#thank you to the person who just sent in another ask!
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HOW TO NOT SURVIVE HIGHSCHOOL
LYING to his friends about having a girlfriend was definitely not on his ‘how to survive highschool’ list and now, he has to convince his biggest rival that will surely laugh at his face, to fake date him.
PAIRING. rugby player+rival!sunghoon X rival-fem!reader (mentions of the rest of enha, aespa’s karina and boynextdoor taesan)
GENRE. childhood enemies to fake dating to lovers, angst, comedy, fluff and idk what more.
WARNINGS. young sunghoon’s a bitch, so is young y/n, also older sunghoon’s a bitch and so is y/n, manipulating here and there, misunderstandings, miscommunications, definitely curse words (seventh graders already know how to curse here!) , horrible humor, ik its weird but all of the mentioned idols here are the same age! (lmk if i missed something pls!)
WORD-COUNT. 10.4k+
NOTE. ok fine! bully me for not knowing how to make a pretty cover, its the story that matters though, right? anyways besties i really dunno when will be my next update so please be patient!! i miss writing and being here 24/7 honestly but its just been really hard for me.
“i need you to fake date me”
“no”
“please?”
“are you seriously begging right now?”
“yes?”
“that’s fun, get on your knees and beg more”
“are you nuts? i’ll never do that”
“fine then, pay me for that”
“how much?”
“two”
“dollars?”
“billions”
if there’s one thing sunghoon can say about himself is that he’s quite an organized person, therefore he made a list for highschool.
a list that will help him survive his last years in highschool and will help him stay sane at the same time.
he called his list “how to survive highschool”, creative, right?
he’s been following his list and so far managed to survive just perfectly.
staying in rugby team with his friends? check!
“sunghoon! catch!” he heard a voice calling him and saw a ball coming right at him, he caught the ball and ran with it, then passing the ball to riki, his friend and teammate who scored the game and ended it with a win.
“that was a good one! take a break and return in thirty minutes!” the rugby team’s coach clapped and sent the players off for break.
“hey! i got your exam grades here! come collect them!” jungwon, one of sunghoon’s friends waved the exams to show the players he got the them in his hands.
sunghoon went up to jungwon and took his own.
get high grades? check!
“i got A+ again!” he looked at the grade and excitedly smiled.
“ugh, you’re making me sick being the nerdy rugby player” jay, another friends of his rolled his eyes.
“you’re just jealous my grades are higher than your chances with your crush” sunghoon joked.
“oh you—“ “enough! no fighting on break time” heeseung cut jay in the middle of his sentence.
“let’s just get something to snack, it’s lunch time anyway” sunoo suggested and they all nodded.
“you guys ready?” riki asked before they entered the hallway.
get popular enough so students will freak out when they see you? check!
“sunghoon! i got you this chocolate snack! please accept this and enjoy it” a one random student handed him the chocolate snack.
before he could take it, jake snatched it and smiled, “i’ll take that, thank you” and left the girl and sunghoon speechless.
“dude what the fuck?” he asked his friend.
“it could be poisoned for all you care” jake shrugged but proceeded to take a bite from the snack as they kept walking.
“let’s just sit right there!” jungwon pointed at one lunch table as they entered the cafeteria.
“really? right in front of where y/n is sitting?” sunoo whispered in his ear.
“sure, let’s do that” sunghoon replied and started walking towards the table.
“um, i’ll go grab the snacks” riki said and ran to get the snacks.
“did he just-“ “oh, it’s going to be interesting” jake smirked and watched sunghoon as he walked really closer to you, who was sitting with your back towards him.
“so, what are your plans for the weekend?” your friend karina asked as she took a bite of your food.
“oh i don’t really know, probably chilling at home and—“ you were cut off middle sentence by someone bumping into you, causing you to spill some of your food on your uniform.
“what the fuck?” you turned around and saw the person behind it, “should’ve known it was you, park”
get yourself a rival so it’ll be more fun and interesting….? check!
“sorry, couldn’t see you there” he smirked.
“just go away” you rolled your eyes at him and turned to your friend who looked awkward as hell.
“sure” he started to walk but bumped into you again, causing you to spill more food on your clothes.
“oops! that happened again” he chuckled and continued to walk to the table.
“that’s it” that was your last straw.
you got up and took your water bottle, “y/n dont—“ your friend tried to stop you but it was too late already.
as you got closer to sunghoon, you poured all your water on him.
“what the—“ “sorry!! i slipped over and spilled some on you!!” you replied with a smirk and stormed off.
his friends who were watching the whole thing from afar, walked closer to now drenched sunghoon and started laughing.
“damn, that was fun. do it again!” jay cheered.
“here sunghoon i got you a towel!” a student walked up to him and handed him a towel to dry himself.
“thank you, i’ll take it” sunoo said and took the towel.
sunghoon glared at him, “what? you’re already used to being drenched by sweat, it’s the same thing, no?”
“i hate him” you rolled your eyes.
“say, what’s the deal with you and sunghoon? you never really told me and i just assumed he annoys you because he’s a nerdy rugby player,” she chuckled, “but it seems more than that”
“park sunghoon has been on my ass ever since seventh grade” you sighed.
“why? what happened on seventh grade?” she asked, leaving everything she was busy on behind and crossing her hands to focus on you and you only.
before seventh grade you and sunghoon were best friends, hell, your parents could’ve sworn that one day you’ll end up marrying each other.
you were stuck like a glue, always around each other and doing basically everything together, no one could tear you apart.
until, seventh grade happened.
you were the top student in class, you aced everything, from math to arts and received praises from all teachers. for the last few days of school, the teacher wanted you to show the whole school your arts project.
you drew your favorite view, which was your house garden, the teacher got so excited over the drawing and decided she wants you to show it to everyone else too.
a day before the last day of school, you were busy doing the last touches of your art, sunghoon was busy doing his usual, which was to annoy you.
“sunghoon stop! i need to focus” you scoffed.
sunghoon shrugged, “but i’m bored”
“go play around with others or something” you sighed.
he shook his head, “not when i can annoy you!”
he walked back and forth, even twirled around, until he became dizzy and accidentally pushed you over your drawing, making it look like a big mess over the canvas.
you let out a yelp and looked at it with teary eyes.
“i….i’m sorry!” he quickly said.
“get out!” you yelled without even looking at him.
“it can be fixed! just a few little—“ “i asked you to get out! you ruined my drawing! how will i be able to show it to everyone now?” at this point you started crying.
you didn’t show your unfinished and ruined art in front of everyone, instead it was sunghoon’s drawing that was shown to everyone.
your teacher saw the ruined art and decided to change the plans by taking sunghoon’s project and showing it to everyone.
jealousy was eating you alive. it was supposed to be you up there on stage, showing the project to everyone and getting the compliments, you deserve that after working so hard.
it was sunghoon’s fault, all of it.
before you walked away with your parents, sunghoon called you a few times. at first you ignored his callings, but your parents, unbeknown to the whole story behind it, stopped your tracks and told you to go to sunghoon.
with heavy steps you walked closer to him, “what do you want?” you coldly asked.
“i wanted to apologize” he took a deep breath.
“great, you just did”
“wait—“
“we’re good now, i forgive you” you lied. you just didn’t feel like hearing his excuses and explanations.
“wow, really?”
“yeah” no.
although you told sunghoon you forgive him, things became really awkward between the two of you.
summer vacation arrived and you did your best to ignore him, except the times where he left you no choice and just randomly showed up at your house.
eighth grade was cool between the two of you, but you still held strong feelings against him.
he tried his best to overcome the weird awkwardness between the two of you, you’re too important for him to let go. he was honestly so scared of entering highschool without you by his side.
the second half of eighth grade was the last straw between the two of you.
you started crushing over someone in your class, and started hanging out with him, slowly getting close to the guy.
sunghoon, who was carefully watching you from behind, didn’t like your new crush, he seemed like bad news to him, getting close not only to you, but to other girls as well.
your parents, who were strict that time, warned you about dating a guy at such young age, and sunghoon had to do what he had to do.
“park, what the fuck?” you came up to him and pushed him.
“what?” he asked surprised.
“why the fuck did you tell my parents about him?” you shout.
“oh,” he rolled his eyes, “so it’s about him”
“of course it’s about him! you know about my long time crush on him!”
“he’s bad news y/n” sunghoon tried to warn you.
“no, you’re bad news! i should’ve known not to forgive you at all” you scoffed and walked away.
“y/n, wait!” sunghoon called you but you were faster than the light and suddenly was nowhere to be found.
“uh oh” jay, who was there to witness everything pat his friend’s back, “you fucked up”
“yeah, thanks jay i really needed that” sunghoon rolled his eyes.
“really? going behind her back and telling her parents about some guy? you could’ve just talked with her about it” jay snapped.
“it’s not that easy”
“it sure isn’t, and so will be your attempts to talk with her”
jay was right, sunghoon tried everything to get to talk with you, followed you everywhere, sent you numerous texts and calls until you had to block his number, even showed up at your house a few times. nothing helped.
so sunghoon, being the cool teenager he is, decided to move on. he doesn’t need you anymore anyways.
nineth grade came and so did a new student that sunghoon couldn’t take his eyes off of.
slowly he tried his best to get closer to her and spending more time with her, he was so close to confess his feelings towards her.
“did you do that on purpose?” she asked, nothing but hatred in her eyes as she looked at sunghoon.
“do what…?” he asked confused.
“did you tell the whole school about my family issues?” she raised her voice.
“what? no! i would never—“
“forget it, you’re such a jerk!” she yelled and stormed out.
“wait!!” he called her and was about to run after her but his eyes caught a glimpse of a person smirking.
he clenched his jaw and moved closer to the figure, “what the fuck did you do?” he asked.
“nothing, i don’t know what you’re talking about” the person shrugged.
“don’t play dumb, y/n. i know you had something to do with it” he rolled his eyes.
“still don’t know what you’re talking about” you shrugged again, “maybe someone’s just taking a revenge on you, i don't know” you added and left with a smirk.
“i hate you choi y/n!” he shout. “it’s mutual park sunghoon!”
“oh now i get it! yes girl! give him the revenge he deserves to get” karina cheered and you nodded.
“but, don’t you think he ruined your chances with your crush just because he was jealous?” she asked and you glared at her, “i mean, even your parents could’ve sworn you’d end up getting married”
“even if he was jealous, he should’ve confronted me about it” you replied and she nodded.
“you’re right” she sighed, “but what if he was, i don’t know, scared?”
“are you seriously on his side now?” you asked in disbelief.
“never!” she hugged you and you giggled.
“let’s get you cleaned up, i think i have an extra uniform in my locker”
“oh no, walking in school hallways like that is like just straight up asking to be bullied”
“i won’t let anyone bully you bae, let’s go”
“by the way! all of you are invited to my brother’s wedding, no single hoes are invited though, that includes you sunghoon” heeseung chuckled,
“sweet! when is it?” jake asked.
“in a month”
“what? you cannot be serious!” sunghoon complained.
“sorry, your single ass will not be able to handle this wedding” heeseung shrugged.
“even riki has a partner before you” sunoo laughed.
“guys just realized sunghoon is really the only one single here” jungwon added which made everyone laugh and make jokes about him.
“all of you can shut up because i actually do have a girlfriend”
heeseung was obviously joking about sunghoon not being invited because he’s single, but he was not expecting to hear his friend confessing that he actually is seeing someone now.
sunghoon was also not expecting that big lie to come out of his mouth, but it was already too late.
“what?” jungwon spoke first after the silence that surrounded after his confession.
“i do have a girlfriend” no sunghoon, you can still get away with it and say you were joking.
sunghoon’s list of surviving highschool has a lot of tasks still left untouched, but this one was definitely not, and was never written, as one of his tasks on his list.
lie to your friends about having a girlfriend? definitely not on the list, stop with the lies!!!
his friends looked at him in shock. riki dropped the spoon he was about to shove into his mouth, jake choked on his water and heeseung pat his back, jay almost fainted and jungwon and sunoo froze in their place.
“what?” sunghoon asked.
they all burst into laughter, “that was a good one! i almost believed you!” riki wiped his tears that fell down because of the amount of laughter he let out.
“i’m serious!” sunghoon scoffed.
“you? a girlfriend? sunghoon, i saw your ‘how to survive highschool’ list, you had a ‘no matter what, stay single until you finish highschool!’ line!” jay chuckled.
“i can break one line its not a big deal, besides, she’s definitely worth it” sunghoon smiled.
he’s talking about no one, no one comes to his mind at the moment, but he still keeps on with his lie.
“will we be able to see her before the wedding?” heeseung asked.
“a day before maybe” sunghoon nodded.
“hey! we’re already late for practice! get up everyone now!!” jungwon checked the clock and hurried everyone up.
sunghoon knows he fucked up, real bad. he never had a normal conversation with a girl in highschool, and let’s not forget about the fact that everyone talks to him as if he has some kind of royal blood.
the only real friendship he had with a girl was with you in his childhood. and you’re the only girl who can talk back to him without feeling threatened. wait, that’s it!
“i need you to fake date me”
curse him and his very awful impulse control.
as soon as sunghoon finished his practice he went to the library, figured he’d find you there and apparently he was right.
the book you were reading was long forgotten as you tried to process what you just heard.
“no” you replied shortly.
“please?” he sounded so desperate.
“are you seriously begging right now?”
“yes?”
“that’s fun, get on your knees and beg more” you smirked.
“are you nuts? i’ll never do that” he frowned and rolled his eyes.
“fine then, pay me for that”
“how much?”
“two”
“dollars?”
“billions”
“hell no”
“kiss my ass goodbye then” you shrugged.
“you’re unbelievable”
“said the one who barged into the library and started begging me to date him”
“yeah, it’ll help you become popular” he slightly nodded.
“right, you’re already popular and have multiple fans or whatever, why don’t you just ask them?”
“it’ll just make things worse!”
“fuck off sunghoon, i’m not going to fake date you and help you because of some stupid lie you told” you rolled your eyes and got back to reading the book.
he tried begging you once more but at this point you just decided to ignore him until he left.
“what the heck was that?” you asked yourself and shook your head.
“hey y/n!” you heard a voice calling you and you immediately recognized this voice.
it belonged to taesan, your classmate and also your longtime crush. taesan’s quite popular amongst the students, and surprising so, he’s not a rugby player.
you’ve made a pros and cons lists about your few old crushes and also made one about your current crush, taesan.
pros? he’s funny, smart, creative, caring, friendly, kind and would prefer to spend his free time in the library with you.
cons?
“hey sunghoon dude! didn’t see you there, what are you doing here?”
he’s sunghoon’s best friend. that is a BIG no no for you.
“just came to check something, studying again?” sunghoon smirked as he looked at you.
did he seriously wait for taesan to come so he could spend more time annoying you?
“yeah, it’s my studying with y/n time, we’ve been doing that for a while” taesan smiled widely and winked at you.
without even noticing your cheeks started to heat up. but your blushing cheeks were already noticed by someone who’s definitely going to use that against you.
“right, i’m not going to interrupt you two, enjoy!” sunghoon said as he gave you one last smirk before turning around and leaving.
“isn’t he so weird sometimes? i can definitely understand why you hate his guts” taesan chuckled and you nodded.
“how are you today anyway? didn’t see you that much” he smiled.
“so far so good, you?”
“great now that i’m here with you”
you tried your best to stop your racing heart beats after hearing what he said and making eye contact with him.
you just giggled and opened a book right away, “let’s just start with this book!”
after some time that felt like half an hour to you (but was actually two hours or so) it was time to go back home.
“let me walk you home” taesan suggested.
“it’s okay, i live closeby, if so i’m the one who needs to walk you home” you giggled.
“i insist”
you didn’t reply to him and just walked out of the library as he followed you.
“oh hey y/n, taesan!” you stopped your trace when you noticed sunghoon standing right outside the library.
“sunghoon? why are you still here?” taesan asked, emphasizing the last question.
“just walked by after dropping yeji at her friend’s house, also i promised y/n i’ll walk her home, right y/n?”
you looked at him confused but he gave you the ‘you better say yes now’ look, and besides, you didn’t want to bother taesan with the long walk.
“right, i completely forgot, i’m really sorry taesan, next time i’ll be the one to walk you home!” you said and he nodded.
“don’t worry about it!” he said, quite confused since he never saw the both of you getting along and actually walking home together, even though you live right across each other.
sunghoon took your hand and dragged you away from taesan.
“what the fuck park?”
“walking him home? seriously? your lazy ass could never” he teased and you rolled your eyes.
“fuck off sunghoon, why are you really here?”
“i’ve got a deal to offer” he stopped you from walking and you glared at him.
“no”
“you haven’t heard it yet”
“i don’t care, it’s a no from me, i can never trust you” you scoffed and started walking away.
“i’ll help you to get close to taesan!” he said and you froze for a second, “i don’t need your help”
“oh but you do” he smirked as he figured he got your weakness point, “you’ve been acting awfully trying to hide your little crush on him”
“what do you need?” you asked, half convinced.
“a month” he said straightforwardly.
“are you—“
“a month of fake dating and then i’ll let you tell everyone you broke up with me and broke my heart and whatever you want” he licked his lips, “i’ll help you get closer to taesan too”
“i need a day to think about it” you sighed.
“fine” he said, full of hopes and prayers.
as you arrived you bid your goodbyes for the first time in years, and it never felt so weird as much as it just did.
as you entered the house you took a quick shower and ate, right after that you ran to get your phone a called karina.
“i think you should do it, a month wouldn’t be so bad, plus, he did say he’ll help you get close to taesan” she said.
“can i really trust him though? he ruined my chances with my crush once already” you groaned.
“you’re right, don’t trust that guy”
“but he’s also the only one that could get me close to taesan”
“right again, trust him fully and agree to that deal”
“you’re not helping me at all!!” you complained.
“i don’t know bae, i guess that if i was you i would’ve probably go with what my heart says”
“cliché much, aren’t we?”
“i didn’t know what to say!”
“i guess i just…”
“really? are you for real? is it really happening right now? i need you to sign this contract right now before you regret” sunghoon’s eyes widened and his lips formed into a little smile.
you rolled your eyes, “don’t make me regret this”
“okay okay, i won’t, let’s just find a spot where we could talk” he said and took your hand.
he dragged you to an empty classroom and closed the door.
“so,” he spoke, “we need rules”
“no shit sherlock”
“can you stop being an actual bitch for a second and hear me out?” he spat and you rolled your eyes.
“i’ll be walking you home, mornings and afternoons no matter what” he said.
“does that really matter? i mean, no one sees us” you sighed.
“that’s what you think, my friends are stalkers it’s actually scary”
“whatever”
“we’ll be posting pictures together which means we’re going to have to go on date—“
“im gonna stop you right there” you cut him off middle sentence, “you can just use pictures from pinterest”
“what?”
“there’s no chance im going on dates with you” you argued.
“you agreed to this fake dating, you need to face the consequences”
you groaned and he continued, “kissing is not prohibited, you can kiss me whenever you want, if it’s necessary”
you felt like throwing up hearing this sentence.
“who’s gonna buy that? just yesterday you were bumping into me and acting like a total bitch in front of everyone” you rolled your eyes.
“it’s as simple as that, we’ll say we’ve been forced by our parents to come as a couple to an event and we had a deep conversation about our past and after a while of reuniting i asked you out and we decided to hide our relationship until now” he shrugged.
“wow,” you clapped, “you thought about it the whole day yesterday didn’t you?”
“no…” he scratched his nape and looked everywhere but at you.
“sure” you nodded, completely not believing what he just said.
“anyways it’s all settled, we’ll be posting a picture today after school” he said and was about to leave the classroom.
“one more thing,” he said, “pda is a must, therefore you’d have to give me your hand and we’d have to go hand in hand to classroom”
“just say you want to hold my hand, i’ll take that into consideration, but i’m not interested” you asked annoyed.
“you wish someone would actually want to hold your hand out of his own will” he rolled his eyes.
“you haven’t touched a single soul in your entire life”
“just shut up” he sighed.
“never as long as your annoying ass is right besides me”
he just groaned and took your hand.
“starting now” he nodded, “it’ll make everyone confuse until we reveal our relationship”
“yuck, even calling it a relationship is making me want to throw up”
“hope your stupid brain knows it’s mutual but whatever, just don’t act like that when we’re together”
walking through the hallway while everyone is whispering and glancing at you was never a problem to sunghoon, it was a big problem for you though.
you tried letting go of sunghoon’s hand to stop the whispering and glancing but he held you tighter.
“it’s okay, calm down i’m here with you” he whispered.
as much as you’d like to deny it, it made you feel somewhat safe.
however, it’s the park sunghoon we’re talking about. your worst enemy.
“is that supposed to make me feel better?” you whispered back.
“and we’re here, outside your classroom” he changed the subject and stopped right outside of your class while everyone else kept looking at the two of you.
“i’ll wait for you after class” he winked and left a peck on your forehead before leaving to his classroom.
you so wished you could wipe it off at the moment. or at least, you think.
“what the fuck did i just saw?” karina walked up to you as soon as sunghoon left.
“we have a lot to catch on” you sighed and dragged her inside the classroom.
“and you agreed?!?”
“ms. karina and ms. y/n, would you like to share to your class what were you talking about?” the teacher knocked on the desk.
“no, we’re sorry” you said quietly and the teacher went back to teaching.
“you told me to follow what my heart says!” you whispered-yelled to her.
“i didn’t think it’d say to agree to it!!” she replied back.
“well i did, and now i’m stuck with the worst person ever”
“maybe he’s not that bad”
“get out karina”
“can’t, we’re in the middle of a class” she shrugged and you groaned.
“so you’re now dating your worst ever enemy, the infamous woman in this highschool, choi y/n?!!”
“yes jake, i don’t know why it’s so surprising to you” sunghoon rolled his eyes as he took a bite from his lunch.
“surprising only to him? sunghoon, just a few days ago you called her an attention seeker bitch, now you’re telling us you’ve been dating for a few months already?” jungwon asked, concerned.
“well we did great at hiding didn’t we? our parents told us we should sign to drama classes”
“nothing here makes sense” jay shook his head.
lying to his friends about his whole relationship life? was definitely not and never will be on his list but he couldn’t care less about the list anymore.
“life doesn’t make sense, jay” sunghoon sighed, “it just happened, now i can’t stop thinking about her, it’s like i want to spend every minute with her”
“ew, not in front of my salad” riki gagged.
“although it makes no sense to me, i’m happy for you sunghoon, so proud of you for finally getting along with someone” sunoo pat his back.
“hey what do you mean by that?”
“from childhood friends to childhood enemies to lovers, that sounds like an actual pretty good story genre” heeseung crossed his arms and nodded.
“can’t believe you haven’t told me anything about it!” taesan, who for the first time in a while joined their lunch table, lightly pushed sunghoon, completely in disbelief.
“you’re right, i should’ve told you about it before” sunghoon nodded.
sunghoon’s a bad friend. a very, very bad one.
a few weeks ago he had a conversation with who he considers as his best friend, but how could he face him now after this conversation?
“hey hoon! i wanted to ask you something” taesan bit his lips, a bit anxious to start the conversation.
“yeah dude, what’s up?” he asked.
“i know you and y/n are….not on good terms, but i actually started spending some time with her and i’m really interested in her” his eyes lit up from excitement just by talking about you, “wanted to ask you if that’s okay that, you know….”
“yeah for sure! even though i hate this person with all my heart, i can’t decided on your life, can’t see how and why you’re interested in her but whatever, it’s yours” sunghoon shrugged.
“thanks sunghoon, i’m really glad i got you as my friend” taesan hugged sunghoon tightly.
sunghoon definitely knew about taesan’s little crush about you, and the day he told you that taesan has a little crush, he actually meant you.
back to today, sunghoon feels like his whole life was tearing apart.
how could he betray his friend like that? after everything taesan did to him. from helping him with studies to even paying for the things he couldn’t.
taesan shook his head and smiled weakly, “whatever makes you happy sunghoon” he said.
sunghoon was expecting him to shout at him and get mad about it, but was actually surprised he took it well somehow.
‘i’m doing this for you too’ sunghoon thought, after all, he has the perfect plan for taesan and y/n.
“thanks taesan” sunghoon hugged him tightly and pat his back as a sign for asking for forgiveness.
“that’s not gonna work, too many people are looking at us” you complained as soon as you got out of your last class for the day and noticed sunghoon who was already waiting for you outside.
“with popularity comes the consequences” he shrugged and you rolled your eyes.
“enjoy lovebirds!” jay shouted as he walked past you.
“let’s go” he extended his hand out for you to hold it but you shook your head.
“i promised taesan i’ll review his essay he wrote”
“you can do it tomorrow—“ “can’t, plus you said you’ll help me with taesan, we can go on your stupid fake date later”
sunghoon rolled his eyes and sighed, “fine, i’ll walk you to the library”
when he noticed you smiling he couldn’t help but feel that weird feeling of excitement, but then he realized you were not smiling because of him.
“hey y/n!” taesan smiled warmly at you when he noticed you, “and sunghoon” he added quietly.
“hey taesan” you called with a wider smile on your face and sunghoon nodded.
“i’ll pick you up later then” he said and walked away.
“so…you and sunghoon huh?” taesan asked.
“ugh, don’t even— i felt everyone’s eyes on me throughout the whole day” you groaned.
“you don’t seem that happy with that”
“because i’m not! i’m so tired of it already, i should’ve known not to agree to that deal”
“what deal?”
“uhhhh” you freaked out, how stupid can you actually be??
“nothing!! no deal” you giggled nervously.
“if you say so” he shrugged and opened his laptop to show you his essay.
“why dont you just tell him?” karina asked you over the phone.
“and what will i say if he asks why i agreed to the deal?”
“simple, ‘i did it because i want sunghoon to help me date you’, like that”
“sure, it’s that easy” you rolled your eyes.
“how was your first day dating sunghoon anyway?”
“he took me to get some ice cream, he actually remembers my favorite taste”
“yeah i saw on your instagram story, if i didn’t happen to know that this is all fake i’d actually believe it” she said teasingly.
“can’t believe i’m saying this but” you sighed, “he’s not that bad to hang out with”
you expected a reply from her right away but all you heard was silence.
“karina?”
“i can’t believe this conversation is not being recorded” she finally spoke.
“forget that i said tha—“ “no no no! please continue”
“well….he was actually super nice and even paid for my ice cream, even found a nice spot and brought me his jacket since it was starting to get cold” you said calmly.
“y/n”
“hm?”
“you might end up falling in love with him instead of taesan” she said and you scoffed.
“are you forgetting that he literally ruined my life?”
“i said what i said!” she argued.
eventually you ended the call and drifted off to dreamland.
“so….”
a few days passed since you revealed your (fake) relationship and today was the first day you sat with seven other people at your lunch table.
“you and sunghoo—“
“stop it”
“sunghoon and yo—“
“shut it!”
sunghoon’s friends tried to ease up the awkward situation but were shut off by you and sunghoon.
“we just think it’s weird that’s all!! it’ll pass sooner or later” jay chuckled.
“so y/n, how’s life?” riki asked.
“seriously?” sunghoon raised his brow.
“babe, it’s okay,” you almost gagged after using the nickname on sunghoon, “life’s fun, you never know which surprises awaits for you”
you raised sunghoon’s hand and showed everyone your locked hands.
“ew, don’t need to use those nicknames and act all cheesy here” jake teased.
“you wanted to meet my girlfriend didn’t you? here she is” sunghoon spoke.
that’s when it got to you. sunghoon lied to his friends about having a girlfriend! why did he choose you though? out of hundreds of students.
