#studying while neurodivergent
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that little voice in your head telling you that maybe you don't need to register for education accommodations this semester? yeah that's the devil talking. if you're eligible for help, accept the damn help
#neurodivergent#adhd#autism#disability#uni student stuff#studying while neurodivergent#studying while disabled
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studying while neurodivergent big post
this post is mainly targeted at people who are at university/college and have a disorder that makes studying challenging (e.g. you experience executive dysfunction, perfectionism, concentration issues).
however. some of these tips might be useful in general, so I'm not going to stop anyone from following my advice even if they're neurotypical
preparing for class
in general: do it. prepare for your classes. it makes it more likely that you're actually going to show up (in my experience)
you don't have to read every single word of every single reading. read the introductions, the abstracts, the sub-headings, and the conclusion. you can go back and read the rest if it feels necessary
take notes while you read. they don't have to be pretty, it's just about keeping your brain engaged with what you're learning
bring all your notebooks into uni with you if possible! this way, there's nothing stopping you from procrastinating studying for one class by studying for another class (which is a fine and good thing to do)
most textbooks are available for free or for cheap in the depths of the internet or in a secondhand bookshop :)
things to keep in mind for being in class
uni is not high school. it's unlikely that a lecturer or tutor is going to get mad at you if you bring something to stim with (as long as it isn't super disruptive)
go to class! even if you haven't done the readings! going to class will give you access to class discussions and a general flow of ideas that will help you with your assignments
skipping class to do an assignment might feel like a good idea, but it's actually a very terrible idea. don't do it. it is not worth it
be honest with your classmates about what you're finding confusing. chances are that they'll either have a cool way to explain it, or they'll be just as confused (in which case, you may have just given them the courage to ask!)
you're allowed to just walk out early if you start to get overwhelmed. people won't judge you or call you out for it. it's okay to leave early
general studying tips
association is the name of the game! pair a certain song, smell, taste, or colour with each class, and be consistent with it. our memories are deeply tied to our senses, and this kind of association will help to remind your brain what class you're doing
don't do what looks pretty or sounds cool, do what works. if you like to listen to your lectures as if they're podcasts while you're doing the dishes... great! if you like to turn facts into puns... awesome! whatever works is good!
count yourself in. if you've been sitting around thinking "I need to do maths" for the past however long, trick your brain by saying out loud "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, MATHS!" and then GO
another cool brain trick is to tell yourself that you're only going to study for 10 minutes, or you're only going to read one chapter. this lowers the barrier to getting started, and will usually help you get into the flow and get at least something done
if body-doubling works for you, then do it! organise a day each week to meet up with a friend and study together! you'll both appreciate it
keep your phone in a different room from your studying gear
get one of those content keeper extensions on your computer, and get your best friend to set the password. this will protect you from the pull of Tumblr when you're meant to be reading about politics in Botswana or whatever
essays
read the question! read it again! highlight the important words in the question! read it out loud! and only THEN figure out how you're going to answer it
you can't edit a blank page. whack some words down. come back to them later. your first go does not have to be perfect
organise your notes by theme, not by which article gave you the idea. this will help you to turn notes into paragraphs with consistent arguments
cite as you go. take note of where you found each of your quotes. it is so much better this way, I promise
your essay plan only needs to make sense to you. lay out your plan however you like. again, it's better to have something on the page than nothing
make your essay writing timeline as if you know that disaster will strike the week of the due date. pretend that the due date is a week before it actually is. give yourself due dates for smaller parts of the assignment. whatever it takes to trick your brain into actually doing it ahead of time!!
use text to speech to catch grammar mistakes! hearing your essay read back out loud to you will make it easier to tell when something sounds wrong or bad or clunky
self-care advice
you won't do well on your exams if you're having several meltdowns a day, so you better be looking after your emotional health!!
eat three meals a day if you can. bring snacks with you everywhere. studying makes you hungry, and your brain needs the fuel. carrying around emergency muesli bars everywhere never hurt anyone
have a big water bottle and also carry it around with you everywhere. when you're studying, it can be easy to forget to keep your fluids up, but having your drink bottle on your desk can be a visual reminder to keep on drinking
STRETCH! stretch in between classes. stretch after taking lots of notes. you do not want to damage your arm muscles from typing/writing too much
don't abandon your hobbies during the semester if it is at all possible. don't sacrifice your weekend knitting or your early morning jog. those are the things that you enjoy, and they are the things that will keep you sane once the stress hits
sleep early, sleep often. all-nighters are not the way
this is kind of all I can think of at the moment! I hope at least something on this big long list is helpful for anyone who is studying at the moment. remember that your grades don't define you, and that you are more than just a student!
