#just. i want someone to just talk to about all this??? someone who isnt in my family because they all have stakes in it too????? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lilyystarr · 2 days

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um this is because @fuck-i-love-october was making me sad about wolfstar angst and nsfw :(

um so thinking abt post azkaban wolfstar. remus said that he thinks they need time before they dive right back into a relationship. i mean, sirius just spent 12 years being tortured and remus spent 12 years trying (failing) to hate the man who murdered his closest friends, only to find out he's innocent, it isnt the right time for either of them.

but sirius, oh sirius :( he's convinced its partly because he doesnt look the way he used to. his skin is sagging, hes all bones that click uncomfortably when he moves, his eyes have sunken in, no matter how much magic they use, his teeth will never fully recover. remus was there to help shower him, brush his matted hair out and wash the caked mud away from his skin. remus was there when he acted manically, or when he talked to hallucination. his voice gone rough from the years of screaming. he would walk around like a kicked dog. and sirius knew, he knew all these things to be insecure about. so of course, that had to be part of the reason remus doesnt want to continue things!

its only months after that they finally do kiss, its so sweet and gentle, far too gentle for someone like sirius, whos become all sharp and jagged edges over the years.

when the kiss does turn heated, sirius drops to his knees and desperatly tries to get remus' cock in his mouth, because before and after azkaban, sirius knows he was made for this, his mouth carved to fit the curve of remus' cock. despite his upbringing, he didn't mind the degrading position it put him in, loved it even. it was like he was worshiping remus.

before azkaban, sirius loved making eye contact as he went down on remus, it was so intimate and he knew that he'd always find love and adoration in remus' eyes. post azkaban, sirius couldn't bare to look up. he didn't feel pretty enough, didn't want to ruin it for remus by having him look at him. he also couldn't bare the rejection. before azkaban, sirius was a bit of a slut (lol we know). he would moan around remus' cock, pull off and ask "is it good? am i making you feel good moony?" post azkaban, sirius was quiet, and shy. he was so insecure and felt that if remus realised that it was sirius down there, he'd be disgusted and wouldn't finish.

when remus does finally finish he pulls sirius off and says "open up baby" (sirius tried to ignore the fluttering feeling the pet name gave him, he knew remus only said it in the heat of the moment) and remus came all over sirius' face. he licked some of the come around his mouth and couldn't help the cheeky grin that spread over his face. remus smiled with a flushed face as he reached forward to caress sirius' cheek and just gazed at him. "what?" sirius would ask, "you just look so beautiful, i want to take a photo" and sirius immediately pulls back with furrowed brows. and all sirius can think is 'is he making fun of me?' because why, the fuck, would remus, genuinely want of photo of sirius now? when he's old and hagged?

sirius' eyes well up with tears and when he finally pulls out of his thoughts he finds sirius looking down on him with concern. he tries to stop the tears from falling, his bottom lip wobbling pathetically, but the tears relents and soon he's sucking breaths of air in. "pads whats wrong?" remus would say a bit frantically. before azkaban, sirius never cried, well, he would cry late at night into remus' neck while they both pretended it wasn't happening. so now, remus was a bit out of his depth. and if we're being honest, if he wasn't so concerned he would def be laughing at sirius covered in cum, while sobbing.

remus pulls sirius into his lap, his body had become awfully pliant in the past 12 years. "sirius whats wrong? look at me, tell me whats wrong" sirius chokes out an apology and remus would just tell him he's done nothing wrong and he doesn't need to apologise, he'd rub his back and murmur things like "its okay, just deep breaths" even though hes so fucking confused.

when he does calm down remus has to coax out what made him so upset and sirius confesses he just doesn't understand why remus would want a photo, he isn't beautiful anymore and remus is just so ??? like how could sirius, Sirius Black ??? not think he's beautiful. and again, remus is so out of his depth because before azkaban, sirius was the least insecure person he knew, as far as looks go. and while remus is thinking, sirius is babbling on about what he thinks his flaws are and remus just stops him and he sounds so, idk, shocked? and he's all like "sirius, how could i ever expect you to love me if all i cared about was looks? you are so much more then a pretty face to me sirius, i love you for who you are, and i never stopped, no matter how hard i tried, i could never stop loving you" and they both just kinda 🧍‍♀️cuz that was the first time either of them said the l word and sirius just kisses him and when they pull back remus adds "and the pretty face is just a bonus"

then they fuck nasty after that >:)

#sorry this got a bit out of hand #i kind of rambled on about nothing lol #wolfstar #sirius #sirius black #remus lupin #marauders #post azkaban sirius #wolfstar angst

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starwikia · 2 months

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suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am.

