written with @wolfstarmicrofic prompt: heartthrob

Remus enters the Great Hall, long legs taking shuffling strides, flashing sharp collarbones and even sharper eyes, rugged scars glittering in the light.

A few Hufflepuff girls giggle as he passes by. An androgynous-looking Slytherin stares longingly.

A Ravenclaw boy sighs dreamily. “He was my gay awakening, you know?”

“No way!” the boy across from him exclaims, “Mine too!”

Sirius grins as the clueless casanova sinks into the seat beside him.

“Got some syrup on your face, Pads,” Remus informs before casually leaning forward and licking it off the corner of Sirius’ lips, leaving him flushed and gaping.

Fucking heartthrob.

word count: 100

here’s Wolfstar being a couple of menaces and driving James up the wall while he’s trying to study (he’s only “studying” in the library in attempt to impress lily, so no harm done)

I’ve been hoarding a bunch of Marauders scribbles I’ll probably never clean up so expect more incoherent chaos

Dorcas: who was your first kiss?

Sirius: Remus

James: Remus

Lily: Remus

Mary: Remus

Barty: Remus

Peter: Remus

Regulus: Remus

Dorcas: Remus, you little slut

Sirius: you kissed my brother?!

Remus: uhhh

Obsessed with the dynamic where Sirius is wildly jealous of anyone who talks to remus but… not a single person wants him. Like pls he’s yours nobody here is trying to take him

Remus, existing:

Barty: OMFGGGG HES SO HOT WTFFF

Evan: JSJDJSSKDKDLOSJSHDHD HAVE TOU SEEN HIM???

Sirius: BACK TF AWAY HES MINE

James: He was my first kiss.

Regulus: He was my gay awakening.

Remus: ???

Remus Lupin the Casanova of gryffindor tower? Oh darling no! My boy was a 6ft something werewolf with NO social skills with a deep rooted sense of self hatred and doubt. Initially he didn't talk (forgot about flirting?) with anyone other than the Marauders, (and even with the Marauders he tried everything to push them away but those boys attached themselves to him like leeches and never let go)

He was so shy and insecure and a professional overthinker that after every conversation with a stranger he was so afraid to turn his back to them with the fear of them talking about him, anytime he entered a room and people were whispering he would immediately make it about his scars (even thought they kids were discussing about James Potter and Regulus Black being the next IT couple)

My boy was just so scared to talk to people

He wasn't mysterious, merlin no, he wasn't sly (almost the entire Hogwarts 6th and 7th year student body and the entire gryffindor tower knew about him being a werewolf because obviously?? Like his nickname was MOony?? His family member was always sick on the full moon?? He had visible big scars on his face??? No one said anything because honestly no one cared?? What harm could this boy with an obsessive choclate and old jumper addiction do??) He was just a tall awkward nerd with the comfiest sweaters and a melted chocolate always in his pocket.

The point is, my boy, my darling, my lovely, my moon, Remus Lupin? He was NOT the Casanova of the gryffindor tower.

Now Mary MacDonald on the other hand-

Current day Wolfstar(let me preface this by saying, you should take liberties when it comes to these character, JKR sucks, these are just my gripes with how the fandom currently perceives these two)

Aka I’m annoyed so I’m making it everyone else’s problem. The “stupid feminine Sirius who’s 5’4 and who’s oh so much uglier than Remus, and he’s basically just a charity case!” STOP IT, stop it stop it, stop it. I have zero problem with feminine Sirius, go wild, my problem is with relating femininity to weakness and stupidity.

Also, I am so, SO sick of “big alpha 6’5 hot Gryffindor Casanova Remus Lupin”, not only does it not make sense, it’s annoying, and it reinforces gender roles. Remus Lupin spent his whole life being told he was basically a big scary monster, who can’t be around other children, HOW do you think he would react to being perceived as this big angry asshole with no regard for the people around him?

ALSO, Remus Lupin was NOT drop dead gorgeous, I’m sorry to say, he was not the hottest guy around(that is still my darling man and I will not tolerate anything against my darling man), he was a scrawny werewolf with scars, and premature lines and shabby clothing, if anything, he looked like an anemic average British man in the seventies, if not below average.

Sirius was literally “Hogwarts’ pretty boy”. I’m not saying this to make Remus seem like a charity case, because, wolfstar is pointless when you make one the “man” or “woman”, or “hot” and “ugly”, i’m saying this because Casanova Remus Lupin annoys me, if ANYONE was “Casanova of Gryffindor Tower” it was Sirius Black. (I also think people forget the negative connotation with the term “Casanova”, which is sometimes annoying to see when talking about Remus, or Sirius)

Also, I could talk about how canonically, Sirius was the tallest marauder, or how a huge part of his character was HOW hot he was, I could talk about how he was hotter than Regulus, i COULD talk about how Remus wasn’t the smartest marauder, I could talk about how Sirius is canonically an overly clever wizard, I could talk about how if anyone is aggressive between the two, it was Sirius, but, I don’t think I will, because that will seem like I’m trying to push Sirius being the “aggressive man” of the two, and Remus being the “ugly woman” of the two, and I don’t believe that,

Wolfstar has now become just a way to reinforce gender roles on two characters, and that’s gross, making Remus the smart aggressive “man” of the relationship, and Sirius the stupid small “woman” of the relationship, is just gross dude.