#studying tips#studying while neurodivergent#studying with adhd#studying with autism#neurodivergent uni student#studying
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laios babygirl touden
#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#laios touden#doodle#drawing study#fanart#anime#artists on tumblr#cinderoo#based off of babygirl poses that were trending a while back#laios is my babygirl#i think i like this neurodivergent monster lover food man too much
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i can’t keep doing this
#min draw#minbitt#masking#my autism and adhd experience#i tried way too hard to fit in#probably should've realised i was neurodivergent sooner#entering high school i studied a lot of things i struggled to maintain interest in#just for the sake of having a bigger reservoir of conversation topics#it worked! only for a short while#turns out if ppl like you they want to hang out with you MORE#having to keep up this study grind every day spiralled me into dread#i ended up with burn out in the first month of high school lmao#be comfortable#not me evaluating my performance after every social interaction i have
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Self-Learning Troubles
I have for a long time had troubles with learning languages by myself. I was doing Duolingo courses for German and the way I was doing them probably contributed to how I was able to maximize my time learning and also maximize my recall afterwards. Back in 2019, I was doing a tech internship and when I would go on my lovely state-mandated breaks (oh how I miss them now that I've moved to a state that doesn't have them), I would take the time to do some German Duolingo lessons (this was before the re-tool to make it more like the CEFR scale, obviously, if that makes a difference; I don't believe it would but this is an aside just for your information; I have digressed, anyway...). Of course, my life has much less structure now than it did then (plus those breaks at work are now non-existence because different state laws so), so I don't think I'd be able to do something similar.
I have since tried to just be a sponge for the languages that I'm learning. Listening to music in the language, attempting to read things in the language, and continuing to say to myself that I'll make a goalpost of trying to take a certification exam for the language that I would then have to study for and eventually hope to pass. I've been looking at said exam for German for a while now, so you can guess how that has gone.
My ADHD and other relevant neurodivergencies make it difficult for me to learn things the normal way, and I don't think there's a way to replicate the way I learned ASL (where I would often watch interpreters and listen to what was being interpreted and attempt to pick up on signs; I have actually attempted to look into this, although the answers that I got were basically "you could try to do it, but I doubt you'll get good results out of it"). Another reason that would be difficult is that I took a class for ASL where we were only allowed to use ASL during lecture hours. That added on the pressure of being graded and since I graduated university two years ago, that definitely won't work.
Tbh I don't know why I decided to write this post. I'd love to be able to study languages daily and make some kind of routine where I could sit down (or probably more accurately, carve time out of my busy work schedule) and practice/learn the languages I'm learning at the time. I feel like I haven't found the right method for me. It's waiting out there somewhere, and I just have to find it. All of the conventional methods haven't worked for me as of yet, so I guess I keep searching.
This is a jumble of word salad, and if you'd like to add a proverbial salad dressing to help me out, feel free. Or don't; this is the free internet, and I have no say in what you do with it.
#langblr#tongueblr#studyblr#languages#language learning#studying#multilingual#learning languages#polyglot#aspiring polyglot#language#adhd#adhd problems#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#please help i feel like learning languages while nd is infinitely harder
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While not studying #0
Topic: Why Im starting the series?
I'm starting a series of posts where i talk about things i do while not studying, to:
give other students ideas on how to rest;
motivate myself to find new ways to rest.
I have been in a burnout for a really long time, I also just left music school (i might post on why in the future). I never got to LEARN how to rest. Resting is a pretty basic activity, but to us, neurodivergent gifted kid burnout people, it's a lot harder due to anxiety, overstimulation etc. etc..
We have to remamber that: RESTING is a SKILL.
My whole life (well, not whole but most of it) I was waking up at 6am coming home at 8pm, almost no free time, I've fallen into serious depression and im pretty ducking sick od it. I decided that im going to change that, it'll be hard, but I'm determined and believe i can do it!
Follow me if you want to join me on this journey
Bye!!
