#setting the scene guys this oneshot is nothing but ANGST | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

testingthewatersss · 4 months

Text

Panic Trigger warnings for PTSD and torture, wintersolider flashbacks etc.(&bad russain) Bucky Barnes x F Reader (ft. Steve Rodgers) Oneshot 3550 words Angst, comfort. 18+ MDNI The first time a Code White is called is also the last.

The siren that has been splitting the air in the tower is quieter, here. In the common room, with the thick white carpets and furniture to muffle the sound.

Steve is frantic. He’s frozen in position, breathing shallow as his brain fights to come up with any way to respond to the situation he’s facing.

He’s facing Bucky.

Bucky, who, until 2 minutes ago had been doing just fine.

But now he’s not fine, now he’s hysterical.

FRIDAY had set off the code white alarms, helpfully alerting the other residents that something wasn’t right, and all Steve had been able to do is back pace, horror in his eyes as he’d watched the infamous Winter Solider curl up into a ball on the floor.

“Lets cut that noise”

Y/N’s instruction has an instant effect. The shrill ringing is gone as quickly as it’d started.

The door locks behind her with a dull click, and now she’s pacing towards the scene.

Unlike Steve, she doesn’t look afraid at all.

If anything, she looks curious.

“Hey boys” she greets mildly, coming up on Steve’s flank, “What’s goin’ on in here?”

“We” Steve gulps, trying to gather himself, “We were just talking and then…”

“And then?”

He blinks at her prompting, mouth suddenly dry.

“He started freakin' out- speakin' Russain” he explains, looking urgently at the man on the floor, “and then- I- I don’t know what happened, he just—“

Y/N tilts her head.

“He didn’t collapse or anything” he says, “He just—“

“Sat down on the ground?”

He’s hardly sitting, but he doesn’t know think there’d be another way of explaining the situation without making him feel sick.

He nods, and so does she.

She looks understanding, now, rather than curious.

“Hey, Buck” she calls, taking a slow step towards him, “You doin' okay?”

He doesn’t respond. He doesn’t look at her. He just stays still, burying his face in his knees, arms looped protectively across his brow.

“Y/N” Steve cautions, “I don’t know if he can hear us”

“Sure he can” she replies, almost with humour, “even if what your thinkin’ is right— which I don’t think it is, by the way — Do you think he magically goes deaf?”

He blinks at her dumbly, brain working overtime.

That does sound a little ridiculous, but he’s not an expert on the effects of brain washing, so he decides to forgive himself for that, at least.

“You said he started speaking Russian” Y/N says, “That’s why you called a code white?”

Steve nods, guilt stirring inside of his chest.

Was I wrong? he thinks, did I make this worse?

“Lets try this, then” she says, taking a smaller step closer, “Baki, chto sluchilos’?”

The russian words pour easily from her lips. Steve blinks again, thinking about how strangely soft she’s managed to make them sound. He’s always thought the language was harsh, but her voice is gentle, even now.

Bucky seems to notice her question this time. Although he doesn’t move as much as he flinches in response to her words.

“What were you talking about?” She asks suddenly, head snapping back to Steve, “Before he swapped languages.”

His brow furrows, arms over his chest as he thinks back.

“I…” he says, “I’m not sure exactly… nothing serious, I mean, just— stuff”

“Stuff?”

“Yeah” he agrees, “Childhood stuff, yeah- Yeah that was it— He asked me if I remembered something, a store where he used to work on Tuesdays— and then we were talkin’ about the guy who owned it, and about how he used to go crazy at us for trailin’ mud into the front of the shop…”

“Right” she presses, “and then?”

“And then” Steve sighs, frustrated, “Uh, I said—“

He stops. Realising exactly what he’d said.

Y/N raises her brow, urging him to continue;

“I said” he gulps, looking suddenly ashamed, “I said “I guess we were lucky that he didn’t take us outside and beat us” for half the stuff we did”

Yeah, she thinks, That’d do it.

Steve opens his mouth to apologise, but she cuts him off,

“What did he say in Russian, do you remember?”

“No” he says quickly, remorse making him dizzy, “No, I— I didn’t really get it, it was so fast, he was just, mumbling and backing away and then…”

She nods, understanding.

“Darlin', I-”

“It’s fine” she says, closing the last few steps between her and where Barnes is still hiding on the floor.

It’s not fine. Steve knows it’s not, but he doesn’t know what else to say.

“I think he said insvinte?” he offers, desperate to be helpful, to right this wrong somehow, “Or something close-”

“Izvinite” she corrects quietly, dropping to a crouch.

Her tone is soft again, and Steve can’t help but wince a heavy ball of dread hits him square in the chest.

It must mean something, then. It wasn’t just incoherent rambling,

“What does it mean?” he hears himself ask, not really wanting to know.

“Sorry” she answers, voice barely audible, “It means I’m sorry”

“Jesus christ” he mumbles, backing away towards the arm of the couch. He leans on it, not trusting his legs to hold him up as he paws at his face in despair.

Y/N reaches out carefully, letting her fingers run over the folded metal plates of Bucky’s arm, before they finally reach his hair. It’s damp by his temples. His whole body is shaking so quickly it’s almost invisible.

“Tebe ne nuzhno izvinyat'sya, dorogaya…” she whispers soothingly “…ne togda, kogda ty ne sdelal nichego plokhogo.”

You don’t have to be sorry, Sweetheart… not when you haven’t done anything wrong.

The back of his shoulders jump with a concealed sob.

He’s terrified, plain and simple and the idea of him being so scared, being so, hopelessly afraid and then being hit by a terrible, loud siren is almost too much for her to bare.

No wonder he’s trying to hide.

No wonder he’s making himself as small as possible in the furthest corner of the room.

“Hey” she soothes, hoping that he’ll respond to English now she’s touching him, “You’re okay…look at me… it’s just me, it’s okay…”

Steve watches, horror stricken as Bucky slowly edges his face up from behind the wall he’s made with his body.

His chin stays hidden behind his forearm, but his eyes are red and streaming.

Y/N shakes her head, hushing him as he starts to choke on air, suddenly feel obscenely exposed;

It’s clear from his expression that he’s too far gone. That scared doesn’t cover it anymore. She’s not fully confident that hysteria covers it, anymore.

His panicked gaze drops to the floor, and she watches as he chokes on a breath that seems to hurt him. Her head shakes, and she lets her hand fall away for a beat as she considers what might be best to say;

“Soldat” she murmurs, knowing he’ll take notice of that, “Glaza na moi”

…Solider…. eyes on me…

That does the trick.

The way his gaze snaps to hers is automatic. It’s instinctual and instant.

“Khoroshiy mal'chik” she soothes, knowing he needs her to be kind more than anything else, right now, “You’ve gotta slow your breathing down— In and out, with me now, okay?”

He blinks at the gentle Russian praise, and then he shivers.

Y/N doesn’t like using his conditioned submissive to her advantage. Not when she can help it, but he needs to stop dragging in aching bursts of air, he needs to calm down-

“In…” she instructs, “…and, out…”

He obeys instantly. Matching the rise and fall of his chest with hers even though he’s having to fight through every fibre of his body to do so.

His discomfort is obvious. She can see that he’s only following her commands because they’re commands. That it’s not a natural way for him to be breathing right now. That it’s hurting him to fight his reflexes so plainly.

“…Deep…” she whispers, trying to soften her voice again, “…Deeper, now, Soldier, and slow, you’re okay- you’re safe, right now, everything’s alright.”

Something flickers across his eyes as tears spill down his cheeks, again. Y/N tilts her head and moves her hands around to cup his jaw. He’s still half hidden, but she knows he won’t fight the contact. She smiles as she wipes her fingers across his face, and nods encouragingly as he changes his inhalation’s to match her new instructions.

Steve is watching from his perch across the room, fighting the urge to cry himself. This is torture, he thinks, though he feels guilty for the thought the second he has it. He hasn’t been tortured— He has, though and that’s why he’s curled up in a corner while Steve gets to watch. He hates the way he’s daring to feel badly. He hates this whole situation

“Can you tell me your name?”

Y/N’s voice snaps him out of his bout of self-deprecation.

He’s watching, desperately hoping for a reassuring response, for some sign that he’d been wrong after all—

“Hmmm?” she presses gently, “Teper' tvoye imya, dorogaya.”

Tell me your name now, sweetheart.

This time, her voice seems to confuse him. He draws in another wet breath before nodding a fraction.

“J-James Bu-channon B-Barnes”

She beams at him and watches his face relax a fraction when she doesn’t have an issue with his answer.

“And what’s my name?” she asks after a pause, “Teper' my govorim po-angliyski, soldat”

We’re speaking english now, Solider.

This time, he looks more nervous.

“Y/N?” he whispers uncertainly.

“Right” she agrees instantly, “Good”

That seems to settle him a fraction.

He inhales deeper, and doesn’t seem to suffer quite as much on the exhale.

“You’re safe” she promises next, swiping another set of tears away from his cheeks, “…Nothin’ bad’s coming…”

He looks at her for the first time since she’d arrived in the room, he really looks at her face, and she sees something behind his gaze give way.

“-I— I di-didn’t m-me-mean t—to d-do an-anythin— wrong” he stammers, frantically trying to tell her, “I- I’m s-sorry— I- I didn’t- I- I c-c-can't—”

“Shhhhhh” she soothes, shaking her head before leaning in to press a kiss against his brow, “We’re breathing right now” she says, smoothing his hair back, “That’s all you need to think about”

It’s a bit of a low blow, really, cutting him off like that, but she knows he’s too far gone to have a rational discussion about everything else right now. A panic attack worsened by the addition of an alarm which she’d wager had been just a touch too familiar is a whole lot of trauma to fight through at once.

He needs to focus. He needs to breathe. And she knows him well enough he won’t disobey something as close to a command as her words. Not given the circumstances.

She’s right. Just like before, his body takes over.

He reverts to mimicking her exaggerated breathing pattern and letting his eyes loose focus.

This time, she doesn’t interrupt him straight away. Not even to praise him. She just watches silently as he forces his chest to rise and fall in a mechanical rhythm that she’d curated to deliberately ease his most primal responses.

Steve paws at his eyes, pressing back his own tears now.

This is all my fault, he thinks, the reality of the situation hitting him now, There was no code white, he was just scared and I made things ten times worse—

Y/N just sits with him for a few more minutes, waiting until she notices him starting to shiver, before she reaches out to stroke his cheek again.

“Good” she whispers, affection heavy in her voice now, “That’s better, huh?”

“I-I’m t-t-trying” he stammers weakly.

“I know” she agrees, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his brow, “I know, Bucky, I know you’re doin’ good…”

He nods a fraction and that’s how she knows that he’s ready to take back control. To at least start deciding what he wants to do, again.

“Want some water?” she offers, beaming proudly when he shakes his head, “No? Okay… What do you want, huh?”

“C-can… C-can I… Can I- have… have a h-hug pl-please?”

“A hug?” she checks, “Sure… Sure you can, c’mere—”

And then, her arms are open, and Bucky feels himself moving, rocking onto his knees so that he can to cling onto her waist.

This is all he wants. He just wants to hide his face against her neck, and hold onto her and—

“Sweetheart” she murmurs, “You’re okay, it’s all okay, I promise…”

And then, he’s back to sobbing.

His adrenaline is crashing, and he feels dizzy and sick and he’s crying like a baby in her arms.

None of this feels right. He doesn’t understand how he’s ended up on the floor in the corner of the room. It’s all a blur of panic, and loud, shrill noises that always mean terrible things are coming and— and he remembers feeling useless, of not being able to be understood—

“We're sp-speaking English, now” he sniffs, “W-we’re sep-peaking, English now, I- I’m sorry I- c-couldn’t before.”

Steve’s heart breaks in his chest when he hears that. When he hears his best friend weeping and earnestly trying to convince them that he knows he’s meant to be speaking the same language as they are.

“…Shhhhh, now…” Y/N soothes, “…It’s okay… you can’t help it, it’s not your fault…”

“I- I t-tried” he bleats, upset making his Brooklyn drawl stronger somehow, “Doll, I— I tried b-but my head…”

“I know…” she promises, “…It’s alright, sweetheart— I’m sorry— I’m sorry ‘bout all that noise…”

He clings to her so tightly that her t-shirt tears under his metal thumb.

The memory of the skull splitting siren making his whole world spin for a moment;

“We won’t do that again” she promises, “I’ll get Tony to figure somethin’ out— even if there ever is a need for somethin’ like that, we can’t have it be so loud…”

“—I’ll be good-” he promises pathetically, “I- I s-swear, I— I- Please, I- I c-cant t-take that n-noise, again…”

That’s more than Steve can process. He pushes up and leaves the room in silence, hoping that the route back to his suit is deserted. He doesn’t think he can handle a run in with anyone. Not with how full his own eyes are now.

Y/N barely notices his departure. She’s too busy hushing the cowering man in her arms. Because he is cowering in her arms now. He’s shaking like a wounded stray, chest heaving with sobs.

He’s too big to hide against her, really, but some how he’s managing.

His entire face is angled downwards, obscured from view as he presses his brow into her shoulder.

All she can do is hold him. Hold him, and murmur out gentle streams of praise until he finally starts to settle down.

Until his body caves in and he drifts off into something that could almost pass for sleep.

Y/N thinks it might’ve been more convincing if his hands hadn’t stayed furled in the fabric of her top.

“C’mon, handsome” she sighs, “If you wanna’ try and get some rest we should get you a little more comfy”

She watches curiously as Bucky edges his face up, slowly revealing wide, blue eyes that look awfully sore.

His cheeks are red, and damp, and she can’t help but lean in and press a kiss against his chin starts to quiver.

“We’ll stay here” she promises him quietly, “We’ll stay right here, okay? but you can lie down—”

“W-wi-with you, right?”

Her chest aches as looks into his eyes and nods.

As she sees how terrified he still is.

“Yeah, Buck… we can lie down together, would you like that?”

He offers her a jerky little nod before sniffling sadly and averting his gaze.

She nods, too and starts to adjust her position, carefully rearranging their bodies so that she is the one curled up, with Bucky against her flank. He keeps both arms locked around her waist, and lets out a sad series of gulps as he fights the urge to tuck his legs into his chest.

It’s hard. He wants to protect himself, to bring his knees tight into his front, but he also wants to be held. To let Y/N protect him, while he really, really needs her too.

“Shhhh” she soothes, eager to ease the quiet little whimpers that are suddenly vibrating against her jaw, “Baby boy, you’re alright…”

Bucky is nuzzling into her throat, nose bumping against her temple in his not so subtle bid to earn more attention from her.

“What do you want, huh?” she asks, tone playful as she lets one hand thread through his hair, “You’re precious”

He lets his eyes close as he presses kiss against her cheek, and then another against her chin, and jaw, and the tender skin behind her ear…

“…Some fussin’?…” she guesses, stroking a line across the back of his ribs, “…We can do that… C’mere…”

She shifts again, rolling over a little more so that she can tuck him neatly between her legs. Her thighs box him in, and he folds instantly into the embrace, letting out a soft, hollow, sound of appreciation as his cheek meets her chest.

“You’re alright” she soothes, starting to stroke his back, “I know that scared you, but you’re okay… I promise”

He just clings to her tighter, screwing his eyes shut.

It did scare him. The sound, the not being able to speak English, the look on his oldest friends face—

“Hey” she inserts, feeling his back heave, “Hey, I’m here, I’m right here…”

“…He— H-e was mad…”

“He?” she asks, “You mean Steve?”

He nods, nose brushing her jaw.

“Baby, why would you think that?”

“..I…” he gulps, “..I couldn’t sp-speak english and th-then he… he started that noise..”

Her heart cracks down the middle as she puts it all together. As she pieces together the way it must’ve felt to him.

“Oh, Bucky” she whispers, “Bucky, no— It wasn’t like that”

“Will- W-will you tell him I’m sorry, d-doll?”

“No- Not when you haven’t done anythin’ to him that warrants an apology.”

He doesn’t reply to that. She assumes he stopped listening after the no.

“…Baby…” she murmurs, trying to soothe him, “…Steve isn’t angry, it wasn’t a punishment, it was the security system, that’s all…”

“It… it sounded like… it sounded like w-what t-they…”

“—I know” she cuts in, “I know it did, I’m sorry— We won’t do that again.”

This time, she doesn’t want to break the silence he settles into. It doesn’t feel as upset as the last time.

Her fingers roll across his temple, stroking his hair as he works at calming himself down. At letting his body adjust to the sudden lack of adrenaline;

and then, he’s sleeping.

His whole body is a deadweight, chest rising and falling in a natural rhythm that betrays how vulnerable he is.

Y/N feels herself relaxing too. He’s too warm and soft for her to stay tense, besides, the only thing she was trying to guard is him, and he’s not going anywhere.

That’s when she lets her mind drift back to Steve.

To her friend who’d fled the scene in horror whilst she’d been unable to comfort him.

She sighs, looking at her sleeping lover with sheer adoration. She’s glad he’s sleeping, because her own remorse is more than enough for her to deal with;

“What do we do about that, huh, Buck?”

Y/N knows he can’t answer. He does seem to smile in response to her voice though. She thinks that it’s probably a trick of the light, but, the idea of being able to make him feel better regardless of his consciousness is nice, so she doesn’t over think it.

“Baby” she whispers, “Shall I call him? Tell him to come back up, see that you’re okay?”

This time, he stirs.

He nuzzles into her, letting out a sigh.

“I’m taking that as a yes—“ she decides, knowing that she has to do something, “—Friday, get Steve up here please.”

The AI replies with a polite ‘Yes, boss’ and Y/N settles back against the wall, trying to arrange their bodies into a position that looks a little less intimate without rousing her partner.

It’s easy enough. Bucky is pliant, and all he really wants is to stay close. She realises pretty quickly that as long as he’s able to keep his arms around her, he goes along with the adjustment.

She strokes his hair to soothe him once she’s satisfied.

His face is hidden against her stomach. His legs are tucked into his own chest, again, but it seems a lot less sad now.

And then, she hears footsteps.

She looks up with a smile that almost falters when she sees the expression on Steve’s face.

He’s clearly been crying. His nose is red, cheeks blotchy, and his eyes look terribly sore.

“Come sit, you’re as bad as him” For a second it looks like he's going to fight her on it, but then, with a sigh and a bashful smile, he nods. Pacing silently towards Y/N before settling himself beside her on the ground, not bothering to speak deciding to just put his arm around her shoulders instead.

Masterlist

130 notes · View notes

sanderchu · 2 years

Note

i fell in love with the tommy x famous actors daughter!reader, and i love the anons idea with the reader being chris hemsworths daughter, can you write a oneshot about it? maybe fluff or angst?

Once in a lifetime

Note: this is like an angst fluff, this is about how tommy finally gets to see reader not for the first time but for the first time in a while because there dad travels a bunch for movies and shows. But your only there for a day since your dad just needs to do a quick scene here so tommy feels down

Type: slight angst, fluff

Side note: once again I don’t have a celeb in mind so that’s for you to decide and I got to into this so this is a bunch-

Reader: Fem!reader

You and Tommy sorta have an online relationship since your dad is a famous actor. He does travel though and you do tend to come with him sometimes. So today you texted tommy all happy.

Y/n: TOM TOM TOM

T: YES?!

Y/n: IM GOING TO BE IN BRIGHTON :D bad news though, only for a day because of my dads job

T: YAY THATS OK ILL MAKE IT THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE >:D ILY

Y/n: ILYT ILL TEXT YOU WHEN IM HERE

tommy couldn’t be any happier to hear he can finally see you after so long. He made sure to wear a decent set of clothing since he knew you would be with your dad so a casual button up and some jeans were fine. He waited and waited for your text until he finally got it. You said how you were finally here and sent him the address of where you wanted to meet up as your dad went to do his filming. Tommy immediately started running there since it wasn’t far and he wanted to be a gentleman to be there early.

Soon enough he saw a car pull up with you coming out of it. You waved to your dad as your dad waved to you then tommy. Panicked, tommy still managed to pull off a decent smile and wave. Your dad drove off telling you to call or text when you wanted to get picked up or if anything. Without waiting any longer tommy hugged you so tight catching you off guard but that was ok, you missed him as much as he missed you.

Without wanting to waste more time you both talked as you walked. He decided to surprise you and take you to your favorite cafe you loved when you first came here. He spoiled you letting you buy whatever your heart desired since it’s so rare he can do this. After a bit you guys went to go see some attractions in the area making sure you took loads of videos and pictures.

After some of that you went to Tommy’s house and cuddled with him for a bit. You and him are both into this show so tend to watch it on discord calls together but now that your in person you tried to watch as much as possible. But that fun didn’t last forever, a bit in during an episode your dad called saying he needed your location because it was time to go. Time flew by so fast when you looked it was almost 11 pm. You sadly listened and sent him the address of Tommy’s apartment.

When you told Tommy the news he was sad to have you go to and kinda cried a bit knowing he won’t be able to do all the things he did with you for a even longer time. You apologized at it but he declined it stating that it’s not your fault nor your dads it’s just his job and that’s totally fine. When the car came you and Tommy were already outside waiting. You dad rolled down the window and greeted you both with a slight sad smile knowing how much you love Tommy he was kinda sad to take you away again. “Take this to remember me whenever and I’ll come back in no time” you handed him a box as you kissed his lips one last time for now. Long but sweet nothing to special but definitely a sad kiss.

When you and your dad drove off tommy immediately opened the box before he felt to sad to open it. Inside was half of a heart on a necklace. That’s when you sent him a picture of the other half with no context just that. He immediately putting it on having tears of joy and sadness come out of him as he walked back into his apartment and laid on the couch as he played with the necklace

A/n: i got to into this 😭 buttt- plot twist: your dad thought it would be nice if you stood with Tommy for 6 months as he moved around to film since he had a bunch of traveling and thought you needed more time with Tommy and because he thought it would be nice for you to relax and no go with him everywhere.

#dsmp x reader #dsmp imagine #dsmp scenario #mcyt imagine #dsmp #mcyt #mcyt x reader #scenario #tommyinnit #tommyinnit x reader #tommy x reader

68 notes · View notes

self-shipping-selfcare · 1 year

Text

✿.⋆Welcome My Beloveds to Selfshipping Selfcare~♡

❀.⋆Requests Are Closed~♡

▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞

Love Like You (End Credits)

Steven Universe

0:49 ▬▬▬▬▬✪▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 2:24

▕◄ ▮▮ ►▏

♪I always thought I might be bad

Now I’m sure that it’s true

‘Cause I think you’re so good

And I’m nothing like you♪

♪Look at you go

I just adore you

I wish that I knew

What makes you think I’m so special♪

《↬.•.•✿•.•.↫》

✎.⋆About This Blog⋆.➳

This is my main writing blog where I write fanfics (both requested and self indulgent) and post about selfshipping, f/os, and x reader stuff!

My DMs and inbox are almost always completely open for you to send a request (or chat but I’d suggest chatting on my main blog which I’ll tag in a bit :3)

Though, if requests are closed I’ll keep my inbox and DMs open just in case someone wants to chat or ask about something but if requests are closed, please wait until they’re open again to send a request :)

Here I write Character x Reader oneshots and headcanons and sometimes Character/My Ocs x My Self Insert/Ocs (and maybe even My Ocs x Reader if anyone likes them enough)

❥.⋆↜Masterlist↝⋆.★

❥.⋆↜My Ocs↝⋆.★

✎.⋆About Me⋆.➳

I go by Amber and Jonas and I’d really appreciate it if you used both names for me! I identify as genderfluid and a trans man; male, female, and nonbinary; and my pronouns are He/They/She. I’d really appreciate it if you mix up my pronouns/gendered terms when referring to me (ex: “Where are they, I saw them a while ago? Actually, I think he might be in his room. She’s always on her computer writing something.” or “He’s in here, but they’re too busy on her computer writing something.”) but if you must refer to me with one set of pronouns, I prefer they/them or he/him rather than just she/her

This is a side blog, my main blog is @selfshipping-shapeshifter where I chat with mutuals and gush about my f/os!

