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#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt

heivexl · 6 months

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ABOUT YOU ; L.HS

synopsis ; you dated your ex in middle school, breaking up because he moved different cities. its been 7 years, why were you still thinking about him? going to the beach you two use to hangout at you bumped into someone

warning ; cursing, mentions of sex ig?? lmk if anything else needs to be added!!

pairing ; non-idol!heeseung x fem!reader

a/n ; i need to stop writing exes to lovers, but this ones pretty short. I LOVE THIS SONG SM THOO

‘ It's somewhere I go when I need to remember your face. We get married in our heads, something to do while we try to recall how we met ‘

letting the moon illuminate from your skin as you walked on the beach dragging your feet into the sand. this is where you and your middle school sweetheart had always hung around fantasizing about your future, y’know like getting married, having kids despite being kids yourself, young love stuff. little did you both know what the future had in store.

“so what’d you wanna talk about?”

“y/n im leaving.”

out of habit you laugh playfully nudging him

“youre not getting me this time Hee”

“im serious y/n.”

turning to him you looked to see that in fact he was not joking.

“like forever leaving…?”

“forever leaving”

just sitting silence staring into each others eyes to see what you should say or do next you swear you could hear your heart crack.

his hand found your hand and held it intertwining his fingers in yours. “i hope you know i really do care about you. sure we’re young but you’ll always be in my heart” nodding you smile bitterly “i care about you too.” “lets just sit here and enjoy the moment.”

there you two were, two hopeless romantic middle schools drowning in their thoughts as they imagined their future together drowning too.

“heeseung?”

“hm?”

‘Wait (don't let go) and pretend (don't let go) . Hold on and hope that we'll find our way back in the end’

“promise me something”

“anything”

“dont forget me.”

he laughs making you turn over as he ruined the moment between you too

“as if i could forget about you, ill come back for you yeah? just dont leave this city, ill be back sooner or later”

“promise?”

“promise.”

as stupid as it sounds you kept your promise. you stayed in this small town and never left in fear that the day he that he came back you wouldve already lost. but its stupid. everyone tells you that he probably already forgot about you and has moved on but you believe other wise.

you dont know why but you did.

but tonight something in your stomach was telling you that it wasnt worth the wait anymore that a middle school boy whos probably in bed with someone else shouldn’t keep you from leaving this town that had nothing to give but memories that you were holding onto.

you bumped into someone making you stumble back a bit. a jumbles of ‘sorrys’ were said between you two. the hand reaches out to you which you accept getting up. moving your hair out of your face your eyes meet a pair that look quite alike to the boy youve been waiting for.

“y/n!”

click !

heeseung.

“you remember me?” you asked not being able to hide the fact that you were indeed shocked.

now he was looking at you equally as shocked

“do you think i’ve forgotten…”

he paused tilting his head

“about you…?”

he finished his sentence in a almost whisper tone

“no, no! im just shocked. i’m-“

you scrambled your words

“sorry.” you stop taking a deep breath

“its just been a while you know, im not sure how to react”

‘There was something 'bout you that now I can't remember’

his lips curved up as he let a low chuckle out. you stood in front of him examining his facial features, the ones that stayed and the ones that matured. he was still your heeseung just 22.

“about that…” he looks down at his feet almost ashamed “please don’t think i forgot or didnt wanna come back for you, it was quite the opposite really. i was just in a self conflict wondering if you had moved on and wanted me to leave you alone…you know? it was weird to think that you might have moved on with your life and are happy where you are right now and your middle school boyfriend just came back out of nowhere. it took a bit of courage but i remembered the promise i made you of coming back and…

and i wanted you to know i kept my word to you that i do care for you. a lot,”

‘It's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender’

damn.

hearing those words again made you grin as you proved yourself right, that he hadn’t moved it, it wasnt only you who kept that promise from 7 years ago. you could hear your heart beat through your ears normally that would be concerning but right now this was music to your ears

‘I never know what to think about’

“i…

i dont know what to think or say right now.”

he intertwined your hands the same way he did before and smiled at you

‘I think about you so don't let go’

“i will say i think about you all the time,”

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gorboble · 2 months

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So, Meta Flowey. Encore Flowey. whatever you wanna call it. I wanna discuss it rq

I believe I have a pretty solid explanation for the specimens (intentional by the devs or not,) and I've come to one conclusion: They're based on childhood fears. Let me explain each one.

Clay

This one is a bit obvious, at least to me. I think it's based on how kids will see claymation and get scared of it, you know? Like Mabel in that one episode of Gravity Falls. Might have something to do with Uncanny Valley.

Polygonal

Another obvious one. This is based on late 90's games when 3d was becoming a thing. The kind that is mostly good fun until one moment when the scariest enemy known to man comes out and has you quit the game for 6 months. Like Majora's Mask! Every kid was scared of that game, weren't they?

Patchwork

Creepy dolls, and such. Maybe just the slight discomfort you feel when you go into a room in grandma's house, the one where she sews blankets and toys. I always had a slightly unnerving feeling when it came to stuff like that. This one might be a little more personal, but it's valid.

Now, these next ones weren't so obvious. I had to do a little reaching for them.

Mechanical

It just wasn't quite obvious to me at first. This one is based on how heavy machinery may scare children and make them nervous. It's unknown and foreign to them. They don't know anything about it, but they have a feeling that they'll get hurt if they aren't careful with it (and they're right! machinery will kill you if you're not careful!)

Also guns. Guns can be scary to kids. I hope.

Organic

Now, I would say this one is the fear of doctor visits. But... it's gotta be more than that. You hear the beeping and see blood cells and such. You probably won't see that at a check-up. I think it's a bit deeper than that.

I think this is the fear of going to hospitals in general. A bit more serious than the doctor's office. It could be for a serious, painful disease the child has contracted, or... it could be visiting a loved one while they're in medical care, maybe after a horrible accident, or a terminal illness. The song supports this sort of dread regarding the inevitable loss of family. And the beeping at the end... yeah. This one is pretty grim.

Paper

specimen paper was the hardest phase to think about. Mostly because... who the hell out there is afraid of paper? I know there's a phobia for it, but it's rare.

So, I looked further into it. Paper airplanes and paper balls are flying around as attacks. And in the music? Laughter and talking.

I think this is bullying. It doesn't play into the... paper flowey, but I couldn't find any other fitting explanation. At least for this theory. Because, again, paper isn't exactly a common childhood fear that people have. Neither is bullying... but it's a huge issue in schools and is a lot more scarring than something you might find scary as a 6-year-old.

Also, note how Flowey doesn't move in this phase. Along with the organic phase. They feel really empty compared to the others, in a good way. It paints the picture of darker memories than just a scary enemy you encountered in SM64. It could also bring up some questions about Clover's past..

remember this post was entirely theoretical and probably not intended by the devs. i just wanted to write this lol. anyways i think im done. i wanted to make this post for a while now but i just now got to it at like midnight on a Friday ok byeeeee

#uty #undertale yellow #flowey #flowey the flower #flowey undertale #flowey uty #meta flowey #clover uty #clover undertale yellow #uty neutral route spoilers #uty spoilers #uty neutral route

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markets · 3 days

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For some reason this song will always remind me of the girl who will never realize what she did to me. i was always good friends with her ex boyfriend and she was always good friends with mine, and the way she acted around him sometimes bothered me once we broke up but i never said anything about it. one day she decided i was too close to hers and accused him of a bunch of stuff (none of which was true) while also saying god knows what to my ex about the whole thing even though he and i were still friends and im pretty sure a big reason why her ex would go to me for advice about their situation was because i was the only one of his friends who didnt tell him to just block her. i remember telling him that if he wanted to stop talking to me for the foreseeable future i genuinely wouldnt mind, because i didnt think it was worth all the trouble it was causing him. but he kept being my friend and ill always appreciate him for that

i would also constantly tell him to tell her to talk things out with me because i still considered her a close friend despite all the vile stuff she was doing to her ex months after they broke up, and she eventually did but i know she was just scratching the surface of what was really bothering her because her ex told me that before she even talked to me she'd already decided to just distance herself. sometimes he'd point out the hypocrisy in her getting mad at us being friends while she was close to my ex and i always told him to be careful, since i knew that she could easily twist that around to make me look jealous of their friendship even though, at this point in time, i wasnt anymore.

I now know that that's exactly what she did, since when my ex told me he couldnt be friends with me anymore he cited her as one of the main reasons. We used to be so close and then she got slightly mad at me and immediately went for two of my most important friendships, the worst part is i dont even think she realized she was doing it. i knwo i ruined my own life these past few months but if i were to blame anyone else, it would be her. She honestly scares me and i really dont ever want to talk to her again. And yet the other night i saw her crying on some stairs and ran to her. my ex boyfriend, who im not speaking to, came in from the opposite direction and asked me what i was doing, i said i was there to talk to her and he said ok you can talk to her then and i said no you can and he said no you can and walked away, i said "we both can" but he didnt hear me. I sat down next to her, gave her a hug, and asked what was wrong, she started talking about how her ex didnt care about her. when i assured her that he did, because he had no reason to talk to her if he didnt, she just shook her head. she kept talking and she was saying everything i was thinking about my own situation, and it almost made me cry until i remembered that she had everything i didnt, in every sense of the phrase. she had someone who cared about her, who wouldve been willing to stay with her if she hadnt done everything she did, who still loved her. I knew id fucked up but id tried so hard in ways she never had and yet i didnt have anything, not even my best friend. who she also had. I hated her so much in that moment but i just hugged her harder.

if she ever asks me about the whole thing ill tell her all this, and i know she'll pick out one small thing from it and use it to tell everyone im a horrible person, but i dont care anymore. Yesterday the planes over me were flying lower than ever and all i could think about was if any of them were going home

#angiemarkets.txt #Spotify

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candy8448 · 5 months

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It is done!

I've finally completed many month (maybe even over a year) mission of listening to all the zelda OSTs in release order (now it did take ages cuz i would spend forever between each ost and the longer ones would take so long to get through)

I compiled all my favorite tracks into one massive playlist, as well as covers that i like!

Now i am going to go over each ost and say my thoughts on them! Ill also be mentioning one or two tracks from each game that were really notable for me

(I didn't listen to Twilight princess or Spirit tracks because i dont want spoilers for when i play them)

The legend of Zelda:

The ost for this game is 9 mins long, drastic difference to totk with many MANY hours of music

Obviously a classic, the overworld theme. I really like the "game over" theme, its nice but the ringing of the NES boops hurts my ears so much

Adventure of Link:

I really like the final dungeon theme and the battle theme, so good to just jam to

A Link to the past:

Not much to say here, it set a bunch of classics, dark world theme is super good though and the great fairy fountain theme will always be welcome whenever i hear it, either as the great fairy or as the title screen (tbh i prefer it more as the title screen theme) and the title screen theme! When that bursts out i wanna scream, It fills me with so much nostalgia for this series as a whole

Link's awakening:

Now this one is difficult, because this game is my favorite game out of the games i haven't played just plot wise, but for some reason listening to the music was just super tiring for no reason. Now i was listening to the gameboy version but i tried the swith version and it was also tiring and tedious to listen to?? Im going to go through the switch version ost at some point in time.

You can never go wrong with tal tal hights though, and the ballad of the windfish is just 😭

Ocarina of time:

Im afraid to say anything on it because of the fans of it XD i did play a tiny bit of the game but got to Zora's domain as a child and stopped

Obviously it has a great soundtrack, it has a ton more classics like gerudo valley and such. I like Sheik's theme. The fire temple i am aware is controversial and i think that's the reason it makes me so unnerved when i listen to either version of it

My absolute favorite though is Song of storms (or windmill hut). The first time i heard it, it just stuck with me and i am taken in by it, it luls me, its like magic, im enraptured by it. I don't know what it is about this 20 second theme but i can listen to this on repeat for hours, its one of the first things i learned on piano, when i played the game i just stood in the windmil hut for ages. Such a good track...

Majora's mask:

SUCH an earie ost! I have been wanting to play this game forever. The vibes the ost is just perfect for this game. Clock town is obviously good and its cool how it gets more and more frantic as time goes on, you really feel like time is running out. Overall i think the whole soundtrack does amazingly at embodying this idea.

Oracle of Ages and Seasons:

The two tracks are very similar rhat i can't eeally do these two games separately. For some reason i have a bias towards seasons despite not playing either or really knowing the story??

I love that seasons has song of storms (for some reason), skull pirate's escape is good (oos), ambi's place (ooa) noice, Nayru's song is so nice, and i adore the "Zelda awakens" theme that's in both of them

I love how the tracks for these went back to the boopy style, it makes the themes just has a certain feel that i cannot put words to that feels so right. I have the feeling that when i play these games im going to have a great time with them

Wind waker:

Tbh, not for me, the style of the music is just not the kind of thing i like. Doesnt mean it doesnt have really good tracks though!! Cannot go wrong with dragon roost and i do like a track that i cannot remember the name of (but tbh that is just mostly because i really like the beat) and the Great Sea sailing theme does sound so freeing, you can feel the wind in your hair with that track. Its just that the rest of the music style is just not something i dig so much, its just a personal opinion.

Four swords:

I forgot about this game, and could not recall the ost at all. Had to open sime tracks again to listen to and tbh all i can say is... meh? The ost isn't too great... gotta give it credit for it's version of the overworld theme thoug, possibly one of the better different renditions?

Minish cap:

A cute little game, dont remember much of the soundtrack but i have quite a few saved from it so it must count for something, and i really like the "story" theme whenever i hear it and Mt. Crenel is okay

Phantom hourglass:

Again, it has a similar style to wind waker and i didn't really like it. Linebeck's theme though, what a wonderful character! ("Return of the Ocean King" is also decent)

Spirit tracks:

I did not listen to this soundtrack but the ost is just *chefs kiss* from the ones ive heard. The tracks "the sacred duet" and "battle with king Malladus" are the tracks that made me desperately want to play this game and i am still longing to play it because of these two tracks. I love how throughout the Malladus battle theme there is the constant chugging of the train on the track. I have no doupt that the rest of the ost will be this amazing. (The title theme is perfect, you really feel like you are on a racing train) ive since listened to "in the fields" and ooooooh i love ittttt i so cannot wait to play this game!

Skyward sword:

Man you KNOW i can ramble about this forever. My favorite Zelda game! I cannot put into words how much this game's ost makes me feel all of the emotions in the world, i can only list a few tracks that make me feel so much oooough

Ballad of the goddess (obviously), Romance in the air makes me all fluttery and happy, skyloft theme always feels like home, any version of fi's theme puts me in tears, Groose's theme he is such a silly guy, the loftwing flying theme is so nostalgic, Ghirahim's theme is so menacing, all the Lanayru tracks have such a certain zen feel, silent realm theme's have such a frantic echoey empty perfect feel to them which fit so well, and the guardians awaken theme will make me have a heart attack, and the song of the hero has so many feelings ive talked about before, so much that this track alone made me make a painting for the scene.

This game just stepped into another feel of zelda music with the orchestra, and it captures the grandios of this big, timeline setting adventure so amazingly. I cannot get enough of this game. Arguably one of the best Zelda OSTs in my opinion.

A Link between worlds:

Such a good ost in this game. Dunno what i can say apart for it is one of the better ost's in the series for some tracks alone. Ravio's theme, Hilda's theme, Yuga's theme, Lorule overworld, all the milkbar tracks (the fact that there is also ballad of the godess in there makes me so happy as well), so much of the game's ost is so good!

Triforce heroes:

Such a surprisingly great ost for a game that sounds so much like a fever dream. The main theme?!?!? The woodlands?!?!?!?!? I cannot stop listening to these two such a bop, go listen to them!

Breath of the wild:

Botw has no music???? What the heck???

The tracks are so good! Even all the ambient piano flourishes! It fits the atmosphere so well, but you've probably heared people saying all this before so onto some of my favorite tracks

All the champion's themes fit each one so well, main theme cannot not be good, i lobe how Tarrey Town's theme builds up with each character's home town. The divine beast themes are really cool sounding. Parasailing minigame theme is so fun! Guardian theme will also give me a heart attack, the memory get jingle, i miss Kass and his music so much, Korok forest is so :D, HYRULE CASTLE IS SO GOOD OH MY i love the marching feel. Dark. Beast. Ganon. THIS THEME IS CRAZY BRO that piano!??!!?? All the everything going together?!??!!? This fight may be a victory lap and super easy but it sure as hell has some fire music!!!

