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saintsenara · 10 days

Note

Riddle’s extremely fearful and aggressive reaction to Dumbledore when he thinks he’s a doctor (and the fact that he assumes this at all and believes he is being lied to) has some pretty dark implications (which of course no one follows up on). Do you have thoughts?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

and yes - this has occurred to me too... which means that my thoughts come with a trigger warning for the sexual abuse of a child, and are under the cut.

the relevant scene in canon is, of course, this:

“I am Professor Dumbledore.” “Professor?” repeated Riddle. He looked wary. “Is that like doctor? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?” He was pointing at the door through which Mrs. Cole had just left. “No, no,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “I don’t believe you,” said Riddle. “She wants me looked at, doesn’t she? Tell the truth!” He spoke the last three words with a ringing force that was almost shocking. It was a command, and it sounded as though he had given it many times before. His eyes had widened and he was glaring at Dumbledore, who made no response except to continue smiling pleasantly. After a few seconds Riddle stopped glaring, though he looked, if anything, warier still. “Who are you?” “I have told you. My name is Professor Dumbledore and I work at a school called Hogwarts. I have come to offer you a place at my school - your new school, if you would like to come.” Riddle’s reaction to this was most surprising. He leapt from the bed and backed away from Dumbledore, looking furious. “You can’t kid me! The asylum, that’s where you’re from, isn’t it? ‘Professor,’ yes, of course - well, I’m not going, see? That old cat’s the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they’ll tell you!”

the surface-level reading of this scene - which is clearly what the text wants us to go for - is that riddle thinks he's about to be institutionalised for being "mad" - and, specifically, that he thinks that what dumbledore has been told is his "madness" is actually his magic.

[he is also clearly meant to be read as panicking a little bit that he's fucked around torturing his fellow children and is now about to find out...]

that riddle accepts he's a wizard so easily - and that he is so reassured by dumbledore agreeing that he's not mad - is something the text wants us to read as sinister. him immediately describing himself as "special" is set up as a precursor to the adult voldemort's delusions of grandeur - which the entire arc of the series, ending in his death as an ordinary man, is designed to undermine.

but i've always disliked this reading. the eleven-year-old riddle - a magical child raised around non-magical people - is objectively correct to describe his powers as "special" [in that they make him identifiably different from the crowd] within the context in which he lives. the word choice is nowhere near as deep as dumbledore decides - he's clearly known since he was very young that he's a wizard, but he didn't have the precise language to describe this fundamental part of himself until dumbledore offered it; prior to that, "special" is a perfectly reasonable alternative term.

and, in always knowing that he's a wizard, he also knows that he doesn't have a mental illness - but he must also know that this is something it's near impossible for him to prove.

in the real world, if i spoke to a patient who told me:

“I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to.”

then i would be correct to describe them as experiencing psychosis. and i might - depending on their other symptoms - have reasonable cause to admit them [voluntarily or not] for psychiatric treatment.

riddle is - of course - demonstrably not psychotic. but it's not unreasonable that mrs cole would assume he is - the world she lives in, as a muggle [even if she's a religious one], is one in which people do not possess the ability to move objects or control animals with their minds, and if one of her charges is convinced that he can, then she's justified in seeking medical intervention.

[that psychiatric treatment in the 1930s can be described without exaggeration as inhumane is another matter...]

which is to say, i think we can easily suppose that mrs cole has - prior to dumbledore's arrival - succeeded in having riddle "looked at", and that the idea that he's mentally ill and should be committed to an asylum has been mentioned before. i think most of us would be instinctively [and angrily] wary of doctors if this happened to us, regardless of how nice the doctors in question were.

and maybe that's all there is to it.

and maybe it isn't...

in the doylist text, the eleven-year-old riddle's personality is the way it is because he's the villain of the series. where harry is preternaturally capable, even as a child, of all the things the series defines as admirable - above all, enduring difficulty without complaint - riddle is preternaturally incapable of them. he's meant to come across as unambiguously sinister - and the fact that the text repeatedly emphasises that he has control over his unpleasant traits invites us to view him as someone who is acting with full agency. that he lives in an orphanage is a trope which the text uses, like a campy horror film might, predominately to underscore how creepy he is - and the text, in keeping with its general lack of interest in states and their institutions, never really prompts us to interrogate the impact of his childhood upon the course his life takes.

[this is despite the fact that voldemort's reliving of the night he killed the potters in deathly hallows is an incredibly accurate depiction of ptsd...]

but it's also the case that the eleven-year-old riddle's behaviour and personality fits a pattern we might expect to see in a child who is being abused, sexually or otherwise:

he's aggressive, he has a hair-trigger temper, and he becomes distressed even by behaviour - such as dumbledore speaking mildly and calmly - which would not ordinarily be expected to provoke such a reaction.

his broader emotional state is fractious. his mood changes sharply, he seems to feel emotions very profoundly, he struggles to control his emotional response to things, he's extremely easily irritated, he's attention-seeking - and he particularly seeks negative attention, and he's very highly-strung. his admission in deathly hallows that he feels calm before he kills - or before he otherwise eradicates a threat or a problem - comes with the flip-side that he's someone who appears, when things aren't going well or he finds himself in a situation which he can't control, to become quite anxious. which is a trauma response.

he's extremely isolated. the text presents the fact that he has no friends as a deliberate choice - "lord voldemort has never had a friend, nor do i believe that he has ever wanted one" - and his relationship with everyone else he ever meets, including his fellow orphans, is defined by the text as exclusively involving him controlling, manipulating, and punishing them. or: he is always the more powerful person in the pairing. but this need for control can be read as self-protective just as easily as it can be read as sinister. there are hints in canon that riddle is not just some malevolent force in the orphanage preying on mild-mannered innocents. for example, billy stubbs, the owner of the rabbit he kills, is targeted by riddle as revenge: “Billy Stubbs’s rabbit... well, Tom said he didn’t do it and I don’t see how he could have done, but even so, it didn’t hang itself from the rafters, did it? [...] But I’m jiggered if I know how he got up there to do it. All I know is he and Billy had argued the day before." on the rare occasions billy turns up in fics, he's usually - i find - written very like neville - sweet and guileless and a bit pathetic. but the alternative reading - especially when we take into account that riddle attacks the rabbit rather than billy himself - is that billy is someone he would be afraid to physically confront. indeed, it's striking that voldemort - at all stages of his life - is described as being quite physically fragile. not only is he very thin, but he's always cold and his heartbeat is described several times in canon as irregular. i think this is supposed to be a comment on the physical changes he undergoes the more horcruxes he makes - although the idea that the soul would affect the heart doesn't actually align with how the series understands the soul to relate to the body - but it can also be interpreted perfectly legitimately as something he was experiencing prior to splitting his soul. i am committed to the headcanon that riddle was quite a sickly child - and that this is one of the things which drives his fear of death - and i'm also committed to the idea that his obsession with magic is because the enormity of his magical power makes up for his physical lack. he can defeat - and humiliate and frighten and remove the threat of - billy or dennis [or even an adult man?] with magic. without it, if they were to physically overpower him, then he wouldn't be able to throw them off.

he is extremely nervous about being alone in a room with dumbledore - someone he doesn't know, and who he assumes is connected to a profession [and, maybe, who knows any other doctors he's been previously made to see...] of which he is frightened.

he doesn't trust or confide in anyone - which, as a child, means particularly that he doesn't trust or confide in adults in positions of responsibility. he's clearly uneasy with the idea of finding himself in the subordinate position in an adult-child relationship when dumbledore offers to take him shopping for school supplies - potentially because he's worried that dumbledore will try and dictate or restrict what he's allowed to buy unless he behaves in a certain way... and i am always very struck that dumbledore says in half-blood prince: "He was very guarded with me; he felt, I am sure, that in the thrill of discovering his true identity he had told me a little too much. He was careful never to reveal as much again." this is presented in the text as evidence that dumbledore is the only person of whom voldemort is afraid - by which the text means that voldemort acknowledges that dumbledore knows that an ordinary man, mortal and unimpressive, lurks behind the mask of unassailable power he has created for himself; and which the text thinks is a good thing. but we can also read it as a self-protective act on riddle's part. in his excitement, he offers dumbledore information [that he is known to be a liar, that he is in trouble a lot, that mrs cole dislikes him and is disinclined to believe anything he says] which would give dumbledore - or anyone in a similar position of power and presumed respectability - cover to abuse him, safe in the knowledge that he would be unlikely to be believed if he reported it.

he doesn't appear to feel safe in the orphanage and he's frequently absent from it - by his own admission, he spends a huge amount of time wandering around london on his own, which may even involve him staying away for several days at a time. nobody appears to notice or care about this.

he's very independent - which the text again presents as evidence of his deliberate self-isolation and rejection of the bonds of love and friendship - and his independence is unusual for a child his age [i.e. that he is capable of doing all his own shopping for school].

his knowledge of violence - i.e. how he designs the trip to the cave to be maximally psychologically devastating for dennis and amy and devoid of repercussions for himself - is also more advanced and methodical than would be expected in a child of his age. again, the text uses this to emphasise how inextricable the child-voldemort is from his adult self - and also, to some extent, to underscore the intellectual brilliance [his magic is also more advanced than is normal for a child] which his narrative archetype [the exceptional villain who is defeated by the everyman hero] requires. but we can also read it as evidence of his own victimisation. a common sign that a child is being sexually abused is that they display a knowledge of sexual behaviour which is more advanced than is reasonable for a child of their age - for example, knowing in detail how a sex act is performed, or fluently using sexual slang which they have no chance of knowing either from age-appropriate settings like school-based sex education or conversations with a parent or trusted adult, or from the sort of enthusiastic hoarding of rude words and phrases all children enjoy as they grow up. riddle's precise, clinical knowledge of how to manipulate, frighten, torture, and control can be seen as something similar. if he can - at eleven or younger - methodically break down another child until they're "never quite right" again, then this is because he's learned how to from someone.

he keeps secrets. and he also goes out of his way to extract them. his grooming of ginny in chamber of secrets - he manipulates her into confiding things she wants to keep to herself, promises he won't tell anyone, and then uses the threat that he will to get her to do his bidding - is an absolutely textbook example of how abusers use the idea of secrecy to control their victims. it doesn't make his abuse of ginny any less inexcusable if we assume he learns this from being on the other side of things.

dumbledore understands his little cache of objects as trophies he's taken from victims - and the text takes the view that dumbledore is correct in this assessment. that hoarding trophies is something widely associated with serial killers means that this is yet another thing which underlines how creepy - and how like his adult self - the child-voldemort is. but it's also the case that the adult - and teenage - voldemort places a lot of emphasis on gift-giving as part of his control over other people. the two most obvious examples in canon are wormtail being given his shiny hand as a reward for helping voldemort get his body back, and slughorn being buttered up with crystallised pineapple before voldemort asks him about horcruxes. the text thinks this is sinister - and one of the reasons it does this is because gift-giving is a grooming tactic. the text also clearly thinks this isn't behaviour voldemort has learned from the other side. and yet a common sign that a child is being abused is if they have possessions it doesn't make sense for them to own [i.e. a child from a low-income background who is suddenly decked in designer clothes] and which they can't or won't explain how they came by. riddle's cache isn't luxurious - although he's so poor that a yoyo or a mouth organ probably is a luxury to him - but there's also nothing in canon which precludes the objects being presents, rather than stolen goods. if the spell dumbledore uses to make the box rattle is caused by a statement which is both relatively ambiguous and dependent on dumbledore's subjective personal morality - is there anything in this room he's acquired through nefarious means? - then the spell would still work as it does in canon if riddle was an abuse victim given the objects as "rewards". dumbledore's tendency to locate right and wrong in the individual and dumbledore's belief that good people should steadfastly endure misery means he can be written entirely canon-coherently as someone who would think a victim who appeared to collude in their own abuse - such as a victim who "offered" a sexual act because their abuser promised them something if they did - was behaving consensually, manipulatively, and nefariously. and it's worth noting that when riddle doesn't know what dumbledore has done to make the box rattle, he is "unnerved". when he realises dumbledore thinks he's stolen the objects - and that he has no interest in forcing him to admit this aloud - he is "unabashed". perhaps because he's just received proof that an experience he doesn't want to talk about is still secret...

on the other hand, the objects could indeed be stolen - because petty criminality and anti-social behaviour, especially in pre-teen children, is also a sign of abuse.

he can be extremely obsequious - when dumbledore tells him to watch how he speaks he becomes "unrecognisably polite", he ruthlessly flatters slughorn, and he is cringingly deferential to hepzibah smith. the text understands this as evidence that his apparent charm is only superficial - another trait associated in the popular imagination with serial killers [and it's striking that so much about the young voldemort - handsome, charming, seemingly quiet and polite, true evil lurking underneath the mask - is exactly like the pop-culture persona which has been created for ted bundy...]. voldemort himself agrees that his charm is performative in chamber of secrets: “If I say it myself, Harry, I’ve always been able to charm the people I needed. So Ginny poured out her soul to me, and her soul happened to be exactly what I wanted." but his obsequiousness is also a fawn response - a way of minimising a threat by attempting to please the person issuing it. he becomes "unrecognisably polite" - after all - in response to this: Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. “If, as I take it, you are accepting your place at Hogwarts - ” “Of course I am!” “Then you will address me as ‘Professor’ or ‘sir.’ ” Riddle’s expression hardened for the most fleeting moment before he said, in an unrecognisably polite voice, “I’m sorry, sir. I meant - please, Professor, could you show me - ?” riddle could reasonably interpret what dumbledore says here as a threat to prevent him attending hogwarts - even though dumbledore evidently doesn't mean it in this way - and he switches to being fawning because this is something he really doesn't want to happen...

do i think that any of this is what the text was actually going for? no. and nor do i think that reading riddle as a victim of abuse excuses the violence which the adult voldemort goes on to perpetuate.

but i think it is a reading of his characterisation which is both canon-plausible and interesting - a strange, sickly child with a reputation for cruelty and dishonesty being abused by the respectable doctor who is constantly called in to treat his coughs and wheezes, who buys him little presents and charms him into telling him secrets, who then [to paraphrase the teenage voldemort] feeds him a few secrets of his own, safe in the knowledge that nobody will ever believe him if he tries to get help.

and i also think this a reading which is sincerely important.

a significant contributor to the prevalence of child abuse - no matter what exact form this abuse takes - is that we are culturally conditioned to imagine that both the abuser and the victim will look and behave in a certain way if the abuse is "real".

and this means, all too often, that we take child abuse more seriously when the victim is "sympathetic" - when they're from a stable home, and their family are respectable, and they do well in school, and they're polite and sweet, and they look innocent, and they behave perfectly appropriately for their age, and nobody would ever dare to say that they come across as older than they are, and they're white, and they don't have a history of lying, and they don't have a history of attention-seeking, and they don't have a criminal record, and they're not abusive themselves, and there's absolutely no way of suggesting that they colluded in their abuse, and the perpetrator was someone who looks like a child abuser.

someone who is creepy, low-status, ugly, unpopular. someone who everyone can tell is socially abnormal, someone who nobody would ever intentionally permit to be around their children. not someone who is charming, well-respected, attractive, rich, popular, trustworthy. not someone who has a loving family and a happy home. not someone we might be friends with.

but many perpetrators of child abuse are these second group of people. and many victims of child abuse are "unsympathetic", when their social positions and reputations are compared to their abusers' own.

they lie. they steal. they're attention-seeking. they're vindictive. they have trouble distinguishing between imagination and reality. they're violent. they're bullies. they hurt animals. they abuse other children. they take drugs. they're mentally-ill. they come from broken homes. they're in the care of the state. they're dirty. they're poor. they're odd. they're behind at school and badly-behaved in the classroom. they do things which allow their abuse to be dismissed as something they brought upon themselves - they speak or dress in certain ways, they pose provocatively in pictures and post them on the internet, they are known to be sexually active outside of the context of their abuse, they lie about being over the age of consent, they engage in sexual behaviour with an adult abuser in a way which appears [even though it isn't, and there's never a circumstance in which it will be] to be consensual or for their own personal gain, they are flattered by the attention they receive from someone who is important or attractive grooming them, they have complicated - and not always wholly negative - feelings towards their abusers.

and they are still - unequivocally - victims, and what happens to them is still - unequivocally - abuse.

tom riddle is an unsympathetic victim - not only of any potential abuse, but also of the horrors of his life which are explicit on the canon page: that he is raised in an orphanage; that he is grieving; that he knows nothing about his family; that he is thought to be mad.

the absence of any institutional response to his childhood experiences - dumbledore, by his own admission, discloses nothing about riddle to his fellow teachers - is a flaw repeated again and again in the worldbuilding of the harry potter series.

hogwarts - and the wizarding [and muggle] state more broadly - doesn't intervene in any case of neglect or abuse, from harry to snape to voldemort's own parents. the series' individualistic morality means that we aren't supposed to interrogate these collective failings. and the series' black-and-white view of good and evil - and its general belief that violence is fine if the person it happens to "deserves" it - means that it has no interest in examining the ways that poverty, isolation, and neglect are risk factors; that straightforwardly unpleasant people can still be victims; that victims can go on to become perpetrators without their victimhood ceasing to matter; and that the abuse of children usually takes place not in silence and secrecy, concealed in ways which make it fine for adults not to notice it and not to intervene, but in plain sight.

this is knowledge it never hurts to refresh. thinking about lord voldemort's childhood might be an usual way of doing so... but it is an effective one nonetheless...

#asks answered #asenora meta #tom riddle #lord voldemort #if wizards had the concept of safeguarding it would be a game changer...

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cultpastorkevin · 4 months

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Cult Tips for AFTG writers

notes from the resident ex-cult pastor

If you’re in the cult, there is nothing bizarre abt what’s happening and in fact the normal stuff that happens outside of it is what’s bizarre to you. Target? Weird. McDonald’s? Even weirder. I can like guarantee Jean and Kevin never had McDonald’s until they left the Nest.

When you leave, you’re gonna be paranoid as fuck. All the time. Ngl at least for weeks but sometimes for years. Nightmares and insomnia 24/7. Hallucinations too lmao Riko is in every corner of empty rooms and you can hear his voice echo in the confines of the lockers.

I see a lot of Jean wanting to go back to the Nest, but not a lot of Kevin wanting to go back. He definitely struggled, 100%. In fact when he was in the pits of agony from his broken hand, was when he probably wanted to go back the most. Cult is home, cult is safe. Four walls you’ve always known and while it’s a cage at least it’s dependable. They hurt you but by god it always works out and the reward of pushing through this tragic incident is greater than the terror it caused in the first place. It’s a gift, actually. A gift from Riko. He saved Kevin. Cults save you. Cults make you wanna return to them like damn homing pigeons bruh. Give me more shattered hand Kevin screaming at Wymack to let him go back home and having a breakdown when he’s denied fics thanks

Piggybacking off the last one: cults are saviors; you’re nothing without them and they make sure you truly believe that; that everything that is done to you is for you and you’re blessed for it to be happening. You’re lucky even, to be allowed in it. Everything is as it’s supposed to be and order must never be challenged, because it works, and you’re the Edgar Allan Ravens, and this is the most honorable place you could be. All the pain you go through is you earning the right to be saved and to prove your worth every day on court. Only the worthy are honored.

