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the-guilty-writer · 1 year

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No one asked for this but it's too late now.

disabled/mentally ill/chronically ill child and which BAU parent would be the most accomodating.

(of course all of them would be supportive and do their best but some of them would be naturally more accomodating for certain things. Just trust me.)

Some of these are really specific and others are more general be kind please it was 2 am when I thought of this

Spencer- absolutely the best dad an autistic kid could ask for. He knows the signs before a meltdown and exactly what to do. If you're non verbal he learns sign language to help you, gets you stim toys based on what motor function you find the most soothing, and this man would be the biggest supporter of your special interests (really this needs no explaination. I could go on for hours about this)

JJ- a learning disability. Not only is she mama bear who will fight a teacher that critisized you but her whole job revolved around communicating well. She knows how to adjust and break things down and go slow. She would figure out the best way to accomodate you and follow through every time. You never have to worry about her losing her patience with you, she knows you need breaks, and she doesn't care what grade you get- she's just proud that you tried your hardest and got through it.

Penelope- Depression. Not only is this woman nearly impossible to be sad around, but Garcia understands sadness and grief and darkness. She doesn't like it, but she understands it and how awful it feels. She also understand that sometimes you just have to feel the feelings and not try to fix them right away. She's all sunshine and rainbows, but she knows you have to weather the storm first. She helps you get through it, slow and steady, but once it's time to get up and going she knows how to do that too.

Morgan- Any physical disabilty. This man would find the best house possible and then restore it and fit it with any ramp, handles, resizing, etc. you need. Would totally redo your dining room to be a first floor bedroom if you needed it and outfit it with an accessible shower. He finds a way to modify just about any sport you want to try so you can play. Can and will fight buisnesses over their lack of following of accessible laws.

Emily- Ambulatory wheenchair user/dynamic physical disability. She makes sure you have any mobility aids, modifications to the living space, and will fight people if they don't follow accessible laws. But she also makes you feel badass- she points out that canes and crutches make great weapons (talk shit get hit) and using your wheelchair is a power move she always encourages you to take if you need it. If you need bravery, she'd let you borrow hers. Would cut a death glare to anyone who questioned your validity.

Hotch- emotion and mood disorders. Hotch is so steady when it comes to his mood and emotions and he's great at not taking things personally. So it doesn't matter how high or low you are or if you blow up at him and say things you don't mean because he knows it's not always in your control. You can depend on him to be okay when you aren't and make descision when you don't trust that you're in the right state of mind. He's your rock- always stable and consistent and reliable, even when you can't be.

Rossi- disordered eating. HEAR ME OUT OKAY. A lot of people who restrict have one special dish/snack that has significant and GOOD meaning to it and a lot of times it plays a really big role in recovery and Rossi would make sure you have that whenever you want. If you have more selective tendencies he's sure to get the exact thing you like every time because no child of his is going to eat generic we all know the brand name is better. Rossi believes that a relationship with food should be one of love and he helps foster that in the most sensitive and kind way possible

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bwbawa · 6 months

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hello, so I'm questioning if I'm autistic so i can reach out for a diagnosis maybe, and i saw another person do this so i wanted to try it out

i wrote a list of some of the things i think that are autistic traits about me and if anyone would like to please read them and tell me if they could be autism or maybe smth else? lol, just as a big favour really. I'll give more context if any is needed, thanks so much!!

also please reblog for reach if you want to, thank you

ts bellow the cut :]

- stimming ( twirling and braiding hair, used to suck on my own hair as a kid, rocking back and forth, doing ??? weird stuff with ny mouth and fingers lol, moving legs a lot)

- echolalia; internal, repeating phrases and songs on my head, but also doing sounds with my mouth

- always feeling like an outsider. This wasn't bad for me as a kid since i was very into creepypastas and media related to being an outcast, i never related it to something bad until adolescence which im still in, and I'm more insecure now about it.

- also, very extroverted as a kid, didn't get social cues and was offensive sometimes

- couldn't and still can't control my strength very well ( sometimes things fall out of my hands or i touch someone harder than i wanted to)

- sensitive skin, to heat cold and pain

- very talkative, as a baby was LITERALLY born babbling

- not good at eye contact, either do way too much or way too little

- terrible at maths (jst not logical to me??? dk how people find them logical )

- kinda restrictive interests but no special interests

- very picky as a child, fav foods were salted noodles with ketchup or by themselves. ( still can't stand some foods and mixing some foods together )

- horrible coordination and balance: didn't learn to tie my shoes correctly, how to ride a bike or how to swim, i bought wheelies and cant use them because my balance is horrible, i run weird (like a baby kind of) and I'm always stumbling on my own feet

- again, didn't learn some stuff until grown: didn't know how to shower correctly or make my bed ( could be due to being very taken care of as a kid, aka my mom didn't let me do stuff by myself )

- terrible spacial awareness: again, stumbling with my own feet, waddling like a penguin when i walk with my friends lol

- bad perception of time

- got upset when things didn't go my way

- ran away when kids were being too loud but didn't mind big performances loud spaces

loud THUDS or sudden noises however startle me, scare me and stress me out: was and still am kind of afraid of balloons, shouting people and loud thuds. As a baby i cried when someone spoke too loudly

- lately I'm much more sensitive to stimuli than i was, could be due to heightened stress in my life: badly done beds make me want to cry, crumbs on the bed feel like hell, heat and sweating are hell, some months ago i cried because my sunglasses and headphones weren't working and there were too many sounds, my head it hurted and everything felt wrong, sent me into a kind of crisis.

- don't think I'm overly empathetic, but i have a strong sense of justice and get very upset and ill about injustices.

related to that, movies and shows that require a lot of stress i don't like, they make me feel ill and i prefer spoilers when it's like that, i get too nervous.

- socially awkward and don't know how to keep conversations going, at least small talk.

- although i used to talk a lot, nowadays i prefer to stay quiet sometimes.

- i get VERY angry and frustrated but it goes away kind of quickly?

-i used to be very loud and I still dont know how to control my tone of voice ( how loud or quiet i am) and i spoke in a very high pitched voice as a child

- i used to read a lot, went to the library in the recess instead of hanging out all the time with kids and used some complicated words that my parents didn't know i knew

- all my life i only had one close friend ( not the same, but always one)

- i think i had a specific routine of morning

- i have a hard time concentrating and being organized

- i make plans for myself in the night and get upset when OTHERS interrupt it but not when i do

- hard time knowing when to pee and when to eat

- again sensory issues, some foods make me want to puke, and wet, sticky or extremely dry hands are disgusting. Also, light touches feel like anger.

- as a kid I repeatedly watched stuff, ended up boring my family because i only wanted to watch that multiple times

- sensory seeker as a kid kind of, slept with my feet up, danced a lot (stimming?)

-i get irritated easily and can hurt people verbally

- don't know if related but i sometimes very anxious, get upset about not saying goodbye correctly to certain people, as a kid i used to cry and didnt want to go to school because of a "bad feeling" that smth bad was gonna happen, could be anxiety.

i absolutely sure there's more, but I don't wanna keep typing

just to finish, most of my circle is neurodivergent. And family wise, my sister is audhd, one cousin and uncle are autistic, my mom has adhd and two of my cousins are suspected autistic.