Tears of the kingdom:

I finally finished this ost today. It reuses a lot from botw, and tbh it is a little dissapointing how none of the village themes changed even if it does feel safe and familiar, and the surface is largely the exact same even though it is where we spend so much of our time.

There are obviously amazing tracks original to this game though. The main theme was so amazing to hear in full after so long of waiting! So was the prologue theme ("poor Hyrule, for Link has found the body" remember that???) All the dungeon themes have me in awe alongside the sage themes. Each one just fills me with so much ough. The dungeons and their themes were definatly a massive step up from the previous game. I ranked all the sage themes before in another post and go deeper into each one. Link humming while cooking is so cute! The big "BWAAA" when diving into the depths feels so cool and creepy. One of my favorite details is that in the forgotten temple, next to the goddess statue you can hear a broken up version of Fi's theme which im so happy for the sksw ref! It also supports my favorite hc that the forgotten temple is the sealed grounds from sksw! (As well as the reward you get fron that quest but we aren't talking abiut that)

!!!!End spoilers next!!!!!

In the lead up to the final dive into ganondorf's army, the track reminds me of Skyrim and it really does not fit in Zelda. I feel like they shouldn't have used that track. Ganondorf's fight theme is so cool, how at first it is quiet to just hear you two dueling in an echoey room and them builds up. AND HOW CAN YOU FORGET THE FINAL FALL?!?!?!? Such a PERFECT END its amazing how is blends so smoothly to create the perfect scene, all your emotions building up to the end!!! Such a perfect ending to the game. All the music in the end sequence in the Hyrule castle chasm really does do an amazing job of dialing up and down the tension and emotions at the right moments and building up everything until the very end when the credits start rolling.

Overall the ost is great considering all the new tracks!

So that is all the games (other than tp and st)!

Now on to all of the non-cannon games! 🥲

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bizlybebo · 2 months

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please use this ask to scream at me when you finish season 1 💜

I want to see your reactions

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUH HOLY SHIT.

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HIOLY HSIT.

god. so.

i finished season one at like 1am and it fucking tore me apart. i sat in silence and just stared at the wall for a HOT minute. i couldn't actually comprehend wtf i just witnessed.

and holy fuck i have some WORDS

first off.

ASHE WINTERS WHAT THE FUCK ASHE WINTERS HO YMGOD ASHE WINTERS I LOVE ASHE WINTERS MORETHAN ANYTHING ON THIS STUPID FUCKING GODFORSAKEN PLNET. SHES. SO. :((((((((((((((((((

ASHE WINTERS AND DAKOTA COLE/?? TLIKESRERJKHTAWKJR THEY WRE LITERLALY IN LOVE.

HOLY FUCK THE IMPACT THAT THIS IS GOING TO HAVE ON DAKOTA??

AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON WAVELENGTH. MARK LITERALLY LOST EVERYTHING. HIS SON. HIS FREEDOM. LIKE. WHAT THE FUCK. HOLY UFCK WHAT THE FUCK

IT'S SUCH A SUDDEN ENDING AND I LOVE/HATE IT SO MUCH. HOW SUDDEN THE LOSS IS MAKES IT FEEL THAT MUCH MORE REAL

BUT HOLY FUCK ASHEEEE. SHE MADE HTE GREATEST SACRFIICEEEEEEEEEE OH YM GODDDDDD. I GET PHYSICALLY ILL THINKING ABOUT HER. LITERALLY I WAS TELLING SAMMY THE OTHER NIGHT THAT I THOUGHT ABOUT ASHE WINTERS WHILE LISTENING TO A SAD SONG AND NEARLY THREW UP. SHES SUCH A BEAUTIFULLY PUT TOGETHER CHARACTER SHES SO FUCKING. AUTHENTIC. MY HEART BROKE A THOUSAND TIMES OVER.

THE TRICKSTER?? SO FUCKING METAL.

ASHE GAVE UP EVERYTHING TO SAVE HER FRIENDS.

SHE GAVE UP EVERYTHING TO SAVE HER FRIEDNSSSSS

SHE NEVER HAD FRIENDS BEFOREEEEE

SHE LOVED THEEEEMMM

THEY CARED ABOUT HER THEY CARED ABOUT HER THEY CARED ABOUT HER

SHE USED THE THING SHE HATED MOST ABOUT HERSELF TO SAVE EVERYBODY. SHE CARRIED HER GRIEF AROUND, LITERALLY. SHE HAD A PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF HER GRIEF IN THAT ONE PAGE OF HER BOOK, THE TRICKSTER. IT WAS ALWAYS IN HER POCKET. SHE COULD NEVER LET GO OF HER PAST CAN YOU HEAR MEEEEEEE

"IM TRYING."

"TRY HARDER."

AND SHE DID. SHE GAVE IT HER ALL.

SHEEE TRUSTED THEMMMM. SHE TRUSTED THE PRIME DEFENDERS TO TAKE CARE OF WHATEVER WAS TO COME FROM THIS.

AND WILLAIM TRIED TO BURN HER BOOK AUUAOGOUAHGOUAHGOU IM GONNA MAKE A SEPARATE POST SOON JUST ABOUT THAT BECAUSE OAOOAOOAGAGAGAGAUGHAUGAKRTEJRK HO,Y. FUCK OH MYOGD

AND DONT. GET. ME. STARTED. ON. WILLIAM. WISP.

HOLY SHIT.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

HE DIED. HE DIED AND HE CAME BACK AND HE JUST. HAS TO LIVE WITH THAT. AOGUHOAUGHAOUGHOAUGHA

AND. AUGHUHUHUHUGAHGUAHUGHUAGUHAGU HIM AND VYNCENT. FUCK I LOVE GHOSTKNIFE THEY MAKE ME SO HOMOPHOBIC.

DAKOTA COLE IS MY SHINING STAR HE IS ALL THAT IS BEAUTIFUL IN THIS WORLD AUHGUAHUUGHUG. FUCK

HE IDOLIZES HEROES SO GREATLY BUT THEY KEEP FAILING HIM. AND HES STARTING TO GET ANGRY. HES STARTING TO GET ANGRY BEACUSE HIS IDOLS WERE THERE. HIS IDOLS WERE THERE BUT THEY WERE TOO LATE. THEY SHOWED UP A MINUTE LATER, NOT A MINUTE BEFORE, THE WAY HEROES SHOULD.

AND OUGH. HOUOUUH. HIS BACKSTORY. FUCK

HE. HE. I CANT EVEN TALK ABOUT HIM I CANT PUT HIM INTO WORDS (SLASH VERY AFFECTIONATE AND POSITIVE)

"BUT I WASN'T DC BACK THEN."

"I CAN BARELY EVEN REMEMBER HER NAME. BUT I REMEMBER HER FACE."

"SHE WAS JUST A KID, TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM SOMETHING TOO."

DO YOU KNOW WHA TTHIS MEANS TO EMEEEE. WHAT HEEE MEANS TO MEEEEEEE. ADKOTA COLEEEEE. BOUCNING HIM AROUND IN MY BRAIN FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER

NEVER BEFORE HAS A CAMPAIGN MADE ME FEEL. SO MUCH. HERATBREAK AND LAUGHTER AND LOVE AND ANGUISH AND JOY.

IM IN PHYSICAL PAIN SLASH POSITIVE. THEYRE. SO. :((((

AND GOD. DEMONKICKS. FUCKCKKKCK THEY WERE IN LOVEEEEE THEY WERE IN LOVE THEY WERE IN LOVEEE

the final 40 minutes of s1 ep24 tore me apart.

absolutely nothing was resolved, but there was so little time left.

and then ashe pulled out that book, and the trickster was out, and ashe was waning, but there were only 5 minutes left.

and she was gone.

she is gone.

ashe winters is fucking gone and im actually going to cry aagain

#i literally havent gotten past episode 1 of the second season because im still so attached to season 1 #like waht the fuck #vixen rambles #vixen answers #jrwi #jrwi pd

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kellyscowboy · 25 days

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Hiii!! You’re my favorite ikeshot person! You write their personalities and dynamic so well!!

could you write something based on the song the 30th by Billie Eilish? the story behind the song is someone gets into a really bad car wreck(or accident of some sort) and the aftermath of it

hii!! i meant to answer this sooo long ago but i got caught up w/ school & have also been in a sims 4 grind LMFAO. thank you so much for this request!! i apologize if this is a little off from what you may have expected or what i have written in the past. it's been a hot minute since i've written this dynamic so pls bare w/ me :'). again, thank you so much for this request! i appreciate you & your support <33333

i wasn't sure if you wanted this to be modern!au or in the canon au, but i made it canon. so it doesnt EXACTLY follow the lyrics. but essentially follows the point of the song!! ALSO!! @sparkedblaze this is also for you because you are the reason i write for ikeshot <3

CW: blood mentioned, car accident mentioned, uhhh probably cussing i lowkey don't remember tbh, UHH sad gays idk i forgot how to do this

Hotshot couldn't help but stare. It made him sick to do so, but he couldn't stop. It was like watching a gruesome fight that you couldn't tear your eyes away from. Except it was Ike. His Ike. All bruised, cut, and bloodied; scrawled out pathetically on a hospital bed. He was all but disfigured. All but unrecognizable.

But often times he had this look about him, and Hotshot couldn't help but think he looked the exact same as he did before the accident. He would just look off into the distance, similar to how he used to look at the stars before everything. Occasionally he would squirm under his boyfriend's intense stare. But outside of that, he said and did nothing. He wouldn't move an inch until a nurse came to make him eat, or until Hotshot would force him to use the bathroom.

"We don't need ya kidneys to fail, now. You'se already been through enough."

It made Hotshot nauseous to take care of the boy. They had never been in this position before. Usually, it was Hotshot laid up with a broken bone or some odd illness nobody else got. And Ike was always right at his side. It didn't feel right when the roles were reversed. Not to either of them.

Ike was knocked out for a long time. The doctors and nurses started to doubt he would ever wake up. They had begun to prep Hotshot for the worst, not that he ever listened to them. All he did was sit, stare, and pray to whatever god was listening that his boy would wake up.

When he did finally wake up, the hospital was in a frenzy. There was a hushed, excited buzz about the air. All the nurses would linger by the doorway of his room and gossip about his 'miraculous awakening.'

The second his eyes opened, he was bombarded with numerous questions from the doctors. They were long, confusing questions that contained words that Hotshot could hardly believe were real. Ike was quickly overwhelmed. Tears teetered on the brink of his eyes and his breathing became rapid.

"Would ya stop pesterin' him for a second? He just woke up! What's wrong with the lotta ya? Huh? Ain't you supposed to be professionals? Let the boy breathe!" Hotshot yelled as he jumped to his feet. "He ain't just some medical miracle, alright? He's a person just like you 'n me. Give 'im a second."

One by one, the doctors and nurses began to shuffle out of the room. Each one glancing over their shoulders as they left. Hotshot could hear their gossiping whispers outside the door as he sat down closer to Ike.

"What's happenin'?" Ike asked. His voice was small, hoarse, and confused.

Hotshot furrowed his eyebrows and grabbed his lover's hand. "What'dya mean? Dont'cha remember? You was hit by one of them fancy new electric carriages."

Ike's initial confusion turned into a quick look of horror as he caught a glimpse of his bruised arms. "But... I'm alive right? I'm here? This is real?" The boy had started to freak out. He analyzed his arms, turning them every which way. He leaned forward, wincing as he did, and yanked the cover off his legs. It wasn't a pretty sight, and Hotshot had to stop himself from dry heaving just from seeing his boyfriend in such a state.

Gently, Hotshot pulled the blankets back over the boys legs. "You'se alright, Ike. For a couple of days there, I was worried. You'se was knocked out cold. But ya alive now. That's all that matters. You're alive." He wanted to do something. Squeez the boys hand, give him a pat on the leg... something. But he couldn't in fear of hurting the boy further. So, he just nodded and flashed him a forced, tight smile. "I think ya oughta lay down. You get yourself too worked up sometimes. It'll get worse if ya don't relax a little."

The other boy couldn't help but let out a laugh. He grabbed his chest in pain after he did. "Sounds like somethin' I'd usually tell you."

"Right." Hotshot rolled his eyes fondly. "Well, I reckon them so-called professionals out there are gonna wanna ask ya some questions. I'll make sure they go easy on ya, yeah?"

Ike nodded and closed his eyes as the other boy got up to let the doctors back in. He took a deep breath, once again wincing in pain, and prepared himself for the horror that would be the next few minutes.

Hotshot often felt ashamed when looking back on the day of the accident. None of it was his fault. He was often reminded by the Brooklyn boys that there was no way he could've known. But he felt as though he should've. That he should have seen the conjugation of people and he should've known. He should've listened to his gut telling him it was someone he knew. Someone important. Should've ran up and helped. But he didn't.

"It was a Tuesday, Hotshot." Spot had told him in the hospital. "Ya never could'a known. He ain't never come over to visit on a Tuesday. 'Specially not so early. Quit beatin' yerself up about it."

Even Mike had come and talked to him. Usually, they just sat there together in complete silence. But even Mike knew it wasn't his fault. "Listen, I know we ain't close but I gotta talk to ya about this. Spot told me what happened. That you'd seen the accident but didn't think nothing of it and..." He paused. Hotshot prepared himself to get screamed at. Berated for being an absolute idiot and not helping the others brother. But the ambush never came.

"It ain't ya fault," Hotshot continued. "Honest. Ya know I'd scream and kill ya if it was. Ain't no way you coulda took one look at the scene and knew it was him. Hell, I'm his twin brother and I didn't even get the sense that something was wrong 'till Scram came runnin' to tell the news." He sighed again and took another pause. "Even if ya had known. Even if ya had gone and tried to help, what could you have done? Huh? Ya ain't a professional. Situation woulda been the same any way about it."

Hotshot nodded. He understood them. He understood everyone who had come to talk to him. Deep down, he knew it wasn't his fault. But he couldn't stop beating himself up about it.

He relived the day in his head almost every single night. It was a normal Tuesday. Up as early as the birds, carrying the banner and collecting pity from people wandering the streets. He had seen the commotion early in the day. In fact, it had been right after he had bought his papers for the day.

It's far too early for this, he recalled thinking. There was always something going on in New York. Especially in Brooklyn and especially around the circulation buildings. Typically, it was a rough fist fight between two newsies, and at its worst it was a robbery of some sort. But neither of which would cause such a big commotion nor gathering of police and medical personnel.

Hotshot knew deep down something was wrong. He felt drawn to the accident, but he put it aside as his love for fights. Which is what he assumed it was. A big fight that got out of hand. Maybe one that had contanied multiple newsies instead of just two, or that had somehow gotten an adult of importance involved.

But he ignored the calling to the scene. He had a stack of papers on his bicep and they weren't going to sell themselves. Besides, the quicker he was done with work the quicker he could join Ike at Jacobi's. He hadn't even really thought of stopping to see what had happened. Just that it might be something interest, but not something he could be bothered to stop for.

Just thirty minute later, he heard Scram's pattering feet behind him. He turned quickly on his heel, looking down at the boy. He had a horrified look on his face and his cheeks were stained with tears. The boy began to speak, sputtering and rambling over himself. "It's- Ike- Well, he- It was a car- And-"

Hotshot's blood ran cold at the mention of Ike's name. The papers on his arm hit the ground with a thump and sent dust flying into the air around them. "Ike? What about Ike?" Scram began to cry again, flailing his arms and pointing behind him. Hotshot's heart sank. "Scram, spit it out! I need to know what happened!"

"There was an- an accident! He got hurt, real bad. Barely looks alive. He keeps askin' for ya! Ya gotta go! Quick! They're loadin' him into the ambulance!"

"Where, Scram? Where?"

Scram's face was red and covered in snot. "Right outside the circulation building!"

Hotshot's heart sank even farther, something he hadn't believed to be possible. "Listen to me, Scram. Listen good. You go run and you don't stop running 'till you find Mike, alright? You tell him everything. You tell Manhattan everything. Okay?" He didn't even wait for the boys response.

He abandoned his dropped papes as he sprinted as fast as he could back to the circulation building. As he arrived at the scene, he couldn't help but be angry. He pushed his way through the crowd, screaming obscenities and demanding they let him into the ambulance. Police tried to hold him back when he finally made it to the front.