I have a few other writing blogs:

@gt-cafe where I write Giant/tiny oneshots (both original works and fanfics)

@letters-from-your-fo where I write letters (typically but not limited to love letters) from your f/o to you

@your-yandere-darling where I write exclusively yandere oneshots and headcanons (with fictional characters, my ocs, and/or just a yandere character type)

@fnaf-edits where my friend and I post exclusively Fnaf (he does edits, matchups, and kin assignments and I write oneshots and headcanons)

✎.⋆I Will Write⋆.➳

Fluff

Angst

Suggestive scenes

Romantic oneshots/headcanons

Platonic oneshots/headcanons

Polyamorous relationships

Character x Reader

Character x My Oc

My Oc x Reader

My Oc x My Oc

Character x My Self Insert

My Oc x My Self Insert

And maybe more

✎.⋆I Won’t Write⋆.➳

Character x Character (sometimes, ignoring polyamory)

Smut (I can write suggestive scenes but I can’t write full-on smut)

YouTubers/Celebrities x Reader

Taboo topics such as Insest and pedophilia and more

Some of the weird fetishes

✎.⋆Fandoms I Write For⋆.➳

A Monster in Paris

Beastars

Bendy and the Ink Machine/Bendy and the Dark Revival

Call of Duty Zombies (Primis and Ultimis Richtofen only please)

Cuphead

Danganronpa

Detroit: Become Human

Doki Doki Literature Club

Five Nights at Freddy's

Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss

Homegrown Pet

Portal 2

Puss in Boots The Last Wish

Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs

Skyrim

Super Mario Bros Movie (Bowser only please)

Team Fortress 2

The Bad Guys

The Great Mouse Detective

Undertale/Deltarune

Villainous

And maybe more I can't remember at the moment (please don’t hesitate to ask me if there’s a certain fandom I’ll write for, because I believe I write for more than this but I can’t remember all my fandoms)

✎.⋆Other Rules You Should Know⋆.➳

If you’re requesting something from Call of Duty Zombies, I’m still learning the lore and everything and I only write Richtofen as of now

For Danganronpa, I’ll write for the games only. I haven’t seen the anime yet, reason why I can’t write for it. I’ll also write for any character except Celeste and anyone from the anime and Ultra Despair Girls. My favorite characters to write for are Teruteru and Hifumi

For the Super Mario Bros Movie, I’ll only write for Bowser for right now

For Villainous, I haven’t seen the show yet but I have seen the shorts so I won’t write for anyone from the show only yet

I have the right to reject a request for whatever reason (I think I can’t write it, it’s not a fandom I’m in, I’ve already written something too similar to it, I’m uncomfortable with it, etc) and I might either answer your ask politely rejecting your request or I just delete the ask

If I'm obsessed with a certain fandom I'll be more focused on writing for it but I don’t mind if you request something from a different fandom (though I prefer if you request something from the fandom(s) that I’m currently obsessed with)

I’m a lazy procrastinator who fears I won’t be good at interpreting the characters well. It might take a while for me to finish your request because I either procrastinated, didn’t know how to write the character you requested, or both. Another reason why I wouldn't finish a request quickly is because I had a lack of motivation and/or inspiration which has been happening a lot recently, so if your request takes longer from that then I sincerely apologize

Please be specific when requesting something, if you aren't specific I'll assume you're fine with something random. And for polyamorous relationships, please specify the relationship (ex: Is Character A and Character B dating each other and the reader or are they simply friends who are both dating the reader?)

Crossovers are welcome here, the only rule is it has to be in my list of fandoms. You can still ask me if I know a certain TV Show/movie/video game/book/anime. If you request anything anime, chances are I don’t know it since I haven’t seen a lot of anime. I want to watch more, though (at some point)

Please be respectful and I hope you enjoy your time here!

I have a Wattpad account and I’d appreciate it if you checked it out and gave me a follow! (Mayhaps read some of my stories? )

《↬.•.•✿•.•.↫》

✾.⋆I’ll Be Here Whenever You Need Me~♡

▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞

#amber's pinned post #amber's important posts #f/o community #self shipping community #x gender neutral reader #x male reader

8 notes · View notes

cheesy09 · 3 years

Text

Scorching Night

This oneshot was based off of Kiro’s Stardust Date, and takes place right after it (Because the angst in that date was immaculate 😩)

I know it's been a while since I've written anything, so I sincerely thank you guys for sticking around (´꒳`)♡

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy!

Pairing: Kiro x MC (third person POV) Word Count: 2,800 Genres: Romance, Angst (a lot of it T^T) Warnings: Super suggestive!

"The reward I want more right now... is you."

His soft words echoed in the back of her head, along with the memory of his scorching lips. The wrapping of an insatiable tongue around her own, the taste of him intoxicatingly sweet; so much so, that she wanted to drown in him.

She knows she shouldn't think about it too much, but that scene was engraved in her mind. Playing on repeat, over and over; like a broken record.

The burning touch, his breathless whispers, and the half-lidded gaze that carried a mixture of light and shadow in its unfathomable depths...

She blushed at the thoughts running through her head. Especially since the subject of said 'thoughts' was now seated right next to her in the back of the car, their shoulders only mere inches apart. She could feel his warmth, even though they weren't touching, making the tiny space all the more suffocating.

Ever since they left the concert venue, Kiro hadn't said a thing. Nor did she, for that matter. If Savin was here he would have frowned once he noticed the odd silence between them, but he wasn’t, which she was grateful for because she didn't know how she would have reacted. And even worse, how she would've faced Kiro.

After all, she couldn't stop thinking of him; the way he kissed her, his lips burning against her own...

Or the way he called her name after that, his voice dyed in the colors of a fire; warm and passionate.

By no way was that their first kiss. Not by a long shot. But the urgency of his lips on hers had left her dizzy and short of breath.

She thought back to those warm, sultry nights—nights just like this one—when hands wandered a little too far, and makeouts got a little too intense. Moments when that velvety voice of his—his whispers and soft sighs—were hers and hers alone. The memories sent a shiver down her spine and she forced herself to stop thinking, lest she sailed into even more treacherous waters.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes.

Kiro was looking out the window, a hand tucked under his chin, seemingly lost in thought. The passing street lights cast a faint glow on his features, illuminating his intense and solemn eyes.

She couldn't tell what it was that he was thinking about, but he suddenly moved and let out a faint breath, running a hand through his hair, his long fingers raking through the silky blonde strands and exposing his clean forehead.

Then his hand slid down, following the slender curve of his neck to his chest, and he undid a button of his shirt. He let out another light sigh and fell back against the car seat, his expression carrying a hint of tiredness and frustration.

Seeing that, she frowned, and couldn't help asking "Is something wrong?"

Not expecting the question, Kiro's eyes shot in her direction. His blue irises darkened slightly, and then unhurriedly looked away as he instinctively slid his hand into his hair again, his posture languid and a tad bit sexy.

"Nothing, it's just..." his tongue—one that had been wonderfully exploring her mouth just a few hours ago—flitted out, and slowly wetted his bottom lip. "...really hot."

His voice was low, sitting on the edge of something. But his words seemed to have an added layer to them, hot and heavy, as if they were heated up by the burning tip of his tongue. She felt her heart rate speed up, and her face burn, the sizzling tension between them so thick, it was almost overwhelming.

"Yeah," she replied, shyly tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear, her voice so soft even she could barely hear it. "It is."

She shifted her sight then to look out the window, but she could feel Kiro's smoldering gaze on her, searing into her skin, which just made her cheeks grow redder.

She didn't know why, but ever since his declaration of love a few days ago, Kiro had been acting a bit differently than usual. His body language became more and more solemn with each passing day, and even those unwavering eyes of his got a tad bit brighter.

Like he had made up his mind about something.

What it was, she didn’t know. But what she did know was that whatever it was, it made her uneasy.

“Promise me, alright? Don’t forget me even if I leave.”

The words he had spoken then sounded grim and final, laced with so much yearning it took her breath away.

Her heart ached. The Kiro she had been holding then had felt like mist. Like he could have evaporated the second she took her eyes off him. Distant and vulnerable. Lonely. And the fact that he was leaving the country tomorrow for a photoshoot made her even more anxious.

"Penny for your thoughts?" A tender voice rang out close, intimate. She turned.

She didn't know when, but Kiro had moved closer to her, approaching her with those brilliant azure orbs, closing the distance between them. His body heat radiated off of him in warm currents, sucking out the very air from the atmosphere until all she could breath and touch was him. He smelled of fresh pine and musk, invading her senses, making her ears buzz and her tongue fuzzy.

Just like the way he barged into her life, she thought. With his dazzling smiles and warm hugs, occupying ever nook and corner with his existence, stealing her mind, body and soul.

By God, she loved him. She loved him more than life itself.

She didn't know if she had been aware that their driver wasn't watching or if she just didn't care, but she leaned up and pecked him on the corner of his mouth, lacing their fingers together in the dark empty space between their bodies, as if filling a void.

She felt possessed, her desire to get closer to him emboldening her to press further into him, breathing in his scent and burying her face in the crook of his neck. "Mmm... you smell really nice," she sighed wistfully.

She felt Kiro stiffen under her, and his grip on their interlaced fingers instantly tightened. She could almost the picture the turbulence in his eyes when he said "God, you are making this so much harder."

Kiro's breath was ragged and his voice dark and guttural, carrying with it something unspoken that made her heart thud and a fire stir in the pit of her stomach. She raised her head to look into his eyes and felt her breath catch at the storm that was brewing within them. They flickered down to her parted lips, and she suddenly felt hot all over.

"We’ve arrived, sir," a voice called from the front and they both instinctively pulled back, the spell broken.

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

The walk to the front door of his house had been a silent one, neither of them knowing what to say. Her mind was in a frenzy, and her heart was doing no better. All of her thoughts seemed to center around only one person.

"Just so you know," Kiro's voice broke through her thoughts, now back to its usual chipper, as he opened the door to his house. "I didn't really have time to clean up, so my place is in a bit of a mess. Don't say I didn't warn you."

She laughed, slightly relaxing under the usual, familiar atmosphere.

Kiro was a mystery in that sense. On one hand he could leave her all hot and bothered, desperately wanting his hands on her. And on the other hand, he could make her laugh and be free. "No worries. It's not like I'm any better."

"Oh, yeah! I still remember those dozens of magazines of me on your bed-"

"Kiro!" She whined, red with embarrassment. "I thought you said you would forget about that!"

"I made no promises," he replied, with feigned solemnness.

They walked into the house, their laughter ringing, and as soon as the lights turned on, she spotted the packed suitcases and travel bags in the living room, coldly reminding her of the fact that Kiro was still supposed to leave the very next morning.

She was used to it—constantly having to separate from him. Their jobs had required that of them. They would text and video call each other every day to fill in that void.

But for some reason, today was different.

Her chest felt tight, and she took in a shaky breath.

"I see you're all set for tomorrow," she remarked as Kiro discarded his jacket onto the sofa, leaving himself in only a black shirt and dark jeans. She had to stop herself from letting her eyes rove over the exposed skin of his well-defined collarbones, and instead, looked towards the side, her hands clenched into fists, teeth sinking into her bottom lip.

Stop getting tempted, she chided herself.

Kiro gazed at the baggage and laughed, almost imperceptibly. “Yeah. My flight’s at ten in the morning, so I had to pack early.” Saying that, he walked towards her, his familiar body temperature approaching her again.

His eyes were like blue flames, torching her soul, fanning the flames that never stopped burning. She swallowed, rapidly turning towards the door. Her voice sounded a little flustered. “Then I’ll take your leave. You should go and rest up for tomorrow.”

She was almost there, only an inch away, but before she could even touch the door handle, a scorching hand wrapped around her waist and her back was instantly pulled up against a firm chest.

She felt his breath before she heard him speak.

“Where do you think you’re going, Miss Chips?” he whispered, his voice shaded with sensuality. Dark and hungry. “You need to finish what you started.”

“What’re you talking about?” She sighed, automatically leaning back into his touch, her heart racing a mile a minute. “You’re the one who kissed me first.”

“Maybe,” he murmured. “But you’re the one who kept the fire going.”

His hand reached up above her and before she knew it, the lights were switched off.

“Kiro, you—”

“Stay.” His hot lips pressed against her ear and a shiver ran down her spine. “Please stay.”

Kiro’s arms had completely encircled her at that point, and she was distracted by the movement of his lips over her skin as they travelled from her neck, down to her bare shoulder. She couldn’t help but sigh blissfully in his arms.

“You may have to look for me next time.”

Suddenly, his words from earlier came crashing into her mind, like an unexpected boulder, snapping her back to reality. The unease was back, like a snake coiling around her heart, and she opened her eyes in a daze.

“Kiro....” Even in her own ears, she could hear the longing that filled that whisper. That drunkenness from before came over her again and she hooked a hand around his neck, softly caressing his nape.

Kiro purred at her touch, and she turned her head to the side, her lips brushing his cheek in the process. “Don’t go,” she pleaded.

He froze for a second, body almost rigid, and silent... But then sighed the very next instant, spinning her around and pinning her up against a wall. She didn’t even have time to think before she felt his mouth latching onto hers.

The temperature instantly spiked up, and she felt her body ignite against him. Their lips moved in sync, expressing something that couldn't be put to words.

Pain, reluctance, longing, desire.

She didn't know why, but the way he kissed her made her heart ache.

Her hands were on the front of his shirt and she stroked the skin of his collarbones and chest, eliciting a soft groan out of him as he shivered. Kiro was lean, and firm; beautifully sculpted under her palms, and she felt her fingers travelling down, undoing the remaining buttons of his shirt.

"Miss Chips...." Kiro sighed against her mouth, and hooked his arms under her legs, prompting her to wrap them around his waist. He put his lips over her eyes, nose, chin and throat, his kisses like silk, melting into her skin. She gasped when she felt him suck on the sensitive spot of her neck.

"Mmm... Kiro, c-can we go to the bedroom first?" she whispered, her legs itching to pull him closer. His black shirt was now creased and disheveled, slipping past his shoulders, the dark material offering a beautiful contrast to his white skin under the pale moonlight.

He was gorgeous. So incredibly, undeniably gorgeous.

Her love, her light.

What would she ever do without him?

Kiro slowly pulled away from her neck, leaned up and kissed her again, softly this time, but still enough to steal away her breath again. It was tender and affectionate, but belied a passion that was on the verge of loosing control.

It made her heart skip a beat.

He laughed breathlessly against her lips, and his voice was hoarse when he spoke.

"Your wish is my command, my Miss Chips."

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

Ten seconds. That’s how long it took them to get to the bedroom.

It was like a secret shared in the darkness. One that was littered with kisses and soft sighs. Charming and intoxicating, just like him.

As soon as she locked the door of his room behind them, his hand latched onto the back of her head, and he drew her into that sweet vortex once again.

Their bodies pressed together with urgency and their hungry mouths moved, as if trying to rob each other of breath. His unbuttoned shirt had left his chest exposed to her, and she trailed her fingers over his skin in a slow, sensuous drag, making him gasp into her mouth and press into her even harder.

As if in retaliation, his tongue slipped in between her lips and she moaned with pleasure at the sensation. She knew it. He was driving her nuts.

And yet, despite all of this, those daunting fears and anxiety over his departure never seemed to dissipate.

They tugged at her nerves, as if taunting her, causing her to kiss him harder, pull him closer.

The two had reached the edge of the bed by then, and she pushed him to sit down, straddling him in the process.

Kiro's eyes were half-lidded and dilated, a look of complete intoxication casted over his beautiful features. Golden hair framed his face and his cheeks were flushed under her fingertips. Looking at his perfectly messy appearance, a small bit of pride bloomed in her chest. She hoped she made him at least half as crazy as he made her.

She felt tears burn in the corner of her eyes.

Who was she kidding? She'd never be able to let go.

"Miss Chips?" She heard Kiro call when he felt her grip tighten over his shirt. She had been oddly quiet the past few seconds and he was starting to get worried. "Is something wrong?"

She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Don't leave," she whispered urgently.

She dropped another kiss on the side of his nose, caressing his cheeks. "Please don't."

One on the corner of his lips. She could hear the crack in her voice and the moisture gathered over her eyelashes was enough to tell her she was about to cry. "Don’t go somewhere where my hands can't reach you."

"M-miss Chips," Kiro pleaded, his whisper breathy and soft, his eyes barely open in the face of her intensity. They were so close, just a few centimeters apart, and their hot breaths entangled in the space between them.

"Even if it's a lie, tell me you won't leave me," she said, desperation clouding her mind. Her lips ran over the shell of his ear, trying to place feverish kisses over every inch of him.

She tried not to look at his expression. To see the pain and sadness that flashed in those deep sea blue eyes. Because if she did, she would break.

Kiro paused for a moment. A brief instance of hesitation. The only sounds were their rapid and heavy breathing.

"I won't."

His voice was low, barely even there. But hearing his words, her heart finally grew somewhat at ease. She finally closed the gap between them then, kissing him square on the mouth. Slowly, deeply.

She'd worry about the rest of those unfinished words in the morning. But for tonight, they had each other, and that was enough.

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

Thank you so much for reading! For more of my works, please refer to my masterlist (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

#mlqc #mlqc fanfiction #mlqc kiro #kiro fanfiction #mlqc fanfic #kiro fanfic #oof that was one angsty end wasn't it?#NOW EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO DIG MYSELF A HOLE AND HIDE THERE

69 notes · View notes

bnhasimpgirltm · 4 years

Text

Why Is It That You Only Ever Hurt Me? (Part 2)

Parings: Bakugo x Reader (Past), Yo Shindo x Reader (Present)

Warnings: none

Type: Oneshot

Genre: angst? (this hurt my heart to write)

A/N: I had to use Yo Shindo for this because Bakugo DESPISES this guy. It might have been a bit much to do the entire song, but I didn’t want to remove anything because I really like how well this songs fits. I just didn’t write this very well, and it feels a little repetitive, but I think that’s what adds to it. Let me know what you think, and as always, Enjoy!

Song: “Heavy”- Linkin Park ft. Kiiara (2017)

note: the last lyric line “If I just let go I’ll be set free” was added by me so I could tie the story together nicely. It isn’t actually sung at the end in the song. I cried while writing this oh crap.

Read Part 1 HERE

-----------------------------------

I don't like my mind right now

Ever since you broke up with him, Bakugo had been miserable. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t function. The only thing he could do was train. He had lost you and he couldn’t get you back.

Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary

He still loved you, and you didn’t love him back anymore. One sided love creates all sorts of problems. So many problems piled up.

Wish that I could slow things down

He wishes that he could take back what he said. He wishes that he didn’t speak so impulsively, that he slowed down and though about his words before they left his mouth. But he couldn’t turn back the clock, so the only thing he could do was let go.

I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic

He wanted to let you go, but he couldn’t. He wanted to hold onto you for as long as possible, and every waking moment that he wasn’t training, Bakugo as looking through your social media.

And I drive myself crazy

You had removed all of the pictures of the two of you together after the break up. He missed seeing his tag on your photos. He missed being able to retrace your entire relationship just from your social media page. He missed you.

Thinking everything's about me

Bakugo still had all of the pictures with you on his pages. He knew that if he archived them it meant that you were really gone forever. He didn’t want to think that it was all over, even if deep down he knew the truth. He wanted to hold onto these last threads of your broken relationship. Bakugo knew he had to let go, so he tapped on one of his posts with you in it.

Yeah, I drive myself crazy

He knew you were gone, but he couldn’t do it. Bakugo couldn’t wipe you from his life, so he exited Instagram and opened messages. His finger hovered over your name. He wanted to text you and tell you how much he missed you, how much he loves you.

'Cause I can't escape the gravity

He couldnt escape you. Everywhere he went he saw you. Even if you weren’t really there, to him, every place you went together had a small piece of you.

I'm holding on

When he saw you for real the first time after the breakup, he thought it was his imagination running wild again. That was until you looked at him. Imaginary you never did that. Bakugo knew that it was really you. He thought that you had finally given up running from him, and that maybe he could move on because you had too.

Why is everything so heavy?

But he couldn’t, because when he saw you, his heart ached so much that it felt like it was physically hurting. It felt like a weight heavier than anything he had ever lifted was placed on his back. He knew that he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t set himself free just yet.

Holding on

He couldn’t let you go. It had been months since the breakup, and he still couldn’t let you go. He still held onto the hope that you still loved him as much as he still loved you.

So much more than I can carry

He wanted to go and apologize to you, to take the weight off of his back, to end it for real. To tell you that he was sorry for everything, and that he wouldn’t bother you anymore.

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

But he couldn’t. Bakugo couldn’t bring himself to go and talk to you. Not after everything he did. So he let the weight sit on his back.

If I just let go, I'd be set free

Everytime he saw you, he considered finishing it for real, to tell you that he was sorry and move on. He could be set free from his guilt.

Holding on

But he didn’t want to. He was going crazy, trying to keep this nonexistent relationship alive, but Bakugo didn’t care that he was being insane. He just needed something to care about, because the only thing that he truly cared about was gone. So if the only thing Bakugo cared about was this pretend relationship he still had going with you, so be it.

Why is everything so heavy?

When you saw Bakugo, you felt your heart fall. He still made you feel this way, even after all this time. Even after you told yourself that you had moved on.

You say that I'm paranoid

Everywhere you went, you saw him. His blonde hair poking up between the people in the crowds. His black tanktop passing by on the trains. Every time you saw him somewhere, you felt haunted by a ghost. A ghost from your past that you couldn’t let go.

But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me

You hated that you couldn’t face him. You were too scared of what he would say to you. You were too scared that he would say that he had moved on.

It's not like I make the choice

But you were more scared of what you would say to him. Because if he moved on, then that meant that you would have to move on.

To let my mind stay so fucking messy

So you pushed your emotions back like you always did and continued to live your life with thoughts of Bakugo constantly ravaging your mind.

I know I'm not the center of the universe

You didn’t mean anything to him, he made that clear, but he was the center of your universe. He was your everything.

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

You knew he didn’t love you, but deep down, you still loved him. You knew it would take a long time to move on, so you started dating again. Hoping you could move on and find someone else to love. And you did, you found someone else.

I know I'm not the center of the universe

Bakugo knew that he didn’t mean anything to you, you made that clear by avoiding him for months.

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

Bakugo knew you didn’t love him, but he still loved you. So he kept himself away from the dating scene.

I'm holding on

Bakugo told himself multiple times that he wasn’t dating because he ddin’t have time, but in reality, he still held onto the hope that you would want him back.

Why is everything so heavy?

Until he saw that Ketsubutsu guy, Yo Shindo, walk into the common room. He wondered what that idiot was doing at UA, until he saw you smile and walk towards him. Then it clicked.

Holding on

Shindo grabbed you in a hug, and threw a dirty look over your shoulder straight at Bakugo. The worst part was that you jumped into his arms willingly.

So much more than I can carry

He wanted to say that he was okay with it. He wanted to just roll his eyes and walk away.

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

But he couldn’t lie to himself, he was jealous. Not just jealous, Bakugo was enraged that you were hanging out with that Shindo guy. He was enraged that he had been replaced.

If I just let go, I'd be set free

So instead of going back to his dorm, he followed you and Shindo.

Holding on

Bakugo watched as Shindo did everything he didn’t. Shindo held your hand and talked with you. He kissed your cheek and laughed when you said something funny. He bought you lunch and gave you a flower.

Why is everything so heavy? I know I'm not the center of the universe

He saw the way you looked at Shindo. Like he was the center of your universe.

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

It was the way you used to look at Bakugo.

I know I'm not the center of the universe

He watched as Shindo looked at you the same way. The way Bakugo looked at you. The way Bakugo still looked at you.

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

He knew that he wasn’t the center of your universe anymore, but for some reason, he still couldn’t let go, no matter how much he tried.

And I drive myself crazy

He hated himself so much for losing the best thing that ever happened to him. He hated himself for screwing up everything good in his life.

Thinking everything's about me

He hated that he couldn’t get over himself just to keep you with him. He hated that the weight of your breakup was still tied to his back and that it wasn’t getting any lighter after seeing that you had moved on.

Holding on

Years passed, and Bakugo never got into another relationship.

