#suicide squad layouts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chriscdcase95 · 1 year

Text

My Marvel/DC crossover AU No One Asked for

Read the title. Here’s the layout.

This is an AU I’ve been sitting on for about two or three years now, and often revisit to make some changes. While this isn’t something I really shelved, I am unlikely to write any of the stories down.

I still keep a lot of what I did write in my notes. From this AU I wrote down several prompts, some of which I already shared in other posts.

----

1. You'd think combining the Arrowverse and DCEU alone is gonna be a hassle, but when I wrote things down, the actual changes are pretty small.

The main events of the Arrowverse, DCEU, and MCU remain otherwise the same, there are a few small adjustments made here and there. Some suspension of disbelief is required. Birds of Prey was the hardest one to adapt.

Most changes are “Who plays what character ?”

Of course, because this is a fanfic AU, we can just say "The Other Darin" trope is at play. Henry Cavill’s Superman ? Tyler Hoechlin’s Superman ? Same deal as Eric Norton/Mark Ruffalo’s Banner, or Terrence Howard/Don Cheadle’s Rhodes.

With that all said, this AU treats Grant Gustin's Barry Allen is treated as the “canon”. The indefinitely postponed upcoming Flash movie is disregarded entirely. We all know why.

Jon Cryer's Lex Luthor is also treated as his "canon" character, but he initially had the same traits and role as Eisenberg’s Luthor. I like to think Eisenberg!Luthor was fronting as “the eccentric young mogul” while Cryer’s represents Luthor going masks off.

Some fan casting is bigger issues. Mostly "casting" Diana Laurel Lance, between Katie Cassidy or Jurnee Smollett, for far reasons too complicated to discuss here.

And finally, Zack Snyder’s Justice League is treated as canon.

2. “But where was X superhero during Y's events ?”

A lot of these events would have coincided with each other.

In this AU, Iron Man/2, The Incredible Hulk and Thor would have taken place between/around the first two seasons of Arrow. The present day events of Man of Steel would have coincided with The Avengers. Batman V. Superman and Suicide Squad would take place around the time of The Dark World and The Winter Soldier.

Age of Ultron would coincide with Zack Snyder's Justice League - also taking place between seasons one and two of The Flash, and before Supergirl's first season.

Up to speed, Barry ?

So, here’s some of the prompts I came up with for the AU.

1. Unlike Supergirl, Superman wasn't an active superhero when Kara came to Earth, but it was around the time Clark was wandering the world. During this time, Clark reached out to the Danvers family to help him understand his powers, much like the Arrowverse.

As it so happens, Carol Danvers turns out to be Jeremiah's sister, which is how they help Clark understand his powers. Clark would build a bridge of trust with the Danvers' and brought Kara to them, as he wasn't in the right headspace to look after a child. As a result ? Kara grew up with Carol Danvers as an “Awesome Aunt”.

We’d also have a Superman prequel, also serving as a Captain Marvel crossover. For such as a story, I’d picture Ronan as the de-facto Big Bad, showing him falling out of favor with the Kree, before joining Thanos.

2. I wrote a post based on this AU, but I had this one idea of various WLW prompts for Diana/Wonder Woman. You can read the long version here.

It focused on what Wonder Woman was up to over the decades, especially those she romanced. The most prominent being Wondercarter, Wonderwidow and Superwondercorp.

In this version of Captain America: The First Avenger ? Wonder Woman was considered a battlefield urban legend, and a partial inspiration for the super soldier project. After the events of Agent Carter, Diana would become acquainted with Howard and Maria Stark, and ends up staying with Peggy and Angie as a temporary house guest on the Stark Estates.

How long Diana was involved with them isn't elaborated, but I see Tony having memories of an “Aunt Diana” babying him from when he was a little kid. Cuz we all know she would.

I don't see Tony reuniting Diana until well after he becomes Iron Man. Probably after Civil War or Infinity War. At the very least, Diana ends up another one of Morgan Stark's honorary aunts. Diana would totally be one of those aunts who’d tell Tony’s people embarrassing stories of him from when he was tot.

Another idea I had involved Sarah Rogers being Steve Trevor's sister, and her naming her son after her late brother. But I was pretty iffy about that. It came off as too nepotistic, and I felt Diana should have minimal, if any ties to Steve Rogers. Wonder Woman being the inspiration for the super soldier project should be enough, right ?

3. This one's gonna get me fucking lynched...

So, it's come to my attention that The Batman 2022 was considered as a DCEU prequel early in development. At the risk of being mauled by both Battinson and Batfleck stans, I'm applying that here.

In this AU, an altered version of The Batman occurred, the main difference being it was set in the late 90′s to early 2000′s. Technology adjusted accordingly, and the Riddler’s platform is old web forums, such as IRC chat (or if set around 2003, MySpace).

Anyways, Battison would have represented Bruce Wayne in his early career as Batman when he first became a symbol of hope, while Batfleck represents his “Broken/Fallen Hero” stage. After all, you can't have a “Fall From Grace” period if you never had anything to fall from...

*prepares myself for the pitches and torchforks*

4. As I said above, the “present day” events of Man of Steel would have taken place alongside The Avengers.

Zod's attack on Metropolis occurs at the same time as the Battle in New York. Neither Zod, nor Thanos and Loki were aware of each other beforehand; it was just dumb luck their invasions occurred at the same time! Still, people initially thought Zod, Loki and the Chitauri represented the same threat.

Any attempts by S.H.I.E.L.D or the Avengers to look into Superman yields the same results as this scene.

youtube

As with the DCEU, Superman was a controversial figure at first, with the Avengers having mixed thoughts about him. Unlike Batman, they didn't act on their suspicions, beyond a few cautious encounters.

Iron Man 3 would have taken place between Man of Steel and Batman V Superman. Superman tried to to look into “The Mandarin”, and teamed up with Steve and S.H.I.E.L.D to do so, but they kept running into dead ends. They were unaware of Aldrich Killian’s conspiracy until after the fact.

5. This is also something I covered in my Wonder Woman WLW prompts.

This AU's Infinity War takes place alongside Arrowverse's Crisis on Infinite Earths. It's retroactively implied that recreating the universe is what led to this world merger.

Certain members of the Justice League - Wonder Woman, Batman, Aquaman, and Cyborg - anyone not with the Paragons, join the fight against Thanos, though don't do enough to affect the outcome.

Out of them, Wonder Woman is the only survivor of The Snap and she helps the surviving Avengers - especially Natasha - and what's left of S.H.I.E.L.D hold down the fort for five years.

WonderWidow ensues.

The Paragons survive the Snap because of their multiversal adventure; when they return to the recreated Earth, five years have passed. Agents of Shield is also canon to this AU, and its characters survive the Snap due to the time travel in season seven, returning to a Post-Blip world.

The final fight with the Anti Monitor would have occurred at the same time as the one with Thanos. As with Infinity War, any members of the Justice League not fighting the Anti Monitor, join the fight against Thanos, albeit not affecting things in a significant way. The events of a Post Endgame/Crisis world remain unchanged, with minor exceptions.

But also Supercorp is canon here because I said so.

While I’m at it, let’s talk the Superwondercorp arc I wrote.

Diana settles in Star City for a short “vacation” after keeping the world together for five years. There, Diana starts a love affair with Kara and Lena. Diana has an arc about opening her heart again, so soon after losing Natasha; whenever she loses a lover, it usually takes years or decades for her to open up again. When she develops feelings for Kara and Lena so quickly, she feels like she’s “betraying” Natasha.

Diana would later get involved when Gorr the God Butcher steps into the picture, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

6. Birds of Prey was the hardest to include in this AU due to how radical difference between takes on the characters in the DCEU and Arrowverse.

Here's what I'm working with.

With Helena Bertenili, I lean to her DCEU counterpart as being her “canon” character. Since I place Birds of Prey in a Post-Crisis/Endgame era, we could handwave it as being her history changing when the world's restored.

With the Black Mask, I had an (admittedly contrived) solution. This AU would have two Roman Sionis' - Sr. (Peter Outerbridge) and Jr. (Ewan McGregor).

McGregor's Sionis is written to be a decade or so younger than he is in Birds of Prey. Junior was far from Roman Sr's favorite child, alluding to his daddy issues Harley mentions. Following Roman Senior's downfall, Junior becomes obsessed with upstaging his father as the Black Mask, leading him to be the monstrous crime boss he was in Birds of Prey.