"He's been asking for me! They told me he's been asking for me! I'm Hotshot! Ya gotta let me in!" Hotshot screamed. "His family's all the way in 'Hattan! Ya can't let him go alone! He'll be scared!" Before he could stop himself, he screamed: "Ya can't let 'im die alone!"

Upon hearing the last bit—and discussing the boys name, which the injured boy had been groggily repeating over and over again—the officers let the boy through. Hotshot climbed into the back of ambulance and gripped onto the other boys hand.

"Ya think I'm gonna die?" Ike sputtered out, blood covering his mouth. "I- Mike's gonna be so mad. He ain't gonna have no-one."

Hotshot realized what he had yelled previously and began to panic. "Nah, nah. Ya ain't gonna die, Ike. You'se too strong to, okay? I just said that so they'd let me through. That's all. You'se gonna be just fine."

"I'm scared, Hotshot. I'm really scared."

"Hey, don't say that. You'se gonna be alright. Don't be scared. I ain't! I know you'se gonna be just fine. Okay." But the truth was, Hotshot was horrified. He hadn't been so scared in his entire life. He dropped his voice to a whisper as he continued to speak. "Ya still look so pretty, ya know that? Gorgeous, Ike. Ya gorgeous."

After hearing Hotshot's whispers, the boy took a deep, choked breath and closed his eyes.

After Ike finally woke up, he often thought aloud about what would've happened among different circumstance. Hotshot hated hearing it. He hated thinking about how, if the situation had only been slightly different, Ike could've died.

"What if it had been on Thursday? Someone else coulda been drivin' it. Goin' faster, not have slowed down or stopped. Coulda taken me straight into the next life."

"Would ya stop that?" Hotshot muttered. His face was deep in his hands.

Ike paused for a couple of minutes before speaking up once again. "I coulda been on ya bridge. They coulda sent me straight over into the water. I don't even know how to swim now. Imagine it with broken bones..."

"Ike."

"I coulda been in that neighborhood where all them families lived. Some little kid coulda found me and not told anyone cause they'd be scared they'd get in trouble or something."

"Ike."

"If it had been winter and it was snowing or rainin'. And the car had skidded, lost control. Hit me full speed."

Hotshot had started to tear up and his composure was breaking. "Ike, please." He begged in a broken voice.

But Ike couldn't help himself. He was spiraling. "Or if I was on one of them backroad nobody goes on. Nobody woulda even seen it happen. If just a small little thing was different, I'd probably be-"

"Ike!" Hotshot finally yelled. "Stop. You need to stop. I can't keep doin' it. Can't keep listenin' to ya kill yaself in your daydreams. You're alive, okay? You're alive. So just shut up! Because there's no life, no reality where I'm letting ya die. Alright? Especially not at the hands of some rich idiot's fancy car. So just... stop."

Ike nodded, his voice small. "Sorry. I just... I'm just freaking out. I dunno if I'm meant to be alive right now."

Hotshot sighed. "Listen. You'se the great person alive." He sat down and gently took ahold of his boyfriends hand. "If anyone in this world's meant to be alive, it's you. Alright?" He kissed Ike's hand and wiped at his eye with his own hand. "You're alive, Ike. Don't think about anything else. We got a buncha years ahead of us. Don't worry 'bout nothin' else."

6 notes · View notes

baekluvie · 2 years

Text

obsession | chapter 6

pairing: reader x baekhyun

word count: 13k

genre: yandere au | this is heavily inspired by the show 'you'

tag list: @mayboy @vishary15 @greasywall @loversmantra @cityexos @kavvs @prettyboybaek @byunds

(let me know if you want to be tagged ^^)

warnings for this chapter: murder, mental illness(s), mention of death(s), implied violence, violence, manipulation, mature language, obsessiveness

do not read if: you are triggered by any of the warnings i listed prior. this fic will contain this theme throughout the chapters. if you are not comfortable with that; please skip this post. please remember this is a work of fiction.

viewer discretion is advised

playlist for this chapter:

space song - chanyeol's pov

ylang ylang - chanyeol's pov

heather - junmyeon's pov (this song fits perfectly for junmyeon in this im crying)

doin' time - baekhyun pov

blood // water - baekhyun pov

(a/n): this chapter is waaaay longer than i planned it to be. but nonetheless it was very fun to write. a little evil i won't lie lol. but THIS means i won't be ending it anytime soon, there's so much i need to unfold to you guys hehe. but i hope you guys enjoy this and don't hate me too much for it. love u guys. like always, replies are open. please send me messages, requests, your thoughts! always appreciated! reblog and like as it really helps me out. have fun reading!

Chanyeol POV

He didn't have any motivation to get up. He wanted to simply stay in bed, sulk and complain to himself that he put himself in the situation; there was no going back from any of it. But instead, on a well deserved day off, he was shaken from his dark thoughts with the sound of his phone going off. Chanyeol grunted as he moved his body to lay on his side, facing the bedside drawer next to his bed. He watched as his phone began to light up in the dark room, the only source of light coming from the windows, broadcasting beautiful Seoul within his sight. He could never complain about the view, the tall buildings never seeming to end, the way the horizon broke through the bland identical towers; furthermore proving just how successful he was, living in his own loft in one of the most expensive areas around.

So he grudgingly picked up his phone, his eyes squinting from the brightness. He lets his fingers trace some of the scratches that were on the screen, doing so while he read the multiple messages he was receiving.

(4 New Messages)

(7 New Messages)

(8 New Messages)-

"Fuck, I get it." He opened up his phone lockscreen, bringing him to the plethora of texts.

We need to talk.

I'm kind of freaked out man

what the fuck

Jun is fucking pissed

did you know that?

i don't want to deal with his depressed ass

are u up

r u jacking off

Instead of just replying back, Chanyeol pressed the contact profile and brought his device to his ear. He yawned, stretching out his long limbs on his white bedsheets. This wasn't exactly anything new to him, in fact, he was honestly used to it at this point. Especially when it came to... well, him.

"Dude?"

"What, Sehun."

"Did you read my texts?"

"Do you think I'd be calling you on my day off if I didn't?" He scoffed.

Sehun laughs on his end, making Chanyeol break into a smile as well.

"We have to meet up. Like anywhere. I don't care. But we need to talk about-"

Chanyeol suddenly feels flushed, his heart drops, not wanting to even hear the name.

"No. I don't want to talk about him. I'm done with him."

He bundles a fistful of sheets in his grasp, his teeth already gritting together. The dull reminder of his last encounter with Baekhyun is still evident in his features. Chanyeol could talk about anything else; anyone else. But even so, in the back of his head, he knew that he could never really escape his best friend. Like he was dreading moments earlier, the truth, moreso, he could never go back. He bites his bottom lip, looking up angrily to his ceiling.

Sehun doesn't say anything, his breath coming out in ragged breaths.

Chanyeol's eyebrow raises, frustration building in his chest.

"What the fuck is it?"

"Well you said not to talk about him-"

"Yeah well, it seems like this matter won't be solved if I'm not involved so I don't think I have a fucking choice, huh?"

"It's about Y/N."

Chanyeol sits up abruptly as he grips the phone tighter.

"What about her?"

"Please... not on the phone. I'm too freaked out by him, dude. He could be listening or something."

"Sehun, he's not that fucking smart. Don't give him credit for something he can't even do."

"He might not be that smart, yeah. But he has connections, man. Why don't I just come over?"

And that's how Chanyeol ended up on his day off; sitting in his living room with his black robe on; drinking some coffee as Sehun poured out everything that had occured a couple days prior.

"Baekhyun... you have to stop him, Chanyeol. He changed Y/N. I don't even know how- but dude. She's not answering any of my texts- my calls. She always lets me know how she's doing. This is completely out of character."

Sehun ran his hand through his quiffed up hair, shaking his head slightly as his eyes tore into Chanyeol's. They were bloodshot, dark circles sprinkled underneath them. Sehun was young, just a fucking kid. He shouldn't have to be worrying about someone, he already has enough to deal with; a stressful job, debt, and now another thing to pile on top of that... Chanyeol was afraid he was going to break if he didn't do something.

He sighed to himself as he placed his coffee mug on the glass table in front of his couch. He notices how Sehun's was left untouched, the steam no longer pouring from the rim. He lets his body rest in the cushions, crossing his arms together as his eyebrows furrowed together.

"So you're telling me that Baekhyun killed someone- again. This isn't anything new, Sehun. What do you want me to do about a case that's already been reviewed and written off as a suicide?" His foot taps against the floorboards quickly.

Sehun shrugs, scratching his arm and looking around skittishly.

"I- I don't know. I feel like there's something different about it this time around. Y/N covered for him. She looked off, there was blood on her too."

This piqued his interest. He leaned into the conversation, his hands clasping together.

"She had blood on her? What, so... what are you trying to say? That Y/N killed her?"

The younger one licked his lips, diverting his attention to his abandoned coffee.

"I don't want to assume-"

Chanyeol grabbed his mug and threw it across the living room, the sound of it crashing against the wall echoing in the empty loft. Sehun squirmed in his seat, wincing as Chanyeol walked up to him and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. He turns his head to the side as his lips curl up, a quiet sob escaping from his throat. Chanyeol shook him, tightening his firm grasp on the other's shirt, making him look directly at him.

His own nose was flaring, his teeth grinding against another, the only emotion he felt was complete, and utter desperation. He needed to know what this could actually be about; if it was true, and God, he really hoped that it wouldn't be, so he could possibly save you. He wished someone could have saved him when he got interloped with Baekhyun.

"No games, Sehun. I'm being fucking serious. If you think that she was capable of doing that- you need to fucking tell me."

His words came out like bullets, firing each and every single one into Sehun's head. When he still doesn't say anything, Chanyeol yells at him, spit flying in multiple directions. He lets go of him, pushing him back on the chair he was sitting in before. He turns his back to him, bringing his hand to cover his mouth, holding onto his lips as he looks around in anger. Sehun's sobs were getting on his nerves, but not because it was annoying; because Chanyeol knew that they were a submission of guilt, the truth. Sehun knew that you were the one who did the heinous crime, he just didn't want to believe it. Chanyeol was used to the never ending cycle of Baekhyun's killings, fuck, he would be nervous if he wasn't calling him in the middle of the night to help him dispose of a body. But Sehun wasn't like him, he wasn't able to confront the truth like Chanyeol could. He was too innocent, he couldn't grasp the understanding of someone killing another just because.

"I- I don't want her to get in trouble, Chan. You have to understand-"

He spins around, rushing forward toward Sehun, getting down on his knees and holding the other's legs. The poor kid was a wreck, his lips formed into a pout, tears drenching his cheeks, his nose a shade of red. He tries to relax his features, his voice hitching as he speaks to him slowly.

"If she did this, we can't let her do it again. You have to understand Sehun."

He shook his head, putting his own hands over Chanyeol's, his knuckles a shade of white.

"No, please. She can't go to jail, she's just confused- he's fucking maniuplating her. We just need to kill him-"

Chanyeol lets his head dangle down, a broken chuckle leaving his lips.

Sehun shakes him a little, his frazzled state becoming overwhelmed at this point.

"Chanyeol- we- we can do this. We can get away with it. I've thought about it-"

Chanyeol doesn't bring his head up as he cuts him off.

"We'd be no better than him. Don't you get it?"

A beat.

He looks back up with a heartfelt smile, a single tear falling from his eye.

"In everything, he wins. He will always win."

Sehun gapes at him, his tears falling on Chanyeol's hands. He purses his lips together, shaking his head. He pushes himself off the chair, grabbing his phone that was left on the table, pausing to look down at Chanyeol. He was frozen in place still, his knees scraping across the floor, still staring at the empty space that once held another body.

"If you won't help me kill him, I'll do it myself."

He starts to walk out, freezing as his hand reaches the doorknob. Chanyeol turns his head then, staring at the back of his friend; his brother. His lip trembles as he blinks back more tears, his vision of him becoming blurry.

"Sehun. Please. Don't."

"You know. I always looked up to you. You were always so composed, so... unreachable. I always felt like I was close to you though. You're so admirable, Chan. I think that's why I liked you so much, why I wanted to be a part of your life. But now," He turns back to look at Chanyeol, his eyes red as he hesitates.

"You're nothing to me. I will never be what Baekhyun is to you. And in some, twisted way, you're worse than him. Because I know if I asked Baekhyun; if you, were the one fucking killing innocent women, he would do it without me convincing him. Do you know why? Because that's what friends do. And you're no fucking friend."

Chanyeol lets out a foreign, uncontrolled crack of his voice. He reaches his hand out to Sehun, crawling towards him as he begins to cry.

"Please, you have to understand-"

Sehun opens the door, standing in the doorframe, back once again turned to face Chanyeol.

"You can't even be loyal to something as small as your best friend."

And that hits Chanyeol right in the heart. He pauses his movements, his nose congested, his chest tight. The same words his own father distastefully instilled in him over and over again. It was back; the haunting feeling of being nothing but the shadow of his father. The same man who didn't care for his own family, his friends. He was truly, and utterly, exactly like him.

Everything he worked so hard for, it was all for nothing. He never wanted to be like the man who brought him into this world, but as he watched Sehun's silhouette disappear from his sight, he knew that it was over.

He starts to laugh now, the dreadful noise bouncing off the walls. His body hits the floor, and he brings his knees up to his chest, circling his arms around them. His tall frame shakes as his laughter shakes his entire being.

"Like father, like son." He whispers to himself.

Junmyeons' POV

"Hello?"

Junmyeon sat at his desk, plucking through some documents that were placed in front of him moments prior. He licks his indent finger, thumbing through a flurry of white papers, his eyes skimming the words quickly. He pauses his actions as he hears the recognizable voice on the other end of the line, relaxing in his chair and smiling.

"You okay? I can't talk for long, I'm swamped in a burglary case-"

"I really need to talk to you right now. In private."

He clicks his tongue, looking at the workload he was about to dive into. His fingers drum against the desk, he brings his left arm up to examine his watch. He was expected elsewhere on his lunch break, but the immediate worry in his friend's voice alarmed him.

"How important can it be, Sehun?"

"Too important. Can you meet me or not?"

Junmyeon frowns.

"I was actually planning on meeting Y/N at a cafe nearby the station. You could accompany us if you want?"

Sehun's voice hitched to a different octave, and Junmyeon sits up in his chair, absentmindedly looking off with a concerned expression.

"T-that's fine. It's better actually. Can you maybe go on your break now?"

Junmyeon lowers his voice to a whisper, his eyes flickering outside his office, watching his staff behind their own desks typing away.

"What is this about, Sehun?"

"I'm going to tell the truth."

Junmyeon covers his mouth, feeling both unsure and nervous.

"The truth?"

"I can't say anything else on the phone. Just trust me. You're going to want to hear this."

He doesn't say anything else to Sehun, bringing the phone away from his ear and clicking the end button. He sets his device face down on the desk, pushing himself away from the dilemma he knew was unfolding. His eyes go back to the sight of people working, his lips puckering as his mood soured. He got up from his seat, taking long strides to his window, bringing his hand to close the blinds.

Once the blinds were completely closed, he turned around to face the full length windows on the other side of the room, letting the warmth of the sun absorb into his skin. He sighs as he walks towards them, his eyes watching as cars zoomed by on the street, a couple walking hand in hand together. His lips tighten together to form a stubborn frown, his arms behind his back, hands clasped together. He starts to think about his encounter with Baekhyun. He ponders on him, remembering his scent, the small details of blood underneath his fingernails. He feels his lip twitch as he can almost smell the disgusting stench of death on him; and yet how another human being can simply dismiss it, be almost accustomed to it, could talk so carelessly.

He then remembers seeing you. A small hiccup of his heartbeat pounding against his chest startles him. He almost feels embarrassed, and he coughs to regain his thoughts. You were overflowing with anxiety that night, the strucken nerves you displayed filled to the brim and threatening to topple over. He could never forget that, most importantly since you have never been like that in front of him. You were always able to talk to him with the utmost confidence, and that was something he admired about you. Most of his employees were too nervous to even look him in the eye.

But you?