“you’re right” heeseung nodded, “if you already know each other so well, why don’t we ask you questions about sunghoon and you answer?”
“baby you don’t have to—“ “it’s okay, hit me with the questions”
“sunghoon’s favorite color?”
“white”
“his favorite season”
“used to be winter, it’s autumn now”
“favorite ice cream flavor?”
“um” you froze for a second.
“ah ha! got you”
“coffee”
“aw man, you suck!” riki said in disappointment after you answered all the questions correctly.
sunghoon in the meantime was busy staring at you and daydreaming.
when did you become so pretty? with your cute eyes that lit up every time you answered a question correctly, and your lips that formed into a smile when you noticed you won over his friend’s questions.
how come you remember those details about him as well?
he had tons of questions, but curse his inability to communicate well, he’ll probably leave those questions unanswered.
the only thing he does know, is that he’s scared to fall in love with you.
“babe? are you ready to go? let me walk you to the field now, you have practice”
you called him and he zoned out, for a second there he really forgot this is all fake.
the way you’d look at him and call him babe, it made him feel so weird, he had never felt like that before.
“yeah” he slightly nodded and got up.
when both of you arrived at the field he stopped in front of you and frowned.
“what if i’ll just take you on a date instead of practice?” he asked.
“sunghoon what the fuck? we’re all alone here nobody sees you, you don’t need to act all lovey dovey” you snapped back.
“right” he said, almost sounding too disappointed.
“i’ll go back now to the library, taesan’s waiting” you smiled and started walking away.
“pull yourself together sunghoon” he sighed and entered the field.
“hey” you called taesan as you saw him already sitting at your usual library desk.
“hey y/n!” he called you back excitedly.
“missed being with you after school, i went on too many dates with sunghoon lately” you sighed.
“yeah” he whispered, you could hear a bit of disappointment in his voice but he shrugged it off quickly, “hey how about instead of studying we’ll go hang out, i got pretty tired of reading today”
“sure! of course, i would love to!!” you excitedly replied.
taesan got up and held your hand, “let’s go watch some movies”
practice ended and sunghoon went straight to the library without even showering first. he couldn’t wait telling you how his friends couldn’t stop talking about you and praising your (again, fake) relationship.
he looked at the clock and it was usually around the time you and taesan would finish and get out, only this time you were nowhere to be found.
sunghoon started to freak out, what if something bad happened to you? did taesan leave you alone? what if he did something bad to you?
no, no. sunghoon was just freaking out.
he tried calling you, but your phone was turned off, you weren’t available.
he ran all the way to your home and asked your mother if she happened to see you, but got a negative answer.
“why, is she missing?” your mother asked and tried to stay calm.
“no of course not!” sunghoon awkwardly said, “we’re just playing hide and seek that’s all, i was wondering if she walked all the way here to hide in her room”
seriously sunghoon? that’s the best thing you got?
“alright, have fun!” it seemed like it made your mom believe him!
“y/n where the fuck are you?” he whispered to himself.
he decided to call taesan, “if he’s not answering i swea—“
“hey dude, what’s up?” his friend on the other line answered calmly.
“do you happen to know where y/n is?” he straightforwardly asked.
“yeah, she’s right next to me, didn’t she tell you we’re going to watch some movies?” taesan’s voice stayed calm but on the inside he was smirking.
taesan 1, sunghoon 0.
“she probably forgot or something” sunghoon giggled, “when do you plan on coming back?”
“don’t know, but don’t worry dude, i’ll make sure she gets home safely”
“yeah, okay” sunghoon said and ended the call.
“who was that?” you asked.
“your boyfriend, didn’t you tell him we’re here?”
“oh no, i forgot about it”
“yeah he was worried sick”
“i think we should head back now” you let out a sigh.
“okay, sure” he nodded and both of you got up.
you don’t know why you said it instead of staying the whole night just watching random movies with your longtime crush.
what the hell did this fake dating with sunghoon do to you?
taesan walked you until it was already safe for you to walk alone, you argued with him that it’s fine and your house was a minute away, he tried insisting but you didn’t budge.
both of you knew why you wanted to walk over to your house alone.
sunghoon 1, taesan 1.
you really tried using you muscle memory and walk to your door with your eyes closed so you won’t have to meet with—
“well who do we have here”
“i really didn’t want to see you here now” you sighed and opened your eyes.
“i was worried sick! why didn’t you just send me a text or whatever?” he spit out and you never really realized how irritating his voice is until now.
“what are you? my mom? why do i have to tell you my whereabouts?” you snapped.
“we’re dating, of course—“ “hell no we’re not, this whole thing is fake and you know it, i dont owe you shit, park”
for the first time sunghoon was stunned and speechless because of you. he did not know what to say or even process what the hell just happened. and why the fuck was he so annoyed by you going to the movies with taesan?
“if you dont have anything to say just go” you sighed and just like that he left.
you finally got inside your room and laid on your bed, thinking about your last events and how stupid it was of you to go home early because of that fucking rat who was ‘worried’ over you.
your phone buzzed and when you looked at the caller ID you smiled.
“just checking that you arrived safely”
“i’m not a five years old kid taesan,” you chuckled and got up to sit on the edge of your bed, “besides, it was a minute walk from where you left me”
“alright, was just checking if you were still alive” he giggled.
“hey taesan”
“hm?”
“let’s hang out more, i had real fun today”
“all i was just asking is for you to text me if there’s a change of plans! i was really worried because i knew i had to pick you up but you were nowhere to be seen” that is how your morning started, for the past few days it because a routine for you to have a morning and after school walk with sunghoon, and each morning you’d have a little fight.
this time, even though you hate to admit it, he’s right.
“you’re right, i should’ve told you beforehand, i just got super excited to go out with taesan so i forgot about it, besides you’re supposed to be happy for me, i’m finally getting closer to my crush” you huffed.
“thank you, and yeah, i’m super happy” he rolled his eyes and you nodded.
“another thing, heeseung’s brother is having a wedding in less than a month and we have to go there together, as a couple” he said, “after the wedding we’ll plan the break up and will part our ways”
“sounds like a plan to me” you shrugged.
“no matter what happens, please just show up to his brother’s wedding, i think heeseung already favors you so much, he always did but i always warned him not to get too close to you”
“obviously you did” you rolled your eyes, “but i will do it, for him and for his happiness”
“thank you” he said sincerely.
“wow, didnt know you could be genuine”
“just shut up and continue to walk”
two weeks passed and as much as you hate to admit it, dating sunghoon park isn’t something that bad.
you went to all kinds of ‘dates’ together, that one amusement park date was your favorite.
“no no no no! don’t go too high, y/n hold my hand tight!” he yelled on one of the roller coasters you forced him to get on, “i think i’m gonna throw up oh no, here it comes! i hate it here”
while he was busy yelling, you were busy laughing your ass off at him. he was cute, you admit.
it reminded you of that time you went to an amusement park together when you were kids, he remained the same, nothing changed.
as you got tired of the amusement park, he took you to a restaurant and both of you sat one in front of the other.
“i like it here, this place is designed so beautifully” you said.
“not as beautiful as you” he mumbled.
“hm?” you asked and he shook his head, “nothing”
“you know, it wasn’t so bad today, i really had fun” he started speaking, “reminded me of our childhood”
“yeah, i thought about that too” you nodded.
“i kinda miss it” i kinda miss you, he wanted to say, but he felt like it’d be too much.
sunghoon that day realized his strong feelings for you never left, and probably never will. your past antics were long forgotten and all he wanted was to hold you in his arms and tell you how much he loves you, and he have always had.
“i kinda miss it too” you replied and it was like an unspoken tension between the two of you.
none of you would talk after that and just walked home in silence, but it was a comforting one.
“girl, he’s super like, into you, and you’re so like, into him too” karina said after you told her about the amusement park date.
“am not! i’ve been actually going out with taesan a lot, i really really like him” you smiled.
“whatever you say girl!”
“i actually am going to hang out with taesan today, i’ll update you on everything, bye bae” you smiled and ended the call to get ready for your hangout with taesan.
an hour later he sent you a text that he’s already waiting and you got out of your house right away.
“you look, really pretty” taesan was being so stunned by your beauty that he forgot how to talk.
“thank you” you smiled, “so, where are we going?”
“a new arcade just opened and i know how much you love arcades so i just thought of testing it out”
“oh my god you really do know me so well!!” you took out your phone to text sunghoon about your whereabouts.
you became more responsible and it suddenly didn’t bother you as much to text him about it, it almost became a habit of you.
‘off to the new arcade that opened up with taesan, don’t you worry about me’ you texted him and closed your phone.
as you arrived your eyes roamed around the big arcade and suddenly you looked like a five years old child who just got their first ever vanilla ice cream.
“what are we waiting for? let’s just go!!” taesan cheered and you clapped.
after hours and hours of playing you both went to sit down by the nearest park there.
“it was so fun today, we have to do it again!” you grinned and taesan nodded.
it suddenly became so quiet and you noticed taesan was staring at you for too long.
“are you okay?”
“i know about you and sunghoon,” he spoke, “about your fake dating thing”
you were too stunned to speak.
“i heard you arguing on the same day we went to the movies, i wanted to check on you if you arrived safely but i noticed you and sunghoon talking and i couldn’t help but eavesdrop” he shrugged.
“oh” was all you could let out.
“i was actually glad to find out that this whole thing with you and sunghoon was fake”
“what do you mea—“ “i like you y/n, a lot” he cut you middle sentence and you felt so weird hearing his confession.
“oh! there you are!” before you could even respond to taesan you heard a voice calling the both of you.
you turned around and saw the one and only, park sunghoon. what was he doing here?
a few days ago taesan asked to meet up with sunghoon. he confessed to him about knowing your fake relationship and told sunghoon he was going to confess to you.
“i like y/n, a lot, you already know that” he said.
“what’s your plan?” sunghoon asked.
“asking her out after going to that new arcade” he exposed his plan, and sunghoon’s cue to stop the confession was a simple text from you about your whereabouts.
sunghoon for the second time chose to be a shitty and egoistic ass friend, and prevent his so called ‘best friend’ from confessing to you.
but of course sunghoon wouldn’t tell you all of that.
“me and y/n were planning to go on a date today! i guess she forgot” sunghoon smirked.
“cut it sunghoon, i know you’re not really dating” taesan clenched his jaw.
“doesn’t matter, i still made us a reservation for this new restaurant” sunghoon rolled his eyes and dragged you away.
you were too shocked by the whole scene that only when you arrived back to your home you realized what happened.
“did you just—” you sighed, “ruined my fucking chance with taesan?” you felt your blood starting to boil.
“what do you mean?” he asked confused.
“taesan just fucking confessed and you just fucking showed up and dragged me away, what the fuck were you thinking?” you shout.
“y/n i—“
“you what, sunghoon? want to ruin my life once again? just like you did with my painting from seventh grade and my crush from eighth grade?” you snapped.
“you seriously still hold that against me? we were in seventh grade for god’s sake!”
“and it ruined my life ever since then! did you become your family’s disappointment? because i did, oh! and funny enough, not only that seventh grade made them disappointed in me, but also my stupid crush on eighth grade that you decided to snitch on!” you looked at him in disbelief.
“what about my crush from nineth grade then, huh? not only you lied to her and told her i spread the rumors about her, you made me look like the bad guy and the other students refused to talk to me for months! you basically made everyone back away from me!”
“and rightfully so” you rolled your eyes.
“y/n, look” sunghoon ran his hands through his hair and sighed,
“save it park, i don’t want to hear from you ever again, i had a blast ignoring you for the last few years and i’ll continue having a blast if it’ll continue that way” you lied through your teeth, “we’ll only talk when necessary and cut ties after heeseung’s brother’s wedding”
“y/n” sunghoon called you again but you already walked away and entered your house.
sunghoon knows he fucked up, and he realized there were so many miscommunications between the two of you over the past few years and he didn’t know how to fix it.
meanwhile you, the minute you stepped inside your room and closed the door, you started crying.
you didn’t know how to feel with yourself. you were glad that sunghoon cut you off before you could answer taesan, because surprisingly so, you were about to reject him.
taesan is a nice guy, he really is, and he really was your longtime crush, until your old crush entered your life again.
you realized you gained back your feelings the moment sunghoon opened his mouth to genuinely talk with you, in fact, those feelings never really left.
you found yourself so focused on the way that his dimples would always show while smiling and talking to you, or the way his fangs would show up with every smile he gives you.
but you couldn’t help but let your blood boil after his whole ‘i’m not going to let y/n have another chance with someone’ show, it made you think about your past and you hated it.
the next few weeks felt normal to everyone but you, sunghoon and taesan.
you and sunghoon acted as if nothing happened between the two of you when someone you know happened to be around.
when you two were alone? hell, you won’t even shoot a glance at him.
and as for you and taesan, you told him it’d be better if the both of you would take a short break for a while, just for you to adjust everything.
sunghoon refused to let go of you so easily once again, he tried everything, calling, texting, even calling your parents to ask if you were home and maybe they can tell you to pick your constantly ringing phone up.
it all felt like a deja vu now, but not the good one. you were getting distant again and it scared him that the same thing will happen yet again.
“thank you for coming” sunghoon welcomed the person into his house.
“why are you so stressed? oh no don’t tell me you got someone pregnant”
“jay, i sometimes wonder if your last braincells are just off to go travel or something” sunghoon groaned.
“well, you seem so tense, what is it?”
sunghoon decided to tell jay everything from A to Z, they’ve been best friends for long and he feels like he can trust him wholeheartedly, plus he had to get some help from someone.
“i knew it the moment you told me both of you are dating! it felt so unreal”
“thanks a lot jay, it really helps”
“well, i think im getting a little deja vu for eighth grade”
“exactly! i don’t want this to happen again! i know i fucked up but i….” sunghoon sighed, “i’m willing to do everything as long as i won’t lose her”
“okay first of all, ew dude that’s so cringy” jay said in disgust, “second, i think you just need to give her some time, i’m sure that if you still haven’t heard about her and taesan dating, she might as well was about to reject him”
“then why would she get so angry at me? it doesn’t make sense”
“you took a whole ass opportunity from her to try and sort her things out, of course she’d be pissed”
“right”
“try to talk with karina maybe, she might help you out on this one” jay pat his friend’s shoulder, “besides, the wedding is in a few days and you told me you made her promise you to show up no matter what, it’s not like she can run away from you for long”
“i hate that you’re so right” sunghoon groaned and jay shrugged, “i’m just saying whatever comes to my mind, whenever it comes to my mind”
“what do you want, park?”
“wow you really sound like y/n now” sunghoon sighed as he saw karina looking at him uninterested, “i guess she already told you what happened”
“yes, she did” she also told me she’s scared because she actually has feelings for you, she wanted to say. but its not her place to say it anyway.
“how….is she doing?” he asked quietly.
“why do you care?”
“oh no please don’t make it harder than it already is” he mumbled under his breath.
“because, i need to talk with her, a serious conversation”
“oh no don’t tell me you caught feelings”
“how did you— nevermind, please tell her that i’ll be waiting for her, and i really want to sort things out between us” he sounded so desperate it scared karina.
“i’ll see what i can do” karina nodded and he bit his lips and smiled.
“thank you, thank you, thank you, thank—“ “i get it you can go now!”
he nodded as he got his bag and went for another practice.
“hey bae how are you doing today?” karina hugged you as she sat on your bed.
ever since your last encounter with sunghoon you started missing a few classes here and there, you didn’t really feel like going to school and seeing sunghoon anyway. that’s why karina came to check up on you.
“same as usual, i don’t know”
“i know what you’re thinking” she said and you looked at her creeped out.
“relax, it’s nothing scary” she laughed, “i just know you’re thinking about him”
“am not!” you argued.
“yeah, and i’m queen elizabeth”
you can’t stop thinking about sunghoon, she wasn’t lying really.
you realized how messed up your whole story was. you need answers from him, you need the apology you’ve been waiting to hear, the confirmation that he misses you as much as you miss him. you need to hold him tight and never let him go again.
“fine, you got me” you sighed.
you wish you’d know how to sort things out without going crazy.
“he came up to me today,” she said and your eyes sparkled, “he asked me about you, he’s been so desperate to talk with you, he looked and sounded really sincere”
“i don’t know karina, i’m not sure if i’m ready to face him without getting angry again, it’s just that whenever i see him my blood just starts to boil when i think about our past”
“that’s your problem, you refuse to let go of your past” she put her hand on your shoulder, “just let it go, and get the answers and confirmation you need from him”
you decided not to show up at school ever since your conversation with karina.
sunghoon tried checking up on you multiple times but each time you’d lie to your mother who opened the door for him and told her to tell him that you’re sick. both of you knew it was wrong.
sunghoon was going crazy, his friends couldn’t stop asking about you and about your whereabouts and he could only lie and say that you’ve got really sick and that he’s been taking care of you.
he asked karina about you again and again, until she got tired and told him everything, about your wellbeing and your health.
he was so worried for you it surprised her, he was really acting as if he’s your real boyfriend.
karina would lie if she said she didn’t confuse him as your boyfriend for a while.
“here” sunghoon handed karina a notebook.
“what’s that?” she asked.
“i took some notes on this class, give it to y/n please”
“sunghoon, i’m not some kind of—“
“i know i know you’re not a delivery guy but, i don’t know how to give it to her in any other way” he sighed.
oh the poor guy, she really pities him.
wedding day came and sunghoon was going back and forth in his room.
will you be coming? should he pick you up? you promised him! if not for him then for heeseung!
at the end, jay called him and told him it was becoming too late and he should just come without you.
sunghoon left his house with a heavy heart and empty hands, that were supposed to hold you tightly and close to him.
“hey hoon! you came!!” heeseung welcomed his friend with a hug and a big smile over his face.
“where’s y/n?” he asked.
“oh y/n, she really wanted to come but—“ “but what?” he was cut off by someone else.
when he looked over his shoulder he found you, walking over to them and putting your hands together on sunghoon’s right shoulder.
“i was getting ready and it took me too long to come, so i just told sunghoon to go away so he won’t be late because of me” you smiled and planted a kiss on sunghoon’s cheek.
“i’m so glad you came!!” heeseung smiled widely and hugged you tightly.
sunghoon was still shocked seeing you there, first you walked in, looking gorgeous than ever in the outfit you put on yourself, then you went and put your hands over his shoulder and lastly, you kiss his cheek.
he froze and zoned out for a few seconds until you waved your hands in front of him.
“let’s get in! it’s about to start” you were about to walk in but sunghoon was quick enough to pull you back to him.
he was holding your waist and pulling you closer to him.
“first, you walk in here, looking prettier than any other person here, no offense to the bride, then you smile and kiss my cheeks. i don’t understand, what’s happening?” he asked, his face is closer than ever to yours.
“i don’t want to open it up now—“ “if not now then when?”
you sighed and closed your eyes.
“i only have one question”
“shoot”
“did you really regret what you did back then?”
“of course i did, i still do” he reached your hand to hold it, “look at where it got us”
“why did you ruin my chance with my crush back then?”
“you said only one question”
“okay so maybe now i have more”
“i did it,” sunghoon stayed quiet for a second, is this the right time to confess? “because i really liked you, and i still do” fuck it.
“when we started to fake dating i realized those feelings never left, everytime i look at you i just cant help it but smile, i think it’s way beyond just ‘like you’, i love you y/n” he let go of his hold on your waist and held both of your hands in his.
you stopped breathing for a second as you tried to process what you just heard.
“park sunghoon” you whispered and he hummed.
“i’m here baby”
“i hate you” you said and sunghoon could swear his heart dropped.
“i hate you for making me hate you so much to the point it ruined our friendship for so long” you continued, “you could’ve confessed your feelings and we could’ve been the best highschool couple by now”
sunghoon furrowed his eyebrows, he got so confused by your words.
“if you still didn’t get it, i happen to love you too, you dumbass” you laughed.
without giving you a warning he pulled you into a kiss with a big grin on his face.
it was a desperate kiss, as if he was waiting to do this for so long. both of you didn’t want to part away but you did eventually because of the lack of oxygen.
“i can’t believe we fucked this up because of this stupid painting in seventh grade” that was the first thing he said afterwards.
“you fucked this up and it’s not just a stupid painting!!” you argued and he laughed as he hugged you tightly.
“i’m joking, i’m really sorry for that, and for the crush thing in eighth grade too” he grinned, “but he was just not good for you, you had me the whole time and still wanted him”
you kissed him again and smiled.
“i was too blind i guess”
“can you two cut it off lovebirds? the wedding is about to start” both of you turned your heads and saw annoyed jay standing in front of you.
“sorry! coming” both of you said at the same time.
as you sat one next to each other, sunghoon interlocked your fingers together.
“hey” he whispered and you hummed.
“hearing ‘i love you’ from you really warmed my heart” he smiled, “just letting you know”
“oh really?” you asked and he nodded.
“i love you” you kissed his cheek.
“i’ll keep saying this until you’ll get tired of it”
“which is basically never”
jay groaned and turned to look at the both of you “can you please just stop being so lovey dovey oh my god”
“you were exactly like that on your first days with your girlfriend stop being such an attention seeker” jake rolled his eyes and jay hit him.
“shhhh!! why don’t we just pay attention to heeseung that’s crying right there?”
“just took a picture! will definitely use it to blackmail him!”
“poor little thing only wanted to get emotional in his brother’s wedding”
“soon to be us at sunghoon’s and y/n’s wedding”
and they lived happily ever after! i mean, as much as you can when you have those six people as your friends and karina’s nonstop questions about future kids.
PERM TAG-LIST ; @sungwhoonz @ohdudehesflirting @unlikelysublimekryptonite @deobiis @manooffline @miumiuoi @in-somnias-world @lovelovelovebts @filmofhybe @wonbinsnovia @daegutowns @aurumiee @soobywon @dhriti-stories @ariadores @firstclassjaylee @watamotee33 @moons-v @s00buwu @hoonheepretty @jjeoni-7 @dimplewonie (bold means cannot be tagged)
#enhypen imagines#enhypen drabbles#enhypen reactions#enhypen scenarios#enhypen fluff#sunghoon drabbles#sunghoon imagines#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon scenarios#sunghoon fluff#sunghoon angst
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Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?
Pairing: None
Summary: Being a woman in F1 has it's challenges, especially when you are constantly seen as a threat
A/n: McLaren history revision, actually, a lot of it might not make complete logical sense, just ignore that. i’m not great at angst
requests open masterlist ttpd masterlist
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You've scared everyone in the F1 world since you started driving in 2014 for McLaren, more dominant than Max Verstappen, the only driver other than Lewis Hamilton to challenge you. Your aggressive driving style and ability to get the most out of your car has lead you to three championships. Men don’t like that.
You are in a bit of a slump this year after moving to Mercedes, not having won one of the first three races, but you are poised for attack, ready to take your place at the top.
“Daddy, who’s that?” you hear a little girl ask as you walk to the paddock.
“Y/n L/n, we don’t like her,” his fragile masculinity practically yells the comment into your ears. With a smirk you look at the pair, walking over and bending to the little girls level.
“What’s your name?” you ask, your voice bordering on being sickly sweet.
“Sarah,” she squeaks, eyes wide with fascination. You remove your team hat and pull out a sharpie from your pocket, signing your hat.
“Don’t let any man tell you you can’t be better than the boys. You can do anything, you’re a girl,” you smile, putting the hat on her head. You wave over your assistant. “Get her sizes and buy her some team gear, charge it to me,” you tell the assistant, who eagerly nods. Of course, the F1 social team caught the incident and posted it.
“Y/n! How does it feel to be in a slump, as some are calling it? Some fans are even calling you washed. Quite sad isn’t it,” one reporter asks.
“You guys keep saying I am in a slump, or I’m being replaced by younger drivers. My bare hands paved their paths, you don’t get to tell me about sad. If you wanted my career to be dead so bad, you should’ve just said so,” you roll your eyes. Nothing makes you feel more alive than driving, but annoying the media is a close second.
“What about your move to Mercedes next year? Why switch?” another reporter asks. Couldn’t you just get to your motorhome without being hounded by reporters for once?
“It was a mutual decision, it was time for us to part,” you walk away, reflecting on the last few months.
You hadn’t planned your exit from McLaren to Mercedes, the scandal regarding your exit being contained by NDAs. You had punched one of the engineers who made a sexist joke at your expense. You promptly decided you didn’t want to be there anymore, especially when they didn’t fire the engineer.
“I feel bad that this is how it has to happen,” Zak said at the end of last season.
“You don’t get to tell me you feel bad, if you actually did he would’ve been fired and I wouldn’t have to leave,” You told him, visibly upset.
“It was one joke and he was reprimanded. You don’t have to leave,” Zak says, you sharply inhale.
“It wasn’t one joke. It had been ongoing for years, it’s a wonder it took me this long to break. What did you want me to do? Laugh until I cry?” you asked Zak, who seemed shocked.
“Then I truly am sorry, I’ll launch an investigation to see why it wasn’t reported to me before. You will have always have a friend here,” Zak tells you, a small comfort.
“Thank you,” you give him a small smile. You spend the whole offseason steeling yourself and working to be the best driver you can be. You stayed longer at the gym and sent more time on the sim.
“Y/n, are you okay?” Daniel asked one day over a glass of wine, he’s known you since you both were karting, and he’s watched you spiral the past few years. Daniel is your best, and one your few friends.
“It’s so hard being a woman in F1. I am a completely different person than I was before I joined,” Daniel doesn’t comment, he knows you felt like a caged animal so you acted like one.
“Why did you leave McLaren?” Daniel asks, knowing you wouldn’t leave unless there was a good reason.
“I signed an NDA, so you can’t share any of this. After I started at McLaren, an engineer was hired who would say sexist remarks all the time. Over time I stopped being nice and just got mean back, and I finally snapped. I gave him a nice right hook to his face,” you sip the wine, giving the shortened version. “Zak didn’t know, no one had reported the engineers behavior, so we signed NDAs and I left.”
“I’m sorry, That plus the media circus of being a woman in F1 can’t be easy,” Daniel sympathizes.
“That’s why I forced myself to be like this. If I can make myself seem untouchable, it doesn’t hurt as much. Being the villain is easier,” you tell him.
“So how will you approach Mercedes?” Daniel keeps you talking, knowing you need a good trauma dump.
��Lay low for the first couple weeks, let the drivers think they took out my claws, hung me to dry. It won’t be enough to ruin my season, but enough to catch them off guard. During the fourth or fifth race, I’ll leap from my gallows and crash their party, exposing the sexism within Formula One,” you smirk.
“The old ‘who’s afraid of little old me’ tactic,” he smiles, enjoying your plan.
“They should be afraid,” you say, explaining your interview with Suzie that is going to break the internet, after all, the NDA only kept you from talking about the punch.
Just like you predicted, the media and fans were divided. Some called for a public apology from McLaren and the FIA for the treatment of female drivers, most called you over dramatic, and said you only wanted to attention to distract from your poor performance and waning stardom. They said not everything is about you and the people who hurt you didn’t do it to hurt you.
You wanted nothing more than to argue back and show the media and fans just how disturbed they had made you, but Toto told you to let your driving do the talking. That race you said one thing to the media, “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.”
“Chills, your interview was phenomenal. Thanks for citing me as one of your biggest supporters by the way. Scooch over, let’s see what insecure men are tweeting,” Daniel hands you a glass of wine and sits beside you on your couch, air playing his phone screen.
“I like that one, I’m always drunk on my own tears,” you laugh. Daniel logged into his spam account, letting himself reply to the haters.