You justify everything that happened and you will start fights and get angry with people who try to correct you and tell you it was wrong what went on.

On the other hand, you blame yourself for everything ever that happened there whether you were at fault or not. Hurting others, hurting yourself, gaslighting the fuck out of yourself over things maybe you could’ve prevented and over things you never could’ve stopped. The guilt is crippling and it eats you alive and haunts you.

There’s a lot of shame too. I see more guilt written than shame but shame is a huge portion of emotions that cult survivors have. Shits embarassing dude like “god how did I end up thinking this wack ass shit was normal” 😐 Shame comes later in the healing process usually, it’s after you have come to terms with shit that’s happened and you understand it. Looking back, you go “Jesus fucking Christ that was a red flag what the hell. Should’ve left then, or then, or then, or then” and then you’re just plain fuckin embarrassed.

Please look up how hive minds and brainwashing are created and work; also Stockholm Syndrome; understanding these would be incredibly helpful tbfh.

Diets are big; everyone eats the same thing; food is used as a reward and a punishment.

Hype hype hype. They whip up a frenzy of one singular emotion and use that to push you into a blind hysteria because you’re more suspectible to their influence when you’re out of your mind.

Drugs. Depends on the cult. But yeah these little bitches can be a huge factor for shit and can help with the brainwashing and hysteria and stockholm. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re being drugged or poisoned until you leave.

OH I ALMOST FORGOT. Dehumanization and then being treated like a person again can be traumatic as fuck yall!! Holy shit! Sometimes it feels worse than being dehumanized!

EDIT AGAIN: you don’t know what mental illness is !! Cults don’t fucking tell you these things lmao. if you show symptoms it’s your fault. Kevin being depressed his mom died was gonna get blamed on him and he was never going to be told grief is normal and it’s okay to be insanely sad. Jean also never got told his anger was correct or his trauma responses to being raped were realistic! They just got blamed for any reactions ever that weren’t neurotypical !! that is all; do with that what you will.

Idk if I think of anything else I’ll write another one but that’s all for now; I haven’t slept much lmao 🫡

#aftg #all for the game #edgar allan ravens #jean moreau #kevin day #riko moriyama #riko was a cult victim too yall #smh keep seeing people forget this #tetsuji moriyama #cult stuff #psycho analysis of aftg #kinda #it’s close enough #castle evermore #aftg fanfic #cultpastorkevin

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iwritefandomimagines · 1 year

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I COULD KISS YOU — GREG HOUSE

masterlist

pairing: greg house x reader

description: when an offhand comment to praise house for helping you diagnose a patient leads to the silent treatment, you’re both forced to confront the feelings that had been lingering unspoken for too long.

warnings: swearing, angst to a teeny bit of fluff, may be a lil ooc as i’m still iffy on fleshing out how i write the house characters but i’m trying <3

author’s note: had this idea and got excited so bashed it out quite quickly while i was motivated af — hopefully you enjoy !!! let me know what you think

“Gregory House, you bloody genius,” you exclaimed, clenching your fists in excitement, unable to stop the words that came flying out next, “I could kiss you!”

You’d been trying to diagnose your patient for nigh on a week now, and with the young boy’s symptoms rapidly progressing and his condition rapidly worsening, House’s diagnostic expertise provided exactly the breakthrough you needed.

You were ecstatic — mentally piecing together just how he had to be correct — and so without another word you practically skipped out of his office to run some tests and reach the certainty needed to treat the boy as soon as possible.

What House had suggested made perfect sense, accounting for every symptom and every adverse reaction to the treatments you had tried so far, and though you usually mocked his tendency to always smugly assume he was right, at present you were immeasurably grateful for his input.

You were disappointed, then, when you rushed to tell him that the young boy was responding incredibly well to the treatment he suggested and he simply gave you his smug “I-told-you-so” smile and rushed away from you.

He didn’t speak to you again for the rest of the day, choosing instead to actually take time to visit his patients rather than deal with encountering you again.

“What did I do to piss House off?” you asked Cameron, Foreman and Chase shyly as you stood near the nurse’s station with them.

They all just eyed you like the answer was obvious, but Chase shrugged, “When has anyone ever needed to actually do something to piss him off?”

“No, he won’t even talk to me right now,” you frowned, brows furrowed, “It’s weird. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong since this morning.”

The group all looked between eachother, as though deciding who would be the one to have to tell you the honest truth.

“Probably something to do with your little ‘I could kiss you’,” Chase replied, doing a terrible impersonation of you and batting his eyelids flirtatiously as he quoted you, “He didn’t seem to like that very much.”

Your mouth was parted in confusion, “Firstly, I do not sound like that. But secondly, why would he give me the silent treatment for that? Is the idea of kissing me that repulsive?”

Cameron scoffed, rolling her eyes, “You’re both as oblivious as each other, Y/N… He’s ignoring you for literally the opposite reason.”

You shook your head in disbelief.

Was she seriously trying to tell you that House was ignoring you because he didn’t like you joking about kissing him?

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“It’s literally painfully obvious, Y/N,” Foreman groaned, “You’ve had this weird sexual tension going on forever and given that he’s usually bad at giving a damn about people, he gets weird about you. And he obviously has feelings for you, so it rubbed him up the wrong way.”

Chase chuckled, “They’re right. He’s only mad at you because you’re the only person he’s never mad at but you hurt the feelings he apparently has.”

You pondered what he was saying for a moment, trying to piece together whether there was any semblance of truth behind their explanation for House’s weird behaviour.

Truth be told, it was the exact kind of petty and ill-fitting behaviour you’d expect from House.

For such a brilliant man, he could be utterly childish at times, especially if he wasn’t getting his way.

Your relationship had always teetered on the edge of professionalism — he was always making flirtatious comments, he always took your suggestions on board more than the others, always sung your praises to your peers and superiors.

Whilst everyone else was certain it was proof of his feelings for you, you had just thought he appreciated that you never pried into his life unless he offered to divulge information himself, and you were excellent at your job.

Of course, you couldn’t deny that you enjoyed your ambiguous relationship, given the crush you had harboured since very early on in your acquaintance. That’s why you always flirted back, always made sure your input was carefully though out, and why you were always singing his praises too.

But it was Greg House — a man who so famously behaved as though he didn’t care about anyone. So of course you didn’t think that things would ever progress past your unprofessional professional relationship.

“Where is he?”

“In his office,” Cameron smiled, “He told me to make sure nobody bothered him, and I think he meant you because he’s still throwing his toys out of the pram.”

You rolled your eyes with a laugh, “God, he’s ridiculous. I’m going to go and talk to him. Or try, anyway. Wish me luck.”

“Is this House we’re talking about?” Dr. James Wilson made an appearance at your side now, his brow quirked in curiosity as he butted into the conversation.

You nodded, “He’s being a baby instead of actually talking to me about why he’s mad.”

You hoped he’d have some kind of more concrete explanation, given that he was the only person House was even remotely honest around.

“He’s hardly an expert at talking about his feelings, is he? Or having them, actually,” Wilson chuckled, “But he’s been grumbling all day. Please do go and speak to him. For my sanity’s sake, if not your relationship’s.”

“Slow down, Wilson,” you scoffed, but though you didn’t want to get ahead of yourself, you couldn’t deny the fluttering in your stomach at any sort of reference to you and House’s potential relationship, “I’m going!”

You entered the room without even knocking, folding your arms over your chest with a stern expression on your features as you strode towards his desk and stood firmly in front of him.

“I’m busy.”

“Busy being petty and ignoring me?”

He looked up now, narrowing his eyes as he realised you were not going to meekly scuttle away like you had done every other time he’d dismissed you today.

“What makes you think that?” sarcasm dripped from his words, “I just so enjoy spending time getting to know my patients and doing paperwork!”

You huffed out a sigh, frustrated by him already trying to dodge the subject, “Greg.”

“Y/N.”

“Greg!”

“Y/N!” he matched your tone just to challenge you, and you scoffed, “Are you really going to be like this?”

“Like what?”

“So deliberately evasive?”

His lips drew together in a thin line as he eyed you carefully, “How’s your little boy from this morning?”

“You are so fucking frustrating, Greg,” you scowled, “Can we have an adult conversation here?”

He appeared to ponder over another joke to make, but apparently for the first time in his life thought better, as he remained silent and waited for you to continue.

“I’ve been so stressed out about that kid, and you helped me to help him massively — he’s likely to be discharged by tomorrow. I was so happy, so relieved, and I said I could kiss you,” you began, avoiding his gaze at first until your final sentence, “And it was a silly offhanded comment about how grateful I was, but at the same time I honestly could’ve kissed you because I quite honestly want to a lot of the time.”

Oh my God — you’d stunned the Greg House into silence?

Your breathing was jagged, “I don’t know if you’re just being an ass because you don’t like being on the other end of jokes, or if the team actually aren’t just blind hopeless romantics and you actually care about me. But I just wish you’d talk to me instead of doing all this and making me feel like you don’t care at all.”

He pulled himself up onto his feet, grabbing his cane to lean on as he inched closer to you.

“It’s a bit of both,” his voice was low, and you were sure that if you didn’t know him better you might believe him to be shy about telling you the truth, “I’m not good at caring, and I don’t usually like caring, but I guess I do. Sue me!”

You took another step forward, so that you were so close you were breathing right in each other’s faces.

You were trying to be brave and command the conversation, but your stomach was doing backflips as it dawned on you that what he meant was that he really did feel the same about you.

“Why would you go silent on me then instead of talking to me about it?” you bit your lip as you spoke, and caught notice of how his eyes trailed to your lips as you did so.

He swallowed thickly, “Didn’t feel right to. Hardly professional, is it?”

“Oh, because you’re the picture of professionalism usually aren’t you?” you laughed dryly.

“Point taken,” he shrugged, “Maybe I was little scared. And we’ve got a good thing going, it’s a risk pushing things any further.”

You weren’t happy with that, not when this was Greg House — king of taking risks and breaking rules — and you were certain that it was a risk worth taking anyway.

“When has risk ever stopped you?” you asked, whispering now as your eyes darted between his and his lips whilst he mirrored your behaviour.

“Point also taken,” he mumbled, before finally taking the plunge and bringing his lips to yours in a heated kiss that you leaned into immediately.

He quickly leaned back to sit on the edge of his desk, his hands finding your waist as he pulled you to stand between his parted legs.

You pulled back, suddenly aware that anyone could come in at this moment and see you — and whilst the biggest risk here really was endless teasing from the team or a scolding from Cuddy, you did still have some things to discuss too.

You didn’t want to ruin the moment, overcome with giddiness at what had just happened, but you wanted to make your feelings clear; Even if it was to a man who would probably make a jokey remark and underplay his own feelings.

“I don’t know your relationship history, and I don’t care to,” you shrugged, moving your hands to your hips but hardly moving away from him, “Well, I’m not rushing to. I can assume it’s not great, but I just want to take every day as it comes and see where things go because mine isn’t great either. I’m not gonna hurt you, Greg.”

The sincerity in his eyes as he gazed up at you made your heart melt, and you could tell that somehow, some way, you had gotten through to him.

“Don’t make promises you can’t be certain that you’ll keep, Y/N,” he mumbled, before shaking off his own words and standing back up to stare into your eyes intently, “But fine. Because it’s you, I’m willing to try. Provided there’s more of this,” he kissed you again before continuing, “And less of them ogling and concocting their little romantic stories about the lovely doctor Y/N and her damaged old fool.”

You turned around to see the entire team peering through the window, all smiles and whispered chatter at the sight before them.

You raised your middle finger to them, turning back to look at House and stepping back a little from him.

“Unfortunately, those nosey fuckers are not going anywhere,” you rolled your eyes, “If you’re willing to try then we’re going for dinner. Tonight. And we’re going to have a good time, and not talk about this place or about anything you don’t want to.”

He nodded, “I’ll pretend I’m not furious you’ve robbed me of making the grand romantic gesture of being the one to ask,” he cocked his head as he joked, truthfully very much pleased you were the one to ask and confirm that your interest in him was genuine, “But sounds good to me. I’ll wear my nicest tux, eh.”

“Yeah, yeah, ha ha,” you hummed, “Now I’ve got a living patient to go and visit thanks to you. Enjoy your afternoon with that lot,” you gestured to your friends, who were all still stood there watching you, “Good luck. Oh, and pick somewhere to book for us to eat. That can be your grand romantic gesture, hm.”

“Gee, thanks,” he laughed, shaking his head, “I’ll see you later.”

“See you later,” you grinned, swanning out of his office with the biggest smile possible painting your features.

You nudged past your friends as they watched you walk down the corridor, happier than they had probably ever seen you in the time that you’d known them.

They immediately filed into House’s office when you were out of sight, and his head fell back in irritation for a moment despite the smile still gracing his lips.

“Things went well, then?”

“Go away,” he replied, “I’m in a good mood for once, and you idiots aren’t going to ruin that, alright?”

“Woah, okay,” Foreman laughed, “Who are you and what has Y/N done with Greg House?”

———

thanks for reading !!! i hope enjoyed and this wasn’t too ooc lol. let me know what you though pleaaase & if you’d like — feel free to request!

in the meantime, here is my masterlist!

#greg house #greg house x reader #gregory house x reader #gregory house #house md #house md imagine #house md imagines #house md one shot #greg house x you #greg house x y/n #dr greg house

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anti-endo-haven · 30 days

Note

What’s the real harm done by someone who became plural due to being a writer, which is actually an incredibly common experience?

What’s the real harm done by someone whose religious or spiritual practices involve plurality due to sharing their mind with those who they worship?

What’s the real harm in someone who views their imaginary friends as headmates in order to cope with loneliness, isolation, or mental illness?

This blog is not doing the good you think it is. Being anti-endo is not such a noble thing, and it actually comes across as bigoted in a lot of ways, the very least of which is dismissive to those of other spiritual beliefs and ableist to those who are literally disabled who still experience plurality without trauma.

Being plural by writing is not a common experience.

I have never seen any other spiritual practices need someone or make someone become plural.

The harm doesn’t come by imaginary friends.

The real harm that all of what you said does is the further demonization of endogenics, “non-traumagenic system,” and people like you do to a disorder that is cherry picked from. The harm is that you will always scream “bigot” and “ableist” like a boy that will always cry wolf because you’re not getting your way. The harm is that the more endogenics, “non-traumagenics,” tulpagenics, and people that support these people take away resources from OSDDID systems.

I cannot find a therapist that supports what I need. I cannot find a therapist that will openly say that they will support OSDD or DID. I cannot find a therapist that will help support me to heal from OEA. The more people fake, the worse it becomes for systems. The harm done to genuine systems who cannot get out of endo and pro-endo spaces because of this sort of thing that you do.

Tulpagenics have taken away a practice so dear to those that participated and has offended a culture. You cannot be so daft as to think that anti-endos are the ones causing harm.

I’m here as a means of giving community to people like me a place to get away from people like you. If you can’t accept that, block me and move on. You can believe what you want to believe but do not put it here.

I don’t care if I’m being noble or not, I don’t care if someone sees me as doing something amazing. I care on having a community that won’t shove things down my throat as a means of conforming to the masses. I’m used to being infamous with a terrible reputation, I don’t care if that never changes. It will be expected of me to do bad things so I’m as free as I’ll ever need to be.

And I can continue being free from the muck you’ve spilled here.

You cannot be plural without trauma. Just because some don’t remember their trauma doesn’t mean that those that know are noble either.

You’re not noble for coming here.

You and the people that want to scream what you do are the ones that treat a disorder like a gender identity and the ones that want to harm others and tell others terrible things because you can’t handle it.

You can’t get everything you want in life. Best to learn it young.

Get off of my blog, my page, and away from my people. Go ass kiss to yours and I’ll continue treating mine like royalty.

#anti endo #did system #system #osddid #traumagenic system #endos dni #actually did #endos not for you #actually traumagenic #did plural #did plurality #osdd plural #osdd plurality

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charmedreincarnation · 8 months

Note

Hey I’ve read a little about the law and I kind of don’t care about it. I’ve manifested well without it and honestly it just seems like an over complication so I can still get into the void without using it, because most people do, but everyone on tumblr seems to disagree with that sentiment

Funny story, I actually shifted before I even properly leaned about the law.

I remember this one girl on Reddit who was a very popular shifter told everyone that the key to shifting was the law of assumption and Neville Goddard lectures. She shifted to Harry Potter after understanding his lectures and it only took her only a week after being on her journey for two years.

At this point, I was sooo depressed and down bad to shift. I had tried every single method under the sun on Reddit, Quora, amino, YouTube, and others methods derived from religion….so her telling me this man was my key was an absolute dream. Again I was down bad, so atp I would have eaten cow shit if that’s what it took to shift 😭😭 it is maddening thinking about how depressed and obsessed I was with it but whatever I’m up now.

Anyways I still never really got into the law because it was boring and his lectures made me fall asleep at the time. I was like 17 and didn’t really care how or why shifting worked, I just wanted to escape tbh. Anyways I decided to actually take the law seriously but then the creator who introduced me to the law left Reddit and shifting media because she believed she was mentally ill, and shifting was fake and she had to get therapy.

I remember I hated Neville and the law of assumption after that so I dropped it, which is super funny to me because why was I blaming a dead man for this situation. I avoided it with my life and anytime someone recommended it to me I got unhealthily mad and told them to shut up probably idk. I was 17 and depressed and in a really bad place and that situation just made me spiral beyond anything and ruined my mental health.

Anyways I focused on manifesting better mental health and a better life after that,and shifted my attention to just intention which is literally the everything inside an assumption. I ended up shifting obviously and then I dove into the law out of curiosity because after I did it I just wanted to know.. I guess the logistics behind it because it was a cool phenomenon to me.

But this wasn’t until 6 months after I shifted and now.. well I obviously love the law and understand it and have a blog dedicated to it so I obviously use and recommend it!

What I will say is everything we learn with the law, 3D and 4D, dwelling in imaginations, states, affirm and persist, the ego, I am state, persistence, you know all that good jazz that I even talk about, is simply because we wanna learn and understand it properly. If you don’t want to use the law or whatever that’s fine but understanding assumption creates reality is the bases of everything.

Just understand that and it’s literally the same thing without all the other stuff lol. I guess that’s why I love intention! it’s the premise of everything we do. Intending, wanting, desiring, whatever and then assuming it to be true is so simple and it works. At least that’s how I shifted anyways. Regardless you use the law even if you’re not aware of it, and there are people entering the void, manifesting, and shifting without knowing the law so why would that be different for you?

So if you wanna use the void (which is literally within you, so hating it means hating your pure state of consciousness which is weird)why would the discussion about it even matter unless you assume it does anyways. Idk my perception around it is completely different since I have met a lot of people with experiences with the void (like my church friend who died) but not the way the tumblr girlies use it. It’s valid regardless!

