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talks-with-the-void · 6 months

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uuurrrrgh I hate this feeling of "what if I am faking being autistic??? I for sure am nOt AUtiSTiC EnoUgH"

So. In an attempt to cope with this, I'm gonna write shit down

reasons why I think I am "not autistic enough":

I can use irony and sarcasm and it's a 50/50 chance if I understand it when other people use it

I am very low to no support needs, because I am extremely skilled at masking and "just pushing through struggles"

I don't have violent and/or screaming meltdowns

now: reasons why I am FUCKING OBVIOUSLY autistic and not secretly faking:

I mask all the damn time. if I didn't mask, I'd constantly stim, make weird noises, etc in public

There is exactly one person I feel comfortable being myself around, which is my boyfriend who is probably autistic too. I am like 98% sure he is. we communicate through meowing mote often than I'd like to admit lmao

I stim. all. the. time. In public I try to be subtle but it's still there. I do the feet rubbing against each other, vocal stims, biting my lips, pulling my hair (gently, not actually pulling it out), cracking knuckles, rubbing fingers against each other, etc etc etc

special interests. I mean they get blurry with hyperfixations sometimes, but my obsession with Warrior Cats, The Big Bang Theory, horses and Pokémon is on a different level. I always was like this, after I watched LotR for the first time, it became my whole personality for five fucking years. I watched the movies over 20 times each and the Hobbit around 10-15 times. same with BBC Sherlock and Supernatural (the later is still ongoing, the others have faded over time).

I love love LOVE repeating things. it's most noticable with what I watch, I'm currently on my 30th or something run of TBBT. same with routine, although that's less noticable, cause I don't have a set daily routine - but in my head, I always plan like a week ahead and I fucking hate sudden changes in my plans. and by "sudden" I mean four days or less of mental preperation time.

ugh eye contact. I just. can't. social situations in general, I feel so fucking uncomfortable unless it's with people I 100% trust (or if my boyfriend is with me, then I feel safe too)

I could eat the same 10 foods allllll the time. I do like trying new things because cooking is fun but it needs to be under my control and I need to plan it out in my head. and I simply won't ever get tired of chicken nuggets, pasta and pizza.

sensory issues UGH- light too bright, sounds too loud, texture to ewww - you name it. high-pitched beeping noises make me go nuts, they fucking hurt my brain, they're the worst but there are other bad ones.

I have ADHD and had severe depression and anxiety in my teenage years and also was bullied, which isn't criteria but indicators, so...

I have pretty damn high scores on any autism test I take. every single one, even when I downplay my symptoms.

this is all I can think of for now, I might add on in the future

#actually autistic

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nobodysdaydreams · 10 months

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An Introduction Post (plus a note on tagging)

💕Name: My name is Nobody (or Bods as @sophieswundergarten has named me. Obviously not my real name, but it’s the name I’m using here). I was formerly @nobody33333333, so if you're looking for that person, that could be me.

💕Pronouns: she/her

💕 Please Note: I am Christian and will occasionally reblog posts about that, but many of my mutuals and followers have religious trauma and respectfully don’t want to see that so I tag those posts “#Christianity” so that those here for fandom content can enjoy my fandom posts without seeing stuff they don’t want to see. If you don’t want to see these posts, please block the tag. Fair warning if you scroll backwards I used to tag those posts “tw religion” but this led to some confusion (my tagging system is a mess, I’m sorry). I also frequently tag posts with #catholic/#catholicism so feel free to block those tags as well, but #christianity is the one I plan to use consistently because it covers reblogs from my Protestant mutuals.

💕Current Projects and Things:

I have an AO3 which can be found here.

The main fic I’m working on expands on the Mysterious Benedict Society season 3 lore/content after the Disney+ cancellation, and I have some other TMBS fics on there as well. You can also find some of my tumblr TMBS au scribblings here, some of which are under #mbs Au (sorry my tag game is awful).

I also reacted to Wolf359 and you can find my reactions under the tag “#Bods Wolf359 Reactions”. I’ve also started adding some works to my AO3.

I’ve also posted about Starkid/Hatchetverse under “#hatchetverse theory”.

💕Blog Content and Fandoms: This isn't an exclusively fandom blog, but I post a lot about the Mysterious Benedict Society (MBS/TMBS), Wolf359 Podcast, Narnia, Avatar the Last Airbender (ATLA), Star Wars, Starkid/Hatchetverse, Mischief Theater, and probably more. I'll update this post as hyperfixations are collected and resurfaced, but this is mostly an MBS blog right now.

I'm also neurodivergent and occasionally talk about that too. It's fine if you have questions about it, and you're also free to respectfully disagree with any head canons or fandom opinions I have, but please don’t be hateful or ableist. I also mistype things sometimes (a lot) so if you’re ever confused, feel free to ask.

💕Communication Preferences: Always down for DMs or asks from anyone about anything, I only request that you are nice and respectful. The creator of this blog is about to get busier, so if you send an ask, tag me in something, or leave a comment, please know that sometimes it takes me a while to get back to you, and it's always fine to send me a reminder. If I never respond, I promise I don't hate you, I just have a terrible memory and forgot.

💕DNI: Most of the fandoms I'm in and write fic for are made for general audiences, so please no NSFW content (I tend to just block if it’s on my dash because it’s really not for me). And no bullying or hate speech of any kind. This is meant to be a fun fandom blog, and I don't support or condone that behavior.

#I hope I’m doing this correctly #Better late than never #Introduction post #pinned post #pinned intro #intro post #blog intro #Bods fanfic

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etherealising · 10 months

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Ok, I’m putting it here so I’m not making a massive reblog thread. BUT theories about the ‘how Mikey feels about Baby’ question. See I don’t wanna tell you cos I’m probably a million miles off base and have just let my brain run away with itself. I am having a stressful week though so your story is my current hyperfixation slash distraction.

