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happeehippie · 16 hours

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could you do something with joe based on obsessed by olivia rodrigo?

obsessed. || joe burrow

(this is my first time doing something that’s writing instead of social media, and it’s longer than expected. i hope you enjoy.)

*if i told you how much i think about her, you’d think i was in love. *

I’m not typically an insecure person by any means, but when it comes to her I can’t help myself. When Joe and I first started dating everyone online made sure I knew that they wanted it to be her. That they were rooting for the downfall of our relationship because they believed he was meant to be with someone else. It took a huge toll on my mental health in the beginning. And as much as I like to pretend I don’t think about it, it’s never gone away. I compare myself to her at every turn, think about her often, curious if he thinks about her also..

*i’m so obsessed with your ex, i know she’s been asleep on my side of your bed.*

Joe and I had been dating for a while and he finally asked me to move in. I was ecstatic, spending every single day with the person I love sounded like a dream. No one could take the smile off my face, except her. Joe had told me to use the bedside table for some of my things, he told me to make myself at home because that’s what this place is now. I opened the drawer and found a peppermint chapstick and some lightly salted almonds.

“Hey babe?” I say loud enough for Joe to hear me from the ensuite bathroom.

“What’s up?” He pokes his head out of the door, toothbrush dangling out of his mouth.

“I was just wondering what I should do with these? I’m assuming they don’t belong to you..” I mumble, I didn’t even have to listen to his answer, I knew who’s they were.

“Uh.” Joe is frozen speechless for a moment before recovering, “Yeah, babe just toss them in the trash.”

He turns back to the sink to finish his nighttime routine and I sit there lost in my thoughts. I don’t want to think about her, I don’t want to think about the love he had before me because it’s over for a reason. But knowing that she has slept on this side of the bed that we now share is doing something detrimental to my brain. When Joe steps out of the bathroom it doesn’t take him long to notice the look on my face and the items still lingering in my hands. He walks over and gently opens my fingers to take them and toss them in the trash. When he comes back he tilts up my chin to look me in the eyes..

“I’m sorry, I should’ve checked everything before you got here. You didn’t need to see that.”

“No, it’s fine. I just wasn’t really expecting that I guess.”

“It’s in the past, I don’t care about that anymore. I always hated when she was crunching on almonds at bedtime anyway.”

We both laugh as he places a gentle kiss on my forehead.

*I’m starin’ at her like I wanna get hurt. And I remember every detail you have ever told me.*

She wasn’t supposed to be here. Joe promised me that she hadn’t RSVP’d and she wasn’t on the guest list, but here she is. Sitting across from me in all her glory, She is laughing with people I’ve never met and I’m reminded that I’m new here. I’m reminded that they had a whole life together before I came along, a life that included most everyone here. I’ve convinced myself people are staring. Do they want me gone just like everyone else? Do they think Joe would be better off getting back together with her? He told me once that they always had fun at weddings, he said things were good between them when everyone else was around. He said she smiled more and didn’t pay as much attention to the small things when there was so much going on around them. That she was always daydreaming about what they’d have one day and the tension would dissipate for a few hours. I wonder if she’s wishing she was here with him. She looks up and a huge smile spreads across her face, for a moment I think she’s smiling at me, then I realize that Joe is coming up behind me. For some reason that makes me sick to my stomach, that she’s smiling at him like that. He gives her a small wave before turning his attention to me.

“Would you dance with me? Please?” He adds at the end with his puppy dog eyes. I can’t say no. He takes me by the hand and leads me out onto the floor. “Have I told you how beautiful you look in this dress?” He whispers as he pulls me close.

“A few times. But I’m not tired of hearing it.” I laugh

“Well you do, I’ve barely been able to take my eyes off you. Everyone loves you, they’re stoked that you decided to come.” That Insecure part of me pokes it’s head out again. Do you mean it? I want to ask but that’s not what comes out.

“Are you just saying that so I don’t freak out later?”

“No. I’m saying it because it’s true.” I give him a pointed look, “And so that you don’t leave and over analyze everything you’ve done tonight.” He laughs, leaning in giving me a gentle kiss. Out of the corner of my eye I see her looking over at us and I feel like smiling because I realize.. he hasn’t looked away from me once.

*She’s got those lips, she’s got those hips the life of every fuckin’ party. She’s talented, she’s good with kids she even speaks kindly about me.*

Torture. That’s what this feels like. It’s Sam’s birthday today and he’s having a huge get together. She’s here, dancing with some of the other WAGs. Joe always said she was the life of the party, I wish I could hate her. I’m still trying to recover from the sickening feeling of watching Joe’s nephews run into her arms as they walked in when Jess approaches me.