#while not studying#studyblr#study blog#gifted kid burnout#neurodivergent#neurodivergent studyblr#autistic studyblr#adhd studyblr#audhd#my post
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the study club headcanons:
always getting derailed by talking about books they're currently reading
other students always sit at the tables around them to eavesdrop their conversations since it's like free tutoring
remus is banned from talking about sirius when all three all of them are together (as such, remus keeps trying to get talking about james banned)
lily and regulus both realised remus was a werewolf in their first year, lily just promptly asked him if she was right and then told him she was going to search for more unbiased material about them since she didn't know much about his experience. regulus just kept reading books about werewolves in front of remus so often, with a smirk on his face, that remus clearly knew regulus had worked it out. they never talked about it, but sirius had talked to regulus about not telling anyone, including their parents
they have a designated table they always sit at (it's by the window, far enough away from the desk so pince won't hear them talking, but not far enough away that they'll be surrounded by students messing around)
their other friends try to drag them away all the time so they're unable to hang out much, or for very long
they all abuse their prefect privileges, and spend their night duties just sitting in the halls reading together
they all have different subjects they're best at, so help the others with those
remus and lily trying to explain different films to regulus since he can't watch any, he now thinks star wars is a gay farmer who gets dragged from his home to fight against the government, which a dude in black who breathes heavily. and they also have glowing swords and bear-people.
remus gives them spare jumpers he keeps in his bag when its cold in the library (sirius getting jealous when they see regulus wearing one of remus' jumpers)
dramatic but stony regulus, hot-headed but approachable lily, and laidback but studious remus
they have a very 'no matter what's going on outside this group, what fights you're getting into with my closest friends, we're still friends and will still meet up right here'
james trying to get remus to be his wingman and remus gives in one time, awkwardly trying to describe how hot james looks after a shower or his morning run, and from that starts a rumour james and remus are dating. while lily and regulus are happy to just laugh at the stuttering, red faced remus)
they barely acknowledge each other outside of the library (only lily and remus with regulus, not lily and remus to each other)
remus is the one who brought them together, becoming friends with lily in first year due to their mutual books obsession, and remus and regulus due to remus being the first to find out regulus was trans (like him) and gave him tips. but from that regulus and lily became friends, than slowly started to flirt, than lily asked him out, and now remus is stuck having to deal with a flirting couple that think they're so secretive when holding hands under the table and giving each other looks and complimenting each other's handwriting and remus just wants to die. die. die.
#i cant describe how much i love them as a group#they're such depressed dorks. i love them.#them meeting up weekly to gush about history of magic while being the only students to ever pay attention in that class. ever.#complete utter neurodivergent nerds.#marauders era#marauders#remus lupin#lily evans#regulus black#marauders study club
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Do you ever hear a certain piece of music, and you stop everything you're doing and cancel all your plans because all of a sudden, you're like:
"MM yes, that scratches the creative itch. Now I must immerse myself fully into [enter your art form here] for 6 hours and forget to feed myself, feed my animals, wash my dishes, make the bed, and answer my phone, ultimately making myself go brain-dead by the time I'm done but super proud of the finished product."
All because of a few opening notes in a song you know.
#music#artistic inspiration#probably neurodivergency#is this an adhd thing?#i was trying to study a guidebook for a job I'm trying to get so i put on some music without words to listen to while i read#but some celtic came on and every time i hear it OH MY GOD i want to work on my dragon age fanfic#i'm fighting off the creative urges to study
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I am still not over the fact that I have so many interests and I have so much knowledge in them and the reason for it is because I'm neurodivergent... I have been apologizing to my family over something that is just part of my neurodivergence
#neurodiverse stuff#neurodivergent#nothing is a personality trait#its neurodivergence#hyperfixation#i am hyperfixating on communication theory currently#i am also hyperfixatinng on linguistics#also for some reason tv shows are playing in my brain while im trying to study#greys anatomy#criminal minds#i hear the theme music
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I'm getting depressingly good at identifying the formula for Pop Academic Books About ADHD.
Regardless of their philosophy it pretty much goes like this:
1. Emotionally sensitive essay about the struggle of ADHD and the author's personal experience with it as both a person with ADHD and a healthcare professional.
2. Either during or directly following this, a lightly explicated catalogue of symptoms, illustrated by anecdotes from patient case studies. Optional: frequent, heavy use of metaphor to explain ADHD-driven behavior.
3. Several chapters follow, each dedicated to a symptom; these have a mini-formula of their own. They open with a patient case study, discuss the highly relatable aspects of the specific symptom or behavior, then offer some lightweight examples of a treatment for the symptom, usually accompanied by follow up results from the earlier case studies.
4. Somewhere around halfway-to-two-thirds through the book, the author introduces the more in-depth explication of the treatment system (often their own homebrew) they are advocating. These are generally both personally-driven (as opposed to suggested cultural changes, which makes sense given these books' target audience, more on this later) and composed of an elaborate system of either behavior alteration or mental reframing. Whether this system is actually implementable by the average reader varies wildly.
5. A brief optional section on how to make use of ADHD as a tool (usually referring to ADHD or some of its symptoms as a superpower at least once). Sometimes this section restates the importance of using the systems from part 4 to harness that superpower. Frequently, if present, it feels like an afterthought.
