to head to Yilling or CR and when he was travelling he encounters XXC and SL but doesn't reveal his identity of being WWX's husband just says that he is a disciple of the Lan and the 3 of them work on this night hunt where out of 3 wishes one would be fulfilled, is a curse related to i think some sisters also JWY was the emperor and WWX's post was either a general crown prince or a marquis and after WWX comes to know about LWJ leaving asks LWJ's maids who go with LWJ whenever he visits CR if they know where has he gone— with him also going to CR in search for LWJ (unsure) and JWY in a scene tells WWX some thing along the lines of that it wasn't probably also LWJ's choice, was being pressured into the marriage or so. most likely was muti-chaptered don't remember much of it and was on ao3. Thank you. @1p1rose1

FOUND! 💖 Eat, Pray, Night Hunt by Itszero (G, 29k, wangxian, Arranged Marriage, Reconciliation, Getting Together, YLLZ WWX, Misunderstandings, Royalty, Historical Inaccuracy, Happy Ending, Fluff, Imperial AU, palace au, Dual POV, Fluff and Angst, Historical Fantasy, Xianxia but also court drama ya know?)

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7. Hi! I'm looking for a CQL!verse fic in which people can choose to tie a red string between them when they get married (sort of a soulmate au, but not really). When wei wuxian falls off the cliff to his death, lwj ties a string between them. when wwx comes back, the string is how lwj recognizes him. when the canon plot is over, lwj thinks he has to cut the string between them. i think this fic might have been deleted, though, but any help you can give would be welcome. thanks

FOUND! 💖 a trail of blood to find your way back home by blackelement7 (T, 19k, wangxian, JC & WWX, what if a soulmate string au, but without the soulmates aspect of it, a reflection on the nature of marriage, WWX is full of regrets, so is LWJ, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication, JC & WWX Reconciliation, JC is trying his best but words are hard and his brother is stupid, Siblings, Canonical Character Death, but it's just WWX, accidental 3zun feels, WWX as the most unreliable of narrators)

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8. hi! thx so much for your work in the fandom. i'm looking for a fic where wwx is a sect leader and towards the end of the fic (I think) he's at a cultivation conference where someone tries to set fire to his rooms and he and lwj go into a qiankun box. i think at the very end wwx summons a phoenix born from the flames of his burned rooms. thx so much!

FOUND? A Phoenix Rising - An Untamed Story by AitchNKay (E, 130k, WangXian, The Untamed (TV) Ending, Angst, Porn With Plot, Anal Sex, jerking off, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, junior ducklings, Oral Sex, Post canon, Not everyone is gay, Family is everything, so many feelings, Introduction of New Characters, porn with feeling, Friendship, Healing, Suibian/Bichen/Chenqing/WangJi, 3 weddings and a funeral)

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9. hello, thanks for your work!

i was trying to search for this fic where wwx from post-canon travels back in time and is in around the yllz time, he keeps doting on lwj and yllz (past wwx) gets a bit jealous but doesn't know what to name it. he refuses to believe that he married lwj in the future and the future wwx gets mad at him and tells him not to hurt lwj. can't seem to find it anywhere.

FOUND? From the Future for the Past by friedchickenlord (G, 27k, wangxian, time travel, fluff, humor, love confessions, pining, happy ending, denial)

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10. Hi buddy, I have one request. If you have came across a wangxian fic where Wei Wuxian is reincarnated and came to Gusu with Lan Wanji ( I think LWJ is the chief cultivator here) and realised that LWJ was getting marriage proposals from around the (cultivation) World a lot. And he propose to conduct a competition to find the most suitable candidate from the available lot while being secretly heartbroken that he could not have LWJ. I'm not sure if it's ABO or not. A-yuan also has an important role in this fic. Plz help..... @grrumpywoof

FOUND? a morbid longing by sunandseas (E, 24k, WIP, WangXian, Mutual Pining Misunderstandings, Porn with Feelings, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega LWJ, Alpha WWX, Bottom LWJ, Possessive WWX, BAMF WWX, Protective WWX, Hurt LWJ, Dark WWX)

is that the one where the suitors have to steal a token from lwj, and lwj gives it to wwx, but wwx thinks it was just the gusu jade access pass and was really sad about someone winning the token?? 🤔 (based on the comic about the witch's cat?)

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11. Hii, I'm looking for a fic. It was about wwx wished that he does not exist in the life of people he love, because of what happens with jiang yanli, jin ling, jiang cheng and everyone he loves. So he live, but not with his parents, jc,lwj and so on. And there's one time his parents come to an inn and met wwx, they dont know who wwx is because they never have a kid. But wwx and his father, has a similar face, so when he look at wwx, he feel like wwx is his kid that he never have.. I hope that u know this fic is, because I have been trying to remember where and what fic it is but I cant. Thankyou for your hard work.

Pretty sure #11 is a twitter thread by cerbykerby but I don't have a twitter account any more and thus searching is hard

FOUND? For 11, this is the cerbykerby fic unrolled

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12. heyy admins! i'm looking for a fic where wei ying's parents turns out to be alive. from what i remember they somehow escaped the burial mounds after many years and they learned about wei ying from people then they made their way to the cloud recesses and they stayed there a bit. thanks in advance! <3

FOUND? The Long Winding Road Home by Admiranda (T, 13k, CSSR/WCZ, wangxian, flash forwards, Time Travel, Post canon, WWX's parents come to post canon mdzs, not for JC fans, fluffy family reunions, mocking LQR to his face, mocking JC to his face, wild rumors abound)

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13. Hello, I was wondering if you could help me find a fic. It was a pacific rim and atla fusion au where I think wwx was transferred to the station lwj was at. Then they were attacked and wangxian were either forced or called to go into a Jaeger together to attack the kaiju. @xo-minx

FOUND? The Weight of the World by KouriArashi (T, 67k, WangXian, XiYao, Pacific Rim Fusion, Robots, Monsters, robots fighting monsters, Family, Romance, Developing Relationship, Angst, (but not about the romances), Hurt/Comfort, Politics, Happy Ending)

FOUND? Thunder's Coming Over Me by phnelt (E, 38k, WIP, WangXian, Avatar & Benders Setting, Pacific Rim Fusion, temporary character death (wwx's), Angst with a Happy Ending, Action & Romance)

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14. Hello ! First of all, THANK YOU for your hard work on this blog and WangxianFicRecs, I really enjoy my time on both ! :) This is a first for me so I hope I'm asking properly (otherwise, please, excuse me^^'). I'm looking for a fic I think was on a list in FicRecs last month but I can't seem to find it back... I just skimmed through it at the time and thought that it was great and that I would come back to it later... except I forgot to bookmark it and had not luck searching my AO3 history so far :'(. It was a Wangxian AO3 fic and the only thing I remember clearly is a sentence where Wei Ying thinks about the way Lan Zhan smells and says that he decides LZ's scent smells like love.

Aaaaand I'm sorry because I know this isn't much, but if by any chance someone happened to know which fic it is and I could stop racking my brain, I would be super grateful for that ! :)

I wish you all a wonderful day/night !

I was #14 in the April 2nd FicFinder. I finally went through all of February posts and found again the fic I was looking for! It was in fact in your Crossdressing comp and it wasn't about LZ smelling like love but LZ's kiss tasting like love 😅.

Anyway, here's the fic : only the dead (have seen the end of war) by comforting_monachopsis.

Sorry to have bothered you and thanks again ! ❤️

FOUND? only the dead (have seen the end of war) by comforting_monachopsis (T, 42k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, temporary amnesia, BAMF WWX, sad LWJ, grief/mourning, loneliness, mild gore, secret identity, loss of identity, identity porn, angst, humor, crossdressing)

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15. Hi!! For next ficfinder, can you help me find this two fic?

A) a fic where Qin su is the one that resurrected Wei Wuxian and she give him a detail instruction. I remember a scene where Wei Wuxian try to seduce Jin Guangyao so that he can get out from Koi tower. If I'm not mistaken, Qin su and Lan Xichen is best friend and Xichen really sad and disappointed at himself for not realising his best friend is long dead. There are also part where wwx try to sunburn Qin su face so it become unrecognisable.

B) a fic where Lan Qiren is mistakenly drink wine in his teapot and he is doting to Wei Wuxian and told about marriage arrangement that has been sign by Cangse Sanren and Lan Wangji when they are a little kid.

Thank you and Have a nice day😘 @chibiizzy

15A)

FOUND! The Tales of Despereaux (CH 1-23) by stiltonbasket (T, 50k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, JC & WWX, JYL/JZX, JC/WQ, Canon DivergenceAdditional Warnings In Author's Note, major ships are listed but others might pop up!)

15B)

FOUND! 🔒 Who gave Lan-xiansheng alcohol?! by HeloSoph (Not Rated, 14k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, CSSR & LQR, CSSR/WCZ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Canon Divergence, POV LQR, Drunk LQR, WWX is Loved, Jiāng Family Bashing, YZY Bashing, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Engaged WangXian, Gūsū Lán Forehead Ribbon, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Character Death, Self-Indulgent, Wedding Planning, Fluff and Humor, Married WangXian, Good Uncle LQR, CSSR & LQR Friendship)

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16. Hi I really need help but there’s this wangxian fic where basically lan zhan keeps complimenting Wei wuxian and wwx tells him he has to give him notice before doing it so lan zhan gives him a time frame or writes him a letter etc. and i cannot for the life of me find it please help me find it 😭😭😭 @vilethot

FOUND! Content Warning: Romance by Ariaste (M, 5k, WangXian, BDSM, Praise Kink, nonsexual kink, which turns into sexual kink, wwx's canonical fetishes, Kink Negotiation, basically my ongoing mission to demonstrate to fandom that Kink Can Be Unbearably Soft Actually)

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17. Hi! How are y'all doing? for the next fic finder, I'm looking for a modern au, no magic, where fem!wwx goes to live with lwj after she turns 18 and her main goal is to get together with lwj so she's very shameless to the point that lwj has to tell her that he'll have to set rules if she continues like that, and asks if she's aware that he's a man

anyone knows it? I'm scared that it was deleted. Thanks! I hope y'all have a wonderful day!

FOUND! tell me what's your motive by sweetlolixo (E, 7k, wangxian, F/M, Modern, Genderbending, Female WWX, Male LWJ, Penis In Vagina Sex, Dirty Talk, Oral Sex, Breeding Kink, Masturbation, Size Difference, Stomach Bulge, JYL and LWJ best friends agenda, Older LWJ)

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18. Fic Finder: I'm looking for a fic where LWJ is cursed to his young child self. In Yiling, WWX sees a Lan boy with the forehead ribbon surrounded by people, and then he recognizes child LWJ. Child LWJ refuses to leave the nearby inn because he's waiting for his uncle and brother, who do not come. WWX waits with him and says he was a student of LQR, but LWJ doesn't believe him because his uncle did not teach when LWJ was young. Eventually WWX convinces LWJ to go to the burial mounds with him, and he writes a letter to LXC but he isn't sure if LWJ will recognize his brother as an adult.

Thanks in advance!

FOUND? I think this fic is the deleted "Staying close to you" by Venon. I couldn't find it on the wayback machine but I have a copy.

