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#so i won’t be able to communicate well with them for the most part ​esp s o bs
deus-ex-mona · 4 months
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starting the year ✨wrong✨
#(this is about work ok. long rant in the tags bc auauauauauauauuauauauauauauauaaaaaaaa)#i’ve worked for just t h r e e (3!!!!) days this year and i think im already all burned out lmao#first i was stuck doing 2 workstations bc this freakin’ b o z o of a coworker decided to take the week off without prior notice#and *t h e n* the internal components of one of said workstations kicked the bucket and was only replaced today. sads.#rip to our wasted time and futile fixing efforts though. flashtag wetried#that’s not all t h o u g h i was told that i have to jump to the other work shift bc one of my coworkers is resigning#b u t the thing is. all of the other dudes in that shift are from [insert bordering country] and always speak in their nation’s language#so i won’t be able to communicate well with them for the most part ​esp s o bs#and if [insert country here] has a national holiday and a l l of them decide to take the day off..#well. um. ahahahaha. im ✨screwed✨#(but speaking of taking the day off… one of said guys on that shift has an approved leave for cny. which is funny bc he’s not even chinese)#(rips if the actual other chinese dude on that team has his leave request rejected bc of that guy lol. happy cny to him ig)#a n d also i was made to (sorta) teach these two new coworkers (of sorts) the workstation i’m at for the week#b u t the thing is. i do everything here by left (didn’t receive formal training either lmao sadge)#and i also couldn’t explain anything well in general bc it seems like my flow of thoughts can’t streamline itself ig#so i think i confused the poor guys more than anything. but like. why me??????? aaaauauaaaaaaaaaa#idk why one of them came back for more ‘education’ from me thoughhhhh#i’ve tried teaching ‘em stuff at another workstation before this and my feedback was ‘wait slow down you talk too fast’ s o o o o .#ig i’ll have to guide them though again in the morning though. sighs. this wasnt in my job description :(#speaking of job descriptions though… this h e l l a annoying guy no one likes who resigned a few months ago (to much rejoicing)…#is!!!!! coming!!!! back!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#w h y. like. w h y. why is he so attached to this company he l l o? why is our manager so attached to him helloooooooo????? why him???????#our workloads literally t r i p l e when he’s around bc he’s just the way he is. auauauauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaa#aaaaaaaaaaa i dont wanna work aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#science industry (derogatory) questionable laboratory conditions (derogatory)#felt cute; thought about retiring early idk
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cl00udyyanan · 1 year
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Me too please?
Sun Taurus, Virgo moon, and ascendant Sagittarius
I.. am unable to decide between Zhongli, Alhaitham, and Ayato, but you can choose one if this is too much 🥺👉👈
I just want to know who this lonely heart is compatible with
  i cant do alhaitham since his birthday isnt confirmed yet, but i can do zhongli and ayato no problem :)
aries and taurus
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you and ayato have an unmatch synergy that can’t be bested, you both have a weird perfect connection and understanding of eachother, you’re meant to be really. you both are very strong people, whihc simply can build one up when the other falls. you def should give ayato alot of love and support cuz he needs it esp as an aries, sometimes they tend to put themselves over others needs first and he needs someone to take care of him every now and then. your relationship is very passionate as ayato is a very intense person and you most likely are very sensual, you guys are basically obsessed with eachother and intimacy is no problem.
only problem is, ayato not only is an aries, but the yashiro commissonier, he’s used to getting what he wants for the most part, im sure he’s very bossy even with his significant other. you probably won’t like that as tauras hate being bossed, he won’t care too much in this sitatuion, he also hates stubborn people (although he himself is stubborn), and tauras are known for being stubborn. fights between the two of you are loud that all of inazuma can hear. its not pretty,
to conclude, despite the fights, this is a strong and passionate relationship. you two love eachother like no others, its damn near perfect, if one of you can learn not to be so self absorbed or stuck iny our ways this will be an amazing match.
compatibiltiy: 79
capricorn and taurus
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a taurus and zhongli would be an amazing match. you both are sensible, strong people and you share what the other has learned. you bring yourselves together to gather knew knowledge and hold hands while you do so. zhongli has a way to make you feel good about yourself simply being next to him, the confidence and elegance he exudes helps build you up. you both relate to eachother very well, you guys like to fancy things (even if you both cant aford it) you both seem like an old couple, even if you’re both young looking since you enjoy the simple things in life. if you two have only eachother thats all you need to make each day fuller than the one before. you have amazing communication and understanding of eachother, zhongli is caring with your emotions, and youre able to help him learn his feelings and being able to express them without closing himself down. you guys are very lovey dovey.
theres no real cons to this relationship, you just need to show zhongli theres a little more to life than his job, help him with expressing himself. zhongli simply needs to be present and there for you and you’re okay with that.
conclusion, perfect couple actually. this is the right man for you, you guys look like every old married couple, its perfect.
compatibitly: 94
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baeshijima · 3 years
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𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐲/𝐧
MASTERLIST
now, childe as a general streamer,,, he’s a whale in every sense of the word 
poggers—
so childe as a streamer in general would be one word ;
✨chaotic✨
he would definitely be a variety streamer, but more so for games !!
especially pvp and/or pve games
competitive meta mf—
probably plays LoL, overwatch, apex legends, valorant and minecraft
don’t question the minecraft 
he likes mining but has a personal vendetta against the creepers bc once they blew up his mansion 
yes, a mansion
ask any of his community and they’ll tell u he spent a full-blown month and a half playing just minecraft to build it, only for it to go down just like that ;-; 
his chat loved it tho <//3
he’s played honkai too !! mainly for the pve and grinding bc he’s a whale but uh,,, shhh
his community,,, his community are just a bunch of trolls at this point i cant even lie
they just KEKW, SADGE & COPIUM spam everything and the newer viewers get intimidated until they realise he deserves them all HJGKJHF
especially when he starts getting annoyed by the game,,, his reactions are too good to pass up on gn
typically when he does mario kart streams 👩‍🦯 that shit’s wild when it happens oh my
when he falls in rainbow road 🤡 
and especially bc he has his webcam on, his viewers just see him internally dying or wanting to scream
also gets passive aggressive 
shit talks everything and everyone when in that mood <//3
for what’s left of his dignity i won’t disclose what happens
definitely gets jebaited a lot too <//3 unfortunately he’s too easy for his chat ;-;
another mf with a massive community except he has a lot of friends (sorry not sorry albedo)
ppl have a love-hate relationship with him tbh; u either love him or hate him
no inbetween
unless u show ur love through bullying him then go off ig
his discord server, twt + yt are also really big too !! also verified on insta 
also !!
he has lots of plushies :(( esp whale plushies from his community bc he’s the biggest whale they know <//3
but if u look at his setup, there’s a mini whale plushie on the top of his main monitor (he has 3), one big one (like,,, up to his chin) behind him, a smol on the top of his chair so u can see it above his head, and just more off screen HKJSDHL
they asked for a room tour once and half of it was just whale plushies
the rest were LED lights + shelves of merch & gifts from his community !!
he even has some fanmail (actual wholesome ones that aren’t cursed) pinned on a board too 🥺
also has an ensuite—
when he was eating on stream one time, his chat was sent into an absolute outrage
u know why?
bc he was eating noodles with a fork
bby ;-;
so sometimes he’ll get sent those beginner chopsticks with the finger guides to help him 👩‍🦯
he’s actually made sure to eat with them on stream tho bc he was sent one with a narwhal on top and he thinks it’s cute JHGJKH
nOW ONTO THIS MAN BEING WHIPPED FOR U AS A GENSHIN STREAMER !!!!
herkekle
now, his (also) AR56 ass has been playing since genshin first came out
an og if u will
this man,,, he’s been in love with u even before the game’s official release 🐥
not only were u in the promotional art and trailers, but he was also one of the beta testers so he got to try out ur character first hand in the early stages !!
and when i say he fell hard for u,
i mean it 
when the game wasn’t released publicly yet, he wasn’t allowed to disclose any information and ngl, it killed him that he couldn’t talk abt u :((
so all he could do was say this upcoming was really nice so far and subtly brag abt u to everyone JHGKJSDFHLK
when the official ads & promotional art were finally released 🥺🥺 when i tell u he immediately went live talking abt the game and u HKGJHFDK
he didn’t care that he streamed at an ungodly hour bc he’s been waiting for the reveal for so long he needs to let everyone know </3
he retweeted everything from their official twt straightaway, made a yt video based off his spontaneous stream promoting the game + pinged his entire server abt it
yes
his nearly 200k server all got pinged abt this one game bc he’s in love with a character from it
and he has no regrets abt it <33
the day the game was available for download, he stREAMED THE ENTIRE DOWNLOAD PROCESS
while he and his chat were waiting, they decided to watch the trailers and character showcases to get a feel for the game, and played some mario kart to pass the time !!
as soon as the game loaded, he threw mario kart behind him and went on 🐥
he typed his name (ajax) for the when he chose aether and literally everyone was appreciating the aesthetics HKJFS
but childe,,, he was waiting for it to be over so he could see u ;-;
he appreciated the aesthetics, fighting mechanics & voice acting a lot tho !!
now he had gotten through all the tutorials, got all the chests he could he was finally in mond
and there u were 🥺 after the dvalin encounter u arrived before kaeya did
and boy did he show u off sm to his viewers HKJHKLF
they knew he was down bad before but now?? they know it’s hopeless to save him and if he ever falls out of love that’s when the world ends
luckily that’ll never happen tho <33
but he took !! so many !! screenshots !!
oh, and did i mention he changed his wallpapers to u? and his twt + discord pfps are also some very aesthetic screenshots of u from that first scene ;-;
he just appreciates u sm okay 🥺
he even clutched his chest where his heart is and sunk down his chair when he heard u speak 😩
his chat just spammed his downbad + y/nlove + SHRIMP emotes and he accepted them all with grace <33
now when he unlocks the wishing feature,,, u already know he’s wishing for u as soon as possible
ur in the standard banner so ur always there which he appreciates but he would’ve wanted u to be limited so he can rub it in ppl’s faces ;-;
and since it was the first release rewards, he had tons of wishes right off the bat !!
he was gonna roll for venti after he gets u bc,,, well does he need a reason??
also he doesn’t do well with archer characters in general ;;; but if ur an archer then ur obv an exception sooo
bUT he got a 5 star in his first 20 pulls !!
tho it was diluc 👩‍🦯
while he was happy bc he got an incredibly meta character right off the bat,
he wasn’t interested in diluc,,, (even now his diluc is barely looked after, and only used for spiral abyss, *sweats*)
the next 5 star he got was around the 60 mark, and he got a weapon,,,
i mean,,, he got the weapon that was most suited for u so that’s smth at least (ˉ▽ˉ;)
after he used all his remaining primos and fates, he finally got u 🥺
he just went “fuck the storyline” and immediately put u in his party and just
admired u as a whole 
went through all the voice lines available, ur character story, ur idle animations (he had a heart attack from u and his chat clipped it) and took many, many screenshots 
his favourite voice lines would have to be the night + about us + (y/n)’s hobbies
and then he equipped u with ur weapon and damnnn did u look so good with it 😩
he changed u to be his avatar, with his signature as :
“(y/n)’s whale <3”
and now the whaling process begins 👩‍🦯
after at least £2k, he got u to c6, along with at least 1 copy of all the standard 5 stars,,
then he went for venti’s banner—
his chat were just too focused on how he’s gonna play u to even think of anything else tbh HKJAH
with ur kit, u were honestly seen to be a dps or even a sub dps if ppl don’t want u on the field all the time
so definitely a perfect character for mr meta strimmer tartaglia (his twitch name btw ;;; childe is just smth he prefers his community to call him as but they also call him ajax too HKJSD) here
so he went through the archon quests with u as his carry and i won’t lie, ur name card is smth he has printed and framed behind him after he got it 🥺
he later finds out ur part of the fatui in the liyue archon quest tho and has to fight u with,,,
well, u ;;;
he finds it hot tho so it’s okay—
i won’t lie tho, his zhongli after he got him is his second strongest after u
he just builds all his characters in the most broken way he can so he can show his viewers that everyone can be a dps in their own right, not just the ones meant to be since there’s no right or wrong in this game !!
but now ur weapon is r5, ur lvl 90 and u have lvl 20 5 star artifacts that make u the most broken (y/n) seen
ppl who co op with him are honestly baffled,,, especially when the feature of them being able to view other players’ character stats become available,,,
u with ur nearly 3k atk,,,
he’s hit over 600k with u tho and he’ll always flex that
no one can top him as a (y/n) main and that’s honestly just a fact at this point 😩
when he saw that the dating sim hangouts was official, his immediate and iconic response was simply ;
“so when will (y/n) become a dateable, huh 🤨”
to this day he’s still waiting to be able to date u in-game <//3
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Relationship Headcanons
↦ Character(s): Hakkai Shiba x fem!reader
↦ Rating/Warning: No rating though there are some light mentions of abuse (if you have read the manga you are aware of what I am talking about, I’m not going very deep into it though it literally just mentions it), mentions of anxiety attacks (no detail though), fluff, not proof read
↦ Word count: 1.8k (longer than planned, sections are bolded)
↦ Your Momo’s Receipt: Hello~ I’m post yet another TR headcanon and this was requested by the lovely @strawbub I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it did get longer than planned but I enjoyed writing it. I'll prob do a part two that's more of a scenario based on your first date or something since I didn't go into it here. Please note: for those of you who don’t know my blog is currently under construction, meaning I will not be updating my masterlist for the time being.
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So how did you guys meet, well mostly because of Yuzuha,
One day in like elementary you’re walking home and you see this super pretty middle school girl just like yelling at this small group of guys
The guys end up running off just because they don’t wanna deal with her or the attention she's drawn to them
Behind her was a boy, taller than her but obviously younger. You didn’t assume they knew eachother though.
The boy and yuzuha began walking in opposite directions because one was going home while the other was going to pick up something like groceries
You’re so entranced by how she stood up to them yet she’s a girl who was far smaller and you end up catching up to her, almost stepping on her heels
You end up absent mindedly following her into the grocery store and eventually she just freezes, turns, and stare directly at you
Your eyes widen since you must’ve been staring and she just goes “may I ask why you’re following me?” And you explain how cool she was earlier. She invites you over for dinner (esp since her older brother won’t be home) and figured it’d be good for Hakkai to meet someone his age
You end up going over but Hakkai didn’t come down to eat so you never actually got to meet him, though from then on you would see Yuzuha every so often, visit every other weekend or so
But no matter how often you came over the next few months, you never once met hakkai,
That was until you both reached the end of your middle school education and we’re about to begin high school
You had gone over because you were going to borrow an old work book from Yuzuha, and when you go to knock on the door the door opens before your closed fist could hit it, instead hitting a firm chest
You blush and quickly apologize but the person in front of you doesn’t move at all, doesn’t say anything and almost looks like they drifted into space with their dead stare
You assume this is yuzuha’s older brother because you’ve also never met him and you immediately turn to walk away but Yuzuha calls over hakkai’s shoulder
“Y/N-Chan! You just got here where are you going?” This was def not yuzuha’s older brother. There’s no way she’d be that happy with him around; oh my god. Realization hit, the guy who you hit (though it was more of a tap) was hakkai.