Soooo, maybe, big MAYBE, I feel like the way the Mikey x Baby relationship looks to start with it’s kinda more than a friendship but not a romantic relationship. But my theory/speculation is that Mikey’s feelings for Baby may have deepened over the years which is kind of tragic. Like, he loved her even though he knew she had never gotten over Carmy and he never felt like he was good enough for her anyway. Like he thought she was pure and good and we know that he thought the worst of himself. I don’t think their relationship was ever actually romantic but maybe it was kinda co-dependant. They relied on each other for all of their emotional needs and support. I feel like that night he may have called her to tell her that he loved her and he was sorry and that it wasn’t her fault. I feel like maybe Richie apologising to Baby over and over is reflective of him knowing that relationship was more complicated/deep than ‘just friends’.

You are so sweet for indulging my rambles about this! I hope you’re enjoying writing this. I really appreciate you sharing your work. 💕

no because why am i crying while reading this oh my goodness i need time to come to terms with this 😭

this is such a beautifully heartbreaking theory and i love it to pieces my goodness i have no words!

i love love this theory like the angst of it all has me foaming at the mouth (i’m such a masochist)

it would add another layer to this whole story and make everything so much more complicated, like imagine richie having to hold onto that secret for this whole time.

but then what if like mikey just loves the idea of baby, like she’s his little sister, but he loves the idea of having what baby and carmy have (without all the drama) and constantly seeing carmy fuck over baby just makes mikey appreciate her so much more that from the outside looking in it DOES seem like he’s in love with her.

UGH THIS IS TOO MUCH!!! okay i can’t give anything away but oh my goodness i love sharing theories back and forth it is so fun!!!

THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME!!!! it’s interactions like these that truly help me to continue loving this fic, and the community it has built. my ask box is always open you can ramble all you want! and it doesn’t even have to be about this fic!

i’m happy to be able to provide you a distraction from reality. that’s why i write, everyone deserves a world they can escape into for a while and i’m so happy this fic is that for you.

stop by and say hi anytime, i’ll always answer!! 💜

#all i ever knew only you ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊#vee answers °•. ✿ .•°#[aiekoy] asks #no because this theory mentally fucked me up #like in an alternate universe i do believe mikey had feelings for baby #like maybe they were endgame in another universe #i still don’t know where this is going #but i am so in love with the community this fic has created

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secret-strawberry · 1 year

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tagged by @palewhitehorse to do these! thank you!!

What book are you currently reading? like 3 at once that I got for Christmas but mostly The Gun Seller by Hugh Laurie. it's a comedy spy novel which doesn't sound like a genre i'd be into but so far i am enjoying myself a lot i think it's hilarious lol

What’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year? this has made me realize that i don't think i saw any movies in the theatre this year?? what??? well. i've been watching the Scream movies for the first time at home and i like them!

What do you usually wear? i'd say a hoodie and jeans is my go-to

How tall are you? 5'6!

What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? virgo; i was born the day hurricane katrina started

Do you go by your name or a nick-name? i use L online now which my discord friends call me sometimes. yes i got it from death note but I like it as a second name because it's very gender

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child? i wouldn't say i'm completely grown up yet but no, my plans have changed quite a bit from when I wanted to be a pediatrician. i want to be a psychologist now :)

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one? nope! i had a crush on this guy a while ago after we talked for like an hour while waiting in the airport but it left once i realized i didn't actually know much about him- i think my mind constructed someone to fixate on because it was bored 💀

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at? i'm going to half-copy vi and say i'm good at editing prose/writing essays but i'm horrible at following through with projects due to losing interest/motivation </3

Dogs or cats? in theory, cats, but i've never had one so i couldn't say if i'd end up preferring that to dog ownership

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year? hmmm. i like this line from my poem "On Love that will Outlive Me" about a girl who takes on the ocean as her (metaphorical?) lover: "I suppose I was selfish in choosing you. When I'm gone, I will not feel the loss of it." But I don't really have favorite lines individually; usually what I'm most proud of is a paragraph of nice description or a piece that ties up a theme neatly. My favorite piece I did this year (technically still a WIP but) is a short story called "Someone Still Loves You" because it explores the concept of community grief.

What’s something you would like to create content for? as you can probably tell by my ao3 lol i love writing for light and L because their relationship is so weird that it's fun to explore. also, i feel comfortable with their characters because i know them well (or i like to think i do)-- so any franchise that matches those two qualifiers i would love to dive into as well (house md, for example!)

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with? sherlock holmes is my current fixation; it's not as intense as my House M.D phase but lately I've been really interested in reading all of the original stories and watching CBS' Elementary. i think i'll probably do Columbo next.

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year? i'm not sure, i guess my birthday? i didn't end up celebrating because it was right around the time that 2 of my close friends moved away and i had to cut off another one ,,, yikes

What’s a hidden talent of yours? not sure if this qualifies as a talent but people always seem shocked when they find out i know American Sign Language (HUGE hyperfixation during middle school, i went through 5 courses online and self-taught)

Are you religious? not anymore!

What’s something you wish to have at this moment? mm peaches (i'm playing animal crossing)

these questions were great :D i'm going to tag @ceeingstars, @bemorekleinman, @akireu-13, @mxoreo, and @random-blep if y'all feel like doing this, but no pressure!

#speaking into the ether

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xjumbled-up-brainx · 2 years

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Introduction: Hello!

I downloaded tumblr specifically for Octonauts content. Yep. I’m in highschool, definitely old enough to not be in the Octonauts main audience. I watched the show as a small child and have came back with an intense hyperfixation. Facts about me:

My name is Xena, they/them and I’m AroAce. Gifted kid burnout currently, miniatures collector and obsessive organizer. My favorite song is Little Dark Age by MGMT. Some favorite TV shows and such are Octonauts, both Venom movies, Moon Knight, Merlin, Agents of Shield, Community, Umbrella Academy, Good Omens, The Good Place, Psych, and What We Do In The Shadows. I am also a Ryguyrocky fan, another instance where it was nostalgic and I got back into it very deeply, undergoing the task of rewatching every single video. I really like sautéed spinach and potatoes, now the important stuff: Octonauts facts :)

I am an Honorary Octonaut from a meet and greet with Kwazii and Barnacles (I’ve got a certificate and everything he signed it himself) :>

Favorite Great Barrier Reef song: Trouble on the Reef

Favorite Gup/Gup theme song: Gup X I’m trying to get it as my ringtone

Favorite Octonaut and Octo-Agent: Shellington and Pearl

Least favorite character: I can’t stand Pinto, honestly I prefer Hugo and that’s saying something. I want a follow up episode to show Hugo character redemption.