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19. Hi! I forgot to bookmark this time travel fic and the only thing i can remember is he came back during lan qiren’s class and he cried and suddenly fainted?? thank you!! @gideonmorningstar

FOUND? Wish Me Luck by Starlight1395 (Not Rated, 164k, WangXian, Fix It, Time Travel, Angst, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Slight fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Lots of tears, cannon levels of blood/violence, Minor Character Death, secondary character death, Sibling Bonding, semi mild smut, mild Self-harm)

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20. hello!! i’m looking for a thread fic on twitter. lwj is feral alpha who’s been checked into a rehabilitation centre. i don’t remember exactly but there was yiling in the name. wwx is his assigned omega social worker who is the only one who can calm him down and the only one lwj listens to. i can’t remember all the details but I remember wwx giving lwj a rabbit and donkey soft toy. wwx would also play chess with him occasionally. lwj’s episode was triggered by his uncle’s discussion of getting him a mate. eventually lwj gets loose, wwx gets pregnant and gets in trouble for it even though there was some foul play. wen ning is also an alpha at the centre and wen qing visits him occasionally. thank you so much 💖 i never got to finish it and i really want to know how it ended!!

FOUND! come closer (i might not bite) by celerydragon (E, 4k, wangxian, WIP, A/B/O, Medical AU, Feral Behavior, Drama, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Mpreg) is being posted to ao3 now / this the original twitter thread for the rest of the story. unfortunately the thread is broken in a few parts so i’m glad the writer is starting to move it to ao3

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#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

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lilyginnyblackv2 · 1 year

Text

Some More Potential Storylines for Future BD Sequels:

- Kazuki and Rei having to deal with the conflict of feeling “content” and “happy” with where things are vs. falling into the trap of not wanting to change because of that. We see a bit of this potentially in the 10 year time skip, with Rei questioning why he would need to expand his cooking repertoire.

- Kazuki and Rei dealing with “re-connecting” as partners. I think this is a common thing that happens with parents. Especially once they regain back some of their freedom as their kids get older and more independent. A lot of parents will devote so much of themselves to their kids that other aspects of themselves or other bonds made get less attention. If there was a S2, this is definitely something they could explore with Kazuki and Rei, since the 10 years later time skip can be read and interpreted with a bit of a distant feeling to Kazuki and Rei as well.

- The teen years are the years where Kazuki will struggle a lot and have to grow more as a person and parent, as opposed to the toddler years, which was where Rei struggled. Something I noticed with a lot of parents, especially older ones who have experienced all the different stages of a child’s growth, is that they tend to have preferences for certain ages and years. Usually parents that prefer the younger years (infant, toddler,child) and parents that prefer the older years (pre-teen, teen, adult). I feel Kazuki and Rei would be similar, with Rei probably striving and adapting better to Miri’s later years. So seeing a sort of journey of growth that Rei got in Buddy Daddies for Kazuki in a S2 would be wonderful!

- Kazuki’s family actually showing up. All we know from Kazuki is that he was abandoned. Couples having a child young or when they are in a position where they cannot financially support them, but then going on to have children later in life that they keep is something that is common enough and does happen. As does one of the later children finding out about the earlier adoption or abandonment. and wanting to seek out that missing family member.

- If something like that were to happen, then Kazuki would be confronted with blood family for the first time. It would be a way to introduce new characters, conflicts, and moral questions. It could also work as a way for Kazuki to confront his emotional trauma from being abandoned in a similar way Buddy Daddies allowed Rei to confront his emotional trauma from his father’s emotional abuse and neglect.

- Another 10 year time skip, where Miri is around 24 - 25 years old and is starting a family of her own (Kazuki and Rei would be around their mid-to-late 40s, nearly 50 in Kazuki’s case). The episode would be called Grandpa Daddies.

- Kazuki, Rei, Miri, and her significant other would all have to struggle with raising a baby, because Kazuki and Rei have zero experience with that age range. But Kazuki taking to it quite well while Rei struggles more with it again. Potential for highjinks.

- Kazuki and Rei struggling with being both parents and grandparents at the same time and what that entails. What advice is overstepping boundaries? How much support should you provide? What’s too much? Respecting the rules that your child puts in place for raising their own child. etc.

- Kazuki and Rei (more so Kazuki, let’s be honest) spoiling their grandkid(s).

- Dealing with in-laws, Miri’s significant other, overprotectiveness. Keeping their past as assassins as secret from the in-laws as well. Could lean either into the dramatic or comedic or both.

- Potential health issues, needing to change lifestyle habits, etc. Health scare of some kind. This could cause conflict and issues and bring back the struggles that can come with changing old habits. It could also be used to restrengthen their bond as partners.

- Kazuki and Rei being faced with the same issue that Rei’s father was faced with: setting up a successor to the family business in the future. This is actually an issue for a lot of family run businesses in Japan right now.

- Conflict with Miri not wanting to be a diner owner at all in her future and having different career goals.

- Kazuki and Rei going to the adult adoption route as a means to resolve it. Maybe there could be a person in the community or one of Miri’s friends that really loves the business instead.

- The final episode ends with another 10 year time skip with Kazuki and Rei in their mid-to-late 50s and retiring early. They have handed down the business to someone else. They’re going to go a nice, long vacation and going to get to enjoy a “normal happiness” old age.

---

And then I won’t think any further than that, lol. But yeah, Buddy Daddies has so much potential for future stories and plotlines, my goodness!! Also, if anyone wants to use these ideas in any fanfics or anything, feel free! :D

#Buddy Daddies #BD #Kazurei #Kazuki Kurusu #Rei Suwa #Miri Unasaka #BD spoilers #Buddy Daddies spoilers #speculation #headcanons and ideas #just having some fun #feel free to add stuff too!#long post

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thedivinershiddenarchive · 1 year

Note

Hello!! I hope it's okay if I can request something revolving around stepcest with Tartaglia? Tartaglia later in life gets a (mute) younger step sister, and while she becomes attached to her new siblings, she is much more attached to Tartaglia. It became clear later on that before she was adopted, she was most likely traumatized and grew most attached to Tartaglia because of how protective he is.

Years pass and Tartaglia decides to take things to the next level. When it's just the two of them, he tries to take advances, which initially freaked her out due to her trauma. He notices this and tries to comfort(???) her, assuring her that she'll be safe with him, and that he'll try to "help her recover" if she lets him. Even if he is doing this, I like to think he genuinely cares about her and wants her to be safe with him. (For kinks, perhaps praise and a little orgasm control/edging? I'm not sure if you do clit play, maybe that too?)

If this is a lot or too much please feel free to discard this! ^-^ Thank you and I hope you're having a good one!

Secrets can be kept in Snow.

CHARACTERS ; Childe;Tartaglia x Fem!Mute!Reader

CONTENT ; trauma/bad childhood, hints of sexual abuse, family problems (not childe's), fighting and arguments (not from reader or tartaglia), stepcest, dub-con, soft and comforting!tartaglia, reader doesn't speak and only makes noises, usage of "sweetheart/girlie/baby/sweet girl/good girl", praises, edging (once), fingering, clit play (i think), vaginal

A/N ; Thank you for the request, anon! I had fun writing this

masterlist | tag system | 17- & MASC-ALIGNED DNI!

Darkness and cracked glass. You’re all too familiar with it. Especially if the glass is laid down with a splash of firewater on the wooden floor along with loud and endless quarrels.

You were used to those quarrels but you can’t help but feel scared every time they start. Especially when they brought you into them physically or verbally. You wondered if everything would’ve been fixed if you weren’t there, you were blamed for your very existence because of your parents.

You learned not to talk back or say anything when it comes to arguing with you. You stayed silent a lot that you almost thought this was something you were born with. Though you can’t blame yourself because of this but you can criticize yourself because their fights all started because of you. It was always you.

You learned not to physically fight back when your dad tried making moves on you, you were scared when he first started doing it and made it much more physical. Threatening that if you told your mother that he’ll punish you more, but that those threats didn’t stop you either way.

You don’t know if you were thankful or not when your mother married a different man when you got older. You really didn’t like how your dad acted towards you but you didn’t have a good bond with your mother either.

You met her husband not too long before the wedding started, including his kids. They were quite affectionate when meeting you, welcoming you into their house with hugs and excitedly squealing to meet their new step-sister.

They all expected a response from you but you didn’t even say a word, only slow breathing was heard through their ears when they finished greeting you. All the gingers thought you disliked them or worse, hated them. But on the inside, your heart was warming up from how tender they were.

You assumed they’d change the longer they get used to you but they didn’t. It felt nice being a part of the family, especially one so sweet and cheerful.

Tonia, a really kind little girl who tries to get you into playing dresses with her. She would always try out some Royalty roleplay with you where you’re the queen and she’s the princess. You played along, even without saying anything. Though she didn’t mind it, but it would be nice hearing what your voice would sound like.

Anthon who would help in his father’s baking and cooking and have you try it with him. You became the main helper now while he fetches you the ingredients to cut or cook. Before that, he’d try to make up all sorts of stories from different nations you haven’t even heard of. Were you that closed off that you don’t know about them? (you can’t help but be skeptical of how Anthon was convinced that the people of Liyue were people made out of stones and eat stones.)

Teucer would always try to get you to play all sorts of games, be it snowballing outside or pretend sword fighting. Of course he learned to play soft with you because of how sensitive you can be. He doesn’t really know why you acted that way and was always curious about you.

But Ajax took up the hints on why you still feel uneasy. Ever since you met them, every loud sound you’re able to hear, you flinch. A simple call of your name causes you to scurry away and a touch on your skin has you moving away from whoever was making any physical contact with you.

It was a nice change of pace to see you with them much more instead of locking yourself in a room on the day you first entered their house. You tried participating in every possible activity they were in and tried helping out with their homework through notes.

Both you and Ajax played around more since you were in the same age and could relate to one another. He hates seeing you get made fun of because of your silence. You know you can’t fight back, that’s what you’ve learned from your parents. Staying quiet and not arguing back. The ginger was more than happy to take care of the mess.

You’d be stuck on his side when both of you were sent to get groceries by your mother telling you so and he’d do all the talking and buying while you held the small paper that included all the ingredients you needed to buy.

It was nothing common when one of the sellers would try to make moves with you, especially when buying snacks, the vendor would make yours much more special while Ajax got the usual. He’d have you behind him while he threatens the man, causing him to back off.

The whole walk back home included the ginger hugging your waist with one hand. His other hand holds all three bags while you only hold a light paper pouch that includes snacks.

You enjoyed your time with Ajax a lot and find yourself being quite affectionate with him. When it came to his story times, he’d have you close to his side while you hugged his arm and your head on his shoulder, snuggling into him a bit.

When you had nightmares, he’s the first one you’d go to. Shaking him lightly to wake him up and his tired eyes would open up a bit, looking up at you. He saw you shaking a bit and he patted the spot near him for you to lay down. Your whimpers died down when you rested on the mattress with your face snuggled into his chest.

Ajax would always have you close to him on his chest, arms hugging you tightly while you had most of the blanket to yourself. He didn’t mind though, he’s used to the winter and cold climate, it’s just that you still weren’t.

It became a routine at this point and even your family members noticed it, even your mother.

Though it became quite lonely ever since he left to train for the Fatui. It’s been months without him and you couldn’t help but zone out much more often and hug your pillows to sleep. The pillows didn’t share the same comforting warmth that Ajax gave you nor did they relax you in any type of way.

Ajax felt the same. He became worried about his family and how they were doing, but he was much worried about you because of your mental stability. He’s seen you scared and he hates those eyes that hold fear.

He can relate that with his time in the Abyss. It drained his humanity away and became so bloodthirsty for a fight but he never wished it to happen to his siblings. Your eyes almost didn’t hold any shine, it only sparked up when you were near him or his siblings. He wanted them to shine permanently, he just had to find out how.

When he came back to his homeland after officially being a Harbinger, you were the first to hug him when the ship descended. He too missed you as well. It was hard not thinking about his siblings and parents.