The hakkai you had only caught a glimpse of in yuzuha’s photos, never talked to or actually seen in person despite going to the same school and living in the same neighborhood
He must hate you. That’s why he avoids you. That’s def why - is what you think
Yuzuha drags hakkai back inside and invites you in; you sit down with them in the living room and watch hakkai visibly relax now that he’s inside his house, his own space, with a pillow behind him and a blanket covering his lower half, he almost curls up into it as he continues to avoid your stare
“Hi hakkai…Kun? Im L/N Y/N” you say and you see his face dead pan once again
Yuzuha can be heard laughing from the kitchen as she comes back in.
She leans over and begins explaining that hakkai literally just freezes with any interaction between him and girls who aren’t in his family
You nod, thinking maybe it’s an anxiety thing? Which is the case with you, but only because he’s been watching you since you’ve come over (not in a creepy way) wanting to and working the courage up to talk to you
The 5th or so time you came over after that encounter he was inches away from introducing himself before the house phone rang causing everyone to kind of “wake up” in a sense
Every time since then he gets closer and closer but isn’t able to say anything; he even realizes he has a crush on you.
The way you sit when you do homework and how cute you look when you’re focused.
How your forehead scrunches up when you’re trying to figure something out and you end up just sitting back with a small huff followed by yuzuha’s signature laughter.
It’s also a huge thing that you get along with Yuzuha.
So enough with first meeting time for the confession.
He ends up confessing accidentally. He didn’t know you were coming over to begin with so he was flustered out of his mind. And how was he supposed to know you hadn’t actually fallen asleep and you could hear him over the tv
The tv was more white noise than anything and the day was hot since it was the middle of summer causing the window to be open and the sound of soft wind and small birds to drift in; this was the hot that makes you tired so you were all sprawled out of just sitting in a daze
So while resting your head on the table you’re dozing in and out but then you hear hakkai begin to speak, something he never really did around you
Now did you and hakkai text? Yes. Did it take him an hour to reply because his brain would explode when you replied to him? Yes. But was it a start to communication? Also a yes.
You hear him say your name quietly before he moved closer, you can feel his gaze on your features
“I like you” is all he says. Simple and sweet. But you sit there in shock, trying not to blush so he’ll have no idea you heard him but he can tell because your forehead scrunches
You heard him and are focused on if you should reply or not. And he knows that.
You open your eyes and just look up at him, he’s closer than expected. His hand close to yours on the floor and he reaches over and grabs it lightly. Hoping you’ll also return the gesture by holding his hand instead of leaving your hand limp inside his.
And you do, thank goodness, and Hakkai almost mentally can’t handle it.
Once you start dating it’s more so just hanging out at his house or yours; however he talks a bit more and you text a lot more. He’s gotten better at replying. It usually takes him like 15 minutes now
He’s kinda stressed about your relationship but not due to anything you or him did
He’s stressed because of the mentality his older brother gave him
Is he even allowed to be this happy?
He finally has someone thats small enough and naive enough that he can protect you; compared to constantly being protected it’s a sudden, strong, yet good change for him
He’s touch s t a r v e d
Yes Yuzuha shows affection; but he stopped accepting her hugs when he was around 8 just because he physically wasn’t able to handle it due to his bruises and such
But with you, even with his bruises and all you take care of him. Able to coax him into using medicines and toning down the physical violence (that he can control himself)
He also finds it super soothing when you lightly brush over his scars (especially those that his brother gave him), it helps him believe that scars are only physical and can fade with help
One thing that stresses him out the most is trying to hide you from his brother. Any time you leave something at the house its easy to pass it off as yuzuha's but when it comes to things like photos he has with you, he can't hang them up, show them off, or have them as his phone Lock Screen, etc. because he just really doesn't want his brother to know and target you since he'll then know that you're his weakness (aside from yuzuha as well)
Sometimes won't explain why he can't hang out and has legit pushed you out of his house before at the last minute notice of his brother coming home
Will always make sure you get home safe though, usually by having Yuzuha go with you since then she can just say you're a friend from school
Your parents love him, though they were a bit hesitant it became a "you always have a place to stay" because they learned about their family situation from you and yuzuha. So expect him to spend the night when he's too scared to deal with his brother. Same with yuzuha. (yes I know this isn't yuzuha head canons but its hard to write for him without mentioning her when they're so close)
We're talking three person sleep overs. Yuzuha and you of course share the bed and Hakkai takes some time to even set foot in your room much less sleep on a mattress that's on the floor
He has a small heart attack every time he comes into your room because he's overwhelmed with everything, he's never been so comfortable and it makes him feel restless. Like he's never and I mean n e v e r been less stressed and slept better than when he does so in your room
The smell, the colors, just being surrounded by you is something that completely changes his mood
Once showed up after he fought with his brother, tears in his eyes and clothes a bit tattered and you just pulled him to your room, and sat down with him.
You laid on your bed with him laying down onto of you, head on your chest as you rubbed his head and only said a few words "its not your fault"
He ends up crying so hard he falls asleep and gets dehydrated and you have to make him drink a bunch of water when he finally wakes up.
NSFW
super fucking careful w you
almost annoyingly so, but you're understanding
He knows that he might be taking things frustratingly slow but he knows that since you understand and know his history that you can help him get through it
Your first time you think you'll have to call it off because he's shaking so bad
"baby... are you sure it won't hurt you?" he keeps asking.
pretty sure that's the longest its ever taken him to finish because he was so anxious
despite being so slow and hesitant, late he isn't too scared to get a bit rougher
but im not talking anything crazy im talking like he's willing to pull your hair a bit or nip a bit harder at your neck.
Please never ask him to do anything like degrade you or some type of harsh physical rough shit, he can't
like literally im 99% sure that if you ask him to choke you or something he will pass out because of the anxiety attack he would have at even the thought.
in short with nsfw though he is sweet boy. He's a switch through and through. Loves when you take care of everything because then he doesn't have to be scared of hurting you.
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#i wonder what your thoughts on diaspora in hetalia are#cause its a pretty interesting topic (the post in question)
@urmomsstuntdouble a collection of things that I think about on a semi-regular basis below the cut (also thank you for the tags!)
Disclaimer: I think this turned into more of a discussion of immigration and immigrants, but I hope this strikes your fancy anyways 😅. Also this got SO LONG and I explained quite a bit of history (because idk whether anyone knows much about this), so the key thoughts will be bolded!
My thoughts are kinda complicated about this tbh; it’s weird, because if China really did exist as a personification in real life, we’d probably both be judging each other, just for different reasons 😅.
General Hetalia Cases
I think when discussing immigrants/diaspora, you have to think about why different immigrants left. @cupofkey kinda discussed that a while ago (if anyone hasn’t seen this superb post, GO READ IT NOW) about the Vietnamese diaspora, and I think there’s some of that in every country. How do the immigrants feel about the home country? Why did they leave: because of hard times, poverty? Political instability/revolution/war? Opportunities overseas? Are they doing well in their new home, or still struggling? Does their new country treat them like foreigners or outcasts, unworthy of even arriving, or doing anything besides menial labor, or have they been welcomed (rather unlikely)? Do they hate their home country (politically), or miss them? Would they ever go back, not just to visit family or the place of their birth, but to return permanently?
I think on the whole, hetalia nations would still maintain a connection to their immigrants, especially since most are still in touch with their culture, although they’ve crossed borders or changed nationalities. (However, the angst of not being as in touch with your culture as you think you should is so real; would our home countries be disappointed? Or do they sympathize, somehow?) In the end, we’re all the same that way. Plus, the alternative thought of them just disowning immigrants feels weird; I don’t even know how that would be possible. But I think that connection gets complicated by the reason people left, and their feelings for their place of origin; I’ll be using APH China and Chinese Americans as an example to discuss this hksdgsdf (sorry I don’t want to do more research than necessary and I have Thoughts about this)
**OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER that immigration/diaspora discussions are almost always case by case and will vary greatly based on things like country of origin/race/ethnicity, country immigrated to, initial socioeconomic status, time period, etc. And even among diaspora, people can and will have vastly different experiences, and it’s not good to generalize. These are just some thoughts with one example.**
1. Waves of Immigration 
Depending on when people arrive, they’ve got different push/pull factors drawing them to a country and it also factors into how the nation feels about them and vice versa... Chinese immigration to the US has mostly two major waves (you could also say there were 3, counting the post-WWII/Communist China wave, but I won’t talk about that): one in the mid 1800s and the other after the 1970s/1980s into modern day; the gap is because the Chinese Exclusion Act (1882) that banned most immigration from China wasn’t repealed until 1943 (because of Japan’s attack on the US in WWII, the US needed China as an ally).
IMMIGRATION WAVE 1: MID 1800s
These immigrants were mostly from southern China (Canton area), and they came to the US because of hard times (Opium Wars + political instability because of things like the Taiping Rebellion) and economic opportunity in the West (eg. Gold Rush (San Francisco is literally “Old Gold Mountain” in Chinese today) + industrialization, railroads, expansion etc.). There was Much Discrimination against those immigrants, and many worked as hard laborers in a variety of occupations (on railroads, gold mine, farms (in the South esp), laundry businesses; there were merchants as well, but they were the minority); many were looking to get some money that they could send back to their families in China and planned to return, but over time, they settled down and stayed. I think for those immigrants, Yao would definitely be understanding, even if he might not be empathetic. After all, he’s not thriving at that time either, and although he thinks Alfred is inferior to him (in many ways), he understands why people would be drawn by economic promise and quick wealth, even if it might not be the best strategy for getting rich. It’s not like staying in China would be better lmao. However, I don’t think he would approve (?) how many of his immigrants stayed in the US when most viewed it as a temporary move; I think Yao is very surprised by how so many of them persisted to carve out a home there, despite the discrimination and limited opportunities. Perhaps he admires their resilience, the creation of Chinatowns and community and how they still come to a country that doesn’t even let them in (see the San Francisco Fire of 1906 and the boon for paper sons), but still wishes they would come back, however unlikely that hope is. Personally, Yao would never be able to stay in Alfred’s country, the beautiful country, if Alfred’s hypocrisy prevented his experience, his immigrant’s experience, from being anything close to beautiful. (You were founded by immigrants and foreigners, but now you spurn them: the poor sojourners who continue to flee to your shores, and refuse them respite from the disasters at home.) And anyways, Alfred is just the next scrappy young upstart, barely 70 years old but with a swagger like he rules the world; how could he have something over himself, the Middle Kingdom, who has stood the test of time? (Admittedly, he’s doing nowhere as well as Alfred—even he can see that, despite his pride, and despite the haze of opium in his brain. Leaving is the logical, objectively sound choice. Still, his pride hurts vaguely when he thinks how his immigrants keep choosing a country that keeps rejecting them, over and over again, instead of himself. But it is no matter. The injury to his ego is inconsequential and easily brushed aside; for they are still his people, and they deserve a good life, wherever they are. His distaste for Alfred flares up again: Arthur’s bastard child, who takes advantage of his trade (see the Open Door Notes, 1899-1900), but refuses his people.)
if anyone wants more context or is interested in the history I mentioned, I highly recommend this pdf (from the book A Different Mirror: A History of Multicultural America by Ronald Takaki)
IMMIGRATION FROM 1949 TO 1980: according to Wikipedia, there was very little immigration from mainland China during this period due to the Cold War and China becoming Communist; most of the immigration was from Taiwan/ROC but counted in the quota for China. Since there’s a separate Hetalia personification for TWN, I’m not going to go over that. However, there were also many people from Mainland China who escaped to Hong Kong, still a British colony, during that period (I hope it’s clear why, but if anyone asks I’ll put it in a separate post); some stayed there, while others emigrated to the US; both trips were for more freedoms and a better life etc because China was really really messed up for a bit (also keep in mind the people emigrating all had the means to and were at least middle class, usually somewhat educated, etc.). I will not be talking about that group either because I don’t think it’s my place to, but please know they exist as well.
IMMIGRANT WAVE 2: 1980s ONWARD
A lot of people came from mainland China for education; there was also an. exodus of intellectuals following 1989 (which I Will Not get into). Many of these people sought job opportunities, like those that rapidly opened up in the computer industry, there are many students who come here to study abroad, who take SATs and TOEFLs to get into good US colleges or to conduct graduate research and get PhDs; some stay, others have gone back to like, advance China’s development (this sentiment of getting good students to go abroad and then go back to China to use their talents for Patriotic Purposes isn’t a new thing, stretches back to like the late 1800s). I don’t really have much to say about this group besides what’s below ↓. 
2. Immigrant Thoughts On Their Home Country
more complicated, because it varies by generation and time period and probably 203943 other things. Mainlanders that came over starting in the 1990s till now have relatively positive feelings towards China (imo, extrapolating from my life experiences); I think part of that is also because most* of these immigrants aren’t really escaping from something? They’re coming for an education/job opportunities (students studying abroad in the US (留学生 or liuxuesheng) for graduate school or university come to mind as one example), and they’re still very much connected to China politically and culturally, sometimes* more so than to the US. For these immigrants, I think Yao doesn’t worry too much about them? They’re pretty successful* overall*, and discrimination, although still A Large Problem™, isn’t the same from stuff that Yao (or his immigrants) remember from, say the mid 1800s (see above), or even during the paranoia about Communists after WWII and the subsequent Chinese Confession Program that made many people really scared of being deported. (Red China made Chinese Americans a target of the Communist panic, and the confession program was instated in order to make sure Communist spies couldn’t infiltrate the US. Those who immigrated illegally could confess that and gain citizenship; however you also had to weed out everyone you knew who also immigrated illegally.) I think Yao would see them as an extension of himself in a different land; they’re very much still part of him, and he gives them his well wishes.
However, I think that immigrants born in the US in modern day at least (1990s onwards) are definitely more ambivalent about China’s legacy + modern day Issues™, as much as we are connected via culture and heritage. Not quite sure how Yao would feel about that, because I’m not quite sure how much Yao is the state and how much he represents the people. However, I think there would be some mutual unease; does he see this as betrayal of some kind? Perhaps he doesn’t blame us for feeling as we do? Maybe he wonders what we feel about him; maybe he doesn’t want to know. Maybe he chooses the easier route: to focus on the bonds between him and his huayi instead of the grievances, and leave the rest unsaid. 