Why is everything so heavy?

He was still dragging around the weight on his back. It never got lighter. Not when he immersed himself in his hero work, or when he saw you and Shindo on the news together as the hero couple that everyone loved.

Holding on

Bakugo felt like he was being crushed, but he continued on with his life. Until one day, he got a letter in the mail. “You are invited to the wedding of Yo Shindo and (y/n) (l/n).” It was at this moment that the weight became too heavy. It crushed him, and Bakugo Katsuki, the pro hero Ground Zero who feared nothing, broke down into sobs.

So much more than I can carry

His entire world shattered that day. It should have been his name with yours on that invite. It should have been him who you were marrying. Bakugo was so overcome with sadness that he did the only thing that he could when he was sad. He masked it as anger. Why the hell would you invite him to your wedding? Was this some sort of joke?

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

Bakugo was angry, but he still loved you even after all this time, so he went to your wedding, and he watched as you walked down the aisle to marry a man that wasn’t him.

If I just let go, I'd be set free

He watched as you and Shindo looked into each others eyes with so much love that he regretted his decion to attend the wedding. Bakugo regretted not tearing the invite in half and shoving it into the recycle bin.

Holding on

He listened as you recited your vows and said “I do”. He listened as he heard the priest say “Any objections?”, and Bakugo wanted to stand up and proclaim his love for you. He wanted to stand up and tell you that you belonged with him. To take you back and love you just as much as you loved him back at UA.

Why is everything so heavy?

But the he remembered what you said to him all those years ago. He remembered: “Were you always this selfish?”, and Bakugo made his decision. For once in his life, it wasn’t selfish. He owed it to you. Maybe the selfish part of him wanted you to be with him, but the part of him that still loved you and wanted the best for you was telling him to let you be happy, so he stayed silent.

Why is everything so heavy?

As Shindo swept you into a kiss, it was all crystal clear to Bakugo. He would never get over you. He would carry the weight of your breakup for the rest of his life. Maybe the weight would get lighter, and maybe it would only get heavier, but it would always be there.

Why is everything so heavy?

Bakugo finally realized that you had moved on from him. You had Shindo. You didn’t need him anymore.

If I just let go I’ll be set free.

You had finally let go. You were finally free.

625 notes · View notes

dr-imagines-modfuyuhiko · 3 years

Note

hello again, mod fuyu !! and a nice to meet you to mod peko, sorry to be so late with my welcome !! could i rq a oneshot where the (GN!)reader breaks up with rantaro because they're afraid that he will leave them first and they don't want to get hurt again ? preferably ending with taro comforting them ? (loosely based off 31 - "You haven't lost me.", 34 - "Please don't do this.", and 40 - "I wasn't lying when I said that I loved you." from the fluff/angst prompt list) tysm in advance !! <3

Rantaro x GN!reader

who breaks up with him so he doesn’t leave them first

Hi!!! It’s so nice to meet you and thank you for the warm welcome!

I’m more than happy to fill out this request, enjoy!! There’s two endings because I didn’t really know whether to go for angsty or fluff, so have both!!

Category: Fluff/Angst imagine

Specifics: GN!reader, reader has no Ultimate but is called the Ultimate Heartbreaker • Prompt 31 - “You haven’t lost me.” • Prompt 34 - “Please don’t do this.” • Prompt 40 - “I wasn’t lying when you said I loved you.”

Warnings: Just..... sad :(

The Ultimate Heartbreaker.

Despite having no real talent to call your own, that’s what you had been jokingly referred to as by friends, family, even strangers you had never met in person.

Not always in a friendly way.

They said you left scores of broken hearts in your wake, that you toyed with innocent people and simply dumped them when you got bored with your playthings.

It seemed the whole world saw you as nothing more than a stone cold heartless sadist.

Any person who fell for you was destined to also fall into despair.

But that was fine.

It was fine, ideal for you. Let everyone think that way about you.

You were fine with putting up walls, fine with sealing your heart away deep inside your chest for no one to ever touch it again. Fine with entering superficial relationships to fulfill the basic human need for companionship.

Not after them.

Love made you weak. Love left you vulnerable. Love broke you.

They broke you.

You gave them your heart. They threw it to the ground and shattered it into millions of pieces, then disappeared without a trace.

It felt like the end of everything.

But you slowly picked up the shards and put your heart back together, swearing you’d never let yourself be hurt like that ever again.

And then you had been caught up in a killing game of all things.

The universe really had it out for you, huh?

But in a way, the killing game was one of the best things that could have happened to you, as unbelievable as that sounded.

Because you met him.

Rantaro Amami, one of the Ultimates trapped in the game just like you. He couldn’t remember his Ultimate talent, but didn’t let that damper his spirits. An enigma, the only person who had an inkling of what was really going on behind the scenes.

He wasn’t a bad guy, he promised everyone. Rantaro was one of the only ones to not show much worry or shock about the situation. He supported Kaede’s beliefs and believed cooperation was key, yet claimed that he would end this Killing Game himself.

Was that what made you develop feelings for the green haired man?

Or was it his gentle manners, his good looks, or how sweetly he painted your nails along with Kaede? Could it be all that and more?

You weren’t sure anymore. Even in your bleak imprisonment, Rantaro was your light, your saving grace. He promised you that once he ended the killing game, you and him would be able to go back into the world and you wouldn’t be confined in the academy walls. You believed him. It was a casual relationship between the two of you, acknowledging the schoolgirl crush you had on him and Rantaro brushing off your “Ultimate title”.

Your relationship with Rantaro motivated you to have faith that you’d make it out of this nightmare. No one would have to die and you’d all escape together. You were happy with him.

But then in the greenhouse, he pulled you close with a blush coating his cheeks.

Then he told you he was head over heels in love with you.

And in that moment...you told him you loved him too.

He beamed, his smile nearly blinding you as he hugged you tight, whispering in your ear how he was so happy, that no matter what happened he’d keep you safe.

You listened but his words didn’t fully reach your ear. Fear creeped in. You tried to ignore it, to soak in this precious moment, but you couldn’t.

Just when you thought you had your feelings under control, they had burst forward, so fast they had slipped from your iron hold and rushed towards the man who had set them free.

It was gratifying. It was dangerous.

—————

“I think we should break up.”

You had called Rantaro to the greenhouse after everyone separated from the dining room. You told him that you two needed to talk. Ironic that this was the very spot you two had professed your love and would now be the place you dashed that love.

“Is everything ok? Did something happen?” he had asked, a concerned frown on his face as he gently took your hand in his.

Always so considerate. Always so caring. That’s what made it so hard seeing the crestfallen expression on his face.

“Wh...what? Break up? Is...is this a joke, Y/N?”

You didn’t answer, you retracted your hand from his and looked to the ground.

“It’s not… I think we should break up, Rantaro.”

“Can I at least know why you think that?”

You could feel the tears rushing to your eyes. Don’t cry. For fuck’s sake, don’t cry-

“...Why do you think? It was fun while it lasted, but I'm bored now. Besides, I might not even last that long before someone decides they have it out for me. It’s a killing game, remember? Why would I want to be tied down to someone who doesn’t even remember their own talent? You’re useless in the long run.”

The bile rose in your throat. These words felt so wrong coming from your mouth, but they wouldn’t stop. You had to stay strong, had to lie to not break down in front of him. You kept up the cruel smirk on your lips and tried your best to

“What more do you expect from someone like me-”

“Stop. This isn’t you. Stop lying to me, Y/N. You’re not that kind of person.”

“...” You gave a breathy chuckle, “You always could see right through me, huh?”

“Why are you really doing this? I need you to be honest with me.”

“Because...because this has all happened to me before. I told someone I loved them, gave them my heart and you know what they did? Threw it into the fucking trash. They left and you will too. Or worse, you’ll stab me in the back and leave me out to bleed. Literally.”

“Y/N, I would never do that to-”

“And how do I know that?! It’s a killing game for fuck’s sake, Rantaro. No one should be trusted, not even you or me.”

“That isn’t true,” A dead serious look on his face as he stepped closer to you. “You’re just saying that because you’re trying to find a reason to make this easier.”

“Of course I am!! I don’t want to love you, but I do!! I love you so fucking much, that I can’t stand the thought of you leaving!!”

“Then why-”

“Because I can’t go through that pain again. I won’t be able to handle it...it’ll kill me Rantaro, please. I can’t lose someone again-”

“You haven’t lost me,” He tried to embrace you but you stepped back, your arms wrapped tightly around your trembling form. He got the message and continued to try and reassure you, “I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you, Y/N.”

“...I wasn’t either.”

“Then, please...don't do this.” Looking into his eyes, you saw a glimmer of hope in them. “I’ll protect you. I won’t leave. We’ll escape together, I promise you. I love you so much. So please…”

G•d, you wanted to run into his arms. To hold him close and never let him go. He wouldn’t let you go, would he? He wouldn’t leave you, would he? He’d keep his promises.

Didn’t you deserve to be happy?

Ending 1

But then their face flashed before your eyes. The same honey coated words they gave you. The same empty promises.

And in that moment...

“I’m sorry...but I just can’t.”

“Y/N-”

You ran, tears rushing down your face, Rantaro’s desperate cries as he shouted your name over and over until it had faded away in the distance.

They were right about you after all. You really were the Ultimate Heartbreaker. And you had never hated that name more than now.

Ending 2

“Ok… I believe you.”

You practically tackled him in a bone crushing hug. Yet he reciprocated the same amount of force. Rantaro pressed his lips to the crown of your head, quietly cooing as the tears flowed.

“Thank you. I mean every word. I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

#danganronpa imagines #danganronpa #drv3 imagines #drv3 #rantaro x reader #rantaro amami x reader #rantaro amami #danganronpa rantaro #rantaro danganronpa

70 notes · View notes

the-peak-of-despair · 4 years

Text

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu x Blackend!Reader

I NO LONGER HAVE ACCESS TO THE ORIGINAL ASK!

anon asked: Hello! I really like your guys page! I was wondering if I could get some HC’s for a Fuyuhiko x reader? Say they are in a trial and they find out his S/O is the culprit? Angst angst angst? If not that’s fine but it’d make my day if you guys did it thank you

Boy howdy I do sure love me some angst, I loved this request ALOT so I wrote a full oneshot! Have fun crying! -Mod Akane

There wasn’t any denying it.

You had killed Hiyoko Saionji.

Of course, you’d never planned to kill Hiyoko! Sure, she was kinda mean.. but you never wanted to kill anyone. But after Peko’s trial, she was saying all these mean things about Peko, and Fuyuhiko, and it just kept building up…

and you killed her.

You were just listening to her ramble to herself about how horrible Fuyuhiko was and that Peko was useless, and you couldn’t stop yourself from just… picking up a nearby pipe and bashing her head in.

You panicked, obviously, when you realized what you had done. You automatically threw the pipe into the ocean and picked up her body, deciding to set her back down in her cottage under the veil of night, using the key she stashed in her kimono.

It was another two days before anyone realized.. And then the trial had begun.

-----------

Fuyuhiko couldn’t entirely wrap his head around this case. It was borderline insane, Hiyoko had been dead for three whole days before anyone found her. He didn’t like the girl too much, but still, that was awful. He looked up at (Y/N), who had been twiddling her thumbs silently basically the entire trial.

That struck Fuyuhiko as odd. Usually she did her best to contribute whenever she could during the trial. She didn’t wanna die as much as everyone else. Yet still… silent as ever.

“Hiyoko had her key on her, right? Could the killer have just taken the key out of her pocket to set her in her cottage?” Kazuichi suggests. Hajime hums in response as (Y/N)’s eyes dart over to Kazuichi.

“That’s most certainly a possibility..” Hajime mutters. “But why do all that?”

“Maybe it was so we wouldn’t look where they actually committed the crime.” Fuyuhiko suggests casually. There wasn’t really much else to guess…

“Actually..” Kazuichi starts, scratching the back of his neck and looking away from the rest of the group, “I might know where it took place…”

“Please tell us immediately!” Sonia pipes in, leaning against her podium with her hands, as if she was leaning herself towards Kazuichi.

“Y-Yes, Miss Sonia!” Kazuichi seems startled as he begins blushing. “Well, a day or two ago I was in Electric Avenue, on the third island.. And I saw a bloodstain, just in the middle of the ground. Nothing else was around, so I just assumed someone got hurt or something and moved on.. But it was a lot of blood.”

“Well, why’d you wait so long to tell us?” Akane asks.

“I-I just forgot!”

“Regardless, if you found it only a day or two ago, by that time the killer must’ve already cleaned up any other evidence.” Nagito sighs. “What a shame, I-”

“Don’t even start.” Fuyuhiko glares at Nagito. For just one trial, it’d be nice if he shut the fuck up.

“Ah, okay.” Nagito says, and that’s the end of that.

“But if they cleaned up the crime scene, why would they leave the bloodstain..?” Hajime asks.

Fuyuhiko honestly didn’t have any better answer than anyone else could come up with. He was suspicious of Kazuichi, since he was generally the only person who went to Electric Ave, but that wouldn’t help much to just accuse him out of nowhere. Lives were on the line, it didn’t offer any help to jump the gun and accuse people out of the blue.

“How about we go over the case from the start and see if we find any more clues?” Chiaki suggests.

“What good is it if we still don’t know the murder weapon?” Akane suggests.

“M-Maybe.. The killer threw the pipe away or hid it, or something?” (Y/N) adds. “Y’know, to like, throw off the trial..”

“A pipe..?” Sonia questions.

Her eyes widened, realizing her mistake. “W-Well, I mean, the Monokuma file says her head was bashed in, a-and if she was killed in Electric Ave. like Kazuichi s-suggested, t-then it’d probably be a p-pipe lying around there!”

“I-It w-would match t-then w-wound on her h-head..” Mikan mutters quietly.

“Okay, so, say the killer whacks Hiyoko in the head at Electric Ave, right?” Chiaki starts. “And when they killed her they disposed of the pipe somewhere and dragged Hiyoko home, leaving her in her cottage until we found her three days later. What motive would they have…?”

“Maybe they didn’t mean to kill her…” (Y/N) mutters.

“What makes you say that?” Hajime asks.

“W-Well, none of us had any grudges or anything against her, right? Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing, like last time..” She trails off and Fuyuhiko winces at the mention of the incident of the last trial.

“That could be basically anyone on the third island three days ago..” Sonia mutters.

“Wait, wouldn’t that be breaking the rules? I mean if they disposed of it somewhere on the island, it could be a violation of the rules, and..” Akane trails off.

“Nope! The blackened threw the pipe into the ocean, technically not part of the land environment on these islands!” Monokuma interrupts.

“Pipe?” Hajime asks, glancing between (Y/N) and Monokuma. There’s no way…

“Whoops, did I say that out loud?” Monokuma nervously laughs before sinking out of the conversation. Fuyuhiko locked eyes with you..

There’s no way those are the eyes of a murderer. He knew you. He loved you, he knew.. You wouldn’t do something as reckless as killing Hiyoko..

..right?

“So it seems this trial is about to come to a close..!” Nagito mutters. Oh dear god. He turns towards (Y/N). “Well, it seems you’ve dug your own grave, (Y/N)..”

“Hey, leave her the fuck alone!” Fuyuhiko stops him as (Y/N)’s eyes widen in fear. “There’s no way she’s the killer!”

“Then how would she know about the pipe, Fuyuhiko?” Hajime adds. “The evidence is starting to pile against her.”

“You don't know shit! There’s no way (Y/N) would’ve done it!” Fuyuhiko argues, slamming his hands against his podium.

“Why don’t we ask the girl in question?” Nagito suggests, and the eyes of the surviving students all fell on (Y/N), petrified with fear.

Her podium was directly across from Fuyuhiko’s. It was almost default for him to be looking dead at her. But the fear in her eyes.. Fuyuhiko almost couldn’t look. He hated seeing her like this. If he had any less self restraint, he’d probably run to her side and hold her close. But knowing his luck, he’d bust his stomach open or something stupid in the process.

“I-I didn’t kill her..” (Y/N) stutters, the emotion and fear of being framed building up and pouring out in the form of tears and sobs that made Fuyuhiko- and most of their classmates- wince. “It wasn’t me! Y-You’ve gotta believe me! Hajime, please..! Tell them they’re wrong!”

Hajime looks away from her. “I’m sorry, but…”

“You’re really just gonna stand there and look away?!” Fuyuhiko yells. “For fuck’s sake, she’s crying! All your evidence is circumstantial and probability!”

“Then if she can present an alibi for the day Hiyoko was killed-” Hajime calmly argues.

“She was with me, damnit!” Fuyuhiko lies. He lies, almost on reflex, to find anything that would get them off her trail. There was no way she was the killer.

“I mean, you could’ve worked as accomplices.. Or if you did it..” Kazuichi starts to trail off, scratching the back of his neck once again. “I-I’m just suggesting!”

“Why in the fuck would I kill her?! I didn’t even know she was dead until we found her today, just like the rest of you assholes!” Fuyuhiko argues. “I would’ve had no reason to kill her, and I’ve never even been in Electric Ave!”

“One of you two did it, you’re the only suspects!” Akane argues. Fuyuhiko growls under his breath, pissed off to all belief. This trial was spinning in every way it shouldn’t. He can’t help but focus on (Y/N), eyes darting to every filled podium in the room as the room dissolves into argumentative yelling. Underneath it all you can almost hear Monomi muttering about how things shouldn’t turn out like this, but it’d be hard to hear under everyone arguing.

“There’s 12 people in this fucking court room, and you’re choosing to single out two people who have barely even been on that island!” Fuyuhiko starts yelling once more.

“You don’t have alibis, (Y/N)’s been acting strange this whole trial, and you’re the only two people with any motives!” Kazuichi shouts, making drastic gestures with his hands the whole time.

“N-No one else has given alibis.. This is simply unfair..” (Y/N) mutters.

“She has a point. We should wait to hear all alibis first before we point fingers. Where was everyone roughly around the time Hiyoko was killed?” Hajime questions.

“I was with (Y/N)!” Fuyuhiko insists.

“I was in the company of Sonia.” Gundham states, arms crossed.

“Nekomaru and I were in the hotel. I saw Nagito there as well as Chiaki!” Akane adds.

“Mikan and I were at the beach!” Ibuki exclaims.

“I was in my cottage..” Hajime states.

“Well, I was on the second island, but…” Kazuichi starts. “I saw you, Fuyuhiko.”

“What?” Fuyuhiko freezes. He can’t let this go now, if it gets (Y/N) in deep shit.. “No the fuck you didn’t!”

“You were in the diner! And (Y/N) wasn’t with you!” Kazuichi begins to argue dramatically, waving his hands around once more.

“You don’t have anyone to back you up! You could be lying to pin it on me, cause you’re the only one who fucking goes to Electric Ave!” Fuyuhiko yells.

“Why are you getting so defensive..?” Hajime asks.

“Because it’s fucking obvious Kazuichi did it! He’s the only here who goes there, he’s lying about his claim, and he’s twice Hiyoko’s fucking size! He wouldn’t have a damn issue bashing in her head!”

“Mikan and I were on the second island a swell.” Ibuki throws in. “We passed Kazuichi on the way to the beach, which means..”

“You’re covering for someone, aren’t you Fuyuhiko..?” Hajime questions.

“No, I’m not! Kazuichi is the fucking killer, let’s just vote already and get this over with!” Fuyuhiko yells. He’s set and believes only Kazuichi could’ve done it. It doesn’t matter if Kazuichi can call his bluff. It doesn’t matter how much contrasting evidence they have against it.

Because if he doesn’t blame Kazuichi, that only leaves (Y/N). She wasn’t a killer. She was kind, and always loving towards Fuyuhiko, and… and that type of person doesn’t just take someone else’s life. No matter who it is, no matter who deserves it..

A part of Fuyuhiko knew he was being irrational. Somewhere deep down, he knew she killed Hiyoko. He didn’t know why, and he didn’t care. He would die fighting for (Y/N) instead of watching her be taken away… he didn’t want a repeat of what happened with Peko. He couldn’t lose both of them.

He wasn’t going to let (Y/N) die.

“Come on, let’s just start the fucking voting already!” Fuyuhiko suggests with authority. He didn’t care, for just a fleeting moment, he didn’t care about his friends, as long as she would be okay.

The courtroom spirals into loud arguments and fights again. People arguing over alibis, over who was guilty, people siding with Fuyuhiko and people against his batshit logic.

“GUYS, STOP FIGHTING!”. A loud voice screams over the entirety of the arguments. It falls deadly silent as everyone turns to (Y/N). “It was me, okay!? I did it! I killed Hiyoko…” You exclaim, sniffling and crying from fear.

“(Y-Y/N)-” Fuyuhiko stutters, and the events of the last trial all come flooding back. All so different.. Yet still the same outcome.

“Why did you..?” Hajime asks, before recollecting himself. “Why didn’t you confess earlier..?”

“I-I don’t wanna d-die..!” She starts crying, tearing Fuyuhiko apart at the seams, the last of whatever stability left being ripped away. “B-But you guys started arguing a-and.. I d-don’t want my friends t-to get hurt cause I did something s-stupid..!” (Y/N) starts wiping away her tears. Whether she minded crying or not, whether she cared about appearing weak or strong.. She couldn’t stop crying.

“...w-why?” Fuyuhiko mutters, looking up and locking eyes with her. “W-Why!? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KILL HER!?”

“I DIDN’T REALIZE WHAT I WAS DOING!” (Y/N) shouts, before a loud sob leaves her as she leans against her podium. “S-She..I ran into h-her at Electric Ave a-and she was m-muttering a-all these mean things..!” A large heavy breath through a snotty nose. “A-About how P-Peko deserved t-to die after w-what she did..! And th-that you should’ve died too..! A-And I got so mad, I just p-picked up whatever was n-next to me and I hit her- a-and by the time I was done I realized and..”

“Breathe for a second..” Nagito mutters. “You can’t explain all of this when you can barely take in air.”

“I know that, Nagito!” She snaps up her head to look at him, before staring at the floor again. “W-When I realized what I did, I threw the pipe into the ocean right o-off the bridge.. And I-I felt bad leaving her there s-so I took her back to her cottage a-and laid her down.. So she could r-rest easy…A-and I guess I l-locked the door on my way o-out of habit…”

All self control left Fuyuhiko as he walked away from his podium and rushed over and basically grabbed (Y/N) by the collar, holding her head up and at his own height, regardless of how tall she was. “Why..? Wh-Why..?”

“S-She was so mean to you and P-Peko and I just- I didn’t mean to k-kill her- S-She was my f-friend-”

“Yet you killed her all the same. Jeez..” Nagito sighs. “W-” “S-Stay the fuck out of this Nagito!” Fuyuhiko snaps at him, eyes watering as he came to the realization that he was losing yet another person who he loved. This wasn’t what was planned. They were going to get out, and survive, and rule the Kuzuryuu clan, and..

“W-What’s wrong with you..? Y-You did this a-all to just defend me! And n-now you’re gonna die because y-you-” Fuyuhiko was trying to knock sense into you, trying to get you to justify yourself.

“I didn’t want y-you to die b-because I- because I messed up!” (Y/N) cries, Fuyuhiko’s grasp loose enough that (Y/N) breaks through and buries herself in his chest, crying loudly. Fuyuhiko can’t even pull himself to react. He knows he should hug her, or rub circles in her back, or anything, but he can’t bring himself to.

The unyielding despair of losing both Peko and (Y/N).. Fuyuhiko knew damn well it was only what the mastermind wanted. Yet still... despair took him in a chokehold grip and suffocated him, nearly blinding the world he knew with black spots in his vision. Everything hurt.. He didn’t know if he was capable of crying anymore than he already was.

“Gosh, all this sappy nonsense, every trial!” Monokuma complains. “Come on, everyone, it’s voting time!”

Fuyuhiko can’t help but stare at his classmates as they pull their levers, all putting his precious (Y/N) on the chopping block.. They all looked like monsters in his eyes. If he were a sensible man who weren’t overtaken by emotion, he would’ve understood that this is what was meant to be done. Even before he was transported to this hellish island, that was how his life worked. When you’re the Ultimate Yakuza, you can’t get attached to people.