“You’ve been staring.” She simply states.

“I know. I can’t help it.” I huff out a sigh, finally taking my eyes off the shiny bright light prancing around in the middle of the room.

“Maybe you should speak to her, she’s really great.” Bile rises in my throat at the thought of that encounter.

“That’s the problem.”

“She thinks you’re wonderful,” She doesn’t know me is what runs through my mind, “She’s glad that you and Joe are together. She wants him to be happy, and anyone can see he’s happy with you.”

“I wish that made me feel better.” I finish the rest of my drink and step out onto the lawn for some fresh air.

*I know you love me, and I know it’s crazy.*

I haven’t said a word since we left the party. Joe keeps looking over at me like I could explode any second, I can see his hand twitching like he wants to reach out and touch me but convinces himself otherwise. After several excruciating minutes he speaks up.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about.” He whispers, his voice gravely from sitting in silence.

“I don’t think you want to know what I’ve been thinking about Joey.”

“I think I already know. I just wish you’d talk to me about it. Instead of keeping it bottled up inside.” At this point we are pulling into the garage but neither of us makes a move to get out of the vehicle.

“Do you think about her? When we go to things like that do you miss her?” My voice is barely above a whisper and I’m holding my breath, I know he loves me. I’ve never doubted that. I think I just need to hear him say that he’s choosing me.

“I don’t.” He sounds so sure of himself, like this is the easiest question in the world, “I think about you. Every second of every day. When I go to things like that I watch you, I get excited when I see you with the people I care about, and when you’re not there, I miss you.” He takes my hand and squeezes it three times.

“They all love her.”

“And I love you. Hey, look at me.” I tilt my chin so that I can see him, “No more of this crazy talk okay? I love you, I want you, and I don’t like the idea of you comparing yourself to anyone else. You’re one of a kind.” I know. I know. I know.

“I think I just needed to hear you say it.” I give a small smile, “I promise.. no more obsessing over your ex.”

#joe burrow #nfl #nfl imagine #bengals #cincinnati bengals #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow x reader

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kittyhui · 13 hours

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exes to lovers! seungcheol x reader

!!MDNI!!

[seungcheol ended your five year long relationship seemingly out of nowhere, leaving you heartbroken. two years after your breakup, you release your solo album, song written about the heartbreak you felt. now, seungcheol is trying to get your love back]

cw: idol x idol, angst w/ comfort, semi public sex, not grammar checked well😭

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“I think we should break up” is all Seungcheol says to you, sad in his eyes.

He walks out of your apartment, not staying to listen to your cries and pleads, asking for an explanation on why he was so suddenly doing this. He was a completely different person from the last time you saw him; his love-filled eyes replaced with cold and sad ones.

You tried to contact him multiple times after that; calls and messages never answered, leaving you and your heart shattered, your members having to pick up the pieces. A five year old relationship gone in a flash, without a reason, without even a thought of why. Did i do something wrong? Did he grow tired? Was there.. someone else? The situation hurt you so badly, that even fans could tell something was wrong. Your relationship was a secret from fans and from your company, save from the members. Your performance during promotions were off and it took you almost a full year to get back on your game, taking a hiatus at one time because it was just so bad. but you were feeling better now. It’s now past your two year breakup anniversary, and though you think about the good times of your old relationship, you weren’t consumed with grief anymore. You felt much better, better than ever. Better enough to release your first solo album, songs written from that time.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[interviewer] So, What was the thought process behind this album?

[Y/N] All these songs are a part of a giant collection of songs while i was going through a lot of feelings haha. Most of these were my inner thoughts and feelings that I couldn't express to anyone else so I wrote them out. they’ve only now came out because I was finally confident in myself and these songs after years and my members helped build my courage to share them with you all.

[Interviewer] I’m happy that you were finally able to overcome your fears with your songs.

[Y/N] Thank you so much

[Interviewer] Do you think you could go more in depth about the song meanings?

[Y/n] Yea, of course. The first song on the album can be interpreted in multiple ways in my opinion. When I wrote this, I was thinking about someone I loved truly. I wrote this wishing that the way they ended it could’ve been that we just fell out of love. I wanted us to be tired of each other, to just want it to be over and so I wrote this point of view wishing this was the reality, even though I knew how much I still loved them. It’s very sad and kinda pathetic but yea haha.