Then you got Dinah Laurel Lance, and her fan casting. I'm still flip flopping between Katie Cassidy and Jurnee Smollett, for reasons too complicated and distracting to go over here.

The solution I'm leaning to is having Smollett's Dinah being a multiverse displaced individual, and she's adjusting to this new world when her Earth was destroyed by the Anti Monitor.

7. Stark Industries and Wayne Enterprises had history. Stark Industries bought stakes in Wayne in the late 90's and early 2000's, when Bruce wasn't as active with the company, but that partnership slowly dissolved when Obediah Stane was in the picture.

When Tony went public as Iron Man, along Stane’s crimes being exposed, Bruce Wayne cut further ties with Stark. Such a relationship would bring unwanted attention to the technology Wayne Tech is developing, putting too many identities at risk. Afterwards the only ties they had was that many Wayne employees were former Stark employees.

This becomes a problem when Quinten Beck enters the picture.

Beck reaches out to a few disgruntled ex-Stark employees, many of which are working for Wayne. As part of the Mysterio conspiracy, they embezzle a billions from Wayne Industries, and steal its technology. As a distraction, they stage a heist on Wayne Tech, and frame the Joker for the deed.

Bruce isn't made aware of this until Mysterio goes public, quickly recognizing Beck as an former Stark employee he turned away due to him being a “flight risk”.

Come Far From Home/No Way Home, Batman is going into detective mode uncovering and dismantling the Mysterio conspiracy. This is part of what exonerates Peter, along with Matt Murdock’s own “investigations”.

During Peter’s case, Batman tries to reach out to him; but Peter knew Batman's reputation (which has become more sketchy following BVS), and became very defensive in their encounter, despite Batman avoiding his past mistakes.

Even so, Bruce had to attend a number of legal proceedings, regarding the Wayne employees, and he'd have to go underground as the investigation got too close to exposing the identities of his associates.

As a joke, we'd have a scene where Bruce (Affleck) and Happy (Favreau) are both at a meeting with Matt (Cox) and Foggy (Henson). It really doesn't amount to anything but a throwback to 2003's Daredevil; “Hey, look! It's the old Matt and Foggy interacting with the new ones! Ain't that a hoot ?!”

While much of the Mysterio conspiracy was exposed by the trial and investigations, the only member to escape was William Ginter Riva. The last we see Riva, he's bound, gagged and being dragged through a warehouse by a couple of thugs towards the Joker, whose not amuse that Batsy hospitalized over something he didn’t do.

The Joker then pulls out a crowbar and prepares to show Riva how he previously Batman off the deep end...

8. As for this AU’s No Way Home. This one was a lot of fun.

Peter has a little more public support here than he did in NWH, with several members of The Avengers and Justice League publicly vouching for him. Especially after Murdock and Wayne’s investigations.

Coincidentally, Peter's identity is doxxed the day after Kara Danvers revealed her own identity to the public. When Peter is exonerated, Kara and Catco become Peter's most vocal supporters, countering Daily Bugle. Kara - as Supergirl - even interviews Peter and those close to him after his trial as a show of solidarity.

Jameson tries to interview the elderly Steve Rogers, hoping that an “old and wizened soldier” (who previously fought against Spider-Man) would appeal to his audience...only to hastily cut the interview short when Steve ultimately speaks in Peter's favor.

When Hardy’s Eddie and Venom are pulled into this world, they end up settling into Star City, working for Catco as a reporter. Mainly because, I just wanna see the dynamic Eddie and Venom would have working for and/or with Kara. Especially in a world where not only aliens are public knowledge, but are active members of society.

I wrote another post - “What if No Way Home Had More Visitors ?” - and while this AU had nothing to do with that prompt, I’d probably carry some ideas here; such as Topher Grace's Eddie/Venom being pulled into the MCU, as is Dane DeHaan's Harry Osborn, and possibly TASM's Gwen and George Stacey. Another thing changed is the villains (and Toby and Andrew's Peter) were trapped in the MCU longer than a few days. Let's say a month. Long enough for the Green Goblin to become a bigger menace than he already is. Throughout, I see the Goblin going about facing Sam, Bucky, The Defenders, what's left of Team Arrow, the Bat Family. He’s even prepping his weapons with kryptonite incase Kara or the Kents wanna throw hands.

Peter trying to cure and fix the villains also takes place over a longer period. If L-Corp had a branch on the East Coast, I can see Lena starting a partnership with Stark Industries following Tony's death.

When word reaches Kara (one of Peter's most vocal public supporters) and Lena, they let Peter set up shop in their labs. Eddie and Venom would actually be part of the story, working for/with Kara. The fact that Lena is a practicing witch could be used to play her up against Steven.

I don't see the Avengers or Justice League helping with the Statue of Liberty fight, if only because (much like Peacemaker) by the time they arrive, Peter’s already beating down the Goblin. Hardy's Eddie/Venom, may have helped...preferably if Grace's Eddie/Venom was part of the Goblin’s squad.

9. Now you may be wondering how this AU affect the multiverse ? I had a few ideas.

I had this one joke in mind were Toby and Andrew's Peter(s) remark Batman and Superman existing in their worlds too; it being implied that either Burton's Batman would be in the Raimiverse, or The Dark Knight Trilogy being in the Webbverse, etc.

Part of this joke is Toby's Peter doing some investigating in the MCU, and comes across Nelson and Murdock Law Office. It'd be implied that Daredevil 2003 is part of the Raimiverse. Seeing them at their offices, he briefly mistakes Happy (Favreau) and Bruce Wayne (Affleck) for Foggy and Matt, before being corrected. In another joke, Toby’s Peter would see a mugshot of Adrian Toomes, once momentarily mistaking it for his worlds Bruce Wayne before correcting himself.

10. My latest prompt for this AU involves Wonder Woman in Thor: Love and Thunder. And before you ask, I wouldn’t Diana and Thor aren’t rebounding off eachother here. Any relationship they’d have wouldn’t go past platonic.

Considered Diana having some involvement with The Eternals, but I couldn’t think of a way to write her in. With Love And Thunder at least, Diana has something to do, even if she doesn’t drastically change the story.

After spending some time in Star City, Diana goes on tourist travels, paying New Asgard a visit. It just so happens to be when Gorr abducts the Asgardian children. As Wonder Woman, she joins the fight with the Shadow Demons, before joining Valkyrie, Thor, Jane and Korg on the rescue mission.

Besides rescuing the children, two things catch Diana’s attention. 1. The existence of the Necrosword, especially since as far as she knew, she was the “God-Killing Weapon”. And 2. The fact that Omnipotence City exists and her father, Zeus, is alive.

Zeus has a slightly bigger purpose, and the “don’t meet your hero” thing strikes harder for Diana. It goes without saying that the heroic stories of Zeus that Diana (and Thor) grew up had a few embellishments. But this Zeus is a little more nuanced than being a “Fake Ultimate Hero”.

The heroic Zeus stories were broadly true, it’s just this Zeus is a foil to Thor and his arc. Zeus is what Thor could have become if he didn’t humble himself. And after driving off Darkseid, as well as Ares' fall from grace, Zeus is also what Thor would have become if he kept up his maladaptive coping habits post Infinity War.

Another change is that Thor and co wouldn’t leave thinking Zeus was dead; before they escape, Diana tells an injured Zeus off. Zeus tries to appeal to Diana as her father (and offers her her picks of men and women in the gods orgy). Diana rebuffs Zeus, declaring “I am going with them. I am gonna be what the Amazons were made to be. What you made me to be.”

Diana leaves Zeus in his humiliation....only to become another target of his revenge.

Beyond that, I see Diana being “heart” of the team. With her history of love and loss, she would understand what Thor, Jane, Valkyrie are going through and have gone through. She even tries to appeal to Gorr when she learns how his god failed him. Even so, I don’t think it would affect the outcome that much.

Beyond the Zeus plot, Diana would ultimately be another voice to say what they need to hear, and the ear to listen to their problems. I did consider a Diana x Valkyrie subplot, but even that doesn’t drastically affect anything.

----

As of this post, the AU is currently on hold.

I’m still mulling over new ideas, but besides Black Adam I have nothing new from DC to work with, or to include in Wakanda Forever. Especially between seasons of The Flash and Superman & Lois. And especially with James Gunn apparently rebooting the DCEU.