“I like this one. Y/n L/n is the kind of person to sue you for stepping on her lawn,” Daniel laughs.
“The reply is better: she’s fearsome, wretched, and most importantly, wrong,” you both think of a funny reply.
You show up to the track and win, and win, and win, until you are holding the trophy for your fourth world championship.
In your post-championship interview with the F1 media team, you make what may be your biggest announcement yet.
“In the wake of people calling me crazy after sharing my experiences as a woman in motorsport, I’d like to make a very special announcement. I am who I am because you trained me to be like this, so to make sure no other girl has to go through what I did, I will be sponsoring two F1 Academy drivers with added mentorship and sponsorship opportunities. I’ve seen the work that Susie Wolff has done, and I cannot wait to help grow the presence of women in motorsport,” you say, sitting beside Susie.
“We will make sure she doesn’t terrorize the girls too much,” she jokes at your request.
“Who’s afraid of little old me?”
#f1 imagines#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#daniel ricciardo#the tourtured poets department#who’s afraid of little old me#f1 x female driver
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Will I ever know what it feels to hold you close?
Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader
Gender :Fluff fluff fluff
Warnings:I don't think so
Summary:You and Mel meet on a dating app, but due to a bug in the app, you match even though you live many miles apart.
Author's note: Special fic for @neverfindmegone ♥️ for her birthday!
I hope you like this, I wanted to make it the most special possible for you to make you feel as special as you made me feel last week for my birthday, but it was a little bit hard to capture your soul and heart in just a fic, thank you for everything you do for me. Happy birthday sweetheart and enjoy. Cherry!
You were staring at the giant mirror against the wall, your foot was tapping on the floor, your stomach felt like it wanted to come out of your mouth, you've never looked so beautiful and felt so nervous and decomposed at the same time. Your cell phone that was on the dresser rang warning that you had a notification, with trembling hands you took it and smiled when you saw who sent the message
-♠️ MyMissPoker ♥️: "Hello my love, I'm dying to see you, I miss you so much... I hope in a day like this you can feel how much I love you even when I'm not there"-Melissa had sent you a message that immediately calmed your nerves and you couldn't help but remember with happiness how you came to know each other years ago, through a first message like this...
You remembered how you got to talk to each other 5 years ago
You were having lunch at work when your cell phone vibrated with a notification, confused you grabbed your cell phone while the others were talking to each other.
"Miss Poker has sent you a message" the notification said
-MissPoker: "Hello, I love the pictures you have posted, you have talent, and those little poems were pure perfection"-The message read and you frowned. Not long ago, you had downloaded a dating app as your friends had insisted because it had been a while since you had dated anyone. You agreed to do it, but if they let you choose which app it would be. In the end you signed up for one that was very anonymous, the only thing you entered was some personal interests and some photos of things you liked next to a alias, you didn't enter your real name or photos of yourself, and the app showed you people with the same interest that were close by.
The truth is that you had signed up for that one because you thought that no one would talk to you with the photos you had posted, that's why you had been so surprised to receive a notification on your cell phone. It was true that you had uploaded some pictures of the things you painted in your spare time, but you never thought that anyone would like it.
You carefully opened the profile of the person who had spoken to you, in her photos you could see a dog, a photo of some books, another of a baseball field, some cooking pictures, a dance hall and some pictures of the moon.
Curious, you decided to open the messages and answer her
-Littlechef(you):"Thank you...nice pictures too, I'm guessing you like cooking?" - You asked softly laughing about the silly interaction
-MissPoker:"Yes, I looove cooking. You too? Or you have that name in honor or ratatouille?" - The woman answered and you laughed looking at your phone
-Littlechef:"I'm a chef actually..."-You replied a little nervously, not knowing why
-MissPoker:"Isn't the funny thing about this app the anonymous part?.. But since you told me what you do for a living I'll tell you what I do too, I'm an elementary school teacher, the best in the whole school" - The woman replied and you stared at the message for a few seconds
-Littlechef: "the funny thing about this is get to know each other without knowing how we look and let ourselves influence by it... How we will get to know each other if we don't talk about ourselves?" - You replied and she sent a laughing emoji
-MissPoker: "you got me there... I'm Melissa btw, nice to meet you" - she replied and you wondered if it would be right to give your name to a complete stranger, but it was what you first did when you met someone in person, so you thought it wouldn't hurt to do it here
-Littlechef: "I'm (Y/N), nice to meet you too" - You replied without having the slightest idea how important a complete stranger would become to you.
From that day forward the conversation began to flow, from casual conversations to deeper ones, and there was no longer a day when you didn't talk to her.
You also remembered those first feelings for her even if you denied at the moment
Her notifications made you let out that silly laugh every time, like a child does when he gets into some mischief. You were always checking your phone. Her notification brightened your day in a surprising way and made you happy how easy everything was with her, there was always a topic of conversation and she always knew what to say when you got quiet. She was amazing.
Just talking to her made you feel a warmth in your soul that you didn't really know how to handle, to be honest it scared you a little, you had been hurt before and you had sworn to avoid relationships at least for a while, but everything was so perfect that it was hard not to feel something for her even when you haven't seen her face yet. Her way of being was the perfect compliment for you.
You remembered the first time you saw how she was
One day you decided it was time to forget the anonymous part and put a face to the name, so you exchanged photos. You were really nervous about that, what if she thought you were ugly? You knew she was older and that didn't bother you, that even turn you on a little bit, but what if she wasn't what you expected?.. You were so nervous and scared for the unknown but at the same time so thrilled to finally see her... So you each send 3 pictures to each other.
If you had fallen in love with her personality, her face was something else and made you fall even more, she was perfection itself. For God's sake, what a beautiful woman, her hair with those soft curls, her beautiful smile, her eyes shining in a particular way that made you feel warmth and peace, and her sharp cheeks looked like they had been formed by an artist with a chisel. If we are the creation of a God, she was his masterpiece, pure perfection. And let's not talk about her body and the things it made you feel...
She told you repeatedly how beautiful you were too, but you felt like a worm every time you saw her pictures again. You were so lucky.
Also, after the photos, you exchanged numbers too and you immediately deleted the dating app. Your heart was already hers even if you didn't knew at that moment.
You also remembered your first sad moment together
One particular day, you shared a picture of a place where you were painting, you had finished work and went to a particular place you liked to eat something and paint a little. You and Mel had been talking about meeting in person, but that day everything changed and your hopes fade a little. When she asked what you were doing, you told her and decided to send a picture of the place and what you were creating . You never expect Mel's answer
-"You don't live in Phily?"-Her comment left you a little bit lost and confused. The app was supposed to connect you with people who were close to you, but something went wrong and somehow you and Mel were able to see each other's profile even though you lived veeery far away.
You had never thought about it, you had both assumed you lived nearby but you were wrong. That day you both wondered if it made sense to keep talking and making plans to meet each other if you lived so far away, but after much consideration, you decided to see where all this was going despite the distance and kept talking.
Thank goodness you decided to do it, because fate had big plans for you. Love knows no distances and would continue to grow until your heart and hers came together.
You also remembered the ways in which she was always present even when she was far away
You decided to call her, you were about to have a panic attack, your country wasn't very stable and your job was laying off people because it wasn't enough to pay everyone. Mel listened patiently to all your fears and worries
-"What if I'm next? One of my friends was laid off and she had been there longer than me. I really like this job and I don't want to lose it, Mel. I don't know if I have the good qualities to find another one. I'm really scared" - You commented to the redhead while you were crying, while it hurt her to see you like this, she wouldn't let you be sad for long and she wouldn't let you alone on this
-"Hey Hon... Breath please... Let's not get ahead of ourselves, you're an incredible worker, you do everything in that place, I've seen how many amazing things you do, you're worth a lot and I don't think you'll be taken out. And if they do, you'll get a job in no time, you've got incredible talent in the kitchen and doing so many other things, you've got a good time of experience and that helps for a new job, you'll do well and I will be here to help you... But again, let's focus on the present, you still have work, stay focused on that, nothing bad will happen, Okey?"-The redhead whispered, and you nodded a little more calmly when you heard her voice, even if it was on the phone.
In the end she was right, the layoffs stopped and you even got a raise. Like that occasion, she was helping you through every difficult moment.
You remember all the things she did to be present for you even on the distance
Mel figured out how to use her cards to deliver food or snacks you liked.
She also learned how to play some games that you showed her to play with you, it was very funny to hear her insult while you played war games against other people, you almost every time won at uno.
Sometimes you would make video calls and watch movies together even at a distance.
And every night she would call you and tell you things about her day until you fell asleep together.
Every step you took there was her holding your hand and encouraging you, helping you to become a better version of yourself.
You even introduced her to some of your friends via video call and she did the same, so you met Barbara, Janine and Jacob.
One day the two of you decided to formalize things when you noticed how the talks were no longer just a talk of friends, but of something more. Mel wasn't one to believe in long-distance relationships, but somehow everything was working out better than expected.
Time passed with countless calls, photos, videos, sexual calls, and many many messages and audios.
Every once in a while you would send her a package of things for her and she would buy you things too.
There were days when you missed her presence even when you'd never really had her around, she always said that she was right there with you, but that didn't made the distance easier. It's weird to explain, but you can miss someone you've never meet.
You remembered how after months of missing her, the two of you finally met for the first time
When your work and hers allowed it, you agreed to travel to the same place to meet in person, she traveled with Barbara and you with your best friend.
The first hug, that first hug was something that was etched in your memory. You waited for her at the airport because you got there first, when she finally saw you she dropped everything and hugs you so tightly, no a word was shared, but you remember how everything was said in silence. Her hands fit perfectly in the hollow of your back, your height fit perfectly with hers, her perfume was the richest thing you have ever smelled in your life and finally your heart felt at peace.
You spent a week together, having amazing sex, walking, cuddling, taking the opportunity to sleep and bathe together, creating memories and making plans for the future, you even stole a pair of shirts to take home and have her smell close.
That was the first of many trips, every time you had the opportunity you got together to see each other even for a few days.
Your soul craved her in a way that never happened before to you.
Back to the present
A sigh left your lips as you remembered all those things, thousands of things had happened in between those years, even some arguments, but everything was fixed and you stayed together through all. Remembering all of that, remembering how you are able to feel Mel's love in everything she did from day one, made you cry lost in your mind and memories, missing her and feeling sad for some reason.
The sound of a new notification took you out of your thoughts and with your trembling hands you wiped your tears a little and picked up your cell phone
-♠️ MyMissPoker ♥️: "Hey sweetheart, is everything okay?.."-Mel sent you the first message many minutes ago, but when you started to remind everything that had happened over the years, you had forgotten to answer her and she got worried
-You: "no... I miss you, I need you here, I don't want you to be far away specially in a day like this" - You answered and she immediately called you, as soon as you answered she could hear your soft sobs
-"Baby, what happened?" - The redhead asked very worriedly-"I'm here, why are you crying? Are you having second thoughts? Did I do something wrong?"-You sighed trying to calm your crying and be able to answer
-"you are perfect, but I need you, I need you to feel you close" - You whispered in a weak voice
-"I'll go there right now, I'm just a few blocks away and I'm mostly ready, wait for me" - Mel answered and you heard her take her keys and her sister screamed in the background for her to come back
-"But it's bad luck to see each other before the wedding" - You whispered
-"It's also bad luck that one of the brides is crying of sadness in their special day... Besides, we have been apart too much time already, God will understand..."-she joked and you sobbed and laughed at the same time
-"Your sister will kill you" - You whispered laughing when you heard the screams
-"We will figure something out, wait for me, I'm coming. I love you"-She responded quickly, and you heard her sister get in the car with her
-"I love you more" - You answered and waited for her to arrive. After a few minutes you felt a soft knock on the door and then Mel's sister came in with a blindfold for your eyes and another for the redhead, so you and Mel could be together without seeing each other and without the bad luck.
Seconds after putting on the blindfold you felt how arms hugged your waist, you immediately hugged her again hiding in her neck letting out a sigh that you didn't know you were holding. You could tell she was almost ready because her dress was pressed against you and her hair was up. You finally felt safe again
-"Thank you for coming...I missed you" - You whispered and held her tighter hiding as much as possible in the crook of her neck
-"I missed you too... For a second I got scared that you were having second thoughts... I love you so much, I'm sure you are gorgeous right now" - The redhead kissed your forehead and held you until you calmed down completely, even though you couldn't see her, she was filling all your senses and that was all you need it to feel better. After a few minutes she kissed you forehead again-"Ready?" - She asked and you nodded while still hugging her
-"Ready...I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together" - You whispered kissing her
-"I'll waiting for you" - She answered and you let her go to finish arranging the last details to be perfect on your most special day, your wedding and the beginning of a live together.
#melissa schemmenti smut#melissa ann schemmenti#melissa schemmenti x you#melissa schemmenti fanfic#abbott elementary#lisa ann walter#abbott elementary fanfic#abott elementary#abott elementary fanfic#lissa ann walter#lesbian#lisa ann walter fanfic#pinkthrone445#abbot elementary#melissa schemmenti abott elementary
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Just want to say thank you so much for your guys love and support on this series. I genuinely appreciate it. My request box is open and empty and I love getting requests, whether it’s AUs or something else. If you want to be tagged let me know.
Milena knocks on your old apartment door. No answer. She knocks again and still no answer. This was ridiculous, what was the point of this? You’re just some tagger running with some men doing who knows what. Honestly she wants to be going over more of the land deals and getting home and health inspectors into that neighbourhood as soon as possible. More evictions more chances to rebuild.
Milena turns to walk away when she sees you, stopping her in her tracks. You have your bag over your shoulder, wearing a hoodie with a leather jacket overtop. You’re wearing a cap you “borrowed” from Kyle, old jeans and gloves. Of course you also had your scarf on.
If you didn’t know who Milena really was you would be wondering why she’s here, but you have some guesses. Before approaching her you noticed her approaching your building. You’d caught a photo and asked for instructions from your friends. You have a small group chat with them but Price and Ghost were busy doing other stuff. So Kyle and Johnny were left to take charge. Kyle suggested hiding and waiting until she left. Johnny said to see what she wants.
Y/N: what do I say if she sees me?
K: Be nice.
J: mess with her!
The texts came at the same time. Then Johnny sent another.
J: Record it too!
Your phone is recording audio, as you simply stand there waiting for the socialite to start talking.
“Sorry do you know who lives here?” She asks you.
“Yep.” You say. There’s a pause as you just stare at her.
“Um, is the landlord here today? I need to talk to him about this apartment. I was told it’s going up for sale.”
“No it‘s not and no you weren’t.” You say with a slight smirk.
“I’m sorry?” She asks sounding irritated.
“Do you want to take a look around? Seriously it ain’t impressive.” You say walking up to her casually and unlocking the door. She steps back as if you were dog rushing up to bark at her. You step inside and hold the door open for her.
“Still occupied, sorry. But it’s the same as every other apartment if you’re interested in moving in. Come in I don’t mind.” You leave the view of the door frame and go to the kitchen, setting your bag down in the corner. Milena can do plenty, but this is your own personal turf.
“Want a drink?” You ask, opening the fridge, and your garbage. Good thing you stopped by to grab stuff, the last thing you want is a mushroom farm in your fridge.
“Coffee or something stronger.” she says, absently surveying your unit.
“Uh… sorry don’t really have… cider okay?” You ask tossing another expired container into the bin.
“It’ll do.” She says, sitting in one of the chairs in the living room as if it were her own office. You shrug it off and get her a can of cider. Oh shit you forgot you had those. Definitely need to take those back with you for a personal pleasure. Hopefully none of them liked popping boba.
“So uh…” you start as you close the fridge. “You trying to evict me? Like the homes down in the south east neighbourhood?”
Milena looks up at you with wild eyes as you hand her the drink as if you found her diary.
“I don’t know what you mean.” She says taking the drink, eyeing the tab.
“New manicure? Here.” You take the drink from her and open it. “So what’s up.”
“I came to give you an invitation to a party.” She says offering you an envelope. You take it and look it over before looking at her.
“How old are you?” You ask.
“Excuse me?” She says offended. Damn she was easy.
“Milena Romanova, realtor and socialite. You make a lot of money in real estate and land deals. Land deals that don’t land the same money you do. Must be good.” Milena looks ticked.
“Now you’re funding the police, making friendly donations and spending time with the chief commissioner.”
“What are y-“
“Just making small talk. A couple guys I know from the precinct told me you guys are dating.” You say reclining on your old sofa, as if it were a throne. Milena doesn’t know what to make of you. You are certainly…different.
“My love life is my own.” Milena states. You shrug. “The invitation is for an event, inviting a few large names from the city. I understand you’re an aspiring artist.”
“Something like that.” You admit. Hopefully she hadn’t seen your most recent work. It may or may not have involved her posing on houses with… unmentionables spilling out the windows.
“I believe this could be a great opportunity for you. I know plenty of large names and often have art showcased at open houses.”
“Not sure I have the money to afford a nice outfit.” You say.
“If you’d like I could buy a couple of your pieces to cover costs. Of course it’s your choice.” She offers. She stands without you giving an answer, and leaving the open untouched can of cider on the coffee table along with the invitation.
“I have places to be. I hope to see you there.” She says going to the door. Milena steps out but turns to address you.
“I should mention, the chief commissioner has been looking for you. I think he’d like to get to know you more. If you don’t mind I’ll let him know where he can find you.” And without another word, she shuts the door. The room is silent. All you hear is the sound of the carbonation from Milena’s open cider. You take the cider and take a swig before getting to work.
Then you hear a noise from one of the rooms. You keep your phone recording, and go to your bag taking out your gun. You keep it pointed to the ground as you get closer to the closed door. You put a hand on the knob before shoving it open aiming the gun at the intruder.
“You mother fucker!” You shout.
“I can explain.” Graves says.
“Like hell you can.” You say. “Also my bedroom, seriously? This is a whole new level of creepy.”
“Thank you I try.” Graves puts sarcastically. “I came to leave you a note, I assumed you’d return. I wanted to warn you about Makarov but… you just had tea time with Milena.”
“Hardly tea time, she didn’t drink anything.” You say. “She follow you?”
“I hope not. Just in case don’t leave for a few hours.” Graves says. You nod understanding. “Stupid question but why are you here?”
“Came to pick up extra stuff.” You say going around him and getting the duffle bag from your closet. You start packing, and your hoodie sleeve slides up again. Graves notices.
“Who grabbed you… or are you and the boys of the 141 getting clo-“ Graves stops the question after you glare at him. “Teasing.”
“…Nolan grabbed me. I don’t know his last name.” You admit. You haven’t told anyone else.
“Does Price know?” He asks. You shrug and focus on packing extra clothes, before going to the bathroom to grab some extra supplies. Graves is quiet.
“You gonna go to the party?” He asks.
“Haven’t decided.” You say.
“Let me know if you want a ride.” He offers. “Take it Milena hasn’t seen your recent work. Hoo boy that’s some slander.”
You look at him, incredulous. “You saw nothing.”
“I saw works of art, and have no clue where they came from.” Graves says raising his hands. You smile a little but he doesn’t get to see it.
“How are you doing?” Graves asks. “You eating okay? Sleeping well?”
“The guys take good care of me.” You say coming back to the bag with a couple of items. You look around the room to see if you’re missing anything else.
“He’s getting close.” Graves says. “Makarov keeps asking me about you, and I’m giving him what I can without putting either of us at risk.”
“I need a favour.” You admit. Graves raises an eyebrow. “There’s a raid planned. The… a gang went to the docks a while ago trying to take down a drug shipment, but the drugs were protected. I know when the next raid will happen, and if you’re there you can look further into it.”
Graves stands there, admittedly surprised. You were giving him a lead, one to Makarov sure, but one that could get the others in shit.
“Send a tip to the station, make sure it comes to me and only me ya got that.” He instructs. You nod.
“Thank you.” You say. Graves gives a nod, and it’s an awkward silence. Graves looks at your wrist again.
“He grab you anywhere else?” He asks calmly. You rub your arm, and Graves sighs. Without warning he holds your shoulders, before pulling you into a hug. It’s oddly nice. A comfort. You can’t talk to Graves much but right now, you feel like you could spill your guts and he would listen.
“You stay safe kiddo.” He says quietly, not expecting you to hear it. You do. And you just squeeze a little tighter. He lets you go, looking down at you. Graves is about to say something but stops himself.
“Chill here, call a ride, go home.” He says. You nod and after a final good bye he walks out into the night.
Milena came over to Makarov’s home, greeting him with a kind smile.
“They’re all sent out?” He asks.
“Of course.” She says.
“Now we wait.” Makarov says. “The pieces will fall where they need to.”
Taglist: @yourlovely-moon @kaoyamamegami @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @sans-chara @1mommyrose4ever29 @tai-the-gemini @yuki2129 @whitetiger846 @graystorm444 @chibiduck @reaperxxxxzz @danielle143 @sobbingnshtting @cringeycookies @cryingpages @smitten-haematite-quartz @dcnocap207
#kyle gaz garrick#john soap mactavish#cod au#task force 141 x reader#gangster au#cod gangster au#milena romanova#vladimir makarov#phillip graves#gangster#gn reader#gender neutral reader#task force 141#task force x reader#simon ghost riley#captain john price#call of duty au
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A/N: Back again with another chapter, I have a playlist if you guys are interested! If you wanna be tagged in the next chapter let me know! Also unsure if if this will have the upside down cause I feel like it's hard with Jovie. Taglist is open!
Eddie Munson x Mom! Reader.
TW: Children
Chapter 2
When Eddie awoke, he noted the missing weight on his chest but wasn’t concerned figuring her mother had taken her from him sometime in the night, or at this point: morning.
He didn’t hear the quiet padding on the carpet as Jovie made her way back to him. Eddie had easily become her next favorite person. He was something new, she liked new.
She stared at him as Eddie lay with his eyes still closed. “Leave him be Jovie,” y/n said softly, careful to not wake Eddie who unbeknownst to her was already awake.
“Mama, make breakfast?” The tiny being asked, not at all quiet. Eddie heard y/n snort and found it to be the most adorable sound. She answered the child too quietly for Eddie’s ears to pick up but heard them or at least y/n retreat into the kitchen.
“Dude get up,” Mike said nudging Eddie’s feet. Eddie quickly flipped off the wheeler boy and opened his eyes, wincing when the light hit them. Mike was flipping Eddie off as he sat up. “Very nice Wheeler,” Eddie says rolling eyes.
Jovie gasped as she heard his voice, and padded her way over to him leaving her mother in the kitchen. “Like breakfast?” She asked him, grabbing his attention with her broken speech.
He smiled at her. Taking in her pigtails and almost too-long tee. “Oh man I love breakfast” Eddie wasn’t sure where this came from: The sudden knowledge of how to say things to the tiny being.
Jovie held out her hand, and Eddie offered his much larger one. Her small hand wrapped around just two of his fingers and pulled on him. This action only barely jerked his arm instead of pulling him up like she had planned.
Eddie stood, letting her lead the way. Y/n stood at the counter whisking what looked to be eggs with a fork in a large porcelain blue bowl. "Help yourselves" she spoke not looking up from her task of whisking.
Eddie grabbed a plate and made one for Jovie seeing as the other teens were piling food on their own plates, not bothering to leave enough for the child. Once he piled food onto her plate he then stared at the plastic baby blue highchair. "How the f-" he stopped himself short, "How does she get in this thing" he asked, terrified to break the foreign technology.
y/n came and slipped the child in as if it were nothing then just resumed making breakfast for the ravenous teen boys. "Thank you for feeding her" She offered Eddie a smile that sent a fuzzy feeling into his stomach.
"She probably wouldn't get to eat otherwise" Eddie joked, y/n laughed. He prayed to any god that she wouldn’t see the blush that spread across his face.
“You’re probably right” she smiled. Her smile quickly faltered as she concentrated, mind mulling over her next words. Her lips pursed as she spoke, “I have an extra ticket to go see this band, would you consider going?” He blinks, taken aback but she just continues before he can speak “My friend flaked and you look like you would enjoy Crusader”
“Wait, you have tickets to see Crusader?” He asks, more in awe that she even knew who Crusader was, she definitely wasn’t that type of girl, at least he thought she wasn’t.
“Yes, I just asked you to go with me” she shot back. Even her sarcasm was attractive to him, “can you hear under all that hair?” This was a tease, one that got him to smile.
“When is it?” He asked. He then learned it was Saturday at seven. He felt like this was an easy decision. Eddie had been dying to see this band. "Works for me"
They talked details, deciding y/n was going to drive. She’d also pick him up being as she would already be out dropping Jovie off with the babysitter. Eddie was very excited for this Saturday.
-
“Hey, are you ready to have some fun?” Steve asked the tiny girl who stood in front of him unamused at his overly excited tone. He glances up at y/n and says, “tough crowd”
The joke caused a snort to sound from y/n. “I don't know how fun she’ll be, she didn’t sleep well.” Steve offers a sympathetic smile and holds out hands to pick up the tiny human.
Jovie waddles her way into his arms, he squeezes her to him and lifts her into the air. Steve’s careful to sling her on his hip. Once she was settled he held his free arm out for the diaper bag. Which y/n placed on his shoulder.
“Have fun, y/n, you deserve it” he says, offering her a small smile while bouncing the child on his hip.
“I’ll see you tomorrow” she said to both Steve and her child but going to give her child a kiss on the cheek. “Bye Steve!” She called as she walked out the door and to her car.
She sat a moment in the car contemplating this excursion. Y/n did not want to be away from her baby, in fact this was the first time she’d be leaving her. It was not sitting well.
Y/n turned the key, igniting the ignition and back out of the parking spot. If only she hadn’t promised Eddie a ticket. She’d turn right back around.
The drive to pick up Eddie was short, he had waited on her at the edge of the road. Not wanting the embarrassment of her seeing where he lived, though he guessed everyone knew.
“Hey!” She beamed as he got into the passenger side of the car. “You excited?”
“Hell yeah!” He was beyond excited. This band was a local legend. He aspired to follow in their footsteps. “Let’s go” Pulling off the side of the road, they began their journey.
Chapter 3
#eddie munson x reader#eddie stranger things#eddie munson#eddie x reader#steve x eddie#smut#steve harrington#steve and dustin#dustineddie#dustin henderson#eddie x you#eddie x fem!reader#henderson!sister#henderson!reader#will byers#eddie munson x fem!reader smut#eddie munson x y/n#nancy wheeler#robin buckley#lucas sinclair#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson smut
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i want to give whitney the pure a small kiss on the head, he deserves it -prarie anon
thank YOU!!!!!! im sure he appreciates it very much
#prairie anon#WAAAH!!! prairie anon!!!!! :) im assuming youre the one who sent the other asks :) thank you for sending another one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also you all couldnt imagine how wrong it feels to draw whitney like this#if he was just a TINY bit different he would look exactly like one of my ocs. it makes me nervous.#if my oc is listening to this remember youre my number one. i swear#also guys we cant keep doing this if we keep going with this personality swap dol thing im going to have to make a tag and that means#i have to actually call it something#asks#whitney the pure#just so it stays out of the main tags#my art#ill go retag the other ones too#you all should send me more asks for no apparent reason#sorry i havent been making new designs recently im stuck. also busy. also . yknow#so ill do that soon but aaarrghh graaah
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Someones description after they "Like" one of my NO R.B.s posts: "Stop vetting all your 'Likes' ffs!1!"