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions.

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT.

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post.#before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly #again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but.#he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin.#its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it #its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people #we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves #so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit #like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it?#yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice.#this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi #gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism #its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt #if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions.#hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him #like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me.#its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it.#for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong #oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this.#james somerton #idk might delete this later its just. ugh...

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craycraybluejay · 7 months

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Saw a Reddit post about a cis woman infantilizing trans men, and this is why I think cis women are THE most annoying version of transphobia in the world. Like yeah a cis man will tell you "kys tranny" but he's not very well going to take the time to psychologically torture you for the heck of it by treating you like you are exactly [three] years old.

#im sorry but cis women are so much more likely to be really fucking weird to trans people #i cannot stand them #tw suibaiting #mentioned #transphobes #infantilization #transandrophobia #bite kill maim #look im not a misogynist BUT i dont trust women for shit #they are literally taught never to talk straight at people which results in some of the most convoluted psychological warfare ever #also on one side there's transphobic misogynists on the other side there's terfs #and very few women i've met cis OR trans have been normal about trans men and transmasculine people #even the tumblr trans community is chock full of either trans women telling us we're oppressing them and also us being hated doesn't matter #and spouting transandrophobic bullshit #but the cis women 'allies' who are like 'i know trans guys i have a trans friend who most definitely isnt scared to tell me off for my #fucked up behaviour'#the thing is this is very much how women bully other women so actually #newsflash #transmascs are not 'tme' and literally all fucking trans people are endangered by transmisogyny #some of you gals just have a superiority complex about it bc you want to have someone to look down on #almost every man I've met who is not old as hell or a borderline nazi is just. normal about it.#if a woman is too interested in your transness? run for the fucking hills #no she most probably won't physically attack you but she will try her damnedest to psychologically ruin you #not sorry if i come off as an asshole #these people are WAY too comfortable making us uncomfortable #i have had it up to here #if anyone tries to infantilize me for any reason i will scare them till they beg ME to leave them alone #idk how other people tolerate it but i sure as hell won't #and i am absolutely not above hitting a woman if she's touching me against my will #you want to baby me and constantly touch me and shit you are getting slapped into sunday

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hella1975 · 4 months

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just think this time tomorrow ill be publicly indecent in a spoons somewhere. i am so strong

#ONE MORE EXAM. WE CAN DO THIS. I WILL BE DONE IN LITERALLY LESS THAN 24 HOURS NOW #AND THEN THE NEXT EXAM SEASON ISNT UNTIL MAY. COME ON GIRL #we have such a fun plan for tomorrow though bc the consensus has just been 'we need to get fucking mangled after this exam'#like i havent been out-out in WEEKS the closest i came was the end of december for a hometown house party of all things #i didnt even go out for nye. let's all take a moment and consider the implications for someone like me NOT GOING OUT ON NYE #so i am OVERDUE a good night out and then on top of that ive had exams be SO fr #and also this is the first year where my main friendship group (i.e not my housemates but my actual social circle)#are ALL econ students like there's about five of us and we all do econ and yeah two of them ive been mates with since first year #(the girl is my best mate at uni and is always who im on about if i talk about a 'girl on my course' and the lad is the one i lived with #in first year and have kind of got a thing with now?) BUT THE OTHERS ARE NEW ADDITIONS AND THAT'S SO FUN #so we're ALL gonna tip out of that exam and then me and her are gonna go back to mine to get ready bc am i fuck doing make-up #before that exam. the STATES i have shown up in these past few days i think the invigilators are worried about me #and then we're meeting the lads at the pub and starting there and THEN going spoons bc it's me and the girl's tradition #(calling her just 'the girl' is so funny. woman 🫵) after exams to buy each other mystery shots at spoons and we HAVE to drink them #and then one of the lads really wants to go to a karaoke bar for some reason?? so that might be in my future #AND THEN we're going clubbing. im so ready. take me home vodka shots. the end is near please please please #hella goes to uni

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trans-estinien · 28 days

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people really love to conveniently forget trans men exist when they talk about feminism. or if they dont they make us out as also part of the problem as if we somehow are able to have the same amount of privilege as cis men. absolutely wild