So pending new releases, that’s all for now.

26 notes · View notes

destimnesia · 2 years

Photo

⠁ ⠀GOOGLE DOC LAYOUT ⠀———⠀ CRIME RECORD

CRIME RECORD is a paid google google doc layout that contains one page only, a basic character analysis one. very dynamic, its name brings its exact theme: a crime record. it’s really simple to edit, comes with a few decorative images (the fingerprints) that don’t need to be replaced at all. our model is a halftone edit of blackpink lisa. yes, the layout is based in a suicide squad poster.

⠀⠀߸ ⠀⠀⠀⠀߸ ⠀⠀⠀⠀߸

𝟎𝟏⠁ ⠀ENGLISH ⠀———⠀IMPORTANT

1. don’t repost / reupload 2. don't reuse my layers 3. don't claim it as yours 4. personal use only 5. credits are MANDATORY

𝟎𝟐⠁ ⠀ PORTUGUÊS ⠀———⠀ IMPORTANTE

1. não reposte/repasse 2. não reuse meus recursos 3. não reivindique como seu 4. apenas para uso pessoal 5. créditos são OBRIGATÓRIOS 6. 𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗨𝗜𝗧𝗢 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗔 𝗕𝗥𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗟𝗘𝗜𝗥𝗢𝗦 me mande uma dm no twitter

119REMIZ on twitter DESTIMNESIA on deviantart

61 notes · View notes

death-stranded · 1 year

Text

Almost finished Mass Effect 3…

I’m playing the Citadel DLC for the first time and I’m fucking hating the opening section 🤣 It’s like a checklist of terrible gaming mechanics all stacked together…

Obligatory stealth sequences in a non-stealth game (while the overwhelming hordes of enemies and level layout are still designed for the typical siege-style firefights.) No squad mates. No medi kits and your health is reduced to one bar at the beginning, arming you with a single pistol with very limited ammo, multiple enemies staying at such a range with fully automatic weapons that you need to be a fucking sniper with said pistol. Enemies spawning multiple droids at once which track you behind cover and destroy your shields in an endless barrage of kamikaze rushes, enemies throwing literal fistfuls of grenades at you behind cover when you’ve just lost your shields to the fifth suicide-drone in 30 seconds. Snipers who can one-shot you while all of this bullshit is going down 😩

I mean I know I’m a playing on Insanity difficulty, but how about we just calm the fuck down for a moment? 🥴

#gaymer #give me back my sniper rifle and some backup from my hung top bf Kaidan and then we can talk #personal

4 notes · View notes

beowulf22121 · 2 years

Text

So I really want to check out other social media layouts.

I am a gremlin and am comfortable here. But you never know what's out there unless you venture out into the light to hiss at it.

So I made a reddit account.

First a Princess Bride reference to "call the brute squad" next time someone plays a serial killer prank got me banned from a sub. In the same thread people were saying the guy playing the joke should get his kneecaps hit with a bat, and he should be run over in the workplace parking lot.

Then, completely out of the blue I get an odd message. The only thing I think could prompt it was a comment about being told my blood type but needing the information so infrequently that I don't remember it. Apparently someone reported me for suicidal tendencies?

How does anyone function on reddit? At this rate I'll be banned from most pages and afraid to tell jokes on the ones that are left before my account is a year old.

4 notes · View notes

scrumpledorph-writes · 2 months

Text

Koben’s Day Off (Learning How To Be Normal)

It’s been a good few days, Jaxon took to the training as well as I could have expected for someone with no experience. One day to let his muscles heal and the concepts sink in, and he should be ready to take on more advanced training for the rest of the week. Not sure how I’ll spend the day, can’t work at a side contract while I’m on retainer. He seems to have no trouble passing his free time, maybe I’ll ask.

Getting familiar with this place. It’s a lot like an old Imperial base once the superficial appeal of the expense wears off. My boots clack on the stone just the same as they used to on steel, and all the closed doors give off the same air of foreboding. The only difference is somehow I feel less welcome here, the same curt professionalism from the guards as we were taught feels like it has an undercurrent of rejection. They must not be used to hosting guests.

‘Good morning Jaxon. Bodily recuperation is an important aspect of training, so today there won’t be any physical conditioning. Given that, I was also planning to abstain from teaching you any more technical skills, so that what I already have can sink in.’ ‘Good, every part of my body has been hurting since the day we started. So, are you just waking me up at a quarter after six wearing your armor because you felt like it, or what?’ I figured he’d have gotten used to it by now.

‘You shouldn’t let your sleep schedule deprecate, it will just make waking up on time tomorrow feel even worse. I’m wearing the armor because it’s comfortable.’ ‘Sure, I guess. Just don’t slave drive me through the morning like you have been, alright?’ ‘What do you mean? That’s how I always wake up.’ ‘You always count out your strokes when you’re brushing your teeth, that wasn’t just like a “getting me into the boot camp mindset” sorta deal? Damn.’ ‘Since I was fifteen. Once this training gets into you, it doesn’t come out. That’s the point. Discipline has saved me from more blasters than you’ve ever seen.’

Not just other people’s. When I felt like every day was pointless and I was going to be stuck at rock bottom for the rest of my life, I remembered my instructor telling me that suicide is the coward’s way out of a bad situation and got up anyway. I haven’t heard them in twenty years, but my range officer’s instructions still ring in my ears every time I pull out my blaster, I can still see the motions of the quarter master’s hands every time I service it. My drill instructor, my squad leader, even Tessa are all over my shoulder judging everything I do. I can’t bear the thought of dying a disgrace to the Empire, even now.

‘Well it’s not into me, so just give me a few minutes to wake up, alright? I’m not wearing much under these covers.’ Close the door, give him some privacy. He has an attached bathroom suite, so I can wait here for him. I hope he doesn’t think I’m being too pushy. I’m almost twice his age, is it acceptable for us to interact outside of work hours? We’ve certainly been growing more friendly with each other, but it’s a professional sort of friendliness. Everyone else around here is on the clock, and Huxley’s poetic waxing is difficult to stay awake through.

I wonder if all this has tarnished his image of me. Maybe he’ll leave that forum of his, or tell everyone what I’ve confided in him, ruin the mystery for the rest of his peers. Why do I suddenly care about that? It would be for the best. The fewer eyes on me the better, and I went five years of independent contract work without knowing about it. It’s not like they’re officers, or clients, so I hardly need to care about their opinion of me. But if I can’t even impress people like them, then what does that say about my skills? Skills don’t matter if you’re so thoroughly unappealing in every other aspect. I can earn credits, but never respect.

‘Alright, I’m up. You waiting for me?’ ‘Yes. I don’t know the layout of the mansion. Your father mentioned a variety of amenities, but I’ve spent so much of my time working with you that I haven’t had the chance to find them. I was hoping you could act as a guide.’ ‘Sure. After breakfast though. Real breakfast; if this is a day off I’m not choking down three “nutritionally complete” piles of unseasoned meat and vegetables.’ ‘They are nutritionally complete, there’s no need for sarcasm.’ ‘There’s more to food than nutrients! That’s the part I’m emphasizing!’ ‘Nothing I’m familiar with.’

It makes sense that this pantry would be decadently stocked, but I’ve never even heard of most of these seasonings, let alone the rest of the ingredients. ‘So, since you’re our guest, what are you in the mood for? Our chef used to work at one of the finest restaurants on Coruscant, until he called an Imperial officer an inbred degenerate for wanting his steak well done and had to flee to the outer rim, so he can whip up pretty much anything.’ He sounds like he’d get along well with Vranki’s doctor. ‘I don’t think I can appreciate the potential on offer. You pick something for me.’

‘Hey Glipnort, could you whip us up an omelette? She wants it “nutritionally complete”, and I want it to be the best thing she’s ever eaten. Make whatever you think will fit both of those bills, please.’ The outer rim really is full of surprising species’. Only a handful are considered civilized enough to be seen in any real density in the core. Three legs, and five arms evenly distributed around his torso, which is also where his face is. Not even going to try to fathom what his home planet is like.