ME: "No, sorry, you're violating boundaries I set hard since a LONG time ago where I said I'd block people who try to complain about people like me doing this, and I'm still blocking you until you interact with something that doesn't make me have to see that kind of description or vagueing!"
#koushirouizumi no rb#koushirouizumi no rb posts#koushirouizumi blog#koushirouizumi text#koushirouizumi personal#(Seriously????)#(I know they found my posts in a 'Search' because I deliberately LEFT OFF certain tag{s} so they COULDNT FIND IT)#(I get back online)#(and thats the first thing I see)#(Like dude even if you aimed that at all I dont care what your actual age is what I care about is you actually are kind when interacting!!!#(Theres another person who I follow)#(who basically asks ppl to intro themselves to them even privately just a short description is fine)#(because they got a lot of bot follows and also a lot of blatant antisemites lurking on their page)#(And I didnt know when I first interacted but once I knew even I sent in a small blurb about myself even if I thought theyd not want me)#(to be following {intracommunity issues})#(and they still didnt mind me following to educate myself and thanked me for doing so)#(which I wasnt expecting at all)#(and I might have to start doing something similar myself HERE from now on)#(I may not do it on my main sideblogs for fan stuff)#(but this is my MULTI-FAN *PERSONAL*)#(and id REALLY F*CKING APPRECIATE if during these times i DIDNT HAVE TO KEEP BLOCKING PPL LIKE THIS FROM)#(*SHOWING DIRECTLY IN MY ACTIVITY FEEDS THANKYOU*)
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thinking about since canonically Geto is more popular with girls than Gojo he’s gotten used to them looking past him to get to Geto but what if Gojo and Geto are out for drinks with the other teachers one night and he gets approached by the reader but he thinks she’s just coming over to ask him for Geto’s number and so he prepares his ‘responsible best friend’ act and then SHE ASKS ABOUT HIM INSTEAD, ALL BLUSHY AND STUFF BECAUSE HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GONNA BRUSH HER OFF
AHH I LOVE HIM SM 😔😔😔
pairing: gojo satoru x reader | 1k words
summary: fluff, pining, reader is a simp but same, satoru is a good wingman but he needs attention too, au ig bc suguru's alive LMAO, idiots in love?
rheya's note: oh my god shut up this is so cute and YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT??? i can just imagine that he's gotten so used to judging whether or not the person is even worth suguru's attention before deciding to pass on his info...and after a while his brain just defaults to thinking that everyone wants suguru but he FORGETS that there are gojo girlies out there (me asf) !! thanks for the ask nonnie babes i love this idea so so much <33
OK SO
it's obvious that there are quite a few women at the bar eyeing the group. young, attractive teachers spending an evening trying to relax and take their minds off of the stress of jujutsu work. nanami is in deep conversation with shoko about something while ijichi quietly listens. further down the table utahime is quietly sipping her drink while mei mei orders another. shoko makes a comment and suguru bursts into unabashed laughter.
the flush of alcohol dusts over each of their cheeks, but satoru remans the only one who has barely touched his glass, the sting of the bitterness a little too harsh for him to enjoy. he opts for instead letting his eyes roam over the faces in the crowd, taking little notice of all the eyes and smiles sent in their direction.
well until he notices you anyway.
you're already looking in his direction curiously, face illuminated by the dim lighting of the bar as your friends giggle around you. when his eyes lock with yours, you immediately tear your gaze away, trying to play it off by immediately delving into conversation, though satoru can tell that there's a flush crawling up your neck now.
he doesn't look away though, too caught up in the crinkle of your eyes and the smile lines that grace your face as you laugh at something. a minute later you're looking back in their direction, and when you catch him staring, you turn away yet again.
satoru glances to his side, knowing that you're probably watching suguru take a sip of his drink and most likely falling for his charming smile.
typical and so predictable.
some time passes like this. you'll look, and turn away, and satoru will watch you do it over and over again. it isn't until a while later that satoru catches your friends pushing your shoulders and giggling, and he knows that they're urging you to come up and ask about suguru. you're shaking your head, the nervousness clear as day as your brows pinch. but eventually you succumb to peer pressure and stand up from your table, taking anxious strides towards him.
and usually, satoru will make a face or turn his back or do something to look as unapproachable as possible. because almost every person who comes up asking for suguru's contact info has been obnoxious as hell.
but you're quite pretty and you look sweet enough, and he doesn't think it'd be right to deter you.
suguru would probably like you too.
so satoru decides to let you try at least, and if you seem to be as nice as you look maybe he'd bridge the gap between you and his best friend.
you make your way up to him, and as soon as he finally gets a good look at you he's thinking you're a lot prettier up close.
dammit.
"hi," you say, face hot as you try your best to maintain steady eye contact with him. you look so nervous, fidgeting with the fabric of your clothes as you attempt to strike up conversation, and he doesn't have it in him to watch you struggle.
"yeah i can give you his number," he says, voice clipped as he tries to hide the disappointment in it. you watch him grab a napkin and begin scribbling something down, confusion clear as he hands you the digits.
"um…?" you look at the napkin and then at him. "sorry, whose number is this?"
satoru balks, lips parting as he mirrors your confusion. "uh…suguru's? the guy behind me?"
realization dawns on your face and you shift your weight from foot to foot.
"oh actually," you suck your teeth nervously, trying to hide behind an awkward little smile. "i came to talk to you."
satoru can only blink, cerulean eyes widening behind his glasses as he stares at you in surprise.
you take his silence as a bad sign, shoulders dropping and embarrassment settling in your frown as you look anywhere but his face. "s-sorry if that's weird. i don't wanna make you uncomfortable or anything so-"
he's grinning before he can stop himself, heart dangerously swelling with affection as he motions toward the empty stool next to him. "not weird at all."
the pleasant surprise on your face makes him bite back a chuckle, and you take the seat. "huh...i wasn't expecting you to be okay with it."
satoru raises a brow curiously, tilting his head. "why not?"
you shrug with a careless grin. "i had a feeling you were gonna brush me off from the moment i first looked over."
satoru winces, and he can practically feel suguru's knowing smirk on his back. he chooses to ignore that for now, eyes trailing over the mirth in your expression, and he can only smile helplessly. "no way in hell."
your laugh comes instantly, sweet and bright, and you take it as a sign to continue talking. satoru listens on, sipping his drink to hide his giddy smile and ignoring the sting of bitterness once again.
honestly, with the amount of sweetness he's just found, satoru would tolerate as much bitterness as he needed to.
#[𐐪— rheya’s writings. 𐑂]#gojo satoru x reader#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#gojo x reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru headcanons#gojo satoru#jujutsu kaisen#satoru x reader#satoru gojo x reader#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#gojo x you#jjk#jjk x you#gojo satoru x y/n#jjk fanfic#jjk season 2#geto suguru#satoru gojo#gojou satoru x reader#jjk gojo#gojo drabbles#gojo angst#jujutsu kaisen angst#gojo imagine#gojo#[𐐪— asks. 𐑂]
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[Okay but virgin König that somehow knows exactly how to please you and have you cumming on his huge cock (or his mouth ) in under 15 min… ]
“Fuck!— fuck!” You screamed, gripping the bedsheets in front of you. You’d been on the edge for a few minutes now, thanks to your boyfriend König. For someone who claimed to be a virgin, he knew how to have you calling out his name and cursing like a mantra. He swore he had never been with another person, but god it felt like he already knew every sweet spot you had.
“Is it— it good, Liebe?” He asked, as if he couldn’t tell. His harsh pace slamming into your rear did not let up, and you could hardly answer his question.
“Fuck— yes, god! Please, Don’t stop!”
He heard you. He revelled in how you usually praised him, telling him he’s a good boy that fucks you so well and how he’s making you feel so so good. Constantly.
You could feel yourself teetering over the edge, as well as the fact you could feel your boyfriend’s curious eyes burning a hold through the back of your head, watching for any and every reaction.
“Fuck! König— fuck! Im gonna cum— oh god, oh fuck!! Oh my god!”
“Not— not yet, Liebling…please..” he asked.
Fuck.
What a sweetheart. Was he making you wait for him? He stopped for a second, using it to flip you onto your back so you were facing him. He looked a little shy — like he had something embarrassing to say.
“I want… I want to see you…” he said, through rough pants, as he began his brutal pace again. Your eyes were already rolling back in your head and your body was weak. You could only let out moans and begs, so you just nodded to König and let him use you like the fucktoy you are.
Not long later you could tell he was about to cum as his pace was getting sloppier and his breathing was getting heavier. He was letting out small whimpers and moans too, his eyes focused on you the whole time. You were holding yourself back so as to not cum too early. He asked you to wait, after-all.
“Fuck— Liebe— im… im gonna cum!” He said, his voice cracking.
Thank god.
You could feel his cock throbbing inside of you and it was driving you crazy. What sent you over the edge though, was König pressing his hand down on the bulge in your stomach. Right where his cock was. He didn’t slow down for a second, in fact, he fucked you rough into yours and his orgasm until you were a shaking mess on his bed and he was pinning you down with his muscular body, resting after such an intense fuck.
#I need König RIGHT NEOWW#i want him so bad#könig x y/n#konig cod#konig x reader#konig mw2#konig call of duty#konig smut#konig x you#könig mw2#könig cod
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HATE THAT I LOVE YOU || part 3
mean!ryomen sukuna x fem!reader
It's already a part of Sukuna's personality to be mean, always throwing insults at every person he finds annoying here and there. And you were no exception. You ran after him like a lovesick puppy, happily smiling at his rejections, confessing to him multiple times how much you like him, and Sukuna wanted so much to strangle you for your persistence.
But when you stopped showing interest, maybe... just maybe, Sukuna didn't like the sound of it.
contents: sukuna x reader, soft!reader, reader is oblivious to sukuna's insults, mean!sukuna, golden retriever x black cat trope, reader is a happy pill (not to sukuna tho, yet), hurt/slight angst, modern college AU, sukuna is in a band, bassist!sukuna, not proofread, jjk characters in a band, siblings yuji and sukuna
warning: cursing
links: < part 1 > < part 2 >
***
You don't remember anything that happened last night.
Waking up with a throbbing head and no memories of what occurred when you were drunk was not something you were happy about. You were still dressed in your last night's clothes, your heels discarded on the floor, a blanket being over your body the whole time you were sleeping. You didn't even know how you still got home or how you even ended up on the living room couch, assuming that maybe Nanami took care of you because of the text he sent last night.
2:17 PM
Nanami: I hope you slept comfortably. Drink some water when you wake up.
You smiled at his message. Nanami is surely the gentleman out of everyone in the band, he really never forgets to take care of everyone.
So when Monday comes by, you immediately look for Nanami to thank him personally. It was during lunch period when you caught sight of the person you've been wanting to see, and without further ado, you ran after him as you called out his name.
Unbeknownst to you, Sukuna was just a few steps behind when he found you talking to Nanami. And the words that escaped your mouth sent his blood levels high.
“Nanami! I wanted to say thank you for taking care of me last Friday night!”
“Friday night?”
“Yeah? I was really drunk, but I do remember someone taking me home. And you texted me that morning too, so I concluded it was you. Anyways, thank you so much–”
That's all Sukuna needed to hear as he walked right past the two of you, his eyes shooting daggers at everyone who walked in his way.
What he witnessed somehow left a bitter taste in his mouth. Like there's a poison corrupting his veins, eager to suffer him to death as he clenches his hand in a fist to restrain himself.
All Sukuna could do was walk away.
He couldn't accept how you dare to think that another man took care of you and drove you home. He couldn't believe how you're thanking another man right away, instead of clarifying who did what first, and he's just really going to hate you more for this.
“Wait, what do you mean?” Nanami asked you with an evident confused look on his face. After rambling about how you appreciated his act of concern towards you last Friday, you finally focused on him and saw how he looked clueless about the situation.
“You… took me home, didn't you? Because… I was really drunk…”
“Oh.” He nodded, now realising what you said. “It wasn't me, though.’
•
You were entirely confused by the situation now. Your feelings had tangled up in your mind and you don't know what to believe anymore when you saw Sukuna walking past you in the hallways.
The surroundings seem to quiet down as you focus your eyes on him. His figure, his stare, his inevitably handsome face. It's all coming back to you again. The beat of your heart, like a slow motion film everytime he walks by, and you feel like you're a teenager for these feelings.
You were about to open your mouth to talk to him, when he brushed you off so easily as he spared you no glance, walking right past your shoulder. Mouth agape, words left unspoken, mind wandering elsewhere, your cheeks blushed in embarrassment.
If he's the one who took you home after the party, then why is he not taking any credit for it?
Did he do it out of pity or something? Did he just feel bad to leave you alone in there?
You knew he didn't have any feelings for you, so maybe it is the latter. And after that, he doesn't care anymore where you thank him anymore, because that's just how he is.
Sighing, you clutched your bag in your hand and thought of another time to thank him still.
On the other side, Sukuna is mad mad. He doesn't even know why. He can't even explain it himself because he feels like it's nonsense.
It's like a feeling of wanting to throw a tantrum for all his bottled up feelings of anger at you, but if he did do such a thing, he'll come out whiny. Plus, only Yuji does that.
He just hates it. Everytime he looks at you, that anger starts becoming intense in some type of way. His hatred makes him want to lock you in his arms, and just… and just…
Why is he thinking about this anyway?
He hates you for your annoyance. For your persistence. For always smiling at everyone. For always making his day feel incomplete if you're not there.
He hates you even more for thanking Nanami for something he had done. And he wants to knock some senses in you at some point.
He hates how you've changed. How you're slowly fading away from him.
He hates how he's maybe starting to feel different about you now.
•
“You might pierce a hole in her head if you keep staring like that…” Yuji whispered close to Sukuna’s ear. Sukuna flinched, but immediately hit Yuji with his elbow, leaving the latter hissing in pain.
The football field was yet again full of people. Girls would walk over and say hi to Sukuna and Yuji to where they sat at the benches, and only Yuji would have the heart to flash them his cheeky smile. While Sukuna watches you who had been sitting a few seats far away, your back facing them, focused on whatever conversation you have with your friend.
“Tell me,” Yuji continues. “Are you starting to like her?”
Sukuna immediately turned his head to him with a glare. He scoffed, crossing his arms on his chest, “That's total nonsense, Yuji.”
Yuji shrugged as he stared at you as well. “Not to me… You look… troubled…”
“That… has nothing to do with that fool…”
Yuji laughs at his brother, shaking his head at his denial. “Whatever you say.”
•
This is it. This is the right time to finally talk to Sukuna.
You breathed heavily as you wiped your sweaty palms on your clothes. Your heart was thumping loudly on your chest as you stood right before the band's practice room door.
You've been looking for Sukuna the whole day and ended up asking Yuji where he was, and this is why you ended up here. The door seems to dread a dark presence before it, looming an ominous aura within, or maybe it was just you over exaggerating things.
You nervously twist the door, and there you see Sukuna on his usual seat, legs spread apart, his face resting on his palms as he had his eyes closed. You almost backed away after realising that he was sleeping, but stopped when he opened his eyes.
“O-oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you were asleep!” You panicked, bowing at him repeatedly for your mistake. “I'll leave–”
“Do you need anything?” His deep voice felt like thunder as it rang in your ears.
You purse your lips, feeling the heat rush to your face. You reluctantly nodded your head as you took a step inside the room, closing the door behind you.
“About last Friday…”
Sukuna raised an eyebrow as he stood up, taking a step forward as he placed his hands on his pocket. “What about it?”
“Y-yeah uhm… Thank you for… f-for…” You started stuttering, your hands shaking on your sides. Sukuna's eyes landed on them, which startled you to clasped your hands together instead to keep them still, but it didn't really help.
“Say it.” He demanded, and it made you even more nervous because he was staring at you too intently.
“L-last Friday night… I want to thank you for…” You take a breath to calm yourself down. “N-nanami said… you took me h-home?”
“Are you asking me if I did?”
You pinched your shaking hands, not expecting his question. “Y-yes? Did you…?”
“Tsk.” He took a step closer, reaching out to grab your shaky hands with one hand. “What's gotten into the sunshine brat I know, hmm?” He asks, staring at your shaky hands between his. “Nervous?”
“T-that’s not the question, Sukuna.”
“Alright then,” he let go of you, bringing his hands back to his pocket. “I did. Happy?”
You closed your eyes at his answer, your breathing becoming uneven as you opened them again. Sweat is starting to form on your neck, “Why?”
It was the question that had been running in your head for the whole time since Nanami told you that it was Sukuna. And you needed answers. At this instant.
“You were drunk,” Sukuna answered straightforwardly. “Did you want me to leave you alone?”
“N-no! B-but–”
“Don't put too much ideas in your head.”
Your heart skipped a beat.
The world seems to start crashing down, and that's all the answers you need.
What were you expecting anyway? That magically, Sukuna started to care for you just because he had the heart to act like a person towards you? That maybe, he started to realise that his feelings for you were never hatred but it turned into something deep?
No, that's impossible. Liking you the way you like him was never in Sukuna's vocabulary.
So what now?
“Right!” You nodded your head with a smile. “I wasn't thinking of anything! I really just wanted to thank you, that's all!”
Sukuna searched your eyes, trying to read you. But you quickly feigned your disappointment as you grinned at him.
“I just needed to confirm that. Thank you, Sukuna! I should get going now. I won't bother you anymore.” You waved him goodbye as you ran out of the room, and when he was finally out of sight, tears started rolling down your face.
Sukuna, on the other hand, just stared off into space from where you left.
He was… undoubtedly, regretting his words.
***
Is the update too short? lol, ill make it up to you guys once im done with schoolworks!! i promisee 😭 part 4 will be up in idk when ☺️
#jujutsu kaisen#sukuna x reader#jujutsu sukuna#sukuna ryomen#ryomen sukuna#sukuna#jjk x reader#jjk#jjk ryomen#jujutsu kaisen ryomen#sukuna fluff#sukuna angst#sukuna x yn#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk fluff#jjk fic#yuji and sukuna are siblings#yuji itadori#jujutsu x reader#jujutsu itadori#jujutsu au#jujutsu kaisen sukuna
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Steve gets the wrong number and starts texting an interesting guy. Steddie, modern au, no upside down
Steve had been feeling pretty good. He’d gone out, had a nice conversation with a girl at the bar and gotten her number. He didn’t feel sparks but she was nice and cute. They didn’t talk about anything too deep but when Steve had asked for her number she put it in and then left with her friends.
He tried not to be too desperate. But he wanted to let her know he was serious and that he would (eventually) be good boyfriend material. So a little before midnight, he shot a text to her to make sure she was alright.
[11:47] Hey this is Steve just making sure you got home okay 🙂
He had debated on the emoji but figured it was harmless and innocent in the end. He put his phone down and got ready for bed, expecting her to text back after a couple of minutes. Unless she didn’t get home safely. Steve tried not to think about that.
After changing his clothes and brushing his teeth he checked his phone. He lit up when he saw that Misty had replied.
(11:52) Sure did Steve-o
(11:53) Thanks for your concern 🫡
Misty texted a little different from the way she talked. A bit more…well he wasn’t sure how to describe it. Misty seemed like a really straight-laced woman. She was in the process of getting her education degree.
Steve shot back another message, saying that he had a good time tonight and he really hoped to see her again. There it was. A clear intention. If she responded positively, he’d ask her out right then. But the reply didn’t come as quick as he wanted. When it got around 12:30, Steve finally called it a night. Misty had probably gone to sleep as well.
-------------------------------------------
[11:47] Hey this is Steve just making sure you got home okay 🙂
Eddie stared at the text he just received. He racked his brain for whoever Steve must be and what he had done all day today, wondering if he met someone but their name just slipped his mind.
But nope. He had spent this lovely Saturday at home, lounging around in his apartment on his day off. He hadn’t gone out. And he hadn’t met anyone named Steve. The message came when he was in the middle of making his near-midnight dinner of mac and cheese. Whoever this guy was, he was clearly checking in on someone.
Eddie looked at his surroundings. Decent place, a bit cramped but big enough for just him and for anyone who needed to crash on his couch. He had popped out earlier to get some cigs and he had in fact made it back safely.
(11:52) Sure did Steve-o
(11:53) Thanks for your concern 🫡
And who said he didn’t have impulse control? He thought about it for at least two minutes before sending the message.
[11:55] I had a nice time tonight. Hope to see you again.
Eddie looked at the new text, his chewing slowing to a stop. This Steve guy had met someone, spent some time with them, and was now trying to set up another date. There were a few ways to go about this. For just a moment he considered what a rational person would do, just a moment though.
A rational person might’ve said right away ‘wrong number’ or ‘wires crossed’. But Eddie’s brain didn’t function on rationality. So even though Steve clearly meant to text someone else, Eddie thought of the best way to reply. It did take him a bit to send it, the macaroni was calling to him. But by 1, Eddie had sent something back.
(1:07) You saw me?
(1:09) From my apartment?
(1:10) Creepy
He went to bed, thinking he’d wake up to a very confused man and when morning came he wasn’t disappointed.
[8:13] What are you talking about? It’s Steve? From the bar?
Eddie checked his clock. It was ten in the morning. Who got up at eight on a Sunday? Eddie’s first thought was a church-goer. Those folks were early risers. But they didn’t frequent bars too much.
(10:29) Sorry man
(10:30) I think you got the wrong number
(10:30) I didn’t go to a bar last night.
Once he sent it, Eddie belatedly hoped the words weren’t too blunt. It couldn’t feel nice, getting a number error. But after a moment of thinking, he started coming around to the idea that maybe Steve wasn’t such a catch. People didn’t give wrong numbers after a good time. Maybe he actually was a creep.
[10:36] Oh. Well, I’m sorry to bother you.
Eddie rolled from his back onto his stomach. Curse his soft heart. He didn’t know anything about this man and somehow he felt sorry for him. But he wasn’t about to go gushing to a stranger. Who knows what kind of interactions Steve had with this mystery number? So instead, he went the typical Eddie route and tried to lighten the mood.
(10:38) Probably dodged a bullet
(10:38) They could’ve been a serial killer
(10:39) Or worse someone who jogs in the morning
He put that little dig there just to feel out Steve. If he wasn’t at church, maybe he was the kind to go and workout in the morning. In the middle of making his coffee, Eddie realized he was trying to learn about the dude and thought he might be courting danger. Then he heard a ‘ping!’ and any ideas of caution were thrown to the wind.
Leaning against the counter, the only sound was the percolating as he read what Steve had said.
[10:46] Okay confession. I did actually go for a jog this morning. Is that weird?
Eddie started to visualize this man and another alarm went off in his mind that he promptly shooed away.
(10:47) No not weird at all
(10:47) It’s perfectly natural for an insane person
(10:48) Didn’t you go drinking last night?
(10:48) And then you went for a jog this morning?
(10:49) You might just be more scary than a murderer
(10:50) Scratch that
(10:50) This seems like text book serial killer behavior
(10:51) Bet this is how you scope out your targets
The coffee finished brewing and Eddie starting pouring it and it was only then he realized the wall he’d sent Steve accusing him of being a killer. It looked like texts from a crazy person. He looked crazy. His friends had complained more than once about him sending these streams of texts instead of keeping it all in one response. Steve was going to see that and leave him on read, or just block his number.
[10:57] Damn guess I better come up with a new tactic.
Eddie didn’t realize how hard he was smiling until he tried to drink and spilled hot coffee on himself. Alarms were ringing in his head again but he might as well be deaf.
Part 2
#apo writes#stranger things#fanfiction#steddie#lemme know what yall think of the text format#im still figurin it out
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If It All Fell (3)
Pairing: Azriel x Reader
Summary: If it all fell apart—if you forgot who you were—would you love him again? Would the bond guide you back? Azriel doesn't know if that uncertainty is one he can bear.
Word count: 3.1k
Warnings: Angst (obvi)
a/n: It's about to reallyyyy get started in the next part (I promise there will be fluff in this fic eventually). Thank you so much for reading and interacting with this series ❤️❤️ I love writing it!!
Part 1 ♡ Part 2 ☆ Part 4 ☼
Series Masterlist
~~
Mor’s fingers slid along book spines as she circled the room. A fire crackled and popped beneath the mantle, providing ambiance as the blonde retold another story of your life. You, unsure how to move about the space, remained seated in a rather large chair with an uncomfortably low back.
“Gods, you wouldn’t talk to Rhys for a week. He was beside himself,” she laughed, shaking her head in faint fondness. “You refused to stay at the House out of pure spite. That’s when you and Azriel decided—”
She cut herself off, nearly tripping on the ornate rug under your chair.
“When Azriel and I decided what?” you probed.
Mor bit into her lip, taking a large breath. “That story is for another time.”
You hummed, hiding your frustration beneath a close-lipped grin.
A story for another time.
This was your story, and yet, there were so many pieces that weren’t making sense. There was so much being kept from you—you could feel it—but why? Why did Mor omit some things and freely speak of others? Why was the topic of Azriel so… taboo?
Your thoughts traveled back to the lunch yesterday, the way Azriel had abruptly vanished. He hadn’t been able to spend even an hour in your presence. The rest of the meal had been tense, with Cassian attempting to save your feelings by sending subtle jabs Azriel’s way and Mor shooting daggers at the swinging door.
Maybe you and Azriel were enemies? It certainly didn’t feel that way whenever he was around. Granted, you’d only seen him twice since waking up, but those two times weren’t filled with hostility or ire, were they?
Mor moved over to the window. You clenched the cushion of your chair between tense fingers.
Did Azriel not like you?
The thought sent daggers through your chest, which was odd, considering the man had only spoken about four words to you. But… he had to like you, didn’t he? When Mor spoke of your family, of your place in this court, she always included Azriel. He was always some part of the stories of your life.
But that didn’t mean the two of you were friends.
That didn’t mean he liked being around you.
Perhaps the Inner Circle was attempting to rewrite history—reform a bond between friends that had long been burned. Maybe the two of you had constant disagreements and fights and the rest of them were sick of it, using your lack of memories to drive you back together. That would certainly explain Azriel’s disappearance yesterday.
The conclusion ate away at you. It ate and ate until you were left feeling hollow. How could one person—a person you didn’t even know—be affecting you so much? There was a vast array of other problems you should be dwelling on.
“He doesn't like me very much, does he?”
You hadn’t meant to ask the question; the words had spilled out without permission.
Mor’s head jutted back in confusion, her mouth opening in the shape of a scoff. “Who?”
“Azriel,” you clarified, suddenly feeling so small in the large, confusing chair you sat in. “I know I lost my memory, but I still grasp context clues, Mor. You’re always hesitant to speak of him and he didn’t exactly seem overjoyed to be spending time with me yesterday. Listen—” you held your hand up, stopping Mor from giving you the excuses you could see welling up “—I don’t care, okay? I don’t care how bad it all sounds. I just want to know the truth. I can’t… I can’t even begin to figure this all out without the complete truth.”
The conflicted twist of Mor’s brow was glaringly apparent. She brought her fingers together at her waistline, fidgeting with them in what you assumed to be a nervous habit.
A lick of sympathy made you add, “Come on, it can’t be that bad, right? Whatever it is?”
A pause.
“I don’t know if I should be the one to explain this all to you,” Mor said, struggling over each word.
“It seems like no one else will.” You stood from your chair, ignoring the strange sense of loss from your departure. Did the rest of this room smell so much of cedar and night-kissed air? “Please, Mor. I’m so confused. I know more about myself, about you and I—you’ve done a wonderful job at that—but… I need to know everything. There’s a chance that I… a chance that I don’t get my memories back. I need to know who I am. Every part.”