Peko and (Y/N) always felt like an exception, but…

clearly, he was wrong.

“Corrrect!” Monokuma’s everlasting, devilish grin seems to grow even wider, rubbing salt in the wounds. “Our dear (Y/N) has murdered Hiyoko! And she almost got away with it too, phuhuhu!”

“YOU’RE A BASTARD!” Fuyuhiko screams, as (Y/N) pulls him back by the sleeve.

“P-Please, Fuyuhiko..”

He snaps back around. “W-Why..? P-Please, I-I- I can’t lose you too..”

“I’m s-sorry, Fuyuhiko..”

“I’ve prepared a very special punishment for the Ultimate (talent)!”

“P-Please! I n-need you! Y-You can’t l-leave me too-!” Fuyuhiko is crying his eyes out, harder than he’d ever imagined he’s capable of.

“Let’s give it everything we’ve got...!”

“I-I’m sorry, Fuyuhiko.” (Y/N) bows her head.

“Iiiiits PUNISHMENT TIME!” Monokuma shouts between the bits of conversations between the two torn apart lovers.

(Y/N) pulls Fuyuhiko close for a final kiss, and just as Fuyuhiko kisses back.. That stupid metal chain clamped around her neck. She takes in a heavy breath in shock, and then she’s dragged away, just as Teruteru was….

No one spoke a word as they watched (Y/N)’s execution. Her mouth was moving, as if she wanted to say something, but of course they couldn’t hear.. Was she calling out for Fuyuhiko.?

Even as her execution ended, no one spoke as they turned and caught Fuyuhiko, crying with his face in his hands as he was on his knees on the floor. Maybe the most emotion he’d ever shown...the trauma of watching both his childhood friend and lover dragged away weighed down and cracked the man’s very soul. It would take him a much longer time to recover from this...

#angst #fuyuhiko kuzuryuu #fuyuhiko kuzuryu angst #fuyuhiko kuzuryu x reader #hajime hinata #hiyoko saionji #akane owari #kazuichi souda #danganronpa #danganronpa 2 #blackened reader #mod akane

162 notes · View notes

giyuwu-san · 4 years

Text

spike into water // ushijima wakatoshi

— It’s sports season! Volleyballs and swimming caps are everywhere in this unlikely love story! But can the aspiring swim captain find a way for romance with the stoic volleyball captain Ushijima Wakatoshi?

↱ PAIRING : Ushijima Wakatoshi x Female-Swimmer!Reader

↱ WORD COUNT : 7.6K

↱ WARNINGS : Angst, Pining, Slow-burn

↱ TAGS : @assortedanime @tetsukuroos (I’m not even sure if you guys remember asking to be tagged LMAO)

↱ ASK : Hi! I dont know if you are still accepting requests, but if you are can i request for a oneshot of Wakatoshi falling for the (fem) swim captain at Shiratorizawa who also happens to be on the Japan swim team. I dont have a specific scenario for them interacting they could be dating and she shows up to one of games against karasuno(?) (I’ll leave jt up to you anything is fine) 😅. Thank you so much ! ❤️

↱ AUTHOR’S NOTE : It’s finally here! I’m also testing out a new format nyehe tell me what you think! Anyways this fic took me absolute ages and if you were one of the ones that had been with me throughout my writing process you know exactly what I’m talking about LMAO. But it’s finally here, so I hope you guys like it! This is also my first ever playlist fic, so each scene has their own song selected by yours truly! But it’s not mandatory for you to enjoy the fic! It just enhances the experience I think! Anyways, I don’t really know what else to say so I’ll just let you guys read it!

↱ PLAYLIST

------------------------------------------------✈

scene one; i’ll try

Shiratorizawa!

The pounding of the drums sent a familiar shiver through Ushijima Wakatoshi's spine. Except for the fact that the tingling wasn't usually something he felt because of the cheers. On ordinary days, the piercing screams were nothing but background noise. Something he could unconsciously drown out.

It wasn't that he was ungrateful for the support his fellow schoolmates showed, it was quite the opposite, but with the intensity of the sport he played, the uproars could only be driven back as a mere afterthought, something he would easily forget about, a buzz at the back of his mind.

Shiratorizawa!

Today, however, a thought was pushing through the forefront of his mind. It was like something was screaming at him to do something, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what.

It was currently the fourth set of their game against Karasuno, and as he looked around the sea of white and maroon, as well as the contrasting colors of black and orange, he couldn't help but feel strange.

Shiratorizawa!

"Shiratorizawa?"

Her face dropped as the sudden realization dawned upon her, and Ushijima had no choice but to watch silently. The way her soft eyes tensed into a tight glare, gazing back into his with a look of concealed hurt and betrayal. It pained him, to see the person he cared so much about, shrink back into the weak, vulnerable girl he had met all those years ago.

The ringing of the referee's whistle was what brought him out of his daze, walking briskly to the sidelines as the game was halted by a technical timeout. The cheers of the crowd didn't stop and with the added layer of another school, the overlapping cries were muddling together in what seemed to be a second battle off the court. The rhythmic beating of drums, the frantic clapping of cheer bats, and the deafening screams of the masses.

School was out for the day as the sun was slowly setting outside, its rays creeping through the windows, casting a golden sheen across the empty hallways. Most of the students had already rushed out as soon as the bell rang. Ushijima, however, being a new student, had to lag behind to settle the remaining paperwork with his new teachers.

And as he walked down through the empty floors, hands gripping the straps of his backpack, he felt his body halt as the peaceful campus was interrupted by an earsplitting scream.

The scream Ushijima heard resounded throughout the hallways, the sound ripping through his ears as it got dragged out by the constant echoes.

Who could that be? And at this time?

Ushijima didn't know the campus all that well, it was his first day, how could he? Yet as the screams only got worse, his feet started moving towards the sounds plaguing his elementary school's hallways. The cries getting louder as his feet stepped further in rapid succession, every step he took, the louder the screams rang in his ears.

As he crept closer, new sounds started inviting themselves through his senses, the screams were clearer, but now there was something else.

Are those water splashes?

Ushijima couldn't know for sure, but as his feet walked farther, he found himself halting in front of a room.

Opening the sliding doors, he was greeted by the sight of a girl splashing around in the water, head protruding from the surface every few seconds. And at that moment, it didn't take an adult to realize that the girl in front of him, whose screams were becoming more chocked, wasn't here to swim.

She was drowning.

The timeout had ended and Ushijima was once again standing tall on the court, eyes focused and calculating. Whatever feelings were emerging from within him, the sudden wave of nostalgia that would wash over him, they could be dealt with at another time. He needed to focus, sharpen his senses on the game in front of him, but no matter how hard he tried, there would always be an inkling feeling that lingers at the back of his conscious.

The girl was shivering and clinging onto Ushijima's body. Which now matched hers as the droplets of water fell onto the tile floors beneath them.

He couldn't quite process what exactly just happened. He couldn't understand how he had found himself in this situation, but he understood that the girl was safe. And that was all he needed to understand.

"Don't let me go," he heard her say despite her coughs. He heard her, and he listened. Holding onto her form tighter before rushing her to the nurse.

scene two; you’ve got a friend in me

"Toshiiii!" you said. The joy in your voice making itself known as you trudged further into the small yard with Wakatoshi and his father playing volleyball together. "Let me play too!" you pouted.

The young boy turned to you and nodded promptly, much to your delight.

"Y/N-chan! How nice of you to drop by!" said Ushijima's father, a wide smile plastered onto his face as he waved at you. He was always such a kind man, always welcoming you with open arms. And as you ran over to where they were playing, the smile never once left his face.

Knowing this, you could only laugh as you stared at the boy in front of you. Face emotionless and unwavering in comparison.

It had been a year since that incident in the pool. The memories that still plagued your mind sent your body shivering similarly to how it did back then. But looking at the boy staring back at you, your troubled mind found comfort in his eyes. Eyes that were calm like the grass that surrounded him, swaying softly as the wind brushed its soft fingers through it.

"Do you know how to play?" he asked you.

"N-no," you said meekly. "But if I learn, do you think I can be as good as you?"

And at that moment, the ball that was once in Wakatoshi's hands flew over to your direction. A small yelp escaped you, your arms flying up to protect your face.

"Maybe," was his only response as you huffed and picked the ball back up.

"I wasn't ready yet!" you tried acting mad but ended up laughing as the fifth-grader looked at you blankly once more. "Don't think I'm weak just because I'm a third-grader!"

"But if I thought you were weak wouldn't I have warned you before throwing the ball?" he retorted back.

"Oh yeah..." you said in sudden realization.

Ushijima's father, who was watching from the sidelines, couldn't help but laugh.

scene three; i smile

The warm beads of sand tickled your feet. The ocean waves flowing smoothly against the surface as it danced back and forth with the current. And the sun shined brightly above, casting a sheen against all that stood below it, basking everything in sunlight. It was a beautiful day.

Your family had decided to take a summer trip to the beach. It was the final week of your summer break, and once this was over, you would be coming back to school a fourth-grader.

You looked towards Ushijima and his father, having had tagged along after you had invited them. The olive-haired boy still wearing the same unwavering expression. You laughed at him despite yourself. You would think someone who was going to be in the sixth-grade, and soon a junior high-schooler would at least try to make himself seem more approachable.

You bowed to his father in greeting. The man smiling back at you before walking over to your parents for a chat, leaving you alone with Wakatoshi.

You had remained friends ever since the incident at the pool. Only having grown closer throughout the summer break with your frequent visits to his house.

"Toshi! Let's play beach volleyball!" you piped up at him as he looked at you curiously.

"Sure," he said.

But you should have known with your volleyball skills not having improved much, that the game was going to end quicker than you thought.

Huffing in frustration, you plopped down onto the sand with your arms crossed.

"Why can't I be as good as you?" you asked him. Your eyes peering up at him as a small pout played on your face.

"Maybe you're just good at something else," he said, shoulders shrugging slightly.

"Like what?" you asked, only for him to shrug once more. Making an exasperated sigh escape your lips as you laid down on the sand.

"Why don't you try learning how to swim?" he asked suddenly, making your body jolt up. Your face looking up at his with bewilderment, was he insane?

"Woah, wait, what brought this up?" you asked him. "You know I can't!"

"Why not?" was his reply. Of course, that was his reply. "We're at a beach."

"No," you said.

"Why?"

"I might drown." you looked up at him, and his eyes softened ever so slightly. He knew why you were scared, but you couldn't just keep living your life having this one memory hold you back, right? Because even if he didn't say it outright, you were his friend. And friends care about each other and want them to be better.

"I'll teach you," he said. You looked at him with shock, but with his face looking oddly determined, you agreed begrudgingly.

The water felt cold against your body as you tried to float on top of it. With Toshi supporting you as he held you up, you tried to calm down.

But it wasn't working.

The feeling of having the air blocked out, the feeling of your vision blurring, and your body going into a panic. It kept playing at the back of your mind like he was going to let go and watch you sink deeper and deeper. You felt like shaking, maybe you were, but then suddenly—

"It's okay," he said, holding you tightly. "I won't let you go."

He looked at you carefully, attentively.

"So just breathe."

He was right, it was okay.

You took a deep breath, letting the air fill your lungs, and the ocean breeze brush against your skin. He won't let go.

And soon it felt like you were floating, and you were. Toshi gently moving you around the water as your body continued to float against it. You looked at him, and you smiled.

It didn't take long until he started teaching you the basics of how to swim, or at least he tried to. You did now know how to float, but you still hadn't gotten over the fear of your head being below the water, and Toshi knew this.

"Take a deep breath," he said. And before you knew it, his hands covered your ears as he pushed both of your heads underwater.

It felt like you were entering a different realm. It felt peaceful, serene even. As he looked into your eyes to make sure you were okay, you stared back into his. The gentle hum of the ocean was something you never knew existed, its melody ringing in your covered ears as it almost lulled you to sleep.

It was because of him that you could hear such a beautiful song, and it was because of him you suddenly felt braver, stronger.

You brought your own hands up towards his ears, cupping them the same way his hands did with yours.

You wanted to stay like this forever, in this dream, with him.

But eventually, you had to come back up for air. Breathing in as the sunlight suddenly evaded your senses, you looked into his eyes, with a new fire evident in your own.

"One day, I'll definitely be as good as you," you said. And for the first time since meeting him at the pool that day, he smiled.

scene four; i like you

"Nice receive!"

The gymnasium watched on carefully at the match playing before their eyes. It was the last day of their elementary school's sports festival and the volleyball game playing on its final set was keeping everyone on edge. It was a close game. The third set seemed never-ending as both teams fought back and forth in a deuce.

You watched Ushijima as he moved together with his team in what seemed like some sort of spontaneous choreography. They were at match point a few seconds ago, but that was until the spiker from the other team came forward, evening out the score, and bringing both teams' scores into the 30s.

You were biting your nails, the jacket you wore seeming to be useless against the chills running through your body at the intense match. Miraculously, however, the other team's serve went too far out and placed Ushijima's team back at match point. You gripped the metal bars in front of you, your gaze fixated onto the olive-haired boy. Your head felt like exploding as the internal chanting kept getting louder and louder. And that was probably because the chanting wasn't internal anymore.

"Ushijima Wakatoshi!" you screamed, catching the attention of both him and everyone else. "Show them how strong you really are!"

His face remained expressionless like it always was, but you could feel the aura around him change. It was almost as if the air started circling him, the air pressure shifting and rotating against all opposing currents. And you knew everyone else could feel the change too. Like everyone was getting sucked into a whirlpool, a vortex.

He jumped into the sky, the setted ball flying towards him as if it knew that was where it was meant to go.

You saw him bring his hand down, and you saw the ball hit the floor.

You watched as the ball flew back up just as quickly as it had hit the ground. The sound it emitted seemed almost high pitched and scattered as it resounded around the silent gymnasium. The scattered sound, like droplets of water that would be thrown up into the air, punched upwards by something crashing into it.

The ball was what crashed into it, a spike into water.

The game ended with your school's victory. The court divided in both triumph and failure, but it was a good game nonetheless.

You were walking alongside Ushijima, still as expressionless as ever. You looked at him and couldn't help but chuckle.

"You just won a hard game," you said, eyes locking on to his profile. "Shouldn't there at least be a tiny little smile?" you chuckled even more as you brought your fingers up to the ends of his mouth and hoisting them up to form a small, makeshift smile. It was good enough.

"I'm smiling in the inside," he said. You laughed at his attempt at being playful. But he was right. After knowing him for two years, you had grown a strange skill of identifying his moods. You knew he wasn't the type of person to wear his emotions on his face, but you knew more than anyone that he felt emotions just as intensely as anyone, if not more.

You looked at him some more, imagining what kind of smile he was wearing within himself. Would it be a goofy smile? Teeth butting out? Maybe with some gums showing?

Or would it be the small, proud smile he showed you that day at the beach? When he looked at you like you were the most amazing person in the world. Like you were his pride and joy, the strongest person he knew.

He smiled at you like that, yet whenever you looked at him, you almost felt like crying. To you, he was the most amazing person in the world. Your pride and joy, the strongest person you knew.

You looked at him, and wanted to love him.

You wanted to love the way his hair would turn darker when damp from sweat. The sweat that showed he had worked hard, that he had grown stronger and will continue to do so. You wanted to love the way he was always there for you when you needed him the most, even when you didn't know he was there. You wanted to love the way he looked at you. Fantasizing that maybe he would look at you, and want to love you too.

You wanted to love him, because you do.

You smiled at him, then looked forward ahead of you.

"Come to my game later," you said, determined. Finally having the chance to show him how hard you had worked. You zipped up your club jacket and continued looking ahead. You took a deep breath. Halting your steps, you looked at him.

"I'll show you how good I've gotten."

scene five; i’ll remember

The cold air of the pool washed over your entire body, sending a shiver down your spine. You looked around the room, the bright lights that shined from above you, the white walls that surrounded you, and the aquamarine tiles that were below you. You looked at the clear water that flowed calmly within its confinements.

And then you looked at him, into his eyes.

You smiled at him, a bittersweet smile. It was his last year as an elementary school student. Soon enough, he was going to leave you behind to fulfill greater heights. He was going to leap forward and fly higher and higher.

And so were you.

You were going to show him how far you've come. That you had become someone he could be proud of, someone that you could be proud of. You were both going to become stronger.

Together.

You were both going to go separate ways, towards two different paths. And as you took your position on the stand and the whistle resounded across the room. You leaped forward towards yours.

The water hit your face as your body started moving, hearing the same song you did at the beach, just with a different melody. The tempo was faster, you were faster. It was like your body was moving, dancing, through the water.

You felt at peace. The water that you used to fight with, the water that you couldn't get along with, had finally accepted you with open arms. Letting you move through it, forming a passage for you to cross.

There were many setbacks. Times when you receded back into the girl that almost drowned, that was scared of the water taking her. There were times when you would lose your calm and fumble. Times when you would think back to the fear and let it consume you.

You were waiting for that moment to happen, waiting for it to appear and devour you.

But it never came.

Instead what appeared were the memories you had with him. All the times you had been with him, and all the times he had been with you.

"I won't let you go," he said.

You wanted to thank him for these memories. Memories that helped you get through your hardest days, memories that made you remember that he was always going to be there no matter what, always beside you.

Even if he was going to graduate soon, and leave you behind. Even if there would come a day when you would have to say goodbye, you would always keep these memories he had given you, and never let them go. Promising to yourself that you would remember.

You would remember these memories, the ones that made you love him even more.

He watched you from the sidelines as your body seemed to move in sync with the water. Watched as your head peeked out momentarily, only to gracefully dive back in. It was as if you were performing a coordinated swing, dancing along to music he could not hear.

He looked at you and saw no trace of the girl drowning in the pool that day. You had come so far, and no words could express how proud he was as he watched you swim further ahead. No fear or hesitation apparent in your form. It was like you were a completely different person.

And then your head jumped out of the water after reaching the end of the pool, and it was as if you were reborn perfectly anew.

You locked eyes, and showed him the most radiant smile he had ever seen. How could he possibly not smile back?

He looked into your eyes that gleamed brilliantly at him. Eyes that conveyed words that only he could hear, and feelings only he could accept.

"I told you," his smile grew wider. "I told you I'd be just as good as you."

scene six; when you love someone

Ushijima was walking alongside you, who was smiling brightly, feet skipping. You were looking at him with the smile he had seen countless times. The smile that was so happy, it hurt him to see you any other way.

Whenever there were times that your smile would lose its joy, it's brilliance, he wanted to give it back to you. He would do whatever it took just for your smile to stay the same. It made his heart ache thinking about the times you weren't smiling, when you were weak and shaking in his arms.

But as he looked at you now, your hair slightly damp and your eyes shining like the moon that illuminated onto them so beautifully. He looked at you now and felt his heart sing with joy.

He remembered all those times he wanted to take your pain away. Those times when he would rather have your tears be his own. He almost wanted to curse himself for only being able to be with you, that the only thing he could do to ease the pain was to stand beside you.

He looked at you now and continued to watch you walk— grow.

Yet again, always beside him. And he felt happy.

His heart ached and soared at the same time. Just the mere thought of you sending shivers down his spine, his young mind was racing with these new feelings he didn't understand.

"It was an eventful day today," he said, trying his best at conversation.

"It was," you said back, your face turning to look at him and— your smile.

You're so beautiful.

The sparkle in your eyes, the pink of your cheeks, the curves of your lips, everything, everything was so beautiful.

And then, your smile softened, and soon vanished into a small frown.

He was distraught.

"Do you know," you trailed off slightly, your eyes dropping down onto the ground as you kept walking, "why I was drowning that day?"

"You didn't seem to want to talk about it," Ushijima said carefully.

You chuckled a bit, playing awkwardly with your hands.

"It wasn't anything serious." You continued, "Actually, it was kinda stupid, ya know?"

He nodded to you, still listening.

"Maybe..." you drifted off once more, "maybe that's why I was so scared to tell you, cause, I thought that you would think that I was really lame."

"I would never think that," he replied bluntly.

"Yeah," you looked at him again, a fragment of your smile coming back to your face. "I know."

He was still looking at you expectantly, though not inclined to ask you outright, he couldn't deny that he was curious.

"It was during swimming classes that my favorite necklace broke and fell into the pool." you laughed at yourself, cheeks heating up slightly.

"And so you decided to go back after school to try and get it out?" he asked, which only made you feel even dumber.

"Yeah..." you said, before huffing and replying, "but it was my favorite necklace, okay?!"

"Okay," he replied, looking at you.

You stopped in your tracks and stared at him dumbly.

"Y-You're not gonna call me dumb?" you said.

"No," he said. "Do you want me to?"

"No!" you coughed. "I mean, no."

"Okay then," he replied once more before walking again.

"I just thought—" you sighed. "I thought you would laugh at me."

He looked at you. You were frowning with your eyes focused down onto your shoes, the smile he loved nowhere to be seen. You had just won a competition, why were you so gloomy all of a sudden?

"We all did foolish things when we were younger," he tried his best to cheer you up, to have you smiling again. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

You perked up at him slightly. Almost there.

"What kind of necklace was it?" Please give me your smile again.

"It was silver, with a little feather pendant attached to it," you said, your small smile growing ever so lightly. Just a little more.

"I see," he said, watching you intently. Waiting for your smile to grace him with its presence once more, please let me make you smile.

He stopped dead in his tracks, causing you to do the same. Turning his body towards yours, he looked at your confused face. Your face looked so pretty under the street lamp, the dull lighting draping over your features so casually. But he knew that your smile could outshine the lamp tenfold. So please, just smile, be happy.

He brought his index fingers to the corners of his mouth, stretching them up and forming a wide makeshift smile.

You're so beautiful when you're happy.

You started laughing, and his heart was overjoyed.

He hoped you could hear him, hear his heart beating— singing for you.

And so as you laughed at him, the smile he loved so much making its way back to your face, he promised to do everything he could to make it stay.

All your struggles, all your pain, he would carry them for you. Because that's what you do; when you love someone.

scene seven; i need somebody

You smiled brightly at the slightly flustered Ushijima, his fingers that were once on the corners of his mouth now falling back down to his sides. You watched him look at you, and the frown that you had earlier made its way back to your face.

You wanted to prepare yourself— prepare him for what you had to say. No matter how much you thought about it, you couldn't find the right words and rambled instead. But even in your struggles and indecisiveness, you had to tell him.

"Toshi," you started. Feeling the lump in your throat as you stared into his olive eyes. You eventually turned and looked away. "Where are you going for junior high?"

A simple, evasive question, it was all you could muster.

He seemed to have thought nothing of it, "Shi—" but that was until he stopped, and stumbled. But even with his momentary uncertainty and falter, he still looked at you.

"Shiratorizawa," he finally said to you.

"Shiratorizawa?"

Your face dropped as the sudden realization dawned upon you, and Ushijima had no choice but to watch silently. You had expected it— knew that this was how it was going to happen, yet the true reality of the situation had only hit you now. After all the desire for improvement and strength had calmed down, all that was left was you and him, standing in front of each other in a dimply lit alley, cursed with the impending fate of a goodbye.

Your soft eyes started to fill with unknowing tears, gazing back into his with a look of hurt and melancholy. It pained him, to see the person he cared so much about, shrink back into the weak, vulnerable girl he had met all those years ago.

But you could still visit each other, he thought. Your houses were still close. Nothing needed to change, right?

"Oh," you said. "My family and I are moving to Australia."

"Oh," he said back. "I see."

"Yeah..." you fiddled with your fingers, the lights above you flickering.

You thought that it was over, it was done. There was nothing else that was needed to be said. And so you turned and walked away, even when you didn't want to.

You wanted to turn around and hug him, tell him that you didn't want to go. Cry into his arms and listen to him. Listen to how his heart was beating too fast, listen to him breathing unsteadily. Listen to him as he would mutter a weak invitation to his graduation ceremony, that he wanted you to stay, with him.

But none of it came, there was no invitation, there were no hugs, and no turning back.

You wanted to stop and— just stop and not go, to stay. But you didn't.

And he didn't stop you.