‘So, what’d you have planned for after breakfast?’ ‘I don’t know enough about your mansion or this city to decide.’ ‘Yeah but like if you could just do whatever, what would it be?’ I’ve never been asked this before. Hobbies are a completely common social marker, even talking about your hobbies is something that comes naturally once you feel passionately enough about one. The officers and diplomats used to drone on about their obscure sports or having just bought an expensive portrait from some artist I’d never heard of. What do I like doing?

‘You alright Koben? You’re kinda zoning out on me, you have hobbies don’t you?’ ‘I don’t. I spend most of my time working to make enough money to be able to travel the outer rim as necessary, and the rest of the time outside of that maintaining my physique, equipment, and skills so that my work doesn’t kill me. I tried dating recently, but it didn’t go well.’ Silence, shock. Nothing else to fill the seconds with. ‘Wow. That’s ffffuckin’ depressing. You open to suggestions?’ ‘I am.’ ‘Great, I can think of a few things. After we’re done eating though, food’s here.’

This is the best meal I’ve ever eaten. Most military meal guides are simple, designed for modular substitution in case of shortages and providing enough nutrition to spend the next several hours marching. This is different. Minuscule traces of dozens of ingredients all working in perfect lock step towards reinforcing each other, covering for weaknesses and emphasizing strengths. If I could have a squad work together this well, the ten of us could take an entire planet. I almost feel wasteful just eating it, like the galaxy will never see its like again and it should be preserved as a symbol of aspiration.

‘So, what do you think – it’s good, right?’ ‘Yes. You eat meals like this every day?’ ‘Not every day, these ingredients are pretty expensive. Just the dash of spice in this probably cost a hundred credits. But like I said; you’re my guest, and I’m treating you to the special occasion food. The normal stuff is still pretty good though.’ ‘I’m going to eat this very slowly.’ ‘Sounds good. Meet me in my room when you’re done, got a game you might like.’

Not used to being able to leave my dishes for someone else to clean up. Can definitely see how this lifestyle has made Jaxon soft. Hopefully all the free time he has has left him with a good taste in games. ‘Oh hey, glad you took so long – I barely got the table set up. You ever played a war game?’ ‘We had war game exercises every week in the academy.’ ‘No, not that kind of war game dummy, the kind you play on a tabletop!’ ‘I’m not familiar.’ Do we need all of these little dolls to play?

‘Well, I figure given your history, you’ll like Thunder Soldiers: it’ll be nice and familiar.’ ‘Those are obviously Stormtroopers.’ ‘Well yeah, obviously, but they don’t have an agreement with the Empire to use the official names and likenesses – they’ve gotta be legally distinct.’ ‘Is there a game that does? I think I’d appreciate a more accurate representation.’ ‘There is, but it sucks. The guys who made this game used to play that game, but got fed up with it and made this one instead.’ Sounds like Imperial politics.

‘How do we play?’ ‘The basic premise is both sides have to make a ten man squad, then fight over an area. Here, you can thumb through the rule book.’ These rules are completely unrealistic. Weapon ranges are too short, obstructions don’t penalize accuracy enough, and the armor is rated far too highly.

‘This is a completely unrealistic simulation. The longest range weapons in this game barely function within the average skirmish distance of a real firefight, and the battlefield conditions they say make for a short skirmish would call for an hours long stalemate or the use of heavy ordnance to break enemy positions. On top of that, Stormtrooper armor just doesn’t work this way, it disseminates the penetrating force of a blaster bolt, yes – but it doesn’t neutralize it completely, only specialized troopers are afforded anything close to that, and the thermal properties of even the weakest blaster weapons make it so that completely mitigating a bolt is something that only vehicle grade plating is capable of. It’s just meant to downgrade a lethal shot to a concussion so you can be resuscitated after the battle.’

‘Wow, you sure you haven’t played this before? You sound just like the critics. They made those changes on purpose, because tournaments of the official game do simulate all that accurately, and every match turns into an hour of rolling misses. Trust me, even if it’s not realistic, it’s fun. Now pick your squad leader, I’ve got plenty.’

This game really seems not to understand the role a squad leader plays. Most of them have special weaponry, which is the exact opposite of what they’re meant to carry. That makes them priority targets, especially with some of these being dangerously reactive if hit. I guess if they don’t have rules for keeping these sorts of things in sealed boxes that’s the best compromise they can do, but it’s still – hang on, is that me?

‘Oh, that one! Yeah, uhh, I kind of forgot that one was in there. That’s a custom leader I made when I was first getting into the game a couple years ago. It’s, uhh, well I put you in the game. It’s not really balanced at all, I used the rules to give the whole squad budget to one unit, but it turns out that kind of fucks the math completely. Nothing can hit you and you can fire like four blaster bolts with perfect accuracy per turn, it’s pretty dumb. Don’t use it.’

I have to use it. It’s been years since I had squad reinforcement, so I might as well start with something I’m familiar with. Plus I’ve never played this game before, so I should take all the advantages I can get.

That was completely unrealistic, but I can see what he meant about that making it more fun. No way I could take on a whole squad in one stand up gun fight in real life, I’d need to pick them off quietly either alone or in groups of two. ‘You’re right, that was a fun game. I’m not that good in real life though.’ ‘Okay, now that you’ve proven how bad of an idea that custom character was, do you want to try a real round?’ ‘Alright.’ The radio operator looks good, well timed orbital ordnance has won me plenty of ground campaigns.

I have to admit, even with the minutia being incorrect, in aggregate this is an acceptably realistic simulation. ‘Oh c’mon, you barely know the rules, how’d you win without even losing a guy?’ ‘There was a jungle planet I was fighting on where almost identical scenarios to this one happened every three weeks. I just applied the strategies we used against the real locals. Encircle a position, press the enemy inward, take them all out with one heavy ordnance strike. It works because they’re so afraid of individual losses that they gradually retreat from their positions, meter by meter.’ ‘Wow, guess that might have been a bit close to home then. Let’s do another round, different scenario, different squad leaders.’ I was getting reminded of my time in the Corps, not exactly what I’d choose for a game. I’ll use the engineer this time, I was pretty rarely on defence.

‘Alright, this is starting to feel like bullshit. I used those same tactics you used against me and got completely wiped out, so what the fuck?’ ‘Those tactics only work against an unfortified position, for a conventional siege you need to either starve the enemy out or breach a vulnerable part of their defences. You trickled men in at first, then rallied for a single charge with less than half of your forces. You might have won the day with heavy losses if you’d done that from the beginning, but it would have been by thin margins.’

‘Did you learn that one from a real campaign?’ ‘Yes. Larger scale warfare. Thousands of soldiers on either side – we had the city blockaded, but they had shield generators to prevent orbital bombardment. After enough attempts at probing for weak spots, the ground around the city was a featureless no man’s land for a kilometer out on all sides – scorched by repeated heavy blaster fire.’ ‘Damn...that sounds brutal. How’d you manage to win that?’

‘We held our positions, kept their forces from leaving the city. Other forces ravaged the rest of the planet while it was left relatively undefended, and eventually their leaders signed a surrender after we held all the refugees travelling towards the capital hostage.’ ‘Wow. You, uhh, you don’t sound very torn up about that.’ ‘It was a callous order, but it ended up saving more lives than it cost in the long run. I don’t know how every soldier treated them, but I was professional with the refugees I was tasked with managing. The week was rough, but I’d have made the same call.’ ‘Cool, cool. Hey, do you want to do something else maybe?’ I was having fun. I guess he’s a sore loser.

III

‘How about we listen to an album or something? I’m just gonna take a guess and say you don’t have too many opinions on music, do you?’ ‘Just nothing classical.’ It was all Tessa listened to. Lots of bad memories made to it. ‘No worries on that front, dad listens to a lot of it – I always thought it was pretty boring. Gonkrock sound good?’ I’ve never heard of that genre in my life. ‘Sure.’

This music is intense. It sounds like how blaster fire sailing over your head feels – overwhelming and smothering, but invigorating at the same time. Like if you don’t move you’ll die, so there’s nothing to do but throw caution to the wind and trust your life to a flurry of violence. I didn’t know music could make you feel this way.

Imperial anthems are austere and command respect, marching tunes have a rigid cadence that demands you fall in line, but this is raw. I can tell the band has no experience, and the singer will be mute if she keeps going like this, but they’re screaming their unfiltered passion for the whole galaxy to hear. It’s beautiful, it’s awful. I hate what it is musically, but I want to live what it is emotionally. ‘So, what’d you think of the first song?’