Additionally with first gen immigrants, there’s the conflicting feeling of being stuck between two worlds and value systems that oppose each other in many respects. Also there’s sometimes a feeling of not-quite-being-in-touch-with-your-culture (in other diaspora as well, ofc. here it’s often exemplified by forgetting or not knowing how to read and write Chinese proficiently, among other things 🙃); idk. does Yao see that as a bit of a disappointment? Would he wish us to try harder? Does he view it as inevitable, for those raised in the US; the environment is too different, and perhaps he won’t blame us for those differences, or shortcomings. Does Yao know, or care, about the racism? What about his immigrants who try to assimilate completely into American culture, who try to erase the Chinese part of their identity? Those that have tried it, but regretted it? Are they still his, when they have tried rejecting their connection to him, choosing to drop the “Chinese” from Chinese American? Does he consider racism when thinking about them? What about international adoptees? Does he claim them, when some have not been raised in a culturally Chinese environment, and when it’s still a sensitive subject on both sides of the ocean? I don’t have answers to many of these questions.
There are also immigrants who fled China because of war or persecution or upheaval, (one example is with regards to the Cultural Revolution), but I don’t feel qualified to discuss it here, and I don’t want to take it lightly.
But, despite everything I’ve discussed above, I’d like to think that however an immigrant feels about their home country or however long they’ve been there, all nation personifications would still wish them a better life (even Yao). I mean, it’s not always easy being an immigrant/part of a diaspora (especially when race becomes a factor). I really don’t think any of the hetalia characters would say “look at your struggles. What a mistake it was to immigrate somewhere where you still face so many challenges, although they might be different from the ones back home”. that’s just No. Also, I think that when you disregard sentimentality and their inherent connection to the people, countries would still be able to sympathize with people trying to strive for better, you know? People immigrate for a better life, whether it’s because it was getting rough when they left or because other places had more potential, and like. although nation-people can’t leave their own country, I think they understand the people who do, because it’s a chance to make a new life, and it would be unkind, counterproductive, limiting, to prevent someone from taking that opportunity if it came. And their children, and grandchildren; they are still connected to their origins even in a new country, by blood if nothing else, and nations are people too; they must have some sentimentality for their people born in a different land. I’d like to think that if Yao met a Chinese American kid running around San Francisco’s Chinatown, or bumped into an ABC high schooler in a well to do Massachusetts suburb, he’d stop and nod and maybe say hello, and wish them luck, wherever they go in the future. After all, they are the products of his immigrant’s hopes and dreams, and they are his too, as much as they live in Alfred’s land.
* (asterisks): this is a) from my experience and research; not everyone will have the same experiences! please keep this in mind and don’t generalize a very vast group of people. :)
Idk if that was too sentimental or rambly or something, but yeah, those are some of the things I consider when I think about nations and their diasporas. If you made it down here, thanks for reading! I greatly appreciate it. Also I hope I got all my facts correct, but if anyone spots anything incorrect, especially regarding the post 1980s immigration wave, please tell me! Tried doing my research but there are still a few things I’m unsure about rip. 
This might be deleted tomorrow because I’m feeling weird about it, but feel free to reblog! I’d also very much love some feedback too if any of y’all are feeling up to it
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radio-charlie · 2 years
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Have to take it easier this morning, esp since i got crisis hotline shift from 8 am until noon anyway, so i have time to tell u guys how things went for the kampung aka village that really needed help, and Walaa’s food project
The kampung:
Things are now going awesomely. Colleague brought them food and drinking water 3 days ago, yesterday a friend bought them baby formula, diapers and sanitary pads with money they raised thru FB and drove the stuff over, and Parti Sosialis Malaysia sent a team who brought stoves, masks, LPG (gas cylinders for cooking), clothes, food... u name it. What the DAP team aka Ong Kian Ming’s team brought - I dont know yet, I haven’t been able to contact him yet and probably won’t be to for sometime. Some of my friends have collected household items and have arranged for delivery today. PSM is going to bring sanitary pads, carpets and more cooking stuff over this afternoon as well.
This community really lost everything and they’re part of a demographic many Malaysians are prejudiced against, so frankly, even if they get “surplus” I’m glad. Not like they will be getting that much help from federal govt in the long run...................
Walaa’s food project:
Walaa is a Palestinian home caterer here who has offered to cook 200 sponsored meals (nasi arab) for flood survivors. She just needed someone to coordinate, organise and fundraise for her so I was like ok sure. After approaching Parti Sosialis Malaysia for help identifying communities in need + arranging delivery transportation, and working out logistics w Walaa thru two translators, and then fundraising on socmed/in private group conversations, we met the RM2000 sponsorship target yesterday evening. Especial shoutouts to the angel who stepped in at the eleventh hour and donated a humongous sum to us (you quite literally saved 200 hungry ppl from huge disappointment lol), the three Arabic<->English translators who generously volunteered their hard work all day for free, and Arveent of PSM, who helped us arrange so much all the way from Penang on top of his grueling office job.
So yea now we’re just hoping Walaa and family can get the ingredients and prepare the meals in time coz the 200 packs of nasi arab are due... tomorrow 11.30 am LOL. but they’ve done like 400 meals in two days before so hey you know what, if anybody can pull it off, it’s them.
Ok that’s about it I think. We’re not in the clear yet but at least good progress has been made and everything is moving in the right direction. My most heartfelt thanks to everybody who offered moral support and shared the posts I made about these things even though some of you are many miles away and don’t even know who I am.
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i am not reblogging this post from OP (posted 2 days ago, with 4,400 notes and counting) because i know that often people are just making their own vent posts on their blogs and maybe don’t expect them to circulate widely outside of their small tumblr circle! and i don’t mean to like, jump on someone who is just commenting on something and then going on with their life. but i feel like i keep seeing versions of this sentiment on leftist twitter too and i really think it is a gross misrepresentation of the bill that passed earlier this month - which is due in part to social media’s intense focus on the “stimulus check” part of the bill. but the bill was not called “the stimulus check” act! it was called “The American Rescue Plan” and it was specifically geared towards providing desperately-needed relief to the American middle & working classes. the $1400 direct payments to individuals was just one small portion of the bill. here are the far more important parts:
in addition to receiving a $1400 direct payment themselves, individuals with children receive an additional $1400 check for each dependent
college students who are still listed as dependents on their parents’ tax forms (typically so they can retain health insurance benefits under the ACA) can more easily claim stimulus money - which is huge for college kids who may be helping to financially support immediate or extended family members
unemployment benefits have been extended from March 31, 2021 (their original expiration date) to September 6, 2021
unemployment benefits will be supplemented with a $300 weekly payment (ie $300 on top of what people are receiving from their state government)
unemployment benefits received in 2020-21 are tax-exempt (a retroactive change that means people who are unemployed won’t receive a surprise tax bill counting their unemployment money as “income”)
a substantial tax credit for employers who offer paid sick leave and paid family leave benefits (ie creating a direct incentive for employers to authorize emergency paid leave)
15% increase in food stamp benefits and extension of eligibility
child and family tax credit benefits!!!! this is the part that people are describing as one of the most significant anti-poverty initiatives in American history. families are eligible for a tax credit of $3600 for each child under the age of 6 and $3000 for each child between 6-18. people can also claim a child and dependent care credit with a maximum benefit of $4000 for one eligible dependent and up to $8000 for two or more. it also expands the earned income tax credit and lowers the age limit to 19. dems also pushed to get at least 50% of the tax credit money to people this year instead of making them wait for their 2021 tax return. this calculator allows you to calculate how much families will receive. if you make $50,000 a year and have four children, you will receive $13,200 through the child tax credit alone, paid out in monthly payments of $1,100 from July to December 2021 + an additional $6,600 lump-sum payment when you file your 2021 tax return early next year. there are also some additional dependent-related tax credits things that I don’t fully understand but that seem to indicate people are eligible for even more money.
forgiven student loan debt is made tax-free (a necessary prerequisite for future efforts to cancel/forgive student loan debt)
huge expansion of grant benefits to small businesses, including $28.6 billion specifically for bars and restaurants; $15 billion for low-interest, long-term replayment emergency disaster loans; and $7 billion more for the paycheck protection program (which can only be used on payroll expenses and makes it possible for small businesses to keep workers on payroll even if they are operating at lower capacity). you can describe this as “for the economy only” if you want, but I sure feel like it will alleviate a whole lot of human suffering by allowing people to keep their jobs & paychecks even if their workplaces remain partially shut down. my dad is a small business owner and has been able to keep his entire staff on payroll through the entire pandemic. the bill also includes billions for airlines and concert venues, which will again! means people won’t lose their jobs!! plus it allocates $175 million to fund a Community Navigator Program that reaches out to eligible businesses and helps guide them through the application process—ie making it possible for small businesses to actually take receive these benefits.
$350 billion to state, local, and tribal governments
$130 billion for K-12 schools to improve ventilation, reduce class sizes, purchase PPE for employees and students, and hire support staff; of this money, 20% must be dedicated to programs designed to counteract “learning loss” from students who missed school during the pandemic
$40 billion for colleges and universities, at least $20 billion of which must go to emergency grants to students (our university has been giving regular emergency grants throughout the pandemic to students to help cover rent, unexpected medical expenses, costs related to family emergencies or lost family income, tuition bills that they suddenly can’t pay, fees associated with wifi or purchasing tech equipment so they can learn virtually)
a HUGE amount of money four housing benefits!!!! i keep seeing people yelling about how $1400 won’t cover their rent but THAT’S WHAT THE RENTAL ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS ARE FOR. $21.6 billion in rent and utility assistance, paid directly to states and local governments so they can disburse it to eligible households!!! plus $5 billion to Section 8 housing (which “must go to those who are or were recently homeless, as well as individuals who are escaping from domestic violence, sexual assualt, or human trafficking”).
$5 billion to support state and local programs for homeless and at-risk individuals (can be used for rental assistance, homelessness prevention services, and counseling; can also be used to purchase properties that will be turned into permanent shelters or affordable housing for people who are homeless). plus an additional $120 for housing counseling.
$4.5 billion earmarked for a special assistance program that helps low-income households cover costs of heating and cooling and $500 million to cover water costs
$750 million in housing assistance for tribes and native Hawaiians (who are also eligible for other benefits through the rental assistance and direct tribal government grants described above)
and then BILLIONS of dollars to support FEMA, the Veterans Affairs’ healthcare system, the CDC, and state, local, and territorial public health departments for all things related to: COVID testing, contact tracing, vaccine production and distribution, vaccine outreach, PPE, and public health education. this includes (among many, MANY other things), $5.4 billion to the Indian Health Services (division of the Department of Health and Human Services that specifically provides health services to Native people and tribal territories), $200 million for nursing loan repayment programs, $80 million for mental health training, $3.5 billion in block grants specifically geared towards community mental health programs and substance abuse/prevention/treatment programs
$86 billion for a rescue package for pension funds (esp union-sponsored pension funds) that are on the verge of collapse - collectively covering 10.7 million workers.
billions of dollars for public transit programs (and sure, public transit is important to the economy, but access to regular, reliable, affordable, and safe public transit is HUGELY important to human health and well-being! it is how many people esp in urban areas access grocery stores, health care, their jobs, childcare facilities, etc.
$10.4 billion for agriculture, of which $5 billion is specifically earmarked for socially disadvantaged farmworkers. to quote wikipedia: “Experts identified the relief bill as the single most important piece of legislation for African-American framers since the Civil Rights Act of 1964.”
tons of money to fund 100% of premiums for COBRA (health insurance for people who have unexpectedly lost or had to leave their jobs) through October 2021. COBRA is hella expensive and experts estimate that 2.2 million people will need to enroll for COBRA benefits in 2021. there are also various provisions that expand Medicaid and the Children’s Health Insurance Program (a program targeted at uninsured children in families who don’t qualify for Medicaid but may not be able to afford adequate healthcare coverage. it also fixes some things with the ACA that could’ve led to people getting surprise bills due to fluctuating income or unexpected changes in employment status.
i am SO OVER the so-called ‘progressive’ rhetoric that no good can ever come from the government, or that all politicians (dems or republicans) are basically the same level of evil and incompetent, or that ~mutual aid~ (ie small payments made between individuals in a community) is the only thing we can count on or should count on in times of crisis. no!!!! fuck no!!!! like mutual aid is great but America is an INSANELY WEALTHY country and it is such bullshit to act like we can’t or shouldn’t expect our government to take care of the people who live here. and i am also just GRAHARRGHGHH at people who are completely disengaged from politics offering their jaded and hyper-cynical hot takes on things they don’t! actually! know! anything! about!!!!!!! and in the process making other people increasingly jaded and cynical about the possibility of electing a government that actually prioritizes the needs & well-being of its citizenry!!!
ugh i’m just TIRED of leftist political cynicism y’all especially when it comes from people who have absolutely no understanding of how much WORK it takes to make huge things like the American Rescue Act happen (work that includes not just the immediate negotiation of the bill but also the years of organizing & voter recruitment work it took to get a narrow democratic majority in the senate so that we could pass things like this!!!!). I’M DONE WITH BEING CYNICAL!!!! i feel, in a totally earnest and unjaded way, that it’s absolutely incredible that dems were able to write, negotiate, and pass this bill, and i feel so so so relieved to be currently living under an administration that is flawed in many ways but is at least actually and earnestly TRYING to reckon with unprecedented “suffering in an actual human scale” (to quote OP) and is even using this crisis as an opportunity to advance major anti-poverty initiatives that will have a LASTING IMPACT on actual human lives. as opposed to our previous administration, which was made up of thousands of people who woke up every single day and asked themselves “what can I do today to further dehumanize & inflict needless suffering upon millions of people?”
PHEW!!!! SORRY!!!! JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS I GUESS!!!!!!!!
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holyhalliwells · 3 years
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imo, the show was often unilaterally focused on Piper, but only on what she could do for others (Piper the wife and Piper the mother) rather than who she was as a person. Piper's individual characterization was lost sometime around s5 as soon as she got pregnant, and being a mother and wife pretty much became her sole defining characteristic for the rest of the series. I would be very interested to hear what you define as Piper's mental issues/trauma, bc as you say it doesn't get said enough
this has been in my inbox forever and i’m just getting around to it so my apologies.
but okay. so. yes. i think a lot of tv shows fall into this weird place where like. all of their characters begin with these kinda vague personalities because you’re just getting to know them. and as the show goes on, you pick up more pieces and stuff . and that’s great. that’s interesting and entertaining and it takes you on a journey and all. but often what happens is many shows fall into this pit where writers either get lazy, they change, or whatever, and the actors are tired of playing the part or whatever . and like. the characters become like. caricatures of themselves. and it just gets exhausting to watch because they’re not like. real people anymore.
