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circular-bircular · 3 months

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Whether you conceptualize your alters/headmates/parts/what have you as part of you or individual people or whatever, god I don't care--

You need to take responsibility for the actions of those within your body.

It is your body taking the actions. It is your self that is doing these things.

Taking responsibility does not mean it is your fault, exactly, but it does mean you have to take the steps to make things right.

#Hoo boy #System accountability #Syscourse

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system-hottakes · 1 month

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not sure if it is a hot take but it's abt system accountability, n we think it may be useful so here it is.

seems like some systems who dislike system accountability think like: "it wasn't me, so why do i have to be responsible for that?"

for me, there's two different kinds of "me". the first kind is me as an alter. and the second one is "me" as a system. n system accountability goes by the second one. like. it wasn't me as alter, but it was me as a system. n we should take responsibility as a system.

when have worked at organization, sometimes had to apologize for things that weren't my fault. that were even out of my control. because was a face of organization n had to take responsibility on behalf of organization. so think it applies to system accountability.

but also wanna state that system accountability should coexist with some understanding. sometimes people have no communication with alters who fucked up. sometimes people have amnesia n don't remember doing wrong thing. sometimes people have no control over other alters' behavior. n it should be taken into account.

yes, they still have to face consequences. but sometimes they should have a second chance (after apologizing n fixing what can be fixed). not when their behavior is dangerous or really harmful. not when it happens again n again n again. but there should be some understanding.

n we personally will treat same way not only with systems. we think people deserve second chance if their mistake was not dangerous or really harmful.

so we consider system accountability a healthy n really important thing, but think there should be some nuances n understanding.

yeah maybe it's actually a hot take.

no reply, just this ^^ system accountability is important but so is understanding

#anti endo #did system #system #actually did #alters #did #endos dni #hot takes #hot take #system accountability

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acorpsecalledcorva · 3 months

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Ok actually I might actually have something to say on this. I originally wasn't because the idea of system responsibility/accountability seems like such a no brainer to me I couldn't even think of a response to that thread going around right now that wasn't just "lol, no". Like, if we both have the same information on the topic and that's the conclusion you've come to about it then I simply cannot help you.

I also dislike conversations about things being anti-recovery because there's always nuance where you simply cannot definitively say something is or isn't anti recovery in a way that applies to everyone. I have decided, however, that this topic might actually be dangerously anti-recovery for a lot of people and I'm probably just being a pussy not wanting to poke the hornets nest by avoiding it. So here goes.

A huge complication of this, is of course, the dissonance between therapeutic and community settings. The two will never line up, they will never wholly agree with each other, and there will always be conflict. You can never seamlessly take advice from one, and apply it to the other, not least of all because neither the community nor the therapists we see make up a cohesive hive mind. There are different goals, different methods to achieving those goals, and disagreements on what those goals should be.

That being said, let's at least explore these ideas in their correct contexts and see if it can at least expand our perception and understanding of them. You don't need to relate to these scenarios, simply try to see the topic from the hypothetical systems point of view.

Therapeutic Setting

The host of a system presents at a therapists office. She is aware of her alters and has good relations with many of them but struggles to manage her day to day life. She suffers from an intense fear of abandonment and has incredibly low self esteem. There are several alters in her system that she is deeply concerned about that have created conflict in her life. One is sexually promiscuous and has ended relationships by sleeping with people other than her partners, one that harms the body and is hostile towards her including strongly negative critical thoughts, and one that is dedicated to permanently ending friendships and relationships by being extremely cruel and harmful to the people she cares about. She is very scared of these alters and wants nothing to do with them, she resents them for what they have done and is scared of what they might do. Her goal in therapy is to create greater harmony within her system, to have better collaboration with her alters and reduce the amount of internal and external conflict in her life.

The therapeutic approach in this scenario would be to remind the host that the alters she is afraid of are the result of traumatic events, and formed as part of a defence mechanism to protect her younger self, but that these defence mechanisms have likely gotten stuck and may no longer be appropriate to help with the problems they seek to solve. These alters may also feel alienated from the rest of the system, they might feel like they are being unfairly punished for trying to help and resent the host for pushing them away and punishing her back. Therefore, the path to resolving this issue is to accept these alters for who they are and what they're trying to do. To be grateful for the help they provided in the past and how much they must care for her to do what they do. To work on the fear and apprehension, because everyone in the system is part of the same brain and so will know if she doesn't really mean it, so that everyone can be brought closer together and work collaboratively towards common goals. After all, they all share the same brain, the same body, and must live the same life and what affects one will affect the other.

