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jockbroski34 · 4 months

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The Jockrooms

I hated gym class. I wasn't athletic and I didn’t like playing sports. Worst of all, I was stuck with the dumb jocks in my class. Today, one of them, Kyle, threw a dodgeball right at my face. The force was immense. As the ball collided with me with the speed of a bullet train, I felt myself lose my balance and I tumbled onto the ground. I sat on the ground in a daze, my head spinning from the raw power exerted from the ball. If he threw it any harder, I’d be sent to the nurse.

Kyle was one of the tallest guys in the school, towering at an impressive 6’4, and he was just as strong as he was tall. He was huge and he made sure that everyone knew it. He was proof that God picked favorites in terms of genetics. The guy had pretty much everything, except for a working brain. He had little problem asserting dominance on those he viewed as weaker than him. To him, I was yet another easy target with my wimpy constitution.

His jock friends cheered and high-fived him for how savagely he destroyed me. Our gym teacher did nothing to discourage his aggressive behavior, but I wouldn’t expect any less from the football coach. Those were his boys after all. They could probably get away with murder and he’d still cover for them. I sat down on the sidelines, covering my swollen cheek, as I was forced to watch Kyle and his goons dominate the rest of my team.

After what felt like an eternity, the teacher dismissed us to go change and I was relieved. I was still covering my cheek, bruised from the dodgeball that was lobbed at me. I sat down on the bench and opened my locker to change my clothes. I felt a hand bump me as Kyle and his entourage walked past me.

“Sorry about that, bro,” he said, in a condescending manner. “You’re supposed to dodge the ball, not get hit by it. That’s why they call it dodgeball.” I had to admit, that’s the smartest he’s ever sounded.

“Whatever, you dumb jock,” I scoffed, ignoring his “advice” as he and his jock friends walked by. I wasn’t sure if they were snickering at his lame attempt for a joke or at me, but I didn’t really care. I doubt that they had much for brains either, with only sports and sex being the only thing keeping their testosterone-ridden minds running.

I glared over at Kyle while he was changing. I had to give him credit. He was very handsome, and he knew it, but that just made me hate him even more. He was a guy who people either loved or hated, but his arrogant fuckboy attitude would be a turn-off for anyone who wasn’t as shallow as him. I began to wonder why he had to be the one gifted with such a nice body. If I was as strong as him, what would I do?

I finished changing into my regular school attire, but I felt the urge to go to the bathroom. By the time I finished emptying my bladder, the locker room was completely empty. Amidst the ghost town, something caught my eye.

I noticed a door that wasn’t there earlier at the end of the hallway opposite of me. It looked out of place compared to anything I’ve seen in the school. It was crimson with a silver knob. I could hear something coming from the other side of the door, but I couldn’t make out anything. It didn’t sound like construction.

For some reason, I almost felt like it was calling out to me. Even though I needed to get to my next class, I needed to know what was behind the door. My curiosity got the best of me as I put my hand on the handle. It was warm, but not enough to burn my hand. I hesitated for a moment before opening the door and I took my first steps in.

I tried to gather my bearings in this foreign room. The room was very warm, steamy almost, with the smell of sweat lingering in the air. It smelled like our locker room and the heat was far too much, almost like a sauna. I knew I wouldn’t last long in this heat, so I figured it was best to head back to class. I turned around, but instead of reaching for the door, I walked face first into a wall. …This was where I came from, right?

“Hello? Helloooo!” I shouted, hoping someone would come to my rescue. The only voice that responded was my own as my words echoed throughout the room. I sighed. Looks like I’ll have to find my own way out.

I realized that this would not be easy as I looked ahead. I saw rows of lockers all around me and to my horror, the maze stretched out further than I could possibly imagine. This room alone looked larger than the school itself! Why did the school need this many lockers? I decided to follow the line of lockers to find out if there was an exit at the end. I started to hear a buzzing sound, not from the sounds of the lights, but from a different source, along with a voice so quiet that I couldn’t understand what it was saying. I honestly felt like I was hallucinating. Perhaps the ball Kyle threw at me actually put me in a coma.

I followed the row of lockers, the numbers increasing with every step. The bold red lockers complemented the dark walls and white ceiling. As I walked forward, I was tempted by turns and corners, filled with even more lockers. I did not want to risk getting even more lost so I simply walked as close to a straight line as possible. I found myself sweating profusely, drenching my T-shirt and jeans. As I was getting more and more sweaty, I was also getting dehydrated, and there seemed to be no sign of any water fountains. I was surprised that they had not installed any, but that wasn’t even the weirdest thing because nothing made sense here.

My heart sunk as I entered an empty room, a dead end. If whoever built this place had any sense of interior design, there would be a door here. I observed my surroundings, but there seemed to be no sign of any way out. This was going to be longer than I thought. I realized I would have to give an explanation to my teacher about why I was so late, but she would never believe an excuse like this. That is, if I can even find a way out of here. I looked down, surprised to find a bottle of some sort. It looked to be some sort of beverage. It looked to be a sandy brown. I would’ve preferred…no…I desperately needed water, but I would be a fool to ignore any amount of hydration.

I untwisted the cap, and was surprised by the strange smell of the liquid. It didn’t smell foul, but it didn’t smell sweet either. I closed my eyes and took a sip, but I grimaced at the mixture of bitterness and saltiness. The chalky taste lingered in my mouth, but at least it made me feel more alert. Despite the unpleasant taste, I knew it was better than nothing, so I chugged the bottle before dropping it on the ground, making sure not to miss any drop. To my surprise, I felt more full of energy than I ever had before. But for some reason, as my body was starting to digest the drink, I felt as though the room was shrinking before my eyes. Wait, was I getting taller? Maybe this place is messing with my head. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind being a couple inches taller. Maybe Kyle would stop picking on me if I was on his level.

The downside, however, was that I was starting to feel even more sweaty to the point that my clothes were now flooded to the point of no return. I knew they would smell of sweat forever no matter how many times I washed them, so I figured that stripping would be the better option. I can always change back into my gym clothes when I get back. I desperately hoped that I was all alone here so no one would see me in this embarrassing state. I looked at the locker at the end of the room. 1000. The numbers went up to at least 1000? This had to be some kind of sick joke. I was frustrated, but I knew I had to retrace my steps in order to find a way out of here.

A strange idea entered my head after walking into several more dead ends, seemingly out of nowhere. If I went to my own locker, would I find something there? It sounded like a stupid idea since I would miss out on other potential paths, but it just felt right. Besides, I had no other leads. My locker number was 0136. I continued walking back trying to test if my hypothesis was correct. My body was trying to fight back against my exhaustion and my mind was trying to stop itself from being drowned out by the subliminal noise. It felt like this place was messing with me in some way. I had to find a way out of here.

Eventually, my eyes lit up as I turned a corner to find lockers numbered in the 0100s. I felt my body guiding me until I found a locker that appeared to be left open. All of the others were closed, so maybe it had some significance? 0133…0134…0135…0136! I chuckled at the coincidence that my locker would be the one that was different like I knew it would be. Inside, I found yet another one of those same drinks from before, a piece of paper, and a…red jockstrap? I chugged the drink desperate to feel hydrated. For some reason, it tasted better than I remembered. The paper appeared to be some kind of riddle.

“Only this way is right.”

“The combination will show you the light.”

Turns out I was right to come this way. For some reason, it seems like this room was made specifically for me. I was more curious about the second line. “The combination will show you the light.” If my locker number was what led me here, then surely my locker combination would be the next hint. 05-13-34. 51334? I shuddered, knowing that my journey would be a lot longer than I had anticipated. Hopefully this helps me escape from this hell.

I started to wonder who wrote this, but I didn’t even know who built this room in the first place. None of this makes any sense. I might not even be in school anymore. This could be some sort of pocket dimension. I could be dreaming, or I could be in a coma. I looked back in the locker, my eyes fixated on the red jockstrap. It looked like it had already been worn and was a size too big for my skinny frame, but for some reason, I felt an urge to put it on. I stripped out of my dripping boxers and put on the jockstrap.

To my surprise, it actually fit perfectly around my crotch area. I expected to feel uncomfortable, but instead I felt liberated. If only there was a mirror in here. My cock bulged as it stretched out the red fabric. I could’ve sworn it looked bigger, but I knew I was just imagining things. Regardless, I felt faster and full of stamina and virility.

I was not an athlete though. Only the jocks wore jockstraps, and I hated them, but I couldn’t even remember why. Why was I so mad at Kyle earlier? My memories of today started to blur. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t remember anything. I had no comprehension of time anymore. Who knows how long I have been in here. I sprinted ahead down the hallway, with a newfound sense of energy that I had never felt before, as I needed to find locker 51334. The heavy sound of my big feet created a steady rhythm, almost like a drum. My body seemed to move on its own like it was on autopilot.

As I ran forward, the audio grew louder, yet the words remained just as shrouded as they were before. Despite that, I felt like I started to understand the words deep down. A weird contradiction, I know. Wherever the source of the noise was, it had to be coming from that direction. I knew in my heart that this was the right way.

I kept on going for what could’ve been hours. Who even knows at this point. The concept of time was foreign to this place. If you told me I was gone for a week, I’d believe you. I kept on finding the same drinks from earlier on benches scattered around. They were the only thing keeping my head in the game. They gave me strength, but eventually I stopped seeing them as I became reminded by the intense heat of the room and of all the dead ends I had run into. I had to be in the 40000s as I began to feel fatigue again and it felt like my body was finally about to give in. My body felt sore and swollen as if I was still recovering from a workout. Workout? Since when did I care about the gym? Maybe this jockstrap was rubbing off on me more than I thought. But I’ll never be like Kyle or the other jocks, I assured myself.

I kept going. My body was pushing itself to the limit, while my mind started to wander. I became worried that I was gonna miss the game that was on tonight. Me and the bros were going to watch it together and I didn’t want to miss it. I couldn’t even comprehend how unnatural these thoughts felt. I should be thinking about playing the new update for my favorite MMO, not watching sports. But bros always come first…

I felt like I was going crazy, like this giant locker room maze was having an effect on me. I was awakened from my trance by a sudden realization. I needed to get to practice. It was like an alarm clock went off in my head. The last thing I wanted was to get dropped from the team due to poor attendance. This renewed sense of urgency was what kept me going instead of passing out from the heat and exhaustion.

At long last, I was greeted by a room that was surprisingly familiar to me. It felt like a second home to me. It was like the actual locker room in my school, but on a larger scale. I looked at the number next to me. 50000. This had to be the right way. I was almost there. The background noise was at its loudest here, but I still could not find any source, but at this point I didn’t mind it. It honestly helped me calm down a little. I checked every locker in this large room, until I saw it. 51334. It was half open, so I pried it open, with a sense of strength that I had never felt before. Inside the locker, I found another note and a larger bottle of the same drink. I gulped every drop down like I had just found an oasis. This one tasted better even compared to the rest. I read the note, hoping to be free from my prison.

“Inside the locker you will hide”

“The way back is on the flipped side”

I had to get in the locker? It was a weird instruction, but I followed the orders. I was surprised I was able to fit into it with my bulky build. I turned to the other side to read what it said. My eyes widened as I felt a sense of dread run down my spine.

“Close the door but don’t be shocked”

“When you wake up, you’ll be a jock!”

Shit, I didn’t want to become one of the jocks! I valued my intelligence too much to stoop down to their level. But it was already too late as the door shut itself on its own and I felt the ground below me vibrate. Was this truly the only way out or was I doomed to join them from the start? I tried to break my way free, but my strength dwindled as my eyes dulled and I passed out from exhaustion.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up on one of the benches to the sound of metal and heavy chatter. To my relief, I was finally back in the real world. The football team was getting ready for practice. Damn, I really did miss the whole day. To make things worse, Kyle was standing right over me. Great. Despite everything though, I actually kinda missed him. That was probably the first sign that something was very wrong with me.

“Bro, wake up!” he said as he shook me. I looked down. I was dripping in sweat and I was wearing only my jockstrap. The fact that I was wearing the same red jockstrap was proof that it wasn’t a dream. “You alright dude? Coach says you were passed out here for hours!”

I regained my consciousness, surprised to see him concerned for me. “Bro, you’ll never guess what happened. I was in this, like, weird maze, dude. Lockers everywhere.” I was genuinely shocked by the words that came out of my mouth. I sounded like a total dudebro.

“Bro, are you high? What are you talking about?” Kyle chuckled at how absurd I sounded. I felt embarrassed because I honestly sounded as stupid as him.

“I’m not lying, bro! There was a door right there!” I got up and pointed towards where the door should be. It wasn’t there. I looked like I was insane.

“You sure you’re okay after gym, bro? I figured you’d catch that dodgeball since you’re such a good wide receiver. Must’ve gone too hard. Practice should help clear your head.”

“Practice? Wide receiver? What the fuck are you talking about?” I didn’t play any sports. Before today, I didn’t even know any teams outside of famous ones and the ones local to us. I didn’t know any positions, any rules, or any players. If that was the case, then why did it all feel so familiar to me?

“Did you lose your memory or some shit? Let me refresh you, bro. You play football and you’re our wide receiver. You hang out with me and the boys every day. You’re a total jock, bro. You’re hardly a genius, but surely that rings a bell, right dude?” My eyes became fixated on his charming blue eyes, and I felt myself sink into them as if they were the ocean, as he reminded me about my place in the world. Finally, things started to make sense…but…

What the fuck? You hated Kyle. You didn’t play football. You weren’t friends! But for some reason, that didn’t seem right.

You loved Kyle. He was one of your best friends. You guys played football together. You guys basically ruled the school. You didn’t need to think much because you compensated with raw strength and power. Brawn over brains, bro. You were a jock and you always will be one.

“Huhu…Now you’re making sense bro,” I chuckled. I only now realized how much I changed, with how deep my voice was. How much of a cocky douchebag I looked with that smirk plastered on my face. How much bigger and stronger and taller I was. How toned and perfect every muscle in my jock body was. I should hate this, but why does it feel so good? “I had a dream that I was someone else. A total nerd, bro. It was awful.”

“That person never existed. This is who you were and always will be. Just think back to when we met, bro.” He said it with his usual cocky grin, but I felt no malice from it. I assumed he was gaslighting me into believing that I lived a different life, but he seemed genuine. I remembered him cracking up at one of my dumb jokes at practice and we started hanging out both in and out of school. Memories of the practices and football games and parties we shared filled my mind and I smiled as I looked fondly back on those days. No…I shouldn’t remember this. But for some reason, it all felt real to me, like I accidentally stumbled into some parallel universe where I was one of Kyle’s jock bros.

I felt any semblance of my former self lose control as my jock self remembered that he was the only me. I was an intruder in my jock body, someone that was never there and shouldn’t be there. I felt my thoughts slow down as my new self started overwriting any old memories with his own, and I started to remember who I really was, a jock. I wanted to die inside, watching me become another asshole jock just like Kyle, but as I was fading away, I started to remember why I liked being a jock so much in the first place. I got to be big, strong, and popular. I could fuck anyone I wanted with my massive cock. Who cared if I was a little dense? Definitely outweighed being a fucking nerd. I knew it was the jock in me talking, but it didn’t matter anymore because that’s all I was now. My cock bulged further in my jockstrap as my conscious mind was engulfed by my real self.

“Sorry bro, it’s just been a crazy day. Let's get ready for practice.”

“You’re going to practice in just that? Haven’t gotten off yet today, bro?” Kyle chuckled, pointing at my red jockstrap, which was already leaking with precum. I became embarrassed as I noticed the damp stain on my favorite jockstrap. And that Kyle was staring right at my 9 inch bulge.

“Nah, bro. I gotta get changed. Why are you looking at my dick, bro?” I became defensive, not comfortable with one of my bros staring at my erect cock. Kyle was hot and all, but this just felt wrong to me.

Kyle stammered, looking for an excuse. I could’ve sworn that his bulge grew as well in his tight football pants. “I just never realized how big it is, bro. No homo though.” He snickered, trying to ease the sexual tension. “Come on, Coach will be pissed if we take too long. Probably will make us run extra laps.” Before we left, I took one look in the mirror to admire my awesome body before joining Kyle and the others.

I had been playing football ever since I was in middle school so it’s no surprise that I was a natural. I worked up a serious sweat, but it was nothing I wasn’t used to with Coach’s exercises. He worked us to the bone every day. When I came home, my mom was cooking dinner and she asked me how practice was, and I told her good as usual with a smile on my face. For a second, I was surprised my mom knew I played football, but then I remembered that my parents were always supportive of my athletic career. They always dropped their plans to cheer me on at my games.

Later, Kyle invited me and the bros over to watch the game. I went over there as I had done many times before and I was greeted by my bros, people who I’ve known for just as long as Kyle. After all, If they were his bros, they were my bros. We laughed and joked around as we always did until the game started.

We gathered into Kyle’s room, big enough for seven guys, but man did I forget how much we reeked after practice. We always shouted a ton during the game and I’m honestly surprised we never got any noise complaints from the neighbors. It was like our own little frat party hosted in Kyle’s room. We got really into it, but we were devastated when the opposing team scored in the last minute to gain the lead and win the game. A wave of sadness and anger filled the air as everyone started to leave. Everyone but me. Kyle told me to stay for a little bit longer.

“Are you gonna make me feel better or what?” he ordered. He was really upset about the loss.

“How, bro?” I responded. Did he want me to crack a joke for him? Give him a bro hug?

“I figured you remembered. I need someone to relieve my stress.” He grabbed his massive cock in his shorts and wiggled it around, helping me put two and two together. “We found out one drunk night how good of a cocksucker you are, so you agreed to ‘lend me a hand’ if I ever need it. Don’t worry, this is our little secret.”

“Oh, sorry bro. I completely forgot.” God, that was a wild night. It was an embarrassing request, but I knew I was just helping a brother out. I got on my knees and serviced Kyle as he made himself comfortable. He grabbed the back of my head with his firm palms, covered with callouses from years of pumping iron, and pushed his girthy shaft deeper into the depths of my mouth. I was surprised at my lack of a gag reflex as this mass of meat clogged my throat. I swallowed load after load of his hot, sticky semen until we had enough.

“Gotta say, bro, you suck dick better than like 90 percent of chicks I’ve been with. You sure you’re not a little faggy?” he teased. I laughed and rebuked his claims. I’m sure even some straight guys would be tempted by him and his impressive rod, and I’m no different. We quickly changed the subject and we pretended like that never happened. Neither of us wanted the other to know how much we enjoyed it.

To this day, I don’t know what the purpose of the jockrooms was. Doesn’t really matter though. As far as I’ve known, I’ve always been a jock and that’s all anyone has ever seen me as. It is real though. It was after gym class a few weeks later. When we were changing, I saw a nerd, Kevin, walk down the same hallway I did at one point. I felt like I knew him at one point, but that obviously wasn’t true. Why would I hang out with someone like him? I hid around the corner and watched as he approached the red door. I smirked as he put his hand on the door and opened it, taking his first steps into his new life. If you can’t beat us, you might as well join us.

I was eager to see Kevin at practice later. He woke up on the same bench I did, wearing a jockstrap like me, almost completely unrecognizable from the person he was hours ago. He took a moment to adjust, but we helped him remember how much of a jock he was. Once a jock, always a jock. I will never understand why the two of us thought we were nerds before. After all, I’ve known Kev most of my life and I was the one who introduced him to Kyle and the others. He’s been my best friend since 3rd grade and we were inseparable. We were practically in sync on the field. It felt awesome knowing that we were the kings of the school, and whoever hated us was just jealous that they’re not us.