Piper's individual characterization
so now for the charmed thing. so from the beginning. i have loved piper. like she’s the middle sister, overlooked, quiet, reserved, pessimistic but also realistic, gentle, thoughtful, all that. we see right away that she loves to cook .. she’s so happy her family is back together. she kept in touch with phoebe behind prue’s back. but she’s loyal to the both of them. her first idea was to have a reunion dinner when phoebe came home. she’s literally so cute n she deserves a hug. but no like. as we go on, we see that she wants to be good, she wants a stable life with no more loss, she Loves Love !! like. she wants to just be happy , open her own restaurant n just cook. she’s also so shy .. definitely panicky and anxious. and she doesn’t trust herself. she’s skeptical of everything, and she’s very thoughtful when it comes to big situations. even in the early days with leo and into season 2, she mentioned a few things about like “i’ve been thinking a lot about this...” and you can see she’s good at communicating with people. she’s also got these other dimensions to her like . she is interested in lots of cuisine types, she loves to read (and is a camus fan !!) , she drives a jeep (which i wanna know how she got bc i have questions), when she found out she was a witch her first thought was just . i need to go and see if i am still a good person . and she went to church. prue was surprised to learn that piper enjoys knitting. in the early seasons (especially mid-late season 3) we saw her with her plants and all. she’s just this natural peacekeeper. but like. we literally got a crying scene in the second episode because she was so conflicted about this. and she’s such a deep and complex character that i fell in love with so fast . and like . literally my favourite fictional character to exist . genuinely holly breathed so much life into piper . anyway . so. here’s the thing.
being a mother and wife pretty much became her sole defining characteristic for the rest of the series
like. piper was who i described above. and like . i kinda think . a bit. that like . the writers . especially in s4 . were like . hmm well  . she’s just lost prue, she’s gonna be grieving . and like we need more for her. so. she’s been married to leo for the better part of a year, been with him for like . 3 years. so. let’s maybe consider giving them a kid but not just yet . just Content kinda stuff. so anyway they drop little hints in here and there starting in like . 4x07 i think? which . brain drain really paid the rent . fully just. holly did so well. but like. that ep was just. a neat way of looking into her mind and seeing the horrors of manipulation and gaslighting and everything . and of course holly knocked it out of the park. but at that point, they were kinda like . hmm . kids ? and they started toying with the idea, having piper and leo consider it, talk about it, they had paige and phoebe ask about it , all of that good stuff. as you do. made for some funny tv at some points. and like . i really, really Get It . when piper’s like . ahh the baby wouldn’t be safe around here !!!! like. Girl, Valid . your sister just died and like . you went on forever about how she was The Most Powerful One . The Strongest One . and yet she still died . so she’s like ??? am i next ?? and like obv it doesn’t make sense for her to jump on this train of like . i’m gonna have a kid !!!! so she’s really valid in her thought process there. and like. after having wyatt . i think the writers really . idk. couldn’t do waaay too much with her character anymore because i feel like . to an extent, anything she does will be scrutinized bc i’m not just . saying this . i rlly feel like sometimes piper’s the easiest to hate. like idk why but i loved her. but anyway. if she stays at home with wyatt and doesn’t wanna fight demons n all . then she’s selfish towards her sisters n she’s awful n prue wouldn’t have let her do that !!!! etc . but if she fought demons it’s like . uh sweetie you have a child . really ??? why put yourself in a situation that might have you ending up like patty 2.0 ... bc i could do a Whole post on how patty’s situation messed piper up the most. but anyway.
it’s the way i’m fully rambling so if you’re reading this . i love you . anyway okay . so . i think in a tv show you’ve gotta kinda check boxes. the best tv shows have characters you see yourself in . you relate to them. you hear them and understand their decisions and actions and thoughts. the things they do just makes sense 2 you. so like. with prue, anyone married to their job could relate to her. any oldest sibling could see themselves in her, you know ? she was hard-working, committed, logical, protective. and with phoebe, anyone who couldn’t “settle down” in their early 20s related 2 her, anyone who felt like the outcast of the family, the “screw-up” .. right. makes sense. she was so kind, caring, had-your-back kinda girl. we all love those. paige was like . the new kid, trying to fit in, creative, curious, and definitely a lifelong learner. and then there’s piper who was shy, resistant, really just wanted to be normal. and loved. and i think everyone could kinda identify with at least one of the sisters regardless of where you stood in your own family. so as the show went on, it’s like . they still want you to keep watching and keep being able to identify with them because it’s not like they’re humans with normal lives so they’ve already kinda lowkey got that going against them . so their more “human” and normal lives... we’ve gotta be able to identify with them to be able to invest time. so they had prue always working, having trouble balancing love and work, looking out for her family. we had phoebe kinda living her life, getting her career going, then kinda wanting a family. we had paige learning magic and being super interested and involved and then getting married. and we had piper who had her career pretty early on, got married, and had kids. like. i think the big thing is the marriage and kids. and when you’re a mother . the only mother really in the show, the show lowkey centres around you . like. for starters, the show usually is in the manor, and if you’re a mother, you’re very likely at home, esp with young kids. so i think that alone kinda was like . huh yeah . won’t see piper out waaay too much anymore i guess !!! but no like . there’s That. that’s kinda. the thing that really can’t change with the show . like. piper’s got kids now and a husband and very, very likely . her life will be centred around her home. which. listen she’s wanted that i think - the stability . she’s wanted that forever. and this is the form it came in. but i should stop rambling here and cut to the point .
Piper's mental issues/trauma
disclaimer: i’m not diagnosing her, i’m just speculating based off of my own experiences with mental health
so. okay. very early on. we saw that anxiety. like. yes . she was nervous about like a whole new life experience . or whatever we’re gonna call it when you figure out you’re a witch . but like she was Anxious . like. crying in the attic over being a bad person . needing phoebe to talk her down by telling her she’s such a caring person, she’s always doing things for other people . and then there’s the whole anxiety that comes with. my family’s falling apart because my sisters are fighting so i use really awkward methods of getting out of things . like using humour as a coping mechanism !!! which. gave us some iconic one-liners. but that’s beside the point . anyway. point is. early on, that anxiety was there. there’s an ep in season 1 where she’s literally entering a panic attack in her kitchen and phoebe’s using a menu to cool her down. like. Yikes! and then she’s just. her awkward self around everyone but that’s endearing and is just part of her personality . and i think a lot of the anxiety stemmed from childhood. we heard a few times about how prue and phoebe had boyfriends growing up, were always pretty and popular and all. phoebe was popular, too, just, in the other crowd. but nonetheless, piper faded into the background, doing well in math - well enough to go off and be a banker . and like. she sacrificed a lot for grams. she stayed in san francisco ... we all know the girl had the marks for stanford or something . like. though . still, i think she liked the stability of home and prob would’ve stayed . but in 3x17 she’s all !!! grams !!! the doctor said no caffeine !!! and when grams was taking the pic of them outside and she had an episode , piper was all !!!! shallow breaths !!! like. it was clear piper was the one taking her to the appointments and footing the bill. like. she literally became a banker just bc it had benefits n stuff. like. poor girl really thought . anyway that’s a whole spiral. but no. like she really sacrificed The Most for her family and everyone still thought she was selfish for wanting to move out . when like back then grams was literally ... sick ... and prue was out here moving out and phoebe was nowhere to be found . so. that . definitely would have added to her anxiety about even wanting to do anything for herself because she’ll be perceived as selfish in a heartbeat. even if it’s not Mean . it’s just. she’d never risk it. but there’s the anxiety. there are a few lil things here n there about how she gets nervous n stuff, she represses things (3x07 i think was where phoebe said piper represses her anger n just sucks it up n does whatever) . she literally cancelled her doctor’s appointment Twice . anyway. it still angers me. then in season 7 . patty and victor were like . oh she had night terrors that were so bad we took her to the doctor ! and i just ... honey . baby. she thought she caused the divorce. at 4? 5? she watched victor leave on her 5th birthday, watched a demon attack her, grams, and victor. prue said she didn’t cry at patty’s funeral and i’ll make a safe bet that piper did. and i think growing up without patty was strange for sure. prue had more memories and phoebe had none. and piper had fragments of this person everyone loved . and she was stuck between knowing her and not knowing her. and when patty was sent to her for her wedding day, (as well as in 1x17) . both times when patty hugged them . prue and phoebe hugged her, eyes closed n all. while piper was on the outside, eyes open . looking numb as all hell . and you know. i rlly think she was Giving Them That because phoebe didn’t get her and prue kinda . in a way. lost more of her . if that makes sense ?? and i just. patty really was like . they sent me to You. and 5 seconds later . piper’s like . they sent mom to Us !!! and it’s that idea of sacrifice and never having anything for yourself because she was never just . given anything for herself . everything in her life has been a sacrifice and as a mother, that’s perpetuated. she can assume that role with more of a purpose . like. people won’t really feel sorry for her now as the “forgotten” sister, they won’t try and coddle her or anything. and another thing. control. piper craved stability and control. i think while cooking was something she loved, it also gave her a lot of control . she could control her whole kitchen . even in season 8 .. maybe vaya con leos actually . leo mentioned how much piper craves control. and the control motif makes sense with her powers too. like. piper craved control so much that her powers allowed her to control things down to the atom. so there’s the whole anxiety and needing to control things to ease her anxiety and all. there’s That whole thing.
and then we get to the infamous season 5 fearless spell . ms girl really sat in the attic just writing everything on the wall and it’s the way i screenshotted it and like . zoomed in and tried deciphering it . and like . there’s words like “stop” and i think “sister” is in there a few times, so is “loss” or “lost”. when i watch it next i’ll grab a cap because it’s . disturbing. girl was so scared . literally was writing a spell to get rid of her fears . she also writes Fear . as in. capital F . and like. yeah that’s deep but i do it too like i emphasize words with a capital letter . and like holly marie combs might just have quirky n fun writing but like ... capital F . for Fear. for real . that’s . trauma !!! and she also was having panic attacks at the beginning of season 5. let’s not forget those. which ... we should’ve gotten more of an explanation for . i hope that girl is getting help bc she was Going Through It . and in season 7 when zankou reads her diary . firstly. we Knew this girl kept a diary like . for Sure . she did. and just that little excerpt of when prue died . oops. i’d pay big money to see the rest because again i just think she’s got such a complex mind and like. i’d be so interested to read that. and i think everything re: prue is just Awful for her. like . idk if this is just something quirky i noticed but obv we know prue died in may 2001 . but at the end of 4x03, when piper goes 2 paige’s work 2 bring her muffins !! soft !!! the calendar on one of the desks reads july 2001 ... and i really just. ms girl. i Know they prob just filmed the ep in july but it honestly tracks that she’d be so awfully upset about everything and just . barely able to do anything but cook . for 2 months. like. honey. baby. i wanted 2 just cuddle her bc she was so sad. and like. she tells paige she’s having “good hours” and “not so good hours” . she’s going by the Hour . by the Hour . just. need i say more . i’m so . but no like. if anything like i could see her having like . depression where she’s high-functioning and like just . walking depression i guess ?? like . not even after prue. i think in general. like . she definitely has a melancholic temperament and a type 6 enneagram (the skeptic). that’s For Sure . but i think. just. she’s always just had time to think bc she’s always alone, reading, knitting, cooking, tending to her plants, all that. and i just . think. she has issues. and i think prue knew that. of all people. and i think her knowing that . and then dying. destroyed piper. she lost the last person that was truly a constant in her life . like they shared a roof over their heads forever. and then she was just . gone . and piper was suddenly left to pick up the pieces . and become the oldest sister . and i’m So glad she didn’t fully assume her personality. i’m glad she stayed as piper . just. she’s more cynical and snarky and defensive and cold and that’s okay. she’s hurting. she’s always gonna hurt . and i think it makes her human . she’s pessimistic and sad and has a short fuse at times . but just. again. i love her to bits and i think those issues make her more relatable for me. because while many like to say she became selfish and a negative person and just . awful to be around . i’d say the opposite . i won’t sit and apologize or justify things. also i don’t think piper’s done anything wrong . i just think she’s hurt. she’s been wronged so many times. and she’s .... scared. i think she’s scared . and in season 5 “sympathy for the demon” we learn her true biggest fear is her happiness being stolen away. and like . it’s not that she’s scared she won’t be happy. she’s scared all of the good she’s got will be taken from her . and that’s . terrifying . so . i see why she’s so snarky and bitter and tired and all . she’s terrified of things being taken from her like they have been her whole life. and as i watch the show i really like to just keep that in mind as i get further and further in because yes. she did become a mother and a wife and we saw her arguing with leo a lot and their marriage falling apart and That Whole Era . we saw how it kind of took over her life but i think it happens . i think she even said at one point . i’ve been so many things to so many people, i don’t know who i am anymore . and i think it sums her up perfectly. she doesn’t know who she is because she’s someone to everyone . she’s just. nobody to herself except this scared little girl who just wants Something . Anything . to make sense . some Stability . and her babies, her husband, and her sisters . are all she has for that idea of stability to make sense in her mind. and it was an easy hole to fall into - the Mother - but i think she jumped in. because at the Very Least . nobody could take that title away from her . regardless of how hard they tried .
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flamediel · 3 years
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i feel the need to get this off my chest but it kinda grinds my gears when ppl assume the age 17 is like a grace period or something, even tho ur clearly still a minor. anything under 18 is still a minor. that’s just how it works. end of discussion
YEP!! YOU ARE NOT AN ADULT AT 17.
Look. Ik minors can have sex. Ik youre exposed to sexual media everywhere. But heres the thing. Im not comfortable w you consuming the sexual media I create. Riverdale writers can decide its ok to show 16yos having explicit sex and rate it for teens, but I only want 18 year old and older to read my NSFW content. I dont care what the legal age is in your country. I dont care of you think you're mature for your age. If you cannot accept that I don't consent to you reading my content, if you don't block the smut and NSFW tags, YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO BE IN ADULT SPACES.
What you don't understand is that the people telling you not to read smut were once kids who read smut, and went through the process of unlearning the fucked up shit adult fandom communities impart on kids. Some things I personally remember having to deal with:
Sex makes weird noises. It just does. Its awkward and strange and you need to accept that its gonna happen. Assuming it won't fucks w your self esteem
Having hair is normal. Literally most people ive been w do not care, and if a man does hes weird
Kinky sex isn't the norm. Its normal to like it but PLS dont start experimenting unless you're in a stable relationship and trust the person.
Things like choking, spanking, ropes, etc can cause serious damage. I have a friend who got her wrist fucked from handcuffs that were too tight. Make sure the person youre doing it w knows what they're doing, and if youre gonna tie someone up FIGURE OUT HOW. W choking you can't block the air passages or its not gonna be fun. Basically there's a ton that can go wrong and if your partner doesn't have experience and hasn't done the research and wants to try this thats a red flag
Literally if you're trying something new sit down w them and discuss it in detail first so you both know what youre comfy w and whats off limits and ALSO to make sure they know how not to hurt you.