For the second track, I wrote this because in this same relationship, the way we broke up was so rushed and I was not ready for it. I felt like they didn’t even feel anything towards me anymore and it broke me down so much. By the end of the song, I kinda accept it as the end and try to let them go.

Ah~ This third track was actually wrote when i was first in that relationship. We were both falling hard and fast and I had to let it out in a way. I can’t really explain more.

[Interviewer] And lastly, the fully english track?

[Y/N] This one really talks about how even if I’ll be in another relationship in the future, I’ll only think about and try to find them in the other person. I wrote this the latest out of all of them. I knew I was still in love with this person even though it’s been years since the breakup but I know I’ll always see them as my first and only love even if they don’t see me the same way.

[Interviewer] These are all truly beautiful songs

[Y/N] Thank you

[Interviewer] We just have a few more questions before we say goodbye today. Firstly, You said these songs were in a collection of other songs, will you release the rest of them as well?

[Y/N] Maybe, I’m surprised I got away making this album so hopefully I can push my companies limits a tad more.

[Interviewer] Next question, This relationship you sing about seemed really intense. Was it a long one?

[Y/N] Yea, It dont think I can go into too many details but it was a pretty serious relationship. When it ended, I took it very hard. I liked them for a long time before too so it was rough haha

[Interviewer] Last question, Because you produce and write songs for your group, Have you ever wrote about this relationship in those songs?

[Y/N] Honestly I couldn’t tell you. I try not to because I’m still not the best about this relationship I was in but it’s probably slipped in a few songs unfortunately haha

[Interviewer] Thank you so much for coming onto my show today!

[Y/N] I’m honored to be asked here for an interview, thank you. I’d also like to say thank you to my fans and anyone else who is listening in! Please enjoy my new album!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Needless to say, your interview was seen by alot of people. Neitzens have been picking it apart since it came out, speculating on the mystery person you were talking about. Your fans were both happy for you and angry for you; ready to fight the person who broke your heart. Though the publicity was great for your album sales and streams, the constant news was really tiring now, especially now that you were promoting at music shows. Music shows that your ex, S.Coups of Seventeen, was also promoting at with his group. Singing a song about your heartbreak in the same place of the person who hurt you so bad, was awkward to say the least. The waiting room of the music show was the worst. passing by him and his group makes your heart pound. His eyes follow you when you pass by each other. you try not to meet his eyes. Your heart just couldn’t handle it. Your still wanted him yet you hated him at the same time. You wanted to kiss him again but also wanted to hit him. The last conversation you both had together was him breaking up with you. He hurt you so badly yet you yearned for him.

So when he approached you before your performance, you felt conflicted.

“Y/n?” The familiar voice fills your ears and you look up at the man standing infront of your sitting figure.

“Seungcheol? What are you doing” You didn’t actually think he would speak to you again, but here he was.

“Can we- can we talk?” He pauses, licking his lips nervously “I know you probably never want to speak to me ever again but I just want a second of your time.”

“You really have horrible timing. I going on stage in a few minutes. Please don’t do this now. You had two years to talk about this,” You look away from his, glancing to the side “We can talk.. after the music show is over. Don’t expect too much, though” You stand and walk to the stairs of the stage and he sighs, agreeing to meet later on.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The music show ends entirely too quickly for your liking, leg bouncing nervously in your dressing room and when you hear a knock at the door you know it’s Seungcheol. You open the door, the man in front of you quickly walking in and closing the door again.

“Y/n..” He sighs

“Seungcheol,” You try to sound disinterested but inside you just want to hug him. “Please just say what you have to say”

“I just want to say I’m so sorry for the way I ended things. I know I hurt you beyond belief and it hurts that I hurt you. I watched your interview and.. god.. I care about you so much.. I never wanted to break up with you but I had to..” His eyes brim with tears and he lets out a haggard breath.

“Then why did you? Five years, Seungcheol. I loved you for five years, hell, I still love you after what you did, but, just why? I felt like I wasted all those years for nothing. I want to marry you… I wanted to have everything with you.. You were my first everything and you hurt me like I was nothing..” You were choking on your tears at this point, the salty liquid pooling in you lips “You were more than just a boyfriend to me, Seungcheol. You were the love of my life.”

“Y/n.. I.. I didn’t break up because I wanted to.. your company found out.. they threatened your career if I didn’t break up with you.. I tried to convince them to let us be, but they were persistent and my company was pressuring me as well.. I shouldve fought for you more.. I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you what was happening but… I was a coward. I never stopped loving you, y/n.. You’re the love of my life too. I had every intention of being with you until the day I died, and I want to fight for you now even though I didn’t before.”