Wolfstar doesn’t HAVE to fall into gender norms, that’s not necessary, neither of them HAVE to be the “man” or “woman”, that’s NOT necessary.

Remus being a funky looking guy, while Sirius is a hot nepo baby, is so beautiful, and it makes their relationship so much more interesting than “man aggressive and hot” and “woman ugly but pretty and pathetic”.

Anyways, let Remus be a skrunkly little man, and let Sirius be hot, also STOP ASSIGNING GENDER ROLES TO THEM OH MY GOOOOOD DHFBFJDJCJ

james potter could get bitches but he chooses not to (because the bitches he wants, he cannot get)

sirius black could get bitches but he chooses not to (he's so aroace-spec and hates anyone he isn't already friends with <3)

remus lupin cannot get bitches and he chooses not to (head over heels for sirius)

peter pettigrew could get bitches and he does get bitches. male bitches though. my man is gay asf. (please read that in matt berry's voice)

Casanova of the Gryffindor tower: A gay werewolf who's scared of women

Hc that instead of merlin's beard/Godric Gryffindor Sirius starts using variations of Lupin's name as exclamations in his everyday language like

"Lupin's furry tail, that was close"

"By Lupin's name, I will hex you"

"Remoony's baggy Y-fronts, Minnie's going to kill us!!"

"Lupin's most luxurious pelt, those dungbombs did a number, huh?"

"Moony's pants, what have we done"

It drives Remus up the wall but it catches up with James, Pete and the girls and by extension, the whole Gryffindor tower and soon there are several variations going around and almost on every corner you can hear someone go

"Acting the Lupin"

"Buggering Lupin"

"Gobsmacked Remus"

"In the name of Lupin"

"By the power invested in me by Remus Lupin"

It's hilarious and by the end of their time at Hogwarts, Remus doesn't even notice it anymore to the extent that it goes from blushing profusely and dropping whatever he's holding in surprise to blushing mildly and stuttering.

With the continued and unnecessary discourse about the way that Sirius and Remus are portrayed in fan works I need you to remember something.

How conventionally attractive somebody is does not equate to how hot they are.

It never has. 

If you want to bring canon into it, Remus Lupin is canonically ridiculously smart and super fucking tall (if we're also bringing the movies into this).

And that is also not to mention the fact that somebody can be: disabled, covered in scars, extremely thin, too tall, and STILL BE CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.

Take a look at the scope of celebrity as it exists today. The sheer amount of celebrities that are not conventionally attractive in anyway, yet are still known as hot as fuck is astronomical. Half of your faves would be labeled weird looking but because of their charm and their talents, everyone thinks they're hot. This concept exists in every facet of life. Just ask any feminine  presenting person who has ever worked as a waitress what she thinks of that Nosferatu looking motherfucker who works in the cook line.

So if you wanna head canon Remus Lupin as ugly as shit or super fucking hot go ahead do what you want, that's your choice. But just remember that no matter what your choice is and no matter what your head canon is the POSSIBILITY of him being the Casanova of Gryffindor Tower the boy that everybody wants STILL EXISTS.

He can be ugly as hell but he's still hot as shit.

Everyone has a crush on Remus Lupin at one point or another. Everyone. Doesn’t matter your house, doesn’t matter your sexuality. And it always presents itself differently.

Some people realize, and some don’t. Some people play it off, let it pass. Some people let it fester, hovering as if they’d be the one to get his attention back. Their entire group of friends went through it at Hogwarts.

James was in third year. He’d gotten on the train after winter hols and suddenly Remus was 4 inches taller with a new haircut and a pack of muggle cigarettes in his pocket. Mary was after James, in fourth year after she landed on Remus during spin the bottle and got the chance to be snogged within half an inch of her life. Lily was fifth year, because she spent so much time with Remus as they were both prefects, and no one is quite sure that one ever went away. Marlene was sixth year, when Remus’ growth spurt passed her and she caught him wearing makeup after a dare from Sirius. Peter was in seventh year, when Remus was the only one in their group who didn’t let the stress of NEWTS get to him, because that cool and nonchalant intelligence really did it for him.

No one counts Sirius as a crush, because that boy fell in love the moment he tried to count all of Remus’ freckles their first night in Gryffindor.

Sirius Black, sliding next to Moony at breakfast: Morning Remus

Remus John Lupin, Casanova of Gryffindor Tower, resident pretty boy, looking up from his book, looking Sirius Up Down, with his East End accent: Mornin’ Black

Sirius Black, because he wasn’t expecting that: :o

[opens fic] “moony has always been the smartest out of all of us” [closes fic]

Harry: Wait Dad, are you telling me that you dated Uncle Remus??

Regulus: every person in the generation dated Remus