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healmydesires · 1 year

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forever in your eyes (j.m)

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

summary: It wasn’t like you hadn’t dated before. You had been on plenty of dates since you’ve been in Jackson, too many actually, you’ve even been in a semi serious relationship, but unfortunately, nobody had really charmed their way into your heart like they were supposed to. You’ve never been in love, always thought that falling in love wasn’t meant for you. Until one day, you meet a certain grumpy man.

genre: fluff + romance + angst + smut (18+ mdni)

word count: 15k+

tags/warnings: age gap (reader is 27, joel is in his early 50’s), takes place post s1, very minimal use of y/n, soft!joel tbh, kinda shy!reader… at least with joel, flirty joel, joel deserves to be loved, assumed unrequited love from both sides, reader described as shorter than joel, mutual pining, inexperienced/virgin!reader, unprotected sex, piv sex, loss of virginity, soft!dom joel, sub!reader, vaginal fingering, oral (f!receiving), joel has high key an oral fixation, kinda pleasure!dom?, multiple orgasms, creampie, some breeding kink, overstimulation, size kink, joel is huge… literally packing oof, lots of pet names (darlin, sweetheart, angel, baby girl, etc.), reader has a sister (named emilie, so if that’s your name I’m so sorry 😭😭😭 you can imagine another name then ��. I didn’t want it to be y/s/n because that would be so annoying to write imo).

a/n: this is my first joel fic. this is kinda more soft tbh… might be a bit oc? I don’t know but I love it. It’s pretty self indulgent !!! I’ve always loved writing but I got a lot discouraged in the past, giving up on it. I was inspired to start writing again by some of my favourite writers @joelmama and @joelscruff. also english is like my third language so please be nice/gentle with me. do not give me unsolicited advice pls <3 anyways! I hope you enjoy it 🥺

please don’t forget to interact, reblog or let me know if you read/loved it! <3 thank you ily 🥺

AO3 ● playlist

You knew you had feelings for Joel Miller. You’ve always liked and cared for him, even when you first met.

You still remember the day you met him. Clear as day.

It was such a warm and beautiful day, like a year and a half ago. The sun was beaming down on you as you were reading a book that you found on one of your trips outside Jackson — on your front porch of your house. The blowing mid-summer wind was hitting your face, cooling, as if to apologise for the almost unbearable heat that Jackson was currently subjected to. The soft breeze was caressing your skin and hair making the heat a lot more bearable as you enjoyed the day.

You were so immersed in your book that you didn’t hear the people approaching you until there was a shadow descending over the pages of your book. Someone was standing in front of you, their body blocking the sun.

“Yes?” You said with a smile without looking up from your book.

“I would like to introduce you to some people.”

The voice belonged to Tommy. Tommy Miller.

Your eyes widened at that, and you looked up from your book and saw that there were two other people behind Tommy looking down at you.

“I’m sorry,” you said before you cleared your throat, giving them a sheepish smile before standing from your lounger, shielding your eyes from the sun to get a better look at the strangers in front of you.

A teenager gave you a polite smile as she introduced herself. As you gave her your name in return you finally noticed the man next to her, gave you a curt nod when you locked eyes with him. He had a broad build, dark eyes and brown peppered hair. You assumed he was around the age of fifty and you couldn’t help but find him incredibly handsome.

“This is Ellie and my brother,” Tommy smiled as he gestured to both people next to him. “They’re your new neighbours.”

You knew Tommy had an older brother but you didn't know what you had been expecting. Maybe someone less handsome. As you continued to take him in you realised you were staring. You felt your body becoming more warm as you felt him stare back at you.

“How’s it going? I’m Y/N.” You gave him a small smile as you stepped forward to extend a hand out to the man.

"Hello," he repeated your name with a deep southern accent, which did nothing to calm your racing heart. You don’t think you’ve ever heard a voice that attractive in your entire life and it made heat flood to your cheeks. His hard expression melted into a more soft one as he took your hand in his. "I’m Joel, how’s your bench going?”

Your eyes widened at his words, “My bench? How did you—”

“We saw you through the living room window earlier this morning or more like Joel did.” Ellie, the teenager said with a huge grin on her face.

“Ellie.” He warned under his breath. His ears turned red and the two of them began to argue in hushed whispers, but your mind was elsewhere as panic began to set in.

Oh my god. He noticed me?

You grew embarrassed as you realised that he saw you struggle to fix that old bench on your porch. You’re painfully aware of how clumsy you are and that you’re not handy at all but you don’t like to ask other people for help. It was not because of your pride or any of that sort, you’d hate to burden someone else with your issues, so you mostly keep trying to fix things yourself.

"Oh yeah..." You said, looking back towards the bench that has been the bane of your existence these past few days. Your words effectively pulled Joel and Ellie out of their current argument. "It's a bit broken and needs some fixing."

Joel just looked at you for a moment before speaking up again. “You know, if you want, I could come check it out?”

You felt your cheeks heat up again at his offer and you glanced over at Tommy. “Uhm…”

“We both used to be contractors back in the day, so if you ever need anything repaired or something built, we are your people. Well… Joel specifically.” Tommy laughed.

“Oh, that’s cool. I think I’m good for now though, I don’t need any help but thanks for offering.” You declined politely with a small smile. You knew you could use their or his help with repairing the bench, but you didn’t want to burden anyone. And the older brother was already making you feel flustered, you didn’t want to make a fool out of yourself when you just met.

“Alright, you know where to find me if you change your mind.” He gave you a small but genuine smile before the three of them walked away from you.

As they walked away, you released a breath you didn't realise you were holding. The hammering of your heart only registering as the distance grew between you. You felt a bit of disappointment once they were gone, a sense of longing setting in your heart as you thought about the tall and older man that you know you’ll grow to care for.

—

“God damn it. Work with me please.” You grumbled as you tried to fix one of the loose wooden planks of the bench. Sweat was dripping down your forehead as you concentrated on your task at hand. You were on the floor, crouched underneath the bench you were so desperately trying to repair. You’ve been trying to put it off for a couple of weeks now but you knew you couldn’t keep doing that. You knew you should ask someone for help but you didn’t want to give up just yet. Curse words wouldn’t stop leaving your mouth as you struggled. “Fuck.”

“I didn’t take you as a girl that could curse like a sailor.” A low and deep but still soft voice resounds behind you.

“Ah shit!” you gasped as you heard the voice behind you. You’d smacked your head on the edge of the bench when you’d startled at the sudden intrusion. You recognised that voice. Joel Miller. The man that’s been consuming your thoughts for weeks now. You hissed as you rubbed at the already sore spot and landed on your butt as you looked up at him.

The bemused expression morphed into one of concern as he crouched down to your level. “Are you okay?” He replaced your hand with his own, making sure there was no visible injury.

His touch made your body turn hot as he continued to study you.

“Yeah I-I’m fine. Although, I do think it will be a nice bump later.” You chuckled. “You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that, it’s not good for my heart.”

“And your head,” he said as a grin replaced the one of concern. You were glad to be sitting because that smile has been making you weak in the knees lately. Ever since you’ve been introduced you’ve been talking and hanging out here and there, finding out that the man can smile sometimes. You’re not entirely sure why he felt so at ease around you but you were truly grateful that he was spending time with you. (It might be for the fact that Ellie grew fond of you and loved to ask you a million questions whenever she was around.) He had the prettiest smile you’d ever seen and it lit up his whole face, you truly wish he would smile more. Subconsciously you started biting your lip as you admired him.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” He questioned with a chuckle as he looked at the state of the bench next to you.

Your face grew warm as you moved to focus your gaze on your hands. “I’m fine.” You whisper softly as you continue to look at your hands in your lap.

You heard him sigh before he took your chin gently in his hand to tilt your head back, making you look into his eyes.

“You know it’s okay to ask for help sometimes?” He said as he studied you intently. It was hard to maintain his eye contact, your face heating up more under his intense gaze and because of the close proximity of both of your faces.

His brown eyes stared into yours and you couldn’t help but find them the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever looked at. Your eyes flitted all over his face, not being able to stay in one place. You couldn’t get over how handsome he was. His head tilted to the side and he gave you a questionable look. You felt embarrassed as you realised you hadn’t replied to him yet.

“Sorry,” you bit your lip nervously as warmth spread even more to your cheeks. Your eyes moved away from his face to a spot behind him as you stared into the distance. “I just don’t want to burden you.” Your voice sounded so small and squeaky that you cringed internally. Embarrassed, you quickly drop your gaze to your lap.

“Oh, Darlin’,” he said gently, his expression turning more soft. “Sweetheart, you could never be a burden.”

“I’m sorry,” you bit the inside of your cheek as you tried to keep yourself from getting emotional. “I didn’t mean to… I just— I just always feel like it’s best I do everything myself all the time because I don’t want to annoy anyone with my problems.”

You’ve always been someone to wear your heart on your sleeve. You’re a very sensitive person and very in tune with your emotions most of the time. People saw you as a very caring and helpful person but when it came to your own things you mostly tended to yourself. You’re aware that most people aren’t like you, at least not anymore ever since the outbreak happened, but you didn’t care. There’s strength in sensitivity.

“You could never annoy me,” Joel frowned. “especially not when it comes to you struggling to do something on your own.”

You weren’t used to people caring for you the way you cared for others. So when Joel reassured you or took the time to hang out with you, you couldn’t help but feel appreciated.

His reassuring words gradually eased your anxiety. You let out a long sigh before looking up at him again. “O-okay, I-I think… I might need your help.” You stutter, hoping he didn’t catch it but he smiled at you warmly instead.

Shit, he’s so pretty. Come on, forget it. He could never have feelings for you.

“Good. Because I’d love to help.” He winked at you with a crooked smile.

Warmth flooded your body as you stared at him, you couldn’t help but feel flustered around him. You’re certain that your heart is running two hundred miles per hour, because it felt like it was about to burst out of your chest.

It’s just a silly crush. You told yourself.

—

Turns out, Joel Miller, your hot new neighbour, could be very handy.

He was able to fix the bench you've been fighting with for weeks in less than an hour. You were truly impressed.

As he brought back the supplies he used to repair the bench back inside to your supply closet, you couldn’t help but want him to stay a little longer. Besides, you wanted to thank him for being so helpful. You’re relieved and so grateful that the ‘demon bench’, as you had called it, was now fixed

“Thank you for helping me out, Joel. It means a lot to me.” You said as you smiled up at him as you both walked towards your front door.

“Oh darlin’ it’s no problem. I loved helping you.” He said with a grin. He moved closer, making your breath hitch which made him smile even more. “You can ask me anything. Whenever you need.” He winked and you felt your insides melt at his words and his actions.

“I-I want to be able to thank you. Give something in return for your help.” You smiled shyly at him.

“You don’t have to do anything for me sweet—”

“Please, let me make you dinner. It’s the least I can do after what you did for me.” You cut him off as you looked up at him with wide eyes. “Ellie is welcome too!” You added nervously when he took a bit longer to reply.

He snorts softly at your words before clearing his throat. “Ellie isn't in tonight,” he says as he avoids your gaze for a few seconds “she’s at this girl’s place she hangs out with a lot. So it’s just me.”

“Oh that’s okay! I’m sure she can join us next time.” You flashed him a bright smile. “But, I’d love to make dinner for you tonight… if that’s okay?” You asked with pleading eyes.

He chuckled fondly at your expression as he shook his head with amusement. “Of course. I’d love that.”

You felt like you were going to burst out of excitement. Internally you’re screaming, kicking with your legs like a schoolgirl thinking about her crush. You really loved spending time with the man.

Joel followed you back inside as you quickly disappeared down the hall and into the dining room that’s connected to your kitchen. You saw him admire the walls of your dining room from your peripheral view as you’re rummaging in one of the cupboards of your kitchen for a cutting board. Most of the paintings were either more abstract gradient paintings or heavily inspired by the Impressionism art movement.

“You have lots of paintings. They are very pretty.”

“Thank you. Some of them are made by me or my sister.” You smiled genuinely as you made your way back to him.

“Really?” He asked curiously.

Your smile turned timid as you looked up at him, Joel's inquisitive look making you even more shy.

“Yeah… we both love art. Especially making our own sometimes.” You cleared your throat with another bashful smile, before looking down at your shoes.

“Is your sister…?”

“Is she alive? Yes” you finished his question. “She lives here in Jackson with her boyfriend actually.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah. I’m truly grateful to have her in my life.” You told him. “She’s my best friend.”

“That’s beautiful” he nods at you as a small smile graces his features. You can’t help but feel yourself get more warm at his soft expressions. He’s so beautiful. “How did you two find your way to Jackson?”

“It’s a long story. I don’t think I’ve ever told you this but, originally my sister and I weren't from here… the USA I mean.” You told him.

Joel’s eyes widened at your words. You giggled at his expression.

“We are originally from Europe, I was still very young when the outbreak happened. I was around? Seven years old. We were in San Francisco when it happened and my sister and I haven’t really moved from that place for a long time ever since everything went down.” You said as you walked back to the kitchen.

“Christ. That’s very young.” He said, he looked shocked as you told him as much as you wanted him to know.

“Yeah but Emilie was four when it happened.” You said as you bit your lip.

“It must be hard being trapped in a foreign country. Especially when you’re a child.”

“Yeah… My parents eventually died when I turned eighteen. So it was just Emilie and I for a long time. One day a couple of years ago she went outside the San Francisco QZ and I hadn’t heard from her for a long while. I just… I had to look for her, she’s my sister, she means everything to me. I would literally travel through this whole country just to find her. I always felt like I needed to protect her. I’ve always been very overprotective of her, just like I know she is with me.” You chuckled as you shook your head with amusement at your previous words.

“Overprotective huh?” He said as he flashed you a grin as he came to lean against a wall close to you.

“Yeah,” you giggled. “I am the big sister but sometimes it does feel like she’s more overprotective than I am.”

“Your sister seems very nice. I do understand her being overprotective though.” He smiled as he leaned closer to you.

“Oh really?” You bit your lip as you continued to prepare everything for dinner.

“Yeah, I mean you’re a precious little thing so I do understand her overprotectiveness.” He muttered.

Heat rose up in your face at his words. You couldn’t look up at him, feeling too flustered to look him in the eye. Your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest as you kept repeating his words in your head. He thought you were precious.

Was that flirting? No. He would never flirt with you.

“Y-you think so?” You question shyly, still not meeting his gaze.

“Uhuhm” He hummed softly, “I don’t only think that, it is so. You’re very precious.”

“O-oh.” You were at loss for words.

Joel chuckled, probably because of your flustered state, before he noticed you struggled with the ingredients. “Let me help you sweetheart.”

“No, it’s okay.” You said. But as most people knew, Joel was a stubborn man.

“Darlin,” he looked at you pointedly, letting you know that you wouldn’t be able to stop him from giving you a hand.

“I’m making dinner for you, to thank you. You shouldn’t be helping me.” You huffed as you crossed your arms in front of your chest. You’re aware you probably look like a child but you can’t help it. Dinner was supposed to be made by you, and only you.

“Oh angel, being in your presence is rewarding enough for me.” He says as he leans closer to your ear.

Butterflies erupted in your stomach at his words. The sound of his deep voice close to your ear, and the feeling of his breath against your skin, made you fight the urge to shiver.

Joel smiled playfully, eyes looked down and locked with yours for a couple of seconds. The close proximity made your skin set on fire. He could lean down a bit more and then his lips would be on yours. You slowly pulled back, clearing your throat while you did.

“A-a-anyways.” You stuttered. You hated stuttering, you never really stuttered but somehow this man could turn you into a flustered, stuttering mess. His smile widened at your state which made you want to run and hide. You decided to change the subject. “I had to go through some states to find her and eventually I found her. Then we travelled together through Wyoming and then some people from Jackson surrounded us and that’s how we got here. That was almost a year ago.”

“So… You are pretty new here?”

“Yep.” You said as you smiled at him.

It was silent for a moment as both of you were preparing everything for dinner. Until your eyes widened at the realisation that you hadn’t offered him anything to drink yet.

“Oh shit, sorry. I can’t believe that I haven’t offered you something to drink yet.” You said as you abandoned your current task, running towards another supply closet, looking for something good for the both of you. “Give me a second.”

You could hear Joel chuckle, knowing he was probably looking at you with an amused expression on his face. You were looking for a specific bottle of red wine, your favourite, the ones you always keep for special occasions. Once you found it you couldn’t help but squeal excitedly. “Aha! Here it is!” You smiled triumphantly as you held it in your hands.

You were grinning widely as you came back into the kitchen. “I’ve got some red wine, I hope that’s okay.” You said as you placed down the bottle on the kitchen counter.

“More than okay.” Joel smiled.

You beamed up at him and opened one of the cabinets, you stood on the tip of your toes as you struggled to reach for some wine glasses.

“Fuck,” you muttered to yourself. “Why did I put those glasses so high and so far in the back?”

“Let me,” he chuckled softly as he stepped behind you, his body pressing softly against yours. Your breath hitched at the action and warmth spread all over your body. You mentally cursed yourself as you felt a heat pool between your legs. Different kinds of scenarios started going through your head as you felt his body pressed against yours. You wished his arms were wrapped around you as he stood behind you. But one of his arms extended over yours as he reached for two glasses easily. “Here they are.” He whispered as he leant down to whisper close to your ear.

You truly felt as if you caught a fever. He’s so close and so big. As his chest brushed against your back you felt as if your brain short circuited for a second. He was so broad and tall while you were so much smaller than him, he could quite literally swallow you whole with his frame.

You felt his body slowly retreat from yours, giving you the possibility to collect your thoughts again.

“Show off,” you grumbled teasingly, warmth still filling your chest and face.

Joel snorted, shaking his head amused. “You’re just tiny.”

You gasped dramatically, turned around and feigned offence at his words. “Am not!”

“Sure you aren’t.” He teased, a grin forming on his face.

You giggled at that, “you’re just awfully tall.”

“Right.” He nodded along to your words, tried to look as serious as he could, he tried to stifle a grin and you could see right through him.

“I am right.” You pouted.

“So am I.” He retorted playfully, a loud laugh left his lips as you continued to pout, before he took a step closer to you.

Your cheeks warmed, but you tried to hide your embarrassment by crossing your arms and sticking your chin up in the air. Huffing you turned around, “get back to work Mr. Miller.”

“Yes ma’am” he said in mock seriousness as he went back to making dinner with you.

“You’re so silly,” you giggled as you teasingly bumped your shoulder against his arm. You went to open the bottle of wine before pouring some of the liquid in both glasses. Once the glasses were filled you held a glass out to him.

“Only with you darlin’,” he gave you a wink before he took the glass from your hand. Flushed, you tried to ignore the way your heart skipped in your chest when his fingers brushed against yours.

This man is going to be the death of me.

—

Dinner was very nice. There was lots of banter, lots of words exchanged from Joel that felt awfully like flirting but still you tried to push those thoughts away. He wouldn’t flirt with you. You’re pretty certain of it. The tension sometimes was killing you though. You think it was sexual tension but then again that would be impossible because he wasn’t flirting with you.

But you also noticed that the more you hung out with Joel the more relaxed he was around you. You loved that for him. Underneath all that rough exterior he has so much depth to him. He’s very caring, protective, helpful, funny, and so intelligent. He’s so sweet to you too, you didn’t know why. But all you knew is that you care for him so much. You felt comfortable around him too, safe. You couldn’t help but associate him with warmth, safety. Home. He felt like home to you.

Empty plates were still on the table and for a while you were enjoying the comfortable silence between you two. Eventually you broke that silence.

“The wine is so good.” You whispered as you looked at your wine glass then brought your gaze softly to the man sitting across from you. He seemed like he was lost in his thoughts, staring off in the distance as he looked through the window outside towards your garden.

He brought his gaze back to you as he heard your voice, he cocked his head to the side. “Hmmm what did you say sweetheart?”

“It’s good right?” You ask as you motion with your head to the drink in your hand.

“You’re not wrong. It’s very good.” He nods with a soft smile.

“It’s my favourite,” you flashed him a grin before you took a generous sip of your wine, the liquid burning down your throat.

“Oh really?” He questioned with a curious smile.

“Yeah, I keep them for special occasions.” You said as you bit your lip, feeling bashful.

“Is that so?” Joel’s smile turned into a full smirk as he looked straight into your eyes. “I am assuming this is a special occasion then?”

You hummed your agreement, shrugging your shoulders with faux nonchalance as you continued to bite your lip. Warmth was overwhelming you. Not only because of the alcohol you consumed but that man always made you heat up.

“I’ll consider that as a compliment.” He said as he leaned back in his chair.

Excitement bubbled inside you. Feeling bold, you winked at him. “As you should.”

He was visibly surprised, Joel didn't expect you to finally flirt back. You giggled at his reaction, pleased to see that you could surprise him.

You stood up from your seat with a smile as you took the empty plates from the table, bringing them to the sink.

As you’re about to turn the faucet on you heard him stand up from his chair. He muttered your name, his voice coming out a lot deeper than usual. Fighting back a shiver you slowly turned around to look at him. Your eyes were wide with curiosity and your heart was pounding so hard you could barely hear over the sound of blood rushing in your ears. He looked at you, a desperate expression on his face.