#audhd #self diagnosed autism #undiagnosed autism #autism #am i autistic?#neurodivergent #adhd #autistic teen #autistic girls #autistic #autistic things #autistic traits #undiagnosed neurodivergent #undiagnosed autistic #undiagnosed adhd #neurodiversity

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freehounyaoi · 3 months

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HALF LIFE VRAI (+gorgeous & og gordon) HEADCANONS IF YOU EVEN CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BENREY WOOO

during. the end, he had 2 extra eyes, one above his left eye one below his right eye, now he has scars where they laid, they’re faint but he. is autistic im sorry he’s too me to not be he had a tail during the end too faint freckles ^_^ he REALLY likes red meat he likes blue flavor, not blueberries, not blue raspberry, blue stubble YAYY specifically in end, benreys feet to knees and hands to elbows fade into rlly dark blue/black looks like he’s dying of illness but like. has never been sick disassociates very often very touch very very touchy polyamorous, exes with forzen & is now crushing on both Tommy & gordon orphaned, kinda lived on his own since he isn’t human, picked his own name doesn’t actually have brothers, he’s a loser breaths through his mouth esp when he’s comfortable weird but like imagine he’s cuddled up to someone and he just yeah

COOMER YAYYY

fat, idc i’m right

gender-fluid, transmasc & gay ^_^ old man yaoi with bubby YAYYY

cool little funky punching enhancement thingies

big ol’ doe brown eyes

brunette hair before he started graying

after the resonance cascade he retired, they deserve it

has nightmares over clones. a lot, a big lot

autistic, everyone knows the science team kinda is autistic,

going off the autistic thing, one of his vocal stims is hello gordon

loves talking, loves it so much, he loves just talking to people she likes

has a high score on punch out & that one punching game where you punch the punching bag to get evaluated on

the reason is divorced because he realized he was gay

hawaiian shirts FTW!!

(most of these are somewhat canon, holly (his va) headcanons him as transmasc, short and stocky, and 5’4!)

Bubbster

Intersex & bisexual (idc if gir hcs him as straight it’s my world now/pf)

if he didn’t live with Coomer after the resonance cascade, he’d probably just be a basement dweller and just sit in the corner and cry

Bionic legs :3

canonically test tube baby, he’s probably really freaked the fuck out over it & has had genuine panic attacks over being artificially made, only in front of coomer

literally always has epi-pens for coomer

naturally(?) ginger idk what you wanna consider it, he’s canonically like 6 but in my head he’s like 67, he’s been locked in black mesa for 67 years

blue eyes

has a leather jacket with a tiger on it he will wear just to do so

has made the science team watch scrubs.. twice

picks at skin as a stress tick

has tourettes

near blind

when he got his bionic heart he died so he will sometimes just be like “hey guys i’ve died before”

being put back in the tube after betraying gordon was one of the worst things he’s been through, it was terrifying

GORDON FEETMAN!!!

also fat

joshua exists but he was an accidental pregnancy (gordon seahorse father yayy)

ftm based off last hc, that’s just canon cuz i said so

joshua is like, 9 in my head so gordon had him at like 18

bisexual

has a crush on benrey (canon but yk)

mexican and african

curly ass hair, takes really good care of it, always smells nice

bilingual

blind in left eye, 25% prescription in right eye

feels guilty as fuck even when everyone would joke about him being the cause of the RC

also autistic

wayne did not dk him justice when he lost his hand, he was screaming so gutturally loud it was painful, he strained his voice so bad, the pain was so excruciatingly terrible

tommy genuinely was the only one he could trust after benrey & bubby turned their backs on him, and that sucked because his feelings for benrey before that point were getting to him

only was adamant about not being friends with benrey at the end because of the betrayal, he wanted to hate benrey

tommy is like his. comfort friend, he doesn’t have to worry about him.. he does but he always feels comfy around him

Tommy cool man

Autistic, ADHD, PTSD and OCD

G man species, half human

strawberry enthusiasts:3 (me too)

every flavor tic tac enthusiast, always give the science team tic tacs like all the time

not very good at games enjoys playing them though

very touchy for multiple reasons

Sunkist service dog for multiple things as well, helps with panic attacks, PTSD symptoms, anxiety attacks etc

Tommy doesn’t know how Sunkist was trained to do all this, he made her sk he just kinda accepts it for how she is, and loves her

compression hugs, likes being laid on top of, it’s comforting

looks scrawny but can like. genuinely pick up all the science team & benrey with ease

started collecting propeller hats after the RC

the reason he can read sweet voice is cuz g-man species

thinking about getting a cat, maine coon or norwegian forest cat, he likes big ass animals

Sunkist is LARGE like large as fuck for a golden Tommy made sure she was huge

milk enjoyer :3 drinks it with most of his meals

wears readers

ANGEL KISSES!! (moles or beauty marks whatever you wanna call them)

tooth gap :3

walks on tiptoes

Gorgeous

6’7

cuts his hair into a fringe, lets it grow out to shoulder length, then cuts it fringe, never ending cycle

beauty marks man

freckles too

nobody fucking knows his trauma

doesn’t understand why he can understand cicero?? he just.. can??

learned ASL as a kid

clearly has some form of mommy issues he will not touch on

wears solid colors, he doesn’t wear shirts with decals, or anything, a. he doesn’t like them. b. for ASL purpose, it’s recommended to wear light/dark clothes (light in his case) depending on your skin tone to MAKE it easier to read sign, usually in light pink

prefers skirts cuz.. they’re comfy, usually knee & ankle length.. sometimes he will wear mini skirts……. cuz he’s gross

actually hates head crabs.

would be a nudist if it was sociably acceptable

actually really enjoys video games! he doesn’t talk about it, he’s good at them too

he’s a dog person, he wants a saint bernard

freeman YAYY

6’

beauty marks

patchy beard

dark hazel eyes

starting to grey, short pony tail

has scars from his HEV suit

actually lost his hearing DUE to the RC, his mother was deaf so that’s why he knows ASL, it completely shot out his hearing

has always dressed nice

cat person

Alyx is like his daughter to him

i can’t decide if he’s trans or not

same situation with gorgeous, he wears solid colors for ASL purpose

him and cicero have yet to find a way to communicate

when he found out alyx learned ASL for her boyfriend (this is canon, was planned for episode 3) he was over the moon

enjoys IASIP (it’s always sunny in philadelphia)

scary when he’s pissed off

G-Manual samual

major RBF

scottish

moles kuz hes kawaii

wears readers

hes autistic

going on with him being autistic, the fabric his suits are a comfort fabric to him

enjoys sitcoms

drinks his coffee straight black

he is trans masc to me

praises his employers like god tbh

if he were to drink, which he doesnt, his go to drink would be rum on ice

some form of alien, not from xen though, no one knows where hes from

some type of holy creature??? he cant die?? hes weird

you'll never see it but he doesnt bleed red, his blood is black

enjoys fishing

goes to bed at 11pm, wakes up at 4am hes weird

hes also the best father ever???

songs that remind me of science team members + benrey the 6th

Benrey the 6th

I Will - Mitski

Kiss Me, Son Of God - They Might Be Giants

I’m Gonna Win - Rob Cantor

Mad World - Tears for Fears

We Will Commit Wolf Murder - Of Montreal

Gallery Piece - Of Montreal

Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears

The Party's Crashing Us - Of Montreal

Tommy Coolman

Living Island - POGO

Fireflies - Owlcity

Teenage Dirtbag - Weetus

rises the moon - liana flores

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Head Over Heels - Tears for Fears