Ushijima spiked the ball hard into the other side of the court. Feeling all the adrenaline rush in with the unwelcome resurgence of memories fogging his mind into an intense haze.

He suddenly remembered the way your eyes shined in the moonlight that very night. The way your face glowed and your hair cascaded down your shoulders, he remembered you, and your smile.

Why did it have to be now that he would remember you, yearn for you, after all these years of painful acceptance? Why did it have to be now that he would be overwhelmed by the questions of what if?

He couldn't explain it. The thought that was being pushed through the forefront of his mind, the light buzzing and banging. Like something was screaming at him to do something, and getting louder and louder.

He looked across the crowd, the opposing team having called for a timeout. He looked across the cheer squad and large drums. The banging ringing in his ears louder than ever, maybe he was just going crazy?

But with the sinking feeling that he was getting closer to something, he let the moment of insanity slide for now. He kept looking, scanning every face that came into view. That maybe there was something— someone he needed to see.

And then he saw you. Your eyes shining, face glowing, hair cascading down your shoulders, everything. He saw you, and you saw him. Your mouth coming up and forming that smile he loved so much. You always smiled at him so perfectly, but more than that, you were here, cheering for him.

He ignored the strange looks his coaches and teammates were giving him. He was aware that they probably thought he was going through it, because maybe he was. He just couldn't believe it. You were right there.

He then heard the familiar whistle blow across the gym. And he was momentarily knocked out of his daze. He sent you one last look, and ignored all his questions, when, why, and how you were here was something he could deal with at another time. Because when he finally stepped back onto the court, he was stepping in for you.

For all the moments you had, and all the moments you didn't. For all the words that had been said and the words that could have. He stepped in for you, for the girl that stole his heart all those years ago. He stepped in for the two of you and what could have been.

scene eight; all alone

The gymnasium fell silent as the game came to its end. The court divided with mixed emotions of celebration and loss. Ushijima looked at you from the crowd, smiling reassuringly at him. He felt relieved.

Leaving the gym, Ushijima headed back to where he placed his gym bag. Jogging idly towards it, he picked it up and slung it over his shoulder.

He sat down inside the bus, utterly exhausted. The match had taken its toll on every player, and Ushijima was no exception to its physical and mental turmoil. He let out a prompt sigh.

The bus was surprisingly quiet, given that Tendou was inside, but he guessed even an eccentric like him had his limits, and he couldn't fault him for that. He instead took this moment of tranquility to organize his feelings.

He saw you again. After almost three years of distance, you were finally back.

He unzipped his gym bag and found his hands enclosing around a box. He took it out and examined it like he had many times before. Carefully opening it, he stared as the light from outside shined onto the silver of the necklace, from the clasp to the feather pendant that hung upon it. It was still in perfect shape, from all the times Ushijima dreamed of giving it to you one day. And that chance had finally come, three years later.

He let his mind wander to the moments he wanted to share with you, the words he wanted to say. He wondered what it was like for you all these years if you were happy and experienced precious memories just like he did. There was so much he wanted to know, wanted to ask.

So much he wanted to make up for.

He sighed and leaned back into his seat. You didn't even notify him that you were coming back, it was all so sudden. Were you going to attend high school in Japan? Which school?

He was going to graduate soon, just like three years ago. The term was almost over, and the school was already accepting new students. There was a possibility, but one he was reluctant in letting himself believe in or more or less hope for. He wondered if he was just getting his hopes up.

He wondered about all the options, all the possibilities. Did you just come back to watch that one game? Did he already miss his shot as soon as he got the chance?

He massaged his forehead briskly and decided to sleep on it. He was too tired to think too deeply about anything at the moment. If he really wanted to know, he would just have to find you and ask you himself. And maybe then he would be able to tell you he was in love with you.

And find out that you were in love with him too.

scene nine; you were beautiful

Ushijima walked through the crowd of people occupying the hallway. It was louder than usual, the students already making plans for summer break with the term almost at its end.

He was on his way to practice, but that was until a figure started walking by his side. He first paid no mind to it and kept walking, only sneaking a glance and seeing— you.

He stopped.

"Hey," you said to him, smiling. "It's been a while."

"Yeah," was all he could say.

"It was a good game," you said. "Yesterday."

"We lost."

"Yeah."

There was a long pause.

"I'm a student here now," you said, looking at him. "Though I came in pretty late."

"Yeah," he replied as you kept walking.

"How have you been these past few years?"

"Playing volleyball," he replied promptly.

"I see," you replied.

The tension was killing him. His eyes focused in front of him and refusing to look towards you. He couldn't look at you.

Maybe it was just all the years catching up to him, or the sight of you after so long messing with his brain. He couldn't know. All the memories that flooded him, the feelings that overwhelmed him, it was too much for even him to handle. He couldn't take it.

Back when the dimly lit light flickered above the both of you on that narrow alleyway, the moon high above in the night sky.

You were so beautiful.

Your eyes that looked at him, your voice that called out to him, your smile that was always directed towards him. Everything, everything about you was everything to him.

He looked at you finally.

"Why did you leave?" he asked you. The one question that had been eating at him all this time for the past three years.

All this time of yearning for you to come back, and now that you were finally here, eyes the same color, hair slightly shorter, smile just as bright as it always was. He wanted so many things, but nothing more at the same time. He didn't want anything else but for you to stay in his presence, beside him like how it was always supposed to be. He didn't want anything more.

All his ambitions and questions could be left unrewarded and unanswered. He just wanted back the moments only you could give him. Everything that passed, everything that was missed, he wanted it more than anything. He clenched his fist inside his uniform pocket tightly.

"My mom got a new job," you said. "I'm sorry I never fully explained."

"It's okay."

He started walking again, and so did you.

"Would you like to attend my graduation ceremony?" he asked you.

"I'd love to," you replied, looking forward.

He didn't cry when you walked away. Back then, when everything so simple suddenly became complicated.

Back when the tears he saw leave your eyes were turned into anger in his refusal to believe that you had parted on such sad terms. He thought that maybe it would be easier to move on when his last memory of you looked at him in anger. That maybe, he could erase the tears from his mind and have you hate him instead. He realized that it was all just sad foolishness.

He remembered— accepted the fact that what happened was nobody's fault. That both your hearts had shattered, and it was no one's fault.

You were both making your way closer to the end of the hallway, the crowds of people disappearing slightly, the space feeling less cramped. He could feel you looking at him, your eyes focused on his profile. This was a normal thing between the two of you, but three years had passed, and he had no idea how much he had missed these simple habits.

He missed all the moments that seemed mundane to him back then, when you would walk beside him, look at him, play volleyball with him, no matter how bad you were. He missed all of it, he missed—.

"I missed you," you said.

He looked at you and paused.

"Thank you," he said back.

You smiled.

It was these mundane moments that made you so beautiful. Back then, even when the tears stained your face, you still looked beautiful. When your eyes, for what he thought was the last time, looked at him. When your voice spoke out to him, back then, when no matter how hard he tried, you still seemed to slowly become a movie of the past. No matter the moment, no matter the circumstance, you looked so beautiful.

But it was these mundane moments that made him fall in love with you even more.

He clutched the necklace in his pocket even tighter.

Both of you finally stopped at the end of the long corridor. Both of you on your way to do club work, but in the opposite direction. You both wanted to laugh, it all seemed like some kind of fate, but even then, you decided to smile it away.

He brought out his hand from his pocket, still holding the silver necklace. He hesitated, but looked at you anyway.

He reached his hand out to you, the chain hanging from his fingers. You took one look at it, then looked into his eyes. The eyes you could read so well, looked at you like he wanted to convey so much but nothing else at the same time.

You hugged him. You hugged him tightly. His hands wrapped around you gently. Enclosing you into his personal bubble, for all the people left in the hallway to see.

"Thank you," was all you decided to say.

"I missed you," he said. And it was all he needed to say back.

You parted from him, your hand carefully taking the necklace from his, the light from the window beside the two of you shining on it, making it sparkle.

He started walking the other way, and so did you. But he stopped and turned around, and so did you.

He looked at your eyes, the smallest shine playing on his own.

"Don't let it break this time," he said.

And you smiled once again.

"I won't," you said.

scene ten; i loved you

The hall was loud and happy, filled with celebration and melancholy as the students of Ushijima's batch graduated, some parting ways and some making plans to stay.

He looked at the audience that clapped for them and saw you. A small smile played on his lips as a bright one was proudly displayed on your own.

He looked around him and at his teammates, proud that they had come this far together, smiles on their faces like everyone else.

After thanking each of them one by one, he looked back at you, who smiled and flicked your head towards the exit. He nodded and started following you, leaving the graduation hall.

"Where exactly are we going?" he asked.

"You'll see," you showed him your smile, and he couldn't refuse you.

You grabbed his hand as you started walking faster along the endless hallway, and soon enough, you were both standing in front of the indoor swimming pool. You both made your way inside and turned on the lights.

"One day, I'm gonna become the captain," you said as you crossed your arms proudly. Ushijima nodded seriously.

"I'm sure you can," he said, and you smiled at him.

You took his hand and dragged him towards the edge of the pool, eliciting a confused look on Ushijima's face.

"Can I be a tad bit cheesy?" you asked, looking into his eyes. Your back was facing the pool as you stood on the edge, Ushijima standing in front of you.

"What do you mean?" he asked, but your arms already made their way around his neck.

You smiled at him cheekily and leaned back into the pool, causing both of you to crash into it. Your bodies started sinking into the pool, Ushijima's eyes slightly wider from shock while you continued to look at him from underwater.

Your heads eventually shot out of the water, clothes wet and hair damp. You started laughing.

"I've always wanted to do that!" you laughed louder as you looked at Ushijima's dumbfounded face. He clearly was not expecting what just happened.

Seeing him so unusually expressive made you want to tease him even more, like the Toshi you knew from all those years back.

You swiftly ran your hand across the surface of the water, splashing him in the face as you giggled even more. Toshi looked at you in slight shock, yet a small smile played underneath his stoic features. He brought his hand up and splashed water right back at you, making you squeal and swim backward, laughing.

You didn't know how much time had passed with you splashing water at each other, how long you two had lapped around the pool trying to catch each other, laughing, and enjoying each other's presence.

You looked at him, who had a rare smile on his face, and realized just how much you yearned for this moment. His eyes that stared back into you, and your heartbeat that started beating faster than before, you realized just how much the memories with him meant to you. You used to be content with looking back at the memories you had created all those years ago, but now it was different. Both of you were different.

It wasn't enough anymore to reminisce about past memories. You wanted, needed to make more, with him.

Even with the thought that he would once again be swept away by the many opportunities that awaited him, but even then, you still felt happy. He was on his way to accomplishing so many great things that you couldn't help but look at him, his hair wet and uniform ruined, yet he still looked happy, with you in this moment.

You started swimming towards him, eyes never once leaving his. The water around you flowing against your body softly as it almost pushed you towards him. You giggled as you got closer.

You were now in front of him, hands on his shoulders and eyes staring in his. You smiled softly at him.

"Take a deep breath," you said, and before he knew it, your hands covered his ears as you pushed both of your heads underwater.

The water engulfed the two of you as it's serene hum blinded your senses. You looked into his eyes that stared back at you, and his hands that made its way to cover your own ears.

It was like you were back in the ocean with him when you were still children, but it was also so different.

You were both grown now, with feelings that had developed over time, or maybe they were always there.

You stared into his eyes as he did the same, lips inching closer and closer. You smiled brightly at him one last time before you kissed him gently. You pulled away and rested your forehead against his until Toshi brought his face closer and pecked your lips again.

You had no idea how long the both of you had held your breaths underwater, but you had no plans to find out. With your lips moving softly against one another, and your bodies held in a tranquil state under the swimming pool water, you couldn't care less.

The two of you in each other's arms, hands covering ears, and hearts falling deeper in love.

Just the two of you, in that moment, with no other forces pulling you apart.

237 notes · View notes

valwrite · 4 years

Text

empty lighter; daveed diggs

masterlist

summary: it’s fascinating, the things people leave behind in our lives. memories, possessions, scars, emotions. over the course of his life, daveed had collected so much from people who he’d left behind. but all he has left of her is a lighter and a broken heart.

warnings: angst, fluff, suggestive content, way too many cigarettes.

fic style: oneshot.

word count: 11.4k

author’s note: ah! it’s finally here! my first ever oneshot on this blog. hopefully, you guys enjoy reading it. is it the best writing in the world? no. but it doesn’t matter, i’m so proud of myself for actually getting back into writing, to the point where i was able to start and finish an 11k word fic. i’ve edited this over 10 times, so if there’s still an error in it, i’m going to cry. feedback, likes and reblogs are 100% appreciated!

December, 2015

Sweat was in the air and, with it, a scent one would hardly call enjoyable. With his behind comfortably sat in a cushioned bar stool, the man done his best to ignore the scenery of the busy club: the ever moving mass of bodies on the dance floor; the headache inducing remix of California Girls, which the evening's DJ was playing for what felt like the millionth time that night; the sight of his best friend hitting on some poor unsuspecting girl just trying to order drinks for herself and her friends. Instead, he focused on the drops of condensation and the pattern they left behind as they dripped down the side of his glass.

The speakers began to play yet another remix. Daveed rolled his eyes and welcomed another sip of his drink, this time not returning the glass to the counter top until the caramel liquor was all gone. The burning feeling was familiar and anchored him down in reality, a bitter yet accepted reminder that, once again, he found himself in the same situation he'd been in for over a year: alone, while being surrounded by sweating bodies. Sat at a bar, his friend off chasing some nameless girl and nothing but his loneliness, which only grew with each breath he drew, to keep him company.

His friend, Rafael, made eye contact with him and beckoned him over. So he stood but made no attempt to approach and discover whatever plan Rafa had in store for him. He knew the blonde haired man just a little too well at that point. He knew that the man was desperate to get his friend back to the state he'd been in four months prior, where every night was a thrill and an opportunity to get tangled up in some sheets with a pretty stranger and some pain numbing lust. In Rafa's weak defense, he had no idea what had switched in his friend to revert him back into a self pitying mess. He hadn't bore witness to the scene Daveed had stumbled upon all those months ago, a scene which sent him rapidly spiraling back to the rut he'd been stuck in the first two months after the break up.

Daveed shook his head, his wilder than usual curls bouncing from side to side as he focused on getting his mind off of the break up, off of the ring store, off of her. He couldn't afford another night of wasted tears. He headed in the opposite direction of Rafa and found himself breathing fresh air for the first time in hours as he stepped out on to the busy New York street. A car honked in the near distance and the street lights just about matched the neon lights which had lit up the club but Daveed felt as though a weight had been lifted off of his chest. Clubs had always been a part of his social and professional life yet recent events had left him feeling claustrophobic inside them. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't like that this was his social life again. Nights spent in clubs, mornings spent with uncaring strangers, afternoons spent in regret and nausea. Where had the nights of home cooked meals gone? The mornings he'd spent shielding his beloved from the harsh light of the rising sun? The afternoons where it didn't matter what wasted the time away, all that mattered was the hand clasped tightly in his and the woman it belonged to? He wanted them back.

Daveed wanted her back.

He'd been so consumed in his own thoughts that, when he finally focused in on his surroundings again, he was only a block away from his apartment and the club was long behind him. He figured he could text Rafa once he got inside, he'd understand why Daveed walked out. He probably already knew. A shy voice calling out his name caught his immediate attention and Daveed paused mid step. The voice seemed familiar, comforting, adoring. His breath caught in his throat and he swore he was dreaming. It took a moment or two for him to turn around and face his pursuer.

Disappointment burst forth inside him but he had to conceal the drop in his smile, especially when he noticed the young girl who was smiling at him with a gleam of excitement in her eyes and a familiar logo printed on her black t-shirt. He hadn't been dreaming, just delusional.

The fan was kind enough. She'd shyly asked him for a picture before gushing over how excited she'd been at one of last week's shows at the theater. Her brief mentioning of clipping. had meant more to Daveed than anything else she'd said, which he knew was a little selfish of him but he couldn't help it. Clipping., unlike the current Broadway show he was a part of, was truly something that was his to own. Sure, there were two other guys involved along with him, but the words he spat and the emotions and meanings laced within them were all Daveed's. To have it gain praise was a direct boost to his ego.

With a happier feeling installed in him, Daveed found himself unlocking the door to his apartment. He didn't bother untying his laces, his shoes simply being kicked off and left near the front door as he made his way into the familiar apartment. He ignored the state the place was in and dropped down on to the comfort of the leathered loveseat, finding some form of tranquility in the disorganization of his own belongings. It somehow made the place feel closer to home. Despite the fact he'd been staying there since pre-production of Hamilton, Daveed still felt disconnected. Not just to the apartment but the whole city. Perhaps, he felt too loyal to the Bay area to allow himself to get too comfortable with living on the east coast. More likely, it had to do with the fact she wasn't there with him, like she was supposed to be, like they'd both agreed.

Engraved in his mind was the memory of Y/N 's face, lit up with glee as she strolled in and out of the different rooms of the place, her voice rising in volume as she ranted and raved about all the ways they could set up the apartment- their apartment, a first of many homes together; god, just thinking of it brought a smile to his face and a dizzy feeling to his head-, and her list of all the ways they could spend any free time they could get: the little cafes they could visit, the monuments they could see, the streets they could walk. He could so vividly remember pulling her into his arms, his lips confidently claiming her own against them. He held her there for their own little infinity, one hand fisted in her hair, the other splayed out against her lower back as her own softly grabbed at his jumper and held him down to her, as if he'd ever dream of leaving her. Her soft laughter had echoed off the walls as she pulled away. He couldn't stand having his mouth off of her and settled with peppering kisses down her exposed neck whilst she jokingly accused him of just wanting her to shut up. He didn't even know how to begin to explain how far from the truth that was. That, in reality, he'd just felt such a desperate need to have her against him because he wasn't entirely sure if she was real or if the life and relationship they'd built together had been nothing but a cruel dream of his. She was too good, her love was too good and he, a man who's career was built off of his eloquence and mastering of word play, was at a complete loss for words when it came to loving her. Heavy breathing and discarded clothing was the way he'd chosen to express his love that evening, breaking in their new apartment. The very same apartment where their relationship would come to an abrupt end no more than two weeks later.

There was a pain growing in Daveed's chest, which he could only imagine was a side effect of his shattered heart attempting to continue beating. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He already knew it was Rafa before he even looked at the screen and answered the call.

“Hey man!” Rafa's cheery voice burst through the speaker and Daveed pulled the phone back from his ear, not having expected the volume of his friend’s voice or the questionable Cotton Eyed Joe remix in the background. “Where'd you go? I got a couple girls here that were looking forward to meeting you!”

“Yeah, I... I'm meeting Oak early tomorrow, got some magazine the cast is doing a shoot for.” In his own defense, Daveed wasn't lying. There was a photo shoot and he was meeting Oak in the morning but that wasn't the reason he'd left.

If Rafa knew his friend was evading the truth, he thankfully kept it to himself. “Ah, so the princess needs her beauty sleep? Your loss, man.”

“Yeah, yeah. Stop wasting your time on me and go enjoy yourself.”

“Have fun with your face masks and beauty creams! Oh, and Daveed?”

“Yeah?”

“Don't try shaving yourself tomorrow, leave it to the professionals. Don't want any nasty cuts on that precious face.”

Having hung up, Daveed carelessly flung his phone down on to the couch and watched it bounce once before laying flat on it's screen. The walls of the apartment were beginning to suffocate him, so much unfilled and unused space now suddenly feeling like it was caging him in, mocking him, taunting him with every echo of his own breathing that bounced off the walls. There was an itching in his lungs and his fingers had began to fiddle with themselves.

Daveed wasn't a particularly anxious person. Yet, anxiety was swelling in his throat and he ashamedly knew why. With his head hung low, Daveed blindly reached for the square packet and the cylinder lighter and headed straight for the balcony door. Opening it, he allowed the outside world to infiltrate his senses once more and it stole away some of his loneliness. The noise and lights and traffic were all a sign of life beyond his own, evidence that he wasn't truly alone in the world. Any loneliness he faced was product of his own creation, an isolation he'd comfortably settled with.

He hadn't put his whole life on pause. No, Daveed wasn't that careless. He woke up every morning and walked out the front door, prepared to face the day with as earnest of a smile as possible. He'd laugh with friends, speak with fans, give his all in his performances. But the feeling of longing would never truly leave him. Rafa could see it, most of the Hamilton cast too. They all knew there was an unspoken part of Daveed that was in denial of her absence. They could see it in the way his eyes never lingered much on beautiful women; in the way he kept her picture in his dressing room; in the way he still carried his part of their matching keyrings. But, what else could they do other than be there for him? She'd walked out with his lifeline and had left nothing but a Daveed shaped shell, hollow and devoid of life, just waiting for the day she walked back into his arms. He was pathetic. Foolish. Selfdestructive.

And so painfully in love with Y/N, even though it no longer seemed fair to feel that way.

The metal handrail was cold to the touch as he let his hands run over it, his eyes gazing down at the active nightlife below. His hands robotically opened the packet and out of it he pulled a cigarette. The nicotine stick found itself resting between his plush lips. The lighter was sparked up, the cigarette set a light and an inhalation of sweet smoke was taken. He'd always felt smoking alone was one of the most solemn of experiences. A couple more drags were taken before he became fixated with the lighter in his hand. He lit it up just to watch the flame dance, not a care in the world for the wasted lighter fluid. It didn't take much longer for his treacherous mind to drift towards the empty lighter inside his sock drawer and, most importantly, the memories attached to it.

A younger Daveed, freshly off stage and with sweat drying into his skin, had pushed past the drunken messes and the grinding pairs to escape for a breath of fresh air and a cigarette. Standing up in front of a crowd was a thrill, truly, but Daveed was still shy at his core and the hyperawareness of his own performance brought on a stress only nicotine could soothe.

The exit had taken him out into a back alley. The bass of whatever song was playing indoors could still be felt but the street was thankfully pretty calm, no one else there but another smoker and a couple making out further down from the door. A few steps out into the alley and he stopped, bending his right leg at the knee to perch his foot back against the brick wall as his hands occupied themselves fishing out a cigarette.

“Shit.” A curse escaped him as the realization hit that he'd forgotten to bring a lighter with him. He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and huffed, a hand running through his curls. Maybe he wouldn't be getting that stress reliever that evening after all.

“Need a light?” Daveed nearly jumped at the unexpected voice, his foot slipping off of the wall and his back straightening. When his eyes landed on a girl, who was wrapped up in an oversized jacket and had her arm outstretched with a blue lighter dangling between her fingers, he was certain she hadn't been there when he'd stepped outside. Egotistically, he wondered if she'd perhaps followed him. Stupidly, he wished she had.

Daveed caught himself before he could stare at her for too long, reluctantly pulling his eyes away from her face down to the lighter she was still offering. With gratitude, he took it from her grasp and put it to good use. Seconds later, his lungs were filling with poison and his face with relief. Turning his attention back to her, he found the girl already staring at him. Unlike most, she didn't avert her gaze in shame of being caught. She only focused more intently on him, a ghost of a smile presenting itself on her features. “Thanks, uh, pretty lucky you came out here.”

“If you want to label me following you as luck, then sure.” The calmness of her voice, the way she shrugged so nonchalantly, the way her side was resting up against the wall and her eyes were shamelessly trailing over him were a hypnotic mixture strong enough for Daveed to nearly miss the words she'd spoke. Had he missheard or had she actually followed him? Freaked out would be the normal response. Flattery is what took it's place in Daveed, though. “That was quite a performance, very... lively.”

“Yeah,” A chuckle escaped him and his free hand shot up to rub the back of his neck. “that was one of our tamer crowds, believe it or not. Glad you enjoyed it.”

“I never said I enjoyed it.” The smile had slipped from her face, visually punctuating her words. Then, much to Daveed's relief, she broke out in a fit of giggles and the friendliness in her voice had returned. “I'm only messing! You were amazing but, honestly, the other two of your group are the unsung heroes. They really held it down.”

Daveed wasn't about to deny her statement, knowing fine well just how vital the two men were to him. If he were the ink, they were the paper he wrote on and the pen that encapsulated him. Her praise for them only made Daveed enjoy her company more.