“Darlin’,” he said, his voice hoarse as his dark eyes continued to hold your gaze. For the first time of the night you couldn’t fight back the shiver from going down your spine. Heat flooded your body, your cheeks burning, the warmest you’ve ever felt them.

Joel must have noticed the way your body was reacting to his voice, as he dragged a low shuddering breath at the sight of you.

“Joel?” Your breath turned heavier as you waited for him to say or do something. Your wide pleading eyes stared into his hungry eyes. He continued to stand there just looking at you, his chest moved quicker as he breathed more heavily. Your heart pounded so fast and hard that you were worried that he could hear it from across the room.

Your eyebrows pulled together as you stared at him, your eyes shining with curiosity. You waited with bated breath for Joel to say what he was meant to tell you. He looked at you desperately before he moved from his spot, striding towards you but before he could reach you, someone barged through the door of your home with a loud bang.

“Hey! I knew I’d find you here.” Ellie yelled without looking at both of you. Once her eyes settled on both Joel and you her mouth fell open. “What’s happening?”

You were breathing heavily as you looked at Joel. Eventually you brought your gaze to the teen. “N-nothing, Ellie bean.” You stuttered out quickly, moving away from the kitchen towards the younger girl. “We just had dinner.”

Her eyes widened, “without me?”

Your face flushed with embarrassment before you turned around to look at Joel. “I thought she was at—”

“I’m assuming you told her I wasn’t home tonight, right?” Ellie cut you off, raising one of her eyebrows as she looked at him.

Wait what? Did he want to be alone with me?

Joel swallowed and then avoided both Ellie and your gazes. “Alright.” She snorted.

“I think it's better if we go home.” Joel finally spoke up, before walking towards Ellie. You feel yourself deflate at his words and you can’t help but feel a bit disappointed.

“O-okay.” You whispered, looking down as you entwined both of your hands nervously.

Ellie looked at you with sympathy before glaring up at Joel. “You’re so stupid.” She grumbled under her breath as she gave him a shove as she made her way to the front door.

“Ellie,” he warned her.

“You are.” She sneered.

Joel sighed deeply as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He dropped his hand before looking at you. “Thank you for dinner,” he said with a small but grateful smile.

“Thank you for fixing my bench on the front porch,” you gave him a faint smile. “I enjoyed spending time with you.” You said as you looked away timidly.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to thank me.”

You bit your lip as you avoided his gaze. He said your name softly before he held your chin gently with one of his hands, tilting your head towards his face which made your eyes lock with his own.

“I always enjoy spending time with you.” Warmth rose to your face at his words. He gave you a warm smile before releasing your chin.

You walked with him towards your front door, leaning against it as you tried to say your goodbyes to each other.

“I really enjoyed tonight.”

“Me too.” You said as you bit your lip.

“Goodnight darlin’.” He said with a barely noticeable smile before he walked out your door.

Your eyes met Ellie’s waving at you from in front of your porch. You return the action with a small wave.

“Goodnight.” You whispered before you closed the door behind them. You rested your back against the door, exhaling a long breath you realised you didn’t know you were holding in.

—

You were in too deep.

As months went by, you were more and more aware of how strong your feelings were beginning to grow for Joel. So strong that they were starting to terrify you. Not because you didn’t want to have these feelings for him, no that was certainly not it. You just never experienced feelings this strong for someone before.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t dated before. You had been on plenty of dates since you’ve been in Jackson, too many actually, you’ve even been in a semi serious relationship, but unfortunately, nobody had really charmed their way into your heart like they were supposed to.

You’ve never been touched intimately before, never had sex either. You knew how inexperienced you were but so far, you just hadn’t found someone to be worthy of your time.

You’ve never fallen in love with anyone before. And these new feelings were truly scaring you. For so long you were so certain that you’d never fall in love with someone. That falling in love wasn’t meant for you. That those feelings would never exist for you. The apocalypse hadn’t made things easier either so it wasn’t like falling in love was an option for a long time. But now that you’re relatively more safe, it was a possibility.

It was so much easier when it was just a crush, or an infatuation, despite the fact that you knew that crushes usually wouldn’t make your heart swell so big or your lungs feel so tight when you think of them or see them. But now, it’s a lot harder to pretend that it’s not more than that.

You always dreamed of the day you’d finally fall in love but now that those feelings were here they made you feel like you wanted to run and hide.

You’re not sure you’d be ready to confess those feelings to him any time soon. You were quite certain that they would be one sided, so you’d prefer to keep those to yourself. Because why would someone like him ever see you the way you see him, the way you feel for him. You were a lot younger than him, around twenty years or so. You’re twenty seven. So it seemed impossible for you that he could regard you in the same way you did.

So you decided to do just that, keep them a secret. And you were completely fine with that, with your feelings remaining completely unknown to anyone but yourself.

Or so you thought.

—

On a beautiful warm spring day, you decided you were going to indulge in your favourite hobby. Drawing.

You’ve always loved art, specifically, you loved sketching. If it wasn’t for the fact that the world ended, you’d like to think you would’ve studied art or tried to become an artist.

You were pretty good at it actually, not to sound too full of yourself. But with the way things were, your skills weren’t at their full potential. And besides you didn’t like to tell most people, keeping it a secret because you were always too shy or embarrassed to show people your talents. So you sketched as much as you could in your free time.

You loved to draw all sorts of things, nature, still life, animals and sometimes, people. But on top of your innocent drawings you also had a specific secret sketchbook that you only drew in when you were certain you were alone.

This sketchbook was dedicated entirely to indulging in your massive crush on Joel Miller. (Okay, crush is an understatement.) It was usually difficult to draw a specific person when they weren’t standing right in front of you, but you had seen his face so many times that it was nearly photographically imprinted in your mind. You would often summon his face up whenever you were alone. As many times as you could. Most of these were just his face, the sketchbook was definitely filled with several of him smiling. Some were just details of, for example, his hands or his eyes. Or even his nose or lips.

Everything about him made you feel warm inside. You would always be a flustered mess around him and it would even make you heat up when you’d draw him. Sometimes you’d have to take breaks from drawing him because you’d start getting too hot from thinking about him.

You often felt like you were doing something bad or wrong, like you were some sort of stalker when all you did was admire him.

It was a specific drawing you were currently working on, after checking and double-checking that you were truly alone. It was a beautiful day and you had the day off, so you figured what better way to spend it then by sitting on your front porch all day while enjoying the weather and sketching out what you’d seen the man do during your shared patrol the day before.

The drawing was him holding his gun as he concentrated on a target in front of him. You were so focused on sketching him as well as you could, wanting to capture every feature of him in the best way possible. You recalled his intense expression, the way his jaw clenched while he was so focused yesterday. His dark brown eyes and his handsome side profile—

“What are you drawing?”

You practically jumped and yelled as you heard the voice close to you. Hurriedly you tried to close the sketchbook as you addressed the person standing close to you. “Ellie! You scared me. What are you doing here?”

“I’m just done with school and thought I’d drop by. I kinda wanted to spend some time with you.” She smiled at you as she was leaning against the wall. The soft expression slowly turned into a more mischievous smile as she cocked her head to the side to study you. “You okay there, Y/N?”

You swallowed nervously before giving her your best smile. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well… you’re looking pretty nervous or flustered. Embarrassed even.” She said as she smirked deviously.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m perfectly fine.” You said as you tried to keep your composure.

You could never tell Ellie about the fact that you’re drawing Joel. He’s practically her father figure. Besides, you were quite certain it would make the whole situation awkward.

“You sure?” She asked as she leaned closer to you. “Could it have something to do with… what you’re drawing?”

“I— no. I mean no.”

“Hmmm.” Ellie hummed as she looked at you suspiciously.

Before you could react, Ellie snatched the sketchbook out of your hands at lightning speed.

Fuck. fuck. FUCK. Please no.

“Ellie—”

You sprang to your feet and quickly tried to grab the book back from her, but Ellie pulled it just out of reach at the last second with a huge teasing smirk on her face. Your face burned with shame.

“It’s nothing Ellie, please give it back!” You couldn’t hide the terrified desperation in your voice.

“You sure it’s nothing?” She said as she hid the sketchbook behind her back.

“Yes!” Apprehension fills your bones at her actions.

“Ah, then I’m sure you wouldn’t mind letting me take a peek at what’s inside right?” Ellie grinned dangerously as she moved the book in front of her.

“Please give it back.” Tears started to well up in your eyes as you pleaded for her to give it back.

Shit. It’s over.

As she opened the book on a random page, a gasp left her mouth. “Oh my god?!”

“Ellie, I’m—”

“You’re drawing Joel?” She whispered with wide eyes as she flipped through the pages.

You’ve never felt your face warm up this hot in your entire life. “No?” You said nervously but it came out more as a question.

Ellie said your name softly as she looked at you with a huge smile. “You have a crush on Joel?”

“I— I-I’m— uhm I don’t know, I just—” you stuttered as you tried to retrieve the sketchbook. Ellie pulled back which made you want to scream internally.

“It’s okay, I’m not mad.” Her face softened as she saw you look utterly terrified. “If anything, I’m very happy.”

“What?” You asked as you blinked your tears away.

“How could I be mad at you? I’ve always wanted Joel to be happy. He deserves that, even if he often doesn’t think he deserves that himself.” She smiled at you before looking back at some of the drawings inside the book. “They’re very beautiful by the way. I love drawing too.” She stepped closer to you as she went to put the book back in your hands. “Besides,” she shrugged nonchalantly, “he has a crush on you too.”

“Oh.”

Warmth flooded your body as you listened to her. You quickly felt overwhelmed by her words and everything that happened, you needed to sit down to process it better. You went to sit down with the book in your lap, looking down at it as you were at loss for words. It was very difficult for you to wrap your head around what she said. Joel having feelings for you? You couldn’t allow yourself to believe it. As you let her words sink in, she took a place next to you, placing a hand on your arm and giving it a small reassuring squeeze. Ellie gave you enough time to collect your thoughts and you were truly grateful for that.

You heaved out a long sigh. “I don’t have a crush.” You finally spoke up but not meeting her gaze just yet.

“What? But—”

“Saying it’s a crush is an understatement.” Your voice trembled as you finally looked at her. “I’ve never felt like this in my entire life, so it’s hard for me to deal with what I’m feeling.”

“Oh.” She said as her eyes widened. “You’re… In love?”

“I am pretty sure I am, yes.” You nodded with a small smile.

“Okay. Well he has feelings for—”

“Ellie, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have feelings for me.” You interrupted her.

“Oh my god,” she groaned as she hid her face in her hands, mumbling, “you’re both so oblivious.”

“What?”

“You’re both so stupid. So oblivious.” She groaned once again as she threw her hands in the air. “You both think that the feelings are one sided.”

“I don’t know…” you trailed off as you let yourself lean back on the bench. You’re quite certain that you’re the only one being so consumed by these emotions. You’ve pretty much made your mind up about the fact that it’s impossible for him to return any of those feelings that you have for him.

“The atmosphere when I came in the last time both of you had dinner, just the two of you, certainly didn’t look like it was one sided.”

“Barged in.” You corrected her teasingly as you bumped your shoulder into hers.

“Okay, whatever. My point still stands.”

“Ellie, that was months ago…” you sighed deeply and shook your head at her words.

“Stop. Why do you do this?” She asked exasperated.

“Wh—”

“Why do you believe that he wouldn’t have feelings for you too?” Ellie questioned as she leaned closer to you. “Like, you’re so pretty and have such a lovely personality.”

“I-I I don’t know. I just find it hard to believe. Besides,” you shrugged with a frown “I find it very hard to deal with my own emotions because I’ve never been in love before so this is so new to me.”

Her eyes softened as she listened to you. Slowly, she brought her hand to squeeze your arm reassuringly. “I can understand that. But love is a beautiful thing.”

“True…” you whispered.

“I can understand being scared, but Y/N you’re so worthy of love. Just like Joel is. I am convinced both of you are meant for each other.” She said with a hopeful expression.

“Ellie—”

“I’m serious. Just, please think about it for a while. You both deserve more than this secret pining for each other.” She grumbled at the last sentence.

“Okay I will. Can we please talk about something else now?”

“Sure.” She shrugged with a smile.

“Thank you, Ellie bean.” You said gratefully.

It’s quiet between you two, as you two sit in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying the beautiful weather and each other’s company.

“So… drawing huh?” She grinned.

—

As Ellie and you were talking about your shared love for drawing you heard someone approaching the both of you. Ellie is the first one to look up and she greets the person with a wide smile.

“Hi Emilie!” Ellie beamed as your sister stepped foot on your front porch.

“Oh, here are my favourite girls!” She said with the biggest grin on her face. Emilie brought her hand up to high-five Ellie. “Hey ravioli.” She said as the youngest girl hit her hand.

Ellie scoffed and rolled her eyes dramatically. “Jeez, just because I love ravioli doesn’t mean you have to call me that. Can’t a girl love food in peace.”

Your sister doesn’t reply to the teen and averted her attention to you, greeting you too. Emilie gestures for Ellie to scooch over, before she plops down on the bench between both of you. “So what are you guys talking about?”

“Hey! That bench was recently repaired! There’s no need for you to let yourself fall on the seat like that.” You groan at your sister's silly behaviour.

“Recently? That was months ago.” Ellie counters with a playful smile.

“Ah yes, the bench that the love of your life repaired.” Emilie said with a dreamy expression.

You gasped at her words, feeling your cheeks heat up instantly. You gave her a light shove, “Emilie!”

“What?” Your sister shrugs nonchalantly, “it’s true.”

“Love of your life?” Ellie beams.

You sighed dramatically before leaning against the back of the bench. “Look at what you just did.” You gestured towards Ellie.

“Oh quit the theatrics.” Your sister rolled her eyes teasingly. “Everyone knows you have feelings for Joel except for that man himself.”

Your eyes widened as her words registered in your mind. “Everyone?” You squeaked.

“Yes, just like everyone knows that man is pining over you except for you!” Your sister said exasperated.

You shook your head frantically. “You’re ly—”

“Oh my god, Y/N.” Ellie groaned. “Wake up.”

“Yeah, lovely sister of mine,” Emilie placed a hand on your shoulder, giving you a serious look, “respectfully wake the fuck up.”

“Disrespectfully, Emilie, shut up.” You said to your sister, shrugging her hand off you. You crossed your arms in front of your chest, pouting as you still leaned against the bench.

“Why are you pouting? This is a good thing.” Ellie huffed.

“Yeah, this is a good thing. Why don’t you want to allow good things into your life?” Emilie asked, looking at you seriously.

Silence fell for some moments, before you whispered, “I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

“Yes, you do!” Both Ellie and your sister said simultaneously.

You bit your lip as you looked at them silently. You knew deep down that you deserved to love and be loved in return but it was so hard for you to accept that someone could genuinely have feelings for you. It wouldn’t make any sense, you were always used to people that were attracted to you to expect something from you that you weren’t ready to do or they wouldn’t genuinely care about who you are as a person. You knew Joel was different, he showed you enough through the past year. But somehow your mind tried to tell you otherwise.

“This is driving me insane,” Ellie sighed, shaking her head.

“Ellie,” your sister said pointedly at the younger girl before turning back to look back at you. “Y/N… you are so worthy of love. I know you’ve never experienced this type of emotion or feeling ever before, but you deserve to feel safe with someone and to love someone deeply and for them to love you just as fiercely. I know you keep thinking because of past relationships, friendships or situationships that people aren’t truly interested in you or that people don’t genuinely care for you. But, those people do exist. Ellie cares for you, I do, and I am completely certain that Joel cares for you too. You deserve to feel loved, cared for and to be happy.”

Tears welled up in your eyes at your sister’s words. You felt truly overwhelmed by everything she told you. Deep down you knew she was right, you were trying to believe her words but you knew it might take a bit of time.

“Thank you.” You whispered, tears flowing down your cheeks as you hugged her side. “You don’t know how much that means to me. It might take some time for me to truly believe everything you said but I want to try.”

Both girls went to envelop you in a warm hug, squeezing your body tight. You felt your body relax in their embrace.

“I love you.” Ellie whispered, at her words you hugged her body tighter.

“I love you too, Ellie bean.” You smiled, tears still in your eyes as you leaned your head against the crown of her head.

And for the first time in a long time you felt like your heart could breathe again.

—

A month passed and you still hadn’t confessed your feelings to the man that’s been consuming your very brain for a year. You still hung out whenever you could, but telling Joel how you felt about him still terrified you. But as time passed, you allowed yourself to believe the words your sister and Ellie told you. It was very freeing.

One thing that didn’t change though was your stubbornness. You are certain you will always hate asking people for help. Like for example, the fact that your shower head was acting up so much you couldn’t take proper showers which made you have to use Emilie’s shower at her place sometimes. Until the shower head actually broke.

That’s why a few days later, you were standing in front of Joel’s door, contemplating if you should really ask him for his help. You bit your lip as you thought about it. Sighing, you told yourself that you should just do it. As you were about to knock, the door opened.

Your eyes widened as you came face to face with Joel. Your cheeks heat up as you lock eyes with him. You know you shouldn't be flustered right now because he is the only one who can help you. And he did tell you that you could always come to him if you needed his help. Or for anything really. But somehow, you still couldn’t help but feel shy around him.

“Sweetheart?” Joel looked at you worriedly.

“H-hi?” You smiled sheepishly. “Am I coming at a bad time?”

“No, ‘course not.” He shook his head slightly, a soft smile curled upon his lips. “Everything alright?”

“I am alright, it’s just,” you trailed off as you looked away shyly. “I think I might need your help.”

Joel closed the door behind him as he kept his gaze on you. He motioned for you to show the way. “Let’s go.”

You giggled as you shook your head light heartedly. “You don’t even know what I need your help for.”

“That’s where you're wrong darlin’. A little birdie told me your shower head is broken.” Joel’s mouth twitched in mild amusement as you just gaped at him.

Oh my god… Emilie.

Your face burned once again. You couldn’t believe that your sister would tell the person you’re desperately in love with about this. You felt embarrassed, knowing that he knew about you struggling. As if he could read your thoughts, “I only know since yesterday, but I wanted you to come to me when you were ready.” He said as he looked at you, a gentle smile on his lips.

“O-okay.” You said, groaning internally at your stuttering. “Anyways, yes. I need your help with fixing my shower. I hope that’s okay?” You asked hesitatingly.

“‘Course it is. Show the way, pretty girl.” He winked, beckoning for you to move along.

He thinks I’m pretty?

—

Joel was standing in your shower as he tried to fix the shower head. He smiled as he threw you a thumbs up.

“Ah, here we go. This should work now—” Joel’s smile faltered as water started unexpectedly spraying out of the shower head. Surprised, it slipped out of his hands, dropping to the floor, the spray pointing up at him, which drenched Joel quickly.

Your eyes widened as you took Joel in. His white shirt and jeans are both drenched and sticking to his body. You could see the outline of everything. Your body turned flush with heat as you continued to stare at him. You couldn’t help but find him so hot, with his shirt clinging to his body. He grumbled as he looked down at the state of his clothes. Eventually you moved into action, “O-oh let me get you a towel!” you blurted out. You quickly made your way to one of your closets in your bedroom, rummaging for some spare towels.

“Y/N stop being such a creep.” You grumbled to yourself, embarrassed that you were staring at him so unabashedly. You’re worried that he might think you’re creepy, staring at him like he was the sexiest man you’ve ever seen. Well, actually, he was the sexiest man to you. But you didn’t want him to think of you as some sort of weirdo. That’s the last thing you want, for him to think you’re creepy. As you found the towels you were still in such a deep inner monologue while you walked back into the bathroom.

“I found the towels—” you gasp, accidentally dropping the towels on the floor as you took Joel in.

The man had taken off his shirt, most likely because he didn’t like the feel of the fabric clinging to his body. He took your breath away. As you once again stared at him you couldn’t help but let your wide eyes wander all over his chest. He was broad, he wasn’t really muscular but he had a solid build. He was strong and large, and soft in the right places. There were some scars littered over his skin here and there, as a result of the years of fighting to try and stay alive. Some hair was scattered over his body, your eyes trailing along his happy trail, eventually disappearing underneath his jeans. You felt yourself ache between your legs as your eyes continued to roam over his form, studying him with so much intensity. You were still admiring him when he spoke up.

“I’m not really nice to look at.” He mumbled.