Community Setting

The host of a system enters the online system community. They are not the original host of the system, and do not go by the bodies name. They join system discord servers as well as follow many systems on social media platforms such as TikTok. They feel at home in these spaces as they are very alter centric. They, and the rest of their system are encouraged to share details about themselves, write lengthy bios, and differentiate themselves from each other. This works well for everyone in the system because it provides a freedom of self expression that is absent from their real world life. The alters find it very validating to establish their own identities and be treated as their own individual selves. These feelings are reinforced by sentiments shared in their communities that no one should force them to fuse, that fusion is equivalent to death, and that parts language is dehumanising. The system does not feel the need to seek therapeutic support as they are happy as a system and have heard accounts that made them wary of being invalidated by a therapist.

There is one alter, however, that likes to get up to mischief and create drama. They often front momentarily to leave inflammatory remarks, don't abide by community guidelines, and keep getting them into trouble. They post to Reddit to ask for advice on how to stop them when they're someone else and they can't control what they do and are told "your alters aren't different people, they're part of you and so it's up to you to work with them to change their behaviour". Well that doesn't sound right. The alter isn't them, that's the whole point of being a system. They decide instead that there's simply nothing they can do about it, that alter has nothing to do with them and controlling their actions would be like trying to control a random person on the street

Now it's completely understandable why two systems from these two settings would come away with completely different perceptions of what being a system is like. Why one would find the other anti-recovery and the other would find the other invalidating. But there is a key commonality between them, and that is both systems are distancing themselves from the alters causing issues, one through fear, and the other through absolvement.

System responsibility in both cases, therefore, is to accept their role in the conflict as an active participant and seek to resolve it. In the therapeutic setting it's to recognise that the hosts fear and resentment, if understandable, is contributing to the furthering of conflict and reactionary behaviour from the alters in question. For the latter system, it's to accept that as individual and different each person within the system is, they still share one body, share one life, use the same phone or computer, and have the same accounts. That they do not get special rights as a system that singlets do not. That if they want access to spaces where they can all be themselves then they all need to agree to abide by the rules or none of them will have access to protect the other members of the community.

Neither of these are nice or enjoyable or easy things to accept, but, and this is the really crucial bit, if you don't take responsibility for your system or your role in an alters behaviour, then you are consenting to the behaviour by your refusal and whether you accept it or not, others will hold you accountable for doing so.

So what's it to be? Do you want your friends and partners to be hurt and lose your access to spaces that you find so affirming? Or do you want to put in the work to build communication, participation, and collaboration with your system so that you can all enjoy your individual lives together?

#syscourse #system responsibility #system accountability

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fireboltsystem · 2 months

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On System Responsibility/Accountability

I think it's reasonable to not want someone else's actions to be put onto you. It feels unfair, especially if the actions were harmful or if the person that did it absolutely does not want to take responsibility. Oftentimes we have no control over what other alters do, and it can feel like being blamed for someone else's behavior.

However, I think the reality is that taking accountability for other headmates' actions is an important part of navigating social relationships while plural. Regardless of how unfair it feels. Apologizing on behalf of others is a signal to those harmed that you don't stand against them, and that you think what happened to them wasn't right. And if you have the ability to work within your system to prevent further harm somehow, that's even better.

I feel a lot of arguments in favor of "system responsibility" or "collective responsibility" do really boil down to "Well, you're all part of the same whole" (read: 'Actually just one person') which. Hm. Certainly doesn't apply to every system. I think a better argument is that it will benefit everyone when an effort is made to show remorse and a willingness to avoid future harm, and if the original cause of that harm isn't willing to do so, then someone else can, and that still means something.

The reality is complicated; none of us are perfect. No one should be expected to throw themselves at someone's feet to attone for someone else's actions. "I'm sorry we said/did that, I will talk to X about how that's not okay" can go a long way.