‘It sounded very bad, but in a way that I enjoyed. It made me feel the way I only do in combat, so I think we should stop listening to it to be safe.’ ‘Whoa. That’s a bit of an – intense reaction. I mean, most people think it sounds enjoyably shitty, but that last part I mean. Like what do you think’s gonna happen if we keep listening?’ ‘I don’t know. It fills my body with energy and adrenaline, which I’m only used to discharging through combat. I wouldn’t want to hurt you.’ He’s laughing. Surely he doesn’t think three days of training is enough to hold his own against me.

‘Well yeah, no shit, it’s mosh music – you just need to get up and flail around, let the energy out. That’s how you’re supposed to feel.’ ‘I’m not used to using my body like that. Could you demonstrate?’ ‘It’ll look a bit dumb without music, but sure. You just get up and you kinda go like this.’ He looks ridiculous. His movements have no rhyme or reason whatsoever, completely unstructured. But that’s how the music sounded, and I liked that.

‘Alright, I think I’m ready to try. Put the music on, but at a lower volume for a dry run. We can reevaluate after.’ I understand the logic behind this combination. The wild abandon of these movements compliment the passionate carelessness of the composition, augmenting the feelings while keeping them from reaching critical mass. ‘I understand the concept now. You can turn the music back up.’

These songs all blend together, make the minutes pass quickly. An obvious consequence is that the longer I spend flailing, the higher my core temperature rises. ‘Pause the music please.’ ‘Oh, what’s wrong, is it not working out for you any more?’ ‘No. My armor is skin tight, and I’m starting to sweat. Those are an unpleasant combination. My civilian clothes also accommodate sweat poorly. Would you be bothered if I continued in my underwear?’

Bothered isn’t the reaction I expect, but outright asking if it would arouse him would only deepen any awkward feelings. Barrack life desensitized me to the sexual appeal of underwear, but after seeing the uniform of Vranki’s girls it’s hard not to be reminded of how other people see them. This is entertaining though, and I’d like to keep going without needing to scrub out my body glove.

‘W-well, I mean, Koben – I know you don’t know this so I’m not, like, expecting anything; but generally stripping down to your underwear while raving is kind of a thing that happens right before boning down.’ I can infer what that term means. ‘I assumed there were connotations. Keep your clothes on in that case, you don’t seem to be bothered by the exertion.’ ‘I’m cold blooded, so I guess I can’t relate. Fine, uhh, I’ll do my best to not overreact, but, well, I mean – don’t say I didn’t warn you if I do anything weird.’

‘If you try anything inappropriate, I’m more than capable of stopping you.’ ‘Right, yeah, just imagine you snapping my wrist, that’ll put a damper on things. Alright, sure, go ahead. Ill be here when you get back.’ ‘I don’t need to walk back to my room just to take my armor off.’ ‘Hey that’s great, glad to hear it – I just realized I could do with a trip to the bathroom, maybe a glass of water. How long does it take to get out of that suit?’ ‘Under three minutes.’ ‘Cool, sounds good. You just go ahead and turn the music back on and keep dancing if you’re out of it when I get back. I’ve listened to this album like a hundred times, you can tell me about it when you’re done.’

Much better. The armor doesn’t hamper my range of movement by any meaningful amount, but the weight of it makes my movements a little more deliberate. That’s antithetical to what this music is about. It feels good. Symbolic. I’ve spent so long bound by rules and expectations that this is like a little act of rebellion, just for me. Not consequential enough to feel like I’m betraying the Empire, but personal enough to feel significant.

Why do I still care so much about the Empire? I’ve been a criminal for five years, and I killed my last connection to it when I left. Everything I’ve enjoyed since then has fallen afoul of it. Brayli’s beautiful curves are against bodily maintenance codes, this manor is built on crime, and I used to get called in to shut down concerts that sounded just like this.

I guess I still feel like I owe them for saving me from the mines, but I spent the next fifteen years working for them. I must have paid off my debt to them in that time. They even said I was one of the best soldiers they had. I hunted Jedi! Yeah, this shrieking woman has it right. “Fuck the Empire” indeed. The music stopped, the album must be over.

‘So how’d you like the album?’ ‘Jaxon, why were you just watching me from the doorway?’ ‘Well for one thing, you were flailing so hard you’d have probably knocked me out if I’d tried to join you.’ ‘I see. It wasn’t that my underwear was too revealing?’ ‘Nah. When you first mentioned it I thought you were wearing like a bra and panties or something – that’s basically just a summer outfit, it’s fine. Guess military underwear can’t be too revealing or else you’d have been too busy fuckin’ and suckin’ to get anything done.’ ‘If that happened the Empire would find a way to streamline the process so it didn’t impede our work.’ Good to be able to joke about the soldier life with somebody.

‘The other reason is you were smiling, and it looked really nice on you. I mean you look really nice all the time, but like this wasn’t in a sexy way. You just looked like you were having a fun time, and I didn’t want you to feel self conscious knowing I was there. Sorry if you do now though, I guess.’ ‘I don’t. I’m glad to hear it, in fact. Smiling isn’t something I do often, and it doesn’t feel uncomfortable to be complimented on it.’ ‘You feel uncomfortable getting compliments?’

Enough people have said I’m attractive at this point that I suppose the only logical way to continue is to start thinking it’s true. It took hours of back and forth with the bacta engineer to decide how to make my body look, and Tessa took a vested interest in giving me suggestions – but she told me that she was tailoring it to look good to her. ‘My old girlfriend told me that my body was a guilty pleasure she let herself indulge in, and that I should keep it hidden from other people so it doesn’t scare them. So when someone compliments it, I feel like there must be something wrong with them, and that I shouldn’t accept compliments from someone like that.’

He’s stunned. I’ve been starting to think that must not be the case lately, considering Brayli is so sweet, and Seline is such an expert, and they were both attracted to me. Jaxon is a teenage boy – they’re not exactly known for being very discerning about their taste in women, but the three of them together make a well rounded panel of judges.

‘Koben, I don’t even know what to say. I kind of want to ask my dad to put out a hit on your ex girlfriend right now.’ ‘She’s already dead.’ ‘Oh, good, glad to hear it. You’re – okay, I’ve been trying not to say it because you’re my teacher and all; but it sounds like you could do with having it spelled out for you – so do I have permission? I’m not gonna keep myself from getting, uhh, graphic about it.’ ‘Proceed.’ It sounds like I could use an outside perspective.

‘You’re really hot. Like, I mean, holy shit. I know we kind of already went through this a couple days ago, but clearly you don’t get it. Those muscles of yours? Hot as hell. Half the time when you threaten to put me in a headlock it turns me on. There’s a – I don’t really expect you to know anything about this, but there’s like an entire category of adult holovids dedicated to muscular women, and you’re even more built than most of them.’ ‘Do you browse this category often?’ ‘H-hey, c’mon, focus here!’ I suppose so, from that response. He has no reason to be lying, so I guess muscles on women are considered attractive.

‘Your ex-military look is also a huge turn on. The way you carry yourself, your resting expression, the scar: I mean you even said it yourself how hot you were for your old teacher, that’s how I feel about you! Or at least, how I felt – we’re friends so I don’t really see that any more when I look at you, I just see Koben, but before we really got to know each other I definitely could see you levying out “punishment”, if you get my meaning.’ ‘I do. This is a lot to take in, but keep going.’ Maybe I should have put that one together on my own. I guess I just thought most people grew out of liking being punished because they didn’t feel so guilty.

‘This is – well, fuck it I guess, I’m already oversharing. Sometimes when you’re not in your armor I can see just like a tiiiiny bit of bush poking out of your waistband and shirt, and that’s just really hot. Like, sometimes implication is a lot hotter than just flat out seeing it, and combined with how you’re not even trying to do it it just – I’m running out of ways to say it.’ Huh. I wanted to get rid of that hair because it gets caught in the body glove if I don’t shave it often enough, but Tessa insisted on keeping it.

‘It’s starting to sound like everything about me is attractive. But that makes no sense to me. I’m not trying to be attractive, so how could I be doing it?’ Nobody ever felt this way about the other soldiers.