Its super unlikely you'll be able to deep throat the first time and thats fucking normal take your time
If you have a vagina it is not common to be able to cum from penetration alone. More often than not you'll need clitoral stimulation as well
In fact most men don't know how to make a woman cum regardless of their experience. If he's not asking what you like chances are its gonna be shit. Literally tell him what to do if he's not doing it right and stop it if youre not comfortable or happy.
If you have a penis you might cum super fast. Which means if your partner has a penis they'll probably cum before you unless there's been a lot of foreplay
Cumming at the same time is not normal and not doing it isn't a moral failing just make sure to help the other person finish.
The first time you have penetrative sex its gonna feel weird. Esp if the biggest thing thats ever gone in there is a tampon or your fingers, shits gonna hurt. It's not necessarily gonna feel good. You will v likely need to be fingered to build up to the bigger size, esp if theyre big.
Even when you've had sex a lot it can still hurt to have smth inside you. My friend has been dating the same dude for two years now and it still hurts unless there's lots of lube and foreplay. Its normal.
Speaking of lube, USE LUBE. bitch idc how much of a wap you have, unless hes already made you cum you really need it to lessen friction. Use a lube thats water soluble so it doesn't fuck w the condom
Oh yeah, condoms. Unless you've both been tested and aren't fucking anyone else, use one. I dont care if youre on birth control. I dont care if you like it raw. If you don't want an sti USE A DAMN CONDOM.
Also, condoms dont just apply to penetrative sex. You can use them on your hands as gloves or as a dental dam when hes going down on you. The risks of spread is lower but not zero, and its better safe than sorry.
Also use them if youre having anal for the love of God PLS.
Big dick doesn't equal good dick, its about how they use it. If they don't know how to hit the right spots it doesn't matter how big you are. For some people big dicks cause pain actually esp if there's no foreplay.
Overstimulation doesn't always feel good like eventually it can hurt and not in a good way. Dont feel pressured to do it bc its supposed to be fun.
Similarly if you dont like being edged thats fine too.
In general just bc you like smth in fic does NOT mean you're gonna like it irl so like. Dont force anything. And make sure you can always back out when you want
Also feel this goes without saying but RESPECT THEIR BOUNDARIES TOO. This shit goes both ways even if youre the 'sub'
Masturbation can help you figure out what you like but its completely different when there's someone else there bc comfort is a huge part of arousal.
And lastly, you don't have to do ANYTHING until you're ready so don't rush into it bc I swear sex isn't worth it
A good source of sex ed is scarleteen pls go there and NOT tumblr for sex ed
Everyone feel free to add and minors pls dont read adult fic I beg you.
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arofili · 4 years
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some Turgon thoughts
so @siphilemon asked on discord for Turgon headcanons and I, a known Turgon apologist, was all too happy to oblige! I rambled for awhile and thought that maybe some other people might be interested in my thoughts, so I’ve gathered them here. under a cut because it’s a Lot.
General Turgon HCs
Turgon is fiercely devoted to his family, whether that's his siblings or his dad or Finrod or Elenwë and Idril...and he outlives. all. of. them. except for Idril and the Fëanorians, who he does NOT like
He's grumpy, more of an introvert than Fingon and Finrod are for sure, he was never really fond of the Fëanorians (esp Maedhros) but that was more because “someone in the family has to stand with Dad against them and it isn't going to be Fingon or Aredhel, so I guess it's gonna be me” and then add the whole thing with Fingon and Maedhros being in love on top of that...he's protective of Fingon
And then. things get bad.
There was never any question that Turno was going to follow his family to Middle-earth, he's devoted to them above everything - and I think he and Elenwë were very much in love and devoted to each other (some of my personal Elenwë hcs is that her parents weren't very excited about her marrying Turgon, and she kind of chose him over them, hence her being the Only Vanya who leaves with the Noldor) and he knew Elenwë would go with him
That's why Baby Idril went along on the Second Most Dangerous Road Trip In All Of Arda (which after the burning of the ships becomes the Most Dangerous Road Trip, surpassing the Great Journey)
but I don't think that (at first) Turgon was very excited about going to Middle-earth for himself? it isn't until Ulmo gives him the dream about Gondolin that he really gets the idea of creating a city of his own, a land of his own
And Gondolin is said to be Very Much reminiscent of Tirion - and Turgon is the one who keeps sending messengers back to Valinor - he missed his home
And he blames the Fëanorians for everything that went wrong. Morgoth too, but he's always kind of resented the Fëanorians, and then Elenwë died and it's all Fëanor’s fault but then when he arrives in Middle-earth Fëanor is dead so he shifts his anger onto Maedhros instead. Maedhros is a very sore spot between Turgon and Fingon.
And after Fingon dies.....well, Turgon blames himself, but he's angry with Maedhros. IMO Turgon is very much a hypocrite - he hates and hates and hates but does the same damn things he hates people for doing (i'm a sucker for Finrod/Turgon which is a juicy parallel to Idril/Maeglin...)
Turgon & Idril
Turgon is intensely protective of Idril, almost suffocatingly so
he was always kind of inclined to be an anxious helicopter parent but after Elenwë dies (it's fucking canon that both of them nearly die but Turgon has to choose between saving Idril or Elenwe, which fucks me up to no end) he's literally Never Letting Her Out Of His Sight
In the immediate aftermath of Elenwë’s death / the rest of the journey across the Ice, that's fine? it's a survival strategy, a coping mechanism, and Idril is traumatized and doesn't want to leave her dad
but then they get to Middle-earth (and Turgon loses his little brother, which makes him cling to his daughter even more) and Idril starts to grow up. IMO she was pretty young when they left Valinor, and she comes of age in Middle-earth. She can finally walk around barefoot in the grass again, and she starts making friends and learning to live without her mom.
which is something that terrifies Turgon, because he doesn't know how to move on without Elenwe, and he's always always looking back to Valinor but Idril barely remembers Valinor by the time she's older, and he's terrified she'll forget her mother
Idril loves her dad but he's very controlling and overprotective - and the dangers of Beleriand only make him more paranoid, even after the Dagor Aglareb ensures the Long Peace...
When Turgon builds Gondolin of course Idril is coming with him. He doesn't even ask her. She wants to go, she loves her dad even if she kind of resents that he still treats her like a child, but she wishes he'd asked her how she felt about the whole thing instead of assuming
(In general Turgon is really really bad at communicating. Elenwë was good at teasing out what he was feeling and getting him to talk but after losing her he shuts out the world. Finrod - whether we're going in a shippy context or not - is also good at understanding Turgon, and that night at the river they have an almost breakthrough together... but then Ulmo visits them and clouds their memories and they forget about it until way later)
But back to Idril: once they're in Gondolin and she can Literally Never Leave, Turgon relaxes a little bit, gives her some more freedom, because this is his city and she's safe here, right? But then everything happens with Aredhel and he's terrified again because if he can lose his sister what about his daughter---
Except now he has Maeglin to take care of too. Turgon is torn between parenting both his daughter and his nephew and ends up not doing a good job of either even though he tries...and Idril doesn't want to be parented at this point, she's a grown ass woman! Maeglin however does need a parent-figure and Turgon "Bad At Communicating" Nolofinwion horribly miscommunicates a lot of his intentions toward Maeglin
Anyway - I think Turgon is oblivious to Maeglin's feelings re: Idril? Until Tuor shows up and he can see "wait this mortal is in love with my daughter and is acting suspiciously like Maeglin...oh shit"
part of his motivation for letting Tuor marry Idril (aside from her being like "Dad I am gonna do what I want and you need to accept that") is fuck she can't marry MAEGLIN
Turgon & Aredhel
So I think that Turgon and Aredhel were the middle siblings who always kind of picked on each other in a loving sibling way? Like Finno is the Golden Child, the Responsible One, the Big Older Brother who adores them both - if they try to nag him it just bounces right off
but they know exactly how to push each other's buttons
and in Valinor that means they get into a lot of low-stakes petty fights that always resolve with them fiercely loving each other
after the ships burn Fingon is just...broken by Maedhros' betrayal. Aredhel, however, is fucking furious that Curvo and Tyelko would do this to her and she starts to channel that fury into hating them as much as Turgon does - which brings her and Turgon closer together
they forge a very deep bond on the Ice, especially with Aredhel kind of stepping in to help parent Idril after Elenwe dies
but unlike Turgon, when they get to Middle-earth Aredhel starts to heal (like Idril). she fights with C&C and then forgives them, and they go back to being friends. she gets to be carefree and happy again. and she'd still die for Turgon, she still looks up to him and loves him, which is why she follows him to Gondolin, but it was inevitable that she would get restless in Gondolin
Turgon resents Fingon for having Maedhros (i think he knows about their relationship and hates it but won't like, spill their secret bc he does love his bro) and he resents Idril and Aredhel for moving on from Elenwë & Argon's deaths because he can't do that, he feels like he's shouldering all the responsibility among his siblings
But most of all he resents himself for not being able to save them, and not being able to move on like a normal person (he's got some massive undiagnosed anxiety/depression). He kind of feels like he's suffering so his family doesn't have to, and since he loves his fam so much he thinks this is the "right" decision
(He's very hung up on morals for someone who is bad at following his own moral code)
So yeah he's angry that Aredhel wants to leave this safe place he created, but they fight and she pushes his buttons and he pushes hers except they're hurting still (aredhel is affected by everything that's happened, she just tries to focus on the positive) and they don't have time to makeup before Aredhel up and leaves
But he's not going to tell her she can't go because he does respect her decisions and her autonomy. and then when she disappears he's worried and then she comes back and he's overjoyed (and disturbed about what happened with Eöl) and then she dies and it's his fault and he blames himself....but Maeglin is also blaming himself and their self-pitying and grieving is magnified by being close together and they both come away worse for it. Maeglin thinks Turgon blames him, and Turgon thinks Maeglin blames him
And yeah, there is some I told you so in there, Turgon feels he was right, but he hates that because he'd rather be wrong than have his sister be dead
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theurbansquared · 3 years
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Guide To Avoiding A Loser Brokerage
by James Hill | theurbansquared
Brokers can be bastards and some even get better at it while other brokers are legitimate life-changing business Sherpas
A broker is supposed to guide you through a career in real estate much like a coach or pimp - offering protection and how to understand a complicated system better and direct it to revenue  without getting your neck broke while playing the game. I created and ran the most well-reviewed, largest full-service brokerage in the fastest-growing city in America.  This gave me access to nearly ever broker and their broker's pay structure and innovations. I also got the agent's version of my same broker buddies brokerages when they eventually joined my brokerage; hovering anywhere from 20–60 agents. Trending insider chatter has blame going to real estate brokers of decades past (and current) and how they’ve managed their agents - - letting unsupervised  agents with no experience run wild on the streets practicing on the public wearing out Realtor love and making a need for all the Mountain Dew-made Zillow-y options that currently exist.
Brokers are out of touch more than ever with today’s current media load, having to understand and use social media platforms for their advertising (since the private Town & Country affair that real estate once was is forever over and the landscape is a bit more like a half Juggalo, half programmer flea market).
Let’s dive into some situations and tenets that most agents don’t consider when choosing a brokerage.
Sales Volume
This is a bit of negotiating psychology and due diligence. Simply ask how much sales they (the brokerage) did last year and how much they’re currently at. If they don’t know these numbers they’re goons. If they don’t give it, you guessed it - they’re hiding something; their lack of revenue. I’ve hired and fired hundreds of agents and in interviews so few ask this question but it’s one of the most important questions you can ask as an agent and you need the information. An agent that doesn’t ask this has already given a tell that they’re not a top producer since they’re not interested in the production capacity of the team they may join. No bueno. Creep the brokerage as well obvi -- reviews, FB & IG engagement and current running ads, and make sure the company Christmas Party isn’t catered by Chic-fil-a at a Burnet Road dive bar.
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Office
40% of your learning and 350% of your work will be done at the office. Those numbers will make sense 90% of the time after a few years in real estate. The rest should be on the streets - your car, properties, driving 75 mph talking and sending out docs, gorging on breath mints. Office, home, tiny homes, motorhomes have all blended into one larger conversation where work/live ethos are all in re-definition.
But, when you do need a more savvy moment in any market when people talk about borrowing or selling something that’s over $100K they don’t want to hear some bullshit too loud pedantic conversation seated right next to them at Starbucks or the local kooky coffee shop. In real estate Murphy’s Law is always in effect. The super important listing sign off that has to go well and they want to hear you pitch again before deciding? There will be someone (at this super ‘caj’ coffee house meeting) there projectile vomiting, or throwing cats, or something else tiresome or bad that takes more calls.
Speech and body language are massive parts of sales so when the entire set is thrown because a barista is running through a whole Sublime album. You want the most inviting cool office you can ever pull off at any given moment in real estate . Was that ever a question? There's a balance  -- you can't afford that year one or three, but it’s called real estate for a reason. Sexy, exciting buildings is what the brochure said when I joined. Also, it’s about style not size.
If you haven’t lost business to coffee house back pressure you really haven’t failed at agency properly.
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Social IQ
Social reach is the only conversation now. Many brokerages won’t make it as the lead generating aspects of the industry aren't powered by a private MLS anyone and the publicly-hated ‘Realtor’ designation have both brokers and agents guessing about tomorrow. Calendars, best practices and free shitty tips & templates are the du jour of the day for anyone trying to get an agent's eyes. You can Google and get all the ‘basic’ social media dance steps, but with everyone at the same happy hunting spot, you’re being covered up, which leaves all your new artistic efforts fruitless and also squandering winning time.
Traffic, leads and engagement are all separate areas that have to be fulfilled properly and even this is in flux with historic corporations and current start ups all on the same advertising playing field. Social reach and engagement is about going to the consumer direct and becoming their friend with soft bribes -- free food, gifts, prizes (trips, events tickets) or industry work tools. The great news is, real estate has always been mostly consumer direct - start up a convoy at the grocery store (bar, church, meetup) and you’re in the car that weekend looking for houses with a new client. While you, your brokerage and the world are figuring out their exact social media mix, you need to make sure a brokerage isn’t lost on social media since many won’t be able to stay in business in the next few short years. Your brokerage needs to have a plan and and at best some presence on social media. Plus, they should be running low-cost performative marketing ad campaigns to get a feel for what and if set user groups are responding to ads. Anyone can post on IG but people engage on IG when they become inspired. A brokerage should have some sort of inspiration and relationship tied in with the local allure of their city --  or heading that direction.