Your heart ached at his self deprecated words. You couldn’t believe what he said. How could he think of himself so lowly? You thought he was the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. “W-what?” You said as you shook your head frantically.

“I’m not—”

“Joel Miller, you better stop bringing yourself down.” You said sternly, surprising both of you. You sighed loudly as he looked at you with wide eyes, “I’m sorry. I just don’t understand the need for you to put yourself down when you’re far from unattractive.”

Silence fell for a couple of moments. Until Joel exhaled shakily. “You-you think I’m attractive?” The man asked, he seemed so doubtful.

“I thought that was pretty obvious…” you trailed off shyly as you looked at the tiled floor between your two feet. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious to everyone else.” You chuckled nervously.

You heard him grunt softly before hearing his wet, heavy steps, as he slowly made his way to you. Joel grasped your chin gently, tilting your face towards him. You felt your cheeks burn, you don’t think you’ll ever get used to his touch. Your eyes lock with his as he looks at you desperately.

“You think I’m attractive?” He repeated his earlier question more pleadingly.

“I don’t only think you’re attractive… you’re so beautiful. So pretty. Handsome…” you trailed off as you duck your head timidly. “Sexy.” You said apprehensively, before looking away from him. “I think you’re the hottest man I’ve ever seen.”

“I think you’re beautiful as well. The prettiest little thing that has ever walked this earth.” He whispers, his voice coming out a lot deeper. “Words can not describe how beautiful you are. Inside-out.”

You felt your breath catch in your chest as you felt your body tremble at his words. You slowly looked up at him, your eyes wide with curiosity. You couldn’t help but like how he was towering over you. He was so broad, so strong. You felt your face burn, biting your lip and feeling incredibly weak as his gaze stayed locked with yours. You felt light headed at the close proximity. You could barely think straight.

He brought his hands down to your waist, holding your body close to his as he smiled warmly down at you. He whispered your name, breath hitching as he looked at you intently. “Sweetheart…”

You breathed his name softly before his lips connected with yours in a gentle kiss. You gasped in surprise at his actions, but you quickly closed your eyes as he deepened the kiss. Joel’s large hands cupped the side of your face in such a tender way it made your insides melt. Never did you think you’d ever be able to feel his lips on yours. And here he was, kissing you. Your arms wrapped around his back, your fingers digging in his back the action making him grunt. His beard was rough against your soft skin, but was so welcomed. You kissed him back just as deeply, hands stroking up and down his back in a soothing manner.

He held you tighter against his body before slowly pulling away, resting his forehead against yours as both of you breathed heavily against each other's lips.

“I hope that was okay.” He said with a gentle smile. Tears welled up in your eyes as you processed what happened, having a hard time to believe that their kiss really happened. Never in your life were you ever able to keep your heavy emotions in control. Certainly not when you were overwhelmed. His forehead furrowed, concern flashing through his eyes. “What’s wrong Darlin’?”

God, why do I have to get so emotional?

“I am so sorry I just. I feel a bit overwhelmed because I always thought you’d never feel anything for me.” You rambled anxiously and your fingers trembled as they swiped under your eyes. “If you have any feelings for me, that is.”

“Really? I thought it was pretty obvious.” He smiled gently, his hands cupping your cheeks. Softly, he brushed your tears away with his thumbs. “Especially after… you know, kissing you.” He said with a teasing lilt in his voice.

“Yeah maybe…” you shrugged with a giggle, “you do have a point.”

“I do, don’t I?” He smirked playfully.

“You’re so silly.” You rolled your eyes lightheartedly.

“Only with you darlin’,” he winked.

You felt the heat rise in your face once more. You don’t think you could ever get used to his teasing or his flirtatious behaviour.

“So corny…” you snorted as you shook your head with amusement, “you’re lucky I love you.”

You quickly covered your mouth at the realisation that those words were said out loud. Your heartbeat was beating loudly in your chest, as your wide eyes met his. You wonder if he could hear your heart practically beat out of your chest.

His breath hitched in his throat, as his eyes bored into yours. “You mean that?”

Heat overwhelmed your body, feeling as if you’re on fire. Your mouth felt extremely dry, still you tried to swallow, nodding slowly anticipating his next reaction. “I do.”

The molten intensity made you unable to look away as both of you just breathed and stared into each other’s eyes. You felt as if time stopped in that moment, your bodies so close, yet they felt so far. As he held your gaze, he moved his body closer to yours again.

“Joel—” you whispered breathlessly.

He cut you off, kissing you by surprise. Capturing all the words you were about to say. Completely shocked, your whole body froze as you felt his lips claim around yours, hands pulled your face towards his as he kept pressing his lips further, almost to the point it hurt.

All your thoughts overwhelmed your brain, disabling any rational understanding of what was going on. Like a magnet, you felt your body move closer to his, moving your hands around his shoulders as you kissed him back just as fiercely.

You nibbled on his bottom lip lightly, eliciting a moan from him. Slowly, he pulled away from your lips, to press kisses to your cheek. His lips slowly travelled all over your face. You whimper as his mouth moved from your jaw to your neck, pressing open mouthed kisses all over your neck, your hands moved towards his hair, tugging lightly at the roots.

“How long have you been feeling like this?” He questioned, his beard scratching your neck as he continued to kiss your neck. Your body trembled against his as he continued to suck, kiss and lick your neck.

“Hmmm?”

Joel groaned and stopped his actions when you didn’t reply to his question, pulling back to look at your face. You feel his stare, waiting for your response. You hadn’t realised your eyes fell closed as you were enjoying his kisses. Unhurriedly, you opened your eyes, looking right into his.

You swallowed dryly at the intensity behind his eyes, your heart beating madly in your chest. A flare of heat rushed to your cheeks as you decided to tell him the truth. How could you not? When he’s looking at you with so much desperation.

“Like… at least a half year ago?” You answered, your hesitant eyes looking into his own.

Joel groaned loudly, enveloping your lips with his once again. He kissed you with so much passion, giving you everything that had to offer. His mouth moves against yours so hungrily. As he continued to give you long and deep kisses, you felt the heat rising within you. The throbbing between your legs felt unbearable as you whimpered desperately against his lips.

“I love you too baby, so fuckin’ much.” He rasped against your lips.

A gasp left your lips at his words and he deepened the kiss even more, as he quickly took the opportunity to slip his tongue past your parted lips and swirling it around yours. You felt as if your whole body was on fire as you continued to kiss each other ferociously, your fingers raking through his peppered hair.

He grunted as he pushed your body against the wall. His arms wrap around your body, holding your body close against his. You whimpered as his lips travelled from your lips to your throat, nipping at the skin which resulted in you squirming in his hold. Your hands busied themselves with exploring his exposed back, caressing his skin.

He moved his mouth towards your ear, “you have no idea how long I’ve been dreaming about holding you.” He murmured. Joel’s lips travelled towards your shoulder while littering your skin with soft kisses. “Kissing you.” His hands wandered unhurriedly against your back, his hands eventually settled on your lower back, just above your ass. “Touching you.”

“Please,” you whined as you tried chasing his lips again, gripping his strong arms with your hands.

“Tell me what you need, baby girl.” He whispered raspily into your ear. A shiver went down your spine at his words. Joel’s voice carried so much emotion. So much desperation and adoration for you. “I love this baby blue dress on you. Although it’s really killing me right now.” He groans against your neck as his hands finally move to your ass over your frilly summer dress, grabbing a handful of your cheeks.

You felt even more wetness pool between your legs as you thought about the fact that you weren’t wearing any lingerie underneath.

You turned into a bigger whimpering mess as he kept littering your neck, shoulders and face with kisses. You felt one of his legs sliding between your legs, pressing his thigh against your exposed core.

“Fuck,” you moaned.

Joel lifted his head and your eyes caught his, his lips finding yours in a rough kiss, not wasting any time as he slipped his tongue past your lips. The man is wrapped around you completely, a hand caressing your back, the other holding your ass. Your body trembled as Joel started rubbing his thigh against your soaked core. You’ve never wanted someone more in your whole life.

“Joel,” you whined desperately.

“Tell me what you want kitten.” He groaned.

A loud whimper escaped your lips at his words. The pet name turned you on extremely. Your hips moved against his thigh, grinding against the clothed material.

“I want you.”

A string of moans slipped past your lips as Joel moved his head up to lick into your mouth.

“Pleaseee.” You whined against his lips as you rubbed your sensitive pussy against his jeans. “I need you.”

“Fuck, you’re so wet.”

“Ah!” You gasped as he picked you up effortlessly. Quickly, you wrapped your legs around his hips. The both of you continued to kiss each other passionately as Joel carried you to your bedroom. Once he reached your bed he softly placed you down the sheets.

You felt the bed dip before he hovered above you. Joel’s dark eyes stare into yours as his hands move underneath the skirt of your dress, his fingers trailing up your thigh. You felt yourself grow nervous at his touch.

“W-wait.” You whispered.

His movements halt immediately at your words. He looked at you worriedly, “you okay, sweetheart?”

You wanted him so badly and you were extremely wet but you would be lying if you weren’t a bit nervous. Everything seemed more real once his touch moved closer to your intimate parts.

You exhaled deeply. “It’s just… don’t get me wrong, I want this. I literally want you so badly, but I’ve never been with someone intimately.” You said nervously as you waited for his reaction.

“Oh baby girl,” he whispered, looking at you tenderly. “Don’t you worry about that. I will take good care of you.” He smiled as he leaned down to rub his nose gently against yours. “But, we don’t need to do anything if you’re not ready.”

“I am ready, I just don’t want to disappoint you.” You nibbled anxiously at your bottom lip.

“Baby, you could never disappoint me with this. You'll always be a good lover to me. You’re literally perfect. I promise.” Joel smiled gently, looking at you with so much adoration before he pressed a kiss to your forehead. You felt your whole body relax once his lips touched your skin. You trusted him, he was your everything.

Your lips moved to his neck before you placed an open mouthed kiss to his skin. “Please Joel, I need you.” You whispered seductively into his ear.

He groaned loudly before engulfing your lips in a heated kiss. You whimpered against his mouth as his hands started slowly caressing both of your thighs. Your head was clouded with so much lust, you felt so much love for him. Your brain turned quite literally into mush as you continued to kiss each other deeply.

You moved your hips desperately as you moaned against his lips, hoping Joel would get the hint.

“Such a needy kitten.” He chuckled against your lips.

“Only for you.” You whispered as you looked up at him pleadingly. “Please, touch me.”

“I am touching you.” He counters playfully.

“Please.” You whined desperately as you wiggled underneath him.

Moments later his lips pressed against yours again. The kiss got more heated the more you kissed each other. Your hands wander to the back of his head and you pull at some strands softly making him moan into your mouth. One of his hands slowly trailed up your thigh once again. Your whimpers came out more frequently the closer his hand moved to where you needed him the most. Once his fingers come in contact with your heat you mewl loudly.

“Fuck,” he moaned against your lips, you’re certain because he felt how soaked you were for him. “You’re so fuckin’ wet baby girl. All for me?”

You were overwhelmed with warmth, it felt like a hot storm — as he spoke those words. You nodded frantically. You were sopping wet, you managed to speak but your voice is strangled and pathetic. “P-please. T-take off your clothes.”

“And leave you in this dress? Out of question.” He chuckled as he moved the hand that was touching your wetness to your thigh.

“Who said I wanted to stay in this dress?” You said as you raised one of your eyebrows at him.

“Baby—”

“Undress me cowboy.” You smiled as you pulled your bottom lip with your teeth seductively.

“God, you’ll be the death of me.” He groaned loudly.

“My name is Y/N but god sounds good too.” You giggled.

Joel shook his head with an amused grin on his face. His fingertips find the hem of your dress and you sit up a bit. You raised your arms quickly to help him get rid of your baby blue dress.

You felt your body tremble in anticipation, as his eyes roamed all over your naked body, his eyes not being able to stick to one place. You felt your heartbeat picking up as his hands reached for your hips, holding them and pressing your body closer to his. His lips moved to ghost over your neck, slowly moving below your ear. “You’re out of this world. So beautiful.” He whispered into your ear.

His lips then crashed against yours as you gasped openly into his mouth, desire growing, and took it upon yourself to guide his hand back down to your heat. His mouth fell from yours to unleash a heavy groan into your neck at the first slip of his fingers between your wet lips.

It's very, fucking wet, more wet than you'd honestly ever been and certainly more wet than he could've imagined in his wildest dreams.

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful sweet girl,” he muttered again in a very raw tone, his voice strained. His lips trail slowly down to your neck, all the way to your chest. Joel breathed in through his nose, you flush harder at his words and shivered when he exhaled warmly through his mouth and onto your nipple. “The prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen.”

That’s all you’ve been given before he wrapped his lips around one nipple, teeth just skimming your skin as he sucked and licked passionately, as he also pushed one of his fingers inside your pussy.

The whine that came out of you only drove Joel to seek out more of those heavenly sounds.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He moaned, as your pussy clenched around his digit. “I need to prepare you as much as I can for my cock.”

Your whines became louder as you felt the pleasure overwhelm you. His fingers are so much bigger than yours, one of his fingers is more pleasurable than any of your fingers.

His tongue began licking, long licks with the flat of his tongue over your hard nipple as his other hand kept pumping his finger in and out of you at a leisurely pace.

You whined as your core started clenching around his finger, begging for more. Instinctively you began moving your hips, grinding against his hand, as he groaned against your skin. His lips left your breast with a wet pop and he looked at you intensely as he continued to fuck you with his finger. You were panting heavily, barely able to think straight as he slowly slipped another finger inside you. He moved his face back to meet yours, engulfing you in a passionate kiss, swallowing all your little mewls.

“Good girl, you’re doing so well for me.” He panted against your lips.

You bucked your hips up towards his hand in response, silently begging for more. He noticed and slipped a third finger in, moving them slowly at first as your tight pussy tried to adjust to the addition. Little whimpers left your lips as he fucks you slowly with his fingers. You felt so full, you can’t help but imagine him fucking you with his cock, you’re quite certain he’s massive. His pace eventually speeds up as you move your hips along with his movements. His lips moved back to kiss you, whining against his mouth. Your hands clutched the bed sheets as you moved along with the pace of his fingers, feeling him curl them and spreading them.

“That feels good doesn't it baby? You like it when I play with your little pussy? You like me fucking you with my fingers?" Joel moaned and his thumb connected with your clit, rubbing it at the same pace as he fucked you with his fingers. You bucked your hips and nodded as you moaned. "Use your words kitten," he taunts.

“Fuck, yes. Yes, please oh my god. Joel, please.” You writhed against the sheets as you whimpered. “Please keep calling me that.” You bit your lip as you squeezed your eyes shut.

“You’re such a good kitty for me,” he said, a smug smirk playing on his face. You were impressed how easy it was for this man above you to turn you on and make a mess of you.

Joel leans his head back down, trapping your lips in yet another heated kiss. You felt your legs spread even more open for him as you felt yourself get close to your first orgasm of the night. His tongue slipped into your mouth after another gasp fell from your lips. You couldn’t help but moan, whine and whimper as he continued to pleasure you. Your hands wandered to the back of his head pulling at hair softly making him moan into your mouth.

“Fuck, I need you so bad.” He groaned as his thumb applied more pressure on your little nub. He curled his fingers forward with every penetration until your thighs shook.

“I need you more.” You whimpered as your body trembled underneath his.

His eyes stared into yours, lust and love written all over them. When he fastened his motions inside you, you moaned again and squeezed your eyes shut. A burning intense feeling, a tight coil in your lower abdomen made your back arch beneath him.

“Open your eyes for me, my baby.”

You opened your eyes slowly, looking straight into his eyes. His intense gaze was what it took for you to come undone. The hot feeling spread all over your body, your body tingled, your hips moving at their own accord against Joel’s hand.

“You’re doing so well for me angel,” He said proudly as his fingers slowed down, slipping out of you to rub your slit softly, still helping you ride out your orgasm.

As you came back to your senses, you felt his fingers slip away from your heat. You felt your pussy clench around nothing every now and then and were dripping down the sheets, which made you whimper helplessly. You needed him so bad. And now. Joel climbed off the bed, making quick work to remove all of his clothing. You were still in a daze, closing your eyes for a minute. Moments later you felt the bed dip.

You felt your legs being spread further apart with his strong hands. A loud broken moan left your lips at the feel of his mouth meeting your soaking wet pussy. He dove between your legs, licking a stripe up through your folds and teasingly dipping his tongue into your entrance before he travelled up to your clit, spreading your lips with his wet muscle and sucking your button into his mouth.

You practically screamed at his actions, arching your back slightly off the bed once again. You felt your body trembling terribly. You needed more. You tried to grind your wetness slowly against his lips as your body continued to shake.

Strong arms were suddenly locked around your thighs, securing your hips with his biceps, holding you still despite your attempts to grind your pussy against his lips.

“You taste so good, baby girl. I could eat this pussy all day.”

You felt heat overwhelm your senses more as you felt Joel chuckle against your heat. His tongue was lapping sloppily at your lower lips. Squeaky, senseless noises came out from your throat. You were squirming, it was so good you could barely even figure out what he was doing with his tongue.

“Fuck, Joel baby, oh my goooood” you cried out loud. You were certain that if people walked outside your house that they would have heard you by now. He sucked lazily at your clit while he moved to slip two fingers into you. Joel eventually sucked harder on your clit, still occasionally swirling his tongue around your little bud while moving his fingers inside you a bit faster. You kept chanting his name between moans as you now hold onto his hair with both of your hands.

“Please, I’m so cloooooose.” You whined.

As Joel sucked your clit harder, you gasped loudly as you felt your whole body trembling even more and then you felt your body tense as you came against his mouth. Your whole mind felt like exploding and all you could see were stars. You felt truly overwhelmed by the amount of pleasure and emotions you were experiencing. Your body continued to tremble as you felt yourself come down from your high.

You felt Joel’s tongue still licking up your pussy as he retreats his fingers from your pulsing hole. His mouth felt heavenly, but you whined at the sensitivity. He moaned as he licked against your tight hole, licking up your release, his tongue prodding your entrance.

“T-too much.” You whimpered at the overstimulation.

Joel ignored your pleads, moaning against your heat as he continued to eat you out. The man you love so much that was between your legs kept sliding his tongue up and down your sensitive slit. Your little mewls and other noises spur him on, to move his lips back up to your clit. He sucked the nub softly between his lips. You were grinding your hips against his face as moans kept spilling off your lips. This time he didn’t hold you back from fucking his face. Eventually he leaned down, slipping his tongue into your entrance, he curled the muscle upward to brush your walls, the sight of your fingers bunching the fabric of the sheets in a tight grip encouraging him to do it again.

You were a mess of his name, you chanted his name over and over again. Your hips moved against his face as you continued to whimper and moan breathlessly underneath him. Writhing below him, you felt him lick up and press against a sensitive spot inside that had you seeing stars, while your hips bucked against his face uncontrollably. Defiance and greed consumes your thoughts, your fingers once again gripped onto his peppered hair rather harshly and hips pushed against his face to shove his tongue deeper into your hole.

“Ahhh Joeeeeel—” you drag out. You were really so close, you just needed one more little push.

“Come for me kitten,” he whispered against you, before plunging his tongue back inside you as his thumb came up to press against your little bundle of nerves. That does it, your dam broke down as you came against his mouth as your whole body wouldn’t stop trembling. You came with a loud whine, your hips stuttering as your vision turned white. You cry out his name, your voice unable to remain steady. Your fingers were tightly woven through Joel’s hair and your hips pushed so far against his face, you almost thought you were suffocating him.

“You’re always doing so good for me baby, I love you so much my sweetheart.” Joel whispered against you. As you slowly came down to reality again and you tried to catch your breath, you heard him praising you softly while he continued to lap at your wetness gently, until you whined because the overstimulation was getting too much for you. You Nudged your leg against his face as you tried to squirm away from him, Joel’s mouth finally detached from your heat.

He quickly licked the wetness off his lips and the places he could reach before he crawled up to you with a smile, to kiss you deeply, cupping your face in his hands. You moaned at the taste of yourself against his tongue, your eyes fluttering against his skin while you kiss, his wet beard against your face, your arms wrapped around him to pull his body closer against yours. You sighed, against his mouth, you felt yourself melt in his embrace already. You can feel his soft mouth smiling against yours, as the kiss gets more heated.