Once everyone came home and celebrated Ajax’s arrival, he gave everyone the gifts he'd bought in the city he was training in. You didn’t even open yours, your eyes were too focused on him. Ajax smiled softly, knowing that you missed him more than a few souvenirs.

When he told you he’d be leaving in a few weeks again for the missions the Tsaritsa has given him, you couldn’t help but not let him go from the hug. Ajax sighed, knowing you were the one who’ll miss him the most because of how attached you are to him. He thought it was cute instead of bothersome.

The days he had in Morepesok were spent with lots of ice fishing, cooking, and cuddling with you. He noticed your body movements based on how much you wanted to spend your time with him as much as you could before he left, so he obliged with it. Those lonely and cold nights turned into sweet and warm slumber with him.

On the last day you really didn’t let go of him, you were scared to. Ajax assured you he’ll come back soon but you didn’t listen to him, making it hard for him to get on the ship for the important occasions he has to be in.

His face softened seeing you shiver from the cold and from witnessing him about to leave. “Hey, I’ll be back, okay?” the ginger whispered softly and you only hugged him tighter. “I want to make a promise with you, [Y/N].” he patted your shoulders, you hesitated but you finally looked up at him.

He held your hand up and poked your pinkie out and connected it with his. “I promise to make those eyes of yours shine permanently. I promise to make sure you’ll feel safe, even without me around, if that’s possible,” he laughed silently, “and I promise you when we get older, we’ll be closer than ever.”

You didn’t know what he meant by the last promise, but there were so many oaths in one that you don’t know if he’ll even be able to achieve them but you didn’t let doubt get in your mind.

“You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice. The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off so you never lie again.”

Ajax sang, making you chuckle softly. You’ve heard Teucer sing this rhyme a lot but you rarely ever make promises, so hearing this made you warm up. “And when I make a promise, I really mean to keep it.” he pulled you into his embrace once again before leaving a soft peck on your forehead, causing your face to heat up. You don’t know if it was from the cold or the small gesture alone, but you don’t really care which was which.

That was your last interaction with him ever since, he’s only been sending letters and you always anticipated for them, always being the first one to get and read them, learning his adventures and the people he’s met.

You’re wondering when his promises will be made. You’ve only met this short old man who calls himself “Pulcinella” and that he knows Ajax. You don’t know why he calls himself “Childe” now. Even you admit that it sounds quite ridiculous.

You couldn’t help but smile the whole day knowing that Ajax was about to come back and visit. You were already in front of the hundred ships that were alighting and people came out left and right, making it difficult for you to spot where the Harbinger was.

An ahoge of ginger hair caught your attention while you were peeping upwards, you instantly got down and ran to the direction where you saw the orange lock of hair.

When the crowd started to light up and separate, you were left confused when you couldn’t see the person you were looking for. Did you become so delusional that he was a figment of your imagination among the throng?

You frowned a bit until you felt two arms wrap around your figure and held you up. You let out a breath when you looked behind to see Ajax grinning up at you with a loud laugh.

“Didn’t expect that, huh?” He jokes, still holding you upright while he plants his face into your dress. You admit that he grew strong and that he was able to carry you without struggle.

“You look so cute when you’re flustered.” Ajax finally brought you down with a hug. “I’m back as promised. Now to finish off those three oaths.”

Huh? Since when did he make four promises? Didn’t he only make three?

Your thoughts are cut off when you hear several familiar voices coming your way. Looking back, you spot your siblings and parents walking towards you with smiles plastered on their faces.

They all greeted Ajax back home and the table was prepped with his favorites. He decided to sit next to you and talked about his adventures, while also keeping his identity hidden with the job of a toymaker to keep the children’s innocence.

They spent lots of time with him throughout the night and you didn’t wanna be selfish to take all his attention so you decided to rest inside your room. You can have your time later on and you weren’t the only one that missed him.

You didn’t know your resting turned into deep slumber, only waking up when you hear your door open and something sinking on your bed. You looked to whoever it was slowly and found those familiar blue eyes staring right onto yours.

“I didn’t disturb you, did I?” he inquired nervously before laying down with you, chin laying on your shoulder. You shook your head and turned to him.

Both of you were nose-to-nose, causing you to back off a bit. Ajax just chuckled and hugged your waist, face planting on your neck to snuggle into. Both of you were close yeah, but not close to the point he could put his own lips on a vulnerable area.

“I don’t think I’ve told you about this.. But the two of us will be camping outside tomorrow morning for a little step-sister and step-brother bonding.” you can feel the vibrations of his words throughout your body, making you shiver a bit. “It’s best if we sleep early, yeah?”

You nodded, not daring to make a sound. Not like you made any whatsoever.

“Are you sure we can’t come along too?!” Teucer whined as he clutched onto your leg like a koala. Tonia tried to get him off of you but couldn’t because of his grip. Ajax smiled nervously at the behavior of the young man and patted his head, making the young ginger look at him with a pout on his face.

“It’s much colder there and Mr. Cyclops hates camping because of how scary it can be in the dark!”

“No way! Mr. Cyclops isn’t afraid of anything!”

“Everyone has fears, Teucer, and that’s normal. That’s what makes a person a person and what makes Mr. Cyclops, well, Mr. Cyclops!” Ajax lilted. Teucer only let go of your leg and went to hug his brother. “Gon’ miss you..”

“I won’t take long, Teucer, don’t worry.” he assures the child, hugging him back along with his other siblings and parents. You did the same, kissing them goodbye as the both of you ventured around the forest.

The spot was near a frozen lake, most likely so he could ice fish with you. You still haven’t mastered ice fishing because of how light you hold the pole and fish can easily grab the hook and pull you in the cold water but it’s good that you have your step-brother with you! He’s able to help you out with no problem.

Ajax first cuts a hole in the ice with his blades and sits behind you and holds your hand to the pole in case you catch something big. It took a very long while before something started pulling on the string, Ajax’s senses something and held onto your hands stiffly. “Hold on tight,” he maintained, “this might get difficult..”

The moment he said that, the fish immediately tugged the hook into the water so hard that you almost fell into it if it weren’t for Ajax holding you tightly along with the baton.

"Don't worry, I gotcha," he assured you, still grippin the wood. His towing was so powerful that you were certain you'd fall backwards instead, and that's exactly what happened.

Thankfully the fish was nearby instead of flopping on top of you guys. You heard Ajax burst out laughing, making you confused on what was so funny to him. You sat up and dusted the snow off your clothes, looking at him with a pout.

His smile only widened at your cute frown, engulfing you into his embrace when you got close enough. You tapped on his shoulder and pointed at the fish that was still flopping around, desperate to get water into its gills.

“Ah, let’s deal with that first.” he grins, helping you up to your feet and bravely stabbing the fish with its blade, picking it up once it stopped moving and bringing it near the fireplace. He gestures to you to light it up while he cleans the fish and you obey.

As expected, the dish was amazing! The spices fit well with the fish and the soup was tastier than expected. He had already finished his meal and was preparing the tent up for the both of you to sleep in.

“Hey, [Y/N], you should get in. It’s getting late and you need sleep.” Ajax tapped your shoulder, you turned to him and nodded your head. Slowly standing up and making your way to the tent. You already find the ginger undressing, bandages and old scars can be seen around his body.

You didn’t mind it though, you expected this since he was in a dangerous job that required to have him be physical.

“I see you’ve noticed.. These.” he pointed at his bruises and you kneeled in front of him, taking closer inspection and admiring each one. He observed how your eyes twinkled in commendation. Ajax cupped your hand into his and placed them on top of his chest.

You twitched a bit when your palm met his bare chest but his eyes told you that it was okay to touch. Your hands explore only a bit of his body, not wanting to go further to make him uncomfortable. This made him sigh as he kneeled in front of you, making you back away in response.

“Hey, it’s gonna be alright, okay? You just have to trust me in this.” he consoles, but you still backed away, visibly shaking before his eyes. He stopped his actions and immediately subdued his expression and his first instinct was to try and comfort you.

“Hey, hey, don’t be scared.” Ajax moved closer towards you and fortunately you didn’t move away this time so he could cup your face and look intently into your eyes. Your bottom lip was shivering and your eyes threatened to burst into tears.

“I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable, please don’t cry.” you only whimpered, instead of fighting back from him, you hugged him. Sobbing silently into his chest. He didn’t know you were really sensitive but he couldn’t blame you for it, it must’ve been hard to go through something traumatic and having to relive it again.

Your grip on his back didn’t falter, he can feel the tears drip on his chest. Ajax decided to not talk until you’ve fully calmed down. “Are you doing alright, now?” he rubs your back when your hiccups continue, you look up at him again and shake your head.

“It’ll be fine, you’ll be safe with me. I won’t ever do something that will hurt you, I just wanna help you with something. If you don’t want me to continue, that’s fine.” Ajax comforted, letting himself snuggle into you. You felt bad, you know he doesn’t have any bad intentions on what he’s trying to do and even if he did he would try to force you to do it instead.

“Take your time, ‘kay?” yeah, he wasn’t forcing you. But the two of you were step-siblings and it felt wrong, he knows that too, but there’s nothing stopping him from trying to help his little sister recovering from her bad past. You only sighed and let out a nod, making him smile in satisfaction.

Ajax moved your body to lay down on the pillow and ground, his fingers tickled your skin and every sensation was gentle so as to not scare you. Your face felt hot despite how cold the atmosphere is, it’s just that you didn’t expect doing ‘it’ with someone, someone that isn’t your own step-brother that is.

His blue eyes look down on your shorts, his fingers threatening to pull them down. He looked up at you for permission and you nodded. Ajax adorn the sight of how your panties shape into your cunt, his hand massages it through the fabric, causing you to moan. He loved your sounds, he never heard you talk but he was thankful hearing your cute whimpers and moans instead.

“You sound so heavenly.. You’re making it so difficult for me, baby..” he teases, circling his thumb around your clothed clit. He crawls so you are face-to-face with him, lips barely touching each other. Ajax leans in and captures your mouth in his, licking your bottom lip for an entrance.

His hand was still teasing your cunt, making all sorts of shapes, numbers, or symbols on them with his fingers. This alone had you wet for more. “I can feel juices dripping already..” you feel him laugh against your mouth.

His other hand grabbed your chin and tilted it upwards, his lips planting themselves on your neck, licking and sucking on the skin while he slowly took off your underwear. You helped him out by moving your legs to take it off faster, throwing it at the corner.

Whimpering at the cold breeze that brushed by and his fingers touching your wetness before putting one in. The man had some struggle with thrusting because of how tight you are (and that you were new to the concept of sex).

“It’s gonna be fine, sweetheart. You’re taking it so well..” he groans, pulling his finger out and pushing them in again. You could only clutch onto his shoulders to support yourself, taking soft breaths to calm yourself down.

“Come and grind on my fingers, sweet girl.” Ajax whispers onto your ear, the hand that was on your chin switched to your hip so you could roll it over his digits. His slender and lengthy fingers are so deep inside of you, massaging your tight walls with the pad before inserting another digit in.

You already felt so sensitive and had the need to come. It hasn’t even been that long but you just wanna let it out, who could blame you? This was your first time and you couldn’t control yourself. Ajax laughed lightly when he felt your hips twitching, signaling that you were gonna release soon.

Just before the knot around your stomach was about to untie, he pulled his fingers out and licked it, sucking on the juices before letting out a satisfied grunt. “You taste delicious too.. Would’ve fucked you years ago if you were gonna be a good little girl for me like this.” he commends, his digits teasing your top.