You brought your hands up to grasp at Mor’s, pleading with her through your gaze. Your friend—she had become your friend—stared back at you with so much disparaged hope.
“You could still—”
“Please, Mor.”
You squeezed her fingers.
She closed her eyes and sighed.
“Y/n, Azriel—”
Something crashed, causing Mor to yank your hands back until you were secure behind her, her body acting as a shield between you and the door. There was another bang, a panicked voice, and then heavy footsteps. Your back pressed against the glass window, a chill sinking into your bones.
“—in her and Az’s reading room.”
The door slammed open not a moment later, Cassian bursting through in a frazzled state. He quickly scanned the room before landing on you and Mor. He locked eyes with the blonde, gave a quick nod, almost indistinguishable, and then turned his gaze to you.
“You want to meet our High Lord?”
~~
You could feel the tension the moment you stepped into the room.
Shadows battled for purchase around Azriel, his fists clenched at his sides as he stood opposite Rhysand. A desk separated them, filled with papers and books and notes. Neither made any indication that they had heard your group enter the office until Rhysand shot his eyes to the corner of his vision.
Azriel sighed, deep and menacing, as if Rhysand had insulted him gravely.
But he hadn’t said anything.
Rhysand’s jaw shifted to the side.
Cassian spoke, and it was then you realized his arm was pressing you back into the doorway. “Everything good in here?”
Mor stood ground behind you, keeping a firm hand on your back.
“Everything is fine,” Rhysand replied, steady voice matching his steady gaze on the male in front of him.
“You both sure? Because you told me to get her and I don’t know if having two Illyrians—”
“Everything is fine, Cassian,” Rhysand repeated. Some of the tension left him. With a sharp look in Azriel’s direction, he turned his attention toward you, craning his head to the side to catch you behind Cassian’s broad shoulders. “Hello, y/n.”
A nervous breath left you; whether it was from the hostility in the room or the greeting from the High Lord, you didn’t know. When Cassian nodded to Azriel and moved to the side, allowing you a full entrance, you glanced around quickly and caught the eyes of each person once, and then twice.
You licked your drying lips. “High Lord,” you responded, bending at the knee and lowering your gaze.
You had no recollection as to how long a bow was supposed to last. There was just some intrinsic part of you that knew the gesture was needed. Rhysand was a High Lord and you were… well, you weren’t sure what your title was—if you even had one. What your place was within this court.
No one had deigned to tell you.
When you rose after a seemingly acceptable amount of time, you were met with a still silence. All of the previous tension in the room melted away to create space for the stifling pause that permeated the air. Rhysand blinked at you, and then blinked again.
And then he had to cover his mouth because he began laughing.
A new emotion you could not remember experiencing invaded every inch of your body. It took you several seconds of enduring Rhysand’s muffled laugh before you recognized it as mortification. Pure, unadulterated mortification.
You clasped your hands together in front of your waist and took a harrowing breath in, trying to fight back the sudden burn in your nose.
Azriel, who had been watching you with careful grace since you stepped out from behind Cassian, turned his head with a sharp snap and growled at his High Lord. The leather around his fingers, placed there to keep his blazing siphons in place, groaned as his fists constricted once more.
Rhysand banished the argument before it began, attempting to wipe away the laugh with his fingers. “I’m—I’m sorry, y/n,” he chuckled, collecting himself further, tucking his hands in his pockets. “I know this is not funny for you, but… but I have never seen you do that a day in your life. And you have met several High Lords.”
You glanced around to gauge the reactions of the others in the room, finding Cassian with his tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek to fight a smile and Mor staring up at the ceiling, in the midst of that same battle. Some of the embarrassment fled, but it was only replaced with confusion.
“I.. I’m sorry, I just assumed—because you’re a High Lord, I assumed your station required—”
Rhysand shook his head and gently corrected your rambling. “In a public space, perhaps. Maybe not in Velaris. And certainly not from someone I consider to be a sister.”
A sister.
Your family.
Right.
“I’m sure Helion would welcome the greeting,” Cassian huffed out from beside you, his words laced with an unrealized laugh. “Especially since the last time you greeted the High Lord of Day you told him to never again try baking in his entire immortal life. Not even a hello.”
Whatever discussion was occurring prior to your entrance was long forgotten. Even Azriel cracked a smile at that, and the room was filled with more than Rhysand’s laughs. The sounds, although new for you, had a smile tugging at your own lips. It was the first time since you woke up that no one was frowning at you, or fighting off tears, or storming away in bouts of shadows.
In fact, the feeling was so jarring you found yourself laughing as well—a tentative laugh, but one of the first that felt real.
It was a few more moments of joyous forgetting before silence took over again, but it was a lighter silence this time. Rhysand motioned to the chair facing his desk, and you took the seat, Cassian standing tall behind you, Mor positioning herself on the arm.
Azriel remained standing just a step away.
His face was void of a smile once again.
Rhysand cleared his throat. “It seems wrong to introduce myself now, but I must ask that you call me Rhys—or Rhysand, if I’ve really done something to piss you off. But not High Lord.” When you only nodded in agreement, he looked down at his desk, something lost in his eye. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around for you sooner. I’ve been researching—trying to figure this out.”
“I know. Thank you, Hi—Rhys,” you corrected. Cassian squeezed your shoulder from behind. A shadow followed the movement, slinking down from the Illyrian’s hand to loop around your neck.
“There isn’t much literature on witches, unfortunately. Not here. I’ve had Amren, another member of our court, looking through what she knows. She—well, she knows a great deal about many things that we don’t understand.” Rhysand sighed. Humor left him. “The consensus so far is that anything done by a witch can only be undone by that witch. Meaning—”
“Meaning there’s no hope unless we can find her,” you finished for him. “But—” your brows furrowed “—I’m the only one who saw her. Mor’s told me about that day. No one else saw the witch but me and now I…”
The burning in your nose was back, this time accompanied by the pounding in your head and the pressure in your chest. Both had become constants in your life. A sickening sort of panic twisted its way through you, leaving your breath unsteady even as Cassian ran a comforting hand over your shoulders and Mor offered silent encouragement at your side.
The only thing keeping your tears at bay were the shadows that had sought you out, their presence tickling your skin and serving as a distraction. That, and the azure glow continuously catching the corner of your eye as Azriel clenched and unclenched his fist.
“There are two avenues we can take,” Rhys offered with a kind, calm smile. “I am able to see into minds, oftentimes past what even you might be cognizant of. If you allow me to, I can enter your memories and take a look… maybe see the witch or something useful.”
You could make it worse.
You remembered bits and pieces from the day you were attacked, but some things were clearer than others. You had no idea who said what, but you knew someone had warned Rhys against this—someone had wrapped themselves around you and kept him far, far away.
“Would that hurt?” you asked.
A trembling exhale fell from the shadowsinger’s lips. You turned to look at him, but he kept his eyes forward.
“I would do my best to ensure that it didn’t,” Rhys comforted, his own eyes darting from Azriel and back to you. “At any sign of discomfort, I would stop. The goal would just be to see where your memories lay, if they were accessible at all. And to see if there was anything hidden about the witch.”
You nodded, trying to reconvene privately as you stared down at your fingers.
He would just take a look. Maybe it would somehow stop this incessant pounding in your head or maybe he would be able to see the memory of the witch. Maybe your memories were there, and you just didn’t have access to them yourself.
Maybe, maybe, maybe…
“If you aren’t comfortable with that—” Azriel’s low voice cut through your rampage of thoughts. “—we still have several people looking for information. As spymaster, I can assure you that all personnel available are on the hunt in Spring Court.”
You looked up, and Azriel met your eye for the first time since that disastrous lunch. Something felt like it fractured within you, a desolation so sharp it stung, but just as abruptly, that feeling washed away. It felt as if it seeped through some crack only to be reined in and slammed behind several locked doors.
You rubbed at your chest in an attempt to soothe the ache the feeling left. Azriel flickered his gaze down to watch your hand, clenched his jaw, and then looked back up. Softer this time—an apology you couldn’t comprehend.
“Thank you,” you whispered. “It means a lot that you are spending so much time on this. I—I can’t begin to thank you fully.”
Some of the conviction you had grown so used to seeing on Azriel’s face crumbled. He took a half-step towards you, a seemingly unconscious movement.
“Anything.” His voice was so soft it was almost a whisper. “Y/n, anything.”
It wasn't until Rhys spoke again that you were snapped out of the trance Azriel had locked you in. “I cannot guarantee I will see anything, if you choose to allow me in,” the High Lord explained. When you looked over at him, a sad smile lingered. “Which is why an alternative may be needed.”
“Of course,” you nodded, an encouragement for him to continue.
Rhys pushed his fingers together as they sat atop his desk. “We would take you to Day Court. Helion—the High Lord Cassian mentioned—is skilled in spell-cleaving. He may be able to undo some of what the witch did, if that’s possible. Or just give us a better read on the situation.”
Mor startled from beside you, “Rhys—”
“It wouldn’t be like last time,” Rhys placated, once again glancing toward the shadowsinger. “It wouldn’t.”
“Couldn’t Feyre—”
“She doesn’t have that much control over each of the court powers yet. We—we tried.”
“Feyre?” you asked, but the question was directed to no one and no one answered it.
“It’s a brilliant plan, isn’t it?” Azriel spit out, vitrole tainting each syllable. The heat rose in the room.
Cassian cut in this time, his voice a vibration at the back of your head. “Azriel, maybe—”
You couldn’t focus on anything they were saying as each line spoken left you with more questions, more pieces you couldn’t connect. Azriel was mad, Mor was concerned, Cassian was attempting to play the mediator. You had no idea what role Rhys filled, but you assumed it was the level-headed High Lord who only wanted the best for his court.
But Azriel was too livid and that emotion drowned out all the rest.
It wouldn’t be like last time.
What happened last time?
“I can’t go through that again,” Azriel stressed, his palm now flat on the wood of Rhys’s desk. “We can’t put her through that again.”
But it had sounded like the Night Court was friendly with Day; Cassian made it seem like you were close enough with Helion to make jabs at his cooking.
Put you through what?
“Maybe,” Cassian gritted out, his fingers kneading comfort into your arm. “This isn’t the best discussion to be having. Maybe we start with the first plan and if Rhys can’t find anything, we talk about it.”
Azriel leaned away from the desk, a sharp breath leaving his nose. The shadows that had swarmed around him calmed and flowed along the floor, stopping at your feet. A link between the two of you, it looked like—like a thread or a river or a bridge.
You expected Azriel to leave again, to storm off and avoid this entire situation. You wouldn’t exactly blame him; even with Cassian’s negotiation, there were still so many contingencies and unknowns. This wasn’t simple or clear cut, and it would take a lot of time—time perhaps not so willingly given.
But he didn’t.
Azriel bit back a snarl and pushed back into the shadows, but he didn’t leave.
You felt his eyes on you from the corner of the room, and something within you calmed while something else chafed.
Amidst a soft ringing in your ears, you caught Mor’s low grumble. “At least now we know why they were at each other’s throats when we walked in.”
Cassian scoffed out a disbelieving sound.
And you… you gave in to a few of the tears that had been burning behind your eyes, completely missing that the crack in your chest had returned. Completely missing that it was the cause—emotions that weren't entirely yours influencing the dampness on your cheeks.
Part 4 ☼
#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel fanfic#azriel acotar#azriel shadowsinger#azriel spymaster#acotar fanfiction#azriel angst#azriel#azriel fic
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just crazy love | joel miller
pairing/AU: 70s!pornstar!joel miller x inexperienced!female reader
summary: joel had hurt you badly, but can you forgive him?
warnings: this is an 18+ fic so mdni! reader is 23, joel is in his early 30s, accuracies and inaccuracies about the 70s and the porn industry, smoking of cigarettes (it's the 70s alright), mentions and drinking of alcohol, misogyny (bc of the times™), readers uncle is a character in this but his name is not mentioned and there's no description of looks, angst, swearing, use of pet names, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, squirting, unprotected sex (don't do it!!), praise kink, some size kink (pornstar!joel has a big dick), soft!dom joel, no use of y/n
a/n: this is part three and the last part to my little 70s!pornstar!joel mini-series. i'm overwhelmed by the love i got on the previous part. i honestly thought everyone had forgotten about the orginal one shot as it had been so long 💀 i really appreciate all of you who's left a comment, reply or sent me an ask! makes my heart all mushy 🥺 thank you to @dustydaddyyy for all the help and for reading through it! <3
main masterlist / series masterlist / ao3
On the way home from set, Joel started to think he’d fucked up.
You were so quiet, quieter than you usually were, and it made him worried. After wrapping his scene with Cheryl, he’d immediately looked for you, but your place in the corner where you’d stood watching was empty. He’d noticed you slip out during his scene but thought nothing of it as he knew being on set wasn’t your favorite, but then you came back, and Joel had found it hard to conceal his happiness behind his acting.
His head had been filled with memories and fantasies, memories and fantasies of you. The look you’d get in your eyes when he kissed you, blown out and wide. The feel of your soft hand wrapped around him this morning, the feel of your wet pussy tight around his cock. The sweet taste of you on his tongue. Shit. You were intoxicating. Joel couldn’t get you out of his head– and he didn’t want to try either. One look at you and those pretty eyes, and he came harder during a scene than he can remember ever doing – no need to fake any groans or moans.
It had been a long time since Joel had felt something so strongly for another woman. It must’ve been his high school sweetheart, he thought, that first teenage love, that all-consuming love that made that one special girl feel like the most important person in the world. And sure, after he moved to LA he’d dated, had a couple of girlfriends, but it never went anywhere, and his job, his job always made it complicated. Joel didn’t want complicated– so he stopped dating and got his fill of human touch through his work instead. It made his life easy, but then he’d seen you at the bar by yourself at Tommy’s club, and Joel didn’t want easy anymore.
Joel was a charming man; those southern manners had gotten him far in life, and especially with the ladies – it was no secret. And maybe he’d turned it up a few notches that night, he could admit that – hoping it would hook you in. He’d almost gone against his own rule. The rule he’d set for himself after one particularly nasty break-up a few years back: his rule of no sex outside work. He’d told himself he was protecting himself– protecting himself from getting involved into something complicated again, from getting hurt, or hurting someone he cared for. But then he’d met you, danced with you, talked to you, and Joel didn’t care about protecting himself anymore.
You weren’t someone to take home at the end of the night for a quick fuck. You were so sweet, and shy, he couldn’t help but want to get to know you better. Learn what made you smile, what books you liked, what music you listened to, but also what noises you made when you fell apart. In that dark dingy club, Joel had realized how special you were.
Maybe it was stupid what he did? He could’ve gotten your number a number of ways, but the alcohol was talking and suddenly he was offering you a job before really thinking it through – but at least he had a reason to see you again.
You were a good assistant, and he appreciated the work you did for him, his life had gotten much easier after hiring you. But you were so professional, and what Joel wanted to do to you was unprofessional. You kept on top of his schedule, took his phone calls, scheduled meetings, predicted what he needed before he even knew he wanted it. You were nothing short of a great assistant, but the more he worked with you it was clear that there were things about his job you weren’t as comfortable with – and Joel couldn’t blame you. From the outside his job was unusual, and fucking on camera wasn’t for everybody, but Joel had come to know – it especially wasn’t for you.
A couple of months in, Joel had started to think you were a virgin. At first, he thought it was just your steadfast professionalism, but your reactions to what he considered normal things in his line of work, made him wonder. Not that there was anything wrong with you being a virgin, he just couldn’t understand how anyone could look at you and not want you to be theirs. And maybe it was wrong, but it turned him on a little too, something possessive deep inside loving the thought of you being his, and only his.
He wanted you, wanted you to be his, and the more he got to know you, the more he had to fight to hold back his growing feelings. Joel could hide behind his personality, hide behind the way he loved to flirt, loving the way you squirmed from his compliments– from his teasing. It was cute, it was so goddamn cute, but it didn’t fix the ache he had inside only you could sooth.
After Pismo Beach, Joel knew he was fucked. In the car on the way back to LA he’d had trouble watching anything except your face; the beautiful glimmering sea you drove along might as well have been an oily puddle for all he cared. Nothing was sweeter than watching you hum along to the Joni Mitchell cassette you played on repeat. Joni’s mezzo-soprano clung in his ear like a warning. Yes, help me, he was falling in love too fast, but damn if it didn’t feel good.
Now a different song filled the space of his car, as he drove you home. Crosby, Stills & Nash’s melodic guitar picking hummed a low tune, their three-part harmonies flowing from his car speakers.
“Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams, he worries.”
So yeah, Joel was worried. That rosy hue that had been tinting his world when he looked at you, had now faded to a drab dirty pink. You didn’t even look at him, and hadn’t muttered as much as a word to him since he found you in his trailer – where you’d been flicking through his papers from the meeting – after the scene ended.
“’s everythin’ alright?” Joel spoke across the silence that had grown between you.
You didn’t move your head from where it rested against the window; your face bathed in red from the sea of brake lights on the freeway. You weren’t moving much, so Joel allowed himself a good look at you. He watched the way your body curled in on itself in the seat, your fingers picking at your nailbeds – it made him pull his brows in a tight frown.
“Did he hear a goodbye, or even hello?”
With a brave hand he reached out to touch you, stroking the back of his hand against your cheek. “Hey,” he said, “did ya hear me, my sweet girl?”
“They are one person. They are two alone. They are three together. They are for each other.”
You pulled away from his touch immediately, shifting in your seat, and Joel felt his heart sink in his chest. “I’m fine,” you muttered, an unfamiliar sting in your voice.
A loud honk behind him released Joel from the shock from your tone, and his hand that had been previously dancing along your delicate skin, fell to the gear stick. Releasing the clutch slowly, Joel’s car rolled forward, following the slug traffic. You clearly weren’t fine.
“Stand by the stairway, you’ll see something certain to tell you, confusion has its cost.”
Joel let the music fill the space while you stayed quiet, a bubbling panic settling in his chest as the day played on repeat in his head. Everything had been so great earlier, until it wasn’t. He’d seen it in you after the meeting. Joel knew he should’ve said something, and he’d simmered with it all throughout the meeting, but Joel also knew better than to speak against Ronald in a setting like that.
Ronald was the best thing that had happened to Joel’s career. He was a big name in the porn industry, only managing the very best in the game. Eight years had passed since Ronald had discovered Joel.
It had been the summer of ‘67, his first year in LA already in the rear view. He’d come with a guitar case and a dream of making something of himself. Joel had chased that dream around in circles, and a year into it, he’d been free falling towards rock bottom. The gigs he’d dreamt would line up as soon as his feet touched the hot Californian sand, never came, and had it not been for Tommy, who’d made the move with him, he’d be homeless.
The whole exchange had been bizarre. Tommy was working as a busboy at a club on The Strip at the time, and as an employee, Tommy got a discount at the bar. Joel knew how to take advantage of his little brother’s benefits, and occupied a seat at the bar every weekend where he drank almost free booze, and flirted himself to a one night stand, or two, or three.
He’d sat by the bar one Saturday like usual when a man sat down in the seat next to him. Joel paid him no mind at first, continuing to smoke his cigarette and enjoy his whiskey. Then the man had started talking to him, asking if he knew this girl he’d slept with last week. He was about to deny ever having talked to someone matching this girl’s description, concerned that this man was a husband or a crazy ex-boyfriend of some sort, when the man started telling him that she dabbled in porn. Nothing crazy, just some nude photoshoots here and there, but she’d told him all about Joel and his impressive package.
Joel was about to tell the man to go fuck himself – the conversation twisting into something way too weird for Joel to navigate – when the man, Ronald, had offered to manage him.
Sure, Joel was gifted, blessed, some might even say, but it had sounded too good to be true: getting paid the big bucks for just having sex? At the time, it had sounded like every man’s pipe dream but now, Joel owed Ronald everything.
If the movie deal with VCA went through, Joel’d owe him even more. It was a miracle he was this sought after in the first place. The top consumers of porn, Joel knew, and he supposed the entire porn industry knew, were predominantly men looking for big boobs and a willing woman, neither of which he was. But the tide was turning with the rise of the women’s movement, and Ronald had thrown his net into the pool of opportunity at the exact right moment.
The cynical part of Joel told him it paid his bills – he’d been so desperate in that club – but now, now he was living large as his popularity had continued to grow, and grow, and grow. He’d paved his path towards success, towards the success he’d dreamed about those eighth years ago. And sure, it felt good to be sought after and desired by women everywhere, but if he was being honest, the only woman he wanted to be desired by in this moment, was you.
He loved your gentle nature, that shy, almost timid, way you looked at him. No one had looked at him like that before. It felt so much more real, but it was like something was always holding you back, like you could never allow yourself to just be, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Joel recognized that feeling, he did. He was from the south after all, and as far as his family was concerned, Joel was a sinner. That guilt they instilled in him– he’d sat with that a long time, years spent learning not to hate himself for the choices he’d made, unlearning years of shame. To not feel guilty about his desires, to embrace all that life had to offer with open arms, to dream, to eat until he was full and still have room for dessert.
“Love isn’t lying, it’s loose in a lady who lingers.”
Clearing his throat, Joel spoke again, “Somethin’ ‘s clearly wrong, sweet girl.”
“Please don’t call me that,” you sighed, voice strained like you were close to crying. The broken sound of you shattered something inside him.
“Saying she is lost, and choking on hello.”
Finally, the traffic picked up its pace, and Joel changed gear, gaining speed for the first time since you got on the freeway.
“My sweet girl?” he asked, “I thought you liked that?”
Crosby, Stills & Nash sang their last lines, before the song faded into some disco song Joel had never heard before. It was loud and obnoxious, and your answer drowned in the beat. Joel’s hand was on the volume button in less than a second, turning it down.
“I didn’t,” you repeated in a whisper, “I don’t.”
You shifted your body closer to the door, and Joel knew he had to do something to make you feel better.
“How about…” he started, his hand shifting from the gear stick to land on the thick of your thigh, “I’ll drive us back to my place, and we’ll pick up where we left of this mornin’, huh? Would that make ya feel better?”
You crossed your leg over the other, making his hand slip from your thigh. “I’m too tired, Joel– it’s been a long day… and I didn’t get enough sleep,” you sighed, eyes closed and defeated.
“You sure? Swe–” Joel cut himself off before he could say it, the sweetness turning bitter on his tongue.
You didn’t answer, didn’t look at him, didn’t let him touch you. Something tightened in his chest. You were slipping away like sand through his fingers.
Maybe this wasn’t about the meeting after all?
“’s this about Cheryl?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady and calm, to conceal the panic bubbling in his throat. “’s just for work– was just actin’.”
You took a deep breath, and held it before you spoke, like you were practicing what to say before you said it. “It’s fine, Joel– I’m not your girlfriend.”
Not his girlfriend. Not his. Never his.
This time he couldn’t look at you, his hand gripping tightly around the steering wheel as he glimpsed your apartment complex down at the next turn.
“I thought–” Shit. A breathless chuckle devoid of any joy left him. He was speechless.
Pulling into the parking lot next to your car, Joel didn’t know what to do. He watched you gather your things, while the heaviness in his chest grew.
Was it over before it had even begun?
“I’m…” you drew a shaky breath, “I’ll see you at work.”
And then you were gone, slipping out the door and leaving Joel alone in the swollen silence of your absence. His heart hammered in his chest, his breathing growing shallower as he watched you hurry across the parking lot in the rear-view mirror.
Move you fucking idiot– run after her, his brain told him, but he couldn’t move an inch. Shit. Shit. Shit. His chest tightened, and tightened, his fingers clawing at the rough fabric of his jeans as he started gasping for air. He’d wanted you for so long, and now you were gone. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? With shaky hands he managed to roll down the window, the fresh evening air filled his lungs as he tried his best to calm down.
Joel had fucked up.
When Thursday rolled around, and Joel still hadn’t heard from you, he started to wonder if it was excessive to file a missing persons report. He’d tried to call you multiple times since Monday, but your phone was always off the hook. The hollow beeping of the busy signal doing nothing to calm the panic building in him since Monday.
He’d been so stupid, and he’d cursed himself for not seeing it sooner. Embarrassment suffocating him at the fact that it hadn’t settled in until Ronald had shown him the first rough cut of his chemistry test with Cheryl yesterday.
It had been Cheryl’s idea, the whole innocence thing. She’d pitched it to him after the meeting ended, telling him how excited she was for this opportunity, and how much she was looking forward to finally filming later. Joel had played along; he was at work after all – it was his job. So, he turned on the charm, tested the chemistry waters, and agreed. She was new to the industry and young, it made sense.
What didn’t make sense was what he’d called her. Sweet girl. He’d called Cheryl that multiple times without even realizing it – too lost in his thoughts of you, and how he wished it was you with your lips wrapped around him.
Joel was fucking stupid.
He’d convinced you to watch him get a blowjob from another woman right after you’d confessed to never having given head before. He knew you were inexperienced, but that had never mattered to him. Joel thought it was kinda nice to explore sex with you – to find out what you liked, and what you didn’t. It made it exciting again – it wasn’t just work. But hearing himself praise Cheryl for making him feel good was the last straw for him – he needed to apologize to you.
How he wished he’d been able to convince you to stay in bed that morning– to forget about the stupid fucking meeting. Finally, he’d had you. Finally, he could kiss you, and hold you, and make you feel good. The sweetness of you, of having had you, now bitter as he realized he’d probably never get that back.
Wiping a sweaty palm on his jeans, he tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for someone to buzz him into your apartment complex. He knew he shouldn’t be here, he could get you in trouble, but he needed to see you, to talk to you face to face.
“Hello?” a static voice croaked through the busted speakers of the rusting door buzzer.
“Pizza delivery,” Joel answered, and not a second later the door buzzed.
Trudging up the stairs the words he’d rehearsed played on a loop in his head: He know you probably don’t want to see him ever again, but he needed to apologize for what happened on Monday. He never meant to hurt you the way he did. He understands he was never your boyfriend, but that was what he wanted to be, and he’s sorry for the way he acted.
Stopping outside your apartment door he drew in a deep breath before he knocked. It felt like he stood there for hours waiting while nothing happened. That worry he’d felt for days now tugging harder at his neck. Joel knocked again, a little harder with the shout of your name, and added ‘It’s Joel’ for good measure. Again, nothing. When he repeated the action a third time, the door to the neighboring apartment flew open.
“She’s not home,” your neighbor told him, a hint of annoyance in her voice. She was dressed in a formless paisley patterned dress, hair thrown back in a low ponytail as she bounced a crying baby in her arms. When Joel’s eyes landed on the little girl in her arms, she told him, “You woke her up with all that banging.”
“I’m sorry ma’am,” he said earnestly, “I never meant to–” The baby screamed louder, face red from exertion.
“Sure, you didn’t,” she scoffed, with a roll of her eyes. She bounced her daughter, shifting her hold to hike her up over her shoulder, hand tap tapping at her back as she started to bounce her.
Sliding his hands into his jean pockets, Joel didn’t know what to do. Awkwardly he cleared his throat, tilting his head towards your door. “D’you–” Joel started, before your neighbor cut him off.
“No, but I saw her getting picked up by an older man about an hour ago.” Something about the judgement in her tone didn’t sit right with Joel.
He nodded at the information. Your uncle. Joel remembered now. Your uncle was coming to visit – taking you to dinner. What had you said on the phone again? An Italian place in Santa Monica?
Pulling his car keys from his pocket, he thanked your neighbor – making sure to apologize once again for the ruckus, before he hurried back down the stairs. He walked with long steps towards his car. The sun was setting on LA, turning the clouds and the city pink, but he paid the beautiful sight no mind, his eyes set on the Italian restaurant in Santa Monica where he knew Deborah worked.