Soon your hands start to grip his body tighter against yours, your legs tangling together. It's like you're both starved, this insatiable hunger for each other.

You couldn’t help but roll your hips against his to feel his cock. It turned slick as you kept grinding yourself against him, and he had no trouble gliding his hips against you and rutting it into your clit.

“Oh, fuck” Joel rasped, and it was because he reached down and grasped himself to line up between your lips and slide. He kept rubbing the head of his cock from your entrance, up to your clit, circling until you squirm underneath him, and back down. He loved the sounds you made as he spread his precum around your slit, where you are still dripping for him.

You gasped openly into his mouth, desire growing quickly. You quickly realised by the way he felt while he rubbed against you that he was huge. You were still so wet, but the thought of him finally entering you with his big cock made you wetter. Joel swallowed your whines with his lips against yours, hips rolling against yours. He kissed you full with fervour, his grip on you intensifying heatedly.

You were trembling against him, filled with anticipation. His broad body covered your body with his. Loving how bigger and taller he was than you. You writhed against him, wishing he was just in you already and filling you up and making you see white.

“Are you ready for me darlin’?” He whispered as he looked deep into your eyes. “Let me know if you want me to stop and I will.” He promised.

You bit your lip and nodded, too shy and excited to talk, as you rubbed your pussy against his dick.

“Fuck,” he grunted, “I need you to use your words kitty.”

“Yes,” you whispered breathlessly.

“I’ll try to go slow at first, okay, sweetheart?” He said before leaning back down to kiss your lips again, he reached down and grasped himself to line up between your lips and slide. He rubbed the tip firmly over your swollen clit then moved down to your wet tight hole and your mind was all over the place.

“P-please J-Joel…” you stuttered as your body trembled even more underneath him.

He rubbed himself up and down your slit for a while longer before one of his hands lean down to spread your outer lips sliding his dick teasingly around your core. You arched your back slightly and whimpered loudly out of frustration.

The moment you want to beg him again he leaned down to line it up with your entrance. Your legs trembled underneath him, a mix of nerves and excitement. Joel slid the tip in so slowly it was agonising. Your lips part with a gasp. He was careful, like he was afraid you might break. You let out a long broken whine as he gradually pushed more of him inside you. You whined at the stretch of him. He was so big. You thought big was an understatement, he’s huge. Your tight pussy clenched around him as it tried to accommodate his massive girth. Joel continued to push more of his cock inside you. He leaned down to kiss your lips gently as he moved more inside, hoping the sweetness of the embrace will soften the sting.

His hips stilled once he heard you gasp loudly. “So full…”

“Do you think you can handle more?” He smiled tenderly as he looked down at you.

“T-t-there’s m-more?” You stammered with wide eyes.

“Yeah,” he said breathlessly.

“Please,” You closed your eyes and whined as you nodded. You gripped the bed sheets between your fingers as you begged him for more.

“Good girl,” he groaned softly. You thought there wasn’t a possibility to get more wet but as he said those words you felt your heat get sopping wet. Your pussy continued to pulse and clench around his cock as he moved deeper inside you.

Once he bottomed out, you felt his tip kiss your cervix. Joel let his body rest against yours as he allowed you to adjust to his size. You felt so full, as if he was made for you, and only you. The feeling of him filling you up so completely had you seeing stars and digging your fingernails into his shoulders.You felt one of his hands finding your hand, lacing them with yours as the other one reached up to your face.

His breathing was heavy as you squeezed his cock repeatedly. Small whimpers left your lips as you squirm underneath him.

You needed more.

You slowly opened your eyes to look up at him with pleading eyes. “Please, Joel.”

“My sweet girl needs me to move?” He asked teasingly, as he cocked his head to the side.

“Yes, please.” You begged as your pussy clenched around his thickness rather hard which made him moan. “I need you to fuck me so bad.”

He licked his lips before he nodded quietly and started moving slow and deep, one hand reached down to play with your clit, while the other held your hand tightly. The sting was hurting for a while, but it easily morphed into a more pleasurable feeling as he moved against you. You’re so overstimulated from all your previous orgasms that the sensation he was giving you is mixed between pain and pleasure.

He grunted as he dropped his head to your ear to kiss and lick at the sensitive skin just below it.

“Such a tight pussy,” he groaned.

The angle was so good, but when his pace picked up he finally leaned down to wrap his arms around you, the action made you gasp and you grab at the sheets around you, to fuck you harder and faster.

“You’re taking me so well, baby. Doing so so, good for me. Y-you’re so perfect.” He whispered as he nuzzled his face against your neck.

You whimpered as his lips moved back up to your lips, enveloping them in a passionate kiss. At a certain point you felt the end of his strokes slide into a pressure point in your core that has you clenching like a vise around his dick. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head from the pleasure he was providing you. A loud noise like nothing you’ve ever made escaped your throat, a strange cry of his name.

“Feeling good sweetheart?” He grunted, a small smirk forming on his lips.

His mouth covered your own instead as he swallowed your mewls, you could feel the tightness return in your belly, the tight coil that pulled tight, tight, tighter. His lips slid away from yours, wet and swollen and his breathing harsh as he tried to suck in air again, and everything was too much. It was just too much for you to handle.

He quickened his pace, his hips snapped up to yours to a fast tempo. “This pussy was made for this cock, isn’t it, baby girl?”

His hands couldn’t get enough of you, sliding around your hips and lower back, wanting to feel all of you, touch you everywhere. You moaned at the feeling of his speed, your fourth? orgasm of the night, coming so close. Your arms wrapped around him and your nails dig in his back making him groan. The feeling of the coil tightening in your belly, tingling down to your legs, ready to snap at any moment.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, cursing under his breath when you purposefully tighten your walls around him. “You look so pretty when you’re stretched around my cock, Christ I bet you’d look so pretty full of my cum too.”

“Please…” you moaned as you thought about him filling you up. “Please Joel, fill this pussy up.”

He groaned as he buried his face into your neck as he fucked into you, making the whole bed rattle at his force.

“You want to cum sweetheart?”

You nodded frantically at his words with your eyes closed as you bit your lip harshly. He brought one of his hands down, rubbing your clit with enough pressure to ensure you’d cum.

“F-fuck fuuuck, Joel-Joel, oh my god. I’m going to—!”

“Cum for me, my pretty angel. Let yourself go. Cum all over me.” He moaned against your ear.

Your whole body trembled as you came with a loud cry, your body squirming underneath his as you held his body closer to yours, your nails digging in his back, scratching it. That time around, the orgasm felt more intense than the others, you were feeling so overwhelmed by the pleasure. Joel groaned in your ear as your walls spasmed and pulsed around his cock, begging him to cum inside, desperate for him to fill you up the way he promised.

“Fuck,“ he moaned, pushing himself up as he thrust deeper into you, the head of his cock hitting your cervix repeatedly. “You want me to fill this pussy up? Until it’s all full and messy?”

You nodded vigorously at his words, whining even more at the sensitivity. Your pussy squeezed around his cock in anticipation. “Please…”

He groaned loudly, as he cummed inside you. The warmth of his seed filled you up and spread within your walls. You whimpered at the feel of his cum dripping out of you.

Once both of you caught your breaths, Joel leaned his forehead against yours before kissing you tenderly.

“Please… stay.” You moaned softly.

“Of course baby,” he whispered before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“Want you to stay inside.” You whimpered as your pussy clenched around him.

Joel groaned, wrapping his arms around you before rolling both of you onto your sides. “anythin’ for you, baby.”

“I love you Joel.” You nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck, enjoying his strong hold on you.

“I love you too sweetheart. You’re everythin’ to me.”

Both of you continued to caress each other’s bodies, whispering sweet nothings, kissing and holding each other until you both fell into a slumber.

Joel caught your heart, promising to hold onto it forever.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller x female reader #tlou x reader #tlou x you #the last of us x reader #the last of us x you #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fic #my writing #I’m aware that there are lots of grammatical errors and just me accidentally switching tenses #I’m just too tired to fix it all 😭

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dyns33 · 11 months

Text

Feeling rainy

Another Dream x female reader

“Honey, you look cloudy today. No, rainy."

"I confirm, he is very rainy at the moment."

"Matthew. Leave us."

"Right away, boss. But I'm sick of being wet all the time when I fly in the Dreaming, thank you very much."

It had taken a little time, but during their relationship, Y/N had acquired several certainties about Morpheus, especially about his mood.

The master of nightmares was not very good at expressing his feelings. Mainly because he didn't always know them himself. Partly because he was stupid and not very good with people.

His emotions were like a storm inside him. And therefore, a storm inside the Dreaming, especially when he was nervous, angry or sad.

Happy or neutral sentiments were preferable, with the sky remaining blue, the sun lighting up the whole realm, and the wind seeming to sing melodies.

Sometimes it was a little too hot, when he was in love and excited, but that was no big deal. Also, it never lasted very long.

Like the weather, Morpheus' mood was changing very quickly, and very easily.

And even though he was doing his best to hide his feelings behind a straight face, the Dreaming never left any doubt that something was bothering him.

"Is it because of last night ?" Y/N asked calmly.

"I don't wish to talk about it, love."

"Not even to please me ? I don't like it when you rain, especially because of me."

"... It's not because of you. I probably overreacted."

"Kind of like always, darling, but that doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid. Do you want a hug ?"

"... Maybe."

The tall, terrible prince of the stories certainly didn't like being seeing as weak, but when Dream was in Y/N's arms, he looked like a cat desperately trying not to purr with pleasure, totally at her mercy.

It wasn't a problem since they were alone, but dreams and nightmares guessed what was going on, as the clouds disappeared and a rainbow formed over their heads.

"She has to cuddle him all the time."

"Hush."

"Merv is right. I may be his more or less emotional raven, but he clearly needs her as an emotional human."

"Get out of my library."

All of this could have gone quite well, since Y/N had managed to decode the functioning of the Dreaming, and therefore of Dream, but sometimes he was visibly lost and upset by her emotions, not knowing how to help her, and beginning to feel them with her.

Which was not a good thing, for him, nor for his kingdom.

Y/N therefore asked for advice around her, knowing that it was useless to ask Morpheus directly. Morpheus never really answered questions. That being said, his subjects weren't necessarily better for it.

Lucienne, loyal intelligent Lucienne advised her to speak to the Lord, as communication was important, although she had to be careful how she wanted to express what she wanted to say, as the Lord could misunderstand things.

Merv and Matthew thought that they should say nothing and just cover him with kisses and compliments so that he would always be happy. Because everyone wanted him to be happy, and everyone loved rainbows.

The Corinthian had a different opinion.

"You have to do exactly like him." he declared with three huge smiles.

"What do you mean, like him ?"

"You want to help him by doing anything so that he doesn't get overwhelmed by emotions ? So don't show any emotion yourself. Keep them inside, act neutral, use a monotonous voice, express your love with ridiculously complicated little sentences, and it will be perfect."

Normally, it would have been strongly discouraged to listen to a nightmare. But despite their bickering, the Corinthian was arguably one of the creations that knew Morpheus best, so Y/N thought it wasn't a bad idea.

After all, Dream was a bit like a sponge. Absorbing all the dreamers' hopes, fears, desires, emotions, and though he was a separate being who felt distinctly, he couldn't completely cut himself off from the rest of the world.

So it seemed logical that he was sometimes troubled by others, and therefore by Y/N, with whom he spent the most time.

It didn't cost much to imitate him. It wasn't necessarily easy, but she could do it, for him, so it wouldn't be rainy or stormy too often.

So she trained in front of a mirror, doing her best to remain impassive as she thought about a joke, her deceased grandfather, an adorable kitten, her boss whom she wanted to strangle, and lots of things that never left her indifferent.

Part of her had thought Morpheus wouldn't notice. Another hoped he would see it, that he would be happy, and that she could smile to herself.

While they were watching her favorite movie together, a funny scene played out and she didn't react. Then another, and another, until Y/N felt that Dream's attention was no longer on the screen, but on her.

"My love, you seem distant."

"Not at all. I'm enjoying a pleasant evening, with you." she said with a neutral tone.

"... You didn't laugh. Would you like to see another movie ?"

"No, I like this movie. You weren't laughing either, do you want to change ?"

"I never laugh."

"Because you're too melancholic to find aything funny ?"

"... No. My laughter... I was informed that my laughter could be frightening."

Y/N then turned to him, and at that moment, she almost smiled, finding the revelation ridiculous and adorable, wanting to hear that laughter that her lover was so ashamed of, out of curiosity, but above all to reassure him.

Except that for that, she would have to show emotions, and make him feel emotions, and the goal was to remain as neutral as possible, so Y/N forced herself to remain neutral, looking at him straight in the eyes so that he knew that she was serious, while looking for the right wording.

"I'm sure your laugh is sweet." was the best thing that came to her, patting Morpheus' hand, before watching the movie again.

There were many other moments like this, at the New Inn, at the park, in the Dreaming, and Y/N really thought that everything was fine, that she was doing a good job. The weather seemed calm, with a few distant clouds, but no storms in sight.

Still, there was something in Morpheus' eyes when he looked at her. Curiosity mixed with fear. She didn't dare tell him about it, thinking it was nothing, and he didn't tell her either.

Until Matthew came to visit her as she was getting ready to go to sleep.

"I don't know if I should ask you to go to bed quickly, or advise you to stay awake."

"Why ? What's going on ? Morpheus is in trouble ?!"

"Uh... That depends. Is everything okay between you two ?"

"Yes, perfectly fine. Why ?" she asked, suddenly worried.

"I don't know. It's foggy at the moment. We've had a few rains, a few tornadoes, but Lucienne managed to calm it down. Except that... Hmm... I don't know if I should say it."

"Matthew."

"He thinks you don't love him anymore." sighed the raven, lowering his head.

The news hit Y/N straight to the heart. For a moment, she wondered how Dream could have come to such a conclusion. Then she remembered how Dream was, his difficulties in understanding people, emotions, and even if he himself didn't often show what he felt, he clearly needed others to show him.

For a month, Y/N thought to make him happy. For a month, Morpheus thought she wanted to leave him.

"... This is a terrible misunderstanding."

"Glad to hear that. Can you tell him, please ?"

Falling asleep when stressed might take a while, but Y/N needed to see Morpheus quickly, so she closed her eyes thinking hard about him, and she arrived on the balcony of his palace.

It was raining.

Obviously, Matthew had come to see her before Lucienne went to speak to her master.

Dream stood in the rain, motionless, watching his realm. He didn't move when she came close to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I love you, you know that ?" she asked shyly.

"I hope so."

"In wanting to please you, I made a mistake. Your mood changes so easily, you can be so fragile, so sensitive."

"I'm not fragile." he muttered, continuing to stare into the distance.

"You are, but that's neither an insult nor the question. I thought... The Corinthian told me that if I don't show my emotions, I won't upset you with them and that you I would be happy. I wanted to help, really. Since you know that I love you, I imagined that it wouldn't change anything. It would be inside, like for you. Sorry."

Finally, Dream turned to her, looking surprised and solemn. He stared at her for a long time, before taking a deep breath.

"I see. So you made several mistakes, indeed."

"Dream..."

"You listened to the Corinthian, a nightmare."

"I know."

"You thought it would be good for you to keep your emotions inside, like me. Knowing that my emotions are never really inside, but entirely outside, in the Dreaming, while you should keep your storms in your little heart."

"I get it, I..."

"And you believed that I would like you to deprive me of your smile. Of your laughter. That you hide your sadness from me, which I could erase with kisses. Your anger, which I could appease with poems. Your love, which I carry in my chest. All this to make me happy ?"

So Morpheus did something that Y/N hadn't imagined.

He laughed.

And like he said, his laugh was a little scary. Inhuman. A sound that mortals weren't supposed to hear, that no one was supposed to hear. But he was laughing, and he was smiling, and he came over to kiss her, and Y/N thought she liked that sound a lot.

"My love, your emotions, all your emotions, are my joy. Do not hide them from me."

"Okay. But promise me you'll tell me when it's rainy, and why."

"Very well."

"And I was right, your laugh is very sweet."

"Yeah, I guess love makes you blind and deaf."

"Matthew. Leave us."

"Yes, boss. Glad it's not raining anymore."

Indeed, the sun had returned as he spoke, a bright sun, and even if the weather could never be perfect, like their relationship, Y/N would do everything to make Morpheus as bright as possible.

#The Sandman #dream of the endless #dream of the endless x reader #dream of the endless imagine #dream of the endless fanfiction #morpheus #morpheus x reader #morpheus fanfiction

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gentlebeardsbarngrill · 1 month

Text

04/23/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; David Jenkins; Taika Waititi; Samba Schutte; Vico Ortiz; Astroglide; Articles; Fan Spotlight: Cast Cards; Never Left Podcast; OFMD Colouring Pages; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika

== David Jenkins ==

Chaos Dad popped out to send some love and support today!

Img Src: David Jenkins Twitter

= Taika Waititi =

Well, Taika broke the internet today with his Belvedere commercial. Directed and starred in it. Be sure to open a window because it is hot.

youtube

= Samba Schutte =

Samba has started up a new T Shirt campaign to benefit the charity @everymomcounts that helps to make pregnancy and childbirth, safe and equitable! You can either buy a #CrewForLife t-shirt, or sign up for one of his baking classes/meet and greets!

Our Merch Means Death on Stands

Delicious Chaos with Samba Schutte

== Vico Ortiz ==

Vico starred in a short called Fire F*cking Fire and great news it's headed to the Tribeca Film Festival in June!

Img Src: Vico Ortiz IG

== Astroglide ==

Our besties over at @astroglideofficial put out a word search today with a few words/phrases you'll recognise!

Img Src: Astroglide Twitter

== Articles ==

Warner Bros. Stock Has Had a Rough Year. Why This Analyst Thinks It Will Get Even Worse.

Mark Indelicato Frustrated With Queer Shows Constantly Cancelled

== Fan Spotlight ==

== Cast Cards ==

Our fabulous @melvisik has another cast card for us! Tonight's is another one of the bourgeousie that Frenchie and Olu manageed to include in their Pyramid Scheme! They are the one that Olu told to "Go Away"!

Img Src: @melvisik's Twitter

== Never Left Podcast ==

Next episode of the podcast Never Left is out! This one is Beautiful Princess Disorder Part 5!

Never Left Instagram

Never Left Linktr.ee

== OFMD Colouring Pages ==

More colouring pages from the fantastic @patchworkpiratebear ! Visit their tumblr for more!

== Love Notes ==

Hey there Lovelies. Happy Taika Tuesday! Did you have a good day today?

Dad's comments today brought out a lot of folks sharing their stories on therapy and I wanted to chat about it for a moment.

First of all, if you're delving out for the first time (or trying again after years of not going)-- just know, you're being really brave. Depending on where you come from and your background, mental health may not have been something that your family prioritized (or maybe it was but therapy was never an option). It can be pretty scary to talk to someone you don't know about your inner most worries. You're taking a big step, and I'm proud of you for that.

You've looked at your situation, whatever tough things you're experiencing, and you've decided to prioritize you and your mental health-- and that's amazing. It's a hard decision to make sometimes, and as simple as it should be, it's not that easy. I'm so happy that mental health is talked about and therapy is so much more accepted now a days. Growing up I was in a situation where we "didn't talk about ourselves to other people" and that can be so very lonely when you are feeling really down.

I wanted to mention a couple things that I didn't know going into therapy-- in case they help at all, but obviously every experience is different, so feel free to take or leave the advice :)

Firstly, therapy doesn't solve things overnight. Sometimes it'll take weeks, or months, or years to unpack some of the things you really need to work through. It'll take time. When I went to therapy for the first time, for some reason I thought I'd just be able to dump all my problems out on a table and the therapist would pick one and we'd work on it. Instead it was a gradual thing, where they got to know me, I got to know them, and the more we talked the more we were able to unravel. I just don't want you to get discouraged if it takes longer than you planned, it's definitely a process.

Secondly, something to remember, is not all therapists are going to vibe with you. It took me a few tries before I found a therapist that really worked well with me. If you don't feel like it's helping, consider looking into a different therapist, sometimes it's not the therapy that you're struggling with, but just a mismatched vibe with your therapist. If you can help it-- don't give up right away, try another, I was really grateful that I did.