‘Because you’re a woman! You’re a woman who’s being herself, and that’s one of the hottest things a woman can be! A lot of the prostitutes dad sometimes hires for guests aren’t half as sexy as you are because they’re obviously putting a ton of effort into it, and like; I appreciate that effort, don’t get me wrong, but it makes it feel fake. How obviously you’re not trying to be sexy is the sexiest thing about you!’ Oh. I guess I am a woman to people. Now it all makes sense. I’ve felt this way about women for a long time.

‘I see. I never really felt like a woman. No, that’s not true: I never felt like other people felt I was a woman. My ex always told me that it would be best for me to wear the armour around other people, because they could tell I used to be a man anyway. That she was the only one who could accept me for what I was.’ ‘Hey Koben, you gave me permission to say anything about you – could you extend that to your ex real quick?’ ‘Granted.’

‘Fuck her. She sounds like a cunt, and you must have had horrible taste in women to fall for her. I hope since then you’ve come to your senses on that at least, because she must’ve really done a number on you if it took me spelling out how hot you are for you to realize it.’ Maybe she did. ‘Thank you. I’ve had moments where I thought similar things about her, but I always figured she must have known better than me since she was my superior officer, and a real woman.’

‘Look I’m gonna be honest – at this point it sounds like everything she said about you must have been wrong. You’re hot, you’re a real woman, and if you really need more proof: let me go find you one of the dancer outfits, take a few pictures of you, put them up online, and check back tomorrow to see what people have to say.’ I trust him. He’s too awkward to lie anyway. I can see myself in his mirror right now. If I saw a woman who looked like this, I’d be pretty turned on too. He’s right. I am a real woman.

I really can’t thank him enough for saying all this. Hopefully being able to laugh about it will get the point across. ‘Nice try you little pervert, your father doesn’t have enough credits to put me in one of those outfits.’ ‘Ah well, I had to try. You ready for lunch?’

#my oc #oc #star wars #writing #koben tarani #transgender

0 notes

kideternity · 8 months

Note

ask meme 1 9 18 19 22!

1. the character everyone gets wrong

Like five billion different characters but the character that first came to mind was ERIC ANT MAN !!!!!! Literally the bullshit I’ve seen claimed about Eric makes me soooo mad. AND LIKE THERE IS REAL STUFF TO CRITICISE THE CHARACTER FOR TOO OR LIKE ABOUT HIS SOLO but omg it’s NEVER the actual problems but instead shit people literally made up or like if they thought 2 seconds deeper about it they'd realise they sound stupid and hypocritical. Sniff sniff banning all of you from talking about my friend Eric O’Grady

9. worst part of canon

HMmmmmmmMmMm…….. more meta textual but the like. Pitfalls of the collaborative nature of comics / the issues in the way characters usually are passed from one writer to another. This could be really cool and awesome, to see different artistic interpretations of a character or story, and Sometimes It Is Awesome! But a lot of the times you just end up with beloved characters getting character assassinated to the high heavens and then unceremoniously killed off for shock value.

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

FUTURE QUEST !!!!!! GO READ FUTURE QUEST NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW EVERYONE SHOULD READ FUTURE QUEST. ITS SO GOOD. If you want an entertaining well written story filled with endearing characters? FUTURE QUEST. if you want a universe that has a ton of super interesting lore implications and which can be expanded on / is rife for headcanon material? FUTURE QUEST. Do you want to see old cartoons you might remember from your childhood actually treated with love? FUTURE QUEST!!!!

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Suicide Squad (1987) : ( I will forever maintain my belief that absolutely no one should read this comic btw. Like it is a comic I do embarrassingly hold a lot of attachment for / has characters I adore to the fullest (Waller, Count Vertigo, Vixen, Bronze Tiger, Nightshade…) but the bad of it all FAR outweighs the good and its why tbh I don’t even like recommending it to people. World peace will be achieved btw if we stopped making suicide squad media/comics

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Again a little bit more meta textual but COMPOSITIONS AND LAYOUTS IN COMICS!! I fucking love panelling dude a GOOD panel layout will fucking stay with you. They’re SO so so important to the actual meat of the content and there are so many times a comic will completely flop for me because like, say, the artist has a “pretty” art style yes but the way they do panel layouts, or the actual action and motion in comics SUCKS ASS!!! I read ‘Marvel Knights: Spider-man (2013)’ recently btw and the compositions of it were just CHEFS kiss the wackier and more experimental compositions are the better usually imo

#character hate #rants #negative thoughts #dinu yells into the void #dinu yells in the void #ask meme #asks answered #TY IGGY!!!! :DD

1 note · View note

lex-munro · 1 year

Text

[Suicide Squad Scrap] Princess pt. 20

self-indulgent batjokes-flavored SS/BvS/JL, installment 20. errbody love Brucie. my Arkham layout is mostly similar to the Arkham gameverse’s version. we’re gonna handwave the composition of the basement flooring in that particular building, even though realistically there should be several feet of dirt and conduit space between any drain/sewer systems and the building (unless the Arkham family built it all at once as a single structure like a damn castle—y’know what, that’s not out of character).

the piece as a whole is rated Mature for pervasive language, varying degrees of violence, use of controlled substances, sexual references, questionable ethics, and themes of mental illness. set from Flag’s POV, with references to (and oblique spoilers for) Birds of Prey, but not compliant with The Suicide Squad.

***

Joker dozes intermittently on the drive, which is deeply inconvenient since he’s giving directions. They leave a hotwired Olds parked by the curb of the swanky two-level. It sounds like there’s a minor party in the pool at the back (splashing, laughter, clinking glasses, but only muted music).

Joker pauses on the porch and reaches up into the overhang to pull out a spare key. (Flag hopes the neighbors aren’t looking, because Joker definitely looks more like a meth-head trying to break in than a guy who lives in a place like this.)

They walk in the front door all but unnoticed.

Joker leads them to the den, where a bubble of silence spreads as people catch sight of him. He sidles up behind a guy (still talking to some busty redhead whose big blue eyes are currently fixed on the gun in Joker’s hand), and settles both hands on the guy’s shoulders. “Hoooney, I’m hoooome,” Joker coos.

Flag wonders what clichéd line will come next. It’s not what it looks like, is always a favorite. Maybe, I can explain.

“Welcome back, Mister J,” the guy says, and his voice barely shakes. “Club’s running like a dream, Queenie’s a big hit, shipments are all on schedule. How was Arkham?”

“Boring,” Joker says, and heaves a long sigh as he clambers over the couch to sit between the henchman and the redhead, armed hand still hooked over the henchman’s shoulder. “Then Boy Scout back there took me to meet Satan, and she had me doing her dirty work in between drug comas. Good times. But she once again has something of mine, and this time, oh, this time…” Joker leans his head back on the couch. “Fuck just shooting our way in, grabbing my property, and getting out. She needs to be taught a lesson.”

“Belle Reve again?”

“Possibly. We’ll have to look into it. Anyway, Daddy’s princess is gonna set fire to anything and anyone that gets between me and my Batsy.” He lifts the pistol to trail its muzzle over his henchman’s jaw. “All of you better remember who built all this. Remember who killed Carmine Falcone and Hamilton fucking Hill and Rupert goddamn Thorne. Remember who’s broken out of Blackgate three times and Arkham seven. I’m gonna go rinse off and get dressed, and then we’re getting Harley’s girl outta Arkham for her.” He presses a loud, theatrical kiss on the man’s cheek, leaving a morbid red smear, then hops up.

Flag would tell Lawton to follow him, but the assassin does it anyway.

“Fuckin’ weak,” complains Ratcatcher. “I was hoping he’d, like, cut the guy’s nose off, or drown him in the pool, or feed him his own balls…”

The henchman gets up from the couch and turns to them. “I’m Mike. I’m Mister J’s number one guy. You want anything, you come to me.”

Flag sees right through the bravado.

“Pretty obliging for a guy Harley said stole the whole operation when Jay and the Bat had their little talk,” Ratcatcher notes.

Mike goes as pale as Harley and Joker at the accusation.

Flag smirks. “Call me Flag. That’s Arcee. I’m sure Deadshot needs no introduction, even if he’s playing bodyguard instead of assassin.”

Mike nods agreeably. “You want anything? Beer, bourbon, tequila? We got a shitload of pizza in the kitchen, too.”

“Pizza, hell yeah, that’s what we smelled,” Ratcatcher says, to a chorus of eager squeaking in her coat.