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Mentoring
Much like a neurotic buyer chasing an interest rate for their home mortgage (and then never buying a house) agents too focused on commission may miss the essential career need for mentoring -- for their clients and career. I had a 5 deal minimum for my new agents before they were ever unsupervised and received more commission. I've had new agents with celeb clients in hand and celeb agents with no clients in hand. No one wants to do business with someone with absolutely has no, experience but they do it because they like you as a friend or fam. Your mentor is the person riding shotgun with you at the beginning of your career. On many levels you want to be this person since they embody the position and role. You're literally and figuratively are borrowing experience from them and they deserve to be paid for it. You always have to strengthen your brand outside of your brokerage but if you don’t have any experience your brand doesn’t have ‘strength’ you simply have a logo and a drag & drop website where you're possibly talking about yourself and love of unicorns or football shit but the big boat deals you dream about in bed aren’t gotten this way. Remember, no unicorn could ever throw a football good without a lot of practice and a good mentor.
Support
Support in a brokerage is really communication and solutions for small problems, and systems for managing bigger ones with people. Most of the annoying things in real estate happen outside of the deal - contracts, calls, emails, docs, signatures, more docs. You typically want a super admin, broker, or agent manager that you can call and they pick up the phone. It’s pretty simple. With a mentor, admin, or broker you’re going to have a n 8:30 PM question or deal that’s going down. You’ll need printer help. Real estate always happens now (this was one of the main mantras in my office). Printing, prequal, weekend support and constant post dinner shenanigans.
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Training
Meet Frank Miller, David Mamet, the Sex Pistols, Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Hendrix, Tom Hopkins, The World’s Greatest Detective and Conan The Barbarian. We had a lot of different inspirations for the style and ethos of our urban brokerage. The World’s Greatest Detective is Batman. It was a moniker that became popular in the seventies. We used this example about how important due diligence and proper Fact Finding techniques are for serving and closing deals for clients. (It’s almost essential to be inquisitive in real estate esp about property/development to have success). Training is largely your sales meeting(s). Although I don’t come from a car background I’ve mentored many car guys transferring to real estate (they typically are out of the industry within 2 years and are there only for boom markets). Car guys have meetings every morning 6 days a week and they’re not at 9 or 10 am. They’re already working.
free module: The Burger King Phenomena: Why Agents Do Less Working For Themselves Than If They Were Working At Burger King
Many brokerages have no training/meeting schedule (monthly doesn’t count -- that’s a meet and greet company pump and catch up meeting). If a brokerage doesn’t have training on a schedule then there is no training. You’ll possibly be thrown a 3-ring binder, or given some PDF’s, or links to old bizarre training videos or a soup sandwich of all three and sometimes even a bill for the training. An agent’s training/meetings and their attendance to them are the difference between an agent making it or not when you’re 24 months or less in the role as an agent especially in the fast turbulent waters of the current 2021 market where brokerage and agent purpose and pay are under attack. From my experience, new agents that hide die.
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Media
Having a background as a creative director I’m aware with great detail of agency and brokerage media needs, the cost and time they extract, and the corresponding revenue they’re projected to bring back. Brokerages are looking for their purpose now as simply having a brokerage doesn’t bring in leads like it used to. This is fitting, since the digital dumbass brokers that that didn’t understand the importance of ‘the web’ rickshawed our MLS data and sold the agent/broker centric real estate system for their benefit while current agents are left with an empty greasy enough to-go box to curl up with. Brokerages were never media houses or ad agencies but now that consumer level graphic programs and website builders are ubiquitous and any agent after being licensed for 10 days can drag & drop a website up in 4 hours and make it look like a brokerage that’s been around for years. I know I’m going wide on the subject here but stay with me because this is the crux of where the industry and consumer are renegotiating roles.
A brokerage’s value proposition has changed drastically with the telecommute revolution that was only sped and strengthened by Covid. Also, generational knowledge base gaps in technology are more apparent than ever with technology as younger agents can often be more media savvy than their broker. The market is flooded with self appointed companies or gurus that are taking on the role of the classic ad agency (Mad Men) or media production house. Also beware of real estate coaches with little or no real estate experience offering to guide you in social media. Okay media can’t be used in apex situations (such as the luxury listings you’re after) and doesn’t draw apex listings. Beware of tapioca room temperature tips and general lists from companies that can appear informative but are really boilerplate low grade data to get your attention to ultimately upsell you on a paid service.
As an agent or a brokerage, consumer level graphic and website building programs can be a death ticket to your business as your competitors have the same tools and are cranking out the same type of style of messaging you are now. Now agents, principals, admins and in art class creating flyers. This has been done since the nineties as the valleys of dead agent careers is full of 2-day Microsoft Word (or any of their shitty office offerings) seshes to produce nasty flyers and presentations. These programs are fun and making bad flyers absolutely work related - the kind of work you don’t want’ related to your business because it’s adult crayon coloring. Activity does not equal production. Staying busy doing the wrong things doesn’t make money in real estate. Rather than spending agent winning time staying in the wrong lanes for way too long, get with a team or brokerage that are providing the most exceptional visual media you can find in your market. It used to be cool 2 years ago, now it’s the only thing that matters. Visual content.
free module: Better Agent Media, Less Agent Money (media tips and hacks).
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Access
This is access to your broker. Brokers with families are typically less available. Your best bet as an agent is looking for a grinder broker who sleeps on the couch at their office. This person doesn’t have kids to build into so they’ll build into your career and you’ll get the most out of these brokers. Beware of cheesedick, apathetic, rich boy, bored brokers not around and more concerned with projects like a shitty vanity wine brand that their wife’s forced them to launch since she’s not living her best life anymore as an agent.
Style
What kind of style is your brokerage? Is there an opportunity to bring more style sophistication to the market -- standout in a smaller market? Or, are you in an ultra stylish market currently and butt hurt because you already have a little story about how you’re going to keep it real and be a Dockers wearing slob for eternity? The thing about style in agency is you always need to look like you can list a million dollar house. Oh, is it really that simple? Yes it is. You complicated it. Clients always care about their housing a little bit more than they care about your real estate career. They don’t have time to figure out why you’re wearing shoe styles from 7 years ago. Don’t make it hard for people to do business with you. If you’re ugly, even better. It can be a massive advantage. Everyone on the planet loves when someone who doesn’t fall into our general current ‘attractive’ spectrum doesn’t give af, looks great and puts themselves together in a stylish way that the viewer can understand (can I get away with Teen Wolf?). A great side benefit from this step in the right direction is it’s a great way to make someone who is conventionally attractive insecure.
You want to be in the same style as the people in your area but the secret is you need to lead that style pack if you can -- you always lead and dress apex. Years ago this was anecdotal but after over 100K hours in real estate a good suite (tailored) saved my ass and literally got me business. I listed the largest house in east Austin because of a suit (and got a front page story on the newspaper real estate section for free because the owner saw me walking into the next door neighbor’s house).
Offices, dress, logo, email signature are all elements of you and your brokerage’s style. Style in and of itself isn’t enough to be a top producer in real estate. I’ve had stylish and even celebrity agents that didn't do zilch, but style often is a fingerprint to something more.
Picking the right elements for your agent style is an art because you have to offer something from yourself that’s unique enough as well as something familiar (a bridge to your uniqueness). I have a background as a musician and also as a merchant sailor. Fortunately those are easy convo starters. You could be a philatelist and have some challenges, but regardless it absolutely will take a year or three to develop your own angle and style towards the market as you learn it and the agent role more.
Things that look attractive and familiar puts client’s psychologies at ease. So, if skinny jeans are in you better get in them (that’s like five years old now). You’re on stage. You don’t wear what the worker people behind the camera wear. If you want to wear boring shit get on the other side of the camera. If you want less leads saddle up to a forgettable brokerage. People have hard days. They want you to put an effort into your real estate agency role. Currently it’s a fried role so you’re dealing with that too. People love to be smiled at and sold and especially from someone who smells good. It doesn't ever get old. Don’t make them beg for your charm. Be a nice charming person with a shirt that fits good, it’s a powerful combo.
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Get My Damn Paper
If you’ve never seen a werewolf in daylight mess with an agent’s commission after the deal’s done and funded. Admin? Who is the damn person who does the admin? (accounts payable is the icey pro word if you like). That person that you contact to get your commission check cut? If that person is a weirdo, or there’s an unfriendly or sketchy quality to the office or admin staff, do not go forward (don’t confuse this with new people or industry jitters). Grab some free coffee, leave the smarm and jet to the next brokerage blind date.
Software
CRM is an annoying conversation. Here’s the things with CRM’s - for all the work CRMs curtail, because of their complexity and existence and the work(time) they take to interact with you need to consider how much work you’re putting into operating the CRM software verses how much time it’s saving. Many times brokerages have expensive yearly subscriptions with per agent fees for their CRM which can make the brokerage have a zealot meth thing for the ‘team’ software and promise you can’t have a career without taking a bump too. To understand CRM better before it was a name, Client Relationship Management is what analog Proximity became. Let me explain -  being close to people in Church, bar, school, same building -- all give proximity. This becomes familiarity, then ease, then trust. People do business with people they trust & like. Once people disconnected physically and started using other means more contact attempts have to be made to work for or ‘prove’ worth.
Follow Up is a large component of most CRM’s and there are gobs of money for agents who follow up meticulously. Simply ask the broker what CRM they use and research it. Something to remember - unless you’re extremely busy with your career you don’t need a CRM. You can manage & database your clients & leads ‘by hand’ and strap it to the cloud with G-Suite/Google Sheets.
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Brokerage Name
A small but important aside, if a brokerage have named themselves after a precious metal or a gem, or if it says elite in the name then it’s not elite. If it has the words prestige or worldwide or international it may not be any of those either. I know a handful of exceptions to this rule but this is a great dirty primer to use when choosing a brokerage that’s going to propel your career and have shrimp options at the Christmas Party.
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bawkrya · 3 years
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Ok i’m answering all the questions from that one ask meme bc i was basically sent all of them from discord friends
🌳How does your clan use the landscape of their territory to their benefit. Do they alter it?
To give background on what Phrauge’s territory actually looks like, a LOT of it is actually desert. The sand is a deep red, and despite being a desert, dig a shallow hole and it’ll be filled with a toxic liquid that the scientists in the clan are still trying to figure out. Anura, the main city, kind of sits at the beginning of the desert, but is surrounded by trees in kind of a U shape. Then the Malignant Redwood, a super toxic jungle, sits along the border of Shadow
BUT! The main thing Phrauge has done is found a way to solidify the sand in a dragon-friendly way in order to make homes. A lot of homes are directly connected to the ground, so sloped homes are a common occurrence. It wasn’t until recent years that Phrauge started using balanced concrete pads to start building houses/other buildings. The one HUGE altercation they’ve made above ground was when Bawkrya started expanding their territory into the Redwood, where he built his home
The trees, plants, and animals found at the location his home is in was sent off to mages, scientists, etc. to be studied-- he actually didn’t plan to build a house there until it was offered to him
UNDER Phrauge is a dragon-made cave system for the most part that was expanded into an underground city, and the houses/buildings there share a similar look in that they’re built from the stones and all that. A good portion of the “Higher Mall” is carved into the walls of the cavern.
🏠What are the housing accommodations? Any architectural influences?
There’s housing in basically every part of Phrauge. Due to how old Phrauge is as a Clan, the majority of this housing are tall apartment like buildings where families have lived for several generations. These apartments tend to be PRETTY large as they accommodated Imperials and other large species for the most part
While the majority of the house will be made out of sand/concrete, wooden decor, supports, etc. are implemented throughout it, but like especially for decoration. Bone is also a common decoration, with both wood and bone being carved with smooth and stupid intricate designs.
For the wooden and bone decor like that, for apartments that had several generations in them, some of the decor may tell stories of those who lived there, or list position in the clan, or have a family tree. If the family ever moves from these houses, the decoration is either taken with them or sent to historians in order to preserve them
Also Phrauge really loves some tiling. Tiled floors with wooden walls is pretty common, esp with how customizable it can be. Despite the popularity, there’s not too many dragons in the clan who actually make tile-- so there’s maybe three or four dragons really well known for the tiles they’ve made.
As for influences, there’s a LOT. If you can think of a style, it’s most likely sitting somewhere in Phrauge. the housing described above is moreso the style that belongs to the clan, but since a LOT of dragons are moving in from various flights, housing of different looks tend to drop in all the time
❤️How are hatchlings raised? By the clan? Just the parents? Just one parent? Is there a nursery for eggs? How is that set up if so?
It really depends on the area. In Anura, it’s generally only the parents raising the kids, given how many different dragons run through the major city from different flights, but there are plenty of childcare options for parents who may be in the higher ranks of the clan. There’s mostly daycares, but teens can make a living off of babysitting!
In Gabbro, a smaller city based near the Earth border, it’s more communal based. Less tourists go through that area, so everyone knows just about everyone, and with how much security is in place, parents are generally at ease letting their kids run around doing more simple errands.
As for underground, it’s almost strictly just the parents. While Bawkrya is trying to make it a more safe city, dragons still try to do shady business there, and it’s an overall much more strict setting. Most families don’t live there unless they have to-- for ex; the home has belonged to a family for a long time. Still, for those on the richer side, they mostly keep security in place for that home in favor of buying a new one aboveground.
For members of the clan who are Officials, children are usually taken care of by other officials, or by specifically hired babysitters/tutors. For example if Xentheryn and Akeldama, the two official Blood Mages/Scholars of the clan, were to have children, Bawkrya (leader), Fortinbras & Valencia (Head of Trade/Supreme General), etc. would be some of the few who may keep an eye on the kid(s).
🌧How do they lay their dead to rest? Is it a cemetery? A hall of the dead? An item crafted to remember them by?
Due to the nature of the sand in Phrauge, most if not all are cremated. This is mostly so dragons may keep their family with them, as there really isn’t anywhere to bury someone. On top of that, Imperials used to make up the majority of the clan, so bodies couldn’t be buried even if the family wanted them to be.
Some families may build temple-like concrete buildings in order to store the urns of their deceased. These buildings are generally small, and located near the woods. They’re also able to be moved from where they’re placed if needed-- which is why Bawkrya, with the permission of the families, relocated a lot of these temples to a specific area thats under more security.
These temples are protected by a magic talisman that’s fueled by the living family. So, unless you’re blood related or otherwise bound to the talisman, you won’t be able to go in or move these temples. If a family no longer has a surviving member, it is usually bound to the clans Immortal (TBA Dragon), who will continue fueling it so long as their loyalty lies in Phrauge.
For Dragons of higher rank, with the families permission, their urn may be placed in the Capital Building. Urns in this building are protected by two talismans, one fueled by the family, and the overarching one fueled by the Immortal.