From there, the two continued to partake in casual conversation: her asking about how long clipping. had been a thing, him asking her about her studies and the cold air of the night slowly urging the two to stand closer and closer and closer. There was laughter in the air and comfort in their bones, almost as if the two had been lifelong friends catching up and not two strangers meeting in a back alley. Daveed had long finished his cigarette and he knew his friends would be wondering where he'd disappeared to but he wasn't ready to walk away from the conversation, from her, and so out he pulled another, perching it between his lips. He hadn't had the chance to ask for her lighter, she'd beat him to it and sparked it up. He bent at the knee a little as he leaned down, both of them sharing eye contact whilst she held the flame to it. This time around, Daveed offered the cigarette packet out to her, hoping to repay her in some way.

“I don't smoke, but thanks.”

“You don't smoke, but you carry around a lighter?” His head tilted off to the side and a cheeky grin overtook his face. “You're kinda weird.”

“And you're a charmer, aren't you?” She rebutted, though no offence was really taken. “You're not the only smoker who forgets to bring a lighter. My boyfriend has a habit of doing it, so I carry one around for him.”

The window of hope inside of his mind was shattered by one simple word. Boyfriend. Of course she was taken. She was the kind of girl who you met in the morning and were in love with come the evening.

“Anyways,” Her voice interrupted his disappointment. “you distracted me from the reason I followed you out here!”

“Yeah? And what reason was that?”

“My friend thinks you're hot. Well, no, actually, I believe the exact words she used were "If he can rap that fast, I wonder what else he can do with his tongue. I don't usually climb trees but I could make an exception if the tree looks like him."” She'd used air quotes to signal just what her friend had said and, for the first time since the two had met, Daveed felt bashful. He hadn't expected her to say such a thing, even if it was just mimicking her friend.

“And you wouldn't happen to be this friend?” Daveed teased.

“I prefer my men on the shorter side, thank you very much." Her tongue darted out at him and he laughed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had someone stick their tongue out as an insult. Maybe in third grade? "My friend wants your number, though. And also wanted me to subtly convince you to invite us to come sit at your table but I'm really too tired to be subtle so, please just invite us.”

They'd returned inside not too long after, together, and off she'd gone to grab her friend to drag her over to Daveed's table. And while her friend was beautiful and flirting with Daveed the whole night, he found himself staring over at the girl from the alley every chance he got. He'd watched her do shots with Jonathan, watched as she and Rafa competed in a thumb war, watched as she'd knocked back a shot as her forfeit for losing. At some point in the night, Daveed had asked for her name and, at another point, she'd told him it was Y/N. And when he finally stumbled back into his own bed that night, his eyes staring up at his ceiling as he flipped the blue lighter in his hand, he thought of her.

Wetness dropped onto his hand and tore Daveed away from the memory playing on repeat in his mind. A single tear sat atop his hand and, in the other, a finished cigarette. Stubbing it out, he dropped the bud into a nearby ashtray and centered himself. Tears stung at his eyes and his breath was shaky but he was determined to push through and talk himself out of a full on breakdown.

Hours later, when sleep was finally coming for him and the warmth of his duvets embraced him instead of her arms, his wandering hands reached deep inside his drawer and pulled out the blue lighter as his eyes slipped shut and his mind drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

A blaring song and a loud buzzing noise woke Daveed up in a startle. He sat up, eyes still half shut and the duvet slipping down his naked chest. The noise persisted and he realized it was his own ringtone, playing from the pocket of his discarded jeans. He cursed under his breath when he stepped out of the bed, his foot landing on something uncomfortable before eventually meeting the soft carpet and giving him the leverage to reach the bottom of his trousers, dragging them over to find his phone screen lit up with Oak's name painted across the screen.

“What do you want?” Daveed was never a morning person and had no shame in this, especially when his sleep was interrupted.

“Good morning Oak! How are you? Oh I'm fine Daveed, how are you?” The overly chipper voice of Okieriete birthed a groan out of Daveed as he dropped back onto the bed behind him.

“It's too early for this, dude.”

“It's ten minutes away from being noon!”

“I rest my case.”

“C'mon man, we were supposed to be catching a ride together to head to the shoot. Now our car is ten minutes away and I arrive at your doorstep to find you're not even awake, never mind ready.” Oak's words were followed by a series of knocks, which Daveed could hear through the phone but also coming faintly from outside his bedroom.

“Shit.” Realizing that, amidst the flurry of pity and nicotine, he'd forgotten to set his alarm, Daveed begrudgingly pulled himself out of bed, tired legs with muscles stiff from sleep carrying him all the way over to the front door of his apartment, all the while Oak berated him over the phone and knocked away at the wood. Twisting the keys, Daveed pulled the door open at last and found Oak stood there, fist raised in mid knock.

“You look like shit.” Oak proceeded to brush past him and, after closing his front door again, Daveed followed the man to find him with his hand knuckle deep in a tub of peanut butter.

“Please, make yourself at home.” It was no more than a mutter under his breath but Oak had heard it and responded with a peanut butter coated middle finger.

The crappy coffee maker was switched on and Daveed went back into the messy bedroom. He'd just pulled some sweatpants over his legs when he heard Oak calling out to him from the kitchen. Slipping one of his t-shirts on, from his ever growing collection of Oakland attire, he made his way back over to the man and the freshly brewed coffee- which, without a doubt, was not going to be warm enough nor sweet enough- only to find his friend had abandoned the jar of peanut spread and instead was flicking through his mail. Despite this, a sip of underwhelming caffeine was more of a priority than questioning Oak.

“Who's Raquel and why is she inviting you to her wedding?” Now that, that was certainly more important than coffee.

Dropping his mug back onto the counter with almost enough force to shatter it, Daveed dove forward and ripped the envelope out of Oak's hands. Just like he'd said, inside of it was a wedding invitation from one Raquel Castro. The very same girl who'd once sent her friend to ask for his number. The very same girl who'd helped him plan out his first date with her best friend. The very same girl who'd been sneakily finding out what Y/N's ring size was only two months before his world came crashing down.

Given the memories he'd recalled the night before, part of Daveed couldn't help but think this invitation was more than a simple coincidence. A week after the break up, Raquel had called him. She'd been angry and accusatory with her words but it stemmed from her own confusion and inability to comprehend why things had ended so hastily between him and Y/N. Daveed couldn't understand it himself either. The call had ended up being the first thing to make him smile in his new found singleness. The two had maintained frequent contact from there on out, casual texts sent between them both just around once every month, Raquel had even taken a trip into New York with her fiancé and stopped by one of the Hamilton performances. But this invite, it had to be some sort of sign from the universe, a sign involving Y/N. Unfortunately, Daveed had not a single clue how to interpret this sign.

It took him a total of nine days to RSVP for the ceremony, playing out the pros and cons of his attendance. The fact Y/N would likely be there was the only pro that was also a con, and vice versa. Maybe he'd find some closure or, at the very least, answers to the questions he'd had on his mind since the day she'd slammed the door shut on their love. More likely, he'd spend the whole night alone at the singles table, nursing some old whiskey and watching her dance the night away in another man's arms.

January, 2016

This time, the DJ seemed to be enamored with some niche European techno music and Lin, a sweating mess on the relatively small dance floor, had become his number one fan. Next to the dancing maniac were the so called Schuyler Sisters, Jasmine and Reneé were busy taking turns dancing with the long haired man whilst Phillipa was losing herself in laughter between videoing the lot of them. Scattered along the club were the rest of the cast and crew. In fact, most of the people Daveed held closest to him were there, all banding together to celebrate something they had in common: him.

For them, it was the celebration of his 34th birthday. For him, it was a pity party for his 2nd birthday in a row without Y/N by his side.

He'd made a vow to not be bitter that night and focus on being grateful for what and who he did have in his life. Thus far, he'd done a good job. For the first night out in months, Daveed hadn't spent the night sat at the bar alone. He'd danced with friends and done shots with strangers and flirted with beautiful women. But it was hard to ignore the elephant in the room. All of his friends were there with their significant others whilst he was there with his bottle of champagne.

Tilting the bottle back, Daveed welcomed the bubbled drink in and gulped several times before dropping it back onto one of the many tables they'd all occupied. Just as he made the decision to stop thinking about her, destiny or the universe or whatever higher being was out there decided it was time for his birthday present.

He could hear the group of girls long before he could see them. A ruckus of screeching and slurred words was approaching and, from the neon bracelets and the sashes draped across scantily clad chests, it was clear as day to him that a bridal party had just entered the building, and they were far from subtle.

His curious eyes found themselves scanning over each girl of the bridal party as they filtered their way over to the other side of the VIP lounge. They were a sea of nameless faces, hooting and cheering like a bunch of frat guys on a night out and, as easy as it would be to find them irritating, Daveed couldn't help but chuckle and enjoy the fact that other people were having a great night. Until his eyes drifted to the back of the group.

At first, it just felt like a coincidence. A dress, laced with familiarity and the color red, which he was sure he'd seen before. But, then again, there were tons of red dresses in the world. Then, the girl looked up from her phone and Daveed felt the wind get knocked out from beneath his feet. Clinging to the table in front of him for support, he watched her smile at her friend.

It was the kind of smile he used to pull from her, whilst they were both spread out on each end of the sofa and a terribly romantic movie playing in the background of their happiness. He'd cheesily recite lines from the movie to her and revel in the way he could still make her blush, even if she hid it with a cringe. And when he'd agree to stop, he'd always tell her he loved her. No cheesy lines, no big words or unrealistic speeches that took place in airports. Just a flat out, honest, sincere “I love you”. Y/N would just smile and he'd already know she loved him back, no words needed.

“Wow buddy, you alright there?” The distinguishable voice of Anthony Ramos cut through Daveed's reminiscing yet his eyes never left her. He was frozen in time, hyper focused on each gesture she made. Most of all, he was desperately trying to spot the ring on her finger. “You look like you've seen a ghost.”

Daveed bit back a comment about the ghost being from his past, of a life he could have had. Grabbing a half filled shot glass, he threw it’s contents down his throat, not even grimacing as the liquor stung his nerves. “I'm great. Just tired. S'been a long day, y'know?” His words were a little more unsteady and slurred than he would have preferred but Daveed was sure he'd sounded convincing enough.

“Shots! Shots! Shots!” Anthony chanted enthusiastically over the music, gaining a few glares and side-eye glances from surrounding tables. He truly was the human equivalent of a beagle: energetic, kinda short, great with kids. “Let's go do some! Shots always work great if you're feeling tired.”

“How 'bout you go order us some then, Ant?” Daveed said, at last tearing his eyes away from Y/N and her red dress. “I'm just... Gonna go to the bathroom real quick.”

Daveed would have felt bad for lying to Anthony, he really would have, but he just needed a breath of fresh air. And maybe a dose of poison in his lungs. Out of everyday in which he could have ended up in the same city, in the same club, in the same section as Y/N, of course it had to be the night he'd sworn off thinking about her. How cruel fate seemed to him, not allowing him a break from sorrow.

The January air had a chill to it when it embraced Daveed as he stepped out on to the small balcony, which was really just a metal enclosure that looked as if it was violating some kind of health and safety code. The club music was still audible but it was playing in sync with noise of the city. A siren was ringing in some distance. He placed his vice between his lips, ready to light it up when-

“What's the birthday boy doing out here all alone? Not throwing a pity party, I hope.”

Daveed jolted and watched as the cigarette, now having slipped out of his mouth, fell to the balcony floor and dropped through the metal caging. Biting back a curse, he finally noticed the black satin and a familiar head of blonde hair. She hadn't changed much since the last time he'd seen her. Yet again, it hadn't been long since she'd come to see Hamilton. “Raquel!” His enthusiasm was honest, as was the care he put into the hug he pulled her into.

“If only everyone was this excited to see me, the world would be a better place.” Raquel exclaimed, drawing back from his embrace and cautiously leaning against the handrail, tilting her head down as she looked over the edge. “Didn't mean to startle you, sorry.” A sheepish smile appeared. “But, hey, at least Y/N can no longer claim that I enable your smoking!”

Daveed realized then and there that it was no coincidence that Raquel had come up to him. Sure, it was his birthday, and sure, they were friends. But Daveed had been blatantly staring at his ex, her best friend, and clearly he'd been caught. If if weren't for the calming nature of her voice or the way she looked at him with equal amounts of kindness and pity, Daveed would have walked away from the conversation before it could even begin. But, it was too late now.

“Remember that trip we all took to Cancún? Where she threw the cigarettes you bought me in the bin?” For the first time, Daveed was sharing memories of her with someone else. For months, his reminiscing had been silent, not unnoticed but not shared either. It was almost like he'd been in mourning for so long and, now, he was finally ready to start celebrating the life he'd lost.

“How could I forget? She still owes me ten dollars.” Raquel laughed and he followed, even if he didn't find any humor in their conversation. His was an empty laugh. “Oh! Right! I actually needed to talk to you about something!”

“I'm all ears.”

“It's about the catering at the wedding. I know you're Jewish but I can't remember if you're kosher. Just in case you want us to mark anything non-kosher at the reception.”

“Ah,” Daveed nodded, silently appreciating that she'd even taking the time to ask him. “Don't worry, I'm not that strict about it. Honestly. Thanks for asking though.” By then he'd drawn and lit a cigarette, this time managing to not drop it. He let his eyes scan over her and he found himself unable to stop the small smile which took over his face at the sight of her bridal party wear. “The wedding isn't until August, isn't it a bit early to start up the bachelorette party?”

“This isn't my party, Diggs.” She rebutted, bumping his shoulder with her own as she stole a sip from her champagne flute. “It's a friend of mine's. That's actually why we're in New York.”

They didn't need to define who we was referring to, Daveed knew it was Y/N. If it were even possible, his heart stuttered over a beat. The question was at the tip of his tongue, longing for him to just get it over with. Rip the band-aid off, open up his wound and let it bleed out. Is it her wedding? Somehow, the answer seemed scarier than the question. “Seems everyone's getting married off then, huh?” Like a coward, he never asked.

“What about you, mister Broadway? Any lucky lady in your life?” Surely she knew the answer, considering he hadn't added a plus one on to his wedding reservation.

“No, uh, been too busy. Shows 'n stuff, y'know?” He said, not even convincing himself of his own excuses. And, from the pitiful look she was giving him and the hand she'd placed on his forearm, Raquel wasn't believing him either.

“Have you talked to her, at all? Since things ended between you guys...” She paused, as if searching for the right way to word things. “I just think you guys at least deserve some closure. Your relationship didn't even properly come to an end. One day, you guys were together, the next, well, you were over. Two years of building a life together can't just stop all of a sudden.” Daveed remained silent and Raquel took this as a sign to keep talking. “Sorry if you think it's not my place to say all this. I've been trying to tell her for months now to talk to you but she just won't listen. Not even when we came to your show.”

That had spiked his attention and his eyes widened. His show. The theater. Hamilton. She'd been there, somewhere in the mass of the audience. In anger, he wished he'd spotted her. In pain, he wished she'd have let him know. Now here was their friend, her friend, asking him to talk to her and get closure for them both. Even if it hurt him to think that Y/N was suffering, it hurt him more to think of them truly being over. And that's exactly what closure meant. The end of things. Daveed wasn't ready for her to become a part of his past yet. Besides, last time he'd seen her, Y/N seemed to be doing just fine, with or without closure.

Both of his hands were full from the tray of beverages in to-go cups he'd been sent to purchase for the cast, meaning Daveed had to shoulder his way out of the corner cafe, all the while cursing the fact he'd ever agreed to take part in the childish game of rock, paper, scissors. He'd drawn rock and wound up losing to the rest of the cast's papers. Laughter had echoed as he walked out the theater with a list of everyone's order.

A frustrated sigh escaped Daveed as he lowered the trays onto an outdoor table. Sitting unevenly on the pavement, the table wobbled. Those short three seconds had Daveed near crippled in panic as he watched the drinks shake, some almost toppling over completely. Luckily, they all stayed up right and he wasn't about to find himself buying a whole new order.

“C'mon, c'mon, hurry up.” He muttered under his breath, fingers drumming against the side of his legs, eyes staring down the street with a desperation to spot the familiar face of a fellow Hamilton cast member. He'd texted the group-chat just about ten minutes ago, someone should have been on their way to help him carry the order back.

The blaring of a horn had Daveed looking up from his phone screen. An elderly man was cursing out some taxi driver as he crossed the road, stick waving in the air as unfiltered words fell from his lips. Maybe, if Daveed hadn't stared at the scene before him for so long, he would have never noticed the jewelers directly across the street from him.

Maybe he would have never noticed a man and woman inside the store. Him, with his arm around her shoulder, and her, with her eyes fixated on the display of rings in front of her, and both with smiles brighter than any collapsing star. He watched, throat dry and limbs heavy, as the attendant in the store helped the woman slide on the ring. The engagement ring. She nodded, just one nod, and that's all it took for Daveed's world to implode. Of course, the couple were completely unaware of the heartbreak they were causing as they waited for the ring to be wrapped and bagged. The man had eagerly pulled out his credit card, as if he couldn't wait a second longer to purchase it, and the woman welcomed the bag into her waiting hands, like she was desperate to return the ring to it's rightful home: her left ring finger.

It was selfish, Daveed knew that, but he'd been hoping Y/N was just as torn up by their break up as he still was.

Instead, she was engaged. To another man, another future.

“There you are! God, this place was further than I expected.” Daveed turned his head to see one of the ensemble members, Ariana, approaching him. She smiled and he done his best to return the gesture. “Alright, what ones am I carrying?”

“Oh. Uh,” He blindly grabbed two of the sets of drinks, offering them to her. “these ones. I got the rest.”

“Okay! Let's go, pretty sure poor Leslie is gonna pass out from exhaustion if he doesn't get his dose of coffee soon.” Daveed hesitated following her and, instead, stared back over at the other side of the street. He found the store was now empty of customers and Y/N was no longer there. “Hello? Earth to Daveed!”

“Huh?”

“You okay there? You were just staring off into space for like, 2 minutes.”

“Yeah. Yes.” He swallowed the ball of emotion pent up in his throat and walked over to her, ignoring the little voice in his head telling him to look back. It just wanted to torture him some more. “Just,” He sighed. “thought I saw someone.”

“If she doesn't want to talk, then there's no reason for me to do it. Maybe it's just better for us both if we keep to ourselves.” The reality was that Daveed didn't think he'd be able to get through talking to her even if she did want to speak about it. Not when he'd spend the whole time staring at her hands, at the rock resting on her finger, at the pledge of love and fidelity she'd given to someone else. “So, how's wedding planning been treating you? You excited to just get it over with?”

“A hundred percent!” Raquel laughed and he relaxed, thankful for the fact she'd let him change the topic of conversation. “Don't get me wrong, some of the planning has been fun. Cake tasting? I highly recommend it. And I've got her learning salsa for our first dance. But, yeah, venue planning and the cost of it all has been a bit of a bummer. I'll be glad to never have to do that again.”

“Salsa? Great choice, bring a little flavor into the whole traditional wedding dancing.”

“Yeah! Fuck swaying side to side awkwardly, I'm putting on a performance! It's been a messy journey, planning everything. Even just something as simple as seating arrangements, who the hell knew it was such a process to organize all that crap?” She threw her hands up, the remainder of her champagne sloshing inside of the glass. “But it'll be worth it when I walk down the aisle with her. We're gonna put all other brides to shame in our dresses. Shit, sorry, all I talk about recently is the wedding! You can tell me to stop if you want.”

“It's fine, no worries. You're happy, it's nice.” He felt a tug at his heartstrings all of a sudden, very aware of the fact of how much had changed since the two had first met. It really did fill him with joy to see her so happy. “You deserve it, Kelly.”

“You know I hate being called that, David.” The two old friends laughed in unison after she lightly kicked him with her heeled foot, not even hard enough to leave a scuff on his jeans. “It's crazy, you know, that just about four years ago I was trying to get in your pants. And now I'm a few months away from getting married! To the love of my life! I mean, she's honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me, D, you have no idea.”

He had an idea and it was somewhere else inside the busy club, wrapped in red and the familiar scent of coconut- it had always been her favorite - but he wasn't sure he was allowed to speak about her like Raquel spoke about her fiancé. That was reserved for someone else now. He also held back on pointing out the pitiful fact that it seemed people who pursued him would wind up engaged afterwards.

At some point, they both went their separate ways, back to their respective groups. Daveed eventually threw caution to the wind, a fresh wound on his soul after having seen Y/N urging him on. Every drink he was handed ended up down his throat and, somehow, Lin managed to rope him into dancing to the shitty music with him. They all danced, cramped together in the limited space like canned tuna. When the last song was played, when the last drink had been poured, when the last cab had been hailed, a very intoxicated Daveed found himself stumbling into the apartment of a stranger wrapped in red. The fact she smelt like sweat and lavender was the only downside.

If he hadn't drank so much or gotten so reckless and careless, perhaps his phone wouldn't have been left abandoned among glitter and emptied glasses in the deserted club, it's screen lit up with two notifications:

00:49 am (+81) 03-3***-****: happy birthday, d. i'm glad to see you're having a fun night!

02:18 am (+81) 03-3***-****: you're wearing my favorite shirt of yours.

August, 2016

The sun setting over the horizon burned at Daveed's tired eyes as he stepped off the plane, thankful to be home yet dreading the next day. The whole flight over he'd practically gone through the works of all possible emotions he could feel towards his impending future. Excited, saddened, nervous, happy, frustrated, nervous again. Every possible scenario had played through his mind, ones where the two did not speak, others were they done nothing but speak and one, shamefully, where they done something but it was not speaking.

The wedding was one sleep away and he was no more prepared to be in such close proximity of Y/N than he had been the night of the club or the day on the sidewalk.

His dad had picked him up from the airport, lending him a hand with his limited luggage and pulling his cherished son into a warm hug. The whole drive back to his father's home had been filled with playing catch up, Daveed sharing stories of his cast mates and his father telling him about his new hobby of coaching a local junior basketball team. Daveed was grateful for his dad not asking about Y/N. If it had been his mother, all intentions pure and caring, she would have began to question him on the matter the second he was strapped in to his seat and unable to escape.

His parents had always liked Y/N, that was for sure. And, while it had been a blessing during their relationship to see his mother dote over her like she were her own daughter or to witness her beat his dad at guitar hero, it had become a curse when things had ended. The way things ended did not make matters any better. His own mother had given Daveed the silent treatment for a whole two days after he explained to her how things had gone down.

He fell asleep that night, his bag opened yet not unpacked, in the guest bedroom of his father's home. A belly full of pizza and beer, mind full of worry and doubt.

Hours later, after a shower, a shave and a shit ton of stressing as he pulled on his suit, Daveed found himself parked outside the venue. Finding a parking space had been stressful enough but it was nothing compared to the on-going battle between him and his crooked tie. It had only hit him that morning just how long it had been since he'd had to tie his own tie, too accustomed to his new normal of having a stylist dress him for most formal occasions. Before that, he'd had Y/N.

A few months into their relationship, when he finally felt confident enough to meet her parents, she'd went out of her way to learn exactly how to tie a tie and she'd wordlessly done it for him that evening, his hands too shaky and his nerves too on edge. From there onward, he'd purposefully mess up only to have her stand so close, where he could comfortably lay his hand to rest on her lower back as she worked away at sorting the piece of cloth around his neck.

“That's as good as it's gonna get.” The quiet of his car was filled with his disappointed voice as the less crooked tie stared back at him through the rear view mirror. Despite his words, he gave it one last tug and stepped out of the car.

He hadn't expected to be recognized by so many familiar faces. He probably should have expected some though, these were people who'd been friends to him once upon a time ago. To add tension to an already tense situation, everyone that felt the need to come up to him was dancing around the fact things had ended between him and Y/N and that was why they'd stopped talking to him.

“It's been so long since I've seen you! I've just been swamped with work, you know? And, New York! You were on Broadway. How's Broadway? Must be exciting to be on Broadway!” They'd all have the same excuses to avoid the obvious: they were Y/N's friends first and they'd be hers till the end.