Flag rolls his eyes and follows her, clocking each armed member of the gang and catching them doing the same to him. Seven in the den, one in the hall with his hands up a girl’s skirt while she giggles and almost (but not quite) spills her drink down his back. Three more talking sports in the foyer, two in the kitchen debating the underlying literary themes of Banks’ sci-fi work.

The two in the kitchen freak when eight big rats scamper out of Ratcatcher’s clothes to politely inspect the food and make their selections. Ratcatcher grabs them paper plates from the stack and everything. She catches the gangers staring and says (with her mouth full of what looks like mushroom-bell-pepper), “You wanna get down on this?”

“No thanks,” one says while the other just stares and looks green.

“They had a bath yesterday, and they only touched their own food,” Ratcatcher tells them reprovingly. “They’re probably cleaner than you are.”

By the time she and the rats are finished, Joker sweeps into the kitchen. He’s wearing a tailored purple three piece suit with a tail coat, lavendar pinstripes on the vest setting off the loud magenta trim. His silk shirt is an eye-gouging shade of mustardy yellow that matches a hideous paisley tie.

“Noice!” says Ratcatcher. “Looking fully pimp, Mister J!”

Flag can’t help the look of horror he gives her.

“That’s the face I made, too,” Lawton says. “Buuut, we do need to get noticed.”

“This is a classic,” Joker informs them. “I wore it to the GCPD Christmas Charity Ball the year I met my Batsy, and spilled red wine on Isabela Maroni after she insulted my poor hardworking tailor.”

Lawton frowns. “Didn’t you throw an entire bottle at her face? Just, like…corked and everything?”

“It spilled,” Joker insists.

“After it shattered on her nose. Sal’s the only guy who’s ever been both dumb and brave enough to try to hire me to kill you, y’know.”

“What’d ya tell him, sweetcheeks?”

“Haveta have a death wish to take the contract, ‘cause anybody skilled enough to actually get it done would be dead within a week, assuming the Bat didn’t get there first. This was before the psychotic break—pretty sure he’d kill ‘em these days.”

“What can I say? Daddy doesn’t like people touching his things,” Joker says with a grin. “Come on—we’re picking up some thermite from my stash before we meet back up with Croc and Boom.”

“And these guys?” Flag asks.

“Mickey and the gang will meet us at one of Croc’s old haunts, and he’ll guide us in.”

“Sewers?” Ratcatcher asks a little too eagerly.

Joker just keeps grinning.

“Oh, I almost forgot…” She stuffs the last of her pizza slice into her mouth while she digs in her coat. She pulls out a couple of knives—an antique ivory handled switchblade, yellowed with age but still proudly sporting an engraved motif of card suits; and the green-handled butterfly knife that left a permanent smile on Vinnie’s face. “My buddies snagged these when Satan’s cronies stripped and straited you.”

He takes the blades, stows them in opposite pockets (left vest, right trouser). “Not bad, Minnie.”

“‘Not bad’? Lick my ass! It was cool and you know it.”

He barks a short, sharp laugh, and Flag gets the feeling she’s impressed him, somehow.

“Macky, got something for you while you’re out,” he says. “Go to this address, say ‘Location compromised, get your bug-out bag,’ and take the charming young lady to the club.”

“Mike,” the henchman corrects in a long-suffering tone.

“Gently,” Lawton stipulates. “Every scratch on my baby is a bullet in something tender of yours. And don’t try to tell her we’re friends, or you work with me, or any of that bullshit, or she’ll probably mace your ass and run.”

On their way out the door, Lawton lingers over Flag’s shoulder to mutter, “He’s still in and out. Almost busted his skull open in the shower. Keep a sharp eye.”

They swing by an outdoor storage place to grab three heavy duffel bags full of metal canisters.

Back at Harley’s place, Croc is busy being fawned on by Harley, Huntress, and some leggy black girl while a grumpy Latina ignores Digger’s attempts to make small talk with her (admittedly impressive) cleavage.

“What the fuck is he wearing?” the grumpy one asks when Joker sidles in and gestures to the door. “Holy shit, isn’t that the suit you wore when you danced with Bruce Wayne after you threw a wine bottle at Sal Maroni’s wife?”

“Don’t do that, Montoya!” Harley scolds. “Don’t remember his antics, or you’ll just feed his obnoxious narcissism!”

Joker grins. “You know you love it. Croc-baby, we’re going in through the storm drains, and then we’ll melt our way into the props department. Told the crew to meet up at your old place under Amusement Mile; you’re on point, big guy. Ladies, I recommend following us as far as the island, but after that, we’ll be drawing far too much attention to ourselves. Let’s go get Ivy and nab some anti-ARGUS intel.”

“Well, somebody needs to stay here and babysit Brucie, so you lot have fun with that,” Digger says, petting the hyena sitting beside him on the couch.

Flag rolls his eyes, but Joker strolls over and plops down on Digger’s lap (the Aussie freezes like a skunk in headlights).

“You are so right, Boom-boom,” Joker says sweetly, one hand stroking suggestively over Digger’s chest. “And I know you are gonna be the best puppy-sitter in Gotham, because Brucie here is important to our galpal Harley, and if a single fuzzy hair on his precious little mug were to be harmed, you know that Harls would rip your balls off with her teeth and go play baseball. And I know you know how important it is to have a good puppy-sitter, because if it were anything less vital and you thought I might need your help getting my Batsy away from that smug evil asshole with the kitten heels, you would definitely give it to me so that I wouldn’t have to hunt you down and put a pretty smile on your face like I did the last guy who screwed me. You remember Vinnie, right? Or were you too busy with the Human Crepe impression?”

“I remember,” Digger squeaks.

“Oh, good. Then you stay here and take very, very good care of Brucie.” And he plants a loud kiss against Digger’s cheek, leaving a dark red lipstick print, somewhat less smudgy and disturbing than the one he left on Mike’s face.

Harley snorts. “My little business partner is on her way here, too, so watch your manners, Boomy. Her ‘n Brucie are besties.”

The storm drains are surprisingly clean. Jones leads them along loud, wet tunnels far below the streets of always-rainy Gotham, taking a maze of turns while Harley tells her girls all about ‘the fun we all had killin’ a bunch of eyeball zombies or whatever’ in Midway City. Then she tells Lawton (specifically him, definitely ignoring Joker and with an air of maybe having already told Croc) about ‘this diamond full of blackmail that Sionis put a bounty on,’ which is how she met the Birds and her ‘little buddy, Cass.’

“And thanks for the price on my head, by the way,” she adds sourly.

“If you couldn’t handle that drippy little fuckstick, you’d’ve deserved to get your pretty little face cut off,” Joker replies easily. “I have faith in your ability to solve your own problems, Doctor Quinzel. You did chase after me on a motorcycle after I specifically told you we were done and you bored me.”

“And then you made me un-boring, right? Whatever. I coulda had a psychotic break and a mutated epiphany all on my own, you know—I didn’t need you for it.”

“And I didn’t need you to fuck with my memory, but here we are, Doc. And it’s not like I pushed you—you jumped.”

“Focus up, Jay, we got shit to accomplish,” Flag says before Harley can continue their little slap fight.

“She started it.”

“And I’m stopping it. Behave yourself.”

“Yes, Mommy,” Joker snarks.

Flag almost misses the moment when Joker falters a step and Lawton catches him—it’s disguised in a single smooth motion that looks like Lawton pushing Joker to keep him moving.

Great. Unpredictable mood swings on a guy with a short, bloody temper, and lingering drug interactions on top.

They arrive at a huge cistern, where Mike and some guys in Halloween masks wait with guns.

“Brought the guns, Mister J,” says Mike.

Joker sways again; he catches himself on Flag and turns the motion into a few steps of a rather forceful waltz. “That’s what I like to hear!” he cries with a brief burst of laughter.

“Get off me,” Flag grumbles, but steadies the maniac.

“Grab some cans, gents—the usual color codes apply.” He and Croc throw down the bags from the outdoor storage unit, full to bursting with aerosol cans, and the cannon fodder hurriedly gear up.

They make it to the island without getting too wet; Croc leads the way with confident ease, despite a dozen twists and turns and detours.

A couple hundred feet in, Croc pauses at a ladder. “Drain here comes out below admin central offices,” he tells Harley. She nods, and the girls split off.

He leads the rest of them farther in, through a few more turns, and stops to listen.