#“not all men” is a valid statement because its fucking true #like guys. seriously. not every single man is evil #feminism isnt about putting men down its about raising women up to be equal and getting rid of gender inequality #sorry im seeing a massive uptick in people hating on trans men for being men lately and its fucking stupid #like yall are doing a great job at making me feel ashamed to be a man who likes men. awesome thanks guys #i dont normally make posts like this but its been rattling around in my mind for a few days now #its always put out like. all men (trans or not) are Inherently Evil and all women (trans or not) are Inherently Victims #which is absolutely the stupidest shit ive ever seen #and they also leave out anyone who doesnt fit into the man/woman dichotomy. and if they dont its always seen as woman lite #which is also stupid as fuck #not every nb/agender/other person is feminine asshole #anways. case in point. can we stop demonizing masculinity while also discussing the effects of misogyny and the patriarchy please.#because both of those things are very real and very much do hurt people #but im sick of people lashing out at trans men as if the problem magically doesn't affect us anymore because we are men #because guess what! newsflash! it affects trans AND cis men too!!#i shouldnt have to explain it should be obvious but like. im tired man #sorry ill forever be annoyed at women who just hate every single man who dares breathe in their direction because they COULD be an asshole #if you hate someone because of their gender no matter what gender it is i Do Not Trust You #anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk. replies are off cause i dont want to argue with people i just want to express my opinion

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emzular · 2 years

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jason vs billy, some thoughts.

tldr: jason wanted to kill eddie in cold blood, vs billy who was only violent because violence and abuse are all he's ever known.

i'll start by saying that when it comes to 80s tropey high school bullies, jason fits the bill perfectly. he's the jock, the cool rich guy. he's what steve was meant to be in season one. jason is your basic, white, rich school jock bully.

billy's different. he's a metal head and he doesn't conform to the sleepy town aesthetic of hawkins at all. he struts in, double denim, thick boots, curly long hair, rock music blaring loud as fuck. billy hargrove instantly doesn't look like the jock bully stereotype. he's the metalhead outsider, the new kid. but he tries to fit into the jock mould all the same. he plays basketball, he goes to the parties, he flirts with all the women, he fights king steve to be the top dog. because that's how he survives. his dad abuses him, we know that, but if billy has 'friends' and sports and parties and a reputation as the popular guy to uphold, maybe his dad won't end him. so billy plays the bully. and it's easy because he was raised by one. it's easy to play that role.

then again, it's likely easy for jason to play his role too. his dad was probably the popular guy at school, and he grew up rich. well off. of course jason's going to be popular, of course he's going to be a jock. but where billy's trying to fit the mould, jason is the mould. you can see that billy's trying to fit in by the way he practises his smiles, and his lines in the mirror. he's trying to be this perfect image. whereas jason already is.

anyway, jason goes on a rampage across hawkins, starts accusing literal children of satanism and accuses eddie of being a cult leader, all because his girlfriend died. and while that's heartbreaking as fuck for jason, his girlfriend died and he went crazy. jason wanted to kill eddie and the hellfire club. the worst thing in jason's life is that his girlfriend was hanging around with a potential satanist, and he decided he wanted to commit murder.

the worst thing in billy's life? pick one. he's abused by his dad, controlled by his dad, forced to live under his dad's strict rules; and then he's captured by the mind flayer, abused and used and controlled by the mind flayer until billy literally kills himself because it's the only way out. billy never wanted to kill anyone - yes in season 2 he makes comments, says he'll kill them, but he wouldn't. he's a seventeen year old angry hurt boy, and he's lashing out. he wanted to hurt, but that's because he was being hurt. he wanted the easy life he thought king steve had, he wanted the friends that max had, he wanted what everyone else had. but he never wanted to kill anyone, even if he said it. you can see his threats were just an excuse to throw fists (because fists is all he knows, from his father). he never started a witch hunt:

that was jason.

so tell me how the rich, easy life jock boy jason is better than the poor abused and tortured new kid? tell me why billy deserves to be vilified and called the worst villain in the show, when all of his actions stem to the fact that his father beats him up? jason became unhinged so fucking fast, because his perfect life and his perfect girlfriend was taken from him.

jason fought lucas in the end, literally encouraged the witch hunt of a group of kids. he was not going to stop. he did to lucas exactly what billy did in season two. but where jason is somehow "understandable" in his actions because his girlfriend died, billy isn't? billy found his thirteen year old sister in a strangers house with a bunch of boys, one of them being his own age; tell me he's not got a reason to be angry.