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amywhereyouwant · 10 months

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Some TOH HCs I wanted to share

There are a LOT of them, so They're under the read more for your scrolling convenience

Luz

-Uses She/They pronouns

-Would watch the entirety of Sword Art Online just to be able to shit on it properly

-Eats way too much Shredded Cheese even though she’s Lactose Intolerant

-Has made a Your mom joke to Willow only to remember she doesn’t have one

-Mains King in Tekken and made a custom attire trying to make it look like the other King

-Screenpeeks religiously in Split Screen Multiplayer

-Predicted Hecazura 2 books into the series, still won’t shut up about it

-Relatively known Digital Artist, her blog probably took off when she started making art of the Demon Realm

-Hates baking

-Helps Amity bake out of the kindness of her heart(Also seeing Amity enjoying herself is really nice)

-Had a cold once, hasn’t had a Human Realm illness since

-Has SH scars from her depressed period back in the human realm(S3E1), still ashamed over them

-Quotes Memes constantly, only Hunter understands what she’s talking about

-Cracked a rib tripping on a rug on her way to bed

Amity

-Absolutely hates Bugs, like, genuinely despises them

-Does not know how computers work, but still tries to use Luz’s laptop to look up date ideas

-Can and will dress as the most stereotypical Witch ever

-Adopted(All 3 Blight Kids are in my HC)

-Likes to bake

-Does not know how to bake

-Gets sick constantly

-Works out a lot so she can help out with rebuilding the Isles(and also a little bit for Luz)

-Used to apologise a lot for minor things(Pre-timeskip)

-REALLY Bummed she didn’t get to see Titan Luz

-Watched the barbie movie the same day Gus watched Oppenheimer

Gus

-Goes nonverbal when stressed out, uses Illusions and his palisman to communicate

-Cried for hours when he finished the last Cosmic Frontier book, even though it was a happy ending

-Likes the idea of Professional Wrestling, but wishes the fights were to the death

-Quotes Cosmic Frontier as a Vocal Stim

-Dramatically perishes in Matt’s arms on the regular

-Headcanons O'Bayley to look exactly like Hunter just for the memes

-Thinks Human 2D Animation is the most beautiful thing to have ever been created

-Watched Across the Spider-Verse and Begged for Luz to draw a Spider-Suit for him, she did one for everyone

-Got really jealous when everyone else got flapjack tattoos, then he realised he could just make one of his own with an Illusion

-Got insanely mad when he learned about Human Discrimination(“How can you hate someone for something they can’t change? That’s ridiculous!”)

-Watched Oppenheimer the same day Amity and Hunter watched the Barbie Movie

Hunter

-LOVES Dino Nuggies

-Didn’t know Dinosaurs were real for a while until Luz showed them to him, Velociraptors are his favourite because “They’re like Wolves but Lizards!” (They’re not)

-Has a tumblr account where he posts about Wolves, Luz is his only follower

-Definitely has a Fursona

-Kicks Luz’s ass at most video games, except for Halo 2 specifically(I wonder why)

-”Will you go out with me?” “Hunter we’ve been dating for a year” “Oh.”

-Thinks Huggbees’ How it’s actually made videos are 100% Legit and honest

-Made Willow a Flower Shirt to match his Wolf Shirt

-Wears Willow’s Flower Shirt he made

-Imagine Dragons is his favourite band

-Has Epilepsy

-Steals Willow’s dresses sometimes

-Found Nicole Coenen on YouTube, showed her to luz “She looks kinda like Amity!”(Nobody else sees the resemblance)

-Probably plays a LOT of Roblox

-Watched the Barbie Movie with Amity(Luz forced him to)

-Has seen every single vine there is(Thank the Titan for Vine Compilations on YouTube)

-Any kind of facial hair he grows is really patchy so he just goes clean shaven for convenience

-Snuck food during TtT even though he was 100% allowed to eat normally

-Bananas do exist in the Demon Realm, Hunter has just never learned that they do

-Gets visits from the Spirits of the other Golden Guards in his dreams

Willow

-Tackled someone to the ground when they only slightly bumped into Hunter(We stan a protective queen)

-Feeds her palisman doggie treats, nobody knows why

-Filled Camila’s entire back garden with way too many plants during TtT, they’re still there despite not being watered for a while

-Made a Garland made of both Demon and Human Realm plants for Hunter on their anniversary

-Has no real idol/role model

-Happily Listens to everyone else ramble about their interests

-Wears Hunter’s Wolf Shirt

-Calls Hunter “Hun” as a short for his name, started doing it even more after she figured out what it actually meant

-Pranks people she doesn’t like by putting giant Grape Vines around their house

-Held a presentation about plant care for the Gravesfield Gardener Society

-Thinks most Human Sports are boring(Except for Hockey and Roller Derby)

Vee

-Pulls off some crazy ass cosplays

-Knows how to drive Camila’s car perfectly, still has no idea how it actually works though

-Laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe first time she heard Metal Pipe Fall Sound Effect

-Considers Luz to be her Sister, Camila burst into tears and hugged her when she called Luz “Big Sis” in front of her for the first time

-Plays Minecraft on Camila’s home PC, has spent tons of time on Hypixel and built a little shrine for the other basilisks on a private world

-Takes after Luz in a lot of ways

-Is way better at Spanish than Luz, flexes about it constantly(Nobody really cares)

-Had no idea how to tell Masha she was a Basilisk when they confessed to her(Masha knew long before she told them)

-Is really cuddly in Basilisk form, not so much when shapeshifted(“I don’t really feel like it’s myself”)

-Her first kiss with Masha was really awkward, she apologised like 45 times and cried because it wasn’t good

-Steven Universe is a canon IP in the universe, so she got really confused when Amethyst sounded EXACTLY like her

I have no idea why I made this

#the owl house #toh headcanon #the owl house headcanon #toh community #toh #amity blight #hunter noceda #vee noceda #willow park #gus porter #luz noceda

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trkstrnd · 1 year

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Ya know, i find interesting that once Carlos realized TK was "the one," he really just fully assimilated into the 126 crew and TK's circle and just kind of checked out whatever and whoever was left of his past personal life. It's almost like he was searching his entire life for the life line that he had and then that was it for him.

It's just real interesting to me, because it kind of actually really unhealthy to do that (or it is in real life)- BUT, I do think with TK, it's the only time he has EVER been truly happy.

i agree with you nonnie

and this may not be something that you might be looking for, but i feel like this is a perfect example of why i am pretty positive that carlos reyes is autistic.

i guess tw fan headcanoning mental illness but i have done such a dive into this as an autistic person myself.

i don’t know how it happened, but i’m pretty positive that carlos is my special interest, so when i look at him, i like to break down and analyze every facet of him and his character.

this means who he is how he dresses how he acts what he does, and this current canon plot (even though i hate it), really hammers it home for me.

carlos always grew up different, too “soft” for gabe. he was constantly outcasted by his family, and now by canon standards we are pretty sure he only had one friend in school (that we know of). so when we look at all of the things that went into this (shitty ass) plot point, we see the following.