You got under his skin, interrupted his thoughts. You didn't care for his position of power, in fact you challenged it. He brushed it aside as being proud of you. You were another person who exchanged the same morals as him, the same mindset. You were a person who didn't let any obstacle stand in your way... you stood for what was right. And somehow along the way, he forgot you were his subordinate. That you weren't just someone he was able to chat and get some drinks with. The undeniable feeling that you were different from other women, you were yourself.

And your own self was captured by him.

He didn't know exactly when this exact feeling arose in him. He could probably pinpoint one memory, something that he replayed in his mind when work was beginning to become too much for him. He smiles at the sky, reminiscing.

After a long shift, the two of you decided to go get some drinks.

"I told you I would get them. And here you were, not believing in me. I'm hurt."

You sat next to him at the bar, three shot glasses in front of both of you. You had shoved him with your left arm softly, and Junmyeon could already feel his face warming up from the last shot he gulped down his throat. He shook his head, hissing from the bitter taste of vodka left on his taste buds. He chuckles to himself, raising his hand to the bartender, issuing another round of shots.

You tilted your head to look at him, and Junmyeon cocked his to match. Your cheeks were probably a brighter red than his, your skin glowing. Small lines crinkling next to your eyes appear, and you break out into a large smile.

"What? Not going to say anything to that? Come on, you have to fight back!"

He tossed his hands up, smirking.

"What can I say? You were right. I shouldn't have doubted you."

You nod, giggling to yourself. The small clear shot glasses are placed in front of them, and Junmyeon grabs it without hesitation. You followed suit, spinning your chair so you were facing him fully. You raise the disgusting poison that would fill your bodies up, waiting for him to do so as well. He gave in, shaking his head and closing his eyes. He suddenly feels your hand on his cheek, and that makes his eyes shoot up to meet yours. He freezes in that moment, fully taking in how the wind blew your hair to the right. You were shaking your head as you laughed, your eyes twinkling like the stars in the sky.

But Junmyeon thought they couldn't really compare to them anyways.

His clouded mind doesn't even register what you were saying, so he has to ask you again what you had said.

You blinked at him, not breaking the smile on your face.

"I said, thank you for being in my life. You're the best thing to come out of this job, I finally found someone that makes police work something to get out of bed for. I'm happy I can come in and see you in your office. What makes me even happier is knowing that I'll always be by your side."

He stutters a bit, blinking rapidly, becoming too self aware of his heart beating out of his chest.

"T-true that."

You give him a disgusted look then, bringing the shot to your lips and tilting your head back. A small yelp escapes your lips after you gulp down the liquid, closing your eyes as you shake from side to side.

"Don't ever say that again. You sound like my dad trying to be hip."

"Hey! Don't compare me to your dad. It's gross." He rolls his eyes as he copies you, feeling lightheaded as he slams the cup on the table.

There was an awkward silence for a couple of minutes before he mustered up the confidence to speak again.

"I'm happy too."

You look at him, your eyelids drooping down as you smack your lips together drunkley.

"Huh?"

He bites his tongue, almost doesn't want to finish what he wanted to say. But with the alcohol in his system, he shakes away the alarms ringing in his head and lets the truth flow from his dry lips.

"I mean... I'm happy you're in my life. You're quite possibly the best person I've met. I think you're great, you- you're amazing. I want to be the person you can talk to about anything, I want to be there for you when you feel like everyone is against you. I can be that guy that you can call in the middle of the night when you had a fucking nightmare, I- I don't know. You're different."

Your eyes widen at that, your expression that was onced filled with happiness was replaced with one of curiosity. The way you stared at him made him feel like a creep, and even though you wouldn't be able to notice it through his already red face, a blush sneakily creeped in. He waved his hands off, shaking his head as he laughed it off.

"Nevermind. I'm drunk. You should probably get home."

He grabbed his black jacket that was draped around the chair he sat on, reaching for your hand to usher you out with him. You take it gently, and Junmyeon doesn't miss how you had continued to stare at him, not even when you both stepped into the street and began to walk into the night.

He brings the both of you to a halt when you reach your car. You rubbed your hands over your arms, obviously cold from the chilly night. He raises his eyebrow at you, pursing his lips.

"Are you cold?"

You shake your head as you stumble in place, laughing.

"I'll be fine. I've got thick skin."

He shakes his head as well, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around your shoulders. You look at him as he adjusts it over your small frame, and he smiles as he takes a step back to get a good look at you. He lets out a snort, his teeth fully broadcasted to you. You squirm as you fit your arms into the sleeves, looking down as they fully sink in. Junmyeon laughs at the sight, the way your hands aren't even visible once the garment settles on your body.

"I knew you were small but not that small."

You stick out your tongue, flinging the extra fabric towards him, giggling as he dodges it.

"Well, I guess I should get going."

Junmyeon frowns.

"You're not driving."

Your eyebrows hitch up.

"How am I getting home then?"

He brings his finger up as he reaches in his pocket, bringing out his phone. He brings up the familiar number to a cab service he could almost memorize at this point; too used to calling them when he got too drunk himself.

With a quick explanation to where they were at, he slips it back into his slack's pocket. He then fishes out his wallet while you stare at him, still flinging the ends of the sleeves from side to side. He takes out a couple of bills, then walked towards you and stretched his hand out. You looked down at it, then back up at him.

"I could just call Kyungsoo to pick me up. I'd feel bad about taking your money."

You barely whisper out.

He shakes his head, his eyes resting on your lips for a mere second.

"Don't do that. I can take care of you."

He didn't mean for that to come out so sensually, it just felt normal in this moment to speak to you like that. Maybe it was because he was drunk, the way he simply didn't care. You didn't say a word as you took the money from his palm, and maybe Junmyeon imagined it, but your fingers stayed a second longer on his.

You took a step forward, looking up at him. Your features softened, a gentle smile delivered straight to his heart.

"Thank you, Myeonnie."

He could feel the warmth radiating off your body, the way the both of you were so close to one another. So he offers his own smile, nodding his head. He coughs to break the tension he was feeling, and your smile falters then. He turns around, dipping his head to look in both directions of the street. He waits until he spots a pair of headlights tumbling down the narrow road, and he waves his hand in the air.

He watches as you walk next to the vehicle, your hand reaching the handle. You suddenly pause, and Junmyeon looks at your stilled body in confusion. Before he could register anything else, he feels your arms wrap around his waist, pulling him into your embrace. He doesn't know what to do with his hands, just keeps them at bay on either side of his torso. The man in the cab looks at him questiongly, then flashes him a toothy grin. He mimics hugging someone, then points at him to do the same.

"When someone hugs you... you hug 'em back." You slurred against his chest.

Your words vibrated against his skin, and he's worried that you would feel just how fast his heart was pumping. So he rashfully swings his arms around you as well, pulling you in tighter. He rests his head on top of yours, bringing his right hand to comb your hair. His nose catches the scent of lavender, and he closes his eyes, taking it in. He wasn't weird, not at all. Employees can hug. They could definitely enjoy the smell of their shampoo too; especially since it was probably a great brand. Yeah, that was it. He just was entranced by whatever product you used... not you. Couldn't be.

You pulled back from him, your arms disappearing from his waist. He almost wanted to pull you back in, but he knew anything more than that could be worse for him. So he doesn't say anything else when you finally get inside the car. He waves you off, watching your face brighten as you wave excidelty back. He shoves his hands in his pockets, the red tail lights staining his face, morphing the evidence of the reddish hue of a blush.

"I can't wait to see you tomorrow." He breathes out heavily into the night.

He replays you saying the nickname you gave him repeatedly in his head, smiling to himself as he sinks into his car. He remembers thumping his fingers tirelessly against the wheel, his head resting against the carseat. He fell asleep in his vehicle that night. It was the best sleep he had ever gotten in his entire life.

And he had a great fucking mattress at home.

But for some reason the stiff and uncomfortable leather wasn't that bad. He wouldn't mind a bad back if it meant that he was able to see you. Junmyeon-

"Junmyeon?"

He snaps back into reality, his eyes focusing on what was once a bright blue sky, now overcast with gray clouds, leaving the city to be shadowed by the rainy weather. He turns around, making sure to keep his composure; not letting his wandering thoughts display on his face. It was Jisoo, Y/N's assistant. She bowed, flattening down her navy blue skirt.

"Your phone has been going off, sir. Y/N left me a message to let you know she was trying to get in touch with you."

He nodded, then waved her off. She closes the door behind her, and Junmyeon rushes over to his desk, hurriedly picking up his phone. He opens up his text message inbox and clicks over your contact.

hey, sehun let me know he's coming. did you know that?

he also said we'd be meeting sooner than we planned. 2:30?

see you soon, :)

He sighs, letting his fingers roam through his hair. He brings his watch up again, 2:00.

"Fuck you, Sehun."

Junmyeon let everyone know that he'd most likely be back later, and to his approval, no one fought him on it. As he drove to the cafe, he thought about how you would have angrily combated him, probably stomping your feet as you whined about him being behind on his work. He missed having you in the office; and that was the main reason he asked you to meet him today. Sure, the station was well run on his watch, but he needed the stability for himself back. Which mainly came from you; keeping him on his toes and breathing down his back 24/7.

He wouldn't lie to himself. He was nervous texting you. The two of you hadn't spoken that much, especially when he had issued for you to go on an extended leave. Sure, he had seen you at the crime scene and chatted, but there was an obvious piece of shit glued right by your side. It didn't feel the same.

You didn't feel the same.

He parked his car, running over his appearance in the rearview mirror. He looked beat, but that was mostly because he hadn't been sleeping well. He hated to admit it, but most of his nights consisted of thinking about Baekhyun. The chilling looks he gave him... the way he spoke to him like he was beneath him. Obviously, it didn't faze him in the slightest, he was used to seeing deadbeat criminals on an everyday basis. Not that he was a criminal, but, the aura he radiated was one of them, most precisely. The man was off.

He wasn't like anyone he met before.

But there was something that Junmyeon recognized.

He could recognize it so well. It was like reading a book, the way Baekhyun was able to cover his emotions so delicately, so routinely. He did it himself. The mask of mystery was something he prided himself in, especially when it came to his own feelings towards you. He was able to contain his anger, fester it inside of him and let it diminish whenever he commanded it to. Except when it came to Baekhyun.

"Get him out of your head." He sternly told himself.

He was there to see you. Not Baekhyun.

There wasn't any reason for him to think about your... boyfriend. Which- that was still getting some used to on Junmyeon's part. He didn't understand it, and couldn't accept it. The whole arrangement seemed too forced, even seemed too perfect. Two people who had the unfortunate burden of their significant others passing away. What a tragic way to tell people how you met.

He stepped out of his car, locking it behind him as he ventured towards the cafe he had recommended. He pulled the collar of his jacket out, the same jacket that he adorned on you the night you both had gotten drinks. Junmyeon turned the corner, his Hermès black loafers clacking against the pavement. His sight lands on the back of his friend; Sehun.

He stood outside the cafe, looking down at his phone. Junmyeon covers both sides of his mouth with his hands, yelling out his name. The younger man perks his head up, looking in the direction of his name being called. He immediately lets his shoulders drop, Junmyeon taking into account that his stress levels must be high. Once he's at arm's length, he pulls him into a tight hug. Sehun grabs onto him tightly, and Junmyeon has to question again just what this could be about.

They pull apart, and he notices that his friend's eyes are puffy.

"Are you okay? You look like you've been crying."

Sehun looks away, patting his eyes with his hands. His chuckle sounds strained,

"Yeah, yeah. Don't need to point it out."

Junmyeon puts his hand on his shoulder, rubbing small circles into it. He feels tense.

"It's okay. I'm here. We can talk about whatever you need to get off your chest, okay?"

Sehun looks at him, his eyes showing desperation.

"Once Y/N gets here. That's when I'll feel okay."

This raises flags in Junmyeon's head.

"Is she okay? What the fuck do you mean by that?"

Sehun seems struck with confusion, then he widens his eyes and shakes his head.

"N-No! I didn't mean anything was wrong with her. She's fine. She's alive."

"Why the hell would she not be?" He spits back.

The raven haired boy starts to speak, but a plop of rain suddenly drifts down from the sky, hitting him on the forehead. He looks up, and just like he flipped a switch, a downpour of rain spills down on them. They both start to cover their heads with their hands, and Junmyeon has to push their wet bodies inside the shop. He lets a breath of relief out as the small cafe warms up his bones. He eyes Sehun carefully, following behind him as he picks out a table in the back corner. They take a seat, being immediately approached by a waiter.

"I'll take an Americano," Junmyeon smiles at the young teen before he brings his attention to Sehun, "He'll take a black coffee-"

"N-no. Do you have anything sweet? Like uh... do you have boba?"

The waitress laughs nervously.

"We're a coffee shop. I can get you a Mocha. They're pretty sweet to begin with-"

Sehun nods, bringing his hand up to wave her off.

"Yeah. That. Whatever."

She gives him a disappointed frown as she walks off. Junmyeon scrunches his eyebrows together and extends his hands out in an 'What the fuck was that?' manner.

Sehun looks frantic, his words coming out so fast that Junmyeon has to ask him to slow down.

"Listen- I'm just really freaked right now, okay? I really have to be honest with how I'm feeling about some things and you're the person I know will fix them."

"Well that really puts more on my plate. I really want to know what you're talking about though. How about you stop running around in circles and just spit it out?"

The other takes a deep breath, but before he could let loose what was bothering him, his eyes face towards the cafe entrance. Junmyeon continues to stare at him, his mouth left open with his question still dangling in the air. Sehun starts to fumble on his words, his fingers tapping anxiously on the table, and that was when Junmyeon took it as his sign to turn around. But before he could, Sehun grabbed his hand and yanked him back.

"Don't. Look." He says dangerously low.

"Junmyeon!"

He smiles suddenly without thinking, your voice immediately calming his anxious thoughts. He watches as Sehun's face pales, and his hold on his hand is let go. Junmyeon finally turns around to wave at you, a smile smeared on his face- but the sudden excitement to see you is shadowed by the person with his hand around your waist.

"Jun! Good to see you again!"

Baekhyun smiles devilishly at Junmyeon as he stops the both of them in front of the table. He wore a black baggy long sleeved shirt, joined with light washed denim pants. A gold chain dangled from his neck, bright against his pale collarbones. He pushed his Ray Bans out of his eyes, pushing back his shabby dyed white hair. He looks at Sehun, cocking his head to the side and feigning fake astonishment as he points at the troubled man.

"Sehun! It's been so long since I've seen you. Y/N here said you wanted to talk about something important. And, well, since I'm her boyfriend and such a close friend with you- I knew that I had to come with. Do you mind if you sit next to Junmyeon? I just like to be next to her."

Baekhyun's eyes seemingly pierce through Sehun's shocked demeanor, his jaw left unhinged as the question lingers amongst them. When nothing is said, Junmyeon watches as Baekhyun tilts his head up quickly and uses his eyes to look at the empty seat next to himself. It was almost comical watching Sehun rush out of his chair and accompany Junmyeon on his side of the table.

You... well you looked like yourself. From what Sehun had framed earlier, Junmyeon was thinking the absolute worst. Maybe you got into an accident, or you tripped and broke a bone. But here you were; bare faced, flushed cheeks and twinkling eyes. You looked fine.

He watches as Baekhyun pulls out the seat for you, kissing your head as you smile back at him. He adjusts himself on the chair, bringing his hands onto the table rather loudly, the impact of his interlaced fingers thudding against it. He looks between Sehun and himself before he squints and lets a chuckle out.

"I think I know what this is about." He says matter-of-factly.

You don't say a word, Junmyeon notes. You instead look down at your lap, your lips still formed into a smile. In return for Baekhyun announcing his educated guess, Junmyeon leans in his chair and tilts back so the two back pegs are only on the floor. He brings a finger to his mouth and speaks diligently.

"I was only aware that Y/N would be coming. She never mentioned you coming, Baekhyun."

He watches as Baekhyun's expression doesn't falter, simply adjusts to the tone that Junmyeon laced with venom. He shifts his body to face him, using his right arm to drape around your shoulders, squeezing it. You're wearing a shirt that was unfamiliar to him, it was too baggy on your frame. He guessed it belonged to the unnerving cunt that sat across from him.

"Well like I stated before, Jun. I'm close friends with Oh Sehun. Right?" Baekhyun looks at Sehun, and the boy nods, not looking back at him. Junmyeon studies his body language; it was like he was a cornered animal, unable to escape. And Baekhyun was the hungry predator ready to pounce on him.