The first episode I ever saw was the Narwhals. I had a old leap pad with the Flying Fish, Whale Shark, and Monster Map episodes downloaded so I practically know those episodes word for word.

I have all the books except for the Growing Goldfish, my favorite is the Frown Fish. I really want a little spinoff or special episodes where they go on the book adventures. I know they involve not real animals and are whimsical but it would be adorable.

I own a majority of the figurines and Gups. Gonna make some custom figures too with my duplicates.

I can’t pick a favorite episode, but Operation Cooperation is rather fruity so there’s that. I love all the movies equally they are all amazing and honestly better than most older audience movies. I do love the character development in The Caves of Sac Actun though.

I have a TikTok account, xjumbled_up_brainx : that is for edits and videos :D

I’d like to get some ideas out of my jumbled up brain and this seems like a good place. I suck at art but I have so many ideas it annoys me quite a lot, but I do enjoy writing. I love headcannons and theories, so that might be the majority I post. Well wishes to you!

#octonauts

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somethingforsenro · 1 year

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to whom it may concern

it's about rassicas… kinda… but really just an excuse to ramble about headcanons.

~ { • • • } ~

hey, so… fair disclosure.

firstly, this is gonna ramble on for a long, long time. so, if you don't have it in you to do a stupid amount of reading… oue deeply apologize.

secondly, this isn't anything serious. it's not about to be eggman's announcement 2, making a call-out post on tumblr.com. so, if you're hoping for anything actually important, you should probably check out now.

this is just the ramblings of yet another autistic person currently hyperfixating on splatoon. that's all.

also, oue actually really like rassicas. if it weren't for their noble sacrifices of blood, sweat, and tears (that are definitely NOT made of ink), there would be countless millions living their whole lives never knowing that there was some developer interview, somewhere, that never got translated out of japanese, where someone said that some of the younger octolings on the surface, might, maybe, be starting to forget that they are, in fact, octolings, and how could we ever live without that knowledge?

in all seriousness, though, they're singlehandedly carrying the entire splatoon theory community on their back every day. "ceo of splatoon lore" is right.

on that note, oue would personally put a teeny-tiny asterisk on that very impressive resume. let's talk about it!

~ { • • • } ~

so, if you've ever talked to the average young-ish squid person fan, you probably have a good idea of the sort of ignorance rassicas is fighting on a daily basis with all that translating.

people can get pretty defensive of their canon-that's-actually-fanon. it says in the english localization of the game, after all, that marina lived in the ‘ruthless oppression of octarian society, that was definitely caused entirely by dj octavio, and this is totally a direct quote’.

sometimes, they don't really BELIEVE you, or at least don't WANT to believe you, when you tell them that maybe they're wrong.

trust ous. oue know. people have insisted to ous, very heatedly, that marie is agent 1 and callie is agent 2. even though they're definitely not. even noa got THAT part right.

point is, there comes a time when you have to put your foot down and say in no uncertain terms that no, hypnotized octolings are NOT canon to splatoon jp. among other things.

but this is where oure problem lies. not to say that this is by any means an intentional action on ki's part, or at all what they intend to tell people – in fact, oue're pretty sure they've said the exact same thing oue're about to say in several of their oft-referenced yt videos…

but it seems like SOME people haven't gotten the message, so…

just because it's not canon doesn't mean you can't headcanon it.

“now, hold on, senro,” oue hear you saying, “i am but a wee raccoon, surfing the seven cyber-seas, borne of the waves of tumblopolis. i don't know what a ‘headcanon’ is. it sounds like a foul, black magic to me – which is exactly why i must know just what you mean.”

thank you, captain raccoon. oue will explain what a headcanon is.

in case anyone doesn't know, a headcanon is something that isn't really a fact within the universe, but you think it's cool, so you choose to believe it's true, anyway. these are normal things that pretty much anyone with opinions can make up about the stuff they're passionate about, and splatoon is no exception.

and, yes. ‘hypnotized octolings’ does, in fact, qualify as a headcanon. as long as you acknowledge, in some deep, dank, dark part of your soul, that it's not really been confirmed by nintendo – actively contradicted, in fact – that octolings are hypnotized…

well, you're not gonna hurt anyone. except octavio, maybe. but then again, he seems to have absolutely no qualms with brainwashing them all a different way by constantly blasting propaganda at them 24/7, so maybe not even he would care.

on that note, the rest of this post will just be ous rambling about oureselves and oure own personal headcanons. if some demonic force somehow possesses you to care, you can read on, but if not… woe befall all ye who enter here.

~ { • • • } ~

as an author, and a roleplayer, oue personally like to mix together little ideas from various sources to make one greater whole. for example:

splatoon jp's ‘octolings are not immune to propaganda, and the octarian species's survival is existentially threatened’

splatoon en's ‘modern octarian society is very oppressive, and modern octavio and craig are both bumbling idiots – how the hell did they even get here’

splatoon community fanon, like ‘octolings are hypnotized just like callie, and the calamari inkantation can overpower it’

the shiny things that other people came up with and oue snatched up, like ‘callie is actually really emotionally attached to her shades because they give her a kind of emotional stability that she usually doesn't get’

oure own personal thoughts, like ‘the shooting off of the Hypnoshades gave callie a dissociative identity who acts exactly like her hypnotized self did; their name is Aori, and they are her Big Momma Bear that helps her be more assertive and emotionally independent than she was in the Squid Sisters Stories. also, the Hypnoshades are literally a sentient fucking being that marie is casually imprisoning in a cabinet drawer, its name is hypnos and its pronouns are it/they/she AND it somehow needs even MORE therapy than callie does!’

as you might be able to tell from all that, it's a pretty hectic mix. it's chaotic, it's messy, and to less knowledgeable friends, oue often have trouble communicating which stuff is jp canon, eng canon, fanon, or headcanon.

(because, let's face it, those are all completely different beasts. they overlap at times, yes, but you're never gonna get anything even vaguely coherent if you try to make them all the same.)

however, oue mix stuff together anyway. not out of any malicious desire to mislead, but because it's just more fun to write that way. and, honestly, what's the point of being in this community if you never let yourself have any fun?

so, on that note…

a little advice.