-outcasted

-low support system

-loner

-people pleaser

-one really good friend

-acting out in ways that will make him fit in.

when you look at these together: they form a mask.

carlos has been masking his entire life, trying to be big and strong for his dad, trying to be the perfect son for his mom. he had one single friend who knew everything about him and he never really branched out because he was afraid of inconveniencing or burdening other people. his entire past life was one big neurotypical comphet mask that he lived until he found tk.

he’s absolutely terrified that any small minute shift in that mask will ruin things with everyone he cares about. it’s why he told his parents tj was his friend, and why he deflected when to got upset and asked why. he didn’t know what his reaction would be, so he took the only way where he knew the outcome. he knew tk was going to leave either way, but if he refused to tell him the truth, then the truth couldn’t disappoint him.

furthermore, he’s hyperexpressive (another learned trait in his masking) and he sometimes lets it slip for just a second, and something comes out (2.08: “but you seemed so happy.”). he tries his best to react normally in high stress situations, but it’s a lot more difficult in their personal life because he feels safer with tk and feels like he can be himself around him (2.13, the specific expression he has when tk tells him that copper is at the door), but when he’s in work mode, the only thing you’ll get from him most of the time is a jaw clench.

and he’s not fully unmasked around tk all the time. he’s getting there, but the rage punching was a perfect example of him not necessarily knowing how to regulate or process his emotions, so they manifest into rage and he takes it out on the punching bag.

and HOO BOY he stims. he rubs his hands together, rubs his knees, tends to clasp his hands in public or cross his arms.

he also hyperfixates on things to a point where it can get unhealthy at times (3.05, watching that nanny can until the /sun was up/, not sleeping?). it’s why he’s a good cop and possible detective. he’s pushy and not easily distracted and he doesn’t let anything get in the way of what he wants, because he’s chasing the dopamine.

he hates when his plans are derailed or ruined. he knows when something is wrong because he’s good at picking up patterns in people since he is so hyperaware. it’s a defense mechanism.

he also has a hard time understanding nuanced situations like cooper and the whole friend from work debacle. he tends to over or under react because he’s not sure how to navigate the situation and his feelings.

and finally, relating back to the ask, i agree that carlos never was truly happy until he found tk, because tk kind of helps him navigate the world that is good for both of them. the perfect example of this is in 3.18, while he’s trying to give the speech, and paul and marjan and nancy interrupt because they know where it’s going. carlos looks like he’s about to murder someone for a split secind and he whispers something to tk, but tk is giddy and squeezes his hand because the message was received regardless of the heartfelt speech.

tk is his lifeline. he helps him navigate and understand the world around him, and carlos is able to be his fullest and truest self with him.

i think you’re right, nonnie. he wanted to get rid of his life before because he finally found something worth living for.

tl;dr: carlos reyes is autistic and never fit in until he found tk and realized he doesn’t need to fit in to be loved.

#911 lone star #carlos reyes #tk strand #trick talks lone star #character study #tarlos #911ls #ls s4 #autism #911ls spoilers

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tea-and-spoons · 2 years

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All About Occupational Therapy (OT)

Fun fact about the bloggy author- I’m an occupational therapy student! I find that so many people could really benefit from OT, but almost none of them know what it is. So here’s the basics of OT in hopes that it will help more spoonies get the support they need.

In this context, occupation doesn’t mean job specifically, it just means anything you do to occupy your time. This can mean everything from brushing your teeth to doing homework to walking your dog to playing videos to sleeping, and many more.

The “elevator speech” my professor taught me is that OT helps people to do the things they need to do and want to do in their everyday life. If you’re thinking “wow, that’s really vague”- you are correct! To me, OT is more of a way of thinking than a specialty, and it can be applied to just about anyone in any setting, whether they have a disability or not. This also definitely includes people with a mental illness- that’s actually where OT started and they still help there too.

There are lots of ways OTs can help their clients, and I think of them in a few general categories. The first way is changing something about you. This could mean helping you learn new skills or techniques, or helping to reduce/manage the symptoms that are interfering with your life. This method often is Not the bulk of what OT does, but as long as it’s something you also want to change, it’s still helpful. (Actually, side note, OT should be very very based on what YOU want to work on! That’s part of what makes it unique from other medical professions. If you don’t feel like that’s the case with your OT, please let them know!)

Examples: Sensory regulation strategies, using massage and stretching, teaching self-advocacy skills, making wrist braces, teaching specific skills like how to take the bus or mindfulness, helping you understand how your condition works

The next way is my favorite, and that is changing the environment, instead of changing the you. This fits nicely with the social model of disability! The environment and equipment need to be adjusted to work better for you, and that’s exactly what OT specializes in

Examples: Working out how to modify your bathroom to create space for a wheelchair, adjusting your desk setup to decrease pain, providing adaptive silverware, creating routines to manage your health

Another way is to change how you’re doing your “occupations'', or change the demands. There are so many little tricks like this that might seem like common sense, but every OT I’ve met has this magical ability to find just the right thing that works for you that you never thought of before. Or sometimes, I think it just helps to have explicit permission from someone else to do things differently. OT is also really great for helping you figure out what accommodations you might benefit from at school or work, and then supporting you in advocating for yourself- that’s what I mean for changing the demands of what you’re doing. You don’t have to do the same things in the same way as everyone else.

Examples: Doing multiple small loads of laundry instead of one heavy one, gathering everything ahead of time and then sitting down while you’re cooking or working, taking stim breaks, getting accommodations for extensions and alternate assignments at school

So if you’re newly diagnosed, or having a flare, or just having a lot of trouble managing your chronic illness- OT might be really helpful. I got referred for hand therapy and sensory support when I first got sick, and it was like finally being taught how to live my life with a chronic illness. Many doctors don’t know a ton about OT either, but if you ask for a referral to help you manage your daily life, especially chronic pain, they may say yes.

If you have questions, ask away! I can’t give you OT advice, but I can tell you about what OT does and help you figure out how to access it.

#teaandspoons #spoonie #chronic illness #chronic pain #occupational therapy #chronic illness advice #ot #accommodations #disability #disability advice

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vex-bittys · 2 years

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Hello! Id like a match up please. Im pretty set on a chain but id like to get 1 or 2(or three) other bitties so im curious which ones would fit best for me.

Im 21 yrs old, nonbinary/transman, native and physically disabled. Im typically shy and quiet around new people but once i get to know you, im jokingly flirtatious and confedient, making lots of puns and gutter-minded jokes. Im artistic and i like drawing, writing, knitting, diamond push art, animation, character design and all sorts of stuff. Im very creative and ive even made my own languages and multiple stories that'd id love to turn into games or animations or just lots stuff. I also really like horror movies and anime as well as love a variety of video games like minecraft, skyrim, pokemon, animal crossing and the sims. I like to talk alot about philosophy, morals and other cultures, especially their languages, religions and foods.

However i do have limitations. Due to my autism, i can have meltdowns where i have to sit down and stim or else ill cry, i have a hard time getting sarcasm and i get overwhelmed easily. I also tend to rely alot on earbuds and music in public settings so i dont get overwhelmed or anxious. As a result, i sometimes need to use sign language as i get too over whelmed or trigged to speak. Due to my physical disabilities, i some times need to use a wheelchair or a cane and i suffer from chronic pain and severe fatigue, often limping. I also get random bouts of vertigo that graduate to passing out and muscle weakness. I also have triggers due to trauma so smoking and yelling are gonna be off the table.