The shock of what he said lingers in your mind. You look at him without saying anything. He sat down next to you, letting you process his words. After some time you finally spoke.

“I dont know what to say,” You start “I believe you even though that means my company did this too me but.. I dont know. I want to forgive you. I want you, Cheol. I want you to be in my life again. but it took me so long to recover from this. I dont know if we’ll ever be what we were before,” He looks down at his feet in defeat “But we can try..” He looks up at you again, eyes brightening.

He finally smiles, “You dont understand how badly I missed you…” He hugs you tightly before looking into your eyes and then looking down at your lips “can I..” You nod slowly, waiting for his lips to touch yours.

He kisses your lips with hunger, holding on to you for fear you might run away “Missed you.. Misses your touch.. ‘m so sorry, my love” He pushes you flat on the couch you were sitting on, kissing you face and neck with desire. He missed this so much. “I love you, baby. Please let me make you feel good.. Love you..” You whine at his words, hips grinding up at his.

“l-love you too, Cheolie.. Please.. Need you so bad” Your hands move up and down his clothed back. “Please..missed you too” He kisses you quickly, breaking away to remove the both of your clothes.

“Just a gorgeous as I remember,” He mutters under his breath. You can feel his hard member on your stomach, moaning at the anticipation of having him after so long. “Need to be inside you so bad, baby”

“mhm please, cheolie..“ You pull him closer, begging him to do anything.

“shhh, ill take care of you, baby.” he coos at you, finally pushing in, “shit- so tight.. you feel so good baby” he brushes the hairs out of your face, kissing your forehead gently. “So good for me, my love”

“Please move- Please I need it. Cheolie- Needed this so bad” You sob as he finally starts to roll his hips into yours, groans falling from his mouth.

“God- y-you’re too good, baby. Am I making you feel good, hm?” He fucks into you faster, rougher, breathlessly calling out your name into your ear.

“yes yes makin’ me feel so good- gonna cum soon” You hips rut into his, determined to make both of you cum.

“b-baby” He pushes your hips back into the couch, “Be good- i’ll let you cum, promise…” He breathes out hot breath, eyes blown wide as he pounds into you; your heat sucking him in dangerously. “Cum for me please, need you to cum, baby.”

Your desperation for each other was unmatched and you were sure that the people walking past your dressing room can hear the obscene noises coming from it, but you could care less. The pleads for more came out if your mouth like a ritual and Seungcheol knew you were close. One of his hands grip your own, telling you to cum, and what else can you do when his cock twitches inside of you so deliciously. You cry out his name once more before cumming hard. Feeling you pulse around him, he fills you up with spurts of his hot cum in you. “Fuck, did you so good, my love. I love you so much” He breathes out, pecking your lips once again.

You look into his eyes, dazed, and welling with tears again. His happy demeanor changes ones again. “Hey. Hey, Y/n. What’s wrong? Did i do something?” He looks you up and down, checking for injuries. Making sure he didn’t fuck this up again.

“No- i just- i just missed you so much, Cheolie,” you cry out. “Love you so much..” His arms are around you before you can even say another word. He murmurs I love you’s into your ears, kissing the tears rolling down your face.

“I love you too, baby. let’s go home hm?”

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

a/n: these are the songs i used as reference for the solo album songs:

1. Can’t Love You Anymore - IU

2. Goodbye - OOHYO

3. Fallin’ - Yoon Hyun Sang

4. Glimpse of Us - Joji

this was so spur of the moment #loveit

#seventeen #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol smut #scoups x reader #seventeen x reader #svt x reader

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scentedpeachlandcreator · 1 day

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Hi girl 🤍 So how can I have celebrity energy?

Hello!

Well start embodying a person who's a celebrity.

It's changing a state, for example:

Let's just Say a celebrity is adored by everyone and noticed by literally everyone else, they have fans, getting many attention,loved.

You'll start embodying these trait.

Start embodying the state of being a "celebrity", but how?

By feeling and thinking like you're a celebrity!

An example of a famous celebrity:

I’ll never forget the day Marilyn and I were walking around New York City, just having a stroll on a nice day. She loved New York because no one bothered her there like they did in Hollywood, she could put on her plain-Jane clothes and no one would notice her. She loved that. So, as we we’re walking down Broadway, she turns to me and says, ‘Do you want to see me become her?’ I didn’t know what she meant but I just said ‘Yes’ — and then I saw it. I don’t know how to explain what she did because it was so very subtle, but she turned something on within herself that was almost like magic. And suddenly cars were slowing, and people were turning their heads and stopping to stare. They were recognizing that this was Marilyn Monroe as if she pulled off a mask or something, even though a second ago nobody noticed her. I had never seen anything like it before.” credit to @tia-222 by the way.