~ { • • • } ~

if you want to know the japanese localization's lore, go to literally any content by rassicas, or watch jexst's ‘exhaustively comprehensive explanation of the splatoon series's main story (with timeline)’.

if you want to know the english localization's lore, look up "splatoon iceberg" and get ready for something absolutely off-the-walls. the upper layers tend to have a lot of popular fanon, too, so be ready for that. either way, it's not a good iceberg unless they mention THE TOFU and pearl's octo form at some point.

and if you want to hear the stuff that various people like you have come up with, look no further than right here on tumblr! there are plenty of super creative headcanons to be found here just by doomscrolling, and you don't even have to traumatize yourself for life quite as much as you would on twitter or amino!

on that note… oue're so sorry that you had to subject yourself to this post.

also, toodle pip, and thanks for reading!

#splatoon #splatoon 2 #writers on tumblr #octoling

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godlesslostsoul · 6 months

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Introduction

about

My name is godless and I use any pronouns. I'm very neurospicy and also very queer. I'm currently an university student whose studying various forms of media. I'm a spoonie. I am pagan, more specifically an omnist (which means I believe every religion is correct, but no religion 100% correct).

Safe space for all except for those who want to make it feel unsafe. No hate or aggression allowed.

I'll constantly be updating the following:

current hyperfixations: academics, ocean, and Godzilla current disruption: fatigue + back pain

special interests

Media, Neurodivergence, Ocean, Witchcraft, Spirituality, Mythology, Storytelling, Communication Studies, Research

hyperfixations

Film, Spoon Theory, SHARKS, Superheroes (DC & Marvel), Percy Jackson, Star Wars, Star Trek, Watcher Entertainment, Buzzfeed Unsolved, Pokémon, Resident Evil, The Hunger Games, Cyberpunk 2077, Batman: Arkham Series, The Walking Dead, The Legend of Zelda, Criminal Minds, Tarot, Godzilla, Dinosaurs, Character Arcs, Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing

personality

INFJ-T, 6w5

Scorpio☀️, Capricorn🌙, Virgo⬆️

Peter Parker Variant

Cabin 3 - Poseidon

tags

Nerd Moments of Godless

Neurodivergent Thoughts of Godless

Character Arc Ramblings

Hyperfixations (this one is a rabbit hole)

#introductory post #blog intro #adhd #autism #audhd #godless is being a nerd leave me alone #godless is being weird don’t worry about it #godless is having neurodivergent thoughts #godless will read in 2024 it’s a requirement #godless is a spoonie #chaotic adventures of jamie and godless #godless chats

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noperopesaredope · 1 year

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Guys

I have a problem

So I have a little town inside my head I like to call Blorboville. It’s where all my blorbos live inside my head, and each of them have different ranks for my top blorbos. So, for a long time now, Varian has been my number one blorbo of all time. No matter how intense another hyperfixation lasts, he has remained #1 as my most special.

He has been a prominent figure in Blorboville, and has helped new blorbos adjust to the Blorbohood. He’s just generally been an upstanding member of the community. He has so many traits that I adore. and I love him so much. I would die for him. Nobody could even come close to topping or defeating him, and he’s basically the leader of the place, setting an example for everyone. He has reigned undefeated for years now, and it’s been thought that no one could ever truly take his place. Everything was mostly in balance, and all were satisfied.

Then the Collector suddenly came bursting into Blorboville for the first time, and immediately challenged Varian for the title of my #1 Blorbo. So the two have started battling for true control over my brain.

And the worst part is? The Collector is kinda winning. Not due to his power set, but due to all the reason I could possibly love them even more than Varian. He’s got the tragic backstory, he’s even more adorable, he’s actually a pretty interesting and intimidating antagonist, he’s got too many mental health issues to count, he’s a sympathetic antagonist (who the show actually treats properly), he’s got a cool design, and I could rant about him for hours on end! Also, he’s a child and I can adopt him.

They’ve got the same skillset Varian has, particularly in the tragic “villainy” part, but they’re also a bit easier to defend whilst still being scary. He’s perfect for me in every way possible.

Now, I don’t think anyone could ever truly defeat Varian as my most special little guy. But I think that there are gonna be some changes in how things are run in my brain. The Collector may be winning as my #1 blorbo, but he honestly shouldn’t be put in charge of anything, and Varian is generally a more experienced blorbo who knows how things work and can actually lead the others. He has their respect, and he’s been #1 blorbo since before many of my current blorbos even entered my brain. Varian also fits the majority of my preferences in an adoptable blorbo, and he’s a good representitive for many of my favs.

And whilst I can write so many fanfics and mini essays about the Collector, Varian is a bit more fun for me to write/rant about. Varian is just generally the best leader for my blorbos, and he gets them. So he will likely remain the leader of Blorboville and the face of my blorbos. Meanwhile, the Collector will fulfill the role of being one of my special interests. They will be the one I am constantly fixating on. They will be the one I talk and fangirl a lot about.

But those are more my theories on what will happen. Right now it is currently a warzone and I’m scared.

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bedboat · 1 year

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honestly, for me the biggest tell that someone else is autistic and/or adhd is when I don't feel like I have to explain to them that I am in order to be understood.

a result of the pandemic bubble living has been that I essentially forgot what allistic people are, couldn't comprehend a neurotypical. keep asking my partner for examples and then being confused, like "but what do they do with themselves? what does not having special interests or hyperfixations look like? .......... what makes their lives good, to them???" /perplexed

then some medical stuff happened and I had to interact with a whole mixed bag of strangers, and was like "ok, I just never remember them beyond a sense of terrible miscommunication anxiety/frustration/etc"

allistic/non-adhd ppl (i dont feel like "allistic adhd" makes sense; from all i have studied/observed/experienced, i currently agree w the theory that adhd spec and autism spec are different parts of a bigger, magnificent spectrum. i definitely still believe it's worth having different ways to identify within this/these spectrums, i find it useful to have language for differentiating between the many gradients, from the more recognized patterns to the total wildcard unlikelies! ...anyway. where were we)

.idr where i was going. smth abt allistics always needing so much particular spelling out and hand holding to understand us when we communicate. many add a layer of social expectation that often results in frustration at being repeatedly misunderstood or ignored, anxiety around how to prevent that, exhaustion from the efforts to script in ways that get the correct point across, despair when it doesnt seem to work.

and then another neurodivergent weirdo comes along and just understands you and/or knows to clarify when they dont, and the relief is just wild

glad i know so many ppl i dont have script for, glad im getting to deprogram my anxiety fueled auto-scripting.