🔀 & 🌹

#plurality #endo safe #plural #plural system #system accountability #zonic.txt #amy.txt

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theswiftheartsystem · 4 months

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Hello! I'm new to discovering that I might be part of a system, and I very much enjoy brutal/dark media, but now I am worried of gaining a fictive from an "evil" source, are there any precautions or anything else I should do in order to keep enjoying this? or should I simply stop all contact with that media?

okay, so how we see interest is this:

there is a risk of any media to cause a fictive. Here’s some things to think about:

Are you willing to help them heal if they have trauma from their source?

what would you do if they act like their source?

and finally: Does this media make me happy and is not negatively impacting my mental health? Am I willing to risk the possibility? Even if it is impacting my mental Health, am I okay with risking this possibility?

These things do happen. In our own experience we have a fictive from the book Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (which is where those two characters come from, although in the book it’s about addiction and the duality of a Victorian Gentleman, not a split personality thing, still a lot of bad stuff in it.) because of how much impact that book meant to us as the time. (This is way before we knew we were plural) They formed as a persecutor and that was something we had to deal with and work through.

You cannot change the past, you can only improve for the future.

So yeah, just keep in mind these things. It is okay to have alters from bad sources but if they do something bad, then you and everyone else will have to take responsibility.

also keep in mind, not all introjects (fictives, factives, ect) are like their source, or even like their source.

One last thing is, show them compassion and respect, even if they are bad. Any alter can get better, and be a good person.

#did #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #did system #endo friendly #pro endo #traumagenic system #actually plural #endo safe #did alter #fictional introject #fictive #problematic introject #problematic fictive #tw splitting #System accountability #System responsibility #problematic source #anti proship

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circulars-reasoning · 2 years

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If One Alter Believes It, You All Do (it’s okay, promise)

Time for another long post, though fair warning, I am a bit sleepy. I just feel this is a very important post to make.

This post is open to debate, from all sides of syscourse. However, this post is written with specifically DID/OSDD/UDD/p-DID in mind, and may not be applicable to Endogenic plurals or DID (umbrella term) systems have spiritual headmates. Please keep this in mind if you reblog.

TL;DR: If one alter says something, you cannot just pass it off as “their personal belief.” That’s a belief the system, as a whole, has, and it’s up to YOU to fix that belief if it’s harmful.

I’ve seen more and more frequently lately folks posting about their alter doing XYZ horrible thing, and immediately saying how they disagree with those things. “I’m sorry for what Someone said, it was homophobic and wrong.” “I’m an anti-endo alter, but that alter is pro-endo, I apologize for what they said.” “This alter sent harassment to people, we’re deeply sorry for the pain they caused.”

It’s been very lovely seeing the culture on tumblr shift to have more system accountability - the recognition that someone in your system did something wrong, and YOU (as a collective) need to apologize.

However.

These things are almost always followed by bullshit. “Because of their actions, they’ve been put into forced dormancy.” What? “X isn’t allowed to front anymore.” You’re kidding me.

Remarkably, shoving the homophobe into a corner does not, in fact, make a homophobe no longer homophobic. And shoving your problematic alter in “system jail” for a bit is not going to get to the root of the issue, and is ignoring a much bigger problem.

Alters are all parts of one whole; they are fragments of one personality. This means, if one alter is homophobic? Congrats. You’re homophobic.

“But Circ! This is erasing the individual beliefs of a system!” Nope! If one alter is homophobic, and another alter is not, then congrats - you’re all homophobic sometimes. Just like a singlet, your beliefs and what you stand for changes sometimes.

It’s an uncomfortable truth, one that a lot of systems don’t want to acknowledge. “That alter is bad though!” Yes. And whose problem is that? Yours! I’m so glad you’ve come to recognize that there is part of you that you dislike. It’s common for people to realize they have an aspect of themself that might be problematic or “not good.” What are you going to do to change that part of yourself for the better? “Oh, don’t worry, I’m just going to lock that sort of myself away forever and ever.”

🤦‍♂️

When you’re a system, you need to work through your shit. If you have an alter that is homophobic, then you need to look at it less like “wow that alter is an asshole” and more like “yikes. That alter is part of me: why are they this way?”