She Basically changed her state from "being not noticed" to "being noticed and recognized by literally everyone".

“I dreamed of myself walking proudly in beautiful clothes and being admired by everyone and overhearing words of praise. I made up the praises and repeated them aloud as if someone else were saying them.” by Amy Greene, wife of Marilyn’s personal photographer (credit to @tia-222).

I advice you to read these post: (this. This one, and this).

Anyways good Luck!

Xoxo, Eli

#law of assumption #loa tumblr #loa #loa blog #law of manifestation #how to manifest #asks #anon ask #loassumption

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ember-not-amber · 16 hours

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I know that everyone is saying that Jason is the reason Aarmau became canon in MCD but I recently re-watched the MCD 4 year anniversary livestream and Jess said that she was always planning on Aphmau getting with Aaron so could she be leaving something out bc everyone on here seems to believe it was solely because of Jason and that can’t be for no reason, right?

-Transcript of what Jess said below the cut-

{40:15 - 43:46}

“‘So you wanted to have a reverse harem?’ [someone in the chat] asked, um to a certain extent, so a lot of what you're gonna hear me say on the stream very much will contradict some things I have said in the past and the reason that I am bringing this to light now is because at the time I did not know how to handle certain situations I was in, I'm not gonna get into a lot of things, but just know that a lot of things I say on this stream are less censored than they were back then. Some things I honestly did say because I was scared back then, I had no idea how to handle a massive influx of audience, I had no idea how to be a YouTuber, I had no idea how to respond to public criticism. It was definitely an experience for me that made me learn a lot about dealing with people and how at the end of the day, I really should've said what was on my mind. So when you ask about a reverse harem, I really did want that to happen in Diaries, but I didn't want it to happen the way that you see it happening in like, um, or in high school where everyone was super after Aphmau or like, you know, super interested in her I wanted to do that concept but I wanted her to more about what was going on in the world and not super about love and the reason for that was because a lot of what she was going through was more so pressure from having to be...what it was more so about for Aphmau was her trying to basically deal with the world as a Lord which was something that was super stressful at the time because she has to deal with all these people you know, doing this stuff and for her it felt like...she had more concern about the people around her than her herself so the idea was that she was going to ignore a lot of her feelings for others, not act on her own emotions cause you see that happening throughout a lot of Diaries, she ignores the kids she adopts a lot very often she doesn't have time for herself, it's almost like she's so engrossed in the world that she's in and helping others that she doesn't even think about that herself so in Season 2 when she has this moment of epiphany that ‘hey, I can have what I want for myself, I can do what I want for myself’. When that happens she makes an impulse decision, but that's a decision she wants. We'll get into that a little bit later, it's a very, um I had more complex thought about this than I actually talked about and that was something that was very, very, um for me again, it became a lot about shipping, it became a lot about being afraid of having an audience that would talk about you online, it became a lot of fear for me as a creator with what was going on at the time. And I'll talk to you guys about that in a little bit but just know that that was a thing that I was going through back then as a younger creator, now that I'm an older creator I realized 'hey, I should tell the story the way I want to tell it and not how people are telling me to tell it' again, we'll get into that later on."

{44:13 - 45:16}

"OH MY GOD something I hate about the harem concept by the way, something that always bothered me, and this was from the very beginning and this was something that I thought about because I was like, ‘it's either gonna be someone else, it's not gonna be the one that two people think, it's got to be someone else’ because I hate the harem concept where, in anime, this happens a lot, the girl can't make a decision towards the end so guess what? the creator leaves it open-ended like Haruhi and Tamaki (from Ouran High School Host Club) guess what? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO SHE GETS WITH! AND FRICKIN IN FRUITS BASKET YUKI AND uh, what's his name? frickin...OH THE CATBOY I CAN'T THINK OF HIS NAME OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD! IT'S ALWAYS OPEN-ENDED, THEY CAN NEVER GIVE THE CHICK THE CHANCE TO MAKE A DECISION FOR HERSELF ABOUT WHO SHE REALLY LIKES AND WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS you know? ... Look, I have strong feelings about harems, like harem animes, and how I feel like, if you're gonna let the chick make a choice, let her make a choice that she wants, okay? Just let it happen, okay??"