Thirdly, and if you're like me, this is a tough one. Remember to advocate for yourself. Sometimes a therapist may want to try certain therapies, or exercises, and it's something you've tried and just isn't working for you, or they want to go a medication route and you dont, or maybe they're saying something you disagree with. Remember you're your own advocate here, and they're here to help you, not hinder you from getting to where you want to be. Speak up for yourself if you can.

Lastly, therapy, especially the first few, don't always end in happy feelings. Think of it like a muscle in your leg that you haven't been using for years...and it's atrophied. You have to build that muscle back up, and it can really hurt occasionally during that time. You might leave therapy feeling worse once or twice because you're finally letting out some of that vitriol you've been holding onto for so long. It should feel better later.. maybe the next day, but it may not feel great the same day. That's a perfectly reasonable experience to have, and if you feel awesome, that is too!

Anyway lovelies, not sure if that helps, but I wanted to share it just in case it helped someone.

Whether you're going to therapy tomorrow, or soon, or ever, or never, I am really proud of you. You're doing what you need for you, and that's the most important thing. You deserve good things, and healthy thoughts and positive feelings. You really do. You got this <3

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Tonight's theme is hats <3 Taika Gif Courtesy of the phenomenal @ofmd-ann, Darby gif Courtesy of the lovely @funforahermit

#daily ofmd recap #daily ofmd recaps #ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #vico ortiz #david jenkins #samba schutte #never left podcast #our flag means death #ofmd #rhys darby #taika waititi #Youtube #Spotify

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ao3commentoftheday · 10 days

Note

How do you build confidence as a writer and start to feel okay with your own writing, as well as the stats your writing gets? I’m not a new writer, and I don’t think I’m a bad one, but I am really bad with capturing the fandom zeitgeist, and a lot of the times when I try to write characters based on how they acted in canon, I get accused of bashing them. I don’t care about rude or unflattering comments on my fics, but definitely fewer people kudos my fics when I try to write the characters how I see them instead of fanon characterization, and it sucks to know I don’t make fic recs lists or even get casually recced for anything I’ve ever written on Discord because of my writing choices. More and more often, I feel like I shouldn’t write because I know my fics will never get the praise and attention BNFs do, and then I feel guilty for not writing. But I also know that if I do, I’ll just end up with more fic readers won’t want, and let’s face it: it’s not like anyone will choose my fics when they could have a BNF’s. Is there any way for me to accept that no one will ever love my fic as much as they love fics by BNFs, and to stay motivated in spite of feeling like my writing is just permanently unwanted? Or would giving up at this point be kinder to myself if I can’t stop comparing? (I know frequent advice in these cases is to focus on building friendships and finding a community, but IME, people in fandom either aren’t interested, don’t reach out, or already have had their friends circle since the LJ days and don’t want to bother with you. Any advice on where I’d even begin?)

*hugs* Oof. That's a rough spot to be in, anon, and you're definitely not alone 💗

I think in this situation, you need to figure out what exactly it is that you're looking for. You start by asking how to get confidence as a writer, but I think you already have it. You know what stories you want to tell, and you write those stories the way you want to tell them. To me, that means that you have plenty of confidence. You have a clear vision and goal, and you write with them in mind.

Next, you mention stats but I don't think that's the issue either - except inasmuch as they can be a sign of other things. Stats on their own, however, are just numbers attached to your works. If seeing those numbers on your works and the works of others causes you distress or annoyance or another emotion you'd rather not experience, then I strongly recommend using a site skin to hide them.

The bulk of your message is about what it sounds like the issue really is: attention, praise, and yes community. You want people to get excited with about your works. You want people to talk to other people about the things that you write. You want to feel loved, or at least appreciated. You're not alone in wanting those things either.

I think the writing side of things is going well - at least from the information you've provided here. The part that isn't working for you is the posting. Putting your work up on AO3 is not only dissatisfying, it's actively discouraging you from writing more.

I'm going to make my own suggestion and then I'll leave the floor open for the blog to add in their thoughts: Have you considered role playing instead of fic writing? For the last several years, I've tucked my writing away in a discord server with my fandom bestie. We've written thousands of stories and millions of words, almost none of which have ever been posted to AO3. We don't feel the need for comments and kudos because we're both having so much fun collaborating with our blorbos and each other, writing things to make the other one happy (or sad or laugh etc), that what other people might think about it doesn't actually matter.

She also RPs in various servers with friends and strangers alike, but I haven't enjoyed that as much as just shooting replies back and forth with her. Your mileage may vary, as they say, but that might be one way to get the feedback and excitement that you're craving - whether it's in a big server with lots going on or just a little corner of 2 or 3 people.

What do the rest of you think?

#asks and answers

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agirlwithglam · 3 months

Text

how to develop self love and confidence

— a step by step guide by yours truly ♥

disclaimer!! for some people it can take a lot longer to love themselves than others, so don't be discouraged if it takes a bit longer. just remember that no matter what you think, you ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.

step 1: identifying the root cause

first you need to find WHY you dont love yourself. it usually comes down to these main reasons:

society

your looks

comparison

your abilities

childhood trauma

your current situations

it can be just one or more than one, and sometimes it may not be as simple as "my looks", sometimes you may have to dig deeper.

for me, it was because i thought i was "ugly"

step 2: once you know the WHY, research about the topic and try and solve it.

here ive broken down the 6 reasons to help you a bit: (but remember that this is just a small break down, if you want you can research more about the topic & try to battle it)

society: society has tricked us into believing that loving yourself is considered 'vain' or 'narcissistic'. let me tell you right now that THAT IS NOT TRUE. loving yourself is a basic necessity that everyone should have!!

your looks: this is something i struggled with for a loong time. remember that beauty is subjective!! bob could think that travis looks 'average' but Leo could think that travis looks absolutely gorgeous!! ☆ so how did i overcome this? i actually 'glowed up'. bc the main thing i didnt like was face- my teeth to be specific. so once i got braces, my teeth aligned and i started looking so much better. ☆ other struggles: ↴ for you if it may be acne, then you could start trying to take care of your skin better. or if its body image then if you reeeeally dont like it then literally just start working out. if you have the option to yet you still dont then dont complain. but remember that ALL BODIES ARE PERFECT. ★ another thing that helped me a lot was affirmations! i listened to a bunch of affirmations -> i used this video by thewizardliz and it did wonders! (you can also search up on yt self-love/ beauty affirmations)

comparison: for most people comparison comes from social media right? the simple solution to this would be unfollow accounts that dont serve you, or delete/ set a time limit on the social media platform "but what if i compare myself to people i meet in real life?" well we can't exactly unfollow or delete these people but what we can do is turn that jealousy (yes, jealousy) into inspiration! be inspired by the people with greater lives and use that to pull yourself forward! ☆ a quote that i read once (that may or may not help you) : "do not compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 50." you never know what the other person has gone through or is going through that got them to this point!

your abilities: okay theres not much i can say here except that you can learn almost everything online nowadays. stop complaining and get off your lazy butt to prove to yourself just how much potential you have! (but don't beat yourself up for being a lazy butt, im one as well) here is a link to a TON of stuff you can learn online!

childhood trauma: this is a bit of a more delicate subject which i do not know a lot on, my best suggestion would be to just go to therapy (or use an online therapy app- betterhelp). - watching thewizardliz may help as well as she might know more about the topic.

your current situation: whether its trouble with friends, at school, at work, or with family i promise you that these things do not last forever. humans were not put on earth to be unhappy and miserable! (whats the point in that?) my advice is to learn more about the topic (for ex i was struggling with being left out w friends for a while and it did hurt a bit) and see what you can do to fix it or at least make the best out of it. + another reminder that you can use the law of assumption- in basic words the law states that whatever you desire, you have. all you need to do is accept that. heres a quote i read: "if you dont like where you are,, then move. you aint a tree." this is literally YOUR life. RESPECT yourself and dont let people treat you bad because that is disrespecting yourself!

step 3: focus on yourself!!

my favourite step!!

this is your sign to stop focussing on others' lives and start focussing on your own.

when you start to focus on yourself, up level yourself and try to become your best version of yourself, you actually end up falling in love with that version of yourself, and your current version!

ask yourself: is there even something to love?

ask yourself: would you want to date or be friends with someone like you? think actually deep about this; if your answer is no, then that obviously means that there is some work to do.

if you're constantly negative and complaining and rude all the time, trust me, literally no ones gonna want to hang out with you. and then you'll adopt that 'victim mindset' of "nobody likes me and i suck". instead of doing that, why dont you try to just suck a bit less? there isn't any pressure on you to become amazing the next day, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

small things/habits to start:

gratitude

hydration

exercising

journalling

meditation

eating healthy

developing a skill

get enough sleep

take cold showers

taking care of your skin

invest in your appearance

focussing on school/ your grades

go outside! go for walks, be in nature!

changing what you consume (resources below)

some resources that helped me SO MUCH:

♡ thewizardliz

♡ tam kaur

♡ persephone's mind

and meditation! its so extremely underated but SO VALUABLE.

xoxo, vanilla

#agirlwithglam🎀✨#it girl tips💗💋#vanilla self improvement⭐️#self love #it girl #girlblog #confidence #self improvement #self validation #self worth #self love guide #that girl #girlblogging #that girl tips #it girl tips #it girl energy #confidence guide #confidence tips

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luckykiwiii101 · 4 months

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Hello,

I’ve been in this community for a while already, maybe since 2021 but I haven’t really been keeping count. My journey has mostly been a mixture of being desperate and uncommitted. There would be times where I would put in a lot of effort for 1-2 days but honestly would just burn myself out because I would let doubts rule me. So many times I’ve said I’m going to enter and log off tumblr to do it, but I kept logging back in and looking for more information or letting drama that’s always going on in this community affect me. For a whole month I actually managed to stay off void and loa tumblr by creating another account and strictly using that for fics I read. I didn’t really persist because I kept putting it off and I don’t even know why. I logged back on and realized I don’t find myself wanting to continue the same loop that I see a lot of people still chasing. Stepping back, I really see how useless and self sabotaging it is and I know most people are aware of this too but don’t want to break the habit by letting this desperation go.

There’s always going to be the feeling that you’re missing something or that there’s something better for you to try as a method if you keep holding on to the desperation. This loop is dangerous because it’s so easy to fall into and it gets comfortable. People get distracted by new things to try or by drama that’s always circulating. These things can seem exciting and curious but they really don’t matter. We’re not here to feed into tumblr drama, to learn all about it, find out who’s lying/telling the truth, to accuse others, etc. Most of us are going to be gone as soon as we enter void. Who cares about keeping up with the latest void methods and tumblr drama when you’re not even going to think back on it after you succeed. You already know everything you need to know. Don’t make this your “comfortable zone”. People get used to this familiarity of trying, wishing and hoping together, and following the latest news and trends that they get comfortable like this.

I don’t know how to word this but I’ve also seen people romanticize their struggles together. Community is so great and a place to relate to others, but lots of people make it a group effort to struggle. Reaching void state isn’t a group effort. You don’t need to ask others to manifest for you and you don’t need to wait for others to try something out to see if it works. You also don’t need validation from others and expect them to dissect what you did wrong. Someone else’s journey or attempts doesn’t correlate to yours so don’t let it decide yours (unless you know it helps you). You shouldn’t feel discouraged by someone else’s attempts because it’s not yours.

Community is so helpful, but individuality is the key. You need to do this for yourself and by yourself at the end of the day. I know it can be hard but really it’s all up to you and it’s so worth it. People can help you through advice and you can relate to people, but you need to be the one making the choices and putting in the effort to persist.

I saw someone on your page say they are going to log off and persist and (I think) come back with their success. They’re so right and I’m honestly going to do the same. I tried staying off void tumblr for a whole month and it wasn’t too hard. It allowed me to really reflect on myself, which I encourage people who can relate to this post, do. I read your tough love post about how some people will never get their dream life because of a lack of persistence/backbone and their mindset. This post really hit me because it represented my views on void tumblr and my previous struggle with the void state. I really don’t want to be this person anymore so I won’t be. I will succeed this time because there really is no other option. I’ve honestly had enough and I’ve already wasted enough time. These are just my thoughts and I encourage people to get off void/loa tumblr and just persist. You don’t need an epiphany to hit you to finally enter void state. But if you do, take the Not so Sugar and Spice post (I believe that’s what it’s called) as one.

Sorry for over sharing and the long post, but I really wanted to get this off my chest and I wanted to let people know that no matter how much you’ve struggled with the void and mindset in the past, kind of like me, you can still make the choice to persist and break habits that don’t benefit you.

I want to say thank you for your post for the inspiration and goodbye for now 💞

I’m SO SO proud of you 💗💗💗

And yes I too recommend that post to people who are mindlessly roaming void and loa tumblr looking for methods to enter the void state because that isn’t going to get them anywhere.

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obey-me-disaster · 1 year

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Brothers with an MC who's a total noob at cooking. Their food isn't as bad as Solomon's but there's room for improvement. Like sometimes it's too bland or too salty. How would the brothers help MC and how would they react to seeing Solomon offer to give cooking advise to MC?

Oh look...it's me...

Demon brothers x gn!MC

MC who is a noob at cooking

You were never that great of a cook and honestly, you made peace with that fact. You had a lot of time to improve yourself and it's not like you had to cook for other people.

Or at least that was the case until you were dragged to literal Hell, where you would have to cook for 7 other people from time to time, when you were on dinner duty.

At least you could blame your bad cooking on the fact that Devildom had an entire new list of foods and cooking styles, no one has to know that you are a noob at cooking human world food too...

Lucifer

He was aware you'll need help to get accustomed to Devildom's food, so he assigned someone to help you each time it was your time to cook.

If you want to get better he would be more than glad to tell you where you could improve with your cooking.

He catches on pretty early that you lack experience with cooking in general, not just with Devildom cooking...

No matter if you put too much seasoing or to little, he will always keep his expression neutral so you wouldn't get discourage from getting better

The only time he would comment, is if Belphegor or Satan took advatange of your lack of experience with cooking to put stuff in his food. But at that point it's beyond whay you can do.

If there is something truly awful that you made, he may or may not feed it to Cerberus. Will never let you know that tho.

He considered letting you cook without any help at some point...until he overheard Solomon giving you cooking advice. You were not allowed in the kitchen for a whole week and he would not tell you anything beyond "It's for this household's safety'

Mammon

Since he was supposed to look after you, more often than not he has to help you with cooking. Which he complains a lot at first, at least until he falls for you.

He will fight off his other brothers so he can be the one that helps you get better at cooking. He will take pride in teaching you how to make certain dishes and brag about it to his brothers.

If any of the brothers show any signs that they might not like the food(no one does that cause they are fucking simps) he will take full offense on your behalf.

Another one that figures you can't cook human foods either. He is the brother with the most practical knowledge of the human world. He got you figured out in that aspect as fast as Lucifer.

When he overheard you and Solomon talking about how you could make your cooking better he literally picked you up and ran away. Was it jealousy? Fear of the old man's food? No one knows but he is not letting you near that sorcerer for a while

Leviathan

He is not that much help...he will be too focused on his games to really help you. That is unless you make something inspired by one of his animes, then he will become really strict out of nowhere.

He suggests that you cook different stuff from his anime/video games so you could get better. It's a win-win situation for the both of you. He gets his food from anime and you gain experience.

Doesn't dare to tell you if your food is bland or if you used too much salt. He thinks you will hate him if he starts commenting on it. Unless you swear you won't get mad he will keep everything to himself.

Doesn't realize that you are a noob at cooking human food. He just thinks you're not the best at cooking because you are in a different world.

He doesn't actually see Solomon give you cooking advice at RAD because his ass is doing online school. Only when you serve him a literal murder attempt that you dare to call food and tell him you got some advice from Solomon does he realize his fate...

Satan

The best cook in the house. He is well aware that Devildom cusine will be new to you so he planned out some special cooking classes just for you.

He takes this occasion to more or less study how a human would interact with Devildom food when they first see it.

He may also take advantage of these cooking lessons to put poisons and potions in the food ment for Lucifer. Unless you're in the Anti Lucifer League, you are none the wiser about the whole affair.

He will actually tell you when you put too much or too little seasoning into the food. He won't do it in front of others and is always ment in a good way so you could get better at cooking. One of the best people to get advice from when it comes to cooking ngl.

When he saw that Solomon was trying to give you advice for cooking he let that two of you finish the conversation. Once he was sure that Solomon was gone Satan had a serious talk about how you should do the complete opposite of what Solomon has told you. Funny enough, that makes your cooking 10 times better.

Asmodeus

Not much help to be honest. Just like his older brother, he will bring his phone and do something else while chatting with you. To his credit, he does search for tips and recipes online for begginers.

That starts a small tradition between the two of you where he shows you a dish from Devilgram and you try to recreate it. If he helps you are not depends on your mood but one thing is sure, he will post the finished product on Devilgram and will sing praises about it.

He has had to deal with Solomon's cooking for hundred of years, so he developed a really good poker face when it comes to trying cooking he doesn't like. He will try to gently tell you if the food is missing something. He doesn't want to see you sad after all.

With both you and Solomon being bad cooks, he might just have to start thinking that all humans are bad at cooking...or that would have been the case if he didn't hook up with literally renown chefs from human world.

He doesn't even need to hear your discussion with Solomon to know that the old man is giving you cooking advice. He will literally throw himself at the both of you and start talking about the latest drama to get you both distracted.

Beelzebub

He is literally one of the worst demons to have around if you want to get better at cooking...or if you want to cook at all.

He will keep eating the ingredients before you could even use. And as along as your cooking isn't Solomon levels of bad he will enjoy it. At least he is good at making yourself feel proud about your cooking, even in your bad days.

He won't help you get better at cooking and he feels bad about it but he can be one hell of an emotional support demon, your personal cheerleader if you want. He is there to eat all of your failed attempts with a smile on his face.

Asks you to make him something from the human world pretty often. The good thing is he can't tell you're a total noob at cooking that stuff because he genuinely likes your food.

When he sees you and Solomon talk about ways to get better at cooking he literally picks you up and carries you away. Where exactly? Probably Akudonalds

Belphegor

He can be pretty helpful if he wants to. Unfortunately, he prefers to wrap his hands are you waist, rest his head on your shoulder/against your back and sleep. Which makes it really hard for you to move around. The brat is lucky he is cute.

Just like Satan, he will put poison/potions in the food that is ment for Lucifer as a prank when you are not looking.

Since he often cooks for Beel, he gives pretty good tips about how to cook big portions of food without putting too much energy into it. Probably some of the best advice considering that you have to cook for you and 7 other demons, one who is the personification of gluttony

He sends you different foods he is craving and demands that you make them. He claims that it counts as practice, you call bullshit on it and leave it at that. On the occasions that you do decide to try your hand at cooking whatever he asks, he will get pretty embarrassed cause he didn't expect that you would actually do it.

If he sees Solomon trying to give you tips about cooking he will literally walk in the middle of your conversation and start using you as a body pillow to distract you from your conversation.

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barananduen · 9 months

Text

Art Advice: How to Have a Positive Outlook

Welcome to the next Art Advice Article in the series! This time, we'll talk about tactics you can use to not feel discouraged when things don't turn out the way you want.

🌳It Happens to Everyone

If it gives you some consolation, know the fact that everyone screws up sometimes, even professionals. People just tend to not show their screw-ups, so it's easy to make the false assumption that everything they do is wonderful and they never mess up. Just because you didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen. Mistakes and work the artist doesn't like happen to everyone at all levels. It's completely normal!

🌳Changing Your Outlook about Mistakes

When we draw something that doesn't come out how we intended it, keeping these two things in mind will help you move forward. We'll introduce the ideas first and then expand on them below.

Mistakes are necessary for progress. Every time something doesn't come out "right," we get one step closer to getting to the point where it does come out just the way we want it (perhaps even better!). We just need to keep trying and not give up.

You can use humor to not let it get you down. Laugh at your own mistakes. You don't have to show them to others if you don't want to, but YOU can laugh at your own screw-ups. It will help you not feel bad about them.

🌱Expanding on #1: Mistakes are Necessary for Progress

Whenever something doesn't come out right, you will (should) work on fixing it, if not in that drawing, then in the next one(s). These are the stepping stones necessary for perfecting your craft. Think of it like defeating baddies in a video game: you can't level up without overcoming those obstacles.