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smallandterriblyafraid · 1 year

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…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ ◅

<:3)~

(Updated Saturday, December 3rd, 2022, 4:12 PM) - LoM

[Disclaimer: Due to formatting, some of the text may be difficult for some to read. If you find that that is the case please let me know and I'll do my best to fix it immediately! Also, most of this is copied over from my main account so I don't have to type everything twice, so if something looks familiar, it probably is! I hope this doesn't cause too much trouble!]

Hi there, I'm LoM! I use singular they/them pronouns but may grant permission to use other pronouns to people I am extremely close to. I speak English (🇺🇲/🇬🇧) and conversational French (🇫🇷), and am learning Welsh (🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿), so feel free to talk to me in any of those languages! Taken by my lovely girlfriend, so I'd prefer for people to avoid coming onto me, but I am okay with joking flirting (like "kissing the homies goodnight" or "marriage for tax benefits") as long as it's just for laughs! On principle I won't turn off anon asks ever but if you're a jerk I'll steal all of your left shoes and right socks. My main blog is @toosmallformyowngood , and my agere sideblog is @thesmallestofall, so feel free to check those out too! That's all I can think of for now but I'll probably update some things later!

My current hyperfixations are:

- Resident Evil: Village (and a bit of RE 7)

- CoD Modern Warfare 2 (specifically annoying the gamerbros lmao)

- Overwatch (Yes I live in shame over this)

- Anything SCP related

- Also anything Lobotomy Corp related

- Pokémon (Train guys are so skrunkly)

- Fallout [NV & 4]

- Anything TTRPG (D&D, WH2k, etc)

- Uhhh probably something else I'm forgetting

- Also I might talk about my OCs from time to time (I'm sorry)

Please note that I do not take requests at the moment. Suggestions by mutuals or other close friends maybe, but even then anything I write would be in headcanon format. I'm not that confident in my writing skills, nor am I confident in my ability to maintain a semi-coherent schedule, so for the time being I'm just shitposting for the sake of having fun. If you want to talk to me though, I'm all for it! I love sharing ideas back and forth (and just human interaction in general).

Anyway! Here's the specially coded comma that can go in the tags: ‚

And now on to other things;

DNI list below the cut! (In no particular order)

🚫 DNI if you: 🚫

Are rac.ist, homo.phobic, trans.phobic, bi.phobic, pan.phobic, able.ist, aro/ace exclusionary, or any other form of xeno.phobic

Think that poly.am people aren't part of the lgbtqia+ community (They are, die mad about it.)

Are a N.S.F.T blog (Jokes, art, artistic photography, writing, and fandom stuff are fine tho. It's just the irl stuff and only.fans links I'm shying away from)

Are a t.erf/rad.fem/etc (Tradwife stuff is fine so long as you aren't pushing it on anyone else. Everyone has a different vision for what they want their personal future to look like and yours is valid too, so long as you're not on "a woman's place" and all that bullshit.)

Are a practicing M.AP (People with intrusive thoughts can stay, though. It's not your fault that your brain is giving you icky thoughts when all you want is for it to shut up; my only qualm is with people who either see no wrong in the action, or do and go through with it any way.)

Support J.K. Row.ling and or her works. Please read literally any other book. It's not even that good.

Are anti-endo (I won't tolerate invalidating other's identities and lived experience, sorry)

Are anti age.re/pet.re, etc

Vilify mental illness

Don't support neopronouns (Including emoji pronouns.)

Are anti it/it's pronouns

Are a T.rump supporter, anti.masker, c.ovid denier, etc. Your conspiracy theories are not welcome here

Are an Oni.sion stan (Kind of pedantic I know but the dude sucks to the nth degree, so-)

Crosstag posts with both strictly N.S.F.T and sfw tags (Mistakes are fine as long as it's just a genuine slip up and you do your best to correct it. We're all human and sometimes accidents happen, but doing it on purpose or leaving it up after being told the issues is a no go.)

Are anti.-choice/pro.-life

Are anti free healthcare, food, water, etc

Think autism and related quirks need a "cure" (I'm all for personal choice if the "cure" was a pill or shot but currently the "cure" is eug.enics which I am not about)

Think DNI lists are bad or a waste of time

That's all I can think of for now. However, with that said…

✅ Do interact if you: ✅

Are a roleplay/gimmick/character blog, or anything like that! I love talking to you guys! You're cool! Also seeing how this is my fandom sideblog, it matches the theme

Have OCs. Tell me about them! I love hearing about people's characters!

See a fandom on here you like? Please talk to me I crave interaction so badly-

That's all for now! See you later! <3

#comma ‚ tag #pinned post #about me #dni list

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expandyu · 1 year

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Surprise! another special interest

I thought I knew myself and my special interests pretty well. Sure, I spent most of my life unaware of them until after my diagnosis when I realized I have had a life-long (yet evolving) interest in fiction and storytelling. But I had figured that out already. And I was aware of my interest in productivity since that inspired this blog and coaching business. Most other things were mere passing fancies... Or if my therapist is right, hyperfixations.

So I felt pretty confident that "autistic with a special interest in communication" while interesting and very understandable, did not describe me. That is, until I spent the evening of Thanksgiving practically giving a lecture to my uncle about different styles of conversation, and how people can have strong preferences for one or the other, and how that was showing up in our family dynamics. And then on the ride home I broke out laughing at the realization that boy, I was wrong. I definitely have a special interest in communication.

The thing that always trips me up is the stereotypes. Special interests are often represented by all-consuming and encyclopediadic knowledge on a particular subject, or alternatively, an ever growing collection of a particular thing. Or in many cases both. And for many autistics, that is pretty spot on. But my special interests have never looked like that (for a variety of reasons that I will speak with my therapist about).