Yes, maybe pulling this alter from the front is a temporary fix. But that cannot be the end of the story! You need to then analyze why you have this alter, why they are this way, and how you can help them grow.

“My alter said something homophobic and is a horrible person when fronting. We have stopped them from fronting for awhile.” Awesome! What will you do next?

❌ I will never let them front again and will condone their actions. They will continue to be homophobic, but now it won’t bother anyone.

✅ I will work through some of my internalized homophobia with them and help them feel safe enough to open up about it. They can change for the better, and while I acknowledge that they won’t change immediately, I can do my best to try.

I have seen more and more systems lately treat forced dormancy or stopping “bad alters” from fronting as the end of the story. That simply is not the case. It is up to each individual system to help process their trauma and help those alters grow - that’s the only path to recovery. And never forget: they are part of you. You are locking a part of yourself away. That would not be healthy for a singlet, so why on earth would it be healthy for you?

#syscourse #did #other specified dissociative disorder #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #plural #system accountability #recovery

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citricsystem-moved · 2 years

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I see the importance of system accountability talked about a lot, which is fantastic and necessary.

But in case you’re confused, here are some ideas of things you can do to take accountability for your system;

delete your social media

change your password & always log out

block people so alters/parts can’t interact with them and vice versa

keep a first aid kit/bag in your car (house too)

accordion folders are good for paperwork, documents, etc.

small safes to store things (give a friend the code too :P)

put child blocks on phones or PCs

change certain notifications to “persistent”

Formal apologies are nice and sometimes all that’s necessary, but an apology means nothing if the behavior continues and never changes.

System accountability also doesn’t just cover violence or harassment, it can be loosing things, self harm, neglect, etc. Regardless, your whole system has to deal with the consequences of their actions, wether intentional or not. Sometimes it’s best to remove everybody from the situation, other times it’s just damage control, but all in all you can’t just sweep things by because “it wasn’t me.”

#//#/info #system accountability #did system #osdd system #endos may interact for educational reasons #did osdd #did community #osdd community

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memoriesofthecircularroom · 2 years

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i still cant wrap my head around people not taking system accountability.

(murder/death tw)

imagine like. a persecutor in a system killing someone and then the host just being like "we cant take responsibility for their actions. its against our system rules." like that makes absolutely no sense your body is still the one that did the crime. youll be able to stop taking accountabilty for your headmates' actions once you stop driving the same body and being of the same brain. literally someone with DID got sent to jail for murder after one of his alters did the murdering. its common sense.

Agreed with the above, and-

It’s not like we’re saying that harassing people is like murdering someone. Sending mean anonymous messages =/= literally killing someone. But it IS an asshole move, and I think people have the right to call people assholes when they’re being assholes. You can’t be a whiny baby when you do asshole things and then people turn around and call you a fucking asshole. You can’t do harmful things without people turning around and calling you harmful. Like. That’s life.

#Goes for me too #Like #I've been an asshole in the past #I will take that criticism easy #Mod Curtis #asks #anonymous #system accountability #syscourse #tw death #tw murder

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agirldying · 2 years

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story time. I might’ve been assaulted?

I’ve told this story a few times b4 but. here’s the full run down- I agreed to hook up with a girl, we’d discuss specifics when we got there, all that

i got there n we fumbled into some attempt at intimacy and it just didn’t work. it didn’t feel right when she kissed me and I felt kinda gross? like her touching me was distant and I didn’t touch her back much

and then at some point she pulled me in again n kissed me and went in with tongue, I didn’t like it- but the thing that confuses me is that I kept asking her if her mouth was open and she didn’t respond

later on, another member of their system came to talk to me— she told me that she knew what was going on was wrong for both of us but that she didn’t stop it bc she knew the girl would enjoy it, even though I was visibly harrowed :/ like yikes man

I’m still so angry but I don’t know if this actually counts as any sort of assault bc of how blurred the lines are- I don’t actually know WHO I kissed, I just know I said no and washed my mouth out and walked away as soon as I could

Hi anon,

I'd like to share with you this blog article about the different kinds of consent. This is how it describes the continuum of consent:

Enthusiastic consent:

I want you

I don't fear the consequences of saying yes or no

Saying no would mean missing out on something I want

Willing consent:

I care about you but don't currently desire you

I fear the consequences of saying no but don't fear yes (if I say no I hurt their feelings, if I say yes everything will be fine)

My desire begins after yes

Unwilling consent (where I think this situation fits):

I fear the consequences of saying no more than yes (sex would not be enjoyable for me and it's more about their convenience)

I not only lack desire but I lack desire to feel desire

I hope that saying yes will get them to leave me alone, they will stop pestering me about it

Coerced consent:

I am outright threatened out of saying no

I will be hurt either way but hurt more for saying no

If I say yes I will do things I dread

I think unwilling consent describes your experience best because it doesn't sound like this person outright threatened you but still made you feel pressured and uncomfortable, which indicates that your consent was unwillingly provided. Of course that is just my perspective though, and because it is your experience it is ultimately up to you to define it however you feel is best.

I was also abused by someone who claimed to be a system, and used their alters to deflect the blame of what they did to me, so system accountability is very personally important to me. Assuming you aren't familiar with the term, it basically means that systems are collectively responsible for anything an alter does in meatspace (the physical world, as opposed to headspace, the mind). So the alter that said they were aware of what was happening but didn't stop it, they are responsible for enabling the alter that assaulted you and neglecting their duty of care. Regardless, I believe that person's entire system is responsible for enabling that kind of behavior.

I hope I could help make sense of your experience a little bit. I'm here if you want to comment on any of this or if you ever need anything else. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

#text #tw #asks #ptsd #cptsd #system accountability #osdd #did #trauma #vent #consent

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coochiequeens · 3 months

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Thousands protest against increasing violence against women in Kenya as they march to the parliamentary building and supreme court in the capital Nairobi [Gerald Anderson/Anadolu Agency]

Published On 27 Jan 202427 Jan 2024

Thousands of people have gathered to protest in cities and towns in Kenya against the recent slayings of more than a dozen women.

The anti-femicide demonstration on Saturday was the largest event ever held in the country against sexual and gender-based violence.

In the capital, Nairobi, protesters wore T-shirts printed with the names of women who became homicide victims this month. The crowd, composed mostly of women, brought traffic to a standstill.

“Stop killing us!” the demonstrators shouted as they waved signs with messages such as “There is no justification to kill women.”

The crowd in Nairobi was hostile to attempts by the parliamentary representative for women, Esther Passaris, to address them. Accusing Passaris of remaining silent during the latest wave of killings, protesters shouted her down with chants of “Where were you?” and “Go home!”

“A country is judged by not how well it treats its rich people, but how well it takes care of the weak and vulnerable,” said Law Society of Kenya President Eric Theuri, who was among the demonstrators.

Kenyan media outlets have reported the slayings of at least 14 women since the start of the year, according to Patricia Andago, a data journalist at media and research firm Odipo Dev who also took part in the march.

Odipo Dev reported this week that news accounts showed at least 500 women were killed in acts of femicide from January 2016 to December 2023. Many more cases go unreported, Andago said.

Two cases that gripped Kenya this month involved two women who were killed at Airbnb accommodations. The second victim was a university student who was dismembered and decapitated after she reportedly was kidnapped for ransom.

Theuri said cases of gender-based violence take too long to be heard in Kenyan court, which he thinks emboldens perpetrators to commit crimes against women.

“As we speak right now, we have a shortage of about 100 judges. We have a shortage of 200 magistrates and adjudicators, and so that means that the wheel of justice grinds slowly as a result of inadequate provisions of resources,” he said.

People gather to protest in an anti-femicide demonstration, the largest event of its kind ever held in Kenya. [Gerald Anderson/Anadolu Agency]

Kenyan media outlets have reported the slayings of at least 14 women since the start of the year. [Gerald Anderson/Anadolu Agency]

A protester holds a Palestinian flag during a march to protest against the rising cases of femicide, in downtown Nairobi. [Brian Inganga/AP Photo]

Women and feminists in Kenya took to the streets to march against the rising cases of femicide. [Brian Inganga/AP Photo]

In Nairobi, protesters wore T-shirts printed with the names of women who became homicide victims this month. [Gerald Anderson/Anadolu Agency]

Protesters react against the rising cases of femicide. [Brian Inganga/AP Photo]