Literally just assume whatever benefits you and resonates with you will work and it will work, point blank periodt.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #my asks #void state #reality shifting

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awwyeah107 · 4 months

Text

2023 Fic Recs

Hello and welcome to my GIANT fic recs from 2023 post :)

I have been utterly obsessed with Tolkien’s works this entire year, and I’ve read more fanfiction in one year than I ever have before. My primary fandom this year was Tolkien, and I’m honestly rather astonished that it’s held my attention as long as it has, especially considering that this is a “recurring” hyperfixation (aka, this is not the first time I’ve had this hyperfixation).

So buckle up, ‘cause this is going to be a crazy long ride. The vast majority of these fics are Tolkien fics, but I’ve got a couple of non-Tolkien fics at the very end, and overall there's about 90-ish fics here in this bad boy XD

For each fic, I’ll give a one-sentence summary and then my thoughts on the fic!

I’m sorting them into oneshots, multi-chapter fics, series, in-progress stories, and misc & non-Tolkien fics. Within those sections, I'll loosely group them by various qualifiers like characters, time periods, and locations.

Intro: What to Expect & Fics Legend

Expect: Lots of fluff, lots of angst. Mostly genfic. Mostly Silmfics featuring or focused on kidnap fam, Fëanorians, Halenthir, Arafinwëons. Some Lord of the Rings and/or Hobbit characters are featured, so if you aren’t familiar with The Silmarillion, there are definitely fics that include characters a non-Silm reader would know. Most fics are rated T, with a few rated M.

Do not expect: Stories with a focus on romantic!Russingon (or any other first cousins x cousins ships—those really give me the ick), smut, or really gory or dark stories. No E-rated fics (with one *singular* exception where I did not know it was E-rated at first and only has a few E-rated scenes that can be skipped).

Fics Legend/Key These emojis are used to denote any stories that do have the following elements, and I’ll do my best to put appropriate warnings/mentions of certain potentially triggering topics as well, when needed.

🔒 Fic only available to AO3 users

⚠️ Features smut (skippable/not essential to the story or the focus of the story)

*️⃣ Features background/non-primary romantic!Russingon

🩸 Features somewhat graphic violence and/or heavy topics (including abuse and severe trauma or mental illness)

As I said, I’ll do my best to put appropriate warnings. However, a) there’s some stuff that just comes with the territory; Tolkien does not shy away from violence and trauma, and b) this is such a long list that I honestly may not remember if some of them apply to certain stories. Most if not all the stories do have content warnings given by the author as appropriate/necessary, so if I miss something, the author and/or the fic tags should tell you about it. My apologies if I do miss anything.

I will tag authors who are here on Tumblr; I've included multiple fics by the same authors, so I will only tag each author once.

Also, this may go without saying, but I feel like it does need saying: Your mileage may vary with these fics, especially those that are not particularly fluffy. For example, I don’t like romantic!Russingon, but I’m willing to read some stories with them in the background. I also don’t like smut, so I don’t read stories that prominently feature it, but if I’m already enjoying a story and I come across it, I will skip it. Same kind of thing with intense violence—I’ll skip or skim what I need to. So, read what you’re comfortable with, and don’t read or skip what you aren’t.

I want to give a massive thank-you to all of the fic authors, all of the people posting meta, and all of the artists out there. I was inspired to re-read The Silmarillion (for the third time) this year, and I highly doubt I would’ve been able to actually get myself to do that without all of the amazing stories and musings and art out there that drove me back to the canon we all love. So thank you ❤️

Oneshots

Haleth x Caranthir (Halenthir)

She is the Sunlight by @dreamingthroughthenoise (aka Alantie)🔒 - Caranthir and Haleth have a hike and a conversation. When I saw the title of this fic, I immediately thought of the Trading Yesterday song with the same name—and it turns out, the fic was named after the song, which fits Caranthir/Haleth as a ship so well! The fic itself is (bitter)sweet and beautiful, and I really enjoyed it.

easily sever what was never one by vauquelin - Haleth and Finrod have a discussion, and Haleth pays a visit to Caranthir. I loved reading this fic, and I’ve come back to reread it at least once. It was quite amusing at times, and I really enjoyed Haleth’s no-nonsense characteristics. The debates and discussions she has with Finrod and Caranthir are delightful to read—plus, I enjoyed Haleth and Caranthir’s dynamic and the waxing and waning tension between them. (Warnings: The fic outright says that Caranthir and Haleth have had and do have sex, in generally crude/slang terms, and there is one paragraph/section where things are described a little, but it can be easily skipped and I would not consider it explicit.)

Call It What It Is (Whatever It Might Be) by @sweetteaanddragons (aka Drag0nst0rm on AO3) (featuring art from @lidoshka) - Haleth is visited by several elves related to Caranthir, which raises her suspicions. A delightfully fun oneshot that had me grinning a lot! I love Caranthir/Haleth fics, especially when Caranthir’s denying he’s got a crush on her. Not a lot of Caranthir interacting with Haleth directly in this one, but it’s a great fic. The art was fantastic, I absolutely love Lidoshka’s art style!

Kidnap Fam

Enough by dreamingthroughthenoise (aka Alantie) 🔒 - Maglor and Maedhros argue over the twins, but later Maedhros comes to join Maglor and the twins on a picnic. This one’s a bit angsty, but it does have some sweet moments in it! I like the discussions the characters have; they feel thoughtful and well-characterized, especially in terms of how Maglor and Maedhros respond to each other. Both brothers have strong emotions, but they don’t go out of their way to be hurtful to each other.

Nightmares by @brievel - Snapshots of Maedhros experiencing nightmares and how Elrond and Elros respond. This is one of my favorite “Maedhros is having nightmares” fics where it features Elrond and Elros. It’s definitely angsty and tense, but I love seeing how the twins’ responses change over the course of the story. It really shows how their trust of Maedhros and Maglor develops.

Dawn (The Nightmares Remix) by sweetteaanddragons (aka Drag0nst0rm on AO3) - The aftermath of one of Maedhros’ nightmares from “Nightmares.” Good and angsty with relief by the end! I loved Maedhros’ reflections on the past (his memories of how he was trusted in Tirion with little ones are especially painful) and every aspect of Maglor’s interactions with his brother.

Chill in Your Heart, Life in Your Wings by @jaz-the-bard - After the Third Kinslaying, Elrond and Elros are kidnapped by a band of human raiders in Sirion, who decide to bring them to Maedhros and Maglor. I love JaztheBard’s kidnap fam fanfics, and this one is no exception. It’s a lovely oneshot with lots of feels! Features VERY cute Elrond and Elros. I just about died from cuteness during the fish book part, specifically.

Outrun the Storm by @secretlythranduil - Elrond and Elros are scared of the storm. I love a good kidnap fam thunderstorm fic, and I particularly love all the little details in this one: the guards joking about the claps of thunder being Morgoth’s footsteps, the twins thinking about what kind of state they would find Maedhros in, the reminder of how the Fëanorians found them in Sirion, and how Maedhros picks them up like Maglor had.

In Valinor pre-kinslaying #1

Unruly and ill-behaved, downright feral even by @swanhild - Fëanor and Nerdanel wrangle their rowdy, unruly bunch of elflings. This was quite amusing and adorable!!! I love the younger elflings’ antics and the older elflings’ “teen troubles” (so to speak), and Fëanor and Nerdanel parenting all of them.

Lack of All Trades by @darkfrozenabyss - Young Maitimo doubts that he has a trade or a craft. Cute father-son feels! I loveloveLOVE baby Maedhros and I loved getting to see Fëanor comforting him.

In Valinor post-kinslaying #1

The Spirit of the Law by @mynameisjessejk - Caranthir is re-embodied in Valinor. mynameisjessejk is one of my favorite authors who write the genre of “elves dealing with re-embodiment in Valinor.” This oneshot, along with the other re-embodiment fics they’ve written, is super super good. I really liked this take on Caranthir’s return, and I enjoyed the development of the Caranthir-Finrod friendship—one that isn’t usually seen in fic!

The Return of the House of Finwë by mynameisjessejk - The tales of the re-embodiment of five different members of the House of Finwë. Aaaaaa, this was such a heart-wrenching, feels-filled read! And so wonderful. I loved reading about each character coming back and seeing their reactions to those who came to meet them.

Pity Found by brievel and darkfrozenabyss - Fëanor and his sons are re-embodied in Valinor. Such an emotional fic! All the feels were amazing. I really enjoyed the fic, and I liked how the end left it open for the family to work things out further.

Beyond the Western World by thearrogantemu - Finrod and Curufin meet in Valinor. I really enjoyed this reckoning between the two of them! Finrod has such control in this conversation, yet he still has compassion for Curufin in a way. I liked how their conversation flowed and alternated between focusing on the present and the past. I think both of them needed to speak to each other, not only for closure but also to fully realize things about themselves. It was already a detailed story, but all the little reminders that they knew each other so well lent an even greater sense of depth to the story, which was beautiful. (Plus, I love the title.)

Though All Whom Ye Have Slain Should Entreat For You by thearrogantemu *️⃣ - Thingol has a conversation with Maedhros in Valinor. VERY interesting fic. I had never thought about Thingol and Maedhros interacting before, but hey, that’s what fanfiction is for, right? This was an incredible ride. I loved reading their back-and-forth debate and how calculating and emotional both were. Highly recommend if you’re in the mood for unusual character interactions and a very intellectual and emotionally charged discussion.

There Are Fires, There Is Laughter by ithilielthechosenone - Galadriel and Aredhel take a walk and catch up after Aredhel is re-embodied. I really enjoyed this. It is so beautiful and contemplative, and I love reading about the only two female descendants in the 3rd generation of the house of Finwë.

Finwëons in Beleriand/Middle-Earth

Regrets by dreamingthroughthenoise (aka Alantie on AO3) 🔒 - The Ambarussa have a discussion before the Fëanorians attack Sirion. I really like the characterization of Amrod and Amras in this fic! The way they decided to try to take responsibility for leading the attack in order to spare Maglor and Maedhros is heartbreaking but makes so much sense. I also had never considered how the situation with Eluréd and Elurín might have affected them, so it was interesting to read an interpretation of that!

Lands of the March by @cycas (aka bunn on AO3) - Maedhros discusses the lands and duties he has given to each of his brothers with Amrod and Amras. Quite an enjoyable oneshot! Maedhros is logical…but also quite caring, at the end of the day. I found myself smiling reading it!

Oh Makalaurë… by caeciliusestinforo - Maglor’s guilt over never going to find Maedhros in Thangorodrim causes him to neglect his health, which has consequences. I loved this fic. I’m a sucker for Maglor beating himself up over Maedhros’ torment and then coming to accept it, and Maglor’s desperation is depicted very well.

All the scars we can not see by waitingfover - Fingon has a flashback when he visits Himring. Awwww, poor Finno! Felt a lot of sympathy for him. It definitely felt like he didn’t really want to say what was going on, perhaps because it felt so obvious, but he did. Wish I could’ve given him a hug like Maedhros did.

i will not say the day is done by @southfarthing - Fingon and Maedhros avoid the conversation waiting to happen after Fingon rescues Maedhros from Thangorodrim. SO angsty, so intense, and so good!!! Maedhros and Fingon both have such different viewpoints on what happened and the context surrounding it—it pulls on my heartstrings to see them both struggling, but it makes it all the more poignantly beautiful when they can finally face each other.

Mithrim by @warrioreowynofrohan (aka WarriorEowyn on AO3) - Maedhros has three conversations with different people after his rescue from Thangorodrim. Oh my gosh, this fic is so freaking GOOD! Maedhros and Fingon’s first interaction was so intense and so good (“I’m sorry—” “You’re sorry?” was absolutely iconic. I practically shrieked and had to stop reading for a moment to compose myself). The fic also has a good dose of Maglor guilt, which I’m always happy to read!

Non-Finwëons in Beleriand/Middle-Earth

An evening off by earthbound_misfit - Rog enjoys spending an evening with his friend Egalmoth after work. This was such a good oneshot! So refreshing and peaceful. It felt like having a home-cooked meal :) Lovely!

Sharp Things in the Way by @dawnfelagund - A character study of Daeron, of sorts. This fic is a beautiful mosaic of moments in Daeron’s life—it’s all so bittersweet and deep and full of twisting emotions, and I honestly feel a bit of pity for Daeron after reading it. I haven’t read many fics focused on him, but I really like this one. I thought his and Maglor’s dancing around each other and the musical techniques they shared and took from each other were particularly fascinating parts of the story.

Reflections on Injustice by @hwestalas - Túrin sees Beleg heal a march-warden, and he himself later has the chance to help Beleg heal. Sweet, and a little painful! I enjoyed it. Beleg as a healer and a warrior is awesome, and I liked reading Túrin’s shifting emotions.

see it fall, child of war by swanmaiden 🩸 - Elwing says goodbye to her children. If I had to use one word to describe this fic, it would be “heartbreaking.” I expected it to be painful, and it really, truly was. I teared up reading Elwing telling Elrond and Elros she loved them, and I could feel the fear and anguish felt by the elves around Elwing. This fic really made me feel the terrible weight of the Fëanorians attacking Sirion, which was meant to be a refuge, and I think it was meant to do that. Very well-written!

Among the reeds by Adlanth - Elwing, Tuor, and those of Edain heritage spend time together in Sirion. I absolutely LOVED this!!! This is one of the first fics I’ve read that focus on the Edain and their heritage. I feel like they tend to be less appreciated in fandom, in favor of the house of Finwë (although I’ve definitely seen fics and meta about the Númenoreans). In any case, this was a delightful fic; I really liked seeing the small community of humans grow together and share their culture and history (mainly of the house of Bëor). Beautiful.

LOTR/Hobbit Characters

In A Yellow Wood by @lordgrimwing - Modern AU where Thranduil, wife, and young Legolas go on a hike. SUPER super cute oneshot!! Really enjoyed it. I love how Thranduil and his wife play with Legolas!

The Castaway by warrioreowynofrohan (aka WarriorEowyn on AO3) - Legolas and Gimli meet a stranger as they prepare to sail to Valinor. Quite enjoyable! I loved the difference in Legolas and Gimli’s opinions regarding what they should do, and how Gimli’s perspective and compassion helped Legolas to consider his prejudices. The dialogue between all of the characters was excellent!

A Warg in Sheep’s Clothing by @arofili (aka starlightwalking on AO3) - Fíli and Kíli find an injured warg pup in the woods. This was such a wonderfully fun fic to read! There were a few sad moments for sure, but I love reading stories with Fíli and Kíli because their characters have such a youthful joy and hopefulness to them. I loved “Buddy” and dwarflings’ bond with him was so adorable! (Also, I love the title XD)

General/Misc

Shinystarship Has Invited You To Join A Zoom Conference! by jaz-the-bard *️⃣ - Elrond’s father figures make a plan for how they will support Elrond when he sails to Aman (by using modern technology in Arda). THIS IS HILARIOUS. I love it. The Zoom names are perfect. I’ve reread this a couple times and I laugh every time!

Wealth Enough of Joy by StarSpray - Elrond and Celebrían enjoy time with their newborn twins and more family. This was such a sweet, lovely fic. It has the feeling of a summer evening—which is appropriate, since the description is “Elladan and Elrohir are born at twilight in summer.” I actually drew a picture in my little sketchbook of what I thought Elrond and Celebrían’s room would look like!

Mercy by @nothinghereisworking (aka cuarthol) - Snapshots of Celegorm and Finrod. I haven’t read many fics centered on Celegorm and Finrod, and I really like this! Features scenes in Valinor, Beleriand, and then Valinor again. I love how it comes full-circle and how the meaning of mercy changes over the course of the story.

An Unexpected Friendship by StarSpray (featuring art from lidoshka) - Belladonna Took makes a friend. I didn’t realize how much I needed to read about Maglor interacting with hobbits until this fic—and it made me interested in more fics of the same ilk. This particular one was SO much fun, and I loved how much hobbit culture StarSpray got into. I also really enjoyed Maglor’s and the hobbits’ characterization, too. The art of Maglor and Belladonna is adorable!

To Justify Your Existence by jaz-the-bard 🩸 - Maedhros meets his father and brothers in Mandos and braces himself for the worst. Delightfully angsty! Poor, poor Maedhros. The self-blame is off the charts in this one, whew. The emotional climax is so fulfilling!

AUs

stare death in the face (and never back down) by @oopsbirdficced (aka ingenious_spark on AO3) 🔒🩸 - Instead of returning to Gondolin when Sauron lets him go, Maeglin escapes…and runs into some relatives. This is such a cool AU/twist on what happened in canon! Lots of feeeeels—poor Maeglin. However, I love that he found [spoiler] and that they all essentially took one look at him and decided to adopt him XD

Retaliatory Kidnapping by darkfrozenabyss - Elwing decides that kidnapping the re-embodied Fëanorian twins (Amrod and Amras) might let her make a trade with Maglor and Maedhros for her own sons. This may have been the first fic I read by darkfrozenabyss! It’s so enjoyable and engaging. I loved Elwing taking matters into her own hands and being determined to rescue her sons, as well as the reluctant friendship that began to take root between her and the Ambarussa. Great ending, too! An all-around fantastic story.

Less scary than before by waitingfover - Maedhros is feeling homesick at college and receives a package (modern AU). I seriously enjoyed this oneshot! It filled me with so much warmth, and it reminded me of my family sending me things in college :) I love how each member of Maedhros’ family sent him something that showed how they loved him/thought of him, each in their own unique way.

Wayward Son by @thescrapwitch🩸 - After being re-embodied, Fëanor sets out on a mission to find his second son. This was sweet! I really enjoyed it. Fëanor’s dedication to loving and caring for Maglor is wonderful.

Where the Heart Is by mynameisjessejk *️⃣ - Amarië does not let Finrod go to Beleriand without her. A very cool AU where Amarië goes to Beleriand! We love to see it. I really like how it changes things and how the politics are different throughout Beleriand as a result.

Battle of Sudden Song by AeolianSands - Maglor encounters Sauron and recalls his cousin Finrod. I absolutely LOVE how this is written. I am SUCH a fan of Maglor using Song and living up to his name and reputation! This was so deliciously wonderful.

who could ask to be unbroken (or to be brave again) by @piyo13sdoodles - Tauriel meets a lone elf on the plains of Rhovanion and becomes friends with the mysterious singer. I really like reading “Maglor makes friends with people after being on his own” fics, and this one was so sweet! I enjoyed Tauriel’s curiosity and spirit, as well as how Maglor cares for her. Their relationship is wonderful, and I love how they grow into being each others’ family. It’s a beautiful story :)

Tumblr Oneshots

Wet Boots by @amethysttribble - Baby Maedhros is playing, and Uncle Nolofinwë comes to find him. So fluffy and adorable and silly and SWEET! I love baby Maedhros, and this is one of my go-to fluff fics. (There’s also a super cute fanart/comic of this floating around somewhere—I thought I had saved it but I can’t find it. If I ever do, I’ll add it here.)

Finrod and baby Galadriel in Valinor by @actual-bill-potts (aka oswinry on AO3) - Galadriel wakes up Finrod. SO FREAKING CUTE. I LOVED this little oneshot so much. Tiny Galadriel is super adorable and big brother Finrod is just as adorable. Fluff level 3000.