I know people say it so much that it's almost become a cliche, but it's true: practicing is necessary to get to where you want to be. Art is like a sport: you're not going to become a goal-scoring machine without having first spent time standing in front of the goal shooting balls at it during training, and then doing it while moving and with other players in the way (add obstacles/change scenarios). When I used to go to conventions, I would see people sitting on the floor or wherever with their sketchbooks, drawing all the time; then the people in the artists' alley were always drawing while at their table.

🌱Expanding on #2: Using Humor

This is easier explained with a story, so I'll tell you of a time I wanted to learn how to draw panthers. I'd never drawn one before, so I drew a few.

One looked like Bart the bear, that big brown (Kodiak) bear that you used to get in all the movies.

So I LOLed at it and took a look at my bear cosplaying as a wannabe-panther and tried to figure out why it looked like a bear instead of a panther - aha! the lower jaw was too long. I made it shorter. Also, the eye was too round.

(Note: At the time, I didn't know I was going to use this for an article, so I didn't scan it before corrections; I've drawn over the scan to show what it originally looked like.)

I drew another, but it looked like a cute shiba-inu instead. I drew a bow on it and some blush; had another laugh. I looked at my shiba-inu cosplaying a hello-kitty panther and tried to find out what made it look like a shiba-inu instead of a panther. The jaw was STILL too long.

I left my shiba-inu/hello-kitty because it was funny and drew another one, this time with an even shorter lower jaw. Still not right. Made the lower jaw thicker from gum to chin.

Repeat, repeat, repeat drawing more panthers until I got one I liked. Then I drew it again. Then I drew it from another angle to make sure I'd gotten the hang of it.

🌳Closing

So, when you have something you don't like:

Remember that this happens to everyone.

Mistakes make progress.

Don't be harsh on yourself, laugh at it instead.

Look closely to see exactly what about it seems "off," then you can work on those bits.

Once you get it right, try again a couple more times to cement the knowledge.

Last, but very important: don't drown in your mistakes, always stop and appreciate what you did RIGHT! There is plenty of good stuff, but, in general, we, as humans, tend to overlook it and focus on the negative things. Don't. While it's important to learn from our mistakes, it's also important to recognize our successes so we can build on them. Do not neglect your strengths!

And remember to enjoy the process of what you're doing! 💖

Happy arting! ~B~

🌳More Art Advice Articles

You can find the index to all Art Advice Articles [here]

#art advice #art tips #art help #art resources #positivity #artists on tumblr #art tutorial #motivation #art #how to

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tommymillerdump · 1 year

Text

you got it wrong. - tommy miller x f!reader

summary: tommy overhears a conversation between two familiar people.

word count: 8.5k lol sorry

disclaimers/tags: minors dni. age gap (reader is in her mid-twenties). miscommunication. detailed smut. lots of 'good girl's. one instance of spanish. just horny, tbh.

read my pinned post! | cross-posted on ao3

"He's an old man, Tabby. You can't flirt with him like you would a guy our age and expect it to have an effect."

Boredom leads you to rearrange the boxes under the bar while your friend finishes sweeping the room. Julian will likely have another breakdown when he sees that you moved 'his' stuff for the third time in two months. How hard can it be to find the three bottles of Rosé left in the world?

She groans, leaning her weight against the broom and miserably blinking up at the ceiling.

"C'mon, what was your plan? To bat your lashes at him as much as possible, then flirt with someone else in front of him in hopes that his jealousy muscle hasn't atrophied since his early twenties so he ends up at your door in one, maybe two nights? Never gonna happen. You can throw yourself at him and still, when he sits down on that comfortable armchair at night, crackling knees and sore back, he is forgetting all about you."

Tabitha's mouth hangs open, defiance and stubbornness reigning over her soft features.

"He's not that old!"

You tsk at her, narrowing your eyes. "He kind of is."

Both of you end up giggling so hard you have to bend over the counter, trying to alleviate the pain in your abdomen. Tabby has her back to you, trying to continue sweeping through her laughter, and you take the opportunity to really think about this situation.

It sucks to discourage your friend. But you have seen Joel. You have hunted with him, helped him pick a book for the kid from the limited library you started in one of the rooms in your cabin, let him help you with your aim. He's alright, but also a severely guarded man not looking for someone to break down his walls.

Unless he's prepared to surprise you, which doesn't really sound like him, Tabby is probably not his type. Bless her gorgeous face, but you don't understand how someone who saw her childhood get ripped away by the apocalypse could stay so chirpy and bright.

Although, you have to wonder how much of your advice derives from a genuine desire to protect your friend from getting rejected by a tactless older man and not your own selfish reassuring.

Except it isn't Joel who caught your eye. His goddamn brother, with the shiny dark curls and the breathtaking dimples. Delicious accent that makes him sound equally intimidating and enticing contrasting with how kindly his gaze falls on everyone in Jackson.

He is temptation wrapped in a fur-collared denim jacket and you feel like a weakened, doubt-filled young religious whose resolve threatens to shatter every time he walks by.

Shame creeps up your spine as you regretfully imagine what he would think if he knew. Would he make fun of you to his brother? This girl who barely got a taste of the real world before it went to shit when he had spent the better part of his life in it, he probably thinks of you as primitive.

The women you picture him with before the outbreak were elegant and intelligent, attractive. You learned the bare minimum in FEDRA's school before joining and subsequently fleeing the Fireflies. You can hunt. You have killed. You're a fighter, not quite a poet or a lover.

Just as importantly, their sexual lives had not yet been stunted by the outbreak. You lost your virginity to an officer in the QZ in exchange for rations. There were some other inexperienced boys in the Fireflies. You stopped looking for sex after arriving in Jackson, feeling like there was simply no space for seduction in the apocalypse. And if it wasn't sexy, it was not enjoyable. What was the point?

So now you feel like a sexless, unattractive, uneducated thing disguised as a woman.

"Okay, my wise friend, what do you suggest then?" You look up from your hands and she rolls her eyes at your puzzled expression. "I'm not giving up so easily, this is the most exciting thing to happen around here in a while."

Tommy walks in at the right time. He knew it was cleaning and restocking day for the Tipsy Bison, and it had not escaped his mind exactly which duo never failed to volunteer for the task. So when he heard Tabitha's suggestive tone, he couldn't help but linger behind the kitchen door.

"Tabby, what-"

"No, c'mon, I wanna know. Let's say you couldn't stand another day without putting your hands on Miller," Tommy nearly drops everything. "What would you do?"

His fingers are turning red, intertwined with the holes in the heavy plastic boxes, holding his breath as if he doesn't want to scare a tauntingly innocent prey.

And then you sigh, a laugh coasting your tone.

"My best guess is to just take it, right? Like I said, can't expect him to play the game at his age, probably doesn't have enough stamina to keep it going." At this point, you're just pushing your friend's buttons, but Tommy can't see that across the door, feeling his grip tighten. "He might entertain it but then again, at the end of the day, all he wants is that comfy couch to lay his aching back on. If you want anything to happen, you quite literally have to go ahead and rob that old man blind of his dignity."

The other young woman bursts into laughter. He doesn't know whether to be offended or incentivized by the way you took him for a debilitated senior.

If you only knew the sinful amount of times he thought of you under the enveloping pressure of the shower, the image of your concentrated furrow in the early morning light as you waited at the gates for Joel, completely unaware that he was watching you, fueling the rapid strokes as he tugs at his own cock. Maybe if you knew about the juvenile shame that washes over him when he passes by and greets you like he hadn't just jerked off thinking about what you looked like under the thick winter clothes, guilt shooting through his body when you smile at him so sweetly and unsuspecting. Would you mock his awkwardness when he asks Joel how hunting went and his brother gives him a reprimanding look?

He's not proud of it. In your own words, he's an old man. And you had the right idea, even if a little misguided, that he wouldn't do anything about it. It's not a matter of virility, it's that he didn't want you to be put off by his interest. He didn't want to make you feel too uncomfortable to hunt with his brother again or lend Ellie books. He had accepted you would be nothing but a terrible late-night habit.

Except now he heard you share these urges, he might have to show you he can offer a lot more than you think. Out of spite.

"Holy shit, you fucking minx. Where have you been hiding all that spirit?"

Tommy can picture your nonchalant shrug. "That is between me and my showerhead."

He hears you break into giggles but it's not enough to cover the sound of the glass bottles knocking against each other as the heavy boxes almost slip from his sweaty hands. The laughter stops abruptly and he knows he can't just hide anymore, so he takes a deep breath and kicks the swinging door open.

Color drains from both faces, spines snapping up and eyes widening.

"Girls."

For the sake of your friend, you recover quickly, sharing a polite smile at the unexpected visitor and redirecting your gaze strategically to what he's holding.

"Hey, Tommy." In the background, he sees Tabitha wave awkwardly and try to spit out his name, but her mouth is likely too dry and it comes out more like a scratchy noise. "Let me take those off you."

He freezes. "What?"

Your hands extend in front of him. "The boxes."

"Oh," No, not your clothes, pervert. "I got it, sweetheart, thank you."

He's not gonna miss the chance to demonstrate he's not as worn and weathered as you think, easily bending down to set the crates on the floor by your feet. When he comes up again, he makes sure to roll up his sleeves before heading back outside to get the rest. Something an old girlfriend said was infallible and for some reason, over twenty years later, he's actually putting it to the test.

"That's all of 'em." You're crouched under the bar, pushing the boxes into the restricted space and somehow making them fit, when he sets the last one down. "While I'm here, d'you need anythin' else?"

"Uhm," Tapping over the bottles, his fingers squeeze his buckle as he watches what are delicate hands for someone as capable as you. And then you smile up at him. "I think we're okay, thanks."

It's much stronger than him, which is embarrassing to admit, but his eyes travel down your neck to your cleavage. All you did was take advantage of the fact you were inside and shed a layer and he used it to leer at you. Feeling bad, Tommy smacks his lips and nods to both women, stopping to take a much-needed breath as soon as he is back behind the door, massaging his forehead when he really actually wanted to slap himself.

"Do you think he heard us?"

Your heart is nearly beating out of your chest.

"Sure hope not, I don't want trouble with Miller of all people."

He practically sprints outside.

"Call me crazy but I'm pretty sure Tommy Miller was checking you out." Her hands come up when you glare at her. "Just saying he was enjoying the view from above."

"You know we're taking three hours to clean a very tiny space, right? C'mon, we don't have all day."

Touching the back of your neck, you know the hair standing up is a terrible sign that you actually entertained what Tabby said, despite what rationale tried to convince you of. But you truly don't want trouble, refusing to waste time dreaming about things that were likely not there. So you pick up the abandoned rag and return to wiping down the counter, dreading the moment you'll see him again.

-----------

You're barely done drying your hair when you hear a knock on your door.

"Coming, just a second!" You yell from the top of the stairs hoping they hear it. Still wrapped in your towel, you run back to the bedroom and push your head out of the window to see Tommy in his signature jacket. "Shit."

Quickly dressing up in jeans and a T-shirt, you're descending the stairs when you realize you forgot to put a bra on. Fuck it, who knows, he might not notice.

You have to hide shaky hands behind the door when you greet him.

He's shivering and the tip of his nose is pinkish, so you step forward and nudge him inside. "Jesus, Tommy, come in."

"I'm sorry-"

"Sorry, I was getting dressed." His eyes swiftly move down and then back up over your figure and you feel the air in the room become thinner. "What do you need?"

He lifts a hard-cover novel.

"Joel asked me to return this." He had volunteered. "Ellie wants to know if you have anything funnier."

The rare instance of Tommy sort of joking pulls an earnest grin from you, which quickly turns into a frown. Do you have anything remotely comical?

You take the book from his hands, already mechanically inspecting its state while walking to the room you've turned into a modest library. Child or not, you've made rules for everyone who wants to borrow from you, and the example being returned in the same condition is a crucial one.

He follows you feeling pathetically shy, strings of his heart pulled as you become lost in trying to find the kid something she might like. That concentrated furrow steals the oxygen from his lungs.

He's not shy about watching you, however, and your dextrous fingers placing the old book in its spot while running over engraved titles that could satisfy Ellie's request.

"What the fuck in here is funny?"

"Funnier. Just has to be funny-er."

He notes, trying to help, but you mostly ignore him. So he lays back, leaning his hips against a desk in the corner, and watches your profile as you take your time choosing the right book.

Your jeans are a little baggier than he's used to seeing you in, but he can still trace the shape of your ass. He thinks about having caught you fresh off a shower. Your hair looks fluffy and smells of some sweet fruit he can't think of right now. And then your breasts, which he immediately noticed were not restricted beyond your T-shirt, perfectly pronounced by the fabric clinging to them.

"Ah, duh."

You tap the side of the shelf with ringed fingers - did you put them on for whoever was at the door or did you shower with them? When you touch yourself, do you keep them on? God, he needs to stop - moving to the other side of the room and getting on your tiptoes to reach a book at the top.

Tommy crosses the room slowly, stopping right in front of you and looking at the cover.

You had never noticed he towered over you, he seemed so much shorter next to Joel. To be fair, you had never been this close to him. Tabby saying he enjoyed the high view he had of you earlier echoes through your mind and you clear your throat, hand coming to your neck to mindlessly scratch at it while you give him a brief rundown of the example.

"It's, uhm, kind of a challenging read so you can tell her she can take as long as she wants with it."

"Is it funny?"

He's joking with you again, so close the air out of his nose pushes the hair away from your face, velvety tone sounding especially provocative.

"In that layered, twisted sense of humour style, yes. Honestly, I think it's right up her alley."

"Sounds like you know your literature."

Such a simple word shouldn't sound so sensual just because he's saying it, in his accent.

"Sometimes I feel so deficient because of FEDRA's shitty education, I'm just trying to catch up on the off chance the world goes back to normal and I have to offer it something again." His eyes raise from the book and it takes everything in you not to look away, kind smile making you feel queasy. You actually feel horrible for admitting you think you're a little bit stupid, so you move on fast. "Believe it or not, most of them came with annotations, so it's not really me. It's whoever was studying them first."

"That's kind of how it goes, though, right? I mean, you read someone else's thoughts and then come up with your own. Plus, stupid people don't know the word deficient." Despite the nerve-wracking eye contact, you find enough strength in yourself to give him an appreciative smile. "Anyways, it's nice to see this other side 'f you."

You take a step back. "Other side?"

"Well, you know, I practically only see you hunting, on patrol or helpin' my brother skin a deer. This is nicer."

It's like a bucket of cold water. It's your fault for even giving a shit that you're so unappealing it surprises him you read.

"Right." Your insecurity instantly shows in your voice, so you cough and turn away from him, pretending to dust off the shelves. "I get it."

Tommy doesn't move. His mind is whirring trying to figure out what your sudden removal from his personal space meant. You're reserved, sure, but he's never seen you embarrassed.

"What? What did I say wrong?"

Even with the uncomfortable chuckle underlining his words he sounds so fucking sincere it heats your skin. What would Tabby do if this was her and Joel? How would she graciously come back from this?

"Nothing." Your hands are tucked away in your back pockets and you smile at him. It's fake and empty, but it's the best you can do. "Do you need any-"

"I just thought-" You speak over each other again, which makes him laugh. But you look away from him. He feels an overwhelming need to explain himself. "I overheard you and Tabitha talking the other day."

"OhmyGod." Your hand comes up to cover your eyes in shame and he feels worse, rushing out an apology. "You didn't tell him, did you?"

Tommy changes his footing, a deep frown taking over his face. "Tell who?"

You're hugging yourself by this point, gesturing nervously at the man in front of you, ready to make a plea in your messy friend's name.

"Joel. You didn't tell him?"

His stomach sinks.

"You were talking about Joel?"

"Well, yeah." Now you're chewing on your fingernail, bugged-out eyes crashing him into reality. "Fuck, this is so- I don't know how much you heard but I didn't really mean it."

Tommy is three years younger than Joel, who you basically called a dusty sack of bones, so hearing your words must have put any consideration he had for you under the ground.

He's stuck furrowing his brow at the book.

"I really am sorry you heard that. But you won't tell him, right?"

"It's fine. Secret's safe with me."

He finally comes back to himself, shaking the book in his hand and leaving you in the improvised library. When the sound of the front door shutting hits your ears, you allow a guttural groan to leave your chest.

How did it get so much more embarrassing than it already was?

-----------

No, he doesn't tell Joel that the young woman he had a secret pining for was actually pining for his own brother.

But he watches both of you more closely when you leave for the day. You act pretty composed next to someone you wanted to do undignified things to. He shudders.

His annoyance quickly turns into comical tragedy, bitterly laughing at the whole thing.

It's just he really doesn't think Joel aged that well. Maybe for someone in their age range whose options were scarce in Jackson, but for a gorgeous woman like you, it was such a waste.

Then it dawns on him that, fuck, that's probably what you think of him. He laughs so loud it attracts the eyes of the people passing by him. You made him crazy.

He spends the rest of his day buried in construction work.

The thing is Joel's so...rugged. The man snarls more than he speaks. He is either in the woods, from where he comes back sweaty and dirty, or blending in with the furniture in the house with Ellie. Bless him, but he's unsalvageable.

Maybe that's it. You like the lonely, borderline non-verbal, oblivious ones. He can actually see it now. You were great hunting partners, quiet and objective, maybe that's all you want in a man.

He's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't hear one of the other men working by his side calling his name. "It's getting dark out. Aren't you going to trivia night? Shannon asked about you, you know."

There's a goofy smile on the man's face that he immediately writes off. He didn't talk about women like that before, he's not gonna start now. That's something his brother taught him. If you run your mouth about women, the less likely you are to get any. It worked wonders for him. But apparently, he's completely lost it.

"Right behind you, Earl."

He wasn't gonna go, but then, of course, trivia night is when you're usually behind the bar helping Julian. He was just gonna drink and watch.

He's surprised to see Joel is there, in a team with Tabitha and Ellie. You're right where he thought you'd be, hands on your hips as you listen to the man most likely complaining that you fucked up his crate system.

Before he can get a drink, Shannon and Earl pull him to their table.

An hour consisting of getting every answer wrong is more than polite enough, so he excuses himself to the bar.

"Hi!"

You greet him with such a beautiful wide grin that he instantly resents Joel. Is your good mood due to spending most of your day with his brother or the realization that he in fact did not spill your secret?

He asks for a drink so that he can linger around for a minute.

Your eyes are moving through the crates under the bar when the man next to you sighs.

"Right in front of the Rosé, which you shoved into the fucking pits of hell down there."

"I think, Julian, that if someone living through the end of the world orders a glass of Rosé it is your duty as a self-proclaimed expert to suggest they order anything else."

Tommy chuckles, seemingly happy to watch your incessant bickering as you make his drink, and you are happy to make it for him.

It's a relief to see he didn't get completely pushed away by the odd conversation you shared and, even better, he stuck to his word. Joel seemed none the wiser during your hunting trip. Of course, he doesn't seem like the kind of man who would betray your trust over something so trivial. You have to suppress a ridiculous dreamy sigh.

Still, you can't pretend you didn't stay up that night thinking about what he said. Not that it hadn't already crossed your mind that you weren't the most desirable woman in Jackson, but it stung to hear it said so clearly.

When you hand him the finished drink, you can feel your smile falter.

"Maybe you should go back, the next round is about to start."

Tommy glances behind his shoulder to the table where they didn't seem too bothered by his absence.

"Think they're doomed with or without me."

Your hands find the back pockets of your jeans and it reminds him of the tragic scene at your cabin.

"Shannon's smart. Went to a university and everything, didn't she?"

It comes out a lot more biting than you had intended and you have to physically resist the urge to cringe at your insecurity rearing its ugly head again.

He doesn't seem to pick up on it, instead timidly shaking his head and smiling behind his glass. "Yeah, think so, 'm not sure."

You don't know where else to look as he sips his drink, feeling the awkwardness of that previous moment returning.

"Your brother's team is doing well."

Pointing your chin to the score kept on a tiny chalkboard, they are indeed in second place.

"Mostly Ellie, I'd say." The burn of the alcohol washes down his throat and he can't resist the dig at his own blood. "I doubt Joel retained any academic knowledge, he could barely do it then."

A hand slides through his locks to hide the shiver jealousy causes in him. But you don't seem to care, snorting at his words.

"Oh, I'm sure. But Tabby's wits are unmatched, alright? Even if she is stupidly reckless at times." You give a quick glance around you to make sure Julian is out of earshot. "And I know she wouldn't pass up the opportunity to impress your brother."