In the temples, important items that belonged to the dragon may be set next to the urn. For ex: Bridal Boas, small weapons, journals, etc. As for items families may keep, since jewelry is super popular in the clan, Rings, Necklaces, and other forms of jewelry are typically worn by the dragons Heir, or whoever they may have left it to. Bawkryas pendants are a well known example-- it’s rumored they belonged to his mother, but they only thing known for sure is that it was passed onto him when he was young.
⚔️How do they get along with beastclans? Is there tension even if they get along well?
Honestly, pretty well. The most trouble Beastclan folk might face in Phrauge is from tourists who aren’t familiar with the laws set in place protecting them against dragons. So, many tend to live in the Gabbro instead of Anura.
Dragons also still have beastclan familiars, like Bawkrya does! Familiars in this sense are treated equally, and are more of a partnership between dragons, whether it’s familial, platonic, or romantic. Familiar is just the universal title most end up using
🍽Any culinary inspirations or specialties?
There’s several Phrauge specific specialties, and every single one is a meat based dish. I don’t have names yet for them, but the most well known is a soup made from bone broth with lots of meat in it. Grouse is the most common choice of meat, with different sorts of seasoning, sauces, etc. depending on the region/who cooks it. Veggies and the like are mixed in too-- but again it’s all dependent on where you have it made
A special kind of beef jerky is super popular too, with magic based ingredients!
But, also, since plenty of dragons move into Anura every day, specialties from other clans or flights gain traction as well. Though-- nature specialties don’t really last long
🔑If your clan is land locked or lacks bodies of water how do you feed pescatarians? If its dry or frozen how do they feed herbivores? Does this area limit what dragons have joined your clan due to unstable dietary supplies?
A LOT of food is imported! Like a lot. Phrauge does a lot of trading among other clans/flights, so there’s rarely ever a shortage, especially since Bawkrya and Fortinbras have teamed up on trade. So, dragons aren’t really limited.
🎀Does certain clothing mean anything in your clan? Colors or items signal a rank or status like marriage, warrior, healer?
Bridal Boas are a super common, Phrauge specific thing. It’s something all partners in marriage wear, and something they make for each other. Bridal Boas are made from fur, decorative metals, and jewels. They don’t specifically have to be boas, just made out of fur! As for colors, white is the most common, but Reds, Dark Greens, and Dark Purples are other colors associated with marriage.
For Mages, they tend to wear metal masks with heavily jewelry. Xentheryn and Akeldama have the most prominent masks as they’re the Official mages, but all Mage related masks are decorated depending on what they specialize in. For those two specifically, being Blood mages, Red jewels, copper metal, etc. is used for their masks with more flowy designs
Bawkrya has a specific uniform he has to wear when doing Clan Ceremonies. The majority of this uniform is made from bone-- with the bones being from past enemies that Phrauge has defeated. The fabric used is from specific beasts too, all which past Leaders have killed themselves. Also, passed down jewelry and the like.
⭐️Is your clan healing magic based? Apothecary based? Surgical? A strange combination?
It’s more of a combination, with how many dragons there are. And, it really depends on the injury or illness a dragon may have. But, the most popular form is magic based, with most if not all mages in the clan basing their studies in healing.
✏️What are real world influences that have been implemented into your clan’s design or culture?
For fashion, a lot is inspired by the 1930s fashion from various countries! For a specific source, the fashion in Winter Begonia is a huge influence. I just tend to make the clothing sluttier LMFAO
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so just really nice and layered tuxes and semi form fitting dresses. but in Phrauge theres boob windows somehow implemented. + STUPID heavy jewelry + LOTS of fur and potentially bones
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transrightsjimin · 3 years
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im behind on my administration nd freaking out abt medical bills nd just, the privatization of healthcar!! if anyone told you the netherlands has super socialized systems, they’re either a time traveller from the previous century or lying or like... think anything tht isn’t the US is socialist. it’s not. this country is capitalistic nd social programs have been deteriorating for decades bc of this dominant neoliberal as well as fascist mentality in politics, which enforces budget cuts that hurt the working class nd then punishes them for being poor or sick. yes there is insurance, but insurance companies (that you’re required to by law to make use of even if you can’t afford it fully) are a competitive market that keep increasing its prices every year, less and less is insured bc of the privatization of health, this country is a tax haven for multinationals who pay fucking zero or even get donations from the government and ex-students are stuck with loan debt of ten thousands of euros bc of student benefits being turned into loans by liberal parties in the chamber. if i have to see ppl from other countries share these fucking posts praising the NL for being so progressive for legized weed (it rly isn’t??? there are shops where it can be bought w a license but ppl can be stopped on the street for smoking it bc of racial profiling, and owning one weed plant is legal but not using it or cultivating more than one. like cops in helicopters looking for houses tht cultivate weed bc they got dragged in a scheme is everyday reality you know??).
like yes, this is by far not the worst place on earth, even the working class, esp white, are still far more privileged than the working class in other countries, e.g. not needing to fear for war and having access to water or healthcare at least somewhere. and the petit bourgeouis is quite large in this country which is why there might be a disconnect in ppl’s minds when not being able to apply class theory to a local context. but it is this romanticization of a country tht breaks down its social systems, copies a lot of pseudo-science and ‘free market‘ shit from the US, and deals w its own tradition of denying its colonial / racist past and PRESENT (it still has colonies but it isn’t addressed as such??) that gets to people’s heads and justifies any bad processes bc ‘hey, it at least isn’t [insert other country]!!‘.
more personal rants abt bureacuracy bs and healthcare bills under the readmore. im stressed
FUCKING HELL i just found out that the ‘eigen bijdrage‘ (own financial contribution) that comes with this new ADHD medicine (lisdexfetamine) isn’t around €20-25 like the person who prescribed it stated it was (which already is a lot to me considering the first medicine is fully insured) but €105,37 of which i would need to pay €76,80 (i think bc the previous medication of methylfenidaat was affirmed as not effective) for just 30 MEDICINES so ONE MONTH??
the pharmacist i spoke to, sounded like they too found it an absurdly high price nd i asked if the amount would eventually not be needed to be paid anymore after a certain amount of times (which was for example the case with antacids i picked up for my mom nd myself) and they said it didn’t. i was adviced to seek contact with my insurance company so i did and they said p much the same thing about fees being constant, maybe at the most fluctuating a little bit to lower fees in some months but not much. the only good thing is that eigen bijdrage fees can “only” run up to €250 per year bc anything above that is covered by insurance (which is already so?? to me bc you also have eigen risico amount of €385 per year which works p much the same).
so i looked at the website of the ADHD diagnostic / therapy center i’m a patient at and there’s a page about fees for medication and it links to a web page with statement of the brand / pharmaceutical company that makes this lisdexfentamine and it turns out that you CAN send it a request to get payed back the (i think full??) amount that you paid for the medication. my fucking god the fact that the insurance company workers nor pharmacists couldn’t even access that information bc it isn’t communicated is so vile. i considered not taking this medication despite it possibly being one that actually works for me unlike methylfenidaat. i really hope i can get the full amount paid back and that it’s not actually so that there’s more to this the brand won’t tell people who need medication. i’m also just frustrated this shit isn’t covered bc
i have supposedly the best type of insurance at this company nd my parents help me pay for it and all and this medicine nd a bunch of other things STILL aren’t covered by insurance bc the pharmaceutical industry has become so privatized and the ADHD institution i am a patient at has no contract w insurance companies so that’ll be another €250 in 2021.
ALSO i still have this invoice of €91 from my orthodontist bc my splint was broken nd replaced a few months ago, and i want to send the invoice to my insurance to see if they could at least cover part of it. but for that i need a PDF and to download that, i need to enter a code which they would send to my ‘phone number‘ but that one belongs to my parents’ landline(?) phone and to change it, i need to log in but i don’t have an online account bc when i first joined that ortho center i didn’t have all that and so far that was just fine. so now i first need to find a way to make an account or change my phone number to be able to download the invoice PDF and send that to the insurance. goddd.
like i am blessed enough to have parents who keep offering to help me pay my bills but i feel guilty towards them whenever i accept that bc it’s not like they’re rich or anything nd my mom will lose 1 form of income (or already has) nd isn’t at pension age yet bc that’s 67 and she’s 65 so they’re dependant on mainly my dad who overworks on wage barely above minimum, though i do think my mom gets a little bit so that’s a bit of a relief. but urgh i rly don’t want them to pay for so much for me, nd though the municipality doesn’t check my bank account regularly, it can if it suspects fraud nd they do that for the most random reasons so i’m always afraid they will check and see my parents send money and end up witholding welfare benefits for us.
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humanemotionssuck · 3 years
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Hello 2021
January 2, 2021
I should’ve put these thoughts into words on the first day of the year but then again, I felt so lazy given this bed weather we are currently having. By far, I think I experienced the coldest temperature here in my hometown (21 degrees baby) and I’m sure not liking it as I prefer warm days.
I actually do not know how to start. I feel it’s necessary to check on how I am doing lately. Write the things I experienced last year and reflect on the lessons it taught me.
I could probably kick things off by remembering how 2020 started for me. I have a bad memory but I’ll try my best to recall them.
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January
Broke up with J (yes this is probably one of the major and heartbreaking events happened to me). To sum it up, I realized that the relationship does not have growth anymore, and I am slowly drifting to follow my own path, which is to focus on the plans I want. I haven’t thought deeply the lessons I learned in my past relationship yet but one thing is for sure, I changed and I want to explore more of what I can do or what I’m missing out in life. Which brings me to attend seminars on how to work/study abroad. I attended a couple (e.g Fortrust Makati) and I also realized how costly it will be and I’m probably not yet ready esp. on the financial aspect.
February – March
Highlight on these months was I got back to dating apps again. I know it was a complete dick move. I haven’t moved on yet and here I am in the pool again. I met 2 guys from this app, Coffee Meets Bagel (which btw I uninstalled few months after). The first guy was the introvert but funny type and also VERY sexual. I got along with it, tried to do the deed but failed cause the guy hasn’t moved on from the ex yet. (Sucks right). And so I met this second guy and he is decent but we really had completely different personality. I believe this guy is also rich (he came from a Chinese family and I went to his house and saw the maid and his stuff). Can you also believe he already introduced me to his mom (no dad cause broken family), uncle and grandma. Pressured si ate gurl syempre cause it was really too early to do that step since we’re just dating but March was the most difficult month because…
START OF LOCKDOWN. PH was in state of panic after the government announced a nationwide lockdown due to increased COVID-19 transmission. I immediately went on a bus to the province fearing to get stuck in Manila.
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April
Nah this was just a typical month. Summer vibes all over but since we cannot go to the beach we just setup an inflatable pool in the house to get soaked. I finally posted a pic wearing a swimsuit again. My stagnant IG feed came to life lmao
May
Oh boy. This month sucks so much. I got typhoid fever. Which I thought was COVID already cause my fever just won’t stop. My mom didn’t want me to get admitted in the hospital in the fear of being infected so I was hooked in the IV here in the house. I felt I was dying. I was in huge pain both physically and mentally. Which forced me to end any communication means with the second guy. He was not there when I was sick. I didn’t feel his concern even if we’re miles apart and I felt I was begging for his attention. It just won’t work. He blocked me in his socials (which is a first for me, usually I am the one who blocks lol) but given the current state I have now, I learned to accept it and chose to move forward.
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June
Explored options on work/study program abroad. We got a new car (Xpander) which my father was able to purchase after borrowing money from us. That money could’ve been used for my Japan trip on December (plot twist it was cancelled due to fucking corona) but it’s okay I guess I’ll save another again.
I also got my student permit (yes I learned how to drive months after hehe)
July
THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL FOR THIS YEAR. There were some modifications in the quarantine and so my employer required and FORCED us to report on site in Makati despite of high number of positive cases. All I can say is SCREW THEM and I hope karma will do its thing on their business. The management.. the bosses.. they are all inconsiderate fucks for not allowing me to work at home instead. The situation forced me to resign but they chose to terminate me instead. The unemployment took its toll on my mental health, it caused me great depression and anxiety which forced me to look for distractions.. anything that will ease my mind.
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Oh and btw, I bought my first laptop from hard earned money. Oh boy, it was satisfying to give myself the things my parents couldn’t afford that time I was still in school. It’s a gaming laptop and the one I’m using to type now. I absolutely love it and I used it to find online jobs later on..
I read Looking for Alaska by John Green again after watching the TV series on Hulu. Geez, this has to be my favorite book so far. The seeking of great perhaps.. which was very timely on my mood while having nothing else to do.
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Lastly, TAYLOR SWIFT RELEASED A NEW ALBUM CALLED FOLKLORE. In the middle pandemic? Awesome right and this album kept me sane during this crazy and miserable month. Oh and on December, she released folklore’s sister album.. Evermore. Miss Swift saved me again with her music. This will definitely be one of the albums I will play when I’m old and gray knitting sweaters and wearing cardigan.
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August
I started and finished my driving lesson in manual. JFC, I realized driving gives me a huge anxiety. One thing is for sure, I will prefer to drive automatic. Not driving that shit again.
I was still hooked with Looking for Alaska. Also purchased Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck on the time I bought LFA.
On the other hand, I was also actively looking for new jobs this time.
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September
ON SEPT. 30 I GOT HIRED! I was super happy to start on a new job. It gave me hope once again to continue on this journey called life. After almost 3 months, we are def back to business!
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I also got the chance to get this Thyroid issue checked. Unfortunately, there was no major stuff going on with my thyroid. Basically, I’m perfectly healthy. What sucks is that the doctor invalidated my previous condition and said I only have ~anxiety which is the cause of my symptoms (excessive sweating and palpitations). I will seek professional help on this anxiety stuff anytime in the future.
Lastly, I played Grand Chase again and met someone in the game. Well technically we haven’t met yet but since then, I got used to talking with this guy and he is part of my daily routine now. I won’t spoil much details but as soon as this is all over, I can’t wait to meet this person :)
*cue Grand Chase soundtrack*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoK0bAjsHoo
October
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE! It was a typical birthday. I don’t have much realizations. If I had one, I need to think thoroughly again lol.
Busy with training on the new job and this has been the most challenging training I ever had since I started working.
NOVEMBER
WORK WORK WORK. Super stressed and my anxiety was on the roof. I thought of giving up already but then again it was too early to quit. I haven’t seen my full potential on this job yet and so I chose to keep on fighting.
I also finally got braces. Let’s get these smiles fixed.
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December
WORK WORK WORK AGAIN. My work caused me a huge anxiety cause I was given high priority cases -.-But overall, I can say the holidays went great. I finally got to spend time with the family outside. Don’t worry cause we still practiced precautions and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out once in a while to have some fresh air. We went to the beach and pretty much that’s the highlight of this month.
Things are getting serious with this guy I’m talking about.. Seriously, he makes me happy every single day.