You feel how desperate he is and how much he waited for this time to finally come. You didn’t know that he liked- well, love you in this type of way. Well, it explains how much time he’s spent with you. It explains why he was so intimate with you when he was with you.

“Are you paying attention sweetheart?” he observed how you zoned out a bit in the middle of the session, you snapped back out of your trance and stared at him with a nod. “Good,” he smiled softly, that darn smile. It had you feeling butterflies if it weren’t for that ruined orgasm.

“I’ll be gentle, don’t worry.” Ajax picked your thighs up and made them straddle his hips. You were so distracted about your thoughts that you didn’t notice that he had already taken off his boxers and pants. His bare and hardened cock wasn’t a size you expected, you don’t even know if that will fit you..

“I’ll only put that tip in, okay?” he crooned, holding up your thighs, high enough that he wouldn’t get inside of you easily. The tip of his cock tickling your wetness. You whined on how it would feel if it was inside of you.

He sees your struggle and finds it quite cute, a smirk widening at your hot and bothered cute face. “I can’t wait to have you as my own.” he stares at you, nothing but deep lust and need for you. The ginger pushes you lightly against the tent sheet.

“The heat coming from your thighs is warm right now, girlie. Do you want me in that bad?” Ajax teases, drinking in the sight of your teary eyes and small pout. He knows you wanted it bad but you had to give an indication.

You gripped onto his shoulders and started going deeper, making him gulp back a shaky moan. His hands find them gripping onto your hips, eyes watching steadily on how his cock sinked inside of you.

“So beautiful..” he praises. Seeing you so vulnerable and submissive for him had his mind going haywire. You were so perfect and he loved it. You felt him fill you up to the brim and it caused him to quiver a bit. You are gripping onto his cock so tightly and diligently, making sure no vein on his dick was left unattended.

“Such a good girl for me..” Ajax perceived how deep you are. It gave him some sort of content seeing that he’s the only one that could make you like this.

He throws your calves over his shoulders and uses your thighs to adjust you higher and higher until your pussy is touching his manhood before letting you drop onto his length again. Your loud wail was muffled with his lips.

His hips keep plunging into you upwards, hitting your cervix every time and it would send a pleasurable wave over your body. Every thrust his cock curves just right and hits that sensitive spot you never knew you had.

The tent is most likely visibly shaking from how hard his plunging was. His soft ginger hair was tangled with your fingers and he couldn’t help but moan with each tug. Your eyes blurred in tears from the stimulation that your pussy was receiving.

He wipes them away and pressed kisses on your face, neck, and chest. Making sure you feel alright and safe even when he’s being rough with you. His hands massaged your clit, making you feel much more stimulated than before. You swore you feel like swimming in pleasure on how good he makes you feel.

Each touch was electric, each kiss was like fire, and each pound of his cock into your hole has your back arching for more.

Ajax just couldn’t wait to see those eyes of yours shine. While you were too busy letting out every sound you had in you, he had already tilted your chin to his direction. He could still see how the moonlight from outside shines your eyes so beautifully despite it being teary.

You looked like an angel despite being fucked out of your mind. It didn’t take long before you started creaming on his cock though, the sudden clenching around his dick had him groaning. He couldn’t take on how good it feels being inside you but he wanted more of it.

Ajax thrusted upwards, reaching his high as your pussy tried milking him. This helped him reach his orgasm much faster and emptied his seed inside of you with the loudest groan. You bounced on him to ride your high out and he helped you so he could pump his seed deeper. When you finished, you went limp on him, causing him to hug you tightly so he wouldn’t fall.

“Tired?” you let out a hum, embracing him as you cuddle up to his neck. “What about one more round, hm? I did promise to make those eyes of yours shine permanently and I won’t take that back.” he grins smugly but you really couldn’t do anything about it, not like you minded anyway. If he wants to complete his promises then you’ll let him.

The next promise was to keep it a secret and to stay quiet. The snow may leave traces but it will never give the answer.

#notsodivininglover ; king’s pages #childe x reader #childe smut #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia smut #genshin x reader #genshin impact smut #genshin impact x reader #genshin smut

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neoarchipelago · 1 year

Text

Madripoor High (part 6)

A/N: this was supposed to be some miniseries but i feel like it's turning into a slow burn again... also, this is an emotional rollercosater. I gave Y/N a backstory, tragic, similar to Ghost's one.

Warnings: TRAUMA ABUSE DEATH READ UNTIL (_-_-_-_) TO AVOID IT THEN START AGAIN AT (_-_-_-_) IF YOU WANT TO AVOID IT

+ SEXUAL CONTENT

You walked through the base, the warm sun barely helping with the cold wind. Two months. You were working on this contract for two months. You were more than frustrated. You were starting to think you simply couldn't find Echo because they didn't exist at all.

The obvious side eyes and murmuring made you want to chuckle. Not only word of the punishments from the Lieutenant spread like wildfire. The fact that you showered alone under his close watch also spread. You were aware of the little whispers. 'the lieutenant's temptation' , 'the lieutenant's bitch' or 'whore'. You probably heard 'the forbidden pussy' at some point. You could end all of these fuckers careers with a simple search of their background, the worst skeletons in their closet unburied but you honestly couldn't care less. It was a funny change from the usuals 'criminal' 'terrorist'.

For some reason it almost made you giddy. Of course, Ghost was entirely unaware of all of this. The cadets were way too terrified to even mumble if he was in the surrounding 20 feet. You also tried to keep it to yourself, the next punishment being way more harmful for the boys than for you. Walking up to the barracks you felt surrounded. You stopped in the middle of the hallway. Looking at the boys surrounding you.

"Well well, little ducklings away from their mommies." You smirked.

"How about we call you mommy huh?" You heard from one.

"Oh sorry. I have daddy issues, not mommy ones." You teased again.

"You got a big mouth for a little thing." Someone rang.

"Not only this little thing could end your reputation, your careers and your families in a blink of an eye. But I'm not at all worried. I walk through this base with no fear." You stated.

"Maybe that's your problem. You're FUCKING full of yourself." A man spat.

You looked at the cadet who spoke. Of course. You were perfectly prepared for such a thing. You had an excellent memory.

"Cadet Davis. 25 years old, divorced parents both remarried, two biological brothers, one half sister and a baby half brother on the way." The boy frowned slowly paling. "You enlisted because of your bad civilian behavior, last resort to get straight in life after not only dropping out of high school for misconduct but also out of interest per your therapist's notes." You smirked, the boys eyeing each other. "Now, I know that you and your squad sneak out every Thursday you're not on duty to play cards in one of the barracks near the east wall." Now the group paled. "I know about the phones on which you watch porn while you guys jerk off all together." You said again.

"I know. Everything. Ending you is almost boring." You finally spat.

"What's going on here?" You heard.

You turned to the voice smiling at Soap and Gaz as they appeared into view. The cadets stood to attention as soon as they saw them.

"We're bonding." You teased. Soap snickered as Gaz frowned. You crossed your arms, smirking towards the cadets. "They're such adorable boys."

"Alright. Yeah. No doubt." Gaz said, not believing it for one second.

"Come on, let's go. Stop giving the kids attention. They'll become soft." Soap added.

You chuckled, shaking your head before walking to them. You threw a last glare towards the squad before climbing up with the two Sergeants. Once inside you sighed, heading for the kitchen.

"Are you alright?" You heard Gaz ask from behind.

"I'm fine." You sighed.

"If they're giving you a hard time you have to tell us." Soap said.

You were going to answer when a voice rose from the couch.

"Who's giving you a hard time?"

You froze. The sergeant's heads snapped towards the couch. You didn't need to turn. The voice. That voice that made you want to simply fall to your knees sometimes and others want to fight him.

"No one!" You said, walking to the fridge.

"Soap? Gaz?" He asked, standing from the couch. The two tried to look away, one rubbing the back of his head.

"No. One." You repeated.

Soap grinned, heading for the fridge as well. He stood next to you, eyes roaming the inside.

"I think you should tell him." He whispered, hidden by the open door of the fridge.

"It's fine. I'm not in any danger. And he's annoying…" you whispered back.

He snickered, making you bite your lip. You grabbed a small juice box, turning around to sit at the counter. Soap decided he wanted juice as well, but the last one being in your hand, he closed the fridge, running behind you to steal the precious liquid.

"Hey!" You yelped.

He laughed running out of the room.

"JOHNNY!" You yelled.

Gaz smirked.

"Just get another one…" Ghost mumbled.

"It was the last one!" You told him, clear annoyance on your face.

Gaz laughed softly, shaking his head as he walked out of the kitchen. You groaned, turning back to the lieutenant who didn't take his eyes off of you.

"What?" You let out.

He simply stared intensely at you. You started to feel that little tingle in the back of the neck, that feeling of being watched by a predator. It could work. Could. If only he knew that it wasn't fear that it elicited in you. But burning fucking need.

That, had been a brand new problem to you. Since the shower incident, you felt yourself melt a tiny bit more under his gaze. Felt yourself shiver at his raspy voice. Felt the dangerous warmth in the pit of your stomach when you heard him scold a recruit. You didn't even want to remember how you felt when you saw him spare. His strength, his body, his eyes… oh god.

You looked away, walking to the couch. You wanted to avoid his gaze, the way it made you feel, but also wanted to hide it from him. Hide the way he made you feel. It didn't matter much if he knew. Two things could happen. He would like it and you'd have a wonderful night, or perhaps various ones. Or he would feel uncomfortable about it and you'd simply take a step back. No. What mattered was a certain someone could not know.

"Muñeca.."

You looked up at the voice. Her. She couldn't know. If she did, you'd never hear the end of it. You smiled at her, Price and Alejandro right behind her. You pat the couch next to you, beckoning her to sit down. Price called the rest of the squad as you let your head fall back.

Soap walked in, sending you a teasing smile as you shook your head. You pat the couch on the other side, the boy not hesitating to run and jump next to you.

"God's sake Johnny…" you chuckled.

Price had a warm smile on his face as he witnessed the scene. The room had filled up, you started to feel the obvious important news arriving.

"Alright. Here's the brief." Price started.

You let your head fall on Soap's shoulder, his hand rising to playful pat and or gently slap your cheek. You pushed his hand away, trying to listen to the captain.

"Thanks to Tracker's latest Intel, we have eyes on a cartel. Squad 141 will be heading out tomorrow for a recon mission." You frowned but didn't say anything. "It should be a few days. Until then, Laswell will be here to help you, colonel Vargas and Rudy will also remain here with the Prisoner. "

"Cabron." She spat.

You chuckled, playfully slapping her arm. Price chuckled as well, a darker tone to it as he eyed Valeria. Price continued, falling into more detailed information about their mission. You zoned out. For as much as you tried to avoid thinking of it, you couldn't stop. The skull face kept showing up again and again in your brain. You wondered how his hands would feel on your skin. How it would feel to trace his faded tattoos. Did he have more? You were sure he did. You wanted to search for them. His blond lashes flashed in your brain. Was his hair also blond? Was his happy trail-

"Tracker?!" Valeria snapped her fingers in front of your face. You snapped out of your very spicy daydream as you frowned. You looked up at her.

"Are you ok muñeca?" She asked, a little frown on her face. Soap immediately jumped as well to look at you.

"I'm… fine!" You stammered. It obviously didn't help your case, now the room was looking at you. You felt yourself blush and heat up under the scrutinizing gazes.

"Are you sure, you look a bit red…" soap added with a worried look. You wanted to scream and hide. He wasn't helping at all.

"I'm fine!" You said again.