A human rights activist reacts as she attends a protest demanding an end to femicide in the country. [Monicah Mwangi/Reuters]

Protesters gather during the anti-femicide demonstration. [Gerald Anderson/Anadolu Agency]

The crowd, composed mostly of women, brought traffic to a standstill. [Gerald Anderson/Anadolu Agency]

#Kenya #Femicide #Nairobi #There is no justification to kill women #The court systems taking too long to hold perpetrators accountable #The power of women standing together #Please reblog #Western media isn't going to give this the coverage this deserves

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circular-bircular · 3 months

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On the note of system accountability and such, one other thing I wanted to mention is: learning to be responsible for your system actually helps a lot with the whole "we hate each other and they keep doing bad things" part of being a system.

When we started holding ourselves accountable for what another part did, instead of just passing it off as Their Problem, we... actually started helping each other through the problems. Remarkably, when a part is lashing out, it's likely that they need help just like any other fucking person would?

Incredible, I know, but just displaying the ability to say, "It wasn't my fault, it was theirs, but I forgive them enough to help them through this" does wonders for your relationship with your parts.

#syscourse #system accountability #system responsibility

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system-hottakes · 2 months

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Most systems that project how system accountability is wrong tend to be the ones who got overall banned because one of them completely broke rules of a place and think it's outrageous

yup. It's so rampant in pro-endo spaces too (no surprises there). But like, if an alter in your system hurt someone or broke a rule, then that's your systems responsibility. You should take accountability for it. It's your account. Your body. You share it and you're responsible for what happens on it. So you should take accountability even if it wasn't necessarily you who did the bad thing.

#anti endo #actually did #did system #system #alters #did #endos dni #hot takes #hot take #System accountability

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archdruid-halsin · 2 months

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Disappointed in the developments regarding Wyll in this recent patch. He deserves just as much love as the rest of the companions, and his story deserves to be told. For those who are stuck in situations because it was their only choice for survival, for those who try desperately to do the right thing even if it’s detrimental to themself purely because it’s the right thing to do. For those who want that storybook romance, that slow burn love, for those on the asexual spectrum or the aromantic spectrum or even those who don’t want something as sexual as what you get with the other companions. Just because he is not as “popular” or didn’t have as explosive a fan base as companions like Astarion does not mean he doesn’t deserve the same work put into him and his story.

We know why he actually isn’t getting the same treatment. Do better Larian.

#archdruid posting #fictive account #fictive #sysblr #did system #bg3 halsin #bg3 #halsin #wyll ravengard #bg3 wyll #baldur's gate 3 #justice for Wyll #larian critical #bg3 patch 6

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butchmartyr · 5 months

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dude twitter is dire as fuck with the way half the response to this is bizarre transmasc rage. like a trans woman will say "cisnormativity says you have to stay as you are and tries so hard to ingrain this in all of us through gender, but our existence spits in this assumption; the brainwashing doesnt work and you prove it since you're not a woman as they want, if at all! there is no absolute authority in gendered socialization!"

and trans men and mascs who will never work on their misogyny crawl out of the woodwork to desperately try and misinterpret this in any possible way so they can feel insulted. why the fuck do so many people cling to this idea that they're indistinguishable from cis women?? why do you WANT to act like theres some inescapably female core of yourself when youre nb or whatever else? what the fuck, man?

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ennieasys · 8 days

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im doing the notes thing

I doubt it'll work but I have also witnessed the power of Tumblr so...

100 notes: I'll paint my nails the trans flag colors

200: I'll buy a nonbinary pride moth bracelet (skyebluez.com)

250: I'll also buy a classic pride bracelet (I know it's not a lot but it's kinda all I can afford)

500: I'll find a way to go out in public wearing all three

900: I'll talk to a friend that I suspect is a system about our DID

1000: I've been wanting to stream on twitch but am insanely anxious about it so if we hit this I'll do it at least once

1500: I'll have y'all recommend stuff and I'll make a poll

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charlesoberonn · 5 months

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Tags by @swarm-of-bees-in-a-trench-coat

#I mean technically if you take into account the movement of the solar system around the center of the galaxy #then she physically was closer to the first McDonald's as well

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