I also won in Christmas raffle. Oppo phone. (I have the odds in my favor when it comes to raffles lol)
Feels weird to celebrate this holiday too thinking a lot of hardships were experienced in the last few months of quarantine. I was thinking about all the lives lost by covid and hoping they are in the peaceful place now..
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JANUARY (NOW)
After everything that happened, oddly the start of the year gives me a sense of hope. Sure I am still carrying the trauma 2020 gave me but I am slowly leaving all of them behind. I want a fresh start and I want to let go of the things that gave me pain. I don’t have solid resolutions just like in my teenage years. Guess I’m too old for that. Not saying it’s okay to not have plans for the future and just go with the flow but I promise to not be too hard on myself and to not pressure myself on the goals I haven’t achieved yet. It’s really a struggle to plan things ahead given the situation but as always, I will do my best. I will stop comparing my progress to somebody else’s cause everyone has their own timeline.
I will listen to my heart and my mind to determine the things I really want. I promise to reevaluate the decisions I am making each day. I will not be afraid of making mistakes because that’s how I learn.
I am embracing my anxiety of uncertainty. It’s okay to feel afraid because I am always trying on how to overcome my fear. I strive each day because I am more than just a ball of anxiety. The palpitations.. the sweating.. they don’t define me. I have the power to control them and they won’t stop me from being the better version of myself.
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maiaphaelsource · 4 years
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with maiaphael and religion i definitely think they both have a relationship where they both have a feeling of guilt regarding it mixed with a sense of comfort. i can't really speak on catholicism that much but as a black american especially raised around nyc i can definitely imagine how maia's relationship is. like she most definitely was raised in a semi religious household where it was likely that she had to attend church every sunday aka spending your entire day at church bc (1/?)
the pastor never knew when to stop preaching making you wish you were home because the sound of stomping and people singing becomes too much after the 3rd hour😭. but maia definitely has a weird relationship with church because of the rampant queerphobia/transphobia that's present in black church spaces. but i think that as maia grew older her parents slowly stopped making going to church weekly a requirement and even though she doesn't go as often now there's still some fond moments of probably hanging out with the other kids at sunday brunches or the few out queer people who were always kind to her there. so in regards to helping out at churches with raphael i think it's likely after maia processes the trauma that church brought her and once she does reach a certain place where she can go back w/o heavily feeling the impact of what she endured during childhood she definitely goes to help raphael with volunteering and at the same time the both of them find comfort in being able to talk to someone else who had a similar traumatic experience that fills them with guilt long afterwards. like yea their religion had a negative impact but at the same time there's this sense of comfort that it brings them as it was a place of community. (a little side note, maia most DEFINITELY listen to gospel music. church may have been prolonged but the music hit different!!) over time maiaphael probably helps to provide a safety network to those closeted b/c they both know how it feels to be rejected from a place that preaches community. she's simply immortal hence why she's able to do all these things because why not and plus there's the polycule😌. but yea here was one of my rambles about maiaphael that's not even fully complete (with an additional projection cause attending church for 5+ hours was a nightmare as a child😭)(5/5)- maiaphael anon😎
thank you so much for your headcanons!! i agree completely. i also feel like that relationship is very similar to the relationship many latinos have with religion/church. obviously i can't speak for them all, much less latino immigrants in the US, but yes. to many latinos church is one of the only places where they feel safe and build a sense of community. church is where people help each other, where many celebrations are held, where people feel listened to, etc. and it can feel a bit suffocating at times because if you leave church, you are alone, and shunned, and there's of course the whole relationship with colonialism. churches in latin america have been spaces of both resistance (as traditional and afro religions were mixed with catholicism and it was a place where people got to mutually aid and also where a lot of progressive movements were formed) and oppression (as many people are still forced to stay there if they want to keep getting help, food, and other supplies, not to mention a general sense of community). so it's a very complicated relationship, mixing in fond memories, family, feelings of guilt, fear, being smothered, loneliness and compassion. and it's particularly complicated when you're queer
also, yes, church was endless dudndi god. but ngl, i do love gospel music, esp black us-american gospel music, and i can definitely see maia being into that! especially considering how many black and latino singers start out at church choir and find their love and opportunities to do music there
anyway! my point is that i feel this deeply (and thanks for sharing something so personal with me too) and i feel like it's slightly different because raphael didn't fully get to process his trauma, as he was never away from church except from when he was too busy handling other, worse traumas. and then church became something of a safe haven that brought him comfort in regards to those traumas (while simultaneously bringing in guilt and making him feel like a monster), so, yeah. complicated
i have the headcanon that rosa ended up turning away from church, so maybe he got to deal with some of the trauma through that and defending her against their mom, who meant well, but thought that rosa turning away from catholicism meant abandoning their family/community/culture. i can only imagine how much harder that hits when you're an immigrant, too
but maybe the first time raphael actually got to talk about his trauma was when maia brought it up. and she was like "you know, i haven't been able to get into a church ever since i ran away from home". and raphael turns to her and admits, very quietly, that he can understand that. and he admits to some parts of his issues with religion that he hadn't confessed to anyone (felt too guilty to), not even magnus (especially since magnus had already helped him find his way back to his religion at some personal cost to himself, so how could raphael complain about that to him?)
it just feels good that maia understands and maia is also very happy that raphael gets it because there's always that fear that she will be rejected and shunned for speaking up about how she felt regarding church, especially to someone who still attends it. but raphael understands and welcomes her and relates to her, and she realizes that she hadn't really gotten to talk about that with anyone, either (luke was raised a shadowhunter so he doesn't really get it, jordan obviously didn't care, the rest of the pack or the polycule can't relate as the only one who was raised mundane is jewish)
and for the first time she talks about her trauma without feeling the need to explain or hide anything and she ends up crying in his arms, and raphael holds her and cries a bit, too, but mostly he just comforts her and listens to her and tells her he's so sorry
and slowly she starts to process it and while she won't turn back to christianity she manages to go help with the soup kitchen because it's an opportunity to help other people, and with raphael there, she feels safe :')
also hell yes immortal maia we stan
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APH China Musings
When I start thinking about China, and sometimes countries in general, I get this total disconnect between how the anime/manga portrays the country (especially China) and how a lot of headcanons have them as, especially reading headcanons and art about ancient days. 
Ok China-specific content below (headcanons at the very end): Very long post warning
Most of the canon shows him as a sort of weird old grandpa who doesn’t really have all his nuts and bolts in his brainpan and pretends to be cool or whatever (when he’s really not) while his kids all mock him. That APH China has a soft spot for cute things and can’t really understand the others ig, which again kinda makes him a laughingstock for his kids. But, the headcanons I’ve read show him as a really manipulative, sly Old Man who enters contracts/treaties/friendships to benefit him, not for the sake of being kind, and doesn’t really see everybody else on an even level with him which... clashes somewhat to a lot with the canon. HOWEVER, this cunning, darker (?) version of him is way more historically accurate... I like certain things from both versions (and I also like being historically accurate as much as possible) and the fact that headcanons vs canon is so contrasting makes it kinda hard to have one concrete China for my headcanons, it’s like he has split personalities or something lol.
Side note: I’ve never heard/known of anyone Chinese ever saying -aru in English, so... It might be just a voice tic of Chinese people when speaking Japanese, but I sort of get annoyed when it’s added in every other sentence he says in a fanfic. He doesn’t talk like that in the English dubbed anime either, and it seems that the English translations of the manga have also omitted the -aru (except for one strip I believe, correct me if I’m wrong). So please don’t add it in fanfics unless you want the characters to all be speaking Japanese with their own unique voice tics.
However, I do like some parts of the canon portrayal, SUCH AS: his doing tai chi every morning, the portrayal of his relationship with Japan before the “betrayal”, and apparently how he “isn't one to waste a second of time” (from the wiki). So in my head, I try to meld the canon and Sly Old Man together, because I like some aspects of China that may not be explained by either the country’s history, culture, or stereotypes, and honestly I feel like some parts of a country’s personality can just appear spontaneously; you don’t need to be able to explain every part of you from your past experience or the people and country that you make up and represent.
Without further ado, the Headcanons!
- MORNING PERSON, does the whole tai chi thing in the morning with the birds in his garden or something, finds it very relaxing, and then goes back inside for an actual breakfast (I have no idea what he’d eat because Chinese cuisine varies A LOT from region to region, ex. in the north/Beijing region there’s usually soy milk, “Chinese oil stick” which is basically like salty fried dough sticks, and “tofu brains” <-- literal translation, it’s a sort of soupy thing with very soft tofu (very good). In the south, there’s a lot of sweet meats and dim sum, almost like a mini lunch sort of thing, etc.) He’d also drink tea, and never adds sugar (I don’t think restaurants in China ever actually give you sugar packets with tea)
- I feel like he’d be a CAT PERSON nowadays dogs as pets have become more popular in China but before, cats were more common (I think) because of their usefulness as pest control and the fact that they can get their own food; dogs weren’t really kept except to be guard dogs. I feel he’d have gotten used to cats, and also he’d enjoy a quiet pet’s company more
- ANCIENT DAYS/RELATIONSHIPS: He’d probably be slightly manipulative, and ENTER relationships for a trade benefit/power/control/good stuff, but if the relationship goes well and the person is charming (Rome cough cough), he’d slowly warm up and become real friends after a while.
- I agree with the Sly Old Man treatment of COLONIES/TRIBUTE STATES, he’d probably just protect them for the benefits instead of actual Love (but isn’t that what all countries do these days). I do see him as very patronizing to his underlings, because of a) his age and him thinking that he’s seen it all with his dynasty changes and wars and stuff and b) Confucianism, which said to respect your elders and all that, so I think it’d make him slightly full of himself and patronizing (the wiki says this is also his current attitude and I can see that). But I see a situation similar to the relationship one playing out here; as he gets more and more contact with a tribute state he actually grows closer to them in the Normal Human Feeling way, so that would explain his feeling of betrayal when Japan left (literally back-stabbing him), as well as his feeling sad (not just because he lost a trade partner and revenue maker) when Korea was taken. For his tribute states, my headcanon for their relationship is pretty much summed up in this post (esp his relationship with Korea, but also Japan a bit): https://stirringwinds.tumblr.com/post/119403708770/tsk-look-at-you-all-battered-and-bruised-its (patronizing but still caring)
- VERY PRAGMATIC AND EXTREMELY BLUNT. I have no explanation, he just seems like this kind of person (and according to the wiki, he “isn't one to waste a second of time”). Doesn’t care at all if he offends you, intentionally or not (unless he’s trying to impress, of course).
- VERY TRADITIONAL. He probably knows at least a handful of traditional instruments, pipa, ma tou qin, gu zheng, erhu, xun, etc. And will roast people on the internet if they play them wrong (a while back at some really fancy gathering, there was a performer who was in front, mind you, playing a yu (wind instrument) upside down and totally wrong, and that caused a huge firestorm in Chinese social media. I’d like to think China would have been one of those people to be like “what are you doing you know you just made a fool of yourself right?” Incidentally, there’s also an idiom related to the yu that is literally about playing it wrong (literally it’s something like one bad apple can be covered up in a sea of good ones but one by one, people will see you’re bad))
- TRADITIONAL pt. 2: good at calligraphy and also very good at guessing dui lian (apparently called antithetical couplets) hung up during the Lunar New Year. Also adhering to tradition, he gathers up everybody for every single big Chinese/Asian festival to eat together. I know Japan doesn’t interact much with China and China still feels betrayed by him in the manga (the Japanese and Chinese relationship nowadays still isn’t the greatest/closest for multiple reasons) but I’m going to take liberties (and my heart needs fluff). Also, if China invites/drags everybody but Japan to his house, I feel like that’s awkward and one of his kids/siblings would get Japan to come anyway. There would be a lot of arguing at the dinner, about food, politics, memes (from HK), trends, or anything really, but it’s all in good fun, yeah?
- MODERN POLITICS: still a bit of Sly Old Man, and probably very stuck in his ways. Some countries he doesn’t really respect. For example, he doesn’t see America as a fully respectable adult, probably because a) he’s still older and b) I think China agrees with his government’s structure to a point? Like with the way he suffered during the collapse of the Qing Dynasty (Boxer Rebellion, WWI, etc.) I think he’d take any system (including communism) that worked and improved people’s lives. At heart, I think China wants to do what’s right for the people, and at the time, the Communist Party promised that people’s lives would get better under their leadership, and for some, it did. That convinced so many people to take their promise, and I think China would have supported it at the time. As well as, I believe that country’s perspectives of their government is /somewhat/ influenced or warped by their people’s perspective, and /most/ people in China are /okay/ satisfied with the central govt. (not extending this to regional govts, that’s kinda a different issue). So I see China (as a character) being mostly satisfied, and America’s criticism and complaints about him pretty much bounce off, because China doesn’t see his comments worthy of respecting, especially because his govt. is doing ok from his point of view. There are definitely things that need working on, but he won’t take US criticism.
- SLY OLD MAN pt. 2: Basically the same as the tribute state thing, he’ll help you out initially to get your benefits, but if you last long enough, he’ll gradually grow friendship feelings. I feel like this is what real China is trying to do with the “Belt and Road”, basically spreading influence to less developed countries, although it may not be working out. Sort of like manipulation, which also fits in with the Sly Old Man thing.
- I can see why Hima originally designed China as being a bit cold, because I feel if he doesn’t need you, he won’t really talk to you. Although as mentioned above, I also see him start to care for somebody once he takes the effort to get to know you, and will probably care for his close friends long after they’re actually needed.
- I agree with the canon that he can GET ANNOYED EASILY AND SNAPS A LOT, but I see this happening only with people he thinks aren’t interesting enough, are below him, or don’t get him (or are just incessantly annoying).
- Also a bit EGOTISTICAL, but doesn’t show most of the time. Unless you happen to mention a recent achievement, and then he’ll go “Haha! I did that ____ (pick a number from 1,000 to 4,000) years ago!” or something and probably roast you
- SENTIMENTAL OLD SOUL: often reminisces about the past when alone, or with someone he truly trusts (that used to be Japan, but...). Slips into “how did the world get like this?” sometimes to a lot. Feels lonely sometimes too, and can be found stargazing on his front stoop at night
- RELAXING: if he doesn’t have work, he’ll just relax at his house, probably take a long bath/shower and just do nothing, maybe play some sort of instrument for fun, go into his garden and paint/walk around and enjoy the flowers, or watch some new addictive show. If he feels like working, he’ll cook dinner for all his kids/siblings and invite them over (this will also be done if he thinks one is overworking)
Ok those are all the headcanons for now, but probably will be more to come. My love for this Old Man is infinite <3. If you want, reblog/submit/comment your own aph China headcanons! Do you think I did him justice?
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