I definitely do infodump on any unsuspecting person who humors me just a second too long about the current piece of fiction that I'm obsessed with, or my latest theory about why communicating is so damn difficult across neurotypes. Oh, there it is again. It seem so obvious now.

Part of why I never suspected it is because I've never really had much interest in studying it in any "serious" way. But the more I think about it, that probably has more to do with my ambivalence toward higher education and mainstream forms of study. Just like I considered going to graduate school for fiction writing and then decided against it, I've also in many ways rejected any kind of formal education around things that I am passionate about. Probably because it feels unnecessarily restrictive.

But I delight in learning from my peers, from first-hand accounts, especially in the realm of neurodivergence and particularly autism. Because theories cooked up by an autistic person are often incredibly insightful and well-thought out. Because on the topic of existing as an autistic person in a neurotypical world, who better to analyze it than an overly-analytic autistic person who's lived their whole life trying to figure it all out?

So I'm delighted to collect theories and models from other autistic people and slowly put together my own theories and models of how it all fits together. And it's beyond fascinating to apply these models to my everyday life and find that they fit and they shine light on things that made no sense before or that I'd never even thought about.

It makes sense that autism, communication, and productivity are things that I landed on as special interests. These are all things I've struggled to understand but needed to understand so badly. And now I'm just fascinated by what I've found.

It makes sense that I've rejected formal education about them, because the way I like to learn is immersion and application, and models instead of canon.

I was wrong about myself. How fun it is to learn something new about me.

#actually autistic #special interest #communication #autistic communication

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snailsnfriends · 3 years

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Dream SMP and the Effects of Grimdark Media: An Essay

Hello! For those who don’t me, I am snail, and I have been interested in the Dream SMP since October, but joined the Tumblr community not too long ago. As a writer and actor myself, the work of those on the Dream SMP has absolutely blown me away. However, I and others have noticed a trend in the writing of the Dream SMP: a good sum of it is very grimdark, and I began to notice people really feeling the effects of that, and I wanted to look more deeply into it, and how that can be altered.

NOTE: I am completely aware that all of the writers on the Dream SMP are amateurs, and likely do not have any sort of “training” other than what they were taught in school. I would not be critiquing the writing of the Dream SMP if I did not believe that it could be “fixed.” Later in this essay, I offer suggestions to “fix” the problem that I’m bringing up. All references to factual information used in this essay will be linked at the end.

Now, before we can talk about the Dream SMP and its writing, first we need to figure out what grimdark media is and how that affects those who watch it.

What is grimdark media?

According to the google the definition of grimdark is “(of fiction, especially fantasy fiction) characterized by disturbing, violent, or bleak subject matter and a dystopian setting.”

So now that we’ve established what grimdark is, how does depressing media, or any form of media for that matter, affect our emotions as the viewer?

As we are consuming any form of media, whether it’s a movie, a TV show, a book, a podcast, a live theatrical performance, or a Dream SMP lore stream, we as the viewers are completely aware that what we are watching is purely fictional, and that those who are performing are acting. None of the events are real, none of the characters are real, and none of the settings are real.

So why do we react so heavily to certain moments? Why do we cry during heavy lore streams if we know that none of it is real?

A lot of it has to do with the human capacity to feel empathy/sympathy. Empathy allows us to understand the experiences of others, even complete strangers. Sympathy, on the other hand, allows us to share the feelings and/or emotions of others. As we are consuming media, we are aware that all of it is fake, but we still feel empathy and/or sympathy for the characters. So much so that a physical response, such as crying, is a result.

Even though the characters of the Dream SMP are not real, a lot of their characters’ responses to traumatic events ARE, so we as an audience sympathize with them heavily. For example, c!Tommy shows very clear signs of PTSD after being killed by Dream, such as extreme emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds the victim of the event (c!Tommy freaking out after taking fall damage), trying to avoid discussing the even or avoiding activities, people, and places that remind the victim of the event (c!Tommy refusing to go into depth about what happened to him), memory problems (does not really remember how long he was dead for), easily startled, always on guard, extremely irritable, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior, and difficulty keeping close relationships (his current relationship with c!Tubbo).

Even though we as an audience know that c!Tommy and his experiences aren’t real, his reactions to these experiences are realistic, and can be relatable to a lot of viewers, those with PTSD and those without (which is why it is VERY important to be careful with your word choice when discussing these characters; this connects with the problem of villainizing characters with mental illnesses, but that’s another topic for another day). We as viewers empathize with c!Tommy because it is likely that we have reacted the same way to traumatic events, and we understand them fully. They may remind us of our past and/or current selves, so we react emotionally to them.

We as people also mirror the reactions and emotions of others. If someone starts to cry, real or fictional, it’s likely that you will as well. If someone is angry, you will likely get angry as well. This is not odd, and is very normal for humans to do. Regardless, getting angry or crying are emotional responses, and will hurt you in some way.

Another thing to note is that this fandom is made up of mostly minors, and some of the most traumatized characters on the Dream SMP are also minors. It can be hard to watch kids your own age go through so much, even fictional ones. As an adult, it can be just as hard to watch these young kids go through so much, especially when you try to compare those characters to who you were at their ages.

Even those who have not gone through these events will likely sympathize with these characters heavily because what they have gone through is emotionally heavy. Because of all of this, watching heavy lore streams can have a negative effect on a viewer’s mental health.

Okay, so why is the Dream SMP storyline at the moment so dark and angsty? Why do people keep engaging with it if it is negatively affecting their mental health?

This sort of “angst spiral” of sorts is usually something I notice in fanworks such as fanart or fanfiction. It is sometimes a lot more fun to write or draw heavy, emotional moments, and they garner more attention.

It sort of goes like this: the plot has a normal amount of angst in it for the story, and at this point it is balanced with more happy or “fluffy” content, the angst gets more attention from fans, the writer (or in the case of the Dream SMP, writers) notice this and write more angst as a response but it is still bearable, the audience feeds off of this heavily and create more fanart/fanfiction/theories based on it, writer really notices this and (understandably) comes to the conclusion that angst/grimdark things are the best/easiest way to get the audience excited for the plot, the plot gets very very grimdark and is not balanced out with any upbeat moments, random angst plots are started with no real ending in sight despite that not being the original plan for the character/plot (feet are too small for the big shoes) and the rare upbeat moments are short/not given any attention, and at this point, it can be almost unbearable to watch because the plot has become too grimdark. Once we reach this point, or even a few before it, it can cause a big toll on the viewers’ mental health.