Junmyeon nods at this.

"Okay. So what are we here to talk about Sehun?" He places his hand on Sehun's shoulder, taken back when the other jumps a little.

"I- I. I actually forgot."

You reach forward across the table, your palm open in front of Sehun.

"Sehun, you could tell us anything. I'm here for you. You know that."

Sehun hesitatingly brings his own hand on the table, his fingers inches from yours, but he suddenly pulls back, closing it into a fist.

"I know, Y/N." He says weakly.

You look at Junmyeon pleadingly, so he rests his chair back normally on the ground. He starts to pat Sehun's back, then rubs it gently.

"She's right. You could tell us what's on your mind. You did say it was important."

He looks up, only to stare directly at Baekhyun. The two of them don't exchange any words- but Junmyeon takes into account how your boyfriend licks his lips and starts to smile.

What the fuck is happening? And why can't Sehun talk about what is obviously bothering him?

"I think you're nervous to talk about this in front of someone who wasn't invited," Junmyeon states blankly, and you give him a sad look before he continues, "But regardless. He's here, and he said that you're close as well. You agreed to it. Are you lying?"

Sehun shakes his head quickly. Junmyeon knows he's lying. But he doesn't show the discernment that he's feeling inside, and can't give Baekhyun any satisfaction that he's slipping up in his own emotions. They already had one of them crumbling right in front of their eyes. Before Sehun could say anything else, Baekhyun takes the lead.

"I know what it is."

You look at him confused.

"You do, Baek?"

Junmyeon sneers at that. But as much as that bothered him, his interest was settled on what Baekhyun would say next. He watched as Baekhyun nodded very surely, tapping his fingers to the rhythm of the song that was playing in the cafe.

"Sehun has been having suicidal thoughts. I would know. He called me and told me about it."

And for once, Junmyeon was stunned. He was not expecting Baekhyun to say that, but even moreso, it seemed like Sehun didn't either. He gapes, spreading his hands out on the table, looking in a flurry between the three people seated with him at the table. The police officer watches as a bead of sweat travels down the side of his forehead, his lips beginning to tremble.

Baekhyun clears his throat, then leaned back into his chair, his arms folding behind his neck.

"Yeah. He told me he was contemplating suicide. He was too nervous to talk about it since he's never had those emotions before, but I get it. It's not easy to talk about wanting to slice your wrists when so many people have died recently," He eyes the paper menu on the right side of him, picking it up gingerly,

"But I insisted that he talk about it. Therapists are too expensive these days. I let him know that I'm his friend. He could trust me, you know? But he wanted to see you guys today so... I guess he built up enough confidence to say the truth. Right, Sehun? The truth?"

No one says anything. They stay silent until the waitress delivers the men's drinks, then quickly draws down your order and Baekhyun's. Junmyeon studies him, how he smiled at the young girl; how he was able to say such obscene things and happily order his coffee like normal. He couldn't understand him, couldn't dissect him at all. He was stronger than he looked but Junmyeon knew that he could crack him.

It wasn't like he didn't believe what he said, but if Sehun was feeling like that, truly, he knew that he could talk to his friend in private. This wasn't something that the younger would do, not at all. There had to be something else that was itching his brain, but he was obviously too scared to speak about it in front of Baekhyun.

He picks up his Americano, taking a small sip.

"How do you know Sehun, Baekhyun?"

You speak this time, which surprised Junmyeon.

"Baekhyun told me that they go way back. They used to do business together."

Junmyeon looks at Sehun, forming a tight knit line.

"Is that so?"

"We might have hung out a couple times." He mumbles out before he drinks his mocha.

He returned his sight to Baekhyun, who shrugged as his smile got wider.

"What can I say? I'm a people person. Everyone likes me."

"Even Chanyeol?"

Baekhyun's eyes dim. He leans into the table, the smile vanishing,

"Even Chanyeol, yes."

Junmyeon starts to smile this time.

"You know it's funny. Chanyeol just got into a fight a couple weeks back. Did you know about that? Looks pretty awful if I say so myself."

You look at your boyfriend in a dazed state, obviously not following the tension that was brewing.

"You didn't say anything about that. But Jun," You purse your lips together, "What does that have to do with anything? We're here for Sehun."

He looks off to the interior decorating the cafe, little potted plants hanging from the ceiling, strings of lights glowing brightly against the tan walls.

"Just making small talk. You don't have to get defensive, Y/N."

You push your tongue into the side of your cheek, looking back down at your lap.

"I'm not getting defensive. I'm just saying if Sehun is feeling... suicidal, we should be conversating about that. Not about how the Deputy got into a fucking fight."

"Well it's pretty fucking obvious that Sehun doesn't want to talk about it. Come on, Y/N. You know how to detect body language just as well as I do. It's because of him."

He jabs his finger toward Baekhyun. The accused man flutters his eyelashes bashfully, resting his chin on both of his hands.

"Me? What did I do?" He says tauntingly.

Junmyeon flared his nostrils, the familiar heat rising in his chest like the night he flung your underwear around his face. He wanted to slam him against the wall, yell in his face and realize that he was no match against Junmyeon's strength. He settles on slamming his fists on the table, spilling his drink, the hot liquid traveling on his skin. It burned, but it didn't compare to the fire that was ignited inside him now.

"You know exactly what I'm getting at here, Byun. You scare Sehun fucking shitless, and for whatever reason he can't even maintain eye contact with you. You're nothing but a weak joke. You cascade this macho persona, but I see right through it. You're nothing but an empty shell that draws on masks and puts it on to fit every single situation. I don't fucking like you."

He lets out an aggravated tsk as he finishes, looking down at the table. He knew he showed too much to Baekhyun, gave him too much information just by playing into his game. He knew now that he was easily triggered by his obliviousness. He wanted to slap himself in the face.

"Junmyeon. Can I talk to you outside?"

He looks up to meet your distressed state, and he nods in a flash, standing up and following you outside the cafe. Before you got up, you whispered something in Baekhyun's ear that made his facial features twitch. His eyelids drooped downwards, but he regained his once upbeat personality and laid a kiss on your cheek. He could feel Baekhyun's stare burning holes in the back of his head, but at this moment, Junmyeon didn't care.

He listened to the small chime of the bell go off as the door closed behind them, then turned to face you. The rain beat down on your head, your once dry hair dampened by the merciless weather. He has to break the silence, you hadn't spoken a single word and continued your stare directly into his soul.

"What? What do you want from me?" He spats out.

Your bottom lip juts out, your eyes furiously blinking away the rain.

"Why are you acting like this?"

He stands still, letting the rain blur his vision of you. He forms his hands into fists.

"Like what? Like a normal human being? I don't know you anymore, Y/N. You've changed."

You scoff at that, shifting your weight on your right leg. You bring up your hand and shake it angrily. "Me? I'm the same as I've ever been. You're the one who changed," You cross your arms over your chest, "You don't talk to me anymore. You stopped reaching out, you- you fucking made me leave work! You left me alone after Kyungsoo died, and you expect me to be my bubbly happy go-lucky self? Fuck you."

You shove him, and when he doesn't move from the impact of your soft blow, you strike him again on the chest. He doesn't change his position, just looks down at you while you pound your fists against his body, watching as you begin to cry. It broke his heart. Seeing you like this. The worst part for Junmyeon was knowing that he couldn't be the one to fix this for you, there would never be the same connection between the both of you unless Baekhyun was out of the equation.

The most sickening thought to Junmyeon was knowing that you would never leave Baekhyun.

Not for Sehun.

Not for Kyungsoo.

Not even him.

He sighs as he stops your actions in a heartbeat, grabbing your arms mid air. You hiccup as you look back up at him, your eyes filled with tears. Your eyes that stole his heart were nothing but a black hole now, and even if Junmyeon wanted to pull you back out, you wouldn't have accepted his hand. He fights his own sob trying to erupt from his throat, putting on a smile for you. You shake your head, your pink lips forming to say something. But you didn't.

"Are you cold?" He mutters out brokenly.

You scrunch your face up, your cheeks, a beautiful shade of pink. Your eyes shut closer together as you bite your lip to contain your whines, and shake your head.

"I... I've got thick skin."

He licks his lips, looking at the stained ground. He releases his grip on you, letting his arms fall back to his sides. "You should head back inside."

You shake your head more violently now, punching his arms.

"You're supposed to give me your jacket, you fucking prick."

It sounded desperate. Like you were hoping that the connection you had could somehow be fused back together with something as pathetic as a jacket. You continue to hit him, speaking in choked sobs, repeating for him to give you his jacket. But he doesn't listen anymore. He just stares at you, watching how devastatingly broken you were.

"That's enough, Y/N."

"No. You need me just as much as I need you." You snap back.

He shakes his head at you. He grabs the handle of the cafe door, turning his back on you.

"I don't need you at all. Don't bother coming back to work."

You start to scream a string of obscenities at him, but he silences the hurtful spikes you were throwing at him. He let the door close behind him, watching as some of the people inside gave him incredulous looks, the waitress peering outside while covering her mouth. He fashioned the cuffs of his jacket so they didn't look so disheveled, then cleared his throat as he approached the table in the corner.

Baekhyun doesn't say a word, but Junmyeon knows that he's holding back some type of resentment. The man's face distorted into pure anger, his hold on the coffee mug making his knuckles a bright red. Sehun huddled into his seat, not daring to look up at Junmyeon. He sighs at that, lazily looking between the two. He clicks his tongue, bringing his now cold drink up to his lips, gulping it down completely.

Once he finished, he placed it back gently on the table. He pulled out his wallet and pulled a few stray bills, confidently placing it on the table.

"I think that should cover everyone here. Sehun, are you coming?"

Baekhyun stands up, inching towards Junmyeon and stopping until he was only inches away from his face. His head bobs lightly, his tongue tracing his lips before he spoke.

"Sehun and I are going to spend some time together. Is that alright with you?"

Junmyeon is tired at this point. He's had enough of Baekhyun. Of you. So he chuckles darkly, making Baekhyun look at him with a quizzical expression.

"Do whatever the fuck you want. You might want to give Y/N a ride back to her house though. She's completely drenched. You should warm him up, make sure she doesn't catch a cold."

He turns his feet in the direction he came from, but Baekhyun's hand grabs his shoulder.

Junmyeon doesn't bother looking back, just stands in place as he looks out the window.

"I'll fuck her good for you."

And that was enough for him. He had it.

Junmyeon laughed, closing his eyes as he turned around slowly. He ducks his head down, bringing it up slightly so Baekhyun would only see his eyes. He smirked at him, opening his mouth to probably spit out some other lewd details, but Junmyeon doesn't give him the chance. He brings his fist to connect with Baekhyun's jaw, watching as the smaller man topples back on the table, his hands gripping onto the edges of it. Screams begin to echo in the once quiet shop, and Junmyeon can hear people scrambling out of the chairs, the squeaks of shoes running right out the door.

The waitress does nothing but look onto the fight unfold behind the counter, her phone shaking in her grasp as she tries to unlock it. Baekhyun spits on the floor, blood painting the washed out gray flooring. He looks back up, and Junmyeon hesitates as he watches Baekhyun's eyes turn into something almost demonic, his white teeth stained with the ruby color, smiling right at him. It almost felt like he wanted this to happen; but Junmyeon doesn't want to miss the opportunity to beat him to a pulp.

Baekhyun lands a pretty good punch to his chin, making Junmyeon twist his neck to the left. He shakes it off quickly, running back at him and grabbing him by his shirt, pushing him against the wall. He doesn't stop his fist from hitting his face, not giving him any mercy, just enjoying seeing the blood erupt from his mouth. It wasn't until Sehun pulled him off that he let him go. Baekhyun slides down the wall, his hands weakly spread on the floor, the smile on his face never leaving.

He wheezes, and Junmyeon just stares as Sehun restrains his arms behind his back, telling him, "It's okay, It's okay." He's in a delirious state now, looking down at his own shirt, the vermillion stains looking right back up at him. He watches as you somehow rush to Baekhyun's aid, looking at him and screaming. But it's all just static in his head. He pushes Sehun off of him, grunting as he winds his shoulder back. He stumbles as he walks away from the gore fest he created, cracking his knuckles.

"Sir! You cannot leave this premise, I already called the cops!"

The waitress was crying, her phone raised to her ear as she pointed at him. Junmyeon snickers, looking at her frazzled state. He continues to walk towards the door, stopping as he looks back at her, offering her a genuine side smile.

"I am the police. Go get him some napkins. He'll be fine."

He opens the door, looking up at the sky, watching the rain pour down. He smacks his lips together, then without a thought in his head, he takes off his jacket. He looks back inside, Sehun looking back at him with shock, and tosses it on one of the tables.

"Give it to Baekhyun. He needs it more than me."

Baekhyun's POV

"Get in the fucking car, Sehun."

Baekhyun didn't know what was exactly going to transpire today, but it sure as fuck wasn't this. He sits himself in his car, immediately looking at his face in the mirror. His nose was bleeding, one of his eyes was turning completely red- to which Baekhyun scoffed.

He looked down at his hand, the faint color of crimson staining it. Usually this would be fine, but in this scenario he was disgusted. There should never be a moment where he, Baekhyun, would be the one spitting up blood. He listens to the back passanger's door close harshly, and he looks at a spooked Sehun staring back at him. He's stark white, his legs crossed over one another, his body visibly shaking.

He licks his lips as he looks away, gripping the steering wheel.

"Did you know he was going to do that?" He says sourly.

Sehun shook his head, looking outside the window.

"No. I've never seen him like that before."

Baekhyun punches the wheel then, making Sehun audibly gasp. He turned around in a flash, teeth gritting together, aiming his next words towards the young boy.

"I'm going to take Y/N home, and if you-" He jabs his finger in the other's chest, "say a single thing? I'll make sure you regret it. You got me?"

He nods, tears brimming his eyes already. Baekhyun chuckles at that, pulling his hand away from him and sitting back in his seat completely. He clears his throat, blood still spewing from his lips. He grimaces, looking outside his own window this time, watching you walk up to his side with more napkins.

You tap the window, and Baekhyun nimbly pushes down the button to roll it down. You quickly shove the napkins towards his nose, you're forcing out too many words at once, making you stutter uncontrollably.

"I- I did- I can't believe he did that. Are you o-okay?" You take sharp breaths in between each word, like it hurt to inhale.

Baekhyun's heart swells at that, and he rests his hand over yours, stopping your frantic movements. He shakes his head and closes his eyes, trying to remain calm for you. He listens to your ragged breathing, then rests his gaze on yours. He smiles.

"I'll be fine. Let me take you home-"

"No. I- I have to talk to him."

And why did you want to talk to him? Baekhyun wondered. He was only one short circuit away from blowing up, but he reminds himself that it's you, that's he talking to. He couldn't have you thinking he was the controlling boyfriend that he knows he is. Baekhyun would be the composed, innocent man in this situation. And God, it really fucking sucked being good.

"If that's what you think you should do. Go for it." He narrows his eyes, watching as you didn't expect that response. You nod hestitangly, unsure of what to do with the remaining napkins in your hand. He shakes his head softly, taking them from you.

"Make sure you text me when you get home then. I'll come over." He says in a whisper.

You give him a sympathetic smile, "Of course."

You give him a kiss on his cheek, to which Baekhyun makes sure to record in his memories to fond over later. You turn around, but Baekhyun reaches out his window and latches his grasp on your wrist. You look back confused, but he doesn't even need to say it to you now; something that he pleasantly enjoyed.

"I- I love you."

He tilts his head cheekily to the side, letting you go.

"I love you too."

He watched until you were only a speck in his vision, and then he grudgingly turned back around again, latching his fangs into Sehun.

"Get in the front with me."

Sehun shook his head.

"I'm okay back here-"

"Get up here." Baekhyun deadpans.

So there they were, driving in Baekhyun's car, driving aimlessly. He hasn't said anything to the other, just kept quiet as he tapped his finger on the wheel, watching his windshield wipers dispose of the rain on the car. Sehun cleared his throat when they arrived at a red light, and Baekhyun flickered his eyes on him for a second, then continued to stare forward at the road.

"What?" He says in a sardonic tone.

"Where are we going? I actually have some work I have to go over-"

"Really? What is it about?" Baekhyun smirks, hitting the gas pedal.

Sehun fiddles with his hands, "Just some um, you know. Burglary case."