Multi-Chapter Fics

The following multi-chapter fics are all complete (or have not been updated since 2022), and they all have more than one chapter. If any are incomplete, I will note that.

Girl in Middle-Earth & Modern AUs

Pathology by @wild-houseplant (aka appalled.elf on FanFiction.net) ⚠️ 🩸 - A therapist ends up in Middle-Earth and builds a life in Rivendell. This was one of the first fics I read in 2023, and what a wonderful way to start the year!! I absolutely LOVED reading this fic. This was one of those fics that kept me up late and had me glued to my screen whenever I could spare time to read it. I love its central themes of friendship, grieving, and healing. The relationships that develop between Rhodri and the various Middle-Earth characters felt so real and healthy, and it was simply so wonderful to read! The author adds a lot of notes and information about the mental health care that Rhodri, the main character, provides, which is fantastic. Also, the character-lands-in-Middle-Earth plotline is handled quite well, in my opinion; questions that usually arise with that kind of plot were answered and explained in ways that made sense and added to the story.

(Warnings: There is plenty of language/swearing, a bit of violence [not super graphic, to my memory], and a few smut scenes; the author usually warns ahead of time if there will be any smut, and it’s fairly easy to tell when things are going that direction, so you can skip it if you don’t want to read it, like me. Also, the link I have included is to the fic on FanFiction.net, which is much more updated than the fic on AO3; there are 107 chapters on FanFiction.net as opposed to 29 on AO3. However, the version on AO3 is rated as E, while the one on FanFiction.net is rated as M, just so the reader is aware. I first found it on FanFiction.net, which is why I did not realize it was rated E before I read it, and if you skip the E-rated scenes like I did, I believe it would be considered rated M.)

This fic is incomplete—the last time it was updated was in November of 2022—but the reader is not left on a terrible cliffhanger.

Don’t Panic! by boz4PM - A more realistic "girl-falls-into-Middle-Earth" story. Quite entertaining and interesting! This is a spin on the typical “girl gets transported to Middle-Earth and everything is amazing” story, where things are a lot more realistic: there’s a language barrier, there aren’t high standards of cleanliness, there’s no indoor plumbing…the works! I read basically all of it in one night. I love how Penny and Halbarad’s relationship develops, and it’s fun seeing Penny learn to fit in with elves! There’s also a sequel, which is great too. (Warnings: General…gross-ness, I guess, lol! Also, there’s a LOT of swearing, especially in the first several chapters. This does calm down though.)

Ten Weeks of the Terribles by troiaspider - Maglor is forced to babysit his younger brothers while his parents and Maedhros are away for several weeks (modern AU). I really enjoyed this fic! Didn’t want to put it down. It was so fun, and I laughed several times. It also had many touching moments that I didn’t expect, and I found myself smiling at various moments.

In Valinor pre-kinslaying #1

Make You Pretty by @theladyvanya - Vanifinwë, the only daughter and youngest child of Fëanor, likes doing makeovers for her older brothers, which leads to some…interesting results. This fic is SO CUTE!!! I love how the brothers all give in and allow their baby sister to play with them, even if they know they look extremely bizarre by the end. And when [spoiler] is the only one who is actually truly upset by the game, it does get resolved by the end of the story. The fic is quite humorous and sweet!

Trial and Error by waitingfover - Each of the young Finwëons tries to bake something for their family, with varying results. Adorable set of oneshots! I like how the nature of each of the baking incidents matches the elfling or peredhel that is attempting to make something :)

In Valinor post-kinslaying #1

The Host of the West by mynameisjessejk - Finrod is re-embodied in Valinor. Oh my goodness, this was so good. I loved the exploration of Finrod’s emotions (and how being re-embodied affected him physically as well!) after coming back to life. The tension between him and his parents/those who did not know him in Beleriand felt very palpable, and my heart broke for him multiple times throughout the story. The resolution at the end was touching, and I felt reassured that things would look up for the characters as time went on beyond the ending of the story.

Memento Pugna (Remember, You Must Fight) by sweetteaanddragons (aka Drag0nst0rm on AO3) - Fëanor is re-embodied in Valinor, but from the very start, things are bound to go sideways. This was a great read! I loved the characterization and relationship development throughout the story, and I really enjoyed the chaos and shenanigans that happened. The story is quite hilarious at times and touching and angsty at others!

To save a life by waitingfover 🩸 - Fëanor is re-embodied in Valinor, and he has to deal with several hostile family members and other problems. Really great! It’s quite interesting, and I loved how Fëanor’s character developed over the course of the story, and how he comes to prioritize family over his own desires and pride. I also really liked how the plot changed and how various characters were introduced and included! (Warnings: There is a scene with mention of sexual abuse and a traumatized character expecting further abuse, and a brief scene of physical child abuse by a crowd of unnamed characters.)

More than the Stars Above by sweetteaanddragons (aka Drag0nst0rm on AO3) - Elrond visits his father, Eärendil, in Valinor. This is one of my favorite fics centered around Elrond and Eärendil. Their interactions here are so well-written and so spot-on! I like the alternating point of view, and I simply love how their relationship was portrayed.

The Ransom of the House of Fëanor by @eirianerisdar - Elrond petitions the Valar to return Maedhros and Maglor (and their brothers and father) from the Void. Oh my goodness. This fic broke my heart in the best way. SO. MUCH. ANGST. AND. FEELS. AAAAAGHH. I could see a lot of the different emotional situations coming, which made it even more angsty when they finally hit. I kept having to pause and stop reading because TOO MANY FEELS A;SLDKFJALF. Highly recommend if you want Elrond angst (and just angst in general).

The Last Ember by eirianerisdar - Nerdanel and Fëanor begin to reconcile in Valinor (compliant to The Ransom of the House of Fëanor but can be read separately). I absolutely love this Nerdanel-and-Fëanor-work-things-out-in-Valinor fic!!! Nerdanel’s vacillating emotions were so palpable and real, and both her and Fëanor’s characterization was wonderful. The pacing was done quite well, and I love how things ended :)

Rising as if Weightless by StarSpray - Elwing’s brothers return to life in Valinor. This was such a wonderful, feels-y fic! Elwing’s emotions throughout pulled on my heartstrings—and Eluréd and Elurín were so sweet. I loved meeting so many characters who were important to Elwing, and I really enjoyed the storyline. I couldn’t put this fic down!

In Beleriand & Middle-Earth

Family Reunions by Drapa *️⃣ - Finrod brings his human friend Bëor with him to a family reunion. I don’t think I have ever laughed more at a fic than I have at this one. I fondly remember sitting down to a bowl of soup and some bread for dinner and opening this fic because the premise looked promising…and then proceeding to nearly spit out my soup multiple times while reading. Finrod’s over-the-top behavior, the miscommunications and misunderstandings, the hijinks, and the ridiculousness of all of it was just way too funny. Highly recommend if you’re in the mood for some humor (or even if you aren’t).

Refuge by hwestalas - Maglor comes to Maedhros at Himring and does his best to hide that he is injured; this goes unsuccessfully. I absolutely love the interactions between Maglor and Maedhros in this fic. They are so filled with affection and teasing and the gentle kind of pushing between siblings, and it makes me so happy to read, even though they are dealing with war and deaths of their people. The love they have for each other and their siblings—and their people, too—is clear as day. It’s a lovely hurt/comfort fic, and one that I’ve reread a few times. Wonderful read!

This Taste of Shadow (SPECIFICALLY the Caranthir x Haleth chapters) by Mira_Jade - Caranthir and Haleth meet and slowly but surely fall for each other. I didn’t realize how much I needed a fic that took the question “what would it look like if Caranthir and Haleth really truly decided to get married, and not just in the elvish way [aka, through having sex], but to commit to each other until the end?” seriously and chose to explore it. I literally was obsessing over this fic for three to five days after I read it. SO. FREAKING. GOOD. This is one of the most well-written, satisfying, thorough Caranthir x Haleth fics I’ve ever read; the story is deeply emotionally engaging, and I loved it. Mira-Jade is phenomenal at exploring characters and really understanding them on a fundamental level, and how their relationships play out with other characters. And while it’s her interpretation, it feels very real and true-to-text. (Note: This is specifically a rec for the Caranthir x Haleth chapters; the entire work is a series of ficlets and oneshots that largely make up out-of-order story arcs. The link to each chapter can be found in the index/first "chapter" of the fic, which is linked above. I have not read the rest of the work, so I don’t know if there are any warnings I should give for other chapters. The tags do indicate that there is romantic!Russingon in the fic—there’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it reference in the Halenthir chapters, but otherwise none. Also, warning for a version of Celegorm who lives up to the epithet “Celegorm the Cruel.”)

Of Bright Stars and Dark Skies by @katinkacassio (aka CassioP on AO3) - The Fëanorians attack Sirion and take the twins, which leads to the twins living at Amon Ereb. This was one of my favorite kidnap fam fics I read this year! The characterization was well done, and I will always enjoy tropes like Elrond and Elros running off and Maedhros and Maglor having to search for them. Elrond and Elros are wonderful, and both parties opening up slowly to each other was heartrending and sweet.

Maglor Plays For His People After Doriath by Himring - Maglor contemplates Doriath and plays a lament for his people. Quite enjoyable—the contemplative nature of this fic is beautiful. I liked how Maglor considers what his people need and what he plays for them, and his memories of meeting Daeron at Mereth Aderthad were amusing and sweet. This fic really conveys deep a sense of wistful mourning.

Generally Interesting Lives by @glorf1ndel - A collection of oneshots for Tolkien Gen Week 2023. I love how unique these are and how each one of them stands out! I really liked the vibe of the stories—they were easy to read and the characters’ “voices” and personalities are strong. I particularly enjoyed the chapters about Maedhros and Lúthien, Huan and Oromë, and Galadriel and Bill the pony!

I need you more than ever right now by @senalishia - Elwing and Eärendil weather Elwing’s pregnancy with their twins. I love how this fic explored Elwing and Eärendil’s relationship, their personalities, and their perspectives on their responsibilities and having children! It’s compelling and well-paced. Also, I really liked the OC healer Curunada’s curious yet brusque nature! (Warnings: Childbirth, which is a little graphic)

General/Misc

Of starlight, s’mores and misadventures by waitingfover - A collection of oneshots about elflings and their adventures. These oneshots are SO CUTE and occasionally come with a serving of angst at the end with a flash-forward. A few of them are angsty in general, but the majority are just adorable, fluffy stories. If you ever need fluff, you will find it here! Also, this fic is how I finally got all of the Quenya names of the House of Finwë ingrained into my mind XD waitingfover uses them a lot in the story and provides lists of the names at the start of chapters, so that was super helpful! (Note: This fic is still being updated, but not on a regular basis, which is why I put it in the multi-chapter fics section instead of the in-progress section.)

As the Tides Flow by @starshipsilmaril 🩸 - The story of Maglor’s life, from start to finish. I loved it! Starshipsilmaril does a great job with Maglor's emotions, and Maglor’s love story and family were so sweet. Telumë is a wonderful character, and she and Maglor fit together quite well, I think. Definitely gets more angsty as the story goes on, which is expected. Great read! (Warnings: Silm-typical violence, not super graphic [to my memory] but it’s there. Also, The fic outright says that Maglor and Telumë have sex, and there are a couple paragraphs where things are described a little, but it can be easily skipped and I would not consider it explicit. It’s also pretty easy to see coming—it’s on the wedding night.)

Some Wild Thing by warrioreowynofrohan (aka WarriorEowyn on AO3)�� - Aredhel’s story, from Valinor to Beleriand. I love this exploration of Aredhel’s personality and character. The small snapshots and snatches of dialogue that relate the bigger picture are beautifully written, and Aredhel’s fiery personality shines through so well. I also really liked the depiction of her and Eöl (and Maeglin!)—it felt real and the way things subtly changed for the worse over time was chilling. Great read!

To Safety by jaz-the-bard - Young Elrond and Elros get transported to the Years of the Trees in Valinor and encounter their captors once again. I seriously love this story—I felt so bad for Elrond and Elros, and I felt sympathetic towards a bewildered Maedhros and Maglor (or should I say, Maitimo and Makalaurë). It’s fantastic! I’ve reread this at least 3 times XD

In a Field of Blood and Bone by @theheirofashandfire (aka ScribeofArda on AO3)🩸 - The Battle of the Five Armies, from the point of view of the elves. This was fantastic! It was awesome to read the events from a totally different perspective; the elves (and Bard!) come at the situation with different motivations, needs, and hopes for the future than the dwarves and Bilbo, and I think that ScribeofArda handled that very well. I loved the OCs Belhadron and Rhovaniel; they felt very whole and fleshed out, and it made me wish they were in the actual story so I could read more about them. Also, Legolas and Thranduil’s relationship was so sweet, and I love how much Thranduil loves Legolas even though he doesn’t outright show it much. (Warnings: Battle violence, as can be expected from a fic that’s about the Battle of the Five Armies.)

AUs

What once was mine by waitingfover - Maglor is given a second chance to go back and change things, starting at Losgar. What a great fic! I had the privilege to follow this fic from start to completion, and I loved getting updates. The changes—or lack thereof—were quite fascinating to read! This story features a strong dose of Maglor dealing with guilt and depression, which was heartbreaking but also understandable (and, as per usual, I ate it up with a spoon). This one of my favorite AUs!

The Rescue Party by AeolianSands - Fëanor, Fingolfin, and Finarfin decide to travel to Middle-Earth and save their children before the Doom of Mandos takes them. Really enjoyed this! Quite humorous, with some sweet touches of fluff and some angsty bits. There’s LOTS of chaos and things happening at the same time, and it reminded me of a contemporary fantasy story where all these plotlines are overlapping! There were lots of twists and turns I didn't expect, which was super fun.

Waiting for Dawn by theheirofashandfire (aka ScribeofArda on AO3) 🩸 - The Fellowship of the Ring finds Maedhros alive in the aftermath of the Battle of Pelennor Fields. I love “Maedhros-and-or-Maglor-are-alive-in-the-Third-Age” fics, and this one is quite well-written! I absolutely adore Pippin in this fic; his compassion and sprightliness are so in-character and it’s amazing to read. The rest of the hobbits are delightful as well. There’s also a serving of kidnap fam with a good amount of angst and feels :) Gotta love Maedhros being healed (against his will) and coming to accept that he wants to live! (Warnings: There’s somewhat graphic descriptions of the aftermath of the battle and torture, and there is a very disturbing injury in the first chapter that was done by torture. Additionally, Maedhros is suicidal for a while.)

Say NO To Shiny (And Other Valuable Life Lessons) by @fflewddur-feanorion *️⃣ - Maglor joins the Fellowship of the Ring! As soon as I saw the description of this fic, I immediately knew I had to read it. It is absolutely HILARIOUS. I laughed so much! I enjoyed the more casual, less serious characterization of the Fellowship and felt both amusement and sadness towards Maglor at different moments. The story also features Fëanorion brother shenanigans and some epic Song awesomeness!

Little Bird by darkfrozenabyss - Elwing is lost in the woods of Doriath instead of Eluréd and Elurín, and Amras Fëanorion finds her. Oh my goodness, this one pulls on my heartstrings. It’s beautiful and sad and amazing all at once. I loved Amras as a father, and I felt so much for Elwing, having to be so grown-up so young. I also didn’t expect Eluréd and Elurín’s characterization (though it does make sense) and it made me upset for Elwing. I loved reading about her learning about her birth culture and about her relationship with Eärendil. I also liked how the story ended!

Accidently on Purpose by waitingfover - Curufin accidentally turns Finrod into a younger version of himself. I read this almost all in one sitting and it was delightful. I’ve already reread it once or twice since finding it!! The characterizations and handling of the plot were amazing, and baby Finrod was SUUUUPER cute.

The Ghost of Erebor by @mistergandalf (aka ItalianHobbit on FanFiction.net and AO3) 🩸 - In an “everyone lives” AU, Fíli has intense trauma to work through from the Battle of the Five Armies—but nobody knows what happened to him. *slaps roof of fic* This bad boy can fit so much angst in it. Soooo much angst! Fíli is so traumatized and it’s heartbreaking to read. Kíli and Thorin’s attempts to help Fíli are also heartwrenching; they care about him so much, and their worry is so palpable. And of course, the pressing needs of running a kingdom and having an heir don’t make the situation any better. This kind of story is right in ItalianHobbit’s wheelhouse!

Series

Lengthening Shadows series by waitingfover 🩸 - What if Maglor went to bargain with Morgoth instead of Maedhros? This is a fantastic concept and I loveloveLOVE it! The way things go differently is so interesting, and it opens up a whole new dimension of feelings for the characters to experience (especially Maedhros and Maglor). I really like the inclusion of the other Finwëons in the story too. Go give this series some love, these stories are some of waitingfover’s earliest Tolkien works and they’re great!

Sons of the Star series by brievel (most fics in the series are open to all readers, but a few are locked 🔒) 🩸 - This is the “Sons of Fëanor as a biker gang” AU that you never knew you needed. I certainly didn’t know I needed it. But I LOVE it. Brievel is still writing the series and I’m enjoying it! I love the characterization of the Fëanorians as tough and scrappy criminals, but with generally good hearts (especially Max). I get excited every time a new installment comes out. I also highly recommend Óhchikaape, an in-progress story [at the time of this writing], which is set in (mostly) the same universe. (Warnings: There's a lot of violence, and many of the stories deal with heavy topics.)

Maglor is an Eldritch Horror series by thescrapwitch *️⃣ - Speaking of AUs you never knew you needed, the name says it all: Maglor is an eldritch horror. The vibe is “cozy horror,” which I love; I’m not really a horror fan, but the ‘monster’ is on the good guys’ side, and I think that’s what makes it the good kind of scary. Most of the stories in this series are oneshots of Maglor and various characters living in Rivendell, but other characters come in from time to time. This series is mostly complete, but every so often theScrap_Witch has another idea and I get an update to this series in my inbox (which always gets me flailing with excitement). (Warnings: If you’re particularly squeamish or super sensitive to horror/any scary things, you may want to proceed with caution. However, I will say that I’m fairly sensitive to that, and I could just skim past any things that squicked me out—but there have barely been any.)

Return to Aman series by cycas (aka bunn on AO3) - Maglor sails with Elrond, Bilbo, Frodo, and Gandalf to Valinor. Oh. my. gosh. These were stories. SO well-written!!! I devoured every bit of them, and I think I need to reread them because I inhaled them crazy fast the first time around! (I’ve already reread a few out of order, but they work so well together as an arc and I would love to reread it again fully.) There’s so much that gets explored, the characterization is great, and overall the stories are just absolutely DELIGHTFUL. There are 15 fics in the series, and most are oneshots.

Nossecilmë series by fingonsradharp 🔒🩸*️⃣ - Oneshots of the kidnap fam. These are pretty cute (with a bit of angst from time to time)! I particularly enjoyed Little Stars and Nightingale. (Warnings: 🩸 only applies to the oneshot "Little Stars" for kidnappers physically abusing Elrond & Elros.)