The reason why someone who has been negatively affected by the grimdark content of the Dream SMP may still watch it is because the Dream SMP has not always been this way, and the writers have proven that they can do upbeat/fluffy content, so they keep watching. A big example of this is the Disc War Finale. Although the first half of it was more angsty, the final parts where everyone came together to put c!Dream in jail and to protect c!Tommy and c!Tubbo was upbeat and even a bit cathartic to watch. C!Tommy and c!Tubbo sitting on the bench, listening to their discs together in the end was much needed for the audience. This can even be seen in smaller examples, like c!Tommy exclaiming, “I’m free!” while flying around with c!Dream’s trident, or c!Tubbo and c!Ranboo adopting Michael and getting married.

The Dream SMP also may be someone’s hyperfixation, so they are unable to simply stop watching.

So now that we know all of this, what can the writers of the Dream SMP do to fix this, and what can we as viewers do to help ourselves out?

As I said in the note before this essay, I will be citing examples of a more balanced lore/angst plot that the writers have shown that they are capable of doing.

The writers:

Make designated lore streams shorter

The best example of this is c!Tommy’s 25-30 minute prison streams. These streams were short, sweet, and to the point. We got all of the “lore” we needed quickly, and if you happened to miss it, it was easy to watch it back later. If the lore bits were too heavy to watch, then you would not be missing too much.

I know that this is definitely not always possible, so this is most likely the best way to go:

Balance out lore and funny bits in streams

Cc!Tommy’s last lore stream, pretty much all of the Pogtopia streams, and most of cc!Tubbo’s streams are like this. They are a mix of lore and funny moments where the CCs are actually speaking and joking with each other. These are a lot easier to watch because it is not heavy the entire time. The joking moments provide a break in between the angst, and it can also be used as a good way to remind the audience that the Dream SMP is purely fictional. These streams are also better for those who do not really care for the lore and would rather just watch the CCs mess around with each other.

For me, these funny moments are what caused me to fall in love with the Dream SMP and the creators behind it, and I know that the same applies to a lot of people in this fandom. I think this would probably be the best way for the Dream SMP to operate around lore.

The viewers

Try to take a break from lore streams if it becomes too much

As I stated before, the Dream SMP is not real, but the characters’ reactions to events can be very realistic and hard to watch. If things become too much for you, try to take a break from it. Stop watching the stream, don’t go on social media if you follow stan accounts or Dream SMP dedicated blogs, and go do something that calms you down. If you feel that you’re feeling good enough to go back to the stream, go ahead! If not, then that’s completely okay too!

Follow lore recap accounts/blogs to stay up to date on the lore

The fear of missing lore streams is centered largely around missing something crucial. There are plenty of accounts on Twitter and blogs on Tumblr that recap lore streams so you can stay up to date on the plot without having to watch the streams.

The VODs will be there to watch later

If things are too much, remember that you do not have to watch the streams in real-time. You can always watch them later if you aren’t in the right headspace to watch them live.

Conclusion

The Dream SMP’s writing and acting is very impressive. The amount of awesome fanart, fanfiction, analysis posts, and other work is absolutely amazing. It is so cool that so many people enjoy this Minecraft roleplay so much. The amount of people who love it is good proof that the writers are doing an amazing job, and the amount of people having an emotional response to it shows the same thing. However, the amount of angst can be hard to watch and can put the writers in a tough spot to get out of.

I have a lot of faith in the writers of the Dream SMP, and I believe that it is possibly on the right track, with Tommy’s latest lore stream being an example of this. I really do think that the amount of grimdark content can be altered and streams can be easier and more fun to watch. Hopefully we’ll get a more mixed bag of lore and angst soon to make things more enjoyable for everyone involved.

Sources:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-moral-molecule/200902/why-we-cry-movies

https://www.vice.com/sv/article/exqgqm/why-do-we-cry-when-we-watch-films

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sympathy-empathy-difference

#dream smp #dreamsmp #dream smp analysis #dreamwastaken #c!dream #tommyinnit #c!tommy #tubbo #c!tubbo #ranboo #c!ranboo #long post #dream smp essay #snailtrail.slimes

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isa-ghost · 3 years

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JSE Renaissance Week Day 1

Started by @rogue-of-broken-time

Day 1 (June 25th): Interaction day. Let at least one person in the community know how much you appreciate them being here. Got any fun ask games to send around? Now’s the time. Even better if they’re JSE-related

*Stands upon my table of Fuckery with a big fucking megaphone*

YOU.

YOU READING THIS.

If you follow me?? And have?? For a while?? ESPECIALLY since 2017-2018??

This post is for YOU.

I was so insanely out of the loop when I was dragged into Hell on December 15th, 2017 aka fucking OVERNIGHT WATCH and I had NO PLANS to blow the fuck up somehow or anything. I was shocked my posts were even getting notes because I had no followers and I was mostly yelling incoherently while rifling through other blogs to figure out what the HAP was fuckening.

I’d previously only known Say Goodbye & KJSE existed. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ANTI HIJACKED PAX EAST, I THOUGHT THAT RECYCLED FOOTAGE/AUDIO WAS NEW, for some reason not connecting the dots that Sean didn’t have messy wavy dead grass lookin ass hair, he was freshly back to coffee bean. We’d barely even started yelling about how the egos would look with brown hair.

A special double thanks to Rogue, @fear-is-nameless, @huffletrax and a blog no longer existing for somehow coming across my dash for me to latch onto for Coherent, Aware Screaming since I was lost as hell and only knew the pretty glitch man was causing problems on purpose.