On to bitty needs, i already plan on getting a human/full sized chain as a caregiver/friend of sorts but id also like to potentially get 2 regular/snake sized lamias as well for more campaign/pet purposes. Id like them to be handleable generally( they dont have to be super cuddly but ye), be ok with cold rooms(as my disability makes me constantly boil alive. Also hi! I was the anon who asked about which bitties were great with the cold!), be open to trying new things and going new places and at least abit talkative. They also will have to be open to learning sign language and not get too frightened when i fall as i know it can be kinda scary, even when people know im ok.

They also will have to be ok with their base needs being met by a full sized chain on the days where i cant get up to get them water or food(the chain would be well cared for so no cannibalism would be a possibility). Id also like to avoid super venomous ones as that terrifies me. Abit of venom is ok but none that are very dangerous. A krait would be the only exception to the no very-venomous rule.

*Thankfully, Chains will only cannibalize if they think another bitty is a threat. If you can’t be safe around that bitty, a Chain stops seeing it as a fellow bitty and starts to see it as a snack. I picked out a few lamias that will work well with your specific needs and get along with a Chain!

My recommendations for you are:

Papython (UT!Papyrus): Papythons are incredibly sweet lamias who love to help out whenever they can. Many of the Papythons in the shop have some healing and medical training which might be helpful with a disability. Papythons love games like Minecraft and the Sims, so you’ll definitely have someone to enjoy games with.

Krait (Gaster): Kraits are quiet lamias, and you don’t have to worry about him using his venom. Kraits are extremely aware of their deadly bite and will always be careful not to use it. Many Kraits learn sign language to communicate with FireRings, so it would be easy enough to find one that fit your communication needs. Kraits are also super intelligent and love to learn about other cultures.

Honey Bo (US!Papyrus): Honey Bo is a perceptive lamia who takes a bit of time to build trust with his adopter. Once he’s built that trust, however, he is an excellent friend and confidant. Honey Bos are very perceptive and would love to listen to you talk about philosophy and other cultures. Expect him to fully participate in the discussion with well thought out answers.

*While these lamias aren’t the usual good-in-the-cold lamias, they would all wear cuddly sweaters to stay warm if it meant you were comfortable! You could also get a FireRing to help warm them if you wanted. Please let me know if you’d like an adoption scenario and which lamia(s) you’d like to adopt!

#vexy answers #anon ask #lamia bitty matchup #lamia bittybones #papython bitty #chain bitty #krait bitty #honey bo bitty

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frosnpls · 1 year

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cw rhory (and suicide) talk again and general mental health talk

following on from that post yesterday i do definitely need therapy because as much as i convince myself ive healed (and to be fair i have, his death may have been traumatic but its incredible how quickly you realise you were being abused when youre... not being abused anymore) i do sometimes miss him and i hate it. ill see things like accounts from others who've lost people to suicide and it triggers that deep emptiness i felt when he first died despite the fact that he essentially ruined the first few years of my adult life

part of me wishes id never even met him but then i dont know if i would be as close to the friends i have now without him having been there (most of them anyway, if we pretend he didnt have one my best friends blocked because he would get jealous of how much fun i had speaking to her) and i also think he would have. died a lot sooner if i hadnt met him. his brother in law once told me it seemed like id afforded them two more years with him alive and i think it was meant to be grateful but in a way it was just upsetting because it made me feel guilty for all the times i had wished i didn't know him. it felt like i couldnt even afford a theoretical past version of myself that release. i know ultimately his death wasn't my fault and in fact i actively prevented it for a long time but it always always feels like i should have done something else. i feel like i shouldve told his brother that he was actively suicidal again but id come to his brother about it so many times that i think he just didnt think anything of it anymore.

and like despite how much i suffered through everything i dealt with with him i. do miss how we were sometimes. not him specifically, but the relationship we had when it was good. sometimes it upsets me that i cant even remember most of the positive times despite there being so many of them for the first two years we knew each other. sometimes i catch a glimpse of the tattoo on my arm when im getting out of the shower. the tattoo of one of his drawings, one of the only ones i managed to save when he deleted every single message he'd ever sent me. and sometimes it makes me feel like shit because i have this constant reminder of the boy who abused me emblazoned on my body, and nobody's first tattoo at the age of 21 should be a memorial to their boyfriend who killed himself, and it just makes me feel like shit because under everything else i really did love him and thats why i never walked away. thats why i didnt give up on him even when i started realising how damaging it all was for me. i loved him so much and i fucking hate saying it because logically i shouldnt have. its. a lot and its so complicated and nobody but me ever, ever saw it because he masked it around other people or would just dm me instead of saying anything out loud, and i could only tell people very nervously in private and i never had a way of proving it.

i think the hardest part is that my aocial circle now is almost exactly the same as it was when he was in it. all of our friends mourned that loss just the same. some of them know about the abuse now, but most of them don't, and the grief they will occasionally express (though never directly around me, which i appreciate) is so plain and easily explained and i almost feel jealous that i can't grieve the way they can. without any of the complicating factors. and that sounds so horrible but i wish my feelings about him were just SIMPLE.

i have a floater in my left eye. when i was with him, i developed stress stims. i would bash my hand against my head or bash my head against the corner of my desk. floaters are caused by head trauma. im consistently reminded of what that time was like every time i move my left eye in the right lighting.

i remember one particularly bad night where i cried for four hours straight because he just refused to talk to me like a normal person, blamed me for everything that was happening between us and told me to leave him alone and never speak to him again. i knew if i agreed to that he would kill himself as soon as he could. i knew i was the only thing keeping him alive, and that he resented me for that. i used to get acne on my nose and sleeve burns on my eyelids from crying so often and for so long each time.

it was fucking horrendous and i can't even vent to anyone because most of them grieved his death too. we don't even say his name - if he comes up it's always "you know" or "someone else, you know who i mean". so i think i... should really do a proper therapist hunt.

#personal #delete later just need to. put my thoughts down rn

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voidselfshipp · 1 year

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VALO//RANT S/I remake.

"The world we live in is wonderfull, And ill protect it to my last breath"

Name: Jerico L. Gomez

Pronouns: they/xe/he/she

Nationality: Argentine

Age:22

Codename: Ranger

Class: initator

Species: Human Radiant

"In game" abilities:

E: Asterism

Asterism, Ranger's trusty avian companion Will zero-in on a specific target, clawing at them and rendering them stunned.

C: Hellion

Hellion is a mischevious and rowdy Fox,as such, he Will take turns in attacking nearby enemies until his timer runs out or hes taken out.

Q: Maltalent

Maltalent, the sneaky and calculating panther stalks his enemies and upon attacking one of them, they rendered blind.

X: Lady of the Wild

Ranger embodies the spirit of the wilderness, terraforming the nearby floor to not only make it hard to traverse but any enemies in the proximity are tied down by vines and roots.

"Out of game abilities":

->Orchid: jerico's pet orchid praying mantis, can and Will eat all chords and wires, disabiling them without triggering them.