Ghost stepped closer, your heart jumping in your chest at the sight of the object of all your nasty thoughts eyeing you again. A hand touched your cheek, Soap testing your body warmth with the back of his hand.

"Your pupils are dilated… and your heartbeat is a bit fast." He stated..

"Oh god please shut up…" you finally whined, embarrassment washing over you. "I'm fine, really, maybe got a bit sick overnight it's nothing really…" you lied.

"Perhaps you should go over to the infirmary." Price said with a little worry in his eyes too.

"No it's ok… thank you. I'll rest a bit." You finished with a smile. God if he knew it was simply you fantasizing about his Lieutenant.

You avoided eye contact with everyone for the rest of the briefing, scurrying off discreetly to your room as soon as it was over.

—

You could finally take a deep breath once the wooden door shut itself. You barely had time to take a step forward before the door opened again. You turned, falling eye to eye with deep brown orbs. You frowned, swallowing hard before turning back towards your bed.

"Yes lieutenant ?" You asked. He stared. "You have a staring problem, Ghost." You stated.

He crossed his arms leaning back against the door. The t-shirt he was wearing showed his arms perfectly. The sleeved tattoo almost plastered for everyone to see.

"Now you're the one staring."

You snapped out of the day dream. You were in fact staring. You snickered, turning back to your bed where you let yourself fall upon. You groaned into your pillow. You felt a wave of frustration splash onto a shore of exhaustion. You felt like the heavy weight you weren't aware of, finally fell on you. You turned your head to the side, staring at the wall. Should you glance at him? Was he still staring?

The sound of the lock echoed. Heavy boots stomped on the floor, the sound growing closer before it stopped next to the bed. Your body tensed. What..

Shock filled you as you felt two arms turn you around. You laid on your back, watching the man kneel on the bed, letting himself down as well, his head on your chest. Your heart was threatening to jump out of your chest.

"What… are you?" You questioned.

His body flexed as the shock in your voice. You anticipated him trying to stand back up. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, one on his head. Not a word was said. You let yourself enjoy the moment. The heaviness of his body on you was making you sleepy. He had relaxed, his body reacting to the soft caresses on his head and back.

"Who's giving you a hard time?" You heard.

"No one…" you mumbled through sleepiness.

He groaned a bit but didn't move. His hands caressed the skin of your waist under your shirt, slow circles that gave you goosebumps. You sighed in content. You felt the heat. The breaths. It was a blink of an eye. And he was on top of you, his head in your neck, biting and sucking softly at the skin, one hand over your breast underneath your clothes, pressing his hard cock against you.

The feeling of him, so close yet so far, was unbearable. He teased you, clothes keeping any real contact from each other. You wanted to rip your own pants and panties off to finally let him thrust into you.

"Simon.." you moaned.

A low chuckle answered your whines, only making you more and more desperate.

"So needy. Have you been craving this? Thinking about how my hands would feel against your soft skin? Have you been fantasizing about my mouth biting and marking you? Shit…" he chuckled darkly again. "You've been imagining my cock stretching your pretty little pussy, haven't you?"

You wanted to say no. Throw some snarky comments but you couldn't. Like some spell had hit you, making you unable to be anything but submissive.

"Of course you have… look at you. You're thinking about it right now." You frowned at his words. "You're dreaming of it…"

Your eyes flashed open, the white ceiling staring back at you. Your heart was racing, the silence and darkness of the room enveloping you, bringing you back to reality. So now, you were having wet dreams of that asshole?! You grabbed a pillow throwing it over your face to muffle an annoyed loud groan. The fluffy thing was quickly discarded with rage. What happened? What exactly made things turn out this way? The way he had looked at you in the showers while he was manhandling some perv who had been watching you?

The fury in his eyes, the way he barked his orders at the boys, anger obviously biting through the air. The way he had effortlessly grabbed you by the waist to pull you up and make you sit on top of the little wall. He had wanted to punish you. He had been nothing but correct with you yet you felt like some Victorian man who's been shown ankles.

Perhaps a warm drink would help. Some tea. You threw the covers away, standing up to escape your room towards the kitchen. You tiptoed your way through the hallway, the silence and shadows only remembering you that the team was sleeping at this hour. You flipped the light switch, blinding light burning your eyes for a split second. You decided against it, only turning on the soft lamps over the kitchen counter.

Putting some water to boil in the kettle, you browsed through the various teas the team had. One good thing about so many British men. You picked out something that sounded pretty classic with still a tint of originality. Time ticked, waiting for the water so you could make your tea, you stretched your neck, rubbing the back. Flashbacks of the night at the hotel rushed through your mind. His hand around your throat, the fear and panic in his eyes once he realized what he was doing. The flinch when you tried to pull him to you.

Something made you wonder what happened. What was it that made him, Ghost, crumble in the past? If he had even crumbled. The kettle clicked, notifying you that it was ready. You poured the hot liquid in your mug before heading to the counter and sitting in one of the high chairs.

Sexually tortured. Lots of things came to mind. Every single one of them sent a disgusting taste to the back of your brain. Madripoor wasn't a stranger to these things. Human trafficking and other things were unfortunately part of the world you lived in. You were clearly against it, refusing contracts from cartel's and bosses. Making sure to bombard their plans and send a message to the high table. At least, in Madripoor, it wasn't allowed.

But him? Curiosity made you want to peek at his file. It would be easy but… a part of you didn't want to break his trust. Or at least the tiny piece of trust if he had any towards you. It was fascinating to you how this mountain of a man, a beast, a hunter on the field, could have been so close to being broken. Obviously it hadn't fully worked, and he had built himself a reputation that the high table itself was aware of.

All of these thoughts to avoid asking yourself the real question. Why was he constantly in your mind? What was with him… that since the first encounter, when he had chased you through the warehouse and trapped you, he simply attracted you. You were worried about what this might mean, as you watched the swirl of the liquid in your cup.

"What did that mug do to you?"

You jumped, turning to the doorway.

"God sake! Please put a bell around your neck…" you scolded.

He shook his head walking to you.

"Why are you up? Not feeling good?" He asked, nodding towards the tea.

Ah yes. You were supposed to be feeling 'sick'. You smirked, looking back at your mug.

"I'm fine. Just couldn't sleep." You stated. "There's hot water if you want some tea." You offered after a heartbeat. He couldn't sleep either. It was obvious. Was it his nightmares?

He moved towards the kettle, grabbing a mug in the process. You watched his movements, his muscles flexing with his movements as he made himself a cup of tea. You kept your eyes on him as he walked back to sit on the chair next to you.

"You have a staring problem." He teased, staring back at you.

"You're the one staring at me…" you whispered.

His eyes faltered, slight twitch of his brows. You were blatantly staring at him, a little focused look on your face as if you were trying to figure out some riddle he had dropped. He had tensed again.

"Simon.." you started in a whisper.

His head tilted, questioning the reasons of his name on your lips.

"I… what happened…?" You asked.

He blinked, once, twice, before the dreadful realization fell on him.

"None of your fucking business." He snarked.

You sighed.

"I know. I'm sorry… I didn't mean to intrude. You don't have to tell me anything." You let out, turning back to your mug.

The clock on the wall ticked, filling the silence with even more tension. You sipped on your wall beverage, closing your eyes as the liquid slid down your throat.

"Why." He asked. You turned to him, confused. "Why are you asking this? Right now." He asked again, eyes boring into your very soul. "Did… did I… was I not correct towards you?"

You felt a cold shower rush through the fibers of every muscle in your body.

"What? No! No." You shook your head. "Simon. You've been… very correct with me. You haven't overstepped, or made me uncomfortable. It's fine." You reassured him.

He took a deep breath, his broad shoulders rising before slumping back.

"Why are you so worried that you'll overstep?" You asked in a low voice.

He watched you carefully. He didn't trust you enough to say that. Not enough to tell you the truth. And you understood that.

"You haven't." You caught his attention again, giving up on finding answers. "You've been a gentleman, apart from being annoying." You chuckled with a teasing smile. "And I… promise that if I ever feel uncomfortable, I'll be honest with you and give you a heads up." You finished with a soft smile.

He nodded after a second of pondering.

"You call Soap Johnny." He let out.

You rolled your eyes with a little chuckle.

"Are you jealous?" You teased.

"No. But he doesn't let just anyone call him that." He explained.

You were surprised by the revelation. Slightly taken aback by the confession that Soap had let you be a special person to him.

"He reminds me… of my little brother." You whispered, looking at the wall.

Ghost remained quiet. He sipped on his tea, waiting for you to either keep talking and explain or simply change the subject.

"You're not going to ask…?" You questioned.

"I haven't answered any of your questions. I don't deserve asking you some." He explained in a soft tone.

"You deserve to ask them. It is, however, up to me to answer them, or not, like you did." You smiled at him.

"I'm not really into… family talk." He answered honestly as he winced.

"Don't worry." You whispered, his head turning towards you. "Me neither…" you said, trying to hide the sting of pain from being too obvious.

But he noticed. Of course he did. He nodded, his hand raising to pat your head softly before turning back to his tea. It made you huff a laugh. You sipped your tea again before turning back to him.

"How did you become Ghost?" You asked. He closed his eyes, groaning. "Too close…?" You asked. He didn't answer. "Sorry. I think I'll just shut up." You chuckled.

"How did you become Tracker?"

You froze as the cup was barely inches from your lips. It hit close too. Way too close for comfort. Did you want to tell him? The amount of people who knew the truth could be counted on the fingers of a single hand.

"Too close?" He asked.

You took a deep breath, putting down the cup on the counter, eyes staring at it, as if it'd help you through the dilemma. Telling him the truth. Do you trust him? Yes. Enough to talk about it? Perhaps it would help him unravel himself to you. He had started saying something when you cut him.

(_-_-_-_)

"My father was the type of man who loved the bottle more than his kids." You started. Simon immediately remained quiet, watching you.

Deciding on avoiding his gaze, you let yourself get lost in the brown liquid of the mug as the flashbacks and memories rushed back in. "It was always hard. The abuse. I tried my best to stand in the middle of him and my mother and siblings. I mostly managed."

You snickered to yourself bittersweetly.

"But things didn't get better. I was almost 17. I was out with some friends. He had been out for two days, we had no news. I didn't know."

"Y/N-" he started. But it was as if you couldn't hear him anymore. Words overspilling.

"He had decided that he wasn't happy. And that if he couldn't be happy, no one else could. I got home, probably… twenty minutes after he did. And, he had enough time to.."

You frowned, feelings bubbling up in your throat the more you spoke. Simon scooted closer with his high chair, legs spread as your chair rested in between. You still avoided his gaze.

"He had killed them all. My mother, my sister and her husband. Their two kids. My little brother…" Your voice lowered. Tears swelling at the corner of your eyes. "He tried to kill me on sight. While I was in shock of seeing my family murdered on the living room floor. Blood everywhere. So… long story short. The neighbors had already called the cops, they arrived as we were fighting outside in the lawn. I ended up stabbing him repeatedly." You took a long sip from the tea, trying to calm the raging burn in your throat from holding back the tears.

"On that night, at the police station, the social workers arrived and talked to the cops. I overheard them talking. How I was already old and almost an adult. That no foster homes would want a kid who killed someone. That I needed psychiatric help. And families would still refuse to take me in."

You finally turned to him, trying a small smile. You felt your heart skip a beat as he eyed you intensely. It was hard to understand what his eyes conveyed.

"So, I ran off. I used the moment where the window was unattended. They were too busy. So I hopped out and ran. Managed to get into my house in the upstairs bedroom even while the cops were there. Took some stuff, my laptop mostly. And I ran." You sighed. "This story is taking forever…" you laughed a bit, trying to lie to yourself that these emotions, this trauma wasn't affecting you anymore.