“Well would you look at what the cat dragged in.”
Joel turned his head towards the source of the familiar voice, only to find himself eye to eye with Deborah, and her raised eyebrow.
The air smelled like garlic and basil, and the restaurant hummed with conversation over the sound of Dean Martin. She was adorning the restaurant’s waiter uniform, a short red dress over a white collared shirt, while balancing a tower of dirty plates in her hands. He almost didn’t recognize her, she looked so different from how he was used to seeing her – all dolled up at Tommy’s club.
“Deborah,” he acknowledged with a nod, plastering a polite smile on his face.
“Don’t you ‘Deborah’ me, Miller,” she told him with a scoff, placing the tower of dishes down on an empty table before crossing her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes at him, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m lookin’ for–”
“I bet you are,” Deborah replied, raising an unimpressed brow, “She ain’t here.”
Joel sighed, his face pulling into a defeated smile. “I know she’s with her uncle, Deborah. She told me she was takin’ him to an Italian restaurant in Santa Monica– As far as I’m concerned, that’s this place.”
Deborah shrugged nonchalantly, and Joel felt himself start to get annoyed. “Sorry, haven’t seen her in months.”
“Deb,” Joel let out through an exasperated sigh, a hand coming up to rub his eye, “Listen, I–... I just came to apologize, okay? I did somethin’ stupid that I shouldn’t have, and I need to apologize to her f’it.”
Deborah scoffed at Joel’s words, shaking her head with a bitter smile. “I bet you did something stupid... always the same thing with you Millers, hm? You always do first and think later.”
Confused, Deborah’s tone made Joel raise a single eyebrow, “Sure we still talkin’ about me?”
He hadn’t heard much from Tommy about what had gone on between him and Deborah, but he knew it hadn’t been very pretty. Tommy had just broken up Maria for the umpteenth time when they’d started going around. It was never going to last, Joel knew it the second he’d met Deb. Tommy always came back to Maria somehow, it didn’t matter how badly it had ended – like an endless figure eight they’d always meet again in the middle.
“Potato, potahto,” she said with a falsely sweet smile.
“Look, I ain’t my brother, okay? Never have been, never will be. Now I ain’t got a clue what went down between the two of you, and I’m damn near sure he deserves all the rage you’ve got to throw at ‘him, but it ain’t my business to sort out, so don’t go makin’ it my business...”
Deb tightened her arms over her chest, green eyes glaring at him, still, Joel could see a twinkle of curiosity in her eyes, too. “Apologize for what? You dock her pay or something?”
“No,” Joel let out with an annoyed breath.
“So what, you fired her?”
“No, Deb,” Joel said again, his voice heavy with exasperation.
Deborah quieted down for a second as she scrutinized him, her eyes boring into him. Then, her eyes cleared, and she shook her head.
“You got handsy, didn’t you?” she asked eventually, raising a questioning eyebrow. Joel couldn’t hide the guilt on his face, it told her all she needed to know. Her hands fell to her sides, “Jesus Christ, Miller... don’t you get laid enough at work?”
“Look, it ain’t like that,” he said, shaking his head as he felt his cheeks heat up, which only embarrassed him more.
Joel Miller doesn’t blush.
When Deb crossed her arms again, expression expectant as she looked silently at him, Joel sighed. “Deb… I really like her– and I know ya’ll are friends, and you want to protect her, but you gotta give me a fair shot, too... I never meant to hurt her, but I did, and if I have to spend the rest of my life apologizin’ to her every single day then that’s what I’mma do, but I promise you, you’re going to get sick of me real quick.”
There was a moment of silence in which the two of them looked at each other, before Deb raised a finger to point at Joel, taking a step forward.
“You listen here, Miller,” she said, wagging it under his nose, “Just this once, I’m going to be nice to you, for old times’ sake... but if I so much as hear a squeak from her you’re acting like a bastard, then you bet your ass I’m coming the hell after you.”
Joel nodded slowly, pulling in a deep breath through his nose as he pursed his lips.
“Anythin’ else?” he asked, raising a semi-impressed eyebrow, but Deborah only scoffed at his tone, poking him in the chest a final time.
“Yeah, tell your brother to stop calling,” she said, looking up at him, before nodding towards the back of the restaurant, “Unlike her, I don’t give second chances.”
“I’ll pass it on,” Joel said with a nod, but his voice was already absent as he finally spotted your familiar shape sitting in a booth at the very back of the restaurant.
Twirling your fork absentmindedly through your spaghetti, you listened to your uncle yap on and on about the boys at the garage, and the car he’d just driven down here.
“It’s a beaut,” your uncle said through a mouthful of his own pasta, “1971 C3 model, nice dark green color Ralphie repainted. You know I’m not a convertible guy myself, can’t give up my truck, but I could see myself in one of them cars out here– apparently, it’s being sold to some high-profile actor or something.”
“Really?” you asked, trying to steer this never-ending one-sided conversation towards something somewhat interesting.
“Yeah, you know I don’t keep up with them celebrities, but I’m pretty sure I was talking to the client’s manager on the phone.”
You nodded, letting your fork fall to take a sip of your water. Your uncle hadn’t let you order yourself a glass of wine, the impression that you were still that innocent little girl you were back when you worked in his garage shop hard to shake. Your uncle, on the other hand, nursed his beer.
“That’s exciting,” you said with a small smile.
“Oh yeah, we’ve got this bet going at the shop about who it is–” Your uncle cut himself off as a broad figure approached your table. Looking up from your plate your breath hitched when you saw the man before you.
“Joel?” His name fell from your lips before you had time to think, your brows pulling together in confusion, before something tugged at the hurt in your heart. What was he doing here?
“Hi, sweetheart.” His face wore a quiet smile, eyes scanning over your form.
“W-what are you doing here?” you stuttered out, a panic racing in your chest while a lump formed in your throat. You couldn’t do this here, especially not in front of your uncle.
“I was in the neighborhood– saw y’all through the window and wanted to…” he trailed off, finally noticing your uncle. “Sorry, sir,” he reached out his hand to your uncle in a greeting, “Joel Miller, I’m–”
“Joel’s an actor,” you cut him off, “he starred in one of Mr. Cooper’s commercials a few months ago,” you lied.
You could see the kink in Joel brow at your lie, that quiet surprise he then played off with a charming smile. “Yeah, that’s right– a beer commercial, wasn’t it?” He looked at you with one eyebrow raised. Biting down on your lip you confirmed the lie with a nod.
“You do look a little familiar,” you uncle said, dragging the words out like he’s pulling them from his memory, “they show your commercial on the TV?”
“Oh, I haven’t been payin’ attention, but somethin’ like that,” Joel shrugged, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his tight Levis, his signature western belt buckle glinting in the low light. “Y’all mind if I join y’all for a drink?”
“Not at all,” your uncle smiled before you could say anything. Joel lifted his hand to get Deborah’s attention to order himself a beer, before he squeezed himself into the booth next to you, his knee bumping into yours as he got comfortable.
Having lost your appetite, you shifted your plate to the side to make room for Joel. It was a tight squeeze in the booth, the warmth of his body flooding your senses, the familiar scent of cigarettes and of his cologne making your heart ache.
How could you miss him, and hate him all at the same time?
Deborah served Joel his drink quickly, checking in at your table at the same time. Her eyes were focused on you as she cleared the table, asking you a silent ‘You okay?’ which you quickly nodded at. You knew she’d make up some crazy excuse to get you out of any situation, but you didn’t know if you could handle it if she did. It was easier to just suffer through. You’d suffered enough this past week; you could handle another hour.
The days since you’d seen Joel last had been spent between your bed and your couch. Unfocused eyes rolling over reruns as you let a blanket of numbness fall over you as the hours passed you by. You felt so tired, that kind of tired that sits in your stomach, heavy and pulling you down, every step a drag and every breath a strain. You’d isolated yourself for days, hadn’t showered for days, you were too tired to do it, and what did it matter anyway?
You’d tried to cry, but you couldn’t make the tears fall. You wanted the release, and to feel sorry for yourself, but nothing came. And what good would it do? Nothing. You were nothing. Nothing to yourself, nothing to Joel, and nothing to this lonely city. Just some small-town girl who thought she could change who she was, who she was always destined to be.
After two whole days on your couch, you had to get up, you had no choice. You wanted to cancel, to tell your uncle that you’d come down with the flu, but you knew he was driving all day, and you wouldn’t have a clue where to call to reach him. So, you’d sat up, ate a piece of bread, and had a shower. Every minute you tried to not think of Joel, tried to not think about the way he’d kissed you hello in your hallway, the way he'd held you through the night as you slept soundly in his arms, how his gaze had felt over your features on your way back from Pismo Beach – it was all too much. Every nice memory ruined by the way his voice had echoed ‘Sweet girl’ to Cheryl.
Sweet girl. Feels so good, my sweet girl– just like that. My sweet girl.
How stupid you’d felt hearing those words. You’d fooled yourself into thinking there was something more between you and Joel. You weren’t special, and that was the worst part, because he’d made you feel special. He’d made you feel desired– like he actually liked you. Or maybe that’s what hurt the most – to realize that to him you were just one girl among many.
You’d placed your phone back on the hook in the afternoon, anticipating your uncle’s call, and when it rang, you were relieved to hear his familiar voice down the line. It was all so complicated. The relief a strange mix with the suffocating memories of home. You were different now than when you worked at his shop. Still shy, but still different, more grown up and more independent. He didn’t know you anymore. No one knew you anymore– well except for one person.
You’d felt free with Joel– even before, when he was just your boss. He’d challenged you, made you come out of your shell, challenged your shame, and challenged your guilt. And watching Joel small talk with your uncle, you started to wonder if that was the reason why it had hit you so hard? Joel had let you be yourself, while still challenging you. He’d let you be shy, while still feeling sexy. He’d made you feel seen, until you’d been forgotten.
“You guys will have to excuse me, I need to take a leak,” your uncle said, pulling you from your thoughts, and getting up from his seat.
With his glass raised to his lips, Joel only gave him a short nod as he watched him walk away from your table. When your uncle was out of earshot, Joel dropped the act, shoulders relaxing as he gently placed his beer on the red and white gingham.
His face looked tired, eyes sparkling with melancholy. “I’m sorry for showin’ up here all unannounced,” he started, fingertips tapping lightly over the cloth, “you weren’t pickin’ up your phone and I need to talk to you.”
The lump on your throat grew larger as you tried to swallow around it, lost for words. “F-for what?” you said, voice hoarse and not louder than a whisper.
“I think we both know for what,” he sighed, “I fucked it up with you– never should’ve said those things to Cheryl– even if it was just actin’. I got so caught up in you, I didn’t realize what I’d said until it was too late, and I’m sorry.”
“I-I, J-Joel,” you stuttered, brows pulling together tightly as you searched for your words.
“You don’t need to say nothin’ right now, but I wanna drive you home ‘f that’s okay? Wanna have a proper talk with you.”
His hand was shaking as he placed it gently on your shoulder, the touch making your eyes fall shut as a hitching breath escaped you.
“Joel,” you whispered.
“Please,” his hand moved gently up your neck to cup your cheek, the warmth of his touch sending goosebumps down your spine. “Please, I need to explain myself.” His voice sounded pained and full of sorrow. “I’m beggin’ you, sweetheart.”
You opened your eyes slowly, breath shaky as you tried to hold back the tears pressing behind your eyes. His whole face shifted when you met his eyes, melancholy turning to worry, his other hand coming up to cup your other cheek as he shifted closer.
“Hey,” he said it so softly, “Sweet girl, sweet sweet girl, please don’t cry.” His forehead fell against yours, his mustache tickling your skin as he pressed ‘I’m sorry’ into it.
“O-okay,” you managed to stutter out against your better judgment.
Joel lifted his head, brown warm eyes finding yours as his thumbs rubbed gently into your skin, “Yeah?”
Behind Joel, you noticed your uncle exit the men’s room, and you jerked out of Joel’s hold. His brows tightened together in a confused frown before you gave him a short nod in the direction of your uncle. Joel gathered his hands in his lap, his eyes tracing your uncle as he squeezed back into his seat. He gave Joel a look you couldn’t decipher, jaw locked tight and eyes piercing, before he turned to you with a plastered smile.
“Alright, what do you say, sweetie? You want some dessert?”
Your eyes flicked quickly from your uncle to Joel, and then back again, “No, I think I’m too full, and um… it’s getting late.”
Your uncle hummed, “Yeah, been a long day for sure.” Shifting in his seat your uncle fished his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. “Let’s see if we can get a hold of that pretty friend of yours,” he said, turning his head to search for Deborah.
As he got her attention, Joel fished his pack of cigarettes from the front pocket of his shirt. He lit himself a cigarette as you watched your uncle hold up his wallet and point. You couldn’t help but steal a glance at Joel, watching the way his lips pursed around the cigarette as he inhaled.
“I think I’m also gonna use the restroom before we leave,” you peeped, getting to your feet before anyone could say anything. You felt Joel’s hands graze the back of your legs as you squeezed past him. The touch quick but gentle, but still leaving a burn of longing either way.
Pushing open the door to the restroom you took a deep breath. Joel was here. Joel was here and he wanted to apologize. Pacing to the end of the room, you discreetly dropped your head to check the stalls. No one. Good. Leaning your weight over the stone sink, you looked at yourself in the mirror.
What were you doing? One touch from Joel and you fall apart?
You released a breathless laugh and shook your head at yourself; you were in over your head, but at the same time a bubble of relief sat in your throat. He was here after all, he wanted to explain himself, and you knew that deep down you wanted to hear it.
When you made your way back to the table, something in the air had changed. “There she is,” your uncle said, gathering his jacket, “Ready to go?”
“Um…” You looked to Joel, but something about him looked different. His shoulders looked tense, the cigarette pinched between his fingers were close to burning out, but it was his face when he looked at you that made you worried. The previous tenderness gone, replaced by a clenched jaw and eyes that wouldn’t meet yours.
“Actually, Joel said–”
He cut you off, “I’m gonna stay for another drink…”
His words dropped to the pit your stomach where they weighed you down, your feet frozen to the tiled floor. When Joel still didn’t look at you as he handed you your jacket and purse, you knew something was clearly wrong. Beside you your uncle crowded your space. His hand landed on your shoulder where it rubbed harshly into your skin, almost possessive as his eyes locked on Joel in a way that said, ‘good man’.
“I’ll drive you home, sweetie.”
With a hand resting at your back, your uncle guided you out the restaurant without as much as a mutter of goodbye to Joel. You looked back at him, not once but twice, but he still didn’t look at you – his eyes were glued to the foam of his beer as you vanished out the door.
Back inside your uncle’s rental car you were quiet, sitting with your thoughts as they swirled around your head. You’d been so close to believing Joel; that he was actually sorry, that he wanted to apologize. But once again you’d been a fool. Leaning your head against the window you felt so silly– silly for getting your hopes up.
“I– uh,” your uncle cleared his throat, “That Joel back there, sweetie, he’s not who he says he is.”
Lifting your head you turned to your uncle with a frown, “I don’t–”
Your uncle cut you off, “I don’t want to be telling you this– lord knows I don’t want your aunt knowing about this but…”
You watched how your uncle’s grip tightened around the steering wheel, his nervousness infecting you. What was he talking about?
“But what?” Your voice rose an octave, as you let out a nervous breath.
“Joel does porn,” your uncle revealed. He said it all dramatic, like he was in a movie and this scene was the turning point for your character. You had to restrain yourself to hide the laugh tickling your throat as he continued, “I thought he looked familiar, and– jesus, don’t you ever tell anybody about this but… he’s in a couple of movies I keep in the basement.”
You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, your eyes staring straight ahead down the road. You cringed at the new atmosphere settling in the car, stuffy with embarrassment and a picture of your uncle getting off to Joel stuck to your retinas. You wanted to hurl, this new picture not something you’d ever want to visualize. You were quiet as the revelation settled, your brain searching for words, but it was like they’d all fallen out your ears.
“Listen,” he cleared his throat of the discomfort, “I don’t know what he is to you, if he’s your boyfriend or what–”
“He’s not,” you squeaked, ready for this conversation to be over.
“I saw him kissing you when I stepped out of the toilets,” your uncle accused sternly, a biting lilt to his voice.
“Kiss me? I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you protested, confused about how he’d gotten it in his head that Joel had kissed you.
“Don’t you raise your voice at me,” he started to yell, “I saw it with my own two eyes, don’t you go lying to me.”
Your heart picked up its pace, all the blood in your body turning to ice in your veins. Pressing your lips together in a thin line, you fought to hold back the tears threatening to spill.
“I don’t want you seeing him anymore– that kinda filth he’s involved in…” he shook his head, “it’s sinful and I don’t want him getting you involved in that.” Your uncle’s voice was stern, words spat through gritted teeth.
You were frozen in your seat. Your heart beating so fast you thought it might burst through your ribcage. You didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say. All too quickly you were transported back home, back to who you used to be. You drew a shaky breath as a single tear spilled down your cheek.
“What would your parents say if they knew what you were doing down here? Who your friends were? That Deborah? Did you see how short her dress was? The city of sin this is,” your uncle continued as he pulled into the parking lot outside your apartment complex.
With eyes glued to your hands, you couldn’t get a single word to come out of your mouth – like they were stuck to the back of your throat where they formed a painful lump. After parking the car, your uncle turned to you, a finger brushing over your cheek in a suffocating touch.
“Sweetie,” he started, voice gone softer, “I’m worried about you. You’re out here all alone– all alone with all this temptation. Wouldn’t it be nice if you came back home with me, hm? Get you back where you belong?”
"I–..."
The words stayed stuck in your throat, unable to rise over the anxiety that gripped you at the thought of returning home to your parents. How different your life would be, back to the way it used to be, an old prison you'd hoped you'd left far behind you. Yet you felt numb, finding yourself incapable of uttering a single word of protest as your uncle nodded self-righteously.
"I think that's the best, sweetie," he told you, his tone sounding entirely too convinced, "Tell you what Hon. . . I'm gonna be driving back down tomorrow, and I'll be damned if you aren't sitting in this seat all safe right next to me, alright? So why don't you go and pack your stuff and a bag, and I'll be by in the afternoon to pick you up?"
You said nothing, the rising panic in your throat rendering you almost paralyzed. Your fingers desperately reached for the car door handle; you needed to get out of this car.
Unaware of your distress, your uncle bid you a contented 'See you later' as you stepped out of his car, slamming the door shut.
Finally, he drove off. You watched him disappear with a knot in your stomach until he was just a tiny dot on the horizon, wishing he would stay that way as you tried desperately not to throw up your dinner in the parking lot.
“Hello?”
The electric static of your voice filled Joel with a deep sense of relief. His grip around the phone handset tightened as he forced out a clumsy, “It’s Joel.”
The sigh you sent down the phone tickled up his spine, but before you could say anything Joel continued, “I just wanted to apologize to you… for last night.”
He’d felt awful all through the night and into the morning. He’d fucked it up again. Letting you leave like that last night was the hardest thing he’d done in a long while. Had you not gone to the bathroom and left him with your uncle, none of this would’ve happened.
You sighed again, “All you do is apologize Joel, but do you ever mean it?”
Joel face contracted into a grimace, “I do, sweet girl, you don’t know how much I mean it,”
“Joel…” your voice sounded pained, and it shattered something inside him. He just wanted you to be happy, and loved, and taken care of, but all he’d done was hurt you, again and again.
“It doesn’t matter how much you mean it Joel… none of it matters anymore.” The tone of your voice scared him.
“What d’you mean, sweetheart?” he hurried.
“It’s just… you don’t need to worry about me anymore, Joel– I’m leaving LA tonight.”
Joel felt his heart drop to his stomach, a rising panic bubbling under his skin as he stumbled out, “What are you talkin’ about, sweet girl?”
“I’m going back home tonight. I-I don’t know when I’ll be back– if I’m coming back. Joel, I can’t be your assistant anymore.”
“Fuck being my assistant!” he spoke through gritted teeth, holding back from yelling out in panic, “What d’you mean you’re leavin’?” Joel’s voice faltered as his heart caught up with what was about to happen.
He was gonna lose you. You would never be his. He was losing the first girl he thought he could really love. The girl he wanted a future with. Hell, the girl he could see himself grow old with. Joel knew it was fast, way too fast to be feeling like this about you, but right now, all those shitty romance novels about finding ‘the one’, all those weeping love songs about love at first sight – after you, they didn’t seem so stupid anymore.
“Joel, it’s– it’s okay.” Your voice had gone soft, but he could still hear the strain of hurt in it.
“It’s not, sweet girl, nothin’ about this is okay.” Joel’s eyes fell shut, his thumb and pointer finger coming up to squeeze at the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t lose you. “I’m comin’ over– We can’t be doin’ this over the phone.”
“Joel,” you sighed.
“I’m comin’ over,” he reiterated, and hung up.
You were carrying a bag to your car when you saw Joel’s car pull into the parking lot. He must’ve noticed you right away as he’d hastily parked next to your own car – his wheels screeched against the asphalt. As you made your way across the parking lot, you watched how he almost jumped out the car like he was in a hurry, coming around the back to fill the space between your cars.
“Joel– you really didn’t have to come all the way out here,” you told him when you got close enough, stepping past him to place your last bag in your back seat. He leaned his hand on your door, holding it open for you, his broad form shielding you from the blazing afternoon sun.
Inside, your apartment was left half-empty. You’d left most of your things, only bringing your clothes, your pictures, your records and your record player, and your books.
You didn’t need much more where you were going.
The thought still made your stomach turn in on itself, the dread of going back home had trickled down your back ever since last night. But what choice did you have? It was either your parents finding out about your job and Joel, or going back home. You knew your uncle; he’d never keep this a secret if you didn’t do as he said. If your parents found out it would be over for you. You didn’t even want to think about it; they’d disown you if they were feeling nice, or send you to an asylum if they were feeling extra nice. If you didn’t go now, they’d never let you come home again, and it scared you, you were already on thin ice for moving to LA in the first place.
“Are you just gonna pretend this isn’t your uncle’s idea?” Joel’s voice had a bite to it, and it caught you off guard. Standing to your full height you raised a hand to shield your eyes from the sun. His face wore none of the anger you’d heard in his voice, instead there was a veil of sadness coating his features.
“I– Why do you think that?” You tried to keep your voice steady, normal, you didn’t want him to hear how scared you were.
“’Cause of what he told me back at the restaurant,” he closed your car door, “told me he knew who I really was and to stay away from you– he didn’t want me taintin’ you with my filth.”
Your eyes fell shut as your hand came up to rub at your forehead. So that’s what happened yesterday? Letting your hand fall, your eyes fell over Joel’ face; over his neat mustache that tickled you in just the right way whenever he kissed you, over his soft curls he’d let grow out the last couple of months, and over his eyes. His brown eyes now swirling with something you hadn’t seen in them before. Shame?
“I done fucked it up haven’t I– you associatin’ with me? He’s takin’ you back to your daddy, ‘s that it?” When he met your eyes they softened, a veil of his regular self now concealing that blink of insecurity.
You shook your head as a lump grew at the back of your throat, “You just– you don’t understand Joel.” The words came out strained as you felt tears push behind your eyelids.
“Hey,” Joel softened immediately, his hand wrapping gently around your upper arm and sending a warmth through your body. “You’re okay, sweet girl, tell me what I don’t understand.”
He stepped a little closer, but not too close, his hand traveled up your arm in a soothing gesture. Your eyes fell shut again, squeezing them tight to stave off your tears. You’ve never talked about it before with anybody. Never talked about your family and how trapped you’d felt by their rules and their expectations; the guilt they’d instilled in you for never being able to live up to the person they wanted you to be.
You shook your head, “I don’t think I can,” you half-whispered.
“Sweetheart, I– I know I fucked it up with you, and I know I ain’t your boyfriend or nothin’, but I do care for you– I care for you more than you think. I wanna be there for you when somethin’s wrong. So please, tell me what’s wrong.”
Slowly opening your eyes, you looked at him. Those warm like whiskey eyes staring at you with concern and with a hint of something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. Adoration? Fondness? Love?
“My uncle will be back soon,” you said, voice low, “he wants to get on the road before dark.”
“’s that really what you want?” he asked then, his hand slipping from your arm.
“It’s– it’s complicated, Joel.”
A sigh escaped him, as he ran a hand over his face, “Yeah… I just wish you weren’t leavin’– wish it didn’t have to end like this.”
He didn’t look like himself. Eyes shining with sadness, and that usual cocky lilt to his voice gone, exchanged by something low and strangled. His face contorted into a crooked smile, his shoulders shaking with an unhumorous breathy laugh as he shook his head.
“Shit–”, he snickered, “life’s cruel sometimes… you finally fall in love with a girl and then…” he shook his head.
You felt like you’d been hit by a truck. Fall in love? In love with you? Joel didn’t look at you, his hand rubbed at the back of his neck as he started to walk away, rounding the tail of his car.
“Fall in love?” you asked, hands falling to your side in shock, “with me?”
Joel stopped at your voice, “Couldn’t help it,” he shrugged with a sad smile.
Those tears you’d fought so hard to stave off finally broke loose, a single tear running down your cheek – the tear in the dam of your sadness. Joel’s arms were around you in an instance, strong and steady. He held you so close to his broad chest, that familiar scent of cologne mixed with cigarettes making a sob escape you as you realized you’d never be able to be this close to him ever again.
“I’m sorry,” you mumbled into his shirt.
Joel’s grip around you tightened as he dipped his head against your cheek, “Why are you apologizin’, sweet girl? I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“I don’t want to leave,” you whispered; your tears staining his shirt.
“Then don’t– stay,” Joel said, soothing a hand across your back.
“I-I can’t– they’ll… they’ll hate me if they find out.”
“Find out about what, sweet girl?”
“You… the porn… everything. He’ll tell them and I’ll never be able to come home again,” you cried into his shirt.
“Okay,” Joel sighed, loosening his grip around you, “let’s go back to my place– we should talk.”
“But my uncle–” you started to protest, but Joel cut you off.
“He doesn’t decide over you, sweet girl, you make your own decisions– you hear me?”
His hands found your face, his massive palms holding you gently as he rubbed his thumbs down your cheek, drying your tears. You could only nod.
You’d never been inside Joel’s house before, you realized, as you trailed after him up the steps to his front door. He lived in one of those houses at the top of a long hill where he had the most incredible view over LA. You knew porn paid him the big bucks, but he’d been sensible when it came to his home – well, sensible for LA.
It was a one-story house in the shape of an U; inside, the hallway opened up to a living room where big glass doors framed his back yard and a kidney shaped pool. Warm, dark toned wood paneling clad his walls and made the space feel masculine, but inviting.
With a hand hovering over your back he guided you towards his couch. “D’you want a cup of tea?” Joel asked you as you sat down on his leather couch. He looked nervous where he stood, palms running down the side of his leg like he didn’t know what to do with them. It was contagious.
“Um, okay,” you nodded, shifting a little in your seat and folding your hands in your lap.
Waiting for Joel to come back from the kitchen you tried to steady your stuttering heart. You’d been mostly silent on the drive over, trying to wrap your head around the fact that Joel was in love with you – the fact never seeming to stick to your brain in the right way.
It felt ridiculous – Joel, a successful pornstar, being in love with you. But stacked on top of his confession was the fact that Joel was a pornstar – making a living out of having sex with other women. You didn’t understand how exactly it bothered you, but you knew that it did somewhere deep down – but then again did you have any right to be bothered by it if it paid your bills.