->Silk: Ranger's rescued spider create intricate cobwebs that upon being Walked into, renders the person trapped and unable to move.

->Earth bending/plant growth/gemstone generation (cause I think its cool)

->Speaking with animals

Lore (vague-ish):

Growing up, young jerico loved animals, specially given that her radiant nature gave her easier access to all things animal/nature related.

They end up participating in various nature and animal preserves, learning survival skills, researching about ecosystems and travelling the world.

On the side however, she'd use her radiant power to dismantle operations that harmed the enviroment, making her be wanted by various very angry mobsters and CEOs. In exchange for her help, valorant made sure she was no longer in danger.

♡likes:

->animals,travelling, music, chocolinas (a Brand of cookies from argentina), nature, painting, drawing, listening to music,playing her guitar(acoustic/electric), sleeping, Reading,writing, cuddles/physical touch,apples,sweet foods/baked goods, food/eating,hanging out with Friends,practicing archery, camping (Yet also loves being cooped up in xeir room just using her phone/pc),videogames, tea, hot chocolate.

○dislikes:

->loud noises, certain textures, noisy places, certain kinds of food(...mostly veggies), contamination, being interrupted while talking/doing something, beating around the Bush, having to wait for something/Someone for long periods of time without an excuse, people lying to her/to others, people being mean to her/their Friends.

Trivia:

Her room number is 14.

Shes honest, doesnt like lying/hiding her feelings

She wears her heart on her sleeve.

They have been heard making cat noises when stretching,purring when happy, and have been seen kneading surfaces they've been laying on, (sage cant tell Wether its stimming or their radiant nature)

Gets along with skye's animals and Gekko's creatures. All whom they've been found sneaking out of their owner's presence to cuddle up or hang out with Ranger.

Gets particularly along with Omen, mostly because they both give off cat vibes.

Has a tendency to move their ears at the source of a sudden noise like Doors or people coming in and out of the room hes in

Has sharp reflexes, catching things mid fall or from behind

Nocturnal, goes to sleep at late hours on off days, Hates waking up early. This nocturnal nature seems to correlate to her radiant powers.

Xeir eyes glow in the dark like cats do, suspected to have night vision. Because of this xey have scared the crap out of wandering agents at night (sometimes on accident, others not so much)

Best Friends with killjoy, raze and astra.

Collects things from all the places xey visit.

Can recognize animals by their noises alone.

Loves cooking for herself and her Friends.

Her room is decorated in a sort of goblin Core style, with forest green walls, warm color schemes and a lot of posters, plants, UV light for said plants, nerd/geek/gamer stuff, videogames, consoles, trinkets she has found while on her travels, fairy lights, hanging decorations and one of those hanging seats, her screen/window displays a view of Argentina's capital or other places like waterfalls or reserves, also beaches from her home country.

She has a Reading nook where said hanging Seat is, she goes there when she needs a break from the world, finding the confined space of the Seat to be comforting.

Named all her "main" animals off of unique names.

Still volunteers when they have the chance.

Animals around base love her. She has found sneaking some in for a while and then returning them to their habitat, sometimes the critters sneak in by themselves, and often times she goes to hang out with them when they need some peace and quiet.

When going out on missions or just casually animals Will approach her and ask for pets/food.

Has an intricate carved mask she uses out on missions somtimes, harbor and astra suspect its an artifact from "the guardians"

《♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡》

->only mutuals allowed to reblog.

->DONT REPOST MY ART

A/n: excuse the little annotations in Ranger's ref sheet.

♡lovely taglist: @tex-treasures @malewifehenrycooldown @mercuryships

#cw spider mention #tw spider mention #cw arachnophobia #tw arachnophobia #cw implied animal death #tw implied animal death #🐾🌱🦉 Guardian of the wild| Ranger valo//rant s/i🦉🌱🐾

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theunaestheticstudyblr · 3 years

Text

Autism and School

Autism affects many aspects of your life, not just social ones like many people think. Autism often occurs with depression, anxieties, OCD, and other mental illnesses. It also presents differently in males than it does in females, making it pretty hard to diagnose sometimes. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 21. I didn't know much about it but I did a TON of research because it scared me to be honest. Reading all about it made so much sense with how I act, but my cousin said something that helped more. She told me that it's something that I've always had my entire life it's just now it has a name. Nothing changed.

But doing research helped me learn a lot and change how I do things to make it easier because you can only run into a brick wall for so long. I hope I can help educate people who didn't even know where to begin like me as well as provide a place for conversation to happen and tips spread.

I have found that studying can be really hard especially when your head doesn't want to cooperate. You yell at it to do this thing but it says you can only do the other thing and it drives you insane. I find that fighting it doesn't help much. Instead, I have to bribe my brain. If I study for an hour, I get to play video games. Usually hyperfixation kicks in while studying and I focus well, forgetting about my reward. Sometimes though, every minute is pain and overwhelming. When that happens, I give myself a break. Honestly I don't know if doing so just feeds the behavior like giving into OCD things or not, but I don't know how else to mitigate that.

For projects, I try to force a hyperfixation by finding something in it I find cool. Then presenting isn't as bad because hey this is super cool and my brain wants me to tell everyone. But finding that thing gets hard and can make a project content heavy in only one part while very lacking in other parts. So I try to find small points in every topic (which is draining tbh).

Keeping on top of a schedule is honestly the best thing I have done for myself. It helps make sure I eat, hydrate, work, shower, and clean without freaking out over something. It also allows me to monitor foods and activities and see how they impact me mentally and physically, allowing me to make more educated decisions for myself. I know now that if I read in the afternoon, I tend to be calm the rest of the day whereas if I sleep in past 9 or 10am I know I will be stressing and freaking out all day.

Some days going to classes are difficult. That's why I wear makeup. I hate wasting money. If I put on makeup but stay home, I've wasted that makeup, time, and money. So therefor putting on makeup forces me to go to class. I also use this trick when I'm really depressed and I know I need to leave the house.

I find that focusing in class is easier when I have a distraction present as well. That way I'm not trying to focus on focusing and then getting stressed and anxious. Instead I let myself have a distraction which keeps me calm and happy and let's me focus without trying to force it.

I keep comfort items with me wherever I go as well which helps me be calm and happy. I feel more secure in class. Jackets are amazing for this for me. They give me a chance to "hide" and be cozy and focus. Journals are also great. I used to journal a lot and definitely need to get back into it.

I don't know a whole bunch about stimming or anything like that and most of what I read is targeted towards parents or children and it doesn't help much. From what I've interpreted, it's something to help ease anxiety and give your brain something to do while focusing on something but beyond that I am completely lost. A lot of autism tips say try stimming but fail to go into detail as to how and what, since many people have been able to grow up with help and education towards their autism so it's seen as common knowledge in the community. Other things I have no idea how to even go about is helping when my brain just freaks out. Like if something isn't done specifically and I break down and stuff. Its not the same as my OCD break downs and rituals. And hypersensitivity also. It is absolutely horrible and I have zero idea how to help that too, so if you know, I'd love to hear!!!!

Share your experiences, tips, and advice as well with autism and classes if you feel safe doing so. I would love to hear more about it all and would enjoy any advice y'all provide. I'm always looking for things to help!!!