Albeit at the expense of your best friend, it was kind of rewarding to have an inside joke with Tommy. Possibly bolder than you should risk being, you lean closer to him, supported by your forearms. Not bold enough to look him in the eyes this close yet.

"Thank you, by the way, for not selling her out. I told her she was out of her depth since Joel is so closed off - and I promise what I said was just to try and spook her out of it - but I guess she's not letting up."

Tommy follows your eye line to where his brother sits in between the young girl and your friend, who's not at all subtle about smiling and batting her lashes in Joel's direction.

Holy fuck.

"Wait a goddamn second."

His voice gets significantly rougher and his eyes narrow. You want to move back but you're frozen in place. His finger comes up, pointing between you and the other side of the room.

"You were talking about Joel. And Tabitha. Your friend is the one fantasizin' about my brother?"

You shush him, desperately clinging to his gesturing hand and pinning it to the counter.

"Why do you look so happy right now? Yes, we've been through this already!"

The way his smile grows three sizes makes you question his processing abilities but also if your friend might have a chance with the man.

"For fuck's sake, woman, I thought-" His eyes are quickly flicking between yours, and you feel him softly hold your hands. "I thought..."

It takes you a minute and then it comes crashing down. You sober up quickly, standing straight and letting your hands slip from his.

You take a deep breath, suddenly capable of maintaining eye contact.

"What did you think, Tommy?"

While his absurdly lovely eyes look up at you, Julian sneaks beside you with two bottles in hand.

"Can you put these in the freezer for me?"

"Sure."

You barely register the alcohol being shoved into your hands and swinging the door into the kitchen. The icy breeze of the freezer is what brings you back.

It's truly ridiculous that your legs are shaking this bad and puking in the trash can seems like a real threat right now.

So, yes, you're acting like a teenager. But is it your fault you haven't been this attracted to another human being since your school days? As far as you knew, you weren't even capable of these feelings anymore.

And isn't it equally horrible and wonderful that there's a chance he feels the same way? For you, of all people. You're lucky to even experience that past teenagehood, let alone well into an apocalypse.

When you return, chugging half of a beer, he's gone. You spot him back at Shannon and Earl's table.

You've never seen him more casual, back against the wall and big boot propped up on the spindle of the woman's chair, and yet you can pinpoint one vein in his neck that's pulsing like crazy.

At that moment, he catches you staring. Both of you quickly look away and you hand Julian the second beer you had grabbed, clinking the bottles in the name of a long night.

Tommy has to ask Shannon what time fucking trivia is scheduled to end. She says eleven. So he would probably have to wait until one, one-thirty for the Tipsy Bison to clear out. He could always make up a white lie - you were assigned to patrol in the morning or something. Anything to get you out of there.

While he waits, he has to endure conversations he can't be bothered to pay attention to, even entertaining his brother for a while. He truly hates himself for feeling vindicated, hiding his petty smile behind his fist while they talk.

To be fair, you didn't say anything about how you felt toward him. He just knew you weren't after his brother. But if the big hopeful eyes you gave him tonight - paired with the nervous way you acted in your library - mean anything it's that he isn't allowing room for any more misunderstandings.

Every five minutes or so he looks at the clock, legs bouncing in anticipation like he's a damn teen.

-----------

Julian and you make a good team, so by the time there's only a handful of people left at the bar, you have basically already finished cleaning the place.

He's entertaining the group of young men at his end while you set the last glass on the drying rack. With the corner of your eye, you can see Tommy - back in his glorious denim jacket - saying goodnight to Earl outside.

Your heart is very close to pumping out of your chest, and that familiar cold shock shoots up your spine, neck hair standing up. All at the prospect of this much older man waiting for you, for undisclosed reasons.

He walks back inside as you're drying your hands, unrelenting in his eye contact. Can he tell you're close to taking a chunk out of the inside of your cheek?

"Can I trouble ya for a last one, Julian?"

Tommy takes his seat at the opposite end of the bar. You have no choice but to stand there and pretend to wipe down dry surfaces.

A few minutes later, the young men are turning in and waving their goodbyes. Still four fingers left of beer in his bottle.

Your assigned co-worker stops next to you and leans almost all of his body weight against your side, his tattoed arm around your shoulder, yawning.

"Jules, you can go, I'm almost done. Plus..." Hopefully, his half-asleep state covers your audible anxiousness. "Tommy can help me lock things up."

His head turns back to look at the single man sitting at the bar, and for a moment you think he might be suspicious of something. But if there's something you like about Julian is that he's got a mean face and always sticks to his own business, no one else's.

"Thanks, kiddo." He lays a kiss on the top of your head and turns when he's halfway out the door. "I'm trusting you, Miller. What am I saying, you pretty much run this place, do whatever you want."

A nervous chuckle passes your lips but you can't help but cringe at the nickname. Julian is older than you, so 'kiddo' is perfectly appropriate. But he's a good ten years younger than Tommy.

There's an inevitable awkwardness when you turn around. He's already looking at you.

"What can I help ya with?"

You notice the change. He's not drunk, not completely sober, he's flirting.

"Maybe put these in the freezer while I clean those last few glasses?"

"Yes, ma'am."

He circles behind the bar - and like a coward, you immediately turn your back to him - and picks up the box with ease, disappearing into the kitchen.

Comfortable three minutes pass by as you finish putting everything in place and he returns to the bar with no more bottles to carry. He actually comes across as totally innocent when he looks up, waiting for another order from you.

Terrified to disappoint him, you point out the buckets of dirty ice, rag water and spilled alcohol. "Need to throw those out back."

Tommy promptly picks up both buckets and you know the reason for his giggling is because of the way you rushed to hold the door for him.

You open the back door so he can throw the water out in the snow, whispering an earnest 'careful' as he stamps down the two steps so sincerely his heart truly flutters.

He perches the empty buckets on two nails on the wall and turns back to you, who's leaning on the doorframe, one foot planted firmly on the last step and the other on the second.

The weak lamp outside shades his thighs - and most importantly, his nose - so perfectly that you have to stop yourself from whining.

"So you thought we were talking about Joel. But you only figured out it was for Tabitha tonight. Which means that for the past few days, you've been thinking I wanted to fuck your brother?"

Tommy can't suppress the chuckle that explodes out of him from honest shock at your crudeness, especially mixed with how ridiculously serious you look.

"To put it bluntly, yes." He speaks slowly, savoring the moment. "But, initially, I didn't even know it was Joel you two were talking about."

He delights in the way your whole expression shifts into genuine hesitation.

"Well, then-"

Your arms are crossed, brow adorably caved in as you look into the sky trying to figure it out on your own, as if he isn't right there with confessing eyes and a thirsty mouth.

"Can't tell you how hard it was to hear you thought I was a frail old man, sweetheart. But somethin' about 'rob him blind of his dignity' was promising."

Just as he hoped, he managed to catch the exact moment realization flashes across your beautiful eyes, lips leisurely pulling up into a grin. He comes close to losing it when you bite them to hide your embarrassment.

"I am surprised you're up this late." His turn to blush and look away from your teasing. "But frail is not what my thoughts call you."

"No?" Tommy purrs, licking his lips and coming up to the last step before you. You're still slightly above him, but he wouldn't have to stretch much. "So you're not put off by the age gap?"

He's on the brink of giving in but he needs to make sure you understand and are okay with this first.

Your eyes soften and then quickly sharpen again when you lean forward. "Put off? No. Curious? So bad."

Just that easy, your lips brush and Tommy closes the distance. A large hand envelops the side of your face, his thumb caressing up your cheekbone. Without much thought, you take a step back while grabbing a fistful of his collar, bringing him up with you.

A shiver runs down your spine when you can feel the switch in the height difference, Tommy now towering over you and pulling you flush to him by the back of your neck. His warm touch is enough to pull the first whimper from your lips.

Quickly, he disconnects your mouths and leans back on his heels, still cradling your face. As if his looks weren't enough, he smells woodsy, like vintage expensive furniture.

When the depression in between his brows doesn't give, you start feeling nervous again, realizing that you might've not thought this through. This is Joel's brother, Maria's second hand, the closest thing Ellie has to an uncle. It could end really badly for you.

A joke slips out before you can stop it. "Kinda hoped you would last longer than this."

He laughs, sliding his hand under your hair and bunching up the locks in his fist, short fingernails scratching your scalp. The way your sweet eyes flutter closed and delicate fingers cling to his jacket tightens the feeling in his stomach. How does he tell you that you almost feel too good to take? That the sound you made was the stuff of dreams and he's scared of what you can do to his reality.

It's insane that he spent all this time craving you, thinking about showing you what he could do, and now he's hesitant.

"Tommy," It's barely a whisper. "What's wrong?"

His heart breaks a little from the audible insecurity in your voice, despite how meekly you spoke.

"Just wanna make sure I don't ruin somethin' precious."

The laugh comes from your lips now, your eyes opening to invade his. "Fuck, I was counting on you doing just that. You have something to prove to me, old man."

As if you read his mind, that wanton admission was the exact switch Tommy needed flipping.

His fingers slide from your neck and curl around your wrist at the same time as he turns around to shut the door. When he turns back, he wastes no time forcefully pulling you to him.

Lips clashing, you whimper again when you feel his tongue pushing against yours. Tommy tastes like bitter whisky and cinnamon sticks.

With unapologetic hands around your ass, you're picked up without a struggle and set down on a cold steel surface. He's already doing so much better than you had experienced before.

"Tommy, your jacket." You whisper in between sinful sloppy kisses. His hands come up to try and help you with the buttons, but you quickly shove them away and redirect his touch to your thighs. "No, that's mine."

You were very serious about it, the commanding tone not helping the painful growing stiffness in his jeans. He has to hold back from humping the fucking table when your calves wrap around him.

The higher his hands travel up your legs, the hotter the need in your core grows, and the seam of your pants isn't going to help much when what you desire is probably a lot more girthy and satisfying.

When you slide the jacket down his arms, you take advantage of the moment to cup his bulge, and he immediately buckles. His hands fly to your waist and the squeeze is both painful and delicious.

"Fuck, angel-" He practically growls in your ear. If this was another one of his shower thoughts he wouldn't have bothered stalling, but he's dedicated to proving himself to you. "Do ya think you can hold on a little longer? I need to see my good girl's pretty tits."

Your halted movements don't go unnoticed by him, soothing hands back over your thighs. No one's ever been that filthy, needy and thoughtful with you before.

Doing your best to keep eye contact, you curl his fingers around the hem of your shirt and let him pull it over your head, revealing the strawberry-red bra.

You might actually kill him.

Before he can attach his lips to your chest, you push him back, gripping the remaining fabric on his upper body and rushedly pulling it off. His torso is taut and tanned, fine dark hair painting the muscles and highlighting his sturdy build. The sound of your scoff surprises him.

"Of course you look this good in your fifties. Seriously, Tommy?"

"I'm tellin' you, I'm a very active man, princess."

With that, he pulls you by the waist of your jeans, biting into your neck at last. As his teeth trail down to your breasts, his hands sneakily unbutton your jeans. If he did plan it he's fucking evil, because the same moment his lips attach to your left nipple, his hand slips under your panties.

Your gasp is loud, pulling on his pristine curls as revenge. His tongue swirls devotedly over your breast, fingers curling torturously slow inside.

"Holy fuck, Miller." Your nails scratch as low on his back as you can reach, feeling his muscles tense up. "We're wrong for doing this on top of the fucking table."

Maybe childishly, the thought of there being a 'we' between you and Tommy fucking around is enough to make your walls clench on his fingers, but then he circles your clit lazily and you have to bury your head on his neck to muffle your moan.

You can't help but grind down on his hands, brain completely fogged by your urgent need, and when you do you end up knocking your hips into him and he groans.

"Lift." He almost rips the jeans down your legs, taking your shoes off in record time. "That's far from the worst thing I'm gon' do to you, sweetheart."

All of these pet names are leading you down an irreversible path. But Tommy doesn't give you enough time to think about that, pulling your underwear to the side and getting on his knees.

Your hands are white-knuckling the edge of the table in anticipation, the shiny buckle of his belt drawing your attention first. Watching the youngest Miller lock his hands under your thighs and pull you as near as possible to his mouth, gently setting your bare feet on those same dirty jeans you had seen him wear all the time, was probably the closest you'd ever get to experiencing immersive art in this world.

Tommy hooks his index and middle finger under the cotton piece, yanking it as much as he can without actually ripping it, but you definitely hear a tear. Then his beautiful mustache is burning against your clit as he sucks on as much of you as his mouth can take.

When his tongue comes into play, you know it won't take much longer. Unlike him, you have nothing to prove, you're only here to enjoy yourself.

"Tommy, baby, please. I don't think I can-" It's a pathetic plea, more similar to a whine. "I'm-"

The knot deep below is on the verge of breaking when Tommy reinserts his fingers, arching them perfectly into the most important spot, and your hand desperately grips his curls.

Before you can scream, Tommy comes up and silences it with his own lips, tongue pushing your noise down your own throat. Your body shakes and he helps you ride his fingers with his free hand on your waist, your arms wrapped around his neck for support.

When he finally lets you breathe, noses bumping, you catch the obnoxious smirk on his face.

His hands soothe your back. "Did I hear that right, princess, you called me 'baby'?"

As if you weren't already in a dire state, he's decided to use it against you, while purposefully intensifying his maddening accent. Blanking completely for good answers, you swallow roughly. "I- I didn't mean to."

"Don't stop for me, I don't mind."

The sight of his long dimples when he grins pisses you off to the point of pulling him for a rough kiss with a plan, enjoying his incredulous laugh when you bite into his lip.

"Now, how the hell am I supposed to hide that, hm?"

"Not my problem."

For the first time tonight, you see his lovely dark eyes turn cloudy, tongue poking the wound you just gave him.

"Scared me for a sec, angel, thought I might not see that wild side of yours tonight. I'm not done with you yet."

He takes your mouth again, feeling rewardingly comfortable doing it, and snakes up to unclasp your bra. As soon as it falls, his hands are unashamedly grabby.

Despite how spent you feel, it's remarkably easy for him to pull more whimpers from you. Something about the way his touch just fits. When he locks your legs around him and picks you up again, your sore muscles feel grateful.

He only puts you down when you recognize the scratchy feeling of the back door against your shoulders.

You wait patiently and quietly, still catching your breath, as his calloused hard-working fingers take their time sliding your underwear down your legs and then shoving them in the back pocket of his jeans.

Without taking his eyes off your body, Tommy starts undoing his pants, buckle first. The sound of the metal sets your core on fire again and you subconsciously rub your thighs together. Of course he sees it, smiling with his eyes and holding your chin with his thumb.

"Good girl."

He lets you get away with an eye roll and a half-hearted huff, aware you're just a little embarrassed. After all, it's a sight he never imagined he would be privileged enough to see - your naked, worked body waiting to take more of him.

When he finally frees himself, you can hear your breath hitching, and he probably can too. Before you can stare at the sculptural veins for too long, your eyes close in humorous dejection. You're never gonna find another man like this.

Your salivating mouth doesn't go unnoticed by him, large palm raising your head again.

"Listen to me. I promised I'd show you what I can do, so we're not doing that tonight, alright?"

Picking apart his words, your eyes lift slowly, challenging. "Not tonight? Don't promise more than you got, Miller."

Expert hands extend and open your neck for his lips, as he spins you around and helps you lean against the door.

"One night ain't enough for everythin' I wanna do to you, princess." Your hair is swept over to your front, caring touch sliding down your back and guiding your hips back into him. You can feel his length grazing your swollen clit, inhaling sharply. "Now, just nod for me if my good, perfect girl is ready to take my cock."

Resting your forehead on the door, you take another deep breath and nod.

He slides all the way inside, completely stretching you out, and you have to bite your hand to keep from screaming, tears already pricking at your waterline.

"Is this okay?"

Your hand also muffles the whine you release at how shaky his voice comes out, dripping lust for you. When your lips detach from your blemished skin, you answer him.

"Shit, Tommy, you're perfect."

His forehead bumps your shoulder as he chuckles and you're trying really hard not to think about how cute that is. "I'm gon' move, yeah?"

Nodding seals your fate once more.

Tommy removes himself halfway, slowly putting himself back in, and the sticky noises live up to scenarios you only ever dreamed of. Pleasure like this existing was something you had completely lost hope in.

"Need you to keep talkin' to me, princess."

"Yes, Tommy, please just-" His left hand snakes around your waist and slides down your front to apply pressure to your clit. "Fucking move, please."

He can barely call what's left of your voice a whine, it's a needy little croak. And it drives him fucking crazy.

Pulling and pushing again, he starts with a slower pace, delighting in the constrained noises you let out with the smallest thrusts. What he's keeping from you is that he is simply setting you up to really start fucking you, framing your figure snugly against his strong thighs so that you can feel everything without having to make any effort. He was not bluffing about showing you how good he is.

Picking up his rhythm, he can hear you struggle to breathe a little.

"I don't wanna hurt you, sweetheart."

You have the nerve to laugh.

"Getting my expectations dangerously high."

Just like that, Tommy thrusts into you so hard you slip from your elbows to your hands, almost crushed against the door. The sadist in him really enjoys your first full moan.

"You want it rough, baby?"

Honestly, your throbbing clit could answer for you. "Yes, I do. Fuck me as hard as you can, Tommy."

With nothing holding him back, he pushes himself into you until his balls are clapping against your ass, and then plain rails you.

His strokes are so massively powerful you're pushed to your tiptoes, body completely wrapped by him, feeling the tip sliding inside and hitting your cervix over and over.

You're rendered speechless, uncontrollable moans not even registering to your ears muffled by the absurd sound of flesh hitting flesh and your own juices being fucked into you, coating his cock.

"God, you're so fucking good, ángel." He's whimpering in between short breaths, movements never faltering, and you can feel his belly caving in and out against your back. "Perfect fucking pussy, ya lo sabia."

You grab onto his arm, nails digging into his skin, and he knows you're close. So he slows down again, cock fucking up into you, while the pressure he had on your clit becomes a rubbing.

"Tommy-"

You can't manage more than that right now.

"I know, I know, you can finish, baby. It's okay." Walls clenched around him, your body shudders a couple of times, nails leaving marks on his arm. "That's it, my good girl."

It's only when you're done squirming and your grip on him loosens that he picks up the pace again. Almost instantly, you're whimpering and blabbering complete nonsense.

He's so close, but he doesn't want to stop until he has proven to you that not only he can make you come, he can overstimulate you until you're mewling.

It doesn't take long and you're scratching up his skin once more, this time orgasming with his name ringing out from your throat repeatedly. Then he stops.

The act of trying to pull out after he stopped, your walls letting go, is so excruciating that he ends up thrusting again and you whine in exhaustion. He laughs against your neck.

"That's your fault."

You're so used up you actually mutter I'm sorry.

He takes mercy on his pretty baby and removes himself completely, not wasting any time before catching your slumping body and turning you around. His hand keeps a careful pace around his painfully pulsing cock until your eyes open.

You watch him tug on himself, one arm extended to the door, large biceps flexing while white fluid spurts from the head. He tries to look at you for as long as he can, but his eyebrows almost knot together and his eyes screw shut, groans breaking through gritted teeth.

He looks gorgeous when he finishes, weight leaning on you as he tries to recover, moaning and panting deliciously into your ear.

Your hands are running up and down his back soothingly when he steps back, pulling your legs around his waist and picking you up. You could spend eternity embraced with him, but he sets you back on the floor next to your discarded clothes.

Once you're both dressed, turning off the lights, you lock the back door and he waits in comfortable silence. He's in his denim jacket and worn boots, blushing nose and visible breath in the snow, same as always but also prettier than ever.

Before you can return to reality and say goodnight, Tommy grabs your hand and leads you all the way to his cabin without uttering a word.

He helps you into the shower and you pick some snowflakes off his hair and mustache.

When you're in his bed, changed into one of his flannels, he speaks.

"It doesn't have to happen again if you don't want to."

You scoff. "What are you, the Mary Poppins of fucking? Finding miserable women and thrusting happiness back into their lives, then leaving?"

He laughs at your terrible offhanded joke. "I'm not goin' anywhere."

"Good, I don't want you to."

Tommy sees your big hopeful eyes again and doesn't fight the urge to cradle your face and kiss you, long and sweet.

"You know all I learned is that I should call you old more often, right?"

He pecks you again, laughing into your lips and grabbing your ass so he can pull you flush to him.

"Such a smart girl."

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