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gatheringbones · 1 year

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[“Those of us who stay in gaslighting relationships have decided—usually unconsiciously—that we need to be able to tolerate anything, and that we have the power to fix anything.

Melanie, for example, needed to believe that she was a kind, nurturing person whose all-encompassing love would create—single-handedly if necessary—a happy marriage. No matter how badly Jordan behaved, she should, she could, and she would be loving enough to make things work. Facing how unhappy she was with Jordan meant giving up this idealized version of herself and accepting that she couldn’t overcome her husband’s difficult ways solely through the power of her love.

Likewise, Jill needed to see herself as so strong and so talented that no boss could ever bring her down. She wanted to believe that she could do good work in even the most difficult situation and that, by the sheer force of her abilities, she could transform a bad job into a good one. Acknowledging that her boss didn’t care how good she was felt like giving up her very self.

As you can see, these are fantasies of power. We’ve made up a vision of ourselves as able to transform any situation if only we do things right. Instead of giving up on our gaslighter and moving on, we try desperately to prove that we can change him. Failing that, we try to convince ourselves that his bad behavior doesn’t really matter because we are so strong.

The roots of this effort reach back to childhood. Parents who are disappointing and unreliable put their children in an emotional corner. To face the truth about them—that they sometimes behaved like self-absorbed children—would be overwhelming. What two-year-old, four-year-old, or even twelve-year-old can bear to realize that her mommy can’t protect her, that her daddy may not come through? How terrifying to be a child with unreliable, unloving parents! We know we’re not old enough or strong enough to take care of ourselves, so if they won’t do it, who will? And if even Mommy or Daddy won’t love us, we must be so unworthy and unlovable that no one else will. So instead of seeing things with such terrible clarity—instead of realizing that our parents can’t take care of us or love us the way we’d like because of their own limits—we begin to blame ourselves (“It must be my fault”), just as we’ll later do with our gaslighter.

But we don’t stop there. We make up fantasies to compensate for the reality of neglect and disappointment, fantasies that seem to give us more control. If we are strong enough and powerful enough, maybe it won’t matter that our parents can’t come through for us—we can take care of them, instead! “No matter what Mommy does, I’ll be okay,” the little girl might say to herself. Or “No matter how much Daddy disappoints me, it doesn’t matter.” We try to see ourselves as strong, tolerant, understanding, forgiving—anything to make our parents’ failings irrelevant.”]

robin stern, the gaslight effect

#robin stern #cw abuse #brainspace #currently reading #woman as healer fixer savior civilizer incubator

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usunezukoinezu · 2 years

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The gaslighter may genuinely believe every word he tells you or sincerely feel that he’s only saving you from yourself. Remember: He’s being driven by his own needs. Your gaslighter might seem like a strong, powerful man, or he may appear to be an insecure, tantrum-throwing little boy; either way, he feels weak and powerless. To feel powerful and safe, he has to prove that he is right, and he has to get you to agree with him.

Robin Stern

#Robin Stern

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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wwprice1 · 6 months

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A much smaller Bat Family enjoys the holidays together. Beautiful art by Christian Duce and Sarah Stern.

#dc comics #dc heroes #dc women #batman #bruce wayne #bat family #batman family #Robin #batman and robin #jason todd #Jason Todd Robin #Nightwing #dick grayson #barbara gordon #batgirl #alfred pennyworth #christian duce #sarah stern

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dot-png · 2 months

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#my art #hfjone #onehfj #charlotte stern #parker robins

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navy-leader · 9 months

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They said "put those objects into a situation" and buddy the emotional damages it caused

#navy arts #hfjone #hfjone airy #amelia euler #bryce hansen #liam plecak #charlotte stern #parker robins

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brifdi-daily · 23 days

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Day 32: Parker & Moldy (Charlotte)

Source: ONE [cheesy hfj]

oh no it seems two friends are having a rough patch itd suck if something spontaneously occurred that would obstruct them from working through it ever

#rq from a guy on tweeter. naturally i will not be trying this hard for every future request i may get I just had a fun idea for this one Lol #one #hfjone #parker robins #charlotte stern #moldy #contestants #other #dailies #32 #cheesy hfj

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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iwantmycarkeysback · 21 days

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boo! hfjone doodles on free draw 2 jumpscare

if you cant read the text;

liam ; do u swear?

bryce ; yea. shit.

liam; no

as in promise

bryce ; oh

#hfjone #circle #airy #liam plecak #bryce hansen #amelia euler #garrett dennis #parker jay robins #charlotte whitney stern #taylor nolan #charise lantigne #folder #owen thompson #AAAAAHHH HES IN MY WALS

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moonsidesong · 21 days

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@brifdi-daily week 5!!! wahooo!!! i was pretty sleepy this week so i mostly did like... easy ones... also parker and charlotte experiencing hte horrors thats there too

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molecircle · 4 months

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they took him cave exploring

#circle hfjone #circle with a mole #15 #moldycircle #charlotte stern #parker robins #is this. how u spell his name or is his name like that #idk

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florissimps · 1 year

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some unfinished hfjone stuff ( i rly like this one :3 )

there were supposed to be subtitles too but i forgor

#florisdraws #hfjone #cheesy hfj #liam plecak #backpack hfjone #bryce hansen #soda bottle hfjone #charlotte stern #moldy hfjone #amelia euler #hfjone scenty #taylor nolan #magazine hfjone #parker robins #candy bar hfjone

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dailydccomics · 1 year

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deeply unsettling Batman Beyond vol 6 #22

#terry mcginnis #matt mcginnis #dc comics #batman #robin #batman beyond #scarecrow #adalyn stern #BB vol 6 #dc #batfam

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gatheringbones · 1 year

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[“Many of us can’t bear the idea of being outside a relationship, so ending a romantic partnership may feel to us like the end of the world. We simply can’t imagine life alone. Many of us, too, have a general fear of abandonment that affects every one of our relationships, including those with friends, colleagues, and bosses.

In all these cases, the idea of leaving or diminishing a relationship may trigger profound feelings of aloneness that seem far more painful and terrifying than even the worst gaslighting. So we idealize our gaslighter and try desperately to make it work rather than face how unpleasant and unsatisfying the relationship has become.

For some of us, our very sense of identity is organized around being in a relationship, or having a particular job. When I explored with Melanie, for example, how she might feel about not being married to Jordan, she said bleakly, “I’ll just be nothing. I’m nothing without him.” Jill said something very similar. “If I can’t succeed at this job,” she told me, “then I��m just a nothing.”

Once again, we need to remember that we don’t know what the future holds. Despite our terror, we may feel a huge relief when we free ourselves from a gaslighting relationship. We may discover that we don’t feel alone at all but rather empowered and content. Or perhaps we continue to miss our gaslighter but are still happy to have left. And yes, sometimes leaving or limiting a gaslighting relationship does indeed trigger all the loneliness and anxiety that we feared, but despite our pain, we know we’ve made the right decision.

Often in our culture, there’s a message that if you do the healthy thing, you’ll find happiness, pure and simple. I think that the truth is more complicated and that even the healthiest decision may bring sorrow, grief, and fear. But if we face our fears and choose wisely, we may be grateful for the decision that preserved our integrity.”]

robin stern, the gaslight effect

#robin stern #brainspace #cw abuse #currently reading

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usunezukoinezu · 2 years

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Gaslighting works only when you believe what the gaslighter says and need him to think well of you. The problem is, gaslighting is insidious. It plays on our worst fears, our most anxious thoughts, our deepest wishes to be understood, appreciated, and loved.

Robin Stern

#Robin Stern

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sulsulesbian · 1 year

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