6. Summation and list of further resources, often including other books which follow this formula.
I know I'm being a little sarcastic, but realistically there's nothing inherently wrong about the formula, like in itself it's not a red flag. It's just hilariously recognizable once you've noticed it.
It makes sense that these books advocate for the Reader With ADHD undertaking personal responsibility for their treatment, since these are in the tradition of self-help publishing. They're aimed at people who are already interested in doing their own research on their disability and possible ways to handle it. It's not really fair to ask them to be policy manuals, but I do find it interesting that even books which advocate stuff like volunteering (for whatever reason, usually to do with socialization issues and isolation, often DBT-adjacent) never suggest disability activism either generally or with an ADHD-specific bent.
None of these books suggest that perhaps life with ADHD could be made easier with increased accommodations or ease of medication access, and that it might be in a person's best interest to engage in political advocacy surrounding these and other disability-related issues. Or that activism related to ADHD might help to give someone with ADHD a stronger sense of ownership of their unique neurology. Or that if you have ADHD the idea of activism or even medical self-advocacy is crushingly stressful, and ways that stress might be dealt with.
It does make me want to write one of my own. "The Deviant Chaos Guide To Being A Miscreant With ADHD". Includes chapters on how to get an actual accurate assessment, tips for managing a prescription for a controlled substance, medical and psychiatric self-advocacy for people who are conditioned against confrontation, When To Lie About Being Neurodivergent, policy suggestions for ADHD-related legislation, tips for activism while executively dysfunked, and to close the book a biting satire of the pop media idea of self-care. ("Feeling sad? Make yourself a nice pot of chicken soup from scratch and you'll feel better in no time. Stay tuned after this rambling personal essay for the most mediocre chicken soup recipe you've ever seen!" "Have you considered planning and executing an overly elaborate criminal heist as a way to meet people and stay busy?")
Every case study or personal anecdote in the book will have a different name and demographics attached but will also make it obvious that they are all really just me, in the prose equivalent of a cheap wig, writing about my life. "Kelly, age seven, says she struggles to stay organized using the systems neurotypical children might find easy. I had to design my own accounting spreadsheet in order to make sure I always have enough in checking to cover the mortgage, she told me, fidgeting with the pop socket on her smartphone."
I feel a little bad making fun, because these books are often the best resource people can get (in itself concerning). It's like how despite my dislike of AA, I don't dunk on it in public because I don't want to offer people an excuse not to seek help. It feels like punching down to criticize these books, even though it's a swing at an industry that is mainly, it seems, here to profit from me. But one does get tired of skimming the hype for the real content only to find the real content isn't that useful either.
Les (not his real name) was diagnosed at the age of 236. Charming, well-read, and wealthy, he still spent much of his afterlife feeling deeply inadequate about his perceived shortcomings. "Vampire culture doesn't really acknowledge ADHD as a condition," he says. "My sire wouldn't understand, even though he probably has it as well. You should see the number of coffins containing the soil of his homeland that he's left lying forgotten all over Europe." A late diagnosis validated his feelings of difference, but on its own can't help when he hyperfocuses on seducing mortals who cross his path and forgets to get home before sunrise. "I have stock in sunburn gel companies," he jokes.
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studying with autism
try to connect topics back to a special interest if possible. even if it’s just a matter of listening to a song you’re fixated on whilst studying
make your notes as fun looking as possible! use colour-coded highlighters! make funny little poems to remember formulas! be creative!
if you’re struggling to get started, tell yourself that you’re only going to do 5 minutes, or one sentence, or one practice problem. it works to get the ball rolling
start the week (or the study session) by writing a list of everything you need to do. break tasks down into small pieces. tick things off as you do them
study in an environment that works for your sensory needs. experiment a little to see what works and what doesn’t — silence or music? tracksuit pants or jeans? lamp or bright lights? — and keep it consistent
there’s no shame in doing things differently from your peers. it’s okay to take things slowly. it’s okay to give yourself little treats and rewards. it’s okay if you can only remember things by singing them. whatever works for you is good!
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Hm. Hmm. Hate to see someone you usually respect the opinion of have a bad take that could've stayed an opinion until they started throwing accusations at people that tried to have a discussion about it.