#study blog #study hard #studyblr #school #student #student life #studying #productivity #autism tips #autistic adult #actually autistic #autistic life #autism #autism and school #learning #college tips

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gh0st-patr0l · 3 years

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ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!)

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm.

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

#sorry if this is longwinded but I had a lot to say so [shrug]#karl jacobs #dsmp #dream smp #dreamwastaken #ghost.txt

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doctorbunny · 3 years

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MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.

#haruka sakurai #milgram #milgram theory #001 #text post #essay #long post

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inanimate-insanity-headcanons · 3 years

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Hi I'm thinking. About object-specific disabilities and illnesses

For example OJ having a very tiny crack in him somewhere that makes his juice leak, so he requires to get refilled all the time or he'll feel awful and dizzy and might ox even pass out. He has a small bottle he carries on his belt with tubes that connect to his top and refill him from time to time that he can take with him when he needs to go out for a while!

Since I headcanon Yin and Yang were merged by force, I think they would need a lot of immunosuppressors for the halves to stay together so they have poor health in general

Fan's paper is very fragile and he has lots of small scars and tears on his edges that aren't big enough to even apply bandages to them but just enough to hurt all the time, plus he picks on them a lot as a stim and sometimes makes it worse. He also has a very strict routine and schedule that he NEEDS to follow or he'll have a meltdown, which interferes with his life a lot

Paper is one of the most fragile objects and he cannot get wet at all, also has some damage on edges and his worst enemy is folds because they are practically impossible to get rid of completely and always leave a slightly visible mark like a scar. He has severe anxiety too and he is very lightweight, so he cannot carry anything too heavy or he will literally crumble. So basically, he cannot do a lot of stuff other objects want him to do.

Knife seems like he'd be one of the healthiest types, but he actually has a bad case of reoccurring rust that is a pain in the ass to get rid of and can spark again from as much as slightly more humid air than usual.

MePhone4, MePad and Lightbulb need to be recharged all the time or they will be unable to function and they get progressively more tired and cranky as their charge goes down. For MePhone4, materializing things into existence wastes A LOT of energy!

Suitcase sometimes struggles to keep herself closed and involuntarily opens because her lock was broken and had to be removed, and plus she suffers from psychosis

Trophy needs those protein shakes because he is naturally very low on protein and burns a lot more of it than others because his body is very heavy. He picked up exercise and a jock lifestyle because he was shamed for his weight but he literally cannot do a thing about it and over the years at least the exercise helped him get stronger, so it's a little easier to walk around now but he still needs to rest a lot. His handles come in handy when he is too tired and needs to be carried around, but he HATES it when somebody touches them without permission.

Tissues' condishawn is usually considered a light ailment for objects that are not sensitive to water damage, such as plastic or some wooden objects, but it can completely handicap electronics and paper/cardboard/etc. objects like Tissues.

Test Tube's green liquid is actually acid, and she suffers from chronic pain from that acid very slowly melting away her glass, but without it she, just like most liquid-holding objects, gets all dizzy and cannot function. She cannot substitute the acid with something else because some of it sticks to the glass and it's highly reactive, causing dangerous chemical reactions that can break her when it comes in contact with most other liquids.

Objects without arms are very common, so I think there would be more accommodations for them in this world!

- 🐡

This is so awesome and so cool!! Wait Lightbulb needs to be charged?? Isn’t she a lightbulb

#inanimate insanity #anonymous #headcanons #not tagging all of them #yin yang ii #knife ii #suitcase ii #lightbulb ii #trophy ii #oj ii #ii2 #ii3 #ii #🐡 anon #🐡

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punkclowngod · 3 years

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Hi, i’m Nyx and this is my blog!

i use they/it pronouns and my gender is clown :•). i’m autistic and have adhd as well as multiple other disorders including C-PTSD and cluster b disorders. i will not provide a list of all i have. some are self-dx and some are professionally dxxed.

i struggle a lot with answering DMs so if you want to talk to me your best bet is through asks!

Sideblogs: @come-on-and-skin-me (vent blog) • @ifellinthepit (dc blog)

this blog is safe for all ages and all kinds of creatures, so please refrain from directing anything nsfw or harmful to this page

best stim board ever right here🎠

i sometimes post about things that can be triggering, and don’t always tag it, so if you are sensitive to violence/mild nsfw*/blood/homicidal ideation, i wouldn’t recommend following. i also reblog trauma-related content so please be careful if you proceed!

i am also okay with ‘ask to tag’ so if you want a specific tag on a post, don’t be scared to ask, i’ll be happy to oblige!

*the nsfw stuff on this blog it is usually just edgy jokes or stuff like that.

but if you are a minor and me following you makes you uncomfortable, please tell me or just block me; your comfort is very important and in no way do i want to make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

i don’t use many tags, my blog is very disorganized (which honestly is a nightmare for me), but i do tag everything DC related as DC stuff and i also tag posts about my dreams as Nyx Dreams. if one day i’m up to it i might go back and re-arrange everything and add tags. if so, i’ll update this section! the tag i use to identify my posts about OSDD discovery journey are tagged Nyx’s OSDD discovery channel. i also now have A Histrionic’s Guide as a tag for my, well, guides on how i work to get the most attention possible in safe/healthy ways as someone with HPD

Some of my posts you should check out:

Cluster B Headcanons

My Thoughts about Harley in The Suicide Squad

Harley and her HPD in Suicide Squad

Pirouette by Black Mask Studios

the cat the dog and the rabbit

A Histrionic’s Guide On Dressing For Attention

Micheal Scott has HPD

Important posts you should take the time to read:

Every Important Post I found about Mental Illnesses and Disabilities

How to survive in an abusive household

Feminism and the illusion of choice

Shipping abuse victims with their abusers

Serial killing and police incompetence

To non-confrontational adults

Morality and Christianity

Trafficking scam

How to spot signs and symptoms of breast cancer

About men who like “low effort” women

Shaming girls into sex they don’t want

Setting boundaries with a toxic person

Forgiveness culture

About James Gunn

Abortion resources for Texans

You can do whatever you want surgery-wise regardless of gender

Seizure first aid

Kill the robot dog

Basic respect for cane users

Acceptable reasons to exclude someone from the queer community

About stalking

American undercover cops

“Smart” devices

Don’t let your cats outside

DNI:

transphobes of any kind, queerphobes, racists, misogynists, ableists, bigots and assholes in general (including those who demonize personality disorders, psychosis, etc)

pan/aro/ace/etc exclusionists

pro shippers/ anti-antis

if you think cringe culture is alive and relevant/if you shame people for doing harmless things like being themselves and having fun

neurotypical and able bodied cishets

pro-ED (people with EDs are free to follow, as long as you’re pro-recovery and don’t encourage EDs by posting/reblogging meanspo/sweetspo/thinspo/etc)

if you’re only here to mock people

endos/non-traumagenic “systems”

sam winchester fans/apologists

joker stans/ mad love shippers

harry potter fans/supporters (yes even if you don’t ‘support’ JK Rowling)

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outrunningthedark · 3 years

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I would also like to say, as a neurodivergent person who struggles a lot, with hundreds and hundreds of scars to my name (that are also hard to hide but CAN be hidden!), who has daily nightmares full of blood and Gore, with panic attacks and migraines, and anxiety that makes me unable to speak or get out of bed on some days, with so many also physical issues that stem from my mental state - I am still able bodied. I have the ability to walk, and walk out the front door, I have the ability to climb a tree if I feel comfortable enough, I can hike up mountains and theoretically build my own house. I can take any form of transportation physically without accommodation. I can go to work on my own, drive a car, I can do physical jobs. And yeah, sometimes I will fail and won't be able to do them bc of my head, I can't wear certain things or go certain places, or withstand certain noises without a breakdown, and yeah, that's acknowledged on here and slowly in the world. People understand anxiety and fear, they understand grief and sometimes depression. And I can wager, if I do certain things, if I use my skills and stims and make sure to rest up before and after and be careful, I can maybe go to an amusement park and survive.