Of Half-elven Children and the Difficulties that Result series by waitingfover - Kidnap fam oneshots. This collection of kidnap fam oneshots is so wonderful! These range from full-on angst to pure fluff, and there’s a whole bunch.

Old Maggie Took series by @tanoraqui (aka NevillesGran on AO3) - “Maggie Took” (aka Maglor) has become a friend to those in the Shire. A delightfully fun and touching series! There’s two works and both are simply fantastic. The first is centered around fighting ‘Sharkey’ when he comes to the Shire; I found myself grinning, cheering for “Maggie,” and alternating between laughing and going “awww” at the hobbits and Gandalf. The second story is about a going-away party held for those sailing west, and it gave me the exact feeling I get from being at a good, fun party with friends: celebratory and joyful in the best way.

In-Progress Stories

These are ones that are unfinished that I've really enjoyed and I hope get updated in 2024!

(Also, for any of the authors who see that I’ve included their in-progress fic, please don’t feel pressured to update—me saying that I'm looking forward to more is simply meant to let you know that I like the story and would love to read more if/when you update.)

Daughters of Therindë by darkfrozenabyss - Nerdanel and her 2 daughter-in-laws go back in time to prevent the kinslayings, but they accidentally bring someone along with them that they weren’t expecting: Haleth. You guys. I am glued to this fic. I get ridiculously excited every time I see an update in my inbox; I love it so much and go back every so often to reread my favorite parts of the chapters (and sometimes just end up rereading most of or the entirety of the fic). The characterization is great, and the plot is super fascinating! The tension between Haleth and Caranthir is highly entertaining, and I eat up every bit of Caranthir’s brothers’ teasing with a spoon like it’s ice cream. You will also find me screeching and grinning like a fool at every emotional moment I come across. I seriously enjoy this fic so much!

Óhchikaape by brievel and The_Anonymous_Coauthor 🩸 - Set in the Sons of the Star universe (read about the Sons of the Star series in the Series section); Riser Way [aka Celegorm, for the uninitiated] wasn’t intending to be a dad…but it seems this scrawny, sassy Native American kid is in need of a parental figure, whether either of them like it or not. I am absolutely LOVING this story and get excited over every update. I’ve stayed up late multiple times to read the newest chapter that’s been posted, and I’m 100% sure that I will do it again, given the chance. I love how Riser and Nikki’s relationship develops over the course of the story. There’s a lot of humor and heartwrenching moments, and some serious and soft moments as well. If you aren’t familiar with Sons of the Star, I definitely suggest you read some or all of the series to get an idea of who the Way brothers are, because they (especially Riser and Ken) are primary characters in Óhchikaape. This story is now one chapter away from being done and I'm super excited for the next installment of the series! (Warnings: The story features violence, and it deals with heavy topics, including trafficking and child abuse.)

if somebody loved you, they'd tell you by now by @aurorapillar (aka auroracode on AO3) - Maeglin escapes Gondolin. I’ve been really enjoying this one! auroracode writes Maeglin so, so well—it breaks my heart to see him so traumatized, but it feels very real, and I feel proud of the progress he’s made so far! I also really love how [spoiler] interacts with him and helps him feel safe. I’m excited to see where this fic goes, and it’s been cool to read it from the beginning.

Identity Theft by waitingfover - Eluréd and Elurín come out of the halls of Mandos and are given to Nerdanel by a Maia who implies that the twins are Celegorm’s children; this most certainly does NOT cause any problems in the future ;) If this fic had an alternate title, I think it should be called something like “Olórin Makes a Habit of Kidnapping Elves” 😂 Because (slight spoiler) it’s something that happens multiple times throughout the story and always causes chaos! Anyway, this bad boy has 80-something chapters and is still going strong. The plot of the fic mutates throughout, but it is largely focused on Celegorm and his adventures, with lots of cameos from various Noldor and Sindar elves. I started reading it back in March, and I’ve really enjoyed seeing Celegorm’s character development as the story has progressed!

The Harrowing by @chthonion 🔒 ⚠️ *️⃣ 🩸- Sauron comes back to life from the Void and brings the Fëanorians with him. This fic has such a cool premise: Sauron being reembodied along with the sons of Fëanor and learning how to Be a Good Person™️ and Do Life™️ with all our favorite characters in Valinor. It does feature Silvergifting (Sauron x Celebrimbor), which I virtually never read because I’m not a fan of them together (in large part because the ship tends to remind me of unwanted stuff from my past); that being said, the fic isn’t just about Sauron and Celebrimbor. It’s mainly about Sauron and the house of Finwë (and Frodo!) learning to coexist with each other and heal from the past. Cthuluion’s writing is fantastic, and I love the interactions between the characters. (I particularly enjoyed Finrod and Sauron’s first conversation.) I’ve really enjoyed reading this fic! (Warning: There is a little smut, but only in chapter 16, I believe; I’ve skimmed and/or given a fairly wide berth to most Celebrimbor-Sauron one-on-one interactions to protect my mental health, so there may be more that I’m not aware of.)

Not About Owing by dreamingthroughthenoise (aka Alantie on AO3) 🔒 - Finrod and Amarië come to rescue Maglor on the beach. If there was an alternate title for this fic, I would vote “The One Where Maglor Gets Loved.” All of the characters are determined to make sure Maglor knows that they care about him and want him in their lives, and it’s so delightful. I also love the strong themes of redemption that are woven throughout, and there’s a deliciously dramatic scene with Eärendil that I practically screamed at. Each of the characters and their relationships feel so real and well-fleshed out, and it’s just lovely to read!

The Longest Night by mistergandalf (aka ItalianHobbit on FanFiction.net and AO3) 🩸 - A mysterious creature has attacked a village near Ered Luin, and Thorin Oakenshield and his nephews go to help. I’ve read all of ItalianHobbit’s Tolkien fics, and as I expected, this fic has got lots of whump, even for just 4 chapters so far! ;) It’s so very angsty and I’m eating it up with a spoon. I always enjoy reading Durin family fics—I just love their relationship and I really love how ItalianHobbit writes them. The link to the fic I put above is to the fic on FanFiction.net, but it is also posted on AO3.

When mercy stayed his blade by BarbieBlue - Maglor and Maedhros take Elrond and Elros with them after the Fëanorians attack Sirion. This is one of my favorite multi-chapter kidnap fam fics I’ve found! It’s got a lot of emotion and a fair amount of angst—it’s not super fluffy. I really like Maedhros and Maglor’s characterization in this one; they aren’t totally falling apart, but they’ve definitely got their issues, and BarbieBlue doesn’t shy away from that. I feel a lot for Elrond and Elros, who are certainly quite traumatized. Seeing the trust slowly developing between them and the Fëanorions is sweet, and I enjoy reading the dynamics between all of the characters.

we will make this place our home by @leucisticpuffin - Elrond and Elros get sent to live with their distant relatives Maglor and Maedhros Finuion. This fic is basically ‘The Secret Garden meets kidnap fam’! It is such a lovely story. I devoured most of it one time when I was up late (I had told myself that I really shouldn’t start a fic that had 40-something chapters at 2 am…but then found myself falling asleep at 4:30 am as I was reading. As soon as my eyes were open the next morning, I kept reading until I caught up!). I love the setting and all the little details that make the story work so well, and it’s really fun to read Silm characters in the mode of 1970s England. There’s a few OCs that help fill out the cast, and I enjoy their personalities and how they add to the story.

Less Wise and More Dangerous by DeepWatersWaiting 🩸 - Legolas is mysteriously transported to the First Age and runs into Fëanor and his sons. Great story, compelling and very well-written! I felt a lot of sympathy for Legolas, being plonked down in First Age Beleriand and facing people who he knew would kill his kin in the future. I like the development of the friendships he started forming (especially with Celebrimbor!), and I’ve been rooting for him as he’s been navigating the strange situation he is in. (Side note: anyone remember the AO3 shutdown back in July? This is what I was reading when that happened, lol.) (Warnings: There’s some graphic violence and injury/illness.)

Life After Death by actual-bill-potts (aka oswinry on AO3) 🔒 - Finarfin and his wife welcome Finrod after he returns from Mandos. So so so SO good. Oswinry writes SUCH good Arafinwëan fic. So carefully handled and well-written, and you can truly feel Finarfin’s desperate love and care for his son and his family. It fills a place in my heart I didn’t know was empty until I read the fic. (There have also been a few updates on Tumblr, too! Check out "my writing" and/or "silm fic" tags)

Yet Open Once Again Your Heart by @luteoflorien 🩸 - Maedhros has a breakdown, and Maglor realizes the twins are not as fragile as he thought. This one’s super heartwrenching, and I love it. The way Maglor treats Maedhros when he’s having his panic attack/breakdown/trauma-induced flashback is so well-done, and I really liked how the brothers had learned how to help each other on those bad days. The exchanges between Maglor and the twins (and between just Maglor and Elrond) are so raw and full of emotion, and Elrond himself is so wise and sweet.

What Was Sauron Thinking? by Chisscientist - Sauron is defeated…but it seems that in the process, he turned Gil-Galad into a child. The premise is so fascinating, and smol!Gil-Galad is adorable! I at turns find myself amused by him and want to give him a hug. The characterization is great, and I feel for Gil-Galad, having been unexpectedly turned into a child with memories of his adult self. I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes, and I’m glad Gil-Galad has friends/guardians around him who care for him!

Misc & Non-Tolkien Fics

Tolkien fics that don't fit into other categories:

The Silmarillion Rewrite by Jenavira - A rewrite/summary of The Silmarillion in modern language. Amazing. It was quite an enjoyable read, and it honestly helped me remember a lot of Silm characters! I think this was one of the main fics that inspired me to reread The Silmarillion again this year. I laughed several times, and I often loved the wording or phrasing of certain things that happened. (Warnings: There’s a lot of language/swearing, and there’s Silm-typical violence and trauma that happens.)

Never A Monster He Couldn’t Love by luteoflorien 🩸 - Harry Potter/Silmarillion crossover fic where Newt Scamander finds a new humanoid creature to befriend and care for, and Maglor finds a human who believes he is worthy of care and love. I absolutely adore the friendship that develops between Newt and Maglor. I’ve never read Fantastic Beasts fanfics before, despite being in the Harry Potter fandom, but luteoflorien’s Newt feels so incredibly in-character and it makes me want more. He is so kind and caring and curious, and he is exactly the type of person Maglor needs in his life to start healing from his past. luteoflorien’s writing, characterization, and handling of all the mental/emotional issues the characters go through is phenomenal, and the feels are off the charts. (Warnings: Maglor struggles with his severe trauma, and sometimes self-harms.)

Non-Tolkien fics:

hear you calling from some lost and distant shore by @sighonaraa - Loki meets Thor after the events of Avengers: Endgame (mostly compliant with the Loki TV series). Marvel fandom. This was EXACTLY what I needed after the ending of season 2 of Loki. So, so good. The banter between Thor and Loki, and also Valkyrie/Brunhilde’s character was great—the brothers care SO much about each other, and it's wonderful to read.

Lemon Cake by @afaroffsong 🔒 - Rosalind needs to make a cake for Jane’s birthday. Penderwicks fandom. I seriously enjoyed this fic! It's amazingly well-written—it felt to me like it could've come right out of the books! So lovely.

I mentioned this at the start, but I wanted to reiterate because I truly am very grateful: I want to give a massive thank-you to all of the fic authors, all of the people posting meta, all of the artists out there. I was inspired to re-read The Silmarillion (for the third time) this year, and I highly doubt I would’ve been able to actually get myself to do that without all of the amazing stories and musings and art out there that drove me back to the canon we all love. So thank you ❤️

And thank you to all who read this far XD Hope you enjoy some (or all!) of these fics!

#2023 fic recs #2023 fic review #tolkien fic #silm fic #tolkien fic recs #fic rec list #fanfiction #fanfiction recommendation #fanfiction rec list

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thecorvidforest · 7 months

Note

I have had a situation recently, and I would like your advice on it. I run a gaming discord server, with private servers for a few games. A streamer joined who claimed to have DID. They seemed to flaunt it all over their streams, seemingly very attention seeking. This, to me, seems likely to be fake, but I am unsure. Can you give any input? I don't want to have someone who makes up mental illnesses, discrediting those who actually have them, around, but I also don't want to falsely accuse someone.

sure, i’m happy to give my input, but it might not be what you’re looking for. you seem to have good intentions and this isn’t meant to bully or shame you at all, i just want to gently push back on this a little bit.

i personally believe there is never a good enough reason to accuse someone of faking a mental illness, especially something like DID/OSDD. there is no reliable way to spot a faker, and accusing people of lying does far more to hurt the community than faking does. let me explain.

some systems like to talk about their experiences, some don’t. same goes for anyone with any condition. talking about one’s plurality frequently is not automatically them flaunting it, and it’s certainly not grounds to assume they’re faking. plurality informs one’s entire life, we should be allowed to talk about it without having to worry if we’re being perceived as attention seeking.

here’s the thing. it’s wonderful that you want to help protect people who have DID/OSDD from people who might be faking it and i don’t doubt for a second that your intentions are genuine, but accusing someone of faking based on how you perceive them will do far more to discredit them than someone who’s actually faking it.

because here’s what’s going to happen if you remove them from your space because you think they’re faking: everyone around you who may be a closeted system - or even just anyone with a highly stigmatized disorder - is going to know that your acceptance of them isn’t based on their self-report, it’s based on your own perception of their symptoms. they will no longer feel free to be themselves, because showing their symptoms comes with the risk of being kicked out. you’ll have effectively made your space less safe for people with stigmatized conditions. and for the accused person, you’ll have removed them from a space that’s meant to be safe and completely invalidated their lived experience based on them choosing to speak about said experience.

on the flipside, let’s say they are faking and you do nothing. most likely scenario, they’re attention seeking and using DID to get the attention they want. what ends up happening most of the time is the person faking it eventually gets tired of the harassment and of having to keep all their lies straight and they stop.

of course lying about an already stigmatized condition for attention is an awful thing to do, and i’m not defending people who do it. what i am saying is that it is far less harmful to accidentally include a liar than it is to exclude someone who may or may not be lying with no way to know for sure if they are.

TLDR: whether they’re faking or not, them talking about it isn’t a reason to assume they are. and regardless, it’s always better to assume they’re telling the truth.

i hope this helps! we had a few switches in the middle of writing this so i’m sorry if the phrasing doesn’t flow well lmao

#corvidforest asks #dissociative identity disorder #did system #osdd #other specified dissociative disorder #osdd 1a #osdd 1b

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gothicflowers · 1 month

Text

Call Of Duty x GN!Reader

How they would react to you telling them about your anxiety disorder.

Warnings: talks of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is inspired by my own struggles as a diagnosed individual with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Please do not self diagnose or glamorize mental disorders or illnesses.

Sitting down for lunch after this mornings long meeting felt like heaven. A much needed battery recharging time for you. Taking a moment to practice your positive affirmations and breathing like your therapist said you felt the anxiety simmer down. Only to be interrupted by a tray being placed on your small two person table.

“You’re kinda quiet and shy. It’s actually kinda nice being around someone that doesn’t feel the need to be the loudest voice in the room.” He nonchalantly hands you an electrolyte drink and takes a seat across from you before continuing his rambling. You look back down at your half eaten sandwich diverted your eyes from his. Eye contact is a struggle you’ve been working on. Still listening to his words you nod your head so he doesn’t think you’re ignoring him.

“I mean we all have to know how to be assertive in this line of work, but I can really appreciate your demeanor as a person. You have a calming energy about you.”

You laughed at his description of you and couldn’t help the words from spilling out. “Thanks, it’s actually just a disorder.” You let out a faint laugh. You always tried to find the humor in your situation.

He was too stunned to speak or finish putting his sandwich in his mouth. He put it back down on his plate before trying to find the right words. He was worried his words had came across as rude and disrespectful. All of which he was trying to avoid.

After realizing your blurted out confession you took a brief moment to compose yourself and your thoughts. Looking up at him you gave a faint smile trying to show you’re not upset. “I have what’s called Generalized Anxiety Disorder. People with the condition can struggle with different things.” Trying to describe your struggles isn’t something you’re great at but maybe he’ll understand? “Personally, I don’t do well in social situations, interactions or speaking up. It sometimes leads to anxiety, stress, overthinking and panic attacks if it’s real bad. I prefer to be hidden in the background away from everyone’s attention. I know my comfort zones and when to push myself. But it’s never affected by ability as a soldier.” You nod your head at your own explanation.

He smiles and nods. “I appreciate you telling me that so I understand you better. I do apologize if me saying your shy or quiet came across rude. I genuinely find you to be a great person to be around.”

“Actually you probably went about it in possibly the kindest way I’ve ever experienced. I’ve been told my quietness is rude or snobbish. Which is far from how I want to be perceived. So I actually appreciate someone taking a liking to it.”

It was nice being able to have a conversation about your disorder without feelings judging. Nor did he offer unsolicited advice. Instead he recognized that it was something you don’t openly share and appreciated your trust in him. And his opinion of you didn’t change. After feeling closed off from your team you felt a little more comfortable, with him at least.

Alex Keller, Rudy (Roldofo) Parra, Gaz (Kyle) Garrick, Roach, John Price, Nikolai, Logan Walker

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kortsitron · 1 year

Text

Little distractions

Pairing: Niran Pruksamanee/Lifeweaver × Gender Neutral! Reader

Warnings: mentions of depression, fluff

Summary: Niran is aware that you have hard time distraction yourself from depressive thoughts, luckily he knows a way to keep you distracted (and entertained)

Author’s Note: I know this may not be an actual way to deal with unpleasant feelings, yet I thought the idea was pretty cute. If you’re struggling with depression or any other mental illness, please seek professional help. I believe that everything is going to be alright and I wish you the best <3 Also enjoy this one shot! ♥️

Niran knew how much you struggled. He held you as you cried your eyes out, he was going to the doctors with you when you asked him to, he was doing his best to help you. And yet, after all day of smiles and fun, he knew that at the end of the day, you would either overwork yourself to try to distract yourself or you would get back to being numb. But he wasn’t even near giving up.

Maybe it was his positive attitude, which made him earn the nickname “Sunshine” from you, or just how much he was in love with you.

You were laying on the couch, working on your laptop in the living room when you noticed Niran getting ready. You raised an eyebrow, wondering where he was going. “Where are you going, Sunshine?” You made eye contact with him. You saw the way he finished tying his shoes and the way his face from focused, turned into a soft smile as he stood up and approached you. “You dirty the floor, Niran.” You signed as you leaned your head against the arm of the coach to get a better look at your boyfriend.

“Apologies.” He awkwardly looked at the floor and back at you. “I’ll be meeting Baptiste, we have some stuff to do. Not sure when I’ll be back, but if something bad happens, call me or Satya, okay?” You nodded. He kissed your forehead before heading to the door. “I should be back in around two hours. Love you, don’t overwork yourself, bye!” He waved at you before leaving, watching as a smile creeped on your face and a light blush appeared on your cheeks.

You laid in your bed as tears were streaming down your cheeks. Your mind was too loud for you to think properly and you were waiting for Niran to get back. You started to wonder if you should call him, but you didn't want to bother him.