#literally like. idc if someone says they don't agree with a specific theory around neurodivergence and certain correlations.#if that current theory makes them uncomfortable and they wanna talk about why and why they agree then that's fine#but it's not equivalent to asp*e supremacy or “we're just the next step in human evolution” or “it's like a superpower!” type rhetoric#to say that certain presentations of certain neurotypes are more likely to interpret things a different way#and change how they interact with the world based on that difference#that is THE DEFINITION of neurodivergence as a whole thing#seeing the world differently and thusly interacting with it differently and that not being inherently disordered#if they're interpreting that theory the way it seems like they are then yeah i completely understand where they're coming from#but that's not how I've interpreted that theory AT ALL and holy shit it is not supremacist to talk about how brains like mine work#i follow this theory of thought because it explains my experience EXACTLY and is very in line with other people I've spoken to as well#the studies back it up#and a few people maybe explaining it badly or hell even genuinely believing it in the way this person seems to think we all do#does not make the theory BAD or elitist and it certainly doesn't mean that we're unable to acknowledge how others of our own neurotype#might be effected in a way to produce the exact opposite result#though when you lump us all in with supremecists then yeah i understand why someone would assume#that we're leaving entire chunks of the community out#but the theory can be correct for those of us it applies to without nullifying the validity of those whom experience the opposite#because neurotypes are vast even within the same type. that's the whole goddamn point of referring to them that way#instead of as disorders with requirements too strict to encompass us all as who we are#and some of us know that while STILL believing in the theory because it doesn't have to be true for EVERYONE#it is just a theory as to why certain neurotypes have certain correlations#no more no less#and yes i do in fact think that some aspects of my neurotype make life better for me than those without it#just like i think some aspects of my neurotype make life harder for me than those without it#because that's how neurotypes and brains work and it is NOT SUPREMACY to talk about the ways in which#certain trends in certain types can line up beneficially!! when we are talking about why there are correlations!#we're not leaving people with our neurotypes who don't relate out of the conversation#because the conversation is not about them. it is about people who fall into the correlation! so we can talk about why!#sorry if you feel left out but not every conversation - even about a group you're part of - has to do with you#(if you're seeing this i can almost guarantee this post is not about you)
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adhd study affirmations + tips to stray from discouragement
by a stem student with adhd.
you’re not always going to be consistent. you’re not always going to be motivated. you’re not always going to be efficient. and that is okay.
edit : thank you so much to whoever blazed this post. It means the world to me.
and the fact that you even got this far is an accomplishment in and of itself. In this line of work, people aren’t always the kindest to neurodivergent people especially since our symptoms can often hinder our performance academically.
if you’re good to go after reading the above, I’ve also made a post regarding adhd study tips that I haven’t seen anywhere else. (Part 2 is here!) But, if you’re burned out like me, feel free to keep reading.
honestly, these might serve a bit more as reminders because they’re kinda simple but even I needed this, so, here we go.
do not seek advice from anyone neurotypical unless it genuinely helps you. I cannot tell you the amount of time and tears I could have saved if I just considered the fact that just because popular self-improvement tips or study techniques didn’t work for me, it doesn’t mean I’m stupid or useless. It simply means our brains isn’t motivated by the same things neurotypical ones are, and therefore a lot of popular self-improvement videos or study tips aren’t going to work for you because 90% of the time, they’re not designed to work for neurodivergent people. So if you’d like to seek help in this area, look for tips and videos that ARE for neurodivergent people.
you might experience burnout a lot more than others. again, that is fine. if this doesn’t apply to you, great! Feel free to skip to the next tip/affirmation. If this does apply to you, read this carefully; if you’ve had any sort of streak in studying right now, chances are you know at least a portion of your studies were led purely on interest, curiosity or even novelty, as these are what keep us engaged in our studies. Knowing this, it is natural for you to experience burnout more frequently than others due to the possible hyperfixations that have been forming around your work. If you get burned out, please remember to take a break for a day and make sure it is efficient. Like your studies, your breaks are the key to having efficient study sessions in the future. So please treat yourself, especially if you’ve been working extra hard!
do not admire studious fictional characters unless it genuinely helps you or they too are neurodivergent. I know this technically could have been thrown in with tip number 1 but I felt like this tip alone is so important, because nowadays I see a lot of study tips with the title, ‘how to study like (insert studious fictional character here)’ and when I look at the post it kinda repeats the same few study tips I see all the time like ‘stay organized’ or ‘time block your day’ and I feel like admiring fictional characters who do things that don’t work for you can be damaging for your mental health, because we’re already told by neurotypical people all around us that we’re slow or lazy just because we don’t do things the way they do, and I think idolizing neurotypical people that make us feel bad at the end of the day just further promotes that kind of toxic thinking.