(_-_-_-_ bad childhood daddy issues, family dead)

"So, I stayed in the streets for a few months, coffee shops would give me wifi and I already had some basis on hacking. Made sure to steal money from bank accounts to buy food and stuff like that. Some cartel boss eventually heard of me and offered me a deal. I accepted, became known over the years as I got better and better. The high table of Madripoor decided to bring me on their side once my… talent was widely known." You smacked your lips together, looking away.

"There it is. The story of Tracker…" you whispered in a sarcastic, tasteless voice.

He leaned forward as you turned to him, his forehead touching yours as your eyes opened wide. A little soothing gesture.

"You did good." He whispered.

It was three simple words. No special tone, no actual praise. But it made the tears fall. You tried to catch your breath as he froze. You shook your head, cracking a smile as you closed your eyes.

"I'm ok… I'm ok." You sniffled, leaning back.

You opened your eyes, brushing away the tears with your fingers.

"It's ok." He said.

You smiled even more, nodding softly. His hand had someone ended up on the small of your back, his thumb drawing slow circles. You closed your eyes at the sensation. It was reassuring. Calming. When you opened your eyes, he tilted his head, eyeing you with curiosity.

"You ok?" He asked.

"Yeah… just… your fingers-"

He stilled. Realizing his action. His hand flew off like your skin was a scorching braze.

"Shit… sorry…" he was ready to stand when you put your hand on his chest.

"Simon. It's fine. It was a soft gesture. I saw no harm in it. Breathe…" you reassured.

His eyes stuck to yours, he tried to even his breath.

"You look… so ok. With my touch." He said.

"Hmm…" you started. "Well. Your touch is nothing inappropriate. It's soothing so I don't mind." You explained. "I mean… you've had me naked in your arms" you teased.

He straightened his neck at the thought, making the heat rush to your cheeks.

"It's fine Simon…" you repeated.

"You wouldn't be fine if you knew the whole truth… you wouldn't want me to touch you." He hissed, anger biting at himself more than you.

You sighed, scooting your chair even closer, forcing him to spread his legs even wider. His eyes were fixating on you, burning through your skin, his body as stiff as stone. You let your head slowly fall to his chest, forcing him to straighten himself and hold you so you wouldn't slip and fall off your chair. You could hear his heart stammering against his rib cage.

"Maybe. But right now. After knowing you for a few months, I trust you. And I don't mind your touch at all." You whispered.

"You're insane…" he whispered back.

"Without a single doubt…" you chuckled under your breath.

You remained like this for a little while. You could feel his heart calming down. You were falling asleep at the sound of his steady heartbeat. He realized it as your body felt slightly heavier in his arms. He shifted quickly, picking you up bridal style. Your eyes snapped open at the sudden shift. Looking at him.

"You're ok." He simply said.

You sighed, letting your head against his shoulder. He walked to your door, opening it before walking in, heading to your bed. He slowly dropped you down, letting you settle in bed comfortably. The way he watched you, standing over the bed, it made you feel… surprisingly secure. You threw him a sleepy smile as he softly brushed a hair strand away from your face. After a long minute, he walked away, closing the door softly behind him.

Your eyes were closing on their own, the image of him lulling you to sleep.

—

The next morning, you woke up to silence. You opened your eyes, fighting the need to keep them close as the light shone through the window. You sighed, getting up and throwing some sweatpants and a t-shirt on before stepping out into the hallway. The eerie feeling of the empty place felt heavy on you. You walked to the kitchen, looking around. No one. You sat at the counter, noticing a small paper.

'out on mission, be back soon, Alejandro and Rudy are still on base if you need anything! -squad 141'

You smiled. It was obviously soap's handwriting, and the thought warmed your heart. You frowned. You felt… lonely. It wasn't something unusual for you. Even in Madripoor, walking through town or resting on the large couch in your living room, you felt lonely. This kind of loneliness however. You hadn't felt it in a while. The one you felt on that night. You shook your head. It was silly. Nonsense. Something however, screamed in the back of your mind, that the relationship you were creating with this team was getting concerning. Dangerous… it wouldn't end well.

Getting attached to them, it could be a terrible mistake. And you could feel it. That it was getting way too close for comfort. Lying to yourself, however, sounded like a much better solution.

You took a deep breath, looking up at the kitchen counters. Breakfast. And then. Work.

—

It was late. Around four in the morning. You rubbed your eyes as they started to get blurry from the screen light in the dark conference room. You stretched, checking the time a last time, settling your mind on packing your things and going back to the barracks to get some sleep.

The base seemed to be asleep, the few soldiers patrolling around being the only noise you could hear. You walked through the hallways, your backpack on your back, already dreaming about the warmth of your bed. The tingling feeling at the back of your neck however, warned you that someone… was clearly watching you. It was becoming even clearer that they were following you. You sighed, taking sharper turns into darker alleys. You tiptoed your way into a warehouse, jumping on some iron ladder to make your way up to the first balcony on top. You slowly made your way to a little hideout, perfect for you to see, without being seen. You waited, watching the entrance.

Three shadows made their way in, looking around. You easily recognized three of the men from squad 8. You shook your head slowly. Idiots. Observing the three as they looked for you, you let your head fall against the wall behind you. You were tired. You didn't need this right now. A part of your brain kept watch over the boys as they walked back to the entrance, the other was drowning in sleepy thoughts. Finally alone in the warehouse, you remained sitting on the ground, against the wall. You waited to make sure they were gone. But your eyelids keep closing themselves, as you battled and battled but allowed them to remain closed a little while longer each time.

—

It was the rough sound of the warehouse door being rolled open that made you jolt awake. Your heart pounding, you took in your surroundings. A team had walked in, taking their gear as they were briefing each other on the next training. You looked around, noticing how the sun was already shining through the door.

"Shit.." you mumbled.

You rose to your feet, feeling the ache in your body from the very uncomfortable sleepy spot. You groaned, making your way to the ladder. You climbed down, jumping down the last few steps, the sound of your shoes echoing. The attention of the team was brought upon you as you simply nodded their way with a 'good morning'. You walked out into the sun. The warmth of it did nothing to help the exhaustion from your body.

Unfortunately, the same thing occured again and again. You found yourself having to avoid certain spots, certain people. At some point after a few nights, you realized that they weren't afraid to enter the barracks, making your own room unsafe. You had to find a way to sleep somewhere, in different spots every night. You decided to keep it to yourself, not wanting to bother Alejandro and Rudy who probably had a lot to deal with already. Frustration was starting to grow to an impossible level. The bad sleep, it kept you on edge.

It had been almost two weeks when you decided that enough was enough. You decided that if they wanted to act like idiots, and come after you, then you'd treat them like that. You spent a full day preparing a little forgotten room, adding the perfect illegal things in it. It was used as some 'throw everything in' room. It was therefore quite easy to drop some things. Drugs, confidential files you had… found… laying around.

That night, you made sure to stay extra late, working on your laptop before making your way to the room, the boys obviously following you. You grinned, stepping into the room before quickly running to your hiding spot. As the three boys walked in behind you, you immediately texted Laswell.

You waited. Patiently, watching the three search around the various crates, boxes and old furniture, coating their hands in the various substances you had flung around the room. When Laswell arrived she was closely followed by Alejandro and a few men. You didn't exactly pay attention to what was going on as they interrogated the recruits, or when they were dragged out. You sighed, swiftly getting out of your hiding place to walk out the door. You made sure to be far enough from the big group, walking away.

It was a good start. It wouldn't make them stop. But it'd help. You let yourself lean back against a humvee, crossing your arms. You waited, until you saw his frame.

"Colonel…" you greeted.

"Tracker." He greeted back.

He looked at you, frowning. Even under the dim light of the courtyard, it was clear to see how tired you were. You had been in a worse state. But this wasn't that kind of mission.

"Everything alright princesa?"

You smiled at the nickname.

"I'm… tired." You answered honestly.

He frowned, taking a few seconds to think before he looked at you.

"This… was you?" He asked. You nodded. "Why?". You didn't have time to answer. "They bothered you? Pendejos."

You smirked to yourself. It was incredibly obvious how similar Valeria was to him.

"I'm fine. It was just slightly annoying. They've been distracting me from my work…" you said.

"Come on. You'll sleep with us tonight."

He nodded towards a building before starting to walk, leaving no room for discussion.

—

You were glad to be able to sleep near the vaqueros. Valeria was in a cell nearby. You had spent a very calm night, waking up quite late. Rudy had very kindly offered you his room. Unfortunately, you couldn't just spend the entire time in Rudy's room. You talked to them, including Laswell, offering for them to move into the squad's barracks. They were skeptical, especially towards letting Valeria into anything else than a cell. You assured them that Valeria wouldn't be a problem, warning her that if she didn't behave, you'd hunt her down yourself.

She had pouted, angrily cursing at the vaqueros. Eventually, they had moved into the barracks, and you were glad to be back to your little room. You could finally rest a bit, without constantly having to watch your six. On the other side you felt like you missed the team. You missed hearing Soap and Gaz laughing together, Price talking and the smell of his cigars. But you also missed him. All of that combined with the fact that you seemed stuck in your current search was starting to feel like too much.

You sat on the ground, the laptop on the coffee table looking at you mockingly.

"What's wrong muñeca?" Valeria asked.

"I'm… frustrated. I can't find anything about 'snake'. Obviously that guy is keeping Echo's identity secret like some kind of fucking bodyguard. I can't find anything that could identify it. Nowhere, in all of the underground, can I find a single clue on 'snake'..." You vented.

You groaned, letting your head fall into your hands. Rudy sat nearby, the poor boy on babysitting duty as Alejandro was with Laswell for the day. You heard some commotion, looking up.

"VALERIA!" You yelled.

The woman had knocked out the poor man, hovering over his unconscious body.

"Calm down… he's sleeping."

"Why did you do that?!" You scolded.

"I wanted to offer you tequila. He wouldn't have agreed." She shrugged, walking to one of the cupboards.

"You didn't even try asking him!" You angrily said.

She shrugged again, grabbing a bottle of tequila from the cupboard before walking to you. She closed the laptop, putting it aside as she opened the bottle.

"You need to breathe a bit" she teased with a wink.

You shook your head, bewildered. It was an obvious Valeria move. You watched as she stood again grabbing a chair before lifting Rudy to sit on it. She then handcuffed him, making sure that he wouldn't escape.

"Valeria…" you scolded.

"He's fine! Come on." She sat back next to you after grabbing two cups.

You watched as she poured the liquid into them. Maybe… you did need to relax a bit.

But as per habit. Every Valeria move would end up in some kind of chaos.

-----

tags:

@thychuvaluswife @emily-roberts @warrior-of-justice @gh0stedddd @ladyelissarose

@kiruoris @kaeyamain-zonglilover @salsa-reads-stuff @coacaiyne @hufflepuff-hugz

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autistic-ben-tennyson · 3 months

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@kanansdume, I am thinking about something. While I like the Jedi and agree with their overall philosophy on not being possessive of people and being mindful, I do have one reservation and something I have a hard time with the fandom romanticizing. I saw your post about how it was a moral failing for Anakin to not accept the Jedi as his family compared to Leia and the Organas. I am well aware of how Jedi do not kidnap babies and how similar that argument is to real life blood libel. That said, as an adoptee, adoption irl isn’t always this happy thing. Here in the states, it’s often been used by white evangelicals to adopt BIPOC kids, strip their culture from them and many adoptees do have trauma from that. I know the jedi let their members keep parts of their culture but that’s not how it goes for many real adopted kids. This isn’t a pro 50s nuclear family post btw, but is it wrong for someone irl to want to know their birth parents or even meet them or bond with them? I consider it less like Anakin being possessive of Shmi and more like Luke wanting to know his father. If an adoptive family is abusive/let you down or you struggle to truly fit in, and I am aware the Jedi were not abusive btw, is it a moral failure to not see them as your family? I know SW is for kids and meant to be a black and white fairy tale, but it also tackles some deeper sociopolitical subjects and I am a bit curious about this. I am not an Anakin apologist and don’t blame the Jedi for his crimes, but I don’t think adoption is as rosy as portrayed in SW.