Baekhyun nods, his voice ringing in the silent car.

"Man, I hate people like that. They could be so annoying, huh?"

Sehun forces out a bitter laugh.

"Y-yeah. They're... annoying."

"Tell me Sehun. Because I'm really, really, into what you do for a living. How do you live with yourself when you know you have blood on your hands? Do you think you're better than me?"

Silence.

He turns a street, slowing down his speed in the empty neighborhood. He waits for him to say something, but just like he knew, Sehun didn't dare say a single syllable. He looks at the dim lit houses and apartments as he continues his drive, pointing at some and complimenting the exterior. He stops in front of one, moving his hand towards the Park shift. He faces Sehun now, observing how he stayed completely still, his shoulders hunched over, his face looking completely in his lap. Baekhyun snaps his fingers, making the other jump in his seat.

"You see that house?"

Sehun diverted his attention outside the window. It was an ugly house; seemingly abandoned from the looks of it. It was almost as if it was being held by strings, the paint chipping off the wood, the lawn a complete jungle. The roof was beaten in, some had already caved in, submitting itself over to the undeniable death. He looked back at Baekhyun, his eyebrow raised.

"What about it?"

Baekhyun winced, his eye throbbing in pain. He fixates on Sehun through his migraine.

"It's beautiful."

"Beautiful? I don't see how-"

He slaps his face then, immediately grabbing his cheek to look back at him.

"Isn't it beautiful seeing things struggle to stay alive? No matter how broken they are. They still manage to live. And do you know why us, as people, no matter how battered and bruised we get, we still get up?"

Sehun shook his head in Baekhyun's hand. Baekhyun rolls his eyes, digging his fingernails into his skin. "Because they think they have purpose. And where does purpose come from? It comes from the undeniable feeling that something or someone created you- that some being put you in existence because they believed you had something to grace this fucked up reality."

He lets go of Sehun's face, shoving him against the window. He unbuckles his seatbelt, crawling towards his body and pushing his head on the window. He savors seeing Sehun's breath clouding on the clear glass, his breathing short with each one he took. He locks his fingers in his hair, twisting and pulling it, slamming his face into the glass harder.

"But do you want to know the one thing that people don't know?"

He snickers to himself as he grins.

"I am the person who decides people's purposes. Me."

Sehun pushes him off, saliva dripping down his mouth, his eyes in a crazed state. Baekhyun raises his hands in the air as if he'd been caught, then relaxes as he leans against his seat.

"So, Sehun. Can you answer my question?"

Sehun grips the leather seat, tears staining his cheeks.

"What question?" He lashes out.

"Do you think you're better than me?"

"I- I don't know. Why does this matter, why me?" He spews angrily.

Baekhyun sighs, lazily draping his seatbelt on himself. He resumes his quaint car drive, not answering Sehun's question. He wracked his mind about this for a while; people who knew they were going to die not cooperating with their killer. It never made sense, Baekhyun enjoyed the manipulative mind games he would play with people, much like a kid playing with their food. Deciding which portion of their meal would enter their mouths... which portion would end up unscathed. If you were in the palm of a sadistic killer, would you rather play with him or fight him?

The choice was fairly obvious.

But obviously not.

The gloomy skies turned a shade of purple and black, the moon resurfacing from its slumber. Baekhyun didn't say anything as he parked in front of the apartment building he frequented often. He pushed back the pain that screamed at him, lifting his hand to grab his car keys. Sehun stayed put, glancing up towards the building. When he didn't react, Baekhyun waved his key in the air questiongly at him.

"You're not excited to be here?"

"Why would I be?"

"Because now you won't be alone with me."

Sehun uttered underneath his breath, "I'm not talking to him anymore."

Baekhyun jutted his bottom lip out, masking a look of concern.

"Not best friends with your best friend anymore? Wonder why."

"Like you fucking care."

Baekhyun shook his head, reaching over to the glove box. He opened it up, pulling the sharp object out. He grazed his indent finger over the gray blade, watching how prettily it shined in the darkness. Sehun held his breath, watching Baekhyun admire his toy. Baekhyun smiled brightly, his cheeks warming up.

"I'm offended by that. I care about my friends. And you're my friend."

Something in the air changed when Baekhyun stated that; and he took into account how Sehun's once scared shitless exterior softened. Obviously something happened between him and Chanyeol, it wasn't like he necessarily cared about what it was about, but if it could make this more entertaining for him, he'll use it.

"Get out. If you make a run for it, I'll kill you."

Baekhyun stood behind Sehun as he entered the apartment building, knife embedded in his lower back. An awkward ride in the elevator was fun for Baekhyun, enjoying how Sehun squirmed in discomfort. He felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket, and without his eyes leaving Sehun's back, he pulled it out. He squinted from the bright light coming from his phone, but that soon was replaced with a heartwarming grin.

i made it home. let me know when you're coming over. i'll order take out. :) love you.

He shoved it back into his pocket as the elevator notified them they arrived. He couldn't wait to come back home to you, being able to be overwhelmed with your scent, your body, your touch. He almost stumbled in his step while thinking about it, but he covered it up by pushing Sehun ahead of him, towards Chanyeol's door.

He brushed some hair out of his eyes, gazing at Sehun's closed fist knocking on the door of his life-long friend. He felt his heart race faster as Chanyeol opened the door in shock, wearing only a robe, his hair in complete disarray. Baekhyun brought his free hand up, waving cutely in his direction.

"We haven't had a guy's night in a while."

Chanyeol had let them in, stubbornly, but still- let them in. Which was his biggest mistake in his life so far. Baekhyun had grabbed Sehun by his collar and led him towards the couch. He threw him down roughly, flipping the knife in his hand in the air before jokingly pretending to stab him.

"Quit it, Baek." Chanyeol shouted at him, taking his place on a chair beside the glass table.

Baekhyun giggled to himself, flashing the knife at Chanyeol. He grunted as he pushed the tip of the blade away, giving a snarling look. Crossing his arms, Chanyeol pierced his gaze at Sehun, the younger childishly looking away. He snorted at that, then watched as Baekhyun sat in his own chair.

Chanyeol quipped, "What the fuck happened to you? You almost look as bad as me."

"Your friend. Junmyeon." Baekhyun grunted out.

Chanyeol widens his eyes. Then erupts in boisterous laughter, hand clapping included. The two men aren't amused by it in the slightest, and after a couple more seconds of his annoying noise, he dwindles down, fully taking in the tension filled air. He licks his lips and brings his attention back to Baekhyun, but more importantly the blade that was adorned in his grip.

"What's the knife for, huh?" Chanyeol barks at him. He was nervous, Baekhyun could tell.

So he shimmies into his seat, ready to watch the show unfold in front of his very eyes; perfectly orchestrated by him. "I thought we'd play a game."

Sehun sits up in his seat, broadcasting for the first time a sense of confidence.

"A game?"

Baekhyun nods sweetly.

"A game. Rules are that you have to play. If you don't- well you know." He says in a singsong voice.

He watches Chanyeol stretch out his arms, sighing. He flashes a grim look towards Sehun.

"Thought you didn't want to see me anymore. Why'd you come?"

"Yeah, like I volunteered to be held at knife point by Baekhyun. I didn't want to come here."

Baekhyun stifles back laughter, crossing his legs together as he listens to the argument stirring up. He looked down at his knife; the same knife he used on Mina. If he squinted hard enough, he could still see the faint blood on the pristine gift Chanyeol gave him.

"Well I don't know, this could be an ambush for all I know. You and your stupid fucking choices that you make. You never learn, do you?" Chanyeol's veins popped out of his neck as he spoke to Sehun.

Sehun rolled his eyes, looking at Baekhyun.

"What do we have to do?"

"What, so you're ignoring me now? Prick." Chanyeol spits.

Baekhyun stands, interjecting as he raises his hands in the air.

"Now now. Let's not get too excited to play the game. Let me explain the rules, okay guys?"

They don't say anything so Baekhyun takes it that they're interested. He loved his friends.

"So, the whole premise is kind of silly," He chuckles as he walks over to the couch, wrapping his arm around Sehun's shoulders, "Basically, the two of you spill your guts about every horrible thing you've done for me. The one who takes responsibility wins. Pretty easy, right?"

Sehun puckers his lips and begins to open his mouth, but Baekhyun shushes him, grazing the knife on his cheek. "I'm not finished."

"The one who's too much of a self centered cunt, dies. By who? You're wondering? Well," He stands up, dragging the knife on the glass table, making the men in the room groan from the noise, "By the one who wins. I think it's pretty fair."

Chanyeol gives him the most stomach-turning frown, his lips trembling in distraught.

"No fucking way."

Baekhyun walks behind Chanyeol's chair, his hand bringing the knife to his neck. He inches towards the other's ear, his lips grazing his skin ever so slightly.

"Aren't we friends, Channie? Best friends, right?"

His friend's hand grips the chair's arm furiously, "Us being friends doesn't have anything to do with this, Baekhyun."

"Oh, but I think it does. You know why it does, Chanyeol? Because I have something on you. And if I tell the entire world what Park Chanyeol did- well, that wouldn't end well for you, right? But I'm your friend, so I'll give you a chance to not ruin your perfect cookie cutter reputation."

He slices Chanyeol's skin lightly, looking down to see the small beads of blood sprout from his neck. He immediately hushes his deep rooted snarls, his body settling into the situation that was being unfolded. Sehun gapes, but he slowly closes his own mouth, eyebrows furrowed together as he leans out of his seat.

Baekhyun smiles. "Okay then. Who wants to be honest?"

He sits back down in his chair. Of course, he had something up his sleeve. He slipped his phone out of his pocket, cleverly hiding it from view underneath his thigh. He rummaged through his miscellaneous apps, until he finally clicked on Voice Memos. And finally, the game would actually begin.

Sehun starts it off, which was little to no surprise to Baekhyun. He was the weaker one out of all of them after all.

"I- I disposed of the body of Baekhyun's girlfriend. I didn't like doing it though. I- I still have nightmares about it."

Baekhyun gives a light hearted clap, to which Sehun glares. He looks towards Chanyeol, and Baekhyun copies. He looks tired, his arms hanging off the arms of the chair, his eyes fixated on the ground.

"Chanyeol? What about you? What have you done?" Baekhyun questions.

Chanyeol licks his lips, pulled out of the trance he put himself in.

"I... I haven't done anything."

God, was he an idiot. He knew his friend was prideful, but did he really have to be when it came to his own life? He sighs, shaking his head.

"No... I don't think that's right. Come on, spill your guts. We don't judge here!"

His cheerfulness does nothing to the bland environment. Chanyeol covers his face with both of his hands, something of a sob tumbling from his throat. Baekhyun looks at Sehun, giving him a look that reads, "Can you believe this guy?"

"I didn't do anything. I haven't." Chanyeol repeats.

Sehun stands up, anger fusing into his features.

"I should have known you wouldn't fess up to anything. You're just like your fucking dad."

Baekhyun gasps, placing his hands over his mouth. He tries to fight off the incoming laughter from his chest, but it spills over maniacally. Of course, he knew Chanyeol's trouble with his own father, I mean he issued him to kill him for Christ's sake. But compared to Baekhyun, Chanyeol's sanity when it came to his dad was utterly gone. He knew not to talk about it; only when it mattered, when it was a reminder. Obviously Sehun didn't know about this. So Baekhyun continued his fit of giggles, his eyes latching onto Chanyeol's furious state.

"You know, I let it go earlier. I mean, you didn't even give me the chance to say anything before you left, you fucking asshole. But you- you don't know anything about my fucking father. He was a living fucking nightmare, he cheated, he lied, he hit me. I am nothing, like him," Chanyeol kicks his chair back, his body moving faster than he could have been thinking, stopping as he stands in Sehun's face, "So shut the fuck up if you know what's good for you."

Sehun clenches his fists, mustering up a confident face, but failing horribly.

"I killed Kyungsoo. I am the person who fucking helped. I disposed of a body. Come on, Chanyeol. Fucking take ownership. Don't fucking die because your pride!"

With a gurgled yell, Chanyeol punches Sehun in the face, his own face bright red with anger. Sehun fights back, grabbing Chanyeol by his shoulders and shoving him into the glass table, shards gliding on the hardwood floor, pieces stopping at Baekhyun's shoes. Baekhyun's adrenaline shoots up, his already widened eyes stretching out even more, his smile so big it's beginning to hurt. He picks up a shard of glass, flipping it around in his hand as he watches Sehun plummeting his fist into Chanyeol's face.

He stands up, walking behind Sehun and seeing his friend's face go in and out of consciousness. His lip is busted, blood is sprayed on his chin and exposed chest, his eyes are in a dazed, frenzied state. Sehun freezes his movements, taking a deep breath in before he pulls Chanyeol up, looking him straight in the eyes.

"Chanyeol. Please, say something."

He spits blood on the younger's face, yet Sehun stays stoic. He whispers this time,

"Choose me. Choose to live."

Baekhyun huffs annoyed, giving Sehun's ribs a hard kick, watching him cripple up and fall on the ground. He stands over Chanyeol now, both of his feet on either side of him, crouches down and smacks his lips together.

"What did you end up doing yourself, huh, Yeol?" He brushes some of Chanyeol's dark locks off his forehead, gagging as he touches some of the blood that was painted into his skin.

Chanyeol's voice is brittle as he speaks, "P-please. Help."

The words came out weakly, each syllable too painful for him to escape from his mouth. Baekhyun ponders for a moment, then nods his head. He picks up his battered friend, sitting him up and dragging him so he leans on the chair he had kicked back moments prior. He slaps him a little, trying to keep him conscious. When he finally lets up and keeps his eyes open, Baekhyun waves the knife in his face gleefully.

"You want me to help you, right?"

Chanyeol nods slowly, his eyes crossing repeatedly, trying to focus on him. Baekhyun let's a small, "uh-huh," out, then walked towards Sehun. He repeats his action, dragging his body and stopping to drop him right in front of Chanyeol's feet. He digs his foot into Sehun's neck, putting pressure steadily, watching him struggle to push him off. Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol with a straight face, eyes dark.

"What do you want me to do, Chanyeol?"

Chanyeol, becoming more and more aware of what's happening, gurgles on his own blood, sputtering out drops of the red on Sehun's face. He shakes his hands, getting on his knees and trying to remove Baekhyun's foot from the other's throat. Baekhyun sneers at that, disappointment settling into his features. He keeps his foot on the other's throat and takes a step in Chanyeol's direction, bringing the knife to the side of his neck.

"You can't save him. But you want to know what you can do?" Baekhyun lashes out in anger.

Chanyeol shakes, looking up defeated.

"W-what?" He says brokenly.

Baekhyun removes the knife from his throat, then points his finger and motions for Chanyeol to get on top of Sehun. It takes him a moment to register what he's asking, but nonetheless, he does it. And Baekhyun feels almost a little bit of pity for him; but it's quickly erased when he hears Sehun wheeze against his shoe. He takes his foot off of him, crouching behind Chanyeol, placing his hands on his shoulders, leaning his head against the crook of his neck as he peered down at Sehun.

"What do you want to say, Sehun?" Baekhyun asks.

There's fear in his eyes, and the all knowing feeling that his last words were coming soon. He knew the look all too well, loved seeing it. But in this moment, it felt different. Rather than the impending speech of love being tarnished, a future of marriage memorized and said endless amounts of times to potential lovers, this was Sehun. Sehun, who played the game right, Sehun who didn't let pride wash over him. It made Baekhyun feel... like a God. He was the one who wrote the script, who decided to change the rules if it didn't seem fit to his liking, he was- He Is- God.

"The answer- to your question." Sehun says shakily.

Baekhyun shapes his mouth into an, "O '' shape, nodding his head and biting his lip eagerly.

"Yes? And what is that?"

Sehun looks directly at Chanyeol as he speaks,

"I'm not better than you."

Baekhyun hears Chanyeol's voice hitch, his body trembling. Sehun continues.

"You win. You'll always win, Baekhyun."

"Exactly. Now, Chanyeol," Baekhyun slithers his hand down to Chanyeol's, placing the knife in his hand, "I'm going to give you something that you've always wanted."

Chanyeol replies in a monotone voice, "Which is?"

"To kill and rid of the obstacle in your life. I won't do it for you this time. Think of it as a gift."