{47:00 - 47:11}

"Oh yeah, I don't like when harems do that to the main chick, they're like, ‘oh she can only get with one or the other, she can't get with anybody else! Cause that's what we built up to!’ NO, NOT IN MY STORY, we ain't doing that stuff here!"

{1:24:11 - 1:26:52}

*After re-watching that scene from S2 ep 20*

"So for me, I love watching those scenes. I think for me, it's more so the fact that I look back on them and I'm like ‘Why didn't I do this?! Why did I do this?! OH MY GOD I COULD HAVE DONE THAT!’ so it's like... it's very interesting. I think that was the first, no, that was like the second crazy uh, I wanted to give basically all of the love interests a Big Moment in a lot of the stuff, so Garroth had his moment in Season 1, Laurance had his moment in Season 2, Dante was supposed to have a moment because Dante, and I think I forget who else it was um, I think it was Fenrir, I seriously have to look back on my stupid docs, but there were supposed to be more love interests for Aphmau and it just didn't happen because at the time, if you were a fan back then you might have lived through the Great Garmau v. Laurmau War, I did, I was there for everything, and trust me, it wasn't a pretty sight. But my intent was, because I mentioned this in the stream earlier, I did not like the way that harems, specifically reverse harems worked when it came to giving the main character, usually the female main character, a choice. They didn't get like, they had between two options and for me I wanted to break that, I wanted to have it a little bit up in the air and have it more open to who she could be with and that she would make her own choice. And she does make her own choice in later episodes, but that's not what people like, enjoyed and I'll get into that in a little bit because this is something that I think changed the course of how I went about writing Diaries in the future and why I believe I fell out of... why I believe I felt a great pressure on me as a writer and as a creator and why I believe that I've, well at least for me, somewhat I believe, it's what I feel, I felt that I was dragged out of writing Diaries because I gave in to what other people wanted and to what was demanded of me basically, cause I didn't know how to handle stuff like that as a content creator."

{1:58:46 - 2:19:18}

"My original idea was to have a harem with Aphmau but she wouldn't be getting with the main two guys, and if I said anything about that back then then who would you guys have to root for? What would you be watching for? This was my intent that I had, that I didn't want to talk about because honestly, like, how do you say that? Like, ‘OH BY THE WAY, YOU MAY BE ROOTING FOR A TEAM BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN’ you don't wanna give away the story! For me, I wanted to have a female character who was able to pick for herself and a HUGE part that I think most people did not like at the time was the fact that she couldn't pick, because Aphmau would often say that she's not ready for romance, she's not ready for love and that was intended, that was basically her trying to say, ‘Hey, I'm a Lord, I'm a frickin working woman who's got like, all this bs on my plate, I gotta manage these adopted kids, I gotta take care of this other bs with the stupid villagers not being able to build their own villages, I gotta go talk to the frickin daughter of Scaleswind who gets kidnapped, and I gotta go do this stupid stuff where I'm getting stuck in wyvern dimensions and holy crap!’. She's gone through so much emotional stuff and during this entire time while you're on the ride with her not once does she give a crap about herself, not once does she say ‘Oh my god, I'm gonna have a spa day for me!’ even though there's a spa day later on in the episodes she's like ‘Oh my god I'm gonna relax for me!’ NO! EVERY FRICKIN DAY SHE'S DEALING WITH PROBLEMS! Anyway, for her she had a hard time, a serious hard time even picking between Laurance and Garroth. Though they had all these romantic scenes at the time that were on camera she had a hard time with that. It was basically them knowing that they had the Jedi Code in their blood where they couldn't really- and I don't know if you guys knew that in one of the episodes we actually do talk about the guards not falling in love with their Lords because that's a BAD thing and as you can see it turned out to be a bad thing! Who knew?! So yes, she ends up um, the guards, Laurance and Garroth end up falling in love with her, their Lord even though they know the Jedi Code, they can't do that and yeah, I say ‘Jedi Code’ but there is a guard code where they're just like ‘Hey maybe you shouldn't fall in love with your Lord because that might be a bad thing!’ and it does turn out to be a bad thing, Garroth ends up being very selfish for his brother?? Uh, I forget how that all played out but I know Garroth thought he saw Aphmau and Laurance kissing and then without like, actually talking to them about it he's like, ‘I'M GONNA BETRAY THE VILLAGE RIGHT NOW!’ so um, yeah! Now, you're probably saying, ‘Oh man, Aphmau wasn't ready for romance, then what was The Forest?’ prior to this I was building up subtly, very subtly Aphmau and Aaron's relationship. Laurance and Garroth had more screen time in terms of like, actually- and this is where I feel, as a writer and as a producer I made a mistake, because I did not show romantic interest from Aaron to Aphmau in a way that was more romanticized. I showed a more mature kind of relationship where it was like, if you remember back when we had the Isabel Arc Aaron was buying Aphmau clothes and stuff like that; small little gestures from time to time where it was supposed to be implied and this is more of a kind of behind the scenes kind of like idea of love and of a mature relationship kind of forming. One of the things Aaron absolutely knew, because as you guys know Aaron was a Lord, is that he understood the pressure Aphmau was going through as a Lord, he had a lot in common with her in terms of having guards, having the responsibility of everyone in the village on your shoulders, he understood what Aphmau was going through and knew that he should not try to put any pressure on her.