“Is that everything?” You heard a masculine voice with a Haitian accent.

“I think so, thanks for the help.” Niran answered the voice. You wiped tears from your face before you adjusted your clothes and went to the living room to see what was going on. Niran smiled at you as you entered the room. Niran frowned his eyebrows as soon as he noticed your red face and slightly puffy eyes. “Hello, dear. Are you okay?” There was a worry in his tone. He approached you, rubbing your arms up and down to hopefully bring you comfort.

“Yeah um… What’s all this stuff?” You asked, pointing to the objects your boyfriend brought home. Cat tree, a bed, a bunch of colorful bowls, a litter box and a box from which came high sounds. Niran saw the way you pouted, clearly not happy with his purchase. “Care to explain, Bua?” The tone of your voice showing him how displeased you were.

Niran was caught off guard by the nickname. It was the moment he realized that you were actually unsatisfied. “Well…” He looked over at his friend. “Baptiste, care for help?”

“It was your idea, I only helped you with bringing the things here.” The man just shook his head, chuckling quietly at the whole situation. “I’ll be heading back home, tell me later how it all went.” Baptiste informed as he left, hoping to not get invested more in the current situation.

Your eyes went from the door, to your boyfriend. “So?” You continued, watching how Niran’s cheeks suddenly turned pink.

“We don’t you see for yourself?” He took your hand in his, taking you to the middle of the living room. “Sit down please.” Without much thinking, you did, but your eyes never left him. You watched as he brought the box in front of you and sat on the floor himself.

You heard the noises better. It was meowing. “You brought a kitten here?! Niran we-” You paused in the middle of the sentence. Listening intently to the sounds. It wasn’t just one kitten. You glanced at the said box, then back at Niran. Grin on his face as he watched you realize. “How many are there?”

“A bunch.” He shrugged, said grin not leaving face. “Why don’t you open up and see for yourself?”

You hesitated for a second, hands shook lightly before landing on the box and opening it up. Now meowing was resonating in the whole living room. You watched as six kittens were leaving the box, meowing and stomping their little paws on the floor. You heard a chuckle coming from Niran, as he watched your reaction. He noticed that you were processing what was happening before you.

You finally woke up from the trance, which seemed like hours. “Niran we need to get them back where they came from. I don’t think we can… We can…” You paused as you felt one of the kittens getting on your lap, meowing at you and rubbing itself against you.

“Don’t you think it would be a little rude if we brought them back?” Niran commented calmly, petting the nearest kitten. “Besides, I brought them here to help you.”

“Help me? What do you mean?” Confusion painted itself on your face, as you waited for the answer.

“I know you have a problem with distracting yourself when you start feeling bad, so I thought that you could use these little distractions. I’m sure they’ll keep you busy.”

“But six?”

“I planned on getting two or three at first, but I saw that little group and couldn’t help myself.” You heard the excitement in his voice as he explained. You couldn’t help, but smile softly at him, feeling a warmth in your heart.

You signed. “I guess we can keep them. But only because you will be whining endlessly if we bring them back.”

Niran gasped dramatically. “No, you fell for them as well and you just don't want to admit it!” You chuckled, shaking your head. “You know I’m right!” He pointed at you, smiling from ear to ear.

“Okay, okay. You got me there.” You put your hands up, showing how defeated you were.

“That’s what I thought.” He smirked at you, clearly satisfied. He looked around, watching the kittens walk around. “I think we should give them some food.” He commented, with a bit more serious tone than before. He stood up, holding his hand out to help you with standing out. You gladly accepted it as soon as you took the kitten off your lap.

“You sure we have enough money to keep them? Perhaps you should work on some form of light that’s edible.” Niran laughed at your suggestion.

“Perhaps I should. And you should give them names. They’re ours now.”

“We should give them names.”

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #ow2 #overwatch x you #overwatch x reader #overwatch imagines #niran pruksamanee x reader #niran pruksamanee #lifeweaver x reader #lifeweaver #gender neutral language #gender neutral pronouns #gender neutral reader #overwatch lifeweaver #fluff #sfw

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yieldtotemptation · 2 years

Text

NURSE ft. Yeji

yeji x male reader smut

6k words

"God, you're so hot!"

"You too, babe"

"No, I mean you have a fever, dummy."

"A fever for your loving."

"You do know you're going to have to stay in bed all day?"

"I bet I am."

"You're an idiot."

"Achoo!"

You can see the mental debate taking place behind Yeji's eyes as she weighs the pros and cons of hitting you - a perfectly sculpted eyebrow twitches, her cupid's bow lips purse, and her nostrils flair in frustration, stretching out the cute freckle on the tip of her nose.

Instead, she decides to give up on you and your cheesy lines, and leaves your bedroom with an exasperated sigh, returning to her busywork around your apartment - preparing soup in your pressure cooker, taking care of your laundry, and cleaning the mess you've accumulated over the past few days.

If you had known that being sick meant getting spoilt by your girlfriend like this, you may have been inclined to fall ill more often.

"I really hate you sometimes," you hear Yeji mutter from outside your door.

"Love you too!" You call out back to her from the comfort of your bed. You don't catch her response, only hear her grumbling about something, followed by the sound of your washing machine’s lid being slammed shut.

"Don't think I've forgiven you!" She says, her voice trailing off as she moves through your apartment and to your kitchen. "I can't believe you weren't going to tell me you were sick! How were you even planning to take care of yourself?"

"They do delivery here…"

"I know. I saw the fried chicken boxes. This is why you get sick so easily!"

After several minutes of cleaning, cooking, and passive-aggressive vacuuming, Yeji storms back into your bedroom, an assortment of pills in one hand, a mug in the other. She takes a seat on the side of your bed and thrusts the items in your face.

"Swallow this, drink this."

You do as instructed, swallowing down the medicine, and drinking down the strange-tasting, warm liquid. You open your mouth wide to show her your empty tongue, to which she replies with a satisfied nod. "What would I do without you?"

She rolls her eyes. "Keep pushing your luck and maybe you'll find out."

You gasp in mock horror at the prospect, an act that finally manages to get Yeji to smile for the first time since she came into your apartment and discovered you sick. "You wouldn't dare."

"I would," Yeji threatens. "I leave you alone for one week! You message me acting like everything's fine the entire time and I come home to see you like this."

"It's not that bad," you say, somewhat fruitlessly trying to reason with your girlfriend. Admittedly it's when she's all flustered and frustrated that you find her the cutest.

Something about the way she puffs out her cheeks when she gets mad.

"It's just a cold."

"Fever." Yeji corrects you, emphasising her point by feeling your forehead with the back of her hand.

You reach for her, stroking her forearm apologetically. "I am sorry, Yeji. I just didn’t want to make you worry."

Yeji softens at that - no matter how mad she ever gets at you, she never finds it difficult to forgive. "If you're really sorry, you'll be a good boyfriend and rest so you can quickly get better and we can actually spend time together."

"Well," you start, "you know what would really make me feel better."

"I swear if this is another line or a dirty joke - "

"I was going to say a kiss - but I like where your mind is at," you say, and this time Yeji does hit you, albeit playfully and on your shoulder. "I mean - this is very close to one of my top ten fantasies."

"Isn't the whole sexy nurse thing a bit cliché? Why don't you just be happy to have your beautiful girlfriend taking care of you?"

"They're clichés for a reason," you say, using your eyes to gesture down to your waist.

"You've got to be kidding me." Yeji's eyes follow down your body, to the unmistakeable tent forming underneath the blanket that was currently draped over you. "Really?"

"Don't act all innocent! It's not my fault that having my beautiful girlfriend taking care of me is such a turn on!" You retort, "Besides, we both know why you really came over - before you found out I was sick."

Yeji's eyes go wide at that, and you see the Light Fury resemblance so often joked about. "I don't know what you're talking about."

It's your turn to raise an eyebrow. "Yeji."

"What?"

"Yoga pants, Yeji." You stare at the skin-tight fabric clinging to her lower body - the very first thing you noticed about her when she came barging into your apartment. The leggings left little to the imagination, and knowing Yeji they were clearly worn with calculated purpose - chosen specifically to emphasise her long, toned legs, and to show off her ridiculously firm, supple ass.

Most distinctively though, was how snugly it fit over her mound, detailing the exact outline of lips you were more than familiar with. Yeji follows your eyes and sees we're your looking, immediately blushes and shyly crossing her legs over one another to hide the all-too-obvious camel toe.

"You were practically begging me to notice."

"I came here straight from dance practice!" Yeji insists.

"And the top?"

"I don't know what you're -"

You reach for the strap of her tank-top, pulling it to the side to reveal a bare shoulder - with nothing underneath. "One would think you'd need some sort of support when dancing."

Yeji stops you, grabbing the strap from your hand and returning it to her shoulder. "Fine. You got me. You win. Happy?"

Nothing can hold back the grin that creeps onto your face. "Yeji. My extremely hot girlfriend came over to have sex with me. You bet I’m fucking happy."

Yeji takes you by the hand, and somewhat bashfully, she says, "I came over to take care of you."

Yeji slowly looks up to meet your eyes, and suddenly you feel the temperature in the room start to rise. Like a switch, you see something in Yeji change, her expression shifting from cute and shy to something closer to hunger. You know it well, you’re all too familiar with the duality of your girlfriend - cute, bubbly, caring on one side - seductive, charismatic, sexy on the other.

"And I intend to do so," Yeji says softly, her voice cutting through the sudden tension in the air.

It's the way she looks at you that's intoxicating - those damn eyes like no other - and her lips - tinged a subtle pink, with just a hint of gloss that makes her look so kissable. She runs a tongue over her lips, melting you, mesmerising you, and she leans down and presses her lips gently down onto yours.

It’s a short, quick taste, but filled with heat, and Yeji leaves her face hovering over yours after it’s ended.

"Yeji, you don't have to - " You don't get to finish your sentence, the words are stolen from your mouth, as Yeji throws the blanket off your body and sends her hand diving into your sweatpants to take hold of your cock with her soft, delicate fingers.

"Well I have been discovered... Might as well follow through with my devious master plan," Yeji says in a husky whisper. You can only reply with a groan, as her fingers wrap around your cock, straining itself, flexing impatiently against her grip.

You start to sit up, an involuntary reaction to the sudden stimulation, but Yeji places a hand on your chest and pushes you back down to the bed.

"You caught me red-handed, honey. So lie back and relax," Yeji chides, pinning you down flat on the mattress with surprising strength. Your mouth opens to answer, but no words come out, only a raspy moan as Yeji's hand begins to move around you, easily stirring your cock to a full, throbbing hardness. "How about we cross this fantasy off your list?"

She watches you intently with her fox-like eyes, looking down on you with glee, drinking in your strained reactions to her slow, methodical stroking of your cock.

She can't cover your entire length within the restrictions of your sweatpants, but she still takes care to vary her grip with each pump of your cock into her hand - tightening her grasp each time she reaches the hilt, and relaxing her hold as she makes her way back to your tip - each time sending sweet, agonising tingles running up your spine.

"That's right - be a good patient now. Let the sexy nurse take care of you."

Your hips buck against her hand, desperately stretching out the cotton of your pants, needing freedom, needing more from her. Yet Yeji doesn't seem to care, applying even more pressure to her hand on your chest, reasserting her control over you, tightening her hold around your cock and squeezing you into submission.

"Calm down, honey," Yeji says, leaning back down to take your lips once more.

It's now that you get your first real taste of Yeji - fresh strawberry-scented hair, sweet candy-flavoured lips. She moans into your mouth, like a secret passcode that causes your lips to part and allow her tongue to enter, finding its dance partner within. Her hand never stops moving around you, up and down, up and down - a slow, purposeful motion in time with the presses of her lips against yours and the clashing of your tongues.

Her hand slides up your cock as her lips leave your own and you can't help the groan that follows when your kiss ends, nor can you help your tongue desperately chasing after her. Yeji laughs to herself, once again pushing you back down to your bed, keeping you in your rightful place.

A stray strand of saliva hangs from the corner of her mouth, but it's quickly scooped up by her tongue as she licks her lips, covering it in a new, glossy sheen.

"Now, why don't you tell me where it hurts?" Yeji asks, and your eyes immediately flick down to your now throbbing erection. "Oh, that does look painful, doesn't it? Luckily I know how to make you feel all better."

Yeji bends forward and slides down your body, allowing you, for the briefest moment, to catch a glimpse of cleavage hidden underneath. She stops at your waist, parting your legs so she can take her place on all fours between them, sitting back on her heels and reaching for your hips, digging her fingers into the elastic waistband of you sweatpants.

Yeji lifts her gaze to meet yours, eyes alight with mischief and her lips upturned into a wide grin, as if reacting to a joke that only she was privy to. Knowing she has you watching her, she closes her eyes, moves in close to your crotch, and presses her nose to the swell of your cock beneath your sweatpants.

And then she inhales.

She breathes in your cock, like an addict in withdrawal getting their first fix, savouring the feeling of being so close to her one true vice.

She spends several tormenting moments like that, ignoring your futile efforts to flex your cock against the stretch of cotton, trying to feel the warmth of her lips. Eventually, thankfully, she lifts her head slightly and in one, clean motion, yanks your sweatpants down your hips and sends your cock springing forth with such force that it slaps against her lovely, pink lips.

"Oh!" Yeji yelps as the tip of your cock, already leaking in anticipation, brushes across her lips. "I should've been more honest from the start…"

It's already too much, just her hot breaths against your tip has you mentally screaming for more, and it's with sweet, torturous relief that her lips finally meet your cock in a gentle, loving kiss. The brief and sudden contact shoots a jolt of electricity through your nerve endings, and the pleasure continues as Yeji holds your cock steady with her right hand and leaves a trail of kisses down the length of your shaft.

She takes care to cover as much ground as she can, kissing all around your shaft, down to the underside, and over and around both your balls. She keeps kissing, never letting her lips linger for too long, until she stops at the base of your cock. It's then that she lets her tongue slip out of her mouth to explore the hilt of your cock, before slowly dragging it all the way up the length of your shaft. You grit your teeth as her pink tongue makes the long journey up your shaft to meet the small ridge beneath the head of your cock, where she marks her territory with her saliva, tracing around the circumference of your length.

"This taste," Yeji says to herself as she runs the very tip of her tongue over the slit of your head, lapping up the pre-cum waiting for her. Her tongue withdraws back into her mouth and she swallows, humming in pleasure as she tastes your arousal, before breathing out a satisfied "ahhh!"

Above all else - Yeji loves to put on a show for you. She gets pleasure from driving you wild, yet you don't get to revel in the theatrics of seeing her so taken with the flavour of your cock. You don't even get to think about anything other than the feeling of Yeji's soft, wet lips sealing themselves around your length, taking your shaft inch by inch into the warmth of her mouth.

Getting such relief never felt this good, and you chance reaching down for her, needing to grab onto something - anything - threading your fingers through her fawn-coloured hair, taking a gentle hold of her head as you try to last through the distinct pleasure of your cock disappearing into the idol's mouth.

Yeji inhales you in, pressing her tongue flat against your cock, bathing your length with her saliva, as she steadily takes more and more of you past her lips. It's with a gasp that you feel her lips meet the base of your cock, kissing against your crotch, pressing her nose just beneath your navel, and while she doesn't choke, let alone gag, she does let her throat clench around you in a manner so excruciatingly good, you can't help but cry out - "Yeji!"

The sound of her name is like a cue for her, and she pulls back from you, drawing her head up and letting your shaft slip slowly out of her mouth and past the clutching hold of her lips with an audible 'pop'.

Yeji looks up at you, still smiling wide, her beautiful face still in near-perfect order - save for the drool leaking from her lips and onto your tip, and the small trace of moisture welling up in the corner of her eyes. For someone that loved to get so messy with your cock, she never let it get in the way of the perfection that was her face.

She takes a beat to nuzzle her cheek into the palm of your hand, before once again taking your cock back into the pillowy embrace of her lips. She pulls you into her with a slow pace, building up a steady rhythm of bobs up and down your cock, giving you time to savour both the sight and feeling of having an idol take you in and out of her warm, wet mouth.

Her hands join in the fray - she only takes your length a quarter of the way into her mouth, allowing her right hand to wrap around the base of your cock, giving short, twisting strokes around the hilt, matching the timing and movements of her lips. Her left hand reaches beneath you, cradling your balls in the palm of her hand, massaging the pair with her fingers - making sure that all your cock knows is Yeji.

Seconds, minutes, hours - you have all the time in the world for Yeji and her expert mouth, as she continues to work your shaft, taking care to swirl her tongue over and around the head of your cock each time she reaches the tip with her lips.

It's the combination of it all that makes it all so sublime - her hands working on your shaft and your balls, her tongue lathering your cockhead in its wetness, her lips suctioning tight around you and swallowing you whole down her clenching throat. It wasn't just that Yeji was skilled at oral sex, she was skilled specifically at giving you oral sex, knowing your weak spots, knowing how best use her fingers, her mouth, her eyes - it's impossible to imagine anyone matching her in the specific art of making you feel good.

You close your eyes, trying your best to remember to breathe as Yeji's hands leave your cock and move to your thighs, gripping into your legs as she lowers her face onto you, and reintroduces your cock to the back of her throat. She deepthroats you with intent, sliding you smoothly down her throat, noisily slurping you into her, leaving a mess around your crotch as she bathes your cock in her spit and slobber.

You're incredibly unprepared - left to groan as she starts to fuck her own face with your cock, diving her mouth up and down on to you, barely letting your tip brush against her lips before plunging it back deep down her throat, trapping you in a dizzying spiral of pleasure.

You can feel yourself, the familiar build of anticipation from your core, the build-up of release, and you know that Yeji's mouth has you at the very precipice of your orgasm.

"Yeji, it's too -" Your voice comes out hoarse and weak, the first actual words you’ve managed to form since Yeji started throating your cock, and it's then that Yeji decides to give you some respite, withdrawing her lips from you with a particularly harsh suck, and letting your glistening shaft spring free from her mouth.

The air is forced from your lungs as your cock is left twitching helplessly in the open and under Yeji's watchful eyes. She roughly takes your cock into her hands, squeezing it in a chokehold, holding your shaft still and stopping you from cumming far sooner than she desired.

Satisfied that your orgasm has been avoided, Yeji tests you with a chaste kiss right on your tip, giggling to herself as your cock reflexively spasms in response.

"Not yet," she says in a soft voice, gently placing more dainty, light kisses down your shaft, dipping her head lower and lower, low enough so she can press her lips against your balls with a firm kiss.

Her hand still remains on your cock, moving slowly, pumping up and down your shaft, testing your resolve and your self-control, watching as you helplessly lie there and let her have her way with you.

"Seems like you're feeling better already," Yeji smirks to herself, leaving your cock with a light kiss on its tip and a cursory squeeze around its base. "So it's only fair if you help me feel better too."