and hey: jason wanted eddie to die. he wanted to fight him and to kill him. jason wound up the entire town, and got a bunch of his friends together, convinced them to tag along in his murderous quest. jason was willing to commit murder.

billy never would've taken it that far. he got close, in season 2 with the fight at the end, but he's not a murderer. he didn't go there intending to kill steve, or lucas. he went there (weaponless) to get his kid sister back home. unlike jason, who went to the house in season 4 with the intention to kill.

billy was just looking for his sister, and found steve, an eighteen year old guy, with his thirteen year old sister. of course he fought. but jason? jason went after eddie with the intention to harm.

look at jason and his gang in season 4, vs billy and his in season 3.

jason rounded up a gang, got weapons, and was ready to kill eddie. billy was being mind controlled and abused the entire time. he didn't have any part to play in the villainy of season 3. but jason? in season 4? that was all him.

it reeks of classism, you know? going crazy/bloodthirsty for love vs finding your kid sister in the middle of the night with an adult male is not the same motive: one has privilege, the other does not. and also, jason does what he does by choice. billy never had a choice, he’s abused and mind controlled. jason chose and had the freedom to turn on eddie and to spread hate against him. billy was being told what to do by his father and then the mind flayer. billy was not acting of his own wishes. but jason was.

at the root of jason, is someone willing to kill.

at the root of billy, is someone willing to be killed.

and saying billy is worse than jason, saying billy is worse than someone who wanted to kill someone is saying that anyone who's trauma comes out in a way that isn't deemed "perfect" or "normal" is a villain. anyone who doesn't "fit the mould" of society like jason does, is a monster, and deserves to die.

#stranger things #billy hargrove #not talking about the racial side of it because i've made three essays about that already #ann rambles #i hope that the actors one day realise this #cos saying all this shit about billy really only perpetuates the stereotype that abuse victims go on to be abusers #saying billy is worse than jason #who wanted to literally murder someone #is barbaric.#i wont sit here and say that a character isnt racist if a poc thinks they are #but i hope that this reaches people because racist or not billy is not worse than a literal wannabe murderer.#im sorry #he's just not #harringrove #added bits.#classism innit

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frobby · 24 days

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I hate that disabled people need to be diagnosed to ask for accomodation. Accomodation should be available to everyone not just groups that *Need* it because if something makes someones life easier it should be available to them whether or not some doctor says its okay.

#Thinking about this cuz i asked my college professor if she knew a screen reader that worked with pdfs she was assigning #And she told me to call the disability office #But to get help from the disability office i need to be actually diagnosed and i dont want to/cant #So i just gotta struggle #Any autistics know of a free pdf reader that actually works let me know #This isnt even talking about people who are disabled and dont know about it #Idk if this a hot take or not #Happy autism acceptance month #Autism acceptance makes me think someone is giving me an award for autism #Which i accept graciously #I like being autisic but its so hard cuz my support needs arent very high so it feels like im gaslighting myself #I need to stop doing that #actually autistic #autism #disability #Just to add im not against getting diagnosed at all #Its just the theres some very simple accomodations that are unavaliable to people when not diagnosed and i think thats stupid

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misspickman · 3 months

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transfem kon proposal could have been good if was good

#it was not. good #and i know theres a lot of transphobic assholes happy we didnt get it bc of that #but pretending that everyone who criticizes it is doing so only bc they cant handle kon being a trans woman. is just.#you cant see past the blind want for representation #again i would kill for canon transfem kon but everything about that idea was bad #and her characterization of kon was horrid and so clearly based on yj tv show #remember how when her first bit of kon writing came out and everyone was mad about it bc it was Bad and put him in a relationship with mgan #who he. never spoke to in comics before but suddenly theyre in an established relationship #and it was all around not good kon writing. but then the proposal came out and suddenly everyone is oh we were robbed..#as if anything about it was good except for the general idea of making kon a trans woman #also im sorry but i saw her replies on twt where she was saying being trans is about burning your past and leaving everything behind #or whatever. as if being trans is the same for all of us. and as if it makes sense for kon who isnt in a bad situation re family?#but of course it would seem that way if youre coming from yj tv show. where most of the clark and kon misconception comes from afaik #and her whole issue with conner and kon as his names? bc they were given to him by another person??#i know that we like. if we were to get trans woman kon. it would have to go with changing her name and everything #bc u know dc cant conceptualize any more complex trans person than someone who instantly changes their name and fully transitions in a sec #but the way she talked about the name issue as if its bad that clark named kon. as if he wasnt so overjoyed at getting that name.#'he said not to call him superboy and we kept calling him superboy!' girl he said that bc he wanted to be superman. of all the many ways #u can find trans allegory in kons story. that single line aint it #so sorry but every time im reminded of this i get so sad and disappointed u took the best concept and fucked it up so bad #and now all people think of when trans kon is mentioned is fucking sk*******#its so over (its not bc im about to forget about it again and ignore its existence)#txt #im sorry for being a bitch again but did u read that. thats not the kon we know. dont tell me thats the point bc its about transitioning bc #u do not become a whole other person when u realize youre trans #and sorry but i do think itd be nice to have trans kon without just turning him into a (new) oc