“Yo, Arcee—your little snack packs hear anything above us?”

He hoists her up as she holds a rat up to the ceiling. After a few seconds, she shakes her head.

“Computers about twenty feet the way we came. Footsteps fifty-ish feet ahead.”

Joker looks up and counts bricks. “Gimme a boost, Croc,” he says, grabbing a purple canister and a green canister from some nearby goons.

He sprays the two compounds in a broad rectangle and shoves a fuse into it.

“Might step back and close your eyes,” he suggests. “It’s gonna get a little toasty.”

In point of fact, it gets hot as hell near the blinding conflagration that results. Clearly, the mad chemist makes good thermite.

A goon sprays the stuff down with a pink canister, once the section of brick and mortar has collapsed into the tunnel with a minor cloud of dirt.

“Finish up for me, boys,” Joker commands, and his men hurry to clamber into the new gap and spray more chemicals on the freshly exposed metal.

“Nice of them to line it with steel instead of concrete,” Flag scoffs.

“They were thinking of people digging in and out, not melting in and out.”

The chunk of floor panel drops with a raucous clang, and Joker’s masked gang spray down the edges and climb up as someone shouts in the distance and keys fumble at a lock.

Gunshots, and sounds of pain.

Joker throws his head back and laughs, arms spread wide and waving, conducting a symphony of destruction.

“Get up there, you,” Flag says, nudging Joker toward the hole.

“A gal could break a nail,” Joker says with a pout.

Croc just tosses Joker over his shoulder, gives Ratcatcher a boost, and jumps straight up into the darkness.

“Such a gentleman!” Flag hears Joker say.

“I could be taking a nap in my cell right now,” Lawton grumbles, but climbs up.

By the time Flag gets through the hole, Joker’s people have fanned out and the man himself is hunting through boxes of personal items, apparently with a very specific list in mind.

~Cameras are about to go down,~ says Harley. ~It takes three minutes for the system to reset. They’re on the same system as the cell doors for Intensive Treatment, so we’ll give you exactly five minutes to get everything open before we bring ‘em down again to get out. Synchronize watches or whatever—radio silence starts now.~

“All clear for now,” says Lawton. “It takes just under three minutes for the higher-end security staff to gather and deploy, so the timing should be about perfect.”

“Assuming nobody spotted us earlier,” Joker puts in. “Mm, love a good ambush…”

Out in the corridors, lights and sirens are going off. They make it up the stairs without seeing any new guards.

Croc and Ratcatcher take down the two guards controlling the airlock into Intensive Treatment and get the doors working (after some minor bickering about how to work the controls). Joker’s people stay to hold the corridor against the guards that are definitely on the way.

The ominous flickering sign stares down at them as they move on toward the control booth, and Joker steps inside only to have an Eskrima rod brandished at his face.

“Joker—I should’ve known you’d…” Nightwing trails off, looking confused. “If you’re breaking out, how come you’re not in scrubs or a jumpsuit?”

Joker rolls his head on his neck. “Just gimme a ten-minute head start, kid. Or go home, either way suits me.”

“You promised Batman—”

“We’re helping Batman,” Flag interrupts. “You’re gonna have to trust us on this.”

Nightwing crosses his arms over his chest. “Look, I already know Batman’s in trouble; he’s been out of contact for twenty hours and he hinted at somebody trying to catch him with human bait.”

“Not a very flattering description for the love of a guy’s life,” Joker grumbles.

“You’ve got ninety seconds before the cameras reboot to explain why I should let you go.”

“Y’see, when daddies and princesses love each other—”

Lawton, fortunately, has both the balls and the sway to put a hand over Joker’s mouth and hurriedly say, “Jay was recruited to work with us in a top secret government task force in exchange for guaranteed visits with the Bat. Turns out he was bait, now the Agency—ARGUS, that is—has Batman. If Jay’s loose, the Bat can sit tight, but if they get him, game over. Meanwhile, we ain’t the type to sit on our asses, so we’re breaking the Agency’s other schemes wide open.”

Nightwing nods. “Okay. In seven seconds, somebody needs to hit me, and make it look good.”

“Don’t look at me,” Joker says, hands in the air like he’s surrendering. “I’m not allowed to hit birdies anymore.”

“Eh, fair enough…” And Nightwing pins Joker to the wall with one Eskrima rod, the other poised to strike.

The control panel lights up, right on time.

Flag swings in from behind and gets him in a sleeper hold, which he fights with several uncomfortable strikes to Flag’s ribs before Lawton readies his wrist magnum.

“Stand down, boy,” he says. “This don’t concern you. Run on home to Blüdhaven.”

“You won’t get away with this!” Nightwing declares. “Batman will—”

“The Bat ain’t here,” Flag says, tightening the fake hold enough to put on a good show. The kid almost over-sells it with his swoon, but Flag thinks the cameras won’t see anything amiss.

Joker reaches over and flips all the release switches for maxsec. A new siren adds itself to the cacophony, red lights flaring for extra measure. He rolls his head again, eyes hooded and neck long—it’s the most predatory Flag’s seen him in a while…even more than Vinnie the smiling lookout and the fixation on Mercy Graves after. “Bring the kid,” he purrs.

For just a fraction of a second, Flag is sure Joker has something awful planned for Nightwing.

“‘Kid,’ my ass,” mutters the Blüdhaven vigilante, still playing possum over Lawton’s shoulder. “You’ve only been doing this a year longer than I have, asshole.”

Joker giggles in reply.

They step into maxsec to the sight of seven open doors, four bewildered inmates, four unresponsive guards (drooling and swaying on their feet), and one smug redhead.

“Good evening, gentlemen, milady,” Joker says with a flourishing bow and a tip of the stolen top hat. “We come bearing gifts from the personal effects locker.” He flicks the coin at Two-Face, tosses the top hat at the little guy (‘J Tetch,’ according to his shirt), and unzips the duffel with the wooden dummy in it.

“Oh, oh my,” murmurs ‘A Wesker,’ who looks like a sweet little old man.

“Thaaaat’s right, Arn,” says Joker, eyes round and metallic teeth glinting, “your old boss, safe and sound…”

A skinny guy in glasses (‘E Nygma’; Flag remembers him having that huge Rubik’s puzzle before) clears his throat meaningfully. When Joker ignores him to gently hand over the puppet, he clears his throat again and says, “Don’t you have something for me, too?”

Joker turns, and Flag can’t see, but he knows the guy well enough now to know he’s making shark-faces again. “Can’t fool me, Eddie,” he drawls, sidling up close. “I know a man of your intellect neither wants nor needs the assistance of ‘a pasty poser clown whore.’“

“Naturally,” ‘Eddie’ says with suicidal bravado.

Joker grabs him in a chummy half-hug. “Besides, I’m sure you know all about the escape tunnel. Gun Bunny, be a doll and put Nightlight in my old room. The Boy Blunder will be along later to let him out, and we’ll all be sipping champagne somewhere while he dies of embarrassment. Maybe the Iceberg Lounge—I’m feeling fancy. Run along, jailbirds…Croc will be holding the door.”

‘P Isley’ rolls her eyes. “Come on, boys,” she tells the guards under her thrall.

The wooden ventriloquist dummy chimes in with a Hollywood mobster accent, “If it’s all the same to youse, I think me ‘n Dummy will stick around for a while. I gotta make some guards pay for the way they treated my numba one guy.”

“Oh, dear,” says the little old man, but he seems happy enough at the proposition.

“Us, too,” says Two-Face. “But thanks for the hand, clown. We owe you one.”

Flag breaks radio silence to say, “Pack it up, kids, we’re on our way out.”

~Jackpot!~ Harley calls back. ~Okay, we just wrapped up, too. Cameras back down in sixty seconds. Meet you at the rendezvous point. How’s my Pammy look?~

How the hell is he supposed to answer that? “Uh. Judgy? Kinda smolder-y?”

Harley giggles. ~That’s my Pammy!~

.End.

#fanfic #scraps #Suicide Squad #CANON DIVERGENCE #universe alteration #guest-starring the Birds of Prey (and Brucie)#guest-starring Nightwing #guest-starring Poison Ivy (and the criminal cosplay club)#fic series: princess #you guys got this post 12 hours earlier than intended because i forgot to put PM after the time when i scheduled it lol

1 note · View note