Daveed wished he believed it when he told himself he didn't mind that.

The venue of the ceremony was breathtakingly beautiful and, now sat among (luckily) unfamiliar faces, Daveed took the chance to fully appreciate the scenery.

It was being held within a greenhouse, and in almost every inch of the place there was a strike of greenery. The surrounding walls were made up solely of glass windows, serving as a source of natural light. At the end of the aisle, where the exchanging of vows, crying of happy tears and giving of rings would be taking place, was a beautiful water display, with water so fresh looking it appeared drinkable. And the air? It was smothered in the scent of life: blossoming buds and flourishing flowers and ripening fruits. Splashes of red and yellow, of blue and lilac, of pink and orange effortlessly added more class and detail into the green venue.

If the venue was breathtaking, the ceremony was heartbreakingly tender.

The two teary eyed brides had walked down the aisle with the person they'd chosen to give them away and, by the time they were both facing each other at the makeshift altar, Daveed could already see a stray tear falling down Raquel's cheek. At that, he smiled. And stayed smiling throughout the whole ceremony. Until it came to Raquel's vows. At some point in her big proclamation of love, she began speaking about how her and her bride had first met, about how she hadn't even realized she was being hit on by her and how, when she was asked for her number, Raquel thought she'd just wanted to be friends. She spoke of how two dear friends of her's told her she was being asked out on a date, not just to hang out as friends.

For the first time during the ceremony, Daveed finally looked directly at where Y/N stood in front of the other bridesmaids. He watched as a stray tear slid down her cheek, one she quickly tried to brush away, and her hands tightened around the bouquet they were wrapped around. His own eyes were welling up with tears in just a few seconds. While they weren't the only two in the room carrying tears in their eyes, they were the only two who's tears were made up of missed chances and broken promises and pure, untamed sadness. After all, they’d been there to witness the first meeting of the brides. They’d been together then and now, they were further apart than the stars above.

He'd told himself he'd just steal one last glance at her, remember her as she was next to the altar, all dressed up and looking beautiful albeit sad. His eyes lifted. And there was Y/N staring right back at him, a couple more tears already having fallen from her eyes. The eye contact never wavered between them both and, for the first time in a while, Daveed felt like he was actually being seen for who he really was. And when she smiled, he fell apart.

A tear finally escaped it's cage but Daveed made no attempt to wipe it away.

One luxurious meal later, and quite a few drinks from the open bar, Daveed sat in the very same situation he'd predicted. At the singles table- which was pretty depressing given who his company for the evening was -, with some girl he'd met about an hour ago talking his ears off about her job which he hadn't even asked about, a drink he’d been nursing for half an hour in his hand and his eyes hyper-focused on the dance floor. Taking another sip, he drowned out the stranger’s voice and watched how Y/N laughed at something her dance partner had whispered in her ear.

This was how Daveed had chosen to enjoy the reception: playing a game of “Guess Who’s Marrying The Love Of Your Life?” with every man who so much as approached her. He was thankful her duties as maid of honor kept her so busy, she’d yet to have the chance to notice his incessant watching.

Deciding he’d spotted the fiancé of his kryptonite- the man she’d been dancing with for just over twenty minutes, who she’d been sat next to during the meal, who seemed to make her laugh just as hard as Daveed once had - he pushed back his chair, straightened out the jacket of his suit and headed for his destination.

Heavy footsteps, fists clenched, breathing erratic, Daveed stepped out into the fresh air and made his way over to the concrete railing of the balcony, a balcony far more sturdy and well designed than the one he’d stumbled onto back in January.

The silence and lonesomeness wrapped themselves around Daveed like the softest, warmest blanket on a winter's eve. For the first time since he'd arrived at the wedding celebrations, he'd found a window of peace for himself to take a moment and breathe. Recalling the conversation he'd shared with Rafa before he left for the airport- in which Rafa had been hyping him up and reassuring him he'd enjoy more than regret attending -, Daveed had to admit to himself that he was proud of how he'd done so far. Maybe not in the past hour of self pity with a side of substance abuse, but other than that he'd held himself together pretty well. He'd congratulated Raquel and her official wife, even sharing a dance with both of the women; he'd rekindled friendships, once he and they managed to push past the original discomfort of not having spoken in so long; he'd met some interesting strangers with fascinating stories; he'd ate some of the most lucrative meals he'd ever tasted and bore witness to a demonstration of pure love.

He was enjoying himself.

The only thing that made the evening unpleasant was when he'd finally zeroed in on Y/N and her smile; and the way the lights were making her eyes sparkle; and the way her dress was draped over her skin effortlessly.

The alcohol was beginning to take an effect on him, his mind becoming a little resentful towards Y/N. He'd never once hated her, even if it had been she who'd called quits on them, but he couldn't help blame her now for his situation. How was it fair that she got to move on with her life while he still could barely sit in the same room as her and keep his eyes from watching her every move, her every gesture?

“Shit.” Daveed huffed out over the sound of crickets and the muffled sound of the celebratory music, just as his lighter gave up on him and decided it would not be lighting up the cigarette for him this evening.

“We need to stop meeting this way.” He hated the way the resentment left him with as little as seven words. “People are going to start calling us predictable.”

Sure enough, when Daveed spun on his heel to face the balcony doors, there she was in all her glory, arm stretched out and lighter in hand. He wondered if she carried it around for her new man. Out here, her eyes were a lot less sparkling, her dress a lot less light, her smile a lot less wide but Daveed didn't find her any less ethereal. He never did.

“Uh,” She'd cleared her throat and Daveed felt embarrassment creep in. Here she was, perfectly composed and unaffected by him, whilst he was just as nervous as the day they had their first date; the day he'd first told her he loved her; the day he asked her to move to New York. “thank you.” He plucked the lighter from her and hit the clipper.

“No problem.” She took a sip of the glass in her hand and approached him more, till they were stood in parallel, shoulders an inch away from brushing, staring off into the dark abyss of the night that lay past the grounds of the vibrant wedding. “I see you got stuck sitting next to cousin Delia. On a score of one to ten, how bad is your headache?” Why was it so easy for her to joke around with him?

“Probably a solid seven. She talks a lot but at least there's never time for awkward silence with her.” He pulled in a drag and held back a groan when not even the nicotine could untense his muscles. “The ceremony was beautiful, you must be so happy for Raquel.”

“Yeah.” She sighed dreamily, head turning back to look at the balcony door, as if she were remembering just how beautiful indoors was. “I'm so glad everything went smoothly, they were both so stressed during the planning but it turned out exactly how they wanted.”

“They're lucky to have each other.” Why couldn't he see her engagement ring? Was she hiding it from him, out of pity? Did she know he was hung up on her? Daveed had spent so many months missing her only to resent the time he was spending with her. Stood on that balcony, hardly any space between them, Y/N had never felt further away. “So, how've you been? Like, work and shit.”

“I've been... good. Yeah, good.” There was a pause and they stood in silence, her staring off into space, him staring at her face. “I took the job, in the end, so there's that. Moved to Japan, got to have some new experiences and make new friends. Tried Sashimi, realized I do not like Sashimi. Oh! I got to watch cherry blossoms bloom. Just, yeah, I've been good.” She didn't tell him what he'd wanted to hear about. “How about you?”

“I've been great. Honestly. Work has been on the up and up since the show opened on Broadway, I’ve got some acting jobs lined up. Done some photo-shoots, made more music. Every night, there was another celebrity in the crowd. I mean, the President invited us to perform in the white house. I've been great in other parts of my life too, made some incredibly interesting friends.” Is everything Daveed wishes he said.

Instead, he said this: “Awful. I've been doing shit, for a while now.”

“D.” He couldn't help but hate the fact she called him by that. “I don't think we should get into this at Raquel's weddi-”

“Then when, Y/N?” Oh, he had not meant to sound so confrontational. Unfortunately, the little voice in his head that made up his ego was enticing him to keep going. “Ten years from now? Fifty? Oh, or should we do it at your wedding? I can't put this off any longer, alright? I'm miserable and,” He tried to compose himself, eyes squeezed shut and hands shoved in pockets. “and it's your fault. So no, we're having this conversation. You don't get to just meet someone new and act like what happened between us meant nothing, whilst I'm left frozen in a time where a reality TV star isn't our President and you're mine. Ok? I need to move on but I can't if we don't get closure.”

“It's my fault? Meet someone new!?” She was using the same tone of voice she'd used that night, when the fight to end it all first broke out. “Daveed, you ended things between us, not me. Or did you forget?”

“Weird, I don't remember breaking up with a guy named Daveed and slamming the door shut on my way out.” He stepped back, dropping the wasted cigarette into an ashtray. “But I remember you doing something along those lines.”

“Well, do you remember the part where your girlfriend told you she'd just been offered her dream job and all you had to say was that you two needed to break up?”

“The job was in Tokyo!”

“Oh! So, it was okay when I made the sacrifice of moving to New York with you but you couldn't just deal with some long-distance dating?”

“What did you want me to say, Y/N?” Up until then, their voices had been rising in volume but this time Daveed was softly spoken. “I was happy for you. But I also realized how much things wouldn't work between us. Between Broadway and you being all the way in Japan and the time difference, when would there be time for us?”

“If you really want something, there's always a way.” Y/N said, resting her back against the balcony ledge. “Maybe you just didn't want us, enough.”

“You didn't have to leave though.” He followed suit, back against ledge and feet crossed. “Yeah, I messed up and said something I didn't mean out of fear of losing you, but you didn't have to take my advice and actually walk out the door.”

“How was I supposed to stay after that? It stung, D. I thought you had more faith in us. But you weren't wrong, I guess hearing you say we'd have to break up made me realize just how much the job change would really effect us both. I think we both played our part in ending things- Oh my god, I'm so sorry!” One second, Daveed had been quietly reflecting on her every word. The next, spilled champagne was seeping through his white shirt.

“It's, uh, fine. No worries. I'll just go try get this off me.”

“Let me help!”

As a man, Daveed was shocked to see just how perfectly clean and nice smelling the female restroom was. Everything seemed to sparkle in the light. He had traded leaning his back against the balcony banister for leaning it against the counter top of the sinks, his own hands wiping at his shirt with paper towels Y/N was handing him. She'd quickly and carefully dragged him into the toilets and stripped him of his suit jacket, all the while apologizing again and again for having soaked him.

Surprisingly, he didn't care.

“You can be honest with me, you know.” He glanced at her before refocusing on his shirt. They'd been talking lightly, of things that held no real value but were preferred over the discussion on the balcony. “You can tell me if you found someone new.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Nothing, really. I just, I saw you. A few months ago. You were getting fitted for an engagement ring with some man at your side.”

“Do you mean my cousin? Who was planning a proposal for his girlfriend?” He could see the amusement on her lips as she handed him another paper towel. He felt his heart rate pick up. “My turn. Why didn't you answer my text? If you were doing so bad, wouldn't you want to talk it out as soon as possible?”

“Text? What text?”

“The one I sent you on your birthday? We were in the same club but, I don't think you saw me.”

“Oh, I saw you. I think you were all I saw that night.” He instantly regretted what he said. “I mean, I lost my phone that night. Haven't seen it since.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

Silence kept them apart for the rest of the time. Eventually, Daveed decided his shirt was as dry as it was going to get. Then, he felt it. Y/N, without missing a beat, reached up and adjusted his tie. Both their breaths caught in their throats. The silence between them became tension. In a matter of seconds, everything was turned around, literally. She was hoisted up on the counter and he was stood between her spread legs, his hands on her hips and hers going back and forth between running through his hair and gripping on to his damp shirt. They were doing their best to keep quiet, swapping moaning out for heavy breathing.

Daveed was struggling to think straight, between the familiarity of her skin and the scent of coconut, it was as if they'd spent no time apart. Suddenly, anyone else he'd slept with between their break up and now hadn't really counted and this was the first time he was being touched in years.

When it was over, he was speechless and she was incapable of not speaking.

“Okay, so, um, I'll sneak out first and then you just, wait in here for five minutes. Then slip out. That way, no one has to see us both exit the bathroom together. Okay, great catching up, see you when I see you. Bye!”

By the time he came back to his senses, he was stood alone in the female bathroom, the top button of his shirt undone and his tie discarded on the floor. He shoved it into his back pocket and slipped on the jacket of his suit, not bothering to even discreetly leave the toilets. Luckily, no one noticed him.

Returning to the event hall, he instantly began his search for Y/N but he failed to spot any sign of her. Had she vanished into thin air? Had she even been there?

“If you're looking for Y/N, she just bolted out of here like the floor was on fire. Pretty sure she called a cab but you didn't hear that from me.” He turned to find Raquel staring at him, a smile on her face. “Stop wasting time on staring at me and go get her, lover boy.”

Daveed did not need to be told twice, his history with running track kicking in as he raced out of the hall. He sped down the corridor, dodging any oncoming guests before he burst out of the doors, stepping out into the fresh air. He could see her in the distance, standing with her arms around herself as she shifted from side to side.

“Y/N!” Daveed yelled out as he ran over to her. When she made no attempt to move away from him, he felt hope begin to rise in his soul. “Why'd you leave?”

“Daveed, we don't have to do this. In fact, we shouldn't do this.”

“Have coffee with me.”

“D, I don't-”

“One coffee, that's it. You can even get it in a to-go cup. Y/N, it's just coffee, I'm not asking for your hand in marriage.” He loved the way she was struggling to hold back a smile. “So, what do you say?”

August, 2020

The world from his garden felt calm, peaceful, as if everything wasn't falling to shit in the midst of all kinds of disasters.

It was the middle of the night and, no matter how hard he tried, Daveed couldn't sleep. Even after having more or less quit a few years back, he could tell there was only one thing that was going to calm his nerves. So, creeping out of bed cautiously, he'd reached into his bedside drawer and grabbed the little packet he kept hidden beneath his socks. Maybe it was just the recent times taking a toll on him, quarantine beginning to exhaust him, but Daveed had been feeling more stressed out than ever.

He sighed, one hand rubbing at the sleep in his eye and the other trying to light up his cigarette. Then, he noticed the blue plastic and a whispered “Fuck.” escaped from him. If he'd considered heading back indoors to find his functioning lighter instead of the empty one, it didn't matter because the cigarette and it's packet were plucked away from him by smaller hands.

“You shouldn't be smoking, D.”

“I know, I know, it's bad for my health. Just, a little stressed.” He welcomed the way she wrapped her arms around his waist, molding herself into his side as he wrapped his own arm around her shoulder. “Better now that you're here.”

“Hmm.” She hummed sleepily, squeezing her arms around him some more. “You're so warm. Like, a human hot-water bottle.”

“Just say I'm hot, I already know you're thinking it.” His lips rested on her forehead and the scent of coconut consumed him.

“Why did I agree to marry a man with an ego the size of the Statue Of Liberty?”

“Because that man's love for you is the size of Mount Everest.” He soothingly rubbed her back, feeling himself finally wanting to fall asleep. “Plus, he has really good hair.”

When he fell asleep that night, it was in the same way he'd fallen asleep for the past few years, and how he wanted to fall asleep every night that remained in his time alive: with her between his arms. He'd gone from being as useless, soulless as an empty lighter without her by his side to now, where he never had to worry about not being able to spark up again. He had Y/N and he wouldn't let anything change that. Not distance, time, health, anything.

#daveed diggs #daveed diggs x reader #daveed diggs drabble #daveed diggs fanfiction #daveed diggs oneshot #daveed diggs imagine #daveed diggs scenario #daveed diggs fluff #daveed diggs hamilton #daveed diggs clipping.#valwrite #daveed diggs x y/n #daveed x reader

141 notes · View notes

kaisooficrec · 4 years

Note

Hello! First time asker but longtime follower from 2014 ❤️ I love hurt/comfort so I would like to request fics where Jongin or Soo get jealous! The whole plot can revolve around it or it can just be a scene or chapter in a bigger plot/fic. Thank you!

OMG hello lovely anons!! Since 2014, that is such an honour!! We have soooo many jealous kaisoo fics, we hope this will make up for waiting so long /cries

jealous kyungsoo:

Sucker - continuation to Tempo/Heaven jgjfj bad boy soo and soft nini >>>> anything else tbh (this series has both of them jealous!!!)

Can You Handle My Cue? - Canon compliant, Smut, Fluff, Humor. THE AMOUNT OF PUNS, my lord. TaeKai went on a very platonic pool date and Kyungsoo is not having it. Until Jongin shows him just how fun pool can be and how loved he is.

is that jealousy, i see? - PWP, non AU. Kyungsoo finds a KaiStal picture on Twitter and Jongin finds his jealous boyfriend incredibly sexy.

Say my Name - Single Dad!AU, FLUFF. This one is just self-indulgent because Kyungsoo is jealous of Jongin being the first one to be called by his own little daughter. Beautiful domestic sweetness.

Confession - Fluff, College!AU. Kyungsoo receives an unexpected confession from THE Kim Jongin and enjoys getting to know him and spending time with him. Until Sehun shows up and expresses a bit too much affection for the younger. EXO OT9 so their squads are toptier.

Hearts & Empires - The Selection!AU, Modern Royalty!AU, Fluff, Angst, 26 chapters and counting. Do Kyungsoo was one of the Selected by mistake. It was against his will. He hated being in the palace and he hated the crown prince. But will he say the same when he has found himself getting jealous whenever the crown prince spends his time with the other Selected?

Secret Love Story - they’re roommates and even tho they’re bfs, ksooo doesn’t open us easily due to his past and jongin is still very patient with him. ksoo also gets jealous of jongin’s friend luhan

(Won’t You) Build Me Up - engineer!jongin and architect!soo were once best friends since childhood and then boyfriends but they broke up and then meet again when they’re older and become neighbours. kyungsoo has a project and works on a new house for jongin

Imprint - kyungsoo works in a library and sees a guy spacing out with his headphones on and then they talk. he thinks jongin has a gf who always comes with him and kyungsoo is jealous

jealous jongin:

Jongin Watches 100 Days My Prince - kgdjj inspo by soo’s drama….jealous nini and soo dressing up as a prince ;))))))

Your scent - Jongin gets jealous watching Kyungsoo kiss someone on set(Abo Au)

No one liked the green-eyed monster - Jongin is upset about kyungsoos drama and they have a bit of a falling out( there seems to be a theme with the jealous Jongin fics)

flip the switch - ABO Mechanics, smut, fluff. Kyungsoo just has a lot of affectionate friends but his alpha boyfriend does not like it.

is this how i die?(probably not) - Fluff, forced ChanSoo. Nothing new, just Jongin not understanding why he can’t be partnered with his favourite hyung in photoshoots.

Jealousy - Smut, Fuckbuddies!AU. It doesn’t matter if they argue (among other things) every time they meet, Kyungsoo is Jongin’s, and only Jongin’s.

Little Green Monster - Humor, Fluff. Jongin shouldn’t have tried to sabotage Chanyeol’s lunch for snuggling Kyungsoo to sleep, and payback didn’t have to go that hard on him.

Traces - Smut. Another one where Chanyeol annoys Jongin and awakes his territorial instincts. Kyungsoo just enjoys. *wink wink*

Yours - Married!AU, Fluff. Kyungsoo is happy to rebuild his awkward friendship with his ex-boyfriend Hyunsik but when Jongin knows, it takes even more effort.

0.4 - Married!AU, Light Angst, Oneshot. Kyungsoo doesn’t mind Jongin’s “strict” love but one day, he snaps. Whew, it escalated quickly and not in the freaky way.

When Jealousy Hits Jongin - Established RelationshipAU, Fluff, Humor, OT12. Jongin gets jealous watching *his* Kyungsoo’s interactions with the boys. I am no softie but at this point, Tao is my child.

Write Me Into Your Fiction, Hyung - Fluff, Humor, Chaptered. Jongin just wants Kyungsoo to notice him instead of obsessing over EXO M, but he’s too busy writing fanfiction. BaekSoo as bestfriends>>>

and they were rommates - Friends-to-lovers, Romance, Oneshot. Kyungsoo is set on confessing to his roommate and bestfriend Jongin after his return from a trip. What he doesn’t expect is said Jongin to have a boyfriend and him suddenly getting irrtated whenever Sehun came over for help or support.

Insidious - Non AU, Psychological Horror, side!KrisYeol. Jongin’s attraction to Kyungsoo has nothing to do with the superficiality of Kai’s fanservice with D.O. When he realizes that and discovers Kyungsoo’s crush on Chanyeol, the young boy resorts to extreme methods. Damn, that was an intense fic. Please proceed with caution.

I Am Happy When I Am With You - ABO Mechanics, Smut, Fluff. Alpha!Jongin always felt possessive towards his friend Kyungsoo but never worked up the courage to confess. It only gets worse when Omega!Kyungsoo offers to share his first heat with him. Cute idiots in love.

Off screen - jongin is jelly jelly because kyungsoo had a kiss on screen with his co-star actress :))

Can’t Stand it Babe (Gotta Have You) - office au, co-workers and friends flirt with ksoo and jongin is having none of that

have a fake bf/gf to make the other jealous:

The Friend Zone - HunHan are tired of how dense Kyungsoo is with his bestfriend!Jongin and hire Taemin to make his realize that the Eternal Friendzoned boy actually friendzoned his bestie. Humor and super gay Luhan.

To Steal You with a Kiss - Humor, Smut, side!Chanbaek. Kyungsoo and Kai are only friends with benefits but Kyungsoo wouldn’t mind feeling a little more loved. And what’s better than making Jongin jealous and fake dating his friend Ren. This is the first fic I read with a NU’EST member (Choi Minki).

both are jealous:

Miss Me - Smut, Romance. All of South Korea knows Actor!Kyungsoo for being husband material and CEO!Jongin for being one of the hottest bachelors in the country. What they don’t know is that they only have eyes for each other. (both are jealous here)

A Heart at Peace - top top! this is a good drama ad pining in one where they’re jealous without realizing that. jongin is junmyeon’s younger brother and a friend, or so kyungsoo thinks but jongin has stronger feelings towards kyungsoo than just being friends

like glass - roommates kaisoo / housemates. first they just lived together and ksoo took care of jongin very well even if jongin had a gf at that time then jongin realizes that ksoo is the best person he could ever ask for

Happy reading ~ Admin Cookie & Admin J

#kaisoo #kadi #dika #fic request #exo #r:possessive kai #r:possessive soo #j #admin cookie

80 notes · View notes

lokisasylum · 3 years

Text

writer’s tag

No one tagged me, I’m just your regular insomniac (but without caffeine this time).

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

I used to write for Yuyu Hakusho and Death Note back in the day when I finally coughed up the courage to try writing. But i don’t write for either one anymore since I left both fandoms back in 2009. Then I took a LONG break from fandoms as a whole (due the toxicity in them thanks to the pre-teens who joined afterwards to ruin them 🤢) and instead focused on this original story I had for a couple of years, but then lost interest in it since no one else was into it.

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

Currently? BTS.

3. how long have you been writing?

Y’know, i was gonna say since 2008 when I REALLY got into Death Note and opened my first deviantart account (i was 22 back then). But I’ve actually been writing roughly since I was 13. I used to carry around a large notebook with random dialogues, chapters, scenes, character datas for an original story that never quite came to life. *shrugs*

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

AO3 and sometimes on deviantart (LoKiRaseNgAn), which is also my main art account.

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

Alternative Universes, slice of life, angst with happy endings (most times >>), psychological thriller, strangers to lovers, and of course a bit of smut without plot is good.

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

I make a plan and then wing it till the end LOL. For example, I almost always start writing with the intention of writing a oneshot... and then chapter 02 happens... then chapter 03 and so on...🤷🏻‍♀️

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

BOTH, both is good.

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

I used to think 10-12 pages was THE way to go, because #1. It sets a goal/deadline, #2. Reduces the time it would take to update a story especially if its multi-chartered and #3. It helps prevent unnecessary fillers.

But lately my “endgame” is 20-22 pages long if its a Oneshot or final chapter.