expect that a routine/schedule/technique that has been working for a while now may not continue to work in the future. things will always have to be new for us to be interested or engaged, that being said, if you expect this in the future you won’t be frustrated with yourself because you already had this in mind. It doesn’t mean you’re not smart. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It doesn’t mean you’re useless. It just means that you’ve done what you could, and now it’s time to move on to another routine/schedule/technique.
keep doing the things you love alongside work. I find that because our symptoms may cause us to fall behind on our studies, we tend to neglect our other needs as human beings just to make up for the fact that we simply do not learn or pick things up the same way neurotypical people do. Your hobbies and interests need to be part of your day, just as your studies do, even if you may take longer to learn things or remember important concepts in your studies. Neglecting your hobbies or interests can lead to even more frequent burn outs and even a relapse in depression and anxiety, so please take care of yourself and recognize that you need and deserve these things just as much as anyone else.
regularly discover what works for you on your own. here’s the thing; neurodivergent or not, no two brains work the same. Of course it is good to try out advice or tips you find online because they’re backed up by experience, but they’re backed up by that person’s experience with working with their own brain. So naturally, you need to find what works with your brain. Be open to trying everything, even the tips that are discouraged like listening to lyrical music while studying. That was the only way I learnt that this tip actually does help me at times, even when many people have said that it negatively affects your focus.
that’s all I have right now guys, I think I’m experiencing burn out or probably falling back into depression again so more than anything this also served as a reminder for me, but I really hope it also helped you guys nonetheless.
As always, tell me if you guys would like more posts like these and I’ll be happy to make more <33 please take care of yourself guys, and remember that your studies is just one aspect of your life. There are other aspects that need your care and attention too.
#science#stem#study#study hard#study motivation#studyblr#studygram#studystudystudy#biochemistry#chemistry#adult adhd#adhd stuff#adhd tips#adhd#adhd study tips#adhd brain#adhd studyblr#adhd struggles#adhd things#living with adhd#actually adhd#adhd problems
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WHILE NOT STUDYING #2
Date: April 21th 2024
Topic: what i did lately to relax and rest
Started watching a new show "Ted" (2024) - i recommend watching shows that have stand-alone episodes as you're less likely to binge them;
Arranged the books on one shelf in my schools library in the alphabetical order - if you're planning to do this, ask the librarians first to make sure they don't have anything against it;
Started reading magazines on things that interest me - as an example National Geographic, I'm keen on biology so i find it really nice and relaxing;
Read, read and read - i might post book recommendations in the future currently i'm reading The Time Machine by H.G. Wells;
This post took me 2 weeks to finish, first time I wrote it, i was not happy with how it turned out. I was also in a bit of a depression pit, but i'm better now.
Have a nice day
#while not studying#autistic studyblr#actually autistic#gifted kid burnout recovery#gifted kid burnout#actually adhd#actually ocd#actually disabled#adhd studyblr#neurodivergent studyblr#neurodivergent
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Screaming, crying and OBSESSING over the way Anya and Demetrius are on opposite sides of the Neurodivergent scale and also far more similar to one another than either one realizes. More than any other character we've seen so far, it feels like these two are Yin and Yang, opposite sides of the same coin.
Demetrius easily absorbs facts, figures, and other information that follows a set pattern. But people confuse and frustrate him, and he deals with that by not dealing with it. Anya has the ability to understand more about strangers she passes on the street than people who see them regularly ever could, but traditional academics can overwhelm her so she is resistant to studying. And yet both of them are othered and seen as abnormal by everyone around them, building a wall between them and their peers that they both find difficult to overcome.
Anya tries to fit in through masking, pretending as hard as she can to be normal (with limited success) but Demetrius has given up after going so long without anyone helping him better understand others which leads to him disassociating in social situations as a self defense mechanism, to get in and out as quickly and painlessly as possible while telling himself it doesn't matter.
Except it does.
Demetrius didn't need to ask about Damian's stella. But he did. Because he wants to find some sort of common ground with his brother even as he reassures himself that it doesn't matter and he doesn't care. He doesn't pick up on the fact that this makes Damian feel self conscious, that he's comparing his one stella to Demetrius' six and worried their father will love him less for not being as successful. Demetrius doesn't understand how the subject switched to Donovan at all, and shuts down hard when their father is mentioned. Just like he did when Damian called and asked him to be a bridge between them way back when.
(Demetrius warning Damian not to get his hopes up about Donovan coming to meet him also conflicts with his internal dialog about how the people around him don't matter and he doesn't need to care about understanding them. If it actually doesn't matter to him, then he wouldn't care if Donovan blew Damian off.)