And I don't think many people in this world of Diaries understood that unless you were a Lord and I think most Lords either became corrupted or they became- there was super righteous and super corrupted and then there was kind of like in the middle where they didn't really care. So with that being said, at the time I was super set on eventually Aphmau and Aaron having a relationship and I wanted it to be more so a kind of lustful relationship than something- a lustful relationship that had a mature understanding that ‘Hey, we're Lords and we have to basically keep this between us because we understand that our villages in the Phoenix Alliance is gonna freak out if we like, show that Aphmau is like,’ I don't know like, Aphmau had a really hard time with emotions and a really hard time with kind of observing the people around her and was more so like ‘Yeah I wanna get my job as a Lord done’ and just ignoring her own wants and needs. And I feel like I could explain this a lot better if I wrote this out cause I'm not really good at verbally explaining these kinds of things but yeah, so when I decided to go through with Aphmau and Aaron a lot of fans were mad like, very mad. So as you all know, in this episode (S2 ep 73) you have Aphmau and Aaron actually talking about- they're talking a lot about what's going on, ‘one mistake. It might take one small misstep, but if you aren't careful: you can lose everything’ this is not just a lesson that Aphmau MCD was learning, it was a lesson that I was learning as a creator. It was really something that- before Aaron, even before Aaron with Laurance and Garroth, I don't know if you guys ever got to see how bad things were. How the shipping of Garroth and Laurance, not even Aaron at this time because Aaron wasn't involved in the picture, but during Season 1 how bad it got to the point where I had to ban so many comments, like I know people these days complain about Aarmau shippers, I don't think that they even come as close to what I had to deal with emotionally as a creator and a writer when it came to... and this is not ALL please don't think that this is every Garmau shipper, every Laurmau shipper, I'm assuming everyone was just young back then and I don't hold it against anybody, but it was a very interesting time because it felt like I had to adhere to Garmau and Laurmau, I couldn't do anything differently with Aphmau. If I tried to introduce another male character to Aphmau's like, circle be it Aaron, be it like uh, Fenrir or be it uh, shoot, even frickin Malachi for some reason, I don't know why, that was weird. It got to a point where I was getting emails from fans, very hateful emails, I had a lot of stuff happened during this- this was Garmau and Laurmau and I had to block a lot of comments and that's why, comparatively for you guys as fans you may remember those memories fondly, but I don't and that's because- I mean I remember the good fondly, don't get me wrong I enjoyed the good times but I remember having to block so many comments to other people on my channel about people basically telling like, the Garmau fans telling the Laurmau fans to go do something to themselves and hurt themselves and then the Laurmau to the Garmau- I blocked a lot of those comments so you guys never saw them because we had a smaller community back then, it was easier for me to monitor comments nowadays, I can't do that, it's very difficult for me to do that. With that being said, I got a lot of emails from fans back then that were just very malicious, very hurtful and I remember Jason telling me, ‘Hey, just do what you wanna do in your story’ and so I did, I said ‘Hey, I want Aphmau to get with Aaron’ and then what happened after that when this happened and obviously the episode happened when she was pregnant, obviously and obviously you can see their [Aphmau & Aaron's in S2 ep 73] conversation here it gets very deep and again, I can go in a little bit further about this, but after this event happened there was a scene that I wrote, because when this happened a lot of people were basically-