Without you guys, I’d never have pieced together things I did that night or anytime after, met my current best friends (besides you guys ;D) from our infamous group- Bunker #88720, or had so many more amazing people like @lum1natriix, @turquoisemagpie, @d-structive and so many other people I admire the absolute hell out of cross my dash and instantly steal a follow. Among other things. Overall, you guys completely curated my experience as a JSEC newborn and I am so insanely nostalgic for those times so often. Thank you guys, and any blog I followed sometime after that for exposing me to more awesome people, artists, gif creators/editors, writers, memelords and more. :) <3 You were all the best domino effect I could’ve asked for. Those of us who are mutuals, I’m so unbelievably happy you’re still here both in the community And on my blog.

And to everyone reading this who didn’t awaken my ass with Knowledge(tm) or theory fuel, oh my god why the fuck are you here. /lh j

Thank you guys for seeing something in me worth nuking your dash in absolute fucking chaos for. Whether you came for theories, my ego AUs, headcanons, little writing blurbs I occasionally shockingly fart out, the art I used to semi-frequently post, or my infamous unholy shitposts like the classic Anti/Cryptic Sean Insult List, every one of you- especially the ones who have been here since 2018 -have been a genuine confidence boost for me regardless of the content my weird stupid ass lured you into following me for.

New hyperfixations or not, I’m still here in the JSEC. I still love you guys, will make JSE content, and haven’t lost interest at all. And even if I were to, I’d still stick to you guys and appreciate anyone who stuck around this insanity pit of a blog.

This community is home. <3

#jacksepticeye #jse community #jse renaissance week

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castlesinchaos · 3 years

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I thought about making a separate tumblr for my current minecraft/dream smp hyperfixation, but then I remembered that I have shamelessly pumped superwholock/X-men/literally-any-obsession-I’ve-ever-had-regardless-of-time-spent-obsessing onto this blog since fuckin 2013 and the only thing that makes this one different is the fact that I’m not letting myself enjoy it unapologetically. :-/

Edit: I was going to leave it at that but I think I’m going to elaborate actually.

The biggest difference between the mcyt community, and all of the other fandoms/communities I’ve been a part of for so long is how old the communities themselves are, as well as the average age of the people in those fandoms. And in a lot of cases that’s what makes the dsmp/mcyt more toxic most of the time, especially (recently) for girls. Let me explain.

The minecraft YouTube community is obviously not a brand new thing. There’s creators like Grian, Mumbo Jumbo, even old server players like Tobuscus, hermit craft etc. But the thing about the Dream SMP community specifically, is that DSMP only got popular in the last year or so. Specifically, over quarantine the server grew exponentially, as did its fan base. This fan base, tends to be younger people (I’m talkin 14 and under), and is predominantly male for the majority of the content creators (especially for the “largest” creators on the server (ie, Dream, Tommy etc).

Now, I’m not saying this growth is bad. It absolutely is not, the creators have put in time and effort and care and it shows in the way they engage with their communities, in the way they put out for us, the way they have tried to create a safe space for their fans. But the problem with quick and exponential growth in a young fandom ESPECIALLY when that fandom consists of pretty young fans, is that a large part of that community is going to have little to no previous experience in a large fandom. (Now, this has much harsher consequences and can lead to a lot of risk for young fans who don’t necessarily realize the need the protect their identity/personal life from potential community predators, but that’s a post for another time), but the biggest consequence I see and experience from this sort of situation is fans not knowing/understanding what is acceptable in the fan space and the repercussions of their actions.

I’m talking specifically, in what tends to be male members of the community, the use of slurs or offensive language constantly, berating other fans who do x y or z (ie, people who only watch Dream for his speed runs/YouTube videos berating people who only watch him for DSMP/lore or Vice versa), more specific to the gaming community but male viewers not respecting or validating female content creators (don’t even get me started on the way Hannah, Niki and Puffy are treated and viewed by some fans), AND MOST IMPORTNATNTLY: toxicity surrounding how the fanbase engages or participates in the community. most of this happens inadvertently or without realization from the fans doing it.

This creates a VERY tense relationship both between female and male (and NB fans because there is a large portion of the NB community who watches mcyt/dsmp), and young and old fans. Women feel like they’re not welcome in the community, they are shamed for watching and participating in the communities, they are belittled and shamed for art/writing/any contribution to the fan base they make and at the end of the day it can be a VERY hostile place for female/NB fans.

Young fans don’t have a good example of how to act or respect (both content creators and fans) boundaries, they tend to be adverse to education on the things that they’re doing wrong, and often they will continue to behave as they do until someone they respect addresses their behavior. And the problem with a predominantly young fandom, is there isn’t a whole lot of older fans to do that correcting, and when there is young fans tend to have alienated them already and therefore don’t necessarily respect them.

I also want to address that I’m not saying this is only the case for the mcyt/dsmp community/fandom. I’m just saying the conditions that created the community (short timeframe, exponential growth, predominantly young and male audience) has contributed to current state of the community. Other fandoms also had periods like this, the main difference, and where it becomes more personal for me, is that these periods of growth and toxicity happened YEARS ago, and the community as well as the people who engage in it has “grown up” a bit, so to speak. When you look at shows like Doctor Who and Supernatural and Sherlock, those shows have all been going on for 10-15+ years and the fanbase has also grown with it, overall becoming a more welcoming place and a place where fan created content is appreciated by a lot of the fanbase. (It’s also important to note a key difference here between the physical consumption of mcyt/dsmp and traditional shows like DW/Sherlock/SPN, with the latter there’s a consistent hiatus that allowed for a huge influx of fan created content like art/writing/theories. A lot of the fan base came to rely on this content to fill the time until the “canon” returned. and in doing so that put a higher appreciation on fan content and creators (which tended to be predominantly female ((something that is also common for the dsmp community)), which overall contributed to the destigmatization and toxicity surrounding fan content.)

At the end of the day I’m not saying mcyt communities or the Dream SMP community is all bad, or even irrepairable. I am saying that as a female and LGBTQIA fan, I have inadvertently internalized some of the ultra toxic sentiment surrounding participation in things like fan art, fan theories, and general fan engagement, and I want to be comfortable sharing these things that interest me and keep me engaged in the community on my blog that I’ve had for 8 years with the same shameless enjoyment that I’ve lent to other fandoms, and I think we can get to that point, it’s just gunna take some self realization from the community. Thank you for coming to my ted talk :)

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