Circling back to the original thought though, I desperately hope that we're going to get Demetrius and Anya interacting directly with one another at some point in the future because I have a feeling that Anya's blunt, child-like nature will lead to her just directly telling Demetrius the things that are eluding him when he interacts with others, demystifying all the unspoken social cues he's supposed to yet cannot intuit for the first time in his life. And he is going to be in awe of this child for her ability to not only understand others, but translate for him when he cannot grasp whatever it is they are trying and failing to say to him.
Demetrius could appreciate Anya's abilities, rather than being afraid of or disturbed by them. And they could both understand the feeling of not fitting in with the crowd. Of knowing that others regard them with fear and contempt, or want to use the things that make them different for their own purposes and treat them like they are just a tool instead of a person. The potential is there for a very interesting platonic relationship between two kids who have spent their whole lives feeling like their differences alienated them from everyone else in their life, and in Anya's case a fear that the discovery of that difference would lead to her losing the love of everyone important to her in her life.
#spy x family#anya forger#damian desmond#demetrius desmond#spy x family manga#spy x family manga spoilers#sxf#sxf manga spoilers#twisting them around like a rubix cube
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Stuck
~1.5k words || rating: teen || cws: dissociation; unlabeled neurodivergencies and mental illnesses
He’s never quite sure how it happens, seeming to always sneak up on him. One minute he’s up and moving around, usually cleaning, organizing, or just meandering around the house. The next, he’s lying on the floor in the middle of the living room. He tries to move but can’t. Not because he’s physically restrained, like when the rope from the Russians cut into his wrists or how the vines constricted his neck.
No, Steve’s just lying here on the floor, trapped in his own mind. His eyes are raw, stinging with dryness. Painful tingles pop throughout his right arm from where his head rests heavy on his bicep. His hip and shoulder ache. He can’t move or talk or blink. Can barely think. He’s not in his body.
He’s lost. Stuck.
Getting stuck means losing time, chunks of days lost to a void. It means missing meals and unanswered phone calls. Growing up, it felt like an escape. A safe way to pass the time between eating and sleeping. He’d come back to himself, sometimes hours later, sore and hungry, mustering up energy he didn’t have. Once, his parents discovered him frozen on the ground. Mom’s yelling and Dad’s foot shoving his side brought him jolting back into his body. Like waking from a nightmare, rising from the dead chased by panic.
It happens less now, but still catches up to him when he’s exhausted. He thinks today it was the kids– they were particularly obnoxious. Yelling excitedly about Eddie’s new campaign ideas, trucking in snow from outside after building a demo-snowman. Cooking for them, cleaning after them, getting them home safe.
Yeah, he gets how he maybe overdid it a bit.
But with Eddie here, it’s easier. His sweetheart always knows how to help, usually checking up on him after stressful days. Hopefully he comes to check on him soon.
Because Steve can’t move. Or talk. Or even blink.
The sun is starting to set.
~~~
The Party were extra chaotic today, pushing him to the fringes of patience. He’s thrilled they’re excited about his newest campaign ideas, but god, did they have to be so unbearably loud about it? Dustin’s screeches are still rattling between his ears. Not to mention the soreness he feels from helping the kids build a snowman demo-thing and the ensuing snowball fight.
The idea of an occult campaign has been percolating in Eddie’s brain for weeks, and after the day he’s had, he’s lost to the research. Perched on a chair upstairs in their bedroom, books are scattered across the desk and onto their bed next to him. Typically, creative deep-dives restore his energy after a long day. But when he’s well and truly exhausted, he’ll lose hours at a time to the work. Getting stuck, according to Steve. And yeah, Eddie can see how that fits.
Growing up, Eddie would lose hours throwing himself into his latest and greatest project, whether it be drawing, playing guitar, writing campaigns, reading or even the time he tried juggling. Entranced by his newest obsession, his surroundings would fade into the background. He’d forget to do his homework, to eat or drink. Hell, sometimes he’d forget to pee. Wayne’d drop a gentle hand to his shoulder– pulling him back to reality– and he’d take off like a shot to the bathroom. Every sensation hitting all at once: bladder about to burst, stomach rumbling, dry mouth, headache, body stiff and achy.
As he gets older, it’s still a frequent occurrence. So Robin had given him the idea of setting alarms, saying it helps her remember to take breaks while studying. And he’s thankful, because it works like a charm when he actually remembers. But when he forgets, his Stevie takes care of him.
He’ll find Eddie crouched awkwardly by the desk, eyes manic, only seeing what’s in front of him. Eddie will eat or drink anything Steve gives him, barely tasting whatever it is, just as long as he can see it. And Steve lets him be for at least a few hours so he can burn energy into whatever project he's lost himself in. All Steve cares is that he’s fed and hydrated. Usually, Eddie comes to slowly, with Steve’s fingers gently carding through his hair, or soft strokes up and down his spine.