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formosusiniquis · 1 year

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things i know/things i want to learn

also on ao3 if you want the full smut experience, otherwise this stands on its own

He knows it's crazy. He knows it borders on batshit even. He knows it's weird and obsessive and, frankly, a little unhealthy.

But Nancy Wheeler started it.

Nancy Wheeler who is scary and prim and proper. Nancy Wheeler who had his hand in her lap last week, painting his nails a regal navy blue because it was the closest Nancy Wheeler had to black. Nancy Wheeler who spent the time their nails were drying chatting at him, like the Upside Down had spit him out solely so she would have a gal pal she could talk about boys with -- a first, he imagined, if his memory of Barbara Holland was at all accurate. Nancy Wheeler who said, "Jon is sweet, and he tries so I feel bad for even thinking it, but he just doesn't have as much fun when he's down there and you can tell. I mean, you know, when Steve did that thing he does with his tongue-"

Eddie has been running that particular sentence fragment through his head for the last week.

That thing with his tongue.

Has fun.

You know.

Cause the thing is, he decidedly does not know. He has never come anywhere near the realm of knowing. He would love to know exactly what he has done to make his new sort of friend, sort of nemesis and obvious flame of Steve's still burning affection think that he has any fucking inkling of a clue what kind of shit Steve 'always goes down' Harrington does with his tongue.

It's all he can think about.

Eddie is but a man. A man who has been forced by the fascist government and their pet doctors to stop smoking and give up most of the other addictive substances that he partook in for the sake of his admittedly shaky health. A man who has had these demands enforced by the much more effective puppy eyes of one Steve 'stop calling me mom, remember I was cool once' Harrington. A man who has an addictive personality, comes by it honest, and having given up smoking and drinking and the occasional bump -- anything from nature's bounty stays of course, he's not a total fucking loser -- has needed something new to latch onto.

Thank you Nancy 'I can only orgasm from oral' Wheeler for helping him straight onto the high that is staring at Steve Harrington and his pretty pink mouth.

I can tell he isn't having fun, not like Steve.

This thing with his tongue.

You know.

He wants to know.

The second thing, and it's barely a thing at all these days, is he does technically have some of the same shit going on that Wheeler does. A little bit less now. If there's a silver lining to this whole bat thing it's that, though he may be a nipple short, he lost enough of one tit to sweet talk his way into government funded top surgery, just to even things out. A just as silver lining, he was saved from the awkward 'guess what I'm trans' conversation thanks to the bat induced blood loss. When the older teens found him and Dustin, one of them in hysterics the other clinging to this mortal coil with both fists as best he could; and used the remains of a shirt that had seen better weeks to staunch the bleeding from his neck only to reveal that his own rippling pectorals had a different bounce than Steve 'at least I got to see his chest before I die' Harrington's. There wasn't any time for anything other than 'if he's still bleeding he's still alive let's move.'

They haven't talked about it.

He is fine not talking about it.

Prefers his acceptance this way actually. He knows he has a heating pad with his name, literally, on it at the Harrington abode, along with some other necessities. The only acknowledgement of his situation at all, that heating pad that's tucked away in the same drawer as Robin's -- also with her name on it like Steve doesn't trust them to share.

He would like to talk about it a little now. Now that he's been cleared for moderate exertion by a very mean physical therapist who enjoys inflicting so much misery on him that he's thinking of scrapping the black hanky all together. Cause he'd really, really like to know about that tongue thing.