[LMAO I never even did that for my Graduate School Thesis, where the “perfect/acceptable length” was 50 pages per chapter. I only ever did 25-38 and only because I set the spacing to 2.0 and would bullshit my way through the last lines 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 ]

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

For now, Lunatic High , which is 17 chapters long but missing the final one (18). So it remains Incomplete until I can finish that last chapter which I’ve had to re-write several times after the original was lost 😭😭

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

Beautiful Tragedy (soulmate au) and All or Nothing would bet the best pics because both had the exact endings I wanted for them from the start.

11. favourite request you’ve written and why?

I never get requests, so I just write whatever plot bunny’s running wild in my head at 3AM.

12. are there recurring themes in your stories?

angst, hurt/comfort, smut with a bit of humor

13. current number of wips?

*glares at File on my desktop* ...11 unpublished..and 2 multi-chapters that are missing their final chapter.

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

As per typical of a History major since college, I do TONS of research about topics of interest. Especially if Historic events take place (like in Forever, You Said where I did a year of research on the Joseon Dynasty back in late 1600s up until what was going on in the world before, during and after World War II)

I’ve never noticed this, but some of my readers describe my writing as “poetic”, “realistic” to a point where they question reality and emotional.

I unconsciously tie events, phrases, moments between characters and the end result makes it seem like it was all planned from the start (this happens a lot between VMIN).

15. a quote you like from a published story.

" Most fairy-tales make you believe that there is such a thing as “forever”, but in reality kingdoms fall, buildings turn to ruble, words fade, bodies decay and turn to dust. Nothing ever lasts. Not even love.” -- [Forever, You Said. Chapter 03: “A Blackened Soul”]

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

[This one’s fron a Yoonmin Police AU titled “Red Cold River” ]

“It hurt... it always does, but I know he's hurting more. So I don't tell him anything, for I too hold on to the same fear as he. That one day his obsession to solve "the one case" will take him away from me. That next time it'll be his body we have to identify on the cold steel bed in the morgue and I won't be able to stand it.

That in the end I’ll become just like him; bitter and plagued by regrets.”

17. a space for you to say something to your readers.

Thank you for reading my stories and for the Kudos or Comments. I always read each one and keep them close to my heart to motivate me into writing more. But I’m also sad and very sorry that I haven’t written anything since 2 years ago.

You guys prolly see me online all the time cracking jokes, recommending new music or making shady comments always aimed towards idiots and antis, but IRL its been rough on my end with chronic illnesses I rather not speak off to avoid sounding like I'm throwing a pity party. Also struggling to find a new job since I lost my old one over 4 years ago (they keep saying its cause i'm "overqualified" but I just call it bullshit and people being too lazy to teach someone new) and with this fucking pandemic that won't go away only adds more frustration on the daily basis.

But just now that I haven’t given up on writing and I haven’t given up on either Lunatic High nor Forever You Said.

18. Tag?

Anyone who’s read it this far is tagged.

#tag #tag meme #tag quiz #bts #bts fics #bts fanfics

3 notes · View notes

spnfanficpond · 4 years

Text

June 2020 Angel Fish Awards

(New Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle @mrswhozeewhatsis or Mana @manawhaat to check and make sure we got your submission.

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE JUNE’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nonimated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

I Thought You Were Going To Die (oneshot) by @fun-and-fandoms

My nominations for the month wouldn’t be complete without a little bit of angst. Though this one isn’t just that. If you’re easily triggered by mentions of depression and its symptoms, this one’s not for you. But it’s an important topic and I will always encourage any creator who uses their art to remind people it’s okay to talk about it. (Note from Kale, this was actually submitted in May but I missed it.)

More to Me (oneshot) by @becs-bunker

No spoilers, but I’m so glad this ended the way it did. So sweet <3

Help (oneshot) by @blushingjared

I came across this fic and was immediately intrigued. Then I started reading and I was captivated from the first sentence until the very last. The author did such a good job with setting the scene and painting the right picture.

Talking Bodies (oneshot) by @ne-gans

This AU-Sam is such a huge weakness of mine. That, in combination with this dangerously filthy masterpiece, is nothing short of perfection.

Nominated by @focusonspn

Into The Woods (series) by @amanda-teaches

So well written, interesting plot and great development. The chemistry between Y/N and Dean is also amazing, and I loved how this mini-series could be so easily part of the show. Totally worth reading.

Nominated by @thoughtslikeamindfield

Stranger Than FanFiction (series) by @cherry3point14

The premise is similar to the film Stranger Than Fiction – a story about a story being written about you – and it’s just as hilarious. Also, Cherry Pie is still one of the funniest writers in this corner of SPN fandom.

“You’re not supposed to move your head if there’s someone trying to murder you, probably…”

No, I wouldn’t think so, but lollllll

“You’re being insane, out loud.”

Omgggg

“It tried, oh, how the door tried to divert her attention from the unknown men who could be terrible, rule-breaking influences on her. However the door was only wood and she was a stubborn woman made of free will and limbs—a woman who refused to be deceived.”

“Your hand is on the doorknob before the mention of your limbs has finished rattling around your head. Realistically you don’t want to encourage the voice by doing what it says. After all, the voice’s ultimate goal seems to be killing you.”

BAHAHAHAH omfg you guys

I need to stop quoting from this bc I probably seem insane to those of you who haven’t read this, so stop being judgy buttheads and go read!

Nominated by @flamencodiva

The Choice (series) by @superfanficnatural

A couple of things. 1) this is an amazing fic that highlights Dean unwillingness to let himself go until it’s almost too late. and 2) the smut in this is hot hot hot hot! not for anyone under 18 years of age.

Mert has a way with words and can literally pluck you into one and make you see it as it comes to life in your head.

Mine (series) by @holylulusworld

Lulu has an abundance of different stories she tells and this one is my favorite of her ABO’s at the moment. (although I love all of them) I think this one deserved a mention. I am glad she joined to Pond so I could help nominate and spread her amazing work!

One Night at a Time (series) by @crashdevlin

Another great fic by Cassie! This one shot full of Angst, Smut, and if you squint just the right amount of Dean fluff. She has a way of capturing your attention and putting you in the world as you read.

What He Lost (oneshot) by @jensengirl83

This short story by Brandy is sure to rip your heart out. she leaves just a bit of hope where you think there is a chance only to crush it completely with the ending. This one is sure to bring you to tears if you are looking for the most delicious angsty story to read.

Nominated by @risingpheonix761

Down The Rabbit Hole (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

So, this was hysterical. XD I love crack fics, and bad smut in particular, and this one hits the spot. (I’ve also learned several new horrible euphemisms lol). The ending, though? Golden!

Nominated by @myinconnelly1

The Affair (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I love how well all the characters are portrayed I truly hate everyone except the reader! Well done!!

Red Riding Hood - or how you ran into a wolf... (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I have nothing to say about this. I will simply allow the puddle I have become to speak for me.

Last Omega On Earth (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

This was a great entry in the ABO world. and we need more of this and more like !!!!! Great work!

My Beta (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I am a greedy little bitch with this fic. I think I've read it 3-4 since i first read it this month!!!!!! READ THIS FIC!

Third Period (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

Some truly inspiring smut. Inspiring to change my panties.

Gods of Twilight (series) by @thecleverdame

I think i posted this fic in my rec before, but it is so amazing and intricate that i can't stop gushing about it. Fucking awesome.

Apple Pie (oneshot) by @bad268

The amazingness of this is great, check this guppy out!

Deal (oneshot) by @bad268

Comedy at some of its's finest!!!

Confession (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

THE FLUFFFFFFF!!!! I don't read straight fluff. So get the tissues ready.

Fallen (series) by idreamofplaid

My therapist has told me i'm not longer allowed to talk about this fic during our sessions. So instead i shall now talk about it here... *pulls out soapbox* ahem... *gets pulled away with hook*

Memory (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

This fic is older, but i love it so much. I recently went back and reread it, and the angst and reconciliation in this fic are heartwrenching.

Home (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

My dentist bill the month was higher than normal, due to the new cavities caused by this fic.

Imperfectly Yours (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Cuteness overload as you get Dean's perspective of Home ^^

Second Hand News (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Alright listen. I am a glutton for punishment. And this fic, I asked for. Also i had it set within one of the universes we now own. That all being said, reading this was like a dose of my own medicine and it fucking hurt.

Honesty And Lies (oneshot) by @crashdevlin

This was super dirty, and great. Totally recommend.

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

The Classifieds (oneshot) by @talesmaniac89

This is rip your heart out and stomp on it angst right here. So well written, but so, so heartbreaking.

So Much More Than Perfect (oneshot) by @imagineteamfreewill

This fic is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever read. It made me tear up a bit, but who doesn’t love Dean being the most protective, most adorable dad ever?!

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

Dear Dean (series) by @smol-and-grumpy

It’s one of those series that makes you wants more after every chapter. It’s a brilliant story.

Left Behind (series) by @kittenofdoomage

It’s the only John Fic I can read over and over and over again. Its hot, the plot is awesome! And it makes me wants more each and every time I read it.

Not Much Left (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

I think Beka tries to kill her readers every time she writes smut… or she just tap into our mind what we want or what we fantasize about. Every single time I’m speechless by her talents!

Yes Professor (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

It’s a Misha fic, there’s no one who write Misha the way Beka does!!!

Owe You One (series) by @supernatural-jackles

It’s such a great series! The friends with Benefit and Mechanic!Dean… I just love this so much and I don’t have words to describe how good this one is!!

Flirty In French (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

This is brilliant, and I know its an old one, but from someone who finally decided to read more and from someone who is from Quebec, this is absolutely brilliant! The flirty french pick up line are so hilarious!

Nominated by @moosekateer13

Watching for Comets (series) by @holylulusworld

This fic beautifully captures the song that it was inspired by.

It also showcases things that when things are meant to be.

I’ll will all fall into place.

Please Trust Me (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

This fic beautifully emotionally captures what it’s like to have trust issues.

Nominated by @fictionalabyss

Last Call (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

It was everything we needed and wanted.

Culinary Exploits (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

Too utterly ridiculous not to get a mention.

His Omega (oneshot) by @iflostreturntosteverogers

A sweet little comfort fic of Dean being utterly perfect caring for his Omega. Carrie also pulled off keeping this gender neutral, which isn’t something I see a lot of, and probably something I’d struggle with, so hats off to you, babe.

Poison (oneshot) by @supernatural-jackles

YES omg i feel this on such a level. I’ve gone through that shit myself. A friend who lets you down so profoundly but then acts as if you’re the most toxic person in the world. Nothing feels as good as letting go of that shit and moving on to better things. This was beautiful, and perfect, and TRUTH.

Amara (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

This one hurt. It really hurt, but it hurt so good that I’m left wanting more.

Take Me Now (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

If Dawn doesn’t continue this, I’ll riot.

Stuck On You (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

I rarely read a fic this long (I just don’t usually have the time) but it looked too interesting for me to scroll past, and it had me completely captivated. I needed to know what would happen as if I needed air, even though I could guess how it ended, I needed to read the words. Phenomenal.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

#afa masterlist #afa awards #angel fish awards #spn fic rec #spn fanfic #afas #fan fiction #fanfiction #fan fic #spn fan fiction #spn fanfiction #spn fan fic #supernatural fan fiction #supernatural fan fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #fic rec #supernatural fic rec

57 notes · View notes

craftypeaceturtle · 4 years

Text

Sanders Sides Fic Rec

As a heads up! It’ll be very obvious that I prefer Virgil angst and so there will be a definite bias. Just a heads up! All of these will be on AO3 because... it’s the best haha! Also, I’ve only just noticed that a lot of these aren’t necessarily shippy but hey ho! Anyway, here we go!

What Students Teach- mt_reade, 4,000 words.

Hello! My name is Thomas Sanders, and I just finished my first year as a teacher.

I taught a grade one class this year, at a relatively small school. I’ve known that I wanted to be a teacher since I was young, and babysat for the first time. I just love kids so much, and I remembered how much my teachers had an influence on me growing up. I wanted to be able to do that for others. I’ve known for a long time that teaching is the right job for me.

But, what I didn’t know, is that the teaching goes both ways, and the lessons that my students have taught me this year are more valuable than any of the things that I taught them. I’m writing this now to share with anyone who reads this, just precious few of the things that my students teach me.

(I came across this recently but I just love how simple and sweet this idea is! I love how they characterised all the sides in the perspective of children, especially Remus. I feel like it would be easy to write as absolutely ridiculous but he feels still realistic while still being very much Remus!).

I'll Stay Awake (cause the dark's not taking prisoners tonight) - starlocked, 2,000 words, Anxceitmus

Virgil doesn't get to meet his soulmates each night. No, he has nightmares. His roommate decides to stage an intervention.

(I just love this take on the soulmate idea of meeting up in your dreams. I also like that it was no one’s true fault. It would’ve been easy to say that it was all Deceit’s and Remus’ fault for being terrifying but it’s more nuanced than that! There’s not a lot of shippy-ness but it’s still a soulmate au so there we go!)

(don’t) take this the wrong way- delimeful, unfinished, 7,000 words.

Local shark mer Roman finds a tiny mermaid tangled up in a net in his territory, and enlists his siren friend Patton's help to find a way to free the little guy. Unfortunately for Logan, they end up 'borrowing' a human to assist them in untangling the net. Virgil just wants to get out of this nightmare of a situation.

(Maybe I’m just a sucker for merpeople aus, but this is such a good story immediately. Instantly engaging and I’m keeping an eye on it for any new updates. I may also just be a sucker for misunderstandings which is the main conflict so far haha!)

Centaur AU- KieraElieson, unfinished, 10,000 words

Thomas is hired as a centaur groom very abruptly, and is just a little bit lost, but trying his best.

However, when you think of centaurs more as people with animal-like bodies, and everyone else thinks of them as animals with human-like bodies, disagreements are bound to come up.

(So far it’s pretty much setting up the context and characters but it’s done so effectively! The trauma of the characters is handled so well, hinted at and clearly effecting their behaviour, but not so obvious that you immediately know what’s happened to them. Despite being tagged as ambiguous time period, you don’t even really question when the story is set! It quickly grabs your attention and you focus on the story more than any tiny ambiguous details.)

No Longer Alone- Amydiddle, 3,000 words

Anxiety has been living in the basement of Thomas' mind space for almost two years now. A place were all the host's darkness resides. The small side has learned how to take care of himself and how to avoid the sides whenever he goes upstairs.

Tonight's midnight food run goes a bit differently.

(I am so weak for stories about how all the sides formed and first interacted! I think I just fell in love with this concept! Simple but such an interesting fun read!)

The Worst Thing in the World- Arwriter, 6,000 words

Everyone knows Virgil needs to be handled a little differently. He might not like it, but that’s the way it is, and living with the light sides won’t change that. After all, it’s common sense.

Right?

(The first part in a slowly expanding series, the entire series is sooo good so if you like this one then definitely continue reading! It’s such a well written look into their lives, how they handle conflicts and grief. I love Virgil angst where the others get a look into his previous life, no matter how small and sad that look is.)

tales of reverie- cattonsanders, 40,000 words, offscreen Logince.

Roman loves to read bedtime stories to his kids (even if Virgil says he’s grown out of them), but soon Patton and Virgil discover that the story book their dad has been reading to them is actually a portal to the very kingdom they’ve been told about- not only that, but their dad is the prince!

What else will they find as they venture deeper into this new world they’ve found themselves in, and what other, much darker secrets are being kept from them?

(SUCH A CREATIVE IDEA! I love how the plot always kept me guessing but never in a way that felt cheap or misplaced. Characters were introduced and you were left piecing it all together to figure out if they were trustworthy, which is what the main characters are also doing! Will always recommend)

Caught Red Handed- Wholesomereader, 20,000 words

Virgil doesn't like his dad, runs away, and 'accidentally' steals from a local bakery.

Then, the owner of said bakery hires him.

He's in so much shit.

(I love how this is paced and written out. There’s a lot of themes and relationships being built but it still feels easy to keep track of everything and nothing feels swept to the side or neglected.)

Slither Into Your Heart- Jungle321jungle, 6,000 words, unfinished, Anxceit

Deceit didn’t bother to knock as he slammed the door open and glared down to where Remus sat on his bed polishing his morning star.

“What did you do?” Deceit hissed.

Remus gave him a large smile as he looked him up or down, “Do you have the snakes just up there or are they down below too?”

If asked by Patton later, Deceit most definitely did not try to strangle the other side in that moment. Not all.

~~~~

Also known as:

Deceit is turned into a Gorgon. And the new annoying little snakes on his head seem to have an annoying obsession with Virgil.

(Amazing idea, amazing writing, sweet scenes and just! It’s just a nice read! I love how they write Deceit to be this cool tough persona but also named all his new snakes!)

Wings of Anxiety- ShadeCrawler, 7,000 words

Virgil normally kept his wings pressed tight against his back. He never let them out to stretch when he was outside his room. Yes, they got sore after a little while and yes, it rustled his feathers to the point that it took forever to groom them.

But, he couldn’t take them out. He just couldn’t. Dark Sides didn’t have wings. Only Light Sides did.

(Love me some Virgil angst, add in some wings and I’m in! I also love this idea that Virgil was supposed to be a light side all along but circumstances weren’t as fair. Strong self hatred to make a compelling story! Just yes!)

This isn’t what I wanted, but I’ll take it- Simpleton_Cat, 17,000 words, unfinished.

Thomas didn't think he would ever get pets, much less a cat. But here he was, having four cats, Logan, Patton, Roman, and Remus. And then Remus (God, please exorcise the demon that is most definitely in his cat body) brings home two more and then suddenly he's back at the Vet.

Or in other words: Everyone is a cat and Thomas is their owner.

(Again, such a cool idea! I love how this new context for the characters allow for so many new ideas and characterisations. I love Deceit and Virgil’s relationship and how that has shaped, especially how Deceit’s link to lying is written!)

Changing Tides- LadyoftheWoods, 6,000 words.

Virgil ends up overboard of his father's boat during a storm, and expects to drown in the sea. Instead he is rescued by merpeople, in more ways than one.

(Virgil angst plus merpeople- well hello! I love the slowly forming family relationship between the characters. I also love how Virgil reacts to finding out merpeople exist, feels genuine but not too drawn out.)

A Fanciful Dream- AceDetective, 20,000 words, Prinxiety

Virgil could say with certainty that he was no prince. Found by King Thomas’ chef, lost and with no memory of who he was, Virgil spent his childhood running errands in the halls of the castle. When a young King visits and claims Virgil is his brother, Virgil must determine if this is truth or a young King’s hopeful dream.

(While this is very fast paced, everything feels justified and well explained. The confusion between both Virgil and his brother feels so genuine and well written. The quiet slow reaching out makes sense for the both of them!)

Ten Things- LostyK, 30,000 words, unfinished, Anxceit, Royality

When Roman Prince learns that Patton Foster isn’t allowed to date until his older brother, Virgil, is, Roman is crushed. Roman’s twin brother Remus, however, comes up with a plan: find someone who is willing to date Virgil.

And who better to ask than Janus Verona, who according to rumours is willing to do anything for the right price?

(This is one where I kept a close eye to see if it updates, while a silly idea, it’s so well written! I love how Deceit is written as slowly caring and falling in love while still maintaining his persona, just like Virgil! I also love how Virgil is characterised as his usual anxious self but a bit more persona based like before accepting anxiety)

You Can Picani Family You Want- DramaticGarbage, 20,000 words, Analogical, Royality.

Emile finds himself in charge of two small boys who need somewhere to go. It’s going to be a learning curve for everyone.

(If you love found family stuff then this is it! It’s a series of oneshots about different parts in their lives but I love the themes and how the characters progress through each moment. It’s so sweet and rewarding. Plus it has big boi Roman which is always a plus!)

Fatherly Sides- Bright_Sea, 60,000 words, Moceit

There are good and bad days when it comes to being a father. Deceit and Patton learn all about it while raising their four boys.

(Similar to the one above, lots of found family sweet moments all connected by the larger plots and themes. The angst of the larger plot is given the seriousness and gravity that it deserves. I love how trauma is talked about and dealt with in a healthy manner. Everything feels so genuine and realistic!)

Colors- Badgermole, 49,000 words (21 works), Logicality.

A collection of stories where Logan is a young Virgil's dad. Virgil happens to be autistic and has a fascination with colors. Unless otherwise stated: Virgil is aged around early elementary school age with Roman 2 years older.

(Again, with the sweet family moments with minimal angst! I don’t have autism so I can't say whether it’s realistic or not but it’s very well written and covers a lot of autistic themes and everyday life. Actually, read pretty much everything by badgermole as their writing is so good and they tackle a lot of disabled issues!)

Powerless- patentpending, 187,000 words, Logicality, Prinxiety.

“People like us,” Logan had once remarked to Virgil. “Are statistical anomalies.”

(Almost) Everyone in the world has powers. As for those who don’t, well, they’re such a small part of the population - only 0.04% - why would anyone care about them?

Ever since he realized what people mean when they call him Powerless, Virgil Sanders has tried to fight back against the system that oppresses people like him, Patton, and Logan. When Patton’s bakery is targeted in a hate crime, he finally snaps. With the help of a mysterious sponsor, Virgil becomes a villain, ready to remake a broken society. The only thing standing in his way is the world’s most Powerful (and infuriatingly charming) superhero: The Prince, who is hiding the fact that his gilded life isn’t as perfect as it may seem.

(So well written! While fast paced, everything feels so well balanced. Main characters and their plots balanced with new OCs that don’t feel too much and justified in being there. The plot kept me guessing while still feeling justified and interesting.)

Grounded- InstantFire, 18,000 words

No matter your age, punishments are no fun. Despite being no fun, would you be willing to do anything to avoid said punishment?

(I don't know what it is about this piece but it's just sooo good! I’ve reread it so many times, it just won’t leave my mind! I love how it’s carefully written where we don’t quite exactly know what the misunderstanding is until it’s stated out loud for all the characters. Maybe I just have a weakness for Virgil angst and misunderstandings but so worth a read!)

Snow Day- RandomSlasher, 8,000 words

Every year, the sides go to Roman’s realm and spend a few days enjoying the snow. Well…most of the sides. Set pre-Accepting Anxiety.

(SOOOO GOOD! The found family is so well written. Actually, while this is the only mention of Random Slasher because I don’t want this to be too long, read everything and anything by Random Slasher. So well written with some amazing ideas.)

Looking for the Light- OreoButter, 30,000 words

Remus, Deceit and Virgil Dark are Brothers. They had an awful home and now are in the foster system. After being passed from family to family they finally end up with Thomas. Remus is gross, Deceit is a compulsive lier and Virgil has crippling anxiety. Virgil will do anything to protect his brothers, at any cost. The family of three will have to face trial and the truth as they search for the light.

(I absolutely love found family if you couldn’t guess already! But I love how they wrote the sibling relationship between the dark sides, feels so genuine and justified. There is shipping but it feels more like a side plot so!)

Sightless- riverblujay, 9,000 words

Virgil is blind. It's not a big deal though, right? But he hides it, because if the other sides knew they would push him away again. And besides, he's pretty good at faking being sighted...

And the other sides are also more observant than he realizes.

(Again, this is another fic that I keep returning to! Also, I’m not blind or have any partial sight so I can't so whether this is realistic but the conflict and comfort feels so genuine and justified.)

The Black Hole Group Chat- Greenninjagal, 26,000 words, LAMP.

Cat_feelings: [I just have a lot of feelings for you Logan]

Anxi_Tea: [platonic?]

Cat_feelings: [does it matter?]

Anxi_Tea: [you’ve known him for twenty five minutes.]

*** aka a text fic where Logan texts the wrong number and everything goes downhill from there.

(I know text fics can be a little hit or miss but the chemistry feels so real and fun. The characters are still very much themselves, a lot of text fics can feel out of character. I also adore the fact that Virgil is mute so the fic has a reason for why the group chat is used despite them all meeting in person. So good, will always recommend!)

April Fool’s- feduphufflepuff, 5,000 words

This is Virgil's first April Fool's Day with the FamILY, and he has no idea what to expect.

(Love me some Virgil angst and misunderstandings so here ya go! The found family vibes and the comfort and just ah! So good, just go read!)

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #remus sanders #not my writing #fic rec

29 notes · View notes