Now Eddie breaks his own musings, eyes strained, hungry, and needing to stretch. He can’t help but wonder why his sweetheart hasn’t checked on him.
Moonlight is shining through the window.
~~~
It’s eerily quiet as Eddie makes his way down the stairs. He half expects to find Steve stress-baking, but the kitchen is dark.
So he checks the garage– the car is still here. And the backyard– he never sits by the pool alone. Then the front porch– maybe he went out for a smoke.
Guilt eats at Eddie as he finds his beautiful boy on the living room floor, curled into himself.
Stuck.
He hates finding Steve like this– stuck and lost like Eddie’s engrossed fantasies. Yet so, so different.
The first time Eddie found him, unresponsive and immovable, he spiraled into a panic so strong Steve had broken free of his own melancholy, finding Eddie hyperventilating and sobbing in the midst of a flashback. Too much like Chrissy. Like Patrick and Nancy.
They'd talked about it. And Eddie had appreciated afterwards how Steve struggled to describe what being stuck feels like, why it happens, what to do about it. It'd helped.
So on grey days, long nights, the holidays, or when the kids are extra rowdy, Eddie looks for the signs. He's been good about getting Steve to slow down before it's too late.
But on rare occasions, there will be a day like today. When it’s too much for both of them.
Eddie doesn't know how long his baby’s been lying here. Doesn't know when he ate or drank or even blinked. Because he’d holed himself up, desperate for time alone to just think. To be with himself after spending all day surrounded by people. But he forgot to set an alarm, assuming Steve would be there.
He focuses on his sweetheart, slowly kneeling down next to him so as not to startle him. Remembers all of the tips and tricks Steve needs.
"Hey honey," Eddie whispers, close enough to be present but not overwhelming. "Don't worry baby we'll get you unstuck I promise. I'm going to reach out and grab your hand now ok?"
He continues to whisper gentle praises and reassurances as he holds Steve's hand. It's limp for a time, and Eddie is hungry, but he doesn't stop. Time is lost to them both again, until he feels a slight squeeze on his fingers. Steve finally blinks, slow and hard.
"Hey big boy, love to see those pretty, long eyelashes.” He smiles down at his baby, honeyed hazel eyes slowly refocusing. “Alright, once for no and two for yes: do you want me to help you onto the couch?"
A full minute passes before Eddie feels two gentle squeezes to his fingers.
"That's great sweetheart. I'm gonna tilt you to sit up and we'll get you settled. Then I'm going to ask if you want anything. Ready?" Two squeezes.
They finally get to the couch, and Eddie can already feel a strong sense of relief at just seeing his baby move off the floor. He hears Steve's back pop as they stand, decides he'll give him a massage later.
It goes on. And on and on. Eddie follows the process of squeezes until Steve is unstuck and back in his body.
"Water?" Two squeezes.
"Food?" One squeeze.
"Blanket?" Two squeezes.
Eddie's patience always pays off. He's got Steve set up on the couch, hydrated and relaxed, with his favorite movie playing softly. He’s managed to grab a bowl of cereal for himself. They're cuddled and warm with Steve’s head in his lap. Eddie glides his fingers up and down the sore side of Steve’s body, gently squeezing as he goes.
~~~
Steve comes back to himself surrounded by love.
His eyes sting and his mouth is dry. He doesn't know what time it is, but notices the sun has long set, moonlight shining through the curtains. The bones in his neck crack and his joints pop as he stretches.
But he's warm under the blankets, tucked into his boyfriend's chest as they watch the teddy bear Star Wars. Eddie's loosely twirling the hairs at the nape of his neck, lightly tugging and sending tingles down his spine. There's a glass of water and crackers on the table in front of him.
Getting stuck inside his head terrifies him, something he dreads as much as the night terrors.
But with Eddie, it's easier, happens less often. And when it does, he always wakes up to love.
~~
This was a pure self-indulgence fic. An exact recreation of my relationship with my partner. It fits my headcanon for the boys perfectly (though I'm obviously biased haha)
#steddie#steddie fic#steddie ficlet#steve harrington#steve harrington whump#hurt/comfort#steve harrington does not feel his feelings it's practically canon#steve harrington is my favorite self insert and i will continue to do so until i get so sick of writing myself i go back to canon#rinse and repeat#eddie munson#eddie munson is the personification of adhd#have you seen that man's bedroom? it's definitely canon#stranger things#stranger things fic#stranger things ficlet#QueenieWritesStories
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