He looks as Chanyeol slowly but surely wraps each finger around the hilt of the knife, until it is in his grasp most surely. Baekhyun gingerly brings his hand on Chanyeol's arm, pushing it towards Sehun's chest. He lets go once the blade is inches from Sehun's own flesh, pausing to watch what his friend would do next.

Sehun sobs, "We can still do it. We can still kill him, Chanyeol."

"Is that right, Chanyeol? You can still kill me? Well look, I'm right here. Do it." Baekhyun lets the last words drip with curiosity.

Chanyeol doesn't make any movements. He stays on top of Sehun, knife remaining inches from his chest. His troubled breathing is the only sound in the apartment, only until he speaks with the utmost confidence.

"I... I can be loyal to something as small as a best friend, Sehun."

Sehun's eyes glimmered with hope then, Baekhyun almost faltering in his own confidence.

"Yes- Yes, Chanyeol! I knew you would choose me-"

And Chanyeol followed his words as he plummeted the knife into his friend.

"Chan...chanyeol?"

Sehun's mouth was left agape as he looked down shakily at the knife sticking out of his chest, Chanyeol's body hunched over Sehun's in a ghostly manner. Baekhyun let out a nervous chuckle, putting a hand over his heart, closing his eyes in relief. He doubted- for a second, that Chanyeol would be persuaded by the meaningless words Sehun spouted out. But Baekhyun knew.

"I knew you would choose me." Baekhyun says sarcastically, mimicking Sehun.

Chanyeol says nothing as he takes the knife out of Sehun, throwing it away from his sight. He picked up the limp body now, his hand moving behind Sehun's head, pushing it up, shaking it.

"Sehun? Sehun, please. I- I didn't do it. I didn't-"

A string of sobs continued after, and Baekhyun walked quietly to retrieve his weapon, cleaning off the blood with his already ruined shirt. He made his way back to Chanyeol, who was attempting to revive Sehun's dead body, chest heaving as snot shot from his nose, his tears cascading on the corpse's face. Baekhyun snaps his finger, earning a devastated and desperate look from Chanyeol.

"And where's my thank you for saving your ass?" Baekhyun crossed his arms together.

Chanyeol blinked, his face morphing into one of shock.

"Thank You? What the fuck do I have to thank you for? You killed my-"

Baekhyun stamps his foot as he yells,

"You! You killed him, Chanyeol. Not me. Maybe I should have let Sehun kill you; you still can't play the game fucking right. Piece of shit. You can't even say thank you for the gift I gave you, some fucking stability in your life, jeez. Also," He snakes out his phone from his pocket, waving it in the air, then clicking the button to end the voice memo, "I have it all recorded. I'll just keep it as a reminder for you."

Chanyeol grips Sehun's body closer to his chest. His left eye was swollen shut now, the blood dried on his face and chest. Baekhyun didn't think Chanyeol looked any better than right now. So he sticks his phone back in his back pocket, slipping the knife in the other. He walks over to the door, but Chanyeol stops him with one last pleading question.

"Baekhyun. Why... why didn't you kill me?"

Baekhyun stills. He looks over his shoulder, smiling.

"Because. You're my friend."

"Goodbye, Chanyeol."

And as he closed the door behind him, he listened to Chanyeol unleash a blood curdling scream. He relished in it, humming a tune to himself as he walked down the hallway. He brought his phone out as he entered the elevator. He typed happily, his thoughts finally only becoming about you.

on my way back. i missed you so much. i'm so happy. :)

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toinfinitywinning · 2 months

Text

What you see & hear- or even if you can. Just a cover.

Open it? There’s no tellin’ the worm. But you bought the ticket. It’s your Day 1.

They’re gonna try to break you.

Yk every Day I wake up. And I’m scared of it. Don’t want to. And not b/c im warm in my bed snuggling w/ my feather duvet and rain, with the weight of a horse on my legs play pretending he’s a 3 lb Show shhnowzaa but b/c I’ve already, already lived it. And having been in a constant State of fight or flight, normal or abnormal, sometimes u can’t tell —I still feel bad. W/e differentiation you had to separate the two both ended up at the North Pole but you’ve at least got Santa.

So this means I’m confused all Day but I still want some of Michael’s Secret Stuff Gatorade (haterade) from “welcome to the space jam—alright.” 🎵. To get me through. A safe energy drink. And your body doesn’t ☊ anymore so the more you talk to yourself the saner. It’s just I’ve never had to fake I’m physically okay to be present so much. Physical sickness affects ur mind Health and if you already struggle w/ that my condolences b/c your leg hurts too.

It’s a nightmare never 1-upping to a dream of being without. Then some days it’s will hear a song or remember a Good time or just Start crying-faucet not included. No acute-reason onset. (We gotta find another word for trigger no joke). I only subconsciously wonder will today be better…Will I get better? And I don’t know why I continue to continue being somewhere inbtw positive and negative. All the sudden my mind is taxed and so are your paychecks and I’ve been up for 15 minutes not even thinking I was thinking b/c Truth is, when something becomes your reality for such a Long time, everything just runs together. You’re afraid to feel anything yet know if you don’t it’s not just your body ready to atrophy. Not Good. And it’s a sneaky lil’ mf.

I can’t Imagine the omnipresent (best word for constant I got) Pain people feel having been with Illness their whole lives. How differently their world is shaped. Pain, prolonged cynicism, Illness prolonged, disability prolonged, w/e u used to think about things is gone unless you’re born one of these ways. Now to be clear I was born this Way but not THIS Way don’t get it twisted. Some days I wonder what it would be like to swap around. W/e it is—This presence does not belong to God— but maybe its mere existence really does b/c we won’t have anyone to thank if things get better? And there’s no joy in the things we’ve hoped for and overcome? And everything always has an End result of some kind…Right? If that’s my endgame I can only look at some things very matter of fact-ly. But. Here we are. Pending. Loading. Accept All Cookies. Your Health for potential healing is At the mercy of literally a button click away from quality or lifesaving or changing Medicine or therapy. CAN YOU AFFORD TO STAY ALIVE? Be fired? Bankrupt-ed? Evicted? No college, no trade School, but you work ur butt off to provide but you’re still paid $7.25/hr as I was as head intramural supervisor at Georgetown College. 15 years ago. Not just that, exist, like eating, clothes to wear, some sort of roof. So you’re choosing between crappy and crappier. Literally no difference. How in the is someone even going to try to stay healthy?!

Thankfully I don’t have to worry as much about the material, which, its Stress alone induces more trauma and Anxiety, but I’d bet how we feel physically isn’t too different. All the sudden again in the subconscious where I am all the time I’m figuring and not truly present you really think existentially like how in not God’s name clearly did I get here? I fixed everything. But Life isn’t played by a claw that has never won anybody a teddy bear. I wouldn’t pin karma to me in itself but it sure makes you think.

None of this is about to make sense but it’s where my mind took me.

Think about what was happening in your Life before things changed. Before literally waking up one Morning and knowing that very second things had to change or I was headed toward death a lot faster than I thought until that God moment. I don’t have many of them that are that dramatic but nothing was clearer to me in that moment. And then that Damn bat and conspiracy crap of government population control. If anthrax was sprinkled in Amazon boxes we’d be extinct. But Pretty sure we know how to get rid of people without breaking a beaker or test tube and then turning on a fan just gifting particles. And Unraveling ALL of the many ways of healing I’d finally lived into. I was so close. To every Fk up id invited. And so asking why anymore seems vacant. Echoing. And my ears hurt. ATP I’m More so saying well, I’m not sure that strategy is going to work anymore. Where’s the ღ in Health. It’s lost it. How much are you worth? No, like write down a monetary number on a piece of paper, fold it and slide it across the desk. Insurance companies be like: I see your offer and I’ll raise your offer: have you tried dying yet? B/c you could save a lot of money that way. The money it will take to bury you might even be more deadly.

So The most defeating part is beginning the Day as it ends. When I think about that it’s just like how did I get here? I’m still stubborn about it but maybe regardless of w/e someone accomplishes there’s the reality you’re still living in an imperfect world where you can only control so many things. Even if u gain that control back all those traps R still available. So you can Imagine my surprise when there’s not enough OCD to Go around to control THIS. regardless of what we can have control over, do that, b/c the smaller victories become magnified and walking to the kitchen to take your Meds that may or may not be helping is like an 8-ball w/ only 8 options. Eenie meenie miney. Mo.

I don’t set out to cry or tear up in the videos I share. I’ve always been a cryer. I’ve been told I feel things more intensely so it hits different, does different. The direct quote will remain anonymous but the sentimental pack rat in me wrote it down ASAP. Like, a handwritten letter. You took TIME for me. The quote—It was several years ago and I almost can’t stand it b/c it’s me in whatever kind of Shell is available at the time.

[“people perceive me as an individual who has the kindest of all hearts, but who struggles with the realities of life given that kindness…Like how the tenderhearted feel the pains of the earth more intensely.”]

It’s so true. But if I can’t be real what Good’s that gonna do? For me it further affirms what I already am living. In Edgar’s scary A** pit or with the company of not one canary in the coal mine.

C’ya in the AM. 🫡

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madisonbeersource · 11 months

Note

Hiiii 💙 It's been so long since I've been here.... How are you? I hope you are very well

There are several news about Madison that I want to comment and to begin with, the most important thing, WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE MV ABOUT SPACE!? OMG she even already posted a picture on her ig and said she was going to see aliens!!!! Is real this fantasy?!?! I would love for this new single to be a bit like homesick 2, especially in terms of narrative. It would be a dream. I CAN'T WAIT

According to my predictions I think Mads is going to release this new song on Friday this week no, the next one on June 2nd. Hopefully. And if it's sooner even better. When do you think it will be published?

I think it's AWFUL what I've heard on Twitter about people leaking the Madison song. I haven't heard anything or heard anything personally, but it just seems so wrong to me. Especially when it's so close to this song coming out and we're getting closer and closer to mb2. Madison will release her music when she wants to and that's it. It's so unfair

Oh and can we talk about how AWESOME Madison looked when she went to New York to do interviews and promote her book? She looked so cute in those tweed-like outfits, the sunglasses, those super long black boots she wore to an interview with that gray dress (if I'm not mistaken) but whatever, she looked amazing, as always.

Moonlight, do you already have The Half Of It? Because I haven't read it yet and I'm dying for it. Just like I haven't listened to the podcast Madison did with Call Her Daddy either. I've seen several snippets around, but haven't listened to the whole thing yet . Have you listened to it yet?

Okay... now I can't think of anything else to comment, but omg it's been so long... too long. When we get Madison's new song I'll either scream or cry for joy, I don't know. What I do know is that I'm looking forward to it, not only as a big Mads fan, but also as a big space fan.

I hope you are great and as excited as I am!

love you 🛸

💙🌓👽

hi my lovely stardust<3 i'm doing good wbu?

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG this is gonna b legit crazy good!! can't wait honeslty i love how she makes continuity of her last album i was scared she would change her artistic choices drastically but OMG noope she did not and thank god!! but so many artist are releasing new shit and i'm beyond exited

she said june 2nd right?

idk who takes care of the songs she made but she needs better security idk how songs can get leaked like that don't they have security for these type of things? but i gotta admit i didn't even know songs of hers were leaked!! i don't wanna know tho ngl i'll not hear anything sdfhgfds i support the queen always

her press tour was So cUTE and true she was SERVING lewks!!!! our girl is not an author and i love this title on her

NOPE I DIDNT!! but i'm dying to have it !! also yes i've seen her podcast it was so real! i prayed for it not to be awkward and thank god it wasn't because i still remember hailey's call her daddy podcast and all i can say is awkwaaaard

IM NOT HERE JUNE SECOND ILL B W MADISON MOTHER QUEEN BEER thank u very much gfdsdfgn finally she's releasing stuff and i admire her for that! also me too i'm still waiitng for the time i can finally go to space

I AM INDEED GREAT AND AS EXITEDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!

i love you the most <3

#ask

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lesbianmelkor · 6 months

Text

THE WHORE SLEEPS BADLY: a playlist for Emilio Sandoz

notes on songs under the cut!! emilio art credit to @ferretteeth

Alone Together - Fall Out Boy

this is the road to ruin and we´re starting at the end!!! emilio deserves to have some angsty music and also. this song is about being alone without being alone and being trapped and being loved for the worst things about yourself. i don´t know where i´m going but i dont think i´m coming home!!

2. Be Afraid - Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit

this is a song about feeling like g-d is ignoring you and feeling like you´re not living up to your potential and also the lyric "we´ve been testing you and you failed to see how long that you could hold it in before you screamed, but you only exhaled" g-ddddddd.

3. Bite the Hand - Boygenius

another song about emilio´s relationship with g-d. "i can´t love you how you want me to"?? he comes home and he can´t do it anymore!! it´s gone!! he´ll bite the hand that feeds him!!! also. "i can´t hear you, you´re too far away" cause he left g-d behind him on rakhat.

4. Butchered Tongue - Hozier

This is actually a pre-priesthood linguistics song for emilio!! minority culture always having to speak in another language than your own, especially for taino emilio... and then speaking these languages that literally nobody else on the planet speaks!! crazy

5. Colorblind - Counting Crows

literally just listen to this song and tell me this isn´t how emilio feels. "i am covered in skin, no one gets to come in" and then the repetition of "i am ready i am fine"?? im pulling my hair out.

6. Cringe - Matt Maeson

so this is actually the stripped version which makes me crazy in its own right but. "oh i make you cringe now. don´t i make you cringe now?" matt said this song is about leading a lifestyle that the people around you don´t approve of and it just. this one. just trust me.

7. Cry for Judas - the Mountain Goats

you get it. you get it. "mistreat your altar boys long enough and this is what you get." "i´m still here but all is lost". it was ruined!! all was lost!! he thinks he is judas betraying g-d!!! you know what i mean.

8. Floating in the Forth - Frightened Rabbit

so the lead singer of frightened rabbit committed suicide by jumping off a bridge into the firth of forth and he wrote this song about doing that before he did that and it just. just. it´s so important also remember this it comes up three songs later.

9. Graceless - The National

"G-D LOVES EVERYBODY, DON´T REMIND ME". this is a song about being in the world without being fully present and it kills me.

10. Leave My Body - Florence + the Machine

from the first line: "i´m gonna be released from behind these lines, and i don´t care whether i live or die" to the last: "moving up to higher ground, your history keeps pulling me down", this is a song about emilio trying to move forward as everyone keeps forcing him to relive what happened over and over.

11. The Modern Leper - Julien Baker

hey remember when i said remember the frightened rabbit trivia! this is from the cover album they released after their lead singer killed himself and it is sooooooo. this is a song about being fundamentally broken and diseased and the rest of the world ignores it but you know you´re unlovable. "i am ill but im not dead and i don´t know which of those i´d prefer"!!!

12. Never Quite Free - the Mountain Goats

this is a song about knowing that the trauma still hangs over you and you´ll never be able to escape it and it makes me cry. anyway. "it gets okay to praise the day, believe in sheltering skies and stable earth, but hear his breath come through his teeth". emilio is trying so hard to build a better life and sometime it just won´t happen!!

13. Prayer in Open D - Emmylou Harris

again from the first lyric to the last, this is a song about emilio sandoz. "there´s a valley of sorrow in my soul, where every night i hear the thunder roll like the sound of a distant gun over all the damage i have done" and it Gets Worse From There!!

14. Relative Fiction - Julien Baker

"cause i don´t need a savior i need you to take me home"!!! the religious trauma HITS when you´re trying so hard to be good for a g-d you no longer believe in!!!

15. Spent Gladiator 2 - the Mountain Goats

"stay alive. maybe spit some blood at the camera. just stay alive" what if your life and your pain was a spectacle and you dont know how to escape and you don´t even know what escape would look like. anyway.

16. Sun Bleached Flies - Ethel Cain

hey girls. hey girls. did you know g-d loves you but not enough to save you!! anyway religious trauma and having fallen in the eyes of g-d and not being able to fix it and just wanting to be safe and go home. "if it´s meant to be then it will be. i forgive it all as it comes back to me"!!! praying to go back to a home you know you can never return to. i am unwell.

17. Televangelist - Julien Baker

i hear you saying "jordan this is the third julien baker song on here" and all i can say is gay ppl with religious trauma understand emilio sandoz better than anyone else. anyway. "am i a masochist screaming televangelist clutching my crucifix of white noise and static. all my prayers are just apologies." you know what i mean.