Yeji kisses her way along your balls and to the base of your cock, and then takes hold of the hem of your t-shirt, lifting it up so she can kiss into your abs. She rolls your shirt higher and higher as she moves upwards, making the most of your body while she has you still - kissing right up the centre of your chest, taking a slight detour to playfully sink her teeth into your nipple, to licking the ridge of your collarbone, before raising your arms above your head so she could throw off the unneeded item of clothing.

She takes hold of both your wrists while she has you, and while even in your current state it would be so easy to overpower the athletic idol, you know better than to get in Yeji's way when she's like this. Most times she played passive in the bedroom, more than happy to be led around - to be used, to be pleasured, to be fucked - but there were times when nothing could make her more aroused than getting to be the one on top.

She licks up the side of your neck, tracing a path up to the edge of your jawline and down to your chin, before moving to your lips to claim them as her own. She holds you down with the weight of her body - her legs straddling on either side of your waist, her hands keeping your arms pinned above your head, and her lips crushing against yours in a needy, hungry kiss, invading your mouth with her tongue. Your kiss becomes another stage for her to wrestle control over you, and you submit to her, letting her freely explore your mouth with her tongue.

It's now that Yeji begins to grind herself against your cock, backing her ass down low enough to run the length of your shaft between the lips of her pussy, separated only by the sheer fabric of her tight, black leggings. Her moans mix with your own forced groans as her hips rotate around and back and forth against you. Even through her yoga pants you can feel her wetness, can feel her warm juices soaking through the cotton and dripping onto your cock.

Yeji breaks your kiss to whisper into your ear, "God, I missed this."

"No Gods," you manage to grunt out, finding your own voice despite the motions of her hips against you, "just me."

Yeji bites your earlobe in response and grinds her hips harder against your cock, pressing her folds down against you, letting you feel the full heat of her pussy on you. "Tell me, t-tell me how much you like this. Tell me how much you want this - how much you want me."

"Yeji," you gasp, "I fucking need you."

"Good."

Yeji lifts herself off you, letting go of her hold on your wrists and raising herself up on her knees, stretching herself above you, purposefully putting her perfect, tight, fit body on display for you. Her hips hover so tantalisingly close over your cock, and from your vantage point you can see the mould of her swollen folds through her pants and the patch of wetness that has pooled around her crotch and run down her thighs. Her tank-top is crumpled and in slight disarray - the straps are down to her shoulders, yet the top is still kept upright by the stiffness of her nipples poking out through the fabric.

She rolls a hairband off her wrist, reaching behind her head to tie her hair into a neat ponytail. "Ready?"

You nod.

Yeji wastes no time - she digs her fingers into the crotch of her pants and rips apart the fabric on either side, tearing open a hole and freeing her wet, slick pussy. She takes a hold of your cock, aiming it with well-practiced precision at her entrance, and slides her hips down, sinking you inside her tightness and filling her pussy with you.

"Fuuuuuck yes!" Yeji sighs, hands at the back of her head, elbows pointed upwards, back arched and chest pushed out, her whole body relishing in the feeling of having you inside of her.

You instinctively react by reaching out for her, needing to hold onto her tight body, to maybe even rip the thin tank-top from her chest and claim a nipple with your lips, but Yeji is far too quick, falling back forward and capturing your wrists again, pinning you down against the mattress beneath her.

"No," she says, "don't move. I told you - let me take care of you."

You know what she really means, what she really wants - to use you, but if using you means lying back and witnessing the embodiment of sex that is your girlfriend fuck herself on your cock, then you're all too willing to let her have her way.

At least, for now.

Yeji closes her eyes, satisfied that she has you in place, and bites her lip as she begins to move atop you, devoting each and every muscle in her tight, dancer's body to fucking herself with your hard cock, rolling her hips up and down you in practiced, deliberate movements.

She rides you at the pace suited best for her, making the most of your every inch entering and exiting her pussy, taking time to grind herself against your waist each time your hips meet, rolling forward and leaving her shuddering with pleasure. She's so, so wet around you, you can feel the warm residue from her cunt coating your entire length, can hear the squish of her folds as her pussy moulds herself around you, stretching to accommodate your girth with each upstroke.

"God - gah - you feel -" Yeji moans, searching for the words that best describe just how good you're making her feel, eventually landing on, "so fucking big inside of me!"

You do your best to outlast her, gritting your teeth, trying hard not to lose yourself in the flexing of her walls around you, the hot wetness pooling around your base, and the lovely sounds of your name as they slip from her pretty lips and into your ears.

Yeji giggles at the pained expression on your face, at your efforts to tame your own arousal, and decides to lay a challenge on you, letting go of your wrists and stretching back upright so that she can unceremoniously lift the tank-top over her head and toss it beside the bed.

You immediately drink in the sight of her small chest - perfectly bite-size and round, capped with cute, stiff tips that makes you think of caramel candies, begging to be sampled and tasted.

"You like how I take care of you, don't you, honey?" Yeji asks. "Like how I ride you? Like how I fuck myself so hard onto your big, fucking cock?"

Your attention is torn away from her chest as Yeji adjusts her position, moving from her knees to her feet, crouching low and grabbing hold of your shoulders, bracing herself and giving herself enough leverage to unexpectedly, quickly, slam her hips down on you, taking you into her at a sudden, rapid pace.

"Yes!" Yeji cries out as the tempo of your fucking shifts into full gear, taking you in and out of her as fast as she is able, now fully abandoning the idea of 'taking care of you' and unashamedly using every inch of your cock for her pleasure.

It's pure art - watching Yeji's tight body bounce up and down on your cock is hypnotic - each thrust into her needy pussy makes her every muscle tense, her walls clench, sends her nipples flickering up and down, entrancing you with their tiny heft. Yeji takes your wrist, pulling you towards her chest, placing her hand over yours and pressing your palm into her right breast, squeezing your fingers into the soft flesh.

You take her left breast with your other hand, indulging in the feeling of her nipples between your fingertips, loving the squeals of delight you can elicit from Yeji's open mouth with each pinch of sensitive skin.

You lose track of the minutes that pass as Yeji fucks you at a fierce, intense speed, lose yourself in the feeling of her body on top of you, her ass slapping down against your cock with each hard thrust, her gasps and moans filling your ears.

"Oh god - oh god - yes - as hard as you - " Yeji's words barely make sense, each moan and sigh abandoned just as quickly as another one overtakes her. "Please - yes - I missed this, needed this - fuh - fuck!"

You know what she wants - know what she needs - and you take advantage of her momentary lapse in composure, wrapping your arms against her lower-back and pulling her down to you, pressing her body flat against yours. She lets you take her, to hold her tightly against you, giving over control of the fucking to you.

You quickly find your rhythm, pumping in and out of Yeji's sopping wet cunt, using her meek mewls and moans into your ear as a guide to perfect the timing of your thrusts.

Her walls hug you tight as you impale her with your cock, pistoning in and out of her, mercilessly slamming your hips against hers. The bed starts to squeak under you in protest to your fucking, joining in with Yeji’s cries of ecstasy.

You want to freeze this moment in time, want to fuck her like this forever - to feel her ever increasing tightness around your cock, to hear the melody of her gasps and moans, to have her so close to you - stiff nipples pressed against your chest, hot lips against your skin, warm body-heat at your fingertips.

"Honey - ho - ney - fuh - fuck - fuck me!" Yeji's cries reverberate through your eardrums, her body uncontrollably shaking and quivering in your arms as you do your best to fuck out of her the orgasm she so desperately desired. "Yes! Make me - make me - fucking - ah!"

Yeji's orgasm takes both of you by the surprise, arriving like a bolt of lightning, causing her entire body to tense and making her pussy tighten deliciously around you. It's almost far, far too much for you, driving you close to the brink of your own bliss, her pussy pulsating and squeezing around you, doing its best to pump out the cum Yeji so badly wants to be filled with.

But instead you hold her still against you, letting her tight, lithe body quiver and tremble in your arms, sinking the entirety of your cock into her and feeling the powerful vibration of her orgasm throughout her body.

The filthy whispers from her mouth continue the entire time she rides out her orgasm onto you, soon rendering her so breathless that she buries her lips into your neck, breathing unintelligible noises of pleasure into your skin.

You give her the time to collect herself, letting her body rest against yours as her hold on you weakens - the strength in her limbs give out and she goes limp in your arms. Several minutes filled with nothing but panting breaths go by - her pussy sporadically twitches and quivers around your cock, still buried deep inside of her.

You kiss her forehead, tasting the saltiness of the sweat that now covers her flushed face - so hot that you would think she's the one with the fever.

Soon, her breathing stabilises, and she makes the effort to lazily kiss your cheek and whisper in your ear, "use me."

Her words are all you need, and slowly, you shift your hips downwards, sliding Yeji far enough up the length of your cock, priming yourself for the perfect angle to drive your cock right back inside her with a firm thrust.

"Ummmph!" Yeji moans into your neck as you resume fucking her in earnest.

It had taken all your self-control to hold back from joining her before - her pussy far too hot, far too wet. But now all that wetness, all that heat, just made her pussy even more perfect - easily sliding you in and out of her, allowing you to fuck her with strong, hard strokes.

You can feel the hard thumping of her heart against your chest as you recklessly thrust in and out of her, not giving her a chance to adjust, chasing after the pleasure promised by her hot, tight body.

"Yes, honey," Yeji moans into your ear, "use me - use my body to feel better."

You find the perfect angle to fuck Yeji, ensuring every thrust maximises the depths you could reach inside her hot, clenching pussy. You're purely focused on your own pleasure, roughly fucking upwards into her tight, hard body - overindulging in her pussy the same way she had wildly fucked herself on your cock before.

Still, despite your lack of care for her comfort or her pleasure, she still moans, still cries out your name, still pleads for more.

"Fuck me," is the only thing Yeji can think to say now, the only words able to be formed from her lust-addled brain, "fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!"

It's those words, the whining of your bed-frame, and the sounds of your hips meeting and your cock pumping into her slick, hot pussy that echo through your bedroom as you find yourself hurtling towards your own orgasm.

Yeji completely gives herself over to you, lets her body be freely fucked, gives you her cunt to be driven in and out of as hard and fast as you can possibly manage. It's impossible to last any longer frantically fucking Yeji's perfect body like this - she tightens and pulses around you, trembles in your grasp, and you can do nothing but keep thrusting.

"Yeji, I'm gonna - "

"Cum?"

"Yes! Where - "

Yeji springs to life - she breaks out of your grasps and slides off your cock and back down to your waist. Barely a second passes between your shaft slipping out of her pussy and her lips sealing around the head of your cock, trading the pleasure of one warm hole for another.

Your hands follow her, helpless to do much else but grab locks of silky hair as Yeji takes hold of your cock and begins fiercely stroking your length up and down and into her mouth. Her cheeks hollow as her lips suck you in hard, her hands twist and pump at an unbearably rapid pace, and her tongue swirls around the tip of your cock, as she dedicates herself to milking you dry.

And then Yeji's eyes snap upwards, pinning you with her gaze - needing you to cum, begging you to let go and give yourself over to the pleasure of her.

She overwhelms you - forcing a strained, deep groan out of your throat as your cock pulses in her tight grasp and the first ropes of thick, hot cum fires into the back of Yeji's warm, welcoming mouth. Each shot is answered with a low, lustful moan around your shaft, causing her lips to vibrate against your tip, adding to the overload of sensation stemming from your cock and flowing through your body.

Yeji keeps stroking you, keeps squeezing you through the dying embers of your orgasm, her throat flexing and swallowing down each successive shot of warm, white semen.

Not a single drop goes to waste - nothing slips past the tight seal of her lips - and through it all you can feel her tongue lapping up against your slit, licking up all the cum you have to offer.

Yeji doesn't let up, keeping your cock in the grasp of her lips and her hands until you start to go soft in her mouth and your shaft slips out past the suction of her lips on its own. When she's finally done, Yeji smacks her lips in satisfaction and performatively opens her mouth wide, rolling out her tongue to show her empty mouth, having hungrily swallowed down all your cum.

"Was that everything you fantasied?" Yeji asks, licking her lips, savouring the lingering taste of you in her mouth.

"Fuck," is all you say, only now being able to catch your breath and find your voice. "If that won't cure me, I don't know what will."

Yeji smiles at that, giving the exposed tip of your cock a final kiss before resting her head against your thigh. She lazily runs her fingers over your softening cock, all the while staring lovingly up at you. A thought seems to occur to her, as her eyebrows raise, and her lips open slightly, as if she's about to say something important.

"What?"

"Nothing," Yeji replies. "Just…"

You look down at your girlfriend, attempting to analyse the mysterious expression on her face, watching as her face furrows in deep concentration and her mouth opens to say -

"Achoo!"

#kpop smut #itzy smut #yeji smut #male reader

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thespoonisvictory · 2 years

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I Ramble About The Ending For A Long Time

ok hello i am insane yes yes

however when else are you going to see me write c!crime meta

what’s important first off is that the emotional core of the story is still there. that’s the only reason why this works for me. this was a story about two bored brothers who make a story that turns into a nation together, and under that it’s about communication and loyalty and the strain mental illness places on a relationship and underneath even that it’s a story about two streamers in a pandemic who wanted content and to make each other laugh.

that is never undermined or taken less than 100% seriously; it’s the emotional core of the whole thing. as wild as it gets and as bold choices are made, both wilburs love both tommys and vice versa.

it’s a similar story with the line at the end: “I never did quite forgive myself” isn’t undermined, isn’t played for laughs. The argument c!crime have is incredibly well done and people will write actual analysis about that so you should go read it, but the gist of it is that c!crime are what they’ve always been: more than a bit unhealthy, perpetually arguing, but never quite willing to give up on each other.

with that being said, I felt like that was what I wanted out of the finale achieved. now to get into the wild parts.

the interesting part for me is how c!wilbur’s insane mindset is, for the first time, actually challenged and beat.

we’ve been saying for months that one of c!wilbur’s biggest issues is that his paranoia manifests in believing he is in a story, that there are roles like heroes and villains, that he has to play his part and there is nothing he can do about it. he’s his own self-fulfilling prophecy, he takes himself incredibly seriously, and most importantly, he is aware of the audience.

and nothing could break that. everyone around wilbur confirmed to his narrative, letting his vague statements that were clearly a narrative foreshadowing to suicide slip by. he’s getting swallowed up again by his own story, he is the one putting chekov’s gun on the wall, never quite saying something, but implying just enough that he was willing it into reality.

(he does the same thing in season 1, remember? he tells everyone he’s going to press the button enough times that by the end he feels like he has to because he’s foreshadowed it, because it’s who he is now. eret said it was never meant to be and thus it wasn’t. if you’re in an improv rp and you know it, speaking things is enough to make them real.)

and it almost works again! he almost follows the exact same trajectory of self-deprecation and sealing his fate. except. tommy’s not taking it this time.

tommy, having gone through everything he’s gone through, finally gets to win this. he looks the entire force of wilbur’s simultaneously self-aggrandizing and deprecating mindset dead in the eye and says tell me what you’re fucking talking about.

he says the words! he looks at wilbur and says we’ve both been in this story before, I know what you’re doing, I know who you are and what this is and I’m not going to let it happen again. tell me, are you going to kill yourself? he enters into wilbur’s spiral and says this can’t be redemption if you still won’t be honest with me and you can’t leave without apologizing.

he gets right to the core, no subtext, with all the blunt honesty he’s ever had, and c!wilbur, worn down from fighting and apologizing and the exhaustion of it all, finally gives in. he stops lying.

his backstory was never cool. he was a gas station attendee, never any sort of leader before coming to the smp, and his jacket was just another uniform. he isn’t even european. he somehow sailed here from a landlocked state, because why not. this is Not the type of backstory for the type of person he’s trying to build himself up to be, this isn’t the fit for the genre at all!

but insanely, impossibly, it’s true. it’s canon. just like the fish fucking and the fridge mom and everything else. it is ridiculous! and with that, it’s the realization that wilbur’s story has always been a serious character with serious feelings in ridiculous circumstance. his very real suicide was attempted via looney-tunes-esque sticks of dynamite in a pile, his ghost talks in a high-pitched voice and gives out blue dye. none of this undermines the seriousness of c!wilbur’s feelings, but it does undermine how he views himself as some great evil out of Game of Thrones.

he died and got revived by a book! his depression fort was named pogtopia! he has always existed just under the threshold of ridiculousness by just how seriously he takes it all, how seriously everyone takes it.

and c!tommy has always loved the person under the narrative he paints, and that’s why, at the end of it all, he can get through to him. tommy knows the story, he loves parts of it (l’manburg, the family, etc), but he doesn’t love this part, and for once, he gets to choose. he pushes and pushes and says you love me enough to not shy away from this, I am banking on you loving me enough not to push me away again, and he’s completely right! he breaks the cycle by being the same kid he’s always been.

and so wilbur’s end is ridiculous. it’s absurd, but it’s not him killing himself again. it’s not drenched in the belief that everything he made should be destroyed, but full of callbacks and nods to who he was. he never did quite forgive himself, but he’s not looking to the audience for forgiveness anymore, either.

there are no more looks into the camera, and the book he gives for tommy is for his eyes alone, unlike every other speech like apology we’ve seen so far. he says things that the audience won’t reach. he invites us, one last time, to look upon his works and despair, to tell us that nothing remains. but he is still there, even if there is no story to watch. he is not part of a story anymore. the cameras are cut, and he survived. he is nothing more than himself.

#wilbur soot #tommyinnit #dsmp meta #dsmp analysis #dear god I have so many thoughts about thi #I love taking things too seriously #suicide tw

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lilareviewsbooks · 1 year

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Queer Normal-World in SFF Books

Here are five books where being queer is the norm, aka there is no homophobia or transphobia at all! Not all these books are fluffy though -- most of them have heavy conflicts and a bunch of shit going down, but at least no one has a problem with anyone being gay!

These are my favorite kind of books and I have so, so many recommendations, so let me know if you ever want more of these :) And I can also absolutely do only fluffy queer books, too!

The Genesis of Misery, by Neon Yang

Mx. Yang's books are perfect for this type of prompt. The Genesis of Misery is their most recent, and the premise is absolutely killer. It follows Misery Nomaki (she/they), who is haunted by an apparition of an angel. While she is convinced she is mentally ill like her mother, and that her visions are a symptom, people around her seem more and more certain that she is actually some sort of messiah.

I have my issues with The Genesis of Misery, but it’s a very creative sci-fi that’s worth the read. It includes mecha, interesting depictions of religion, which permeates the entire story, and, of course, excellent queer rep. We have characters who use neo-pronouns, a polyamory situationship and most characters are queer. Not to mention, it’s written by a queer and non-binary author, which is always a plus. It’s part of an on-going series, though, so be prepared to wait a little while for the sequel!

Plus, The Locked Tomb fans might be interested to know that there’s a very cavalier-necromancer dynamic in this, and that Rebecca Roanhorse (who wrote Black Sun) described it as Joan of Arc meets Gideon The Ninth.

Yep. You wanna read it, don’t you?

(Also, if for some reason you’re like: “gee, I really wish there was a black-and-white silent movie with a killer score that touched on these same themes”, then you should probably watch The Passion of Joan of Arc (Carl Theodor Dreyer, 1928). It’s not explicitly gay, but it is queer in my heart. And it rocks.)