“Didn’t know if you took sugar or not so I brought the bowl.” Joel pulled you from your thoughts, placing a steaming cup of tea and a small crystal bowl filled with sugar on the coffee table in front of you.
“Thank you,” you smiled meekly, your hand finding the string to bop the teabag as you watched the steaming water turn darker.
You felt the cushion dip as Joel sat down, a seat of absence between you.
The air felt loaded. Loaded with the week left behind you. Loaded with Joel’s lingering confession. Loaded with the uncertain future. Joel watched your hands, eyes fixed but far away.
“I… uh,” Joel cleared his throat as he searched for his words. “I wanna apologize to you for– for everythin’ that happened at work on Monday.”
You felt yourself not, drawing back your hands to rest them in your lap, a finger clumsily picking at your nailbed.
“There ain’t no excuse for how I was actin’– for the things I said… truth is, the way I feel about you, I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. You make–” Joel tipped his head, a smile coating his lips, “you make everythin’ just brighter– like everythin’ will be alright as long as I have you… And I know this all feels fast, but I’ve been crazy ‘bout you since I first laid my eyes on you. I ain’t ever believed in that ‘love at first sight’ crap but,” Joel hesitated, like the words hung at the tip of his tongue but wouldn’t let go.
“But?” you encouraged.
“I think I do now.”
His words tasted so bitter and so sweet. Tipping your head downwards your eyes found your hands.
“Joel…” you shook your head, trying to will the words to form. “This… I don’t understand.”
“What ain’t you understandin’, sweet girl?” He shifted his weight, leaning closer but still maintaining a respectful distance.
“Why me?” You looked up from your lap, eyebrows pulled together in a frown.
“Are you kiddin’ me?” He breathed out in shock.
“I mean, you’re Joel Packer– you can have any girl you want… and I guess you already do– at work.” You swallowed around the growing lump in your throat, tears pushing behind your eyelids.
“Well, I ain’t in love with all those other girls, am I?” His voice was gentle; the words escaping like they were the easiest words in the world.
Your tears pushed their way forward, trailing down your cheeks like curving rivers. Joel instantly moved closer, the familiar warmth of his body against your side made the tears run faster.
“Hey, my sweet girl, it’s okay, baby, it’s alright,” he cooed, pulling you into his embrace.
“It’s not, Joel… I don’t know what to do,” you sobbed into his shoulder.
“Tell me and we’ll figure it out together,” he pulled away to cup your head in his hands, thumbs wiping away your tears, “just tell me, baby.”
You watched his face, your eyes dancing over his features, drinking him in. Drawing a deep breath, you told Joel everything. You told him about your parents and your upbringing, their rules and their expectations. How they’d wanted you to be the perfect student, the perfect daughter, and someday the perfect wife. You told him why you’d moved to LA in the first place – to run from it all, from the guilt and shame they instilled in you for never being what they wanted. Joel held you in his arms as you emptied your feelings. He let you speak, humming at the right moments and squeezing you tighter when it was extra emotional for you.
“And now my uncle’s gonna tell them about you and the porn and–” you spoke fast, stumbling over your words, “they’ll disown me– I know it or worse they’ll come and get me… send me somewhere,” you sobbed.
“Heyheyhey,” Joel shifted his hold on you. You’d sunk into the couch as he’d let you talk, your feet slung over his lap as he held you close. Now he sat up, turning your body to face him, eyes locked with yours. “Listen, baby– they ain’t takin’ you anywhere, you hear me? You’re an adult– you’re your own person now!”
“I know I’m askin’ a lot of you– you’re afraid of losin’ your family– I understand! Believe me I do.” His head tipped against your forehead, nose brushing gently against yours. “My folks, they—... well they ain’t talkin’ to me anymore. Don’t matter how famous I am, I’m a sinner to them.”
“Joel, I’m sorry,” you whispered, your heart aching for him.
“Ain’t nothin’ to be sorry about– it’s in the past and I got Tommy…” he trailed off, lifting his head, one large hand cupping your cheek. “Listen, my sweet girl, you’re the only girl I want. I want you to stay, but I want you to stay for your own sake. There ain’t nothin’ you owe your folks, okay? And I promise you I’ll always be there for you!”
For once you didn’t think.
Leaning closer you brushed your lips against Joel’s, and it made all the walls inside you break down. Humming in surprise he stalled before he relaxed against you, pulling you closer, his hand pressed into your cheek. There was no air, only Joel. His mustache tickled your upper lip and cupid’s bow in just the right way, and you realized just how much you’d missed him.
The kiss was languid like molasses, pulling you apart and putting you together again. Your hand found his neck, fingers curling into the hair at the back of his neck – tethering yourself to him. He broke away from your kiss, pressing soft tender kisses along your jaw, his hand brushing down the column of your neck.
“Come sit in my lap, sweet girl,” he whispered into your skin and a rush of electricity sped through your body. His hand fell to your waist while the other grabbed at the thick of your thigh – maneuvering you to straddle him.
“There you go, my good girl,” he praised, his hands rubbing it into your skin. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” Joel leaned forward, pressing soft kisses to the spot where your jaw met your neck.
“Joel, I– ah!” you gasped as he brushed his tongue over that sensitive spot behind your ear. You felt his smile against your skin, teeth nipping at your sensitive skin before his lips brushed over your drumming pulse. He kissed his way along your jaw, nose bumping into yours as he hovered before your lips – daring you to kiss him again.
You took the bait, eyes flicking down to his lips before you pressed your own against him. You didn’t have much experience with love but being this close to Joel felt so right. Maybe this was what love was, you thought.
“I think I’m in love with you,” you mumbled against his lips, your words swallowed by his kiss. A wide smile blossomed across Joel’s face at your words, and soon you were kissing teeth.
“Whatchu sayin’, sweet girl?” he grinned, raising one eyebrow at you as he leaned back.
You had to fight not to roll your eyes at him, at how he always found a way to playfully tease you. You weren’t joking though – you meant it, you really did.
“I’m in love with you too,” you told him sincerely, “I don’t know how to be in love, so you’ll have to be patient with me, but I’m yours if you’ll have me.”
“I’ll always want you, sweet girl, always,” he promised, sealing it with a chaste kiss.
“I uh, I think I need to quit being your assistant too,” you said, biting your lip. “I can’t– I don’t really want to see you with other women… you can tell me about work, but I don’t want to see it.”
Joel squeezed your waist gently before rubbing soft circles over the spot. “That’s okay– thank you for tellin’ me,” he nodded, “I’ll talk to Ronald ‘n see if he knows if there’s any assistant jobs for you over in Hollywood.”
You slowly shook your head, “Ronald is a piece of shit.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Joel chuckled, leaning his head against the back of the couch, “But he’s connected, and very convincin’.”
“He’d never do that for me,” you said.
“But he’ll do it for me– I’m his favorite client,” he grinned, leaning forward to cup your chin, before pulling his hand away.
“You just make him a lot of money,” you countered with a shrug, still sitting pretty in his lap.
“Do I now?” Joel asked, leaning closer with a cocky grin, “’n how do I do that, sweet girl?”
“Joel,” you sighed as his lips brushed over yours in another quick peck.
“Listen,” he started, “It’s been a long time since I’ve dated anyone ‘n I won’t lie, last time it got complicated ‘cause of my job. You know what the job entails, but I need you to talk to me– we need to be communicatin’, you need to tell me ‘f somethin’s wrong– just like you’re doing so well for me right now.”
“Ok, Joel,” you nodded, wrapping your arms around him and resting your head on his shoulder.
“Thank you, sweet girl,” he mumbled, placing a soft kiss to your temple.
You stayed like that for seconds, minutes, hours, you didn’t know. But it felt nice to be so close, to just be in each other’s company, to enjoy being so in tune with another person without any ulterior motive. You didn’t know when, or who started it, but his lips were back over yours, moving in a perfect rhythm. Slow and drawn out, enjoying every second of being this close. When his tongue darted over your bottom lip, the kiss got messier, more passionate, like either of you couldn’t get enough of the other.
Under you, you felt Joel’s cock harden, the feel of what you did to him making your cunt ache for him. His capable hands had explored your clothed body, rubbing softly over the dips and curves before they’d landed on your ass. With a gentle rock, he’d moved you back and forth over him, catching your every moan with his mouth as your clit caught on his growing bulge.
It felt so good. Joel felt so good.
He moved you expertly over him, edging you closer to an edge you didn’t think you could reach this fast, your arousal soiling your panties with every grind. The kiss got sloppy, and you broke away, content little sighs escaping your mouth as you buried your face in Joel’s neck. He was everywhere. The scent of him, his warmth, his hard cock underneath you– it was all too much, and Joel knew it. Tightening his grip on your ass, he bucked his hips to meet your grinding, and you snapped. Mewling into his neck, you withered in his lap, legs shaking with your orgasm.
“Joel,” you managed to moan between the white hot ecstasy.
“There you go, baby– good girl, come for me, just like that,” he encouraged, rubbing his hand down your back in gentle strokes. His heavy hand rested over your back, pressing soft kisses to your temple as you came down, cooing at the aftershock.
With your mind somewhat back on earth you lifted your head from the home you’d made in his neck to place a soft kiss to his lips. Meanwhile your hands slipped between your bodies, clumsy fingers fiddling with the buttons on his jeans.
Joel broke your kiss, “Not here.” Confused, you pulled away, your eyebrows meeting in a furrow. “Let me fuck you properly… in my bed.”
Stumbling back into his hallway, your hands linked, he led you to his bedroom. His decorating was simple: a king-sized bed placed up against the back wall, paired with more of those large floor-to-ceiling windows gave him a view out into his backyard. An art piece hung above his bed, which looked suspiciously like a Warhol, but you didn’t have time to dwell on it with Joel’s hands on you.
He took his time undressing you– one painstaking item at a time, dotting kisses to each new piece of skin revealed. You were practically swimming in your arousal by the time he got to your panties. He had that look in his eyes, something dark and filled with lust as he sank to his knees before you. Never breaking eye contact, Joel leaned in, his lips brushing over the soft spot below your belly button – it made goosebumps prickle across your skin, and a hitch of breath to get stuck in your throat. His lips skated downwards, running along the elastic of your panties, teeth nipping at the bow in the center.
It was like time stood still. Outside the setting sun filled Joel’s bedroom with a golden hue, and bathed him a soft warmth. The way he looked at you sent bolts of electricity through your body, into every nerve ending. He was everywhere, and you wanted him everywhere, wanted him inside.
His fingertips grazed the side of your thighs, finding the thin sides of your panties. His eyes locked with yours and you nodded along with a breathless, “Yes,” before he pulled them down. A smile filled with cocky happiness spread across his features when he hit a bit of a snag, your arousal and previous orgasm making the fabric stick to your cunt.
After helping you step out of your panties, Joel sat back on his heels as he admired you. His tight jeans clung to his thighs and your eyes couldn’t help but trail over him; over his strong muscles, his impressive bulge, his signature belt buckle and his scarlet red shirt with the deep V, straining against his shoulders. Naked and bare for him, he took in your body, those warm whiskey eyes memorizing every inch of it. The rough skin of his hand made you keen under his touch where it skated up your leg, following your form and parting your legs for him. Hooking his hand under your thigh, Joel placed it over his shoulder giving him a perfect view of your wet cunt, while your fingers found his curls to keep yourself steady.
“Look at this pretty pussy,” he whispered almost to himself, “it’s all messy f’me ain’t it?” He dragged his lips along your inner thigh, dark eyes locked with yours.
“Y-yes,” you managed to stutter out – your whole body alight under his touch.
“Yes, it is, baby,” he underlined his words with a finger swiping through your soaked folds, the sound filling the space between you. “You hear? Hear how messy?”
A heat traveled up your neck to your cheeks, making them burn under his playful teasing. “Joel,” you whined, your fingers tightening your grip on his curls. He continued his teasing, placing wet kisses to the inside of your other thigh. The coarse hair of his mustache brushing against the sensitive skin in just the right way.
“Fuck,” he whispered against your skin, “you gonna let me take care of ya, sweet girl? Gonna let me show you I’m only yours?”
You were nodding even before he’d finished his sentence, “Yes,” you sighed. The ache between your legs burned so bright it almost hurt.
With your permission, Joel closed the teasing distance, and buried his face between your legs. He started with a kiss directly to your clit, before he dipped lower to taste you properly. Small and breathy sighs escaped your lips, your other hand not in his hair falling to his shoulder to keep you from keeling over.
The flat of his tongue lapped at the seam of your cunt, collecting your arousal on your tongue, as he hummed in contentment. It felt too good. He always made you feel so good. When the tip of his tongue teased your hole, you had to bite down on your bottom lip to fight back the moan about to escape you. Pressing your heel into his back, your body bucked by its own will, meeting the swipes and zigzags of his tongue.
“Joel,” you gasped when he found your clit again, a tense arousal building in your core. Spurred on by your noises, Joel sucked at your sensitive bud, laving his tongue over it in lazy strokes.
“Fuck,” you whispered, breath hitching in your throat as you squeezed your eyes shut from the ecstasy. You were close now, your second orgasm approaching fast in Joel’s capable hands– or tongue.
“C’mon, baby,” he spoke between laps over your clit, urging you on, “come all over my tongue.”
A hand slid up to your ass, holding you flush to his face as you started to wither above him. His cheeks were warm from your soft thighs, his mustache slick with your arousal as he brought you closer and closer.
“There she goes, good girl,” he said with a ragged puff, encouraging you when the dam finally broke. His grip on your ass tightened, keeping you upright, as your whole body started to shake with your orgasm. Your grip on his hair was tight, tethering yourself to Joel, as you whimpered out breathy moans. Your hips bucked into his mouth, and the heel you dug into his back must’ve hurt, but your mind was entirely elsewhere, lost in the pleasure he was giving you.
He pressed soft kisses to the fold where your thigh started as the aftershocks coursed through you, holding you steady while your chest heaved for breath as you tried to calm down.
“Joel,” you sighed contently, your hand brushing over his hair. He didn’t pull away like you thought he’d do, instead he placed another kiss to your sensitive clit. You jumped at the touch, a giggle catching in your throat.
“I’m not done witchu, sweet girl.” You could feel the smile against your skin, the way his lips smoothed the exposed surface, the sweetness of his smile practically dripping down your legs.
He helped you slide your leg off his shoulder, his big hands framing your waist as he rose from the floor with a restrained grunt. He looked a mess. Hair pulled in all directions, mustache glistening with your wetness and cheeks smeared with your arousal. Seeing what you’d done to him, you felt your cheeks heat up.
With his hands around your waist, he walked you backwards, until the back of your legs hit the end of the bed. He was crowding your space now, the familiar scent of him now mixed with you sent your brain into a mushy state. He pushed you forward gently, and you fell down on his bed, bouncing slightly.
Joel towered over you, still completely dressed. The thought of how bare you were for him, while he was still fully clothed, sent a tingle down your tummy to your core. He had the upper hand, and it felt good. It felt good to let him take control, to be able to shut your brain off for a while, to know he would take care of you.
Across his face, Joel wore his signature cocky grin as he stepped closer to the edge of the bed, the hardwood floor creaking slightly with ever step. You dipped your head to your shoulder, looking up at him through your lashes, and it made his smile wider. He stalked over you, his hand curling around your ankle before he playful yanked you towards him. A yelp fell from your lips, before a giggle broke lose.
“Oh, you ain’t gonna be gigglin’ like that when I’m done witchu,” he teased, lowering himself over your body.
“W-what are you gonna do to me?” you asked breathlessly as Joel dipped down to nip at the skin below your collarbone.
A deep chuckle rumbled across your skin between his kisses, “Gonna make you come, and come and come, sweet girl– wanna feel you squeezin’ around cock– make you forget your own name.”
“Shit, Joel,” you stuttered out as his lips closed around your nipple, “I-I haven’t–”
He cut you off, “That ain’t matter to me, sweet girl, I know you’ll be good f’me.”
And he was right; you wanted nothing more than to be good for him.
He kissed a trail down the valley of your breasts, across your tummy and the dip of your belly button until he reached your mound. Joel got comfortable on his knees, hooking his arms under your legs to manhandle you the way he wanted, spreading your thighs, and putting your wet cunt on display for him.
“Sweet fuckin’ pussy,” he pulled back and spat, and you felt the way his spit dripped down your clit, “Sweetest pussy I’ve ever tasted.”
With his thumb he smeared his spit through your folds, not that you needed it, you were plenty wet from your two previous orgasms. You jumped under him when he brushed your clit, puffed and sensitive as it was, and it made him chuckle.
“You’re so sensitive, aren’t you, sweet girl?” he coaxed, putting more pressure on your clit with his thumb.
Your moan got caught in your throat as you hurried to answer him, “Y-yes, Joel, so sensitive.” Heat and arousal flushed through your body, traveling through your bloodstream, and shading the world in a rose-tinted hue.
Another chuckle escaped Joel before he ducked down and brought his lips to your clit, while two of his fingers teased down your folds to edge at your opening. You felt your hole clench in anticipation, as a whimpering moan fell from your lips.
“This hole is just drippin’ for me ain’t it?” he teased, voice muffled by his lips around your clit.
You couldn’t think, so consumed by his touch and the way he made you feel. You managed to nod and breathe out a “Yes.” Joel hummed around your clit, the vibrations edging you on as his fingers prodded at your entrance.
Pushing forward he thrusted his fingers inside. It was a snug fit, but your arousal dripping over his knuckles made it easy. He immediately curled his fingers, expertly prodding at that sensitive spot inside that made you squirm underneath him and buck your hips involuntarily.
“Shh,” Joel soothed you, fingers still pushing up, hitting something that made your leg shake involuntarily as he circled them against the delicate flesh.
Shit. Fuck.
You mewled, whiny breaths falling from your lips as you hurled quickly towards the edge, again. Joel didn’t let up, thrusting his fingers expertly into that perfectly sensitive spot. When your right leg couldn’t stop shaking, he slung his other arm over your stomach, keeping you in place for him.
“That’s it, sweet girl, that’s your g-spot, honey,” he cooed between lapping and sucking at your clit, “Are you gonna come again, baby? You can let go– ‘s okay.”
The added pressure of his arm sent your hurling towards your release. Your back arched off his bed at a particular perfect thrust; your breath coming out panting and breathless.
“Joel–” you heaved, “J-Joel, I-I’m—,” you couldn’t finish your thought. You clenched around his fingers, a pressure building like you’d never felt before – you felt like you were about to explode.
Joel sucked hard on your clit before he moved his lips off with a soft pop, “C’mon, honey,” he coaxed, stopping his thrusting fingers to massage at your g-spot, “Be a good girl f’me and come all over my fingers.”
With his permission you came with a silent cry, eyes squeezed tight as your whole body arched off the bed, your head pressed tightly into the mattress as you let it wash over you. It was like your body clenched and released all at the same time. Small tears trickled down your temples, your body shaking from the force of your orgasm. You gushed over his fingers, and Joel pulled his fingers from your wasted hole at the exact right moment, right as a stream of liquid released.
You were somewhere else entirely, floating away on a cloud of ecstasy you’d never felt before – the feeling so intense, it made your eyes roll back. Beside you, you felt the bed dip. Still shaking from your orgasm, you heaved for your breath, trying to come down. Joel’s arms snaked their way around you, pushing you against his body as he cooed and hushed you.
“You’re alright, sweet girl,” he mumbled against your temple, “squirting all over my hand like a good girl.”
“Joel, I–” You were still catching your breath, still reeling from the intensity.
“You’re ok, baby.”
He held you close until you’d fully calmed down, and your heartbeat had steadied. You let yourself be held, to just be. Joel pressed absentminded kisses to your skin. One on your cheek, another to the pulse of your neck, a third to your collarbone. He was amazing. He was yours.
“Thank you, Joel,” you finally spoke, “I’ve– I’ve never done that before, it… it felt really good.”
Joel pressed another kiss to your cheek, “You’re welcome, baby– you looked so fuckin’ hot comin’ like that.”
He pressed another kiss to your cheek before he pulled away. Standing to his feet he stretched his back with a groan. You watched how his muscles moved underneath his shirt. He must’ve felt you watching him as he sent you a cocky smile over his shoulder before he padded towards the door of his en suite.
You turned onto your stomach, your eyebrows pulling together in a furrow as you asked him, “Where are you going?”
“Just gonna getchu ya somethin’ to clean up with,” he explained, nodding his head towards his en suite.
“But…” you trailed off, eyes flicking sheepishly towards his bulge, his cock rock hard and straining against his jeans.
He caught your eye, his trademark cocky smirk spreading. Joel turned his body towards you, and let you ogle him as he crept towards you. “But, what?” he questioned, one teasing eyebrow raised.
“What about…” you bit your lip, heat flushing your cheeks. He’d made you squirt for fucks sake, and you still couldn’t ask him for his cock.
“What about what?” he teased, standing at the end of the bed, his hard cock now eye level with how you were sitting. He watched you from above, how you flicked your eyes from his face to his cock, trying to tell him what you wanted without saying the words.
“You want more, greedy girl?” he questioned, cupping your cheek and angling your face towards him, “You want my cock, don’t you?”
You nodded in his hand, big moony eyes looking up at him. Joel shifted his weight, his hand traveling from your cheek to your chin, letting his thumb run over it in a smooth motion.
“Take my clothes off,” he ordered.
Sitting up on your knees, your hands started fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. Above you, Joel watched you – warm eyes studying you. Unbuttoning the last button, you placed a nervous hand to his chest, right above his heart. Under your palm you felt it beat, fast paced, but steady. With a scrunch of your face, you looked to him.
“Yeah,” he chuckled, fitting his own hand over yours, “I’m crazy ‘bout you, sweet girl.” He dipped his head to fit a soft kiss to your lips.
He helped you with the rest of his clothes. His shirt hitting the floor first, then followed by his belt and his jeans, and lastly his socks. Clad only in his white briefs, you took him in. His handsome face, his neat mustache, his tanned skin and broad shoulders, but most importantly (at least in this moment), his aching cock.
“Take it out f’me,” he ordered.
Obeying his command, your fingers dug into the elastic. His rock hard cock strained desperately against the cotton, a wet spot had formed where the head was, turning the fabric translucent from precum. You pulled his briefs down his legs, his impressive cock springing free to bob in front of your face. Joel stepped out of his underwear, kicking them across the floor to the pile with his other clothes.
You moved up the bed as he crawled over you, parting your legs for him to fit between as you laid back against his fluffy pillows, the scent of him overwhelming. His cock rubbed against your cunt, the head catching on your clit as he adjusted himself over you.
“This whatchu wanted, sweet girl?” he asked, guiding the tip through your folds, and coating himself in your arousal.
“Y-yes, Joel, please,” you begged, “want you.”
Between your legs he jerked himself off, spreading your wetness all over his cock, a slick wet sound squelching from his fist. Joel’s eyes trailed over your body before he shook his head.
“Sit up,” he said.
Confused, you did as he said, sitting up on your knees before him. Joel shifted on the bed, leaning his back against the headrest, his impressive cock standing to attention in his lap.
“C’mon baby, come take what’s yours,” he said, reaching his hand out to you and helping you straddle his thighs.
Looking between your bodies, you couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated. Each time you’d had sex, Joel was always the one in control, but now… Your teeth caught on your bottom lip, insecurity an uninvited guest in the home you’d made in Joel’s bed.
Warm hands cupped your cheeks then, lifting your head to meet his. “You’re alright, my sweet girl,” he told you, fitting his lips against yours, “wanna feel you squeezin’ my cock.”
With Joel’s guiding hands, you lifted yourself over him as he guided the head towards your entrance, the head of his cock pushing through your folds. “Take it slow ‘f ya need it,” he told you, reassuring you. With a timid nod, you shifted your weight slightly, steading yourself on your knees before you slowly sunk down on him.
Your mouth dropped open at the stretch, never really getting used to the size of him – even with the thorough prep he’d done to you. You took your time, easing yourself down on him one inch at a time till he was buried to the hilt in your cunt. He was so deep inside you in this position, you felt him in your tummy, too deep for a cock to reach.
“Shit,” you cursed with a whimper, feeling Joel’s thighs press against your bare ass.
“That’s it, good fuckin’ girl, knew you could do it– takin’ all that cock f’me,” he praised as you tried to adjust to the feeling of him reaching so deep inside you. His hand landed on the small of your back, pushing you closer to his chest and making you rock forward in his lap.
“Y-you’re so deep like this,” you stuttered, draping your arms around his shoulder to steady yourself as his cock hit a new angle inside you, and making you see stars.
“I know, sweet girl, I know– feels good, don’t it?” he cooed, and rocked you in his lap again. Your clit caught in the coarse hair at the base of his cock, and it made a gush of arousal drip down his cock.
You nodded your head desperately. It felt good, it felt really good.
“Why don’t ya bounce on it f’me, honey– make yourself come.”
Again, you obeyed.
You started slow, inching upwards just a tad before grinding down on him again, working yourself up and down his length at your own pace. Below you, Joel watched you closely, a lazy smile spread across his face. His hand on your waist helped guide you, and soon you were bouncing on his cock like an eager little bunny.
“Fuck,” you cursed between moans.
The drag of his cock inside you felt like nothing you’d ever felt before. Love and ecstasy and pleasure – all mixed up into one infatuated feeling. Under you, Joel groaned unabashedly. The noises he made, deep and rugged as he started to meet your bouncing with his own thrusts, building a rising rhythm of pleasure.
“Feel so fuckin’ good, baby,” he groaned, “squeezin’ my cock so good.”
“Uh-uh,” you nodded, mind gone completely blank.
The feeling of him filling you just right with every thrust and hitting that special spot inside you, were almost too much to handle. Your thighs burned with the effort, and you didn’t know how much more you could take before he was hurling you over the edge for the fourth time.
“You gonna come again, sweet girl? Gonna be my good girl and give me ’nother? Give that big cock a nice squeeze?” he encouraged.
You were far too gone to say anything coherent and when his thumb found your clit, you knew you were in trouble. Your legs shook from pleasure and the strain of your bouncing, and you fell forward, your head finding a home in his neck as you gasped. Joel worked quickly and expertly, shifting your weight on his lap so he could thrust into you from below. Breathy whiny moans escaped you in quick succession, and then you were falling apart for him with a cry.
“That’s my good girl,” he praised you through gritted teeth as you withered in his lap, squirming and gasping in his lap. Your walls fluttered and pulsed around his cock as you rode through your orgasm. Under you, Joel’s breath became shallower and his grunts more restrained, and even in your cloud of ecstasy you knew he was close.
“Fuck, ‘m comin’” he let out, quickly lifting you off his cock before he spilled hot cum onto your tummy and mound, his panting moan deep and guttural. It was hot and sticky and suffocating in a good way.
As the sun set over LA, you and Joel found refuge in each other under the pink and orange sky. Your panting breaths slowed to a still comforting silence as you held each other close, and you knew that there was nowhere else you’d rather be.
You had been unable to see it before, or simply just unwilling to let yourself see it, but the answer had been on the tip of your tongue all along. Joel had been the missing piece of your puzzle, the part you'd never even known you'd needed until he'd slotted himself securely into that space, completing your life in a way your family had never been able to. Being with Joel felt right, and if there was one thing you did know, was that no matter what your uncle said or did, or what your parents would think, you were done making sacrifices.