18. 24 Frames - Jason Isbell

this is once again a song about g-d abandoning you!! "you thought g-d was an architect now you know he´s something like a pipe bomb ready to blow". it´s soooo good.

in conclusion: i am mentally unwell please appreciate the fruits of my insanity.

#the sparrow #emilio sandoz #mine #Spotify

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chaotic-queer-disaster · 2 years

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hi! i swear i've sent this ask before and if there was a reason for not responding to that then please just ignore this but. i remember you mentioning something about echolalia and was wondering what your experience with that was or if you have any resrouces on it. when i first learned about it i felt so called out it wasn't even funny, and i haven't been able to find much at all

hi sorry took a SUPER long time ive had zero energy to answer asks for awhile now

my experience with echolalia* mostly revolves around animal noises & tv & movies & sometimes music. like i meow a lot because my cat meows and i need to meow back. and when i'm watching things i'll repeat what the characters say, like watching the good place i always repeat chidi's "peeps in the chili pot" line & watching the hunger games i always go "that is MAHOGANY". then with music ill just randomly say lyrics after ive listened to the song (delayed echolalia) like "everybody burn the house right down" from house of wolves

there is functional/interactive echolalia & non-interactive echolalia. most of mine is non-interactive except for when im in speech loss, or when someone else opens conversation (like if they say HI i'll say HI if they say GREEMTINKS i'll go GREEMTINKS if they say BRO i'll go BRO). functional echolalia has a purpose; it's used in conversation. like, someone might say "do you want milk?" and the person with echolalia will go "do you want milk" back or "want milk". non-interactive echolalia is echolalia that's not directly used to converse (like my "that is MAHOGANY").

immediate echolalia (kind i usually have) and delayed echolalia (i do this sometimes) are also different types of echolalia. immediate is repeated right after you hear the thing, delayed is repeated after a significant amount of time.

some people communicate entirely in echolalia while others communicate largely in echolalia and others communicate equally or less than with normal words as they do echolalia. it all depends

echolalia is one of the echophenomenon; echolalia is echoing vocalizations, echopalilalia is a subset of echolalia where you echo words, echopraxia is echoing actions, echopathy is echolalia + echopraxia, & echoplasia is like. tracing the contours of objects. i believe there's also one for echoing written words out loud (which i do) but i don't remember what it's called

echolalia isn't the same as vocal stimming! it is good to try and figure out whether you're stimming or doing echolalia (though ofc there can be an overlap). vocal stimming is sensory stimulation (hence being a STIM) and echolalia is a form of communication in some way (even non-interactive echolalia is still kind of communicating). im not very good at breaking down the specifics though and really just use whatever makes most sense

i hope this helped inform you! somewhat! unfortunately i do not have resources but maybe people in the notes will!!

sorry this took so long lol

(*for those who don't know: echolalia is basically repeating things back, usually automatically, as a form of speech or communication)

#asks #echolalia

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girlwithfish · 1 year

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this is a three in one sorry LOL but I’m curious what your opinions are on in my arms and change (my two favorites) and hope… personally I cannot listen to hope due to the subject matter it makes me too sad

In my arms 10/10 its one of my favorites of his now !! very funny i used to not like it very much nd found the chorus annoying 😭 like when i first heard it in like late 2019 idk i thought it was ok but i didnt appreciate the instrumentation at all nd just didnt like the melody very much but that was a very debased opinion nd i def think when i first started listening to alex g a lot of songs didnt click for me at first but eventually grew on me so ive changed my mind on a lot of songs hardly dislike any songs anymore now since im such a huge fan now, Lol, so i started appreciating in my arms a lot more like a yr ago nd like the heavy guitar nd distorted sound nd the drums and everything are sooo good nd it sounds so heavy and atmospheric esp the outro is the most beautiful part for me nd i just think the lyrics are perfect nd the song is really really beautiful and like oozes emotion idk.. nd my favorite line is probably He laid his head back on my chest once had a wife now nobody's left...</3

Change 10/10 omg these r all also my favorites as well, Its always been one of my favorites early on and i think its one of his most beautiful songs its so raw~ and real nd i love everything abt it.. the lyrics are perfect 2 me and i love the two backing guitars and the main guitar itself so simple but beautiful and i would die to hear change live </3 ive always wanted to hear it.. i think its such a special song!! i love "You pulled my sleeve but not too hard" but also "remember when you took too much i didn't mind being your crutch" But i also love "we loved you then its not the same..... i don't like how things change" like....... how did he write this..

Hope is also a 10/10 like.. it is really such a sad song and the lyrics are soo </3 he put his whole heart into this song nd the guitar strumming pattern is so unique and interesting and as like the main eyecatcher ?earcatcher of the song its just so pretty and all the production along with it makes hope soooo good nd pretty but its sooo sad i agree </3 its one of his best songs and i think most people agree and seeing it live 2x has always been such an experience its so layered and beautiful and heartbreaking and the lyrics are so good.. i love the 2nd verse the most "I woke in the middle of the night / he spoke with his eyes half closed / can you get me something else to eat / got a hole in my chest / i can't take it anymore / put my pillow to the test / let me rest" <3 :(

send me an alex g song nd ill share my fav line and opinion and rate it <3 if u want

#TYYY <3333333 #these r also my fav alex g songs #<3 twins

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likefeathers · 2 years

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band review #1: owalloil

im not sure exactly how i want to format these posts yet, so i apologize if this is a bit rambly.

great seoul invasion brought a lot of new bands to my attention, which ive been beyond thankful for because oh my god theyre all SO talented. one of these has been owalloil! i really enjoyed watching their live audition, where they played their songs ‘young adult’ and ‘tree.’ i added them to my playlist after hearing them, but never listened to those songs much afterwards and never dove into the rest of their discography...

until a few days ago!!

i decided to put their music on shuffle while on my way to get breakfast; usually i wont listen to new music first thing in the morning but i was in a Mood and decided why not lol. i actually remember this really vividly, because the weather was amazing--it was foggy and not too hot, and there were leaves falling everywhere. the vibes were immaculate and i feel like they really complimented owalloils sound...which is what ill be moving onto!

i wasnt entirely sure what to expect after listening to the two aforementioned songs..i liked that they were upbeat, but often times ill listen to a song or two from a band, like them a lot then find out none of their other songs sound like that (not that its always a bad thing!). owalloil, however, leads a really nice transition from their softer songs to their more upbeat ones. they have an INCREDIBLY distinct sound, which is something that always pulls me deep into a kband

before i talk about the instruments and roles within the band, i wanna talk about the members. there are three members; leader and synth kwak jihyeon, vocalist and guitarist ryu jiho, and guitarist jang taewung. jiho and taewung are enfps and jihyeon is infp which i think is the funniest dynamic on the planet. jihyeon looks like their supervisor who never outright admits how much he adores his children... anyway! jiho is an absolute sunshine im a bit shocked its possible to be as cute as he is. he has the most ADORABLE smile on earth i cherish it dearly. taewung...i haven’t completely figured this dude out yet but hes like jihos partner in crime. overall incredible vibes with these guys

now onto instruments, you probably noticed i didnt mention a bassist or drummer (or have been waiting to hear me talk about this if you already stan!). owalloil has by far the most unique instrument lineup ive seen in a band. they were lowkey ridiculed for it on great seoul invasion, but i think the idea that a band must consist of the four traditional elements is so outdated. im not completely sure about this, but from what i hear and gather from my knowledge of synthetic instruments, it sounds like jihyeon produces the bass and drum sounds using his synth getup. the rhythm lines sound like they have less full of a base compared to recorded instruments, especially when you compare their independent tracks to their songs from great seoul invasion, where they had a guest bassist and drummer. im a total nerd for synthy stuff, so you can imagine this sound is right up my alley. jiho’s voice is REALLY nice. like. really really nice. the veeeeery vague rasp, the curve of his vowels, the range, its all just perfect. its really fun listening to how much energy his voice can have when singing quicker paced songs, and how relaxing and soft it can be in owalloil’s ballads. i was actually a bit sleepy while listening to them in one of my classes recently...they make incredible lullabies! taewung is a really fun guitarist to listen to. the bands guitar parts always sound like the ocean, very flowy and wavy and they have this glimmer to them that makes them really memorable as something that makes you feel lively. overall, owalloil is a complete feel-good band

oh oh real quick though, theres another thing i wanted to add about instruments! in one of their gsi stages, ‘the world we lived,’ jihyeon plays the glockenspiel! if youre unaware, glockenspiel is a mallet percussion instrument, like a tiny metal xylophone. it adds the most beautiful sound to the song..to me it sounds like twinkling stars. as a mallet percussionist myself seeing jihyeon play it honestly made me consider biasing him even more...

my favorite songs by them are ‘warrior’, ‘tree’, and ‘echo!’ the melody of echo is SO satisfying, and the lyrics to warrior are so gorgeous, especially the chorus. tree is so fun and its special to me as the first owalloil song i heard!

all in all these guys are an incredible addition to my stan list, and im honestly so thankful they seem to be getting a lot of traction from other kband stans these days. lets hope they go far!

#lets see how long it takes for me to reblog this because i forgot like 50 different things ive been planning to say #owalloil #great seoul invasion #kbands #오월오일 #ryu jiho #kwak jihyeon #jang taewung #류지호 #곽지현 #장태웅

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udonthreens · 2 years

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top 5 disco elysium moments i have never played the game but ithink you should explain it like i know everything already anyways

anon uve triggered my autism beam

these r vaguely ranked but also i. i dont promise coherency and if i thought abt it with more brain theyd be different.

5) ok this is the last one im writing and idk. theres so many good scenes and moments and nevermind. the chair. the fucking CHAIR and evrart. it took me 200hrs to see what happens when u PASS the composure check like. tbh failing this check is basically canon. slide down it like a jello shot. again like the megarich container guy this is one of those possible early moments of 'ou this games a fucking weird comedy' and i just. best way to assert dominance with the corrupt commie boss like 'what a great display of... idek what that was' and im pretty sure u lose a rep point with kim if u fail it too like. kim dont be mad this is just my interogattion technique im not giving the rcm a bad rep i promise kim

actually some honourable mentions: lamby, boardgames with kim, joyce pale convo, kim voice dilligent boy, THE CHURCH I DIDNT MENTION THE CHURCH i love doin the dance after gettin shot its so funny. love the rave kids. shivers voice theres a hole in my heart. the fucking 'lookin to score some d girl!' bit with kim & acele thats comedy gold actually. thats brilliant. i might just start listening everything. pinball with kim when u pass it im just like. kim why dyou sound so smitten . the piss and fuck jackets. actually i really like the whole bit with the working class woman that was Devasting. even more so when i realised u could actually tell her ud look for her husband ...... i liked the jamais vu viscal pleasure wheel bit after (i think that was added with the update? yes it was) altho i dont remember specifics just. his brain reconstructin smth as idk.. smth to make him feel better? felt bittersweet. i should go see that scene again.

ok ill fuckin wrap this up. 'are u... a really good detective?' great line and not a moment per say but. the fact that jean just. hangs around the whirling for several days in that fuckin wig like, obvs he doesnt move spots bcs its a video game (despite the edc lines showin that he does do other shit) cuz u need to know where to find him. but he just fuckin commits like. the character building from all this shit for whats technically a minor character. brilliant. doesnt HE have a fuckin job to do. also titus is always in the whirling for the same video game reason so like. yes. yes to that rarepair.

3) communist book club and the tower building that was soooooo cool not to mention the fuckin hilarity of readin bout inframaterialism for the first time nd going "???? is this pseudoscience in the game or can it ACTUALLY fucking happen like wtf"

2) karoke. pass over fail tbh limbic system KILLS it (and its more lyrical spoken word doesnt fit the song nd also i thot id actually hear harrys voice during that scene and we kinda did but like thats a different tangent) and kims support 'detective du bois... it was down right tragic' and the edc or concept check? concept i 5hink that was like 'to him that represented being an rcm member perfectly' like HELLO??? kim bestie its not 2 late for a career change. AND not to mention gartes reaction to it like... u really get the feeling that he Will get rid of the machine if harry fucks it up. however i do like the pass as well bcs a) harrys had enough cringe fail b) jeans deadbeat litany of 'yeah its shit it sucked awful' like. thats how he talks 2 harry when hes being NICE its so funny. het life partners <33

4) mega rich light bending guy. AGAIN the weiss thingymay coefficent where ur like 'is this an actual Thing or is harry just fuckin insane' nd also i crit succeeded on my first playthru real early on when i hadnt seen any of the wacky shit yet nd it just. the -2 if u have the artcop thought the fuckin ultralib shit . u get like 4 ultralib points at LEAST if u pass/fail the right concept check. god not to mention kim earnestly suggesting rcm reforms like kim bestie kim kim my bestfriend kim its not 2 late for a career change. also if u get the 100 real and kims like 'ur full of surprises most of them bad but some of them good' soooo true <33

1) salami man.

#answered #anon

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tourdion · 1 year

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what do you like about leonard cohen? basically all i know about him is that he is (was?) a singer-songwriter who wrote for example famous blue raincoat. had dark eyes. think he was a jew but could be wrong. anyway, what's special about him to you? really wanna hear:)

well well well well... you definitely came to the right spot... or maybe the wrong spot if its too overwhelming to properly describe & it is 2am but well.... first essential key context is there was a time in my life where with absolutely 0 exaggeration at least 90% of the music i was listening to (often actually a lot higher then this) was leonard cohen like my question every day wasnt hmmm who do i want to listen to 🤔 but specifically which leonard cohen albums do i feel like listening to & with every single one of his albums i had some extended phase where i was completely obsessed with it for a while & i do deeply love every single one & listened to 1000 hours of leonard cohen one year... actually i even have a screenshot of one of those timewhizzs websites with a bar chart for that year demonstrating the extent of my insanity ill try to find it.....

so this is just the preface..... also i just realised im literally wearing a leonard cohen t shirt rn 😇

i think i have to say the one thing that i find really special about him is his depth.. sounds like such a generic way to describe poetry and music but i mean it in a lot of ways... first that in every single line has been created with so much intention and contains so much meaning.. one example of this is in the song take this waltz (which may be my favourite song ever) which is a translation & adaption of a lorca poem which includes a line leonard cohen added himself "theres a bar where the boys have stopped talking theyve been sentenced to death by the blues" which refers to a time that lorca met up with hart crane with a mutual friend translating for them who eventually left as they came to a gay bar bc he was straight so they could no longer communicate & eventually lorca was killed by spanish fascists who wore blue uniforms & hart crane killed himself like there is a whole story in just these two lines and multiple meanings within this as well

i remember when i first got extremely intensely insanely obsessed with him after you know only being casually obsessed for a few years it was via this song and i didnt even know the story behind this line yet but actually even then it already was my favourite.. but i remember thinking how there was so much intricacy in each of the worlds in these songs i specifically remember thinking that i wished i could just live in his music for a while (then proceeded to do exactly that for the next year 🤓)

another thing is there have been so many cases with so many of his songs that i have just listened to that one song on repeat for days and unlike so many other people his music never ever gets boring after this and actually just gets better as you gain a deeper understanding

another song that i find really fascinating is obviously famous blue raincoat but the thing that really fascinates me is it is really actually so vague but the story it creates for people is often very vivid or at least obvious seeming... so many articles/reviews/quiz answers/people ive interrogated over the years have had so many insanely different interpretations & while sometimes people maybe less secure in their answers like oh i havent listened that much i might be wrong etc the basic premise of the song is mostly just assumed to be as they think & its the details that are less clear but these "basic premises" are always so different & this is what i love!!!!

lets end with a tale from my childhood... so i was a very out of touch child who hadnt watched shrek or the x factor so the first time i heard hallelujah was in my school choir & to make sure we remembered songs properly we werent allowed to read words to songs and i remember being so stunned by the beauty of the words when the choir teacher read those lines to us...

also realising i havent really touched upon my deepest love for him even at all yet but i was frantically drawing diagrams between his songs and constantly having to add more details because there is always just so much there in all his writing.. so my main obsession is his religious/romantic ambiguity & from his very first novel to his last albums he released in his 80s there are still common themes & its just all so insane

so this is a picture of my diagrams i could find quickly on my phone but its very likely that more couldve been added since......

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