#star wars #adoptee #pro jedi #jedi order #jedi #adoption #transracial adoption #transracial adoptee

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a-room-of-my-own · 11 months

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Anonymous surrogate mother

I was an altruistic surrogate a few years ago and was abandoned by the intended parents (IPs). We were really close before and I allowed them to get close to my children. My UK surrogacy agency instilled in me that I had to be close friends with the IPs to reduce the risk of the arrangement breaking down. I regret this now, I only hope my children aren’t feeling too much of a loss from being used by the IPs.

Anonymous midwife

During my 13-year career as a midwife I witnessed many negative consequences of surrogacy for women.

The first time I encountered a surrogate mother was when I was caring for her when she was unwell in the high dependency unit. She had been commissioned by two gay men to carry a baby for them. It was her egg. There was a vast age gap between the two men and one of them died during the pregnancy. The younger one no longer wanted the baby. This young mother was then left to bring up the baby by herself. She was vulnerable, poor, and had previously been a victim of domestic abuse.

I have also been involved in the care of a young woman who was carrying a baby for a heterosexual couple who divorced. It was their egg and sperm. They no longer wanted the child. She was bullied into a termination at 22 weeks gestation.

Another horrifying story was of a mother of three children in her 30s who discovered she had a terminal condition and had to terminate the pregnancy at 20 weeks. She later died leaving three children. The surrogacy did not cause the condition but it hastened her death.

There are many other stories of trauma which I cannot share due to them being identifiable.

In my experience it is only poor and vulnerable women who choose to become surrogates. Wealthy, educated women never choose to become surrogates. If it’s only poor women, how can it truly be a choice? It is exploitation.

In the UK we are not meant to have commercial surrogacy but it is evident that we do. Women are given vast sums of money as “expenses”. When they are using their own eggs, it can only be described as human trafficking.

I have also cared for women after “successful” surrogacies. These women feel immense loss and sadness after giving birth and handing over the child. Even if it’s not their genetics the mother-foetal dyad is still powerful. Women are not microwaves. We tell pregnant women to bond with their babies in utero and to talk to them to help brain development. The babies bond with the mother as they grow. Then they are ripped away at birth. Some never see them again after the first day. It is barbaric.

Share your story

We believe that there are many women who are suffering in silence after having an unhappy, damaging or traumatic experience of ‘donating’ their eggs or being a ‘surrogate’ mother for the benefit of others. If this has happened to you and you’d like to share your story anonymously, please see our Share your surrogacy or eggsploitation story page.

#anti surrogacy #surrogacy #ban surrogacy #feminism #politics

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lostelfwriting · 28 days

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Fic Masterlist

Split into 3 categories: Fluff, Smut, Angst

All my FLUFF fics

(((Dream/Hob unless stated otherwise))) ((("~Xk" is the wordcount in thousands)))

Palm-Sized Cosmic Entity: ~2k, Tiny Dream and Caretaker Hob

Palm-Sized Immortal Knight: ~2k, Tiny Hob and Dream who is in denial about curse-breaking

the sun burns brighter with you by my side: ~3k, Human AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, CW: panic attack

Dream a Dream of a Little Me: ~2k, Hob wants to know how Dream looked as a baby, CW: implied Mpreg

Ice Skating AU: ~10k total, mostly fluff with plot

A Nice Christmas: ~3k, Christmas fic, Dream learning how to relationships

The Joining: ~1k, subfic for Phin's Soiteria, Wedding fic (well, a wedding-like bonding ritual)

Angel: ~2k, Songfic, Grief and Healing

The White Stag: ~2k, Fairytale AU

All my SMUT fics

(((Dream/Hob unless stated otherwise))) ((("~Xk" is the wordcount in thousands)))

Dancing with the Brutes, Fucking the Stars: ~27k, Professional Dom Hob/Dancer Dream, CW: self-worth issues, depression

if you just let me (have you, love you): ~25k, Porn Stars AU, BDSM and proper communication

A Miracle in Us: ~WIP, Mpreg

Reunited in Heart, Touch, and Bed: ~4k, Angst, Smut, and Fluff, CW: overstimulation, rough sex

Arcana vs Bandits: ~4k, Football AU with Smut, CW: major injury

Might Be Just a Dream...: ~6k, Human AU, Hob/Corinthian/Morpheus Threesome, CW: masochism

Glory to Dream: ~1k, Glory Hole fic, Dream/strangers under Hob's supervision

Messy: ~1k, Immortal Throuple, BDSM, trans,sub Dream, trans,dom Calliope, dom Hob

Piece Out (Or In): ~5k, Human AU, Shameless Smut, Crack Treated Seriously, Sexy Chess Game

To Hold and Dream: ~8k, A/B/O, Human AU, Student/Teacher, Unexpected Heat fic (1st chapter)

Today: ~1k, Slice of Life but kinky, Long-Term Chastity (voluntary sex slave!Hob)

The Other Ritual: ~2k, subfic for Phin's Soiteria, TW Body Horror

control my thoughts, don't let them hurt me: ~6k, BDSM, Rewards, Domestic Control

Make Me Feel Powerful: ~2k, BDSM, Rough Sex, TW: Consensual Non-Consent (Roleplay)

Queen Brat: ~3k, Lucienne/Titania, Platonic BDSM, Domme Lucienne, sub Titania

stubornness pays off: ~1k, Piss Kink fic

Human Rescue and Rehome Program: ~7k, Alien AU, Alien Dream, Alien Kidnapping

Marked by Death: ~7k, CW Body Horror in the 1st Chapter, Human AU with a Twist, worship, overstimulation, rough sex (2nd chapter)

Helping Himself to His Bad Dreams: ~3k, TW Rape/Non-Con, Dream assumes that Hob wants to have sex more often, so he forces himself to have sex with Hob while Hob is drunk. It hurts them both.

All my ANGST fics

(((Dream/Hob unless stated otherwise))) ((("~Xk" is the wordcount in thousands)))

Bury Me with a Rose, We Both Have Thorns: ~32k, Human AU, Hanahaki Disease

Dreamling Whumptober 2023: ~31k, many different whumps

Falling, Fallen, For You: ~7k, A/B/O, Kid fic, Dream being bad at feelings, Happy Ending

Friend of the Sea: ~7k, Mermaid Hob/Prince Dream

The Dust Settled around Us: ~8k, Human AU, Post-Apocalyptic

Black Smoke and Hurting Hearts: ~4k, Firefighters AU, Human AU, Rescue Mission

To Hold and Dream: ~8k, A/B/O, Human AU, Student/Teacher, break-up and getting back together (2nd chapter)

the precarious space at the end of the world: ~2k, the end of the world, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Happy Ending

If I Am Nothing, If I Am Trying: ~6k, Human AU, Homophobia, Time is a Bad Parent

we become daydreamers: ~17k, A/B/O, Human AU, Homeless Omega Hob, Rich Alpha Dream, Grief and Trauma

Safety is a Person: ~6k, CW Mpreg, Dream finds out he's pregnant while in the fishbowl; Hob to the rescue!

The Last Punishment I Will Need: ~1k, no ship, Corinthian-centric Whump Fic

your happiness lies in my dreams: ~3k, Human AU, Abusive Relationship

you are here to stay this time: ~1k, Post-Comics, Bad Coping Mechanisms

Marked by Death: ~7k, TW Body Horror, Injury, Brutish Medical Practices, Human AU with a Twist (1st chapter)

The Hunt: ~9k, A/B/O, Human AU, Angst and Fucked-Upness, TW Unmated Omegas are forced to participate in The Hunt where Alphas can… anything. Hob is an imposter who tries to protect the participating Omegas.

Telling Bite: ~1k, TW Implied Non-Con, Burgess forces Dream into prostitution.

The Black Void I Cannot Fix: ~4k, TW Implied Non-Con, human!Dream gets roofied at the New Inn, doesn't tell Hob, tries to fix himself, Hopeful Ending

#my writing #the sandman fanfiction #fic masterlist

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gumballavocadoharry · 7 months

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A sobering reality:

*Sn= Son's name*

*(Mentions of yn being a bad mother, abusive parents and drunk parents and drunkenness and some childhood trauma....but also Harry being a loving parent.)*

Harry looked on with almost disgust as you took another swig from your bottle. Your small 3 year old son hid behind the protectiveness of his father just in case another episode from you was about to come.

No one forced you to drink....despite the roughness of your origin. Your father was an abusive drunk that often hit your mother and you. Your mother was no better with her hanging by a thread emotions that she frequently took her anger out on you even going as far as to give you a matching bruise to the black eye your father gave you on school picture day. The humiliation was inhumane and so you didn't think twice when it came to cutting off all ties with your parents, despite your mother crying and begging you that she was sorry and that it was a moment of weakness and that it would never happen again.

Of course it wouldn't......you were an adult, and therefore more in a position to defend yourself both physically and legally. It was too late.

But how much better were you to be drinking 2 bottles of wine every day since you were 19. You met Harry at a college part one day and the connection grew prompt and intense. Harry was one of the first people to show you love and see a side of you that was illuminated in a bittersweet coating that just had to be eaten away with a bit of patience. He found you to be sweet, despite you constantly feeling afraid and insecure of him letting you go. He sealed that promise in with a wedding ring and a kiss. He was never fond of you drinking but tolerated it because it wasn't too out of control and with a little love, anything was possible.

But a couple years later, now with a family, Harry's patience was running thin. He knew how much you loved your son and how you adored him and you had a bond with him that Harry developed as well. But it shattered him to hear his little boy run to him in tears when you pushed him off for another bottle. Harry didn't want to hate you but it was hard to see you reject your own flesh and blood...your baby for vodka? wine? beer? Harry would then set aside his work papers and play with sn and to make him feel better. "You know daddy loves you right?" Harry said one night while you were passed out from another night out.

Sn nodded. Harry kissed the little boy's innocent cheeks and pulled him close to his heart beating chest. It was often that he lived like a single father at times if you decided not to show up to the house for let's say....4 days. Harry occupied the boy the with toys and trips to the ice cream shop and the playgrounds whenever you were getting out of hand. Harry would lovingly put himself in the face of your drunken rants and yelling so sn would never be able to experience it. Harry was very strict when it came to sn going to bed or being upstairs by the time your car pulled into the driveway after a night at the bar.

One day, it started off as the typical day, Harry was getting ready for work while you were still in bed sleeping off the night before. You wanted passion from Harry but Harry said no because it was just a moment of intoxication....not real love. The last time of that was when sn was born and......conceived.

Today started off like any other day, Harry was getting ready for work while you were in bed sleeping off the night before. Harry traipsed into sn's bedroom who was still asleep in his bed hugging his favorite teddy bear. "Hey baby, daddy's gonna go to work now. Be a good boy.......and stay out of mommy's way if she's drinking out of that green bottle again okay?" Sn fluttered his tired eyes and nodded. Harry pressed a gingerly kiss to his son's cheek and went downstairs. But not before looking over to his bedroom, seeing a yn still in her clothes from last night who was dangling off the bed.