The Locked Tomb Series, starting with Gideon The Ninth, by Tasmyn Muir

Since I mentioned it, I guess I might as well include The Locked Tomb in here! This is a Tumblr favorite, and with good reason, because The Locked Tomb fucking rocks. It’s hard to pitch it to someone without ruining the whole point of the series, but the first book follows a necromancer, Harrowhark and her sworn swords-woman, her cavalier, the butch-as-hell Gideon, as they’re summoned to the First House to compete to become Lyctors, the companions of God.

Yeah, I know that’s a lot, and, to be honest, it’s probably not gonna make much sense to you at many points throughout the story, but that’s the point of The Locked Tomb - everything is confusing, and it’s about sapphics in space!

The thing about this series is they’re the most unique books you’ll ever read. Every volume has a different approach to telling its story. There’s so many mysteries and it’s almost impossible to understand all the intricacies without sitting down and doing some work. The magic system is also the wonkiest, coolest thing - it involves eating people, sometimes, y’know. And, I promise, you’ll love every single second of it. Especially because there’s absolutely no homophobia or transphobia in any of it, and almost every character is queer as fuck - especially after the second book, when gender starts getting a little funky!

Winter’s Orbit, by Everina Maxwell

I love this book so much, and so know that it comes highly, highly recommended! I have a whole five star review on it you can check out here. (Do check trigger warnings, though! You should always, but especially for this one. I didn’t and they really got me!).

Winter’s Orbit features my absolutely favorite trope - queer arranged marriage. (Nothing better - those three words and you know it’s gonna be a queer normal world, have some politics and probably be really fucking sweet.) This one is probably one of only ones out of this list where the romance is very predominant and serves as an important B plot. It’s also a standalone, but has a companion book in the same universe, called Ocean’s Echo, which rocks, too!

This one follows Jainan, a recent widower who is rushed into an arranged marriage with Prince Kiem in order to keep the alliance between their homelands intact. Together, they must navigate court intrigue I’m trying my best not to spoil and investigate Jainan’s ex-husband’s death, which might not have been an accident, after all...

In this sci-fi fantasy world, being queer is completely normal, and their system when it comes to gender is absolutely fascinating. People will wear little gender signifiers, like a wodden token for female, for instance, so that others know how to refer to them. It’s super cool to see these kind of things incorporated into the world-building, and it’s something you really only get when queer authors are behind the helm.

(Also, this was originally written online, and it was actually picked up and traditionally published! Which is so cool! Queer fics becoming traditionally published books is so rare, it’s so nice to see it actually happen!)

The Teixcalaan Series, starting with A Memory Called Empire, by Arkady Martine

This is another one of my favorites! I read it last year and it blew me away - so much so that I’ve been itching to re-read it ever since I finished the second book.

The Teixcalaan Series is a political sci-fi duology focusing on the themes of language, empire and cultural domination through imperialism. It’s amazing, and I wrote about it in a full-length review, here, if you wanna take a look!

It follows Mahit Dzamare, from the tiny Lsel Station, who becomes the ambassador to the huge Teixcalaan Empire, whose culture she’s been in love with for ages. The problem? Something happened to the Lsel ambassador, and the Empire’s control over the Station has been growing ever bigger. To make matters worse, Mahit’s imago machine - the cerebral implant full of her predecessors memories and experiences - doesn’t seem to be working properly, leaving her with a ghost of her predecessor inside of her head...

With all the problems the Teixcalaan Empire has, it’s not homophobic or transphobic, which is a plus for us gays who want to read in peace. Mahit has a charged relationship with her cultural liason, Three Seagrass (yes, that’s her name; yes, there’s an in-world explanation; no, I won’t tell you what it is, you’ll have to read it and find out), not to mention all the hijinks she finds out her predecessor was up to. And none of it needs to be justified or explained at all - people are just gay, and that’s fine!

On A Sunbeam, by Tillie Walden

This graphic novel has a stunning art style, and, listen closely sapphics, absolutely no men at all. Yep. Literally there’s only women and non-binary people in this comic!

And guess what? It’s available to read for free, here. Thank you, Ms. Walden!

Here, romance is also an important plot point. On A Sunbeam follows Mia, who starts working for a crew of repair-people who rebuild broken down structures. In another timeline, we flashback to her experiences at her boarding school, and to her relationship with a new student.

What’s most unique about On A Sunbeam - apart from the fact that there are no men at all - is it’s unique version of outer space. It’s almost historical, with huge sprawling marble structures decaying, surronded by trees. The ships are shaped like huge fish. You can feel the whimsy in your bones from the colors and the art style that Ms. Walden uses, here.

This standalone is definitely worth a read. And if you like it, you should definitely check out the rest of Ms. Walden’s work - it’s all as beautiful as this is, if not more. Her The End of Summer was one of my favorite reads, last year.

That’s all I’ve got, guys, but lemme know if you want more of these - I have so many, I can definitely recommend you more! Drop me an ask if you have specifications, too - I’m always happy to do some digging :)

#booklr #book recommendations #book recs #queer books #sapphic books #lgbtq books #book review #queer sff #sff books #the locked tomb #the genesis of misery #neon yang #gideon the ninth #winters orbit #a memory called empire #teixcalaan #on a sunbeam #tillie walden

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mariaofdoranelle · 7 months

Text

Look at Us Now - ch. 17

Fic masterlist

Hey! It feels like forever since I last posted, probably because I was kinda handling a crisis at home 😅 the crisis is very much still on, but I’m ~excluding myself from the narrative~ for mental health reasons, which hopefully means I’ll stop skipping classes and write more lol. Anyway. Have fun!

Warnings: language

Words: 2,7k

Rowan failed her.

He was reminiscing, reflecting on a rocking chair, under the faint light of the beach house’s side porch. Alone. The hammering sound of the rain against the roof was loud, but not as much as Rowan’s thoughts.

His doom was a lot easier to deal with when Aelin was just someone who broke his heart because she didn’t care enough about him.

He rocked his chair a bit harder, his muscles strained. He was too angry at himself to stay still, but too gloomy to have an eruptive reaction.

Rowan got up, pacing around the porch. He couldn’t stop thinking what would’ve happened if he’d done his job right. Maybe they would be together now. Maybe their co-parenting arrangement would’ve stayed friendly. Either way would be better than what it became.

The purely physical affair he had with Aelin was brutally interrupted by his incarceration and the discovery of her pregnancy. After that, they bonded in a way that made him feel like their souls were melting to be forged as one, but it was just another way of not having her.

Aelin was never fully his, and she would never be after what he’d done.

And even if she wanted to take a risk and have him, what if Rowan broke his family all over again?

Three knocks against the doorframe snapped Rowan out of his thoughts, and was all warning his mother gave him before sitting on a rocking chair.

“I brought some hot tea for you to tell me what happened. Come on.”

He complied, knowing he didn’t have the energy to defy Rory Whitethorn right now. Rowan could trust his mom to read his moods like a manual. He sat on the other rocking chair next to hers. “Did I ever tell you you’re too nosy?”

“I’m your mother. If I didn’t pry, I wouldn’t know anything that happened in your life ever since you left for college.”

He let out a quiet chuckle and sipped the chamomile tea she brought. Breathing the rain’s fresh air in, he let it fill his hollow chest. Rowan couldn’t even begin to explain his situation without uttering the words he dreaded the most, something he’d never dared say out loud before.

“I’m in love with Aelin.”

He stilled, bracing himself for the I’ve been telling you that forever or You’re six years too late, but all he got was an unreadable motherly look.

Rory reached for his upper arm, stroked it with her thumb before she said, “That’s a good thing, honey.”

“We were growing closer lately, and I… well, I didn’t have a plan, but—“ Rowan ran a hand through his hair, closed his eyes and let out a pained breath. “She explained today why she asked me to move out of her house. It’s bad, mom.”

“I see…” Rory trailed, his chest caving as she did. This was a bad indicator. The situation was so serious his mother was actually thinking before she opened her mouth. She continued, “I’m assuming you won’t tell me what happened?”

“I’m not sure I can.”

Even if Aelin allowed him to tell Rory about her mental illness, everything that happened between them back then still felt too raw, too intimate.

“That’s okay.” His mother gave him a small, reassuring smile. “Did she forgive you?”

“I—“ Rowan’s mouth hung open for a moment, then he closed it. He was about to say ‘no’, but even though Aelin didn’t say the words, she didn’t look mad or wounded either. “I’m not sure.”

“It was a long time ago, and she doesn’t look upset about it anymore.” His mom’s voice was soft, her touch on his forearm gentle. “This looks a lot like forgiveness to me.”

“Yeah, but that’s beside the point.” His mouth was ajar as he flailed his arms in front of him, struggling to explain that weight in his chest. “I shouldn’t be looking for cues and forgiveness. I shouldn’t have done anything that—“ Rowan rubbed both hands against his face, coming to terms with the fact that it’d take a while until he found the right words. “I don’t even feel like I deserve her forgiveness, to begin with.”

Rory recoiled. “But that’s not your decision.”

The sudden change in his mother’s tone, from soft to firm, snapped Rowan out of his spiral of self-loathing. “What?”

“Honey,” she pursed her lips, that trademark Whitethorn frown on. “Only Aelin can decide whether you deserve her or not. If she thinks you do and wants to try again…” Rory shrugged. “Just take that chance and don’t make the same mistake twice.”

Rowan’s mouth and shoulders went slack. “Am I supposed to forget I deeply wounded the mother of my child?”

Because that’s exactly what happened. Rowan was so scared to hurt Maisie it made him blind to some of Aelin’s needs, and he hurt his family anyway. His throat closed, and he felt as heavy as Aelin’s words on the night that crushed his dreams. That’s what happens, right? It’s impossible for a man to wound the mother exclusively. As if this isn’t bad enough, it leaves a trail of hurt that affects the entire family.

This one was on him.

“That was included in the ‘don’t fuck up again’ part.” Something about his expression made his mother soften. “It’s normal to wallow, but you can’t let that stop your life, Rowan. It’s always the same thing.” Rory sighed, and Rowan felt she was gazing right into his soul with the same green eyes she gave him. “Honey, you’re so full of what-ifs, it’s putting your entire life on hold. Sometimes you gotta be a little bold to get the things you want in life.”

Rowan stared at his mother, dizziness taking over him as his insides sank to the pit of his stomach. The rain was dying down, the gentle wind rustling his hair, but he couldn’t move.

At that moment, Rowan wanted to defend himself. He didn’t have the energy to, but he wanted to say that his mother was wrong, that she didn’t understand. He wanted to get up and scream.

He doesn’t like the way things are now, he never liked the co-parenting arrangement.

He didn’t choose this.

He never chose to wait for things to settle until six years passed by, it just happened.

Rowan is a careful person, that’s part of him. Always weighing his next step, always waiting for the right time.

And while he waited for the timing to be perfect, Aelin got pregnant, moved in with him, birthed his baby, kicked him out, grew to hate him, stopped hating him, and now their daughter is five years old.

He was still gravitating around her, waiting for the right time to do something. Anything. Rowan wasn’t even sure what exactly he was supposed to do, he just knew it involved bringing Aelin back into his life.

Sensing his struggle, Rory sat back and decided to not press on the subject. “This reminds me of your dad, you know?” Her gaze grew distant, a bittersweet smile on her lips. “It’s easier for him when I mess up than when he does. The guilt is always the worst part for him.”

“Sounds like Dad,” Rowan said around a faint chuckle.

Rory wiggled her eyebrows. ”You know what helped him a lot?”

“Huh.”

“Therapy.”

Rowan tensed, and he narrowed his eyes at his mother, trying to decide if he should believe her. “You’re lying.”

“I am! But it got into your stubborn head, didn’t it?”

Rowan chuckled, his gloomy state not strong enough to survive his mother’s antics. “Not now that I know it’s a lie!”

She gave him a small grin, then reached for her son’s hand. “Honey, your father’s mental well-being is called retirement, a grown child, and leaving the big city to a beach house. You can’t have any of that now, so you should consider therapy.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Rowan waved her off. “I’ll think about it.”

“Also, you should really talk to Aelin. You’re not good at reading cues, honey, you got this from your dad as well.”

He gave her a sidelong glance, noticing that she was off her handling-my-son-in-crisis mode, back to her usual self. “Is that so?”

Rory adjusted herself in chair, picking back the long-forgotten mug of tea. “Did I ever tell you your father hired a band when he proposed to me? You have no idea the amount of unsubtle hints I gave him.”

“Mom.” Rowan interrupted, giving her a pointed, knowing look. “I don’t remember saying anything about proposing.”

He had no idea if Aelin would let him get anywhere close to that.

“I know.” Rory’s elbow on his side was as faint as her subtlety. “But keep that in mind.”

He chuckled. “The band or the hints?”

“Both. Especially hints about bands.”

“And what if you want to swim?” He asked, crouched on the floor and eye-to-eye with Maisie, his face as serious as it could be.

“I can’t swim without a grown-up.”

“Any grown-up?”

“No strangers!” She dramatically shook her head. “Just Mommy, Auntie Sellene and Aidan.”

“Maisie.” Rowan’s voice was firm. “Your cousin Aidan isn’t a grown-up.”

“But he’s nine!”

“No, he’s still a kid. And…” He bowed his head, running his palm against his forehead. “I’m forgetting something.”

“Daddy.” She gave him a pointed look. “You’re being a buzzard.”

Rowan bit back a smile. The weight in his chest almost crushed him to pieces the first time Maisie called him that, about a month ago, but he was growing to love hearing the nickname Aelin gave him come from his daughter’s mouth.

“Oh.” He looked back up to her. “And what do we do about the beach animals?”

Maisie crossed her arms. “Leave them alone because it’s their home.”

“Perfect.” He kissed the top of his daughter’s head. “Time for sunscreen.”

“You done, Buzzard?”

Rowan startled, snapping his eyes to the doorway and finding Aelin there. If he wasn’t on his knees already, he would be now.

Her pink bikini made his eyes linger, but was enough to make him train his eyes back to her face, and Rowan thanked Mala she was at least wearing denim shorts. He plastered on a smile, looking at her face. Not her pink bikini and exposed curves. Blonde hair—not the ends hugging her breasts—and blue eyes. He focused on her face.

It was a regular beach attire, but Aelin didn’t need much to take his breath away.

She smiled at her daughter, pointing at the lotion in Rowan’s hand. “Auntie Sellene can’t find Bree’s sunscreen, can you hand yours to them?”

Maisie got the tube from her dad and ran downstairs, a girl on a mission. After a quick peek in the hallway, Aelin closed the door and took a step closer to Rowan, her arms crossed.

“You sure you don’t wanna come?”

Rowan shook his head. “I got a thing.”

“You got a thing… in a city where you have no work, and half the people you know are going to the beach?”

His lips pressed together in a slight grimace. “I’m staying home with the other half.”

“Rowan, are you—“ Aelin took a step closer and lowered her voice before asking, “Are we alright?”

“Yeah.” His voice came higher than intended, then he corrected, “No. Um.” Rowan grimaced. “Actually, can we—“

“Come on, Aelin!” Sellene shouted from downstairs.

He gave her a close-lipped smile. “You should go.”

“Sure.”

She took a step back, eyeing him carefully before fully turning around. Rowan’s shoulders dropped in relief when she left. They needed to talk, yes, but Rowan needed to organize his thoughts before they did.

He waited in his room until the rental car drove off the garage, and headed towards his dad’s office. Rowan flinched every time the wooden floor creaked—he didn’t know why, since he wasn’t sneaking, but something about that moment made him want to go unnoticed. It wasn’t his childhood home, but it still had the same smell of baked goods and the same pictures on the wall. Except that now the pictures of Rowan as a kid were side-by-side with Maisie’s.

In one of the frames, he was wearing his daily camouflage uniform, while Aelin wore the hospital staff’s maternity uniform—white pants and a white wrap blouse she absolutely hated, but her blinding smile suggested she wasn’t worried about it at the moment. Rowan remembered it was taken on the day they moved into her house, but he never understood why his mother kept it there. She wasn’t even with them that day, Aelin texted her that one, but maybe she noticed how Aelin’s silly smiles and enormous bump broke his usual serious stance in pictures.

Rowan didn’t miss how she ignored his love confession yesterday.

He glanced at the watch at the end of the hall. It was almost time. He wanted a better way to look at things, but it was a difficult task. What was Rowan supposed to tell her? Hi. Remember when you made me realize the biggest mistake of my life, I confessed my love to you, and you stayed silent? I already have my rejection, I just need the complete humiliation to have some closure.

It could be a dramatic depiction of what he was going to say, but he couldn’t find a better way to put it right now.

Depending on how the conversation went, Rowan could even grovel enough to confess that he didn’t need Aelin to love him back, that was not his issue. If she chose to share her life with him, that’d be more than he could ever ask for.

But would that be what he deserves?

Deserving of her or not, Aelin is the mother of his child, the love of his life. He didn’t expect her forgiveness, but he couldn’t let go of her either.

He opened his dad’s computer and logged into his email to get the link. He opened Zoom two minutes early, but the meeting’s host was already there.

“Hey there!” Yrene cheered from his screen. “I wasn’t expecting your text, but it’s good to see you.”

This session had been canceled for a very long time, since he and Aelin decided to not do therapy during their vacation. However, it came in very handy that Rowan’s mental turmoil started a day before their weekly session was supposed to happen, so he texted Yrene asking if they could meet online.

Rowan tried to smile, but his expression was strained. “Did I crash your plans?”

“Not at all! I was going to lie on the couch and play Subway Surfers for an hour. It’s a good thing you called, since I’m always encouraging people to fight their vices.” Yrene leaned closer to her screen, as if it’d help her see Rowan’s better. “Where’s Aelin?”

He scratched the back of his head, fighting the unease in the bottom of his stomach. “It’s just me today.”

She straightened her posture, squaring her shoulders. “An individual session, then?”

Rowan nodded.

“Good!” Yrene cleared her throat and continued in a serious tone, “I mean, good. What made you take that decision?”

Rowan swallowed, fiddling with his fingers and steeling himself for what he was about to say. For the second time.

“I’m in love with Aelin.”

“Go on.”

He frowned. “You don’t look surprised.”

“I’m really not.” Yrene’s own blunt answer made her grimace. “What I mean is, I’ve been working with families for a long time. It gets easy to tell.”

“Sure.”

He looked at Yrene. She looked at him. He was the first one to break, darting a glance at the wall, feigning interest there to ignore the awkwardness of this situation. Rowan wasn’t used to leading conversations, Aelin and Yrene usually did that.

“Okay.” His therapist cleared her throat. “I’ll give you two options, and you’ll choose how we start: you can tell me what happened in your vacation, or we can talk about how you only choose therapy because of your family, never yourself.”

Rowan was halfway into a flinch when he schooled his expression. This wasn’t a difficult choice at all.

“We arrived here last Saturday…”

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#rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #aelin ashryver galathynius #throne of glass #rowaelin fanfiction #rowan x aelin #aelin x rowan #rowaelin fanfic #throne of glass fanfic #look at us now

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