Actually, first he'd really, really like to know why Nancy thinks he would already know. Maybe that's what eats at him the most -- second most the bats had actually eaten at him a lot, so he figures he can obsess about this for at least another week before it risks overtaking the literal eating -- that the woman who having had it all, having had Steve 'I know I saw you yesterday, but I missed you' Harrington in her pocket, and gave it away somehow sees something that makes her think Eddie is having sex with her ex-boyfriend on the regular.

She's supposed to be a detective, a real dateline NBC type. How on earth can she be looking at him and not see a starstruck virgin who, yes, is admittedly very, very in love lust with her ex.

And how is she okay with it?

Isn't there a best friend code or something? Not that Eddie would lay claim to that title, and it definitely feels weird ascribing it to Nancy when he's got the hellfire boys; but surely the regular friend code or the we survived a traumatic experience together and now we're inexplicably bonded for life code also has a byline about not sleeping with your compatriot's ex-boyfriends.

Even if she already thinks you know about how he gives good head.

So he just watches instead.

Watches him smile. Watches him pout. Watches him bite and lick and worry. Watches how they shine with something that's definitely more than just spit some days. Watches even closer to see if he can catch what Mabeline magic must be going on them.

He watches and watches and watches.

He has, by virtue of obsession, become the most studied observer of Steve 'absolutely wearing cherry flavored lipgloss' Harrington's mouth. He has also, by virtue of necessity, become the most talented reader of Steve 'seriously, Eddie, do I have something on my face' Harrington's lips.

Which provides him with a very interesting opportunity as he's browsing through the Family Video, looking for his pick for the weekly Big Kids Only movie night and not at all stalking Steve Harrington and his mouth.

"I'm going to ask him."

And Robin says something that involves an eye roll and a finger jabbed into a green polyester vest.

"I know I said it last week, but I mean it this time."

Her eyebrows are raised, so unimpressed she goes back to the counter to do whatever work stuff they supposedly do while they're here.

"I do mean it,” those cherry flavored lips pout, a dignified hand on his hip in the face of Robin’s clear disbelief.

She doesn’t open her mouth to answer this time but the arched brow and quirked smirk are clear enough that even he can make a guess at her response.

“I know I said that too, but I only kind of meant it last week. I actually mean it this time. “

She rolls her eyes, spitting out something quick and no doubt sharp and cutting with a slash of her hand.

“Just watch this.”

By this point Eddie 'hopelessly devoted to Stephan Richard Harrington’ Munson had actually stopped even pretending to be browsing the movie offerings of the sainted Family Video. He had in fact been standing with his hands wrapped around a copy of The Last Unicorn watching Steve ‘does this thing with his tongue’ Harrington and his stupid mouth while he gossips with his stupid friend -- sorry, Buckley. A fact Steve must have already made note of, since he’s locking eyes with Eddie from across the store and shaping those soft pink lips into, “Go out with me?”

And that’s…

He does this thing with his tongue, you know.

You know.

Maybe he didn’t then, and maybe he doesn’t know why Nancy ‘shit we might actually be friends, I can never let her find out about this’ Wheeler thought he already would.

But if he plays his cards right, he might find out very, very soon.

#steddie #steddie fic #my fic #trans eddie munson #if you do pursue the smut be warned author is ace and a virgin #author is also not cis but not on t #so i feel like those may be their own content warnings of a kind #sometimes you just have a bunch of dialogue you want to use #and then when youre using you realize the hard way there has to be sex to transition between them #this is a nancy and eddie friendship blog #i do think nancy needs someone to talk about boys with who isnt her exbf or her current bf #but also nancy needs someone who will force her to have fun and act her own age #eddie is dragging nancy kicking and screaming toward confronting her trauma about having age appropriate fun #and i did accidentally just give myself a new plot thought in the tags of my own fic oops #eddie forcing the original monster hunter trio who have all grown up to fast to enjoy the teen years they lost?#now im turning my tags into my notes app

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azpherambles · 3 months

Text

Feel like face blindness is underestimated as a thing that Completely Fucks Up your ability to socialise and make friends, especially when its combined with time blindness.

Want friends but cant recognise people and have no idea when you last talked to someone?

The only way you can do that is to be in a situation where the same people show up in the same place at the same time, or/AND where said people approach you first and frequently enough to where you can figure out a way to find them that doesnt involve needing to know what they look like.

Oh, you already did that? Well now you have to actually remember they exist and contact them. Regularly. And pretend you care. You wish you did.