And so you laid in Joel's arms, your chest unraveling with the relief of the knowledge that for maybe the first time in your life, you were making a choice entirely for yourself, and that, given the chance, you would choose Joel, every day, for the rest of your life.
and that's the end <3 if this was a movie we'd slowly fade to a drone shot of LA while cher's cover of "lay baby lay" starts playing as the credits roll over the cityscape.
i hope this was okay, and that the ending was satisfying and that you liked it? as always feedback as a comment, in the tags, as an ask or reply is very much appreciated, and they make me super happy! <3 i'm very curious to hear your thoughts about this! <3
#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#joel miller series#tlou fanfiction#the last of us fanfiction#dom!joel miller#the last of us smut#tlou smut#joel miller smut#joel miller angst#joel miller fluff#inexperienced!reader#70s au#pedro pascal
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wish you'd ask me
clarisse la rue x fem!demigod!reader
summary: you're not good at reading subtle hints, clarisse realises that maybe she should've been more upfront with her feelings for you.
warnings: fluff, oblivious!reader, clarisse is down bad, reader is very neurodivergent coded, kissing, flirting, title n fic inspired by 'Wish You'd Ask Me' by Matt Maltese.
A/N: thank you for 1.9k followers!! I love you all dearly, my ask box and dms r always open, im glad that my writing is being enjoyed by so many people<3
wc: 4.5k
You have been in camp half blood for more than 4 years. You have made yourself at home for the last several years.
It was easy to view yourself as lesser or inadequate in comparison to other mortals during your days in the real world before you were sent to camp. The world has never failed to remind you of how different you were. Always too much or not good enough, always special and never normal
And it wasn't like you were dying for some sort of diagnosis to justify why you are the way you are, but upon discovering that you were actually a demigod, it felt like all the questions you've been harboring to yourself was finally answering themselves.
Everything clicked. Everything made sense, though at the same time, it felt impossible. You were a very confused little girl when you first arrived at camp. A girl who just wanted someone to tell them that it'll all be alright in the end.
And you still remembered the first person to hold you by your shoulders and made you look into their eyes as they told you that it was all going to be okay.
The girl with beautiful long curls and dark piercing eyes. The girl that everyone else, apparently, was afraid of.
But you could never be afraid of Clarisse La Rue.
Not with the way she smiles when every time she sees you, the way she never fails to make you feel included even in activities you're not capable of participating in. Not with the way your whole body electrifies every time your skin touches, when your hands brush against each other.
It didn't matter what anyone think, because no one could change the perception you've built of her. Clarisse La Rue is good. Or at least she is to you.
When you first heard of the rumours surrounding her, you did think better than to force a friendship on her. You strayed away from her and stuck to your cabin siblings and your books, but you noticed daily how she'd still go out of her way to talk to you at least once a day.
It didn't need to be a long conversation, just a passing acknowledgement. An easygoing 'hey, how've you been doing.' Sometimes she'd even go as far as cracking a joke with you.
With how serious her face is whenever she make the jokes, you'd have to think twice as hard and thrice as faster than another person to try and guess if she was being genuine or not so you could fit in a necessary laugh when you needed to.
Even as her anger became more apparent because of the new kid's accidental climb to fame and embarrassing the Ares' cabin, she still found time to make a conversation with you.
It had been long since you tried to ignore or avoid her. You learned that her attention towards you is harmless, and that she seemed much more comfortable telling you certain things compared to others. If she has been viewing you as some sort of safe box, then you don't really mind it. You liked listening to her talk and keeping her heart's intent as your secret.
You too, talking to her. To some people, you are reserved,
and to others, talkative. Either way, people find it easy to discard you at any moment they decide you are irritating.
But Clarisse listens. And she asks questions, she's patient- much patient that anyone could anticipate or guess.
It may be hard for others to believe, but Clarisse is more complex than she seems. She had the capacity to be gentle, and she had the capacity to respect boundaries. The more time you spent with her, the more that side becomes easy for you to access.
Today, however, marks a new record for your friendship with her. A few weeks ago, she had informed you of her newfound interest in the history of folklore monsters. What a coincidence that you were currently self-studying on that specific topic.
She insisted that you hook her in on whatever it is you're learning. She had even gotten you a doughnut to eat together outside the library as you told her of your insights of dragons and their theorized blindness and incapability to differentiate a variety of prey.
The conversation went well, she seemed immensely in awe of your knowledge and had no problem telling you how she felt.
You even gave her some book recommendations, though you knew she wasn't much of a reader.
You felt a shift in your relationship that night and had spent the next three days studying more and more about the topic. And today, you had asked her to spend the evening with you.
You shouldn't feel so nervous asking her to hang out. That is what friends do, after all.
She found you in the library, sitting on the floor in between two large bookshelves. She had been right on time and enthusiastically so. The two of you sat together, hidden by the shelves as some semblance of privacy.
Clarisse looked confused when you had explained that you indeed wanted to spend the rest of the day in the library, but she accompanied you anyways.
You could never get sick of the smell of the books. Old and new, they all have some nostalgic past tied in between the pages, begging to be discovered.
You had your back on the walls with tinted windows above your head as she's seated opposite of you in a criss-crossed position.
Today, the library isn't as packed as usual. There were still people walking in and out and checking out the books on the counter, but not too many that it became obnoxiously loud and annoying.
After finishing another book of Monsters and how to spot them, you're feeling knowledgeable enough to explain the lore of the Giants to Clarisse, she had asked you about this the other day, giants have been long extinct to the point that some might even say they may have never even existed. And so you were interested in sharing with her all of the information you have learned about the majestic species of a beast.
You started with the general information. The basic understanding of what a Giant is the mythhs of Giants and the validity of those sources. Clarisse listened closely in the beginning, never interrupting you unless she had an actual question.
She seemed in awe of the stories you tell her of. You don't blame her, for you yourself have been most interested in the topic of Giants.
You were an hour an a half in when noticed her attention faltering. She leaned against the cases of books, her eyes twitched slightly when you began to explain the different types of giants, and the difference of how they operate.
Her hands are folded together on her lap, and you can feel her listening in on everything you're telling her as she adds in some commentary here and there, but you also felt that she wasn't entirely in on the conversation.
The dim lights of the library made the atmosphere feel warm and secluded, even with its vast space and many other campers hanging around in the other tables and shelves. You made sure to keep your voice low as you spoke in fear of the librarian kicking you out.
You had a good reputation with the library workers, they liked how organized and polite you were.
"A lot of people think their greatest strength is their size, which is valid, they are huge, but their real weapon is their mouth." You told Clarisse, ignoring the litter of books by your left that you had brought over for reference.
"They kiss you to death?" She asks suspiciously. You laughed shortly and shook your head. "No, I mean their breath."
She responds with an 'ohh.'
"They're giants, so their mouth is large too, and you can easily tell what they had for breakfast even from their tall height. Their breaths are also known to be so rancid it could kill you, because they don't exactly eat what we eat."
She raises a brow as she stretches her hands upwards. "Isn't that ogres?"
"It's both." You confirmed.
You were about to continue your explanation but halted by instinct as you notice how her mouth keeps pursing together as if unsatisfied, and she has that look on her face that mimicked a confused expression. You're don't think there's anything to be confused of.
"Are you okay?" You asked her worriedly. Clarisse sits up straighter at the question and waved a hand off to assure you she's fine. "Of course, no yeah- I'm fine."
"You seem bored, you're not really interested in what I'm saying are you?” She opens her mouth to counter your words but hesitates to say anything.
"I- well, I like giants-" She attempts, "-no you don't. "
"No. I don't." She admits with a sigh. "But I thought you said you were interested in these kind of stuff?" You questioned her. "Well, yeah, like the general idea of it. I mean, I don't hate it, and I like hearing you talk about it." She answers with a shrug.
"Then why do you look disappointed? If you didn't want to come, you could've just told me. I wouldn't get mad." You told her honestly. It was conflicting for you to see her so confused on what to say, being so picky with the words she chooses.
You figured she's probably reluctant to hurt your feelings. That is a notion you're used to. You'd rather she tell you the truth to your face than to be catered around like a time ticking bomb that everyone's so afraid might explode at any time.
"When you asked me out yesterday, you told me this would be an 'evening to remember." She tells you with such confidence like it was an explanation to her weird behaviour today.
"You don't think this is an evening to remember?" You sincerely inquire.
"No, I do! I just- well, when you said that I didn't think you'd mean we'd be doing this." Your frown deepens as you try to figure out what she means, eyeing her body language closely. “What do you mean? I told you I wanted to hang out.”
A part of you is offended. She was the one who had said she liked hearing you speak, why would she be disappointed that this was your idea of spending time together?
"I don't know, I thought we'd just be doing...something else?"
It didn't matter what she had really meant with that. You felt completely embarrassed once she finished her sentence. Why was it that everyone else had no problem having long conversations with their friends, but when it came to you, it's all too awkward, unnecessary, and odd?
You liked Clarisse, you considered her your friend. Sometimes you wonder if it could ever be more, but you never entertain those thoughts because you don't want to ruin what the two of you already have.
But moments like these resemble a huge slap in the face by the universe.
You couldn't even be good friends with her, how ridiculous of you to think that there could ever be something more.
"Okay, um, maybe we should just go back to our cabin." You decided whilst standing up and picking up the stack of books you're currently borrowing from the library, ready to leave the place without waiting for her.
"Hey, wait." She called out as you walked past her. You spared her a glance, trying your best not to show how upset you are. “We're friends." She says it so much like a question that you weren't sure if she's even sure of the fact herself until she continued speaking. "I like hanging out with you."
Another thing that you weren't sure if she really meant. "Sure." You replied thinking it's the most suitable response.
Before she could say anything else, you turned around and started picking up your pace until you disappeared out of her sight.
—
You have been consistently ignoring Clarisse. Which proved to be harder than expected.
When you pass by her camp or the training ground, you make a mental note to always look down or to your front as to never accidentally cross eyes with her.
And everytime you hear her call out your name, you keep walking like you didn't even hear her, knowing that she wouldn't be bold enough to call for you again. After all, she still had a reputation to uphold.
If ignoring her wasn't hard enough, having to deal with how you felt for her is worse.
You've been avoiding confrontation with yourself for weeks even before you decided to go no contact with her.
And so far, you thought you've been handling it pretty well. Except for days where you don't see her where she's expected to be. You tell yourself that you don't care as you make your way to training in the day and reading in the evening, and yet you still go back on your own words when you asked a passerby Ares kid on where his cabin leader was.
"She's dunking some kid's head into a toilet bowl." Of course she was.
You thanked the dude and went back on your way to your cabin. It's close to dusk, the sky is turning orange and the sun is dipping itself below the earth. You take your time returning to your cabin as you enjoy the way the sun slowly removes itself from anyone's viewing.
You wondered to yourself if things like these are what makes you weird or off-putting to some people.
Was enjoying nature and having niche interests only cute when it's done by girls pretty enough to be cool or if it's only in romance movies or books.
You don't find yourself weird, in fact you think all of your hobbies are pretty common and usual, and yet the way Clarisse had spoken to you at the library last week had made you feel unnatural.
You had wanted to do normal people things with her, but maybe your perception of normal is different to her.
Either way, you are pretty hurt with how she reacted. You loved her still, of course. It's kind of hard to unlike the girl you've been obsessed with since you were 15.
Once you finally reach your cabin, you quickly put down all of your books and your tiny sling back by the side before making it to the shower to refresh yourself before dinner.
You thought it hilarious of how hard you're trying not to care about Clarisse, and yet as you're cleaning yourself up, changing your clothes and attempting to read at least 15 pages of your World's Most Dangerous Beasts book, you could only think of her.
What would it take for her to think that you're cool, what kind of things did she want to do instead of listening to you yap around for 2 hours on what is an equivalent of a boring dinosaur facts, not that you really think dinosaurs are boring.
During dinner, you kept to siblings and had to make yourself finish your plate as your anxiety wrecking thoughts have a way of deriving you of an appetite. You also had to convince yourself to not search for her at the other tables which took more strength than one would expect.
But you succeeded, and you were now sure that the only obstacle left for the day was to try and fall asleep without the thoughts of her keeping you up.
Clarisse is a force, a fierce daughter of Ares, and a cabin leader who had much better things to do then hole up at quiet small places with you.
And just because she was nice enough to mantain a good relationship with you for 4 years, does not mean that you're worth her time. Or at least that's what you tell yourself.
That night, you managed to fall asleep after an hour of recalling Harpy facts in repetition. Counting sheeps had never worked on you, so you had to find something much more active to tire out your brain.
You dreamed of Clarisse with her hair down, holding your hand and pulling you closer so she could slip a flower on your ear.
And just as she's looking down at you, moving closer to do what it seemed like to kiss you, you awoke with a jolt, swearing under your breath as if you'd just gotten jumpscared by a ghost.
Someone's palms moved to shut your lips as you're met with a girl, hovering over you in the dark. Clarisse's dark eyes were recognizable, but it sent a shot of adrenaline through your body still.
"Shh." She whispered to your face, hand still keeping your mouth shut. "I'm going to remove my hands now." She whispered again. You nod in understanding and waited for her to pry her hand away from your face.
"What are you doing here?!" You exclaimed as quiet as possible as she helped you sit up.
"I'm sneaking you out." She answers with a wink. "It's 2 in the morning." You waved your hand around at the darkness and sleeping children. "3 in the morning, and yeah, I know. That's why it's called sneaking around." She corrects you with a grin so devilish that if you hadn't known her for a long time, you'd assume she's about to turn you into a new toilet bowl or dumpster boxing victim.
You sighed loudly and glared at her despite your fast beating heart. Her hand remained on top of yours until the minute becomes more awkward and she removes it as if she just remembered that she's been holding your hand.
Without explanation, she climbed out of your bed and tiptoes to the open cabin door. You're still sitting up and looking at her with conflicted feelings.
Only after she turns back to you, cocking her head towards the entrance, do you give into her request and softly leave the comfort of your bed and trail after her.
"Where are we going?" You asked after her as she kept walking. Instead of responding, she asks you another question back, "Can you swim?"
"We're going swimming?" You watch her shrug in return from behind her and became even more distressed.
"So, is this your idea of having fun and hanging out then?" She laughs drily and slowed down so you could catch up. You walked fast enough until you're beside her and waited for her to talk. "You sound surprised, I would've thought that after 4 years of friendship, you'd know by now that I love doing things that includes active movements."
You did know that, it's a bit hard to not notice how much working out, training and running fuels her even more.
"And why are we doing it in the middle of the night?" The walk towards the lake by the back of the forest was short, considering that your cabin is the closest to the location.
You almost tripped and fell over a stick, but Clarisse was quick to scoop you back up by the back of your shirt. "Thanks." You mumbled to her. "And you haven't answered my question."
Clarisse pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the ground without caring of your presence. You, having more moral obligations than her, twisted your face to your left when she began to pull her trousers off. "Too many people in broad daylight." She tells you.
That is a valid reason, this lake is mostly known as a hook up spot, and true to it's cause, many dating campers have been caught together here during dawn or late evenings.
You braved yourself to turn towards her again slowly and realised that she had already hopped into the water. She had a sports bra on and a boxer.
And though you yourself had a tank top and shorts on, you contemplate the idea of suicide as a better choice than having to strip in front of her.
"Are you gonna get in, or are you just gonna gawk at me from there?" You were grateful for the dark being able to hide your flushed face from her, but deep down, you knew that she probably saw it anyways because of the shining bright moonlight.
"I can't swim." You told her.
"That's fine, the water's not very deep." You ransacked your brain for reasons to decline her offer, but at the same time, a small part of you yearned to take this risk that you've been so afraid of for gods knows whatever reason.
Clarisse is there, in the water and under the moonlight. You are only a few steps away from her. And like she said, the water isn't deep, only waist length. She stares back at you with a raised brow like she's challenging you to join her.
"Turn around first." You tell her. She smirked slightly before slowly spinning to the opposite direction. "You know I've seen you naked before right?"
"What?" You choked out, aghast. "Who do you think changed your clothes for you when you first got to camp." Oh, that.
Your shoulder relaxes as you realize she's talking about the first time you met. "That's was a long time ago." You noted. She hummed im agreement. "Yeah, we've both grown since."
You told her she could turn around once you're inside the water. Forgetting about the heighy difference between you two, the water was high enough to reach your chest, trying your best not to trip underwater the way you always do on dry ground, your hand instinctively reached outnfor her shoulder.
Clarisse held your forearm tightly and drew your closer to her until you're inches away from eachother.
You breathed in sharply and felt the need to fill in the awkward silence. "So, you...like swimming, huh?"
"Yes, evidently so." She answered. "Right right, can't sit still and all that." She actually chuckled at your sarcasm, making you proud of yourself.
"You know, even before I came to camp Half Blood, I use to be a pretty active person, running track, volleyball, sometimes swimming." Your eyes widened in curiosity. "Really?" She nodded.
"The counselor told my mom that I just had so many untapped energy, which I guess is a code for anger issues." Her grip on your forearm moves higher until her palm is over your shoulder. "She told her that it'd be best for me to find a...healthy way, to channel that energy, and for my strong competitiveness. So I joined what I could, and that's how I spent most of my free time there. Besides, I never was that good academically. So, I ought to at least be good at something, right?"
"You are good." You blurted out. Your embarrassment faded away when you saw her smile. "You think so?"
"Yeah." You assured her. Her other hand had snaked around your waist without you noticing. Only when you moved slightly do you notice her holding you softly.
"The moon is really nice tonight, isn't it?" You said, trying to diffuse the tension. You pointed your finger up to the sky at the singular white orb.
She glanced up and let out a 'huh.'
"I like it when it's bright and whole like this, the moon in all of its glory. You don't even notice the starts around it when it's glowing like that." You could stare at the moom forever, even longer than the way you've been staring at the sun.
You believed in it the way children do with their birthday candle. To you, the moon has always been a symbol of hope or comfort for your future. Your fascination for it existed from when you were a child, the way it'd follow you from behind as you gazed upon it from the back of the car seat whilst your parent drove down the road.
The way it moved above you as you walked home from school, like one of the gods themselves watching over you.
"Nothing compares to the moon." You announced aloud, watching as the clouds around it began to gather over it. "Yeah, It's beautiful." You hear Clarisse speak.
As your head snapped back to her, you found that she had already been facing you.
"I like the moon...but not as much as I like you." She whispered loud enough for your ears only. Her face leans closer to yours, your noses brushing together. "Not as much as I like to hear your voice, when you tell me about your little harpy facts-"
"Oh, I haven't told you about the harpies yet." You cut her off. "I just finished that chapter this morning actually and-"
"-and, you can tell me about it after I'm done talking." You blushed and became silent, letting her speak.
Clarisse exhaled breathily, fanning your face with the subtle warm air. "I like doing things that friends do with you, but I don't want to be your friend anymore."
"Oh."
"I want to be more than friends." She elaborated.
"Oh." Oh.
You feel a sudden tightness in your chest, from anxiety or from butterflies is undecided. "You want to be best friends?" You joked, laughing nervously.
Clarisse snorted at your joke, but she was still grinning widely. "Best friends, If that's what you want to call it."
There was a moment of understanding shared between a second of shared gazes before her lips attached themselves to yours. An urgency, approval, meaning that can't be described by words.
Whatever gentleness there was inside of her before had vanished. Clarisse kissed you like a starved woman. Her lips craved yours like it'd be the last time she'll ever know how you taste like.
Your hands clasped on her shoulder and neck for support as she embraced you tighter to her body. You let her tongue slip into your mouth, meeting your own.
And as they danced together, inhaling all there is in your lips, every secret and every confession that have died on the tip ofnyour tongues, you are sure that no heaven nor hell could tear you open to see you back together like this.
You push her back abruptly, letting fresh air fill your empty lungs. "What's wrong?" Clarisse inquired worriedly.
"Last week." You sighed out, chest still heaving as your thoughts clicked together. "You thought I had asked you on a date, that's why you were disappointed."
She winced at the reminder, and for the first time in your life, you had been lucky enough to witness a flustered Clarisse.
"I'm right." Her silence confirmed. "Oh Clarisse, why didn't you just ask me?"
Huffing loudly, she rolls her eyes in irritation. "I thought I was obvious enough. "
Thinking back on it all, it did seem pretty obvious, but gods were you oblivious. The way you intepreted it all so wrongly.
"I've liked you for so long too." You admitted to her. Her scowl was gone at that, replaced by a teasing smile. "And what are you gonna do about it?" Her mouth returned to yours, letting go of all your fears and holding on to Clarisse like she's your anchor, you close the gap between your lips, welcoming the kind of pleasure that you've never tasted before.
#clarisse la rue#clarisse la rue x reader#pjo series#pjo x reader#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#percy jackson#dior goodjohn#wlw
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Plssssass pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls do a adam x reader smut where adam is in heat or anything plssssssss
I had WAAAAY too much fun writing this one 🤭 I was originally gonna do another angel s/o but where's the fun in that? I spiced this up with a sinner s/o
💖 Please send me requests! Send me your own headcanons! I will draw! I'm obsessed rn!💖
Heat
Smut below the cut! Minors dni
Extermination day. Once again. Yaaay! You hid in your apartment and waited. You knew he was coming. He was always coming.
You don't know why, but a couple years ago you were spared by Adam. Ever since then he always comes to check on you. Makes sure you're still alive. He says it's because it's funny watching you get pissed off at every little thing. Every little thing being his annoying ass.
You hear the knock at the door. It's the secret knock Adam made up so you'd know it was him. But this knock was rushed. Desperate almost. It sent a cold chill down your spine. It's not that you like Adam. You just don't want anything to happen to him and would be sad if he stops visiting but you don't LIKE him.
You quickly rush to the door, checking the peephole and there he was. Looking different? You unlocked the many bolts on your apartment door and let him in. He pushed himself past you, "what's up sinner tits?" Dumb name. You shut your door and lock it back up. "Hello, Adam." You look over at him and he looks restless. "You okay?" You ask, cocking an eyebrow in curiosity. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine, whatever." He scratched his arm like he was a drug addict. Itching for his next hit.
Your mind raced. What if the exorcists know he's been visiting me? What if he has to kill me? What if- you're snapped out of your thoughts. "Stop overthinking. You do that too much." He groaned. "Okay?" You walk over to him, his body tenses. "Why are you acting weird?" His eyes widen, he takes a couple steps back. "M-me? Weird?! Ha! That's- that's fucking rich coming from you!"
Okay, something up. That stutter screamed something was up. You put your hands on your waist stepping closer to him, causing him to step back. You ended up cornering him once he was stopped by the wall. "what the hell is up with you, Adam. Tell me, right now!"
"I need you." He whined. You don't know if it was the fact he had no where else to go, or you were being quite demanding but you weren't expecting him to whine like that. But God, did it make you feel powerful. This devine being, whining like a whore. "Excuse me?"
"fuck, I need you, y/n. Please?" He pleaded. "Jesus, it's like you're a fucking heat." You joked but his whimper told you everything. "Noooo, fucking way. Do you- are you in heat?" You laugh at him. "Don't fucking laugh!" He grabs your wrist and spins you around, pinning you to the wall.
～♡✧｡ I really hope you enjoyed! I'm not a writer by any means but I appreciate any support I receive so thank you for reading! ｡✧♡～
"I need to fuck you. I don't want to. But I need to. I can't stop thinking about you. No one else is working, so please." He begged, never in your afterlife did you think you'd see Adam begging for you. But here you are. In your apartment, Adam pleading with you. "I'll do it." He lit up. "On one condition." He groaned his forehead resting on yours. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you want, babe."
You look him in his LED eyes, "mask off." He hesitated, removing his head from yours to get a full look at your expression. "What? Why?" He asked, his tone would tell you he was annoyed by the request but inside he was scared. What if you changed your mind once you saw his actual face. "Because I like to look at the person who's going to fuck me." He whines, he's desperate right now, he needs you. He reaches for his mask, hesitates before taking it off.
He looked gorgeous, stunning, and surprisingly embarrassed. "You so-" he couldn't wait any longer, his lips crashed into yours, his tongue explored your mouth. There was no negotiation on who was dominating the situation.
His hands caressed your body starting at your neck tracing down to your waist before getting to your legs, he lifts you up with ease. Sloppily kissing you, as he takes you to the nearest surface, your side table. Sitting you on top of it, knocking off a couple of books, a small plant and a picture frame among other things.
He releases your lips to move on to your jawline then neck, covering you in marks. His marks. You can't help but moan at the sensation. His hands head straight to your pants, gaining access to your intimate area. Once your pants are off he whips off his robe and lifts you up from the side table. Lining up with your entrance. His eyes full of lust for you. He watched your face as he slid you onto his cock. It was perfect, dickmaster is right. It was like he cock was made to fit you. He didn't give much time for you to enjoy the fit before he started thrusting into you.
His arms wrapped around your back holding you close to his body. His teeth sinked into your neck, he moaned into your skin. Your hands found their way to the back and top of his head, tugging at his brown locks. His wings burst out, twitching and trembling as he buries his cock deep inside you. Filling you fully with his member, hitting that sweet spot with each thrust. "Fuck.. so good y/n" he mumbles into your neck. "So tight.."
His hips stuttered, he released your neck and went back to your lips, feeling you moan into his mouth sent him over the edge as he finished inside of you. His wings fell to the floor and you both crashed into the sideboard, Adam leaning on you for support. "Fuck.. bitch, who knew you'd feel so good." "Who knew you liked dirty sinners." You panted. "Don't spoil it."
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin adam#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin hotel adam x reader#hazbin hotel smut#adam x reader#hazbin hotel adam smut
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Hello! I saw requests were open and came to ask!
Can I ask for headcannons of Sebek, Leona, and Vil with a reader who clings a lot in their sleep? Like even if they don't fall asleep clinging to them they will end up attached. It's just something that happens naturally lol
Remember to take breaks and take good care of yourself! Thank you!
Leona Kingscholar:
Your clinging doesn’t bother Leona, he preferred you being close anyway. It’s almost instinctual for him to be the one wrapping himself around you, an iron grip on you with the message that his sleep was better when you were next to him. You were truly a match made in heaven with how tangled you’d become in the night, holding each other at awkward angles, still able to get a rest despite the constant shifting to get more comfortable together. Leona was always warm, and he thought being surrounded by your scent helped quiet his constant thoughts, so it was a symbiotic relationship.
Sebek Zigvolt:
Sebek can be a sensitive sleeper, as his instincts are all aligned with being alert and ready to fight as quickly as possible, so your clinging behavior can disrupt his sleep from time to time. He doesn’t know why he still gets flustered when you cling to him like that; you were both adults in a romantic relationship so cuddling was a pretty basic step to sharing a bed, but it still threw him off. He didn’t dislike the feeling though, finding it in his nature to be protective of you and theorizing that if an intruder were to burst into the room, you’d be in the ideal position for him to shield you from any attacks sent your way.
Vil Schoenheit:
Vil wasn’t surprised that you were clingy, but it took some time to get used to it, as he was used to being the ‘Queen’ of his own bed, thus having to make room for another person, especially one who wanted to be directly in his space, was a challenge. There are nights where he preferred being in his own space but he’d hold out on arm or allow you to get as close as you could without clinging to him, not minding if your bodies were touching (like your hands on his back, or your leg tucked between his) as long as he had that little bit of freedom he wanted.
#Twisted Wonderland#TWST#Twisted Wonderland Imagines#Twisted Wonderland x Reader#TWST Imagines#TWST x Reader#Leona Kingscholar#Vil Schoenheit#Sebek Zigvolt#Leona Kingscholar x Reader#Vil Schoenheit x Reader#Sebek Zigvolt x Reader
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