and forgive me if I'm like, talking about this in the wrong way? Again, I feel like I can convey my thoughts better on paper better than I can in public, especially in person. Basically after this whole scene here and I'm sure you guys know this scene, especially if you look at the comments you'll know exactly what I'm talking about [S2 ep 98] this is the scene that I wrote because I was afraid of very rabid fans at the time. I didn't know how to handle it and basically say ‘Hey, this is what I wanna do for my story, this is how I wanna go about it’ and so I went into this with Aphmau and Garroth and I had Garroth basically yell at Aphmau and essentially call her a slut. But- and understand where his frustrations come from, I could get behind the idea that he would react this way but at the same time, looking at his past actions, looking at what he's done in the past and how all of this was caused- not obviously, not solely by his actions but this whole time skip era was pretty much a huge part of his doing, which was intended by the way, he was gonna have a more different reaction than this one and this was the one that I wrote because I was very much afraid of my fan base at the time uh, not my fan base, not ALL YOU GUYS but like the more rabid parts of it, I didn't know what to do. I was getting messages that Aphmau was a slut, she was just like this person who just did whatever she wanted even though granted, everything she's been through in the past was something that she never re- she did things for people but when she did the one thing for herself everyone turned on her. At least, everyone as in represented by Garroth, it's a very interesting thing to think about. And again, I could very much talk about this a little bit more... it's uh, again a very sensitive topic for me because this scene here, this is the scene I wrote because I did not know how to handle my fan base, I did not know how to talk to people, I did not know how to say ‘this is my decision that this is what I'm doing and honestly, I wanted Garroth to have a different reaction here’ because he reflects on what he's done but he rams into Aph- like, not rams into Aphmau, he- I don't know it's a very... I guess sensitive topic for me because of the way he reacts. So this scene, in particular, was one I did not want to write, this is one that I was just like... yeah and it sucked and this was the scene where I basically took what I was being told and translated it to Garroth to have it told back to the character. Not that I'm associating my own self with the Aphmau character but I think a lot of people do, and again, for me the Aaron and Aphmau relationship was very much a mature relationship in Diaries which is why in Mystreet you see it toned down quite a bit. This taught me a lot about youtube and doing what I wanna do and making it so I feel comfortable with the content that I'm making but yeah, just know that this is the scene that I just was like- it was me basically giving up my creativ- this was the scene that made me feel like I was giving up my creativity to satisfy what other people wanted and that sucked. And so when people say things like ‘Aw man, she's just done this for the fans and she's just done this!’ like in terms of story like obviously there are some things that I do do for you guys but they're not like things that I don't wanna do, they're things that I like, ‘Hey I would like to do this because I see that you guys like this and I wanna do this’ this was a thing where it was like, ‘I'm seeing this reaction, I don't wanna do this but I feel so bad that I have to do this’ so if you're an artist, for what this felt like for me, is when people say ‘Hey I don't like your style, your style should be the way I think it should be and if it's not that way you're doing it wrong’ it was like this really, a like hurtful moment where you almost give up something that you don't want to give up but you're so afraid of what people think about you that you don't know how to deal with it so you just do what they wanna do.

So for me, this scene is the example of rushed and forced. I make fun of that joke a lot and I know a lot of people use that to say stuff about stories, but this story right here changed a direction for me as a writer, for Diaries, it changed a lot and it made me... I don't know, like if I were to remake this, this scene would be changed, this scene would absolutely be changed. So anyway, it sucks, it really does suck but honestly, I don't blame anybody for that I truly like to think that what this was an example of was people were young and when I think of people who fight over ships, I think of young people usually, I don't think of older people and I think that as people who are older especially it's a good idea to try to- and some people overreact, yeah that's perfectly fine I think we all do every now and then. But a good way to kind of think about this is you have to help people learn and people are gonna make mistakes, so I don't hold it against anyone. I don't think that you know, Garmau shippers are bad or Laurmau shippers are bad or Aarmau shippers are bad, I've seen the worst, I've seen the absolute worst of each of them and you know, it's just the way things are and I don't blame any one of them. I honestly just think it was an experience that I personally probably needed to go through as a creator but it was the last time I ever let people super decide what I was going to do as a content creator and if any content creators are out there watching this right now and you're like ‘Hey I need to do what people are yelling at me to do’ don't do that. Obviously if it's a mistake you should apologize but if it's something where it's just like ‘Hey I just want to tell a story for fun and I just wanna do this to make it like my own thing’ then do your own thing because if you do not do what you want to do in a story and you try to cater to people it will hurt you, your creativity, it will hurt your drive."

#original post #aphblr #aphmau #jessica bravura #jesson #jason bravura #aphmau minecraft diaries #aphmau mcd #minecraft diaries

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