Harry didn't know what he exactly mustered to go back into that bedroom and pull his wife back onto the bed safety. Maybe his son was watching? He didn't know...all he wanted was to get to work on time this morning. Harry looked back with heartache the more he thought about sn. But he left anyway.

You eventually woke up and went into sn's room. "Wake up baby, mommy's going to make you some breakfast." Sn happily jumped from his bed and followed his mommy downstairs. From there you made bacon and toast for your son. You poured his orange juice and yours but accidentally put vodka in both of your cups due to you being hungover a little still. "Breakfast is served." You set both breakfast plates on the table and sn took a sip from his orange juice but spat it out due to the yucky taste fortunately.

"Oh sorry sweetie," You said after realizing the mistake you made. "Lemme get you another one."

By lunch time, you had started coloring with sn and he made you a pretty picture of a flower and a bee. But the alcohol once again ruined a moment between you and sn and some of your beer spilled on the picture, ruining it. Sn's eyes watered at the sight and he stormed upstairs. "Oh no! I'mmmm sooorrry baaaabbbyy." Your voice slurred before you started laughing.

Sn stayed in his room until Harry came home from work. "I'm home!" He called only to find you singing super loudly and off key, clearly drunk. He rolled his eyes and scanned the entire downstairs to find sn. "Daddy!" He called from his room, which booted Harry up the stairs.

"Hello my love how was-" Sn's face was still red from his tears earlier. Harry shot over towards the boy and kneeled in front of him concerned. "What's wrong what happened?"

"I made mommy a picture of a flower and a bee for her and she spilled that smelly stuff on it." He cried. The scene broke Harry's heart to pieces. He scooped sn up in his arms and kissed his face all over. "It'll be okay baby. I know, why don't you draw me a pretty picture and we can hang it up in daddy's office?"

Sn wiped his eyes. "Okay!" he said happily. Harry plopped another big kiss onto his 'baby's' forehead and went back downstairs, in complete and utter disgust with his alcoholic wife.

"What is wrong with you?" He said despite yn not being able to hear it. Harry just shook his head and walked past her to grab two juice boxes from the fridge and went back upstairs. Harry buried his frustration for sn. Only for sn.

The next day, Harry went to work grudgingly still not forgiving of the incident with sn's picture being destroyed. But at least he had a new one to put on his wall in his workspace cubicle.

Sn was in his room playing with his toys when you came into his room still in your nightie and with a bottle of wine in your hand. "Mommy's going to go the store to get some more wine. Wanna come?" Sn nodded and grabbed his coat. After all you didn't sound drunk and you weren't exactly drunk or even tipsy so there was no harm right? Harry forbid you from using the car for you and sn's safety. He didn't trust you enough for that especially to shuttle around a 3 year old. So you and sn had to walk down to the corner store.

You had bought sn a little Debbie while you bought two little bottles of wine. You took sn and stumbled back home only to chug down your bottles and get drunk before lunch time. Sn followed his father's instructions in staying clear of you while you drunk from the green bottle that made you act silly and dumb. But unfortunately that didn't stop you from going out to a bar and leaving sn home alone when he couldn't get his coat on fast enough.

Sn was smart enough to call Harry cause his number was on speed dial just like Harry taught him in case of an emergency. "Hello?" "Hi daddy!" Sn said smiling. "Hey sn, what's wrong?!"

"Mommy left to go the bar place I think so it's just me." Gosh he sounded so innocent. "She left you home alone?!" "Mm hmm, I couldn't get my coat on fast enough so mommy got upset and just left."

Harry's temper tested him. "I'll be right there. In the meantime, I want you to stay on the phone and sit on the couch quietly until I get there understood?" "Yes."

Harry kept his word and stayed on the phone with sn clear up until he walked through the front door. "Buddy!" Harry exclaimed running to sn and squeezing him tightly in his arms. "Thank you for listening to daddy!" He kissed his cheek. Harry angrily grabbed the phone about to call you, only to get a call from an unknown number first.

"Hello?" "Hi is this yn's husband?" "Yes, what's wrong?"

"Your wife is passed out here in the bathroom, she's at brick pub on 5478 Melbrise street, and we just wanted to call just in case you wanted to pick her up." The manager said. Harry sighed deeply embarrassed by this unpropitious news. "Yeah, sure I'll be there right away...thank you, bye."

Harry turned to sn with exasperating shame. He kneeled down to sn's level. "Little guy, put your coat on we're going to go get mommy from the bar okay?" He said softly. "And I promise, no matter what you see.....daddy will take care of it okay?" Sn nodded, not fully understanding what was going on with his broken family. Harry put sn in the car and drove down to your favorite bar, in no hurry whatsoever. This wasn't the first time you had passed out from something like this. You were drunk there was no question to it.

Deep shame filled Harry once he pulled into the parking lot. In the rear view mirror he could see sn playing quietly unknown to what would be in the car in a couple minutes. "Be good, I'll only be a second." Harry really didn't wanna leave sn in the car, but didn't wanna take him inside this rowdy place either. He hated you for putting him in this rock and a hard place situation.

He went inside and blocked out all the drunk yelling and shouting and horseplay and just focused on finding you and getting you out. Harry stormed into the bathroom to see you passed out still and he picked you up and carried you to the car, thanking god that nothing happened to sn while he was gone. Harry carefully put you into the passenger's seat and buckled himself in and drove home. You woke up only to throw up right there in the middle of the living room.

Sn started crying so Harry had to put him to bed and clean up your mess. He carried you upstairs and threw you on the bed before going back downstairs and cleaning up the floor.

"Hey sn, you still awake?" Harry said after seeing his little boy still up. "I bought you up some apple juice and a couple of cookies. Want me to read to you a bedtime story?" The little brown haired and green eyed boy nodded still trying to erase the image from his head. Harry continued reading sn stories so he could sleep with something positive on his mind. "Daddy? Can you sleep with me tonight?"

Harry looked softly into his boy's eyes. "Of course." He grabbed some pajamas and made room in sn's bed and slept next him all night with a protective arm around him.

The next morning, Harry seriously contemplated taking sn with him to work all day but he knew he couldn't so he just gave his son the typical 'stay out of mommy's way' talk and left. The tension was so thick in the house you could cut it with a knife.

You were binge drinking all day, and you were angry at Harry for not giving you any attention all week and so it escalated your drunkenness. You drank all day and did schizo things. You were filled with rage and smashed plates and cups all over the kitchen floor, you threw vases and slammed your fists down on the kitchen counters. A petrified sn hid in his closet all day. You staggered into his room and ripped up all his paintings and threw his crayons in a drunken rage. He only shot out when he saw you take his teddy bear.

Fortunately you gave it to him, but that didn't stop him from noticing all his ruined artwork. He started crying really hard. "STTOOOOPPP CRRRRYYYIIIINNNGGG!" You slurred and yelled.

Sn stayed out of your way all day and only came downstairs when he saw Harry's car pull up in the driveway. "DADDY!" He screamed. Harry heard this and ran inside, only to his horror, see you throw an empty wine bottle at sn, missing him by a few inches, (thanks to sn's fast reflexes).

But sn's arm was cut a little and bled onto the floor while you screamed and cried. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Harry screamed running towards you and grabbing your arm and squeezing it. "I don't know..." you sobbed drunkenly.

"You could've killed him!" Your husband furiously barked through gritted teeth. Oh yeah, his temper finally let loose and wasn't holding back. Gee if Harry wasn't so nice, it would be possible you would have a bottle going at your head right now.

He let you go only to check on sn. "We gotta get you to the hospital." Harry looked at yn with fire in his eyes. "Sn, I want you to go upstairs and pack your clothes and all your toys and stuffed animals. We're leaving tonight." Sn did as he was told and Harry followed. He packed everything that belonged to him and met sn downstairs. He loaded the trunk and stuffed sn in the back before speeding out of the driveway.

Harry wanted to take his wedding band and crush it with his tires. He drove sn to the hospital first where he called the police to come get you. It was an anger attack because Harry didn't plan on coming back. He reserved a hotel room for 2 weeks and then hung up when the nurse called sn's name back.

Sn only had to get 3 stitches put in, but it still hurt him a lot. Harry was crushed. He immediately scooped a crying sn into his arms and held him tightly while kissing him uncontrollably. "I hate mommy." He cried. Harry taken aback pulled sn to look at him. "It's okay to hate what mommy did...I do too. But don't say you hate her because after all....she is still your mother." Sn nodded but Harry could sympathize. He hated you more than ever. You hurt your own kid.....how can he forget that? How could he forgive you?

Harry took him and sn to the hotel where they were staying until Harry could find another place to live. Soon afterwards he would be filing for divorce, and get a retraining order against you.

The police had come and arrested you for attempted domestic violence and so you were staying in a cell for the night. The police found you drunk and unable to answer questions so, they immediately booked you. Once you sobered up, they took you back and asked you questions that you were able to answer partially, and then they let you go.

But it was too late.....Harry and sn were both gone and they had no plans of returning to you. The thought made you sick.....so sick that you decided that dousing that fear in alcohol seemed to be the best option for you at the moment. One bottle down....then another, then another and then another. It was like that until you stumbled out of the messy house and fell flat on the ground, hitting your head on the hard sidewalk curb on the way down. The ambulance was called.

You woke up in the hospital room, with IV's hooked up to you and your head was bandaged along with your arms. The doctor came in and confirmed that you had alcohol poisoning.

You weakly layed back in the bed, barely able to open your eyes to the morning sunlight mixed with the led hospital ones. But what you didn't expect was to hear a familiar voice enter the room....Harry.

"Harry.....what are you doing here?" You asked deliriously. "I heard about what happened and I wanted to make sure you were still alive." Harry said gravely. After everything you had put those boys through..it was a miracle that Harry still wanted to remember you. You noticed his ring still on his finger and so the slight hope of you all being a family again resonated with you. But Harry wasn't changing his mind.

"I didn't know if you'd be here." You said hoping to gain sympathy from your husband. "I didn't think I'd be here either." Harry was still angry, you could sense that in his voice. "Where's sn?" Harry glanced towards the door. "Waiting outside." Before you could even choke up the words...Harry instead asked for you. "Would you like to see him?"

You nodded with a smile. Harry ushered sn in, where he hesitantly walked in and Harry sat him on your bedside. "Hey baby....how are you?" Sn shrugged with no response. That was a response. One that sent an unconformable shiver down your spine. "Mommy's sorry.....for everything. You see," You sat up on the bed and faced him. "I was...acting silly like how mommy does when she drinks that yucky stuff from her green bottle-"

"He had to get three stitches put in on his arm from the bottle you threw at him last night.....why don't you start with that?" Harry bitterly sneered. You looked at Harry before swallowing hard. "Yeah....I threw that bottle because I was...I was drunk and acting very foolish....and I'm so sorry for what I did," You had tears flowing freely from your face now. "For everything." You cried. Sn hugged you and then pulled away. Sweet boy.

Harry took off his wedding ring and set on your nightstand. "Maybe you can pawn it and use the money to get yourself together. Don't even think of trying to get custody because I have the police reports, and the past purchases documents of you drinking and of course the hospital records of your alcohol poisoning." Harry gently grabbed sn and walked away. But he turned to face you one last time.

"Goodbye yn....I wish you the best. I thought love was what you needed....but anyway, I just hope you treat yourself better than how you treated us. You have a nice life."

And with that the door closed....your life was now in your hands.

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