But physical disability is an afterthought AT MOST in near to all places. And besides not having accommodating surroundings and things, I can't imagine how infuriating it must be to just happen to be one of those 7% who never did anything wrong to deserve this, who cannot choose, who simply physically cannot do certain things even if they did try every trick in the book.

Being mentally ill is absolutely infuriating and frustrating as well, and we are allowed to be angry. Bc yes we will be judged, buy our physical appearance might not show any hints of our mental state, and we might not be judged at the first millisecond. But the physically disabled do. And there's at least just as many misconceptions about physical disabilities among the able-bodied and neurotypical IF NOT MORE.

I hope I didn't phrase anything wrong here or said anything upsetting but my whole point is: they have a right to be mad, and feel frustrated and let it out. Life isn't fair, no. But that doesn't mean we should be thankful for any crumb we get. Someone might say the same thing about queer lives "be happy you're not getting killed for who you love" but is that a life? No.

We are allowed to feel hurt and angry at a world that chooses to leave us behind, and honestly - and I use the we as a "humans in general" but I specifically mean our physically disabled friends and community here. They have a right to raise their voice and cry out their grief bc yeah, they hurt and it's not fun, and we (the rest of the world) shouldn't be letting them sit quietly with their pain.

Historically, no one ever gets anything out of being silent about their struggles. Change only comes with raised voices and emotion, with protest and anger. Because all the privileged will try to silence you and tell you "be happy I am not making your life more of a hell", like those parents who say "hey, I never hurt you physically, so shut up"

And obviously I'm getting real emotional about this and I can't my words across right but as someone who was always always pushed to not allowed to be angry about anything, bc hey at least genocidal people weren't shooting at my house, my parents saved me from that, I get to live a 'normal' life, I should be always be grateful for everything. But no, we all as living beings, have a right to be angry at a world that's trying to screw us over and use our pain for their own gain and just not care.

If you're mentally ill, you have a right to be angry at the world, and at the things that have traumatized you, or for being born the way you are, and for the way people treat you as less because of it.

And just like that, the disabled community is allowed to rage against the whole fucking world for what they have to go through.

Be angry. It's not a personal attack against anyone who's not physically disabled. If anything, we who are neurodivergent of mentally disabled/disordered should be more capable of understanding that anger.

(I hope this is okay T 🙈 I've been repressing myself a lot this past months and I've been worn thin and I haven't ranted in a while 🙈 also more people will see it on your blog than mine I wager )

FIRST OF ALL, sorry I let this linger in my inbox for a few, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing your experiences with me and everyone else who's gonna see this on my blog! I know it's not easy opening up to people for fear of judgment and rejection, so I hope you can use this moment as a (future) reminder that you are, in fact, tougher and more courageous than you previously thought. ❣❣❣ I don't think people who take issue with my choice to highlight the differences in visible v. invisible disability realize that I, too, have conditions strangers cannot see. - I don't have to speak about my anxiety, especially in social situations (tbh, I hide it so well that when I *do* admit it's a problem I'm met with surprise/skepticism) - I don't have to speak about my depression, body dysmorphia, or ED - I don't have to speak about my digestive issues or bladder malfunction - I don't have to speak about how much pain I'm in on a daily basis - I don't have to speak about the surgeries I've undergone if my scars are covered up, nor must I speak about the scars I've given myself from clawing at my skin during a bad headspace (again, as long as you can't see them. When they ARE visible I've been met with a variety of questions because "those don't look good." SORRY, IT'S THE ANXIETY.) - I've literally never had anybody use the word "neurodivergent" to describe my brain function, hence why I am just NOW understanding that it does fit my condition. I don't have that label attached to my name, my personality, and I'm sure it gives me somewhat of an advantage because I don't fit what people think of when they hear the term 'cerebral palsy'. Were I more cognitively impaired, or dealing with a learning disability, or seizures (things that can happen to people with CP!), then a lot of you would have an easier time accepting my condition because neurodiversity is more heavily discussed and explained in places like this. The fact of the matter is that my physical self, my appearance...it's my biggest obstacle on a daily basis. It's disheartening to come online and see people with invisible disabilities not only pushing wheelchair users to the side (I mean, how many reminders do we need that the majority of the disabled are not wheelchair-dependent? Do you know what that's gonna do? Make the ignorant think there's so few of us remaining that accommodations for wheelchairs aren't as important as they were led to believe.), but they perpetuate this narrative that visible disabilities are better because we don't have to explain ourselves. Idk what y'all have been smoking, but maybe I should try some. I had to CRY in front of my orthopedic surgeon to finally get an MRI on my spine + eventual fusion that actually eliminated my asthma. It was 10 YEARS after first being diagnosed with scoliosis AND kyphosis. I SUFFERED FOR 10 YEARS WITH PAIN AND UNNCESSARY ASTHMA because my previous doctor didn’t believe the x-rays looked “bad enough” to warrant a more detailed scan. My knees are fucked up for life from years of crawling, and though that is technically "my fault" because I had no other choice (my house wasn't wide enough for a wheelchair or walker at the time), my doctor never listened to my concerns when the pain first started. He never ordered an x-ray, or MRI, or even sought assistance from PTs re: alternatives to crawling. I have to downplay my pain (especially nerve pain) because doctors don't give you shit for it! Chronic illness/chronic pain has made some advancements and those affected can at least try different medications to see if they help. There is NO medication for CP-specific pain and spasticity. I *think* we don't get painkillers for the same reason one of my doctors was "meh" about the idea of me trying CBD - they don't want us impairing our brain function anymore than it already is. We have no say. It's never a topic of discussion. The operation I got to improve my bladder function has been around for decades and yet it wasn't until I was 18 that this procedure was mentioned to me as an option. "Nobody's brought this up before?" Umm, if they had I would have done it already :)) My doctors just kept prescribing antibiotics and sending me home. These are just some examples. I'm currently in the process of debating whether it's worth asking for some kind of autoimmune testing because my wounds are slow-healing (some even look like burn marks and I have no recollection of how they happened) and I don't have diabetes. Will I be heard? Doubtful!

Feeling excluded when I focus on visible/physical disabilities is exactly how I feel every time someone with a disability has to point out they don't depend on a wheelchair everyday. That conversation isn't something I can relate to, so I make the decision to have my own, even if it's just me talking to myself. The point is to remind myself and anyone else who might care what I have to say that we're still here and we still matter. Disability awareness needs to include ALL disabilities, not just the ones younger generations understand and feel more comfortable with since these days everyone knows someone with mental illness/ADHD/autism etc.

#halinski #i had a lot of thoughts ://#tina speaks

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