Even worse if you're depressed or otherwise emotionally suppressed naturally or otherwise. As a lot of autistic people are. Its not at all surprising no one makes an effort to hang out with someone who never recognises them, never contacts them, and if they do has nothing they want to say and has no response to anything you do or say, and shows no sign they even like you at all.

But people are still really cool. Wish my brain actually wanted anything to do with them sometimes. Would be nice.

#That aspie quiz haunts me with that 'tends to form bonds with people they dont know #and tends to lose interest when they get to know someone'#idk if thats what the qestion meant but i wonder if its being drawn to strangers or just never being able to get past that first interaction #yes i dont care about you at all. yes i want to see you and hear about how you are. i dont care that i havent talked in a decade both as #time doesnt matter to me and. the gap fills me with no urge to fill it #born a human who needs humans. born with none of the instinct to make that happen or to care that it doesnt #not aro as in aromantic but aro as in my brain is incapable of bonds #i want to talk about that more someday #as usual 'is this autism or just depression'#cares the least about anyone through no fault of their own. friendliest person to everyone around you to compensate #that a thing? yeah? i dont like saying it out loud cuz it sounds like and i say this with heavy literal and metaphorical quotation marks #“”“”psycho behaviour“”“”#this isnt a sad or vent post im like doing The Thinker Pose because im thinking #autism #depression #face blindness #time blindness #actual tags for finding things look at that #do they even work this far down

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alternia-confessions · 7 months

Note

⇈-11 ((Goldblood-8.5-Ass11gned Male At Hatch11ng)) Do Not Know 11f 11 Am Really As C11sgender As 11 Thought ==> My Mo11ra11l ((8-Ol11ve)) 11s A Trans Male And 11 Don’t Know 11f 11 Should Ask Them For Gender Adv11ce Or Not ((He 11s St11ll A L11ttle Mad At Me For Tell11ng H11m He Was 11gnor11ng H11s Ol11ve H11story))-⇊

⇈-But 11 Am A Staunch Supporter Of The S11gnless And 11 Bel11eve That Focus11ng On Tr11v11al Gender Troubles Takes Away From When 11 Can Be Study11ng H11s Teach11ngs ==> So 11 W11ll 11gnore 11t For Now-⇊

⇈-𝓢11𝓰𝓷𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼 11𝓼 𝓛𝓸𝓻𝓭-⇊

⇈-𝓐𝓬𝓬𝓮𝓹𝓽 𝓗11𝓼 𝓣𝓮𝓪𝓬𝓱11𝓷𝓰𝓼 11𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓟𝓾𝓶𝓹𝓫11𝓼𝓬𝓾11𝓽 𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓦11𝓵𝓵 𝓑𝓮 𝓢𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓭-⇊

•

Question: I (Goldblood - 8.5 - Assigned male at hatchIng) do not know if I am really as cisgender as I thought. My moirail (8 - Olive) is a trans male and I don’t know if I should ask them for gender advice or not (he is still a little mad at me for telling him he was ignoring his olive history)

But I am a staunch supporter of the signless and I believe that focusing on trivial gender troubles takes away from when i can be studying his teachings. So I will ignore it for now.

Signless is lord

Accept his teachings into your pumpbiscuit and you will be saved

#okAy wow.. lot to UnpAck #first of All the olive history comment is.. weird #Unless hes literAlly pretendin to be A different blood color he isnt ignorin shit.. hes jUst bein himself #i think yoU jUst hAve some internAlized shit thAt mAke yoU feel like yoU need to constAntly feel gUilty for bein An individUAl #And seein someone yoU cAre AboUt bein open And honest AboUt who they Are is threAtenin to thAt belief #yoU shoUld Apologize.. hopefUlly for yoUr sAke he Accepts yoUr Apology #Also i wont disclose my thoUghts on the signless or his followers here.. bUt i will sAy this:#for someone who preAched eqUAlity And self love for All.. do yoU reAlly think he woUld wAnt his followers to mAke themselves miserAble??#Are yoU not A troll?? Are yoU not someone worthy of self love?? why Arent yoU Allowed to be who yoU were Always meAnt to be??#is thAt not the greAtest Act of defiAnce?? to find hAppiness in A world As bleAk As oUrs??#Um.. AnywAys i think yoU shoUld jUst tAlk to yoUR moirAil Anon. im sUre theyll sUpport yoU.. even if theyre mAd right now #unreality

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